Does imitrex injection hurt

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed and long, there's a TL;DR at the end. I just had my LEEP on Thursday and wanted to share my experience. Hopefully this soothes a fellow over-thinker.
Background: 30 yr old female, 130 lbs, 5'2". No moderate, severe or chronic health conditions.
I was diagnosed with high-risk (HR) HPV with LSIL/abnormal cells in February of this year. Not 16/18, but another HR strain. I got at least one shot of the HPV vaccine before I turned 26 so I was really shocked at this. I had a complete emotional breakdown because of the connection to HPV and cervical cancer, plus I just felt....dirty. I've gone through my sexually active years without getting as much as a yeast infection, and now I had just been hit with an STI, and the one that causes cancer. I went into a pretty deep depression and honestly I'm still in that depression zone but not nearly as much. I did a ton of research and my findings told me that even if it was cancer, it's one of the most curable ones especially given my age, health, etc.
My primary doctor referred me to a gyno's office connected to the hospital I go to, and I scheduled an appointment for March 1st. Gyno (who was actually not an OBGYN but an APRN/midwife?) basically did a slightly more advanced exam/questionnaire then I got another referral to an actual OBGYN for a colposcopy and scheduled it for April 1st. I thought I would have the colpo/biopsy with the APRN during my March appointment but I guess that's just a "yeah your primary is right you need a colpo" step. Idk, very confusing.
April 1st comes, the doctor that was available for that date (I wanted to get this done asap) had some less than favorable reviews on the internet so that made me a little uneasy. Between each appointment I was spending hours researching, redditing, googling, youtubing etc. so I wouldn't go into this completely ignorant and hopefully minimize the chance of any BS being pulled.
My doctor was, to my surprise, very chill, professional and knowledgeable. Took time to answer all my questions, we even had some laughs. Please ladies, find a doctor that makes you feel comfortable if you can. No question is a silly question and no doctor or nurse should make you feel like you're stupid for raising concerns or asking a lot of questions. If you feel something is off or a doc is being an a-hole, that's your sign to GTFO and find another doctor. Pleasant staff make this experience so much better.
The colpo: wasn't that bad. They crack you open like a pistachio with a speculum (like they would use for pap smear) and take a look at your cervix with this scope. A vinegar solution is applied to highlight the abnormal cells. My doc's colpo machine did have a screen that could show me what he was seeing, although it wasn't working and honestly I'm glad. I think seeing what was going on inside of me would make me worry more. So I just had to take my doctor's word for it when he said the area of abnormal cells was small.
I had a punch biopsy done during my colpo and oh man. It hurt. I wasn't instructed to take ibuprofen beforehand. I'm not sure if they didn't think I would need a biopsy or what but holy crap. 2 samples were taken, at 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock on my cervix, and I received a curettage as well. The curettage didn't hurt or was minor in comparison to the biopsy. After the biopsy, a "liquid bandage" was applied, this bandage is called Monsel's solution I believe. It's a mustard yellow paste.
The biopsy caused immediate moderate cramping and pain. The "6 o'clock" one, which was a larger sample, made me flinch and let out a little yelp. 6 o'clock hurt a lot. I will say that my doctor talked about what he was going to do before doing or as he was doing it so it's not like I was taken entirely by surprise. However, you don't realize how sensitive your cervix is until a chunk is taken from it.
After the biopsy, I felt this dull pain, nausea and cramping and apparently had excessive bleeding. Dribbles of blood were present on the procedure chair and floor, some of which had been cleaned up by the nurse/assistant prior to me sitting up so who knows how much was there. Doc confirmed this excessive bleeding in my after visit summary, but it wasn't so much so that it warranted some kind of emergency. I experienced some spotting for about 2 to 3 days after. I expected more blood in my pads but that never happened. I think seeing all this blood, knowing where it came from and why it was there made me even more nauseous.
The nausea and...weakness after the biopsy really had me messed up. I could barely focus as my doctor went into detail about what to possibly expect afterwards, what he saw (he even drew a little picture of my cervix), answered any questions I had. We said our goodbyes, I got dressed and made a mad dash to the waiting area's water cooler. I figured some cool water would calm my nerves and my stomach. I stupidly walked home after the procedure (I live in Chicago, very close to my doc's office). Nothing terrible happened but in hindsight, what if I passed out in the office, in the street? If you can ladies, have someone with you to get you home safely and for support. Or, at the very least, take an uber after.
After getting home I checked my pad, everything was good although I did have some "coffee grounds" in my pad from the Monsel's solution. The doc warned me about this and to expect it for a few days. I crashed on my couch for a little nap before going to a concert later that evening because I don't know how to take a day off.
The next month following my biopsy was largely uneventful, I did have intercourse about 2.5 weeks post-biopsy with no issues or pain, although the thought of infection and the whole process made it hard to enjoy sex (I healed up just fine so this was more unnecessary worrying). I didn't experience any pain, fever, or excessive bleeding, only some mild discomfort/cramping/lethargy (likely due to mentally stressing myself out) on day 2. I did however, experience one moment that freaked me out:
Day 3 post-biopsy: I got home from after work (my job requires me to be on my feet most of the day) and felt something in my vagina. It felt like a freshly inserted, regular sized tampon. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and reached down to feel something coming out of me. Something was crowning and breaching my labial gates. I reached back down and slowly pulled out whatever object was in me. It felt like a horror movie. I knew I had inserted nothing.
Based on the feeling of said object, I thought my cervix was falling out of my body. I started panicking a bit. Panicking intensified after pulling out this...sac.
It looked alien. It was this membrane sac, about the size of a pitted date when rolled up. Within the sac contained those "coffee grounds." I knew it was the Monsel's solution and likely I had shed the liquid bandage. That logical thought didn't stop me from freaking out and gently wrapping my alien sac Starbucks trash baby in a piece of toilet paper and further sealing this HPV caused abomination into a Ziploc bag. My plan was to run to the ER and show them the freak I had given birth to.
Problem is, I had just lost my is insurance and was in process of getting a new plan, so a costly trip to the ER, waiting for hours for them to likely tell me I'm a panicky idiot wasn't really in the cards. So what does any overly anxious patient do? Turn to Dr. Google of course! I found a couple of reddit posts from women who had experienced the same thing but there wasn't much information on what had just slithered out of me. I found one of those "pay $5 for any kind of advice: legal, medical etc! Chat with an expert today!" sites that seemed legit enough. I got in chat with a doc quickly after some AI pre-chat prompts and he confirmed my suspicions: it was the Monsel's solution that I had expelled from my body. I was told this wasn't unusual and so long as I don't have an excessive bleeding, fever, pain, blah blah, I should be fine.
And I was fine. If you experience this and don't have any accompanying complications, you should be fine too. It is weird when it happens though.
