CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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I (F19) had one friend pretty much all of my life (11 years to be exact) and I always payed for pretty much everything, and I didn’t really mind it. Even when she got her boyfriend 2 or 3 years ago, I payed for him too when we would go out to eat. They’ve always made significantly more than me, but I did notice they were a bit stingy with money at times when we were out so I’d end up paying for ever everything that we were doing just because I genuinely adored both of them. Fast forward a bit, the two form a band and I had a very big falling out with all of them due to how two of the male members were treating me and me realizing how poorly my best friend was treating me. Also, forgot to mention that the times they would buy me things (never more than like $10) I’d have to Venmo back what they payed, example would be the girl buying me an energy drink at the store because the store didn’t take Apple Pay and me sending her the exact $2.50 or whatever it was (it was veryyy low)
I became friends with a girl pretty quick at college, but it turns out that she only becomes friends so that people can buy her things, I didn’t know she had that reputation since I didn’t talk to anyone, she only took $22 from me but I got it back pretty quick, she still owes someone about $800 despite her getting an allowance of $1,000 a week from her dad in cash. Only was friends with her for 4 days.
I genuinely had no friends for a couple of months before I got intergraded into a friend group at college (I dropped out of high school my sophomore year due to severe bullying from my ex best friends group, nothing she did in particular she just wanted to stay neutral with them). I would offer to pay for little things and notice how uncomfortable some of them got with it, I never meant it in a flirty way or anything, I just assumed that that’s what friends do. There was a plan to get sushi one day and one of the guys couldn’t go because he had no money, I offered to pay for him and he declined. I didn’t push any further with that. Another example would be a different guy from that group not having anything to eat at all that day and being very hungry, I told him in private DMs that I can buy him food and it would really be no problem, he just said he wasn’t comfortable with it. Im a pretty sociable person, I can talk to people easily but this was the first group of people I had been friends with in my entire life.
Now im friends with a big group of people that like a band that I’m into (Fidlar) and I met my boyfriend at one of their concerts, I’m noticing that everyone is paying for themselves and my boyfriend made a comment (not in a mean way) about me buying everyone water bottled after a pretty intense set at a show.
Basically, I’ve never really had friends before and im trying to navigate what’s okay and what’s not okay when it comes to buying people things. I am aware that my love language is definitely gift giving. Have I just been around the two extremes? I don’t want to come off as overbearing, I just get really uncomfortable too if I feel like someone is being left out.

So i recently got my diagnoses Before this i used to think i was broken Went on sooo many therapy session and group therapy to no avail Always felt anxious when i was about to go out or we had guests Like a blob of anxiety was on top of my chest 24/7 I thought im just cripplingly shy for avoiding people at all cost Thought im a psychopath or sociopath for not caring or not wanting more people in my life I believed the fact that simply texture of tomato and onion makes me gag is my fault for being too picky Felt like i should blow consequences my every mistake out of proportion because everything should be perfect Im smart....but no one understood me...so i either assumed im wrong...or they are dumb I had to explain concepts that made perfect sense to mr several times to people Like wtf... maybe im dumb? But now i know Nothing was broken No one needed extensive therapy about anger issues You don't feel anxiety of a social situation when you are in a different planet There is no one to avoid There is no one to be preoccupied about their opinion And I'll eat my food like every other astronaut What am i talking about? The fact that we...neuro-divergents are the next step in human evolution Custom built for space exploration age Sure... evolution has to figure out a few quirks But we are it people Hell i was sure i didn't want a kid but now i do because i know i owe it to humanity and evolution to spread my genes imagine if im this good then what my child gonna be... And you should too All of us have the potential to make the perfect human We should definitely take over earth but i think that's gonna take longer than building a new society in a different galaxy Think about it We are already know we weren't built for this world NTs leave their hometown and they miss it... how the f do they wanna leave their planet and colonize a Galaxy far far away It's gonna be up to us To create our own perfect world with social rules that actually make sense, not lies and pointless chatter and invites IF YOU WANNA COME OVER SAY IT AND COME We are evolutionary marvels To us 🥂 Homo perfectus

