I 28M was out with a friend last night at a trendy bar in Brooklyn. We were playing pool and were taking in the vibes the entire night. Just generally having a good time. My friend told me he was going to leave after our match with a couple dudes from the bar. While we're playing this girl is chatting me up. She tells me that she is waiting for her friends and is there alone. I continue playing my game and soon after we finish, my friend tells me his leaving while also encouraging me to keep talking to her. Honestly, I am kinda like why not? She isn't the type I usually go for, but she is paying me some attention and I literally haven't gone on a date since February. After my friend leaves, the girl tells me that her friends are in a place down the street and she invites me to come with her. I agree, and we both go.
While we're walking to the venue, I am getting to know her and everything. She seems cool and directs me to a pizzeria that has a speakeasy in the backroom, that's where her friends are. So now, I am there with a bunch of strangers and she is talking to her friends. She takes a while to introduce me but eventually does and I introduce myself. Eventually we get drinks and sit down in a booth. We keep chatting, I'm learning more about her. Now, I didn't make a move or anything like that. I personally wouldn't have felt comfortable doing so. I have had experiences with women that resulted in things getting intimate too early and I wanted to avoid that after literally just meeting this woman 30 minutes ago. At one point, I go to the bathroom and when I return, she says she is going as well. So I am now waiting by myself, talking to her friends who seem to be cool people. While I am by myself, I notice her talking to someone else but her friend had told me that she knows everyone so she is just mingling and "not to worry." I end up ordering us another round and then soon after she approaches me.
She tells me, "It kind of feels awkward that you're here. This was so spontaneous. I am going to be talking to my friends." I then asked if she wanted me to leave, and she said, "Yeah." So I say no worries, chug my gin-and-tonic and give her a light hug and I don't ask for her numbeinstagram because I guess I didn't find her attractive enough to warrant that but also because I kind of felt a little rejected and overall, disrespected. I really did waste my time and probably should have just either left with my friend or stay and play a few more rounds of pool... Anyway, I go to the bathroom once more and when I come back I say goodbye to her friends and I leave the speakeasy.
I think there is a chance she had wanted me to make a move on her. I just wasn't comfortable with that and to be honest, like I said before, she wasn't necessarily my type. She wasn't ugly but not someone I would fawn over but I gave it a chance and ultimately got rejected because of it.
Still haven't gone on a real date since February. Hoping for some better luck in the Summer time. What is your opinion on what happened? My friend said her switching up was kind of weird.

For context, we live around 3 hours apart and when we first met it was an amazing connection. I didn’t realize she was FA until just last week. She promoted seeing me again and rented an airbnb in my town to spend the week. Before our first kiss on our 4th or 5th day together she was extremely affectionate with me, holding hands, hugging, arm to arm, kisses on neck etc. I took this as a sign of feeling. We kissed that week, she stayed a few extra nights at my place, no sex, just cuddling. Then we decided to take a one week trip to another country. We had an amazing time and still no sex until the last night we were there she made the moves but only had sexual activity not full. I was divorced 3 years ago and wanted to take things slow. After we got back and right before I left she grabbed me passionately and kissed me goodbye. we spent two weeks apart and the day I was supposed to go stay with her in her town, she writes me saying “if I told you we can only be friends would you still come” ..I asked her if that’s what she wanted and offered to come no expectations so we can talk in person . I got there and it was right back to warmth , kisses and cuddling and she invited me to go to the hot springs, that night she asked me if I had a condom. The next day she told me she didn’t know how attracted she was to me and I told her that attractions grows through compatibility and I would work on a few things. I didn’t know how to respond except for asking her for a chance to continue. We then spent the next few months seeing each other often but there would always be this push and pull. Then one night she said she didn’t know about the relationship thing and didn’t know if she could give me what I wanted. Sex was great , cuddled all night until morning , very warm between us always when together. I didn’t understand. Then the next time at her place I asked her if we were exclusive. She went a little cold, but after spending a great night I thought she had agreed. Next day she brought it up again and I told her that was my boundary, no labels needed but exclusivity was a must for me. Anyway this dynamic went back and forth , she was always the one to instigate messages daily or respond immediately. She took me to meet her family . She told me she had a terrible childhood , she is always very self critical of herself and I noticed of me and others. I tried not to dwell on this just offer compliments. She opened up and told me she was just scared for the first time. We then traveled again together and after a very long day she told me she thinks we should break it off because I deserved better than her, I told her she was enough. we both cried together that night but then had a great talk , she said she never has been open like this with anyone else, and decided to stick with it. On the day I was departing she sent me a meme about true love. She then flew up to meet my family the next weekend and went to my daughters graduation bbq. There she told em she was confused and I told her that she was my GF and that weekend was amazing. Then last week she came down to my daughter new apartment and spent two nights with me, great time. Tuesday morning she went cold complained about a few trivial things, I saw her trigger, when we were saying goodbye she was hugging me and swaying back and forth… that’s when she told me she didn’t want to keep wasting my time and she didn’t feel anything for me, probably never would, she had tears in her eyes.. I kissed her quickly, told her goodbye , take care and walked away without looking back. I cried for three days straight , still am… I decide yesterday to reach out and say hi since I left so abruptly… she messaged me back instantly… I wrote her the following 1) … and then after came her response 2) …. Can you tell me what I should do or think?
1) “I hope you can read and comprehend these words without feeling judged. I care deeply for you. I am of course hurt that you are choosing to give up on us. However, if this is your choice, I accept and honor it. I apologize for abruptly walking away but I needed to protect my heart.
You are are a beautiful person yet you are extremely critical of yourself. This lowers your self esteem and I feel it makes you hypercritical of me and others.
As someone who studied psychology, I believe you have what is known as an Fearful Avoidant Attachment. This stems from your childhood. You should read about this as it might prove helpful for your future. I will also continue to work on my own attachment issues as well along with other aspects of my life.
I think you are stuck in the past, living with the ghosts of your previous relationships. Your understandably scared and anxious about the future, but this is hurting your ability to live in the present.
You have a kind soul. I have always been sincere with you regarding my feelings for you. I’ve only tried to show you love and support. I do not regret anything about our relationship, we had many special moments. You have been an important part of my life but I understand that you need your time and space to process everything that is going on in your life. I truly hope you are able to work all this out for your own good.
Love,”
2)” I will never feel judged by you! You are the kindest, benevolent and most genuine person I have ever met... I managed to understand over the weekend my problem is like my subconscious is creating my reality... and now you are reaffirming it... I'm going to seek help... Thank you, Te Quiero Mucho”

I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had 💩 smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his 💩 stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his 💩 smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?

Two weeks ago, I went on a social (meetup) hike and ended up hitting it off with this girl who was new to town. She was from another country, had just finished her master's degree in a different state, and moved here for work. We talked the whole time; she showed me pictures on her phone and asked about other hikes around the area. She didn’t have a car yet because she had just moved and ended up taking an Uber to the event. Towards the end, I offered to give her a lift home as it was somewhat on my way. When I dropped her off, I failed to get her number because it was an abrupt goodbye since it was a gated neighborhood and I couldn’t park. I had no way of messaging her on Meetup either due to privacy settings.
Later that week, I looked her up on a different social site based on her name and our conversations. I figured, why not take the chance? It's unlikely I would see her again. On that platform, I invited her to another two hikes over the long weekend. She gave me her number and agreed to both of them!
The first hike was a group hike (more like a stroll along the river) and went well. We talked a lot, but it ended abruptly as others wanted to wrap it up early. When we got back to my car, she looked a little disappointed and hesitant. I asked if she wanted to walk around a bit more and she did. We ended up walking and talking for another hour in the evening before heading back. She was easy to talk to, it's amazing when another person puts as much effort into keeping the conversation alive and getting to know you as you are, it makes things much less awakward.
The second hike was just the two of us. I changed plans and mentioned walking along a different part of the river because it was shaded and my initial suggestion may have been too strenuous. The initial hike I had suggested had a bit of rock climbing and was going to be too hot. It wasn’t great; there were way too many mosquitoes, so after a few minutes, I suggested we try out a different trail. We drove to a different trail that was about 15 minutes away and it ended up being a nice evening. Very picturesque at sunset. She mentioned really liking the area.
She’s very into the outdoors, loves exploring, and enjoys going to quiet places in nature. It’s rare that I meet someone I really resonate with on that level, especially a woman. A lot of people claim to love nature, but few actually do. She kept asking about future hikes and asked me if I’ve ever been stargazing (I had previously mentioned wanting to see the Milky Way and mentioned some remote areas that were good for hiking and had very dark skies). Because of my hearing issues, I have a hard time going to loud places which limits the social activities I'm albe to do, but finding someone who loves nature and seemed enthusiastic to go on mini adventures with me seemed too perfect.
Anyway, I thought it went well all things considered, but when I dropped her off that evening, I mentioned doing something the next weekend and she told me, “I’m not sure if I’m free, but I’ll let you know.” I texted the following Friday with an open invitiation and she was too busy.
I’m not sure where I went wrong. I know people will say, “She was never into you to begin with”. Maybe that’s true, but I feel more like there was initial interest and I fucked it up like I always do. It’s vanishingly rare I connect with someone like this. I know how to hold an engaging conversation, but I just don’t know how to flirt, initiate touch, or show more romantic interest. Maybe she just thought of me as a friend. Maybe she decided I’m too old for her. Or maybe my indecision on the last hike or being too eager turned her off? I don’t know.
Not really looking for advice here, just venting really.
Edit: I made a similar post about frustrations and getting my hopes up with a girl I was friends with a couple years ago and was attacked for it. That poster has blocked me, but if you don't know me and this post offends you feel free to block me too.

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”

For context, we live around 3 hours apart and when we first met it was an amazing connection. I didn’t realize she was FA until just last week. She promoted seeing me again and rented an airbnb in my town to spend the week. Before our first kiss on our 4th or 5th day together she was extremely affectionate with me, holding hands, hugging, arm to arm, kisses on neck etc. I took this as a sign of feeling. We kissed that week, she stayed a few extra nights at my place, no sex, just cuddling. Then we decided to take a one week trip to another country. We had an amazing time and still no sex until the last night we were there she made the moves but only had sexual activity not full. I was divorced 3 years ago and wanted to take things slow. After we got back and right before I left she grabbed me passionately and kissed me goodbye. we spent two weeks apart and the day I was supposed to go stay with her in her town, she writes me saying “if I told you we can only be friends would you still come” ..I asked her if that’s what she wanted and offered to come no expectations so we can talk in person . I got there and it was right back to warmth , kisses and cuddling and she invited me to go to the hot springs, that night she asked me if I had a condom. The next day she told me she didn’t know how attracted she was to me and I told her that attractions grows through compatibility and I would work on a few things. I didn’t know how to respond except for asking her for a chance to continue. We then spent the next few months seeing each other often but there would always be this push and pull. Then one night she said she didn’t know about the relationship thing and didn’t know if she could give me what I wanted. Sex was great , cuddled all night until morning , very warm between us always when together. I didn’t understand. Then the next time at her place I asked her if we were exclusive. She went a little cold, but after spending a great night I thought she had agreed. Next day she brought it up again and I told her that was my boundary, no labels needed but exclusivity was a must for me. Anyway this dynamic went back and forth , she was always the one to instigate messages daily or respond immediately. She took me to meet her family . She told me she had a terrible childhood , she is always very self critical of herself and I noticed of me and others. I tried not to dwell on this just offer compliments. She opened up and told me she was just scared for the first time. We then traveled again together and after a very long day she told me she thinks we should break it off because I deserved better than her, I told her she was enough. we both cried together that night but then had a great talk , she said she never has been open like this with anyone else, and decided to stick with it. On the day I was departing she sent me a meme about true love. She then flew up to meet my family the next weekend and went to my daughters graduation bbq. There she told em she was confused and I told her that she was my GF and that weekend was amazing. Then last week she came down to my daughter new apartment and spent two nights with me, great time. Tuesday morning she went cold complained about a few trivial things, I saw her trigger, when we were saying goodbye she was hugging me and swaying back and forth… that’s when she told me she didn’t want to keep wasting my time and she didn’t feel anything for me, probably never would, she had tears in her eyes.. I kissed her quickly, told her goodbye , take care and walked away without looking back. I cried for three days straight , still am… I decide yesterday to reach out and say hi since I left so abruptly… she messaged me back instantly… I wrote her the following 1) … and then after came her response 2) …. Can you tell me what I should do or think?
1) “I hope you can read and comprehend these words without feeling judged. I care deeply for you. I am of course hurt that you are choosing to give up on us. However, if this is your choice, I accept and honor it. I apologize for abruptly walking away but I needed to protect my heart.
You are are a beautiful person yet you are extremely critical of yourself. This lowers your self esteem and I feel it makes you hypercritical of me and others.
As someone who studied psychology, I believe you have what is known as an Fearful Avoidant Attachment. This stems from your childhood. You should read about this as it might prove helpful for your future. I will also continue to work on my own attachment issues as well along with other aspects of my life.
I think you are stuck in the past, living with the ghosts of your previous relationships. Your understandably scared and anxious about the future, but this is hurting your ability to live in the present.
You have a kind soul. I have always been sincere with you regarding my feelings for you. I’ve only tried to show you love and support. I do not regret anything about our relationship, we had many special moments. You have been an important part of my life but I understand that you need your time and space to process everything that is going on in your life. I truly hope you are able to work all this out for your own good.
Love,”
2)” I will never feel judged by you! You are the kindest, benevolent and most genuine person I have ever met... I managed to understand over the weekend my problem is like my subconscious is creating my reality... and now you are reaffirming it... I'm going to seek help... Thank you, Te Quiero Mucho”

