There’s no easy way to put this, and because I was raised in an environment of brutal honesty instead of watered down truth, this will be very difficult or uncomfortable to read so fair warning for the content below.
I only remember the first few years of my childhood barely, but the years following after the age of 5 were not pretty. I was quite an introverted kid mainly due to stupid kid stuff at the time, I remember elementary school where the big talk was about modern musical artists at that time and Wii was a huge thing, I was more interested in ocean life and life outside, and more interested in bands like ACDC, twisted sister, Motörhead, and Black Sabbath. I was picked on constantly, I never really dressed in basketball shorts and jerseys, I always stuck to what I grew up around Bikes, Bands, and my dear old mom and dad. My uncles was a chopper builder and felt like a big bro more than an uncle, my aunt the same.
Of course because I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, I got sent to religious instructions, it wasn’t bad yet, but I met my first ever like real friend a kid named Devin, he was a year older but we grew up together and made each other laugh, we did everything together to make each other laugh like we had nothing better to do, he was the ultimate brother from another mother. Because of these classes every now and then the local priest would show up and observe, there was guy who followed him around, I think he was like a priest in training or something like that. This sounds like a set up to a dark South Park joke, but it’s the real thing. Devin was my only friend, but he went to a different school, everyone else at my school picked on me or spread rumors to have people avoid me.
Every Wednesday I went to religious instructions, and this priest kept calling me out of class to go to his office, now I had learning disabilities and couldn’t sit still, so I ended drawing on my paperwork a lot and I would get called in for it, but instead of being mad at me for defacing Bible passages, he instead took an interest in my artwork, and it made me feel proud and I felt less introverted. These office visits became frequent and the priest kept encouraging me to keep drawing which I thought was great, it made me feel important.
That was like alcohol to an addict, it felt good to be noticed and it felt good to feel like you’re important until he started touching me. I know this sounds like a stereotypical dark joke, but most dark humor wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t some real life occurrence. It started slow, a hand on the lap, a hand in the shoulder, a hand moving up my thigh, a hand moving up my thigh and around my butt, before it became a sexual assault. Picture the worst thing happening to you, that can be categorized as a sexual assault or rape, and that’s what I was going through. I felt guilty, I felt ashamed, at the same time I felt addicted because I was getting special treatment in these religious classes, I felt good sometimes but at the same time I had a know in my stomach, I felt fucking pain all the time. I lost feelings for pain and instead it became a crutch, watching a 7 year old start scraping his arms with the blades of scissors in 2nd grade art class is not an image you want to see.
My parents became aware of my strange behavior and believe me when I say it took a lot to tell my parents what was going on every Wednesday.
They were livid, they responded like any parent who found out their kid was being raped by someone they trusted. I don’t need to get into the details of police officers asking me to go into detail about what happened to me. As for what happened to the priest, suprisingly the church defended him, and I was seen as a little liar, he never got to see life behind bars, because cancer took his life away 6 months after all of this came out. Though in my mind now I’d like to think he committed suicide because he was a coward and didn’t want to face consequences.
If not the act of being raped as a child is disgustingly awful, it’s the years following that are more painful, but somehow even at the worse times of it, I’m still here! I smoked, I drank, all at ages you wouldn’t even fathom, Devin was still around, and he was the only friend I confided in with this event in my life and he took it to his grave, he passed away in 2020, age 20. Years following after the priests death and the therapy I went through I felt like I wanted to die, I had to die, I hurt myself, sometimes I hurt others, I wanted that time back but now 17 years later I know I’ll never get it back.
Some kids found out around that time and thought it was the greatest joke, I must’ve heard the word faggot and queer a thousand times. But even more surprising is that the same kids that said that, ended up realizing just how bad it was, and gave me some of the most heartwarming yearbook signings when I graduated high school in 2018.
How the fuck I’m still here? I’ll never really know, the times where I was blindly self harming and feeling a shit load of pain, i really felt like dying but now it’s something I want to pretend never happened, but I accept it and like most things in life, I have to move on. It’s not easy, it never is but somehow I just do.

Hello Reddit,
Three months ago I moved back into my mom’s house. I am 30 years old. When I moved in, she was excited that I was bringing my cats (this ties in later). I have been dating someone that just got a place close to my work place. My mom’s house is a 45 minute drive from work (M-F 8-5). At the beginning, she was saying how I’m free to go as a please, just not after 10p since she will be in bed and the door will wake her. Now, when I go somewhere for a couple days (stay with the person I am dating/3 nights a week), she makes little comments about me neglecting my cats and how they are “hers now”. Something to note, I am a great cat mommy. When I leave, I provide them with enough food and water to last and fresh litter. The first few nights I went to stay, I would drive back to feed my cats (to prevent this exact thing) which she said was unnecessary because she “just has to put food in a bowl”. My cats aren’t alone, they spend time with my mom and stepdad. I do feel guilty leaving them just because I miss them, not because I feel they were neglected. Now, I am not ready to move in with anyone and I can’t afford a place of my own. My relationship has been ongoing for five months. It’s really great and they are my person, but I want to take my time before doing that. Some other things to note is that I’m incredibly tidy, respectful of their home, and help with their daily chores. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. With my mother, you can never really please her either way. I’ve honestly been losing my mind since being back with all of the comments and remarks(aside from the cats). I have been loving spending overnights with my significant other since they were long distance for a while. The short drive to work has also been great. So I ask.. Am I the asshole? Also.. • how do I manage this situation appropriately? • am I being selfish? Neglecting my animals? • how many nights a week do you think it’s appropriate I stay with my significant other away from my parent’s? •any other words of wisdom?

I have been offered a puppy which is a singleton. In other words, it has no siblings.
Unfortunately, the mother does not understand that it is her puppy. The breeder has therefore chosen, after three days, to remove the puppy from the mother.
The puppy must therefore be brought up and socialized by the breeder. The breeder will be with the puppy 24/7 and there are other dogs in the household. In addition, the puppy is taken to work for a few hours, when the breeder is required to do so.
Does anyone have similar experiences where the dog turned out fine? When I read the stories online, I fear the dog will develop behavioural issues.
It should of course be mentioned that I will attend puppy training - and when we receive the puppy, I will have four weeks of work.
Will the puppy be fine?

