Hi ! This is one more post of a series whose aim is to share the Monogatari short stories that hadn't been translated into English yet. Except that one already was. Whatever.
Short stories masterpost here, updated regularly to show our progress with the translations.
 
 
Today is a re-translation of Hitagi Throwing (by Tigoris), a rather long short story, published in the Heroine Book #5: Senjougahara Hitagi. This one is among the most interesting short stories : it is about Suruga remembering her first meeting with Hitagi at the age of 12.
Once again, the previous translation was very old, and I wanted to make sure we had a better version for the short stories book.
 
 
As someone who has been devoted to Senjougahara Hitagi for some years now, it feels like a betrayal of some kind to say something like this, but when I first met her as a first-year in middle school, the impression that I had of her was not exactly a positive one.
 
To be more specific, one might say that it was a negative impression.
 
I thought, “Just who is this girl?”
 
If it’s okay to be a bit more informal, then my more exact thought was, “This girl’s bad news.” Now, I’d like you to cut me some slack here, because at the time I had only just graduated from elementary school, and I was, in appearance, personality, ability, and intellect, a brat of a meager 12 years of age.
 
However, I will also firmly say that Senjougahara-senpai was not entirely without fault of her own; in fact, let me emphasize that she was not without fault. After all, when she—the track-and-field club’s very own ace—came storming into the gym during basketball practice, it seemed like the start of a raid, and all of the basketball club members flinched. And she didn’t come alone. She brought along a large group of her followers, which was not limited to other track-and-field members and included students from not only the second- and third-year students, but there were even some first-year students mixed in. To an observer, it looked as if a feudal lord had descended upon the gymnasium along with his full retinue of retainers.
 
To put it another way, it’s like when Mitchi showed up in Slam Dunk.
 
She was smiling softly and had a gentle manner, but that only made her all the more intimidating, in part because her cronies had an unusual air about them.
 
“You’re Kanbaru-san, then? I’ve heard rumors that you’re quick on your feet—if it’s no bother, may I observe you?”
 
What is she, a noble lady?
 
That was what I wanted to say, but back then Senjougahara-senpai was like that—she was like a character taken straight from a shoujo novel.
 
It put a shiver down my spine to discover that this person really existed. And allow me to clarify that when I say “a shiver down my spine,” I don’t mean it in the good way—looking back on it now, it might be more accurate to say that I recoiled with shock.
 
I had an instinctive feeling that her request was strange.
 
And so was she.
 
To put it simply, that just about sums up my first impression of her—of course, Senjougahara-senpai was famous, so after I had enrolled in the school and even before I joined the basketball club, I had already heard her name a number of times.
 
She and Hanekawa-senpai were the two poster children for my school—to the point that we were told (by a teacher during the entrance ceremony) not to cross “those two” if we wanted to make it in the school (at the time I didn’t know which two the teacher was talking about, but, in retrospect, the warning was largely accurate).
 
However, as you know, I was a twelve-year-old who had, for various reasons, a rather extraordinary obsession with running fast—but because of those same reasons, I was unable to join the track and field club. Nevertheless, I took an interest in the ace of the track and field club, Senjougahara-senpai, and went to observe her running during that April, even though I had not become a trial member of the team.
 
I didn’t realize that it was possible for a person to run so beautifully.
 
It took my breath away.
 
My running form was not something that I had received coaching for—even now, I have not received any education in sprinting, so my running form is self-taught. Being self-taught is not a bad thing; it’s a perfectly acceptable running style, and I never had a complex about how I ran, but when I saw Senjougahara-senpai run on that day, the beauty of her form stood in stark contrast to the frantic flailing of my own form.
 
She displayed the final form of human running.
 
She was the idealized runner.
 
But I could not attempt to copy her—she was not like me, and I was not like her.
 
I was painfully aware of our differences.
 
I also remember thinking that the track uniforms were erotic, but that’s neither here nor there. I’d had no intention of joining the track club, as I said before, but after seeing her run, whatever lingering regrets I had were gone.
 
It blew me away.
 
To look at it another way, it was seeing Senjougahara-senpai run that day that made me into the basketball player that I am today—it was easy to forget what had caused me to become so passionately devoted to basketball, but I’ll save that discussion of “you never know what event will become a turning point in your life” for another time.
 
You could say that I’m not really a shy person, but when it came to Senjougahara-senpai, I made it my policy to actively avoid coming in contact with her, so for her to seek me out on her own was so surprising as to strike me dumb. Add in her whole “storybook princess” demeanor, and I turned into a stuttering, stumbling idiot—so, suffice to say, on the day that Senjougahara-senpai (and her retinue) observed my basketball practice, I was not exactly doing my best.
 
“May we speak, Kanbaru-san?”
 
After practice, Senjougahara-senpai approached me—and while I didn’t exactly feel enticed by her invitation, my heart skipped a beat regardless.
 
Looking at her up close, it was hard to believe that a girl with such mature features was only a year older than myself.
 
“You’re as fast as the rumors say—so how about it? Do you have any interest in transferring to the track club? Why not spend your youth in friendly competition with me?”
 
… She was an impressively bold headhunter. By the way, the basketball team captain (a third-year) was also there at the time as Senjougahara-senpai (a second-year) tried to steal me from the team, but the captain acted as if it were none of her business and didn’t interrupt.
 
Just what were you hoping to find by examining the ball that closely, captain?
 
You can turn it over as many times as you want; you’re not going to find a hole.
 
I was disappointed in the team captain, but setting that aside, I was happy to receive the invitation—no matter the situation or the way that it was said, I would always be happy to receive praise for the legs that I was so proud of. It made my heart dance to be acknowledged.
 
That simplicity still has not changed.
 
I’ve always been an idiot when it came to this.
 
That said, it still didn’t mean that I was so stupid as to blindly be scouted just because someone praised me. I’m an idiot who can think. So I politely, but firmly, declined her invitation while trying to hint that she had been a bit rude, but without being so blatant as to damage her reputation or be rude myself.
 
“Better luck next time.”
 
Huh?
 
What is this memory?
 
Who is this cheeky little brat? Oh, it’s me.
 
Was I at the age where I reacted to authority with petulance? Or was I afraid that if I didn’t reject her firmly, she would wear away my resolve and convince me to join the track club? Either way, maybe that wasn’t the exact phrasing that I used (I would like to think so), but, even if so, I still rejected Senjougahara-senpai in a rude way.
 
“Oh my. You’re quite spirited, aren’t you? I’m becoming even more interested in you.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai replied in a cool and composed tone (looking back on it now, I can’t help but think, “Who the hell are you?”), but the retinue of club members assembled behind her looked to be trying to use their eyes to stab me through.
 
Oh man, I’m so dead.
 
The crowd of cronies looked ready to get physical with me, but Senjougahara-senpai smiled and held a hand out to stop them without looking, then said, “It’s okay. I like nothing more than to tame cute girls like this.”
 
Seriously, who the hell are you?
 
Perhaps my imagination is adding to the memory a bit, so maybe my memory of middle school second-year Senjougahara-senpai isn’t perfectly accurate, but the big picture of us having a stressful, if brief, interview as our first contact is certainly true.
 
“Have a pleasant day.”
 
And with those parting words, Senjougahara-senpai left.
 
Even in the face of my unfavorable and downright rude response, she remained elegant. She carried on that noble air from start to finish, and while those events did hurt me, I thought that it was for the best.
 
Even if I had to be rude to do it, it would be better to firmly reject her than to reply so mildly that she continued to hold out hopes for me—of course, having rejected one of the famous girls of the school, I suspected that I may have set myself up to have a difficult life as a middle school girl, but, well, even if I had tried to stay in her good favor, I would likely have bungled that too.
 
Come if you’re going to come; I’ll take you on.
 
That was the stance that I mentally took, and I was not disappointed.
 
But the one who came to find me in the gym the next day was not one or more of Senjougahara-senpai’s retinue come to put me in my place, but instead it was Senjougahara-senpai herself—without anyone else, just herself.
 
“Hello everyone. We are blessed with lovely weather today, aren’t we? May I observe your practice once again?”
 
The older girls in the basketball club began to murmur to each other—it sounded different from the reaction from the previous day, and I later learned that it was because Senjougahara-senpai very rarely went anywhere unaccompanied.
 
She didn’t choose to have people follow her around, but instead, it was more that she was the kind of person that people naturally gravitated to and followed—which meant that the only way she could arrive in the gym without at least a small group of followers was for her to have told them to leave her alone.
 
Why?
 
I told her “better luck next time,” so did she actually think that she should try again and hopefully have better luck on the second attempt? And she decided that coming on her own might be the factor that would convince me?
 
Several of the basketball team members volunteered to make Senjougahara-senpai more comfortable, and so she sat off to the side in a comfortable chair, partaking in the snacks she had been provided while watching us practice with a smile. Or rather, she watched me practice. I couldn’t read anything from her body language.
 
I had been welcomed into the basketball club with a good bit of fanfare because of my speed, so it wasn’t as if I had never been observed while playing before, but there was something about being watched so intensely that made it difficult to play. On that day, I missed an unusually high percentage of shots and even made a lot of simple mistakes with dribbling—the only thing that kept me from outright failing was the speed of my legs. But seeing as Senjougahara-senpai was there to see how fast I could be, she must have been happy with the display.
 
“Kanbaru-san. Have you reconsidered your response to my invitation?”
 
“No, I’m not having second thoughts…”
 
I didn’t go so far as to say I hadn’t thought about it at all.
 
It was difficult to be rude to someone who showed up two days in a row to express interest in you.
 
“Hm. Then how about this? You and I shall have a 100-meter race, and if I win, then you will transfer into the track club. Don’t you think it’s a wonderful idea?”
 
“… So if you lose, then you’ll join the basketball team?”
 
“Eh?”
 
She tilted her head in confusion.
 
No, don’t you “Eh?” me.
 
There’s no way that you don’t understand.
 
“No, I will not be doing that.”
 
She firmly rejected the idea.
 
“But it would mean that I will no longer come to the gym every day without fail.”
 
“You intend to come every day…”
 
I told her no.
 
