Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Creole dangled that final favor over my head for a few weeks. He didn’t summon me or even contact me as if he was dragging out my final task until he truly felt like doing so. While it annoyed me, I eventually found it to be a blessing. It allowed me to process everything that had happened to me and recharge my batteries. I also did my best to avoid mirrors after my hotel ordeal with my corrupted reflection. Every time I even passed a mirror it felt like at any moment she burst through the mirror and rip me into pieces.
After almost 3 weeks of silence from Creole, I was sitting home alone, having agreed to help my parents fill out their taxes while they continued to work themselves to the bone. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing but I figured that no one ever really knows what they’re doing when they fill out a tax form. I was in the process of chewing the end of my eraser when our doorbell rang.
Now I’m usually the type of person who never answers the door when the doorbell rings. If I don’t know that you’re coming over beforehand then I ain’t answering the door. But something about this doorbell felt different. And after all, I wasn’t getting anywhere with my parent’s tax forms; other than the feeling of dread with how badly we were faring even with both of them working two jobs. So I stood up from the kitchen table and made my way over to the door.
“Jacob?” I asked with surprise and a bit of shock when I saw the bellboy standing at my door. He waved to me happily and then reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to me. I took it from him and was greeted by the familiar handwriting that Creole’s notes carried. “Why didn’t he just call me?” I asked Jacob, forgetting that Creole’s bellboy was now a mute. He simply pointed at the envelope. I looked down at it, opened it, and began to read.
“Mace! So sorry that I’m not able to call you. I’m currently out of town on a business trip. But this is the perfect opportunity for your final favor! Jacob is here to lead you to the shop where I’ve left further instructions. And don’t worry about anyone seeing y’all. Not like anyone will believe ya if you told em. Best regards, K.C.”
That last sentence felt like a threat. It was something that existed constantly in the back of my mind. Especially after I found out that Creole had the police in his pocket. It was best to just grit my teeth, get this final favor done, and never have to think of Ol’ King Creole’s Half Priced Voodoo Store ever again.
“Just give me a minute to get my things,” I told Jacob. He nodded quickly and gave me a thumbs-up. He was such a different person now that it was scary. I hadn’t known Jacob well in high school but seeing him like this caused me to feel sorry for him. He certainly didn’t deserve this, it wasn’t his fault that I had gotten stabbed by one of his customers. And yet it was my fault that he was now a servant of the same monster that held my own life in his gloved hands.
I allowed Jacob into the house while I headed upstairs, followed by the thoughts that filled me with guilt over what had happened to him. I applied more of Creole’s ointment so that my scar and stitches would continue to be hidden. I gathered my lockpicking tools and my pepper spray and finally joined Jacob downstairs. He was busy looking at the pictures hung up on my wall and when he noticed me he quickly spun on his heels and gave me a salute, a cheery smile on his stitched-up mouth.
“Let’s just get this over with,” I told him, barely able to stand his overly cheery demeanor. He nodded and followed me outside. I locked the door and followed him as he led me toward the voodoo store. As I followed Jacob, I took the letter he had given me and started reading it again. Something was bothering me.
“Where the hell does he need to go to be on a business trip?” I asked Jacob, again as if the mute bellboy could answer me. He shrugged his shoulders as he continued down the sidewalk. I looked back down at the letter and suddenly got a terrible feeling about something. Were there other freaks like Creole? If one freak exists, it only makes sense that others also exist. This horrible line of thought was abruptly halted when I walked into Jacob. I was about to get pissed at him but then I realized that we’d arrived at the voodoo shop.
“Oh,” I said, my cheeks getting warm with embarrassment. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts that we’d arrived in record time. Jacob just smiled and opened the door for me, I mouthed a quick thanks and entered the shop hoping to leave my embarrassment outside. Every voodoo doll quickly turned to look at me as soon as I entered. I quickly held my hands up to show them that it was me, and Jacob entering the store behind me put them all at ease. I guessed that they were some sort of security system for when their boss was away.
Jacob led me to Creole’s office and as we passed the basement door whatever was down there quickly began pounding at the door. It surprised me so badly that I screamed and quickly rushed past Jacob toward the office, putting as much distance as I could from the creature in the basement. I entered Creole’s office and quickly sat myself down on the comfy chair where I had received my life-saving surgery from Creole. Jacob followed after me and closed the door behind us.
He went behind Creole’s desk and began searching for something. I meanwhile finally took full notice of Creole’s office, since the last time I had been there I had been on death’s door. His office was filled with photos with a grand majority of them being scratched out in some way. All except one on his desk. I reached out and grabbed the picture frame to look at it. It was an old black-and-white photo of a man and a woman.
“Is that…” I held the photo closer to my eyes to examine it. The man was tall with messy black hair. “Creole?” I whispered to myself as the figure in the picture was a dead-ringer for Creole. Of course minus the button eyes and stitches across his mouth and neck. Just as I was about to examine the woman, the photo was suddenly snatched from my hands. I just about had a heart attack thinking that Creole had somehow returned and taken it from me. But it was only Jacob with more of my directions.
“Right, sorry,” I told him as I accepted the couple of pieces of paper he handed to me. There were Creole’s usual doodles of what I had to retrieve though these were the strangest ones yet. Though thinking back now it certainly seemed hard to top a clock that caused you to decay and a mirror that creates a horror version of yourself.
Creole wanted me to steal some sort of file and a porcelain doll. The porcelain doll made sense, the wall of voodoo dolls was enough to prove Creole’s obsession with dolls. But the file was what interested me more. What exactly did he want that for? Was it some sort of haunted file or something? I looked at the next page which was another letter. Why he couldn’t have just told me everything in the first letter was lost to me.
“Mace! By now Jacob should’ve given you the target of my current desire. After you’ve finished reading this and are ready to begin your final favor he’ll take you to your target. And I’m sure you’re dying to know where it is. It’s in a lovely Massachusetts mansion! The owner rarely ever goes there anymore so it should be a walk in the park for you! Just this last favor and you can finally go free.” He didn’t bother signing this one, but I could care less. The third paper appeared to be completely blank, so I just shoved that into my pocket with everything else.
“Well, I guess I’m ready,” I told Jacob as I stood up. He nodded and reached into his pocket. He rummaged around in there for a moment before he pulled out a key. The bow of it was a skull, which probably meant that it was a skeleton key of some sort. I’m sure Creole had gotten a kick out of it for that reason. The bellboy inserted the key into Creole’s office door and turned it. Before my eyes and Jacob’s buttons, the door began to morph and change into a much more ornate and fancier one. The golden initials CS were stamped onto each door and Jacob swung the door open for me.
“Wish me luck,” I said as he handed to key to me. I assumed so I could make a quick escape if the situation called for it. He held a thumbs up and waved goodbye to me as I stepped through the doors.
I had to blink my eyes furiously after entering the mansion as I was blasted with natural lighting that blinded me when compared to the dimly lit voodoo shop. This place was massive, from a giant chandelier above my head, to massive windows that let in plenty of sunlight into the mansion. But even despite its grandeur it felt, cold. Both in temperature and in feeling. It was the beginning of fall but even so, there wasn’t any reason for it to be this cold. Cold enough to see my breath. I shivered as I took my few steps forward into the mansion.
Right at the entrance next to the grand staircase was a giant family portrait of who I at first assumed were the owners of this massive palace. But judging by the clothes the woman was wearing and the style of suit the older man was wearing I quickly judged that they must be some kind of ancestors. The woman and man both had their hands on the boy in front of them. The mother and I assumed her son both had blonde hair, while the father had thick brown hair with a giant mustache.
“Where would this file be?” I wondered to myself after a moment of staring at the giant portrait. I reached into my pocket to try and find something in Creole’s notes. And to my surprise, the previously blank sheet of paper had suddenly transformed into a map of the mansion. To my surprise the file wasn’t located upstairs but in a downstairs office. Armed with this knowledge, I started making my way towards it, checking the map every so often so that I wouldn’t become lost in the maze of hallways and rooms that this mansion possessed.
The cold started getting to me as I shivered uncontrollably and vapors of breath poured from my mouth. The quicker I got this over with the better, not only as my final favor but because I wasn’t about to have myself catch a cold over this. Finally, I made it to the correct door. I tried to turn the knob and found it locked. I half expected this to just be a snatch-and-go, but I supposed that there was a reason Creole sent me.
Getting on my knees and warming up my hands with my breath, I quickly went about trying to pick this lock. What immediately struck me was how old this lock was. Not like rusty and about to fall apart old but in design old. I’d never come across a lock like this and I had to figure out how to actually go about picking it. My shaking hands and body also added to my struggles and I dropped my tools on more than one occasion.
Finally, after ten minutes of fumbling, cursing, and giving up once, I finally managed to open the door. “Let’s fucking go!” I shouted in excitement. Covering my mouth quickly as my voice echoed throughout the mansion. I quickly entered the room and closed the door behind me. I was surprised to see that it wasn’t an office, but more like a storage room with a few boxes and filing cabinets. He really wasn’t going to make this easy on me, was he?
I opened a few of the filing cabinets and found many of them empty, which sped up the process of finding the file I needed. It was the second to last one that finally yielded results. The only problem was that this cabinet was full of files. Just as I was about to try and steal all of them, one of them caught my eye. I was flipping through them and cursing Creole with every file that I flicked past when one felt different from the others. Mostly because it had a paperclip attached to it and a photo. I pulled this file out and looked down at it. The picture was of a woman who looked exactly like the woman at the entrance of the mansion. Opening it I read through it a little.
Abigail A. Sinclair.
Fell into deep and uncontrollable hysteria after the death of her husband, Cornelius A. Sinclair, and the return of her son from the war. Her son has seen fit to place her under the care of the Boston Psychopathic Hospital. Her son has requested that he not be informed of her progress or if she passes away in our care.
“Jeez,” I said as I flipped through more of the file. The most striking were two photos, one was of Abigail when she was mentally well and the next was her locked in a straight jacket and completely a shell of her former elegant self. Her hair was wild and her face was twisted into a look of intense fear and sorrow. I reached into my pocket to consult my magic pages and found that the map had now turned into a simple phrase.
“That one,” was all it said now. I looked back down at the file and stared at the haunting eyes of Abigail. I felt horrible for her, and I could only wonder what Creole wanted this for. But it was better for me not to think about that. I closed the file and tucked it under my armpit. The paper now changed back to a map and was leading me back towards the main entrance. Walking down the hallways was quicker now that I had an idea of where I was going, and I was back at the main entrance in no time.
The paper now told me to head up the grand staircase upstairs into one of the bedrooms. I assumed to Abigail’s room since judging by her file and the massive portrait she didn’t have a daughter. So I started making my way up the stairs, each of my footsteps echoing throughout the halls. At the top of the stairs, I was greeted by a different portrait, one of a tired-looking man in a suit. He had deep bags under his eyes and perfectly combed blonde hair.
“This must be the son,” I said as I approached the portrait. His scowl was enough to send a chill up my spine. It felt like his angry hazel eyes were staring deep into my soul. I shivered hard and quickly moved past the portrait. I reached Abigail’s room and was happy to see that it was open. The room was pristine and perfect in every way. It felt like it had been deliberately kept this way and I was intruding on a museum piece.
There, sitting on the bed, was the doll. A small little porcelain one. I was going to have to be careful lest I end up accidentally dropping and shattering it. I walked to the bed and carefully picked her up. All I had to do now was make it back to the office and I would never have to deal with shit like this ever again.
I exited the bedroom and headed towards the stairs, passing the portrait of the son. Just as I did I was suddenly and violently grabbed by the throat. In my surprise and shock at being suddenly attacked, I dropped everything I was holding to grip the mystery hand that was choking me. I watched in terror as the porcelain doll began to fall to the floor. Instead of shattering into a million pieces though it was caught in midair by something.
“May I ask what you’re doing here?” A deep voice asked me. I looked up toward the portrait and stared at it as it seemed to come to life. The son stepped right out of the portrait and continued his death hold on me while the doll floated up next to him. I don’t exactly know how he expected me to answer him, but he gave me an opportunity after he dropped me to the floor.
“Wh-” I gasped as I tried to suck in air only to be met with a skeletal goopy form staring at me from the floor. I let out a croak that was supposed to be a scream before falling backward and almost falling down the giant staircase.
“That freak sent you here, didn’t he?” The man asked as he looked down at me on the floor. The strange goopy creature slithered around him like some kind of snake before perching itself on his shoulder and letting out strange gurgles from its bright white mouth. Two beady white eyes stared down at me along with the exhausted eyes of the man who had just stepped out of a painting.
“C-Creole?” I asked him, standing up and reaching into my pocket, rubbing my thumb across my pepper spray. I didn’t know if it would do anything to him, but I needed some sort of protection and this was all I had in that department.
“Yes, that bastard,” he said as he took the file from the creature as it lifted it towards him. He took it and the moment his eyes saw the picture of his mother I could tell he wanted to kill me right there. “Why the fuck would he want this?” he asked me, his creature slithering over to me and opening its giant white maw.
“I-I don’t know! He just told me to get these things!” I told the son, quickly holding my hand up and uncapping my pepper spray. The creature stopped just before it could eat me and then quickly slithered back over to its master. I lowered my hand and watched as the creature morphed into the shape of his shadow.
“Sending a woman to do his dirty work. I knew he was pathetic but not this pathetic,” he hissed and I could immediately tell that he saw me as less than a parasite. His tired eyes were burning with rage as stared at me. I figured he was trying to figure out what to do to me. And I wasn’t going to let him think that over. I pulled my pepper spray out and quickly sprayed him with it.
That caught him off guard and he let out a pained shout, quickly covering his eyes with his arm. That summoned his creature back from his shadow, in fact as I saw him emerge once again it was obvious that the thing was his shadow. I had gotten the spray’s fumes in my own eyes and they began to sting and tears started streaming from them. I took this opportunity to sprint down the stairs. It's some miracle that I didn’t fall and break my shit.
I made it to the main entrance and quickly fished in my pocket for the skeleton key. I shoved it into the keyhole and turned it. I watched and waited for the door to finish morphing and when it did I flung the door open and slammed it shut behind me. I panted and sniffled as now my nose began to run uncontrollably along with the tears in my eyes. I felt a pair of hands hold my face up and suddenly cold water being poured onto my face.
“Jacob?” I asked as the pain and tears began to subside. His pale smiling face was more comforting to me than anything else could’ve been. I shoved my face into his bright red uniform and hugged him tightly. The floodgates opened, I don’t know if it was from the pepper spray or my latest near-death experience but I began to cry uncontrollably into Jacob’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a soft hug.
“Macedonia.” Creole’s voice broke this brief comfort session. I looked up from Jacob’s chest and whimpered softly upon seeing him there staring back at me. “I take it, that it didn’t go well?” Creole asked with a smile still on his face. I shook my head and gripped Jacob as if he was going to save me in some way.
“I-I’m sorry sir…he…he came out of the painting and..who was that?” I asked as my thoughts ran at a million miles an hour. Jacob produced a napkin from his pocket and offered it to me. I took it and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.
“That would be a lovely associate of mine. Constantine Sinclair. He doesn’t take too kindly to my antics I’m afraid. Unfortunate that you weren’t able to get those items. I would’ve loved to have that kind of information to hold over his stupid blonde hair.” Creole sighed as he sat down behind his desk.
“Where even were you?” I asked as Creole looked at me. He smiled at me and watched as Jacob continued to comfort me. He seemed to watch us for a moment as he digested the question that I had just asked him.
“I was at a lovely dinner with my other associates and Sinclair. It was going just about as well as it normally does when Sinclair suddenly stood up from the table and immediately headed towards the door. I take it you must have tripped some kind of alarm.” Creole said with a laugh as he began to drum his fingers on his desk.
I stared at him for a moment as I tried to figure out in my head where he could’ve possibly had some sort of alarm. Then I remembered the painting. Was there something about it that he could see through it? Was that how he had been able to see me inside his mansion?
Jacob helped me stand back up and bowed to the two of us before leaving the office. Creole stared at me with those giant buttons for what felt like an eternity. I was sure that he was going to do something horrible to me for this second failure to complete a task for him.
“Welp, a deal’s a deal, Mace.” He shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back in his chair. “You’re free to go.” He shooed me away as he looked down at his desk. I stood there in shock. Surely it wasn’t going to be this easy, was it? Just as I turned to leave though he stopped me.
“There is one more thing though.” The tone in which he said this sent a chill up my spine. He was giddy with excitement and also ominously followed by low chuckles. “Your daddy came to visit me the other day.”
I spun on my heels quickly and stared at him. He was resting his head on his hand and smiled at me. The smile was one of superiority over me.
“He begged me to help with his financial situation. And I’m inclined to help him. Of course, if he doesn’t think his wish over thoroughly. I’d hate to see a repeat of your friends and Jacob.” He threatened me as he drummed his fingers on his desk.
“Stay away from my family,” I warned him, even though I had nothing to back it up with. He giggled at that and stood up from his chair.
“Or what? You’ll call the police? You’ll kill me?” He hummed and shook his head. “How about a trade? I spare your father, and your mother for good measure. And you become my permanent errand girl.” His gross yellow smile sharpened into fangs as he stared at me.
I clenched my fists tightly. I had no choice. He had every good card in the deck. He had a royal flush and I had a one-of-a-kind. I wanted nothing more than to rip his head off. Maybe even go back and try and work for the blondie. But I was stuck here now in this moment.
“I want it in writing. I don’t want you changing the deal.” I demanded. He nodded quickly and reached behind his desk to produce a contract.
“Feel free to read it.” He slid it across the desk toward me. I walked over to it and looked down at it. It was everything he had told me beforehand without any fine print for me to read. He offered me a pen and twirled it around his fingers as I stared at it in thought.
“How long for?” I asked him as I took the pen from him.
“Until I get bored with you,” he said with a smile. I stared at him and then down at the paper. I love my mom and dad more than anything in this world. Including myself. So I signed the paper. I watched as my signature melted into the paper and turned into gold letters on the page.
“Wonderful! You’re free to go home. Don’t worry about Sinclair either. I’ll handle him.” He shooed me away as he rolled the paper up and caused it to disappear from his gloved fingers. I silently left his office in complete defeat. Jacob was waiting at the door for me and he opened it for me.
“Thanks…” I mumbled to him as I left the shop and started my way home. This was my life now. Stuck in a contract with a horrible voodoo monster with no possible way out until he got bored with me. I had no way of escaping this. All I had going for me was that for now, my family was safe. And really at the end of the day. That’s all I wanted.

