Quotes about exfriends

I posted this story on one of my very first days of reddit. I think it was in askreddit but something today on my reddit feed made me recall this exfriend of mine. Also pls dont crucify me, my English is super horrible.
Many many moons ago, I won a free venue space on this popular arcade restaurant. The package was good at least for 20-30 ppl max, we got game vouchers, free use of space and a discounted food package - the only thing I had to pay. The meal selection- a couple of finger foods, pizza and chips werent bad, like 200$ ish if I recall.
I never had a proper birthday party since I was a kid and thought this would be a great way to do so. I told my friend 'Kara' (not real name) and she became excited for me but she suggested why dont we do a joint bday party even though we are 2 months apart on dates. Her reasoning we had the same friend group anyway. So we agreed on a 10-10 split of invites. In which only 3 of them are from my work.
Issues started with her shutting down the invite list of our common friends. This girl was mean to her, she inst close to this one (but I was!), then shutting down my own co workers which she backed down when I gave her an eyebrow raise. Kara though made me feel guilty or annoyed when it came to my own invite list. Its important to note my coworkers are married or older people.
Then came the payment agreement for the food order. Gave me many excuses such as shes broke, why not I pay it first and she will pay her share later, even heavily implied I should just pay it and not expect anything from her. But even my choices like fries and nachos werent good enough. Nevermind that I always paid for our meals when we go out.
I realized quickly that she wanted the party to be HERS and I was just a wallet. The month we agreed to hold it to was her birthday month. The invite list she took over were all boys I barely knew & she wanted to flirt and show off to. This was something she did with me in the past.
I called her out on it and she keeps blowing me off. That was the last straw for me. And since no date, invites and booking to the venue was officially done (at least to my knowledge). I never booked the venue. Contract was in my name anyway so she can't book anything she doesnt have access to. I never gave any payment information or reservation yet so there was nothing she could financially pin on me. I celebrated my own birthday with a different friend circle and later learned that she was bragging that she was gonna throw this lavish party that thanks to me was never gonna happen. She did try to reach out to me and coax me to reconsider but I stood firm on my decision.
Now the clincher for this I vented the situation to another friend who has no relations with her to get a 2nd opinion if I was the AH. And he called me an AH because "a generous human should have given Kara the bday party since it was never mine to begin with. Because I won it it was really never mine." + some choice words that I was not a good person. That incident made me cut that person out of my life for years.
Back to Kara-this didnt stop her. And to be fair I should have LCed from her after the bday incident. But heres a few more things she did to me which stood out:

• Introduced her to my date only for her within minutes demanding he give her a massage...which he did. Me and him had a talk why that was all sorts of wrong & trashy. We never ended up together.
  
• Lied to me about her being abused at home so she can crash my home only so she can use it a place to hook up with guys. I took my keys back and ignored her. I started low contact-NC after this incident.
  
• I work with a lot of big named event and wedding vendors. Called me after years of NC asking assistance if I can get her a catering quote and discount for her wedding + doing all the coordinator grunt work for her. I dont get a discount really but I gave her the quote and some cost friendly options. When asked if I would be invited, she said NO. This is a family only wedding and it would be small. It was for 250 ppl. After this I blocked her from all my socials.
  

Looking back a lot of people warned me about her being toxic. I should have heeded the warning. I thought people were being mean to her and being a bully victim myself I had this messiah complex to be her friend. I lost friends because of her from either her badmothing me or not wanting to associate with me because of her.

