Build cars online

Been in Deliveries/Books for 3 months. I was fine for the first two, now due to medical issues it’s hard to work the amount I am (especially with how rigorous the labor in deliveries is) doing. I asked for a transfer; got told the workaround for “We don’t want to transfer you because we don’t want to hire a new person, but here’s what we’ll do to give you the hope of a transfer IF YOU TRAIN ON LITERALLY ALL OF THE POWER EQUIPMENT” I have expressed multiple times I feel great discomfort training on the lift equipment (I have really bad anxiety, it keeps me from even driving a car). I do not want to be liable for an accident, they have been pressuring me since Day 1 to get trained. Now that I know I more than likely won’t be getting transferred and even if I do it won’t be until September, I’m quitting. I have two interviews tomorrow and I hope to nail either one so that I can leave that hellhole and give my two week notice. The money is not worth my mental health or my physical health. I’m not gonna work somewhere I am treated like dirt because I’m a “universal” employee. They can find someone else to do their dirty work. DO NOT TAKE THE ONLINE ORDER FULFILLMENT POSITION.

Hello! We're 2 people going to Santorini in early September for 3 days. We're not really party people at all, but wanted to go for the architecture/town/views. No car, as we're a bit nervous about driving on the island.
We really wanted to see the views from Oia, but also explore Akrotiri and/or see the red sand beach. Perhaps do the Fira to Oia walk depending on timing.
Originally I wanted to stay in Oia, because the views look so beautiful, particularly the blue and white buildings and church domes. I like the idea of exploring the town and seeing the shops and buildings (typical touristic things). But Imerovigli also looks like it's a lovely alternative, and looks like it might be a better base town if we want to explore the southern areas of the island by bus etc.
If the views etc were important to the experience I wanted, do you think Imerovigli is still a good alternative? It looks like it's a lot more practical for transport reasons, as there are buses here close to Fira, and I'm thinking maybe Oia is a bit overrated? What do you guys recommend? Many thanks!

At 6.45 pm on Saturday 11 May, a man entered a Ronald Drive home and assaulted a male occupant with a wooden stake.
The victim entered his loungeroom after hearing banging noises from the front door and was confronted by the man. The man struck the victim with a wooden stake and then ran from the home. Fortunately the victim was not seriously injured.
Police patrols and dog operations attended the scene but weren’t able to locate the man.
The man is described as being of Caucasian appearance, aged approximately 28 to 35 years old, 175 cms tall with a fit build. The man was wearing a black baseball hat, a black or red shirt, pants and boots.
Police are appealing for information to identify the man and urge anyone with information to contact Crime Stoppers online at https://crimestopperssa.com.au or free call 1800 333 000.
Source: https://www.police.sa.gov.au/sa-police-news-assets/northern-police-district/assault-at-salisbury-east-home

I (21F) have been helping my family since I was much younger with paying bills and basically run the family. I don’t offer financial support because I don’t make enough lol but we’re an immigrant family and my parents don’t know any English. Up until three years ago, my dad managed everything like where the money goes and when to pay everything as I translate everything and deal with the online aspect. But after we bought our first house and I started college, he stopped checking in with me on everything and it became my responsibility entirely where the money goes. We barely get by with what we make and it’s already difficult enough for me to do this on my own, worry about college which has been absolute hell for me and my own part time job. He used to be extremely alcoholic and at some point he actually did completely lose it for a while but now that he’s been sober, he wants to blame all the financial troubles on to me. We did accumulate a lot of debt and it’s because we don’t make enough income to fully pay everything off and because I don’t know how to manage all this. It was too much for me to do without any guidance. One of the worst case scenarios happened, I had the car insurance on autopay. Two payments didn’t go through and I didn’t realize. We didn’t have car insurance for two months and now we need to surrender our plates for the 68 days we were not insured. And it’s entirely my fault for not paying attention to the payments. Can’t fight this either because we had a similar issue with autopay about two years ago which we paid the termination fee for. Everything sucks rn and no matter how much I want to shift blame on this, it’s my fault. I was negligent and careless. I cared more about the free time I had that I could use to play games with my friends than double checking if everything was paid. I can’t live this down, I will be having to hear about this failure almost everyday. I failed to get into nursing and I already hear about that almost everyday. I can’t do anything about this guilt and I can’t go back in time to fix this whole mess that I created.

