In kindergarten (sorry I'm from singapore so we follow British but if im not wrong its like 5-6 years old) I already accepted Christ into my life. But my mom is a "I hate Christians!!" kind of person so I didnt dare to tell her anything. I didn't really have a good relationship with my mom cos to her studies are everything and she made me (until now) think that I'm never good enough. And I was only in primary school thinking my mom doesn't like me. I'm worthless, I want to kms. I made plans to grab the knife from the kitchen, jump off and things like that. Eventually I resulted to scratching my own skin cos I feel most pain when it's right at the nerve uk.
My whole life was until the end of primary school (12) was only to do things to make my mom happy. I wouldn't mention a word about Christianity to her. And when my mom was out at night, me, my dad and my sisters would worship. The moment the door opens, I scramble into the room. This also make me walk far from God and I would curse, swear and stuff. One day in P6, the last year of primary school (12 years old) I thought "Hey, I'm Christian so why am I swearing? Isn't this a sin?" So I stopped cursing. Of course, my mom wouldn't want me going around cursing but I didn't really do it for her, but rather for God. But I still didn't want to tell her about it.
When I graduated from Primary school, in Secondary (Sec) school, I finally got to bring my phone to school (13 years old), but my mom still could track me. Anyways I got to listen to some worship songs my dad sent to me and because I didn't have a music player downloaded and wasn't allowed to download any apps, I would listen through the WhatsApp audio player thing😭😭 on the way home. Usually on Sundays whene my mom isn't home,my dad would bring me to church. Then of course my mom would find out and scold me and this continued until sec 2 (14).
In Sec 3 (15 years old), I had whole control of my phone so I would listen to worship music on the way home. One day in, my dad brought me to church. My mom saw my location and immediately got mad because she knew where my dad's church is and also because my older sister attends service too and my mom was not happy. Since then, I was afraid to go to church. My mom even cornered me one day and made me promise not to go to church or I can forget calling her my mom. I kept crying that night and never dared to go to church (mind that i dont even cry often).
But towards mid year(?) I just decided ok Imma go to church. She can get angry but it won't really stop me. Because I got to know God through worship songs and now I wanted to know him more.
I regularly started praying in the morning on the way to school. Eventually my prayers became a ritual and dry. I felt no emotion and no pull towards God. Only on days when I was really upset/angry then I would feel Him comforting me. One day I really wanted to be the captain in my CCA (it's like after school activities but still part of school programs) and I didn't get it. I was so upset I cried on the way home because I actually put in so much effort into it. Then I became vice captain so ig that counts.
Anyways I became really upset and got frustrated because I didn't prove myself enough. I had so low expectations of myself, got depressed again, but I couldn't vent it out because I couldn't hurt myself anymore after learning my body is a temple of God. So I got super frustrated. I prayed for guidance decided to free up my Saturdays I went to church. Youth services for Secondary school students were on Saturdays and not Sundays so yeah. Towards like October last year I cleared up my Saturdays so I could go more regularly to church, and my mom was defo not happy AT ALL that I went with my own initiative. She ignored me for several weeks and of course I felt lonely and all buy eventually I felt okay because she doesn't even know me sooooo.
I'm still trying to patch up my relationship with her. Honestly, it's so strained I don't know what to do. I've prayed that she would accept Christ everyday but uhh nothing. This doesn't mean I don't believe in God if not this would not exist
One day I was fellowshipping with my dad. Why we did that is because of a long story that would be saved for another day.
But this is the part where it's important
Previously I had dreams and I shared with my dad because he is more experience in deciphering gifts and stuff (I'm sorry if you don't believe in gifts but I do!) And he told me to pray about it because I somehow knew these dreams had meaning and relation to God. A number of dreams had direct inference to God. I did pray about it, and also asked God along these lines; "God, give me guidance. I have strayed and I know. Lord please let me understand, and let me also be close to You. I want to know You, and I know, I haven't read the word. Lord, motivate me to read the scripture, and while reading let me also understand the dreams I have been having my whole life."
I can't remember what I said exactly. The one 9f the church sermons on one week talked about how God is not far, but we are far. And I felt that that was for me. Then one day my dad said to me and my older sister "I don't care you have to download the Bible rn" so I downloaded it but did nothing with it. Finally, one day I was late for work (yes I worked when I was 15 because I actually want an electric guitar) and it was New Year's Eve. My colleague texted me saying she'd pick me up and I said and quote "Isokkk I walk over" (me) ... "Give me your block" (colleague) "Omd tyyy" (me)
Part of me didn't want her to fetch me because it would be troubling her. But I don't know why I waited and was thinking "bruh I could've reached by now but she's late" but I just waited. I was wearing full white that day. And this woman must've thought I was going to church because it was a Sunday morning.
And she asked "Hello, are you going to church?"
I said "oh no no, I have church at night because it's countdown service. (basically the youth services brought our church service from Saturday 4pm to Sunday 8pm because we wanted to countdown service together)"
She said," Oh! So you're Christian! Do you read the Word often?"
I blushed because so many signs and I haven't read a single word. "No," I was so embarrassed
She continued "I used to be a teacher, a lecturer in a University (if im not wrong) There is a website called 7 minutes with God. It was originally created for Harvard students because they were busy and didn't have time to spend time with God." Then I couldn't hear what she said because she was talking so fast. All I knew was she was summarizing the website and encouraged me to read it.
I read it like on January 2nd this year on the way to school ( I'm 16 this year!!! But not 16 yet because as I said, it's not my birthday yet or anytime soon)
I was so inspired that I kept on reading the Word and devoted mornings to not only prayers (that I allowed God to guide me and not just pray for the sake of praying) but also for reading the Word!
See, when I prayed to have motivation to read the Word more, God gave me the sign THREE TIMES which I did not pick up until the 3rd sign, the lady. The first time during the sermon I was like "Yes God, I will do it!" but did nothing. The second time when my dad asked me to download the app version of the Bible, I said "Yes God, this is the sign!" and did not do anything. I got discouraged because my dad thinks I'm funny and wouldn't take my words seriously omd 😭. But the third time, God literally sent a random woman I don't know and told me to read. And I read, praise God!
this is the part where it relates to the meme
Because when I went to the shower I kept laughing because I thought of this meme. I didn't read the word or get touched because it was a coincidence. So coincidence? I think not! It's a miracle ❤️❤️❤️
I finished Mark and the New Testament, I'm currently at John right now.
Just now, after a meeting with my cell group (a small group for easier prayers etc in church), I was listening to worship music, and my grumpy dad was like "GO AND SHOWER" liek chill brou. So I went to the toilet with my headphones on and sat on the floor and just continued listening to worship music. Then my dad sent in the family group chat (just me, my older sister and him, my mom got mad and left) an article about this man called Patrick Lee/Bezalel. He is a local artist faithful in Christ
But reading halfway I kept crying because I was so touched (again I do no lt cry, but I related so much I cried even though nothing had to do with me, but it was like my mother's story where she had a hard of stone towards God) and then my phone went flat 😐 So I risked it and ran out to get my charger but thank God (like actually) my dad didn't scream like he would. Then I sat at the toilet floor and continued reading. Tears kept flowing down my face because Patrick Bezalel's story was such a miracle, and God kept giving him signs that God existed! And removed the layer of stone that surrounded the man's heart and made it soft and open to God again!
After that I continued worshipping God and was listening to worship music (yes in the toilet because I literally have 0 privacy because none of my parents think I need it). I kept crying because the songs were so related. Can you imagine? It went in this order:
1.Presence,Power,Glory 2.Hosanna 3.Promises 4.Holy Forever
Again, coincidence? I THINK NOT. It was so planned, like it was in my playlist for so long and I haven't really thought much about it. Tears kept streaming down and kept going and through sobs I silently prayed to God
"Oh my dear God you have been so so good to me, and so faithful to me Lord. You have guided me, guided my heart and nothing has gone wrong in Your hands Lord. I've been through the turning point I've prayed for. You have sent people, songs and my family members to come after me to open up to You Lord. Lord, I was having a CG (cell group) meeting and something just touched my heart. I am now sitting on the toilet floor and typing this, because Lord you have made a way to touch my heart, guide me through a prayer that came deep down from inside of me Lord, thank You for providing. Thank You God for the miracles You have did in my life, and all that I prayed for has came through Lord. The turning point I prayed for was when that lady had spoken to me about how to set aside time for You and the Word. Lord let me not forget this incident, this turning point, this miracle Lord. Let me put my trust in You Lord, and let You take my hand and let my life be walking next to You faithfully Lord. Lord I pray that I would not waver, and I would not take my eyes away from You. Even when I am crossing and walking toward You on water in the sea, let my eyes be on You, and the works You have done for me, and not be distracted by the worls around me, but to keep my eyes on You diligently Lord. Lord, I am a sinner, and now, I was, for You have sent Jesus Christ, Your Son, to die on the cross for me. Lord, I believe in You and I want to accept You in my life Lord, no matter what situation I am in. Lord, let people around me see Your love, joy, and faithfulness in me, and not let them see the girl I was before. Let them see change, and the love and desire I have for You, Lord. Let them see Your greatness, Your goodness and You. I thank You for everything You have done, and in Jesus's name, I pray that I will walk faithfully alongside You, and will not fail to continuously pray and worship You God. Thank You Lord for the miracles, for this turning point. Thank You God for guiding me, and let me be the branch that bears fruit, and let me be the branch that has life only through Jesus, Who is the vine, Who the reason I live Lord, Who is the reason I have life. Praise the Lord! Amen!"
This is the first time I prayed for so long and every one word was truly from deep down fron the depths of my heart. I couldn't stop crying. I really couldn't and I can't emphasize more that I don't cry often! Either it hurt me so much or that God moved my heart. This time was tears of joy.
I hope this could inspire someone out there, because in another prayer I prayed for those who needed God, even if I didn't know them.
Pray. Pray and ask God to help you seek Him. One thing I learnt from a sermon is the fervency in your prayers. I didn't mean to add this in but I suddenly saw this note I wrote on 25th February.
Title: fervency in prayer Fervency: being excited about something keen on something
At the heart of revival is the spirit of prayer • pray fervently • pray with faith
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed"
To be fervent in prayer is to pray tenaciously despite our struggles
Hopefully this helped someone out there, inspired you and is one of your signs to start giving your life to Him! It is actually proven 1 in 3 people are Christians. Isn't our goal to have this faith to reach all four corners of the world? It could sound impossible in the past, but now there is social media, anyone could read and realize "Hey God is actually with me!"

