Pain olympics real

There is some potentially triggering content in this story
Did you know that memories aren’t real? No? Not really, you can misremember or change a memory without ever knowing you have. It’s a sinisterly important fact for me, some would be worried but I find it freeing, I can share this memory without fear or shame. I most likely haven’t remembered what happened as it happened, and considering what happened on the 9th of May all those years ago, I’d say it’s likely I don’t remember. It’s a relief really that memories aren’t real; I have always hated talking about my memories, about myself in general. In my experience, people are not interested in what I have to say, unless it relates to them or it makes me look less than them. Maybe it’s all in my head, everything is really. I’m not the most people friendly these days, I think you could call me a cynic, I call myself a cynic, but I’ll try and keep true to this memory, without the influence of hindsight and my cynicism.
It’s about that puddle and the 9th of May. Why the specifically the 9th of May? Well I don’t actually know why that day, it could have easily been the 8th, the difference is hours. I do wish I could change the setting; it’s almost poetic, I could always be misremembering, it was a long time ago, and I have been told many times since that I have a flair for the dramatic. A dark and rainy night, with the wind howling, well that’s a backdrop I can enjoy.
I’m sorry. Let me start at the beginning for the sake of clarity, otherwise I’ll never finish what I start to say, and I’ll never say what I need to say.
Once upon a time I went to a party. I enjoyed drinking back then, a healthy amount for most people, but for me, a dangerous amount, I had a tendency to get inside my head when I drink.
No again I’m sorry, that’s not the memory I want to share, I want to tell the 9th of May, I think this memory will be harder to tell than I first thought.
It was a birthday party for a friend, well a friend of a friend, I knew two people there, I was speaking my wisdom at the party, normally people would just nod and slide away from that kind of wisdom, but this was during the university days, everyone is intelligent, insightful and understanding at university. We few were the self-proclaimed leaders of the future, and so understood all, my green wisdom spewed with no start or finish was always well received. I remember some of what I said, you can walk into any pub or club and listen to the drunkest person in the room, they would have spewed the same wisdom, wisdom that I thought at the time was original and wise, but really was just old sentiment repeated with new words. Despite what I wanted at the time, wisdom comes with age, not self-assurance.
But this time was my spring years, that sweet age just before I faced reality, the real harsh reality of life, I had just begun to explore the world inside my bubble, and my exploration lead me onto the well-trodden path of clubbing and drinking, the respectable rebellion. I began as I always did, by talking, talking of going to some event, a lecture, a monument, an underground pub, of all the things I could do that evening, the places I could go, I and the other future leaders of the world, the potential was ours to squander. This ended as it always would, in that night club, the very same one I would always go to, my slice of reality.
Apologies my dear reader, I have a cynical mind, it’s hard to keep at bay, I’ll admit that I haven’t really tried to keep it from being an influence here, I can’t seem to help myself, but this next part of the memory is less clear, but I can relay it with a real, shame filled joy. This part of the memory feels more like a dream now, I don’t have the energy to do what I did that night, I don’t have the energy for much these days, I think that makes the memory more fond to me, drinking, dancing, worry free. Maybe fond was the wrong word to use here, jealous is more fitting, jealous of the innocence and time I wasted. The power of a drink back then was incredible; I miss the feeling, that burn in the mouth, the after taste, the saliva, the heat in your chest, and that feeling of being unstoppable. Of course drink has more than one effect, and while I’d like to believe my cloudy memory is caused by false and misremembered facts, or by the merging of a hundred single nights into one endless night, that’s too poetic. No, the memory is clouded by the amount I drunk that night, and many years after as I tried to forget this very memory.
Yet despite this, even now, the fragments still makes me smile, whether it’s because I enjoy the memories of the innocence I held then, or I’m jealous of them I cannot say, I’m a self-proclaimed cynic, not a philosopher or a psychologist, I’ll leave the analysis to better men than me. Instead I’ll try to give you an idea of what happened in the club without my opinions bleeding through. This night in the club was no different from all the others, they all start the same. Moving around the club in a daze, my head feeling big and unsteady, but also incredibly light and empty, my fingertips warm, my feet numb, I remember dancing to songs, dancing on tables, screaming out lyrics, smoking outside, stealing a bottle of champagne, fixing my hair in a mirror, buying a round of drinks, the lights flashing, the bass thumping, fog spewing, standing on my own staring at the old chandelier, crawling on the floor looking for money, I remember walking out the club and how quiet everything seemed in comparison while I tried to keep standing in the night air, looking at my hands, how bright the lights were, how blurry the world seemed and how beautiful the moon was that night.
Here, here the memory starts to come back into focus, the bright street lights and night air always helped me to sober up at night, plus I’ve always enjoyed being outside in the dark night or under the moonlight, I find it comforting to stand under the moon, it’s as if I’m suddenly alive.
As I came to my senses my memory sharpened, but that’s all, my drunkenness remained. I was with a couple of friends, some who I had been at the party with and some who I met in the club, we got food, and we spent such a long time talking, our conversations were mixed, some happy, some sad, all just more green wisdom. Much later on, me and my friend, maybe the one I went to the party with (it might have been someone else, who’s to say?), walked back towards our homes not because we wanted to walk as we said over and over to our screeching friends, but because the taxi was expensive and we couldn’t afford it, we lived in different places but close enough that we could walk together. Its funny to think of this moment, back then I had the money for a taxi, but I wouldn’t spend it on a taxi, now that I’m a poor man, I’ll spend money I don’t have on taxis I don’t need, apparently the youthful idiot I was, was wiser than I am now in some regards after all.
I don’t remember walking with my friend, or rather, I know where we went, how long it took and what we probably talked about, I had walked this walk so many times before this night, and so many after, they are all the same memory to me now, I enjoyed the walking in the night, the exhilaration of that has stayed with me more than the company on those walks. I always used to break it down into three segments, and so that’s how it comes back to me now. Leaving the club, past the library, past the race track, over the river across the bridge, up the steep hill, past the first university gates (which were actually the back gates), round the campus on the public roads, to the second gates (which are the main gates), a long walk with company, a painfully short one with alone. He was still living on the Campus my friend, I lived about ten minutes away from the campus, I said goodbye and goodnight, we agreed to speak in the morning if we survived. He went through the back gates and headed towards the halls, I continued on my way, onto the second segment of the walk past the gates. I was on my own for the rest of the walk; this happened a lot, both during my university days and many years after. I lived on the opposite side of the campus to most of my friends so this part of the walk was always mine alone, even when I started the night with the people I lived with. I didn’t mind, it was nice to enjoy the feeling of being drunk without having to show I was drunk, a few assured moments of peace under the moon light. I never deviated from my path, round the outside of the campus, opposite some housing estates, till I got next to a little shop that sold cheap, bottles of spirit. I would always stop for a moment to wish that shop was open.
Then it was down that straight road, the final part of my walk, big houses on either side, well-lit but not busy. It looked like it was a five minute walk but once you started it felt like it was never ending, and at the end of the night, in the night air, it was never ending. Sometimes I would run, sprint to see if I could make it to the end of that road without stopping, something to break the monotony of walking, other times to tire myself out so I could fall straight to sleep, and sometimes just because I wanted to run. Nearly every day for two years I walked down that road to go clubbing shopping or studying, to go for a meal, see a film, meet a friend, it was a constant part of my life, an unwanted companion and witness. Walking down that road, reader I don’t think I’m able to describe how I hated that road, but I always walked down that road, there were other ways I could walk, quicker ways, but I always took that road.
This particular night, actually at this point I suppose it was the morning. I was walking down that road in the rain and dark between the streetlights, bitterly cold staring straight into a street light walking on the right hand side. I’d always walk on the right hand side, I’m not sure why, whenever I walked on the left I had a bad day. Except for on the 9th, the 9th is the one exception.
I have no clue where the car came from; I didn’t see it until after the jump, just a blurred headlight, a door, a wing mirror. The driver, the make, the model, even the color is a mystery. It appeared and left like a phantom. There was no thought, I moved forward, but I don’t recognize that I was the one who leapt forward.
I remember the fall. I fell backwards. As if my strings had been cut and I fell limp into the puddle, there was no splash as I landed in that puddle.
The feeling I felt in that puddle, it was something I had never felt before or since, an overwhelming pull I was powerless against, I pray to never to feel it again.
Should I describe it? How to describe it? I have to describe it. I can describe the fear it inspired, but not yet, it’s easier to describe fear, but this isn’t meant to be easy, this memory never is. No the actual feeling, that’s harder, It wasn’t a happy emotion, not a powerful emotion, not a sad emotion. Hopelessness? Yes it was hopelessness. Nothing more, nothing less. No hope for the future, no point to anything, I think it is possibly the only time I felt hopelessness. You can’t live without hope.
I couldn’t stand could I? No, I wouldn’t have laid there if I could, to begin with I didn’t want to, didn’t care to, my legs wouldn’t move, arms were like stone, every muscle in my body cramped, I could feel everything. My eyes were open, rain hitting them, rain dripped from my lips to my chin, it tickled. The fingertips were warm, hair moved, stand by stand off my face. Puddle water lapped against my cheek, socks soaking up water, shirt getting tighter and heavier, jacket sleeves filling up with water, keys and wallet resting on my leg. I just lay there staring at nothing, seeing nothing.
I think to begin with I was gone; that everything I held myself up to and was trying to achieve, had suddenly left me, except my memories, memories that weren’t real. For the longest time that’s how I was, empty, even down to my emotions there was nothing I laid there empty. I could feel my body, but I couldn’t move it, I wasn’t welcome, I felt awkward, out of place. I’m not sure how long I lay there, dead (I had to be dead because I had no hope), it could have been a minute; it could have been hours, days or years.
The light was wrong. It was dark, only the light seemed to come from a streetlight, the sky was empty, the moon had left me.
Some portion of my mind came back, I started crying, I had failed, failed at even this simple task, I lay for a long time waiting, waiting for something else to come, I should have gotten up, but I just lay there waiting, I was muttering my secret . If that had been my mind for the rest of my days, I would have spent those days in that puddle unmoving; declared brain dead on the spot. The moment raises such disgust in me, I grieved my most important failure, hated my greatest success.
I’d like to lie here, to say anything other than the truth, to save myself the pain and the shame, but I said I would try to tell this memory as it was, not as I wish it, so while I’d like to say I had a vison, a burst of strength, that hope returned to me, I can’t, because in reality it was two words that saved me.
Two words. The Two words that cut through it all. I’m still not sure if I just heard them from somewhere else, said it myself or imagined it afterwards. “Get up” it was angry, disgusted, the words were almost spat out, “Get up”.
Those words have burned themselves into my mind, and affected me every day since. The fear and inspiration it awoke in my mind, throat pricked and butterflies in my stomach, anxiety. Next to the hopelessness it seemed like life had spoken, with a voice that wielded fear.
I took control of my body then……
No dear reader I didn’t…. I am almost finished, I have to be true to the memory, I can’t spare myself now, it’s too late for me to take it back.
I didn’t take control, I wasn’t there yet, it took me such a long time to regain control again, but it gave my eyes back to me for I had seen nothing long before the fall. I watched as fear drove me, took the strings of my life and moved them, dragging my shell in the dust, screaming.
I cursed everyone and everything, hated myself for what had happened, Oh and the fear, fear of the voice, fear of dying, the fear that someone would see me at this moment, see me and misunderstand me, I didn’t want to die,(I don’t want to die now) I was terrified that I had tried to die, terrified I didn’t know where that urge came from, that moment of energy and intention that was actioned without the consent of my mind, that I was powerless against.
Fear drove me, commanded me out of that puddle. I’d gone insane, truly, completely, utterly mad, I was dragging myself to the curb, screaming, crying, laughing, I ripped my finger nails out, shredded my palms and hands into bloody messes my knees into bruised pulp, my head and face cut by being dragged along.
I heaved up that curb fucking curb, shaking. I started to stand and scramble forward, to escape that spot, that puddle on that road. I stood up hunched and bent, buffet by the wind, laughing, crying, waving my hands in all directions spitting, shouting, wiping blood on my jeans, I was staggering side to side shaking, soaked to the bone, I was mad, insane, disgraced and humiliated.
Why say more? I won’t go further, there is so much more but to understand it…. This was not the place for such memories. That moment all those years ago, was not the eureka moment, the next day I turned this into a joke, a story to tell.
To this day, I cannot tell you what really happened that night all those years ago, as I sit here writing and rewriting the words over and over. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. I wonder what would happened if I could relive that night again, doing everything again now. This was the time that my bubble began to burst and the real world hit me like a wave. Perhaps it was just a moment of growing pains. I’ve said it before, I’m only a cynic, all I have left is the memory of the 9th of May, a memory I visit daily.