Had my first graduation parties of the season today. As much as this job can be taxing, tiring and stressful, as a high school teacher I have to say the hardest part is saying goodbye to my seniors. 99% I'm never going to see again, and it sucks because so many are such amazing human beings. I was trying to not to cry as I wrote out the graduation cards last night.
I changed districts this year, but still got a bunch of invites from students I had at my old building. It was great to see them again, even if just for a little while. I know I'll get new students next year, make new amazing memories, but it's hard to let go of the ones I have and had. I go through this process every year and it never gets any easier. It would be easier if we didn't create these kinds of connections, but I think it's what makes the job as enjoyable and meaningful as it is.
Congratulations, class of 2024. We'll miss you :)

As the title says, the last three months have been miserable, and I've been smoking weed every day like a degenerate stoner. It all started when my closest friend (23F), let's call her N, in university asked us to be more than friends (she just went for the kiss, and I let her, to be honest). I'll admit I had a bit of a crush on her too, but it wasn't to the extent where it could have hurt me if I hadn't allowed those feelings to grow.
A little bit of context: N and I met at our part-time job. For whatever reason, she just started hanging out with me at least twice a week. When I met her, it was my first year in university, and I was basically all alone in a new city, living completely on my own for the first time (I am 21 now). None of my close friends from high school had decided to start university (very normal in my country, Scandinavian laziness, I guess), and admittedly, I'm not very good at making new friends (I relied pretty much on my best friend for breaking the ice as I was always the quiet one, and he was the talker). So for her to be so outgoing and ask me to hang out all the time definitely felt like a gift from the universe.
She was also so much different from all the other people in my life. I don't think I would have ever become friends with her if she didn't try. We don't study the same things, listen to the same kind of music, or even have any hobbies in common, other than drinking/partying (if you can even call that a hobby—it's more like ritualistic self-destruction with the purpose of being back to 100% after the weekend, which is very normal here). But she would still always ask to hang out. She would talk about her day, and I would talk about mine. We gave each other advice, etc. Pretty standard stuff.
Except she had these habits that were kinda cool, like how she was extremely generous (she would always pay for random shit and insist that I don't pay, but I would always just take the bill somewhere else so we were kept even). I get that for a lot of people, this may seem like standard stuff, but in Scandinavia, it's not. As an immigrant, I can tell you that in this country, if you start paying for things, people start expecting it without ever returning the favor. So giving and taking is not something you do here, and this just made her feel a lot warmer than people usually are here. It's not just me she was kind to; she was pretty much a kind person to everybody. I guess somewhere along the line, I decided she was in the group of "good people" and that I could trust her, which led to me being perhaps a lot more open with her sooner rather than later, like I had with my oldest friends.
After a while, I started opening up to her about personal stuff, as she had done with me. She would often talk about the guys she was dating or crushing on, etc., and ask me for advice, which I tried my best to give. At some point, she would keep pressing me about how I was doing in my love life, and I opened up to her about it. Here is the gist of what I communicated to her in the span of a whole bunch of different sessions of going out for beers and just talking, which gets relevant later, so bear with me.
I don't feel like I fit in with this generation or at least this country's dating culture. I can't just move on from person to person like most people here seem to do just fine. Not because of parents teaching me stuff or religion (I was born and raised atheist), but simply because, to me, it feels wrong. Also, my parents did pretty well in that regard—I just wanted what they had. I am also very career-focused (engineering, CS with business combined honors program that's very highly regarded here, and the goal is to get to Partner at a consulting firm by the time I am 30). So setting aside time for serious stuff is just not something I can do lightly. Besides, the last relationship I was in almost cost me my spot in the program when it went south, so at least at the start of the year, I was not looking for anything, to say the least.
Another aspect of why I have not been "as active as I should be" for my age compared to peers is also because I did not want to have sex with just anybody. For me, it meant something (used to mean something now). My ideal was to pick a person who I think is "good" and hopefully we stick together (that's how I learned about relationships at least—you make things work by working through them). That's simply not something that people do where I am at in life; at least it just feels like pure lust with zero love involved, to be honest. All in all, I was waiting for the right person because I had decided the next person would have to be it, because anybody after that would simply not feel special anymore (I just kept moving the goal post like it fucking mattered XD).
Fast forward a year and half, and we were still great friends, it was just another standard day out with some friends, when i was about to leave when she came by the door to say farewell, and as i was done tying my shoes and getting my jacket she was standing really close to my face looking at me straight in the eye, this is not the first time she had done that, and i usually would just play dumb even though it was obvious every time where she wanted to go with that action. We would just never talk about it because one could always say "we were just drunk or whatever" but this time she was like insanely close, and i guess i was just a bit tired of doing this, so i whispered to her "N, we cant" (because we work together, and a piece of advice from an older friend i always tried to follow was, Dont shit where you eat, so yes even when i had for months realised i possibly had a little crush on N, i did nothing about it and was not planning on doing anything about it), To my surprise she responded with "why not, why cant we just try" and i guess that was about the limit to which i could hold back because we ended up kissing, which ended pretty quickly because another friend was coming through the hallway and i didn't want this to become a problem so i just said goodbye and left. So far no big deal i guess, i was honestly expected it to just be an awkward conversation we would have to have later on, 30 minutes later, she sent me a text, "Do you want to come over?", i said yes, and got to her place. just even talking was awkward at frist, but once i just remembered that hey, neither i or her have changed, we got back to normal, and we discussed things, i admitted my feelings for her and she did as well, i spent the rest of the evening and night talking to her (i pretty much grabbed the last bus ride back to my place) i honestly was shocked at finding out the way she claimed to feel about me, i did not think i was her type at all (yes even with the coming close my face every time she gets too drunk, i had just kept telling myself its only cause she is drunk) she even displayed jealousy and asked me to stop talking to an older lady (30F) i had started talking to (and told her about) after a weird night out with a company which was advertising its positions (Companies take us out to fancy places to try and get dibs on contracts with us)
The timing of this was a bit weird, we were going for easter break and i was actually going home the day after, and honestly i kept myself kinda skeptical about the whole thing during the entire break, i was just bracing for the "it was a mistake" to come out, cause i had been burned like that before, and i didn't want to let my feelings grow any bigger before i was sure about her feelings. When i got back, i didn't push to meet her even though i wanted to, i was trying to see what she would do, and again to my surprise she asks if she can come over, we talk more, i started to think, hey maybe this is for real, but i still wasn't 100% going in just out of caution, by the next week, we ended up sleeping together for the first time, and honestly it was great, it was also here where i actually let myself have hope that hey, maybe she is different, i mean it should be different now that i am an adult right, i mean she knows so much private shit about me, she know the way i think, she knows how i feel about these things, and she is a good person, there is no way she could play me like the previous times i had let myself get real feelings for a girl. After about a month and us hanging out even more, and me starting to get used to it, she asks me out for a beer, than tells me she wants to go back to being just friends, because she "feels closed in, and thinks its too early for her to be in a serious relationship" mind you i had not even talked directly about things being serious or whatever (I might be naive sometimes, but im not a fucking idiot i now your not supposed to put pressure like that early on.) all in all deep down i was expecting something like this, because i never have luck with these things, but i would be lying if i said i didn't feel hurt. As for how i reacted, i just told her its ok, and that we cant control the way we feel so she shouldn't feel bad, went home and started smoking weed, i always have some for certain nights but from this day i started doing it everyday since.
We were supposed to go to a party together that weekend, and we were going to pregame at her place with a few friends, ill get to this, but before that there was a job event where i pretty much did not talk to her at all, and i had not talked with her on socials like we usually did. she suddenly sends me an SMS asking if i am mad and not want to talk to her again, i said no and that everything was fine, and resumed communication like normal from here on. Truth is i just needed some space i dont hate her, i just needed a bit space, but i get that she got concerned or whatever. Anyways the weekends here, and she asks me if i am still coming over, honestly i had planned to just meet up at the party and drop the pre game but i just told her i could come if she wants me there. She obviously said yes and i went there, we had other friends there who did not know (besides a very kind friend of ours) the pre game went without mostly any trouble, and i even told her we were cool and that i was sorry if things got weird when we had a private moment. Fast forward towards the end of the night we were at a club (where i have a friend who works there foreshadowing) i was at a separate place within this club which is massive, and sometime later she finds me sits next to me, and within a few minutes she ended up kissing me again. Our friend who was also at the table, the universe bless her, grabs her and takes her away to talk (yell at her) somewhere private.
when the whole group of us returns one of the apartments for the afterparty, i decided i was going to try to figure this shit out and talk things out with her, figure out wtf is going on and all that. But she was being very childish and avoidant in our conversation. she lived close by and i lived far away so when people were leaving (it was very late as well so i would have had to walk home drunk) she asked med to come over, i went only because i was not going to let her just shove this under the rugg. I asked her what this all meant and what she meant by "feeling closed in" when she broke up, because at that point i didn't really understand it, lets say i did not get my answer, but she did however end up admitting to me that already 3 days in, the day before this day she had one of her ex FWB over at her place. Now thats would have been all fine and dandy if she had not kissed me again and told me this right after, it really hurt to know that, to the point that i walked home for 40 minutes from one end of town to the other 15 beers and a joint in, instead of sleeping on her sofa (she was also insisting that i sleep on her bed while she takes the sofa, like it fucking mattered at that point, and she was not sleeping until i did, so i used it as an excuse to leave).
I dont quite remember what i was feeling during the walk home but it was not great, now remember the friend who works part time at that club, he just happened to have been working when all this went down, and me and him and a few other friends (all from highschool who started their first year here) were chilling and decided to invite me. This friend had meet N before once at a party at my place, and apparently what seemed to me like N randomly finding me at the Club was her looking around for me, the way. i found this out was because N had ran into my friend and asked him about my whereabouts, so now i am sitting here thinking well this just went from a dumb accident to a premeditated. Lets just say i was a combination of very annoyed, pissed and sad. For my own sake i decided not talk to her for a while, and this time when she did send an sms i just simply told her something along the line of i am not mad, i just need time. she stopped bothering me for 2 weeks and then she just suddenly asked me if i wanted to go for a beer. In these two weeks i had avoided even looking at her, when we were attending a work thing again, and after this she had sent me a long as message basically being pissed at me for being like this, and me being the gigantic pushover that i am, said sorry and that "i just need a little bit more space", So when she asked if we could hang, i just said yes because it felt as if i had to.
We talked like we normally would, i tried to avoid the topic of us, after a while we went for a walk, and i honestly just tried to defuse any serious conversation with humor, at some point she mumbled something to herself, along the lines of "I fucked up", i said "what?" and she goes on about how she sabotaged us, and she feels bad about it. My initial reaction was something along the lines of "Womp Womp" but obviously i listened to her, talk then cry, then talk again about it all, and kept quiet and tried to think through the things she said, while i waited for her bus to arrive. She had a great many excuses for why things went the way the did, Like for example "being afraid of holding me back from my ambitions" (she thinks i am really smart and hardworking and that my goals are so hard to achieve she would've gotten in my way, truth is i do just enough to be in the clear for the next goalpost, i dont feel like a hard worker nor do i feel smart, its just she is not great at school and thats fine everybody has their own talents i guess), nothing she said really felt like a good explanation, and i did not see the point to this, but it did make me want to ask about it again and try to figure shit out.
So the day after i asked her out for a beer again and asked if we could talk, this time she gave a better answer, she just said, she did not feel like she could be in a relationship because she didn't feel ready to i guess settle down, but that she found me attractive but because of the things we had talked about, (my ideals when it comes to romance, see here is where the jargon got relevant) she was not going to make a move unless it was serious, and that at some point she had to try to see if she was done with fooling around and wanted to have a serious relationship but that it felt like too much pressure in the end (¯\_(ツ)_/¯, This is my fucking reaction to but belive me, this is not the first time i have heard shit like this and its completely normal in this hedonistic godless generation, at least in my circles it is). Anyways believed her and this gave me a bit closure but it still hurt, we decided to just talk about other stuff and drink since it was the weekend and we were out anyways, and she starts getting handsy and giving me the eyes again, i thought about it while talking to her, and just said, "Are we going to keep doing this stuff every time now, cause its gonna get annoying if i have to worry about it every time we are out" and that "we could maybe just do what she does with other guys while she is single" (she just has a few FWB) "she lights up and is like alright if you really are ok with that" and we ended up at my place and we ended up sleeping together again talking about the rules of our new "arrangment"
Now why did i do this, it seems hypocritical to my ideals and whatever and honestly i see that. it is fundamentally just a degradation of my boundaries and ideals, and honestly to me it just felt like a wall i have been keeping up that simply is becoming unsustainable.
The next time we ended up being together was a few weeks ago during a weekend out, we actually ended up not sleeping together cause she was tired, but more likely she was probably on her period but did not say out of fear of me being annoyed at her still saying yes to coming over (its like an unwritten rule to these things here), but i guess she did not want to say that cause she just wanted to sleep next to someone out of loneliness which is honestly understandable to me at least but a lot of guys are just assholes about that.
This is all happening while we are in the middle of the examination period so communication is being slowed down, not that i mattered much i have my own shit to do as well, but before that we had returned to talking like we normally do and me putting shit behind me, she is on her 3rd year as well so this year was obviously important for her career wise so it was not strange that we weren't talking as much, anyways i meet her yesterday just for a break and to have a few drinks and somewhere in there she gives me the heads up that she has started talking with someone and that we cant do any "stuff" until further notice, which is again fine and what she is supposed to do, and i did not react much to this, but deep inside it was like i just got another knife in the chest, i mean its been what, a month since she did all of that and told me she is not ready for a relationship and she is already talking to a new guy and wants to see if shit is gonna get serious.
Now for my feelings that i needed to get off my chest, Props to you if you bothered to read so far, this felt great to write out, but i cant belive i just wrote that much and there is no way i am proof reading this shit. I am kinda afraid of this blowing up rn, incase anybody i know in loop who might see this, but it will probably be fine, and if you are one of those brain rot instagram profiles, YOU DO NOT HAVE CONSENT to make on of those shitty AI voice videos with this.
Not that i was hoping to get together with her again at some point, i would not even if she wanted that, i am done with her in that way, but this makes the second time she has lied to me, cause what this implied just now is that she was bullshitting the whole time (Womp to the fucking Womp, i get it i am an absolute fucking idiot for even believing it in the first place) but man how can people be like this, am i just a fucking insane, or is everybody just completely detached. I trusted her so fucking much and there she was just smiling like she just got a text from Ken from barbie himself. the real hurt is the speed at which she just moved on, i had to have assumed that she must've felt at least something when she basically risked our entire friendship over it. Did she care so little about my feelings, am i just too emotional? i dont think of myself as an emotional person, i mean last night was the first time i cried since i belive when i was 15 or 16 (mostly due to my dad pavlov'ing the shit out of me cause "men dont cry", i dont hate him for this btw, he would probably agree that it was wrong now, but its just the way it was when i was child in my country)
The worst part is the moral degradation of it all, i feel like that was the last straw, the last few weeks all i have been able to listen to is fucking Future other "toxic" rap shit, usually i dont even listen to these stuff outside of parties, but for some reason i get it now, i feel toxic, i feel like i just wanna go around and sleep around, i wanna fucking break someones heart, between all the different times i have had my heart broken, to my own amazement at how many times this shit would end up happening to me, THE GUY, i mean when i growing up i was raised mostly by my grandmother since both my parents worked all the time, and all they ever taught me about stuff like this is, that as long as you are a good person, you will be fine, its always the guys that are assholes in relationships, now i dont blame her or my parents as it was mostly true for her generation, but goddamn i wish i was better equipped for this shit. I wanted to be a good person, i wanted to have something pure for once, something i can be proud of and say hey, everything is else is lowkey fucked up, but hey at least i got this part of my life that i can see is true and honest and not a two faced power play but nah, thats just wishful thinking. between the immature girls in Highschool which is like fine, okay we were all kids figuring shit out, or the getting fetishised as the "white enough to test my boundaries guy for rich white college girls" but goddamn it its getting enough for me at this point. every god damn time i get played like this, and i am just tired honestly i dont want to feel like this but i really feel bad for the next girl who ends up trying with me if they end up being genuine, because after this one i honestly cant, there is no excuses this time, every other girl before i could blame it on myself but if i couldn't tell that i should not have trusted N with my feelings than it does not feel like it was my fault for being gullible, nobody deserves that kind of trust in my eyes now and thats the saddest part, i feel like a worse person, i feel like i am turning into the kind of person i would look down on and there is nothing i can tell myself to stop that.
Sorry if this felt like a giant rant from a wussy as mofo, thats for sure what my dad would have said, and i did write this high asf, so sorry about all the typos i did not catch. i did not really have anybody i could tell this to, without completely destroying the semi-stoic character i have tried to present myself as publicly sure as hell felt better then reading for that god forsaken DBMS test i have coming up (driest fucking shit in CS, besides networking and communication protocols).