But even typing this, it doesn’t feel real. I still have hope tonight that he can change. I feel so stupid.
I am 38F and he is 39M.
I am devastated. I would do anything and everything to be married forever, but it’s no longer an option and hasn’t been since the fourth month of our marriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant with his child and he assaulted me with a metal cup in the car while he was driving on the freeway because I wouldn’t stop saying why he was upsetting me. The fight continued when we got home and he had called the police, lied to them and had me arrested. Eight weeks pregnant. With bruises up and down my body. I got arrested. I spent the night in jail and had to listen to my baby’s heartbeat for the first time from a county jail exam table.
Somehow, through that, we stayed married. Abuse makes you do wild things. It changes your brain. Abusers purposely make you confused. Through counseling, I am coming out of the confusion now, though.
I could go on and on about the abuse I have suffered. I am here today because typing this makes it real that I am leaving. And I am here today because I need support in understanding that he is not going to change.
This morning things escalated by 8am. This is typical weekend behavior. I discovered that he has been smoking cigarettes in one of the vehicles that is in my name and that I pay for, and that I have asked him not to smoke in repeatedly. I do not smoke. I think it’s gross. And it has ruined the interior of this vehicle that is expensive. Not only that, but our child has asthma. Most likely because he IS a smoker. Anyway, I grabbed something out of the vehicle for his 6yo and I came back in and simply said “please don’t smoke in the truck anymore. Please don’t tell me that you haven’t been either.” This sent him into a spiral. He called me names and said that I am controlling. He started following me around the house screaming behind my head. He is nearly a foot taller than me and this is physically intimidating to me. So much so that my hands start to shake, my heart races and my thoughts become blurry when he does this. I knew at this point it was best for me to get our child and leave. So I was doing that. But this morning he would not let me leave the bedroom and was blocking me from leaving with our child with his body in the doorway. I told him I was going to call non-emergency if he didn’t move. And he would not. So I was trying to figure out how to call but my hands were shaking so bad and my brain was so jumbled I gave up and called my sister on speaker. I asked her to call the police. As soon as he saw her name on my phone he moved and let me leave. He yelled at me and our child out the door and to the neighborhood “see - I’m so scary - I’m letting you leave”. I got our child in the backseat and drove down the street to park and get them dressed. They were only in a pull up. I saw the officer coming down the road and flagged him down. I told him what happened and he went and talked with him. I left with our child and went to my sisters. Eventually we came home and he has been upstairs ever since. This is also typical. He will have an outburst. And then go upstairs and not speak to me for a week. And then one morning he’ll just wake up and decide that it’s time to be normal again. And generally comes to me and says “have you calmed down”. Which, as you can imagine, perpetuates the situation further. And drags it on. He does not understand accountability.
We have been married 3.5 years, together for 5 total. We have one child together (2yo) and he has two other children (6yo and 14yo).
We moved in together after 9 months of dating. That is when the abuse started. The first time he was physically abusive, he broke through our bedroom door. Broke. The entire door - down. Somehow, I decided to continue.
From the start, I’ve known it was never going to last. He is unstable. He has a long and dark history of mental illness (both himself and his immediate maternal and paternal family). In addition to struggling with substance abuse his entire life. His childhood is tragic and full of heartache. It shaped the man he is today, and not for the better.
He is in the trades industry and has a GED. I am a director level professional and have a college degree. His father was in prison for the last half of his childhood and eventually took his life when he was released. My father is a retired architect, Vietnam vet. We grew up completely different. Both of our parents divorced. He then suffered verbal and emotional abuse from his step father. I suffered verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from my mother.
I believe my mother is a narcissist and undiagnosed. And I believe my husband has narcissistic tendencies and/or is one. But I am not a medical professional. I am going on what I’ve experienced with both of them.
When we first met, he was 34 and I was 33. He was unemployed and really not doing well. Drinking in access. A lot. Everyday. But I did not know. I was doing very well. I had spent my 20s creating a fulfilling and financially successful career. He spent his 20s job hopping and, quite honestly, messing around. But we had fun together. But having fun together is not real life.
Here is where the manipulation began. He was upfront about his upbringing and past. And was genuinely making steps towards a better life. He is a born again Christian. And as an educated person, I believe he has grabbed on to what is actually important in the Bible. However, he is unable to abide by what a husband biblically should be. He does not love, protect or provide for me or our child. We joined a church, I became involved and made friends, and we went there as a family for multiple years. Until one night he showed up drunk, and I never went back.
I am the breadwinner. I pay for ev. ry. thing. He keeps his entire paycheck and will not give me money to pay bills. He will also not physically pay the bills. I manage and pay all bills. But not because I don’t want him to. I have begged, cried, and tried a million different systems (both digital and analog) to make him involved. And he flat out refuses. He abused our shared checking by taking money out to “pay bills” from his personal checking account and then did not pay those bills and spent the money. So I would then have to pay multiple months and late fees to catch up. Many. Many. Times.
In addition to not contributing financially, he does not contribute to the household upkeep or yard maintenance. Literally nothing. If I want the yard kept, I do it, or I pay someone to do it. If something on a vehicle goes out, I make the appointment and consult with the technician. But again, not because I want to, but because he will not participate. Or if he does, it’s half assed and more work for me. He does not grocery shop or cook. He has never cooked one meal for me. I think he’s maybe gotten a bowl of ice cream for me a couple times? He does not clean. He has cleaned the bathroom in our home two times. We have lived here 4 years. We live in separate bedrooms because he won’t pickup after himself. His room is squalor. Clothes on every square inch. Fast food wrappers. No sheet on mattress. I have cleaned it for him many times in hopes that we could make a drastic change and start sleepin next to each other again. But he refuses. I know this sounds insane that I have stayed married. It sounds insane to me.
He verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually and financially abuses me. Maybe not all at once, everyday. But one of them most likely daily now. Or a couple. It’s been a very long time since there has been a long stretch of stability or peace.
However, I am changing all of that this year. I have hired an attorney and am climbing through the paperwork right now.
On Christmas morning last year, before we hosted family that day, he threw a (heavy) laundry basket full of dirty clothes at me as I was going down the stairs because I asked him for help with something. And after the first one hit me, I sat down and covered my head so I wouldn’t fall, and he threw another one at me. I don’t know how I masked my raw emotions through the rest of the day with family over. I ate not one bite. I pushed my food around my plate and tried to make my face contort into normal emotions for the day.
But I stayed. Again.
Mother’s Day morning this year. Just one week ago - I spent it locked in my bedroom with our child paying the divorce attorney retainer fee on the laptop as he screamed at me what a piece of shit mother and wife I am. I honestly don’t even know what I did or remember why it escalated. Most likely because it was a holiday - and not about him.
I am exhausted. I have lost close to 30lbs since January. People are beginning to notice.
I wanted a family more than anything. I adore my child. I spend my days and nights dreaming up ways to enrich their life. I wanted family vacations and world travel. I wanted to host, big, extended family holiday gatherings. I wanted my little baby to know what it felt like to have a mom and dad at home together every night. But not at this cost. The very worst part of my parenting is staying married. I am a bad parent every day that I stay here.
I wish I could file the petition and fast forward a year. I know I’ll be okay. It’s ripping off the bandaid that hurts.

The trinity is one of the main topics the INC focuses on, and in every argument/debate i've seen is nothing but a misrepresentation of what Christians (Catholics, Orthodox, and Protestants) believe in the Trinity. This thread is for this purpose of denouncing the lies of the INC in regards to this topic.
I will not give everything off in one post so that people will not get turned off with being introduced to a wall of text so as this thread progresses, more content will drop in.

1) Is the word Trinity in the Bible?

Answer is no. However, this is not a good argument because the word "Bible" and "Epistles" are not found in scripture either. These are words were later made to give a name for certain things taught in the Bible. "Epistle" was made to give a name to all of paul's letters, the word "Bible" was made to give a word for the compiled OT and NT. Likewise, the word "Trinity" was made to have a word for the 3 different persons of God described in the bible.
In the Bible, it was called "the Godhead" Colossians 2:9-10 - In him dwells the fullness of the Godhead.

1. The word "God" in hebrew is Elohim. In one of James_Readme's threads, I asked him as to what the hebrew word for God is, which he chose not respond to. Here is the reason why, if you read the book of Isaiah, you'll see a class of angels such as Cherub and Cherubim, the difference between the two is that Cherub is singular while Cherubim is plural. Same thing with Seraph and Seraphim. In hebrew, anything that ends with an IM is masculine plural, there ElohIM is plural. God is a plural word.

Genesis 1:26 God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness

2) Isaiah 45:5

I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God.
When the INC uses this verse, they are misrepresenting and being dishonest as to what we believe the Trinity to be. We believe the Trinity is 1 God.
Matt 28:19: baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. It says "Name" (singular) not "Names"
John 10:30, I and the Father are one.
John 1:1 - The Word was with God and the Word was God
The Bible shows that there is only 1 God, but it describes 3 different essences of this one God. Therefore since the Bible teaches the Father, Son, and HS to be one God then obvious Isaiah 45:5 is applicable (has always been applicable) to the triune God. Again, go back to the hebrew word for God being "ElohIM".

3) Jesus says the Father is my God

John 20:17 - ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
This is a complicated one, because it will require to understand the nature of Jesus. Being God and Man. When Jesus became man, he took our nature and became submissive to the Father
Hebrews 2:9 - What we do see is Jesus, *who for a little while was given a position 'a little lower than the angels'
Yes, Jesus called the Father God, and likewise God the Father calls Jesus God.
Hebrews 1: 8 - But of the Son he says, “Your throne, O God, is forever and ever.....
Now, the INC posted a "rebuttal" to this https://incmedia.org/does-hebrews-18-call-jesus-god/

Brother Bob: So dear friends, who is this prophecy all about? In Hebrews 1:8, Apostle Paul was simply quoting this: Psalm 45:6-7, “to the Son He says ‘Your throne, O God**,**” and you know, it’s in this portion of the verse is why people draw the conclusion and think that God is calling Jesus God. But, let’s go back again to Hebrews 1:8 and include verse 9 with it this time, because that is so very important to do, it reads this way, including verse 9:

This is a poor rebuttal.
First, this Bob guy doesn't explain is what/who that Psalms 45 prophecy is about. It's a Messianic Prophecy, so even back then in Psalms Jesus is already being called God. This INC minister is not answering as to who is that "God" and why is the Father using that prophecy in reference to the son.