"Provider"
Justine has all the unstable rage of Faith but with neither the charisma nor a valid beef with the main characters.
Angel's channeling S1 Cordy, the constantly talking about money. I guess the cost of living for just himself was pretty low, as he's not living. Pig's blood probably doesn't cost much since the butchers just throw it away otherwise.
Damn, Jeffrey Dean Morgan! I wasn't sure it was him at first, because I'm not used to seeing him clean-shaven. It almost seems wrong for him to play a character that isn't a badass.
Angel talks about Connor going to Notre Dame, class of 2020, but that would be the year he graduates high school. He'd be college class of 2024. ...Fuck. I'm glad the little bastard got aged up, so he'd be like 38 now. He deserves it.
The way Sam talks about his best friend, going to all this trouble for the watch, the first thing he ever bought him, makes me think they were lovers.
This zombie ex-boyfriend subplot isn't working for me.
I swear the way Gunn and Wes are acting around Fred is exactly the way I and two friends acted around a certain girl when we were like 14, plus or minus. ...One of us did date the girl, and it wasn't me.
Aw, so sweet, watching Cordy feed her future baby daddy.
"Doublemeat Palace"
In the cold open, Xander looks like he's reacting to the idea of spending the rest of his life with specifically Anya. As much as I think he doesn't want to be married, I think he wants to be married to Anya even less.
Ah, I remember the old-ass training videos to start working at a restaurant chain. I'm triggered.
I'm suddenly noticing the bright red lipstick Buffy's wearing to work in a fast food joint.
I'm pretty sure that anywhere in the country, they'd be legally required to clock Buffy in before making her watch the training video.
I just don't like mixing red meat with white meat. Bacon on a hamburger, fine, goes really well. But chicken and beef? Pass.
So much of the humor of this episode is in SMG's facial expressions.
Are Spike and Buffy dry-humping or what? That particular activity really should be renamed, BTW.
Halfrek is a classic passive-aggressive frenemy.
That was a jumpscare when the worm thing stuck its head back out of the grinder.
Amy's nasty.
Oh, Buffy. She should have just extorted them for a large amount of money. Bet she could have gotten six figures, maybe seven.
"Waiting in the Wings"
Don't know where anyone gets the idea that Angel and Cordy don't have chemistry. I mean, they're not Buffy and Faith, but got some sparks going. And I'm a fan of deep friendship as a foundation for romantic love.
Summer Glau's acting debut, pretty awesome.
I wish the ballet troupe was free to live their lives in the 21st century. It's thematically appropriate, though, that freeing them from Kurskov means only that they fade away; in Giselle, Giselle manages to break free of the Wilis through the power of her love for Albrecht, then bids him goodbye and returns to her grave to rest in peace.
Fucking Groo.
"Dead Things"
The closer I get to "Seeing Red", the less I want to keep going.
The first time I watched this, when Buffy said, "I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me," I was unfamiliar with that phrase and thought she meant she was going nuts and starting to imagine they were real.
"Willing sex slave." And none of the Trio sees the contradiction. To them, "consent" is just an obstacle that they've discovered can be overcome by magic.
Huh. Amelinda Smith, the actress who played Katrina used to be married to Ethan Embry, which made me do a double-take because when I looked up the actress who played Allison (zombie ex-boyfriend subplot in "Provider"), I saw that she is married to him now.
Smith had one uncredited role after Buffy, and that's it. I'm surprised by how brief her career was.
Xander and Dawn's dance practice for the wedding = practice for their eventual wedding.
The cerebral dampener lasts, what, an hour? Less? And on one charge. Pretty useless. Fortunately.
Warren has a REALLY hairy chest.
If Warren hadn't panicked he might have realized, what's Katrina gonna do, tell the cops that Warren brainwashed her with a flash of light?
You'd think Buffy and Spike would have realized Katrina's body was cold.
And Buffy somehow gets blindsided next episode by Dawn having abandonment issues. Her insistence on turning herself in isn't heroic. It's self-loathing. It's prioritizing her own feelings over Dawn being left with no family at not even 16.
"Older and Far Away"
Why anyone would think Buffy needs to be set up is beyond me. She's not a wallflower. She could find a boyfriend if she really wanted to.
Spike and Halfrek recognizing each other. Weird moment.
Not Dawnie's best episode.
"Couplet"
Also, the closer I get to "Sleep Tight", the less I want to keep going. They were really determined to ruin just, like, everything this year, huh?
I could do without Gunn and Fred staring sappily at each other. Now I had to look up "sappily" because Firefox says it isn't a word, but it is, so ha!
Angel's jealousy toward Groo reminds me of Buffy's reaction to Joyce and Hank bringing Dawn home from the hospital.
Was there any reason to cut Groo's hair beyond making him look more like Angel? He needed modern clothes, yes, but some men in L.A. have long hair. Maybe Mark Lutz requested it.
"Loyalty"
Wesley's being a dick, but Gunn doesn't have much of a leg to stand on considering he and Fred are just coming off a fuckup where they lost sight of someone they were supposed to be watching because they couldn't stop sucking face.
I know Sahjhan traveled through time to rewrite the prophecy, but how'd he get the talking hamburger to go along with it? It's not a very helpful source if all it does is tell you that whatever ancient prophecy you've read is true and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise, even if it's not true.
Refusing to make a distinction between Angel and Angelus is one way Xander pissed off a lot of viewers, and it's what Holtz is doing, though his irrationality is easier to understand. Also, he doesn't want to fuck someone who's in love with Angel. Still, he does a lot of fucked-up things and calls it justice. Jenny's uncle at least admitted that justice had nothing to do with their tribe's vendetta.
"As You Were"
I hate it when the recap spoils the episode, like making it blindingly obvious Riley's coming back, even though I'm past being spoiled. I mean, I could have been watching with a newbie.
Right before Sam shows up, Buffy and Riley spend a really long time looking at each other like they're about to fuck.
I feel like they're trying to do too much with Sam in one episode, having her quickly endear herself to each of the Scoobies in a way that doesn't feel organic.
Riley's reappearance was a good way to shake things up for Buffy so she'd stop hooking up with Spike.
The helicopter couldn't land to pick Riley and Sam up? Are they just gonna dangle from the line all the way to Nepal?
"Sleep Tight"
Wesley isn't talking to Fred or Gunn about the supposed prophecy because he's butthurt. That's pretty much it.
I think Holtz would have killed Justine if she hadn't mouthed the party line. He doesn't deserve the blind loyalty she gives him. He doesn't care about anyone or anything except his revenge.
I'm really looking forward to when Wesley gets to threaten to take away Justine's bucket.
Threatening to murder a baby...No, Holtz is a monster. And Justine witnesses this and is fine with it. She's a monster too.
You know, I read some of a fic once. I liked the concept, but it was just this awful mess of typos that made it borderline incomprehensible, so I gave up. Anyway, Buffy arrives for some reason during the standoff, and she rather than Holtz ends up falling through the portal with Connor. Connor being a few months old, he can't eat solid food (and he's shown in this episode to still be on formula), and Buffy manages to induce lactation in herself to feed him. WTF did Holtz do here in canon?
"Hell's Bells"
Holy shit. That guy playing Xander's dad, Casey Sander--he played Bernadette's dad on The Big Bang Theory.
Man, the way Willow and Tara are making eyes at each other while helping Anya with her dress, it's a wonder they wait another two episodes before jumping each other's bones.
It's nice how Buffy and Spike can kind of just be, the way they did before they started fucking.
That string quartet is REALLY bad at reading the room.
The lame attempts to entertain the guests are certainly the kind of things Buffy would do.
Xander sucks. This might be the worst thing he ever did. No one held a gun to his head. He proposed, completely unsolicited, and persisted even when Anya thought it wasn't sincere. He had every opportunity to speak up after that. He waited until the worst possible moment.
Stewart's plan never would have worked if it weren't for Xander's insecurities. What was he going to do if the groom wasn't secretly terrified of turning into his drunkard father?
"Normal Again"
I've repeatedly seen assertions that the other Scoobies didn't do anything for Anya in this time, therefore they're bad friends, but she just vanished. They don't know where she's gone. What exactly are they supposed to be doing?
It rings false, the way this "doctor" talks about Buffy like she isn't even there. I'm not a mental health professional, but it seems harmful.
I noticed some time ago that the nerds always call Buffy the Slayer, never by name. Makes it easier if she's less of a person to them. Jonathan might have used her name a couple of times, but not Warren or Andrew. It's all part of their twisted cosplay.
Dawn misunderstands what the hallucination is about. It's not Buffy's ideal world. That would be too suspect, too easy to reject. And what about having been in a mental institution from 15 to 21 is ideal? But it is a world that, in many ways, is easier. There's no one she has to take care of; instead, others are taking care of her. No bills to pay. She doesn't have to fight monsters to the death. Her mom's alive, and her dad actually loves her.
Here's where you see the great writing. In another show, the challenge would be getting the demon and making the antidote. Buffy's hallucination would just be something that happens while she waits, and in a good show, it would provide insight into the character. But in Buffy, she has to overcome the hallucination, because getting the antidote was the relatively easy part; she has to choose real life over something that tempts her away from it.
Spike knows exactly how to make everything worse. People usually jump to the attempted rape, but him giving her that speech and threatening to tell the Scoobies about Buffy fucking him was high-grade toxicity. The assault really was the culmination of it all.
Kill, kill, kill. Kill, Buffy. Kill everybody. You know you want to.
Jokes aside, prescribing murder is an interesting treatment plan, even supposedly fantasy murder. I mean, in that situation, would you want to set the precedent that the way to get rid of the world you've decided isn't real is by killing the people in it?
I had the idea that the speech that lifts Buffy up came from the real Joyce thanks to TPTB, but the part where she talks like Hank's NOT a deadbeat...nah.
Circling back to the great writing, we don't see the part where Buffy takes the antidote. That part is irrelevant; she's already rejected the hallucination.
Joss Whedon on reality versus fantasy: "If [viewers] decide that the entire thing is all playing out in some crazy person's head, well, the joke of the thing to us was it is, and that crazy person is me."
Marti Noxon: "It was a fake out; we were having some fun with the audience. I don't want to denigrate what the whole show has meant. If Buffy's not empowered then what are we saying? If Buffy's crazy, then there is no girl power; it's all fantasy. And really the whole show stands for the opposite of that, which is that it isn't just a fantasy. There should be girls that can kick ass. So I'd be really sad if we made that statement at the end. That's why it's just somewhere in the middle saying 'Wouldn't it be funny if...?' or 'Wouldn't this be sad or tragic if...?' In my feeling, and I believe in Joss' as well that's not the reality of the show. It was just a tease and a trick."

What are some farewell phrases in your country . I know of hasta luego , te veo , nos vemos , vaya con dios ( which adiós is shortened, just like goodbye is short for “ god be with you” ) . But I know the frequency of each phrase may vary country to country and I know there are probably some other colloquial phrases from your countries . Let me hear them !

I don't know if I'm in the right sub for this, but...
Long story short,
I can read and write in English, as well as watch content such as films and YouTube videos without subtitles and without much difficulty, but I am very bad with pronunciation, although I can get by in a conversation.
I produce and write music as a hobby and recently started using an AI to sing. When I submitted a song for feedback, people said that some phrases didn't sound natural and that someone fluent in the language wouldn't pronounce the words that way.
I would like to know if anyone can help me with the pronunciation of words words\phrases that sound like this.
Here's a link to ithe song.
Thank you for your time.
Edit: The lyrics
[Verse 1]
Come dance with me and
Let your body feel my heat
While the dj is throwing this beat
I like the look you give
Whenever you smile and start acting naughty
Biting of my lips
Dropping it low and setting me on fire
We can do this all night
No limits, no rules, just pure desire
[Verse 2]
Yeah baby, we can do this all night
While I move you will get hypnotized
I like the way you hold me and I
Wanna have fun with you tonight
I will make a private show to you
And you will remember it forever
I'll leave my lisptick on your neck
So they know you're mine and you are coming back
[Chorus]
I want you to look at me
As you bring heaven to me
Keep falling under my charm
Losing yourself in my arms
I want you to look at me
Look at me
[Verse 3]
I like when you tease me
Talk dirty with me
Dress up that lingerie
I'm addicted to you
In making out with you
In waking up next to you
I like how you call my name
How you hold your frame
How well you play that game
The way you wink at me
Walk towards me
And whisper in my ears
[Verse 4]
When we do things that way
I get turned on
When I'm with you I don't
Wanna think of how I miss you
I just wanna kiss you till you're gone
Everytime I'm with you time flies
I keep drowning in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye
When we do things that way
I get turned on
When I'm with you I don't
Wanna think of how I miss you
I just wanna kiss you till
[Chorus]
Look at me
As you bring heaven to me
Keep falling under my charm
Losing yourself in my arms
I want you to -
I want you to look at me
Look at me

