Hotel reception phone ringtone
Roll Call Poll: Have you ever worked a service job? Do you think "living wage" surcharges are acceptable?
2024.06.02 06:45 deafening-pickleball Roll Call Poll: Have you ever worked a service job? Do you think "living wage" surcharges are acceptable?
Don't overcomplicate this.
submitted by deafening-pickleball to WestSeattleWA [link] [comments]
- Have you ever worked a service job? Let's define "service job" as front line, directly interfacing with customers face-to-face (restaurant staff, barista, cashier, retail sales, front desk reception, etc.). Not remote customer service or most "professional" jobs. Dealing with end customers directly is always challenging, but handling these by phone or online is just different from interacting in person. Let's set three months at 12+ hours a week as the baseline. I don't think you have to do a lot of time in the industry for it to affect your point of view more broadly, but also working two 2-hour shifts at your parents' country club pool won't do it.
- Do you think it's acceptable for restaurants to add service/wage surcharges that go directly to ownership? Try to pick yes/no, even if there are caveats. Which do you most agree with? Note this does not include mandatory gratuity. These will show up as "living wage fee," "Seattle fee" or similar.
2024.06.02 06:37 gilmoregorls The bride wants me to decorate the venue on the day of her wedding
I'm very confused as this is the first ethnic wedding that I'm attending. My friend gets married tomorrow and the ceremony is from 5-7pm followed by the reception from 7-9pm. I live an hour away from the venue and I don't drive. She calls me at 8:30 pm this evening asking me to be there by 1 pm to help decorate the venue without any prior heads up. All she did was given me the decoratoevent planners phone number and has asked me to coordinate with him. I did call her back to ask if I could get dressed for the party somewhere on site but she didn't have a clear answer. She did say that I could use the bridal room (which I'm very hesitant to do) without any clear instructions whether I would actually be given access. As I had no idea that I'd be asked to decorate the venue, I had not planned ahead i.e. pack my bag with my outfit, jewelry, makeup. I'm a little confused about the whole situation and I'm unsure what to do. Should I help her decorate, go back home get dressed and attend the reception because there's no way I'd make it to the wedding anyway.
A few points to note: we have been friends for just over a year. Again, I don't drive and I live downtown. Most of my acquaintances attending the wedding live pretty close to the venue so I'm not sure if I can ask either of them for a ride. And I also don't know how long it's going to take me to decorate the venue or what it involves for me to be able to plan this better. I don't want to be rude and skip the wedding. Appreciate your advice on this! Thanks 🙏
submitted by gilmoregorls to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
A few points to note: we have been friends for just over a year. Again, I don't drive and I live downtown. Most of my acquaintances attending the wedding live pretty close to the venue so I'm not sure if I can ask either of them for a ride. And I also don't know how long it's going to take me to decorate the venue or what it involves for me to be able to plan this better. I don't want to be rude and skip the wedding. Appreciate your advice on this! Thanks 🙏
2024.06.02 06:18 GloriousAlmonds RE: Theft Case Debacle
Hi Everyone,
I got a typical theft case:
• Found my mark using the phone number provided, ran into his house, collected all pieces of diagnostic data on him and his wife. I know it’s him from his first name, as he answered the call.
• After finding no documents I went to his employer and found a secret document with his fingerprints all over it. It’s definitely his.
• Go to the jukebox (drop off point) where I attempt to place it “near the juke box at [INSERT NAME] Hotel. No checkbox, no indication I even have the right document.
Am I missing something? Is it possible he has it on his person/his wife has it? He matches the description I have in my briefcase for the case. I just can’t seem to complete the quest. I saw many forum posts and Reddit inquiries about these quests being bugged a year ago and I want to make sure this isn’t the case.
submitted by GloriousAlmonds to Shadows_of_Doubt [link] [comments]
I got a typical theft case:
• Found my mark using the phone number provided, ran into his house, collected all pieces of diagnostic data on him and his wife. I know it’s him from his first name, as he answered the call.
• After finding no documents I went to his employer and found a secret document with his fingerprints all over it. It’s definitely his.
• Go to the jukebox (drop off point) where I attempt to place it “near the juke box at [INSERT NAME] Hotel. No checkbox, no indication I even have the right document.
Am I missing something? Is it possible he has it on his person/his wife has it? He matches the description I have in my briefcase for the case. I just can’t seem to complete the quest. I saw many forum posts and Reddit inquiries about these quests being bugged a year ago and I want to make sure this isn’t the case.
2024.06.02 06:17 Tinkerfan57912 Genie plus questions
Ok some questions about it. I am use to the Fast Pass system and would have made those by now so I am feeling a little anxious. - Can I order it now and make my picks, or do I have to wait until our park days? Do I have to buy it for each day separately or is it a one price for the trip? Will it work on my phone when we’re are traveling to the park or do I have to be on wifi in the hotel room?
what’s the difference between genie and lighting lane? They sound like the same thing.
submitted by Tinkerfan57912 to DisneyPlanning [link] [comments]
what’s the difference between genie and lighting lane? They sound like the same thing.
2024.06.02 06:17 LibrarianNeat7032 AITAH for not allowing my sister's bf to come over?
AITA for not letting my sister's boyfriend come over?
My (23F) sister (27F) is upset that I don't want her convicted murderer bf over. A little back story is: my sister, husband (23M), and I all live together to save money. The economy in our area is not great, so my bf and I were struggling to make ends meet on our own. We all live in a rental and split bills together. Everything was going really good until my bf ended up getting laid off last year. Everything was really rocky for a while, but my sister started going to the food bank so we could eat. This is where she met her current bf (45M).
They hit it off, and she hadn't been in a relationship in a while, so I was pretty excited but also a little guarded due to the age gap. Something that's worthy to mention is that this man is a convicted murderer. He did 23 years in jail after murdering someone with his best friend over some stolen cash. I was a little hesitant at first but eventually decided to meet him.
He seemed fine at first, treated my sister well, and I didn't have a problem with him until the beginning of this year. He currently lives with his parents and other roommates (which is common in our area due to astronomical rent increases) and lives on disability due to a workplace injury. He started coming over every weekend. He doesn't drive due to getting out of prison in the last year and not having funds for a car. I've had to pick him up a few times from the next town over about 30 minutes away due to my sister's busy schedule.
In February, I informed him I would like a weekend with him not coming over, and he was not allowed to come over that weekend. He became upset and started blowing up my phone. I ignored it as I was out drinking with friends and didn't want to make the situation worse or say something I would regret.
I ended up with 6 missed calls, 2 voicemails, and 14 texts. Once I realized he wasn't going to stop, I lost it. I informed him it was not his house, it is a rule in our house if one of us (my husband, my sister and myself) does not want a guest over then we have the right to say no, and that he was no longer welcome at our home. I informed him I would not be driving him places or helping him in anyway until he learned that he is not entitled to my living space, my time, or my concern. I let him know that those are privileges and he will no longer be welcome.
Things have been rocky since then. My sister will ask every weekend if he can come over. He has since apologized, and I have gone to a few lunches with my sister and him to keep the peace. Since that fall out happened, though, he has said a few things that do not make me feel comfortable with him in our home.
I knew he had murdered someone and was trying to have an open mind, as 23 years can change someone. But the reason he wants to come over every week is because he gets into fights with one of his roommates a lot and states that if he stays, he will end up going back to prison.
There was one time after a lunch we had together that my sister forgot something in the restaurant and this man proceeded to tell me a story of how his sentence got lengthened because he beat a man almost to death while in prison for talking bad about his sister. He explained many gory details, including how he was covered in blood, etc. He stopped once my sister returned, and he acted as though nothing had happened.
I'm going to be honest. It scared me quite a bit. I don't know if I read too much into the story or if I just want to hold everything against him, but it felt almost intentional??
Since the fall out in February, he spent one night over about 2 weeks ago, according to my sister he either was going to be sleeping in the streets or could come here, my husband and I were tired and feeling guilty so we allowed him to stay one night. During that night, we all ran to Walmart for some snacks, and my husband stayed home to feed our pets.
My sisters bf showed me a new pocket knife he had bought and informed me he was thinking about using it on his roommate or himself if he either didn't go sleep in the streets or didn't come to our home. I was obviously a bit freaked out, and again, my sister wasn't around to hear this.
Tonight, my sister came to me and asked if he could come over. I haven't told her of the private conversations him and I have had, as I don't think her opinion on him will change, but she knows I don't want him over very much still. When I said no she stated that it's unfair since she pays 1/3 of our living expenses but can't have company, and if he wasn't allowed here then she was going to go with him to a hotel. She said my bf and I were being unfair, not allowing him over.
So, reddit, AITA?
TL;DR My sister's convicted murderer bf lives with roommates he doesn't like and wants to come over at least once a week. He has said very violent things privately to me about his thoughts and feelings towards his roommate and himself, as well as almost unaliving someone while in prison. My sister wants him over and says it's unfair she pays bills but isn't allowed company over. I said no because I don't like him and don't feel safe with him (neither does my husband), AITAH?
submitted by LibrarianNeat7032 to AITAH [link] [comments]
My (23F) sister (27F) is upset that I don't want her convicted murderer bf over. A little back story is: my sister, husband (23M), and I all live together to save money. The economy in our area is not great, so my bf and I were struggling to make ends meet on our own. We all live in a rental and split bills together. Everything was going really good until my bf ended up getting laid off last year. Everything was really rocky for a while, but my sister started going to the food bank so we could eat. This is where she met her current bf (45M).
They hit it off, and she hadn't been in a relationship in a while, so I was pretty excited but also a little guarded due to the age gap. Something that's worthy to mention is that this man is a convicted murderer. He did 23 years in jail after murdering someone with his best friend over some stolen cash. I was a little hesitant at first but eventually decided to meet him.
He seemed fine at first, treated my sister well, and I didn't have a problem with him until the beginning of this year. He currently lives with his parents and other roommates (which is common in our area due to astronomical rent increases) and lives on disability due to a workplace injury. He started coming over every weekend. He doesn't drive due to getting out of prison in the last year and not having funds for a car. I've had to pick him up a few times from the next town over about 30 minutes away due to my sister's busy schedule.
In February, I informed him I would like a weekend with him not coming over, and he was not allowed to come over that weekend. He became upset and started blowing up my phone. I ignored it as I was out drinking with friends and didn't want to make the situation worse or say something I would regret.
I ended up with 6 missed calls, 2 voicemails, and 14 texts. Once I realized he wasn't going to stop, I lost it. I informed him it was not his house, it is a rule in our house if one of us (my husband, my sister and myself) does not want a guest over then we have the right to say no, and that he was no longer welcome at our home. I informed him I would not be driving him places or helping him in anyway until he learned that he is not entitled to my living space, my time, or my concern. I let him know that those are privileges and he will no longer be welcome.
Things have been rocky since then. My sister will ask every weekend if he can come over. He has since apologized, and I have gone to a few lunches with my sister and him to keep the peace. Since that fall out happened, though, he has said a few things that do not make me feel comfortable with him in our home.
I knew he had murdered someone and was trying to have an open mind, as 23 years can change someone. But the reason he wants to come over every week is because he gets into fights with one of his roommates a lot and states that if he stays, he will end up going back to prison.
There was one time after a lunch we had together that my sister forgot something in the restaurant and this man proceeded to tell me a story of how his sentence got lengthened because he beat a man almost to death while in prison for talking bad about his sister. He explained many gory details, including how he was covered in blood, etc. He stopped once my sister returned, and he acted as though nothing had happened.
I'm going to be honest. It scared me quite a bit. I don't know if I read too much into the story or if I just want to hold everything against him, but it felt almost intentional??
Since the fall out in February, he spent one night over about 2 weeks ago, according to my sister he either was going to be sleeping in the streets or could come here, my husband and I were tired and feeling guilty so we allowed him to stay one night. During that night, we all ran to Walmart for some snacks, and my husband stayed home to feed our pets.
My sisters bf showed me a new pocket knife he had bought and informed me he was thinking about using it on his roommate or himself if he either didn't go sleep in the streets or didn't come to our home. I was obviously a bit freaked out, and again, my sister wasn't around to hear this.
Tonight, my sister came to me and asked if he could come over. I haven't told her of the private conversations him and I have had, as I don't think her opinion on him will change, but she knows I don't want him over very much still. When I said no she stated that it's unfair since she pays 1/3 of our living expenses but can't have company, and if he wasn't allowed here then she was going to go with him to a hotel. She said my bf and I were being unfair, not allowing him over.
So, reddit, AITA?
TL;DR My sister's convicted murderer bf lives with roommates he doesn't like and wants to come over at least once a week. He has said very violent things privately to me about his thoughts and feelings towards his roommate and himself, as well as almost unaliving someone while in prison. My sister wants him over and says it's unfair she pays bills but isn't allowed company over. I said no because I don't like him and don't feel safe with him (neither does my husband), AITAH?
2024.06.02 06:12 JdonMySoul Chargeback on faulty product with a US Credit Card(Mastercard)?
Simple situation. I bought a new smartphone through the manufacturer's online store, sim free model in Japan. It arrives, but there were issues with my reception being randomly cut even though my old phone didn't, and neither does my SO's phone.
So I contacted them within the first week, which they told me no refunds, only exchange or repair. That's fine, but I sent it to them and it's been a month and they still haven't sent me a fixed or replacement phone.
I'm getting ticked off and was wondering if anyone had experience doing a charge back with a US credit card with a Japanese store.
Of course I never plan to order from Them again, I'm just going back to the same brand I used to use.
The reason I'm ticked off is cause I paid 200,000 yen for it and I haven't been able to use it for over a month because they're not proceeding with anything....
submitted by JdonMySoul to japanlife [link] [comments]
So I contacted them within the first week, which they told me no refunds, only exchange or repair. That's fine, but I sent it to them and it's been a month and they still haven't sent me a fixed or replacement phone.
I'm getting ticked off and was wondering if anyone had experience doing a charge back with a US credit card with a Japanese store.
Of course I never plan to order from Them again, I'm just going back to the same brand I used to use.
The reason I'm ticked off is cause I paid 200,000 yen for it and I haven't been able to use it for over a month because they're not proceeding with anything....
2024.06.02 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Capable_Goal_6116
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, betrayal
Original Post: May 18, 2024
Throwaway bc my husband knows my main. I don’t know what to do. My (31F) husband (32M) - fake name Chris, and I have been married for four years, together for six. When we first got together we had several long talks about how we both wanted a big family. I wanted to be very upfront that child free is not an option, and I said I wanted to have at least four kids. I’m an only child and know how lonely it is, I also said I wanted to have them about a yeayear and a half apart so they could grow up close.
He always wholeheartedly agreed to this and often made jokes like “whether we have 4 or 6, have as many as we want, it’s your call since you pretty much have to do all the work” and on our wedding day before we left the reception for our honeymoon he whispered “can we get outta here and get started on baby #1?” I loved how excited he seemed. To be clear I didn’t go off my BC until about two months after we were married and I got pregnant soon after with our first daughter Joy.
Joy was a happy pregnancy, long birth, but she was a beautiful, healthy baby. She went through colic which was trying, but other than that she was a happy first addition according to me. I noticed Chris became distant during my first pregnancy, but when I asked him about it he just said he had a lot in his mind being a new father. He said he was still excited, but something changed. For reference, we both work full time, I make about 20K more a year than him, and the five bedroom house that we live in was a gift from my mom who was very excited to be a grandma to many. My job is fully remote, but still offers maternity leave, and I have a nest egg savings for emergencies, and feel it’s important to mention this because I know finances can be a major stress factor when it comes to having kids, but not for me and Chris.