My results came back about 2 weeks later. What was initially thought to be LSIL turned out to be HSIL/CIN-III, and my OBGYN told me I needed a LEEP sooner than later. My appointment was scheduled for next month and I still didn't have insurance. These month long waits between appointments were anxiety ridden depression fests, fueled by junk food and further exacerbated by internet research. The LEEP posts on Reddit had me so concerned, I reached out to my doctor to see if I could be put under general anesthesia for my LEEP, instead of receiving local anesthesia. Women on here described LEEPs as painful and traumatic. Just awful stuff. If you're reading this you've likely read those too. They described leg shaking after the shots, crying, etc. My doctor left me a detailed voice message and responded to my concerns with: "most women tolerate it well but if you're uncomfortable we'll send you to the hospital and put you under monitored sedation/anesthesia." I was still worried but was willing to see how I felt after local anesthesia. I was pleased he was open to working with me and my comfort level.
Fast forward to Wednesday last week:
The night before my LEEP, I got maybe an hour of sleep. I couldn't turn my mind off. My heart started racing an hour before my procedure and I had weird heart palpitations/irregular heart beat. I showered to calm myself down and be clean for my appointment, took 600 mg of ibuprofen as instructed, then headed out. Got a little snack from Starbucks (croissant for before since I was walking to my doc and some madeleines for after to help offset some potential nausea). For my LEEP I wore a big comfy sweater, some "period" leggings (leggings that aren't too tight and I don't care if they get blood on them) and brought a pad with me just in case. They should provide one for you but I'd rather be prepared. Got to the office, checked in, did the pregnancy urine test, got called in quickly, went through the whole height/weight/med history routine. About 5 mins later I sat down in my OBGYN's office. He described the lab findings (CIN-III), detailed the procedure, the tools and supplies they would use, aftercare and answered any questions I had. He then led me into a procedure room (pretty sure it was the same one I had my bloody biopsy in). I got undressed from the waist down like a pap, sat in the procedure chair, draped a little paper blanket over my bare bits and waited. The doctor came in with his nurse and went to work.
They again cracked me open with a speculum, this time it was rubberized on some parts. This is so your vagina doesn't get fried from the electrical current, otherwise your pubes and vulva will look like Marv in Home Alone. They also slapped a little rubber pad on my thigh to "ground" me like I'm some kind heavy duty machinery. Colpo machine comes forward so the doc can zoom in on your cervix. He applied 2 types of solution if I recall correctly: the normal vinegar solution to highlight abnormal cells and an iodine solution to highlight normal cells. Someone can correct me if that's wrong. The solutions and their uses were the least of my concerns.
He then went in with 4 lidocaine injections to numb the area, total of about 1 ml of lido I think. He used a very small needle and upon insertion, it felt like a little pinch. Now, for those afraid of needles, it is a long ish needle but the actual poke is minimal. Although some women report that the inject was the worst part. That was not the case here but the visual can be a bit alarming. After the first injection, I didn't feel the other 3. I felt comfortable going forward with the procedure, and my doc kept checking in with me to make sure I was ok. I did feel an increase in my heart rate post-lidocaine, but it wasn't concerning. I wasn't sure if this was from the "holy shit he's about to start zapping" or as a side effect of the lidocaine. Regardless, my heart rate came back down to a reasonable level given the circumstances in a few minutes. I was actually so comfortable at this point, I managed to relax my asscheeks after they were clamped together like a vise grip from the moment my derriere hit the chair.
I'm not really sure what happened after the injections, I knew he was using the LEEP machine but I don't know how long that lasted and when the wound was being created vs. cauterized as I didn't feel anything except some mild cramping/discomfort. I didn't flinch like I did with the biopsy. When the doc was finished, he applied a little bit of Monsel's, described how much he removed, went over aftercare again, we said our thank yous and goodbyes. I got dressed and went on my way, snacking on my madeleines on my way home (I walked again lol). I felt well post-procedure and even stopped at Target to do some shopping and smell some summer collection candles. I did feel myself bleeding but when I got home and checked the pad, there was a minimal amount of blood. Some women here have reported a distinct burning smell during their LEEP, I didn't smell anything but I also have sinus issues soooo maybe I just didn't pick up on it? My appointment was at 9 a.m. and I was out by 9:32.
When I got home I had some orange juice, water then slept for about 8 to 9 hours. I did have little cry sessions here and there after my procedure. But I was also sleep deprived and know I tend to get emotional. Regardless, take some time off after a LEEP, stay home around your own germs if possible. Get some of your favorite snacks, a face mask and a Nintendo switch or something. This is a good time for some self-care and rest, girlies.
Friday, day after LEEP: no bleeding, minor cramping/discomfort.
Saturday: Usual morning pee met with some blood in the toilet paper. Nothing in my pad though. Throughout the day I slept on and off, I've been more tired than usual. My body and mind has gone through some shit so I'm not mad at myself for being sleepy. I did experience some heavier bleeding throughout the day that was mostly dark colored. The blood level was about the same if not less than what I'd experience with a period. No unusual smell. I did shed the liquid bandage. Did have some mild cramping at certain points during the day but not debilitating or worth taking ibuprofen over.
Sunday: Energy levels finally back up to something normal, don't feel as tired. Still bleeding dark red blood/brown discharge but it's minor. Ran some errands today, I figured gravity would cause me to bleed more but it's about the same as yesterday if not less.
If there's interest, I'll check in at maybe the 2 week and 4 week mark, or whenever I remember since this is my throwaway account.
Overall the LEEP was way better than the biopsy in my experience. Reddit had me freaking out. I know I'm lucky, and this post isn't to dismiss any terrible or painful experience other women have had. I want to share my 'positive' experience, since most of my mental state surrounding my diagnosis, fears, the upgrade from LSIL to HSIL, has been negative.
Oh and I did get insurance literally a week before my LEEP, thank God.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask them below!
TL;DR: -Colpo: easy -Biopsy: sucks. Most pain I've ever felt and felt nauseous/uneasy after. Ask your doctor if you can take ibuprofen prior to a biopsy. Monsel's solution/liquid bandaid came out in sac-like alien baby about 36 to 48 hours later. Was able to have intercourse 2-2.5 weeks post-biopsy. No insertion of anything for about 3 days after. -LEEP: easy-ish? 600 mg ibuprofen 1 hour before procedure. Anxiety inducing but once I was numbed with local anesthesia, I felt nothing except some mild cramping. The injection didn't hurt and caused no serious side effects. No smell. No excessive bleeding. Felt fine post-LEEP but did experience some bleeding. It's been less than a week so I'll update if anything spooky happens, if no updates then expect everything went fine. No intercourse/tampons/etc for 3 to 6 weeks.
Tips: -Prioritize self care throughout this experience especially. It'll help you stay calm and heal. -Dress comfy for procedures -Take some snacks and water to your appointments for post-procedure ick -Do your research. Knowledge is power even if it makes you uncomfortable. Youtube was a great resource for me, I like to see what's going to happen before it does. Just try not to get worked up like I did. -Ask questions. If a doctor makes you feel stupid, see another doctor if possible. -Have someone with you for support and to make sure you get home ok -If you experience fever, intense pain, soaking through pads, or notice any weird smell: GO TO A DOCTOR

