I could type a simple message saying that I'd like to find a genuine female platonic best friend for life that feels like family, but it's more detailed than that. I just prefer to be transparent and detailed about a lot of things up front so there's minimal confusion and/or misunderstanding. So here we go.
About Me: - 47 years of age - black male - heterosexual - married with toddlers - USA / North Florida - introvert (INFJ-A for those into MB) - ex-Christian, agnostic / atheist - day job (Multimedia Developer) - ambitious entrepreneur (a builder) - neurodivergent - self-aware - reserved and level headed - silly, sarcastic, and corny - genuine, authentic, and an empath - very selective about the people in my life - very loyal to those I esteem a real friend - kind of a nerd/techie about filmmaking, music, new technology, crypto, AI, etc. - somewhat frugal and budget oriented
Interests & Hobbies: - filmmaking, composing music, animating, voice overs, photography, web development - bowling - billiards - game nights (card games, Jenga, Taboo, etc.) - movie nights (theater or binging at home) - sci-fi, thrillers, dystopian, comedy, horror, cartoons, superhero, space documentaries, action, adventure - chilling at the beach - even though I'm kind of a homebody, I enjoy walking and jogging - small road trips or cultural travel with a small group - trying new restaurants out - retro video games
Not Into: - not into smoking, vaping, 420, drinking, drugs - i have no tattoos or body piercings - never been the party type - not into big and overcrowded social events - not a dancer - not a huge risk taker
Lacking: - close friendships/family for in-person support and community
Needs: - someone that can genuinely understand/relate to the hardships of being an ex-Christian turned atheist - someone who can handle a deep level of openness (listening and sharing) without being judgmental and jumping to conclusions about things - someone who genuinely desires a close family like bond and is willing to put the time and effort into building it - someone that's not a smoker, drinker, and not into drugs and 420 products (I've spent too much time trying to fit in with people that smoke, drink, and do 420. I'm tired of making "I'll be the designated driver" jokes. I just need someone who's not into those things either.) - please be comfortable with my age if you are 15+ years younger. As I look maybe 10 years younger than my age and may be more open minded than many people my age, big age gaps can pose relatability issues. Just be mindful
As I'm open to platonic online friendships/family, I know I won't do as well with them long-term since I'm really hoping to make some long-term in-person friendships/family connections which would include meeting and hanging out in real life. Again, just being up front and transparent.
But with that being said, I haven't found anyone in my area that I feel connected to. So it only makes sense to consider people from anywhere. But the chemistry has to be there. But if anything is going to last, we'd have to figure a way to connect in person.
Also, I don't care about your orientation, if you are married, single, have children, are poly, or whatever. I'm just looking for someone I can connect with that feels like family.
Anyway, I always feel like I can't articulate what I'm looking for properly, but if this post piqued your interest and you feel you might be someone I'd like to connect with, send me a message.

So first off we were at her birthday party with all of her friends (whom I didn’t know) and some of her family. The incident started when we were bowling and we were messing around, having fun, and she thought I called her a female dog. She slapped me and went back to bowling. I (very confused because I didn’t do anything) walked away to give myself a second due to her embarrassing me in front of many people that I didn’t know.
After sitting for a couple minutes I went back and tried to talk to her. She said it could wait and to not talk about it now. So she expects me to socialize and talk and act fine when I just got very embarrassed in front of virtually everyone. I effectively remove myself from the party because of said embarrassment (which I shouldn’t have done and I probably should’ve handled it better).
After the party we talked about it and I said I would be better for her. So I thought it was resolved, but she was dry for a couple days after and we talked about it last night and she said that she sees me differently because of her friends and family getting into her head. Her friends are saying that I “showed my true colors” and her dad is asking stuff like “have you broken up with him yet?”. Today I sent a “I love you” text and she replied “yep” which tore my heart out. I sent a couple paragraphs and she left them on read. I said I was gonna give her space. She left it on read. She’s going to a wedding for the weekend. I really hope she texts me after because all I want is my baby back. I feel like this situation was blown out of proportion and we might just have to find out how we are going to argue together. How do I move forward?
TLDR; Girlfriend and I got into fight at birthday party, I handled it wrong and now everyone in her life that she loves is against me, influencing her opinion of me