I'm not sure how helpful it will be to post here because I think my issue goes far beyond the usual conflicts one might find in a traditional dnd campaign. So before anyone reads this I wants to emphasise that 1. this was my very first dnd campaign and I joined it without any prior knowledge, and 2. this campaign was never intended to be a traditional "we're heroes and trying to save the world while fighting monsters left and right" campaign. I hope this answers any questions along the lines of "Well, why did you create this kind of character in the first place?" and "Why do your characters spend so much time talking about stuff, don't you have some beholders to fight?". I also cannot explain the whole situation without writing a literal 20 page long essay, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible and only give two examples. I'm definitely leaving a lot of details out here, so please let me know if clarifications or futher information is needed.
To preface what this is all about: I was a player in a very roleplay focused campaign and my character basically turned into the problem child of this campaign. I never intended for my character to be the focus, was never interested in him being the focus, but nothing I ever did suceeded in solving the issues at hand and taking the focus away from him. I constantly got accused of "making my character suffer", whereas from my perspective I was constantly trying to keep this character safe from the constant attacks he had to endure. It was like no matter what I did, no matter what I let this character do, it was never right. I think everyone in this group makes an effort to play their characters realistically, I defininitely do. And yet it was never me going "I know exactly what my character has to do to fix this but I'll REFUSE to do it because I don't like it" but me literally having no clue what people wanted from this character. The dm repeatedly said that nothing they tried to fix this character was helping. Whereas from my perspective these things that were supposed to "help" my character were the exact things that my character was struggling with. So it turned into a constant stream of something happening, my character then feeling bad, then everyone focusing on my character feeling bad, then my character trying to fix things, everyone telling him that he's doing it wrong, my character feeling even worse.... and me wondering why my character cannot just exist in peace, why we constantly have to focus on him instead of the "plot". I don't think anyone was interested in constantly discussing my character's mental state, I definitely wasn't interested in doing that, and yet we kept doing it. But I also did not know how to have him react differently to the constant shit getting thrown at him.
______
So, basically:
Around three years ago a friend of mine told me about this new dnd campaign they were starting and asked me to join. I've known this friend for half my life but we never lived close to each other, maintaining loose contact over Twitter and me visisting them every two or three years. I had never played dnd before, which they didn't think would be a problem, calling the campaign "very beginner friendly". The whole point behind this campaign was that both this friend (the dm) and two of the players from the main campaign they were playing wanted to play more regularly, so my friend/dm came up with this campaign which was basically a prequel to that main campaign. That main campaign was a more "traditional" dnd campaign with a quest to save the world and regular combat. Meanwhile this new campaign was supposed to be focused on roleplay. There was no overarching plot or quest and the setting was an arcane school and our characters were supposed to be students at said school, just starting their first semester.
When creating our characters the dm asked us to include at least one character in the backstory that was important for our character, and also an objective for our character, something they wanted to achieve. The character I came up with was a young half-elf wizard specialising in abjuration. The gist of his story was that his parents had been arrested and executed for high treason when he was very young and that he grew up rather isolated with his older brother in a place they were not allowed to leave before coming off age. When my character was 14 he woke up one morning to find his brother gone. He had left him only a cryptic letter, hinting at wanting to find out what had really happened to their parents, telling my character that he was sorry and that he would come back. When his brother had not come back after several months, my character too ran away and made his way to Candlekeep, which he had visited many times with his parents (who had been scholars) as a child. He tried to find answers in Candlekeep and spent the following three years hiding in the library before something prompted him to leave and travel to the aforementioned arcane school in order to study there. His objective was to find out why his parents had to die, what happened to his brother, and adjusting to normal life after years of isolation.
Personality wise this character was supposed to be very kind, very gentle, quite naive, honest, and at the beginning of the campaign rather anxious. My assumption was that after growing up in isolation he would need some time to get acclimatised and would be anxious and overwhelmed in the beginning but would loosen up with time and become more self-confident. Some bad stuff happened early on in the campaign and he reacted to it in a rather not healthy way (withdrawing, refusing to eat, but also not talking about what was going on because he didn't want to put the focus on himself). I messed up here, I realised that later. I assumed the other characters would sit him down and ask him what was going on, leading to some kind of cathartic conversation, my character then revealing his past, and him becoming more confident and positive through it, completely resolving this issue. I didn't realise that introducing these kind of psychological issues into the story would be an issue, simply because I wasn't planning on making it a big thing. I thought it would be realistic for him to react this way and I thought it was something that could easily be resolved. Nowadays I would approach this completely differently: if I were to play this character now I would make this whole "accepting his past, becoming more self-confident and open" thing part of his backstory and would start him off as being confident and in tune with his emotions, instead of trying to quickly get through this development at the start of the campaign. So I think I know what I SHOULD have done to prevent this from escalating. What I am trying to figure out is what I could have done to fix it AFTER realising my mistake. Because we spent months and months trying to resolve this issue and never really got anywhere. Despite me trying my best to keep the focus away from my character, despite me trying to turn him into someone more confident and happy, despite me NOT WANTING him to be the focus of the story and doing my best to keep him out of the spotlight.
______
Here is an example of the things going on in the story, to which my character reacted badly and me not knowing how else I could have had him react that would not have caused further conflict:
Over the course of the campaign L. figured out what his brother was up to after him and his friends getting intro trouble and a mysterious stranger helping them get out of there and that stranger then revealing himself to be A.'s husband (and therefore my character's brother-in-law). L. had a lenghty discussion with this person and after that I basically viewed L.'s conflict as resolved: he now knew why his brother had left, he knew that it had not been his fault, and he knew that his brother had found someone who loved him and was not alone. L. still hoped to be able to see his brother again to get to say goodbye properly. Because in L.'s mind there was no other possibility but this being a goodbye: his brother had a new life now that he, L., was not part of anymore. And L. accepted that. There was no anger, no resentment, only relief knowing that his brother was not alone, had someone by his side who loved him, and that he still cared about L. and that L. had not - as he had feared - done anything that had caused his brother to not want to be near him anymore. He had finally gotten the closure he had needed, he was feeling okay and I viewed this whole conflict as resolved.
Fast forward a few weeks: A. finally suceeded in doing what he had been working on these past few years and returned to L., just like he had promised in the letter he had left him all that time ago. When talking to him, L. realised that A. was not actually planning on leaving, like L. had assumed. Instead A. told him that he and his husband would stay and look for a new home near L.'s school. L. was very surprised by this but of course he was also happy. He hadn't even considered that his brother would stay. His biggest hope had been that his brother would occasionally send him a letter from whereever he was. Him actually wanting to stay was very unexpected for L. but of course he was very happy about it. They also had some good conversations during that time, which not only brought L. further closure but also revealed connections between several past plot points.
About a week after A.'s return L. went to visit him. He just wanted to spend some time with his brother and also ask him for advice. The semester was coming to an end and everyone was busy preparing for the final exams and L. also still needed to find an internship placement for the summer break. L. wanted to do his internship in Candlekeep but was unsure on how to approach this, who to contact, how to phrase his request, so he thought asking his eloquent and knowledgable brother for advice would be a good idea. This conversation quickly went downhill with A. accusing L. of not respecting the people working at Candlekeep enough to do proper research beforehand and L. ending up feeling like he didn't deserve doing an internship there and ending up feeling even more stressed out about the whole thing than he had already been beforehand. They changed the topic and at some point A. started to jokingly fighting L. and putting him in a headlock. L. had no interest in fighting his brother, even as a joke, and reacted by going limp so he could slip away. A. then asked something along the lines of "So that's how you react in a fight? You just give up?" and L. said "Well, I know you would never intentionally hurt me with no good reason". The next second L. was falling. He was up in the sky, the ground many meters below him, and he was falling. L. immediately deduced that this must be some kind of enchantment and tried to fight it, but neither acknowledging that this wasn't real nor trying to shake it off did anything. He did not know any flying or hovering spells, nothing that would help him stop the fall, and ended up crashing into the ground. The next moment he was in some kind of water pool inside a cave that he struggled to get out of. A. was waiting by the cave entrance and offered L. his hand when he got out. L. refused to take it. A. then left and L. eventually followed, finding himself back in the room they had been in before. Either in the cave or shortly afterwards A. asked L. why he hadn't just used a spell to stop his fall, being surprised by L.'s statement that he had not yet learned an appropriate spell. L. eventually sat down at the table and did some exam preparation. A. made some food and put some in front of L. which L. ignored. Eventually, L. looked up and asked A. what his biggest fear was. A. had just put L. through several of his biggest fears - falling, drowning, not being able to trust the ones he loves, and getting his control taken away - so he wanted to know what A. was scared of most. A. the told L. that his biggest fear was someone using his abilities to do something bad. And then he explained to L. that he had come to the conclusion that he would not be able to stay after all. That while he was able to defend himself, L. was not, and anyone wanting to get to A. would have an easy time doing so through L. who was evidently not able to defend himself. L. did not take that well and asked A. why he couldn't just train L. so he would get better at defending himself but A. refused. A. then said he would take a walk and allowed L. to come with him. They walked for several hours without talking, ending up in the middle of a forest where some ancient creature appeared that A. had helped several years ago and that was now nearing the end of its life and had called A. there to say goodbye. A. also explained to L. that he did not actually want to stay. That he - A. - had been naive in thinking that he could just live a normal life and that it had been nothing but a dream and that he simply wasn't made for that kind of life. Some time during that conversation A. also told L. that he was convinced that he would end up in the Nine Hells for the things he had done. They spent the night in the woods and the next morning L. realised that all his things had been stolen by some fey creatures, including his spell book. After searching for several hours they were able to find his spellbook, which had been smeared with insults. A. managed to clean it up and they returned back home and L. was reuinted with the rest of the group. Before L. left A. also gifted him an indestructable spellbook. A few days after these events L. went to the temple and addressed Mystra, telling her how lost he was feeling and how worried he was about his brother. He told her that he wanted nothing more than to protect the ones around him but how he was constantly failing in doing so. And how he just wanted his brother to be safe and how he was worried he would really eventually end up in the Nine Hells and how he didn't think A. deserved that but that he didn't know how to prevent that from happening. The next morning L. found some strange piece of cloth on his face which after some examination was revealed to be an item belonging to Mystra which she had used to hide something in the past. The very condensed explanation of what that item does is that when attuned to it one cannot be found through any kind of traditional divination magic, making one basically undetectable. The next time L. saw A. he told him about this item and A. was basically like "Oh cool, well in that case we can actually stay here". L.'s reaction was to start crying and A. asked him why he was so upset and why everything was always the end of the world to him.
The way I see this whole situation: I simply wanted L. to spend some time with his brother, hopefully get some advice from him regarding that internship and then going back to the rest of the group. Instead what happened was that A. first called him disrespectful for wanting to do an internship at a place and not having done enough research beforehand. Then taking L.'s statement "you wouldn't hurt me with no good reason" as a reason to assault L. Then telling L. that he would not stay after all due to L. apparently not being able to defend himself. Then explaining to him that "actually, I didn't want to stay in the first place", and then a few days later telling him he WILL stay after all. So basically, L. had accepted that his brother would not come back to him for good, he had accepted this and had found closure. Then his brother told him he WOULD stay and L. was of course happy about this surprising turn of events. Then his brother told him that due to L. not being able to defend himself he CANNOT stay. Then he tells him he doesn't WANT to stay anyway, confirming the exact reasoning behind L.'s initial assumption that A. would not stay. And then after realising the threat was eliminated, decided to stay afterall, despite having it made very clear that he did not actually WANT to stay... and apparently only staying because he thought that's what L. wants, despite L. repeatedly explaining that his priority is for A. to be happy and that he does not want A. to stay if that's not what makes him happy and A. just completely ignoring that? Am I really the only person who thinks that it's understandable why L. is confused and upset in this situation? Plus the constant "What do you mean, you don't know [this one simple thing]?" when L. is already barely able to get a regular long rest in between trying to keep up with school work and all the stuff that's going on at the side, like a literal war for example, and constantly feeling that no matter what he decides it's always wrong and he never has enough time to do the things he is supposed to do, let alone the things he wants to do? Plus him wanting to spend the afternoon with his brother turning into a 36 hour long event and him having to spend half a day looking for his spellbook, only to find it smeared with insults?
Am I being dense for not understanding what the whole point of this was? Trying to make it clear to L. that his brother is a powerful and dangerous person? He was already very aware of that and did not need a reminder. Proving to L. that he shouldn't trust his brother? Why even associate with him in the first place if you don't want him to trust you? Giving him the indestructable spellbook was nice. But was having some fey creatures steal his original one and smear insults all over it and him having to spend hours searching for it really necessary?
Whatever the hell it is the dm was trying to do here, I think a simple, calm conversation between those two would have been a lot more effective.
But maybe it's clearer from the outside, so if someone else understands what happened here, please help me understand.
______
Another situation was that due to his struggles early on in the campaign, my character was supposed to see the school's healer once a week so she could make sure that he was okay. My character went there once a week, feeling more or less okay when entering her office, and coming out feeling confused and upset after having his mental state analysed and picked apart. Neither did my character enjoy this, nor did I think that any of the players (including myself) had any interest in listening to my character discuss his emotions every week. So eventually, I had my character write a letter to the headmistress, explaining that he wanted to stop doing these weekly check-ins. Upon being asked why, he explained that these appointments actively made him feel bad and that he would do a lot better if he didn't constantly feel pressured into talking about things he didn't want to talk about. The reaction was that he was told that if he cannot handle simply being asked how he was doing once a week, then he wasn't stable enough to go to school, and consequently got kicked out. This led to us spending two sessions trying to resolve this and my character eventually being allowed back into the school. ______
The situations I described are the kind of thing that constantly happened to my character.
We had a calendar where we wrote down short descriptions of what happened each day. I once went through this calendar with a friend (who does not play dnd) and it basically went like this: "So that day this traumatic thing happened to L., and the next day this happened, and two days later this happened, then the next day he almost died, then three days later he discovered this, the next day this other thing happened,....", and my friend just went "Holy shit, it's no surprise that this kid is losing his marbles."
So I keep alternating between "I messed up this whole campaign by creating a problematic character" and the feeling that the dm had it out for specifically my character and it didn't matter what I did, nothing could have solved this.
Some constructive ideas on what I did wrong and what I could have done to fix things would be appreciated. (And yes, we did talk about this in the group. I eventually got tired of talking about it because it never lead anywhere.

TL;DR - Stop letting cis people hold all the power over your access to care. GenderGP has failed our community and that’s it.
Like the title says, let’s talk about GenderGP.
Not about the information I can’t share due to contractual obligations, but the things I can that are a public detriment and largely ethical issues that impact your continuity of care and community safely.
I’m really not interested in someone here gaslighting what all my colleagues went through, telling us to get over it, move on, and enabling Helen to continue what she’s doing with zero accountability.
So please, don’t belittle the absolutely horrific experience we went through because bootlicking Helen sounds more favourable.
In January 2024, we had enough staff. There had been large hiring in the fall to accompany the increase of received pathways. Nine new staff had been taken on from October to December. The majority being community members themselves. The workload was manageable with proper leadership and guidance.
Let’s remember that our community already deals with significant socioeconomic factors that make it difficult to find jobs at all. The large majority of us were passionate about this area of work, both because we had lived experiences, and because we wanted to make a difference in what we couldn’t achieve in public healthcare with the prevalent systemic issues. Many of us had multiple jobs or were going to school as well.
We were contractors (the people remaining still are) with limited rights. We knew what that meant. Our contracts stipulated that if we were to have our contracts ended, OR if we decided to leave the company, we’d need to give or be given 60 days notice. We could be terminated for a number of reasons, none of them listed on the contracts stated for “restructuring.” Note: all of the new contracts after spring do not have this clause, they can fire people without notice or reason, and already have.
Our entire functionality of services - from the portal that was used, CRM that existed, records, etc., was absolutely outdated, there is no denying that. There were a lot of places to pull information from that made tasks difficult. But all of the teams knew their roles and where to get the information so that while things could be improved, at least they could continue to run as they were in the meantime. We all know mistakes happen and that it’s shit when they do, but at least we could make it right the best way we could.
GGP had already dumped significant money into developing a Salesforce tool for all your CRM needs. It was getting to a point it could have been functional and ready to launch to improve everything I stated above. There was an entire experienced IT/systems development team that existed to get this prepared over the last two years. Public emails were already going to patients from the application to update details, this isn’t unknown information.
Instead of that being finalised, Helen fired the entire systems team without warning, leaving everything to do with Salesforce fucked over because no one who remained knew anything about maintaining it. She also fired the entire media and marketing team mid-last year.
She had teams that could do everything you can possibly think of that is going to shit right now.
Late last year, we all did employee surveys about our working experiences and motivation to stay with the company. The results were glowing, we were content. There would always be things we wanted to change, but that exists with any company. It’s not an attack to make suggestions, if we stay complacent in anything, it makes us ignorant to what can improve and that’s it. And as community members with lived experiences, of course we had things we’d like to change.
We were told another employee survey would be sent out in the new year, and then, all the below happened before it came out.
In late January we were told we needed to start using the Healthy Hormones website in everything we did. From the prescriptions team using it to ensure bloods were up to date, to pathology using it answer any and all questions from the page that existed, to queries using it to direct people there. And to be clear, we already did these things, it's not like the tools didn't already exist. This slowed down everyone’s work significantly, which in hindsight, feels entirely intentional at this point because then she can go and proclaim that: “Oh shucks, these changes were awfully necessary, can’t you see!”
It slowed us down because none of us were trained on any of it (new tools, website in general) and even though we all knew the answer to the situation or things being asked, they didn’t exist on the Healthy Hormones pages. So, then we would need to raise that it didn’t exist, or that a tool wasn’t accurate, or whatever the fuck else, and then wait to get a response about how to respond. A response we already knew, had accurate protocols for, and could even provide an answer ourselves if she wanted it so badly on the Healthy Hormones page. But nah, we had to wait for her to pump out a ChatGPT produced answer to advise because she thought we were idiots.
And what did ChatGPT produce? Things like claiming Spironolactone isn’t a diuretic or that GGP doesn’t prescribe diuretics, or that etc etc etc. We had clinical providers feeding us ChatGPT content to respond with instead of individually responding to patients about their results and concerns, taking zero responsibility for their tailored needs.
Oh, right, but Helen will point and say that all those posts were created by a licensed professional, so obviously it makes it a-okay then. Sure, let’s ignore that just because she signs off on something doesn’t make it any better when it has clearly not been reviewed properly. Not to mention the largely confusing non-sensical descriptions on posts that are inaccessible, ableist, and don't answer questions as they pertain to the service.
We know that ChatGPT is ethically harmful. We know that AI in general is going to cause ramifications in healthcare unregulated. We aired out concerns on this. We were ignored.
It was very clear that us needing to send everything and anything through to be put on some new website we weren’t even made aware of, was with the intention of likely getting rid of us. When raised, our HR team told us: “No, no, we’ll make sure everyone is redeployed, or that the low performers will be the only ones offboarded! Everything is totally fine.”
(Note: Yes, yes, never trust HR, many of us were well aware of this and did not put much stock in anything they said - which as of writing this, two of the three were fired too, so, fuck us all I guess.)
Now, there is something to be said about positives related to automation. There are ways to code forms to produce the data we need to properly advise on. There was a way for Helen to go about this entirely, that she was informed on by people with these expertise, that she ignored. There were way more logical ways of going about literally everything she did. However, the ethical aspects that pertain to patient centered care impose a level of responsibility that Healthy Hormones, GGP, and Helen proclaim to no longer take.
Any manner of gender affirming care should have the final treatment recommendation oversight of a qualified professional or multi-disciplinary team of qualified professionals that:

1. Take your full medical history into consideration, especially any new medication or changes,
2. Review your care goals and any gaps that you feel are creating barriers to achieving the results you desire,
3. Review abnormalities in test results that could be attributed by your HRT to advise,
4. Ensure you are providing informed consent to any changes that impact your ongoing care (ie. an opt-out from changes in services like automation, or sudden changes that impact how you receive your prescriptions that could create health concerns from unexpected withdrawal of hormones),
5. Provide surveys about ongoing patient experiences and addresses areas of improvement,
6. Produce records and data requests promptly to be GDPR compliant, and
7. Address formal issues you have related to concerns with the facility management or ongoing care services in a timely fashion.