I (m34) have been battling childhood trauma, physical and verbal abuse, neglect for my entire teen/adult years. I suffer from panic disorder and major depression with suicidal ideations. I met my wife (f32) in 2012 and we were married in November of 2014. I carried baggage into our marriage, baggage I didn’t want anyone to carry or see. It ate at me. It was a virus that consumed who I was every day. As our life became more grand, I continued to decline. I followed her to a new city, I wanted her to be everything she wanted as long as I was there. Because she made the pain numb. But it started to be more than I could handle. 6 years in I was at my lowest in life. I couldn’t see or feel. We have two children and I had a good job but I wasn’t happy in anything, she was successful and still is. She is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen walk this earth.
I made the decision to take my life, I spent a few weeks recording videos on my phone after work for her and the girls and my brother in law. I wanted them to know that I was broken and I needed help but I never had the strength to say it to them. They were all so much better than I was. They were all amazing and successful and I just never felt real. I never felt like a human.
My wife took our girls out of town for a trip and I was to meet them on Sunday. Friday night I went out with a group of friends that I cherished them so much because they were there everyday at work and they created this alternate reality that seemed to be beyond the realm of my darkest thoughts. After the night was ending I invited a few over for drinks in the garage, it was a last hoorah for me, I had already planned to take my life that night in the tub at home. Two friends decided to tag along. One being a female that was also in a weird part of life. We all drank and smoked weed to terrible lengths and they left. As I was closing up and beginning to arrange my plan she called saying she left her vape on the bumper of my car in the garage and she was stopping back by. I headed out to open up and meet her, she walked in, grabbed it from my hand and started kissing me. One then led to the uncontrollable other and we ended up having sex which seemed to last 2 mins but the damage was done. I immediately felt guilty and told her to leave. I felt such shame and anger with myself. I closed up again. Poured one last drink, got my gun out of the case, got the videos ready to send and sat in the tub. But I couldn’t pull the trigger. I couldn’t send the videos. I sobbed for most the night and ended up laying down and falling asleep.
That Monday morning I dropped my daughter off at daycare and she looked at me like she saw every dark corner of me and still seemed to love who I am. I called my wife and broke down about my suicidal ideations, my depression, my anxiety. But I kept my mistake from her because it didn’t mean anything to me and I didn’t want to ruin my marriage over it.
My wife is my entire life. I have made it almost 4 years in recovery with her help. I have changed my career, I am a better father, a better person, a better husband. But she lost herself giving up her identity to save me. All the while I harbored the friendship with this toxic girl who I cheated with because I thought she was important to my life. I thought she was part of my healing. It was terribly wrong. And I manipulated my wife so often to try to keep this relationship that she often accused of being inappropriate for me and our marriage.
We moved away, started a new life. And things have been going well for 3 solid years, but after I started feeling better, the guilt consumed me.
Two days ago, I broke the news to her that I was unfaithful and lied to her.
It crushed her. And she doesn’t think it can be fixed. I don’t blame her but I don’t see a life without her. I want to be here with her and my girls forever. I am fixed because of her. And I broke her in the process.
What do I do to save my marriage? She is the blood in my veins.

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These wearables, combined with the previously mentioned ones, offer a comprehensive approach to personal health and wellness, addressing various aspects such as physical activity, nutrition, sleep, mental well-being, and environmental factors.

I recently got diagnosed with bipolar and one of the questions I couldn't answer was "did you ever experience a psychotic episode?" I tried telling him the episodes below, but I was panicking and forgot most of them and very vaguely described them, and he told me that's not psychosis.
I went through two distinct phases separated by several years (2018 and I believe 2021, I can't remember). First one was gruesome. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror, hated the way I looked, didn't feel like I was myself, or anyone, just something disgusting. I became obsessed with blood, painted with blood, engaged in self harm, purposefully withdrew blood and wore it in a little bottle on my neck. I had intense intrusive thoughts about dying or being hurt, particularly when I would close my eyes, when I would have visions of various torture being inflicted on me, like someone smashing my hand with something heavy and breaking all the bones, or sticking a knife right through the middle of my hand, during which I would actually briefly feel the pain in what I can only describe as shocks that would last a second or two. The pain felt real for that second or two. I hated that I had a body and wanted to sink my nails in my face and scratch the skin off so I could ascend and be free. I refused to look in the mirror during that period.
Second one was after I entered a relationship. Out of nowhere, I started being obsessed with my boyfriend drinking coke. I started strongly believing that coke will make all his teeth fall out then he would die. I also became obsessed with saving money, because having money saved meant we won't die in an emergency and I was convinced an emergency could happen at any time. It quickly slipped into the most intense paranoia I've ever felt in my life. I became so obsessed with these things that I would spy on his laptop when I was supposed to be working (wfh) for hours on end, trying to find out if he was spending money on ordering food or taking taxis, or going places he wasn't supposed to go. I'd stay up at night for hours waiting for him to fall asleep so I could look through his phone. It was horrible, I know what I did was inexcusable, I'm perfectly aware, but I wasn't aware back then. It was an all consuming paranoia.
I don't know if these count as psychosis? Is there psychosis without hallucinations? Because I don't think I ever hallucinated, except one isolated instance when I saw myself and everything happening around me from above in 3rd person.

