Burner account because i just feel pathetic.
Me (29m) have been with my fiancé (27f) for 8 years. Her physical affection she showed towards me made me feel so loved when we got together. I felt better about myself and my looks then anyone has ever made me feel. I have never felt bad about myself, but she sure as hell reinforced that. I won’t lie, as the young adults our sex life was very wild. Every day to multiple times a day. After 2 years we had a child and it slowed down a little bit. Maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Even that was perfectly fine. She made it so apparent how much she wanted me and how eager she was to every single time. Constant texts and snaps of what we are gonna do when I get off work, etc. always going the extra mile to impress me.
The last 2 years have been drastically different though.. she went from what I just described, to almost nothing at all. I can not remember the last time we had sex that was not me having to ask for it and not just happening naturally. I can not even remember the last time she reciprocated anything. It’s always telling me to hurry up right from the get go and that she is “not feeling good” or any other excuse you can think of. Our sex life has gradually slowed down to maybe once every other week. And even then, I feel it’s out of pity because I know she doesn’t want too. I try so hard to make her life easier as a partner and a parent and relieve her days and spice things up to show her how much she means to me and I feel like it doesn’t matter to her.
I’m getting older, my body is changing, my hair is thinning and falling out. I feel so disgusting and unattractive and she does not invalidate any of these feelings. I have talked with her many times about this and it gets turned around into me “always asking about sex” so I just draw back and suppress my emotions.
Now this alone would be upsetting. But what KILLS me is that some time before she started acting like this towards me, we broke up for about 4 months and thought things were completely over with. During that time we both saw and talked to other people. I was horrified when we got back together and after some time looked at her dating apps. Hundreds of different dudes she was talking to and saying some very sexual sh**. Going into detail about what they were going to do to each other. Sending nudes, etc. Now I know that because we weren’t together she can do whatever she wants. But what eats me up is how easy it was for her to be like this towards strangers, and so many of them at that. And then going right from that to nothing towards me in a close period of time. Why can they so easily get that without even knowing you or not even knowing if they are real. Yet I have spent a good portion of my life with you and don’t get treated like that. Without being insulting, it was like an all you can eat buffet of sexual reciprocation from her to anyone that tried.
I feel so defeated. I am done trying. We aren’t in a position to truly break up as I am renting a room for all of us and neither of us have any family or friends or make enough to move out and truly separate. I work from home so almost 24/7 I am stuck in a box around the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, only to feel like I lost something that I once had with them that I can never get back.

I (29f) took my boyfriend, (26m) to the hospital yesterday morning at 4:30am via ambulance. He came into the room saying he just had a weird moment where he was sitting at his desk and he felt like he got trapped in his brain. He couldn’t move or speak, and it was like he knew how, he just couldn’t make his brain do it. I said that was alarming and he needed to see a dr about it. He went and had a shower and then told me he had another incident like that. And then by the time he got to the bed, he completely went blank which then progressed into jerking movements alongside the inability to speak. I thought he was having a seizure, something he’s never done before. Called the ambulance and then for 3 hours, he continued to have the same episodes. Some where he was absent and others where his body was taught and his legs or arms were jerking.
The drs gave him a strong muscle relaxant and he stopped having these episodes for around 6 hours. And then he was given an anti seizure pill and discharged. Halfway home, he started having these episodes again, so much to his displeasure I took him back to the hospital. He was given an anti seizure medication via IV, but he still continued to have these episodes. At its worst it was a constant in an out with no reprieve in the middle for upwards of 30 minutes. Often times since, when he gets an episode, it won’t be an isolated event. He’ll be in and out for maybe 10-30 minutes and have some time in between. Meaning he doesn’t just have one, and then has a break.
He’s had an MRI, CT, countless blood and urine tests and will be having an EEG as soon as he can. Essentially it all came back as not being consistent with a seizure. His brain is fine.
So the dr mentioned he believed it might be FND. I’ve been doing what research I can on it. And alarmingly, it doesn’t appear like there’s a medication that can help him, and he instead has to unlearn his brain from what I’ve gathered.
It hasn’t been 100% diagnosed as FND, and it won’t be until we do the EGG, but the shorted amount of time we have to wait for that is a month. So it could mean a month of these events where I can’t help him and he keeps getting stuck inside of his mind.
I want to know if any of you have similar episodes, if this sounds familiar to you, and if you’ve done anything that can help bring you out of these events.

Summer is fast approaching and I'm still torn on what my options are for the summer. While I could use the extra money for filling a TFSA, saving for a car, etc. I've had an incredibly stressful two years and am barely managing burnout until the end of June. I took a summer job two years ago to make money and ended up injured, extremely stressed, and miserable (I ended up using most of the money I made over the summer paying for my recovery, ended up with less than $100 in savings for 6 weeks of work). I'm worried tutoring or summer school may be too close to teaching and hinder recovery.
Last summer I took things much easier, but found the lack of structure a bit too extreme. I want to stay stimulated but not have extremely I'm looking into plans for the summer and have come up with the following low-cost options, are there any other options I should look into? Based in Vancouver if relevant.

• Classes at the community centre (fitness, art)
• Volunteer work (2-3 times per week)
• Day trips around the city
• Library reading / self-study sessions

Open to hearing any ideas, tips, or recommendations.

F27, My self esteem is taking hit after hit . I must be very ugly so I will not post pics to not ruin your day.
since i was 13 i was always on some sort of diet, some sort of cosmetic procedure forced by my mom. I put braces from 13 y.o till 17 y.o. Had skin peeling procedures at 15. Had a nose job at 19. Had a botox injection at 20. My hair is in bad state from weekly blow dry . 2 perms in the past 2 years. As well as a face liposuction consultancy. While being on a baby’s portion worth diet.with eating once to twice a day a very small portion.
Now she wants me to get a tooth shaving procedure for my bunny teeth and a retainer ( again) but this time permanent as well as veneers.
I must be very ugly, because when i say no she blames it on me for “ wanting to leave my faults unchecked “ She doesn’t fathom how i might not dislike my features as much. I even noticed she doesn’t feel hunger. She barely eats and tells me she always did. while everyone tells me i’ll fall apart if i don’t eat more. She is always bragging about how guys were heads over heels for her , and i am 27 and neverr dated so maybe she thinks if she fixes my appearance someone might like me.
As a child i wasn’t into makeup or cosmetics and only did it to please her. No i despise that fake plastic look, and i am not a super girly girly girl. I am more adventurous and kinda like exploring.
I know some replies might say that i am an adult but here your parents still have a say till you get married. It is different from the west. There are some cultural intonations to it as well.

