Would you be willing to share how you first became aware of 30 Rock?
Watched from the beginnings - NBC preview probably?
Promo for show premiere on nbc
I’m old! Watched that shit when it premiered
I was first aware when the news hit that Tina Fey was developing a show with Loren Michaels that would star her and Rachel Dratch.
My brother, who has the best taste in all things, recommended it to me.
On tv
watched w parents when it was first airing
my brother recommended it
On my Newark to Atlantic City Flight
I randomly chose it as something to watch on Netflix while I was running on the treadmill...after a couple episodes I was like WTF is this??!
Trailers on NBC
Don’t remember
Butt stuff
Watched the show during its original run on NBC. Now touch the peacock!
When it premiered on NBC
I saw the episode where Tracy makes the Jefferson trailer when I was like 12 or so and my friend told me it was funnier than family guy
Back in high school! The episode where Tracey says don't make me show you the back of my hand and there's a sticky note that says 'please be nice to me'
Buying episodes on iTunes back in 2009
during season two my friends were making jokes from the show
Thursday night line-up on NBC when it first aired
Friend showed me
It was on tv
Original run
I first watched it when it aired on NBC back in the day
When it aired
The television commercials while it was on air
Tina Fey
It was just playing on the TV in 2007
Found the season one dvd set at Walmart back in like 2008, got hooked immediately
Heard it mentioned on US tv
Honestly don’t remember!
Would follow Tina Fey into a poorly set trap
I kept seeing great reviews for its first season and picked it up sometime during season 2 while it was airing.
Commercials for it while it was on
Series premiere
I got a free episode on iTunes. I’m pretty sure it was the MILF Island episode. I went back to the beginning and was hooked immediately.
By being alive when the show premiered
I happened to click on it on Netflix and was excited by the lack of laugh track
Stumbled across it on NBC. F-ed up scheduling meant I missed episodes. Thank God for streaming. I've been through it at least 7 times
By watching television..?
I literally can't recall, but I've done dozens and dozens, if not hundreds, of complete rewatches.
Older brother introduced me to it
Tv
Was an acting major and was low key in love with Tina Fey.
I’m a boomer (30) so I watched the show when it originally aired because I loved Tina Fey. My middle school crushes were Tina Fey, Gopher, and Kermit the Frog
NBC Thursday nights, we peacock comedy
I was super broke in my early 20s with no access to broadcast TV, but just got a Roku and Netflix - and there was the glory that is 30 Rock. It was my comfort show while dealing with my now ex-husband being deployed while my kids were very young. It was my comfort show during my divorce (and for my older kids, too). It will always be my favorite show of all time.
When it was on Tv I watched it.
A friend recommended it to me after season 2 and have been hooked ever since.
My momma
When vacationing in Zvenborgia
Caught it on broadcast TV. Have since watched it several times on streaming
I think I actually saw it on tv a few times but once it was streaming, constantly.
Decided to watch it when it was on Netflix
Mickey Rourke
Thought it was 3rd rock from the sun and mistakenly watched it
When Season 6 began I was in college and decided to binge the series since I liked the other Thurs nigh NBC shows!
Advertised in the blah-bar, while I was Consuming Lunch And Simple Socializing
When it was on network television
Netflix binging in middle school- was one of the first shows I was ever obsessed with
Sure, if I remembered
I'm old and watched it when it was on NBC!
Friend
Forced to watch it while visiting my gay bff in San Francisco
it was filming around the corner from where i worked as a new college grad
The TV
I think I saw an episode on an airplane against my will
No
Worked in it as an extra 1st season
It was on the television
It was working at the Dyker Heights Arthur Treacher and I was residing there
I love every sitcom pretty much, esp from that era of nbc
Watched it on NBC when it aired!
When my students kept saying “blerg” and “I want to go to there”
By being over 10 years old and seeing it when it was on TV? Do your parents know you're polling nerds?
Live tv
My bestie, the living embodiment of Liz Lemon (but fully lesbian, not just with the bi-curious shoes) was a yuge fan, and I fell into it by osmosis.
I don’t remember
On a PLANE if you believe it
Through a friend of mine, she told me about how good and underrated it was when it first came out.
Watched on Netflix in grad school, quickly became my comfort show
Cougars episode was free on iTunes
Watched it as it aired live
Friends
Friend recommendation
High school friends group
Nixon came to me in a dream
Got lucky
Netflix
I’d heard good things about it. I didn’t start watching until it was way after it ended, though.
Following Tina Fey from SNL
Watched it live
iTunes free episode of Blind Date
My now partner!
Watched when it originally aired
Hulu?
A friend of said “Meat is the new bread!” And I cracked up and then asked for an explanation.
My college roommate got me hooked when it was airing, s1. We both were (are?) in love with Jack donaghy
College roommate watched it, so I watched it as well.
OG viewer!
My sister was watching it on TV and I came in and decided I had to watch.
My brother watched it back when I was in high school
Netflix
A friend said I'd love it. She was correct.
I love Tina Fey. Tina Fey in 30 Rock. I watch 30 Rock.
Thursday night line up on nbc
BFF told me to watch it
Watched it since iTunes offered “Blind Date” as a free download in 2006
I think it was on tv after something
Television
Thursday nights on NBC
My mom use to watch it when it first came out
My mom watched it and I would be in the room while it was on
Watching the television
Blur my face. Blur it more.
I watched it while it was airing
I think it was on Hulu? I don’t recall watching it on air. Idk 2010 was a long time ago.
On tv at the time
My partner showed it to me
Commercials back when it premiered!
Yes
I watched it when it first aired on tv.
Television
I don’t remember
Boyfriend introduced it to me
During the season 2 writers strike I saw something about it and immediately downloaded all of it.
I watched it with my family as it aired
The Show: not many options back then. The Reddit Group: showed in my home news list.
Watched it in high school with my parents. We were watching tv and turned to something with Alec Baldwin and we were like “oh what’s this?” It was Jack-tor and his filming of his video got us all laughing. We were hooked.
Tv
My wife
Friendly recommendation
Best friend showed it to me, and then I read Bossypants
Randomly saw it on Comedy Central when I was in college and enjoyed it
Watched as it aired
It was on TV
NBC
The Pirate Bay
I was/am a fan of Tina Fey and Jane Krakowski (I used to belt along to her Tony-winning “A Call from the Vatican” from Nine to warm up when I was in drama club in high school) and binge-watched the series on DVD several years ago. I recently rewatched it from the beginning on Peacock (and hunted for the missing/retracted episodes elsewhere)
Through a college friend
Was on after the office
When it aired originally in the 2000s, i.e., on NBC
I've been a fan of Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan for years, so when I heard they were making a show, I was there for it on day one.
T.V. Commercial (pre-streaming)
Gave it a go YEARS ago due to love of Tina Fey
Been too long, don’t recall
Www.jennasside.com
On TV when it first aired
A guy I dated 10 years ago showed me 30 Rock
Am a fan of SNL, Tina Fey, and Tracy Morgan and watched every episode the nights they premiered.
I would be willing to, yes.
It came on after The Office, and then became my favorite show.
Sure :)
It was on tv
No
It was on NBC Thursday night, their comedy night. I always watched.
When I was a kid, my parents watched the office when it was on right before 30 Rock. They didn’t watch 30 Rock, but they’d leave the TV on for background noise. 30 rock came on after bedtime for me, but I was a curious and devious 9-year-old, so I would sneak out of bed and watch the living room tv from the upstairs landing until I got caught. The furthest I ever got into an episode was about 10 minutes and I always wanted to watch more of the show. As an adult, I finally got the chance to watch full episodes, and I’ve watched the series through multiple times since.
The show started when I was in high school and my friends loved it. That's how I knew about it, but I didn't actually watch it until a couple years after college when I saw it on Netflix.
Friends in college
Da pilot
Someone I am no longer friends with introduced me to it in college
Notification on my Gadzorp
Friend introduced me
It was on at a friends house and I saw Jenna’s wet mouth that she never fully closes say she was voting for Osama, then Liz fainted and I was hooked.
From a friend
Saw it live
Season 1
My High School English teacher always referenced it while it was on live in the mid 00s.
I don’t remember
D’fwan is my pet stylist
Okay. Uh, open on the covent garden flower market.

The year... 1892!
[ Cockney accent ] Flowers, flowers for sale!
legit can’t remember
Watched the original run of the show years ago.
Started watching on NBC as a teenager!
Watched it when it was on air
Friends poster in college
it was what was being aired on nbc, i didn’t have a lot of options
Used to watch it on Thursday night prime time
Tina Fey is from my hometown- I watch everything she’s in.
Watched the premiere when it aired
I just finished community and someone said this show was similar
When it first aired
My then-bf (now husband) introduced me
Watched on tv
My dad showed me when I was a kid
television ads
What am I? A farmer??
I classify myself as a Lemonhead and love everything that Tina Fey makes.
Started watching when it aired
On tv
Word of mouth
I'm old enough to have seen every episode live or the next day on TiVo. Hey whatever happened to TiVo? Beep boop bop bop bop
Watched when it aired!
Saw it as it aired on cable back in the day
My girlfriend now wife.
Watching the last few minutes of it before The Office
Probably just surfed to it on tv
I honestly don’t remember. I know I watched it all through college, but I think I just watched it because it was on NBC Thursdays.
Watched it on NBC when it premiered cause I loved Tina fey on SNL!
My brother first season
Netflix algorithm suggested it and never went back
Bathroom ad at Teterboro airport
It was on TV
Watched it when it aired live because I’m quite old
Saw it on Hulu in 2008
I liked Tina Fey on SNL and began watching her new show. 30 Rock. Thursdays on NBC.
Tracy Jordan referenced Basquiat in an early episode and a friend of mine who’d seen the episode told me about it because I have Basquiat’s artwork tattooed on me.
Tv show
It took 3 attempts after the show was off air and on streaming but I eventually got past episode 4 or so and it finally clicked and I’ve been obsessed ever since.
Watching with my best friend in high school
NBC
I watch all the nbc sitcoms - but this became my fav
Tv
On tv back when it went on the air in 2006
Watched first episode live on tv
Watched first episode live on tv
My parents
Yes
Husband introduced me
When it aired on nbc
My wife started watching it and convinced me to try it.
I was doing a study abroad program in the South of France and was frantically torrenting any American show I could because of the homesickness. I watched the first episode of season 1 and was booked before she had finished giving away all the hot dogs. Binged through all of the first season (I'm originally from the Cleveland area, so all of the Cleveland positivity toward the end had me giddy!) and then season 2 began and I faithfully got the episode every week... Then the writers strike happened :(
I watched the first season AT LEAST 25 times through before I came back to the USA. And several dozen more times (plus all the other seasons) since!
Mom recommended it
I've tried to figure this out before and I literally don't know.
When it was announced Tina Fey had a show
Plain old tv advertising…in 2004
My BFF watched season 1 and 2 when they aired and told me to watch it. We were juniors in college.
Ex
My boyfriend
Watched it when it first came out when NBC was not tanking it
A friend told me about I
Watched new eps on primetime NBC back in the day lol
Netflix suggestion
Ad during a MILF Island commercial break
A YouTube clip of that background joke where Yo-Yo Ma was called to the stage for the Muffin Top song.
Gifted 1st season DVD
It was on Netflix when Netflix first started offering streaming
Yes, I don’t remember
Tina Fey
It was on TV
My best friend showed me the clip of Moonvest saying “show me your fingernails” and I was like “no THANK you! This is NOT the show for me” then she made me watch a few episodes then I was like “yeahh”
I was looking for something with a decent amount of seasons to binge.
Watched while it was first airing
By watching it when it was on real life regular network tv
No
On tv, dummy
Unknown
I watched it as it aired.
On cable television
Yes. Later seasons on their original air dates.
I watched it when it first came on.
My brother bullied me into watching it and I’m glad he did!
My ma
Thursday night tv
NBC Thursday
I don't remember how I first became aware of it, but I do remember after going through a breakup, watching it on my laptop on Netflix every night and falling asleep feeling better.
TV
Saw a glimpse of an episode air on tv and got hooked. Immediately binged first 4 seasons to catch up and continued from then on.
My friend introduced me to it in 2011 and I have been watching it every night since to fall asleep
I don't even remember, I just know that it's one of the greatest shows of all time.
Syndication on my television
I was introduced by my nutritionist and his elderly son.
Love Tina Fey from SNL, watched the original airings
No clue
Came on after the office
Friend
My parents watched it. I was 7 years old when the show started, and watching it actively by the time it ended when I was 14.
promos on NBC
Television
Kimiko taught me that
I was a fan of Tina from SNL. Heard she had a new show. Watched it. Love it.
My dad was watching it in the living room
One of my best friends showed it to me in College
was recommended to me because I like SNL
I was wee TWINK when it was on TV
yes.
Friend's shirt in high school that said 30 Rock
Original run
When it was on network prime time. The good old days.
It was on Hulu
It was on prime time baby! The golden age of tv!!
Saw a clip of Tina Fey dancing with a mustache on tv, looked it up
“got caught with 30 rocks the cop look like alec baldwin” -kanye west
Stumbled upon it on Netflix in ‘15
Watched live when it was on cable
TV
I have two eyes and a heart don't I?
It was on after Parks and Rec on the TV so I decided to record that too cause I'd heard good things about it. Have loved it ever since
On a plane
Ex boyfriend
Watched the early seasons as they aired while I was in college—you never get over the media of those years!
I discover 30 Rock when I purchased my first television set in order to watch SMASH. Turned out there were other worthwhile “programs” available to enjoy on network television including 30 Rock.
Popular gifs I've seen in 2013-2016. Such as the "fellow kids" one or the "What am I, a farmer?" one.
Was a fan of Tina on SNL and was excited when 30 Rock was announced. Watched it live on NBC from the pilot through the whole run
Like 15 years ago in high school
I was aware of it in college when all my Sorkin loving friends said it wasn't as good as Studio 60, but I didn't watch it properly until years later
Les Moonvest
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don’t remember! But I think it was right before the last season came out
I needed a break from German sitcoms
Tv
Watched it live
On Reddit
No
It was on the TV and I couldn't look away because there was a waterbug on my channel changer
High school friend
Boyfriend
I cannot remember but it was during season 2
Decided to watch it after enjoying other more recent Tina fey work
In high school, a friend suggested i check out Parks and Rec. But 30 Rock came on after and changed my life.
TV, back when it was on.
From Ace of Cakes
My wife showed me the Leap Day episode
My friend watched it while it was on tv. I think I jumped on board late. Maybe around when s6 started airing.
just scrolling mindlessly on netflix during winter break of 2013 and the rest is history.
A friend recommended it.
Friend in college suggested it - that was around 2009
nbc
I first watched it when it was airing—I read articles about this upcoming Tina Fey show.
Yes
Pretty sure it was on after Donny and Marie.
I don't remember, I think I just have it a shot on Netflix
OG tv watching
Shove it up your goonhole
I heard of it in some preview of new shows for the fall when it first came out.
I don’t remember
Thursday night NBC ads
Family member told me about it
Friends
It was on TV. I turned the TV on and it was there on NBC, on Thursdays, right after Bitch Hunter. But for real, watched it when it originally aired in tv because it’s whatcha ya do.
Through a sibling, due to my love of Tina Fey
No
It used to be on the same night as the Office and Parks and Rec, it was NBC’s comedy night. I came to lust after Steve Carrell and I stayed to lust after Jack McBrayer.
My mother and I started watching it together while it aired (I was in high school)
Randomly got a recommended post from the subreddit, opened an untold world of opportunity
An online review during the first run of season 3.
Friends in 2015
Watched when it originally aired
binged the whole first season on nbc.com in 2007
7th grade math teacher
Yes.
I can’t remember. Some combo of it being on Hulu and living in nyc while having friends of friends that were on the show.
I honestly don't remember, I started watching it during covid because I needed something new and heard it was funny
Watched it when it originally aired
I started watching it when it came out on TV. And then obsessively re-watching it once it started streaming.
I saw it on the television and thought it had a very similar name to 3rd Rock from the Sun
It was on tv. Watched it from the get-go!
Can’t remember!
It came on after some show and I caught the episode with Argo the peacock. Idk why, but I found it charming and funny. I searched for the show afterwards and haven't looked back.
My current boyfriend got me into it
my mom
When I bought the season 1 DVD after it being recommended to me
...tina fey, nerd. im a millennial.
Watched it by mistake
My mother watched it as it aired in NBC
My fiancé said her parents loved it.
the creation of netflix streaming. also my parents maybe

I (35F) want to leave my abusive husband (32M combat veteran) so badly but I don't know the best way to do it. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm begging for help, insight, any reassurance...
He says he used to have major anger issues but I never thought he would take them out on me. He has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury which makes his moods unpredictable.
I talked to his ex two days ago and she said he shoved her once, put his hands around her neck during a flashback, and also had a gun pointed at her during a flashback. He said they were engaged but she insisted they never were. She also said he was supposed to pick her up from the airport one time but he texted back saying he couldn't, because he wasn't sure if he was going to do something bad to her.
His abuse started when we moved in together while we were still engaged. I found out he had been on Onlyfans at the beginning of our relationship and just shortly before we got married... I was angry but I downplayed it and thought I could get over it. All it did was cause massive trust issues that have never healed and never will. He was subscribed to one of his exes and he also messaged one of the girls asking to meet just shortly after I stayed the week at his place for my birthday.
I spiraled mentally once the anger phase passed (severe depression and anxiety) and told him what I saw. He tried to deny it but when I said I knew his "pictures" he caved and said he wished I never told him and punched the headboard of our bed. He's my only source of comfort so I went to him countless times telling him I was still struggling with my trust issues and worried about whether he was still looking at other women, because he is subscribed to tons of women like that on Instagram and Tiktok. I started snooping looking for any evidence I could get so I could finally convince myself to leave him.
Everytime I confronted him about what I saw he made excuses and flew into a rage at me for snooping, screamed in my face, threw objects and furniture around (including our wedding rings and he broke my engagement ring in the process), punched walls, threatened divorce, demanded me to leave, or walked out without saying where he was going which made me call the police one time to look for him. I blamed myself because I was the one snooping and I told myself how would I feel if my partner constantly snooped on me? I blamed myself for everything and still kind of do. But he says it's his fault I'm like this and he just has to deal with the consequences.
Other times he says he has changed and it's my fault for getting in my head all the time, that my lack of trust is always so hard on him, and that my depression and anxiety are constantly dragging him down even though he says he's doing everything right to make me feel better. When I come to him to talk he usually sighs or treats it like a chore.
He says he beats himself up everyday for what he did and has apologized multiple times. But I never see any true regret. He told me "everybody else gets over their problems, why can't you?" He says he went through so much worse in the military than I have ever gone through and he got over his problems, so why can't I? That I need to "unfuck" myself and "everybody has depression."
One day when he came home I was feeling very low but he was in a bad mood already and he came at me, screaming that he's getting tired of me always being down and threatened divorce. I asked if he hated me and he looked at me and said in a really frightening way "if I hated you you'd be dead." That crushed me. Another time I got mad and said I was this way because of what he did to break my trust and he screamed at me multiple times to STFU, "waaah waaah waaaah you're always a Debbie downer" and threw in my face "you have no friends." He said he was done with the marriage but I talked him into staying because he has me so convinced the problem is me.
Other things... rough/forceful/demeaning sex... always saying "fuck you baby" in a cutesy way as a way to interact when we're doing our own things separately... slamming a controller down on my knee accidentally because he flew into a rage over losing a game... continuing to yell and saying he wasn't allowed to express anger even when I said it was scaring me... telling me once "I don't THINK I'd ever hurt you" (physically)... almost never helping with house chores and shopping... using me for money even though he makes more than I do with his disability payments... insulting my mother who helps us financially... trying to kick my cat one night when he couldn't sleep.
He's always so mean and critical of complete strangers when we go out and he acts like a macho narcissist who has everything figured out and he knows the right way about everything, like someone who is super opinionated to an obnoxious extent.
There's more but this is the worst of it all.
I read Lundy Bancroft's book asking myself if he's really that bad because 90% of the time he's good and loving. I know what I'm involved in and I know how much I've trauma bonded with him. But I've reached the point where I wake up every day in panic and despair knowing I'm still here and I want to get out. I already tried to leave before with a go bag and my cat but he talked me back. Some days I still try to convince myself the good times are worth staying for because I'm exhausted and I just want a good day for once. I've been miserable for months but I'm a pressure cooker now just waiting to blow. I'm falling apart.
I know I'm going to talk to a divorce lawyer and at least see if I have a case to have him evicted through a PFA. In that case he would be moving back in with his dad but he'd be close by. I could get the locks changed but I wouldn't put it past him to stalk me and try to hurt me (PFA or not -- he is suicidal anyway and has a lot of contempt for laws and the police), vandalize my car, or try to break into the apartment to hurt me or my cat. I don't even know if I would still be happy here where all these bad memories happened. And I wouldn't feel safe for myself or my cat everytime if I left the apartment.
The only other option is moving back in with my alcoholic narcissistic mother (my abusive alcoholic scizophrenic brother lives with her too) who doesn't know how to provide emotional support and hasn't been supportive at all throughout this marriage except financially. I would have to live in her garage, trust her not to let my cat loose if I go out, and make multiple trips back to my abusive husband still in the apartment to get all my belongings and furniture. He doesn't work, he's on school break now for summer so he's always here. I know I can get a police escort but they're not going to wait around for me to pack up the entire place. Almost everything is mine.
My husband might even just volunteer to leave and move back in with his dad like he has done before. I might not even need a PFA. I'm more afraid he'll try to hurt me if I actually get one versus if he just left by himself. I also don't know if he would offer to leave then just try to come back and hurt me before I could get the locks changed. The landlords constantly ignore the residents so I'd have to wait days or weeks for a lock change. Our lease ends next March.
I don't know what to do. All I want is to be by myself again with my cat in a safe place and it seems like no place and no escape plan I can come up with is entirely safe or secure. I'm at a loss but I can't keep living like this.

