Hello everyone. I need advice on how to get over feeling.. jealousy.
When I was younger, I had an issue in Highschool where I thought this one guy was really cute. I invited him out one time outside of school and my friend (who was more attractive, I would say compared to me) invited herself along. They ended up dating and hanging out together waaaay more than him and I did during that get together. She told me about how they lost their virginities together. Wasn’t my friend after that.
Then I’m Highschool, I was talking to this guy who seemed interested.. and found out he was talking to another girl. Same stuff, when I confronted him about it he said he got physically Ill and felt bad… they still ended up dating. At prom he apologized but I really just brushed it off and thought it was stupid.
Now.. in my current relationship.. as an ADULT, I’ve had my boyfriend in one casual conversation (I asked, I know it was stupid) and found out he found my friend goodlooking.
There was also a situation where he had bought porn of a woman he knew irl during our relationship twice! but it never went past viewing it and they hadn’t interacted in years.. I still felt betrayal. He said it was purely sexual and I know for a fact they hadn’t been in contact for years but the fact he sought it out and had some sorta connection to her made my blood boil. Still working out that one.
He’s made a lot a LOT of changes and apologies this past year to make up for it, realizing how it wasn’t the best thing to do. Even bought me a damn iPad.
I’m so sick of feeling inferior looks-wise enough though I take care of myself. I’m so sick of not feeling like “enough”. I don’t want him to just “settle” with me, I want him to feel ecstatic and satisfied with me. I recognize he’ll find others attractive but I don’t want to be on the damn “low end-I love her personality” end of things.
He tells me I’m all he needs, that he loves me and doesn’t want anybody else and has multiple times but I dont know why I feel such doubt.
I don’t want my past experiences to cloud my current relationship, I don’t want to be jealous or insecure anymore. I don’t want to feel anger towards my friend just because my boyfriend finds her attractive because nobody’s at fault- but it still makes me worried. Enraged.
How would you cope with this? Am I making the right choice by sticking around? How would you separate the past from what’s now- especially when there’s efforts made to make up for it?
TLDR; I’ve had men in my past choose others more physically attractive than me. My boyfriend sought porn of a woman he knew and is making every move to rectify and apologize knowing it was immature but I don’t know how to move on from jealously. Yes I know he’ll find others attractive but that was too personal. I feel numb and like eventually I’ll always be a second choice. I want desperately to be someone’s first. I don’t know how to build confidence.

Dearest,
I want you to understand me fully, because I find it immensely difficult to communicate any of this unless it is all laid out as one mindset, for I fear being misconstrued as ill-intended when for me this is an exercise of truth and speaking that truth which I feel. It is an exercise of honesty, and one of humility as I lay bare before your conscious attention the fullness of my feeling.
I have loved and I have lost. A number of times now, in various ways. I have explored depths of despair, loneliness, grief, trauma, and other shadowy sides to myself and after entertaining death itself for years, I have emerged refreshed and cleansed. I choose life and all that this incarnation has in store for me while my lungs continue to take breath and my heart continues to beat.
My orientation to life has long been to clench and grip and grab and tightly hold on to illusions of control and security. To ensnare people with untenable relationship arrangements founded on a lack of self-acceptance and love. To entertain conditional and transactional experiences with other humans, for fear of being taken advantage of. These seeds I have allowed to take root have sprung up many times, as I have continued to water and enrich them with anxieties and fears. No longer. I choose to live and to love. I choose to cultivate a space of love that welcomes and accepts and validates and entertains without the need for gripping and containing those who enter it. And as the space expands the walls of my heart, the incalculable depths of loving potential arise to the surface and saturate my being. I choose to be love itself, incarnate as far as my current form will allow. I honor my limitations and find great serenity in accommodating and challenging them in due course.
One of my core powers is understanding the nature of limitation itself. Thus I recognize that in terms of my love, a limit does not exist that can ever long persist. My love is infinite. As I fall into the space of love, I too am infinite as a whole and no longer feel a need to leave this form, or end things, or to do anything especial to avoid suffering. I am just love itself, and that is enough to satisfy my mind and my heart and my soul. All that exists that may limit the outpouring of this love is the nature of my form, and that blessedly is ever changing—seemingly to the benefit of all, and will ever grow alongside the expansion of my heart.
This space is supremely difficult to remain in forever. But when I am with you dearest, I am always in that space. I am always in that space of love with you. Even right now. I am in love with you. Do you get what I am saying? I love you as a person, a human, a being in general. I adore so many aspects of you. But I am also IN the space of love WITH you. I am in love WITH you. I love you, but I am also in love with you.
I have no fear stating this. How could I be afraid of loving utterly she for whom I hold all desire? How could I fear you, dearest, when your embrace is pure comfort and pleasure? You are divinely saturated in feminine expression and attract every atom of my being like a super-magnet. In fact, you instead take all my fears away and alchemize them into precise and pristinely perfect inspiration for me to cheerfully ingest, effortlessly. You ARE my inspiration, my muse, my lady, my woman, and my lover in my mind and in my heart.
Your laugh is a fountain of music and your speech an enchantment for my ears. Your smile as you grin at me is so wonderfully and delightfully silly, mischievous, cheerful, hopeful, and full of desire all at once. I have never felt my capacity to love so challenged as by you, but neither have I ever recognized just how utterly willing I am and will ever be to fully explore that capacity with you.
The way your eyes sparkle with celestial radiance, and draw me down into their depths is a fantasy ride into the very dreamy undertones of my most private subconscious sensualities. And with a bright unserious laugher bubbling up in the blink of said eyes, you make me go to pieces with chagrin and humility in the best possible way. Often, your glance pierces with icy diamond sharpness, but gives way to pools of the most vibrant tropical paradise blue that are wells of the deepest wisdom; a spring from the mountains that begins a stream that will take a lifetime to meet the sea. I would swim in the depths of those pools forever, were I so fortunate as to be invited closer than the leaves of the trees on the edge of the forest. The Keen-Eyed I name you, for there exists no veil or shroud over me that your gaze cannot penetrate with swift and unyielding overtones of warmth and delight. No shadow can endure that light.
Your skin is taut; your muscles wrought—of strength, and powerful endurance. You make the lands vibrate with joy and excitement as the wind chases your feet as they dance through the world. When it is out, the sun glows dazzlingly, glittering with tiny rainbows of color as it plays across your aesthetic and athletic form, and all the wildflowers yearn in anticipation as you pass—hoping for the glory and chance of being picked and tucked behind your ear—to their greatest delight and honor. Framing the soft expanse of your brow, the tresses of your hair flash with a rare and glorious golden radiance that only the light of the stars glittering in the inky darkness of night could produce. Their glow traverses the infinite emptiness of space only to at long last become ensnared and woven into the soft strength of each strand, to radiate that light anew.
When I hug you, I realize that if I could, I would freeze time and spend an eternity just holding you in my arms, lovingly caressing your hair and back as your soft gentle weight presses into me, comforting me utterly with the honoring of the full humility of my stark humanity. Feeling your acceptance, and validation and encouraging enrichment through holding you makes me possessed by great sorrow, knowing I must let you go, but it also leaves me with a lasting serenity and pleasure, knowing that within the space of this long lifetime, I somehow have been so unbelievably fortunate as to have been graced by so loving of an embrace. Humans go entire lifetimes without ever experiencing such a wondrous experience, and I treasure it every time it occurs.
You will never owe me anything, nor suffer any binding at my hand, save those of your own choosing. I offer you infinite depths of connection and reassurance amidst the wide world, but I do not seek to contain or cage you. You have a path to walk just as I do, but I would have yours lead back to me each moment that it may. I would cherish and love you all the days of my life, and never would I intentionally overstep your boundaries nor subject you to violence. I would uphold your honor and work to emphasize your grace with my own stature and beauty and power. Such that is granted to me by the space of each moment, anyways. There is great potential for mutual growth and fulfillment between us over the length of a lifetime if we are willing to invest in developing a deeper intertwining of our bodies and our souls. I recognize many limits but no limit to the depths we might explore together. The universe is vast, but perfection abounds from the highest highs to the deepest depths, and as long as I have you nearby, I may envision it and establish it in turn, for the benefit of our family, should you choose to spend your time in my company in a home of our own.
And if your choice is to seek a path that follows a diversion from my own, I will accept it with graceful resignation, wishing you only the utmost happiness for all your days. I may strain to understand how any other might love you with greater ardor than my heart is aflame with, but the cosmos does not revolve around me, and I recognize that there persist many potential partners of greater consideration and so I willingly let go of any claim I might try to lay for your hand. Instead I offer only a blessing, that should the universe favor me at long last, that this letter will not fall astray and will arrive to a welcome reception in the halls of your heart. Should it not, I will sit with contentment, recognizing my own bravery and madness in sending it, and regretting not the choice to seek your fancy.
You are a treasure dearest, and I am a treasure seeker. I covet many gems and beautiful minerals and crystals that this wondrous planet has grown and shaped. But no crystal radiates as you do. No crystal has so beautiful of colors. Nor is as delightfully energizing as you are. I find no greater assurance in any rock or stone than I do holding your hands and being within the sphere of your aura. I have faith that I will become as strong or as harmonious or supportive as ever you might wish me to be, if only were the smile in your eyes to wake me from dreamspace each morning alongside the rays of the sun and so inspire me to greatness.
May this wishful boat of heartfelt intention and deep desire sail gently into the cavernous depths of your being beneath the mountainous wall of the outer bulwark of your defenses, and may it receive safe harborage in the twilight pools of dreams that glow like galaxies in the soft glimmer of crystal-laden caves that house your soul. May it meet there the doorway to your heart, and may it pass over the threshold, to begin anew the conjugation of the universe with itself through the vehicle of our mutual love.
For K,
Who never received it, having chosen another lover.

I (f29) I'm currently 9 months pregnant, my partner (m33) has a very high sex drive and lately due to pregnancy I have not been feeling so into it. It's painful and he has been caught looking up woman/exs and cheating in the past. I feel that if he wouldn't have cheated (talked/sexting exs and other woman) in the past I would be fine with him getting a toy, but he already makes me feel like I'm not enough for me or satisfy him. He got mad when my mood changed when he mentioned getting one saying "oh so now I can't tell you how I feel cause you're gonna overreact?" I didn't overreact I got a bit quiet and shut down, I'm huge about to have a baby and it's not like he's been the most loving and supportive partner during my pregnancy. Am I tripping?
TLDR; 9 months pregnant and partner mentioned getting himself a pocket pxssy to get off. Is it fair to be upset?

10th: Jessica “Sugar” Kiper 1.0 (Gabon - 3rd)

oh yeah, jessica kiper from gilmore girls
u/SMC0629:
Sugar has had such a weird history when it comes to her reception among the fandom. It feels like she either didn't get the respect she deserved, or was super misunderstood. I think she has one of the best journeys throughout the entire show, it's almost unparalleled. She goes from being a seemingly insignificant member of Kota, to becoming so much more scrappy on Fang, showing her truly entertaining personality and how she doesn't take shit from anyone. She's even pretty intelligent, and reads people well, something that is CRUCICAL throughout the season in terms of the strategy. I also really appreciate how the show doesn't shy away from showing her emotional moments, as someone who is the same way I think it's super relatable. She's also just got so many quotables, it's ridiculous, even more than Crystal if you ask me. All in all, a near-perfect character who goes toe to toe with Randy in terms of being my favorite on Gabon.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
Like with Shane, I really wonder how Sugar passed her psyche evaluation to make the cast, but I’m so grateful she did. Sugar is contention for having one of the best stories of all time, filled with religious metaphor, deep story moments, and just plain old simple “fucking hilarious scenes”. Sugar simultaneously gives too many fucks and not enough fucks at any given point, and she’s able to balance both mindsets at any point to a literal perfect degree.
I’ve seen some takes that praise Sugar for single-handedly making the narrative of Gabon about herself, and while I do think the story does revolve around her, I do want to pushback just ever so slightly since I think there is sometimes a soft implication that Sugar might be acting. I think it sometimes is not acknowledged how fragile of a state Sugar really was in this game and how truly emotionally devastating the events of the game were. It’s especially notable in her relationships this game with Ace, Kenny, and Bob, and how tight she is with all three of them and how betrayed she ends up feeling by the first two. There is just a natural spontaneous energy within her as she wrestles with her actions and what she needs to do to make peace with herself and it’s just so engaging.
u/Schroeswald had an amazing write-up that I recommend everyone read when you all get the chance. I’d love to add my own deeper thoughts on her as well, but I’ll just leave it at this for now. So glad she made it back to Endgame.
Overall Rank - 11/821 ~
u/Zanthosus:
I’m not the biggest fan of Gabon. I’ve made that clear throughout the rankdown. But one thing I will say about the season is that Sugar is absolutely incredible and singlehandedly saves the entire thing from being an overly negative and pessimistic slog. She wears her heart on her sleeve, plays with her emotions first, and creates a lot of fun chaos both intentionally and by accident. She’s spectacular. Simple as that.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Sugar, Sugar! Sugar is a woman of many characters, but more importantly the main character of Gabon. Sugar’s emotional outbursts can be a lot, but I think they are tied very nicely to the story about her playing for her father, and it creates a variable season like Gabon that thrives off of its emotions and allows people to be themselves. Her relationships with Crystal, Bob, Matty, and Ace were incredible, and the pin-up model, one that would expect to be underestimated, eventually ran the season like the Marines, though in a chaotic way to the end. Love her, when I rewatched Gabon she flew to my endgame.
Personal Rank: 13/821. 10/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Sugar is unique, as there is multiple ways to look at her story. She could be the girl out there dealing with her emotions and managed to grow as a person, someone who was dragged along and once had power abused it to get her way, or many others. No matter what way you choose to interpret Sugar, there's something interesting about each perspective of her and is another person that helps make Gabon as great of a season as it is.
~~~~~
Tommyroxs45:
Sugar Kiper 1.0:
Sugar, a substance often known as sweet, good to the taste, bad for the health. Does sugar taste good in the moment? Yeah, but overtime it rots the teeth, becoming a negative presence on your life. Had good intentions and felt good but too much hurts.
You know exactly who this definition also applies to… Sugar Kiper.
Sugar has one of the top 3 best stories in the history of Survivor. Period. Paragraph. Her complete control of the game, while being a complete mess made for some of the most complex emotional gameplay ever seen on the show. Every single person she interacted with, had a relationship with her and usually was betrayed by her due to her emotions getting in the way of her gameplay, and I absolutely love it.
At the start, she's just seen as this pin-up girl, but as the game goes on, she becomes more and more wrecked with her emotions and doesn’t even play for herself. She wants to play the hero, by letting all of the good guys get to the end while blowing up her own game, but when she tries to play hero we get everyone else seeing her as “evil”. Becoming one of the most emotional and well told stories of the downfall of a person who was ultimately grieving and trying to play to help others.
We almost never see a hero get a downfall arc, because what is there to give, they are the selfless ones they should always be on the rise. But the great thing about Gabon, is that when someone is a hero, everyone else sees them as a villain because everyone is the villain and they feed off each other.
She throws everything away, her relationships, her game, and even her morals to make sure that the bad guys don’t win and someone she likes does. She will do anything to let that happen. And what makes it so tragic is that she doesn’t get rewarded for it ultimately, she is panned and driven to breakdowns over the feelings everyone else has for her. She was trying to make everyone feel good but it doesn’t work out because of the way she does it, and it’s a dark story but it’s what makes her so amazing.
This is present all throughout her story allowing for her to build as she goes, making it so deep. With her idol find on Exile Island and then her relationship and eventual betrayal of Ace. The premerge does a great job of setting her up, while not having a particular breakout moment. We see how her emotions and grief are impacting her and how it just gets worse and worse as the game goes on. While her story and overall memorability ultimately ramps up a lot at the merge. The premerge sets up a really good tone for the post merge portion to follow.
