For 16 years my mil an oldest sil have been awful, after dealing with it for so long I developed ptsd from their treatment. I been NC since April and it is absolutely wonderful, I juss wanna talk about some of the things they've done.
After the birth of my first daughter mil an fil were telling bf to not sign the birth certificate, and the nurses were giving me such a hard time for him to sign the paperwork. So when he came to the hospital after work I told him they wanted him to sign the papers he was refusing to go get them from the desk an I just had a c section, so I got mad and walked down there and got the stuff from them an took it back to him he did sign but mil an fil were not happy... it has always been difficult with husband until recently believing me about how awful his mother is to me he didn't wanna deal with any of it an basically wanted me to take their torture which the end result was my mental health, makes me really upset cuz I could of been smarter and just left an maybe today I would be able to go into a large crowd of people without feeling scared an panicking. I can barely go into stores now. But anyway....
Bf was giving me money to help buy baby stuff it was 100 every week, he was also giving mil 400 a week. Mil an sil cornered me and threw a fit about he was giving me to much money. Which i find funny bc he was literally giving her a lot of money, I was also on government assistance for like 3 months an she said bf was entitled to half of that money.
Mil put her electric in bfs name (he still lived there) she let the bill go up to over 2000 dollars and didn't pay it off till he gave her problems cuz they were sayin his wages were gonna be attached, we had juss gotten our first apartment when they threatened to attach his wages. She lied to him about paying it she did some but not all and he still gets letters about that bill.
During the first couple weeks at our new apartment mil would bring a plate of food for just bf an would give me dirty looks while he was eating it 🤣
Now it gets interesting...
Fast forward to our second child mil stated to both of us the baby wasn't his but was my brother's 🙄 that was the first time she did anything Infront of him an he threw a fit after that its all been backhanded she'd do shit when he wasn't in the room.
I had gotten a tattoo on the side of my neck just a lil star and she said only trashy people do that, but it was ok sil got 2 on both sides of her neck.
Mil sil and sils friend came to our wedding in pajamas it was at the courthouse but everyone was dressed up
Mil took both bottom tiers of my wedding cake my friend made for me and my mom had to fight her for the top of it. She had also stole my first babyshower cake I didn't even get a piece
Sometimes on the weekends we would drink beers an have people over, sometimes sil would come over and few times she'd bring her friend and their mutual friend would come now I knew right away they did this on purpose and it was absolutely intentional they had this girl flirt with husband I over heard this girl say something about how her crotch would get so wet and I went off it caused a big fight and when I told that girl we were married she acted shocked an left immediately never saw her again.
Mil brought me pants of this really really big lady we all knew and said these should fit u
This one is the beginning of the end my father passed away and a month after was my youngest bday husband was outside cookin on the grill and mil and fil came in an mil starting making jokes about funerals even fil told her thats fked up. My mom went home later in tears. A few months later after that we learned fil had the same cancer my dad passed of.
Youngest sil overdosed 2 years ago and is bedridden now and mil takes care of her and her 3 kids 2 months before that happened we were all sitting at my kitchen table and mil told everyone idc what kind of drugs you do just don't get caught with them... I thought wow this is insane shit.
In February of this year I had gotten a fb message from someone idk and they were sayin all these things that would definitely make me break up with husband, in the messages they had given their self away sayin only things mil would of known. There was a huge argument and mil ended up writing husband f you and your family. Then all of a sudden sils friend gets a job at husband's shop an works with him... husband an I sat down and were talkin about how that whole thing was a big plan to get us to break up and sils friend to weasel her way into husband's life.
There has been so much more but those r the things that stay vividly in my mind. After the whole fb thing I was done an the last time mil popped up at our home an i had a panic attack she was told to not come here anymore of course she knows nothing and has done nothing wrong 🙄 an is currently telling people she doesn't know what's going on... she has to tell people that so she doesn't look like the bad guy cuz she has talked so much trash about me to everyone that they would know. She even sent her nephew to tell husband to call his mom 🙄 he never did... he texted her happy mother's day and she said to tell me the same from her I'm at the point I don't want to hear from her, don't wanna hear her name, I wanna forget what she looks like.
I forgot to mention they were all on m3th an that just amplified their stupidness which is probably why they thought that fb idea was the plan to finally get husband an I apart 😆 oldest sil is really bad on that stuff now an her life is Fallin apart everyone says she is goin down the same path as youngest sil but all they do is watch and talk about it.
If you made it thus far thanks for reading ❤️

Apologies for this one being so late; Been sick for the last week or so, and the friday i was meant to post this, I think from memory I was busy :/ But I'm starting to get back into the swing of things, and the Glossary Addendum has also had a bit of an overhaul :D I'll be applying that tonight as well, to each of the currently released chapters.
[First] [Glossary Addendum] [Previous]
[From the Abyss Artisanry, Wolfreach Commercial District, Halsion Reach Region, Haldios IV, 12th of Emheraldis, 5011 TE]
[Boltz] The door chimed, though it sounded... Off today, and I sighed. I'd have to replace the old beeper with something else now that it had broken. As I walked towards the counter, I heard Chit's voice from around the corner as she said,
"I'll be right with you!" I frowned, noticing the strain in her voice. I stepped around the counter and poked my head around the corner, and then immediately rushed to help. She was trying to move a Draekkan mace, and causing gouges in the floor as she dragged the heavy weapon.
"Seriously? Leave Draekkan weapons to me, beloved." I said, and Chit nodded as I lifted the massive, spiked club-like weapon. Made of Luunic steel, the metal was cool against my hand as I cautiously hefted it, a dark blue color akin to the Lunwatch sky on a clear night with few stars. I slowly walked over to the storage racks, and hung the mace on a pair of large hooks. Then I turned back to my lover, and looked her up and down for injuries.
Finding none, I shook my head with another sigh. "Well at least you didn't hurt yourself on it." I said, stepping up to her and wrapping my arms around her lower back. I pulled her cool body towards mine, and she happily melted into my embrace. Chuckling, I planted a kiss on her hair, and gently ran a finger down one of her drit'onthke. Her entire body shivered and she giggled, before wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tight hug.
"So what's on the list for today?" I asked, resting my cheek on her head.
"Just a few armour sets which need some minor repairs, thankfully." Chit replied. I nodded, and then the beeper went off, indicating a customer.
"Solahra's Light, what an awful noise to greet a customer with!" A deep, male-sounding canine voice rumbled from out in the customer area. We reluctantly pulled apart and both went out to see what he needed.

As Chit rounded the corner, she automatically greeted the customer by saying,
"Welcome to From the Abyss Artisanry, how can we help today?" But as I stepped around after her, I froze. The canine man was holding a box filled with shattered pieces of art, it looked like. I stepped closer and realised that they weren't shattered pieces of art, at least not in the traditional sense. Rather, they were the parts of what was formerly a weapon. I felt my eyes widen as I realised what it was. I looked at the canine man, and realised he was a Labardon. I looked back at the pieces of plasma caster, which appeared to, on closer inspection, actually have catastrophically failed at a structural level upon attempting to fire a shot.
"I went to the Lunhaekin blacksmith over in Aellandendil, cos they said that fishing my ancestral plasma caster would be an exceedingly simple affair. Instead, the next time I went to fire it, the blasted thing fell apart in my hands!" The man growled, and then asked,
"How bad is it... Is... Is there any way to restore it?" His eyes went wide as if to wordlessly plead with me, and I gestured for him to give me the box of parts. He hesitantly handed the box over and I gently placed it on the counter before pulling out one of the furcloth rolls underneath and unravelling it. Then, one by one, I pulled out each of the pieces, and with each new item, my heart sank.