26/01/2014 - WWE Royal Rumble
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentated by Jim Ross, JBL, and Michael Cole
We see some footage of superstars arriving to the arena today. The Authority arrive in a limousine; WWE Champion Randy Orton, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and Kane. Daniel Bryan is shown walking with Brie Bella. "The Animal" Batista shows up in a truck and flexes for the camera. The feed cuts and glitches out revealing a dark room with a empty rocking chair moving slowly. "We're here."
The iconic voice of Jim Ross welcomes us to the 2014 Royal Rumble as pyro erupts from the stage and the fans go wild. The Authority's music plays and the mood quickly shifts, the crowd rains down boo's. Here comes the WWE World Champion Randy Orton. Orton talks trash to some fans in the front row while Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and Kane make their way out as well. Orton raises the title as HHH passes him a microphone. Orton is in a great mood tonight. He's got the night off and there will be 30 men all vying for a chance to get RKO'ed in the main event of Wrestlemania 30. The crowd chants, “Daniel Bryan” as Orton laughs and promises that Bryan doesn't stand a chance. If you want to win the Royal Rumble you have to be taller than these marks in the crowd, you can't be a front row wrestler like Daniel Bryan or CM Punk. The crowd breaks into a deafening “DANIEL BRYAN/CM PUNK!” chant as Orton highlights some of the past winners like himself, Triple H, and Batista. True superstars who all pass the airport test. Triple H takes the microphone and tells the fans to shut the hell up and respect greatness. The reason The Authority are out here is because they want an answer from Batista. Will The Animal join them, take the #30 spot, and win the Rumble to make the biggest Wrestlemania main event a reality? Batista's music hits and he gets a great reaction. First of all, Batista thanks the Pittsburgh fans and everyone in the WWE for welcoming him back with open arms. Batista has a ton of respect for Triple H and Orton after all those years in Evolution. They all shake hands and it looks like he's accepting the offer. Triple H tells Batista to make the right decision and do whats best for business. Batista gives the THUMBS UP! The Authority are all psyched up until.... Batista, who still has his thumb in the air, says "What's best for business.... is listening to these fans! Doing things the hard way, the same way he did it through his whole career. Batista didn't come back to be handed anything, he came back to prove he can still be The Animal. The man who beat Triple H in the main event of Wrestlemania.... The thumbs up is turned into a THUMBS DOWN! Kane charges at Batista but gets clotheslined! Randy Orton and Tripe H flee from the ring as The Animal delivers a Spinebuster to Kane and rattles the ropes! Triple H screams that Batista is going to regret this decision.....
A video package of the feud between Divas Champion AJ Lee and Mickie James is next. After AJ Lee defeated Naomi to retain her title on RAW, AJ declared she had no competition in the locker room. Cue the surprise return of Mickie James! Former psycho versus current psycho, legend versus future legend. They exchange verbal barbs over the next few weeks, with Mickie picking up some big wins and earning a title match. During a contract signing on the final RAW before the Royal Rumble, things finally turned physical and Mickie put AJ Lee through a table with a huge bulldog from the top rope! Everything comes to a head tonight with the championship on the line.
Tony Chimel lets us know that this contest is scheduled for one fall as Mickie James makes her entrance and gets emotional at the ovation from the audience in Pittsburgh. Divas Champion AJ Lee is next and she gets a mixed reaction; the fans love her but are definitely backing Mickie in this one.
AJ Lee (c) vs. Mickie James for the WWE Divas Championship
The match kicks off with AJ slapping Mickie across the face! James returns the favour and tackles AJ, raining down a flurry of punches. AJ Lee cowers into the corner but then takes advantage by slamming Mickie to the mat by her hair! AJ taunts Mickie and stomps her in the corner but when the champion charges, Mickie backdrops her over the ropes! Mickie hits a Thez Press from the apron and tosses AJ into the barricade!
They battle on the apron until AJ sends Mickie head first into the ringpost. Mickie seems genuinely hurt and the referee goes to check on her, allowing AJ to expose the turnbuckle on the opposite side of the ring. She shows no regard for her possibly injured challenger, ignoring the ref and dragging Mickie back into the centre of the ring. Out of nowhere, James nails the Mick Kick! AJ is down! 1-2-AJ gets her foot underneath the bottom rope! James goes for the Stratus-faction but AJ Lee launches her into the exposed turnbuckle! Mickie James is out cold! 1-2-3! AJ retains!
Result- AJ Lee wins by pinfall via exposed turnbuckle shot. (12:58)
The Royal Rumble tumbler is back! Stephanie McMahon is overseeing things as superstars enter to pick their spots in the Royal Rumble. We see Alberto Del Rio, Brodus Clay, and other superstars pick their numbers. Triple H and Paul Heyman in the background; they shake hands and it appears that HHH hands Heyman something before he walks off.
"The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes is here! He introduces his sons, the WWE World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes and Goldust! The champions hug their father and make their way to the ring for a Six Pack Challenge Elimination Match! After being on the wrong side of The Authority, The Rhodes Brothers have been put in quite the predicament as they look to retain their title's against all odds.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust (c) vs. The New Age Outlaws vs. The Prime Time Players vs. Truth & Consequences vs. Hunico and Camacho vs. The Uso's in a Six Pack Challenge Elimination Match for the WWE World Tag Team Championship
Everything breaks down right off the bat. Bodies are flying everywhere. The Uso's hit a pair of dives over the ropes onto a pile of opponents. Back in the ring Hunico and Camacho eat a pair of Superkicks. Uso Splash to Hunico! 1-2-3!
Jey Uso pins Hunico via Uso Splash (Hunico and Camacho are eliminated)
The Prime Time Players take their turn dominating. Titus hits a Sit-Out Spinebuster to Billy Gunn. Darren Young launches Road Dogg from the ring and dropkicks an incoming Jimmy Uso. Xavier Woods comes out of nowhere with a springboard DDT on Titus O'Neil! Darren Young gets hit with a spinning elbow from R-Truth! Woods and Truth connect with a double Scissor Kick on Titus for the 3 count.
R-Truth pins Titus O'Neil via Double Scissors Kick (The Prime Time Players are eliminated)
Road Dogg chopblocks R-Truth immediately and throws him into the ringpost. Woods gets some shots in on Dogg but turns around into a Fameasser from Billy Gunn! 1-2-3!
Billy Gunn pins Xavier Woods via Fameasser (Truth & Consequences are eliminated)
Road Dogg grabs one of the tag title belts and brings it in the ring. The referee tries to stop him but Billy warns the referee that Triple H will fire him if he gets in their way. Billy holds Goldust as Road Dogg charges with the title ---- Goldust low blows Billy Gunn and ducks; Road Dogg knocks out Billy Gunn with the title belt! Cody Rhodes grabs Road Dogg and hits the Cross Rhodes!
Cody Rhodes pins Billy Gunn via Cross Rhodes (The New Age Outlaws are eliminated)
We are down to two teams. The Rhodes Brothers and The Uso's. The teams gather themselves in opposite corners as the crowd swells to a fever pitch. All four slug it out in the middle. Double Superkick to Goldust sends him to the floor. Cody hits the Bionic Elbow to Jimmy! Alabama Slam to Jey! Cody is all fired up! Cody goes for the Cross Rhodes but nearly gets pinned on a roll up. Double Superkick to Cody! Both The Uso's climb to the top rope but Goldust comes back in and drops Jimmy right on his yambags! Goldust meets Jey on the other side and delivers a giant superplex! BUT JIMMY RECOVERS AND FLIES OFF THE TOP! USO SPLASH TO GOLDUST! 1-2-CODY BREAKS UP THE PIN! Cody hits a Disaster Kick to Jimmy but gets Superkicked by Jey! With his last gasp of energy, Goldust nails Jey with the Final Cut! 1-2-3! Cody and Goldust retain!
Goldust pins Jey Uso via The Final Cut
Result- Cody Rhodes and Goldust retain the WWE World Tag Team Championship. (15:59)
CM Punk is taping his wrists in the locker room when Corporate Kane approaches with a bunch of security. Punk stands up ready to defend himself. But Kane tells him to calm down. He's here with a gift from The Authority. Kane hands Punk a Rumble number from the tumbler and tells him on behalf of The Authority, they wish him luck tonight. Kane leaves as punk opens the ball and shakes his head.
A video package showcases the rivalry between the United States Champion Dean Ambrose and Rob Van Dam. After RVD became # 1 Contender, The Shield brutalized him in a 3 on 1 beatdown. The next week, Rob Van Dam attacked Ambrose with a steel chair and delivered a devastating Van Daminator. Ambrose got busted open but the blood seemed to turn him into some kind of maniac. A bloodied Ambrose cut an iconically intense promo backstage in the boiler room where he challenged RVD to a Hardcore match at the Royal Rumble. Rob Van Dam accepted and began to tap into his hardcore style, even going as far as to bring back his old friend Sabu to help him fend off repeated attacks by The Shield. Tonight this rivalry concludes in a Hardcore match for the US Championship.
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Rob Van Dam for the United States Championship in a Hardcore Match
Van Dam starts off hot with a barrage of kicks to Ambrose. RVD hits his signature barricade legdrop from the apron! He pulls out a kendo stick and starts unloading on the champion. Ambrose stops the beating by raking RVD's eyes and then snapping the kendo stick in half. Ambrose goes berserk, stabbing RVD with the sharp part of the broken kendo stick repeatedly in the corner as JR tells the TV audience to put their kids to bed because "this match is going to be bowling shoe ugly folks". Van Dam slides out of the ring and we see he's bleeding profusely. Ambrose stalks his prey on the outside but RVD tosses a steel chair full speed at his head! RVD goes under the ring and grabs a couple of trash cans and a lid. He smashes Ambrose over the head with the lid and throws him in the ring. RVD sets up a table on the outside but is momentarily distracted, trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes which allows Ambrose to crush one of the trash cans over Van Dam's head. Like a shark that smells blood in the water, Ambrose pounces on RVD and unloads punches to his open cut. The referee pulls him off and checks on RVD. But Ambrose is not done. Far from it. He goes under the ring and grabs a barbed wired baseball bat! As he gets in the ring, RVD kicks the barbed wired bat into Ambrose's face! Spike DDT! Van Dam puts a trash can over Ambrose's head and props him in the corner. VAN TERMINATOR WITH A STEEL CHAIR INTO THE TRASH CAN! RVD slowly drapes his arm over Ambrose. 1-2-Dean somehow kicks out! They exchange punches in the middle of the ring until Ambrose bites RVD's bloody head!!! RVD punches Ambrose just to get him off of him but Dean rebounds with a lariat that turns RVD inside out! Instead of going for the pin, Ambrose picks up the barbed wired baseball bat and smashes RVD in the back repeatedly! Van Dam rolls to the apron but Ambrose follows him and starts grinding the barbed wire in RVD's face! Using the pure adrenaline of survival instinct, RVD reverses into a suplex over the ropes, sending he and Ambrose crashing through the table on the outside!
The fans chant "Holy shit!" as the announcers question how much more these guys, specifically RVD, can take. RVD is first to his feet and throws Ambrose in the ring. RVD climbs to the top rope but Ambrose hits the ropes and causes him to lose balance. He tosses RVD off the top rope onto a trash can! Ambrose goes under the ring and grabs a bag..... The referee tries to stop him but Ambrose shoves him to the ground and empties the contents all over the ring ---- IT'S THUMBTACKS! He turns around and catches a steel chair hurled at him by RVD! VAN TERMINATOR! Ambrose falls into the tacks! RVD goes up top! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH INTO THE TACKS! "BY GAWD!" Cover! 1-2-Ambrose kicks out by shoving a handful of tacks into RVD's face! Van Dam screams in pain as a now bloody Ambrose pulls himself to his feet and smiles. DIRTY DEEDS ON THE TACKS! 1-2-3!
Result- Dean Ambrose wins by pinfall via Dirty Deeds onto thumbtacks! (22:22)
Rob Van Dam is taken out on a stretcher as Dean Ambrose sits bloodied in the corner, with thumbtacks all over him and the United States Title over his shoulder, admiring his work.
Writer's Note: This match writes RVD out for the foreseeable future to give him a well deserved break. Ambrose is put over as a sadistic, hardcore, psycho path on RVD's way out.
We cut backstage where Mark Henry and The Big Show are picking their numbers. Stephanie McMahon plays nice with the legendary giants, telling them that there are always advantages to helping The Authority. Mark Henry laughs her off and walks out but Big Show appears to contemplate her words. Daniel Bryan walks in and has a face off with Triple H. Bryan wants to pick his Rumble number but HHH tells him there's only one ball left. He teases not giving it to him but places it in his hands. Bryan opens it, shakes his head and smiles, saying he wouldn't expect anything less from The Authority.
A video package on the history of the Royal Rumble match is next, highlighting past winners, elimination records, and obscure statistics. Ladies and gentlemen. We promised you a great main event.
Main Event- 30 Man Royal Rumble Match
1. Daniel Bryan
2. CM Punk
The two heroes of our story; enemies of The Authority that have been given the insurmountable task of winning from the opening spots if they want to main event Wrestlemania. They slug it out and the fans love every second of it.
3. Big E Langston
The Intercontinental Champion gets a chance to showcase his abilities in full spotlight. He tosses Bryan and Punk around much to the chagrin of the crowd. Punk and Bryan team up to stop the onslaught and slow the big man down.
4. Mark Henry
The World's Strongest Man double clotheslines Punk and Bryan before squaring up with Big E. The two meaty men begin slappin' meat until Henry squashes the IC Champion in the corner and takes advantage.
5. Alexander Rusev
The Bulgarian Brute from NXT goes nose to nose with Mark Henry. Rusev kicks Henry in the head and then charges full speed, clobbering him and sending Mark crashing from the ring for our first official elimination of the night!
Alexander Rusev eliminates Mark Henry
6. Evan Bourne
Bourne quickens the pace of the match and hits a barrage of high flying moves until he meets the brick wall known as Rusev. Rusev gets Bourne in a precarious position and clotheslines him so hard that he takes a nasty backflip bump off the apron ala Paul London 2005.
Alexander Rusev eliminates Evan Bourne
Rusev turns around and realizes he's surrounded by Bryan, Punk, and Big E! He fights valiantly but it's no use. YES+ Knee by Bryan! Rusev is rocked but still standing! GTS by Punk! Rusev is STILL somehow on his feet but falls back against the ropes ..... A clothesline from Big E sends Rusev over the ropes for another elimination!
Big E Langston eliminates Alexander Rusev
7. Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez
As a former World Champion and Royal Rumble winner, Del Rio has to be considered dangerous in this match. He hits a nasty double foot stomp on Big E and trash talks the fans as they boo him out of the building. Bryan and Punk hit a Hart Attack on Del Rio to a massive pop!
8. Kevin Nash
It looks like The Authority have a couple of tricks up their sleeve tonight. Nash immediately targets Punk and Bryan, savouring the boo's from the audience. Meanwhile, Big E nearly has Del Rio eliminated until Rodriguez hops on the apron and allows Del Rio to get the advantage by jamming him thumb in Big E's eye! Del Rio kicks Big E in the face and eliminates the Intercontinental Champion!
Alberto Del Rio eliminates Big E Langston
Del Rio and Nash team up to beat down Punk and Bryan.
9. John Cena
Business is about to pick up! Cena hits the ring and takes the fight to Del Rio and Nash! AA to Del Rio! Nash immediately takes Cena down with a big boot and mocks the fans, pretending to cry. Jackknife Powerbomb to Cena! Nash tosses Punk over the ropes but Punk skins the cat and starts kicking Nash in his surgically repaired knee's.
10. Big Show
Nash throws Punk into the ring post and has a face off with The World's Largest Athlete. Nash extends his hand, wondering if Show is going to take The Authority up on their offer. Big Show teases joining him --- psych! Knockout Punch by Big Show! Nash crumples to the mat. The fans love it as Big Show gets hyped up and then starts chopping Del Rio in the corner.
11. X-Pac
Another surprise return! But is this another legend doing the bidding of The Authority? Pac does some crotch chops and gets a good reaction as he fist bumps The Big Show and hits a Bronco Buster to Del Rio! But X-Pac cannot be trusted as he kicks Big Show right in the family jewels! Kevin Nash pulls himself to his feet and two sweets X-Pac! Nash goes to stomping on The Big Show as Pac charges for a Bronco Buster on Punk ---- Cena takes X-Pac's head off with a clothesline and then AA's him from the ring!
John Cena eliminates X-Pac
Cena, Punk, and Bryan all attack Kevin Nash and buy enough time for Big Show to recover. Show grabs Nash by the throat and pushes him back over the ropes!
Big Show eliminates Kevin Nash
Show, Cena, Punk, Bryan, and Del Rio all fight and try to eliminate each other as the buzzer sounds for the next entrant.
12. Bray Wyatt
The mood has shifted in the arena! Bray Wyatt comes in like an absolute killer, wrecking everyone in his path. Sister Abigail to CM Punk! Daniel Bryan is the last one standing and the crowd breaks out into thunderous "YES!" chants as Bryan and Wyatt exchange stiff slaps and beat the piss out of each other!
13. Erick Rowan
A coincidence or the puppet strings of The Authority? The Wyatt Family now has two members and begin to dominate. Big Show grabs their throats but Rowan breaks free with several headbutts! Big Show slumps back against the ropes --- Wyatt and Rowan dump him to the floor!
Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan eliminate Big Show
Wyatt sits in the corner moving his hands like a orchestra conductor as Rowan chokes Daniel Bryan on the opposite side of the ring. Del Rio tries to eliminate John Cena.
14. Brodus Clay
The Funkasaurus is in no dancing mood, he knows how serious this opportunity is and he also knows what he's up against. As soon as he slides in the ring, Wyatt and Rowan put the boots to him. Clay fights back but it's no use. It's Wyatt Family domination as Bray hits a Sister Abigail and then Rowan throws the big man over the ropes.
Erick Rowan eliminates Brodus Clay
CM Punk is Bray Wyatt's next target but he fights for his life and hits a big roundhouse kick to Rowan! Bray has to fend for himself and he smiles, it's time to dance!
15. Kofi Kingston
Kingston is a house of fire, flying all over the ring. SOS to Bray Wyatt! Trouble in Paradise to Del Rio! Kingston springboards off the ropes but gets caught by Erick Rowan! Rowan press slams Kofi to the outside ---- Kofi lands on the barricade! He trust falls back into the crowd and they surf him around as the arena breaks out into huge "KOFI!" chants.
16. Santino Marella
Santino breaks out THE COBRA! Wyatt does the creepy spider walk which freaks Santino out ---- he eliminates himself and walks to the back!
Santino Marella eliminates himself
17. Ezekiel Jackson
As Jackson walks down to the ring, the crowd bring Kofi back to the barricade and he hops to the apron! Bray Wyatt launches himself into Kofi, sending him flying into in the arms of Ezekiel Jackson! Kofi is all pumped up at avoiding elimination twice but Jackson bodyslams Kofi on the floor! Kofi is now out and Big Zeke has his first elimination before he even gets in the ring!
Ezekiel Jackson eliminates Kofi Kingston
Jackson joins the match and exchanges some shoulder blocks with Erick Rowan. Bray Wyatt continues to brawl with Daniel Bryan while John Cena fights Del Rio.
18. Christian
Captain Charisma joins the match and finds himself squaring off with his old rival Ezekiel Jackson. Jackson gets him up for a Powerslam but Christian fights out and hits the Killswitch! Christian then ducks a Bray Wyatt clothesline and hits a Spear! Del Rio cheapshots Christian and tells the fans to shut up as he chokes Captain Charisma in the corner.
19. Chris Jericho
Y2J makes quite the entrance with a boatload of pyro. Jericho slaps Del Rio and locks in the Walls of Jericho! The ring begins to fill up now as strategy changes this late into the match; nobody wants to risk elimination at this point.
20. The Boogeyman
JBL gets real quiet all of a sudden as the legend crawls out and smashes a clock on his head! Boogeyman gets in the ring and begins eating a handful of worms! This gets Bray Wyatt's attention and the two spooky guys have a staredown. The Eater of Worlds vs. The Eater of Worms. Boogeyman sets Wyatt up for the Pumphandle Slam but Erick Rowan boots him in the head and then tosses him from the ring!
Erick Rowan eliminates The Boogeyman
21. Fandango w/Summer Rae
As Fandango dances his way to the ring, Christian and Jericho team up to eliminate Ezekiel Jackson.
Christian and Chris Jericho eliminate Ezekiel Jackson
Fandango sets his sights on Jericho and shows a more vicious side of himself, stomping Y2J relentlessly. Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan try to eliminate Christian.
22. Luke Harper
The Wyatt Family is now at full strength. They dominate the field and Luke Harper clotheslines Fandango off the apron!
Luke Harper eliminates Fandango
Bray instructs them to eliminate Bryan but Punk and Cena have something to say about that.
23. Bad News Barrett
As Barrett picks the most opportune time to enter, The Wyatt Family gang up on Christian and Bray Wyatt tosses him out!
Bray Wyatt eliminates Christian
Chris Jericho puts up a fight, nailing Rowan with a Codebreaker! The numbers game is still in The Wyatt Family's favour --- Harper decapitates Y2J with a clothesline, and Wyatt eliminates him as well!
Bray Wyatt eliminates Chris Jericho
The clock begins to countdown so Barrett is forced to roll in the ring and Harper attacks him.
24. Shelton Benjamin
AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME, NOOOO! The Gold Standard makes his return to WWE and gets a nice ovation from the Pittsburgh crowd. He single handedly ends The Wyatt Family's domination by diving onto all three of them! As Bray Wyatt scurries to his feet, Shelton greets him with a T-Bone Suplex! Erick Rowan charges full speed at Daniel Bryan but Bryan avoids him by pulling the rope down and Rowan crashes to the floor!
Daniel Bryan eliminates Erick Rowan
Rowan is pissed and starts dismantling the announce table until the referee's force him to leave. The ring is full of superstars with full intentions of headlining Wrestlemania. Bryan and Punk are spent. Cena too. Del Rio hides in the corner to stay alive. Shelton battles it out with Barrett and Harper. Wyatt pulls himself to his feet.
25. Batista
THE ANIMAL IS HERE! Batista is a one man wrecking crew. Spinebuster to Luke Harper! Batista Bomb to Barrett! Del Rio sneaks up and attempts to toss Batista out but The Animal reverses his momentum and eliminates Del Rio!
Batista eliminates Alberto Del Rio
Batista and Bray Wyatt lock eyes. Wyatt loves it and yells "Show me that Animal, David!" Batista crushes him with a Spear and then finds himself face to face with John Cena. Cena is much more exhausted and ends up getting Spinebustered for his troubles.
26. Roman Reigns
The powerhouse of The Shield enters the ring with bad intentions; Spear to Shelton Benjamin! Superman Punch to Daniel Bryan! Reigns and Batista do battle until Wyatt and Harper attack them ---- Batista and Reigns hit a pair of Spears to The Wyatt Family!
27. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler comes down with a microphone and tells everyone in the ring that this is his year. Number 27 is the most coveted position as more people have won the Rumble from this spot than any other. He smashes Batista with the microphone and unloads punches on The Animal! Dolph with a Superkick to Barrett and a Zig Zag to John Cena! 10 superstars are left in the ring with 3 more to make their entrance.
28. Seth Rollins
The Architect of The Shield is here and he joins Roman Reigns as they go face to face with Wyatt and Harper! Electricity in the air folks! Things break down; Bray and Roman fight in the corner as Harper drops Rollins with a clothesline! John Cena hoists Luke Harper up and sends him to the floor with an AA!
John Cena eliminates Luke Harper
Bad News Barrett sneaks up and dumps Cena from the ring! John Cena is eliminated! Revenge for The Nexus at last!
Bad News Barrett eliminates John Cena
29. Sheamus
The Celtic Warrior imediately Brogue Kicks Shelton off the apron!
Sheamus eliminates Shelton Benjamin
Everyone fights as the clock counts down for our final entrant.
30. Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman
Now we know what Triple H gifted Paul Heyman earlier! The Beast enters the ring and F5's Bad News Barrett to the floor!
Brock Lesnar eliminates Bad News Barrett
Dolph Ziggler jumps on Brock's back and tries to choke him out but Lesnar reverses into an F5 position! Lesnar sends Dolph flying over the ropes!
Brock Lesnar eliminates Dolph Ziggler
Lesnar now targets Batista and hits a series of shoulder blocks in the corner. He picks The Animal up for an F5 but Batista fights out and clotheslines Brock out of the ring!!!
Batista eliminates Brock Lesnar
Brock is in shock along with the announcers and everyone in the arena. He starts pacing around the ring as Batista sets Bray Wyatt up for a Batista Bomb. Lesnar shoves the referee to the ground and slides back in the ring, tossing Batista out!
Brock Lesnar eliminates Batista
Lesnar smashes Batista with the steel steps and then F5's The Animal through the announce table! We're down to five as Rollins and Punk fight on the apron until Punk hits a GTS! Rollins crumbles unconscious to the floor!
CM Punk eliminates Seth Rollins
The final four of the 2014 Royal Rumble: CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt, and Roman Reigns. Punk and Bryan entered at number 1 and 2. Incredible accomplishment for them. Roman Reigns Spears Daniel Bryan and then sidesteps Bray Wyatt, sending him flying from the ring!
Roman Reigns eliminates Bray Wyatt
CM Punk hits a GTS on Reigns and all three men are down. Triple H walks down to the ring and rips his jacket off. Kane follows behind him. Punk pulls himself to his feet as tells them to bring it. Randy Orton RKO's CM Punk out of nowhere! The WWE Champion soaks in the boo's as he and Kane throw CM Punk out! "This is bullshit" yells the fans and JR agrees!
Randy Orton and Kane eliminate CM Punk
Triple H smiles and grabs the sledgehammer. Orton and Kane hold Daniel Bryan as HHH charges with the hammer ---- Roman Reigns Spears Triple H! CM Punk pulls Orton from the ring and they brawl into the crowd! Daniel Bryan takes Kane out with the YES+ Knee! With everyone out of the equation, Reigns and Bryan get three minutes of back and forth action, a proper finish to the Rumble. Reigns gets locked in a triangle choke but shows tremendous strength, lifting Bryan up and over the ropes! Bryan holds onto Roman and drags him over with him! They battle on the apron until Bryan viciously kicks Roman in the head! Reigns falls to the floor! Daniel Bryan wins the 2014 Royal Rumble!
Daniel Bryan eliminates Roman Reigns
Winner of the 2014 Royal Rumble: Daniel Bryan
Fireworks explode as Daniel Bryan leads the fans in a YES chant and points at the Wrestlemania sign.