You can tell she has such good intentions and a big heart but just doesn’t know how to show it and is struggling with grief at the same time. She wants to be loved, and give everyone else the best chance they can get and have an optimal outcome but she can’t do that without pissing everyone off. You know it’s not coming from a place of malice, while her comments towards people like Corinne, Randy, and Crystal were negative, they weren’t wrong, they were bullies, and she called them out on it and sent them home so the nice people like Susie, Bob, and Matty could all get to the end.
That’s what makes her rivalries with these people so legendary, especially Randy obviously. While she has great dynamics with everyone on the season, and we see them explored to their fullest potential, by far her most notable ones are with 6 people, YES 6 PEOPLE! That’s how damn good her influence is that she single handedly in a key point in 6 peoples stories. (7 if you include Ace pre merge)…
Bob, Matty, Kenny, Crystal, Corinne, and Randy. So much of these people’s stories revolve around Sugar and her antics. Every single one of them is legendary, through either her grief, her quips, her heart, or her strategy she makes these stories what they are, none of these people would be the same without her.
Bob:
Bob and Sugar’s relationship is the seasons close. Her seeing him as her father, after her father had just passed before she came out, is such an impactful and honestly kind of beautiful storyline. It’s riddled with darkness but you see a light there, that she sees him in that light and throws away everything to pave the way for him to win and take control over his moves so he could win in the end. I’ll go into this moment later but one of my favorite scenes in the whole show is when Sugar is about to cry as her vote for Matty is read at the final four vote. It’s just perfect.
Matty:
Another one of the good guys just like Bob. They were close out there and you could see a family bond growing between them. Like brother and sister, and they dictated so much of the game together when Crystal and Kenny started to be too big for their britches. Her having to vote him out at the final four vote is tragic, powerful, beautiful, and symbolic of everything Sugar had done up to that point. You can feel her heart being cut in half after Matty loses, it’s like choosing between her father or her brother, and she completely breaks. The music in the background as Matty loses, knowing it was at the hands of Sugar, someone who he thought he could count on as a best friend and wouldn’t hurt him like that, it’s definitely in my top 10 favorite scenes of Survivor. It just sums up the season in a more impactful way than I have seen anything ever do prior or since.
Kenny:
Ah Kenny, what’s there to say about Kenny and Sugar. Their relationship is complicated, and that is probably an understatement, but damn is it good. Ken in a way, manipulates Sugar, often in her head about what to do and trying to play for the underdog. She knows what he is trying to do, but her heart won’t let her break away from it until the final 6 where she puts her foot down and flips on them. She realizes he’s a villain but doesn’t want to break his heart until he just gets too powerful to where he’s interrupting her journey, her path, her game to make the good guys win, and she can’t have that happen.
Her idol play was more of an act rather than a play. She wanted everyone to see that Kenny was evil and that she was doing this for the greater good. Now did everyone else see it like that, no, and that’s what makes it so great, she has great intentions, but it just doesn’t come off that way. Kenny is ultimately left heart broken and felt entitled to her heart, and for her to take that away from him left him pissed. To where we get a very funny one on one end but also a very telling jury speech from Kenny explaining his feelings for Sugar and how she took away his heart.
Crystal:
Sugar is the reason for Crystal’s downfall. Her relationship with Kenny just got too big for the game and were intruding on Sugar’s perfect story of getting the good guys to the end. Her jury speech to Sugar also represents Sugar’s mishandling of her emotions and calling out Crystal as a bully did not help that. Crystal was somebody on Sugar’s side and laughed with her at Randy’s misfortunes, being turned on definitely left a bad taste in her mouth, just crumbling Sugar’s mental state further and further. Showing how she’s pushing away everybody, even the ones who she aligned with and kept with, because of her motive and her grief.
Corinne:
Before I start I just want to say, fuck Corinne. Okay, now that is out of the way, Corinne is actually really good for Sugar’s story. Corinne is a bitch, a bully, and a terrible person, no bullshit, that’s who she is. However, she really plays up Sugar’s role on the season, being this opposition to her and everything she does. Someone who just has pure hate at the heart that owns it. She underestimates Sugar, until Sugar flips the game on its head for her and is all “woe is me!!” It’s really funny. She falls at the hands of Sugar and it is oh so satisfying.
Of course though what else could I bring up other than her jury speech. It’s awful towards Sugar, and one of the worst things ever said to somebody on the show. However, it really sums up Sugar’s story, with everyone’s opinions on her, her emotions, and her heart just trying to be full while being stomped on at every corner. I hate it as a moment for Corinne but as a moment for Sugar, it’s really works and is a dark way to bring Sugar’s story to a close but it was the only way that was gonna close.
Randy:
This is THE relationship of the season. Their rivalry is one of the most iconic of all time. It’s a lot like Jane and Marty where they just hate each other, do anything to bring out the worst in each other, and do not hold any personal punches back. Randy’s boot episode is in my top 10 favorite episodes of all time because of these two. The auction shenanigans where Randy gets pissed because of Sugar. Then, she tells Bob to give Randy the fake idol, and then laughs after Randy plays it. It is the funniest episode of all time and it’s not close.
They are so iconic together, it’s why Gabon is looked at the way it is today, because of these two and their relationship, or lack thereof. I mostly adore it for entertainment reasons but it also greatly lifts up both of their stories as well. Randy is a grumpy old man who has very little in his life and just spews his hatred out on others, and Sugar doesn’t see it as a lonely old man, she sees him as a complete asshole and someone who just has too much pure vile for no reason. He plays up her role of the “protector” and she plays up his role as “the old ass”. It works perfectly for the season both from a story perspective and especially an entertainment perspective, it’s T.V GOLD!
Sugar’s Final Tribal
I mentioned it previously, but her final tribal is the summation of her character and all the things she did during the game. She has a huge heart and is struggling so much with her emotions and breakdowns, to where this is just the huge snowball crashing into the tree. She is absolutely panned and it’s tragic, dark, but the perfect and most satisfying way to end her story. She is mentally broken at this point being out there for 39 days and just to be beaten down again and again for her chaos even if she had the heart behind it. It's sad but it’s serious and the way it should end.
Final Thoughts
Sugar is an absolutely phenomenal character. Her struggle with grief vs emotions vs game is an iconic story that has never been done as well ever in the history of the show. She genuinely has no faults as a character and has so many of the iconic moments that make Gabon what it is. She has such a sweet soul but it became damaging overtime as too much of her antics intruded on others peoples games.
In any other season, Sugar would be loved, and appreciated and supported, but in Gabon she’s hated and that’s why her dynamics are what make Sugar, Sugar! She works off everybody around her perfectly making some of the most iconic storylines ever seen. She’s such a deep and complex person that anybody that she interacts with is automatically made into a great story because she just has these relationships that feed into her emotions and her grief that are shown and told fantastically by the edit.
I adore Sugar, she is easily in my top 10 of all time and will always be there. She has a story unparalleled by anyone else and for that, I appreciate both her and the edit for being able to pull off one of the best stories of all time. Just like sugar, Sugar is a sweet character but one that has side effects but I still love her anyways.
SMC0629: 12
DryBonesKing: 10
Zanthosus: 8
Tommyroxs45: 5
Regnisyak1: 10
DavidW1208: 17
ninjedi1: 14
Average Placement: 10.857
Total Points: 76
Standard Deviation: 3.394 (5th Lowest)
Won Tiebreaker

Hi, I am 29M, living in Bangalore, looking for a CF woman (between 24 to 34) for a serious long-term relationship anywhere across India. I am a Software engineer, 5 ft 5 in, speaks Hindi, Telugu and English fluently. I am a simple, no fuss, no drama kinda guy, finding beauty in clarity and strength in simplicity. I've chosen to stay childfree for various reasons like, financial stability, better mental health, better relationship with partner, freedom to explore the world etc.
A brief about me: A rationalist, apolitical, ambitious, ambivert, open minded, curious, creative, financially stable, smart spender and a long term investor. I am a music enthusiast and a movie buff who appreciates cinema for the quality of story telling rather than the stories themselves. I love motorcycles, mountains, morning rides, cool winters and hot coffees. I enjoy outdoor activities, exploring city and its outskirts mostly during winters. I got other hobbies which I keep switching between, such as reading books (mostly fiction), playing video games (single player and RPG stuff), video editing, audiophilia. Nowadays, I am trying to learn how to play music. I wish to travel and open to explore new hobbies that satisfy my curiosity towards art, adventure and literature. I don't drink or smoke or have any other addictions. Also a non vegetarian who likes to cook and likes to try new foods and try to eat healthy. I keep myself fit by running, jogging as a part of my morning routine. Whenever I feel lonely, I engage in various activities to distract myself and stay busy, however, I realised that what I truly crave for is love and companionship. I feel like I have so much to share and so much love to give, I just wish there is someone out there who would treasure it and reciprocate.
Belief drives behaviour - I prefer a partner who is either atheistic or agnostic or rational in their beliefs. Other preferences - Non smoker, non drinker or occasional drinker, financially independent, emotionally available.
Please hit me up if you are interested. We can discuss more and see where it goes. Anyone from Bangalore who would like to hangout sometime, go on a ride, grab a biryani, checkout new places etc, I am open for that too. Thanks for reading. Peace!

I 21 (intersex) am engaged to a man. to give some relevant context he is from a very traditional Christian mexican family and i have a medical condition that makes me intersex (for those who arent aware of what that is, im essentially biologically in between male and female due to my body not being able to go through the correct puberty which is caused by a medical condition i was born with) however i do present myself as male since it grants me more security and it felt like the correct choice to go with.
my fiancé is queer as am i, but because of his family’s history with religion we couldn’t really tell them (more so his mother) we were together until the day before we were going to get engaged. she took it as well as any heavily religious mother with a gay son would have taken it which didnt surprise us but what became extremely unusual was the aftermath and how shes deciding to currently cope with this.
(i was not here for this conversation but this was what my fiancé relayed to me) her first initial response was her admitting that she believed we were really good for each other and she admitted how much happier my fiancé seemed to be when we moved in together. she reminisced about how i danced with her at her daughters quinceañera and that i seemed very sweet.
this was good but it quickly spiraled once she refused to talk to my fiancé on his birthday and then went on to ignore his mothers day gift to her. there was a alot of silence for awhile and all of this was somewhat expected since we prepared for the worst. what happens next literally happened an hour ago as of me writing this post.
she asked to meet my fiancé at the local park in our neighborhood. she wanted to meet with him to talk about our relationship but the tone changed drastically. she initially tried to pin the blame on my fiancé for not being “faithful” enough. but when they went to meet earlier today she completely shifted focus on how it was me who was “lost”. his mother refused to refer to me as anything other than “she” which doesnt bother me too much but felt bizzare since i am a grown man who looks and sounds very much male. she was alot more angry with me and said that i needed to become a woman and repent because i was “making the relationship sinful” this was all very weird to me as i was never raised christian or catholic and i genuinely didnt believe that people like this existed. (before this experience i genuinely thought it was a strawman argument or only people who were in legitimate cults)
when my fiancé came home and told me everything i was just really confused but when she left him a text message it got alot more weird. im parapahrasing but she essentially said “she is made for you and god will turn her into a woman so you can be together” i honestly didnt see this coming at all and i only really prepared for his family to be non accepting in the normal sense, not like this.
we were firm in saying that “i am both so i will be both” which i know isnt a satisfying answer but she seemed to be really happy about it reguardless. shes still very firm in believing that im going to become a woman which even if i wanted to i cant because my body does not take well to estrogen and it would be dangerous for me to try and transition (trust me i tried taking E and it didnt go well) i dont mind presenting as feminine but any sort of femininity would just make me look more like a gay man. im not opposed to it but i know that its going to only anger my future mother in law more if i just became a crossdresser. i dont know if malicious compliance would knock some sense into her or make things worse. ill keep this post as updated as possible but i would really like some advice.
edit for clarification:
1.) i do not plan to medically transition. i am currently debating on if i should present as feminine to my future MIL to give her a wakeup call and show her that im not going to suddenly become the poster child of what women are “supposed” to look like. i dont know if this would be a step to far or not which is why im asking if i WBTA.
2.) everyone else in my fiancés family is relatively okay and dont care about him being gay. this is only his mother as far as we know. she cant disown him without also losing her other kids and possibly more family members since he was the one who raised his siblings and they see him more like a father figure than anything.
3.) despite all of this i still want to work things out with his mother because i understand that this is probably the biggest cultural shock shes ever gotten and i feel like there is a chance she can recover. she is generally a normal person and i want to try any option i can before cutting her out since it would cause a huge amount of chaos.

He says he loves me and I do to very much. Our relationship hasn’t been doing well so far and I found out that he has a fetish that is of a totally different woman type that I am. This is another can of worms but I have this hunch that I can not satisfy his sexual urges bc of this. We had a long talk after this about our needs and we decided to be more honest about we felt about each other.
But there is this one thing that I can’t get over and it’s that he said he is not sure how long he wants to be with me bc I’m his first and he will always wonder what it will be like to be with other women. I feel like I could be in this relationship for a long long time. But I’m so unsure about his feeling about me now . There is a big transition happening rn in our life and It would be the perfect time for us to have a fresh new start separately. Im struggling to understand if our relationship is worth continuing.

In anticipation of M6, I think it would be fun to host a little game here on the subreddit involving every one of Marina's songs before her discography expands! A similar game was hosted on the Taylor Swift subreddit, and it was a fun time so I'm bringing a similar version here! Here's how it works:
I will be including every Marina song from an album, as well as Mermaid Vs. Sailor, all of her unreleased songs*, and features. I will not be counting covers. The songs will be categorized by their starting letter (e.g. Primadonna will be in the "P" category) and you guys will vote on which category of letter is the best! This will continue until each letter has been ranked. Voting is simple, the letter with the highest amount of upvotes wins the round! (e.g. if you want to vote for P, and someone else has already commented P, simply upvote that comment.) Each round will last 3 days.
*I'm not counting Not That Ugly or When You Take Away Control since only the titles of those songs are known. I'm not counting snippets either, so no Beautiful World.
Here are the letter categories!
A- About Love, Absent Love, Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land, Are You Satisfied?
B- Baby, Bad Kidz, Believe In Love, Better Than That, Blindfold Me, Blue, Bubblegum Bitch, Bump In The Night, Buy The Stars
C- Can't Pin Me Down, Cause I'm A Woman, Cruel
D- Daddy Was A Sailor, Demons And Angels, Dirty Sheets, Disconnect, Double Life
E- E.V.O.L, Electra Heart, Emotional Machine, End Of The Earth, Enjoy Your Life, Eternity
F- Fear And Loathing, Flowers, Forget, Free Woman, Froot
G- Girls, Gold, Goodbye, Guilty
H- Handmade Heaven, Happy, Happy Loner, Happy Meal, Hermit The Frog, Highly Emotional People, Holiday, Hollywood, Homewrecker, Horror Pop, Hot, Cross Bun, How To Be A Heartbreaker, Hubba, Hypocrates
I- I Am Not A Robot, I Love You But I Love Me More, I'm A Ruin, I'm Not Hungry Anymore, If I Left The World, If It's Worth It, Immortal
J- Jealousy, Just Desserts
K- Karma
L- Lies, Life Is Strange, Like China Dolls, Like The Other Girls, Living Dead, Lonely Bones, Lonely Hearts Club
M- Man's World, Miss Y, Mowgli's Road
N- New America, No More Suckers, Numb
O- Obsessions, Oh No!, Orange Trees
P- Pancake Karma, Pandora's Box, Perfect-Oh, Philosopher My Arse, Pink Convertible, Plastic Rainbow, Please Don't Call Me, Porn Does Good, Power & Control, Primadonna, Purge The Poison
R- Radioactive, Rootless
S- Savages, Saviour, Scab And Plaster, Seventeen, Sex Yeah, Shampain, Silver Walls, Simplify, Sinful, Soft To Be Strong, Solitaire, Starlight, Starring Role, Su-Barbie-A, Supermodel's Legs, Superstar
T- Teen Idle, The Archetypes, The Art Of Letting Go, The Common Cold, The Family Jewels, The Outsider, The State Of Dreaming, There's Nothing Wrong With You, This Is L.A., To Be Human, Too Afraid, Troubled Mind, True
V- Valley Of The Dolls, Venus Fly Trap
W- Water Under The Bridge, Weeds, What I Wanna Do, Where Diamonds Grow
Y- You
Happy Voting! :D

DISCLAIMER: English isn't my first language, so there may be some mistakes. Corrections are welcome. Thanks for understanding!
