My ex (27M) and I (23F) have had a very toxic on and off friends with benefits thing that has been going on for 4 years. We officially dated for 2 months last year but he went overseas and cheated on me and I broke up with him. When he came back in Feb we started seeing each other again.
I've told him that I am not interested in a fwb situation, I want a relationship and only want to continue having sex if we're going to officially date and him commit to me because I obviously liked him and couldn't handle the uncertainty of being used anymore. He said he doesn't want this. Despite setting this boundary, he has continued to initiate sex with me and coerce me into doing sexual stuff after me saying no countless times - which is practically sexual assault. Along with this he's been going out at night with countless other girls, watching movies with them in his bed and posting pictures of their 'dates' on his instagram story to show off to his friends that he has 5+ girls around him at any given time. He never posted me (he claims this is my fault because I've told my friends what he has done to me in the past).
He invited me as a plus 1 to his housemate's bday party last night and his housemate and all his friends are polyamorous. They asked him if he was also polyamorous too and he said he was open to it? in front of me? He later said he only meant open minded to the idea of other people being poly but I think he was just trying to cover up what he said. His female housemate was also there and he put her lip gloss on? also in front of me which I thought was a bit inappropriate.
After being called a child for being mad about the above two things - we went to a light show tunnel and half way through he disappeared with this female housemate to take pictures, she was taking pics of him, he was taking pics of her and I was standing there alone awkwardly on the side as I knew no one else at the party. This went on for about 5-10 minutes so I just walked up and when he finally did acknowledge my existence again I told him to f off and kind of blew up at him. I had a few drinks so I think I wasn't as good at concealing my true feelings as I usually am and on top of everything else that's been happening I think I just snapped. I went home alone and sent him texts calling him a lot of names. I'm usually pretty composed when I tell him why I'm upset but not this time and I finally got the courage to block his number.
Do you think I overreacted/made a bigger deal of it like he said I did? If it was with a guy who hadn't cheated and didn't have the history we had I don't think I would have freaked out but on top of everything else I just lost it. How can I build back my trust in men so I'm not paranoid that they're all going to cheat on me and use me for sex?
TLDR: I finally snapped at my (23F) narc ex (27M) whilst drunk and ended things in a dramatic blow up. Did I overreact? How do I trust men again?

