just a quick rant lol but please lmk if it gets better or what I can do to make it better
I feel that I grew up way too fast because I grew up in a setting where my parents barely spoke English, so I was constantly translating for them. Even receiving difficult news, I was the one who had to break it to my parents.
Since I was very little, I always wanted my parents to think I'm doing fine and that I am always happy. So, I never opened up to them and I also felt so uncomfortable showing any emotions to them. Even when I was being severely bullied for the first two years of middle school, I never said a word. However, they eventually found out from my guidance counselor, and even then I pretended that it was nothing. Even my past relationships, I kept a secret. I feel like my parents don't even know who I am. I know it's partially my fault for not telling them, but at the same time (I don't mean to blame my parents but..) they did not create that environment for me to feel comfortable to do so. Therefore, they overlook my feelings a lot and even claimed that I am not sympathetic enough. For example there has been situations where people I know have passed but I am so uncomfortable to expressing my emotions to the point where it came off as disrespectful. But the thing is, I am an extremely sensitive person. I just hide it very well. I feel things deeply and little words affect me a lot.
What hurts more is that I have younger siblings who I have always looked after. I literally felt like a mother to them even though our age gaps are not a big difference at all. But I see the difference in my life and their lives. I love them so much and I really do want to do anything to support them. But my whole life I have been making appointments for them, making an environment where they never have to feel like how I do and hide everything going on, and more, to the point where I am still like a mother. My parents also treat them so much differently. Everytime they go through a failure, my parents are there with open arms and rather worried about my siblings being stressed about it. Meanwhile, I feel the opposite way. Whenever I experience a failure that my parents know about, I feel stressed due to the way my parents will be stressed and worked up about it. I realized I never put myself first. Especially my mother, she will even sometimes yell at me for my mistakes and while she has never yelled at my siblings once but rather hugged them and told them it's fine. I have NEVER received that treatment.
I also feel that my parents have never been satisfied with me. Yk the classical AP. I'm not tall enough, I don't have a high enough GPA for them (even though at the moment I am in the top 3% in GPAs out of 800 people in a high achieving high school), I'm not skinny enough (even though I have a below average weight for my height), and etc etc. Once, my mom expected me to make the soccer team when I never even got training and I was competing against kids who have been training since they were young. When I didn't make it, she was so disappointed in me and I was freaking out so much because she gave me a silent treatment. This same thing happened with my brother for hockey, and he also did not make it. However, my mom reassured him and said it's fine and that it isn't fair that the other kids were already on teams for several years. It's just so so frustrating to see this. I know I'm being somewhat selfish and I am not at all saying I want my mom to be tougher on my brother. But it's rather that why didn't I get this treatment? Why do I always have to be on my toes and why do I always have to feel like a disappointment?
Regardless, I have so much love for my parents. I have a great relationship with them. They are always rooting for me and wanting the best for me. However, it's just so difficult especially because I live in an area that is white dominated and it's so so difficult for me to constantly wish I got the same treatment as the rest of the kids at my school. I am also fully aware that what I'm complaining about is nothing in comparison to some of the other stories here, but it's just that I am extremely fed up. I know I am being unfair by saying this, but if I try to communicate with my parents in English, it's English that is just jumbled up, pronounced wrong, and doesn't make sense. And I KNOW that they are trying their best, but it can just get so frustrating sometimes because my siblings cannot speak our native language as well as I do, so I ALWAYS translate back and forth to the point where I am so fed up. This isn't just about not knowing definitions, but rather the college process, banking related things, medical related things, etc etc. The only person in my family who is taking care of all this is me. And recently I have been so busy and I am just so tired. I have so much anger building up because nobody from my town has the same experience as me and neither do my siblings. So I am just constantly jealous.
I am going to be applying to colleges this Fall, and I have never been so stressed. My parents have extremely high expectations for me, and I have consistently not been meeting them. My parents will say stuff every once in a while that really hurt. They do not have faith in me for the college process and honestly I don't either. When they suggest some colleges (ofc all with super low acceptance rates) and if I say something like "I don't like the location" they will be shocked because for them it's only academics that matter. But I want to be happy and I want to enjoy it if I am spending four years of my life there. My dad has even said that I should apply because ofc it doesn't matter what I want but he emphasizes that he doesn't know if I am even going to have options from being accepted to many and being able to choose. It's just so frustrating especially because my whole life I have been doing everything myself (well it feels that way) and all of a sudden due to college applications coming up, my parents are somewhat trying to make sure I'm doing this and that. I know that this also sounds so bad of me but for example my parents asked me "did you ask for recommendation letters yet" or "did you participate in school today" and I know that this is nice of them but from my perspective, it frustrates me. This is because yes, I did already, and I have been in control my whole life and I just don't like how they decide to interfere now. They have been completely clueless about so many things and honestly I really know that they are trying to help me and I know that it's nice but pls someone say they understand my frustration lol. It's like my whole life I have been responsible about anything coming up, and them making sure I did something (which I did) just frustrates me because I know!!!!! Like ofcourse I did it already. I feel like it's too late for them to all of a sudden want to manage and be more involved in my responsibilities, and I just want them to back off. I know that this is the support that I want but they should've been like this when I was so much younger. I would now much rather just tell the good news and they don't need to know the process I took or setbacks that got in the way. I know I am being ungrateful but I am just so exhausted and done.
And again, yes my parents want the best for me, and yes they don't mean harm, and yes I am living a financially stable life because they work so hard...etc.. But all I want is emotionally available parents. That has been missing my entire life, and it's too late to reverse this. Btw, I have tried and tried multiple times to express my feelings. But the same events just repeat. They have apologized but there is no change. It was even to the point where I cried in front of them (which is so humiliating to me), and there is just no change. I also feel like since college applications are coming up, my whole conversations with my APs have been about that.

Hello all! I'm working my way through some samples and wanted to drop some reviews for you! I'm a bit verbose lmao and I don't want the post to be too long, so I will be making additional posts in the coming days. Hope these are helpful or interesting!
Evil Eye - Arcana Wildcraft

Protection against malevolent forces. An opening of bright Sicilian aniseed leads to a creamy, addictive, gourmand heart of Mexican vanilla, dark cocoa, sugar-encrusted blonde woods, warm amber, sandalwood milk, Cetalox, and soft golden tobacco. A woody gourmand with anise and chocolate.

Wet and in the bottle: Very strong, tangy wood, to me it reads like cedar. Reminds me of my parents cedar closet in the attic. I suspect it's the sandalwood. It's very very strong, you get a sense of a sweetness but it's very overpowering in this form.
Wet and just applied to skin: The intense woody tang remains, but a lactonic, no an oaty sweetness starts creeping up more and more the drier it gets. A noticable musk is peeking out here as well.
Dried down on skin: Now the frag has arrived where it should be, it's creamy and woody and sweet. The cedarey sensation remains but it's swirled into steamed, sweetened vanilla oatmilk. Like a wood latte. Feels like something they sell at dryad cafes. The musk grows with wear. I don't get a "cashmere" note that you usually find in scents that mention that. It feels more like a soft, plush musk, something there to keep it from being just gourmand, because strangely the cedar feels kind of herbal like those flower lattes. Comes a long way from the very non gourmand WOOD opening to where it reads like wood, but wood you can eat.
Final thoughts: I'm actually deeply obsessed with this fragrance. I really really love it, even the intense opening of it. This gave me a sort of paradigm shift, where I realized all my recent faves have been perfumey gourmands and not the realistic gourmands I once thought I preferred. Fantastically imaginitive frag, I certainly would've never thought of it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) I did layer it, and it was fine. They both kind of exist at the same time but don't really create something together. But they don't clash, which is great news because you know me and my VB.
Fleeced Skeleton Onesie - BPAL

freshly-washed fleece skeleton onesie and a little bit of smeared eyeliner

Wet and in the bottle: Sweet laundry smell. Reminds me of hugging a friend in high school and you can smell their "vanilla orchid" scented laundry soap their mom picked out. Idk why that specifically, but that's what it's giving.
Wet and just applied to skin: I saw someone say it smelled like banana to them and I get what they mean. There's a floral sweetness (like a banana) cut by something slightly vegetal, just the tiniest bit green. Finishes with a lipsticky quality, but creamy not powdery. From afar, it smells like it did in the bottle - sweet laundry, but with a proper sniff you get the separate elements making that up. The makeup sensation seems to get stronger as it warms.
Dried down on skin: Very much like Avon lipstick. My grandma was an Avon lady and had so much Avon cosmetics, and it really reminds me of her lipsticks. White floral with a creamy quality, but not lactonic. I've smelled this in other things, someone said it's giving crisco and that's almost exactly right. A smooth but sort of aggressively quality-less creaminess. There's something here that reads as very slightly lemon-ey to me, but it mostly just serves to keep it from being sugary sweet. The laundry smell is strong from afar, similar to bedsheet ghost but more floral and less "hot". This isn't just dried laundry it's a clean shirt you folded and put away the night before. But any closer inspection of the frag, a deep sniff, and it's a heady white floral with creamy elements.
Final thoughts: I usually don't like white florals, but I like this one! I wouldn't wear it all the time, it won't become a regular thing, but I do like it. It has a sense of nostalgia, and it really reminds me of scene kids for whatever reason, which I think is what she was going for. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I think the tangy fruity sweetness of VB calms some of the louder white florals, and it gives it maximum scene kid.
Asses Plus Long, Qu'un Siecle Platonique - BPAL

