Sad face clipart

🚨 Thomas Tuchel: "This is my last press conference at Säbener Straße. There were talks, but we didn't reach an agreement, so the decision of February still stands"
"It's obviously tough. Results like in the Champions League against Lazio, Arsenal and Real bring you together. The feedback from recent weeks was the foundation for us having a discussion. But we couldn't reach an agreement. I won't name the reasons. The agreement from February stands."
"The job requires full energy, but it also gives me a lot of energy. It is my great passion. For me, a good training session is the basis for an excellent day. There are few better, more fun places than a football dressing room. A trophyless season with Bayern is never satisfactory, no one will disagree with that - including myself. It remains a very disappointing performance in the DFB Pokal, which was unsatisfactory. We are currently second in the Bundesliga and have got a number of points that would have been enough to win the title in nine of the last 11 years, that with injury problems throughout the season and Leverkusen just refusing to lose. That's not something to be ashamed of. The CL season was almost perfect until the 87th minute in Madrid. Losing there in the last seven minutes can happen. You can accept that without having to be ashamed. We are very self-critical. We will never run away from responsibility. We have the right to walk out of this 15 month period with our heads held high"
Tuchel on his feeling: "I'm a bit sad because I don't like leaving teams and a staff. There are 60, 70 people here that you see every day. Also the stewards in the underground car park and the guys in the kitchen. There's a bonding that develops with time. You work closely together for hours every day. It's always difficult."
Tuchel on the personnel for tomorrow: "Harry is receiving treatment from his personal doctor. He cannot travel. He was already at the limit in Madrid. He had a complete blockade in his back, it's gotten worse and bothers him in everyday movements. Leroy and Jamal won't be in the squad. Choupo has the flu, won't be available. Kim is injured, not in the squad. Sacha Boey is definitely not in the squad, for private, sad reasons. Rapha Guerreiro and Serge Gnabry are injured. Kingsley Coman is trying everything to be at the Euros, but won't be in the squad tomorrow"
Tuchel on whether he spoke to Uli Hoeneß after the latter's statements about him: "We met during the second game against Real and put it to rest. There's no point in being resentful. It's OK"
on Goretzka: "He knew beforehand [that he wasn't in Germany's squad]. My assistants have spoken with him. I don't know if it helps taking a lot to him. He's had a very decent season for us, also in various roles. I'm convinced Leon did everything to be included. The disappointment is obviously great"
on Aleks Pavlović: "Sensational. It's a pleasure to see the young lad play. We've always brought in players from the reserves. From the very first training session, we saw something special in him. He was very confident with the way he played. He's also incredibly nice and always comes to training with a big smile on his face. It's a pleasure to see his development. He deserves the greatest praise of all. Everything was absolutely great. He absolutely deserves to be called up for the Euros. Playing in central midfield for Bayern is not easy. He's a nice guy, big credit to him. There's nobody who doesn't wish him well"
"It's been clear to us all since February that the chapter was coming to an end. It's been a turbulent last week. It's important to keep the focus on tomorrow's game and bring it to a fitting conclusion"
Tuchel on whether the lack of a say in transfers for the coach at Bayern compared to England influenced his decision: "It is not my understanding that I should hand over a piece of paper and say: Now get me this player or I'll leave. That wasn't the case in England either. It was always my intention to do my best for the team from a coaching perspective, always in the knowledge that there are also many other components, such as the financial ones. It is always an objective, goal-orientated exchange with the aim of improving the team. Of course, there can be different opinions. I have no reason to complain. I'm still proud today that we got Harry Kane. I was so adamant about Harry that I 'infected' Brazzo with the fire. I stayed firm in the transfer committee and did everything so we get him. That was never a problem and didn't play a role, neither in February nor now"

Hi can someone really tell me how to deal with a b***** colleague who wants to screw at any possible opportunity she gets!? It’s so frustrating! She acts like my friend on my face and hates on me and talks behind my back! She’s also sadly my senior so I have been told that I MUST report to her!!!! Ahhh she’s so fake!!!!!!

After spending months/yrs/days with someone who promised this/that or who convinced us that they are a dependable friend /companion /lovecoworkeacquaintance/parent when the same person turns their back on us overnight ,becomes obnoxiously disrespectful and emotionally abusive and then one fine day they just disappear without any trace and all ur messages are left unanswered . U start questioning ur worth,u start questioning urself on everything and ur deepest darkest fears pop up on ur mind.
U feel depressed and dejected how all ur energy invested into this person becomes futile . U come to realisation how u never truly mattered to them.How u were not even worth a reply to them . How those flowery words and actions were nothing but mere lies spoken to u and u feel dumb to have believed them. U feel reckless insecure and angry and disgusted within urself.
And that's when u learn how good their life is going . They seem happy lively and busy with their life ,posting on social media their large group of friends ,some even hopped into new relationships and how well they are doing in their life . This is what hurts ! The fact that they could get off on the hurting while leaving u like that and mistreating u ,this what aches the most. Most often than not ,we don't want these ghosters back. We subconsciously want them to experience the same pain ,the same agony and months of mental frustration they put us through while they are out there living their life .like a normal human being without any repercussions.
I want u all ghostee to realise one thing ,in this cruel world ,no one owes u anything. Not even ur parents ,family members /anyone . U came to this world alone and u will die alone so take full responsibility of ur life and stop being emotionally driven . Start becoming logically driven. No one owes u anything apology for putting u through pain ,depression . U have to understand that sometimes there will be no justice as is evident when poor people get exploited by rich and continue to maintain that wealth ,where is karma and God then? No where to be found. But that doesn't mean we stop believing in God . Have faith in ur morals and principles. What I mean to say is sometimes there will be no karma for those people who hurt u. No justice will be served . U have to become realistic and accept the reality for it.
U have to soak in the sadness and become mentally stronger and realise ghosters are not great human beings . I don't give a fuck if anyone comes to argue with me on their defence.Anyone who is capable of treating a person like that ,they are trash /assholes and don't deserve to stay in this world. No excuses of hurt people hurt people and all that nonsense . Enough is enough. If they are hurt ,they could have chosen a different pathway. Remember they consciously chose to hurt u because either way u never mattered to them .All trashy excuses against disgusting behaviour can go into garbage .
And to the ghostee- stop being emotional. Get up and improve ur life and become so emotionally and mentally stronger that when u don't give a flying fuck whether u receive an apology or not.yrs down the line. And if u do get one ,make sure to call a spade a spade and be so mentally strong to delete that message without even wasting a breath. And Never Ever Speak To Them Ever Again. U create ur closure by creating a life u can't wait to wake upto. U work on urself and become emotionally and mentally stronger enough . As always remember as John Green quoted "u don't get to choose whether u get hurt in this world but u do have some say in who hurts u " U gotta say in it and ur say is to ignore these individuals for the rest of ur life and never ever waste a breath of urs on them.
P.S - look at ur parents faces and remember when u will fall ill,they will accompany u to the doctor . Not the girl or the guy who ghosted u . Never forgive them . Never ! And if u have no one. Always remember u have urself. Treat urself with respect and work on urself . Everything else will fall into place . Thank you.

i can’t stand her. her tik tok is basically just restrictive wieiad and a bunch of body checks. like why did she feel the need to post this picture with her arms at an angle to point out her collar bones. + the sad face in every single one. Like i get that she’s not happy and im not saying she has to put on a smile but why bother asking your mum to take a picture of you if all you are gonna do is put on a sad face and try make yourself look as sick as possible

Thank you for this universe!
And many thanks to for being a full co-writer on this project!
Kaeden and Vichee belongs to and I thank them so much for working with us! It was an honor!
Sven belongs to Bjorn the Copper Paladin from Discord. I hope to do more with them in the future, and have tons of fun!
And don’t you worry about that final in the title! We have some news at the end!
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}

{Is the reason that everything happened to Tarlim in the first place?}

{Only up to the ramps, mostly. Trying to impress upon people the importance of accessibility for those with extenuating circumstances. At least according to the records I have access to.}

{The average person knows as much about his friends as they do about Mike Collins.}
<...Who?>
{Exactly. 20th century human spaceman, was there for their first lunar landing. Didn’t get to put boots on the ground, and nobody remembers his name now.}

{Hell, I didn’t even know about him until I put in a search query of niche historical figures just to give you an example. Yeesh…}

(Program Selected.)
(Resume Selected Media? [Y])
(Playing…)
Archived Closed Circuit Security Video - Establishment: Exterminator’s Office - Dawn Creek Division - Subbasement - Date Recorded (ST): OCT 31, 2136 - Timeframe (ST): 11:42 - 11:45
The parking bay is silent. Vans are parked neatly in their spots which frame the hallway to the armory and fuel storage for the camera. A ding is heard and something moves in the hallway. Five fully suited Venlil and a Zurulian step out of an elevator and run towards a van. The sound of a door slamming open comes from the hall roughly 6 seconds later. A stream of Exterminators pour out into the hall from the stairwell.
Their voices are indecipherable as they speak over each other. A Sulian runs into the armory and reappears with a huge flamer tank on their back. Another Zurulian can be seen with an extinguisher tank, but a Venlil bleats at them and tosses it aside. They drag the quadrupedal alien quickly into the parking garage before physically throwing them into the back of a van.
From the back of the hallway, a fluid can be seen spreading across the ground. A trio of Venlil back out of a room while holding their flamers up. They are unlit, instead spewing fuel out of their nozzles. The trio twirl around in an overly animated manner as they walk down the hall to the parking garage. A van pulls out of its spot with windows down so the passengers could let out a cheer.
A black-suited Venlil runs up to the spraying trio while waving their arms to get them out into the garage. The microphone just barely manages to catch him saying, “We need to save some for the predators!” One of the other Venlil replies, “Yes sir, Mafchi!” A short flurry of curses is heard as the gathered exterminators pile into the three other visible vans. Two of the vans speed out of the garage, forcing some other Venlil exterminators to dive out of the way in the process.
The black-suited Mafchi picks up a fuel canister that had been dropped and twists off its cap. He slings it under his shoulder and pours a line of fuel. He marches straight to the final van and hops up into the open rear. The van backs itself up to turn out of the garage. The fuel canister clatters to the ground as it pulls away. Before it clears the view of the camera, the Black-suited Venlil is seen standing in its open back. He is holding what appears to be a flare gun.
The flare sails through the air shortly after the van leaves the frame and impacts the ground. It bounces and rolls until it touches the fuel and ignites it in an instant. A small wall of fire proceeds down the provided trail into the hallway, igniting more fuel as time passes. The hallway is quickly engulfed in vividly red fire. Thick black smoke begins to pour out into the garage as the fire inches closer to the primary fuel tank.
Movement can be seen in the hallway between the flickering flames. The silver form of a Venlil Exterminator is seen rushing out of the stairwell and fighting to head towards the fuel storage room. Before they reach, a white flash fills the screen. The feed goes dead, the error code consistent with electrical interruption.
(Specified Media Concluded.)