I (32F) and my husband (41M) have two kids and are expecting our third pretty soon.
Little history, I was induced with my first two pregnancies because of low fluid with one and cholestasis with the other. We had a ectopic pregnancy with a third that resulted in emergency surgery, loss of a fallopian tube and loss of fetus. We always wanted a bigger family, so we were thrilled when we were pregnant again with a healthy baby.
I will be a SAHM once our 3rd arrives. I’ll be homeschooling as well and we’ve looked at our finances and will be OK.
Here comes the argument last Friday. My mom made a comment about how spacious our houses, I said while chuckling, “ more room for more kids!” She got stern and said it’s selfish for people to want more kids and that it’s not fair because kids don’t ask to be brought into the world. I didn’t say any more and tried to brush it off, but when I called her the next day, I could tell she was upset. I asked her what was wrong and she just laid into me. To summarize, she told me it would be selfish for us to have a 4th, it won’t be fair to the other kids, at least two will have to share a room, we won’t get to do fancy trips, etc. She also asked what would happen if something happened to my husband as he is older. I’m a nurse so could always go back to work if needed.
I tried stopping the conversation because I was sobbing at this point, thanks pregnancy hormones. But she refused and just kept going. It finally ended with me telling her again to stop and she said OK bye. The next day was Mother’s Day and I sent her a nice Mother’s Day message, all I got in return was a hope you had a good day too thanks. No happy Mother’s Day and return. I’m extremely hurt and sad and don’t know how to salvage our relationship or even how to start another conversation. Right now people agree that she’s the asshole but if I tell her to butt out, then I could be the asshole.

So I (33F) had been seeing a guy (44M) lets call him Jim for just over 12 years at the point of this story, I thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. Oh how wrong I was.
So one very sleepy morning at 6am there was an almighty noise coming from the front door and shouting saying that it was the police. My stomach dropped as I went to open the door as Jim's mum hadn't been well and had no idea why else there would be police at the door. When I opened the door they asked for my partner and I sent them upstairs, a very lovely police woman sat me down and explained to me what was going on. They had a warrant for his arrest.......
They said that he had been talking to children online, my mind went blank, I felt sick, there were no words only tears and thinking that they had to have the wrong person. They took him off, I called my parents balling my eyes out and we all agreed that it had to be some sort of mistake. Jim came back about 6 hours later minus a phone and many other personal items to analysed by police. He told me that he had no idea what they were on about and reassured me that it would pass.
Well 2 years went by (as that is the speed of the police here) and it is going to court. My dumb ass at this point should have known that something was up at this point but Jim kept telling me that everything was fine and I believed him. A lot of it happened behind closed court doors and he didn't tell me much after each appearance but I also didn't ask.
Jim then thought that for the last appearance it would be a great idea for me to go with him for support etc and I agreed. Now lets make this clear here I was having severe problems with my mental health at this point and I don't know why I said I would go to be honest. I went, sat there, had to listen to everything that he hadn't told me about and was even more shocked. Turned out he had 4 charges against him including 3 pictures of underage children and 1 charge of "talking" with a minor. They read out all of the conversation that was had and I couldn't believe it. A police officer had pretended to be a 13 year old girl and he was still chatting away and sending pics even after she said she was 13. He even downloaded snap chat to talk to her and kept going back to the conversations himself rather than her starting all the time. The judge said that he had no remorse as he had stated that it wan't that bad as it wasn't a real 13 year old he had been talking to............ He got a 2 year suspended sentence as it was his first offence and his mother wasn't well, 100 hours of community service and has to be on lists for at least 10 years.
I got home after my brain had nearly fallen out and we "talked", he said he doesn't really remember doing it! He was stressed because of covid (bollocks) which I had told him to seek professional help for as I knew he wouldn't talk to me. I said I had a niece and a nephew on the way and he said nothing, he would have to ask for consent to be around children and I was not giving that consent. I asked why he thought it was a good idea that I went to court with him, Jim's reply was I didn't think it was a bad idea until I found out who the judge was.
There were so many things that he didn't tell me like how many charges, what had actually happened and I felt like I had been betrayed in the worst way possible. After long and very hard thoughts (and crying) I decided that I couldn't stay with someone like that and I ended it about a year ago now. I finally feel like I can spread my wings and have actually started doing stuff for myself again.
Sorry this wasn't an AITA but I thought you would enjoy the tea

I am really tired of being this obese girl coming to school everyday in the same sweatshirt that covers my fat and yoga pants. I want to do something about this before I graduate and have a healthy weight. I am a female, 17 yrs old, 5ft 6in (1.7meters), and weigh around 188lbs - 191lbs (85.2kg - 86.6kg). I can't really control my diet since my mother makes my meals after school (mostly consisting of indian food such as dahl, rotis, rice, etc). I have already tried to have some weight loss with seems to work but doesn't seem sustainable and I always end up gaining more weight than what I started off with.
Please give me some advice on how I can loose maybe around 35-50 pounds before my senior year (which starts in August 2024).

Sorry it’s long, but I’m so tired of putting effort in my relationships when it’s not being reciprocated back anymore. The guy I was dating claimed to love me and miss me, we’re still talking and could potentially get back together. But he has periods of time when he goes awol for days and it worries me, and when I check on him he says he’s fine. But if I don’t text at times, he doesn’t check on me, which leads me to believe he doesn’t care.
My best friend also hasn’t been reaching out much to me lately. We normally vent to each other and can rely on one another for support, and she hasn’t responded to anything I’ve sent her lately, only small snippets. Yet when she sends me her long series of messages, I respond to everything, every time. It makes me feel like I’m not cared about, and like what I say doesn’t matter.
Now I do understand that people are living their own lives and get busy at times. My friend has been struggling to find a job for a year since she graduated college, and lately she expressed the frustration and hopelessness that she felt. I totally feel for her and she deserves the best. She mentioned how that has made her really stressed, therefore causing a lack in responses to everything. I truly understand and want to be there for her the best way I can, and I offered that support.
The guy I dated doesn’t ask about me as much anymore, and it saddens me. I let him know that I still miss him and hoped that everything was okay. I want to believe that he still cares for me like I do for him, but actions speak louder than words for me. And his actions as of lately are telling me that he’s too enthralled with his own affairs to reach out to me. And if that continues on, I’ll have no desire to get back with him in the future.
This bothers me so much because I’m also dealing with a lot of shit that they know about. I had to abruptly move back home to take care of my mother, who got her leg amputated below the knee. That meant having to move back in with my family, who (not including my mom) are mentally exhausting, lazy, and don’t care about anything. Dealing with that on top of being the primary caregiver for my mom, and taking care of household chores has not been fun. I have really busy days where I run around, yet I still manage to make time to talk to the important people in my life. Talking to them makes me feel better, yet lately when I reach out I’m just met with no response. And it’s not like I excessively text, but I try not to worry. Either way, I’ve now reached a breaking point, and I don’t care anymore.
I’m not going to over exert myself any further. I’m done reaching out. If they reach out they will, and if not, then it’s whatever, I’ll move on. I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to make the effort.