Now, False preachers, they will only read verse 8, leave out verse 9, You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness; Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You With the oil of gladness more than Your companions.”
[Hebrews 1:8-9 New King James Version]
Brother Bob: So dear friends, it is made clear here in verse 9, that to the son, whom God is referring to, is one who has a God. The true God does not have another God, or else there would be two Gods. Hebrews 1:8-9 is simply, then, an important prophecy about the Son who was anointed with the oil of gladness, and who hates lawlessness and loves righteousness.

Verse 9 just proves our point. This isn't implying "another God" but both the Father and the Son to be God. Next, this guy leaves out v10-13 that helps affirm that this entire chapter is showing the Father and Son to be equally 1 God.
V10: HE (God) ALSO SAYS: In the beginning, Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands.
Who is the Father referring to as Lord, who laid the foundations of the earth?
then in v13, “Sit at my right hand, until I make your enemies, a footstool for your feet" This is quoting Psalm 110:1, which begins with "and the Lord said to my Lord, sit at my right hand..." Who is this Lord?
Another reason why this Bob person is wrong is because even the muslims will say Hebrews 1 has the Father calling Jesus God. If you go to the Muslim sub and ask them what do they think of Paul, they will bash him for being a false prophet. The muslims think Paul is the guy who started the belief of the trinity and they use this verse as an example of the "corruption" made by Paul . That is why they reject the NT, that is why they claim the Quran was sent by God --because the NT was corrupted. So even they know what the actual message of this chapter is.

The INC will play games as much as they want, but in the end they have to prove why their church has credibility. They are a church made by filipinos and believed by only filipinos, and they are not only contending with 2000 years of christian teachings but they are basing their stance on a bunch of books that were compiled and translated by churches they consider as "false teachers".
I'll leave this for now, there are other things such as Matthew 24:36 and other verses which i will get through some other time.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Need to vent - please read if you can
Just had a really rough day and need to vent as I don’t have many friends.
Met my wife in college (2010) and everything was going great, We moved in together, graduated, both started working full time and got married in 2014. We have 2 daughters, ages 7 and 5
I was working 3rd shift and would come home, watch my 7 year old when she was a baby until my wife got home and then I would eat dinner, take a nap and wake up for work. I did this for a year or 2 and then my mother in law started to help out. Got a text from my wife saying her mom just walked out of the house yelling at my daughter and went home. Supposedly was calling her a brat and spoiled (to a 2-3 year old) etc.
We then had baby number two in 2020. This was especially difficult with Covid. I worked in drug manufacturing and was required to be on site. So I would work 3rd shift and come home and sleep during the day as we had a nanny at this point (non vaccinated which is important later on). With Covid my wife was super cautious. I was cautious, but she was very cautious. Everyday when I got home from work I had to immediately take my shoes off outside, come in and throw my clothes in the washer and immediately shower. I was the only one doing grocery shopping which had to be wiped down etc etc. my parents lived next door to us but were unsure of getting vaccinated and my wife then did not want them anywhere near the kids. This goes for my aunts uncles and my 2 sisters who were not vaccinated as well.
After our children were born, my wife changed pretty drastically. I was always nervous about having a child from a financial aspect and if we could literally even afford it etc but she assured me we could and I was madly in love with her and wanted to be a father. But once they were born, especially after baby number 2, it felt like everything I did I couldn’t do right. Couldn’t do the dishes right, the laundry correctly, or anything for that matter. But it was only me. Example if I forget to put my shoes away when I come inside, she would call me out about it whereas if she didn’t put her shoes away, I would be a total asshole if I even mentioned it.
She wanted me off of third shift because the girls were too much for her to handle at night by herself, so I took a role on 1st shift where I was home more at night but it didn’t really change anything.
We saved up and were able to purchase a house. Things had gotten so tense between the two of us because she was getting mad at our kids for any reason, ignoring them and just staying in her room while leaving all chores to me (and I mean everything, breakfast dinner lunch, laundry dishes cleaning the bathroom cutting the lawn etc etc) all while she just relaxed in our room.
It got to a point that on the first day we moved into our new home July 2021, I told her that I think she needs to get help and that I would help her and support her etc and she responded by telling me she wanted a divorce.
We talked things through and were together, things seemed to be better. I worked hard and got a new job at work which ended up being a majority remote once I talked to my boss and told him I would like to be home more for the kids wife etc.
So fast forward a year and in the summer she said she had an appointment for a massage 1.5 hours away near her parents lake house. I was never really a fan of the lake house as it’s kinda where she grew up, it’s all her mom talks about and she has people up there still that she has been with in the past.
So I stay home with the kids for the weekend, and I found text messages of her to a guy who lives up there basically saying it was nice seeing him again and that she thinks he was always the one etc etc and sending quotes from a book to him. When she came home I asked her at night about it and she lied. We went to marriage counseling and tried to work on things. One thing I was frustrated with was the sex aspect as we had not had sex in 2 years. She told me that she would not have sex with me unless I got a vasectomy. So I did. And we’ve had sex less then 8 times since then, none of which have been in the past year or so.
One thing I was really against now at this point was going to the lake as the guy she met up with lives on the lake near her parents house. So she ended up booking an air bnb for a week and we all ended up going up there and I was miserable the whole time.
Fast forward a year, I asked if she was sure she wanted to file for divorce and she said yes so I got a lawyer and filed for divorce. We are in the midst of figuring out what to do with the house but it’s going to kill me refinancing my rate. But this morning she wakes up and asked if we have anything planned. I told her I needed to go to the bank and she asked our girls if they wanted to go their with me or if they wanted to go with her to her parents lake house. Of course the girls wanted to go to the lake so I was home by myself today without the girls. I cleaned up the house for everything cleaned ups and tidy for everyone.
I know I’m ranting but it made me so sad and so mad about her going there. I feel like we were meant for each other but we both hold so much in because we hate confrontation which I think is how we ended up in this position. Just sad all around.
I feel like sometimes we are making the wrong decision for our kids and the family and it makes me sad thinking of her with someone else and now having to compete against someone else being my girls dad etc.
Just needed to rant and will be looking at comments if anyone has any advice for me or just encouragement. I would really appreciate it

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Title: Discovering the Sacredness of Marriage through the Bible

Introduction

Welcome, dear readers, to a journey through the sacred pages of the Bible to uncover the profound truths about marriage. Marriage, as designed by God, is a covenant that goes beyond the legal or social constructs; it’s a divine tapestry woven with love, commitment, and purpose. As we explore biblical insights, be prepared to find encouragement, wisdom, and perhaps a renewed perspective on what it means to be united in marriage.

The Divine Blueprint for Marriage

In the beginning, God himself established marriage as a cornerstone for human relationships. Genesis 2:24 states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This passage highlights the deep, intentional connection that marriage is meant to embody—a union of hearts, minds, and spirits. By exploring the first marriage in Eden, we’re reminded of the sacredness intended for every marital union.

Pillars of a Strong Biblical Marriage

• Love and Respect: Ephesians 5:25-33 paints a beautiful picture of the reciprocal love and respect between husbands and wives, anchored in the love Christ has for the church.
• Commitment: Commitment in marriage is mirrored in the covenantal relationship God has with His people. Deuteronomy 7:9 shows us the steadfastness of God’s love and commitment.
• Communication: Proverbs 15:1 teaches us the value of gentle words and the importance of effective communication in avoiding conflicts and nurturing a healthy, thriving relationship.
• Forgiveness: Colossians 3:13 encourages couples to bear with each other, forgiving as the Lord forgave us. This principle is vital in overcoming the inevitable challenges that arise in marriage.

Challenges in Marriage and Biblical Solutions

No marriage is without its challenges, but the Bible offers wisdom and guidance to navigate these trials. James 1:19 advises us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This teaching, along with the principle of selflessness found in Philippians 2:3-4, equips couples to face conflicts with grace, leading to growth and strengthening of the marital bond.

The Ultimate Goal of Marriage

While happiness and companionship are beautiful aspects of marriage, the Bible reveals a deeper purpose. Marriage is a divine reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:32). It’s designed to glorify God, showcase His love to the world, and help each partner grow spiritually. Understanding this profound purpose can transform the way couples live out their marital vows daily.

Conclusion and Call to Action

In closing, marriage, as depicted in the Bible, is a magnificent journey filled with opportunities for growth, joy, and spiritual maturity. Let’s embrace these biblical principles, not just as ideals, but as practical guides to enrich our relationships. Whether you’re single, engaged, or married for years, I encourage you to dive deeper into the Word, reflect on these truths, and allow God’s design for marriage to inspire and shape your relationships.
Feel inspired? Share this post with someone you believe could benefit from these biblical insights on marriage. Let’s spread the wisdom, hope, and love that come from God’s Word!
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
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My husband (30M) and I (28F) got our second retriever who was already 75lbs at 9 months living in a small apartment with a full time nursing student. She said she just can’t give him the life he needs because of school and where she lives. We took him in. We started socializing him early on and I worked on training. I work from home so I can take time training, feeding, and providing attention to him. He had bit me a handful of times because he didn’t want to listen when I told him to stop or leave it (not touching him). Each time he had bitten me my husband questions me and asks “what were you doing? Why would he bite you” or “don’t discipline him, you know he’s going to bite.” Never does he asks if I’m ok or come and handle the situation but instead say dismissive things like it’s my fault. We had taken him to the beach once and he was sitting with me on the beach while my husband was in the ocean. A toddler and dad came up to ask if they could pet him. I said yes! Next thing I know he bites the kid! I was mortified and anxious. Asked if he’s okay and they quickly walked away. I told my husband and he was not bothered by it. After that, any time we go on vacation I drop him off at boarding. One of the places, after watching him a few times, had told me “they are happy to watch our one dog but they can’t watch him.” This boarding place is not only boarding but a board and train facility who is highly recommended in our community. I’m embarrassed. He continues to bite and snap and my husband continues to dismiss and question me like “well why didn’t the dad come and get me when he bit his child” or “yeah right, why would they watch one of our dogs and not him”. I had multiple times told him I’m concerned about our safety because he is unpredictable and is hard to train.
Mind you, I’m the one that stays at home and works full time for the government, works as a pet sitter as a side hustle, manages the home (fixes things, and calls professionals out when needed), the pets, the vacations, and the finances (my husband just graduated medical school so he wasn’t making money and even now, I manage the finances). My husband and I both have advanced degrees but with him having been in medical school and now residency, I have the most flexibility to take care of basically everything. All I’m asking for in my marriage is understanding, sympathy, and support (not that we have to agree on everything).
I’ve been very unhappy in my own house and anxious when guests come over especially with little ones or pregnant friends.
I am tired of my husband saying “his experience with him is different and doesn’t see why I don’t want him.” As a side note, my husband is like this with every “me” issue and dismisses toxic/concerning behavior from our dog and his mom. I was exhausted of his responses to everything serious and saying it’s fine or questioning me that I attempted s*****.
After my attempt, I tried telling my husband that we need to get him a behaviorist and/or training. I had called several places and got quotes. He told me and our therapist that he “doesn’t want to spend the money on it (really “my money”) and that we can do it ourselves” and he “honestly doesn’t think he needs training.”
I bit the bullet and paid for training because my husband is so desperate to keep him. Literally at the first assessment the trainer said “I could see why you would be concerned. You have to decide what you want. Once you decide to start a family you have to think about what is best. He is a pretty dog and him sure he will quickly find a home if choose to do that. You’re not a bad person for considering to rehome him.”
My mom tried talking to him about the dog and my mom’s perspective is that came off as “this is a her problem and I don’t see the issue.” Even recently, now that I am pregnant, his brothers have all agreed that our dog is a lot and that they’ve all had to consider the safety of their babies.
My husband has told me “you don’t need to resent him” or how “I’ll be a bad mom because I have favorites.”
This week my husband was bitten for the first time and he had drawn blood. My husband who is a doctor didn’t want to go get stitches from his work so I superglued his wound. He hasn’t told any of his friends, family, or his doctor friends. He continues to say “yeah it’s a concern but I don’t think he will bite our children” and how “it was his fault he got bitten in the first place.”
I’m just tired of how my husband doesn’t think that this dog is a concern, that actually he is fine and doesn’t need help, and that he makes multiple comments about how I will be as a mother to my kids. I have tried and done everything. And it still feels like my husband picks the dog over my mental health, the safety of our family, and honestly what is best for our dog before he is put down.
Am I overreacting? How I treat my one dog vs my other animals will make me a bad parent? Am I delusional and should continue to give our dog a chance? Just need some perspective.