From childhood to college to working years and unto death, women are increasingly favored over men for at least the past few decades in America. And not enough people realize this will come with significant costs and downsides to America as we age.
1.)
Teachers give higher grades to girls than to boys with the same academic ability. And the bias is evident across different types of schools and for different teacher characteristics, suggesting teachers are hard-wired to give girls higher marks. The size of the gap is considerable and could have significant long-term consequences, both on college admission and employment prospects:
Researchers compared the results of standardized anonymous tests taken by almost 40,000 15 and 16-year-olds in language and math with the grades the same students were awarded in classroom tests. While the results of the anonymous tests followed the expected pattern, with girls outperforming boys in languages and boys doing better in math, in the non-anonymous classroom tests the girls scored higher in both subjects.
And the disparity could mean the difference between boys getting a pass and a fail in some subjects.
The average grade for girls in language was 6.6 out of 10, compared with 6.2 for boys, and in math it was 6.3 for girls and 5.9 for boys, just under the pass mark of 6.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01425692.2022.2122942
https://www.forbes.com/sites/nickmorrison/2022/10/17/teachers-are-hard-wired-to-give-girls-better-grades-study-says/?sh=7f95fbef70a6
2.)
For the class of 2022, women comprised 58.6% of all bachelor degrees.
For the class of 2022, women comprised 57% of doctorate and professional degrees. As we know, people who have degrees tend to make more money, widening the growing pay gap between men and women.
https://educationdata.org/number-of-college-graduates
3.)
Working women already earn more than men on average, per hour:
The New York, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles metropolitan areas are among the cities where young women are earning the most relative to young men. In both the New York and Washington metro areas, young women earn 102% of what young men earn when examining median annual earnings among full-time, year-round workers…
However, even among full-time, year-round workers, men and women devote DIFFERENT amounts of time to work. Men under 30 usually work 44 hours per week, on average, compared with 42 hours among young women.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/03/28/young-women-are-out-earning-young-men-in-several-u-s-cities/
In healthcare, at least 53.7% of the next generation of doctors are all women. One medical school even BOASTED about the fact that OVER 65% of its student doctors were female.
Please also keep in mind: 22% of women doctors choose to work part time, and 9% of male doctors choose part time. This only exacerbates the doctor shortage in America, as the field continues to grow in favor of a female ratio.
Other healthcare jobs with good pay are dominated by women:
87% of all registered nurses are women.
88.8% of nurse practitioners and 78% of physician assistant students are women (average 130K salary).
https://www.ama-assn.org/education/medical-school-diversity/women-medical-schools-dig-latest-record-breaking-numbers
4.)
Women are living longer and longer than men.
As life expectancy at birth in the US decreased for the second consecutive year, from 78.8 years (2019) to 77.0 years (2020) and 76.1 years (2021), the gap between women and men widened to 5.8 years, its LARGEST since 1996 and an INCREASE from a low of 4.8 years in 2010.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2811338#:~:text=As%20life%20expectancy%20at%20birth,of%204.8%20years%20in%202010.
5.)
Healthcare funding is heavily slanted towards women. Example:
The NIH spending for prostate cancer in 2015 was US$288 million, which is LESS THAN HALF that for breast cancer…The difference between public funding and disease burden is even more striking in the case of COPD: NIH invested a mere US$97 million, almost SEVEN TIMES LESS than for breast cancer, although COPD killed 292,000 Americans, SIX TIMES MORE than breast cancer.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2811338#:~:text=As%20life%20expectancy%20at%20birth,of%204.8%20years%20in%202010.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5836059/#:~:text=The%20NIH%20spending%20for%20prostate,43%2C000%20people%20died%20from%20it.