{Who was what? Mafchi?}

{Hmmm, there aren’t any tags embedded for them. The suits do a rather good job at making the officers anonymous. Let me see…oh.}

{The, uh… the employment records for that Office were…terminated.}

{It looks like…yes, here. Record wipe in 2497. Media with less than 1 bistandannual visit were removed to save space on the university’s central server. It’s…they’re gone, gone gone.}

{Maybe, but that’ll do us no good if we don’t know their name. And because of the chaos of that incident, nobody has been able to accurately reconstruct where every individual was in that office. We’d have to already know who they were to find them.}
<...I guess that’s another person I’ll have to remember then, huh?>
{...Guess so. Speaking of remembering, perhaps you should check out Tarlim’s view again? Seeing how we were just talking about him.}
<...Sure. At least people remember his name, right?>
(Command: [exitprogram])
(Are you sure? [Y])
…
{-Program Selected-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? Y/(N)-}
{-[USERID-11229KMD]: procViewHist -}
{-Retrieving Transcription Viewing History…-}
{-List Retrieved - Select Desired Subject: (Tarlim)-}
{-Restart From Last Playback Point? (Y)/N-}
{-Playing…-}
Memory Transcription Subject: Tarlim, the Venbig. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
No matter how much Sven and Anso griped about it, having them leave and return with the trailer was a great idea. The humans who had gone with them the first time were, to my dismay, excited to try and ride in the back. I had at least been able to impress on those four that I couldn’t let anyone else ride like that, and that they were to help with rigging a trailer with some seats.
I had to admit; they did a good job!
Several couches sat bolted to the floor of the covered trailer and even had some ropes that could be hooked across the armrests as impromptu belts. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it would work as well as any bus or short train ride! Certainly superior to jumping in the bed of a truck.
I strode out into the parking road and swayed my ears to greet Anso. Sven had stayed behind here to meet with the humans and entertain the kids, a job which he was slightly less unenthusiastic about compared to last time. “Greetings, Anso! Have you made the necessary preparations for the humans to leave with you?”
The Yotul hopped out of the truck bed and bounced to me. “We have! I have to say those humans were great workers to have helped get this whipped up so quickly! I hope Sven has been behaving himself?”
I let my tail wag behind me remembering my last glimpse of him. He should really secure his sheath straps! “He has! Been entertaining the refugees while I made sure they all had their belongings ready to go. Come on inside, let’s go gather them.”
I guided him with a wave of my arm as we turned back to the door. To be truthful, I hadn’t expected Sven to win the humans over as quickly as he did. Needless to say, his primitive attire seemed to spark joy within them, a joy sorely needed amidst the sadness of recency.
As we entered the building I noticed something, or rather, the lack of something. When I had exited only a few [minutes] prior, the building had been full of life and noise. Now, it was almost dead quiet, save for the sounds of a holovision coming from the lobby. Rather heated sounds, at that.
“I didn’t think it was already main rest claw,” Anso mused as he, too, recognized the aggravated voices coming from the lobby. “And what are they watching in there? Sounds…angry.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off as I followed the noises. As I approached the lobby, the sound of what I assumed was a Gojid yelling. “You know nothing about my family. TALK, JUST FUCKING TALK, NOW!” My ears pinned back at the foul language at play, hoping that Sven and the children were somewhere else.
As I entered the room, I saw that I was only half right. The children were thankfully nowhere to be found, but Sven was obviously present, as was most of the facility staff. I was about to ask what was going on before another voice drew my attention to the holovision, the same as everyone else. The voice of none other than Chief Nikonus.
“There were three of us who laid out the groundwork for the Federation. When Kolshian explorers came in contact with the Farsul, more than a thousand years ago, the galaxy was young. We were the first in this sector to escape our gravity well. You know about the founding of this institution, but I reiterate it just in case.”
“The Krakotl were the third,” another voice piped up from behind the camera. I thought it might’ve been another Gojid, but the voice was far too breathy. Harchen, maybe? I wasn’t given a chance to consider it further as Nikonus continued. “Yes, they were a problem from the start; aggressive, disagreeable. We tried to identify the problem, and why they were so ill-equipped for spacefaring.”
“We learned they were scavengers, who would occasionally go for fish as well.”
His next line was rendered inaudible by the shocked gasps of both the refugees and residents in the room. I was no different, drawing in a sharp breath at the abrupt admission. I remembered that Arvi had said some aliens were revealed to have eaten meat in the past, but was this the way it was decided to be revealed? With such abject callousness?
Nikonus continued to speak, looking not just proud, but smug with his words. He went on about how the Federation had saved these aliens with their manipulations, but the entirety of his body language seemed to indicate he reveled in how devastating this information would be to the people he was speaking to. How they manipulated an entire culture, a RELIGION!
What if they did the same to ours?
That horrifying thought struck through my mind like a derailing train. I had relied upon the Tenets in some of my darkest moments. Found comfort in them when there was none elsewhere to be found. To have such a comfort revealed as a lie in its entirety, used only for some other group to control you…
The voice of Nikonus hit my ears again. “Oh Sovlin, I already told you. For the small minority of species who don’t find herbivory alone, we teach them the right way. Doesn’t the religion against predators sound familiar?”
The Kolshian was insufferably proud of those words. There was no doubt in my mind now; this was mocking. Mocking a Gojid for following The Protector. For being a predator. For being different, but expecting to still be treated as a person. The Gojid were predators, they couldn’t help it, and they were already being mocked for it.
What might happen to all the other species?
I shifted my focus away from the screen to the crowd, searching for one in particular. Vichee, a Krakotl already so different from everyone else, and now my concerns for them were multiplied with every word that fell from Nikonus’ mouth. Were they okay? They had come in here to see Sven, I had seen them. Where are-
I spotted Kaeden in the corner of the room. Next to him, slumped against the wall, was Vichee. The dual colored Krakotl’s eyes were glazed over as they stared at nothing. I strode over quickly, my instincts wanting to comfort them. Kaeden was simply standing there, it was confusing that he didn’t seem to be comforting Vichee at all. As I got closer, their head tilted up to me, regarding me with an unfocused eye.
“He was right.” They said quietly. My implant almost didn’t pick it up over the sounds of the lobby. “Kaeden had asked me soon after our first meeting if Krakotl had once been meat eaters. Said it was the shape of our beaks. ‘More suited to capturing small wriggling prey than filtering algae’. He told me. I nearly flew away right then… If I had, I would have been alone with this news.”I listened, kneeling down to be closer to their level. “You’re not alone, your herd is here. Right Kaeden?”
He looked over at me and nodded. “Vichee was there with me when Earth was attacked. I’m here for them now. Kaabra and Venik are… together, elsewhere at the moment. But they will be here too.”
I flicked my ears in understanding. “Then I hope they may help in hugging Vichee until their tears are dry.” I turned an eye to Vichee. “Please, I just want you to know that you are still you. What your body does has no effect on your personhood.”
Vichee still sat, their mind still likely whirling with the new information. They lifted their differently colored wings. “I’m well aware. This lesson I already learned. But thank you, I understand what you mean.” Kaeden nodded slowly and Vichee returned to their thoughts.
“There’s going to be trouble soon, Tarlim,” Kaeden stated gravely. “News like this? Nothing good will come of it. I can already tell this won’t go over well. Keep your eyes open.”
As if in response to his words, the sound of clanking metal hits my ears. They shoot up, pivoting to locate its source. There, dashing towards the door, was the armored figure of Sven. I didn’t know him enough to know how this broadcast would affect him, but running was never the best sign. I flicked my ears goodbye to my friends and rose, following after the metal man. In my periphery, I saw the television screen had shifted to show Rolem moving onto the stage. I would have to miss whatever it was he had to say, so ducked through the doors and continued to follow the sound of metal.
As I exited, I saw that I wasn’t the only one to see Sven’s actions. Anso was bounding behind him, shouting something I couldn’t hear. Sven didn’t seem to either as he kept running, but his gait wasn’t one of fear. He looked purposeful, sprinting in a straight line. A line pointed right towards-
Towards the observing Exterminator Van.
The metal Venlil didn’t even hesitate at the presence of the fence. He leapt up in a display of strength and agility, vaulting over the barrier and continuing his beeline into the van. It was like phased through the doors with how fast he moved. There were sounds of commotion that followed his entry, and soon two Exterminators fell out of the van. One Venlil…and one Krakotl. I wonder how Kalek is taking things.
I, too, cleared the fence with only a high step and reached the van, peering in to see Sven at the controls. “Sven! What are you doing?” I asked, the Krakotl officer shivering on the ground in my periphery.
“They got my girl!” He huffed, “She’s a Gojid, they got her, I can’t let them do anything worse to her!” He tried to activate the vehicle to no avail, but his words brought up something that I hadn’t thought much over. I remember hearing about temporary emplacements that were being set up. Paly had texted me about exterminators bringing people there. Her too. And that would mean-
-THOOOOOOOMMMMM-
The wind hit me like a truck and rocked the van I was standing next to. Sven even stopped trying to fiddle with the controls to see what had just happened. In the distance, near the center of town, an enormous black cloud rose into the air, the vestiges of fire still burning in the suspended embers. I couldn’t look away from it as my mind raced with horrible possibilities as my mind tripped over itself trying to concoct a plan of action.
I wasn’t given long to think before the radio in the van crackled to life, startling both Sven and myself. “Attention all True Exterminators! The truth has come out about the taint in our midst! For too long we have lived with its danger in our presence! If any of you still hold the safety of The Herd in your hearts, come join us so we may burn ALL the predator taint from this District! Rendezvous at Vulen’s apartment complex, we shall start our cleansing there!”
The name of one of my landlords sparked familiarity in my mind. They had been working to build a series of new apartments to add to his old, and if I remembered, had agreed to house the Gojid refugees. The Gojid! Paly was housed with them!!
In an instant, I reached into the van and grabbed Sven by the arm. He tried to pull away, but my grip was too strong. “Sven! They’re gonna kill the Gojid! They’re gonna burn Paly!”
He finally managed to shake himself free as my paws became jittery from stress. “I gotta save my girlfriend! She’s in a facility! I gotta save her!”
“But they’re gonna burn people here!” I protested, “we have to do something! We need- We need People who can fight them! Kaeden! I need to get Kaeden! We can save them!”
I pulled myself away from the van and spotted Anso nearby. He must have had to go through the gate, but this was good timing. I pointed a claw at him. “Do Not Let Him drive off before I get back!”
I didn’t give him, nor the Exterminators who had recovered from their shock, time to ask questions. Paly was in danger, as were who knew how many others. I faintly heard my data pad chime from within my shoulder bag, the signal my heart was beating too fast, but I couldn’t deal with it right now. I could get the heart rate under control during the drive. Right now I needed Kaeden, he knew how to fight! How to save people when others were trying to kill them!
My paws guided me and I was back in the cafeteria before I knew it. Some of the crowd had dissipated, but Kaeden and Vichee were still in the same corner I had left them in, but with their Venlil friends now joined. Without leaving time for protest, I grabbed Kaeden’s arm and pulled him away. I heard Vichee squawk behind me, but I was in too much of a hurry. I can’t let her get hurt. I Won’t.
Kaeden started to slap my arm as I dragged the soldier across the lobby. “Tarlim! What the fuck are you doing?? What’s going on?”
“No time, they’re going to burn everyone,” I breathlessly said as I burst the facility doors open to get him to the van.
“What? Who?” Kaeden questioned, still resisting my pull. I could hear a tinge of worry in his voice, and I knew he would understand. Anso looked back from his position as he heard my approach, and upon seeing me dragging Kaeden along, he grew visibly concerned.
“On the radio, something about True Exterminators,” I attempted to explain to him as we neared the gate doors. This time, I simply spread them apart with my free paw, metal screeching against itself as the gate was forced open. “They’re going to burn every cured species they can find, and That Means Paly. I Won’t Let Them.”
Kaeden had stopped struggling as I explained the bare essentials to him, and once we approached the van, he finally had enough sense to ask the right questions. “So what exactly is the plan to stop them? We’re strong, sure, I could probably take most of them. But just two of us against a wall of those flamers?”
“Not two,” I corrected, letting go of his arm and throwing open the back doors of the van. Still seated in the drivers side was Sven, who looked back once he heard me permit entrance into the back. “We have him too.”
“Wh- the LARPer??” Kaeden asked incredulously. I wasn’t familiar with the term he used, but his tone told us all we needed to know. Sven’s eyes narrowed at the perceived insult, but Kaeden continued. “Do either of you have any formal military training?? Rushing down there is only going to get you both killed along with the others! For fucks sake, slow down! We need a plan!”
“T-There won’t be t-time f-for one,” a voice peeped in from behind us. We all turned to face the source, and we found it was the Venlil Exterminator. They recoiled under the sudden gaze of our entire party, but they managed to continue. “I-I recognized the v-voice. It w-was one of the n-new recruits. They m-might as well be Y-Yulpa. If you w-want to stop them, it’s now or n-never.”
We all stared at them for a moment in disbelief that they’d willingly hand over that information to us. They were Exterminators, weren’t they? They should be allied with the voice on the radio! Kaeden, after considering the information, gave voice to my confusion. “And why are you telling us this? You’re an exterminator, shouldn’t you be trying to help them?”
“M-My husband is the Krakotl that was in the van with me!” They yelled back, stamping their footpaw on the ground in agitation. “I-I don’t care what his ancestors did a t-thousand years ago, I will not stand for those zealots burning who knows how many people! We’re not all the same, h-human!”
I was taken aback by their words. I had given up hope that there were any redeemable souls amongst the ranks of those silver-suited brahkasses, but living proof of the contrary stood before us. Their breathing was only matched by mine as my pad continued to chime in my pack. Maybe there’s hope after all.
Kaeden started frantically looking all around, his focused gaze falling on the facility, the exterminator in front of us, and the rising smoke in the distance. After a moment's hesitation, he growled to himself and shook his head. “Fine! Fucking- if you want to prove you’re different, you and your partner stand guard at the gate! They’ll probably try to send a division here, so keep on guard! And for the love of God, go ask for help if that happens!”
My tail wagged behind me as I interpreted what that meant. “So you’ll help us, Kaeden?”
He paused for a second, an agonizing second as he fully took in the situation in his mind. But ultimately, he nodded. “Let’s go, we can figure things out along the way.”
Seizing the moment, Anso quickly jumped into the van and pushed Sven out of the driver's seat, much to their visible frustration. Kaeden quickly hopped into the passenger seat, leaving me with the problem of finding a space that would fit me. I stepped over to the back of the van and threw the doors open.
The flamers and their fuel tanks were useless to us, easy to toss all three sets out onto the ground behind me. I made sure that the flamers were disabled first, of course. Just had to snap the pilot lighters and slice a hose with my claw. Even if these two said they weren’t like these “True Exterminators” I didn’t trust them one bit. I crawled inside the cramped vehicle and wiggled myself to close the doors behind me.
As I got myself settled, I watched as the Venlil Exterminator started to inspect the destroyed remains of their weapons. I squinted a glare at them and positioned myself so they couldn’t enter with me. “You two aren’t coming,” I hissed. “You know why you’re not. Try anything with the humans, and they will stop you.”
I slammed the doors shut as their expressions fell, just in time for Anso to get the van into gear. I curled myself up against the wall of the van, watching out the back window as we sped down the road. We were on our way now. On our way to save Paly and all the people gathered because their ancestors ate meat. My heart hammered in my chest, but I would need to control it for what we were about to do. I needed to focus. I needed to breathe. I needed to be calm.
Focus. Breathe. Calm
Focus.
Breathe.
Calm…
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Memory Transcription Subject: Sol-Vah, Fleeing Predator. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
My legs couldn’t carry me anymore. I had to keep going, but I didn’t have the strength. My pants became wheezes as my body struggled to keep up with the physical exertion of running almost halfway through town. I hadn’t even looked up before now, at least with eyes not blinded by tears. The pain of Mute’s rejection still stung in my soul, a pain so visceral it threatened to rip me apart worse than any Arxur. Protector, what did I do to deserve this? Is there even a Protector, or did the Federation just- just make that up?
I didn’t have time to think about that now, I needed to get to the office. From what little I caught of the broadcast, Nikonus had said they saved us before. I knew what it likely was, but…I was desperate. I just wanted to go back home and have him embrace me like he did before. The safety and love I had felt from him was still fresh in my mind, and if there was any chance I had to get it back?
I’ll happily take it.
As I approached the office, however, something seemed off. I could smell soot in the air, but not the kind of soot that came from our flamers. This was- was…dirtier smelling, as if the fuel had been impure. Upon looking up, however, I saw something that made my stomach drop. A huge plume of smoke, billowing up into the sky. It shadowed the sun itself with its immensity and hate. Did the Exterminators burn more drugs? Or…or…
I felt a renewed vigor as I started to run towards the plume, hoping against hope that I was wrong. As soon as I turned the corner, though, my worst fears were realized. Where the office once stood now sat a burning stack of glorified rubble, every single window in sight shattered and multiple holes in the outer walls. The building was split, it was as if a giant knife had come down and sloppily sliced off its front half to spill flaming debris everywhere.
I stood in front of the building I had once called my home, surrounded by screams and the awful sound of flames roaring. I knew now there was no hope of salvation, no way this could ever be undone. I would never be able to go back to the way things were, never feel the happiness I had for that brief time. I was doomed to this life, abandoned by my love, and forced to live as an abomination devoid of a home.
I suppose that’s all a predator like me deserves.
[First]- [Prev]- {Next Story!!}
You read it right: This is going to be the final chapter of "Of Giants and Journalists." With the conclusion of Sharnet and Vekna's adventure, we will now take the time to show how this announcement has affected our characters and the galaxy at large. We're excited to announce our new series, Nature of a Giant: Aftermath! This series will not be quite as in-depth temporally as Of Giants and Journalists was, mainly because not as much will be happening in as short of a time. Rest assured, though, there will still be plenty of action across the board! You just won't have to deal with over half the story only covering a week of time!
In that vein, we are also excited to announce we are working on another bonus series, one that was teased a long time ago, Venric Lawven: Legal Legend! It will be filling the gap for content while we work on the first few chapters of Aftermath to make sure the scenes are as quality as they deserve, but will have a reduced upload schedule to once a week to accommodate for writing two series at once. On behalf of both of myself and , we'd like to thank all of our readers for sticking with us on this journey. It's hard to believe this series has been going on for over a year in one form or another, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Thank you all again for your continued support, and we look forward to seeing you again with Legal Legends! And then...
The Aftermath!!

