For some context, me and my girlfriend have struggled with our sex life for most of our seven year relationship, I'm 24 and she's 27. We've had several conversations about what we can do to 'spice things up' or make it more interesting as I would be the only one initiating sex and it would always be relatively average with her half the time as she can often not seem that invested. After a big argument and then an actual rational conversation our sex life would get back on track for a little while, but then like usual it would revert back to the same issues.
This time I questioned having sex during our lunch break today at work (we worked from home today), and she laughed and said no, which was obviously not the problem, but then she immediately went "yeah actually let's do it". As soon as we started to make out and she was doing stuff to me, she just went "we can do it but I'm not really wanting to" and "if we do it we've gotta be quick" (we had an hour and this time thing keeps coming up, even when we've got all night, it's like she wants it over with). I immediately pulled back because I don't want sex with someone who doesn't want it, and she got offended.
After explaining why this keeping on happening was annoying, and made me not feel like she's invested in our sex life, she went into defence mode stating that she often does it without saying that she's not into it because she feels guilty, which has now made me never want to have sex because I don't know how she's truly feeling. I feel it's unfair she never told me this in the first place? I've repeatedly said to her that we need to communicate better on all fronts with sex but she never sticks to her word.
We've had other issues too, where she'll say that she wants to have sex later, and then never bothers with it. It's not a big deal, it's her choice, but when she'll do it for literal days on end it starts to feel like why should I put up with someone who will set expectations all the time just to not follow through?
I don't want to be harsh, or sound it, and I speak with a calm soft voice when I speak on this subject, but she'll immediately start raising her voice.
Just some other context, it's not the only thing that she lacks any confidence in. She doesn't clean, that's left to me. I do the washing, and wash up. She'll cook, but not as often as she'll want to order in or do something very easy.
I did wonder ages ago if it was depression, but it's clearly not, she couldn't be happier half the time about things that excite HER, but if it's something that excites someone else she doesn't listen or get involved. Her family have called her selfish before and she can have some mood swings.
At the same work place, there's this one girl who she is aware likes me, and even the other day essentially said that she's cheated on all her other boyfriends and is now in an open relationship, basically signalled to me that she'd do it with me. I don't want to, and I won't, I love my girlfriend - my concern with this is that although this has made my girlfriend rightfully hate her and feel threatened, this doesn't even seem to have triggered anything in my girlfriend to do more, or give more. I feel like she expects everything done for her and given to her without giving anything back.
What do I do?
TL;DR! - I'm 24, she's 27, I'm a male, she's a female, we've been together for 7 years.

So, one night I’m going to sleep a little earlier than I usually do, so I can wake up early to study for my exams. Before I go to sleep, I text my girlfriend, “Goodnight baby loves ❤️❤️❤️ sleeping so I can get the worm 🪱” (don’t mind the corniness). About 15 minutes later, she calls me on FaceTime while she’s cleaning up her kitchen and says that I forgot to say I love you in the text. I tell her “I’m sorry I do love you all the time though, you know that”. And then I text her I love you while we’re on the FaceTime call. She then makes the claim that I never say I love you first unless I’m “prompted” which to her just means when she says I love you first. I tell her that’s just not true and she replies to say the last time I did was probably over a year ago. I’m shocked she would even say something like that as if it was true and I know she knows that that’s ridiculous. But I have all of our messages saved so I go back and send her screenshots on the call to that prove otherwise just from a week ago. After she sees that she says “I’m sorry I stand corrected” but I double down on the gaslighting claim because how are you actually convinced that I didn’t say it in over a year and then you only back down when I send irrefutable proof ? I say “but you tried to gaslight me”. She then says “bye” and then at this point I’m over the conversation because it’s just ridiculous so I hang up. Then about 30 minute later she says “I’m breaking up with you I’m lowkey done. Highly done” and then in the morning texts me “but thank you for the flowers” (I had already set DoorDash to deliver her flowers in the morning a day before we had this fight).
I said “you’re welcome” she said “you kinda suck”. I said “why” she said “ugh I hate you”. I then called her a bully (because she admitted that when her family and sister get her upset that she takes it out on me and that’s what I suspect this is since her sister was rude to her all that day. She also sees anger management to help with her anger issues). She asks “how” and then I explain.
I say “I know people treat you like crap at home but you don’t gotta take it out on me. You’re a textbook bully”
She says “and you don’t do anything to help or make my life easier. so idk why i’m even with you”
I say “There’s really no excuse to be a bully. They suck”
She says “so do you. you’re a horrible bf. how are you any better? you literally don’t even say i love you, just hang up, call me a gaslighter even though i’ve told you im not and i told you i don’t like that word. like you’re textbook piece of 💩. maybe it’s time you realize that a**hole”
I say “ You tried to say that I never say I love you or that I said it a year ago. That’s definition of gaslighting because that’s clearly not true 😭. Then when I call you out you say “bye” so then I hang up. Way to manipulate and make me seem like I’m the bad guy though when all I did was say goodnight to you 😭 and I did text you I love you when you said I didn’t text it but you wanted to make it an issue. I’m not the bad guy you’re just a bully with issues you need to seriously workout”
She basically just says I’m an asshole, “piece of 💩”and a “terrible boyfriend” and flips it on me because she doesn’t like being called a gaslighter and she’s told me this before. But honestly it just seems like a way to avoid accountability especially when you’re guilty of it. If you don’t like being called that and you actually do it, how am I supposed to hold you accountable?
So she says “bruh look at those texts clearly. that may 14 one, you only said it because i prompted you, two of the screenshots are the exact same. only one of them is like actually valid, so no i’m not a gaslighter. i said bye because i’ve told you multiple times i don’t like being called a gaslighter, even though i already said to you “im sorry i stand corrected” but you’re just a fuxking @sshole who never listens to me and never changes and always fuxking attacks me for no reasons, so yeah i’m gonna say bye; because guess what buddy IM DONE WITH YOU!!!”
So what do you guys think? 😭 AITAH for calling her a gaslighter?

I haven’t seen much about this topic posted. But, with an almost 2 week old little boy (our 2nd baby), I’m still grappling with some seemingly frivolous disappointment over his birth date. I can’t bring myself to validate this feeling because it seems so inconsequential. (Insert obligatory gratitude that I have a GORGEOUS perfect little guy who’s an amazing sleeper and an even better snuggle bug, and we love him so much. He entered this world super quickly, easily, and with no complications. How lucky i am!!! Truly.)
I was due today, 6/8. I LOVE summer. I have ALWAYS wanted summer kids (i.e. June/July/August). Growing up with a December birthday myself, I was always so underwhelmed with my own day, that I wanted to give my kids the joy of outdoor celebrations and happiness of lazy days and gorgeous weather, even though I realized that I couldn’t ever precisely plan such a thing as a kid’s date of birth.
My daughter, our first, was born on 4th of July 2022 (9 days before her EDD, FWIW). It was so special and I felt so whole! I’d always wanted a daughter, and a summer baby!
Now my son, who was due 6/8-6/12 (depending on which doctor you asked), decided to show up on Memorial Day. About 2 weeks early. In May. Springtime for me has always been a season to just get through, because summer is the good part. I was counting on this June baby for almost 9 months. To me, he’s always been a June kid!! But he couldn’t wait 5 more days. As if it’s even anyone’s fault. I have even known he was a boy since my NIPT, and worked through some gender disappointment as well — but I also cheered myself up by remembering that he’d almost certainly be born in the first week of June, and what a joy to have 2 summer babies.
Please be gentle! Can anyone else relate? How did you deal? How can I reframe this so I’m not quite so unreasonably bummed? I don’t want to quash my feelings down, and I’d love to feel not so alone in this weird disappointment. TIA, wonderful people 💚

I not sure what better words to put in the title but here's the context.
My current 'one and only' beta reader finally replied to me after I sent him the whole arc of my story.
First thing he commented is that he liked my OC antagonist personality more than the MC.
He described it as fun and whacky, like a mix of homelander and Johnny Cage.
But most importantly that he mentioned is that his goal is simple without stretching too much to make himself noble for his cause. Him comparing to most media nowadays that villain will always try to act like it but mine just straight up to the point.
I am honestly felt mixed; both appreciatively, motivated, but also stirred with doubt and slight disappointment towards my MC. Never did I thought my antagonist would shine better than MC, but his personality is more cold, calm and serious.
Probably could relate relationship like Batman and Joker.
So anyways, to fellow writers or readers here. Any tips or recommendation for me to make MC shine more equally to his antagonist?
Also, did you also received comments that say some characters writings are way too better than the character that you focusing?
Happy to discuss!

I am very new to owning a leopard gecko and I'm not really trusting the words of Petco workers anymore. I have a baby leopard gecko that I was told to feed 3 mealworms dusted in Repashy calcium (has vitamin D but not D3) a day. Is this too much calcium? Am I feeding her too much or too little?