I don’t know where else to say this. No one believes me, no one that hasn’t seen it already. But I have to say something so here it is and the world can decide.
I was a good worker. I showed up for my shifts and did what my written job description said, never missed a day or a chance for a day off. My goal was to be average, to not be good enough to noticed and given more responsibilities, but also not be bad enough to be noticed and put on watch. It’s what I’ve done all my life. Fly under the radar, be easily missed during inspections and blend into the crowd. I got B’s in school, had no intention of going to college or university, not like I’d ever be able to afford it, just wanted a secure job to let me afford my underachieving lifestyle. Took me almost ten years to find something like that, drifitng from one job to another, leaving when too many people started to notice I was much better at the job than I let on.
And eventually I found the perfect fit for myself. I was an overnight security operator, don’t get excited it’s a fancy title for spending all night watching security monitors, for a commuter train. I can’t say which one or where for the safety of others and myself. The job was simple, watch the camera feeds of my designated train and write a report for anything unusual. On a rare occasion make a statement to the police, and I mean rare occasion. In my five years doing that job I spoke to the police maybe twice before the incident.
I think that’s enough background so onto the point. It was a regular Thursday night, shift started at 10pm, working with Larry, Bob, and Sue (not their real names for their safety and more importantly, mine) watching the cameras. Made some notes, forgotten umbrella (wasn’t raining), camera glitch, group of 4 drunk men, person in hoodie doing the drug addict lean (you know the one). The camera glitch was expected, an extension to the rail line was recently completed which included a very long tunnel through a hill side, which about the middle of it was so deep that the cameras would cut out for about 2-3 seconds. It was actually pretty amazing that we got any signal from the trains in the tunnel at all. The wonders of signal boosters. But something about that night caught my attention. I didn’t know what it was at first, just felt something was off. I ignored it that night because at 3 am, everything feels weird. At the end of the shift, about 930am I made my report for the night, handed the desk over to Bill (again, not their real name) and went home on the same train system I monitored.
But the feeling was still in my head. Something happened on the train that night that I wasn’t consciously aware of. I ignored it still, drank my favorite cheap whiskey and went to bed. The feeling stayed with me the next few days. That damned feeling that you know something isn’t right but you can’t figure out. It’s like when you accidently put your phone in a different pocket than normal. So finally on Monday night (you have no idea how busy security monitors get on weekends) when my trains were in the depot getting cleaned I brought up the Thursday night footage and scrolled through it. Same things I made note of were there but the feeling was still there. So I went through it again. And again. The fifth time through I finally found it.
On the third wagon, almost in the blindspot between the cameras, at 2:58am was a regular person just playing a game on their phone. The camera glitched for 2 seconds, and they were gone. I though maybe they just moved completely into the blindspot but no, they were gone. Didn’t get off the train, didn’t reappear. I checked the entire recording of the night. I had no idea what to do. I should have told someone, or made a report, or anything. Instead, I told myself that was really weird and kept doing my thing. Flying under the radar, trying to be mostly invisible.
Two weeks later on Monday night, I saw it again. The camera glitch, and someone disappearing. I scrolled back the footage to make sure. Again, I did nothing. This time telling myself it was just shadows on the lense or the plastic bubble around the camera was dirty. But you know what they say; once is odd, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. The third time I did something. I made a report. Yeah, real brave i know. Making a comment about “shadows on the lense after tunnel glitch” on my daily report. But that night I started looking into missing people cases. Larry asked what I was doing, I said reading the news while my train was getting cleaned. Better than Bob, who was usually watching youtube and/or playing games on his phone while his train was still making rounds.
Anyways, I found some leads. 3 missing people, last seen heading to the public commuter train before disappearing. But there were more, so many more. Dozens over the past several years, all last seen heading into the area above the new tunnel. Unsurprisingly, they had all been alone at the time.
I won’t go into detail about how this troubled me for nearly a year. Just know that eventually curiosity got its way. On a night off I got my jacket and went out to a train station. Late spring night, a bit colder than prefered, 2am train. The last circuit before this train would make for the depot for maintenance. And I was on it. It would take nearly an hour to reach the tunnel and I was scared but I had to know. Like all those times you watch or read some horror and the character starts reaching for the obviously dangerous thing, you mock them endlessly but I understood now. Fear of the unknown is strong and just seeing what is obviously evil will help you put it out of your mind. But I knew the rules. Be ready to run, have two exits planned, don’t look back.
I sat near the door because I didn’t want to stand the whole time. And when the train finally barreled into the tunnel I started to regret my choice. It was nearly a mile long and just enough room for the train and a very brave worker on each side. I watched my watch 2:59am and ticking closer to 3am. Tick, tick, tick. Who knew a twenty year old analog watch could be so ominous? But then my watch stopped. I looked out the windows and the train had stopped. Not rolled to a stop like trains need to do, just complete dead stop and I didn’t notice. But the lights on the walls were stretched out, the effect that you can only see when you’re moving past them really fast in the dark. My first thought, being a sci-fi fan was that time stopped, yet I moved.
Then I heard a scream and footsteps at the end of the train behind me. I thought about the rules of survival I made and then thought about time being stopped, would the doors open? WOuld I be safe jumping from the train? I’ve seen what happens when someone gets clipped by a train (one of the reasons I had to speak to police) and it’s messy. I heard another scream, desperate and afraid, then the sound of someone tumbling to the floor and something scratching over the floor. A phone bounced off my foot and spun to a stop in front of me. I looked down at it as the screams behind mean grew more horrified and pained. I dared a look at the window to see the reflection of what was happening. And the best I can say is smoke pouring over someone but it was completely shredding the person like a blender but not making a noise and vacuuming up the shreds. Some mental fortitude I didn’t know about kept me from puking and stock still. The screams eventually came to a wet gurgling end and in the reflection I saw a pair of lights flick on in the smoke. Looking back they were eyes but in the moment they were two neon blue lights looking at the window, then making eye contact with me in the reflection. I held my breath.
The smoke soundlessly glided up the aisle and I kept still, not moving at all, keeping my eyes exactly were they were focused before. It drifted closer and closer to me and by god I wanted to cry. It hovered there letting me catch a scent and I want to say it smelled like something burning, or like rot and death, or anything bad. But it was worse, so much worse. It smelled like cooked pork, lightly burnt. It hovered for what felt like hours beside me, I was desperate for air, my eyes were burning from not blinking and those neon lights were staring into my soul. Then the train wobbled as it passed a bend. I have no idea when the thing disappeared or when time resumed, felt like I blacked out for a moment but I know that's not what it was.
I sat there in my seat blinking and breathing deeply to recover. And then I looked down. The phone was still on the floor near my feet. I left it there but I kept staring at it, like when you notice broken glass on the ground and focus on it so you can avoid stepping in it. At the next station i got off the train and went to an always open fast food place. I got a coffee and started writing this. It would be two hours until a train back towards my apartment, one that takes the old long route around the tunnel.
I didn't sleep that day. How could I after watching someone get shredded and devoured? So I sat at my PC and wandered through my games library all day. Think I fell asleep a couple times for maybe an hour. Next night I went to work like normal, focused on my usual behavior. But after two hours I was called into my supervisor's office.
It was relatively normal, they check in with night shift people every few months to make sure we're doing okay. See if we want to change to day shift for mental health. Was all normal until he put his clipboard down and off to the side. He took a deep breath and looked at me, like really looked. That deep penetrating look when someone can see through your lies.
“You saw it.” He said. Three simple words that felt like he was telling me I had a fatal incurable illness. I just nodded. “You have two choices now. Like all of us that know. Either you leave and find a new job and never speak of the incident because you will be a suspect in the disappearance; or you keep doing your job as you always have but with a raise to ignore the camera glitches.” I sat for a while assuming I had to make a choice then and there.
That conversation has been burned into my brain. I still remember it verbatim. And I wish I could say I made the morally correct choice. But I'm an underachieving coward always looking to take the easy path. So I still watch the cameras through the night, but with some extra money to ignore the occasional camera glitch on the extension. I found out accidentally that Larry and Sue also knew about the incidents and made the same choice I did. And we all knew the same amount of nothing and we prefer it that way.
So that's why I'm putting this out there. Maybe someday someone better than me can figure this out.
I still can't eat pork.

every time ive tried to get help its gone wrong. im so tired of talking to suicide hotline operators or the psych unit at the emergency room because it never actually HELPS. i cant even begin describing everything thats happened to me in the last few years and how much they had a toll on me. i was homeless for almost half of last year. im still struggling to pick up the pieces of my life. i feel like i cant go anywhere without freaking out and making a fool of myself. i feel like such a mentally ill freak. i feel like i dont deserve to be in society and i would be better off dead. everything hurts. so much. i dont know how im going to keep on living.

