hi there! i’m posting in hopes of finding some long term company to make these days a little less lonely and boring. i’m open to seeing where things go with someone as well.
here’s a bit about me!
my hobbies are reading, cooking, video and board games, sleeping, singing, and music. i have a pretty serious food allergy, so i’ve been wanting to learn more about baking and substitutions.
i have 3 cats, they’re my 🌎.
looks wise, i’m 5’1, white, with freckles and tattoos. i’m kinda in between skinny and obese, lol more plus sized if anything. i’m working on weight loss though and enjoying the progress!
2 possible deal breakers- i am 420 friendly/active and i want to have kids (or 1) someday.
i’m open to long distance and i don’t mind where you’re from!
hope to hear from ya soon.

Hi I’m ash. I’m too bored and procrastinating studying rn haha Ik I shouldn’t but here we are. Well I love cooking, movies, dramas and music. My life’s pretty boring tbh so u can spark it up a lil bit with ur presence. I just finished watching queen of tears on Netflix I loved it I would love to receive ur favourite Netflix series or movies. So if u wanna be my friend just hmu 🎀

TLDR: I've been seeing this guy for 3.5 months. I said something offensive and now I'm considering to leave him because I think he'd be better off without me.
Long version
Let me tell you a bit about myself first. I'm 26F, senior at college. I've been in a long relationship that ended last year. We lived together pretty much the entire time. But I was mentally checked out for the last year or two. When we finally broke up and he left the apartment, I didn't want a relationship for a long time. I was ok flirting a bit here and there, but in the end I didn't want anything serious. Fast forward to February 2024. Finals were over, my friends went back to their hometowns to visit their families. I had to stay in town for a bit longer for some paperwork. I've been all alone almost for a couple weeks. So I posted on a reddit sub, looking for a friend to get a cup of coffee and chat.
I met with someone who reached out. He's 4 years younger than me, but studying a similar subject. He's kind, funny, educated himself in so many areas. He's not "omg look at that hottie" kind but more like "wow, he's kinda got a charm" kinda looking guy, to me at least. I didn't think or want anything other than friendship when we met up. We had the best time ever. We parted and next morning he immediately hit me up with a date request. I was shocked and panicked. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship and he said "it's okay, I just want to get to know you"
We went on the date, it was kinda awkward since I hadn't been on a date for literally years lol but I guess it was alright. We went to see a play and had dinner after. After that night he told me he liked me. I said it's too soon. He gave me some space since he was gonna be out of town for a couple weeks, but we kept texting. The day he got back, he immediately asked to meet up for a coffee. I accepted since I didn't have anything else to do. He's easy to talk to and he can lead the conversation pretty smoothly. He's definitely charming, I'm never bored with him. We laugh and talk. We spent a month like that and we finally became closer, not really a couple but just close. Right before I left, we became intimate and it wasn't really what I expected... But I didn't lose attraction to him, we both weren't very experienced anyway. We finally cuddled and I fell asleep for a minute, then I woke up to the sound from the movie. He was whispering to me that he loves me and I'm so beautiful, thinking I'm still sleeping. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to say I love him too. It was too soon for me.
I thought we would lose contact when I left town but we kept talking and we became even much closer. He keeps me informed like where he is, who he is with, stuff like that etc like we're a couple. I wasn't quite ready to be there yet. I let him know that I want to spend more time together and make sure how I feel but I told him that I liked him and cared about him. He was okay with waiting. We spent weeks like this, kinda like LDR. He's always kind and funny and charming. I have my doubts time to time since he's a bit younger and sometimes he can be a little childish as well but not in an annoying way.
Fast forward to last night, we were on the phone and we were talking about something and laughing. Then I reminded him a conversation we had and that I sent him a youtube video, and said "it was like I was making a child watch a video to keep them busy", we have an inside running joke that he's a child because he's younger than me. It's definitely a joke, he calls me milf if you wanna know. We both have inside jokes like that.
But he was really offended by it and giving me the cold shoulder since. He was really calm and sad the whole conversation. It broke my heart that knowing I hurt him. He's a good person and I don't think he deserves this. I didn't even think it was a big deal until he said it was heartbreaking that I even thought of this, let alone saying it.
So my question is, even though it's not an established relationship, should I leave him and let him be happier with someone who won't hurt him?
This man absolutely adored and worshipped me and made me feel like I was important. Ofc there were times I didn't feel like it but it was still better than anything I had. And I can't believe I hurt him for something so stupid.
Tell me what to do reddit?

