PREFACE

• I (F21) met my crush (NB24) roughly ten months ago.
  • I have had a crush on them for four months.
• We are both a part of the same friend group, including my ex of six months.
  • I broke up with said ex roughly two months ago.
  • My relationship with my ex was an open-relationship, so flirting was allowed.
  • My ex even encouraged my crush.

BACKSTORY

My breakup with my ex was kind of messy. I instigated it—he violated a few of my boundaries, said things that made me uncomfortable, and I made myself a doormat for him—but I was still polite and tried my best to be very accommodating and gentle with him. His behavior was ultimately cruel to me and he said things that hurt me very much afterwards, but I forgave him. He is currently blocked.
Considering we were all a part of the same friend group (messy, messy) I didn't know what to do at the time; was I supposed to leave everyone that I grew to love and care about? Who knows. I made a separate group chat of people I wanted and called it a day. We've been in the server since the end of March.
My relationship with my crush was intended to stay platonic. I planned on getting over the emotions, coping, and forgetting about it. This all was because I was told 1 (one) time that "flirting is allowed as long as it's platonic" and I took it to heart. I didn't want to ruin my friendship.
However, my vulnerability after the breakup kind of made me... clingier. My crush is highly reserved—very quiet, shy, and oftentimes busy—but I went out of my way to talk to them in DMs and help them open up to me. I wanted to get to know them better, even if underneath it all there was something a bit selfish going on.

CURRENT EVENTS

Nonetheless, I'm absolutely dogshit at staying quiet.
Fairly recently, after literally being sleep deprived, I made a joke in the groupchat and everyone obviously commented on it. My crush was a very 'open secret' type of thing and I got teased for it often for being "(Crush)'s #1 Fan". Anyway, after the joke was made I felt extremely guilty about it because of my own personal shame (I beat myself up often every single time I flirted with them because I was a bit of an idiot) and DMed them an apology.
I then bit the bullet, of course, and said there was a conversation me and them needed to have. My crush—who was equally as sleep deprived—basically called me out on liking them.
We had a bit of a discussion while falling asleep over text, but the feelings were reciprocated! I'm ecstatic. I don't want to compare relationships—that is never the best course of action—however when I think of this versus my ex... With my ex, I was confused, pliant, and easygoing. I didn't feel butterflies, get excited, or start rolling around in my bed and stay up for six more hours cleaning my house because of all the nerves and excitement in my body. With my crush, I feel safe. I feel comfortable. I feel like I can show the worst of myself and even if they were angry with me, they'd somehow make it gentle. I'm not being judged for not being perfect. My crush has seen the worst of me, and doesn't care. God, they said they admire me.

NEXT STEPS

The major issue, frankly, is that even though I am extremely happy that my crush likes me, I am ultimately not in the headspace or correct mentality for a relationship. I have deteriorated and fallen back into bad habits, I have made no personal progress to improving my lifestyle, and I simply don't want to treat my crush like a rebound (even if, for all intents and purposes, it kind of is one).
I don't know when I'll be ready. I don't know if it'll be a month from now, two months, or an entire year. I have no idea what I want.
I live in a very impoverished part of the USA—the lower, southern portion—and my crush lives in Canada. It's silly, but I'm very insecure about being southern and my ex even used to blatantly refuse to visit me because of it. Not only that, but I'm disabled. I have health issues and need physical therapy before I'd be able to get a job and an income to afford anything.
To me, I am not worthy of being loved in the state I am because I can only give words or phone calls. I can't give gifts, my love, or my body. I can't visit them and probably won't be available to for at minimum two years. A lot of my past relationships relied on me being a giver. I'm too used to it. It's selfish to think this way and quite pedantic, but I'm not sure what else to do. I know I need to work on my self worth, and that's my goal too.
Regardless, not the point of the post.
Considering me and my crush reciprocated feelings, both feel that we aren't ready for a relationship, and both don't really have the means to do anything with or for one another, do I still stay? Do I still hope for it? Or do I just acknowledge that we like each other and make no move to build and foster it into something that lasts?
What do we do now that it's in the open?

TL;DR

I have just gotten out a relationship with someone from a mutual friend group as my crush. I have known them for nearly a year, and recently confessed. I am not mentally ready to be in a relationship with them and the distance—given I have no means to actually visit them at all for probably literally two/three years—is daunting. Do I keep fostering this relationship and hope they wait for me? Or do I accept that even though me and my crush like each other, it will probably disappear by the time we're both ready for something?
What do we do now that we know we like each other?

FINAL WORDS

Being brutally honest about my situation like this is a bit embarrassing—I understand how it can paint me in a bad light—however realistically I think it should be addressed and at least... aired out.
I don't want to fuck this up.

Hi, so first of all I'm not a nativ english speaker so sorry for the bad grammar and spelling.
So this will be probably a long one and it's also the first time I'm posting but I don't now what to do anymore and I just need to get it of my chest.
I live in a dorm room and I have a room mate (RM). First of all everything was fine. We moved together BC we knew each other and were good friends and for the longest time it worked out fine.
Our room does not have ventilation and is a south room which means it can get very hot in the summer like around 40° C and also doesn't cool down really at night. In order to cool down my RM bought a cheap Ventilator. I did understand why she would put it on in the night to sleep better but I really didn't like the noise it make but could still tolerate it.
Fast forward she let it on all winter long as well and as it's a cheap Ventilator the noise it made became louder and it sounded low-key like a Traktor. I still tried to tolerate it as I new she liked to sleep with it on but I told her a few times that I didn't liked it. Like two months ago the noise became unbearable and I really couldn't sleep anymore and if I managed to sleep before she came home I always woke up around 2 ish and couldn't sleep for a few hours. I really need the sleep as I'm studying architecture and writing my bachelor thesis at the moment and sleep is very important and I realised that my grades also started to drop around the same time the ventilator started to make this unbearable noises.
So after a month trying everything to fall asleep and stay asleep with sleeping pills, teas, headphones and late evening walkes I asked her if we would put it off the next day. She just said she couldn't sleep without it and turned around. I let it on this night couldn't sleep but next day I decided I would talk to her again. So the next day around 10 ish I asked her to put it of as I really can't sleep and tried everything. I told her we could make a compromise to put it one day on another day off. She told me she really really couldn't sleep without it and I told her I really really couldn't sleep with it on anymore and with the compromise everybody could sleep one night. She said her thought are so loud that she couldn't sleep without it and I said I really needed the sleep and it's not like that you will not put it on ever again just for one night at a time. She than started to cry Hysterically turned around unplugged the ventilator aggressively and didn't spoke a word to me since than.
She didn't put the ventilator on the next two days but I couldn't sleep as well BC In my opinion she was extra loud in the night to keep on waking me up and started to put an alarm at 6 am all the way to 10 every 20 min. She doesn't mind this but I was always awake at the first alarm and she knows that as well and well I studied till late in the evening so again I didn't had any sleep...
She acted like I'm not there the entire next few days and as we are in the same friend group I also didn't want to join any activities bc I didn't want to make her more mad and she maybe she could cool of a bit. I told her after a few days she really could put on the ventilator again as in the compromise I would be ok if I couldn't sleep well one night and I also want her to sleep of course because she was my friend. I asked her if she wants to talk BC I found it very stupid that we kind of had a fight about this but she didn't, anyhow she put on the ventilator again. She didn't put it off the entire next month and still acted like I had done some unspeakable things to her and made it extremely hard for me to focus as everytime she entered the room she was very loud and angry. I also realised that the rest of the group became very cold towards me. I spoke with one of them and according to him I had broken her trust and as I am the longest of her friends I should know her how important that was to her. Just as if my sleep is less important than her sleep. I tried to not stay at the dorm room as much as possible as if she maybe would realise it was a very stupid thing to fight about but well and I didn't want this kind of atmosphere in the room.
Yesterday I had a jury talk and it went horribly BC they didn't like my project so I was already really down. Anyhow my RM was watching Netflix with the fan on and around 3ish I asked her if we would put it off since she still is watching something and I can't sleep. Yap big mistake she said she is about to go to sleep but I could do whatever I want in a very cocky way. I said we could still do the compromise and I don't understand why she is acting like this. She ignored me again. Now I couldn't sleep as well as I was super angry and yes. I will now not talk a single word with her anymore and I will unplugg the ventilator every second night as I can't do this anymore.
This is how the friendship ends BC I'm not in the mood to still try to resolve this but I think she neither... I'm just very glad that I will be able to move out in 1,5 months but those months will be still interesting. AITAH?