so i just started on T about 3 weeks ago at the beginning of the month (finally yippee!!!!)
ive done all 3 of my shots myself so far as i have diabetic cats & know how to give sq injections. the first one went over very smoothly, but the last 2 shots ive done have left raised, firm/hard knots under the skin at the injection sites (abdomen) - they dont appear immediately, only about a day or two after getting the shot. so far, one has been there for two weeks and while it's not getting bigger, it's not going away either. the most recent one just appeared yesterday, and my shot was done on Friday. they are both raised and a little bit red (not super angry or inflamed looking) but they dont hurt, even when pressed on (the most recent one does itch a little though)
in addition to the bumps being..unsightly im also rly worried im doing my shots all wrong and my body isn't actually absorbing any of the testosterone :+( my provider told me it would take at minimum ~1mo to start getting any noticeable changes but my skin/acne did noticeably worsen almost immediately after the first injection, but nothing else has changed so far
i give my shot exactly as i was shown at the clinic - using a 25g needle, roughly an inch away from my bellybutton into the fattiest part of my abdomen. i use a different needle to draw up the T (20g) vs the one i inject with (25g.) i push on the syringe very slowly when giving the injection, and then immediately pull it out and hold an alcohol swab over it to keep from bleeding. my first shot didn't bleed at all but with the 2nd and 3rd ones there was a noticeable amount of blood. also, im on the lowest possible dose of 0.25ml if that matters
i would like to make clear i am not necessarily seeking medical advice, just kind of wondering if i am doing something wrong or if this is normal when first starting out with shots..? i do plan on asking my provider about it but i don't go back to the clinic for another 2 months for my first recheck. my clinic is a 2 houe drive from where i live so just popping in and asking someone to take a look isnt rly an option for me
thank you in advance for any insight !!