In California, building code R323.8.1 severely limits where we can install solar batteries inside garages and near windows/entry ways.
Originally I wanted to place them (2 FranklinWH batteries) inside my garage on the right-side wall next to my car. But the codes require my to install bollards which prevents my car from entering the garage, so this is a no-go.
I have about 3 options, on the other side inside the garage or find place outside of my house.
Would love this community's thoughts on the options I have!
Photo of house and overview of the options
First Option: left-wall inside garage
Photo inside garage
I have a triple car garage where the left side is shorter depth where I have a work bench and cabinets. I could tear down the cabinets and place install against that wall.
Pros: Cleanest install away from the outdoor elements. No outdoor conduits needed to run.
Cons: I love storage space inside my garage.
Second Option: Stacked vertically on right wall.
Photo right side of the house
The batteries would be visible from the street and they would also be harder to install due to them being stacked vertically. They would be the most visible. HOA might be an asshole about it.
Pros: Shortest conduit run since its right on the other side of the wall that holds my electric panel.
Cons: Installer may not want to stack them vertically due to these being 500 lbs each. And they would be visible from the street.
Third option Left side of the house
Photo where batteries would go Complicated conduit options
If I place them on the other side of the house, I may need to relocate the fence 1-2 feet to the left due to building codes limiting the proximity to the windows.
This also has the most complicated conduit option which the installer may charge extra for or may not do a good job of. Running it through the attic is probably something they don't want to do.
Pros: Batteries are not visible from the street and I don't loose any storage inside the garage Cons: Difficult install with complicated conduit work
My preference: from a design and aesthetic perspective, I think they would look the nicest inside my garage on that left wall. I would loose storage but I could always add more storage racks above it.
The original alternate plan was to stack them vertically on the right-wall on the outside. But the installer claims its against warranty to stack them like that (my direct franklin rep said its fine though).
But I also see the appeal to having it on the left path of my house, I don't use that space at all and it would be nice out of the way. I'm just very worried about the aesthetics of the conduits.
For context, my designed system:

• 2x FranklinWH batteries (27 kWh storage)
• 40x REC Alpha Pure-R 420 panels (16.8 kw system size)
• 40x Enphase IQ8X micro inverters.

Hello, I've recently bought a 2019 508 saloon (model year 2020). It came equipped with quite a few options, pretty cool. I have the standard cruise control though but I've noticed that the hardware I need for adaptive cruise control is already on the car so it's just not activated in the software. So that's the question, is there some way I can activate that and possibly more options. Couldn't really find anything useful online though. Thanks.

Hi I'm just little girl from Asia come along with the unsuccessful of life and relationship family ya come with broken heart and fuck up feeling mind messy soon will get 🤣 .try to find some space that I can out my feeling can say from the bottom of my feeling 😑 thank you for Reddit finily find spot ,I'm not good at write and my economy English I'm not a written so if any of my annoying or any my mistake apologies first at here🙏🙏 what the target of life?what ur target of life?I never know what is the target of life .make money build house car family?? I think is too simple for me ,all I can do by my self I was an strong girl from young until now , fighting life by my self some times in relationships but most are the same with sad ending , starting in love got a level 1-2-3 or strong relationship 4 until forever ,all are same whoever told me not same at the ending is same ,level 1 very happiness I 1 u 1 sweeties ever never care anything's .Level 2 👉 get slow motion Abit .not really sweet just so so ,ask do or help wat just reply WAIT ... Level 3🔥 start qural some got fighting no more promotion ,ask do favor NNona you won't get any help at all or maybe got but very slow motion until jam ady to get up and help you favor .make each other borling become think of give up on relationship it so hard and tired borling no happiness and sweet romance anymore ,all same like dreaming happiness just awhile .some too love too hurt to hard to leave eveydays must suffered self and damn!! Relationship is the things that can't really talk and share out to anyone so eveydays keep keep coz can't put down the bad relationship I can understand this point that ,even know is suffer but still go ( coz the day Begin until now was not easy and not just break wids that awhile then no smell,eveytings narmal , I can say mostly relationship I heard and happen to me all are selfish maybe have 2% are geltman .but that times also young don't know how to cherish the good one ,times to times pass by are teaching me alot of things and yes I have learned alot too ,learn until when I will have that happiness again ??? Have narmal life and trust...next ep I want come talk about trust ..