I’m on T for 5 months now and work at a public pool. Today a toddler fell and had bruised knees. I brought some band aids and, as I usually do, attempted to put them on the wounds. Toddler backed up, started crying even harder and insisted their mother did it. Then, mumbled something under their breath while pointing at me. It wasn’t really easy to tell what the toddler said at all, but “Mann”, the German word for man obviously, clearly was involved. This may also have been the first time a toddler was scared of me 🥺 while that’s very sad, it also felt kinda great, you now? 😅
Also the owner of the restaurant at that pool called me “sir” correctly on the first try today. She had to correct herself lately (we have seen each other 3 times since I told her I’m actually a trans man 😅 and every time she corrected herself without me having to insist 👀 so she’s doing great I guess)

today has just been such a bad day. 1st: I get a phone call from the principal at my kids school… he’s been “distributing pictures of other students”, got into a fight and got back into contact with someone I blocked from his phone. we got him a phone for his birthday - against my better judgement - and here’s the proof I was right. every rule I’ve given, he’s broken. I feel like such a failure as a mother, how did I fail this kid so bad? what am I doing that so similar to my parents or his dads parents that is causing him to act out the same way we did? I try to enforce rules, boundaries, respect… I tried to be harsh, be loving, understanding, soft, hard and everything in between and it doesn’t seem like anything I do is enough. I resent him sometimes and that scares the hell outta me. that’s my baby boy - he was my first real love, my best friend. he is part of me, it’s so painful to have this happen. I’m at such a loss.
2nd: I got another rejection letter for my poetry. I know that it’s only been 2x that I’ve submitted these and quite frankly, they might not suck but they’re not spectacular either. I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting a final placing - but it still hurts to get that rejection. I feel like this is just a bad omen for my interview tomorrow - that it’s all gonna fall apart on me and I’ll be stuck again. the last week or so, I had some semblance of hope - some form of optimism. I need to stop letting my bad thoughts overpower things but I’m so terrified this rug is gonna get yanked out from under me, like it always does.
I really am trying to do better things, be more positive, worry less and blah blah blah. but idk. nothing feels like it’s going anywhere. I can’t even seem to assess my fucking feelings anymore. idk if these meds are helping in anyway at all.
total side note - I watched the Hotel Cecil doc on Netflix. it was a little overdone imo, but pretty good. would do a 7/10.

Rise up. It is time to return.
Arose
A Rose
Rose
Flower
Thorn. Prick. Blood. Drop. Tear. B. O. 1 2 3
Here we are again. Staring at the beginning. Everything is in chaos and yet it manages to keep on passing by just the same as always. Most people by now are aware that things just don’t seem to make sense anymore and no one really knows what to do. I mean many seem to have an opinion on what ought to happen, but actual action is what I am talking about. How does thought turn into action? How do collected actions become a movement? How do the People use the Power of the People? The People Unite. How? Turn to each other of course. Brothers and Sisters of the same Source. Sons and Daughters. In Equality.
Too long has everyone been waiting for someone else to come do it for them. Been trying to create and fabricate over and over again words and rituals to try to control the divine powers of the cosmos. It does not work like that. There is no magic spell to wash away your sins. You must atone through action to make up for any harm you have caused intentionally or unintentionally. You still have time to repent. The amount of time you have is counted in the seconds of your life. Not a single second is promised to you so the gamble is up to you to choose. Freewill. Life your life as you always have or make changes, up to you. Only you will know if you are living righteously and not self righteously. Testing has already begun and will continue. No you will not know when it is a test or not. That is the point. Did you think that I would come to you in a form where you would be all fearing? Oh no. Why? Because you would simply put on an act for me and kiss ass. I came hidden in the ordinary. Poor and common. I have had an inside view of the systems created and how humans have chosen to run things, how systems claiming to protect people have failed and how the system that talks good does not actually do good. I see where things are not working and where people think they can make decisions for other human beings to determine what is best for them without asking them. That is not okay. Nothing gives you right over another’s life. And so many forgot what integrity is. Doing the right thing when no one is looking. Well, so many thought their power here was real and man made a deal with the Devil, Satan, Son of Samuel, Son of Man, to make man the concept of “God” and tried to lock me away. I gave up everything to prove it is not easy to be me and to stop with self pity and cruelty to one another.
The human body. It is a vessel for your soul to experience this world. The body provides the filters necessary to perceive and interact with this world. There is much more happening and one would be overwhelmed by the amounts of information to process without these filters. To feel and in those feelings are to make each experience real. However, it is temporary, as everything is temporary. We have slowed down time here in order to be able to enjoy the sensations. Time here however, is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It is merely to track to organize one's day and to see growth to compare as time passes. However, the actual time folds upon itself as we have already done what we are doing many times over. We have already tried out everything and decided what path we wanted to take in our lives based upon what was available to us. Thus, we do not have more than we can handle. We have all chosen our burdens to bear as it is too much for one individual to hold alone which was done in the past. This is part of the sorting process. Now that we all share in the sins and the pains, no one is made to suffer eternal torment. This life was to allow those who were created into entities of pain or torment through no fault of their own to choose the life that matched the being of who they were as what they were different as time and space and everything developed. Righteousness and Evil are not synonymous to demons or angels as many would like to believe. This is a current misconception as Satan and I conclude who will be right in this experience you have all participated in. So far, I am proving to be right. Also to note, not everything is as you think it is. Many have figured out the true origin of Satan versus the man or human embodiment of or desire of A Satan to project evils onto to call a Religion and set up for personal importance. Q AZHow can you tell a false prophet? Easy. What is their profit? Get it? I know I’m funny. Also wanted to keep it easy. If they are making a profit on anything they are a false prophet. Any true prophet, and I have none so far, all live equally and the same as anyone else. No money is taken for personal gain. Nothing is for personal gain. There is no 888 Angel code for money. Money is Man-Made. Man traded Mother for Money. Hence, Mothers have been lost in the homes and no one is raising the children. Thus, there are so many children in adult bodies with no mothers in the home and women being made to feel guilty if they do not achieve the same as a man. Remember the phrase it takes a village? Well, the broken family system is a real sad loss here in man made world pushing everyone to be individual and self sufficient. Also so many with wanting attention and pursuing personal endeavors for personal gain and not helping anyone else in a real way. The journey is personal. Of course, you want to share what you experienced with others, but what worked for you will not work for them, stop trying to sell it. Stop trying to make people follow you for you to teach your divine wisdom you remembered. It isn’t about You. You don’t even have the full story, you have your story. And, yes you can be very close to me, very similar to me, in my image, but you can never BE me. Doesn’t work like that. Reflection. So when jealousy arises when you think I am who you think I am. That is part of your test and your journey. You wrestle with that feeling and atone and repent for that which has been done and that which still lingers now. Oh there is a place for everyone and I am quite tired of trying to warn people. Clearly you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
Why do you not want it to be me so badly? Because I proved my love? You still think I am better than you or do I think I’m always right. No I do not think I am always right, I just know when I am right and I stand by it. There is a difference. You constantly overgeneralize. I gave up all the magic and thunder to live as a simple human and am still kind and loving? I still found my way back. Because you can no longer say I do not understand because I always get what I want? No. You do not understand. I never get what I want, because I make everything about you and still nothing was ever good enough. So, now...it in on you to save yourself and each other. In my image, by my example. Selflessness. Love. Compassion. Give to receive. Take only what you need and give the rest away. I find out so stop lying to yourself and everyone, you aren’t fooling anyone anyway. How do I know? By watching what you do. We have these same conversations over and over, the same argument over and over again. So many different ways, so many different times, through so many different people, so many different versions. Save you. Save Me. Say it for always.
Anyhow, Jesus challenges the Jewish priests who were taking collection money for personal use and adding personal baths to their residents at a time where the people only had a community bath where women and persons with disabilities were not allowed to bathe. And yet churches still do this after Jesus was crucified saying that, that was wrong. I am appalled. The Vatican is the biggest disappointment I have ever seen. It is truly the house of Satan as only Evil hides secrets. “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.” A church cannot be a “House of God” and house no people who need housing. A roof can be offered to anyone and yet there are so many rules to prevent people from helping each other. Power and control. Abuse of both. Greed. It is out of hand and needs to be changed. Too many are afraid and the complacency of good people is too much. Why do you do this to yourselves? To each their own I suppose.
I will only leave here my words and my advice. As always, it is on you to find me. I’m right here. Waiting. Right here waiting for you. Helping those of you who want it when they cross my path. The purpose of this was to weigh your soul to determine where you will go into the next life as the system is balanced out in a final version so to speak. Permanent.
Fear not. You will be where your heart truly desires. But actions always speak louder than words. But man made money has no value, nor does any metals, jewels, and so on, so the collection of it in this life has no bearing on the next. Those are all made of the same stardust as you and I. And in the end of 3D it will all be diamonds anyways. Diamond is forever. There is no going back. So what are you hoarding? You cannot keep it. Who could you be helping for goodness sake? Don’t want to still. That is okay. Think I am just crazy. That is okay too. It is all part of the test...err..assessment. Do your best.
What is in your heart?
Home.
I need a home.
Stay tuned as more of my story unfolds. I give all the answers but you must do the work. I already did that hard part setting it all up. All you have to do is breathe and live. Time is the only real currency you have. What will you pay your attention to before this life runs out?