Does anyone have any insight on the interaction between T gel and guinea pigs? I started gel about 2 days ago (switched from injections because I was having allergic reactions) and my doctor told me it can be very toxic to cats but couldn’t quite answer about guinea pigs, which I have.
There’s nothing wrong with him, and I’ve left a message for his vet to see if they have any insight. I’ve been being precautious by not touching/petting him for several hours (at least 5) after applying gel, washing hands thoroughly, and haven’t allowed him on my bed since starting gel. Just want to see how exactly precautious I need to be because his cage needs a cleaning today and I don’t want to hurt him by touching him/his habitat. TIA!

After the text and e-mail referenced in the title, he unfriended me on Facebook and apparently blocked my phone number. Nor did he respond to my email, so maybe I’m blocked there as well. I had been in a relationship with him for several months. (Prior to that we had lengthy correspondences for a month.) We grew incredibly close. He frequently told me how special and precious I am. We said “I love you” often. He ended almost all his texts with “Love you with all my heart,” “Love always,” etc. We talked a lot about the future. Very recently he said he wanted to discuss our relationship, and that was what we planned to do the evening of the day he sent the break-up email and then blocked me. In the previous couple of weeks he said we needed to talk, but wouldn’t say about what. And each time I suggested we could talk, he either said it was too late in the evening or there wasn’t enough time. I’m confused, because one day I set aside three hours for us to talk, and he said it wasn’t enough time, so he didn’t want to talk then.
We are both over 60 years old. We both have health issues and similar difficult life issues. I thought we understood and were supporting each other. I had told him I’d never abandon him, no matter what he was going through. I’ve never loved anyone like this.
I recently had an epidural steroid spinal injection. The steroid left me with inability to sleep more than a few broken up hours and it caused me to be extremely irritable, and the side effects lasted longer than the few days I was told they would. I know it was as difficult for him to handle my uncontrollable temporary mood swings as it was for me, if not harder. I’m far from the perfect partner because of chronic health and sleep issues, but if that is why he no longer wanted to be with me, or if it was another reason, I feel I deserved to be told how he felt in person.
I’m blindsided, devastated, and heartbroken. I don’t understand. And what does using the phrase “indefinite break” mean? Does that mean he’s leaving the door open for coming back to me someday, or is it a euphemism for saying it’s over between us? I can’t stand the thought of not seeing him again, especially because I don’t know why. It hurts so bad! He is a musician who will be performing in several band concerts I planned to attend this summer. On the one hand, I want to go and sit up front so I can at least see him and and not deny myself enjoying the band because I’ve been looking forward to the shows. I wouldn’t approach him because I know he wouldn’t want me to. On the other hand, I know how awkward and uncomfortable it might be.
On a side note, one previous relationship partner did something very similar to me, although that relationship wasn’t as serious as this one. We had a pleasant date the evening before, and the next afternoon he blindsided me with an email saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Is this common break-up behavior?

I’ve never posted on Reddit and am probably too old to😂, but I’ve been on Mounjaro for 5 weeks, lost about 15lbs and am feeling reflective so please forgive me being long winded. What a kick start MJ is to a better lifestyle and fixing a tangled web of issues. I’m obese, have high blood pressure and am on my way to being diabetic. I was active until a foot injury when I became sedentary, put on more weight as a result of not exercising which increased my blood pressure and of course the weight on my foot which hurt to exercise and so the vicious cycle began. Not to mention having a horrible diet and too much alcohol. What a mess. I woke up 2 months ago and made a vow to fix this mess. And what a difference just the step of admitting the mess and starting mounjaro has made. I am in a country where I pay the full price for every injection which is about $400 a month. If I’m going to pay that much I’m bloody well going to do everything I can to make it worth it. MJ has put me in control of my diet and in turn I’m exercising daily, cut out alcohol, losing weight and feeling so light in my life. This spiral of weight and pain and alcohol and lethargy is gone. Together every one of these issues created such a web it was crushing. But feeling the hope and lightness losing 15lbs on MJ brings and knowing it helps control one aspect so I can concentrate on all the others is a blessing. For anyone laboring under the weight of a multitude of issues and wondering if just fixing one can help…it does. Just start the journey.

Hi team!
Just done my second jab of 2.5mg yesterday…feeling good and super glad I started this journey.
Obviously with the first jab I was a bit nervous and it took me a good 5 minutes to actually do it…really psyched myself up and took a good 15 minutes to calm down haha. The needle didn’t hurt at all, and I barely felt it in either location (first stomach, then thigh), but I was surprised I how much I psyched myself out for the second dose yesterday…if anything it took me longer to inject myself than the first dose.
Does anyone have any advice for getting over the mental block of the needle? I’ve never been good with injections or blood tests in general but this is literally painless and I don’t know why I’m being such a baby…I’ve been getting electrolysis for the past year as I’m a PCOS girlie and that effin hurts, but I’m more fine with being stabbed 50 times in the chin than injecting myself and feeling nothing haha.
It’s all in my head but I really don’t want a performance everytime I do this!

Long story short: I have pain with slight pressure (a finger is enough), dentist was unable to find the contact points and lowered my actual teeth by "guessing" instead of the fillings making my whole bite completely misaligned and it hurts.
How difficult is this to fix for another dentist? I don't need to mention that no x-ray has been taken.
At this point I don't care about money I just want this fixed I can't sleep properly.
I went to a dentist after 10 years for mild teeth sensibility, I thought it was for some caries but it all went away after I got my teeth cleaned. Dentist asked me "does it still hurt" I replied "No it doesn't anymore" and he said "well it probably was a little bit of mild gingivitis" and still proceeds to fill my 21 and 19. Those were clearly demineralizations that didn't need fillings, he even said so during the first appointment but changed his mind when he noticed my ignorance.
Bite got uneven and hurts, he tried 6+ times to find the contacts point with the blue paper but wasn't able to do so and decided to "guess". 21 felt kinda okay but he lowered the center of 19 without even fixing the high part.
Next week I went for teeth number 14 that had a cavity, a really small one never experienced pain. He was supposed to fix my bite before that last filling but he didn't care and still injected me the anesthesia and checked after, of course I wasn't able to feel correctly with a numb mouth and he guessed again making 19 even deeper. Then he proceeded to fill 14, same stuff no contact with blue paper so I must be psycho even tho I could already feel the new high part.
My mouth was kinda numb for 2 days, my tongue was slighty paralyzed and he told me it never happened it's impossible.
I went back again because my bite was seriously off at this point, he still couldn't find the malocclusion and even showed me a picture to prove (that was so passive aggressive) that there were no contact points and it's all in my head. At that point he got visibly mad, lowered my teeth and then said "well since the blue paper doesn't show anything I lowered your actual teeth, your cusps, this will increase the likelihood of getting cavities" without even asking me or mentioning it before doing so.
Now my bite is really off, I don't even remember the correct one and the pain is getting worse and spreding to my head.
Edit: forgot to say that I don't drink smoke or clench my teeth at night