For context, this story happened nearly 3 years ago, however a recent late-night conversation with a friend made it clear to me that the repercussions of this incident are still being felt to this day.
I (25M) met my now-ex girlfriend (25F), whom I will be assigning the fake name "Anne," when we were both 17 at our small town high school in semi-rural Georgia. Our romantic relationship began following our senior prom which we attended together. Despite our approaching high school graduations, the two of us decided that we could make our relationship work beyond high school and into college since we would both be attending different universities in the same city. We each grew up in typical southern protestant traditions and casually held onto some sort of religious beliefs. I, myself, have always identified religiously as something of a deist, meaning I believed (and still do to this day) that some sort of higher entity, force, or meaning was responsible for existence. Anne, at that time, would have self-identified as a Christian and attended church semi-regularly, however it was never a significant part of her life or attitude toward the world.
Shortly after we both began our new lives as college students in an unfamiliar city, Anne expressed that she would like to search for a new church to attend regularly as it helped create a sense of community and belonging for her which she had been missing since moving away from home. I strongly encouraged this, since I wanted her to be able to make friends and discover herself philosophically. The church that caught her attention was a non-denominational "modern" church that seemed to emphasize community at least on a surface level basis. However, out of curiosity, I took a look at the church's website and did notice a few mentions of "Pentecostal experience", which worried me since my only knowledge of Pentecostals was rumors of snake handling, especially in the more rural areas of the South. However, I chose to not be too judgmental upfront and continued to encourage her to find herself and meet new people.
Over the next few months, Anne started to spend more and more time devoted to bible studies and attending gatherings for women at the church. She specifically asked me not to accompany her on Sunday services since, as she put it, the elder members of the church would not act too kindly about unmarried woman "dragging around" some unfamiliar man who was not her husband. It became clear pretty quickly that she was becoming more than just a casual Christian and I supported this, however we did not talk much about the specifics of what she was being taught at this church.
This all came to a head when one night, Anne asked me if she could pray over me in something she called a "spiritual language." Having only ever heard vaguely of speaking in tongues, I obliged. I sat next to her on my couch and watched as she raised one hand and began quietly chanting in complete gibberish. My heart immediately sank in discomfort and fear but I was too stunned to do anything. so I just sat and watched for several minutes until she finally went quiet. All I could do or say was tell her that I appreciated her thoughtfulness and went about my day.
Pretty soon, the behaviors and acts became more and more extreme. Her "tongues" became louder and more intense and began to include violent shakes and lots (and I mean LOTS) of crying. She spoke of seeing "signs" and hearing "the voice of God" in a very literal sense. Her grades in college even began to suffer as more and more of her time was devoted to these newfound beliefs. Naturally, I became extremely worried that she was slowly slipping into some sort of paranoid delusional psychosis. At the very least, these teachings made her into a much angrier and more paranoid person. It was clear that her new beliefs were more than just a spiritual awakening but also a nose-dive into a mental health crisis.
Our relationship, at this point, was very clearly waning but my feelings toward the woman I once knew were still strong. I decided that it was time for an intervention of sorts. This resulted in me spending a whole weekend studying Pentecostal beliefs and reading Reddit stories from ex-Pentecostals about what it took to break them out of their conditioning. It was on a Monday night when I invited her over to my apartment to confront her about how the things her church were teaching her were actively harming her and even presented her with evidence of how these churches prey on mentally unwell people and how "speaking in tongues" was nothing more than an experience in her own brain chemicals. While I had hoped that hearing her new beliefs be directly confronted would help break the spell they had on her, it seemed to have no effect. Surprisingly, she did not fight back or show much anger toward my confrontation, instead resorting to the "please respect my beliefs" argument that made it so hard to push back against, since, at this time, I was still concerned about preserving our relationship.
Unfortunately, things only got worse from here. I spent some time trying to ignore the issue for the sake of the relationship, especially because I did not sense that I had many other romantic options given my shy nature and struggles to make new friends at college. However, my new "ignorance is bliss" approach to our relationship did not last long. At this point, we had been together for about 3 years and the conversation of marriage and kids started to become serious. I have always wanted kids since I come from a large family with many siblings, which Anne seemingly was excited about as well. However, after a pleasant conversation in which we fantasized about what we would name our children, she said something that sparked an anger in me that I did not often feel. She told me that if any of our future children came out to us as gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or anything like that, that we would have to disown that child at all costs and that she could not love her child knowing that they were a "sodomite" (her words). I have always considered myself an ally of LGBTQ+ folks and wouldn't think twice about loving my children any less if they came out to me and have always felt this way. I did not say much in the moment out of pure shock and instead steered the conversation elsewhere while I quietly boiled over in anger over this comment.
Here is where the title of this post comes into play and where my role in this interaction enters a grey area. I spent several days unable to let this anger subside while imagining my own perspective children being thrown to the streets for bravely coming out to their own parents. I decided that another intervention was necessary, except this time I didn't want to be ignored. I came up with a plan that I referred to as a "scorched earth" intervention. Over the course of an evening, I began texting, calling, or messaging almost every person that Anne was close to. This included family, friends, past friends, classmates, and even some plain old acquaintances. I needed her paranoid and hateful beliefs to be confronted by more than just myself and hoped that if everyone important to her also expressed concern; that she would separate herself from this church and seek proper mental health counseling.
The responses I received from Anne's friends and family ranged significantly. Some people, including her mother whom I was close with, asked that I not try to "insert myself between Anne and God". Some friends agreed with me wholeheartedly and would reach out to Anne over text or in person to try and offer help. Some people met me with total apathy. Unsurprisingly, once Anne found out what I did, she broke things off over a brief but highly emotional phone call. She told me that I had embarrassed her and that supposedly God was telling her I wasn't the man she was supposed to marry. It did not hurt too bad since I was anticipating the end of this relationship for a while. The effects of my approach seemingly had lasting impacts on many of her relationships, however. At least one longtime friendship had ended because the friend was appalled by Anne's new paranoid beliefs. It was also unsuccessful, as Anne would never seek mental health counseling. In fact, it probably pushed her further into her church crowd - only further bolstering her new delusions.
Since much time has passed, I have started to feel uncertain whether or not I did the right thing in trying to have all of Anne's friends and family confront her about her extreme beliefs. At the time, I felt that I was justified and doing the right thing by trying to encourage a clearly delusion person to seek mental health counseling by any means necessary. Now, I am able to realize that I acted out of anger and permanently damaged how some of her oldest friends view her. I also realize that I acted immaturely and probably should not have tried to bring in every person close to Anne to fight a battle on my behalf.
Nowadays, Anne is still with that church and regularly posts on Facebook all sorts of whacky spiritual conspiracies. She is still very clearly paranoid and delusional all while putting on a facade of normalcy. I just pity her for living in a constant state of paranoia at this point. She even works full time with the church as a "worship leader," although I am not sure what exactly that means. She actually got married about a year after the relationship ended to a man she met at her church. They met, got engaged, and married all within 12 months. Thankfully, no children have been brought into this world yet from their relationship, which is surprising to me considering how urgent it seemed to her during our relationship. I do not hear much from any friends or family of hers anymore, other than one mutual friend who told me that Anne frequently refers to me as "that demon." As for myself, I finished school and have not married but was able to finally make friends and go on dates and my future is looking bright.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for my "scorched earth" methods towards my fanatical ex-girlfriend?

Today, twelve years ago, my wife and I were married in the Mesa Temple. Despite the fact that we've since left the Church--leading to me having strongly conflicted feelings about the religious rituals--this remains one of the happiest days of my life.
Our relationship, and our children together, are the absolute highlight of my life. I'm amazed at the little pieces and glimpses of their amazing mother I see in my children every day as they grow up. I find those echoes of her in small moments with them and they're like little miracles to me: the way one of the them laughs, the way one shows compassion, or even in a goofy dance. To borrow a quote from Christopher Hitchens: "My three delightful children are my only chance of a second life, let alone an immortal one."
From the first moment I met her, I was drawn towards her in a very real way--as if something deep down inside of me knew that we needed each other on some level. Even when we were just dating, there was just something different about her--some form of unique fate-like gravity that pulled me towards her. While our life and marriage has not been without its challenges, they've always brought us closer together.
Over the past several years in particular, this has proven to be incredibly prescient. I will never forget the way she responded with compassion towards me when I first told her: "I do not know if I believe the Church is true any longer." She held me close and with zero judgment, promised to study and get to the bottom of it with me. I can never repay or adequately explain how much I needed her love in that moment--and she held me up.
Because her family was raised much more fundamentalist one than I was (and my family really never missed a Sunday or any other activity), I legitimately feared that even voicing my doubts would lead to the end of our marriage. Instead, the difficult journey we've been on has brought us closer than we've ever been before. We're more happy, connected, authentic, and fulfilled than we ever were for the first ten years.
Which leads me to what I wanted to share with you all:

• If you think that people cannot find legitimate happiness and joy outside of the Church, you're wrong because I have these things in much greater abundance than I did as a believer.
• If you think that people cannot raise children to be moral or kind outside of the Church, you're wrong because my children are flourishing in a household that allows them to be themselves.
• If you think that someone's marriage is on some kind of timer because they've left the Church, you're wrong because ours has never been stronger.