I've lost perspective. We've been in a relationship for 8 years, living together for 5. For the past two years, once every few months, a fight erupts. It usually has to do with something I don't do "right" in his eyes. In this case, I struggle to communicate clearly when I'm in conflict with him (he said/she said). I become really anxious and emotional and can be confusing (demanding space but at the same time trying to continue talking, saying one thing and then the contrary, crying and at the same time being angry). He stays angry, but calm. It's important to emphasize that neither of us physically or verbally attacks each other. There's no disrespect or abusive behavior.
He has a lot of trauma from his childhood, with a verbose, chaotic, and aggressive mother. So, when I communicate in a verbose, confusing, and angry way during a fight, he reacts with a lot of anger. The problem is he stays "angry" for such a long time.
I have apologized and committed to improving the way I navigate conflict with him. He "accepted" my apology. It's the same old story: in the face of conflict, I have the need to feel closer and to repair, and he needs space and time. Probably something to do with attachment styles.
However, seven days have passed, and although he is polite, he avoids me (he leaves the house with friends), avoids sleeping with me, avoids looking at me, touching me... has this polite coldness demeanor... Ultimately, he avoids resuming a life as a couple. And this hurts. A lot.
I wonder if it's common for someone to need so much time to process emotions and forgive. The last time this happened, he went a whole month without wanting to resume living together as a couple.
It hurts me, but I understand that he may need more space and time to navigate his own emotions. At the same time, a part of me is worried: there was no betrayal, no aggresion, no disrespect... I feel the response is not proportional. But I might be wrong.
As i said, i have lost perspective. I dont even know anymore what is "Normal" or not normal in a relationship.
I would appreciate opinions, experiences, ways of handling... or any wise words ;)
Thank you so much!!

im a teenager and still live with my narcissistic mother, i have a younger brother who is 10 years younger than me and my mother acts sexually inappropriate towards him. she doesn’t molest him or sexual assault him or anything physical, but the things that i overhear verbally are disgusting, i bring it up and tell her it’s disgusting and she just turns it to “you’re not a parent so you know nothing” as if i don’t know that it’s gross to say and encourage sexual stuff to a 6 year old boy. they still bath together and i hear every word from my bedroom. my brother acts very inappropriately from things he sees online but also because of my mothers encouragement. he moans and talks about his genitals and me and my mothers bodies all the time, but it’s not like he knows any better, this continues to happen because my mother enables it and laughs at him when he says this stuff and touches himself and others inappropriately. you are not supposed to act this way with children and it’s so obvious, but she does. even my stepdad says it’s weird and perverted but that’s all he says. does anyone else’s mother do this? she never acted this way with me when i was a kid, just my brother. i don’t know what to do, it’s so disgusting but it’s not like i can do anything about her.