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In the center of our hotel room, illuminated by the dim light of an oil lantern, stood three unknown Faelor. In the center stood a rather short male wearing a green sash that was simply too big for his figure. He also wore a regal coat and pants with an elaborate ruffled hat between his antennae. To either side of the small man stood armored guards. Both guards were in full plate armor like the royal army would wear, but the suits were decorated in Gorling regalia instead. To the short man’s right stood an imposing Faelor that in any other company would garner looks for his imposing size, if not for the fact that he was in the same room with the guard to the left who towered over both of them. The giant standing on the left was perhaps the tallest Faelor I’d ever seen, rising at least a full head and a half taller than even Mark. Both guards held traditional Gorling glaives as well as some kind of sword on their hips.
“The Governor.” Mark practically growled from just behind me. I had spent enough time with Mark at this point to sense venom in his words.
“Oh my! The beast speaks! How intriguing! Was that Crenose? Tell me, what did it say?” The small figure spoke in Faelo.
“He called you ‘The Governor’.” I responded.
“Really? Is that so?” He asked looking up at the giant.
“That’s what I heard, sir.” The guard confirmed.
“I had heard you were traveling with some unknown species, but I didn’t realize it was intelligent enough to speak! Fascinating. Not only that, but it knows who I am! Wonderful!” The Governor had a high-pitched voice. I wondered if he suffered from some sort of malnutrition while incubating. The tall guard was now staring intently at Mark.
“Apologies, you must be the Governor of Gorling then? My knowledge of local politics is a bit out of date. To what do I owe the pleasure?” I gave a slight bow.
“Yes of course! Introductions! I am Governor Sleepless Nights of the Rolling Hills and Deep Valleys community. These are my personal guards, Fertile Soil,” he said, pointing to the giant, “and Hanging Moon,” he said, pointing to the other. “But nevermind them. You are The Traveler, Morning Breeze of the Dawning Sun Over The Great Sea community and I understand you will be seeking an audience with the Crown himself shortly!” He stared at me expectantly.
“It seems word travels quickly amongst your community.” I said.
“Ha, yes. Well, we always help our own here in Gorling.”
“If I may be so bold, Governor, that doesn’t quite answer my question as to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?” I insisted.
“Of course! Of course! It’s simple really! I seek an exchange. I have a favor I wish for you to complete, and you must but simply name your price and anything within my power I will grant you.”
“And what is this favor?” I asked.
“Why? Nothing more than to tell the truth!” The Governor reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a black rock. “Tell me, are you familiar with the mineral korith? The local Crenulans have been calling it ‘coal’. I’ve discovered a rather large deposit of it just outside of Gorling and the uses of it are… well… let’s just say, we’re only just beginning to discover the many and varied uses for it. In the two years we’ve been tinkering with the korith Gorling has increased its production rate for weapons and armor by five hundred percent. And that’s just the start of what this wonder rock can do.” The Governor tossed the lump of korith to me.
“So… you want me to tell the Crown about korith? I think the scholars already know about this mineral.” I replied.
“Of course not! I want you to tell the Crown about me! Tell them about the many new and varied uses I’ve discovered for the mineral and what a valuable asset I am for the Crown. Tell them I’m being wasted as a Governor for Gorling!”
“I see. You want a promotion” I said.
“Of course!” The Governor blurted out.
“Whatever he’s asking for, don’t give him a thing.” Mark suddenly chimed in, snatching the korith from my grasp.
“What are you doing, Mark?” I asked.
“He’s rotten, Morning Breeze. He’s scum.” Mark replied. I noticed the larger guard’s grip tighten on his glaive.
“What is this? What is the beast saying?” The Governor asked.
“Sir… the Engineer.” Was all Fertile Soil said.
The Governor looked over at Mark then back to his guard. “You don’t actually think?...”
“He matches the description sir.” Fertile Soil replied.
“We’ll discuss this later.” The Governor said, shutting down the conversation. “So, what say you, Morning Breeze? Do we have a deal?”
“Well, before I can agree to such terms, I will of course have to do my due diligence. If it is the truth, as you say, I will have to confirm these reports myself. Perhaps a tour of your facilities where you can demonstrate for me the efficacy of your claims. I would also need time to consider what I would require in exchange for my part in this deal.” I offered to buy some time without outright saying no.
“I can agree to those terms.” The Governor replied. “We’ll be in touch. For now, I must depart.” With that, the Governor vacated the room, followed by his guards. The towering guard, Fertile Soil, stared down Mark the entire walk out of the room.
With that, Mark and I were finally alone in this luxury suite. Mark was still gripping the korith in his hand as he walked over to the bed and sat down. He eyed the small piece of mineral, moving it between his digits for several moments before unexpectedly chucking it against the far wall.
“Do you mind telling me what that was about?” I asked.
“Just another one of my failed ventures. Turned out good for the Governor though, didn’t it?”
“What happened, exactly?” I pressed.
“I don’t want to get into it. Suffice to say, I found some coal, convinced some locals to help me dig it up, things went sideways - and now the Governor has control of the whole thing. He’s expanded the operation quite a bit. I’ll give him that. I think he’s tried to reverse-engineer some of my stuff too, because I’ve seen things in Gorling recently that I know got left behind at the dig site. Anyway, the point is, he’s a bad man. He’s a bad man that does bad things to people.”
“Well, if you don’t wish for me to engage in any deals with the Governor, then I won’t. It makes no difference to me. However, for our convenience, it would probably be easier to go along with his plan until we leave town, lest we face undue hardship, political or otherwise.” I suggested.
“Fine. You want to play along to keep him off our backs, I won’t stand in your way. But I’m telling you, he’s not to be trusted.” Mark warned.
The next day we woke up early to meet up with the Guckracks at the inn by the edge of the city. Mark explained that we’d have to stay in Gorling a few more days to deal with the map situation and we’d find our own way home. Bun said their business in Gorling would be concluding later that day but invited us to come visit Stroz before they left.
The meeting was uneventful. Mark spent an hour talking with the three Crenulans about family and the business Stroz was running and a number of other topics I wasn’t paying attention to. Finally, they all said their goodbyes. Bun and Fizz left the city and Mark and I returned to Madame Glowing Sun’s Finery Emporium to collect our outfits. Madame Glowing Sun reminded us to tell everyone where our outfits came from when we got to the capital.
It was getting into the later afternoon when we decided to return to the docks to check the map again. We rounded a corner into an alleyway to cut across to the next main thoroughfare when I noticed a conspicuous lack of pedestrians. We were halfway down the alley when two figures appeared at the end. Armored guards. There was no mistaking the taller one - Fertile Soil. Which meant the other one was most likely Hanging Moon.
“Engineer!” Fertile Soil called out in Crenose. “I’d have words with you.” He said. They were both armed with their Gorling Glaives and full plate armor.
“You talking to me?” Mark shouted back, taking a step ahead of me.
Both the guards began approaching us until they were but ten paces away, then stopped. “Engineer. The Governor wishes to give you one chance to make a deal.” Fertile Soil said.
“Fuck off.” Mark called out in his native language.
“I know not the language you use, but I believe I understand your meaning.” Fertile Soil replied. “I’ll give you one chance to reconsider. Work for us, or face the consequences.”
“You don’t scare me bug boy. So why don’t you buzz off.” Mark replied.
Fertile Soil turned his weapon over and slammed the edge of his glaive down into the dirt. “You seek to disrespect me? Do not interfere Traveler” He switched to Faelo addressing me.
“He is under my protection.” I replied.
“Moon, restrain her.” Hanging Moon slammed his glaive down, mimicking his partner and began marching toward me. “Don’t hurt her.” Fertile Soil added.
Mark attempted to interject himself between Hanging Moon and myself, but before he could, Fertile Soil was on him. I considered myself a skilled grappler, but this Hanging Moon was on another level. I attempted a block which he seemed to anticipate and counter effortlessly. Within thirty seconds he had me in a classic four-knot hold. Lacking a weight advantage, there was no way for me to get out of the technique. I felt like I was back in school on the training mats compared to him. He twisted me around so I could see the fight between Mark and Fertile Soil, though in truth, it was probably more so that he could see their fight.
In the time it took for Hanging Moon to subdue me, Fertile Soil had managed to get behind Mark and put him in a modified rear choke with his upper arms. Though Mark was resisting the technique as he had tucked his chin down and managed to get his hand wedged between Fertile Soil's arm and his neck and was attempting to brute force pull Fertile Soil’s arms apart. It was almost working, but not quite. Fertile Soil was using his lower arms to pummel Mark in the sides, though it was hard to say how much damage it was actually doing to Mark.
Mark lifted both his feet into the air and for a second it seemed Fertile Soil might not be able to hold Mark’s full weight, but just as quickly Mark slammed his feet down into Fertile Soil's right steel sabaton. It was unclear if it did any actual damage to the armor, but it clearly had some effect, as it caused Fertile Soil to pull his foot back and lose his grip. Mark took the opportunity to pull a small dagger from his waistband and slam it into the opening in the guard’s armor where his lower arm protrudes from the breastplate. Remarkable precision considering Mark wasn’t even looking at the target. Fertile Soil fully let go of Mark at that point and stumbled backward, ripping the dagger from his side and throwing it away.
“Sneaky little groth.” Fertile Soil said before launching into another assault. He came striking with quick jabs towards Mark's face and torso. Mark easily dodged and blocked all the strikes from Fertile Soil’s upper arms, but seemed to have a hard time anticipating the strikes from the lower arms. Fertile Soil seemed to pick up on this and began feinting with his upper arms only to land an uppercut onto Mark's jaw with his lower left arm.
Mark took the strike without faltering and leaned in to grab both of Fertile Soil’s upper arms while they were still close. He got his hands in underneath where the gloves meet the arm guard and twisted Fertile Soil's arms inward. Fertile Soil let out a howl of pain as his arms bent in an unnatural angle and he began punching Mark repeatedly in the abdomen with his lower arms. It didn’t seem to faze Mark at all. With a growl, Fertile Soil slammed his steel helmet down into the bridge of Mark’s nose. This got the reaction he was hoping for as Mark’s grip finally loosened and Fertile Soil kicked Mark away from himself. Mark stumbled a couple steps backwards holding his face.
The towering guard, blood coursing from his side, ran back to his Glaive and brandished it at Mark. “Enough!” He shouted. Mark pulled out his long blade he kept hidden at his side, but didn’t approach. “We’ve been watching you since last night, Engineer. You’re strong. I’ll grant you that. But you’re just one man. And you’ll be out of town shortly, from what I hear. What will happen to the Guckracks while you’re gone if they don’t have the protection of the Governor? Last chance Engineer. Work for the Governor, or there won’t be any Guckracks to come back to when you’re finished in the Capital.”
Mark threw his blade down on the ground. “Bastard. Alright. Alright. Tell the Governor that I’ll make a deal with him. But I never make any contracts without discussing the terms in person. Surely the Governor of all people can respect that.”
The two warriors stared at each other for what seemed an eternity, each getting the measure of the other, before finally, Fertile Soil relaxed, raising the Glaive. “Very well. You can expect a visit soon. Do not leave the city. We’ll be watching. Moon, let her go. We’re leaving.” Hanging Moon finally released me from his iron grip. He collected his glaive and the two guards exited the alleyway the way they came in.
“Those fuckers. Those fucking fuckers. They’re fucking dead. I swear they’re fucking dead.” Mark began muttering in his own language.
“Mark, what are you saying?” I asked.
“Come on. The map can wait.” Mark said. “I have a plan.”
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It's little things.
My friend greets hello, then later hugs goodbye to people and I'm the last to receive every time.
I get invited to a party but the person who invited me only engages me in a short conversation.
I'm at a dinner with friends I think are close but I feel like they're mostly talking to each other.
I'm invited to be in a wedding, but the bride hangs out more with the other girls than me.
I hate that I care about these things and understand that they're silly and petty. But unless I'm in a one on one hang out, I leave almost every social situation wondering if my friend actually likes me that much.
I'm in my 30s, so I feel embarrassed that I even feel this way and that I haven't figured it out by now.
Any tips? Advice? Strategies with how to get out of that cycle?

