Warning this is also a bit of a mini-rant.
Hello, i’m eighteen, female, and have been experiencing fibromyalgia symptoms for nine years. Im set to see a rheumatologist soon to get checked out fully, but in the meantime came here to get any advice I can to deal with it. Honestly, its exhausting. Im constantly tired physically and mentally tired, in pain, etc.
I experience pain almost everywhere, to the tip of my toes to the top of my head. I’ve noticed its worse spots are my neck, shoulders, hands and back. Other places still hurt, but these are the worst, especially in flare-ups. I honestly don’t know what to do. The past years have just been constant fighting with doctors, and when I finally do get referred to a rheumatologist, its very expensive. So, any advice? Wether it be stuff to buy to help, natural remedies etc. I’ll try anything to make it more bearable.
Thank you!

The pile-on isn’t only coming from the media but from employees and ex-employees as well.
The Massive Influx of Whistleblowers and a Possibility as to Why
Before April 19th, 2024, there were a total of 32 Boeing whistleblowers over the past three years. Since April 19th, at least 10 more have come forward. That’s a 33% increase in less than a month.
An article by debevoise.com announced that on March 7th, 2024 the DOJ announced new financial incentives for whistleblowers meeting certain stipulations, opening the door for those who would seek to gain a profit by filing whistleblower complaints. It should be noted, however, that complainants can only receive compensation for accurate information, which may be why the majority of complaints filed were closed due to lack of employee response according to the Aljazeera article linked below.
“Lisa Fahl, the vice president of engineering for Boeing airplane programs, said employee reports have ‘exploded’ — with as many reports in January and February as were filed in all of 2023 — ‘which is what we want.’”
Retaliation and Murder Allegations
Moving on to the Boeing hitman conspiracy theory, if we take the minimum number of 10 new whistleblowers, 1 in 21 whistleblowers have died since 2020, a span of 4 years. One from suicide, the second from a MRSA infection stemming from pneumonia. The likelihood that Boeing caused either of these deaths is extremely low at best, but it baffles me that people would believe that Boeing is responsible for the second death. I’ve personally had a bout of bacterial pneumonia so severe I would have died if I had not been intubated within 36 hours of the first sign of symptoms. It happens. As for suicide, it happens. Both of these deaths are incredibly sad and painful for their loved ones, but to say that Boeing is behind the deaths is a long-shot - by far. It’s also worth noting that I knew John, the first gentleman who died, through an immediate family member of his. To avoid hurting the family, I won’t elaborate too much but will say that John was very capable of suicide and had several reasons to do so.
An article from the conversation.com about the retaliation Boeing whistleblowers face misleadingly says that up to 82% face retaliation or termination; however, the article fails to clearly distinguish that this statistic is from 2023 and covers all whistleblowers across all industries.
I was unable to locate conclusive data on the percentage of Boeing whistleblowers who incurred retaliation and/or termination.
Conclusion
Boeing is not blameless. They have made grave mistakes and are currently paying the price for those. My purpose for this post is to highlight the misleading and inflammatory information purported by the media and by some employees, be they an ex- or current employee.
Thank you for reading and Safe travels!!
https://nypost.com/2024/05/04/us-news/boeing-faces-10-more-whistleblowers-after-two-die/amp/
https://www.aljazeera.com/amp/economy/2024/4/19/boeing-subject-of-32-whistleblower-complaints-documents-reveal
https://time.com/6968220/boeing-whistleblowers-allegations/
https://www.sec.gov/news/press-release/2023-89
https://www.debevoise.com/insights/publications/2024/04/preparing-for-ai-whistleblowers

I'm only 30M, but I started dealing with debilitating health problems 5 years ago. I'm looking for a PCP in New York will actually coordinate my care, as I've been coordinating my own care with the help of an occupational medicine doctor who is a specialist who sort of functions as my PCP but is not a internist and does not have lots of relationships/other doctors he can recommend.
My health problems, in a brief summation are as follows: I developed an upper extremity overuse disorder from repetitive motion, computer and phone use plus poor posture that has ulnar and median neuropathy involvement, unclear whether it's neurogenic thoracic outlet or cubital tunnel as my EMGs are normal but my ultrasounds show thickening & subluxation. I have had normal cervical MRIs. However I've been diagnosed with Anklyosing Spondilitis (HBLA27 positive + chronic sacroiliac inflammation MRI), small fiber neuropathy (positive punch skin biopsy), ligamentous laxity/hEDS. I also now dealing with a calf strain that has not healed in 8 months despite PT, which is unusual.
I feel fatigued and in a low level of pain almost all the time, and my pain get significantly worse with activity (arm use) and stress. When I say stress, I don't even mean necessarily like a stressful event – like the stress of having to sit through a long zoom which I do not view as an inherently stressful event but puts an undue stress on my body, could flare me up and cause my neck to be more tight (the upper trapezius is one of my worst areas). I also developed TMJ like symptoms and pain in my jaw.
I really need a primary care doctor to help me put the pieces together, as this has greatly affected my life and left me debilitated and disabled, and wrecked my mental health along with my physical. If you know of anyone, or are a PCP in New York who would be willing to help, please let me know. I am not medically trained and have been trying to put the pieces together but I know I can't do it on my own