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Chapter 15: For What You’ve Tamed
“We’ve come a long way, Vikri. Let’s finish your story,” Rayner said as he sat down in the same chair, crossing his legs in the same way.; small consistencies that made the task of talking about my past seem a little more routine. “I understand you lost someone important to you that day.”
I shifted slightly where I sat. “Yeah,” I answered coarsely. I grabbed at the poncho hanging over my shoulders. I remembered what it felt like in my dreams. Radiant warmth always seemed to emanate from it. Not necessarily the poncho itself, but Tenga’s memory. I realized that as long as I had those, then he was still here in a way. I’d much rather have him here than his memory though.
Rayner nodded. “I know what that’s like,” he said in a near whisper.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that I lost him. I…I failed,” I rasped. “I could’ve saved him. Maybe if I’d gone back I could’ve gotten the equipment before the fire did. I was too afraid.”
Rayner nodded slowly. “And now you feel responsible.”
I remained silent as I clutched my tail on the couch beside me. Rayner already knew the answer. He pursed his lips. “Yeah…I know exactly how that feels.”
I looked up at him. For the first time, his eyes weren’t on me, but on the adjacent wall as he seemed to ponder something. “You think about all the things you could have done differently. Things that are so obvious in hindsight,” he sighed and adjusted his glasses. “If only it were that clear in the moment.” He looked up at me, clasping his hands together. “So walk me through what happened.”
I could still vividly remember the moment Tenga got shot. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. So quickly in fact, that it even took Tenga a moment to realize there was a hole in his torso. Minutes of continuous tension shattered with a hail of gunfire lasting less than a second. The echoes continued to howl through the mountains long after the bodies met the snow. My friend was fatally wounded, the snow around him dyed bright red with his blood. And I had to leave him.
The entire time I was in the belly of the federation destroyer with danger lurking around every corner, all I wanted to do was to get this done as quickly as possible and get back to him. I was enraged that they’d done this to him and to billions just like him.
“Tenga was all I thought about the entire time,” I croaked. “And I…I was willing to kill everyone onboard to get back to him, even if there was no way I ever could. I… did things I could never have imagined myself doing even just days ago. I tore a chunk out of my leg just to be able to get to the Krakotl pinning me down with a crowbar.” I inhaled deeply, staring down at my reflection in the water, recalling my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the ship's monitor. The grimly colorful bloodstains in my fur from several different species.
Rayner nodded. “It was a desperate situation. Many don’t see themselves doing things like that until they’re put in a situation where it's necessary. A situation where it's do or die. No one can fault you for that, especially not with all that depended on you.”
“I guess I just…It’s just worrying knowing that there’s a part of me capable of that.”
The doctor tapped his pen on his notepad as he seemed to think for a moment. “Do you worry that you may have violent outbursts?”
I scoffed. “Well, the events of a few days ago provided good grounds for worry.”
Rayner nodded. “Aggression is common for PTSD victims. It can be difficult to manage intense emotions when your mind is already dealing with so much.
I shook my head. “That’s not the person I want to be.”
Rayner nodded. “I know Vikri. That’s why it's so crucial for you to talk about this stuff. The less all of this weighs on you, the better you’ll be able to control those emotions when they arise.”
He finished writing on his notepad before taking off his glasses and leaning forward slightly. “So what happened to Tenga?”
The question made my heart sink. My mind went quiet. The second hand of time sounded like the footsteps of a giant marching toward…something. My body seemed to go cold and numb. “He died…” I croaked, staring down at the table. That was the first time I’d admitted that to myself verbally in such a direct way. “And I tried so hard,” I choked, tears now streaming down my face. “I did everything in my power to save him. I even put Querek’s life in danger.”
I felt the heat. I could feel cold water dripping from my paws as the burning ship melted the frost accumulating in my fur. I remembered the terrifying hopelessness that gripped me as I gripped Querek and pushed him into the snow. He tried to sacrifice himself for Tenga. What if I had let him? Would it have even worked? Could Tenga accept that?
I recalled the story to Rayner, battling to keep my composure. “I…I watched him die,” I choked. “And I was furious. Reese had to pull me off of him. I wanted to do…something, anything, but…he told them not to bring him back. I think he…” I winced at the thought of him considering this. “I think he’d rather have died sacrificing himself over…going rabid.”
Silence perforated the room for what felt like several long minutes. Rayner sat with his legs crossed, his hand propped up against his mouth. He seemed to become lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “I know how that guilt feels,” he admitted quietly.
I looked at him, somewhat surprised. “You do?”
Rayner nodded, rubbing his hands together. “My son,” he said plainly, taking a long pause before he continued. “He and Jesse were very close as kids. Practically brothers.” He tapped on his clipboard with his pen. “I was…not so available in those days. I was a very different man than I am now. I was still in school. I was always busy, always stressed. I hadn't even considered becoming a therapist. I was deadset on becoming a neurosurgeon.” He scoffed at himself, his head gently shaking back and forth as his gaze grew distant. His delivery lacked that matter-of-fact candor I was so used to by now. He was much quieter; less animated. His eye contact was sporadic and he never stopped fidgeting with his pen. Everything about him seemed suddenly mired in an emotion that was difficult to read. That was when I saw everything we'd done over the past few days for what it really was. Rayner wasn't invincible. He never claimed to be. He was hurt; I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't a person reaching down into the mud and yanking me out by the nape of the neck. He was man covered in mud himself. He wasn't an untouchable hero. Merely a guide.
He continued as that realization struck me. “I loved him as much as a father could. But I was so busy that…well I wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been. That put a big strain on our relationship.” He removed his glasses and wiped the lenses a few times before he continued. “One night we got into an argument. He’d just gotten his license. He had an old beat-up car I'd bought him for his birthday,” he chuffed. “A teen’s first car is always…eccentric. Thought it was a great deal at the time.” He sighed and nodded slightly before continuing. “He left the house enraged, speeding down the road. After a few miles, he lost control, swerved off the road, and hit a tree head-on. The airbag never deployed. The car crumpled like a soda can.”
I stared at him, speechless as he concluded in a near-whisper. “He was declared dead at the scene.”
The room felt hollow for a few long seconds. I searched for a reply but couldn't fathom the right words to say. Fortunately, Rayner didn't stay silent for long. “Like you, I blamed myself for a long…long time.” He sighed. “And it nearly destroyed me.”
I stared at the floor, fidgeting with my tail. “How did you…overcome that?”
“Well it didn't happen overnight,” he replied, flashing a brief smile. “It takes time but, at some point, you have to carry on living. You have to continue loving.” His eyes creased slightly as he looked down at his own hands. “You have to keep loving,” he repeated in a low whisper.
Loud silence claimed the room again as his words sank in. He was right. It was either accept what happened or live like this forever. Looking at it that pragmatically, the choice seemed easy. Emotions are never so logical though. It wasn’t as if he relieved himself of that burden either, it was obvious he still carried it. It just…didn’t weigh as much now. Not because it got lighter, but because he got stronger. I eased into speaking again. “I…I'm sorry. About your son.”
Rayner nodded. “I'm sorry about your friend.”
We both stewed in silence for a minute before Rayner spoke up. “We’ll send you home today.”
“You…really think I’m ready?”
Rayner nodded slowly. “I think so. The medication seems to be working, you haven’t had any breakdowns since you’ve been here. You’ve gotten much better at discussing these things. I think you’re equipped to face this now.”
“...I’m afraid,” I croaked.
“Of what?” Rayner asked, leaning forward
“Of…seeing Lucky again. I'm doubting whether I even should. I was never prepared to be her master. I’m just a danger to her.”
“Vikri,” Rayner exhaled and leaned forward. “You made a mistake. We all do. But you have a responsibility to her. You should at least see her and face that mistake, or you’ll never have closure. What you decide after that is your choice, but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.”
“I hope so,” I sighed.
Rayner clicked his pen and set his notepad aside. “We’ve made you some medication to take home, same stuff you've been taking. The plan is to keep lowering the dosage until you’re sleeping without it. We’ve made you some sheets with all the daily doses on them and when to take each one. It’s enough to last you two weeks, then once they’re out, you’ll come back here for another session, then if you need it, we’ll get you more and keep weaning you off them.”
He leaned forward, emphasizing his next words. “And I cannot recommend enough that you go to Jesse’s support group in between our meetings. Those will help you tremendously, I’m sure of it.”
I nodded. “I have his number. I’ll…I’ll give it a shot.”
“You won't regret it,” Rayner assured me. “Jesse was in the same chair as you not too long ago for similar reasons. He has knowledge from first-hand experience. I can vouch for him, he’s a great guy.” He inhaled. “Well, is there anything else Vikri? We won’t be seeing each other again for a while, so if there’s anything else, now’s the time to talk about it.”
I thought for a second. We’d covered almost everything. I’d never discussed those days in so much detail. It felt like being submerged in icy water. It was miserable at first, but over time it became easier, even comfortable. I’d relived so much pain over the last three days, but here at the end of the whole story, It felt less like a nightmare, and more like reality. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally replied.
“Then I’ll clear you to go home. Andrea is here, she’ll give you a ride, I’m sure. Here.” He reached over and handed me a small business card. “That has all my contact information on it. I’m usually here in my office until late at night, so feel free to call if you need anything. If the sedative gives you any issues at all, any side effects, make sure to call and let me know. We followed the recipe to a tee, but it’s wise to be cautious.”
A familiar silence flooded the room as Rayner and I seemed to, for the first time, have nothing left to say. Finally, the doctor spoke. “See you in two weeks, Vikri.”
///////////////////////////////