Next weekend, I'm getting married. My parents won't be there.
My mum has Alzheimer's. She lives with my dad who cares for her. My partner and I got engaged and we planned our wedding such that it would be close to them and therefore it would be easier for my mum. It's been in the works for around a year and a half now.
For so long, everything looked fine. My mum was deteriorating, but all signs pointed that she would be okay for the wedding. Everything was fine until just a few weeks ago, and now it's not.
She took a massive downturn. Can't walk upstairs, can't sleep, can barely speak, can't eat/drink/swallow properly... You know the drill. Every single day, there's something else. I don't live with them, I live in southeast England and they live in the Southwest. We're about four hours apart. I get updates from my dad each day, and it just gets worse. She thinks her mum is still alive and keeps looking for her, and she keeps panicking that I'm not in my room, as she thinks I'm still a child and I've gone missing. I see her as often as I can, but it's not enough. I'm dreading the day she looks at me and can't recognise me.
I was talking to my dad about the wedding. I realised already that they probably won't be going, so I've come up with ways to livestream it so they can watch at home. When he agreed and said that it's a good idea, I was devastated. I want my mum to see me get married and she can't. Even if she could, she would be confused, she wouldn't remember it. I'm just heartbroken.
I've spent this morning in tears. It feels like my mum has already died.
Sorry for the rant.

My brother is about to get married and I would say I had a good relationship with his fiancé but she hasn’t chosen me to be a bridesmaid.. do I have every right to feel sad about this choice? It’s my only sibling and he has 6 groomsman and she only has 5 bridesmaid and would rather only have 5 then ask me that’s how it feels like anyway.. I feel sad inside but I don’t know if my feelings are valid as it’s not my wedding, nor my big day to say anything.

I (21) and my husband (25) gor married in February a week before my wedding my maid of honor said she can't come so i had to get someone else in her place flash forward to the day of my wedding half of our geust didn't show up we had a small wedding with 60 people invited 31 of those 60 showed up that morning my uncle (blood) said he's going to be late the only family from my side was my sister her wife there son and my grandmother..my mom passed and my father is not in the picture so when i started to walk down the aisle i saw that none of my family was there. We left it at that some of the other geust stole the alcohol from the tables and ate half of the food before we finished making the foon thay took some of the decorations we had a bring and braai (almost like a bbq) they took some of my brother inlaw and my sisters alcohol from there bags and tables it was a mess... to this day i still haven't heard from the people that did not show up not even a congregation but at the end we had an amazing wedding day i loved it and my husband loved it and we are happily married without a stress about other people

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English is not my first language so I use google translation. Please bear with me! 🙏🏼
I am a woman, 29, and have been in a lesbian relationship for three years. I am happy and secure with my girlfriend and our relationship, and we are soon getting married. I have never questioned my sexual orientation before or after meeting my girlfriend. Before her, I only dated guys, but when I met her, I just knew, She is my person.
We were friends for about 1.2 years and spent a lot of time together before I took the initiative to become more than friends. It wasn't easy at first, but because we had a strong friendship and knew each other well, we were able to build a stable relationship. Compared to my previous relationships where basic friendship and understanding or the desire to understand each other were lacking.
I have always had issues with guys, both in dating and friendship. Interests in my previous straight relationships started solely based on looks, and it really wasn't possible to just learn about them or hang out as friends, which never led anywhere. Stress and uncertainty in these relationships often made me feel like they were looking for something better. In some guy friend relationships, everything was cool until they got a girlfriend, and then it just went POOF in the air. 💔
Now I've started a new job where there's a guy who I initially found neutral, both in appearance and personality. I'm social and talk to EVERYONE at work, but I've noticed strange looks from colleagues when we interact. I didn't think much about it UNTIL during a shift when my colleagues moved him to my department three days in a row and seemed to expect a reaction from me when handing over information.