I know it's my own fault, but I was really on the fence for the price and was only convinced after seeing others play on the media build. Little did I know that being 1 day late meant I wouldn't get any of the preorder stuff or access. Really put me back on the other side of the fence. So I'm venting online about it.

I've wanted a tesla for years now and I actually have the money to comfortably afford one now. Lo and behold though, as I've saved over the years, Tesla leadership/Elon decided to slice the MSRP down to 2/3ds of what it used to be, greatly improve build/software quality, and now introduce the 1% APR financing. Now, I have a couple of days to decide whether or not to get one with the current financing, fuck the money I saved I guess if I can just take a 1% loan lol. I'll just keep the cash in a HYSA earning 5% instead.
Now, I have some concerns and I was hoping you guys could please give me an objective, honest idea of what to expect here (please try to be as unbiased as you can be)
I've talked to a bunch of current and previous Tesla owners and here are some concerns I have:
-Horrible resale value (I understand that the recent price cuts might be a large factor here though)
-Shitty customer service
-Bad build quality
-Bad experience traveling long distances
-Maintenance past the 4 year warranty (my friend works at a car rental company that contracts with Tesla among several other car companies. He says there's an absurd number of rental cars going out to Tesla owners who's Teslas are in the shop - if this is the case within the 4 year warranty period, I wonder how bad the maintenance costs get when the 4 year bumper to bumper warranty expires and you have to pay out of pocket for fixes)
-Tires get worn out quickly
-Bad suspension leading to noisey drives especially in bumpy areas
Please give me as much detail as possible if you could speak to any if these issues (the longer you've had a tesla the better). If there are any other issues you've experienced that I haven't listed please also tell me about those. This is going to be one of the biggest purchases I've ever made and I prefer to know every detail beforehand if possible. Thanks in advance guys!

Heyo, tried to fall asleep earlier but looks like I’m wide awake! Looking for some new friends or just some chats. A little about me: work at a performance shop building track cars. Spend a lot of time with my dog outside of work and started doing more hikes/trails! Also into video games and try to play when I can. Hit me up :)