Human Dave glares groggily at his holo-display through squinted eyes, which shows the face of Commander Beckett, who appears well-rested, and eager to speak to Human Dave.
Human Dave: "... this couldn't wait until the waking hours, Sir?"
Commander Beckett: "Doesn't feel good being woken up this early, does it, Anders?"
HD: "Ugh. I get it. I won't call you when it's this late ever again, Commander."
CB: "... anyway, how are you feeling?"
HD: "Well, I was very happily sleeping after dealing with the point defence systems, since some of them decided that they had enough after 60 years of no maintenance. And then, the damn Nutripaste Dispenser AI decided to ask for a complete overhaul of the internal systems, which I also worked on, despite our differences."
Human Dave sighs heavily, and runs a hand through his hair; briefly stopping when his fingers get caught in his hair, and tug at his scalp, before untangling them from his hair.
HD: "But then, I got a call from a very important person who couldn't seem to wait until the waking hours to contact me."
CB: "Well, we needed to talk about the alliance you've managed to get for us, and Terran High Command has 'requested' all relevant information regarding what exactly you did to broker this arrangement."
HD: "... just Terran High Command, huh?"
CB: "... fine. Terran Space Force has all but demanded that they get priority for weapons from the greatest weaponsmiths in the galaxy. Not to mention every damn authority in the galaxy now salivating at the thought of allying with the one species that actually managed to broker an alliance with Sartellia, not just a working relationship like the Galactic Community has got."
HD: "I sent you the damn recording, as well as an extremely detailed written report. How much more do you want?"
CB: "Terran High Command wants everything. Every single impression you had of the experience, every single thing you felt and saw on the planet, every little bit of information you can possibly recall from the moment you set foot on the planet."
HD: "... you want me to give you a report on my feelings?"
CB: "Sartellia is the only place in the galaxy that is capable of producing Sartellian Steel. Terran High Command wants absolutely every advantage they can get their hands on."
Commander Beckett takes a breath, then sighs lightly before rubbing his eyes.
CB: "Plus, I do blame you for the past few sleepless nights that I've had to take to get everything ready to announce to all of Terra that you've, once again, forged yet another alliance with a powerhouse that could set us forward by another hundred years almost solely in weapons technology; not to mention every other possible avenue of advancement."
HD: "Don't you have a First Officer to do that for you?"
CB: "Stream is a good kid. A little green, and far too eager to please, but this is a bit too big for him to handle."
HD: "What's he like? Stream, I mean. You didn't say much about him."
CB: "First Officer Amadeus Stream. Graduated top marks from the Academy. He's a pathological people pleaser, or so he'd have you think."
Commander Beckett taps on his holo-display, and Human Dave receives a request to switch to an encrypted channel.
Human Dave looks questioningly at Commander Beckett, and accepts the request.
CB: "I'm almost certain he's been planted on board to keep an eye on things, but I'm not sure by who yet."
HD: "Who would want to keep an eye on the Trailblazer? I mean, I get it. It's the flagship for humanity, and the most powerful vessel made by humans, but it's a bit much to think that anyone in authority would go so far as to plant a spy, let alone one in such a prominent position."
CB: "True. Can't help but feel a nagging suspicion about it, though."
HD: "Next you're gonna tell me he was responsible for the mess on the Trailblazer as well."
CB: "I highly doubt that. No one could have anticipated exactly what happened there, let alone controlled those things."
HD: "You still haven't told me what happened. I do remember you saying you'd tell me later, but you never got around to it."
CB: "... I don't want to think about it. I'll just say it was bad enough that I'm seeing a therapist to help me come to terms with it."
Human Dave stares at the image of Commander Beckett with a shocked expression.
HD: "... the great Commander Beckett going to therapy? Now I've seen everything."
CB: "... stupid of me to think I'd get sympathy from you of all people, Anders."
HD: "This is a big deal, Commander! You didn't go to therapy when you got divorced! You outright rejected the very idea of therapy when your kids wanted to try and reconcile with you, and now, you've done a complete 180 on it."
CB: "Ex-wife didn't kill my crew when she was divorcing me."
HD: "The job was your life, Sir. No one told you to neglect your personal life in favour of us."
CB: "You guys needed a competent commanding officer. I could see the job slowly killing you all, and did everything I could to help all of you get through it alive."
HD: "Sir, you're a workaholic. Have you even taken any time for yourself after whatever happened to make you go to therapy?"
CB: "Haven't had time, Anders."
HD: "Well, make time, Sir. You need time to grieve, as well as get your head on straight. Why do you think I went and signed up as a mechanic and engineer?"
CB: "... remind me again how that worked out for you?"
HD: "It's a Hell of a lot better than the wetwork I had to do when I was a Specialist. And yes, there are some bits of this job that I'd rather not have gone through, but I wouldn't change any of it!"
CB: "How's the therapist, by the way?"
HD: "Still having it twice a week, Sir. As it turns out, I've got a lot to unpack."
CB: "As the one who was with you for most of that, I'm not surprised in the slightest. I'm just stunned that you didn't go to therapy long before now."
HD: "Getting over the drinking was an issue, as well as the guilt. I mean, I know it wasn't my fault, but..."
CB: "You still blame yourself for what happened to her."
HD: "It was my fault that she was even there, Sir. If I hadn't requested support..."
CB: "You'd be dead if you didn't. And I'd have to put up with her whinging instead of yours."
HD: "... I don't whinge, Commander."
CB: "Sure you don't. And I do recall telling you dating one of your co-workers would end badly."
HD: "Wish I'd listened."
CB: "You don't mean that."
HD: "... no, I don't. It just eats away at me thinking about it. The end result of the mission wasn't worth losing over half the squad."
CB: "That's why I quit the position and left with you. The intel we got was spotty at best, and they still sent you in, knowing that you were going in blind."
HD: "... looks like we both have a few things to unpack, Sir."
CB: "You really have a gift for understatement, Anders."
HD: "I'm surprised you only learned about it now, Sir. We've been working together for years."
CB: "I suppose you don't actually talk like this to your therapist, do you?"
HD: "I try, but he doesn't make it easy."
CB: "Good. Glad someone can make you act somewhat professionally, even if it is for a little while."
HD: "God forbid I actually talk professionally. He just has a way of getting under my skin. Doesn't actually say anything I don't know about already, but it is a bit confronting having him practically reading my mind."
CB: "I know the feeling. He's very good at what he does."
HD: "... please don't tell me you got the same therapist that I have."
CB: "You practically strong-armed me into getting therapy. So, why wouldn't I choose the same one that's helping you?"
HD: "I just suggested you talk to someone. Never told you to choose my therapist."
CB: "He's a professional, and comes recommended for people like us. War veterans and the like. People who've been in combat situations and haven't been able to cope after the fighting stops."
HD: "... you don't see this as a sort of invasion of privacy?"
CB: "Why would it be? We don't talk about you, Anders. I have my own stuff to deal with, and you have yours. There's no conflict of interest here. And besides, there's nothing that says we can't have the same therapist. It would actually be easier on him if he were familiar with both of us, since we've both gone through similar things, just from different sides."
HD: "I don't recall you working for the Peacekeepers."
CB: "You know what I mean. Same side, different perspectives, and all that."
The conversation is interrupted by Captain, who sticks his head into Human Dave's quarters.
Alien Captain: "Ah. My apologies, Human Dave. I was not aware that you were taking a call."
HD: "That's alright, Captain. I think we're about done here anyway."
CB: "True. Just remember to send that report ASAP."
HD: "... yes, Sir."
The holo-call cuts out, and Human Dave turns back to face Captain again.
HD: "What did you need, Captain?"
AC: "Doctor was wondering when you were coming. She is eager to start the movie nights again, and has been waiting for some time already."
HD: "Oh, I totally forgot. Did you guys decide on what you wanted to watch?"
AC: "Doctor mentioned that she wanted some context regarding aquatic creatures of your cradle-world, whereas Quartermaster requested to continue that extremely lengthy fantasy series with the many subspecies of humans."
Human Dave chuckles to himself.
HD: "Never would have taken Quartermaster as a fan of Tolkien, but to each their own. What movie did Doctor choose? You said aquatic animals?"
AC: "I believe that the title was 'Jaws?' Doctor stated that it looked like an informational film. If it is titled after a piece of anatomy, would it not teach the audience about the rest of the creature?"
HD: "... sure. Jaws does teach a bit about anatomy, but it might be a bit confronting, since it does show at times the kinds of damage those jaws can inflict, but you should learn plenty about the anatomy of a shark by the end of it."
AC: "What is a 'shark?'"
...
Captain, Doctor, and Quartermaster sit speechless as the end credits roll.
Doctor turns to face Human Dave, which causes Minnie to slip off of her lap.
Alien Doctor: "Human Dave."
HD: "Yes, Doctor?"
AD: "I was under the assumption that this would be an informational film."
AC: "As was I."
HD: "... are you saying that you guys didn't learn anything from it?"
Quartermaster: "That is beside the point, Human Dave. Why did you not mention the fact that this film was of the horror genre?!"
HD: "Well, technically speaking, it's a thrilleadventure film."
AD: "Semantics, Human Dave! How long were you going to maintain this deception?"
HD: "Well, it wouldn't have been for very long. You'd all have figured it out pretty quickly once the movie began, and, what would have happened if I had told you guys it was a scary movie? Would you just have refused to watch it, or would your curiosity have gotten the better of you?"
QM: "... personally, I would have preferred the sequel to the fantasy series."
HD: "We'd still be watching it if we chose that one. There's, like 6 movies in that series, and every one of those movie are very long. It's good to have some variety in the kinds of things we watch, I think. Besides, you all didn't hear me complain when you wanted to go through all those martial arts films and TV series'."
AC: "You had complaints with those films, Human Dave?"
HD: "Well, no, but I have seen them all before, since I'm something of a fan of that genre, and knew you guys would all want to watch after I hyped up Bruce Lee a while back."
AD: "... I still prefer Donnie Yen."
HD: "Regardless of Doctor's sexual preferences--"
AD, interrupting: "My what?"
HD: "You heard me. Regardless of all that, did you not learn things from those movies and TV shows?"
AC: "I will admit that they were informative. Especially as they have solidified my resolve to never enter the oceans of your cradle-world, Human Dave."
HD: "Sharks aren't supposed to grow that big. They only made it that way for the movie. But I wouldn't recommend any of the sequels from the series."
Human Dave chuckles to himself.
HD: "None of the sequel films did well. They tried, but they could replicate the success of the first one. Besides, it's only one creature in the oceans that you know about. At least you didn't ask about any of the Piranha movies."
AC: "What is a piranha?"
...
Human Therapist: "It's been a little while since we last spoke, Mr Anders. Anything new to tell me?"
HD: "Well, I may have traumatised the Cradelians on board by showing them a movie that had a lot of dangerous aquatic creatures in it."
HT: "Aquatic creatures? Please don't tell me you subjected them to one of those awful sharks in tornadoes films."
HD: "No. It was Jaws, actually."
HT: "A classic. Nice choice."
HD: "It was actually Doctor who chose it. She didn't know it was a scary movie; she thought it was a documentary style movie that was meant to teach people about sharks."
HT: "Well, I assume they learned something?"
HD: "Yeah. Apparently, Captain doesn't ever want to go into Earth's oceans."
HT: "That is understandable. There is much within the oceans that is still unknown to us surface dwellers. And the Deep Humans can only explore so much."
HD: "... I wasn't going to mention it before, but you've changed the way you talk in a big way."
HT: "A conversation point from your former Commander. You tend to take things easy, so I am attempting to match your enthusiasm and drive. It makes it easier for you to let your guard down, and truly speak what is on your mind."
HD: "... isn't there meant to be some form of confidentiality between your patients?"
HT: "Yes. And I have not broken that confidentiality, Mr Anders. Anything I learn from a single patient is meant to be confidential, and I have not disclosed any information between myself and Commander Beckett to you, other than his understanding of you."
HD: "... still seems a bit suspicious."
HT: "Do you have a better understanding of Commander Beckett's issues than before our conversation started?"
HD: "... no, not really. I would like to think I know him well, but I haven't really tried to get to know his problems or anything yet. Especially whatever he went through lately. He's been tight-lipped about it."
HT: "If I were to comment on that, it would be a breach of doctopatient confidentiality. All I will say in regards to this is that it was bad enough that a workaholic war veteran decided that therapy was the best course of action to deal with his situation."
HD: "... well, at least he never used drinking to cope with it."
HT: "Speaking of, how long has it been since you have imbibed alcohol?"
HD: "Close to a year now. I know, I know, I shouldn't have done it, but I needed to unwind, and it was very early on when I started working with Captain. I was in an unfamiliar situation, for away from everything that I knew and was accustomed to, so I decided that I needed a drink."
HT: "Did any of your past issues affect your experience with the alcohol?"
HD: "Not really. It's horrible of me to say this, but I think about it less and less now."
HT: "No one gets over the death of a loved one easily, Mr Anders. Especially one you worked alongside so closely."
HD: "It wasn't just her. Practically the entire squad died because I couldn't do what I had to."
HT: "From the reports I received, it seemed a situation that no singular person would have been able to resolve. And, from what I recall, infiltration was your mission, not open combat. It was the primary reason why you were chosen for the mission."
HD: "Doesn't make it any easier."
HT: "Specialists are a rare breed. They focus on a single aspect, and master that to such an extent that it would be unreasonable to expect anyone else to be able to measure up to the same standards. And you specialised in infiltration, which made you uniquely suited for the mission."
Human Dave cradles his head in his hands, and remains silent.
HT: "I know that you went through an unreasonable amount of training after the mission ended, and tried to master everything else, but Specialists are not meant to be masters of every situation. You are not synthetics. Nor are you robots. You are people like any other; just with more survival skills than everyone else."
HD: "..."
HT: "You are not actively forgetting about them, are you?"
HD: "No!"
HT: "You are thinking about them less, though, yes?"
HD: "... yes."
HT: "And you feel it is a disservice to them? That you thinking about them less often means you are dishonouring their memory?"
HD: "... I don't know; maybe?"
HT: "... how do you think she would feel if she saw you like this?"
HD: "... she'd probably kick my arse, and tell me to get over myself."
HT: "And the rest of the squad?"
HD: "... they'd probably drag me to my feet, and push me to keep moving until I was okay."
HT: "Do you think that you are dishonouring their memories if you could say what you just said with as much certainty as you did?"
Human Dave looks up at the therapist with confusion.
HT: "You remember them. To the extent that you would be able to determine exactly how they would react to your current state. This is not dishonouring their memories. This is you remembering every one of them, and acknowledging that they will always be a part of you."
HD: "... as far as words go, those were kind of cheesy."
HT: "They made you feel better, did they not?"
HD: "... they did. A bit, at least."
HT: "Inevitably, the best words are the ones you cling to when life gets difficult."
HD: "Sounds profound. Who said that?"
HT: "I did."
HD: "No, really. Who said it?"
HT: "Is it so hard to believe that I could come up with it?"
HD: "I mean, maybe? I don't know. It sounded good, so I thought you might have taken it from someone else."
HT: "Therapists generally have decent amounts of wisdom, after having seen just how people are capable of thinking. Plus, some of us have experience seeing the worst sides of humanity, so we tend to be somewhat eccentric, wich contributes to that wisdom."
HD: "I guess so."
HT: "Now that I mention it, I do have another appointment in about 5 minutes, so we'll have to pick it up from here next time."
HD: "Okay. I'll talk to you later, then."
HT: "Until next time, Mr Anders."
The holo-display disappears from in front of Human Dave, and he sighs in relief, after leaning back into the chair in his quarters.
His body had become tense from maintaining the same position for too long, and does not protest the movement.
HD, to himself: "It's hard to think about it. I guess that's why I don't."
Human Dave stands up, and digs through his photo albums, until he finds the one that isn't labelled.
Human Dave opens the album, turns to a specific page, and just stares at a particular photo.
The photo is one with many people staring back out at him.
The focus of the photograph is a younger version of Human Dave with his arms wrapped around a young human female.
The pair are surrounded by many other humans, all wearing combat fatigues, and smiling for the camera.
Human Dave chuckles a bit, and runs his fingers over the image of the woman beside his younger self.
HD: "Doesn't mean that I don't miss you every day, Hayley."
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Season 4 was probably one of the more hard to watch seasons and that says something since we have seen colts personal journey on here as well.
Jamal just overall gives daddy issues & insecurity whenever he has to bring up Tim. Luisa airing out their sex life or lack of thereof I thought was very childish/ thirsty. I find it so interesting how such a pretty woman can have such a unlikeable character. They more or less had WE HAD SEX written on their forehead so acting coy helped absolutely NO ONE. Veronica was insanely weird for dating someone like Jamal but hey she was sexless with Tim for 3 years so she's used to weird shit. I feel like when we put the daughter in the mix the obvious differences between Jamal and Veronica are showcased heavy. Girl needs to end it with the spawn of kimbawlly and find a mature man with her lifestyle they exist girl , you just gotta stop putting that tinder age at 21 and move it up 🤣 In sum kinda glad both tim and veronica (fingers crossed) ended it.
Chantel was a hot mess but she always has been. I think she just doesn't know how to be like a live laugh love girly , she wants to crash course every relationship and she gets surprised why her mom has some outlandish ass requests when it comes to her relationships. It definitely felt like that greece trip showed just how lost and confused she is. I think she honestly needs to stay single for a bit and just enjoy life maybe snip the umbilical cord first before she can actually obtain a healthy relationship. You just met the guy and you're already in tears for him. I will say no pantygate was unnecessary and miss debbie needed to mind her business she sounded like a dated broken record and I can't believe she tried kissing chantels ass in the end like she wasn't shaming her every second her old ass could.
Tyray although sweet every damn time the poor soul opened his mouth I could see why he has been a virgin for so long. The giggle does indeed get tiring my friend. I will say his story was the hardest to sit through cringe wise. I do find it sweet that he had somewhat of a happy ending.
John and Meghan I kinda see working not gonna lie. Although it seems rushed , john is an older man and maybe being around her daughter and her more often has really solidified that he wants a family now. I think patrick was being more of a crybaby this season and pretty judgmental however I believe it's kinda fair considering how john himself acted when Thaiz first came into the picture. John honestly probably was more open to having children of his own after being around his brothers baby. I do find it very sweet how accommodating he has been with her daughter and I don't know how they(patrick & thaiz) cant see how good of a dad he would/could be.
The mIsS dEbBiE arc is tiring , I don't care for someone who was willing to marry a 23 year old moroccan wannabe rapper. Ruben seems like a nice dude , but it definitely feels like all if this was pure and unaltered tlc screenwriting. Julien being so worried about his mother getting scammed since he's out here doing the same thing. His relentless attacks to ruben were so childish and tiring , throw the whole man baby away. Cosplaying as a cop with lil baby rap chips in full view not 4PF at all. Also that weirdass sign off lady tangerine did to veronica and mama debbie was almost as cringey as the outfit she was wearing.
Tim is Tim per usual , I feel like he was straightforward and Luisa just wouldn't get the point because she's used to having men drooling at her feet like jamal. And it definitely was a get back at tim the hotel sex but the thing is this would've hit if tim hadn't already made it known he wasn't interested in her. Desperate enough to continue trying to get him jealous after getting dismissed over and over is wild, especially with jamal. Tim doesn't like him because he's a fuckboy and time waster , if anything they did him a favor of not having to hear about veronica-jamal related drama anymore. The trash took itself out.
And natalie, I sympathize with the fact that she is in the united states all while her home country is destroyed. Being stranded in all of places like LA with no job or prospects must definitely have a daunting feeling. However, I find it very messed up how everyone attacked Josh. From the look and sound of it he's a very generous man who got way in over his head with Natalie. She is very dismissive of other people's emotions but wants every man in her life to be receptive of hers. Her mom is also a force to be reckoned with , having a mother like that breathing down your neck for a grandchild must be driving Natalie insane. Might be a unpopular opinion, but I definitely feel like the only way Mike was ever gonna get that divorce was this way. And a little interesting to add Debbie deliver it but they definitely were right in the aspect that is better that she gets it from a friendly face than from a sheriff. I also found it wild that out of everyone it seemed like mIsS dEbBiE was the only one losing it over a situation that had nothing to do with her.
bonus peeps
Caeser , I forgot he was there ngl.
Mama Debbie I definitely have never been a fan of. Other than some random outbursts towards josh she was pretty level headed. She was definitely right , lying about your age is very lame at their big of ages. But she also did not deserve mIsS dEbBiE trying to age shame her like they arent 3 years apart, yall all practically the same age and both look it. I felt a little bad because she probably did feel shitty after seeing natalie react that way since they are friends but It was definitely very nice of mike to stand up for her even though he put her through that.
and that's a wrap on the not so single life !