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This is my first post so I'm sorry if it's way to long but I needed to get this out.
Trigger warnings: sa, suicidal ideation, physical abuse (kinda), neglect, stalking,
(These topics are mentioned but not explored deeply)
I (m19) have been losing everything it seems since I was 11 I think.
Off the bat I have autism, ADHD, a learning disability, and a bad family dynamic I think (this is apart of it), due to this and growing up in a town that's not very open minded I quickly became suicide. When I started therapy in middle school I would score as severely depressed every 2 weeks when the test was done. Along with talking to councilors, therapists, resurch and how life has been going I think I might have developed BPD and Narcissism.
Right before middle school I met S, they where my best friend and first "love". The day I met S I feel hard, and over the next 7 years my feelings would deepen. Our relationship dynamic was very toxic, we'd yell and scream at each other then the next day say we loved each other but if I didn't want to be there friend they wouldn't care and they'd echo this sintament in a million different ways that would userally come at the end of our fights. S would say things like "if I'm so mean then why are you still friends with me" or "that's a you problem" when I'd bring up a way they would make me feel, once they said "no wonder your dad doesn't love you" (this was years ago so I'm not sure if that's exactly what they said but the last 4 words where still in there) just to give you an idea of the kinda things they'd say.
On the other side, I would constantly make my personal episodes there problem, call them a bad person, accuse them of intentionally hurting me, I'd be extremely controlling of there relationships and just controlling in general. I'd also ask them to berate me, and call me any terrible thing they could think of, like a good friend they only did this a few times at first but then stopped. All this would be going on while I act like the guy best friend with feelings, I'd confess to them on avrage once a year in bigger and grander ways.
Other then S, there have been a lot of other unwell people I'd have to deal with. The actual scary ones where a couple rapists and one person who'd brag about sending there boyfriends on suicide watch. The rest where all either bullies or "crazy" people, either way I didn't care much, I was just happy I could live out a heros fantasy. Even though on paper I was a good guy, I only did it to feed my ego and feel secure. So even though I was hurting people who where hurting others it could have very easily been the other way around and a few times it was. I would stalk people in school, I'm not proud of it but it happened, ive also struggled with homosidle tendencies. One more thing, I was sa'd twice my freshman year which the school did nothing about, you could probably imagine how I feel.
My home life wasn't much better in my opinion, my autism crated a huge divide between my family and by existence everyone else. Out of my whole family I'm the most severe and most of us have autism (this is all my opinion) my mom has taken tests and is open to the idea but my brother (m20) doesn't see what I do, It would also make since for my dad but I don't know. This is important because my needs and acomedations are seen as to much for my family, and then when I went out into the world I didn't understand the social difference between my autistic family and the rest of the world. Whatever I learn out here is hard to communicate to my family and what I learn from my family isn't the best out here.
More specificly my brother would beat me up not super often but often enough for it to be a thing I was scared of for a long time. to be fair I did use to bite him when we where little which is what he mentioned when I brought up the times he'd beat me up, he also denied doing this to the extent I mentioned and said "all brothers fight". He has been teaching me about emotional intelligence recently because of my issus with being very defensive, this was after he stopped beating me up for a while so I think he's changed. But he still says things like "why do you look like that" or "you smell" as a joke, I've asked him to stop but he's never stopped. He also makes jokes about sexualizing animals, children, and even made incest jokes just because I have a funny reaction. I've told him to stop because it makes me uncomfortable but after high school I gave up, he hasn't made these jokes in a while and thankfully the ones about kids are ferthar in the past then the others. When he didn't stop I told him I would tell my friends that he made these jokes and he said that he wouldn't care.
Other then him, my mom recently called me to yell at me about the traffic being bad, the phone called ended with me throwing my headphones and yelling about killing myself in a school building. To be brief.
My dad was just super neglectful, nights I'd go hungry, he cooked only 2 times for me and my brother. Once I had to take him to the bathroom because he was to drunk to know he wasn't in the bathroom. This should be enough.
In modern day.
I'm in college for acting and writing, I haven't lived with my dad for years and he recently took out a EBT card under my name. I got in a car crash a year ago, in the same week I got it, my mom yells at me to drive and yells at me to not drive without insurance, she yells at me for not being prepared wile packing my bags for college for me wile not letting me do it on my own. My mom offers help but then complains about everyone catering to me and yells at me about every single unplanned step. My brother is trying to help me but he doesn't except that I'm disabled or that the issues I bring to him are as bad as I say they are, he buys me fast food almost everyday I'm home though. All the other freshman in my college ghosted me at once after the car crash (for real, I get back from the crash, everyone's int he commons, one person asked if I was okay, the other people from the crash show up and everyone flocks to them and I still don't understand why), this caused rummers about me to be created and at the end of the year it got so bad that a group calls me a pedophile. Even though all the shit I've had to deal with just at school I found someone, F. F is super caring and kind because they really do care. Simply put, niceness is transactional, your nice to someone you expect them to be nice back. F just gives all away and expects nothing in return, they've been helping me with my family and school issues along with the mental shit and their just all around a good person.
Even though things are better and I have someone I like, I feel miserable. Everyday it gets harder and harder to keep myself from letting go and do fucked up things to people just because I see something I like or that I'm intereged in, I have a need to feel power and to know everything I can out of insecurities which I've mentioned in this post. I also wanna break up with F but because I know I will hurt them like everyone else in my life, and I'm not sure if I'm with then for them because there the only person who supports or if it's all the free weed. And like the Annabelle movies, my obsession over S isn't and probably won't ever go away as it gets stronger and more annoying.
So after all this I don't know if I should keep fighting until I can't anymore which feels soon, or finally kill my self which I don't think is likely but if not me then I'm scared of who it could be one day. I will continue to try and work though this anyway unless I make a decision, then I'll try to make an update.
Also please let me know if this is violating the Staying on topic rule.
Thank you.

I have a college friend who I have been together for three years. I don't know if I would like to label each other best friends but we stick together to survive college. I will skip to the part where I feel something has changed. She started drifting away and found another group of friends. They are bold, outgoing, and fun to be with. At first, I was comfortable around them and it seemed she was enjoying their company. I was included in the group but something doesn't feel right. I feel so stupid for not seeing these signs. I should have left and never stuck around with them. I only stayed because my friend let's call her "Candace" (not her real name) was there.
I noticed that when I join their conversations they always cut me off. I feel invisible and I feel silenced. Candace just laughed and enjoyed their company meanwhile I'm feeling left out. They talk about things I don't even relate to and also topics I'm not comfortable with like topics about sexuality and relationships. They make sex jokes, talk about how many times they go to clubs, and stuff like that. There is nothing wrong with how they like to engage in those topics, I just don't like the fact that whenever I try to jam or even converse with them they always cut me off.
Candace loves their company and I don't even know if she even wants me with her new friends. She keeps clinging with the girl who keeps making jokes which btw is not funny for me atleast. I will not talk about this person who she clings because Im not in good terms with her. She has this intimidating vibe and she always take lead on all of the conversations. So all I can say she is super talkative.
When they take selfies and do tiktok dances its only them. Their stories in their socials its just them being happy going out together without me. They don't even ask me out and this make me question myself am I considered as their friend? It made me insecure and my anxiety of being alone clouded my thoughts. After the realization of these signs *there were far more signs that I noticed but I won't mention them for privacy reasons* here I am questioning myself am I ready to let go and move on? I have the fear when I graduate I don't have any friends and I'm all alone. I might even hold a grudge to myself why did I fail to take action and just watched myself suffer from betrayal.
If you read this can you recommend or advice me what to do? I don't have any friend to talk to about my situation rn sadly...