Cover Art <<Previous Start Next >>
GLOSSARY This links to a post on the free section of my Patreon. Note: "Book 1" is chapters 1-59, "Book 2" is chapters 60-133, "Book 3", is 134-193, "Book 4" is CH 194-(ongoing)
When the three teens got up the next morning, they ate quickly before turning their attention back to the instrument.
With the soundboard ready enough, Derek's next task was to collect the string posts and such from some of the scrapped stringed instruments, but to do no more than clean them up if needed and set them aside for later.
While he was doing that, Shizoku was using one of the better instruments in the shop to make sure that Fuyuko had a solid concept of scales and octaves. During this, the luponi couldn't help but ask "Ya should be able ta hear as well as me, why are ya tryin' ta have me figure this out?"
"Well," the kitsune replied, "there's a few things involved. First, I have paid a lot more attention to my magical senses than my physical ones, so while my ears might be able to physically hear as well as yours, my mind isn't as attuned to working with that information. You have been used to pushing yourself to make the most of every sound." She hesitated a moment before adding, "There's something else involved with that, but I think it's best if someone more experienced teaches you, which Mordecai is probably going to do, so I am not going to even tell you what it's about. I just don't want you to think I hid something from you later."
After Fuyuko gave a slightly confused nod, Shizoku continued. "I am also giving you just enough information for you to get certain key concepts down. Once I do that, we can hunt for a fresh set of notes without the bias of the rest of my training. You'll understand when we are done."
Once she was satisfied with the taller girl's understanding, Shizoku began the next stage of the process. "Okay, now this instrument over here has some adjustable positioning with its tuning knobs, and we have some other pieces that were also still being prototyped. Fuyuko, what I want you to do is find a new note. We have a bunch of strings of different types, so you can play with it with different sounds. So you hunt down a note that you like, no, love. Deep or high or somewhere in between, it doesn't matter. Once we have a single note to work with, we can scale up or down as needed to get the matching ones, the only limitation is that it has to be a note Derek can hear. The notes I showed you are the notes I know, but technically a scale can be based on the harmonies of any frequency. Since you don't know all the systems that already exist, and you have really good hearing, you should be able to pick out a clean frequency to start with."
After Fuyuko got a hang of tuning strings, Shizoku had Derek follow her out of the workroom. "I don't want to disturb her concentration, and I don't want our reactions to influence her. I'm sure she's heard plenty of music before, but I doubt she's heard as much well-performed music as you have, so she won't know what sounds are supposedly wrong."
While Fuyuko was occupied, the pair explored the witch's island more, poking their noses into any unlocked buildings other than the main house. Some of them were storage, and some were other types of workshops. Shizoku wasn't certain if the wreck of an alchemy lab was the result of visitors or of Carmilla's own experiments, and decided it was best to not ask. But there were a lot of notes and a few books, so she decided to start browsing them and copying any new information she found. She also wrote on a couple of them to correct anything she saw that was clearly wrong.
Once the fox girl got distracted by her studies, Derek decided to practice channeling his elemental abilities more. The swamp was a fascinating mix of different types of elements and different ways elements could be seen. The concept of 'mud' was complicated enough that he was beginning to see it as its own thing, distinct from earth and water.
And then there was the way in which 'air' could be trapped in the muck, and even the more liquid stuff could prove difficult for air bubbles to escape readily. None of that was good quality air, at least, not if you needed to breathe, but it was air. Sort of.
He walked along the wooden walkways that wound around the island, probing as far as he could with his senses. Holding on to this state was tiring, but it was easier to keep doing this exercise when there was something new and interesting to puzzle out. He wasn't trying to manipulate or adjust anything right now, that seemed like a bad idea to mess with Carmilla's island, but there was enough here that was simply different from what he'd seen before to keep him occupied for a while.
So when Fuyuko had found the note she wanted to work with, she had to spend more time fetching her friends before they could continue. "So, as I was playin' with the notes, I kinda remembered some old songs my ma used ta sing ta me. They didn't sound the same as the songs people liked, and they ain't in common, so I ain't sung them in a long time, but I tried ta remember them as best I can, and then I figured out some strings that sounded like I remembered. I think these can work as part of a scale."
Shizoku was satisfied with the results. "It's not on any of the scales I know. Very good Fuyuko. Um, and maybe when we are done here, we can hear those songs. Now for the hard part. We have to find the harmonies. More specifically, we have to find the harmonies and how to create them with the available strings. This is going to be a lot of work, and most of it is still going to be based on Fuyuko's hearing, so our part is to make sure she has as many available strings and ways of adjusting them as possible."
It took several days in fact, including marking sections on the strings that could be used to change to a different harmonic note. Part of this was to create a lot of options, which they were going to need. Shizoku took a lot of notes during this, and Derek eventually had to go back to town to barter for some more strings. They had a lot more than they were going to use in the final product, but there were so many more possible notes than Derek had realized. And the tiny fox organizing their efforts was being perfectionist about having every possible option available. She'd also added "precise distance measuring tools" to his shopping list.
In the end, Derek had what she wanted, but he was pretty certain that he'd overpaid in at least one barter. At least he'd been able to get some more food supplies. The meals Udup got for them were fine, but a little repetitive and boring, so it was nice to get a change of pace. He also made sure to collect the items they had been storing in their room so that they didn't have to lug them around the swamp, as they had a place to stay on the witch's island.
And during all this Bip was amusing itself by learning to vibrate in tune with the various notes, and even showed off by making waves on its surface that matched the sound. Shizoku looked a little confused when she passed on what her familiar said, but to Derek that felt like an insight he needed to work on with his air attunement.
When their taskmistress was satisfied with their options, it was time to create the layout for their instrument. "We need a piece of wood the same size and shape as our instrument. We're going to figure out the best string order for what we want. This is going to involve a lot of moving things around, so we want to do the work here, and then copy that to the actual instrument when we are done."
This part went a lot faster but it still took most of a day to design their layout, and the next morning was used for their final assembly.
The instrument had a total of twenty-six strings, two octaves of thirteen notes each, with more notes available based on which of the raised ridges one pressed down on while plucking the string. Even with the tools that Derek had bought, measuring with enough precision was hard, but thankfully the tuning posts were all made to be used in experimental instruments so were easy to adjust.
After they had lunch, they got Carmilla to examine their work. "Huh," she murmured as she plucked each string, "yeah, that is a new sound. And this thing is cool, I need to find a name for it. Alright, you guys pass this stage, and with flying colors." She giggled, "Miss Kazoo says you did that the way hard way. It was thorough, but you should have been able to do it with about a third the work or less."
Shizoku scowled and said, "Well, she may have had a lot of music training, but I have had only so much, so I wanted to be sure I didn't miss anything." And then she blinked, "Wait, 'Kazoo'?"
Carmilla coughed. "Oops. I'm getting a scolding now from Mordecai. Um, maybe don't use that? Anyway, you guys did a great job and put a lot of creative and physical effort into this. That adds up, you know? So with this and all the other stuff you guys did before coming here, I only get to ask you for one more task. I want you to put on a performance for me. And I want it to include that instrument. You can practice with this one, Kazue will make a copy that is a bit more stable for the performance and for me to keep."
That elicited groans from the entire group, but Shizoku rebounded quickly. "Wait, I have an idea. Um, I think we need a couple of days of practice, and we need a drum as well."
The plan was pretty straightforward. Fuyuko was going to sing the songs she could remember, and teach them to Shizoku and Derek while also doing her best to play the notes on their new instrument. She wasn't really going to be very proficient at it in only a couple of days, but they were able to work out the simplest arrangement that would go with her songs.
Derek's job was to maintain a steady beat on the drum and sing along with the chorus of the song. Not knowing the language that Fuyuko was singing in made this part harder.
Shizoku's job was to adjust one of the dances she knew to the timing of Fuyuko's song. She even dug into one of her expanded space bags to bring out a very fancy looking kimono and a pair of fans that could be used to create a sharp snapping sound, which could be used to contrast the low sound of the drum that Derek was playing.
The resulting performance was far from professional. Fuyuko only had a small pattern of notes she could reliably reproduce while singing, and they were somewhat spread out as she couldn't play fast at all. Shizoku's fan dance also didn't really match the feel of the song despite the adjustments she tried to make, and Derek's reproduction of the chorus was far from perfect.
But they put sincere effort into it, and Carmilla was satisfied. "Oh, that will be a great start, and I think I am going to like playing this. Thank you, I think you three have put more real effort into this than most of the adults have. Oh, they have a special gift for you Fuyuko, they say you should have it now." A small book appeared in her hands, which she handed over to Fuyuko. "Part of the dungeon magic means they learned that language when you sang it. This is a copy of every song you sang and a translation. The writing for the original is sounded out using the common alphabet, they don't have a writing sample to learn the original script from. Um, they also think you should wait to read it until you guys are settled in for the night. I'll let you three through the swamp tomorrow, and you can collect your big prizes when you get to the end."
The reason for waiting became clear to Fuyuko when she did start reading later that night, and she began crying. "I remembered the words and the sounds, but it's been so long that I didn't really remember the meaning. They were lullabies. They were my clan's lullabies."
Shizoku and Derek did their best to comfort their friend, but her tears were both of pain and of joy. She was very happy to have this small bit of her past restored to her, even if the translations showed she'd forgotten a verse or two. She was going to do her best to remember them all and make sure they were written down.
She was much calmer by morning, and the three collected themselves and set off to make their way to the briar wall that blocked off the exit to the level. The passage through went fine, but the corridor after was not the straight path Fuyuko had expected. It was blocked off, and there was a single stair way splitting off from the corridor. "Um, guys. That's supposed ta be the way we go, it goes ta a big room ta watch the arena from. That's, um, one of the stairs down to the arena."
They didn't know what to make of this and made their way down very cautiously.
Mordecai was waiting for them, along with several bunkins and kobolds. "So, who is up for an optional bonus challenge?" He asked them with a grin.
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Also to be found on Royal Road.
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$3. : 10 Early chapters, lore excerpts $5. : 20 Early chapters, Short Stories $10 : 30+ Early chapters, New stories not published anywhere else (Until after I finish this story at least) . . . . . "A Girl and Her Dungeon", "The Celestine Fox", and AU Core 1: "Coreless"