So I'll start with my experience. I posted this to a few YouTube videos I watched so some of it (not much if any) may be directed at something I watched.
I have PET to the extreme and have had it now for at least 25+ years. I'm 42 and remember being in elementary/middle school when I'd lose all pressure in my left ear to the extent that not only could I hear my own voice, breathing, heart beat, etc. unbearably loud, but also any other slight noise in the room becoming so loud and garbled that I couldn't understand or distinguish the difference between someone talking from the air conditioner fan running. Every noise or voice that is heard when my ear is depressurized sounds like someone removed the lows and mids from the sound, I'd guess from it that anything below 7k hertz is unheard when it happens. If you want to get a rough idea what it sounds like, get a decent set of headphones, adjust your equalizer by turning the volume and your highs/treble/7k Hz or higher all the way up and everything else off or down fully. I've discovered a temporary relief by either breathing in really hard with my nose only which was extremely embarrassing, loud, inconvenient, and disgusting to anyone near me, or, pinching my nose shut with my fingers and sucking in until I got as much pressure as possible back in my ear. It started out manageable, only occurring roughly 9-10 times a day, however, it has gotten exponentially worse to now occurring every time I swallow anything. For me personally I swallow saliva at a rate of 2-4 times a minute so that's 2-4 times every waking minute that my ear depressurizes. Initially, other than the auditory inconveniences and embarrassment of adjusting pressure, I didn't pay much attention to it or think that it was abnormal because everyone experiences ear pressure changes at some point. Within the past 5 or so years I have begun to experience an unexplainable pain in my ear canal about 1 out of 20 times it happens. I also am experiencing an extremely loud whistling noise about half of the time it happens which have started to trigger headaches for me. I've seen 3 different doctors so far but was told that I either have a sinus infection or it is just normal pressure changes and the only reason it bothers me is because my ears are more sensitive than other people. After a bit of thorough research I've learned that the doctors I seen were either not well trained, didn't want to tackle my problems, or just don't think my condition is enough for concern.
I am very sympathetic to anyone with this condition and I totally understand your pain and frustration. I would greatly appreciate any possible recommendations of relief, even if it's only temporary given the frequency of my issues onset. The only relief I've found that works 75%+ for me is to completely seal my ear canal from all air, has to be 100% air sealed, before and during swallowing keeps at least half of the existing pressure in my ear instead of fully opening. I honestly have had thoughts of bashing my head off my wall or desk to try to knock myself out just to have a break from the constant loudness, pain, and embarrassment this causes me! I would never intentionally injure myself of course but these symptoms have gotten so bad that I've had the thoughts of it for sure.

32, female, 5’4 & 160 lbs. Went to the ER on Monday for rib cage pain, fatigue and arm pain. They asked if I had fallen and I said yes, a week and a half ago. I have a large visible bruise on my upper arm. They did an ekg, one chest xray and a ct of my abdomen along with blood work. Was discharged and told to follow up with primary care. I’m realizing now I wish I’d requested they check for DVT. I’m having achy pain near my bruise and still have arm pain. I have an appt with primary but I’m in so much pain and am so worried, I’ve contemplated going back to emergency. What would you do next?

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Hi all! I have a question and I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation. I know this will be different for everyone depending on symptoms but it would be good to get an idea.
I currently work full time (37.5 hours per week) which I am massively struggling with due to absolute exhaustion, I’m also finding that I’m having a lot of flare ups of pain. Unfortunately I can’t afford to cut my hours, but I’ve just discovered the flexible working policy so I’m thinking of changing my work patterns up a bit. Has anyone else done similar and found a pattern that works for them? I’m usually DONE mentally and physically by 1/2pm but have another 2/3 hours to work which I’m struggling with. Also to mention - I am a single parent so I have my children to look after and spend time with from 4-8 until they go to bed.
Reading this back, it seems impossible to change anything up 😅 but if anyone has any tips or experience i’d really appreciate it!

