My bf n I have been together for 3yrs now n I'm worried it's not working anymore but at the same time I'm relieved. I'm 18 n my bf is 22, things were great at the beginning of our relationship till about 8-9month in which is when I got diagnosed with high functioning Autism and ADHD. I decided to go to 2 different kinds of therapy to help get coping skills and to help communication and emotional regulation. Unfortunately he's not very understanding when it comes to my neurodivergencies and has asked me to change alot of aspects about myself. I did because I love him and wanted things to work out. A year and a half into our relationship he got diagnosed with BPD, which I have quite a few friends n family members with bpd. He went to therapy for a few months then quit because he didn't like it. We went through a few rough patches around that time which is common for that point in a relationship. But 2yrs into our relationship we went on a trip with his family for our 2yr anniversary. Well on the trip he treated me like shit and spent more time with his parents then he did me. I tried talking to him abt it while on the trip n he lost it on me saying "it's never enough for you is it" before slamming the door on my face. Later on the trip I had a cyst burst (I have PCOS) and when that happens I need to seek medical attention because it can cause my ovaries to rupture n cause internal bleeding. He refused to take me to a doctor or hospital because his "parents arnt going to want to have to take sm1 to the hospital for a little thing". I didn't have any tampons or pads because I wasn't supposed to be bleeding or get my period. I had to borrow 3 tampons from his sister which were too small for how much blood I was having. I had to go 2 days with 3 tampons and make shift toilet paper pads. When he finally took me into town to get tampons n pads he refused to pay for them and then his mum asked if I returned the tampons I borrowed from his sister. I asked to go to the hospital because I was in excruciating pain n bleeding through a super+ in 30 minutes. No one took me to the hospital till I got back home to the mainland. When I went to the hospital he got mad because I was being passive about it. Ever since the vacation things have only gotten worse n he just gaslights me saying I don't care and I'm never there for him, but if I text him all the time n ask to see him he gets mad at me saying I'm too clingy n he doesn't need or want sm1 there all the time. Idk what to do because no matter what I do it's not good enough and I'm doing something wrong in one way or another. I need advice.

I'm feeling lost and unsure about my relationship with my boyfriend 18M, and I 19F could really use some advice. We met in medical school and have been together for 9months ish. Idk what to say or even how to say it but I know that I love him but I just don’t know if we are compatible for each other. When I first met him, I was infatuated by him. Damn near obsessed. He seemed out of reach explicitly claiming he didn’t want a relationship until after college so we remained as friends, and i remained having a big fat crush on him and continuing to fantasise about him. Until one day I took a chance and kissed him, which led to us starting a serious relationship.
At first, everything was perfect. I was head over heels for him, hanging on his every word and eagerly accepting every invitation for a date night. I mean seriously I was like a little girl everytime I saw him send me a message. But as time went on, I started to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of his love and attention. I never thought I stood a chance with this guy and to say I felt overwhelmed by his love made me feel guilty. I mean how dare I? I was pining hopelessly for this unavailable guy asking God to work his magic and when he did - I didn’t want it? I mean yeah at the start it felt nice, I felt like a princess, I felt seen I felt heard I felt wanted. But then it started to feel like the more love he gave me the more trapped I felt. It all became too much he was becoming overly obsessed and I felt uncomfortable with it. It felt like too much, and I struggled to cope with it.
Things took a turn when we started spending more time together, and I practically moved into his apartment. It started when he invited me over for a sleepover at his apartment alone and yanno ofc we ended up doing the dead which made strengthened our relationship it made me feel starstruck with him all over again (we were also each others firsts which helped a lot) and the sleepovers became a regular thing. But in due time living with him made me realize his flaws - his lack of hygiene, his disorganization, and his immaturity. His constant phone calls with his mom, sometimes four times a day, drove me crazy, especially when they interrupted our time together, especially our sexy time. I found it absurd how often he calls his mom and we still weren’t ready to bring either of our parents into the picture which meant when he called her I had to go outside (sometimes in freezing cold weather) I wasn’t going to let this continue any longer so I spoke to him about it. In about a month he reduced the frequency of the calls but she still constantly texts him like they’re in a relationship or something idk but I find that very odd to this day. I don’t have a personal problem with his mom but she is very clingy and very obsessed with him and I don’t know if she’s the type to continue this when she finds out he’s ina relationship in which case I’ll live every woman’s worst nightmare in which their mother in law is in love with their husband, or if she’s just a cute sweet caring mom who checks in on her son all day. Who knows. Because he doesn’t tell me anything about her. I don’t know what they talk about on the phone all day everyday sometimes he shows me their texts but it’s usually just good morning, what have you eaten today and memes. The real juice is in their calls in which I have no idea what they discuss. But hey gotta give a man his privacy I guess.
Disclaimer — I don’t really know what is right and wrong to do in a relationship, this being my first one but I know that there are somethings that just don’t sit right with me. Am I supposed to be ok with the fact that he talks to his mom all the time? Am i supposed to find I find it sweet how fond he is of her? Or do I have a right to feel a little neglected at the frequency and nature of their conversations? I don’t know and I’m battling myself just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Our fights lately since unofficially moving in have become more frequent, centered around his immaturity, neglect, and broken promises. He promised me he would make me feel more included with his mom and his conversations since we weren’t ready to get parents involved yet. He didn’t. He promsied me hed be more organized and tidy. He didn’t. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up after him and catering to his needs, while mine are ignored. I love him, but I'm not sure if I can continue like this. Like I said I don’t have anytning personal against his mom but I do think she’s the reason he expects me to cater his needs in a very mother like way. She refuses to let him grow but constantly being up his ass and well idk. I want a man not a man child. Our age gap is around 1.5 years and it didn’t bother me at the start but when I began living with him his age came through. I mean on our anniversary he told me he was getting me flowers and had the audacity to take me to the flower shop with him???? He completely took away from the purpose of the flowers in that I wanted to be surprised and made to feel special. But idk the way I was raised you don’t tell a woman you’re getting her flowers and then take her to pick them. It seemed like a lack of effort and respect. He could’ve discreetly asked me what my favorite flowers are or asked my friends to find out , but he took a short cut. We had a huge fight after that I felt completely embarrassed I refused to enter the shop I sat outside in shame instead.