TL;DR Just like the title states, Effexor side effects kicking in after over a year of use, and I'm feeling frustrated.
I am currently on a dosage of 150mg.
For some backstory, I was on 75mg of Sertraline/Zoloft for about 3 years. I got diagnosed with ADHD, started taking Vyvanse, realized that my anxiety was caused by my uncontrolled ADHD and wasn't experiencing it anymore but instead was suffering from increased depression. My family doctor switched me to Effexor, and it was game changing for me.
I had been on 75mg of Effexor for about year, with no real side effects, except for the very rare and mild night sweats, and my periods being slightly longer (days bleeding) than normal and slightly closer together. I recently got a referral to a psychiatrist after years of asking my family doctor for one, and was placed in a 10 week/6 appointment outpatient medication clinic at my local hospital. During this time, my meds were increased to 70mg for Vyvanse (was already on 50mg in the morning and got an extra 20mg for mid-morning/lunch time) and 150mg for Effexor. At first the med increase was going really well, and during my time with my psych I had no issues to report on all my check ins.
Of course, now that I am finished with the psych, I am having problems and thinking this dose isn't right for me. This is an issue because my whole reason for asking for a psych referral is because my family doctor is extremely dismissive and unhelpful.
I have always had issues with incredibly painful periods, and I knew after lurking this sub that my periods would most likely get worse, but I was willing to deal with that if it meant the medication was effective. Well.. My cycle which was always incredibly regular before starting Effexor (27/28 days, 4 days max of period) has now switched to 24-25 days, 5-7 days of period while I was on the 75mg dose. I have had 3 cycles since my dose increase, and this month would be my 4th, however my period is late? I am (for some reason) on cycle day 30, with no chance of being pregnant as I previous had both my fallopian tubes removed, and I also didn't have intercourse in my fertile window. And despite having PMS and cramping all last week and feeling like my period would start at any second... my period is still no where in sight. I haven't had a period be this late or a cycle reach 30 days since before I started this medication, in 2022.
On top of that - THE NIGHT SWEATS. They have come on so suddenly, and its making me unable to sleep at night. I wake up 1-2 times a night, at least 5-6 times a week completely drenched to the point I have to change clothes and go sleep on the couch. I have never been an overly sweaty person to begin with, and I find that I am usually in the sweat zone when I fall asleep after waking up in the middle of the night. I've also never really had trouble sleeping, so this is all strange to me and I don't even know where to start with telling my doctor.
What do I do? Do I try and switch medications AGAIN? This is so frustrating for me because up until the side effects started happening, this was the most effective medication I have taken. But unfortunately soaking the bed nightly and now the weirdly late period is making me concerned.
Nothing at all has changed in my day to day life and I'm just getting absolutely bodied from a dose increase months later. WHY.

People have been saying it is a pain when a creator takes a LoRA off Civitai and you lose track of details on how to use it well, like the trigger words (if any).
The trigger words or tags are stored inside the LoRA and can be extracted with a number of tools. Here's a Python program I wrote to output the tags and their frequency in raw json. Redirect it to a file or let it output to the screen and you can just read them.
Tested on a few lora then found it didn't work on all of them. Oh well.

PS D:\loras> py gettriggers.py --input 'oil painting.safetensors' --triggers
[!] There was a problem opening the file 'oil painting.safetensors'. Are you sure it exists?
May sure you use the proper file extension.
PS D:\loras> py gettriggers.py --input Woman_life_actions.safetensors --triggers
{"img": {"she puts on lipstick": 37, "in front of a mirror": 37, "wiping her mouth": 13, "putting on tights": 23, "writings": 5, "licking her lips": 10, "extreme closeup": 7, "closeup": 3, "adjusting hair": 28, "adjusting lock of hair": 14, "biting lips": 10}}
PS D:\loras> py gettriggers.py --input 'Real_Mirror_Selfie.safetensors' --triggers
{"img": {"mirror selfie": 163, "1girl": 161, "holding smartphone": 80, "underwear": 75, "panties": 72, "topless": 48, "navel": 86, "long hair": 97, "brown hair": 38, "indoors": 67, "covering breasts": 7, "breasts": 126, "sitting": 20, "bathroom": 46, "nipples": 94, "necklace": 7, "jewelry": 34, "sink": 21, "counter": 1, "holding cellphone": 55, "underwear only": 28, "medium breasts": 52, "black panties": 13, "slightly obscured face": 24, "perfect girl": 8, "mirroredge": 85, "blonde hair": 39, "tattoo": 11, "clothes lift": 12, "spread legs": 4, "pussy": 13, "panties removed": 1, "fully obscured face": 13, "ass": 25, "barefoot": 19, "bed": 6...

https://pastebin.com/Ec1Psf9V

I broke up with my long distance partner of three years. I used to share everything with them. We would text almost every day.
I don't have many friends. One of them in real life and one of them online. Neither of them are close enough to consider my best friend.
My family didn't know about my partner because they wouldn't have been supportive of us. they are controlling and abusive and they would have tried to separate us sooner.
Everything now reminds me of my ex. It's only been a few days. but I realize now just how alone I am. I knew it before too, but I didn't want to fully admit it to myself. It's obviously partially my fault that I don't have any friends. I am not good at socialising. But often times I am way too depressed to even try. The point is that I am alone right now. I don't have anyone to confide my pain in. I can talk to both my friends about it a little bit. But truly open up or ask for their support beyond wanting them to answer my text from time to time? I am not actually close enough with either of them.
I am alone. I am truly alone. The only thing I'm still holding onto is my religion. Beyond that, I am alone. I don't really have anyone else to talk to. The people I do talk to I cannot fully open up to. I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and I am so alone. I miss them but we cannot be back together. I am floating and I am heavy and hollow and it burns.

