(Danny)
Check
I be suckin on his toes
All this cock and no hoes
Can not wait to stuff it
Like it’s nothin’ in his bootyhole
Got that homo cummin loads
Slobbin on his missle, yo
Make him cum all on me
Suckin cock, cock all 24
Hours, rubbin on his chode
Mouth all on his genitals
Sucking dick, like i’m getting vitamins and minerals
Make his penis feel tickled then jerk him till his cock explodes
Rolling in the bed with bro
I be giving him those O’s
When my buddy gonna blow, be sucking on his peen, whore
Stokin him from head to toe, recording so the world can know
Use to throat his testicals, then choked on them on the last soung (song)
still posting our sex for dough
Don’t beleive?, then go follow
breakingbacksten to see us slobbin chubs and trying to not blow
Now a homo sucking wood
Follow my OF, it’s good
Wanna lick my crack?
Then slip me a 50, understood?
(Drick)
I say this orgy’s hotter than a fire
I ain’t booming, i’m fucking guys, woah
I’m fucking bros, fucking bros
I say this orgy’s hotter than a fire
I ain’t booming, i’m fucking guys, woah
I’m fucking bros, fucking bros
(Ab-Soul)
Still licking that gay mister
All my homos know the smell
For heaven’s sake he gives me throat
All you straighies can go to hell
Fucking on my honey’s big ol’, penis til’ it’s runny
I’mma lick that asshole and somtimes i don’t feel like a male
In seventh grade, took my momma’s g string, wore that bitch to
Go get railed, now i’m dressing like a dame, like a female
on hrt for like a month, Republicans can go get fucked
I’m hotter than your fucking slut, but now i’m feeling brighter
With ambitions of a designer, half the shit i’ve been rhyming, it’s nonchalant
The dildo’s for us, the condoms for my butt (chyeah)
I’m bouncing up an down on his tip, unlocked his cock cage now i can lick up on his dick
Paid by you bums, cash raised by my tits
I’m a hoe, i’m sloppity, cocktrocities, sexhibition
Oh yeah, a lady livin’ good
But good could be better i want to slob on kendrick’s wood
(Drick)
Yeah, she says she wants my dick, don’t deny her
I ain’t booming, i’m not into guys but
She ain’t one tho, ain’t one tho
Yeah, she says she wants my dick, don’t deny her
I ain’t booming, i’m not into guys but
She ain’t one tho, ain’t one tho
(Drick)
Got a real appetite for dick right there, i double dare your wife to make me came before the doordash here,
See i can hear you moaning
Riding in the dark
Fuckin bussy till it fart
Bought some condoms at Walmart
Wait a sec, my dick soft
Cummin thousands, dick not arousing
Things a homo shoot in that hand
Before you had to stroke my meat
Came too quick, so no roughousing
Taking off my condom, “sorry
I just have a quick timer, you see
Didn’t mean to cum so quick-ly”
“I don’t care, just keep fucking on me”
Already cum, you slide right on
Stick it in, man you the baddest
Got me off, wipe it off the cum on mattress
Baby powder, not gay dude
My cock cannot fit in cages
Not into kink shit, just get naked
My dick just love love making
I blew my semen in faces
You moved the action to the basement
Real dark, still gonna enjoy it
Lights on, got’s whips and some pain shit
This bitch got me in her kinky playset
That dildo hurtin’, penis squirtin’ that bussy be her gift
Ayy, then we start screwin’
Ayy, she genderfluid
Ayy, gay thot, four years without man’s cock
That’s man’s crotch but that bitch fire
Ate anus, slide inside
Fucking men, now I’m bi
When i’m done is whe my peen thumps uh
Artist's interpretation:
So in my previous parody of XXX, I todl the story of a gay couple who makes money off of Only fans. This story is continued with Danny playing the part of the gay cuck, Ab-Soul playig the now genderfluid top and Kendrick Lamar as himself. Sorry for now Earl verse, I have a life to live. Also this was written way before like that came out so no Drake references. love you guys <3

I’ve been having discharge recently 3 to 4 days a week 5 drops maybe first was after pooping now even with out, I tested full std panel 1 month and 3 months after oral exposure all negatives even urine culture is clear, this exposure got me real stressed I suffered a lot, but every time I try to calm my self I notice the discharge and I’m stressed all over again, it’s really playing with my head, I don’t know what to believe, is it possible that pcr test missed the infection, or it’s prostatitis symptom, I’m afraid to sleep with anyone now fearing to infect someone else.
Are those tests accurate, is there any other way to make sure it’s not std discharge other then the tests I had?
No burning after peeing or cumming, Pain on tip of pines and testicals occasionally