I want to develop a character who has DID derived from PTSD, which in turn arose from a four-day period of suffering different atrocities. The character has no explicit memories of this four-day period, but their subconscious locks it away to avoid the pain of trauma and develops disorders as a defense mechanism. In addition to the mentioned disorders, the character has developed a refusal to eat food due to an apparently irrational line of thought and sensation that if they eat, they would be hypocritical for something, and therefore, more guilty. The character has 5 personalities. So far, I've only been able to conceptualize 3: the assistant, the machine, and the monster.
The monster is the murderous and harmful personality. It's what the character most instinctively tries to avoid manifesting, even if they don't know exactly why. It's the embodiment of their potential evil, and its appearances are always accompanied by tension and suspense. Even if not actually manifested (or is it?), the mere fact of appearing in nightmares and hallucinations already triggers panic attacks in the character. This is the most mysterious personality because the character has doubts about the nature of this personality that doesn't offer many explanations beyond the simple fact that it knows everything about him and is playing and affecting him; Is it a personality or a distinct demon? Is it a delusion or is it real? Is it himself or a separate being pretending to be him to scare him? Is it capable of killing the personalities, and if so, why doesn't it do it immediately instead of leaving the personalities unharmed? Why psychologically torture him if the function of fragmented personalities is to help in self-preservation? If it's real, why does it let him escape at the end of its ''games''? This personality (or not) is physically the largest, the most technological, the most inhuman, and presents more feats of strength despite appearing less, all geared towards psychological torture mainly, a literal kind of haunting like Pennywise's. It wreaks psychological havoc on the character in each of its personalities, and the most sensitive one, which is the one the other personalities most try to avoid being impacted by the monster, is the assistant personality, the personality that personifies human essence and, being based on the Superego and Ego and reflecting the distant past spent with his deceased good mother whose values were transmitted in his childhood and adolescence, is the personality that tries to maintain order, predominate, and reunite the fragmented personalities, although this self-imposed role is not easy and it is difficult to deal with the fear of what could happen if people found out that he and the other four 'people' are actually the same person who has DID; it is difficult to represent order while his other parts are more inclined to chaos and there is no direct interaction between the personalities. The assistant personality has blindness, whose degree varies depending nuancemente on the external and internal security situation it feels, but is always present because it results from an unresolved trauma. Glasses are used, the only one who does this. Blindness is more present in the assistant personality and less manifested in the other personalities because they are more detached from humanity. The assistant personality is the most divergent from what the character was before DID. Its form is more human, shorter, and less cybernetic, precisely because it reflects a distant period from the current one of the character. (A side note: the character is, in a way, a shapeshifter, so its personalities have a distinct form, some more similar to each other and others less similar, and vice versa. The metamorphosis is restricted to the forms the character has already had in its life and afterlife, and those forms it did not have are a more adapted version of the personality concept). The assistant is the most sensitive personality and the one that most tries to be virtuous, and because of these characteristics, it is the most vulnerable to the monster.
The machine personality is the psychological barrier. A wall for any emotions. An internal shield for trauma. It looks like a robot, like a machine, both for sentimental and behavioral issues. It does not feel emotions, is extremely rational, and is very connected to technology. Indeed, it is the most technological personality in the purest sense of the word, while the monster personality is the most technological in the most monstrous sense. Its function is to offer a more impartial view of situations and, because of the monster, to be the most solid shield for the assistant personality not to be haunted directly (and possibly killed) by the monster.
There are 2 more personalities to develop, and I'm working on it since it's a new idea I had.
The character is Vox.
The conceptual ideas for this fanfic that I intend to create, combined with my hobby of self-studying psychology/psychoanalysis/psychiatry, made me realize that I attribute four disorders to Vox:
• DID: According to the DSM-5 criteria, to be considered DID it is necessary: ▪︎Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self. ▪︎Amnesia must occur, defined as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events. ▪︎The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder. ▪︎The disturbance is not part of normal cultural or religious practices. ▪︎The symptoms cannot be due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (such as blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (such as complex partial seizures).
• PTSD: Symptoms of PTSD fall into the following four categories. Specific symptoms can vary in severity.
Intrusion: Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are reliving the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes. Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that may trigger distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it. Alterations in cognition and mood: Inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings leading to ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); distorted thoughts about the cause or consequences of the event leading to wrongly blaming self or other; ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling detached or estranged from others; or being unable to experience positive emotions (a void of happiness or satisfaction). Alterations in arousal and reactivity: Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being overly watchful of one's surroundings in a suspecting way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping. Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptoms similar to those described above in the days following the event. For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, however, symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual's daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms may appear later and often persist for months and sometimes years. PTSD often occurs with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems.
The four tabs below provide brief descriptions of four conditions related to PTSD: acute stress disorder, adjustment disorder, disinhibited social engagement disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. Source: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd • Psychotic Depression: Psychotic depression Some people who have severe depression may also experience hallucinations and delusional thinking, the symptoms of psychosis.
Depression with psychosis is known as psychotic depression.
Symptoms of depression Someone with depression feels sad and hopeless for most of the day, practically every day, and has no interest in anything. Getting through the day feels almost impossible.
Other typical symptoms of depression may include:
fatigue (exhaustion) disturbed sleep changes in appetite feeling worthless and guilty being unable to concentrate or being indecisive thoughts of death or suicide Doctors describe depression as mild, moderate or severe depending on your symptoms, how long it lasts and how much it affects your daily life.
Read more about the psychological, physical and social symptoms of clinical depression
Symptoms of psychosis Having moments of psychosis (when people lose some contact with reality) means experiencing:
delusions – thoughts or beliefs that are unlikely to be true hallucinations – hearing and, in some cases, feeling, smelling, seeing or tasting things that are not there; hearing voices is a common hallucination The delusions and hallucinations almost always reflect the person's deeply depressed mood – for example, they may become convinced they're to blame for something, or that they've committed a crime.
"Psychomotor agitation" is also common. This means not being able to relax or sit still, and constantly fidgeting.
At the other extreme, a person with psychotic depression may have "psychomotor retardation", where both their thoughts and physical movements slow down.
People with psychotic depression have an increased risk of thinking about suicide. Source for more information: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/psychotic-depression/
• An as-yet unidentified eating disorder: This is the only one in which I do not know which exact diagnosis it fits into. It is a consequence of the trauma from the four-day period - including this period being one of the biggest mysteries in history and a great source of theories for readers, as it is the root of Vox's psychological mess, the divergence point that originated the entire fanfic and which the protagonist DOES NOT want to remember - that resulted in the trauma of eating. He does not feel like eating, not even the SIN OF GLUTTONY is able to make him eat - he is immune to her powers - and feels an apparently inexplicable instinct of guilt and hypocrisy when trying to eat, as if he were the worst being in the universe if he ate a food and a huge hypocrite; why and what exactly this innate thought of judging himself as a hypocrite is another mystery in the plot.
In this story, at least in the initial arcs, no one associates all five as being the same person, at most they associate only one/two of them with Vox. With the climaxes (yes, it's in the plural) throughout the story, the characters will find evidence and suspect and associate more and more of the other alters (as I call Vox's fragmented personalities) with the same person, which increases the narrative tension. Being the assistant personality the last to be accurately associated by the other characters, although she was the one that had the most tension and care in NOT being associated throughout the story because she is the human essence of Vox, reflects more the fragility of his soul state and is not ready to deal with the harsh social consequences that the actions of the other alters and Vox before DID caused, needing solid support and not wanting to lose all the friendly social relationships, although fragile, that he built as a separate being from Vox and the other alters. It is easier to hate than to love. The assistant personality does not want to risk losing the little support he has built. These relationships are extremely valuable to him. He doesn't want to have this taken away from him anymore. The relationships he built are based on the inhabitants of Hazbin Hotel.
All alters have Vox's trademark: the TV as
a head. All... except the assistant personality. This alter is the ONLY one that has a human head and is the smallest, being even a few centimeters smaller than Lucifer. The size of his hair goes up to just above his shoulders, but he ties them in a professional hairstyle. His clothes are similar to those of an assistant, and they have a palette of blue, black, and white colors. The color of his hair, influenced by his powers as a Media Demon, is black with dark blue streaks and tips.
His human appearance reflects a period when Vox was human. In my story Vox is a trans man, which means he was born female and went through a transition at some point in his adolescence or adulthood. The appearance of the assistant personality reflects an episode during his 13/14 years. In this episode, he did a special show for his father's assistant at a fancy restaurant. It was her last night in his life as she would unfortunately be sent away without a chance to return, and he was aware of this. He also knew that his father was responsible for her being sent away, although his innocence at the time made him not immediately detect that she would be KILLED by a hired hitman hired by the father and mother. The assistant was a loved one by the teenage Vox. She was a loving mother he never had, and because of the emotional attachment to her, he decided to do a musical show, showing for the first and last time to anyone his talent for piano and violin. He, at the time still not going through the transition, dressed more masculinely, used the best appearance he could, and used a pseudonym to enter the restaurant and make the presentation without being detected by the family. He did not explicitly specify for whom the music was intended, but the assistant, secretly his true biological mother, knew it was for her. That was the last time he would see her, and he made every second of that night count.
Vox's human female name was Elizabeth. I chose this name because it is a beautiful name, it was the name of the former queen of the United Kingdom, and it was the name of one of Jack the Ripper's victims, Elizabeth Stride.
Vox, during his adult life as a man and even post-death, buried his past as a woman. It was not a source of pride, especially for the family abuses suffered and the transphobia of the time. If the Vees, the people closest to him currently, do not have a deep understanding of Vox's human life as a man, imagine their knowledge of the initial part of his life before the transition!
That's why being called "Elizabeth" during the direct and indirect appearances of the monster personality already causes genuine and unmasked panic in him. It is an indication of knowledge of his deepest layers.
The story has a suspenseful atmosphere, with some horror scenes. We follow the alters individually, and as the story progresses, we realize along with the protagonist some strange, wrong things. The alters do not communicate directly with each other and, therefore, the character does not immediately perceive the signs of having multiple personalities. It was as if there were four people in one body and none of them noticed, according to the perspective of the assistant personality, the alter that we slowly follow discovering the huge web of the situation he's in. There's something very wrong with Vox, more specifically his soul. But there's an invisible barrier that prevents the character from investigating further, like an elephant in the middle of the room. Each alter has its own course, all acting as if they were distinct people and not associating with each other. This is bad socially speaking in the long run, because sooner or later the clash of beliefs and values built among the alters will come into conflict and the individual consequences of their actions will negatively impact each other. The monster personality served to add more salt to the wound. It is by far the most harmful, appearing little but causing a huge mess in return. Don't think of it as a kind of Hulk, because Hulk is a destructive monster that his counterpart, Bruce, can try to control and turn into a hero, and everyone is aware of Hulk's nature, which is easy to understand and try to contain; whereas the monster personality is an enigma at the same time as it is a nightmare, there is no discussion with it, it causes psychological terror in Vox's alters, its apparently internal actions affect the external world of the alters, it is unpredictable, it is the literal meaning of hell. The monster personality has already caused physical harm to the alters, although they did not exactly remember, mainly the assistant personality, the most oblivious of all for a reason. I want to relate the monster personality to Roo.