my partner and i just watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and we SWEAR the line “Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again.” is in a lil peep song somewhere (possibly coldhart, horsehead, lil tracy, suicideboys, or similar), but we can’t find it anywhere D:
we think it was a slower beat, sad song. older too.
pls help we are so desperate to find this song, it’s driving us insane !!!!!

Last night my childhood dog revisited me.
As a late teen / early adult I lived in the downstairs area of my parents house. When I was there the area got renovated and things got moved around more times than I can count. To lay it out; we had the garage the led down to the main room. To the left was my bedroom. Going straight led to the main basement.
In my dream things weren't exactly the same but I wasn't complaining. She was as happy to see me as she always was. I was sitting on a chair and even though she wasn't exactly a lap dog, she tried her best. Tail wagging as hard as she could. Licking my face. It was the happiest I had been in a long time.
This made me more reminiscent of our time together. Especially the endless sleepless nights in that room together. It's sad but she was and always will be my best friend and the best girl.

Help me please! My 4 year old has a problem with hitting/throwing things when he's upset or wants attention, including hitting friends at school so now I'm not letting him go to the zoo.
Yesterday, my son had a pretty good day, no reports from school, was listening pretty well before school and after. Got ready for bed without a fight...until actual bedtime. I told him to go upstairs with his dad to go to bed, and he decides right then and there would be a good time to throw my slipper at my face. I tell him no, we don't throw and tell him to go to bed. He then throws my other slipper, this time hitting me in my eye. I tell him that he is no longer going on his field trip to the zoo the next day. He then hits me and starts crying, I tell him this behavior is why he is no longer going to the zoo and he eventually gives up and goes to bed.
My issue is...the mom guilt is creeping in. I don't want him to miss the zoo, but he also needs to understand that hitting aand throwing things is not acceptable. He's been excited about the field trip all week and I volunteered to chaperone so he was excited to have me there and it's breaking my heart a bit thinking about him being sad about not going.
I guess I just need some reassurance because I know that if I give in tomorrow and let him go, he won't take me seriously in the future, and I've given in on smaller things so I feel like he doesn't anyway. We've tried taking away things, encouraging when he doesn't hit. Holding his hands until he can have "nice hands". Saying, "I'm not going to let you hit me/your sistedaddy" and walking away, time outs...sometimes they work, other times...not so much....so this feels like a "big consequence".

