Causes of feeling of constriction in upper throat

Got together with my ex when I was 17 and they were 16. We grew up a lot together, but I was quite mentally ill most of the time and while I loved the, deeply and did what I could, I was unable to fully learn their love languages or give my all in the relationship. They would mostly plan stuff and do the little things, whereas looking back I just did as much as I could above the minimum. For the latter 2 years of our relationship, we were separated by an hour of distance due to college. During the last year, I developed some nasty OCD which exacerbated my existing doubts in the relationship (Is this right for me? Do I want this forever? What if I want to spend more time in my own world?) which led me to sit in my house and try and think my way to happiness instead of doing the things I could have done to be happier in my relationship like visiting them or calling them. Eventually, my partner grew tired of the imbalance in effort and I let my doubts take over and we mutually broke up. I always told myself I would be happy spending the rest of my life with them if we had some time to grow by ourselves, but I loved them and wanted to be with them and was so afraid to leave the comfort of the relationship. (We are both 20 now)
I initially felt pretty good about the breakup, as it felt like all the doubt in my head had been lifted and I was no longer "living a lie" by continuing to be with them despite all my doubts. They were sad, but felt freed (like a "bird out of a cage" as they put it) but as the weeks went on I began to have an enormous amount of regret over not putting more effort into the relationship, for allowing my OCD and doubt to get the best of me, for the resentful thoughts my brain would have towards them (never let them enter reality), and every step of the process that led to us splitting. When we talked I would tell them that I knew I could be better and that the breakup had provided me the clarity that they were what I wanted the whole time, but I just wasn't able to fully show it. It feels like this is all my fault, as I was the one demotivated, but I know there are factors on both sides and contextual factors that caused this to happen.
Intellectually, I know that this was in the cards for a long time, and I never would have been able to be fully happy in this relationship without knowing what being by myself was like. But my emotions tell me that this could have been prevented had I just tried harder. All I can think about is the future with them that I lost (which is a complete mindfuck because during the relationship it was hard for me to imagine one) It feels like I fell for the fallacy that the "grass is greener on the other side" and now I feel like that notion was so shallow and I gave up such a deep connection for nothing. I just wish I could have fully appreciated what I had and communicated my feelings properly at the time and worked through it but I wasn't in a place to do so, and this was going to happen at some point regardless.
It hurts more because the last time I talked to them (1.5 months after our breakup) they told me they were moving on and doing well in their life, as well as talking to other people casually. This gave me a large amount of sexual insecurity and OCD because while our sex was cool, but I feel like we never fully learned how to pleasure each other (feels like my fault, but I had never slept with anyone before and if something was wrong it could have been communicated on both sides but wasn't. We both often had problems finishing alone so I am trying not to place too much blame on myself for not learning) and would most often make ourselves finish, and I feel like they are probably discovering things about themselves with other people that I couldn't do, while I have no game (yet) and am anxious as fuck and not emotionally ready to talk to other people whereas they are. Since then, I've been a walking zombie full of guilt and regret for feeling like I let myself cause the slow demise of something beautiful and now they are happier without me. I asked if we could ever be together again and they told me things like "maybe our paths will cross again", "Maybe I'll keep it in the back of my mind" and "maybe when we're different people" (trying my best to see this as NEVER) Also what would the chances that we could rekindle things from a hour away be? Zero.
I know I am capable of loving again and that while it will never be the same, I have learned that I can make it better. It just feels so horrible that it was at the cost of such a great loss, and I feel like I will spend the rest of my days being nostalgic and comparing every partner to them and secretly wanting them back no matter who I'm with. Time will probably heal this though.
I also feel like it would be so easy for them to find someone who gives them everything and makes them happy, as I feel like I let them down for so long but where I'm at now my head still views them as perfect and irreplaceable and can only think about all the good they did for me. My brain tells me that with the rate that they are moving on, its likely that they will find someone soon, if not already.
My head keeps running through possibilities of us meeting again and falling back in love, but I know this won't happen. If they don't want me back, why would they in 3 months 6 months, or a year? I know this is good for both of us, I just wish we could use this time to improve ourselves for each other. But that is not the world I live in. I keep having to resist urges to talk to them but I know if I did I would just get set back further.
Thanks for reading my long ass rant. I don't expect replies and I mostly just wrote it to get all these feelings of grief regret hope longing despair off my chest. If someone with more life experience has any insight, I would love to hear what you have to say. I know my views on relationships and sex are very narrow at this point in my life, which reminds me that this is important but FUCKKK the regret and guilt. Thanks for listening! I wish I didn't have OCD. This shit sucks.

I have a triple prolapse: surgeon said it was rather textbook. I'm 35, waiting for a call to schedule my surgery. It's a sacrocolpopexy, an insertion of a mid-urethral sling, and a hysterectomy with the tubes. I've had 4 kids, and have had incontinence issues since my 4th was born 5 years ago. Daily issues. Then the rectocele appeared. Then my cervix, which was ALWAYS high and near impalpable is only fingertip length in. I just feel kinda defeated. They keep acting like I'm too young to need this. And knowing it'll need to be repeated as I age? Cause it's not gonna last me my lifetime. Anyone been there? Gimme some good news, and healing tips.

Right now I have a two fold problem: I want to loose 2inches + tone as tight as possible without bulky muscles. I am female.
I just completed surgery a few weeks ago and got the green light to start back working out “lightly at first”. Surgery caused me to be quite bloated so my current figure is this:
Height: 5’9
WHR:
39” bust 26.5” waist 39” hips
No thigh gap
Weight: 135lbs
What I want is to loose 2” all around - so 36 x 24 x 36 WHR and about 10-15lbs. But also super tone up with emphasis on glutes /legs.
Pre-surgery I did zero cardio. I would focus on strength and resistance training for 1hr 3x week + 1hr yoga 2x week and lots of walking / riding bikes.
Now im at a loss because ive gained close to 10lbs in the past few weeks and feel much bigger / heavier all around. In my most fit state im about 120lbs because I am very small boned and narrow throughout. Im just on the taller side.
I do not eat breakfast, usually have a large lunch and my worst is super late night snacking. So trying to quit that. Im mostly vegetarian. My latest bloodwork shows really good levels on everything.
What would you recommend to max out my fitness?? I really want to dig in as summer is literally around the corner and I want to lean out but also tone (not bulk). Any suggestions welcomed!!