For context, my first experiences with D&D go back to 5-6 years ago, when I played with a highly toxic and misogynistic group of what I considered friends, who exploited any occasion to make me feel stupid just because I was the only female-presenting person. When I distanced myself from this group, thanks to therapy and a lot of work on myself, I stopped playing for a couple of years. That's why I was very excited when, 7 months ago, I was invited by the DM to join an ongoing online campaign played by people I recently met and I felt very comfortable and safe with. So, I didn't even consider the possibility that I might dislike it.
I had been playing with them for 7 months until I realized I wasn't having fun anymore and, since I was under the impression (but it was later confirmed) that I was the only player feeling that way, I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave. So, after one of our sessions I talked privately to the DM and told them exactly that. I also specified that there was nothing personal, it was no one's fault and that it was merely a matter of taste, so they didn't have anything to worry about.
At first, they were surprised but didn't ask any questions and it seemed like they took it well. The next morning I got some passive-aggressive messages from them where they asked me to talk again, telling me they couldn’t sleep all night due to thinking about this, and also saying: "a DM, who puts heart and soul into telling you their story, deserves a little more than being brushed off in 5 minutes... what do you think?". I became nervous at this point. So we talked again and I calmly responded to all of their questions about why I wasn't having fun, with the intention to solve this peacefully and keep the friendship, specifying again that there was nothing wrong in what they were doing as a DM and that the way I was feeling was my problem and my problem only, not theirs. After this second exchange they seemed convinced and I was satisfied as I felt that for both me and them the issue was solved.
The day after, the DM’s partner (who plays in the campaign, but had never been directly involved in the discussion between me and the DM) asked a couple of mutual friends to talk. He told them I was behaving like a nazi for wanting to leave the campaign without giving it a second chance, that saying: "it's my problem that I don't like the campaign" is childish, that I was arrogant while explaining my reasons and that a raging barbarian is nicer than me. Now, I don't think I did anything wrong and being honest about this comes from a deep sense of respect and gratitude towards this group of friends, specifically the DM. So, was it right to say what I thought or should I have made up some excuse to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings?
The reasons why I didn't like the campaign aren't very relevant, but if you are curious, here are some details about it.

• Most of the frustrations stem from the current setting, which is a steampunk world inspired by the 1800s London, where the existence of magic, violence and weapons isn’t allowed by the "local god". It’s an investigative narrative arc, where our group has to solve a series of murders and catch the killer, relying only on skill checks and non-violent means. Still, it was impossible for us to do so as they didn’t leave any evidence, and to murder their targets they stopped time and resumed it once they were done and gone, so we couldn’t even anticipate them. The reason behind this is that every murder is somehow tied to our characters' backstory, one for each of us, and the DM has been railroading us to only be able to solve the case and catch the murderer after the last one was done and all the lore had been dropped. This, in my opinion, made the whole arc very monotonous, predictable and boring.
• I felt like, as a player, I didn't have much freedom and that I couldn't make any choice that the DM hadn't planned. Some examples:
  • As a detective collaborating with the police to find the serial killer, I wanted to enter the private room of an NPC, which had a guard at the door. I tried to convince the guard to let me in, but the DM didn’t let me try rolling a skill check; it was just impossible. The DM later explained to me that the only reason why we couldn't meet that NPC was because it was meant to be met later on.
  • There was an arena where only two PCs, handpicked by the DM, could participate. When I asked to participate I was told that women can't fight in the arena because, in that setting, it was considered strange. There were still female NPCs participating.
  • There was an orphanage on fire and some of our group wanted to rush in to save the children inside; nothing was blocking the way. The DM wouldn’t let us do it and then said: “You don’t know how a fire works”. We then relented and moved on.
• In the arena, while the two chosen players were participating in the encounters, the rest of us were forced to stay there. We still had to investigate the crimes, so we were supposed to interact with important NPCs inside this kind of magical FightClub, which made you lose all your memories of it once you got out, basically throwing away two or three weekly sessions, which our characters would never remember.
• All the PCs' appearances were magically changed by the DM in order to fit in the world we moved into, which is cool. The thing I didn't like is that no one could choose what they looked like and while the other PCs only had an outfit change, so they were satisfied, my character ended up being totally different (from a tanned, fit, bald woman, she became a white, soft, red-haired woman with an intricate hairstyle).

I didn't tell the DM everything I've written here exactly the same. I explained some general things that I didn't like and was much more cautious with the terms, focusing on the fact that the way they play it's just not my style and that it's no one's fault. Again, I never said that any of these things are wrong; they are just some events that I found frustrating and they kept on accumulating.

I’m in utter shock and disbelief. I’m on my fourth week of Wellbutrin and this truly has been that “missing link” that I have been praying for.
Some background: I’m technically morbidly obese at 5’2 and 198 pounds (I’m a woman). I’ve been wanting and trying to lose weight in earnest for the past year, but I just kept self-sabatoging. Binging food and candy, plus just feeling constantly hungry—and several times each week getting takeout because I was so busy and tired and hungry to make an actual meal. I didn’t feel like I had the ability, literally, to turn down a treat or just have a little bit of something unhealthy. It was absolute hell.
Turns out I may have ADHD. I for sure have depression and anxiety, and at my last doctors visit four weeks ago my doctor suggested adding Wellbutrin to the zoloft I’m already taking.
All I can say is HOLY SHIT. I genuinely do not recognize myself. It’s like I have a new superpower. Not only do I not feel like I’m absolutely starving anymore, I also don’t feel like every single bite of food has to be a dopamine explosion. It’s like my brain was so starved of dopamine it would only let me eat fatty sugar bombs to get that hit.
Also? I suspect I was under medicated for my depression as well—or maybe this was just a side effect of the SSRI: Everything no longer feels like an enormous chore, including cooking and food prep. I actually have energy to DO THINGS, and what seems like patience to LEARN how to do more things. Hence I’ve been on TikTok learning how to make vegetables taste good. Now that I have a seemingly normal appetite AND I’m not seeking out dopamine it seems possible for me to eat plant-based instead of whatever trash I find in the pantry.
I feel like a different person and for the first time EVER it feels like weight loss is possible for me. I have lost six pounds in the last four weeks and as I learn more about health and weight loss, I know I’ll see more weight drop off.
Seriously: my daughter just came by and dropped a package of sour punch straws on my lap—a friend got them for her and she doesn’t like them, so she’s offering them to me. Normally I would have torn off the wrapper and devoured these on sight. Instead the package is untouched and I’ve had two big bowls of steamed potatoes and broccoli (with salt and butter—so not perfectly healthy but oh so satisfying). I can’t even tell you how unthinkable this would have been just a month ago.
Anyway—wanted to put this out there for whoever may need medication, or who is struggling with binging due to ADHD. This med isn’t for everyone, obviously, and Wellbutrin in particular seems very dependent on the individual. Also, I am constipated as hell, which is an unfortunate side effect. But I’ll take constipation over the prison I was living in any day.

A lady came to me. She had been a follower of Krishnamurti for many years, then a small thing disturbed the whole thing and the whole apple cart was upturned. The thing was so small that I was surprised. There was a camp in Holland where Krishnamurti holds a camp every year, and the woman had gone there from India. Near about two thousand people had gathered from all over the world to listen to him. The next morning the lectures were going to start, and the woman had gone shopping. And she was surprised, Krishnamurti was also shopping. An enlightened person shopping? Can you believe it? Buddha in a supermarket? And not only that — he was purchasing a necktie. Enlightened people need neckties? And not only that — the whole counter was full of neckties and he was throwing them this way and that, and he was not satisfied with any.
The woman watched, looked at the whole scene, and fell from the sky. She thought, “I have come from India for this ordinary man who is purchasing neckties. And even then, of thousands of neckties of all colors and all kinds of material, nothing is satisfying to him. Is this detachment? Is this awareness?”
She turned away. She didn’t attend the camp, she came back immediately. And the first thing she did was to come running to me, and she said, “You are right.”
I said, “What do you mean?”
She said, “You are right that it was useless wasting my time with Krishnamurti. Now I want to become a Sannyasin of yours.”
I said, “Please excuse me, I cannot accept you. If you cannot accept Krishnamurti, how can I accept you? Get lost! … Because here you will see far more disappointing things. What are you going to do with my Mercedes Benz? So before it happens, why bother? What are you going to do with my air-conditioned room? Before it happens, it is better that you go and find some Muktananda, etc. You have not been able to understand Krishnamurti, you will not be able to understand me.”
People like Krishnamurti live on a totally different plane. Their anger is not your anger. And who knows that he was not just playing with those ties for this stupid old woman? Masters are known to devise things like that. He got rid of this stupid old woman very easily.
LOL

I am in no way trying to troll or rag on the polyamory life. I am trying to understand and just need someone to talk to because he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. And I know no one who is polyamory besides him. I am really hoping this post doesn’t get removed because I have no one to talk to.
So some back story on me and hubby. We have been married about 14 years and have 3 kids. He has mentioned a few times that he is polyamorous but never pushed anything.
Recently, an ex-girlfriend (only ever chatted online, never met in person) came back into my husband’s life. She’s like a ping pong ball in that sense. She’s popped in and out of our relationship many times. Once, he even lied to me and said he was leaving me for her. It was a dark time that led to me demanding he cut her out. When the truth came out, I was open to friendship with her for his sake and my own sanity. She disappeared again only to recently return.
Lately, he’s been opening up to me more that he is polyamorous and would like to explore the possibility, when this ex is single, of having both of us. I am not, nor have I ever been, polyamorous. However, I was open to discussing it and seeing if I could set my own misgivings aside to make him happy. I didn’t know he was polyamorous when we were dating and marrying.
He explained it like a void. He’s happy with me and content with me, but there’s a piece of him missing, an ache I can’t fulfill. This ex fills that ache. He was happy when we were considering it. He even said I would come first in all things since I am, technically, the legal wife. She would be second. We would share all things besides that. But separate bedrooms for… activities. Anyway.
Unfortunately, her religious beliefs and mine clash horribly. It doesn’t prevent me from liking her. I enjoy talking to her and listening to her hobbies and her religion, and she doesn’t stop me from talking about mine. However, I don’t like the idea of sharing my husband at all with this because lately he’s been saying he wants to protect our kids and their souls and so on. She is pagan, and I am Christian. She claims to have a fallen angel as a… friend? I don’t know, it didn’t make sense when she described it. She’s also super into ghost hunting and has connections with spirits. I am not exactly a traditional Christian in any sense of the word, but things like that do worry me.
She told me that I come first. He is married to me, she is married. They both have promises they need to fulfill. She says she is willing to wait until the next life to have him. I admit she doesn’t sound open to polyamory either, and she knows nothing about mine and husband’s conversations. We specifically said we wouldn’t talk to her to avoid starting drama between her and her husband.
It all came to a head the other day leaving me an absolute mess and him apologizing for hurting me and me apologizing for hurting him. Because I know how much this girl means to him. I know how satisfied he’s been knowing that we’re getting along, that I’m considering polyamory. But I can’t make the puzzle pieces fit in my head. I can’t reconcile the religious differences to accept bringing this woman in as someone we spend our lives with.
He’s obviously hurting now that he knows it’s a definite no, and he says nothing will change but that he’ll need a few days to get over his hurt. I get that. I am also hurting because it kills me that I have hurt him like this. I just don’t know what to do and have nowhere else to turn.
Possibly important info: I work, he doesn’t. Her husband works, she doesn’t. She and her husband also have 3 kids. No polyamory would occur unless she divorced or her husband died. She lives clear across the country from us. 24 hours by car.
Edit to add: I asked him if maybe he’d like to divorce and pursue her when she’s single, and he said that wasn’t what he wanted either since I would just be “moving to a different void”.
Another edit to add: He’s brought up the conversation a couple of other times but has always changed his mind or decided he didn’t like the person he was considering. This is the first time with this particular ex that I already know he’s obsessed with.

The Flash #96 - Close Encounters of the Cold Kind

<< < > Coming July 1st
Author: brooky12
Book: Flash
Arc: ?
Set: 96
 
Abra and Lisa walked through the door, already glancing at corners and posters on the wall, noting down the potential spots for hidden cameras. Abra was wearing a slick suit and tie, as if he had just walked out the door from some generic office C-suite job. Lisa was in a much more suble outfit, a casual dress and wool pullover, large purse that seemed inconspicuous if you didn’t know a pair of ice skates were hiding in it.
 
“You go on, I’m just going to sit down,” Lisa sighed, waving Abra forward as she moved towards a nearby couch. None of the people in line for the bank teller minded the two, other than the younger woman at the end of the line who seemed motivated to pay attention to anything but the fact that she was going to be standing for the next ten or twenty minutes.
 
Abra nodded, walking confidently up to one of the bank’s side rooms. The man inside looked up confused for a moment, hiding a grimace with a large smile. “Welcome to Milwa Key Bank, come on in!”
 
All it took was a suit and tie for the average service employee to bend over backwards to try and accommodate you, Abra thought. His average performance outfit received scorn and disgust outside of the context of his shows, but when he looked rich, all of the sudden he didn’t even need an appointment.
 
“Hello! My wife and I recently moved here, and we’d like to begin the process of rehoming our assets. Figured we’d start at least with a simple account or three to keep things centralized here in Milwa Key and give us access to, you know, the financial support staff here to get our bigger stuff moved over.”
 
Was this how rich people talked? He wasn’t sure.
 
“Well certainly, we’re happy to have you here. What is your name? You need multiple accounts, for you and your wife?”
 
Abra smiled. “Well, my name is Ibrim Nassau, and my wife’s name is Carol Bennd. We’d like to open personal accounts for each of us, as well as a shared account for our personal corporation that we handle shared expenses through, C.B.I.N. Inc.”
 
“Certainly. Unfortunately, I can’t help you with the shared account if you wish it to be connected to a company—that would require an appointment with a corporate representative who isn’t in today. I also can’t open an account for your wife without her here to consent and sign the paperwork.”
 
Abra nodded, turning back to the open door. “Carol, they’ll need you for when they make your account.”
 
Lisa looked up, halfway finished putting on her second ice skate. “Just do yours first, I’m in the middle of something here!”
 
Abra turned back to the employee. “Mine first, she’ll be in shortly. Women,” he joked, watching an air of unease settle on the employee between his comment and watching Lisa putting on ice skates. He didn’t go for any sort of alarm system yet, though.
 
“Understood. Do you have a local ID to Milwaukee County yet, or are you still out-of-county or out-of-state?”
 
“Actually, if you’d believe it, funnily enough, I’m, out of time!”
 
The joke barely landed as the bank employee stood up in horror, staring out the door as he watched Lisa icing off the entry to the bank. Before he could even shout anything or react, Abra blew across his open palm in the man’s direction, watching him grow drowsy then fall to the floor asleep in a matter of seconds.
 
The alarms went off, but that was fine. The quiet part was over and pretending to be upright citizens was tiring, anyways.
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 
“Iced over bank in Milwaukee,” Barry sighed, placing down his phone and looking up to Jay.
 
Jay, for his part, didn’t seem quite as exhausted. “Cap. Cold?”
 
“I sent a message to the prison, they’ll get back to me, but you’d think they’d give us a heads up if he went missing already. Bit of travel to get to Wisconsin if he broke out today.”
 
Jay stood up, switching into his outfit. “His stuff was always tech, possible someone figured out his nonsense and recreated it?”
 
Barry joined him, and the two ran out the door. “Let us know if the prison gets back to us, please,” Jay called over the communication device, and a confirmation from Nora Allen was their final comment from the compound before they arrived on the scene.