opal-gilded white rose petals, vanilla flower, and caramelized benzoin

Wet and in the bottle: Sharp, biting, headaching rose
Wet and just applied to skin: This is a true rose, leans more realistic than the kind of fantasy powder rose. It's a little peppery like fresh roses tend to be, a little astringent. Like floral in the most literal meaning of the word. Platonic ideal of a floral. Green, planty, smooth, peppery rose. Kind of arugula adjacent (this is how I feel about smelling most real roses).
Dried down on skin: I figured this would be pretty linear as a frag because of how almost solinote-ey it was for me for a good long while. It stays its perfect rose self, I can maybe get zome benzoin at the tail end, but it melds into the astringency of the rose to where it feels like it's mostly aiding in the solinote. But, after a good long while, like 3.5 hours, it becomes pure bitter zingy benzoin. Very very bitter. Like surprisingly bitter. I sniffed my wrist after a few hours to check on it and was like staggered a bit. Interesting touch, I feel like. Makes this kind of dark and spooky in a way.
Final thoughts: I like rose as an element often but I feel like this is too much rose. It's almost scary how much rose it is. I like it and I think it's well crafted and it's cool how realistic it is for me, but definitely not something I'll reach for often. I've been trying to give florals a fair shake recently, as for a long time I'd decided they were right out but for jasmine. And while this one didn't sell me on florals or rose as a whole, it made me think there's something more interesting there than I thought. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! Makes it a bit more what I'm used to in terms of a rose. A kind of candied, fruity rose situation. More recognizable to me. I do think it gets weird with its endstage benzoin phase though.
We're Werewolves Not Swearwolves - S92

Ambroxan, trampled moss, soft tonka, boozy vanilla, smashed pumpkin, black coffee, acid-washed denim, wild grey musk

Wet and in the bottle: Dirty coffee, a bit of sweetness. Honestly not all that appealing in the bottle.
Wet and just applied to skin: Warm, delicious toasty coffee sweetened with damara sugar. Musk and something slightly salty make it read caramelled and also ground it. Amazing, almost smokey coffee gourmand here.
Dried down on skin: Becomes a spicy, salty coffee slush of sorts. So roasty toasty, but in a way that's super wearable. Doesn't smell like you just walked out of a coffee shop but rather than you ooze coffee, and it gets stuck in the threads of your lightly perfumed (choco musk perhaps) flannel. Smells like curling up to see the stars with a fancy starbucks coffee, the ones with the crunchy caramel bits on the top. So musky and addictive.
Final thoughts: Actually one of my new favorite frags, which is highly unfortunate because I have about half a slonk and don't feel comfortable ever ordering direct from S92. Will be looking for a fullsize in the swaps. I'm soso on coffee scents, I like them in theory but I think they're either very short lived or not gourmand enough for me, instead becoming a kind of interesting earthy note. But here it's all coffee ice cream type coffee but made round and full by some classical perfumey additions. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) It's fine, not my favorite combination. They don't so much blend as sort of sit next to each other.
Boardwalk - S92

Coconut pulp, coconut milk, Coppertone, sand, sea breeze, driftwood, melted vanilla ice cream cone, sticky cotton candy

Wet and in the bottle: Very verbena-ey to me. That kind of smooth, almost creamy greenness. Touch of sunscreeney coconut, lots of sweetness. Reads like a fancy slushy summer drink.
Wet and just applied to skin: Much sweeter, coconut imparts a nice kind of nuttiness, very much like Coconut Lime Verbena from bath and body works, which I'm a fan of. Definitely has the sunscreen quality about it. I swear at the end of the sniff, it's exactly like fresh saltwater taffy. That kind of slight saltiness, nondairy creaminess. It reminds me of the blue ones in particular, which I think were blueberry but had a slight herbal quality about them. All of this comes together to really complete the "fancy, slurry summer drink" feeling.
Dried down on skin: This scent is pretty linear for its notes, it doesn't change much to me from the wet on skin phase. Maybe that taffy at the end becomes more the forefront. Not as coconuttey a drydown as I was hoping for.
Final thoughts: I like it, but I'm not a huge summer frag person these days. I think they tend to smell kind of samey to me unless they're doing something very specific. But it's very nice, very wearable, definitely sniffed myself a lot. I feel like it's missing something I'm wanting though, maybe just more coconut, or maybe it smelling like coconut lime verbena makes me want a limey note from it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I love this combo bc VB reads very cotton candy to me, and I didn't really detect cotton candy in this frag, more just a general sweetness, and the VB helps to amp that.

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Ever since ive finally been able to understand what ive been doing for the past couple of years, and that there are other people who also maladaptive daydream ive gotten more confidence in what i want to do from here on out
Ive decided i want to continue maladaptive daydreaming? Why? As an artist it helps me devlop ideas way faster for ocs ive been wanting to create, it's also a coping mechanism obviously, and it also keeps me fit. I have managed to maintain my weight for the past couple of year due to how my i daydream (for example, some people pace, rock back and fourth, I run back and fourth in my room for the next 5 hours or more until i physically cannot anymore)
My only problem is figuring out HOW to control how long i daydream, i daydream way too long and it gets in the way of academics and what i want to also do because by the time i finish daydreaming it's already night, which is problematic.
My daydreaming is triggered by music, the moment i hear music i like and that appeals to some sort of repeating idea i have, i start pacing before i run up to my room and start sprinting around, how do i minimize this for when I have actual responsibilities without sacrificing music in its entirety?

To state up front I am just looking for friendship so I am more than willing to talk to other males, so please do message me!
I’ll begin with my personality if that will help you determine if we might make good friends. I am quiet and introverted, but by text/message online I can be very verbose and chatty. I’m conventional and temperate in my habits. I have never had coffee or alcohol. I tend to like solitary pseudo-academic interests like history, genealogy, local historical sites like churches and cemeteries and I dearly love my collection of old photos.
Besides that I have the typical mix of hobbies solitary people do: some games, tv, horror movies, true crime documentaries, cooking and spotting local wildlife on my walks.
I like to think I’m a curious and open-minded person that would be happy to learn about and discuss whatever appeals to you. We don’t have to share any interests & I don’t expect you to care about mine
I’d be happy to read a book or watch a movie you have been itching to discuss with someone if that’s what you’d like.
I can’t promise to be interesting, but I can offer sincerity, effort and words.

Edit to add (and sorry typo in title)
I am in :
New York State/USA Private sector Entertainment Industry
What do you do when you're local doesn't have a grievance procedure or committee and your grievance is against fellow officers and steward?
I wrote a complaint to all the officers of my union but didn't "expressly" ask for a grievance to be made but told them that I had made a complaint against these two individuals with HR.
I followed up a month later to the whole membership and still response. Other than that they received the email.
I did file a charge with the nlrb for unfair labor practices.
NLRB has dismissed my charge because they're saying that I did not expressly ask for a grievance to be made.
However, our local does not have a procedure or a committee for grievances.
Our contract with our employer only states grievance against the employer. And there's nothing in there that states it has to be expressly requested. It just States as long as that someone knows that I have complained about an issue
I would like to appeal. I have less than 2 weeks to do so.
These officers met via zoom with just one other officer regarding my initial complaint against them. But never brought it to the memberships attention until 6 months later when the president brought up the issue finally.
They wanred to form a grievance committee but, It was table two meetings in a row. They still have not addressed me about it and now it's not even in the minutes anymore. Since then said president has stepped down from being bullied about bringing the issue up.
(I am a trustee as well and they did not include me in their initial meeting of course, and never include me in any officer meetings).
I appreciate any thoughts. I wanted to deal with this amicably all this time and did not want to hire a lawyer and now I feel like it's too late. Plus I don't have money to and couldn't find one on contingency basis.
Thank you again for reading and any suggestions.

So a woman i've never met is taking me to court in a state i dont live in to get an RO on me. Her argument is that when i talk about stalkers on my social media, I'm talking about her. And that i'm making fun of her mental health.
She has taken approximately 16 other social media creators to court for something similiar. They've all told me it's been a nightmare. Apparently, her specific court in the middle of nowhere is well known for being like the "wildwest," having a judge who does whatever he wants and all of the lawfirms in the area have already worked with the woman on other cases, so it's hard to find a lawyer to work with you.
I havent had my first court date yet, but i'm trying to file a motion to dismiss for jurisdiction... though i did everything else correctly, the judge just sent me a letter denying my motion because I didnt serve it to the complainer. I was told the court would do that because of the TRO and we were not given her address....
Can I refile before my first court date? How would i send the motion to the complainer?
I'm already feeling like i'm living in a nightmare with the woman, and I dont have a ton of money for attorney's fees.
Any advice is appreciated!