Note that I'm not saying that every marriage or even every individual will be better outside of the Church, but that is my experience. My life, my marriage, my family is unequivocally better in basically every way. I offer this because if you're in one of the hard days--in the midst of a faith crisis--it can be hard to remember there are good days too. I also offer this because if experience is a legitimate form of evidence, mine is equally valid and indicates that my life is unquestioningly better today than it was three years ago, before my faith crisis.
And one of the most interesting parts to me of our marriage post-faith crisis is the changes I've seen in myself and my own choices. I'm an optimistic nihilist--among other things--that believes there's no objective point to anything we do. And yet, I find myself much more willing to sacrifice for my wife and kids today than I ever was before. I'm happy to have dishes be the first thing I do after a day at work, when I would grumble before. I legitimately care more today about them because they're the point of life that I have selected for myself.

So, the final line of Boom (which I thought was a brilliant episode) is a quote from Philip Larkin in his poem "An Arundel Tomb." This poem is about this tomb, and ostensibly describes the "love" on display, with the final line being "what survives of us is love." Sweet sentiment right? And I feel as though this is what Moffat took at face value - but the actual poem seems to be more sinister than that.
The full final stanza reads as follows:
"Time has transfigured them into
Untruth. The stone fidelity
They hardly meant has come to be
Their final blazon, and to prove
Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love."
Basically, they don't actually love each other very much (as was typical for forced marriages) but the human instinct to attribute everything to love and oversell the importance and power of love has "transfigured them into untruth," as this is all that remains. We have no real frame of reference for who these people were, but this fake display is all that remains of them.
Personally, I think that this line being used could easily have been Moffat just hearing it out of context and finding it poignant, but this is gallifrey so I am eager to hear any ideas on how this is actually a grand idea and is intentionally foreboding. That's not sarcasm, I genuinely want to hear any wild theories!

have a friend with a shitty boyfriend, and I can't just say that because he'll stop being my friend and my partner's friend. He can't handle directness at all.
And he has an unhealthy relationship with his mom, and I can't say that because it's none of my business. But his mom is a terrible person, and he wants me to hang out with her. I can't hide a strong dislike for someone. And! I can't just say that because he'll stop being my friend and my husband's friend.
And my MiL said some homophobic stuff, and I just had to pretend to understand her feelings on it. She quoted the Bible about "man shall not lay with man," and I immediately corrected her saying it's "man shall not lay with boy," and that it's a mistranslation from latin. She didn't really like that, but I wasn't intentionally being aggressive, so I think she let it slide? I was in her house and didn't have transportation home at the time. I couldn't really afford to be assertive.
And my MiL is friends with this lady that treated my husband extremely badly. I don't know all of it still, but the things I do know are fucked up. The lady came from a rich family, sized me up with a "so what do you want to do when you grow up?" which actually means "if you plan to make a lot of money, I will respect you," and was just generally snooty and pretentious. My MiL says this lady saved her life, and I have a good guess that my MiL is just this lady's walking example of her generosity. Like an object used for reputational gain. Can't suggest that, though, because MiL will dismiss it and likely lose respect for me.
I can't think of more, but I'm constantly having people telling me things and not being able to speak my mind because a massive fallout will occur. Burning bridges and such.
I was told I'm condescending, and I'm sure that's true. I don't think people change, so I expect patterns to continue. My friend will probably choose another crappy boyfriend if this one doesn't work out. And so on. Assuming things like this has bitten me in the ass before though. I'm a bit out of it, but this feels relevant. I'm also not good with confrontation. And I feel like this post probably makes me look naïve and maybe an asshole myself.
Idk, I'm typing too much. I'm working on the condescending thing. I can't burn bridges because I don't have any support otherwise. If I ever need anything I can't do myself, I'll have no one.

So I met this guy online through Instagram, being very conscious I knew all the red flags and did not really reply to randoms. I run a blog and we connected randomly over a cat, this was not a typical conversation but something which is rare where we had a lot of similarities and were being very respectful regardless of our professions being the same as well. We had/have a lot of similarities which I was surprised at first. we kept on talking and exchanged number met once over coffee and everything was pretty decent. Now this is 2 months down and the guy never talked to me about anything wrong, Snapchat or any bullshit when I say NO RED FLAG, there was none. He was extremely serious and nice very respectfull too and we both were in the mess of avoiding arrange marriages.. He introduced his family to mine over call, and told his parents about me and they wanted to make things more serious. Later on we met again when our parents were involved too and it was really nice. A true soul connection where you both are on the same frequencies, it is coming from someone who had her fair share of bad relationships so i wasn't really expecting anything and it really felt at times to good to be true. End of the month him and his parents wanted to come over our house and they did. The plot twists starts now, the guy belongs to an Air Force family where everyone is very well educated, brother is doctor and everyone seem pretty nice.
When they came his father started asking very vague questions to my father which i will quote
" How many rooms do you have in your house?"
"Is this honda city you travell on? i thought you travell on a better 4 wheeler?
"Is this house on rent?"
"why houses around are big?"
Beta we are sending our son to UK, why arent you studying further??
His mother to me:
you have never traveled abroad? we took our children (2 boys) to everywhere
why didn't you?
This all felt more like an investigation rather then a rishta, my mother regardless made so many things and treated them well. We are always very respectful and kind to our guests. We are a well educated family and everything one wants. The fact they live in a joint family and out of skirts of the city which we never asked... Long story short, they ate well, greeted and went home, and after an hour of reaching home both the parents texted to my parents that our son is going go to Uk for further studies and we are not interested in any sort of relationship and the son msged me " i won't take any further step without my parents consent"
Now this is the same guy who was begging that he wants his parents to come and see us, they are all ready, dont need anything but a good educated girl, literally promising and what not.
I kinda feel so disrespected and conufsed that wtf happened, any remarks/suggestions would be helpful <3

My mom has always been very anti-religion my entire life and a couple years ago she essentially came out as Christian. She was crying and telling me how worried she is for me and how she knows that I hate god (even though I don't believe in one???). I've had a lot of mental health stuff and she told me that she used to be so scared of me killing myself that she prayed on it and god told her that I won't die until I'm saved so its just my destiny I guess. She told me this as a warning because "Jesus will break your legs to get you there" and she wanted to save me from that pain. Jesus sounds like a narcissistic asshole. Pass. I just told her that I'm glad that she's happier now but that's not my thing.
For a while she was very annoying about trying to convert me and would say that if she wasn't trying to get me into heaven then she clearly didn't love me. I told her that this behavior wouldn't change my mind it would just make me not want to be around her anymore. She told me "if that's how it has to happen, so be it." Ouch. She refused to consume any "secular" media ie: normal ass movies that she's enjoyed since the 90's. She would very regularly lecture me on how every single thing I enjoy is satanic or evil in some way, ESPECIALLY my music. So far I've learned that jesus will abuse you until you love him, christianity means not giving a fuck if your kid never speaks to you again and anything that brings anyone joy is bad.
At one point she told me that when I told her I'm just glad that she's happy that she wanted to tell me she's the most miserable she's ever been.
She's calmed down a lot recently and isn't so aggressive about converting me. She does still try to trick me by doing things like showing me a new "metal" band that I might like and it's just another shitty christian singer. Last night she broke down crying and said that she's just so miserable here on Earth and that every night she prays that she doesn't wake up. All she wants to do is join god and since being saved all she can see is all of the bad around her. She has always struggled with mental health but becoming christian seems to have made it so much worse. I've always thought that people turn to religion to make themselves feel better so I'm completely lost as to why my mom is doing this to herself.
She has become very nasty and judgemental in the name of god but if she ever does anything wrong she'll quote some shit about not judging others from the bible. She also became homophobic over night.
Some of her craziest christian hot takes:
She once told me that she's jealous of one of the mothers of a child who died in a school shooting because her daughter was a martyr.
There are invisible ghost things that whisper to babies while they sleep and make them gay.
She won't quit smoking because if god wanted her to quit he would've taken the urge away when she was saved.
She's OK with my little sister dying because she's a believer and would go to heaven but if I died she'd be upset because she'd know I'm going to hell.
It is sinful and unnatural for us to get treated for our bipolar because that's how god made us. (We're very miserable and bad to other people without medication and therapy but ok).
My little sister was in a very controlling, abusive relationship and he would make her dress a certain way which is obviously bad and my mom agreed. Now she has a christian boyfriend who makes her dress a certain way but my mom thinks it's endearing because this time it's in the name of god.
Christians are the most oppressed group.
We should teach christianity in public schools.
Tattoos are bad and sinful UNLESS they're religion related.
God cured her of her fear of spiders when she was saved.