I (35F) have rewritten this so many times. It's just hard to get all of my feelings out. I apologize for this being long.
I was very low contact with my father for many years. He and my mother had a bitter divorce when I was 18, and he found his current girlfriend Debbie when I was 20. Without going too indepth, he was physically and mentally abusive my whole life until I moved out when I was 20.
When the pandemic hit, he started calling more. With the state of the world, and me being now in my 30s, I was more open to communicating with him. We very slowly would communicate, with me setting very firm boundaries with conversation topics. He would occasionally violate them, scream at me, he'd go in time out, and then he'd be good for a while.
When I met my husband Victor my father was actually excited for me. Spent time trying to get to know him over the phone. Was happy for me. When I moved in with Victor, my father actually apologized to me for everything he'd done. For the first time in my life I felt heard and validated by my father. He apologized for treating me like trash in favor of my siblings. He apologized for all the horrible things he did to me. And I cried. I felt validation and relief like I never had before. And I was then completely open to a relationship with him again.
When I got engaged he was thrilled. He asked if he was walking me down the aisle, and I had told him no. It didn't really feel right to me, and I wasn't having bridesmaids or groomsmen so it made sense to walk by myself. No one in my family was ever there for me, so why wouldn't I walk towards my next chapter alone like I did my adult life? He was disappointed but was OK with it. I told him we can have a dance if that was good with him, and he agreed. I told him everyone on my mom's side was excited to be able to see him again after so many years. Him and my mother have been cordial for years at this point, so there was no animosity.
He set up a dinner and had me and Victor over. It went very well. I was actually feeling positive about everything. We made plans for him to meet Victors parents. It was a big deal because we had to travel to a different state to bring them. We made plans to make the trip, and coordinated everything.
The week before the meeting, my father wanted to cancel. He said Debbie was having an exploratory surgery and she wouldn't be recovered in time. I said we had already made these plans but that's OK, and asked if we could just drive by and he could just step outside his home and say hi. Victors father (who is in his 70s) was having an extensive surgery himself, so it was important to meet him now before he had it. He begrudgingly agreed. When we pulled up, I was surprised she came out with him and looked completely fine. No bandages, walked fine, no indication of anything. I thought that was odd, but who am I to judge? They both came out, said hi, and we moved on.
He made plans over the course of the next few months. Every time, the week of, he would cancel. The excuses started pouring out: his friends car broke down and he needed to lend him money (we offered to pay for dinner but they declined), Debbie was have exploratory surgery again (how many can one person have?!), Debbie had a Dr's appointments that he just found out about, they have to take the car to the shop, etc. Lies he had told over and over again, some he reused from when I was growing up with him and I knew he was lying. His favorite lies were always medical.
He wanted to treat me for my birthday in the summer, but that never happened. After we had to reschedule three times I said just forget it, we'll see you at the wedding. He started to be drunk on his phone calls again. Started being argumentative again. But he was excited for the wedding! He was going to make a nice trip out of it with Debbie and stay a few days.
Three weeks before my wedding I got a phone call from Debbie (they share a phone). As soon as I picked up she demanded to know why I didn't tell anyone that the parking garage next to the hotel we had a room block in charged $25 a day to park. I was dumbstruck because firstly, I had no idea that the hotel didn't comp that - we live local to the venue so we were just going home after the wedding. Second, it's a major city - of course they're going to charge. And honestly $25 isn't that bad for the city. Thirdly, why are you calling me to complain about this? No one else had. I can't exactly change it.
I told her I had no idea, that no one else who booked at the hotels had told me, and that $25 was actually a pretty good deal. I told her that if they couldn't afford it, it wasn't that big a deal - maybe they only stay one day, or because they only live an hour from the venue they didn't have to stay at the hotel. The venue itself has free parking.
She hung up on me.
We were getting married on Sunday in early November. The Tuesday before the wedding, I got a phone call from my father that I missed because I was having an emergency Dr's appointment due to having been in the hospital the day before (stress from everything exacerbated a prior medical issue), and instead received a text.
The text said he wasn't coming to my wedding. That Debbie was having exploratory surgery and they couldn't come. That he would still send a card.
I knew then that he was lying as he had lied the whole year. I texted back begging him to come. I wanted him to come, it wasn't about money. That I'm his daughter, and this was the biggest day of my life. To come for even an hour! Debbie would be fine for a short time, she has family that could watch her for a couple hours. He didn't have to stay! He replied that it's not a contest of whose more important, and he was surprised at me.
I gave my wonderful Victor my phone while I was sobbing. I couldn't respond, I was hurting and devastated. He articulated a text, showed it to me for approval then sent it. It said basically, very politely but firmly, that if he couldn't spare a couple hours of his time to see me on the biggest day of my life, then we will go back to no contact and I will never again speak to him.
My mother (whose her own story for another day) even called him to scream at him for what he was doing. She knew his lies too, and called him out on them. He said "don't worry she'll still get a card".
I kept him unblocked up until mid morning the day of my wedding. Not one message, not one call. I was so upset and angry. He had raised my hopes of having my father be there for me then killed those hopes without a thought. I blocked him the day of my wedding.
My wedding day was absolutely perfect. It was everything we wanted. I felt a little sad right before walking down the aisle, and some friends who didn't know about my father asked me where he was. But other than that I didn't even think of him.
It wasn't until after Thanksgiving that I thought to check my blocked messages. He hadn't sent me one message the day of my wedding wishing me luck, nothing. But he did send one message on Thanksgiving. To summarize, it said "Debbie will always come first! You should understand that."
I don't understand it.
I told my brother who still talks to him that he is dead to me, and if he asks - to tell him that. My brother thinks that Debbie is the one preventing my father from being with his family. I quite frankly don't care. He made that decision, and these are the consequences. He asked my brother "how much of a wave he made not coming" and my brother told him "a big wave. But I'm not talking about it."
So I made the decision my father will no longer be in my life, and I have so many emotions about it. But it's mostly relief, sadness and anger.
But I can't help but occasionally check my blocked messages now because some part of me just wants to know if he knows how badly he hurt me. Or if he even cares.
And some days I just want my dad.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life. AITA for erasing him completely forever going forward? Am I doing the right thing?
And no, we still haven't gotten that card. Got a Happy Easter text though.

So my wife and I are temporarily living with her parents (we had our own place before). One night several months ago, wife and I got into a huge fight that unfortunately found its way into the living room where her parents were and I was going on about divorce, etc. The next day, my mother in law went over to her son's house and explained to him and his wife all that happened. She came back later that night furious at my wife and I saying that it's because of us that now she can't see her grandkids because my brother in law and his wife decided not to bring the kids over anymore for safety reasons due to the "atmosphere". His kids were never there when wife and I got into it. I have seen my brother in law throw his wife's phone one day for being on it in the kitchen while his kids were there and they too have talked about divorce...but I'll come back to this later.
Now here's a little background info. As the uncle of my niece and nephew, I really don't spend enough time with their kids or everyone else when they come over, I'm always just in my own zone doing my own thing, but I'll help out when I'm needed. I'm just naturally aloof and very used to being independent. I do not speak with my parents because my dad was abusive who beat both my mom and I to the point she's called the cops on him when I was a child but yet she'll defend him and allow herself to be gaslighted because she's allowed herself to be dependent on him and plays both sides. My wife's side of the family is extremely Christian to the point that I find it fanatical, and I am agnostic atheist, a lot more progressive while my wife is Christian in name only to appease her family..but definitely not behind closed doors. Her parents definitely prefer their own son over her though. I've always had debates with my wife's family due to their holier-than-thou attitudes mostly coming from her mom and brother.
Anyways, my wife, her parents, brother in law+his wife, were all on my phone account. I ended up kicking the brother in law and his wife off my account as a result of him withholding the kids from his parents as far as coming over or dropping them off. While they have the full right to do so as their parents, I found it insulting, petty, and manipulative given the fact that his kids weren't there, I hardly spend any time with them, and not once has there ever been an issue where my wife and I did anything to his kids or argue in front of them. Not only that, but they drop their kids off often so that they can go on doing their own things while my wife's parents take care of them. However, I feel as if my brother in law has learned that he can manipulate his parents by withholding his kids any time there's an inconvenience such as his mom giving them an "unhealthy" treat or learning a bad word from his dad. He's excessively overprotective of them to the point that this man used to unplug the wi-fi at night to reduce exposing them to "radiation". His kids by the way have always seen me as the "cool uncle" with tattoos, etc. to the point that they would draw on themselves without me even trying to influence them as well as ask questions about why I had my ears pierced and so on. My mother and brother in law claim they're just curious and all, but the way they talk about it just shows that it's a burden on them, that it wouldn't be an issue if I was Christian.
Before I kicked them off the account, my brother in law spoke with his mom and reached out to my wife but never once reached out to me. I actually reached out to him asking him what the deal was with him not bringing the kids over or if he was trying to antagonize me. He doubled down, we spoke a bit of trash to each other, and I kicked them off my account. I reminded him that not once have my wife and I ever done anything to his kids and that he's not going to manipulate us like he does his parents. What pissed me off was the fact that my wife's mom was angry at both of us since her son said he wasn't going to bring the kids by anymore and I told her that her son is manipulating her and it's uncalled for. I felt that while he has the right to not bring the kids by, I also have the right to remove them off the account. I told my brother in law that he's a hypocrite for being concerned about his children due to the "atmosphere" when he needs to worry about him and his wife's more given the fact that he's thrown her phone across the kitchen one day for being on it and that his wife brought up divorce when we were all on a beach trip. Several weeks later they started dropping their kids over again as if nothing happened.
Since then, 2 months passed where we wouldn't talk and my brother in law reached out to my wife wanting for all of us to talk to reach a resolution. We finally got around to talking last night due to our busy schedules. As soon as my wife and I came outside to the living room, my brother in law greeted me and asked how I was doing which I completely ignored and got straight into talking. I explained to them that while they have the right to not bring their kids over, I have the right to remove them from the account and I'm not overreacting by it whatsoever given his initial reaction. I called them out on their hypocrisy about how he threw his wife's phone that one day and how his own wife was talking about divorcing him on the beach trip behind his back since he was being a debbie downer during the vacation and threatening to buy himself a plane ticket to go back home. I told him that I think he's full of shit because as much as he talks about us being family, he would have also reached out to me in the very beginning when his mom told him what happened and then him reaching out to my wife. If 5 people are involved in a crime, a court doesn't cross examine 2 of them, but all of them. I told them that because they chose to act as if my wife and I are a danger to their kids all because we got into a fight, that they are not allowed to see my kids if I my wife and I have kids one day given his violent tendencies from throwing his wife's phone across the kitchen. Him and his wife said "ok sorry, we are ready to move on, but it's you who isn't". I told them that I don't want any apologies and that we can all still move forward, but separately and that just because we are family, we don't have to stay in touch since family is overrated, they have been capable of committing crimes against each other. I might as well think that way since he decided to think the atmosphere was "dangerous" for his kids since my wife and I got into a fight. He tried telling me I would understand if I was a parent and I told him he was full of shit again because not all parents are the same and not all divorces end with spouses lunging at each other's throats with knives. It was entirely his assumption alone and it would have only made sense if his kids were there being affected. At the end, I told him he reaps what he sows and what goes around, comes around. I could tell he got offended/disappointed or upset by me wanting to move forward as separate families the way he turned around telling me disgustingly, "You know what all of this is to you? It's PAYBACK!" I told him, "It's not payback. If you don't pay your mortgage or loan, the bank will take your house. Does that mean the bank hates you or has a grudge?" They ended up leaving afterwards.
Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger then that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table. -Tupac
After all that, my mother in law got mad at me saying that I don't want any peace, only evil, and that it's the result of me not following Jesus. She was saying if my wife and I don't have kids, it's because we are selfish and that she could never depend on us to "bury" her one day like she can depend on her son and his wife. I rebuked what she said and told her, "People who consider it selfish to not have children are themselves selfish because they expect their children to take care of them when they grow old, as if their children are in debt and owe them. Marriage should be based on love, not children. If a husband or wife is paralyzed from the waist, does that mean that their marriage was a failure just because they can't have children? Women are much more than factories for producing children." and then I left to go on a drive.

Hello! I am struggling and I think this is a reversal of usual AITA posts, honestly. But I think I'm the asshole here.
So a few months back, my (F31) friend "Christy" got out of another bad relationship. I know she has a tendency to run into relationship after relationship and she needed something casual, and I suggested she not yet try a relationship. She seemed determined, so I offered an odd solution to her - my husband's(M31) friend may be an option.
Here's where it gets to be what i thought would be perfect. This friend, Dan, is married to Debbie, but they're openly poly. Dan was already a busy guy with work and life and school, so I told her if she can't go without a relationship, maybe looking into Dan nay be an option. At the least, Christy could make a new friend, and at most she has a FWB that isn't going to mistreat her.
Well, I fucked up. They hit it off perfectly. Debbie would talk poorly about Dan as a husband, so I really didn't think he was a great communicator or husband material, but turns out he and Christy can't stop communicating. Debbie and Dan had been having problems for years so I started checking in with Debbie just to see how she was doing, and she was always more happy with her boyfriend and talking poorly about her husband.
Christy, however, was seeing a very different side of things. What Debbie insisted they had talked about and agreed upon, I started to learn was all Debbie's ideas. When Dan disagreed, Debbie would take it personally and argue back and become depressed, and he gave up on disagreeing and just went with nodding his head. Christy had even uncovered physical abuse in the past, and not so recent past. She was uncomfortable telling me, but since I had helped her escape an abusive relationship she was concerned about why I was keeping quiet about it if I knew. I hadn't known before this.
Well, when the physical abuse came up, I told my husband. I had the same concerns about it as Christy - if he knew, why would he keep quiet while also helping me help friends who needed safety? We've provided resources, stored important documents in our fire safe, even a couch for a few nights. Why wouldn't he tell me?
So my husband didn't know either, but recalled when Dan had 2 black eyes and wouldn't talk about it. He avoided leaving his house as much as possible. So he talked to Dan a few weeks ago.
I ended up in an argument with Debbie yesterday and said some unkind things, but they were true. This triggered an argument between her and Dan, and Dan told her what he really thought of her, and how he dreads being around her because she's miserable and selfish and that's why he's never home and always finding something to do and oh boy.
Anyways. If I wasn't already feeling like a massive AH, I think I made it worse.
Debbie messaged me about some things I had mentioned, but not given my reasoning. I apologized for the misunderstanding that led to our argument and coming in hot, but she started basically asking for advice on what to do. I knew she was feeling lost and upset and this is where I think I went WAY too far.
Through our conversation, I purposefully sprinkled in things about how everybody deserves peace and happiness, and how I never felt my husband feeling that distant, etc etc. I straight up guided the conversation through to the idea of divorce in her brain, not mine.
I am struggling, a lot. They're going to be getting divorced now.
I feel like the world's largest asshole. On one hand, I'm wrecking the home of our friends. On the other hand, it sounds like at least together, they're not very good together.
On the OTHER other hand, I definitely did it because I want Christy to be happy too, and she and Dan have a shot now. But even if it doesn't work out between the two of them, I feel like Dan needed out of that house and that marriage, but after over 15 years he felt comfortable af.
Basically, when I called my husband, he said, "I also counseled Dan towards divorce and have been ever since we talked. We're homewreckers together. It's ok."
He and the other 2 friends I've talked to have told me I shouldn't feel guilty. But I do. I feel guilty af. Am I really not the asshole here, because I feel like I am!
EDIT: I have since discovered that Debbie has been planning on this since December...!!! So I have to admit, I do feel LESS guilty, but I feel less like it was the wrong choice too.
If it wasn't for the abuse, I'd have no reason to really want them to get divorced, but Dan's safety coming first is what really motivated everything.
My husband has always tolerated Debbie as his friend's wife, and is grateful he doesn't have to do that anymore. Debbie is continuing to talk about it with me because... well, other than the 2 friends Christy and I talked it over with (who don't live nearby, don't know Dan and Debbie, and are in it strictly to help hear about things), no one knows the details - except for Christy, Dan, Debbie, Debbie's boyfriend, my husband, and myself. Her boyfriend refuses to get involved, and my husband can openly despise her. She has... no one.
I do feel guilty, and I did apologize for my part in their fight, and she told me then about working on plans since December. I've been hearing from Christy about how she's been pushing Dan to remodel their house quickly, and I do have to wonder about that timing.

