Me and best friend have been in each other’s lives since we were 12 years old. We’re both 27 now. I’ve lived an hour and 20 mins away from her since I’ve been 13 years old. There’s always been that distance but no matter what we always kept in contact. I’ve always made the drive to see her and spend time with her. Fast forward to 2023, she becomes pregnant. I’m so happy for her. Excited and buying stuff for the baby already. She gives birth in June and I’ve never been so happy and proud of her. Legit cried when i saw him. It’s October now. She’s invited me to her baby’s baptism. There were 2 times stated on the invitation, one for the church and one for the venue. So the week of I reached out to find out if we’re meeting at her house or the church. She tells me to just go to the venue instead. I get there with my boyfriend. You know when you feel a certain vibe? Like an uncomfortable/ awkward vibe? I felt it in my stomach but I ignored it and start to say hi to her and her whole family. We sit at our designated table. I start to hear conversation from her friends about how the church was. I look at my boyfriend confused because I assumed it was only family. That made me questioned why were these people there? Friends that I was just introduced to 2 months ago, but I wasn’t? I’ve been feeling very weird with our relationship. As if we’re outgrowing each other. So i posted to my finsta just expressing how I felt. She saw it and she called me. She said what is this about? I said “ it’s just been how I’ve been feeling about us. i find out that everyone was at the church, but me? “ she said “ well where were you during my pregnancy? I barely saw you.” Now at this moment I’m thinking of all the times I’ve seen her thought out the year which was normal amount of times we seen each other. So i said “you never called or texted me about anything during your pregnancy. Never said anything that you needed me.” She said “i shouldn’t have to. You stopped prioritizing me. I thought it would be different when i gave birth but no.” (A little background on me. I have a full time job working overnights in a hospital. Started going back to school full-time in September of 2023 for nursing school. I have my own relationship and dog-ter. My own apartment which went up 50% this year too. A lot has been going on with me as well) I told her I just started school again, and the times i have off i spend it studying or relaxing at home. She said “well you could’ve made at effort, we couldn’t deal with him as a newborn.” I said “well again you never said anything” she said “you didn’t think my instagram posts meant anything ?” To be honest, saying stuff on instagram is completely different from actually reaching out to people. I told her “i figured you wanted to be alone since you’re figuring out how to be new parents” she said “how dare you make decisions for me. Do you know how it was not to make you a Godmother?” I start to bawl my eyes out. The way you get when you’re trying to catch your breath type of cry. Because we’ve always talked about that since we were kids. Making each other the Godmother to each other’s kid. I said “yes that hurt me” through my sobs. Trying to hold it together so i can speak. She said since i wasn’t there for her that I deserve that title. I’ve always been there for her for anything. She calls and I come. No matter what. I make arrangements. I’ll try to be there. She said that I couldn’t even make it to her baby shower. Which she’s right i couldn’t. Back in May of 2023, she was telling me when she was planning the baby shower. I told her that weekend is my little brother’s graduation in the of Florida. So i wouldn’t even be in NY. I begged her to make it for the following weekend so I can attend because i really wanted to be there. I was buying stuff every week till the baby shower to make her a baby shower basket. With diapers of every size. Wipes. Even hair clips for her too. So she knew i wouldn’t be there and still chose to plan it that day anyways. So i didn’t push anymore it’s her day, but i made sure my boyfriend was there. He helped set up and get the cake. He bought the gifts i bought them even the high chair. Now back to our conversation, i told her it was my little brother’s high school graduation. You knew this. She said okay? You could’ve came for a little bit and left that night. I said no. I was with my family. That’s why i asked for the following weekend. She said “well no why would i change it for ONE person?” I said “okay so why are you mad ?” I’m sorry but i wasn’t not missing my only little brother’s high school graduation. So she didn’t make me a godmother meanwhile her child has 5 Godmothers. I wasn’t 1. There’s other situations that have happened as well throughout the years. But this was the icing on the cake. Something I cannot forgive in my heart. It hurts so much. She’s MY ONLY best friend. She has an army behind her. I would’ve done anything for her. I’ve always showed up for her when she called me. I’ve always made her a priority. But now that I’m trying to better myself and the one time I’m finally thinking of me. I’m the fucked up friend ? So Am I the asshole?

Me and best friend have been in each other’s lives since we were 12 years old. We’re both 27 now. I’ve lived an hour and 20 mins away from her since I’ve been 13 years old. There’s always been that distance but no matter what we always kept in contact. I’ve always made the drive to see her and spend time with her. Fast forward to 2023, she becomes pregnant. I’m so happy for her. Excited and buying stuff for the baby already. She gives birth in June and I’ve never been so happy and proud of her. Legit cried when i saw him. It’s October now. She’s invited me to her baby’s baptism. There were 2 times stated on the invitation, one for the church and one for the venue. So the week of I reached out to find out if we’re meeting at her house or the church. She tells me to just go to the venue instead. I get there with my boyfriend. You know when you feel a certain vibe? Like an uncomfortable/ awkward vibe? I felt it in my stomach but I ignored it and start to say hi to her and her whole family. We sit at our designated table. I start to hear conversation from her friends about how the church was. I look at my boyfriend confused because I assumed it was only family. That made me questioned why were these people there? Friends that I was just introduced to 2 months ago, but I wasn’t? I’ve been feeling very weird with our relationship. As if we’re outgrowing each other. So i posted to my finsta just expressing how I felt. She saw it and she called me. She said what is this about? I said “ it’s just been how I’ve been feeling about us. i find out that everyone was at the church, but me? “ she said “ well where were you during my pregnancy? I barely saw you.” Now at this moment I’m thinking of all the times I’ve seen her thought out the year which was normal amount of times we seen each other. So i said “you never called or texted me about anything during your pregnancy. Never said anything that you needed me.” She said “i shouldn’t have to. You stopped prioritizing me. I thought it would be different when i gave birth but no.” (A little background on me. I have a full time job working overnights in a hospital. Started going back to school full-time in September of 2023 for nursing school. I have my own relationship and dog-ter. My own apartment which went up 50% this year too. A lot has been going on with me as well) I told her I just started school again, and the times i have off i spend it studying or relaxing at home. She said “well you could’ve made at effort, we couldn’t deal with him as a newborn.” I said “well again you never said anything” she said “you didn’t think my instagram posts meant anything ?” To be honest, saying stuff on instagram is completely different from actually reaching out to people. I told her “i figured you wanted to be alone since you’re figuring out how to be new parents” she said “how dare you make decisions for me. Do you know how it was not to make you a Godmother?” I start to bawl my eyes out. The way you get when you’re trying to catch your breath type of cry. Because we’ve always talked about that since we were kids. Making each other the Godmother to each other’s kid. I said “yes that hurt me” through my sobs. Trying to hold it together so i can speak. She said since i wasn’t there for her that I deserve that title. I’ve always been there for her for anything. She calls and I come. No matter what. I make arrangements. I’ll try to be there. She said that I couldn’t even make it to her baby shower. Which she’s right i couldn’t. Back in May of 2023, she was telling me when she was planning the baby shower. I told her that weekend is my little brother’s graduation in the of Florida. So i wouldn’t even be in NY. I begged her to make it for the following weekend so I can attend because i really wanted to be there. I was buying stuff every week till the baby shower to make her a baby shower basket. With diapers of every size. Wipes. Even hair clips for her too. So she knew i wouldn’t be there and still chose to plan it that day anyways. So i didn’t push anymore it’s her day, but i made sure my boyfriend was there. He helped set up and get the cake. He bought the gifts i bought them even the high chair. Now back to our conversation, i told her it was my little brother’s high school graduation. You knew this. She said okay? You could’ve came for a little bit and left that night. I said no. I was with my family. That’s why i asked for the following weekend. She said “well no why would i change it for ONE person?” I said “okay so why are you mad ?” I’m sorry but i wasn’t not missing my only little brother’s high school graduation. So she didn’t make me a godmother meanwhile her child has 5 Godmothers. I wasn’t 1. There’s other situations that have happened as well throughout the years. But this was the icing on the cake. Something I cannot forgive in my heart. It hurts so much. She’s MY ONLY best friend. She has an army behind her. I would’ve done anything for her. I’ve always showed up for her when she called me. I’ve always made her a priority. But now that I’m trying to better myself and the one time I’m finally thinking of me. I’m the fucked up friend ? So Am I the asshole?

My (38F) parents (late 60s M&F) are having a bit of a crisis right now because of my brother (36M) and SIL (32F). My SIL just had their baby and she wanted to have it in her home country so she could be close to her parents and have their support. None of us were overly thrilled with the idea, mostly because we all care about my brother and felt like he was being robbed of an important life experience.
He was only able to get a week off work, and because the date babies are actually born is fairly unpredictable, he had to wait until the baby was already born before he could visit. He wasn't there for the birth of his first child. Furthermore, she then had to remain in her home country, with the baby, for months until they could get a passport, so my brother didn't see his child again for the first 3 months of it's life.
Regardless, we supported her decision, as she was the one giving birth. I recently had a baby myself so I understand how vulnerable you can feel during that time, and how important it is to stand up for yourself and set boundaries for you and your child. That's why, when they SIL made plans to return to our country, I wasn't surprised when we were informed she wouldn't be up for visitors the first week after traveling.
I completely understood and even encouraged it - I couldn't imagine taking a 10-hour flight with a 3 month old, the stress of it and the jet lag, and my husband working full time from the moment I get back, only to have to entertain visitors who just want to hold the baby. I let them know to just get settled (and for my bro to get some quality time with his baby he hasn't seen) and let us know when they're ready for visitors.
My parents, however, took this as a personal attack. As soon as they found out they weren't allowed to bombard my brother's family at the airport they've been on a tear about how this is extremely disrespectful to them. How in "their day" (ie when my brother and I were babies) they had to entertain all sorts of visitors all the time because it was expected, they weren't 'allowed' to say no. When I point out that that's a hazing mentality ("I had to suffer so you should too") and an extremely ill way to think, they'll say something like "we want them to do what's best for them.... But I guess now we know where we stand". They've also mentioned that they "were good enough to help them buy their house but not good enough to visit their own grandchild" and that they're being treated like "second-class citizens".
My SIL finally made a concession that they could come over for 2 hours this weekend (literally 2 days after she's gotten home) and this has only served to anger then even more. Apparently my brother isn't "standing up" for them, and what "really" bothers them is that it's clear SIL just "doesn't want them around".
I've tried to explain to them SIL's perspective, that she's dealing with sleep deprivation and wacky hormones, not to mention the travelling and finally getting to be a family again with my brother I've explained that ultimately she's just setting boundaries, and they should respect them since she is trying to respect their wants. I've explained they're not "owed" anything, regardless of how much they helped out with the house purchase. It wasn't a transaction, it was a gift. They can't trade financial help for dedicated baby time.
My mum hasn't responded to my latest text, though, which outlines all that, despite having read it. So now I'm wondering if I'm wrong, if I too am being disrespectful. Do they deserve to see their grandchild within hours of its arrival in our country, without having a time limit set on their visit?