Audio narration (not by me) for those interested in a more audible experience
[--------------------------------------------------]
They thought they had him, bought and paid for. The joke is on them, for the first time in his life, his conscience came out on top.
[--------------------------------------------------]
Something easy is not always simple, as paradoxical as it sounds. Something like what he was about to do was supposed to be simple, everything becomes simpler when it's done god knows how many times.
Just activate the communications hub, enter the right channel, use the right words and be done with it once and for all.
But he couldn't. His trembling hands would not allow him, he should have known it would be this difficult when he woke up and found out he couldn't look at himself in the mirror, no matter how hard he tried. These damn hands...
He dared to look down at them, seemingly calming them with just his stare...until they started shaking again. He tried to focus on something specific in order to steel his nerves. His eyes fell on the engraved buttons that adorned his suit's sleeves, a small reminder on where he stood in the hierarchy of the company he had devoted himself to for more than a decade.
Working with the closest thing to the devil had its perks, material perks but perks nonetheless and these buttons were only a small chunk of them.
Plenty of riches and plenty of costs, it seemed normal to him up until now, that is when he started to doubt if the rewards were worth the costs.
Somehow, he found the courage in himself to activate the console, hit the correct keys and activate the comm channel he should have activated almost an hour ago. The four pitch black eyes that occupied the centre of the massive screen threatened to crush his larynx just from the stress alone, the flips his stomach was making almost forcing him into vomiting a third time.
Even sputtering out a casual greeting proved too much for him, fortunately enough, he didn't have to greet the unsuspecting individual first.
"May the mountains bless you. Our people are excited to speak to yours again"
"So are we" These are the only words his tormented throat could stammer out, he didn't know whether to be grateful or not for their ignorance regarding human body language. His hands shook even harder while holding two stacks of legal papers, the question in his mind was which stack to scan.
"We are aware of the realities of trading and we are eager to repay you for the technology you graced us with"
His stomach protested once more. if he scanned the stack he was holding on his right hand, they'd repay his employers alright..just not in the way or scope they could ever expect. They'd give everything in their name away, the land their people lived on, the mountains they loved so much would get mined out until they were nothing but empty husks and if they resisted they'd get kicked out, they'd become nomads whose home was stolen right under their noses. If he sent them the stack his left hand was holding then maybe, just maybe... there'd still be hope for them.
"...Is there something you wanted to tell us?"
The sound of his heartbeat was becoming unbearable and he could not hold off making a choice, the time had come and he'd have to pick something, anything. Question was, whether he ought to pick what will help him or what will let him live with himself.
"Stand by for further instructions"
It didn't matter if he liked it or not, he had already made his choice without necessarily knowing it. The stack of papers on his right hand was thrown across the room, scattering all over the floor, right where they belonged. He quickly scanned the stack he had chosen and sent over the file.
He could hear the printing process taking place on the other side of the screen, there'd be no need to read everything out to them, everything on these papers got translated from one chosen language to another and vice-versa. The representative picked up the papers and went through them in silence.
"I don't...I don't think I understand what the purpose of these documents are"
"Hidden clauses, internal documents regarding hidden fees and how to squeeze out the most out of recently uplifted civilizations and other details your people ought to be aware of"
"Are you saying you have been taking advantage of us this whole time?"
"Yes"
The words that would get him stripped of his rank, title and benefits he had worked for almost the entirety of his life seemed to fly out of his mouth with particular ease.
"Your first mistake was accepting my employers' offer and if I can help it, it will be your first and last mistake"
His fingers danced across the keyboard, bringing up the file it automatically created when scanning the documents he placed in the console. He quickly found the section he was looking for and shared it with the screen of the aliens' console.
"This particular section is of great interest to you, it goes into detail about standard procedures when it comes to premature termination of contracts on the client's side. Your people will still hurt greatly for canceling whatever you agreed to but you will get to keep your lands in your name"
He stuffed the very stack of documents that will end his career back in his suit's inner pockets. Still stressed but also filled with something unusual, a sense of satisfaction unlike any he had ever felt. He took one last look at the confused representative.
"The period of acceptable termination is ending and it is ending soon, share everything and I mean everything you learned right now with the people above you, goodbye"
He turned off the console and walked out of the room, soon breaking into a dead run, he'd catch a ship off-planet and eventually a ship off the star system he was in. He knew for a fact two whole generations before him worked for the same corp and they'd curse his name for eternity for throwing everything away but he couldn't help it.
He started his dreadful career by giving a small piece of himself away, eventually he gave the entirety of himself away, that is until they started asking for pieces of his soul. He gave them just as eagerly until he gave almost all of it away too. Now they asked for the last piece that mattered and he refused to give it over.
It was not worth the price, not worth his soul.
[--------------------]
My HFY Wiki Page
My Discord Server

To preface me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months. Let’s call his girl best friend T, and my boyfriend L for convenience. T and L have been friends for about 3 years now (so before me(19f) and L were together) they haven’t always been close but always been friendly and or in the same friend groups. me and T met through a mutual and us and said mutual became a trio.
Fast forward to me asking T if she would put me on with L since I thought he was cute, the first thing she said to me was “your not really his type but I’ll try”. Strange but I didn’t read too much into it. A couple weeks later after some dates me and L are Dating and she seems very happy for us, I see absolutely nothing weird going on. They often hang out together alone which I’m very understanding of because they were friends before we got together and I figured if there was something between them it would have already of happened and she had told me nothing had happened, plus she was also in a relationship. We four began to go on double dates, where my boyfriend would buy me lunch or a trinket or something to that effect but it seems she was getting jealous that he wasn’t also getting her something? She would get really pouty and short with me and my boyfriend despite her boyfriend also being there where could have easily bought it for her. She also tried to get my boyfriend to go to an empty church parking lot alone with her at like 11 o’clock at night to ‘take pictures’. My boyfriend invited me along as he thought it looked very odd from my pov, he told her about 10 mins before he was to pick her up that I would also be coming, which shouldn’t be weird considering me and T are also friends. She said that it was fine so we went to pick her up. Before we went to the parking lot, we decided to get a late night snack from the grocery store, T did not want to talk to me, and was clearly being very short with me -she even went as far as to hang back about 3 feet and basically ignore me, super weird but eventually we went to the parking lot. She took her pictures and I hung around my boyfriends car, eventually I lit cigarette to which I offered her one because she always wants a hit when I have mine, she said yes, but once they were done with their pictures, she immediately started fidgeting with my boyfriends two seater confused I asked, “didn’t you want one?” to which she replied “I just kinda wanna get out of here.” Hearing that from anyone else would’ve been perfectly normal, but that’s just not who she is or how she ever acts so I understandably found this odd. Fast forward to our first argument- i’m one of those people who repost everything they agree with on TikTok, that being said I had reposted some thing about girls being disrespectful to other girls relationships. She brought it up to L and asked if it was about her L said he had no idea, but it probably wasn’t and he can’t imagine that I would re-post some thing intentionally to make a dig at her- which was absolutely true, and after he confirmed with me, he told her it wasn’t. This did bother me, but I didn’t say anything, again I re-posted some thing about pick me’s or something to that effect which led her to send him paragraphs on paragraphs about how I was being disrespectful to their friendship, and was trying to control his life. He was completely taken aback and argued that it was nothing like that. He also reiterated time and time again that I did not control his life and let them hang out very regularly. She said some very nasty hurtful things, but eventually apologized as he made it very clear he would choose me every time. Fast forward again and T told one of my very close friends that she had a crush on L not that long ago to, obviously, my friend immediately told me as she knows all of the weird stuff that’s been going on prior to this, that definitely raised some major red flags for me. Recently her boyfriend left for the military and she’s been acting extra catty towards me. T got very upset with me over not letting her write her name on a graduation gift thatI spent my Hard earned money and time to make by hand. Saying I was being unfair and hurt her feelings, I was really confused, so I just apologized but reiterated that I did spend my money and time on them when she contributed nothing. Then we were at a party together with a lot of our mutual friends, after the party was over she texted my boyfriend about how me and our other friends completely ignored her and made her feel alienated and didn’t give her a proper goodbye when she left at least five hours early. She went on to call me and our other friends ignorant, which I have a huge problem with because she’s name calling ME to MY boyfriend. My boyfriend absolutely hates confrontation so apologize that she felt that way, but said that he didn’t think it was anything intentional and left it at that. I know he would never cheat on me and I told me multiple times he would always choose me over her and if I didn’t want them to talk anymore he would understand completely. I just have no idea what to do in the situation. I have no hard evidence that she has feelings for him just weird instances. How should I handle this?