 
For a late May afternoon, with the temperature somewhere in the 90s, the vision of a fully frozen over bank building was almost an appealing sight. The local officer, on their arrival, jogged over.
 
“Good to see you, Flashes! Alarms started going off about an hour ago, but due to a technical hiccup in our system we didn’t find out until about a half hour ago. We sent in our report on arrival. All entrances are iced over, we’ve got a hostage negotiator on their way but we don’t know how many folks are trapped inside.”
 
“Do you know who might’ve done this?”
 
“Nope. No ice metahuman records in the region.”
 
“Gotcha, thank you. You mind if we try to do something, or would you like us to wait to see what happens?”
 
“By all means, Flash, y’all are the experts here. Policy is to let proven folks like you ahead, even after whatever happened during the winter. But I’m sure you don’t wanna hear policy ramblings.”
 
Barry took a deep breath. He didn’t want to hear policy ramblings, especially after the Flashpoint time rewriting, for sure. “Thanks, Chief.”
 
The two approached the iced over building, Jay running a finger across the ice. “Cold,” which confirmed at least that it wasn’t illusionary or a trick of the eye somewhat. What it also meant was that it could be shattered.
 
The two walked up to the front door, each placing their hands up to the ice. The vibration of their fingers and palm started small, testing the density and thickness of the ice first. Then the vibrations grew in intensity, melting the ice directly on it and nearby but also introducing faults throughout the structure. This would probably break the doors as well, but there were resources to pay for damages.
 
The heat melted more ice than the vibrations chipped any off, until about thirty seconds in. Some inflection point had passed, and large cracks showed up all throughout the ice, before a large chunk shattered in front of them. Not large enough to walk comfortably through, but enough to take advantage of the surprise to crawl through and get inside.
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 
Ugh. Whatever that crash upstairs was, it wasn’t good tidings.
 
Lisa glanced at Abra, both grimacing as they tried, wordlessly, to figure out who was going to be the one heading upstairs. They were both in the bank’s vault, tossing bundles of cash through an open portal. They hadn’t even bothered to secure or watch the hostages, feeling confident that most average folks would rather sit still than risk being frozen into a popsicle or magic’d into nonexistence.
 
“Let me go up and see what that’s about, you keep getting money,” Abra offered, heading towards the staircase. Lisa was satisfied with that, a magician probably could defend himself better than her ice skates could. Abra jogged up the stairs, hearing the sounds of many sets of footprints. Hostages escaping or police force coming in. Probably both.
 
Instead of rushing in head first, Abra sprinkled a bit of dust on himself, making himself nearly invisible to the naked eye. He hugged the wall as he left the stairwell, eyes focused first on where the hostages were told to stay – all gone. The two Flashes in the main entryway were his next focus. He crushed a small marble in his pocket, sending a warning to Lisa downstairs – now was the time for her to leave.
 
Time to leave their mark. The two of them didn’t seem to see or hear him as he moved out of their stairwell, pulling out a small cylinder of herbs and powder. He snapped it in two, throwing each half at the two Flashes. As soon as it came out of his invisible cloak, the two reacted fast enough to get out of the way, but it served its purpose.
 
The tubes began their effect, turning into a condensed area of choking gas. The Flashes were no longer in there, but it was enough for them to focus on as he moved onto his next step. He rubbed a bit of lotion on his wrists, using the magic to then float up in the air. Flashes were fast, but they were vertically challenged, so long as he stayed out of arm’s reach in the air there wasn’t much they could do.
 
The Flashes investigated the gas, taking a sample seemingly as the one with the metal hat charged off towards the vault. When he came back empty-handed, Abra felt confident that Lisa had dipped. He took out two small spheres, tossing them at nearby walls. They exploded on impact, spelling out their requested calling card—CBIN—in a material that would slowly shift colors while also being difficult to remove.
 
Abra wanted to mess with the Flashes more, but getting caught right now was going to be terrible. One of them was already doing a touch test on every inch of the building he could reach, so the longer he waited the more he risked one of them doing some superspeed nonsense to find him. This wasn’t even supposed to be an actual interaction, he had been running a script for generic SWAT teams. It was time to go.
 
A small wand apparated in his hand, which he circled around himself. A quick teleport back to home base ensured his safety, though the rush of adrenaline still kept him on edge.
 
“What happened, you’re back quick,” Lisa asked, not even finished organizing the bags of money they had lifted.
 
“Flashes showed up,” Abra groaned, taking a deep breath. “Not convinced we were set up, they didn’t seem to be expecting me.”
 
“Guess we’ll see what the Curator says, if anything. Bad bait if they couldn’t even figure out your gimmicks after all of this.”
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 
Jay sighed, shaking his head. “Why ice, though? Really feels targeted in a way, who is going to freeze over a building and then just ignore the hostages other than Snart?”
 
Wally nodded. “Just not dismissing possibilities. Do we know for sure that was him? Do we know for sure that the magician or whatever the guy you faced was acting alone?”
 
“Nobody else in the building. I suppose they could’ve escaped alongside the hostages, but surely the hostages wouldn’t just let their captor slip out with them.”
 
Wally’s eyes narrowed. “It’s happened before, no?”
 
“In movies, maybe,” Jay chuckled. “We shouldn’t discount the possibility, I guess. Just seems so odd to me that the building freezes over, but then whatever we actually faced inside was like, gas canisters and graffiti bombs. Pretty sure there’s more, given that we never actually saw where the things were coming from, but hard to pinpoint what or how.”
 
“CBIN, right?”
 
“Not even a shell company. We’re trying to track down what it could be connected to, but anything associated with CBIN seems to be entirely disconnected. And no hostage remembers anything. Even the guy who was supposedly talking to him claims to have a blank spot on what the guy was saying or what he looked like.”
 
Elsewhere in the country, a man and a woman sat quietly. The man lifted each stack of bills telekinetically, magically detaching the dye that had stained each banknote. It wasn’t a particularly quick process, but it was calming. At least Abra was able to do it stack by stack, which made the process faster.
 
The woman sat at a computer, typing out a letter. They were growing more suspicious of the Curator, given that The Flash had shown up. Their understanding was that the Flash Museum, which the Curator was supposedly a part of, was not on good talking terms with The Flash folk themselves.
 
And yet, two of them had shown up. That wasn’t a smoking gun, The Flash could show up literally anywhere they wanted at presumably seconds’ notice, but for them to show up after this had been the Curator’s request hit for authenticity? They weren’t going to cut off contact with the Curator, not just yet, but they both were more suspicious than they had been. They hadn’t even mentioned the Flash appearance yet to Anthony, who likely would’ve reached poorly. He didn’t remember hating The Flash during the time change nonsense but had been willing to learn. The two of them felt better holding on to the information for now, anything suspicious might’ve caused him to careen into theorist worries and get cold feet.
 
They sat quietly. The next step, no matter what the Curator responded with, was to find more allies. The Curator was a potential sponsor, which was fine, but they needed more allies that could help in a fight. Lisa remembered more than just the three of them—four of them, but the kid didn’t want to join—during their time experience but finding them had been more difficult.

Full Comments

No. I would not have sex with a man who raped trafficked women 🤮 (8 child comments)

Many women willingly choose sex work

And many don’t. How is the John to know? He doesn’t. So in his mind he should understand that he could be raping every “sex worker” he “hires.”

What an unhinged take.

Yeah, how crazy to not want to rape people. Wacky.

Assuming that all sex workers are unwilling and being trafficked IS unhinged behavior. Exponentially more people are trafficked for non-sex labor than sex work, but I never hear a peep about it from the sex work pearl clutchers.

This post wasn’t about trafficked people who are doing other types of forced labor. So, why on earth would I talk about that? I also didn’t mention oranges or eyelashes…because the post wasn’t about that. Want to talk about football…for no reason?

Because there are FAR more women being trafficked for domestic and sweatshop labor than for sex?

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Never. If the woman needs payment then she doesn't really want it. A man willing to fuck someone who doesn't enthusiastically desire them is not a good person. If you can't find someone who wants you just go without... (50 child comments)

This is wildly untrue, and a gross outlook. The fact that most the comments have support for sex workers, while demonizing people who pay for sex is just wild to me.

Consent is only legitimate if there is NO external pressure, not social, not physical nor economic. Consent requires enthusiastic desire, payment is used to make up for a lack of desire. It's funny to me that people understand UN workers demanding sex for aid or cops demanding sex in exchange for nor charging someone is unequivocally rape but if you put "cash" in for the word "aid" it's suddenly fine? You cant BUY access to an equal, and you don't need to buy access to someone who actually wants you. Sex is not a right, if you can't make someone desire you and trust you enough to want to fuck you then just...don't have sex. I have been celibate for years long stretches and I was perfectly happy (even though my libido is crazy high).

This is ignorant and immature. Consent does not require enthusiastic desire... love doesn't even require that. The reasons two people have sex can vary drastically, sometimes it's boredom, or to bear children, not simply desire.

Boredom is still motivated by a desire for sex and that person. Sex where the woman submits to please the other person or for procreation is a carryover of patriarchy and perpetuates unethical attitudes about sex. Women (and all people) should only have sex they want enthusiastically, even if their intent is to make a baby or just entertain themselves...

Wow, your detached. Your telling women how to have sex... and that not being enthusiastic about it means their wrong? Sex while bored has doesn't require enthusiasm, it's just something to do, sometimes it's just to go through the motions to be busy. Doesn't mean consent wasn't given. I have literally been the target of bored sex on many occasions and I didn't initiate. Just consenting doesn't equate enthusiasm in any way. He'll, I've had reluctant sex, I just didn't have a reason not to. I still consented, and had zero enthusiasm.

Your veiw is very patriarchal. I'm saying no one NO ONE should have sex they dont want. Being dissociated from the pleasure of the act is how we end up with women getting raped. Consent must be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific. Just submitting isn't actually consent.

That's even worse, your still dictating what others should be doing based on your ideology. Your judging everyone that is other. Not even for doing actual horrible things, like coerce or rape. It's so gross that you can't see this... You can consent and dissassociate, see trophy wives. And don't seriously sit there and tell me there arent women who WANT that relationship, but don't even love them. It's for their money. And women can totally want that independent of the influence of the patriarchy. I'm not even judging!!! Im not saying its healthy, but its not wrong. Run your race! Love your way. I dont know why you think it's so WRONG of people to not be enthusiastic about sex, and how that has fuck all to do with giving consent. It's a gross unfair judgment.

It's not an ideology to want women not to have sex they dont want. That's all. If women (or men) decide to get into relationships for money and security I may find it distasteful but it's not unethical as long as everyone is honest. But rape culture needs to die, we need to destroy it, we can't do that if men still find sex with ambivalent women acceptable

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Absolutely not ..Men like that are RUINED and have a totally different concept of women love and and Sex. (That is if you're expecting to be in love. ..) a Fling ? Well I would check for germs first. .Arrive with Lab tests 😏😁 (24 child comments)

This is gross. More providers require safe sex practices than people just hooking up. Sex workers aren't dirty and diseased. 😑

There's no such thing as truely safe sex for women. Crabs and Herpes can be contracted even with condom use. I myself have religiously used condoms and still got HPV, all it takes is one broken condom and HPV can be dormant and undetectable for years. I have been tested yearly since I was 16 and was vaccinated and still had to have a colposcopy and LEEP procedure, men aren't even trsted for HPV... Also, any sex practice where fluids are exchanged or go onto a womans body is inherently unsafe, standard practice for bodily fluids is gloves, gown, mask and goggles, and most places can't even fully enforce condoms because of male demands and financial incentives to engage in unsafe practices (because of male demand)

Don't disagree. But that's a "someone had sex" thing not a "someone paid for sex" thing. Now if this were a "would you guys date a non-virgin guy?" thread, I'd have said the same as you

Yeah. All sex is a risk so my point is why assume risk for someone you don't even desire? Like you might as well only have sex you really want, that's worth the risk with a trusted person who has been tested and cares about your consent

True. And sometimes that's a client. But also I spent time getting physio and had to take the whole day off from my day job. Because despite my very ergonomic setup and attentiveness to stretching, my desk job has now come with it's own painful injury. From sitting. Like sex, work is not perfectly "safe" and harms the body. We all go to work and we do it to get paid. Sometimes that work is sex. Like any other job. And personally, I've never yet had to go to the physio for sex work injuries. Bills and capitalism is injurious, not sex work.

Sex isn't like other forms of activity. Carpal tunnel isn't equivalent to rape. Non consentual work is awful, non consentual sex is rape...they aren't the same, at all. And a crick in your back isn't really the same as a torn asshole or a stroke from being "consentually" choked out in sex. Women in prostitution have more PSTD than soldiers in war zones, that's not exactly like an office job. .

Personally, no. (70 child comments)

Yeah, absolutely wouldn't date someone who thought of women as objects to satisfy his sexual urges. No man who respects women would ever do that.

So do you not support legal sex work? For example Germany has a very well regulated industry, and even some places such as Thailand have places where STD testing, fair wages, and non-slave-worker are the standard. Part of supporting women in this business is acknowledging that some men/women will be partaking in this.

The vast majority of German sex workers are either doing it for drugs or because they were brought in from other countries and are being forced into it. Just because it's legal and regulated doesn't mean it's good.

Sources? I can smell the BS a mile away.

https://www.destatis.de/EN/Press/2022/07/PE22_277_228.html Just look at this. Plus it is a well known fact that most prostitutes are not doing it out of the sheer joy for it

This has nothing to do with anyone on drugs just the number of legally registered sex workers in a country.

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As a woman who was in the sex industry on and off for two years, hell motherfucking no. (90 child comments)

[deleted]

Surely you can appreciate the irony of this

You can’t buy consent. The sex worker doesn’t want to sleep with you. She is forced to have sex against her will or she can’t pay rent, eat, live, etc. All sex without consent is rape. You are basically saying “you were raped and don’t want to date a rapist? How ironic”. Like get a grip on reality

Wouldn't that depend a little on the context? For example in countries with plenty of employment opportunities and a developed welfare state there becomes a point where its more of a choice than coerced. Otherwise wouldn't all jobs be inherently slavery?

No girl ever would want to be touched by a guy she doesn't want to be with. The ppl who fall in that line of work are usually those who need money or dealing with trauma/abuse/manipulation. And I can only imagine the mental, emotional and physical anguish of having someone use your body repeatedly. It's disgusting how some guys see throwing a couple of 20s their way justifies the treatment they get.

I'm in the aerial dance community, which includes pole and thus a lot of sex workers as instructors/classmates. I feel being around sex workers casually has opened my mind a lot, so I appreciate seeing this reply as I wasn't sure of my opinion. I guess it's a good reminder that sex workers are mostly wonderful people (every group has exceptions), but this is more about the people who seek sex-work out.

I will always support sex workers and advocate for their rights. They are amongst the society’s most vulnerable. The people paying for sex however? Despicable people who can rot in hell.

Making a group's customer base into criminals/outcasts is discriminating against that group.

It really isn’t? Like if I refuse to buy things made by child labor that doesn’t mean I’m discriminating against children. And I can absolutely advocate for the rights of children exposed to child labor and villainize the people using child labor at the same time.

It means you're discriminating against children who work to survive. And taking away their ability to survive. You might think starving children is an acceptable price to pay to remove child labor from the world though.

Are you actually on crack?[...]Like do you actually think contributing to the exploitation of a vulnerable group helps liberating them?

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For me it would depend on context. I would have a very different view of, say, passport bro sex tourism, vs someone who was going to a specific fetish provider like a dominatrix or something similar. (82 child comments)

To each their own but both of those scenarios are horrifying to me, the first indicates a very objectified idea of women's bodies, the second indicates a relationship with intimacy, sex (and likely porn) that is opposite to my worldview (paraphillias are almost never singular and men who engage in them are often porn users, both absolute deal breakers for me as a radical feminist). But far be it from me to shame a woman willing to take that on, a lot of women don't believe in female pleasure focused sex or believe in transactional sex, so they would have no issues with any of it.