For the last few weeks, I've been doing a read-through of King's oeuvre for the first time in well over a decade, both re-reading a lot of my favorite books from my initial middle school King-obsession phase and even reading a few I never got around to the first time around (The Outsider wasn't even a twinkle in SK's eye at the time; I thought it was pretty good).
Right after finishing It (it holds up!), I started in on Under the Dome, only really intending to hit those gripping early high points; while I can tear through King's extremely-readable books pretty fast these days, it's still quite long, so I kept telling myself I'd only keep reading until the next chapter break (especially since I remembered being rather cool on the denouement when I read it upon release in 2009).
Long story short, pun intended, I was back at the end within a couple days. Ending spoilers, ofc, after this:
I think knowing what was gonna happen the second time around probably prepared me to be more understanding. Certainly it's not a perfect book, and I couldn't object to anyone saying that it feels like he took the easy way out with the deus ex machina route.
Yet, I think the entire thing being attributable to bored extraterrestrial juveniles fucking with them for kicks is thematically sensible, because, well... we, the audience, are essentially the leatherheads. We are the ones who are getting our kicks by witnessing these characters' squalid misadventures, by way of King's imagination creating this obstacle for them to struggle against.
Granted, it's not a perfect allegory. For instance, King chooses what happens to them, not us (as evinced by the fact that most people would have chosen a different ending). Still: the people of Chester's Mill really and truly do only exist for the reader's amusement, and if aliens were watching me and you, they might clinically take note of something a little sadistic about the satisfaction Constant Readers derive from devouring this and all of King's other, beautifully grisly tales.
Now, if I perceived this parallel as an attempt by King to admonish the audience for our enjoyment of the fucked-up story, as some writers do (Scorsese and The Wolf of Wall Street comes to mind), I would find it cheaply deployed here. You've made a half-billion dollars from our love of reading horrorbooks, you can't get on your high horse here, SK!
But I don't think that's the most parsimonious reading of the allegory. King doesn't think there's anything immoral about his putting fictional characters through the wringer, or our enjoying reading about it. Fictional characters are basically a class of beings who exist to be acted upon in any fashion without triggering moral sanction. The one leatherhead girl who saves the day at the end puts a very fine point on it when she asks Julia, at said climax: "How can you have lives if you aren't real?"
And, of course, within the text of the novel, we see the leatherheads are not the only characters who view other characters as merely fodder to be acted upon. Hackermeyer views the Iraqis this way; the bullies view Julia this way; Big Jim seems to view everyone else this way. Even Junior and his "girlfriends" can be viewed as an extension of the heartless style.
Indeed, the leatherheads' actions are arguably amongst the most defensible in the story: we are naturally prone to see the leatherheads' treatment of the earthlings as cruel, but from their perspective, surely even the one leatherhead girl who takes pity and picks up the dome doesn't actually appear to feel they've done anything wrong by fucking with these little creatures whose sentience she's only beginning to perceive. Yet she still takes that "step in the right direction" and gives them back their "little lives."
What does this mean, metatextually? It can't mean Stephen King thinks he should stop writing books where characters get put through the ringer, or that we should stop reading them. Nor can it mean that stories are only moral if they have some semblance of a happy ending (certainly almost every character had already lost their "little life" before the dome is lifted, and some of his later books end even more bleakly).
What I take away from it is that we are encouraged to be radically open to the possibility that at all times, even if we think our actions are in a vacuum and can't impact any other sentience with a claim to fair treatment, we are being confronted with the opportunity to act in a way that confers either respect or contempt on some other's "little life."
We aren't always even cognizant of this -- but whenever we do recognize that we have the chance to choose respect over contempt, and choose the former, we are moving, even if infinitesimally, in the right direction. The struggle will always continue, and never end: "Sooner or later, the blood always hits the wall." But we ought to keep on fighting the good fight regardless.
[I will also say that if I perceived "the book is about the audience watching the characters" as a thematic well that King went back to many times, that would make this ending much cheaper in my estimation. But I don't really think that's the case: the particular framing device of the Dome as keeping the Chester's Mill folk in a science experiment, where even the other earthlings outside the dome become a proxy for the audience, I think makes this a rather unique audience-allegory in King's bibliography. And I think i works. Even if you agree with my reading and still think it cheap, of course, that's perfectly fine, too.]

I've been seeing a lot of posts here on this Subreddit complaining about how White people are being demonized in society. Examples include these:
-White people are victims of systemic racism.
-Anyone that says white people don't face any racism at all are wrong.
-In western countries, racism against White people and sexism against men are not only ignored but accepted as normal.
-White people are the most openly mocked race.
-White people are treated as a butt of joke in the society.
-"Woke" white people are extremely racist. All of their views and talking points lead to racism.
-First "whiteness", now "proximity to whiteness", it sounds like these people just hate whites.
-Racism agianst white people is normalized and many black people get a pass for almost everything (VERY LONG POST)
(This Sub doesn't allow me to link posts, that's why I bolded and italicized them.)
I'm assuming that all of these posts were written by Conservatives, particularly White Conservatives in general considering a lot of the content that's being written here lately is mostly Conservative in nature and the fact that White people for the most part are Conservatives. In fact, they're the only demographic that mostly leans that way. Not to mention, Anti-White Racism is the only form of Racism that Conservatives fight against. Not so much the other ones, except for Jews.
In all of these posts, they highlight how Whites are being mocked, discriminated, and becoming victims of various forms of racism both openly and discretely in terms of verbal and systematic ways. And that it's White Liberals who are constantly tearing them down along with themselves down in every way possible.
All I can say is that by reading these posts, it got me thinking about something. I wonder if these people who wrote these posts expressing their grievances now realize why Black Conservatives are called Uncle Toms by other Black people. It's because they constantly tear down their own race in order to elevate their status among others. This is the exact same reason these posts that I listed here are addressing.
So here's a little word of advice that I, a Non-White, Non-Conservative person, would want to advise them. I want you to start using the term Uncle Tom to combat all the Anti-White rhetoric against you and use it against the Self-Hating Woke White Leftists who are enabling them. Better yet, use the word Cuck to show Distinction because Uncle Tom already has been taken. Similar terms include Coconut for Hispanics and South Asians, Banana for East Asians, Pick-Me for Women, Simp for Men, and Kapo for Jews. The last two terms in particularly are used by the Right to describe Emasculated Men and Jews who aren't too supportive of Israel. Even other Jews use the word Kapo as well to describe them.
Trust me, there's nothing wrong with saying terms such as Uncle Tom and Cuck. It's not racist or bigoted. It's politically incorrect. It's the language you guys speak, isn't it? You constantly complain and mock White Guilt, so when you use these terms, you're sending a message that you have a sense of Self-Esteem, Dignity, and Respect and that there's nothing for you to feel guilty about. And while you're at it, I hope you to apologize to every single Black person who you accused of racism for calling their own kind who vote Conservative as Uncle Tom because they had a point. If there's anything we can agree on, it's this: Putting down your own race in order to gain approval from others is not cool. Doesn't matter if you're Black or White, Majority or Minority.
Go on, say it. I dare you. I'm being serious. This message is not to be taken lightly. It's meant to be taken seriously. After all, we're not supposed to be politically correct, right? Yeah, that's right. Now, go say Uncle Tom and Cuck to the Self-Hating Whites who are enabling Anti-White Racism. Otherwise, your lives will continue to be a living hell thanks to them.

My husband and I are going to move soon. I know it's better to know the devil you do than the devil you don't but their life is literally one of the main reasons why I don't want kids.
For a bit of context, our property is attached to my neighbours property, their kids are SO loud and they scream ALL the time. They live in a two bed as well! With two kids!! Our houses are identical and I find with my husband / dog and myself it's just about big enough for us. So god knows how they must feel with two kids under the age of 4! But that was their choice...
One of the kids when he doesn't get his own way will slam the doors, he especially does this in their kitchen. Then the husband will walk out and slam their front door, the wife will follow him and they constantly argue outside! I over heard a conversation when I was sitting outside from my neighbour saying to a friend she doesn't agree with dummies / pacifiers because it doesn't help 'self soothing.' I wished I'd shouted yeah I don't hear any self soothing going on.
I'm no way saying they probably can't hear my husband and I but I do feel we are more aware of our neighbours in terms of, shutting the front door quietly or shut our car doors etc. Our dog doesn't bark or make a noise.
They slam the car doors, they leave their car running for AGES before getting out or going elsewhere. Why?? Why do people do this? We have a lot of car crime in the area and I'm honestly waiting for their car to be stolen.
I feel like I can't have a conversation with them about it either because how can you?🤷🏼‍♀️😂 Oh yeah I hear your kids at 6/7am everyday, I know when it's dinner time for them because all I hear in my own kitchen is screaming and a door slamming. I can tell when you and your husband are stressed because you air it out to the whole neighbourhood with your own shouting and screaming....
It doesn't seem that much writing it out but it's literally everyday and it's getting worse and worse. I do feel sorry for them and then I don't because no one forced them to have two kids in such a small house!

I've been working on this story for... 3 months? 4? who knows, with my ability to keep track of time I could have started this yesterday, anyway, this is a story that has sci-fi elements, and some fantasy, although the fantasy stuff is mainly dragons so lets say adventure for now, (cause I don't know shit about genres, I just wrote the story) , Keep in mind, this has been written in free time, of which I don't have a lot, so if you don't like the story it is probably my fault, here is a look at:

Dragons wing

I slowly drift from my sleep and think to myself, ow, why is everything warm? I check the thermostat and see that it is at a temperature as cool as Canada and when I turn back to go back to bed so that I can sleep in, I see that my stuff has been knocked over? Oh sorry, where are my manners? I'm James O’Maley, I put everything back into place, and lay down on my bed but nothing is comfortable! I just decide, you know what, whatever, I’m just gonna get ready for work, and with that i get dressed, everything feels harder to put on, but it really hits me when I go to brush my teeth, when I looked into the mirror, I saw that their were, wings on my back, and a tail, growing out my butt like a lizard, I obviously spend several minutes having an existential crisis about this shocking revelation, and I decide to look at what these wings can do, I open a window, crawl out, with some difficulty and some slamming the window on my tail. I go to the edge of the fire escape railing, hop on, and jump, and I flew, higher and higher, until i nearly flew into a mountain but that's when I suddenly breathed fire, from my mouth, and bore a hole straight through the cliffside, I could spend all day flying, breathing fire, and fiddling with my tail, but I began to feel as tired as if I’d just gotten back from lifting weights with tigers, I landed on a cliffside and fell asleep. When I woke up I wasn’t on the cliffside anymore, there were monitors and scientists all around me. I tried to show some sign that I was awake, but I was chained up! I spent several moments struggling to get free, I must be free, I am not something they can chain down! I struggle, I roar, I attempt to move my head enough to burn the surrounding area, but I can’t, until someone finally talks to me,
“Hello there, James, please forgive us for our caution, but with your kind we can never be too careful.” I can see the scientist, I read his name tag, Dr. Crane William, I roar out
“My kind!? Get me out of these chains!” I breathe fire, claw, kick and swing my tail, trying to free myself, until I see two other people watching, one with weird whiskers, a long tail and a smug look on his face, and the other with a similar appearance to me but her wings are her arms. The next few days go by, until the two finally decide to talk to me, and in those days, My face becomes a snout like a komodo dragon’s, the one with the whiskers opens his mouth first and I already hate him
“Would you look at that, he’s even uglier up close!” I glare at him with absolute hatred, that seems to anger him more,
“What are you mute or something? Speak before I tear you apart!” he takes one step closer and that's all I need, I Bite his shoulder and use his head to break the chains on my right arm, I continue to break the rest of them with ease, and tell whiskers
“You want to fight? Let’s fight!” I leap on top of him, clawing at his face, he tries to slash me with a blade on his tail but I grab it and stab the wall with it, until I feel a burning sensation in my veins, The girl had bitten me! She looks at me with sadness,
“Sorry about this,” I look at her and drift into unconsciousness, when I wake up next I’m in some kind of, medical wing, ha, wing, as I look around I feel that my mouth is bound shut, but other than that, I can move my body, I get up off the gurney and just when I think it looks nice, whiskers shows his face,
“Well thanks a lot freak, now I’m on probation with Dr. Crane.” I motion to my mouth and he seems to have enough brain cells to understand what I mean
“Ha! You got the boot, Lily had that on her when she wouldn’t stop biting staff, I’m Ryan Mist.” I just walk away and try getting this muzzle off, That's when Crane walks in,
“Well, I must say it has been a while since we’ve had to use the boot, Ryan, your behavior was unacceptable!” I can tell that Crane is annoyed, and right as he finishes his sentence, click, the boot falls off my face and clatters to the ground. I don’t bother trying to fight Ryan again, I’m just happy to be able to talk!
“Well that’s a lot better, now, talk, I want answers.” I growl, Crane and Ryan seem surprised that I got the boot off but they talk, turns out, I’m what’s called a dragonkin a Human who has dragon genes in their genome, Lily and Ryan are also dragonkin, although they can’t breath fire, Lily has fangs and a venomous bite, turns out she’s the girl that bit me, and Ryan just looks weird, apparently we are the only dragonkin who evaded the organization that Crane works for, Called ‘Kadmus,’ into adulthood, Lily being found at 22, ryan at 20, and me at 24, on top of that, we are the only dragonkin who have survived that long, it’s at that moment that I notice Lily looking at us from behind some glass, I decide that I’ve heard enough and open the door, and I leave the room.
As I leave the room I can tell that Lily was not expecting me from the look on her face, I start a conversation with her, trying desperately to be friendly and not notice all the scientists glancing at me nervously.
“Hey, Lily, Right?” I say in the friendliest tone I can, “I’m James.” Lily looks at me with a calculating look before answering
“Hello, yeah my name is Lily, Lily Megan.” she clearly is wary of me, but I can tell a few things about her, making herself look small, clearly smarter than she lets on, seems shy,
“How did you get it off?” Lily breaks into my train of thought with the question,
“What?” I ask her, confused,
“The Boot, how did you get it off?” She gestures to the room where Crane and Ryan were having an argument, but more specifically to The Boot, laying on the ground
“Oh that? I once took a lockpicking class when I was younger.” I explain
“Huh, you mind teaching me that sometime?” She catches me off guard with that one, I can tell that she is being genuine so I agree, And we begin working out what time works best.

The next few weeks go by in a flash, but I’ll summarize it for you, I ended up getting my own room like Ryan and Lily, I start teaching Lily how to pick locks, and we end up having a few game nights where we played games like charades, poker, even monopoly, lets just say that we will never play monopoly again. However, the most important thing of all, we ended up finding another dragonkin! We aren’t sure what dragon ancestor he has, but we think he’s another eastern long tail, like Ryan, the new guy’s name is Dillian, He’s great, absolute goofball, he’s from Australia, and according to him, his family has never been anywhere but the land down under, weird, but the guy’s like a little brother to me, so it’s cool, and that catches you up. “Hey Dillian!” I lean my head into his room, “Wanna come hang out with the rest of us? It’s movie night!” Dillian just looks at me, unreadable, 

“Okay, your loss.” I try to hide how unnerving that look felt, but something doesn’t feel right. I go back to the lounge, where Ryan, Lily, and Crane are all waiting for me,
“Sorry guys, Dillian, isn’t up for it.” Lily looks at me disappointed,
“Aw man, and we're even watching Dune!” I just look at her with a sad look, but Ryan manages to lift the mood a little bit,
“Last time we let Crane pick the movie!” Crane just glares at Ryan, I can tell he’s about to lecture him so I just start the movie, around one hour in, boom, everything is blurry, and there is dust swirling, everything hurts. I see Lily and Ryan helping evacuate the scientists, I don’t see Crane anywhere! But that's when I see it, Cranes lab coat, soaked red and underneath a piece of rubble, I try to run towards it, but I can't stay on my legs, I call out,
“CRANE!” My friends hear me, they rush towards me and they see the lab coat, Lily tears up, Ryan is too stunned to speak, then we hear it, we hear him. Dillian, he’s laughing, laughing at the lab coat, laughing at us, My head snaps toward him, I feel the rage burning, my wings flare out, fire rises in my throat, I grab Dillian by the collar, and I roar,
“Do you think this is funny?!” Dillian just keeps laughing, “Crane is deadI!” Dillian looks at me, and he finally stops laughing, he pushes me off and spikes erupt from his skin, his tail wraps around my throat, and he growls,
“Don’t touch me you cretin, my ancestors were nearly wiped out by yours, I’m just returning the favor.” I look at him confused, Ryan seems to have been just as confused as me because he asked,
“What do you mean? The Eastern long tails have never had an issue with the Flying flame drakes.” Dillian just flicked his wrist and one of the spines shot out and nearly sliced Ryan’s head off!
“Do not compare the Wyrms to those foolish sky beasts! They have ruled the land for centuries!” Dillian roars, at this point I finally manage to choke out,
“Wyrm? Like the dragon inside the mountain Wyrm?” I struggle against his tail, I finally get a claw hooked under it and pull, it takes all of my strength to get my head loose and retreat, and then I see Dillian fully for the first time, pale skin covered in red spines and a long tail that could probably crush a normal humans windpipe, if I wasn’t a dragonkin I’d be dead.
“So, you do have a brain. Indeed, my ancestors were the Wyrms, Masters of the land, and the only dragons to be nearly forgotten by time, if it weren’t for the colony under Australia, I would not be a dragonkin.” Dillian snorts, and after saying his piece he leaped up, dived down, and bore through the earth, I try to go after him, but Lily holds me back,
“James you're hurt, and you would not stand a chance against him in your current state!” I hate to admit it, but it’s true, I would not stand a chance against Dillian, oh man, my leg hurts, I look at my left leg and I see that it has a shard of metal sticking out of it, and then everything feels heavy, I hear Lily yell out my name, but she sounds so far away, I don’t try and fight it, I just let the darkness envelope me, at least in the dark I can’t hurt, when I wake up I’m in the medical wing ha, it’s still funny, I have a bandage around my leg and then it all rushes back to me, Crane’s lab coat, Dillian laughing, the rage, everything, replaying over and over in my mind, I immediately try and stand up and I find a lot of difficulty in that, but I manage to stumble off the bed, I avoid putting weight on my leg, and I use my wings when necessary,
‘Well it’s about time you woke up, and here I was thinking that we had wasted time and resources.” I spin around to see a lady in a suit and glasses looking at me with a look of disdain,
“Hello, I am Dr. Leanne Vern, but you can call me Leanne. I am your new head researcher, I hope you are ready for your next few tests, Dr. Crane wasted a lot of time ‘bonding’ with you.” It’s right as she finishes that sentence when I feel the urge to make it her last, I feel rage burning under my skin and I glare at her with every last ounce of anger possible,
“What.” Either she didn’t get the memo or she is just a jerk, because she did not care, but either way I continued,
“Do you think that now is a good time to either ridicule Crane, or tell me that you need to run tests on me? I am not your lab rat” I grab her collar “I am not something you just get to boss around, If you say something like that again I will send you straight to the underworld where you belong.” I shove her back and go look for Lily and Ryan, I find them in the cafeteria, I get some food and sit down across from them,
“Mind if I sit here?” It clearly lightened the mood, but not even Ryan found the humor to reply, but we started to talk turns out I had been knocked out for two weeks, when I asked about Dillian Ryan tensed up, he explained to me that Dillian goes by ‘Death Wyrm’ now, he’s spent the last two weeks tormenting the city, and eventually I brought up Leanne,
“That Dr. Leanne is a jerk though, when I got out of the medical wing she just introduced herself, told me that she would run some tests and insulted Crane.” Lily seemed to agree because she replied,
“Yeah the first day she got here she told me I was ugly, and had me escorted into the testing chamber and forced me to fly for as long as I could or else I would get shocked.” Upon hearing this I feel rage flare up inside me, I flare out my wings and fly straight towards Leanne's office,
“You threatened Lily with being shocked?! What is wrong with you?” Leanne just looked at me stone faced and told me,
“You dragonkin are nothing but freaks that look interesting, you should not be treated like humans, you are tools.” I just stand there, shocked until the dam just breaks, I roared, I grabbed her by the collar and I slash her face with a claw,
“Tools? TOOLS?! The only tool in here is you! First you insult Crane, someone who died only two weeks ago! Then I learned you threatened one of my friends with a shock if they stopped playing your sick little game!” I feel the fire rise in my throat, I open my mouth, but then I see the look in her eyes, fear, absolute, paralyzing fear, I hesitate, and think to myself, oh my god, what am I doing? I release Leanne and walk out of the room, as I’m leaving I hear Leanne bellow from behind me,
“Where do you think you’re going?” I glare back, I don’t need to answer her, but because I know she will hurt my friends if I don’t I tell her what I’m doing, I explain.
“I’m going after Dillian, don’t try to stop me.” I can tell that Leanne is angry, I can feel her eyes shooting daggers at me, she clearly disagrees with me,
“Oh no you don’t, listen to me you bloated gecko, we did not spend millions tracking you down for you to play superhero!” I just walk away from her and go to the cafeteria to tell Lily and Ryan, they of course freak out at me, saying that I should not go after Dillian, that he’d kill me, and that I should stay here, but I look at them with all of the emotion in the world, I tell them
“Look, I know that Dillian would probably kill me, but I at least might tire him out enough for the police or military to stop him, but it’s more than that, I can’t let him hurt innocent people.” Lily and Ryan look at me, Lily hugs me, and tells me,
“Don’t you dare die or I will kill you.” I look at her, And I say to Ryan,
“I hope she’s joking.” Ryan looks at me and punches my arm,
“You are a good friend man, I hope you live through this.” I look at Ryan and Lily, knowing that this might be the last time I see them, I hug them both, and I flare out my wings and I fly off.