I have an announcement about the future of this series. Some IRL stuff is taking up a lot of my time. It's nothing serious, so don't worry. As it stands, I simply don't have the time to write as much as I was before. This does not mean that I'm putting NiTH on hiatus. The series will continue. But, and there is a but. Since I don't have as much time to put into writing it, updates will likely be slower. As such, I won't be able to promise a consistent schedule. Or even a schedule at all.
I'll still try to keep it somewhat consistent. I just don't want people to freak out if there's a week with no update.
Many thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for this universe.
Prev - First - Next
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Chapter 16:
- Memory Transcription Subject: Meba, Venlil Computer Scientist
Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 20th, 2136
The boot was cool against my back. So was the rain, which was beating down again. Mud caked on my fur like resin, and the taste of dirt wouldn’t leave my mouth. The sound of wind beat on my eardrums like sticks on a drum. Gusts came in waves, bringing sheets of water careening through the air at an almost horizontal angle. I couldn’t see above the hips of our attackers with my head pressed to the ground. There was another sense that only Arlene was privy to, but that didn’t stop the experience from being thoroughly miserable.
I spit some of the grit out of my mouth. The only thing I could think of was how cold it was.
They must be warm, in their insulated suits.
“Why are you doing this?” I wanted to ask, though I didn’t.
Arlene was to my right, shivering. She would get hypothermia if she didn’t get out of the rain soon.
I was heaved to my feet, with a throbbing head, and shaky legs. I struggled in their grip, but that only netted me another blow to the face. My feet played hot potato with the ground, as it swayed out from under me, around, and back again. I almost wished it would open up and swallow me, swallow us all, just to be done with it.
One of the three brandished a baton, the others held Arlene and I. Were they the group from before? I couldn’t tell beneath the suits. My stomach exploded with pain, and I lost the fancy bunt leaf salad that Gram bought me.
The moment stretched on to infinity. My muscles clenching, my teeth chattering, and a bit of my drool getting to know the puddle on the ground. My wool helped a bit. Arlene didn’t have the luxury of padding.
Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look.
I looked.
Her usually white teeth were stained pink. The mask was lying in the mud, completely covered in it.
I looked away before I could glean anything else.
“Hey, buddy, you still with me?” Said the leader. Or, something along those lines; I couldn’t really hear him. He placed the baton under my snout and raised my head. Soon, he removed the baton and said something to his lackeys.
The ground started moving. No, I started moving. I was being dragged towards a tree, by my scruff. Arlene too. They pressed me up against the trunk; the wind was a little quieter under the canopy.
“There we go.” Said the leader. His voice sounded familiar. “Think you’re a tough guy, huh? Friends in high places? You gave us some real trouble, didn’t you!”
“Stop!” Arlene screamed.
Pain. Another blow. To my head. My vision blurred. I tried to stand. I couldn’t. Arlene. Was she okay? I couldn’t see. My chest lurched forward. Coughing. My coughing. I gasped for air. I tried to speak. I failed. He went for a kick. I was only partially able to block with my arms.
I fell to my side, gathering even more mud in my coat. I summoned every ounce of strength in my body, and raised my head. Arlene was there, struggling in their grasp. I don’t know how she could function through the pain.
She grabbed the exterminator behind her, and threw him over her shoulder, then slipped in the mud, and fell down… right on top of the him. He yelped in pain. The one with the baton turned their back to me. I groped around in the dark for something, anything. I found a rock.
“Freeze!” The exterminator yelled, barely audible over the storm.
NO!
I slammed the rock into the only vulnerable area I could reach: the groin. The suit had padding, but it wasn’t enough. He instantly dropped his sidearm, or rather, his sidearm dropped him, because he hit the ground first. I might have felt bad, if not—no, no I wouldn’t have.
Arlene struggled to her feet, blood still burning with alcohol. She stumbled towards us, hopped into the air, bringing one leg back behind her, and the other into the ground with all her weight. In an instant, her elevated leg swung forth with terrifying speed, boot blurring in the rain, mud flying off in an arc. I was lucky I wasn’t in the splash zone, because some would have gone into my mouth, which was hanging open like a faulty airlock.
It connected.
His head jerked backwards at an ugly angle, with such force that it might have snapped his neck, if he didn’t have the strong neck of a venlil. He fell over backwards, though so did Arlene, as inertia carried her leg higher and higher, until it was above her head, which soon found its place in the mud.
“Arlene!”
There was still one more exterminator. Arlene was down, and I was too far away. If the last one decided to pull his gun, one of us was going to die. I tried. I tried so hard to stand… but I couldn’t.
No sound pierced the rain.
I looked to the third, who was quite literally shaking in his boots. He didn’t pull any weapons, though he was cursing vehemently under his breath. He took a step towards Arlene.
“Don’t touch her!” I screamed, though he only froze for a moment before continuing.
He passed Arlene, and bent down by the leader. Both of the officers Arlene attacked were writhing in pain on the ground. The third looked to me, then to Arlene, and back to his squad. “Oh stars…” He heaved his boss up around his shoulders, and helped him limp away out of the yard.
“Dammit Lanek! Don’t leave me!” Said the one Arlene fell on, struggling to rise.
“I’ll be back!” Lanek replied.
While they were occupied, I crawled over to Arlene, clutching my stomach. “Arlene? Arlene, are you okay?”
She was pulling herself out of the mud. “Never better…” She growled. Arlene gave me a thumbs up; her face was discolored.
The second officer starting limping away, while Lanek returned to help him. Lanek offered his squad mate a shoulder, but he declined, only shuffling away faster. “Go brahk yourself!” He said, and Lanek was left standing near the gate.
He looked like a lost kid, glancing around the yard all worried. He locked eyes with me. I couldn’t think of anything snarky, or intimidating to say, so I just sighed.
Lanek bowed. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” He said, voice cracking. He scurried away, but I could only relax once the sound of the squad car’s engine was drowned out by the rain.
Arlene stood up, dragging me along with her. “Fuck, I’m too drunk for this.” She slurred.
Getting inside in the rain was a group effort. The wind pushed us to and fro, and out combined strength barely kept us upright. I collapsed at the bottom of the staircase, gasping and shaking. She pulled me up by my scruff, causing a considerable amount of pain. I would have complained, if there was another way I was getting up those stairs.
“Sweet baby jesus, please tell me you have your key.” She panted.
I was too focused on digging through my belongings to ask about the nickname, adhering even more mud to my already mud-covered bag. At least I didn’t have to worry about ruining my datapad, since it was already dead.
“Found it.” I shoved the key into the door, and ripped it open with all of my might.
Arlene dragged me the rest of the way in, slammed the door, and collapsed on my couch. I was left to close the locks. As I did so, I found my door looking a little sparse.
A few more locks wouldn’t hurt.
I chewed on my thoughts for a while. Yes, more locks sounded good. Very good. The more exotic the better. A bio-metric scanner was a must. Hell, why don’t we throw in a vault door while we’re at it? Locks don’t do anything unless the door is impenetrable. An auto-turret would go nicely with my new vault. I had to discourage intruders somehow. Scratch that, fifty would be better. I needed an air filtration system as well, so people couldn’t smoke me out. The walls would also need to be reinforced. No, moving inside a mountain would be better. I wasn’t made of money after all, and stone is just as good as steel if you have enough of it. I could have a hydroponics area, and a water recycling plant, so I wouldn’t have to go out to buy food. The only problem was power. Brahk it, I could just sap some illegally. No one would notice, right? Who was I kidding? Everyone would notice.
I laughed.
A fusion plant would be required as well then. It couldn’t be that hard. I could just have robots manage it. Real people would be cheaper, but that would defeat the purpose. Maybe I could make fake people too? Make an artificial town? That would be great! Everything would be perfect. I could make everything stable and safe. No one would mess it up. Not even Uanta. And I wouldn’t even need to worry about raids because it would be hidden inside a mountain.
It was time to stop messing around. I needed to clean myself. I needed to get a blanket for Arlene. And, I needed to check both our injuries.
The blanket was the easiest, and was done in no time at all. Cleaning myself was a little more time consuming. Besides my everything hurting, I was falling asleep, and my bathtub was being difficult. After an inordinate amount of messing with it, I concluded the boiler had broken… again.
Lovely place I’ve got here. Cold water it is!
I lowered myself into the glacial depths, cursing everything I could think of to curse. I ended up scrubbing the mud out of my coat while standing, almost falling over more than once. After I was clean, I inspected my body. I was pretty sure nothing was broken, but lots of things hurt. My head especially.
Trudging into the living room, I found Arlene laying on the couch. She had removed her coat and boots, leaving them by the front door. She had also turned the blanket the other way around so the side without the mud was on her. Everything would need to be cleaned next paw. Everything. Now she was well and truly sleeping, so I didn’t wake her. I did take a closer look at her face, which was bruised with blotches of yellow and purple not unlike the human protecting his friend at the riot. At least her nose stopped bleeding.
My heart finally stopped racing, and I yearned for sleep. But I couldn’t rest yet.
I went to my computer, and booted it up. The scarcely opened desktop messaging app would finally get some use. One to Uanta, and one to Gram.
“Do you know anyone called Lanek?”
“I’ll do it.”
- Memory Transcription Subject: Meba, Venlil Computer Scientist
Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 21st, 2136
I awoke to the sound of running water, and to sore muscles. Peeling myself out of my chair, I found my living room devoid of humans. That explained the noise coming from the bathroom. Taking a look around, I noticed that the mud she tracked in was gone, and my couch was in a somewhat better condition. There was a note written on a paper towel laying on one of the cushions. I think she forgot I couldn’t read human script.
Well, I would just have to ask her about it when she finished in the shower. If I had the time, that is. Looking at the clock, it was already time to leave for work. I didn’t even have the luxury of groaning in annoyance if I wanted to get there on time. So I grabbed my bag, shoved some stuff in the muddy thing, and opened the door.
Sidewalk, station, tube ride, station, and sidewalk passed by in a haze, and I soon found myself standing outside the building. I passed by several coworkers on the way up, all of whom gave me looks on varying levels of ‘Who is this homeless guy and why is he in the building?’. The ones who recognized me asked me what happened, to which my only reply was: “Rain.”
That didn’t explain the bruises, but it didn’t need to. My tone assured them that no matter what they said, their questions wouldn’t be answered. I did not get enough sleep for this. Not that it would have been any better if I did.
At my desk, there was a note taped to my computer. It said something about a party after work, to which everyone in the office was invited. I couldn’t glean anything more before I ripped it off and threw it in the trash. I inspected the rest of the area for other disturbances. No one touches my work space. No one. I spent the next eighth of a claw removing the residue left from the adhesive, wondering how I would install a lock on a doorless cubicle.
Once my desk was restored, I booted up my computer in preparation for work. There was quite a backlog. My paws felt clammy, and so did my brain. I had never been so furious in my entire life. Every time I thought of those bastards, my paws shook, and my ears twitched with anger. I felt so powerless. I had to do something.
But they’re exterminators. What can I do against them?
Crush them.
And how?
There wasn’t time to be daydreaming; I needed to focus. Even if I could get back at them right that second, it wouldn’t matter if I was starving on the streets, so I was resigned to work. I took a deep breath and began, fueled by the promise of a chance to fix my situation. Despite this, I didn’t get through half of it before I was called to the meeting room. I grumbled to myself before stomping out of my cubicle. The denizens of the water cooler watched me as I walked past. It reminded me of the restaurant.
I entered the meeting room, and faced my boss. There was an arrangement of folding tables forming a hollow square, with chairs lining the outer edge. The room was a similar shape to the table, with good lighting and clear air. Almost like a hospital. Behind the spot he was standing, was a whiteboard with various incoherent scribbles that I had no desire, much less hope of deciphering. This particular room functioned as both a meeting room and his office. Even after almost 9 rotations of business, the place still hadn’t lost all of its tech startup quirks. I would have liked to see the way the place was before it became reputable.
“Meba, good. It’s good to see you.” He said. Everything was always ‘good’ with him.
I signed a greeting with my tail.
“Don’t be shy, take a seat.” He motioned to a chair.
Of course he wanted me to take a seat. Presumably while he remained standing, just to show me how below him I was. Well, I had no choice, it would be a faux pas to decline. My standing in the office was already low enough as the resident recluse. I sat down.
He sat down across the table from me and took a deep breath. I hated how calm he was.
“I have some concerns about your work.” ‘Some concerns’. That’s shorthand for ‘I don’t like you’.
My heart rate sped up considerably. “Such as? I’ve always been productive, and I’m never late to work.” I almost hissed, utterly failing to keep my cool.
“Yes, well…” He paused for a second, studying me, as if I was on display in a museum. “You have been having some trouble lately, haven’t you?”
My ears stood straight up. “Just some minor setbacks. It’s nothing.”
“Minor.” He echoed.
“Y-yes.”
“Meba, you’ve delayed five requests.”
“I was just finishing them up as we speak.” I snapped back.
He sighed. “You see, this isn’t helping anything. I’m not trying to attack you.”
I didn’t reply.
“Look, I like you. You’re good at what you do. But, you’ve been slipping lately.”
I gulped, and my ears twitched.
He put his paws together on the table, and leaned over to me. “I think you should take some time off.” He said softly.
What does he think I am, a child?
“Not a chance.” I replied.
“Why not?”
“I’m not going to take time off.”
He sat back in his chair. “You still have all of this rotation’s vacation time. You know it doesn’t stack, right?” I almost couldn’t believe he said that to my face.
“I am well aware of how this company handles vacations.” I growled.
“Then why don’t you take one?” He said, ignoring, or perhaps unaware of my anger. “You haven’t taken a single paw off the entire time you’ve worked here.” He signed false concern.
“There’s no reason to.” I explained.
“If it’s the office you’re worrying about, don’t. It won’t explode just because you take some time for yourself.” He retorted.
‘We don’t need you’, huh?
“I know.”
He ruffled the fur on his head in frustration. “I can’t let you keep working like this. Not in good conscience. Please, just go home for a few paws. Go home and rest up.” He flicked his tail towards the door to send me off.
“I can’t.”
He gawked at me, incredulous. “Why not?”
“I just can’t. I have to work. It’s part of my schedule.” I mumbled.
“Your vacation would be paid.”
“That’s not it!” I snapped, speaking frantically. “That’s not it at all. What will I do instead of working, then? What? There would be no balance. Don’t you get it? Does anybody get it? I need this, or else everything will be messed up.” I gasped after running out of air, placing a paw over my mouth before the regret spilled out.
He stared at me, mouth hanging open, but saying nothing.
I glanced around the room, considering flight, but instead mumbling. “Sorry…”
We sat in awkward silence for a few moments, until he began to speak, solemnly. “Meba. That was extremely unprofessional. However, I’m going to let you off the hook this time. I don’t want to see anything like that again. You may keep working if you wish, but if your poor performance continues, I will be forced to fire you. I highly suggest you take some time off. I’ve seen people, good people, drive themselves into the ground doing this. I don’t want to see it happen again.”
I replied with a meek ear flick.
“You may leave.”
I replied by doing just that, hopefully not to return anytime soon. The march of shame back to my desk was punctuated by more stares. Every eye was burning with curiosity. I tried to ignore them, to varying success. My injuries were becoming quite hard to ignore too, with all the attention brought to them. The pain only made me angrier.
They trespassed. On my time. On my friend. In my own home.
Flopping back down in my chair, I got back to work. I couldn’t make anymore mistakes. No getting manipulated. No getting coerced. No getting ambushed. Certainly no setbacks at work. I wouldn’t make anymore mistakes. After all, I had faced not one, but two humans. I had survived an exterminator attack. As long as I kept my head, I would be in control. I wouldn’t be powerless.
Not anymore.
---
I returned home, satisfied that I had just done at least warded off the deadlines for a while. There was still much to be done, but for now, I could relax. This tranquility lasted for a few minutes, unill it dawned on me that I didn’t do the homework. Yet again, I had completely forgotten.
It’s fine, isn’t it? What are they gonna do, arrest me?
A shiver crawled up my spine and whispered into my ear, that yes, that is exactly what they would do. I would be arrested under suspicion of predator disease, and rot in a cell for the rest of my natural lifespan.
I pushed that thought into the corner of my mind before it could start causing problems. Arlene would protect me if that happened, I reasoned, though that logic was faulty. It didn’t matter. As long as I kept my head on straight, I didn’t care if I was lying to myself.
In my apartment, the TV was playing reruns of some tacky game-show, while Arlene lay passed out on the couch. There was an unfinished bowl of fruit on the table, sitting next to another one of her felting projects. This one wasn’t a venlil. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly. It was quadrupedal, with a pointy snout, and ears that were even more so. There was a little bump that barely passed as a tail on the backside of the thing. The most noticeable aspect though, was the two piercing eyes… which weren’t so piercing because their scale was of cartoon proportion, but I suspect a venlil unaccustomed to front facing eyes might have found it disturbing. Some earth animal, probably.
Now that I was getting a closer look at her, it was pretty bad. Well, the lack of fur might have made it look worse, but I couldn’t tell. There were bumps on her face of varying colors, and her bottom lip had been split open. Around one of her eyes sat a nasty ring of discolored skin, that look particularly painful. I couldn’t get a look at the rest of her, unless I removed the blanket, and probably her clothes too. Like I was going to do that. They were furless, after all. I would do a verbal check up on her after she woke.
After gawking long enough to get tired of standing, I sat my bag down and went to go check my messages. It was annoying to go to the desktop to do so. I would have to get my datapad fixed sooner rather than later.
There were replies from both Uanta and Gram. I decided to check Gram’s first.
“Good to hear! I’ll meet you after work next paw, yeah? I’ll be at the park by the library. We can talk more then.”
“P.S. Be ready to start by the time you get there. Don’t be late.”
I replied. “Got it.” Then, I checked Uanta’s.
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“Also, you didn’t reply to my last message.”
I should have expected that response. There was no way I could tell her what actually happened, or she would know that I was interacting with a human. That would be a first-class ticket to the facility. So, I would have to lie. And she was amazing at discerning lies.
A cold spot formed in the back of my head. There were so many ways it could go wrong. What would I do if she found out? What would my cover story even be? I clenched my jaw.
Keep cool, this has to be perfect. She’ll catch onto it if I’m sloppy.
“We ran into each other at-
No, that won’t work.
“He was patrolling near my-
Neither will that.
“He-
My drafting was interrupted by a knocking on the door.
Arlene.
“Brahk!” I hissed, shutting off my computer as fast as possible, and rushing to the living room. A second set of knocks signified the intruder’s impatience. Arlene was sitting up, still dazed from sleep. I shook her awake and dragged her towards the closet.
“Who’s there?” She whispered, eyes wide with fear.
“I don’t know. Just hide.” I replied in a similar tone, while opening the door for her.
She scrunched into place, shuffling behind a vacuum cleaner, and cursing. “My mask.” Arlene hissed. It was sitting under the table.
Another set of knocks, these much louder, made it clear that the owner was at no shortage of knocks of all shapes and sizes. “Meba?” Uanta called from the other side.
“Coming!” I lied, yanking the mask off the floor and passing it to Arlene as fast as my limbs permitted. While I was at it, I shoved her coat under the blanket along with her boots. Now that the human presence was sufficiently obscured, I unlocked the door and opened it, panting.
“Oh, did I interrupt something?” Uanta asked. She was wearing her suit, but the helmet was under her arm. “Are you alright?” She continued, when I didn’t respond.
“Fine. I’m fine.” I stammered, heart pounding.
She glanced behind me, towards the TV, which was still blaring the game-show’s theme song, and then back to me, with a look that could only say ‘you look like shit’. “I’m sorry to intrude on your rest claw. I’ve got some down time, so I thought I’d check up on you.”
I flicked an ear, unsure of what to say.
She blinked. “May I come in?”
“O-oh. Yes, of course.” I stepped out of the doorway, and once she entered, closed it behind her. I very deliberately led her to the kitchen counter, rather than the couch, to keep distance between us and Arlene. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Sure.” She swayed her tail happily behind her, placing her helmet on the counter. It looked stuffy. “Nothing alcoholic though. I’ve got to get back on the job in a quarter claw.”
There wasn’t any alcohol to offer anyway. Juice was the only drink I had besides water, so that’s what she got. After pouring us both a cup, I sat down on the stool on the other side of the counter. Anything to put something between us. It made me feel safer, though it didn’t have any such effect.
“How have you been?” She signed concern in tail language.
“Fine.” I sipped on my juice, trying to stay calm.
She scoffed. “You don’t look fine. What the brahk happened to you?”
Speh. Speh, speh, speh. I am so brahked.
“I…” I tapped on the side of my cup. I had never noticed its texture before. They were from a garage sale, on the other side of town; some old lady had them, but she was… expiring, mentally; didn’t need them anymore. Since- no, I couldn’t think of this right now. What do old people do? “I fell down the stairs.”
She gave me a disappointed look. “Stars, Meba. You have to be more careful.”
I shrugged, though the inside of my head was a dance floor.
She bought it? She bought it! I did it, I did it, I did it!
Uanta glanced off to the side, staring at the couch for a second, then locking eyes with me. “You haven’t been replying to my messages. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”
At least I had an excuse for this. “S-sorry, my datapad broke. I um, got caught in the rain, and it got wet.” I gestured to my muddy bag.
“You still have your home computer, don’t you? You messaged me last paw.” Uanta tilted her head to the side, ever so slightly. She was talking to me like she did to her exterminator colleagues. It scared me.
“W-well, I’m not home most of the time.”
Uanta took a sip of juice, and rolled her eyes. “Speaking of which. What business do you have with Lanek?”
My mind went blank. I didn’t have a cover story yet. I gulped down the rest of my juice, resisting the urge to say any form of ‘um’. “Um,” Obviously, I failed. “h-how do I put this?” I let out a stupid chuckle. “I met him a-after dinner last paw. He helped me up after I fell down the stairs. I wanted to thank him.”
“That’s it? I’ll pass on the message.” She sipped her juice.
“I-I was actually hoping to tell him myself.”
“I’m sorry. Exterminators are very busy. He’s relatively new, so he’ll be busy with training for a while. It’ll be easier if I tell him for you.”
I couldn’t let this lead slip through my claws. “B-but, I thought it would be good to… t-talk to more people.”
She gave me a reassuring tail sign. “Okay. I’ll see if I can get his info for you. Providing he’s okay with it.” She paused, taking my paws in her own. “I’m really happy you’re reaching out.” This was the first time since she enlisted that I heard her so giddy. It made me feel homesick, but there was no home to be sick for. Not anymore. I’d have to settle for phantom pains, I guess.
“Thank you.” I refilled both our cups.
She was easier to deceive than I thought. She always seemed so perceptive, but maybe I had been blowing it out of proportion.
“What’s that thing on your table?” She inquired.
“What thing?” I snapped back, worried.
“That little figurine.” She pointed to the felted creature with her tail.
My whole body froze, and any confidence I had vanished in an instant.
“Meba?”
“I-I… made it.”
“Oh? I thought you weren’t interested in the arts.” Disregarding the irony of her calling a human made object art, this was bad. Very bad. “What is it?” She stared at me.
“A wool doll.” I stated reflexively.
She chuckled. “That doesn’t really explain much.”
“It’s a doll made out of wool…”
Uanta rolled her eyes. “No, you’re pulling my tail. It couldn’t possibly be that.”
“I don’t know how else to explain it!” I grumbled.
“What’s it supposed to be?”
This, I did not know. What did it look like? “It’s a… a shadestalker.”
“What are you making that sort of thing for?” She asked gravely.
I coughed. “I uh… I thought I could use it as a distraction if a human approached me.”
That was perhaps the dumbest thing you could have said.
Uanta clicked her tongue in a similar way to Arlene. It was uncanny. “I told you to stop with those stupid defense tactics. You’re gonna get yourself killed!” She jabbed a claw at my chest, and I flinched. “Stars… I’m sorry, Meba. It’s just, you worry me to death. I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt.”
“Y-yeah.” I put my paws on my thighs.
“I’m so tired. Of all this predator shit.” She held her head in her paws. “It’s only getting worse. The whole galaxy is going to hell. Just like home. I don’t want that.” She took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to see that again.”
“Me neither.”
Uanta composed herself “I’m sorry. I should get going. There’s work to be done.” She said, gulping down the last of her drink. “I’ll come by next paw. We’ll have more time to talk then.” She turned her gaze to the couch again, lingering there for a moment, then turning back to me. “Goodbye.”
She left, and I locked the door behind her with a sigh of relief.
“She seems nice.” Arlene said, crawling out of the closet.
I rolled my eyes.