Hello women of Reddit,
I'm going through a very rough time emotionally and spiritually and have always found peace when I express my thoughts by writing them out so I figured I would find a Subreddit to express myself and see what strangers who are impartial to my situation will say. There's always two sides to a story, so I'll be mindful to not sit here like a narcissist trying to paint a holy picture of myself and an unholy one of her. I pledge to be completely honest, even if I am burned at the stake in the comments for any wrongdoings of mine. Please note there's a limit to how many characters I can type in here, so 20 years of history for important context will need to be summarized as much as possible. I'll do my best to keep it relevant and share the parts that matter.
In my first year of high school at age 13, a friend of mine was dating a girl from a different high school that he would bring around to hang out with us. She seemed like a nice girl as far as I could tell, but I couldn't help but notice how literally everyone who had something to say about her would always highlight and emphasize that she was a slut and they would tell stories about stuff she has done when she was drunk. I didn't think much of it at the time because why would I? It had nothing to do with me. Soon after, I moved to a different high school and cut ties with that friend.
A few years went by, and one day out of nowhere to my surprise, she called my house to say hi, and to see if I wanted to hang out. I decided to hang out with her because I learned from her that she was no longer dating the guy I met her through, and we were somewhat acquainted already so it felt ok. We started to hang out a lot and I started feeling those fuzzy feelings in my stomach where I knew I was beginning to develop feelings for her, and so much that I was finding myself "borrowing" my dads' car when I didn't yet have my license just to be able to go see her. People around me who knew her started to notice that her and I were getting close, and I started getting warnings from literally dozens of people to not bother with her because she's a slut, and she's just going to hurt me in the end. Despite all these warnings, the feelings I had inside of me for her at that time were too strong to ignore, so I ended up ignoring the warnings people were giving me and wanted to judge her from my experience with her rather than other people's words.
During the time I was hanging out with her, I soon learned that she was apparently seeing or casually dating someone new, which of course bothered me because I liked her and I could feel from her that she liked me too. I started noticing that certain times in evenings she would not answer her phone at all and because I was increasingly growing so in love with her, I literally would begin to sit outside her place down the street in a car just to see what the hell she was doing certain evenings that she wouldn't answer my calls. Of course, it soon became obvious to me that she was going to see this guy she was "seeing" because she would always jump in a taxi very late night and get dropped off at the same house. I'm ashamed when I look back and realize that I was somewhat stalking her and being creepy, but the intentions weren't bad but rather just a little too curious, and it was also killing me inside to see her casually seeing this older guy who I felt was probably just exploiting her for sex. I say that because it was weird to me that she never hung out with him during the day as friends like her and I did but only went to see him late at night, so my mind started messing with me a lot and all the rumours about her started coming in as intrusive thoughts. I'm already a person who has a very deep depth of conscious thoughts so I can sometimes get very deep into my imagination and that's not really a good thing when the mind goes into dark and negative places.
One day during an afternoon I dropped by her house unannounced and I knocked on her house door but no one answered even though I was sure she was home. I went to the side of the house and climbed up on a utility box below her bedroom window that she would always sneak out of, so I can look through the window and maybe get her attention, and I instantly couldn't believe my eyes. There she was butt naked having sex with her ex-boyfriend, the guy I was friends with in early high school. I felt sick to my stomach that I walked right into that so I quickly left to my car and immediately drove off. It was so disturbing to see this and also to realize she was fucking an older guy and also liked me, all three at the same time. I never brought that up to her during that time because it was just too foul to mention. One night, she called me and asked me if I can pick her up from a friend's house because she had too much to drink and couldn't get home safe, so I said okay. When we got to her house, she asked me to help her inside, and so I did and next thing you know when we are sitting on the couch her hands are in my pants, she pulled me into her bedroom, and we had sex for the first time. This was when I lost my virginity.
After this point her and I began to start sleeping with each other regularly and of course it made me love her more and more. I couldn't deal with the circumstance the way it was and so I got very serious with her and let her know I was not cool with what she's doing and that she would need to stop this madness. We got into a lot of arguments and fights about what she was doing and we fought and fought, until one day she suddenly out of nowhere came to me and said she "broke up" with the older guy. She told me she wanted to be official and be a real exclusive couple together with me. I felt this sigh of relief go through me, but also somehow it didn't feel as good as it could've or should've had I not known all these past issues about her.
Here we are suddenly an official couple, and I started realizing that I had this deep insecurity anytime she would say she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriends and "guy friends" to party. I wasn't into drinking and partying at that age and so I would always tell her no, especially if other guys are around, but she didn't care what I had to say and would do what she wanted anyway. When I would try to stop her, she would fight me and tell people that I was being controlling. I felt like I had no power and didn't know what to do because I always thought she will get drunk and do somethign with other guys and that scared the shit out of me.