Pre fights, I noticed he had stop taking me out on dates and finding time for us to be intimate or spend any sort of time together and I think this aiding in the tension leading up to the fights we’ve been having lately. And You know I can write all day about the annoying and disrespectful things he does all day. The time he lied about going through my search history, the flower thing, the mom thing, breaking promises (hed promise to spend more time with me and sometning would always come up) but the point is I’m really sick of not being given my relationship rights and decided wether or not I should leave this relationship or try to save it. Often when we fight I’m less mad about what we are fighting about but more about how he handles it especially when we both know he’s in the wrong. he denies responsibility, deflects responsibility to someone else , justifies it finds excuses. If all else fails, he will ball his eyes out in front of me - violently hit things around the house. I’ll comfort him and tell him it’s fine I forgive him. But today was the day I stopped doing that. I stopped feeding into his manipulations. I let him cry and he refused to eat. And I asked for space no talking no touching until I’m ready - he didn’t respect my wishes and kept approaching me and trying to bargain with me and touch me. Ugh I just felt violated by him.
What should I do? How can I navigate these challenges and decide what's best for me? Despite how I made him seem he was once a sweet boy who would move mountains for me but I don’t know how much longer I can bare this. Do I accept the fact that maybe he’s too young for me and we aren’t compatible? Or do I help him grow and be patient with him? Thank you Reddit.
TLDR; My bf and I have left the honeymoon phase and are arguing nearly every single day and I can’t decide whether or not to stay with him since he is definition of a man child !

I'm feeling lost and unsure about my relationship with my boyfriend 18M, and I 19F could really use some advice. We met in medical school and have been together for 9months ish. Idk what to say or even how to say it but I know that I love him but I just don’t know if we are compatible for each other. When I first met him, I was infatuated by him. Damn near obsessed. He seemed out of reach explicitly claiming he didn’t want a relationship until after college so we remained as friends, and i remained having a big fat crush on him and continuing to fantasise about him. Until one day I took a chance and kissed him, which led to us starting a serious relationship.
At first, everything was perfect. I was head over heels for him, hanging on his every word and eagerly accepting every invitation for a date night. I mean seriously I was like a little girl everytime I saw him send me a message. But as time went on, I started to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of his love and attention. I never thought I stood a chance with this guy and to say I felt overwhelmed by his love made me feel guilty. I mean how dare I? I was pining hopelessly for this unavailable guy asking God to work his magic and when he did - I didn’t want it? I mean yeah at the start it felt nice, I felt like a princess, I felt seen I felt heard I felt wanted. But then it started to feel like the more love he gave me the more trapped I felt. It all became too much he was becoming overly obsessed and I felt uncomfortable with it. It felt like too much, and I struggled to cope with it.
Things took a turn when we started spending more time together, and I practically moved into his apartment. It started when he invited me over for a sleepover at his apartment alone and yanno ofc we ended up doing the dead which made strengthened our relationship it made me feel starstruck with him all over again (we were also each others firsts which helped a lot) and the sleepovers became a regular thing. But in due time living with him made me realize his flaws - his lack of hygiene, his disorganization, and his immaturity. His constant phone calls with his mom, sometimes four times a day, drove me crazy, especially when they interrupted our time together, especially our sexy time. I found it absurd how often he calls his mom and we still weren’t ready to bring either of our parents into the picture which meant when he called her I had to go outside (sometimes in freezing cold weather) I wasn’t going to let this continue any longer so I spoke to him about it. In about a month he reduced the frequency of the calls but she still constantly texts him like they’re in a relationship or something idk but I find that very odd to this day. I don’t have a personal problem with his mom but she is very clingy and very obsessed with him and I don’t know if she’s the type to continue this when she finds out he’s ina relationship in which case I’ll live every woman’s worst nightmare in which their mother in law is in love with their husband, or if she’s just a cute sweet caring mom who checks in on her son all day. Who knows. Because he doesn’t tell me anything about her. I don’t know what they talk about on the phone all day everyday sometimes he shows me their texts but it’s usually just good morning, what have you eaten today and memes. The real juice is in their calls in which I have no idea what they discuss. But hey gotta give a man his privacy I guess.
Disclaimer — I don’t really know what is right and wrong to do in a relationship, this being my first one but I know that there are somethings that just don’t sit right with me. Am I supposed to be ok with the fact that he talks to his mom all the time? Am i supposed to find I find it sweet how fond he is of her? Or do I have a right to feel a little neglected at the frequency and nature of their conversations? I don’t know and I’m battling myself just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Our fights lately since unofficially moving in have become more frequent, centered around his immaturity, neglect, and broken promises. He promised me he would make me feel more included with his mom and his conversations since we weren’t ready to get parents involved yet. He didn’t. He promsied me hed be more organized and tidy. He didn’t. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up after him and catering to his needs, while mine are ignored. I love him, but I'm not sure if I can continue like this. Like I said I don’t have anytning personal against his mom but I do think she’s the reason he expects me to cater his needs in a very mother like way. She refuses to let him grow but constantly being up his ass and well idk. I want a man not a man child. Our age gap is around 1.5 years and it didn’t bother me at the start but when I began living with him his age came through. I mean on our anniversary he told me he was getting me flowers and had the audacity to take me to the flower shop with him???? He completely took away from the purpose of the flowers in that I wanted to be surprised and made to feel special. But idk the way I was raised you don’t tell a woman you’re getting her flowers and then take her to pick them. It seemed like a lack of effort and respect. He could’ve discreetly asked me what my favorite flowers are or asked my friends to find out , but he took a short cut. We had a huge fight after that I felt completely embarrassed I refused to enter the shop I sat outside in shame instead.
Pre fights, I noticed he had stop taking me out on dates and finding time for us to be intimate or spend any sort of time together and I think this aiding in the tension leading up to the fights we’ve been having lately. And You know I can write all day about the annoying and disrespectful things he does all day. The time he lied about going through my search history, the flower thing, the mom thing, breaking promises (hed promise to spend more time with me and sometning would always come up) but the point is I’m really sick of not being given my relationship rights and decided wether or not I should leave this relationship or try to save it. Often when we fight I’m less mad about what we are fighting about but more about how he handles it especially when we both know he’s in the wrong. he denies responsibility, deflects responsibility to someone else , justifies it finds excuses. If all else fails, he will ball his eyes out in front of me - violently hit things around the house. I’ll comfort him and tell him it’s fine I forgive him. But today was the day I stopped doing that. I stopped feeding into his manipulations. I let him cry and he refused to eat. And I asked for space no talking no touching until I’m ready - he didn’t respect my wishes and kept approaching me and trying to bargain with me and touch me. Ugh I just felt violated by him.
What should I do? How can I navigate these challenges and decide what's best for me? Despite how I made him seem he was once a sweet boy who would move mountains for me but I don’t know how much longer I can bare this. Do I accept the fact that maybe he’s too young for me and we aren’t compatible? Or do I help him grow and be patient with him? Thank you Reddit.