This would not be a simple fix of just re-assembling the pieces. I let out a heavy sigh, and, leaning on the counter, covered my mouth with the side of my hand while looking at the arrayed parts.
"This is... At this point you might as well just buy a new plasma caster." I said finally, still looking at the parts. I looked up at the man and said,
"If I reconstruct this, because that's what it will take, a full reconstruction, it WILL cost more than buying a new caster." I looked down at the parts again, and swore under my breath.
"The focusing plate has been shattered, and those things are near indestructible when carved right, the prism chamber is cracked, so that's no good any more, and the magnetic acceleration rings..." I trailed off, and swallowed before looking up at the man.
"They're not rings any more..." I whispered, and the man's face seemed to break.
"Is there anything we can salvage of the original parts?" He asked, his voice shaky. I looked down at the parts, and realised that there was just one piece that was fully intact. With a mirthless chuckle, I picked it up.
"The plasma compression chamber. That's it." I laid the small metallic chamber down again, and sighed.
"The rest is just... Junk. Scrap even." I shook my head, running the numbers in my head. When I finished, I swore again, and dropped the bombshell.
"You're looking at around fifty thousand in parts alone." I said, and the canine's shoulders slumped.
"If that's the price it takes..." He said.
"I will try and recover as much material as I can though; I might be able to melt down the mag rings for example and re-energise them."

[A Cycle Later...]
[Chit'eiwu]
The Labardon stepped into the store, a simple digital bell sounding, and he sighed, his tail wagging a little as he did so.
"Much better than last time!" He joked, and Jakob walked around the corner holding a box, grinning from ear to ear.
"Just in time, good sir!" He exclaimed. He set down the box, and the Labardon's gaze instantly honed in on it. Jakob laid a hand on the lid, and said,
"Behold, your restored heritage!" And with that, he lifted the lid like he was proposing to the customer, and the canine's eyes lit up, his tail suddenly zipping back and forth as though it were some kind of demented metronome. As he lifted the ancient weapon, my own eyes widened; It was truly a thing of beauty.

[Boltz]
I smiled as the Labardon man admired my handiwork, and in a voice that sounded like it was half pure air, he whispered,
"It's as beautiful as the day my sire first showed it to me..." My smile widened, and I said,
"I was able to salvage more than I thought, in the end. I managed to keep the primary focus cone; I simply had to melt and recast it due to a crack in it, the laser projector's crystal matrix casing also was salvageable, though I did have to replace the crystal matrix. So it now has a Kaurine crystal for providing the first round of focusing." The man froze, and his gaze flicked to me. His hands still raise, he asked,
"A Kaurine crystal? Genuine?" I nodded.
"Cut the crystal free from the rock myself." I replied. The man laid the plasma caster on the counter gently, though it rattled slightly from his shaking paws as he ceased to support it.
"My sire said that it originally had a Shell crystal as its matrix..." He said, voice trembling as much as his paws.
"They are great crystals for energy conduction as well as for energy focusing. It took a bit to set the frequency for the right channels though." He nodded, and shakily handed over his Orionpay card. I handed it to Chit'eiwu, right as he asked,
"So how much was it all up?" I grinned and replied,
"An even fifty five thousand." He blinked, and asked,
"But... the crystal... Surely that alone would be a few hundred thousand!" I shook my head, and replied,
"It's not a Blade. And it doesn't need to be anywhere near as big. Only came to around three thousand." He nodded, and Chit'eiwu input the numbers and scanned the card. The system registered a successful transaction, and she handed the man back his card.
"Thank you for choosing From the Abyss Artisanry!" I said, and he nodded, his eyes turning shiny with unshed tears.
"No, thank you. All of my friends will be hearing about this, and you will be my first stop for anything artisanal." I nodded to him, and he left, carefully cradling the restored plasma caster in its box. Looking over to the clock, I noticed that it was indicating less than an hour before Lunrise. I jerked my head towards Chit'eiwu and asked,
"Think we should close up the shop early, or wait until Soldown before we stop operating?" She looked up at the clock as well, then back to me, and shook her head.
"No, I think we can afford to close early this evening." I nodded, and pressed the button to activate the end of Watch sign system, and a moment later, a holosign in the window came to life and began a 10 minute countdown.

We always did the countdown so that prospective customers knew how long they had to enter to the store before we stopped taking new customers prior to closing down for the Lunwatch. As usually happened however, the sign completed its countdown and flicked to the "Closed" display, and I pressed a second button to lock the door remotely, and arm the security system. As I did so, Chit'eiwu walked into the apartment, and soon after, I heard the sound of her cooking. I smiled, knowing that she was bound to make an incredible dinner as per usual, and let out a contented sigh as the system went through the arming process. Life with her was... Good. Not necessarily great by any stretch of the imagination; Most of our days were spent working after all. But it was at least a good life. A life I was more than happy to lead.

When the system indicated full armed status some minutes later, I followed my aquatic lover into our home behind and above the shop, and arrived just in time for her to serve up dinner. As I sat down, a stupid grin spread across my face as I beheld what she had cooked up. On the plate was a kind of "nest" made of purple coloured strands of pasta, and topped off with a green-sauced mince of some kind. I looked up at my lover, who was watching me expectantly. My grin refusing to go away, I obliged her apparent intent, and used a fork to collect some mince with sauce, and some of the pasta.

As the food reached my mouth, it was like an explosion of flavours; An earthy, slightly spicy flavour issued forth from the sauce, and the mince tasted somewhat like yuron, a kind of cattle animal from Zehllukarn Prime, and it was followed up by a surprisingly sweet flavour from the pasta as it rotated around in my mouth as I chewed. Swallowing, I said,
"This is incredible! I can't even properly describe it; it's... It's like an explosion of all different flavours coming together in my mouth!" Chit's face turned a fierce azure, and my grin widened. The grin morphing into a smirk, I added,
"You're definitely getting rewarded this Lunwatch, beloved."

[A Few Hours Later...]

[Boltz]

As Chit'eiwu walked into the bedroom we shared upstairs, I put the dishes from our dinner into the automatic dishwasher, and followed her up. As I reached the laundry room, I stripped off my clothes from the Solwatch, and tossed them expertly into the laundry, each garment hitting the wall and bouncing off slightly to fall into the clothes basket waiting below, before walking into the bedroom entirely unclad. Chit'eiwu was laying in the bed, the blanket covering her amethyst body from view, and in such a way that I knew that she too had put her clothes in the laundry. I walked around the bed, and pulled down the blanket to get in beside her, and after that, things turn rather hazy for a little while.

[A Week Later...]

[Chit'Eiwu]
Jakob and I stepped off of the transport, hand-in-grasper, him looking absolutely divine in a glacial blue suit with silver trimmings, seeming to be a walking ice sculpture. Complimenting him, I opted for a taste of my birthplace; Trimmed with onyx hems, I was wearing a deep, abyssal purple dress, showing off my relatively lighter purple skin, becoming a shadow of the Abyss to act as the dark counterpart to my Warrior of the Overwaves. I looked towards him as we stepped inside the Fortress of Kaur'Ainda together for the first time since I was Ascended by both him and Cewa together.
He looked back at me, smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly, before saying over our rarely-used connection,
There's no need to be nervous; It's just a Greenmarch Feast, my Siren. As I did every time he called me that, I giggled; At first I had been confused by him calling me an alarm sound, until he showed me one of the few surviving Terran records from... Wherever it was that they came from. Terran, or at the time, Human, women of extraordinary beauty, totally uncovered, and singing some kind of song that lured male sailors to their deaths.
Then he had sent me an image of how he viewed me; My plain purple skin instead appeared almost... Luminous, and my average green eyes were glittering emerald gems. My hair, an equally unremarkable azure, was a brilliant blue that resembled the Azuresheet high above even the Overwaves, and in his mind's eye, my cheeks were flushed slightly blue. I had never considered myself to be attractive by any means; In the Abyss I would have struggled to find a mate...
But here in the Overwaves? I had been chosen by a Terran, that enigmatic, smooth-skinned, near-prey-like biped species who were renowned for absurd feats of strength and endurance. I was not as fragile as I seemed, even before my Ascension...
But Jakob seemed to realise that early on; The first time we lay together, an eye-rolling, mind-erasing experience, he showed such gentleness that it was hard to believe the stories... Until the very next day when I had struggled to move a shipment of materials that had come in, even barely raising it, and he had simply come in and told me to let it go, before seeming to effortlessly pick up the heavy box and carry it into the Forge, before placing it down and rapidly sorting the material inside for me. I had asked him about it, and his response was a mere shrug, and to say, It wasn't that heavy for me; Absolutely awkward, but not anything that will break my back.