"why I can't make friends" rant, read if you want. (looking for emo friends/friend)
READ IF YOU WANT
why is it so hard to make friends?
m19 here from (still in) maryland, and lately i've realized how lonely I am, lmao. I have my hobbies and stuff but yet, I'm so lonely, i have one friend, who's been my friend since middle school, he's my bro. but i realized i legit have no friends..or a friend like me, here's some points I've seen/made 👇🏾
° fake people: there's too many fake people in the world today, worried about “worldly” bull crap or something stupid, wanting to be in drama, coming to you, then completely ignoring you or ghosting, I find it fake, sorta bummy and immature. people don't know the definition of a “friendship” or a “very close bond” like i'm gonna stick beside you no matter what, people don't seem to get that, then play victim when you call them out. people will use you, talk poorly of you, do all things wrong, i can't stand that. which is why i enjoy being more of a loner..i hate fake friends and i am not no fake friend, im sorta clingy
° people have weird interests/and are boring: this is, i guess controversial, tough one? but people have their interests but i've met some people (school/outside) that's into some weird crap, pronouns for one, i dislike folk whose interests are gender crap, not much into anime honestly, i do love harry potter though. i find a lot of people boring and never knowing how to have a conversation, never wanna be like “come over and chill, or let's watch a horror film” or anything like that, i've always wanted a male friend to explore stuff with, let's ride our skateboards around and learn tricks/let's ride through the night, i'd love to explore abandoned places honestly, guess i'm more of an that “emo boy that's always up to something”. i also love a childish person, stupid jokes/pranks are always the best, where's the trustworthy people who'd wanna skate all night and go to a pizza joint and chill at each other places all night watching horror films, (and i love horror. anyone seen the movie terrifer? the conjuring? house of 1000 corpses? lords of salem!!) talking about whatever, even deep conversations all night with pizza. play video games with me if you'd want, im a console player, i enjoy my xbox, we can facetime and play stupid stuff or id come to you and chill. who still plays minecraft lmao, im a huge lover of the grunge, skateboard theme, nighttime themed things, yeah i'm a slytherin 🐍. i can't find people like that. also, any other song writers out there? i love making my own music, rock is dope but it depends on the rock..
° bad places and everyone is untrustworthy/ghetto: i grew up in the hood, not to be prideful but it's sorta easy to see through people and know when stupid crap is going down. it's hard finding friends like you in the area you live in. this goes along with fake friends cause people are fake, users, and ghetto af. like what the hell? i mean like dude, if I'm your friend, i mean that, im not gonna use you for money or betray you for some chick or whoever. people don't seem to get that. i also find it stupid how guys, other males are such simps for women and will completely throw you under the bus for a woman, women do the same with men, it's fake af.
° i hate people/large crowds/groups: this i feel like a lot of people can relate to. i absolutely hate people and not on a “woke gen z” area, but on a “people do too much” level, yes people do too much and they always deny that they're doing too much. i hate big groups, because they always fall, which is a heartbreaker dude..it can be 4 of us, then 3, then 2, then none. i've always prefered a group of 3 or just one guy and myself. this gonna sound weird but i've always wanted a male friend, a guys guy really. i don't really go to skate parks, cause it's usually to many people, doing the most per usual, like there's one by the baltimore harbor, i'd rather go at night due to the amount of people there during the day. it sounds cheesy but i hate people. i really do.
° no one has my interest: this is the same as people having weird interests, but this is true. no one has the same interest as me, and i hear that people with the same interest are the ones that argue a lot, fall apart quickly, or just can't get along, i don't know how true that is entirely. but that's where the communication falls in, talk to me man. if there's an issue, open your mouth! don't be a pussy and keep it to yourself and talk poorly of me and hate me. that's not right, it's wack and lame af. people who do that really need to get themselves in check. like again, i love horror, i love the hell out of horror, its all I watch, anyone here watch mr.nightmare ? on youtube, also people enjoy stupid stuff and stay indoors to much. i get it, being in your space in your smelly room is cool and all, it's america, we hate it here, but personally i think there so much more, like I said I love night time stuff, abandoned houses/churches/stores, etc, i'm always down for it all, guess it's my emo horror obsession haha. anyone want to work and save up money together? where's the people like that who wouldn't steal your money, and dip off, like we save and use it for stuff like pizza, new skateboards, deep woods campfires and outings man. spending the night at each other's place, sneaking into spots! and one thing, building each other up, im the type to help you out, if you feel bad or something, let me know and id help, I know depression runs through a lot of people, and if I had that friend that in looking for in gonna be there, no matter what. that's just the kinda person I am, not satanic lol, just..emo? or grunge? i don't know..
° no one is loyal/have bad families/too sensitive: this is a tough one but im just gonna say it. people aways hated that I have no filter, not that I have a nasty mouth and I always have to put my opinion in stuff, i'm more so very quiet. i also have a dark sense of humor, im black, so i definitely do say racial jokes, not as a insult, but a little humor or whatever. dark humor is always the best. but i have no filter, i'm gonna tell you the truth of what it is, what I enjoy, what I hate, just point blank period, and people hate that, i'm nor gonna sugar coat anything! a true friendship circles and stays strong through truth and open words, if you can't handle that, something is honestly wrong with you fr. families, now. i won't judge you for having a bad home, but what i mean is, completely putting all that, that's not your responsibility in the way. i did that once, as an older sibling, i believe younger siblings aren't no one's responsibility, i once canceled plans to “watch and take care” of siblings when their old enough to watch themselves, which i regret. if you're having a bad time, you always got me there. which falls into loyal, people aren't loyal. which is basically people are fake. im a longterm friendship kinda dude. you're my homie, just like that.
° finally, judging and redflags: i don't judge at all, ask ill tell, but I don't judge at all. I don't see a point? none of us is perfect, so I don't see a point, saying what you feel is different than judging fr. same with redflags, guess mines would be im clingy 😂 i love clingy people as well, im not sure. but red flags falls into the same with, people do too much, people are fake, and users. and it amazes me completely how someone will use you, for however long, then completely ditch you in the end, or when you're caught, times get rough, or something like that. I really really hate that and that's what destroys friendships. don't really care if someone is clingy.
guess that's all, i think friendships in 2018-2024 are absolutely awful, and I hate that so much. there's no one else around really, like what the hell 😂 and still today, no friends. i be hoping i can find someone like me, like if you'll be there forever man mean that and stand on it. i think the future of friendships will die out honestly. no one can trust each other, no one can spend nights no more, go out, or anything..im not into politics, I don't care about presidents or anything, nor money, I need it, I know, which is why I'm still job searching, I just think there's more to a friendship besides money, arguing, drama, stupid stuff. that's it from me i guess 😂 just a lil rant since I joined this group. show me your skateboard, songs and favorite bands! mines is behemoth and a few grunge ones.. hopefully id find a friend ..

The main narrative, both nationally and locally, seems to be that Mitchell has critically hindered Garland's offense since his arrival. And it has certainly felt that way at times as a viewer. But the stats suggest otherwise. Not only has Garland's usage not cratered since Michell's arrival, it has not even declined significantly. Same with his shot attempts per 36 minutes. And Mitchell can't be the cause of Garland's turnover issues, as Garland's turnovers are down significantly since Mitchell's arrival.
Garland's Stats Before Mitchell's Arrival (2020-21, 2021-22) v. After Mitchell's Arrival (2022-23, 2023-24). Of course, these stats can't tell the entire story. But they do suggest that the heart of the issue isn't Mitchell taking Usage and Shot Attempts away from Garland.
Usage: 26 v. 26
Shots per 36: 17 v. 16
Turnovers per 36: 3.5 v. 3.1
But why does it feel like the pairing isn't working?
We expected Garland to continue to improve offensively, but he declined in 2023-24.
We forget how good Garland's 2022-23 season, with Mitchell of course, was offensively (in part because he declined toward the end of the season and into the playoffs).
Garland's lack of aggression as a shooter this year (less hunting 3-pt and mid-range shots) and problematic aggression as passer (drives under the basket leading to turnovers).
A lack of offensive synergy (it at least seems rare that Garland and Mitchell play-make for each other).
Offensive post-season failures (Cavs offense has not, generally speaking, been good in any of the playoff series).
Failure to recognize the ways Mitchell benefits Garland offensively (Mitchell draws best on-ball defender, Mitchell helps w gravity and spacing).
Why Keep Garland?
Garland is still young for a point guard and not yet in his prime (he's only 24).
Garland has shown an ability and willingness to improve (although he's still a defensive liability, his defense has improved significantly since his rookie year, and he does fight).
A new head coach with a new offensive system might be able to make the pairing not only work but thrive.
An inability to maximize his value in a trade. Trading Garland without getting back equal or near-equal value must be avoided. It's hard to know what the market might be for Garland, especially given his contract. But if the best deal the Cavs can get is something like Garland for say Keldon Johnson (1.3 and 3.0 Win Shares in last 2 yrs), then they need to try to make the pairing work with a new coach and system.
Why Trade Garland?
Although Garland has improved defensively, he is still a major liability on defense and, given his size and build, always will be.
Garland's offensive stagnation and having a target on his back on defense is especially problematic from the perspective of his salary and being the highest paid player on the team.
Given the redundancies between Garland and Mitchell and the hole the roster has at the 3, trading Garland and bring back a 3-and-D wing might be the easiest way to improve the roster.
Post-season ambitions. The goal of the franchise is to make deep post-season run and maybe eventually contend. Garland's post-season performances, although there has been some bright spots, has been extremely concerning. Offensively, it seems like he can be neutralized fairly easily, especially given his lack of size and explosiveness. And defensively, it seems like, even if he were to improve further defensively, he'll always been someone teams relentlessly target in the post-season.