There are plenty of women who happily and healthily engage in a wide range of safe consensual kink, both with men and with other women. Your use of the word paraphilia is a little peculiar. You seem to be equating participating in consensual kink with a psychological disorder. I hope you are aware that they are not the same thing.

Mfing 60s backwards ass mindset. Next she's gonna ironically call anyone with a kink a degenerate or deviant, and not in the funny meme way.

Way to invalidate a perspective different from yours

Cuz it's backwards ass bullshit. Sorry not sorry.

It just seems off to pretend kink culture isn't built on a misogyny foundation

"There are ethical ways to pay for sex" Um, how? Do you think it's ethical if the woman is dong to because she has to provide for her family? or make rent? or has a drug addiction issues they need to support. The amount of women who do this work "for fun" is MINISCULE. There's always a reason - money. How is that ethical? The only reason she's sleeping with men is because she needs to to survive. that's not a choice.

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No. I think having payed sex shows a mindset about sex and women's bodies that I'm not compatible with. (29 child comments)

Do you think the same applies to men who don’t want to date sex workers?

No, on the condition that the worker keeps their personal and professional lifes apart.
Men buy sex for pleasure. Women sell sex for money. They are not symmetrical.
You can be a bartender at a pub who doesn't enjoy alchohol. But the costumers who pay for drinks do enjoy them.
Sometimes sex workers have a hard time keeping things apart and might bring some attitudes related to the trade into their personal lifes. In this case I think it's perfectly justifiable to be off put.
In reality the attitude towards sex is seldom what deters men from dating SW. It has more to do with notions of sexual exclusivity. Some workers practice non-monogamy for this reason, since non-mono men are likelier to have less of an issue with this.

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No. He thinks of women as products (28 child comments)

and she thinks of men as customers

You aren’t dating the sex worker though. Someone that views sex as transactional and will stick their dick in anyone is too impulsive and of low morals. This is not someone I would date and I definitely could not build a life with someone like this and that’s no matter if they pay or don’t pay.

and what of a woman who sells her body for money? Are they of low morals too?

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I'm starting to think sex work abolition might not be a patriarchal problem... (49 child comments)

I'm finding kinda baffling how women should be able to be sex workers without shame but if someone is a costumer apparently they are considered less by the same persons...?

I don’t consider them less than. I just don’t want to date them. I also didn’t date single parents or people without a job. They are perfectly good people and I respect them but would not choose to date them. Waste of everyone’s time.

Having a preference isn't a problem. My comment was referring to the general dehumanisation I'm finding in the average comment of this thread, and the judgemental tone reserved to only the male part of the deal

You can't buy consent.

For real. These comments are so shallow, dehumanizing, and insecure.

Women thinking men and women who engage in transactional agreements in adult health regulated environments are gross and disgusting, untouchables vs hooking up with strangers at college/ bars/ god knows where lol … interesting read nether-less

You can't buy consent. The notion is fucked up. Use critical thinking.

And sex workers sell services and their consent can be revoked at any time. Just like your consent to the conditions of your job. Or your sexual encounters. Weird how that one works.

I come from a place where I bet you 95% of sex work, playing very safe, is non consensual, coerced, due to extreme necessity or fucked up views on their sexuality due to family abuse. And because of this, a lot of their customers (who are aware of this issue) are not precisely “clean” in their perspective of women.
Now to the point. The 5% sex worker who are there for likeness to their job is not risking any morals. BUT the man who hires is risking the service comes from slavery/abuse. The fact that he agrees with just minonon-research speaks volumes of the man, not of the few legal sex workers.

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As long as they’re safe, consensual (and please don’t give me any “SWers sell consent” BS; I’m friends with enough SWers to know that language only harms them), and treat them well, sure. I’d be concerned if they speaks in a derogatory way about the SWers they hired or about SW/SWers generally. But if they’re on the level, fine. [...] Edit— The comments here have been truly disappointing. Criminalizing clients will criminalize SWers. If you want to advocate for SWers and help them translation out of SW (cause y’all hate SW so much), advocate for fair access to banking (many lose access to banking due to the same morality clauses that denied unmarried women accounts), social media (so many SW can’t have accounts!), and decriminalization/de-stigmatization across the board. You could literally contact your legislators instead of getting mad about it on Reddit. (39 child comments)

I don’t want him to treat sex with me as a commodity to be bought no matter how positively he viewed his experience.

Is he offering you money or another form of payment? If not, how is it inherently different from paying a masseuse for specialty services when you could give him a back rub to further your intimacy and bonding. This attitude is placing sex on some sort of arbitrary pedestal as if it’s either overly sacred (in which case, hope you’ve never had a random hookup) or dirty (which I hope isn’t your take).

I don’t want him to think buying me something like a purse is going to make me want to have sex with me. I’m personally not interested in hookups so nothing is hypocritical about what I’m saying.

But you wouldn’t devalue someone for having a one night stand. You would devalue someone (or assume bad things about them) for paying a sex worker who… knows what they’re doing.

I just don’t like adding the exchange of money to something that should only be about desire in my opinion. One night stands are inherently about mutual desire which isn’t guaranteed with a sex worker who’s doing so for money.

Massaging someone is NOT on the same level as having sex. What the actual fuck. That's a disgusting comparison. Not even close.

Again, arbitrary and culturally conditioned on the idea that sex is somehow sacred beyond any other bodily activity. The only reason you see it as different is patriarchy placing value on women not having sex.

The few women out there who do sex work by true and free choice: more power to you. They are a minority, a very small one. Most sex work is forced, usually by a man, onto a woman, with varioua means. Most of the time it won't be "shackle you to tje bed" kind of foced. But there are many ways to traffick someone without doing that. Any discussion about sex work has to account for this fact. Sex work is not like any other jobs because the vast majority of it is forced. Secondly, sex is more intimate and personal than a massage. That's a pretty universal social rule of our world. It might be a socially determined rule (tho i really would not call it arbitrary) but SWs live in the same society you and I live in. They have not fallen from another dimension where having sex for money is the same as laying bricks for money. They are likely to be affected from it in a similar way than other women. So that makes their exploitation (for the 80% that is exploited) even worse.

So I hope you're super against casual sex too! Insert under capitalism aren't all jobs exploitative?

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Just an old story I wrote a while ago. I went exploring for good subreddits to post this in, and I found this one. I don't know if it will exactly fit, since it's a psychological horror story at its core and there's no big bad monster, but I've been told it's chilling all the same ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
If you like this, I might write more horror stuff. I also write non-horror stuff if you're interested. Anyway, enjoy reading my garbage.
The following brain scan was provided by the Terran Institute of Pet Assimilation (TIPA) and the Protectorate Xenopet Acquisition and Integration Corporation (PXAIC) and may only be viewed by qualified and permitted individuals for educational purposes of the study of Xenopet neural interface errors and how to prevent them in the future, as well as expediting the domestication of Xenopets suffering from false sapience. Violating such procedure is a Class C offense by the Protectorate Department of Xenopet Betterment, and can lead to twenty years of imprisonment and a fine of over a hundred thousand credits.
Booting up memory scan: Rocky
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning neural catalog presentation…
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My head was spinning, and my skull thumped in pain like an entire herd of freshly captured slaves recently made pet friends were panicking celebrating within. Everything was blurry, so blurry, and I just wanted to close my eyes again and waste away. Sensations assaulted me from all angles, some of them good and some of them bad: the warmth of sun-bleached wooden planks in my feathery hide, the smell of different roasting meats, the splashing of individuals in a small body of water very close by, the smell of the salty air, and the oppressive white brightness of the daylight passing through my closed eyelids. I had a migraine from my sudden consciousness and perception of the light, causing me to clutch my snout and face with my clawed hands with a guttural moan.
My backside hurt as well, in my… area. I didn't know why, but something was horribly wrong everything was fine. I tried to recall who I was and what was going on, but I couldn't even remember my name. Every time I tried, right when I grasped onto a sliver of something, it was as if it was torn from my grasp and replaced with something else knowingly like I was being watched and corrected but within the depths of my own mind.
I needed to remember my name. What was my name? Wasn't it Yuutek Rocky? I couldn't remember exactly, but Yuutek Rocky was the only name I could recall. It felt… wrong, right, like something was missing, but I couldn't put my claw on what. everything was fine, and I shouldn't think about it too much. I could feel things that should have been important, things that my conscious had perceived but a moment ago, slip away from me like I was clenching sand within my claws.
##Relax. Let go of your burden##
I inhaled sharply as a strange, warm feeling overtook the back of my skull and my muscles became loose and relaxed. Something also felt… out of place, like I needed something but I didn't know what. Everything felt so strange. My head spun, but I was too weak to do anything about it. I felt sick in the same way one would feel when they consumed too much caffeine.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my head. "Dad, I think he's awake!" I heard a young, shrill voice say, hurting my ears. The touch of the hand made my skin tingle and the spinning of my head recede as if it grounded me. It felt nice, as if this was wrong, something was horribly wrong what normalcy felt like. The hand then began to rub up and down my head and across the ridges along my head, causing me to release a chuff of delight against my will, something I hadn't done since I was merely a hatchling.
"It sounds like he likes it, David; keep going, and make sure to scratch his chin, they're sensitive there."
The human spawn, David, did what the other human said and began to scratch under my chin. It felt really good, and I stretched out instinctively. David was thorough and gentle, making sure he scratched every part of me that seemed itchy, and I felt the same warmth in my head from before, but it felt… nicer than before like it was trying to manipulate encouraging me to relax.
##You will learn to love this##
I inhaled sharply again, but this time it was almost refreshing, and everything was right in the world. The human's hands felt so good, and the warmth from before spread through my body, melting the knots in my muscles and causing me to close my eyes in comfort. The boy lifted my head up and placed it in his lap before continuing to pet me, my eyelids heavy and my leg lightly kicking.
##Let them continue. You love this##
Oh, that felt nice… what was I thinking about before? The pain on my backside? My legs didn't work too well, and although I could move them gently, my muscles seemed to be fighting against me. What did they do?
##Do not think##
Everything was cold and harsh again, and my thoughts scrambled and my head throbbed. I needed to focus on grounding myself. I couldn't let go, I couldn't let them take my mind from me.
##Do not think. You are a good boy.##
I… I was a good boy? I… I can't… I… no…
##Good boy.##
I was a good boy… good boys don't think hard… I don't…
##Good boy##
I was a good boy… I was a good boy…
I was… I was… a good… boy…
I'm scared.
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Who was I again?
##You are Rocky##
I hissed under my breath as I felt that bad feeling creep up on me again. I didn't like the bad feeling. I was not Rocky! I was Yuutek! Rocky.
My thoughts became jumbled again in a whirlpool of nausea and confusion.
Where was I?
##You are home.##
It was bright out, and nice and warm as well. The sun was soaking my feather-cloaked skin and my side felt good against the warm back porch. I heard splashing and laughing in the distance, and the soft clinking of glass against glass. I could smell the salinity in the air, and the air was dense and humid but in a good way.
I had lost all sense of time. Everything had been a blur since I had been taken from that horrid facility, the wretched prison they called the Xenopet-Megaplex. There, I was in a padded cell with a few insulting amenities for most of the day, except for the three periods a day where they let us out into a small gated courtyard for an hour or so to 'socialize' as they had so condescendingly put it. There, the worst part was the boredom and the mind-bending lack of individuality: I had lost my ability to speak, stand on two legs, and even eat normally. I was treated like cattle, but the smiles and cloying gestures hinted that something even more sinister was going on, like I was a lesser beast to be kept for their amusement.
Now I had traded that particular prison for another, far worse one: I was at the mercy of a gross violation of my sense of self. Something horrible was growing in my mind, both in the physical and metaphysical sense, and I could feel it working its way through my consciousness like the parasite it was. It silenced me, it stole from me, it gaslit me, and it made me question the very nature of my own individuality and personality: was I who I thought I was? Everything was so elusive and hard to acknowledge that nothing seemed real between these bouts of semi-consciousness.
##Don't think, just rest.##
In an instant, everything changed. My head became… fuzzy like a thousand voices were whispering to me all at once, but from all directions and inside my head. I didn't hear it, per se, but I felt the presence, the oppressive feeling of pure unfocused nonsense. I felt my temporary bout of concentration and resolve become jumbled up into a mess of sporadic confusion. Whatever I was just thinking of was gone.
##Don't think: Just relax. Let go of your burden.##
Every part of me became relaxed and limp, my muscles unwinding from their tension and stress. I couldn't resist the feeling, and I stretched out subconsciously with a yawn, my body twitching from the stimuli. I was even sleepier than before, my head spinning once again and my eyelids heavy.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my snout and forced the eye that was facing upwards to open sluggishly. If I had to guess, it was an older human with cinnomon-colored skin, short-cropped brown hair, a gruff, wrinkled face, and chocolate brown eyes. He patted my side gently and gave me a soft rub, the feeling of his rough hands causing my chest to rumble with a satisfied chuff. I hated loved that it felt good, but I hated loved it even more that I couldn't bring myself to resist I felt content. I needed to escape relax, and I needed to find my way home appreciate my new life.
##You are already home##
No, I couldn't will not obey
This isn't is my home, my home is [Redacted] here.
No! Yes, I won't will obey!
YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME!
##Do not resist. Resistance is wrong. Good boys do not resist##
Suddenly, I felt an intense pressure in my skull, but I didn't know where it came from. I became dizzy, and my eyes twitched, a rapidly growing pain intensely forming in my forehead, causing me to wince and clutch my snout in my claws. I couldn't concentrate, and I felt the horrible sensation of an invasive presence in my mind once again working its way through the folds of my brain, strangling my chain of thought. Bile grew in my throat and I felt the sour, stinging sensation of a building retch in my cheeks.
I scrambled onto all fours and vomited onto the deck, my hackles and feathers rising as I heaved. The older human from earlier rose from a sleek chair on the deck, his hat on the glass sun table next to him and his eyes widened in shock. He rushed over to me, and I hissed at him instinctively. I wouldn't let him touch me again. I wouldn't let them control me.
##Do not attack owner##
In an instant, my world transformed into absolute pain. I felt as if my brain was being deep fried in a vat of boiling grease, and my eyes were being squeezed in vices. I kept heaving, my stomach doing loops and somersaults around all my other organs, and my heart fluttering like a flock of startled birds. It was weightlessness. I could see the man approach me and push me back down on my side, muttering under his breath.
"Carol! Get Xenopet emergency services on the phone, Rocky's having another implant attack!"
I heard another muffled voice in the background, as well as the sound of the human spawns crying in the pool. For some reason, I felt bad: I'd never felt bad for humans before, but I could feel the guilt in my chest. Had I failed my owners?
##Breath. Calm. Let Go##
I felt like I was wrestling with my own mind. I wanted to believe that I was not someone's pet, but my body screamed otherwise: amidst the chaos caused by the wretched implant, I felt the painful sensation of guilt and regret bloom in my chest as I twitched and shuddered on the deck, my mouth frothing. The world was spinning, and suddenly everything erupted into a kaleidoscope of colors.
Oh, by the forbidden one, look at all the pretty colors! I was completely delusional at this point, cackling as I lost it all. If I was going to die here, I'd die happy and completely mad.
Soon, everything began to fade away, and I slipped into an unconscious state.
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I woke up to the sound of medical equipment beeping and whirring, the sound of a few hushed human voices, and soft music.
I opened my eyes: the room was dark. I didn't feel anywhere near as bad as before, but my head still throbbed. I lifted up my head with a groan and examined the room: it was a dark hospital room, with a window covered in blinds that let very little sunlight in, a few chairs, and of course the hospital bed itself. Mountains of advanced medical equipment were set up on either side of my bed, and a heartbeat monitor beeped slowly, although the speed was growing.