I'm sharing as this feels like a safe place. Do interact in the comments and it's gonna be long.

1. Her-

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love- In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end- Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.

Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on-

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

My first reddit post, hope you guys go easy on me.

1. Her

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end

Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.
Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

I have posted once maybe twice about mother. I'm more of a lurker and have been for a long time. Mother was cruel to me most of my life. I was the unwanted daughter, the scapegoat, the black sheep of the family. I learned to stand up for myself and my son many yrs ago. Mother and I had our ups ans downs for so many yrs. In the past yr she surprisingly changed for the better. We would talk and even hang out with each other. She apologized to me and told me she loved me and was proud of me. I still kept my guard up. In late Jan we found out she had an aggressive pancreatic cancer. Then she caught an infection and sepsis happened. She spent most of the last few months in the hospital. She passed away this past Sunday surrounded by all her children. I am not an emotional person. I haven't cried at all. I do feel sadness for her passing. I'm at peace. I just feel broken cause everyone is crying around me. Yet I haven't even shed a tear. I tried crying but it just isn't there. Has anyone experienced this with a just no?
***I don't know if this correct way to respond to everyone. I was overwhelmed in a good way by all the replies full of love and support. I thank you all for this. My sisters and I gathered at my home often the mass. We decided creamate Mother. We didn't extend the invite to anyone else since we spent the last week allowing all of mother's friends and family to go say their goodbyes before she passed. I still didn't shed a tear but I'm at peace. I'm not an emotional person. As a child I wasn't allowed to have emotions and I guess that's something that never went away. So me not crying isn't unusual. My sisters and brothers weren't bothered and understood. I comforted them and our children. Now we are taking the little steps to start moving on and will still make sure to stay as close as we have always been. I think this brought us closer as siblings. Again thank you everyone. I feel better for being my true self. I will miss Mother. I will hold on to the good memories but never forget the bad ones.

I've always wondered what the ages of all the characters of the main cast are. To do that, we'd first need to know precisely what Hope's Peak Academy and the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juvinilies are.
According to the game, Hope's Peak Academy is, "a government-funded, elite high school that recruits the top students from every field imaginable to inspire hope." In Japan, students attend high school from ages fifteen to eighteen.
The Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juvinilies has no set description, however, the term juvinilies suggests that only eighteen or younger will attend, so it's safe to assume that this too, is a high school.
However, this can both be confirmed by the fact the alternate name for Ultimates are, "Super High School Level."
Next, we would have to look at the timeline. Going to the cast of Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havok, Class 78th. We know for certain that this group attended one year of standard education at Hope's Peak Academy, at the end of which they locked themselves within the school and were made to believe that their school life had only just begun. If they joined the school ages 15-16, then their current age in the game would be 16-17.
We know that the cast of Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair, are one year older than the first cast. This is because they are class 77-B (compared to 78th). So, they would be aged between 17-18.
The legal drinking age in Japan is 20. Thus, Yasuhiro Hagukure (whose opening line involves inviting Makoto to go drinking) at the start of the game likely believes he is at least 20, but is in actuality at least 21 (as one year of their life was forgotten).
According to the official Wiki, "Komaru is a teenager around high school age, who is described in the Danganronpa 1.2 Reload Artbook to be a year younger than her brother Makoto. However, when scanned by Monokuma during Ultra Despair Girls, it estimates her to be fifteen to seventeen." She has to be younger than Makoto. Danganronpa 1.2 takes place after Danganronpa: Trigger Happt Havok, meaning that Makoto around that time is 16-17, so Komaru is 15-16 ASSUMING THH's survivors were the same age upon joining the Future Foundation.
A "L'il Ultimate," from Danganronpa 1.2 are also called "Super Elementry School Level." Elementry school in Japan runs for students between 6-12.
V3's cast are way more difficult to work out, because they don't start school at the beginning of the game. They're already in school, get kidnapped, and somehow end up at the academy. Ignoring the whole fiction aspect that could suggest they are actors of different ages, all we'd have to work with is that they were all high school students (due to the SHSL talents), so they are between 15-18.
Taking the start of Danganronpa 3 as our cut off point, by that point, the ages of the characters (at MINIMUM) would be:
Warriors of Hope: 6-12. Komaru Naegi: 15-16. Class 78th (excluding Yasuhiro Hagukure): 16-17. Class 77-B: 17-18. Yasuhiro Hagukure: 21.
And then V3's cast would all be 15-18.
Issue:
All students have an insignia of their old school on their uniform somewhere. Think Makoto's pin badge or the symbols on Yasuhiro's jacket. Why is this a problem? Well, the name of these schools can be found in the official art books, and many of them include, "High School," at the end, suggesting that all of the characters have graduated high school already. This would in turn make Hope's Peak more of a university instead of a high school, providing further education. If that was the case, then everyone except the Warriors of Hope and Komaru could be an additional three years older, but this makes everything go wrong, so I looked things up myself and apparantly Kodaka said that all the main cast are between 18-20 and now I feel stupid. Perhaps this can be negated by suggesting that Hope's Peak look for students performing well in their current high school (for academic, creative arts, sports, or other activities) and recruit them FROM those schools, but I've got no damn idea.
At the very least, I suppose I've pointed out the contradictions in the ages, I guess, haha.

INFJ male internal state of mind:
My stomach churned, a familiar knot tightening with each insistent beat of my heart. "There it is again," I thought, the voice in my head dripping with cynicism. "It's happening again." The fear, that cold dread that had haunted past relationships, threatened to consume me. Was Christina just another chapter in this awful cycle? Would she, like the others, eventually grow tired of my emotional baggage and the walls I built around myself?
Doubt gnawed at me, replaying past conversations, searching for inconsistencies, for hidden meanings that confirmed my deepest fears. Had her compliments been genuine, or simply a prelude to the inevitable disappointment? Was her laughter truly because of me, or just a mask for a growing frustration? The more I overanalyzed, the more distorted reality became.
The familiar tremor started in my fingers, a cold sweat prickling my palms as I reached for my phone. With each passing second, the silence from Christina stretched into an eternity, fueling the relentless voice in my head. "See? This is it. She's lost interest, just like all the others." The past echoed in my ears, a chorus of failed connections and emotional goodbyes. Was Christina simply the next verse in this melancholic song?
My thumb hovered over the screen, dreading what I might find – a curt message, a strained explanation, or worse, radio silence. Finally, taking a fortifying breath, I unlocked the phone and braced myself. But instead of the emptiness I expected, a single notification bloomed on the screen: "New message from Christina."
A flicker of hope ignited in my chest, a fragile flame battling the storm of doubt. With trembling fingers, I opened the message, each word a lifeline thrown across the churning sea of my anxieties. As I read her letter, her words washed over me, a soothing balm on my troubled soul.
My breath caught in my throat as I reread the letter. It wasn't just the playful teasing about my outlandish theories; it was the warmth in her words, the effortless way she connected with me on a deeper level. The anxieties began to recede, replaced by a wave of reassurance. This wasn't a cold goodbye, it was an invitation, a reminder of the unique bond we shared.
Shame washed over me for letting my self-doubt cloud my perception. Christina wasn't another casualty of my past, she actively cared, nurturing our connection with simple gestures. A wave of gratitude crashed over me, a silent thank you for her patience and understanding.
Taking a deep breath, I felt a newfound resolve. My old wounds might still ache, but Christina's letter was a testament to her unwavering support. With a newfound lightness in my step, I typed a response, pouring my heart out, vowing to be more open and honest with her. Maybe, just maybe, with open communication and a little trust, this time truly could be different.
Thoughts, entj ladies?