Hey, my girlfriend and I are looking for another couple to befriend. We want to become a little 4 person friend group and play games together, watch movies, hit each other in the face, whatever else we decide on honestly, all of it would be fun. Except maybe that last thing.
We want to become good long term friends and hang out semi-regularly. How often would depend on our wild schedules. So instead let's plan hangouts out individually each time, down to the day and time. We try our hardest to honor all of the plans we make and will almost never cancel, and if we do, we'll reschedule and tell you what happened.
As for the gamer part of "gamerpals", we're mostly interested in playing co-op games and we only play on PC, though my girlfriend does have a switch that she plays on sometimes (not as often anymore because she's busy with life sadly). We have: lethal company, don't starve together, risk of rain 2, deep rock galactic, terraria, plateup, bloons td6, satisfactory, tabletop simulator, ultimate chicken horse, various web games, etc. We're always open to trying out new games, though we probably won't get them until they're on sale. Sorry, money does grow on trees but only in a very abstract sense.
We're both chill people, mildly autistic (i apologize if either of us accidentally says anything that upsets you, please bring it up if it happens), introverted at first but as we warm up to you we'll become more extroverted. Does that even make sense? Or would that just make us ambiverts?
Anyway, hope to hear from you. If I didn't respond to you in the past, then I have no clue why honestly, my memory is so bad that I barely remember what I did yesterday let alone what I did weeks or months ago.

I know Reddit leans left, but meeting new people as an adult is pretty darn hard. So, here we are.
I like Guild Wars 2, Terraria, and a handful of single player games. But I don't play much anymore, like many adults. My reason isn't necessarily having too much going on in life; it's more that I'm worried about wasting time.
I like anime (normally shorter series, or higher quality older anime, like Evangelion or Cowboy Bebop), but for the same reason, I don't watch much anymore.
I missed out on a lot in my 20s as a result of being depressed. So I'm looking for people I can talk about self improvement with, as well as more fun things, like gaming and anime. Supposedly western society is experiencing a bit of a loneliness epidemic, but I don't see many people talking about that. So, just me, maybe?
I have a huge collection of books, both fiction and nonfiction. Most of it's history and classic literature l, because I'm a snob. I'm also interested in city planning & architecture, mainly because I've started to notice how ugly The States & Canada are.. and how sprawling suburbia has lead to the destruction of community and the avenues people normally would've had available to them, to meet other people. Atm I'm reading Robert Putnam - Bowling Alone.
It'd also be nice to share music. Youtube and Spotify don't really recommend much these days. I like video game music, the BeeJees, Nickel Creek, Firstly Aid Kit...
Is anyone else just kind of.. not happy with where they're at, skill and job-wise.. and lonely on top of that?
You can DM me if you want to say hi.

Ok I will say it rn but I loved watch dogs 2 because I really like the story to it and stuff like watch dogs legion doesn’t have the same amount of coolness like ohhh yeah cool yoh can change into different people in London but I think that watch dogs 2 was perfect the story, Marcus, (I loved wrench so god DANM much dude)

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you. Despite everything, I do. So much.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Reminiscing on the early days of our relationship, when you gave me your number, when we hung out for a few hours when you got off work, you helping me put together a new bed frame, and our first official date to Olive Garden. I was so nervous about holding your hand.
I remember our first camping trip, only two days after our first date. Laying on our backs on that big rock, just staring up at the stars. Seeing Elon Musk’s satellites for the first time and thinking it was some sort of ufo thing haha.
Our first kiss that night. It was so awkward, I had to lean my head back in a weird angle but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. And the next day, we had planned to hike around but instead we just sat in the back of your 4Runner and cuddled and talked for hours.
Going to see Oppenheimer with your friends, the countless nights we got dinner together, the few times we actually cooked our dinner, getting our little Kurtis cat. I’ve been really thinking about the songs we used to make up about him, “Kurtis cat, Kurtis cat, Kurtis cat is so stinky and annoying”, it sounds so silly, it was, but I realized I haven’t done that in a very long time.
I remember going to see Godzilla: Minus One. I remember it made you cry, and you were so mad that it was better than Napoleon.
I remember in vivid detail the way you smile, the way you laugh, everything about you. Your freckles, all over your cheeks and nose and even all over your shoulders. The little red hairs you swore weren’t there in your stubble and hair. You didn’t want to be a red head, but you kinda were.
I remember the face you’d make when you really liked a song, how you’d furrow your brows, crinkle your nose, and nod. You’d look over at me and you’d say something like “Oh, yeah.”
The way you’d hold my hand while driving, and at red lights you’d kiss the back of my hand or sometimes even lean over to kiss me. I remember you always wanted to go to Scheel’s, or the one gun store that had a funny tag line in my town. We never did go. You wanted a picture in front of that, but I think recently they took that sign down.
I feel like I remember every single little detail about everything, about you and about us. Laying in my bed, sometimes yours, watching TikTok’s on my phone or just talking.
I wish I could hate you, for how you treated me in the end. I wish I could hate you for seeming to move on so fast. You’d always tell me that I was your soulmate, the love of your life. That you wanted to marry me, that you wouldn’t be able to cope without me. But you’re fine. You’re the one who ended things, and it seems like you’re happier. I guess I wouldn’t know, you’ve shut me out completely.
I hope you come back. Please come back. If somehow you see this, please come back. Don’t feel like you can’t, because you can. I still love you.