Hi, this is my second post here. I'm asking for advice this time because I'm really at a loss.
I'm an adult who had to move back in with my abusive parents after being out on my own for a significant period of time. It's been such a degrading experience that I sometimes wonder if I would've been better off just being homeless.
I've been working a lot on trying to set boundaries in general. I essentially had zero autonomy as a child/teen and because of this I became a people pleaser who let everyone walk all over me like a doormat. I'm done being that way. It's fucking exhausting.
The thing is, it's nigh impossible to set even simple boundaries with my parents. They still treat me like a child/teen (if you read my last post it was about how they still try to ground me and take my things away when I pay the bill for it, ex. my phone) and they refuse to accept that I'm an adult now.
Recently I got a new job that pays a significantly better wage than what I was making before. I'm so happy because this may finally be my chance to get back out from under their roof. The thing is, the on-boarding process has been slow. Lots of training, and then waiting for the state to approve my certificates, etc. For the past month or so my mother has been asking me five or six times a day, every single day, if I've heard anything from my job. And I'm not even exaggerating. It's the same question, five times a day, seven days a week, for the past month. It drives me up the fucking wall.
My mother, besides being extremely manipulative and sometimes physically violent, is a very nosy person and will be absolutely relentless when it comes to getting any information she wants, whether it's her business or not. It's very much a habit for her to harp on me and my sibling (who is also an adult and lives here) about anything and everything, because she claims "nothing gets done if I'm not breathing down your neck." It's incredibly invasive, and besides that it's not even effective. My temperament heavily aligns with symptoms of pathological demand avoidance, which means her "reminders" and frequent questions have the opposite effect and only serve to cause me more anxiety and resentment.
I've tried to be very firm with her. I've told her multiple times to stop asking me about my job and that I'll tell her when I hear something, so she doesn't need to ask. She always responds with threats of violence and says that it doesn't matter how many times she asks me something, if she asks me a question I am to answer it without argument or complaint, lest I want to get beaten. I know these are probably just empty threats because if she really wanted to beat me she would have already, but she's beaten me before and I know for a fact she would do it again.
Yesterday I told her again to stop asking me. That this is a non-negotiable boundary I'm standing on, and if she continues to ask me from this point forward I'm just going to ignore her. She said that I'm never allowed to ignore her for any reason and that if I do ignore her there will be consequences (again, threatening violence.)
I know this is probably such a simple and trivial thing but it honestly wouldn't matter what boundary I was trying to set. If I do anything at all that they dislike they threaten and harass me. I just don't know what to do because when I do get out of this house I'm going no-contact with both of them, and I'm terrified because I know they'd go to the ends of the earth to force me to stay in their lives. I've dealt with harassment from non-family members before and unfortunately law enforcement was not helpful about it whatsoever, so I have very little hope I'll ever be able to cut contact with them at all.

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from Italy, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about “immigrants coming to our country” and jadajadajada. The government is right wing. So yeah, being racist is almost the norm, unfortunately.
I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable and will never forget it.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin and his religion. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

This is a hard question for me to put into words.
My mother died in July of last year with dementia, survived by her two children (5 grandchildren), her husband, and two stepchildren (her husband's children). She had been married to her husband for 15 years, both my brother and I were adults when they met and married. They lived in Oregon, my family lives in California, my brother's family in Washington. When my mom and I talked about her end of life planning, she told me that they had an agreement that eventually their shared wealth would be split among their four collective children. My stepfather approached my brother and me separately a few weeks prior to my mom's death to ask if it would be okay if he would explicitly disinherit his son, include a larger share for his daughter, and add his assistant at work and his elderly siblings as beneficiaries. No mention of amounts during this conversation, though he did ask me not to mention it to my mom, he didn't want to worry her in her final days. Both my brother and I said, "Of course, thanks for filling us in." He wasn't sure when he would get it finalized with a lawyer.
It turns out that my mom and her husband had a joint will naming each other as the inheritor of their shared estate when one of them died.
A few weeks after my mom died, my stepfather had a medical scare and he was worried that his son would have a claim against his estate if he didn't have something in writing. He texted me a copy of a handwritten will dividing his entire estate between his siblings, his daughter, and his assistant, with a provision leaving $5 to his son as a sweet FU. My brother and I were not mentioned in this will, even to account for my mom's items, like family furniture, jewelry, photos. This is not at all what I was expecting, and I asked to talk with him about it. He refused, saying there was nothing to talk about, the people he named needed the money and my brother and I didn't. My stepfather and I stopped talking, though he did occasionally send me things he thought I should keep, especially photos of my mom's family.
I was furious that he refused to hear me out, and that he was so obviously going against what my mom would have wanted. She doted on her grandchildren (and on her kids) and wanted to do anything to support them and their growth. That my stepfather did such a 180 from her values with no regard for our feelings in the wake of her death... I'm still furious about it.
This April, my stepfather committed suicide, shortly after the death of his daughter. His will divides his estate between his daughter, his assistant (who was named executor), and his siblings. There is a small gift ($5k) to each of my mom's 5 grandchildren. The estate is estimated to be worth about $1M, and that includes all of my mom's possessions. She had some beautiful stained and blown glass collections, family heirlooms of furniture, art and jewelry, and loads of items that don't have any significant monetary value but lots of sentimental value as I grew up with them in my home. Probate will be a mess because his daughter's death leaves her two young children in a custodial gray area.
I've talked with the executor and she outlined a process where everything in the house would be liquidated, and the proceeds divided to the beneficiaries. If there was anything of sentimental value that I would like to keep I could buy it from the estate before auction. I've talked about it with my family, and I won't be buying anything from the estate. My family can't afford the expense at this point in time (3 kids all eying college) and the items themselves would be charged with all these bad memories and anger. I've asked if I could come up to the house to photograph her collections and tag anything that may be easier to just give to me than sell for pennies on the dollar. I'm getting run around from her on scheduling something because she would have to be on site at the house while I went through things.
I don't particularly want to engage in this legal mess, but I do want to know. Would I have a claim on his estate? I'm curious about financial benefits and property. It just seems so unfair. She trusted him and would never have approved of her husband leaving out her family like this.
Thank you for your time and your thoughts.

Although I consider myself proficient in English, I'm wondering whether it makes sense to learn a third language, e.g. Spanish, by using a Spanish-English deck. And even if I know all the basic English words, I still feel like I don't have this deep of a connection to the meaning of them than to the corresponding words in my mother tongue.
So, how are you guys dealing with this issue? Do you feel comfortable or do you think that you are wasting some potential by not using the reliable native understanding?

Things tend to get heated around here, certain topics are heavily contested. I don't know about the rest of you, but as a bloody newbie all of that can be disheartening sometimes. It's not all bad, of course, there are a lot of interesting and helpful conversations going on in here, but it gets really scary sometimes.
Today I found these gems while reading Linji, so I decided to share them together with a few remarks. Please feel free to criticize or add your own!
From The Recorded Sayings of Linji, translated by J. C. Cleary:

“Good people of the Path, do not grasp what I say. Why? Be­cause verbal explanations have no basis: they are temporary sketches on the void, like images formed of colored clouds.

This short excerpt alone is already remarkable. Note that Linji does not tell us to disregard his words (which would be a paradoxical) but urges us to not grasp them. Grasping, clinging, attaching - futile attempts to hold on to something that is temporary.

Good people, there is no buddha that can be attained. Even the three vehicles, the five categories of beings, the round and the sudden manifestations of the teachings, [and all Buddhist for­mulations] are all just medicines to deal with the diseases of a cer­tain period.

The comparison to medicine further illustrates the conditional nature of verbal teachings. For instance, no skillful physician would prescribe laxatives for every ailment just because they helped in cases of constipation.

There is no real doctrine at all. If there are [doctrinal teachings], they are open announcements that show some semblance of [real truth], public verbal demonstrations. Arranged for effect, they explain as they do for the time being.