In the present, we stepped into the Great Hall, and froze. It had been totally transformed, becoming a verdant green forest canopy under which wooden tables seemingly made from the trunks of trees, with seats formed from sections of log from great tree branches. Seiranha saw us enter, and rushed over to greet us.
"Boltz! Chit!" She exclaimed, and hugged us both in turn. It felt... Odd, to be given a hug by a Vampyris, but this particular one was a friend, and so I happily returned the hug, albeit reluctantly letting go of Jakob's hand to do so. We held the hug for a few eternal moments, before she let go and did the same to Jakob, who greeted her warmly.
"You look great!" Jakob said to the Vampyris warrior, and she blushed a deep golden color on her pale cream skin. It looked almost like golden Skyblaze rays were touching her cheeks as she giggled. But Jakob was right; She was garbed in a flowing set of obviously ceremonial armour which appeared to have been made by first weaving a suit of leaves, and then attaching segments of bark to the resulting garment. And combined with her silver-in-crimson eyes...
"You look sort of like a vengeful forest spirit in this armour, Master Seiranha!" I said, and the woman grinned.
"That's sort of the idea. Not many people remember that the spirits of the forests of all our worlds yet live... And for those who do not respect the forest's inhabitants, only death can be anticipated, or worse."

Over the course of what remained of the Solwatch, we enjoyed the Greenmarch Feast, and soon enough, it was time to scatter to our homes once again, to rest away the overindulgences of the Feast.

[Boltz]
As the transport landed at the Wolfreach starport, Chit and I walked down the ramp, though she was somewhat unsteady on her legs. Chuckling, I asked her,
"Would you like me to carry you home?" She looked at me, her face blazing sapphire, but through our connection, she, apparently not realising she was 'speaking', replied, I thought you'd never ask... My mighty Skybright, carrying me like an Inkle in his powerful arms... As the thought travelled over our connection the azure spread, and I shook my head with a grin. I really was the luckiest guy in the Reach to have landed such an exotic life partner. She happily stepped in closer to me, and I swept her off her feet, much to her almost drunken delight, and she let out a whoop of surprise.
However, as her intoxicated brain realised what had happened, she melted into my embrace, burbling away in my ear as though she had been returned to her youngest of Watches. I was all too happy to carry my lover home of course; The sound of her tripled heartbeat like a three-beat rhythm pulsed against my own heart, and her emerald gaze was transfixed on my face, the look in those beautiful green orbs one of utter and complete adoration.

After around 10 minutes, we reached the shop, and I swiped my wristcomm over the new sensor, first up-down, then right-left. The two-part verification proved my identity, and the door swung open automatically, a recent addition I had also made. As we cleared the door, I swept my foot around and behind me to close the door again, and carried Chit to the bedroom in our apartment, before laying her gently down on the bed, and saying,
"Unfortunately, I've gotta take that incredible dress off you or it will be ruined in your sleep." Chit vaguely nodded, and I helped her stand back up. Having done this routine together before, she laid her arms on my shoulders for added balancing support, and I bent down to grab the bottom of the dress, before slowly pulling it up to her chest. Feeling the garment fully above her hips, Chit carefully sat down on the bed, and I carefully pulled the dress up and over her head, then down her arms.

Turning around, I draped the dress across a nearby dresser, smoothing out any wrinkles in it, and then returned my attention to my lover, who was now completely undressed. Once again taking up the role of caregiver, I wrapped an arm around her and scooped her up once more before laying her on the bed sideways, where she let out a small gasp as the cold fabric touched her bare skin. I gave her a reassuring smile and said,
"I'll have you nice and warm soon enough, Heartstreasure." And with that, I stripped off my own suit, carefully draping it over a chair, and then pulled off the underwear I had worn for the Feast, and climbed under the covers beside Chit. Upon feeling me enter the bed, she shifted over, hissing a bit as she moved off the warmed area, and melted her body against my own. As she settled into a comfortable position, one of her legs across mine, she said through repeated yawns,
"May... May you swim... With the... Blessing of... Of Drynedaea... My.... Sky-Warrior..." Chuckling as I wrapped an arm around her back, I kissed her gently on the forehead and over our connection, replied,
"May Luunah Guard your Dreams, Heartstreasure of the Depths." And with that, as if it were a cue, Chit's breathing shifted to become deep and regular, and the sound along with the rising and falling of her amethyst chest against my skin sung its own siren song, dragging me down into...
[Next: To Tread the Shaded Path]

We had a trip between 26th May 2024 to 30th May 2024 to a few temples around Mangaluru organised by a pilgrimage cum religious group called Nellai Sahasranama Mandali. The trip had two night halts one at Hariharapura and next at Dharmasthala. However later both the halts were clubbed to Hariharapura due to heavy crowd and accommodation crunch at Dharmasthala. We had got clubbed with a person called Thenmozhi (+91 98xxx xxxx). The identity of the person as per Truecaller shows up as (Thenmozhi SBI). However despite being from an iconic global brand of India, the person's outlook and concern in the community is absolutely disgusting besides creating a lot of heartburns and this intensifies particularly when the community is on a good spirited like a pilgrimage. I would like to share a set of four incidents (in chronological order) here so that these could be taken as a lesson to counsel the workforce as we are from service industry and our outlook towards others when in duty and/or otherwise does impact the brand identity of the business. Incident 1: I got the key from reception and moved towards escalator towing my baggages. Since the escalator had a huge serpentine line piled up, this person went to harass my Senior Citizen mother and told her with arrogance "Your husband already got the keys. Please give the key so that we can move to the room". A bank employee can discriminate between son and husband by look and age. How are they expected to apply due diligence and fraud detection at work? When my mom calmly replied he is my son the response from her with audacity and temerity is 'Ok. So what?'. No apologetic or remorseful gesture found whatsoever. Incident 2: At room when we were trying to keep the things ready for next day temple rituals, she was talking a lot of Gyan about room mates and room sharing. However next day morning walked out to Tunga river without even telling us. We were waiting for a long time because we had to lock the room before going to river. Then she is calling that she is returning from river and would collect the key. Incident 3: Towards afternoon when we were having the lunch at Mutt, she hastily approached me asking for the keys. I was almost finishing the food and instead of waiting a minute or two she was hurling abuses like crazy. How many times customers are being made to wait at the branches due to staff busy even in other schedules? Incident 4: Towards evening we had a trip to Sringeri and came back. We developed a severe headache. So took a few pills and started to take rest and next day we were asked to start early to move towards Dharmasthala. This persona again came and roughed me up to move out of the room for half an hour as she wanted to change her dress (silk saree). I was even not able to open the eyes and the bathroom was dry and clean which she could have used. Additionally the organisers have clearly mentioned multiple times that any room can be used by anyone because the stay is just for sleeping and for other purposes please knock and use whichever room is applicable, available and useable. And for this she again used a few slurs and expletives. It was a total irritant and we did not want to spoil the sanctity and sacredness of the pilgrimage. Hence chose to stay muted and avoid her mudslings that potentially got seeded out of ignorance and/or arrogance.
On a goodwill gesture I have reported the below-said incident to SBI and here so that people can be wary of such speciments around them.