I'm back to being fashionably late as usual. This chapter is longer than the others, hence the longer wait. As always, enjoy.
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The Nature of Predators Universe was originally created by .
Chapter Nine: Grounding and Pounding the Medic
Memory Transcription Subject: Raksim
Date [standardized human time]: October 29th, 2136
Humans are a fascinating species. At some point in their history, they found it practical and reasonable to affix edged weapons to their firearms and stab their enemies with them. Even more interestingly, this practice persisted into the era of easily reloaded automatic weapons. If the average Federation citizen had learned of these facts, they would have taken them as further evidence of humanity’s beastly and savage nature. On the contrary, I think bayonets are quite clever.
Guns have power, but pulling the trigger is the only way it becomes actualized. By putting a blade on the end of a firearm, one can visualize that power without putting a bullet in someone. Thus, I would prefer a gun with a blade at its end to one without, because it's better at instilling fear. And fear has many non-lethal applications.
Adding a bayonet to a flamethrower remained an unexplored concept, even for humans. I suspect it would be superior to all other weapons when it came to terrorizing arxur.
As Vil was currently demonstrating, all one needed to terrorize her was to place a weapon within her sight. She was shaking at the knees and staring at the blade on the end of her rifle, like it was going to lash out and sink its teeth into her.
She was one of the twenty or so soldiers we separated from the rest of the platoon for bayonet training. They were arranged in a column. The alien members of the platoon had a human on either side of them, allowing them to simply look to their right or left for guidance.
Each soldier had a thin piece of plywood in front of them, cut into the same shape as the torso targets we used on the gun range—a crude imitation of an actual opponent. Simple wooden stands held the bayonet targets upright, and stakes driven into the ground prevented them from moving easily when acted upon.
I drummed my talons on the back of Vil’s helmet as I stalked behind her, causing her to jump. “Be sure to pay attention while you’re panicking,” I whispered to her.
The black venlil’s tail lashed with annoyance, but she remained silent and brought her attention back to the drill sergeants, who were currently demonstrating the proper way to use a bayonet. In a reversal of our usual roles, Isaac and Nedelin were shadowing me, quietly watching and evaluating how I was treating their subordinates.
The Lieutenant leaned close to Vil’s helmet and spoke in a hushed tone. “Do you need to take a minute, Private?”
“No!” She said it a little too forcefully before correcting herself. “No, sir. I-I can do this.” There was a glimmer of determination in her eyes that I hadn’t ever seen before. Or she was trying not to cry. I certainly couldn’t tell.
Isaac nodded and carried on with his task of looming over me.
The drill sergeants’ lecture didn’t seem to be coming to an end anytime soon, so I began taking stock of the familiar faces in this part of the platoon, for no other reason than to ease my boredom.
The first person I recognized besides Vil was Kaero, one of our two yotul medics. The main object of Isaac’s attention when we reviewed her and Daego’s documents was the fact that they were denied entry to a medical school on Colia, despite their experience. What earned my scrutiny were the numerous reports of ‘aggression’ Kaero had on her record. Her younger sister’s papers mentioned the same thing, but it seemed to be much less of a problem for her. If I had to speculate, Kaero was the more hot-headed one, and Daego was the one that kept her in line.
The next soldier I took notice of was Sergeant Iosif Fyodorov. His nose was his most immediately obvious feature. Someone or something broke it several times, creating a crook in it. Next came his knuckles–heavily calloused from years of fighting. When he snarled, he revealed his most distinguishing trait. Silvery implants replaced several of his teeth. His file mentioned a human combative sport known as bare-knuckle boxing. Isaac explained it to me. It’s no wonder he had so many ghastly features from participating in it.
The final person I recognized was a head taller than the others in the platoon and twice as muscular. When Isaac first laid eyes upon the man, he dubbed him “the True Successor to Genghis Khan” and “the Mongolian Superman.” I had no idea what either of those things meant, but I was sure that they were comments on the man-in-question’s impressive physique. Temujin was the moniker he answered to, but whether that was his actual name remained unclear, primarily because he very suspiciously refused to speak a single word to anyone. All we were able to gather from his profile was that he was born in Mongolia and moved a thousand [kilometers] to Russia for some unexplained reason. Due to his extremely sparse documentation, both me and Isaac speculated that it had something to do with criminal activity.
My accounting of people came to an end at a perfect moment. The drill sergeants finally finished talking about bayonets and were moving on to actually using them. One of them shouted orders, while the other two kept a keen eye out for mistakes. “Assume a fighting stance! Just like we showed you!”
The men positioned themselves with their knees bent and the blades of their weapons pointed forward.
A sergeant immediately marched up to Kaero and shoved her, causing her to stumble backwards. “That’s why we keep our feet apart, Medic! Do it right this time!”
The yotul’s tail twitched with vexation. She complied nonetheless while shouting, “Yes, drill sergeant!”
He pushed her again without warning. She was able to maintain her footing this time.
The sergeant nodded with satisfaction and moved on. He skipped over the human who was next in line and went straight to Vil, grabbing the barrel of her rifle and jerking it upward so her bayonet was at an inclined angle instead of level. “What’re you gonna stab ‘em in the dick!? Point your weapon at your opponent’s torso!”
Vil’s face turned slightly orange with embarrassment. “Yes, drill sergeant!”
The second drill sergeant started his task at the other end of the line. He walked right past several humans before suddenly turning on his heel to face a gojid. The alien’s quills flared as he scrutinized him. “Where are your hands supposed to be, Private!?” The sergeant asked in a threatening tone.
The gojid looked down at his rifle and quickly moved one set of claws from the weapon's pistol grip to the stock. “On the foregrip and stock, drill sergeant!”
The sergeant sneered at him. “Good. Keep ‘em there, or I’ll break your wrist myself.”
The gojid’s eyes widened. “Yes, drill sergeant!”
Once the first two had finished with their duties, the third and final drill sergeant called the soldiers to attention. “When I give the signal, you are going to engage your enemy like they’re coming to kill you! Is that understood?!”
Everyone on the line replied with a simultaneous “Yes, drill sergeant!”
He drew in a breath. The men tensed and prepared to deliver a deadly blow to their simulated opponents.
“Engage!”
The humans let out a full-bodied warcry and lunged forward, driving their bayonets through the thin wood torsos before them. The nonhumans were startled by the sudden noise and didn’t even touch their enemy.
Their sergeants immediately enacted their standard contingency plan for when their orders weren’t followed: become irate and start yelling. One of them smelled Vil’s weakness and immediately honed in on her. “The fuck is wrong with you, Shortcake?! Are you too damn scared to defend yourself?!”
The venlil used a trembling paw to wipe tears out of her eyes. “I-I’m sorry, drill sergeant. I-”
“If you don’t kill that asshole,” he pointed at the plywood torso, “he’s going to kill you and all your adorable alien buddies! Are you going to let him do that, Private?!”
“What?! No! I-”
I rolled my eyes and moved in between them. “There is no need to explain yourself, Vil. Just listen to your instructors.” I turned an eye toward the sergeant. “And with all due respect to you, you’re not going to get through to this venlil by shouting at her. She’s much too timid for the time being. What you need is a more tactful approach.”
I turned to fully face Vil. “Are you afraid?”
Isaac stared daggers at me from behind the venlil. I winked at him to assuage his concerns. Nedelin, who was to the Lieutenant’s left, groaned contemptuously at his words coming out of my beak.
“H-how many times do I have to say I’m afraid?” Vil said it with surprising spitefulness in her voice.
I leaned closer to her and spoke with a low growl. “I’d like to hear it just one more time.”
“I-I’m afraid,” Vil shakily admitted, with hate and tears in her eyes.
“Why are you afraid?”
“I-I don’t want to hurt someone.”
“Then you’ve made a very poor career choice.” I glanced at Isaac. “But seeing as I can’t dispose of you, I tell you this: you should want to hurt your enemy to protect yourself and your friends. Or, at the very least, you should be indifferent to their suffering.”
“What about predator disease?” she meekly asked.
A small laugh emanated from within my chest. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re on Earth. There are no exterminators, PD facilities, or meek and scared masses to judge you. Stabbing that piece of wood is consequence-free. Now, do it.”
Vil leveled her rifle and bayonet at the torso in front of her. Every part of her was shaking, but her legs stopped for just a moment as they tensed and prepared to lunge forward. An anxious silence settled on her fellow soldiers as they watched.
She lowered her bayonet suddenly. It pointed at the ground–a useless position that barred her from attacking or defending. “I can’t,” she whispered tearfully.
“Even in this land of opportunity, you can’t rise to the occasion.” I brought my beak close to her ear. “Because you're a coward, Vil, and a disappointment.”
The venlil’s gaze slowly met mine as I leaned back. She wanted to kill me at that moment–skewer me with the blade at the end of her weapon–and I could see it in the fiery orange globes she used to see the world. But she did nothing as I walked away, as a coward is apt to do. If she tried, it wouldn’t be hard to pierce the soft flesh of her neck and sever the veins within.
Isaac gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “You need to take a minute.”
The venlil descended into an argument with her Lieutenant and Platoon Sergeant, but I paid no attention to them and let them fade into the background. If Isaac and Nedelin wanted to continue wasting time and resources on her, that was their choice, and I had no say in it. I could only hope that they would eventually realize that she didn’t belong here.
I skipped over the next person in line and went straight to Kaero. “Please show me you’re more competent than her.”
The yotul looked down at me contemptuously before shrugging with her tail and lazily stabbing the target in front of her. The blade only went part way through.
“I expect a primitive to handle a spear better than that. Do it again, with more effort!”
The yotul gritted her teeth and gripped her weapon so tight that the plastic furniture on it creaked. She plunged her weapon through the torso and then some, cracking the entire thing down the middle.
“Good.”
As I moved on to the next alien in line, Vil’s dispute with her superiors became more heated.
“No!” the venlil shouted. “I don’t want to sit this out! I can do this!”
“It is not sitting out,” Nedelin reassured. “It is just small break.”
“No!”
The Lieutenant spoke firmly and slowly. “Vil, you’re taking a break. Now.”
“No!”
“Are you a fucking child?” Isaac asked. “I’m not asking. Take a break or–”
Crack!
I quickly turned to the source of the noise, expecting to find that Vil had done something very foolish. Instead, I found her in a lunge with her bayonet halfway through her plywood opponent.
“So, you can do it?” I asked while marching toward her.
The venlil stuttered dumbly. “Y-yes, sir. I–”
“Shut up and listen for once in your life,” I snapped, finally bringing her to silence. “You’re smaller than others, so you’ll have to put more of your weight into it. Again!”
After a moment of hesitation, Vil extracted her bayonet and attacked a second time. The blade penetrated all the way to the hilt.
“Well done. That’s all I was asking of you.”
Vil looked down at the weapon in her paws. “That’s it?”
“All that drama seems childish now, doesn’t it?”
The venlil looked down. Her face took on an orange hue as she did.
“Remember what Nedelin taught you; do what you’re told, and your time here will be much less difficult.”
With that, I turned and passed over Kaero to the next alien in line, a gojid. Having learned from those before him, he performed a nearly perfect bayonet lunge on his first try. The one after him did the same, and so on until I reached the last alien in line.
One of the drill sergeants cleared his throat. I turned one of my eyes toward them. All three were looking at me like they wanted to pluck my feathers and turn me into a new pillow. They clearly didn’t appreciate their training regiment being interrupted. I bowed, yielding control back to them, and I rejoined Isaac and Nedelin.
“That's your definition of tact!?” The Lieutenant asked.
“My method may not have been as kind or gentle as our Platoon Sergeant’s, but it delivered results, didn’t it?”
He stared at me for a moment. “I guess it did,” he eventually admitted with a twitch in his eye.
A quiet came over the three of us as the sergeants continued their work. They drilled the soldiers until they fell into rhythm–stabbing their bayonet deep into the torso in front of them, extracting their blade, and repeating. Vil lagged slightly behind her comrades, but, now that she was willing to actually try, she was slowly getting better.
Nedelin broke the silence between us by lighting a cigarette and asking a question. “Do they have bayonets in Federation? They would be useful for fighting arxur.”
I laughed. “No, anyone who came up with such an idea would be thrown into a PD facility.”
“It seems like you guys put people in there just for looking at someone wrong,” Isaac commented while waving the Platoon Sergeant's smoke away from his face.
“You joke, but we can and do. They’re called snout-pointers.”
He shook his head. “What the fuck is wrong with the Federation?”
I couldn’t resist laughing again. “You don’t even know half of it.”
Isaac, Nedelin, and I continued observing our soldiers’ training. Vil fell into perfect synchronization with the others, stabbing, extracting, and repeating until the form and technique became second nature to her. After a few more [minutes], Isaac spoke to his Platoon Sergeant. “Unload the pugil sticks and gear. They’re ready for the real training now.”
Nedelin replied with a simple “Yes, sir,” before setting off on his task. He pulled two humans off the line for assistance and brought them to the primitive combustion-powered trucks that carried most of our equipment here.
“I’m glad your instruction doesn’t end with stabbing pieces of wood,” I commented.
Isaac snarled. “Don’t get too excited; the next part is just beating each other with sticks.”
I looked toward Nedelin and his helpers. They were already coming back from the trucks, arms laden with equipment. I recognized padded gloves and helmets in what they carried, but what piqued my curiosity was what I presumed to be the ‘pugil sticks’ the Lieutenant spoke of. They were simple, but robust, plastic rods with bulbous cushioning on either end. One of their ends was colored red, and the other end was colored black. Two gaps in the cushioning made it possible to wield it like a spear.
“Not as sophisticated as I hoped, but this will certainly be entertaining,” I chuckled.
“Somehow, I knew you would say that.”
Nedelin and his assistants dropped what they carried not far from me and Isaac. When the drill sergeants noticed the new equipment, they called the men to attention and gave orders. “Put down your weapons and wait for further instruction from your Lieutenant!”
They complied by leaning their rifles against the wooden torsos in front of them and lining up in front of Isaac.
“In a real bayonet fight, your opponent isn’t going to stand still like those targets.” Isaac propelled one of the pugil sticks into the air with his foot and caught it with his hands. “These will help you simulate a more true-to-life scenario where your enemy fights back.”
The fear and apprehension that played over the alien platoon members’ faces brought me immense joy.
Isaac continued, “It’s as simple as you think. The red side represents the blade at the end of your weapon; the black end is your weapon’s stock. Swing them at each other, touch your opponent with the red end, and the match ends. Would any of you aliens like to go first?”
They all made various gestures and noises in the negative.
“Maybe some of the Russians would like to put on a demonstration?”
Sergeant Fyodorov raised his hand and flashed his silver teeth. “I will go first.”
“Who wants to be his sparring partner?” Isaac asked.
Temujin, the enormous Mongolian, volunteered by stepping forward.
Fyodorov muttered “Fuck” under his breath, eliciting laughter from the other Russians.
Both of them came forward and geared up–exchanging their ballistic helmets for ones with more padding, putting on the gloves, and taking up the pugil sticks. The drill sergeants picked out a particularly grassy patch of ground at the edge of the forest that surrounded us for their bout, presumably to reduce the chance of injuries. The other soldiers formed a half-circle around the two participants, defining the boundaries of their arena.
The sparring match began with a sharp whistle from Isaac–a noise I didn’t know humans were capable of. Temujin surged forward and used his pugil stick as a battering ram, throwing Fyodorov to his back. Then he delivered a killing blow with the crimson end of his weapon.
“You want us to do that?!” Vil asked with alarm.
Sergeant Nedelin stepped into the ring and helped the defeated soldier to his feet. “There is no need to be afraid of this exercise. As you can see, this man is completely unharmed.”
Fyodorov spat on the ground and displayed his middle digit.
Nedelin ignored the gesture and took the pugil stick from him. “And even if you are fighting against large opponent like Temujin, you can still win. But you must use muscle and brain to do it.” He placed himself across the ring from the Mongolian and nodded toward Isaac.
The Lieutenant nodded back and whistled, signaling the beginning of a skirmish.
Temujin charged forward again in an attempt to bowl over Nedelin. The Platoon Sergeant quickly and skillfully stepped to the side and plunged his imaginary bayonet into the Mongolian’s ribs. A simple but effective maneuver.
Isaac spoke next. “Thank you, Sergeant.” He turned to the nonhuman section of the crowd. “Would any of you like to challenge Fyodorov?”
“Why me?!” The Russian protested.
“Because you are easier opponent,” Nedelin said.
Fyodorov resentfully took the pugil stick back, grumbling to himself as he did.
Kaero stood and cracked her knuckles. “I’ll go. He can't be that tough if it’s that easy to put him on the ground.”
The other aliens looked at her like she had proudly and confidently announced that she would like to die that day. Many would explain her boldness by pointing out that she was from a recently uplifted species–primitive was the word people used for them–and was therefore more aggressive. The truth was that yotul did not have fear instilled in them from the moment of their birth. Thus, they were braver than the average Federation citizen, which is why I considered them some of my favorite students. There were also fewer religious freaks among them, meaning they could hold a conversation without bringing up Inatala, the Great Protector, Solgalick, or some other superstitious nonsense.
Temujin handed his protective gear over to Kaero and joined the surrounding crowd. The yotul promptly dressed, armed herself with a pugil stick, and stood across the arena from Fyodorov. She bounced from one foot to the other as she waited for the match to start. The Russian was still and collected, with his eyes firmly trained on his opponent.
The moment Isaac whistled, Kaero sprang forward with the deadly end of her weapon pointed forward. Fyodorov didn't accept defeat this time. He contorted himself out of the way and swung his pugil stick as hard as he could, aiming for his enemy’s head. Kaero ducked at the last possible second and bounced backwards to put distance between herself and her opponent.
The Russian displayed his silver implants. “Slippery little shit.”
Kaero prowled around the edge of the arena. “I win fights by not getting hit. That's why I still have all of these.” She bared her teeth at him in a mocking gesture. It was uncanny to see a prey species smile.
Fyodorov’s face fell, and his glare hardened. Apparently, the yotul had just made this fight a whole lot more personal.
As Kaero circled her opponent, she feinted several times by stepping forward and making it look like she was about to strike, but instead of doing so, she would retreat and twirl in a random direction of her choice. There was an odd rhythm to these movements, like she was dancing to an unheard song. In addition to this pattern, my keen eyes recognized cleverly disguised footwork–small movements that allowed her to exploit openings if they arose, take evasive maneuvers, and control her body weight.
It was a fascinating performance to watch, but Fyodorov remained on guard and focused. He maintained eye contact as the yotul moved around him and occasionally shifted his feet so his weapon was still in a defensive position.
After more prancing about, Kaero suddenly lunged with her fake bayonet, poised to skewer Fyodorov’s gut. The Russian leapt aside and smacked the yotul in the face with the black side of his stick, producing a meaty whack! The yotul’s lower half kept its momentum, and her feet ended up above her head before she fell flat on her back. Kaero tried to recover from her mistake, but Fyodorov ended the match by placing a boot on her chest and putting the deadly end of his pugil stick on her gut.
“Well done, Fyodorov,” Isaac said. “Kaero, 20 push-ups.”
The marsupial sat up and shook her head to alleviate the punch-drunkenness she was no doubt feeling. “Haven’t I taken enough punishment?”
“No, because you’re doing 40 now.”
She let out an exaggerated groan, threw off her padded gear, and started exercising.
The Lieutenant ignored her childish display. “Would anybody else like to volunteer before I start calling people up?”
A black paw slowly rose from among the crowd, accompanied by a small, trembling voice. “I-I would like to go next.”
Isaac’s eyes flicked between Vil and her possible opponents, clearly displaying the debate that was going on inside his head. Eventually, he acquiesced. “Alright, Private, you're up.”
The venlil shakily pointed at Temujin. “I want to go against him… please.”
I had to stifle a laugh.
Isaac shook his head. “Not happening; I’ll pick someone for you.”
Vil meekly lowered her eyes to the ground as her Lieutenant surveyed the possible options. I expected that to be the end of their disagreement, but her tail slowly became more agitated, until it was lashing back and forth with fury. “I thought you wanted me to be brave!” She shouted at Nedelin and Isaac. “But when I try to do that, now you're trying to stop me! What do you want?!”
“There’s a difference between bravery and stupidity, I warned. “Addressing your superiors as you are is very stupid.”.
Vil’s orange eyes flashed with fiery anger. “I’m not stupid! I-I have a plan.”
“You have a plan to beat Temujin?” Isaac asked with incredulity in his voice. “The man who could easily bench press you?”
“Y-yes.”
I leaned closer to him and whispered. “It seems like she’s gaining confidence, Lieutenant. Let’s not squander it by impeding her.”
Isaac sighed. “Alright, get geared up.”
Nedelin’s eyes went wide. “Is that good idea, sir?”
“No, but it’ll teach her to know her limits faster than I ever could.”
The Platoon Sergeant shook his head disapprovingly. “Medic, you will be needed soon.”
“I’ll be ready, sir,” Kaero said through gritted teeth as she did push-ups.
Once Temujin had all the padded gear on, Isaac beckoned him over, speaking low and authoritatively to him. “Don’t hold back, but don’t fucking kill her either, understood?”
The Mongolian’s only response was a quick nod and an affirmative grunt. After that, he moved to his side of the impromptu arena. He looked down at the venlil across from him apologetically.
Vil was shaking uncontrollably. She had to look down at her feet to get her stance right and only pointed her pugil stick at her opponent’s chest once a drill sergeant reminded her.
Once again, the fight began with a whistle, and Temujin rushed forward like a stampeding mazic. As if she were trying to prove her stupidity, Vil stood her ground and made no effort to evade. Just as I was expecting her to be trampled, she lowered herself and aimed her pugil stick right at Temujin’s crotch. By the time the Mongolian realized his error, his entire body weight was hurtling toward the inevitable. All the male spectators cringed in sympathy as the weapon made contact.
Temijun’s sheer momentum threw Vil to the ground. After a second of trying to fight the pain, he fell to his knees and tried not to vomit. The venlil hurriedly picked herself up and drove the red side of her pugil stick into Temujin’s face, knocking the padded helmet off his head and putting him on his side.
Isaac whistled as Vil prepared to deliver another strike. “The match is over, Private!”
She paused mid-action, dropped her pugil stick, and covered her mouth with her padded gloves. “Temujin! I’m so sorry!”
Isaac shouted, “Medic!” but Kaero was already at the Mongolian’s side as he rolled on the ground in pain.
The Lieutenant turned his gaze to Vil. The venlil stared back at him with terror in her eyes. When she was gripped by strong emotions, she looked with both eyes, not just one–a detail I found quite interesting.
“Come here,” Isaac ordered.
She approached, wringing her tail in her paws and shaking. “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what came over me–”
“Good job.”
The venlil froze for a moment. “W-what? What do you mean? I hurt someone!”
“He’s not hurt that bad. Right, Medic?”
Kaero tilted her head away from her Lieutenant and spoke curtly to him, “He’ll live.”
“See?” Isaac said. “In all seriousness, no more testical shots. It's unsportsmanlike.”
Vil wasn’t paying attention to him. She was looking down at her gloved paws. “I was too aggressive… I hurt someone.”
He put a hand on her shoulder. “Vil, aggression, and initiative are what will keep you alive on deployment. As long as you don’t go crazy, you’ll be fine.”
“You did well, Private,” I added. “Perhaps I was wrong. You have some courage in you after all.”
“I don’t feel like I did well.”
“In this line of work, you often don’t,” Isaac said in a way that was meant to be reassuring, but it didn’t have that effect at all. Instead, it caused Vil to stare into the middle distance. In all likelihood, the true gravity of her poor career choice was dawning on her, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
The Lieutenant turned his gaze to the other nonhumans that were present. “All of you need to learn from her example and emulate it.”
Their only response was to share wary looks with each other.
The venlil’s moment of cunning and courage was certainly impressive. But if she was only able to summon it once, she would be of no use to us. “Champion Vil, is there anyone else you would like to challenge, perhaps someone you have a grievance with?”
I could see the venlil’s ears twisting with confusion, even under the padded helmet. Then understanding dawned on her. “I want to challenge you.”
“No, not happening,” Isaac interjected. “She’ll break your fucking hip or something.”
I turned to him with an indignant squawk. “I am not that old!”
“I don’t care; you’re not worth the paperwork if you get hurt.”
I hissed at him but accepted his decision nonetheless. Arguing wasn’t going to be fruitful. It just increased the chances of my skull being smashed against a wooden beam–or a tree, given our current surroundings.
“Can I challenge you then?” Vil asked the Lieutenant.
I already had my suspicions about Isaac being less than impartial towards her, but the way he stiffened and panicked slightly at that question confirmed my theories.
(Continued in comments.)