I’m pretty sure that I tried to be less rude than the day before.
 
“Oh.”
 
Senjougahara-senpai seemed genuinely surprised by the response.
 
“How strange. Was I wrong about you?”
 
“About what?”
 
“Someone like you would be unable to back down when presented with a challenge.”
 
“…”
 
That assumption of hers—was correct.
 
But, even if that were the case, I couldn’t allow myself to race against anyone. Of course, if I accepted the challenge and won, then the whole issue would be settled. But if I were to lose… I didn’t want to think about what would happen.
 
Also, there was the question of whether Senjougahara-senpai would actually back down if I won against her in the race—so it would be all risk with no reward.
 
“No thanks.”
 
She simply said that she understood.
 
I fell silent, and Senjougahara-senpai left—but before she departed the gym, she cleaned up the snack wrappers and put away the chair that she had used while observing our practice. She did seem to have had a good upbringing.
 
I was happy if she understood that she wouldn’t be able to convince me to join her club, but, thinking about it more, Senjougahara-senpai hadn’t said what it was that she understood. The true meaning of her words was a mystery.
 
And the next day, that mystery was solved.
 
For the third time, Senjougahara Hitagi arrived in the gymnasium during the basketball team’s practice. But unlike the first and second visits, she was not wearing her school uniform, nor was she wearing the erotic—that is to say, stylish—uniform of the track club, but she instead wore one of our own basketball uniforms.
 
Her back bore the number 4.
 
Well, actually, the number was also on the front of her jersey, so I don’t suppose I needed to specify that it was on her back. Anyway, the point is that the #4 jersey belonged to the captain.
 
I looked back to confirm and found that, sure enough, our team captain was in the back of the gym wearing her P.E. uniform and polishing a basketball. I just polished that one. Why are you polishing it again? Just how shiny do you want that ball to be? It’ll slip out of our hands if you give it any more polish than that.
 
Apparently our team captain rented out her uniform, what you might call the symbol that our team followed, to Senjougahara-senpai when she asked for it. You could say that this was the instant when all of our captain’s authority vanished.
 
Once this whole thing was settled, there would be a coup d'état.
 
“If you will not compete with me on the track, then I will come to your field and compete with this basketball. Does this work for you?”
 
“Uh… huh…?”
 
To be entirely honest, I was mostly just feeling uneasy at that point in time, and I definitely didn’t want to accept her challenge. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have when she had shown up a third time to try and convince me to join the track club?
 
She did, technically, ask for the “captain’s” permission before doing this (it pains me that I had to put quotation marks around captain, but that reflects the sad state of affairs at the time), and so half of the gym’s court was reserved for myself and Senjougahara-senpai to have our competition.
 
Our showdown.
 
Bout. Duel.
 
What actually followed was not as dramatic as the words used to describe it might suggest. It wasn’t instantly resolved, and there was definitely some tension during the competition, but it’s a bit difficult to have much drama when the competition is just a free throw contest. Our “captain,” or, I guess I should say, our captain, insisted that we have a competition where there was no risk of us coming into physical contact with each other. I was a new member on the team, and while Senjougahara-senpai was a veteran athlete, she was not a basketball player. So, to be on the safe side, it was decided that we could not have a true 1-on-1 match on the off chance that either of us should get injured.
 
Whoever made ten baskets first would win.
 
There were no handicaps, and the competition proceeded in a simple and straightforward manner—we took turns taking our shots, and after thirty minutes, it was all over.
 
The final score was ten to nine.
 
It was a close match—which Senjougahara-senpai won.
 
We both missed a number of shots, but we remained neck-and-neck throughout, until, in the end, Senjougahara-senpai managed to get the final basket.
 
“It was a good competition.” Senjougahara spoke, brushing aside her long, elegant hair. “Kanbaru-san, it seems that you are more suited for the basketball court than the track—I hope that you will continue to give it your best.”
 
She turned on her heel and left the gym.
 
I had already been thinking of some way to avoid taking part in races (such as by focusing on long jump or high jump) and had resigned myself to having to join the track club, so when Senjougahara-senpai simply departed, I was left dumbfounded for a moment.
 
But it was only a moment.
 
I hurriedly chased after Senjougahara-senpai—and I full-out sprinted, so I quickly caught up to her elegant walk, and I grabbed her wrist.
 
Grabbing someone by the wrist is a forceful way to stop them. One might say that it’s wild and violent, which is to say, it’s very me. Senjougahara-senpai turned to look at me with obvious suspicion, and perhaps she was letting her real self show through because her gaze was sharp.
 
Under that sharp gaze, I asked, “Was this your goal from the start?”
 
It was almost more like an interrogation than a simple question, which was also very like me.
 
“You wanted to compete with me, beat me, and then drop me?”
 
“… What do you mean? For what reason would I do such a thing?”
 
Senjougahara-senpai asked back seriously without any hint of evasion.
 
“To protect me,” I replied.
 
The outline was simple enough—there was no mistake that the original reason that she had come to the gym was to scout me for the track team after hearing rumors about me.
 
And she would surely have anticipated that there was a chance that I would say no to her invitation.
 
But what she did not anticipate was the super strength of my refusal—that is, my more-than-necessary, full-on rejection. And I had rejected her so rudely in front of all of her followers.
 
Senjougahara-senpai managed to keep things peaceful at that time, but, as they say, bad news travels fast. A newly enrolled first-year who dared to bare her teeth at the elegant and skilled Senjougahara Hitagi would be a rumor that reached every ear in record time, and when it did… my school life would have a very bleak outlook.
 
I had planned—which is to say, foolishly assumed—to deal with that problem when the time came, but Senjougahara-senpai had a way to prevent it from happening in the first place.
 
She was able to rein in the people who followed her directly, but she had no way of anticipating what others might do upon hearing the rumor—people are good on their own, but there’s plenty of bad to be found in a group. That was why Senjougahara-senpai needed to get ahead of the rumors and put an end to the story—and in a way that would let her be in the winning position. But it wasn’t just about her winning—she needed to win in such a way that it would be a close battle so as not to tarnish the reputation of the first-year rising star of the basketball team.
 
And so we had a free-throw contest.
 
… Thinking about it more, it had been strange for the team captain to just go along with whatever Senjougahara-senpai said, but then also be the one to decide on the rules for the contest in the way that she did… In other words, by having us take turns to do our free throws, they would be able to control the scores, and the two of them must have arranged the entire circumstance of our contest from the start, back whenever Senjougahara-senpai had gone to ask to borrow the uniform (which means I was completely wrong about the captain).
 
If I had accepted her challenge on the second day—which would have been the best for Senjougahara-senpai—she could have controlled her speed so as to put on a show of it being a close race between the two of us.
 
She must have a lot of confidence to have been so sure that she could “barely win in a neck-and-neck competition” in not only running on the track but also a free throw competition. That she was able to pull it off so cleanly, however, meant that I could not fault her for that confidence.
 
By clearly and definitively beating me and then, just as clearly and definitively, acknowledging my ability in a public space—which is to say, giving me permission to continue playing basketball—she would knock down the perceived conflict and defuse the situation with her fans who might have wished me harm.
 
“… Supposing that I had been thinking along those lines…”
 
Senjougahara-senpai spoke now in a flat, sober voice that was entirely unlike how she had been talking up until that point.
 
“Wouldn’t you be throwing away my consideration by confronting me and voicing your thoughts to me? Are you not undoing what I’ve just done?”
 
She was trying to tell me that I should follow her lead and subtly accept what she did for me. I let go of her wrist.
 
And then I took hold of her hand instead.
 
I did so gently.
 
I copied Senjougahara-senpai’s mannerisms of softness and kindness—she no doubt thought that I was trying to have a friendly parting handshake to show that there were no hard feelings, but instead I did something that was completely unexpected and kissed the back of her hand.
 
“W… What?!”
 
She practically screamed the word with surprise, and I straightened.
 
“No, I don’t think so.” I declared. “Because I have decided to accept your kindness and go far beyond what is necessary to repay it—Senjougahara-senpai.”
 
From now on, I am your dog.
 
That’s what I told her.
 
Senjougahara Hitagi and Kanbaru Suruga. The pair that would go on to be called the Valhalla Duo began here.
 
“Are you an idiot?”
 
I still think that those words and the cold smile that came with them were probably Senjougahara-senpai’s genuine, impartial reaction to what I had said.
 
 
As usual, thank you spr-o-ckt for contributing to this commission.
A cute little story. I wish we could see more of those that actually feels important rather than yet another pun-filled discussion about a random topic.
See you next time for another story !

Hi AskDocs friends,
Some preliminary information about me:
• I am 20 and AFAB (FtM, pre-transition).
• Physically, I likely have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (preliminary diagnosis as I have not been able to see a rheumatologist), whereas mentally, I am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and both generalised/social anxiety disorder.
• In the morning, I take 10ug Clonidine, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and Ashwaganda supplements. In the evenings, I take 50mg Quetiapine XR and Ashwagangha again. I also have the Mirena IUD levonorgestrel implant.
Last night I made the extremely poor decision to finish a bowl of pasta that had previously been thrice reheated and returned to the fridge and have been suffering the consequences ever since.
The offending bowl was consumed around 5:30pm last night and I started to experience the first symptoms around 8:00pm. This included bloating, stomach cramping, and gastric reflux. This escalated to severe nausea around 10pm that continued throughout the night and I was unable to vomit for most of the night, leaving me tossing and turning in bed between hourly bathroom trips to retch over the toilet. I was unable to keep many fluids down at this hour because not only would water make me extremely nauseous but it also would make me reflux into my mouth.
I finally was successful in vomiting around 7:30am and the vomit itself was a dark brown colour. Very liquidy with some chunks of undigested food in it, but no “coffee ground” appearance thankfully. Just very dark.
I managed to get back to sleep and woke up around 9:30am to get ready for my 10am - 1pm shift, which I am currently working. I work from home so I chose not to take the day off. Liquids are still making me feel nauseous, but it is not vomiting levels of nauseous anymore and I am able to keep it down. My biggest concern now is the severe ache I am feeling in my stomach - lying down has helped, but sitting up brings me to literal tears from pain. It seems to come in waves and can be described like a dull, twisting ache.
My question is whether this was a case of food poisoning (I do microbiology at university and have narrowed it down to either Bacillus cereus or Staphylococcus aureus), severe gastric reflux, or severe constipation. Severe GERD runs in my family and my dad in particular is on a prescription antacid due to Barrett’s esophagus caused by his reflux, and much of my experience has been unbearable reflux so far. Alternatively, I thought it may also be a case of severe constipation - practically every stool I have passed for months now has been hard and pebble-like, and I have been hospitalised as a child in the past for vomiting induced by severe constipation. I have been meaning to look into the potential of gastroparesis as I know it is common in folk with EDS. Finally, was just wanting to know at what point (if any) it would be smart to attend an emergency room for my symptoms?
Thanks so much in advance y’all. I am aware that eating the pasta was an incredibly stupid thing to do and I have sufficiently learnt my lesson, so please don’t be hard on me in the comments about this - I come from a poor background and have major food insecurities fears that make it very difficult for me to comfortably throw out food, but I will be pursuing psychological help regarding this anxiety as I would quite frankly rather starve than ever get this miserably sick again! 😭