Im a 15 year old girl who's been wearing a hijab since i was 7. I actually voluntarily wore it since my sister, friends,mom and basically every female I knew and looked up to wore it. I didn't even know WHY I wore it. Now that im 15 I want to take it off but im scared my mom won't let me. I haven said anything to her yet but she's all like: "you're 15 now, you have to start dressing more modestly and stop wearing pants" the clothes I wear are hoodies and big large "poofy" pants which don't even show off my body. I don't wear tight clothes since they make me uncomfortable.
Recently we moved to a new place in a new country which means all my old muslim friends wouldn't be able to know that I took it off and I don't need to fear losing any friends. But now my mom Is pushing me to meet all these other Somali girls and I'd trying to persuade me into wearing long boring black dresses under the guise of that "they're more modest then your regular clothes" and "all the other Somali girls will also be wearing these!"
I dont wanna make new hijabi friends since im scared they'll talk about me behind my back since that's what happened at my old school when someone took it off. I used to know a Pakistani girl who took hers off and whenever I saw her i admired her for being more brave then me. If she's not ok with me wearing pants I can't imagine how she'll act when I try to take it off.
I hate this dumb double standard where if you're a convert who's not ready for a hijab yet or a girl who just never wore one then everyone's okay with that. But god forbid You've been wearing one since you were 8 like me and decide you don't wanna wear one now??? Like maybe I'll be more okay with it when im 20 something but now I don't want to and have been feeling like this for 3 years.
My mom is the kindest person I know but my god she's do strict when it comes to religion it's like she becomes possessed. Ive overhead my older sister tell her she didn't wanna wear one a few years back and my mom Being the smooth talker she is managed to persuade her to keep Wearing it.
Whenever I think of myself in my future im not wearing a hijab, and all of this makes me resent it and back away from it.
Why can't my mom be like my friends mom? I have a friend or HAD a friend who was from the same country as Me and she told me that her mom tolf her "if you don't wanna wear your hijab tell me then, I'll love you no matter what" and the girl choose to wear hijab and was happy wearing it. I wish my mom gave me that option too.
Thanks for listening, I didn't proofread so there are probably alot of spelling errors.

So... I need opinions on how to deal with this in a non confrontational way...
Our familis are quite... Old school in parenting. My husband and I are trying to do better. The other day we were on the phone with my husbands auntie and my daughter (2yo) tripped and hurt herself (not a lot, but enough for her to stop and start crying). Over the phone I hear his auntie say "don't cry. Don't be an ugly child for crying". That took me by surprise and I didn't reply, I was more worried about cuddling my daughter and making sure she was okay.
That said, if those sort of comments happen again, what's the best non confrontational way to deal with them and coach our families that that's quite a cruel thing to say to a baby.
(I have examples on my side as well, with my mom saying "you're a mean baby" because my daughter didn't do something she was asking)
Thank you all!