• AW

Pretty much what the title but the is the part where I introduce myself. My name is Cristian and I'm a pretty chill person. I am Mexican if you're curious. I pretty much get along with a lot of people and can chat about anything.
On a serious note I want to find someone special. What I'm looking for is someone that I can laugh with and enjoy life with. I'm fine with long distance relationships.
If you're curious I'm 5'10
Things I like to do: -I like to play video games (Valorant, Overwatch, Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Helldivers 2, Lethal Company, Apex Legends, FF7 Remake, Tales of Arise and many others) -Watch anime (Black Clover, Jujutsu Kaisen, Solo Leveling, Frieren, Bleach and many others) -Workout a little -Sleep (Who doesn't like to sleep) -I do enjoy chatting a lot
There are probably many other things that you enjoy that I enjoy also so it never hurts to ask.

This is a long post that should have a predecessor story before, so I apologize if it’s confusing but this is the issue I’m looking for advice on. This is also a throw away as I hope and pray no one recognizes the situation.
I (24f) have been with my “fiance”(24m) for almost 6yrs now. I won’t lie, we have had our fair amount of issues. I’m pretty insecure because he had cheated on me in the past, and I’ve had to get on him about virtually flirting with other females (we moved out of state and he feels pretty isolated and says he just wants attention). We have a 4yr child and I’m pregnant with our 2nd now, we’ve always talked about having kids, getting married, etc. when we lived in the state we met, everything seemed fine (besides the cheating) but after we moved he seemed to have turn into a whole new person.
Anyways, fast forward past all of our bumps, challenges, and good times - to 2 years ago. He proposed to me and I said yes, it was great. We were on a trip when this happened, and he started drinking a lot. I never saw him be an angry drunk, but he was drinking so much everyday and he began to get angry while drunk every night. He confided some very personal matters and feelings to me, and I empathized with him and comforted him. It brought us much closer and I never judged him. Later on, he would agree he felt much closer but then other times he would express that he regrets telling me. One of the things he mentioned during this time was wanting a 3rd partner in our relationship. A she-male he said exactly. This conversation was 2 years ago and I was drinking as well (not as drunk as him) but I don’t remember everything the best, but he knows I’m not really fond of that idea. I get jealous pretty easily, especially after what he did and certain things that he sometimes says (when he gets mad he’ll say he doesn’t want to be around me, calls me names/other mean things, says I don’t get sexy or try to be seductive). Mind you, we have a child who I take care of primarily and I get off work later than him. He goes to the gym after work or does whatever he wants like video games, tv, relax - while I do child care, cook or clean. He’ll help cook sometimes, but NEVER does dishes or laundry. He even said laundry is my responsibility (he tried to imply it’s because I’m a woman but without saying that), because he works on our vehicles (ONLY when there is an issue with them, and that’s maybe 1-2 times a year and I always help him in any way I can!) He’s the type that’s so lazy and constantly asking me to get up and get him stuff right after I sit down (I always do) but the few times I try to ask him to get something for me, it’s a problem or inconvenience. Anyways, when you don’t have a moment to sit down and breathe/relax for your own self until 9-9:30pm, after working a full time job & then family crap on your own basically, of course you’re gonna be tired and not feel like trying to be sexy for someone.
Sorry for the long side rant, back to the main issue.
He expressed wanting a 3rd, specifically, someone who is trans or a “she-male”. This was related to the information he confided into me, and like I said - I empathized with him because he’s been living with this secret for a long time. His family can be close minded with things like this. I personally, wouldn’t mind have a female-on-female type experience, but the situation he wants is not something that’s necessarily piquing my interest. I feel like I can probably get down in an experimentation, although the thought of another penis does not interest me, but nothing long term.
Anyways, he knew I wasn’t really feeling the permanent option he wanted, but I did say I would be okay with random 3somes but he said he didn’t want that. Fast forward 2 years to now and we haven’t really talked about it since other than random arguments when he brings it up.
I caught him talking to another girl on his phone and he suggested she come out to our city this summer. I caught him recently, like a few weeks ago but the messages took place about a month and a half earlier when we were both in our hometown, staying with his mom. We recently just found out I was pregnant again, and told his mom who was super happy.
Anyways, This was a female he was trying to see when he went back to our home state for a little while. We were going through a rough patch and he moved out but we remained in constant contact and were still communicating saying we missed each other. I thought we were actively working on stuff with some space but he says he left me. Anyways, he left his Apple Watch at our house so I read his messages with that girl while he was back home. Mind you, a week or so after he moved out - he tried to fuck a random girl from our hometown who is not even cute or worth it at all. He apologized for being a piece of shit and said he would cut contact with her when I called him out. He may have cried too but don’t remember, he’ll cry when he gets caught/called out sometimes.