Hello,
I start my first year teaching art in August. I really want to do as much as I can to prep materials etc. I have the summer off and want to really use the time productively. Please share any tips for curriculum development/prepping etc. My task list for what I plan to complete within the next two months:
-Classroom management plan -Curriculum Map for academic year -lesson plans K-8 -Lesson slides -Video demo -Make lesson projects samples -Anchor Charts & Labels -Create any additional lesson materials -Research/visit local Art organizations/artist/. museums to incorporate them in curriculum
What’s your lesson plan process?
I am confused on exactly what to teach or what order. I have project ideas but if anyone can give advice on that I would appreciate it. I was very fortunate to receive a large laminate machine, printer and document camera as graduation gifts so I plan on using them along with my cricut to make art posters, classroom materials etc. I also want to prerecord some art skill demos for the lessons so I can really focus on classroom management/monitoring students.

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

My tenant smoked cigarettes and damaged the interior of my property. Tenant is claiming its wear and tear which it's not, it's negligence. I had my Realtor visit the house and she completely agrees with me. Tenant is threatening to sue. Does anyone have a sample letter the Realtor could use?

DAY: MAY 31 2024
5-31-2024

RESEARCH SUGGESTS LEADERS’ SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ARE TAKEN JUST AS SERIOUSLY AS FORMAL STATEMENTS

Over 180 world leaders maintain social media accounts, and some of them issue policy warnings to rivals and the public on these platforms rather than relying on traditional government statements. How seriously do people take such social media postings? A new study suggests the general public and policymakers alike take leaders’ social media posts just as seriously as they take formal government statements. The research, by MIT political scientists, deploys novel surveys of both the public and experienced foreign policy specialists. “What we find, which is really surprising, across both
5-31-2024

SCALE OF ONLINE HARM TO CHILDREN REVEALED IN GLOBAL STUDY

More than 300 million children a year are victims of online sexual exploitation and abuse, research indicates. Pupils in every classroom, in every school, in every country are victims of this hidden pandemic, according to researchers who have conducted the first global estimate of the scale of the crisis. The statistics, from the Childlight Global Child Safety Institute at the University of Edinburgh, amount to a clear and present danger to the world’s children, according to the crime agency Interpol. Online risks One in eight of the world’s children, about
5-31-2024

PRONATALISM IS THE LATEST SILICON VALLEY TREND. WHAT IS IT—AND WHY IS IT DISTURBING?

For Malcolm and Simone Collins, declining birth rates across many developed countries are an existential threat. The solution is to have “tons of kids,” and to use a hyperrational, data-driven approach to guide everything from genetic selection to baby names and day-to-day parenting. They don’t heat their Pennsylvania home in winter, because heating is a “pointless indulgence.” Their children wear iPads around their necks. And a Guardian journalist witnessed Malcolm strike their two-year-old across the face for misbehavior, a parenting style they apparently developed based on watching “tigers
5-31-2024

HOW SCIENCE, MATH, AND TECH CAN PROPEL SWIMMERS TO NEW HEIGHTS

One hundred years ago, in the 1924 Paris Olympics, American Johnny Weissmuller won the men’s 100m freestyle with a time of 59 seconds. Nearly 100 years later, in the most recent Olympics, the delayed 2020 Games in Tokyo, Caeleb Dressel took home the same event with a time that was 12 seconds faster than Weissmuller’s. Swimming times across the board have become much faster over the past century, a result of several factors, including innovations
5-31-2024

BANNING SEX CRIME OFFENDERS FROM CHANGING THEIR NAMES DOESN’T MAKE US SAFER

The government of British Columbia recently introduced a bill to ban people convicted of serious offenses from legally changing their name. The proposed amendment to the province’s Name Act would also prohibit those found not criminally responsible due to mental disorder from changing their name. The government announced the move after media reports that Allan Schoenborn legally changed his name to Ken Johnson. Schoenborn was found not criminally responsible for the deaths of his children in 2010 because of a delusional disorder, and was placed at a psychiatric hospital.
5-31-2024

SILICON VALLEY ISN’T THE START-UP UTOPIA WE THOUGHT, RESEARCH FINDS

Silicon Valley—considered the world’s hub of technology and innovation—can breed inequality and sameness among budding entrepreneurs, according to new research. Behind the multi-million-dollar deals and tales of start-up utopia, Silicon Valley’s “uneven” investment landscape is in fact a barrier to many budding businesses, says the study from the University of Stirling and Georg-August-University Göttingen. But the researchers suggest other countries could still learn from the more discerning entrepreneurial ecosystem that bred giants such as Apple and Google, to be more selective in backing start-ups. While it is not uncommon for
5-31-2024

I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE FROM ABUSE—BUT RESEARCH TELLS ME I’M DOING IT WRONG

Child sexual abuse is uncomfortable to think about, much less talk about. The idea of an adult engaging in sexual behaviors with a child feels sickening. It’s easiest to believe that it rarely happens, and when it does, that it’s only to children whose parents aren’t protecting them. This belief stayed with me during my early days as a parent. I kept an eye out for creepy men at the playground and was skeptical of men who worked with young children, such as teachers and coaches. When my kids were
5-31-2024

OVER 300 MILLION YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED ONLINE SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, FINDS METASTUDY

It takes a lot to shock Kelvin Lay. My friend and colleague was responsible for setting up Africa’s first dedicated child exploitation and human trafficking units, and for many years he was a senior investigating officer for the Child Exploitation Online Protection Center at the UK’s National Crime Agency, specializing in extra territorial prosecutions on child exploitation across the globe. But what happened when he recently volunteered for a demonstration of cutting-edge identification software left him speechless. Within seconds of being fed with an image
5-31-2024

CYBERFLASHING IS A FORM OF GENDERED SEXUAL VIOLENCE THAT MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Sexting—sending sexually suggestive or explicit messages and images—is now a widespread practice, and can be a healthy way to express and explore sexuality. However, there is a need to distinguish between consensual sexting and forms of sexual harassment like cyberflashing. Cyberflashing refers to the act of non-consensually sending sexual imagery (like nudes or “dick pics”) to another person. It is facilitated through communications technologies including text, AirDrop and social media applications like Snapchat and Tinder. Similar to flashing—when a person unexpectedly and deliberately “flashes” their genitals to others—that occurs in
5-31-2024

VIRTUAL TRAINING MAY BE AN EFFECTIVE, COST-EFFICIENT OPTION FOR CHILD EDUCATORS

Teachers and other child educators can benefit from regular professional development, but in-person training can be expensive. New research found that virtual training can be a budget-friendly alternative—and especially effective for certain groups of educators. The study—a collaboration between researchers at Penn State and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and published in the International Journal of Professional Development, Learners and Learning—found that educators who took a virtual training reported feeling more confident in their abilities to implement practices shown to support positive youth development. In particular, after-school providers who did not
5-31-2024

HUMBLE LEADERS BOOST EMPLOYEES’ WORKPLACE STATUS AND LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, FINDS STUDY

There are many different types of workplace leaders, from those who prioritize the needs of team members and the organization above their own, to authentic leaders who foster openness, trust and transparency. A recent study by the University of South Australia published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior has highlighted the significant benefits of humble leadership in the workplace. According to the study by UniSA’s Dr. Xiao Lin, humble leadership can effectively elevate the workplace status of employees by boosting their sense of respect and prominence. It also leads to
5-31-2024

WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

Rising food costs are squeezing Canadians around the country. Nearly everyone is feeling the pinch, and it’s not just an inconvenience—high food prices are a major threat to food security for many Canadians. Understanding why food prices are so high and why they are changing is critical to the well-being of our society. Unfortunately, consensus on why food price are so high is in short supply. Explanations given in reports like Canada’s Food Price Report and the news media range widely, from the war in Ukraine to supply chain issues
5-31-2024

WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

Is artificial intelligence an unprecedented opportunity, or will it rob everyone of jobs and creativity? As we debate on social media (and perhaps use ChatGPT almost daily), generative AIs have also entered the arena of university communication. These tools—based on large language models that were optimized for interactive communication—can indeed support, expand, and innovate university communication offerings. Justus Henke has analyzed the situation of German realities about six months after the launch of ChatGPT 3. “The research was conducted about a year ago when enthusiasm was high, but it was
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