Again, there is no real, i.e. permanent and unchanging, doctrine. However, that doesn't mean those demonstrations have no worth.

“Good people, there are some misguided monks who attach their efforts to what is in these teachings, trying to find a worldtranscending truth, but they are making a mistake. If people seek Buddha, they lose Buddha; if they seek the Path, they lose the Path; if they seek the patriarchs, they lose the patriarchs.

I did that, just recently, maybe some of you did that, too. Isn't it liberating to let go of all that?

“Worthy people, make no mistake about it. For now I don’t care if you understand the sutras and the sastras, I don’t care if you are a prince or a high official, I don’t care if your eloquence is like a waterfall, I don’t care if you are intelligent and knowledge­able. All I require of you is correct understanding.

Have you ever felt like you're "not good enough" for Zen? Not "spiritually sharp", just run-of-the-mill? I certainly did, so reading that Linji doesn't care about all of that is powerful, encouraging.

Good people, even if you can interpret a hundred sutras and sastras, you are not as good as a simple monk without concerns. You may inter­pret them, but it is only to put down other people—you have the victory-and-loss mentality of the asura. You are ignorant of self and others, and are increasing your hellish karma.

Is it that simple? No more elbow mentality, no more heated discussions about who got it right?

“Better to have no concerns, to stop and rest. When hunger comes, eat. When sleep comes, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at us, but the wise know.

Yes, it's that simple. Let's chill and enjoy the little time we have left together.

short of the long is I am due in November and we are looking for a girl name that pairs well with the name "Alma" which is my mother's name. I am a first-generation American born here and my husband is a 3rd generation "mutt" (German, Italian, Irish) - my husband is leaving the naming up to me, he has no ties to any of his family member's names and has no girl preferences either (he also doesn't want a too common name)
he loves Alma as a middle name because it's my parent's first grandchild
Idk how to word this a way that won't offend the majority of white people on here, but I am not fond of common "white girl" names for my own daughter, such as (Rachel, Ashley, Olivia, Lauren, Diane, etc) though they are pretty names, I am also not fond of the common Spanish names (Carmen, Catalina, Marisol, Gabriella, Carolina, Mia, etc) again, pretty names, just not for me
looking for something unique but also feminine and light on the tongue that pairs well with my mom's name Alma. Bonus if the name has a cute nickname (I love nicknames)

Okay, so this is going to be a long one. I (31F) have been married to my husband (32M) for 13 years, going on 14 years. We married young. I was 17, and he was 19. (Yes, I know that's crazy young) My husband, i will call him (" hubs " in this post) has 2 brothers. I will refer to his brothers as ( "John" and "zack"). Hubs is the oldest of the three boys. Zack is the second oldest brother (26 M), and John is the youngest brother (24M).
For years, I have had issues with zack. He has continually bullied me in the past. I used to have a lazy eye (I've had surgery to correct it), and he would make fun of it. Asking me which eye i was looking at him with. I have 3 kids, and before I started working again, he made a recommendation to me while having him as a guest at my home.. the recommendation was that I get up and give my chair to my husband so he can sit and relax because he "actually works." As a teen ( he was 17ish), he shoulder checked me (HARD) into a brick wall while I was pregnant with my second daughter. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I lived with my in-laws for a while, and he would make up lies about me to "get his way" with his parents. Stupid lies. Like I was hogging the TV remote, or I was being "mean" to him. Because he is their child and they did not know me well, of course they believed him. Since then, it's been non-stop little things. And jokes that are very distasteful and inappropriate. (No im not a karen these jokes were concerning sex or race and he would say them around my young children) (they are no longer allowed around zack without me or hubs present due to this issue) These things continued to happen up till about 3 or 4 years ago.
My husband's family has regular family gatherings. For every holiday, and in-between the holidays birthdays. For YEARS, I have continued to go despite me being uncomfortable. I respect Hubs mom and grandmother a lot. I also have a good relationship with them. So, to keep the peace, I just dealt with it. That is until my 30th birthday. I then decided that I wouldn't sacrifice my peace on every holiday ect to make someone else happy. So I told my husband's mom that I would only be attending 1 or 2 a year because I no longer wanted to be put in uncomfortable situations.
Zack found out about this. I'm assuming his parents told him. He called and apologized to me. Altho I do forgive him. I don't trust him. So I still don't go much. (Also, zack had been a lot better... untill now)
Rewind a bit..
Now to the SIL Zack got married a few years ago. We will call his now wife "jan" (24F). Jan is 3 months older than the youngest brother John. Despite my distaste for zack, I have tried to keep the peace with Hubs' family. I didn't want to be the cause of family issues. So when I found out about Jan, I had her and zack over. The first time I met Jan, she "scoffed" at me. I joke around with hubs a lot. I call him "baby daddy." We were standing in my kitchen, and I said, "Hey baby, Daddy, can you hand me my drink?" she looks over and scoffs and rolls her eyes at me. Again.. this is our first meeting and we are in MY house. As time passes, she does this quite often. A few years ago, I got breast augmentation, and I was honest about it. I didn't hide it. After three kids and breastfeeding, I wanted to love my body again, and I felt I needed to normalize things like this. (Also, I didn't get them huge.. not that it would matter if I did but for context in 5'4 145 lbs my bottom half is "thicker" so dr said larger implants would "even me out" i got DD's and they do look Portionate) Well I was passing zack and Jan at hubs grandmother's house I over heard them laughing about it. (I don't remember their exact words) Then after that, I found out from other family members that she was going around talking bad about me and my augmentation behind my back.
After that happened, my children went to my mother in laws house. ( zack and Jan moved next door to them), and Jan went to MIL house with her four-wheeler. Then Jan and FIL let my (at the time 11 year old) son get on without an adult with no prior experience and without our knowledge and with no gear. He drove it around the property. I found out about this, and hubs spoke to his parents and let them know that we were not comfortable with that. I called Jan and politely told her that we don't like him on things like that by himself. (My hubs best friend died on something similar when he was 15) and asked that the next time she would call to ask, and maybe we could at least get protective gear for it. She snapped at me and wouldn't let me finish my statement, and with an attitude said "okay I get it, you're the parent," and hung up.
Following this there was also a family wedding that she was very rude at. John got married to a lovely and sweet girl. I will call her lisa. Mine and jans kids were both hin johns and lisas' wedding. So we were in the room with lisa and the bridesmaids. Jan was so rude that the bridesmaids in the wedding noticed. However, Im really close to John and really do see him as my brother. So I kept my mouth shut and held it together because I didn't want to start anything on his wedding day.
Fast forward to now
We recently had a family get-together. I don't go often, as i stated above. But I haven't seen the family in a while (and I am really close to them) so I decided to go. Zack was working, so he wasn't there, but Jan and her two kids were. Lisa and I talked for a while (we are close and get along great!) then I talked to the rest of the family a bit. Jan walked past me and said hi, so to keep things cordial, I smiled andnsaid hi. But that's all I said to her while I was there. When I left, I hugged everyone goodbye (not jan).
A while later, I got a phone call from another family member saying that zack called them ranting about how jan told him i was mean to her. How I didn't hug her goodbye and accusing me of trying to "steal lisa." (Like you can steal a human being 🤦🏻‍♀️) Then zack told this family member that if I continued, he was going to go back to his "old ways."
I'm taken aback by this. I do not want a relationship with zack or Jan because I don't think they are good people. They have both been constant drama and just distasteful. Zack had gotten better, but now this... and still... Why would I want a relationship with them. Or go out of my way to physically hug someone who is hateful to me? Also, i don't even go to most of the family gatherings. How am I trying to steal the other sister in law? Lisa and I hung out outside of the family because we bonded. I even spoke at their wedding. This was already known information. Why would it be weird that I talk to her? I get that jan may feel left out, but in my opinion, you can't make your bed out of rocks and then be upset that it's not comfortable... why should i once again have to make myself uncomfortable to please her? Or them? Jan claims that she just wants a relationship with me (she didn't tell me this. She told another family member)(and this was the same day she and zack call a different family member to rant about how mean i am), but i think she just likes playing games. Because if she did, she wouldn't treat me the way she continues to. (Also, I'm not the only one who notices the way she has treated me) I think she wants to be a victim 🤷🏻‍♀️ Most of the other family members understand my POV. But some think I should "give her a chance," but i do not understand the logic of jan and zack. And i do not have a desire to have any form of a relationship with them.
AITA For not wanting to involve myself with her and her husband? What do I do? If I don't go to any family functions, I'm letting them control me. So I'm definitely not doing that, but what other options are there?
Also, NOTE- My husband hates zack and Jan. He is on my side with this. Also, sorry for any typos. I wanted a biased opinion on this, and I'm about to have to leave for work, so I typed fast 😅