Honor Violence: And why nobody should demand respect

Honor violence is a sort of violence committed where the perpetrator's goal is to regain his tribe's honor, his family's honor, and his own honor. In most cases it’s planned by a family, and committed by one or more men of that family, to a woman of the family who has done or suspected to have done something against cultural or religious norms like rejecting an arranged marriage, or adopting a Western lifestyle. What's worse is that the family helps the perpetrators avoid justice by helping them flee the country. It’s a huge problem in Islamic communities[1], among others, and it’s something that doesn’t exist at all in so many other communities.
Now before I talk about the kind of thinking that is causing these behaviors, I want to clarify some things. First of all, Islam, at least according to the Quran, does not advocate honor violence. Second, honor violence is a tradition that existed in the deserts of today's Saudi Arabia long before Islam. Third, Arab Muslims spread Islam along with their traditions (including honor violence) to a huge proportion of the world (although, I don't doubt that other cultures already had the tradition of honor violence).
What kind of thinking causes a person to commit honor violence?
There are three flaws to discuss here. The main flaw is violent intolerance of dissenters -- the idea that it's best for a person to initiate violence on another person because he has dissenting ideas or actions. A second flaw is the idea that a person's social status is important and should be sought after and preserved. And a third flaw is that a person's social status should be, in any way, linked with his family's, and tribe's social status. An important thing to note here is that these flaws are connected. To clarify, I'm not talking about which flaw is more or less to blame for a person committing honor violence. What I'm talking about is that all of these flaws must be there, in order for a person to think it's best for him to commit honor violence (i.e. for him to want to commit honor violence).
The least bad of these flaws can be explained by answering the question, why do some people care about having respect from their peers? What's the point of it? What problem is it intended to solve? One way to approach this problem is to think about why some people get offended. Consider that when somebody perceives that he has been disrespected, he gets offended, and he may respond in a way to regain respect.
Fallibility and first impressions
One problem with thinking in terms of being respected, is that people are often wrong in their interpretations of other people’s actions and intentions. Often people perceive that they’ve been disrespected, when the person had no intention of disrespecting anybody. Most of the time it’s a case of jumping to conclusions. In other words, the person is not thinking terms of innocent until proven guilty. The thing is that we’re all fallible, meaning that it’s possible, and very common, that we are wrong about our ideas. But a lot of people are not familiar with the idea of checking for other possible interpretations and critically questioning them as a means of avoiding jumping to conclusions, as a means of finding the correct interpretation.
One common first interpretation that people make is that someone wants to hurt them, or to make them lose in some way. But this is a bad way to think about people’s actions because some people don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone lose anything. So assuming that there is always malicious intent is a mistake because it ignores all the cases where there isn’t malicious intent. So it's not giving the person the benefit of the doubt.
This way of thinking, of always assuming that there is malicious intent, sees human interactions as win/lose. But this is a mistake. It’s entirely possible, and desirable, for human interactions to be win/win, for everybody to get what they want and nobody loses anything they want -- there is no law of nature preventing it from happening.[2] This is a special case of the idea that 'all problems are soluble'.[3]
So the better way to think about human interactions is that win/win situations are possible, where the people involved share the same primary goal of everybody winning, of everybody getting what they want. Now it is true that sometimes a person is trying to make you lose something, or otherwise hurt you, so it’s important to try to look out for this as a means of protecting yourself from harm.
One common misinterpretation people make is to treat a criticism of an idea or an action as a personal attack. But this is a mistake because a criticism is an explanation of a flaw in an idea, so criticizing the idea does not make the holder of the idea lose anything. In fact, criticism helps a person go from wrong to right. It helps him change his mind. It helps him find the truth, which is a great thing! So why perceive it as an attack? The person loses nothing. He only stands to gain (the truth!).
So consider a situation where you're presented with a criticism of your idea. If you agree with it, you stand to gain the truth, and if you disagree with it, you stand to lose nothing. So with criticism you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. So giving and receiving criticism is win/win.
Some common responses people make to criticism is to say "that hurts my feelings," "I'm offended by that," and "that's insulting!" These people respond in this way to communicate that the other person is wrong in some way. But that's not a valid argument -- it's not objective. A person's feelings can't be used as a standard for judging the truth. What's needed is an explanation, one that doesn't depend on a person's feelings. And on a related note, if your feelings are hurt by the truth, then what you can do is ignore the truth (not something I advise), or you can change your feelings about the truth. But what you shouldn't be doing is pressuring people to hide the truth.
Now some people mistake personal attacks for criticism. But calling somebody stupid because he believes an idea does not constitute a criticism. It’s not an explanation of a flaw in an idea. Instead it's an attack on the holder of the idea. And it’s designed for only one purpose, to hurt. People who make personal attacks instead of arguments see human interactions as win/lose. And this is where the idea of respect comes in. The personal attacks are about disrespecting the person. But why would anybody want to do that? What’s the point? What problem does it solve?
Truth-seeking vs Status-seeking
Something closely connected to the win/lose attitude is the status-seeking attitude. People with this attitude think in terms of people having social status, and getting more of it, or keeping the amount they currently have, is something they want. So if a person with the status-seeking attitude tries to disrespect another person, they perceive it as raising their own status while necessarily lowering the other person’s status, hence win/lose. The rest of us, who see human interaction as win/win, see the world in terms of truth. We are truth-seekers instead of status-seekers. We seek cooperative interactions instead of adversarial ones.
To get a better understanding of the difference between truth-seeking and status-seeking, let's consider how they differ in the way they work. Status-based thinking means judging ideas by figuring out how much status the ideas have. In contrast, truth-based thinking means judging ideas by their merit. As I explained in _Atheism: The faith of intellectuals?_, judging ideas by status means believing ideas by looking for confirmation, while judging by merit means believing ideas only after they have survived all known criticism.
As an example, imagine a guy hearing that somebody said something that he perceived as an insult to his parent, and he felt hurt by it. This means he's thinking with the status-seeking attitude instead of the truth-seeking attitude. So he is caring about having social status, and one extra flaw is that he thinks his social status is connected to the status of his parents. And so if he perceives that somebody has insulted his parent, he perceives this as a lowering of his parent’s status, which he also perceives as his own status being lowered. So he is hurt (feels disrespected) by this. He thinks that the "insulter" intentionally did it to try to hurt him, or otherwise make him lose something. But it's a mistake to make such an assumption because the "insulter" may have had no such intention -- maybe he was a truth-seeker not a status-seeker. The truth-seeking attitude does not cause this problem. A truth-seeker thinks like this: "Hmm. Somebody has said something bad about my mom. I wonder if the thing he said is truthful, or not. If it’s truthful, then my mom is bad, and I should talk to her about fixing her error so that she can improve, so I'm glad that he said it because it revealed an opportunity to improve, YAY!! And if it’s not truthful, then maybe this guy is a fool and I don't care what fools think, or maybe he's just mistaken so there's no reason to mind it because mistakes are common." So the truth-seeking attitude doesn’t produce the feeling of being insulted/disrespected. Only the status-seeking attitude does that.
The status-based attitude is one that is shared by many cultures. In gang culture, individuals each have an amount of status that they intend to keep. For this reason, if a gang member perceives that somebody has disrespected him, he sees this as his status being lowered while the other guy’s status being raised. And in an effort to regain his status, he may retaliate with physical violence. So here the gang member is committing two flaws -- demanding respect, and violent intolerance of dissenters.
There are lots of other examples of this. In tribal cultures, an individual’s status is partly determined by how much status his tribe has. For this reason, if a tribesman perceives that somebody has disrespected a member of his tribe, he sees this as his own status being lowered because he sees his tribe’s status being lowered. Now imagine a situation where somebody perceives that the king of his tribe (like Prophet Mohamed) has been disrespected. He would be very offended by this. And if he also has the violent-intolerant attitude too, and if the circumstances were opportune, then he would initiate violence in his misguided attempt to regain respect for his family, and by association, for himself.
Another example is honor violence within a family, or community. If a man thinks that his status is lowered if his daughter does something against his community’s religious norms, and if he also has the violent-intolerant attitude, then he may initiate violence if she commits such an act, as a means to preserve his family's status in the community, and by association, his own status. I should clarify that what usually happens is the family plans this together, where one person does the murder, and then the family helps him avoid the police, say by helping him leave the country.
What's interesting about the status-based idea is that it denies that respect should be earned. A person thinking like this may be in the wrong, and know it, and still demand to be treated as though he is in the right. Street thugs do it when they violently demand respect. Authoritative parents do it when they say 'Don't argue with me' to their kids. Some husbands do it when they expect their wives to side with them in social situations even when they are in the wrong. And some Muslim men do it when they commit honor violence.
The status-based attitude rears it’s ugly head in people’s politics too. These people align themselves politically by their tribal origin (status), rather than by their ideas (merit). It’s ugly because it’s not based on the truth, and because it means the person is unwilling to consider changing his mind about his politics -- because you can’t change your tribal origin. Judging ideas by status means that if you find out that you’re wrong, you’re going to deny it and claim that you’re right, and demand respect too. This way of thinking means no possibility of changing your political affiliation even if you were given devastating criticism of your political ideas. In contrast, judging ideas by merit means that you're willing to change your mind if you find out that you’re wrong. And this way of thinking means the possibility of changing your political affiliation.
Another way to describe the truth-seeking and status-seeking attitudes is like this. Truth-seeking means approaching problems as though the person does not yet have the truth, which is why he is seeking the truth. Status-seeking means approaching problems as though the person already has the truth, which is why he isn't seeking the truth, and instead he is seeking confirmation of what he already believes to be true. Note how the truth-seeking attitude accounts for the fact that it's possible one's ideas are in error, while the status-seeking attitude does not account for that fact. So somebody who is applying the status-seeking attitude is acting like he is infallible/omniscient. He's acting like he thinks he's God.
Rational people vs irrational people
Another way to describe the truth-seeking attitude is to describe the people who have it, rational people. As Elliot Temple explained [4]:

So a rational person sees criticism as win/win because it's part of his truth-seeking attitude. So when he gets criticism of his ideas, actions, or feelings, he doesn't interpret it as a personal attack (win/lose) and instead he tries to judge the criticism in order to try to extract value from it. He sees criticism as a good thing because he knows that criticism leads to further evolution of his knowledge. He sees criticism as necessary to improve himself, so he willingly seeks it out and enjoys thinking about it.
As I mentioned before, a common mistake people make is in how they interpret criticism of ideas. They see it as their person being criticized, rather than the idea alone being criticized. They misinterpret this because they consider some of their ideas to be static -- they are attached to them. They consider these ideas to be part of their identity -- something they refuse to even consider changing. And if you criticize one of these ideas they are attached to, since they consider that idea as part of their identify, they interpret your actions as an attack on their person. And in retaliation, they may call you out to be arrogant and condescending, or cuss you out, or initiate violence, as an attack back at you, in their misguided attempt at self-defense.
So the status-based attitude is what causes people to care about honor (i.e. social status). They have an intense desire for status, and it can pervade practically all of their thinking. Now in tribal cultures, another flaw they have aside from this status-seeking attitude, is that a person's social status should be linked to his family and tribe. And in some tribal cultures, especially the ones where Islam is dominant, they have a strong tradition linking their status with the women of their tribe. Now, combine this status-seeking attitude and these other flaws, together with the attitude that it's morally right to initiate violence in response to a dissenter, and what you have is somebody willing to commit honor violence (including honor killings) against his daughters, sisters, and other female members of his community, and on anybody who he perceives to be lowering his status/respect/honor.
On a final note, I should clarify something about the relationship between the individual and the community. It is true that a man who commits honor violence is being pressured by his family to commit the violence as a means of preserving their social status, but whether or not he acts on that pressure, or even feels that pressure, depends on his ideas. Will he care what his family and community thinks? Well, in those communities a lot of the opportunities for a man, like getting married or having a good job, depends on the status of his family and his tribe. So if a woman taints his family's status, and if he doesn't remove that taint by killing her, then he'll lose those opportunities. But so what? He could forego all of those "opportunities" by fleeing the country with his daughter. If he doesn't do that, it's because of his evil ideas. Pressure from society is not a defense! Individuals are responsible for their actions regardless of the "pressures" from their communities.
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[1] _Honor Killings Go Beyond Mere Homocide_, by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Also see The AHA Foundation on Honor Violence.
[2] See _The Beginning of Infinity_, Chapter 9: Optimism, by David Deutsch.
[3] See _All problems are soluble_, by Elliot Temple. Also see [2].
[4] _Rational People_, by Elliot Temple.
^{Originally published in 2014}