1. That made me start thinking more about him. There were no thoughts or feelings before this, so I'm not sure if I'm influenced by others. During the latest shift, I really felt a curious vibe and avoidant behavior between us. We avoided drawing attention, but I noticed that we often sought eye contact with each other.

We haven't really talked much, 2. which might be why I can't shake off the attraction and curiosity? Our conversations are always interesting and fun, even if they're about random things or work-related. I notice that we get looks when we're in the same room, so I try to keep it short and even avoid looking at him. We're both younger and good-looking compared to other colleagues, and we both seem aware of this and try to avoid drawing too much attention, even though we'd like to talk more (which we do as soon as there's no one nearby).
We work at a preschool, so I see how he interacts with the children and find him incredibly humble, which may contribute to the attraction. My confusion lies in not knowing if my attraction is 3. admiration for how good he is at his job, 4. if it's in a sexual way, or 5. if I find him interesting because of his calming energy, similar to that of my girlfriend. That's what got me interested in her.
I have ADHD and have struggled to understand and regulate my feelings on and off, and I'm not sure if this is something I need to confront or if I'm just influenced by my surroundings. I feel guilty and wonder if this is cheating on my girlfriend. Should I feel this way or not? Sooner or later, I will tell her everything because we have never kept anything secret from each other. I have been thinking, analyzing, and speculating about this for several days now. As I said before, I have never questioned my sexual orientation and have always found masculine women (like my girlfriend, who is androgynous) and humble men attractive when it comes to sexual attraction.
HOWEVER, one thing I have been thinking about for a long time since my twenties, when it comes to making friends of the opposite sex, it seems like we've been indoctrinated by norms and movies to believe that if two attractive individuals talk or hang out with each other or have chemistry, there "must be something romantic or sexual there". This frustrates me when I don't have that intuition?? And maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't have many guy friends. BUT I also get confused and conflicted when I find a guy interesting and maybe just want to be friends with him, as in this situation. That these norms haunt me. AND When it comes to making female friends, you don't get treated the same way by your surroundings.
I have never been attracted to a person solely because of their appearance, but it's the person's personality and our chemistry that determine whether relationships stick or not.
I would appreciate hearing what you think and feel about my situation. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out?

English is not my first language so I use google translation. Please bear with me! 🙏🏼
I am a woman, 29, and have been in a lesbian relationship for three years. I am happy and secure with my girlfriend and our relationship, and we are soon getting married. I have never questioned my sexual orientation before or after meeting my girlfriend. Before her, I only dated guys, but when I met her, I just knew, She is my person.
We were friends for about 1.2 years and spent a lot of time together before I took the initiative to become more than friends. It wasn't easy at first, but because we had a strong friendship and knew each other well, we were able to build a stable relationship. Compared to my previous relationships where basic friendship and understanding or the desire to understand each other were lacking.
I have always had issues with guys, both in dating and friendship. Interests in my previous straight relationships started solely based on looks, and it really wasn't possible to just learn about them or hang out as friends, which never led anywhere. Stress and uncertainty in these relationships often made me feel like they were looking for something better. In some guy friend relationships, everything was cool until they got a girlfriend, and then it just went POOF in the air. 💔
Now I've started a new job where there's a guy who I initially found neutral, both in appearance and personality. I'm social and talk to EVERYONE at work, but I've noticed strange looks from colleagues when we interact. I didn't think much about it UNTIL during a shift when my colleagues moved him to my department three days in a row and seemed to expect a reaction from me when handing over information.

1. That made me start thinking more about him. There were no thoughts or feelings before this, so I'm not sure if I'm influenced by others. During the latest shift, I really felt a curious vibe and avoidant behavior between us. We avoided drawing attention, but I noticed that we often sought eye contact with each other.