Did you know in 1974 at the District Convention the Society got "New Light" on how to treat Disfellowshipped ones? They relaxed their stand and you could have limited association with them but this was all changed and removed yet again in 1981.
Here is the truth about their "New Light"
My wife Debbie loved her real father, Robert Stillman, more than anything, even though he was dis-fellowshipped and lived three thousand miles away. The best times in her young life were with her father and not her mother. What a surprise.
However, if Debbie even said her father’s name in front of Elaine, she would get her face slapped. Bob left Debbie’s psycho mother back in the 1950s and married another woman. He was, of course, dis-fellowshipped. It was his only way out of his nasty marriage.
Say you are a Jehovah’s Witness, and you are in a really bad marriage. There is physical, emotional and maybe even sexual abuse going on. For many years, there was only one way to get out of this kind of hell: Someone had to commit adultery. That’s right. Of course, you could get a divorce for any reason. You just couldn’t get remarried unless one of you committed adultery. For decades, it has been the Society’s only provision that would allow you to get remarried.
Believe it or not there was a time when that was ONLY allowed if you had sex with someone of the opposite sex.
How about sex with someone of the same sex? Divorce was NOT allowed.
How about sex with farm animals? Divorce was NOT allowed.
For many years, sex with someone of different sex was the only scriptural grounds for divorce and the only way to get out of a totally toxic marriage.
Of course, this sounds crazy!
Kool-Aid, anyone?
This new light came out while I was at Bethel. In the Watchtower, Jan 1, 1972 issue, pp.31-32, a reader asked this question: Do homosexual acts on the part of a married person constitute scriptural grounds for divorce, freeing the innocent mate to remarry?
This new light will blow your mind. The Societies’ answer to the question was this:
“Whether an innocent mate would scripturally be able to remarry after procuring a legal divorce from a mate guilty of homosexual acts must be determined on the basis of what the Bible says (or what our current interpretation is) respecting divorce and remarriage. In homosexual acts, the sex organs are used in an unnatural way, in a way for which they were never purposed. Two persons of the same sex are not complements of each other, as Adam and Eve were. They could never become “one flesh” in order to procreate. It might be added, in the case of human copulation with a beast, two different kinds of flesh are involved. Wrote the apostle Paul: ‘Not all flesh is the same flesh, but there is one of mankind, and there is another flesh of cattle, and another flesh of birds, and another of fish.’—1 Cor. 15:39. While both homosexuality and bestiality are disgusting perversions, in this case NEITHER ONE IS THE MARRIAGE TIE BROKEN. It is broken only by acts that make an individual “one flesh” with a person of the opposite sex other than his or her legal marriage mate.”
Wow, there you have it. Your mate could be having sex with farm animals, but that does not break the marriage tie. So according to the wisdom and guidance from the from god's organization, a good Christian wife would have share her marriage bed with a goat or another man, if her husband wanted a threesome. With no recourse to her but comply.
You can't make this stuff up folks.
A few years later, guess what? After thousands of people’s lives were destroyed by the societies’ toxic new light, the Society changed its tune once again. What a surprise. Now you can get a divorce and remarry if your mate had sex with someone of the same sex or with farm animals.
Yes, the new light kicked in once again and canceled out the old new light. What do you think? Was it god who changed his mind once again? Or maybe god has nothing to do with the insanity that this organization puts out there!
Welcome to the Twilight Zone.
So, is it and surprise the society is doing everything in its power to get rid of all these older publications from public records. So people can't research the new light and the old new light.
Of Course sadly, many of the people who are dis-fellowshipped for adultery every year are not the abusers in the relationship. They are the victims. The abuser doesn’t want to leave god’s loving organization by divorcing their spouse. So, what they do is pretty much drive their spouse into adultery. This has happened thousands of times over the years. Is there mercy for the victims of this kind of abuse? No, the rules are clear; so, in the vast majority of cases these victims are dis-fellowshipped and shunned. Leaving the abuser in good standing.
After being dis-fellowshipped, the poor victims who what back into the insanity must to sit in the back of the Kingdom Hall for months or even years, waiting to be reinstated and accepted back into god’s loving fold. The adulterer doesn’t have to wear a large scarlet letter “A” on their clothes but, they might as well for how they are treated.
Moving right along. If we look at the story of my Father-in-Law Bob and his crazy wife Elaine, I’d say Bob made the right move in the question of staying married to Elaine or getting dis-fellowshipped. He dumped a bad marriage and a bad religion all in one move. Happy ending for Bob? No, because it would cost him his relationship with his only two children Debbie and Mike and of course all of his grandchildren.
A short time after her divorce to Bob, Elaine married Ben, and they moved 1,500 miles away to Ruston, Louisiana. After the move, she made Debbie and her brother write a letter to Bob. The letter said they had no desire to see him ever again. That was their mother’s idea, of course, sweet woman that she was. For poor Bob, it probably looked like this was his only future with his Jehovah’s Witness children.
Fast forward ten years and Bob would be getting a break in 1974, with this wonderful new light we got at the district convention.
After Roy’s wedding we drove to my parents’ house in Southern California. From there we went to San Jose for the long awaited reunion with Debbie’s Father.
Debbie was so excited to see her father, who she loved so much. The love I saw between those two was amazing. When they met, it was like a scene out of a movie. Father and daughter united again in love, after all these years. I found him to be a very sweet and kind person, nothing like Debbie’s psycho mother.
How strange to be sitting in his living room while we were showing Bob and his wife Donna a slide show of our wedding pictures. Bob had this big smile on his face, smoking his pipe. He was seeing his own daughter’s wedding for the first time—the wedding he was banished from and wasn’t even invited to attend.
I wondered what Donna was thinking. I’m sure she must have thought we were sick and sadistic people. We didn’t invite this poor man to his only daughter’s wedding. Then we came into their home and showed him the pictures of a wedding from which he was shunned.
I’m sure Donna couldn’t wait to join Bob’s old religion. The religion that brags about how much love they have for everyone.
We spent a whole week at their house. I’m sure Debbie was looking forward to having a relationship again with her long-lost father. I was looking forward to having a real father-in-law and not Ben the village idiot.
After we left Bob’s house, we had been in California for almost a month. We then headed to Idaho to see Gary Kennedy and his wife Ann Marie. Then we headed east again. After two months on the road, we were back in Rhode Island. We were broke and heading into our first New England winter with little to no work.
In 1976, Bob and Donna came to Rhode Island to see us. Debbie and her brother really put the sale on him to come back into the truth and the home of the new light. He just couldn’t do it. I think he was afraid. He was afraid that if he screwed up again, the love would be yanked away from him one more time. As it turned out, he would have been right. Plus, Donna hated Jehovah’s Witnesses for some odd reason. So how does one choose between his kids or his wife? This hell is experienced by many people in the same circumstances.
We had moved into a small bungalow across the street from Indian Lake. Bob and Donna parked their travel trailer on our property and stayed with us for over a month. We had a great time together during that visit. Bob and Donna left and headed back to California.
Debbie had grown up in Ruston and had known many people there. The two people who proved to be like parents to Debbie as she was growing up were JoAnn and Jack Needham, who basically started the Farmerville Congregation. I must say, I loved Jack Needham, too. I wasn’t real close to my MIA non-Jehovah’s Witness father. So, Jack was the closest thing I had to a real father.
Jack always had a smile on his face. He looked quite dapper with his grey hair and handle-bar mustache. He looked just like a Royal Air Force pilot. Come to find out, he had been in the RAF during the war.
Jack was a rebel, and he would receive more flack later on in life because he refused to shave his mustache. I found out later the only reason he had a mustache was to cover up some nasty scars he got from his plane crash in the war. Beards or mustaches weren’t allowed in the Society back then if you wanted to be an Elder or a Pioneer. Jack broke their rules about that, but they still made him an Elder. He was his own man.
The rules at Bethel are: you are allowed mustaches if you are Black, but no beards. If you are white, mustaches and beards aren’t allowed, period. Until the "new light" that is.
Anyway back to the Debbie and Bob reunion.
Debbie and I bought a little 1920s’ bungalow on Bernice Street in Farmerville.
In 1978, Bob came to Louisiana to visit us and our daughter, Kelly, his first grandchild. Because of the new policy changes, Bob was even allowed to go to his own son’s wedding in a Kingdom Hall in Louisiana.
Yes, the new light would allow for that sort of kindness now. This new light seemed very reasonable. Back then, I thought, who knows? - Maybe Jehovah is really directing things back at the headquarters.
At his son Mike’s wedding, Bob told Elaine what a great job she did in raising their children. It looked like maybe my church could be kind, loving and forgiving at times now.
But all good things come to an end. Just like the policy of sex with farm animals and divorce, god had changed his mind once again about how to deal with those who are dis-fellowshipped.
A few years later, the light got brighter. In 1981, the Society said we were going back to the “old way” or the “old new light,” which was not the “new light” they received back in 1974. This new light would, of course, cancel out the old new light of dealing with those who are dis-fellowshipped. We were all told we had to go back to the old way of dealing with dis-fellowshipped people by shunning them and treating them like dead people once again. This new light is still enforced to this very day.
Personally, I think and I'm just guessing, that this new light change about of how we delt with dis-fellowshipped ones, was because of what had happened to Ray Franz at Bethel. The timing was exactly the same.
The society didn't want anyone talking to people like Ray and the many others that left Bethel with him. These people had information that could seriously destroy the society's creditability. Of course they couldn't say you could have limited association with some dis-fellowshipped ones but not others. So, of course they went back to the old way of shunning everyone who left.
This policy would ending up destroying thousands of people's lives and my Father in-law Bob would be one of them.
One day in 1981, Bob called us up. We were living in Oregon then. Bob said he wanted to come up to Oregon for a visit, to see us and his only grandkids, my children. Poor Bob didn’t know about the new light yet.
I said, “Come on up Bob. We would love to see you.” Debbie grabbed the phone out of my hand and told him that he wasn’t welcome anymore and that he couldn’t come up for anymore visits.
Bob was, of course, very upset with the organization’s new light. This meant that he would be losing his family once again. For many years, he wasn’t allowed to see his own children. Then the Society gave him his family back. But now they had taken his family away from him for good.
Debbie wouldn’t talk or see him anymore, but thoughtful my wife did send her father a subscription to The Watchtower and Awake magazines. So now, at least twice a month, Bob would receive spiritual food in the mail from the people who kept taking his family away from him.
For some odd reason, the magazines couldn’t replace the companionship and love he could have received from his family.
I can’t talk to you, Dad, but please read our magazines. The magazines will tell you about how much love we all have in our organization. Sorry we are too busy drinking the Kool-Aid to have any time for you.
Really?
Bob never did visit us again, and we had little-to-no contact with him for many years. Because of the "new light" of course.
Robert Stillman, was a man with no possibility of ever seeing his children and only grandchildren ever again.
I have no idea what was going through Bob’s mind that night in 1993, as he set on his couch and picked up a .38 special from the coffee table next to him and blew his brains out.
Yes, one more casualty of the new light and the blood guilty Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society.
To this day, I don’t think Debbie or her brother Mike feel any responsibility for his demise. Why would they? My wife didn’t make the decision to shun her father; her church did that for her. She was just a good Christian soldier following orders.
However, I do feel responsibility. This is the second time in my life that I just stood back and did nothing. Someone I knew was suffering, to the point that death seemed like their only option.
Where was I? I just stood on the side lines and gave myself excuses.
They say a person is as much responsible for the evil he commits in the world as the evil he permits. That was me.
So I'm not letting myself off the hook. I'm blood guilty!
I'm not going to sugar coat this my friends, because I have been there too. The truth is, that everyday you are part of this nasty organization and stand back and do nothing when you see countless numbers of people around you suffering, you too are guilty as I was by my association, by my complacency.
The term “blood guilty” comes to mind. However, the Jehovah’s Witnesses use this term another way.
Since guilt is such a wonderful tool used by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, one of the terms they love to use is “blood guilty.” They have actually used this term to guilt their members into doing more and more Field Service. They have told us on numerous occasions at the Kingdom Halls and other major gatherings that a person could be blood guilty for not going out in Field Service activity enough.
The reason is this. Because you didn’t go out in Field Service on Saturday, Mr. Sinner never got a chance to hear the Jehovah’s Witness’s message about the coming destruction of all the bad people. Because Mr. Sinner never heard this message, it means there is a high probability he and his family won’t join the religion. Because he didn’t join the only true religion, he is still a sinner. Jehovah now has no choice but to kill Mr. Sinner, his wife and their two small children at Armageddon. However, even though Mr. Sinner and his family are killed by god, you are the one that is now blood guilty because you never knocked on his door in the first place. Now of course, Jehovah holds YOU accountable for their deaths! So even though Jehovah did all the killing, you are the real reason this happened.
Do you see the logic here? Let’s take this one step further. I stopped doing door-to-door work over twenty years ago. Does that mean all those hundreds of people with whom I never had the chance to share the message of salvation in the last twenty years will now die at Armageddon because I left the organization many years ago?
I guess I’m along with everyone else on the planet are blood guilty whether I’m in their organization or not. Confusing isn't it? I’m sure they will come up with some more “new light” about all this a few years from now.
Doesn’t this just sound like some form of insanity?
Anyway, back to Debbie and her dead dad. Debbie wanted to be with her father one more time, or at least part of him. She was nice enough to go to California to help Bob’s wife, Chloe, spread his ashes down a canyon wall. I wondered what Chloe thought about Debbie wanting to be with her father and helping with his disposal, now that he was dead, though she didn’t want to associate with him while he was living.
Let's face it, to people on the outside of the Jehovah's Witness club/religion, we must look insane!
Here is another crazy pill. Check this out.
At the time of his death, the only thing Bob was doing that wasn’t in line with the Society’s rules and regulations was smoking. He wasn’t living in sin or doing any other type of gross immorality, but because he left the organization back in 1958, thirty-five years earlier, he could no longer have association with his children or grandchildren.
Yet my father, who left the organization back in 1961, was still smoking at the time of Bob’s death. I’m sure my father was fornicating, stealing and just about anything else you can think of back then. Yet he could come up to visit his children and his grandchildren anytime he liked and did many times.
How could that be? How could he do that?
Because he was no longer disfellowshipped; he was reinstated back in 1965. However, after he was reinstated, he just dropped out for good, or faded away as the Witnesses like to call it nowadays.
Just one of the many loopholes and double standards that they don’t want you to know about. Another Catch 22.
This whole dis-fellowshipping and shunning policy was something that Knorr and Freddy Franz dreamt up back in March of 1951. At that time, Knorr gave the Witnesses the new light, which led to hundreds of thousands of people being dis-fellowshipped and thus shunned in the years to come. Dis-fellowshipping didn’t even exist in the first seventy five years of this organization’s history. The word itself, disfellowship, doesn’t even exist in the Bible.
Even though Knorr has been dead for over forty six years, his policies continue to kill people and destroy families to this very day.
How many lives has this cruel shunning policy taken? How many families has it destroyed?
The new light is funny stuff. Sometimes it gets brighter, then dark, then bright again. But one thing is true about the new light. It is never, ever wrong!
Right?
I guess Jehovah gets confused at times and just can’t decide which way to go.
Or on the other hand maybe god has nothing to do with the Society’s decisions.
What if eight old guys who call themselves the Governing Body back in New York are making this shit up as they go along? It kind of looks that way.
How could those eight guys and the eight million people they lead be wrong in their thinking?
I guess the same way ninety million Nazis could be wrong back in World War Two. It's easy once you are sucked in to go along with the program no matter how insane it is.
It’s amazing the crazy shit a few guys, meeting in a basement in a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania church back in the 1870's, or in a German beer hall in Munich, in the 1920's can come up with.
Seig Heil!
Like the quote from the movie Prometheus says: "Little things turn into big things"
Keith Casarona

After looking everywhere online and not finding a correct viewing order for the show, I created my own after rewatching the series. The list is mainly structured on keeping the continuity consistent throughout the episodes and evenly spreading out spotlight episodes (Character appearances, locatons, etc) if possible.
I'm confident that the first half of season 1 are in a suitable order, but the second half is more likely inconsistent in its continuity. Season 2 stays exactly the same aside from switching two episodes' places. Leave any comments if you notice continuity errors with this list.
Season 1: 26 Episodes
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem
Ep 2: Origami Tsunami/Donnie's Gifts
Ep 3: War And Pizza/Down With The Sickness
Ep 4: Newsworthy/Minotaur Maze
Ep 5: Repo Mantis/Hypno! Part Deux!
Ep 6: The Fast And The Furriest/Mascot Melee
Ep 7: Bug Busters
Ep 8: Shell In A Cell/The Longest Fight
Ep 9: The Gumbus/Mrs Cuddles
Ep 10: Portal Jacked!/Stuck on You
Ep 11: The Purple Jacket/Pizza Pit
Ep 12: Smart LaiHot Soup: The Game
Ep 13: The Evil League Of Mutants
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Sparring PartneAl Be Back
Ep 16: Mind Meld/Nothing But Truffle
Ep 17: The Purple Game/You Got Served
Ep 18: The Mutant Menace/Mystic Library
Ep 19: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 20: Man Vs SeweWarren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree
Ep 21: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man/One Man's Junk
Ep 22: The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek/Operation Normal
Ep 23: Snow Day/How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will
Ep 24: Cloak And Swaggart/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame
Season 2:
Ep 27: Many Unhappy Returns
Ep 28: Todd Scouts/Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Ep 29: Flushed But Never Forgotten/Lair Games
Ep 30: Breaking Purple/Repairin' The Baron
Ep 31: Air Turtle/Pizza Puffs
Ep 32: Sidekick Ahoy!/Always Be Brownies
Ep 33: Hidden City Job/Mystery Meat
Ep 34: Donnie Vs Witch Town/Raph's Ride Along
Ep 35: Hidden City's Most Wanted/Bad Hair Day
Ep 36: Fists Of Furry/The Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 37: Battle Nexus: New York
Ep 38: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind/Shreddy Or Not
Ep 39: Anatawa Hitorijanai/Rise
Here's an alternate version of the first season's second half:
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Mind Meld/Nothing But Truffle
Ep 16: Portal Jacked!/The Mutant Meance
Ep 17: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 18: The Purple Game/Operation Normal
Ep 19: Man Vs SeweWarren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree
Ep 20: Sparring PartneTurtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man
Ep 21: You Got Served/The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek
Ep 22: Mystic Library/How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will
Ep 23: Cloak And Swaggart/One Man's Junk
Ep 24: Snow Day/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame

If anyone wants an explanation as to why these episodes are ordered this way:
The 22-minute episodes are made to be spread out evenly (Ep 1, 7, 13, 19, 25, 26); there'll usually 10 episodes/five 22-minute episodes divided into two segments between each special.
In Bug Busters, as Big Mama talks about the recent mutants, a screen of all the mutant from previous episodes are shown; therefore, Donnie's Gifts, Newsworthy, Repo Mantis, and Mascot Melee are definitely before Bug Busters.

• Origami Tsunami mainly Raph's mystic ability from his tonfas; the ability is seen in the next episodes, so this directly follows up Mystic Mayhem.
• War And Pizza along with Down With The Sickness gives some spotlight for April and Splinter, since the rest of the list is crowded, the episodes can directly follow after Ep 2.
• The mystic pizza place appears in The Fast and Furriest, so Minotaur Maze takes place before that episode. And because there's no other place as well, Newsworthy and Minotaur Maze is Ep 4.
• Hypno! Part Deux takes place during Repo Mantis (from a phone call between April and Donnie), so the episodes are paired together. The episodes can be Ep 4 but the mystic pizza place's appearances would then be close to each other along with inconsistency in Hypno's introduction, so this'll be Ep 5.
• The Fast And The Furriest introduces the Shell Tank - built from the moon buggy in Repo Mantis, so the episode takes place after that one - and Mascot Melee includes an appearance of the tank, so the episodes will be paired together and be Ep 6.