Just wanted to share my story as it might be helpful for others.
So back mid 2020 (31m) I was lying in bed. Suddenly I get a pain like someone kicked me in the balls (we all know that feeling). I got a dread feeling in my stomach and instantly wanted to stand up wondering what's happening. My left test is the one that's hurting. About 20mins later the pain reduced. I'm a big fan of waiting and seeing as I'm not a big doc fan. I got into the shower and had a scary feel around. I don't normally inspect myself so was unsure what to find, anyway it felt ok.
Next day I was walking but like John Wayne, I tried to walk the dog but it was too painful. About 2 days later I was back to walking better but left wondering what this pain is. So booked in with the doc, but due to covid it was a slow process.
Anyway doc has a feel and said Epididymis. However as I've heath care he will send me for an ultrasound. Got antibiotics for a week but it did not improve that much.
Went for the ultrasound about 6 to 8 weeks later near the end of the year. 2020. Results all good, small cyst but looks to be Epididymis.
From here on the pain is still a dull ache with some shooting pains now and again. Feeling could radiat to my left leg.
So pain goes on and mid 2021 I called back to the doc. He said this pain is normal but to keep wearing supporting underwear etc.
Now pain starts to go away and only come back for a few days at a time. Things looking up.
Jan 2022 I got a blood test just as I never got one before, starting a yearly tradition due to this pain. All comes back ok.
Mid 2022 pain comes back and I just get fed up, I was reading so much online and lots of people say get a second opinion. I used an online doc who just gave me a referral to a consultant urologists.
So mis 2022 I went to the urologists. Of course he had to be a 6.5 German with hands like shovels 🙈 I'm 6' but I felt like a boy. I explained the above and he goes ok sit down and let me check. Like scooping up 2 peanuts with his shovel hands 😄 he had a feel around. He then sat me down to say I have nothing wrong with me and I need to accept that this is just going to be a chronic pain I have to deal with.
2023 Jan. blood test all ok. Doc has a feel, all good. Pain free mostly but still get a full ache or pain every now and again.

1. Mostly good but pain came back again for a week. Booking in for bloods and feel this week.

Anyway over my time with Epididymis I'm more aware of my testicals. Before I had this pain it's like they never existed, now I'm always aware. Anyone else notice this?
Sometimes I think I'm having phantom pains and trying to convince myself it's nothing. Like if you think of back pain you start to feel it.
I've know 2 people who have gotten testical cancer and it scares the crap out of me as I then start to think I have it all this time.
I keep thinking back to what happened to kick it all off. The only thing I can think of is my gf playing a bit more with my testicals during foreplay, not something we would have normally ever done. However the instant pain that night was just me laying on the bed while reading. Then I wonder if a tube got twisted, but the doc says this would be extremely painful and instant.
So that's my story. While I'm good 90% of time time the 10% is a pain in the ass and then back to me worrying it's something worse.
Reading here does help as it shows I'm not alone.

I'm most likely going to get downvoted for this, but I don't care. I just want to Rant/Vent about this community.
For starters, the Toxicity. That's obvious, but this community is so non-beginner friendly. You want to know how to do/get something, so you ask someone here? Well obviously you gotta be some lazy and worthless fuck that's can't possibly comprehend how to do something by themselves because helping new players is just too much for them to do. You think it's slightly unfair how the enemy team is just 1k+ hours players and your team consists of less than 800 hours players? Well obviously you gotta be a salty noob that loves to spam the word tryhard everywhere at the first sight of skill. And then there's people that try to say that "TF2 is beginner friendly!" when they couldn't be more wrong. And that's without going into the racism, transphobia and other stuff.
Another thing I hate is the repetition. This sub/community just LOVES to repeat the same exact jokes over and over again. "Haha, you see guys, the Joke is Gay porn! The joke is sex! The joke is-" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE ORINGINAL. It's the same exact five fucking jokes getting spammed over and over again. And then whenever they see something that wasn't even a joke, people have to turn it into an annoying trend and milk it within a day. "What's that? Someone accidentally misspelt soldier? Well let's turn it into a trend and overuse the joke in a day!" "someone made a hideous scout cosmetic and someone lese brought it up again? Well let's turn him into a graggle simpson spam him everywhere saying that he's a lost character!" And then how actual good works of art only gets like around 100 - 500 upvotes but the one-millionth low quality "What if Heavy's Left-testical was black?" get's 1k upvotes.
Another thing is the hypocrisy. Ya'll love to spam ticktock everywhere, calling Literal Gay Porn the pinnacle of comedy, but the first second ya'll see something like Mimi sentry and everyone starts pissing their pants and starts foaming at the mouth. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS GARBAGE! WHOEVER MADE THIS AND ANYONE THAT LIKES THIS ARE PEDOPHILES AND HAVE TO BE EXECUTED! SEX ISN'T FUNNY !!!1!1!1!"
One more thing I hate is the elitism of this community. TF2 fans Love acting like their game is some perfect masterpiece with absolutely zero flaws and every other game that came after it can never come near it's popularity. TF2 love acting like their game is better than overwatch, valorant, paladins, and games that are barely even close to tf2. Another thing I hate is when people love calling the roblox fan-recreation a "knock-off that Valve HAS to smite off of the face of the earth " Like Valve actually care about this game because it's similar to actual TF2. It's a FAN-RECREATION YOU DUMBASSES OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO BE SIMILAR. That's like calling One Night At Flumpty's or Five Nights At Candy's a "FNAF rip-off that horribly tries to cash off of fnaf's success" as if they aren't fangames. "Oh, but TF2 is free! Just play the actual thing!" YOU'RE STUCK BEHIND A PAYWALL TO SPEAK YOU FUCKING MORONS. Also, The game is filled with bots, haven't gotten a proper update in years, is unbearably toxic and annoying and is really isn't beginner friendly.
TL;DR: This community is stinky and bad, it makes me mad, and I wanted to vent/rant about that.
Also, FUCK PEOPLE THAT PLAY ENGINEER ON KOTH. PL IS TRIGHT THERE, CP IS RIGHT THERE, A/D IS RIGHT THERE, AND CTF IS RIGHT THERE, BUT INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE KOTH. ALL OF THE CLASSES AND SUBCLASSES YOU COULD'VE PLAYED AS, AND YOU CHOOSE ENGINEER, LIKE A BORING FUCK.

