Im a 36F with no major health issues. This image is 4 home EKG I took within 10 minutes on my Kardia mobile unit. 10 days ago I was at a kids birthday party at a horse farm and they did not tell anyone the fences were all electric. I went to pet a horse and did not touch the fence, I had my hand through the fence and the horse touch my hand and must have touched its body to the fence, we both were then shocked. I felt it in my heart the most right then. I didn't lose consciousness or anything like that, but for the last 10 days I have had a LOT of sensations of fluttering, galloping, pounding heart, high resting heart rate (130s,, 140s) waking up to HR over 100, etc. I do take Adderall so I sometimes feel this anyway, but the last week I was on a very small dose of instant release pills cuz my regular XR pills were out of stock.
I told my Dr about it when asking about refilling my meds on Friday last week (6 days later) and they wanted me to go to the ER for an EKG, which I couldt/cant/dont want to do. I bought the Kardia unit on amazon and delivered Saturday morning so I've been using it the last few days. My dr office has been really persistent, emailing me several times and insisting I stop my Adderall entirely and come in for EKG tomorrow, which I will do. Im hesitant to make a big deal out of this, its not out of the norm for me to have these heart sensations I guess, and Im sure there are people with worse issues. I feel like I "cried wolf" so to speak in mentioning it to them, and now they want to do an EKG. I dont see much on these graphs but Im not a dr. They were within 10 minutes of me chilling in my office chair. I last took a 20mg XR adderall at 6am and these were at 130 or so, so its usually not working much anymore by that point, and Id be taking a 10 IR (but I saw the email from Dr saying to stop so I havent taken it). If necessary- I take 20 XR and 10IR adderall, 20mg Lexapro, singulair 10mg, spironolactone 150mg, and daily generic allergy pill. I have a nexplanon implant. When pregnant, I had elevated thyroid antibodies and took synthroid to prevent miscarriages, but otherwise no thyroid issues.
The graphs are showing Sinus tachy (normal given adderall but again, resting or sitting in my office chair as a therapist since 10am), unclassified, and Afib, all within 10 minutes. What the fuck is going on? Is this thing not valid?

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He is mostly a really great and thoughtful partner. He makes meals for me when I’m feeling down, always has the house picked up when he knows I’ve had a long day, always thinks of me when he is out and about and surprises me with little treats. He treats me really well, and I can tell how much he loves me. That being said, we have an issue of not knowing how to manage escalation. We both get defensive in arguments, but he begins to talk constantly to where I can’t get a word in or even follow what he is talking about anymore. He gets so heated and just starts ranting. He doesn’t call me names, but he will say that I’m manipulative, that his life matters too, and will try to bait me by making comments ab how the relationship should end. He gets mad when I say ok and tells me I should fight for it and that’s why he said it. He gets louder and louder and more frustrated, and I usually end up crying and not talking until it ends. He will usually say something about how now he’s going to feel bad and crazy for freaking out and how it’s not fair that I cry. I usually try to end the argument when it starts escalating, but he won’t let it go and will just keep pushing even if I say it’s getting out of control. Once it ends, he will end up saying that he was wrong, that he doesn’t know why he freaks out, that something is wrong with him, that I don’t deserve that, that he loves me. It takes me some time, but I usually eventually come around because he really did have an awful childhood and I think he has a lot of anger that needs dealt with and he really is sweet and kind. It’s like he blacks out during these times.
We have been looking for engagement rings, and the other day I told him that the raising of his voice really has to stop because I’m not comfortable getting married if this is going to continue. He was 100% on board with that. Five days later, he freaked out and blew up. This time it felt worse because it was in our car at a gas station where I felt like people could see. I was so embarrassed. It continued on the ride home and then outside of our home where anybody could have heard. I didn’t say a word the entire time, but I did start that conversation when I could’ve just not but I wanted to communicate my feelings.
This is where I’m stuck. I think my bf could tell this was a breaking point for me. He bought seven books about managing anger, how to talk to your partner like you love them, etc. He also asked me to help him find an individual therapist, and we attended an intro couples counseling session together. I know he cares and will do anything to make our relationship work.
However, I don’t know if the damage has been done or not. It’s up to me to decide if I want to continue the relationship or not because it’s clear that he does. But I don’t know how I feel. I feel really sad because I do love him, but I am also tired. I told him he would never let someone else talk to me like that and he’d never let his dad yell at his mom like that. He agreed with both of those statements. I can tell how guilty he feels. I know he is putting in effort now, and I told him idk how I feel or if I can continue in the relationship or not. He’s offered me space. Some moments I feel great and normal with him and some I get really sad when I think about it.
The counselor said this is a common issue that he can help us work through. I know we can fix it, but it’s happened often enough that I don’t know if it’s too late or not. I feel guilty that he wants to work on it and I might not.
I wouldn’t say that this happens often necessarily, but it did start happening very early on in our relationship and is still happening.
Any insight is welcome, as this isn’t something I can bring to family or friends without it becoming a “thing.”

This is a long post. Apologies for venting but I have no one to share this. So as you all must've know by now , I had a breakup this January. Triggered by the event I decided to block my ex everywhere and deactivated my account. Not to mention but there's not been a single day where I've not thought about him. I cried a lot for him . I craved his presence. His hair , his eyes , his smell everything. And I forgot to mention that he was dating me and also looking for matches via arranged marriage. And what was thrill and experience for him were some beautiful moments of my life. And he didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that he's getting married and breakup, rather he just made a private insta story with a girl saying that she's the love of her life, while some 15 days ago he made a plan of spending the weekend with me. Fast forward 5 months. I've moved on and still not moved on. And today I decide to reactivate my insta and the first thing I did was to look at his insta account. The first thing I see , his profile picture. He looks so handsome and so happy. The same eyes , the same hand that he used to cup my face while he kissed me. The same smile and the same unibrow. Gosh I could feel his beard on my palms. But what's fun ? He is dressed as a groom. I'm happy that he is happy and I'm sad because he never even for once asked me of I was dead or alive. How can he be so unaffected? He was with Me for one entire year. I didn't realise I was so attached to him. I don't know how many of you will understand this feeling, but I was mentally done with him but somehow also wanted to have one last conversation with him. I wanted to see him one last time. May be one apology , just for me. Something I could cherish for the rest of my life? He was a bad person for me. Ruined my mental peace for his fun. Didn't even consider me a human being. Treated me like a dog. Played with my emotions and then went back. I've learnt to live with the pain. But it's just this feeling of injustice that prevails.