Golden strands of light danced between the digits of my paw as I moved it in front of the brilliant summer sun. An intense beacon of warmth floating in a sky as blue as Earth’s oceans. The rumble of Andy’s car occupied the air as we cruised down the highway. Vivri was sound asleep in the backseat. The gentle white noise and vibration seemed to knock her out cold. I watched the sunrays dance as I waved my paw in front of me, before turning it around. Several spots on my paw still had obvious scars. I even still had burn scars from the electrical systems aboard the crumbling Cardinal.
I curled my paw closed into a fist and rested my head against it, watching the lush, green mountains pass by in the distance. After three days I was set loose into the world once again, hopefully better armed than I was before. Even after all the weight I doffed from my shoulders in Rayner’s office, a crushing mass still rested on my chest. Lucky.
The weight only became heavier as the car slowed, and rounded a corner into the parking lot of a large animal hospital. Andy gently brought the car to a stop in a parking space in front of the entrance. Occasionally people would walk in and out with their pets, many of which were dogs on leashes.
Vivri stirred awake after we stopped. “Oh…We’re here,” she muttered nervously. “There’s…a lot more animals here than I was expecting.”
Andy chuckled. “It’s an animal hospital girl, there’s gonna be all kinds of critters here.”
I turned around to face her. “You don’t have to go in there. You and Andy can wait here.”
Andy scoffed. “You might wanna tell Rayner they screwed up those meds, ‘cause you’re delusional if you think I’m letting you go in there by yourself.”
“Well I don’t want her to be alone out here,” I argued.
“I’ll go in, just…stay close, please?” Vivri interjected.
I looked back at her, ears tilted. She was dead serious. I sighed and shook my head. “This is gonna be a disaster,” I groaned.
Andy opened her door. “I’ll wait with her in the lobby, you go talk to the vets. It’ll be fine.”
I looked back at Vivri one last time as Andy stepped out. “Alright, just stay away from the cats.” I opened my door and began stepping out into the summer air.
“C-cats?”
“Small felines. They're demons with mind control,” I replied just before closing the door.
Vivri scrambled out of the car and followed right on my heels. “Well don’t just leave me!” she squeaked.
I laughed. “I’m kidding. Well, mostly.”
Walking into the building, I realized that Lucky had been in a very similar place as me over the past three days. The lobby felt eerily similar to the one at the medical center. Everything went silent as Vivri and I walked in. Immediately I could feel dozens of eyes on us. Vivri hid close behind me as Andy gestured for me to follow her to the desk.
I doubted any of the humans there meant any harm, but dozens of binocular eyes snapping onto her in an instant had Vivri more unsettled than she already was. It didn’t help that several dogs were either on leashes or in carriers in the lobby, which were no doubt just as curious. I grabbed Viv’s paw. “They don't see many Venlil,” I whispered. “Just ignore them.”
I approached the desk with Vivri still hiding behind me. “E-excuse me?” I stuttered. The woman at the desk looked up, clearly caught off guard by two venlil standing before her. “O-oh! Excuse me, you must be Lucky’s owner, right?”
“Yeah. Vikri.” I could feel Vivri shivering behind me.
“I’ll let Doctor Gavin know you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before turning to Vivri. “Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Of course! It’s just for a few minutes, right?” Her body language gave an entirely different answer. She seemed like she might faint at any moment.
I looked up at Andy. “Keep her close, would you?”
Andy wrapped her arms over Viv’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep little Vivi safe from all the big, bad puppy dogs and mean kitties,” she said in baby speak, twisting her side to side. She giggled. “We’ll be fine.” Her tone suddenly shifted as she locked eyes with me. “Will you?”
I stood there in silence for a moment. This entire time my heart felt unbearably heavy. Standing there, I felt nauseous. So much so that I made it a point to know exactly where the bathroom was when I walked in. The weight on my chest made breathing a laborious task. I heaved in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there but…I have to do this. For both of us.”
Andy exhaled and nodded, seemingly just as nervous for me. Right on cue, the door at the back of the room opened with a heavy click. “Vikri?” a male voice called out. An older gentleman in burgundy scrubs surveyed the room. It didn’t take long for him to find me. He nodded toward me as he adjusted his glasses. “Right this way, please.”
“We’ll be right here,” Andy whispered, her hands still resting around Viv’s shoulders, who agreed with a tail flick.
I nodded and walked toward the man, leaving the cozy waiting room behind, and entering a long, sterile hallway. The doctor’s shoes clicked against the tile as he walked just in front of me. The weight bearing down on my chest only got heavier with each step. After a few agonizing seconds, the man finally spoke up as he stopped outside a door. “I’m Doctor Gavin,” he said breathily, extending a hand. “I performed Lucky’s surgery.”
I took his hand with my paw, which he could no doubt tell was trembling by this point. “Vikri,” I choked. “S-so…How is she?”
“She’s good,” Gavin answered in a higher pitch. “She’s recovering remarkably fast. Really lived up to her name.” He opened the door and stepped through into a kennel area as he continued. “The bullet hit one of her ribs and shattered. A couple of fragments pierced her lung, one of them was just inches from her heart. There’re still a few very small ones lodged in her tissue, but we’d be doing more harm than good by trying to remove them. They shouldn’t cause any issues and come out on their own after some time, but we’ll keep track of them with x-rays.”
As he spoke we passed by kennels, some empty, some with dogs that barked or jumped up on the cage as we passed. I scoured each one for Lucky, my dread building with each one we passed. Suddenly, the doctor stopped in front of me. He inhaled deeply. “I should mention…Given the…circumstances of how she got these injuries, me and some staff will stay with you just in case she becomes aggressive. That’s not to say that I think she will,” he added hastily, “she’s been great with everyone here but…you know, just to be safe.”
“I get it,” I breathed. It made sense. If Lucky attacked me, it would be far more deadly than it would be for a human. And I was confident even a human wouldn’t last long against a half-wolf her size. Fittingly, a group of four humans were gathered at the end of the hallway, catchers in hand.
Time seemed to slow as I approached the pen. The staff members all looked over at me with the same anxious expression. I felt like a prisoner walking toward my judgment, and that perhaps it was me that belonged behind these cages. I swallowed and took a long, slow breath as Gavin opened the gate. He walked in ahead of me. “Hey there big girl,” he said in a chipper tone. I heard the familiar thumping of Lucky’s tail against the floor. Gavin chuckled to himself as the remaining four staff calmly and quietly filed into the pen. Once they were all inside, the final human leaned around the corner, looked me in the eyes for a long second, and nodded once.
A new reality awaited around that corner. My sentence was about to be read. It felt so cripplingly helpless; wanting so desperately to finally be reunited with my best friend, yet trembling at the thought of rounding a corner to run face-first into the consequences of my actions. I steeled myself one last time. I nodded back at the catcher and took slow, deliberate steps toward him. I finally rounded the corner, and for the first time since the incident, I saw Lucky.
She lay on a large, fabric bed, with food and water bowls close by. Her right front leg was bound in a cast, tied up close to her body. A large patch of fur had been shaved away around her chest and halfway up her neck. She seemed thinner than I remembered. It reminded me of the scared, hungry pup I’d met so long ago.
Her eyes tracked onto mine instantly, and I felt an ache that defied all imagination. The same gaze that would send almost any other Venlil scrambling down the hallway instead gripped some inner part of me in a cold, numb stasis. I couldn’t move. Part of me wanted to run to her and spill out how sorry I was. Another wanted to curl up on the floor right there and sob, returning to that familiar numbness that seemed akin to the ancient enemy of life itself. The cold. That bitterness that pierced through fur, through flesh, through bones, and any ideal held by the naive child that sat next to Tenga’s corpse that day. It ran through until there was nothing left.
Then, I felt a warmth as if someone had draped a blanket over me. I gripped my poncho around my shoulders, grabbing it tightly. I made a quiet promise to myself there and then. Not a promise to my sister, or my parents, or Andrea. Me. I wouldn’t lie down in the cold. Never again. One more hill.
“Hey Lucky,” I said, my voice coarse and breaking every syllable.
The silence was abruptly broken as Lucky, though seemingly frail, shot to her feet. Everyone in the room shifted, prepared for the worst. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel my heart pounding in my legs, my body preparing to bolt. The staff watched her carefully, their grip slightly tightened around their polls. Lucky made no sounds, only stared at me, her nostrils flaring as she gathered my scent. Her right front leg was useless, immobilized against her body. She shifted her footing to steady herself. Then I saw something that replaced fear with tears. She was shaking like a leaf, never taking her eyes off me. She could care less about the others. She was scared. Of me.
I felt myself fall off a ledge in a sensation I’d become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. Tears streamed down my face, my breath hitching as I brought my paws up to my face. I fell to my knees, the presence of the staff had become irrelevant. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I exhaled between gasps. “I’m so sorry.”
So there it was. My new reality. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but it was what I expected. I didn’t know what I’d do then, and I didn’t know now. Could I go on without Lucky? She was the one fortress in the turbulent seas of my broken mind. She was the one I could always count on. The one that I knew would always be there, no matter what. Now I was convinced she was terrified of me.
I sat there a shattered mess for a long moment, tumbling off that cliff and reaching out for anything to catch myself, but found nothing but jagged stones. I felt a hand on my shoulder, Doctor Gavin attempting to comfort me, I assumed. Until I felt something touch my knee. I looked up, thrown out of the spiral abruptly. Lucky was now just in front of me, licking my leg. I froze, confused. She gently laid down, careful of her bandaged leg as she rested her head on my leg, looking up at me. That was the same leg she’d broken months ago. Finally, I got it. “I hurt you, and you still loved me.”
A wave of relief rushed through me and I looked down at her, eyes glossy with tears. I bent down and rested my head against hers. I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. For the first time in days, I felt whole again.
Lucky still loved me.
First Prev [Next]