Classification of superspreader accounts. A large portion (55.1%) of accounts are no longer active. For each class annotated with political affiliations, colors indicate the ideological split. The last group aggregates all accounts with political affiliations. Credit: PLOS ONE (2024). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0302201 A small team of social media analysts at Indiana University has found that a major portion of tweets spreading disinformation are sent by a surprisingly small percentage of a given userbase. In their study, published in PLOS ONE, the group conducted a review of 2,397,388 tweets posted on Twitter
5-31-2024

HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

Life-changing events like the birth of a child, the purchase of a new home, or a lottery win could threaten the survival of a new business venture, the positive family events had a comparatively greater influence, albeit negatively, on the survival of a new venture, compared with
5-31-2024

RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

We’ve all done it. A bad night’s sleep or a tough commute made us cranky, and we lashed out at a coworker who did nothing wrong. What can we do to make up for it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, embracing our guilty feelings can help us make up for our bad behavior by encouraging us to act more politely and work harder the next day. “We found that anyone can be rude at work, because anyone can
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

Social inclusion and having a sense of belonging with other people are key elements of a good life. However, the fate of humanity is a challenge that extends beyond our social reality. Experiences of belonging and inclusion, understood in a broader sense than before, may be crucial for a sustainable future. In an article published in the International Journal of Social Pedagogy, a team of researchers propose a new planetary inclusion scale that structures our planetary relationship three-dimensionally based on temporal, spatial and ethical orientation. The temporal element relates to
5-31-2024

‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

Women in leadership are often told to “Lean In,” designed to be motivational messaging demonstrating that they are more confident, strategic and resilient to setback. However, new research indicates that such “lean in” messaging can hinder women’s motivation to protest gender equality. Popularized in a book by American technology executive Sherly Sandberg, the “Lean In” solution to gender inequality advises women that demonstrating personal resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to career advancement. Now, a new study led by the University of Exeter, Bath Spa University
5-31-2024

ALGORITHMS COULD HELP IMPROVE JUDICIAL DECISIONS

A new paper in the Quarterly Journal of Economics finds that replacing certain judicial decision-making functions with algorithms could improve outcomes for defendants by eliminating some of the systemic biases of judges. Decision makers make consequential choices based on predictions of unknown outcomes. Judges, in particular, make decisions about whether to grant bail to defendants or how to sentence those convicted. Companies now use machine learning based models increasingly in high-stakes decisions. There are various assumptions about human behavior underlying the deployment of such learning models that play out in
5-31-2024

DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

The election has commenced and the race is on—to amass as many likes, shares and comments as possible. Digital campaigning, particularly through social media, is now a key part of political candidates’ communication toolkit. In fact, every general election campaign since 1997 has at some point been lauded as the first to make effective use of digital campaigning. But it was in 2015 that David Cameron’s campaign first made strategic use of social media to drive an election victory. As political reporter Tim Ross outlines in his excellent book, Why
5-31-2024

WHY ARE ORGANIZATIONAL COVER-UPS SO COMMON?

The TV dramatization of the UK Horizon Post Office scandal evoked outrage and disbelief. However, as another example of dysfunctional organizational behavior, it was expected rather than exceptional. The Post Office saga joins a long list of cover-ups or scandals that includes Hillsborough, Enron, Grenfell, the infected blood scandal, the Tuam babies scandal in the Republic of Ireland, Boeing 737 Max and Nasa (Columbia space shuttle). They represent what happens when there is a move within organizations and institutions to cover up the causes of
5-31-2024

AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

Spirituality is increasingly popular with young Australians: recent research shows 38% of Gen Z Australians identify as spiritual. It also reports 50% of them believe in karma, 29% in reincarnation and 20% in astrology. When it comes to activities equated with spirituality, 28% of Gen Z Australians practice meditation and 22% practice yoga. In Australia, spirituality is strongly, enduringly central to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and culturally and religiously diverse communities. Yet until recently, spirituality has received far less attention than religion. Spirituality may be
5-31-2024

COMPANIES CAN IMPROVE THE SUSTAINABILITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS IN THE EARLIEST PRODUCT-DESIGN STAGES

An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Lithuanian and Italian universities propose a tool that allows companies to assess the circularity of their future products. The self-assessment tool emphasizes the co-creation of circular design in the early (creative) stages of product development, encouraging entrepreneurs and designers to think more systematically and collaborate better by integrating related stakeholders into the product development process. The study is published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology. “The majority of existing practical tools (systems of indicators) are aimed at measuring the environmental impact of products already
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage Month, a time when Americans celebrate the profound contributions of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders—a group that is commonly abbreviated as AAPI—to U.S. society. It’s also a time to acknowledge the complexity of AAPI experience. And as a professor who studies equity and inclusion in business, I think the focus on AAPI communities this month provides an excellent occasion to push back against a stereotype that has long misrepresented and marginalized a diverse range of people: the myth of the “model minority.” The
5-31-2024

WONDERING HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT? HERE’S AN AGE-BASED GUIDE TO GET YOU STARTED

The Australian government’s new campaign Consent Can’t Wait challenges us all to improve our understanding of consent. It asks a series of questions to illustrate this issue is more complex than simplistic “no means no” messaging. The campaign invites viewers to consider the nuances of consent, so we can raise these important issues with children and young people in our lives. But what is a good age to start talking about consent? How do parents tackle such conversations when this information probably wasn’t readily discussed in our own upbringing? How
5-31-2024

A PRODUCT OF NATURE OR NURTURE?

The concept of cultural entrepreneurship has many facets. It encompasses both the cultural and social impact of entrepreneurial training, and the environmental factors that influence its development. Some societies, such as the U.S., have a strong entrepreneurial culture. This means that certain characteristics are celebrated and encouraged, such as the ability of individuals to assume risks, patience when confronting challenges, and innovative problem solving, especially in uncertain situations. However, not all countries have such an entrepreneurial culture. Entrepreneurship struggles to take off in Europe In general, entrepreneurship can drive economic
5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

A graphic depicting a student coding. Credit: Carnegie Mellon University Teachers today face a bit of a conundrum, according to a new study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the Rochester Institute of Technology. Their goal is to prepare young students to enter a rapidly changing world. Even basic jobs require technical proficiency, which requires computational and analytical skills. To address this need, many educators are pushing to fold these important STEM skills into elementary curriculum. Here’s the problem. Young students can lose interest and even develop an aversion
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

On the left, a bird’s-eye view of the virtual classroom; on the right, screenshots of each of the four gaze-visualization conditions. Teachers need to know their material, but they must also keep their students engaged and interested. Part of that involves making eye contact with their students—all of them. A multidisciplinary team of researchers tested several methods of data visualization in an immersive virtual reality (VR) classroom, to give teachers a way to gauge
5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

Wifi-enabled washing machines. Voice-controlled microwaves. App-enabled TVs, vacuum cleaners, and even window blinds you can control from the comfort of your couch. Many of the technological features now included in everyday products are useful and accessible. But research has shown that having too many can overwhelm potential buyers, making them less likely to make a purchase. In recent research, Wayne Hoyer, marketing professor and James L. Bayless/William S. Farrish Fund Chair for Free Enterprise at Texas McCombs, digs into the phenomenon of “feature creep” and its impact on consumer sentiment.
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
5-31-2024

CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

Pride is about the promotion of the self-affirmation, dignity, equality, and increased visibility of LGBTQIA+ community during the month of June. Pride has traditionally occurred in June because most LGBTQIA+ Americans saw the Stonewall riots at the Stonewall Inn in NYC, as the beginning of the movement for Gay Rights in the USA. It is important to note that these riots were led by trans and gender non-conforming folks, specifically trans and gender non-conforming racialized folks in a fight against police brutality.
It is also important to remember that policing gender presentation and sexuality is a core tenant of white supremacy, and that many cultures and many Indigenous peoples honoured trans, gender-diverse and queer identities long before contact. Pride is also a time to celebrate and honour our ancestors, it is a month of both celebration and grief. We think about everybody we have lost while celebrating the progress we have made. We remember those lost during the AIDS epidemic, and we hold space for those still unable to access medication today. We think about those lost to hate crimes, and we recognize the ongoing grief as LGBTQA+ folks navigate a hostile political environment that is openly deciding who has rights to bodily autonomy, and who does not.
Here are some death positive links and resources for you to engage with this Pride Month:
https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/communing-with-the-queer-dead-performing-the-queer-goetia/
https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/a-ministry-of-presence-a-queer-history-of-community-death-care/
https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/trans-death-rights-are-human-rights/
https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/theyll-think-of-me-kindly-when-they-come-for-my-things-on-transness-and-death/
https://www.rememberingalife.com/blogs/blog/lgbtq-grieving-loss-love-and-pride
https://www.gaytimes.com/life/why-queer-people-need-to-talk-about-disenfranchised-grief/
https://zenasharman.com/blog/what-being-queer-taught-me-about-death
https://www.queerdying.com/
https://xtramagazine.com/series/queering-death
Here are some academic papers on Queer Death Studies:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08164649.2020.1811952
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/336585085_Queer_Death_Studies_Coming_to_Terms_with_Death_Dying_and_Mourning_Differently_An_Introduction
Here is a love letter to those experiencing Pride Month without somebody who made Pride Month special: https://refugeingrief.com/blog/lgbtqia-pride-month-without-your-person
The Order of the Good Death has also started an LGBTQ+ End of Life Guide Project. This is a very ambitious project and they are looking for support! If you are interested in donating your time or money, you can learn more here: https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/lgbtq-end-of-life-guide/
The idea behind this project is to have a guide made for every single American state that will empower LGBTQ+ people and the people who care about them.
Also, The Order of the Good Death has released a line of Queering Death merch that 100% supports the End of Life project. If you are interested in purchasing you can check that out here: https://the-order-of-the-good-death.myshopify.com/collections/queering-death-collection