So background: his adult sister moved in with their dad because the bum that my husband and their dad warned her against is abusive, manipulative, and neglectful. (I was in a toxic relationship too so I do get it, I’m not putting all the blame on her) she had a kid from another man, and these two toddler with said bum. Anyways, she’s a pig. Not even the dad wants to stay in the house anymore, he sleeps outside in his car because it’s so disgusting in the house. She does nothing to help her situation, and the dad is the one who has to work to feed everyone. She didn’t want to have her baby dad served papers or anything (whatever it’s called in Mexico) for support for her and the kids. Their dad is 70+ years old, and only works about 3 days a week and has to get other odd jobs to get some sort of money. My husbands sister doesn’t cook, or clean the house. It’s rare. The other day my husbands dad called him and told him that he hasn’t ate since the day before and all day that day, that she didn’t make food and he doesn’t even know if the kids ate at all since there wasn’t signs of a meal being prepared. I get depression, I really do but to let your old father and kids go without eating?? Anyways, every time we go over we always take food and groceries. I don’t mind since I know it’s such a help and relief for them. What I DO MIND is that once I get there, I have to do ALL the house chores. Cleaning up after 8 people by myself. I just had my second baby 2 months ago, and have a 3 year old toddler. I have to put the groceries away, wash the dishes, and cook for everybody because she just doesn’t do anything just smoke. Then she holds my baby while smelling of cigarettes. While I get all the chores done. Not to mention. They have no bathroom, toilet, sink. I have to carry water in a bucket to take a bath, in a metal tin. I have to carry water in a basin basically to wash the dishes. All while taking care of my babies and everyone else. I’m also breastfeeding so it’s too much stress for me. Also, I get not having a toilet and having to go out in the desert to go to the bathroom, (I also grew up without water or electricity) but they do it next to the house. The house is in the corner of the street, so everyone sees tp. Everywhere you go there’s dirty tp. They aren’t mindful of cleaning up after themselves, they let the dogs do it (who are also starving and neglected). When my husbands dad used to live by himself, the house and the yard was always clean and tidy. Now it’s just a nightmare. Last month we stayed a week and I almost went insane. I had no time to go visit my own family in this town because I was stuck in the house everyday doing all the chores or else we wouldn’t have a way to eat. Because I’m breastfeeding I’m constantly hungry and just adding to the list of things you have to do in a normal/tour own household, plus all that was so hard on me. I’m not lazy, if I stay with someone I wouldn’t want to feel like a burden and of course I’d do chores for them, but at this level was insane. Now my husband wants to go back, but I told him if he doesn’t find us another place to stay I won’t go. My husband doesn’t drive or have a license, so if I don’t go he won’t go. I feel like a jerk for basically giving him an ultimatum, but I feel like it isn’t fair to me. This is HIS family, he should deal with it, then he didn’t even help me at all that whole week we stayed. With all the other things I do for him, (he’s basically a big baby) he can’t read, write, drive, pay (use credit and debit cards) I feel like it really isn’t fair. The trip is about a 7 hour drive, and the majority of that I drive until we cross into Mexico then he takes over(but there are still some areas I have to drive since the cars are in my name and I have a license) it’s a tough drive plus with my 2 month old I have to nurse, then to have to deal with that nightmare of his family’s living situation, it’s just so hard on me and all for him to have a good time with his family at my expense. I feel like it just isn’t worth it for me, I win absolutely nothing with these trips. I don’t even have a good time and have time to visit my own family. But I still do feel like I’m being a jerk. Anyways, AITAH?
Edit to add: this weekend we are going, there’s going to be a party in this town. My husbands niece is going with her husband and their 1yo, and also my husbands older sister is going. They’re going to stay with my husbands dad in said house. The house that only has 3 beds, with 2 being used by husbands other sister and her kids. So there really won’t be a comfortable way to stay. Also with the way wveryone has to bathe, you have to bring water in a bucket and bathe in the tin, in the bedroom with the beds. So basically you have to kick everyone out while you bath and get dressed and ready. So with 8+ people having to bathe daily, it could take forever.

Hey, so I was an avid Destiny player over quarantine... I started right when quarantine hit, like literally March 2020, and played very consistently for pretty much all of Beyond Light, stopping only a few months before Witch Queen's release, like December 2021. I had pretty meta builds for all three classes, with the Stasis upgrades maxed out, and mostly top tier non-raid exotics and gear on all the characters (e.g. Godroll Gnawing Hunger, etc.).
Now that a new expansion is coming out PLUS Lightfall was given away for free on PS Plus, I'm planning on coming back into this awesome game. How much grinding will I have to do to return to a meta build? How much powercreep has happened? Is my old gear worthless? What are some major tips you guys could provide? Thank you!!

was just looking at my workout mat and thinking about it. how someone can overcome momentary discomfort and push through, understand that there's the long term goal of fitness, and persevere.
then i think of all my failed attempts. it's not as though i don't understand how discipline works. it's just my brain. it doesn't work anymore. it doesn't seem to get it.
aside from that, the social skills. the organization skills. i used to be so disciplined. i made and maintained friendships wherever i went. where did that go? it's probably that i'd spent so much time and effort surviving, i've fully burned out now. i can't consistently access those skills.
my therapist got rid of me for some stupid reasons. and i tell my mom what happened. she says you have to reassure the other party you're considering what they're saying. i said i didn't know that. she said i did, because i do it with her. i simply stopped 'doing what i have to do' in the past few years for some reason.
this upsets me a lot. to realize skills i've poured my life into in order to survive simply... won't be consistent. i may forget them. i certainly don't have the energy to engage in them now. often, all i can get out when working with a therapist is, "that doesn't work". i am spending too much energy thinking if what i'm saying is "normal" or not. if i stop doing that for even a second and get comfortable, he makes a face. i have the knowledge to frame things in a more constructive way. but i just. can't.
forever at square zero.