Jubilee Metals Group PLC

JLP:LSE
In the last couple of days, it came to my attention that forecasts suggest there will be a 14% global shortage of platinum, thus sparking a price increase. At that I got looking for Platinum Mining companies and after a while I found one that stuck out, drum roll, Jubilee Metals.

• Currently blatantly undervalued with a P/B ratio of 1.03 and a PEG ratio of -0.07. this company is recovering from a 5-year low.
  
• Platinum Prices dropped a few years ago due to the belief that electric cars would eliminate Platinum production, however, this company also mines cobalt and lithium which makes both alternatives attractive.
  
• Market cap of 226.75M so unlike what you penny stockers are used to it has some liquidity.
  
• United Kingdom-based company that operates out of South Africa and Zambia. Year-on-year growth is improving as Jubilee has been building up company assets for Mining.
  
• Very low short-selling activity - almost none - Shown in data provided by S&P Global market intelligence.
  

Thanks for taking time to read,
MVStocks.

Hi so before I get into this I wanna say do not privately message me on this matter. I'm 14F and my relationship with food has been broken slowly since 4th grade. In 4th grade I didn't think I was pretty, I never smiled in photos and I just felt worthless. Compared to other girls in my class they were all pretty, wore dresses and smiled. They were popular, I felt like I needed to pick up on that but when I looked down at my stomach I started to think I was fat.
To "resolve" this issue I started eating a lot one day then barely eat the next and this continued up for about two weeks before I stopped because I simply couldn't do it anymore. In 5th grade COVID happened and so I relied on the Internet for a lot of things, I've also gotten a boyfriend around the same time and we were fine but the relationship was one sided.
He ended up cheating on me with someone else in our friend group and I was "fine" with them dating but on the inside I wasn't. I'd see them act lovely dovey in our group chat and so eventually I distanced myself. Something happened and I eventually left because on the daily the older people in that friend group continued to ask me NSFW things like draw feet of the character I had and also drew NSFW of my character without my consent or knowledge.
I was really uncomfortable with this and they were all racist, I didn't realize this at all until I left and when I did they started harassing me. They harassed me all summer and on my birthday I just cried and stress ate while on the phone with my best friend at the time. They continued to harass me until I finally gave in so they'd leave me alone.
The friend group broke again and I actually did not care this time however, online school eventually started. (We are not together anymore) I get into a lot of heated arguments and whenever it did genuinely affect me I would stress eat as a way to cope. I was failing all of my classes and no matter what I did I never got my grades up. Online class was terrible and a lot of the time I would join the call but play Roblox or sleep, or I simply would not show up with an excuse. I was held back in the call a lot of times discussing my teacher about specific concerns.
I eventually went back to in person school but it simply just wasnt any better, my old hag of a teacher would tell the entire class i was failing and would make a remark about it trying to be funny. I always never went to school or found a way to skip into going, I would just do the work at home. My grades never improved no matter how much work I did so I just gave up. I graduated but barely. Note, all of my elementary teachers completely quit after COVID.
Anyways, 6th grade started and since I stress ate whenever I was stressed that's all I did. Eat, eat, eat, my mom started to pick up on this and instead of helping me make better choices she would say things to put me down like telling people I waddle, I looked like a pig, called me fatty, etc. I eventually became insecure and cried about it a lot. I continued eating disregarding what she said however, deep down it just hurt. I started going to the doctor and I was 160 at 11.
I wasnt really concerned about it but I was insecure about my stomach. No else said anything about it so I never worried until 7th, I got bigger and eventually became 200. 7th grade was a really hard time for me, I didn't have any friends until nearly October and there was people bullying me for my acne scars calling it chicken pox. I also felt like a complete outcast and thought there wasn't a point in coming to school. I had also made some bad friends who controlled my life, I was always stressed out with them too so a way to cope with it again I ate.
I'm in 8th grade and I'm the worst I've ever been, those bad friends that I made I eventually left and taken care of my myself. I broke the habit of stress eating but nowadays I just eat whenever I'm bored. I've taken care of my acne, trying to refix my hair, I'm overall trying to glow up but I don't know what to do with my body. I've started eating less, I was never taught self control so I'm trying to get into that habit now. I'm drinking more water but I want to get help.
My mom has gotten used to me being fat and hasn't made any nasty remarks about it since I was 11/12. When I complain about my feet cramping she just says it's because I'm fat which I don't really disagree with. I've already gotten advice on how to lose weight and fix my relationship with food but I fear I might already have an eating disorder. Overeating.
Not to mention I believe I also have ADHD, I have a lot of symptoms like not being able to pay attention to things for a long period time or making eye contact well, I struggle with receiving information about things, I procrastinate a lot, I struggle to control my emotions sometimes, I space out A LOT and it actually is a problem when it comes to school. I get sidetracked a lot of the times, there's a lot I can go on about but just know my mom will not get tested and I do not want any medicine for it if I actually have it.
I sometimes can't tell when I'm full so I'll continue to eat a lot of food in big bulks, I skip breakfast a lot and just go straight to lunch, by dinner time I've eaten a bunch of snacks but I'll finish my plate. What should I do and how should I go about seeking professional help?