Trigger Warning: Talk of Child Abuse, Accusations of Pedophilia, Mention of Sexual Assault. I talk about the poor handling of my outcry about my CSA. Just to get it out there, y’all, it’s been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that DH did not sexually abuse DD despite what Shame Nun says; if he had, or if there was any question, we would not be married and he would be a guest of the Department of Corrections. This Mama Bear doesn’t play around with sex abuse.
Hey, y’all, I’m back with another tale about my DH’s doozy of a JNMIL, who would have loved to follow me around with a bell proclaiming “Shame! Shame! Shame!” Today I wanna talk about the biggest bad thing she did to my kind, loving DH, who never really had a chance in her mind. This happened long, long ago in a decade far, far away, so I’m open to advice, but don’t really need any. TLC, compassion, basic human kindness, good words to pass along to my DH, all of those things would be great, because you guessed it: she accused him of being a child molester.
In my last post, I talked about when DH spanked DD in anger and bruised her bottom. We immediately separated, started counseling, parenting classes, and anger management. We voluntarily attended the same classes court-mandated families went to when children were removed from the home, and...guys, we were exposed to some crazy ugly things. We were rubbing elbows with actually awful people, the ones we wanted to (and occasionally did) beg them NOT to return the kids to. Not all of them, for sure; most just needed help like we did, but at the end of the day my DH would often be MORE angry, because the guys in his class were not like him. (I get it, I had a Fucking Linda in mine, and I really hope her kids were kept far, far away from her.) My parents had me sign a contract saying they and their pastor could help decide what needed to happen before I reconciled with DH, and then they absolutely vilified him. He was the “violent, abusive, child beating, potential murderer who was one moment away from snapping and killing” me, DD, and my unborn baby. (I really wanted to unleash on them and tell them what unrepentant child murderers really acted like on their lunch breaks, but we weren’t supposed to tell each other’s stories outside of class.) I reached my limit of being emotionally abused and alienated from my DD while Shame Nun played happy family with her do-over baby, took back my power by reporting the spanking to CPS myself, and let the parents know I would be taking DD back home the following week.
There were tears and protests, but overall it went better than I thought. I should have known right then that trouble was coming.
They invited DH, who had been banned from the house, to come visit DD while I was working that Friday. When he went to pick me up that night he said they had a nice time, and everything went well. I got home and everyone was calm, DD was sleeping, my parents said the visit was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. I told them good night and went to bed. Worked the next day without incident.
The following day, Sunday, my dad wanted to drive me to work, which was unusual but fine. I was a nurse tech in the NICU at the time, which was a great job and I loved it. We had two techs per shift (I worked 3pm-11pm, so if I wanted a certain day off there was one other 3-11 tech I could trade with, for example; this is important). They staffed by how many babies and how sick the babies were; they may need 12 nurses and I would have to go to a different floor or not work, or 11 + 1 tech, etc.
So my dad’s driving me to work, and as the hospital comes into view, he says: “We need to talk tonight. Your mom walked in on DH...abusing...DD Friday.”
What. The. Fuck. My first thought was well how convenient, since she didn’t tell me anything Friday and it’s so soon after I told her I’m going back home. “She witnessed him spank her?”
“I don’t know all the details, but her diaper was off and he was...touching her... and she was crying. We’ll talk about it tonight and figure out what we need to do and how we’re going to involve the police. Hey, have a good day at work!” Yeah, he said that with a smile, like he hadn’t just absolutely destroyed me.
Y’all. My whole world came grinding to a halt. See, I have a history of sexual abuse and sexual assault. I was molested by a neighbor as a child, and violently raped by a boyfriend’s brother as a teen. I hid the childhood abuse, the whole toxic relationship, and the rape from my parents, and sought help on my own later. As a test of whether I could trust them with information about the boyfriend and the rape, I decided to tell them about the molestation. They pulled me out of school and sent me to a Christian “specialist” who dealt with girls in my “situation”. This woman had a bunch of girls on their knees praying for forgiveness for “their part in the sinful things done to them”. Yep, she told me to get on my knees and beg God to forgive me because when I was an EIGHT YEAR OLD CHILD, some pervert thought he would touch me sexually. I don’t know about y’all, but my idea of God doesn’t work that way. I refused, loudly, and told her in front of all the other girls that God Loves Us just how we are and it’s not our fault other people had abused us. She told my parents I was making it up for attention. We returned home and it was never mentioned again. (And they still don’t know about the rest of my stuff.) I promised myself that I would never fail my children the way they failed me that day. If someone hurt my kids like that, all Hell would rain down upon them!!