Throughout Ep 8 - Ep 12, we're introduced to the Foot Dudes collecting pieces of Dark Armor. Those episodes will be spread out for consistency in their appearances.

• Shell In A Cell, due to a crowded list, will be paired with The Longest Fight, being Ep 8. Same also applies to Ep 9: The Gumbus and Mrs Cuddles, both episodes also have a somewhat horror-ish theme ("Ghosts"; Sentient Doll that grows off of fear.)
• Portal Jacked! swaps place with Al Be Back (usually paired with Stuck On You in the production codes) so Senor Hueso appearances can be spaced out. No continuity errors - to my knowledge - comes from this change. Stuck On You introduces Donnie's username/password/alias, Bootyshaker9000, and the Shell Hogs. A reference to Bootyshaker9000 is made in The Purple Jacket and the Shell Hogs are used in Pizza Pit, so those episodes must follow after Stuck On You.
• Smart Lair introduces Shelldon. Although there aren't any major continuity errors placing the episode before Ep 12, an inconsistency I notice is in The Purple Jacket: when Donnie shows off his tech to impress the dragons, Shelldon makes no appearance; therefore, Smart Lair would be paired with Hot Soup: The Game as Shelldon should've also been shown off yet wasn't.
• Episodes like Shell In A Cell, Smart Lair, Hot Soup: The Game, etc can't be placed after Ep 12 in order to spread out the appearances of the characters introduced in these episodes and maintain continuity.

I've binge watched the second half so this'll be far more inconsistent:

• No episodes of The Foot Clan collecting the Dark Armor can be from Ep 14 - Ep 18; those episodes have the turtles acknowledging the Dark Armor, something they're not aware of yet. Although, I did include episodes where the Foot Dudes and Cassandra appears because there's no mention of the dark armor in them. This does, however, lessens their impact in Shadow Of Evil due to them and Draxum now teaming up, leaving the audience expecting something grand from them, but then only seeing mundane appearances in Sparring Partner and Mystic Library from them.
• Late Fee is Ghostbear's second appearance; Bullhop evenly spreads out Big Mama's appearances - Bug Busters, this, and Ballad Of Rat Man are evenly spread-out episode wise - and a consequence of their actions in Bug Busters, creating Bullhop. This will be Ep 14.
• Al Be Back introduces Albeartoland; the only major continuities linked to this place I spotted some few episodes later is in Nothing But Truffle: Mikey and Meat Sweats, in a montage of their new friendship, eats funnel cakes. Funnel cakes, from what I remember, makes a season later appearance in Repairin The Baron: Baron Draxum discards his funnel cake in Albeartoland. This confirms that Albeartoland can't be after Nothing But Truffle, and because there aren't any major continuities with this episode and the ones before, it can be paired Sparring Partner, making Ep 15.
• The next 6 episodes don't exactly have continuity or inconsistencies connected to each other. I've sorted them for variety sakes, making Ep 16 - Ep 18.

Every episode below, I can confirm, comes after Shadow Of Evil; conveniently, there's enough episodes to make up 5 22-minute episodes. The Dark Armor can be seen being reconstructed each episode in each appearance; thoroughly looking at the armor led to this order of the Dark Armor episodes: Warren & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree or One Man's Junk => Operation Normal => How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will (The Dark Armor piece collected in W&H, Sitting In A Tree, from what I've seen, did not make a difference to the Dark Armor's appearance.)

• Man Vs Sewer, though mainly filler-ish, has many beginning lines that indicates this takes place some few time after Shadow Of Evil. Donnie mentions Splinter's shady past, obviously after learning he's Lou Jitsu. Leo talks about 'a day off of Splinter's training'; Splinter has never been shown to directly train the boys, any mentions of training never involve a mention of Splinter alongside it. I infer that after Shadow Of Evil, Splinter would then start training the boys to prepare for the worst cast scenario. Mikey mentions Splinter's "rugged good looks"; they referred to their good looks before in The Evil League Of Mutant after finding out they have Lou Jitsu's DNA. Warren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree is paired with Man Vs Sewer due to a crowded list, making Ep 20.
• Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man is a weird case. Splinter is never directly addressed as Lou jitsu by Donnie Or Mikey, Donnie stating "You introduced us to Lou Jitsu" rather saying 'You are Lou Jitsu.' Splinter's other lines like "Hello, Big Mama" and "What have you boys been up to?" led me to different conclusions: "Hello, Big Mama" either implies a connection between them, or is a reference to the reveal of their relationship in 'The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek.'; Splinter asking the boys what ridiculous shenanigans they got caught up in is either doesn't make sense - he knows they know about Draxum, so he shouldn't be that surprised - or is just a genuine question. The only reason this episode is here is because of Warner Stone competing in the demolition derby. Charolette (Dark Armor piece) isn't seen on his right hand when driving, and at the end of the previous episode, Warner gets Charolette taken away from him. This episode can't come before W&H, Sitting In A Tree because of this. Granted, I also head cannonaded Hypno cutting off Warner's arm off so he can compete in the derby, Charolette still in Warner's safe keeping. Then again, this is never confirmed so this episode can stay here. One Man's Junk is also placed here due to a crowded list, making Ep 21.
• The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek was originally going to be the first episode after Shadow Of Evil, but there are some few inconsistencies that land it here. Splinter mentions that this is their next lesson in ninja training, meaning they've trained offscreen. The episode also ends with Splinter telling the boys he's proud, something Donnie craved and tried to gain in Ballad Of Rat Man. Granted, that's probably personal approval and admission in himself rather than general approval for the boys' work, but rewatching the episodes, Donnie just wanted an 'I Am So Proud.' Originally, Man Vs Sewer would've been paired with this episode as at the end, Spliniter told the boys to go celebrate, so they just take a day off in NYC's sewers. But Donnie's line regarding Splinter still seems like he has trust issues with him, somewhat inconsistent with the development in Ballad Of Rat Man. Operation Normal is here for continuity sakes, making Ep 22.
• Snow Day doesn't have any major continuity aside from a mention of not training. The episode also has a Ghostbear appearance, somewhat evenly spreading out his three appearances in this season by having this episode around here. How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will is also here for continuity sakes, making Ep 23.
• Cloak And Swaggart can anywhere after Operation Normal, but to spread out April and Sunita's apperances, the episode is placed here. Jupiter Jim Ahoy! feels like a nice last episode before the season finale, the turtles accepting Splinter as Lou Jitsu, even if he isn't as exciting as Jupiter Jim - whom is a deluded actor. This makes the last episode of the season before the two parter finale.

Season 2 basically stays the same. Not many changes need to be made as the continuity stay fairly consistent - aside from a few lines here and there. The only change I made was placing Always Be Brownies after Sidekick Ahoy! because of variety sakes for the character appearances - Always Be Brownies is the only episode where the turtles aren't present (My head canon for this is that the turtles spent the whole day binging Jupiter Jim movies, as seen in the start of Sidekick Ahoy!, explaining why they didn't help April with selling cookies.)

I also compiled an episode order based off of TMNTpedia's listed production codes because the episodes on the wiki are structured by broadcast order rather than production codes. The viewing order is definitely incorrect, and mostly just changes season 1's order:
Season 1: 26 Episodes
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem
Ep 2: Newsworthy/War And Pizza
Ep 3: Origami Tsunami/Donnie's Gifts
Ep 4: Minotaur Maze/Down With The Sickness
Ep 5: Repo Mantis/Mascot Melee
Ep 6: The Fast And The Furriest/Hypno! Part Deux!
Ep 7: Bug Busters
Ep 8: Shell In A Cell/The Longest Fight
Ep 9: Al Be Back/The Gumbus
Ep 10: Mr Cuddles/Stuck On You
Ep 11: The Purple Jacket/Pizza Pit
Ep 12: Smart LaiHot Soup: The Game
Ep 13: The Evil League Of Mutants
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Nothing But Truffle/Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man
Ep 16: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 17: Mind Meld/Portal Jacked!
Ep 18: Warner & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree/Sparring Partner
Ep 19: Mystic Library/Operation: Normal
Ep 20: How To Make Enemies And Make People Bend To Your Will/You Got Served
Ep 21: The Purple Game/Man Vs Sewer
Ep 22: The Ancient Art Of Ninja Hide And Seek/The Mutant Menace
Ep 23: One Man's Junk/Snow Day
Ep 24: Cloak And Swaggart/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame
Season 2: 13 Episodes
Ep 27: Todd Scouts/Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Ep 28: Flushed But Never Forgotten/Lair Games
Ep 29: Many Unhappy Returns (Obviously meant to be the premiere)
Ep 30: Breaking Purple/Repairin' The Bison
Ep 31: Air Turtles/Pizza Puffs
Ep 32: Sidekick Ahoy!/The Hidden City Job
Ep 33: Always Be Brownies/Donnie Vs Witch Town (Misplaced Hidden City arc episode)
Ep 34: Mystery Meat/Raph's Ride Along
Ep 35: Hidden City's Most Wanted/Bad Hair Day
Ep 36: Fists Of Furry/Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 37: Battle Nexus: New York
Ep 38: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind/Shreddy Or Not
Ep 39: Anatawa Hitorijanai/Rise

Individual Episodes (Season 1): 46 Episodes

Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem (22 minutes) Ep 2: Newsworthy Ep 3: War And Pizza Ep 4: Origami Tsunami Ep 5: Donnie's Gifts Ep 6: Minotaur Maze Ep 7: Down With The Sickness Ep 8: Repo Mantis Ep 9: Mascot Melee Ep 10: The Fast And The Furriest Ep 11: Hypno! Part Deux! Ep 12: Bug Busters (22m) Ep 13: Shell In A Cell Ep 14: The Longest Fight Ep 15: Al Be Back Ep 16: The Gumbus Ep 17: Mr Cuddles Ep 18: Stuck On You Ep 19: The Purple Jacket Ep 20: Pizza Pit Ep 21: Smart Lair Ep 22: Hot Soup: The Game Ep 23: The Evil League Of Mutants (22m) Ep 24: Late Fee Ep 25: Bullhop Ep 26: Nothing But Truffle Ep 27: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man Ep 28: Shadow Of Evil (22m) Ep 29: Mind Meld Ep 30: Portal Jacked! Ep 31: Warner & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree Ep 32: Sparring Partner Ep 33: Mystic Library Ep 34: Operation: Normal Ep 35: How To Make Enemies And Make People Bend To Your Will Ep 36: You Got Served Ep 37: The Purple Game Ep 38: Man Vs Sewer Ep 39: The Ancient Art Of Ninja Hide And Seek Ep 40: The Mutant Menace Ep 41: One Man's Junk Ep 42: Snow Day Ep 43: Cloak And Swaggart Ep 44: Jupiter Jim Ahoy! Ep 45: Insane In The Mama Train (22m) Ep 46: Endgame (22m)

Individual Episodes (Season 2): 24 Episodes

Ep 47: Todd Scouts Ep 48: Goyles, Goyles, Goyles Ep 49: Flushed But Never Forgotten Ep 50: Lair Games Ep 51: Many Unhappy Returns (22m) Ep 52: Breaking Purple Ep 53: Repairin' The Bison Ep 54: Air Turtles Ep 55: Pizza Puffs Ep 56: Sidekick Ahoy! Ep 57: The Hidden City Job Ep 58: Always Be Brownies Ep 59: Donnie Vs Witch Town Ep 60: Mystery Meat Ep 61: Raph's Ride Along Ep 62: Hidden City's Most Wanted Ep 63: Bad Hair Day Ep 64: Fists Of Furry Ep 65: Clothes Don't Make The Turtles Ep 66: Battle Nexus: New York (22m) Ep 67: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind Ep 68: Shreddy Or Not Ep 69: Anatawa Hitorijanai Ep 70: Rise

In case anyone's interested, here's a filler list according to what I consider filler and non-filler. I believe the show should be watched in its entirety, but I felt like making one if I were rewatching the show again:
Non-Filler (Main Plot and episodes that greatly support it):
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem (Hard Non-Filler; main plot)
Ep 2: Origami Tsunami
Ep 3: Donnie's Gifts
Ep 4: War And Pizza
Ep 5: Newsworthy
Ep 6: Minotaur Maze
Ep 7: Repo Mantis
Ep 8: The Fast And The Furriest (Soft Non-Filler; supporting episodes)
Ep 9: Mascot Melee (SNF)
Ep 10: Bug Busters (HNF)
Ep 11: Shell In A Cell
Ep 12: The Longest Fight
Ep 13: Portal Jacked! (SNF)
Ep 14: Stuck On You
Ep 15: Smart Lair (SNF)
Ep 16: Hot Soup: The Game
Ep 17: The Evil League Of Mutants (HNF)
Ep 18: Bullhop
Ep 19: Sparring Partner
Ep 20: Al Be Back (SF)
Ep 21: Mystic Library (SNF)
Ep 22: Shadow Of Evil (HNF)
Ep 23: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Right Man (SNF)
Ep 24: You Got Served (SF)
Ep 25: The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek
Ep 26: Snow Day (SNF)
Ep 27: Operation Normal
Ep 28: Warren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree
Ep 29: How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will (HNF)
Ep 30: One Man's Junk
Ep 31: Insane In The Mama Train (HNF)
Ep 32: Endgame (HNF)
Ep 33: Many Unhappy Returns (HNF)
Ep 34: Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Ep 35: Repairin' The Baron (HNF)
Ep 36: Pizza Puffs
Ep 37: Always Be Brownies
Ep 38: Hidden City Job (SNF)
Ep 39: Mystery Meat (SNF)
Ep 40: Donnie Vs Witch Town (HNF)
Ep 41: Raph's Ride Along (HNF)
Ep 42: Hidden City's Most Wanted (HNF)
Ep 43: Bad Hair Day (HNF)
Ep 44: The Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 45: Battle Nexus: New York (HNF)
Ep 46: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (HNF)
Ep 47: Shreddy Or Not (HNF)
Ep 48: Anatawa Hitorijanai (HNF)
Ep 49: Rise (HNF)
Filler: (Not essential to the main plot, usually self-contained episodes):
Ep 1: Down With The Sickness (Hard Filler; one offs)
Ep 2: Hypno! Part Deux (Soft Filler; recurring characters, etc)
Ep 3: The Gumbus (SF)
Ep 4: Mrs Cuddles
Ep 5: The Purple Jacket (SF)
Ep 6: Pizza Pit (SF)
Ep 7: Late Fee (SF)
Ep 8: Mind Meld (SF)
Ep 9: Nothing But Truffle (SF)
Ep 10: The Purple Game (SF)
Ep 11: The Mutant Menace (SF)
Ep 12: Man Vs Sewer (SF)
Ep 13: Cloak And Swaggart (SF)
Ep 14: Jupiter Jim Ahoy! (SF)
Ep 15: Flushed But Never Forgotten (HF)
Ep 16: Lair Games (HF)
Ep 17: Todd Scouts (SF)
Ep 18: Breaking Purple (SF)
Ep 19: Air Turtles (HF)
Ep 20: Sidekick Ahoy! (SF)
Ep 21: Fist Of Furry (SF)

So to kind of tell a little backstory, my mom had three children. My brother(25), my sister (14) and I (30F). My brother and I share a dad and my sister has her own. Her dad and our mom divorced when she was only 2 and my mom has been raising her by herself for the most part. Well my mom had a really bad alcohol addiction that eventually led to her passing away in March of 2023. When she passed my sister had to go live with her dad because she was only 13 at the time. While she’s staying there her dad’s girlfriend overdosed on marijuana because it was laced with fentanyl so they call 911 and DCFS gets involved.
This is where it gets a little messy. At the time this is all going down my wife and I have her sister and her boyfriend and 6 kids living with us because they had just been kicked out of their house because of problems they were having with their landlord. They turn to us because we have the biggest house in the family with a 3 bedroom house. My wife’s mom and dad live in a trailer and their brother lives in a bachelor pad. Now keep in mind my wife and I have 3 kids of our own so now we have 9 kids, 4 adults and numerous pets from them in our 3 bedroom house. There was just no way that DCFS would have let me take my sister with this many people and it’s not like I had the room anyway. So ultimately she ended up going to live with my brother, his wife and their two kids.
I was really not happy with this situation because I know the kind of person my brother’s wife is. Just very blunt and rude about everything. The typical mean girl you would encounter in high school, which is not who I want to influence my teenage sister growing up. But I give her a chance anyway. My brother’s wife also had a 15 year old sister, let’s call her Jess, that visits her occasionally when she is not staying with her dad. So around the beginning of November I hear from my sister that Jess is going to pierce her nose for her. Now I’m not trying to be a Debbie downer, I have 5 tattoos and idk how many piercings I’ve had. BUT, she is only 13 at this time which in the first place is too young for a facial piercing and two it’s not even going to be professionally done. Jess was going to do it herself because my brother’s wife let her do it at that age and it was fine. One reason why I do not want her parenting my sister.
So I confront my brother about it a week later and tell him that this is probably not a good idea especially with DCFS watching. Also she’s still a little young and to wait a couple more years. He says oh yeah I know, that’s not going to happen. Seems to be totally on board and agreeing with me so I drop it. Fast forward to Christmas Day. My wife and I are talking to my sister in the kitchen and my brother’s wife comes up and says yeah Jess won’t be able to pierce your nose after all. My wife and I are completely shocked because I thought my brother and I had discussed that this was not a good idea so why is this still being brought up. My wife immediately tells my brother’s wife this shouldn’t have even almost happened in the first place, that is completely unacceptable. Later that same night, my sister is looking at pictures of her friends on her phone and my brothers wife walks up and just starts making comments like, “ew” and “gross” and “what is she wearing” and “what’s wrong with her hair”. Like I said, typical mean girl. So my wife walks up and says what are you guys doing. My brother’s wife says, making fun of people, Jess and I do it all the time. My wife then says you know the people that do that are normally so unhappy in their lives that they have to put other people down to make themselves feel better and just walks away. Reason number two, besides her just being a shitty person in general.
Side note: I’m sorry if this is way too long but idk how to condense it without leaving out details. Also with my mom passing I just feel like I don’t have anybody to talk to about this and I need advice. So anyway a week after Christmas we have a birthday party for my 30th. My wife invites the family and almost everyone shows up except one of my cousins which wasn’t surprising but that’s another drama story I’ll have to elaborate on later. Throughout the night my brother’s wife is talking to my wife and my other cousin. And she says to my one cousin that the reason my other cousin (her brother) didn’t show up is because he hates us and doesn’t want to hang out with us. My wife remembers this conversation very clearly as she doesn’t drink. But she doesn’t tell me about this conversation because it’s my birthday party and she doesn’t want to make me sad, whether my brother’s wife was telling the truth or not.
The next day I get a text from my brother’s wife saying I heard that I said your cousin hates you but I just wanted to let you know I never said that ever. So I said ok I didn’t hear that but alright. I ask my wife about the message and she said yeah I remember her telling me and your cousin that. Either she was too drunk to remember saying that or she’s lying through her teeth. But by this point I’m done. The next weekend is my brothers birthday party ( I know, close birthdays) and I tell him I’m sorry I won’t be coming because we need to talk.
After I say we need to talk everything just goes downhill. He asked me if everything is ok and I just say yes I just want to talk to you in person. So he replies about what? And I say I would REALLY prefer not to do this over text message. And he says but what is it? lol. Like he’s trying to be funny. He’s asked me for the last time so finally I give it to him and basically tell him everything I explained above. He’s confused about why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling and I said that’s why I want to talk to you. So we set up a day a week later to talk but then I get a message from my sister two days later saying stop bringing Jess into this when she did nothing to you and I know what’s going on and I’m old enough to speak my mind. A whole ass paragraph yelling at me. Then I had Jess messaging me saying me and my wife are horrible people and we’re creating problems out of nothing and calling me a cunt and so on. Basically now getting harassed by my sister and Jess because my brother and his wife decided to bring children into this. Which is yet another reason why I do not want this woman parenting my sister. I’m at my wits end here and I honestly don’t know what to do. It is now almost April and my brother and I still haven’t met up to talk about any of this because it just keeps getting escalated. Any advice would be much appreciated!
I also can get into the relationship my brothers wife had with my mom before she passed. She hated my mom, even blocked her on Facebook. My mom was very well liked by a lot of people, yes she had her alcohol addiction, but she never harmed any of us. She was the best mom I could have asked for, some of us just get dealt shitty hands in life. But I doubt my sister knows any of that, my brother and his wife only tell her things that make me look bad.