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This happened a several days ago so this isn’t too recent. Just thought of posting this story on this subreddit right now lol.
Some background: My dad is an immigrant who is EXTREMELY right leaning. He also has a ton of kids with many wives (how many? No clue but I know that I’m the youngest). It’s practically an open secret but he still tries to hide it for some reason.
My parents and I went to this restaurant that we’ve been to many times before. This restaurant has a waitress who’s a trans woman. So we eat and my parents and the waitress have a conversation in their native language. Unfortunately, I don’t know a lick of our language so I’m not sure what was exactly said.
When we go back to the car, my dad randomly tells me, “OP whatever you do, never trust a [word that rhymes with maggot]. You need to vote Republican.” And I’m like HUHHH??? Because first off, that’s a crazy way to start a conversation (though him casually dropping the f-bomb isn’t new). Second, I’m wondering what she said to get my dad to go full transphobe.
My mom explains to me that the waitress said something along the lines of, “Oh, you’re back (@ my dad). Mother’s Day is coming soon, are you coming here again?” Insinuating that he brings his other families to this restaurant.
To which my mom jokingly says, “Maybe with another group.”
Basically, he got called out in public by a minority he despises. (WHICH IS HILARIOUS LMAO I always try to do witty comebacks to my dad whenever he gets like that but he literally doesn’t process anything I say. Shoutout to that waitress you’re my hero!)
The car ride goes smoothly up until we’re almost home and my dad switches gears from hating trans people to hating the Chinese. We were talking about what type of restaurant the three of us should eat at the next time we meet up and he brought up eating Chinese food… which turned into your stereotypical racist rant about Chinese people.
At this point I’m telling him to chill out with that because I’ve never heard him be so blatantly racist to his own race before. Also it’s ironic because I’m pretty sure one of his parents was Chinese. We were already home so my mom and I just dipped.
What I got out of this is that my dad is a white Republican trapped in an Asian immigrant body and that I probably shouldn’t come out to my parents any time soon. Closet’s too cozy for me to risk anything.

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UNMARKED SPOILERS BELOW, I will sadly go into spoiler territorry so often the post would look like a bad SCP Foundation article if I tried to black out every single one.
First thing I thought upon finding out about the Wizard Three in Sigil was to notice an opportunitty to include more iconic characters. As we learned more about their role I noticed several complaints about them. Like, "why are we having epic level NPCs relegating the work to mid-level party"? Or "isn't Tasha evil? What is she doing here?" Or "how the hell did Kas fool Tasha, who knows Mordekainen very well?". And so an idea to fix these issues all at once presented itself to me.
In this version of adventure, the PCs are summonned not by Wizard Three, but Wizard Nine. Nine iconic, high-level wizards or other magic users from across D&D worlds or even beyond. They were all summonned to Sigil, to each tap into one of Outer Planes of appriopriate aligment and channel that power into Wish, so the Will of the entire multiverse wishes of Vecna's death. Once it fails, the wizards realize it means one of them must nto be who they claim, possibly an agent of Vecna. So they immediatelly lock themselves in Sanctuary - only PCs can enter and leave because they weren't i nthe room doing the casting of that super Wish. And every time they return with next piece of the Rod, they find Wizards in most disfunctional game of Among Us ever, often probably erupting into violence - this is nine geniuses working AGAINST each other as everyone suspects everyone.
Now, you could keep the original reveal, where Mordekainen is the imposter. If you do, I would advocate against bringing any magic users who know him, like Tasha, Elminster, Storm Silverhand or Dalamar the Dark. If you decide to change the imposter's identity, you can happily bring in some of them, but I would avoid those who know each other (so if you want Elminster, then no Mordekainen or Dalamar).
Evil characters can work with this group because of several reasons, which they should be open about. They may vary from "You think I don't realize Vecna is going to screw ME over alongside everyone else", through "uppity gods need to be put in their place, especially this one" to "I would love what the guy is promising to do to all creation, but I'm not bending my knee to NOBODY!".
Below is a list of proposed characters to use from as many worlds I could think of. I will be comign back to this post to add more names and more worlds with further research, potentially going even beyond strictly D&D settings. You ca drop your own suggestions, I will happily add them to the list with next edit. All requirements are that the character is able to cast 9th level spells, if you have any notes for potential DM willing to use them, please provide them as well.
Eberron - I noticed most of suggestions for Eberron are of evil variety, due to the setting's lack of high-level heroic NPCs (with two exceptions that cannot leave their seats of power), but we'll work with what we have

• Mordain the Fleshweaver is the most popular suggestion, being a rare Chaotic Evil 18th level Wizard in Eberron. An issue is that Mordain is often used, and even recommended by Keith Baker to be used as Eberron's stand-in for Vecna. If you wanna run adventures with Hand or Eye of Vecna in Eberron, they are hand and Eye of Mordain. This may disqualify him, but you could alternatively play into it. Have Mordain rant Vecna is "ripping him off" or call the lich "a pale immitation of true dark sorcery".
• Hektula is Keith Baker's personal choice for a standin for Tasha. She is a pwoerful Rakshasa Archmage, with passion for collecting forbidden tomes of dark magic, serving one of the Overlords and firmly Lawful Evil. I certainly could see some laughs when wizards realize there's an impostor among them and all eyes turn towards Hektula, who goes "Of course, blame the shapeshifter!".
• I have seen floated idea for Sora Kell or her three daughters. The Daughters canonically in 3rd edition had levels 10 or 11 on top of being half-fiend Hags. You could maybe handwave that they get to cast 9th level spells as a coven, Sora Kell is more ambigious, with no statblock and her lore giving vibes of Baba Yaga, fans compare her to Demon Lords in power level. Personally I feel she would stand out too much.