So, recently, I quit my old job of 13 years. Over time, however, I made friends with the wonderful woman, let's call her Rain. Rain and I used to send each other private jokes, playfully flirt with each other, tell each other about ourselves, and just be friends. It was a joke that we were an office couple. You know, work wife and work husband. Anyway, while she's single but in a relationship and I'm married, there's this feeling of attraction that the both of us share. Last week, we damn near confessed it to each other, but we knew that it would cause problems, so we just played it off. On my last day, she took me to lunch, at a restaurant. Somewhere small, not busy. I didn't expect her to do that, but it was SO much fun, to just talk and be around her. It wasn't a date, but it FELT like one. The looks we shared, the glances, the smiles...when we gave each other one last hug, she grilled me right, and I, her. My hands were lower, towards her back. Then, I did something bold. I moved my hands to her butt and gripped it. She didn't even flinch, as she hugged me even tighter. It lasted oy for a minute, but I wanted it to last so much longer. In another life, we definitely would have had a steamier "goodbye". But, I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I don't have another session with my psychoanalyst for a month. I seemed to have unearthed something deep recently that has be absolutely disgusted with any type of sex or affection.
For info I was raised neglected and ignored. I learned early on to people please to have my needs met. As far as allowing sexual contact in order to receive care and affection. I'd let people who should not have to touch and use me because they would stay around and I wouldn't be alone.
I've healed a lot recently but something snapped not too long ago during a journalling exercise and now I don't want any sort of sexual or physical contact. I'm afraid it will cause issues in my current relationship if I do not get a handle on it soon. My partner is very understanding and does not want me doing anything I won't enjoy or that I don't want to do.
I realize a relationship that had sex and intimacy before would be in jeopardy the longer this goes on. Causing more stress.
I literally feel like I don't ever want to do anything sexual again. That it's not for my benefit and only to use me. Even thinking about my relationship ending over this to me confirms it. They'll not want me if I'm not taking care of their sexual needs.
I'm so done taking care of people. No one took care of me. Even I couldn't take care of me. I don't even want to masturbate at this point. I'm just so disgusted with how much of my life I've been made to feel I'm only as valuable as what I can do for someone.
I'm really emotional right now and usually quite good at self regulation. Struggling and would like some help if possible.

I’m talking VS. Weiss, Bahamut, Top Secrets. These are all clearly meant to be the big challenges of the post game, but I feel like they are all not great? It seems like the only way this game knows how to create difficulty is by adding a time limit to the fight.
I’ve been trying to get the platinum on this game and it’s been the same thing over and over again that is causing me trouble in these fights. My biggest struggles have been Weiss, Bahamut in Top Secrets 1 and Ramuh in Top Secrets 2, and they all rely on the same cheap gimmick. They are all pretty easy to evade and attack once you understand, the problem is just praying that they don’t decide to cast their one shot.
I wasn’t expecting Souls level boss design, but I feel like they could have tried a bit harder to come up with ways to make it challenging. It’s just frustrating that all of these bosses have a time limit and that’s really the only hurdle of the fight.
I’m hoping Rebirth has some better ones.