TLDR; My bf and I have left the honeymoon phase and are arguing nearly every single day and I can’t decide whether or not to stay with him since he is definition of a man child !

My handsome successful husband and I met 13 years ago and have been married for 10 years. We were 37 and 40 when we married both professionals, same values, attractive, wanted a couple of kids and used to do everything together. My husband had suffered of anxiety, panic attacks, hypochondria and anger management issues throughout the length of our relationship. I love him and have loved him through all, always there for him in the uncountable amount of panic attacks, emergency room visits, real and fake illnesses. It was important for us to be married in the church to say our vows, we both promised each other to be together forever. He wrote his vows and they were heartfelt. After we married I was ready to start a family and he got cold feet about having kids in his 40s. I was so confused, we discussed and agreed on kids a million times, he even included that in our wedding vows. After many conversations, he was onboard with having a baby and doing all the crazy stuff we had to do with IVF etc. 5 years ago we had our baby prematurely and it was very hard on both of us and specially on me. After all the hormones, IVF cycles, almost dying giving birth, many months in the NICU, then being a new mom, starting a new job related to Covid during the first year of motherhood was a lot. Then he decided to move to a bigger house in 2021 and I did not want to bc we just have moved to our already big and beautiful house right before the baby was born in 2019. I was just exhausted. I expressed I did not want to move but caved in. The deal went south and ended up in another beautiful brand new house which was a blank slate. So a lot of work to get it ready. In the meantime, my career has been in survival mode (I thank God for my amazing job everyday) and his has exponentially improved and that has allowed us to afford whatever we wanted but time. He now has businesses in another State and travels constantly (he used to work from home until 2018) His motto is that he works so much to pay for all of this and he is always looking for new hobbies or things to buy. He changes cars about 25 times a year. So I have been trying to keep a warm home, make sure our kid did not experience developmental delays and started school, do my job (which is amazing, pays really well $250+/yr, but he tells me is pennies compared to how much he contributes in the family) all the doctors appts and playdates, etc for our kid and exercise etc. I happily supported him on his business expansion and took on the extra load at home. I would express to him that I was concerned about him being away so long, but he would tell me he has to do this now for our family. We have had issues with intimacy for years since our kid was born, I gained some weight during the NICU stress but I have always been fit at 5’2” 118lbs, I’m just not working out everyday fit right now. But I would always try and he would say that this hurts or I don’t feel good you don’t know what I am going through. So since this is forever, I thought he’ll come back to me when ready. 2 weeks before our 10th anniversary and 2 months before his 50th birthday he told me: “I’m unhappy, I should have never gotten married, I got married bc of society pressures, I have checked the box of married and I have kid. I have to live my life, the only thing I am thankful out of this is for my kid. I’m moving out” (he rented an apartment on the beach 45min away from us) and comes and goes from this house when he wants to visit our kid. Still pays for the things he used to pay. But he doesn’t want to talk about counseling, therapy on how to deal with this and the kid. And every time I tell him I want to fight for our marriage he says he is content. A friend told me he is hanging out a 21yr old Ukranian amongst other girls.
One detail is that he started taking Lexapro 6 months before he decided to move out and he says he feels better than ever, no anxiety, no physical symptoms…but he believes he feels so good because he is not in a “non-existent marriage” anymore
I’m devastated, still in shock (it is going to be 9months since the separation) and asking God for strength i standing for my marriage.

I(22f) and he(34m) we met at the time of covid lockdown as i had just started my college and it was online mode so i was bored as i stayed away from home for college so i started working in a IT company.I worked in the company where he was my manager,sounds crazy but we both had a very good vibe since beginning and after sometime we started dating in 2021 for almost 2 years things were pretty good by then and he was my first boyfriend so i was too obsessed with our relationship i guess so i never had doubt that he would cheat or something like that cos he was a complete introvert throughout as far as i know.So at the time we were together his few friends flew to our city so they would work together and then things started getting a bit off between us cos his friends gf started being close to me(but was a snake pretending to be close) and she had few friends in our city.She particularly had a friend who was always scting fishy and i am a person who will judge on the first meet depending on your personality so i judged her as someone who was clever and cunning so i started to realise she kept an eye on my boyfriend cos she would repeatedly sut in front of him(we were invited to my ex’s friends anniversary then)and she was wearing a very short floral dress with deep cut v neck.So i always made sure that she doesnt come in between us and always told him to be careful with her cos the way she was going down again and again showing her cleavage in front of my bf that day didnt allow me to think of her as someone nice.Months pass by and we start to hangout with them cos my ex didnt want me to be excluded from those girls meet up while i was never comfortable he would keep taking me there knowing how much i hated the group cos mind you im not that rude to anyone but everyone in that girl group were either a homewrecker,into dr**gs and all the shits i could even imagine of as i was the youngest out there and i had no idea about any of them until i met them.Suddenly everyone got closer and they started to call me their “younger sister” and i thought maybe i was overthinking and they werent that bad but boy was i wrong about that.So during new year eve that time we decided to plan to go for a lil vacation out of our city to another city and as there were less couples other people denied to go so it was me my bf his friend and his gf so we went to another city was enjoying the time together but until the night of 31st everyone got drunk except me cos i was on my meds so we were having a great time until his friends gf started talking about that girl in front of my bf about how she was very nice and wife material and all the bs i couldnt stand so i just went off to the room angrily but my bf was unbothered about me going and didnt even come to check once.I then started to think maybe he has lost interest in me and i am kind of a girl who would worship the guy i date so it was pretty tough for me to confront him with these things so new year passed everything was fine until we got back to our city and i came back to my place and that night i called him like 100x but got no response and he calls me back the next day saying he slept as he was tired from the long journey.I didnt think much so i just said okay but i go to my instagram and see those girls group partying at my boyfriends place the day he didnt receive my call i was shattered that he lied to me and i confronted him about the situation but he said it was just a lil catchup and again me being fool thought it was okay.Then after that day we started having problems in our relationship where he suddenly said i need break from this lets take our time as i was also overthinking alot i thought it was okay and he told me he’s going to his hometown for a month and would come back and see me so i told him to take his time cos it wasnt easy for me to let go off him as i was very serious about him.So days go by and as my exams were near i decided to focus on that bt one day one girl from that group updates a story where my boyfriend and that girl i had warned him is sitting together and going on some ride my intuitions were pretty strong and i had doubt that something is off so i decide to call him but he didnt receive my call so i tried to reach out to this friend and he said that i was just overthinking.I needed an explanation as to why he was with that girl in our city while he told me he was going home so i was in contact with a girl from that group who was actually nice to me and on contacting her she told me that they are dating right now as he said to everyone that we broke up i was so mad at that time because i never told him to breakup i was asked to