Soon after I randomly met a girl at a friends house who took interest in me. One day just like that I decided to hang out with her and I ended up cheating on my GF with her. I regret that I did that but looking back on it, I feel like I did it because I was so insecure and upset deep inside at everything I was going through with my GF and her going out partying and drinking with other guys around that I just didn't care anymore and went with it. She eventually found out that I cheated, and demanded I end contact with that girl and I did. I saw that it actually hurt her and I apologized for it and luckily for me she forgave me despite showing serious displeasure. I explained to her that I messed up and I did it because I thought she was likely cheating on me anyways and I had a hard time getting over her past. We both agreed to move on from that. That was when I was 19 and it was the only time I ever cheated on her. I learned from that one mistake I made.
A few more years went by, and still she was giving me a very hard time when it came to going out drinking with her friends. I was working very long 16-hour days at that time, and it never sat well with me for her to go out and get drunk when I'm not present. We continued to fight and argue over this, and she simply never understood me on why I didn't want her to do this. I would do this because I knew that when she drinks, she's not herself at all. She becomes very flirty and inappropriate, and I didn't want that to happen if I'm not around to look after her and stop her from doing dumb shit. Either way, she would do it and ignore what I say. I got fed up with this and ended up breaking up with her. During this time of being broken up, I started trying to see other girls and despite meeting other women in platonic terms, my heart kept wanting her back. So after six months of being broken up, I went back to her and tried to talk to her to see if she wanted to get back together and try to have a fresh start. She immediately showed interest, but she said she had to let me know during the time broken up that she started seeing and having sex with someone else. Despite not offically being a couple at that time, it shattered me. Why? Because I couldn't believe that after everything we went through, she would just go and fuck another dude who was clearly exploiting her for sex. I know that because she dropped him in the snap of a finger to come back to me, so obviously there was nothing of substance there other than her avoiding being alone. I cried about it and ultimately accepted being together again.
Many years went by again and new problems came up, now she is comparing me and us to her friends and their boyfriends. Giving me a hard time that I don't buy her designer bags and spend money on expensive items for her. I would argue with her over this a lot because to me, it was just stupid to be buying junk like this when you don't have too much money to spare, especially at our age, but she didn't care. Every day was arguing and fighting and her putting me down simply for not buying her designer bags. This is when I began to notice that I was starting to get verbally abusive towards her with name calling, belittling and shaming for stuff she's done wrong. There were also many times where I would get physical with her too by grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her out of frustration during arguments because she would drive me insane with her words. I didn't know how else to express my anger so it always translated mostly into insults about her promiscuity and history. Anyway, eventually I got so fed up with her that I ended up telling her to take a hike and that I don't want to be with her if this is the type of person she's going to be by disturbing the peace in our household with constant comparisons to others. I didn't actually literally mean it when I told her to take a hike and leave and this is something I would often say when we would fight because when I'm angry I feel like I mean it but whenever I would calm down I knew I didn't want her to actually leave. She of course eventually took it literally, and when she did leave this time she immediately started seeing another guy. How did I know? I used 'find my phone' on her iPhone at that time to track her very strange movements and pulled up on her one day while she was with another man. The man shit himself when he seen me, kicked her to the curb and drove off while texting her to forget him. Her reason for doing this was, "you kicked me out, we are not together, and I don't want to be with you". All that just because I didn't buy her chanel and louis vuitton designer bags that her friends boyfriends were buying for them. Me being the low self-esteem insecure loser, I ended up trying to once again work things out with her and reconcile our relationship because I was afraid to lose her and be alone. It's embarassing to admit this but that's the truth.
Again more years went by and I had noticed that a depression and anxiety struggle I had over the years was starting to get pretty bad. Luckily in 2018 I was able to cure my depression in the Amazon Jungle of Peru by participating in several Ayahuasca ceremonies but unfortunately it didn't do anything to help my crippling anxiety. After that trip when I came home from Peru and she was again beginning to show signs of discontent by comparing me to other peoples boyfriends and was giving me a hard time every single day about stupid shit. She was telling me I don't do anything for her, despite over the years sending her on so many vacations with her friends and giving her thousands of dollars of spending money, bankrolling her business she started and so much more. I was taking so much of this from her on a daily basis that it was driving me insane to where I told her once again during the heat of an argument to take a hike if she thinks I'm so bad and of course she did just that. She never stopped to think of all the things that I have done for her but only seemed to focus on what I wasn't doing for her.