The idea that all of the above would instead by handled and answered by the Healthy Hormones (cough GenderGPT cough) page deeply worried all of us.
Ofc, one day the ideal world would be largely OTC HRT (remember HRT is easier to manage than diabetes and many, many other conditions), but most people aren’t ready to have that conversation.
So, with all that in mind, back to the continued fuckery of earlier this year.
Member Enrolment which was the team that used to process new intake forms and liaise internally with clinical staff to ensure any concerns were medically assessed. Their entire team was destroyed in February, without warning.
Yes, they did struggle with the ongoing forms received. However, other teams were able to shift over advisors to be able to accommodate and if there hadn’t been so much uncertainty in everything Helen was doing from the top, that could’ve been easily rectified with a change management process. Many things were easily rectified by simply utilising the people she already had and caring that they had opinions that mattered. Other teams were also in a positive position metrics-wise to be able to send advisors over to assist with the uptick.
But instead of fixing a super easy problem, she decided to make it infinitely worse and told the Member Enrolment team, without warning, in the middle of a random work day in February that they were no longer enrolment advisors and were being “redeployed” to other teams, with no training. A team of +10 people suddenly without homes and no proper HR protocols followed to ensure this didn’t completely destroy people’s morale.
We were lied to, repeatedly.
One second, HR is telling us (and if I’m being honest, I don’t blame any of them - Helen is a fucking rollercoaster and was likely changing things every two seconds and they were just the scapegoats) there is a rollout plan for the next bunch of quarters into next year and that the only time anyone would potentially lose their jobs is at the end of every quarter and it would be based on performance.
In this same messaging, we’re finally finding out (even if it was literally already launched and being used) GGP is being separated into three entities (this was posted on Healthy Hormones too). GGP would be about a community hub space, Healthy Hormones would be about facilitating the automation of care and where people were getting information, the Health & Wellbeing Directory would be a place for a host of new session types and the opportunity for us to move over and that the great majority of us would continue to have jobs.
We were a little over 100 people at the start of 2024. Over 50% of that number was the entirety of the Healthcare Admin teams - the people who handled new enrolment, general enquiries, prescriptions, pathology, learning and development, and medicines management with partners. Everyone else was the Clinical + Wellbeing Team - so our psychologist, counsellors, doctors, wellbeing advisors (people who do the Follow Up Sessions, previous Ask Us Anything) and nurses.
The next second, we’re being told that a number of people would be imminently offboarded, a number somewhere in the double digits. We were told it could be anyone from the most recently onboarded staff, part timers, or based on poor performance. Immediately, all of our teams grew frantic about the uncertainty and (un)shockingly morale continued to plummet.
(I should also say that the internal structure of GGP was Helen > Head of Healthcare / HR > Team Managers > Team Leads, and no one from TM/TL level was being told anything or was invited way too late to meetings weeks after decisions had been apparently made that impacted the teams)
Next we’re filling out the next employee survey and trying to air our concerns about AI from a community perspective and that we feel entirely uncertain about our prospects because the messaging has been vague and it seems to be changing very quickly. We just wanted clarity, communication, and empathy so we could return to a state of functional across the teams instead of all of our mental wellbeing's tanking. We never found out the results of the survey, despite being told we would, likely because it did not make Helen look great compared to the previous one.
When the firings suddenly weren’t happening for when we thought they were, the shit show burst.
Without warning, multiple changes happened in quick succession. We came into work on a Monday and had no access to responding or sending messages in the communication tool. We had no access to new patient files or even what was going on with issued prescriptions from the new page (a new page we weren’t even told was launching). We could barely advise on the old messages that asked about all these new changes because of this. We asked, over and over, to be able to do our job and handle complaints, for this access. Helen refused and refused to properly tell us what the fuck was going on.
From January to mid March, we were dragged through a clusterfuck of uncertainty, enormous stress, and being gaslit every day. Every day we were being pummeled with unclear information, changing guidance, thinking we would be fired, etc. Then, silence.
On March 15th, 2024 - 47 of the remaining 87 staff were fired. The entire healthcare admin team that I expanded on earlier was completely fired. We had a brief chance to review the post that went on our internal HQ page, telling us it wasn’t our fault and they wished us the best for anyone who was no longer required. Then, we’re all being removed without getting to say goodbye except for HR calls if we wanted them with two people most of us barely knew. Many of us had been there for years. It didn’t matter.
Then, Helen is on a call that same morning with the clinical and wellbeing team telling them that the whole reason this is happening is because of internal errors that the entire team she just fired were doing. She didn’t even tell them how many people were fired. And (contrary to the HQ post) stated that this needed to happen because of it and that automation would prevent errors. That her random group of data analysts (roles she never positioned to team members she already had) that were the HR Talent Lead’s family members in the Phillipines were replacements for us when she hadn’t even trained them properly to do prescription lines. That this was all for the greater good.
Helen is sitting there telling everyone to get on board and be positive in everything they do and say, or go. It's not about honesty or transparency, it's about who is desperate enough to stay for a paycheque because they have no alternatives. The majority of us have not been able to find work.
Nevermind that all of the protocols that existed internally were approved and maintained by her. That she is the one responsible and signed off on any issues that existed for all the tools we had internally that told us what prescriptions to issue, what to look for on blood test results, how to advise, etc. Nevermind that all we did was follow her instruction. No one was going lone wolf. Mistakes were outliers, not the norm. They happen with any company. There was a means to improve what her concerns may be, without decimating the company and ongoing care. Instead, she made us all look like the problem because a mirror is too hard to find.
I don’t know what I want from this post. I adored the job I did as much as I hated it from a capitalistic part of wishing public healthcare was good enough we didn’t need this at all. I gave my all to my job. It made me feel fulfilled. I have been heartbroken for months about all of this. I have had my mental wellbeing deteriorate to a point of resurgence of conditions I haven’t had in decades.
I wasn’t ignorant to who Helen was, I knew that there was a certain greed that Helen exudes in everything she does. She has multiple family members and their friends employed with the company that weren't amongst the ones fired, it’s not hard to deduce that money is the main factor for why GGP is the way it is now. I just thought that at some level, she did care about us based on everything she puts out publicly.
I just wish the community understood they deserve better instead of letting Helen get away with this. I also wish if we were going to media about this, it wasn’t the Times or whoever else that has a very clear agenda on how to paint our community’s needs.
Stop giving all the power to cis people who don’t care about you. Helen cares about money. She is a performative ally at best but a viper behind closed doors. She is a licensed doctor, with an investor on her shoulder telling her he’ll make her millions so she can continue to be the scummy landlord, multi-villa-having cretin that she is.
She doesn’t care about the opinions of her staff because she considers herself superior. She will not accept opinions that oppose hers and will bully, undermine, or ostracise you for speaking up. She treated all of the healthcare advisors like we didn’t know fuck all and only ever considered the doctor who agreed with her as anyone worth having an opinion. Her ego has gotten to such a point she truly thinks she’s our community’s saviour. Stop allowing her to have this complex.
She knows damn well how to ensure patient safety is maintained and how to implement healthcare projects properly, she just doesn’t care. She wants guaranteed money, fast, regardless of the consequential outcome.
She was fully informed about every single issue that is happening now. She was told how this should have been refined before large scale launching. She already had staff that were all experts about what she is doing now that could’ve helped make this successful. She was told by many people, many people who even left before this year, that this was not the way to go. She treats our healthcare like she owns a candy shop, from the way shit’s phrased on the website, to the infantilising way she looks at complaints or our community in general.
She deserves to be held accountable without destroying private care at the same time.
Continuing to let her hold all the cards, is deteriorating the validity of private healthcare in the UK/EU. Policy makers will continue to hold her as an example set that private healthcare is dangerous, rather than turning a light on the fact that public healthcare is the thing that is killing our community.
She doesn’t deserve your respect, she doesn’t deserve your money, help the other companies thrive if you have the money to spend on them, but stop enabling Helen at every turn.

How the heck do you respond to that phrase? Hoping someone here might know. I keep having meetings at work with people where I see them like once a week and inevitably they say that to me at some point. It throws me for a loop and all I can do is stammer out "yeah" or "it's been great" and those...don't seem appropriate?
For reference what I would like to say is "I've had a great time talking to you too" but this is part of their "goodbye" sequence and there's never enough time to reply. They give a pause after it that is I swear less than a second long but seem disappointed I don't grab onto that half a second to churn out a coherent sentence. But if I say anything longer suddenly I'm talking over them and overcome with shame. They do genuinely mean this nicely so I feel bad I can't figure out how to reply.

(continuation of part 4)
I already considered this piece the second greatest musical evidence for Clerith after the London Symphony Orchestra’s Final Fantasy VII Symphony’s second movement “Words Drowned by Fireworks” and its guide, but now that I know about the Clerith reunion that was baked into the ending, the gap between the two is narrower. Each time I hear Cloud begin to call out for Aerith in part 3 (3:04), I immediately start crying. It sounds so much to me like Cloud’s voice in the dark saying “Aerith…?”, meek and scared. If you’ve read everything so far, you know how long Cloud has been looking for Aerith, lost without her, searching relentlessly for decades in real-life time. Through FFT, DFF, Advent Children, MFF x FFVII… all of it spent looking for his Promised Land. In OG, Cloud was so tormented by Jenova’s manipulation and so consumed by the chase for Sephiroth that he could not realize what or how much he felt for her until she was taken away forever. The piece we’ve just analyzed tells the story of Cloud and Aerith intertwining and separating against their will, and you can truly feel Cloud’s anxiety as he struggles to wrench Aerith out of fate’s cruel grasp. Perhaps it is because of Aerith’s ultimately fatal responsibility, inherited from her mother, that this iteration of her theme is called “The Cetra”.
Though in part 5, Cloud and Aerith reunite… could this reunion symbolize their meeting again in Remake, or something more permanent? I think it’s meant to leave us wondering.
I’m very sensitive to music, and as I’m typing this, I’m crying a bit. I wanted to share my interpretation of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” with you very badly, because it makes me feel so much and really enhances Clerith’s story. I’m overjoyed to have found out about the reunion at the very end. And it’s all because you guys showed love for my last analysis! You guys are giving me gifts every day.
V. b) i. 3) Combined Analysis
Please listen to and watch the scene of Cloud’s MOTF 6 (4:21-8:46) again, and consider section “V. b) i. 2)”. What is Uematsu telling us? Similarly to how main world theme of FFVII informs us that Jenova is sabotaging Cloud’s identity far before it becomes a plot point in OG, “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” is telling us what not even Remake Cloud consciously knows at this point: he’s been searching desperately for her, and fears losing her once more.
As if that wasn’t proof enough, the timing of the shots and musical phrases is absolutely damning. Recall that part 3 of “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” specifically symbolizes Cloud’s anxiety surrounding Aerith’s safety. It is this particular part of the piece that plays for the entirety of Aerith’s allusions to her murderers and her death (7:25-7:54), including the very moment where “Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (7:51-7:54). What’s more, part 5 the piece, which specifically Cloud freeing Aerith from the restraints of fate, coincides with the moment Tifa grabs Aerith’s hand and pulls her out from the circle of Whispers closing in on her (8:42-8:45). This moment leads me to believe that the reunion in part 5 of the piece indeed symbolizes Cloud succeeding (perhaps with Tifa’s help) in saving Aerith from her tragic fate and reuniting with her for good.
It’s heart-wrenching and brilliant. Our theory stands strong.
V. b) ii. Credits: Piece Inclusion
I find it very telling that the character themes included in the credits of Remake are Cloud’s “Hollow” (0:00-5:24), an orchestral arrangement of Aerith’s theme (5:24-9:24), and an orchestral arrangement of the main world theme, (9:24-14:27) which of course includes Cloud’s true theme. No other character themes appear during the rest of the credits (14:27-18:09). This is telling: the credits are communicating to us that Remake is about Cloud and Aerith. Our Mission Theory only gets stronger.
V. b) iii. Showing Relationships Through Music: Intermingling Character Themes
This doesn’t have to do with the Mission, but here’s a pretty good anti-Cloti argument while we’re here.
As shown in section “V. a) i.” where we explored the roles of Cloud, Jenova and Sephiroth’s themes within the FFVII world theme, the way character themes interact in a piece can tell you a lot about those characters’ relationships. This is certainly the case in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” as well (see section “V. b. ii. 2)”).
I’d like to mention that in all of my listening to the Remake OST and rewatching playthroughs of Remake, I’ve never encountered a single piece that united Cloud and Tifa’s themes. Not once. Let alone a piece that depicts them as intimately or emotionally as “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” depicts Cloud and Aerith. Even the most Cloti cutscenes in Remake aren’t supported by pieces mixing or even juxtaposing Cloud and Tifa’s themes. I can’t find any of Cloud’s motifs anywhere during the orchestral arrangement of Tifa’s theme that plays during her resolution scene in chapter 14. I can’t find either of their motifs in the track the plays when Cloud calls Tifa beautiful at Seventh Heaven in chapter 3. A motif from Tifa’s theme does appear in the track that plays during the childhood promise scene in chapter 4, (0:00-0:25), but it never plays at the same time as or even near Cloud’s motifs (1:23-1:47 and 2:03-2:29). They’re distant or otherwise unaffiliated.
The only exception is that an altered version of Cloud’s theme’s section A phrase 1 appears in the background of Tifa’s theme (1:17-1:23). This symbolizes her connection to Cloud and how much of her attention and worry revolve around him— a reference to how she cares so much that it borders on dependency. Of course, it doesn’t go both ways: Tifa isn’t in Cloud’s theme at all. To me, this lack of reciprocity concerning the inclusion of Cloud’s motif in Tifa’s theme signifies that the only time Cloud and Tifa are together is in her head. She does think about him a lot, which we witness in her chapter of Trace of Two Pasts. Tifa loses sleep over him even two years after he left Nibelheim, despite the fact that she barely knew him at all:

“The moment she heard the word “Soldier”, the few memories she had with Cloud Strife came flooding back. He never contacted her after they parted ways two years ago […]. She tossed and turned all night. When she counted them again, her memories with Cloud were so surprisingly few that others might find it hard to believe that they grew up as next-door neighbors” (Trace of Two Pasts, translated by pekotranslates on Tumblr).

FFVII Remake Ultimania also comments on the superficial nature of Cloud and Tifa’s water tower promise, and how regardless of its naïveté, it became fundamental to Tifa:

“Though rooted in a jejune heroine fantasy of being rescued in a pinch by her hero, this promise is clearly etched in Tifa’s memory” (Tifa’s profile in section 01 of “Character & World”, “An Enduring Childhood Promise” in “Topics of Tifa” page 20).