I'm most likely going to get downvoted for this, but I don't care. I just want to Rant/Vent about this community.
For starters, the Toxicity. That's obvious, but this community is so non-beginner friendly. You want to know how to do/get something, so you ask someone here? Well obviously you gotta be some lazy and worthless fuck that's can't possibly comprehend how to do something by themselves because helping new players is just too much for them to do. You think it's slightly unfair how the enemy team is just 1k+ hours players and your team consists of less than 800 hours players? Well obviously you gotta be a salty noob that loves to spam the word tryhard everywhere at the first sight of skill. And then there's people that try to say that "TF2 is beginner friendly!" when they couldn't be more wrong. And that's without going into the racism, transphobia and other stuff.
Another thing I hate is the repetition. This sub/community just LOVES to repeat the same exact jokes over and over again. "Haha, you see guys, the Joke is Gay porn! The joke is sex! The joke is-" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE ORINGINAL. It's the same exact five fucking jokes getting spammed over and over again. And then whenever they see something that wasn't even a joke, people have to turn it into an annoying trend and milk it within a day. "What's that? Someone accidentally misspelt soldier? Well let's turn it into a trend and overuse the joke in a day!" "someone made a hideous scout cosmetic and someone lese brought it up again? Well let's turn him into a graggle simpson spam him everywhere saying that he's a lost character!" And then how actual good works of art only gets like around 100 - 500 upvotes but the one-millionth low quality "What if Heavy's Left-testical was black?" get's 1k upvotes.
Another thing is the hypocrisy. Ya'll love to spam ticktock everywhere, calling Literal Gay Porn the pinnacle of comedy, but the first second ya'll see something like Mimi sentry and everyone starts pissing their pants and starts foaming at the mouth. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS GARBAGE! WHOEVER MADE THIS AND ANYONE THAT LIKES THIS ARE PEDOPHILES AND HAVE TO BE EXECUTED! SEX ISN'T FUNNY !!!1!1!1!"
One more thing I hate is the elitism of this community. TF2 fans Love acting like their game is some perfect masterpiece with absolutely zero flaws and every other game that came after it can never come near it's popularity. TF2 love acting like their game is better than overwatch, valorant, paladins, and games that are barely even close to tf2. Another thing I hate is when people love calling the roblox fan-recreation a "knock-off that Valve HAS to smite off of the face of the earth " Like Valve actually care about this game because it's similar to actual TF2. It's a FAN-RECREATION YOU DUMBASSES OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO BE SIMILAR. That's like calling One Night At Flumpty's or Five Nights At Candy's a "FNAF rip-off that horribly tries to cash off of fnaf's success" as if they aren't fangames. "Oh, but TF2 is free! Just play the actual thing!" YOU'RE STUCK BEHIND A PAYWALL TO SPEAK YOU FUCKING MORONS. Also, The game is filled with bots, haven't gotten a proper update in years, is unbearably toxic and annoying and is really isn't beginner friendly.
​
TL;DR: This community is stinky and bad, it makes me mad, and I wanted to vent/rant about that.
​
​
Also, FUCK PEOPLE THAT PLAY ENGINEER ON KOTH. PL IS TRIGHT THERE, CP IS RIGHT THERE, A/D IS RIGHT THERE, AND CTF IS RIGHT THERE, BUT INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE KOTH. ALL OF THE CLASSES AND SUBCLASSES YOU COULD'VE PLAYED AS, AND YOU CHOOSE ENGINEER, LIKE A BORING FUCK.

Seeking advice/reassurance on behalf of my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend (M28) has had issues with his balls for about 2 years. 2 years ago, he started experiencing achy balls, generally after playing football. After a groin injury, the balls got worse, and he was told by a GP he possibly had Epididymitis. Icing the balls became a weekly thing.
Around 9 months ago, he came down with a flu-like illness (not covid). He was ill for a week, and then after one week of being better, the balls suddenly began to ache a lot. Everyday, all the time. One began to swell, and it then became a huge worry. 3 doctors, an ultrasound and a urologist said it was orchitis and that he had a varicocele. He was prescribed Cipro, which he took. He was also told he had Prostatitis, but was never examined. He has always had 'a small bladder', and urinates often, not always emptying all the way, and dribbling a bit. Excuse the clumsy language.
After that, his right testical went from being painful and swollen, to deflating. Now, I would say his left has the size and feel of a hard-boiled egg. His right is about the size of a largish grape, which is squishy. From my perspective, the change in his balls has been really quite shocking, in the sense that they feel so different. It has shrunk even more than it did at first, so we think it's continuing to shrink.
Currently, his balls have a dull ache, and generally feel heavy. He says his prostate still feels inflamed(ejaculation is also occasionally painful) and his habits with urination are the same. We just got back from the doctor, and he's being forwarded to another urologist, but I have little faith left in the NHS.
So, in short, my boyfriend has been told by various doctors that he has Epididymitis, Prostatitis, Orchitis, and a Varicocele. His balls ache every day and are often accompanied by an achy lower-stomach feeling. One of his balls has shrunk approximately by half (by feel), and ejaculation is occasionally painful. He has been tested for all STD/STIs, has taken Cipro, and the last time he did a urine test 4/5 months ago, there was nothing of note. Whether or not they tested for bacteria is beyond me. He has had an ultrasound. His right testical seems to be continuing to shrink, and getting a doctor to take him seriously is incredibly hard.
My boyfriend is, of course, incredibly upset by this whole experience - but essentially hides it. Everyone thinks the loss of a ball is just funny, but he says in quiet moments it's been the most upsetting thing he's gone through. In addition to this, there is no answer, no quick cure, and there have been zero empathetic interactions with any healthcare professionals.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Do these sound like genuine concerns? Is there an explanation? Should we continue to fight for a blood test/prostate exam? Frankly any words even if there just to share a similar experience would be wonderful, as it's so alienating to struggle with your reproductive system in your 20s. Everyone takes it as a joke.
Thank you.

Seeking advice/reassurance on behalf of my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend (M28) has had issues with his balls for about 2 years. 2 years ago, he started experiencing achy balls, generally after playing football. After a groin injury, the balls got worse, and he was told by a GP he possibly had Epididymitis. Icing the balls became a weekly thing.
Around 9 months ago, he came down with a flu-like illness (not covid). He was ill for a week, and then after one week of being better, the balls suddenly began to ache a lot. Everyday, all the time. One began to swell, and it then became a huge worry. 3 doctors, an ultrasound and a urologist said it was orchitis and that he had a varicocele. He was prescribed Cipro, which he took. He was also told he had Prostatitis, but was never examined. He has always had 'a small bladder', and urinates often, not always emptying all the way, and dribbling a bit. Excuse the clumsy language.
After that, his right testical went from being painful and swollen, to deflating. Now, I would say his left has the size and feel of a hard-boiled egg. His right is about the size of a largish grape, which is squishy. From my perspective, the change in his balls has been really quite shocking, in the sense that they feel so different. It has shrunk even more than it did at first, so we think it's continuing to shrink.
Currently, his balls have a dull ache, and generally feel heavy. He says his prostate still feels inflamed(ejaculation is also occasionally painful) and his habits with urination are the same. We just got back from the doctor, and he's being forwarded to another urologist, but I have little faith left in the NHS.
So, in short, my boyfriend has been told by various doctors that he has Epididymitis, Prostatitis, Orchitis, and a Varicocele. His balls ache every day and are often accompanied by an achy lower-stomach feeling. One of his balls has shrunk approximately by half (by feel), and ejaculation is occasionally painful. He has been tested for all STD/STIs, has taken Cipro, and the last time he did a urine test 4/5 months ago, there was nothing of note. Whether or not they tested for bacteria is beyond me. He has had an ultrasound. His right testical seems to be continuing to shrink, and getting a doctor to take him seriously is incredibly hard.
My boyfriend is, of course, incredibly upset by this whole experience - but essentially hides it. Everyone thinks the loss of a ball is just funny, but he says in quiet moments it's been the most upsetting thing he's gone through. In addition to this, there is no answer, no quick cure, and there have been zero empathetic interactions with any healthcare professionals.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Do these sound like genuine concerns? Is there an explanation? Should we continue to fight for a blood test/prostate exam? Frankly any words even if there just to share a similar experience would be wonderful, as it's so alienating to struggle with your reproductive system in your 20s. Everyone takes it as a joke.
Thank you.

Seeking advice/reassurance on behalf of my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend (M28) has had issues with his balls for about 2 years. 2 years ago, he started experiencing achy balls, generally after playing football. After a groin injury, the balls got worse, and he was told by a GP he possibly had Epididymitis. Icing the balls became a weekly thing.
Around 9 months ago, he came down with a flu-like illness (not covid). He was ill for a week, and then after one week of being better, the balls suddenly began to ache a lot. Everyday, all the time. One began to swell, and it then became a huge worry. 3 doctors, an ultrasound and a urologist said it was orchitis and that he had a varicocele. He was prescribed Cipro, which he took. He was also told he had Prostatitis, but was never examined. He has always had 'a small bladder', and urinates often, not always emptying all the way, and dribbling a bit. Excuse the clumsy language.
After that, his right testical went from being painful and swollen, to deflating. Now, I would say his left has the size and feel of a hard-boiled egg. His right is about the size of a largish grape, which is squishy. From my perspective, the change in his balls has been really quite shocking, in the sense that they feel so different. It has shrunk even more than it did at first, so we think it's continuing to shrink.
Currently, his balls have a dull ache, and generally feel heavy. He says his prostate still feels inflamed(ejaculation is also occasionally painful) and his habits with urination are the same. We just got back from the doctor, and he's being forwarded to another urologist, but I have little faith left in the NHS.
So, in short, my boyfriend has been told by various doctors that he has Epididymitis, Prostatitis, Orchitis, and a Varicocele. His balls ache every day and are often accompanied by an achy lower-stomach feeling. One of his balls has shrunk approximately by half (by feel), and ejaculation is occasionally painful. He has been tested for all STD/STIs, has taken Cipro, and the last time he did a urine test 4/5 months ago, there was nothing of note. Whether or not they tested for bacteria is beyond me. He has had an ultrasound. His right testical seems to be continuing to shrink, and getting a doctor to take him seriously is incredibly hard.
My boyfriend is, of course, incredibly upset by this whole experience - but essentially hides it. Everyone thinks the loss of a ball is just funny, but he says in quiet moments it's been the most upsetting thing he's gone through. In addition to this, there is no answer, no quick cure, and there have been zero empathetic interactions with any healthcare professionals.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Do these sound like genuine concerns? Is there an explanation? Should we continue to fight for a blood test/prostate exam? Frankly any words even if there just to share a similar experience would be wonderful, as it's so alienating to struggle with your reproductive system in your 20s. Everyone takes it as a joke.
Thank you.