We haven't really talked much, 2. which might be why I can't shake off the attraction and curiosity? Our conversations are always interesting and fun, even if they're about random things or work-related. I notice that we get looks when we're in the same room, so I try to keep it short and even avoid looking at him. We're both younger and good-looking compared to other colleagues, and we both seem aware of this and try to avoid drawing too much attention, even though we'd like to talk more (which we do as soon as there's no one nearby).
We work at a preschool, so I see how he interacts with the children and find him incredibly humble, which may contribute to the attraction. My confusion lies in not knowing if my attraction is 3. admiration for how good he is at his job, 4. if it's in a sexual way, or 5. if I find him interesting because of his calming energy, similar to that of my girlfriend. That's what got me interested in her.
I have ADHD and have struggled to understand and regulate my feelings on and off, and I'm not sure if this is something I need to confront or if I'm just influenced by my surroundings. I feel guilty and wonder if this is cheating on my girlfriend. Should I feel this way or not? Sooner or later, I will tell her everything because we have never kept anything secret from each other. I have been thinking, analyzing, and speculating about this for several days now. As I said before, I have never questioned my sexual orientation and have always found masculine women (like my girlfriend, who is androgynous) and humble men attractive when it comes to sexual attraction.
HOWEVER, one thing I have been thinking about for a long time since my twenties, when it comes to making friends of the opposite sex, it seems like we've been indoctrinated by norms and movies to believe that if two attractive individuals talk or hang out with each other or have chemistry, there "must be something romantic or sexual there". This frustrates me when I don't have that intuition?? And maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't have many guy friends. BUT I also get confused and conflicted when I find a guy interesting and maybe just want to be friends with him, as in this situation. That these norms haunt me. AND When it comes to making female friends, you don't get treated the same way by your surroundings.
I have never been attracted to a person solely because of their appearance, but it's the person's personality and our chemistry that determine whether relationships stick or not.
I would appreciate hearing what you think and feel about my situation. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out?

English is not my first language so I use google translation. Please bear with me! 🙏🏼
I am a woman, 29, and have been in a lesbian relationship for three years. I am happy and secure with my girlfriend and our relationship, and we are soon getting married. I have never questioned my sexual orientation before or after meeting my girlfriend. Before her, I only dated guys, but when I met her, I just knew, She is my person.
We were friends for about 1.2 years and spent a lot of time together before I took the initiative to become more than friends. It wasn't easy at first, but because we had a strong friendship and knew each other well, we were able to build a stable relationship. Compared to my previous relationships where basic friendship and understanding or the desire to understand each other were lacking.
I have always had issues with guys, both in dating and friendship. Interests in my previous straight relationships started solely based on looks, and it really wasn't possible to just learn about them or hang out as friends, which never led anywhere. Stress and uncertainty in these relationships often made me feel like they were looking for something better. In some guy friend relationships, everything was cool until they got a girlfriend, and then it just went POOF in the air. 💔
Now I've started a new job where there's a guy who I initially found neutral, both in appearance and personality. I'm social and talk to EVERYONE at work, but I've noticed strange looks from colleagues when we interact. I didn't think much about it UNTIL during a shift when my colleagues moved him to my department three days in a row and seemed to expect a reaction from me when handing over information.

1. That made me start thinking more about him. There were no thoughts or feelings before this, so I'm not sure if I'm influenced by others. During the latest shift, I really felt a curious vibe and avoidant behavior between us. We avoided drawing attention, but I noticed that we often sought eye contact with each other.