give him his space and i respected that.So i waited for them to return and i straight went to his place and i find them together in his bed like what in the fucking world is happening.He kept trying to explain but i already say them cuddling in his bed and nothing could explain that i was so furious i ended up beating the shit out of that girl and him and had a huge fight and we completely broke up and at the end he told me he had to breakup with me cos his family would mever accept us cos we belonged to different cultures which was a lame excuse i know.I returned and i was depressed for 3 months after that cause i loved him genuinely and way too much it wasnt easy for me to let go.I got into therapy and counselling after that breakup too.After 3 months i started to move on thinking about myself and my family and after 9months from our breakup one unknown number sends me a msg saying happy birthday that too one a wrong date 2days later to my birthday.I had a hinch that it was him cos i remembered his number but had deleted them right after breaking upso i knwoing wrote him back asking who you are and he told me he’s so and so and wanted to to talk to me about the things that happened during those months and he was sorry about that he cheated on me so itold him i had nothing to do with him and i wished him a good life with the girl he cheated on.He straight away told me he cannot marry her cos she was also from a different culture and his family was very strict regarding the cultures and wanted him to get married to the girl sharing same culture.I was like what the fuck do you mean?cos ias far as i know and heard that girl was pretty serious about themand she was around the same age as he.He told me that they broke up since she moved to another country and LDR wasnt his thing.He kept begging me to take him back but i had moved on alot ahead in life and i didnt have any feelings left gor him so i told him that you should fix your relationshi prather than talking to me cos its of no use how much eva you try i wont be the same person i was before.so after alot of convincing and all i decide to just stay friend which was my bad decision even though i had moved on but maybe there was a soft corner for him so i couldnt say no to staying friends.After few days of texting he wanted to meet so he picked me and had a really nice time at a cafe mearby and things started taking turn after that he suddenly started to show up everytime and started acting as a like a man every girl would die for i was actually glad that he had changed so we met on daily bais but i knew whatever happens we wont get back and thats the limit to this relation.Recently i somehow got a feeling that something is off so i decided to check his phone while he was sleeping btw he has never shared his password with me and he had always been overprotective about his phone always and i suddenly wanted to check his texts and i was shocked to witness the messages.This mf had been lying to me the whole time he never broke up with his now gf and she was still in contact with him talking about her return in few months .I was so angry at this point and thought he needs a lesson now i confronted him but he kept denying it but at the end said yes and proudly saying i dont like her neither im going to spend my life with her what in the fuck was wrong with this guy i dont even know so as my brain has started to act straight and while he was asleep i took her phone number and added her in my whatsapp and sent her a long msg how he had been cheating on her and i realised it just few hours ago and sent her the screenshots where he told me that he broke up with her months ago and stuffs everything and i sent her a current picture of him sleeping in my place she was furious even tho i hated her i didnt want this to happen again like i had to go through so i told him early morning to leave my place and didnt say anything to him about me confronting to his gf and when he reached his place i guess his gf told him and he kept calling me nonstop so i being a bit petty decided to block both of them from my contacts and any other social media and ignored to answer unknwon calls for few days.His gf somehow reached out to me and i guess they broke up by now and thanked me for informing and was sorry about the past i felt relieved that i decided to do that and i guess i somehow got my revenge on both of them but i still kinda feel guilty for being friends with him without knowing proper truth as i was aware of how big of a liar he is.please tell me if i did wrong here i am still feeling guilty about everything

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**I AM SORRY THAT THIS LONG BUT I NEED HELP! I PUT IN PARAGRAPHS SO IT IS EASIER TO READ, I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY RESPONSE THANK YOU! **
For the past few months, whether its been small or big, my gf and I have been getting into altercations that would last from 1 day - a full week. From what I have noticed, whenever an altercation comes up, she would try to guilt trip me and emotionally manipulate me into feeling bad for her bc we arent on good terms atm. I know that she can cry on demand since in the past she has cried when a friend of her parents who she barely know died (RIP to her) and i heard her mother ask my gf “why are you crying so much, you barely knew her”. I let her know that I have a speech difficulty where I would either stutter, have speech blocks where i cannot get a certain word or sentence out even when im thinking it. This speech difficulty amplifies and worsens when I am put under pressure or anxious. Because of this I'm the type to not respond until i feel ready to communicate and at first I would give the “silent treatment “ when things were too much then later on when she let me know that I should at least say something like “i don't want to talk right now” instead of just shutting down bc she would feel like im ignoring her when in reality i want to cool off and process things that is going on. So after she told me that I said okay and i will communicate when i dont want to talk.
Based off what my girlfriend has said/ done to me, should I end things even though our 9 month anniversary is in this week?
-She has cried multiple times in front of me and would ask questions like “ does it not hurt you when i cry” and tbh she plays it rly good bc in the beginning I would always feel bad about her crying but recently I haven't been giving in.
-There’s a time when another altercation occurs and I and I specifically tell her “ Right now i dont want to talk” and she says “okay” then a few minutes go by and she starts asking me questions and saying “oh i know you said you didn’t want to talk but could you at least answer this question” and mind you its never just one question. So because I already told her I dont want to talk and she’s asking me questions, I do as I said and i dont respond. After a while she says “i hate it when you ignore me” and that’s when i tell her “ i told you already that i didn't want to talk so why are you saying that I am ignoring you and you asked me to communicate” then she had no response to it.
- She has said “your the only who i can talk to, I cant talk to anyone else” This right here makes me feel very constrained and stressed that she's saying this.
-Another time she has said “ I haven't ate all day and i wont be eating until we talk”. That phrase right there boiled me. I tell her “why would you ever say something like that?" and then again no response. Later on she tells me that the reason she said that was just to get me pissed, because she knows how much I hate it when she wouldn't eat properly. And that she admitted she lied about not eating all day since she ate so much that day. Yes, I know this is emotional manipulation and it worked on me.
-The next day she’s not in the house when she usually is so i check her location and see that she is at a another apartment nearby, i text her “wya”, after sending that text I see that she starts moving towards the campus and she doesn’t reply only to be right in front of my campus classroom. I thought that was extremely sus, she could’ve answered while she was there or while she was coming going from there instead of popping up in front of my class. After that I told her I don't want her following me, yet she does the opposite and follows me all around campus until the start of my next class.(this isn't even the first time she hasn't respected me when I tell her to not follow me)
- There has been multiple times where she has crossed my boundaries on multiple occasions and doesn't listen to when I tell her flat out "no". She has went thought my closet to take out something that she previously said that i could have, she has spammed called me multiple times after telling her that I cannot chat because i am either in class or doing an assignment, she has lied to me about going through my things and went out her way to even call me using a “no caller id”.