Swordlances and Shield Bros (that actually attack) have gotten a lot of criticism in the BB community, but how bad are they really?
I wanted to find out, so I did a run where I banned most of the meta builds, as well as throwing weapons and close range two handers. I also banned gunners, qatal duelists, mace duelists and cleaver duelists. I also banned berserk and killing frenzy as I wanted to experience the stamina system without relying on berserk recover.
Reach weapons were allowed as their damage is more in line with other weapons. Possibly a mistake though, as they circumvent the weirdness of the stamina system.
Standard pure defense tank builds and normal banner builds were allowed, in order to keep the test focused on the performance of the other builds. Sword duelists were allowed as a filler option for bros without the stamina to do anything else, flail duelists were allowed for guys with bad melee skill.
This started off as a challenge run but it turned into more of a build testing experiment as the off meta builds turned out to be strong enough that it wasn't really much harder than a normal run (until the end). So I fought certain battles multiple times for testing purposes, but still let bros die normally.
Team composition:
4 Attacking Shield Bros, 4-6 frontline Swordlances, 1 Normal Banner, 1 Normal Tank, rest filler in the form of sword duelists & flail duelists. One Shield Bro was also a spearman. Two Swordlances were semi ranged units with around 46 ranged skill and carried crossbows so enemy parties with weak ranged would advance normally. Exact builds in pics.
Team Part 1
.
Team Part 2
Results:
This team actually had a relatively easy time with most fights, getting in ~215 fights by day 149 and finding / buying 33 famed items while only finding a few champions and only buying a few good items. Core bros from early in the game hit level 15. I am not a speed runner or super high fight density player, so that's a decent result for me, which indicates the team was actually surprisingly strong.
Builds:
Frontline Swordlance:
This made up the bulk of my damage. While swordlance has gotten a lot of criticism, frontline swordlance just seems like a good tempo build for most of the game. Aside from gunners, it's simply the easiest way to AOE without requiring high stats or good armor. You can use a daytaler with mediocre starting stats for swordlance, while AOEing with a two hander requires a much better recruit who can survive a fair amount of enemy contact.
Winning against large numbers of humanoid enemies in early high tier camps is largely based on morale checks and getting fearsome procs. Using AOE abilities is a good way to get fearsome procs. Obviously it clears out weaker enemies and that lowers the morale of stronger enemies. But the damage doesn't really fall off too badly until you get to the most heavily armored enemies. It's even fine vs Chosen as you can use the increased reach and mobility to focus fire and get in multiple AOEs and stay out of trouble. Maybe vs later Chosen camps past day 150 that would become more difficult.
In general, with pathfinder + polearm you almost always get at least one attack in and you can focus fire very easily, while keeping your damage bros safe, which goes a long way in terms of tempo compared to other builds that have more dead turns.
Swordlance is also good against beasts like Lindwurms as many beast fights seems to favor the strategy of walk forward, hit with reach weapon, walk out of attack range. You can just AOE the lindwurms down while your damage bros are perfectly safe.
Is it better than Javelins? Probably not, javelins are OP, but it uses a much easier to obtain recruit type and it does have advantages in some fights compared to javelins, as in many of the more risky mid game camps the enemy likely has more range than you, forcing you to advance. Swordlance can simply walk right up to the walls and reap away, while throwers have trouble setting up throwing lanes and one range attackers get clogged up and can't attack.
Swordlance can also invest in a full set of defenses and survivability perks. (That's why it's "Frontline Swordlance".) It doesn't have to waste a scarce backline spot but can safely take contact from even Chosen temporarily, as long as it's not getting swarmed by them. So the more relevant comparison is Swordlance vs Dodge Quickhands. In that comparison Swordlance seems to have a lot of advantages while the disadvantages are minor (especially since in a normal run you can just keep a two handed axe as backup.)
Swordlance damage only really became a problem vs masses of uncontrolled, heavy armor enemies, like if you fight all the Ancient Undead at the same time in Monolith (more on that later). However, in normal fights Ancient Honor Guards aren't challenging due to predictable AI and by day 150 Orc Warriors are still in relatively small numbers and are easily controlled and their morale is easily broken. I guess if you played super late swordlance might start to struggle in some larger camps.
Swordlance build: Poleshield:
Stole this build from this subreddit, thanks! Most of the time he plays as a normal swordlance, but he has the option to swap to a heater shield when he gets stuck in melee and needs the defense. Start with swordlance out, swing (5 ap), swap to shield (4 ap). End turn. Next turn, wait with relentless as shield stays out, swap to swordlance at the end and swing (4 ap + 5 ap). Next turn you will go before slower enemies so you can swing again and put your shield up for the rest of the turn. Most swings hit while shield is up. For most of the game this wasn't needed very often and he instead used a 4 ap weapon as a sidearm so he could dump his stamina into damage as quickly as possible. He tries to stay out of trouble so he doesn't need the shield. However on Monolith or in dangerous situations the shield option did come in handy. One polearm swing per turn isn't great damage, but with AOE it's not horrible and the shield does a lot to keep them alive until they can get out of trouble (can reach 50 defense with dodge). It's also helpful to have the shield out when you use recover.
Swordlance build: Fake Ranged Tempo Poleshield:
If you aren't going to build ranged units, you probably want a couple of fake ranged units, otherwise enemies with minor ranged abilities (like orc young with javelins) won't walk up to you as they normally do. Just take a mediocre ranged recruit with high based ranged skill and get him up to 46 ranged skill, then put the rest of the stats in melee. Start the fight with a crossbow in hand so it's loaded. The AI treats it as a normal ranged unit and will advance normally. You still have to advance if they have a lot of ranged so it's the same as normal runs. He can actually hit quite often with his crossbow vs certain enemies. Bags and belts performed great on these guys but duelist was for a specific weapon and probably shouldn't be taken normally. One died but he had similar stats.
Shield Bros:
While four shield bros that attack plus a tank and a tank banner (who usually just stands there holding the banner) is overkill (or uhh underkill) in terms of low damage defensive units, the shield bros performed surprisingly well in terms of tempo, even though I was never able to find an ideal candidate for a battleforged hammer + shield bro.
In a normal run it often takes a quite a long time to find candidates who can hit a stat line like 85/35 at level 11 to qualify as fatigue neutrals, which means that you can end up with a team full of nimble damage dealers with few defense bros aside from the tanks. That delays your ability to shift to optimal tactics, where the front line is made up of high defense high armor bros who take most of the enemy attacks, while the damage dealers stand in safer positions and try to only get attacked by one enemy at a time.
A unit who wouldn't quite measure up as a fatigue neutral can be made into a Shield Bro instead and he'll have plenty of defense to fill a front line spot and stand up against 3 enemies or more, while still contributing some damage over time.
Probably the most desirable attacking shield bro is a battleforged hammer shield bro, but that only works with high fatigue backgrounds, I didn't get the right recruits for that so I was forced to compromise on my shield bro builds.
Shield Bro Build: Fatigue Neutral Iron Lungs:
Stamina management is a huge problem without access to two handed weapons. Getting attacked by a lot of enemies quickly uses up a lot of stamina and only a small percentage of recruits can have enough stamina to tank in battleforged armor and still swing two times per turn. I never really found many skilled recruits with a high stamina pool like that.
Battleforged is still essential though. Bros with iron lungs can be fatigue neutral and swing certain weapons twice per turn, every turn. Normally that's limited to cleavers and swords, but if you get famed weapons you can expand the list of one handed fatigue neutral weapons. I was lucky enough to get famed weapons for these two, although they were not great ones.
Defensively, these guys performed better than the numbers indicate as they didn't take any bleeds, injuries or fearsome checks. And while their defense is only in the mid 50s with shield, that still makes them significantly tankier than a normal fatigue neutral. Their damage is pretty bad but it adds up in the course of long fights, so I think you'd lose tempo in most fights if you substituted pure defensive tanks. In Monolith they could survive for many rounds tanking up to 7 ancient undead at a time, which nimble or nimbleforged bros could not handle.
With recruiter retinue it makes sense to check a lot of guys for traits anyway and this can be a high impact way to use some guys with iron lungs and mediocre stats. It's a bit niche but I would consider using this build in a normal run, especially if I got an appropriate famed weapon and didn't need a duelist. One of these guys started as a 55*/2* Iron Lungs Daytaler, his performance as a damage sponge + damage over time was solid in this build, but as a duelist he'd have been mediocre and used up a lot of tools. In this run more damage was needed, but in a normal run there is usually a shortage of high defense forged units.
Shield Bro Build: Hammer Shield
One handed Hammer still performs well even without double grip or duelist. Destroy armor still does a lot of armor damage on the appropriate enemies and the regular attack will always proc fearsome, which often means he can simply walk up to an orc warrior or chosen and rout him with a couple hits, while having 60 defense.
This run didn't really maximize the strengths of the hammer shield bro, ideally he'd be a high stamina background in forged armor and he'd be paired with high damage teammates like a barbarian two handed axe that just need a little armor softening.
Nimble and nimbleforged are definitely fine for large camps at 150 days of scaling and earlier but if the late game camps scale to the point where he has no choice but to be focus fired by many high damage enemies, then you'd want a forged bro instead. Mine started to run out of steam when fighting both undead groups at once in Monolith. Still, this is a build I would routinely consider adding to the line up. Another great reason to build this is that Nimble Hammer Shield combines well with Spear + Shield, which is great for mid game tempo.
Shield Bro Build: Spear Specialist
Spear specialist performs a similar role to the indomitable tank, but becomes available earlier. Due to the way the AI works he can often hold off as many as 4-6 enemies for several turns. The spear specialization perk is very valuable as you can continue to refresh spearwall even while tanking another enemy, often you can arrange it so the only available spot for an enemy to attack is next to the spearman, causing several enemies to waste their turns trying to move in. Two handed enemies like chosen and berserkers are particularly crippled as they can only move one tile and attack, so you either force them to waste their turn by moving, or if they walk into spearwall they lose their turn if the spearman hits even once. The spearman singlehandedly increases the number of camps that will be profitable for your team. Spear combines well with shield and hammer in the classic Spear Hammer Shield Build from early BB, giving you something to do when you are done spearwalling. Will build again.
Weaknesses and Monolith:
I did multiple Black Monolith fights for testing purposes.
https://preview.redd.it/tgvvrj14881d1.png?width=1779&format=png&auto=webp&s=a58156df46337efd136bccea6564799c81e2abf2
I'm aware of two strategies for Monolith, with one being significantly easier than the other.
The "Speedrun" strategy (seen in Shringshring's video here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ayh35O9mLUw&t=8429s) involves splitting the undead into two groups by running the tank to the top left corner of the map, while the rest of the team retreats towards the bottom left corner of the map. The fight plays out as two separate fights with a break in between. It is reliable if you move like he does, the necrosavants may attack if your team spreads out too much though. Even if you only move a little bit though, it's enough to split the undead as long as the tank makes it to the corner.
The other strategy is the "Normal" or "Hard Mode" strategy for Monolith, where the tank runs approximately 4 hexes towards the top of the map and the team retreats approximately two hexes to the left. The fight starts sooner and it is possible for the tank to die relatively quickly. You need either a good tank to last a long time or a good amount of damage, otherwise you can end up facing both undead groups at the same time. This is the more difficult strategy but high damage late game teams with good tanks can handle it fine.
The Shield Bro + Swordlance team doesn't have any problem with Monolith with the speedrun strategy. It's true that the swordlances feel a bit weak against the ancient honor guards, but there isn't excessive pressure on the team so it can take the time to set up good AOEs with swordlances, weaken armor with hammer bros and focus fire. It plays out like two normal fights back to back.
However, when trying to brute force both Ancient Dead groups with the "Hard Mode" strategy, the team finally starts to show its weakness. The team takes 20 to 21 rounds to beat Monolith using this strategy. That's much slower than normal for Monolith. The Battleforged fatigue neutral shield bros performed well, surviving for many rounds while getting hit by up to 7 ancient honor guards at a time, but having the fight take so long leaves more time for things to go wrong and win rate on Monolith was probably only about 60% with this strategy, as there was a risk of the tank going down early. This could have been reduced with a better tank and/or more potions. Fighting both undead groups + necrosavants all at once was too much for the team to overcome reliably. Swordlances ran out of stamina and got stuck in non optimal positions for AOE, hammers were not able to eliminate Honor Guards quickly enough on their own. It may also have been a mistake to go from 5-6 Swordlances in most normal fights to only 4 in the Monolith, by benching the faked ranged for newly trained high defense bros, as there was a real lack of damage for the "Hard Mode" strategy.
While there isn't much reason to do the "Hard Mode" strategy instead of the "Speedrun" strategy, this still hints at a weakness that might show up in certain extremely highly scaled camps late in the game, like very late sea of tents. Just not enough damage vs armor, plus tons and tons of armored enemies pushing in too fast, getting in contact with vulnerable nimble units. However the amount of orc warriors that spawned in early game Sea of Tents were no problem at all, swordlance guys could just keep a tier 2 hammer in the pocket and easily rout them with fearsome after routing the young and berserkers.
Finally, fighting both undead groups at once illustrated some problems with the stamina system in this game as it relates to 4ap weapons. I left the sword duelist option available for filler bros with lower stamina who couldn't do anything else. Normally the build performed fine, however when there was an extremely high density of enemies and the sword duelist was getting attacked a lot he quickly ran out of stamina and could rarely regain enough to swing twice. He could either use recover, which was never needed in any other fight, or he could stand there and swing only once like an idiot. I gave them reach weapons for just this reason, but it was kind of a crutch to play around this imbalance of the stamina system, that's why two handed weapons are so good after all. In the Speedrun strategy when the undead were split into two groups, the sword duelists had no problems as they could take positions where only small numbers of enemies could swing at them.
Conclusion:
The meta builds exist for a reason of course, but the Devs generally did a great job balancing this game and you can definitely make a lot of non-meta builds work. Sometimes they even feel quite strong. However, when designing your non-meta builds keep in mind the imbalances with the stamina system. For a tanky character with a high stamina pool who uses high stamina cost moves, like the Hammer Shield Bro, taking a turn to recover doesn't feel too bad. But pathfinder based 4 ap builds that don't use much stamina in normal fights can find their offense shut down if they let a lot of enemies swing at them. That kind of limits the value of high defense and high durability on this kind of unit and makes me want to avoid putting 4 ap weapons on them, even though it seems more thematic than giant two handed weapons.