We haven't really talked much, 2. which might be why I can't shake off the attraction and curiosity? Our conversations are always interesting and fun, even if they're about random things or work-related. I notice that we get looks when we're in the same room, so I try to keep it short and even avoid looking at him. We're both younger and good-looking compared to other colleagues, and we both seem aware of this and try to avoid drawing too much attention, even though we'd like to talk more (which we do as soon as there's no one nearby).
We work at a preschool, so I see how he interacts with the children and find him incredibly humble, which may contribute to the attraction. My confusion lies in not knowing if my attraction is 3. admiration for how good he is at his job, 4. if it's in a sexual way, or 5. if I find him interesting because of his calming energy, similar to that of my girlfriend. That's what got me interested in her.
I have ADHD and have struggled to understand and regulate my feelings on and off, and I'm not sure if this is something I need to confront or if I'm just influenced by my surroundings. I feel guilty and wonder if this is cheating on my girlfriend. Should I feel this way or not? Sooner or later, I will tell her everything because we have never kept anything secret from each other. I have been thinking, analyzing, and speculating about this for several days now. As I said before, I have never questioned my sexual orientation and have always found masculine women (like my girlfriend, who is androgynous) and humble men attractive when it comes to sexual attraction.
HOWEVER, one thing I have been thinking about for a long time since my twenties, when it comes to making friends of the opposite sex, it seems like we've been indoctrinated by norms and movies to believe that if two attractive individuals talk or hang out with each other or have chemistry, there "must be something romantic or sexual there". This frustrates me when I don't have that intuition?? And maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't have many guy friends. BUT I also get confused and conflicted when I find a guy interesting and maybe just want to be friends with him, as in this situation. That these norms haunt me. AND When it comes to making female friends, you don't get treated the same way by your surroundings.
I have never been attracted to a person solely because of their appearance, but it's the person's personality and our chemistry that determine whether relationships stick or not.
I would appreciate hearing what you think and feel about my situation. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out?

English is not my first language so I use google translation. Please bear with me! 🙏🏼
I am a woman, 29, and have been in a lesbian relationship for three years. I am happy and secure with my girlfriend and our relationship, and we are soon getting married. I have never questioned my sexual orientation before or after meeting my girlfriend. Before her, I only dated guys, but when I met her, I just knew, She is my person.
We were friends for about 1.2 years and spent a lot of time together before I took the initiative to become more than friends. It wasn't easy at first, but because we had a strong friendship and knew each other well, we were able to build a stable relationship. Compared to my previous relationships where basic friendship and understanding or the desire to understand each other were lacking.
I have always had issues with guys, both in dating and friendship. Interests in my previous straight relationships started solely based on looks, and it really wasn't possible to just learn about them or hang out as friends, which never led anywhere. Stress and uncertainty in these relationships often made me feel like they were looking for something better. In some guy friend relationships, everything was cool until they got a girlfriend, and then it just went POOF in the air. 💔
Now I've started a new job where there's a guy who I initially found neutral, both in appearance and personality. I'm social and talk to EVERYONE at work, but I've noticed strange looks from colleagues when we interact. I didn't think much about it UNTIL during a shift when my colleagues moved him to my department three days in a row and seemed to expect a reaction from me when handing over information.

1. That made me start thinking more about him. There were no thoughts or feelings before this, so I'm not sure if I'm influenced by others. During the latest shift, I really felt a curious vibe and avoidant behavior between us. We avoided drawing attention, but I noticed that we often sought eye contact with each other.

We haven't really talked much, 2. which might be why I can't shake off the attraction and curiosity? Our conversations are always interesting and fun, even if they're about random things or work-related. I notice that we get looks when we're in the same room, so I try to keep it short and even avoid looking at him. We're both younger and good-looking compared to other colleagues, and we both seem aware of this and try to avoid drawing too much attention, even though we'd like to talk more (which we do as soon as there's no one nearby).
We work at a preschool, so I see how he interacts with the children and find him incredibly humble, which may contribute to the attraction. My confusion lies in not knowing if my attraction is 3. admiration for how good he is at his job, 4. if it's in a sexual way, or 5. if I find him interesting because of his calming energy, similar to that of my girlfriend. That's what got me interested in her.
I have ADHD and have struggled to understand and regulate my feelings on and off, and I'm not sure if this is something I need to confront or if I'm just influenced by my surroundings. I feel guilty and wonder if this is cheating on my girlfriend. Should I feel this way or not? Sooner or later, I will tell her everything because we have never kept anything secret from each other. I have been thinking, analyzing, and speculating about this for several days now. As I said before, I have never questioned my sexual orientation and have always found masculine women (like my girlfriend, who is androgynous) and humble men attractive when it comes to sexual attraction.
HOWEVER, one thing I have been thinking about for a long time since my twenties, when it comes to making friends of the opposite sex, it seems like we've been indoctrinated by norms and movies to believe that if two attractive individuals talk or hang out with each other or have chemistry, there "must be something romantic or sexual there". This frustrates me when I don't have that intuition?? And maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't have many guy friends. BUT I also get confused and conflicted when I find a guy interesting and maybe just want to be friends with him, as in this situation. That these norms haunt me. AND When it comes to making female friends, you don't get treated the same way by your surroundings.
I have never been attracted to a person solely because of their appearance, but it's the person's personality and our chemistry that determine whether relationships stick or not.
I would appreciate hearing what you think and feel about my situation. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out?