Here's everything you need to know about PayPal $PYPL. Investment case, innovations, valuations, risks, competition. Everything.
OVERVIEW OF INVESTMENT CASE
Firstly, $PYPL isn't JUST a cheap value play. I truly believe $PYPL has the potential to continue to be the biggest payment processor in the world.
In this thread I'll discuss: - Fastlane - Ads business - Xoom - Braintree - Branded checkout - Venmo - FCF & Buybacks
If 2-3 turn of the above turn out well, then the added value to $PYPL will be huge.
MARGIN ANALYSIS
I'm going to start by looking at one of the core focuses that I'm tracking as part of my $PYPL investment case - margins.
Margins have been getting destroyed over the last 3 years from EBIT margins up at 28.2% down to 13.3% in 2022. This was all because the high margin branded businesses were extremely weak compared to the unbranded and lower margin businesses.
I also attached a graph showing the net and gross margins on a quarterly basis since June '21. We saw a good margin inflection in the quarter ending Dec '23 but then we saw a continued margin contraction again in the most recent quarter.
Management have spoke about this a lot and are laser focused on cost cutting efficiencies and adding simplicity to the business by focusing only on the most profitable segments of the business.
They're not there yet, and this is a clear risk...but I do believe we will start to see a slow change in trend in early 2025 onwards.
FASTLANE
Guest checkout represents about 60% of all checkout transactions so this is a huge TAM. Fastlane is basically a single sign on guest checkout experience which Chriss first introduced during their innovation day back in January.
The aim is to reduce checkout time by 40% and increase conversion rate considerably. Beta testing is showing that they are doing this very well with RETURNING FASTLANE USERS CONVERTING AT ~80%.
For context, guest checkout conversion rates are normally 40%.
If merchants are able to essentially double their conversion rates because of Fastlane, this will have a significant impact on their revenue...and if merchants revenue increases...who benefits? $PYPL
Also this is a branded checkout option meaning much higher margins. Merchants will be willing to pay if the product is as good as early data in beta testing suggests.
Even more importantly, non-PayPal users are opting to use Fastlane at a 40% rate. This appears to be the best checkout experience in the market. 2024 is all about onboarding the best customers before the holiday season and 2025 is all about pricing the product to value.
VENMO
Venmo has so far been a huge disappointment especially considering the strength of the brand, the growth (8% annually), and the affluent customer base.
With $18 BILLION of MONTHLY inflows into Venmo...ONLY 20% OF THAT REMAINS WITHIN VENMO AFTER 10 DAYS.
The 60 million Venmo users see Venmo one way - as a way to send money to friends. And that's it. Alex Chriss and management are fully aware of this.
Venmo is a huge untapped asset. $PYPL have introduced a Venmo debit card and are in the process of trying to get users to use Venmo as more of an alternative bank rather than just a way of sending money to friends. Peer-to-peer payments don't make much money compared to if Venmo were to be used as a bank. In fact, debit card users generate 6x more revenue than peer-to-peer.
$PYPL want Venmo to be used basically as a debit card and alternative bank. To have direct debits going into the company. To tap to pay etc etc.
And this transition is definitely slowly happening...
Venmo debit card user base grew 21% YoY whilst peer-to-peer payments grew 17% meaning more money is gradually staying within the Venmo network. I do believe this will happen but it'll continue to be a slow process simply because there are tons of alternative banks and because Venmo for some time has just been used for the sole purpose of peer-to-peer purposes.
The good news is that the user base is HUGE and ACTIVE. With good incentives to keep money within the network this will gradually grow. Marketing emails are being sent out consistently but for now the incentives need to improve in my opinion.
What does Venmo have to offer over other alternative banks currently? Not much in my opinion. The shift will continue to be very slow unless the value proposition is improved.
Another quick note on the most recent Venmo news around transaction fees for payments of goods and services is increasing to 2.99%. This is good news...though some people don't understand why. Here's why:

1. Previously, fees on Venmo payments for goods and services was 1.9% + 10 cents. This was cheaper than $PYPL branded transaction processing which is 2.99%.
   
2. Therefore this brings the two in line to stop them competing against each other.
   
3. This won't contract Venmo volume because peer-to-peer is still free and is still the highest use case of Venmo by quite a lot. Venmo is not really used for merchants much at all.
   

Nevertheless, this is an untapped goldmine and if $PYPL can execute on this well over the next 2 years, then this is being massively ignored in the $PYPL valuation.
ADS BUSINESS
Now this is very exciting and I think it could be huge for $PYPL. $PYPL hired the Mark Grether who was the leader of the ads business at $UBER who took it to a $1 billion run rate in a pretty short time.
There's no reason $PYPL can't do this and do it even bigger. Here's why:
$PYPL has doubles-sided data. They know where shoppers are shopping and they know who is selling as they have tons of data on both. $PYPL have the ability to connect them and they'll receive a fee every time these ads are converted.
There's very few companies out there that have the amount of double-sided data that $PYPL does. This could be a huge business and a very high margin business.
"About a quarter of the worlds $6 trillion in digital commerce runs through PayPal each year. With nearly 400 million active accounts, and the scale of PayPal's transaction data, PayPal is uniquely positioned to shape a new era of commerce discovery, help merchants acquire new customers, and reengage existing ones." - Mark Grether
Grether is the man to do it as well. He's an absolute veteran in the advertising business. He has been the previous leaders of advertising at $AMZN and at $UBER
XOOM
Xoom is $PYPL's product that allows users to safely, and reliably send money abroad. It's not performed well at all and has shown pretty stagnant growth for a number of years now due to no prioritization from management.
This is all changing. They're using $PYUSD for FEE FREE TRANSFERS. They're becoming strict on the markets they work with. They've redone the interface.
I'm less focused on Xoom, but it's just another potential added catalyst to the investment case. I think management are far more focused elsewhere as well, but at least they are innovating here.
BRAINTREE
Braintree currently boasts around 10% market share and is growing at solid rates (~26% in the quarter). They’ve put a big focus into improving auth rates, uptime, and reliability and have created what Chriss deems to be the best in the market.
The issue with Braintree hasn’t been the product though - it’s been PYPL’s inability to price to value mainly because the merchants haven’t been painted a full picture of what Braintree actually offers on an end-to-end strategic roadmap.
Management are therefore putting a large focus on marketing and painting the full picture of the extremely good product that Braintree is. Merchants are slowly coming aboard as they find out about the offerings.
RISKS
$PYPL isn't a risk free investment by any stretch of the imagination and I think here on FinX it's a pretty even split between bulls and bears.
Bears say:

• The products are poor
• Active customer accounts is declining
• $PYPL is a value trap
• $PYPL has little to no growth
• There's too much competition

I say:

• The products WERE poor. The problem here is that all of the innovations are in extremely early stages aside form Fastlane and Venmo where there is actual data showing improving trends (80% conversion rates and growing debit card users). Of course, this is all early stage data and the risk here is that management has got the public overexcited about the actual potential of these products. It's true management (Alex Chriss - @acce) has done an incredible job at changing the sentiment around $PYPL. It was dire 6 months ago and now there is hope. For those that see his vision like I do, the risk is that we potentially are being too hopeful and acting too early. That's a risk, but I see his vision and I like what he's doing. I think the risk to reward is very strong.
  
• Active accounts are declining yes because branded checkout has been extremely weak compared to competitors. My answer is the same as above. $PYPL management are actively adding AI, password-less checkout experiences, and frictionless checkout. All of this should have happened 2-3 years ago but it didn't. Is it too late? Of course not.
  
• $PYPL is not a value trap. $PYPL is a dirt cheap quality company currently being valued at basically 0% growth because the sentiment around the stock was that bad.
  
• $PYPL is not growing as much as it used to no. But the last year has seen revenue growth creep up towards double digits again. 7.1% growth 8.4% 8.7% 9.4% guidance in the double digits. To value $PYPL at pretty much 0% growth is insane.
  
• Yes there has been growing competition but $PYPL still has the largest customer base in the world, and still is the number 1 player in branded checkout. 1/4 of the world's digital commerce transactions runs through $PYPL. People underestimate just how big $PYPL are. It's crazy.
  