I found out I was having an ectopic on April 9, had MTX shots on April 10. My HCG progressively was going down real well, I went from some 3800 to 47 (last blood test was like a week ago). All of a sudden, 2 days ago, which was month and some weeks after the MTX, I was at the mall alone and COULDN’T walk anymore. Belly started cramping like I was in labour, I couldn’t sit nor stand and I was just crying in the damn mall by myself. I wiggled slowly into the first store I saw and tried to explain that I needed an ambulance cause I couldn’t bear the pain.
Of course, when I tried to explain that I was having an ectopic and that I was worried I was rupturing, nobody knew what the hell i was talking about. Long story short, paramedics finally came and I left with the ambulance (side note that just added onto how scared I was: one of the paramedics actually asked me “what is HCG?”).
Stayed in the hospital for like 48h. Turns out they are pretty sure I didn’t rupture, although they saw that there was a ton of blood in my stomach. They think that my ectopic burst and bled, but that it did not rip my tube. Instead, it seems it bled out of the gaps that are in between my left ovary and the fimbriae. The pain is tolerable with the painkillers they gave me, but I can barely move. The sun is shining out here, I can’t even go outside, everything is pissing me off about my life right now and my morale is just down to the ground at this point. I am so fed up of all of this :(
As I’m writing all of this, I’m actually feeling guilty of complaining as I guess I’m lucky I didn’t rupture and I know so many on this sub have endured even worse pain than this. I’m sorry if this triggered anybody and I really don’t mean to bring anybody any pain in any way, especially cause I know that the people on here are already going through it. I don’t even know how to feel I’m just in despair and tired and angry at my body. Just venting and looking for some moral support if anybody has the energy.

Usually if it’s one day out of the week I’m fine with waiting until after work to give my chain some attention. But the forecast for Monday-Wednesday is rain so I’m thinking about taking my car but I really don’t want to. My commute is about 8 miles each way.
Should I switch to a wet lube? I’ve read from reviews wet lubes can be a real pain to remove though. Can anyone recommend a wet lube that isn’t crazy hard to take off? I have only been using dry lubes since I’ve had this bike for the last 700 miles so I’m still pretty new.

FIRST OF ALL MUSIC
My inspiration came from u/SpartanSpock post on Worldbuilding, who did the same thing, but i'm gonna copy my comment i posted there with changes
For those who don't know, EXPY is a character, who the author based on someone, either real, fictional or historical, but since my world is one big expy(Lornhemal's cultures are copies of real world cultures with some tweaks), i'm gonna go wiht some of my favorites and the most obvious
I HAVE A LOT OF EXPIES, so i'm gonna get some of my favorites, from easiest to guess to probably the hardest. So I'm gonna lay down their basic descriptions
Göts, A Mercenary Swordsman, who became famous for besting very tough knight in a combat, known for wearing black armor and carrying largest sword in the world, then becomes one of Erika's lackeys, who helped her gain more power(by defeating bandits and stuff like that) and obtain her lordship of Gradsko
Wlad I. An Eastern Batrianic's Empire's warlord, master of the Black Wolves(Knightly order originally founded to repell Eastern Tribesmen), who decided to become his own king, famous for his cruelty and savagery. He was successful for a while, then heart attack killed him and half of his army got destroyed by earthquake.
Sir Loxley, a nobleman, who goes against all law and seeks to keep the corrupt and greedy officials in line, very strong bowman, taught Vigviid I.(Main Protagonist of 2nd crisis saga, soon to be Tsar, who was sent to Western empire by his uncle to be raised while he went to end Civil war(Also known as 2nd Crisis of the 16th century)) how to plan battles. Friendly but not nice, harsh but careful, strict but with reason to be.
Kiš Zabaru, a mad king who slaughtered every slave child in his kingdom in order to avoid destiny fulfilling some nonsensical destiny, for which Thorik(Main villain of 2nd crisis saga: Batrian IV's story, and the man who started it) razed the entire city of Kish became punished for his crimes.
Erika Keszek, a vengeful lady, who was seeking a way to get revenge on her mother for her crimes and thus was willing to do everything, even literally bathing in blood of the innocents. She found her hideout in form of abandoned castle of Gradsko, where she practiced all sorts of blood sorcery to discover her mother, only to find out her mother is gonna be executed. When she returned, her reign of terror continued, this time she became obsessed with eternal youth, then she was killed by 3 of her men(2 didn't make it out, 3rd one was her lover Ion, who then died of rusty nail poisoning him), who realized she's gone mad
Ó Sterey, Gallowglass warrior, Ó Belay's best friend, man of average stature, blonde hair and moustache, very clever fighter, his favorite weapons are javelins and Sword, very friendly and like his friend, very good company when near children, taught Vigviid how to fence and fight with sword
Ó Belay, Another Gallowglass warrior, Ó Sterey's best mate, tall man, who carries large sword, red moustache, big belly but very strong, even in melee hes dangerous, but overall very friendly, especially towards Children. Taught Vigviid how to fight against other weapons like Axes, maces or shields
Hugo the Shadowhair, an assassin who was hired to kill Vigviid,only to kill Loxley and 15 other men, while he almost killed Vigviid and his remaining friends, he bled to death before doing a striking final blow at one of them(Specifically Mabyn, Vigviid's older tomboy cousin), wears black leather armor, armed to the teeth(Has 2 swords, 3 daggers, 1 long sharp chain, and carries drugs that nullify his pain), fast in attacks, brutal in combat, has no mercy towards anyone who draws a sword against him. His first appearance is him sitting in the pub, some drunk disturbs him, and Hugo slams Drunk's face to the table, killing him. Rest of the Drunk's friends come in and want to kill him, when guard steps in, Hugo pays the Barkeep, and leaves behind 8 brutally mutilated men.
Morhun Van Hausern. Son of a former king of central Batrianic empire, then prime minister, and then Tsar Batrian IV. Brown curly hair, very handsome man, Very good company to be around, ace in horseriding, fencing is his poetry, very charismatic, even the ladies want him, but he has one secret that may have caused his doom: Hes a Homosexual, which resulted in his rival, Thorsenn Knärsen(Spoiled son of the villain Thorik Knärsen), who shot him in the back due to a petty revenge(Morhun insulted his pride), and because LGBT people are considered "Freaks" by the Batrianics(yes, Batrian IV was bit of a homophobe(IE. may criticize you for your Sexuality, but won't be hostile unless theres a reason, besides, Morhun was his son, and if theres one thing Batrian IV can't stand, its the thought that someone might hurt his family, which is why his morality was slowly dropping after his son's death)).

Congrats on choosing and making it into NUS Business School! I previously wrote here: https://www.reddit.com/SGExams/comments/118r7cg/all_about_studying_business_in_nussmuntu/ on what are some factors when considering between NUS, SMU and NTU business school. For better or worse, you'll be stuck here for the next 4 years so here's some broad advice on making the best out of it.
1. Put in effort to draft out your own Study Plan; Future you will thank you
What is a study plan? Essentially, it's an outline on what modules you'll be taking throughout your 4 years in University. Especially for a business student, a study plan should go beyond "what majospecialization/double majominor". Yes, figuring what major (or majors) that you want to eventually take is the first step. The next step is also considering whether you intend to take a gap semester (i.e. leave-of-absence) to do internships (which is becoming increasingly more common place; maybe not 1 gap sem but possibly even 2!). The unfortunate truth is that many biz student realize late in Year 2/3 that they might not be as competitive as their peers and usually then seek out LOA internships and end up delaying their graduation (whether its a good or bad thing is debatable). Besides gap semesters for internships, there are student who do credit bearing internships (which counts for some credits/MCs) or even do a part-time internship during the semester while studying (Do modules on Mon and Tues, FT work of Wed, Thurs, Fri). Not every student get's their desired summer internships, and often student have to compensate by applying for Off-Cycle LOA internships.
In your study plan, you would also have to take into consideration possibly going on overseas semester exchange or even the 6M to 1 Year long NOC program if you're interested! Overloading more modules earlier in your Uni (Y1 and Y2) gives you more flexibility to adapt to changes in the future. Of course, you need to gauge yourself whether you're able to cope with the workload. (Overloading in earlier sems, mean being more free in later sems to do internships/explore other modules or minors).
Additionally, most higher-level modules have pre-requisites (mostly ACC1701). If you delay taking these pre-requisite modules, your whole study plan can be delayed by a semester. My advice is to take ACC1701 (and consequently FIN2704) earlier rather than later, because these two mods open up the other majors/specializations available to you. You'll also figure out whether you'll want to to take the finance major after taking these two modules.

1. CCAs

There's a ton of CCAs available NUS-wide or Business School related. I strongly encourage you to take multiple CCAs (importantly taking into consideration what you can manage and your workload) so that you're able to meet new people and learn new skillsets. NUSC/RCs/Hall activities also count here. The unfortunately truth is that portfolio does matter in business school, and simply being good in academics (which can be competitive in itself) isn't enough. Your GPA/CAP allows you to have your foot in the door; your portfolio and experience allows you to enter it. Consulting CCAs in general are great an improving your eye for aesthetic and detail which I recommend. You'll be surprised that many biz kids are outright bad and atrocious at making PowerPoint slides even at Year 4... I would say that the CCAs you join do shape your uni experience in a large way.

1. Group Mates

Find good friends and group mates! Those in NUSC/RCs/Halls have an easier time for this. For most of your basic core 1k modules, you group is usually randomized and you have no say on who you're working with. It is during these randomized group that you'll figure out the pain of having poor group mates, and things get worse if you're taking higher level and tougher modules alone. On this note, try to find friends that will do various modules together with you! Having friends doing the module together with you is a huge advantage, from extra resources, dead line reminders, doing quizzes/tests together etc. 5 brains working on a problem set is always better than 1 brain by itself, these 5 ppl will often get a better grade than the one hardworking individual working alone. Implicitly, those who stay on campus have a huge edge over those who don't.

1. Business is ultimately not a technical degree

Controversial to some, but business school at the end of the day doesn't really teach you much. The only thing that it does teach is showmanship (and even then sometimes not taught well enough). Business School arguably teaches you how to carry yourself well, make fancy PowerPoints, use some excel, working with people (?) etc. Many of the more relevant things you learn, you learn them in your internship and your own experiences outside of the classroom e.g. CCAs. To me, doing well in Biz School is focusing on everything outside of academics (ensuring that you have some baseline CAP/GPA).
5. Figure out early whether you prefer Excel or Power Point.
The corporate world only runs on two applications, Excel and Power Point. Dabble in both, figure out early which application you prefer more and find a relevant internship/role/job that you enjoy decently that uses one over the other. Truly, Excel and PPT are the only takeaways when you leave the university. Great consultants are adept at handling PPT, navigating through them quickly with many templates in their desktops. Finance peeps do a little more excel work and have to do them well, fast and creatively. Even at the end of uni, there are still many students who can't use excel proficiently at a high level.
6. Internship Hell is real for those who care
Internship application period in itself can be a full-time commitment (for those that care). When internship applications open, you can be going through your own interview prep, doing several recorded interviews, applying to new internships etc. Many moving parts to juggle and a lot of ground work to be done. From preparing for interview questions, writing cover letters, tailoring your CV etc alot of the hell you experience in Biz school actually comes outside of academics contrary to popular belief (as Jean-Paul puts it, "hell is other people", bad group mates im looking at you). For those applying to more technical roles, you might also need to prep extra for technical questions e.g. IB 400 questions, consulting cases, market sizing brain teasers etc.
7. Not so much of an advice, but rather a plea from me to you
I really hope business students can be more code literate and savvy i.e. being able to read (and to a lesser extent implement) coding e.g. python or SQL. ~90% of the biz population are code illiterate (having only taken just 1 "coding module"). In a normal corporate workplace, you'll never have to code. But being able to think computationally, knowing the steps you can take to automate your task, time and workflow brings you more benefits than you can imagine when most corporate work that people do are typically administrative.
In conclusion, do your best in biz school. I think effort correlates strongly to how well you do here. You don't need to be smart (it makes life easier) but with enough forward thinking and future planning, you'll be able to grow through the next 4 years (and hopefully be worth it).
Feel free to ask any question in the comments, or for any seniors to elaborate and share their own experience! Left out a lot of controversial views not wanting to trigger anyone or NUS. Edit: I'm a graduating student from Biz, later they dont let me grad how? jk
Some extra links:

1. An event calendar regularly updated by NUS Careers, usually has lots of interesting and relevant events, competitions, webinars (if that's your thing): https://nus.edu.sg/cfg/events
2. Grading rubrics to apply for SEP, there is an actual rubrics to secure an SEP, please refer for those wanting to go: https://bba.nus.edu.sg/wp-content/uploads/sites/37/2019/07/SEP-Place-Allocation-Grading-System-2018-10.pdf

Nature of Humanity Ch 67 A NoP fic
Under Pressure Part 10
A Fanfic of u/SpacePaladin15’s work “The Nature of Predators.” Thank you for the story!
___
Memory transcription subject: Silvera, Factory 13 Manager
Date [standardized human time]: November 4th, 2136
If it wasn't for the clearly artificial sky above my head someone could possibly convince me I was outside in a new park. The neon blue screen with a white dot to represent the sun was nothing like the actual pale gray visage a mile above. Yet, it did have an enjoyable warmth to it.
A smooth artificial wind swept through the saplings ensuring that they would develop healthy stress wood. It also pleasantly cooled the fur of anyone in here, providing a nice little respite from the heater simulating the sun's unbearable hatred of us. Fuck you fake sun!
Any flora used to decorate the park would be exotic to Frozen Mountain, even if it came from the nearby tundra, but my humans decided to do something interesting. While they had covered most of the ground with a soft short-growing Terran clover, they chose to make the rest of the decorative plants functional. All of the saplings were different types of fruit trees that, when mature, would be free for anyone to harvest as much as they want. Even the decorative topiary isn't hardy tasteless plants, but berry bushes that would provide a variety of sweet treats relatively soon.
Agurcorp was more than happy to allow its failed startup out here to be turned into a local park. Well, so long as they didn't have to pay for this expensive mistake of theirs. The Mayor was all too happy with this, especially since my humans were happy to let him have all the credit so long as they got to design the park. With voting season right around the corner, the Mayor that ‘Brought life to this blighted land’ was a shoo-in to get re-elected. Or would be if he also wasn't ‘The idiot who allowed predators into the city.’
With everything that's happened I am still a bit surprised at everyone currently enjoying the park. A small herd of Venlil are exercising in the open field. A family of Gojids are walking along the cobblestone path. All the while, some humans are playing a very weird game of throwing a round plastic plate into chain nets. It's almost as if this city didn't have two separate riots on the same day.
The sound of wheels traveling across a bumpy path caught my attention. I glanced across the way to see an embarrassed-looking John driving an electric wheelchair over to me. His eyes locked onto mine before quickly switching to the ground. He tried to laze in a chair designed to enforce good posture and looked rather silly as he adjusted himself.
He came to a stop just a foot away from where I sat, “Hey Silv… I, uh… I don't actually need the wheelchair but Mikvia threatened to break my legs if I didn't use it, so I'm just humoring her.”
Oh, don't freaking tell me. Why are humans like this… “John… you were hospitalized with a punctured lung. Sure, doctors have some miracles they can perform these days, but you know you shouldn't be stressing yourself by walking.”
He huffed, “Please, I'm fine. Really. It wasn't as serious as everyone is making it out to be.”
I thumped my hind paw against the ground, “John.”
He threw his hands into the air with a huff, “I'm in the damn wheelchair ain't I? Gawd…”
He grasped his nose before calming down, “I apologize. Shouldn't have raised my voice like that. I mean… I am using the wheelchair and not lifting stuff. Doctor's orders. They even said getting out in this park would be fine. Said it might even help!”
We let out a deep sigh together. I hopped down from my bench and back up onto his lap, “Let's go for a ride… while we figure… us out…”
I could see John's guard drop as the exhaustion crept back onto his face, “...alright...” He pressed his controls forward, and we slowly began our first lap of the park.
John wrapped one of his lanky ape arms around me like a fleshy seatbelt and I laid my head on his chest appreciating the contrast of his warmth with the cool artificial breeze. I could have slept like this. The beating of his heart was rhythmic, and his deep breaths sounded a bit like waves washing up on a shore.
I even heard his heart quicken as I cleared my throat, “So… we aren't really dating are we?”
His exhaustion was quickly replaced with unease as he started to fidget a little, “I'm sorry…”
I held his hand and stared into the ocean blue eyes of his, “Don't be sorry. I think we were both drunk when we agreed to go on a date…”
He shook his head, “I still should have said something before then.”
It wasn't like I couldn't have taken the initiative and talked to him sooner too, “I know you were going through a lot. Actually, I know you still are… I'm really only able to guess but… Are you one of the types that thinks Xeno-dating is weird?”
He looked ashamed as he scrambled to smooth things over, “I- No- well, yes- but- it's just… ok. Let me start over… alright… yeah… so… uhm… the thing is… how do I put this… it sounds bad… well, it is bad… it’s just…”
My tail wagged involuntarily at the rather cute display of embarrassment radiating from John. I leaned in and let him have a doey-eyed look to help heap the embarrassment on.
It felt like John tried to stop the next words from rolling out of his mouth, “Sometimes I have trouble thinking of you all as people.”
John came to a complete stop as I just stared at him wide-eyed. My brain struggled to grasp what he was saying and the implications of it. He cringed and covered his face with his hands, “Gawd, that sounds horrible. It's just… It's not as bad with you and the others… I talk to y’all a lot. It's easier for it to click that you are people too.”
I was desperately trying to see this from his angle, “Wha- why does this happen in the first place?”
His hands drug down his face trying to drag the flesh with it, “I think it’s cause you are always naked. Like your back brace helps a little bit, but still everything else is… That and I hear your voice and the chip in my head then gives it meaning. Like its disjointed. Then it's the way your body language works and- and- fuck. Just…. Fuck me man. I don't even think that's all that's wrong with me. It’s just… like you look, sound, and smell like animals. It's just not really what my mind had in place for aliens. So- like- ugh! Why can't I just explain it!?”
It's difficult to explain, but his words connected to a deep sad memory, “It's like everything is just too… slightly wrong…”
It felt like I had been whisked back decades to my own childhood. I could still smell the bleached halls of the Venlil orphanage on Nevis. My heart whimpered when the Sivkits who came to adopt me shuddered with fear and disgust. Their strange voices sounded slow as they spoke a strange version of Klipic. Like hearing a pale imitation of yourself, try and pretend to be just like you.
My eyes locked with his as I carried on “It’s like you look at them and a part of you knows what they are, but your brain just snaps back to… to what you think reality is.”
I could see a glimmer of hope well up with his tears, “Y-you know? I-Iv've felt like such a monster! How can I- How can I look them in the eyes when they took me in and say- say- that I can't see them as people sometimes!? After everything they've done for me?! They want to adopt me and I- I- I can't even!”
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he buried his face in mine. It felt like he could crush me with his arms, yet they held me gently. What was causing me pain was this damn back brace. The blasted thing was trying to force my arms down while it hunched me over. I wiggled out of John's embrace and ripped the freaking thing off and chucked it as far as I could before burying myself in his embrace again.
We held each other as he drew in shuddering breaths and let his emotions flow out. John’s grip eventually began to loosen and we both took a moment to calm down. I gently tugged at the shirt covering John's torso, “So… Us not wearing clothes constantly is… disconnecting for you?”
He nodded his head, “Y-yeah… It’s like… every person I have ever known wears clothes. Animals never wear clothes and at most wear like a collar or harness if someone owns them. Then a few months ago, a bunch of nudist aliens show up and… well, my brain lops them into the animal category and the translator isn't helping.”
I glanced down at my body and suddenly felt… exposed, “So now that I am no longer wearing clothes…”
He cringed, “You look more like a large rabbit thing than a person… when you had the brace on it helped a little, but you were on all fours… When you were wearing your weather suit and had your hood off, It felt like you were a person, just different.”
An idea crossed into my skull, “Ok then… so your brain attaches personhood with a level of nudity, body plan, and familiarity… take your shirt off and give it to me- Don't give me that look! I know you’re male and are far less sensitive about people seeing your nipples. So gimme.”
He begrudgingly took off his shirt, revealing a pelt of fur that caught me off guard. I shook off the confusion as I slipped his shirt overhead and stuck my arms through the sleeves. It immediately tried to slip down my body and off. Mostly due to how large the hole for his head is, but also due to my utter lack of true shoulders. Another gift of my freak mutation. The ability to walk upright as well as sprint on all fours like a fucking Arxur.
I bunched up the collar and knotted it on itself, solving the slipping issue. With a small twirl, I spun in a circle, “So how is this?”
A smile formed on his face, “You look adorable!”
I happily flicked my tail, “Is that girlfriend adorable or pet animal adorable?”
His grin beamed with happy, mischievous energy, “Little sister adorable.”
I stomped my hind paw again, “Wha- why?!”
He held out his arms and I hopped back into his embrace, “Its cause it's my shirt. Jamie would wear my clothes sometimes, and they were so baggy on him, and well… on you that's practically a sundress! … you’d look really nice in like… a yellow sundress with like a straw hat.”
My mind tried and failed to make an image to match his description, “Hrm… well… I wouldn't know where to even start getting a… sundress.”
John carried on like clothes shopping was a normal intergalactic thing, “You would have to go to a tailor and have it custom-made. Like you already had to adjust my shirt cause you don't have shoulders like we or the Gojids do.”
We sat in a comfortable silence as John started the wheelchair back on its path. I almost fell asleep in his arms before I asked, “So… Are we dating?”
John didn't hesitate to bend over and freaking bite the top of my head! I, rather fruitlessly, slapped my paws against his face as fast as I could and only managed to elicit a laugh from him. Jumping up, I got a mouth full of his cheek in my teeth.
I made sure not to crush as I mimicked what he had done to me back, “Ah! The turns! They've tabled! I'm sorry! We're dating! Augh!” I spit out the lump of flesh between my teeth and sat down rather proudly.
It was only then I looked around to see most of the nearby groups staring at us. As well as three silver suited flame whack jobs walking our way. One of them held up his paws to try and seem as big as possible, “YOU! PREDATORS! DON'T MOVE!”
John growled at them, “YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
The trio froze in their steps and reached for weapons they didn't have. The boldest one took another step forward and shouted, “SHUT UP PREDATOR!”
John held his issued jacket up, letting the reflective emblem of the guild shine for all to see, “I WORK WITH YOU NUMB NUTS! I'M JOHN! ADOPTED SON OF YOUR FUCKING CHIEF! RING ANY BELLS?”
The trio halted in their tracks and the most skittish of them turned a one-eighty on their paws and began to walk away. The boldest one’s paws slowly dropped, “J-John?! I- I've never seen you without the mask or artificial pelt… wait! You're supposed to be in the hospital!”
Johns voice grew cold, “They said I could go out around the park so long as I mostly stayed in the chair. If it pleases you, you can talk to Loke. He's right over there with his wife and two kids. I bet he'd be thrilled to learn you three are going around accusing people of being predators.”
The bold moron took a fearful half step back, “D-d-d-d-don't twist my words! You bit her and she bit you back! I have witnesses! That's predatory!”
John leaned back and stroked the fur on my cheek, “No, it’s erotic.”
I could see the gears turning in the bold one's head grind, “What.”
John pressed his lips into my neck, “Ya know… sexy. It’s like… gently grooming your significant other's neck from behind but more playful.”
They looked revolted, “That's disgusting.”
John cocked his head to the side like a confused Gojid, “That’s odd.”
The look of revulsion quickly transitioned back to confusion, “What?”
A smirk grew on John's face as his fingers massaged into the sore muscles on my back, “It's just, that’s exactly what your mom said last night, but she grew to like it.”
I slapped my paws to my mouth to avoid laughing as the rage flared up in the bold one's eyes, “WHAT!?”
I let out a happy purr as John began to work at my sore muscles and utterly humiliate the idiot bothering us, “Yeeeeah. You weren't supposed to find out like this, but I'm your dad now.”
Their ears pinned back in rage, “You're lying to me.”
John waved a hand at our surroundings, “We are in a hermetically sealed park. There is no way for any significantly threatening animal to get in here. You are only here looking for trouble and I assure you, this will be looked into. Go clean your nose and keep it clean. Understood?”
They both tucked their tails, “Understood, sir.”
John nodded his head and calmed his tone, “Dismissed.”
As the trio of troublemakers left, we sat in relative silence as John continued to work away at the stress in my muscles. If you proved this was how humans prepared their food before eating it, I would argue that it's still worth it.
His rough voice messaged my ears, “Hey Silv?”
I stretched and enjoyed the pops my spine made as it took its natural shape, “Hrm?”
A hint of curiosity hung in his voice, “Why did you understand what I meant? Shouldn't… You've lived with aliens being a part of everyday life for… Like… ever right?”
I slumped against John and thought. Dredging up old memories that I almost wished I didn't have, “It was… a very long time ago. My doctor told me I was making up false memories to cover up a traumatic event and make it to where I was normal and everyone around me were the weird ones…”
I could hear John doubt my doctor's claims, “That sounds… fishy.”
Despite John's odd word choice, the meaning still fit perfectly, “It feels like it, but I just have no proof. I swear to you, I remember running along a beach, with my parents on two legs. Every Sivkit I knew as a child walked on two legs. It’s like… well…”
I grabbed John's hand to stop it from distracting me, “One day I woke up, and I was unbelievably cold. I thought I was a corpse. There was this strange… tentacle thing with bulgy eyes standing above me. His words didn't match his lips, but I understood him. It was terrifying.”
“He scooped me up and started running. Said I was in grave danger, and he was going to keep me safe. I didn't trust him one bit. He jumped into some strange ship and told me I had to be very quiet. The bad people would attack us if they heard either of us talking.”
“Eventually, he crashed the ship into something and pulled me out of it. I was surprised to see we had been on a submarine that entire time. That and the sky was the wrong color. I didn't even have an opportunity to think about it as he carried me to a weird looking vehicle that once again surprised me as a giant wall turned into a window.”
“I had never even heard of spaceships before, and I watched as we went up and just moved into space like it was nothing. He tried to calm me down, but he told me my parents were dead. I- just remember sobbing in his tentacles for hours. Eventually, I calmed down enough for him to play with me.”
“For a few days it was just me and him. Then we met up with another ship, and he left that one to drift in the void. He said we were meeting his friend Aylin on Nevis… a Venlil colony not too far from here, actually. I got to meet more aliens on that ship but Kalova- sorry that was the name of the Kolshian who took me out here. Kalova didn't want me to talk about anything to anyone. Said to just say I was his adopted daughter, and he just got a job on Nevis managing the new colony.”
“He never saw it. I didn't know what they were at the time but the Arxur attacked. They were trying to raid the colony and the Gojids and Venlil where desperately trying to protect it. I remember the alarm going off the second the ship’s captain announced we were leaving FTL. Kalova sprinted through the ship carrying me. He placed me in an escape pod just before that terrible lizard spotted us. He pulled the lever and my pod jettisoned down to the surface.”
“I was in that pod for three days before the Venlil found me and put me in an orphanage. Every time I met other Sivkits… they made my skin crawl. There's something wrong with all of them. I swear to you, we Sivkits are supposed to walk on two legs. We also aren't supposed to be that… stupid. Between how they talk being just… off, and the fact what they said was often either retarded or downright wrong, I couldn't ever feel like one of the so-called Grand Herd.”
“Eventually, I aged out. Graduated college, top of my class. And started working out here when they began to rebuild my plant after it burned down. That’s all there… Well, there is more, but It's not actually relevant to your question.”
John leaned down and kissed the top of my head, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
I groomed the tip of his nose in return, “You're welcome. … Hey John?”
I could see a small bit of… hope in the back of his eyes, “Yes Silv?”
“Can you tell me about your past?”
He frowned as memories came back to him, yet he smiled still. “Yeah… it’s not a happy story either.”
I pressed myself into him, “Well… we can both be sad together, at least.”
John's hands began to absentmindedly work through my fur again, “Yeah… That doesn't sound as bad.”
___/\___
Important question, do you want a chapter dedicated to John retelling his story? Or would you like it smash cut out in favor of more of their first real date? I am not sure how I want to do it and am happy with both, so please let me know.
John and Silvera finally had the relationship talk! Woooooo! John's confessed something he'd rather never bring up, but knows he needs to address to start living a happy life with his new family. Aaaaand, It's time for Silvera’s tragic backstory! (Trademark pending). Strange names though, right? Kalova… weird how John's old boss has a missing brother with the same name as an alien Ivan the Arxur knows! And Aylin… strange they share a name with Talen's dead wife! Man that's just weird!
Special thanks to u/JulianSkies for proofreading! Seriously it felt like my eyes were melting out of my skull and your feedback was everything I needed!
___/\___
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Started experimenting with alcohol very young, was drunk and smoking cigarettes before double digits. Growing up in a big family, my parents had drinks every evening and cocktail hour is when everyone came alive, when we would communicate and interact. Booze to me was the oil in the engine. Our large extended family had varying levels of alcohol abuse. Definite vibe that the ones who quit or were in AA had somehow failed the test. The goal was to drink as much as possible, but keep your shit in check.
High school, college, young adulthood… so much assault, pain, bad decisions, bad choices. And so much guilt, anxiety and despair! Asking what the hell is wrong with me?
Married young and had two kids. Stopped smoking and drinking for pregnancy and remember someone telling me it was okay to have a glass and me saying what the hell is the point? I drink to get drunk, one glass will just annoy me.
Onto life of a suburban drunk mom surrounded myself with other “party” families. Always sad or guilty about my behavior so in my 30s went to a psychiatrist who gave me Xanax and told me I was normal. Luckily I hate pills.
40s come kids are teen/pre teen and I just cannot function anymore. Start my attempts at quitting and it becomes obvious that this is a problem. So for my 43 birthday I gave myself the gift of a year sober. It started out as taking a break, but when people pressed me I said it was an experiment to get through a year with no booze. That year i got my barre training certification - never could have done it while drinking.
Year ends and I have done it! I have proved that I do not have a problem with alcohol!!! Flash forward a short week later and it is back to drinking almost every night. Everyone likes me better and I hate myself.
Couple more years, couple more quits and some really creative and pathetic attempts at moderation. Still feeling this is a me problem.
Start reading some quit lit and find Annie Grace. Start reading but put off by the “you can still drink” while you read part so put it down. Then at 48 find myself on a plane with nothing unread on my kindle except this naked mind. Read it, picked my date and it has stuck.
I knew the reaction I got when I quit the first time and knew that I would have to do this alone. Googling resources and found stop drinking. And I felt like I was saved.
No one in my real life wanted me to stop (party pooper), EXCEPT the only two people who matter, my kids. Now young adults they are very happy for me, we talk almost daily and they tell me to forget what other people think, that I am doing the right thing.
When I think about apologizing for my alcohol fueled behavior I get kind of angry. Then only people I have apologized to are my children (and my dogs :)
I am in the NONE group - not one, not ever. I spent years carving deep ruts of addiction in my brain, I was not made for moderation and I know this.
My visual - No matter how far down the road, you are still the same distance from the ditch - I am fully aware where a misstep will lead, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation.
And my favorite- Quitting drinking may not lead to heaven, but it unlocks the doors of hell and lets you out. The idea that rings most true to me. Things will be bad, but they’ll never be hungover bad.
My environment now has not changed much, but I have. I try to stay in my own lane, make choices that other people may be unhappy with when I need to, and to provide an example that having a social life does not require drinking poison.
3 years and I feel like I am just beginning. My brain is continuing to heal, my body is strong and my spirit is grateful. I am really proud of myself, my partner is now proud of me and people comment positively on my age/health/looks. While I try to be kind, i do indulge in a little gloating when people around me are hungover.
If anyone thinks they can’t do this because they are in a codependent drinking relationship, you can. My partner still drinks (less, but…) and it has been very hard. But the contrast, the battle, the having to be a champion for my self - it has been clarifying.
I feel strong and know I am doing the right thing. When my family mocks me, when my friends look at me with pity, when society tells me I am missing out, I say Fuck Off and look to myself, my kids and to SD and know I am in the right place.
Thank you to everyone here, from day one to dinosaur. I have such respect and appreciation for all of the education and support available in SD. IWNDWYT