Then Joy came out perfectly, Chris had three months of paternity leave and was home with us for majority of that time. My mom visited a lot, and paid to have cleaners come. There were still a lot of long nights and it was tough for me to breastfeed, but overall nothing unexpected. Chris still seemed distant, but always helped with Joy. We have an agreed open phone policy, so I did check his phone quite often but didn’t find any sign of cheating. He goes through my phone whenever he wants too. I asked if he found me unattractive while pregnant and he assured me no, he loves me and he’s excited for our family.
Fast forward a year after, we’re sleeping through the night and I am back to work, saw my doctor and was cleared to try for bundle of joy #2, and Chris seemed very enthusiastic at this point. He even downloaded an app to track my fertility cycle so we could make the most of my ovulation times.
We had a lot of fun and he was always very passionate, but six months of trying with no pregnancy I started to worry. I’d voice my concerns and Chris would brush them off, so I tried to be patient, but then almost two years passed and Joy is growing up by herself.
I broke down to my mother crying and she agreed to come with me to the doctor to get checked out. I was very emotional and scared, but the doctor assured me everything is fine and that I should be able to conceive without any issues.
I went to Chris with this knowledge and he was very upset I went to a fertility specialist. I explained I thought something might have gone wrong during my last pregnancy, concerned that I was maybe blocked or infertile somehow. He said why not wait and “just let nature take its course” and I said “our little girl is almost three, and growing up by herself.” I reminded him of our plans and he just nodded and said all we can do is try. I asked if he would see a fertility specialist and he got angry, saying there’s nothing wrong with him and we don’t have the money for fertility treatments anyway. This confused me since we do have money, we have my savings and are doing pretty well.
When he went to sleep I decided to go through his phone again and went back through his calendar and call logs. I noticed about eight months after Joy was born there was a blocked day indicating he’d taken off from work, but it was in the middle of the week and I don’t remember any sort of special occasions behind why he’d take this random day off. I went through the call logs and found an office number about a week before and when I googled the number a local business where you could get a vasectomy appeared! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I instantly felt cold all over then started to panic.
I woke him up and confronted him. He just stared at me while I went off and admitted babies were harder than he thought and he felt like my first pregnancy took forever.
I couldn’t believe it. I packed my things, Joy and her things and drove to my mom’s house. She is in distress with my sudden appearance and my inability to stop crying. I finally told her yesterday morning what happened and she’s just beside herself. I don’t know what to do, but every time I think about how during sex Chris would talk to me about giving me a baby and he’d had the vasectomy the entire time. I feel so disgusted and stupid. I can’t believe my little girl is going to grow up alone. Chris has been blowing up my phone, but I just keep letting it ring and haven’t read any of his texts.
Edit: to those saying I “coerced” my “poor husband” into agreeing to a big family, nope. I was always open and honest about my dreams, told him it’s okay if he wanted different things, and he not only repetitively agreed and accepted, he also helped me plan, nest, put together the nursery and enthusiastically participated in conversations regarding having multiple children around friends and family, and always said we’d have at least 4. That was our number. Him getting a vasectomy behind my back was a complete shock.
Also, we’ve both always agreed to the open phone policy. I never “betrayed his trust” by going through his phone since I always had his consent to do so and he has mine. We even have the same phone pass code. I never wanted to be in a relationship where we kept secrets from each other. I know other couples feel different, but this is another thing he always 100% claimed he agreed with me on.
I vaguely remember one week where he actually turned me down for sex claiming he had a “head cold” and he didn’t join me in the shower like usual during that time, but I didn’t think anything about it. And no, men never need a wife’s signature to get vasectomy.
Comments
FantasticAnus: There's nothing wrong with child number one changing his mind, but he should have been open and honest about that and said that he wouldn't be having any more children, and then it would have been up to you as to whether you could live with that, or move on from him.
What he did, however, was duplicitous and manipulative. I don't think I could stay with a man who was so willing to keep such an enormous lie from me, one which impacts me, my daughter and my future enormously.
MyUsernameIsMehh: He has every right to not want more kids, you have every right to want more.
What he did not have the right to do was fool you for years. Men who have had vasectomies but hide it and "try for a baby" are beyond disgusting. Their wives think something is wrong with them, they go to specialists and sometimes spend a LOT of money on fertility treatments.
He's a spineless little shit (pardon my words, but it's true) who pushed you to have breakdowns over this.
He had every right to get a vasectomy, he didn't need your permission, but he had NO RIGHT to hide it and pretend you two were trying for another child.
Update: May 24, 2024
Some of you made some comments about my mom gifting my husband and I a house, paying for occasional cleaning services implying that Chris feels somehow emasculated by this, also implying I am “too financially dependent on my mom.” I make very good money, I have a sizable savings and don’t need any help, my mom was excited to buy this house for us as a wedding present. My dad passed away when I was young, he was wealthy and left my mom everything, so she shares his love since I’m her only kid. I make more money than Chris and always have. Yes his name is on the house, so yeah I’m gonna get screwed over in the divorce.
Some of you complained I “broke his trust” by going through his phone. He goes through my phone too. We have the same passcode. Some comments called this agreement between us unhinged, which to me is bizarre. Chris, I thought, was my soulmate, my husband and best friend. We don’t have secrets. I thought. Isn’t that the whole point of marriage? To finally have one person in the whole world you can tell everything to? To always be on the same team? Obviously I was wrong, and as many of you pointed out, that kind of love, trust and openness doesn’t really exist, and none of that matters now.
Chris and Joy seemed fine to me, but in hindsight there’s always been a hesitation on his part. I always thought it was just typical since the short while my dad was alive in my life I don’t really remember him being affectionate or warm. He was nice and played with me sometimes, but I don’t remember being held by him very much. I asked Chris many times if everything was okay when I noticed he was distant. He always said things were great, and give an excuse; just tired, work is draining, no big deal.
We’re in the US, and here a man can go get a vasectomy at any time. I don’t know what Chris told his doctor. For all I know he took his wedding ring off and gave a sob story, or probably just walked in and asked for the procedure. It doesn’t matter.
I’m really thankful for my mother. She’s heartbroken for me, and like many of you, she already knows my marriage is over. There’s been a lot of long nights of me crying that she’s endured.
I’m numb when I’m not crying, and keep getting this creepy feeling that nothing matters. We’re getting a divorce. I finally called Chris and he sobbed he was sorry, said he might be able to get it reversed. I’ve read a lot about vasectomies since my last post, and sometimes it can’t be reversed. It’s always a risk.
Again, it doesn’t matter. It’s not actually about the vasectomy. It’s that the person who I thought was the one person in the world that I could trust, that I was on the same page as, literally writing the book together, made this decision without me and kept it from me and the lied for years. I really thought what we had was true love. Now I’m pretty certain that doesn’t even exist.
Chris has not offered any explanation. He cried, begged my forgiveness and said again that he could get it reversed. Even if he can, the rest is irreversible. He never once answered my question. It’s really painful to talk to him, so after three times of asking and him each time dodging answering, and begging forgiveness, I finally just said to please leave the house and told him he’d hear from my lawyer.
He texted that he’s packed and left, and I haven’t heard from him since. He never once asked about Joy.
My lawyer says I might wind up paying alimony, but I might be able to get the house since it was a gift from my mother and Chris has never made any financial contribution. He also says Chris committed a kind of infidelity since he went behind my back to have this life altering procedure and admitted it, so that might help me.
To everyone telling me it’s gonna be okay, and I can still have more children…all of that seems impossible right now. My heart is broken. I’ve never experienced such sadness and the only relief is when I’m playing with my daughter. Her happiness is infectious. She is blissfully unaware, having the time of her life at grandma’s, but unlike her father she actually asks where’s da da?
I called work and took a medical leave of absence. I found a therapist.
My mom has offered to stay with me for a while, as well as hire a nanny.
Comments
BrightAd306: I agree with you. It’s not the vasectomy. It’s lying about it and defrauding you. Wanting your money, but not being a true partner.
Listen to your lawyer. Do what he says, and you’ll come out the other side. Even if you pay alimony, it won’t be forever
DangerNoodleDandy: I agree. The vasectomy and the fact that he hid it are a symptom of a greater issue.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My husband got a vasectomy and didn’t tell me
Trigger Warnings: accusations of infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, betrayal
Throwaway bc my husband knows my main. I don’t know what to do. My (31F) husband (32M) - fake name Chris, and I have been married for four years, together for six. When we first got together we had several long talks about how we both wanted a big family. I wanted to be very upfront that child free is not an option, and I said I wanted to have at least four kids. I’m an only child and know how lonely it is, I also said I wanted to have them about a yeayear and a half apart so they could grow up close.
He always wholeheartedly agreed to this and often made jokes like “whether we have 4 or 6, have as many as we want, it’s your call since you pretty much have to do all the work” and on our wedding day before we left the reception for our honeymoon he whispered “can we get outta here and get started on baby #1?” I loved how excited he seemed. To be clear I didn’t go off my BC until about two months after we were married and I got pregnant soon after with our first daughter Joy.
Joy was a happy pregnancy, long birth, but she was a beautiful, healthy baby. She went through colic which was trying, but other than that she was a happy first addition according to me. I noticed Chris became distant during my first pregnancy, but when I asked him about it he just said he had a lot in his mind being a new father. He said he was still excited, but something changed. For reference, we both work full time, I make about 20K more a year than him, and the five bedroom house that we live in was a gift from my mom who was very excited to be a grandma to many. My job is fully remote, but still offers maternity leave, and I have a nest egg savings for emergencies, and feel it’s important to mention this because I know finances can be a major stress factor when it comes to having kids, but not for me and Chris.
Then Joy came out perfectly, Chris had three months of paternity leave and was home with us for majority of that time. My mom visited a lot, and paid to have cleaners come. There were still a lot of long nights and it was tough for me to breastfeed, but overall nothing unexpected. Chris still seemed distant, but always helped with Joy. We have an agreed open phone policy, so I did check his phone quite often but didn’t find any sign of cheating. He goes through my phone whenever he wants too. I asked if he found me unattractive while pregnant and he assured me no, he loves me and he’s excited for our family.
Fast forward a year after, we’re sleeping through the night and I am back to work, saw my doctor and was cleared to try for bundle of joy #2, and Chris seemed very enthusiastic at this point. He even downloaded an app to track my fertility cycle so we could make the most of my ovulation times.
We had a lot of fun and he was always very passionate, but six months of trying with no pregnancy I started to worry. I’d voice my concerns and Chris would brush them off, so I tried to be patient, but then almost two years passed and Joy is growing up by herself.
I broke down to my mother crying and she agreed to come with me to the doctor to get checked out. I was very emotional and scared, but the doctor assured me everything is fine and that I should be able to conceive without any issues.
I went to Chris with this knowledge and he was very upset I went to a fertility specialist. I explained I thought something might have gone wrong during my last pregnancy, concerned that I was maybe blocked or infertile somehow. He said why not wait and “just let nature take its course” and I said “our little girl is almost three, and growing up by herself.” I reminded him of our plans and he just nodded and said all we can do is try. I asked if he would see a fertility specialist and he got angry, saying there’s nothing wrong with him and we don’t have the money for fertility treatments anyway. This confused me since we do have money, we have my savings and are doing pretty well.
When he went to sleep I decided to go through his phone again and went back through his calendar and call logs. I noticed about eight months after Joy was born there was a blocked day indicating he’d taken off from work, but it was in the middle of the week and I don’t remember any sort of special occasions behind why he’d take this random day off. I went through the call logs and found an office number about a week before and when I googled the number a local business where you could get a vasectomy appeared! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. I instantly felt cold all over then started to panic.
I woke him up and confronted him. He just stared at me while I went off and admitted babies were harder than he thought and he felt like my first pregnancy took forever.
I couldn’t believe it. I packed my things, Joy and her things and drove to my mom’s house. She is in distress with my sudden appearance and my inability to stop crying. I finally told her yesterday morning what happened and she’s just beside herself. I don’t know what to do, but every time I think about how during sex Chris would talk to me about giving me a baby and he’d had the vasectomy the entire time. I feel so disgusted and stupid. I can’t believe my little girl is going to grow up alone. Chris has been blowing up my phone, but I just keep letting it ring and haven’t read any of his texts.
Edit: to those saying I “coerced” my “poor husband” into agreeing to a big family, nope. I was always open and honest about my dreams, told him it’s okay if he wanted different things, and he not only repetitively agreed and accepted, he also helped me plan, nest, put together the nursery and enthusiastically participated in conversations regarding having multiple children around friends and family, and always said we’d have at least 4. That was our number. Him getting a vasectomy behind my back was a complete shock.
Also, we’ve both always agreed to the open phone policy. I never “betrayed his trust” by going through his phone since I always had his consent to do so and he has mine. We even have the same phone pass code. I never wanted to be in a relationship where we kept secrets from each other. I know other couples feel different, but this is another thing he always 100% claimed he agreed with me on.
I vaguely remember one week where he actually turned me down for sex claiming he had a “head cold” and he didn’t join me in the shower like usual during that time, but I didn’t think anything about it. And no, men never need a wife’s signature to get vasectomy.
Comments
FantasticAnus: There's nothing wrong with child number one changing his mind, but he should have been open and honest about that and said that he wouldn't be having any more children, and then it would have been up to you as to whether you could live with that, or move on from him.
What he did, however, was duplicitous and manipulative. I don't think I could stay with a man who was so willing to keep such an enormous lie from me, one which impacts me, my daughter and my future enormously.
MyUsernameIsMehh: He has every right to not want more kids, you have every right to want more.
What he did not have the right to do was fool you for years. Men who have had vasectomies but hide it and "try for a baby" are beyond disgusting. Their wives think something is wrong with them, they go to specialists and sometimes spend a LOT of money on fertility treatments.
He's a spineless little shit (pardon my words, but it's true) who pushed you to have breakdowns over this.
He had every right to get a vasectomy, he didn't need your permission, but he had NO RIGHT to hide it and pretend you two were trying for another child.
Update: May 24, 2024
Some of you made some comments about my mom gifting my husband and I a house, paying for occasional cleaning services implying that Chris feels somehow emasculated by this, also implying I am “too financially dependent on my mom.” I make very good money, I have a sizable savings and don’t need any help, my mom was excited to buy this house for us as a wedding present. My dad passed away when I was young, he was wealthy and left my mom everything, so she shares his love since I’m her only kid. I make more money than Chris and always have. Yes his name is on the house, so yeah I’m gonna get screwed over in the divorce.
Some of you complained I “broke his trust” by going through his phone. He goes through my phone too. We have the same passcode. Some comments called this agreement between us unhinged, which to me is bizarre. Chris, I thought, was my soulmate, my husband and best friend. We don’t have secrets. I thought. Isn’t that the whole point of marriage? To finally have one person in the whole world you can tell everything to? To always be on the same team? Obviously I was wrong, and as many of you pointed out, that kind of love, trust and openness doesn’t really exist, and none of that matters now.
Chris and Joy seemed fine to me, but in hindsight there’s always been a hesitation on his part. I always thought it was just typical since the short while my dad was alive in my life I don’t really remember him being affectionate or warm. He was nice and played with me sometimes, but I don’t remember being held by him very much. I asked Chris many times if everything was okay when I noticed he was distant. He always said things were great, and give an excuse; just tired, work is draining, no big deal.