Don't get me wrong. Pay is great, work is steady depending on where you work in the facilities, breaks are nice (again depending where you work, i hear horror stories from the cashiers), and generally? not a terrible vibe on third shift which is a god-send from the normal rabble.
What makes the job awful, much like any location, is the management. We've got several managers, much like any store, and of course they have their "favorites" who get away with everything barring murder. Some that walk around doing nothing all day, some that just sit in the wrong departments chatting, leaving the customers without help, some that ignore the customers asking for assistance as a whole, even a few that due the famous "U-turn" where they go back and forth from the bathroom and breakroom all night before clocking out. Everything we say about these individuals; in one ear, out the other. whether it's to HR, CXM, mod, directly to the individual in question or the boss of the store. Due to the crazy loops and mountain of paper-trailing required, the damage is already heavily implemented before anything can be freaking done about them, making the job twenty times harder than it needs to be.
Then you got the workers who bust their butt to make ends meet getting treated worse than the dirt you stand on because of these headaches. This goes on for every shift, but i need to focus on my own experiences through the third shift stress and tension as it has been getting extremely volatile. Between the problems above and a hard-headed manager interested in rushing to complete tasks over the safety of the worker, and the lack of stable workers since only 3 of us are full time + 2 part timers who do, essentially, full time hours, the strain on the night crew is insane. What sent me over the edge though wasn't the work.. oh no. I can handle the work load because whatever we don't get done is still there the next night. It's not hard to pick up where we left off and by the end of the week 99% of the time everything is done.
Below in the spoiler will be a pretty hefty rant of my experience involving what finally made me register my hard work means nothing. That we're simply replaceable fodder, and that our safety, no matter how much they plaster it as their priority, means nothing.

Back in January the area i live in experienced a pretty big storm. Didn't think much of it at the time, i've ridden my E-bike (my only source of transport) in storms before, even in the snow! But, unlike usual this storm had caused flash flooding. I had reached a particular point in the ride where I couldn't progress. The roads that legally allowed my bike to travel out of where I live had become flooded by nearly 6 inches of high speed water, with spots going as deep as a foot and more due to road conditions. Roads surrounding my route were also being slowly closed off as the storm continued and ubers were cancelling in the area (or outright rejecting rides due to the dangerous conditions.), making it progressively harder to get around. It was 10 minutes til work, and i still had 20 minutes to ride, and a 15 minute ride back home if something went wrong.
I pulled over at this intersection that was flooded and checked the news for the area. Local news networks labeled it a "local emergency", so i called it in, told my boss at night i wouldn't be able to make it due to the unsafe driving conditions and progressively worsening weather closing down major roads. He 'understood', told me it would not effect my points as it was a weather situation, and that several others were calling for similar problems. I returned home now soaked and the bike had to be carefully serviced to avoid any lasting damage from the heavy storm. Not a huge issue but annoying none the less.
Fast forward two weeks and i get brought into the office where the CXM and my boss are... and asked the famous line. "Do you know why you're back here?"
I truly had no idea, so i joked it off, I had won a recent raffle for 3 board-games, so I made the comment it was because I hadn't brought those home yet.
The CXM smiled, then said it was because i had received my 4th point for calling out without sick time. Now, mind you, I have no idea what's going on at this point. I knew i had missed 3 days (once in September, 2 times in october from bike issues leaving me on the road without a way in due to the battery dying.). So i asked where this 4th point was coming from. He mentions the day of the flood, my boss, who is keeping his mouth shut, looks away from me when he says this. At this point I sit down, rather miffed at this point because i was assured that it was okay due to it being a safety concern, and that others were calling out with similar issues without a problem.
I'm stunned at this point. Taking a seat at the wall, the night assistant manager closes the door behind me and the cxm begins to lay into me the normal spiel, about how they expect all workers to be punctual and that this was a writeup, and how i "needed to understand what was being said". The whole time he's smiling, I wasn't. I told him what I was told on the phone, that I was cleared due to the weather conditions and that a point wasn't on my record the last time i checked (which i was checking regularly the first week because i truly expected something like this to happen, and stopped checking 4 days prior to the meeting. This happened 2 weeks later on a Wednesday.) -The cxm says it doesn't matter what i'm told on the phone. And that I should have called an uber. -I told him that ubers were cancelling rides due to the roads closing. -He tells me to order a taxi instead then. Now. I'm getting riled up at this point. My leg it tapping, i'm clearly not happy, and the way the cxm is talking to me is actively pushing for a response like this as he continues to smile and REPEATS "do you understand why you're getting this write-up" over, and over, and over again. -The night shift boss is still not making eye contact with me. -So, I stare straight at the cxm and respond to his question. "I understand that I have 3 points, but the 4th point I do not agree with. I was told that I was okay, and that the local news had declared it an emergency. I do not agree with that fourth point." -They both look at me, and I continue to look directly at the cxm. I'm still pretty relaxed at this point even if i'm agitated mentally and tapping my foot. I just want to get back to work at this point because I know the cxm is on a power-trip based on his body language and how much he's smiling. However, it really shown when that smile went away at me saying that comment. The cxm folded his hands, his smile gone and said "look, you want me to be blunt? I don't care what you agree with, you just need to understand you're being written up for 4 points of missed work. I can't let you leave until you agree."
THAT shifted my whole mood. I went from calm, to alert. My foot stopped tapping, I sat back in the chair and I was glaring at the cxm at this point. I was LIVID. The night manager STILL wouldn't look at me, instead he was watching the cxm. So i stayed focused on him as well. I folded my arms, and gave my full attention to him.
He repeated "Do you understand why you're being given this formal write-up?" again, and I, again, said I didn't agree with it. He AGAIN said he didn't care what I agreed or thought was right. and he just needed me to agree with it. So. I said what he wanted me to say. "I understand i'm being written up for a point I don't agree with"
As if MOCKING me, he again repeats "do you understand you can't keep missing days like this?"
I stayed DEAD SILENT at this point, and he leaned forward and looked at me with a big ol' smile. and told me to "stop staring at me with that death-glare, it's not working on me, buddy"
I was fuming. I was NOT going to be treated like a tool like that for taking my own safety into consideration during a local emergency for the job to tell me I was still in the wrong TWO WEEKS AFTER the event happened.
I was forced to agree, because I was sick and tired of staring at him and getting nowhere. So i repeated the comment like a good little drone and left. God i wish i knew i could have commented in that signing page that i signed under protest, course I was so pissed off i doubt i'd have even realized where to write it if i had known. I signed the "admission of guilt" crap, and immediately went to speak to the main boss of the store. Took two more weeks to get ahold of him, and he agreed it sounded very unusual. Main boss went to HR with clarification on how to handle it because even he wasn't too sure on it.
Two weeks after that, i touched base with the main boss. AND HE AGREED THAT I HAD NOT DESERVED THAT POINT OR THE WRITEUP. HR had come back to him about it coming down to the manager who handles the call-out (in my case the night shift boss), and a second manager who confirms the callout. My only assumption is that my boss agreed and acknowledged it as a weather related incident, and the second manager, the cxm in this case, decided to over-rule that decision.
Every other manager I spoke to thought that point was bogus. THE MAIN BOSS said it was bogus, and HR agreed that it was a case-to-case issue due to their system not having anything concrete for localized weather emergencies (they only have it for snow/ice, and state emergencies.) but even our HR contact agreed that safety takes priority! So here I am, 3 months into this crap I didn't even deserve, all because this dude decided to swing his big-boy stick. Taking the proper channels to have it addressed, complaint sent in about the manager in question, and trying to do things by the book did nothing but hit me with a "well you didn't act fast enough so we can't fix it" response, because it took over a month to get it processed. On the plus side, since I explained the entire incident to the main boss of the store (including the response from the manager who was handling the write-up), He gave me his direct line and told me that if i EVER got caught in a major storm like that to let him know, and he'd be sure to clear the incident himself. So while it happened, the store boss pulled through and assured me it won't happen again since it was a situational decision based on whoever got the call-out to handle. The problem is that the one who made this a problem in the first place is still in a position to do said problem. And that, unfortunately, I am unable to address directly like this. It was untouched for almost 2 weeks, sent in as a point right at the end of the 2 week "edit" period, and then I'm written up a week after that, ensuring I had no way to fight it. This was, in all purposes, an abuse of power. But, i'm a drone. I'm only as strong as the voice of the rest of this cacophony, and that's why they keep everyone at eachothers' throats.