Hi, I had my first sp Friday evening. I had pain and went to emergency and I thought I am having a heart attack or something. All my vitals were normal and I was almost sent back when they decided to do the x Ray and then things moved real fast.
2 days in I have a drain and I am in hospital. I am a non smoker and have had a clean life sp far. I do have a pectus excavatum. And clubbed fingers both since childhood. I have had frequent lung function tests and heart mri. They are all normal.
Wondering what exactly caused this. No trauma. Wonder how long will the recovery take.

Hey guys, 28 Male here.
About 12 months ago my little one started daycare and brought illness home which I copped for 8 weeks really bad - this led to weeks of constipation which eventually fixed itself after some enemas and senna tablets and fixing diet.
My stomach has fully not recovered and I still deal with constipation every now and then and I feel it may be due to some gluten intolerance (not celiac got tested)
Anyways, 3 weeks ago constipation started again but worse than ever 6th-13th May I've had liquid Type 6/7 stool leak out, either bit by bit throughout day or extremely strong with shit loads. 14th May I did 4 enemas as even tho lots of liquid stool came out I still have been full and bloated. 3 very small harder stools came out. 15th May nothing came out. Now the last 3-4 days have just been more of that liquid stool, like sluggish brown and I havnt seen any hard stool for weeks. Doctor prescribed me a strong amount of Movicol 4 days ago and I've been taking it, hence why it's been liquid stool but nothing solid. I feel extremely full and bloated, physically can see it too. I just did another enema and a lot of liquid type 7 stool just flushed out after a day of 2-3 tablespoon amount of type 6 stool. Also I just tried to put my index finger deep in my rectum and honestly couldn't feel anything, not sure how deep I'm meant to go lol went a few inches deep.
No real pain to complain about other than the bloating discomfort No blood in stool No energy loss No weight loss Can still eat fair amount although I am a little loss of appetite due to the fullness
I have no idea what is going on - I travel in 10 days and need this resolved asap.
I am booking a colonoscopy hopefully I can get in before my travel.
Should I look into a colonics centre and will that help? Do I have a bowel obstruction or intestinal obstruction? Should I go to the ER?
Thanks all - this is the worst shit ever no pun intended

Second throwaway account.
The break up was more nonchalant, there was agreement on both sides that it may be best but I also recognize that both our minds may not have been in the right place at the time.
We're both in vulnerable positions, her more than me. A lot of me regrets not waiting to have "the talk" like she'd offered because I was working. I insisted on "ripping the bandaid off" but did this metaphorical bandaid need to come off? Let alone exist?
She doesn't want to talk right now and I understand why, I feel a part of it is that I didn't put up a "fight" to convince her otherwise. We'd been through something like this before, but we worked through it after spending some time away from each other yet having never broken up and that whole ordeal was entirely my own fault. This time is different, I feel like I had no control over what happened; I was asleep (night shift) when two key events happened this time and I wasn't able to be there for her. After the first event, I had decided to take steps so that I could be there. That process is still on going, scheduling changes at my job take time.
After the second event, I had this dread in the back of my mind... I wasn't there to help her because, again, I was asleep for my night shift. All I could think of was that this may be the very last chance I had to be there in a moment of crisis and, again, I had failed to be there to support her.
I'm torn, she's been my one truly real relationship. One who I didn't see as a quick hookup if I had my "urges". I cared about her, and I felt like she cared about me. I felt secure. I had my moments of doubt but those thoughts were quickly put to rest each time when I spoke to her about it.
I fear that there's a very slim chance at reconnecting with her. I just want the pain to go away, I want her pain to go away. I want to talk it out with her and start over from scratch. Our lives have changed drastically since we'd met. I had a change in career and she had been accepted to uni. The stresses of those changes have been hard to work through together, but we were managing. This new crisis just so happened to break the camels back.