We've been best friends for 10 years, when we met we felt like long lost sisters. We had gone through so many similar things like a similarly shitty childhood, we had the same interests, ietc. We even lived together for 2 years. She is warm, hilarious, kind, and deeply well-intentioned.
Thing is, I genuinely feel like I've grown up a lot more, and she hasn't. Especially since shes moved back with her parents a few years ago, she's mentally like a teenager. She's never earned money/worked, she's never been in a relationship. We both struggle with eating disorders and whilst I've been in extensive therapy and have really fixed my relationship with food and exercise, she's on constant yoyo dieting and has now taken ozempic. She's terminally online as well since lockdown, and speaks like a femcel.
And honestly I'm totally okay with helping her when she's struggling - she's helped me so much before (and this is where the guilt lies). But it's honestly really difficult to hear her voice harmful beliefs I've spent years trying to unpack. I've tried asking her not to talk about it, but it bleeds into everything.
Regarding my 6 year relationship, she's very good friends with my bf too. But twice over the years we lived together, she overheard heated arguments between us (we're both in therapy and this has largely ended, but they were never one-sided). In those times, she came to me after and "comforted" me, but started telling me how she thinks my partner is toxic and an ab-word. I said one disagreement was due to differing memories, and she immediately accused him of "gaslighting". I disagreed with her but I realized it made me quite insecure/anxious, and I didn't want to completely dismiss it bc as a woman you're told to take these things seriously.
What frustrated me is she told ME all this stuff to leave my partner, but never spoke to him, and still treats him like a bff. When my partner encouraged me to make a healthier food choice, she pulled me aside warning me how he was "controlling what I ate" and how it was a "red flag for (toxic behaviour)". And then she proceeded to FALL ASLEEP on him a few hours later and say how much she adores both of us. It made me click that everything she was saying was pop psychology jargon, and she didn't understand the gravity of her words.
I told my bf what was happening and he was furious and deeply hurt. He said he wished she had spoken to him rather than whisper insecurities into my ear and been all buddy buddy with him. Hes planning to confront her next time and wants to cut her off completely.
The realization for me was when we were walking places - she's really quite unfit now, and she would latch onto my arm and force me to help her walk, and fuck me it was exhausting. And I realized that that's what our relationship feels like, a literal ball and chain.
Thing is, I haven't a clue how to end this friendship. I know she's really well intentioned, but it doesn't remove how hurtful she's being, and boundaries aren't working. She has a lot of secrets of mine over the years and I'm worried for her vitriol. And fuck me, I love her, just not this person she's become. I kind of want to ghost, but would that be shitty of me?
Tldr: best friend hasn't really "grown up" and I feel like our friendship is actively harming me and my relationship. Not sure how to end it in a kind way.

So I have been friends with this guy for 4 years and have been in love with him for over 2 of those years, at the time we weren’t as close and i was too afraid to make a move in case i ruined anything because i would rather have and love him from a distance than not at all. He helped me through so much during our friendship and he was the one person who gave me genuine and truthful advice to help me move forwards and that just made me appreciate him more. last year we got especially close and he ended up falling in love with me and we clicked perfectly. he is and was the sweetest person i know, met my standards and went above and beyond, showed me nothing but pure love and importantly we were best friends. We shared so much together and we have never had a single argument, disagreements but they were always accepted and never led to anything more than that. we communicated well and could talk about anything for hours, you get the point. about a month or two ago he wanted to split up because we didn’t get to see each other often and we were both really busy with life and he was planning on moving away for Uni next year, we both always promised each other if there ever was something like this to happen that we can always remain in touch and get back together when the time is right. so we split up but everything between us was still the same, seeing each other when possible and still texting as usual just not so often. I found out he started dating one of his friends that he made this year and I’m absolutely devastated. I’ve asked him about it and all he says is that “it’s more complicated than how i felt about you, i knew we couldn’t be together forever and i’m sorry i couldn’t make things work” just last week he was telling me loved me and everything was as normal, he tells me he had no intention of hurting me and he always thought about me when we broke up and hoped i would be okay but he has no words because he knows how vulnerable i am to him and the love i truly have for him.
This was so unexpected and i’m so heartbroken to loose such a connection and knowing he’s sharing this with another girl. I don’t understand how he could do this or why. is it his way of getting over it? did he lie and loose feelings just to lead me on after? I have so many questions.
I’m not the type to obsess over him and dwell on it but i genuinely don’t know how i’m going to move forwards from this because i just believe in us deep down that were meant for each other and i can’t convince myself otherwise. everything reminds me of him and it’s hard to believe that i can do this without him because he is that person who taught me to love myself and that i am capable of achieving the things i dream of. thinking about motivating myself to get over this and that i will get over it is so hard because the only reason i can do that is because of him and everything just reminds me of him again. I would do anything for this guy and just want to love him.
Can someone please give their input as i’m really stuck on what i should do, I really don’t think i can do it alone. I have never felt such a true connection with someone in my life and am absolutely shattered

To my colleagues at the Technomagical University of Valencia,
It is with great honor and gratitude that I dedicate these words to the revered institution that has been my intellectual home for decades. As Professor Thaddeus Rune, I have had the privilege of exploring the vast domains of thaumaturgy and materials sciences, unraveling the mysteries of the universe through the lens of magic and science.
Since the dawn of my academic career, the Technomagical University has been my source of inspiration and intellectual refuge, providing me with a conducive environment for the flourishing of the mind and spirit. Here, I have found not only knowledge but also camaraderie and collaboration, fundamental pillars on the path to understanding the secrets of the cosmos.
In this essay, I wish to pay tribute not only to this venerable institution but also to my esteemed friend and research colleague, the eminent arcanologist and Dr. Cornelius Darkwood. Together, we have shared countless hours of research, exploring the boundaries of magic and science with unwavering passion and an insatiable thirst for discovery.
May these words serve as a testimony of my deep appreciation for the Technomagical University of Valencia and for the invaluable friendship and collaboration I have found in Dr. Cornelius Darkwood. May our joint efforts continue to illuminate the darkest corners of knowledge, for the benefit of humanity and future generations.
With sincere affection and gratitude,
Professor Thaddeus Rune
____

Introduction

Thaumaturgy, the ancient discipline that merges magic and science, has long been a fascinating and challenging field of study. In our ongoing effort to expand the boundaries of knowledge and thaumic practice, we are faced with the challenge of finding and synthesizing materials that are not only abundant but also rich in crucial magical aspects. In this essay, we will explore two such materials: pyrite and icosahedrite, and examine their potential in the creation of new alloys and thaumic artifacts.
Pyrite, known for its composition of iron sulfide (FeS2), has long been a cornerstone in thaumic practice. The presence of sulfur and iron in its crystalline structure makes it an ideal source of the ignis, terra, and metallum aspects. Additionally, its perfect cubic crystals offer a generous dose of the ordo aspect, adding an additional level of complexity to its thaumic utility.
However, the growing scarcity of natural pyrite crystals, specially those with cubic shapes, due to its extensive use in the crafting of pyrotic magical alloys and power objects, poses a significant challenge for modern thaumaturges. It is imperative that we explore viable alternatives for obtaining this material.
We must also highlight the importance of emerging materials such as icosahedrite. Icosahedrite, recently discovered and of meteoric origin, exhibits a unique chemical composition of aluminum, copper, and iron (Al63Cu24Fe13). Although its availability is limited and its cost high, its potential in thaumaturgy is extraordinary. In addition to being an excellent source of the metallum and permutatio aspects, the true marvel of icosahedrite lies in its emerging aspects, especially the rare alienus aspect.
This alienus aspect, with its exotic and mysterious qualities, offers a vast field of possibilities in the manufacturing of quantum devices, metamagic contraptions, and artifacts for metric manipulation of space-time. Furthermore, icosahedrite infused with praecantatio essence can give rise to powerful dodecahedrites, with potential applications in the production of high-density magical batteries, wands and scepters of great power, enhanced arcane weapons, and antimagic ammunition.
In conclusion, both pyrite and icosahedrite represent valuable contributions to the thaumic arsenal. Their unique properties and potential in the creation of new alloys and artifacts urge us to explore more economical and scalable production methods.

Summary

Throughout my research in the field of thaumaturgy and materials sciences, I have conducted a series of experiments aimed at synthesizing high-quality materials for application in thaumic practice. These experiments have resulted in the development of innovative synthesis methods, which have been detailed and documented in a report attached to this essay.
In this essay, however, my goal is to provide a concise and accessible summary of the synthesis methods employed, as well as the results obtained. While the attached report contains specific technical details and additional experimental data, here I will focus on presenting an overview of the procedures used and their implications in the context of contemporary thaumaturgy.
It is my hope that this summary provides a clear and practical understanding of the synthesis methods employed, as well as their relevance to research and thaumic practice. For those interested in delving deeper into the technical and experimental details, I refer to the attached report for further information and detailed insights.

Method of synthesis for Pyrite cubes

The process of synthesizing high-quality pyrite involves several meticulous steps to ensure the formation of cubic pyrite crystals with optimal perfection and purity. Below is a summary of the main steps of the method:

1. Preparation of the reactive mixture: The process begins with the preparation of a stoichiometrically calculated mixture of sulfur and iron. 32.06 grams of sulfur and 55.84 grams of iron, both finely powdered, are carefully weighed and mixed.
2. Formation of iron sulfide (FeS2): The sulfur-iron mixture is placed in a crucible and ignited to initiate the reaction and form iron sulfide (FeS2).
3. Grinding and dissolution: Once the iron sulfide is formed, the product is finely ground. Subsequently, the resulting iron bisulfide is dissolved in a eutectic mixture of sodium, potassium, calcium, and magnesium chloride salts. The exact proportions of these salts and specific temperatures are detailed in the attached report.
4. Crystallization and controlled cooling: The dissolved mixture is placed in a crucible inside a glass annealing furnace for slow controlled cooling. This process allows pyrite crystals to form and crystallize in an orderly and uniform manner.
5. Extraction and selection of crystals: Once the mixture has cooled and fully crystallized, the salt block is broken to extract and separate the precipitated pyrite crystals. Crystals with the most perfect cubic shapes are selected for use as seed crystals for growing larger crystals.
6. Process refinement: Throughout the experimentation, refinements were made to the process to improve the quality and perfection of the pyrite crystals. These refinements are detailed in the attached report.
7. Results: After a series of experiments and adjustments, a pyrite cube measuring 3.24 cm on each side was successfully grown, representing a significant success in the synthesis of high-quality pyrite.

This method of pyrite synthesis offers an effective route to obtaining cubic pyrite crystals with optimal thaumic properties, opening up new possibilities in the research and application of this material in contemporary thaumaturgy.