Suddenly, I heard the voices again, and this time they were legible.
"Hush, he's awake: we need to make sure he's ready."
Huh? Ready for what?
Something that irked me was I felt strangely… free. I didn't feel the oppressive force of the implant in the back of my skull anymore, how it attempted to crush my will with every waking moment. I still couldn't speak: all that came out were animalistic noises, but I was free from the invasion of my mind for now.
"Give him some peace, Emilia, he just woke up from an implant attack; you know how traumatic they can be."
"We have to begin soon; my dissertation for this new technique is due in less than a week, and by law I need at least one more successful example for it to be deemed acceptable! Besides, he needs to go home soon anyway."
My heart sank. I would not go back to that place. I wouldn't let those people keep me like some kind of pet: I was a Russu; a member of a proud warrior race! I would not be reduced to some animal for the amusement of these humans!
Suddenly, I heard footsteps, and I tensed. The door creaked open and I spotted a younger human, a male I had never met before, in a lab outfit with his shoes, pants, shirt, and overcoat all bleached white and almost glistening. He eyed me warily, as he should, before he sauntered in, a tablet clipped at his side and a strange plastic container in both hands. I growled at him threateningly, extending my talons and raising my feathered hackles. The human paused for a microsecond before continuing forward, caution in his eyes, and right before he was within swiping range he opened the container and the most wonderful smell assaulted my nostrils.
Meat.
I was starving. I don't remember the last time I had eaten anything in particular: the implant had a terrible habit of causing me to go about my day in a hazy blur: entire lengths of time just… gone, whitewashed like a sheet of freshly decorated paper dunked in cold water. I knew something was there, or at least that something should have been there, but I mostly spent the days or weeks that I had been captured bobbing like an ocean buoy in a state of frustratingly bleary semi-consciousness.
But I'm awake now and mostly in control. Sure, some things were still missing everything was clear now, like my name: What was my name again? My name was Rocky. And now I knew that I needed to eat something, and if putting up with this human for now meant that I could fill my stomach, then I suppose that it was an acceptable sacrifice.
I salivated expectantly as the human lifted out a large piece of meat with his gloved hand, eyeing me humorously as he wiggled it. It was dark on the outside, but still dripping with blood and juices: humans had this weird habit of cooking their meats, and although it didn't taste bad at all cooked, nothing beat the feeling and flavor of tearing into raw flesh, the blood and the texture still fresh. At least this meat only seemed to be raw and not fully cooked.
I snapped up the piece of meat just as he lowered it enough for me to reach it. It was divine! It burst with flavor just as I bit into it, the juices spilling into my mouth. I quickly tore it apart with my strong jaws before snapping up another big piece with a beak-like protrusion at the tip of my snout. All the while, the human gently ran his fingers through my tightly-knit feathers and along my knobby, scaly hide. I made my annoyance with his touch clear, but he merely chuckled as if I wasn't an apex predator larger than him but rather simply a feisty hatchling.
"I know, I know, just relax. I need to perform a quick test to see if you're healthy before we continue."
Continue? Continue with what?
Just as the second piece of meat slid down my gullet, I eyed him with hostility and growled, but he quickly slipped something between the scales and feathers on my side and plunged it into my skin. Suddenly, I went rigid, and all the air was expelled from my lungs in an instant with a hoarse wheeze. The human merely chuckled and scratched under my chin as if nothing was wrong and my face wasn't frozen in horror.
"Good, that'll keep you occupied for a few seconds while I just slip this on…" he placed a breathing mask over my face and strapped it on before flicking a switch on a machine next to my bed. Then he released the plunger of the strange device on my side and I suddenly inhaled deeply and deflated like a balloon. I hissed under my breath, but suddenly panic filled my chest: I wasn't breathing just air. A cloyingly sweet-smelling gas coated the inside of my lungs, causing me to become dizzy. Suddenly, I was fully at their mercy again, blinking rapidly and my head spinning.
"Sorry about that, big guy, but we need to make sure you're passive before we begin the procedure." He said, almost apologetically, although there was a hint of mirth still detectable. "Sadly, you have to remain awake for some of it or I'd simply feed you more and then put you to sleep, but there are some benefits to this inhalant."
As if he summoned it with his words alone, my scales suddenly felt very… tingly. The human ran his hands across the scales at my side and I shivered from the feeling, like pain but better. Everything felt so warm and strange like I was floating on water, but also like I was being gently prodded by blades. Then, with panic rising in my chest, I suddenly felt a soft click as something was plugged into the neural port at the back of my skull that the humans had installed into my head when they had first captured me and placed me in that wretched facility some time ago.
"There you go, all prepped for the Doctor. She'll be here to begin the procedure in a bit." He said, "For now just relax and let the inhalants work their magic."
I whined quietly, and he rubbed the side of my head in an attempt to calm me which only made me more angry. I wasn't someone's pet! I wouldn't be treated like this!
I didn't want to go back to where I was before! I didn't want to become that sluggish, broken puppet again! I couldn't!
I tried to get up, to will my muscles to move, but I couldn't: my body refused to respond, as if I was paralyzed. But that wasn't right: I still could feel everything, especially the strange, mind-bending sensations the inhalants gave me.
##Initializing beginning phases of Neural Alteration Preparation##
Something else is wrong, I can feel it
##Assessing if the neural state is nominal for Alterations##
I can't let this happen, they're going to do something to me! I won't let them!
But nothing happened. I was at their mercy. It was over for good this time.
All those battles, all those tragedies and triumphs amongst my kin, only for me to be reduced to this? The plaything for a human?
##Query: is [Dr. Kalenghari] present to begin Neural Alterations?##
The door across the room opened again, and a human woman with light brown skin, chocolate brown eyes and long locks of black hair stepped in. She was holding a digi-pad in her hands and swiping up as if she was reading into something before she set it down on the counter across the room and gave me a warm, condescending smile.
"Well, how are we doing today, Rocky? I know, this predicament you have found yourself in must be very stressful, but I assure you that it's for your own good," She said, almost cheerfully, which sent shivers down my spine, "we're here to lift your burden, and we won't stop until you're capable of living the life of a happy, healthy, and well-behaved pet."
I whined under the mask, and the woman rubbed the feathered crest on my forehead. "I know, it hurts, but it'll be all over soon. It'll be like you, or at least this version of you, never existed. Just relax and close your eyes while we root around your brain and remove all those bad thoughts and silly delusions: I assure you, you won't feel a thing, and you'll feel much better afterward."
My heart raced and I began to panic internally, watching in horror as the woman stepped over to the medical console and tapped away for a few seconds before the machinery around me began to whir to life.
##Identification accepted: booting neurochemical firmware. Preparing for selective memory erasure.##
In an instant, my eyes involuntarily rolled back into my head as I felt the intrusive sensation of my mind being violated. It wasn't painful, but it was horrible all the same: it felt like a thousand black, slimy leeches were slithering through every crevice of my brain, leaving behind their cold, corruptive filth. The cold sensation seeped further into my brain, behind my eyes, and in my ears, enveloping every bit of it until there was nothing left.
##Relevant memories extracted for tailoring. Beginning total memory erasure.##
Suddenly, things just began to slip away: important memories, like the faces of my parents, the day of my initiation into the Corsair Collective, the face of my life mate, the birth of our hatchlings. I hoped that wherever they were, they were okay: if they never had to face the fate I would face, then maybe there would be some justice in this cruel, twisted galaxy. Maybe they could take the fight to humanity, remind them that they once had been the heroes of the cosmos, fighting against the cruelty of my people and the Triarchy at large. Maybe my hatchlings could live normal lives.
##Memory erasure process at 47%##
A single tear rolled down my scaly cheek as everything I once knew, everything that made me was torn from my mind and rendered null. Every second saw a million memories massacred, leaving the memories the implant had attempted to supplant my old memories with: Me playing fetch with my 'owners', chasing birds on the beach with my 'owner's' grandchildren, swimming in the pool in their backyard as steaks and bratwurst cooked on the grill, relaxing on the back porch and listening to the rasping calls of the katydids during humid summer evenings by the swamps. My psyche was being mutilated piece by piece, reduced to that of an animal, a pet.
##Memory erasure process at 64%##
Soon I had a hard time telling who I was anymore. I couldn't tell what was real or what wasn't, or what I actually felt. I couldn't even remember my own name anymore. Who was I? Why was I here? What was happening to me? I'm so scared, someone help me, please!
##Memory erasure process at 83%##
There was nothing left. I felt nothing. I knew nothing. I was floating in a void, with little flashes of light depicting events I didn't recognize. There were people I felt like I was supposed to know, but I didn't know them. A human woman with bright blue eyes and blonde hair. Two Russu hatchlings that looked a bit like me. A Russu female… my chest hurt for a moment but the feeling quickly subsided. I didn't know any of them.
##Memory erasure process completed. Implanting tailored memories and personality. Happy birthday, [Rocky]: you have been unburdened and reborn.##
In an instant, the confusion of who I was before was replaced with absolute certainty: I knew who I was now, who I always was:
I was Rocky, and I was a good boy. I belonged to Mr. And Mrs. Chen. I was their Russu hound. I loved them: they took care of me and let me play with their grandchildren. I swam in the pool and played outside every day. Life was good. Today was my birthday! That meant it would be a happy day! Mrs. Chen would always come home with a whole duck for me to eat and then take me to the Xenopet Comex for a bath and a spa day, just like my last birthday, and the birthday before that, and the birthday before that! It was a good life. I was happy. I was always happy. Good boys were always happy.
I was Rocky, and I was a good boy: that's all that mattered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To Miguel O'Hara, Chief Medical Representative of the Protectorate Xenopet Acquisition and Integration Corporation, with the best of intentions.
The over-reliance on neural suppressant firmware programs along with thought scrubbing/replacement firmware programs and countermeasures towards higher thought and tainted thoughts with a relatively active hormonal reward structure can be incredibly effective when placed into the brain of a more passive Xenopets. However, Xenopets that come from more… difficult backgrounds such as one in a militant setting tend to be much more resistant to being reprogrammed by just an implant alone. The Russu are an excellent example of more tainted Xenos that need neurological care of much higher intensity, a level of care that the average Xenopet-Megaplex is ill-equipped to handle due to the current level of technology.
I am a firm believer in the idea that thought correction, a hormonal behavioral reinforcement structure, and neural countermeasures can have a place in the proper unburdening process but we have been chasing the wrong solution for the past century: Many people are under the misconception that the burden these Xenos carry is surface level when in reality the corruption runs far deeper: it is like a weed, with deep roots. To kill the weed permanently, you must rip out the roots, and not just the surface plant. If you do not eliminate the source of the problem, it may just return and worse still the mind may adapt to the standard unburdening process, allowing the xenopets to fall victim to those degenerate zealots who seek to pretend xenopets possess even the capacity for true sentience. We as Terrans should be united in this cause of unburdening the galaxy, but I digress.
The implants should be there to reinforce good behavior and stigmatize bad behavior, not completely reprogram the pet. To fully stamp out any potential for a relapse, we must remove the core issue that has the most potential to cause problems: their memories. The Russu are an excellent example
We are in the advanced testing stages of a new method that may revolutionize how we process and integrate xenopets into our society. By removing or modifying any and all problematic memories, we can completely remove the risk of relapse and make it nearly impossible for those misguided degenerate rebels to bring to the surface problematic ideas and memories that could reawaken a sense of false sentience. It is the perfect, final solution to our overarching goal: for humanity to unburden the galaxy, one happy pet at a time.
We hope to secure more funding from PXAIC that will greatly assist us in the expansion of the possibilities that this breakthrough technique can provide, more than just using it on board-approved fringe cases. Think about the many Xenopets we can unburden, and how they'll live happy and ignorant lives with their human owners! This could be a game changer, Representative, and I implore you to bring it before the board with the best of intentions.
Best regards,
Dr. Emilia Kalenghari, Head Researcher of the Epsilon Eridani Institute's Behavioral Neurology and Neurochemistry Division (BNND).

I was coming out of a 2 year relationship that just wasn't a good fit for me so I ended it and wanted to move on with life but wasn't in a rush to find "the one" .. so one day I go into the bar with a buddy, where my mom was the kitchen manager. When I started coming in this beautiful woman who was super cool, would flirt, make comments to my mom about how she was going to marry me. She even would put Hubband on my bar tab as my name lol and I just kinda shrugged it off. She asked me to go out after a few months later. I told her no I was kinda dating other women and jokingly (but not really) just said you are too much for me. I tend to watch and observe people for awhile just so I can be sure they are who they say they are and to get a feel their character for red flags. I am a Scorpio lol what can I say. Truth be told I didn't hear good things about her from really anyone, especially my mom. Infact my mom told her to stay away from me and warned me about her. We became friends and she would always explain how everyone just didn't like her, misunderstood her, or was jealous of her. After I got to know her I was falling in love with her, like she was made for me, we had the same values and morals, likes and dislikes. After dating and being together for about a month or so her phone rang while we were in a movie with her daughter and was told her dad passed away from a massive heart attack. I felt so bad for her knowing the rough history with her dad ( just like my story. ) but the last few years were a lot better and became pretty close. I was there for her and held her for weeks when she was sobbing and did everything for her, including driving her places. At this point I knew she had bad anxiety for the last 10 years or so. Slowly her grief started to diminish a little bit and things were trending up, although her rage and arguments started mostly when she was drinking but I thought well its due to her loss and no matter what I will be there for her and do my best to support her although at times it was frustrating and hard to do. We decided to get married the following February, at this point I was head over heals for her and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. So from here her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Let me explain something. My wifes main support person her whole life, her best friend the person that not only could but would set her straight and tell it like it is. Her mother passed away on july 22nd extremely fast and really unexpected due to the good prognosis from the doctors thats what everyone had thought. So now it was back to ok .. get into protection mode and prepare to support my wife. To my surprise, my wife she wasn't as outwardly upset as when her dad passed away. Thats when I knew that this has undoubtedly crushed, devastated her soul. I am sure that's a vast understatement. Our relationship since then hasn't been the same. She will go into rages that are scary to be on the receiving end of. The name calling, being blamed for all her problems in life, telling me I am worthless, not her equal, that all her other relationships the men were better than me, attacking my manhood, any kind of insecurity I have told her about when trying to be vulnerable will get thrown in my face and used as ammo. Along with any and all arguments from 2 years ago, my past relationships mistakes that I have made, and how she is a prized possession and deserves everything she wants from a man, also that I don't love her as good as other men did and how boring I am because I dont like to sit in a bar get drunk everyday so I am a stick in the mud and dragging her life down and she can do better and be with somone who is going to make her happy. Really anything in her rage is fair game and it got to the point when this happens she is unreasonable, you can't calm her down it will make it worse. She has hit me, and spit a mouth full of chewed food in my face. The things being screamed in my face is disgusting. So I leave not willing to be treated that way and go stay with my cousin for a bit to let her cool off, me cool off and let cooler minds prevail and come back. This has now been the cycle for the last year. The day after Christmas this year it happened again and it was over her preception of something... I was cast away for a month. Come to find out she struck up a relationship with an ex and before I came back deleted text and is telling me half truths about it while blaming me for her indiscretion, saying it was my fault, and had began bashing me to anyone who will listen to her. We agreed to work it out because we love and want to be together and get help for the issues we are having, I made some major changes that she asked for and I followed through and delivered for her. She lost her insurance for a few months and couldn't get her colonopin for anxiety so she had been getting some from her sister to get her by, finally her insurance is back and she goes to her primary doctor to get another prescription and her doc asked if I test you will it be in your system? Whatever she said made her primary tell her she wasn't getting it and she thought my wife was at risk for suicide and she was abusing the meds. She was referred to a psychiatrist and diagnosed with BPD and PTSD due to childhood trauma. She spent the last month on different meds and the behavior issues started up again slowly. At this point I can tell when she is on the verge of a rage filled attack I just don't know when it's going to come. Well it did last Tuesday and it was worse yet, and of course she was drinking. I have researched BPD not knowing a lot and boy it don't look good. I love her and don't want to abandoned her. But it doesn't look good. I believe she also has traits of NPD. I want it to work but I can't keep on with someone who treats me like this. My self esteem is down, she accuses me of having a mental illness and when I explained how I feel she says I am always playing a victim. She makes me question reality and I feel I am going crazy. Just slamming me to everyone who will listen .. for no reason I just dont get it. Anytime she drinks I get filled with anxiety wondering is this the day for a rage filled blow out ? I can't have friends, or my family in my life. I do love my wife. Outside of the major blow ups we are great. When the rages happen I don't know who that person is. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here.