“Please, don’t,” she cried out, but it was too late. The knife was perfectly embedded in my hand and my feet were pacing towards her. The look of fear on her face satisfied me, an immense feeling of pleasure tingled throughout my body. The knife penetrated her stomach; the sound was so clear. The squelch echoed in my ears. Her scream shook the broken windows and the tingling sensation rose to my hands but that could be the nails she dug into my skin. I could smell her blood so vividly; I could almost taste it. The knife that I twisted around into her silenced the pain in my hands, the wet blood soaked from her skin-tight shirt wrapped around my fingertips. I could feel the blood consuming me. The drips were loud, echoing against the rusted walls and almost shattering the window with her cries. She looked at me, her eyes glistened with tears. She begged for her life to be spared. I almost laughed, but I remained my composure. Her large brown eyes cleared, and the tears streamed down her cheeks. Her hands now reached up to my face. She attempted to claw my eyes, but I pressed the knife in deep one last time before I threw her to the ground. I stood over, watching as the pool of blood drained from her lifeless body. Her eyes were barely open looking up at me, and her mouth croaked words of silence as she tried to hold her wound. I almost laughed again. But I wondered to myself as I watched, why did she have to be so nosy? She muttered my name, and my skin crawled hearing it coming out of her mouth.
One year ago
As the gun slipped from his fingertips, rattling the ground, he walked on. Ghouls of different kinds trampled behind him, causing havoc and chaos alongside the kids that watched in fear. “Hurry up,” one of them yelled to the boy, who scooped the empty bucket of candy left on the doorstep. “Coming,” he yelled, running back towards them, picking back his gun. This night was special for the neighbours of Grundale, like every other holiday. It was always celebrated and it was celebrated well. The month of Halloween was the month the devil was out, Pranks ending in blood, real or fake, kids screaming in terror, scaring the branches that were wrapped with toilet paper and houses spoiled with eggs, expired candy and dead rats. The décor shined through with cobwebs, ghosts, pumpkins and every imagination of Halloween there is. One particular house shined through the most, gravestones dug in the grass covered in spiders and webs, ghosts hung up from windows, lit pumpkins welcoming the porch and skulls paving the way towards the front door. In that particular house, yells vibrated through the walls and shot through the cracks in the window shaking the ghosts and muffling the screams of the kids. Tom, who dressed as the grim reaper this year, carried his scythe in the kitchen while singing from the top of his lungs every Halloween song he could, until arguments voiced their way, sending him back out. Casey, inches away, trailed behind Meghan, “Come on, Mom,” she pleaded, throwing every whine and excuse she could think of. “I have to go,” she stepped in front of her, crossing her arms, “come on.”

i'm 25 (F) and have two siblings, 23 (M) and 21 (M). my mom is pregnant again after 18 years and i felt like i'm going to raise the child anytime sooner. don't get me wrong, i'm so happy for my parents and my new sibling!
but also have this feeling that i should go child-free instead of building a family of my own. because eldest daughter is always the back up plan. is this normal?

SD has a 3-day marathon of a dance performance. She’s been working towards it all year. 50-50 custody and she’s 12.
I’m going to all 3 dances because she wants me there, still knowing her mother takes issue with it, and because DH wants me to go too. Oh - and I genuinely want to be there. I can handle the 3 minutes after where we all meet, see each other face to face and congratulate her and all of her little dancer friends with flowers and hugs and pictures.
Her mother informed her “Not to expect her after the first two nights with flowers or for photos.” She’s crushed. She’s anxious because she knows it’s because I’m going. But I’m not backing down. Tickets have been paid for and despite this, SD still wants me to go. The kicker is, HCBM will be there on the 3rd night because she will have her boyfriend with her. So I suppose she will have more of a support system and will feel confident enough to be around me for those 3 minutes.
Lady - this is your kid. Put your shit away for - total of 9 minutes and just be there for her.
I think the worst part is that she’s told her “not to expect her.” So now it’s this anxiety producing, dramatic anticipation of if her mom will come out at the end. Way to make sure your kid makes the night ALL about you and your feelings.
She did this shit to DH when they were married. Always these teasers of if she was going to be a good partner. Now that that door is closed she’s moving onto her pre teen daughter for supply.
It’s so disgusting.

I have somewhat a toxic relationship with my mother. I know she loves me and wants the best for me, but there are certain things that have hurt me so much internally that I no longer know how to deal with it and be a good, obedient daughter.
When I was 12 years old, my father was caught cheating and since then my mother has suffered from depression. She became addicted to sleeping pills (ambien) and on so many occasions would abuse them. I am 30 now but I have grown up in a household where I had to constantly tiptoe around my mother and look after a mother who would get high on these pills. She would hallucinate, make a mess of the house, bang into objects around the house because she could not walk straight…pretty much act like a drunk person. There was a time where she drank insect poison….tried cutting her wrist….went into a catetonic state…recently overdosed and had fits for 3 days. She has had counselling, she is getting treatment for her depression but despite everything she refused to give up the pills. Over the years, my grandmother, my moms sister, my dad, her inlaws, her cousins….everyone has complained about her behaviour while is high on these pills because she becomes a zombie. The behaviour would mostly last all day because she purposefully takes the pills during the days. My sibling and I have tried explaining to her so many times in so many ways why this behaviour is so harmful for her, why it hurts us but she has still never tried to stop. I feel as though now I have so much frustration and hatred built inside me because of this, and I don’t know what to do with it. I recently got into an argument because we were meant to go visit a family friend and she decided to take a sleeping pill at 4 pm. I told her nobody likes hanging out with her while she is under the influence of these pills and she shouldn’t have taken them now. Instead she started going off saying you are the rudest daughter ever, a spoilt brat etc. I stopped talking to her. When my brother tried to mediate the situation, I broke down and while crying told her that her bevahiour has affected me so much throughout my whole life. We both tried explaining to her why her getting high and not getting off these pills is affecting everything. she started playing the victim again and said that I am an ungrateful daughter, the brattiest and rudest daughter and I am making a big deal out of nothing etc etc.
Now I just feel guilty like somehow I am in the wrong. I honestly don’t know what to do. We are literally really happy and fine for a while when she runs out of these pills. But everytime she goes and gets a prescription and ends up finishing them all in a few days or week, I feel very triggered. Like during those days I don’t like talking to her at all, and I am angry and cold and very distance. I know I shouldn’t be doing that and be a kind, obedient daughter but to like what extent? I have had 3 dreams recently where I saw myself crying and screaming at my mother over this, so I know there is a lot of anger within me. But I just don’t know how to cope with it anymore because I have had more than a hundred civilised conversations with her. I have tried explaining it everyway but nothing has changed so that recently I lashed out. But she still played the victim and gaslight me into thinking that I was wrong to be angry.