-She wouldn't respect my boundaries as I would tell her I don't want a hug or a kiss at the moment and she would take it very personal and emotionally manipulate me and saying " but I want a hug/kiss, why can't you just do what I want" while making a pouting/ sad face.
- She has constantly used her physical and mental issues to manipulate me into feeling bad for me and forcing me to view her as the victim when in reality it is her who is making it seem that way.
-She would use those things that she has done for me and use as bait to get me to do something, and one time I just told her that if she's gonna do something for me, it should come from her heart and not from her wanting to get something out of me. I seen that act as selfish.
-She has love bombed me in the beginning of our relationship, getting me expensive gifts (which I always would appreciate )and said things like “you my everything, i dont know what i would be doing with my life right now if i didn’t have you”, “im so lucky to have you, we are forever “ She would constantly say " you're so beautiful/pretty/cute" that it became so much that it just didn't feel the same anymore when she would say it because she had overused it so much that it made me think that she was just saying it to say it. It is very nice to be complimented by your partner but when it becomes overdone and over-said, it doesn't have the same feeling. She has said those things multiple times and very early in the relationship. I am mad at myself for not noticing it right then and there and we have been dating since early 2023 and our 9months is coming up.
-She had once hidden my strap when she had went over to her parents house for the weekend and the only reason I noticed was because the one place I kept it was near the cleaning products i needed to do chores. I texted her where my strap was and she left me on delivered once again til the next morning when she was coming back. I even tried calling her and she did not pick up. Once she came back, I was sitting at my desk doing work and i had my back turned for a few minutes before i see her hand in the spot where the strap was supposed to be. I know that she had pulled it out from somewhere in her stuff ( she knew i wouldn't go through her things while she's gone ) and she says "oh its here" and i say " i looked in that entire spot and took everything out, it was not there when i texted you last night" and later on that night we had a conversation and she admitted that the reason she had hid it was because she knew it would make me text her about it; basically being petty.
-Half way throught out relationship she started asking for CONSTANT REASSURANCE at first I said okay and im doing it for her then when i had stopped fir few days bc work was getting busy and i was also taking an online class and i told her in my good morning text that i will be busy and ill try to answer as soon as i can. she agreesbut then later tht nighht she tells me thati haven’t been doinggiving her constant reassurance like she asked bc i had missed a few days and she asked for constant reassurance again and i give it to her and longer than before, and before long i miss a couple of days and she says it again, it was basically a constant cycle of her need constant reassurance that whenever i missed a few days she would ask for it. It was becoming heavy and i started thinking that its not okay for someone to demand constant reassurance from one person, bc ita being completely oblivious of what the other person might be going through as well. Thts when I had a conversation with her on how the whole situation was making me feel on top of my busy schedule, im always making time for her no matter wht. but theres a certain limit that one person can carry. I suggested that she should start therapy if she she feels like she need constant reassurance bc it means that she’s probably feeling a sense of insecurity or worthlessness that she needs someone to make her feel validated
At this point, I have been thinking a lot because she has went to her parents house for a family emergency and I don't want to constantly feel drained/ stressed while being with her and espically since we're both in university.
I am really worried/ scared that If i don't do something as this now that it will worse because it has only getting worse.

So I 25 f and my partner 30m have been dating for 9months now we are long distance not super far but about an hour. I struggle to drive so I often get the train or a lift up to see him or he’ll drive down to me.
So I don’t have much experience in relationships and I tend to be a massive overthinker. Well this week my partner said he wants to reduce a day of us seeing eachother (we only see eachother once a week) so now he wants to see me only 3 times a month . I was taken aback and a bit hurt but I understand relationships require compromise so I agreed
I then asked him about what we’ll do for Xmas and the new year and he said he was busy with friends and family and because he was seeing me Halloween he can’t see me new years that’s the rule his mates have
He also told me a while ago that he doesn’t like celebrating anniversaries
Everyone else Iv spoken too says that this is weird and that he’s not treating me right but I just want some extra opinions please

My husband died 3 months and 4 days ago in an accident. We’d known each other 25ish years, had lived together 6 years, and were married 9months. He loved my cooking, and I really haven’t cooked a meal since he passed.
6 weeks after his death was our 7th anniversary, 10 weeks after was his 40th birthday, and 3 months and 3 days (yesterday) was our 1st wedding anniversary. I feel like I’ve been getting sucker punched every few weeks with another thing he should be here for. My son’s birthday was exactly 1 month after his funeral, we were going to tell my son that his step dad wanted to adopt him (he’s 22 now).
We had talked about taking 4-5 days over our first anniversary and going to Kansas City and exploring the town and going to the Ren Fest there, it’s kinda our thing. Instead I went to the local Ren Fest by myself yesterday. It was sad, I have so many memories of seeing him there, I ended up with heat stroke and came home to our dogs having diarrhea all over their kennels. But it’s almost like I was holding back until this day, anticipating the pain and sadness.
Last night was terrible, I was horribly sick and honestly it felt like I’d lost him all over again. But I woke up today and actually felt like I got some rest. I got a few things cleaned up around the house that I’d been neglecting, and realized I wanted to cook. I smoked a chicken in the pellet grill he’d wanted but never got to use, and sautéed some Brussels sprouts. I haven’t baked anything, he loved my cookies and I made fresh bread for his lunches every week. It’s way too hot to bake now but I think I will once the heat breaks.
A part of my soul started screaming on May 31st when I answered the phone and a sheriff’s deputy asked if I knew Don, and hasn’t stopped, I doubt it ever will, but I feel like I can move around it a little better. I’ll never move on, but I can start baby steps of moving forward. This group has really helped, thank you.

Update. I got my car back finally. Like 15min ago. No payment. Dude left it in a parking lot to avoid seeing me. Admitted to the possibility that he was using it to commit some criminal bs. I'm out 1000 in missed work, on top of what he originally owed me. Do I have a duty to report that my car was possibly used in illegal activities now that I've been made aware of the possibility? I'm disabled, single gaurdian to my sibling, recently left a toxic ltr, and can barely afford the rent right now w/out missing the little work I can do. I'm already dealing with a lawsuit against the ttc that feels like will never end, and have to deal with a tow truck company who's avoiding my calls after getting hit by one of their drivers. Is there a limit on how many legal matters you can have going? Or a firm I could contact? I'm with Diamond & Diamond now for my case against the ttc. I was a cyclist at the time of the incident, and a pedestrian with the tow truck.