Like I said. It's a rant, so only pop it open if you want to see what triggered this message to begin with. It's the biggest frustration I've had in the many years working here that firmly got under my skin due to the way it was handled and how long it took to get properly addressed, for no other reason than to tell me it was too late to do anything about it. We're just numbers in this machine, readily replaceable and easily used to kick around in the name of "fun" for those in a position of power. Where the rules and regulations are waived so long as you're buddies with the other management, and those working hard and keeping to themselves are an easy source to dump the blame and pressure or exercise someone's "authority".

Broke no contact after one year and now I feel like I’m dying
I(M19) broke up with my ex(F19) one year ago. I broke up with her because I was in a very toxic relationship and we had long distance (she used to live 500km from my city). She used to always be rough with me because I didn’t have enough money to spend on her. For example( one day when i went to her and didn’t buy her flowers she told me to send her the money for the flowers 30£ on PayPal). She used to stay on tinder (she didn’t know that I had access to her phone and saw it) and even went to the club with her uni group and a week later got “the kissing disease”. She was always telling that she didn’t kiss anybody even if doctors say that you can get this disease only by kissing someone. During the winter break she had to come to my city and told me to buy her the ticket(60£). After I told her many times that I don’t have the money, she told me “if you’ll want me near, you’ll find the money” and she was right, even though I was in the last year of high school, I used to work on Saturdays and payed her train ticket. Every time when I went to her, I had to pay both the train ticket and the hotel room because her sister wouldn’t let me sleep in their apartment even though they had 2 bedrooms. At the same time, my family let her sleep in our apartment when she came to my city. So I broke up with her before summer, when she didn’t want to pay 40%(she didn’t even want to ask her family if they can or cannot pay it) of the total sum of our trip to Spain. She told me that she regrets being in a relationship with me, blocked me and I thought at the moment that she broke up with me. The next day, she called me and I asked her who will initiate (I thought it was a call to break up officially). She started screaming through the phone that I m a psycho and that it was me the one who wanted to breakup. I felt so guilty that the next month I was everyday crying. Finally I decided to call her to have a normal conversation about what happened, we clarified everything. One month later, after a terrorist attack near my city, she texted me and asked how am I doing and sent a picture with us, telling that we’re so cute together. I said that it was true. She didn’t apologize, didn’t even say anything that she would like to get back together.
After this we didn’t talk for the entire year but I was feeling very sad the whole year because when I broke up with her, I didn’t tell her about tinder(saw 2 chats with 2 dudes in her phone) or about what happened in the club that night.
After one year, I called her and very respectfully said that I really needed answers in order to obtain closure. She told me that she was only “communicating” on tinder (I think it’s a lie) and totally refused to recognize that she cheated on me that night in the club. After this, she told me that she has to go and that if I want to continue talking, we can talk in the evening . 20 minutes after this short call I wrote her that I was thankful for her answers but I didn’t think it would be right for us to continue talking. She responded that I shall never get in touch with her ever again in order to accuse her of something that happened a year ago. One week later I called her again in order to excuse myself for the fact that I reached out to her. She didn’t respond and at that moment I understood that she restricted me on insta . I sent her the message that I was sorry. My friends told me that I was a piece of shit for doing this.
NOW I FEEL LIKE MY HEART WILL EXPLODE BEACUSE I FEEL SO STUPID AND ASHAMED . I even though maybe buying a train ticket and go to her city to visit her, but idk if it’s right. My family doesn’t want even to hear about my ex and is tired of hearing me talk about her. What should I do, please HELP
Ps we were dating during a year and a half and I was traveling to her every 3 weeks