After she moved out we still talked regularly and I started noticing she was acting a bit weird. One night I asked her to go out for dinner and drinks and when we got back to the house she passed out drunk and so I went through her phone. I immediately went to her texts and found out she was seeing someone and the texts indicated it was potentially and most likely physical and so of course I lost my shit. I woke her up and confronted her about the texts and I will never forget the smirk she had on her face. I couldn't believe that once again she would do this and especially after fighting over dumb shit like comparing me to others. Everything I learned about this guy she was now seeing indicated she got with him because he appeared to have money. I felt this because she ridiculously and shamelessly stated she liked his Mercedes G-Wagon and all the comparisons to other people and the bad influences she had around her was obvious to me. Sadly, I again let myself down and begged her like a little bitch to stop talking to him and she was not wanting to this time. I was so fucking pathetic that I paid her a very very large six figure sum of cash to come back to me and to leave this guy. Before the cash offer she wasn't showing interest to come back but once I mentioned the money and bought her some jewellery, she suddenly was warming up to wanting to come back to me. I did, however, throw some contingencies in there that she had to come with me to Peru to participate in Ayahausca ceremonies because I felt like she had some serious internal issues and traumas that she also needed to sort out to change for the better. I felt like the reason she was always behaving so reckless and so concerned with other peoples lives and all these comparisons was because of some deep rooted traumas. I say this because she grew up without a father and without money so this is something I always considered about her and kept in mind. Participating in Ayahuasca circles really opened my eyes to trauma and behavior issues we humans have from stuff in our childhood so I knew all these messed up things she's doing stems from a root cause of something in her early life experience. It was certainly the reason why I needed healing because I had my own traumas from my childhood that was affecting my life and behavioir as well. Anyway, she hesitantly agreed and we went to Peru together. When we were in the jungle I felt her energy during one particular Ayahuasca ceremony and she seemed very scared and showing a side of her that I didn't see before. I knew right then and there that she is suffering from something in her soul that that she wasn't even aware of. I always did notice and pickup on her very serious lack of self awareness that she still seems to struggle with to this very day.
We got back home and everything seemed alright. I started noticing she was different in a way I hadn't witnessed before. Different in terms of her energy and her aura. One day she suddenly out of no where told me "after ayahuasca, looking back on myself, I feel like I was possessed by something very dark considering how I used to behave" .. She was referrng to her reckless beahvior and essentially saying she can't even believe her own past behavior and feels like she wasnt herself and now she is waking up and snapping out of it. I swear to god I cried tears of relief when she said this to me and I felt like maybe, just maybe we can have a normal life now. She also at this same time made a promise to me that she would never ever repeat those same behaviors again and that even if we were fighting one day and separated temporarily on a break for whatever reason, that she would give me the respect of letting me know before she talks to or dates any other men. Sounded very good to me of course.
Well, unfortunately Ayahuasca isn't a one trick pony and often times it requires many many ceremonies to fully heal deep rooted subconscious traumas and if you don't go back and finish what you started, you can slip back into old habits especially if you don't put in the work to change from the lessons you learn. I can only speak for myself and can say that I was still not doing too well with my anxiety and I wanted to go back to Peru again to do more work on myself. This time I left to Peru in 2021 and when I came back she was again suddenly being so nasty and mean to me when I was in an energetically sensitive state. Once again every single day back to comparing me to other men who shower their women with money and saying I never do anything for her like the entire past 17 years of everything I did for her, giving her cash, jewellery, vacations and cars all was nothing. The past didnt matter, it only mattered what I was doing for her in the moment. She drove me so insane for six months straight that one day I blew up and told her to either stop or get out. She decided to pack up and move out on her own. I tried to stop her but she didn't and she went anwyay. Some months went by and we would talk on the phone and she would tell me she realizes she has a lot of work to do on herself and that she is trying to heal herself. I told her great, I'm happy to hear that and I really did feel like maybe she might need this time alone to heal and it could possibly be what she needs. Well, unfortunately for me, she once again revealed to me a little over a month ago that she is talking to another man AGAIN and despite promising me she wouldn't do so without talking to me first, she did anyway. Her reason for breaking her promise is "were not together and I owe you nothing". She went as far as showing me text messages between her and this man from the USA and I asked her why she would rub that in my face and she said "I showed you that text so you can see that there are real men out there who wont just give bread crumbs to their woman". According to her, all I ever gave her was bread crumbs despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of my own money on her over the years, I am now being measured up with random men she met on dating apps. Here's the kicker, we dont live in the USA and she's been talking about wanting to move there for the last couple of years. Interesting how she now suddenly is speaking to a man online from there. You can draw your own conclusion on the motive for that.
The sad part of this all is that despite the resentment, I still love her......
​
Well, there you have it. That's the story of my pathetic life. I imagine I will be shamed and told how much of a loser I am and I probably deserve it. Either way, I want to hear what some of you think.