Guo Wengui touted things to the sky all day long, from farms to Xi Yuan, he declared, "Xi Yuan's encryption capabilities and future payments, as well as the future exchange with the US dollar, will create history, is the only stablecoin, floating, modern crypto financial platform." The ant help to fool the head, but after dozens of broken promises, Guo Wengui played a jump god, Tiandry ground branch, Yin and Yang five elements, Qimen Dun Jiqi battle, over and over again to play with the ant help, and Guo Wengui no sense of violation. The old deception hypohypotically called to make comrade-in-arms rich, claimed to be for the benefit of comrade-in-arms, in fact, it is a wave of investment and anal, tried and true, and now again. After the explosion of the Xicin may not be listed, according to normal people's thinking and reaction, must be very annoyed, sad, but Guo Wengui is unusual, talking and laughing, understatement, no stick, but to the camera hand holding pepper sesame chicken to eat with relish, full mouth flow oil! . Why? Because the fraud is successful, as for when the Joy coin will be listed, when will it be listed? Guo Wengui is a face of ruffian and rogue, hands a spread, claiming that they do not know. Guo Wengui hypocrisy a poke is broken, Guo's scam is just a variation of the method of trapping ants help it.

i suspect that the main issues i struggle with are: 1. decision paralysis 2. struggle w imperfection 3. tons of anxiety -> results in ‘lazy’ behaviours as i feel tired and sad all the darn time 4. looking too far into the future and trying to plan things.
i’m lost on what to study at college, and how to overcome my bad habits and become a more functional human being.
ultimately my goals would be to 1. move out of singapore to somewhere bigger & with more work life balance 2. find a partner 3. earn enough money to survive
but at the rate i’m going, i don’t think i’ll achieve these goals because they seem so difficult, especially the first goal of migration.
and for no 2, i feel really lonely all the darn time. my relationship w my family is terrible (mother is depressed and suicidal. dad and her keep lying to each other and i have to keep secrets).
i have a couple of friends i hang out w occasionally but i feel it’s not enough??? i want someone constant in my life.
i’m going for therapy, and also have read loads of self help books such as atomic habits, the paradox of choice etc. and while these books are making me more aware of how i am sabotaging myself, i just can’t put it into action?
i have some really bad habits that started since i was in high school. i feel my anxiety started compounding during this period because i went to a ‘top’ school, and i felt it was the worst decision i ever made. i got rejected by all the extracurricular clubs i wanted, had no friends, and i couldn’t catch up with the work because everyone else was so smart and there was a lot of self directed learning (heck we didn’t even have lectures for chemistry).
oh, and also we were studying other countries’ uni level chemistry/math at high school.
i slept in (couldn’t get up as i felt miserable and lonely when i got up. my dreams were better than my reality), skipped classes etc etc.
i repeated 1 year, and also repeated the same habits, but at least i studied at home then, and did really well for my finals.
after that, i had a lot of anxiety on choosing where i wanted to study. i decided on a uni in singapore, and i sabotaged myself during that degree because 1. i kept comparing myself to others

1. i kept worrying that i wouldn’t do well enough to do a Masters overseas (so I’ll be stuck in singapore for even longer)
   
2. i kept worrying i wouldn’t do well enough academically to do an exchange programme
   

i ended up dropping out of that school and now i need to reapply to another school.
thereafter, i started a job at a company, but i feel that im sabotaging myself again. i’m not proactive, and im letting my bad habits of being late for work or skipping work start again. i also exaggerated in my resume, and im beginning to face the consequences. my manager is getting really annoyed at my inefficiency. (AS SHE SHOULD). now i want to redeem myself and buck up.
and in terms of studies, i can’t decide what course i want to study because i don’t even know what i want to do in the future.
and i don’t even know whether i want to study in singapore and save some money, or if i should splurge and study abroad. (im privileged that my fam can afford it so i wouldn’t
and if i should study abroad, WHERE? i have so many choices.
how do i improve myself? how do i overcome my bad habits? HOW DO I OVERCOME MY ANXIETY AND Misery?
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. I’ve been sabotaging myself for the past 3 years and i want to stop it.
on a related note, i am considering taking another gap year to do a working holiday in australia.
but i’m just scared that by doing so, i’m just delaying my decision on what to study (and thus giving into my indecision). because there’s no perfect decision and i am just delaying my decision again.
and, singaporean unis don’t allow us to defer our studies for a gap year. so i may not have my offer anymore. and i don’t know if i’ll get offered a place there anymore.
also, im already struggling so much with lethargy and laziness in an OFFICE JOB. I don’t know if working 6 days/week at Mac Donald’s to survive living alone in australia will make my anxiety even worse.
also, my parents are funding my education, and when i decided to take my 1st gap year after dropping out, they kept scolding me on how I AM chronologically behind my peers by 2 years, and that at the rate i’m going i’ll never go to college etc etc.
and some context, trades are paid 💩 in singapore. to have a decent income here, i NEED a degree. even if i were to study an arts degree, that’s better than being degree less.
with a degree, i’ll definitely be able to find a job. it’s just whether the job has good work life balance, and whether it can help me achieve my dream of living abroad
thanks.

Thought I'd share my measurement report after taking my 4th dose of 2.5mg for anyone who's interested 🫡
The side effects I've had so far is fatigue, constipation/pooping less regularly due to eating less, and some bad heartburn (which I've never had) for 24 hours after enjoying one vino too many. Lesson learned. Other than that, it's been smooth sailing and it's truly been a miracle drug for me. I never ever thought I'd be free of thinking about food 24/7 and basically forcing myself to not binge every second of every day. It's been so freeing.
I'm learning to trust the tape measure and clothes over the scale. I'm sick of letting that one number dictate how I feel about myself. So I've only stepped on the scale a few times vs. daily like I used to when trying to lose weight.
Inches lost so far:
Waist: -2" Belly: -2.5" Hips: -2" Arms: -1 1/3" Thighs: -1 1/2 (right) & -1 (left) Neck: -1"
I think this is a lot of inflammation that has gone down, especially in my face which I sadly can't measure with a measuring tape 😛 I'm feeling so much more comfortable in my skin already.
Weight loss since 1st injection -7% (sharing it as a percentage because our bodies are all so different, we don't need to compare)
Dress size: -1 dress size
I'm definitely a super responder so please don't let this dishearten you if 2.5 isn't working for you. But hopefully this can provide some inspiration for someone out there!
For my diet, I'm prioritizing getting in 90g+ of protein from lean meats and protein shakes, eating low fat, and having fish oil capsules and a few other vitamins to help prevent aging and hair loss from the lack of dietary fat.

Hello!
Coming to you lovely lot for a bit of advice.
This sounds like a brag but please let me assure you it comes from a place of deep seated trauma, but I have never shouted at my 22month old, not once. I'd say I've also probably never raised my voice, and I don't believe my husband has ever shouted at her either (although he does sometimes get a bit urgent in his tone).
The problem is, she's now absolutely terrified of shouting, or of anger, even when it's not directed at her. For example, we were doing happy faces, sad faces, sillyfaces, and she asked for an angry face which I did. And it caused her to burst into really frightened tears. We were saying lines from bluey "not frisky blue car, not frisky blue car, frisky blue car! Get in bobo!!" which again caused her to be heartbreakingly sad because I said "get in bobo!" Like chilli does.
She starts nursery in September and I'm really worried she's going to have a hard time if other adults raise their voice or shout (not that I'm expecting her nursery to do that but you never know).
How can I prepare her for experiencing other people's negative emotions? I obviously don't want to shout at her just so she gets used to it, as the world will shout at her enough, but I'm concerned that I've not raised her resilience when it comes to negative emotions.
ETA - she herself expresses anger and it's never ever shut down. She is allowed and welcome to feel any emotion, and we acknowledge what she's feeling. She often tells us she's angry, or sad, or "happy know it". I tell her I'm feeling angry so I need to calm down and take breaths, etc. I just don't explode because of my childhood.

This is something I've never shared with anyone before. I'm a Black African man in my mid-30s struggling with low self-esteem. Starting conversations with women is a huge challenge for me. I'm shy and often overthink things, making it difficult to gauge their interest. While I wouldn't call myself handsome, I know I'm not unattractive. I dress decently and always smell good. The problem lies in approaching them.
My mind races whenever I see someone I find attractive, whether at the grocery store, work, or on the train. How do I break the ice without appearing creepy? The difficulty lies in knowing when to ask for a number, especially if there's no chance of encountering them again. Honestly, this whole situation makes me sad. It limits my social life, keeping me between work and home. While I have success asking women out on social media, the lack of face-to-face interaction bothers me. I crave genuine connections in real life.
A few years ago, during jury duty, I met a woman who resembled Persia White. After an internal debate (and a sweat attack!), I finally approached her in the parking lot. We talked in court, but my hesitation led me to wait until later. I showed her Persia's picture, and she agreed there was a resemblance. After thanking me, she entered her number in my phone, but never replied to my texts. This isn't an isolated incident. It happened with a bartender on U Street too. They give me their numbers, but silence follows. I feel maybe they offer their numbers out of politeness. The truth is, almost all my past relationships stemmed from social media. I want to change that.
Having an accent (I wasn't born in the US) doesn't hinder my communication skills. This decision to share my story wasn't easy. Even if there's no magic solution, I appreciate any positive advice and encouragement you can offer.
Thank you!