Seeking Advice on Getting Failed Grades Removed or Enrolling in Political Science Without Meeting the 70% Average
Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer some advice regarding my academic situation. I’ve been through a lot due to a car accidents (3 car accidents that all happened in one week) that left me physically and emotionally hurt. I suffered from extreme chronic pain, migraines, seizures, and PTSD, which made it impossible for me to attend school for a period. Mentally, I was completely shut down and unable to leave my house, resulting in a failing standing in 2019.
I fought and appealed, providing evidence that I was improving and actively participating in therapy. Despite still dealing with severe head trauma, I’ve worked incredibly hard to get back on track. Since my first year, I’ve managed to maintain a steady 70% average in all subsequent courses, excluding the failed ones. Unfortunately, my first-year grades tanked my overall GPA.
When I contacted the Political Science dean, Professor Epperly, to request enrollment in the program, he denied my request, even though my average would be 70% if not for my first-year grades. I’ve tried my best to raise my overall GPA from 60% to 70%, but I’ve realized that achieving a 10% increase is not feasible.
Currently, I’m in a General Studies program, but all the courses I’ve taken are towards a Political Science degree. I have 21 credits left before I graduate, which I’m expected to complete by December 2024. I attend therapy four times a week, see counselors, doctors, and specialists, receive therapeutic Botox, and take nine prescription medications to manage my pain. Despite these challenges, I attend every class, even when severely ill.
Has anyone here been able to get their failed grades removed from their transcript? Or has anyone been allowed to enroll in the Political Science program without meeting the 70% average requirement? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. I’m feeling lost and need support to navigate this situation.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

So I came across a tweet that listed all the countries Trump can’t go to because he’s a convicted felon now and it alarmed me.
I was charged with several felonies and in 2017 took a plea deal of no contest to a charge of felony assault with a deadly weapon plus a strike on my record.
Last year I had an attorney file for dismissal which I guess is the closest thing to expungement in California. The judge granted the dismissal of all convictions or pleas under PC 1203.4. My understanding of this is that my case will still show up on a background check but will show as case dismissed instead of convicted.
My question(s) are, am I able to travel to countries like Japan, Taiwan, Mexico, South Korea (for vacation, not extended stays)? Will they not care that the case was dismissed? When traveling to these countries, do they do a background check/fingerprint scan? Do they ask if I’m convicted and am I technically allowed to answer no since it was dismissed?
I’m concerned because I recently applied for a job at an airport and they initially sent me a letter denying me because they did a fingerprint scan and the conviction came up. The person who did my fingerprint scan told me they don’t check for the status of a case, just the existence of one. I sent the airport the letter from the judge dismissing my case and they did end up approving me, but this whole process took almost a month and I don’t imagine immigration doing all that.

I hope someone can give me some advice or direction. I am genuinely worried about my future. This is going to be a long post and I debated whether I should even do this or not, but I don't have anyone I can talk to. If you are reading this, then I am grateful for your time. Please note this is an arranged marriage situation so kindly don't troll. I am already in the situation, and I have to deal with it.
I (31F) have been married to my husband (36M) for one year now. We have had numerous fights over this time and they nearly always escalate to bad levels. A few times my husband even threatened to throw me out of the house because of these fights. I know I also have faults in this but he always acts like as if I am the only unreasonable one, that I am the only one being difficult, that I am the only one who is starting all the fights.
First I should explain my situation before marriage. I started pursuing a master's degree during the covid lockdown against my wishes, only because my parents forced me to do so. Previously I held a junior level job which was not very high-paying but it was my passion. I was always weak in academics but I found myself happy and even thriving in a job. I had to leave because of family issues, but I thought I would rejoin or seek a new job soon. But then the covid lockdown happened and my parents used this opportunity to give me an ultimatum to either get married or pursue masters. I decided to pursue masters. But despite this, my parents went back on their word and started pestering me to get married. They were scared I would be 30 and unmarried, hence undesirable to any man after that age. I met many guys and I always managed to turn them down respectfully. However the stress of this process and my explosive family situation got to me, and I failed to complete my masters. No one else knows this. I made it all the way to the last semester and I failed there. If I had to retake the exams I had to pay a hefty fee first. I didn't have the money and I could not confide in my parents. During the last semester I had been matched with my current husband and we got engaged (I was also tired of the endless matchmaking and people I had to talk to and he was the most decent one of them all). Then right after my "graduation" we got married. I have so much shame from failing that I have not still told my husband about it. Another big thing is that my sibling had a mental health scare a few years ago and is still recovering from it. I haven't told my husband because a) my sibling requested me not to since they feel ashamed and doesn't want to be judged, and b) my husband, I quickly realized, is more abrupt and also more dismissive of other's struggles - he would say that "everyone has issues and everyone one is suffering, get over it"
My husband is a nice man. He has a good job, and a loving family. They love me too. My family adores my husband. He is always good to me except I find that some of our values don't align.
Before marriage I spoke to him about the many things I was passionate about, and I always asked him if he was okay with it. He told me he was. It turns out he actually is not okay with many things
I have other issues with him too - for example, he doesn't use a c*nd*m with me even after I asked him to.
He expects that he can order me around (and sometimes I think he is not even aware). He is also always in my face; and I don't mean physically. For example - on the first day after the marriage he ordered me to get him a cup of coffee in front of all of his family and mine. I was also tired. I went through more things than he did during the wedding day. I had a look of irritation on my face but I still made it for him. He saw my face and in front of everyone he loudly asked me "what's wrong? did I do a mistake? did I do something wrong to you?" I got embarrassed and said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me a few more times, getting more people's attention. Later my parents pulled me aside and yelled at me for inconveniencing my husband.
Husband's biggest issue with me is that I did not immediately share about my sibling's condition until much later. He asked me a few times about it in the beginning and I asked him to give me some time until I could explain properly. I didn't want to explain badly and have him judge my sibling. And even though I did eventually tell him, he still brings up that he resented me for not telling him immediately when he asked. I don't think he had a right to demand this information or even to hold that grudge against me after so long.
When I have an opinion different from his, he implies that I'm stupid and that I don't know anything how the world works. Of course, I also don't back down and it turns into fights.
He says I have a huge ego and he is determined to bring me down. During a few of our fights he likes to remind me that I am no one special. I am a nobody, and I have agreed with him. But it still hurts.
I am fully financially dependent on him. I haven't been able to get a job yet, but I manage the whole household - cooking, cleaning, grocery run, routinely stocking household supplies, etc, while he manages all the bills. He told me that we are in a tight position financially and I need to get a job. I am currently looking for a job without much success.
I know I'm not the best or easiest person to be with. When I'm upset my voice goes up just as my emotions go up but at that point he stops listening to me. He will just say that I'm yelling and even after I reduce my volume and try to speak to him he won't listen. Even after I explain why I'm upset he will ask me again why am I upset which kills me because he isn't listening to me. Even if I don't yell at all and I tell him why I'm upset he still doesn't accept or understand because my reasoning is stupid for him.
A few times during our fights he reacts aggressively and gets up from where he is sitting and towers over me. I am much smaller than him physically. He grabs my arm and tells me to get out of the house. He tells me to leave. At this point I have to cower and cry because I have nowhere to go. But he is getting less forgiving each time.
The most recent fight started out as a small incident. We have a house guest staying with us and I was making dinner for us. It was getting late and I had just finished up the curries and I asked husband and guest to come sit and start eating while I make the rotis so I can give it to them hot, and so that I don't make them wait. House guest asks for ghee at one point. I give it. My husband says "Take the ghee and put it on the roti and make for the guest" I got irritated because I was so focused on my task and he was instructing me to do things. But I kept quiet and I did as he told. But again he saw my irritation. And he loudly started asking me "what's wrong? is something wrong?" and embarrassing me. I said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me. I finally had to whisper to him to "stop it". Dinner proceeded without any more problems. Later when we went to bed he asked me again what was wrong? This time I tried to explain that I was tired and got a little irritated at that moment but the biggest issue for me was him asking me again and again what was wrong. I tried to tell him that I don't want to be instructed on how I make food but moreover, I don't want to be "interrogated" in front of other people. He said he will do as he pleases if I am going to show my irritation in front of other people (I did not, the guests back was facing me so they can't even see me). I told him explicitly that he /will not/ interrogate me. He lost his temper and said he'll do "whatever the f**k" he wants. I also lost it and asked him back "who the f**k" he thinks he is to just do as he pleases.
It escalated more and I brought up point where he did the same interrogation on the first day after marriage and he said that I got scolded by my parents for telling him to shut up (Which I didn't, he is lying or I am a fool who can't remember this) not because he made it look like I was being unreasonable and difficult. It kept escalating and I had to raise my voice because he was talking over me and he lost it even more. He grabbed my arm and pushed me to the door saying "get out of my house. Leave and get lost I don't care where you go". I said no and he pushed me again with his whole body. Finally I kept pushing back and he went back to bed. He told me he wants to hit me so I told him to go ahead. Hit me as much as you want. Then he said "I'm not stupid, I won't hit you. There's worse ways to deal with you" and I had to leave the room. He also said to me that I don't do anything worthwhile, like as if all the work I have done in the house is useless. Basically I am useless.
I am feeling so lost and confused, and also a little scared because I really have nowhere to go. I can't go to my family. I can't humiliate them. I can't let him call them and humiliate them. I have no financial power so I can't even leave the house for a few days. In a few months I have an important wedding to attend and he's supposed to book my tickets but now I'm afraid to ask him in case he denies me out of spite. I am mostly scared because this isn't the first time he has threatened to kick me out and divorce me.
I am thinking about how I should go back to him and apologize. Please help me.
TL;DR I fought with my husband and he's threatened to throw me out of the house (not the first time). I'm financially dependent on him and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I need to apologize but I also have an ego and this is too much for me. Help me to apologize sincerely to him without losing my autonomy.
​