BUYBACKS
There's been questions surrounding whether $PYPL would pay dividends but Chriss said maybe at a later data as the focus is currently all on buybacks of "at least $5 billion" which represents more than 100% of PayPal's FCF.
To me, it's quite clear they'll do way more buybacks than $5 billion. Here's why:
Quite recently, $PYPL announced an offering for a senior unconverted loan note of $1.25 billion. This is NOT because $PYPL are running out of money. They're generated at least $5 billion in FCF annually (Most likely in the mid $6 billion range).
It's also likely not for any acquisitions as Chriss has said they are focused on trimming and efficiency rather than adding any complexities at the moment.
Therefore, the most likely use care of this debt will be to refinance some 2024 maturing debt meaning they won't have to use FCF and existing cash on this. This will leave them will all their FCF and existing cash to fuel buybacks.
This is of course my best guess, but to me it seems pretty likely. All in all, this suggests much greater than $5 billion in buybacks. I hope so.
ANALYSTS
We haven't seen a whole lot of movement in analysts price predictions for $PYPL until recently when Dolev (Mizuho) upgraded $PYPL PT to $90. This is the first of many.
Dolev wasn't too bothered by the $PYPL Fastlane product until recently when he said that:
The 80% checkout conversion for returning customers is a lift of "$1.0-1.5 billion in transaction margin dollar (5-10% upside) over the medium term given the $1.43 trillion of annual e-commerce spend that we believe is addressable by Fastlane."
This PT uplift is mainly centered around Fastlane. Wait until we start to see some success and data around Venmo, ads, Xoom, and Braintree.
OWNERSHIP
Insiders, super-investors, and institutions have been buying up $PYPL consistently.
Paul Tudor Jones recently sold 78% of his $NVDA position and for $57 million worth of $PYPL.
Jim Simon also sold 66% of $NVDA and bought 2.1 million in $PYPL.
Cathie Woods has also been a recent buyer of $PYPL. Now I don't celebrate Cathie owning $PYPL and it doesn't mean much to me, but she's a high profile name and this does get eyeballs on the company that is well needed.
VALUATION
From a valuation perspective, $PYPL is dirt cheap. The company has a 5-yr revenue CAGR of 13.87% and earnings CAGR of 14.4%.
Despite that, it trades at a multiple of 2x EV/Sales and 14.9x non-GAAP forward earnings (vs 6.5x and 32.7x respectively 5 year averages).
Of course, the low multiples suggest the market is worried about the lack of long-term growth but as I've tried to outline in this thread, the amount of growth potential is pretty huge, even if only 2-3 of the innovations actually are successful.
Original Post / Credit: https://x.com/MMMTwealth/status/1798760724271124863?t=5r-arVtCeXxXKpmcos3CMg&s=19

1. Carlin and Evan pretended they were on vacation alone again this year but really they were with their new favorites. Sorry PopPop and Ninni, you’ve been replaced by the new Cult Church Pastor and his family. Proving that they are serious about this influencer grift, the Stew Crew met up with 4 other Trad wife Family Vloggers and Carlin showed that she can be like all the TikTok girlies and eat crab legs, too! She swung by a Chick-fil-a on the way home to wash the taste out of her mouth. It was a week of the standard beach pics, kids in bikinis and speedos while the adults wore modest swimsuits, ice cream, family fit checks and Evan invading all of Mexico Beach’s privacy with his drone. In a clear case of one up man ship, Carlin forced her entire family to wake up at 3:40am, dress up and go to the beach for a sunrise photo shoot. Pure torture and proof that this was not a vacation, but a work trip. These poor babies never get a break. Once they made it home it was business as usual with Layla in a crop top selling bracelets. Evan popped in with a 2 second proof of life of the dog. Izzy probably enjoyed a week without a camera and hearing “are you excited? Isn’t that exciting? Say it again… look over here”…sigh…
   
2. Katie was obviously miserable all week at the Jersey Shore with travis’ family bc she was relatively quiet and there was no new vlog from the Clark family this week. She pushed a few links, made a reel featuring her baby doing things all babies do and called her the sweetest one year old EVER. Of course we know how important being SWEET is in this crowd. She also bought some glass beads down the shore and used those to show us all what color eyes they have… because that’s riveting content also. By the way… Travis Clark? Not on tour.
   
3. The Bates Family beauty queen Josie Balka spent the majority of the week in her bathroom filming hair and makeup tutorials. She used creative wording to make people believe she isn’t wearing extensions, but she can’t hide the fact that the pool noodle isn’t holding her curl all day. Someone took to the comments to rat out the fact that come July, Mrs Balka will no longer be available for wedding makeup. Josie continues to push her workout content and this week did CrossFit with her pool noodle in and her 3 kids roaming around a garage. Josie ditched the Memorial Day cookout at the big house to hang out with the Balkas. Kelton is turning up the heat on his chef career and made Tuscan salmon and roasted chickens this week. His cooking videos feature overhead shots and close ups… Zach could never. Josie pushed links while showcasing the girls in their new crocs. She is also selling a hair supplement that works out to cost $2.30 per pill. They wrapped up the week at Kelton’s flag football game. Josie agreed to attend and feature it on her IG without the pool noodle in her hair.
   
4. Summer is happening full throttle at the Webster’s down in Florida…& that means… coffee, cleaning out the school room and working out in the gym. The excitement can hardly be contained. Alyssa finally scored a partnership this week… it’s for a Wallie phone case and hopefully she sold enough to afford the next trip to Costco. Maci was Alyssa’s target this week and she was forced several times to sing a song while her mom filmed her and said “LOUDER, LOUDER”… Maci looked terrified and managed to whimper out the ABC’s and that old cult classic “The Lord’s Army”. Alyssa is back to filtering her children’s faces off and poor baby Rhett looks like his is melting off while she runs behind him screaming “isn’t he the funniest? Isn’t he the cutest? I can’t stand it!!” Yea… neither can we. Proving that she isn’t estranged from her entire family, Jackson came over and Alyssa pretended that he was begging her to cut his hair. She told us how she grew up poor and was forced to give haircuts even though she hated it and wasn’t very good at it. Jackson played along to give his sister some content. In return he sharpened her knives bc that’s yet another thing her goofy husband cannot do. John doesn’t have time anyway bc he is running away to a softball game. Alone. Again. In a last ditch attempt to bring Alyssa back into the fold, Kelly instructed everyone to go comment on her reel featuring Rhett…Carlin, Lydia, Whit and Ellie followed orders. Later Alyssa decided to put all of the children’s books on the very highest shelf where the only way to reach them is with a step ladder. Lurch watched. She also had to have Allie tell her where Lexie was because apparently she had no clue. She showed the depressing, colorless school room filled with CD’s and by 8pm filmed herself with dead eyes saying she needed her kids to go to bed. The unhappiness is just oozing out.
   
5. Whitney and Zach spent the week at Folly and in Charleston. They ate at Loggerheads Bar and TBonz Grill &Chill and I really feel like Zach may have had a beer and Whitney sipped a White Claw. Whitney wore her bikini and crop tops and Zach went shirtless and wore shorts and they are dangerously close to seeming normal. They insisted on using some Instagram crap sunscreen and poor Kacie got a bad sunburn. They played around with the TikTok trend of jumping from one place to another and heavily featured all of their kids all week in bathing suits. Over in the Bates Kitchen this week Zach made the exotic dish known as Stuffed Mushrooms. He explained how he grew up eating a severely limited menu and on his honeymoon in Hawaii they ate Subway and KFC. He held his dish up for the camera this week and used a clear bowl but that’s as good as it’s gonna get bc apparently his camera just cannot move. The recipe featured 6 different chunks of cheese and some dried Great Value seasonings and Zach told us he is taking knife lessons because he doesn’t have a clue what he is doing. Yet he still believes he is good enough to have a cooking channel.
   
6. In his continuing trend of telling too much and showing too much Trace Bates filmed a Memorial Day cookout at the Big House and showed all the nooks and crannies and mercy that place is a hot mess. Crap is piled in every corner, on every shelf, that huge old sectional is spotted and stained and has grease spots from heads and all the kitchen cabinets are just left wide open. Kelly Joe is piled up on the couch and there seems to be an old sheet hanging in a window. Whew! Lydia’s family joined in for the cookout and they are just obsessed with pickle ball. They spent the week at the beach with the Romeike’s and Ryker was miserable on the flight and just about cut their tail. Lydia had PTSD thinking about the flight home. Lydia and Trace later dress Ryker like Larry from 3’s Company in a baby leisure suit. He would have fit right in down at the Regal Beagle. Their beach photo trip featured Trace in his jeans rolled up like capris. When they got back home they tried to sell us a camera that fits up your nose and in your ear… watching Trace Bates dig around in his ear is just a bridge too far for me. Big news… Lydia gets to go on a girls trip soon… and she gets to take the baby with her. That is the exact opposite of a girls trip, but what’s she supposed to do… leave the kid with Trace??
   
7. Michael and Brandon are back to arts and crafts this week. Brandon checked out JebJud from the big house so he would have an excuse to color and forced him to film trying to draw a badger. What they drew did not, in fact, look anything like a badger… it was a grey and black blob. Brandon said this is strictly because badgers don’t live in Tennessee. Well Brandon, neither do whales and you drew those several times.
   
8. Erin Bates is slowly slipping back onto social media but because Chad said she had to be purposeful she is steadily cramming weird old yard axe preachers down her viewers throats. We first heard a very pointed message from some old dude who believes mothers would grab trinkets and leave their children behind in a house fire. Later she shared a reel featuring her dad preaching, but she was just warming up. She decided to sit down ole Gil and have him give his testimony on her YouTube. Testimony is apparently fundie for “lie and rewrite history” bc Gil said when he was 15 he skipped school to go drink beer with his buddies but just before taking a sip of the devil’s elixir he stumbled upon a Bible and spent the rest of the day looking up Bible words in the dictionary while those other boys drank Budweiser and looked at girlie magazines. Testimony also is fundie for “fairy tale”. Shut up Gil. Later Erin attended Bible Baptist and showed us little Carson fervently taking notes. She is pushing her cardboard cards in a special Father’s Day box that includes an amazing free gift… a Bic Pen!!! Hurry and order now. She told us she and Tori are living their dream and wrapped up the week with a Rocky Top Recap that quietly left out Carlin. Such a Christian thing to do…
   
9. Tiffy Bates is 33 weeks pregnant and went as Lawson’s date to the Hermitage for an AHA fundraiser. This former actress is now just Mrs. Lawson Bates as he took top billing. Their vlogs were both old and recycled and one featured footage from last year’s Medicorp trip to Turkey where they let them package trail mix to stay out of the way of the real work being done there. If you ever wonder who the people are that buy BSB dresses… they are the same ones who have sent Lawson&Tiffy TONS OF BABY GIFTS. Sickening to see when there are SO many mothers who struggle and need help. Lawson said growing up his dad kept the cars with no gas in them and then whichever kid got in to drive would have to use their money to pay for gas. Man Gil is a real piece of work! Lawson made Tiffy do a fit check and called her Pookie. Why do they refer to each other as “boys” and “girls” and why are they constantly talking to the camera asking their viewers asinine questions about things that won’t matter by the time they get the answers?? Tiffy is also selling that weird ear camera and I don’t want to see her earwax either. Lawson and Evan decided to sing a little R. Kelly in the vlog for fun….& they ended the week with Lawson saying he was going to get fat because Tiffy cooked a roast beef dinner.
   