You could argue that “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is only one song wherein Cloud and Aerith’s themes interweave, but you’d be proven wrong by the Rebirth OST…
V. c) The Rebirth OST
Unfortunately, the full Rebirth OST isn’t out and available where I can listen to it right now. However, based solely on the incomplete OST that’s available to me right now, I can tell you with certainty that the composers were told to incorporate Clerith into the musical storytelling: Cloud and Aerith’s themes intermingle in multiple pieces. I can’t imagine what else I’ll discover once I listen to the full OST. For now, I checked out what was available on YouTube and listened to cutscene audios. This section would be eternal if I included every time Cloud and Aerith’s motifs interact, especially in chapter 14. Trust me, I’d love to talk about every single one, but this thing is long enough already, so let’s just address what pertains to our Mission Theory specifically rather than stopping at every single Clerith reference in the OST.
V. c) i. Ending Cutscene Music
Ending cutscenes are often used to address the next step the characters will be taking as well as their emotional and mental state. They also open up new questions to make the player curious. Indeed, Rebirth’s ending cutscene (18:56-25:00) gives us an impression of how the party members feel by the end of the game: everyone misses Aerith. Barret looks upset and confused at the mention of her (19:35-19:45), the girls are crying and Nanaki is mourning (19:58-20:35). Additionally, we are shown the empty White Materia and Black Materia in Cloud’s possession (20:40-21:24), foreshadowing that they will come to be important in part 3. Cloud and Aerith share a warm goodbye, and exchange promises: Aerith will send smoke signals if something happens to her so a worried Cloud can remain updated on her well-being and she will stop Meteor, and Cloud will stop Sephiroth (23:00-25:00). The fact that this scene is animated in CGI is enough to tell us that the devs consider it narratively important, just like they do Bugenhagen’s observatory and the party’s advance into the Forgotten Capital CGI cutscenes. What did the composers decide to communicate with us about the end of Rebirth and the plot going forward?
Big surprise: Clerith.
During the entire cutscene, only two themes play: Cloud’s and Aerith’s. The cutscene’s music begins only when Cloud notices Aerith among the party members and begins watching her (19:21). She interacts with the rest of the party without their knowledge, different segments of her theme playing one after another. Her theme only stops when Cloud finally looks away from her and to the empty White Materia in his hand (20:45). The music focuses on the mystery and ominousness of these materia, only returning to Aerith once Cloud hears her voice and repeats her message to the party (21:30).
Cloud’s theme appears when he asserts that Barret needn’t worry about him (section A of Cloud’s true theme, 22:41), though soft and tentative, only swelling when Barret and Tifa climb aboard the Tiny Bronco and Cloud finds himself alone with Aerith again (22:57). As he asks Aerith if “[she’ll] be okay getting back” (23:08), the final phrase of section A of his theme plays, but without its concluding note, the tonic. He waits for her to answer him as his theme waits for hers to complete and answer it, that final note dragging long over the seconds (23:09-23:13). She answers with a teasing remark that references their unwillingness to part from each other back in Remake’s Evergreen Park:

“[Cloud has] a chat with Aerith, from whom he’s reluctant to part” (chapter 9 in section 04 “Scenario”, “Main Story Digest”, “4. Saying Goodbye”, page 275)”.

As soon as Aerith answers Cloud’s question with this romantic callback, her theme answers his too: section C of Aerith’s theme begins with the key’s tonic, resolving Cloud’s incomplete phrase (23:13): she gives him resolution. He chuckles, getting her reference, and the music swells (23:16). The music ebbs and flows thusly, following the rhythms and underlying emotions of their conversation. Finally, the piece ends with phrase 2 of of section A of Cloud’s true theme, following a strong repetition of the first half of Aerith’s theme’s section A. The two make their promises to each other, and “No Promises to Keep” begins, leading us to the credits. This is most definitely a Clerith song, but more on that later.
What this shows us is that Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is fundamental to the plot of Rebirth and will also be fundamental to the plot of part 3: they are isolated one one-on-one in this cutscene, and the music depicts their warm, sweet interaction as well as the strength of Aerith’s character to contrast with Cloud’s somewhat meek personality. The composers are telling us that these two, specifically, together alone, are hugely important to the plot here. This was already true in OG, but no such emphasis was ever placed on their interactions and relationship in its music. Something is different, deeper, more intense now. The Mission Theory explains why. It also suits our theory that the composers are emphasizing the centrality of Clerith in the plot of the Remake trilogy. Cloud’s love for Aerith is the reason for the trilogy’s existence, and it will be the greatest motivator for Cloud in part 3. It’s a grand announcement.
Just like in Remake, I could not find a single instance of Cloud and Tifa’s themes interacting in Rebirth, apart from at the end of the intimate Skywheel date— but every girl receives this treatment in their intimate dates, so each of these instances can be crossed out. Additionally, the Tifa date is not the canon one, but I digress…
V. c) iii. Credits

1. Piece Inclusion

Once more, I find it very telling that of all the pieces included in the credits of Rebirth, the only character themes are Cloud’s and Aerith’s. We start with a song about Aerith’s point of view to mirror *Remake’*s “Hollow”, “No Promises to Keep” (5:18-11:10), followed by the FFVII world theme (11:10-16:12) which of course contains Cloud’s true theme, then we move into a piece whose unofficially translated title is “Parade Battle Ceremony - The Dawn of a New World” as an arrangement of the parade ceremony theme from chapter 4 (16:12-19:03), followed by a theme for the Lifestream springs whose name I don’t have (19:03-21:38), “Junon - Fortified Metropolis” (21:38-24:28), and finally, a gorgeous arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47). No other character is referenced in the credits music: the credits are telling us Rebirth is about Clerith. Our Mission Theory explains why.
V. c) iii. 2) “No Promises to Keep”
At the very end of this song written and performed by Aerith, we’re treated with a sweet little piano conclusion (10:46-11:10): it begins with a variation on Aerith’s theme’s section A (10:46-11:01), and concludes with two ascending arpeggios, each four notes long (11:01-11:10). Each of these ascending arpeggios is a variation of the phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A. The differences are minimal. The phrase is usually five notes long rather than four, the first arpeggio ends on the tonic rather than Cloud’s iconic subtonic, and the second arpeggio starts on the subtonic rather than the tonic. The song Aerith wrote concludes with Cloud’s most famous motif. This is also the case in her Gold Saucer performance (3:31-3:41).
V. c) iii. 3) Arrangement of Aerith’s Theme
The final piece in the credits is an arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47) which has noticeably similar elements to the version of her theme that plays during the Jenova Lifeclinger battle in chapter 14 (0:12-3:36), such as the female choirs. Since these female choirs are only heard in the Forgotten City version of Aerith’s theme, and since the credits arrangement of her theme plays at the same time as clips from her chapter 14 pseudo-death roll across the screen, I estimate that this credits arrangement specifically reflects the event of Aerith’s pseudo-death. Recall that composers had access to the credits video as they composed, meaning this piece is specifically written for Aerith’s pseudo-death in Rebirth.
What I find fascinating is that, just like the arrangements of her theme that play during Aerith’s pseudo-death and the Jenova Lifeclinger battle, this credits arrangement contains the sound of Cloud’s pain, rage and protest. Phrase 1 and the first three notes of phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme section A play on the strings and brass quite loudly and insistently, just as Cloud blocking masamune appears on the credits screen (25:11-25:21). Sephiroth’s dissonant, high and screechy violins appear just as his face comes onto the screen (26:33), and almost as a protective response, phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A return (26:47-27:00). Finally, similarly to what we hear in part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, a slightly modified section A phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme play along with section C phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme (oh wow section A and C section Aerith for Cloud’s theme and section Cloud for Aerith’s theme I just realized that’s such a cute coincidence), though unfortunately they do not meet in the middle like last time since they start two octaves apart (28:20-28:25). I’ve recreated it for you once more here so you can really appreciate it. The fact that their motifs don’t truly reunite like in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is sad, but the very last thing you see onscreen is Aerith’s goodbye to the Tiny Bronco (27:10-27:42), so it makes sense that this piano conclusion implies that Cloud and Aerith aligned, but not yet reunited for good. That’s exactly what you get from the ending cutscene. It does seem to imply that they will be reunited in part 3, as both the ending cutscene and this piano conclusion read as a “till we see each other again” rather than a “farewell”.

VI. Textual Evidence

Now that the musical evidence is done, let’s compile some textual story evidence that supports our theory!
VI. a) Remake Trilogy (Thus Far) Handholding Explained?
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, handholding is a motif in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship— and an extremely symbolic one at that! When researching for info to validate my theory, I found that this Clerith motif was extremely helpful! Its inclusion in the Remake trilogy, and especially in Rebirth, is hugely significant in my eyes.
VI. a) i. Pre-Remake Trilogy: Aerith’s Initiative
Before examining the significance of Clerith handholding in Remake and Rebirth, we should establish the meaning of this motif in OG and Advent Children.
Cloud and Aerith have reached out to take each other’s hands many times since 1997. Aerith used to literally drag him by the hand a lot, shocking the cold and distant merc, before she left. After her death in OG, Cloud surely longed to be able to feel her hand take his again, cursing himself for not enjoying it while she was alive, and for never being the one to grasp her hand first: he never got to tell her how he feels about her, or to save her. It was always her reaching out for him, saving him.
This is why the scene in OG when Aerith reaches for him from the Lifestream after Cloud defeats Sephiroth in chapter 3 of disk 3 is so touching: Cloud sees her hand and reaches out to take it, so close to finally establishing that mutual connection, but she soon fades, and replaced by Tifa’s hand in the tangible world. He doesn’t get to hold Aerith’s hand again.
That is, not until Advent Children, where near the end of his battle with Bahamut Sin, he sees Aerith reach out to him once again (1:08-1:30). Cloud finally gets to hold her hand for the first time in two years when he lost her. This moment was given extra importance by the devs. In fact, Nojima told us the following:

“The ending scene of the battle with Bahamut, the scene where Aerith reaches out her hand, is an homage to the last scene from a previous production. It was [Nomura]'s idea” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Story Digest”, “Summoned Beast”, page 113).

VI. a) ii. The Remake Trilogy (Thus Far): Cloud’s Initiative
As I’ve said before, if I’m right that Remake is all about Cloud stepping up to be more attentive and active in his relationship with Aerith in order to save her, there should be concrete evidence of this in the Remaketrilogy thus far. If OG Cloud’s memories of and love for Aerith exist somewhere within Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness, then Remake Cloud should be far more active in the Clerith dynamic than OG Cloud was— after all, he’s supposed to know better this time around. Thankfully, the motif of handholding can help us evaluate this. Since we know pre-Remake Cloud was quite passive when it comes to handholding, Cloud initiating handholding in the Remake trilogy would be a strong indication that our theory has validity. Keeping this in mind, let’s see what we can find thus far in the Remake trilogy in relation to handholding, and if Cloud is indeed more active than he was in OG.
VI. a) ii. 1) Hollow Hands
Remake’s theme song “Hollow” makes allusions to the handholding motif: “This time, I will never let you go” is pretty clear. And so is “No Promises to Keep”, wherein Aerith speaks of Cloud “[taking her] hand and never [letting her] go” multiple times. Interestingly, these theme song lyrics seem to suggest that Cloud will be much more active in the Remake trilogy than in OG. “Hollow” even promises that Cloud will come to his senses and take charge of the situation: “this time, [he] will” be the one to offer his hand to Aerith, unlike in OG and Advent Children. This makes a lot of sense with our theory: now that Cloud has lost Aerith once, “this time for sure, [he]’ll” be the one to reach for Aerith’s hand, take initiative and save her the way she saved him.
Even though theme songs are extremely telling of a game’s main themes and intentions, lyrics are still all talk and no proof. What about the game itself? Do Remake and Rebirth deliver on this promise? Let’s see!
VI. a) ii. 2) Resolution Hands
The only significant time Cloud initiates handholding in Remake is during Cloud’s resolution scene in chapter 14 (5:18-5:40), wherein he tries to grab Aerith’s hand but is unable to keep her with him. He fills with determination and tells her in no uncertain terms that he’s coming for her. Just as we predicted, Cloud is the active participant in this iteration of the Clerith handholding motif: he’s even explicitly insisting against Aerith’s wishes that he should “get a say in all this” and that he’s “coming for [her]”. Let’s not forget that Cloud’s resolution is meant to reflect not only Aerith’s kidnapping by Shinra, but also her fated death. Nojima implied this by commenting the following on Aerith’s “Even if you think you have, it’s not real” line:

“Those who know what befalls Aerith later on will find the line really heart-wrenching” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Given this note by Nojima, it looks like we’re supposed to watch Cloud’s resolution scene with Aerith’s fated death in mind. Considering this, Cloud’s “I’m coming for you” line sure seems like an subconscious promise that he will save Aerith from her tragic fate. This subconscious promise could be the result of post-OG Cloud’s feelings and intentions rising to the surface. Nevertheless, he’s absolutely determined and he’s staying true to the promise he made in “Hollow”. I think it’s fair to say that this instance of the handholding Clerith motif does indeed fit perfectly with our theory. This is only one strong example though, and we need a pattern in order to pat ourselves on the back on this. So, let’s keep looking! There isn’t any handholding initiated by Cloud beyond that point in Remake. At this point in my research, I moved on to Rebirth to go digging for handholding there.
Hoo boy. I was not disappointed.
VI. a) ii. 3) Golden Hands
Let’s begin with the obvious. In their high-affinity gondola date in chapter 12, Cloud bravely interlaces his fingers with Aerith’s: Cloud’s taken charge not only of handholding, but the most intimate kind of handholding. I’m sure you’ve encountered the phrase “こいびとつなぎ” or “koibito tsunagi by now (literally translates to “lovers’ tie” or “lovers’ connection”); this is the term used in Japanese to refer to the type of handholding Cloud initiates with Aerith on the Skywheel. It’s considered the most intimate form of handholding. In Japan, skinship is normally considered quite significant and indicative of the closeness between two people— you could say it’s a big deal. Cloud also offers Aerith his hand when they step off the Shywheel, once more making the first move. Though some might say that the Skywheel dates shouldn’t be counted as canon, I believe Aerith’s date is indeed canon (I have my reasons but this post is long enough). Even if we discount the Skywheel date however, Clerith's use of the koibito tsunagi returns in a non-optional scene we will touch on later.
For what it’s worth, Alfreid offers Rosa his hand in the Loveless play too. I can prove that Aerith is the canon Rosa too, but I’m going to save that for my next analysis! You can take my word for it now, or just wait for that analysis to drop. Take it or leave it!
VI. a) ii. 4) Meta Hands
However, the narrative weight of these Clerith handholding instances doesn’t even come close to my very favorite iteration of the handholding motif in Rebirth. I’m referring to what I consider a severely underrated Clerith moment in chapter 13. First, some context: Sephiroth manipulates Cloud into giving over the Black Materia. Cloud seems to be firmly under Sephiroth’s control. However, the sight of Aerith being swarmed by Black Whispers snaps Cloud back into the driver’s seat: he breaks out of Sephiroth’s grasp to run to her and save her. Aerith gets knocked off into a fatal free-fall by a Black Whisper before Cloud can reach her, but he won’t have it: he lunges forward, hand extended. What results is a beautiful shot of their outstretched hands (56:25-56:27).
Let’s analyze this great shot. Notice how the seconds where Cloud is reaching downwards to grasp Aerith’s hand are treated. This key moment is stretched longer by a slow-mo effect, building up the tension and drawing the audience’s focus to the distance between their hands before Cloud actually catches Aerith’s in his, fulfilling the promise he made in “Hollow”. Their hands take up the whole screen in a deliberate close-up shot. All the ambient noises of the scene go quiet: Aerith’s theme is all we hear as Cloud reaches desperately for her. These are blatant audiovisual cues, signalling to the audience that whatever is happening on screen is especially significant. We should therefore examine this specific instance of the Clerith handholding motif to see what the devs are trying to tell us, and maybe it will fit with our theory!
We should begin by comparing this Clerith hand-reach shot to previous ones. If you compare it to the Advent Children’s hand-reach that occurs during Cloud’s battle against Bahamut Sin, it’s evident that Cloud and Aerith’s roles are reversed: just as our theory states, Cloud gets out from inside his head and reaches for Aerith this time. She saved him and the world in OG, and now it’s his turn to save her. This change becomes especially evident when you juxtapose the two scenes and notice how their hands have switched places, reaching from above and below, from left and right. I think the Rebirth hand-reach was deliberately made to look like the Advent Children one —and even the OG one in disk 3, chapter 3—, just to highlight this role reversal.
This Rebirth hand-reach is my favorite out of all because it shows that Cloud is much more conscious and attentive toward Aerith in Rebirth than he was in OG. At this point in OG (disk 1, chapter 25), Cloud is meant to be beating Aerith up at Sephiroth’s command, to the horror of the rest of the party. In fact, a few minutes before Cloud rushes to save Aerith in Rebirth, he has absolutely no problem violently shoving Tifa to the ground when she gets in Sephiroth’s way (53:27-53:33). This shove and Cloud’s earlier attack on Tifa in Gongaga (Rebirth, chapter 9) proves that Sephiroth is just as capable of making Cloud hurt his party members as he was in OG… though Sephiroth can’t seem to make Cloud hurt Aerith. Why is this? Why is it that Cloud beats Aerith in OG, but doesn’t even lay a finger on her —and snaps out of Sephiroth’s control at the mere sight of her in trouble— in Rebirth?
Our theory provides the answer. In disk 1, chapter 25 of OG, Cloud had not yet realized he loved Aerith. Sephiroth was therefore able to make him hurt her. But things are different in Rebirth. The Cloud we see in the Remake trilogy has gone through the OG timeline and traveled back in time, kicking off Remake as his second try at the OG timeline— and he did this precisely because he loves Aerith. His love for her is clearer and stronger in the Remake trilogy than in OG because Remake Cloud is an amnesiac, post-OG, time-traveler Cloud. He’s been through the OG before, has fallen in love with Aerith and realized it before, so this time around, he can’t even lay a finger on her. This is made evident by how closely the moments where Cloud pushes Tifa and saves Aerith are juxtaposed, separated by mere seconds of gameplay. Merely seeing Aerith in trouble wrenched control from Sephiroth and put it in Cloud’s hands again— Sephiroth probably couldn’t have gotten Cloud to attack Aerith if he tried.
This isn’t the only time we get evidence of this though! As Cloud approaches Aerith’s praying form in the Forgotten City, Sephiroth’s Black Whispers swirl around the buster sword: Sephiroth is trying to kill Aerith with it, while Cloud’s struggle to wrench it away plays out visibly on his face. Interestingly, Cloud is not being controlled by Sephiroth here. We know this because we can quite literally see the Black Whispers trying to move his sword, but also because every time Cloud is being controlled by Sephiroth in Rebirth, he has an empty-eyed, zombie-Cloud look on his face. Either that or he laughs or smiles somewhat maniacally. There is never any resistance on his part. To see an example, simply pay attention to Cloud’s blank face as he attacks Tifa in Gongaga in chapter 9 (19:20-20:30). You’ll see the very same expression on his face if you watch this video of Cloud following Sephiroth’s orders in chapter 13 (53:36-54:15). Additionally, look at how strangely Cloud smiles (41:01) as he grasps the Black Materia. Cloud makes none of these faces as the Black Whispers try to take control of his sword: quite the opposite. Cloud looks like he’s trying his hardest to pull his weapon back down and away from Aerith, a horrified look on his face as he grunts from the effort. Once more, Sephiroth is unable to make Cloud hurt Aerith.
Back to my favorite handholding moment. Think about this devs intention for this shot for a minute. The devs have been teasing us as to whether or not Cloud will succeed in saving Aerith in the Remake trilogy since it was first announced, and this slow-mo shot of Cloud catching Aerith’s hand as she falls to her death is a reflection of this tension. The audience holds their breath during those slow-moed seconds, all that hope and fear hanging in the balance. This instance of the handholding motif is a meta way for the devs to reassure us that Cloud will indeed save Aerith. I firmly believe this.
VI. a) ii. 5) Self-Sacrificing Hands
Alright, alright, enough about my favorite! Let’s move to chapter 14 of Rebirth! There’s evidently a lot going on with Clerith in this chapter. Let’s address the Sector 5 date. The handholding is first initiated by Aerith as she tugs him toward the candy vendor and Cloud reacts with a quiet gasp (4:07-4:17). Soon, it becomes a reciprocal embrace: Cloud holds his hand out for Aerith’s and tightens his fingers around hers, smiling at her before they head to the photographer (7:07-7:17).
Then of course, when Aerith pushes Cloud into a portal in her church, you can see Cloud reach his hand up toward her desperately as he falls (17:38-17:58). What I find particularly emotional about this moment is that Aerith pushing Cloud away from her is kind of the opposite of reaching for his hand: it symbolizes Aerith accepting her fate and giving up on a life where she can be with him. This Aerith seems to be a post-OG Aerith who exists separately from the main world we experience in Rebirth, meaning she knows all too well that her fate is to die. In fact, it looks like she is the very same or a similar Aerith to the one who appeared to Cloud in his resolution scene in Remake. By literally pushing Cloud away, just like she figuratively did in Cloud’s resolution scene, she is sacrificing both herself and the happiness she could share with Cloud. She’s going against her heart’s wishes, just like she did in Cloud’s resolution scene when she would not let Cloud take her hand. Indeed, post-OG Aerith seems to be resigned to her fated death and completely devoid of hope: she only wants to ensure the planet’s survival, because she thinks she knows there is no way she can or should be with Cloud. In contrast, Cloud reaches his hand out toward Aerith as he falls into the portal, and even though he does not know that her push symbolizes her self-sacrifice, his outstretched hand represents his protest. So far, our theory is fitting beautifully.
VI. a) ii. 6) Grieving Hands
Later in chapter 14 of Rebirth, after Aerith’s death/non-death, there is more handholding. As Cloud cradles Aerith’s body close to him at the Forgotten Capital, Aerith places her hand on his cheek. Cloud covers it with his, curling his fingers around it (1:03:33-1:03:53). Before he leaves her lying down on her back to go fight Sephiroth, he squeezes her hand as he tells her “I got this”— or, per the Japanese version, “Wait for me”, meaning he’ll reunite with her once he’s done (1:04:56-1:05:10).
VI. a) ii. 7) Hero-Heroine Hands
Next, the koibito tsunagi returns as Cloud and Aerith interlace fingers back to back in a classic hero-heroine pose, right after their two-versus-one fight against Sephiroth. This time, they both reach for each other simultaneously (7:42-8:18), without even having to look down at their hands or talk to each other, as though perfectly in sync. As you can see, Aerith and Cloud are now on the same page. This is different from post-OG Aerith’s attitude in the Sector 5 church earlier in chapter 14, as well as in Cloud’s resolution scene in Remake— my interpretation of this mutual koibito tsunagi is that both of them are agreeing to hold onto each other now, with neither of them pulling back or being inattentive of the other: their priorities are now the same. It seems now they are aligned, and hopefully this means that Aerith will be working together with Cloud so they can reunite again in part 3. Even if she doesn’t prioritize her life and happiness though, we know for sure Cloud will.
VI. b) Blocking Masamune Explained?
Another piece of evidence that Cloud has been through the events of OG before is the fact that he is able to block masamune. Cloud looks up and sees Sephiroth descending with his blade poised to kill Aerith. Screaming, Cloud instantly rips the buster sword from the Black Whispers’ hold and successfully blocks masamune. Hatred and determination fill his eyes as he rallies his strength and successfully pushes Sephiroth away, saving Aerith’s life (6:00-7:26)— at least, in one reality.
Obviously, something about Cloud is different in Rebirth from in OG, otherwise, the events of Rebirth’s chapter 14 would be the same as the events of OG’s disk 1 chapter 28. In my opinion, what happened here is that upon seeing Sephiroth swoop down with masamune, Cloud remembered Aerith’s death in OG, and the post-OG Cloud’s determination to stop it came surging up from within him. This is frankly the very best proof there is that Cloud is far more ready, stable, determined, and clear-headed about Aerith in the Remake trilogy than in OG. Our theory explains why! In fact, this very moment is what our entire theory banks on: Cloud saves Aerith in one reality, as is shown by the rainbow effect produced by the event, and just like that, the promise made in “Hollow” has been fulfilled! However, now we face the question of how to make sure that Aerith is alive and by Cloud’s side when the multiverse converges again into one protected timeline. I’m sure it will be done; we will see how in part 3.
VI. c) Theme Song Lyrics
What the theme songs’ texts have to say about the trilogy so far is quite important, as they summarize the feelings of the characters they represent: Cloud and Aerith. We can glean a lot from their perspectives that could help support the Mission Theory.
VI. d) i. “Hollow” Lyrics
“Hollow”, Remake’s theme song, was written about Cloud’s feelings and rumination. Nojima confirmed that, when he was given directives for the lyric-writing, “Nomura just gave [Nojima] the keywords: ‘told from Cloud's point of view’ and ‘standing in the rain’. [Nojima] interpreted that as ‘a ballad for a man who lost something/someone important’” (Nojima and Uematsu interview “‘I wanted to put the word ‘empty’ in the theme song of Remake. That was how it started’ - Music-Related Interview Part 6: Kazunari Nojima”, by Famitsu). Our theory is about Cloud’s motivations and mission to save Aerith, so “Hollow” is especially relevant.
Let’s run through the lyrics and analyze, starting with the song’s first verse:

“I would be lost, drifting along
Floating up high, time after time
And there you'd be, shining brightly
Your smiling face to guide my way
Bloody and bruised, brought to my knees
When beaten down, when broken up
You would appear, reach out to me
Heal every wound and make me whole”

Makes sense with our theory in mind, doesn’t it? This is post-OG Cloud remembering Aerith and what she means to him. “Hollow” seems to be told from the perspective of the post-OG Cloud hidden somewhere in Remake Cloud: a suppressed or eroded part of him that remembers Aerith clearly. Or maybe it’s told by Cloud after the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and before the start of Remake, asserting his mission to save Aerith.
Next, here are the pre-choruses:

“Was it all, a dream? Will I never know?
Foolish and blind to everything
Had I realized, had I thought it through
Would you be here in my embrace?”

&

“With your every smile, hiding something more
Dark mysteries lurking beneath
But I was consumed with this emptiness
This selfishness, this void to fill”

(continued in

Im having this issue with ~3 different people in my life, so I think it's a me issue, but people keep starting long conversations with me, where I actively try to leave the conversation, and they don't seem to notice. As in; I will be leaving the room, I'm at the doorway, I've said goodbye like three times, and they just keep talking. Please, how do I end conversations? There must be some script I've missed out on, a phrase I haven't learned that will let me leave?

TLDR: Narcissistic mother-in-law is going no-contact until she can apologize for ruining mother's day and learn some fucking empathy to her first-time-mom daughter.
Ok daddit, thought I'd share my ongoing story with you all because we all love a good drama bomb.
Context: me & wife = late 30s, married 2 years (together 6) with a 10 month old baby (first child to both families). MIL (mother in law) = late 60s, divorced twice
~a month before Mother's Day~ My wife and I had been renovating the house. Nothing major, but we hired some contractors to extend the length of the living room by removing some walls and making the space bigger. The wife's and Is intentions are to get new furniture for the space and we already have a layout in mind.
Here comes the MIL, who IMMEDAITELY makes opinions on how the space should be decorated AND that we should hire an interior decorator to redesign the space (note, it's just a living room and not THAT big). Would also like to note, she didn't pay for our house and she certainly didn't pay for our renovations.
~the day before mother's day~ Wife and I purchased a couch and have picked out the decor of the living room via our own research, requirements, and the in-store interior designer consultant.
~Mother's Day~ Baby has a 101 fever, but is acting pretty normal all things considered. MIL and extended family are invited over for dinner and exchanging gifts. I shared our couch purchase with one of the family members and MIL IMMEDIATELY makes snide comments such as "the couch is ugly" and "I can't believe you bought that couch". Mind you, she's the one who suggested we get an interior designer, and per the store's consultant the style and color perfectly match what we're looking to do in the room. Wife begins crying and hides herself away from the family because of how her mother made her feel.
At this point, the kiddo is stable so I sit at the table and eat some dinner without the wife (she's in the other room crying). Some small talk among the family. Eventually the baby gets hungry so I move to the living room to feed her (more comfortable than sitting at the dining room table).
No sooner than ~10 minutes later the family begins coming over to tell me goodbye and that they're leaving after being over no more than an hour. Hyper confused, I learned that the MIL was upset that her daughter (my wife) RUINED HER mother's day by being upset at her disrespect and told the family to go home, which they did (probably to avoid drama). Now, I don't know what this "disrespect" was, but I can guarantee it was probably some misplaced motion in her head that we didn't behave the way she was expecting us to and got mad (imagine being rude to your daughter and pretending to be upset she got sad). That night, the MIL ends up texting my wife a storm about how ugly the couch is, how she can't believe we spent renovating the room, and every vitriol under the sun about our decisions over the last month. Surely some form of gaslight targeting my wife's uncertainty with making big decisions.
I also learned later that the MIL was upset that the gift I got my wife for mother's day wasn't sufficient enough and she was CONVINCED I would have forgotten (without any prior history of me forgetting gifts). Not to toot my own horn, but I like to think I've been an amazing dad taking care of my child, AND I asked the wife ahead of time what type of Mother's Day gift she'd want and got her something based on her suggestions. The MIL has this mindset that the more money you spend the more sincere the gift is and that's just not something the wife and I adhere to. We talk to each other, listen to what the other person wants/ needs, and go off of that.
Now, my MIL has a history of narcotism and belittling others by talking down to them, especially to her daughter. I won't bore you all with examples over the years, but lets just say I was absolutely livid. This was my wife's first official mother's day and it was ruined by her mom because she didn't like the couch we bought and somehow our behavior offended her despite her knowing we were going to purchase furniture on our own.
At this point we've told the MIL we aren't talking to her anymore until we're ready to have a sit-down chat (work, sick baby has been keeping us busy). Upon which, I plan on laying it out to her that her behavior about what the wife and I do is none of her business (especially since we're financing everything) and that her unsolicited opinions are grossly inappropriate and not needed. Unfortunately, given the MIL age I don't expect this to have any effect and given how long I've known her, I don't think it's going to make any meaningful progress to her being a better person. I've heard phrases from her saying "well opinions can be given freely" and I have some absolute bombs I am ready to drop on her if I feel the conversation warrants it, but I don't want to go down that road unless no other options are available.
We plan on having a sit down with her soon to talk about her behavior. Though I am convinced she's going to be pretending to be angry to justify her actions. But honestly, I might just tell her to sit on the floor since I know she doesn't like the new couch.
For all the years I've known my wife, I have seen this woman make her cry several times and I've kept my mouth shut. But watching my wife cry on my shoulder in front of our baby on Mother's Day was the final straw. I am absolutely willing to go no-contact and am willing to pay any sitter's cost to avoid relying on the help of my narcissistic MIL. But we need to have that talk and see how things go from there.