During our (25f, 35m) almost two years together, he:

• Undressed me and had sex with my limp body after I told him "not right now" (I had just accidentally hit a cat with my car a few hours before, and I was a mess because of that). I was crying and covering my face with my hands, and I was too mentally exhausted to push him off of me or do anything. He later said he wasn't aware I was crying.
  
• Forced me several times to have sex when he was drunk and I kept saying no because I felt uncomfortable with him being drunk. The only time I resisted, he became so heartless, cold and sulky, which caused me to burst into tears and have a huge fight which I honestly thought would be the end of the relationship (it wasn't).
  
• Would "jockingly" punch my arms or thighs, slap the back of my neck, push me down, pull my hair, etc. He even left bruises once or twice, but that's just because I don't get bruises easily. Whenever I said it hurt and asked him to stop, he said it couldn't possibly hurt since he wasn't actually hitting me, he was just playing. If I tried to hit him back in the same "jocking" manner, he would hit me harder.
  
• Constantly criticized my looks. "why don't you put on some make up? Why don't you cut/dye/style your hair? Look at your colleagues, they take care of themselves, don't you want to look like them? Don't you want to be a lady? Why don't you want to have breast surgery to fix those uneven boobs?". I had clean yet baggy clothes, I showered twice a day, used deodorant, washed my hair, flossed and brushed after every meal. I just don't look anything like the models and porn actresses he is obsessed with.
  
• Withheld affection. He would literally shove me and push me when trying to hug him, telling me to leave him alone. He wouldn't hold my hand, no goodbye hug, nothing. It took over half a year to get him to cuddle sometimes. Most of the time, I have to beg, literally beg him to let me hug him for just 2 seconds. He is always in a hurry or not in the mood for being touched.
  
• Gave me the silent treatment/disappeared for days and weeks. During this time, I couldn't sleep or eat, my heart was racing and my mind was overwhelmed with thoughts of how I may have hurt him, how I should've behaved differently, how it's my fault he is upset. Before we were serious, he ghosted me on New Year's Eve and came back after 3 months.
  
• Would constantly hurry me, walk ahead of me, not wait for me, cut me off when walking down the street and had to make a turn, even though I repeteadly told him it was bothering me.
  
• Would always tell me I'm stupid and immature for liking flowers, bugs, anything nature. Criticized me for taking too many photos of every little thing, for picking flowers, for everything "soft hearted". He always shuts me down when I try to tell him about a trip I've been on or show him photos (and he never wants to come with me when I invite him).
  

Finally, the last straw was how he treated my dogs. I have one senior dog, Jack, and I also recently adopted one year old Nero, who was found abandoned and injured.
My boyfriend very much disliked my older dog. He would say Jack is just a mutt, he is ugly, fat and old, and I should just take him to the slaughterhouse or something. He made stupid jokes like this all the time. He told me not to let Jack sit in front of him because he didn't want to have to look at him and couldn't stand him.
With my younger dog, that's a different story. Nero is likely not a mutt, he appears to be purebred. My boyfriend liked him because of that, so he would eagerly ask to hold Nero when we were walking the dogs. From the very beginning he treated him roughly though. He would forcibly pick him up, throw him around, set him off on cats, push him, shove him, pull onto the skin on his back and neck, etc. I asked him not to roughhouse the dog like that all the time, or at least keep it light, because all it did was teach the pup to be agressive, but he wouldn't listen.
What he did yesterday made my blood boil with rage. He picked Nero up and literally threw him onto Jack's back. Of course Jack started yelping and tried to bite Nero. I snapped. That was the only time I ever yelled at my boyfriend. I screamed at him at the top of my lungs, asking if he's an idiot. Jack is old, his legs are achy, and my boyfriend just threw another fully grown dog onto his back. Moreover, I've been struggling to make the dogs get along and live together, and now you're trying to pit them against each other?!?
After the initial shock and rage, I asked him to apologize at least. He refused. He said he had done nothing wrong. He thinks I'm too soft, I treat those dogs too gently, it's ok to play roughly, they're dogs afterall, it's not hurting them.
It's funny how he could abuse me in any way possible, and I let it go on, I even tried to justify his abusive ways. He took so much from me, my enthusiasm and love for everything I once enjoyed. But when it came to my dogs, I just snapped. When things got physical with my dogs, I finally found it in me to fight back. Now I think this young pup and I were meant to meet and save each other.