Method of synthesis for Icosahedrite dodecahedrons

The synthesis process of icosahedrite dodecahedrons involves a series of meticulous steps to cultivate polycrystalline crystals with desirable thaumic properties. Below is a summary of the main steps of the method:

1. Preparation of the metal mixture: The process begins with the pre-fusion and mixing of a finely powdered combination of 21.51 grams of aluminum, 19.305 grams of copper, and 9.185 grams of iron, in a controlled argon atmosphere. The mixture is carefully conducted to ensure a uniform distribution of the elements.
2. Refusion and controlled cooling: The metal mixture undergoes a refusion process to ensure complete melting of the components. Once melted, the mixture is allowed to cool within a crucible placed in a glass annealing furnace, ensuring slow controlled cooling.
3. Addition of ordo aspect essence: During the cooling process, ordo aspect essence is added to accelerate and enhance crystallization. This addition helps promote the growth of desired dodecahedral quasicrystals and improve their quality and purity.
4. Formation of the polycrystalline metal matrix: As a result of the controlled cooling process and the addition of ordo aspect essence, a polycrystalline metal matrix is obtained containing a variety of crystals with different orientations and structures.
5. Extraction and selection of dodecahedrons: The polycrystalline metal matrix is carefully broken and fragmented to separate and extract perfectly formed and desired dodecahedral quasicrystals. Dodecahedrons with the most suitable shapes and thaumic properties are selected for use in thaumic applications.

Although the obtained icosahedrite dodecahedrons may be small in size, their successful formation represents a significant advancement in the synthesis of this highly promising material in thaumaturgy. This method provides a solid foundation for future research and applications in the field of contemporary thaumaturgy.
____

Request for acquisition of magical materials for Dodecahedrite research

Given the success of the icosahedrite synthesis process, I am attaching the reason why I have requested a budget. Although the letter sent details the reasons better, I have chosen to include an excerpt in this essay for transparency purposes.
In order to advance our thaumic research and reduce future costs, I propose an innovative strategy involving the acquisition of key magical materials for the manufacture of dodecahedrites. These materials, greatwood and thaumite, are crucial for extracting large quantities of praecantatio essence, an essential component in the successful production of dodecahedrites.
Greatwood and thaumite, with their high concentration of praecantatio essence, will allow us to obtain the necessary raw materials to manufacture dodecahedrites efficiently and economically. These dodecahedrites, combined with the icosahedrite quasicrystals we have successfully synthesized, will be used in future research on advanced thaumic applications.
By acquiring these materials in large quantities, we can not only reduce the production costs of dodecahedrites but also ensure a constant and sufficient supply for our thaumic research projects. Additionally, it will enable us to conduct large-scale experiments and explore the full thaumic potential of dodecahedrites in various areas of study.
Therefore, I respectfully request the University of Tecnomagic of Valencia to consider allocating a budget for the acquisition of greatwood and thaumite. This strategic investment will allow us to advance more rapidly in our thaumic research and achieve new milestones in the field of contemporary thaumaturgy.
I am available to provide any additional information that may be necessary and that I am authorized to provide.
Sincerely,
Professor Thaddeus Rune