I M(26) and my girlfriend F(28) have been dating for a couple months and she has a 7 year old boy who will turn 8 this year. I have no kids and have never been with a girl with a kid. She does not discipline him at all and he does not listen. She just slightly raises her voice at him and tells him to stop all annoyed like as if he’s her little brother and let’s everything slide.
We went on a walk today and he usually will be in front of her with his scooter. But he was throwing a fit for no reason slamming his scooter on the sidewalk not wanting to listen when she would say stop/come. We would continue to walk and he would stand there being bad not following us. Then when he finally got in front he would go really far to the point we couldn’t see him and I would get worried and speed walk to catch up to him. He would cross the street by himself. She would just raise her voice and say stop but man when I tell you this would boil my blood. I insisted she should discipline him more and what she should try to do like maybe take his iPad away. She says she just calls him ungrateful and that she’ll stop being his mommy as tactics to discipline him but I see that as extremely dumb and ineffective. When we finally caught up to him she didn’t say anything to him and kept it moving.
Worst part is he still talks as if he’s a toddler and gets babied so much by his mom and his grandma that he feels as if he can get away with anything. Hearing and seeing an almost 8 year old act like this really pisses me off cause I would’ve got whooped for stuff like that.
My first time meeting him he was glued to his iPad the entire time at the restaurant and would not say anything back to me because of the iPad. We then came to my apartment and he started running around everywhere throwing a temper tantrum and hiding under my bed frame like kid seriously this is how you act at strangers houses for the first time?
He throws fits all the time and is very emotional and his mom just says I’ll put him in therapy one day. I know he likes me cause I show interest in his hobbies/life and he says I’m really nice. But he just acts like a little toddler.
She also has a rescue dog who is traumatized and barks at everyone including me and runs away/barks every time I’m over, which is kind of annoying as well but I feel bad she’s a rescue and I love dogs personally but she doesn’t like me/anyone.
Also my gf’s mom is very strict and takes advantage that she doesn’t pay rent so she doesn’t let her see me as much cause she insists my gf has responsibilities and can’t always watch after her dog/son
Im very good with kids and I pretty much raised my little brother who is 15 years younger than me. When my parents wouldn’t discipline him, I would and taught him a lot. I would be patient but also very firm with him and stop doing nice things for him if he would act up. But the thing is I can’t do jack shit with her kid cause I have no place to say or do anything. Also the kids dad isn’t in his life neither is his grandpa and you can tell he was raised by girls cause he even talks with a little sass like his mommy (which If it were my kid I would talk more manly with and be a good male role model) I get it you can’t control gayness but as a normal heterosexual male you would want your male kid to be straight/talk more boyish as well no judgement zone though!
I dont know what to do and if I should continue this relationship. I really like her and he’s not ALWAYS around but he will be more and more especially when we move in together down the line plus her dog.

I guess I’m just here venting my feelings because life has been pretty hard lately and I don’t really have anywhere else to go with these thoughts at the moment. Feel free to stay if you can relate to my struggles, or don’t, the choice is yours. 99.9% of the time, it feels like I’m always wishing I could’ve been born into someone else, because I can’t stand how difficult my life has been made to be, and it just feels like too much of a burden to take on. I’m not sure if many other people here can relate to this feeling, but it feels as if I was born to just have a really insufferable and miserable life.
I was born gay, black (technically mixed but by a quarter), and not very good looking if I’m being honest. I grew up in the western US, and ever since I was about twelve, I was bullied for everything someone could be bullied for. The way that I looked, the way i spoke, being black, not being black enough, being occasionally (presumed) gay, etc. I just quite simply never fit anywhere and I was constantly reminded that I’m never good enough. I hated what I saw in the mirror so much to the point where I’d avoid every mirror possible and I would begin to feel resentment towards my family for birthing me into being at the absolute bottom of the social ladder. I know it’s not their fault that the world is the way it is and I do truly love them, but I just couldn’t stand the fact that my life was made incredibly difficult because I was born to them and not a more privileged family that could’ve provided me an easier life. Instead, I was given the burden of being born different in a society that just doesn’t like me for multiple reasons, and it’s now my job to completely change myself so that I can have a chance at a better life.
I spent a lot of time alone as a kid since I always felt insecure about myself, and I would work tirelessly to be more attractive, charming, and endearing so that others would treat me with kindness and respect. Instead of going outside and playing with others in the summer, I spent my summers doing what people now call “looksmaxxing”. I would stay out of the sun because I’d get picked on if I was “too dark”, spend everyday working out, grow my curly hair out to take attention away from my nose which I hated, practicing to hide my “gay voice”, and finding the coolest clothes to wear so people would be impressed with me by the next school year. I would never hang out with my school friends and never go out and just be a kid having fun like others did. I hated myself too much to do anything else because it felt like everyone else hated me or looked down on me for just existing. I just wanted to be someone that could have more in life, but it felt like I’d have to run myself into the ground trying to change enough to actually have a shot.
The sad thing is that this actually would work. With each year that went by in school I became closer to my goals. I was now about as light as Zendaya and more handsome. I hung out with the popular crowd beginning in freshman year of hs and started to feel better about myself because I started to gain recognition. All of this however took a turn when, long story short, I fell in love with my best friend since middle school and he turned on me in sophomore year due to him being closeted. He shut me out, and my other friends didn’t talk to me anymore because he was basically the leader of the popular kids. I switched schools in junior year and fell into a really deep depression that honestly I never fully healed from. I’m 22 now, and I’m honestly pretty messed up because I’ve had such a horrible childhood. I guess you could say I glew up dramatically in the years after hs, but only because I was bullied into basically becoming a different person, and I still feel the need to constantly change things about myself and obsess over my appearance. I don’t know how to get over the things I’ve been through and my life is still shitty today because of trauma and unfavorable circumstances I find myself in.
I see other people who are my same age or (even worse) younger, and I get extremely angry because they have lives that seem so much better than my own; Friendships, relationships, happiness that they didn’t have to slave away for. I envy the ease that life has provided them and the freedom they must feel, while I always feel caged and confined to a life of hardship because I’m me… and they’re them. I want my life to be different, but it feels like the life they have was never meant for someone like me, and I have to spend years of my life trying to be where they were born. It’s so frustrating, and it all just feels like too much to bare. I don’t really know what the point of me writing all of this was, maybe just me letting off steam or reaching out into the void, but If you’re still reading this thanks for sticking around till the end lol. If anyone has any words of encouragement, I could definitely use it right about now because I’m really struggling 😂