I really don't know how I'm going to survive much longer as it is. I have 6months of waiting still to see a psychiatrist for my PTSD and mental health that has only gotten worse over the last 7yrs since becoming physically disabled. 9months still for my referral at a pain clinic. During the pandemic I stopped getting home support. I spent a week in critical care last fall on oxygen where my forearms were butchered and I have more signs of nerve damage in the are they refused to take out a properly in place iv, even though I begged them for days to remove it. Anyways, yeah I don't know what to do at this point or who to contact. My lawyer is no help, and neither is my odsp worker.
Original post:
Help request from Ontario, Canada.. Someone who I thought was a friend asked to rent my car. Now the cars insurance has expired, and I was going to sell it due to financial difficulties at the end of the month. They are fully aware of the cars legal status so to speak. It has been over 1 week since it was supposed to be returned and paid for. My "friend" has been giving me excuses via text and won't answer my calls. I can't afford a bus to go search the city I think he & the car are in, and I don't have anyone who can take me. I'd have called the cops by now however, but I don't have much to give them other than a number that isn't being answered atm. They owe me well over 500$. Any suggestions? I'm disabled, I got hit by a tow truck at the beginning of June, after my 7yr anniversary of my ttc accident while walking back from the coffee shop. I dont really have the means or enough lorazepam to deal with the level of stress rn lol. Any help is greatly appreciated!

I have had a few relationships between 6th grade to now (2023 at the age of 19). Bit of info I have horrible anxiety and depression, and have a hard time being around people and touched because of an incident that happened at the age of 13 I'm still haunted by.
From the 6th grade to 8th, I've had relationship problems where I'd be touched in places randomly without consent, beaten and bruised up, talked down upon, and used for my body. I was always used for needs from the people I dated that I was so scared to even tell the people I trust. I was particularly abused mentally and physically by an ex who would leave me covered in bruises kicking me as hard as he could leaving me with bruised all on my knee's and leg's where I had to where pants during the summer. He would constantly try to put his hands in my pants even when I said no, (age 14-15) he was much larger than me and stronger so I feared him. I couldn't do anything and people just said he is messing around or playing his stupid game. His friends and him would touch me inappropriately with out warning. I grew used to it that it didn't bother me for the 2 and a half years of it. I had stopped dating him and had dated a few other guys from that group, which all lead to the same cause I had no one else but them. I was the loner of the school.
9th grade, beginning of high school. I had started out as a new person stopped talking to those guys and stayed friends with a few of those girls. I never really felt attraction towards anyone until November of that year. I fell for a tall kind guy who would talk with me, hold my hand, and walk me to class. I thought WOW I'm actually in a nice relationship. It started getting where it wasn't... He started wanting to touch me more and more. Try to have sex with me, but was to scared for that. He even tried to have sex while at my house during a week before Christmas when I had a friend over. I was not really able to do anything since again, he was one of the guys who were bigger than me. After 3 months of that happening I didn't really tell anyone about it I kinda forgot he existed. But the thought still appears and I will remember... But it ended on our 3 months after I found him sexting a girl online on our 2nd month. I showed my friend at the table and the others were curious(his friends) so I showed them. He came back and I confronted him, he denied it all and said it was the year before. The date was a month before this, and before I could say another word he deleted the app it was on (Kik) and said see nothing happened. I broke it off their and never talked to him again. Found out he was hooking up with 3 girls from his friend group and one of the friends he had knew and was a good friend of mine. Never told me one..
A few months later I found another guy (I fall for people to easily if they show me kindness and interest). Again at first he was sweet and took me 2 months to say yes to dating him. (When COVID happened in 2020), We went a few months not seeing each other and just calling. (Usual long distance/ COVID stuff), And just played fortnite since that's all we had for that while. After a few months of lock down he invited me to the beach with his family. I agreed since I was locked up for months, and went with them. It was nice out and such a nice day. They fished I got to try it after years of not doing it. It went nice until school started again. He would want to have his hands on me non stop I wouldn't say no just giggle nervously. It got to where I thought it was just a normal thing I'm a relationship and after another few months.. We did it(I took his v card but don't really wanna go where I lost mine...) I just thought it was a normal high school relationship thing and it went on like that but not how often he wanted. The sexual stopped for a about 5 months, but would touch me or try to have me touch him. And he invited me to the beach again, thought oh ok that would be nice. We went and he said he wanted to do it with me. It was busy so I thought ok next time we can come early so it's not busy. (I was a very people pleasure back than and tried my hardest to make other happy even if I wasn't). So after a few weeks we got to do our plan and when we got there I was anxious and starting to not want to do it. He said it would be fine and nothing to worry about. We started to do the thing but after about 5 minutes or so I got scared and started to cry and have an anxiety attack. He stopped and said what's wrong, and I told him I was having flashbacks. He held me for a few seconds and said he would continue and I was safe. I stopped crying after a bit. I just laid there pretending for about 10 minutes. I looked up at him and just started crying again cause I could handle just thinking of what was happening. He stopped after seeing me shaking violently, and sat back. He was like ok fine just finish me off, and I won't do that again. I sat up trembling tears still down my face, trying my hardest for him. For 30 minutes I couldn't get it for him so he sent me to the front of the car and I sat there in a swimsuit and towel, while he was finishing up. (He was also the type to say if I didn't send or help it was my fault I gave him blue balls). After that he got his stuff up, and he dropped me off at him. I said that's for today, and he just half smiled and said yea it was fun. He drove off, and I didn't hangout with him after that, since he was going to his home state (Alabama) for the rest of the summer. So after a few weeks of getting barely any messages since he was "busy", I messaged him saying goodnight I love you, and that I'm happy I have him. He does the same saying he can't wait to marry me one day. And I wake up the next morning with an " we need to talk" message. I never had one but knew what it meant. He messaged me saying how he cheated on me with a different girl(14) while he was 17 about to be 18. He clearly stated it happened cause "This is what happens when I'm nice to people", I was just annoyed at that. He broke up with me on our 16 month anniversary. A bit goes by and he messages me saying " I'm glad I left she's mentally and physically better than you" I was going through severe depression, and I was binging from anxiety and not able to help it. He then messages me a month and a half later saying she broke up with him. He missed me and wanted to get back together, I said no and can't see him that way ever. We tried to be friend but I blocked him after he said, he would tried to hold back from kissing me. Also the first day back to school said, "you look skinnier" I was wearing a corset or girdle I can't remember the name, but I had it so type I couldn't breathe. I was so insecure about my weight because during that relationship he commented how fat I got, he words let his friends talk shit about me and say shit about me with them. I just couldn't handle any more form him so I ignored him at all costs.