Has anyone else in recovery noticed this and how did you handle it?
I’ve literally left meetings before over a crying baby that wouldn’t stop & mother doesn’t leave the room.
Even with older children it just feels like an incredibly inappropriate setting to bring a kid for both the sakes of the kid & everyone else in the meeting. I think it is disrespectful (at best) on the part of the parent.
These meetings are designed for addicts to share freely about their experiences with other addicts & have open discussions. Should people seriously censor themselves in these meetings (which are critical component of their recovery programs designed to help people get & stay sober so they don’t literally die) whenever kids (disruptive, not in recovery, not invited) are in attendance?
This isn’t just about not cursing in front of someone’s kid either… people from all walks of life come into these rooms & talk about the worst things that have ever happened to them or that they’ve done. I’ve heard shares related to homicide. I’ve heard shares from sex workers in drug debts to their pimps. I’ve heard shares from more men & women than I can even count related to SA including early childhood, incest, trafficking. I met a woman in a meeting once that literally escaped from serial killer & then spent her entire savings on going to a 30-day inpatient PTSD treatment program… she stays sober now in part by going to meetings which cost nothing.
I have never seen anyone chairing a meeting ask parent to remove screaming/crying child. Perhaps surprisingly, I see this just as often in women’s meetings as I do coed meetings.
Thanks for reading 🙏

So I wrote this response on another thread to criticism of these verses. I’ll reproduce the criticism and my response here, as I think it’ll get lost in the long stream of comments on that thread:
COMMENT:
“Furthermore we see the entire 'heaven' as night and day which is only possible in a (very small relative to reality) geocentirc universe and the suns light moves around the earth:
The Qur'anic conception of the cosmos accords with its author's visual perception of the sky, even to the extent that in Quran 79:28-29 night and day is mistaken as a feature of the entire heaven. In these verses the night and morning brightness are said to be an attribute of the heaven (l-samāu) which Allah built (banāhā) and raised (rafaʿa) as a ceiling (samkahā) and ordered it (fasawwāhā) when he created the heaven and earth.
Are ye the harder to create, or is the heaven that He built? He raised the height thereof and ordered it; And He made dark the night thereof, and He brought forth the morn thereof. And after that He spread the earth, Quran 79:27-30
The possessive hā suffix in laylahā (its night) and ḍuḥāhā (its morning light) relates night and day to the heaven in its entirety. In reality, the night and day we experience is a feature of the earth's rotation on its axis. There is no sense in which the earth's night and day (which happen at the same time) apply across the wider cosmos.
In order to confirm the interpretation of these verses it is important to look at how the significant words are used elsewhere in the Quran. "The night" is a very common word in the Quran, and the morning light is used in the same context in Quran 93:1-2-1 and Quran 91:1-1 (see also Quran 79:46).”
RESPONSE:
[1]
First things first, let’s define the key word, heaven (l-samāu). If we go down to verse 30, if you try to reconcile this verse by saying the verse refers to the sky only (and therefore making sense of the reference to night and day) you introduce another issue, because verse 30 says:
And after that He spread the earth.
So if we are being consistent, we have to take the text for what it says, when it is speaking about “morning” and “night” it is not speaking about it from the reference point of earth which is created after. I agree with your logic thus far. As the word Samaa also means heavens / the universe
So while I understand that the word Samaa can refer to either the sky, the universe as a whole, in this instance the introduction of the world being created after the Samaa limits us to just speaking about the heaven as the universe.
This then introduces your main point, that the night and day are features of the actual heaven. I don’t disagree with you here either. This, in my view, is what the text is saying.
Let’s look at it in detail:
Are ye the harder to create, or is the heaven that He built? 79:27
To me, this refers to the creation of the heavens itself, the start of the universe, so everything mentioned from this point until the creation of the earth in verse 30, is encompassed in that time frame. I also take from this wording not to compare myself with the scale of the universe, this makes sense of the later verses where comparisons are drawn between experiences we experience on earth - such as “night” and “morning”, and the “night” and “morning on a universal scale.
The difference between us isn’t that we disagree with what the verses seem to say, it’s that I believe its the word of God and think of it in that frame, whereas you think its written by a man who is being informed by 7th century legends, and so view what is being said with that mindset. We are both seeing the same logic, but are interpreting it based on our pre-conceived notions of the text, something the Quran says it does intentionally.

So I was on a work trip with a couple colleagues. One of these was a fat old pompous guy who is very self centered and always wants to have the last word. I think he was a bit lonely during the trip as he kept butting in other people's conversations with anecdotes from his past life. The rest of us were all younger, thinner than him and female, but one of the women was a bit closer to his age though still like 15 or so younger.
We had a bus ride one day and he ended up sitting near me. I was constantly fidgeting as he was manspreading and squashing me with his arms and frequency said "sorry" hoping he took a hint and made some room. He did at the time but the situation returned as it was after some time.
The next day we had to travel with a taxi, and he insisted on staying at the back where we were cramped while one was in front. I think he wanted to stay in the back to chat with the "older" lady but she was wearing a skirt and so sat near the window while I had to stay in the middle squashed against him. I was fed up at this point because he could have stayed in front while the rest of us stayed comfortable at the back as we were thin and could sit comfortably. He kept trying to butt in the convo me and the older lady were having but it was difficult for him to do so as we avoided topics that he could relate to and instead talked girly stuff. I think the older lady was also tired of having to cater for his ego because he is quite pretentious and expects people to listen to him when he talks.
I feel a bit sorry for him because he was a pitiful guy, but he tried too hard to fit in and his fear of becoming irrelevant made him super annoying. He also did not seem to be self aware of his size and how that could be uncomfortable for others when there were other options he could have taken to avoid the situation. AITH?

I (24MtF) was working through my hesitations regarding transitioning.
My biggest fear was ending up alone for the rest of my life.
Loneliness cripples me bad. When it hits, I can't work. I can't stand it. It's much worse than my dysphoria is. I didn't have a friend until I was 13, and not a close friend until 18. I never want to go back there. Dysphoria can be easily avoided by not looking at my penis, calves or other bad bits. But not loneliness.
After talking to a few trans women, IRL and online, it seems that dating as a trans woman is more or less like dating as any other human. If you're hot and pass, it's easy. But if you don't pass, it's much much harder than previously. Some of them are permanently single, despite trying for years.
I've been very lucky and look relatively handsome as a man. Dating isn't as hard as my cis male friends find it. I'm confident that as a man, I will be able to marry a beautiful, loving woman.
But I fear the same features (strong jawline, brow ridge, high cheekbones) would make me an ugly and visibly trans woman. And with that, never being able to find a partner, and be forever alone.
And look - I can (begrudgingly) accept the being ugly part. I could handle the stares in public. I even have work that doesn't require people to see me, so I'm financially secure.
But I can't handle all that alone.
A whole lifetime. Alone.
I'm scared to return to the pit of loneliness. I've spent so long there and I vowed to never return. I hate it so much. So I'm thinking of staying here as a man, despite hating my penis etc. Any words of wisdom?
It feels like trading one type of suffering for another.