The supernatural is a very real and very dangerous thing, Oftentimes taking the form of cognito hazards.Whether it be demon's ghost.Or what have you every species has had to deal with them.
When humans came along we congratulated them to seeing the wider galaxy. Another space faring species that can hopefully add towards the library of knowledge in fighting off Supernatural.
In the first few months nothing Super out of the normal happened there were Possession Hauntings what have you.
What's something strange happened on one are these incidents. The job Priest and preacher Hold no known Is correlations to any other species.
So when one was brought a board And gathered other humans and meetings We just assumed it was a leader of sorts Organizing.
On the space station orbiting a red sun on a mining world a human was possessed. Quickly think you got everything we Salt and iron didn't seem to work. So this must have been a demons work.
We were preparing to send the family A sorry note and compensation as there is no known cure for demon possession.
Then the "priest" came in We figured around a Talisman the shape of a sorwd and As I was later informed a cross.
He spouted words of "God" will not let you have one of his Sheep and the alike. We just assumed he was desperate to save one of his underlings. Whoever this "God" fellow was must have been very caring.
We were preparing to put him down before the demon could cause any harm. Then it happened.The demon was suddenly expelled from his body. Kicking and screaming the shape of smoke, blood and iron Somehow it was crying.
It spoken tongues , but instead of tormenting, it was begging for the pagan to end.
We have no idea what happened at the time. We began asking questions on how they figured out to save those from demonic possession. And all they were spotted in kind was pray to God And love jesus.
Not satisfied with these answers.I began conducting research into the History of this.
And what are you found It's left me both mentally unfit to continue research and horrified of the implications.
I began my research looking through old Ways of curing demonic possession. But I found coalessing words more often than not. There was no one way among the humans to do it. But I kept finding a hot word if you will. HOLY.
I will spare you the hours and hours of research. I put into this but I will skip to the end result of my conclusion.
It is not that there is some cure for demonic possession. Or even resistance to it. This intimatic figure has been protecting them Their entire existence impossibly even created them.
They do not know what's name only Referring to it as God. The highest reference you can give something in their culture.
All my research came ahead when I found "The bible" It was text Depicting ancient stories of this figure protecting its people. It even showed a possible beginning for damons. And they're supposed leader Lucifer.
One thing I know for certain though. Is that whatever this is, it is powerful There has only been one recorded instance of it "Looking away" from one of its sheep when apparently one of them betrayed its son.
When I try to perform the ritual of true sight And using a focus of the bible to see what this figure looked like. I could not describe... it nor do I wish to There was a Phrase said when one of its messengers Talk to one of the caretakers of its child.
Be not afraid. . . . . I am putting this all down into a audio file.Recording with all my past research on it. Goodbye We do not live in gods light. . BANG.
Should I make more? Is this a good one shot

The supernatural is a very real and very dangerous thing, Oftentimes taking the form of cognito hazards.Whether it be demon's ghost.Or what have you every species has had to deal with them.
When humans came along we congratulated them to seeing the wider galaxy. Another space faring species that can hopefully add towards the library of knowledge in fighting off Supernatural.
In the first few months nothing Super out of the normal happened there were Possession Hauntings what have you.
What's something strange happened on one are these incidents. The job Priest and preacher Hold no known Is correlations to any other species.
So when one was brought a board And gathered other humans and meetings We just assumed it was a leader of sorts Organizing.
On the space station orbiting a red sun on a mining world a human was possessed. Quickly think you got everything we Salt and iron didn't seem to work. So this must have been a demons work.
We were preparing to send the family A sorry note and compensation as there is no known cure for demon possession.
Then the "priest" came in We figured around a Talisman the shape of a sorwd and As I was later informed a cross.
He spouted words of "God" will not let you have one of his Sheep and the alike. We just assumed he was desperate to save one of his underlings. Whoever this "God" fellow was must have been very caring.
We were preparing to put him down before the demon could cause any harm. Then it happened.The demon was suddenly expelled from his body. Kicking and screaming the shape of smoke, blood and iron Somehow it was crying.
It spoken tongues , but instead of tormenting, it was begging for the pagan to end.
We have no idea what happened at the time. We began asking questions on how they figured out to save those from demonic possession. And all they were spotted in kind was pray to God And love jesus.
Not satisfied with these answers.I began conducting research into the History of this.
And what are you found It's left me both mentally unfit to continue research and horrified of the implications.
I began my research looking through old Ways of curing demonic possession. But I found coalessing words more often than not. There was no one way among the humans to do it. But I kept finding a hot word if you will. HOLY.
I will spare you the hours and hours of research. I put into this but I will skip to the end result of my conclusion.
It is not that there is some cure for demonic possession. Or even resistance to it. This intimatic figure has been protecting them Their entire existence impossibly even created them.
They do not know what's name only Referring to it as God. The highest reference you can give something in their culture.
All my research came ahead when I found "The bible" It was text Depicting ancient stories of this figure protecting its people. It even showed a possible beginning for damons. And they're supposed leader Lucifer.
One thing I know for certain though. Is that whatever this is, it is powerful There has only been one recorded instance of it "Looking away" from one of its sheep when apparently one of them betrayed its son.
When I try to perform the ritual of true sight And using a focus of the bible to see what this figure looked like. I could not describe... it nor do I wish to There was a Phrase said when one of its messengers Talk to one of the caretakers of its child.
Be not afraid. . . . . I am putting this all down into a audio file.Recording with all my past research on it. Goodbye We do not live in gods light.
BANG.
Should I make more? Is this a good one shot

*Disclaimer - I am very unexperienced with writing like this, however I love this community, so I thought I would give it a try (All feedback is welcome). Thanks to u/ComplexNo8986 for inspiring me to write, and of course u/Sweet_older-Sister and all the other mods and creators of this community for giving me this opportunity* - Sorry if this post is too long, I just really enjoyed this idea
The Rock, a beast of a bygone era, a cavernous brute. Contained within its endless halls are the pinnacle of human strength and prowess, the Dark Angels chapter of the God-Emperor's mighty imperium. Yet festering below the surface of this perceived beauty and grace, lies the endless quest for love and retribution.
In the middle of spiraling wires, circuits and other mechanical necessities for such a monster, stands a single man, his stance and gaze unwavering, just as they had been for countless days, years, even milenia, the count didn't matter, as long as he held his oath.
Now what this oath? it was but a simple gesture that surely shook the cosmo, for this duty was not to some ruinous power, either human or demonic, but to the one thing that many men alike would surely sell their life away for, love.
Just as this 'Noble Knight' had stood on guard for countless life times, so did the one they served, admired, and lived for, both alike in the lack of expression and inability to move from their post. This love is no ordinary matter, as this woman shrouded in automated stasis, an echo of time, was no mere mortal, but the Firstborn of the Imperium, the Lioness of Caliban herself, Elaine El'jonson.
The Squire - Filthy mongrels (He said wiping the blood from his sword, as throughout the centuries the futile excursion of an assassin reach the Lioness's tomb.)
A violent crash shook the chamber
The Squire - What now? (He stated with hints of indignation)
Within moments screams of raider and angels alike would echoe within the corridors. He raised his sword in response, as he had countless time.
Seemingly endless moments until a figure appeared within the threshold, a character of impressive stature, but nothing this 'Knight' wasn't prepared for. stepping forward into the dim light emerged the forgotten and disgraced son, Luther.
Luther - Impressive father (He noted while he scanned the room, as the bodies of undescribale horrors and humans alike scattered the floor, along with their insides, now outsides, yet Luther noticed the stasis pod of his mother remained pristine, almost glistening)
The Squire - You wish to join them? (He said, gritting his teeth with fury)
Luther - No, I only seek to bring mother into her rightful fold (A slight smirk appearing on his face as he uttered this phrase)
The Squire - I have and forever shall stand between my beloved and your ruinous powers (The blood almost bursting from his veins as he spoke)
Luther - So be it (He unsheathed his own blade in response)
Both angels, one a guardian, the other a prodigal son, leapt towards each other, their blades making alluring yet repulsive sounds. A mirade of storming blades and strikes would continue for what felt to both parties, as an eternity. As the battle and the 'Knight' began tire, so did he begin to falter. Before he brought another onslaught upon his once so-called father, Luther steadily paced towards him, the 'Knight' huffing for breath, fell to one knee, clenching the brace of his blade.
Luther - Goodbye 'Father' (Disgusted at the very notion of this mere mortal being his mother's chosen one)
Luther slashed his blade with frightening speed, the 'Knight' unable to react, took the blow, splattering his blood crossing the room. Clutching his wound this noble turned to face his beloved, placing his bloodied hand upon the stasis pod, a final mark of commitment, one forever enshrined in blood and honor.
The Squire - We shall meet again my love (He said with fading breath, collasping to the ground, his eyes closing while his mind feed him the pictures of their home, where their love had blossomed, accepting his fate)
Luther - She will never remember you, I will make sure of that (He spat upon his once father, now nothing more than an obstacle to the Dark Gods)
As his saliva made contact, a shiver ran down Luther's spine, but he thought nothing of it. He began to make his way to the stasis pod. In one last act of defiance, the Squire grabbed the foot of Luther's power armour, but Luther effortlessly kicked it aside, his gaze began to shift to his mother, when the room began convulse, the metal purring, as having being afflicted by a monstrous force, Luther's eyes darted around the room. A hand piercing from the tank grabbed Luther by his helm, holding above the ground, gasping for air as she removed herself from her cage. She threw Luther across the room, and bent down picking up her lover, uponing seeing the blood and his face shining with content, She came to tears. Her eyes raised again to Luther's and upon seeing the blood upon his sword, no doubt her love's, She let out a mighty screech, a roar of countless wasted opportunities never to be fulfilled. Luther dropped to his knees in pain, holding his ears begging her to stop, yet she continued. As Luther cried out, the Squire opened his eyes, seeing his love once more.
The Squire - My lady you've returned to us, to me (his breath shaky due to his injuries)
The Lioness stopped her howl to listen to her chosen guardian, and as his eyes closed once more, she grabbed Luther and snapped his neck, slowly, removing his helm first to make sure she could she the pain enter his eyes and watch as his life left. Cradling her adored, she made her way to meet her sons, with the prayer that their could revive her love.
The Squire - I have come too far to die so easily my lady (he grasped her hand in reassurance as her tears continued to fall)
The Lioness had returned, but at what time, and what cost?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I (32F) met the guy (34M) on the Internet when we were still teenagers - about 16 years ago. At that time, he lived on another continent, and as we were chatting, it got a bit romantic and we started “online dating”. It was a very childish and innocent thing, basically just chatting on Facebook every day and calling each other “love” and sending each other romantic songs, nothing serious. After about half a year, he found a real-life girlfriend and asked me to end the “online relationship” but stay friends. My teenage little soul was a bit hurt, but I found a real-life boyfriend soon after as well and we remained friends. It was kind of on and off for many years, we would keep in touch but it wasn’t intense. A few years ago he moved to the country next to mine for work, and this summer, he told me he would like to visit me in my city, and finally get to meet each other in person. I was excited and said yes. It went fine, we had a lot of fun, I showed him around and we talked a lot, but not really about any personal stuff. He left after two days.
Last month, he wrote me a message that he would be visiting again this month. I was actually a bit annoyed, because we didn’t discuss it previously, and he would be visiting over the weekend. Work has been stressful lately and I am usually very tired at the end of the week, so I was looking forward to having the weekend to myself and just staying in bed honestly, but I felt it would be rude to phrase it like that and I didn’t want to lie about having something planned. I was very tired on the Friday night, but we still met up. Looking back, I probably missed some red flags back then, but I was really tired and thought it was due to my bad mood that I was feeling that way. For example, when we met, I just said hi, and he was clearly expecting a hug or a kiss. We discussed it and I told him that it’s not really something I’m comfortable with, as it’s reserved only for my closest friends and family in my culture. He seemed hurt by that, but we then didn’t discuss it further. He also told me he brought me gifts, and since we met in front of his hotel, he asked me to go with him to get them, but I said I would just wait outside - tbh, I didn’t really suspect anything bad, but it would just feel weird going to someone’s hotel room when I’m not a guest at that hotel, if it makes sense. So he brought the things outside. We went for drinks and had quite a nice evening. I called it a night at 10 because I was falling asleep. He offered to walk me home, and I refused, not really because I didn’t want him to know where I lived, but again, it’s not something I’m used to, since all my life I’ve pretty much walked guys home and not vice versa - I’m just like that. Again, it left kind of a weird aftertaste.
We met up again in the morning and went for a walk and then for lunch. On the way back when we were on public transport, the conversation started going towards our relationship. I could immediately sense that, and I tried to redirect it elsewhere, but then he asked me how I would “classify” our relationship. I immediately said: “Friends.” I thought it was the end of that, but he started going on about how he had thought it would be just meeting an online acquaintance, but realised that he really liked me in person etc. I told him to stop right there, because I had bad experience with guys I had been friends with later “realising” they liked me, and when I told them I didn’t feel that way, they cut ties with me completely - and I’ve lost a few dear friends like that. I said that it was a territory I didn’t want to go it, but I honestly felt like it was falling on deaf ears. He kept going on about how he wouldn’t be able to be in a long distance relationship with me though, because he would just miss me too much, so it would all need to be carefully planned, but next year his work would allow him to basically be working remotely etc. I felt like I was in the Twilight zone. I had clearly expressed that I didn’t feel that way, and didn’t want to discuss it further, and there he was basically planning our marriage. I felt like I couldn’t have been more clearer before, and because I didn’t want to start hysterically screaming in public, I just stayed really silent and basically zoned out until we got off, and I basically curtly said goodbye and went home.
He texted me about ten minutes later saying that he was “confused” by my reaction, and asked if he had said anything wrong. I replied that yes, basically everything, since I clearly expressed my boundary and he didn’t respect it. He called me cold and said I could have at least hear him out (as if I didn’t listen to him going on about it for at least fifteen minutes straight), and I said that I only saw us as friends and wasn’t moving from that position. He argued that it wasn’t always that way and I replied that if there ever was any romantic feeling from my side, that ship sailed fifteen years ago. He asked me to meet him again and talk about it, but I replied that I really didn’t feel like there was anything more to talk about on this subject. He tried again in the evening, asking me to meet him again, I just left him on read. He left the following day without us meeting again and we haven’t talked since. I’m fine with that, I didn’t try to initiate contact and honestly probably never will again. Later I found out he blocked me everywhere anyway.
But as it wasn’t the first time something like this happened to me, I started thinking about it and whether I wasn’t sending mixed signals or something. I went over what was said many times in my head, if I wasn’t too harsh, or if I didn’t say or do something to make him feel like he could make that move (I did get a bit drunk on the first night since I was so tired and just two glasses of wine made me fairly tipsy, but I think I still remember everything I said that night and we just talked about work and travel and innocent things like that). Basically I still stand by what I did, but because this just seems to keep happening, I’m now doubting myself and I think I must be doing something wrong.
He also met my mother during these two visits (just briefly, not like it was an official introduction, we just went to an event where my mom also was, so they only exchanged a few words), and for some reason I can’t bring myself to tell her about what happened. She kept talking about him after the first visit, and I felt like she was trying to push him on me because she found him really nice and I’ve been single for a long time, and she’s been since asking about him, and I just avoid the subject and don’t react because I feel uncomfortable (and I feel stupid about feeling that way).
Was I TA or did I do the right thing to cut it short and I’m simply weird like that?