10. Bits and Bytes… Kelly shared Ellie’s reel from the farm… Kelly announced that Warden and his sidekick Dylan have a new business striping things. Like putting down stripes… for game courts I guess? Didn’t know that was an in demand thing… Josie’s girls are still in gymnastics…could the current string of Bates boys be the Lord’s way of saying “stop exploiting your daughters”??
    

Have a great week friends and remember… according to the Bible…Christian women should NOT make coffee… it’s right there in “HeBrews”

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/iid3.972

My thoughts are since it can reduce IL-6 and IL-6 is elevated in Sjogren's. Some supplement companies market it for Sjogren's but I wanted to hear from anyone who has tried it themselves, not as part of a study.

The immunomodulatory effects of lactoferrin and its derived peptides on NF-κB signaling pathway: A systematic review and meta-analysis

Hojjat Allah Yami
The immunomodulatory effects of lactoferrin and its derived peptides on NF-κB signaling pathway: A systematic review and meta-analysis
Hojjat Allah Yami, Mojtaba Tahmoorespur, Ali Javadmanesh, Abbas Tazarghi, Mohammad Hadi SekhavatiFirst published: 10 August 2023

Abstract

Background

Lactoferrin is a versatile protein with important modulatory functions in inflammation and immune response. This glycoprotein can bind and sequester iron and LPS, thereby intervening in certain signaling pathways and biological processes. In the present meta-analysis, we aimed to pool experimental data regarding the immunomodulatory effects of lactoferrin and its derived peptides on the NF-κB signaling pathway.

Materials

We searched PubMed, Google Scholar, and Web of Science databases and obtained all related articles published before April 2022. Finally, 25 eligible studies were selected, and their reports were analyzed.

Methods

We used Review Manager Version 5.2 to compute the standardized mean difference (SMD) and its 95% confidence interval. In addition, the source of heterogeneity was explored using meta-regression and sensitivity analysis. The symmetry of the funnel plot and Egger's test were also used to evaluate publication bias utilizing Comprehensive Meta-Analysis Version 2.

Results

Comparing the group of cells and animals exposed to lipopolysaccharide alone with the group that received pretreatment with lactoferrin and its derivatives, we observed significant reductions in TNF-α, IL-1 beta, and IL-6 levels by 8.73 pg/mL, 2.21 pg/mL, and 3.24 pg/mL, respectively, in the second group. Additionally, IKK-β, p-IκB, and NF-κB (p65) levels were significantly lower by 7.37-fold, 15.02-fold, and 3.88-fold, respectively, in various cells and tissues.

Conclusion

Based on the results of this meta-analysis, lactoferrin and its derived peptides can be considered potent prophylactic and therapeutic candidates against inflammation-associated diseases by targeting the NF-kB pathway.

1. Carlin and Evan pretended they were on vacation alone again this year but really they were with their new favorites. Sorry PopPop and Ninni, you’ve been replaced by the new Cult Church Pastor and his family. Proving that they are serious about this influencer grift, the Stew Crew met up with 4 other Trad wife Family Vloggers and Carlin showed that she can be like all the TikTok girlies and eat crab legs, too! She swung by a Chick-fil-a on the way home to wash the taste out of her mouth. It was a week of the standard beach pics, kids in bikinis and speedos while the adults wore modest swimsuits, ice cream, family fit checks and Evan invading all of Mexico Beach’s privacy with his drone. In a clear case of one up man ship, Carlin forced her entire family to wake up at 3:40am, dress up and go to the beach for a sunrise photo shoot. Pure torture and proof that this was not a vacation, but a work trip. These poor babies never get a break. Once they made it home it was business as usual with Layla in a crop top selling bracelets. Evan popped in with a 2 second proof of life of the dog. Izzy probably enjoyed a week without a camera and hearing “are you excited? Isn’t that exciting? Say it again… look over here”…sigh…
   
2. Katie was obviously miserable all week at the Jersey Shore with travis’ family bc she was relatively quiet and there was no new vlog from the Clark family this week. She pushed a few links, made a reel featuring her baby doing things all babies do and called her the sweetest one year old EVER. Of course we know how important being SWEET is in this crowd. She also bought some glass beads down the shore and used those to show us all what color eyes they have… because that’s riveting content also. By the way… Travis Clark? Not on tour.
   
3. The Bates Family beauty queen Josie Balka spent the majority of the week in her bathroom filming hair and makeup tutorials. She used creative wording to make people believe she isn’t wearing extensions, but she can’t hide the fact that the pool noodle isn’t holding her curl all day. Someone took to the comments to rat out the fact that come July, Mrs Balka will no longer be available for wedding makeup. Josie continues to push her workout content and this week did CrossFit with her pool noodle in and her 3 kids roaming around a garage. Josie ditched the Memorial Day cookout at the big house to hang out with the Balkas. Kelton is turning up the heat on his chef career and made Tuscan salmon and roasted chickens this week. His cooking videos feature overhead shots and close ups… Zach could never. Josie pushed links while showcasing the girls in their new crocs. She is also selling a hair supplement that works out to cost $2.30 per pill. They wrapped up the week at Kelton’s flag football game. Josie agreed to attend and feature it on her IG without the pool noodle in her hair.
   
4. Summer is happening full throttle at the Webster’s down in Florida…& that means… coffee, cleaning out the school room and working out in the gym. The excitement can hardly be contained. Alyssa finally scored a partnership this week… it’s for a Wallie phone case and hopefully she sold enough to afford the next trip to Costco. Maci was Alyssa’s target this week and she was forced several times to sing a song while her mom filmed her and said “LOUDER, LOUDER”… Maci looked terrified and managed to whimper out the ABC’s and that old cult classic “The Lord’s Army”. Alyssa is back to filtering her children’s faces off and poor baby Rhett looks like his is melting off while she runs behind him screaming “isn’t he the funniest? Isn’t he the cutest? I can’t stand it!!” Yea… neither can we. Proving that she isn’t estranged from her entire family, Jackson came over and Alyssa pretended that he was begging her to cut his hair. She told us how she grew up poor and was forced to give haircuts even though she hated it and wasn’t very good at it. Jackson played along to give his sister some content. In return he sharpened her knives bc that’s yet another thing her goofy husband cannot do. John doesn’t have time anyway bc he is running away to a softball game. Alone. Again. In a last ditch attempt to bring Alyssa back into the fold, Kelly instructed everyone to go comment on her reel featuring Rhett…Carlin, Lydia, Whit and Ellie followed orders. Later Alyssa decided to put all of the children’s books on the very highest shelf where the only way to reach them is with a step ladder. Lurch watched. She also had to have Allie tell her where Lexie was because apparently she had no clue. She showed the depressing, colorless school room filled with CD’s and by 8pm filmed herself with dead eyes saying she needed her kids to go to bed. The unhappiness is just oozing out.
   
5. Whitney and Zach spent the week at Folly and in Charleston. They ate at Loggerheads Bar and TBonz Grill &Chill and I really feel like Zach may have had a beer and Whitney sipped a White Claw. Whitney wore her bikini and crop tops and Zach went shirtless and wore shorts and they are dangerously close to seeming normal. They insisted on using some Instagram crap sunscreen and poor Kacie got a bad sunburn. They played around with the TikTok trend of jumping from one place to another and heavily featured all of their kids all week in bathing suits. Over in the Bates Kitchen this week Zach made the exotic dish known as Stuffed Mushrooms. He explained how he grew up eating a severely limited menu and on his honeymoon in Hawaii they ate Subway and KFC. He held his dish up for the camera this week and used a clear bowl but that’s as good as it’s gonna get bc apparently his camera just cannot move. The recipe featured 6 different chunks of cheese and some dried Great Value seasonings and Zach told us he is taking knife lessons because he doesn’t have a clue what he is doing. Yet he still believes he is good enough to have a cooking channel.
   
6. In his continuing trend of telling too much and showing too much Trace Bates filmed a Memorial Day cookout at the Big House and showed all the nooks and crannies and mercy that place is a hot mess. Crap is piled in every corner, on every shelf, that huge old sectional is spotted and stained and has grease spots from heads and all the kitchen cabinets are just left wide open. Kelly Joe is piled up on the couch and there seems to be an old sheet hanging in a window. Whew! Lydia’s family joined in for the cookout and they are just obsessed with pickle ball. They spent the week at the beach with the Romeike’s and Ryker was miserable on the flight and just about cut their tail. Lydia had PTSD thinking about the flight home. Lydia and Trace later dress Ryker like Larry from 3’s Company in a baby leisure suit. He would have fit right in down at the Regal Beagle. Their beach photo trip featured Trace in his jeans rolled up like capris. When they got back home they tried to sell us a camera that fits up your nose and in your ear… watching Trace Bates dig around in his ear is just a bridge too far for me. Big news… Lydia gets to go on a girls trip soon… and she gets to take the baby with her. That is the exact opposite of a girls trip, but what’s she supposed to do… leave the kid with Trace??
   
7. Michael and Brandon are back to arts and crafts this week. Brandon checked out JebJud from the big house so he would have an excuse to color and forced him to film trying to draw a badger. What they drew did not, in fact, look anything like a badger… it was a grey and black blob. Brandon said this is strictly because badgers don’t live in Tennessee. Well Brandon, neither do whales and you drew those several times.
   