We’re in the US, and here a man can go get a vasectomy at any time. I don’t know what Chris told his doctor. For all I know he took his wedding ring off and gave a sob story, or probably just walked in and asked for the procedure. It doesn’t matter.
I’m really thankful for my mother. She’s heartbroken for me, and like many of you, she already knows my marriage is over. There’s been a lot of long nights of me crying that she’s endured.
I’m numb when I’m not crying, and keep getting this creepy feeling that nothing matters. We’re getting a divorce. I finally called Chris and he sobbed he was sorry, said he might be able to get it reversed. I’ve read a lot about vasectomies since my last post, and sometimes it can’t be reversed. It’s always a risk.
Again, it doesn’t matter. It’s not actually about the vasectomy. It’s that the person who I thought was the one person in the world that I could trust, that I was on the same page as, literally writing the book together, made this decision without me and kept it from me and the lied for years. I really thought what we had was true love. Now I’m pretty certain that doesn’t even exist.
Chris has not offered any explanation. He cried, begged my forgiveness and said again that he could get it reversed. Even if he can, the rest is irreversible. He never once answered my question. It’s really painful to talk to him, so after three times of asking and him each time dodging answering, and begging forgiveness, I finally just said to please leave the house and told him he’d hear from my lawyer.
He texted that he’s packed and left, and I haven’t heard from him since. He never once asked about Joy.
My lawyer says I might wind up paying alimony, but I might be able to get the house since it was a gift from my mother and Chris has never made any financial contribution. He also says Chris committed a kind of infidelity since he went behind my back to have this life altering procedure and admitted it, so that might help me.
To everyone telling me it’s gonna be okay, and I can still have more children…all of that seems impossible right now. My heart is broken. I’ve never experienced such sadness and the only relief is when I’m playing with my daughter. Her happiness is infectious. She is blissfully unaware, having the time of her life at grandma’s, but unlike her father she actually asks where’s da da?
I called work and took a medical leave of absence. I found a therapist.
My mom has offered to stay with me for a while, as well as hire a nanny.
Comments
BrightAd306: I agree with you. It’s not the vasectomy. It’s lying about it and defrauding you. Wanting your money, but not being a true partner.
Listen to your lawyer. Do what he says, and you’ll come out the other side. Even if you pay alimony, it won’t be forever
DangerNoodleDandy: I agree. The vasectomy and the fact that he hid it are a symptom of a greater issue.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.06.02 06:01 Direct-Caterpillar77 I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband (New Update)
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Previous BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, gaslighting
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
Update 4 May 14, 2024
Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.
I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.
Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.
My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.
NEW UPDATE
It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.
Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.
The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.
He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.
Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.06.02 05:47 Grouchy_Chemist8155 AITA for ghosting my “brother” after my wedding?
I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had đź’© smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his đź’© stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his đź’© smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?
submitted by Grouchy_Chemist8155 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had đź’© smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his đź’© stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his đź’© smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?
2024.06.02 05:43 localklescort kl Escort Localklescort.com
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2024.06.02 05:41 Imaginary_Witness_61 Phone call destroyed me (update)
Hello everyone. 1st off, I would like to thank everyone for their kind words. I have had a very stressful week and while I did not feel up to replying to anyone's posts, I want you all to know that I read them and your words helps me through the week. This has been a devastating event for me and each and every one of you that commented or reached out through chat brightened my day just a tiny bit. With that said, here is the most recent update.
Last Friday night, after my buddies got to the hotel, I explained what I had heard on the phone call. All 3 of them were stunned to say the least. They asked if I had saw any signs of this, and TBH, I really hadn't. I said I didn't know what I was going to do. I informed my one buddy that the proposal was off, and given the circumstances, he completely understood. One thing I had my buddies do when they left their houses is turn off tracking, incase their significant others were checking and getting back to Rachel. I know Rachel isn't close with one of the wives, but at this point, I didn't want to take any chances.
That night, we spent the night at the hotel bar and I tail spun pretty hard. Shot after shot after shot. It wasn't pretty. My buddies were getting calls all night from the SO's asking where they were, and to their credit, they stood their ground and backed me up, just saying that we were safe and not to worry. One asked to speak with me after assuming that where they were, but I didn't want to talk to her. She kept saying Rachel is worried and just wants me to come home. I just told my buddy to deal with it and I'll fill them in another time. I spent most of the night hitting on the bartender (which I'm not proud of), and a couple of girls who were traveling for work. The next day, I thanked them all for spending time with me and they took of back home.
This week, I had one of my buddies scope out the house we were renting as it was on his way to work and he gets to work after Rachel and I would have already left for the day. Rachel had taken Monday and Tuesday off, but went back to work on Wednesday. As soon as he informed of this, I went to the house and started packing as much stuff as I could. The house was a mess. Dishes in the sink, clothes laying everywhere, trash was full of takeout and ordered food. It took me about 3 1/2 hours to get all my crap out. Before I left, I cleaned up for Rachel as a final gesture. That afternoon and evening, I got flooded by Rachel with calls and texts after she realized that I had came home and gotten all of my things. So, for now, I'm now staying at my mother's house until I can find a a place of my own this fall. I spoke with the landlord, and without Rachel's signature, he won't remove me from the lease, meaning I will have to cover my half of it until October. My mom has said I can stay with her until then, at which point I will try to find a new place. I know, a 38 year old moving back in with his mother. How amazing life has treated me.
I finally contacted Rachel on Thursday, and told her we could meet up at a local bar and grill downtown Friday evening. I told her one of my buddies would be attending to make sure everything was on the up and up. She complained for a few minutes, saying she wanted me to come home and talk with her so we could move past this, but I told her if she wanted to see me, this was how it was going to be. Eventually, she agreed.
So Friday night, Rachel shows up after my buddy and I had been there for about an hour. I had already ate and took a couple shots of Ciroc to calm me. We sat down and she wanted to make small talk, asking about me and blah blah blah. I cut that garbage off. I told her I had a list of questions. Immediately, he eyes welled up. I asked her how long has this been going on? She swore this was the 1st and only time. I told her to cut off the shit. I said there was no change we were ever getting back together, so just tell me the truth, so I can have my closure, and move on with my life. She stuck to her guns for a few minutes, but then (as most of your predicted), she came clean. Every time I went on those trips for the past 2 years, she thought I was going to "cheat" on her, so she was having her fun too. This set me off. I told her she was using this as a f'n excuse just to sleep around. I then asked who she was talking on the phone with, but she refused to give me an answer for this. I asked if they used condoms, and she said sometimes. I said she's lucky I got an STD test, cause I'm clean, so she doesn't have to worry about getting one, unless her most recent "horse" didn't use one. Finally, before I left, I told her about my plans. July 4th proposal, I showed her the ring, and told her that I was gonna propose at our friends party, because that was where they introduced us. It was around here that she just started crying. She begged for another chance. I told her that I will always love her, but we are over.
So yeah, she's been messaging me all day, but I'm going to block her here soon. So I'm just sitting here eating some B Dubs and drinking beer while watching the fights. Hopefully, Poirier wins, but I'm doubting it. Ahhh my life is a train wreck. Anyway, thanks guys for listening. I don't know if I'll update again, as I doubt I will ever talk to that see u next Tuesday again.
submitted by Imaginary_Witness_61 to Infidelity [link] [comments]
Last Friday night, after my buddies got to the hotel, I explained what I had heard on the phone call. All 3 of them were stunned to say the least. They asked if I had saw any signs of this, and TBH, I really hadn't. I said I didn't know what I was going to do. I informed my one buddy that the proposal was off, and given the circumstances, he completely understood. One thing I had my buddies do when they left their houses is turn off tracking, incase their significant others were checking and getting back to Rachel. I know Rachel isn't close with one of the wives, but at this point, I didn't want to take any chances.
That night, we spent the night at the hotel bar and I tail spun pretty hard. Shot after shot after shot. It wasn't pretty. My buddies were getting calls all night from the SO's asking where they were, and to their credit, they stood their ground and backed me up, just saying that we were safe and not to worry. One asked to speak with me after assuming that where they were, but I didn't want to talk to her. She kept saying Rachel is worried and just wants me to come home. I just told my buddy to deal with it and I'll fill them in another time. I spent most of the night hitting on the bartender (which I'm not proud of), and a couple of girls who were traveling for work. The next day, I thanked them all for spending time with me and they took of back home.
This week, I had one of my buddies scope out the house we were renting as it was on his way to work and he gets to work after Rachel and I would have already left for the day. Rachel had taken Monday and Tuesday off, but went back to work on Wednesday. As soon as he informed of this, I went to the house and started packing as much stuff as I could. The house was a mess. Dishes in the sink, clothes laying everywhere, trash was full of takeout and ordered food. It took me about 3 1/2 hours to get all my crap out. Before I left, I cleaned up for Rachel as a final gesture. That afternoon and evening, I got flooded by Rachel with calls and texts after she realized that I had came home and gotten all of my things. So, for now, I'm now staying at my mother's house until I can find a a place of my own this fall. I spoke with the landlord, and without Rachel's signature, he won't remove me from the lease, meaning I will have to cover my half of it until October. My mom has said I can stay with her until then, at which point I will try to find a new place. I know, a 38 year old moving back in with his mother. How amazing life has treated me.
I finally contacted Rachel on Thursday, and told her we could meet up at a local bar and grill downtown Friday evening. I told her one of my buddies would be attending to make sure everything was on the up and up. She complained for a few minutes, saying she wanted me to come home and talk with her so we could move past this, but I told her if she wanted to see me, this was how it was going to be. Eventually, she agreed.
So Friday night, Rachel shows up after my buddy and I had been there for about an hour. I had already ate and took a couple shots of Ciroc to calm me. We sat down and she wanted to make small talk, asking about me and blah blah blah. I cut that garbage off. I told her I had a list of questions. Immediately, he eyes welled up. I asked her how long has this been going on? She swore this was the 1st and only time. I told her to cut off the shit. I said there was no change we were ever getting back together, so just tell me the truth, so I can have my closure, and move on with my life. She stuck to her guns for a few minutes, but then (as most of your predicted), she came clean. Every time I went on those trips for the past 2 years, she thought I was going to "cheat" on her, so she was having her fun too. This set me off. I told her she was using this as a f'n excuse just to sleep around. I then asked who she was talking on the phone with, but she refused to give me an answer for this. I asked if they used condoms, and she said sometimes. I said she's lucky I got an STD test, cause I'm clean, so she doesn't have to worry about getting one, unless her most recent "horse" didn't use one. Finally, before I left, I told her about my plans. July 4th proposal, I showed her the ring, and told her that I was gonna propose at our friends party, because that was where they introduced us. It was around here that she just started crying. She begged for another chance. I told her that I will always love her, but we are over.
So yeah, she's been messaging me all day, but I'm going to block her here soon. So I'm just sitting here eating some B Dubs and drinking beer while watching the fights. Hopefully, Poirier wins, but I'm doubting it. Ahhh my life is a train wreck. Anyway, thanks guys for listening. I don't know if I'll update again, as I doubt I will ever talk to that see u next Tuesday again.
2024.06.02 05:29 St_Augustine_Discord Live Music and Events Sunday May 2nd
Live Music and Events
- ZaZa Flamenca, Casa Monica Resort & Spa, 11:00 am – 3:00 pm
- Gabby Samuels, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
- Space Heaters, Pierre's Pub, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
- Vinny Jacobs, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
- Fond Kiser, Salt Life Food Shack, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
- Seedfromatree, Jimmy Hula's, 2:00 pm – 6:00 pm
- Ian Opalinski, Ann O'Malley's Deli and Pub, 3:00 pm – 6:00 am
- ZaZa Flamenca, Palm Valley Outdoors, 3:00 pm – 6:00 pm
- Denny Blue, Kingfish Grill, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
- Millie & GalĂn, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
- Damon Slaughter, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
- Millie & GalĂn, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 6:00 pm – 8:30 pm
- Chase Fouraker, Pierre's Pub, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Surf Fishing Academy
- The Guy Harvey Resort in St. Augustine will host a surf fishing workshop on select Sundays from March through August 2024. Surf fishing pro Noel Kuhn leads each class. A Jacksonville native, Noel continues to win fishing tournaments and is often invited to speak at fishing clubs.
- The workshops cover surf fishing basics and offer special tips and techniques: the best times to fish, how to read surf, how to use baits, ways to rig for success, and long-distance casting techniques to reach up to 600 feet and more. Classes are limited to 10 students.
- During the summer, class location is based on the changing bite patterns -- all locations will be near the hotel.
- The fee includes the use of fishing poles and tackle. Students should bring notepads, cameras, sunscreen, hats, sunglasses, coolers, water, and a fishing license.
- Admission: Tickets are $70.00 per person.
- When: Sunday, March 10, from noon to 4:00 p.m.; Sunday, April 14, from 8:00 a.m. to noon; Sunday, May 5, from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., and on June 2, July 14, and August 11, from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m.
# St. Augustine Film Society: Run Lola Run
- On Sunday, June 2 at 7:00 p.m. at the Temple Bet Yam, the St. Augustine Film Society hosts a screening of the highly awarded and nominated German thriller, Run Lola Run (1998).
- Written and directed by Tom Tykwer, the story follows a young woman, Lola, who receives a panicked phone call from her boyfriend, Manni. Due to his failed attempt at submitting a $100,000 payment to his drug dealer boss, Lola has 20 minutes to come up with the money to save his life.
- Admission: $8.00 for non-members of the St. Augustine Film Society. Students and members are free.
- When: Sunday, June 2, 2024, at 7:00 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.
- Where: Temple Bet Yam is at 2055 Wildwood Drive in St. Augustine, Florida 32086.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd
For future events please visit the Discord.
https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR2024.06.02 05:28 St_Augustine_Discord Live Music and Events Sunday May 2nd
Live Music and Events
- ZaZa Flamenca, Casa Monica Resort & Spa, 11:00 am – 3:00 pm
- Gabby Samuels, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
- Space Heaters, Pierre's Pub, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
- Vinny Jacobs, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
- Fond Kiser, Salt Life Food Shack, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
- Seedfromatree, Jimmy Hula's, 2:00 pm – 6:00 pm
- Ian Opalinski, Ann O'Malley's Deli and Pub, 3:00 pm – 6:00 am
- ZaZa Flamenca, Palm Valley Outdoors, 3:00 pm – 6:00 pm
- Denny Blue, Kingfish Grill, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
- Millie & GalĂn, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
- Damon Slaughter, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
- Millie & GalĂn, Borrillo's Pizzeria & Beer Garden, 6:00 pm – 8:30 pm
- Chase Fouraker, Pierre's Pub, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Surf Fishing Academy
- The Guy Harvey Resort in St. Augustine will host a surf fishing workshop on select Sundays from March through August 2024. Surf fishing pro Noel Kuhn leads each class. A Jacksonville native, Noel continues to win fishing tournaments and is often invited to speak at fishing clubs.
- The workshops cover surf fishing basics and offer special tips and techniques: the best times to fish, how to read surf, how to use baits, ways to rig for success, and long-distance casting techniques to reach up to 600 feet and more. Classes are limited to 10 students.
- During the summer, class location is based on the changing bite patterns -- all locations will be near the hotel.
- The fee includes the use of fishing poles and tackle. Students should bring notepads, cameras, sunscreen, hats, sunglasses, coolers, water, and a fishing license.
- Admission: Tickets are $70.00 per person.