As I sped off towards Dillian, no, Death Wyrm, he stopped being Dillian when he killed Dr. Crane, one thought was going through my mind, am I going to survive this? It doesn’t really matter, as long as Death Wyrm gets what he deserves, when I arrive in the city I look around from above first, I decide to stop by my old apartment, I remember when My dad helped me find this place before he died, it has looked weird since I had my stuff moved into my room at the Kadmus site, I decide to sit down on the floor, when all of a sudden I hear a click and a secret safe opens from the wall. Inside I find a video message to me from my dad, along with an envelope, with the words for when I’m gone written on it, I look through the envelope and I find an old Kadmus keycard for my dad, so that's what his work was, I knew he was secretive but damn, A few other papers that talk about dragons, turns out, Kadmus had been looking into the dragons for years, although these papers are odd, as if my dad had prior knowledge of the dragons. The ball drops when I play the video message it says, 

>Hello, James, if you are watching this then I’m probably dead. In the envelope that you have found alongside this message, there is also my old keycard, it will give you full access to any Kadmus site. Along with my personal notes on the Flying flame drakes, the Eastern long tails, the Wyverns, and some vague knowledge of a supposed fourth dragon species, including some vague diet, and possible weaknesses, but if you’ve already read them, then that means you have seen that the Flying flame drake notes are more definitive, that’s because I am also a dragonkin, I only inherited physical strength from our ancestors, but I have a feeling you will have more characteristics, but I am saying this because you need to know the history behind our ancestors, and the rest.<
I look at the message and wait for it to continue, until a small piece of paper slips out of the metal box that is the message, when I open it I find out that in the beginning of the dragons, there were supposedly four species, the Flying flame drakes, the Eastern long tails, the Wyverns, and the Wyrms, until the Wyrms struck out, they had felt as though due to there inability to fly, that the other dragons thought less of them, the dragons were forced to lock away the Wyrms deep beneath what would one day be called Australia, and then man arose, and along with them the first dragonkin, Tiamat, a Flying flame dragonkin, as my dad called him, but the humans lived in fear of the dragons, eventually driving them to the bleeding cut edge of extinction using their advancing technology, eventually humans all but forgot about dragons, reducing them to myth or fairy tales. That was more or less all that was written, I committed all of this knowledge to memory, and then I heard a loud boom and some maniacal Dr. Doom esc laughing, I peer out of the window to see Death Wyrm, tormenting people, I leap out of the window and into the air, getting a good angle before dive bombing Death Wyrm, breathing fire on him and slashing him with my claws,
“Hey Dillian, did you miss me?” I laugh, I tried to pull a Ryan and joke myself into feeling confident, and it kinda helped, Death Wyrm roars out in rage,
“Why didn’t you stay out of my way?” He whips his tail up, shooting spines out at me, although thanks to my practice I manage to dodge them, I decide to not make a joke and just stay quiet for now, I remember something a security guard once told me, if the enemy is in range so are you, don’t just talk, actually attack, I know that I am in range for a fireblast but Dillian doesn’t know that, I shout out,
“Those spines must really hurt, but not as much as my claws!” I suddenly make a sharp turn and get in close with my talons, I first duck beneath Death Wyrms hook, and slash at his stomach, I then dodge a spine shot, and quickly follow up and through with a tail whip, knocking him off balance, then quickly blast fire right at his feet, but I didn’t see that Death Wyrms tail had grabbed my leg before it had already thrown me two blocks away, I was getting up when I felt a Burning pain in my arm, when I looked to see, it was one of Death Wyrms spines, It had only penetrated the outermost muscle tissue, I would heal in a few weeks but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hades, I rip the spine out and breath fire on the wound in order to cauterize it, when I suddenly feel Death Wyrms tail around my throat, choking me, and I am all of a sudden pinned to a wall, with my mouth bound shut, great it’s the boot all over again, I see Death Wyrm, he’s grabbing the spine I ripped out, he walks towards me, and he gives me a small speech,
“You know James, if you weren’t so noble I’d actually have let you join me, I never wanted to kill you, but you leave me no choice.” He lifts the spike up, when all of a sudden he is blasted back seemingly by a freakishly strong gust of wind, wait, that's a thermal updraft, I turn to see the best sight I could have seen, Ryan and Lily! Ryan opens his mouth first and I couldn’t be more thankful for his humor,
“Nobody treats James like that but me!” He then flies into battle riding on a thermal, while Lily freed me, she slices through the binding on my mouth and I immediately ask,
“What are you guys doing here?” Lily opens her mouth to answer but Ryan cuts in with being thrown into a wall
“Me and Lily are saving you, idiot, speaking of which a little help here?” Me and Lilly help Ryan up and we all get ready for a fight, but before we can charge in, Lily hands me a headmic,
“Here put this on,” I do as she says and suddenly Leanne's voice buzzes in through the speaker,
“Well it’s about time,” I am just happy to have some help with knowing my surroundings,
“Whatever happened to ‘we didn’t spend millions tracking you for you to play superhero?’” If Leanne heard me she didn’t answer, I just started to run towards Death Wyrm, before I took off alongside Lily and Ryan, I felt a familiar rage build up in my veins, I allow the rage to drive me forward, I feel the heat, the fire, rushing to every vein in my body, building along with all of the rage in my life, I gather my thoughts, a raging body is good for combat but a raging mind is bad for victory, when this feeling washes over me, I finally feel calm, I feel at peace, I never want this feeling to end, I open my snout, and unleash a twisting, flowing, blooming tunnel of flames,wounding Death Wyrm and distracting him long enough for Ryan to swing in with a bladed tail to his back, followed by Lily, biting into Death wyrms tail, as Death Wyrm roars I dive in and I do something unexpected, I talk to him,
“Dillian, I thought of you as a little brother, but you killed someone I cared about, I am sorry but, we need to take you in.” Death Wyrm roars, he writhes, up until Lily’s venom takes hold and he falls to the ground, defeated, a news reporter had been, well reporting, nearby and walked up to me, and asked me for an interview,
“Under normal circumstances I would agree, but not right now.” I wave as I signal to Ryan, it takes an embarrassingly long time for him to get the hint that I want him to create a thermal under Death Wyrm in order to transport him, but he follows my lead, and before we know it, we are flying toward the Kadmus site, but as we fly, I yell behind me,
“Hey, go ahead, I’ll… I’ll catch up.” Lily looks at me while Ryan just zooms ahead, no questions asked,
“Okay what are you doing?” I just look at her, feeling conflicted about telling her about my dad, for all I know this could get me in trouble, or worse, I make a split second decision,
“I… I think I saw something.” surprisingly it works, I swoop back towards the city and back to my old apartment and I grab the message from my dad, his keycard and the papers, I then fly off with them clenched between my arms and my body, I then fly into the Kadmus site, and discreetly go to my room, in order to hide them, I then get out of the site, and fly back into it acting like nothing happened, and to my surprise, there was a celebration waiting for me, there was cake, and wine, and even a nice Irish whiskey, eventually I asked about Death Wyrm, and turns out he was placed in a secure facility, deep under the site, and that anyone with high enough clearance could go down there, I decide that that is probably for the best.
After the celebration, I go into my room, and pull out the message, I look over it, Dad was a big fan of puzzles, so maybe this message is a puzzle? After several minutes fiddling with it, the message began to whir, and it then showed a place for a fingerprint, gotcha, I placed my thumb on the finger print and it pricked me, like I was getting my blood drawn. After that a key fell out of the message box, and a keyhole on the side, I of course used the key, which then played a different message,

Hello James, and I know it's you who will be watching this, at the time of making this message I am about to help you “find” an apartment, this is one that will only play for other people if you give them access and get a blood sample, the key you used is a one of a kind, and allows you full access to pre-recorded messages, and answers for certain questions, I hope that there will come a time when you don’t need it, but, knowing you, you will probably forget what the messages say within an hour, but anyway, I hope that this helps you greatly, here is a list of topics that the message box can give you data on.< The video then becomes like an interactable encyclopedia, where I can read the list at my own pace, I skim through it before my eyes lock on one entry, Dr. Crane Williams, I open the entry and i read about Crane, turns out, he was my fathers research partner and close friend, and the two of them met in college because they had managed to win a competition that landed them tuition for any college of their choosing, and they became friends after my dad stopped somebody from messing with Crane, there was a whole lot more there about Cranes upbringing, his family, his education, but I had to cut it short when Leanne entered my room, unannounced,

“What are you doing?” She glared, in her usual condescending tone, I am not in the mood for this “Jump off a cliff.” I growl, as I tuck the message away, but she sees it, and by the look on her face she could tell what I was looking at, “Let me guess, a message you don’t want anybody seeing?” I hate her but damn it she can connect the dots well, “Was it obvious?” I don’t bother denying it, she’ll just be a jerk about it, “No, I’m just used to being lied to, who's the message from?” Leanne nods at the message box, 

“It’s from my dad, he apparently worked at Kadmus and was friends with Crane.” The fact that my dad both worked ant Kadmus and was friends with crane seem to shock her, what’s really shocking though is what she asks next,

“Was your dad by chance Shane O’Maley?” I look at her, confused, “He was, why?” Leanne immediately seems to get shell shock, as she starts to geek out, “James your father was pretty much science royalty, I would have done anything to speak to him, oh my god I insulted the dead friend of Shane O’Maley, and of his son!” I feel angry that she brought that up again, but now feels like I can get something good out of this, “Ok I’ll make you a deal, if you only do tests with me and the other dragonkin willing to do so, and make sure not to do things like threatening to shock us if we don’t do what you want, I’ll tell you stories about my dad, deal?” It was almost impressive how quickly she answered, 

“Deal! Shock threats, exhaustion tests, and anything else like that is gone!” I am really happy that I can do stuff like that. That is the best ability ever.*1
*1 WIP

I had the strangest encounter experience. I have just arrived home from my trip to Japan (Lasted two weeks.) Throughout the trip I visited all the major cities, and ended the trip in Tokyo (4 nights). The hotel was in Shinjuku. On the 2nd day, I lost my room key, and you needed a room key to access the floors, so I hitchhiked an elevator ride with a stranger to get to my floor.
This is when the coincidences started. {This is a loosely remembered conversation, it's not word for word}
"What floor?" I asked. "Five, but I already pressed it. :D" they replied. "Ah- Sorry that I ran in here (They flinched a little when I ran into the elevator), I lost my room key so I had no way to get to my floor-" I said as I nervously laughed. "Oh, don't worry then! :D" they said. "Yeah, thank you for your help, I needed to get to my floor" and I laughed some more. The door opened and they left for their floor, but they turned around as if they were about to say something... "Have a nice night," I told them. "Yeah, good night :D" they said.
This later turned into a major regret, because this felt like one of the most comfortable conversations I have ever had when talking to someone face to face.
I later saw them in the morning of the next day, but they were with someone (Supposedly their father I'd assume). I was eating breakfast with my mother, and we were discussing itinerary. We were going to Ginza that day. Ironically enough, the first place we hit in Ginza, I saw them again.
I then saw them once more in the hotel lobby that evening. Please keep in mind that the hotel had 14 floors, and possibly 200+ guests. I saw different people eating every morning, except for this person and their travel partner (Lets go with that.)
I kept thinking of our conversation, and I wondered was it a coincidence to see each other 3 times? I thought of maybe exchanging contacts, but I thought that'd be too brash, and if I did I'd want it to be somewhere private, not in a public area. (I'm an absurdly socially awkward person).
The next morning, I saw them again. I didn't see them again in the evening, but it was turning to only two days left before I leave Japan... I thought, is it a coincidence that I saw them 4 times already? After pondering if its a coincidence, or some weird shit, I asked in my head, "Fate if you are real, let me be in an elevator with them once more, I won't mess this up."
The next day, I saw them a few more times. All in the elevator.
I'm not one to believe in superstitions, but this changed my beliefs; I'll be damned if I said Fate was not real.
The first time was with random strangers after pulling up to the hotel to hit the sack. (Hotel is on 3rd floor of a building, weird right?) The 2nd time was to get up to the hotel floors. (Because there's different floors) But I wasn't able to stay in the elevator because the elevator wouldn't close, so my mom and I got off. It closed all right.
Then in the evening, we had to drop something off for another story. Heading down the elevator(s), they also went down, just them. But my mom was with me, you know how weird she'd be if I asked them for their number and she'd be sitting there? This also happened on the way down to the ground floor.
I messed up. I never saw them again. I did not get their contact. I did not see them on the last day. I did see their travel partner, and we made an awkward long silent eye contact- But why should I ask them for their (The stranger's) number? This is a long shot in the dark, posting this here, maybe hoping they'd see it.
Now what I want to know is... Was this Fate? Or an absurd amount of coincidences?