8. Erin Bates is slowly slipping back onto social media but because Chad said she had to be purposeful she is steadily cramming weird old yard axe preachers down her viewers throats. We first heard a very pointed message from some old dude who believes mothers would grab trinkets and leave their children behind in a house fire. Later she shared a reel featuring her dad preaching, but she was just warming up. She decided to sit down ole Gil and have him give his testimony on her YouTube. Testimony is apparently fundie for “lie and rewrite history” bc Gil said when he was 15 he skipped school to go drink beer with his buddies but just before taking a sip of the devil’s elixir he stumbled upon a Bible and spent the rest of the day looking up Bible words in the dictionary while those other boys drank Budweiser and looked at girlie magazines. Testimony also is fundie for “fairy tale”. Shut up Gil. Later Erin attended Bible Baptist and showed us little Carson fervently taking notes. She is pushing her cardboard cards in a special Father’s Day box that includes an amazing free gift… a Bic Pen!!! Hurry and order now. She told us she and Tori are living their dream and wrapped up the week with a Rocky Top Recap that quietly left out Carlin. Such a Christian thing to do…
   
9. Tiffy Bates is 33 weeks pregnant and went as Lawson’s date to the Hermitage for an AHA fundraiser. This former actress is now just Mrs. Lawson Bates as he took top billing. Their vlogs were both old and recycled and one featured footage from last year’s Medicorp trip to Turkey where they let them package trail mix to stay out of the way of the real work being done there. If you ever wonder who the people are that buy BSB dresses… they are the same ones who have sent Lawson&Tiffy TONS OF BABY GIFTS. Sickening to see when there are SO many mothers who struggle and need help. Lawson said growing up his dad kept the cars with no gas in them and then whichever kid got in to drive would have to use their money to pay for gas. Man Gil is a real piece of work! Lawson made Tiffy do a fit check and called her Pookie. Why do they refer to each other as “boys” and “girls” and why are they constantly talking to the camera asking their viewers asinine questions about things that won’t matter by the time they get the answers?? Tiffy is also selling that weird ear camera and I don’t want to see her earwax either. Lawson and Evan decided to sing a little R. Kelly in the vlog for fun….& they ended the week with Lawson saying he was going to get fat because Tiffy cooked a roast beef dinner.
   
10. Bits and Bytes… Kelly shared Ellie’s reel from the farm… Kelly announced that Warden and his sidekick Dylan have a new business striping things. Like putting down stripes… for game courts I guess? Didn’t know that was an in demand thing… Josie’s girls are still in gymnastics…could the current string of Bates boys be the Lord’s way of saying “stop exploiting your daughters”??
    

Have a great week friends and remember… according to the Bible…Christian women should NOT make coffee… it’s right there in “HeBrews”

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Director of Hepatobiliary Pancreatic and Gastrointestinal Oncology
Dr. Nagarajan's expertise is further recognized by his position as the Director of Hepatobiliary Pancreatic and Gastrointestinal Oncology at Nanavati Max Institute of Cancer Care, a leading cancer care facility in Mumbai. This leadership role reflects his extensive knowledge, surgical skills, and experience in managing complex GI and HBP cancers.
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With over 15,000 consultations and countless successful surgeries performed, Dr. Nagarajan has a wealth of experience in treating a wide range of GI cancers. He is adept at performing complex surgical procedures, ensuring patients receive the most effective treatment possible.
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P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now.
In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. Please check your google. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

I wound up seeing someone after my break up. However, im afraid that im suffering from the phantom ex syndrome. As much as i am grateful to have someone who adores me and worships the ground i walk on while i’m in a dark place, on the inside i feel like he’s just a consolation prize rather than a trophy (i know thats fucked up but hey, this is anonymous right?).
. It’s just harder to start over with someone who you didn’t spend your golden years with. Nostalgia is one hell of a drug and i am hitting it HARD. Especially because i feel like it was a cruel twist of fate that broke us up. i don’t know what to do with all that bitterness. I don’t want to take it out on my new boyfriend, but i don’t deserve to suffer alone either. I think i deserve companionship and i can’t waste time cuz yeah i spent my whole youth with someone special and time doesn’t stop. I know people will say im still young, but when you’re a girl, you have a biological clock and BOY can i hear it ticking.
This is super selfish of me, but i’ve been selfless all my life and it never got me anywhere. I have to admit I’ve started following the mentality that you should find a man who loves you more than you love him because it keeps you safe by giving you the upper hand…yikes. It was so equal with my ex, lets call him dan. we would fight over who loved the other more and sometimes i believed him, sometimes he believed me, it was reciprocal. Now with the new guy (jay) im just soaking it up to nurse my wounds. I feel guilty about it but there isnt anything else to do. I cant expect to meet a 30 year old version of my ex. I have to take time till im open to loving someone new as they are.
I’ll just try to focus on the great qualities this new guys has. He remembers every little thing i say, buys me gifts, makes me his top priority, doesn’t have instagram or snapchat, is super grateful for every ounce of affection i give him (which i haven’t given him very much btw), he has great hair, he is emotionally available (which is just WOW), he has been alone for a long time so he really truly appreciates me and any attention i give him, The first time he came over he let me fall asleep on the couch to the sound of him telling me how wonderful and beautiful i am and didn’t expect any intimacy in return, he takes care of his elderly mother. he has a good job, he dotes on me like a princess, he is quite romantic actually and he is able to say the swoon-worthy things every girl wants to hear, he genuinely cares about me as a person, he is patient,
So whats wring with him? Well….im ashamed to admit it but im not physically attracted to him. I’ve been with conventionally unattractive boys in my youth, and it never bothered me before. However, dan was both supermodel gorgeous AND my soul mate….sooo he’s pretty damn hard to compete with right? Let’s be honest, i cant expect to find another perfect 10 who has all the qualities this new guy has or i’ll end up ALONE. I better knock some sense into myself and appreciate him, despite the lack of attraction. I’m 27, I gotta be realistic right? It’s hard because if i have sexual fantasies, then i’ll be thinking of dan. If i watch porn i’ll be looking at guys who look exactly like my ex and i’ll start feeling nostalgic about the best years of my life. So i’m trying no/fap and celibacy to try and undo my sexual circuitry. Hopefully this helps me broaden my horizons in terms of what i find attractive?
I know people will say that he deserves someone who is attracted to him. But i think we need to address the elephant in the room. Not everyone is good looking, but everyone deserves love. As you get older, this becomes more and more common because both men and women become less attractive as they age. And yes, the average woman will say that only 20-10% of men are good looking. It doesn’t matter how much money he makes, women will find certain things aesthetically pleasing.
This new guy has a rather sad relationship history. About 10 years ago, he had a long distance relationship with a girl. After months of talking, they decide to meet up. She texts him that she’s super excited to see him….then he shows up to her house. she is stone cold to him. She refuses to hug or kiss him or be affectionate at all. After a week of solid awkwardness she admits that she is not attracted to him and just wants to be friends…like bro this poor guy FLEW OUT to get friendzoned. And since then he has only had mediocre half baked short term relationships with women who just seem to want free dinners. When he told me all this, i felt that i must protect him at all costs. And now look at me, dreaming about my ex every night like a homesick puppy. I feel guilty, but i do care about him and i think we could be great together in time. I worry that im a bad person, but i stuck to the Ten Commandments all my life and i feel like my life is a living hell designed just for me(sorry Jesus, i still love you).
I think I’m emotionally attracted to him because of how lonely he had been. Loneliness makes you appreciate people more, and long stretches of loneliness seems to make people more ready to have deep connections. I think i find it attractive because i can relate to his loneliness and his insecurity. I like that he needs reassurance sometimes because im used to being the one who asks for it. Every now and then, at certain angles the light hits him just right and he looks pretty good. No one is perfect and just because im well aware that my beauty will fade in time.
I’ve done everything i can to make myself beautiful. I spent 15k on a bbl, spend hundreds on skincare, i use sunscreen neurotically, and work out frequently and use creatine to make myself as “slim thick” as my genetics allow. The funny thing is, i never expected to be with a guy as hot as my ex, i just wanted to be the hot one. And now that i have grown accustomed to that I’m totally spoiled rotten. He was my dream boy. Even when i have wet dreams, i imagine dan because even the darkest recesses of my subconscious mind agrees that he is the sexiest man alive. Tmi but i could worship his body all day and never get bored. I was with him for almost 5 years and i only fantasized about him. I never strayed even mentally.
When i was with my ex i would find it so so cute and endearing when he would gain weight/get acne/a bad haircut/ etc because i truly envisioned growing old together and i hence envisioned a hot grandpa/ hot dad-bod version of him ALL THE TIME. Even if my ex became morbidly obese i would worship his cock, so WHY am i so bothered by the fact that this new guy is a little chubby? I would kiss my ex before he brushed his teeth in the morning so why do i hate the way jay smells so much?
I am developing feelings for this new guy, it just isn’t that honeymoon phase i typically expect. He deserves soooo much more than what he has gotten. I feel like he has only seen the worst side of me. he is utterly infatuated with me despite the fact that i’m a shadow of who I once was. He comforts me when im too sad to speak .He is patiently waiting for me to open up to him. This makes me think that if i stay with him for a few months and get over my ex, then we will have the ideal relationship. It might even be better than what i had with my ex, atleast on an emotional and intellectual level. I just have to let go of the attachment and lust i have for my ex….but
The shitty thing is, i’ve been in jays shoes. My very first boyfriend was an older guy who was in love with the “phantom ex” who he spent his golden age with. Lets call him manny. His heartbreak was so deep that he fell into suicidal ideation (and a heroin addiction). I spent a whole year feeling inadequate, like i could never live up to this pink haired angel he traveled the world with. I have to make SURE i don’t drag jay through that hell because he is a good person. So how can i force myself to be affectionate towards him? Do i just dive in and force myself to be intimate with him to rip the bandaid off? Do i just focus on his good qualities and idealize him in my mind till the attraction grows? I cant use alcohol, tried that and wound up crying about my ex instead of hooking up with the new guy like i planned.
Lets think about what manny did wrong so i can avoid repeating the cycle. He talked about his ex constantly. I’ve been very good about not talking about mine. Heeee used heroin. Luckily Im not THAT self destructive. He dismissed my emotions and invalidated me at every turn. I definitely wont be doing that. He tried to convince me i was crazy and literally mentally unwell. Im definitely not doing that. He picked out my every flaw……okay well atleast i’m not vocalizing it when i notice the new guys flaws.
I remember the way manny frustrated me. I would say things like “it’s never too late to open yourself up to new love, and new memories”. I would let him be sad about his ex and hold space for him, but the more compassion i showed the more he would say “you could never understand what it’s like to spend your life with someone and have them leave”. Now i get it. It’s the nostalgia, the way we romanticize the past. It’s even better in our minds when we reimagine it. It makes you feel foolish for not enjoying the moment more. I woukd always look at manny anf say , just enjoy this moment with me, just enjoy our time together now and create new memories, new bonds. Now i see…i even understand why he would hit the syringe and smoke cigarette after cigarette. Now i know how he felt the whole time, and yes i forgive him, i forgive him for EVERYTHING. But that forgiveness isn’t enough to heal me.
Also sorry this is not edited at all. It’s pure stream of consciousness, so enjoy the sight of my thoughts spiraling.