My precious DH, whom I loved more than almost anything, had hurt my baby like that. My heart shattered into a bazillion pieces.
I think I just about fainted getting out of the car. I had to go get report on my patients and stock the unit, but as soon as I was able I called the other 3-11 tech to see if she could come in for me because I needed to get home to my baby. She was out of town. I asked the charge nurse if I could go, but she couldn’t justify calling in a nurse to relieve me. Y’all, I don’t know how I made it through that shift. I remember one feeding, the baby had a lullaby tape that we would play, and “Baby Mine” was on - I fucking lost it. I was bawling. I let one of the nurses know I needed a break after I finished the feeding and cares, and ran out and just fell apart. There was another nurse in the break room who witnessed this breakdown, and I confided in her. She was flabbergasted, I think her exact quote was “bullshit!”, but she helped me with my patients and let me know that she was there for me, whatever I needed. That woman was an absolute rock star. She let DH know that I needed some space and would talk to him tomorrow when he came to eat lunch with me, and she called a friend of hers who was a child counselor. I set up a time for him to talk to DD. He let me know some important things to do - and not do - between then and when he saw her.
I got home and my parents were casually sitting at the dining room table. They casually told me about how my mom saw DH hurting DD’s bare bottom while she was laying on the floor crying “no Daddy, don’t”, and other examples that the pastor and the same “specialist” they took me to agreed were “obvious signs of sexual abuse”. These were things like her fixating on how a flat spoon fit into the slit on her swimming mermaid doll - I don’t know how to describe this design to y’all, and I don’t know what the designer was thinking, but the doll bent in half, and the battery compartment opened with a coin; the placement made it look like a vulva, no kidding. The spoon was essentially a plastic coin on a stick, perfect for little toddler hands. Remember how DD was scary smart? She observed me use a coin to put batteries in this doll, and when it slowed down she knew it needed new batteries; she remembers the spoon, a “coin” she can control, and runs for it, and wants to fix her toy. They interpreted that as CLEARLY my DH has been putting spoons in her vagina and she’s acting it out on the doll, CLEARLY. Other things included pushing her bum cheeks together while sitting on her heels and chanting “it’s a great big one” (she had bowel control issues, would get very constipated with “great big” stools, and refuse to go until she felt safe, so as we in this sub understand, the grandparents/parent dynamic was less tense.)
I took this all in, asked a few questions, and went to bed. When DD got up a little later, I sent Shame Nun away, steeled myself, and changed her. Now, because I worked in NICU and floated to Pediatrics, I got a lot of training about the signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse. I also had done some extra work into the area of victim advocacy (and later trained as a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner). I wasn’t just a mom changing her kid’s britches in that moment, I was a Mandated Reporter with a possible victim in my care. I was taking notes and observing everything. She was red on her outer labia majora, down onto her buttocks (consistent with her frequent diaper rashes; we could change that child moments after she wet and she’d get rashy, she still gets weird random skin rashes twenty-something years later). There was no bruising, scratching, cuts, or other marks noted. I gently spread her lips and looked at the minora. No redness, bumps, bruises, scratches, marks, or scars. It would not have meant a lot to see a torn hymen in an active child, but I noted that hers was intact, and that said something to me. Not everything, but /something/.
Now, I wholeheartedly believe that my mother saw my wiggly toddler protesting a diaper change. I believe she heard the tearful words “no, Daddy, don’t”. I believe she probably saw DH wiping DD’s bare bottom, hence the “touching” bit. I want to believe she said these things from a place of love for DD and misplaced concern. Because the alternative is Too Much. But I gotta wonder: why didn’t she yell, scream, call the cops, alert my dad, or SOMETHING? (She says it’s because she’s too intimidated by my DH, after the way he treated her after The Big Shame.) She took over for him and finished the diaper change, but didn’t say anything about it to anyone else until Sunday when she told my dad and the pastor. She was calm and casual that evening, and said that nothing out of the ordinary happened during the visit when I asked Friday night. Why not say something, or give some sign with her language, body language, or demeanor that “I SAW SOMETHING TERRIBLY TRAUMATIC?!” when I asked her how it went? Why are there suddenly so many compelling reasons why he’s CLEARLY guilty, but they’ve never brought any of it up to me? I WANT to call it good intentions gone wrong, I’m pretty sure my mom has some unresolved trauma of her own that makes her sensitive to these things... but it’s a little too convenient for that, isn’t it?