Anyways, when I caught him talking to her again, after he had moved back in and everything seemed to be going better, he really didn’t have any excuse other than the missing who he used to be and craving attention and he was saying he just loves people, money and sex and brought up the wanting a 3rd partner. This time he brought it up like, it has to happen and he’s done “putting his feelings aside for everyone else”. Idk what he’s talking about other than suppressing these feelings because I do everything for him and bend over backwards and constantly put my emotions aside since his are so explosive and volatile. His family sees it too and feels bad, but never want to step in (they just talk to me afterwards and apologize and call me strong). He said he wants to do it with me, but if I can’t he’ll have to do it alone. I ask what he means, and if we would be broken up and he says he doesn’t want that or think it’s necessary, but he also expressed how it would basically be cheating to go out and do it without me.
Again, I tried to empathize, because he says he doesn’t know if he’s gay, bi, etc or what to call it, but he really wants a feminine she male and that he’s fine and open to whatever (penis, post penis-removal surgery, even naturally born female). I was supportive, while still expressing discomfort because I’ve always pictured our family to be just US TWO, until he said the post-surgery or natural vagina thing. To me, that is not exploring (a word he used) because he’s had sex with plenty of females and that would automatically make me feel like it’s a competition and I’m not enough. I get wanting to feel a penis since that I something I can’t provide, but 2 vaginas?? Am I crazy for being less understanding/supportive of that?
It’s not even the physical aspect or it being public that really bother me (they do slightly, but not as much as the emotional aspect) 1. I feel like I’ll look weak suddenly allowing a 3rd who is clearly there to sexually please my man more than me. 2. I’m worried he’l treat them better than me, we have pretty bad communication and he has severe anger issues. I cannot imagine him getting mad at the new person for asking questions, not hearing him, bringing a fork when he wanted a spoon, etc. before we moved out of state he never got mad at me. But after we moved he just acts like everything I do is targeted against him when in reality, I’m slowly killing myself to try and make this man happy.
He tried to reassure me and answer questions for how nice it would be. Me and him would work while they take care of the kids ( I don’t want my kids looking at this 3rd person as a parent or thinking a 3 way relationship is normal and standard. I also, don’t want to fucking work, and what makes him think they would want to take care of our kids?) He’s gotten mad at me for walking in on him before, I suggested he may get upset if I walk in on him and the new person doing it( I also expressed fear of him developing a preference and me feeling left out) he said I would just join if I wanted to. I then expressed fear of him getting closer to them on an emotional level, bc of our arguments he says he hates talking to me and stuff. I can barely get a word in normally because he’s yelling and says whatever I’m saying is stupid or doesn’t make sense. He then said we would all 3 talk about things tgether.
When I brought up how we should resolve our issues with each other before bringing a 3rd in, he seemed annoyed and said sure. When I pressed and tried to see if he agreed or how he really felt, he just said it seems like a personal problem (me feeling that way). This really upset me because it’s not a personal problem and I feel like all my concerns are valid. He apologized for feeling how he does because he knows it’s a shock to me and not what we planned to do when talking about building our lives together. Mind you, I’m 20 weeks pregnant with our 2nd kid as he tells me all this and basically it’s now. Or never, but not actually never because he will do it. He asked if I have a solution , but there is none. We did a 3some months ago but it was kinda weird and we never finished our talk about it. I am not the biggest fan seeing my partner fuck or lust over someone else. He was kinda upset I didn’t have a solution and when I asked if we need to split up he said I was giving him an ultimatum but I feel like he’s doing that to me. We are about to turn 25 and have 2 kids and all of this feels like it came out of nowhere, I know he will resent me if he cannot have this. He says he just wants to be his old self again (which is apparently flirty, promiscuous, and not monogamous). When he gets too drunk/high he literally flirts with other women in front of me and has even mentioned a 3some about a woman who just left the room to his friends in front of me. Then got mad when I got mad and made me feel like I was kink shaming him.
Edit: our sex live is overall pretty good, I’ve had sex with other men before him but he was the first and only man to make me “complete”. He is a little more experienced and adventurous than me, but I have tried and done everything he’s ever wanted to do in bedroom. I’m still shy sexually at times and there’s some things I’m not the biggest fan of or never suggest because it hurts and that upsets him sometimes , but I still always do whatever he wants when he asks unless I don’t feel good.
He has expressed anger and that our sex life is boring at times, and it can get repetitive and it can, but like I said - I AM SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED. But there are also plenty of times we’re it is AMAZING for both of us and we both just know each others bodies very well.
So AITA for not wanting a 3rd partner and for leaning towards us splitting up amicably so he can pursue this?
Edit: I was depressed and cried for days when he just brought this up again this last time. I’m very emotional with the pregnancy but I still feel like I’m losing my best friend and the love of my life. Despite our issues, I’ve always had hope we would get back on our connection level of getting along that we used to have. Obviously it would be ideal for me if he NEVER HAD these feelings and urges but I feel like an asshole if I’m not supportive since it was kind of a closeted issue.