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Chapter 15: For What You’ve Tamed
“We’ve come a long way, Vikri. Let’s finish your story,” Rayner said as he sat down in the same chair, crossing his legs in the same way.; small consistencies that made the task of talking about my past seem a little more routine. “I understand you lost someone important to you that day.”
I shifted slightly where I sat. “Yeah,” I answered coarsely. I grabbed at the poncho hanging over my shoulders. I remembered what it felt like in my dreams. Radiant warmth always seemed to emanate from it. Not necessarily the poncho itself, but Tenga’s memory. I realized that as long as I had those, then he was still here in a way. I’d much rather have him here than his memory though.
Rayner nodded. “I know what that’s like,” he said in a near whisper.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that I lost him. I…I failed,” I rasped. “I could’ve saved him. Maybe if I’d gone back I could’ve gotten the equipment before the fire did. I was too afraid.”
Rayner nodded slowly. “And now you feel responsible.”
I remained silent as I clutched my tail on the couch beside me. Rayner already knew the answer. He pursed his lips. “Yeah…I know exactly how that feels.”
I looked up at him. For the first time, his eyes weren’t on me, but on the adjacent wall as he seemed to ponder something. “You think about all the things you could have done differently. Things that are so obvious in hindsight,” he sighed and adjusted his glasses. “If only it were that clear in the moment.” He looked up at me, clasping his hands together. “So walk me through what happened.”
I could still vividly remember the moment Tenga got shot. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. So quickly in fact, that it even took Tenga a moment to realize there was a hole in his torso. Minutes of continuous tension shattered with a hail of gunfire lasting less than a second. The echoes continued to howl through the mountains long after the bodies met the snow. My friend was fatally wounded, the snow around him dyed bright red with his blood. And I had to leave him.
The entire time I was in the belly of the federation destroyer with danger lurking around every corner, all I wanted to do was to get this done as quickly as possible and get back to him. I was enraged that they’d done this to him and to billions just like him.
“Tenga was all I thought about the entire time,” I croaked. “And I…I was willing to kill everyone onboard to get back to him, even if there was no way I ever could. I… did things I could never have imagined myself doing even just days ago. I tore a chunk out of my leg just to be able to get to the Krakotl pinning me down with a crowbar.” I inhaled deeply, staring down at my reflection in the water, recalling my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the ship's monitor. The grimly colorful bloodstains in my fur from several different species.
Rayner nodded. “It was a desperate situation. Many don’t see themselves doing things like that until they’re put in a situation where it's necessary. A situation where it's do or die. No one can fault you for that, especially not with all that depended on you.”
“I guess I just…It’s just worrying knowing that there’s a part of me capable of that.”
The doctor tapped his pen on his notepad as he seemed to think for a moment. “Do you worry that you may have violent outbursts?”
I scoffed. “Well, the events of a few days ago provided good grounds for worry.”
Rayner nodded. “Aggression is common for PTSD victims. It can be difficult to manage intense emotions when your mind is already dealing with so much.
I shook my head. “That’s not the person I want to be.”
Rayner nodded. “I know Vikri. That’s why it's so crucial for you to talk about this stuff. The less all of this weighs on you, the better you’ll be able to control those emotions when they arise.”
He finished writing on his notepad before taking off his glasses and leaning forward slightly. “So what happened to Tenga?”
The question made my heart sink. My mind went quiet. The second hand of time sounded like the footsteps of a giant marching toward…something. My body seemed to go cold and numb. “He died…” I croaked, staring down at the table. That was the first time I’d admitted that to myself verbally in such a direct way. “And I tried so hard,” I choked, tears now streaming down my face. “I did everything in my power to save him. I even put Querek’s life in danger.”
I felt the heat. I could feel cold water dripping from my paws as the burning ship melted the frost accumulating in my fur. I remembered the terrifying hopelessness that gripped me as I gripped Querek and pushed him into the snow. He tried to sacrifice himself for Tenga. What if I had let him? Would it have even worked? Could Tenga accept that?
I recalled the story to Rayner, battling to keep my composure. “I…I watched him die,” I choked. “And I was furious. Reese had to pull me off of him. I wanted to do…something, anything, but…he told them not to bring him back. I think he…” I winced at the thought of him considering this. “I think he’d rather have died sacrificing himself over…going rabid.”
Silence perforated the room for what felt like several long minutes. Rayner sat with his legs crossed, his hand propped up against his mouth. He seemed to become lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “I know how that guilt feels,” he admitted quietly.
I looked at him, somewhat surprised. “You do?”
Rayner nodded, rubbing his hands together. “My son,” he said plainly, taking a long pause before he continued. “He and Jesse were very close as kids. Practically brothers.” He tapped on his clipboard with his pen. “I was…not so available in those days. I was a very different man than I am now. I was still in school. I was always busy, always stressed. I hadn't even considered becoming a therapist. I was deadset on becoming a neurosurgeon.” He scoffed at himself, his head gently shaking back and forth as his gaze grew distant. His delivery lacked that matter-of-fact candor I was so used to by now. He was much quieter; less animated. His eye contact was sporadic and he never stopped fidgeting with his pen. Everything about him seemed suddenly mired in an emotion that was difficult to read. That was when I saw everything we'd done over the past few days for what it really was. Rayner wasn't invincible. He never claimed to be. He was hurt; I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't a person reaching down into the mud and yanking me out by the nape of the neck. He was man covered in mud himself. He wasn't an untouchable hero. Merely a guide.
He continued as that realization struck me. “I loved him as much as a father could. But I was so busy that…well I wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been. That put a big strain on our relationship.” He removed his glasses and wiped the lenses a few times before he continued. “One night we got into an argument. He’d just gotten his license. He had an old beat-up car I'd bought him for his birthday,” he chuffed. “A teen’s first car is always…eccentric. Thought it was a great deal at the time.” He sighed and nodded slightly before continuing. “He left the house enraged, speeding down the road. After a few miles, he lost control, swerved off the road, and hit a tree head-on. The airbag never deployed. The car crumpled like a soda can.”
I stared at him, speechless as he concluded in a near-whisper. “He was declared dead at the scene.”
The room felt hollow for a few long seconds. I searched for a reply but couldn't fathom the right words to say. Fortunately, Rayner didn't stay silent for long. “Like you, I blamed myself for a long…long time.” He sighed. “And it nearly destroyed me.”
I stared at the floor, fidgeting with my tail. “How did you…overcome that?”
“Well it didn't happen overnight,” he replied, flashing a brief smile. “It takes time but, at some point, you have to carry on living. You have to continue loving.” His eyes creased slightly as he looked down at his own hands. “You have to keep loving,” he repeated in a low whisper.
Loud silence claimed the room again as his words sank in. He was right. It was either accept what happened or live like this forever. Looking at it that pragmatically, the choice seemed easy. Emotions are never so logical though. It wasn’t as if he relieved himself of that burden either, it was obvious he still carried it. It just…didn’t weigh as much now. Not because it got lighter, but because he got stronger. I eased into speaking again. “I…I'm sorry. About your son.”
Rayner nodded. “I'm sorry about your friend.”
We both stewed in silence for a minute before Rayner spoke up. “We’ll send you home today.”
“You…really think I’m ready?”
Rayner nodded slowly. “I think so. The medication seems to be working, you haven’t had any breakdowns since you’ve been here. You’ve gotten much better at discussing these things. I think you’re equipped to face this now.”
“...I’m afraid,” I croaked.
“Of what?” Rayner asked, leaning forward
“Of…seeing Lucky again. I'm doubting whether I even should. I was never prepared to be her master. I’m just a danger to her.”
“Vikri,” Rayner exhaled and leaned forward. “You made a mistake. We all do. But you have a responsibility to her. You should at least see her and face that mistake, or you’ll never have closure. What you decide after that is your choice, but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.”
“I hope so,” I sighed.
Rayner clicked his pen and set his notepad aside. “We’ve made you some medication to take home, same stuff you've been taking. The plan is to keep lowering the dosage until you’re sleeping without it. We’ve made you some sheets with all the daily doses on them and when to take each one. It’s enough to last you two weeks, then once they’re out, you’ll come back here for another session, then if you need it, we’ll get you more and keep weaning you off them.”
He leaned forward, emphasizing his next words. “And I cannot recommend enough that you go to Jesse’s support group in between our meetings. Those will help you tremendously, I’m sure of it.”
I nodded. “I have his number. I’ll…I’ll give it a shot.”
“You won't regret it,” Rayner assured me. “Jesse was in the same chair as you not too long ago for similar reasons. He has knowledge from first-hand experience. I can vouch for him, he’s a great guy.” He inhaled. “Well, is there anything else Vikri? We won’t be seeing each other again for a while, so if there’s anything else, now’s the time to talk about it.”
I thought for a second. We’d covered almost everything. I’d never discussed those days in so much detail. It felt like being submerged in icy water. It was miserable at first, but over time it became easier, even comfortable. I’d relived so much pain over the last three days, but here at the end of the whole story, It felt less like a nightmare, and more like reality. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally replied.
“Then I’ll clear you to go home. Andrea is here, she’ll give you a ride, I’m sure. Here.” He reached over and handed me a small business card. “That has all my contact information on it. I’m usually here in my office until late at night, so feel free to call if you need anything. If the sedative gives you any issues at all, any side effects, make sure to call and let me know. We followed the recipe to a tee, but it’s wise to be cautious.”
A familiar silence flooded the room as Rayner and I seemed to, for the first time, have nothing left to say. Finally, the doctor spoke. “See you in two weeks, Vikri.”
///////////////////////////////
Golden strands of light danced between the digits of my paw as I moved it in front of the brilliant summer sun. An intense beacon of warmth floating in a sky as blue as Earth’s oceans. The rumble of Andy’s car occupied the air as we cruised down the highway. Vivri was sound asleep in the backseat. The gentle white noise and vibration seemed to knock her out cold. I watched the sunrays dance as I waved my paw in front of me, before turning it around. Several spots on my paw still had obvious scars. I even still had burn scars from the electrical systems aboard the crumbling Cardinal.