I'm convinced my (33M) SO (28) is using drugs. When we started hanging out she mentioned that her family are tweekers/cokeheads. Two close friend of hers, the only two I've ever really seen come around, are really strung out on meth. One of them is even a dealer, which my SO confided in me while adding that she was only doing so to save up to get away from her extremely abusive meth dealing bf. She's sworn she doesn't use and never has because she's an alcoholic, who doesn't drink anymore, and knows she'd get strung out and ruin her life.
Here's the thing, I've found tinfoil with burnt stuff on it here and there in the trash, she made a comment one an I quote "there's really bad meth around right now.....so I hear", heard what I could swear was tinfoil crinkling while she was in the bathroom for extended periods of time, walked in on her holding a roll of tinfoil in her room, walked into the kitchen and seen her with a piece of tinfoil in her hand, then one night I throw something away in a trash bag in her bedroom and see a bunch of tinfoil with burnt residue on them and an empty baggie with what appeared to be meth residue in it. I resolved to confront her but I wanted to wait until I wasn't so angry, so I just go to bed.
The next morning I wake up after she had gone to work and went to the bathroom. Sure enough, there were two baggies, one with residue and one with a little meth still in it. I could no longer stay silent after that. I confronted her and she denied all of it and blamed it on her friend and said she'd stopped by before she left to work. She then got super defensive about it and we drove to get a UA from Walgreens. She used the bathroom there, so I could not see her pee into it. It looked suspiciously clear, as if it had been watered down. It came back negative on everything. She then called her friend and her friend admitted to the baggies in the bathroom and to throwing tinfoil away in the bathroom. This whole call seemed very suspicious and set up. To top it off, I never mentioned which garbage I found the tinfoils in. I told her I didn't find the tinfoils in the bathroom and she said her friend probably forgot where she threw them out because she's a tweeker. She said she was hurt that I thought she was a tweeker. I told her that I actually thought she was smoking opioids, probably pills, because of her behavior and she had gotten into a serious car accident a couple of years before we met. She said she had tinfoil around because her daughter wanted to do TikTok challenges that involved it. I really care about her, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt in the moment.
Later on I asked her why she's still got these people around if she's not using and she said she was really close to them before they started using and she didn't want to abandon them. She said she'd cut off contact if I wanted her to and that she'd care enough about me to do that. I told her she needed to do it for herself and for her friends because you have to let people hit rock bottom and hope that would help them to get to a point where they'd want to get clean again for themselves. They haven't been around since and I haven't seen or heard her communicate with them since.
For awhile after that everything seemed okay. Yesterday she pulled out folded tinfoil from her small Adidas bag and made a joke about it and showed me that she keeps makeup in it when she doesn't have room to carry all her makeup. I was not amused by this at all. Then later that night I left to take my dog for a walk and she calls me to ask how long until I'd be back. I told her it would be a little while. During this call see seemed different then when I had left. She seemed like she was high on opioids. When I get back she had a black smudge on her face. I pointed it out and wiped her face for her. She said nothing about it and went back to making a milkshake. The smudge is a telltale sign of smoking off of tinfoil. I know this because my mom was a heroin addict for five years and I'd seen it hundreds of times. When we went to bed she was noticeably irritated/pissed off.
My initial inclination is to confront her about it, but I'm unsure if I should do it now or should I wait and build more evidence first. I really, really care about her and want to make it work and help her. Am I just being paranoid? If not, how should I proceed from here?
TLDR: Pretty sure my SO is on drugs because I've found things and noticed certain behaviors that suggest she is. I confronted her and she denied it. For awhile things have been good, but yesterday there were a couple of things that made me suspicious again. How should I proceed?

He would go on and on about a discontinued pen series that apparently made his handwriting stellar. One day his friend managed to get a set on an overseas travel. He put it in a drawer. It was there for a long time. I had started high school. I needed pens for school - and it was just there in the drawer so I took them.
He came home and went ballistic that his pens were missing. He didn't suspect me because I was "the good child". Mom and sibling took the brunt.
Decades later I'm all grown, I have a full time job and I bought boxes of those pens online for his birthday. His smile was worth it. I suppose we both got healed that day.
That was Confession #1. Confession #2:
I've always looked more wealthy that I let om in various social settings: school, workplace, friendships etc. My parents ensured I had enough to dress to the nines and have nice things to present myself nice to the world. Latest fashion clothes, swankiest shoes, the coolest stationaries (I was the kid with 128 crayon box, scented erasers and pencil cases like Smiggle and cartoon backpacks). So people thought I come from money.
The truth is it is all just that - presentation so kids won't make fun of me or isolate me due to poverty. I found out years later Dad ensured I was able to show off in school like this because he would wear his tattered and raggedy uniforms and shoes to school with no books and stationaries and he was treated poorly by teachers and kids alike. He did not want his kids to endure that humiliation. So he would dress nice to work too and dressed us even better. Sometimes when we find out these things about our parents we understand a lot of things.
Confessions #3: I am extremely depressed and think about offing myself all the time. I always get praised for being chill and funny. Nah mate, I literally walk around like an empty shell of a person with nothing in my heart.

Mummum, ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I see no way to escape this exhausting grief. I don’t even know if it’s grief only or a mix emotion of loss, fear, tearless cry, screams, anger, jealousy, hopelessness.. I’ve started wishing for my own death.
I take nerve and slipping pills now regularly, just like you. I’ve lost my ability to sleep normally. I’m always afraid of those traumatic and cruel flashbacks of your death. I don’t want them to strike my mind and head anymore but it’s out of my control. They do strike everyday.
I’ve become now even more reclusive and introvert. If I go out, I see daughters with their mothers, I see women much older than you but still so active and lively with their families. Every time I see any women dressed well, in their 50s, smiling and enjoying time outside, walking and talking with their daughter— I remember us. We were just like this.
You don’t remember anything anymore, right? Do you even remember me? Maybe not…
But I remember you. I remember you too much, so much that I’m getting tired of living life anymore. A part of me died with you. Another part of me is stuck here in this world and it wants to be free. I want to go wherever you are, I want to hug and kiss you once more. I want to go out with you again. I miss our beautiful evening outs so much.
Show me the way to stay alive with a little peace mom, or please let me go. Let me be free from my life too. I’m too scared to harm myself anyhow. So please, just let me go naturally somehow. I’m so alone and tired here.
Your B….

I'm asking here because I'm not a spiritual person, I don't have a religion or a faith of sort. I ask because my Mom is highly spiritual and I find myself angry at her because I can't have casual conversations with her anymore.
She wasn't always spiritual during my childhood and adulthood, but she got into something called Star Seed Child I believe and it spread into more beliefs. Now she's loving and kind, but she tends to push her beliefs as if they are facts and gives off a superiority complex. For an example, everyone else in my family is either not religious or just Christian, they watch TV, social media, junk food etc and my mom looks at them like they are living the wrong path and hers is the truest form. She will make comments about how unhealthy their lifestyle is and will be passive aggressive when trying to convince others to do what she does.
I truly believe she doesn't have ill intentions, I understand she grew up very unheard and abused so I feel like she's constantly pushing for her voice to be heard and to be more confident about her life since she's the only one in my family that does.
I've already set boundaries because I we tend to get into debates a lot and I don't want that kind of relationship. But recently she's been pushing me. My sister, her first daughter passed over a year ago and we of course grieve completely separately and I will never tell her that how she grieves is wrong because I don't believe that, but it upsets me because she will randomly tell me that my sister's "light has arrived and submerged with her last night" (she tagged me in her Facebook post about this) and she will tell me how my sister talks to her, and even occasionally tells me how she sensed ny sister was going to pass days prior. This really upsets me and I really don't want to hear it, but I don't know why it upsets me?
I know it's her way and her belief, but maybe since my sister and I weren't religious I'm feeling angry that she's bringing my sister into it? I really don't get why I get mad or annoyed. I've told her to please not share this with me but she still does. Any insight? Or am I just rambling haha

We’ve been through some seeeeriooous growing pains since she came out. She came out when I was 4 months postpartum in the depths of PPD.
I developed PMDD when my periods returned, life turned demon mode for a while. I’ve found meds and birth control that works for me and things are so much better.
And WOW. WOW wow wow wow wow. We’ve worked so much on us and things are getting so much better. I am so fucking in love with my wife. Seeing her try on her wigs, seeing her dress like herself. I buy her little gifts online and seeing her try on the cute clothes I bought her, or the makeup I picked up…it fills my heart with joy.
I want to propose to her on our anniversary, I want to marry her again as two wives. I want to see her looking so beautiful in a wedding dress (or whatever she chooses to wear).
She starts hormones in a few weeks and I’m so fucking excited to see her as she truly is, and to see her come out of her shell as the person she’s always dreamed of being. I’m so excited for her to experience life with the hormones she’s meant to have. I’m so excited for our daughter to finally have the two Mums she’s supposed to have.
My wife is gonna get so SOFT on estrogen. She’s gonna smell different??? I get to feed her lots of tasty food to grow the squish and the butt???? Oh my god I’m so excited.
Just had to gush somewhere and I knew y’all would understand.
I LOVE MY WIFEEEE 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