Hey all! So I wanted to give a part two since I'm not high now lol, and also I wanted to clear up some things and add in some other details I left out that I just remembered. If you haven't seen the first part of this post then I suggest going to that, otherwise you'll be very confused. Also, I forgot to add this in my first post but DON'T READ if triggered by certain topics like r*ape, SA, murder, abuse, etc. Another thing is, this post is going to be a lot darker and aside from talking about what happened, I'm also looking for advice on my mental state and how to cope. So please read with caution because I'm going to be talking about what happened with B, but also about my past before him and how what happened is affecting my past trauma.
So, I'm not going to retell the whole story but I am going to be bringing up a lot of parts from it and things I didn't realize until after the incident happened. And some of the things I didn't think of until my friend brought it up. So in my first post, I was talking about how B (26M) was REALLY into Jeffrey Dahmer. Well, in the show we watched with Evan Peters, I noticed a lot of things Jeffrey did as well as already knowing a lot about him before watching it. I noticed that B was doing a lot of things similar to him. Now, I forgot to add in this part last time, but B was really 'straight phobic.' Now I'm a bi transman but I don't hate cis / straight people. In fact, a lot of my friends are cis and in straight relationships. For some reason though, he did, to a weird extent. And even though he was being respectful in the beginning, I'm starting to get a feeling he wasn't actually gay or cared about trans people. Because it seems as though ALL of his former partners were transmen. Which isn't that weird I guess, and he did tell me he tried dating a cis man before but it didn't work. After I met him in person he was telling me that he really liked his trans partners to still have sex vaginally and he liked tits. So, I was kind of confused at that. I think what was really going on was that he isn't gay but wanted to be so he could be like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you'll see why later. So another thing is, Jeffrey would always ask his potential victims to go back to his place for drinks and to take photos, particularly sexual ones. Jeffrey would then lace the drinks and go on to do weird things to his victims while taking their pictures. And while I was trapped at his place, B kept pushing alcohol on me, A LOT. So much so, that when I kept refusing he started getting angry. However, once I pretended to take a sip it was like his whole attitude changed. He also kept joking it was laced, like EVERYTIME he offered me some. Even though I didn't actually drink any, like I said in the first post, I still got a few drops on my lips and in my mouth. After that I started to get a headache and was a bit dizzy. Also, he had told me before that he liked to take pictures of his partners in sexual poses while they held his guns. Aside from the guns, that's EXACTLY WHAT JEFFREY WOULD DO. For some reason, I didn't piece any of this together until afterwards. I guess I was too shaken up to think clearly. I said this before as well, but when I first entered his house, it was pitch black and he had black out curtains on EVERY WINDOW in his house. His bedroom, living room, kitchen, I mean his whole house made it seem like it was night outside. Another thing that is eerily similar to Jeffrey, is that B told me before I met him in person he always liked dating someone younger. I, at the time, was nineteen and he was twenty five, about to turn twenty six. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me so have not seen the BIG RED FLAGS in the beginning, but he played it off so well I didn't even notice them until after everything happened. And it isn't like me to go for older guys, I usually try to go for someone two years older or younger than me, as I don't like have a huge age gap between me and my partner. Anyway though, Jeffrey always went for younger guys, as well as sometimes KIDS. So, that's another thing similar between them, as well as the fact that B told me he was into little brother play. Where he makes his partners act like a younger brother during sex, etc. He also told me he liked for his partners to SUCK ON BINKIES. BRUHHHH, no thanks bro, I'm good. See, if it was just one of these things that he liked / was into, then I guess it would be normal. Just a guy into a weird ass kink, but all these things combined just did not sit right with me as well as how he was acting. Now, I said in my other post that basically the ENTIRE TIME I was with him, he had a weird ass expression on his face that made me uncomfortable. I wish I could explain better, but it was like constipated / confused look, like Edward from Twilight when he does those weird facial expressions. His brows were always furrowed and he looked like he was uncomfortable / anxious the whole time. He was being super sketchy. His body language was just really off-putting and made me feel weird. And the thing he kept ranting about the most was how Jeffrey Dahmer was misunderstood and just needed someone to be there for him, and then maybe he wouldn't have killed people. The thing that scared me the most was how he said he felt the same way, that he wished he could just have someone not leave him and how he had trust issues after his former partners. Especially the one I mentioned in the last post, about how his ex partner before me snuck out in the middle of the night and got his family to come get him. His family lived across the country, so it had to have been pretty bad for his ex to call his parents and tell them to come get him. Because they drove across multiple different states to come pick him up in the middle of the night so he could sneak away. I have a major feeling that B left out a lot of their fight and why his ex actually left. Not to mention while I was with him, he watched every move I made and wouldn't let me get on my phone without him seeing what I was doing / texting to people. I have a feeling if he thought I was trying to leave him he would've done something bad. Just like Jeffrey. Jeffrey wouldn't always hurt his victims (Not at first anyway) it was always when they said they had to leave that he would get angry and force them to stay. So, idk man, I could've been killed or worse. Also, I know I said I could've been killed or worse, and some of you are probably thinking what's worse than being killed? Well, to me, a lot of things he could've done would have been worse. Especially if he was trying to be like Dahmer, then I could've gotten acid injected into my brain or been r*aped. Which is exactly what I think he was trying to do, with how much alcohol he was trying to push on me. He also kept 'petting' me and touching my thighs while he told me all the ways he'd kill me 'if he was a serial killer.' I genuinely think that something bad would've happened if I didn't have one HELL of an excuse to leave. Because honestly, my mom couldn't have given a better excuse for me to go that also sounded real and not like a lie. Because, like I said before, I had told him before I met him that my mother had health issues and was always in and out of the hospital, so it was perfect that she used that as an excuse. He got really cold and wasn't speaking to me when he heard my phone call and that I had to leave, but I think if I would've tried to leave without that excuse or by giving him an obvious lie, then I might not be here. I'm also super grateful to my best friends who let me come to their place and stay late instead of going home. Me and my best friend, basically my sister, have talked about this a lot since it happened and every time we do, we try to rationalize why someone would act like that, other than being an actual serial killer / r*pist. But we can never think of a reason besides the fact that he simply is what he seems like. A really unhinged person who could've hurt me badly. Also, this was my FIRST TRUE experience in online dating and I honestly think I'm never going to try that again. I've run into so many creeps trying to date online, AND in real life. Most people who aren't trans probably don't realize or know this, but there are a lot of men that want to do really weird and fucked up things to trans people because I guess they think we are some mutant or something, or 'the best of both worlds.' I've run into them a lot, and when I met B, I thought that was over. I thought I had met an actual good person who was educated on trans topics and was respectful of my boundaries and my body. Nope. Now I'm starting to think dating, at least where I live now, is almost impossible and I think I'm going to be alone for awhile. :') Not to mention, I'm now traumatized after what happened with B, and I already had trouble trusting men, and just people in general. Before meeting him I have already been SAed before, multiple times. I guess I'm simply asking for advice on how to move on from something like this. I was trying, and doing kind of ok, moving on from things that had happened before I met B, but now after what happened with him I feel like I'm back sliding and it's making me relive all my past traumas. I basically trust no one, when it comes to sexual things, besides my two best friends I've known since childhood. I tend to over sexualize everything, even things that aren't sexual at all, and get scared around ANYONE, even family members, who I know deep down don't see me like that. I was also abused as a kid and wasn't able to get out of it until I was eighteen, and I've only just turned twenty now, so it wasn't even until two years ago I was still being abused. I feel I've fallen into the dark again and my panic attacks have gotten worse again. I feel depressed and I didn't realize until recently that I'm suicidal again. I didn't realize it until recently, because when I was younger and suicidal, I knew I was. I've tried unaliving myself before so I didn't think about it because I don't feel that way now. It's different this time. Instead of my thoughts directly wanting me to pull out a gun and, ya know, this time it's more subtle and more of a subconscious action. Like closing my eyes for a few seconds while driving. Or intrusive thoughts about ramming head first into the car in the other lane. Or going hiking and thinking of what it would feel like to step off the cliff. I'm honestly just tired. I feel like every person I meet has some kind of ulterior motive, whatever it is. I'm working at a really nice job but it seems like every time I save up money and am doing good for my future, I have to use it on something unexpected that pops into my life. I'm living with my grandparents for now because they said they weren't going to charge me rent, and I'm super grateful for that, but even still I can't keep money and I kind of just don't see my future anymore. Both my parents were drug addicts, my mother to pain pills then xans after that, my father was mainly an alcoholic but also did meth, pills, and other things. It doesn't help because when I was younger, around my early teen years (13-16) I started smoking cigs when I was 12, then I started smoking weed, which I still do, but then it got worse and I've tried xans, snorting pills I didn't even know what they were, drinking, and I've even done shrooms and LSD. I've also had some really bad trips on LSD that made my severe panic disorder worse and after that I now disassociate a lot too and have trouble knowing if I'm in reality while having a panic attack. And after what happened with B, his house and the smell (Cigs and booze) just reminded me what it was like living with my parents in that crack house looking trailer. It's like my brain won't let me let go of the past and move on. It's like I'm constantly stuck there still. And aside from dating, it's also super hard to meet people as friends where I live. I love my two best friends, one of which has been with me since we were basically fetuses and her parents and mine were friends, so her parents were also abusive drug addicts. It's nice to have someone so close and how we can relate to what we went through. We joke that we were traumatized by our parents, but also by each other's parents as well lol. Even though I'm grateful for them, you never know what's going to happen in the future and I don't want to be solely dependent on them and be able to make new friends, but I just can't. I feel so alone, and my friend I grew up with has been moved out a lot longer than me and has had time to heal, and I don't wanna keep dumping my mental problems on her because it's unfair to her. I feel like I'm just bringing her back to our past with me. When I moved out, I completely cut ties with my father, I don't even like calling him that, as he was the first person to SA me and he is, in general, and evil person. I try to think that evil people don't exist, but then I think of him and I realize they do. My mom though, is a good person when she isn't on anything. Recently though, I blocked her and haven't talked to her in over a month because she OD again on xans and amphetamines. I kind of realized recently that she is almost as bad as my father, even though I never wanted to admit that to myself. Because when I was younger, I admitted to her that he had SAed me and she kept pressuring me to tell her what happened, like, IN DETAIL. I told her no because I didn't want to relive it and think about it, even now I have a lot of repressed memories. And because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what happened, she doesn't believe. I think she does, deep down, but she doesn't want it to be real. And after her OD last month, she tried telling me she didn't and that it was just her BLOOD PRESSURE. LIKE OH MY GOD BITCH, WHY DO YOU LIE? She must think I'm stupid or something. Before I blocked her, I cussed her out over text and said something like "Who do you think was the first person at the hospital? Not grandma, not your husband, ME. I've always been there for you first. Who do you think told me you had OD? The doctors when I first got there!" And she still denies it, even though when me and my friend got the hospital she was lying there naked (they had to cut her clothes off to save her) with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. I've tried helping her my whole life but apparently she doesn't want help. So now I've gotten tired of her BS and I blocked her and now my grandma is pressuring me to talking to her, luckily though, my grandpa went through something similar as a kid and understands how it is so he isn't guilt tripping me into talking with her. I'm just tired of having to put into traumatic situations. My mental health just keeps getting worse. Somehow, trauma always finds me and nowadays, it seems my only friends are my demons. It used to not be like this, but now even when I'm with my two closest friends, I still feel lonely. Like they are reminding me that when I leave my friends, I'm alone again. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this, but I kind of just started ranting, sorry for that.
Also, to clear some things up, no I don't use drugs, not anymore. I've never really been an addict at all in my life, somehow. I just did drugs because I wanted to escape when I was younger, and thankfully I never got addicted to any of them. Not like you can get addicted to LSD or shrooms anyway. The only thing I've got addicted to was cigarettes, which rn, is the least of my concerns. And as for weed, I used to be a major stoner but it started making my panic attacks worse so I stopped for a few years, cold turkey, and only recently started smoking it again. So, I'm not worried about weed and if anything, it's been helping now. Especially since I don't smoke it nearly as much as I used to. So, for those worried about me being or getting on drugs, don't worry I'm fine. I have made a clear boundary for myself to never do anything besides smoking my cigs and weed. Cause I've seen how drugs affect my parents and others I've known and I've sworn to myself that I won't become them. It also sucks though because I see psychedelics as something that can help a lot of people with trauma, and the first shrooms trip I ever did changed my life for the better. Now though, after my bad LSD trip, I don't know if I can every do them again. Maybe one day, but not for the foreseeable furture. Again, sorry for going on a rant. I'll probably post this to another subreddit and see if anyone can help. I'm not looking for therapy as I don't have the money or health insurance. Just looking for someone who can relate that has been able to move past similar things and find happiness. If you've read this far, thank you. Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that someone would read about another person's problems and life experience. I hope whoever is reading this is having a great day / night wherever you are, and are living your best life. And for those reading that are going through a similar situation right now and can't get out, I promise you aren't alone. I haven't really gotten better, so I can't say things get better, but I can say it DOES get easier. All I can say is, you aren't alone in it. There are others, like me, who know your pain. Keep living, it'll be worth it. Even though I'm not doing my best and my mental problems are still with me, that doesn't mean it's all been bad. I've made a lot of amazing memories after I moved out. Keep going.