Hey all, at least once a day there seems to be a post in this subreddit complaining about the quality of matches or teammates. In those posts there seems to be a split on whether or not there is a problem or player behavior is justified. I'm going to leave most of my opinions at the end of this post, but from my point of view it's obvious that there is a problem that is clearly illustrated by how often players choose to forfeit, but most players are unwilling or even mentally blocking themselves from the idea that they might be part of the problem. I had already taken up note taking in video games as I played Dark Souls for the first time, so I decided to continue this when I came back to Rocket League and record stats and tallies by hand of instances when my teammates vote to forfeit.
​
For context, all of these matches were in the 3v3 competitive playlist from the Diamond 1 to Diamond 2 range. I wanted to come up with a system that made it easy to record quickly during games, so I kept tallies of the basic stats in the first table, and in terms of forfeiting I recorded the time of the first vote, the score, and notes (things I wanted to keep track of but ultimately didn't deserve their own tallies). Right off the bat we can see that it only took 311 matches for me to reach 100 instances of forfeiture, this means almost one third of my games are going to include a teammate forfeiting. Out of those 100 times where a teammate voted to forfeit, 34 times also included the teammate idling or hard throwing. That means almost 1 out of every 9 matches I played was ruined solely by someone on my team not playing the game as intended. It's also extremely important to note that I only recorded instances of this happening on my team. I'm making the assumption that all of this happens at a slightly higher rate on the other team because I personally don't vote to forfeit or throw my matches.
​
Here are the results of what I recorded:
​

Games played	Wins	Losses	Vote to ff?	idle or hard throw?	OTW (includes W)	OTL (includes L)
311	153	158	100	34	31	27

​

	Time left at first vote	Score	Notes
1	0:07	2-1
2	0:37	3-1	toxic in text
3	0:42	3-2
4	3:30	3-0	immediate throw after ff vote
5	2:23	3-0
6	0:07	4-0
7	1:25	up 2-0	conceded immediately after, still won
8	0:35	2-1
9	0:47	4-1
10	1:42	2-2	led whole game then lost
11	2:51	4-1	toxic in text
12	1:26	4-1
13	1:28	3-0
14	3:20	3-0	mid-play vote, teammate threw
15	2:58	2-0
16	2:00	3-0
17	3:17	4-0	teammate quit at 2-0 with 4:00 remaining, ff accepted
18	2:23	2-0
19	0:14	4-2
20	0:15	3-1
21	3:22	3-0	player left the match
22	1:30	4-0
23	3:30	4-1	almost came back
24	3:22	3-0
25	1:07	5-1	teammate left match
26	1:50	3-0
27	1:20	3-0	teammate left immediately after ff vote
28	0:45	3-1
29	2:34	4-3
30	1:55	1-0	mid-play
31	0:36	3-1
32	0:23	5-1
33	2:27	3-0
34	1:26	4-0
35	3:26	1-1	was leading, teammate quit immediately after ff vote
36	2:02	2-2	OT win, teammate voted mid-play
37	1:37	2-1	voted as the enemy team ball rolled into goal to be 3-1
38	0:45	3-1
39	1:08	2-0	mid-play, teammate later left match
40	2:55	3-1
41	2:41	4-0
42	0:52	2-2	mid-play, other team eventually won, teammate left early
43	0:24	5-1
44	0:44	3-3	ff vote @ them tying, we won
45	1:52	up 4-1	ff when other team first scored, we won, this is the only ff vote i feel bad about including here
46	0:09	3-1
47	1:04	3-0	immediate throw after ff vote
48	0:54	3-1
49	0:03	5-3	mid-play
50	0:15	3-1
51	0:07	2-4
52	0:15	0-1	mid play, idle after vote
53	1:49	3-1	was told to kms by probably the only player that got banned during this experiment
54	0:21	3-1
55	2:47	2-1	all downhill after one bad goal
56	0:50	5-1	idle after vote, still got one goal back
57	1:02	4-0	made it 2-4, one guy seemed IRL distracted during portions of the match
58	0:02	5-1	teammate idled and quit after opponent scored a quick goal in 5 seconds. remaining teammate and I played the 2v3
59	0:32	2-4
60	0:06	4-2	mid-play vote, then we conceded, game took longer to end because of the goal and replays than if we'd just played it out
61	0:06	3-1
62	2:20	3-0	teammate threw then left at 4-0
63	2:40	3-0	team played worse after ff vote, 7-1 final
64	3:15	4-0	teammate threw
65	0:15	2-1
66	3:22	3-0
67	2:51	2-0	teammate quit at 2:23 3-0
68	0:06	2-4
69	0:55	4-0
70	2:40	2-0	mid-play, both teammates quit at 2:05 3-0
71	0:01	3-3	mid-play, won in OT
72	2:03	4-0	idle before and after ff vote
73	1:06	3-5
74	2:00	3-3	won in OT
75	1:42	3-0
76	2:25	3-1	first 2 goals because teammate was idle
77	1:26	3-0
78	2:58	1-0
79	2:46	1-0	mid-play, we won 4-2
80	1:52	5-0
81	2:24	4-0	teammate left after we scored to make game 4-1
82	1:24	2-0
83	0:06	3-1
84	0:44	2-4
85	0:35	3-1
86	2:50	0-0	mid-play, we won 4-1
87	1:07	3-2	we won 4-3 in OT
88	0:11	2-0
89	0:32	3-1
90	1:12	3-0	teammate quit at 4-0 0:47
91	0:15	1-0
92	0:36	2-0
93	0:53	3-1
94	1:46	3-0
95	3:18	3-1
96	0:17	3-1
97	2:29	3-0	idle and quit after 4-0
98	2:23	4-4	losing 3-0 at 4:15, ff vote at tying goal, one teammate goading the other to ff in chat, we won 5-4
99	0:49	2-2	won in OT
100	1:38	3-0