I was only fifteen years old when I started having constant diarrhea, no matter what I ate. I was always skinny, but in just under two months of going to the bathroom up to eight times a day, my parents noticed the pounds dropping off and forcibly took me to go see my pediatrician. I was 5'2 and 102 pounds before all of it, but at the doctor's I weighed in at 87 pounds. I was sent to the emergency of a Children's Hospital and they admitted me, initially in with the anorexics.
After several tests they diagnosed me with Crohn's disease and I was transferred to the gastroenterology wing. Immediately we were told about Remicade and Imuran. My parents were always somewhat health-nuts, and distrustful of doctors, so they did their own online research. The doctors would try to speak to me on my own and make these drugs seem like miraculous healing injections. "You could eat whatever you want, go out with your friends and not be left out..." etc. One lady ended that talk with "of course, there is a small risk of developing lymphoma, but you know you could eat what you want!". We once saw the pharmaceutical rep for Remicade exit the office of the head of the department, and my parents told me how the doctors get handsomely paid to prescribe certain drugs.
My mom read online that some people could control their symptoms with diets, like the Seignalet diet. So, being fifteen, I decided to go with what my parents thought was best. My Crohn's was very spread at the time, but mainly in the small intestine. At my lowest I dropped to 79 pounds, so in order to get back to a healthy weight, I followed two months on a liquid diet of Modulen and took Entocort pills. Pentasa made me sicker so I stopped that. The Entocort really helped.
I got back to a semi healthy state and cut gluten and dairy from my diet. I had to be careful what I ate and learned my trigger foods. At the age of 18 I went back for a capsule camera test, where they film the inside of your GI tract. There were still ulcers and inflammation. I couldn't be seen at the Children's Hospital anymore due to my age, and fell through the cracks of the system.
For years I never thought about Crohn's, didn't want to think about it as it triggered anxiety and denial and avoidance are my coping mechanisms. I was doing pretty fine, although the list of trigger foods grew larger every year. By 21 I became a vegan, since fish, meat and eggs all became very bad triggers. There are many random triggers too, for example cooked soy sauce (as in a stir fry) is mortal, but uncooked with vegetarian sushi is fine.
At 24 I had a rough patch and decided to seek help. I live in Canada and our healthcare system is A.B.Y.S.M.A.L. I don't have a family doctor, but I managed to get an appointment with a generalist, who referred me to a gastroenterologist. When I got there, she acted so uninterested, kept looking at her watch, and she prescribed me a huge dose of Mezavant, since Entocort isn't covered by public health insurance for adults. Each pill is pretty big, and she told me to take 4 a day. I was doubtful but thought she probably knew what she was doing.
I reacted to it like you'd react to a gastrointestinal virus. Vomited and shat myself dry for two days, dizzy, couldn't keep water down. My dad tried to call the clinic and she was supposedly out of the country, but her assigned nurse said I should take the pills again in a smaller dose "to see what it does". I obviously didn't, and she never tried to contact me again. I later learned that Mezavant has the same active ingredient as Pentasa, which I had told her I had reacted badly to. Eventually my condition improved on its own.
So for years, I avoided the topic of my diagnosis. Shut it out. My boyfriend doesn't like hearing about the symptoms too so it made it easy to keep ignoring. I could go months without it crossing my mind. My diet kept becoming more restricted. In bad phases I manage to eat very little amounts of food, because the less I eat, the less likely I am to react badly.
But about a year ago, I started having a type of pain I never had before, after reacting to something I was used to eating. It felt like a point just left and a bit below my navel. For a few weeks I couldn't lie on my front. If I had more than breakfast and went for a long walk, I would get pain there like stitch, but pretty bad to the point I had to stop if I was hiking, or wait for the bus. That got better around last September, but the stitch on a walk after lunch remained at times.
In February, on a random day at university, that central lower left pain came back with a vengeance. I went on about my life, but it was dull, growing ache as long as I was standing up. It would be better if I sat, and gone if lying down. For about a week, even just the waist of my pants rubbing on my skin there felt painful. I managed to go about my life as always though. It wasn't even linked to diarrhea. However, even if it has gotten better since, a bout of diarrhea can make that pain come, but not as bad as in February.
Went to see another doctor in March, because I have grown tired and hopeless about this issue. I was told the wait time for a consultation with a gastroenterologist is minimum 3 months, but it could be longer. Meanwhile, I am so beyond done. Tired of not being able to eat anything without heavy planning going into it and of feeling left out of social events. Even if I go to a birthday party at a restaurant and can only have a mocktail on the menu, I'm glad to be there and included, but also feel somewhat excluded by this condition. I can no longer drink alcohol either, I can't really have lunch, so I only have a snack bar and a gluten free vegan muffin for lunch usually. I am hungry almost every day, even if I often forget to eat now, but if time has taught me anything, it's that nothing is worth having to sit on the toilet with crampy diarrhea. It's the absolute worst. The thought of surgery is my worst nightmare and I would rather die.
Now at 27, I am 5'5 and weigh 106 pounds, and people, even strangers often comment on my weight and say I need to eat more. I don't really lose weight, I have been like this for about 2-3 years, but my family loves to comment on my bones when they hug me. They're all slightly overweight so maybe their perception of normality is warped though. The biggest I got was 128 pounds when I was 20 and lived abroad, then it decreased and maintained around 106-112 since.
So anyway, here I am, feeling pretty hopeless. I hope I get a callback before the fall. I'm finishing my Masters so as a student I can't afford private care yet. I think I'm at a point now where I am finally ready to explore medication, because I am sick and tired of restricting myself. I've now read all the doom and gloom, but I'd love to know that there actually is hope for someone like me to live a normal life and not always fear everything I put in my mouth that isn't one of my "safe" foods.
Sorry for the long rant.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

My son vomits on average 1-2 times a week for the past 6-8 months (primary doc always said do brat diet). He has choked many times when he was younger and my husband had to swipe food out of his throat. Now he gets food “stuck” often but can drink liquids to get it down. He gets heartburn/acid reflux often. Finally primary referred to pediatric gastro.
We got him right in for an upper scope. Dr told us immediately he saw inflammation and suspected EoE. He also mentioned how he was involved with early research on the condition. This makes my husband skeptical of the diagnosis, it kind of makes me more confident.
Anyway, we had a video apt on Friday where dr confirmed EoE based on biopsies. He didn’t have the results back from the blood test that was for allergies. He also said results of that won’t change anything, so I’m wondering, why would they do this test?
Here is where I’m struggling. Dr gave us no resources other than the Fig app. He told us to eliminate all dairy, wheat, eggs, and soy and come back for another scope in 2 months. He specifically told my son he could have gluten free Oreos, however they have soy in them (red per the Fig app).
As I’ve researched, there seems to be a lot of things added to food that have some of these 4 foods. I don’t know if small traces are okay, but if they aren’t I literally don’t know what he can (and will eat) other than rice. The other issue is he is on the autism spectrum and is so picky. He’s vomited on the dinner table more than once bc he swallowed something he didn’t like over the years.
I’m feeling like I have to do my own research, which is fine, but no guidance from the Dr is making me worried I’m going to mess this up. I can call them tomorrow. But wanted to get thoughts about our experience with the Dr as well as advice on what to feed him.
I appreciate any help here!

I really need some advice on how to get rid of this constipation. I’ve been backed up for a few days now and currently in so much pain. I’m going to call my OB tomorrow morning about what I can take to help but is there anything else I can do? I’ve been walking a lot, drinking tons of water, eating lots of fiber, I’ve tried almost everything to keep from getting constipated again besides medication. I have and want to take some stool softeners but I’m unsure which ones are safe (or if they’re all safe)
I just bought the off brand/great value stool softeners I found at Walmart to take prior to birth but I’ve been thinking about starting them now (I’m 26 weeks) I currently take prenatals, baby aspirin, valacyclovir (as needed), iron, vitamin D, and tums so I’m also unsure if any of those interact with stool softeners which is why I haven’t taken any. Like I said I plan to call my OB nurse line tomorrow to ask but I just thought I’d ask on here if anyone has any tips as well. Any and all recommendations or advice would be much appreciated, thanks in advance!

Not quite sure how to phrase this question, and I haven't ordered anything yet, so I don't have a way to test this out.
I'm planning a first homelab build, and planning on getting the MS-01 to use as a hypervisor, and a QNAP rack mount NAS.
The MS-01 has 2 10G SFP+ ports, as does the NAS. What I'm unsure of is the best way to take advantage of this.
Do I need a managed switch to take advantage of the dual paths? Would an unmanaged switch work? Or does this need to be connected directly to the MS-01, bypassing any switch? I worry if it's the latter, that other devices on the network would not be able to see the NAS.
Open to any suggestions or advice.