For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway

For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway

I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.

Hi this is my first ever post or thread? di ako nagpopost dito sa reddit, lurker lang talaga ako. I wanted to share how my 4yr old crush ended. Kung andito ka man nagbabasa okay lang itatago nalang kita. PERO SANA WALA KA DITO
Disclaimer: Baka ayaw niyo ng napaka habang post or story, then step away. Also di po ako magaling sa grammar, babarilin ko mag-correct sakin.
So ito na nga mga Bhie,
It started when I was in college 2nd year, pandemic that time, we had online classes that time. Hindi kami close, so pano kami naging close? nung 1st year college magkaklase kami pero no interaction whatsoever. Then nung nagkapandemic nag enroll lahat online, kaming dalawa lang yung magkakilala. Siya yung unang nag chat sakin about sa assignment na ipapasa. Then we got to know each other sa mga chikahan saka kwentuhan(hindi ko na ilalahat kasi di ko na maalala.)
Then nagpapakita na siya ng hints, like nag sesend na siya ng pictures niya, nung una hindi ko masyado binibigyan ng pansin. Then nakikita ko din na nagshashare siya ng posts like mga pang banat or parinig na memes. Then that was the time na I started liking her back, because of the vibes, same kasi kami ng vibes. lagi na kaming late night naguusap, sabay nakikinig music sa discord server (typical teenage scenarios paginlove haha).
Late ko na na-realized na I'm giving too much attention, like too much. I was love bombing her, wala kasi ako experience pag-dating sa mga ganitong scenario. Dun ko din na-realize na ayaw pala talaga ng mga babae na masyadong clingy, di ko naman nilalahat girls ah.
Nagiging cold na siya sa mga chat niya, I forgot to mention na nag-lalaro din kami ng ML(Mobile Legends) that time, then I would invite her everytime na makikita ko siyang online but one time inivite ko siya, she declined the invitation. It started to confuse the shit out of me. Dumating pa sa point na iniistalk ko na yung mga kalaro niya.
Taposssss.... nahihirapan na ako mag-understand kung anong nangyari that time, so I mustered up my courage to confess, I wrote a letter dun ko ini-explain kung ano yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya, then I hit send. Syempre ito na yung mga long message, di ko na maalala yung lahat pero ang context ng whole conversation namin non, she lost the feels. then she would see me as a friend lang.
Thennnn, Semester break na non, with 2 months vacation I think, di ko na talaga maalala. 2 months without contact bago kami nag face to face ulit. Siya parin yung kaklase ko non. Akala ko naka move on nako pero hindi, bumalik lahat.
(I'll skip past to 4th yr) Requirement for our graduation is the internship, we had internship in this large company, I invited her to apply para sama sama na kaming mga friendship, na assigned kami sa 2 different schedule. I had the freedom to join her schedule, pero hindi ko ginawa. Maybe the worst or best decision that I've made. Minsan nalang kasi magkita during those intership, gawa nga nung different schedules so 2 araw lang lahat papasok ng interns sabi ni management. There was one guy na nakakasama niya lagi sa schedule niya. But even Before that nung sabay sabay lahat pumasok ng interns, sabay kami ni girl lumabas nung building pababa, pero one time, nung pauwi na hindi na siya sumabay sakin, kundi dun na sa guy.
I was silent the whole time, sa likod lang nila naglalakad pinagmamasdan sila. Then everytime na may picture taking kaming nsa management, humahanap ako ng paraan para mag tabi kami sa picture, pero yung guy lagi niyang hinahanap. Syempre gotta let out that forced smile.
so as I've said before, maybe the worst or best decision that I've made, worst kase nakahanap na siya ng iba. Best kasi di ko masyado silang nakikita. 4 months internship nun e, edi 4 months ka-ding patay sa selos.
Then graduation came, last day with her. I did enjoy every bits of it. I even gave her gift as my farewell gift. Time to apply for a job na, every time na makakahanap ako ng job, I would think of inviting her to apply as well. But di ko na ginawa, then no contact na kami for almost a few months now. ito lately nalang nagkaroon,
Here's present, nag-chat ulet kami lately, then the conversation eventually lead to infatuations, na delulu na naman ako, hoping for all these times. But I was wrong again. Sabi ko sa sarili ko di nako mag-confess ulit, pero di ko nagawa e, she likes someone else na pala.
Yun lang chika ko for today.
P/S: always shoot your shot peeps para di kayo matulad sakin na umasa ng ganong katagal. If you can't do it because you're scared, then DO IT SCARED.

Does anyone have a comfy but solid Lance build that is good for Online Play that is also good solo (playing with followers or on your own in Event Missions). And how does one sharpen their weapon when one doesn’t run speed sharpening?