huhu im sorry, long post ahead. i really have a hunch that my bf is hiding something from, if not cheating, maybe something that he knows would hurt me and i want to ask some tips on how will i prove it.
so my bf suddenly became secretive of his phone, he wouldnt let me borrow his phone and it has happened two times alr, i am now sure because the second time it happened, nagkasakitan na kami. so to make you guys understand me better, ikkwento ko yung nangyari the first and second time it happened.
ths first time it happened, out of nowhere, i asked if i can borrow his phone and he said why with a continuous nervous laugh, gosh i still remember how his face looked like, and i replied “wala lang may ichecheck lang ako” he replied “anong checheck mo” sabi ko “lahat” then paulit ulit na batuhan ng ganong tanong. just a disclaimer that we dont really check each other’s phone every time we would see each other but he knows how much i overthink, so before, if i were like asking abt a girl who made me jealous, he would just simply assure me with his words and let me check his phone, but i dont really go thru his phone that much because i trust his words but when that happened, all the questions on why i wanted to borrow it, i was sad and asked him if may tinatago ba siya, he just replied na wala raw and i asked again kung bat ayaw niya ipahiram, sabi niya wala lang din daw, ayaw niya raw talaga. nung unang beses, walang pilitan na nangyari, he let me go thru his phone pero siya ang maghahawak, yun ang gusto niya that time. so he opened his fb and i went thru the recent searches and i saw two unfamiliar girls from his recent searches so i asked who was it and why niya sinearch, and he just simple said na cm niya bef sa prev sch niya and di niya raw sinearch yon, nasa suggestions lang but i am not dumb, i know kung sinearch mo yon or talagang nasa suggestions lang, syempre nakita ko under recent searches eh so i kept asking him kung sinearch niya nga ba and sabi ko di ako magagalit kasi di naman big deal, wag lang kako siyang mag lie 😅 so ff sa next na pangyayari, hinihiram ko ulit phone niya and paulit ulit talaga yung kabadong niyang laugh, pero nahawakan ko na naman and nung ioopen ko na yung ig app niya, bantay sarado talaga siya, and eto na, nung inopen ko yung messages icon, bigla na lang niyang inagaw and tumatawa talaga siya nervously and alam mo yung nilalmbing niya ko, syempre nawalan na ko ng gana non, the third time na ichecheck ko ulit yung phone, siya na ulit ang naghawak and when i said na patingin ng archives niya sa messenger, bigla na siyang nagagalit and he kept saying na “palagi ka na lang naghihinala sakin” so ako sinasabi ko na kung ayaw niya kong maghinala lalo, ipakita niya pero nagagalit lang siya so dun na, as in nawalan na ko ng gana, i kept asking him kung bat ayaw niya talaga ipahiram and pualit ulit lang yung sagot niya na “wala lang.” so para na lang umiksi yung kwento, napaamin ko siya sa chat and totoong sinearch niya yung girls, sabi niya na natakot lang siya sa magiging reaction ko kaya raw siya naglie, so ibig sabihin alam niyang may mali sa ginawa niya, pero as ive said, di nga siya big deal kung umamin lang siya di ba? kung pwede lang mag attach ng photos kung gano kahabang pilitan yung nangyari 😫
so eto na yung nagpalakas ng hunch ko, the second time it happened, so syempre medyo off na ko sa nangyari before kaya di ko mapigilan yung desire ko na macheck phone niya. bibili siya ng food sana namin outside and i asked him na iwan niya phone niya, and he then again asked why and i said may checheck lang ako and biglang ba naman akong nilambing with nervous laugh again, then sabay sabing ayaw niya raw, sobrang habang pilitan yung nangyari kasi ayaw niya talagang ipahawak, may time na naaagaw ko pero pinipilit niyang kuhain to the point na ayun na nga, nagkasakitan na kami, then fast forward, napakalma niya ko pero di ko pa rin nakuha phone niya, naging ok kami non, pero di nawawala sa isip ko and i kept saying sa self ko na mahuhuli ko rin kung ano yung tinatago niya. hindi ko alam if ang babaw non pero nasasaktan ako and affected talaga ko, pag uwi ko non umiiyak lang ako and wala talagang gana pero sabi ko sa sarili ko na di ako titigil hanggat wala kong nalalaman.
so btw, he is consistent on assuring me na wala raw siyang tinatago and ako lang mahal niya, maeffort siya sa ganon niya and sinasabi niya rin na di niya raw talaga alam bat ayaw niyang ipahawak phone niya sa akin. gustong gusto ko siyang paniwalaan, pero alam niyo yung di ako matatahimik hanggat di ko talaga macheck phone niya.
if umabot kayo here, would some of u mind giving me tips kung pano ko makakalkal phone niya? bukas kasi, ill visit his house and of course magbbond pero and una ko talagang goal is mahawakan ko phone niya kaya gusto ko rin siyang makita.

So I've (35m) been with my partner (31NB) for about 10 months now (we've known each other for close to 8 years), and besides the first month or so it's been very unstable. I've never been in a relationship where I've experienced any kind of instability and constant arguing like this before, and when it's happening it's extremely confusing and exhausting. I should also say that I have had self esteem issues most of my life despite being kinda above average in appearance, and often have a hard time speaking up for myself.
That most common pattern I've noticed is arguments will frequently happen because I believe they are speaking to me in a way that a parent or teacher would scold a kid, and they believe that they aren't speaking in any kind of way at all "just asking questions" is often what they will say, or they'll accuse me of requiring a "female bodied person" of needing to speak to me with a cherry demeanour all the time. They call me names like nobody has ever called me before "fucking stupid" is a popular one, they have also told me that they hate me on several occasions, and when I tell them I don't like it they tell me that they don't feel bad about it and have also excused it by telling me that I made them mad.
They'll berate me like a child if I make a mistake doing chores, and if I take issue with any thing that they say while they are insulting me, mind you it would be to tell them that they are hurting my feelings in a very meek way, the argument escalates very quickly so I've learned not to say anything. I feel like I'm losing more of myself everyday, they need me to wait on them constantly, rub their feet, their back, make them lattes, bring their water etc. I'm naturally a very nurturing person, so I don't usually mind, but any time I want say like a foot rub, they seem to make it a point to give me as little attention as possible, they'll keep one hand on their phone and continue scrolling while like absent mindedly rubbing my feet for a minute or two before they go back to scrolling. But they demand my full attention and will get fussy with me if I don't get massage oil and give them all of my attention and effort for every massage.
I often feel very touch starved and emotionally abandoned with them, they'll spend hours on their phone every night and I have to beg them to give me attention and again it's always extremely one sided (I have to cuddle them if I want to cuddle, it's never them touching me when I ask), if I tell them I'm lonely they'll just say "me too". I've caught them flirting with other people on IG and asked them about it and they told me "It's just 'homie flirting" and I didn't know what that meant, and they explained to me that it's very normal to make sexual comments and "jokes" about having sex with each other "but never acting on it, so it's okay!" because they live far apart. They kinda love bombed me at the beginning of our relationship and it felt good so I went along with it, but it's been months since we've been in a phase where they show me affection a lot, it used to be every couple weeks they would be obsessed with me for a couple days. Just tonight I was asking for some attention and asked if they wanted to cuddle and they said "If you want" and I said, "Well I want to know if you want to cuddle" and they said "Ok" and then got upset when I didn't cuddle with them, it seems like they can't even admit to me that they want my affection even if they do, it feels like that even the admission that they like my touch is them ceding control to me in some bizarre way that they can't verbalize or aren't aware of. They also were very pressuring about us getting engaged (that's not to say that I regret it or don't want to marry them now), and constantly "forget" to wear their ring to work, and I know if I said it hurt my feelings it would cause an argument, I can already hear them "do you know how fucking stupid that sounds Matthew?"
Things haven't been good lately, but there was a stretch of time for a few months where things were stable, but even during our little arguments they get this voice that they claim is just them speaking, but I have not heard them use with any other person before, and it's very intimidating and belittling, and I can feel my heart race and my anxiety goes through the roof. But they claim I'm imagining it and just traumatized, and I really start to believe it really is my fault and that I'm crazy and a bad person for thinking they were upset with me.
They also say really out of pocket things to me that they tell me are jokes, but wouldn't be funny to literally anyone on the planet, and honestly I think if there was an audience to them they would feel embarrassed to have heard it. A couple of weeks ago we were getting ready to go somewhere and asked which hat I liked best, and I picked the "boring" one, so they said "You look milquetoast." with a straight face, no mirth whatsoever, and when I reacted they told me it was a joke. It's like I insulted them somehow by not picking the slightly different hat they preferred as on option, so they had to take a dig at me. They do this every couple weeks, making little needling remarks when we're otherwise okay that do way more to erode my self worth than anything they've said to me in anger.
Sometimes I truly believe they fabricate an argument in the morning, and I can't figure out why. We go to work at the same time, and they'll wake up in some kind of way and just nitpick every little thing I do. So much so that it feels like even breathing around them is upsetting. Last week they literally yelled at me for saying "babe, did you grab your croissant" as we were leaving the cafe in the morning. Sometimes it truly feels as if they loathe me and every move I make is seen as ungraceful and annoying (something they've also said to me), my voice is grating, etc. It makes me feel so devalued, especially when my feelings and demeanor towards them is so consistent and only deviates at all when we are actively arguing. These morning spats will continue after we've both left for work with them sending me a barrage of texts calling me names, insulting me, blaming me for everything, etc but as long as I drop it and let them tire themselves out, by the time lunch rolls around they want me too stop by their work for a kiss and a cigarette break.
I feel so sad, unloved, valueless, and like a different person from when me starting dating. My sadness and fears when expressed to my partner without deviation will always start an argument, it seems no matter what way I gently try to bring them up, and by the end of the discussion I invariably realize that I was just being selfish for sharing my anxietys with my partner. They do this thing in every argument where they grossly misrepresent what I'm saying in a way that makes my intentions seem very malignant, and I find it very hard to believe that they genuinely think that what they are saying is what they believe.
I know the solution is to leave, but I honestly am not in any financial position to be able to, I would have to quit my job and move halfway across the state to live with family. I guess I just need someone here to tell me that I'm not crazy and worthy of love. It's so hard right now.
(Deleted and reposted this on a throwaway account)

Guo Wengui touted things to the sky all day long, from farms to Xi Yuan, he declared, "Xi Yuan's encryption capabilities and future payments, as well as the future exchange with the US dollar, will create history, is the only stablecoin, floating, modern crypto financial platform." The ant help to fool the head, but after dozens of broken promises, Guo Wengui played a jump god, Tiandry ground branch, Yin and Yang five elements, Qimen Dun Jiqi battle, over and over again to play with the ant help, and Guo Wengui no sense of violation. The old deception hypohypotically called to make comrade-in-arms rich, claimed to be for the benefit of comrade-in-arms, in fact, it is a wave of investment and anal, tried and true, and now again. After the explosion of the Xicin may not be listed, according to normal people's thinking and reaction, must be very annoyed, sad, but Guo Wengui is unusual, talking and laughing, understatement, no stick, but to the camera hand holding pepper sesame chicken to eat with relish, full mouth flow oil! . Why? Because the fraud is successful, as for when the Joy coin will be listed, when will it be listed? Guo Wengui is a face of ruffian and rogue, hands a spread, claiming that they do not know. Guo Wengui hypocrisy a poke is broken, Guo's scam is just a variation of the method of trapping ants help it.

There are repeated mentions of how Fire is paraphrased with passion and the same going on Ice and duty, this will likely be continued further and deeper within the series should they continue to be released. Of importance to my theory is how the Others and various groups of bodyguards or protectors use similar language in their descriptions, the (tenuous) relationship between iron and fire that keeps popping up and how people of duty keep failing due to their passions.

She seldom had to light a fire. The castle had been built over natural hot springs, and the scalding waters rushed through its walls and chambers like blood through a man's body.
"They were cold things, dead things, that hated iron and fire and the touch of the sun, and every creature with hot blood in its veins.