How long do the horrible stomach aches last. I almost feel sick. I feel so horrible and I can’t function beyond the most basic life supporting tasks, I can’t even drive like this. Been on this since August for weight loss, non-diabetic. I am at 2 milligram and have been at this dose for three or four weeks. I have had a riproaring upset stomach yesterday and about every other day since Monday. Yesterday was by far the worst. I actually took narcotic pain relievers because the pain was so bad. Today it’s not as bad but I’m still so miserable. Working with small doses of THC to help my stomach not feel so bad. This is injection day for me and I am definitely skipping till my stomach distress passes. I said in another thread that I’m pretty sure it’s my supplements that may have been destroying my stomach, three of them are enteric coated and I have to take them. I’m wondering if the slowed emptying lets them stay in my stomach and hurt it? I skipped everything but what I absolutely have to take. And I’m still miserable again not as bad as yesterday but so horrible. How long after stopping injections does the pain go away? I think I understand that 2 is not my dose at all. Going back down to 1.5 or 1.75, and nothing till my stomach resolves.

My mother had been ill for my entire life. Lots of chronic illness and things they couldn't quite pin down to an exact cause, but were nonetheless there. She had cancer twice in my life, and that was the easy stuff compared to this. My parents didn't get along and were separated. When I was around 10~ she made a deal with my dad. She would get back with him on the condition he helped raise my sister and I.
Well, to say the least, he was still a pretty shitty person. I don't think he has a bad heart, but he certainly is not upto the task of taking care of other human beings. Taking care of my mother essentially got sicced off to my sister and I. She would have grand-mal seizures, blood pool in her legs and come out off blisters that would develop all black, have these weird age regression episodes and all sorts of other medical disasters. She was extremely narcoleptic between when I was about 10 and 16 (this is when she had the regression things too). She also had a rare condition called Addison's which means she couldn't really control her emotional responses and didn't produce the proper hormones. So when my dad would be a dick it'd put her into shock and she'd start turning blue. When this happened you'd have to give her a solu-cortef emergency injection to bring her back into a state of not dying from shock.
My dad was of course clueless and left this all up to my sister and I when we were adolescents, pre-teens and teenagers. I had severe social anxiety my entire life and stunted social development. My mom advocated to put me into home-school after 7th grade since she thought I might do something drastic. I was in home school until we moved to be with my dad as well because of it. She was always my strongest advocate and understood me like no one else on the planet did.
Anyways, to continue her little story. I got sent off to a specialty clinic thousands of miles away with her. Just her and I no one else when I was 14. I lived in a hotel for about a year and then in an apartment near the clinic after that for another year with her. Taking care of her when she could barely move. There was a good half dozen times she was on the brink of death and we barely scrapped by. There was times her heart literally stopped or she completely ceased breathing only to be resuscitated. She would forget who I was for days at a time and regress to being a teenager. She would think I was her brother who molested her when she was little and get moderately violent or irritable towards me (understandably, from her perspective. I do not hold it against her at all). In her times of lucidity she begged me to return to my home with my father. She forced me since she thought she'd really hurt me and my bestfriends father (not even my own father) drove all the way down and picked me up. He drove me thousands of miles all the way back. My dad sent my sister out to take care of her instead for the last year (of 3 she spent down there).
Well, eventually she and my sister came back. I started working at 16 pretty much right after I got home because university was certainly not in the cards economically anymore. When they returned my mom was functional enough to live somewhat normally. She was permanently immune-compromised and prone to fatigue so she was really in no state to work or anything of that sort, but my dad essentially forced her to start working after a few years. He refused to help fix her car (which had just been sitting in the garage rotting away while she had been sick all this time) and would get rough with my sister and I. This would upset my mom so much every-time that she would need her emergency injection or go into seizures. Sometimes he would pin her down or push her down and I would have to fight him off of her and this would make him more and more upset.
My sister left and ex-communicated him. So it was just my mom and I. She secretly stashed away some of her money and came up with a little plot to escape from my dad. Hired a traveling mechanic to fix her car, got extra money from her brother who she barely talked to in years because of history from their childhood. It was a whole situation. She was working in home care for elderly people and turns out one of my dad's childhood friends was on disability. So she took him in so she could take care of him in the comfort of our own home. Less stress, easier, etc.... My dad was naturally pissed for reasons only god knows for her being able to fix her car.
Anyways she finally had enough money. Her and chuck hatched an idea that she takes care of him, she gets paid, and I help with the rest of the apartment cost. I chose last second to stay with my dad. The rationale was I've seen my father have suicidal episodes and knew he was deeply troubled and not fit for the world. He is very old fashioned, only worked for his family, retired at 44 (and then went destitute because the medical debt). I mean this dude can not use a phone to save his life.... He has never written a resume because he never had to. He alienates everyone he has ever known because his ego does not match his status because of our families legacy. He thinks he is some brilliant person that knows all and is infallible no matter what. If you even challenge him he gets violently upset and angry. BUT I still was worried about him. So I stayed with him because I knew he'd be screwed alone.
My mother is much smarter than him.... So I thought she'd be okay with the situation. She was still Ill but I think I was blind to it. Having experienced it my entire life..... So I didn't go with her. Because of her fragile constitution even before she left she had a hip that had broken (and fused back together, without her even knowing), several broken ribs that had done the same, broken knee and a collapsed lung. She also got / had constant shingles because her immune system just couldn't stop it.
Anywho. My mom had been having a rough time after 5 or so months... Seemed the guy she was taking care of was running her super ragged and she was getting super worn down. Due to my stunted development I couldn't drive and my dad was no help there either. He just cash cowed me for my work money like he did to my mother. I was trying to save for a car and driving classes (I'm 24) so I could get a car and visit my mom and help her.
I finally had the resolve... enough of my dad... to admit to her that I should have gone with her. We decided I'd get a car and we would move in together just her and I. Go someplace far away and the rest would be history. She was going to be fine. I was going to be fine. I missed her dearly. When she was gone for 10 months I only saw her face twice when she dropped by. She would hug me and tell me how much she loved and misses me. She absolutely didn't want to see my dads face so I couldn't get him to bring me to where she lived. She didn't want him to know where she was in general.
She was dead less than 48 hours after we had that phone call. She overdosed on her pain medication she had taken for 20+ years while in the ICU (she was in the ICU a lot). The last person she talked to was my grandmother saying she felt like she couldn't breathe and is suffocating. I think it was an accident but I'll never know.
I know the guy she was taking care of was abusing her and that is when I decided that we should move in together. About a week before she died he shit on her carpet and would drag a bunch of homeless people into their apartment and do drugs while she was in the hospital. She kept putting him into rehab and he kept just leaving and coming back. It turns out he fakes a lot of his disability so the government helps him and so he can push people around and is just a drug addict asshole. Last conversation I ever had with her was like 36 hours before she died she asked to borrow money for her phone bill. I of course gave it to her.
After she died and we got the news, by the time we got to her apartment for her belongings everything was taken. Her safe was broken into. The entire place was desecrated and destroyed and looted. Her phone, cards, wallet, purse, car... everything gone. Luckily they left most of the sentimental stuff. There was only 2 people that could have robbed her and the police just kinda don't care.
My dad has been heartless about the whole thing. He doesn't seem to care that much and has been pushing me around harder than ever. Asking me for super large rent payments to live in his house when I told him I need to get a car. It's like he wants me to be imprisoned to him like he imprisoned my mother. Since if I leave he will be absolutely alone. I pay for anything he asks me to already. Thousands of dollars. I didn't mind helping.
I hurt so much inside, since if I went with my mom... chances are she would still be alive right now. She wouldn't have to stress herself nearly as bad ending up in the ICU... getting out and going back to work and repeating. She was always so sick her ending up in the ICU didn't even set off my mental alarms. I would have never known she was so close to death.
She was truly the closest person to me in the entire world. Not a single person was ever more important to me. She made me who I am. She was the only person I saw as not only my parent but an emotional confident. She advocated for me my entire life. She understood me. She in spite of all her own trouble was my rock and my comfort. I loved her with all my heart and I grieve her loss with that and more.
I fear for all the times only her and I shared. Only I have those memories now. I worry about the slow sands of time warping my memories and thoughts. I can never ask her "is that how you remember that". I can never ask her what she thinks of something or for her wisdom. So much of my life just with her it's like it never existed since it only exists within me now. I can never be assured the voice in my head matches her voice in life. I can never be sure she didn't die in loneliness because I didn't make a good enough effort to visit her by my own means.
She was only 48. The idea I'll have lived exactly half my life without her when I reach her age is scary to me. Even more frightening yet is the idea that once I'm old I'll have lived only a fraction of my life with her. She will fade in my memory into the distant past; a nostalgia. I fear becoming someone she wouldn't recognize. I fear every day I have to continue to live without her. When I see the blue skies I think about how it's a blue sky she will never have seen. When I see a TV show I think she would have liked it hurts me to think that I'll never know for sure. It devastates me all the questions I didn't ask her that I'll never know the answer to. What flowers did you enjoy mom?
I wish I would have been less frugal and done more for holidays and her birthday. I so desperately wish for even one hour to talk to her about all this in a final parting.
And what makes me feel just a little better? She had mostly online friends. A self proclaimed recluse. She was very much like me and shy herself. Introverted and just interested in what she was interested in without a care in the world. A lot of her friends have messaged me and other people from throughout our lives telling me how much I resemble her. Not only her physical likeness but in personality. She of course would say this to me herself when she was alive. It comforts me in a weird way to know that I'm so much like her, that I am truly in every way her son, that if I like or dislike something I can say with some confidence she probably feels the same. In a way I feel like I can really experience the things she wanted to do for her. This is the only thing that drives me forward right now. I had been incredibly suicidal until I made this realization.
It also comforts me to know how much people cared for her even when she was in her own world away from the world. When people tell me I have her kind heart and gentle soul I realize that those are qualities they saw in her and respected. And I feel great pride that people would see her in me because I loved her so dearly.
Finding meaning without the person you cared for more than anything is truly a Sisyphean task.
Love you forever and ever mom, I'll never forget you. I'll forever be your little pessimist!

I (27F) have an older brother, 33M. We didn't get along very much as kids due to the age gap, not for my lack of trying. I never really understood why my brother didn't really like spending time with me, because he was one of my favorite people in the world, despite all his bullying.
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.

I am new to the whole ON and the stretches my physical therapy gave me don't eork bc they don't know i have it yet. Going monday to get diagnosed...yes i know i have it. Does anyone have any stretches that help for pain? I have pain from left hand through the whole arm, my nerve in my left arm is like sticking near the skin basically and feel it through my armpit going to my neck. idk what to do to fix it bc it hurts. My entire back hurts so bad and i have a xouple naproxen to get me to monday but the pain in my neck n head too. scared to go to chiropractor bc someone told me the chiropractor canmess your neck up even more and cause u to have a stroke but my posture is bad and needs realigned so idk what ehat to do. have heard can get infections from spine injections from nerve blockers or whatever. my eyes hurt idk what to do obviously see the doc. sorry i need to chill w the posts im just scared this condition is going to be the death of me ...i guess i just need some stretches..🥲 anyone know of any good ones especially for my inner bicep, inner arm, whole upper back and neck ...