TW: Abuse, Death
7 years na simula nung nawala ka sa’min. Hindi ko makakalimutan ‘yung madaling araw na ‘yun, sinugod ka namin sa ER kasi mababa yung pulse rate mo at hindi ka magising. I watched medical staff resuscitate you. I did not close my eyes. I watched intently while my tears welled-up and with hope that you will be okay, but 45 mins. later, you did not come back and they had to stop trying to bring you back. I was in a state of severe shock and up until now, every time I think of you, I would sob like a baby and the pain is still here in my chest. I don’t know if I will be able to move on from your parting.
Siguro nagtataka ‘yung ibang tao kasi sobrang apektado pa din ako, e hindi ko naman kayo masyadong nadadalaw sa probinsya dahil lagi akong busy sa trabaho noon at sa law school. I had a crappy relationship with my dad - all the emotional, sexual, economic, and mental abuse, I had to endure for years when we were still living under the same roof. It made me live in pain and hatred for a long time. I did not really see a father in him. However, you were the closest father image I had while growing up.
You had always been proud of me. I can still remember how you would tell your kumpares that I graduated with honors and that I passed the boards back then even when they did not even ask you in the first place. You had always been concerned with my health. Ever since I was diagnosed with my auto-immune disease and each time my symptoms showed-up, you would always ask me if I want to go to the doctor, or to the herbalist for traditional medicine, or to even go to the beach because you believed that sea salt work wonders for my skin (and it did!). You had supported me all the way - you were present during my graduations, birthdays, recognition days, and every special occasion. Even when there’s no guarantee that I can buy you another ticket in PICC for a seat in my oath taking, you were there. You even gave me a bouquet of flowers that day.
When I told everyone in the family that I want to go to law school, you were the only one who said, “sige, mag-abogasya ka.” No ifs, no buts. You were always a man of few words because you always made sure that your actions were bigger. Whenever you visited me in Manila, you always brought a sack of rice and whatever fruits or vegetables you can harvest from your backyard. You might have thought that these actions didn’t really matter, but it did for me.
A big part of me does not find it hard to give and share to others because you had set an example right from the start. Even after you succeeded in life, you never forgot where you came from and how you started as a truck helper. You did not even have the opportunity to finish high school because you had to help your parents earn enough income for the household. Your success in life did not make you blind. You still treated all people from different walks of like as equals and you had kept your feet on the ground. This is a constant reminder for me to treat people equally, regardless of their job or educational attainment. It reminds me to always be kind.
I grew up spending summer vacations with you and Nay. I know that I was your favorite apo - being the first-born. After your passing, I had your name tattooed on me because I always wanted to have a concept that you are always with me, and that I will not forget you even when I get old and become forgetful; and that you will still continue being with me to the next milestones and hardships I will encounter.
I still think na sana hindi mo kami agad iniwan pero wala e, time’s up na daw sabi ni Lord.
Sa tuwing pinanghihinaan ako ng loob sa law school, I always think of you kasi alam ko, you want me to continue working on my dreams. Hindi mo na ko inabutan mag-bar exam at maging abogado. Pero alam ko, proud ka pa din sakin kahit nasaan ka. Ngayon, lagi kong iniisip na I will be the kind of lawyer na you will be proud of.
Sayang, magaling na ako mag-drive ngayon, Tay, hindi na tulad nang dati na nasisigawan mo ‘ko kapag tinuturuan mo ko mag-drive (lol). Edi sana, makakapagroad trip ulit tayo at ako naman driver this time. Miss na miss kita lagi. Noong umalis ka, may void dito sa puso ko na hindi napupunan kahit anong gawin kong pagsasaya.
Sana masaya ka diyan sa heaven kasama ang mga kumpare mo pero sana hindi kayo nag-iinom ng alak diyan. Mahal na mahal kita, Tay!

When I (21M) got into a relationship with my partner (20F), it was awesome. Then she involved her friends in the relationship. She came off as very codependent (“I’m very attached”) to her friends, even saying her friends (20F) are never wrong (you’re gonna see some red flags here that I was stupid to ignore). Met one of her friends - wonderful guy not a bad bone in his body, hope all of them could be Ike that. She expressed (I don’t even know jokingly) that her girl friends were jealous that she got a boyfriend - yet she wanted us to be friends.
I have never met such hypocritical people in my life on first meet. They would criticize my career (I earn decent money in school), my race (they continually called me a brown boy), the fact I didn’t drink underage, they would question my validity as a partner in earshot much to my partner’s silence. They would criticize my colloquialism after poking fun at me- I would say “shut the fuck up” when a funny story came up while laughing. They would tell my partner (not me) that they didn’t like it (happy to not say it if it makes them feel uncomfortable) but then they proceeded to tell me to shut the fuck up with impunity. The double standards sucked. The dishing out but not being able to take it sucked. I was always made to be the villain. When I brought these up to my partner - “Oh you feel that way because they have siblings, and you’re an only child”. They showed up to my apartment unannounced when I was on a date with my partner (I live on the 3rd story). After the date was over, they would make plans to go out and say “This is a friends only thing”.
I held my tongue for a lot of disrespect. The people were openly known in their friend group to be third wheels in the relationship. They used to call me a b-word and a groomer (because I had friends who were 2 years younger than me). I used to call the main instigator a horseface after she made fun of my forehead and looks. But then it was too far. They could say whatever to me but the moment I come back I’m in the wrong.
They would openly ask my partner “Did he even get girls before you” to which my partner felt she had to defend her “choice” in me. My partner had told me that we won’t talk about our sex life. I was like yeah ofc. Her friends then started to tease me with info from our sex life - and they didn’t hear it from me. I confronted her on this and she was like “Oh it was a wine night and we started talking”. It was all ok until she started downplaying my skills. Then when her friends made fun of me with this info - I would then make fun of myself and then they would go to her saying that THEY were feeling uncomfortable about ME making fun of MYSELF.
They would cause fights to the point where I’m crying and hoping I’m no more. I would dream they would make fun of me so much - I would get up and walk out (I actually did this once but chalked it up to having to take a phone call).
They would compare me to their brothers and fathers. Token me for my race but then ask me to set them up with someone from my race. They would make fun of my career, yet ask me to get them a job. I tried to play nice with these people. On my own birthday, one of these girls was stressing out over organizing a career fair, I walked 40 minutes to help her out. These people would cause fights between us and I would apologize to them about stuff they do to me all the time saying “I just want to be accepted by the group”.
Worst part came when her friends pulled switchblades out on a moving bus as a joke and were brandishing it. I was the only voice of reason telling these people to stop, protecting my partner, motioning others to sit down and telling them that the group can get in so much trouble because of their idiotic behavior. Yet all her friends laughed at the fact I was getting serious. One of her friends had come up to me afterwards and showed me her palm, laughing. It was blood- she had cut her hands on the blades trying to play with the knives. Laughing.
Whether it was them blacking out drunk, headbutting each other, and touching each other inappropriately- I need to make sure no one falls behind or gets in trouble. Her friends would smack me for sitting on their bed by accident just to charge my phone near the wall. Everyone would laugh.
Her friends dressed up during Halloween as red flags (can’t make this up) and they kept making racial remarks to my friend. “Dance white boy”, “bathroom’s over there white boy”, etc. He took it as a joke the first few times but then started to feel uncomfortable. He told me wayyyy too late that this is what he experienced.
One day, I had fallen through my chair and winced in pain to which they laughed. I had enough of their immaturity, their laughter at my pain, their double standards, and their unresolved hatred. I thought since these people frequently call me out for every small thing (albeit behind my back), I can confront them directly and fairly (never confronted them on their behavior before). I asked them to treat me with some respect and just apologize. My partner stood silent as they continue to make insulting and demeaning faces at me and avoid the issue. I had a freeze response. I could not get any more words out of my mouth. Then my hypervigilance took a toll on me 30 seconds later in the form of an extreme panic attack (first one ever) where I cried and clutched my chest on a train. They stared indifferently. I sat crying with the doctor hugging me, while they called an Uber to go to a bar. They called the paramedics- they were heroes. I had enough, went up and yelled some disgusting things at the main instigator, who was making disgusting invalidating faces at me while I was approaching her for accountability. Called her a horsefaced. Told her “Why should I die on the train? You go kill yourself!”
My partner threatened to break up with me if her friends had told her to and told me I wasn’t fit to meet her dad. The next day, her friends guilt tripped her “You made a choice to go home with him instead of come with us to the bar”. They talked about how it was “bizarre” why I was so kind to the doctors and the paramedics yet yelled at them.
Partner said “Oh they have panic attacks all the time”. “It must have been caused by something else”. “They make those faces even when their relative died”. “There was a girl who doesn’t like her because she didn’t apologize to her properly”. “She thinks you’re attacking her face - just like her dad and uncles”.
I had tried to apologize several times but they shut the door in my face and asked me to stand to the side or avoid any communication. A few days later, the pain in my chest was tough. I went to the doctor, got some tests and was diagnosed with a cardiac arrhythmia as a result of the panic attack. When she told her friends, they said “we don’t care he had a heart attack, we care more about what he yelled at us afterwards”.
Then blame was shifted. I was the scapegoat. They were the ultimate victim. The whole group - people who didn’t even have anything to do with the situation brought up 9 month old issues that I had apologized for. I was ready to apologize for it all again. I begged my partner if I could fight for my story since she was sweeping everything under the rug. She told me “They don’t want to hear your side of the story - they don’t want to see you ever again”. Ganged up. They said I brought too many bad memories to the group.
When I asked my partner why she lets such people run from accountability for their actions. She said how her father told her to never give up on her friends. How her father lets his friends insult him and his wife till she cries. And that was his takeaway.