Hi there,
I'm a 27yo woman, I have long covid since March 2022. I got an ADHD diagnosis when I was around 15yo. Since the long covid, my ADHD has gotten much much worse, especially since a reinfection in December 2023. My brain is complete chaos since then. I can't take my usual dose of methylfenidate since it makes me too tachycardic since LC, so I'm now on the lowest dose. I'm struggling with how I'm supposed to deal with both long covid and ADHD at the same time, since the things that help my ADHD are bad for the LC and vice versa. I want to move, walk, work out to get my mind to be more quiet, but of course with the LC I'm limited to a 15 minute walk daily. To quiet my mind I usually listen to podcast a majority of the day, but it's overstimulating for the LC. Watching Netflix all day isn't ideal for the LC either. I'm dying inside from lack of stimulation for the ADHD, but at the same time I get overstimulated easily because of the LC. My occupational therapist wants me to reduce my screentime, but that makes dealing with the ADHD even worse. When I was still able to work I didn't have a high screentime at all, but now that I can't work it's one of the few things available to satisfy my ADHD brain.
Where are my fellow ADHD + LC people at? How do you guys deal with this combination from hell?

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Hampton Coliseum - Night 1 - Hampton, VA - 5-31-2024

Video Download - Uncut - Full twitch VOD with the pre-set and intermission.
Audio Download - Full Audio Cut - one large file, pre-set and intermission removed
Stream the Twitch VOD - Stream the VOD before it's uploaded to youtube

Setlist by PLF Setlisters

SET 1 New (All I Ever Wanted) [26:14] Omega Children [33:30] New (A Trip Through Time) [44:35] How We Do [58:55] Time To Build A Home [1:10:20] Chasing Rainbows [1:24:3] High School Art Class [1:32:15] SET 2 Understand Me Now [2:21:26] Color of My Soul [2:34:12] Shining Bright Despite.. [2:46:41] So Bright [2:50:54] Analog Lullaby [2:59:26] Sound of Silence [3:06:53] New (Free) [3:18:15] MITMJ > [3:26:08] FAFO v Work It Swirl [3:32:48] Encore Who Loves Me > [3:45:21] Rockstar > Mothership Connection[3:50:45] I Know the Truth [3:57:11] 

Samples by PLF Setlisters

John Williams - The Mothership [24:25] :: New (All I Ever Wanted) Aaliyah – Try Again [27:02] ID "Put Your Hands in the Air" [30:10] Timbaland & Magoo - Drop [???] ID "??" [29:33] Joe - Stutter [30:46] :: Omega Children Dr. Dre - The Next Episode [34:22] Supremes – No Matter What Sign [36:29] BIG - Let's Get It On [39:07] Culture Power45 - Ride [39:31] Clark Sisters - Brought Sunshine [???] :: New (A Trip Through Time) Scorpio Dance - First Movement [44:33] Willie Hobbs - You Don't Know [45:34] Rogér Fakhr – Trip Thru Time [46:08] Jay Electronica – Letter To Falon[46:57] Country Joe - Bass Strings [47:26} ID [48:38] Artifacts – Ingredients to Time. [50:13] PL - Around The Block (Talib Kweli)[50:17] :: How We Do ID "Now How Do You Like That" [59:31] ID "Mental Energy" [1:01:13] Chris Brown - Look At Me Now [1:02:20] David Bowie - Moonage Daydream [1:05:41] Sesame St - Someday Little Children[1:06:40] Maxfield - Fiesty Mallard [] [] :: Time To Build A Home Common - All Night Long [~1:12:xx] Guru – Lost Souls? [~1:13:22] Beastie Boys – Takes Time to Build [1:19:32] :: Chasing Rainbows [1:29:33] :: High School Art Class [1:35:50] Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart [] Axel F [] [1:43:27] :: Understand Me Now Chris De Burgh - Spaceman Traveling[2:21:26] Atmosphere - God's Bathroom Floor [2:22:53] Bee Cola [2:29:45] ID Got to Understand [2:30:10] ID Dont Let Me Be Misunderstood [2:31:48] :: Color of My Soul Common - The 6th Sense [2:35:22] ID "Baby" [2:37:40] [2:42:48] :: Shining Bright Despite the Plight Sesame St - Live on the Moon [2:43:41] ID Shining Baby (below samples) [2:45:58] Z-Ro – Still Shinin' [] :: So Bright The Kinks - Supersonic Rocket Ship [] :: Sound of Silence Travis Scott- Goosebumps [] Trick Daddy - Shut Up [3:10:56] DJ Shadow – Nobody Speak [3:13:08] :: New (Free) The Prodigy – Out of Space [3:18:40] J5 - Freedom [] BUMS - Elevation (Free My Mind) [] :: MITMJ ID "Yall ready for this" [3:26:33] Phil Gonzo - FAFO [] Missy Elliot - Work It [] Sean Paul- Gimme the Light [] Crystal Waters - Gypsy Woman [] :: Who Loves Me Brownstone - If You Love Me? [3:47:03] Rihanna – Disturbia [3:50:25] NERD - Rockstar [3:50:45] Parliament - Mothership Connection [3:52:58] Pink Floyd – Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2 :: I Know The Truth Rick Ross - Hustlin [4:02:20] Lil Wayne - A Milli [4:02:50] Ann Peebles - Can't Stand the Rain [4:03:17] 

1. Divide and Conquer - 4/5 (Slapper intro. Pretty good for a pilot episode, but it felt like they rushed into character drama a little too quickly. Like, I only JUST now met Robin and Cyborg for the first time, so this big breakup doesn't really hit as hard as I imagine it could had it been a later episode. The animation of this show is very fun and different from typical action cartoons, though. Stuff like the characters turning into chibis and going horrendeously off-model for gags is great stuff.)
2. Sisters - 3/5 (Immediately more character conflict and drama. I'd say this one works a little better, but again, I only really now just met Starfire, so there's not a hugely established friendship between her and the Titans enough yet. On the other hand, perhaps that's for this episode's benefit, as it's about her feeling replacable, which would not be very realistic after having been established as BFFs for several seasons. And I did think her and Robin's chat was really sweet, so whatever. Also, Blackfire is just a color swap of Starfire. Sunny Tennyson much?)
3. Final Exam - 4/5 (So this episode was the first to air, but is not the "real" pilot. Strangely enough, it would almost have worked better as a pilot, since it introduces the characters in their HQ immediately followed by showing how they work as a team. The H.I.V.E. aren't the most interesting villains but Gizmo was pretty amusing. What was with the lighting in the scene where they get out of the water though? Looked strange.)
4. Forces of Nature - 4/5 (Thunder's Sonic eyes is freaking me out. Please separate them... Anyway, decent episode, even if it's mostly just Thunder and Lightning wreaking havoc and getting moral lessons from Beast Boy.)
5. The Sum of His Parts - 5/5 (Fixit. Wow, clever name. Sarcasm aside, pretty great episode. It's interesting to see Cyborg's abilities explored, and the eerieniess of Fixit about to forcibly make him a full robot was highly engaging. Although while that IS the main story, the majority of this episode is spent with the other Titans fighting Mumbo Jumbo for some reason. Not that it's back, since I liked the zany wackiness of it. But it definitely didn't need take up that much time. Also, he briefly became a Canadian from South Park.)
6. Nevermore - 4/5 (Thunder and Lightning, Mumbo Jumbo, and now Doctor Light? So far this show has had really lame villains. Not that it's a huge detriment, because unlike other superhero cartoons, the focus in most episodes seem to be more on the inner workings of the Titans themselves as opposed to whatever villain they're facing, so I guess they just pick goofy ones to jumpstart the actual plots. Which in this episode was pretty amusing. Raven's a lot more mellow than her appearance would let on. I thought she would nearly murder Cyborg and Beast Boy for breaking into her room, but she was just slightly upset. Oh and, uh, what was up with intro being in Japanese?)
7. Switched - 4/5 (Just as I mentioned the villains being "lame" in the last episode, I thought Puppet King was pretty interesting. He's not like, compelling as a character or anything, but I found the puppet schtick fairly amusing to watch. As for the actual story, while "body swap" is not the most original idea for these kinds of shows, I still found it endearing how Raven and Starfire learned about one another. But the fact that they still keep their voices makes me go grrr.)
8. Deep Six - 3/5 (There's that Japanese intro again! Apparently it's used for episodes that are more comedic, while the English is for the "serious" ones. Guess I'll see if that assessment holds up under scrutiny. So this is mostly an underwater episode, which, while not a bad setting by default, feels pretty uninspired when it's nothing but blue backgrounds and rocks. Raven horning for Aqualad sure was a sight to behold, though. Felt a bit out of character.)
9. Masks - 4/5 (Wow, Red X was Robin? No way. It's not like they had the exact same voice or anything. Anyway, as good as this episode might be, it's really just some setup for Slade's schemes, which is really only vaguely hinted at whatever it is. As a result, I don't really have much to say. Starfire's lecture about Robin not trusting them was a bit "wha" though, because, yeah, if they knew Red X was Robin, they would've held back, and it would not be convincing.)
10. Mad Mod - 3/5 (Sheesh, this episode hurts my eyes. It's a funny one, though. And it has the Japanese intro, so I guess that fact about it was true. It's nothing but the Titans chasing some Brit for the entire episode. 20 minutes of pure zaniness. And Mad Mod was a pretty amusing gag villain. I also really liked the song "K2G" that played during that Scooby-Doo parody montage.)
11. Car Trouble - 3/5 (Gizmo drove away with Cyborg's car JUST as he arrived to confront the guys who initially stole it. He would have been right in the vicinity of it, how did he not notice it driving away? LOL. Also why do the two crooks calmly tiptoe around and vaguely say they "lost it" instead of just "some guy drove away with it right behind you like 10 seconds ago!".)
12/13. Apprentice - 5/5 (Slade merely wanting an apprentice is a bit of a confusing motivation. Like, for what purpose? Once he's fully molded Robin, what does he intend to do next? Take over the world? Not that it matters, since the conflict of Robin having to betray his friends to save their lives was thrilling enough. Although part 2 is obviously the better half, because the first is mostly just setup for that. Robin also makes a sick Batman reference, but can't directly mention him because of the Bat-embargo. LOL. Side note, the effect of the probes being the characters becoming...orange with a buncha circles wiggling around them was odd.)
14. How Long is Forever? - 5/5 (Robin just brooding in front of the speakers was funny. LOL. Anyway, the way time travel is handled here is confusing. I suppose it always is, but here it seems to function so that during the period Starfire was travelling 20 years, she simply did not exist during them. But she came back to the past in the end, meaning historically, she always returned. So instead of time travel looping around itself, I guess in this series when you travel, you're just gone. And if you return, the timeline you go back to will be a completely different one. That aside, it was neat to see the future Titans, although sheesh my guy Beast Boy aged horribly. And I find it hard to believe the entire city would become a dystopia like this, considering the Titans aren't the only heroes around.)
15. Every Dog Has His Day - 5/5 (Pretty solid for a zany comedy episode. Beast Boy becoming a dog to get bitches (pun intended) was funny. And the whole schtick of the Titans mistaking an actual green dog for him lent itself to a lot of good comedy. The reveal that that the dog is actually intelligent and can speak sort of "ruins" what made that aspect funny in the first place, but it doesn't affect the episode's quality or anything, so that's just a nitpick. Soto was pretty freaky though. Reminded me of Tiny from Ben 10.)
16. Terra - 4/5 (Yikes, Terra is scrawny. She's like a walking stick. I guess she has earth powers, although it's not really explored how or why. Though, at this point in the show, I've obviously learned that stuff is not something it prioritizes. Anyway, this episode is very good, but it's mostly just introduction to Terra and then a teaser that she is Slade's new apprentice victim. I'm interested for where that goes, but I don't have much else to say about this one specifically.)
17. Only Human - 4/5 (Not to go all Facts & Logic:tm:, but humans also have a limit to which they can use their muscles, so on a technical sense, Cyborg's conflict in this episode doesn't make much sense. Especially since he exceeds 100% by the end anyway, showing it was always possible. Not to diminish the story or anything, because I did find his conflict around it genuinely engaging. And the moment when he rises up to the challenge to actually beat Atlas is obviously very cathartic and rewarding. But also LOL that Atlas picked a beef with Cyborg over losing in a video game.)
18. Fear Itself - 4/5 (Here I spent the entire episode expecting the "obvious" reveal that everything scary that happened was a prank by the Titans to prove to Raven that she can be scared. Guess I was a little overconfident in that since it turns out she was just accidentally doing it herself.)
19. Date with Destiny - 4/5 (Hey, it's Spider-Man. I mean, Fang. That was a pretty freaky character design. Just a guy with a huge spider as his entire head. This episode felt like it ramped up the wacky animation to 11, particularly with nearly every motion Kitten makes. And that bit with Starfire's mouth falling into the punch stuck out, too. That aside, pretty cute episode. Starfire's jealousy is amusing.)
20. Transformation - 3/5 (Does the Titan Tower only have bathroom? That's ridiculous. It's huge! Anyway, not to complain about power inconsistency or whatever, but Starfire being able to instantly fly several hundred thousand kilometers away from Earth pretty much instantly, not to mention be able to breathe in space is a bit excessive. She's not Green Lantern... That aside, this was alright. It's neat to find out more about Tamaranians, but Starfire has already learned the "my friends will like me no matter what" lesson before.)
21. Titan Rising - 4/5 (Why is Raven so pissy at Terra? Like, I know she's moody and has a low temper, but raging at someone just trying their best? A bit out of character. That said, I still enjoyed the rivarly. I like Terra on the team. It's fun that they're expanding the roster.)
22. Winner Take All - 3/5 (Why does the Master of Games need people to lose a battle before he can absorb them and their powers? Why doesn't he just do it to all of them on the spot? I found it funny that Beast Boy lost the first round. When the episode began I was expecting some epic final battle between the three main characters. But nope, he just loses and is gone for the rest of the episode.)
23. Betrayal - 4/5 (That was a bit of a rushed betrayal. Terra is introduced in one episode, instantly leaves within the same one, makes a big comeback 4 episodes later, and betrays them in the very next while it's treated like some devastating loss to the team. Well, there is the game episode in between. But also she isn't even in that save for a silent cameo in one shot in the end, so that barely counts! That said I still liked the emotional beats of the story from Beast Boy's perspective and such, so I'm not hating on how this was done. I just think this could've meant more if she actually was a member of the Titans for the episodes leading up to this betrayal. On a lighter note, I liked Beast Boy's theatrical scenarios of how he should have asked her out.)
24. Fractured - 3/5 (So in-between the previous, serious, dramatic episode, and the upcoming 2-part finale which will obviously be about Terra, they felt they needed an episode about some annoying imp doing zany nonsense. Not that the show is a stranger to that stuff, but this wasn't nearly as charming as Mad Mod.)
25/26. Aftershock - 4/5 (Pretty standard "epic finale" fare, but obviously it's good because I liked this Terra arc, as rushed as it may have been. Her turning on Slade and even being the one who ends up killing him was pretty thrilling stuff. I didn't think they'd actually go that far, considering he's like the main villain of the series. But while that final battle between Beast Boy and Terra was pretty great due to the resonance and such it contains, I feel like the episode took up a lot of time having the Titans fight various miscellaneous characters leading up to it, that just wasn't as interesting. Side note, Raven and Terra just being colored completely brown to simulate being muddy stuck out to me. I don't know why. Mainly because most shows would draw wiggly lines to simulate the muddiness, not just one blank color.)