I’m gay man and my last potential was 10 weeks ago, 4th gen negative result came out yesterday. However, 2 days ago when I went to city health center, I saw blood there in the sink. Washed my hands there, after being on the bus way back home, I was just checking my body and I saw a bug bited thing on my arm, one side only. Would somebody inject me using needle? Does it look like it’s been poked? I never felt hurt tho. Should I see a psychiatrist? If I didn’t feel it, then I don’t make assumptions right?

Hi, my first anxious post, please be patient with me! I have had dental trauma from an inexperienced dentist who extracted my front tooth and installed an implant immediately. The dental implant was not fully in the bone which resulted in more bone loss.
A periodontist removed the implant and did a bone graft, and 4 months later, installed the new implant and added a bit more bone at the same time. Generally, my gums in front usually heals fast and does not swell up as much as the bottom gums, but I seem to get pretty puffy at the bottom these two times (close to the hard palate)
(1) Is this normal, is it because of the LA injection? During removal, it was quite puffy and it took months to go down. It’s even puffier this time round, and I am super anxious. How long is too long to be puffy?
There’s no pain, I have gone for a review a week after my dental implant surgery to remove stitches and I was told it’s healing well though I am still quite puffy.
(2) I am 10 days post surgery now, and have somehow caught a cold with a bad cough. Will coughing hard dislodge or shift my implant/bone graft?
I have had many dental issues my whole life and have had an infection that did not hurt at all. I just feel like luck isn’t on my side which does not help my anxiety, though the periodontist is very experienced and was very meticulous.
(3) How do I know for sure if something is wrong during recovery?

im supposed to be 8 weeks on T as of yesterday. i missed last weeks shot, and i missed yesterdays shot. im doing intramuscular 100ml/mg in my thigh. my boyfriend helps me by actually sticking me, and i push the test. but last week i just couldn’t fucking do it, it was my 2nd 100mg shot and as the days went on i just felt worse and worse physically. my period came back on the 2nd or 3rd late day. i’ve tried everything. i even got shot blockers, the plastic thing. i tried icing it, i tried getting high out of my mind (which doesn’t even fucking work because i get so TERRIFIED i feel sober), i tried putting heating pad on the area beforehand. for my first 6 or so shots i would bite my knuckles really hard and then inject, but i have hypotension that is triggered by my anxiety (i got diagnosed with it specifically because i pass out when getting my blood drawn if i’m sitting up). so when i would push the test, i would almost faint.
i tried music, i tried watching videos of my cat, watching videos of my favorite internet cats. watching twitch streams, watching youtube videos, listening to my favorite songs. i NEED to do this fucking shot. my doses were 25mg first two weeks, 50mg 3rd and 4th weeks, and then 5th week 100mg. my body is missing out on 200mg of test and i can feel the effect it’s having on me . it’s not good.
weeks 1-6 were fine for the most part, i could get it done at least. me and my bf have spent at least 10 hours within the past two weeks trying to do my shot. i got close this time, after two hours. but he kept yapping while i was trying to get back to “base level” aka lock in and calm the fuck down, so i just couldn’t do it past a certain point. i get so terrified. i know it doesn’t hurt. i literally know what it feels like i just can’t fucking do it . i will tell him, “do it” and he will do the Z track with the shot blocker and as soon as he tells me when he’s about to stick me, this TERROR grips me and i have to tell him to stop because i start tweaking. im considering asking my mom if i can just go to her house and inject there so i can hold her hand , just to see if it would work (mind you i don’t even really talk to her ).
i cried this time because i feel so fucking stupid. im fucking up my own hormone levels because im being a pussy about a little metal stick. im not even afraid of needles, i just hate watching them go into skin so whenever my bf sticks me, i look away. now i just can’t do it. i need to do it tomorrow, i have a 30 minute window between me and my bf’s work shifts. please, does anyone have any advice? i am going to get an auto injector, if anyone has any good recs that work for IM thigh and 1ml syringes, please lmk.
has anyone felt the terror im speaking of? this is more than a mental block for me. i’ve tried thinking of it in every single way i can imagine. “you’re taking this shot so kitty doesn’t have to take it. kitty takes it well but it still hurts him, and i don’t want kitty to hurt.” “if you do this then you get to preform sexual act on my bf that i’ve yearned for” “if you don’t do this then your whole family dies” “if you do this then bf will give you mind boggling head as a reward” like I AM OUT OF MENTAL APPROACHES .
please please help me
EDIT!! thank you guys for all the advice, im going to try again tonight. problem with switching to gel: i have 10 vials of cypionate 200mg/ml in my possession, and insurance will not cover gel until i “finish” the cypionate. good news though, they’re billed as single use vials. so technically once i hit 12 weeks on T, i can ask to switch to gel if need be.
yes i have tried closing my eyes, laying down, icing my skin, biting myself, putting a blanket over my head, doing it as part of my “daily routine”, playing music, watching movies/shows etc. i even looked at steroids for crying out loud lmao . i’ve been trying!!
i might switch to subq, i would have started with subq but i was very underweight (still am) and even my doctor said that it would be difficult for me. i’ve gained some weight now and im running low on injection supplies so yk.
i use 23g injection needles and 18g draw needles iirc.

I (25F) played college hockey and ruined my senior season (Fall 2019) by tearing my hip labrum during a game. They diagnosed me with an anterior superior labrum tear and bilateral hip dysplasia from an X-Ray/MRI (I didn’t react to the FADIR test). After I was diagnosed I started PT and did the hip injection (can’t remember the name) and it didn’t do anything for me. I did more formal PT and before I could see the surgeon COVID hit and everything was shut down. My pain was mostly manageable until 2022 when I decided to try PT again and see a different surgeon. PT didn’t do anything for me and since it had already been 3 years post injury at this point, my surgeon said the tear wasn’t going to heal itself and surgery was the only option at this point. I was told it was a 4 month recovery and I couldn’t take 4 months off work for that, so I put it off. Within the last week I got a massage and it must have irritated something because my hip hasn’t hurt this bad in years, I think the massage relaxed all the muscles that have been overcompensating for my hip in my lower back and legs. I’m only 25 and in so much pain, I can’t imagine how much worse it will be as ai age so I think it’s time to get the surgery since no amount of time or PT is fixing it.
I have so many questions and don’t even know where to start with the surgeon, so I am curious to hear other people’s experiences and advice. How long does recovery take? What are other people’s results from a combined labrum tear and dysplasia because they are constantly working against one another? If anyone has some stretches they can share that alleviate the pain temporarily that would be much appreciated, I remember my PT exercises but not so much the actual stretches for relief. I’m also curious if there seems to be a difference with traumatic sports injuries versus other types of labrum tears that progress over time?

Hello, I am a 27F who was previously very athletic and into heavy weightlifting. Symptoms started in 2021 and fast forward to now and I can’t weight lift, can barely do my work so relying mainly on my partner, and basically feeling like I’m falling apart.
Family history

• Grandmother has severe RA

Medicines:

• Norethindrone birth control, imitrex/sumatriptan, Allegra, just started taking quercetin, tumeric, vitamin D + K, and magnesium. Was on 40mg of prednisone for about a month and recently finished a fast taper last week.

