Darvocet conversion

I was in my 20s, after having done undergrad studies in psychology, when I ran across a forum where people accused of MSBP were posting. It was an open forum, the public could access it, which meant law enforcement also could. And there were times postings worried me enough that I was glad it was a public forum where LE could access it.
I've not had children. At that time in my life, though, I did think children were in my not-too-distant future, and part of me worried about why I was so fascinated by these cases. Was I fascinated because I find weird psych diagnoses fascinating in general, or because I somehow identified with perpetrators?
I think now I understand why that was a conflict for me.
See, I can understand medical-speak, even if I wouldn't always get abbreviations right if I was trying to figure out how to word a script for, say, ear or eye drops (the eye drop murder trial made me think of that, no I'm not about to try to word a script).
I also lived with a parental figure (my grandfather) who was chronically ill, and when he passed away my bio father was allowed back into my life because HE was diagnosed with a chronic fatal illness. My maternal grandmother's health was better but naturally declined before she passed at 90 -- there were a number of scares with her, and my mother was an only child so my sister, mom, and I were the ones to try to share out who would be with her in the hospital.
I had also married and divorced an MD by then, and helped him with flashcards while he was studying hard for the USMLE exam (the higher the score, the more likely an FMG will get a first-try match into a residency program). So I know a lot of random terminology, but certainly not enough to call myself any sort of expert.
In the time since then, both of my parents have passed (and I was definitely as involved as the hospitals/hospice allowed me to be -- Mom's final illness happened during COVID restrictions and so I wasn't allowed to be a bedside leech, damnit -- it meant neither my sister or I could talk to any of her doctors). My friends have had medical emergencies and had to drive a distance to my city because we have better hospitals, and so I've been the person with a friend or their parent/sibling because that friend trusted me to know how best to interact with the doctors.
I've also managed my own health concerns, which included learning that chronic pain and depression together are a mixture that feed off each other. Addressing co-existing mood issues are essential in chronic pain patients, and I was very glad that when a friend's kid was diagnosed with AMPS (nowhere near as severe as the kids described in the "AMPS Bootcamp" program) they were told that it "wasn't all in their head" and then given a referral to a psychologist who said her role was to help the kid learn mental pain management strategies. Yes, those mental pain management strategies are essential for dealing with chronic pain. Plus, the psychologist is there to talk to if the newly-diagnosed patient does have psych issues that need to be worked on as well, such as anxiety or mood episodes.
Given all of that baggage... while I don't think I would either medically neglect or medically abuse a child, I do think I was worried that the fact i "knew too much" might be used against me.
I mean, I think it was during this time period when a doctor tried to give me a crappy opiate (Darvocet, didn't work much better than the Tylenol in it but could still create dependency) when I went in to get a referral for well-fitting nighttime braces for my wrists, and the problem with them had already been diagnosed by another provider.
I didn't say that Darvocet was probably more harmful than not in that situation, nor that the location of my pain/numbness had led a previous provider (who wrote for night bracing, but that was awhile previously and braces wear out) to say it was ulnar nerve entrapment, not carpal tunnel like he was calling it. Instead I said "But don't opiates not really work well on nerve pain? The other doctor had prescribed braces at night and they helped, but they don't fit well anymore."
I didn't argue with him about terms for the various causes of wrist pain, and I posed my objection as a question rather than a statement of fact. I expressed the conservative remedy that past providers had offered which was helpful. And I got what I felt was the better solution out of the visit with that method.
I think I felt that because I knew doctors had to be manipulated a little bit if they were in clear error like that (throwing Darvocet at wrist pain is an awful idea, not gonna lie), that I might not manage it quite right if it were my child rather than me about to be fed a useless and potentially dangerous pill.
That my emotions would get in the way and I'd reveal I "knew too much" or be seen as pushy or demanding a specific treatment -- because if the treatment is conservative another physician might see that course of treatment as medical neglect, and if the treatment is aggressive another physician might see that course of treatment as medical abuse.
And it does seem, to me, that there's a possibility the hospital made a mistake in thinking Beata was either exaggerating or faking her daughter's symptoms. Even the defense produced another option that didn't necessarily suggest Beata was the source of the problem -- the nurse that testified on the theory of "conversion disorder" as a way for Maya to subconsciously seek out attention from her mother. Clearly she got that attention from Beata when she became extremely ill. The prolonged separation resulted in Maya becoming defiant, and not recovering from more than the effects of oral Toradol they removed and possible side-effects from the Flonase they kept her on but treated the side effect. Even the weaning process they were demanding instead of a discharge was as a result of a medication the hospital themselves placed her on -- Precedex -- needing to be weaned down.
And no matter what else, these kids need farking therapy. I was definitely not expecting the verdict the jury gave, but was hoping they'd rule on enough for each to get that therapy (which meant of course I was hoping for an IIED wrongful death verdict, of course).
Anyway, I've written a novel here, but I do think working through this particular case has helped me see that conflict and why the diagnosis of MSBP disturbed me so much. I can't imagine deliberately harming my own child, nor can I imagine exaggerating symptoms to a doctor to get a course of treatment that would be unnecessary/harmful. But I can imagine being accused of having too much medical knowledge and showing it.