Let’s switch it up and start with why you should NOT be my friend

• I heavily invest in friendships way too fast. If you hate “clingy” to the minimum, I’m not a good friend lol
  
• I want to say in my early 20s I had an anxious attachment style. Though years of growth, there’s def flare ups of who I used to be if I ever get really attached.
  
• I’m quite oblivious. If you don’t explicitly tell me you like talking, I’ll assume the abs opposite 😂
  

Ok let’s go with some green flags

• I like communicating! I have a lot to work on so I try to address it asap
  
• In a mutual friendship, we celebrate all our victories big or small. You got a new job? Hell yeah. You were able to ask the server for extra napkins? Proud of you
  
• I would hope my friends consider me trustworthy. Nevertheless I’m a random on the Internet and would rather work to gain your trust
  

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to message :) if any of this annoys you, I hope you have a wonderful day

an email i considered sending to my therapist, but never sent. share any thoughts as you would like :) thank you to anyone who takes the time to read
little jacked up, admittedly probably shouldn’t have done the block or two home from the bar if i’m being honest. it’s kind of wild the way things change and stay the same. the level of disconnect and the lack of discernment between what is okay and what is not. knowing and not knowing… rationalizing? what is okay
and the sadness as you watch people succumb, over and over, more and more. and you stand back and watch as people simply take watch, observe the decline, yourself included. and you think, well, they don’t know any different. but if you’re asking yourself the question, if you all make the jokes that indicate the awareness with things left unsaid… i don’t know. it’s an incredibly sad world we live in some days
and there’s people that greet me upon entering, and these people say they adore me, their words. and i’m here wondering why they ask me these questions, truthfully why can’t you just recognize that i need more than 6 ft of distance for me to be okay with you talking this intensely. no ill intent, warmth, encouragement. and i want nothing more than to not be seen. it’s amazing, truly.
there are so many missed communications. and people just carry on, they just continue to whatever beat their drum drums. they continue to color inside the lines, they don’t dare to shake their status quo. not recognizing that their status quo is what keeps things where they are. not recognizing that if they see something , say something. and i think it’s even more sad if they do see it. i’m one of those people, and i can empathize because i feel powerless too.
it’s a wild wild world all the time
and yet, my aunt texts me just now, she says “ Thanks for listening to me all the time. You’re one of the very few people that I can talk to and know that you totally understand what I’m jabbering about. ” so i have meaning, i made impact. right?
we’re all witnesses to this shit. it’s wild
i must be more jacked up than i thought, to be shamelessly sharing.
i think too many people are in pain, with no means to get out. except they have the means, they have the help, they just can’t see it. it’s a profoundly sad world. and nonetheless, a good night . a night of sharing, of exchanges, of authentic conversation.
i don’t know. i don’t quite have the words
i know that im deeply grateful to have the space to express. and i know that i wouldn’t be here if not for you
how many people don’t have a version of you? how many people stumble blindly through whatever their shit is, unknowingly colluding
i don’t know
and what is there to do? the spouse of the alcoholic takes him in the car home, he’ll sleep in the car or on the couch. the father who texts his son thanking him for his honesty about having been drinking, and therefore isn’t going to pick up his dad. i tell him, that’s a great text from your dad. good on you. (he’ll appreciate that someday if he doesn’t already). did he hear me? was he more upset that i shouldn’t be looking over his shoulder? it wasn’t my business in the first place? he wouldn’t be wrong.. but i read it and wished id have heard it, so i said something. he thanked me, so maybe. but maybe not, maybe he thought fuck you. the brother that storms out on his sister over who knows what, what i hear as a “years long conflict, this happens at least every other time they get together.” and it’s normal, so let’s move on, let’s have fun. forget about it. under the rug it goes.
how are people not profoundly disturbed by this? how do they actively participate?
and how can i say that as i stand by and watch these things pass by because these people are 20-30 years older than me, i dont have the connection necessary to plant any seeds of change. and yet i have 5 minute conversations with people only to hear that they call me extraordinary, they say im destined for great things, always have been.
i don’t know. i don’t know what i feel
i just know that it’s difficult for me to interact with so many people that have no idea what to do. and i have the empathy. i didn’t, i don’t know what to do either. you just keep trying anyway, but they don’t seem to. they brush it off, they act like it’s nothing so as to minimize the discomfort, in an effort to save somebody’s feelings.
i don’t know. it’s a wild thing
nobody i know is ever malicious. i know malicious people exist, they are not the ones i know.
it’s insane to me the level of harm that can be done despite good intentions. and how disturbingly normal it is to watch and do nothing. nothing. sit back. they’ll figure it out. maybe. someday. maybe. hopefully.
it’s fucked up. what if they don’t? what if they need you to say something? what if they need to know that it’s seen, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if it hurts?
i don’t know. i’m not pointing the finger, im no different, im a participant as well
but im 24, i say, im only a kid compared to these people. cant be much different than the things they all tell themselves.
i don’t know.
it’s a weird thing.
and today was my dad’s 50th birthday . and i hugged him multiple times, trying to tell him i love him. trying to tell him to stay close. take care of yourself, i need you around. and yet im fuming over the treatment of my step-sister who still lives in his house. the lack of accountability taken. and how could you carry on this way. how could you not see what you’re doing. how could you continue to oppress, restrict another human being, another child of yours. i told you what it did to me, didn’t i? didn’t you listen? i thought you did.
but i love this man more than i give a fuck whether the sun rises the next day, and so i will give him grace. i will hug him tight because i don’t want him going anywhere. i see him laugh it up, i see him brush things off, i see him swallow, and make light. and i watch his body decay as the stress compounds. why? how? but i get it, too. i haven’t said anything either. that’s all we know
i care that he knows how much i love him, how much i need him, how much i yearn for closeness, for him to understand. i see the weight that you’re carrying that you tirelessly try to dismiss
i don’t know what to do with all of this sometimes there’s too much to be seen that isn’t said.
i’m highly analytical, im logical, im rational, im disconnected. and honestly i don’t know how else to exist, because feeling it all, watching it all
i don’t know sometimes. i don’t know
and it was a great night. it was a great night
too many paradoxes.
and i’ll wake up tomorrow, i’ll forget about this. i’ll be caught up in my own world. it will be out of sight out of mind
what can you do? are the messages i receive from people like my aunt enough? do i need to think better? it’s not like im not already cracking under my own weight. but would more mean more? do more? how do we all sit back like that. how do we all do that
blows my mind, and i understand it all the same.
crazy. crazy. crazy.
i hope you’ve been able to get some rest it makes me wonder sometimes… did you abuse your body too like i have? is it a case of poor genetics? is it to be expected with aging? do you have regrets that you’re now paying the price for? or have you made your peace and you roll with the punches? what are the things you tell no one about? what are the things you try to forget? what are the things you deny but secretly know, the things that only you could possibly know? and am i projecting? is there a level of healing where that’s not what you think anymore? but at the end of the day, i think everybody has those, no matter how healed you think you are. is that reality or just mine?
do you have somebody too?
maybe it’s arrogant of me, but i don’t think i would sense, i don’t think i would suspect if there was nothing to know.
that pains me some days.
but maybe that’s the human part of this work. maybe i’m human, and you’re human, and we all have things left unseen and untouched, unsaid.
do i think that because im wounded? or is that how this thing we call life is? i don’t know.

Hi all, I’m David and as you seen I’m 49. If age matters, then please move on. If not, hey there!!!! I live in Scotland and yes I live alone. I have a disability, I over worked my legs and now they don’t work so well, I use two crutches to walk! I don’t work in the traditional sense seen as I am disabled. So about me, I’m 173cm or 5’7”. I’m not toned but also not fat! Dad bod comes to mind. I’ve salt and pepper short hair and a beard of same colour. Glasses also. So about you, well hopes anyway! Be human!!! Always a good start. I do prefer short or petite but if the right person comes along then hight and such is out the window. One thing that is a deal breaker, I am not a lover of large breasts! I’m a smaller the better guy!! But again, the right person!! I hope your kind, understanding, has ethics! Is ‘K’ positive and likes to be touched as I am very tactile!! Looking for that one fem that’s going to blow my mind!! Make me feel at home! Comfortable and caring! In return you would obviously have the same from me!
I don’t ghost and please don’t ghost! If you’re not interested then just say! We can go our merry way!
Made it this far! Wow, we may have a winner!! Stop in, drop me a line, and a wee bit about yourself! And feel free to ask me anything!
Chat to ya soon!! 🤟🏼

Hi all, I’m David and as you seen I’m 49. If age matters, then please move on. If not, hey there!!!! I live in Scotland and yes I live alone. I have a disability, I over worked my legs and now they don’t work so well, I use two crutches to walk! I don’t work in the traditional sense seen as I am disabled. So about me, I’m 173cm or 5’7”. I’m not toned but also not fat! Dad bod comes to mind. I’ve salt and pepper short hair and a beard of same colour. Glasses also. So about you, well hopes anyway! Be human!!! Always a good start. I do prefer short or petite but if the right person comes along then hight and such is out the window. One thing that is a deal breaker, I am not a lover of large breasts! I’m a smaller the better guy!! But again, the right person!! I hope your kind, understanding, has ethics! Is ‘K’ positive and likes to be touched as I am very tactile!! Looking for that one fem that’s going to blow my mind!! Make me feel at home! Comfortable and caring! In return you would obviously have the same from me!
I don’t ghost and please don’t ghost! If you’re not interested then just say! We can go our merry way!
Made it this far! Wow, we may have a winner!! Stop in, drop me a line, and a wee bit about yourself! And feel free to ask me anything!
Chat to ya soon!! 🤟🏼

I told few close friends about this dream I had around late summer in 2020. I had my apartment in Albuquerque in the uptown area, so I lived alone. I’ve always loved my solitude and enjoying quiet time and basking in my own energy. Due to the pandemic, I was happy that quarantine was also very fresh, I think I had just went back to work after my job being shut down for a couple of months (I work for a hair salon)
So, for starters :

• [ ] I have had my fair share of sleep paralysis which was at an abnormal high during this time.
• [ ] I have always left work around 5pm ish, and I noticed one day around 4pm ish ,
• [ ] it was wayyy more windy than normal outside. I didn’t think much of it but I did take note of how odd it was that it suddenly became windy af. I went home that day and just hung out by myself in my apartment .. The wind seemed to pick up soooo much more as the night came. I fell asleep that night pretty easily though.