About 4 years ago I was in a nursing program in my area and was falsely accused of "Academic Dishonesty" because I was helping a fellow student understand some of the material from a quiz that was already finished in a student group chat. One of my classmates reported me to school faculty and I received a message stating I was being placed on Academic probation pending investigation by the Dean. There were several letters submitted on my behalf, including one from the professor who was teaching the course who noted that she did not believe what I did was considered cheating. Despite all of this the Dean decided to expel me from the program and now it is on my record forever. I went through the appeals process, but the same person who made the initial decision was responsible for making a decision on the appeal, so it went nowhere. I was considering applying for another nursing program, but browsing through forums I see many people stating there is ZERO chance I would be accepted into another program and reading those has me in tears. My questions here are:
Is it too late to hire an attorney on this matter? and if so is it worth it?
Is it still possible to be accepted into another program?
What would you have done (or do) if you were in this situation?
Any response would be greatly appreciated!

Hello fellow Redditors looking for a partner in crime! I'm a 30 year old with a stable career in finance. I am ready to start dating as I'd like to find someone to share my life with, so thought I'd give this a try !
I can be funny, witty, smart, charming and chivalrous. Am not athletic or a regular gym person but I am slim and fit.
I am told that am a can inspire,motivate and empower people. I can hold the most serious conversation and discuss the universe with you or I can clown around if that makes you happy to keep the mood light.
For fun I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, traveling, putting together puzzles, listening to music, upgrading or repairing my electronic devices, reading, going to the movies or just watching Netflix! I am a big 'ol fan of spreadsheets so let me know if we can geek out together over the best way to analyze data with them!
DEAL BREAKERS
I'm a nerd that loves efficiencies so let me hit you with the dealbreakers I need first so we don't waste our time: - You are Strictly over 25 (that’s the lowest I’ll consider although my preferred range is 28-38) - single - willing to endure long distance communications (text and / or voice or video) while I work on relocating closer to you - I am a work in progress figuring out life and don't have it all together just yet, so I don't mind you being a work in progress
All of these are not to knock anyone in a different situation, but just to find someone that has a good chance of making it past an introduction .
Things I am also looking for: a woman that's kind, smart, takes initiative, wants a healthy relationship, takes care of herself, has the time to build a relationship, and seeks an equal partner in life's adventures.
Plus points for intellect. Things like: * How you think; * How you respond - (basic Grammar and spelling); * What are your views on things around us; * How you carry out a conversation; * How you type your messages; * If you notice the details; * The idea is I get to know you better.
If you've made it this far, thank you for spending your time and effort! If you think we might be a good fit please reach out and , and I'll reply (as soon as possible) ! I look forward to receiving your thoughtful and inquisitive responses.
If any of the above appeals to you or you wish to make enquiries , please send me a Reddit Chat (Preferred) or Direct Message
Thank you once again for taking the time to read this.
Here's a sample introduction: "Hello there, I am Katherine, 30 years old, from Melbourne, Australia. I found your post interesting and hope to get to know you better."
Yours truly Neel