Hey there! Before anything,i know my account is new but i had another account that i lost not long ago so yeah,i swear i am not a robot or a kidney stealer. Maybe a heart one tho? Who knows.
Ahem,so about me!
-I'm a 20,almost 21 year old male from Europe. Mixed,and bilingual. I'm here looking for a very special girl that knows what she wants. Someone to appreciate life with,and enjoy moments together irl and online. I guess you could say i'm a big romantic in this world of looks and such. And talking about looks!
Physically speaking: -I'm neither obese or slim,i do have some extra love but hey,i'm good for warming u during winter! haha. Height wise i'm between 5'11-6'0. CM speaking it's 181/182cms. I have dark hair and brown eyes. You could say i'm like a teddy,since i do have hair but if you like that i'm glad.
So,what do i like,have interest in? -My main interests are:
Gaming: I love anything rpg related. Started playing DS1 a few days ago,already got the lordvessel. I want to play BG3 so bad but my pc isn't good,so i gotta save for it. I also play Fortnite so if you wanna duo tell me! My main game franchises are: Fallout,Warcraft,Final Fantasy. And starting to like the Souls one too :))
Manga/Anime: I'm not a big weeb,yet i do love some of them. My main ones are : D-Gray Man,Berserk,Gantz,JJBA,Hellsing and Dorohedoro. One Piece is my childhood tho.
I also love Fantasy in general and i want to be a fantasy author. I do worldbuilding and all of that cool stuff so if you're a fantasy girl it'd be so good!
Music: My main artists/bands are Muse,System of a Down and Queen. I love classical music but mostly rock/nu metal and old pop.
But,what am i looking for in a girl?
-Well i'm not very picky. Just...you know,share stuff from above with me or have similar taste,be yourself and have true intentions. My main aim towards the future relationship-wise would be getting you know,a ring on your hand. And also some little devils,you know? So i hope you want the same. My age range is 19 to 23 years old,i guess. Ethnicity,beliefs or location don't matter to me,yet it'd be more comfortable if you were from Europe if you don't your timezone messed up,but if you don't care about that thing,go ahead as well! So what else...i don't know,don't want to write the whole bible here. If you feel interested about me and want to see how things go,introduce yourself as detailed as you want in dms,and also add the word "Icarus" so i know you saw all of this.
Anyways,see you in dms maybe? Hope so!

DISCLAIMER: This post does not provide medical advice. Only a doctor can establish a diagnosis and select the appropriate treatment.
Who will find this post useful? If your symptoms are related to the psychoactive effects of Lion's Mane, then this post is for you. If you have signs of allergy or poisoning, then you need to consult an allergist or toxicologist. If you experience severe side effects of any nature, you should call an ambulance.
In this post, we will learn about how psychotherapy techniques work. Only those techniques that have helped me personally will be described here. Next we will talk about supplements and choosing a doctor.
Before moving on to psychotherapeutic techniques, I must make a reservation - if they will be ineffective in your case, that's okay. Side effects are caused by components of Lion's Mane, not by thinking errors. These techniques are just supportive tools to control symptoms.

Fear of panic attack

Panic attack can be divided into 2 stages:

1. In the first stage, there is increasing anxiety and fear that a panic attack is about to start. At this point, the panic itself is not yet present, but you are already afraid that it is about to start;
2. Fear at the first stage increases the likelihood of a panic attack. If a panic attack has started, there is a fear that it will be prolonged or any other fear.

Have you noticed a vicious cycle? We can break this vicious cycle so that panic attacks occur much less often. The following techniques will help with that.
The first step you need to eliminate the fear that a panic attack will start. Here is an example of an inner speech that increases fear: "Oh no! What if it starts again? What if I start panicking again? No, please don't..." In this case you feel powerless, that nothing depends on you, that fear is stronger than you and you are at its mercy. Instead say to yourself: "Okay, I'm ready for this. I don't want to experience panic, but if it starts, I'm ready for it." In this case, you make your own decision about how to relate to what is happening. This is your decision, not the decision of fear. In this way, you put yourself equally with fear or even above fear. In my experience, fear and panic are somehow related to domination – the strength of fear and the weakness of the person, the power of fear and the submission of the person. If you stop feeling like a victim, the fear disappears.
In the second stage, when the panic attack has already started, you also need to stop feeling like a victim of fear. You have seen the phrase "Fight or Flight mode" many times. I suggest you choose Fight mode – face your fear head-on. Remember the behavior of bullies who often fight and call names – they are not afraid of anyone, but everyone is afraid of them. In a moment of panic, you need to get into the role of such a bully and start to fight the panic. Treat the panic as an enemy and be confident in your victory. Use rude or obscene language towards the panic, you can start waving your arms in the air (just don't injure yourself accidentally). Also, don't aim to reduce or avoid fear – it doesn't work. On the contrary, try to increase the fear – only then you will not feel like a victim. Example of dialogue (swearing) with panic: "Go on! Try to intensify!!! Try as hard as you can!!! Come on! Scare me more!!!"
There is a video on YouTube showing this technique, but I don’t recommend watching it, because it can exacerbate symptoms. If you decide to watch this video, be prepared to apply this or the next technique.
[POV] Panic Attacks & DPDR Simulation (TRIGGER WARNING)

Freeze response

Usually a panic attack is felt as Fight or Flight mode, but sometimes there is panic in the form of Freeze response. In my case it felt like consternation, sense of dread, dissociation, also visual noise and tinnitus appeared.
In my experience, to suppress this type of panic attack you need to return to a conscious state – to focus your attention on something. Try using internal self-talk to focus your attention and reduce stress. Call yourself by name and talk to yourself for a few minutes. For example, try to calm yourself. Also try to comment on your actions – what you are doing now or what you are going to do later. Mentally pronounce every sentence, every word. You can ask yourself questions and give answers to them. It does not matter what kind of self-talk you will have – the main thing is to have it as consciously as possible, completely concentrate on it.
By the way, concentration and mindfulness can be trained through meditation. For example, during mindfulness meditation a person concentrates on thoughts, breathing or surrounding sounds.
YouTube video about internal self-talk:
Is it normal to talk to yourself?
Vox article about meditation:
A guide to meditation for people who think they can’t meditate

Other fears

Other fears can also lead to panic attacks and worsen symptoms. I think many people in this situation will tend to catastrophize because there is a frightening sense of the unknown. At least that's how it was for me. Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion, usually with very limited information or objective reason to despair.^\41]) Experiencing anxiety about your condition is completely normal. But I want to caution you against catastrophizing, because it is the reason why your symptoms can get worse and last longer. On the contrary, be optimistic and confident in your abilities. Be confident that you can overcome this challenge. The less stress you experience, the faster you will recover.
The main fear that comes up in this situation is the fear that the symptoms will last for a long time. Everyone fears it, but everyone recovers over time. You can be sure of that. Everyone has a different duration of symptoms, but in most cases, significant improvement is seen in as little as 3 months. Also, symptoms may last longer due to co-occurring drug use or co-existing mental illness.
The next fear is that your personality has changed, that you have permanently lost your former sense of self and emotions. That's also not true. Over time, you will fully return to normal and feel the same as you did before taking Lion's Mane. This feeling is called Depersonalization-Derealization (DPDR) and it passes with time.^\27])
Other fears may also appear. For example, fear of developing severe and incurable diseases, of damaging some body systems, etc. If a medical diagnosis from multiple qualified doctors does not confirm your concerns, you are probably catastrophizing.

Depersonalization-Derealization

The main cause of DPDR is panic attacks, which we have already learned to control. Here is a quote from a scientific article:

"This condition can be accompanied by a sense of unreality about the outside world and by out-of-body experiences, and is believed to be a defensive mechanism of the brain in order to protect the organism in acute anxiety or traumatic situations."

It is also important to avoid anxious thoughts. You should start doing normal activities and not fixate on your health condition. Don't read articles and posts about diseases. Try to pretend that you are feeling normal. Express positive emotions like an actor.
You can also try grounding techniques. Let's suppose you are walking down a city street. Concentrate on the present moment. You don't have to walk being deep in thought. On the contrary, start paying maximum attention to everything around you. Activate your sensory perception.
Name things you see: passing cars, people, buildings, signs and shop windows, streetlights, trees, birds...
Name things you hear: the sounds of cars, people's voices, the rustling of leaves...
Name things you smell: the smell from a cafe or a bakery, the smell from a perfume shop...
Name things that touch your skin: wind, clothes, shoes...
Concentrate on the present moment and on your sensory perception. When you learn how to do this, try not to name objects and feelings with words, but just to notice them. It is also called mindfulness. You can stay in this state several times a day. It improves well-being and mood even in healthy people.
More grounding techniques:
18 grounding techniques to help relieve anxiety
Excellent YouTube video with 3 steps to treat DPDR:
How I recovered from depersonalization disorder...

Dysphoria and suicidal thoughts

If you have these symptoms, you need to follow these steps:

1. Identify negative and suicidal thoughts. These thoughts may be based on self-criticism, perfectionism, contempt for oneself or others, anger and rage, feelings of shame, feelings of failure, hopelessness, and a gloomy view of your past, present and future.
2. Realize that these thoughts are caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters that leads to a distorted perception of reality. You need to separate those emotions and thoughts from your "real" self. Do not allow these thoughts to develop, even if they seem reasoned and truthful.
3. Practice self-compassion instead of self-judgment. Try to treat yourself as a friend, not an enemy. Always check what you are saying to yourself in your inner speech.