This is a long post. Apologies for venting but I have no one to share this. So as you all must've know by now , I had a breakup this January. Triggered by the event I decided to block my ex everywhere and deactivated my account. Not to mention but there's not been a single day where I've not thought about him. I cried a lot for him . I craved his presence. His hair , his eyes , his smell everything. And I forgot to mention that he was dating me and also looking for matches via arranged marriage. And what was thrill and experience for him were some beautiful moments of my life. And he didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that he's getting married and breakup, rather he just made a private insta story with a girl saying that she's the love of her life, while some 15 days ago he made a plan of spending the weekend with me. Fast forward 5 months. I've moved on and still not moved on. And today I decide to reactivate my insta and the first thing I did was to look at his insta account. The first thing I see , his profile picture. He looks so handsome and so happy. The same eyes , the same hand that he used to cup my face while he kissed me. The same smile and the same unibrow. Gosh I could feel his beard on my palms. But what's fun ? He is dressed as a groom. I'm happy that he is happy and I'm sad because he never even for once asked me of I was dead or alive. How can he be so unaffected? He was with Me for one entire year. I didn't realise I was so attached to him. I don't know how many of you will understand this feeling, but I was mentally done with him but somehow also wanted to have one last conversation with him. I wanted to see him one last time. May be one apology , just for me. Something I could cherish for the rest of my life? He was a bad person for me. Ruined my mental peace for his fun. Didn't even consider me a human being. Treated me like a dog. Played with my emotions and then went back. I've learnt to live with the pain. But it's just this feeling of injustice that prevails.

This is a long post. Apologies for venting but I have no one to share this. So as you all must've know by now , I had a breakup this January. Triggered by the event I decided to block my ex everywhere and deactivated my account. Not to mention but there's not been a single day where I've not thought about him. I cried a lot for him . I craved his presence. His hair , his eyes , his smell everything. And I forgot to mention that he was dating me and also looking for matches via arranged marriage. And what was thrill and experience for him were some beautiful moments of my life. And he didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that he's getting married and breakup, rather he just made a private insta story with a girl saying that she's the love of her life, while some 15 days ago he made a plan of spending the weekend with me. Fast forward 5 months. I've moved on and still not moved on. And today I decide to reactivate my insta and the first thing I did was to look at his insta account. The first thing I see , his profile picture. He looks so handsome and so happy. The same eyes , the same hand that he used to cup my face while he kissed me. The same smile and the same unibrow. Gosh I could feel his beard on my palms. But what's fun ? He is dressed as a groom. I'm happy that he is happy and I'm sad because he never even for once asked me of I was dead or alive. How can he be so unaffected? He was with Me for one entire year. I didn't realise I was so attached to him. I don't know how many of you will understand this feeling, but I was mentally done with him but somehow also wanted to have one last conversation with him. I wanted to see him one last time. May be one apology , just for me. Something I could cherish for the rest of my life? He was a bad person for me. Ruined my mental peace for his fun. Didn't even consider me a human being. Treated me like a dog. Played with my emotions and then went back. I've learnt to live with the pain. But it's just this feeling of injustice that prevails.

There was this one show, I am almost sure it aired on Cartoon Network in 2010s' but I could be wrong. I have no idea when it got taken off the TV screens, but last time I watched it was no later than 2015. I remember it was some kind of reality show for fans of the channel, mostly for young teens. it could've been a survival game but I'm pretty sure it was a treasure hunt in the wild,like a forest or a field. I remember there were either just one team of three kids trying to win or two teams, also with three participants in each, compiting against each other. the only adult was the main male host. I'm pretty sure the participants had to find keys or collectables to unlock a tresure chest and win the game.
I remember one scene of an episode clearly. there were the three kids on the screen in black costumes with blue details and they had helmets on. they were sitting around the closed chest and being excited that they have found the key-thing. I remember a scene like that so vividly yet I can not find anything similiar on the internet.
My memory about this show is very blury and it wasnt really popular in my country, none of my friends remember anything like that. from my own research, it was not the 'Survive This' show. to my knowlage it aired only in the USA ans Canada and I live in Europe.
I am looking for this show for 2 years now and I am starting to think my memory is just getting foggy since its been so long I last watched it, but I hope you guys can help me out on this one if the show indeed existed.

So I (33F) had been seeing a guy (44M) lets call him Jim for just over 12 years at the point of this story, I thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. Oh how wrong I was.
So one very sleepy morning at 6am there was an almighty noise coming from the front door and shouting saying that it was the police. My stomach dropped as I went to open the door as Jim's mum hadn't been well and had no idea why else there would be police at the door. When I opened the door they asked for my partner and I sent them upstairs, a very lovely police woman sat me down and explained to me what was going on. They had a warrant for his arrest.......
They said that he had been talking to children online, my mind went blank, I felt sick, there were no words only tears and thinking that they had to have the wrong person. They took him off, I called my parents balling my eyes out and we all agreed that it had to be some sort of mistake. Jim came back about 6 hours later minus a phone and many other personal items to analysed by police. He told me that he had no idea what they were on about and reassured me that it would pass.
Well 2 years went by (as that is the speed of the police here) and it is going to court. My dumb ass at this point should have known that something was up at this point but Jim kept telling me that everything was fine and I believed him. A lot of it happened behind closed court doors and he didn't tell me much after each appearance but I also didn't ask.
Jim then thought that for the last appearance it would be a great idea for me to go with him for support etc and I agreed. Now lets make this clear here I was having severe problems with my mental health at this point and I don't know why I said I would go to be honest. I went, sat there, had to listen to everything that he hadn't told me about and was even more shocked. Turned out he had 4 charges against him including 3 pictures of underage children and 1 charge of "talking" with a minor. They read out all of the conversation that was had and I couldn't believe it. A police officer had pretended to be a 13 year old girl and he was still chatting away and sending pics even after she said she was 13. He even downloaded snap chat to talk to her and kept going back to the conversations himself rather than her starting all the time. The judge said that he had no remorse as he had stated that it wan't that bad as it wasn't a real 13 year old he had been talking to............ He got a 2 year suspended sentence as it was his first offence and his mother wasn't well, 100 hours of community service and has to be on lists for at least 10 years.
I got home after my brain had nearly fallen out and we "talked", he said he doesn't really remember doing it! He was stressed because of covid (bollocks) which I had told him to seek professional help for as I knew he wouldn't talk to me. I said I had a niece and a nephew on the way and he said nothing, he would have to ask for consent to be around children and I was not giving that consent. I asked why he thought it was a good idea that I went to court with him, Jim's reply was I didn't think it was a bad idea until I found out who the judge was.
There were so many things that he didn't tell me like how many charges, what had actually happened and I felt like I had been betrayed in the worst way possible. After long and very hard thoughts (and crying) I decided that I couldn't stay with someone like that and I ended it about a year ago now. I finally feel like I can spread my wings and have actually started doing stuff for myself again.
Sorry this wasn't an AITA but I thought you would enjoy the tea