Anwyay, I don’t remember what time it was maybe like 2 or 3AM and I remember like, kinda frantically waking up because I heard this LOUD crash like as if someone was tryna break in through my windows or something. Im certain that I woke up or .. thought I did….
Everything was fuzzy. And I was a bit dizzy… It was still soooo windy outside too. I was quickly relieved because my first thought was , “ oh it’s just really windy out” BUT… The comfort and relief I felt quickly disappeared as eyes shot over to my window. I could have sworn that I saw a white barn owl, tapping at my window…it was like frantic. Like it was trying to warn me or something. But it was dark … I couldn’t make it out too much and wanted to stay awake so badly to investigate. But my body and mind just could not bring themselves to agree on that. At this point, my brain was just scrambling .. i remember thinking to myself like “hey , it’s just an owl. Remember ? They’re your spirit animals ” but I also had thought to myself , “hey it’s okey It’s just your sleep paralysis ..” (I’ve been super connected to owls for some time and feel very spiritually connected to them, so while most people view owls as a bad omen, I see them as protection and a symbol for highly intuitive beings and inner wisdom)
So seeing yet another owl (amongst allll the others I’ve had dreams of and seen in my waking life) , was normal to me. My brain telling myself “it’s okay it’s just one of your owls” is something that I feel is pretty logical given how I feel about owls.
Because of this, i really didn’t think anything seemed too off, despite wether i actually saw a white barn owl tapping at my window or not, if thats all I heard and saw that night, i honestly would have been okay with seeing a white barn owl outside of my window because I’m use to owls showing up for me any way.
But where’d that loud crash come from? This is where it all got weird ..
I remember feeling soooo pulled to just go back into my sleep. (This is another one of them sleep paralysis demons I thought) because along with my connection to owls , I am kinda use to sleep paralysis as well 😅 as mentioned above. I’ve dealt with it on and off for so long, it’s not soemthing i can say I haven’t had to deal with before , regardless of how bad it was lol
So, again. I didn’t think anything of it… But I went “back to sleep” and I remember literally seeing a bright light over my head. My vision was like blurry, like my eyes or body had been injected with something that suppresses my senses.. or something..
I remember seeing 3 “greys” I wanna call them.. Tbh i haven’t researched too much about what the greys or what they look like, but these 3 beings standing over me , while I couldn’t move my body or talk; they were grey in color. Almost slightly metallic grey.. their bodies were super tall,, and oblong shaped.
It was so wild. I felt fear. I felt trapped. And invaded. But I couldn’t get away.
Unfortunately, I don’t remember too much about what else happened , but I couldn’t shake the feeling of violation. Like someone was alllll in my business . I felt intruded on but because everything was so unclear and fuzzy; a part of me is convinced it was all just a dream. A dream where I got abducted by the aliens. Just a dream right …?
The days and months following - the years following , I haven’t had a “dream” like that since then. But , I cannot fail to say that there has been sooo much I’ve experienced and seen and still am searching for an explanation for since then. But we shall save that for other subs
The crazy part about this “dream” I had . Or THINK I had, was that there WAS something at my window. and i wasn’t just seeing or hearing things..
The only reason why I know this is a fact is because I remember leaving my apartment the next day.where my window was, you can look out into the parking lot where I always parked my Durango I was driving during this time. I walked out of the building , walked to my truck, and hopped in. Every time I’d be leaving anywhere, I would always look back at window to make sure it was closed. I can be forgetful sometimes lol.
Welp, What I saw still baffles me to this day. Every apartment had its own water coolor in its window, mine included. As I looked back at my window backing out to the parking lot to leave, I noticed the stucco from the wall was significantly torn where my water cooler was installed. It looked bad, like someone was trying to yank that that thing out of the wall. It definitely was not like this before.
It allll just came rushing in. what the hell happened there??? But it was obvious …. The loud crash I heard the night before was the wall being torn pretty badly and my water cooler being almost yanked out of place , that’s what that crashing sound came from. I kept telling myself it was alll just a dream.. or just the wind.. but if the wind was the cause of that, how come none of my neighbors were out of place? Why not their stucco??? I looked around at my neighbors’ windows, at their coolers:.. it was odd and creepy that I was the only one whose wall at my window had been torn off .. like why only me?! 🙃I even called the maintenance guy of the apartments because it was bad and had to be fixed. He even freaked out and said it looked like something that would be a result of someone or something using so much force to try to yank the cooler out of the wall.
Till this day I’ve told this story to a few people. Everyone freaks out and always ends with , “have you seen the ‘fourth kind?!’ “ or mothman lol
And no I haven’t. anyone who knows me , knows I’m literally one of the only people around who just cannot sit and watch tv or movies . I’m always that friend that missed the movie references in inside jokes. how can I understand the jokes amongst my friends if I haven’t even seeing a lot of movies that they were referencing ? It’s always the same movies that everyone else more or less has seen atleast once.
What’s Great about this is how I’ve been for so long. I’ve always chosen music over tv , i need music all day every day to feel okay. I’ve seen some movies that a lot of people have seen , lots of pop movies and what not, but I’m always the person who still hasn’t seen alot of the ones that everyone else seems to have seen already. Everyone knows I’m the girl who “doesn’t watch tv” 🥲 ; my heart is always gonna be music. I’ve tried getting into watching stuff with people and sometimes Ive managed to stick with it. but more often than not, I either end up falling asleep, or I’m listening to music with my ear phones in .. 💀
So recently, I told one of my huge movie fanatic friends about my dream and the owl and the greys I saw and how I’m not really sure about what happened that night . With the wall outside of my apartment where my window was being destroyed the next day, he was like oh my word. Something was out there! He also quickly freaked out like everyone else I’ve told this story to,“OMG ITS LIKE THE ‘FOURTH KIND!’ 🥴😱 followed with , “have you seen it??!”
And I’m like “nooo , everyone keeps saying my dream is like this movie oh my goodness “ 😭😭
Now im just here in this sub. All I wanna know is.
Should I watch this movie.??? I’ve heard of it . But haven’t seen it. Some friends mentioned the moth man too which I’ve heard of as well. But idk which one or both? I’d prefer to just see one lol like I said, it takes a lot for me to feel like watching movies is my ideal form of entertainment.
My friend says he’s not sure if I should watch it because it might “mess with my head” but tbh.. I’m like why not?? Maybe it’ll bring me clarity about what really took place that night..
idk. What do you think?

The entire "sacrifice your dog even though you love it so you can escape from a bear" analogy is terrible for obvious reasons, it fails to take into account the evolutionary level of the relevant species and everything that makes an advanced species advanced. The other day a I had a shower thought that I feel would be much more appropriate for what Ashley was trying to say, in context of the real world: If I was for whatever reason presented with a choice of saving one of two people I never met, one is of my nationality and one isn't, one must always die and only the other will survive, I would always save the person who is of my nationality even though I haven't met either of the two. Is it wrong that my brain goes this way? I mean, flipping a coin in such a situation would be the neutral, objective choice because we are all the same, we are all humans, but damn man I wouldn't be able to do that and I would expect from another person to always pick "their own" over me if they were in that situation, no matter if "their own" means only the flag and the passport they carry.
Does this make any sense to anybody else or am I an idiot who's trying way too hard to rationalize what one of their favorite characters tried but failed to convey?

So my high school ex reached out to me randomly. Which was extremely weird timing because it landed on the same exact night I just moved in with a fellow old high school mate. Anyways, he messages me asking “are you happy?” To which I replied basically I’m very grateful for my life though I know I don’t deserve it. And then I went on to apologize to him for the shitty things I did during our relationship. We dated about 4 years into our first year of college and then broke up. During that time I was basically a shitty girlfriend. I’d cheat and even try to date his older brother. I’m sure there’s more shitty things that I can’t think of since this was about 10+years ago. But still. I think about it all the time and how I’m sure it messed him up. I’ve been trying to apologize for a long time to be honest but I couldn’t find him on social media and figured he blocked me. Then today he pops up. He replies to my apology basically saying “go fuck yourself. I wish I never met you. You’re the worst person I’ve ever met. ” etc And I can’t blame him for a second. What I did- well shit it’d fuck me up too. And I just don’t know what else I should do. If there’s anything I can do. Part of me is like “well you apologized there’s nothing you really can do. Just let him cuss you out. God knows you deserve it.” And then there part of me saying “this man is HURTING and your doing nothing.” So I guess I just wanted to ask Reddit if there’s something else I’m not thinking of that I should be doing to help?

I (39f) sent my mother (Rita) a FB message telling her I needed to go No Contact for a month with very little detail.
The dynamic with Rita went awry several years ago after dealing with her opioid addiction, the roles kind of reversed and I felt more like the parent.
Rita got clean shortly after dating an old co-worker (while still married); after separating from her husband, she told me that she couldn't afford an apartment; I offered to move with her, to split the rent and even bought her a bed, living room furniture and a kitchenette. I had high hopes we'd start getting along more.
Rita insisted I meet her new guy (Clint) again, but this time as an adult. Let me preface this by saying, 10 year old me was in the right to "accidentally" spit chocolate milk at this guys face while he told me a joke.
He was creepy and tried too hard then and still does now.
I visited her new at Clint's place and while there he would (jokingly) make comments about wanting to see me in a bikini or me seeing him in a speedo. He would tell me he loves me 10-20 times within 5 minutes and joke about leaving Rita for me when she was within ear shot; she never said anything to him about these.
During quick polite goodbye hugs he would hold it for too long and try to kiss my neck, I continuously pulled my shoulders up to cover my neck and try to get away but he'd kiss my neck or ear. I told both of them numerous times I was not comfortable with it and after 4 visits and numerous complaints to my mom, it finally stopped but he labelled me as an ice queen.
Rita was making my nephew a birthday dinner and Clint came over to our house. He slapped my ass and cupped his hand before removing it; my nephew was outraged (so was I) and Rita laughed when she heard about it.
Before I moved back to my home town, I went to visit my mom and Clint with my dog, Buddy. Clint's son (Wes) was over and I felt safe coming back over for dinner because his son is a good guy; big mistake.
While I was sitting there listening to music with Rita and Wes, Clint comes back into the living room and sits on my lap and starts 'wiggling' around inappropriately- I told him to stop but he keeps doing it, I demand he stops and try to shove him off of me and he laughed; but he wasn't the only one laughing, Rita was too. I stared at her for 3 seconds and she dragged him off of me. I stood up, he sat down and I rudely said "you're lucky I didn't kick you in the balls, I should have", his response was "oh really?!" then I replied that I should have and his response is that he was only joking around and how I need to take a joke. I had told him numerous times to stop and he flat out refused to and only wiggled more. Rita reached for his hand, still laughing and said how "silly' he was and how that's one thing she likes about him. I sat closer to Wes and was going to stay until I hear him address Buddy (my dog) and say "Hey Buddy, tell your mommy she needs to grow a sense of humor"; with that, I grabbed Buddy's leash, my purse and started to leave when he shouts out "Did I OFFEND you?!", I screamed back at him and slammed the door behind us.
I've told Rita that I don't feel comfortable with him around, especially while he's drinking; she tried to assure me that he'd never do anything to me but said she'd talk to him. I moved to another town and made it abundantly clear that I do not want anything to do with him. I will be civil for her benefit but he gives me the creeps and is incredibly inappropriate with everyone - his daughter has lost friends because of his actions before.
Rita came down a couple weeks ago and took Clint to her friends place then we went out for mother's day; she asked if I would mind if she picked him up to cut time off her trip home - I understood and said sure. TLDR, he forced his way into my new home after I said I was not inviting them both inside and she was informed that he is NOT welcome here.
Rita recently went to a friends, had a few drinks and drove home, I was incredibly worried and told her so, to which she responded aggressively saying that she isn't stupid.
She sent numerous aggressive voice messages on Facebook, I decided to stop responding then Clint texted me, strongly suggested that I reach out to her because she's upset. I responded by saying 'Friends don't let friends drink and drive' and ignored him too. His unread response was that "she only had 2, if she drank more, trust me, I would have cabbed it." The math wasn't mathing, she said that they stayed there for 3 hours; I had called 2 hours after they got home and she was smashed, she definitely had more than what they let on and I do not trust him or his judgement because he lost his license because of a DUI. The morning I went No Contact she sent me messages assuring me that she was fine and that she wouldn't drink and drive; I refrained from responding.
Three days of no contact , I call her and we are civilized but both on edge, our conversation was very brief but I wanted to reach out - she is my mother after all and I would ideally like to have a relationship with her.
I messaged Rita and told her I need to go No Contact for 30 days to work things out professionally and mentally. She facetimed me 3 times, called twice, messaged me on FB and left voice messages on both my answering machine and Facebook. Comments ranging from "No contact from me or everyone?", "I'm really worried about you" and "please call me back". I responded and said "This is not about you, this is about me, please respect my wishes".
Am I the asshole for not telling her exactly why, being upset that she's going to my inner circle to try and find out what's going on and not being able to let go of her past and current short comings?
I'm on a waitlist for a therapist because I would like to build a better relationship with her and let the resentment go. I don't expect her to change but I need resources and need to learn how to set effective boundaries to act as stepping stones for future healthier conversations and interactions and hope that this break will help release the tension.