Assalam o Alaikum,
I have a question about my wedding. My Nikkah is already done and I'm getting married this year, inshaAllah. In my culture, the Bride's family handles the Barat (Rukhsati) event and the Groom handles the Walima, although only the Walima is required in Islam.
To keep the wedding affordable, I’m thinking of discussing with the Bride's family about splitting the Barat costs based on the number of guests from each side. Otherwise, they would be covering the cost for my guests as well. The next day, I would host a smaller Walima for close family and friends.
I want to keep both events intimate, but both families want to invite extended families. My idea is to combine the Barat and Walima into one event, calling it a Shalima, so guests wouldn’t mind not being invited on the other day. Then, I would host a small Walima in a nice lawn with close family and friends to complete the Sunnah.
Is it Islamically acceptable to have a big Barat and a small Walima? JazakAllah.

long post alert. sorry for the brain dump - I just need help saving my family.
I sincerely feel our problems started on reddit, so I feel it's only right to come back here to see if you can help me solve the mess we made. So a few years ago, my wife came to reddit for advice navigating a cultural clash - you can read her OG post here. In retrospect, the responses she got were awful, rude and many racist.
My wife is from Zimbabwe, I am Swiss and we met while at university in my country. I fell for her instantly. Truthfully, I'd never seen anyone so beautiful. She was kind, so incredibly intelligent and has this gravitational pull to her. We started off as friends, but we eventually began dating and got into a steady relationship. I wanted to marry straight away, but she had career ambitions she wanted to meet before she married. At the time of the reddit post - I was going through some stuff. In truth, I knew the expectation of roora was on anyone who would marry her, and I had been saving for that alongside her engagement ring for years. I had gotten into a fight with my brother before she asked me about setting a date for her roora - where he'd said some nasty things about me being with a black woman and how I was losing myself and my cultural identity due to the concessions I'd made to be with my wife. It's why I reacted the way I did when she asked me about it, something I deeply regret to this day.
After the shit show that was that post, we spent 3 months in couples' counselling. She repeatedly told me that she didn't want to force me to do anything I didn't want to do. She said that she deserved to be with someone who enthusiastically embraced all parts of her - and if any part of me took issue with her culture, she asked that I bow out before I tied us together for life. I confessed that I knew all along about the roora, and I had prepared for it, but the conversations with my brother are what led me to say what I did. She was mad - I'd allowed her to be mocked, ridiculed and bullied by strangers online because I couldn't communicate with her, but we worked through.
We had a beautiful traditional wedding in her country, then another one with my traditions in mine. Her family was kind and welcoming, making many concessions for me as they had done since I met them. We planned on starting a family soon after we married, but she'd always said she want to have her babies back in her country so she can have her family around her. We had agreed that this is what we'd do. It's important to note that my wife doesn't really like living here - she says she hates living here. We lived in Sweden for much of our relationship, and many will know the people are on the cold side. She hated the food, the weather, struggled with the cold people - her country's people are very warm and friendly - and for the last 2 years she had to go on antidepressants because it was all a bit much for her. She asked me when we were going to move, and I asked for us to hang on for a while so I can finish a project I'm leading at work. We'd fought about this in the past, but this time she just nodded at me so I thought she finally got it. That was over 18 months ago and we didn't end up moving as I got promoted and it became harder to walk away. Her grandma passed away so I attributed the low mood to that.