I don’t know how much longer I can keep repressing my feelings. I’ve wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember, yet I’ve been shutting it down as “just a phase” for over a decade now. I recently remembered a memory I blocked out of me asking my mom when I’d “get boobs”, and her saying “You won’t. You’re a boy”. I can’t believe I totally forgot about that instance. I must’ve been in elementary school.
I feel like my life has been a lie, not just to others but myself. I even vaguely remember how I got in trouble at my Christian school when I was in K-4 because I would wear the wedding dresses from the “costume chest” in our classroom during playtime.
I’ve started remembering very very clear trans signs in my youth that I completely blocked out for years, and I don’t know what to do. My family is supportive of queer people, but I’m still so scared. I think I’ve seen too many horror stories online. (I guess that’s what happens when you live at home, work a part time job, and are single).
I have a cousin who is a trans man. Do you all think I should talk to him? Maybe he would be a good resource to gauge our family’s perception. Plus, he could probably help me figure out if I’m actually trans or not since he knows who he is. He’s been on T for years, and I’m ngl. I’m jealous he came out when he was like 16, and I’ve not even had the courage to consider my gender until the age of 24.
This all feels terrifying. I live in the South, and my state doesn’t particularly like trans people. I don’t know what to do here. My DMs are open if anyone wants to help me figure things out. I’m also willing to discuss things in the comments so that anyone else questioning their gender can potentially find some guidance in our conversations.

I've decided to tell it. The story of how I wrote a book series that saved my father.
Growing up, I always thought of my dad as a simple man with a simple life. He was a janitor. When I was a kid, I was ashamed of that fact. Now it fills me with pride. There was a moment, when I was very young, a moment and an image that's seared into my memory. I watched my father shuffle off to the school where he worked, lunch box in hand, and it hit me that day: That is a man who is working so hard to provide for his little family.
Eventually, it became clear there was a family secret. One day, my mom said, “there are some secrets I'll be taking to my grave.” Indeed, she took them to the grave, but left us a clue. (More on that later)
My dad was always incredibly afraid of dying. He had a fear of Hell like no one I've ever seen. My sister recently told me a story where he told her about this fear, and she said, “But dad, you're a good man! Why are you so afraid?” His response was, “you just don't know.”
My mom passed away when I was barely 20, which was... let's just say, quite a few years ago. My dad almost died himself. When she was lying in bed, her death imminent, Dad collapsed in the hospital hallway and had to be hospitalized himself. When she died, there was this surreal moment where my two sisters and I were hugging our dad while we all sobbed. This was weird. Dad never hugged us, and he certainly never cried. He said he “lost his angel.”
In the years that followed, my dad relied on my sister and I for everything. I can't speak for my sister, but he almost felt more like a son than a father. I cooked his meals, packed them for work. Every day. Every single day.
Together, the 3 of us were happy(ish) for almost 10 years. My dad worked his janitor job until he retired... then he immediately got dementia after that, which is just tragic. In the beginning, he would think strange things, like my sister and I were selling drugs and getting arrested. (If you knew me and my sister, you would know this was preposterous). Eventually, it got to a point that he didn't remember our names or who we were. I was often not his daughter, but his sister, Helen.
My sister and I went from being our dad's helpers to his literal dementia caregivers. That was a period of about 2 years. Those 2 years were among some of the most hellish of my life. Words can't really describe what it feels like to see someone you love accuse you, forget you, and fixate on hallucinations all day.
Eventually, we couldn't take care of him anymore and he moved to a care home. Dad told us once, in his dementia-addled state, “I'll be here 'til November.” That was in July.
Enter The Darkest Knight, aka, The Black Knight Chronicles. I started writing this series around the time Dad moved into the care home. I can't say too much about the book without spoiling its twists, but I encourage you to check it out. https://www.amazon.com/Darkest-Knight-Black-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B07HFTSNDD/
In the very last chapter of the last book, the main character says goodbye to her dying father. She tells him “I forgive you.” My own father died just hours later... on November 1st.
Two days after his death, I heard Dad's voice as soon as I woke up from sleep. I heard his voice say, “I'm Home.”
My eldest sister wanted her piece of a tiny inheritance, so we prepared to clear out Dad's house (where I still lived) to sell it. As we were cleaning out Dad's room, we found letters in a drawer. Without saying too much, they were letters from our aunt to our mom, alluding to something very awful my dad did when my aunt was young. The letter itself wasn't 100% clear, but there was clearly a cryptic & painful truth hidden in there.
Suddenly, I knew the family secret. Sort of.
It took me another year to figure out what I'd done, to put all the overwhelming evidence hidden in The Black Knight Chronicles together. When Kizzy says “I love you, I forgive you” to her father at the end of that series, SHE was ME. I had given my dad, a man who feared Hell like no other, the permission and absolution he needed to pass on.
In the book, Kizzy writes letters to “the father she never knew.” They are also MY letters to HIM.
Perhaps I didn't know him or his darkest shadows... maybe I'll never know. But I do know one thing.
I love him.
Always.

i feel a weird need to understand the opposite of what I’m going through. Or the opposite of what I am about to subject myself to. I am a (amab). The earliest days on the playground I can remember, I only was around girls, I only played with them, when I played with guys, (of course this is like 5-6 years old) I always chose feminine or pre-dominantly female characters. For instance if we’re playing power rangers. I have reports from my teacher saying that kids would say weird stuff to me because I wanted to be the girl ranger. When I was 8 I used to be hyper obsessive about this book that was by louis sachar sorry if I misspelled but he made the book called holes and small steps which are the only books I ever read in school voluntarily. he made a book about this boy who kissed his elbow and then thought he was a girl. When I was like 10 I would constantly try to kiss my elbow. As time went on. I begin to understand more and more of what was going on. And eventually I started cross-dressing. I never felt like cross dressing was some sort of sexual turn on and I needed to be in the mood to do it or whatever, I really only wore leggings and a shirt with a bra, or girls pants, a shirt and a bra. But whenever I was wearing those clothes I felt better. I’m not going to say that I felt cured. I’m not going to say that I felt like myself. At that time I was so young idk what was what. But with more time it became clear to me that I’m struggling with something. And I came out to my mom at 15-16. Although she was supportive. She sent me straight to therapy. Which ended up diagnosing me with anxiety. I spent from 15-16 to 23-24 (now) treating symptoms of anxiety which obviously have been caused by gender dysphoria. It wasn’t until I moved back to my moms house that I realized that I’ve been dishonest to myself and relied on my anxiety diagnosis to support my mental fallacies. I’ve had episodes where I’ve been red pill, no fap, strict diet, cold showers, working out for 2 years. I’ve tried my best to become what I thought was a real man in society. Ive been through several relationships with woman. And every time has ended up with me breaking up with them because I feel no sexual attraction towards them. one of my biggest critiques to myself was if I transitioned would it be offensive, or somewhat bothersome to natal females. (Afab). so the reason I’m asking this forum to have some sort of different perspective only this sub Reddit may provide

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even though even 1 lakh a year is too much for us, maybe if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

I was curious if there was a link at all to having ADHD and what it could mean?
So strange my whole life I had this thing where randomly my “eyes got stuck” on something and it’s nothing serious more of a quirk. Like I just zone out uncontrollably for a few seconds. I thought this happened to everyone because my mom and sister has the same thing. We used to laugh about it. Like “mom your eyes are stuck again” I literally thought it was the same as hiccuping or sneezing.
It was only when my daughter’s teacher mentioned “petit mal seizures” she noticed in my daughter (who also has ADHD). I did some research and it’s a form of epilepsy!? Like dayem. What a thing to find out at 36!
It doesn’t really impact my life I’m just super curious about it and wonder if anyone else knew about this?