Some books I have,
The Numinous And Modernity by Todd A Gooch
Rudolf Otto and the Foundation of the History of Religions by Yoshitsugu Sawai
Rudolf Otto and the Concept of Holiness by Melissa Raphael
Rudolf Otto: An Introduction to His Philosophical Theology by Philip C. Almond
These books are too off topic from Idea of the Holy itself. They are tangentially related like situating Otto in context with other theologians, or they deal with his messy interpretation of Kant, or something. Maybe I already have a suitable book (do I?) but from what I gather I don't. Maybe I am wrong. I am looking for a book that picks apart Idea of the Holy itself... his contradictory exploration of benevolent holiness and its tangled upness with daemonic dread in his concept of the numinous.
***************
from Numinous and Modernity, good example of what I mean,
"Otto claims that, on the contrary, the origin of the gods must be sought in the unfamiliar and uncanny. It is precisely when the gods become too familiar that they begin to loose (sic) their religious power, as was the case, for example, in ancient Greece. (Otto speaking ->) 'Where the goddesses and gods became all-too noble and all-too charming and all-too human-like, belief in them was not at its highpoint, as one would have to assume according to the doctrine of anthropomorphism' ." (116)
(Otto ->) The pictures of the gods of the world, brought together in one heap, would put to shame all of today's museums of futuristic artists in terms of the imagination (Fantastik), strangeness and inexhaustibility of the wholly means of expression of the wholly unfamiliar (des ganz Befremdlichen) that they display. If the oxen strove to see their gods as oxen, humans would appear on the contrary to have had quite the opposite ambition, portraying their gods as half or whole cows, calves, horses, crocodiles, elephants, birds, fish, as marvelous hybrids, hermaphrodites and hideous beings, as weird, confused forms (Schling- und Zeichen-gebilde) and who knows what else (116)
Something cool about this book is that it quotes an Otto book never translated into english and gives some translation of interesting bits. This is really helpful to me and my work.
*******************
from Idea of the Holy
"Though the numinous emotion in its completest development shows a world of difference from the mere 'daemonic dread', yet not even at the highest level does it belie its pedigree or kindred. Even when the worship of 'daemons' has long since reached the higher level of worship of 'gods', these gods still retain as numina something of the 'ghost' in the impress they make on the feelings of the worshipper, viz. the peculiar quality of the 'uncanny' and 'aweful', which survives with the quality of exaltedness and sublimity or is symbolized by means of it. And this element, softened though it is, does not disappear even on the highest level of all, where the worship of God is at its purest. Its disappearance would be indeed an essential loss."
"The numinous only unfolds its full content by slow degrees, as one by one the series of requisite stimuli or incitements becomes operative. But where any whole is as yet incompletely presented its earlier and partial constituent moments or elements, aroused in isolation, have naturally something bizarre, unintelligible, and even grotesque about them. This is especially true of that religious moment which would appear to have been in every case the first to be aroused in the human mind, viz. daemonic dread. Considered alone and per se, it necessarily and naturally looks more like the opposite of religion than religion itself. If it is singled out from the elements which form its context, it appears rather to resemble a dreadful form of auto-suggestion, a sort of psychological nightmare of the tribal mind, than to have anything to do with religion; and the supernatural beings with whom men at this early stage profess relations appear as phantoms, projected by a morbid, undeveloped imagination afflicted by a sort of persecution-phobia. One can understand how it is that not a few inquirers could seriously imagine that 'religion' began with devil-worship, and that at bottom the devil is more ancient than God."
I don't have a quote of this right now but in a footnote on page 106-107 of the Oxford edition, Otto mentions something he calls the negative numinous. This is the only place in the book he talks about this but basically it is the wrathful or evil manifestation of holiness.
*******
I'm sharing this here because Otto has been hugely influential on horror lit... to modern authors like Matt Cardin and Richard Gavin. Not entirely sure but probably John Langan as well.
Haunted Presence: The Numinous In Gothic Fiction by S L Varnado is a book applying Otto's concept of Holiness to gothic horror fiction.
This is the same guy (Rudolf Otto) who said Wuthering Heights was "a supreme example of the daemonic in literature". His theology is especially applicable to literature. Not the Bible so much at all.
Otto doesn't cite this but should have... Job 4:15
¹³ In thoughts from the visions of the night, when deep sleep falleth on men,
¹⁴ Fear came upon me, and trembling, which made all my bones to shake.
¹⁵ Then a spirit passed before my face; the hair of my flesh stood up:
¹⁶ It stood still, but I could not discern the form thereof: an image was before mine eyes, there was silence, and I heard a voice,
Is sort of how Rudolf Otto is thinking when he talks about daemonic dread.
what is fascinating to me is that Otto draws a connection between this emotion and holiness.
I am doing my MA Thesis on Negative numinous in particular and applying it to horror literature. Not just the numinous generally. I also will be citing The Terror That Comes In The Night by David J Hufford, who calls the nightmare numinous.

In the exploration of the Bible's reliability, I would like to delve into five key areas of evidence: Manuscript, Archaeological, Prophetic, Statistical, and Internal Cohesion. These pillars provide robust support for the Bible's historical accuracy, divine inspiration, and internal consistency. Through the meticulous examination of ancient manuscripts, the confirmation of archaeological findings, the fulfillment of prophetic predictions, the statistical improbability of chance, and the seamless cohesion of its contents, we uncover compelling reasons to trust the Bible as a faithful record of God's revelation to humanity. Let us embark on this journey of discovery, guided by evidence and reason, to illuminate the enduring validity and significance of the Holy Scriptures.

1. Manuscript Evidence. Ancient copies of the Bible, whether fragments or complete texts, are referred to as manuscripts. These manuscripts allow us to compare their content with modern Bibles, providing substantial evidence for textual consistency.
a. New Testament Bible Manuscripts:

• Approximately 5,800 Greek manuscripts exist.
• Including translations into Latin, Coptic, and Syriac, the total number is approximately 24,000.
• The oldest fragment, the Rylands Library Papyrus P52, is dated to around 125 AD, approximately within one generation of the completion of the New Testament texts.

In contrast:
b. Manuscripts of Caesar's "Gallic Wars":

• About 10 known manuscript copies.
• The oldest surviving manuscript dates to around 900 AD, approximately 1,000 years after Caesar's time, allowing substantial time for potential textual changes.

c. Manuscripts of Aristotle's Works:

• Around 49 extant manuscripts.
• The oldest manuscript is from around 1100 AD, about 1,400 years after Aristotle's lifetime, providing ample time for variations and changes in the text.

d. Given the overwhelming manuscript evidence, which far surpasses that of any other historical work, it is clear that the Bible has been reliably preserved through the millennia. See some quotes from prominent Bible scholars supporting this in this link.

2. Archaeological evidence. Archaeological findings consistently support the historical accuracy of the Bible, verifying dates, cities, locations, and buildings mentioned in the scriptures.
a. John 5 details Jesus healing a man by the pool of Bethesda, located near the "Sheep Gate" in Jerusalem. The text mentions that the pool had five roofed colonnades. Scholars once doubted these details, but in 1951, archaeologists discovered a large pool near the Sheep Gate with five covered porches, confirming John's account.
b. Archaeology often corroborates biblical narratives, making it a valuable tool for biblical studies.
c. The Bible provides historically accurate details, as supported by numerous archaeological discoveries. Some more examples can be found in this link.

3. Prophetic evidence. Prophecies concerning Jesus and others have proven that the Bible is the work of God.
a. Conservatively, at least 300 prophecies about Jesus in the Old Testament have been fulfilled perfectly in the New Testament. For example:

• Psalm 22, written around 1000 BC, was fulfilled during Jesus' crucifixion, when He was "pierced," His clothes divided, lots cast for His garments, and darkness covered the land.
• Isaiah 53, written in 700 BC, details the suffering servant and the crucifixion of Jesus.
• See many more examples in this link.

b. The perfect fulfillment of such a great number of prophecies is evidence of the Bible's divine inspiration.

4. Statistical evidence. The probability of over 300 prophecies being perfectly fulfilled in Jesus is colossal.
a. Statistically speaking, it's more likely for someone blindfolded to randomly select one specific grain of sand from all the beaches around the world on their first try, than for all the prophecies of Jesus to be fulfilled in a person by chance.
b. The vast multitude of fulfilled Bible prophecies provide a strong basis for belief in its divine inspiration.

5. Internal Cohesion. The Bible is non-contradictory and internally cross-referenced. It was written over a period of approximately 1,500 years, from around 1400 BC to 95 AD. The oldest book of the Bible, Genesis, or Job, is thought to have been written around 1400 BC, while the newest book, Revelation, was written around 95 AD. The Bible was written by approximately 40 human authors on three continents: Asia, Africa, and Europe. These authors came from diverse backgrounds, including shepherds, fishermen, kings, and priests. Despite the differences in their writing styles and personalities, the authors were guided by the Holy Spirit to record the words and events of God’s revelation.
a. There are no contradictions in the Bible. The authors wrote from their own perspectives and experiences, but the Holy Spirit ensured that their writings were consistent with God’s ultimate message. The Bible is a unified book that presents a cohesive and harmonious account of God’s relationship with humanity.
b. There are some copyist errors in the Bible due to mistakes made by scribes and copyists when copying manuscripts of the Bible over the centuries. These errors can include simple spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and even changes in the meaning of the text. However, despite these errors, the Bible has been preserved with remarkable accuracy.
c. There have also been attempts to tamper with God’s word over the centuries, involving additions, alterations, or omissions in numerous copies and translations. However, when cross-examining these against the thousands of comparative manuscripts, these can be quickly identified and eliminated.
d. Some apparent contradictions can be explained by differences in the authors’ focus, audience, and purpose. For example, the accounts of the centurion’s statement about Jesus in Matthew and Luke can be seen as complementary rather than contradictory, as they highlight different aspects of Jesus’ character and mission.
e. The Bible’s internal consistency is a testament to the divine inspiration and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Featuring some 63,779 cross-references (see an impressive depiction in this link), the authors’ human limitations and biases were overcome by the Spirit’s work, resulting in a book that is both historically accurate and theologically rich.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