- When: Sunday, March 10, from noon to 4:00 p.m.; Sunday, April 14, from 8:00 a.m. to noon; Sunday, May 5, from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., and on June 2, July 14, and August 11, from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m.
# St. Augustine Film Society: Run Lola Run
- On Sunday, June 2 at 7:00 p.m. at the Temple Bet Yam, the St. Augustine Film Society hosts a screening of the highly awarded and nominated German thriller, Run Lola Run (1998).
- Written and directed by Tom Tykwer, the story follows a young woman, Lola, who receives a panicked phone call from her boyfriend, Manni. Due to his failed attempt at submitting a $100,000 payment to his drug dealer boss, Lola has 20 minutes to come up with the money to save his life.
- Admission: $8.00 for non-members of the St. Augustine Film Society. Students and members are free.
- When: Sunday, June 2, 2024, at 7:00 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.
- Where: Temple Bet Yam is at 2055 Wildwood Drive in St. Augustine, Florida 32086.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd
For future events please visit the Discord.
https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR2024.06.02 05:20 arvarnargul Chuck 01x04 teleplay review
FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE A WALL OF TEXT
Intro: In a series of reviews that will begin (or return) here; we are going to try and take a critical look at the Chuck series, especially the unfolding of the story as scene through the teleplay. In this case we are assuming multiple things about a potential watcher:
So, don't freak out, and lets get started.
Chuck 01x04 (Chuck vs the Wookiee): TEASER - We open with the gang playing "Know Ya!", which isn't actually a real board game, but based on the game Paddles. It's amazing that Morgan can't stand Ellie/Awesome being in love/winning, but marches triumphantly whenever he gets a question correct. I also like we see, in frame, Chuck watching Sarah pick off olives; he's beginning to notice things just like a real spy. The deep sadness and yet storied confliction on Chuck's face when he discovers Peaches 1 and Peaches 2 was great.
For those who don't know about dogs:
As they end the game and exit to the courtyard, there teleplay of Chuck does something I've been wanting to see forever; they switch perspective to keep both characters in camera and follow them around from a 3rd perspective. We know this is supposed to indicate they are being watched, but I really enjoy getting to see them together reacting and talking instead of the constant close-ups and cuts. Normally Chuck will be shot with something between a medium close up (MCU) and Medium Shot (MS) to emphasize their characters and highlight their faces and expressions. This works really well because Chuck's cameras are typically either shoulder level or hip level based on the operators moving through their space. In many more modern TV shows, the technology of boom cranes and gyroscopic gimbals allows for content to be show from ground level to overhead giving directors the opportunity to tell their story through a variety of shifting profiles. If Chuck were shot today, we would see everything from full body shots all the way to extreme closeups without the need for continual jump-cuts and re-shoots because the technology is there. At least for this episode, it's nice to see the director explore more hip/knee level motion and more cowboy framed shots when having a distant observer perspective. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/types-of-camera-shots-sizes-in-film/ does a fantastic breakdown of all the different shot type and camera perspectives for you want to read more!
As we transition into Sarah's hotel room, did anyone pick up on how NICE this is? She has double sinks, a king bed, a sitting mirror, free standing tub, and a great view. I doubt any agency in the "real world" would ever spring for something like this for multiple years for one of their agents, it's fancy! Enter Carina, tell me, who saw Sarah fight with a soap sock and think of iCarly and the famous "butter sock". Also during this fight, why is Sarah wearing a golden bikini? I know she is about to get into the shower, but what plausible reason is there for her to a) wear a bikini at all and b) it to be a bright golden yellow?? If you slow this fight scene way down, you will notice Yvonne's strikes actually come close to hitting Mimi as she has had a lot of training, whereas Mimi's strikes are miles from Yvonne and she just over-acts their impact. The most noticeable is the kick into her table, Sarah goes flying back, but we can tell from the angle, Carina missed her by a good 2 ft. This was just some sloppy editing and not getting the camera into position. I give it a pass because you have probably 3 camera operators wearing stabilized camera rigs trying to rotate around a room with 2 girls fighting and they just missed the angle by like 2 feet. I did really like at the end of the fight Carina had the option to go for the gun but instead went for the fish. If you didn't know they were not enemies before, this should have been a big clue! Carina calls Sarah's life in LA boring #1
ACT I
Carina aka: Maria Elena Argalberdi was born Jun 16, 1978 in Alberdi Argentina with a Buenos Aires passport. Maria Elena is actually the name of a famous song in Mexico and eventually had a movie. This Chuck learns on Flash #1 and is the precursor to meeting the general for the first time. I know I've mentioned this before, but to reiterate; the pictures in Casey's apartment are all wrong; he has photos of Chuck and Morgan that don't happen until season 5 (lost footage) he has a map of Echo Park and Malibu already on display, and he has tactical information for each member of the Buy More (which he has no reason for at this time). It is interesting they talk about an opium cartel in Afghanistan as Afghanistan is known for it's huge poppy fields for heroin drug money.
The NADAN-I-NOOR diamond:
On the Nerd Herd call with Carina, she opens a bottle of wine with a butter knife. This is actually a pretty famous thing that is done all over the world with everything from a key to a saber. In fact they make a specially type of knife with an extra wide blade for this it Italy. I do want to ask the question; is Carina dressed in red lingerie (Chuck's favorite color she stole from Sarah) really necessary for this scene? I know that Carina is all about improvising and she often uses her sexuality to progress her cause (Casey), but I think we could have gotten away with just the top. I can certainly see the rationalization for going this far, but I think as an artistic choice it wasn't necessary. What IS necessary however is to talk about how Chuck's world implodes when Carina tells him about Sarah and Bryce. Also the perfect act transition ending right at Chuck's jaw dropping and the work boyfriend!
ACT II
I'll say it again, the back an forth with Chuck and Sarah should have been a medium close up, shoulder level straight on shot instead of the constant cuts. Seeing their reaction in real time would have been easier and it would have allowed the Weinerlicious to be maybe 15 ft smaller to not need so many cameramen rotating. "Unless talking to your boyfriend is a matter of national security, the ketchup bottles won't refill themselves". Why yes it IS a mater of national security for Sarah to talk to Chuck... also if any one of us stood up to our boss like Sarah did, I'm pretty sure we'd be fired on the spot!
Malibu is ~2hours for Echo Park with standard LA traffic. Seriously, how do girls in high heels walk down stairs; we see Carina and Sarah walking sideways so there is enough space on each step to fit their shoes. Girls, how do you do that and not fall especially with narrow staircases and 3-6inch heels! Inside the room with the stone there is a bust of Cesare, archenemies, da vinci, and biblical David. There is also some famous paintings the best of which is Vemieer's "young girl with a pearl earring" which is rather appropriate considering it's meaning. There is also a Van Gogh of man in a wheat field and a Monet in one shot too. If ANY of these paintings were real instead of reproductions, they would be worth millions, in fact the young girl with a pearl is estimated at 40million, which is 1.5x the sell value of the Nadan-I-Noor! If we take a look at the engineering drawing of Flash #2 on the pedestal, we would see this design creates a closed circuit around the tongs the diamond rests on; which might explain it's red hue. If a person were to touch the diamond, it would close the circuit on their body allowing the 4000volts to travel through their heart. A person can die with ~20volts, though it's usually more like 50 in most occurrences. 4000volts is enough to kill a herd of elephants and completely overkill for a person. Also the amount of power that would take is more than the city of Malibu... this is to say the trap is real, the numbers are complete nonsense; thinking lightning! Nice shot by Sarah with the plate (there are some great bloopers on this too where she misses badly)! A remote controlled jet ski... i'm not even going to calculate the nonsense for this; it's just total nonsense. Almost as much nonsense as Casey using his phone to track Carina's call. That would take minutes, even with today's technology to back trace like that and way more power than just pushing a button on a razer flip-phone from the 90's!
back at the house, Chuck i playing halo with the legendary skulls as his weapon; this is nice because in the BuyMore at the end of the episode there are dudes dressed as master chief! I really like the changing perspective here with Chuck and Morgan. Chuck's reactions remain in focus while Morgan tells a story behind him, then it switches as Chuck starts to move around until bringing both into focus for the final line "we still have each other and that's really sad". The side cut to Sarah picking locks to the hotel door is classic early 2000's TV and i'm all for it, even if it is super cheezy. BTW as someone who used to lock pick in college, that's .... not how that works, but good try. We get our Flash #3 on the diamond in Morgan's back nuclear explosions. I wonder if the refractive capability of a diamond this pure is enough to focus laser to induce fission or if the value of selling the diamond is enough to buy nuclear material on the black market? Either way, we end the act with... the man with the golden gun!
ACT III
Chuck uses Sarah's plate move against Carina, nice inter-episode call back; he's clearly watching/learning, but his aim is terrible. This was actually clever as Sarah has perfect aim for she is a professional, while Chuck is still definitely a civilian and has no aptitude for fighting. I really like both these types of simple call backs but also how seemingly throw-away lines/actions help tell the broad story of the show. Chuck talking to Carina also shows Chuck has this weird, innate aptitude to get people to re-evaluate themselves and grow internally. You can watch Carina "grow in real-time. When we get to the hotel and Carina opens her trunk first there are a few glocks, a couple rugers, and a 1911; then she switches to blades and we see some folders, some strait blades, an illegal gravity blade (still illegal today), and a kbar... nice selection! Carina, always the flirt, gives Chuck some very insightful works about the nature of being a spy, but also maybe some way to get through to Sarah.
Inside the hotel we see Carina and Sarah speaking; Carina is speaking Swedish, while Sarah replies in Polish. "Om jag slänger nycklarna till dig, kommer du tappa dem då?" which is Swedish for "If I throw you the keys, will you drop them?" Sarah answered in Polish: "Tylko jak rzucisz jak twoja mamusia", which means "Only if you throw it like your mommy". This is just great!
I want to talk about how fast Chuck managed to find an address for DC, print a label, open a box, put the label on, and get the diamond there all before the door gets broken. Somehow on screen time this is like 10seconds, but in real life this would have to be like 3minutes minimum? Either that door is remarkably strong or... TV magic??
ACT IV
Even with all the flirting, as we say goodbye to Carina >! for now !< she is still joking with Casey and every the professional. I like how they show when it's "game time" it's all about the job, but spys can be people too! Carina still calls Sarah's life boring #3 (the common trifecta of episode repeats).
Sarah's face when Chuck brings the pizza with no olives is the reason I think Yvonne makes the perfect Sarah. She exudes the hidden beauty needed and has the acting to so such emotion for Chuck being sweet. The whole scene with Chuck and Sarah asking questions, then Chuck backing off, then Sarah acting stoic like she WANTS to open up but doesn't know if she can really trust Chuck, is ready to move on from Bryce, and should for the nature of her job. This was probably the most well acted 20seconds of the entire episode. Finally, we hear Sarah's middle name is Lisa. Now we never officially know if Chuck hears this or not both due to camera focus and distance, it's never officially confirmed in the entire show. When the intersect is updated in season 4 we see Sarah's picture and it lists Lisa as a middle name, so we assume it's official, but it's never confirmed at any point. Finally, I really like how they end the episode with Sarah closing her eyes as the fade to black.
Few notes: There are 5 official songs in this episode:
I think this was a great episode and really showcased what they can do when additional cast members join the team and when they are not afraid to play with perspective. Mimi as Carina is a great addition to the ensemble and I wish we saw her more, but every time she drops in, it's always a wild episode and it's fantastic. Watching Chuck learn about Sarah and seeing Sarah start to open up is a good way forward and heck Casey had some of the best humor in the episode. Overall, it was fast paced, had some nice character development, as funny in the best way, and moved the main theme along, 8/10.
submitted by arvarnargul to chuck [link] [comments]
Intro: In a series of reviews that will begin (or return) here; we are going to try and take a critical look at the Chuck series, especially the unfolding of the story as scene through the teleplay. In this case we are assuming multiple things about a potential watcher:
- The watcher is new to the series and does not know about future episodes, but there is an expectation any previous episodes have been watched.
- I will try not to point information out that becomes important for later episodes, though there may be times it's important because of how episodes are filmed and how episodes string together, I will however try and hide these behind a spoiler tag. I say this as a person who has watched Chuck dozens of times, so if I inadvertently spoiler, sorry.
- I will do my best to point out interesting references that are hidden within the Chuck universe, but not at the expense of extended expositions unless in-depth analysis is necessary as it relates to the scene.
So, don't freak out, and lets get started.
Chuck 01x04 (Chuck vs the Wookiee): TEASER - We open with the gang playing "Know Ya!", which isn't actually a real board game, but based on the game Paddles. It's amazing that Morgan can't stand Ellie/Awesome being in love/winning, but marches triumphantly whenever he gets a question correct. I also like we see, in frame, Chuck watching Sarah pick off olives; he's beginning to notice things just like a real spy. The deep sadness and yet storied confliction on Chuck's face when he discovers Peaches 1 and Peaches 2 was great.
For those who don't know about dogs:
- A cocker spaniel is typically smaller; by ~5inches and up to 30lbs lighter than a springer spaniel.
- Springer spaniels also have shorter fur across their bodies, with feathered hair under their chests and legs.
- Only a cocker spaniel will be solid colored
- Springer spaniels have longer muzzles, while cockers have fluffier ears.
As they end the game and exit to the courtyard, there teleplay of Chuck does something I've been wanting to see forever; they switch perspective to keep both characters in camera and follow them around from a 3rd perspective. We know this is supposed to indicate they are being watched, but I really enjoy getting to see them together reacting and talking instead of the constant close-ups and cuts. Normally Chuck will be shot with something between a medium close up (MCU) and Medium Shot (MS) to emphasize their characters and highlight their faces and expressions. This works really well because Chuck's cameras are typically either shoulder level or hip level based on the operators moving through their space. In many more modern TV shows, the technology of boom cranes and gyroscopic gimbals allows for content to be show from ground level to overhead giving directors the opportunity to tell their story through a variety of shifting profiles. If Chuck were shot today, we would see everything from full body shots all the way to extreme closeups without the need for continual jump-cuts and re-shoots because the technology is there. At least for this episode, it's nice to see the director explore more hip/knee level motion and more cowboy framed shots when having a distant observer perspective. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/types-of-camera-shots-sizes-in-film/ does a fantastic breakdown of all the different shot type and camera perspectives for you want to read more!
As we transition into Sarah's hotel room, did anyone pick up on how NICE this is? She has double sinks, a king bed, a sitting mirror, free standing tub, and a great view. I doubt any agency in the "real world" would ever spring for something like this for multiple years for one of their agents, it's fancy! Enter Carina, tell me, who saw Sarah fight with a soap sock and think of iCarly and the famous "butter sock". Also during this fight, why is Sarah wearing a golden bikini? I know she is about to get into the shower, but what plausible reason is there for her to a) wear a bikini at all and b) it to be a bright golden yellow?? If you slow this fight scene way down, you will notice Yvonne's strikes actually come close to hitting Mimi as she has had a lot of training, whereas Mimi's strikes are miles from Yvonne and she just over-acts their impact. The most noticeable is the kick into her table, Sarah goes flying back, but we can tell from the angle, Carina missed her by a good 2 ft. This was just some sloppy editing and not getting the camera into position. I give it a pass because you have probably 3 camera operators wearing stabilized camera rigs trying to rotate around a room with 2 girls fighting and they just missed the angle by like 2 feet. I did really like at the end of the fight Carina had the option to go for the gun but instead went for the fish. If you didn't know they were not enemies before, this should have been a big clue! Carina calls Sarah's life in LA boring #1
ACT I
Carina aka: Maria Elena Argalberdi was born Jun 16, 1978 in Alberdi Argentina with a Buenos Aires passport. Maria Elena is actually the name of a famous song in Mexico and eventually had a movie. This Chuck learns on Flash #1 and is the precursor to meeting the general for the first time. I know I've mentioned this before, but to reiterate; the pictures in Casey's apartment are all wrong; he has photos of Chuck and Morgan that don't happen until season 5 (lost footage) he has a map of Echo Park and Malibu already on display, and he has tactical information for each member of the Buy More (which he has no reason for at this time). It is interesting they talk about an opium cartel in Afghanistan as Afghanistan is known for it's huge poppy fields for heroin drug money.