In the veins. Iron, in the veins. Like the ore, but also like how you literally have iron coursing through your veins, unless you are anemic. It is the fire that courses through your body, that is how heat is transferred in you.

She even smells red. The scent reminded him of Mikken's forge, of the way iron smelled when red-hot; the scent was smoke and blood. Kissed by fire
"The sound it made … it burned, somehow. As if my bones were on fire, searing my flesh from within. Those writings glowed red-hot, then white-hot and painful to look upon.

Bones again also contain iron

The young lord cried out in pain. Blood welled between the rings. It steamed in the cold, and the droplets seemed red as fire where they touched the snow.
Blood ran dark from the gash he made, and washed over the steel. And then the sword took fire.
Besides, her brother had often told her that it was never too hot for a Targaryen. "Ours is the house of the dragon," he would say. "The fire is in our blood.
I know." Lord Bolton sighed. "His blood is bad. He needs to be leeched. The leeches suck away the bad blood, all the rage and pain. No man can think so full of anger.

Fire is Passion and Ice is Duty. Roose is filled with passions so he removes them, the Targaryens are generally hot-blooded and Melisandre is Melisandre. In contrast to this..
The Others are often described like white or pale shadows,

He turned his head, glimpsed a white shadow in the darkness. Then it was gone.
A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk.
The white walkers of the wood, the cold shadows, the monsters of the tales that made him squeak and tremble as a boy, riding their giant ice-spiders, hungry for blood . . .

There is another specific group of people who are often described as shadows; Bodyguards, specifically of duty and honor.

Every khal had his bloodriders. At first Dany had thought of them as a kind of Dothraki Kingsguard, sworn to protect their lord, but it went further than that. Jhiqui had taught her that a bloodrider was more than a guard; they were the khal's brothers, his shadows, his fiercest friends. "Blood of my blood," Drogo called them, and so it was; they shared a single life.
For every hour of fighting, a Kingsguard knight spent ten thousand hours watching, waiting, standing silent in the shadows
Whether it had been man, woman, or child Tyrion could not have said. Joffrey was galloping at his side, whey-faced, with Ser Mandon Moore a white shadow on his left.
His two white shadows were always with him; Balon Swann and Mandon Moore, beautiful in their pale plate.
Even Osmund Kettleblack was yawning. Not Loras, though. Not our Knight of Flowers. He stood behind his little sister, a pale shadow with a longsword on his hip.

There is one specific moment where the Kingsguard are not treated as being shadows but "burning clear", the possibly traitorous three who followed the Prince over the King. One could almost call them passionate.

Yet these were no ordinary three. They waited before the round tower, the red mountains of Dorne at their backs, their white cloaks blowing in the wind. And these were no shadows; their faces burned clear, even now. Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, had a sad smile on his lips.

Ghost is also often described as a white or a pale shadow, and depending on what theory you subscribe to he might literally become a body guard.
There is one last passionate man who failed his duty,

"You know I have no other woman. Only . . . duty." She rolled onto one elbow to look up at him, her big black eyes shining in the candlelight. "That poxy bitch? I know her. Dry as dust between the legs, and her kisses leave you bleeding. Let duty sleep alone for once, and stay with me tonight." "My place is at the palace."

Arys Oakheart is a knight of duty slain by passion, and what kills a White Walker?

Obsidian," Maester Luwin insisted, holding out his wounded arm. "Forged in the fires of the gods, far below the earth.
"The maesters say it comes from the fires of the earth. They call it obsidian."
Fire will dismay them, though, and they are vulnerable to obsidian.
Half a year gone, that man could scarcely wake fire from dragonglass.

TLDR: Love is the death of duty.

Back in 2018, my cousin brought his girlfriend of 10 years (school love) and her parents to home for marriage talks. Long story short, the meeting went downhill and they broke up.
He slipped into depression. He already had mental health issues since childhood because of his parents’ divorce. The breakup took a serious toll on him and he would talk about unaliving himself to my father. My dad being his father figure, got really concerned about him and what would happen to my bua if he does something like that, as he is her only son.
So he thought the best solution to my cousin’s su*cidal tendency was to find a girl for him and get him married asap. I was only 18 and yet I tried to talk to my dad that this is not a good idea. How can he marry another girl when he’s clearly not over his ex? Is it ok to ruin her life?
But obviously no one listened to me, my cousin said yes to the first girl he met. It felt like he just wanted to get done with it. The girl was extremely beautiful but only BSc while my cousin is an IIT graduate. It didn’t quite sit right with my bua, our family values education a lot, so she wanted to look for better matches. But he showed no further interest so they got engaged and this was just one month after his breakup. He was taking antidepressants and his medical history, his recent breakup, everything was kept a secret from the bride’s family. Preparations for the wedding were underway, when it came to light that the bride has still not finished her graduation (She had failed final exams twice and was waiting for third attempt). My family started reconsidering this alliance, thinking how could they hide this from us. I was furious at the hypocrisy. But my cousin said it doesn’t matter, he wants his wife to be a homemaker anyway and my family thought that another broken relationship would do him more harm, so they got married a month after the engagement.
I genuinely feel sad for my sister in law. I wonder if my cousin really loves her as much as he loved his ex girlfriend. On the outside, they seem like a happy family, but it’s the opposite. My bua and dadi often bitch about my SIL over how she has no career, no ambitions and how he is way beyond her league. They say she married him only for a well settled life. But she’s pretty so I guess she’s trying to become big on insta (she makes those cringe lipsync reels but gets no views) and my bua finds that embarrassing. They had a lot of fights prompting my cousin to move out. Even after having a daughter, he used to come to my dad and talk for hours. He told him that he missed his ex, he sees her in his dreams and all. I’ve asked my dad multiple times “Are you happy with what you did?” “What else did you expect to happen in their marriage?” And his answer to me always is “At that time I just didn’t want him to die.”
This whole scenario, witnessed by me first hand, just made me hate arranged marriages. I realised that it’s so transactional, so superficial, and so conniving. You’re playing a gamble, even if you might think your parents have picked out a good match for you. There’s so many dark secrets hidden behind those smiling, approachable faces which you’ll only unearth after getting married. And it’s worse for the girl because she is the newest member of the family and has to live her whole life there. I know not all AMs can be generalised like this, but I decided it’s not for me nuh uh. I hope people out there take adequate time to get to know each other before marriage and don’t hush into saying yes, as is usually the case with AM. And please move on, get over your ex first before ruining someone else’s life.

I(23F) have known i was queer since i was 13. I care about my parents but theyre very conservative especially when it comes to marriage. Marriage in our family is kind of a sad affai, youre not allowed to smile or choose your own clothes, or even talk to the groom til the day of the wedding. Dancing, music etc. Is also frowned upon. No romance or happiness behind it, it's an oddly serious affair. So I've never seen the appeal of marriage. Most of the weddings end up being abusive towards the girl becauze of how conservative we are and how young they are. Most narriages happen at 19 to 21. My parents have agreed to wait till im 24 to 25. I dont have a lot of time left.
So my parents havebeen pusing marriage as an inevitability and i dont know what to do. I have a girlfriend of 5 years who i want to marry, my own way, but theyll never agree and everyday my future feels muddled.
Feels like my queerness has impacted my relationship with my parents since i realised i was gay. Just idk the fact that someday they will end up disowning me hangs over my head as an inevitability of life and it's been hard, living with people who would not hesitate to beat the life out of me and throw me out of the house if they found out. I know this because it happened to my cousin, she isnt even gay. Just wanted to marry a guy she wanted to. They thrashed her and threw her in her room and locked it. And she hung herself there and I am scared thats what will happen to me. I resent then for making me have to choose between them and a happy marriage to someone i genuinely care about. All that resentment has piled up and I can't talk to them withoutbfeeling on the defense all the time.
I'm terrified of my choices hurting my parents after everything they've invested in me. The heratbreak and suffering and betrayal and shame they'll face. My mother used to have depression. She is okay now but what if I leave and she hangs herself. They keep bringing proposals and rishtas and I can't say no for much longer. Been feeling like if I die things will be alright. My gf will move on, my parents will never know their daughter was gay. I've been dealing qith a lot of mental issues and maybebI'll finally feel peace for once if i do it. Make it look like an accident somehow. Im not sure. There doesn't seem to be a way out.

i suspect that the main issues i struggle with are: 1. decision paralysis 2. struggle w imperfection 3. tons of anxiety -> results in ‘lazy’ behaviours as i feel tired and sad all the darn time 4. looking too far into the future and trying to plan things.
i’m lost on what to study at college, and how to overcome my bad habits and become a more functional human being.
ultimately my goals would be to 1. move out of singapore to somewhere bigger & with more work life balance 2. find a partner 3. earn enough money to survive
but at the rate i’m going, i don’t think i’ll achieve these goals because they seem so difficult, especially the first goal of migration.
and for no 2, i feel really lonely all the darn time. my relationship w my family is terrible (mother is depressed and suicidal. dad and her keep lying to each other and i have to keep secrets).
i have a couple of friends i hang out w occasionally but i feel it’s not enough??? i want someone constant in my life.
i’m going for therapy, and also have read loads of self help books such as atomic habits, the paradox of choice etc. and while these books are making me more aware of how i am sabotaging myself, i just can’t put it into action?
i have some really bad habits that started since i was in high school. i feel my anxiety started compounding during this period because i went to a ‘top’ school, and i felt it was the worst decision i ever made. i got rejected by all the extracurricular clubs i wanted, had no friends, and i couldn’t catch up with the work because everyone else was so smart and there was a lot of self directed learning (heck we didn’t even have lectures for chemistry).
oh, and also we were studying other countries’ uni level chemistry/math at high school.
i slept in (couldn’t get up as i felt miserable and lonely when i got up. my dreams were better than my reality), skipped classes etc etc.
i repeated 1 year, and also repeated the same habits, but at least i studied at home then, and did really well for my finals.
after that, i had a lot of anxiety on choosing where i wanted to study. i decided on a uni in singapore, and i sabotaged myself during that degree because 1. i kept comparing myself to others

1. i kept worrying that i wouldn’t do well enough to do a Masters overseas (so I’ll be stuck in singapore for even longer)
   
2. i kept worrying i wouldn’t do well enough academically to do an exchange programme
   

i ended up dropping out of that school and now i need to reapply to another school.
thereafter, i started a job at a company, but i feel that im sabotaging myself again. i’m not proactive, and im letting my bad habits of being late for work or skipping work start again. i also exaggerated in my resume, and im beginning to face the consequences. my manager is getting really annoyed at my inefficiency. (AS SHE SHOULD). now i want to redeem myself and buck up.
and in terms of studies, i can’t decide what course i want to study because i don’t even know what i want to do in the future.
and i don’t even know whether i want to study in singapore and save some money, or if i should splurge and study abroad. (im privileged that my fam can afford it so i wouldn’t
and if i should study abroad, WHERE? i have so many choices.
how do i improve myself? how do i overcome my bad habits? HOW DO I OVERCOME MY ANXIETY AND Misery?
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. I’ve been sabotaging myself for the past 3 years and i want to stop it.
on a related note, i am considering taking another gap year to do a working holiday in australia.
but i’m just scared that by doing so, i’m just delaying my decision on what to study (and thus giving into my indecision). because there’s no perfect decision and i am just delaying my decision again.
and, singaporean unis don’t allow us to defer our studies for a gap year. so i may not have my offer anymore. and i don’t know if i’ll get offered a place there anymore.
also, im already struggling so much with lethargy and laziness in an OFFICE JOB. I don’t know if working 6 days/week at Mac Donald’s to survive living alone in australia will make my anxiety even worse.
also, my parents are funding my education, and when i decided to take my 1st gap year after dropping out, they kept scolding me on how I AM chronologically behind my peers by 2 years, and that at the rate i’m going i’ll never go to college etc etc.
and some context, trades are paid 💩 in singapore. to have a decent income here, i NEED a degree. even if i were to study an arts degree, that’s better than being degree less.
with a degree, i’ll definitely be able to find a job. it’s just whether the job has good work life balance, and whether it can help me achieve my dream of living abroad
thanks.