Seeking advice/reassurance on behalf of my boyfriend. So, my boyfriend (M28) has had issues with his balls for about 2 years. 2 years ago, he started experiencing achy balls, generally after playing football. After a groin injury, the balls got worse, and he was told by a GP he possibly had Epididymitis. Icing the balls became a weekly thing.
Around 9 months ago, he came down with a flu-like illness (not covid). He was ill for a week, and then after one week of being better, the balls suddenly began to ache a lot. Everyday, all the time. One began to swell, and it then became a huge worry. 3 doctors, an ultrasound and a urologist said it was orchitis and that he had a varicocele. He was prescribed Cipro, which he took. He was also told he had Prostatitis, but was never examined. He has always had 'a small bladder', and urinates often, not always emptying all the way, and dribbling a bit. Excuse the clumsy language.
After that, his right testical went from being painful and swollen, to deflating. Now, I would say his left has the size and feel of a hard-boiled egg. His right is about the size of a largish grape, which is squishy. From my perspective, the change in his balls has been really quite shocking, in the sense that they feel so different. It has shrunk even more than it did at first, so we think it's continuing to shrink.
Currently, his balls have a dull ache, and generally feel heavy. He says his prostate still feels inflamed(ejaculation is also occasionally painful) and his habits with urination are the same. We just got back from the doctor, and he's being forwarded to another urologist, but I have little faith left in the NHS.
So, in short, my boyfriend has been told by various doctors that he has Epididymitis, Prostatitis, Orchitis, and a Varicocele. His balls ache every day and are often accompanied by an achy lower-stomach feeling. One of his balls has shrunk approximately by half (by feel), and ejaculation is occasionally painful. He has been tested for all STD/STIs, has taken Cipro, and the last time he did a urine test 4/5 months ago, there was nothing of note. Whether or not they tested for bacteria is beyond me. He has had an ultrasound. His right testical seems to be continuing to shrink, and getting a doctor to take him seriously is incredibly hard.
My boyfriend is, of course, incredibly upset by this whole experience - but essentially hides it. Everyone thinks the loss of a ball is just funny, but he says in quiet moments it's been the most upsetting thing he's gone through. In addition to this, there is no answer, no quick cure, and there have been zero empathetic interactions with any healthcare professionals.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Do these sound like genuine concerns? Is there an explanation? Should we continue to fight for a blood test/prostate exam? Frankly any words even if there just to share a similar experience would be wonderful, as it's so alienating to struggle with your reproductive system in your 20s. Everyone takes it as a joke.
Thank you.

Had my unfixed 3 yr old female in the park and she was playing with a recently neutered 10 mth old (13 days since procedure, still has his testicals). She’s about 1 wk into her heat, was schedule to get spayed after this cycle.
They were running and wrestling, she would present but then knock him away if he moved towards her. Next thing you know, he mounted her and by the time we got to them (10 seconds) they had tied. Never knew that happened, terrifying for the ignorant.
Anyway, 5-10 min go by and they separate.
Do not want a litter and yes, fully realize I’m the one who messed up royally here. Knew he was recently fixed, but only once I get home did I read up about “dormant sperm”.
Anyone been in similar situations? What’d you do?

I should preface this by saying it is mostly morbid curiosity but also something i have thought of for a while since about the most extreme form of pain we can experience (besides direct nerve contact like with a tooth) is pain in the genitalia due to the high density of nerve endings, especially pain receptors (as far as i am aware)
So onto the main topic, I imagine something like getting them sliced off (glass/metal in a car accident or shrapnel on a battlefield for instance) would be quite painful but am curious as to whether torsion would be worse since they eould no longer be connnected. There is also the medieval torture method of crushing via tools lile a vice grip which i am sure would be excruciating, but would it differ to a standard rupturing from something like a fall onto a stone? Then there is the classic almost every man experiences in life at some point; blunt force like a punch or kick or sitting on your bike wrong and slipping. Just remembering now that there was a eugby player who had a ruptured testicly and i believe a dislocated hip and continued playing despite that though i never fact checked it so it could be false. Regardless, that leads me to believe either some people have immense pain tolerance, adrenaline does more than i am aware or that this is automatically ruled out as the most painful. I am sure the most painful in theory would be whichever causes the most nerve ends to be stimulated to their highest degree, which to me sounds like it would be torsion (provided a significant amount of rotations more than standard are applied)