This will not eliminate your dysphoria completely, but it will help you see things more clearly so that you don't make irreversible mistakes. If your emotions are unbearable or there is a risk of self-harm, then see a doctor.
A must read for anyone who has ever suffered from depression or anxiety:
Self-compassion makes you a better person. Here’s how to practice it.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself
Self-Compassion Test

Important tips

• Temporarily avoid physical stress because it stimulates the Central Nervous System. Intense sports, hard work and heat causes physical stress;
• Do not use stimulants: caffeine, alcohol, drugs;
• Take a rest periodically. Simply get into a comfortable position and do nothing for at least 5 minutes. You can close your eyes if you want. Browsing content on the smartphone is not a replacement for such rest;
• Do not suppress the expressions of negative emotions. For example, do not suppress body trembling or tears – these are the body's natural ways to release stress and restore normal functioning. By the way, crying is a form of self-compassion which was mentioned above;
• If you can't fall asleep, don't try to do it through force – sit down and try breathing techniques to reduce anxiety. See a doctor if you have persistent insomnia;
• Use a lamp or nightlight if anxiety is enhanced in a dark environment;
• Talking to people you trust can reduce symptoms. But you should avoid toxic people who violate psychological boundaries;
• It is very important to consume only positive content. Fully immerse yourself in something that used to evoke positive emotions. Don't watch/listen/read anything that lowers your mood or causes anxiety. A comedy movie is much better than action movies or articles about diseases. Before writing this post, I was feeling normal, but as I was writing it, my symptoms partly returned. This happened because I was fully immersed in this negative topic. I took a break for a week to get back to normal;
• Be gentle with yourself, don't criticize or blame yourself. Praise yourself for your resilience!
• Be optimistic, self-confident and persistent. The more you believe in your ability to take control of your condition, the faster you will recover.

Supplements

Chamomile tea has long been used for calmness and sleep disorders. Some authors reported that the sedative effect is due to a flavonoid, apigenin, found in chamomile. Apigenin acts by binding to benzodiazepine receptors present in the brain.^\42])
Chamomile is likely safe when used in amounts commonly found in teas. It might be safe when used orally for medicinal purposes over the short term. Side effects are uncommon and may include nausea, dizziness, and allergic reactions. Rare cases of anaphylaxis (a life-threatening allergic reaction) have occurred in people who consumed or came into contact with chamomile products.^\43])
Examine: Apigenin
Supplemental GABA in the dose range of 20 to 300 mg has been used to improve sleep quality, mood and markers of stress, while a dose of 800 mg has been used to improve attention.^\44])
Oral supplementation with GABA appears to be fairly safe and well-tolerated, with no evidence of toxicity in animal studies or serious side effects in human studies. However, abdominal discomfort, headache, and drowsiness has been documented following supplementation with GABA.^\44])
Examine: GABA
WebMD Reviews: GABA

Doctors

Experience has shown that going to a doctor does not always bring results. If your doctor does not believe in long-lasting effects after Lion's Mane, he or she is incompetent. As far as I understand it, doctors rarely deal with Substance-Induced Disorders (SIDs) and therefore they are not always aware that these diagnoses are listed in ICD-10 and other classifications. By the way, you can learn more about SIDs in this post. A good option would be to see a psychiatrist specializing in DPDR or Anxiety Disorders. The ideal option is to see a specialist with experience in treating SIDs.
The question remains, what is better – to take medication in the hope of reducing symptoms or to use psychotherapy and wait for the body to recover on its own? Doctors cannot guarantee the safety of using medication, so the decision is yours. My personal opinion (possibly wrong) – if the symptoms are unbearable or too prolonged, medication is needed. In other cases, psychotherapy, chamomile tea and time will help you.
A sample list of doctor specialties:

• Psychiatrist or psychotherapist specializing in Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder or Anxiety Disorders;
• Psychiatrist or psychotherapist with experience treating Substance-Induced Disorders (SIDs);
• Neurologist and use of fMRI – in case of long-term physical or mental symptoms (rare cases);
• Toxicologist for suspected poisoning by foreign substances (rare cases).

Conclusion

Obviously this post cannot be called "The Complete Guide". This title was chosen to attract attention. But hopefully I was able to collect the most valuable information here so you could speed up the recovery.
P.S. I made a full recovery 7 months after the onset of symptoms. In the first 3 months, the symptoms gradually decreased. Over the next 4 months there were several "flashbacks" that I managed thanks to the techniques and tips listed in this post.
References are listed in this post.

My background is in UX/UI, design, branding, and development. I built Fodo: the instant camera app that snaps and sends real prints. “Fodo” prints arrive by mail in days. It’s a fun way to print and share prints.
It’s basically like if Polaroid and Snapchat had a baby.
It’s great for travel, adventure, weddings, friends, events, festivals, and anyone sentimental or nostalgic who might enjoy photo prints and the old-fashioned charm of receiving snail mail 💌📬
The target audience is 18-28, leaning heavily female, Polaroid users who want to travel lightly by leaving the physical camera at home but still want to get prints of their special moments. These people are active, social, care about their friends, and making the best out of life.
The mission of the app is all about bringing close friends closer together by sharing photos IRL. Best friends mail friends. Real life friends. Bringing back snail mail. Making photo printing fun and easy. And giving prints to parents/grandparents who feel disconnected from our social-media-centric lives. Also, giving people tools to help quit addictive social media apps by focusing more on the people who matter most and less on internet strangers.
My focus has been on product development and although existing users love the product, it’s mostly been my friends and family using it and it’s growing too slowly organically. People only take so many photos worth printing. I’d like to continue focusing on product design and development as I’m trying to take on marketing activities and feeling spread thin.
The app has been around for a year, I’ve mailed out thousands of prints already, have an honest 5-star rating on the iOS App Store. Launching on android soon and also developing international mailing options.
I’m open to suggestions, but I think collaborating with influencers and creators is crucial for this concept. I have some experience running meta ads but it would be a bonus if you could take over that as well.
I’d love if someone could take over sending out DMs and building relationships with micro-influencers on Instagram and TikTok. If you’d be comfortable recording and creating content that would be even better. I’ve found enough people are willing to post content in exchange for free “Fodo Points” so I’d like to keep building those connections and fostering those relationships in an authentic and personal way.
I’m currently drowning in messages and emails and I’m also very anti-social-media so I don’t know how to best collaborate with influencers and creators. I don’t even use TikTok so I’m lost on how to get started with it. Everyone is telling me that this would do really well on TikTok, so I’d love to partner with someone who knows the platform inside and out and is experienced with influencers and trends.
My main reason for focusing on influencers is because this concept seems to have a story that needs to be told in an authentic way and I sense connecting with gen Z through videos is the most relatable and “cool” method that they would expect for an app like this.
I’m open to setting up email funnels, and possibly testing direct mail and search ads. I don’t have much experience there but I imagine they’re worth setting up and testing.
If you’re interested, please DM me a detailed introduction with your experience, your thoughts on the app, and your location. I would prefer if you were in California or West Coast but open to meeting anyone in the US.
Oh, and you can view the current Instagram content by finding “fodofun”, but there isn’t much happening there yet.
You can find the app on the iOS App Store under the name “Fodo: Instant Camera”.
Thanks for reading!