My Dad is bringing up a very important word,
"No"
Actually, I think that was his favorite word.
I had a great habit of using it when I was under his roof. What he said is usually what happens first. He was the head of the house and the leader of his own reality. When he was intoxicated or not, what he saw and thought in his mind came to life, even when it never took place in real time.
Why did I give him so much respect when he clearly was showing me toxicity in our relationship at home?
He pretended to be a person of high stature when we are in public. No one would have guessed his bad habits with substances at home and the way he acted behind closed doors. When I reached out for emotional support at school or church, I was mostly shunned by anyone that listened to my story. They taught me that my feelings were wrong and asking for help gets me in trouble. When I told my mom anything, she was busy at work and came home tired. She trusted everything my father would tell her and I got in trouble for speaking out for his behavior. I was kept at home and if anything that could get me out of the house was already planned to be declined if I asked to do anything.
It was hard to please anyone at this point.
I kept my room spotless and vacuumed everyday, just so my dad couldn't say no and tell me to clean my room if I had a friend standing next to me wanting to hang out.
I had one friend in my life that saw my father for who he really is and he scared her pretty bad. He chased me to her car when I was trying to leave my house, he was on oxy at the time. My friend hesitated and kept the car in the driveway and told me to go do what he said. I wanted her to drive as fast as she could away from him, because he took the battery out of my car and I couldn't leave to be with Suz.
Well, after that incident, I lost my friend. She told her parents what happened and she broke all contact with me and stopped talking to me at church. Rumors went around and her mom I sang with on stage started to be disrespectful towards me.
I learned a valuable lesson that day....
When you feel safe enough to speak out and let someone see your true self, you scare people away.
When I trusted someone, I was abandoned when they saw my life for what it is.
The truth was hard to swallow and I had to stay around my father regardless of trying to find help in some form of way I felt heard. I tried to be emancipated, I went to church and sought out resources, I researched about how to prevent suicidal tendencies, I was speaking to a child psychologist. I was working on being more respectful towards my parents, but when my dad got high and made up stories to be angry and attack me. I had no way to protect myself and prove that it was just my father being an addict going through a psychotic episode.
This is why the Lord forced me into psychology.
I didn't want anything to do with it! (Working in a psych ward.... It sucked.)
Suz was the first person to really allow me to learn how to understand it with her version of explaining reality. She is a psychic medium. A very good one! She was very outspoken, rude and funny.... I can take the hard criticism. Nothing amounted to the trauma my father already caused me to feel. I survived high school band.... My director was exactly like my father and I was verbally abused at school by certain individuals.
I kept it all to myself and I planned very strategically my way to "heaven". I kept a journal on purpose for someone to find later. I wrote about everything I was feeling and how I was being treated, my poems, other interesting facts about spirituality, death and dying.
Suz taught me how to have a "book of shadows"..... Well, she is a witch..... It shouldn't be scary when I say that, she was a very proud "light witch". She only worked for the good of humanity. Christianity shuns such practices, but it really is part of the culture before religion became a thing. She taught me so many things that my Dad made me swear I would never get involved in.....
My Dad went into psychology after he decided he wasn't going to be a pastor. His past marriage was a major roadblock for him that he lost faith in God and didn't feel it was right for him to lie on stage to other believers when he wasn't being honest about his own walk in faith anymore.
A divorce would literally kill my soul. I can't imagine what betrayal feels like until you promise your life in vows to someone and it doesn't work out....My Dad made sure to show me that marriage is a special connection and I had to be very cautious who I accept as my spouse. I never forgotten how important it was for him to see me with the right man, but he was so overprotective, he never allowed me to learn how to date or even go to a school dance.
I blame the drugs for interfering in our relationship as a family. My Father was a very smart man, until he took a pill, shot up, or drink... My dad worked in anesthesia, he knew how to mix his own concoction and by pass the system to get his fix. He was forced to retire don't worry, but his knowledge to get drugs was phenomenal all that he knew about medicine.
It really sucked that he knew psychology and ways to manipulate people to get what he wanted. He was a very skilled hypnotherapist on top of that. My family is the result of a head narcissist raising more products of himself.
If you see my family now, we are estranged for good reasons, but they still hurt me personally. I really tried to keep us together after my father passed away, but the rest of my family chose to ignore my advances to keep in contact. I'm not even invited to the family reunions.
It's okay, because we have a lot of family history of incest and "S.A." and I understand why we are not invited.... I know a lot of things about our family after my father passed away. I know why he turned to be a pastor and then went in psychology to help himself and others, but then he lost his way and turned to drugs to mask his pain. The enemy stepped in and my Dad gave into his weaknesses..... He tried and he fought hard. Even when he attacked me my whole life. I still sat there and listened to him and I was forced to listen and not leave the room, but then God showed me to talk back to my Dad.....
So, I started to read more about the Bible and relate to him.
That's why I went to church...
I went to church 4 times a week to get away from the house, but to also just understand why I want to end my life and know that I would go to heaven if I actually tried it.....I was worried about my Mom and how my actions would affect her, she was a big reason why I stalled my plans and then my Dad had this wise idea to get me to work at a mortuary. Told me to walk into one and ask for a job.
Crazy how I jump topics all of a sudden, but this is how my Dad and I got along with each other. Weird and comical. lol
If it wasn't about music, it was about spirituality. I was into a lot of death related shows because I was suicidal. If you remember any of these, they came out around the time I was in high school.
Six Feet Under
Dead Like Me
Dr. G Medical Examiner
1000 Ways to Die
Ghost hunters
Crime Scene Clean Up Crew shows.
I would walk in the dining room while he was chillin in his hospital bed. Watching Finding Big Foot.
"Hey DAD! check this out."
It was a nice distraction to his day. It brought up his own fears with common daily interactions because of my odd obsession with the topic of dying.
My father at this point in his cancer diagnosis, he was on something they call,
Palliative care.
My mom explained to me that it means he was going to die. Lovely how blunt my mother is, but that's how she said it without sugar coating it....
But it was in a way it would be under his terms. My father at this point died once while receiving radiation therapy. His heart stopped and was revived. When he woke up angry and violent towards at the medical team. He yelled at my mom that he was ready to "go". So, after that incident he got the right person to sign him up for his new journey to his death.
That was a weird way of telling you what palliative care is, but that's how I found out and understood that he had a "DNR" to his name after that incident. Sometimes he was in a hospice home for a few months to give us a break at home dealing with his drama.
My Dad was surrounded by death, so it made me really research death and dying very deeply. I was afraid for anyone to see the books I read because they were about taboo topics you shouldn't see a teenager obsessing over. Death and dying, crossing over, letting go of loved ones, suicide survivors, decomposition of human remains, the death process, how a body is embalmed, what medical examiners while cutting open a corpse.
Then I got into the spiritual side of things that involve the devil and crossing over. How to avoid walking back towards hell when you are deceived by dark forces. How to fight your inner hell and not be trapped in that mindset when you are passing away.
I would have the craziest dreams after learning about these topics. But in a weird way, all I wanted to do was sleep to escape my reality. I would talk to my Dad about the stuff I found about those topics and it helped him be closer to me as a father. Something my little brother doesn't understand and ridiculed about me when he criticized my relationship with him. He had his own way to being with Dad, but my way, was with deeper meaning and serious topics. Stuff only Dad and I knew what that meant. It wasn't supposed to make sense to my mom or brother the special talks we had when he was in pain laying in bed.
I showed my Dad the other side to life....
I helped my Dad not be afraid to die, and do it with dignity and strength.
I helped my Dad understand that his addictions didn't ruin our connection as father and daughter and that I wanted to forgive him for his past before he died. He really appreciated my understanding that the drugs turned him into a different person, but inside of him, God was always there. My father told me, because of me, I allowed him to find love for God again and he was closer to his Mom because I showed him to not be afraid of my friend Suz.
That my friend wasn't evil and she taught me so much about angels and spirits, he was learning about them because I had the best mentor in the world. She helped me find my relationship with my Dad, that brought me to be closer to God and because I learned about God in a metaphysical way, I helped myself grow in my own understanding to where I wasn't going to end my life.
I found a reason to live even through the pain of watching the enemy run through my family and take away everyone and everything that means something to me.....
(I would like to post this, but I know it's not ready. I have so much to say and I know my story will help someone else not be afraid.)
I am still writing my story.
This is the book I was supposed to write about....
The one about death and dying.
Not about my background in psychology.
*That is a message for someone else. hint hint... That is your topic to write about. I hope you receive that message with understanding and go forth wisely. You asked me to remind you, so I am, quietly...
I am working with others in a way the Lord leads me.
It takes up my energy from writing and I have to prioritize what is more important. When it comes to someone's transition. I feel led to help someone cross over. I've done this since I was a child. No one taught me to understand how I do this. I also dream about meeting certain individuals and speak to them about life and death, God allows me to remember my dreams and I share them with the people it is about.
Most times, God will send people to talk to me and then I learn about them dying or having a terminal illness that is difficult to get through. That is where I am reminded of my life with my father and my jobs in the medical field and bring up all that I learned about death, dying, spirituality, religion, crossing over, eastern medicine, etc....
Then I become friends, or we have nice conversations that are very engaging and healing in general. I am later told that I have helped them in some way and they are happy to have met me. Then my dad shows up in my presence and shows me how I am doing what I am supposed to and to trust my gut feelings from now on. He promised me when he was alive, he was always going to be by my side and teach me about life.
Now I finally understand what he meant by that and I now that I know how to
"Listen with my HEART"
That is how he spoke to his mom before he crossed over. I taught him how and he was able to go deeper with it since his soul was ascending and leaving the physical body. The dream state plays a big part of crossing over and communicating with loved ones. That is where my gifts come into play. I am sensitive enough to feel him and learn his lessons that he encourages me to write it all down.
I'm not the writer I wish to become yet, but as long as it's getting out there for someone to find, that's all that matters.
Don't forget to realize that we are all dying. Don't allow your diagnosis or reality to have you feel stuck in misery until you die. Don't allow the pain and confusion to stop you from gaining understanding to the karma you're experiencing.Being a medium for me has been traumatizing, because I had to earn my way to understanding. I had to experience hell in order to seek solitude and want to create peace with my sanity and not let the forces around me cause me to go insane. I went "within" so I can heal my trauma and know what triggers me to thinking about the negative side to things.
That is all the enemy fighting with you spiritually.
When we die, we lose our vessel, not our spirit.
We are the spirit having the human experience.
This isn't forever.
Thank God for that!
Pain does end, but learn what the pain wants to teach you about life around you. You will help someone else with your story when you're meant to cross paths.
Everyone in your life is there to teach you something.
Are you ready for the lesson?
Are you ready to understand your lesson?
So, it's crazy how I end up writing these posts, but they are all for a reason that I don't understand right now, but I'm doing as I'm told.
I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of anyone stalking me because I speak of life in a way no one else has, because this is my story.
I don't know why I wrote it this way before I got here.
My destiny, I mean.....
I know my purpose now and of all the things I pushed away in my life, God forced me to go back into it and learn more about myself. The things I didn't want to face and be reminded about my Dad.... I just want to live my life in peace. I didn't want to think about my past love, but I meet people that remind me of my life back home and that person in particular.....
So, it's all hitting at once. It's a slow process, my father has been gone for 11 years now. I'm getting the hang of it now...... Writing this isn't a race for me, the lessons are exciting to finally understand why I went through them, but again.... Time helps me explain things better when I see it in a different perspective. I couldn't have accomplished that goal until I went through the pain and worked on my character to change my outcomes to my problems. I had to change myself first.
I hope those that are part of this journey with me understand that I am only putting out there tools to help them succeed.
I'm not going out of my way to create another trauma bond or narcissistic injury towards anyone. I love them very much and I want them to work on themselves and gain abundance correctly, not with the use of black magic and occult practices.
That's another story for another day. Suz wants them to know that she was in my life to warn me about my lessons in my future, but I can't run from them. I am here to learn lessons and teach others how to learn theirs.
That's all this is about.
Life is a stage, how do you want to play it?
I choose to grow and allow myself to see the positive to where I feel the emotion of bliss, love, joy and acceptance of all things coexisting together.
I be back soon,
I hope you have a nice weekend.
<3,
Tina,

Yeah we all know that tying someone to a bench and tazing them with a cattle prod is not cool, but thats already illegal - no more laws required to ban that. What the ban on conversion therapy is really about is banning anyone from commenting on lifestyle choices. For example it would be illegal to read your own son quotes from the Bible/Quran about sinning.
According to the CDC, in 2021, among males, 81% of HIV infections were attributed to male-to-male sexual contact.
https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics
Yes a whopping 81%.
So given the above statistic, if a safe & quick medicine was invented to convert homosexuals, then hypothetically what would be wrong with that? It would stop the majority of HIV transmissions and probably allow us to end this pandemic completely. I know its beyond beyond modern science to invent such a thing, but maybe not in the future.
Does anyone have a real rebutal to this that isnt based on telling me what I cant think & say?