Prior to 2021

• Always had some form of feeling sick when stressed, grandma with RA said she faced similar symptoms when she was younger
• Dealt with radiating pain in right leg (pinched nerve feeling), low back pain here and there which I thought was due to weak erector spinae and imbalance due to scoliosis because once I started weight training back aching went away

2021

• May: Overworked at job and developed severe debilating joint pain. Couldn’t even lift 10lbs and starting limping because knee was hurting so badly. Saw a primary care who ran blood tests (C reactive, RF, and anti-ccp) all came back normal so the doc brushed it off thinking it was just my body’s response to stress and because I’m young I’m probably fine. Quit my job and 3 months later went back to feeling normal. Took x-rays of knees, hips and shoulders. Sports medicine doc said knees showed some wear and tear, shoulder showed more wear and tear from overuse injury and called it osteoarthritis in the shoulders, hips were slightly uneven but nothing too remarkable
• Nov: got COVID that resulted in lost of smell and taste, hair loss, pretty bad brain fog, etc.

2022

• July: Covid again, but mild and still have memory issues
• August: Joint pain and feeling of overtraining without working out started appearing (would appear in cycles/phases where I would suddenly not be able to workout and then be fine for a month then back to not feeling well for the rest of 2022)
• Sudden major mood swings (which later found out linked to high cortisol levels), migraines becoming more frequent but still manageable, increased heart rate randomly while at rest, frequent dizzy spells (I would need to sit down sometimes) but always felt like in some form of lightheaded or dizzy state and just learned to adjust as my new “normal”
• Nov- Jan (’23) Severe unknown respiratory virus that lead to bell’s palsy (recovered now), found enlarged pituitary on MRI when looking at the bells palsy as well as herniated disc with nerve compression in neck (which now explained the constant pain in shoulders on top of overuse injury)
• Sometime in 2022 I started having some back pain but it was different than what I’d previously experienced. Pain in shoulders started flaring again as well

2023

• Jan-March: Tested high on cortisol multiple times and high ACTH once, looked into Cushing’s diagnosis from here until Feb 2024
• May: Covid pretty bad for a third time. I had a high fever, severe body aches, etc. Saw Endoniologist but was moving so they advised I continued care at my next location
• June/July: started to feel better and hoped it was just my body recovering from the 4 viruses
• September: symptoms appeared again, migraine frequency now increasing to a couple times a month
• Oct: overtraining feeling getting worse, at this point I was not working out as often due to the previous times I wasn’t feeling good I adjusted my training to only a few times a week if that.
• December: Migraine has increased to once a week, did not experience any period of feeling better like I did in 2022 where I had phases of feeling better.
  • Saw a new sports medicine doctor for radiating leg pain. Also noted I was feeling spine pain (not muscle but pain in my spine). X-ray didn’t show much so they ordered an MRI and found “L5-S1 mild degenerative disc diseases with small left suarticular zone/foraminal disc protrusion without nerve root compression” even though it stated no nerve compression the doc believed it was still most likely the cause of my leg pain and did a steroid injection in the SI joint which helped for a month but couldn’t explain some of the spine pain I was having. MRI also found “mild joint arthropathy” in L3-L4, “mild hypertrophic facet joint arthropathy” in L4-L5, “left subarticular zone disc protrusion with left foramina extension superimposed on mild diffuse disc bulge. Mild narrowing of the left lateral recess. Mild facet joint arthropathy” in L5-S1.

2024

• Jan: Migraines increase to 2-3 times a week so started on triptans as doc thought it was the same migraines not fully going away. First triptan didn’t really work so started a second one (sumatriptan) and migraine would still last for 2 days (took one pill first day and would help but next day still lingered so would take a second dose and then it would go away). Working out has now changed to be bare minimum (light weight machines)
• Feb: Tested high cortisol again on blood (42, end limit 19), and one salivary cortisol came back high, low vitamin D and increased A1C from October. Referred to endocrinologist again. Endocrinologist PA said severity of symptoms wouldn’t be cushings. Did a dexamethasone test which came back normal and suggested I see Rheumatologist for possible seronegative RA (I didn’t tell the endocrinologist about my previous RA check so when they mentioned if I had heard of RA and I told them I tried testing and it came back negative they then told me about seronegative RA)
• March: Joint symptoms and feeling of overtraining severely increased. Stopped being able to lift weights including machines. Tried to still play volleyball but can barely play. Joint pain now prominent in fingers, wrist and elbows, on top of knees and shoulder pain. Low spine very noticeably in pain. (Not muscular pain, literally pain on the spine). Morning stiffness has increased, back would sometimes feel “stuck” and fingers would ache pretty bad. Weather was also very cold and snowing while randomly switching to 70s and back to snowing which did not help. Migraines calmed down to 2 times a month.
• April: Saw NP at rheumatology who ordered tests and leaning towards RA or AS, more so AS. Placed on high dose of prednisone. Started with 20mg but didn’t help so increased to 40mg which helped (not completely but did notice a difference). On prednisone for about a month (into May). NP took x-rays of hands, hip and feet and said they looked normal. Ordered blood tests which got delayed a month (just received them will note below)
• May/now: Just finished prednisone (was a fast taper from 40 to 30, 20,10,5,5,5) and feeling the pain in my back come back as well as my fingers, elbows, etc. Migraine also came back a lot worse, had a three day long strong migraine that didn’t respond to sumatriptan and had to go to urgent care for a shot. The shot got rid of the migraine for a few days but feeling another one coming back less than a week later.
  • Got MRI with contrast of the pelvic and found “mild pubic symphyseal arthritis with osteophytic ridging and mild degenerative marrow signal change” and again the L5-S1 spondylosis
  • Due to the messed up labs, I had to get my blood drawn for these test while on 40mg on predinose. These were the notable results: High white blood cell count (11.8 x10 3/UL, reference range 3.8-10.8 x 10 3/UL), Low neutrophils (32%, reference range 42-75%), High lymphocytes (65%, reference range 16-52%), High lympocytes (7.7 x 10 3/UL, reference range 1.2-3.4 x 10 3/UL), Low Carbon Dioxide level (23 nmol/L, reference range 24-33 nmol/L). Rheumatoid factor was normal ( <9 IU/ml, reference range 0-12 IU/ml), C-reactive protein extended range was normal (<0.03 mg/dL, reference range 0-0.5 mg/dL). Erythrocyte sedimentation rate normal (4 mm/Hr, reference range 0-19 mm/Hr). Anti-CCP normal (<16 units, reference range <20 negative). My anti-ccp in 2021 was 3 so while it’s still within normal range it did increase. Hep A antibody abnormal (reactive, however I’m pretty sure I received the Hep A vaccine). I also came back negative for the AS gene.
  • I feel like having my tests done while on 40mg of prednisone affected my results in a negative way but I’m not sure if it actually affects them or not

Any insights are greatly appreciated as my symptoms are getting noticeably worse with no answers.

Here we are again in the shit stew that is the Fallowveil trailer park. We’ve got soul eating strippers, jobs that kill us, and plenty of weirdos, both the trailer trash and the potentially paranormal variety. It’s the place where even your own computer sometimes threatens to kill you. I can’t tell if I should be worried, or annoyed that all my neighbors have such irresponsible web habits. I know it’s not me that brings in all these machine wiping viruses.
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part of me never shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse

I recently got a new gauge (29 instead of 25) and the first time i did it, it was 0 pain vs 25 which was not horrible but decently substantial. I thought 'shit, i finally dont have to deal with this pain anymore'... Then, the next time, it hurt. And again. And now, 4+ times later, its still consistently hurting when I inject. So... I'm curious, does anyone have any ideas on what I could be doing wrong? For some assorted thoughts:
I use an auto injector but i dont know if im pressing down hard enough the whole time (a light comes on when its pushed down but sometimes i realize its a little dimmer than it should be). I also havent been the best with hydration lately which im thinking may have something to do with it? And finally, with my leg itself, i usually 'relax it' but im wondering if more 'firm and in a 90 degree angle (sitting up) would be better.
Any thoughts are appreciated as the pain is making it much harder to inject and i KNOW it shouldnt be this painful since the first time with the new gauge i felt barely anything.