I refused to go back to DH, even though I had planned to. I took DD to the child counselor, and I made DH go to a counselor who worked with sex offenders. I took DD to the pediatrician. We got another marital therapist. Other issues were creeping up now; we’d already been separated for months, DH was depressed, he was being treated like a monster, Granny Gobsmacker was far from the worst JustNO we were dealing with at the time but she was still working her manipulative magic, ExFriend was making her move - we were dealing with a LOT of shitty shit. Between all the doctors, therapists, and specialist referrals, it became very clear to me that DD had not been abused sexually, which is what I felt in my gut instinct and heart of hearts. There was no physical evidence or psychological evidence, and the sex offender therapist said it was his professional opinion that children of all ages and other vulnerable populations would be safe in DH’s company. (TMI time, y’all, DH is way too into assets that toddlers just don’t have, and pedophiles don’t turn it off and on like that despite what Shame Nun thinks; SANE training for the win?)
Once we learned how to communicate better, I learned how to tell him what I needed, and started to show him the appreciation he deserved, we decided to try again. By the time I escaped Shame Nun and my dad’s house that time around, DS had been born and was around six months old. Shame Nun didn’t manage to get my DH arrested, fired, or entirely socially outcast, but she very easily could have. Most of the people who heard the accusation and knew my DH had reactions like that nurse in the break room - Bullshit! - including his bosses. Nobody wanted to pursue criminal charges, oddly enough including Shame Nun, though she did threaten to expose him in the newspaper. (I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I was thinking about how very fucking naive it was of her to think the newspaper would be interested in some dude allegedly touching a kid one time, after all the things we heard in our parenting classes. Oh Shame Nun, you sweet summer child...) I grew a much stronger spine when it came to standing up for my DH - not perfect, but better, at least. We went pretty low contact, mostly saw them on special occasions and holidays.
I don’t know how you recover from an accusation like that. It permanently altered DH’s relationship with DD because he became terrified of touching her, especially since he was constantly being watched by everyone. I wish I could say we cut them out and lived happily ever after without them, but I had a pretty severe and unexpected health crisis a few years later. I was hospitalized for an extended time, out of work for months, absolutely unable to care for myself (let alone anyone else), and we needed help. I’m pleased to say that in the time we were low contact my parents left the Cult of Pastor Dude, and it seems to be the kick in the pants they needed. They stepped up in a good and different way when I got sick. Shame Nun refuses to apologize for accusing DH (because she believes she is right in calling what she saw sexual abuse), but she set it aside, and DH was able to forgive her anyway and accept her assistance. We are cautious with them, and we keep them at arm’s length. DH will never feel okay being in their home for very long, and Shame Nun often leaves the room rather than hang out with him, which is painful. It’s never gonna be good or easy, but they’ve been there for us when we needed them, and they’re giving our children opportunities we never could.
Oof, this was hard. I think I know what I’m talking about at my next therapy appointment... Y’all be kind to each other out there.

She is now in jail for cyberlibel.
Got into a Facebook fight over duterte and said some mean things about the guy she got into a fight with. Calling him malanding bakla na may aids. The guy is married and straight.
Guy filed a case last week and I've been told that exfriend was arrested this morning. On her way to take her kid to school. And the arrest was very public. In true palengkera form, her natural demeanor actually, she resisted the arrest. Quote: "Hindi ako adik! Duterte supporter ako! Hindi ako pusher. Wala kaming perang pang bayad kung kikil lang gusto niyo" non verbatim.
When the police told her what she was arrested for she gave the age old reason nahack account niya.
Also heard from common friends that exfriend's husband who has told her repeatedly to lay off the hate has not been in touch with her. One of our common friends said that the family is trying to reach the husband via mobile phone. He is not answering.
On his fb, the husband had a not so cryptic status message.
"Tingnan natin kung pipiyansahan ka ng gagong yan. Kahit dumalaw man lang sa iyo?"
This would have been a comedy had it not for my exfriend's mom being rushed to the hospital because of her high blood pressure.
My ex friend is a a DDS and she is now in jail, where everyone who supported and continues to support this drug war should be.