I have mental health issues like depression and anxiety and have worked at this place for 3.5 years (England)
Since I came back from the mat leave, my line manager was off with me due to my 1 year old getting sick on the nursery as she just joined it.
My line manager shouted at me, that led to depression relapse. Please note that I was admitted to mother and baby unit when my post-partum depression was quite bad 1.5 month after my baby was born.
I went on sick leave for 12 days and when I came back, I told HR that my depression is getting worse due to my line manager as I was much better and off medications before I joined the work after mat leave.HR was being very rude towards me and forced me to make eye contact with my line manager.
HR was still not changing the line manager and I got pissed off and told them that why are you not understanding, she is harming me by her volatile nature and my child is suffering as I can't even play with her.
Line manager said that I am a bully and aggressive. So an informal investigation was conducted in which she retracted her bullying allegations and said I was aggressive when I asked them (HR) for changing the line manager.
Eventually, the line manager was changed and I mended relationship with my previous line manager as I got to know she was suffering from menopausal issues, that explained her behaviour and I moved forward.
Since I completed all my goals, I got good end of year review by the interim manager. I changed the nursery and got my child into a childminder setting for less sickness.
In January, I got a new line manager who seemed really level headed and kind. Owing to my depression and anxiety, I was seeking validation from him (like job well done etc.) by showing him my data (I am a researcher), he was always humble and nice and we brainstormed.
Then after three months, I suddenly had a performance review and was told that I do not show enough independence in performing my work, I seek help from my line manager (who is not even trained in my field - it is a matrix management). The project lead said that I share too much data with them - I over communicate via teams. The project lead made a teams group in which he added my line manager and I, and made me prepare weekly plans for the work package. I thought, if I share my data with them, they will see how hard I am working and how everything is according to the timeline. Several (not all) colleagues feel that the project lead is a narcissist.
But no, my line manager ambushed me with this sudden performance review in which me mentioned that if I don't improve within three weeks, I will be put on PIP.
I had such a bad depressive episode that I got suicidal. My anti--depressant dose got increased and my psychiatrist said, it is the work which is causing you issues, no dose will help you. This issue needs to be sorted.
I am on sick leave now. The attitude of my line manager has shocked me. He never gave me any feedback before, if he did, I would have happily changed myself according to what they wanted. But he rather started a performance review with director and HR involved. This broke my trust and me. He was writing all the small points throughout those three months. Most of the things he are saying are false. He misunderstood my humbleness to be lack of independence or knowledge. I always had good performance reviews, this is the first time I am listening to this when I was working so hard.
I am thinking of going the legal way - preferably a settlement. What would you suggest? Does it look like discrimination to you?

Hi all,
I am a field engineer who works on linear accelerators and at times I have to do field work which requires me to solder, in a variety of odd places. Sometimes I have to solder connections, but other times I have to solder PCB components to get the board working again before the replacement comes in.
When I first started I had purchased the Milwaukee M12 soldering iron which is garbage, so I hardly use it. Just doesn't seem to get hot enough to do PCB work fast enough to remove or replace components to not cause additional board damage. Maybe it's a heat transfer issue with the tip that comes with the kit?

• M12™ Soldering Iron (Tool Only) (milwaukeetool.com)

Essentially, I've been managing by using this Benzomatic Butane which is fine for connections but it gets far TOO hot for me to do PCB work, so I've also been using your normal plug in one with an extension cord. Plus I feel like a neanderthal with using the butane one.

• Bernzomatic Handheld Soldering Iron Butane Torch Kit with 7 Settings and Case ST550 - The Home Depot

Having a dedicated bench setup is not possible for me in my role.
Anyone here have any ideas? I really would like a battery powered one because I travel for work and need to stay lean on infrequent tools. I do need adjustable tips to go down in sizes as I've had to replace microfarad caps in a pinch to get it up and running again.
Cost is NOT a factor as it's going to be purchased on my corporate card and I work on multimillion dollar machines.
Much appreciated!