We finally got some time to hang and chill after 29 days. She had her finals going on this whole month so we couldnt spend time with each other. We can use and go through each other's phone and we have no problems with it. I went to order food and came back saw her upset as my phone was in her hand.
She showed me my browser history and asked for an explanation. At the first thought of shame and panic(we have been going through some tough times, I was scared that this issue will add to more resentment) I lied to her on her face. I just said sorry. She let that go. We had our food, had coffee went to our own home. I was feeling bad for lying so I came clear to her through text.
I clarified that I lied. I did browse porn. I shouldn't have done it. She seemed to be okay with it and said it is okay but would need some time to be okay with it.
fast forward today morning. She sent me texts like "I feel unsafe with you" I want to fix this situation. I am guilty about. How do I make it okay again....
few key points: 1. No she doesn't watch porn in our relationship. She maid it clear. 2. We prefer our sexual feelings to be enjoyed with each other. Even when we are apart. 3. I have a bad habit of musterbating when I am stressed. It is not about porn itself. I just need a content to get myself off.

1. I feel bad for crossing boundaries

help me how can I solve this situation. Thank you
sorry for typo and bad grammars

Hi 27 looking to meet new people and hopefully make some friends while doing so i am hoping to improve my social skills and learn new things along the way.
Some of my hobbies are gaming, listening to music and watching anime and some sports.
At the moment my go to games have has been lol my most recent brought game is rise of ronin and dragon dogma 2 but i play many others as well
My favourite anime at the moment has been castlevania on netflix highly recommend checking it out i would also recommend final space as a cartoon i have watched tons of other anime and cartoons!
Hope to hear back from some people and have some interesting conversations.

Hey all hope you're having a great day :)
So like most people i'm missing that special person in my life and it would be really nice to find someone that i can relate to, be 100% honest and open with and generally find my best friend.
Hopefully this would start out as friendship and if we click then we click, open to anyone from anywhere :)
Some stuff about me/hobbies
Video games, this is my biggest hobby by far, i play have an pretty big library of games i play so if you game, there is a high chance we would share stuff we could play, a few games i play often, League(i question it too don't worry) soulsbourne games (unga bunga builds) fallout's, i mainly play pc but have a switch and ps4 too.
TV/Film, if not doing the above, you can find me binge watching shows or films, such as B99, the office HIMYM, GoT (we can discuss how shit the last season was forever), Star Wars, Marvel stuff, SAW.
Animals, i have 2 dogs (yes i'll show you lots of pictures) and in general i love animals so much, so i'll probably spam you with pictures of random animals i think are cute or funny :)
Music, i listen to a wide variety of stuff, from rock and metal to dance/pop some electro swing, rap and other stuff, in general if i like a song i'll listen to it on repeat till i hate it but still listen to it anyway.
I try and be witty and funny most the time, I have a stupid sense of humour but will try and make you laugh most of the time, I can be shy to start with but i open up pretty quickly when i get comfortable with you :)
Don't be shy and hit me up if you think we would get on :)

I just got my Oculus Quest 2 yesterday. Most of the VR videos I watched on YouTube have giants in them. People are very large, and I seem to be a tiny fly in the room.
Other videos (very few) are normal and pleasant to watch.
Can you tell me what's happening? Also, I'd appreciate it if you give me a website or something where I can watch good VR videos (not specific videos, I'd watch anything at this moment).
Finally, if you have good game titles for me, I'd appreciate it.