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Anglestan
Augustus 5, 1923
Facility 9, Mancheston
Colonel Jacobs
His hands flew through the folders General Jorgenson and Colonel Thatcher had. There were dozens of them, stacked upon each other all filed in alphabetical order. It had only been a few days since he had woken up from his coma and visited his home— now his mother’s grave. He clenched his fists at the thought. The grief and rage threatened to bubble and spill over once again. He took a deep breath and dragged out the exhale, almost to the point where he had emptied out his lungs.
He was the only one with clearance, and so he couldn’t disclose any of what he learned with his team. They would simply have to trust him and his judgment. Which he was sure they would do. His hands went over one of the folders skimming through it. There were multiple secret projects, but the ones with the most notes were Project S.T.A.R, Project L.U.N.A.R.I, Project R.E.V.I.V.E, Project D.A.W.N, and Project T.E.M.P.L.A.R.
The colonel decided to start with the most notes and papers. Project D.A.W.N.
He skimmed through the notes, reading through some of the details and highlighted words. Project D.A.W.N, the espionage project Thatcher had started placed two spies in Verlin who were to report directly to a Crescent general named Sienna Moretti who was apparently on humanity’s side.
So I was right. There was an espionage element. With the recent attacks and Thatcher’s death, however, it’s safe to assume that it had somehow failed. Either they got found out or they betrayed us. Both seem very likely, but if they were found out, it would be possible that they had died.
He read through all of it before setting the folder down. There were no new notes recently. He sighed and assumed that Project DAWN was a failure. Whether or not the agents were still alive and well, it was too risky to check if they had been compromised. It was better to assume that they had been and cut all contact. The only way to find out now was to go there himself and check. I can’t contact them again. There’s no telling if it would still be Moretti or the agents who would see my messages. It’s a big risk, and judging by the state of things, best to assume it failed.
He picked up another folder. This one had the label ‘under development’ on the folder. Project Templar. He opened the folder and was instantly met with a blueprint and drawings of a massive bipedal machine. It looked humanoid with strange proportions and was supposed to be standing at an impressive 30 meters, or 100 feet. The Titanic Engine Mech for Personal Land Assault and Reconnaissance.
It was apparently a joint project with the Church of Sol, utilizing new and advanced technologies he hadn’t heard of. A 203mm Gatling cannon on one arm, while the other had three different weapons. A massive firestarter that utilized a new type of fuel mixture that could theoretically spew flames a kilometer away using a high-pressure nozzle. The fuel was ignited using an electrical spark. The second weapon was a high-powered light weapon that fired a single powerful beam of focused light that was even further amplified by layers of focusing lenses that could increase its output several times. Its third weapon was… a dust domina?
Mark read through the specifications of the so-called ‘sand cannon’ weapon. It was a massive cannon that accelerated tiny particles several times. Each particle was to be electrically charged, and it would travel at immense speeds. Near impossible speeds. The resulting impact of a microscopic particle at such speeds would be enough to form a small crater and punch through armor like it was nothing. This weapon would fire multiple at the same time, which could literally eat away at anything on the opposing end.
In terms of secondary weapons, the titan had two missile launch chambers in front of its shoulder each containing about 40 missiles, and two massive howitzer cannons on top of it. Both are 800mm in caliber. It had massive stumpy legs that served as bunkers for a small platoon on each leg. Each leg had machine dominas and 155mm cannons. Its chassis held two nuclear reactors inside providing for its power and weaponry. Its armor was the thickest and most ridiculous he’d ever read. Two meters of heavy steel armor.
How far are we in terms of technology? This thing looks like it came out of an H.G. Wells sci-fi novel. He thought, shaking his head. It was over the top, but there was no denying its combat capabilities. If it was already under-developed then it must be the first prototype. This has already been approved. Guess I better see it for myself later and check how it's coming along. Construction apparently started just a few months before the invasion.
Next was project L.U.N.A.R.I. It was a project involving Six. “Huh,” he said, continuing to read on.
The Light Undone: Nocturnal’s Adaptive Resistance Initiative. As he read further, his eyes widened. The reason why Six was so special wasn’t just because of her immunity to all strigoi weaknesses, but because of her impressive ability to turn any true born strigoi like her. She could transfer her strain like any other strigoi and transform them into a version of hers. It however only seemed to work for naturally born strigoi. The new species of ‘half-breeds’ were called ‘Blessed Children’ as Thatcher had coined in the folder.
The plan was to turn all willing true-born hemolite strigoi into these blessed children. Able to withstand the sun. Immune to silver. Free from the dependency on blood. They could remove all the weaknesses of the strigoi and after the war— make it possible to integrate them into society as normal citizens living on the surface. The project folder also made mentions of a city-wide draft in Dante and highlighted the possibility of turning all Dantenite true born strigoi into these blessed children and renaming them as ‘Lunari’. A mix of the dark and the light. The light of Sol reflected in the children of the night.
“Thatcher, what the fuck have you been up to…” Mark whispered to himself.
While it was true that it could help in the war effort by utilizing Six and the dantenite population, it would also invite some unforeseen problems and consequences. Would humanity be okay with the Lunari? Would the world even be ready for them? Strigoi who were immune to the sun. They wouldn’t be impossible to kill, but they would be immensely more powerful if we were to take away their inherent weaknesses. This is a gamble. Its gain would only be seen during the war period, but its unintended effects on society could be catastrophic.
He frowned, setting the folder down. It was obviously Thatcher’s main plan; seeing as all her moves could be traced to the path of the eventual completion of this project. It seemed dangerous in the long run, but the duskwalkers and dantenites had been monumental in the war effort. Maybe it was the time the world started to accept them more. Isolation and segregation was definitely not the way to disperse fears and foster understanding.
If Thatcher thinks this is the next step forward… then I’ll put my faith in her plans.
Next up was Project S.T.A.R, or the Superior Tech and Adaptive Resistance. An upgrade to the current hemolite weapons and gear by using new researched studies. The Starfire Pattern Domina. The SFD-23 This thing features a new loading system and magazine, ditching the rotating cylinder most domina used, or the rotating helix magazine design of the current hemolite standard BM-16 domina.
The new domina had its magazine like a box… a strange design but it was certainly easier to handle than the bulky cylinders the helical mags used. In terms of ergonomics, it was smoother and fit more. Its placement however was on top of the domina, just above the barrel. Most of the weapon were to be made of lightweight polymers and the barrel itself were to be crafted out of reinforced aluminium. In addition to that, it had a 10-inch bayonet attached to it.
There were other new things as well, such as the composition of the bullet. Looking at the conceptual cross-section designs, Mark read through its description and how it would function. A .308 cased telescoped bullet covered in a silver jacket with break-away petals surrounding the main body. Inside the jacket was a penetrator core that was to be made of depleted uranium. It had a small amount of incendiary compound and… powdered white phosphorus behind an explosive compound. The thin silver jacket would deform and trigger the explosive compound inside the body. It would blow up causing massive internal damage and release the incendiary materials into the body with the flecks of powdered white phosphorus. The penetrator core could still potentially keep going and hit a second target, or punch through heavily armored targets.
Part of the new Project S.T.A.R was overhauling the armor and gear of not just the Hemolites but the Hunters as well. Starfire Mk 1. Carapace Armor. Carapace? It looked like plates of steel covered in a rubberized coat. It was supposed to be slipped on over the original hemolite body armor. It added a spring-loaded wrist blade to the gauntlet, a thicker coat made of resistant materials, and added extra padding for the knees, shoulders, and elbows.
However, the hemolites weren’t the only ones mentioned in the folder. It was to serve the Hunters as well. “Hunters…” Mark said. “August’s group is part of this initiative too.” He flipped through some of the pages. There were blueprints and drawings of an armored suit. A mechanized suit even smaller and more compact than the jotunn units. The Mark 1 STR battlesuit. It was supposed to hug the wearer’s frame and increase their overall power. It was supposed to be built of titanium alloy and a heavy steel frame with composite armor. It had a cooling system, life support systems that could recycle bodily fluids, and an exoskeleton frame that could increase the wearer’s strength and speed.
However, the real eye-opener was Thatcher’s notes. She had been ranting about the new human evolution, and how the Hunters were the first of the ‘Solari’. She wanted to enhance human genetics and push past the peak of human ability to reach greater heights. Implants and restructuring of the anatomy to make it more efficient. Using the blood of the goddess herself. She must have lost it. These are the ramblings of a lunatic. At least… if she didn’t mention the goddess. Why was the goddess important here?
The writings ended with the words: “See Project R.E.V.I.V.E, for more details.”
Mark eyed the final folder. His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Flipping it open, his hands nearly dropped it in shock. The goddess Helena was alive. There were pictures of her naked form floating in a giant tube of fluid. There were more of Thatcher’s ramblings and excited rants about the possibilities of such a discovery. Resurrection, Enhancement, and Veneration: Implementation of Visionary Evolution.
The goddess is alive?! According to the file, she’s currently under the Cathedral of New Lundun. Not only that, but the file also detailed the extraterrestrial tech that lay beneath the cathedral. So the goddess is real and she’s— not really a goddess, but rather, a vampyr who created herself a human body to stand in the sun, and decided that it wants to be on humanity’s side… what the fuck.
Mark’s frown and confusion only increased as he read on. Thatcher’s notes seemed to nearly descend into madness as she had written about creating ‘the first hundred’, alluding to the 100 members of the Hunters division. Her plan was to revive the goddess, and with her help and expertise in genetics— use her DNA to transform the Hunters into demi-humans. Super soldiers. Literal children of the goddess Helena. They would then don the STR battlesuits, the first of the superhuman warriors to defend humanity. Solari.
Their lightning-speed advancement into technology was heralded by studying the alien tech, which deepened the understanding of physics and engineering. Nuclear technologies, chemical warfare, new material sciences, the mechs, and walkers, it was spearheaded by trying to reverse-engineer technology centuries ahead of our own… for the past hundred years. It wasn’t completely stolen, however. More or less borrowed ideas that had been made into our own with our own designs and implements. Still, the speed at which the Church and the military had deciphered such advancements all by themselves was… impressive to say the least.
Still, the fact that the goddess was alive, and could be brought back was big news. Checking the file for details, he found that the previous general, Jorgenson, had already approved this project. It was their next step as soon as they returned from New Amsterdam; which never happened.
If Helena was alive, then she could end this war swiftly, or at the very least help greatly like she once did during the War of Darkness. Having the goddess back would throw a massive wrench in the Crescent’s plans. It would certainly be something they wouldn’t expect. Not even I expected this, since many sources say that the goddess had already ascended to watch over humanity, while conspiracy theorists claim she had died in battle and that the Church was worshiping a corpse. This could be the trick up our sleeves that no one would even consider.
The colonel quickly got up from his seat and gathered the main files he had read. He placed them in a bag and rushed outside of his office in Facility 9. He went over to a nearby room and flicked the lights on. “We need to go,” he said. In an instant seven hemolite soldiers got up from whatever they were doing and instantly stood in line.
“Sir! Whatever you need of us, sir,” the group said in unison.
They were Hemo-1. His former squad members. He had taken up Louis' suggestion that they be his personal security detail. It was a shame that he had basically placed the best hemolite team out of commission, but after all he had been through he convinced himself that he could be just a little selfish. He didn’t want to lose any more friends. Not on his watch. Not while he was in an office, and they were out fighting.
“We’re going to New Lundun. Better pack up, it’s going to be a long night.”
“Mark,” Olivia said.
Jacobs turned to her direction and gave her a nod.
“Colonel, sir, may I ask where in New Lundun?”
“Liv, you don’t need to do that with me. Please. I give all of you special permission,” the colonel groaned. “It’s so weird. I mean, ‘captain’ was bad enough, but now you’re acting like I’m an authority figure.”
“You… are, though,” Emma shrugged.
“I’m your friend, and Liv I’m literally your partner. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish, save it for later.”
Olivia grinned, shaking her head. “Duly noted!” she chirped.
“That’s better,” Mark chuckled. “Now come on, we have a cathedral to visit.”
“Uhh, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re kinda… strigoi?!” Louis groaned. “I’d burn the moment I step in that place! Plus, it’s coated in silver! Anything I even touch will give me burns!”
“Oh come on, Lou. You have fucking gloves on. As long as you’re not a clumsy dumbass you’ll be fine… oh wait.’
“Uh huh, just sayin’ what I think, boss.”
The group headed out and Mark said something on his radio. He then sat on the ground, making his joints pop. The rest of the squad shrugged and followed his example, sitting down on the grass and waiting for… nothing. Charles and Zach looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, sir?” they asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out and traveling right now?”
“Oh yeah, we’re just waiting.”
“Foooor…?”
The colonel gave them a smirk as a loud noise began to make itself known. A hummingbird transport appeared out of the distance and stopped right above them, slowly descending into the grass. “Being colonel has its perks,” Mark said with a smile. He stood up and hopped inside the hummingbird as soon as it landed. “Come on now! We’ve got work to do! Last one aboard buys everyone food later!”
Emma zipped in before Mark could even finish his sentence, followed by Olivia, Phineas, Charles, Zach, and then Louis, who sadly took too long to process what the colonel said, and lagged behind.
“Aw, man! Fuck this shit.”
“Rules are rules, Lou. Prepare your wallet later.” Mark grinned.
With a smile, the colonel pulled Olivia to his side, who blushed for a moment before shaking her head. “Take us up! New Lundun Cathedral! How long would it take?” he asked the pilot.
“About an hour and a half!” The pilot replied. “Less if you want to get there as soon as possible!”
“Take your time! The night’s still young.”
The hummingbird started to lift up, taking them into the air. The group settled down in their seats and watched outside the open. Mark opened up a bag inside the hummingbird and took out some ear muffs built for a strigoi. Extremely loud noises were damaging for a strigoi’s enhanced hearing, so the military started implementing ear muffs for them after complaints from early deployments of the hemolite squads.
The trip didn’t take too long. In only an hour and twenty minutes they had arrived at the safe zone of New Lundun, heading straight for the cathedral. The night mass had just ended and people were leaving the cathedral. “Looks like we made it in perfect time!” Mark smiled. They hovered for a few minutes in the air before eventually landing down right in front of the statue of Helena.
As soon as they landed, the colonel and his group left the hummingbird. Mark instructed the pilot to wait for them. He went straight for the cathedral with his group following behind. He entered inside, clearing his throat. “Hello?”
“Well this is surely unexpected,” an old man said, walking up to greet them.
“Great Grandfather Aurelius. It’s uh, an honor.”
“Please. The honor is mine… I see you’re the new colonel. Yes, I’ve heard the news,” he said. “Would you mind telling me your name, young man? As well as your companions, if they feel so. I usually don’t allow duskwalkers here but, I have nothing against them. I’ll make an exception for your group.”
“Thank you, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “I am Colonel Mark Jacobs. These are my friends and security detail. Olivia, Zach, Phineas, Charles, Emma, and Louis.”
“I see, and what brings you here?”
“Since Thatcher’s demise, I was given access to her research and project folders upon taking up the title. I’ve learned about what’s under your cathedral,” Mark cleared his throat. “Would it be alright if we could see it? I’d like to check it for myself. Of course, under your permission and guidance, Great Grandfather.”
The church head looked from Mark to his companions. He pulled a slight frown and hummed. “Do these companions of yours have the clearance? Surely, we wish to keep our secrets hidden,” he said. Mark nodded.
“They do not have clearance to know what is in Thatcher’s folders and her findings,” the colonel nodded. “However, I give them permission to accompany me, and should they discover things for themselves, then you have my word and my trust that I can keep them from spilling state secrets.”
The Great Grandfather gave a short pause before ultimately relenting. “Very well,” he let out a sigh. “Follow me.”
Aurelius walked behind the altar and pulled the same lever, which opened the same staircase leading underground, where Jorgenson and Thatcher had once gone. “Over here, colonel,” he said. “I do not know you completely yet, but this is a big deal of trust I am giving you. Perhaps you would be the one to do things that Thatcher could not have.”
Mark nodded, he and his group followed the Great Grandfather down the staircase. It led down to a massive underground facility, with numerous priests, researchers, and scientists. Libraries, records, instruments, and artifacts of old. It was a treasure trove of learning.
“So,” Aurelius cleared his throat. “What would you like to know about?”
“This isn’t all of it,” Mark said. “Thatcher mentioned a living, breathing, Helena.”
His group behind him let out a soft gasp, but they tried their best to hide their surprise.
“Hm,” the Great Grandfather nodded. “Perceptive young man aren’t you? Very well.”
They were then led into another room, behind a set of heavy blast doors. If the whole group were trying to hide their surprise then, now they could barely contain it. Even the colonel stared awestruck at the things he had seen. Despite the near-magical objects around them, the true shock was the massive starship at the end of the hallway. “It’s impressive isn’t it?” Aurelius said. “All of the goddess’ artifacts and items at our disposal, to use and learn from, to integrate into our own. This is why Anglestan is the most powerful nation in the UHT in terms of development. When it comes to industry, however, that would go to the UNA. But we share our secrets with them. All our advancements are handed to them first before any other nation.”
“This is all amazing, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “But this is not what I’m here for.”
“No, it’s not.” Aurelius nodded.
He led them to another room, one that was sterilized and sported advanced machinery. Things that Mark had never even seen. There were screens with luminous green texts that appeared in front of it. Large panels with numerous keys, levers, and dials. Graphs of all sorts and beeping monitors. In the center, was the very thing he had come all this way to confirm. A large cylinder filled with liquid, sporting tubes and pipes connecting to its base. Inside was a woman of large proportion. Four arms, two legs, and six wings. In her bare chest was a symbol of the sun that seemed to glow dimly.
“There she is, there’s you goddess.”
Neither Mark nor his group spoke a word. He walked up to it, eyeing the woman inside. It really is her. Down to the last details. Golden hair, six limbs, six folded wings, and she looks massive. Probably as big as her statue just outside the cathedral. This is it. The very goddess in the history books, the one spoken about in legends and the one worshiped in the Churches of Sol.
“Can we free her?” he said.
The Great Grandfather nearly choked on his spit upon hearing those words. “Free her?! That could kill her! We don’t even understand this technology, let alone control it!” he said pointing at the panels. “The machines you see here are the best and most advanced we have based on what we can reverse engineer, but even then, the consequences of tampering with its functions may be disastrous!”
“I understand, Great Grandfather,” Mark said. “But we are in a dire situation, and the goddess may be our hope of turning this around. Whatever secrets of her tech that you don’t understand, wouldn’t she be able to teach us directly? What good is she floating around in Sol knows what?”
“That is her miraculous healing fluid. She had already built this contraption centuries ago in case anything were to happen to her, that her body’s natural healing could not sustain,” Aurelius said. “During the War of Darkness, Helena was struck with a weapon so deadly, her very cells began to tear away. The Reaper. Dealt to her by Absolem the progenitor. Her flesh was peeling from her body, and she began to decay whilst she still breathed. She entered this contraption and gave strict instructions to the Great Grandfather at the time, not to interrupt the healing process. The machine that monitored her, however, began to fail over time.”
“So this… these screens and panels…”
“Is only what functions we can understand. We took it upon ourselves to rebuild and study it the best we could. What we have right now is only a cheap imitation of a technology we do not fully comprehend,” he said. “It took us decades to even figure out the fundamentals and create a working prototype of this machine. By some miracle, the goddess’ healing process had remained even while we replaced components of technology ahead of ours.”
“But you know how to free her, don’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Great Grandfather Aurelius,” Mark began. “We can end this war. Imagine what we could do with the goddess fighting on our side. We could advance even further, we could finally end the bloodshed, and we can show humanity that there is still hope. Imagine how people all over the world would feel seeing as their goddess has returned.”
“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Aurelius said. “But it is simply too risky. The Church’s duty is to protect Helena and her legacy. We keep her alive, literally and figuratively. She nearly died the last time she was involved in a war. Would you risk losing the goddess?”
“Would you risk humanity losing?”
The Great Grandfather fell silent, looking back at Helena floating inside the tube, then to the panels that controlled it. He frowned and let out a long sigh. “The goddess said that we should not interrupt it. That it would end as soon as it was finished. Maybe we should trust her words.”
Mark shook his head. “I don’t spot a single blemish on the goddess. Not a single scratch,” he argued. “You said it yourself that the machine had begun to fail and you replaced components. How would you know that the thing that’s supposed to wake her up was not tampered with? Think about it. What you may think is a useless piece may be integral to the whole machine. Or maybe your replacements were not up to the task. Just because nothing’s happened doesn’t mean its functions have remained whole.”
“Young man, we simply cannot gamble with the goddess’ life here.”
“Have you no faith? Great Grandfather?”
Aurelius stepped back in shock. Mark’s companions looked at each other, clearly surprised as well. “Mark… I don’t think we should keep arguing with—” Olivia tried to say.
“No,” the colonel said firmly, cutting her off. “Great Grandfather Aurelius, do you think that Helena will not be able to pull through if we wake her? How long has it been? A century? How much longer will we wait? She may be immortal but humans aren’t.”
“I'm sorry, but the chances of failure are too high. The probability of her—”
“I don’t care about the probability! Would you rather put your faith in a statistic?!” Mark raised his voice. “I lost my mother to this war! My friends! My job! My eye, and almost my life! I’ve put mine on the line out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there! Was my mother’s death just a probability too? Was she just a statistic to you?! That as long as the numbers are good, no matter how many are lost, we are ‘winning’?!”
“Mark—!”
“No, Liv! He needs to know what’s really going on out there!” he spat. “Great Grandfather, with all due respect, but you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to be in the field. You’re a man of faith, aren’t you? Take a risk. Everyone else has.”
Aurelius stood there, dumbfounded. He bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists. “For your insolence, I would have had you flogged and stripped of your rank,” he glared at the young colonel. However, his features slowly softened, letting out a soft sigh. “But I have never seen such conviction. Mighty is your faith.”
The Great Grandfather moved over to the panels and reached into his robe, pulling out from around his neck a key with the symbol of the sun. He inserted it into the machine and turned. A beep sounded, right before Aurelius pulled a lever. In an instant, the fluid inside the glass chamber began to drain out into the tubes under it. Slowly, the chamber emptied and all that was left was the nude form of the goddess sitting in the glass.
“Did it work?” Louis asked, stepping forward and looking at the woman.
Aurelius stayed silent, his hands shaking in anticipation. Mark moved toward the glass chamber, when suddenly, the glass opened up like a door, releasing a fragrant mist. They stood there, watching for a whole minute. Nothing. At first nothing. The Great Grandfather looked like he was about to break down. His knees shook as he covered his mouth, thinking that he was responsible for the death of Helena.
That was when… a soft sound was heard. Movement. Olivia immediately went over to Mark and stood in front of him. Ready to protect him should anything happen. Slowly, the goddess moved more, her arms inched to the side.
Then, her eyes opened.