From the beginning...
Cast

Part 2, Chapter 10

The next morning dawns cold and clear. It is plain that autumn is upon the land, and with the Great Glacier just leagues to the north, winter will come soon. The party goes about their morning business, eating (everyone), checking the state of the beard and deciding whether or not to shave it off (Arthur, generally, but also Atticus as Novos doesn’t grow a beard and Zander doesn’t shave his), climbing into armor (pretty much everyone except Dillium, Felicity, and Pocky), feeding and loading horses and asses (pretty much everyone, but particularly Zander, Arthur, Atticus, and Pocky), and finally packing up the pavillionsol (Dillium). Ready for the day’s journey, the group mounts up. On cue, the guide appears, apparently having prepared well ahead. If he’s irritated that the party slept all the way until dawn, he has the good grace to keep that to himself.
Felicity speaks up. “We’ve changed our minds, actually. I don’t think there’s any particular benefit in going to Dragon’s Perch—”
“I agree.”
“—so we’re going to go to Samek instead.”
“Samek? Hmmm. Do they know you are coming? If they don’t, it will take them a while.”
“No, they don’t know we’re coming, that I am aware of.”
The guide nods once and sets out. Much of the day is uneventful, and it does warm up to a comfortable level. By late afternoon, those with tender backsides are wondering when the ride will conclude when the guide raises his hand in a universal gesture of ‘stop and shut up a minute.’ The party still hasn’t learned that gesture, but fortunately there are no giants about [1]. “We’re here,” is all he says.
“Where?” “I don’t see anything.” “What are we supposed to see?” Like tourists on vacation, they peer around in all directions. They can’t see the entrance for the hill. Or rather, the entrance to the gnomish town of Samek is so well hidden in the side of the hill that for a while, only Dillium can see the faint outline of the round doorway. One by one, Flea, Arthur, and Zander finally pick it out. Novos is absolutely certain they are playing a prank on him. Arthur is first. Knocking on the hill seems odd, but practically before he gets a third knock, a small hole opens up around waist height. Two beady little eyes peer out (at Arthur’s belt).
“What!?”
“We are here—”
“So I see.” The window closes.
Zander walks up and knocks. The same window opens, and the same beady little eyes peer out.
“What!?”
“Do you know who I am?” Zander asks.
The beady little eyes look him up and down. “No,” and the window closes.
Dillium tries next. Knock, window, eyes. “Good day. We are here to see—”
“So see.” Window shuts.
Novos walks up. “I know how to do this.” Knock, window, eyes, increasingly aggravated tone. “Let us in.”
“No.”
Felicity has had enough of this. Walking up to the door, she stands for a moment gathering her thoughts. Knock, window, eyes, aggravated tone. “Good day. I’m here on behalf of the Duke of Soravia to see the wise men of your town, or those in charge.”
“Which ones?”
“What?”
“Which ones, the wise men, or those that are in charge?”
“How about if we start with the ones in charge, and perhaps they will decide to allow us to speak with the wise ones.”
The beady little eyes peer out, look around at the party, and appear to give that some thought. “Wait here.” The window closes.
Minutes pass. Tens of minutes pass. Novos gets bored and walks up to the door. He barely gets a third knock in before the window opens. A different set of beady little eyes peers out, and a different aggravated voice says, “What do you want now?”
“We’ve been waiting for a while, and—”
“—And you’ll continue to wait!.” The window slams shut unnecessarily roughly.
“Why you—” Rough arms grab Novos from behind and pull him away before he can do something regretful.
“We’ll wait, as they’ve asked,” Felicity says. She looks around to ask the guide how long they can expect to wait, but he’s disappeared.
The evening passes. As the cold sets in, Atticus and Pocky gather enough light branches for a fire. There’s no benches or logs to sit on, so they squat or sit on the ground. Arthur has taken to pulling off portions of his armor and working on polishing and repairing the scorch marks from the lava snakes [2]. Atticus and Mar debate the relative benefits of following the letter of the law versus being merciful, though in the end, both of them seem to be arguing the same things in violent agreement. Pocky falls asleep against Modred’s side as Beaker plays with a bone left over from… Wait, where did he get that bone anyway?
Finally, the reality that the night is upon them sets in. A proper camp is set, and watches begin. Zander takes the first watch, but sees nothing of interest. He does hear the chirping of grasshoppers, the droning of the cicadas, and the baying of the hounds. Suddenly, the hounds stop. Unnerved, Zander wakes Arthur, who has the next watch. Arthur, Atticus, and Zander take a turn around the camp, but cannot see nor hear anything that sounds like dogs. Arthur agrees to start his watch a few minutes early and Zander takes Pocky inside the pavillionsol to sleep. Arthur’s, and then Dillium’s watches pass uneventfully. Novos, as normal, takes the last watch. As usual, he is so wrapped up with his puzzle box that he notices absolutely nothing.
The cold morning brings breakfast, bickering, and an irritated Novos marching up to the door to bang on it. “We’ve been here all night,” he informs the guard.
“Yes. Yes you have.” The window closes.
Knock. Window. Eyes. “When will we see—”
“When it is time.” The window closes.
Before he can knock again, Dillium grabs his wrist, pushing him back, she squares herself to the door. “When it is time, please inform us.” She says to the closed window.
The window opens and two beady little eyes peer out. A slightly irritated voice replies, “What else would we do?” The window closes.
Several hours pass as the valley warms up. Arthur, Pocky, Atticus, and Mar all work on armor, doing the necessary daily ritual of dusting, oiling, checking rivets to make sure they are still tight and sound. Polish is applied, worked into the metal, and removed. Bickering, some good natured and others not, flows. At midmorning, the guide turns up suddenly, and squats down near the fire. Minutes later, the window opens and familiar eyes peer out. Felicity quickly crosses over to the door.
“Is the council ready for us?” She asks.
“Council? You wanted to speak with those who lead.”
“Yes. I assume that would be your leadership council.” Felicity replies.
“So it is. So it is. There certainly are a lot of you. You can’t all come.” The window closes.
Felicity thinks quickly and makes a motion to Dillium. Knocking gently, she waits for the window to open. “How many of us may come?” She asks sweetly.
“Uhm… “ The window closes. A minute later it re-opens. “Three.” The gnome says.
“Fine. I agree.”
“You agree? I mean, Yes, of course you agree. Come, come!” Suddenly in a hurry, the gnome opens the door, which slides open silently.
As Felicity and Dillium take a step toward the door, the guide steps up behind them. “Where are you going?” Flea asks imperiously.
“The little ones know me.”
“Which ones?”
The guide thinks. “Mayhaps all of them?” With a slight shrug, Felicity accepts that, and they all pass into a dark room, barely tall enough to stand up in.
Dillium is the tallest of the small group, and she has to stoop over to get through the passageway. The guide bends his head down a bit, but Felicity strides forward as if she owns the place, the top of her hair only occasionally brushing the ceiling of the passage. There are guards in dark metal armor in front and behind, but the guard who let them in the door is wearing a much more colorful shirt. As their eyes grow accustomed to the darkness, they note that there are luminescent lichens on the walls, providing a dim light that casts no shadows and fails to illuminate the armored gnomes.
The corridor stretches on for ages. There are branching tunnels to either side, and once, down. Tiny faces can be seen in the dim light as word spreads of the Big’uns. Dillium’s back is screaming by the time they finally reach a room and stop. A door on one side of the room is guarded by two more of the dark-skinned, dark-armored gnomes and a small fire is burning in the middle of the room. The benches around the room are designed for shorter legs and smaller butts, so the guide simply squats down. Dillium sits and starts to work the kinks out of her back. The guards don’t speak, but every once in a while, a face peers in through the open doorway they came in. Some faces are much smaller than others, and a motherly hand frequently grabs the tot and hustles them along.
The trio waits.
***
Pocky and Zander practice sword work as Atticus watches and occasionally tosses out suggestions. Mar naps. Arthur works on removing scorch marks from his armor while Novos plays with his puzzle box and loafs. Something draws Arthur’s attention. As he looks up, he sees eyes staring at him intently peering out from a bush. Without breaking eye contact, he feels around until he grabs Novos’ head and points it at the bush. Novos stares, uncertain what he’s meant to be looking at. “Zander!” Arthur hisses. He points at the bush with too many eyes. Well, two is too many for a bush. Zander looks. He looks some more. Arthur looks away for a moment, and when he looks back, the eyes are gone. Everyone runs over and crowds around the bush. Novos sees what looks like prints—paw prints not unlike Modred’s pawprints, though Modred is being lazy over next to the pavillionsol. Novos looks around, but sees no other paw prints. The men walk around the bush looking for other tracks, but only manage to obscure everything.
***
An hour passes. The guide lounges as if he has nothing on his mind. Dillium meditates, while Felicity tries to work out what the team’s next move should be. Somewhat abruptly, a young gnome opens the door and comes through. “Ready are you?” The darkened room has only a few dim lights. An ancient gnome sits on a three-legged stool in the middle of the room, a small rod in his hand. Eight or nine other gnomes cluster around the small room, some sitting on tiny gnome-sized benches, others standing. Any whispering that might have been going on ceases when the Big’uns come into the chamber.
The eldest speaks. “Warren. Several turnings it has been since last among us you came. Tell. What is the state of the above-realm?”
“They grow bolder. I have seen them throughout the valley, and without fear. If you are to act, you might contemplate doing so soon.” The gnomes chatter amongst themselves in a foreign tongue. The elder lets it go for a few minutes, then he raps on the floor with his rod. Silence returns.
“As I have feared it is. Soon must we act. Well to see you it is. Not so long to visit should you wait.” Turning his attention to Felicity, he inquires, “Please to tell name and purpose for disturbing.”
Felicity tells who she is, and allows Dillium to introduce herself. Flea announces that war is soon to be upon the land. The Duke of Soravia needs friends and allies for the coming conflict, and wishes to include the gnomes. The gnomes chatter nervously, and some of the chatter sounds of anger or fear. Again, the elder waits several minutes and then raps his rod upon the ground.
“Aware of the duke we are, but no call to extend friendship hand we have heard. What does the duke wish of us?” The chatter now is less nervous and more fearful.
“The danger to us all is great, but the duke understands that each should contribute within their talents and means. I suggest that your greatest assistance may lie in logistics, and supply. Perhaps providing some of the greatly admired gnomish craftsmanship would help to raise funds. Any assistance that you willingly provide for the benefit of one and all is exactly enough.” The chatter and babble of the gnomes in the room sounds almost relieved, but still a touch fearful. The elder allows it to go on for several minutes before he raps on the floor once. Saying something in gnomish, he raises his hand. One by one, the gnomes lift their hands out parallel to the floor. It takes a moment or two, but finally all of them agree.
“Determine what we can contribute, we must. If any. As talk we must, a favor for us could you do.” He speaks a few words of gnomish before continuing.