Just for a quick backstory I (23F) have been interested in my best friend's uncle (27M) since I was 12. I met her uncle when I was 12. He's your average athletic guy. Fit, funny, good looking. We bonded over music. He told me stories of his past. He'd even help me study french when I needed help on my homework One night I went to my best friend's house. Unaware that she wasn't at home, but he was there. So we began to talk eventually I confessed my feelings for him. He was shocked. But then my best friend came So we exchanged instagrams. Decided to continue our conversation afterwards. Later that night he texted me asking so many questions on when did I have a crush on him, why I had a crush on him. I told him everything and eventually he confessed that he too felt the same way but it was wrong due to a bunch of complications. We'd still continue to talk but within two weeks of texting back and forth, we decided to make it official Although we agreed to keep it a secret. It felt so right he is special it killed having to pretending to either be single or date another guy. After he and I were together for 7 months I asked him if we could get a more physically involved he told me no since i was too young by this time i was already 13.
I felt I had made to relationship a bit awkward so i distanced myself a bit and would only speak to me bsf and try to ignore him. I remember so clearly how upset he was he'd nonstop text or call and when I'd go over he'd try and talk my bsf eventually noticed and told me to be careful her mom walked in and overheard our conversation telling me the same thing. Later on her mom asked her to help her with something so I sat on rocking chair sofa and i see the door open and he walks in I greeted him and he just walked past i couldn't say i was surprised after all I was avoiding him first but he stopped at the doorway of the kitchen walked back and i a low tone he was scolding me so a talked back and we had our first argument I knew i was in the wrong so in mid sentence i put my arms around his neck and kissed him he put his arms around waist and pull away from the kiss to tell me how much he missed me and he had a surprise since he knew i was coming we then heard my bsf and her mom coming so he went back outside and sat back down and acted like nothing had happened.
2 months after I turned 15 we almost got caught doing it on her sister's bed Which he was where he was sleeping at the time I felt happy. Our relationship lasted for 4 years. One day in the morning when I woke I saw a message from him, I felt nauseous. He said he was sorry, but he had to leave, so he broke up with me over text, he said he really wished He could've stayed but It didn't feel right. He didn't want to hide who he was with. He said that being with me would only hurt both of us, I was so depressed, I'd constantly cry couldn't get over it And I couldn't tell my best friend.
(So now where i really need help) I recently went to my bestfriend's new house. I was invited to her mother's birthday party. And as a surprise, her uncle came, and we saw each other again. We catched up a bit and just talked from time to time. My best friend would look at us. Make faces, so I tried my best to avoid him after a while. When I'd look at him, he was talking to a girl I did not recognize I assumed that was his plus 1 or something, so I ended up drinking. Eventually I was drunk to a point that I couldn't walk my best friend's mom told the uncle (her cousin) to take me to her room So I could rest a bit. My best friend came along with us. I could hear them discussing about how she suspected that I had a crush on him or if there is something going on to quit it, he kept denying everything so she warned him that she would be keeping an eye on him. Her mom called her so she had to go, When she left the room, I stood up, but he told me to lay down and rest. And I started crying. He comforted me and I told them I was upset, and he explained that the girl who he was talking to was his sister.
I felt like an idiot. He then told me that it was cute how i was jealous in the heat of the moment we kissed and did it again. He then proceeded to tell me how much he missed me. how he never forgot me and that I'm still very special to him.He asked to be in a relationship again but I don't know? I feel guilty. Having to hide it from my bestfriend . I'm scared of what she'll do or say when she finds out What do I do? I have no idea?So what I wanna know is AITA for not telling my bestfriend about her uncle and I?.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Hey everyone,
About 7 months ago, I got to know a colleague during a shared shift. We made some small talk, and she seemed impressed when I told her I was studying Graphic Design. I had noticed her even before that, as I had seen her while walking by. She was talking with coworkers, turned to me, and smiled as I passed by.
Months went by, and I saw her on Hinge and liked her twice, but we didn't match. Since then, whenever we ran into each other, she hasn't said hello or anything, and there seemed to be a kind of distance. There was even one situation where I was having coffee with a friend, and she was working. I noticed she might have been looking at me, and she indeed was, but her facial expression was rather negative. I wouldn't say she looked disgusted, but it was definitely a kind of discomfort.
Recently, we had a company party, and I saw her with her friends. I noticed that she and her friends were talking and then briefly looked over at me. I was standing about 3-4 meters away. Later, when she was standing in line with them, I walked by, and we made eye contact. Her gaze then moved down to my pants.
Now I'm really confused about whether she's interested or not, especially the sudden change of her behaviour towards me. Should I approach her directly and ask her out, or would that be too forward? Maybe starting little by little by saying hi?
Thanks in advance for your advice!