First/Previous
The travel took on a less gloomy quality in the day that passed since Gemma’s self-reflection and although there remained a queer distance in her eyes, she seemed in better spirits in losing the weight of the words.
It was a night just beyond Wabash Crevasse that we pushed on till sunset was almost upon us and we were each tired and the food stocks ran low and so we found harbor in a half collapsed cellar where a home once stood; it was only after examining the slatted, rotted boards of the old place, fallen over, tired with decay, that we spied the cellar doors intact; sheets of door metal plied us with safety from the outside world and the interior of the place stank of mold and the deeper recesses were collapsed, but there was a cradle to crossbar the stair hatch and I put my prybar there for the night. We finished the water and canned tomatoes, and I smoked a cigarette, staving off the inevitable doom which would come with the dwindling of our supplies.
I’d peeked through the space where the doors met at the cellar’s entry and watched the full darkness there while the youngins spoke of life and the trivial pursuits of it and I hardly said a word besides.
Sitting on the lowest step with Trouble dumbly maintaining her station by me, by the low glow of the space in the threshold, I saw they’d pushed their bedrolls together and Andrew had fallen asleep with his arm over Gemma’s shoulder and her eyes glowed with shine from the crack, blinked a few times while seeing me; she too eventually drifted to sleep, and I spent time by the secured door.
Gunshots rang across the stillness, and they stirred from their quiet slumber and Gemma asked, “Harlan, is it alright?”
I moved to the space there at the doorway again and listened and watched what I could through that crack and nothing beyond came. “It’s safe. I’ll be up a bit longer. I’ll watch.”
Andrew asked, “Can’t sleep?”
“I’ll sleep in a bit. Don’t worry about me. Rest. Sleep good and we can put more behind us.
They sat up, legs crossed triangle-wise, and Gemma spoke again, “Why do you have such a hard time sleeping? It seems I’m asleep after you and only awake after you too.”
“Yeah,” said Andrew.
“It’s cool at night. I can listen to the wind.” I shrugged.
“You should be the one that tries to get some sleep,” said Andrew.
I said nothing.
They reached out their arms and I shook my head.
“Here,” Gemma said, “Move your bedroll closer.” She reached across the dirt floor of the cellar and dragged my splayed roll so that it sat beside hers.
“I’ll sleep later.” I turned my attention back to the door and ignored them till their sounds of sleep could be heard. The Alukah was nowhere and did not tap on the door that night and when I moved to sleep, I shimmied onto the roll beside them, facing away on my shoulder; the dog followed, laid on the bare dirt beside me and I held the mutt.
Though I refused a noise as they stirred in the absolute darkness, I felt Gemma’s arm fall over my own shoulder and felt Andrew’s hand touch my back, and water traced the bridge of my nose and I slept deeply thereafter.
There was no breakfast without food, and the water was gone; I felt the eyes of the dog on us as we packed up our belongings that next morning and I tried not to imagine the poor animal skinned over fire. I smiled at Trouble, patted its head, scratched its chin; she sniffed my hand like she was looking for something that wouldn’t be found.
We went west again, ignoring roads and pushed through straight wasteland where nothing was and no one was, and with every dry footfall on the dry hard ground, I wished for rain, and I wished that when it had rained, as infrequent as it was, that I had been wise enough to save what we could from the sky; that sky was red and swollen and refused to burst. We pushed on through strange dead thickets where grayed and twisty yellow branches lurched from the ground into the sky like even they too wished for an end to all the suffering. It was days more till we would see Alexandria and though I could stave off hunger (thirst too, if necessary), I was not so certain that the children would be able to push on without it; they did not complain and watched the ground in our march and maintained higher spirits than I could’ve imagined from them.
Early in the day, they spoke often, and I listened and as they wore on, their words came less and even the dog seemed in a lower mood for the unsaid predicament; me too.
Gemma broke the silence on the matter by saying, “What are we going to do about food? Water?”
“We’ll push on.”
“We could turn back?” asked Andrew.
“The more time we spend out in the open, outside of a city, the more likely it is that the Alukah will catch us unawares. Tighten your belts.” Our feet took us around a dilapidated truck, an old thing with a rusty hook which dangled off a rear arm. “Save your urine.”
They made faces but did not protest.
“Does that work? You ever drink pee?” asked Andrew.
I laughed, “I thought we’d be there by now. I took us too long by trying to drop the scent of the Alukah. That thing’s hunted us for days—last night was the first time it ain’t bothered us. It’s got me wondering why.”
Gemma piped up, licking her dry lips before speaking, “Do you think that monster ran into those scavengers we saw?” Then I caught her shooting a look at Andrew, “At least we warned them.” Her smile was faint and almost indiscernible as one.
I shrugged. “Can’t say. Don’t think it’s smart to turn back. Won’t be long and we’ll touch the 40 and then it’ll be a straight on to Babylon—couple of days—can’t turn back though. Maybe without food; that’s doable. Water’s the worst, but if it comes to it,” I paused and looked on the weathered faces of the children, on the lowered head of Trouble which followed her nose across the ground (it searched just short of frantic), “Like I said, ‘save your urine’.”
The first pains of hunger held within me brought up some reminiscence and I wished for nothing more than to hold Suzanne; I could nearly smell them and in the swaying walk which took us on past toppled townships, I held long blinks where I could nearly make out their face and if I really pushed the limits of my imagination, I could feel them. In those moments, as we passed dead places, rotted pits of despair, I could think of little more than their presence. Though I knew it was a dangerous game, hoping for more than I was worth, I hoped for Suzanne then and I wished that I’d taken them up on their offer to travel to Alexandria with them; it could’ve been home—it never was in all the times I’d gone there, but who knows? The thoughts of Babylon brought forth their gardens; the wild gardens and the water which flowed freely through their pipes. I wished I was a different person entirely and that too would’ve been better for Suzanne; how it was that they’d seen anything in me, I don’t know. How it was that they could stoop to the level of being with someone like me—I warded off that thought, because to place the blame there would certainly be unfair. I thought of my love plainly and wanted a different life more suited to them.
Imaginations played more furiously, and I remembered the evening when Dave stopped me from leaping from that roof—it’s doubtful that he even realized that he’d slowed my demise; perhaps he did know—I wished then that I could ask him. Too kind for the world. People too kind for the world were scarce and hardly worth the trouble. Yet, there I was, chaperoning those two across the wastes.
Gemma was a broken person when I’d found her, tortured in Baphomet’s well; Andrew was a dullard boy who’d lost his hand. What a silly predicament.
I stopped in my movements and swiveled on my heel to catch Andrew by the shoulder. “You still got your hand, don’t you?”
In good humor, the boy grinned, lifted the nub on the end of his left forearm to show me, “Nope.”
“Dammit, no! The hand in the jar!”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “In my pack.”
“Stop,” I commanded Trouble; the dog hardly recognized my words and continued a way then circled back, sad eyes looking up from where she took to sit by my side. Gemma, both arms dangling loosely from her own pack’s shoulder straps, took into the circle we’d formed.
The girl asked, “What about the jar? It’s nasty, but I guess it’s his.”
“I think that’s it,” I said. I took Andrew by his shoulders, looked him in his eyes, “We could use it!”
“What?” The boy almost laughed in the display of our concern. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I think I’ve got it! It’s good for a trap.” I shook him; maybe too hard. I almost smiled. “It’s worth a shot!”
“It’s mine.” He bit his top lip, withdrew from me.
“You’ll feel differently about that,” I said.
Gemma placed a hand on Andrew’s pack and tried ripping it open. “Give it to him!” shouted the girl.
The boy whipped from her grasp, and he spun on his feet, and panic stood on his face. “It’s mine, isn’t it?”
I took a step forward, “No, not anymore.” I put out my palm, “Give it.”
Andrew nearly flinched at the thought of it and shook his head a little. “Why?”
“I told you why,” I said.
“You don’t even know if it’ll work, do you?” his words were long in protest.
The girl started again, “Andrew, please.”
He locked eyes with Gemma and once again, his bottom teeth came up to meet over his top lip and he moved his jaw methodically with contemplation.
“What does it even matter?” she asked.
“It’s mine. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
“C’mon,” he said, but his pack straps fell from his shoulders, and he hunkered down on the ground and opened his bag; his right hand plunged into the recesses therein and withdrew the jar with his severed left hand. He held the object up, refusing to come up from his open pack, keeping his eyes on the ground. “Take it then.” He shook the jar; its contents sloshed with liquid decay.
I grabbed the thing, held it to skylight; the remains within had congealed and rotted and lumps nearly floated in the brownish liquid which had formed in the base of the container. I shook it and stared for a moment at the miniscule debris which floated alongside the hand; each of its digits had swollen and erupted to expose bone; some had come away in pieces. “Tomorrow,” I said and nodded.
We gathered ourselves and Andrew pulled his pack on again and we moved, Trouble still looked sorry and the boy remained quiet while the girl chattered on with questions while we took through the dying ground in a formation with the dog on point then me then the children.
“What will you do with it?” she asked me.
“Not sure yet.”
Andrew made a noise like he wanted to say something but didn’t.
“You think it will work?” asked Gemma.
“Nothing’s a guarantee. They’re smart—Alukah.”
“Smart enough to figure out a trap?”
I shrugged. “We’ll find out.”
“We could put stakes in a pit.”
“Keep on the lookout for a building. Something with multiple floors.”
With that, we moved on, found a worn, mostly destroyed road and we fell into a travelling quiet and the thought of hunger or thirst arose again, and I pushed it down—though I knew the uneasiness could only last so long before savagery would overtake the human condition; the kids seemed strong enough, but I kept an eye on the dog too. Savagery belonged not only to humans, after all.
The ground of the wastes was harder when it was quiet, and it was flatter further west. The sky—red and full of thin and transparent drifting clouds—seemed an awful sight when stared at for too long; it was the thing which stretched as if to signal there wasn’t an end in any direction, as if to declare we had much more to go till safety. Wanderlust is a thing that I believe I’ve felt before, but under that sky, with those two and the dog, I didn’t feel it at all. It was doom that I felt. Ignorance and doom. And it was all because I was certain I’d made all the wrong mistakes, and it was coming back to me. I was experienced. We should’ve had food and water. Perhaps there was some deep and nasty part inside of me that had intended to sacrifice them along the way. The words of the Alukah might have rung true: You say you make no deals, but I smell it. I think you’d deal.