I got in touch with an old friend from 2 years ago, we talked for a month before we found out we both had crushes on eat other back then (16 me) (18 him). We messaged on steam, and I was 18 while he was 21, we knew each other from a game we played constantly and he was drunk a lot on it. He started getting feelings again, and started dating. It went well for a while actually no problems. I felt fine, up until my school trip. (I'm a drop out so this happened after but I was still able to go). I messaged him a lot since I was in his time zone finally! (He's from Germany) I was in Paris than Italy for the 2 weeks. After my first week he stopped messaging me a lot and slowly went it one message a day. After my trip I felt ignored and unwanted. I confronted him about it and he said he was dealing with depression again. I asked him why he didn't tell me in the beginning and could have talked to me since I understand what he was going through. He said he will talk to a therapist the next day. He said that for 2 weeks never going. He would play other games while I waited for a message. I got annoyed of it and told him if he will continue to be like this I won't be around any more. He said ok and agreed to break up. I was heart broken but wasn't heart broken enough to cry anymore. He immediately just went and played games again. I just went to playing the game VRC (VrChat) again. I bought a headset, and was able to hangout with old friends again. (Next part)
I got to hangout with old friends and talk with them. They were really unhinged and some were racist(one was extremely), and I tried to not talk with them. I started to grow a connection for one because he talked with me the most and hung out. We started dating, and everything seemed fine. Well he started to not pay attention to me, and would cry about his ex non stop. I even had to make him not commit 4 times because of missing his ex. I was always telling him to block her, he did and promised to not talk to her. But I would wake up and find out he texted her behind my back because he was worried about her. He would cry everyday about her. For almost a week. He blocked her again out of anger and promised me again he wouldn't talk to her... You can already guess what happened.. Yep he messaged her while I was asleep. I usually would sleep in a lot cause I'd be on late hanging out with a guy I met who actually listened to my problems, he was there before I dated the guy about a week. He even listened when I had to vent about the guy I was with. After that one week I broke it off. He complained about me saying I would always love him. He clearly cared for his ex more than me. (He was 18 while she was 14 barely 15 I believe, and she was very sexual). I would go to find out I had feelings for the guy who actually treated me like a human being. I started to date him a few days later( don't judge me we both realized we had feelings for each other). And that's when the shit bit the wall. My ex spread rumors about me being a slut and going out with the guy I'm with now while I was with him. (I hate the idea of cheating, and never want to or ever will cheat, I show and tell my partner everything if they show respect to me... Btw going on 9months almost 10 and going to see him in July for our almost 1 year). And my ex would send people to threaten me, and even given me death threats to scare me. People who I always talked to and would help in times of need turned against me! I had no one but my bf. After a week my bf had to go to him and say to stop all this! I was crying and scared to join any game I was I thinking I was being followed and going to be threatened. I had no one but him for so long. After a while it all stopped and I wa finally able to change everything and become someone they didn't know who I was. I felt because I was unhappy in that relationship and then found happiness with someone who actually cared. He sent people to threaten me.. That shows who he really was.
After a while I was able to get my relationship now to where it is after a lot of arguing. I'm finally out of my deep depression my anxiety got better I have better friends and family. But I can't say it was me it was the man I'm with now. He helped me escape. Talked to me in the late of nights. I wouldn't be here today. I'm happy he came into my life or I wouldn't be here. Sorry for this being long, but thank you for reading.
Thank you.

I’ve been struggling to get over my ex and it took me a while so delete there contact.(8-9months) I’ve written messages that I won’t send. Is this a way to handle something like this. Here is one.
One great day on my way home with my heart head up high not knowing that this feeling would day. It was a sunny day but all I could see rain covering my eye and now I can’t look at you with out wanting to die. I gave you my love with all my feeling just to see you throw it away like a business dealing. I want to have a long drive but you said “pump the gas on the break” but really should have said “drive the car off a cliff” with me still in it. You messge me back but what’s the point, you send me a picture of our anniversary but just want to be friends? QUIT FUCKING WITH MY MIND AND CRUSHED MY TRUST MY SOUL. Now it hard for me to love. So thank and next time at least call me and not send it over text.

So first of i want to start by saying english is not my first language.
So me and my boyfriend have been toghtere for 9 months and yes we ofc had issues but we always talked and found a way. So 2 day ago me and him had plans, but he kinda ditched me and fell asleep (its okay bcs he works really hard+alot), so no biggie right...? well no... yesterday he texted me that he wants a break from me, to think about some stuff.. I overreacted abit, since i was so blindsided by everything.. i was scared he was going to break up with me (it was also our 9month anniversary). i have alot of anxiety, trust issues amd depression so it was kinda normal for me to react the way i did. So after that calmed down a bit and he said he is not going to break up with me i ask what the issue was... and well he said im to childish and i dont let him do stuff and he just wants to be alone a little bit. we did spend almost everday toghtere bcs i am jobless this month, starting at the 01.03 tho... and i did agree that it was a bit much. I also agreed that did stop him from having alot fun sometimes, but my bf struggled with drugs and so his "friends" arent reallllyy that great and i guess i just wanna look out for him. (Its really hard for him to not take them when its right infront of him.) The Part that hurt me was when he said he wants someone mature... i have been mature my whole life, taking care of my own mother as a child and much much more... before him, I havent had anyone even hug me in YEARS.. so somehow that child in me came out when i was with him and he loved it, he loved the hugs, the kisses, the "play-dates", the random stuff all that.... now he doesn't. So i thought maybe he found someone else right..? but no, he swears he loves me still he just wants a break from me so that we can mature and heal.. We are going to talk today, so im really having alot of anxiety. I cant even put into words how hurt i am, just like that my whole life fell apart and im trying to hold on so badly but it just hurts so much. i know we are young and blabla but he is my first boyfriend and we just worked toghtere from the start. But now its just hurt, so much hurt and me never being enough, and not being this and that and i don't know if I can take it. I was raped as a kid and did go trough therapy for years amd much more and i told him from the start hey i am like this are you sure about us? and he always told me we are a Team... but right know it feels like my World is just clashing... We said the break will teach us a lesson and help us be mature and miss eachothe more... i think he just slowly is breaking up with me alone befor he has to tell me yk..? i really could need some help here.. i did go to my doc to get a new therapist so we will see... right now tho i dont know if he is going to break up or not... and if he is im really not sure i can make it..