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

This is the greatest joy of retention yet also the biggest struggle to overcome
Okay so anyone who has done self improvement knows how difficult it can be I separate into 2 categories
Internal vs external work
SR highlights both
Typically if your fapping and losing sexual energy you can do external work and scape by without doing any internal work simply because your not holding onto energy To hold onto your life force takes lots of discipline when it comes to regulating your internal state instead of draining it
So this is the catalyst you will know your issues what needs to be fixed internally and externally this can be great but life doesn’t always work in a fluid manner to where you can instantly make the necessary changes Yes SR speeds the process up but it can also create massive suffering simply because you may not be able to make that change as quickly as you’d like
For example if you experienced a lot of pain at once you naturally are going to want to cope in some way and that can be a feasible strategy to stifle your energy so you don’t have to do the internal/shadow work at this time For anyone who has every gone emotionally numb you understand what I’m describing here The trauma or pain can be so dramatic and life can be so bad that numbing yourself in minor ways to avoid that shadow work could be a potential strategy so you don’t have to face it all at once
Vs if you retain you will feel all that pain at once because your energy is so clean your holding onto your life force You will suffer greatly because your not numbing your experience I believe this is the better strategy but it is much harder journey
And in my opinion that is the bitch of retention but also its greatest blessing because if you don’t numb yourself you will feel the blunt force of life but it will pass through your spirit much quicker
But a potential strategy is to numb yourself a bit if the trauma and pain is very dramatic I’m not saying fap
But I notice on hard days I might fast for less hours in that day and eat more which makes me tired and makes my energy less clear which could help to numb out some of life’s pain because it’s really hard rn I’m probably at my lowest in awhile it’s because I’m making good changes but life is still very hard
I’m lean and typically do omad always sub 12% body fat I’ve been retaining for years now rn currently at day 57
I’m saying play your edge push your limit take as much pain as you can with a clean spirit but if life gets very hard don’t go over your edge just stifle your energy a bit and do the shadow work in a couple days or a week or 2
If after work you eat a bit more then you typically would to stifle the energy a bit that’s okay but only if you are at your edge Stifling energy a bit by distractions or eating a bit Less clean is better then relapsing
I’ve noticed if I’m forced to be around low vibrational people I might eat before I interact with them because if I’m in a pure fasted state they will feel that I feel all of their energy and that they cannot hide because my aura is way to pure
So some strategies for playing the edge dealing with toxic people and waiting because you cannot make all the changes you need to make because of other life factors
I’m not saying self sabotage or fap When I stifle my energy it’s by eating another meal then I typically would and the food is still relatively healthy Or watch a movie after work because your waiting for a certain situation to pass
I still workout fast do cold showers and mediate
That’s a problem I’ve noticed with retention is that your just so damn engaged you know all your problems and how to fix them but strategy and timing is important And if you just have absolutely pure energy everyday all the time you could get pissed off at other people or life situations which is good to have that drive but if taken to far could backfire on you as it has on me in the past so I’m not saying lower yourself be who you are and stand in your power just be aware that this is a valuable potential strategy
The ideal situations is you have pure energy all the time life starts to align because synchronicities will happen new levels have new devils you suffer you make the changes without stifling energy you stand up for yourself everytime and continue to level up
But I feel that is somewhat hard to embody in practice I’m one guy with one perspective so if you can go a year without issues more power to you but for me personally playing my edge is the thing to do and works the best for me long term because if I get arrogant and on my high horse I start to have issues becoming super judgemental of others because you see demons when you have a clean spirit and that can cause self righteousness which itself is a trap so lowkey backing off have a super super pure aura when interacting with toxic people who are in your way then when the time is right to make the change jump at the opportunity to move onto better things
Again I’ve been practicing this since 16 I turn 20 this weekend
And I know this post seems a big negative and I know it somewhat is but it’s just a warning / potential strategy because like I said if you go on 3+ months streaks out here consistently with a clean aura I promise you will get attacked and repel People just remember though that repelling is good because it’s taking you where you need to go to match your high vibration but that’s scary because it could mean complete restructuring your life like me basically losing all your family
If your just doing it for the female attraction or some surface level reason and keep your streaks under a month you should be fine but if you get into longer streaks your going to start to trigger people with your clean energy especially if your intention is to grow and become a better person legit your light will irritate their demons
I believe retention on longer streaks makes you more in tune with energies and life which helps build faith and gets rid of fear a more spiritual component on longer streaks and then synchronicities happen which only Proves this to a further extent which makes life feel more trippy good luck as well
though other people have already gone over this stuff so I won’t get into it I just thought this playing your edge strategy on retention would be valuable asset and idea as I’m yet to see anyone bring it up so far particularly with the arrogance self righteousness etc it’s easy to hate but gotta remember some ppl are sleep and everyone is on a personal journey try to respect others even the demons who are trying to pull you down like crabs in a bucket in the end we are all the good guys in our own story and we all know in our head our good intentions wether others realize it or not same with the demons bro they have a life story alright peace out yall play your edge stay engaged take as much suffering for growth as you can stomach and don’t demonize the demons because that will just make them angry and make things worse eye for an eye makes the whole world blind have boundaries love from a distance