I curled my paw closed into a fist and rested my head against it, watching the lush, green mountains pass by in the distance. After three days I was set loose into the world once again, hopefully better armed than I was before. Even after all the weight I doffed from my shoulders in Rayner’s office, a crushing mass still rested on my chest. Lucky.
The weight only became heavier as the car slowed, and rounded a corner into the parking lot of a large animal hospital. Andy gently brought the car to a stop in a parking space in front of the entrance. Occasionally people would walk in and out with their pets, many of which were dogs on leashes.
Vivri stirred awake after we stopped. “Oh…We’re here,” she muttered nervously. “There’s…a lot more animals here than I was expecting.”
Andy chuckled. “It’s an animal hospital girl, there’s gonna be all kinds of critters here.”
I turned around to face her. “You don’t have to go in there. You and Andy can wait here.”
Andy scoffed. “You might wanna tell Rayner they screwed up those meds, ‘cause you’re delusional if you think I’m letting you go in there by yourself.”
“Well I don’t want her to be alone out here,” I argued.
“I’ll go in, just…stay close, please?” Vivri interjected.
I looked back at her, ears tilted. She was dead serious. I sighed and shook my head. “This is gonna be a disaster,” I groaned.
Andy opened her door. “I’ll wait with her in the lobby, you go talk to the vets. It’ll be fine.”
I looked back at Vivri one last time as Andy stepped out. “Alright, just stay away from the cats.” I opened my door and began stepping out into the summer air.
“C-cats?”
“Small felines. They're demons with mind control,” I replied just before closing the door.
Vivri scrambled out of the car and followed right on my heels. “Well don’t just leave me!” she squeaked.
I laughed. “I’m kidding. Well, mostly.”
Walking into the building, I realized that Lucky had been in a very similar place as me over the past three days. The lobby felt eerily similar to the one at the medical center. Everything went silent as Vivri and I walked in. Immediately I could feel dozens of eyes on us. Vivri hid close behind me as Andy gestured for me to follow her to the desk.
I doubted any of the humans there meant any harm, but dozens of binocular eyes snapping onto her in an instant had Vivri more unsettled than she already was. It didn’t help that several dogs were either on leashes or in carriers in the lobby, which were no doubt just as curious. I grabbed Viv’s paw. “They don't see many Venlil,” I whispered. “Just ignore them.”
I approached the desk with Vivri still hiding behind me. “E-excuse me?” I stuttered. The woman at the desk looked up, clearly caught off guard by two venlil standing before her. “O-oh! Excuse me, you must be Lucky’s owner, right?”
“Yeah. Vikri.” I could feel Vivri shivering behind me.
“I’ll let Doctor Gavin know you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before turning to Vivri. “Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Of course! It’s just for a few minutes, right?” Her body language gave an entirely different answer. She seemed like she might faint at any moment.
I looked up at Andy. “Keep her close, would you?”
Andy wrapped her arms over Viv’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep little Vivi safe from all the big, bad puppy dogs and mean kitties,” she said in baby speak, twisting her side to side. She giggled. “We’ll be fine.” Her tone suddenly shifted as she locked eyes with me. “Will you?”
I stood there in silence for a moment. This entire time my heart felt unbearably heavy. Standing there, I felt nauseous. So much so that I made it a point to know exactly where the bathroom was when I walked in. The weight on my chest made breathing a laborious task. I heaved in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there but…I have to do this. For both of us.”
Andy exhaled and nodded, seemingly just as nervous for me. Right on cue, the door at the back of the room opened with a heavy click. “Vikri?” a male voice called out. An older gentleman in burgundy scrubs surveyed the room. It didn’t take long for him to find me. He nodded toward me as he adjusted his glasses. “Right this way, please.”
“We’ll be right here,” Andy whispered, her hands still resting around Viv’s shoulders, who agreed with a tail flick.
I nodded and walked toward the man, leaving the cozy waiting room behind, and entering a long, sterile hallway. The doctor’s shoes clicked against the tile as he walked just in front of me. The weight bearing down on my chest only got heavier with each step. After a few agonizing seconds, the man finally spoke up as he stopped outside a door. “I’m Doctor Gavin,” he said breathily, extending a hand. “I performed Lucky’s surgery.”
I took his hand with my paw, which he could no doubt tell was trembling by this point. “Vikri,” I choked. “S-so…How is she?”
“She’s good,” Gavin answered in a higher pitch. “She’s recovering remarkably fast. Really lived up to her name.” He opened the door and stepped through into a kennel area as he continued. “The bullet hit one of her ribs and shattered. A couple of fragments pierced her lung, one of them was just inches from her heart. There’re still a few very small ones lodged in her tissue, but we’d be doing more harm than good by trying to remove them. They shouldn’t cause any issues and come out on their own after some time, but we’ll keep track of them with x-rays.”
As he spoke we passed by kennels, some empty, some with dogs that barked or jumped up on the cage as we passed. I scoured each one for Lucky, my dread building with each one we passed. Suddenly, the doctor stopped in front of me. He inhaled deeply. “I should mention…Given the…circumstances of how she got these injuries, me and some staff will stay with you just in case she becomes aggressive. That’s not to say that I think she will,” he added hastily, “she’s been great with everyone here but…you know, just to be safe.”
“I get it,” I breathed. It made sense. If Lucky attacked me, it would be far more deadly than it would be for a human. And I was confident even a human wouldn’t last long against a half-wolf her size. Fittingly, a group of four humans were gathered at the end of the hallway, catchers in hand.
Time seemed to slow as I approached the pen. The staff members all looked over at me with the same anxious expression. I felt like a prisoner walking toward my judgment, and that perhaps it was me that belonged behind these cages. I swallowed and took a long, slow breath as Gavin opened the gate. He walked in ahead of me. “Hey there big girl,” he said in a chipper tone. I heard the familiar thumping of Lucky’s tail against the floor. Gavin chuckled to himself as the remaining four staff calmly and quietly filed into the pen. Once they were all inside, the final human leaned around the corner, looked me in the eyes for a long second, and nodded once.
A new reality awaited around that corner. My sentence was about to be read. It felt so cripplingly helpless; wanting so desperately to finally be reunited with my best friend, yet trembling at the thought of rounding a corner to run face-first into the consequences of my actions. I steeled myself one last time. I nodded back at the catcher and took slow, deliberate steps toward him. I finally rounded the corner, and for the first time since the incident, I saw Lucky.
She lay on a large, fabric bed, with food and water bowls close by. Her right front leg was bound in a cast, tied up close to her body. A large patch of fur had been shaved away around her chest and halfway up her neck. She seemed thinner than I remembered. It reminded me of the scared, hungry pup I’d met so long ago.
Her eyes tracked onto mine instantly, and I felt an ache that defied all imagination. The same gaze that would send almost any other Venlil scrambling down the hallway instead gripped some inner part of me in a cold, numb stasis. I couldn’t move. Part of me wanted to run to her and spill out how sorry I was. Another wanted to curl up on the floor right there and sob, returning to that familiar numbness that seemed akin to the ancient enemy of life itself. The cold. That bitterness that pierced through fur, through flesh, through bones, and any ideal held by the naive child that sat next to Tenga’s corpse that day. It ran through until there was nothing left.
Then, I felt a warmth as if someone had draped a blanket over me. I gripped my poncho around my shoulders, grabbing it tightly. I made a quiet promise to myself there and then. Not a promise to my sister, or my parents, or Andrea. Me. I wouldn’t lie down in the cold. Never again. One more hill.
“Hey Lucky,” I said, my voice coarse and breaking every syllable.
The silence was abruptly broken as Lucky, though seemingly frail, shot to her feet. Everyone in the room shifted, prepared for the worst. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel my heart pounding in my legs, my body preparing to bolt. The staff watched her carefully, their grip slightly tightened around their polls. Lucky made no sounds, only stared at me, her nostrils flaring as she gathered my scent. Her right front leg was useless, immobilized against her body. She shifted her footing to steady herself. Then I saw something that replaced fear with tears. She was shaking like a leaf, never taking her eyes off me. She could care less about the others. She was scared. Of me.
I felt myself fall off a ledge in a sensation I’d become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. Tears streamed down my face, my breath hitching as I brought my paws up to my face. I fell to my knees, the presence of the staff had become irrelevant. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I exhaled between gasps. “I’m so sorry.”
So there it was. My new reality. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but it was what I expected. I didn’t know what I’d do then, and I didn’t know now. Could I go on without Lucky? She was the one fortress in the turbulent seas of my broken mind. She was the one I could always count on. The one that I knew would always be there, no matter what. Now I was convinced she was terrified of me.
I sat there a shattered mess for a long moment, tumbling off that cliff and reaching out for anything to catch myself, but found nothing but jagged stones. I felt a hand on my shoulder, Doctor Gavin attempting to comfort me, I assumed. Until I felt something touch my knee. I looked up, thrown out of the spiral abruptly. Lucky was now just in front of me, licking my leg. I froze, confused. She gently laid down, careful of her bandaged leg as she rested her head on my leg, looking up at me. That was the same leg she’d broken months ago. Finally, I got it. “I hurt you, and you still loved me.”
A wave of relief rushed through me and I looked down at her, eyes glossy with tears. I bent down and rested my head against hers. I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. For the first time in days, I felt whole again.
Lucky still loved me.
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I got the shot February 14. That was my first and only shot. Will not be getting another shot. Today marks 3 months since being on the shot so I’m assuming it’s ‘out of my system now’?. I’m however still experiencing symptoms from the shot I believe. The nausea, constant headaches, stomach pain, tiredness, sadness, spotting, cramping, etc.
Is this normal to still be experiencing side effects?. Do I have to wait a bit longer for the shot to really clear me system?. I personally feel like the medicine doesn’t completely leave the body in 3 months. But I don’t know. Thinking of going to the doctors soon.
I just want this to leave my body since I already have some stomach issues & it seems to be making it worse. Along side with the other side effects it’s giving me.