After looking everywhere online and not finding a correct viewing order for the show, I created my own after rewatching the series. The list is mainly structured on keeping the continuity consistent throughout the episodes and evenly spreading out spotlight episodes (Character appearances, locatons, etc) if possible.
I'm confident that the first half of season 1 are in a suitable order, but the second half is more likely inconsistent in its continuity. Season 2 stays exactly the same aside from switching two episodes' places. Leave any comments if you notice continuity errors with this list.
Season 1: 26 Episodes
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem
Ep 2: Origami Tsunami/Donnie's Gifts
Ep 3: War And Pizza/Down With The Sickness
Ep 4: Newsworthy/Minotaur Maze
Ep 5: Repo Mantis/Hypno! Part Deux!
Ep 6: The Fast And The Furriest/Mascot Melee
Ep 7: Bug Busters
Ep 8: Shell In A Cell/The Longest Fight
Ep 9: The Gumbus/Mrs Cuddles
Ep 10: Portal Jacked!/Stuck on You
Ep 11: The Purple Jacket/Pizza Pit
Ep 12: Smart LaiHot Soup: The Game
Ep 13: The Evil League Of Mutants
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Sparring PartneAl Be Back
Ep 16: Mind Meld/Nothing But Truffle
Ep 17: Mystic Library/The Purple Game
Ep 18: You Got Served/The Mutant Menace
Ep 19: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 20: Man Vs SeweWarren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree
Ep 21: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man/One Man's Junk
Ep 22: The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek/Operation Normal
Ep 23: Snow Day/How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will
Ep 24: Cloak And Swaggart/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame
Season 2:
Ep 27: Many Unhappy Returns
Ep 28: Todd Scouts/Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Ep 29: Flushed But Never Forgotten/Lair Games
Ep 30: Breaking Purple/Repairin' The Baron
Ep 31: Air Turtle/Pizza Puffs
Ep 32: Sidekick Ahoy!/Always Be Brownies
Ep 33: Mystery Meat/Hidden City Job
Ep 34: Donnie Vs Witch Town/Raph's Ride Along
Ep 35: Hidden City's Most Wanted/Bad Hair Day
Ep 36: Fists Of Furry/The Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 37: Battle Nexus: New York
Ep 38: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind/Shreddy Or Not
Ep 39: Anatawa Hitorijanai/Rise
Here's an alternate version of the first season:

Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem
Ep 2: Origami Tsunami/Donnie's Gifts
Ep 3: Newsworthy/War And Pizza
Ep 4: Minotaur Maze/Down With The Sickness
Ep 5: Repo Mantis/Hypno! Part Deux!
Ep 6: The Fast And The Furriest/Shell In A Cell
Ep 7: Mascot Melee/The Longest Fight
Ep 8: Bug Busters
Ep 9: The Gumbus/Stuck on You
Ep 10: The Purple Jacket/Al Be Back
Ep 11: Mrs Cuddles/Hot Soup: The Game
Ep 12: Smart LaiPizza Pit
Ep 13: The Evil League Of Mutants
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Mind Meld/Nothing But Truffle
Ep 16: Portal Jacked!/The Mutant Menace
Ep 17: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 18: Man Vs SeweMystic Library
Ep 19: Warren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree/You Got Served
Ep 20: One Man's Junk/Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man
Ep 21: The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek/Operation Normal
Ep 22: Sparring PartneThe Purple Game
Ep 23: How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will/Cloak And Swaggart
Ep 24: Snow Day/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame

If anyone wants an explanation as to why these episodes are ordered these ways:
The 22-minute episodes are made to be spread out evenly (Ep 1, 7, 13, 19, 25, 26); there'll usually 10 episodes/five 22-minute episodes divided into two segments between each special.
In Bug Busters, as Big Mama talks about the recent mutants, a screen of all the mutant from previous episodes are shown; therefore, Donnie's Gifts, Newsworthy, Repo Mantis, and Mascot Melee are definitely before Bug Busters.

• Origami Tsunami mainly introduces Raph's mystic ability; the ability is seen in the next episodes, so this directly follows up Mystic Mayhem.
• War And Pizza and Down With The Sickness gives some spotlight for April and Splinter to establish their character early on in the season, respectively. Since the rest of the list is crowded, the episodes can directly follow after Ep 2.
• The mystic pizza place appears in The Fast and Furriest, so Minotaur Maze takes place before that episode. And because there's no other place as well, Newsworthy and Minotaur Maze is Ep 4.
• Hypno! Part Deux takes place during Repo Mantis (as seen in a phone call between April and Donnie), so the episodes are paired together. The episodes can be Ep 4, but the mystic pizza place's appearances would then be close to each other along with inconsistency in Hypno's introduction, so this'll be Ep 5.
• The Fast And The Furriest introduces the Shell Tank - built from the moon buggy in Repo Mantis - so the episode takes place after that one. Mascot Melee includes an appearance of the tank, so it comes after The Fast And The Furriest and be Ep 6.

Throughout Ep 8 - Ep 12, we're introduced to the Foot Dudes collecting pieces of Dark Armor. Those episodes will be spread out evenly for consistency in their appearances.

• Shell In A Cell, due to a crowded list, will be paired with The Longest Fight, being Ep 8. Same also applies to Ep 9: The Gumbus and Mrs Cuddles, both episodes also have a somewhat horror-ish theme ("Ghosts"; Sentient Doll that grows off of fear,) so they can be paired together.
• Portal Jacked! swaps place with Al Be Back (usually paired with Stuck On You in the production codes) so Senor Hueso appearances can be spaced out. No continuity errors - to my knowledge - comes from this change. Stuck On You introduces Donnie's username/password/alias, Bootyshaker9000, and the Shell Hogs. A reference to Bootyshaker9000 is made in The Purple Jacket and the Shell Hogs are used in Pizza Pit, so those episodes must follow after Stuck On You.
• Smart Lair introduces Shelldon. Although there aren't any major continuity errors with placing the episode before Ep 12 - not after episode 10 since there's a bootyshaker9000 reference - an inconsistency I notice is in The Purple Jacket: when Donnie shows off his tech to impress the dragons, Shelldon makes no appearance; therefore, Smart Lair would be paired with Hot Soup: The Game as Shelldon should've also been shown off yet wasn't.
• Episodes like Shell In A Cell, Smart Lair, Hot Soup: The Game, etc can't be placed after Ep 12 in order to spread out the appearances of the characters introduced in these episodes and maintain continuity.

I've binge watched the second half, so this'll be far more inconsistent:

• No episodes of The Foot Clan collecting the Dark Armor can be from Ep 14 - Ep 18; those episodes have the turtles acknowledging the Dark Armor, something they're not aware of yet. Although, I did include episodes where the Foot Dudes and Cassandra appears because there's no mention of the dark armor in them. This does, however, lessens their impact in 'Shadow Of Evil' due to them and Draxum teaming up at the end of 'The Evil League Of Mutants', leaving the audience expecting something grand from them, but then only seeing mundane appearances in Sparring Partner and Mystic Library.
• Late Fee is Ghostbear's second appearance; Bullhop evenly spreads out Big Mama's appearances - Bug Busters, this, and Ballad Of Rat Man are evenly spread-out episode wise. This will be Ep 14.
• Al Be Back introduces Albeartoland; the only major continuities linked to this place I spotted some few episodes later is in Nothing But Truffle: Mikey and Meat Sweats, in a moment in the montage of their new friendship, eats funnel cakes. Funnel cakes, from what I remember, makes a season later appearance in Repairin The Baron: Baron Draxum discards his funnel cake in Albeartoland. This confirms that Albeartoland can't be after Nothing But Truffle because Mikey and Meat Sweats got their funnel cake at Albeartoland rather than just a random theme park. Since there aren't any major continuities with this episode and the ones before, it can be paired Sparring Partner, making Ep 15.
• The next 6 episodes don't exactly have continuity or inconsistencies connected to each other. I've sorted them for variety sakes, making Ep 16 - Ep 18.

Every episode below, I can confirm, comes after Shadow Of Evil; conveniently, there's enough episodes to make up 5 22-minute episodes. The Dark Armor can be seen being reconstructed each episode in each appearance; thoroughly looking at the armor led to this order of the Dark Armor episodes: Warren & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree or One Man's Junk => Operation Normal => How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will (The Dark Armor piece collected in W&H, Sitting In A Tree, from what I've seen, did not make a difference to the Dark Armor's appearance.)

• Man Vs Sewer, though mainly filler-ish, has many beginning lines that indicates this takes place some few time after Shadow Of Evil. Donnie mentions Splinter's shady past, obviously after learning he's Lou Jitsu. Leo talks about 'a day off of Splinter's training'; Splinter has never been shown to directly train the boys, any mentions of training never involve a mention of Splinter alongside it. I infer that after Shadow Of Evil, Splinter would then start training the boys to prepare for the worst case scenario. Mikey mentions Splinter's "rugged good looks"; they referred to their good looks before in The Evil League Of Mutant after finding out they have Lou Jitsu's DNA. Warren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree is paired with Man Vs Sewer due to a crowded list, making Ep 20.
• Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man is a weird case. Splinter is never directly addressed as Lou jitsu by Donnie or Mikey, Donnie stating, "You introduced us to Lou Jitsu" rather saying 'You are Lou Jitsu.' Splinter's other lines like "Hello, Big Mama" and "What have you boys been up to?" led me to different conclusions: "Hello, Big Mama" either implies a connection between them, or is a reference to the reveal of their relationship in 'The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek.'; Splinter asking the boys what ridiculous shenanigans they got caught up in is either doesn't make sense - he knows they know about Draxum, so he shouldn't be that surprised - or is just a genuine question. The only reason this episode is here is because of Warner Stone competing in the demolition derby. Charolette (Dark Armor piece) isn't seen on his right hand when driving, and at the end of the previous episode, Warner gets Charolette taken away from him. This episode can't come before W&H, Sitting In A Tree because of this. Granted, I also head cannonaded Hypno cutting off Warner's arm off so he can compete in the derby, Charolette still in Warner's safe keeping. Then again, this is never confirmed so this episode can stay here. One Man's Junk is also placed here due to a crowded list, making Ep 21.
• The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek was originally going to be the first episode after Shadow Of Evil, but there are some few inconsistencies that land it here. Splinter mentions that this is their next lesson in ninja training, meaning they've trained offscreen which, I felt, was established in Man Vs Sewer. The episode also ends with Splinter telling the boys he's proud, something Donnie tried chase after in Ballad Of Rat Man. Granted, that's probably personal approval for himself rather than general approval for the boys' work, but rewatching the episode, Donnie just wanted an 'I Am So Proud' which he did get in this episode. Originally, Man Vs Sewer would've been paired with this episode as at the end, Splinter told the boys to go celebrate, so they just take a day off in NYC's sewers. But Donnie's line regarding Splinter still seems like he has trust issues with him, somewhat inconsistent with the development in Ballad Of Rat Man. Operation Normal is here for continuity sakes, making Ep 22.
• Snow Day doesn't have any major continuity aside from a mention of not training. The episode also has a Ghostbear appearance, somewhat evenly spreading out his appearances in this season. How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will is here for continuity sakes, making Ep 23.
• Cloak And Swaggart can appear anywhere after Operation Normal, but to spread out April and Sunita's appearances, the episode is placed here. Jupiter Jim Ahoy! feels like a nice last episode before the season finale, the turtles accepting Splinter as Lou Jitsu, even if he isn't as exciting as Jupiter Jim - whom is a deluded actor that almost killed them. This makes the last episode of the season before the two parter finale.

Season 2 basically stays the same. Not many changes need to be made as the continuity stay fairly consistent - aside from a few lines here and there. The only change I made was placing Always Be Brownies after Sidekick Ahoy! because of variety sakes for the character appearances - Always Be Brownies is the only episode where the turtles aren't present (My head canon for this is that the turtles spent the whole day binging Jupiter Jim movies, as seen in the start of Sidekick Ahoy!, explaining why they didn't help April with selling cookies.)

I also compiled an episode order based off of TMNTpedia's listed production codes because the episodes on the wiki are structured by broadcast order rather than production codes. The viewing order is definitely incorrect, and mostly just changes season 1's order:
Season 1: 26 Episodes
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem
Ep 2: Newsworthy/War And Pizza
Ep 3: Origami Tsunami/Donnie's Gifts
Ep 4: Minotaur Maze/Down With The Sickness
Ep 5: Repo Mantis/Mascot Melee
Ep 6: The Fast And The Furriest/Hypno! Part Deux!
Ep 7: Bug Busters
Ep 8: Shell In A Cell/The Longest Fight
Ep 9: Al Be Back/The Gumbus
Ep 10: Mrs Cuddles/Stuck On You
Ep 11: The Purple Jacket/Pizza Pit
Ep 12: Smart LaiHot Soup: The Game
Ep 13: The Evil League Of Mutants
Ep 14: Late Fee/Bullhop
Ep 15: Nothing But Truffle/Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man
Ep 16: Shadow Of Evil
Ep 17: Mind Meld/Portal Jacked!
Ep 18: Warner & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree/Sparring Partner
Ep 19: Mystic Library/Operation: Normal
Ep 20: How To Make Enemies And Make People Bend To Your Will/You Got Served
Ep 21: The Purple Game/Man Vs Sewer
Ep 22: The Ancient Art Of Ninja Hide And Seek/The Mutant Menace
Ep 23: One Man's Junk/Snow Day
Ep 24: Cloak And Swaggart/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!
Ep 25: Insane In The Mama Train
Ep 26: Endgame
Season 2: 13 Episodes
Ep 27: Todd Scouts/Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Ep 28: Flushed But Never Forgotten/Lair Games
Ep 29: Many Unhappy Returns (Obviously meant to be the premiere)
Ep 30: Breaking Purple/Repairin' The Bison
Ep 31: Air Turtles/Pizza Puffs
Ep 32: Sidekick Ahoy!/The Hidden City Job
Ep 33: Always Be Brownies/Donnie Vs Witch Town (Misplaced Hidden City arc episode)
Ep 34: Mystery Meat/Raph's Ride Along
Ep 35: Hidden City's Most Wanted/Bad Hair Day
Ep 36: Fists Of Furry/Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 37: Battle Nexus: New York
Ep 38: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind/Shreddy Or Not
Ep 39: Anatawa Hitorijanai/Rise

Individual Episodes (Season 1): 46 Episodes

Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem (22 minutes) Ep 2: Newsworthy Ep 3: War And Pizza Ep 4: Origami Tsunami Ep 5: Donnie's Gifts Ep 6: Minotaur Maze Ep 7: Down With The Sickness Ep 8: Repo Mantis Ep 9: Mascot Melee Ep 10: The Fast And The Furriest Ep 11: Hypno! Part Deux! Ep 12: Bug Busters (22m) Ep 13: Shell In A Cell Ep 14: The Longest Fight Ep 15: Al Be Back Ep 16: The Gumbus Ep 17: Mrs Cuddles Ep 18: Stuck On You Ep 19: The Purple Jacket Ep 20: Pizza Pit Ep 21: Smart Lair Ep 22: Hot Soup: The Game Ep 23: The Evil League Of Mutants (22m) Ep 24: Late Fee Ep 25: Bullhop Ep 26: Nothing But Truffle Ep 27: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Rat Man Ep 28: Shadow Of Evil (22m) Ep 29: Mind Meld Ep 30: Portal Jacked! Ep 31: Warner & Hypno, Sitting In A Tree Ep 32: Sparring Partner Ep 33: Mystic Library Ep 34: Operation: Normal Ep 35: How To Make Enemies And Make People Bend To Your Will Ep 36: You Got Served Ep 37: The Purple Game Ep 38: Man Vs Sewer Ep 39: The Ancient Art Of Ninja Hide And Seek Ep 40: The Mutant Menace Ep 41: One Man's Junk Ep 42: Snow Day Ep 43: Cloak And Swaggart Ep 44: Jupiter Jim Ahoy! Ep 45: Insane In The Mama Train (22m) Ep 46: Endgame (22m)

Individual Episodes (Season 2): 24 Episodes

Ep 47: Todd Scouts Ep 48: Goyles, Goyles, Goyles Ep 49: Flushed But Never Forgotten Ep 50: Lair Games Ep 51: Many Unhappy Returns (22m) Ep 52: Breaking Purple Ep 53: Repairin' The Bison Ep 54: Air Turtles Ep 55: Pizza Puffs Ep 56: Sidekick Ahoy! Ep 57: The Hidden City Job Ep 58: Always Be Brownies Ep 59: Donnie Vs Witch Town Ep 60: Mystery Meat Ep 61: Raph's Ride Along Ep 62: Hidden City's Most Wanted Ep 63: Bad Hair Day Ep 64: Fists Of Furry Ep 65: Clothes Don't Make The Turtles Ep 66: Battle Nexus: New York (22m) Ep 67: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind Ep 68: Shreddy Or Not Ep 69: Anatawa Hitorijanai Ep 70: Rise

In case anyone's interested, here's a filler list according to what I consider filler and non-filler (not gonna be the definitive filler list). I believe the show should be watched in its entirety, but I felt like making one if I were rewatching the show again:
Non-Filler (Main Plot and episodes that greatly support it):
Ep 1: Mystic Mayhem (Hard Non-Filler; main plot)
Ep 2: Origami Tsunami (HNF)
Ep 3: Donnie's Gifts
Ep 4: War And Pizza
Ep 5: Newsworthy
Ep 6: Minotaur Maze
Ep 7: Repo Mantis
Ep 8: The Fast And The Furriest (Soft Non-Filler; supporting episodes)
Ep 9: Mascot Melee (SNF)
Ep 10: Bug Busters (HNF)
Ep 11: Shell In A Cell
Ep 12: The Longest Fight
Ep 13: Portal Jacked!
Ep 14: Stuck On You
Ep 15: Smart Lair (SNF)
Ep 16: Hot Soup: The Game
Ep 17: The Evil League Of Mutants (HNF)
Ep 18: Bullhop
Ep 19: Sparring Partner
Ep 20: Al Be Back (SNF)
Ep 21: Mind Meld (SNF)
Ep 22: You Got Served (SNF)
Ep 23: Mystic Library (SNF)
Ep 24: Shadow Of Evil (HNF)
Ep 25: Warren And Hypno, Sitting In A Tree
Ep 26: Turtle-Dega Nights: The Ballad Of Right Man (SNF)
Ep 27: The Ancient Art Of Hide And Seek
Ep 28: Operation Normal
Ep 29: Snow Day
Ep 30: One Man's Junk
Ep 31: How To Make Enemies And People Bend To Your Will (HNF)
Ep 32: Insane In The Mama Train (HNF)
Ep 33: Endgame (HNF)
Ep 34: Many Unhappy Returns (HNF)
Ep 35: Goyles, Goyles, Goyles (HNF)
Ep 36: Repairin' The Baron (HNF)
Ep 37: Pizza Puffs
Ep 38: Always Be Brownies
Ep 39: Mystery Meat (SNF)
Ep 40: Hidden City Job (SNF)
Ep 41: Donnie Vs Witch Town (HNF)
Ep 42: Raph's Ride Along (HNF)
Ep 43: Hidden City's Most Wanted (HNF)
Ep 44: Bad Hair Day (HNF)
Ep 45: The Clothes Don't Make The Turtles
Ep 46: Battle Nexus: New York (HNF)
Ep 47: E-Turtle Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (HNF)
Ep 48: Shreddy Or Not (HNF)
Ep 49: Anatawa Hitorijanai (HNF)
Ep 50: Rise (HNF)
Filler: (Not essential to the main plot, usually self-contained episodes): ~20 Episodes
Ep 1: Down With The Sickness (Hard Filler; one offs)
Ep 2: Hypno! Part Deux (Soft Filler; recurring characters, etc)
Ep 3: The Gumbus (SF)
Ep 4: Mrs Cuddles (HF)
Ep 5: The Purple Jacket (SF)
Ep 6: Pizza Pit (SF)
Ep 7: Late Fee
Ep 8: Nothing But Truffle (SF)
Ep 9: The Purple Game (SF)
Ep 10: The Mutant Menace (SF)
Ep 11: Man Vs Sewer (SF)
Ep 12: Cloak And Swaggart (SF)
Ep 13: Jupiter Jim Ahoy! (SF)
Ep 14: Flushed But Never Forgotten (SF)
Ep 15: Lair Games (HF)
Ep 16: Todd Scouts (SF)
Ep 17: Breaking Purple (SF)
Ep 18: Air Turtles (HF)
Ep 19: Sidekick Ahoy! (SF)
Ep 20: Fist Of Furry (SF)