Surely, I felt differently. Surely.
“Getting darker,” called Andrew as we came to where signposts—worn and bent and barely legible—told us of a place once called Annapolis and the buildings were nearly gone entirely; places, maybe places that were once homes, were leveled—I was briefly caught in imagining what it might’ve been like all those ages ago. As are most places, it was haunted like that and when we came to a long rectangular structure of metal walls—thin walls—we took it as a place for rest for the night.
It once served as an agricultural station, for when we breached its entry, there were a line of dead machines—three in all—cultivators or tillers which stood higher than any of our heads and Gemma asked what they were, and I told her I thought they were for farming. The great rusted bodies stood in quiet shadow as we came through a side passage of the building and the great doors which had once been used to release those machines from the building stood frozen in their frame. I approached the doors, lighting my lantern and motioning for the children to shut the door we’d entered through.
Upon closer inspection, it seemed the doors would roll into the ceiling and the chains which held the doors in place were each secured with rusted padlocks—I removed my prybar from my pack and moved along the wall of doors, giving each old lock a smack with the weapon; each one held in place, seemingly fused there through years of corrosion, and I rounded the cultivators once more, back to the children, near the side door where they’d discovered a rickety stair frame which crawled up the side of the wall to a catwalk; along the catwalk, a levitated box stood at the height of the structure, stilted by metal legs, and we took the stairs slowly with the dog following close behind; the poor mutt was mute save the sound of its own shuffling paws.
The metal stairs creaked under our weight and Gemma held her own lantern high over her head so that the strange shadows of the place grew longer, stranger, and suddenly I felt very sure that something was in the dark with us, but there was no noise except what we made. My eyes scanned the darkness, and I followed the children up the stairs till we met the overhang of the catwalk and I peered into the shadows, the blades of the cultivators—far extended on foldable arms—struck up through the pool of blackness beneath us and I felt so cold there and if it were not for the breath of my fellow travelers, I might have been lost in the dark for longer than intended—lost and frozen and contemplative.
“There’s a room,” said the boy, and he pushed ahead on the hanging passage, and he was the first to the door. “Boxes,” he said plainly.
Upon coming to the place where he stood, Gemma pushed her lantern over the threshold, and I saw what he’d meant as I traced my own lantern to help; the room was crammed with plastic totes and old metal containers of varied sizes. There seemed to be enough empty space to maneuver through the room, but only if one watched their feet while they walked. Carefully.
We moved to the room, and I found a stack of crates to place my lantern then motioned for Gemma to douse hers. In minutes, the place was rearranged so that we could sit comfortably on the floor; crates lined the walls precariously and we breathed heavy from the work done, but we began to unpack and upon watching the children while I rolled a cigarette, I felt a pang of guilt, a terrible summation—all choices in my life had led me here and with them and perhaps it would have been a better world for them without me.
Mentally shrugging this thought away, I lit my cigarette, inhaled deeply, and then withdrew the jar which Andrew had handed over. I held it to the lantern to examine it. The grotesqueness of it hardly phased me and I watched it more curious and hopeful than disgusted.
“I hope it’ll work,” said the boy, “Whatever it is that you plan on doing with it.” He grimaced and maintained a further silence in patting his bedding for fluff. The dog moved to him, and she pushed her forehead against him where he squatted on floor. The boy scratched Trouble’s chin and whispered, “Good girl,” into the top of her head where he’d pushed his own face.
“I’m hungry,” said Gemma; she placed her chin in her arm while watching Andrew with the dog. She sat on her own flat bed there on the floor and stated plainly the thing that I’d hoped to ignore for longer.
“I know.” I took another drag from the cigarette and let the smoke hang over my head. “The dog?”
Andrew recoiled, pulling Trouble closer into his arms.
I smiled. “It was a joke.”
Andrew relaxed, but only a moment before Gemma added, “Maybe.”
The boy narrowed his eyes in the girl’s direction, and she shrugged. “If it’s life or death.”
He didn’t say anything and merely continued stroking Trouble’s coat.
That night, we slept awfully and even in the complete darkness, I felt the cramp of the storage room and the angled shapes of the tools that protruded from the containers on all sides remained permanent well after we’d turned the light off and it felt like those shapes were the teeth of a great creature like we were sitting inside of its mouth, looking out.
Trouble positioned herself partially on my chest, her slow rhythmic breathing brought my thoughts calm and I whispered to her in the dark after I was sure the others were asleep, “I promise it was a joke.” And I brushed the back of her neck with my hand and the animal let go of a long sigh then continued that deep rhythmic breathing.
Still without food or water, the following day was the true indication of the misery to come. Gemma’s stomach growled audibly in waking and Andrew—though he kept his complaints to himself—smacked his lips more often or protruded the tongue in his mouth in a starvation for water. The room, in the daylight which peered through pinpricks of its half-decayed roof, seemed another beast altogether from its nighttime counterpart; it was not so frightening. Again, I admonished myself for the lack of preparation, but there was another thought that brought together a more cohesive feeling; we had a possible plan, a trap for the demon that’d been following us.
We went into the field to the west of the building where there was only dirt beneath our feet in the early sunlight and in the coolness of morning air, I nearly felt like a person. The sun crested the horizon and brought with it a warmth that would quickly become overwhelming—in those few minutes though—it felt good enough. I wished for the shy dew and saw none. The weirdness of holding Andrew’s rotting hand in a jar momentarily caught me and I almost laughed, but refrained and the dog and the children looked on while I held the container up and suddenly, seeing the congealed mass of tissue floating in its own excretions, I was overcome with the urge to run, the urge that nothing would ever be right again in my life, and that I was marked to be that way.
I blinked and tossed the jar to Andrew. “Say goodbye,” I said. He fumbled after it with his right hand and caught it to his chest.
“It’s strange you care so much anyway,” said Gemma, shrugging—her eyes forgave a millisecond of pity and when Andrew looked at her, still holding the jar in his right hand, she smiled and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her pants.
“We’ve enough oil, I think,” my voice was raspy from it being early, “Enough for good fire, but if we use it, it’ll mean a few more dark nights on our way.”
“We’re going to set it on fire?” Andrew pondered, keeping his eyes to the contents of the jar. “It worked good enough last time. It’ll work,” I nodded, “I has to, doesn’t it?”
His dry lips creased into a brief smile, and he tossed the jar back to me and I caught it.
“Let’s dig,” I said.
Without much in the way of proper tools, we began at the ground under us with our hands, then taking turns with my prybar till there was a hole in the ground comfortably large enough to conceal a human head and I uncapped the jar and spilled it contents there and we covered it back and I lightly tamped it with my boot. My eyes scanned the outbuilding we’d taken refuge in the night prior and then to the street to the north then to the houses which stood as merely rotted plots of foundation with frames that struck from the ground more as markers than support. “I’ll take up over there across the street when it gets dark. I want you two in that storage room before anything goes off.”
“We can’t help?” asked Gemma.
“You can help by staying out of the way—the mutt too,” I said; the words were harsh, but my feelings were from worry.
“Wouldn’t it be better if we stuck together?” asked the girl.
I shook my head. “You stay in the room and keep quiet. No matter what you hear, you stay quiet and safe.”
“That’ll put you at a bigger risk,” Gemma furrowed her brow at me and shifted around to look out on the houses across the street, “There’s hardly any cover over there.”
The boy nodded, smacked his lips, and rubbed his forearm across his mouth then audibly agreed with her.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, “No matter what you hear happening outside, no matter, you don’t open the door and you don’t scream—don’t make a noise at all. Alright? Even if you hear me calling you, you don’t do it.”
“Pfft,” Gemma crossed her arms and kicked her foot against the ground. The way her eyes seemed hollowed with bruising showed that the irritation would only grow without food. “Alright,” she finally sighed.
Andrew looked much the same as she did in that; he swallowed a dry swallow then stuffed his hand into his pocket and looked away when our eyes matched.
We gathered our light oil. Altogether, it seemed enough; rummaging through the room of the outbuilding we’d earlier taken refuge within, we managed three intact glass containers—the only ones found that wouldn’t leak with liquid; two were bottles and the third was the jar that’d once kept Andrew’s hand. With that work done, we sat with three Molotov cocktails within our huddled circle of the storage room.
“Is it enough?” asked Gemma.
“We’ll see,” I began rolling a cigarette to ignore the hunger and the thirst.
Andrew took to the corner and glanced over his shoulder only a moment before a steady liquid stream could be heard and when he rotated from the wall once the noise was finished and he held a canteen up to his nose, sniffed it and quivered and shook his head.
As the sun pushed on, I scanned the perimeter outside, and they followed. Far south I spied a mass of shadow inching across the horizon and Gemma commented, “What’s that?”
I pushed the binoculars to her and let her gaze through them.
“A fiend—that’s what we called it back in the day anyway. A mutant.”
She held the binoculars up and frowned. “A mutant? So, it was once human?”
“A fiend was once many humans.” I pointed out to the horizon though she couldn’t see me doing so and continued, “If you look at the edges of its shape, you’ll see it’s got limbs galore on it. Sticking up like hairs is what it’ll look like at this distance. Those are arms and legs. It’s got faces too. Many faces.” I shuddered.
“I can barely see any details,” she passed the binoculars to Andrew, and he looked through them, “What’s it do?”
“What?” I asked.
“What’s it do if it catches a person?”
“It pulls people into it. Makes you apart of its mass. Nasty fuckers.”
Andrew removed the lenses from his eyes and held them to his chest and asked, “It won’t mess up your trap, will it?”
“We’ll keep an eye on it,” I said, “You don’t want to mess with a fiend unless you have to.”
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