Exandria (Critical Role) - I noticed most Exandria characters don't reach this high level - even Circle of Brass from Calamity were level 15. However, I found two options to provide a bit of fanservice for any critters at your table, both Chaotic Good:

• the Mighty Nein Reunion got us level 20 versions of Caleb Widogast, so he's great excuse for a DM to do their best Liam O'Brian impression of angsty bi diseaster wizard who really wishes he was back with his boyfriend, instead of being trapped here with all those asshole wizards.
• Not a wizard but a Bard, but if you want to bend a defintion a bit, Scanlan Shorthalt could be pulled out from a moment in time before he lost an ability to cast Wish. Considering this happens in final episode of Campaign 1 and their final enemy was Vecna, it would be thematically appriopriate.

Krynn (Dragonlance)

• Raistlin Majere is by FAR msot iconic character of the entire Dragonlance, the go to if you want to include an iconic Dragonlance character. Dragonlance Saga 15 anniversarry lists his aligment as Neutral, while 3rd edition book Legends of the Twins lits him as a Neutral Evil - the latter is after he becomes master of Time and Present and so powerful enough to be included.
• Dalamar the Dark - after Raistlin's demise, Dalamar was touted as new most powerful wizard, he was paired with Mordekainen and Elminster to form original Wizard Three. He is also listed as Neutral Evil, but I would argue he could be Lawful Evil.
• Fistandantilus - the greatest wizard before Raistlin, he is also Neutral Evil, but I woudl argue he's more CHaotic Evil, due to his tendency to backstab other wizards to steal their power. I honestly cannot see this guy working in this adventure, he seems like he would try to bodyjack someone and get 8 Desintegrates to the face.
• Phalin Majere - if you want a good-aligned representative of Krynn, Raistlin's nephew, Phalin is basically a magical prodigy and chosen one and firmly Lawful Good. The issue may be that it may be hard to find a time where he is powerful enough to be here, but before Wizard magic on Krynn went away (because all Gods, including Gods of magic, f*ed off to space and then had the whole planet stolen from under their noses) and he had to reclass to Sorcerer, starting all the way from the bottom.

Magic the Gathering - there are many worlds in this franchise, but they're often very shallow, so I will group this stuff together.

• My first pick would be Liliana Vess, originally from Dominaria, nowadays hanging out on Arcavios, home world of Strixheaven. Strixheaven book lists her as true neutral, and she has a history full of twists and turns where this character development from original evil could be justified. Personality-wise she could be the easiest quick replacement for Tasha, even if you don't feel like putting in the whole group of nine wizards. Also if you have player bringign back a Curricullum of Chaos PC for this game I can only imagine their jaw drop upon seeing "Provesso Vess" among greatest wizards in the Multiverse, snarking at all of them.
• Teferi Akosa, originally from Dominaria, now his homeland of Zalfir became a separate plane. He was always extremely powerful, what if accidentially phasing his whole country out of time and space, he was always heroic and good intended, but often prone of getting unwaranted suspictions from others, which makes him good for this kind of plot.
• From Ravnica we could pull either Jace Beleren or the dragon-mage Niv-Mizzet, during their respective time as the Living Guildpact, representative of all 10 Guilds of Ravnica. In this position their could fit well for neutral-aligned places of aligment chart, Jace leaning towards Neutral Good or Lawful Neutral somewhat more.
• Speaking of Dragons, here is a crazy idea - Nicol Bolas, one of greatest villains in Magic as Chaotic Evil representative. Okay, it may be not a good idea, I cannot imagine a situation where he doesn't try to hijack the plot and take Vecna's place or just kill everyone when the problem of potential traitor arises. Still, the idea of this really evil demigod-drgon being his petty, snarky self towards other iconic characters is kinda funny.
• For a reach more into Magic's past, we have Urza, original protagonist. He would fit well into Lawful Neutral or even Lawful Evil role, considering last time he dedicated himself to stop multiversal-level threat, original Phyrexia, his means quickly "begun resembling Phyrexian ends". This is the guy who honestly tried to outeugenics a wizard nazi "for greater good". Seriously, so much of Magic lore can be summed up with words "Local Man Ruins Everything" and picture of Urza.
• A different type of Magic candidate is Jodah, ultrapowerful Archmage who is not a planeswalker like others, but had often maneuver around them, so he is used to having to outsmart powerful people. He represents all colors of mana so he would fit for any of middle collum positions.
• Jodah old associate, Jaya Ballard, could also work very well, considering she did eventually ecame so powerful some planes confused her with a diety and established religions to her. She strikes me as a Neutral Good candidate.

Mystara - one of my beloved classic worlds, poses an issue because it never conformed to classic 9-types aligment, isntead opting for lawful (defined as "altruistic") and chaotic ("selfish"). A rare exception, 2e book Glantri: Kingdom of Magic, was a big help here.

• Prince Haldemar of Haaken - protagonist of series of short stories "Voyage of Princess Ark". Daring explorer, captain of flying ship Princess Ark, hero of Empire of Alphatia. Champions of Mystara describes him as good and heroic but having "typical Alphatian chaotic thendencies". As such I'd lean towards Chaotic Good or Neutral Good.
• Bargle the Infamous - Chaotic Evil, if D&D ever had something close to the Joker, it was Bargle. Bargle was originally an evil wizard who kills mentolove interest of the player in introductory adventure of Red Box, but this made him enemy #1 of whole generations of players and elevated to first iconic evil wizard. I would be wary of using him, as any D&D veteran or grognard may forget about Vecna in favor of trying to strangle the guy with his bare hands.
• Demetrion Karagentreropolus - most powerful Archmage in Empire of Thyatis (think: fantasy Roman Empire), he is of lawful aligment and described as sometiems working secretly to undermine Emperor's decisions that he finds to be bad for the Empire and its people. As such he could slot as Lawful Good.
• Empress Eriadna the Wise of Alphatia - current Empress of Alphatia, canonically of Neutral aligment, she rules msot powerful empire in the world and probably haven't conquered all of it only because her subjects care more for magical research and getting high. She's 80-years old.
• Prince Zandor - 40-years old son of empress Eriadna, described as "chaos personified", his aligment is "Chaotic (very)". Thanks to Mr. Welch it became popular to play him as wizard version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Use him if you want a comic relief.
• Master Terari - former Emperor of Alphatia, he abdicated in favor of Eriadna and disappeared, he now runs magic school in a small kingdom of Karameikos, he is working to ascend to Immortality (basically godhood without calling it so).
• Principalities of Glantri have multiple Princes of various all kinds of aligment. The country got 2e book which gave them classic aligment., I will list them below, but two I would avoid are Eitienne d'Amberville and Jaggar von Drachenfels, since they are actually Immortals (Rad, patron of magic and Diamond,, discount Bahamut, respectively). Immortals officially aren't Gods, but this is often a distinction without difference, so I cannot see them showing up in Sigil without Lady of Pain nuking the whole building.
• Princess Carnelia de Belcadiz y Fedorias (Lawful Neutral, extremely beautiful, known for her horrible temper) and Princess Carlotina Erewan ((LG, basically discount Galadriel) rule two Elven principalities, the latter rules more traditional Elves, the former's subjects are...Spanish Elves. Yes, really. They do not like each other.
• On the evil side we have Prince Morphail Gorevitch-Woszlany (wizard Nosferatu, which is like Vampire with less weaknesses, he's Strahd on steroids), Princess Dolores Hilsbury (actually a Night Dragon, undead dragon-shaped mosnter, in disguise) and Prince Brannart McGregor (lich, he's actually from real-world Scotland, I kid you not). All three are Chaotic Evil and hide their true nature, though considering Morphail looks like he walked out of set of Dracula, they aren't trying very hard.
• Rounding Glantri princes we have Prince Jherek Virayana (Neutral, master of illusions, he deflected to Glantri from their mortal enemies, Ethengar Khanates, so he is used to being under suspiction for treachery) and Prince Harald Haaskinz (LG, he's kinda new guy in the club).