Let's say the teleportation was invented, now you can order from an food related establishment overseas and deliver it to your own doorstep back in your country of residence through means of teleporting from one place to another despite being in the opposite side of the globe, but you will have to take account on time zones, it may be the morning where you are getting the delivery from but last night in the client's location, for instance.
I mean, what would it be like if you are able to order Japanese food from Japan then get it delivered to your doorstep in the West, the same to apply to [country] x [country] but how would that shape people's food preferences if they were able to order from establishments overseas that do not have a direct counterpart in where they live?
As of currently, you can only order from establishments within the proximity of your area of residence. The same can apply if we're able to teleport as a form of travel rather than boarding a plane, what would happen if teleportation was accessible the same way people own cars?

I’ve been in a same-sex relationship for quite sometime. had 3 exes including the most recent and probably the most manipulative and traumatic I ever had and the last that I’ll allow.
I had a solo trip to Taiwan last November 2023 to clear my headspace and with hopes of moving on from my 2nd ex-boyfriend. I’ve been to places but that was the first time I’ve traveled alone. I rode the Cable car from Taipei zoo to Mao Kong Gandola, that’s roughly 30mins. I was joined by this cute couple (both male). I’m assuming here but they seem like from different country. I can’t hold my thought so I initiated talking to them (they strike to me as very shy). I uttered “You two look cute together”. The Caucasian looking man answered “Yeah! Thank you, I appreciate you telling us that” and we began conversing and even shared the best Night Market to try something out. We parted ways at the end of station. When it’s time to head back, I got lucky and had the cable car all by myself. That trip was a moment. My hopeless Romantic Self just kinda hit, I plead and prayed to God to accord me my partner for life and never will I take him for granted, I’ll nurture our relationship bla! Bla! Bla! Among other words of petitions.
Fast forward, Feb 1, 2024 Someone message me asking my whereabout. I stalked him and he’s nowhere near my province-Batanes (Philippines). Based on his profile, He’s currently working in Makati. So Nah! I don’t thrive in long distance relationships. A rock-hard pass for me. The next day, he messaged me and ask if I can join him to a local bar. To my surprise, he’s working here in my province since September 2023 and told me that he hasn’t updated his bio then. So yeah. Game on! let’s hit it. Thanks, Cupid! Let’s give it a try. We had good time together, met his friends and got their approval. I want to assume that they kinda like me for him. We’re on the same page (atleast that’s what I believed). Its that “rainbows, butterflies and compromise” from the song. I’m loving this feeling. I found myself believing in love again. We went out publicly, we enjoyed our shared interests- beach and snorkeling. Late bednight talks, honest intellectual discourse, movie night, and hitting off the convenience store for ‘Samyang’ noodles. One casual visit at the convenience store, I saw this familiar guy at the cashier. With face mask on, I’m thinking I’ve seen this somewhere else. And yes. It registered, He’s the reason why I’m single before meeting the person I’m with now. This b*tch stole my then boyfriend from me. Anyway, I don’t want to make a buzz about it but I’ve told my boyfriend the whole story and asked him if by any chance that guy messaged him. He said No and firmly assured me that he’s way out of his league. We sometimes go home at 1am. We just can’t stop talking about anything and everything-the things we did for love. Some find it silly but it feeds my soul being with him, it hits differently with your special someone. I’ll do it over and over again.
The butterflies are still there but the time I dread eventually happened. We’re separating for 10 days. He’s going to wedding of his cousin in Manila and I’m part of an entourage for a wedding in a nearby island (I got there by airplane). The ship we’re in began to shake us but our love is stronger than ever. Communication and trust were the foundation of our relationship. We constantly video call and I’ve never felt a sense of insecurity all throughout his vacation in Manila, Elyu and Baguio. He has my full trust and we talked about it. The days have passed and vacation was over. He returned in Batanes on Friday (wedding day that I attended) and I’m still on the other island and will head back to Batanes on Saturday. I was sad that I can’t pick him up at the airport. Good enough that he has friends who can do that on my behalf.
Friday, the day he returned to Batanes was a fine sunny day. He landed safely at 8am and he called me saying he’s gonna sleep. The wedding ceremony ended at 10:30am and for some strange.. very bothering and strange reason. I felt a chill down my spine and felt the need to call him. Idk what went on to my head but there’s this voice telling me that “Call him! Call him right now!” There this itch that needs scratching and this will only be satisfied by calling him. So I did. I called him 3 times before He answered. Strangely, He’s at the Rest room sitting in the toilet with no clothes at all. I overthink and confronted him immediately “Who’s with you? I know you have someone in there”. Ofcourse why would he reveal if there’s any. He just gaslit me and said I’m just over reacting. It doesn’t make sense. He already had his shower before dozing off at 8am, why would he take a shower 2 hours later? I mean. It doesn’t add up. He ended the call and take his clothes on and started calling me. He swiped the whole place with his phone camera reassuring me that no one was there. The heck! Ofcourse if there was someone in there, he/she probably stormed out the moment I called or atleast when he/she had the chance. Anyway, He just wanted me to go back there. I didn’t enjoyed the wedding I attended because I was preoccupied by my thoughts. I even called the airline if there’s an available flight that moment so I can rush my way back. That afternoon, I strolled and made a video recording saying “if you’re watching this, we’re probably on our first anniversary. Today is April 12, 2024 at 6:14 pm I’m at ****** We’re being challenged now and I refuse to give up on you…..” I was suppose to let him watch that video on our 1st anniversary. Sweet huh?!
Saturday, after we landed in Basco I dropped my things to our house. Took a shower and before I went to his boarding house I pass by first to the Cathedral to pray and asked for guidance then I head to his place. I gave him a bouquet of flower and we talked about it. He said he wanted to break up coz’ he’ll eventually move to other place and he knew that I don’t thrive in LDR. I refuse and I just told him we’ll make it through and we’ll cross the bridge when we get there. So yeah! We’re back on the game.
He decided to move to different apartment and someone recommended this place, we repainted it and get it all fixed. We build our dreams, we talked about how he’ll cook for me and pick me up after my shift. We’re dreaming and building our own future and even talked about going to Japan. He bought a cat adding up to the whole romantic setting. I can’t believe we’re a furdaddies.
The truth unravels
One afternoon after I pick him up from his workplace, we checked his apartment (he hasn’t move in yet). We saw the guy who once worked in the convenience store (cashier) on our way to the apartment. Strangely he smiled at my boyfriend and what’s more strange is that my boyfriend smiled back as if they knew each other. So I parked the motorcycle and we went upstair. I can’t just disregard what I just witnessed. I asked him as calm as possible if he knew that guy. He said he met him when he once hit the gym. I immediately sensed a lie here. I told him “Actually, if you quite remember we saw that guy when we are dating and you told me that you haven’t met him and you haven’t went to the gym since then or atleast while we’re together”. I never imagined myself asking him his phone but I did. He unlocked it for me and immediate searched his name on his fb messenger but no messages. I checked his instagram and Voila! It’s a floodgate of cheating messages. The worst part was that the funny and ‘kilig’ videos he sent me were also sent to that guy. Oh! And I thought I was damn special. The story doesn’t end there. Brace yourself. There’s someone who pick him up when he arrived at the airport and it wasn’t one of his tight-knitted friends. Guess who’s the guy? And yes! He’s actually at his boarding house when I “overreact”while I’m at a wedding and yes! They had sex on the same bed we slept in. The final nail to the coffin? They did it twice and I highly doubt that. They probably did it a couple of times but it doesn’t matter. I’m let karma take its toll.
I’m feeling the pain and I hope I self-soothe and bounce back from it. I confused my overthinking with my gut-feeling.