***
“So what is inside that puzzle box you keep playing with?” Arthur asks. He seems more tired of the delay than curious, and is simply passing the time. Mar casts an irritated glance at Novos.
“Dunno. Perhaps a great treasure. Maybe all the misfortune in the world. Probably nothing. Dillium gave it to me months ago.” He continues manhandling it, pushing, prodding, tapping, and so on.
Zander comes over and plops down next to Novos. “Can I have a go?”
“Sure.” Novos hands the box over to Zander, who takes it gingerly in his large rough hands. After a minute or two of working with it to no avail, he hands it over to a beckoning Arthur who seems to have seen something the others missed. He didn’t. Atticus and Mar both have a go before Pocky takes a turn. In three deft moves, the box is opened, revealing an empty space in the middle, roughly large enough for three large silver coins stacked on top of each other. He shrugs as he hands it back to Novos.
With a sigh, Novos starts trying to close the box.
*** “Many generations ago, when but a babe my own great-grandsire’s great-grandsire was, did Callarduran Smoothands of a king tell us. When nigh was the time would he arise. Half of a golden crown he gave us, and a tomb of a great warrior king showed he us. When greatest was our need, take our half of the golden crown to the tomb we are to do, and with the other half reunite it. Drawing close the time is. Our enemies the tomb have discovered we fear. The other half of the crown have they stolen. Taken our birthright, they have. The other half of the crown return to us?” [3]
Dillium recognizes Callarduran Smoothands from a lecture that seemed to last forever, but probably was just before lunchtime. Callarduran is the god of the Svirfneblin, and is held in high regard—perhaps more so than the head of the gnomish pantheon, Garl Glittergold [4].
“Who are these enemies?” Felicity asks.
“Evil ones they are. From us they rob. Our people they kill. Monsters they are.”
An older gnome arrives from the darkness. He is wearing dark armor, and carrying a soft bag made of what appears to be moss. The eldest reaches into the bag and withdraws an arc of gold. It certainly appears to be what you’d expect half a tiara or head band to look like, but it is nearly entirely devoid of ornamentation or decoration. The full crown must be rather plain indeed. Dismissing the trio with a “Think on your words we will,” Felicity, Dillium, Warren (the guide), and Ser Reginald the gnome are escorted from the hall and out of Samek.
Ser Reginald greets them as friends, and chatters through much of the trek up to the surface. He says he is one of a very few remaining ‘royal escorts,’ first named soon after Callarduran Smoothands gave them their half of the crown. They have, over many many many many many many generations (he was unable to count them all), been responsible for guarding the crown and preparing for the arrival of the king. He’s fought the evil ones, and admitted to hunting and killing them in their beds, but would not give a physical description of them. He also admitted that he knew precisely where the tomb was, but had never been inside, “as the time was not yet to hand.”
Finally, they reach the doorway to the outside. With a warning to shield their eyes lest they be struck blind by the sun, Ser Reginald leads the group out to find the rest of the party scrambling to their feet. To the consternation of Ser Reginald, they take the time to break camp, saddle their beasts, and mount up. Ser Reginald wants nothing to do with the horses, so the party creeps along at gnomish walking pace. It is quite possibly the slowest escort quest ever.
Several hours later, the group approaches yet another clearing when they everyone hear a loud rumbling WHOMP! Everyone recognizes it as the sound of rocks falling inside a cave or building. Ahead, a cloud of dust pours out of a cut stone entrance into a hill. “We need to get a move on. The evil ones are already inside!” cries Ser Reginald.
Leaving the horses and asses outside, the party enters the main hall. Arthur asks Atticus to remain with Pocky and the animals, but Mar accompanies the group inside. The moderately sized room has two doorways, though both appear to have been blocked by the recent rock movement. A few minutes of contemplation leads Arthur to believe that one side would take considerable effort to unblock, while the other could be done rather quickly. As he gets to work, the others take in their surroundings. Just inside the door is a carving in an archaic form of common that says “Allies Over Enemies”. Zander notes that there is some indication that there is a test, and one of the mostly broken archways has the word ‘Wit’ carved above it. Felicity notes that according to the archaic writing, there are two tests inside. Dillium is drawn to the faded frescos, though they tend to depict war and destruction.
Soon enough Arthur has the passageway cleared well enough, and the party groups up to go into a large room. The door slides shut smoothly behind them, though there is a door on the far side. Arthur inspects it, “just in case” it is unlocked. It isn’t. The room is more or less devoid of decoration or ornamentation, but there are four columns, one each corner of the room. Novos looks at the column, but fails to note that each side has a letter on it. He does see that he can turn the column one quarter turn, so he does. Once it turns, it refuses to turn again. Members of the party spread out to try to understand the test. Someone notices that there is a small mark on the wall beside each column, but it takes everyone writing down the letters on each column before someone decides to make an effort to coordinate. Arthur suggests that since each column contains an “L”, they should turn the L’s toward the center. Novos points out that he can’t turn the column any further, but Zander turns another column easily. Mar turns another one. As Novos leans up against his column, it turns. The party realizes that the columns can be turned to spell words, and Mar identified the word that was spelled out when they entered. This gets the group going, and with some tactics employed, spell out a word that they hope will open the door. As the last column clicks into place, the door opens smoothly.
The doorway leads to a huge cavern with a five-foot wide natural stone bridge crossing what appears to be a deep, wide chasm. The cavern is pitch black, and while there might be some air movement, the ceiling is too far above and the floor of the chasm too far below to see. The party sets up a marching order with Arthur in the lead and Novos in the rear. Dillium Lights up her staff so that the humans can see and they set out. Ten or fifteen paces across, the party is surprised to come under attack by arrows and javelins. Everyone dodges out of the way of the poorly thrown darts, but one strikes home. No one can see where the javelins came from, or whether it is some sort of trap or if they were thrown. Unfortunately, no one notices that one of the party members has fallen off the stone bridge, either. At the other end of the bridge is a door that opens easily, and everyone makes it into a small foyer. Except for Felicity, who lies at the bottom of the chasm, nearly impaled by a stalagmite. [5] Novos disappears and makes his way to the bottom of the chasm where he finds Felicity and feeds her his last healing potion. Zander pulls out his Wonderous Figurine and activates it. A good-sized wyvern appears on the bridge. He tells it to go down into the chasm and bring back the human. He might have said ‘woman’ but the stone wyvern doesn’t know the difference anyway. It takes off and glides down into the chasm below, and when it finds a human, the wyvern grabs it with his sharp claws and brings it back up to Zander. Novos picks himself up, dusts himself off, and winces at the fresh puncture wounds. Zander, a little annoyed, tells the wyvern to go get the other one, and he does, fresh puncture wounds and all.
Meanwhile, Arthur, Dillium, Mar, and Ser Reginald continue on into a large room. The room is dominated by a huge stone in the middle, with some sort of gemstone embedded in. They also see a dog-like creature standing on the stone, with a piece of golden metal in one hand and a bow in the other. Ser Reginald shouts, “The evil one has the other half of the crown! Get it!” Arthur races forward and Smites the creature.
Mar snarls, “Gnolls. I should have known their stench. She manifests a Spiritual Weapon and attacks with it, then casts a Guiding Bolt. The gnoll, clearly outmatched, fires his bow (missing) and climbs down off the stone. By this time, Novos, Zander, and Felicity have come in (minus the wyvern). Novos speeds over to take a flanking position on the gnoll, but the recent puncture wounds from the wyvern still ache, and he misses entirely.
Around the same time, a larger group of gnolls, armored and armed with swords and axes, enter from the other side and take up positions. One of the larger ones raises his axe to cut down Novos, but one of the gnolls barks out something in a barking sort of bark. All of the gnolls stop and refrain from attacking. Except the one with the huge gash down his front from Arthur. He comes up with a sword and stabs at the air near Arthur. Dillium, likewise shouts for Arthur and Novos (and Mar) to stop.
“Who leads?” asks the female gnoll, as she wraps her shawl around her.
Zander raises his hand. “That would be me. I am the leader of Task Force Chimera.” He sheathes his sword and meets the female gnome in the middle of the room. “I am Zander Roaringhorn, from Cormyr. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”
“Raa’ka. Ssand’r. Sand’r.” Her mouth doesn’t quite make all the sounds as she tries to get his name right. She tells Zander that they are here to fulfil a prophecy that tells of an Alpha Gnoll that will arise in their hour of need. Unfortunately, the crown is… not what they expected. Arthur climbs up on the stone and agrees that the gemstone in the middle seems to connect two pieces of a crown—there’s three pieces total, rather than the two that both the gnolls and gnomes thought.
“Give me the crown!” Ser Reginald cries. Mar snarls.
“I will not. Perhaps we should put the crown together, and then figure out what to do. It is obvious neither of us have the whole tale.” Ser Reginald, thoughtful, agrees.
“You put your piece in first, then.” He says.
“No you put yours in.” Raa’ka replies.
Arthur says, “How about you put them in together. At the same time,” clarifies when the gnolls seem unsure. He jumps down from the stone and gives Ser Reginald a boost up. Raa’ka needs no help.
Gently placing the two pieces of the crown in small cutouts in the stone that appear to be made exactly for their pieces. Ser Reginald and Raa’ka watch for a moment. “Now what?” The crown welds itself together before their eyes. The gem in the center pulses, then shines brightly. Then the whole crown sinks down into the stone. “NO!”
The room rumbles and shakes. The giant stone is cracked into pieces as Raa’ka and Ser Reginald leap to safety. As the dust swirls around and the rumbling fades away, all hear a booming voice.
“AT LAST I AM FREE!”

End of part 10.


[1] Unlike last chapter.
[2] in Chapter 8
[3] Modified slightly from Race for the Crown, Adventures of the Potbellied Kobold, by Jeff Stevens Games.
[4] The Gnomish Pantheon
[5] Remember, stalagmite “might” reach the ceiling, and stalactites hang on tite to the ceiling. Or, you can do the boring National Parks Service way of remembering.

Can someone help me figure out how to proceed.. I submitted a BVA appeal in March online, but had intended to submit a HLR. I submitted a signed letter to the BVA via fax around 60 days ago, but my VA portal says the appeal is waiting to be sent to a veterans law judge. I need it to be removed from my claims/appeals file so I can request a higher level review. I’ve done some reading and it looks like in a lot of cases, the withdrawal isn’t officially received until the appeal gets to the judge. Well if my withdrawal gets to the judge in 4 years, then I would lose my effective date and a HLR wouldn’t be possible anyways. How can I get this resolved? Also I can’t get ahold of anyone at the BVA. The number always takes me to the VA assistance line, and when they transfer me to BVA I still get the assistance line.

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