The Story Breakdown
Prologue
1) From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the Universe, comes a legend. The legend of the Voltrons: Defenders of the Universe. Three mighty robots, loved by good, feared by evil. As the Voltrons' legend grew, peace settled across the galaxies. On Planet Earth, a Galaxy Alliance had been formed. Together with the good planets of our Solar System, they maintained peace throughout the known Universe until a new, horrible set of menaces threatened the galaxies. The Voltrons are needed to save innocent worlds of the galaxies once more. This is the story of the super force of space explorers. Specially trained, entrusted and sent by the Alliance with the ancient secrets of how to assemble and bring back, Vehicle Voltron: Defender of the Near Universe (Milky Way Galaxy).
Act I
2) We open on scenes of the Vehicle Voltron Force before they even applied to the Galaxy Alliance Academy. Cinda and Krik watch out for each other as childhood friends growing up on the strife-laden planet Dulcinea. Marvin cheers on his friend Hutch at the 2976 Olympics in weightlifting while Lisa swims her way to a victory. Young little Tangor entertains friends and family at a birthday party on planet Galileo by playing a virtuoso lounge piano repertoire. And Cliff was a professional racing driver racing his way to the winner's circle in Australian championship touring car races until he builds and launches an unsafe rocket which crashes outside the University he is studying at. A young James Hawkins comforts Cliff and invites him to join the Alliance.
3) At the Galaxy Alliance Fleet Headquarters in Tokyo Bay, Jeff and Chip are saying goodbye to their families as they prepare to board the docked heavy exploration and battle cruiser the Explorer/Rugger Guard. Hurrying aboard, Jeff hurries to meet with his old classmates Krik and Cliff who are now his shipmates and partners as they meet with their Commanding Officer, Captain Newley; and Executive Officer, Commander Hawkins. From the nearby docks, well-wishers and family members give the Explorer a well-deserved sendoff on its mission to chart the Milky Way Galaxy's unknown sectors and to find new planets to colonize and or terraform to solve problems of overpopulation and resource scarcity. As he does so, Jeff cannot help but think of his older sister.
4) It is the year 2981, and the Explorer lifts off out of the waters of Tokyo Bay and rises into the sky to meet up with a required fleet of support ships for both fuel, food, water, waste management, munitions and even their escorts of offense and defense. Captain Newley comes to the Crew Lounge before his science officer Professor Page arrives to hand out assignments. It will be some time between going to hyperskip upon exiting the Solar System and exiting hyperskip in their first potential port of call - the Likon system. While they wait, the Captain chooses to pass the time by telling the crew the story from his childhood of Vehicle Voltron, and his hopes of maybe recovering it to protect the Alliance. Cliff and Krik can tell their is tension between Newley and Jeff.
5) Professor Page then hands out assignments courtesy of both Newley and Hawkins. Jeff Aki Manabu #1 is assigned to lead the AiStrato Fighters Team with Rockford "Rocky" Kai Shinobu #2, Shota Wolo "Wolo" Kreutz #3, young Chipley Yasuo Mutsu "Chip" Stoker #4 and Patricia Ginger "Ginger" Ellington #5. Krik Miranda Keats #6 takes charge of the Sea/Aqua Fighters Team with Lisa Haruka Kaga #7, Saluta Tangor "Tangor" Katz #8, one Shannon Tatsuo Izumo Cochrane #9 and Zandee Barros Carateja #10. Finally, Walter Clifford "Cliff" Jack #11 is given command of the Land/Turbo Terrain Fighters Team with Cinda Moya Qiligasz #12, Modok Mack Chucker #13, Marvin Tasuku Izu #14 and his best friend Kazuto Hutch "Hutch" Nagato #15 rounding the teams all out.
6) The Explorer and her fleet soon arrive in the Likon system, when they sight an imposing-looking starship orbiting the planet. Curious as to its intentions, Newley and Hawkins attempt to open a channel to hail the vessel and make contact. The ship turns to face the fleet and gives an identification as the Skull Ship cruiser (space battleship that can carry Stinger fighters) of Fleet Commander Zabar Gramont who then declares the Explorer and its fleet intruders in the territorial annex of the Drule Empire. The Skull Ship opens fire on the Explorer, forcing down towards the hostile surface of Likon. Jeff, Krik and Cliff help crew and passengers brace for impact as Hawkins and Newley fight to regain flight control near where Janet had been reported missing.
Act II
7) Zabar reports the intruders and actions taken against them to his first superior, Chief Commander Hazar Dorita Teles of the Galvestonian Drules back on the planet of Galveston - which has been christened the Drule Homeworld by its first emperor, Drule I. Hazar arrives at the palace of the current Emperor, Zeppo Corsair, and delivers his report to the Emperor's Viceroy, Throk Al Caponero. From a first glance, it is clear that Throk and Hazar are not the best of friends nor do they seem to get along for the sake of the Empire. Zeppo is definitely concerned about the Alliance-launched space expedition, but he wants Hazar to use what he deems necessary to remove the Explorer quickly but quietly. Some of the rank and file share a look of concern with fellow Hazar.
8) Having managed to safely land the Explorer in a lagoon near a beach, Hawkins and Newley address the crew as they set up camp for the night. Noticing the lowered moods of the crew, Tangor decides to break out his lounge keyboard and play some acoustic lounge tunes to keep the atmosphere high and hopes up. Noticing a strange figure carved in the stones of a cliff near their camp site; Jeff, Cliff and Krik scurry over to check it out. Bringing Newley, Hawkins and Page over to analyze it, Newley is ecstatic that they may actually have found the resting place of the fifteen fighters that form the Vehicle Voltron (known in the ancient texts as Dairugger XV). Hawkins is skeptical, but is willing to organize search parties to determine if it will turn out to indeed be true.
9) A very conflicted Hazar leaves the Imperial Palace for his Skull Ship as one of his Centurions walks alongside him. Unlike the top brass who see the Drule Military as mere numbers to send against their enemies, Hazar has made it a point to know every one of his officers and soldiers' own individual names by heart and on sight. He confers his feelings about the top brass to the Centurion, as they walk back to the dry dock where the Skull Ship is parked. The Centurion worries that they may have awoken and provoked an innocent creature, namely the Galaxy Alliance, into becoming a greater threat than any they have ever faced. Hazar, surprisingly, shares the sentiment as he walks in step with the Centurion. They should have tried negotiating to be left in peace.
10) Back on Likon, the Air Team is to conduct a wingsuit search of the skies to find the cliff that the five buried fighters of Strato Fighter will be found. Wolo and Rocky take time to analyze the air and humidity ratio for the climatology results until Chip reports that the cliff that the five Strato Fighter ships are buried in has just been sighted. Jeff unearths the Command Jet Explorer as #1, Rocky locates the Strato Weapons Module to deem it #2, Wolo finds the red Advanced Recon Helicopter making it #3, Chip comes up to the blue Advanced Recon Helicopter for #4, and Ginger takes the Falcon Jet Fighter as #5 returning to the skies. Powering them up, they fly their fighters back and form Strato Fighter for Captain Newley, Professor Page and Commander Hawkins.
11) In the meantime, Zabar is plotting with a cabal of his own officers to eliminate or at least humiliate Hazar enough so that he himself will become Chief Commander of the Galvestonian Drules instead and maybe even ingratiate himself to Throk and Zeppo. But first, he will have to find a way to draw the Explorer and her support fleet into a trap and destroy them. Zabar locates his opportunity on the habitable garden world of Galateia - if he were to destroy its capital city and the humanoid Galateians' leadership, he could exploit the planet's vast resources for his own as carve out a seat of power there. He orders his Skull Ship and support fleet to lay in a course for the nearest Earth colony planet near the system of Likon as a distraction from the Galateia assault.
Act III
12) Since Lisa and Shannon are the best Terrans in experience with water-based situations, they are the main advisors to Krik as they soon conduct a scuba diving sweep of the water for the sunken fighters that will form the Aqua Fighter. They soon find them and begin preparing to board a fighter to claim as their very own. Krik names the Communications Module #6, Lisa manages to access the red Space Prober to become #7, Tangor stakes his claim on the blue Space Prober for #8, Shannon claims dibs on the blue and red Multi-Wheeled Explorer as #9, and Zandee finishes it with the blue and yellow Multi-Wheeled Explorer as #10. They power their ships up and fly back to the Explorer as the Aqua Fighter whilst at the same time impressing Air Team.
13) En route through hyperskip towards the Alliance world of Galileo, Zabar stands above the hangar of his Skull Ship to address his mass of Centurion soldiers and Stinger fighter pilots. He declares that they will all have the support of thirteen Robeasts to help devastate the Alliance defense forces to draw their attention from their real target in the Galateia system. The thirteen Robeasts platoon consist of Crush Crab, Titanic Tick, Dragonoid, Neo Crush Crab, Antropoda, Cannon Mantis, Cyan Commando, Necro-Thresher, Cyberbug, Spy Crawler, Electrobeast, Mutant Sphere, and the Dread Sinistar piloted by Zabar himself. The laser tanks and Stinger fighters will follow Robeasts in to attack the outer defense posts of Galileo as merely the distractions.
14) It will be a very tough hike as the Land Team sets off for the canyon where the caved in fighters that will combine into the Turbo Terrain Fighter. When it seems as though Hutch cannot carry on, it is in fact Marvin who carries him over his shoulder to keep moving to survive the desert. Modok soon sights the canyon and they make a run for the five Turbo Terrain Fighter component ships. Cliff takes the Jet Radar Station as #11, the black and yellow Rotating Personnel Carrier is nabbed by Cinda for #12, Modok calls dibs on the black and red Armored Equipment Carrier as #13, the yellow All-Terrain Space Vehicle is made #14 by Marvin, and Hutch finishes it with #15 being the black All-Terrain Space Vehicle to take off and make the Turbo Terrain Fighter.
15) Zabar and his Robeasts are already leading squadrons of Stinger fighters on attack runs against the Galaxy Alliance's outer defense posts in the orbit of planet Galileo. The Alliance scrambles every fighter and or capital ship they can to destroy the Stingers and laser tank transports before they can reach the surface of Galileo, and they succeed, but are all cut to pieces by the Robeasts before Zabar orders a retreat and to set a course for the Dulcinea system. The Alliance Planetary Governor overseeing Galileo relays word to the Dulcinea and Earth systems of this attack, and request that aid be sent from the Explorer and her fleet. Hawkins and Newley both receive the distress calls as their three teams return in triumph with Strato, Aqua and Turbo Terrain Fighters.
16) The AiStrato, Sea/Aqua and Land/Turbo Terrain Teams hurry to the bridge of the Explorer to await all the news. Essential repairs made to the Explorer have been completed and they are able to get airborne again, but they have just received distress calls from Wolo's and Tangor's planet Galileo, and both Krik and Cinda's planet of Dulcinea; both of them major member worlds of the Galaxy Alliance's Milky Way Jurisdiction. Modok is now curious as to why the Drules are making passes at well-armed Alliance worlds, but Zandee is correct in a well-educated guess that this is just a test of their strength so to distract from a real target. Doctor Page asks Chip to help him pinpoint habitable planets near the Likon system as they scan nearby planets with atmospheres.
Act IV
17) They detect the habitable and inhabited world of Galateia just one hyperskip jump away from their current location, and it is certainly not under Drule control. Ginger tells Jeff and Captain Newley they will have to move if they are to have any chance of driving the Drules from this part of space, but Commander Hawkins does not want to get all hasty. He wonders if he could maybe contact like-minded Drules on the other side and maybe work out a deal for peace. In response, Ginger points out the complete destruction of the defense outposts surrounding the Dulcinea and Galileo systems that the Drule forces have wrought - they have the Drules' words and actions to go on for the prospect of war. They feel the duty to protect every people possible.
18) Hawkins make another pass to try and make peace with the Drules as he sends via subspace a hyperskip communique to Zabar and his forces. If Zabar and his forces were to stop their needless and fruitless attacks on the Galaxy Alliance and its worlds, both the Empire and the Alliance may be able to formulate a mutually beneficial peace treaty and armistice. Zabar is incensed by the audacity of this infidel human trying to make peace with him, and he responds by sending a video message of Emperor Zeppo via hyperskip communique to the Explorer. As long as there are just 1% chances that any civilization could rise up against and threaten their vast empire, the Drules must take it as the absolute certainties to wipe them out so the empire is safe.
19) This gesture finally puts Hawkins' hopes for peace with the Drules on the back burner for now as he defers to his commanding officer Newley. Jeff, Krik and Cliff report that all fifteen of their three five-member five-ship teams are ready to go. With the Strato, Aqua and Turbo Terrain Fighters capable of splitting and recombining into the Vehicle Voltron, the legend that Newley was told once as a bedtime story may finally be coming true at long last - and there may yet be a chance to bring peace to the galaxies by Voltron. Newley and Hawkins order a course laid in for the Galateia system and that all teams - Air, Land and Sea - scramble to their fighters and prepare for battle with the Drule attack forces. The hangar deck teams are assisted in this by their pilots.
20) Skull Ships and support craft of Zabar's fleet are led by the Robeasts as they close on the Galateia system. Hazar is aboard one of the Skull Ships trailing behind Zabar's to monitor his underling's progress. The thirteen Robeasts then fire salvos of laser fire towards the outer defenses of the planet. As their planet is starting to be rocked by the Drules' attack on their mostly peaceful world, the people of Galateia appeal to their Chieftain to send out a distress signal - for their defenses are adequate for taking down Drule starships such as the Stinger fighters and support craft, but not so many and not against the Robeasts. With that, the Galateian Chieftain decides to call forth the aid of any nearby ships. Galateians rush to find cover from the attacking Drule forces.
21) Reception of the Galateians' distress signal reaches the Explorer and Captain Newley who has good news for the Chieftain. He and his crew have with them the force that can beat back this assault - Dairugger XV (Fifteen), also known as Vehicle Voltron. Aid for the people of Galateia is on the way as of that moment. The Explorer and her vast support fleet prepare to exit hyperskip upon entry to the Galateia system, and the Vehicle Voltron Force rushes via people moving chair conveyor systems to their docked vehicle fighters. Launching out from the triple hangar bay of the Explorer, the fifteen vehicle fighters of the Vehicle Voltron Force begin their planetary entry to assess what Zabar's attack plan is and feeding targeting data to the Explorer's main guns.
Act V
22) Ginger, Lisa and Cinda soon pinpoint the Robeasts' intended target - the capital city of Galateia, its ground perimeter and its sea-based defenses. They will have to hurry in order to stop Zabar and his attack. Jeff and the Air Team bring their fighters together to form the Strato Fighter, Krik and the Sea Team combine their fighters to form the Aqua Fighter, and finally Cliff and the Land Team unite their fighters to form the Turbo Terrain Fighter. Strato Fighter scours the air to find a way through the Robeasts' air blockade as Wolo and Chip start performing calculations and continue feeding targeting data. Turbo Terrain Fighter zooms across the ground to bolster turrets, and Aqua Fighter goes on silent running to lure the air superiority Robeasts into the open.
23) Jeff and his Air Team move in to take on Crush Crab and Titanic Tick. Krik and his Sea Team begin their attack runs on Dragonoid and Neo Crush Crab. Antropoda and Cannon Mantis soon find their mandibles full of fire from Cliff and his Land Team. They all make short work of the monsters. Seven Robeasts which include Zabar's remain, but laser and missile blasts from the Strato, Aqua and Turbo Terrain fighters cannot making a dent in their armor. This is the signal Jeff, Krik and Cliff take so to call for forming Voltron. Activating interlocks, connecting their dynotherms, bringing up their infracells, and setting their mega-thrusters to go; the Vehicle Voltron Force is go to form and battle. A heavenly chorus sounds through the energy (with the Voltron theme).
24) With that signal, the AiStrato, Sea/Aqua and Land/Turbo Terrain teams begin to form Vehicle Voltron for the first time in millennia. Strato Fighter splits to form the Head #1 (Jeff), Upper Torso #2 (Rocky), Right Upper Arm #3 (Wolo), Left Upper Arm #4 (Chip) and Chest Plate #5 (Ginger). Aqua Fighter splits to form the Torso Midriff #6 (Krik), Left Thigh #7 (Lisa), Right Thigh #8 (Tangor), Right Shin #9 (Shannon) and the Left Shin #10 (Zandee). Finally, the Turbo Terrain Fighter splits to form the Lower Torso/Hips #11 (Cliff), Right Forearm #12 (Cinda), Left Forearm #13 (Modok), Right Foot #14 (Marvin) and Left Foot #15 (Hutch). The team cheers as the remaining Robeasts shudder and gasp with fright upon seeing Vehicle Voltron: Defender of the Near Universe.
25) Vehicle Voltron then joins the big battle for Galateia. Cyan Commando, Necro-Thresher, Cyberbug, Spy Crawler, Electrobeast and Mutant Sphere are cut down in that exact order by the Solar Combat Spears, Energy Beam Whip, Eye and Wing Beams, Solar Wind Blast and finally the Spinning Laser Blades. With only the Dread Sinistar being piloted by Zabar left to contend with, the time has come to turn the Spinning Laser Blades into the long-awaited Blazing Sword. Jeff gives the order to charge as Voltron surges forward sword first and makes a powerful slash right through Zabar. Voltron then pumps its fists as Zabar and his Robeast explode off in the distance behind them. With Zabar soundly defeated with shouting curses, Hazar reluctantly orders a retreat.
26) When the signal is given to be clear, the Alliance exploration fleet is given some coordinates to touch down from both Vehicle Voltron Force and the people below. The grateful people of Galateia rally around the Galaxy Alliance Starship Explorer and her support ships to thank the Vehicle Voltron Force for saving their planet. Jeff, Krik and Cliff thank each and every member of their team as they engage in a sharing culture and history with the Galateians meeting with them. The Galaxy Alliance has a new member world as all fifteen members of the Vehicle Voltron Force and its three teams of five people - AiStrato, Sea/Aqua and Land/Turbo Terrain - raise their right hands and jump for joy alongside Vehicle Voltron doing likewise as the camera freezes mid-jump.
Epilogue (Preview Summary for Vehicle Voltron II: The Fall of Hazar)
27) And with the defeat of Commander Zabar; the names of Voltron, Vehicle Voltron and Earth would once again strike fear in the hearts of the Drule Empire and its Milky Way Galaxy vassals the Galvestonians. Even so, Hazar and friend Captain Mongo Drake carry the grim knowledge of the Drule Homeworld -their Planet Galveston - to be doomed to destroy itself by mysterious circumstances within one to three Earth years. Seeing how valiantly the Vehicle Voltron Force fought to protect innocents, this sparks something in Hazar that he will only tell his sister Dorma Sirk and father Mozak Socrat Teles. As Hazar and Commander Hawkins attempt to seek a peace, Throk and Zeppo plot to threaten Hazar's family which is only foiled by a renegade Drule Skull Ship rescuing P.O.W.s...

This is my first Reddit post so please forgive any mistakes.
My (f 24) cousin (f 28) got engaged and took a LONG time to plan anything for the wedding. She kind of last minute sent out invitations. She planned it a week before my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary, which was a big party that was planned at a banquet hall long before she started planning her wedding. Everyone was aware and invited to the anniversary celebration, and the date was specifically decided together by everyone in the family to make sure everyone could attend. My grandparents ended up calling off their anniversary party because of the wedding. They were upset, but they wanted to celebrate with the whole family at the wedding and they wanted to make my cousin happy.
Anyways, my siblings and I all RSVPed two months before the wedding with our partners as our plus ones. Invitations didn’t have any names on it and it never specified whether or not plus ones were allowed. All 3 partners have been a part of the family for at LEAST 4 years at the time and had been very involved and integrated with the entire family. My cousin had met all of them, and knew them well as they’ve been to family events and holidays, so it’s not like they were random strangers she had never met. From mine and my siblings perspective, it seemed as though they were welcome to attend the wedding. My partner specifically was so thrilled to be there and get dressed nice with me, and I was excited to have her there too.
A week before the wedding, my cousin messages my siblings and I saying our partners cannot come. She didn’t realize we had added them as plus ones and she apologized for not being more clear on the situation. She didn’t really offer any solutions and couldn’t give an answer as to why our partners could not attend, when flights had already been booked and we all anticipated our partners being welcomed in. My uncle even offered to pay for our partner’s plates at the reception so there wasn’t any extra expenses on her end but she denied it. She later said the wedding was for “close friends and family” which I understand, but didn’t make sense directed towards us considering our partners had all been well involved in the family for years and other guests were allowed plus ones. Plus ones were granted to other family members who weren’t dating anyone at the time or had been dating for a short period of time, so it did feel like an intentional jab at us and our partners. Because of this, my grandparents made the decision to not attend all together because they felt our partners were a part of the family, and felt hurt my cousin and her fiancé excluded them.
Also note to add, none of our partners are white but all the guests at the wedding were white. It was also a heavily religious wedding, and I am in a same sex relationship. My cousin and her fiancé at the time never had any issues with my partner, and were always very friendly with her. But I do know her finance’s parents had some intense religiously traditional values.
Anyway, my family and I arrived, without our plus ones, for her ceremony and were polite and cordial leading up to it. My parents, my brother, and I said our goodbyes to some family after the ceremony and then left while my 3 sisters stayed for a bit afterwards. They hung around during cocktail hour, but it quickly got awkward for them after my aunt asked where the rest of us were and she was told we left. She had gotten upset, and my sisters were pushed off to the side. They left shortly after.
That night, my aunt and uncle sent a bunch of mean messages to my mom and grandparents saying how we ruined the wedding and we are assholes people for leaving. Then my aunt, uncle and cousins blocked all of us on Facebook and our phone numbers, and sent a letter to my grandparents essentially removing themselves from the family and my uncle asked to be removed from my grandparents will. My family tried reaching out a few times after by sending letters to reconcile, but they were sent back unopened. We still to this day haven’t gotten any answers as to why they blocked all of us and removed themselves from the family. We all still attended the ceremony, we just left shortly after, but isn’t that the most important part of the wedding anyway?
This happened two years ago, but I’m just wanting some input. This has negatively affected my mom and grandparents, they are all still very hurt and we are confused why it escalated so quickly. We wanted to still attend the ceremony to make my cousin happy and still be with our partners that night which is why we left.
So, am I the asshole for leaving the wedding after the ceremony?