See the title ^
If you want to help spread the word, please find the source code and easy to follow instructions below. And thank you in advance for your help in this effort.
5 easy steps:

1. Download and install python: https://www.python.org/about/gettingstarted/
   
2. Install praw (the library that lets you talk to the Reddit API), you could read the documentation but serious, just type "pip3 install praw" into your terminal and that's all you need.
   
3. Download/copy the source code from here into a file called something like "super_important_reminder.py", modify it per the comments, and save.
   
4. Go into the directory with the file, and run the bot with the command: "python3 super_important_reminder.py"
   
5. If you want to really prove your worth, use crontab or something else to automate your computer to run that script every day, or every hour, or whatever floats your moat. Or if that's too hard, just run it manually every day, or every hour, or whatever floats your moat.
   

Okay so throwaway account, a little bit of backstory so u can understand better (also English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes) I have 2 aunts which r my mother sisters, they both have a daughter: O has her daughter R and E has her daughter F When I was 4 my father left us and my mother had to work 3 jobs to support me (I will always be thankful for that), I was always a quiet kid and never complained about anything, my cousin F instead (f19) always complained about everything. I didn’t really have a good relationship with my cousin since my mother and my aunts always gave her more attention but I never said anything. Fast forward, I’m 8 and my father wanted the house my and my mother were staying in back, so we had to go away (we lived at my O aunt’s house for a month) and, as much as it hurt me to leave everything and everyone behind, I never said anything, but around this time I stared having emotional outbursts such as crying, screaming, going mute for days, not eating and many other things. No one really gave me any attention since they were focusing on my mom a lot and I felt so lonely and hurt (I also developed an herpes patch on my arm from stress). After a month of living with my aunt (O) we moved to our current house, my mom finds a stable job and I’m going to school, I loose all previous friendships I had at my old place and I start feeling numb, like not really having any emotions, my cousins F also goes to school but does so much worse than me and still everyone keeps telling her how good she’s doing (I had an all 9/10 report card and she had a 6/10 one, but I still never say anything). I start middle school trying to make new friends but, since I wanted to replace my old ones, I never had any friends there, and the third year I start going to a therapist (which I had to beg my mom for), I tell her everything that’s happened to me so far. Fast forward I’m 17 and have been doing good at school (F still does bad but has more recognition than me), my father calls from time to time and it makes me feel like I’m an option for him but that’s not really a big deal, around this time I also buy animal crossing to play with my mom since i know this is a game she would like. One day she sits me down and tells me that a few months ago F was raped and ofc I feel bad and offer my support and all and still keep my feeling aside for her. Once again all my family’s attention goes to F and I feel excluded and lonely so I start to not go to school cause I wanted to feel seen and my family tells me how much my absence from school hurts them and that I’m a bad daughter and that I’m a disappointment. So ofc I start feeling even worse, I can’t get out of bed sometimes and feel physically sick, so I’m not really going to school but when I go I get good grades and pass to the next school year. As for now, I’m not really going to school because I can’t get out of bed and my family tells me I only think about myself and that I’m a bad and awful person, I have emotional outbursts (I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I think I could have a mental illness but my family just tells me that I’m lazy). I pleaded my mom for attention a couple days ago (I wanted to play animal crossing together and we did for like 30 minutes before she didn’t give me any attention anymore because she was editing a pic of her and F together, which I told her i could do the next day but she said no) because she still gives F more attention than me, and today (I stayed home from school) she screamed at me that I only think about myself and that I’m a narcissist, keep in mind she always screams this nasty words to me when I stay home from school. What should I do? I feel like such a disappointment, I want a mom but she doesn’t understand that and keeps insulting me and not showing me love. Thank u in advance at anyone who will give me some advice!!