Hi guys! I just have to say that i appreciate all of you who commented on my last post, even the negative comments. I want you guys to know that i appreciate the positive comments alot since i have no one else to ask for advice.
However, i think that i should have put more effort into my last post and i should have told a little more details about myself and the relationship that i am currently in.
I am 17f and i am soon to be 18. I’m very mature for my age, and there is a reason as to why i have the issues that i have. I am the first born child. My mom had me when she was 23, yet she was un experienced how to be a good mom, and that was absolutely not her fault.
My dad is was an absolute a hole towards my mom and me, he still is, just not towards us because ha abandoned me for someone elses kids. However, my dad used to hit my mom, being violent wasn’t uncommon from where he comes from, but my mom and i are traumatized till this day. He would hit my mom whenever he felt like it was needed to ”decipline” her. He would also lay hands on me as an infant, and no i am not joking.
I was 15 when my dad left me and my sister for another family. He abandoned us, and moved to another country. We still don’t know where he lives or if he is okay.
This sutuation led me to being scared of being abandoned, by anyone really.
The trust issues that i have comes from an abusive relationship that i used to be in. I met this person when u was 14, and we became friends. Things escelated and he started laying hands on me. It was to a point where mom would pick me up and i had to make up an excuse for the black eye, or the bruises on my body. I’m sure y’all are wondering why i didn’t leave as soon as it started. This person, he knew people who knew people, and he proved it to me. He also blackmailed me with alot of thingd, like secrets i had told him and trusted him to not tell anyone. I wqs scared he would hurt my family, and that he would hurt me by leaking things, so for my familys sake and my sake i stayed. Everyday i prayed that things would get better, and that i would be able to leave him. That day finally came, and i cried my eyes out. Not because i was sad, but because i felt so relieved, and i felt so free. I repported him to the police and they have him locked up now, because i was not his only ”victim”.
This is where the trust issues comes from. It also comes from getting cheated on, bur i’d rather not talk about that because i am not ready to bring it up.
I’ve always been drawn to ”crazy” people. I would learn that they are ”crazy” sooner or later. This is the reason why i don’t have many friends, but a few close ones.
My man is really caring, and he has never done anything intentionally to make me feel like i have a reason to be worried. He is rarely around girls if he isn’t in class. I don’t like when he is close to girls or the thought of him having a girl friend or even a conversation with a girl if not needed. I do trust him not to do anything, and me and Connor have talked about this. We both agree when it comes to this subject. He doesn’t trust boys, and i don’t trust girls. It doesn’t mesn that all boys/girls are the same, but it is something that we are worried about because after all we don’t knoe other peoples intentions.
Me and Connor have mentioned breaking up before, or been forced to. Thid has never been by choice, our relationship is something that seens to bother other people. People gives us nasty glances, whisper in our surroundings, and what not. We can’t find the reason as to why our relationship seems to bother people, but this just makes us stronger, because the more problems that we face, the more experience we gain, and grow closer.
We keep a low profile, we don’t act like lovers in public. We keep it really low to not draw attention. We still talk, and walk beside eachother, but we aren’t intimate in any way.
For those of you who thinks that i should enjoy life and be a kid, i can not do that. I’ve raised myself because my mom never had time for me. My sister was the golden child and has always been. But she is my mother and i love her.
I’m very independent, and i’m a very isolated person since i’ve never liked the idea of partying, hanging out more than 2 people at once, or anything else in that direction.
I never got the time or opportunity to be a kid, i had to raise myself and become independent at a very young age. I’ve always been the quiet girl who reads, sleeps, studies, and what not. School has never been hard for me, but being a target for others has been hard. I’ve never had it easy, that’s all i’m going to say for now. I hope this update gives you a picture of how things are from my aspect. And i’m sorry if i miss spelled something, i’m Swedish which makes me miss spell some things.

My wife and I have been together since 2017. At the time, I had a 2 year old child from a prior relationship. We got married in 2022.
I come from a single mother house where my father was an alcoholic who committed suicide when I was 1. My mom was a hard shift worker who wasn’t home a lot but showed me an abundance of affection and gave me excessive gifts. She is overbearing and doesn’t ever view her actions as wrong.
She comes from a single father house where her mother was killed in a mass shooting when she was 3. Her father worked excessively and was a harsh disciplinarian (or worse) to her brother. Her father is absent and a hoarder with questionable hygiene.
At the beginning of our relationship, I tried to break up with her several times and I told her we weren’t right for each other. She told me she didn’t want to be a mother or have children. I struggled with alcohol and would often say hurtful things towards her when I was intoxicated. She refused to let me go and we would patch up our problems. During 2020-2021, she started to resent me for not asking her to marry her. It would be brought up every couple of months to the point of being a big problem. She has made it clear to me that she does not like asking me for things and would rather me proactively initiate. This caused a paradox of being able to plan a time to ask her to marry me without it seeming like she forced it to happen. I decided I had to seriously get my crap together and be “all in” on the relationship or not with her. I chose to be all in. She sold her house and bought a house closer to my daughter. The day we moved in, I asked her to marry me. Over the course of 2021-2022 and parts of 2023, I still suffered from alcoholic outbursts and would say mean things when we would argue. Shes kicked me out of the house at least 3 times and I’ve left the house at least 3 times. Each time we patch things up over the course of days/weeks/months. I decided to go to counseling and started reading 7 principles of marriage, attachment theory etc. I started listening to podcasts and trying to be better. She is persistent in saying she doesn’t want to go talk to someone but was receptive to being prescribed a pill for depression. She did do virtual sessions with a counselor for a month before there was a miscommunication with her counselor and she felt they didn’t really care about her and/or they weren’t really getting anywhere. She has somewhat isolated herself from friends and family. She talks to her out of state aunt fairly often and in state brother occasionally. She doesn’t hang out with any of her friends or try to make new ones. She says she doesn’t need that and I am that for her. I have a strong core of 5 friends that I talk to fairly often.
I’ve discovered my love language is affection and hers is quality time. We have had multiple conversations about it and have even implemented the state of the union conversations. It’s been helpful but we are guilty for letting it slip away from our schedule. She admits that she struggles with showing affection and I admitted to wanting to be “carefree” and avoid hard or meaningful conversations. I find that she wants me to initiate those conversations and stays somewhat closed off until I pry. When she is quiet (often), I spend a large portion of my time with anxiety wondering if she is mad at me, or wanting me to talk or wanting quiet time.
This week, my buddy had a birthday and she asked if it was wives too. I inquired and told her yes. I asked if she wanted to go and she said no. I asked her twice more and reiterated that wives were going and she said no again. Later in the day, I asked her twice more. The day of the party came and she said she was surprised I didn’t follow up with her. I asked if she wanted to go again and she said no. It turned into an argument and I went without her. I came home and she was upset and said I shouldn’t have left her and I should know to follow up with her and I should know that she would want to go and I shouldn’t have taken no for an answer. It got more heated and she told me she was taking care of my kid while I was playing softball (which she offered to take her to the meeting so I could go) and having fun. She said she takes care of all of us and I don’t take care of her heart. She told Me I should go marry my friends and my whiskey bottle. She says we don’t have meaningful conversations that are fulfilling and we no longer have any spark in our intimacy. She yelled for me to get out of her face during the course of our fight, which I did and then told me I don’t know when to console her when she is crying and just needs a hug. She went to bed in the other room and I did too. I woke up the next morning with a note saying I needed to get my necessities and leave. A few hours later, I sent her a text wishing her a happy Mother’s Day even though I wasn’t sure where we stood. She sarcastically told me that saying it through a text means so much more… I came home and she told me that I blew it by not calling her to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and not taking her to the friends birthday party was so much more damaging than I realize and would be the cause of our demise. She’s told me that all of the people in her life have hurt her and I have hurt her the worst and now she wants to be alone. Our last big fight, she brought our divorce papers and I told her if she ever mentioned divorce again, I would do it because the threat of divorce during an argument gives me extreme anxiety and makes it feel like we can never have a bad argument without it turning to divorce. I went to my counselor and she recommended marriage counseling (again) but said to offer it as a way to find out if we are right for each other or wrong or just the next step. My wife said no thanks. Is there just too much damage?
TL;DR. I drank a lot and said hurtful things. Paired together with her own experiences, I fear I may have caused too much damage to repair.