P.S please seek out help to me, or call your loved ones if you notice these early signs.
Marriage with you was my happiness but prison was already the big red flag that I ignored the moment I knew you 8 months ago. I had it wrapped around my finger, mistakes were bound to happen on our journey but going out to go do cheating was never & ever will be on my list. An 18 year old girl and a 22 year old man. I pushed you to do the best but even the ‘your happiness is my happiness’ did not want to align in your mind. For nearly 8 months your inner hidden subconscious led you to believe I was jealous of you. Jealous of your trading currencies, jealous of your looks, jealous of your job, jealous of your successes & passes, jealous of your money. I made mistakes most of these people were my old friends who i left without a word for you but I am not a try to impress girl, i never was & i never will be. All i wanted & asked for were flowers not a daily bags of expenses from you. I only wanted you to be kind and have a nice tone. When you love, you do love hard but your hatred and want to hurt me surpasses your love for me Murad, you never ever wanted to forgive me Murad but I have and I still do. Since i met you i’ve been on fight or flight mode, I fear you but im not scared of you anymore, but this is still your nature from a little baby to a grown man entering his prime years. You will not change or learn Murad. Changing does not mean praying 5 times and reading Quran. You still managed to fit another woman from another country in our marriage, forget the relationship it was haraam. I never done that Murad. I didnt keep a man on my iMessage or WhatsApp in our marriage. You love money, sex & drugs. It’s what you worshipped since young. That is your qismat. The difference is I had my reason not excuses for my mistakes but you had no reason or excuse Mo because that is in your blood it is how you were born and grew up. You became the waste end product of this emerging environment. I was never the way I was last year Murad, when I was 8, I was taking my shoes & clothes off on roads in my country to give to the poor children, I stole biscuits from my grandmother’s corner shop and was smacked just so I could to give to the orphans whereas at 9 you were smoking weed, having intercourse with women & carrying zombie knives in your pants, leaving a gun in higham hills park or St james park. And if i met men before you and wanted to conceal it you rip my throat off and attempt to take my life? Your story does not deserve to be told in schools Murad, your story is not a life lesson but a facade because you have not learned your lesson, you just become more & more proud about your old ways. You know why? Because I know you don’t regret it Murad, a person who regrets their deed does not boast or feels proud, the man who is regretful of his past actions asks for forgiveness, conceals the sin and moves on. The real reason why you boast about your case is because you were controlling the city’s drug supply. You love control & you love power. Do you know what happens to the elite above when they have so much money, do you know what is above money and below Dajjal? Power. You love power & being in control of your family, friends & wife. That’s how you’ve created your trust issues as well as your own fake army. People can’t be honest around you because you’ve pre built a foundation of fear Murad through your tone, words & agression. Control yourself before you control those around you. That’s the dynamics of it. Stop instilling fear in people to get your stomach full. I have the right to diagnose you with this, you have borderline personality with narcissistic personality and a lack of empathy; a result of your traumatic past experiences so Murad prove my point you don’t trust anyone else to handle my mistakes and forgive me or try to understand me unless you handle my mistake the way your revengeful gut wants to hurt and deal with me. I’ve made mistakes but my love was stronger than me hurting you, we always found each other when we needed each other the most. But that fell off when we got married, you chose friends over your wife waiting for you for 5 hours at home, and coming home to find out you have a secret girlfriend from a week in our nikkah. I forgive you Murad. How do I go to my class with other 18 year old girls knowing I married the lover of my life who nearly ended my life nights previously? How do I deal with this ? Im very mature and I don’t feel my age but somewhere in me is still 18.
You moulded me into a liar because of fear & you moulded me into a broken girl because of your past experience and mistakes i did and you did. Murad I didn’t care that you had no money. My vision is slowly settling into my system and I think the women, family and friends around you is okay with you making & spending haraam money but not me Murad. Just like how you did not like some of my ways and I changed even if i stumbled and made silly mistakes half way or when we ended but i did not like some of your ways and you didn’t change. I didn’t meet anyone. In fact Murad you are my worst nightmare. i ignored all your mistakes every one but little i knew, one day shut me down as if i was your biggest mistake. I put you in your place and you have never had that and neither have I been forced in that position, but yet i still cared if i had money just like when you were at work all day I begged my mother to send me money so my husband can have food in his belly from my bed. I went miles for you but then so did you. You crossed the line on 08/06/2024. You suffocated me with a pillow, grabbed my throat so hard I could not breathe, held a knife at my throat and bruised me, smacked me right on my entire left face and nose, attempted to throw me across the balcony in a tightening grip. I tried to hide the bruises from you, but my arm were in so much pain that when you threw me around I had to let the pain escape my mouth. Murad you ruined an 18 year old girl’s life, Murad I didn’t deserve it at all Murad you tainted and left a big stain by destroying me. Murad you are my biggest mistake but was not your biggest mistake & if thats what you believe then one day you will face the consequence of how big of a mistake I was to you like you said because i never physically, intentionally hurt you behind or in front of you. Its okay, I won’t let your mother or your family know what you done to me because God is the one who delivers justice, not me Murad. I bit you and slapped you so hard because you deserved it at that time, but did I deserve what you physically, mentally and intellectually put me through? Murad i was reading my Shahadah that night in your arms. I was really scared, I’ve never felt that scared. I was shaking. My body was shaken. My mind was shaken. My heart was shaken. Murad you gave me PTSD & trauma, you left me neglected and abused many times but I accepted you for you. I now have to go therapy and take medication Murad just because I hid talking to men in my past and you punished me in a way Allah’s mercy wouldn’t do. I did not cheat on you & I payed my truth in blood when I slit my wrist to prove to you that I did not cheat & or sleep with any men, I was a virgin Murad, but you accused me of the worst Murad in front of everybody Murad. You should have shot me in my heart there because thats where I hurt the most, it’s not fair. Murad If you’re reading this and think you are still a good kind man after what you done to me then prove me wrong, find that goodness seed inside of your heart and hold on to it and believe me for once Murad you know that man was lying to destroy us & it worked.
The night that traumatic night occured, my father previously mentioned to my mother ‘ this girl will die in his hands’ my dad predicted this action.
But that was not enough, your end goal was to murder me & you have. I died that night Murad, you broke me into pieces before and tried to kill me but the night on the 08/06/2024 you murdered me & I did not deserve a pinch of it. I constantly pleaded with you softly, I begged you to stop and stop hurting me that night. Murad do you know what hurts me ? Is if my father witnessed with his eyes how much you mashed my body so much with my face into the bed and wall with your hands & weight, you suffocated and tried to kill me with your hands Murad, I would die before i let my father witness you choking his daughter, history has repeated in your family and someone will do this to your daughter Murad and this time i promise you will see it happen in the moment and that is when your world will end. I didn’t meet anyone when we were together. Murad i promised you my time will come one day when i’ll make you face & understand the consequences of your abusive actions forget words. I won’t punish you, what is gone before is long gone & all you have now is the result of your actions. And that will be my last remembrance of you, you won’t see my face anywhere, you wont hear my name anywhere & you won’t find my anywhere. Murad you are not a man, you are not a stay.busy17 man either and you are definitely not a money motivated man. You sit down on your bed more than you get to work. I do not stand for revenge Murad so destiny and god will restore justice for my silence & sufferings that I faced all alone in your house. I had nobody. Nobody Murad. It was just me And God in your house. That night you nearly ended my life, i repeatedly said to myself ‘Papa please help me God please help me Papa please help me God please save me’ Murad when someone is in so much pain God takes away the pain not by ending their life but by taking their soul out of their body for a few seconds to relieve the pain. I did not meet anyone. My ‘revenge’ is not violence nor revenge itself, my revenge is God, only a taste of your medicine Murad, I will disappear out of your life so quietly without notice because you hurt me more than you love me. Life is not a game, but you are the one who chose this game to play so you’ll play it nicely now. The evilness inside of your eyes that night is something I will never forget. All I wanted was for you not to do drugs in our marriage. In the UK, 75% of ex-inmates reoffend within nine years of release, and 39.3% within the first twelve months, If you are reading this and wondered why I have written this there then you have guessed right,
because you a 22 year old man attempted homicide on an 18 year old girl through grievous bodily harm (GBH), strangulation in form of abuse, with evident body bruises on arm, face, inner thigh and chest/neck. Men like you Murad, they call you strangles. You are most likely to become killers in almost every situation & It is scientifically proven that if you strangle me and if i stay you WILL eventually kill me. My parents were right on their conscious prediction. My life never has and can not be trusted in your hands.
This is only 30% of everything. The rest I will keep to myself.

So i had booked a small family vacation (our first ever, we are so excited and this is a HUGE deal for us, momentous, saved up for 2 years) and read the reviews, everything was great. I compared and pored over the net for any possible issues for weeks. There were none, and i liked staying with a local family owned place as opposed to a big corporate place. I happily booked our vacation 45 days in advance and set about sitting on my hands in excitement.
Today, the day before our stay begins, i get an optional upgrade email stating the hotel doesn't offer any "free passes" although other emails state they are included in the resort fees, which i have paid. This means to attend the waterpark and theme park that was promised and the reason i booked this partucular hotel, which was pricier than many others, we would have to come out of pocket- now with zero notice or time to pay ahead online either- which would more than triple the cost of this trip. It is straight up -not possible- for us to do this. We don't have that much money set aside. I hoped maybe it's just a typo or something, surely they wouldn't yank the amenities after we have paid and have proof.
They did.
I looked at reviews again in a panic and noticed everyone that has stayed there in the past 2 months has had the exact same issue. No passes for anyone. Manager doesn't care, won't refund, too bad. Furthermore, people have been waiting hours to get into their rooms past checkout time, the average is 3 hours. This will eat up a whole day of being able to do anything as everything seems to close around 5. Every hour here is highly valuable to us.
Of course we are one day past the cancellation period, so this hotel stay is being paid for whether we go or not. The upgrade email is the only thing that said no passes offered, i have plenty of screenshots and emails saying they are part of our package. It was sneaky to wait until we couldn't cancel to send this email, and even sneakier to put it in the small print and hide it. I am PISSED. I booked it through the choice priveleges system, They're in the choice-ascend hotels group. Apparently it was sold this year and the new owners are taking it down the tubes, pun intended.
We will happily go to stay at a regular hotel that does offer the passes, of which there are many. But we can't pay for both. I would need a rwfund or at least a partial refund to be able to do that. Does anyone have any advice on what to do here? I have tried calling the hotel numerous times and have left messages, no replies as of yet. It's not looking good. I can't bring my 6 year old to sit in a hotel all week long and look out at the waterslides she was supposed to go on. I am heartbroken.