The NADAN-I-NOOR diamond:
- The Nadan-I-Noor diamond has never been known to be bought or sold and ha only changed owners as a result of theft, conquest, or endowment
- It's listed as having 57 facets + 16 facets on girdle = 73. A facet is comparable with the brilliance of a diamond and is really the flat surfaces of a gemstone arranged in a geometrical pattern. In this case it helps characterize the refraction of light through the diamond interior. The girdle i the outer edge of a diamond surface, having 16 faces is quite large, as the girdle is the largest section of a gem, but also the thinnest when viewed from the side. In this case, having 73 facets puts the Nadan-I-Noor in either the Princess-Cut Diamond or Radiant Cut Diamond category, which are also the most expensive as they have the most possible facets.
- having 4-fold, mirror-image symmetry refers to how the light reflects internally to the diamond and indicates there are no impurities within the crystalline structure.
- interestingly a purity rating is not given, i would expect something like a F or IF (flawless/internally flawless) for a diamond described like this, but one isn't provided.
- the angles of incidence just describe the best way for light to enterefract from the diamond, these numbers are fake, but the metric is real
- there is a lot of sanscript written around the diamond markings, I can't figure out what if anything it means it looks like repeated nonsense
- could be a nod to the Koh-i-noor or "mountain of light" diamond, although this one in Persian is the "fool of light".
On the Nerd Herd call with Carina, she opens a bottle of wine with a butter knife. This is actually a pretty famous thing that is done all over the world with everything from a key to a saber. In fact they make a specially type of knife with an extra wide blade for this it Italy. I do want to ask the question; is Carina dressed in red lingerie (Chuck's favorite color she stole from Sarah) really necessary for this scene? I know that Carina is all about improvising and she often uses her sexuality to progress her cause (Casey), but I think we could have gotten away with just the top. I can certainly see the rationalization for going this far, but I think as an artistic choice it wasn't necessary. What IS necessary however is to talk about how Chuck's world implodes when Carina tells him about Sarah and Bryce. Also the perfect act transition ending right at Chuck's jaw dropping and the work boyfriend!
ACT II
I'll say it again, the back an forth with Chuck and Sarah should have been a medium close up, shoulder level straight on shot instead of the constant cuts. Seeing their reaction in real time would have been easier and it would have allowed the Weinerlicious to be maybe 15 ft smaller to not need so many cameramen rotating. "Unless talking to your boyfriend is a matter of national security, the ketchup bottles won't refill themselves". Why yes it IS a mater of national security for Sarah to talk to Chuck... also if any one of us stood up to our boss like Sarah did, I'm pretty sure we'd be fired on the spot!
Malibu is ~2hours for Echo Park with standard LA traffic. Seriously, how do girls in high heels walk down stairs; we see Carina and Sarah walking sideways so there is enough space on each step to fit their shoes. Girls, how do you do that and not fall especially with narrow staircases and 3-6inch heels! Inside the room with the stone there is a bust of Cesare, archenemies, da vinci, and biblical David. There is also some famous paintings the best of which is Vemieer's "young girl with a pearl earring" which is rather appropriate considering it's meaning. There is also a Van Gogh of man in a wheat field and a Monet in one shot too. If ANY of these paintings were real instead of reproductions, they would be worth millions, in fact the young girl with a pearl is estimated at 40million, which is 1.5x the sell value of the Nadan-I-Noor! If we take a look at the engineering drawing of Flash #2 on the pedestal, we would see this design creates a closed circuit around the tongs the diamond rests on; which might explain it's red hue. If a person were to touch the diamond, it would close the circuit on their body allowing the 4000volts to travel through their heart. A person can die with ~20volts, though it's usually more like 50 in most occurrences. 4000volts is enough to kill a herd of elephants and completely overkill for a person. Also the amount of power that would take is more than the city of Malibu... this is to say the trap is real, the numbers are complete nonsense; thinking lightning! Nice shot by Sarah with the plate (there are some great bloopers on this too where she misses badly)! A remote controlled jet ski... i'm not even going to calculate the nonsense for this; it's just total nonsense. Almost as much nonsense as Casey using his phone to track Carina's call. That would take minutes, even with today's technology to back trace like that and way more power than just pushing a button on a razer flip-phone from the 90's!
back at the house, Chuck i playing halo with the legendary skulls as his weapon; this is nice because in the BuyMore at the end of the episode there are dudes dressed as master chief! I really like the changing perspective here with Chuck and Morgan. Chuck's reactions remain in focus while Morgan tells a story behind him, then it switches as Chuck starts to move around until bringing both into focus for the final line "we still have each other and that's really sad". The side cut to Sarah picking locks to the hotel door is classic early 2000's TV and i'm all for it, even if it is super cheezy. BTW as someone who used to lock pick in college, that's .... not how that works, but good try. We get our Flash #3 on the diamond in Morgan's back nuclear explosions. I wonder if the refractive capability of a diamond this pure is enough to focus laser to induce fission or if the value of selling the diamond is enough to buy nuclear material on the black market? Either way, we end the act with... the man with the golden gun!
ACT III
Chuck uses Sarah's plate move against Carina, nice inter-episode call back; he's clearly watching/learning, but his aim is terrible. This was actually clever as Sarah has perfect aim for she is a professional, while Chuck is still definitely a civilian and has no aptitude for fighting. I really like both these types of simple call backs but also how seemingly throw-away lines/actions help tell the broad story of the show. Chuck talking to Carina also shows Chuck has this weird, innate aptitude to get people to re-evaluate themselves and grow internally. You can watch Carina "grow in real-time. When we get to the hotel and Carina opens her trunk first there are a few glocks, a couple rugers, and a 1911; then she switches to blades and we see some folders, some strait blades, an illegal gravity blade (still illegal today), and a kbar... nice selection! Carina, always the flirt, gives Chuck some very insightful works about the nature of being a spy, but also maybe some way to get through to Sarah.
Inside the hotel we see Carina and Sarah speaking; Carina is speaking Swedish, while Sarah replies in Polish. "Om jag slänger nycklarna till dig, kommer du tappa dem då?" which is Swedish for "If I throw you the keys, will you drop them?" Sarah answered in Polish: "Tylko jak rzucisz jak twoja mamusia", which means "Only if you throw it like your mommy". This is just great!
I want to talk about how fast Chuck managed to find an address for DC, print a label, open a box, put the label on, and get the diamond there all before the door gets broken. Somehow on screen time this is like 10seconds, but in real life this would have to be like 3minutes minimum? Either that door is remarkably strong or... TV magic??
ACT IV
Even with all the flirting, as we say goodbye to Carina >! for now !< she is still joking with Casey and every the professional. I like how they show when it's "game time" it's all about the job, but spys can be people too! Carina still calls Sarah's life boring #3 (the common trifecta of episode repeats).
Sarah's face when Chuck brings the pizza with no olives is the reason I think Yvonne makes the perfect Sarah. She exudes the hidden beauty needed and has the acting to so such emotion for Chuck being sweet. The whole scene with Chuck and Sarah asking questions, then Chuck backing off, then Sarah acting stoic like she WANTS to open up but doesn't know if she can really trust Chuck, is ready to move on from Bryce, and should for the nature of her job. This was probably the most well acted 20seconds of the entire episode. Finally, we hear Sarah's middle name is Lisa. Now we never officially know if Chuck hears this or not both due to camera focus and distance, it's never officially confirmed in the entire show. When the intersect is updated in season 4 we see Sarah's picture and it lists Lisa as a middle name, so we assume it's official, but it's never confirmed at any point. Finally, I really like how they end the episode with Sarah closing her eyes as the fade to black.
Few notes: There are 5 official songs in this episode:
- "Yea Yeah" by Matt and Kim - when the gang is playing board games during group date night. This song is about not worrying about the things you cannot change. Little things that build up and bum you out that you need to just let go.
- "Wild Girl" Matt Pond PA - Chuck and Morgan discussing their relationship problems. This song is about overcoming past struggles and finding hope in the present and future. Describing a sense of resilience and optimism
- "weird science" by does it offend you - Chuck and Carina talk at Peyman' Malibu Compound. This is a remind to break free and embrace individuality and live on your own terms. Be unapologetically ourselves.
- Shy by Mathew Dear - the double date
- "Fall into place" the apartment - the team say's goodby to Carina. Deals with growing up, taking (or not taking) chances. finding oneself in the unpredictability of life. I have to say, we don't actually hear the lyrics to any of these songs during the episode just the melody, but I don't really appreciate the music choices here. I feel like there were better options at key points, so that's a miss from me.
- On the DVD for Season One the word Wookiee is spelled incorrectly, leaving off the last E.
- "It used to be titled "Chuck Versus the Speedo" because the main bad guy in this show is this dude who wears a Speedo all the time. Then when the casting guy realized he had a good amount -- and by good, I mean healthy, a healthy amount of body hair -- they thought, why not call it "Chuck vs. the Wookiee". So it's this guy who's got this diamond, and we're trying to heist the diamond and all hell breaks loose." ―Zachary Levi quoted by Access Hollywood discussing this episode's title
I think this was a great episode and really showcased what they can do when additional cast members join the team and when they are not afraid to play with perspective. Mimi as Carina is a great addition to the ensemble and I wish we saw her more, but every time she drops in, it's always a wild episode and it's fantastic. Watching Chuck learn about Sarah and seeing Sarah start to open up is a good way forward and heck Casey had some of the best humor in the episode. Overall, it was fast paced, had some nice character development, as funny in the best way, and moved the main theme along, 8/10.
2024.06.02 05:07 howimini Can I turn off downloading photos over cellular network on iMessage
I’m going to be traveling with family soon for 2 months and will be relying on cellular data for that period. I ran out of data early on last time because people keep spamming my family iMessage group with photos and videos. Is there a way to block these until I get back to the hotel and use their wifi? Preferably if I could just block it off for my family group chats so I can still receive photos from other people on iMessage. Thank you
Edit: I’m using the iPhone 13 Mini and up-to-date with iOS updates
submitted by howimini to iphonehelp [link] [comments]
Edit: I’m using the iPhone 13 Mini and up-to-date with iOS updates
2024.06.02 04:50 Over-Row-7572 Debilitating Hand Pain at Night After Parties - Any Tips?
Just joined this group - I was diagnosed with RA in 2003, Lupus in 2007 and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease in 2018. About 5 years ago I started having debilitating bouts of hand pain (and less often, foot pain) and I cannot figure out how to prevent them or at least mitigate them. Nothing I’ve tried seems to relieve it, I alternate heat and cold, try to destress, take pain meds and temporarily up my prednisone dose to try to ease the pain. It usually starts in the evening and rapidly worsens at night in either or both hands at once. The only pattern I’ve noticed is that these bouts tend to happen after a big event. Not exclusively but I have many examples of this - my wedding night, wedding reception night, hosting holiday dinners etc. So, I guess it is some sort of stress response but I’d like to figure out strategies to prevent them from getting so bad. They are TERRIBLE! The pain is so bad and my hands are so tender that I can’t do anything with them, can’t open doors or even touch anything sometimes. I had a work party last night at my house and had a bad flare in both hands, so bad that it is almost 8 pm the day after and I am only now able to type this on my phone. All this pain but the visible swelling in my hands and wrists is relatively minor.
If anyone experiences this and has any tips or tricks please let me know! I love entertaining but have had so many nights/days after ruined. What gives? Any tips from fellow sufferers are appreciated!
submitted by Over-Row-7572 to rheumatoidarthritis [link] [comments]
If anyone experiences this and has any tips or tricks please let me know! I love entertaining but have had so many nights/days after ruined. What gives? Any tips from fellow sufferers are appreciated!
2024.06.02 04:50 PolarBearChewChew My wife (47f) was acting strange last year, and after New Year's, and walked out on me (48m) after over 20 years being married. Was she cheating on me?
Let me preface this with the past 5 years summarized.
My wife used to smoke when I met her. She smoked when we were married, and for many years after. Due to health concerns, she decided to quit, and did so sometime around 2013.
We used to go away on holidays together as a family. In 2016 I took our son (13 at the time) on a road trip across a lot of the South and Western US States (CO, TX, UT, AZ, NM) while she went to another city to spend time with her daughter from another relationship. Since then, we did not go on holidays or take vacation together at the same time.
In 2017 I went away with our son, and again in 2018 and 2019. Sometime around 2019 I noticed my wife was smoking again, but I decided not to bother her about it, just let it be. I didn't say anything. She would leave to go to the store to smoke, because who goes to the store 2x every day?
She got into the car cruise nights and she would take her daughter along with her. Our son would ask to go, and she would often say no, she had already promised her daughter. Sometimes she would let him go.
She never wanted me to go with her, and in fact said so with excuses all the time ("you don't like sitting in my car, you don't like being around other people a lot, you should have fun with our son playing games instead" you name it). In the fall of 2022, our son told her that we knew she was smoking, when I wasn't home. So at first the nightly shopping trips ceased, as she began smoking outside on the street.
In 2023, for our anniversary, I got her a present and sent her a nice text. She thanked me by text, and didn't do or say anything in return. For my birthday, she didn't get me a card, or a gift. For father's day, same thing, no card, nothing. I had asked her to go away with me on a trip, and she said no. So I took our son on another trip. We had to come home 4 days early because we got sick, and she was upset we arrived early. She had taken the same period off for her holidays without telling me, and was mad that she was off work when I would also be off work and at home.
For her birthday, she didn't want me to do anything or even take her out, and instead went out by herself on a cruise night. At least she said she was going by herself, I didn't verify.
I should mention that during our whole relationship, I have always shared my phone location with her, but she has never shared hers with me, even though I've asked. She said she doesn't trust location services on the phone and so didn't want to use it. Okay, fine. She never would let me see her phone, and she had a passcode she never wanted me to see. Also, we had ceased having any sex sometime around 2018, and stopped kissing each other shortly after.
In the fall of 2023, she wanted to go to a cruise happening in another city, one state over. I said I'd like to go, and it seemed like she wasn't pleased but also not showing it. I could just have been reading that wrong. We went, and checked in to our hotel for the night, and she sat on the couch beside me on her phone for hours. I tried talking and she didn't want to engage. I tried rubbing her back, and touching her and it was like touching a dead person, with no response. When I finally said that I thought maybe we could make love, she said she was too tired for that.
The next day, I told her I wanted to make love to her, and she said she would have to shower first, and when she came out of the shower, we made love. But it was different than it used to be.
She started going out again to the store more frequently, and then it became just going for a drive, or going for a walk after a drive, or just sitting in her car in some random parking lot for 6 hours listening to music (so she said).
Just before Christmas, she went to the car club dinner, and said I wasn't invited so I couldn't go along.