Our problems came when she asked me if I was having an affair with my colleague. This was when I got home late one evening and found her sitting in the dark. I'd forgotten she was making dinner for us to be honest because I had a lot going on at work and it just slipped my mind. I told her that colleague and I were working late and I forgot - sorry. She grew confrontational and told me I was spending a lot of time with colleague lately, and she's noticed her name on my phone more than a few times. She asked me if there was anything she ought to know. This is when I may have killed my marriage - I told her I didn't give her father a truck full of cattle for her to question me. This was my house, my wife and if I wanted to have something on the side that was nobody's business but mine. She looked like I'd slapped her and I could see her holding back tears. I don't know why I didn't drop to my knees and beg forgiveness, instead doubled down and told her to stop the theatrics. Here's the thing - I'm not having an affair of any kind with my colleague - we really were just heavily into this project we're both super excited about. I don't know why I couldn't just say that to my wife.
She didn't come to bed that night, and I left early in the morning the day after and came home when she was asleep. This continued for days where I avoided her because I couldn't face the guilt. On the Friday, came home to a gift box that contained a positive pregnancy test and I long letter from my wife. I won't share all of it - but she said she was going to tell me on the night I bailed on dinner, that I had hurt her beyond measure with what I said to her and that she was "no longer going to show her love for me through self sacrifice". She told me she doesn't consent to be in a polygamous relationship, and since it's what I want I should expect to receive divorce papers from her soon. She left her rings and house keys too.
I had a panic attacked. I was able to call for help before the worst of it came, but I spiralled. I had monumentally fucked up, and lost my wife and unborn child because of it. I tried to call her, but her phone was going straight voicemail. I called her brother, who was short with me but assured me she was fine. He wouldn't tell me more. I finally tracked her down after 2 weeks - she'd gone back to her parents in Zimbabwe.
I can't follow her just yet because the project I've worked on for so long now is near completion and I can't walk away. My friends told me I was racist to my wife in my actions, because I never would have tried that with a white man and tried to use her culture against her. The fact that I wasn't even serious make me more cruel apparently. She still won't speak to me - I have tried all avenues and she won't hear me out. I love her beyond measure and I don't know how to get her back. Please, help me.

Hello All,
My wife and I will be travelling to Interlaken, Switzerland for 1st time for 4 days (end of may).
I have booked an airbnb in darligen near lake Thun. (maybe 1-2 stations from Interlaken)

1. Can someone suggest which places i should visit and how can i go there?

(nearby Interlaken)

1. I am planning to visit Jungfraujoch... should i buy Jungfrau travel pass as well? i found it pretty expensive, do you think it is worth to buy 210 CHF pass for 1 person?
   
2. Are location like Gstaad and Saanen really good?
   

(Note: Gstaad and Saanen are very important locations from an Indian prespective)