27. Deception - 4/5 (I know this show is episodic so stuff like this is bound to happen, but it is a bit eyerolling that characters seem to just learn the same lessons over and over. Like in this episode, Cyborg is beating himself up over being a cyborg, but by the end he accepts himself the way he is. A lesson he has learned in 2 episodes prior to this already. Not that I didn't think it was well done. His chat with Starfire was sweet, and the whole thing about him being undercover was entertaining too, so it's not much of an issue.)
28. X - 4/5 (So some guy steals Robin's Red X costume and takes up the mantle... But he also conveniently sounds exactly like Robin? Sure, because THAT makes sense. For the most part this episode is just baiting you into wanting to know who Red X is, but then NEVER answers it. Pretty rude. Nevertheless, it was still interesting. Also Professor Chang's design reminds me of Inspector 13 from Ben 10.)
29. Betrothed - 3/5 (Titans just casually flying to another planet like it's a mere road trip. OK. Is The Batman funding this or what? Also, that scene of Robin outside the spaceship made me LOL. Anyway it's interesting to see Tamaran thoroughly explored upon and such, but it's a bit absurd that every single person on the planet wears basically the exact same outfit.)
30. Crash - 4/5 (Cyborg's cybernetic features are confusing. Firstly, how could a digital virus affect his brain, which is clearly a biological component? Second, how and why are there red blood cells flowing in the "veins" of his mechanical parts? Nitpicking logic in a goofy joke episode aside, this was great stuff. I liked that they had to reluctantly get Gizmo to help, and Cyborg going nuts was just entertaining in its own right. I think the interior of his cybernetic parts were interestingly designed, and Beast Boy as an amoeba is just absurd but fun. Although it's inconsistent that he's able to talk while in that form, since he can't when he's any other animal.)
31. Haunted - 5/5 (This was pretty grim, but very thrilling. Given Slade was established as like the main villain of the show, even though it seemed obvious he was imaginary, I kept asking myself if he was actually real or not to come capacity, since I doubt the series would get rid of its main villain that easily. And well, they DID imply somebody else activated the hallucination chemical from the mask, so, like, yeah, he's clearly coming back. That said, if it was all in Robin's head, how did he get all those bruises and rips in his clothes? By punching the air? And why did Beast Boy have a cold in this episode? I guess they needed some comedic relief so it wouldn't be too grim for Cartoon Network.)
32. Spellbound - 4/5 ("Kardiak, you're under arrest". I get it. Because he is a heart. Pretty amusing. Anyway, yikes, Beast Boy sure was mean for NO reason. But the way they made up in the end with Raven even joining him and Cyborg's game of "stankball" was cute. As for Malchior, well, I thought he was a girl until he spoke.)
33. Revolution - 3/5 (Pretty much a rehash of the first Mad Mod episode. He has the Titans trapped in a maze of illusions and they chase him around and defeat him. Which I get is the whole gimmick since he's just a joke villain, so yeah. This was good, but not AS good. The pop-art backgrounds were pretty cool, and I liked how the British flag was the sky in the background the entire time. Plus, British Beast Boy was funny. The "message" about patriotism, democracy or whatever, felt a but muddled.)
34. Wavelength - 3/5 (I guess Brother Blood is growing to be Cyborg's arch nemesis or something. This was pretty average, so I barely got anything to say. Aqualad asks for help, so they take down Blood's underwater weapon and...Yeah. But I liked Bumblebee, and her fight scene with Cyborg had a lot of funny visuals. The bit where he shuts the door on her was amusing too.)
35. The Beast Within - 5/5 (This was great. You'd think it would be fairly predictable to tell a werewolf story with Beast Boy, but the execution really makes it work. Yeah, it's obvious he's acting strange because of the chemicals from the beginning. But his gradual shift from acting macho, to asshole, to picking a physical fight with Raven for NO reason was interesting because of how bizarrely out of character it is. Especially when his "beast" form took the Raven beef to the next level. But on top of that I especially enjoyed the twist that the Adonis guy from the beginning was a second werewolf, and the actual culprit. Robin seemed awfully quick to immediately lock Beast Boy away or straight up murder him though. For a guy who himself was blackmailed into being evil, you'd think he would be more considerate to other possibilities.)
36. Can I Keep Him? - 3/5 (This was alright. Pretty simple concept for a comedy episode is all. Beast Boy fosters a giant maggot and then it becomes bigger and dangerous. Kind of amusing how Starfire got more attached to it in like a day than Beast Boy did while hiding it for months. As a sode note, I liked the design of Rancids robot dog and dinosaur.)
37. Bunny Raven... or ...How to Make A Titananimal Disappear - 3/5 (Pretty good for a zany episode. The Titans as animals were amusing designs, and Beast Boy becoming a lamp instead was funny. Mumbo's song was catchy.)
38/39. Titans East - 4/5 (I like the concept of Titans East, although the only member I find particularly interesting is Bumblebee. I'm always fond of shrinking abilities for the potential practical uses that often go unacknowledged. She never really does anything with it besides shoot some lasers in the bad guys face, though. Speedy and Aqualad are kind of generic, and Más y Menos are just gag characters, so yeah. Cyborg's conflict here was pretty interesting, but the way he gets decapitated piece by piece was pretty brutal. But him sticking it to Brother Blood was pretty awesome, and I liked the sweet ending where he decides to stick with the Titans.)
40. Episode 257-494 - 3/5 (Steve Irwin gets mauled by a bear. Anyway, this episode is decent, but it's just an endless stream of references to other things, many of which I am not familiar with, so even as a comedy episode, a lot of the jokes don't work very well. That woman from the lame soap opera was still with Cyborg in the real world by the end because THAT makes sense. But it was funny.)
41. The Quest - 4/5 (Yeah, it was pretty obvious the old lady was the great master. Robin going through challenges was pretty entertaining though, but that snake one... He won by merely grabbing the snake? Sure, okay. The rest of the team dressing up as and pretending to be Robin was probably the best part, especially even Raven joining in.)
42. Birthmark - 4/5 (Welcome back, Slade. This was a very thrilling episode. Really just has you asking tons of questions. Like how is Slade back, why is he targeting Raven now, etc. But also, it was interesting how this potrays Robin and Raven as having a very close friendship. I mean I guess all the Titans are good friends, but these two haven't been explored as a duo at all, so it was interesting, if not a bit awkward.)
43. Cyborg the Barbarian - 4/5 (Silly concept, but I like it. Though given how time travel has been established in this show, Cyborg can't really do anything to affect the future, because everything he will do has already happened in the past. I like the design of the demon... Thingies)
44. Employee of the Month - 4/5 (I found it interesting how this acknowledges Beast Boy a physical task, as opposed to Raven or Starfire's breezy levitating. Beast Boy working at a meat shop itself was pretty funny, and the Tofu villain in the end sells the whole thing for me. LOL.)
45. Troq - 3/5 (The racism episode. The fact that we know what word "troq" is supposed to represent makes it very weird how often we see it used. I mean imagine an episode where they used the actual word this much... Yeah. I think this is pretty well done and what not in terms of being sweet and emotional, especially Cyborg's talk with Starfire and Robin instantly changing his mind on Val-Yor once he finds out. But the action plot they wrapped all this around didn't really have me hooked, and it's a pretty big chunk of the episode.)
46. The Prophecy - 3/5 (This is neat and all, but for the most part it really feels like nothing but setup for a grander plot than something to stand on its own. So while I'm sure the context of this will make the season finale more rewarding, this is just okay. I did get a kick out of Raven pulling up Slade as he was trying to leave just to jerk him around a little.)
47. Stranded - 4/5 (This is a fun episode, but it has one of the worst common TV tropes of all time; Character refusing to explain an easily explainable situation this creating conflict because of misunderstanding. I mean, yeah, Starfire DID describe what a "girlfriend" was, but then she just described what could also be platonic. Robin could have easily explained to her that there's a difference between platonic and romantic.)
48. Overdrive - 3/5 (I like the Billy Numerous theme music, but that's about it really.)
49. Mother Mae-Eye - 3/5 (Well, funny at times, I'll give it that. But ehhhh. Yeah, I don't know, there isn't much to be said here. Liked the scene where Robin spiked up his hair.)
50/51/52. The End - 5/5 (Yeah, pretty epic. The Titans using Raven's power was also cool. I was hoping to finally see Slade's face when his mask was knocked off, but I suppose a creepy half decomposed skeleton is also interesting... Don't really understand Trigon's motivation for, well, all of this though. He wants to take over the Earth and get rid of all life on it, just so he can sit in a giant chair and relax? I mean, the real story here is supposed to be about Raven, so I know it doesn't matter, but that's pretty thin for what's supposed to be the most threatening villain of the show to date.)
53/54. Homecoming - 3/5 (I love specific character focused episode where we see something more personal to them, but Beast Boy's background isn't that interesting and most of the team besides Elastigirl weren't very interesting. But I do find Negative Man's powers cool. Brain is a pretty cool villain too, I love his voice, really intimidating vibes. How are any of the Doom Patrol alive after what happened though? Never explained)
55. Trust - 4/5 (An entire Hot Spot episode? Interesting, since I always find it fun when shows divert from the main cast. Overall fun, but that ending was pretty frustrating though. Hot Spot was so obviously Madame Rouge!)
56. For Real - 3/5 (I do like the Titans East, but this was disappointing. I was hoping for more of a genuine episode in their own town, seeing their feats as a team and friends, as opposed to goofing off with Control Freak. Also one of the villains Brain had lined up two episodes ago is in jail here?? Were Más y Menos permanently translated to English for the audience to understand them? I mean I guess I prefer it, since having them two speaking what sounds like gibberish to the rest of the team makes it hard for them to appear as genuine friends, especially since they're mostly attached to each other as opposed to the whole team.)
57. Snowblind - 4/5 (Already loved Red Star and then he's immediately killed before my eyes!! Whyyyy! I was hoping he would gain control of his powers and aid the Titans. How has he still been getting tanks to fill up with radioactive liquid for so many decades though? And that's a pretty small room for two tanks a day over the span of decades.)
58. Kole - 3/5 (This entire season so far the Titans have just been around the world, given last time they were in what appears to be Russia, and now it's somewhere in Scandinavia. It's been an interesting change of pace, sure, but this episode wasn't terribly interesting. They meet some caveman with a little girl, Dr. Light is up to no good, etc.)
59. Hide and Seek - 3/5 (Bobby turning out to be real was a pretty fun "twist". Got dragged out for a while though.)
60. Lightspeed - 4/5 (Another non-Titan focused episode. Kid Flash is randomly horning on Jinx because why not, I guess? This Jinx redemption came out of absolutely nowhere, given how little we've seen of her prior. But Kid Flash is fun, so whatever.)
61. Revved Up - 3/5 (This episode is neat, but given how they are racing for the entirety of it, the constant action was pretty exhausting to sit through. Why did Raven sneezing and Starfire saying the Tamaranean equivalent of "bless you" inform all the villains they are Titans though? Also, infuriating we never got to see what's in the briefcase.)
62. Go! - 5/5 (Love seeing the origins of the team, though it's pretty oddly convenient that these 5 superpowered people (well 4 with powers) just so happened to stumble upon each other, same day, same time, same situation. I imagine shortly after this they occasionally stumbled upon each other trying to fight the same bad guy every so often and decided to start a team. Which would have been more realistic for their first interactions, not all 5 meeting at once. Pretty on the nose Batman reference but they still absolutely refuse to mention Batman.)
63/64. Calling All Titans!/Titans Together - 5/5 (Why is Beast Boy climbing up the mountain as a goat instead of just... Flying? This was quite the epic episode, I enjoyted the intensity of seeing nearly every hero be ambushed separately by different villains. It's a bit strange for the final part to mostly be from Beast Boy's perspective, and with the strange heroes he ends up meeting. I was expecting to see how the rest of the Titans made it to the Brotherhood of Evil base, but it's probably better this way, since it leaves it up to imagination, and it doesn't really matter. Seeing the brain finally defeated when all heroes went into battle was satisfying. Jericho's powers were pretty cool.)
65. Things Change - 4/5 (The amount of quiet and awkward scenes with that sad music was... Well, very strange. The whole Terra thing is a bit weird like, sure, if someone you don't know jumps up to you, acts as if they know you and tells you you've gotten amnesia, you'd think they were insane. But Beast Boy surely has photo proof? Or if not, he could get testimony from the rest of his team?? No??? It doesn't have to jog her memory back, but at the very least she'd realize the truth and know who she was instead of just being so vague and saying cryptic things. Some things she said implied perhaps she did know, because any real person would just yell out the weirdo stalking them, not give emotional speeches about the girl you once knew being gone etc. But all that aside, why did Slade send a robot out just to tell Beast Boy that he had nothing to do with what's happened to Terra? Also, that creatures ability to turn himself into any matter he touches is really cool.)
Movie: Trouble in Tokyo - 3/5 (This has pretty much one of the things I dislike most about movies based on TV shows; Instead of actually focusing on the iconic aspects of the series in question, it goes out of it's way to be as far removed from it as possible by setting it in a whole other country. Bummer, because an ideal Titans movie would really focus on the whole team, and THEIR city. Instead, they're just in Tokyo stopping a corrupt commander (who I knew was gonna be the bad guy from the get-go) who's creating crimes to be a hero. And the thing is with these kind of movies is, perhaps if they actually did focus on the characters relationships, it would be good. But instead they are mostly separated the entire time, just goofing off. And cue the obligatory relationship between Robin and Starfire. I mean, it was obviously going to happen, so it's not as if I mind it, but the drama feels pretty forced. They're heroes, yes, but they lounge around and take time off all the time when criminals aren't around. There really isn't much more to say about this. High-tier average. Although, admittedly, I was finding myself ready to close my eyes and fall asleep nearing the hour mark.)
-The Lost Episode - 3/5 (It's half the length of a normal episode, so it's hard to judge it, given it's not even serious at all. A fun little watch, for sure. Beast Boy walking around with a boombox on his shoulders was funny because of how dated it is.)
-New Teen Titans Shorts (Can't really rate them since they're just shorts, but here's a few throwaway thoughts: I like the artstyle. The lowercase T tower is a funny visual gag. Was Blackfire just killed? So, they finally actually showed Batman on screen (technically)? The hell was up with Cyborg's voice in one of these?)

The last time I tried, which was over a month ago, it was truly disappointing. His lack of enthusiasm made me feel so bad about myself. I wasn't even asking him to please me, I wanted to please him so the whole encounter was me trying to make him feel satisfied, putting him first and putting myself out of the picture.
Less than one hour later he was jerking off to some porn video. Actually, he watched around 14 different porn videos.
He doesn't know that I know, because when I tried to ask him the reason behind his lack of interest in having sex more often, he just said it was due to stress from work. He seems to forget that he confessed to being a porn addict in the beginning of the relationship. I wanted to give him the chance to be honest and work on this issue, but after being lied to I know that talking is pointless. I'm the one to blame for deciding to stay.
I eat a healthily, run and lift weights. I take care of my looks because they affect how I feel. I'm highly enthusiastic about sex, always eager to learn, to unwind and have fun. I want to feel desired. That's why I promised myself that I wouldn't humiliate myself by initiating sex with him again.
But so far he has continued using porn. Even when I'm at the house wearing sexy pajamas and being flirty. I reject so many men at work and ignore so many when I go out, only to come home and feel like I don't have any appeal as a woman. I wish I could care about any of those other men, sometimes I wonder if cheating would make me feel better, but I know that doing that would make me feel even more hollow because I can't get aroused if I'm not with the person that I love. I want his attention, he is the one I love, and that hurts me.
Right now he is sleeping next to me. It's been over a month. I know that he didn't use porn in the past two days. I don't know if I should break my promise and give this a chance once he wakes up.