Oearth (Greyhawk)

• I don't want to spend much time on Oerth since I suspect anyone using this will use either Mordekainen and/or Tasha, who are already in the module. But some alternatives could be any of wizards who have spells named after them - Bigby is neutral, Tenser is Lawful Good, Leomund is Lawful Neutral or Lawful Good, Nystrul is Neutral, Rary is Neutral Evil

Toril (Forgotten Realms)

• Alustriel was already included. She and her five sisters (not counting Dove Silverhand, who is a Ranger and a Ghost) all fit similair role as "big good immortal sorcerress". With exception of Alassra Silverhand a.k.a. Simbul the Witch-Queen, who is Chaotic Neutral, they're all Chaotic Good, so I see little point switching Alustriel for another one if you want CG spot to be fit by someone from Toril. I would also be wary of using Storm Silverhand, who, according to Ed Greenwood, helped real Mordekainen recover after his role in Curse of Strahd and has a "friends with benefits" relationship with him.
• Elminster is also Chaotic Good, I don't get why WotC shy away from using him. I get he is controversial, but his exclusion has been kinda awkward here. They really don't think Kas can fool Elminster, but he can fool Tasha? As far as I know only one of them slept with Mordekainen, like come on! Anyway, if you want to use him, Elmisnter is also Chaotic Good, so kinda redundant with other Choosen of Mystra.
• Larloch the Shadow-King or Szass Tam could each work as a powerful lawful evil lich, that allies with the good guys out of spite against interloper god that dared throw their weight around and claim godhood over THEIR world. Larloch in particular is no stranger of going against gods and their servants, who seek to rewrite rules of magic that is basic of his power - just ask Shar and her servants at Shade Enclave.
• While characters from Baldur's Gate 3 end their adventure around 13th level, Book Minsc & Boo's Journal of Villain contains statblocks of multiple characters from previous two games. Edwin Odesserion, infamous Red Wizard of Thay, is among them, powerful enough to fit in the group.

Domains of Dread (Ravenloft) - I put this one last because of unique use we could have out of Domaind of Dread in this campaign. You see, we know that characterstrapped in Demiplane of Dread cannot leave that easily, they need Dark Powers' permission. And Dark Powers are backing up Kas. I have also seen multiple complaints how both main antagonists of this campaign - Vecna nad Kas - are absent from most of it, with many ideas being thrown around about having Kas as an active rival that competes for pieces of the Rod. It occured to me that he may play that role, while we still have an impostor - another character trapped in Demiplane of Dread could be working with Kas and the Dark Powers in exchange for their freedom. This way we could even allow PCs to sherlock holmes who the traitor is between collecting different pieces of the Rod, and still can have Kas show up with hordes of monsters to steal the Rod later. All that matters is they do not impersonate a character of the same aligment. Here are some candidates for this role:

• from Forgotten Realms, we could reach for semi-official suppliment minsc and Boo's Journal of Villainy, written by lead writer of first two Baldur's Gate games. It suggests an alternate fate for main villains of Baldur's Gate II - Jon Irenicus and his sister Bodhi - that places them in Demiplane of Dread, leading their own evil cult working towards their escape. He is neutral evil, she is Chaotic Evil
• From Mystara we have Meredoth, main antagonist of classic Ravenloft module Ship of Horrors, condemned to Demiplane of Dread afre his negligence caused his subjects to die of starvation. TWICE!. He is cursed to be unable to discover new magic on his own and having to steal knowledge, so he would be itching, as a mole, to steal from other eight wizards in the room. He's Chaotic Evil.

That's for now, but rest assured, I shall be returning to this post to update it with more characters, potentially more campaign worlds even. Your suggestions whom to add are always welcome.

Hi everyone.
I am Kirix the mech.
I play a power sword/pistol mech build that benches around 37k dps without food or utility buffs. Not the most impressive dps but does the job in all content.
I live in England and I am looking for a guild that does the following:
Strike CM. Raids + CM. Fractals + CM.
I have 12 years experience in gw2 and have cleared all raids and most of the CM. I have a full set of legendary light armour from the raids and the fractal legendary back item.
The only fractal fight I have not done on CM is 100 silent surf due to how shitty and buggy it was at launch.
As for strikes I have done AH on CM and almost killed LA CM with a pug.
Living in the U.K I am 1 hour ahead of server time due to summer time, in winter it's the same as server time. Due to my full time job the following days are good for me.
Monday - 7pm server time or later. Wednesday - 7pm server time or later. Friday - 7pm server time or later. Saturday - 6pm server time or later. Sunday - 6pm server time or later
I'm also nor interested in joining a small group of 5-7 friends who just started a guild as I prefer established guilds with larger rosters.
Nothing personal I just don't like joining little cliques and the drama they tend to have.

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Hi I’m Jake and I’m a 5,2 average build, 21 year old nerd from a small town in Queensland Australia
I am a complete homebody so I’ll probably be available most of the time and I have PC
Also a little bit of a furry. Just letting you know. Also also I do have ADHD but bot heavily, or atleast I think 😅. I definitely tend to have hyper fixations.
Also also I am an aspiring writeanimatoYouTuber. Emphasis on “Aspiring” because I have a tendency to over analyse a subject to death and the fact that if I do anything then it’s gotta be good!
My interests include but are not limited too
-Gaming (I love the classics like COD/Halo/Bioshock/dark souls/ all that stuff!)
-Movies and shows ( marvel/DC/Transforms/pacific rim/a lot of war movies/star wars/star trek/How To Train Your Dragon/Fight Club/Heat/Doctor who/dragon ball/Naruto/Bo Jack Horseman)
-Animation both 2D and 3D
-Philosophy and psychology (I love learning about social economics and geopolitics)
-Military stuff (I’m from a military family on my dads side
-Vehicles (both land, air and sea)
-sports (Group B Rally for ever!)
-Writing (I’ve got a few stories)
-music (my favourites are Hanz Zimmer and John Williams) (also I have a tendency to think up entire stories when I listen to music and daydream) (I mostly prefer soundtracks and instrumentals)
food (I love cooking healthy!, specifically anything to do with spaghetti Bolognese!)
And much much more!
What am I looking for? Well I’m I’m looking for some honest and genuine long term friends (preferably around the same age as me) to hang out with and play games like halo/COD/ whatever. I want friends who I can rely on and be relied on and can confidently confide in. I also am fine with calling and chatting on discord and stuff.
So if you wanna game and chill with a big ol nerd and play some video games then hit me up and a summary of you like age/sex and who you are as a person would would be very much appreciated!