Before my ex and I broke up (two weeks ago), I had been planning on apologizing to her for some things that I had done while we were together. When we were texting right before the break up, she brought up one of the things, and I was able to apologize for that one. I told her I had other things that I wanted to apologize for too, and asked if I could apologize for those too, just on another day so that I wouldn't be adding a whole bunch of stuff to the already giant text chain. She said yes, but she broke up with me a few messages later because she needed time and space away from the relationship even though she said she still loved me. we've been no contact since, but the guilt of these things has been eating at me, and I'm worried that she might feel bothered by them as well, even though she never mentioned them. I drafted a giant text message with all of the apologies (I've pasted it below), in the hopes that in sending this message I'll be able to get closure and maybe she might too. And I'm not gonna lie, there's also some part of me that hopes that in sending this text, maybe she'll want me back. In reality, I think this message might just be a burden to her, and my main reason for sending it is selfish (getting closure and assuaging my guilt). So I want to send it, but I also don't know if I should. What do you guys think?
Here's the message for context. It probs won't make a lot of sense since it's mainly personal stuff, but I figured it might help.
"hi, im sorry to send this out of the blue. im still planning on staying no contact with you so you can have space and time to heal from how I hurt you. im not sending this text with the intention of forcing you to talk to me or anything like that, i promise. i only want to finish apologizing for the things that i was planning on apologizing for before we broke up. I've been very guilt ridden and i think that this will give me some closure. and i was thinking this might help give you closure or help you heal one day too, in case you were hurt by these things like i would have been. but, i also know that this text might be a disturbance for you and might not be helpful for you right now, if ever. so please feel free to ignore this or anything else you need to do so that this doesn't bother you.
anyways, im just going to be sending a numbered list of the things with short explanations, just so that this isn't more of a disturbance than it already is and my text isnt super long. if you ever want, i can give clarification/longer explanations/anything else.

1. pulling my hand /body away from you when you said certain things that hurt me. it's not that i actually wanted to be away from you, i still wanted to be close. it was just my gut reaction and then i felt too embarrassed afterwards to get close again immediately
2. calling you tiny so much when we were shopping. i was referring to your height bc i thought it was fun to tease you for being short, but i didn't realize until you talked about it later that it could be referring to your weight/body as well and that i was hurting you with it. i should have apologized genuinely when you told me about that
3. not parking at the airport and walking you through security even though i had the chance to- i really did want to and regretted not doing it. my family never parks there and always says it's a waste of money, and i instinctually felt like i shouldn't either
4. not cuddling first on the night that you were leaving- i was trying really hard not to cry and i felt ashamed about it. i knew that if i cuddled i might cry on you and bother you. i should have just said something about it instead, especially when you asked me if i was okay twice
5. being awkward on the car ride to the airport - i was still trying not to cry, and felt like most all i said would come out weird
6. being quiet and kinda bitchy while we were shopping nd also in general some days- i was overwhelmed from driving and doing social things with so many ppl and noises around and i needed some time to chill alone for a bit, but i didn't realize it. i was trying to control how i was feeling but i know you probably thought i was upset at you
7. saying that i only wanted you to kiss me if you actually wanted to kiss me that one time when we were about to sleep. im not totally sure about this one, but i know you sounded really sad after i said it. i wish i had asked how you felt instead of ignoring that
8. saying "idrc" about you telling me about the carnival- i did actually care a lot, but i felt like i was pressuring and bothering you.

im seriously so sorry for every one of these, and many other things i did in general while we were dating. i dont usually realize how much my actions are hurting someone until i think about it later on, but all of these would have absolutely destroyed me if you had done them to me. im so sorry. i really just wish i'd had better communication and self awareness so that i didn't hurt you in the first place. anyways, just to reiterate, i dont expect any acceptance of these apologies or any reaction to this at all. i just wanted to get this off my chest, and im sorry that i had to do it in such a selfish way. i hope this text doesn't hurt or bother you too much, and im wishing you well again."