As the title says, I F(25), have a crush on my F(29) coworker and we both have happy relationships. (both of us are queer but 1 in a hetero). This isn’t going anywhere but I just really want to share with SOMEONE how I feel.
I’ve been working at this newer job for about a year now. My coworker Leti has been there for roughly 4 years. We work on the same floor but on different ends of the building. Our jobs are very similar and sometimes we have lunch together in a group with others but I don’t get to work with her directly. When I first arrived Leti was immediately open, warm, and welcoming. She has made an effort to make me feel included but it’s not just me, I have noticed she has amazing connections with everyone. She’s so funny and kind to all those around her. Everyone always has a smile when they are talking with her. Her smile and laughter is contagious and her energy radiates.
I’ve found myself getting nervous around her and feeling like I stumble over my words a bit. I notice i’m making reasons to go talk to her and to be around her or share random work stuff. We will spend our breaks together every so often laughing and talking the whole time. Shes helped me adjust to my new job and gave me her number so I can text her if I needed. She’s reached out to start a small project with me where we meet weekly to work together. I feel like she always laughs at my jokes, compliments me, and is super supportive.
Recently Leti has asked me if I wanted to hangout outside of work and go get some drinks. I excitedly agreed and we are making a plan to hangout next week.
I think she is just really kind and friendly and simply wants to make a friend but I can’t help but get butterflies when I talk to her. She’s so beautiful and her energy is so bright, gentle, and grounding(she’s an earth sign).I feel so connected to her and drawn in by her personality almost like a magnet. She is a one of a kind person. I don’t know how I am supposed to calmly hangout with her outside of work and act like just chill friends when I am crushing this hard.
I feel like the added layer of us both being queer women leaves so much more room for misinterpretion. She’s made many efforts and moves to advance our friendship and talk more. When we talk sometimes i’ve noticed she seems to get a little bit more awkward around me. I can’t tell if she has a crush too or if i’m making it up.

I'm currently being stalked and struggling with relationships. And when I talk about relationships I don't only mean romance, I mean friendships. I feel like most people in my circle don't really care about me. It's me who is always starting the conversations and initiating the plans. I've tested this out before and some of these "friends" won't contact me at all if I don't contact them. And a lot of them aren't really there for me when I need them the most. I have like 3 solid friends who actually reciprocate and put in the work but the issue is two of them are far away from me, in different countries. I only have one good friend who lives in my city but he's not available all the time (which is 100% understandable since everyone isn't available all the time, myself included). And I understand some people are introverted and are less likely to start conversations...I'm extroverted. But it still hurts when these "friends" don't put any effort. Im wondering if I should tell these friends how I feel or if I should just ghost/ block them? And btw I have told some of them how I felt before and they said that they were willing to change and told me they valued the friendship. But words are words and actions speak louder and so far I've felt that none of those "friends" made any effort... TL ; DR : most of my friends don't put in any effort to talk to me or hangout...should I block them or tell them how I feel?

How Organizations Like the Special Olympics Promote Sports for People with Disabilities

Organizations such as the Special Olympics play a vital role in promoting sports for people with disabilities. They create inclusive opportunities, foster community support, and raise awareness about the abilities of individuals with disabilities. Below are detailed strategies and initiatives employed by the Special Olympics to promote sports for people with disabilities.

Inclusive Sports Programs

• Variety of Sports: Special Olympics offers a diverse range of sports tailored to individuals with intellectual disabilities, including athletics, swimming, basketball, soccer, and more.
• Multiple Levels of Competition: Athletes can compete at local, regional, national, and international levels, ensuring opportunities for all skill levels.
• Adapted Sports: Sports are adapted to meet the needs of athletes with varying abilities, ensuring inclusive participation.

Unified Sports

• Mixed Teams: Unified Sports teams consist of athletes with and without intellectual disabilities, promoting social inclusion and teamwork.
• Building Relationships: This initiative helps foster friendships, understanding, and respect among participants, breaking down social barriers.
• Competitive Opportunities: Unified Sports provides competitive opportunities where all participants can contribute and succeed together.

Training and Coaching

• Qualified Coaches: Special Olympics invests in training programs for coaches to equip them with the necessary skills to support athletes with disabilities.
• Adaptive Coaching Methods: Coaches learn to adapt their techniques to meet the diverse needs of athletes, focusing on skill development, teamwork, and personal growth.
• Continuous Development: Ongoing training ensures coaches remain up-to-date with best practices in coaching athletes with disabilities.

Health and Wellness Initiatives

• Healthy Athletes Program: Provides free health screenings and education to athletes, addressing issues like dental health, vision, and overall fitness.
• Fit 5 Program: Encourages athletes to engage in regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and proper hydration.
• Promoting Well-being: These initiatives aim to improve the physical and mental well-being of athletes, ensuring they are healthy and fit to participate in sports.

Youth Engagement and Education

• Unified Champion Schools: A program that integrates sports and education to create inclusive school environments, promoting understanding and inclusion from a young age.
• Youth Leadership: Programs that encourage young people to become leaders and advocates for inclusion within their schools and communities.
• Inclusive Activities: Schools partner with Special Olympics to organize inclusive sports activities and awareness campaigns.

Advocacy and Awareness Campaigns

• Campaigns for Inclusion: Initiatives like "Spread the Word to End the Word" and "Choose to Include" aim to change societal attitudes and promote acceptance of individuals with disabilities.
• Showcasing Achievements: Campaigns highlight the accomplishments of athletes, demonstrating their abilities and potential.
• Raising Awareness: Ongoing efforts to educate the public about the benefits of inclusive sports and the capabilities of people with disabilities.

Community Involvement and Volunteering

• Volunteer Engagement: The organization relies on volunteers for event support, coaching, and various other roles, fostering community involvement.
• Building Support Networks: Engaging community members creates a supportive environment for athletes and promotes a culture of inclusion.
• Local Events: Community-based events raise awareness and provide opportunities for local participation and support.

Partnerships and Sponsorships

• Corporate Sponsorships: Partnerships with businesses provide financial support, resources, and expertise, enhancing the organization’s capacity to deliver programs.
• Government Collaboration: Working with government agencies helps to promote inclusive policies and secure funding.
• Non-Profit Alliances: Collaborations with other non-profits strengthen advocacy efforts and resource sharing.

Global Reach and Impact

• International Presence: Operating in over 190 countries, Special Olympics reaches millions of athletes worldwide.
• World Games: Hosting international competitions like the Special Olympics World Games showcases the talents of athletes globally and promotes unity and inclusion.
• Cultural Exchange: These events facilitate cultural exchange and understanding among athletes from different backgrounds.

Research and Development

• Informed Strategies: Investing in research helps the organization understand the needs of athletes and develop effective programs.
• Continuous Improvement: Research findings inform program improvements and innovations, ensuring high-quality support for athletes.
• Evidence-Based Practices: Using research to adopt best practices in sports and inclusion.

Celebrating Achievements

• Awards and Recognition: Athletes are celebrated through awards ceremonies, medal presentations, and public recognition events.
• Boosting Confidence: Celebrating achievements enhances the self-esteem and confidence of athletes, encouraging continued participation.
• Inspiring Others: Recognizing accomplishments inspires other individuals with disabilities to get involved in sports.

Leadership Programs

• Athlete Leadership Programs (ALPs): Training athletes in public speaking, advocacy, and governance to become leaders within the organization and their communities.
• Empowerment: Providing opportunities for athletes to take on leadership roles empowers them and amplifies their voices.
• Representation: Athlete leaders represent their peers, advocating for their needs and rights.

Technology and Innovation

• Digital Platforms: Utilizing online platforms to connect athletes, coaches, and supporters, expanding the reach of programs.
• Virtual Competitions: Hosting virtual events and competitions to ensure continuous engagement, especially during times when in-person events are not possible.
• Social Media Campaigns: Leveraging social media to raise awareness and engage a broader audience.

Family Support and Engagement

• Family Programs: Involving families in the sports journey of athletes and providing them with support and resources.
• Networking Opportunities: Creating support groups and networks for families to share experiences and advice.
• Community Building: Strengthening the community around athletes through family involvement.

Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) Alignment

• Supporting SDGs: Aligning initiatives with the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals, particularly those related to health, education, and reducing inequalities.
• Global Impact: Contributing to global efforts to ensure health, education, and inclusion for all through sports.
• Long-Term Goals: Promoting sustainable practices and long-term development through inclusive sports programs.

Conclusion

Organizations like the Special Olympics are instrumental in promoting sports for people with disabilities. Their comprehensive approach includes inclusive sports programs, health and wellness initiatives, advocacy and awareness campaigns, and community involvement. By fostering inclusion, celebrating achievements, and empowering athletes, these organizations not only enhance the lives of individuals with disabilities but also contribute to a more inclusive and accepting society. Their efforts pave the way for a world where everyone, regardless of ability, can participate in and benefit from the joy of sports.

