Stories literorica

My secret confession. I do deliveries. I'm out and about all day driving and my thoughts and listening to Literorica audio stories and masturbation audios keep me hard ALL DAY! I find it very hot that I can be at a stop light or somewhere and the unsuspecting woman next to me has no idea my cock is rock hard and sometimes leaking. Or that these places I go in and out of making eye contact with women knowing my cock is half mast is such a turn on. It feels so HOT that my cock stays in a rigid state most all day. So next time your at a stop light or in a parking lot, and you look over and see someone who may do deliveries, that could be me and a very naughty mind and hard cock is just inside that vehicle.

I’m saying this because I haven’t been completely open with what I’ve told you. I’ve painted my wife to be the bad person unintentionally; to be arguing and blowing up stuff BECAUSE of me being trans and that’s not true. Please bare with me.
I’m going to rewind to around 5 years ago; I had been married for nearly a year. Had dropped out of a university course and working minimum wage and minimum hours. I spent a lot of time on my own in this shop; some days I could see a 10 hour shift, at the desk, without a single customer. So of course, my internet browsing and social media browsing sometimes strayed into oddness.
I came across the term ‘Femboy’, and while I knew about lgbt having identified as a bisexual male, I knew nothing about this term and get intrigued as I understood it to be a feminine boy or man. Anyone that knew me growing up knew I embraced feminine qualities and didn’t necessarily fit ‘masc’ norms, and it was something I got intrigued by and I researched. This research included finding photos, videos, pornography, fiction and non fiction stories from people who identify as Femboy. I later came to associate, link and see this term as ‘transgender’.
I grew up in a house and environment where men that wore womens clothing were perverse, disgusting, predatory, shameful. So being so intrigued in this, feeling like I wanted to try this and be this, I felt like I needed to hide at all costs. A time that stands out for me is going to a pub with my dad, or knowing it was a gay bar, and having a 6”6 transvestite hitting on him, who he now refers to ‘frankenfrock”.
I got sucked deeper into the wormhole and became enamoured with peoples stories, trans ladies, men who are feminised, men who ‘aren’t really men and need to be put in place’ and I kept relating things to myself.
I had never felt confident in who I was; I’d attributed that to just being ugly or socially awkward and unable to feel confident or comfortable in social settings.
I used online forums. I used Reddit, I used an online chat group called Line. On line, we were a mix match of different people snd no one had the same views, upbringing, experience. It was an ‘anything goes but kiddie porn’ type of meme and banter group.
There, I was confident, shit talking, womanising, dehumanising, fetishising, self deprecating, flirtatious, predatory, and lying. Friendships I have made, these people believe me to have tried to kill myself through things I’ve told them and while my mental health has struggled significantly since battling with the feelings I’ve been having; I haven’t felt like that’s an option. But alcohol has.
I have abused alcohol over the past 5 years something nasty. If alcohol would speak, I’m the toxic ex they keep running back to; when I’m reality I’ve gotten myself to a point that I really struggle to function, communicate, express without it.
I started reading some stories on literorica. Transgender and crossdresser themed, and I was taken in by transformations and the way people spoke. I would hide my phone because again, shame, guilt, self disgust and absolute self denial. I was masturbating too much. In secret, thinking about what my life was like if I was treated as femme, if I WAS femme. And hiding it all and being secretive.
Around 2 months ago I got BLACKOUT drunk with my DAD. Jodie knew something was wrong. It didn’t know what. While I was comatose she went though my phone and saw the flirtatious, sexual messages to other people. She saw the forums and photos on Reddit, she saw the erotic writing. We spoke, we cried, we resolved to work on it. We spoke openly about emotional and sexual feelings and things were going great. She asked if I wanted to be a woman and I said ‘no; I just get massive blasts of dysphoria sometimes when I don’t felt right in the body I’m in’. Fast forward to last weekend; that gender swap filter ruined me. I had such bad dysphoria that I got almost blackout drunk and told my wife I was trans while I was HAMMERED. And that was the start of the decline. The day I came into work and said no I’m not okay, that was a full 48 hours no sleep, no rest, no silence arguing and questioning. My wife recently had a miscarriage. Her 3rd. All we want is a child; and she doesn’t know how I can want a child and not want to be male. I don’t either. But I never wanted children until I met her and now it’s one of my life ambitions and I was trying to make her see that.
I promised her I’d stop with the unhealthy attitudes. I promised I’d stop with the half truths, I promised I’d curb my drinking.
But I continued to fuck up. I continued being flirtatious with you. Though friendly and nothing in it, it was still a betrayal. I carried on painting myself as the victim. I carried on the ‘feel sorry for me’ mentality, I continued to talk to people. I continued to lie and I continued to be dishonest about how I was feeling; I don’t know why.
I have sent so many drunk texts about what I’m going through right now and none of them have been good.
I have been scared for my marriage, yes. But that’s my fault through being deceptive and sneaky. I, in the last 2 months have attempted to force my wife; my best friend, my soul mate, into understanding and accepting something that I’m still trying to accept and understand myself, because to me it still needs hiding because it’s ‘a perversion’ and I feel horrid for it. I’m doing my best to work on my faults and to overcome the problems I’m facing. Telling you the truth start to finish, I’m hoping does that.
I feel like I’d be more comfortable as a woman. I feel like a masc life has never really been what’s for me. I’ve always felt more femme and don’t know what to make of it, deeming it a lack of confidence and self esteem.
I let myself get used by anybody. Male and female alone because I didn’t understand. I believe Myself to be more comfortable as a female. And to try and Acclimate myself I’ve been wearing female underwater. It makes me feel in control. It makes me feel confident, I control, it helps me be ME. you’ve probably seen it on shift while I adjust my top or my trousers.
When I submitted my cv for this new role I asked for they/them pronouns. I’ve had a lot of emails since refereeing to me as Connor, they, them, and it makes me so happy. When I interviewed I wore my favourite, lucky, lingerie set and a dress. Skin tight, looked like a T-shirt type of dress.
You are literally the only person at Breme I’ve felt any type of connection with. I can already tell you that I love you. I can already tell you that I want you in my life regardless of what happens henceforth.
We are the same, professionally. And you allow me to feel comfortable on who I am learning to be.