Successor : u/Typical-Foundation94
GUYS...I did it, it finally happened for me.This is going to be such a long post but I promise you it's worth it.
First of all thank you admins for deleting my post a few months ago, thank God I don't have it saved anywhere to see how pathetic I was probably.
Background:
I met this guy after a terrible break up from a long term relationship and he was everything I ever wanted. Actually, I know I manifested him to start with because I was imagining us together and I just "had a feeling" he was into me even when I was in the long term relationship (towards the end of it).
He was crazy about me just as I imagined. Until he wasn't. I started being all paranoid and insecure that him moving cities will be the end of us and no matter what he would tell me I just knew that we weren't going to last. I was heart broken when he actually told me he can't carry on and that maybe we can cross paths again in the future but he had too much in his life at the time (I don't want to go into detail but to be honest, if I was him, in those given circumstances, I would have said bye too, especially when my mind did this).
Anyway, the break up happened. I was literally devastated. Not because I loved him, I did have feelings for him, but we only dated for a few months. But because I wanted it to be him so badly. When we started dating, I told myself, he will be my husband, no matter what he is the one. So I stuck with that.
As embarrassed as I am to admit, I went all crazy into psychic readings and ended up in so much debt from taking on loans to get the most expensive readings. I would probably do 10-15 readings a day. Spells too, of course. We all know that level of desperation...it was bad. I cringe looking back at myself. I would do all possible spells and mantras I found on tiktok and scripting and everything. Nothing was working!!! I did that for 4 months. YUCKS, I KNOW. It drained me. However, I know for a fact he "would come back". I knew this from the moment he can't do this anymore. Because one thing about me, they ALL come back and I never lose, ever. I am stubborn as shit. So I knew I had to do anything to get this man. But again nothing was working..all the psychics telling me he'd be back by this date got it all wrong. I still had hope until I lost it all.
Around January-February I came across this community and I began reading it like desperate. I found Neville Goddard. I read it all. I started binge watching all the youtube videos, Sammy Ingram, Roxy, Joseph Alai, Missy Renee, Amanda from Create your Future. I watched it all!!! But that was all I was doing it I was watching it. I did not apply shit.
End of February I decide to get coaching with Sammy Ingram (really don't recommend it at all..huge waste of money and it was nothing like I expected it). She gave me a list of affirmations so I started affirming all day everyday. Somehow, things started moving a bit and I was gaining confidence. But it wasn't enough. I was saying those affirmations like I was trying to change something outside of me, it was all so so exhausting. 1st of April we meet face to face for the first time since the break up and I was so so confident I am on the right path. We met at work but he was lovely, I could see he kept trying to gain my attention and he was complimenting me. Then it stopped. I spiraled badly, I gave up sooooo many times but somehow still persisted. What was I doing wrong? why did all these people get their SP but I can't seem to get shit.
April was pretty bad - I kept pushing through though. Not a single day I stopped affirming and believing that although I feel like absolute crap, this will work and I will get what I want, sometime in the future. But boy, it was a journey!!!!
May-June I started talking to a different guy and he was literally parotting all my affirmations back to me. Everything I wanted SP to tell me I was getting it from him. I was so frustrated. He was an amazing guy, but he was not my SP. I even thought giving up on SP and taking the new guy seriously but no, that was not my end goal. I still did not understand why was this new one telling me I would be an amazing wife, I am stunning, I am so confident, he hasn't met anyone like me, he wanted to spend all his time with me, literally everything I wanted SP to do/say.
Throughout all this time, actually mostly from May onwards I kept testing the law, with small things, just to build my confidence. From manifesting avocado to show up in my fridge (yeah I know, but I needed something weird), to a pay rise (stupidly I manifested the exact amount, had I known I would have gone 10k more LOL), changing friends' minds, a free manifesting session with one of the coaches from Create your Future, etc. I needed something to make me feel I am truly God. So I thought, let me do what I know best, get my insecurities in the way of a relationship. I started telling myself that things with the new guy are going too well, that he isn't interested, that he feels there is something missing.
That's when I knew...I did it. A week later he ghosted me, for a day. So my thoughts created. I text him and he replies saying he just isn't sure of where things are going and we might be better off as friends. I read his text and I said "oh no darling, you are so gutted this is ending, you don't know what you are saying", so he replies back to my text saying he actually feels pretty sad this is ending because he really had high hopes and could see this going somewhere. It was at this moment, I knew it. We stayed friends though, I am happy to have him in my life as a friend, I never wanted anything more long term anyway.
But it was not enough. By this time, I was feeling my affirmations natural to me. I could feel I am truly the love of my SP's life, I could feel I am the only one he wants. But it was all "going to happen in the future". I didn't feel comfortable with that but it was somehow ok.
Beginning of July I get really drunk and I text SP. I thought about texting him for weeks before but I was stubborn and didn't want to do it. I didn't do it from a place of lack. I did it from a place of "whatever, I don't even care if he doesn't respond or what he thinks, I just know his heart will skip a beat when he'll see my text". I simply could not understand why I did not have any anxiety or fears and trust me it was not just the alcohol. I just wanted to do it and didn't think about it twice again. I texted him really late at night saying "I miss you". I got so drunk I completely forgot I texted him but oh well I woke up the next morning with a text from him saying he misses me too. I mean...I knew it, I wasn't shocked or anything. The conversation keeps flowing and flowing with him texting me instantly and telling me he got really drunk too and that I deserve the world and he can't come any close to that and he loved everything we ever had and it was so hard to let it go. I got annoyed and I said oh whatever pretend it never happened then. He then turned around and said he doesn't want to pretend it didn't happen, he misses me too but he is scared of us getting hurt because of the distance. So I then just played it cool.
That's when I started spiraling again. It was HELL. I thought none of it worked, all my time was wasted, all I ever did and prayed and affirmed was in vain. He proposes we meet the next time he comes down and speak about it in person and he kept saying I don't seem to care about us. I replied and said yeah ofc let's do a drink. Left of delivered. For 2 weeks.
Not a single day I stopped affirming. Then one day, I let myself cry my eyes out. One thing during all these months, since the break up, I did not let myself feel anything or cry. I refused to be weak or to acknowledge any fears. So I looked up in the mirror and I let the tears roll, I was screaming how I need to let it all out and get back on the train now or never, I kept telling myself I never lose. I decided to go back to Neville. I read Feeling is The Secret again. I read it again and again and again. IT CLICKED - IT FINALLY CLICKED FOR ME. Guys, when Neville says there is no one to change but self, I wish I was better at explaining stuff, but please only take this and let it marinate. You are not changing your SP with your affirmations, you are changing you. I realised ALL these months what I was doing was thinking OF my desire, instead of thinking FROM my desire. I knew my desire was a promise to me but something was missing. I started affirming as if I was already in the most beautiful relationship ever with SP. It felt SO natural!!!!
I had a vivid dream one night after trying to do SATS (I could never do it, until that night, when I fell asleep as if I was already his girlfriend, because in my mind, I was, and what other reality is there than the one I create?!) and he came up to me from behind kissing my neck and telling me "what, you thought I would let you go again this time?". GUYS it felt so real...the kiss, his words, everything. I had never had a dream about him before and I always had this belief, that once you dream about them...they are on their way back to you.
I was still on delivered though...I didn't care. In my mind, I was with him for a year, having the best relationship ever, being loved, cared for, cherished, etc.
He texts back and we meet up, finally. WORD BY WORD...everything I have been affirming all these months. How proud he is of me, how stunning I am, how I am the only woman he wants to be with, how he doesn't care about the distance and wants to be with me, how he never had this connection with anyone else.
I DID IT.
Did I think it was possible? HELL YES. Did I doubt? HELL YES. Not that I would have it though, but when. Time was my biggest issue here. I was a slave to the time.
When it clicked for me, it all unfolded naturally. I realised after so long my desire is not separate from me. I don't affirm to get him back to me, I affirm to CHANGE MYSELF and become the version of me that has that relationship. I read this probably 10,000 times, I never got it, until it all clicked. I could have had it anytime, I was the only one delaying it.
GUYS PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP! please go back to Neville and get off the forums, get off youtube, and do the work. Once you do the work and follow Neville, it is inevitable. You are your desire. You can have your SP anytime you want now. Feel like you are with your SP now, live your life as if you had your SP on their knees in front of you yesterday. Live from that scene, don't think of it!!!
Please try this even for a few days, it will change your life. Never doubt the law, it works.