Back to Part 1
Luckytattoos:
I haven’t noticed anyone post this symptom, so I’ll throw it out there. Got mine done over a year and a half ago. But ever since then, I’ve experienced pain in the areas where they cut the vaswhateveres whenever I masterbate or have sex. The pain comes and goes in waves, almost like cramps. Sometimes it’s helpful to “distract” me, other times it really sucks. (I waited the entire recovery phase to try anything, so there’s nothing wrong I did on my end.)
But after two kids under two, I regret nothing and still try to sway others into getting it if theyre on the fence.
(Link)
drewd3553:
I had a vasectomy 4 years ago. I felt fine for the first week and after that I had the worse pain in my scrotum off and on for close to 2 years. I went back to the urologist the day the pain happened and they said they didn’t see anything abnormal and sent me on my way. The pain would come and go without any reason. I’m assuming it was nerve damage but to this day I’ll get a slight dull pain that will just last a second. I do not regret getting the vasectomy but during that time I sure did.
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EYEP_nightly:
I had one done in May of 2021. My wife and I have never wanted children, and a vasectomy seemed like an easy decision. The procedure was somewhat unpleasant but in all, pretty easy (I was awake through the whole thing). I will say, I have developed some phantom pains in the last couple of years that I did not experience before. My urologist did mention that those were a possibility after. Having said that, I’d do it all again. There is nothing that has altered my life in massively negative way.
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laxing22:
I love the no kids to worry about
That being said, when he tied it up, my left felt very different. It is 50% higher than the right. first few weeks, walking was intense pain (on the left) - much worse than a hard kick to them. For about 2 months after it was done I got what felt like the most painful electric shocks multiple times an hour. It was a few months before I could even begin a normal life again. That was almost 20 years ago and the left still hurts most of the time and is very sensitive in a not good way.
Most people are fine after a couple of days - I was not one of those.
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Youwillgotosleep_:
I had random pains that would radiate up into my groin for a couple years following mine. I would also get achy pain in my scrotum after wearing boxers. Finally went to the doctor and got some advice about what I should be wearing for my support and pain went away.
Following my procedure we had a trip planned for a few days later. We went on a high altitude hike with my family. During the hike my son, who is autistic, decided he wasn’t gonna walk anymore. I ended up carrying him, he was about 60 lbs at the time, for about half a mile. I busting a stitch and had to put some steri-strips on it till I could get to the doctor back home a few days later.
On a good note having not to worry about getting my wife pregnant again is probably worth every bit of discomfort I went thru. Although I did think there would be less volume of liquid afterwards which was a bit disappointing. I was hoping it be more like a faint puff of smoke or a flag that popped out and said “Bang!” like in the cartoons.
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CarlosChef:
I regret it, a lot. I got mine more than 2 year ago after my second daughter got six months. I still suffering the consequences of the surgery. In this 2 years I got epididimitis (I don’t know the word in English, basically an infection on your balls) three times, suffering a lot of pain for more than a month every time. The first six months the pain was awful in all the area… my doctor said that everything will get better with time (looks true now), but if I know it before, I will have never do it.
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walkingcarpet23:
Yes and no.
I'm glad it was done; however, the procedure was extremely uncomfortable and I was in pretty bad pain afterwards.
I had a hematoma develop as a result, and certain positions still cause me pain 6 months later.
If I had to choose to go through it again I would insist on anesthetic.
(Link)
nebelhund:
My vasectomy was easy. 18 or so years ago. Wife and I had a kiddo of each sex and that was enough for us.
Got shaved by a male nurse named Bear. Doctor used the cauterizing method. I couldn't see it but it smelled like bugs hitting a big zapper. That stuck in my head. Titanium paper clips (seriously looked exactly like paper clips) in sack to separate tubes. I had no real healing issues, took it easy over the weekend. No swelling issues or real pain. Was tested for swimmers after like 30 masturbation sessions per their request.
Insurance covered 100%. I'm sure it's the cheapest birth control they can pay out for. Doctor did consult with me about options about reversing if desired but wasn't pushy or judgemental like some folks have had issues with.
Wife picked me up after the procedure and we stopped for ice cream in way home. Kids had fun and asked if we could do it again the next weekend. Wife and I laughed about that.
It was funny comparing experience with good friend in Canadian army. He was in a lot of pain, put frozen peas on crotch for a few days. Funniest was like a year later and he was bitching. Went to Artic for cold weather training and said his junk hurt the entire time. Swore up and down that he could feel the clips inside him, that they were freezing. Like an ice cube in his sack. Maybe they didn't use titanium?
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Live2weld:
Just got my vasectomy done in March, will be booking a follow up appointment to see if there’s any swimmers or if we’re clear for blast off! Or in, whatever. The whole procedure took about 20 minutes, you feel the freezing needle and that’s the most pain at the appointment, you feel the dr moving stuff around. Walked out, wife drove us home, I chilled on the couch and played my ps5 for 3-4 days and slowly started working/lifting and exercising throughout the next two weeks. I’ve had issues with my nuts and had to have the temperature control muscle removed from my right testicle(I don’t know the medical term) and said nut is stitched still to my sack, in comparison, a vasectomy is a walk in the park. After pain so far, my left nut is pretty active, not like the right side so the muscle on the left didn’t have to be removed, but it’s active enough that I get more pain since the vasectomy. I had pain anyway sometimes. Still don’t regret it.
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Prisongirls:
My husband regrets his. He’s gone through phases of random pain, feeling like less of a man. Mostly psychological pain, and some regrets on not having another child especially now that his two are growing up.
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RogerMuchmore:
I’m starting to regret it recently. Suffering from granuloma related infections in the epididymis. Painful lump at the back of the testicle. Was ok for a few years until this flared up. Might need to have the procedure reversed.
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PinkEyeofHorus:
Same, I’m not in constant pain but I get a shooting, kicked in the nuts pain once a day or so.
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Yes and no. I’m happy to not have to worry about unplanned pregnancies, and to take that responsibility off my spouse as she doesn’t do well with hormonal BC and has cramps with IUD. So that’s been great. But I had a complication and have intermittent pain. Best way my doc described I developed some scar tissue that rubs/irritates a near by nerve. If I step wrong or adjust wrong I feel like I get kicked in the nuts. It’s not constant but happens once a day/every other day. So that’s a real bummer.
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Claddash:
Our first born and then the twins almost killed my wife during childbirth. There was also a 73% chance or something that we would have more multiples if she fell pregnant again, so we decided the best way forward was the snip. Mine went tits up…. The doc, while he had my cords outside of my body decided that that was the perfect time to start asking me (a landscapegardener) how to prevent possums and bush turkeys getting into his vegetable patch. I finally got him to keep going with the task at hand. A few days after getting the procedure, it was more painful then it should have been. Went back to the doc. He says I’ve got a infection. Course of antibiotics was prescribed. Then a few days after that my sack blew up to the size of a grapefruit, with what felt like a ‘third testicle’ inside. Went back again and he said I had a hematoma, and that it should ‘disappear in 2 to 6 months’, and that I ‘shouldn’t lift anything more then a couple of kilos for that time’ (keep in mind I’m a fucking landscaper and have newborn twins… how do you not lift more then a couple of kilos!). After about 2/3 months it all went back to normal, BUT, 8 years later, I still get twangs of pain regularly down there in my right testicle. Particularly at the point of climax, so that sucks
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SnippedDeferens:
I’m 33 with no kids and have always been firmly childfree so it made sense. I had it done 10 weeks ago and have had a horrible recovery. I still have pain that could last indefinitely (PVPS). At least it’s more manageable now. Despite that, I’m still glad I had it done. I only regret who I chose to perform the surgery.
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Big_Preference4721:
I regret getting mine. It still causes me pain occasionally, especially during sexy times
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Nor-easter:
I regret mine because of pain I now get and an inability to ejaculate with any force. It did something odd to me that’s not normal. Been 10 years, doc said after the first year ‘there are always risks’ etc
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KnowsHair:
Just be aware that complications do exist and they can be terrible. I had mine done 7 months ago. Since the procedure, I've had to deal with constant pain and discomfort. Wearing a jock strap 24/7 is the only thing that has helped. It seems to be slowly getting better, so hopefully within a year I'll be back to normal. I really wish I could recommend the procedure more, but it's not always as easy as it's made out to be.
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Ramennoodlebeliefs:
I've had two vasectomies. Had the first performed after having my second son and my wife wanted off contraceptives. Semen analysis was negative two weeks later. One year after, she's pregnant with our third son. Semen analysis was a slight positive. Went back to the same urologist for round two. Im left with a granuloma on my sermatic cord and mild chronic pain when i ejaculate, but the second surgery took. I suggested my wife should get her tubes tied too, for double protection, but she said she didn't want to go through with a surgery for that. I didn't want the third child but it was her body, her choice after all.
I couldn't do it any more, I had no control of my life. Every plan I ever made disappeared behind another 18+ years of commitment, none of which i had any say in. I separated from my wife earlier this year. I see my kids every day and do many events with them, I'm by no means a dead-beat.
Answer to the question: yes I would do it again, but you may be an unlucky 1:1000 that it fails. When it fails, it can be devastating.
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WittyCryptographer34:
Its great overall, although I had chronic dull pain in the balls for over a year which I'm told is common and typically unreported by us machos.
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WorldTravelerKevin:
I loved the idea and would highly suggest it for any man/couple that has decided that it was time to end their child production.
Just know there is a small (VERY SMALL) chance that you will be left is constant pain. This pain could be corrected with a reversal or removal of the testicle in pain.
I was one of the unlucky ones. I have been in pain (like I was kicked in the nuts) since 2008. They are slow to revers the surgery or remove testicles, but I am getting there.
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Kevin505:
I got one last year. Overall I'm happy not having to worry about any other birth control, but sometimes I get some pain in the testicles while doing the deed
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Revolutionary-Cup954:
I had one and regret it. Now I get aches and pains in my testicals fairly often and my testosterone has taken a big dip
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Its_a_boy-113:
I’m that 1 in 1000 where it didn’t go well, 8 months on and still having pain in both nuts, it’s like someone kicked me in the nuts 8 months ago and it’s never gone away. I’ve had 2 nut scans visit the gp multiple times and finally a urologist who told me to treat the pain with Panadol. He said he could perform an epididiectomy which may result in further pain or even loss of testicle. I asked for another referral looks like I’m in for a pain block which will last a few months. Original vasectomy Dr pretty much just made a joke about it, I told him multiple times. Don’t do it in my opinion.
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WheresTheIceCream20:
This is why my husband won't get one. He's a pain management doc and has seen enough men who come to him in chronic pain from having a vasectomy that he doesn't want to risk it
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palemel:
I also have minor pain. I'm sorry yours is so bad.
Mostly on the right side, mine throbs a bit. Not enough to stop any activities or to need meds, but it's there. Tight briefs make it worse. I switched exclusively to boxers and it's much better now. Most of the time I can ignore it now, but it's never fully gone.
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Squiddlywinks:
I had pain for about a year after, as you said in another comment, like getting kicked in the nuts at any rough touch. I am so sorry yours didn't subside, I can't imagine going through that for eight years.
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BeeCJohnson:
Sorry man, that sucks.
I had a really bad experience during the procedure, my doctor was completely cold, gave me no drugs except the local, didn't even warn me when he started. Hurt the whole time, super uncomfortable. It felt like a back alley vasectomy despite being in a major hospital.
They gave me no drugs or prescriptions after, either, not even ibuprofen. The guy didn't even say he was finished, he literally just walked out of the room. Good thing I'd Googled aftercare. Motherfucker barely even bandaged it, just taped on some gauze. I had to waddle out of the hospital cradling my freshly scorched nuts. This was in an American hospital in a major city, with decent insurance, by the way.
Took me months to recover, was in pain the whole time, I was terrified I was going to be one of the people for whom it just hurt forever. It died down at some point and I'm fine now, loving the vasectomy life. I'm sorry yours didn't ever go away.
But it's important to share the negative stories in these threads. Yeah it's mostly easy, but it is a surgery and it comes with risks and complications.
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same_old_dude:
Had a similar experience. Mine resulted in a baseball sized abscess that required a week of IV antibiotics and an eventual hospital stay for surgery to remove the infection. 1.5 years later, still some lingering pain :/ Full regret.
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Spiritual_Smell4744:
I also experienced pain. I think it is more like 0.3%.
Mine lasted about 4 years and went away all by itself.
The pain was a dull throbbing ache deep in my nuts at the point of ejaculation. Still was a pleasant experience, but with an unpleasant side effect.
I would still recommend.
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iSquishy:
I am sorry how a vasectomy has affected you, I am glad to see this post has upvotes instead of the usual downvotes, like you have mention of people disregarding those of us who were not so lucky.
I had the vasectomy at 29(after 3 children) and had no pain or discomfort from recovery, until 4 months later I developed 24/7 incredible "kicked in the nuts" pain that drugs did not touch, after several months of hospital visits to see Urologists(and Gastroenterologists because of the crazy amount of antibiotics I was given for potential infection), eventually was given the diagnoses of PVPS due to congestive epididymitis(kinked hose) and advised to go for reversal.
At 10 months post-vas I had the reversal done and thank god the pain was gone(though it takes quite a few months for it to fully resolve), although I am still plagued with dietary issues form all the antibiotics I was given, almost 2 years later now and the balls still remain not-agonizing fortunately.
I also experienced the issues you report, one thing if you have not investigated it, you absolutely need to do pelvic floor physiotherapy to relax and then strength your pelvic floor muscles, this will help with pain, urine, orgasms etc, subconsciously although the procedure doesn't initially feel painful, our pelvic muscles can mess us around and cause a host of other problems.
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mrredraider10:
I have tenderness and pain as well. Not so smooth for me. The nurse said it may be sperm seeping through the ends and my immune system attacking the area causing inflammation. Only taking meds every day helps. Its not horrible, but also not how it is supposed to be. Sex is definitely impacted negatively.
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jbrady33:
It’s not psychological, I agree with you
Both the feeling became way less intense, and physically too
The blunt version: I used to be a “shoot for distance” guy, not after the snip
Also, my balls used to pull up hard against my body when finishing - that stopped immediately after the procedure as well
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sad_roy_batty:
This is an exact replica of my experience in the first few months post-op. It's gradually gotten somewhat better, but it's still not where it was, and I don't expect it ever will be.
It was an informed choice, I knew going in that this kind of side effect was a possibility, and I stand by that gamble. But if I could snap my fingers and undo it, I would.
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Bartholomeuske:
Same here with the 'not empty' feeling. There is no pain, just a bit discomfort. Sex life is the same as before for me : poor.
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mistatravis:
Had my vasectomy about 8 months ago and had similar experience. i get achiness every now and then, but worst is my sex drive has plummeted and orgasms feel weak and not as rewarding and it take forever to get there, sometimes not at all. i hope in time it will be back like it use to. Thanks for sharing i’m glad i’m not the only one.
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Technical48:
Yep, same here. It made my orgasms a lot less satisfying and did nothing to improve my sex life. And my wife kept taking birth control anyway so wtf did I go through that? Regret is a little too strong a word but in hindsight I’d rather not have done it.
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DAM5150:
I hear you on this. I hadn't been able to put a finger on what the difference is. All i could really say is it just didn't feel "empty" any more after orgasm. testicles also feel bigger due to the swollen vas.
The lousy part is, 6 months after i got snipped my wife was approved for a hysterectomy so now it doesn't matter if i'm snipped or not...
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SMLLR:
A lot of people are only mentioning immediate recovery times, but its worth knowing that it can takes months to fully recover. Sure, you can go about your normal business after 1-2 weeks, but I still has residual pain for about 6 months after the procedure. The pain was never enough to need more than Tylenol to treat, but it was definitely there. I found that wearing boxer briefs for those 6 months helped a lot. I would suggest to NOT wear normal boxers until long after the procedure.
As far as insurance, it was covered for me, but not fully. I still had to pay something like $400 out of pocket, but that is a drop in the bucket compared to having another kid really.
Sex life is about the same, but I had the procedure at a time when we had a 2 year old child and a house renovation, so there just hasn't been time, lol.
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Lil_Word_Said:
My pain/ discomfort lasted for MONTHS!!
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Galaktuu:
Different reasons for everyone, guys. Something called epididymitis where the sperm builds up in the vasdeferens at the back of testicle, this can be a lovely burning sensation that is impossible to sleep with. Or you develop sperm granuloma, which is a ball of sperm in the "cut" side of your vas. This creates inflammation, and for me, that resulted in nerve pain that radiates into my leg. Basically, the inflamed tissue touches on the nerves, and it hurts. The only way to get that under control was basically to reduce the frequency of ejaculations and try not to get aroused at all. The pain sucks, and even if it's like a 2 or 3 out of 10, the fact that it's your balls is different than if it was your knee or shoulder. It's like the center of your being. You can't run, or jump, or move quickly. Imagine feeling like you can't defend yourself in a fight or run in an emergency. Sucks... balls. I had a reversal, which is way more invasive and has a long recovery to resolve these issues. I'm still recovering now, and it's a long road. I believe that I have a really high sperm count and is the reason for my problems. I said it in another comment. Go get a semen analysis done at a fertility center, and spend the money. If you are on the higher than average side of count, do not do the vasectomy. That's my take. Like, i want to tell everyone not to do it, but at the same time, most guys are fine, but for us who get the horrible outcome, it really ruins your life. The irony of going from being able to have sex all the time to needing to hold back is sickening. Can't run, can't play with kids like you used to, no more sports, pain at random times, needing to ice your nuts 8 times a day. Btw im just a regular dude who had a healthy sex life, married with kids.
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The lab where I had my reversal performed told me almost every guy who gets reversal for pain has a super high count. There's no studies or anything done for this, but it really makes sense that it causes an issue and the anecdotal info from lab. I wish they would make it a required screening step. Thank you.
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Me too, man. It's real. I have pvps and recently got a reversal. It's no joke, anyone reading this, if you are one of the unlucky to develop the rare negative issues. It really is life altering. it's awful. I had the reversal done recently and am still recovering, and while I am improving, I am still scared that i will never be back 100%. What I have discovered is I have a super high sperm count, and it makes sense, my body can't get rid of the sperm fast enough when I had the vasectomy and caused all sorts of pain, epidytitmitis and granuloma issues. I know this because for the reversal, you get lab analysis to see sperm restored. I am at 160 million, and the average is 40 million. Do the math. And i also am still not getting everything out due to inflammation.
So, if you are considering a vasectomy, do yourself 1 step favor and get a sperm analysis done before you commit. If you're like me and have a really high count, please reconsider and do not do it. I am convinced that it's because of the amount produced and the body's inability to discard the unused sperm.
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HellscreamGB:
I had pain if I ejaculated too much, lasted around 5 years of aggravation but finally stopped bothering me. I also had terrible sperm granuloma after the procedure. My business was so swollen my vas deferens was about the thickness of my thumb and it felt like I had a third testicle. Some steroids knocked it out in a couple days after I decided that it wasn't just "normal post op swelling" and talked to my doc.
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Steroids knocked out the worst of it. Then for a few years I would randomly get soreness. The soreness became less and less frequent until the point where its basically not an issue anymore. Took about 5 years to be "done" with the soreness.
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JiMb01101:
It's definitely not daily, but I have similar pain. Like someone didn't really hit me in the nuts but definitely grazed them significantly. Sorry for your troubles, fellow ball pain brother!
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HombreDeMoleculos:
Same. And it's much higher than 1%. Vascetomies have a 10-30% chance (depending on which search results you trust) of at least some kind of complication.
In fact, I was reluctant to get one for that reason. My wife called me childish for being worried about complications, and basically bullied me into getting one (while also insisting that we only had sex once a month because she was worried about getting pregnant, despite faithful condom use, never mind that we only had sex once a month when she was on the pill)
So, I went through with it, recovery was easy, I was going for bike rides a week later, everything was good. And then a few months down the road, the back of one of my testicles exploded. Every bit as painful as that sounds. Felt like I had been stabbed in the balls for several months. That sperm gets backed up and has nowhere to go, so sometimes the vas just bursts, like a garden hose with a knot in it. I asked the doctor why that only happens to some people and not everyone (because in every case, the sperm has nowhere to go). He said "we don't know." I got a new doctor.
Then I felt a lump at the back of the other testicle. I spent a week worried I had cancer, but it was a granuloma — some of that sperm that has nowhere to go, and it just forms into a hard little lump. That's less painful, but still painful — kind of like you got kicked the balls half an hour ago, but all day every day for 2-3 years.
So, not terribly happy with my vasectomy. But on the bright side, my wife and I weren't having sex once a month. After going through all that, she could only stand to touch me once ever other month. For a few years, and then not at all. Just pay off debts until I can afford a divorce.
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It's been a few years, so I doubt a reversal would work. And I don't want any more kids at this point; the two I have are almost out of the house. And the pain did eventually go away, it just took a few years.
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domdomdommmmmmm:
Oh this is a super helpful comment. I had a vasectomy in April and it’s been an awful experience. I’m 2 weeks post reversal and while the surgery site has healed, I’m still dealing with congestive epididymis, sensitivity and random pains. I do however feel like it’s going in the right direction. Excited and anxious to get my life back!
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Cleb323:

Varicocele

How did you find this out? I've experienced pain in my right testicle regularly and similarly to the other posters, and sometimes I think it feels like the cords around the ball itself are all tangled (not testicular torsion) but maybe varicocele is it..?
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lost_butterflies:
I had one 3 years ago and I still get anxious around "maybe one loose sperm will get through and be the anomaly." Also my testicles are more sensitive and sometimes ache for a bit after orgasm (got the open ended procedure).
Sex life non existent because cost of living makes it too expensive to date and constant anxiety and dread about financial future outweigh what libido I used to have
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mukwah:
Got it done after my third child. No regrets although there is a slight decrease in orgasm strength. But not having to use condoms makes up for that.
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Reasonable_Cost7228:
I got one and it’s great my wife not needing birth control. It did something to my orgasms that makes it regret it though. I can’t explain it but they just aren’t quite the same!
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There's discomfort for me too. I try to masturbate more, just to "get in touch" with my orgasms more, silly as it may sound. I try to get out of my head. Be in the moment. To do the whole mindfulness thing. But the more I do it, the more irritable en congested feeling I get. Probably because my body can't get rid of the backed up sperm quick enough.
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bnorthc1:
Surgery went fine. Immediate recovery wasn’t bad. Decided to try and let one fly, that’s when the bad times started. By the way you’d never think there will be bad times based on the medical pamphlets, the internet, and society just telling you to man up and get it done so your wife doesn’t have to get her tubes tied. Upon ejaculation I felt a sharp pain in my scrotum and then swelling and tenderness for days after. Felt like there was a hard knot in my scrotum. Let it “heal” and many days later tried to do it again. Same result. This cycle went on for months. Eventually the frequency of these episodes went down and I was able to have normal ejaculations. It’s been 3 years since my last bad episode and about 4 years since vasectomy. Still, I have no regrets about getting it done. Makes things with my wife a lot easier. I’m just writing this because it seemed liked there was so much rose colored propaganda about getting it done and I just want people to know there could be actual side affects.
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PissfestMcgee:
Took about a week to “recover.”
Erections felt weird for about a month.
Ejaculating felt muted for about 4-5 months.
Things felt “off” for about 6 months. Idk if I am now used to the new normal or if things went back to normal. A few years after and I am enjoying my long intense orgasms again. Like everyone is saying, experiences may vary. My urologist didn’t just snip and coder, he cut a section off the tube. Gave it to me as a keepsake.
I sometimes feel like I am less of a man potentially. Like I have less potential as a man since I can’t offer that part of life to a woman. But that’s stupid psychological shit society probably engrained in me. I mean like I’m fine, no complaints. No regrets to getting it done. Knew I was done having kids and still do know that.
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I hear you can sell your balls but heard it might be a myth but I mean theirs plenty of people that might need a testicals like testicular cancer patients, accidents, maybe trans guys? I guess the transplant is not effective with modern science, get side thoughts of sell on particular venues since the very little rebates with surgery. (Particular venues is a joke)
I feel like if my balls could be sold to hospitals or science organisations we should haven’t to play for sometimes life saving surgeries. I mean i literally have to pay for something to be removed then it’s cremated when people literally are paying testicular transplants why shouldn’t I be payed for it. But again not sure if testicular transplants are actually possible for people who need it.

Playing tug of war with the devil - (masturbating)
Devil’s chicken nuggets - (testicals)
Those long freckles - (nipples)
Making that body rope - (having a shit)
Playing that body harmonica - (farting)
Air calamari - (farts)
Word bird - (email)
Word curtain - (moustache)
Cocaine for your stomach bra - (coffee)
Pablo Yescobar - (cocaine)
Outdoorsy gentlemen - (homeless ppl)
Food we won in a war - (French toast)
“A lot people there looking like hitchhikers, but they aint hitching”
“People that look like they got catch the bus, but they aint catching the bus”
“Looks like he combs his hair with a shovel”
“The ocean will do your hair for you”
“Marnon - that’s the sort of name you gotta use before noon”
“I know I look like I sell indoor waterfalls in Tennessee”
“That’s the kind of music you’d watch a small disabled boy get out of a row boat to”
“You can’t put a toddler on Mt Everest. You gotta put him on an ant hill first. “
“If you split open God’s heart, 30 Philippinoes would be in there, splitting a bag a fruit”
“Spring is when winter gets lazy”
“A bridge is a road that is brave af”
“Dresses like at 12 year old kid trying to buy Marlboro’s lights”
“A reindeer is a gay moose”
“Camping is like being briefly amish”
"I could shoot the lisp off of a troubled boy" - (In reference to boasting about being a good shot with a gun)
“Dude had no neck, he just wore his thoughts on his sleeve.”
“I’m not gay but I’d feed him olives”
“I know people who are mentally unwell, I live inside one of them”

I've reached the point in the far harbour storyline where I can pick what faction I want to roll with.
My SS backstory is he emerged into this hostile new world with the old world blues (see what I did there?) and set about trying to rebuild the commonwealth. He encountered the Brotherhood of Steel, and stuck about because at first appearance it was the most sensible choice for his goal; not long afterward he met Valentine and started to doubt whether or not the brotherhood was the best idea. Once he'd saved Valentine from his containment, he stuck about for another case taking them up to Maine. During the early stages of the case, he took a hiatus when he found the case subject, and was requested to do some investigating before the case could be closed. The hero wandered the wastes before encountering a theme park - he took an instant dislike to the trader that was trying to trick him, but agreed to help him anyway because raiders are the scum of the earth. Once he'd liberated nuka world with as many goodies as he could run off with, he rejoined his robotic compatriate and started making some real headway into this case. During a supply trip to an old fuel station, Valentine asks for his help in something that's been bothering him for a few years which meant rooting around with every cop shop in the commonwealth, before playing hide and seek with a mob boss that looked like a testical. They've moved on, back to Maine where a family connection may have revealed itself during some undercover work in a religious sect, but in the process our main character uncovered a horrible truth that could change the fate of the island permanently.
Now we're all caught up, here are the options available to me.
A- stick with Acadia, look for peaceful resolution.
B-Brotherhood. He may not like it, but good soldiers follow orders.
X-tell Far Harbour what happened because they have a right to know.
Y- assist the children of atom with their peculiar quest and reclaim the island. Hopefully the islands less fanatic residents can be persuaded to leave? Probably not.
Other options and RP reasoning accepted, this is my 1st PT for this dlc where I haven't just rolled in and gunned them down as early as possible. I would like to try and save Kasumi to avoid any collateral damage.
Tl;Dr - nick roped me into far harbour, I've got 4 ending options I can pick

• Species: Dog • Age: 6 years • Sex/Neuter status: M/Neutered • Breed: Pit/Lab • Body weight: 42 lb • History: just got neutered, overall very healthy • Clinical signs: swollen testical sac • Duration: 3 days • Your general location: New England • Links to test results, vet reports, X-rays etc.
Hello. My husband and I have some questions around caring for our dog post surgery (neutering was Wednesday the 21st). The vet who we are supposed to reach out to isn’t getting back to us (they’re traveling so told us it may be hard to get back to us quickly).
Basically, our dog is super high risk of testicular hematoma because of his age. He was prescribed Trazodone and Carprofen. We’ve been giving him 2-3 pills of Trazodone/day with food. We gave him Carprofen the first day and that night he ended up vomiting anything he ate and then when he wasn’t eating too. He also started having bloody diarrhea, some that looked basically mostly blood (red). He stopped eating after that. We then opted to not give the Carprofen the last 2 days, and the vomiting and diarrhea has stopped and he has been back to eating like normal. (The doctor did mention possibly switching to boiled eggs and rice but since then he’s been fine with his food so we opted for his food.)
That’s the backstory.
Essentially we are concerned of a few things: - Our regular vet (not the neuter clinic) prescribes our dog 200mg Trazodone to chill him out. This clinic prescribed 100mg. He is not actively playing/jumping/running but he is up walking A LOT. Even with 100 mg Trazodone every 6 hours or so. This version of him is much calmer than normal — he’s SO energetic and basically a 6 year old puppy, not to mention he’s not been getting his twice a day hourly walks due to healing — but we are considering upping him to 200mg Traz. (This is one question we asked his vet this morning but she hasn’t responded.) Do you have other recommendations?