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this, so please let me know if there's a better sub for this, but I wanted to ask for multiple different opinions on this because I've been so confused about it. I might still be in denial? Hold on tight, this one is a doozy. And I'll probably delete it after a couple days or so.
So I was in an online relationship with this man for a couple years until we met in person in 2016, then married in 2019. I'm counting all 7 years as the whole relationship, but we were only married for 1. Some background information about him is he was abused as a kid. By his dad physically, and by his neighbor (SA). Now he was also in an accident involving a semitruck, which ruptured a couple disks in his back I believe? And this is why he told me he smoked marijuana. For his back, for medical reasons. I was ok with that. It was whatever. None of this seemed to truly bother him, so he seemed pretty easy going.
Fast forward to the marriage. (For informational purposes related to the story, I'm christian and don't believe in living with a man before marriage so I was unaware of a lot.) About 3 months in, he stops doing the marijuana and things go downhill fast. He only stopped because he knew I never really liked him smoking, but again, I was fine with it because his was for medical reasons. I told him this. He didn't want to smoke it again. Okay.
He starts taking up drinking instead to dowse the pain (he never went to the doctor for it and refused), but then some other issues started rising. He told me he wasn't drinking much, but I'd find empty bottles of alcohol stuffed into the couch, under the bed, behind the dresser, etc. It just didn't add up to the amount of times I saw him drinking. I told him we couldn't afford his alcohol, he kept buying it anyway.
Another point: I was the only one working and paying bills majority of the time. He couldn't hold a job and stayed home doing nothing I guess. No cleaning, no anything. I didn't know it was going to be like this before we got married. He seemed like he knew his priorities with saving money and getting bills paid and keeping things organized. That's what he told me anyway. But everything was always a mess when I got home and I was the only one making sure anything got paid.
Anyways, he also said he started seeing this... demon figure? Or something. In our apartment. It bothered him and freaked him out. I never saw it, but he'd sometimes see it in the closet or going from room to room or in the corner, and he even told me its name was Seth. One time we were arguing and he yelled out BEHIND me to "SHUT UP." And... to clarify... he made sure I knew he wasn't talking to me, but the thing behind me. There was no thing behind me. It was just us. So that periodically was happening through this entire ordeal.
Now when he started drinking, he started having these "episodes." They happened maybe once a week, once every other week? He seemed to get really frustrated about his past or something related to it, and he'd get so angry. So angry that he'd start punching things like the wall. And during these episodes he seemed like a completely different person. I NEVER saw anything close to this side of him before marrying him. Nobody warned me of this. None of his family. I didn't know what was going on. I'm not even sure if his family knows??? He just went on a rampage. I just tried my best to console him quietly for the longest time until he seemed somewhat normal again. Then he was ok in the morning again. These episodes only seemed to happen at night. Over the course of the next few months, these episodes only got more frequent to the point where they were happening pretty much every night (I think the alcohol just helps trigger it along) and more aggressive. I stayed around each time to try and calm him down, but it never really worked. So I just ended up losing sleep over it in the long run.
I mentioned several times that we/he should see a therapist or counseling or something, but he refused. He told me he was fine and that all he needed was me. He didn't believe in therapy... which sucked for me because he needed it majorly.
During these months while he was jobless, he'd find some way to fracture his fingers, whether it be punching a wall, or just... hitting something? Idk. I legit can't count how many times he had to put his fingers in splints. Idk if he was accident prone, or if he REALLY wanted to get out of finding a job, liked being the victim and getting me to feel sorry for him (which I did a LOT), or all of the above. He needed babying a lot, let me just say. When I said he needed a job to help me with the bills, he wanted me to come with him to this temp ageny place I went to to get a job, so I agreed. But every time I came home from work and asked to go, he said "tomorrow," or "next week." Always coming up with excuses of not feeling good or he fractured another finger, or something. Idk.
(Warning, sexual topic here) Another thing was happening during these months as well. During my sleep, he'd finger me in my sleep (and then proceed to try to put himself in me). At like 1am, when I had to get up at 4:30am to go to work and needed sleep (keep in mind, all his nightly episodes were ALSO happening still, so 1am is probably not too long after I ACTUALLY went to sleep. He kept me up a lot). I told him no several times but he wouldn't stop. This happened multiple times. I was exhausted. His excuse? "You were wet." Yes, because my body naturally reacted to stimulation. It took maybe 5-10 minutes or so until he gave up.
(More sexual topic) Whenever we DID have sex was fine. But obviously there were times where he wanted it and I didn't, and when I did and he didn't. The issue came when he wanted it and I didn't. If I said no, I had to say no several times. And eventually he'd stop. Everything. Stop cuddling, stop talking, stop everything, turn his back to me and just... lay there silently. The cold shoulder. Idk what else to call this but it seriously hurt. I didn't treat him that way. If he didn't want to, I'd accept it and stay cuddling. Over time this really messed with my thinking on whether or not he really loved me or just wanted to use me as a live in sex doll.
I made all the excuses in the book for his actions. His past abuse for one. I guess I felt like he needed me? Or I couldn't leave him? Idk.
There was one night where I stayed up for 5 hours straight, from 10pm to 3am, trying to stop him from punching holes in the walls. I stayed up trying to help him so often, it wore me out to the point where sex was off the table completely for aboouutt the last 4 months of our marriage I believe. I was drained mentally and physically. Frankly I was losing my emotional attachment to him. Then he started claiming I was cheating, because I didn't want sex with him, so I had to be "getting it from somewhere." Lol I went to work and came home. What cheating?
Also, suicidal thoughts. He had those too. He'd say things like "I don't deserve you. I'm better off not here. You deserve so much more. I'm a failure." frequently. I reassured him every time. Eventually I got tired of this too.
Towards the end I was speaking seriously with him. I bluntly told him things would need to change and he'd need a therapist or I'd be divorcing him. And I wouldn't throw that word around if I didn't mean it. I was on my last straw because I couldn't help him and he was dragging me down into depression avenue too and making me lose tons of sleep on top of everything. He didn't take my words seriously.
The last night that made me leave was the worst. Now, it started off with me going to bed because I had work in the morning. He wanted sex again. Surprise surprise. I said no, I need to sleep. He went quiet for a minute. My anxiety went up because I felt like something was going to happen, and sure enough....... he suddenly pops off the bed and says he can destroy his Pokémon cards to prove his love. What kind of insanity is that?
Firstly, this is the 3rd time he'd attempt to destroy his cards. Secondly, I knew how much they meant to him so I stopped him from doing that both times before. Thirdly, haha these were original Pocket Monster backed cards. Yay. Fourth... I didn't give a crap anymore and let him destroy them. He took them out of the closet and to the bathtub. He just submerged them all in water. I finally got out of bed and went "here we go again..." and went to go watch him so he wouldn't hurt himself. Idk. I couldn't stop him. I was dead tired.
After he successfully ruined all the cards, it's like a switch flipped and he was suddenly yelling "what did I do?!?!" Over and over again. He was in the tub with the cards and was throwing the cards up in the air. He was angry with himself.
This was around 12am. He decides to throw the cards in a trash bag and take them out to the dump at the front of the complex... now. Like he couldn't wait. (I also want to mention I hated when he stayed up later than I did because he always forgot to lock the doors even if I reminded him, so I always felt like I had to stay up. I woke up one morning with our porch door just... open. Not even closed. I couldn't trust it after that.) He also mentioned offing himself again, and then stuffed one of our glocks in his pocket while taking the bag (yes, stupid to have guns in this situation, I know). He claimed it was for protection while he went to the trash. While I believed that, I wasn't going to chance anything, so I managed to get the gun from his pocket and unload it. Then I quickly stashed it next to mine on my side of the bed.
Obviously he wanted to get it back, so I was wrestling him the whole way. Managed to keep him from it, so he got angry and punched the wall behind me, causing his knuckles to bleed. (This triggered me because by this point, I already cleaned up his blood numerous times before. Walls and my shirt because he flung his hand and it sprayed both) So I start crying and asking to take him to the bathroom to clean him up so I don't have to clean up anything else. I was tired, I wanted to go to bed and sleep so I could just get up for work. He refused, but I managed to push him there. Where... he proceeded to fling his hand and the blood splattered across the bathroom wall instead. sigh
This is when we hear a knock at the door and "POLICE." The neighbors called in domestic violence on us because we were so loud. I never had any run ins with police, so I got scared to open the door, but he opened it. I stood beside him. I had blood on my shirt from him pushing me aside and he had blood on him obviously. It didn't look good.
The police asked if they could come in and it was like another switch flipped in my ex's head (because he never acted like this around anybody else but me) so he started acting almost normal again instead of whatever his hysteria was. He told them it was completely fine and they didn't have to come in. But in that moment, my ex scared me so bad by that one flip of his personality that I told the police to come in. I was just glad to be able to speak to someone sane.
When they questioned us, they quickly realized I was the only one capable of answering their questions coherently and spoke with us separately. Eventually it ended with them waiting for me to gather my things and walking me out to my car so I could drive to my parent's house. Meanwhile my ex legit told the police "it's your fault we're separating." And I just told him that it wasn't, and walked out.
He later claims the police had to hold him back from going after me but I never saw this and don't know how true it is after his lies. He lied about his bills to me over the phone when we were still online dating. He also held back information about "almost sleeping with a random woman" when we were online dating. They "got naked" and "didn't do anything" and claims he didn't know we were dating at the time, but still felt guilty about it and told me about it after we got married?? Idk. And I still forgave him on the spot. Maybe that stuff doesn't matter so much, but still. Yes, I got tested. Clear.
I never went back. I was too scared. I still don't know what to make of it to this day because a lot of things were nonsense (a lot of craziness still left out, but this was the main stuff). I realize his past may play a major part of this, but I still feel messed up from it. (Yes I probably need to go to a therapist myself, but I've also doing forms of positive self therapy exercises as well for the time being until I can actually go. I'm MUCH happier now, don't worry.)
What are your opinions on this, if you actually made it this far? I'm just struggling to call it abuse maybe because he was abused himself? Or was this even abuse? What are your outside perspectives on it?
Tl;dr: Abused ex husband becomes enraged at night, punching holes in walls, causing me to lose sleep and sanity.

There's a guy (24M) I (23F) was dating for 1,5 months. He's going away on a trip in a few days for about 3 weeks long period. I tried to meet up with him several times before him leaving and he was always very busy. We finally found a time that suits us both and we met up a few days ago. Everything was fine, we cuddled as usually and he clearly wanted to spend time with me. Then at some point he just said he's very tired and expressed it very clearly. I was okay with that because he had a lot going on. I had wanted to talk to him about some things, as I felt I was the only one putting effort into meeting up and keeping the conversation (texting) going in between the "dates". I also wanted to find out how does he see this "thing" we have and how does he feel about it. He insisted on me giving very concrete answers (he knows very well I'm into him), but when I think back at this conversation, he didn't give any clear answers himself. For example, when I asked him, could this become sth more serious, he replied, I don't know, and he didn't say anything about his feelings. I don't expect him to know right now how he feels about me, but he didn't even manage to say if he could see sth more serious with me in the future (I think he should have at least an idea about his feelings after dating for almost 2 months).
I wouldn't have brought up this conversation if he hadn't gone on a trip but I feel that after he comes back in three weeks, the communication between us will have already died. I also sent him a very concrete message saying that I feel it's not going the way it should, I'm putting too much effort into trying to make it work and I'd like to get an idea of his perspective on this "thing" we have. He hasn't replied for a day.
I'd love to hear your opinion on this. Thanks in advance!

My partner and I have been dating for 10 months and I would say we aren't the most compatible couple.
We struggle to understand each other emotionally when we get into fights but overtime I have noticed that he has changed a lot and goes out of his way to be there for me, especially now that my OCD has spiked up. In the past we used to argue a lot because it was long distance and I didn't feel emotionally secure in the relationship so I would always question what he is doing, where he is at etc. Now that we live together, we do fight sometimes but we solve it together and overall we're a lot happier and at peace.
However, my feelings keep going up and down like a rollercoster. Some days are good and I feel genuinely happy being with him and other days I am just in a constant state of anxiety. Just seeing him or hugging him makes me feel anxious, even if there is no apparent thought anymore.
I keep thinking that I could be with anyone right now and there is nothing particular special about him. Yet, I am still in this relationship and I don't why. The relationship is making me feel uncomfortable even though he has done nothing to make me feel that and I keep unconsciously checking how I feel when I'm with him and if I am happy or not.
These thoughts make me feel really anxious and because they seem so logical, I have no idea if it's my ROCD making me feel like I should break up with him because of that or not.
I read somewhere, that ROCD generally stems from something that is unlikely to happen and your mind starts worrying about it. So I am really not sure about my case ..
Would really appreciate some advice