Just got my result back from my gp and I’m h pylori negative. Don’t really believe it to be honest I took antibiotics a week before the test for someone unrelated I’m wondering if that would give me a false negative. I have burning in my upper stomach, pain in my diaphragm between my ribs, hurts to eat etc. Would doctors still give me antibiotics if I asked?

I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant and could not keep the child. My partner helped me through this hard time.
I only had 12 pills of misoprostol. I had 4 under my tongue and after 30 mins I swallowed the rest with water and repeated the process every 3 hours until I finished all 12 pills. I had chills the whole night and my partner held me through the entire night. I did not experience any bleeding until I finished all 12 pills. I did take 600mg of ibuprofen just in case and zofran for nausea.
The bleeding came couple hours later. I saw very tiny clots and then a day later a bigger clot came out the next day. I thought it was the sac but it wasn’t. We’ll get back to this later.
So I assumed in a week or so my symptoms would go away but it did not. My breasts remained sore (for 5 weeks after my abortion) and I kept getting pelvic pain here and there. My pregnancy tests were not turning negative at all. I became increasingly concerned. Although it is normal to test positive weeks after the abortion, I was still worried. So about a month after the abortion (I would have been 8 weeks) I went for an ultrasound and I found out an empty sac was still there (wtf)!!! I am unsure what happened but I assumed it developed after.
I was going to do another round of misoprostol but yesterday (5 weeks after my abortion) I started to bleed and I assume my body will get rid of the empty sac. My sore breast and all symptoms are gone.
Hope my story helps someone!