UPDATE!: So yesterday after i got great advice here on Reddit i confronted my bf. I told him if he really loves me he should stop shutting me out and this "break" is not healthy at all, and that he hurt me deeply. And well he said he was sorry and that he loves me and wasnt thinking clearly... he also told me that my MIL may have a Tumor... so i guess that didnt help. the damage has been done tho on both sides... i dont know if i still have feelings .. i can only feel my heart hurting... We are gonna met up today and i guess i will just see if i still have butterflies or love for him in my heart and ofc if he changes like i did. He also said that i act cold and well i told him you want a mature woman and not a Teen or a child, i will 100% give it to you and that i dont know if i can ever trust him with my "childish" side again. He also didnt follow one of our rules which is to not go out with the opposite Sex when the other isnt around .. we both are insecure ig he still went out with his old best friend and another friend... so i got back with my old best friends (i mostly have guy friends) and he was okay with it but still hurt. anyway i am not going to baby him anymore, i honestly forgot what a bomb chick i was and im really happy i def lost myself and found it again so im happy and im just sad because i yet again was forced to mature up... he can do what he wants, i just simply dont care...
thank you guys alot, it really helped me!! and plz be nice to your partner .. its not that hard to Show love back and accept them...

HCBM tried to block my SS (9months at the time) from looking at me because he was smiling.
At exchanges she would hover to the point we all were uncomfortable interacting if she was visible, we started parking further away to say our goodbyes and would wait until she left for our hellos.
She has bad mouthed me for over a year (he and I started as friends) including to MANY MANY MANY professionals (doctors, judges, daycare staff, court mediators). Among this is that I take my anger at her out on my SS, I am a danger to my SS (all disproven the first time they see SS and I interact with each other).
Fast forward to now and he is almost 2.
I don’t usually do morning exchanges, but I was up this morning so I did. This morning she saw him fling himself around his Dad (whom was holding him) to scream “Hi PsychoFlower85” with the biggest smile on his face, repeatedly.
🖤🖤🖤 My heart🖤🖤🖤
For the first time I full out smiled and waved back as much as I could and the ptsd I have from her didn’t come roaring back 1 billion percent as it used to.
No one is hiding from her anymore, none of us 😭😭🖤🖤🖤🖤
Also, it’s my and Dad’s 1 year anniversary today too!!

Long story short we are renting at my parents. They have done a good amount of things to screw us over so that’s why we are here renting their mother in law basement. Anyway, they have been away for a good month and in a half and now they are set to come back tomorrow. It’s my husbands and I’s anniversary and when he found out that they were coming back tomorrow he got very upset. He has severe anger issues to the point where you can’t stop him when he gets to a certain point. It’s scary. He got diagnosed with ptsd and BPD due to his ptsd. So he gets triggers and my parents being one of them. He use to smoke some weed to help him stay calm i guess but he claims he has been poisoned with delta 8 and that he can’t find good weed. So he decided to completely stop smoking it. He hasn’t for about a week now. But without it he gets more agitated and angry. He says that he didn’t plan anything because we didn’t have anyone to watch the kids and that we were going to do something when they get back so we can do an overnight stay so They watch the kids. Well he claims that they are purposely coming back to ruin The day. He is very mad that they didn’t tell us they were coming back so they basically screwed up his plan of having a staycation instead of planning something. He called them to tell them that if they do come home tomorrow there will problems. He said he is going to beat the shit out of my dad and send him to the hospital and when my mom gave him attitude and said it’s their house they can come home if they want too he said he isn’t afraid to send her to the hospital as well. I am so scared on what’s going to happen, i have tried to calm him down but nothing helps. He told me to call them and let them be aware of the consequences if they do end up showing up tomorrow. They blocked my number now too after he blew up their phones with texts and calls. He now claims that he is going to start destroying the house and their things and doors and computers and tvs etc… anything valuable to keep them away until Sunday. If they dont listen then he says they don’t have a house to come home too. He is going to record it and send it to them via Facebook until they respond and agree to come back Sunday Instead. I don’t know what to do.. I know how he gets and if they do come home I don’t know what’s going to happen.. do I convince him to get a hotel and we can stay away do I try to convince my parents to stay at a hotel and come back Sunday Instead? We have kids in the house and if anything bad goes down I really don’t want them to see any of this…. Especially two of them being our own kids the oldest is 4 the youngest is 9months. The other kid is my 10 old brother who is very mildly autistic. I’m walking on eggshells I need help.. and advice.

I (44f) and my spouse(M50) live as in place caregivers for my mom(69f). About 9 months ago my dad passed. She is devastated. It has been rough. He was an amputee and a home peritoneal dialysis patient and it was rough helping take care of him prior to his passing.
Mom has been doing pretty good, but her best friend and partner is gone. Obviously, she needs time.
Last night during her treatment she called out to me and said she was sorry but my cousin(42f) and her toddler son wanted to visit for 'spring break'. They also want to bring my aunt, (73f). Auntie is a lot. Like the most draining and aggravating family member we have. Mom immediately apologized for allowing them to visit as she knows what pain in the asses they are. But I brushed it off because they are family and that is the stuff you put up with. No big deal. Then mom started tearing up because the first day they visit is her and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. She said I will just have to stop crying before they get here so she doesn't ruin their visit. Note- they live like 2.5 hours away and maybe visit once or twice a year.
Okay so here's the part where I might be the Asshole.
I feel so bad for her and I feel like her grieving shouldn't be interrupted for people that invited themselves over. My mom is not the hostess type. She really dreads it everytime. So I texted my cousin and asked her to keep it on the DL, but my mom was going to be going through something on that day and I wanted her to postpone her visit by at least 24 hours. I just wanted to give mom permission to feel the way she wants without an audience or having to fake it for people she doesn't want to share her feelings with. I did advise mom she could do this last night, but then I took things into my own hands and texted Cousin today.
Well, since I am posting here, you can guess I have been outed as a control freak asshole by my aunt and cousin and it has been insinuated that I am trying to isolate my mom. Yeah, me who takes her everywhere, and had been dragging her ass outta bed, I am the bad guy. I didn't think it was a big ask, but apparently it is none of my business. Mom is still blissfully aware, but my Aunt has said she is going to have a serious conversation with mom about my behavior. That me being so anti-family (news to me) is why my mom is still grieving. Because 9months is enough time to make a whole new life (yes, she said this) so mom should be coping better by now.
Reddit, AITA?
Edit: Cousin just contacted mom and said she had a thing so she would be up later that week. Mom was so relieved. Said God works in mysterious ways and she was surprised that her sister hadn't called her. I just agreed and I am letting it go.
Auntie made some shit talking post on Facebook about younger people respecting their elders. I didn't see it because I am not on Facebook but my brother mentioned it because she tagged my adult children. They all ignored it because they know her. Passive aggressive whiny boomers should be banned from the Internet. I bet she is going to be a real fun houseguest, but we'll see. If I catch a case for whooping an old lady, someone please start a GoFundMe for bail. /S
Thank you all.