A fragment of a meteor strikes the Nigerian savanna. From the crater, a pillar of green light emerges. In a nearby village, eleven-year-old Tobe stirs from his sleep. The young lad peers out of his ramshackle window, the bright glow of the impact sight catching his attention. He seems inexplicably drawn towards it as if it was calling his name.
Unable to resist, Tobe quietly gets out of bed. The boy sneaks across the cold stone floor, keeping sure not to wake his mother or younger sister. He skitters out of town and towards the light.
He finds the indent in the earth, the glowing object at its center. His curiosity overcomes any sense of danger he might have had otherwise; he touches the object. The emanating light flashes bright, almost blinding. Tobe feels himself falling with no end in sight, causing him to black out.
When he awakes, his eyesight is slightly blurred; possibly an effect of the light. Tobe rubs away the mist obscuring his vision and is greeted by a vast forest reminiscent of the North American wilderness. Before he can question where in the world he is, he takes notice of the watch-like device strapped to his wrist. It has no numbers on its bright digital face, but that same bright green light flickers on its screen.
Before he is given time to contemplate all the goings on, the sound of buzzing wings reaches Tobe’s ears. It is louder than any swarm the young boy has ever heard. He looks in every direction until he catches sight of a huge insect flying high over the treetops. It has the body of a bee and the mane of a lion.
[FLYMON - Adult / Virus / Insect / Deadly Sting]
The large creature takes a sharp dip in the air, darting towards Tobe. There is nothing more that he can do but run. The adrenaline of danger has him showing unexpected feats of athleticism, leaping over logs and stones. School yard soccer has not prepared him for this.
Flymon launches its stingers at our young lad, knocking branches off trees and digging into the earth. Tobe comes to a raging river, the current too strong for him to swim across. His foe fires off another round of stingers when a voice, new yet somehow familiar, sounds from the brush.
“Baby Breath!”
A ball of red hot flame blasts the giant insect, leaving it momentarily stunned. Out of the shadows of the trees, a dragon-like creature appears between Tobe and Flymon. It has tattered red wings and horns, teal scales, and ivory claws.
“Run!” he says to the boy. The two take off, getting as far from the stinging beast as they can. The small beast guides Tobe into a cave where they can hide out for a while.
Now out of danger, the two can be properly introduced. Tobe is still a bit on edge and unsure of what to think of the odd life form in front of him.
“Who are you?” he asks.
“Dracomon,” the creature answers with a smile.
[DRACOMON - Child / Data / Dragon / Baby Breath]

I feel like I screwed up and let my crazy show. I was in a situationship with this guy for about 1.5 yrs and we had great chemistry, really clicked, spent Valentine’s together, weekly sleepovers, all the cliche things that I know don’t necessarily mean a guy still really likes you. So he’s super, super active on Instagram stories and there was a 2 month period where he was completely inactive. I went to his profile, noticed all his highlights were gone, and he has dozens of highlights. FYI, I used to work in marketing so know all of the social media inside and outs. I said nothing, then finally said, "Hey I know I may have overstepped and been anxious, but did you hide your Instagram stories from me? and he was like “Uh, well I’m trying a social media detox. I’ll change it back". And sure enough, highlights are back. And this is where I think I screwed up, like a crazy stalker. The only reason I keep Hinge is to keep tabs on him, and his location changed on a business trip. Again, I owned up and said "I know this isn’t my best behavior, I have baggage I’m working on in therapy but I saw your location change, I felt a need to check bc of what happened on Insta. And he goes “oh yeah it’s just when I’m bored”. Now he wants to take a break which I means is just an easy way into passive aggressively working into a breakup. The reason I got stalkerish bc there were lots of red flags (which I won’t get into) that caused me to act this way and all along I knew he wanted something casual and clearly I’m not in the headspace to date seriously. So I apologized and he’s like “yeah, your texts about what you noticed caused me anxiety and was bad for my mental health. Because you’re absolutely correct about women’s intuition”. He then said he felt like he wasn't in the headspace to commit to anyone and was like, let me know if your'e catching feelings or want something I can't give you. And then went into how we could maybe hangout soon but not hook up after a break. Anyway, I realized that I would rather him in my life as a casual situationship than not at all and I regret confronting him. The logical part of me realizes that if I have to engage in the insecure behavior I was engaging in, then the situation isn't healthy, I'm not healthy, or both. But I'm struggling and realizing that it probably wouldn't have come to this if I had not used social media/Hinge as of a way of confronting him. And realized that I could have kept them out of the equation all together, and used the "real life" red flags as examples and maybe it could have led to a more mature discussion.

My WW had a 7 month online affair with her old high school teacher (also married). DDay was April 22nd. She was planning to meet him at a hotel in June, but since I found out she cut all contact with him, and has been very open and apologetic. She cried straight for about a week, admitted to everything as far as I can verify, (watching each other masturbate, saying she loves him, fantasizing about living together). She did almost everything right from that point, except begging me not to tell the OBP.
We want to reconcile (we have 2 little girls, married 10 years).
My first instinct was terror at losing my family, and just general jealousy and hurt. I never yelled at her or anything. I didn't feel I needed to, she was clearly contrite and didn't like herself for doing it.
We've been doing the hysterical bonding thing, which seems to help. And we've been talking more, which is nice. I can't usually go to sleep at night though and wander downstairs to stew most nights. She feels bad about that.
Last night she came down in the morning and found me awake at 5am. We talked because I was jealous that when we were having sex she wanted me to grab her ass but didn't say anything. She tried to move my hands, but it wasn't clear. In short, she's always been very shy about sexual communication. I couldn't sleep because I remembered some of the sexually graphic texts and emails she sent to him. I told her this, and for the first time (except 1 extremely brief bit on day 1) she explained that she was more comfortable with this man sexually because they communicated much more about other topics and opened up about their feeling, etc. Then she complained that she went through a rough 2 years because I didn't spend enough time with the family, or enough time with her.
She's a stay at home mom because I work hard enough so she can do that, and I think I always resented that she wasn't happier or more grateful for that. She wanted to stay home when we had kids, I give that to her, and now she's mad that I don't see them enough.
The big problem is that she's probably right. I would sleep in late on non work days, I'd stay up late to get alone time, and I didn't love family adventures with our little girls. I'm an introvert. My girls love me, don't get me wrong. My oldest (7 tomorrow) and I have long conversations and debates, and I'm clearly her favorite.
It's not that my WW is wrong, it's that I'm not ready to accept that kind of blame or responsibility right now. I'm hurting worse than I ever have before, and on top of that I have to hear that my wife is angry at me and I wasn't a great husband. How am I supposed to heal through that?
I shouldn't overstate it, my WW was very clear that my failings (my word) don't serve as an excuse for what she did. We love each other and seem committed to making it work. She feels a ton of guilt and we are very kind to each other. But in the span of a month I went from:
I'm a good responsible husband with a solid marriage
to
I'm a good responsible husband whose wife made a terrible decision and I have to learn to forgive her.
to now:
I'm an average husband at best that neglected my wife causing her to have a brutal affair and now I have to heal through that just to get back to where I was, and then make all kinds of life changes to improve her life. Where upon, maybe, she'll love me as much as that other cheating A-hole.
This sucks.

ok so ive see a lot of negative horror stories here on reddit about getting off zoloft so i would absolutely love to hear some success stories and positive outcomes PLEASE 🙏🏽
For clarity on my situation, i began zoloft a year ago exactly. I was in a very bad place mentally after my junior year of college and felt emotionally numb and overall depressed through the whole school year. I began getting depressed about college ending the upcoming year and feeling lost about what my post grad steps would be. after sharing this with my doctor i could prescribed zoloft (25mg) and have taken it for a year now.
Plot twist tho‼️ a few weeks after beginning zoloft, my endocrinologist diagnosed me with hyperprolactinoma (excessive prolactin being produced in brain causing little to no dopamine to be produced in brain.) Soo it turns out my depression was a result of a lack of dopamine in my pituitary gland and I have since been taking medication to regulate those hormones.
That said, my depression and reason for getting on sertraline/ zoloft was very situational and due to underlying health problems. So my psychiatrist recommended I can taper off of zoloft when I feel ready. I am in a better place now and am really excited for my post grad plans and exciting move to a new city with a bunch of my college friends and am very happy about the future.
About 1.5 months ago I began to cut my pills in half and take 12.5 mg every day for a week, then every other day the following week, then to once a week and finally I haven’t taken it in about 5 days now.
So please, if anyone is reading this, please share some positive insight and experiences or encouragement so i don’t psych myself out!!