On New Year's Eve, she told me after supper, at 7pm, that she was going to a party that her friend was hosting, and that she wanted to go alone. I was quite upset over this, but didn't say anything. I just let her go, while I sat at home and cried.
The next week, she asked me to book a hotel room for her for middle of January, as she was taking a week of holidays. I was upset, wondering where this was leading, but I did it for her.
After her first night, I texted her and asked how she slept, and she said she didn't sleep well, was up at midnight because car alarms were going off in the parking lot, and she didn't get back to sleep until after 2:30am.
Our anniversary came, and I got her a gift, and sent her a text. She simply said "thank you for the gift" but nothing else. It seemed off, but not like this wasn't a trend. It was just, becoming more distant and off.
From the hotel stay, through until the end of February, she would be out for at least 4-6 hours every single night and the entire weekends. It was drinking with the girls from work (something she never did before) to coffee with a certain friend (we'll call her Nettie), out for a drive, etc. In the beginning of February, our son needed to go to the hospital, and he had texted her to take him, because I had already taken him 4 times in the prior 2 months. She showed up at home to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, she was texting someone, with her phone held at an angle so he couldn't see. Several times they almost hit another car or went into the ditch.
Finally he shouted at her "who is so important that you're texting, that you're willing to kill us over?" and she angrily just slammed her phone down and said nothing.
On February 29, in the afternoon, she sent me an email that she was separating from me. I didn't see it until 7pm. She came home from work at around 6, and was really weird. I guess she didn't know I hadn't seen it yet. We decided on supper, and she went out to get the food and bring it home. While she was out, I saw the email.
She never gave me any reason why. Here was her email:
I began trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I started looking at the phone bills, something I had never done before. I reversed phone numbers she had called, and then saw that during the time she was at the hotel, she had zero phone calls, except for one. She received a call at 11:30pm on the first night she was staying there, The same night she mentioned she was awakened by car alarms when I asked how her night was.
Why did she get a phone call at 11:30pm, who was it? Why no other calls for the rest of her stay? People she would talk to knew she was away? She would typically have at least 3-5 calls minimum every single day on her phone.
Unfortunately, incoming calls don't have a call number listed, just that it is incoming. The call lasted for 2 minutes.
While she was 'separated' from me, but still living in the same home, she would not talk to me. At all. One evening, a few weeks after the divorce filing, she was texting someone, and at 9pm she went to bed. Half hour later she got up, and went out the door, and was gone for 2 hours, returning at 11:30pm, going straight to bed. Something she had never done before.
I was blindsided and struck by this separation, and then divorce. I mean, our marriage wasn't great for years, no sex, no intimacy, no "love", but I had figured she just needed some space. I gave her space.
One thing that happened 3 weeks before she separated from me, our son came to me, and told me that his mom was acting really weird for the past while. He said he had some ideas, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to be wrong. I told him I already had ideas, and I had already talked to friends who gave me their opinion, and just spit it out. He said he thought she was cheating on me, and that it was possibly someone from the car cruise group. He told me about the texting incident while driving to the hospital.
Additionally, he told me the first time she took him to the car group, she told him MANY times "you don't have to worry about me, all of these people are married". He said at one point "why are you telling me that?" and she said "well, I didn't want you to think I'm seeing other people behind your dad's back".
On top of this, I had started checking up on her when she would say where she was going. And she wasn't going there. She said she went for coffee at a coworker's house, and when I went for a drive while she was there, I found she wasn't there. She also had texted me at least 8 times that she was going to see Nettie for coffee. Which is funny because I ran into Nettie a few weeks ago, and Nettie hadn't seen her since last summer, when my wife betrayed her trust somehow and walked out on their friendship.
Was my wife cheating on me? She refuses to talk to me. She is telling people lies, like saying that I came to the hotel and checked up on her while she was there, telling the front desk people to "call him if anyone goes to his wife's room". She has told people I know that I had accused her of cheating on me, and I wasn't trusting her, etc.
Is she just done with our marriage? I think it all fell apart 5 years ago, but I'm not entirely sure. The way she was with me, and at home was nearly the same until the day she gave me a separation email, as it was for the prior 5 years. Was she faking it for 5 years?
In the meantime, she has turned her daughter away from me. She and our son went out for the afternoon a couple of months ago, and she told him "isn't it so shitty what dad did to mom?". I didn't do anything... I don't get it.
If she comes crawling back to me, I will not get back together with her. She has proven now that she is 100% untrustworthy. And without trust, there can be no relationship.
submitted by PolarBearChewChew to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
My wife used to smoke when I met her. She smoked when we were married, and for many years after. Due to health concerns, she decided to quit, and did so sometime around 2013.
We used to go away on holidays together as a family. In 2016 I took our son (13 at the time) on a road trip across a lot of the South and Western US States (CO, TX, UT, AZ, NM) while she went to another city to spend time with her daughter from another relationship. Since then, we did not go on holidays or take vacation together at the same time.
In 2017 I went away with our son, and again in 2018 and 2019. Sometime around 2019 I noticed my wife was smoking again, but I decided not to bother her about it, just let it be. I didn't say anything. She would leave to go to the store to smoke, because who goes to the store 2x every day?
She got into the car cruise nights and she would take her daughter along with her. Our son would ask to go, and she would often say no, she had already promised her daughter. Sometimes she would let him go.
She never wanted me to go with her, and in fact said so with excuses all the time ("you don't like sitting in my car, you don't like being around other people a lot, you should have fun with our son playing games instead" you name it). In the fall of 2022, our son told her that we knew she was smoking, when I wasn't home. So at first the nightly shopping trips ceased, as she began smoking outside on the street.
In 2023, for our anniversary, I got her a present and sent her a nice text. She thanked me by text, and didn't do or say anything in return. For my birthday, she didn't get me a card, or a gift. For father's day, same thing, no card, nothing. I had asked her to go away with me on a trip, and she said no. So I took our son on another trip. We had to come home 4 days early because we got sick, and she was upset we arrived early. She had taken the same period off for her holidays without telling me, and was mad that she was off work when I would also be off work and at home.
For her birthday, she didn't want me to do anything or even take her out, and instead went out by herself on a cruise night. At least she said she was going by herself, I didn't verify.
I should mention that during our whole relationship, I have always shared my phone location with her, but she has never shared hers with me, even though I've asked. She said she doesn't trust location services on the phone and so didn't want to use it. Okay, fine. She never would let me see her phone, and she had a passcode she never wanted me to see. Also, we had ceased having any sex sometime around 2018, and stopped kissing each other shortly after.
In the fall of 2023, she wanted to go to a cruise happening in another city, one state over. I said I'd like to go, and it seemed like she wasn't pleased but also not showing it. I could just have been reading that wrong. We went, and checked in to our hotel for the night, and she sat on the couch beside me on her phone for hours. I tried talking and she didn't want to engage. I tried rubbing her back, and touching her and it was like touching a dead person, with no response. When I finally said that I thought maybe we could make love, she said she was too tired for that.
The next day, I told her I wanted to make love to her, and she said she would have to shower first, and when she came out of the shower, we made love. But it was different than it used to be.
She started going out again to the store more frequently, and then it became just going for a drive, or going for a walk after a drive, or just sitting in her car in some random parking lot for 6 hours listening to music (so she said).
Just before Christmas, she went to the car club dinner, and said I wasn't invited so I couldn't go along.
On New Year's Eve, she told me after supper, at 7pm, that she was going to a party that her friend was hosting, and that she wanted to go alone. I was quite upset over this, but didn't say anything. I just let her go, while I sat at home and cried.
The next week, she asked me to book a hotel room for her for middle of January, as she was taking a week of holidays. I was upset, wondering where this was leading, but I did it for her.
After her first night, I texted her and asked how she slept, and she said she didn't sleep well, was up at midnight because car alarms were going off in the parking lot, and she didn't get back to sleep until after 2:30am.
Our anniversary came, and I got her a gift, and sent her a text. She simply said "thank you for the gift" but nothing else. It seemed off, but not like this wasn't a trend. It was just, becoming more distant and off.
From the hotel stay, through until the end of February, she would be out for at least 4-6 hours every single night and the entire weekends. It was drinking with the girls from work (something she never did before) to coffee with a certain friend (we'll call her Nettie), out for a drive, etc. In the beginning of February, our son needed to go to the hospital, and he had texted her to take him, because I had already taken him 4 times in the prior 2 months. She showed up at home to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, she was texting someone, with her phone held at an angle so he couldn't see. Several times they almost hit another car or went into the ditch.
Finally he shouted at her "who is so important that you're texting, that you're willing to kill us over?" and she angrily just slammed her phone down and said nothing.
On February 29, in the afternoon, she sent me an email that she was separating from me. I didn't see it until 7pm. She came home from work at around 6, and was really weird. I guess she didn't know I hadn't seen it yet. We decided on supper, and she went out to get the food and bring it home. While she was out, I saw the email.
She never gave me any reason why. Here was her email:
I have been unhappy for such a long time, and nothing seems to help us improve our relationship. I am sorry to say this, but this relationship isn’t bringing out the best in either of us so I’ve decided that I want to separate with the intention of reconciliation.After this, she began asking me questions over several days about things, accounts, etc., and I reasoned she was seeing a lawyer. So I made an appointment and saw a lawyer, and we drafted a letter to send to her. In the meantime, before receiving that letter, she filed for divorce, with no possibility of reconciliation, and she filed to take all of my assets, and for a restraining and protection order. She filed to take the house, and have exclusive access to it, etc.
I feel like I don’t have any space in our house. I mentioned using the 2nd bedroom for my painting and you said right away that you wanted to use it. I stopped even trying to do this.
I would like for you to take care of yourself and get some answers regarding your health and wellness.
Some of the steps I am taking include:
I am currently looking for a place of my own, so we both have space to work on our own stuff. I need time to reflect on myself and discover who I am again. I’m looking for peace within myself and feel I need to do this on my own.
I have opened my own account and my next pay check will be deposited into this account.
I am seeing a counselor.
In restarting our journey, I support your promise to clean up the basement and to sell the stuff. I am also hurting at this time, we both need to heal so we can continue.
I think it's best if we communicate through email for now. I will respond within 24 hours.
I began trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I started looking at the phone bills, something I had never done before. I reversed phone numbers she had called, and then saw that during the time she was at the hotel, she had zero phone calls, except for one. She received a call at 11:30pm on the first night she was staying there, The same night she mentioned she was awakened by car alarms when I asked how her night was.
Why did she get a phone call at 11:30pm, who was it? Why no other calls for the rest of her stay? People she would talk to knew she was away? She would typically have at least 3-5 calls minimum every single day on her phone.
Unfortunately, incoming calls don't have a call number listed, just that it is incoming. The call lasted for 2 minutes.
While she was 'separated' from me, but still living in the same home, she would not talk to me. At all. One evening, a few weeks after the divorce filing, she was texting someone, and at 9pm she went to bed. Half hour later she got up, and went out the door, and was gone for 2 hours, returning at 11:30pm, going straight to bed. Something she had never done before.
I was blindsided and struck by this separation, and then divorce. I mean, our marriage wasn't great for years, no sex, no intimacy, no "love", but I had figured she just needed some space. I gave her space.
One thing that happened 3 weeks before she separated from me, our son came to me, and told me that his mom was acting really weird for the past while. He said he had some ideas, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to be wrong. I told him I already had ideas, and I had already talked to friends who gave me their opinion, and just spit it out. He said he thought she was cheating on me, and that it was possibly someone from the car cruise group. He told me about the texting incident while driving to the hospital.
Additionally, he told me the first time she took him to the car group, she told him MANY times "you don't have to worry about me, all of these people are married". He said at one point "why are you telling me that?" and she said "well, I didn't want you to think I'm seeing other people behind your dad's back".
On top of this, I had started checking up on her when she would say where she was going. And she wasn't going there. She said she went for coffee at a coworker's house, and when I went for a drive while she was there, I found she wasn't there. She also had texted me at least 8 times that she was going to see Nettie for coffee. Which is funny because I ran into Nettie a few weeks ago, and Nettie hadn't seen her since last summer, when my wife betrayed her trust somehow and walked out on their friendship.
Was my wife cheating on me? She refuses to talk to me. She is telling people lies, like saying that I came to the hotel and checked up on her while she was there, telling the front desk people to "call him if anyone goes to his wife's room". She has told people I know that I had accused her of cheating on me, and I wasn't trusting her, etc.
Is she just done with our marriage? I think it all fell apart 5 years ago, but I'm not entirely sure. The way she was with me, and at home was nearly the same until the day she gave me a separation email, as it was for the prior 5 years. Was she faking it for 5 years?
In the meantime, she has turned her daughter away from me. She and our son went out for the afternoon a couple of months ago, and she told him "isn't it so shitty what dad did to mom?". I didn't do anything... I don't get it.
If she comes crawling back to me, I will not get back together with her. She has proven now that she is 100% untrustworthy. And without trust, there can be no relationship.
2024.06.02 04:36 LilBoot95 Can I do anything if I have recordings of someone threatening to hurt me?
Apologies for being a bit vague in the title and using up space in the first few lines. This person uses reddit and I don't want them to accidentally stumble across this, since I can't use a brand new account.
More info: we live in the state of NV, and my spouse has two DV charges. One against me and one against their parent. They have numerous other charges as well in case thats relevant. I believe the DV charge involving me was dropped; he did spend a week in jail and had to take classes etc., but I don't know all the details on what happened after. The police have been called on him by me, our old neighbor, and he even accidentally called on himself when he was drunk and trying to get me pulled over (for driving safely) but screamed at me so much that several cop cars showed up to make sure I was okay. In short, the police know his name. I've also lied to the police to keep him safe. Every time they've shown up and I've lied, I get beaten worse and have no escape. He takes my phone, hides my keys, and blocks me in a room where I can't get out until I've "calmed down." He's gotten better about making sure I don't have access to a phone or way out before the beatings start because I think he knows I won't lie for him anymore.
I have recordings of him threatening to beat me. I have a recording somewhere in the mix if I look hard enough of him threatening to release my pets as well (ergo killing them). I have nowhere to go currently. I'm in school and I have a job here that I need to stay on good terms with if I'm going to make my escape plan happen. I plan on moving to another state. I've already applied to the school there and I've applied for an apartment.
The problem is that I don't know if I've been accepted into any of these places yet, and I can't go until after my summer class ends in July. I also need to work full time for a few weeks after to save up enough for the move. He has nothing going on here. No job, no classes, just instigating fights, calling me names, and threatening my life, my home, and my pets. It's not difficult to get recordings of him making these threats. Every time I'm in the same room as him it happens. I haven't told him about my plan to leave because I know it will only make his anger worse. I'm just letting him think he has the upper hand while he waits for me to apologize (for rolling my eyes and being a c*nt, apparently).
Every time the cops have been here before, they try to rush the process by giving me DV flyers and ask if I have some place I can stay for the night. It's not fair that I have to leave when he's making the threats and hurting me. I have a job and school and pets to take care of. He has nothing. His parents pay for our home so he considers it his place even though I'm on the lease. I'm not going to leave my pets with someone who threatens to kill them and I'm not going to spend what little money I have and need to save up for the move by spending the next few months at a hotel.