So me and my two adult children Clara 19 and Jamie 26 moved to a new city recently (about 2 years ago) we had lived in vegas but we lost our fathehusband so we relocated closer to my family.
We have always been close but the passing of their farther brought us even closer than ever before. The grief was so hard we’d sometimes have to wash one another (with underwear). Over time we started not to think about it sometimes the children wouldn’t wear anything being their mother having een it all before I didn’t think about it but it gave us a bond that you just can’t get any other way. As time passed and things got better life got back to normal.
We were having a dinner party with some friends and my sister and her two alex 19 and Jake 22 showed up we, accommodated them and it kind of dominated the evening as we’d not seen each other for so long. My youngest had never met hers so they went off to play or what ever young people do in their rooms.
The next morning at breakfast Clara told me she felt embarrassed the night before Alex my sisters daughter had been talking about kissing and touching saying that her x bf had said she was a terrible kisser then Clara offered to confirm or deny as a joke before she could say joke Alex kissed her on the lips. As they kissed Alex began touching Clara’s breasts and Clara said she quite enjoyed it but felt weird cause Alex was her cousin.
I comforted her and said it’s totally normal. Being brought up free and wild I had done all sorts of things with my family but never even uttered a word as I used to fear what my passed husband would have thought he never knew a thing. I told her how I would practice on my brothers all the time. I know she immediately felt at ease and we went about our day. When she left I told our son to look out for her at work (they work in the same place) as she was a little distracted.
So this bit I wasn’t there for but from what I’ve gathered. While at work my son pulled his sister aside to ask what mom was on about and was she ok? She explained and her brother being a hero recounted our similar experience with another cousin and my subsequent chat with him years ago. As my daughter is quite self conscious she asked Jamie if they could chat later in his room.
The door opened and I was mid masturbation when I heard Clara and Jamie were getting in from work. But instead of hitting the tv and kitchen like they do normally they both went to Clara’s room.
I went down stairs and peeked through the corner of the door only to see them kissing Jamie’s was instructing her to use tongue add a little suction occasionally etc I couldn’t believe it I was so proud to see my little family getting closer. I was a little worried however Jamie was a 6’ and a strong guy defined muscles tan skin and last I knew the owner of a nice sized manhood. Clara with very sexual developed but some what if a prude so to see her with her brother was a relief even if it was a taboo.
As I watched my ankle cracked (old joints but I’m only 42) they heard I pretended to be passing the room. I heard them say mom so popped my head in and they explained everything. I said let’s make dinner and chat more later.
After we had cleaned up I told them the story of my own family with a lot more detail about my mothefarther and siblings. This made both of them wide eyed and completely interested. I put my hand on my sons on the table and my son put his other hand on top and began sliding it up and down my forearm. At the same time my daughter was playing footsie with me.
I could see in the corner of my eye my son’s t-shirt twitching I knew he must have had a raging boner under it as I could see the tip moving his shirt quite a bit. I suggested we all go to sleep as being their passed dads birthday it was a sad night and we should reflect on that and not my incestual past.
While laying in my bed eyes wide wet as a fire truck from thinking of banging my own son god forgive me, that clip of his throbbing cock under his t shirt was burned in to my brain. There was a knock. My daughter said she wanted to sleep in my bed as she felt lonely and wanted to cuddle. So invited her in to little spoon. As we started to fall asleep I heard my door and then my son climbed in behind me. I thought aww he must have felt the same but as I felt his cock on my bum I quickly realised he had heard his sister seen us cuddling and thought this was a different kind of situation.
Now my son is beautiful I love him so much and already being wet I kinda wanted it to happen As at least we’d be closer and fuck I knew it would feel sooo good. I put my arm on his thigh to acknowledge his presence and he then laced his fingers and moved my arm and cupped my breast with both our hands. I only sleep in a baggy tshirt so everything was easy to erm access. As his cock twitched I started to move my bum up and down as if trying to get comfortable in small movements till I the felt him get caught on my already soaking pussy as he did I then felt him move up the bed slightly so he was able to enter me and wow what a fucking epic feeling that was I think he almost came and I know it wouldn’t take that long. With my daughter asleep or so I thought in front of me my son started fucking me from behind. It was honestly the best most amazing dick I’d ever had. My daughter turned to face me while seeming to be asleep but then she pushed her face forward and kissed my lips we kissed passionately and with tounge her brother had taught her well. She then traced my sternum down over my navel and began slowly rubbing my clit. I couldn’t believe it I was being essentially double teamed by my own kids.
Not to miss out on the fun I slide my soft hand down and started wanking off Clara soon as I touched her pussy I was shocked at how wet she was, she was love it moaning and the. Rolling over and laid on her back spreading her legs panting under her breath “yes mommy ugh mommy”. I whispered to my son to reposition and I slide down to eat my daughter’s pussy while my son entered me from behind again. We must have played for hours in many positions I know I came twice and my daughter three or four especially after riding her brother who finished inside her (and myself) as I watched and wanked and then she sat in my face as my son fucked me senseless, honestly was cream pie central. It was a beautiful night that brought us so close and now every Sunday we try make time to become closer 🥰 I love them and I hope they never move out.
Right better dash out to get some plan b before me and my daughter have my sons baby. Hope you all enjoyed my evening as much as I did.

Hi, I’m 30 years old and a brand new mom. Baby was born at 34 weeks at 4lbs 5oz and comes home from the NICU later today. These past 2 weeks I’ve been completely in awe of her and loved spending time at the hospital to feed and snuggle her. It’s felt so unreal, I loved her from the second I saw her. Looks just like her her dad who I love with all my heart and I was very excited to take her home and take care of her. Yesterday I went to the hospital to see her, and she spit up and then immediately started like gagging then screaming and turning red. It scared the absolute hell out of me and I had no idea what to do. I picked her up and tried to console her and wipe all the mess off her face but she kept crying so the nurse came in and just handled it like a pro. I was terrified thinking she couldn’t breathe or was choking and she just comes in cleans her up and changes her clothes like it’s no big deal. It was a really humbling moment for me. Now I’m terrified to bring her home, because I have no idea what to do. I have no prior experience with babies and today I should be so excited but I’m scared beyond words. Been crying since I woke up, just in a complete panic. Can someone please give me some advice on bringing home a new baby so small? She’s so fragile and I’m clueless.