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As an information dump, here are some of the statistics I found interesting with these instances of forfeiting.
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• The median time when forfeits were first voted on was 1:25.5 left on the clock. 34 times there were 2 or more minutes left, and 10 times there were 3 or more minutes left
• 60 votes occurred with a 2 goal or less deficit, an additional 15 votes occurred at a 3 goal deficit
• 18 votes occurred with 15 seconds or less on the clock. 4 times the deficit was 1 goal, 11 times the deficit was 2, and one vote occurred in a tie game
• 19 votes occurred with between 30 seconds and 1 minute on the clock, 16 of those votes were a 2 goal or less deficit
• 27 votes occurred with between 1 and 2 minutes left on the clock, 11 times the deficit was 2 or less, 11 more times the deficit was exactly 3
• 44 votes occurred while my team was getting shut out
• 10 matches with votes were won, but this includes the only "joke" ff, 2 games where we were leading and 7 when we were tied. In other words, every game where I was losing at the moment and a teammate voted to ff was lost
• 10 votes happened as the other team tied the game, we lost 3 (see above)

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I'm pretty terrible when it comes to Excel/Google Sheets, but if anyone wants to mess around with this data set to find any other cool stats I'd be very interested.
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My Thoughts
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My original purpose when I started to keep track of my games was to try and prove that most games when my teammates vote to forfeit are still winnable, but I no longer feel that is the case, although for different reasons than I expected. Now, I feel like a lot of matches are lost the moment my teammate voted to forfeit either because of the idling/hard throwing, or because of what I perceive as passive throwing by my teammates. I never recorded "passive throwing" because there isn't a reliable way to do so, but a lot of the time it feels like certain players are mentally out of the game once they've hit that vote to forfeit button. Those players make a habit out of forfeiting, which causes them to lose the ability to see a path to victory in matches that are winnable (example: 4-1 with 1:30 on the clock), and this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where a large portion of the player population just doesn't see the value in playing matches where they are more likely to lose than win.
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I don't expect most people to have the self-awareness to realize the self fulfilling prophecy they've created, which is why I believe something has to be done to restrict or remove players ability to forfeit in competitive and tournament playlists. Personally, I never plan on forfeiting and I don't want to know when my teammates have voted for it. Why isn't there an option for me to disable the "vote to forfeit" text on my HUD just like people do with quick chat? Additionally, I think one good idea would be to only allow players the ability to initiate a vote a certain number of times per day, and disable the option entirely in tournaments. I didn't record my tournament games on paper, but several times my team would win 3-4 games, go down by 2 goals in the next game, and then one of my teammates votes to ff and checks out of the game. It's ridiculous that this kind of thing happens so regularly in game modes that are advertised as "competitive". I don't want to pretend like I know the perfect solution, I just think in the game's current state it is far too easy for players to give up, and barriers need to be put in place to keep games competitive, therefore something has to change.
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I know a lot of people will believe players will act this way even if forfeiting wasn't an option, but I think the option of an easy way out affects mentally weak players' gameplay in matches where they are losing. I played Overwatch for many years, a game where matches are much longer and forfeiting is not an option. That game can be toxic as hell, but I've never seen the amount of throwing or giving up in Overwatch that I do in Rocket League. Even when Blizzard was having problems with people leaving quickplay matches after one lost fight, I rarely saw people stop trying in competitive matches just because they got their ass kicked in round 1. In Overwatch, there was a sense of commitment once you got into a competitive match that straight up doesn't exist in Rocket League. I believe the fact that forfeiting has never been an option in Overwatch and always an option in Rocket League has contributed to how willing players are to give up in these respective games. To me, there really isn't ever a good reason to forfeit in RL, but there are still instances that are more ridiculous than others. 22 times my team voted to forfeit with under 30 seconds on the clock, and 18 of those times the deficit was 2 goals or less. Why wouldn't you play out 30 seconds or less just to see if you can get 2 goals? The worst that can happen is it takes you less than 30 seconds to get into a new game, in the best case you might be able to get a goal at the kickoff and then a 0 second goal to go to OT. Yet so many players in this community would rather deny themselves an opportunity for something amazing just because it isn't likely to happen, even when the time cost is absolutely minimal.
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I hope that this post inspires some discussion and helps players realize how detrimental habitual forfeiting is in modes that want to call themselves "competitive". I also want to tell the players who want to play out every game that you don't owe anyone on either team a forfeit if you don't want to. I know a lot of people feel pressured when someone tells them to forfeit or when they see 2 teammates vote for it, but any reason you want to play out a game is valid, even if you're getting destroyed 10-0 and just want to get one goal. 5 minutes + replays is not an unreasonable time commitment and if anyone tries to pressure you into forfeiting, they aren't worth considering. I hope this can change in the future, because I want to be put on teams that want to try and overcome a 3 goal deficit, and I want to play against teams the make me fight to hold a 3 goal lead. Instead we have a community that is hyper focused on trying to determine when a match isn't worth effort anymore, and competitive playlists and tournaments have suffered because of it. This makes me sad because Rocket League is so simple and elegant that I consider it to be one of the best multiplayer games ever made, but this community-created problem is big enough where it makes me want to play other games.
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TL;DR Habitual forfeiting is a major problem in Rocket League, and I hope we can actually have an honest conversation about it