There has to be something I can do, right? The lease at our place is up soon and I've already talked to our landlord about options for me if he doesn't want to renew (and move somewhere else) so I know I will have a place to stay even if he leaves. I just need to make it to that point before things get worse.
submitted by LilBoot95 to legal [link] [comments]
More info: we live in the state of NV, and my spouse has two DV charges. One against me and one against their parent. They have numerous other charges as well in case thats relevant. I believe the DV charge involving me was dropped; he did spend a week in jail and had to take classes etc., but I don't know all the details on what happened after. The police have been called on him by me, our old neighbor, and he even accidentally called on himself when he was drunk and trying to get me pulled over (for driving safely) but screamed at me so much that several cop cars showed up to make sure I was okay. In short, the police know his name. I've also lied to the police to keep him safe. Every time they've shown up and I've lied, I get beaten worse and have no escape. He takes my phone, hides my keys, and blocks me in a room where I can't get out until I've "calmed down." He's gotten better about making sure I don't have access to a phone or way out before the beatings start because I think he knows I won't lie for him anymore.
I have recordings of him threatening to beat me. I have a recording somewhere in the mix if I look hard enough of him threatening to release my pets as well (ergo killing them). I have nowhere to go currently. I'm in school and I have a job here that I need to stay on good terms with if I'm going to make my escape plan happen. I plan on moving to another state. I've already applied to the school there and I've applied for an apartment.
The problem is that I don't know if I've been accepted into any of these places yet, and I can't go until after my summer class ends in July. I also need to work full time for a few weeks after to save up enough for the move. He has nothing going on here. No job, no classes, just instigating fights, calling me names, and threatening my life, my home, and my pets. It's not difficult to get recordings of him making these threats. Every time I'm in the same room as him it happens. I haven't told him about my plan to leave because I know it will only make his anger worse. I'm just letting him think he has the upper hand while he waits for me to apologize (for rolling my eyes and being a c*nt, apparently).
Every time the cops have been here before, they try to rush the process by giving me DV flyers and ask if I have some place I can stay for the night. It's not fair that I have to leave when he's making the threats and hurting me. I have a job and school and pets to take care of. He has nothing. His parents pay for our home so he considers it his place even though I'm on the lease. I'm not going to leave my pets with someone who threatens to kill them and I'm not going to spend what little money I have and need to save up for the move by spending the next few months at a hotel.
There has to be something I can do, right? The lease at our place is up soon and I've already talked to our landlord about options for me if he doesn't want to renew (and move somewhere else) so I know I will have a place to stay even if he leaves. I just need to make it to that point before things get worse.
2024.06.02 04:31 RetroHero20 Long distance M21, F19 what should i do?
I (21)male have been dating my (19)girlfriend for over 6months now.
For a long time we have been set on her moving out to me considering I'm in college and she doesn't have it all together there in australia. She has been trynna escape her abusive environment and religion for a long time. She is in Australia and I'm in the U.S. Her mom wants to arrange her marriage and select a guy from the same religion regardless of age or compatibility. Her mom only boast about how the man has a wealthy family and is successful/spiritual. My girlfriends interactions with people has been limited because her Mom doesn't want her interacting with people outside of the religion.
She has recently lost her job because her Mom demands that she takes off for her little brothers and attends religious events. Her mom doesn't charge rent but constantly demands money for any form of transportation or help despite knowing her daughters financial state. This isnt the first job my girlfriend lost due to this, and she doesn't have a license yet because her mom refuses to take her to test or help pay for them.
I met my girlfriend on discord where she ran a server, i know shes been locked up in her room and relies on her computer and phone both of which she fully payed for including service plan. We always vid call and ive been constantly there through night after night when her mother emotionally or physically abuses her. Many times her mom talks about her to a group chat of people from the religion and they shame her.
We had a plan for her to come out for a month in August which the mom knew about, i had a feeling the mom was gonna go against it and last minute she did. She used many tactics to talk my girlfriend into holding off and threatened to disown her. Her mom broke into her phone and went through our chats. When my girlfriend learned about this it resulted in a argument where my girlfriend attempted to stay at a hotel for the night but was stopped by her mom attacking her and choking/ripping her hair and punching her on the ground.
I knew the mom broke in but with the timezonee by the time i woke up i couldn't get in contact with my girlfriend till what was 3am for her sobbing and bruised with a still bleeding nose and marks. Her mom apologized and brought her home and talked to her about how she can't marry whoever she wants.
Ik the decision to leave has recently been hard on my girlfriend because shes worried about her brothers. Her mom constantly wants her spedning money to look perfect and rly beats on her when she's not in her moms ideal physical condition which I don't get because i find her body perfect. My girlfriend has been doing a lot to get out of the house and did get drunk at a bar and raped at one point. On top of that her mom wanted her to have $500 ready ontop of doing her hair and nails to go to Thailand with her. Her mom had no consideration of her financial state when it came to a wedding too.
I've paid for a lot of these things and now its come down to my girlfriend terrified of the u.s because of what poeple and her mom fed her. She is scared to lose contact of people her mom would force to cut her off if she leaves, and just overly confused and never was taught many life skills. She really just knows cooking and cleaning which she does each day 4x.
I helped her go over the process for an interview for the last job she got and her mom complained saying shes getting nowhere, isn't going to college which is dumb because she needs money for college.
Now my girlfriend can hardly afford anything since she lost her job, and she's almost ready to go into sex work. All i can do left is beg her to come here where I'd be able to get her a work visa, citizenship, insurance, a license, a car, medical insurance (which she don't have), she would be able to study abroad, get a job and maybe take up an apprenticeship through connections. I live in my parents shore house for college, they are fine with taking her in and helping her get sorted out here. She just has nobody to go to there, the friends she has can't afford to help her.
When her Nana comes out it's a whole other hell, because the Nana is a lot harder on her. Her Nana has left but might be coming back, she wants to move out and rent but she has no financial support or job. Shes been through most jobs that don't require certification in her town and still no license. I have the money to get her out here and started but it's just too scary and looks too big on her. I would've liked to give her time but with how it's been going our relationship is going looking like dust and her life is going to shit. She already cuts herself and has almost went to nicotine which i got her off because it was going horriblly for her health. Periods which happen monthly add to her debt when she needs help.
I get moving to a new country, leaving her dog and family/friends is hard but atp she's 19 and digging a deathbed of regrets. Her mental state is all sorts of fucked from that environment. Ive done tons to be there and work things out slow with her. Her mom dont believe in disabilities and I see a clear undiagnosed case of ADHD. Prob more, she is indecisive and it seems she relies on people who keep screwing her over.
Rn she practically constantly depressed thinking it won't work, we knew her mom wouldnt allow her to marry me or come here and suddenly last minute she needed her moms approval because she's scared. She wanted to do a 2-3yr break and see what happens and i see that jst going to shit for me and her.
This relationship helped me through a lot and two of my friends deaths, I've lost many close ppl to suicides and accidents of all sorts, went through some terrible relationships and it sucks to say a girl 12,000 miles away was my perfect match despite being very social. My girlfriend can be quite the case but once shes has her time with me without interruptions she rly is worth it all. Through months all ive seen is stress and her family, bad ppl destroying that girl. Me trying to get her to leave that setting is manipulative and controlling, so idk anymore if I'm the asshole asking for too much or I'm the person who will show her a life where she'd be able to be herself and explore her interests. I just know sex work and this controlling and abusive lifestyle isn't what she wants.
submitted by RetroHero20 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
For a long time we have been set on her moving out to me considering I'm in college and she doesn't have it all together there in australia. She has been trynna escape her abusive environment and religion for a long time. She is in Australia and I'm in the U.S. Her mom wants to arrange her marriage and select a guy from the same religion regardless of age or compatibility. Her mom only boast about how the man has a wealthy family and is successful/spiritual. My girlfriends interactions with people has been limited because her Mom doesn't want her interacting with people outside of the religion.
She has recently lost her job because her Mom demands that she takes off for her little brothers and attends religious events. Her mom doesn't charge rent but constantly demands money for any form of transportation or help despite knowing her daughters financial state. This isnt the first job my girlfriend lost due to this, and she doesn't have a license yet because her mom refuses to take her to test or help pay for them.
I met my girlfriend on discord where she ran a server, i know shes been locked up in her room and relies on her computer and phone both of which she fully payed for including service plan. We always vid call and ive been constantly there through night after night when her mother emotionally or physically abuses her. Many times her mom talks about her to a group chat of people from the religion and they shame her.
We had a plan for her to come out for a month in August which the mom knew about, i had a feeling the mom was gonna go against it and last minute she did. She used many tactics to talk my girlfriend into holding off and threatened to disown her. Her mom broke into her phone and went through our chats. When my girlfriend learned about this it resulted in a argument where my girlfriend attempted to stay at a hotel for the night but was stopped by her mom attacking her and choking/ripping her hair and punching her on the ground.
I knew the mom broke in but with the timezonee by the time i woke up i couldn't get in contact with my girlfriend till what was 3am for her sobbing and bruised with a still bleeding nose and marks. Her mom apologized and brought her home and talked to her about how she can't marry whoever she wants.
Ik the decision to leave has recently been hard on my girlfriend because shes worried about her brothers. Her mom constantly wants her spedning money to look perfect and rly beats on her when she's not in her moms ideal physical condition which I don't get because i find her body perfect. My girlfriend has been doing a lot to get out of the house and did get drunk at a bar and raped at one point. On top of that her mom wanted her to have $500 ready ontop of doing her hair and nails to go to Thailand with her. Her mom had no consideration of her financial state when it came to a wedding too.
I've paid for a lot of these things and now its come down to my girlfriend terrified of the u.s because of what poeple and her mom fed her. She is scared to lose contact of people her mom would force to cut her off if she leaves, and just overly confused and never was taught many life skills. She really just knows cooking and cleaning which she does each day 4x.
I helped her go over the process for an interview for the last job she got and her mom complained saying shes getting nowhere, isn't going to college which is dumb because she needs money for college.
Now my girlfriend can hardly afford anything since she lost her job, and she's almost ready to go into sex work. All i can do left is beg her to come here where I'd be able to get her a work visa, citizenship, insurance, a license, a car, medical insurance (which she don't have), she would be able to study abroad, get a job and maybe take up an apprenticeship through connections. I live in my parents shore house for college, they are fine with taking her in and helping her get sorted out here. She just has nobody to go to there, the friends she has can't afford to help her.
When her Nana comes out it's a whole other hell, because the Nana is a lot harder on her. Her Nana has left but might be coming back, she wants to move out and rent but she has no financial support or job. Shes been through most jobs that don't require certification in her town and still no license. I have the money to get her out here and started but it's just too scary and looks too big on her. I would've liked to give her time but with how it's been going our relationship is going looking like dust and her life is going to shit. She already cuts herself and has almost went to nicotine which i got her off because it was going horriblly for her health. Periods which happen monthly add to her debt when she needs help.
I get moving to a new country, leaving her dog and family/friends is hard but atp she's 19 and digging a deathbed of regrets. Her mental state is all sorts of fucked from that environment. Ive done tons to be there and work things out slow with her. Her mom dont believe in disabilities and I see a clear undiagnosed case of ADHD. Prob more, she is indecisive and it seems she relies on people who keep screwing her over.
Rn she practically constantly depressed thinking it won't work, we knew her mom wouldnt allow her to marry me or come here and suddenly last minute she needed her moms approval because she's scared. She wanted to do a 2-3yr break and see what happens and i see that jst going to shit for me and her.
This relationship helped me through a lot and two of my friends deaths, I've lost many close ppl to suicides and accidents of all sorts, went through some terrible relationships and it sucks to say a girl 12,000 miles away was my perfect match despite being very social. My girlfriend can be quite the case but once shes has her time with me without interruptions she rly is worth it all. Through months all ive seen is stress and her family, bad ppl destroying that girl. Me trying to get her to leave that setting is manipulative and controlling, so idk anymore if I'm the asshole asking for too much or I'm the person who will show her a life where she'd be able to be herself and explore her interests. I just know sex work and this controlling and abusive lifestyle isn't what she wants.
2024.06.02 04:16 Adorable-Flamingo-56 I cheated on my BF, what can I do to make things better?
My 19M BF and I 19F have been togther for a little over 8 months and we've been friends since we were 12. For the last couple of weeks we've been in a rut because he thought I didn't love him anymore one morning before I left for 4 days. I work 2 hours away from home so my job pays me to stay near the job site so it's not like I avoided seeing him it's just my job. I cried so much that day and in the moment it felt like I was grieving a loss of the love of my life. I thought we were ending.
In the past if we had problems we would try to work through it but if he thought we were just going in circles, he'd get frustrated and leave me standing there feeling defeated. I thought for sure that when I came back home he'd be moved out and gone.
After work I went to the hotel bar to eat and just talk to anyone who'd listen when a guy came up to me and was making me feel heard and validated. We talked for over two hours and I had to get going to bed and before we split ways, the guy asked for my number. Yes I know I should of said "sorry I have a bf" but I wasn't thinking and next thing I know I was putting my number in his phone. We would text quite a bit the following weekend and that next morning he asked to grab a bite to eat. We eventually made it back to the hotel and somehow convinced me to go up to his room. We had sex, I was lost in the moment but as soon as it was over I got out of there.
I think I resent him for not having his high school diploma, and for not doing what he needs to do for us to build a life togther. He would call in to his job a few times a month while I never call in even when I'm super sick. I know it's no excuse for what I did.
This morning he heard my phone go off and he'd seen the text between the other guy and I, I woke up to him crying on the floor and he was incredibly heartbroken. I tried to make him feel validated and I explain everything and anwsered any questions he had. He said he's willing to give me a second chance but he keeps apologizing and I tell him "No please don't say that, I fucked up. I am so so sorry" I suggested couple counseling or even taking a step back but he has no interest in that. He wants me and I didn't realized how much I wanted him till I almost lost him.
How do I repair us? How can I help him realized I'm at fault and not him? I know it'll be a long time for him to ever forgive me but what can I do to make things better? Before you tell me I fucked up, I know I did and I will live with that decision forever. I will be making it up to him everyday. I don't deserve a second chance or a good guy but he's still here and I'll forever be in his debt.
submitted by Adorable-Flamingo-56 to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
In the past if we had problems we would try to work through it but if he thought we were just going in circles, he'd get frustrated and leave me standing there feeling defeated. I thought for sure that when I came back home he'd be moved out and gone.
After work I went to the hotel bar to eat and just talk to anyone who'd listen when a guy came up to me and was making me feel heard and validated. We talked for over two hours and I had to get going to bed and before we split ways, the guy asked for my number. Yes I know I should of said "sorry I have a bf" but I wasn't thinking and next thing I know I was putting my number in his phone. We would text quite a bit the following weekend and that next morning he asked to grab a bite to eat. We eventually made it back to the hotel and somehow convinced me to go up to his room. We had sex, I was lost in the moment but as soon as it was over I got out of there.
I think I resent him for not having his high school diploma, and for not doing what he needs to do for us to build a life togther. He would call in to his job a few times a month while I never call in even when I'm super sick. I know it's no excuse for what I did.
This morning he heard my phone go off and he'd seen the text between the other guy and I, I woke up to him crying on the floor and he was incredibly heartbroken. I tried to make him feel validated and I explain everything and anwsered any questions he had. He said he's willing to give me a second chance but he keeps apologizing and I tell him "No please don't say that, I fucked up. I am so so sorry" I suggested couple counseling or even taking a step back but he has no interest in that. He wants me and I didn't realized how much I wanted him till I almost lost him.
How do I repair us? How can I help him realized I'm at fault and not him? I know it'll be a long time for him to ever forgive me but what can I do to make things better? Before you tell me I fucked up, I know I did and I will live with that decision forever. I will be making it up to him everyday. I don't deserve a second chance or a good guy but he's still here and I'll forever be in his debt.