Burner account because I want to remain separated from my ex-wife and she knows my main. This is going to be a long one since I feel like I'm reevaluating my entire relationship and value system so sorry for the long vent, I'll add a TLDR at the end.
I (53m) married "Debbie" (55f) 6 years ago. We were both divorced and had been single for a while. In my case I had a lot of trust issues after my first wife cheated on me and then proceeded to put me through the worst experience of my life by dragging a divorce process of hell just to try and create drama. That's a story for another day tho. Debbie on the other hand was completely abandoned by her husband and left to raise her daughter "Maxine" (18f) by herself only with the help of her parents.
Because of this traumas on our previous relationships we were both very hesitant to open up to new people and found solace in different things, I buried myself in my work and Debbie dedicated herself to her local church and motherhood.
We met 8 years ago through a mutual acquaintance who thought we would be perfect for each other and we took things slowly but it was clear from the moment I saw her that I was in love with her. She was insecure about introducing a man into Maxine's life which I understood so, although our relationship was sailing like crazy we respected each others boundaries especially in regards to Maxine.
About six months into our relationship she invited me to her church to meet her friends and family and, of course, her daughter. I was nervous but more than anything excited for this big step in our relationship. I was not religious in the slightest myself but have no quarrel with spirituality or people who believe and Debbie knew and respected that. The meeting went great and everyone seemed to welcome me with open arms, particularly Debbie's parents, who I came to learn later were very worried that their daughter was a single mom.
Maxine took to me cautiously, she was shy but polite and looked at me with curiosity but hardly said a word. I respected her approach and instead of launching at her and trying to bond immediately with her I gave her as much space as she wanted to approach me on her terms. This worked and eventually she warmed up to me.
Fast forward a couple of years I asked Debbie's parents and also Maxine permission to marry Debbie. They all gave me an enthusiastic encouragement and Maxine told me she was so happy that I could now live with them.
For the next few years I feel like we had the perfect life. I didn't mind not having children of my own because Maxine was my daughter for all intent and purposes and Debbie and me we were so happy in our routines, we never fought, we only had slight disagreements sometimes that were so easily settled that I truly felt like we had it all figured it out.
Maxine on the other hand began to worry us a few years back. She seemed withdrawn and apathetic most of the time. We suspected she might be depressed and we kept trying to talk to her and had her go to a therapist but saw little improvement. There were days where she was just that happy little kid she had always been and then the next days she seemed anxious and jumpy with that being followed by long periods of her moping in her room. I though perhaps the quarantine had affected her and she was having trouble adapting to getting back out there or it was regular teen moods, perhaps more enhanced but her mother and I we were both worried.
Six months ago it was Maxine's 18th birthday and we wanted to plan a big party for her and all of her friends and family and her mother even offered the rec room at the church to throw a big shindig. However Maxine asked us if we could have a small dinner in some nice place, just the three of us, her mother was disappointed, but knowing Maxine we knew this was more her style of celebration so we took her to a nice restaurant.
As we waited for our table and then sat she seemed nervous ,her eyes were red and puffy like she had been crying and she looked pale as a ghost to the point where we asked her if she was feeling alright and if she'd rather go home. She said no and before we could try to get another word in she interrupted us and said "I'm gay."
We were both shocked because we hadn't expected this but before any of us could say anything Maxine broke down in tears and I moved to her side of the table to comfort her and hug her telling her "It's all right" like when she was a little child and she bruised her knee. Debbie however was looking at us mouth agape in horror and asked if she was serious to which Maxine managed to let out a yes between her sobs. Debbie then let out a groan like I had never heard before, I saw that she was crying too which shocked me much more than anything. The situation was out of control and everyone in the restaurant was looking at us so I just told them to go to the car and leave.
Debbie kept saying "This can't be happening" over and over and Maxine kept apologizing. I tried my best to tell Maxine that she did nothing wrong and that we'd talk in the morning. Once at home my wife ran to our bedroom and Maxine to hers and I followed my daughter, I tucked her into bed like when she was little and tried to comfort her and tell her that I loved her but she was still crying and asking about her mom. Honestly I didn't know so I told her things would clear up in the morning.
I have been reflecting on that night every day since it happened and I can't for the life of me understand how my wife reacted the way she did. I knew she wasn't particularly understanding of the LGBT community but she had never been openly homophobic at least that I could recall and I just didn't know how much hatred she had for them until that moment.
In our bedroom she was in the fetal position sobbing in our bed. I hugged her and asked her if she was alright. She said no and that she failed and her daughter was a disgusting d-slur that would go to hell unless we did something. Everything she said in this speech made alarm bells turn on in my brain. I told her there was nothing wrong with Maxine and she was not going to go to hell and the only thing we had to do is love her and support her. We got into the worst fight we've ever gotten into and she kept trying to tell me that the "liberal media was trying to poison her daughter to be groomer" and other bullshit like that. She was hellbent on her decision to try and force Maxine back into the closet.
The most hurtful point came when she told me that I was not her actual father and I had no say in the matter and that she would deal with her as she saw fit. I realized then that perhaps I didn't know the woman I was married to, our life was just a postcard of the perfect life I had always wanted, sure we never argued, but we never really talked either, I knew nothing of her or her views. And knowing that she didn't even considered me family made me realize in an instant that I actually I meant nothing to her.
I spent the night on the guest room not being able to sleep but resolute to get a divorce. My only concern was Maxine. I wanted her to be safe and I didn't want to lose contact with her, I still saw her as my daughter.
I was startled in the early morning by the sounds of screams in the kitchen and ran to see what was going on to see my wife berating and insulting Maxine calling her a pervert, a freak, mentally ill, slurs and many other things. Maxine was crying and asking her mother to please don't hate her, that she had tried to change but she couldn't.
I got between them and told Debbie to shut the f up. I had never before used that language with her and she was stunned so she quiet down for a second. I told her that her behavior last night and the things she told me proved to me she was not a good person and since she didn't consider me part of his family I wanted a divorce. Debbie began screaming at me and directed her wrath at me but I turned to Maxine and told her that I was packing some things and going to a hotel, if she wanted she could come with me. She looked at me for a second and said yes.
Less than an hour later we both left the house to the sounds of my wife's screams and threats, with our phones being spammed by family members and churchgoers telling us we were every awful thing one can imagine. On the ride to the hotel Maxine told me she imagined her mom would not be accepting and that's why her girlfriend advised her to come out in a public place and only after she had already turned 18. I was surprised to know she had a girlfriend. Maxine also told me that she wasn't sure what my reaction would be but that she was so thankful that I was standing by her side. We both cried on that ride.
The next months were a terrible upheaval. The divorce from my ex-wife was a disaster she contested everything I ever laid on the table and accused me of turning her daughter against her, stealing from her, abusing her and even of turning Maxine gay. Eventually things got settled but it took a toll on my mental health.
As far as Maxine goes she is still living with me and I met her girlfriend, Samara, a lovely young lady that goes to the same school as her and helped her go through the trauma of coming out without a support system. Luckily Samara's family is very open and has accepted Maxine with open arms and even myself and they invite us to their family reunions and potlucks almost every week and we are now doing much better.
As far as Debbie goes we are going no contact but we've heard that she maintains that Maxine is living a sinful lifestyle and that I, by enabling her, have stolen her daughter. A couple days ago I received a letter saying I would pay for my sins. It was unsigned but if it wasn't from Debbie herself it's from someone in her church circle. I'm still mourning the life we had together but more than anything I'm kicking myself for not realizing what kind of person I was married to.
TL.DR: My step daughter came out to my wife and I on her 18th birthday. Her religious mom had a breakdown and accused her of being a sexual pervert and called her slurs, telling her that she had to change in order not to go to hell. When I realized what kind of person my wife was I asked for divorce and took my step daughter with me to be safe from her religious mother who is now accusing me of alienating her daughter from her.

On the surface, Jim does appear to be the most "flawless" member of the main cast, a Christian police officer who's both professional and very kind to Claudia, a man looking for love so much that he appears on TV to state it. But I feel like the film in it's own way challenges him to actually prove it, mainly at the end.
Basically, in the third act of the film via him loosing his gun, he admits a fault of his (his imperfection as a policeman) to Claudia which leads him to admit that he's had a divorce and not been with any women since. He admits this as a way to counteract Claudia's whole notion that he's so perfect and that she's so bad. And she appreciates this.
I believe that via the gun being taken from him and the date actually happening, he's put in a position to where he basically has to be an honest individual if he really wants a relationship, plus with Claudia still on the fence he's in a state to where he has to both fight a bit more for it and where there's not a guarantee that he will get what he wants. He has to be a good person without the direct possibility of a reward for his own desires. He also has to basically flagellate himself via calling himself a laughing stock and "not a good cop", not to mention bring up his insecurities about being thought of as a fool and being disliked by her as well.
But what backs it up even more in his last couple of scenes. He does spot Donnie Smith, but it's mainly the Frog Raining that causes them to come together. His compassion also does slightly override the fact that Donnie had committed a crime, but I do believe that again, he's being tested. He's running into someone who's incredibly troubled and just needs some actual guidance and whilst he could just book Donnie, he makes the choice to help him correct his own mistake. He doesn't know Donnie and unlike Claudia he's got no already present seated personal reason (of wanting to find a woman who will love him) to help him other than decency towards a desperate man.
That ending monologue he gives certainly ties into this: "Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. And that is a very tricky thing on my part... making that call. I mean, the law is the law. And heck if I'm gonna break it. You can forgive someone. Well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive? Tough part of the job. Tough part of walking down the street. "
Then he goes back to Claudia, basically fighting for what he wants but doing so in a way that's respectful/helpful to her. Saying that she's a good person and giving her the choice to chose him. And given how she's been reunited with her own mother and seems to finally be recognising someone's unconditional love and support, she smiles.
There's also the whole angle of God making this happen, which I do think is a possibility if you don't chalk things up to random coincidences. Jim is basically taken away from a simple murder case and put in circumstances where he has to prove his innate goodness. I do feel like this is partly because of his own Christian beliefs (which is most prominent in his Cross above the bed) and this could all be a test of character on God's part. Like making the Frogs rain so that he'd help Donnie or stealing the gun.
This kinda comes together when the gun drops from the sky. One could take this as again, a mere strange coincidence, but this feels like a reward. Like God is telling him "well done, you deserve this for actually living up to your character" Plus Jim even begs God to tell him why a circumstance like him losing his gun is happening to him, but that "Whatever it is I did, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to do the right thing"
Any deeper thoughts on your own perception of his character?

I won’t be surprised if this gets down voted to oblivion or if I’m banned for this subreddit but fuck it.
The amount of posts saying not a fan but or I feel bad is annoying. I’m shocked the moderators allow it. Meg wants to be an influencer so badly that she put it before her family and marriage. If she cared that much, she would take a step away from TikTok to focus on her own mental health, her baby and husband. I don’t know Alex at all, so I am not saying he is innocent. But the posts she has shared of him and their relationship, I would shut down and look miserable too.
I’m a mom of two. I had PPD so bad the first time because I almost lost my baby and I went to a dark place, I almost lost my life to PPD. So I understand how hard it is. But you know what, my husband and child depended on me so I put my big girl pants on and fought for my life. Meg does nothing but bitch and complain and has episodes where she flips out on her followers. Imagine that being your partner. She obviously has the resources to get help but rather feel sorry for herself. So idk why y’all feel bad for her.
I don’t wish divorce on anyone, and I’m not happy that she is going through this. My husband and I had hit lows because of PPD and just the stress of raising two under two, but I don’t put my business out there like her and I did what I had to do to get better. But I don’t feel sorry for someone who likes to play victim/debby downer.

Yes I know I KNOW it’s just a show but let’s be real here.
1) There is no way in hell Sierra and Neil are siblings. They look nothing alike. Did they only cast a redhead as Neil so Debbie could play that he’s actually Franny’s dad?
2) using Carl’s drug cash to buy the house. You can’t buy a house in cash without hella investigation. The IRS and the bank and probably the FBI will want to know where that money came from, why it hasn’t been taxed, etc etc. There’s a reason people launder money to make it “legit”. They’d never have gotten away with that.
3) did Fiona ever actually get money from Gus during the divorce?? There was the whole scene of her lawyer saying “I’m a shark, and there’s blood in the water”, then he lists all of Gus’s assets. Then we just… never hear about it again?? Presumably if she’d gotten anything from him she would’ve used that as down payment to get the house or laundromat?
4) not a question but it’s just so messed up that Debbie kicked Sierra out especially to give Monica her room. Debbie is terrified of losing Franny to DCFS so she lets MONICA of all people live in their house?? Makes no sense.

I am one of the countless women who's marriage could not survive my perimenoupausal journey.
What I found was that the problems I had with my husband were always there -
1.Minimizing my emotions, my feelings or subjective sense of what was challenging for me in life. Playing devil's advocate all the f*cking time, whenever I expressed frustration with another person, with being a woman, with any frustrating experience. Taking the opposite side's argument instead.

1. Not helping me with the mental load of childrearing, such as being involved with the kids' mental health, learning struggles, or even just sitting down on the floor to do Legos. He would make himself busy with cooking and cleaning, which I think was a way to avoid having to access his inner child by being playful with the kids. But then I felt displaced from the kitchen and only found my place there when he would go away for work.
   
2. Not wanting to be a part of my healing team for my childhood trauma. Not showing empathy or concern around that, or even curiosity, when midlife began to force me to confront that old business and heal it. Not being outraged on my behalf for the litter girl who was abused. Just basically keeping all of that at arm's length.
   
3. Emphasis on sex without nourishing the emotional vulnerability and closeness that makes sex really romantic and explosive.
   
4. Generally a low tolerance for "discussions." Thinking that the words "Can we talk" was something to fear, something to automatically get defensive and upset about.
   
5. Not understanding that PMS made me blue for a few days every month, and that a woman's monthly cycle is a real thing, not a flaw. And that it didn't mean I was bipolar or a Debbie Downer.
   

So you can imagine when peri hit me like a truck, I did not feel "seen" or supported by my ex. I became basically bedridden, and he took a sabbatical for three months in which he left the house every day to go paint at his studio . He did cook every evening, and he would bring me tea and toast every morning but at some point I was like "Shove this toast up your ass, I want active help and support!"
He did not ever offer to take me to a doctor. He did not ever ask how I was doing except in that chit-chatty way that means nothing . He did not understand, or try to, why I was crying suddenly at the drop of a hat and having anxiety attacks out of theblue. He was like "Well, you are just a depressive person." Um, NO, dude I spent years with you being a supportive, active cool partner and mother. I've been creative, vital, supportive, fun and romantic. So f*ck you telling me I am just a depressive person." He even told the kids, when they asked "Is mom okay," that I was just depressed. And he did not care to do any research, or to ask me "Dear, how can I best support you during this difficult time in your life?"
We eventually started couples' therapy. I was taking all of this accountability for having low sex drive, low motivation, for being weepy, sensitive, tired, for feeling lost in my marriage and in my personal life. No one ever said "Oh, you're 45? Hun, you're in perimenopause." Hell, I didn't even have the dreaded perimenopausal rage that I have heard so much about. I was just weepy and achy and exhausted.
I felt so guilty all the time. So I threw myself into therapy, EMDR, transcranial magnetic stimulation, massage, acupuncture, freaking crystals, sound baths, stretching. I got on meds. Everything I could think of to "fix" myself so that my husband would accept and love me and not neglect or get exasperated by me.
I began to feel betrayed and hopeless. At some point, I retreated into myself and I just stopped trying to make the marriage work, because I was getting nothing out of it. He wasn't changing his defensive position, so I felt there was no hope. It felt like job burnout, where nothing you do is acknowledged or rewarded, so you de-motivate and lose your investment and drive. You feel burned out, apathetic, tired, sad, hopeless.
I did eventually make the very painful choice to walk away. With one young adult child in college and four minor children still under our roof. I have had to grapple with so much bitterness, having to go through the past several years of intense, disabling perimenopause without a husband to nurture me and to help pick up the slack. I feel incredibly triggered when I hear people talking about their husbands. I read about men who are informed, who ask questions, who get involved. I feel massively ripped off that I didn't marry a man who is emotionally literate and who actually showed concern and respect for how hard it is being a woman.
Can anyone relate? Even if you aren't divorced, do you feel frustrated? Or do you feel that your husband has your back?