I (35m) just recently moved to a new area for a job. It was announced via an email I was starting and arrived and I happened to notice a familiar name of my ex. Well after some quick digging, I realized it was in fact my ex. Long story short we dated for about 8 months 2018-2019. We met at another job (different departments completely and no overlap) and then were long distance after two months. I was in grad school and she'd come to see me often. She was trying to find a job to be closer. After spending Christmas together, I started to develop feelings for a visiting PhD student. There was emotional cheating. I realized I wasn't committed to my ex and when she came to visit on the second day of the visit, I told her I wanted to end things, but left out the emotional cheating. it broke her. She tried to ask what happened, but I was a coward and said I needed a break. She kept talking to me and eventually went NC. Well PhD turned around 2 months later did the same thing. I reached out to my ex and she let me back in, but eventually I was a coward again. She called me out and went no contact. Haven't heard from her since.
I had no idea she was working here. We are in two completely different divisions and basically separate entities. There's no overlap. We got introduced again and she acted like she didn't know me. I decided to call her out in front of my supervisor that we did know each other cause we dated. Her response was and I quote "We did, but that was a long time ago. We're both changed people and don't know each other now." Since then, there's been whispers about what happened.Apparently she's been mum about it and keeps telling folks, it's water under the bridge. She will speak to me cordially out and about, but she doesn't hold too long of conversations. It's been annoying to me.
I decided one day to ask her if she was going to act normal around me and she asked what I was referring to? I told her she needed to make more of an effort to be civil to me and stop causing gossip at work. She asked if I could give her an example of when she wasn't civil and I said she wasn't interested in holding a conversation. She then told me that she has spoken to me, but she's not going to go out of her way to divulge info about herself and we don't need to form a close relationship. She said she has moved on, but she needs to fully leave me in her past and we can keep it professional and civil at work, but she's not interested in building a closer relationship. It's very childish, but I talked to my buddy and he's not seeing my side of stuff.

Hi i’m 23F got out of the military last year and I have a lot of shit wrong with me physically and mentally. So about 2 months ago I felt a small lump on my right upper breast. I shrug it off because there’s always something going on with me. Figured it was hormonal or I hit it or something. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago I felt the lump and it felt like it was larger and more firm so I called my dr and she wanted to feel it to rule out what it could be. I went Tuesday and once she felt it she immediately said she felt it and we could go ahead refer me to get mammogram and ultrasound. I’m freaking out because I’m constantly touching it and realizing it’s still there and i’m not making it up. I dont want to sound crazy but I’m pretty sure my brain is tricking me into really believing they will find cancer. I just don’t want to feel alone in this.

My insomnia popped up on March 28th and me nor my doctor(s) are able to pinpoint a cause. No anxiety. No apnea history. No major stress or trauma. No previous med/drug use. No depression, no prior sleep issues in my life. 8-10hrs a night was the norm.
I essentially lost my ability to sleep completely that night, and then went 6 days awake before checking in to ER. Since my ER visit, I am surviving on minutes of sleep per night.
Drugs tried that don't work: Mirtazapine Doxepin Seroquel Lunesta Risperedone Hydroxyzine Melatonin Thc/cbd/cbn Rozerem Ambien Zyprexa Lexapro Vitamin B12
How do you live on minutes per night? I have no idea what to do at this point. I feel like my body and mind are unraveling slowly. I cant even enjoy life anymore. I've never been sùıcıdal, but I've certainly felt like dying at times in the past 2 months.

So I've struggled to eat even enough to maintain my weight since I was a teenager. One issue is that eating can be so boring.
This gave me an idea, what if I made it a little more fun to set up a plate?
You see, if something is fun or "cute," I'll actually use it. So I bought a couple of the kids' plates with the separated segments, as well as a kids' bento box to make meals to take with me to work.
(Also I'm weird and don't like food touching other food haha)
What I do is put a variety of textures and more than one color of food on this plate and count up the calories to make sure it's a good amount. Then I give myself until I go to bed to finish the plate off. I usually set it up two or three hours before I plan to go to sleep, and I'll either turn on a movie or play a video game to distract myself from thinking about the fear of things getting stuck in my throat that I have. Usually I end up finishing the plate in less than half an hour and then end up eating some extra stuff. And if I don't finish it that fast, then I don't have to stress myself out over finishing it right away so that I don't associate this with unpleasant feelings.
Now, some people would look at this plate and think I'm trying to lose weight. I've been accused of being anorexic because these are the foods I prefer to eat.
But, what these people don't realize is that I can easily fit between 600 and 800 calories on this. The sunflower seeds (1 serving) are 180 calories alone, and the two slices of cheese that I broke up into 8 small pieces to put on the crackers add up to 140(not counting the crackers btw). Even if I didn't add the rest of the stuff on the plate, that is still a decent snack. And I often add a drink that can range from 100 to 200. Also this is by no means the only thing I eat in a day, and sometimes I fill up the plate two times in one day when I'm off work since I have time in the morning and evening.
I've finally gained weight in a healthy way in part because of this. I have so much more energy, and overall just feel better. Would recommend it to anyone who thinks it may help them!