I currently teach adults one on one in Seoul and thankfully all of my students have been angels and I enjoy the class time I spend with them. I haven't been teaching for long, but so far everything has been fine except for my boss (wonjangnim).
The hagwon has two managers who work the front and I got close to one recently and up until then I didn't really have any thoughts or opinions about the wonjangnim, but I feel like the manager just opened Pandora's Box and now I don't like coming to work. So basically, he doesn't care about the teachers' wellbeing at all. Some teacher recently got surgery and she was out teaching a week after with barely any recovery because the wonjangnim told her she needed to be at work. We're all freelancers and only work during our schedules days and times, but the woman just have surgery! She apparently had to stand throughout class because she can't sit for long after her surgery! (Note: she's been teaching at this hagwon for 6 years) The wonjangnim hasn't done anything to me personally, but there was one day I had a manager class scheduled which is basically just me and the manager talking so she can get a gist of the kind of teacher I am so she can suggest me to new students. Its not a mandatory class, which I didn't know, but basically I thought I had to go in so I tapped into the subway but I get a call from the wonjangnim saying that I don't need to come into work because I only have the manager class. And I told him "I just tapped into subway" but he completely ignored that and repeated "you don't have to come in today." When I first got that call I was a little pissed, but I planned to walk around that day after class anyway so I jumped on the subway and had a solo date.
When I went into work the following week, one of the managers was complaining about the wonjangnim taking money out of her paycheck because of a small mistake she made (she's part-time so it's not like she's making a lot of money) and she was telling me about everything that goes on behind the scenes and told me that the day I got the call to not come in, the wonjangnim knew that I only had a manager class the day before, but didn't tell me about it until an hour before the scheduled class because I live close. The manager told the wonjangnim that he should let the teachers know beforehand because some teachers live pretty far, but he just ignored her requests and did whatever he wanted to do. That was when I thought to myself "wow that's really toxic," and the more the manager tells me about him the more I hate coming to work because I don't feel welcome as a teacher.
The wonjangnim isn't super welcoming or talkative and he's a kkondae. He doesn't say hello or bye to anyone and I always greet him and bow, but he just looks and walks past me. This is just my personal opinion, but he really lacks social skills and you can tell from his body language and his tone when he talks. I have a two hour gap between my class today and tomorrow and the manager told me this morning that she doesn't understand why the wonjangnim doesn't schedule the students efficiently, giving the teachers long gaps in between. And she brought it up to the wonjangnim but he just shrugged his shoulders and, again, ignored her. He's not considerate of anyone here, even the managers yet he's so desperate for new teachers. There's always a job listing for the teaching position here because a lot of people quit after a month or two. Because we are free-lancers we're not tied to this hagwon, but we are signed for 6 months. I'm pretty sure people have quit before the six month period, but I'm just trying to wait it out until my sixth month here. It's my third week so I feel like I shouldn't focus too much on the wonjangnim because he hasn't brought any mental stress to me, but hearing the manager talk about him and what she doesn't like gets to my head a lot.
I like meeting new people and talking which is why I took this job, but I can't see myself being here for a long time because of the wonjangnim. I should just wait it out until the six month period, right? I'm really bad at holding down a job because I couldn't stand the people I've worked with, but because I work alone in this job and the wonjangnim is just there and doesn't interfere with my class I should just keep going at it...I hust wanted to let this out to a community of people who may have experienced something similar.
I've read so many nightmares about teaching English in Korea and how the wonjangnim's are all shit, but mine can't be the worst...right?
I guess I just need a reassurance right now.

I lost my beloved cat, Edie, a week ago. And it feels like an eternity.
Back in January, I had to leave my grad school and move back in with my parents in my home state following some medical problems where my only treatment options were in my hometown. I took 9 year old Edie with me and did everything I knew to do to make the adjustment easier on her.
Right away, she started having problems with vomiting and urinating/defecating around the house. In February, I took her to the local vet, who ran bloodwork and a fecal test. They said she was probably just anxious but prescribed some antibiotics and an antidiarrheal in case she had an infection of some sort. Edie got somewhat better but continued having issues urinating/defecating outside the litter box. We changed her litter to a fragrance free formula and her food to a sensitive stomach formula in hopes it would help, but nothing changed.
All the while, my own health has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Edie stopped sleeping upstairs with me. Then she stopped coming upstairs at all. I avoided being downstairs at all costs. Edie ate and ate but continued to lose weight. My mom said she was worried about Edie, but I assured her the vet said she was fine.
Last Monday, Edie climbed upstairs and snuggled with me for a long time. That night, she collapsed while walking, and we rushed her to emergency vet. Over the course of five months, Edie had dropped from 7 lbs to 2.98 lbs, and her bloodwork showed she was in septic shock. I made the decision to put Edie to sleep, and she died in my arms, away from her home. The vet said Edie probably had cancer even before I adopted her.
I feel like a terrible pet parent. I LOVED that cat. She got me through two family deaths and nearly attempting suicide twice. She slept on my bed; she had everything I knew to give her. I only had her for 18 months, but I loved her like I've never loved anything or anyone before. I feel so hurt and angry. How could I have let my baby go through that? Why didn't I take her to the vet sooner? I was so focused on my own health that I didn't notice Edie getting sicker.
I miss my baby so much. I'd give anything to have her back. My mom made me get a new cat two days ago. He's sweet, but all I feel is a hole in my heart. I want to love him, but all I feel is that it should be Edie with me instead of this new cat.
This week has been hell. My doctor prescribed sedatives just to get me through the nights without her. Every little thing reminds me of my baby, and my mom is actively getting rid of or putting away Edie's things. I wish I could make people understand how goddamn painful it is. How much I'm hurting. I keep breaking down crying over little things. Today it was finding out the color I picked for Edie's urn is the same color as my favorite music box.
I don't want to keep feeling this way. Everything feels so big and everything is moving too fast. This has been the longest week of my life, and I just want Edie here. Words can't describe how much I loved ny baby and how much I miss her. I can't imagine going back to grad school without her. And her scent is already fading from her blanket.