I'm sorry if it's a dumb question, but I've looked online and can't find much besides resources and products meant for trucks or things with specs listed that are way beyond my jellyfish brain capacity. Are there any dashcams used for regular cars that you can view remotely, as in I can view when my husband is driving and vice versa? (He works for the census and has been getting violent people and threats to our family and when he goes out to knock on a door, I'm terrified of who or what will answer.) I see Blackvue has some options but I don't live in the UK, can anyone give me any additional insight?

Hi all,
I am looking for some suggestions or insights on how to navigate (and advance) my career as a career-changer and mature-age student. Any contribution or perspectives welcome. Questions can be as useful as comments.

Why I am asking

I watched this Ted Talk recently and it prompted me to ask. I recommend it if you haven't seen it.
I have spent the last 4 years working hard in isolation to try and build my skills and break into the industry, but I have completely neglected to build a network, as well as ask for help and advice.
I'm trying to break that habit now. To be clear, I am not looking for anyone to solve my problems. But insights or thought-provoking questions to help me, help myself would be invaluable.

Context

I'm 31, live in Geelong Victoria, am a part-time CS student (half-way through, studying remotely) and have been working full-time as a junior web developer for the last 12 months. I was working part-time prior to that for another 6 months so I could make financial ends meet by working splitting my time with my other, higher-paying job.
As such, I have half a degree and 12-18 months-ish of experience. And I acknowledge this very fortunate as securing that first job can very difficult.
However, I am looking for guidance on how to maximise my trajectory from this position given that I have dedicated a lot of time and effort towards breaking into tech and took a rather sizeable pay cut.
I would also add the company is small and there's only a few devs, with the one senior making all the decisions, meaning I get little mentoring and there's no strong engineering-based conversations. We use Laravel and are just trying to get products out the door and get paid, very digital agency style.
There is nothing wrong with this, it's just not where I ultimately want to be or the technologies I want to use (and build skill with).
None of this is to say "poor me", just set some context for why I am trying to recover lost time and finances as much as possible.

Goals

Generally speaking, I'd like to find a role where I: - Use CS fundamentals more. I'm thinking backend work, building proficiency with a statically typed language, etc. rather than doing more plug-and-play web development using a batteries-included framework. - Am part of a bigger team, so I can learn from those around me and have discussions about tech. - Increase my earning potential and move beyond an entry-level salary (given I don't feel entry-level age) and have taken "backwards" financial steps in the hope of taking bigger strides forward.
I know everyone wants the perfect job and they aren't just handed out on platters. I am realistic. I'm just trying to learn how I can open up better opportunities, and do it sooner rather than later.
##### Advice that exists The top comment on this post about how to make good use of your time while studying CS suggests:

While in course:

• Secure an internship/placement ASAP
• Network, join relevant clubs, meet people in industry, make connections
• Build a portfolio outside of course work
• Find out what you really need to know for your planned career
• Learn practical concepts beyond the course like Git, containers
• Figure out a course plan well in advance

bold = Do these 2, if absolutely nothing else. They will take your career further more than anything.

I think this is excellent advice and would echo its importance.
And while it is still relevant to me, I also tend to think it's more applicable to younger, entering-the-work-force-for-the-first-time students. But I could be wrong!

What I think my problems are

I feel like I am a little stuck -- or moving slowly -- due to the following broad problems: - Opportunities for promotion and growth in my current role are very limited (not just financial, but skills and experience-wise). - I'm not yet academically credentialed nor oozing with industry experience, either. - Non-existent network, a factor of both being a remote student and having only been at a single, small company.

My questions

All of this leads me to the following questions: - Do I simply need to stay the course? I am trying to be proactive, rather than complacent, but it is possible I'm only achieving impatience. - Are university organised networking events and internship opportunities likely to be useful for me or are they distractions at this point? - Is there better advice for someone in my position than what I highlighted above? And if so, what are the high-impact activities someone in this position should be focusing on? - Is there any obvious truths or ideas that I am missing?

Conclusion and connect if you like

Thanks so much for reading this far. Also, to help me build that network, please feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn. Also, if you're interested, I recently built my portfolio, and I would be open to any feedback you have on that.
I'm also open to collaborating on projects or trying to help you in any way that you think I might be able to.
Thanks again. Any contribution, big or small, is greatly appreciated.
Have a great day, Redditors.
(This is my first ever post, if I unknowingly committed any sins, please feel free to draw my attention to them.)