What I'm trying to understand is what Jung means when he says 'That was when I learned what a neurosis is', and how I can apply that to ending challenges with studying.
I did some research and to my current understanding, (please correct me if any parts are different) he seems to say that neurosis is about avoiding reality due to anxiety related to performing a certain task?Would Jung fainting be a symptom of the neurosis around studying here?
And it seems he's saying he was fainting on purpose, or perhaps 'allowing' the fainting because he didn't want to study? He finally overcame the fainting by having a change of mindset of wanting to avoid not being able to work in the future, and then proceeding to simply push through the fainting and study the Latin grammar. When he says that day he finally understood what a neurosis is, is he saying the anxiety around study was bringing about the physiological response of fainting, but such responses, if brought to the conscious, can be controlled (and controlled immediately in one sitting, albeit with a string drove to do so in his case)?
Also, why does Jung feel guilt and shame around the event, (intrinsically it seems, aside from others' opinions too) and seem to give the idea that he orchestrated the event, it seems he's referring to being the cause of even the part where he got pushed by the other boy? Is this more of a spiritual take where because he didn't want to study, his desire became reality (in a painful way) and therefore he felt guilty for wanting to find escapism from study? Or is it more literal?
Also is a point being made in the final paragraph that being in solitude for the purpose of exploring nature and spirituality, and using escapism, away from society, can lead to and exacerbate a neurosis?
So I ask all of this yes out of a growing interest in psychology especially Jungian, but very practically because I'm trying to understand how I can solve challenges regarding my own studies.
I'm currently studying maths at university, and have had challenges with studying since the time following Covid 19. These included moving school to one where I was one of very few new students, bullying, longing for the past (both previous school and how life was pre-covid), along with study becoming a lot more independent. As well as away from school: having challenges navigating my beliefs, home life as a 2nd gen (born in country of origin but moved as a baby) where cultural values between home and current country clashed, and just generally (especially following standstills due to lockdowns), realising both practically and in in my observations (which I would ruminate on regardless of if I could do anything to solve the challenges whether personal or in some news article), very suddenly and rapidly, that the world is a very harsh place, very different from how I once viewed it with rose-tinted glasses.
There's several factors to consider, that could be making studying effectively more challenging, of course even without what I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Studying poses its own innate challenges as learning new content is challenging in itself. So now differentiating this from these challenges is yet anther challenge to overcome.
Nevertheless, alongside working on overcoming the 'side challenges' I'll call them, my main pursuit has consistently been to 'push through' as it seems Jung did to improve his studies. I would say I've done well overall, come a long way, and I am proud of my achievements, yet there have beent several occurences of not meeting goals, (causing an unplanned gap year), and also a failed exam despite consistent efforts. Yes, there's more I could have done to avoid that failure, and I know there are topics I didn't fully understand even by the time the exam came, and there are extended practice sheets (not complusory but helpful practice, and I did all the compulsory work and then my own extra study including asking questions on what I didn't yet understand) that were available that I'm doing now in preparation to re-sit the exam. All of this is to say, despite this, it feels too much like some sort of cycle of underperformance I need to break out of, yet pushing through seems to be becoming less effective. In slightly-post-covid-but-pre-university times, it was things like missing the top grade I needed by a few marks, but I have never failed an exam before this.
For more context, just a few months pre-Covid I was scoring not only best in year but in the whole school in mathematics, and yes I worked very hard, but it didn't feel like I was walking through fire to do so, and was excelling in almost all of my subjects, and also really enjoying the process of learning, with much better mood overall, and was even getting quite fit! Even if I was albeit on auto-plilot of having a streak of good previous results, and didn't even believe mental health 'existed' or could have a serious impact on how people function from what I'd heard, and they should just push through, which of course is what I'm actually now trying to figure out. In regards to getting my mental health sorted, I'm working on doing that as much as I know how to, and learning through knowledge on reddit and more, without being triggered to the point of having study affected, and have reached out for advice.
These days I'm fighting the self-doubt of repeated underperformance and anxiety about my current study methods and more fundamentally if I'm even targeting the right areas, not being completely sure of what went wrong in certain past exams since scripts aren't returned.
I've done so much research on studying smarter not harder, and fighting perfectionistic tendencies of reading the notes on the topic that precede the questions for so long that I've used all energy on that rather than active practice, (and then procrastinate or even fall asleep at my desk) especially for a subject like mathematics where practice is key.
If anyone of this subreddit could give any insight into this I'd truly appreciate it. If it helps, I'm INFJ-T the last 5 times I did the Myers-Briggs test. Thank you.
I've pasted an excerpt below on Carl Jung's book 'Memories, Dreams and Reflections' approx pages 44-49:
EXCERPT:
"Whenever it was a question of an equivalence, then it was said that a : a, b : b, and so on. This I could accept, whereas a : b seemed to me a downright lie or a fraud. I was equally outraged when the teacher stated in the teeth of his own definition of parallel lines that they met at infinity. This seemed to me no better than a stupid trick to catch peasants with, and I could not and would not have anything to do with it. My intellectual morality fought against these whimsical inconsistencies, which have forever debarred me from understanding mathematics. Right into old age I have had the incorrigible feeling that if, like my schoolmates, I could have accepted without a struggle the proposition that a : b, or that sun : moon, dog = cat, then mathematics might have fooled me endlessly--just how much I only began to realize at the age of eighty four. All my life it remained a puzzle to me why it was that I never managed to get my bearings in mathematics when there was no doubt whatever that I could calculate properly. Least of all did I understand my own moral doubts concerning mathematics. Equations I could comprehend only by inserting specific numerical values in place of the letters and verifying the meaning of the operation by actual calculation. As we went on in mathematics I was able to get along, more or less, by copying out algebraic formulas whose meaning I did not understand, and by memorizing where a particular combination of letters had stood on the blackboard. I could no longer make headway by substituting numbers, for from time to time the teacher would say, "Here we put the expression so and-so," and then he would scribble a few letters on the blackboard. I had no idea where he got them and why he did it--the only reason I could see was that it enabled him to bring the procedure to what he felt was a satisfactory conclusion. I was so intimidated by my incomprehension that I did not dare to ask any questions. Mathematics classes became sheer terror and torture to me. Other subjects I found easy; and as, thanks to my good visual memory, I contrived for a long while to swindle my way through mathematics, I usually had good marks. But my fear of failure and my sense of smallness in face of the vast world around me created in me not only a dislike but a kind of silent despair which completely ruined school for me. In addition, I was exempted from drawing classes on grounds of utter incapacity. This in a way was welcome to me, since it gave me more free time; but on the other hand it was a fresh defeat, since I had some facility in drawing, although I did not realize that it depended essentially on the way I was feeling. I could draw only what stirred my imagination. But I was forced to copy prints of Greek gods with sightless eyes, and when that wouldn't go properly the teacher obviously thought I needed something more naturalistic and set before me the picture of a goat's head. This assignment I failed completely, and that was the end of my drawing classes. To my defeats in mathematics and drawing there was now added a third: from the very first I hated gymnastics. I could not endure having others tell me how to move. I was going to school in order to learn something, not to practice useless and senseless acrobatics. Moreover, as a result of my earlier accidents, I had a certain physical timidity which I was not able to overcome until much later on. This timidity was in turn linked with a distrust of the world and its potentialities. To be sure, the world seemed to me beautiful and desirable, but it was also filled with vague and incomprehensible perils. Therefore I always wanted to know at the start to what and to whom I was entrusting myself. Was this perhaps connected with my mother, who had abandoned me for several months? When, as I shall describe later, my neurotic fainting spells began, the doctor forbade me to engage in gymnastics, much to my satisfaction. I was rid of that burden--and had swallowed another defeat. The time thus gained was not spent solely on play. It permitted me to indulge somewhat more freely the absolute craving I had developed to read every scrap of printed matter that fell into my hands. My twelfth year was indeed a fateful one for me. One day in the early summer of 1887 I was standing in the cathedral square, waiting for a classmate who went home by the same route as myself. It was twelve o'clock, and the morning classes were over. Suddenly another boy gave me a shove that knocked me off my feet. I fell, striking my head against the curbstone so hard that I almost lost consciousness. For about half an hour afterward I was a little dazed. At the moment I felt the blow the thought flashed through my mind: "Now you won't have to go to school any more." I was only half unconscious, but I remained lying there a few moments longer than was strictly necessary, chiefly in order to avenge myself on my assailant. Then people picked me up and took me to a house nearby, where two elderly spinster aunts lived. From then on I began to have fainting spells whenever I had to return to school, and whenever my parents set me to doing my homework. For more than six months I stayed away from school, and for me that was a picnic. I was free, could dream for hours, be anywhere I liked, in the woods or by the water, or draw. I resumed my battle pictures and furious scenes of war, of old castles that were being assaulted or burned, or drew page upon page of caricatures. Similar caricatures sometimes appear to me before falling asleep to this day, grinning masks that constantly move and change, among them familiar faces of people who soon afterward died. Above all, I was able to plunge into the world of the mysterious. To that realm belonged trees, a pool, the swamp, stones and animals, and my father's library. But I was growing more and more away from the world, and had all the while faint pangs of conscience. I frittered away my time with loafing, collecting, reading, and playing. But I did not feel any happier for it; I had the obscure feeling that I was fleeing from myself. I forgot completely how all this had come about, but I pitied my parents' worries. They consulted various doctors, who scratched their heads and packed me off to spend the holidays with relatives in Winterthur. This city had a railroad station that proved a source of endless delight to me. But when I returned home everything was as before. One doctor thought I had epilepsy. I knew what epileptic fits were like and I inwardly laughed at such nonsense. My parents became more worried than ever. Then one day a friend called on my father. They were sitting in the garden and I hid behind a shrub, for I was possessed of an insatiable curiosity. I heard the visitor saying to my father, "And how is your son?" "Ah, that's a sad business," my father replied. "The doctors no longer know what is wrong with him. They think it may be epilepsy. It would be dreadful if he were incurable. I have lost what little I had, and what will become of the boy if he cannot earn his own living?" I was thunderstruck. This was the collision with reality. "Why, then, I must get to work!" I thought suddenly. From that moment on I became a serious child. I crept away, went to my father's study, took out my Latin grammar, and began to cram with intense concentration. After ten minutes of this I had the finest of fainting fits. I almost fell off the chair, but after a few minutes I felt better and went on working. "Devil take it, I'm not going to faint," I told myself, and persisted in my purpose. This time it took about fifteen minutes before the second attack came. That, too, passed like the first. "And now you must really get to work!" I stuck it out, and after an hour came the third attack. Still I did not give up, and worked for another hour, until I had the feeling that I had overcome the attacks. Suddenly I felt better than I had in all the months before. And in fact the attacks did not recur. From that day on I worked over my grammar and other schoolbooks every day. A few weeks later I returned to school, and never suffered another attack, even there. The whole bag of tricks was over and done with! That was when I learned what a neurosis is. Gradually the recollection of how it had all come about returned to me, and I saw clearly that I myself had arranged this whole disgraceful situation. That was why I had never been seriously angry with the schoolmate who pushed me over. I knew that he had been put up to it, so to speak, and that the whole affair was a diabolical plot on my part. I knew, too, that this was never going to happen to me again. I had a feeling of rage against myself, and at the same time was ashamed of myself. For I knew that I had wronged myself and made a fool of myself in my own eyes. Nobody else was to blame; I was the cursed renegade! From then on I could no longer endure my parents' worrying about me or speaking of me in a pitying tone. The neurosis became another of my secrets, but it was a shameful secret, a defeat. Nevertheless it induced in me a studied punctiliousness and an unusual diligence. Those days saw the beginnings of my conscientiousness, practiced not for the sake of appearances, so that I would amount to something, but for my own sake. Regularly I would get up at five o'clock in order to study, and sometimes I worked from three in the morning till seven, before going to school. What had led me astray during the crisis, was my passion for being alone, my delight in solitude. Nature seemed to me full of wonders, and I wanted to steep myself in them. Every stone, every plant, every single thing seemed alive and indescribably marvelous. I immersed myself in nature, crawled, as it were, into the very essence of nature and away from the whole human world."

I always felt/feel disgust when I saw/see people wear shorts and high socks, especially when they‘re not straightened. I always feel stupid when I notice that feeling but somehow nobody relates to my issue.
I obviously never said that out loud as people are allowed to wear what they want. Is there perhaps a word for that or a reason?

I'm currently working on a series about first contact between the aliens from Hyterrum and what remains of the human race. It's going to take me a while to outline it and figure out all the kinks (We the Forgotten was half a year on-and-off). Also, I have a re-write of WtF planned later.
In the meanwhile, here's something I wrote one afternoon, on a whim. It's not got the layers and connections I tried to put in WtF, but I thought y'all might enjoy.

Some of you might be able to tell where the inspiration for this came from (It's a near-copy of something from this sub), and I'm not even going to pretend to take credit for this idea.