Announcement

For More Visit "Project Awaken . Us" to learn more about this.

GENESIS 1:2 (Holy Spirit 1st Appearance)
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
GENESIS 1:26 (God Speaks 2 Holy Spirit)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
PROVERBS 8:22-31 (Holy Spirit Recounts Time Spent With God + Genesis)
22 “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; 23 I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be. 24 When there were no watery depths, I was given birth, when there were no springs overflowing with water; 25 before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth, 26 before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust of the earth. 27 I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, 28 when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, 29 when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. 30 Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, 31 rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.
PROVERBS 8:32-36 (Holy Spirit = Life)
32 “Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. 33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34 Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord. 36 But those who fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love death.”
JOHN 1:4 (Holy Spirit = Life)
4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
PROVERBS 8:1-21 (Holy Spirit = Wisdom)
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 2 At the highest point along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 3 beside the gate leading into the city, at the entrance, she cries aloud: 4 “To you, O people, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, set your hearts on it. 6 Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. 8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. 9 To the discerning all of them are right; they are upright to those who have found knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. 12 “I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. 13 To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. 14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have insight, I have power. 15 By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just; 16 by me princes govern, and nobles—all who rule on earth. 17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. 18 With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19 My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, 21 bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me and making their treasuries full.

GENESIS 1:2 (Holy Spirit 1st Appearance)
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
GENESIS 1:26 (God Speaks 2 Holy Spirit)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
PROVERBS 8:22-31 (Holy Spirit Recounts Time Spent With God + Genesis)
22 “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; 23 I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be. 24 When there were no watery depths, I was given birth, when there were no springs overflowing with water; 25 before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth, 26 before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust of the earth. 27 I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, 28 when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, 29 when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. 30 Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, 31 rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.
PROVERBS 8:32-36 (Holy Spirit = Life)
32 “Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. 33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34 Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord. 36 But those who fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love death.”
JOHN 1:4 (Holy Spirit = Life)
4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
PROVERBS 8:1-21 (Holy Spirit = Wisdom)
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 2 At the highest point along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 3 beside the gate leading into the city, at the entrance, she cries aloud: 4 “To you, O people, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, set your hearts on it. 6 Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. 8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. 9 To the discerning all of them are right; they are upright to those who have found knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. 12 “I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. 13 To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. 14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have insight, I have power. 15 By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just; 16 by me princes govern, and nobles—all who rule on earth. 17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. 18 With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19 My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, 21 bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me and making their treasuries full.

GENESIS 1:2 (Holy Spirit 1st Appearance)
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
GENESIS 1:26 (God Speaks 2 Holy Spirit)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
PROVERBS 8:22-31 (Holy Spirit Recounts Time Spent With God + Genesis)
22 “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; 23 I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be. 24 When there were no watery depths, I was given birth, when there were no springs overflowing with water; 25 before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth, 26 before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust of the earth. 27 I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, 28 when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, 29 when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. 30 Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, 31 rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.
PROVERBS 8:32-36 (Holy Spirit = Life)
32 “Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. 33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34 Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord. 36 But those who fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love death.”
JOHN 1:4 (Holy Spirit = Life)
4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
PROVERBS 8:1-21 (Holy Spirit = Wisdom)
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 2 At the highest point along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 3 beside the gate leading into the city, at the entrance, she cries aloud: 4 “To you, O people, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, set your hearts on it. 6 Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. 8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. 9 To the discerning all of them are right; they are upright to those who have found knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. 12 “I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. 13 To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. 14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have insight, I have power. 15 By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just; 16 by me princes govern, and nobles—all who rule on earth. 17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. 18 With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19 My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, 21 bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me and making their treasuries full.

GENESIS 1:2 (Holy Spirit 1st Appearance)
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
GENESIS 1:26 (God Speaks 2 Holy Spirit)
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
PROVERBS 8:22-31 (Holy Spirit Recounts Time Spent With God + Genesis)
22 “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old; 23 I was formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be. 24 When there were no watery depths, I was given birth, when there were no springs overflowing with water; 25 before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth, 26 before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust of the earth. 27 I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, 28 when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, 29 when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. 30 Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, 31 rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.
PROVERBS 8:32-36 (Holy Spirit = Life)
32 “Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. 33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34 Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord. 36 But those who fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love death.”
JOHN 1:4 (Holy Spirit = Life)
4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
PROVERBS 8:1-21 (Holy Spirit = Wisdom)
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 2 At the highest point along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 3 beside the gate leading into the city, at the entrance, she cries aloud: 4 “To you, O people, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, set your hearts on it. 6 Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. 8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. 9 To the discerning all of them are right; they are upright to those who have found knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. 12 “I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. 13 To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. 14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have insight, I have power. 15 By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just; 16 by me princes govern, and nobles—all who rule on earth. 17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. 18 With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. 19 My fruit is better than fine gold; what I yield surpasses choice silver. 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice, 21 bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me and making their treasuries full.

1997 babies, in friendship What is your maximum age difference? for example older by 7 or younger than 4 I opened a page on Insta called gen1997gen
for me, I don't mind even she is the same age of my mother and father, but when we come to someone who is younger than me, I prefer the maximum of five years or less. I tried to befriend a woman who is 26 years older than me because she was friendly, and I still want to try intll now. I like her personality very much. But she doesn't talk much. i was around Women older than me are 13, 10, and 4 older, but I felt that I was comfortable with the older one compared to the one who was only 4 years older than me. And here it was completely proven to me that age is just a number. It doesn't matter how many years there is a difference, and with regard to those who are younger than me Why do I prefer to befreind with just 5 , 4 younger then me ? Simply put, some of them call us old people only because of the age difference of 6 For example, I know that I will not call anyone old Of course no one likes this word, but I also cannot bear to hear it, so I don 't prefer to be friends with someone who is younger than me. What do you think of this?

I’m in this friendship where we met through a mutual ex friend and we realized she was talking about us behind our backs. I suppose you could call it a trauma bond friendship. We were more alike we connected instantly and we walked away from an unhealthy friendship. She tells me I’m her only female friend and she only is friends with men (that she friendzones)4
Fast forward a month she starts dating a guy and was between this guy and an ex and I was like this guy seems really nice and is going places and I was trying to reason with her. As I’m leaving I see the guy she likes looks troubled and I said hey you’re a really nice guy and regardless of what happens you’re awesome. She was happy initially with our interaction and thanked me.
She calls me later angry that I shared some kind words to her bf and my perspective and twisted the narrative that I was into her man and I’m like ???? no I’m not I live with my partner who I love dearly and I’m not attracted to her guy in the slightest. She kept giving me the run around and I’m like look I am busy I don’t have time for this. She gets angry and cuts me off for like a week or two. She comes back after they break up and starts talking about how she’s back with her ex.
Later she inquired about guy advice and at this point I’m no longer comfortable because of the last interaction around guys. She’s like say something even our ex friend was good at giving advice. which hurt me ofc so I attempt advice and ever since then she’s always called me about guy advice.
One of the things in my previous friendship I didn’t like was constantly having men as a focal point in the friendship and topic of conversation. With this friend What started as mild venting turned into hours long talks and spirals and how to send a text to a guy and what to say. I don’t have a lot of time to myself and it starts getting in the way of my partner and my time together because im always on the phone with her or tending to her needs.
Something about her is she’s always talking to someone new and can’t figure out what she wants. She also is validated constantly on her beauty and she uses that as a way to justify she will find someone either way. While she’s talking to this guy she has another in the side that says things like when we linkin and acts like a fckboi and I’m like girl he’s only lookin for one thing. She says I have a lot of guys who want to date me that’s so rude I have guys saying they want to marry me and after 20 minutes of arguing I walk it back and rephrase to calm her down. We don’t talk until she needs something again.
She assumes this guy is autistic because of something a old school mate said about him(while school mate is trying to talk to her) I said take it with a grain of salt .
Then it came to a head the other day where I was having a relationship issue and she was surprisingly helpful and she calls me later saying the guy she’s talking to doesn’t want her in his life and I said he’s got a lot in his family life and I said I’d be upset too and she said well he’s autistic so I can’t be too mad . I said autism doesn’t excuse bad behavior if that’s the case. And she flips it around on me and says I can’t get mad at him because my therapist said x y z and I said no you don’t have to be an ass to him but you can still feel upset that he said something hurtful because it’s not healthy to deny your feelings. We kind of awkwardly hang up and she sends me a passive aggressive text. Today she sent 2 needling me and saying I’m projecting my relationship issues onto her relationship.
She often gets upset with the way I handle our conflict in these arguments we go back and forth so much I get louder so I can be heard . the entire time she says why are you yelling. Why can’t you have a normal conversation without yelling .I’m getting emotional because my words are getting flipped and I’ll pause to rethink what I said and she’ll question if I’m actually listening and point out things that I said and I’m like …did I say that? Every single argument.
Am I being too sensitive ? Am I overthinking it? Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a separate reality from her.Regardless I don’t know if a relationship like this is sustainable for me. I feel like I walk on eggshells and this is the only friendship I experience this dynamic. I could really use some next steps. Apology for how long this is . I really wanted to flesh out the dynamics from my perspective.