One month two days ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue. She had been my first relationship ever, we were in college and it was new and exciting to me, but it absolutely crushed me wen she told me after our 4 month anniversary that "it wasn't a good fit", turned, and walked away without saying anything else leaving me standing there. Our only ever contention point had been that for religious reasons I was not ready for sex, she knew that, I had told her that when we were in the talking stage before dating, but it came up
The next week I spent every day crying, thinking what had gone wrong, spending time on different relationship coach websites, and planning out how I would win her back. I had planned a three month no contact phase, followed by asking how her summer Navy program would go, followed by Instagram Reels, and hanging out. I made it one month with no contact. I would still see her around campus, we would awkwardly smile and wave at each other, watch her Spotify and see her make play lists with songs like "I miss you I'm sorry" and "Learn to Love you again".
I lasted a month before I caved and on what would have been our five month anniversary, I called her. She didn't answer but texted me back 30 minutes later saying she was at a wedding but we should talk over text. I sent her two paragraphs about how I didn't know what had happened to us but I was willing to fight for it. Her response was "I'm Sorry, I wasn't happy, I don't want to get back together" and that the differences of opinion on sex hadn't been the issue.
That message didn't hurt at all like I expected it to, it was more of what she didn't say, nothing about it being worth it to her. That gave me what I needed to know, the thing we couldn't compromise on hadn't been the issue. It was fixable issue that we could have worked on that she threw everything away for.
I finally told my friends everything specifically what I had been embarrassed about before. They told me something that I had never thought about me before, she had coerced me sexually at the least and possibly sexually assaulted me. I was drunk, she wanted sex, I didn't, she pressured me and tried to physically pull me into it. I left the room crying, she called me back and at some point started kissing me again. This time I let her pull my hand under her clothes and did something that I said I never would.
Making that phone call lead me to opening up to my friends, looking at it from a different angle, and realizing that this was not someone I wanted in my life. After that I doubled down on no contact, I finally deleted all of the photos of her, our shared album, shared Spotify, muted all of her friends on Instagram so I won't see her at all. I even saw her earlier today and didn't even give her a glance just kept on walking.
Sometimes you need the closure and a reminder that the person you want is a horrible person and it is time to do no contact for the correct reason, not because you are trying to attract them back.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little less under a year. For 4 of those months me and him have been living with his mom, and his siblings besides his older brother. I have a great relationship with his family which I’m grateful for.
Our boundary in the relationship is that we do not hang out 1 on 1 with the opposite sex. Which is fair to me.
Now, this morning I walked over from our apartment to his mom’s, since he is at work all day. His mom didn’t have to go to her job until 1 PM.
His younger brothers went out, and his older brother was doing his own thing in his room. I decided to wait at his mom’s house for his younger sister to play softball later after she is done with school.
Now, he texted me that he is incredibly uncomfortable that I’m at his mother’s house with his older brother 1 on 1 and that I should have left as soon as I was isolated with him. I left the house as soon as he said that. I didn’t want to upset him at all, I didn’t want to cross his boundary at all. He is so upset with me that he is currently giving me the silent treatment.
He said that I wouldn’t be okay if he hung out with my girl cousin without my knowledge and that I would know after the fact. When I said that I don’t mind that when it is family he said that I’m just saying that to justify my actions. He said that he knows I am not perfect but that he is super bothered by me. Mind you, his brother was doing his own thing, he came in the living room and we had small talk about his kids and about my brothers and about his brothers and then I left the house
I would’ve never went if I knew it would make my man upset. I see his family as my family and yes I don’t know his older brother as well as I do the others since he used to live somewhere else, but I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal because of the fact that it is family. When I explained this to my boyfriend he said that it’s alarming that I didn’t think this through.
I am so upset with myself. I love and respect my boyfriend so much, I would never do anything to hurt him or disrespect him, but I know now that I crossed a boundary.
I’m a very anxious person and English isn’t my first language so when I am anxious I get nervous and then I black out. I don’t want him to confront me when he gets home later and then me crying because I feel overwhelmed. I don’t want him to think that I feel like a victim, because I am not. I just want him to know the boundary will never ever be crossed again.
Can someone give me some advice on how to handle this? What can I say to him that will not break his trust or calm him down in a sense?

Growing up my mother was always in some type of emotional turmoil (abuse, narcissistic parents, toxic workplaces etc). Because of this as the oldest daughter I became her outlet. I was the person she could talk to or even be the shoulder to cry on. Naturally it became me just never communicating any emotions to her and developing a stoic personality expressing myself to her emotionally.This isn’t because I didn’t have any feelings but the dynamic of our relationship was off. Also the few times I communicated concerns I just remember being heard but nothing ever came from it so as a child I gave up. Years later I’m now 20 and our relationship is a little better but still the communication aspect from me is little to none and I have so much I ntense anxiety whenever I try.

it looks like we've come to an end my friend it seems to be the final goodbye i look into your eyes, i cry i cry for i'll miss those sweet caring eyes, the simple smile that fills my heart with happiness i've felt safe around you, but now where has my safety gone if not in your arms oh how i'll miss you my friend, our time together flew by and now it's up its time to move forward and live life separately i won't be able to go back to before we met, to before i knew that sweet smile and those caring eyes please don't forget those moments we shared i won't forget for how could i? please my friend tell my we'll meet again this can't be how it ends

I just reread it after a couple of years and it blows my mind even more than when I first read it. Now it seems so much more radical for some reason. Nothing is like it, nothing comes close to it. I was surprised this time around the amount of attention placed on vladek spiegelmans (guy who survived if you didn’t read it) personal life and his character so many years later, and the little isms he has. Whereas other Holocaust books are just fictional or somehow seem unreal in some way. Somehow by placing cartoon animalsin Auschwitz you come to terms in a super visceral way. Or you understand that you can’t understand. But seeing the hanging mouses is more visceral than other Holocaust violence I’ve seen in movies. The places it goes, with each page turn, are surprising but necessar. You can slip in and out of the Holocaust story at a moments notice and into something like vladeks garden or him trying to return a half eaten box of cereal. Not to compare, but I do like the book a lot more than fun home by Alison bechdel and other sort of memoir type graphic novels. I only liked persepolis as much as this, which also is genius.

So dig, early morning pulling up at the gas station for gas. As I jump out to pump my gas. The car in front of me car door opens. First a hand emerges from the car dropping blunts guts then out comes the head of a beautiful Spanish chic. She smile my way. I returned the gesture with a head nods, and a what’s up came from my mouth. She responded by asking, do I smoke? I looked down at my watch… yeah I got a few minutes before I gotta be to work. She asked me to follow her. I did, ending up at a park. I hopped in the car with her. She was already smoking. She passed me the blunt. It smelled like that thang, so I know how it was about to taste. Sitting back enjoying a toke. I felt her hand grab for my pants. Without a word. I just let her do her. Man… she was taking me up and through there with that head game. Moments later I bust, feeling my sole leave my body. Wow, I was done. The feel of her shaking me woke me up out of heaven sort-of-speak. Pushing me up out of her car as fast as she can. All the wild informing that she had to get back to her dude… Damn, that head was fire. I know that pussy was the bomb. Guest I’ll never no now… This Bih Here!