2024.06.02 03:53 SecretCabinet548 We visited Iceland - post is about traveling there with a nut allergy
Hi- just came back from Iceland two weeks ago (May 2024). My 19 year old son is ANA to peanuts and treenuts (he carries epis). He does not have an airborne allergy. We had a wonderful time – it’s such an amazing country. Here are some of my comments for you families with nut allergies planning a trip to Iceland. I'm posting this lengthy missive because I couldn't find any firsthand information before we went.
Vik : Black Crust Pizzeria. Delicious and friendly!!! While the restaurant did have nuts (as indicated in the menu), we felt comfortable with their cross contamination procedures – as the cashews and pesto were kept separate. I would have come here the next night but we just ended up having grocery store sandwiches.
Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon (about half an hour west of Jokulsarlon) – tons of nuts on the dinner menu at the lovely hotel restaurant so I wasn’t sure my son would be able to eat anything (we did have sandwiches as a backup plan) but the restaurant manager on duty (Jolanta?) and the waiter and the chef were fantastic and very open and honest with what they could or couldn’t do and what my son could or couldn’t eat. For example, instead of mashed potatoes, which they thought might be cross contaminated, they made him roasted potatoes. They told us not to have dessert (which he never does in the US either at restaurants), instead but offered a fruit plate. He ended up having a simple, but delicious, steak and potato meal. They did and said all the right things that made my allergy-brain-mom satisfied, including warning us the meal might take longer than normal since they would be extra careful (which of course, we were fine with). They actually came back twice to explain the substitutions, as they were going along. He didn’t eat at the amazing buffet next day, because buffets are practically never safe, but he had his own cereal and they gave him milk. He is very used to not being able to eat buffets, even at home, so it wasn’t an issue.
Hveragerdi -The food hall at The Greenhouse didn’t work for our needs- so many of the stalls had nuts in open containers. The fish & chip shop there even said they weren’t comfortable serving us (they weren’t being rude at all, just honest, which I appreciated) as they couldn’t prevent cross-contamination. We went across the street to Ölverk Pizza and Brewery and we felt very comfortable with their cross-contamination procedures (a few of their pizzas had nuts). Delicious, and bonus- so was the beer. They were incredibly friendly too.
Gas station/grocery store sandwiches- These were well labeled- they tasted nice- kind of like Pret-a-Manger. Check your allergens at https://somi.is/en/products/ - for example, my son could have the ham and cheese, but not the chicken/bacon/lettuce/tomato. There are several other brands as well, not just SOMI. We did see one container the last day that said “may contain”. [None of the others did say that, but did have items like Wheat, dairy, labeled in bold as an allergen. We felt safe with the sandwiches. And Skyr yogurt was delicious and he could have that (stuck with the vanilla or plain one in general) Gæti innihaldið snefil af sesamfræjum og hnetum = May contain traces of sesame seeds and nuts. We used the Google Translate app in the grocery stores as not everything was in English.
Hot dogs: In Reykjavic and Vik, son also had the famous Icelandic hotdogs as we were told no nuts or nut oil. Very tasty and contains lamb!
We ordered allergy-card pdfs from Allergy Eats in Icelandic. Everyone in Iceland spoke perfect english but we didn't want nuances about nuts to be an issue. They came in handy a few times. I will mention a lot of the staff we met spoke Russian (and also english), not Icelandic. We often used the Google Translate app on our phones.
4) We checked one bag and brought our own cereal from home for our son and tons of safe granola/protein bars from home and baked goods I made as of course none of the bakeries were safe for him. We brought a jar of sun butter and grape jelly in our suitcase. We bought ham and cheese and butter and bread and chips/crisps from the grocery stores to make sandwiches. We didn’t need the sun butter until the end of the trip but I was glad I had it as a backup. We used google translate often as not all the items had English ingredients. We did find a safe simple white bread in all the grocery stores. (Which was a treat for my son as I never buy white bread at home!). I did also bring a box of pasta from home which we used at a (lovely) guesthouse in Hella – Loa’s Nest which had communal kitchen facilities.
5) During our trip, he ate nothing that said “may contain”, to be on the safe side (we also try to avoid that at home, but perhaps not as rigorously).
6) While traditional Icelandic food doesn’t have nuts, I saw more nuts on the menu in Iceland than I am used to seeing. Unfortunately for us, we saw that many, many restaurants and food halls had open containers of nuts on their food prep counters (and therefore no real way to prevent cross contamination). We did not eat those places when we saw that. I should add that most nuts we saw were treenuts, not peanuts, so if you only have a peanut allergy, it will be easier for you I think.
7) Everywhere we stayed either had a mini kitchen, or a mini fridge or access to a fridge (Reykjavic Residence Hotel (2 nights), Loa’s Nest (1 night), Black Beach Suites (2 nights), Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon (1 night), The Greehouse (1 night) We brought a small softsided lunch bag to keep things cool between hotels. One point I should make is that nowhere we stayed had access to a freezer (the mini fridges didn’t have a freezer) and neither did the Airbnbs. I suspect if I had actually needed a freezer, I could have asked the front desk or owners of the guesthouses but we were fine without.
8) We flew Icelandair. They don’t serve items with peanuts on board but they do serve treenuts. They did make an announcement asking people not to eat items with peanuts. They were friendly. They did let us pre-board to wipe down the seats. Our flight was just 5 hours from Boston to Reyjkavik direct so just brought his own sandwiches/snacks. I would fly them again.
We loved Iceland and had an amazing time. None of this is meant to be preventative, just informative.
submitted by SecretCabinet548 to VisitingIceland [link] [comments]
- Strongly consider full travel insurance. We normally don’t get it, but we did for Iceland as they don’t have that many 24/7 hospitals once you are outside of Reykjavik and we were told the fastest transport might be medical helicopter rather than road ambulance. Basically, we went, knowing that if we had to epi him and then head to a hospital, it might be a helicopter ride, so we took full travel insurance.
- Wifi reception was fantastic for us everywhere between Reykjavik and Jokulsarlon glacier lagoon (that’s as east as we went). We paid for the Wi-Fi gadget in the car; it was useful because it is a small device and we could bring it in with us to grocery stores to use the google translate app.
- Here’s some places we ate:
Vik : Black Crust Pizzeria. Delicious and friendly!!! While the restaurant did have nuts (as indicated in the menu), we felt comfortable with their cross contamination procedures – as the cashews and pesto were kept separate. I would have come here the next night but we just ended up having grocery store sandwiches.
Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon (about half an hour west of Jokulsarlon) – tons of nuts on the dinner menu at the lovely hotel restaurant so I wasn’t sure my son would be able to eat anything (we did have sandwiches as a backup plan) but the restaurant manager on duty (Jolanta?) and the waiter and the chef were fantastic and very open and honest with what they could or couldn’t do and what my son could or couldn’t eat. For example, instead of mashed potatoes, which they thought might be cross contaminated, they made him roasted potatoes. They told us not to have dessert (which he never does in the US either at restaurants), instead but offered a fruit plate. He ended up having a simple, but delicious, steak and potato meal. They did and said all the right things that made my allergy-brain-mom satisfied, including warning us the meal might take longer than normal since they would be extra careful (which of course, we were fine with). They actually came back twice to explain the substitutions, as they were going along. He didn’t eat at the amazing buffet next day, because buffets are practically never safe, but he had his own cereal and they gave him milk. He is very used to not being able to eat buffets, even at home, so it wasn’t an issue.
Hveragerdi -The food hall at The Greenhouse didn’t work for our needs- so many of the stalls had nuts in open containers. The fish & chip shop there even said they weren’t comfortable serving us (they weren’t being rude at all, just honest, which I appreciated) as they couldn’t prevent cross-contamination. We went across the street to Ölverk Pizza and Brewery and we felt very comfortable with their cross-contamination procedures (a few of their pizzas had nuts). Delicious, and bonus- so was the beer. They were incredibly friendly too.
Gas station/grocery store sandwiches- These were well labeled- they tasted nice- kind of like Pret-a-Manger. Check your allergens at https://somi.is/en/products/ - for example, my son could have the ham and cheese, but not the chicken/bacon/lettuce/tomato. There are several other brands as well, not just SOMI. We did see one container the last day that said “may contain”. [None of the others did say that, but did have items like Wheat, dairy, labeled in bold as an allergen. We felt safe with the sandwiches. And Skyr yogurt was delicious and he could have that (stuck with the vanilla or plain one in general) Gæti innihaldið snefil af sesamfræjum og hnetum = May contain traces of sesame seeds and nuts. We used the Google Translate app in the grocery stores as not everything was in English.
Hot dogs: In Reykjavic and Vik, son also had the famous Icelandic hotdogs as we were told no nuts or nut oil. Very tasty and contains lamb!
We ordered allergy-card pdfs from Allergy Eats in Icelandic. Everyone in Iceland spoke perfect english but we didn't want nuances about nuts to be an issue. They came in handy a few times. I will mention a lot of the staff we met spoke Russian (and also english), not Icelandic. We often used the Google Translate app on our phones.
4) We checked one bag and brought our own cereal from home for our son and tons of safe granola/protein bars from home and baked goods I made as of course none of the bakeries were safe for him. We brought a jar of sun butter and grape jelly in our suitcase. We bought ham and cheese and butter and bread and chips/crisps from the grocery stores to make sandwiches. We didn’t need the sun butter until the end of the trip but I was glad I had it as a backup. We used google translate often as not all the items had English ingredients. We did find a safe simple white bread in all the grocery stores. (Which was a treat for my son as I never buy white bread at home!). I did also bring a box of pasta from home which we used at a (lovely) guesthouse in Hella – Loa’s Nest which had communal kitchen facilities.
5) During our trip, he ate nothing that said “may contain”, to be on the safe side (we also try to avoid that at home, but perhaps not as rigorously).
6) While traditional Icelandic food doesn’t have nuts, I saw more nuts on the menu in Iceland than I am used to seeing. Unfortunately for us, we saw that many, many restaurants and food halls had open containers of nuts on their food prep counters (and therefore no real way to prevent cross contamination). We did not eat those places when we saw that. I should add that most nuts we saw were treenuts, not peanuts, so if you only have a peanut allergy, it will be easier for you I think.
7) Everywhere we stayed either had a mini kitchen, or a mini fridge or access to a fridge (Reykjavic Residence Hotel (2 nights), Loa’s Nest (1 night), Black Beach Suites (2 nights), Fosshotel Glacier Lagoon (1 night), The Greehouse (1 night) We brought a small softsided lunch bag to keep things cool between hotels. One point I should make is that nowhere we stayed had access to a freezer (the mini fridges didn’t have a freezer) and neither did the Airbnbs. I suspect if I had actually needed a freezer, I could have asked the front desk or owners of the guesthouses but we were fine without.
8) We flew Icelandair. They don’t serve items with peanuts on board but they do serve treenuts. They did make an announcement asking people not to eat items with peanuts. They were friendly. They did let us pre-board to wipe down the seats. Our flight was just 5 hours from Boston to Reyjkavik direct so just brought his own sandwiches/snacks. I would fly them again.
We loved Iceland and had an amazing time. None of this is meant to be preventative, just informative.
2024.06.02 03:43 GlitteringSyllabub31 AIW for being upset that my houseguest didn’t follow through with giving me a hostess gift?
So my friend asked to stay with me for two days while she was in town for a wedding. A few days before she was set to visit (only after I reached out to her to ask what her plan was/when was she arriving, etc.) she tells me her boyfriend is actually flying in much earlier than they supposedly initially planned (originally he was supposed to fly in the day before the wedding and they were going to get a hotel). She awkwardly cornered me on this call asking if he could stay over as well. Obviously hard to say no when cornered like this so I said “no problem”.
I was a bit annoyed throughout her stay. First off, when I picked her up from the airport, she decided to get changed in the airport bathroom and had her phone on dnd and kept me waiting for 15 minutes even thought she knew I was about to arrive and it was in the middle of my workday. Then, her and her boyfriend didn’t take off their shoes in my house - I would think they’d be aware of the fact that I don’t wear shoes in my house and I have several pairs of shoes left at the door. I had texted her one of the days asking if she could take her shoes off because I had just washed the floors and she still didn’t. She then ended up staying an additional two days after her boyfriend left.
So my issue is I feel like I was taken advantage of. The 3-day stay turned into 5 plus an extra guest who showed up empty-handed. I picked her up from the airport, cooked for her, drove her and her boyfriend around town, and hosted her for longer than anticipated. She mentioned a couple times she’d get me a gift card for hosting but never followed through. She did buy me a coffee, a taco, and an ice cream, but I just feel like that was the very very least she could’ve done for me. The boyfriend never once offered anything - this guy lives at his parents house free of charge and works full time, so it’s not like he doesn’t have the means to contribute. And even if he didn’t, just offering something small (it’s the thought that counts) would’ve been fine.
Part of the onus is on me because I agreed to host additional days and an additional person, but I’m just shocked because I would never do that to someone who was hosting me.
I love my friend and was happy to spend time with her (even though I was irked at times). I have a hard time being honest about how I feel because she was appreciative throughout the trip and I think she can sometimes just be clueless. We also work together (I got her the job and she didn’t do anything for me then either lol) and I don’t want there to be friction at work for addressing this. I do feel though that I’m starting to feel resentful.
Am I being too nickel-and-dimey? I don’t know if I should bring this up to her or to let it go. She is supposed to come back in a couple months as we have concert tickets in a city a couple hours away from where I live. I think she’s assuming I can host her again but I have a one-strike rule. Pls help.
submitted by GlitteringSyllabub31 to amiwrong [link] [comments]
I was a bit annoyed throughout her stay. First off, when I picked her up from the airport, she decided to get changed in the airport bathroom and had her phone on dnd and kept me waiting for 15 minutes even thought she knew I was about to arrive and it was in the middle of my workday. Then, her and her boyfriend didn’t take off their shoes in my house - I would think they’d be aware of the fact that I don’t wear shoes in my house and I have several pairs of shoes left at the door. I had texted her one of the days asking if she could take her shoes off because I had just washed the floors and she still didn’t. She then ended up staying an additional two days after her boyfriend left.
So my issue is I feel like I was taken advantage of. The 3-day stay turned into 5 plus an extra guest who showed up empty-handed. I picked her up from the airport, cooked for her, drove her and her boyfriend around town, and hosted her for longer than anticipated. She mentioned a couple times she’d get me a gift card for hosting but never followed through. She did buy me a coffee, a taco, and an ice cream, but I just feel like that was the very very least she could’ve done for me. The boyfriend never once offered anything - this guy lives at his parents house free of charge and works full time, so it’s not like he doesn’t have the means to contribute. And even if he didn’t, just offering something small (it’s the thought that counts) would’ve been fine.
Part of the onus is on me because I agreed to host additional days and an additional person, but I’m just shocked because I would never do that to someone who was hosting me.
I love my friend and was happy to spend time with her (even though I was irked at times). I have a hard time being honest about how I feel because she was appreciative throughout the trip and I think she can sometimes just be clueless. We also work together (I got her the job and she didn’t do anything for me then either lol) and I don’t want there to be friction at work for addressing this. I do feel though that I’m starting to feel resentful.
Am I being too nickel-and-dimey? I don’t know if I should bring this up to her or to let it go. She is supposed to come back in a couple months as we have concert tickets in a city a couple hours away from where I live. I think she’s assuming I can host her again but I have a one-strike rule. Pls help.