Hello all,
I know that the title of my post is "out there," but it's what I'm currently experiencing.
I'm a fairly young widow (29F) that was married to a man significantly older than myself. My husband and I had bought a house together in an area that was predomenantly for older, wealthier, and "more established" individuals months before he passed. With that being said, everyone on the block has more than likely been well informed about my situation, knows that I am widowed, and that my husband was much older. They also probably assume that I was a gold digger or something along those lines, which I very much am not.
The problem that I'm facing right now is that it's become apparent to me (flat out told to me) that I've become persona non grata in the neighborhood. Apparently, the women in my neighborhood view me as some sort of threat since I'm "young, attractive, and newly single" (NOT MY WORDS!) . They actively ignore me and have instructed their husbands to do the same. Please note: I have absolutely no intentions to steal anyone's husband, am still very much processing the death of my own husband, and have kept to myself since moving here.
**I don't know how long I intend to keep the house. Right now, I'm looking at at least a year but, if I like the area, I'm open to staying indefinitely.**
My question(s) is/are: 1) Do I try to make some sort of amends with the women of the neighborhood to keep the peace, or do I just continue living life as I have been (not really engaging/ keeping to myself)? ... and 2) has anyone else been through such a ridiculous situation? You'd think that I was actively flirting with all the men on the block (which I VERY MUCH am not) to warrant this behavior.
Thank you all for reading

Okay so I have this friend, Madi, and for context, I am older than her by a little over four months (my birthday was may 13th and hers is september 15th) (shes twelve btw) so I know that since I'm older, I should try and not neccesarily take responsibility for her actions, but I need too at least make sure she doesnt do anything reckless, y'know? And that would all be fine and stuff if she didnt treat me like a damn dog. Like seriously, I feel more like a dog she can mess with other than an actual friend. She's immature, ignorant, controlling, cant take no for an answer, lazy, and so many other words too. I have many reasons as to why I hate this friendship, but I'll list a few.

1. She's too controlling. Theres many examples I could choose from, but some of them are the fact that she always asks me if I want to cone over and spend the night, then gets mad at me when I dont want too and she always tries to preassure me into saying yes. This used to work, but now it doesnt. Shes also always the one in charge of what we do when we hang out, and when I want to do something else, she drags her feet or just straight up says no. Another point like this is that when I don't want to do something, she forces me to do it anyways. Like for example, the last time I went over to her house, she forced me to make choreography to a few Hazbin Hotel songs and wouldnt let me close the front door despite me clearly veing uncomfortable with having it opened. I was unconfortable because our parents were outside the door and I didnt want to dance in front of them because I would be embarassed. I literally had to push the door back with all my strength just to close it because she was trying to push it open to prevent me from closing the door. Another thing that happened last time was that she decided that she wanted to scare her neighbors by throwing rocks at their house, and despite me obviously not wanting too she once again forced me to come along. But, at least she was nice enough to let me just stay hidden behind a log while she did it, so at least theres that. Then she made me run all the way back to the house in a weird direction (we literally ran across the yard at first, then ran back by going from one side of her other neighbors house to the other, then running along the side of the road to the house.), then when we got back she immediately ratted both of us out to our parents. Luckily she told them the real story, so she was the only one who got yelled at, but she tried to pin everything on me right afterwards! I didnt even want to do that woth her and she tries to get me in trouble too?? What the fuck dude?! This pisses me off so much its insane.
   
2. Okay we've covered how controlling she is, now we'll move on too just how uncomfortable I am around her. She's always making sexual innuendos about everything, or telling me about how some random 19 year old sent her nudes, or just so many other innapropriate things too and Im just genuinely unconfortable around her. She also has a boyfriend (her relationships are a whole other issue I'll get too later), and she's told me so many times about how when she meets her boyfriend they'll break the bed or she'll suck him off or how hard she'll make him and it's like "jesus youre twelve and he's ten can you chill" and I dont know how to express how uncomfortable I am with this stuff other than through anger or joking about my anger but not really joking and it's just so annoying I hate it. This isnt just a one-time thing either, this has happened many tines, with her making me uncomfortable with her sexual behavior. Like one time, this was last year, we were watching Helluva Boss at her house and I was sitting next to her and she forcefully grabbed my thigh. Not like in the inner thigh, but she grabbed the like outer parts of it, and when I took her hand off my thigh and told her to stop, she kept on putting it back on over and over until I moved away and forced her to stop. I dont know if this counts as groping or what, since she is younger than me and it wasnt in the inner thigh, but if it was then can someone let me know? Anyways, another example of a time she made me uncomfortable was when she forced me to go on Omeagle when it was still up and we saw nine different male genitalia. She wouldnt let me stop until she was done.
   
3. As I mentioned in 2, she's in a relationship with a guy she met online. She got with him after only knowing him for like two hours, and she's already saying that once she meets him theyll do a bunch of inapropriate stuff, and honestly this doesnt surprise me. Shes like this with a bunch of her relationships, she gets in one in a short time, then devotes her entire life to them, then when they break up she gets upset and angry, then forgets about them the second she gets in a new relationship. Shes twelve and she's already in her eighth relationship, then she rants about her love life to me when she can. She only posts about her boyfriend, she only talks about her boyfriend, and she's even said many times about how she'd put her boyfriend over her friends and family, and honestly I feel unaprecciated by her because of this. How do you put a boy online you've known for less than a week over a girl you've known since you were like seven? It doesnt make sense.
   
4. Okay I swear this is the final one, but she's genuinely so childish. Like, more than she should be at her age. She does so much shit she's not supposed too, she argues with her parents, she never does any schoolwork, she's messy, she doesnt take no for an answer, she always needs to be right and in control, she always needs her way, and she's just so annoying. Like, Im sure she doesnt mean too, but she needs to have more self control. Like she's almost thirteen, if she doesnt quit doing stuff like that throwing rocks at peoples houses thing I mentioned or arguing with her parents, she's gonna get both of us in trouble. Even if I dont do anything, I'll get in trouble like her due to just being there or being a witness, she'll get us both put in jail. I cant let that happen, not now, not ever. I genuinely dont feel safe or comfortable being with her, but guess what? I'll have to be with her because our parents are friends, our dads are even in a band together, so I need to be her friend or else it could cause a dent in my parents relationships with her parents! Im genuinely tired of it.
   

Im thinking of setting the record straight with her eventually. I dont know if it'll be in a month or when she turns thirteen, but I just need to get this straight, y'know? Im thinking of exercising more to build physical strength, that way if she gets violent I can protect myself, and I'll probably start writing out what to say to her soon, maybe sonetime next week since my final day is next week on wednesday, then I'll be on summer break. Does anyone have any input on what to do? Or any input at all? Also, thank you for reading this far, I know I've written a lot so I really appreciate it <3 okay idk how to end this now ok bye

To preface this, I have never really considered that I might have ASD because I don't match a lot of the DSM criteria since I don't experience sensory sensitivities, have a need for routine/dislike change, have issues understanding social cues at least from what I am aware of, etc (sorry I know this is a very generalized list of symptoms and I know I have limited understanding of ASD and apologize if it's reductive). I feel as though I am decently able to fit in with others, I'm included in things when I hang out with people and I feel like I could be perceived externally as being NT, but internally I feel very strange and am realizing that the way I process information and my emotions seems really different to most people I know.
To explain more about the processing part, I can learn subjects pretty quickly and am good with abstract subjects but struggle with picking up more technical tasks/subjects since it just seems like complete information overload. The way I learn is that I take in information and I immediately tie it to the concept behind it and then connect it to many other concepts I've learned that could be completely random/unrelated. To illustrate, I really enjoy reading and writing poetry because it gives me the space to play around and tie together concepts that haven't been thought of together before, since I just have a lot of random connections between things in my brain. However if someone were to ask me to explain the meaning of a poem, I feel like there's so many abstractions and impressions that I've made from that poem that I can't capture the essence of it or tie it into a single cohesive narrative to explain to other people. I end up saying something but it feels like I am talking empty/filler words about such a specific detail and I can't really communicate the big-picture meaning in a linear way for others to understand. The only way I can communicate my understanding of a poem is by writing more poetry which doesn't have a linear sequence but is instead based on impressions/this circular understanding. I guess in general I feel like I really struggle communicating myself with others and have always felt very misunderstood, because the way my thoughts exist is not in a form that I can communicate with others.
Also for emotions, the way I feel them seems to be more detached rather than immediate, like my emotions go through a separate processing before I can really feel them. I also might have mild alexithymia (?), if I try to describe how I feel 'excited' or 'regretful' or 'depressed' it doesn't really capture the full nuance of the emotion I feel, so I avoid labeling them and instead have to express them through things like writing. I always relate emotions in my immediate personal life to some abstract narrative of that emotion in order for me to feel it. This also affects the ways I make friends, I have struggled with what I thought was just avoidant attachment because I have never maintained friendships where I actually felt close to the other person for more than a few years. This is probably because I tend to be really principled in my actions and treat others according to those principles (like being empathetic, kind, etc), but those principles don't really tell me how to act in everyday behaviors like joking around and less serious stuff like that. Because of this, I don't enjoy casual friendships that much because I never feel comfortable and I think this might be me masking, I think I subconsciously mimic and incorporate other peoples' inside jokes/way of interacting into my own personality but have done so successfully enough that I didn't realize. I feel a lot more comfortable with more serious friendships where we can have good conversations about our interests and experiences, and then I can communicate normally without being super tense/anxious. I've also struggled a lot with my identity and not feeling like a person, I have a very fluid sense of self and hate tying it down to any external labels so I am constantly trying to find new definitions for myself but then realize that no definition will ever really fit
Some other things I've noticed is that I am really awful at making eye contact because it makes me zone out, but if I dart my eyes around it helps me focus and form thoughts (I physically cannot think when I am making eye contact with someone because it stresses me out). Also have a hard time translating my interests into the real world and advancing them/applying them (I believe this might be ADHD though). And also random haha but I have face blindness and aphantasia, and have seen people say this is correlated with ASD.
Sorry for the very long post, thanks a lot for reading this far! If anyone relates to this post or has any thoughts/insight about whether these might be signs of ASD I would really appreciate it :)