In March, my fiancés ex randomly called us and told us that she would be moving with their child, as well as her boyfriend and soon to be born child, to South Carolina and that his visitation would change to every other month for 1.5 weeks. Obviously, we were very shocked, angry and just confused. (Side note: she posted about her boyfriend cheating again and having to figure things out as a single mom in January so that’s why we were so confused). I’ve been with my fiancé since his daughter was 7 months old and throughout that time the custody schedule has shifted to what’s best for her age, but we have always seen her consistently throughout the week every week. My fiancé has also consistently paid an agreed upon amount of $400 monthly. I know that may seem small but neither us nor her are making more than 3k a month. With that said, none of this has been through the courts so there was technically nothing stopping her from moving. I should note he has established paternity by signing a VDOP at SD birth since him and BM were never married. The actual time share has gone between 20-35ish % throughout the last 3 years (SD is 3 currently), and currently she has reduced him back down to 20% (since we served her court papers she won’t let us have any more time). The reason being was because she became a stay at home mom so she felt the time where SD was only with me was no longer necessary (which I get). This shift for her happened around the time my fiance started a new job and was working a lot so we didn’t fight it cause any extra time we would get, SD would just be with me since my fiance was working so much. Eventually, he was able to put himself into a position to be able to have his daughter more cause he no longer had to work the same hours he was when he first started. We were planning on approaching her to change the schedule to increase our time with SD since work schedule was better and we felt she was old enough that spending longer periods at each house was best for her, however that’s when BM told us her plan to move. After she told us her plan to move, we tried to have a few conversations to try to get things figured out without court, but everything just came down to money when it came to BM. She claims that they’re moving because they can’t afford to raise 2 kids in CA ( living off of only her boyfriend’s income cause she plans to be a SAHM). Our response was we want more time with her any way and if it’s too expensive for you to have 2, then us having her more time will help alleviate that. Her response was if you want more time then you need to pay me more. We also feel frustrated cause it feels like how she treats him as a father is completely dependent on her relationship status. When this boyfriend cheated on her last year she was in full support and thought it was best for SD to have pretty much equal time between homes and get to grow up with both of her parents and for them to coparent, however when her and boyfriend are good and she gets pregnant it changes to he’s a terrible father and doesn’t do anything so she has more authority. It’s been kinda rough that SD was so young when they split cause it felt inevitable that she would need to be with mom more since she was breastfeeding, sleep training etc. After these recent conversations, we felt like there was no other option than to take it to court not only in order to try and prevent her from moving, but regardless to get more time since she will not respond to making a new schedule with more equal time share. We’ve all always avoided it because we know it’s ugly and just felt like we could all figure it out, but at this point that feels impossible.
I guess my question is, what are the odds of us getting more custody and what are the odds of her being able to move away? At the end of the day our focus isn’t on child support, however with her not working and solely relying on her bfs income, how would that affect it? I know that it really looks bad that on paper he has her 20%, however he is a very present and loving father and it really hurts my heart to think that my SD could end up having to grow up with her parents living across the country from one another, and inevitably having daddy issues. Seeing her relationship with her dad, I know the hurt and confusion it would cause her to go from seeing him every couple days to every 2 months.
Please no judgement. I’m posting this cause I could use some positive words and some insight. Thank you!

I’ve never been a big friend person. I’ve had a couple close friends in my life, but not since becoming “an adult”.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for going on 6 months and he’s been encouraging me to make friends (even though he doesn’t have any either lol). So I joined a few FB groups and I’ve gotten several replies and friend requests. So I check out their profile and we message back and forth and talk about setting up a time to get together. Some don’t seem to be “my type” and the others seem to be my exact type and one might ghost me but I might ghost another (only after a couple messages).
I haven’t actually met up with anybody yet, but I’m getting all the same feelings you’d typically get if you were dating, aside from attraction I guess. “Will they turn out to be kind of nuts, will we have a connection, can I trust them, will they use me, how much do we have in common,? Etc.”
Most people probably don’t have to make friends this way, but all of my existing friends are 600+ miles away and I think everybody can agree that making friends as an adult isn’t easy.

Hello! Ok, I F30 have never dated before. I was in 2 long term abusive relationships (I KNOW). First was from sophomore year of high school that lasted 7 years. The second was immediately after for 6 years. I have been single since August 2023 and didn't want to start dating or dating apps until Jan 2024. Fast forward I finally downloaded Bumble and had an instant connection with him M30.
Since we matched we went really fast. Ask for my number the following day, went on our first date that Saturday and second date in my apartments the next day and were pretty inseparable since. Now, it's been 3 months and he's done SO many 'boyfriend' things.. but he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend. Do people now even use those titles? Is that something 30 year olds do? I have no idea. I have really quickly and easily fallen for him and I want to know where he is, but I don't want to scare him away. I just really don't know what to say or how to even start that conversation if it's one to be had. We made it clear to each other pretty much immediately that we are exclusive, but I don't know if that's enough for me?
Also... I do feel scared/ insecure because he is so established in life and has an amazing career making well over 6 figures where I live paycheck to paycheck and barely scrape by. I'm in school and have ambitions to be more, but I worry I might not be enough. We also come from completely different walks of life. He has it easy and comes from money, he has a past with drugs and alcohol abuse and again is currently well off and doesn't seem to have any real concerns. I on the other hand come from a harder upbringing, my mom was only 14 when she got pregnant with me, my dad was involved in gangs and didn't care to provide while my mom did everything she could to make enough money and continue her education (not important to the post but I am SO proud of her and all she's accomplished), I never did any drugs and didn't start drinking until I was 26, and again I live paycheck to paycheck. I have a good job and I am proud of what I do, I am in school with ambitions to change careers BUT I worry that he will want someone he has more in common with and maybe that's why we haven't had any other conversations on what we are?
I'm just in all honesty insecure he will realize he can do better - and he absolutely can - and just clueless on the dating world.

Photo of my hair for reference- most likely air-dried and potentially 4-36 hours after my last wash.

I desperately need a new shampoo and conditioner to use regularly.

My hair is mostly straight, very very thick, always longer than shoulder length. I’ve been using Pantene Pro-V Smooth & Sleek Shampoo & Conditioner on-and-off for like 20 years. I love how the conditioner makes my hair feel (and I know it’s because of the silicone lol 🙃) and how it makes my hair look after it air dries. The biggest problem is that I shed ungodly amounts of hair because of how harsh the shampoo is. My hair doesn’t look like it’s thinning but my poor drains and vacuum cannot take it (a friend once joked that I could never be “the other woman”- I cannot stress enough how much hair I’m losing and how it gets everywhere).
I have tried Nexxus Therappe Shampoo & Conditioner for about 2 months at the suggestion of a friend and while I generally like the smell and it does an OK job, it takes me a stupid amount of time to rinse it out of my hair. I showered tonight and am about to hop back in for the third time to rinse it out further. For whatever reason, it’s not working for me.
Some details about my hair care routine/environment: * shampoo & condition every 2-3 days * no issues with dryness or oiliness * air dry 95% of the time * flat iron 1-2 times a week * live in a hot-summer humid continental (Köppen: Dfa) climate (hot, humid summers and cold, dry winters)
I generally buy shampoo and conditioner from pharmacies/grocery stores, but am willing to pay more (up to $2/oz) if I can order it online.
Happy to answer other questions if it would help inform your recommendations! TIA! 🙌🏻