Hello, I'm a college student diagnosed with fibromyalgia since my teens. I'm wondering, is pressing(massaging) sore painful muscles helpful and soothing, or does it worsen your pain? When I feel pain in my whole body parts muscles , I usually use a pressure massage machine and deep tissue massage bands to relieve muscle tension before I go to school and keep it for like 20-30 mins then it gets better so I can go to school. I'm curious if you experience the same symptoms!

I’ve tested positive with viral infection 2 weeks ago, went through all the motion, nausea congestion, runny nose, body aches but never really had a cough feeling better but the only symptom that seems to be lingering is lower abdominal pain?? This was my first symptom also doctor said more then likely just a “viral hangover” as basic tests and examination is fine just abit tender in my abdomen, anyone else experience this issue??

So after 5 years of fighting to figure out what was going on with me and being told a mixture of: anxiety, depression, migraines and/or allergies. I finally got a doctor to listen to me (an optamologist of all things) and her finding my optic nerves being swollen and that I possibly have this disease caused me to fight for an MRI/MRV. That showed I had:

1. A partially empty sella
2. A 13 cm cyst on my pituary gland
3. Mild narrowing along the lateral aspect of bilateral transverse venous sinuses

All of that combined with my symptoms had me finding a new doctor to go to because my neurologist saw all of that and still said "it's just depression" so I did research and asked my pcp to refer me to a neuro-optamologist. He said everything sounds like IIH and scheduled me a LP. That came out at 35, got my official dx and diamox ordered.
I've been scared to start diamox from all the horror stories but, I've kept doing research and feel a bit better about starting it knowing that upping my wateelectrolytes and potassium can help tremendously with side effects. However, I was hoping for a few things to be answered by you lovely people.

1. I'd absolutely LOVE to hear positive stories. I desperately need it for both people getting their lives back having IIH and people on diamox. I've felt like I haven't lived in years due to so many different illnesses (pcos, anxiety, depression, adhd, chronic pain, migraines and now IIH.) I felt like I could still live my life until about 5 years ago when I started getting insane head pressure but, anytime I went to the ER or a doctor - they were like "oh that must be a headache or migraine". No one would listen when I said "no, it doesn't hurt..I can have a migraine with it but this is different, I feel like my head is full and needs drained". Anyways, since that started 5 years ago my head pressure episodes have gotten worse and I'm usually bed ridden that entire time cause I just cannot function. I miss living my life and I just want hope.
2. I know I need to bring this back up with my doctor but, when they went over my MRI/V notes no one mentioned the "Mild narrowing along the lateral aspect of bilateral transverse venous sinuses". Is this what people get stents for? Is that stenosis? Should I be asking them to look more into that?
3. I had my LP done on Fri (the 10th) and I've been naesous almost constantly since. Is that a normal thing? I've had a headache and migraine as well, migraine was on day 3 and then day 4/yesterday was a mild headache. From my understanding a spinal headache from an LP is undeniable and you'll know it's from that, correct? This has felt like a typical migraine/headache. Nothing I'm not used to and it doesn't seem to make a difference if I'm standing/sitting/laying. I will also note after 10+ years of migraines and very little helping them, Emgality has been the thing that has made my almost daily migraines go down to 1 or 2 a month and I'm 3 days out from my next injection which typically is when my head gets irritated so I think that's why my head is irritated and that it's not LP related but, I just wanted to make sure.
4. Last question (for now lol), I've seen people recommend getting blood work frequently once on diamox. How do you go about this? My neuro-opt never called me once we got results - he just saw my OP was at 35 and sent in the medicine and I'm hoping to talk to him tomorrow to go over it a bit more but, do I need to advocate for regular blood work? If so, how often? What should I ask them to keep an eye on? I've seen too many people say their doctors didn't tell them about needing to drink more, get more potassium or electrolytes etc. so I want to make sure I'm prepared to fight for myself to try negating any possible side effects from taking diamox before I start.