If you're one of the few who has read WtF, unfortunately this isn't one of my higher quality works.
“Your ships are made by machines,” Trilhi stated, his dragon-like body staying impossibly still.
“Yes,” was the only reply ambassador Charles Laurent could think of as he stared at the Hyterran. Why would something like that come as a surprise to a spacefaring species?
“Are they like Creation Engines, controlled by a hive-mind to manipulate matter in a greater capacity than a regular person can?”
“Hm, that does sound like our matter-printers, but no. Our machines do not require human control to function.”
There was a pause as Trilhi simply stared back at Laurent. When his next words came, Laurent could swear he heard a hint of incredulity in their translator-vocalizer’s uniformly flat voice.
“And you made these machines to make these ships?”
“Well, not me, but they were designed by many others and were assembled from parts made from other machines.”
“Impossible. The complexity required for a machine to make another machine is unfathomable. You say you cannot build a ship, yet you can build a machine that can build a ship?”
“I may not be able to, but the people in the spaceship manufacturing industry sure know how to. And the machines really aren’t that complex, we just give them instructions which they follow repeatedly given the correct input materials.”
“Industry. What is that?”
What? How do they not know industry is? Or maybe they do not group their production like we do? “An industry is a specific field of production or service. For example, the spaceship industry specializes in designing and making spacecraft, and are made up of many people specialized in their own job. For example, there are the designers who conceptualize the spacecraft, dictate what they want and why, and then there are the engineers that figure out how to turn the designs into reality, and they are the ones who give the instructions to the machines, which performs the actual production of the parts of the spacecraft. And then above all of them are the managers, who oversee their work and pick the best people for each job.”
Trilhi seemed to ponder on what Laurent had said, but soon his focus returned with an inquisitive gaze “But why? I understand that some may be better at one task than others, yet the system you describe sounds unnecessarily complex. If one aspect of the system fails, the entire system fails. Our people have a concept that roughly translates to ‘the more parts in a system, the more ways in which it can break.’ What possible advantages can such a complex system have to warrant the risks?”
“First of all, you are correct. If one person slacks off, it can definitely affect the whole. Yet at the same time, the more one person specializes in their job, the better they get at it, and the less likely they are to mess up. As for the advantages of such a system, it allows for the mass production of goods. That alone makes it more than worth it.”
“But what does one gain from having so much of one thing, when it comes at the expense of everything else. Surely you can’t have such complex systems for everything you produce…” Trilhi trailed off as Laurent’s expression answered for him. The two stood in silence as Trilhi pondered over the human’s words, and Laurent wondered at how such an advanced species like the Hyterrans cannot seem to grasp such simple concepts. Their means of production must be completely different from ours, but what could it be like? They obviously have the ability to produce spacecraft…
Before he could ask, the massive Hyterran spoke up again. Trilhi had now walked over to the side wall where the clear composite barrier that separated their incompatible environments were crudely attached to the walls with large L-brackets and bolts.
“These connecting structures,” he said, pointing to the bolts, “although rather inefficient, are quite fascinating. They are functionally identical in their dimensions and composition. Why go to such lengths instead of simply attaching the barrier to the wall directly at a molecular level?”
Laurent smiled, but it was a somewhat stressed smile. Do these aliens not know what interchangeable parts are!? “Now, this is one advantage of mass production. Through our machines, we can produce parts that are functionally identical, as you said, with ease. And since the parts are identical, they can be made compatible with many other parts, allowing us to arrange and replace them at ease. In fact, much of this ship is made from mass produced standardized parts such as these. We simply find the parts we need, and assemble them. It is much simpler, cheaper, and faster than, in the case of this barrier, fusing it with the wall at an atomic level.”
If Laurent could read Hyterran facial expressions, assuming they had any, he would say that Trilhi looked impressed. While still maintaining his air of inquisitiveness and incredulity, of course.
Trilhi seemed to get the implications behind what Laurent had said, because he asked, “how long does it take you to build a station such as this?”
Now Laurent had to do a bit of thinking. “This particular station already existed and was refitted for our meeting, but a station like this, being mostly modular, would take…under a month to build.”
“Under a month!? If this room is anything to judge the complexity of the station by, it would take a typical hivemind over one of your years to build something of this scale! Even the biggest and most capable hiveminds would take several months using the largest Creation Engines we have. Perhaps we should consider your overly complex systems of production.”
Letting out a small chuckle, Laurent felt himself satisfied by the Hyterran’s reaction. He was never one to show off, but he couldn’t deny that he got at least some amount of joy from the events. But he soon found himself overcome by curiosity.
“So, how do you Hyterrans build ships?”
“Ships are simple. We take the necessary parts, such as a reactor, main drive, steering system, sensor array, and neural network, and we determine the simplest and most optimal form for each, and we create them. Each ship is built specifically for its purpose, usually by a hivemind using a Creation Engine, although we could do it ourselves if we wished.”
Wait, what? “Yourself? As in, a single Hyterran can build an entire spaceship?”
“Correct.”
“Really? How would you do that?” Laurent could not imagine any way for these aliens, with their small appendages, to possibly build an entire spaceship by themselves.
“Shipbuilding is typically done by small hiveminds, but a typical Hyterran can build a ship by themselves given more time. As for how, I do not understand why that is of question. Surely you can manipulate the world around you, correct?”
Well, yes, of course we can, what kind of a question is that…unless we have completely different ideas of what “manipulate” means… “Can you show me how you manipulate the world?”
“Of course.” Trilhi moved his two grasper arms slightly, and off the corner of his eye, Laurent could see several sensor readings blink. Then, something truly unbelievable happened. There was a slight glow coming from the air in front of the Hyterran, before it clouded up and condensed into a glob of a water-like liquid, which stretched out into a line and solidified into a perfectly cylindrical pole of ice held in Trilhi’s two graspers. Trilhi looked back at Laurent, pausing at the slack-jawed stare, and asked confusedly, “Can your species not do that?”
Oh. OH. Looking at the sensor readouts, Laurent saw that the room’s temperature had risen by a degree, and many of the electricity-related readings had gone all over the place. Was this…natural electrosynthesis? Like the kind used in expensive matter-printing? How? Was that why their air was ionically charged? And judging by the speed and scale they were able to achieve, this ability surpassed even the best industrial matter-printers. And…
“Does every Hyterran have this ability?”
“Correct. From your current reaction, I assume humans do not?”
“Yeah…and is this how you make your ships? By literally rearranging atoms into the required form and function?”
“Yes. There is a physical limit on how much mass a single Hyterran can control at a time, but usually we are limited by complexity. The more complex the object, the more it strains our mental capacity, and the longer it takes to fabricate. That is why we have hiveminds to drive our Creation Engines, as hiveminds have much greater mental capacity and are capable of more complex tasks.”
Everything was beginning to fall into place now. Trilhi’s surprise at the amount of human ships, why he was struggling to grasp the concept of machine made goods, why he found the identical parts intriguing, why his translator didn’t have a translation for “industry”...it’s because that his species’ unique abilities had allowed them to skip a critical step in human civilization.
They never had an industrial revolution.
But the question was why. Why hadn’t the Hyterrans industrialized? Sure, they could achieve a lot without it, but they could achieve so much more with it. Unless there was something preventing them…and Laurent had an idea as to what.
“How many Hyterrans are there?”
The room seemed to grow silent, the seconds dragging into minutes as Trilhi formulated a reply.
“Before our science fleet left Hyterrum, which was around 2000 of your years ago, the number of confirmed living Hyterrans was around 25 million.”
There it was. It explained everything. The Hyterrans did not industrialize because industrialization would require a level of specialization that their population simply couldn’t support, for benefits that are of limited utility to them. The fact that they got so far with so few must mean that every Hyterran is either incredibly smart, or that their direct mental communication made innovation and the passage of knowledge incredibly easy.
But that also raised a new problem…
“Ambassador Laurent, how many humans are there?”
Laurent considered for a moment on whether to tell him, but quickly decided that he could probably trust the Hyterrans. Besides, it would likely be very bad to withhold information from a Hyterran, given their reaction to the humans’ inability to broadcast their thoughts. So, he decided to answer Trilhi, who was now making his rod of ice hover off to his side.
“Counting every human in Sol Actual, around 36.6 billion.”
There was a clang as the ice hit the composalite floor.
I promise my next one will be more original.
Also this is story is not canonical in the lifecycles universe.

Well, that's an error 404 — misconception not found! Just because surrogates are carrying someone else's bun in the oven doesn't mean we treat them like second hand fridges. Nope! They get top shelf, premium healthcare, hashtag no compromise.
Before surrogates audition for the lead role in this production we call ‘pregnancy’, they undergo medical checks that are so thorough, it would make a TSA pat-down blush. Once they land the part, regular prenatal checkups and wellness visits are scheduled like you'd expect with any A-list celebrity. In other words, surrogates are VIPs in the healthcare department. So, worry not, we've got this baby production process down to a T, and top-notch healthcare is definitely part of the program!