In Triplicate #8 - The Beths - Future Me Hates Me / Jump Rope Gazers / Expert In A Dying Field (2018 - 2022)
While a large discography is not necessarily the indication of a great band or artist finding a musician who can release three watershed albums, either outputting high quality work or exploring similar themes and motifs within them is to me nothing short of an amazing feat. It’s an achievement that is worth taking a deep dive to dissect, contrast and compare different works during a time of seeming creative wellspring. “In Triplicate” will be a bi-weekly spotlight on what I feel are artist at their peak by releasing three killer albums in a row chronologically and making observations on the world of music, their creative mindset and how these albums interlink, or pull apart, from each other.
Listen
Future Me Hates Me – Bandcamp - Apple Music – Spotify
Jump Rope Gazers – Bandcamp - Apple Music – Spotify
Expert in a Dying Field – Bandcamp - Apple Music - Spotify
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Guest Review by u/MCK_OH
Sometimes a band is just really fucking good. We all love a band that has a stake in The Narrative, but sometimes a great band is more self-contained. They aren’t great because they tell us something about how the world works, they’re great because they make great songs. On an unrelated note, meet indieheads favorite The Beths. The New Zealand based four-piece formed in 2014 and has since released 3 studio records: 2018’s Future Me Hates Me, 2020’s Jump Rope Gazers and 2022’s Expert In a Dying Field. All three of these records rule. These records do not contain much experimentation. They do not contain a shocking amount of growth. They do not contain messages that will change the way you view the world. They do not contain songs that changed The Narrative. What they do contain is 32 perfect or near-perfect songs, countless brilliant hooks, clever turns of phrase, fun harmonies and cool riffs. And while these records probably don’t contribute to The Narrative they do have A Narrative. I promise I’m not making this up. Let’s view the three Beths records not as three records but instead as one triple LP concept record. Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. A power pop Tommy except without all the parts of Tommy that kind of suck. Sadly there’s no “Pinball Wizard” either but you can’t have everything.
Act I: Wondering If You Feel The Same
What does it mean that Future Me Hates Me is so beloved in this subreddit? When we redid our essentials last summer, this record was one of the 40 named to the 2010s essentials. It’s not seen that way, I think. Fellow online music nerds don’t even agree! I think it means that we are a broadly anxious bunch because this is an exceedingly anxious record. Or maybe it just means that Future Me Hates Me is a perfect batch of indie rock tunes for the indie rock subreddit. A bit of both maybe.
Future Me Hates Me is probably the tightest Beths record. It’s the shortest (by 14 seconds, but still) and maintains an up-tempo pace more than the other two. It’s a record whose entire tracklist probably could be singles. Or, as proven by a series of Fortnite YouTubers, a record whose entire tracklist could be background music for your Fortnite highlights video. I’m not kidding! Look it up, there’s a distinctly strange amount of these and they all rule. Opener “Great No One” reveals what the record will be about pretty quickly. Immediately catchy, harmony-laden indie rock. That’s it, that’s the bag of tricks. Sometimes it’ll be slow for a bit - “Less Than Thou,” “River Run” - but mostly, it’s this. And that’s good because this is fantastic. There is no type of music in the world I like more than hooky indie rock. And no one does it better. Every song has something truly special about it. “Great No One” has those layered “Yeah”s on the chorus, “Future Me Hates Me” has the little guitar thing over the riff in the intro and after the first chorus, “Uptown Girl” has the name of a much worse Billy Joel Song, “You Wouldn’t Like Me” gets quiet and then loud (genius maneuver), “Not Running” has its ridiculous forward momentum from the drums, “Little Death” has the brilliant final chorus, “Happy Unhappy” has the way frontwoman Liz Stokes sings the word particularly, “River Run” also gets quiet and then loud (still genius), “Whatever” has the super fun guitar solo and “Less Than Thou” has the entire like 45 seconds when the band comes back in on vocals. It’s a perfect indie pop album. Every song is brilliant. The only records that I think I can fairly compare it to are If You’re Feeling Sinister and Alvvays in terms of indie pop perfection. Just 10 brilliant songs.
Oh yeah, the narrative. This is the first act of 3 in the conceptual masterpiece Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. It’s a simple narrative. Our narrator falls in love despite her knowledge that it will probably end badly, it works for a bit and then it falls apart. Our narrator is anxious pretty much the entire time. Simple, but effective storytelling.
Future Me Hates Me is about the first part of that process. Our narrator tries, and ultimately fails to convince herself that she doesn’t have a crush. The evidence to the contrary is simply overwhelming. She may believe that love’s no good idea (at all!) but on “Happy Unhappy” her every moment is haunted by wondering if he feels the same. She can’t even remember to take out the bins! On “Little Death” her body begins to fail her, dying the titular little death every time he comes near. Even then though, she maintains that “I’ll never tell, you’ll never guess.” On “You Wouldn’t Like Me,” she even admits that it “feels so much like being in love,” all the while worrying that she’s too unlikeable for it to work out. But on “Future Me Hates Me,” she comes around: she wants to risk going through future heartbreak. Future her may hate her but there’s nothing she can really do about it. And in the best song on the record, “Not Running,” she confirms that she’s not running away. It’s almost a response to the previous song, “You Wouldn’t Like Me.” It’s finally a song of trust - tell the truth. I won’t run away.. It’s okay to tell the truth. She was wondering if he feels the same and it looks like he does. Enough dying little deaths, worrying about future me. It’s time to meet the Jump Rope Gazers.
Act II: I Wanna Give It My Best Try
There’s a tendency, I think, to say that Jump Rope Gazers is the weakest Beths record. It has the weakest reviews, it has the fewest shooters among us non-critics, it is broadly just not quite as beloved as the other two. A classic sophomore slump. But I think that Jump Rope Gazers is, at the very worst, only like a quarter-step behind the other two Beths records. It would be like calling Ichiro’s 2002 season a sophomore slump. Yes, it was a step down from his rookie year and he would go on to have even better seasons but the dude still hit .321, stole 30 bases and made the all-star team. And yes, Jump Rope Gazers is a slight decline from Future Me Hates Me but it still has “Just Shy of Sure” and “Jump Rope Gazers” on it, which is the indie rock equivalent of hitting at least .321.
What sets Jump Rope Gazers apart from Future Me Hates Me the most at first is that it’s slower. Future Me Hates Me takes until the 8th song to slow down even for a minute, while Jump Rope Gazers slows down by track 3. It will slow down again at track 5 and track 9. These songs tend to be slightly weaker, though the title track is an exception. But there are still absolutely bangers on here. Opener “I’m Not Getting Excited” has a slightly gnarlier guitar sound than anything on Future Me Hates Me. Side 2 opener “Out of Sight” moves forward with the same momentum and pace that drives the best of Future Me Hates Me. “Mars, The God of War” does a little quiet/loud thing which is always welcome. While I can attempt to sort these songs into piles (“the slow ones,” “the bangers” etc) I think at the end of the day this is just another batch of excellent Beths tunes. “Dying to Believe” is a brilliant pop song that pulls out pretty much every trick in the book. I’m sort of in awe of it. It has sick harmonies! A bass solo! It has a part where the guitars are gone and then they come back! It’s another song about nervously waiting for the world to crash down around you but it sounds like a ton of fun. It has a super fun music video, the best they’ve ever made. It’s a ridiculous pop song that pulls out every trick without feeling overstuffed. “Acrid” has this faraway backing vocal at 3:33 that always makes my day. “Don’t Go Away” is like half chorus, and it’s a good choice because the chorus rocks. It’s a trick they’ll use again, to even better use on “Knees Deep” later, on Expert In A Dying Field. And the slow songs do still work. The chorus of “Do You Want Me Now” is absolute gold. One of their best. While “You Are a Beam of Light” is probably the weakest song between all three records, it’s still fun. The final chorus with the full band harmony is excellent. The best of the album’s slower cuts is “Jump Rope Gazers.” “Jump Rope Gazers” was the first Beths song that I loved. It has what is still probably the best set of opening lines of the decade with “I’ve never been the dramatic type / But if I don’t see your face tonight / I, I guess I’ll be fine.” Incredible, every time. The guitars sound really nice. The chorus sounds really nice. The melody is really nice. This whole song is just really fucking nice. It might be the one song from this band that makes you go “I’d want to live in the feeling of this song forever.” It’s the song that got me to fall in love with The Beths, and for that it will always be one of my favorites. But it’s not quite as good as the closer “Just Shy of Sure,” the best song on the record. It’s a high bar, but I think this one might have the best chorus melody of the Beths career to date. It feels like it has the same forward momentum of an “Out of Sight” while still having the more laid-back warmth of a “Jump Rope Gazers.” One of their perfect songs. One of the best songs of the decade. At the end of the day, what Jump Rope Gazers sacrifices in terms of bangers I think it mostly makes up for with a slightly more varied palette that mostly works wonders. It’s still a batch of Beths songs, which is among the highest compliments I’m willing to give anything.
Folks, meet the Jump Rope Gazers. The Jump Rope Gazers of course, are our narrator and the object of her affection. It would seem that our narrator has finally won the day. She is in love, willing to admit it and it seems like he is too. Of course, this has not stopped the worrying. On “I’m Not Getting Excited” she keeps her grip on joy loose, bracing for the potential for everything to fall down around her. On “Dying to Believe,” she’s willing to hope that everything won’t fall down around her but she also spends the song apologizing. She struggles with communication, with trust in herself and in her partner. There are true, earnest moments of joy on Jump Rope Gazers. The title track is a love song with no reservations. She wonders how this could have happened, despite all the worrying from Future Me Hates Me. She offers that she’s willing to give it her best try. The rest of the record tugs back and forth in either direction. You don’t get a sense listening to it whether it will work out long-term or not. While there are songs like “Jump Rope Gazers,” there’s also songs like “Do You Want Me Now” or “Don’t Go Away.” “Do You Want Me Now” indicates that communication here is often difficult. And anytime you need to say “don’t go away” 24 times in one song, it seems like things might not be going perfectly. The penultimate “You Are a Beam of Light” details a stilted phone call with tears involved but our narrator is willing to “meet outside in five.” Maybe they can work through this. Let’s return to the closer “Just Shy of Sure” and its brilliant chorus. What are the actual words in it?
“Oh, my head is aching
But if I keep very still
I might be able
To make this work until
The end of the weekend
Weak, but I’ll pretend
That you still want me
I’m the one you adore
But I’m just shy of sure”
More worrying! Not great probably. Sounds like it’s maybe not the sturdiest relationship in the world. Still, I hope they can make this work. That they can get around the insecurities, the doubts, the communication. Pull it together. Give us a happy ending. What’s the first lyric of the next album, as a sneak peak of where the jump rope gazers are headed?
“Can we erase our history?”
Ah, shit.
Act III: Staring Into Nothing (Or, I Hate Past Me)
If we continue to operate under the assumption that The Beths are the Ichiro Suzuki of indie rock (and we should, to clarify) then I think Expert In A Dying Field might be their equivalent of his dazzling 2004 campaign. After all, just like Ichiro in ‘04 this has a staggering amount of hits. Even more than the already staggering amount of hits from their previous efforts! It helps that, unlike the 10 songs of their previous records this has 12 songs. They manage to more than keep up the quality. While this is their longest and lengthiest record, it’s hardly The White Album. Lead single “Silence Is Golden” is a bit louder than usual, “I Want To Listen” is a bit quieter and “2am” is a slow, sad closer but really this is another batch of Beths tunes. Which, again, hell yeah. Can never have enough Beths tunes going around. Let’s all hang out and watch The Beths do the indie rock equivalent of hitting .372 and breaking the single season hit record.
The opener and title track, “Expert In A Dying Field” is the best song The Beths have ever made. The lyrics are as sharp and clever as they’ve ever been, the hook is gold and the song just keeps building momentum, and building momentum, and building momentum. What starts off as an understated pop tune has turned anthemic in less than four minutes. The backing vocals are fantastic, the guitar sound is great. It’s a song that could make you dance or cry. It’s the perfect Beths song. That last minute is unstoppable. I’ve gotten goosebumps listening to it more times than I can count. “Knees Deep” rocks. It’s like 65% chorus which is fine because it’s one of the best choruses the band has ever put down. It makes sense to keep hammering the chorus button if you’ve landed on something this good. No problems here. Speaking of great choruses, this record is just chock full of ‘em. The chorus on “Best Left” wasn’t my favorite initially but I’ve really come around on it. It’s really fun to sing along to. Important quality. “Change In The Weather,” written by guitarist Jonathan Pearce proves that there’s somehow more than one band member capable of writing brilliant Beths tunes. “Head In The Clouds” and “A Passing Rain” are Beths songs. Which, hell yeah as per usual. At this point it’s almost unremarkable how this band just churns out great indie pop tunes. Unusually happy “When You Know You Know” is heavier on acoustic guitars, providing a minor change on The Beths formula. It works wonders. The heavier “Silence Is Golden” similarly tweaks the formula, providing the perfect musical backdrop for Liz Stokes’ agitated vocal performance. It’s the song that probably best captures the feeling of loud construction being done beside your home. “I Want To Listen” is also a bit of a tweak on The Beths formula. It’s a jaunty little pop tune that reminds me of similar moments in the Rilo Kiley catalog. It is unsurprisingly great. “I Told You That I Was Afraid” returns to both the anxiety and the continuous forward momentum of Future Me Hates Me and does so exceedingly well. It rocks. It’s also an exceedingly tight song, the band seems to be moving as one on this one. “Your Side” is probably my second favorite song on the record, a melancholy post-breakup tune. It’s another one with a practically perfect chorus. Oh and the guitar sound is great. Especially the guitar after Stokes sings the “oo-oo” part after the chorus. That’s what music should be right there. Closer “2am” is a classic Sad, Slower Closing Song. Y’know like “My Hometown” or “Dublin City Sky” or “Gospel” or “Butterfly.” I’m broadly suspicious of this specific type of song. Slowing it down means you lose something in energy and just generally rocking (rocking, always a good thing!) so you’ve gotta make up for it somehow. And “2am” does. This type of song works when the lyrics pick up the slack, when the slow and spareness of the song makes you focus on the lyrics, and when the emotion in the lyrics complements the pace and atmosphere of the song. When the song is sad enough that mustering energy for it seems like it’s beyond the point. “2am” is a song like that. And to be fair to “2am” it does build towards the end. After an album of playing chicken with finally saying goodbye, “2am” finally does it.
So we reach the end of the road for the jump rope gazers. We were with them through the anxious crush stage, the even more anxious early relationship stage and now it’s time to say goodbye. “Expert In A Dying Field” laments all the time and knowledge now gone to waste. While on Jump Rope Gazer’s “You Are a Beam of Light” the late night phone call was stilted and sad at least there was a late night phone call, but on “Head In The Clouds” our narrator has no one to listen to her at night. The nervous self-doubt that’s shown up again and again re-appears at the worst times on songs like “A Passing Rain” and “I Told You That I Was Afraid.” Our narrator remains torn; on “Your Side” she wants nothing more than a dramatic, tearful apology, a romantic gesture, a chance that maybe they can get back together. Maybe it’s not over, or at least not over forever. But on “Best Left” she indicates that some things are best left to rot. Some things need to be put behind, and forgotten. One of the constants in these three records is that sense of uncertainty. On Future Me Hates Me, our narrator indicates that she’ll never reveal her emotions on one song while indicating she has to on another. On Jump Rope Gazers she’ll declare her love on one song, hoping it’s going to work out while indicating that she has no serious belief that it will in others. Finally, on Expert In A Dying Field she’s unsure if the best way forward is to keep looking back or to try to move forward. One way or another the story of the jump rope gazers is over though. On “2am” we finally hear how it all fell apart. We hear about the good times, but we also hear about the communication breakdown. We hear our narrator reminiscing about when it finally fell apart:
“There was news I was nervous to tell you
Through the filter softening the words we said
Were you mad? Tell the truth, I can take it
I could hear the engine as you drove away
Through the blinds, saw the glow of the light fade”
And that’s where we leave it. She asks one more time if he still feels it, but it seems there’s no response. This is it. To some degree, she was right; she probably does hate past her.
Outro: The End of the Weekend
The Beths, great band. If you’ve somehow read this far without having heard them go listen to them. I’d listen to them in chronological order but really you can’t go wrong. I admit I had to stretch the concept a bit, leave some stuff out of the narrative and all that. But I think that puts it more and not less in line with most concept records. In truth, I think these three records do work as a loose narrative if you want to view them that way, which I sometimes do. If you don’t then you can choose to view them as three of the best indie pop records of the past decade. That works too. Either way it’s a run for the ages.
As a music nerd I am naturally list-obsessed (sometimes I worry I’m getting too close to the High Fidelity guys) so here’s a bunch of Beths lists I assembled while I was writing this.
List 1: The Perfect Beths Songs
1. “Not Running”
2. “Little Death”
3. “Less Than Thou”
4. “Jump Rope Gazers”
5. “Out of Sight”
6. “Just Shy of Sure”
7. “Expert In A Dying Field”
8. “Knees Deep”
9. “Your Side”
10. “I Told You That I Was Afraid”
11. “Idea/Intent”
List 2: The Near Perfect Beths Songs
1. All the rest
List 3: The Abridged Tracklist to Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. Or, the songs that I think tell the narrative I’m trying to sell the best.
1. “Little Death”
2. “Future Me Hates Me”
3. “You Wouldn’t Like Me”
4. “Not Running”
5. “I’m Not Getting Excited”
6. “Dying to Believe”
7. “Jump Rope Gazers”
8. “Just Shy of Sure”
9. “Expert In A Dying Field”
10. “Your Side”
11. “Best Left”
12. “2am”
List 4: The Top 10 Beths Music Videos
1. “Dying to Believe”
2. “Knees Deep”
3. “Expert In A Dying Field”
4. “Future Me Hates Me”
5. “Your Side”
6. “Jump Rope Gazers”
7. “Uptown Girl”
8. “I’m Not Getting Excited”
9. “Little Death”
10. “Happy Unhappy”
List 5: 10 Actors Who Could Have Been That Actor In That One Particular Film
1. Jackie Chan
2. Jeremy Renner
3. Rebecca Ferguson
4. Dominic Monaghan
5. Owen Wilson
6. Charlize Theron
7. Matt Damon
8. Julia Roberts
9. Paul Giamatti
10. Viola Davis
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(Tentative) Schedule
May 27 - U2 - War / The Unforgettable Fire / The Joshua Tree
June 10 - R.E.M. Part 1 - Murmur / Reckoning / Fables of Reconstruction (Guest Entry u/p-u-n-k_girl)
June 24 - R.E.M. Part 2 - Out of Time / Automatic for the People / Monster
July 8 - Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend / Contra / Modern Vampires of the City
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Archive

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Disclosure: I don't know Japanese
The last 2 phrases of E.28 was .........
Frieren: "It Would Be Embarrassing When We Met Again" then Fern: "What does that mean?"
Question: Is Fern asking why people cry when they leave each other or is she saying that the previous statement doesn't make sense? Or possibly why would you be embarrassed?
Thinking: Crying is obvious. Being embarrassed makes sense if you tell someone "goodbye" and see them again because its not really goodbye its "see you next time."
Is it possible that Fern is referring to "met" in "It Would Be Embarrassing When We Met Again"?
shouldn't be "meet?"
また会あったときに恥はずかしいからね Mata atta toki ni hazukashīkara ne
I asked chatGBT and I said "shouldn't it be meet and not met?" and it said "yeah woops...."
So is this just an English thing? But it would make sense if Fern was confused and it would mean more for the story. Speaking like it "already" happened, which follows the theme of imagination/visualization/belief that if it is it will be.