Warning: long post. I just have a lot of feelings on this topic!
We got married two weeks ago and I’m still on such a high from it all. I want to write this post as a bit of a reflection for myself and hopefully to get others excited for their weddings, especially for those who didn’t want a wedding to begin with.
I never wanted a wedding. I wanted to elope, or have a microwedding at most. My husband wanted the big thing. But there was so much about a traditional wedding that I dreaded. I’ve been to so many and they often feel performative, all very similar, and lacking in authenticity. Absolutely nothing wrong with others doing this - I always have a blast and have always LOVED attending weddings. I want to make this clear, that I love whatever it is that brings others joy, especially if they want to share it with me. There is no judgement. I just couldn’t see myself going through the same format of the traditional wedding. I was adamant on the no.
But then I realized that there would be no other time in our lives where we could have an entire day where we get to scream from the rooftops about how amazing our person is. I want my community to know how special my love is. Beyond this, I think love in all its forms deserves celebrating. I started to see a wedding as an opportunity to celebrate our village, our community, the people who have walked beside us in all our life chapters. How beautiful is that? There is no other occasion that will bring all your loved ones to one place. A wedding is the only opportunity you will have to embrace everyone in your life in one night; to bask in all the joy and experience some type of collective effervescence with all your closest people.
But what about the stress? The expectations? The MONEY? Many weddings I had been to, brides or grooms didn’t seem present. They often seemed stressed, and like they were actors in some performance. The day goes by so fast; months of planning and it’s over in a few hours. I’d heard so many stories of immense stress with wedding planning. Family and bridal party drama. The list goes on. I couldn’t bring myself to go there.
Until I realized that I/we are capable of setting boundaries and making intentional decisions. Some things we were just lucky with - that we have good careers and were able to save adequately, with some financial help from family as well. Lucky that our families and friends are all truly wonderful people, and are very low drama with minimal expectations. But some intentional decisions we made were: keeping our priorities in mind from day one (relaxed, fun, guest experience) and only making decisions based on these; even if the wedding world and society told us to do something different. We would simplify things as much as possible, and do without all the fluff and unnecessary stuff. We wouldn’t put any expectations on our loved ones, and overall wouldn’t get attached to any particular “ideal” of what the day would look like. We wanted a laid back vibe, and we had to intentionally choose this mindset from day one of planning. A wedding CAN be relaxed if you choose it to be. Even if your loved ones bring the drama and opinions and expectations - you can’t control others but you can control your reaction and how you choose to internalize it. The mindset you show up with in the months prior and on the day will set the tone for everyone else’s experience.
We made it clear to our loved ones that we had no expectations around our wedding and their roles - we just wanted them to be able to relax and have a good time. No bridal party or bachelorette/bachelor parties. Simple outfits that we felt good in, did my own hair and makeup, only $500 on decoflorals, emails for invites etc. We put our budget into an excellent all inclusive venue that came with an in house planner that took care of every logistical detail so that we could have as minimal stress as possible. We spent the morning with our loved ones lounging by the pool, got ready together, greeted our guests with beers upon arrival (no hiding away), walked down the aisle hand in hand with no other processional, no grand entrance or exit or staged photo ops, no first dances, no tosses. Just a fancy dinner party with a heartfelt ceremony to start and fun dance floor to finish (no DJ either!)
There were several times I felt like I was “doing it wrong” since I just didn’t feel bridal at any point in the planning process. I didn’t care about any of the bride things and needed to frequently remind myself that there is so much that society and the industry tells us we need, that we don’t. And that I’m still allowed to have a wedding in the way that feels right to me. At the end of the day, all I wanted was to bring our people together to have a few days of celebration and I wanted the vibe to be relaxed and authentic. I wanted to be an exceptional host, to treat our loved ones to an amazing experience, and be present with all the love in the air. None of the other stuff mattered and I’m so happy to say that we pulled it off, and everyone had an absolutely incredible time. Every single person commented on how much they loved the vibe of the day, many saying it was the best wedding they’d been to.
I want the brides and grooms to-be out there who feel out of their element and resistant to the process - who have never dreamed of this and are doing it as a compromise - to know that really and truly, it has the potential to be the most incredible thing you’ll ever do. To think back on the old me who was against the idea of planning and hosting a wedding… to me now… wow. I am SO pro wedding, I think everyone deserves to feel that level of joy. It is truly unparalleled and has left me with the most cherished memories. There is no better feeling.
Edit: I hope this post doesn’t come across as boastful. I know we are privileged in a lot of ways and not everyone will be able to have this type of experience. Not everything is in our control. I guess I just want to emphasize that a good amount of stuff IS in our control and that a medium-large-ish wedding doesn’t automatically equal high stress and increased likelihood of disappointment/unmet expectations like I originally assumed.