Going to try to make this as short as possible. I’m 20 years old, about 5’10 178-180 pounds, last year I dieted and lost weight to get down from 250 to 180 and I thought that would make my problems go away, and it surely didn’t. If anything they’re the worst they’ve ever been. know I’ll probably get judged and laughed at but I just feel lost. I was with my first girlfriend for 2 1/2 years, from 15 to 17 and everything was fine for the most part, didn’t get cheated on or anything just constantly mentally abused and I had enough so I left. Since then I’ve had MANY MANY failed talking stages and it’s all been on my behalf, because I overthink, I have trust issues, I worry and I stress about something that seems stupid but for me it controls how my day to day life is by making me depressed. I want to love, I’m a good lover but everytime I start talking to someone, and start catching feelings the same thought hits me “what if she finds better” “what if she wants better” along with worrying about her finding other people more attractive than me and wanting them instead of me. When I’m in love I don’t find other people attractive, I don’t find everyone ugly but I don’t look at them and think to myself that they’re pretty, cute, hot etc. I just have eyes for them, but it seems like no one else is the same. I’m not asking to be judged, I’m not asking to be called insecure because I know I am. I just need advice, I just feel lost and I’m tired of it. I thought losing weight and looking better would fix it but it doesn’t, I’ve never been called ugly. I’ve always been called “good looking” but I myself don’t see it. And I see other people that I feel look better than me, and I know that’s what it stems from. Thanks in advance <3

I'm huge on plants- i have houseplants everywhere, and i love making closed ecosystems with my plants (sadly i am no expert) and i wanted to dip my toes into keeping fish by starting out with a simple shrimp tank.
I want to use natural ecosystem techniques and I live in socal so the weather should be okay to not need to regulate tempurature. I have a cylindrical maybe 1.5-2.5gal glass container and i was thinking of using that for the tank. I should add that I'm familiar with the concept of the walstad method and have watched plenty of low or notech builds being made on yt for years.
I want to incorporate terrestrial plants as well but I'm not sure if that's enough space. I'm not sure what shrimp/aquatic plants/water treatments to start with. I'm pretty much brand new to aquariums/tanks. Tips? Tricks? Advice? (btw i dont wanna yeet all my money down the drain since i am a student ;-;)

So I am on Xbox X series trying to start getting back into Fallout after discovering mods for Skyrim. I tossed a bunch of mods together and the game ran smooth for a bit, then I got black spots and bright discolored water. I quit, watched a few videos on load orders and started a new game. Now right at the beginning of the game when Codsworth calls us out of Shaun's room, the door won't open, but I can walk through it. When the game actually starts, most of my shots aren't registering/not doing damage to enemies.
I went back and watched/read more about load orders and most videos give different opinions.
My main goal is to make the women pretty in the game and to have a few cheats and clean/modded settlements with some armors. Nothing major.
I was running some of the mods just fine and then I added a few and started having the walking through doo bullets doing no damage issue. So I took those mods off, started at an older save and it started happening right away.
I have moved mods around and tried to copy as best I can multiple different sources of where mods should be. But nothing has helped.
Can anyone give me a mod order list for what I am looking to try and accomplish? Again, main goal is pretty women settlers and companions, just a few modded settlements and a mod that gives me a handmade. I am using Amazing Follower tweaks as well. I have been trying to work on this for 2 weeks now and have had no luck just getting out of the intro without issue. I am a total noob with mods. So any help would be appreciated.

Love the thumbnail choice for this one — so random 💀

My partner (25) suddenly became very severe 2 months ago. Previously (past year) he was mostly bedbound but could talk, be on his phone and watch shows occasionally. The start of his CFS was in 2020 from presumed mono (which has been caught reactivating on a blood test a few years back). His main new symptoms are severe sensory sensitivities (can't tolerate any light/sound and hence can't be on his phone) as well as severe air hunger and high heart rate. He's been on LDN with minimal benefits, and Mestinon which at least has helped him recently eat solid food, but seems to have stopped improving him when he stopped LDN for a week. We found a GP that specializes in ME/CFS that is helping prescribe some meds, but he seems against LDA/antivirals because he thinks they are risky and/or stop working after a bit.
My question is: what meds or other treatments have people tried that have helped with air hunger, which is the most disturbing symptom atm. He's constantly struggling for breath but it doesn't seem like standard hyperventilation (only 9-12 breaths per minute but takes very deep breaths followed by quick exhale ~8s later)?