In Sharp Entertainment’s latest prod-uction, the only show that causes more Biblical Plagues than my drunk uncle at a Bar Mitvah- 90-Day Fiance, we see or protagonists, doing uncoordinated activities while still being hot messes, like toddlers assembling Ikea furniture, will the metaphorical toddlers assemble the furniture, or, will they start whittling shanks instead?
Rob and Sophie
Sophie has left Rob, forever? Yes, maybe, hopefully? Is she done with him, is that wrong? Is Rob getting free porn from strangers? He really is heartbroken. What’s that Dora the Explorer chick up to?
Sophie tells her mom about her prophetic dream- seriously, she might actually be psychic, the first real psychic on this show, ever, which is impressive- unlike Rob! Sophie’s mom does not like Rob, her baby needs to come home. But Sophie isn’t sure.
Gino and Jasmine
Jasmine is meeting Gino’s family, against her will, she is being held hostage at this Palao di Bocce- Coco is praying for her. Gino lists off her favorite people, who are here to get soem answers- and play bocce ball. If you can dodge an awkward question you can dodge a bocce ball!
Gino’s family is being nice to Jamsine- suspiciously nice, they are attracting their prey, and getting dranks, lets play ball! Gino’s family has a very competitive tournament at the reunion, mine just has hitting golf balls into the lake and mystery babies, you can’t knock the mystery babies into the lake and hold the golf balls, the babies aren’t that coordinated.
Gino is impressed with Jasmine’s Bocce Ball Skills, and Gino’s family is not impressed that Jasmine spent $10,000 on Butt Implants, have they seen them though? I haven’t but they’re probably on her OnlyFans, they can contribute to the wedding. That Jasmine is not inviting any of them to, only Coco- and if Coco can pray he may or may or may not be officiating.
Gino’s family doesn’t like this, and wants to know how she will be a productive ‘merican! Didyatakerjubs? Didyegituhprenip? Yah! Jasmine is trying her best, she knows she’s surrounded by her haters, but she’s trying her darndest to belong to this family.
Jasmine makes an excuse to leave- Coco needs to do his, homework, he’s been praying all day and- what the hell is this Gino? Is this liquid lip? It’s not mine!!! It’s the generic Sephora brand for poor- shit I think I have that shade. What a nice shade, not a nice couple.
Gino explains that he has had women who he hasn’t dated or banged in his car, like coworkers, which is plausible, but also- how can two people be so terrible? Did the producers plant that?
Anali and Clayton
New Larissa, we’re calling her, I spelled New Larissa right- New Larissa is getting a T-Shirt, flowers, one sentence in Spanish from New Debbie, and a llama! Ah, a llama, she’s getting a llama- and an expensive temporary gift! Did you know that there’s a horror movie called Llamageddon, I think there’s going to be a sequel called Alpacalypse, I’d also recommend Velocipastor, they are shining example sof having $3,000 and access to a camera.
Clayton tells Anali that his Guinea Pigs are not food. And that, wow, his mother ,oves her- it’s a shame Anali wants to throw her out the train so she can have sex, and not have shit all over the place! The Guinea Pigs are hiding, they googled some shit.
New Larissa wants a couch, and other furniture, did she pack the inffltable couch? My American Girl Doll had one of those. And a Sega Robo Chi Dog toy from McDonalds, I didn’t get a real American Girl Dog like how Clayton didn’t get any pussy. It was red and orange, had a string or a leash- my cheap ass robot dog, not Anali’s pussy. That would be a serious medical condition.
Ashley and Manuel
Hold up, the producer’s citing a red flag, hell has frozen over, no sex can fix this! Stop talking about sex! Sex magic isn’t real, it can’t hurt you! Ashley and Manuel are going to meet her skeptical friends, who speak very little Spanish, do any of these people know what’s going on? What are they doing? Why are theu here? Are the producers paying for their bar tab? When is the next flight to Rochester, NY?
Manuel is 80% sure about this relationship, which, where have we herald that before? Ashley got an extra 25%, good or her. Do these people like Manuel? Manuel hopes so. They don’t need therapy.
Ashley takes Manuel to therapy, because divorce is expensive and Manuel has secrets- is he a drug dealer? Something’s up with that dude. Not the therapist though, she speaks Spanish, she's good. Manuel’s non-cchalant cocky attitude triggers Ashley, so does his secret keeping.
Does anyone think that this dementia due to Alzheimers disease is a dig at Angela? There isn’t even a Jaz Concert, it’s just all bad and lists off how Mykul would get the life insurance money.
Nikki and Justin
NIkki is still horny, but Justin is a busy guy- who ha sthinsg to do, why can’t she just get a prostitute while he does business? She is in heat. Don’t joke around about your ex-girlfriend on the streets!
Speaking of street, Nikki is nervous about meeting Justin’s friends, who will just look at ehr and speak Russian, although Romanian is the official language of Moldova, it’s called Moldovan but basically, there’s also Gagauz, it’s a Turkish Langauge spoken in the South of Moldova.
Nikki recounts their love story, and tries not to dig herself, she digs herself into a hole- she lists off every reason why Justin can do better, who only wish happy and healthy future for her, save your power for our love ton-ight! Sorry, that, Justin’s friends are really nice, when did it become night all of a sudden?
Nikki still has to do some investigating to do though, she’s going to be Inspector Gidget, the well known Chinese knockoff of Inspector Gadget, who can famously transition from man to woman, woman to machine, machine to woman sexually identifying as an apache attack helicopter.
There was an Inspector Gadget movie with Matthew Broderick, anybody else remember that? I also won a VHS copy off “Dunston Checks In” from a radio station so, if you’re a Gen Z kid I am approximately 3,000 years old. My dad had to drive the Neon there. It’s Greek for horse.
Nikki tricks Justin’s friend into going to teh bar to discuss Cunnilingus, so his friends can discuss whether or not she has a penis, are all of these diners getting a discount on their bill? This is a lot of sex talk, are those frogs croaking “Pony” again?
Devin and Nick
Blonde Devin, that’s what we’ll call her, Blonde Devin and New Jihoon meet up with his parents for dinner, where she totally won’t cry, is his ister here too, a child? What emotional Tae Kwon Do will ensue? There’s already something on her teeth, is that a second child?
Devin is interrogated in a language that she only speaks a few words in, and she is pretending not to be here so hard she forgot to eat- and there goes tear number one! The child gets $100! Nick’s mom is surprisingly nice, it’s like he was shooting a promo about his parents, kind of a Sycho Sid Situation, did Blonde Devin eat?
I give this episode 3.8/5 stars, the highlight was close but some Jasmine was edged out, oun intended, by Inspector Gidget and her cunnilingus talk, Jasmine gets the honroable mention, Rob gets a doshonorable mention for being himself, which, there’s no trophy, all you get is a coffee cup that says “You asshole!” on it, I got one for making that baby joke but joke’s on you I was tested for autism as a child.
Speaking of being tested for autism as a child, if you’ve formed a parasocial relationship with me I’m very sorry, Nick proposes for real next week, Manual still isn’t fesisng up, Nikki and Justin go shopping, Anali gets interrogated, and Rob tracks down Sophie. So that’s, absolutely none of those go together so, what color’s your poo first thing in the morning?

Me: why did you marry my mom (Debbie) ((my mother from 3-12 yrs old))?
Him: You needed a someone to take care of you
Me: Why didn’t you let me stay in contact with her after the divorce? Why did it take me 8 years to find out she’s been sending me gifts and cards for YEARS. I still needed a parent. Where were you? (Drunk and fucked up on pain pills)
Him: Well, it is what it is now.
It felt like my mom had died and no one but me cared. I thought she had abandoned me. She didn’t…and now it’s too late to make amends (she passed).
This motherfucker. I intercepted one card and ran to the bathroom while he tried to kick the door down, because it was would make him look bad.
It has always been about HIM.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/throwaway0612107. She posted in amiwrong
Trigger Warning: infidelity
Mood Spoiler: sad
Original Post: September 27, 2023
Throwaway because he knows my username. Edited with names so it's easier to read. No update as of yet because I think about decisions before implementing them. Also, we started couples therapy in September, so it hasn't been that long.
TLDR: My (F35) husband (M35) snapchats with female coworker (F24) daily. Has sent a questionable tiktok to her. She sent him a pic of her in her pajamas. They are #1 bffs on snapchat. I expressed that their relationship made me uncomfortable. He responded by hiding it and lying about talking to her.
Full story:
Coworker (F24), we will call her Debbie, started working with my husband (M35), we will call him Charlie, 2 years ago. Last September, I met her for the first time at a wedding of two of their coworkers. She sat behind us. The girl getting married does not like my husband but he is on the same shift and the whole shift was invited to the wedding. The girl getting married had called Charlie a snake to Debbie in casual conversation - they are not friends and Charlie is generally a good person, imo, so that is not a red flag to me. Debbie told Charlie about this. So, at this point it's a running inside joke that I was privy to. Back to the wedding - Charlie texts Debbie "snake" and Debbie mouths "stahhp" all flirty. I did think it was flirty but thought that may just be her personality.
Fast forward to the shift Christmas party last year. We have been hosting shift Christmas parties at our house for 2 years. The whole shift was there, but Debbie brings her twin sister as her plus one. One thing about their job is it's a male dominated field, but I am friends with a few of his coworkers wives. So during the party, all the women were hanging out, except Debbie and her twin sister. She was hanging with the guys. I just assumed it was because she didn't really know most of the women. No big deal, but the next day, she sends Charlie a couple of photos that she had snapped of him without his knowledge. The photos were accompanied by the text "why did I take these? lol". He showed me this and his response, which was pretty pg, but I did remark something along the lines of "lol I think she has a crush on you". He brushed that off.
Fast forward to February - His coworkers are all in their 20s and they convince Charlie to get snapchat. I have never been a fan of snapchat, and Charlie has never had any form of social media, except Reddit. After he gets snapchat, I notice he is on his phone a lot more. I am naturally a nosy person and I realize that is a flaw of mine. So I notice that he is beginning to talk about Debbie more. And I start questioning who he is chatting with. One thing I notice is that every single time he works overtime, she snaps him and asks him if he is working, or she will ask if he worked it the next day. I tell him she is starting to make me uncomfortable. He brushes that off.
March - We go to a new coworkers house on a Wednesday night for a dinner party. None of the wives that I am friends with are there. I also have to work on Thursday and no one else does. Before we go to the party, we discuss leaving at a reasonable time. At 9:45pm, I ask him what time we are leaving. He hem haws around, and I admittedly get frustrated and walk off. He gets mad and decides he is staying as late as he wants. I keep asking when we are leaving and reminding him that I have to work. I spend the rest of the night crying on the couch in a strangers house. 4 people come to check on me. Charlie and Debbie never do and I can see them sitting beside each other outside. Edit: We end up leaving the party at around 1:30AM.
May - We go to a hot air balloon festival an hour from our home. He sees on her snapchat story that Debbie is about 30 minutes away. He tells her where we are and asks her to meet up. I am not really privy to this conversation except that I asked him who he was talking to and it was her. We get in an argument and leave before she arrives and then he tells me that's what they were talking about.
June - We go to London for vacation and we are arriving back in the states on our anniversary. I post a super cute slideshow. Debbie sees it. Debbie then snaps Charlie about someone breaking into her car. I express that I think it is weird.
August - Charlie says that he stopped talking to Debbie because it made me upset. He has been distancing from me for a few months though, so I still have a gut feeling that something isn't right. He got a new phone in July, but saved his old phone. I let my intrusive thoughts win and I look at his old phone. Charlie and Debbie talked on the phone for 45 minutes while I was at work and they were both off work. I log into Charlie's tiktok account. He sent her a video from Barstool sports of a girl telling a guy "I have a crush on you" and the guy reacting really good to it. Two days before he sent that video, Debbie reposts one that says "When you are trying to go to sleep but all you can think about wanting him in your bed." Two days after he sent her the crush video, she reposts a video that says "The most confusing place you can be is knowing you have a connection with someone but you're not officially together but your more than friends". I confront him and tell him that this is an inappropriate relationship. After I confront him, she deletes her videos. He claims he didn't talk to her about it and still maintains that they stopped talking.
Last week: I decide to check his snapchat on his old phone because I'm still having a gut feeling. They have been #1 bffs on snapchat for at least two weeks. They talk every single day. She sends him a pic of herself in her pajamas ("now I'm in my pjs lol") while I'm looking. It wasn't risque but I have never once sent any of my male friends a selfie of myself - much less in my pajamas. I tell him I am not comfortable with their friendship and I would like him to stop being friends with her. Side note- we are in couple's therapy as well.
During a fight he tells me that he likes having friends. I have no problem with any of his other friends. I ask him why he lied and said he stopped talking to her. He said because he knew I didn't like it. I feel like I can no longer trust him , and he basically told me that he would rather be friends with her than married to me. I have asked all of my friends if I am overreacting and all of them have told me to leave him. We have been married 13 years and together a total of 15 years.
So reddit - am I overreacting?
Edited a few typos.
Relevant Comments:
What does your therapist say?
"Therapist doesn't understand why he just won't stop talking to her but also doesn't believe that it will be enough for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️"
Is he attractive?
"I mean, I personally think he is attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️"
How is your sex life?
"I can only give my point of view, but to answer your question, it was good until a month ago. And he doesn't want it."
Update Post: October 29, 2023 (1 month later)
TLDR : divorce incoming
So I gave him an ultimatum (do not recommend) and he has a lawyer friend. He went to see his friend two days later. He decided it wasn't for him. Our therapist convinced him to block the coworker. We were working on the marriage.
I honestly think we were making progress. We were starting to be able to talk about issues without them getting super heated. He was actually opening up in therapy.
And then he was triggered by his avoidant attachment style. He went to Debbie's birthday dinner and I didn't. He stayed at his parents house and came home the next day. I got a Snapchat request from a new female friend and noticed on my list that Debbie had a top friend in common with me. I don't really use Snapchat except to send videos to a female friend that has iPhone while I have an android. So I have two best friends on Snapchat. Carrie and Charlie. Debbie has the sunglasses emoji next to her name on my list. It can only mean that Charlie added her back.
I asked him to pack a bag and leave. I'm calling a lawyer ASAP Monday. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Relevant Comments:
OOP answers some questions:
Commenter: Damn OP that really sucks but I'm glad you stood up for yourself. What was the reason he decided to go to the party? Also, why did he stay at his parents that's really suspicious. How did he react when you asked him to leave?
OOP: "He had told me about the party Wednesday and we had planned to go together. Friday morning we had a counseling appointment and the therapist basically told him he needed to start feeling his feelings instead of bottling them in. This triggered his avoidant attachment style. He seemed down all day and I told him I wasn't going to the party. He told me that he wasn't going to change right before he left and I told him we couldn't work without change. That's why he stayed at his parents. He came back Saturday and I asked him to leave Saturday night."
Appointment update:
"Appointment with the lawyer is Tuesday."

Angela offers Liz a dress, and the pilot for the Mimosa Hoes Comedy Hour- which may or may not be a Podcast, that I would listen to, isn’t it awfully convenient that the dress fits Liz? Is this a two-hour episode? Anybody want to start that podcast? fine, why is Liz dressed like a hobo? Which is fair, she is a woman who is consensually- was that in her contract?
Ominous copyright free music, dear god it’s Angela! She’s talking about her sex life! Is this the Blair Witch Project? No, the breakdown of a marriage? Hopefully, I have never wanted love to die harder than this, will Asuelu’s mom care? She’d be a great divorce lawyer, “I don’t care about the kids, I just want the money!”
Angela celebrates making it to the end, and somehow- seriously how did she do that? Which one of them was praying to Satan? All of them they, Liz was praying to Baphomet, he’s different Liz, know your demons! The therapists learn about the boat fight, and The Spanish-American War gives a PSA about the dangers of boats, and for once I agree with him. This is, Debbie still wants to kick his ass, progress.
By the way, Angela and Mykul are still somehow the only couple- she’s still holding onto the divorce papers. Yara, please talk bad about your husband, he is undeserving of adverbs. Yara, and the therapists are ashamed and embarrassed- especially the Psychic one, who saw this coming, she watched the show.
Jovi realizes that he might be being a dick, and he needs to earn Yara’s forgiveness- hey Asuelu how are you doing? Worse than me? Did that strip club field trip cotribute to the divorce? Apparently, thsi is a big shock, Big Shock is also Dallas’s stripper name. Kalani is about to get a BIG Shock tonight.
The Spanish-American War is worried about Asuelu, who had two kids for a reason- condoms are for slut people. Asuelu needs to focus on being a dad. Anyway, the recommitment ceremony! Two of you won’t be there. Here are some souvenir cards for the road.
Yara gets a counseling session from the psychic, who wonders why she has to feel shame for Jovi? Can’t he be ashamed for himself? Can’t people be their own hot messes- Yara can she has soem issues, with shame. Yara’s sister and mother sound terrible.
The therapist does an exercise to help Yara with her shame, what other words could she ass on, that are true to make her feel differntly? Your uncle is drunk, or, you could record that shit and put it on Youtube, see, “Drunk Uncle Sings ‘All Star’”, the alphabet with my drunk uncle- confronting my drunk uncles' fear of horses, I feel so much better now.
Liz also has a lot to think about, she has a ring but does he deserve it? Does he take this relationship seriously? Why are Kalani and Asuelu going to the commitment ceremony? They are doing the opposite of commitment. “A Roamntic Poem About Thrush”, man who attempts the English Langauge, everyone else isn’t doing much better.
Yara decides to confront Jovi, why are strippers hotter than her, why them? Seriously, why, she is an attractive woman! Spend time with her, get sex! Jovi learns that Yara is insecure- which she already told, yes, you were hurting her! It is affecting her in a negative way! The sky is blue! You will not go back to a strip club! Unless the producers pay you, to go to the strip club! Jovi is going to prove himself, Yara is going to trust him so hard.
The ladies get dressed for the ceremony- and Kolini is also confused, why is Kalani going? It was in her contract, what’s in mine? Where’s my kidney? Where is Oliver’s Kidney? Where is Oliver? Kalani asks Kolini to tell her what to say to Asuelu- and she imemdeatly starts reciting the lyrics to “I Don’t F*** With You”, so Kalani does bullet points.
Angela is allowed back onto the resort property for filming, after 1-8 sedagives, which is 17 medical marijuanas, and she is full of compliments for Yara- so is Kalani, it was in her contract, is that Liz at the door? Are they getting drunk? This is fine, why is Liz dessed like a hobo? Which is fair, she is a woman who is consensually- was that in her contract?
Angela offers Liz a dress, and the pilot for the Mimosa Hoes Comedy Hour- which may or may not be a Podcast, that I would listen to, isn’t it awfully convenient that the dress fits Liz? Is this a two hour episode? Anybody want to start that podcast?
The boys are nervous, as they should be, “Horny Dudes at a Strip Club” doesn’t sound nearly as entertaining. Will their women take them back, will three out of four of their, Asuelue’s bucket hat looks fantastic.
Angela is up first- and she whips out the divorce, she was saving all the drama for the end! She rips up the divorce papers, and admits that she needs to work on herself and her- was she, the main problem? Is there a hot buffet after this?
I give this episode ⅘ stars, the highlight was feminism- which Angela was somehow, 3 out of 4 of these women stood up for their damn selves! Yes, why are they even with these men, on this- money, Angela was compensated generously to not be herself, as much, how many sedagives did they give her? Yara’s family, and the entire country of Ukraine get a dishonorable mention- for being terrible! her but if you saw the commercial you would too.
The next *beautiful* couple is Jovi and Yara, and, Jovi is ready, is Yara- oh look, a commercial, is anyone else getting a creepy ass comemrcial for *real* fur coats? Who knew that so many pimps lived in (Town Redacted), there’s this one lady with dead eyes who I’m convinced is plotting to steal all the coats, she has that “Gone Girl” Swagger, and the demeanor of of a psychopath, I’ve never met her but if you saw the commercial you would too.
Anyway, Yara is ready to rededicate, because Mylah, that, they are going to work on their, they have a Youtube channel this shit has tow ork out- Yara has made him a famous, better person. Yara’s vows are also heartfelt, and sound genuine, Jovi forgot the part about staying out of Strip Clubs.
Liz and her partner are next, and The Spanish American War makes it all about him, which was the top story on “Bears Shit in the Woods News”, the only show with more animalistic journalism than Fox News. And even he screws that up by re-proposing, too early, and in bear sports the bears tore apart the rabbits, that’s it, that’s bear sports, now the weather. Liz recommits, because it’s in he contract- and she has the ring, how much could they get for a marriage special?
Kalani feels so lonely, is Dallas rising out of the ocean like Aquaman? That would be kind of awesome, do they need more alcohol, seriously? Dear god they’re dancing!
I give this episode ⅘ stars, the highlight was feminism- which Angela was somehow, 3 out of 4 of these women stood up for their damn selves! Yes, why are they even with these men, on this- money, Angela was compensated generously to not be herself, as much, how many sedagives did they give her? Yara’s family, and the entire country of Ukraine get a dishonroable mention- for being terrible!
And next week, there is no next week, which is not terrible but I’d love to hear what the kids have to say about the public divorce, and Strip Clubs in the New Orleans Area losing 10% of their profits- because someone doesn’t want their husband going there! Yara really is so terrible, sarcasm, are they still dancing? Well, time to turn that off, who left this variety of weapons by my? Rope, I wasn’t a Boy Scout!