I’m really lost for words as I type this but I’ll try and keep it brief. My husband and I had a secret Nikkah where his family was not aware or present as they were against him marrying me and were trying to force him into a cousin marriage (more details on previous post). We got married in February and he left shortly after for 2 months to go America to visit family. It was supposed to be 2 weeks and he cancelled his return after we had an argument and delayed his return for 2 months. When he came back we were supposed to tell his family and move out but he delayed this because of a family emergency. Time went on from August until November and we finally found a place and I had said he has to move out by the end of the year because I couldn’t keep waiting. I moved out once everything was finalised in December and I put the whole flat together myself because he was really immersed with family matters and didn’t have the time to help out. He then didn’t end up moving out till February because his family keep trying to convince him to divorce me once he told them about our marriage, so I was alone for about 6 weeks in the flat. We lived together for 2 weeks before he had to go Pakistan with his mother because his grandad became really unwell. They booked him a one way ticket with the intention of keeping him there indefinitely (in my opinion to cause issues with us) but we booked him a return after 2 weeks and his mother stayed. He promised me at this time he will never leave to go away from me again after he saw the way it affected me and my mental health, he said that if he had to he would take me with him if necessary. He came back just in time for Ramadan because this was our first Ramadan living together and I really wanted him to prioritise me for that time. He currently doesn’t have a job but has been applying for jobs since the time he moved in, I currently take care of bills/rent etc for that reason. I work 12 hour shifts - 4 days on, 4 days off but I changed all my shifts around during Ramadan, working 8 hours with no breaks (05:00-13:00) each day to ensure I was there for each Iftar and Suhoor with him. I’d come home from work and spend time with him before cooking Iftar for us in the evening. He would also visit his family during this time to open fasts with them but they continued to slander me and encourage divorce between us. This is ongoing till this day.
I’m writing this with a heavy heart because I’m feeling a bigger rift between us than ever before. He’s told me he’s going to be going Pakistan again because his parents keep asking this of him. He states his mother and aunt are alone in Pakistan without a male figure and that they need someone there. They have been there by themselves for almost a month now I believe. He’s also been away from me to cover for his family business after a passing in the family for the last week and a half so in addition to this he’s now going to be going away for a minimum of 2+ weeks. He has the option of commuting from our flat to the shop but it would take slightly longer and I suggested he go to his parents so he can spend time with his siblings/nieces to try and repair the relationship and because I know he misses them a lot.
I went into really severe depression when he left so soon after our marriage and was away for two months and since that time I’ve had a huge insecurity about him being away because I don’t trust that he will put me first and come back in good time. In this situation now I’ve said I’m firm on him not going Pakistan because he only went recently and he has a brother at home who is unmarried that can go if it is imperative. His dad went Pakistan a week ago and returned yesterday but didn’t stay with his mum either. I feel extremely alone and isolated, none of my siblings live close to me and I don’t have a strong relationship with my parents. Being away from him is so difficult for me, I feel so uncomfortable in our home alone and further to that I just feel so alone. I feel like he doesn’t understand or comprehend the responsibilities of a husband if he’s so comfortable leaving me alone so often. I am constantly extending olive branches to his family to try and build a relationship with them but they’ll always shut it down and continue to advocate for divorce, his mother especially. He admitted that he thinks previously when he went to Pakistan that part of the reason they tried to keep him there was to create distance between us but if he knows that then why does he not see the impact this will have on our marriage? I’m starting to lose the person I once was. I feel so unhappy and taken for granted. I am constantly trying to do things for him to make him feel special or happy because I know things have been difficult for his family. I dress up for him and surprise him, I booked us a holiday away for his birthday/our anniversary. I cook and clean around the house despite working full time. I feel so heartbroken. He knows how much this affects me but he puts me through it anyway. I love him but I don’t know how long I can keep feeling like I’m in a one sided marriage. I would always consider him and prioritise him and make rational decisions but I don’t think he can do the same and I’m so lost.
I would appreciate any and all advice on this; sisters if you’ve experienced something similar, brothers if you can give insight on the train of thought?

I’m moving back in with my parents to make things a little easier for myself (and for them since I’ll be paying them rent and they won’t have to drive to help me with things when needed.) I’m insanely lucky that my family is supportive, even if they don’t fully understand.
Unfortunately, moving is brutal and I overexerted myself yesterday. I woke up at 5am this morning with nausea, chills, aches, and a sore throat. Today my family is doing the moving and I’m laying down and just watching. I want to help, I feel so guilty just laying here while they do all the work, but I feel awful.
Honestly I started feeling like I was starting to heal from ME since it’s been a while since I’ve had a crash, but I guess I just have a relatively high threshold and have been doing well pacing myself. I work full time and don’t really do anything else anymore in order to stay within my limits.
Just a rant. This illness takes away a lot of physical abilities but it really messes with your mind, too.

Hey guys, I would love to hear opinions on what I got going on right now. This doesn't have to do with my ex but actually a different girl I was talking to shortly after my relationship had ended. I'll just jump straight into it. It's gonna be bit long, but for those of you who stick it out, I greatly appreciate it.
So, 6 months ago in November my ex broke up with me. It was a 3 1/2 yr relationship. About 3 weeks after the breakup, I decided to ask out a girl who was in my class at the time. I genuinely actually liked her as a person prior to the breakup. She would just come hang/study with me every day before class, and I genuinely enjoyed being around her. I had no intentions of getting into anything with her but one time thought to myself that if I wasn't in a relationship I would totally ask her out and want to get to know her on a more personal level.
Well, low and behold, I was dumped and now actually had the opportunity to ask her out. Idk what I was thinking at time that made it seem like a good idea to go straight into dating after coming out of a 3 1/2 yr relationship 💀. But she said yes to going on a date. I told her we should wait till after finals, which she agreed to (we were in the last 2 weeks of the semester at that point, and the workload was crazy).
In this time, though, I was still in a lot of pain from my breakup and hurting. My ex was constantly on my mind. I was very emotionally unavailable to this new girl. I think to the point where she probably started having doubts by the time we finished the semester. I tried planning 1 date with her, and it didn't end up happening. It was around Xmas though and she had a lot of family stuff going on, which I understood. After Xmas passed, she messaged me apologizing for how busy she was and said we'd figure something out. I told her that was cool and just to let me know when she had time in her schedule. She said that was cool but never reached out about specifically about a date. But in this time her and I would message each other on instagram. We gamed online a little as well.
Once February hit and we hadn't gone on a date, I finally realized okay this is not going anywhere, and I was still deep in my healing process. Reality hit and I could see how not good the situation was that I was in. I never had told her about my breakup either. So by mid-February, I had lowered the amount of interaction to almost little to none hoping it would die out (terrible idea, I should have just communicated to her properly like an adult). But she would still send me stuff on Instagram, so I assumed okay is she still interested? So I messaged her and asked if she was still interested in going on a date, which she said yes to. I told her, though, that I wanted to talk to her over a call to talk about something important. I was going to be straight up to her about my breakup, which I felt was very important for her to know about if she were to invest anymore time into me. I didn't want to talk about it over text, though. She said she was busy atm so I told her it was okay and to let me know when she had some free time to talk. She said okay and I left it at that. I refused to take anything further without having that talk with her. She never reached out about the call but sent a reel here and there. I stopped replying to her and it finally just died out. I told myself I needed to just focus on me.
Fast forward to now. It's been 6 months after my breakup. I haven't had any contact whatsoever with my ex and could care less about anything that has to do with her, her life and what she does is none of my concern or business. I also haven't messaged the other girl since February. I've been committed to heavy personal growth and have detached and healed properly from my breakup. I've been working on my unadressed traumaus, attachment style, and anxiety by doing countless hours of workbooks, courses, and watching videos addressing my mental health and teaching me important skills that are required for a healthy relationship. I now feel like I am truly ready for another relationship.
Looking back on the situation I had started with the other girl, I feel so bad. I had no business asking her out at the time. I was completely in the wrong doing it. I was emotionally unavailable to her and probably came off like I didn't care much. She probably felt lots of mixed feelings cause of my mixed emotions and lack of effort/interest. And quiet frankly I don't blame her at all for how she was acting. I would be acting the same way in her position, having to deal with someone like me at the time.
Since then, I have run into her in person a few times, and we had decent short interactions. I would love to try again with her but properly. I just don't know if it's worth it. I already had put her through a rollercoaster, and we weren't even in a relationship. If I were to start up something again with her, I would want to have an actual conversation with her, apologize, and be straight up front about everything before moving anything forward just to clear things up (if she would even be open to the idea).
So I guess my question now would be, should I reach out to see if something can work? Or should I just leave it be? I don't care about being rejected, I'm just more afraid of disturbing her or making her upset or uncomfortable by reaching out. What's your guys' honest opinion and what would you do in this situation?
Thanks again for those who took the time read through all that. I greatly appreciate it :)