While debating against a Muslim skeptic about the reliability and authenticity of the Gospels, he used the textual criticism angle to prove the "corruption" of the New Testament during its early transmissions. He gave me a book titled "Hunting for the Word of God" by Sami Ameri which discusses extensively the corruption of the Bible and the preservation of the Quran through a primarily textual-critical viewpoint. He cites a bunch of textual critics to demonstrate that we cannot trust the Bible but we can trust the Quran. It's a long book, unfortunately, so this post would be the first part in a I-don't-know-how-many-parts series of my hyper-focused dive into textual criticism of a potentially biased Muslim author. Please share your thoughts or any refutations or something. Thanks.
Key Points for the Corruption of the Bible (pp. 9-36)

• Biblical textual criticism's goal of restoring the original texts of the Gospel texts is an arrogant attempt to achieve an impossible and ambiguous task. Michael W. Holmes in "From 'Original Text' to 'Initial Text': the Traditional Goal of New Testament Textual Criticism in Contemporary Discussion" declared inadequate or deficient the traditional goal as many scholars consider that the study of the history of transmission of the text should be a legitimate goal in its own right rather than just a means of reaching the original text and finding the 'original text' is in itself an inherently ambiguous term subject to the serious question of whether it can be considered a goal. Eldon J. Epp in "The Multivalence of the Term 'Original Text' in New Testament Textual Criticism" expounds its complex meaning as the question which encompasses all of the questions about the issue of canon, the transmission in different languages despite Jesus' primarily Aramaic teachings, the formation of oral and form tradition of pre-literary Gospels, the Synoptic problem and its compositional stages alongside the Epistles, Acts, and Apocalypse, the textual decision among various readings without an 'original text' basis, and the validity and reliability of the text-critical methodologies that attempt to establish criteria of originality, eclectisms, and claims of theological and ideological alterations of manuscripts. Finally, Reuben Swanson in "New Testament Greek Manuscripts: Variant Readings Arranged in Horizontal Lines against Codex Vaticanus: Romans" went as far as to say that the traditional goal was a delusion, fictional, mythical, and impossible because first, only fragments of copies before 350 AD are owned which had not preserved 'the original pure text', and second, any final judgment between readings is subjectively conditioned by background, training, and theological bent.
• Aside from the sheer impossibility of textual criticism's goal to restore the 'original text', the science does not comprehensively answer the 'obscure zone' of the history of the texts. In fact, this 'zone' not only weakens the claim that the initial texts were preserved but also strengthens the hypothesis that the initial texts underwent many changes and alterations which may be called "corruptions". Ameri provides 10 major signs:
  • The text itself, based on Philip W. Comfort's "The Quest for the Original Text of the New Testament", gives proof of corruption in the 'obscure zone'. Comfort divides New Testament texts into two categories: texts that maintained the same shape of the autographs and texts that underwent the first phase of composition, edition, distribution and the second phase of re-edition and ditribution. Although no scriptural proof was used, philological studies presented by Comfort were enough evidence.
  • The earliest extant manuscripts received its most unorganized and chaotic transmission during the 1st and 2nd centuries. Helmut Koester in William J. Petersen's edition of "Gospel Traditions in the Second Century: Origins, Recensions, Text, and Transmission" and David C. Parker in "The Living Text of the Gospels" both assert that most substantial alterations of the Gospel texts happened in the first 150 years, leaving no guarantee of identicality between the archetypes of the manuscripts tradition and the original texts. Thus, the originality of the 3rd-century copies can be put into doubt as the 'enlightened zone' emerged from the 'obscure zone'.
  • Complementary to the issue of early transmission during the 'obscure zone' is the tendency of later Gospel scribes to harmonize the Gospels by removing discrepancies that make accounts conflicting. D. C. Parker's "The Living Text of the Gospels" was primarily cited as it said that the text and its traditions remained fluid even after the evangelists which was demonstrated by the harmonization phenomenon. Ameri hypothesized that this phase of New Testament transmission shows signs of being pruned to fit the orthodox creed of inerrancy; therefore, allowing for the possibility that scribes did more than just accidently change the Scriptures.
  • The location of the earliest manuscripts give evidence on the unreliability of the earliest manuscripts themselves as something close to the autographs. Egyptian manuscripts, instead of considering them as transferred manuscripts from somewhere else, must be considered as Egyptian versions because of a lack of evidence on the part of critics that hold the former opinion. Timothy J. Finney in his dissertation "The Ancient Witnesses of the Epistle to the Hebrews: A Computer-Assisted Analysis of the Papyrus and Uncial Manuscripts of PROS EBRAIOUS" demonstrated that they had similar orthography. Based on the hypothesis that shared orthography meant shared provenance, the scribes who distributed the copies were possibly from the same region, namely Egypt. The fact that these Egyptian manuscripts differ from patristic citations as they used the Western text-type instead of the Alexadrian one adds doubt towards the earliest extant manuscripts.
  • 2nd-century citations by the Church Fathers provide evidence of alterations in New Testament manuscripts. William P. Petersen's essay, "The Genesis of the Gospels", presented 6 observations among the use of New Testament texts by early witnesses: 1) Gospel quotations tend to be prominently harmonized, 2) extra-canonical material is prominent and mixed with canonical content, 3) passages with parallel to the canonical Gospels have variants, 4) the sequence of recognizable material between parallel passages are altered, 5) the earlier the citations are, the vaguer and less parallel the citations become compared to the canonical texts, and 6) the earlier the citations, the less emphasis on Jesus' life and teachings.
  • Following on Church Fathers, the Western text-type used by the majority of patristic texts are not a homogeneous group. Bruce Metzger and Bart Ehrman in "The Text of the New Testament, Its Transmission, Corruption and Restoration" said that von Soden had to organize 7 sub-groups of witnesses which were more or less related to the Western texts. Michael W. Holmes in David E. Aume's edition of "The Blackwell Companion to the New Testament" also noted that the Western text-type exhibited harmonistic, paraphrasing, substitutive, and additive tendencies of scribes, which strengthens the claim that the 'obscure zone' was a period of uncontrolled transmission and alteration.
  • The Synoptic Gospels, specifically Matthew and Luke, showed signs of using a common Markan source. However, despite using a common text, authors of Matthew and Luke exhibited minor disagreements against Mark. Helmut Koester in "The Text of the Synoptic Gospels in the Second Century" posited that Matthew and Luke did use Mark, but a copy that was different from later texts, earning the designation Proto-Mark that had no disagreements with Matthew and Luke during the early few centuries. Daniel B. Wallace in "Revisiting the Corruption of the New Testament: Manuscript, Patristic, and Apocryphal Evidence" affirmed that the Mark that Matthew and Luke used was different, but suggested an opposite hypothesis that the copy was different from Proto-Mark and that the two Synoptic Gospels paralleled later versions.
  • The heretics who were accused of tampering with Scriptures are as, if not more, reliable than the orthodox tradition. Bart Ehrman in "Misquoting Jesus" flipped the claim towards the orthodox scribes as they frequently changed texts to eliminate "misuse" by heretics. Gilles Quispel in "Marcion and the Text of the New Testament" would even say that Marcion preserved the readings of his time rather than alter them. This claim was not unheard of among pre-Nicene Fathers, as Origen quoted Celsus, an opponent of Christianity during the centuries of the 'obscure zone', who accused some Christian believers to alter the original texts three or four or several times over to deny criticism in "Contra Celsum".
  • Lastly, the non-canonical gospels raise questions towards the relationship between the canonical and non-canonical traditions during the early distribution of the original Gospel autographs. Tatian and Clement of Alexandria are examples of Fathers who held non-canonical verses as no less authoritative than other canonical texts. William L. Petersen in "The Genesis of the Gospels" finds extra-canonical clauses in the Diatessaron as proof that there was no established text of the Gospels and that the parts of the current canon were subject to the whims of any writer, editor, or harmonist.
  • Overall, considering the issues found during the 'obscure zone', the critical editions of current scholarship are not found in any extant manuscript, version, or Father citation.
• Given the diversity of the extant manuscripts, many textual methodologies emerged, more often than not conflicting and demonstrating a non-linear pathway towards the restoration of the original texts. The main methods are listed: 1) Textus Receptus compiled by Erasmus in the 16th century based from the Byzantine type-text manuscripts which became used during the 16th and 17th centuries but abandoned in the 1900s, 2) Majority Text method which emphasizes the presence of the original text through repeating patterns and readings found in manuscripts, forming a statistical construct of the text, 3) Traditional Critical Method used mostly by 19th-century scholars by basing a new constructed text from an extant manuscripts and assessing its readings by comparison with other texts, and 4) Eclectic Method where a scholar has free choice to establish pre-adopted rules to determine the best variant reading. Ameri concluded that the certainty of the Church in the unsullied transmission of Biblical texts is deceptive and reasoned eclecticism cannot be used to fulfill the traditional goal of textual criticism.
• All in all, textual criticism fails to cater to the Christian need of an original and reliable Bible. The United Bible Societies Greek New Testament is an example of changing preferences within the discipline. Despite reclassifying the readings throughout its editions with considerable differences, the authority was uncertain with the use of 59% of its variants. Bart Ehrman in Barbara Aland and Joel Delobel's edition of "New Testament Textual Criticism, Exegesis and Early Church History: A Discussion of Methods" shoots the mercy bullet that virtually no one has read the New Testament in their original form.

TL;DR: Christian textual criticism is stoopid af that's why the Bible is not reliable

So to make a long story short I’ve been a unbaptized publisher for probably about 15 years or so just doing Bible readings and nothing more (they’ve tried to get me to go under the water but each time I say I’m not ready)
Anyways I started this job and me and this girl have been talking for a while but she has a one year old and a boyfriend (He treats her like shit) and we’ve been flirting and basically telling each other the things we’d do if we got the chance.
So my question is should I just act on my feelings or wait it out for her to breakup and also how do I get my conscience to not feel awful for potentially having sex before marriage and hiding it from the family (All are deep in the org)