Also whoever wrote the IIH packet on here - you're a Godsend. Thank you! Having all those notes is super helpful. 🫶

Hey, docs! I'm 18M, 5'4", 115lbs, A+ blood type. I gave blood a few months ago and had a severe vasovagal response, I threw up six times and didn't feel well enough to get up for an hour. I didn't faint but I experienced every other symptom. Even still, I'd like to donate again and maybe help save someone's life. Is there anything I can do to make the donation process easier for myself?
Some extra information: all my vitals looked good before the donation, blood pressure, iron, etc. I do sometimes get cold fingers and toes though, so I'm not certain how my circulation is in those extremities.
I have several other body oddities (which may not be relevant but giving plenty of information is recommended so here I go), including two missing toes (birth defect), minor pectus excavatum, scoliosis, a small bit of rib that I can move voluntarily (with no pain) and a tendon in my index finger missing stabilizers (I think that's what my doctor said the issue was). I also have hyperactive ADHD, astigmatism in my left eye, never-formed wisdom teeth, and I had a double knee surgery 3-4 years back to correct knock-knee and my legs growing at different rates. So yeah, I kind of hit the lottery of body oddities, and vasovagal syncope is a cherry on top.
Anyways thanks for any advice you can give! If I donate again I'll also make sure to let the staff know about my body's response so they can prepare haha.

I’ve been getting these bad chest pains different places center or left I feel like bad bad heartburn sometimes in the center slightly to the lower left where you’d think your heart is or pressure/achy feeling in the center upper chest or between my breast sometimes rarely pain in my far left breast or right or under my left breast….or rib cage on left anyways feels dull sharp stabbing pressure achy depends comes on suddenly or when I’m really stressed or angry … help anyone is this anxiety I saw a cardiologist and they cleared me but I can’t believe it’s anxiety

I’ve been getting these bad chest pains different places center or left I feel like bad bad heartburn sometimes in the center slightly to the lower left where you’d think your heart is or pressure/achy feeling in the center upper chest or between my breast sometimes rarely pain in my far left breast or right or under my left breast….or rib cage on left anyways feels dull sharp stabbing pressure achy depends comes on suddenly or when I’m really stressed or angry … help anyone is this anxiety I saw a cardiologist and they cleared me but I can’t believe it’s anxiety also I’m 7 m pp

My cute dog (American Cocker Spaniel) will pass soon. He already had a bad start when he was still with his mom (inexperienced breeder). He spend the first few weeks in the hospital. Some of his brothers and sisters didn’t make it, but he did. When we had our first check up the vet told us that his lungs are not in a very good shape. The rest of his body was fine with the exception of his teeth which were close together and had some plague already.
During the years we encountered some problems. After weeks of searching what is happening we found he has an severe longterm allergy for beef. We eliminated everything which contains beef, they are everywhere even in Salmon Biscuits… after the elimination it went ok and we even got a second dog.
Everything was going well. He had some problems with teeth (bad shape, due to bad start and medicine there) and his temper like food protection or barking at cars / bikes, but it was fine and he got a good checkup every year including titer tests which were always ok. His health started to decline in the summer of 2023. He started limping on his front feed and was eating worse. We also noticed 2-3 weird spots on his skin which seems like hotspots. The vet told he was a bit heavy, he had a stiff neck and his intestines were a bit puzzled. A few sessions of acupuncture, good washing and balanced diet could help him, and it did help him for a few weeks.
In the winter his health suddenly declined and the weird spots on his skin increased and expanded over his entire body with crusts. He was losing a lot of hair. After a few vet visits, some medicine and some tests we discovered that he was highly allergy for almost everything you could imagine. This was a big message for me and my wife as it would mean we should change in the house a lot while we also have a other dog who lived the same life in perfect health. We switched to special hypoallergenic dog food of Hills so he does not react on that food and keep the other dog on his current food. We had to lock both pets apart and clean up where the other pet and also where we ate so he can’t get any other food in his stomach.
This worked for a few weeks. He remained happy when someone is home, we went to the forest or beach regularly and if I leave the house I always wants to be back as soon as possible to see my family again. I mainly work from home, so the two pets are always around and I have a deep emotional connection with them.
Unfortunately, the spots came back rapidly and he was shaking a lot. His teeth’s were also declining rapidly and his movement worsened that he could jump on the couch anymore and the stairs are done step for each step. We shifted from dexamethasone to Prednisone to see any difference, but recently we came to the conclusion that this and other treatments are not giving the results we and the vet wants. I was still looking for possible solutions, but my wife (had dogs in the past) and vet intervened that he is sick and everything we are doing could at the best only suppress symptoms, we were not making him better. The vet said we were doing everything right on food, health etc. But basically his immune system is failing and not doing what it is supposed to do.
This week we decided to put him down. He will get his final rest next Saturday, on his fifth birthday. I’m devastated and keep crying that it is going to happen. Never had a pet during my youth and I’m just worried about the gap of the unconditional love he will leave. I’m also worried about my second dog who never has been alone and plays a lot with him and what this change will do with him.
While I’m writing this, my dog is sitting next to me and shaking, but he has a lot of moments where it all looks good (with exception of the skin/fur) and he seems enjoying life now. I find it very difficult he is passing at such a young age and weird thoughts are going through my mind if i could have prevented this, do things differently or anything to expand his time here with us. I feel defeated that I couldn’t help him anymore. During the good times I keep on thinking to call off the euthanasia, but then what… wait until he has a very bad or very painful day?
No matter what, I love him and keep carrying the awesome memories and the times he dragged me and my wife through really hard times in my heart. But the grief that he will be gone soon…This is the worst I’ve ever felt in my life…