I've been with my partner [28F] for a little over 10 years and this is both of our first relationship. We have always been sort of long distant (different high school, colleges, grad school) but worked it out by visiting once every few months or daily phone calls. I initially had paranoia of why this person would ever like me but after awhile (~2 years), I was convinced that she truly loves me and she is very loyal (so I have no doubts that she will leave me). Now the problem for me is that, I do not know if I should continue this relationship.
I am generally a pretty optimistic person, enjoy hobbies, and have a good friend group. But I am also currently unemployed (for ~2 years now) and most likely depressed (I do see a therapist) because of that (financial instability, wasting away at home, etc.). Maybe my depression is making my feelings about the relationship worse but I don't really know at this point.
I love my partner but I don't know if I'm convincing myself that I do. She is a lovely and reasonable person but I feel like we are too different. She is depressed (for years) and very pessimistic and is almost the complete opposite from me when it comes to interests (food, hobbies, music, etc.). We don't see each other often (maybe once a week or 2) but when we do, nothing really happens (we just kind of just keep each other company and do our own thing). In the beginning of our relationship, there was so much to talk about but now there's nothing really to talk about. Our phone calls are usually just "how was your day" or "what did you eat". She would get frustrated about how I should give her more "attention" or talk about something, but there really isn't much to say. The arguments we have are usually stuff we like that or things disagree on and she cuts me off by saying she doesn't want to talk about it anymore when things go south whereas I kind of want to resolve it right then and there (I know this is a communication thing and probably a case of I should 'listen' rather than 'solving' but this is something I've been working on). I have been telling myself for years that she will change but I have come to realize more recently that I have no control over that. Obviously, its bad of me to think that way to begin with but I was still young and naïve. I have reached a point where I am frustrated about small things that she do but I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her.
Reading everything above makes it seem like I should break this off and move on but keeps me conflicted are multiple things.

• My partner is moderately depressed and I think that breaking this off will make this extremely worse (suicidal). (She has spoken about this really early in our relationship so this is not a baseless statement).
• My partner does not have many friends, hobbies, or things she enjoys (she doesn't like her job, lifestyle, environment). I have tried to help her by giving her suggestions and advice to improve her life but she doesn't budge, even blames her depression (I understand it is harder for people with depression to break out of that shell). But this just adds on to the first point of why I can leave her, she'll have nobody and will be miserable.
• My fear of what if I can't find someone whose as loyal and loves me for me.
• My thoughts of "it's been 10 years already, I should be committed".
• I have also spent pretty much half my life with her, I don't know how I'll adjust. I'm honestly pretty scared.
• Hopes that once I get a job and become financially stable, everything will work out. But maybe all these thoughts are because I'm of the current situation I'm in and my depression.

TBH I'm not sure if I can even go through with this and maybe I'm just venting but I know that she most likely won't either, so I don't know. There's also a lot of details or things I probably missed but that's it for now.
TL;DR - 10 year relationship, both our first relationship. Opposite interests, hobbies, personalities. Making decision to end is extremely difficult (fears, hopes, negative outcomes?).

Project underway to turn Loughgall Police Station into ‘B Specials’ museum

In early 2024, a committee was established with the vision of creating a permanent display
by Scott Mann May 14, 2024
https://imgur.com/a/rwZljuU
Plans are underway to turn the old Loughgall Police Station into a museum charting the 50 years of the Ulster Special Constabulary.
The project is being spearheaded by the new Ulster Special Constabulary Museum group, who have secured the premises for this purpose.
The Ulster Special Constabulary – which included the B Specials – was formed in 1920 against a backdrop of conflict following the Partition of Ireland, before being stood down in 1970.
The site of the proposed museum is perhaps best known as the location of the Loughgall ambush, when on May 8, 1987, eight Provisional IRA members were killed by the SAS during an attack on the base.
In early 2024, a committee was established with the vision of creating a permanent display devoted to the Specials.
Last Friday, the station was open to the public following a band parade held in the village hosted by Hillhaven Flute Band – giving visitors the opportunity to have a look around and hear the plans for the future of the property.
While the initiative is in its very early days, a fundraising drive is set to be launched to help make the dream a reality.
The organisers told Armagh I that more details will be released in the near future.

Hello guys.
I have a code that creates X amount of sheets based on the amount of unique parts in a purchase order. Each sheet is limited to 50 units of that unique part, so if one part has over 50 units, it will create 2 sheets for that part, and will be named consecutively (For example: Nut, Nut (2), Nut (3), Bolt, Bolt (2), Bolt (3)).
I want to export every one of the sheets that refer to a unique part to a pdf file, which I accomplished with the folowing code:
For Each ws In ActiveWorkbook.Worksheets ws.ExportAsFixedFormat Type:=xlTypePDF, Filename:= ws.Name & ".pdf" Next
Now, for the parts that have more than one sheet, it will create one pdf for each one, and I will have to fuse them later in acrobat.
Is there a way to check if there's more than one sheet that contains the same part (that information is present both in the name of the sheets and the content of it) in order to export those to only one pdf? I still want to export the parts that will have only one sheet, just to group the ones that refer to the same part.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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Yet the FDA hasn't released any official statement or recall because Purina is putting on a hard poker face, denying the allegations of affected pets, which includes almost 1000 FDA reported fatalities. That's just what has been reported. Families like ours, who recently lost a perfectly healthy pet, are just now realizing this may have been the cause.
This needs to get BIG. Tell everyone you know. Bloggers, get blogging. You make videos? Make one on this. Get this info out. Because the FDA and Purina sure aren't.
Some more links for those interested:
What they've admitted to already: https://www.fda.gov/safety/recalls-market-withdrawals-safety-alerts/nestle-purina-petcare-company-voluntarily-recalls-purina-pro-plan-veterinary-diets-el-elemental-dry (Notice they say there will be no announcement until "scientific research has been done."? Well. Who's doing this research and when? How many more pets need to die before they can fit this in their schedule?)
An info site made by pet parents, for pet parents: https://truthaboutpetfood.com/971-pet-food-complaints-reported-to-fda-january-2024/
A Facebook group where this all started to come to light through pet parents sharing their stories: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DuncanStrong/
I actually joined that group way back when our youngest cat was starting to fade. My perfectly healthy kitten who wasn't even 2 years old yet. But I thought he was so terribly sick, there's no way it could be from the food. Had to be something crazy no one could diagnose. He was throwing up non stop to the point he gave up eating. Then his liver shut down, and he passed. Now I'm really questioning everything. My other cat happened to be eating a non-purina brand food because she's a senior and she's fine. Please, switch foods before this happens to you and yours. 💜 🐈🐕👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.