• His sac is seemingly kind of filled with fluid. Not filled like skin stretched, and we notice every few hours it looks less full. It’s really difficult to tell if it’s just normal swelling or filling with blood. But we are pretty sure this is due to him moving so much.
  
• Should we get him back on the Carprofen? He doesn’t mind us touching the front of his sac but doesn’t like it when we touch the back of it. He has not shown any verbal signs of pain, no whimpering etc. Is it better to give him an NSAID that may help with swelling but make him vomit and have diarrhea than what we’ve been doing? He’s seemed fairly comfortable but I wonder if him up walking all the time is a sign of discomfort? (I hope this doesn’t violate the rules, he is prescribed the Carprofen and we would just give the prescribed amount but it was tough last time.)
  

Thank you in advance. We just want him healthy and to not develop infection/hematoma.

Anything by this band is Gospel. Fuckin' Legendary.

Now, Let's Begin:

Hi, Eggheads. I'm in your thoughts.
Hey Look MA! I made ya something.
Might get married soon, can't wait to consummate, but only so that I can get a good nights rest afterwards.
Thinking about my Soulmate, she said she's a pickle.
My Mom approves.
i wanted nail polish, thought I should get red.
I get what I want now, when I walk the streets.
My precognition is becoming reliable and less shrouded in symbolism of my person subconscious.
Feelin' Myself.
Food. Drink. Clothes. Marijuana. Money.
I See Images in my Mind. Then my Eye Show Me Correspondence within "External Reality".
Train stop. Late at night. Fetty-cane debris.
Found some extra charging cords
.And Nail Polish: ASAP Apple
Should paint my toes. Don't want to paint my Right hand.
Left hand already painted.
Dark blue.
Stole it from Target.
Second bottle of it.
Gave first bottle away to a dude with huge Cross tattoo who was having a spiritual experience in the park.
Color 609: Midnight Mod.
Should paint my toes. I like to chew on the nails on my right hand.
Found a dollar this morning on the train. Folded up. It was next to a lady wearing all yellow. Banana lady didn't want it when I pointed it out. She looked like she was trying to project Wealth.
Sometimes, I am Curious George.
Looking forward to experiencing the man with yellow hat archetype.
I got off the train and ate the food that was on the garbage can that I had jumped on the train to backtrack and investigate. And did the healthy line of Coke that was wrapped in the dollar.
Came clean: Soulmate had an article waiting to throw at me.
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Found of THC vape pen. Stole a charging cable.
Lost the THC vape pen, before I could charge it.
Had an emotional breakdown because not knowing the precise time it slipped from the side of my backpack drives me fucking insane. Hard to derive a specific lesson, other than - CAN'T LET GUARD DOWN.
Do I feel cool when I puff on things? Maybe. Ok, of course I fuckin' do, have any of you assholes ever smoked anything>!!>!>>!>! It's awesome.
Do you smoke?
You got any?
I love THC vape pen. It's like a wand. I feel like a Magician.
I feel like The Sorcerers' Apprentice when I strut around with those things.
I gonna walk around Moscow with one.
Don't call me Harry Potter, I don't care if it fits. I don't care if Harry's middle name is James. I always preferred his Godfather. Anyone that can turn into a big black dog and is named after a star fucks in my book. And everyone in my book? They fuck. Harry named his son, James Sirius Potter. I mean, I love to smoke pot, but that's like 'I love my Dad, so I want my last name to be Dad's name."
My last name, literally translates to 'Scotsman':

German: occupational name for a peddler or a nickname for someone who always had something to sell from Middle High German schotte ‘peddler’. German (Schött): metonymic occupational name for a tax collector from Middle Low German schot ‘tax’. Jewish (Ashkenazic): artificial name from either German Schotte ‘Scotsman’ or German Schote ‘pod’.

Some nerd shit, if you ask me.
Special Message to My Favorite ^{most trusted} Twin Flame : Long Distance Spitting (she's a rapper - they all were back then)
the 1950's... glad the culture from the Era is almost dead. Yuck.
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Saw Victoria in person. Didn't try to have sex with them.
I did pick them up in a loving embrace though. It's nice that I can try to have sex with someone online, and eventually, because I am projecting ghosts, it isn't awkward in person.
It's very much like how I had to project the Queen of Heaven and Hell onto my poor queer Christian Science housemate last Spring.
Poor Kelsi.
At least she was there to support me.
And help me get organized.
One day, we were doing some weeding, which would psychologically prime me to start blurting things out, and I'm like, talking to my poor housemate like she is my wife, and shit and....
Let's see some highlights of what I told her:
-Revealed my darkest secret about molesting the family dog when I was teenager because I was horny. (God, I think it was like 16, too, pretty late to be exploring with God's creatures, but fuck... who am I too judge younger Jacob, besides the Judge of All Creation. Do they make fun of you here if your parents bail you out????FATHER!!!)
The intoxication of the impulse evaporated when our Boston Terrier, Reggie, didn't reciprocate any desire for the experience.
Consent was always been sexy for me.
Reggie was good to me. He never brought it up again,
but sometimes... I'd see him walking around the yard, or the house, and I'd be like,
"fuckin' Regg, I know he wants it...."
Anyway, Reggie is dead. My step-dad ran him over on my Mom's birthday one year.
So we got Lily.
She also a Boston Terrier. I didn't try to instigate a sexual experience with her, because (like they all say) it was a one time thing, and I sort felt weird for like 20 years because of the first time.
Lily is dead, too. She died last year. My Mom called me to tell me Lily was dead, then in the same conversation, she told me her estranged father, Patrick, had died as well.
Priorities.
Mom's pain from her relationship with her Father broke my fuckin' heart.
No worries. I redeemed. Here is Lily, we called her the Soul Sucker, because if you looked into her eyes, it was like, 'good God Lil, what have you seen?'
All this talk about death has me feeling a certain type of way. Might DM, Victoria, and try to have sex with them later.
The Owl Stocking Cap reminded me that I love the word Stalking.
So does my Twin Flame.
Solved Multi-World theory. I'm Famous Now, Here's My Headshot. Bored of time/space now. And your inability to Master it.
I bet I can get CJ McCollum to sign my Bible.
This is my little brother, Nic. His middle name is James, also.
My quest to become my True Self has pulled us apart a little bit over the last 7 years.
I had my first episode when he was graduating High School. I got him this hat as a Grad Present...
I don't think he got what I was foreshadowing....
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Wrote out some notes and called it, "The 4 Pillars of my Get-Outta-Jail and On Me Card"
Gonna write an essay style intrusion into my mind. Here are the topics. Self-limited for time and sanity. Neither limit observed properly.

1. Personal Anima & the Great Balancing Act (Divine Femininity Projections of the Collective)
2. Personal, Number, and Card Magic
3. Thoughts on: the Nature of the healing/growth power of Soulmate and Twin Flame Relationships
4. Personal Projections and why they are Psychologically Rigid

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Twin Flame replied to a dumb link I sent her about how I am not so secretly playing both sides.

7 23 10
I had drawn cards earlier in the day and was looking for 7 and 10.
Already had one hit. 7'10" clearance on a wooden rail bridge.
Sparrow St. Between 19th and 21st.
​
Reminds me of a bird.
Birds everywhere lately.
​
Jack Sparrow, too.
Uh, Jack the Pumpkin King.
Uh, Jack Bean Stalk.
Uh, Jack from the Shining.
Uh, I don't know, did I forget any important Jack's.
Ok. All other Jacks are irrelevant.
Unless, it's 2am and I want a fuck ton of Tacos.
​
My Anima's name is Jackie. She was born 4/20/65. She was my Mom's bestfriend and died 3 days before I was born in 1987. When I first woke up to my True Self in Feburary of 2016, Jackie told me that she is like Lyanna Stark and I am like Jon Snow.
She is my real Mother, we swapped at birth, somehow, and I am the King in hiding.

Jacqueline: Origin and Meaning
The name Jacqueline is girl's name of French origin meaning "supplanter". Jacqueline originated as a feminine form of Jacques, the French variation of James, and therefore Jacob.

My (birth) Mom's (pretty sure I did come from inside this one) name is MeChelle.
She says I was named after Jackie, but my Dad, Randy, had a boa constrictor named Jake, as well. There was always some ambiguity over which I was named after. I'm rep'n Girl Power this lifetime, but man, what could have been....
Anyway, feast your eyes on this Visually Suggestive Clusterfuck of Prophetic MS Paint Fuckery.
Moist Monday
Help Me Inhale With You Monday
Capitol of the State of Oregon, on Monday, 6/12/23: Salem
A fancy myself a Storm Chaser, but I just watch Youtube. Even - on Monday.
(Kurt says Fuck You In Particular)
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Sent a Journal Entry to my Soulmate. I like to the explore the 'obsessed messianic complex stalker vibe' style.
Not the first to do. Well, kinda.
Wrote the "The Birds Shit Every Where," in red in my latest entry.
A Crow shit on my backpack last night.
Briefly wasn't sure if it was chewing tobacco or roach remnants.
Spirit guide indicated, "It's bird shit, you fuckin' retard. You don't need to try to smoke everything."
They say that Roaches will be the only thing to survive when World War III starts and the nukes start flying. I have been evolving to survive exclusively on Roaches, to prepare for the inevitable outcome that will be perpetuated by the ignorance of Mankind (Once again! PLOT TWIST! JK ITS THE SAME OLD FUCKING STORY)
After meditation, I didn't smoke the crow poop.
Sparrow reminds me of Swallow.
Is it bird?
​

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!”

― Bill Maher
I think Bill Maher is a fuckin' ignorant loser, and I have a feeling I will have the opportunity to explain it to his face. He isn't ugly. He is handsome. Maybe I will get swept away by his charm and walk away thinking Bill Maher deserves to be propped up because he has something interesting to say. But I fuckin' doubt it!
Sent a pic of a Tiny Bible to Soulmate. She confirmed that I am insane.
Twin Flame say's she can't Swallow my Bible.
We'll see.
Take #97.
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July 9th, 2016
My Soul, speaking as Kurt: "You have to believe that she trusts you. You have to believe that she can feel you. You have to believe that she loves you. You have to believe that there are forces at work greater than you are capable of understanding. Do you accept these things?"
I am, Jacob: "Yes."
K: "Do you accept that you are the resurrected Jesus Christ, fully manifested into objective reality, for the first time in ... God Only Knows How Long?"
J: "Yes."
K: "Then you know, that if Lana Del Rey is truly who you are supposed to marry, you should be able to say anything and still make it happen. Correct?"
J: "Yes."
K: "What is the DUMBEST thing you could say, that would prove you are God, if you are still able to marry her."
J: "I could say I am going to Kill her. That would be hilarious, but it's going to look really bad!"
K: "She wants you to say it."
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After Credit Easter Egg:
T is for Testical
Juniper, Guardian of My Soul
Mystical Forest Guardian
I Think This Is Important Knowledge
Bonus Tombstone: "Called or not called, the god will be there"
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BECAUSE YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:
Told Soulmate, my bliss is just brushing my teeth in the bathroom while she poops. You know, just the comfortability and closeness of it all. And I told her how I imagine being in awe of her beauty....
SHE DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS WHAT THE GIFT OF FUTURE SIGHT SHOWED ME!