This is a long-winded post, but please bear with me. Okay jumping in…..so, I have this friend. She's 28, totally gorgeous, kinda became successful at a very young age, transplanted to the U.S. from another country when she was 19 to start working more seriously, etc.
She had a serious boyfriend for 3½ years. It seemed like they were soulmates to the rest of us in their friendship circles. After a few months we were all pretty close-knit, since their two friend groups spilled into each other. We did everything together, all the time. Dinners at each other's' houses, going to bars/restaurants, concerts, road trips, etc. Pretty quickly into that relationship my friend basically adopted her boyfriend's passions of photography and hiking into being her own. Let me also say.. this dude was a blue-collar working guy in the same field as her, 7 years older than she, and she was far more “successful” than he was. Didn't matter, they were genuinely in love. Posting each other's photos on Instagram all the time, constantly bringing each other up in conversations, etc.
Things were going well, until 2 years ago. After my friend and her boyfriend went away on separate jobs for a month….. she came back to town in love with her new “coworker”. Totally left-field, and all of us who were mutual friends of the two were shocked by this. No one had any inkling of a problem between them. All we got when we asked what happened was a “well things change, but, we're still staying friends”. Obviously, to those of us who are their friends, something seemed shady about what went down and we couldn't put our finger on what it could be. Sure, people fall out of love, or things run their course, but this was far too random and the timing was so odd. Neither one is religious, neither cares about marriage, non-abusive, they're both liberal, etc. So there was literally no signs of any troubles on that front.
The guy my friend has been with for the past two years since is a great person. Very funny dude, and a sweetheart. Would give someone the shirt off of his back. He's also more successful than she is in her same field, and is only 4 years older. We friends all like him well enough, but the friendship group dynamics have shifted considerably, obviously. Within months of the shocking breakup two years ago, she immediately co-opted this new guy's friend circle as her own, and some of us were kinda left out in the cold for a little while. Gradually she started to include us into the new guy's group, and we all get along well…. But, there's also a weird tension now that wasn't there before. We all feel it.
When a handful of us friends from her group run into mutual friends of her ex, we always wonder amongst ourselves what happened with their relationship…. The ex, still an awesome dude in his own right, hasn't really gotten over the breakup. He says he's doing fine and all that, but we can tell he isn't the same. Granted it has been two years, but his photos of my friend are still on his instagram, along with all of his romantic comments to her from years ago. He throws himself into his job, travels, but when he is home, he just stays inside or goes on long hikes with one other person. My friend still follows him and she likes his posts sometimes, but from what I'm told from his own best friends is that when they've talked since the break-up it's very superficial…. Surface-level conversations with no real substance.
For a year after the breakup, my friend kept talking nostalgically about her past - like it was so distant. Age 19, with a great job, running around L.A. with new friends, etc. She would bring up that back then she felt like an “adult” and was sure of who she was….but since then, she's realized she has no clue who she is and wants to find herself. This kind of talking set off alarm bells with a few of us in her circle, and we sort of felt like maybe there is more to our friend than we realize. She really dove into the relationship with the guy she is with now, and I think it's fair to say the ex was discarded. At least that's the vibe a couple of us have post-breakup.
She doesn't post anything with the guy she's with now. Or, she does… but she doesn't tag him in the photos (and they're long shots from far away). She rarely posts him, and vice versa. The last time I think they posted each other was on their Instagram story on Valentine's Day months ago. Yet, oddly, since she's started dating him she's come out of her “shell” more and is behaving in a much more ambitious outgoing way than she was with the ex. Again, it is like she is adopting her boyfriend’s traits into her own.
I guess the discussion I'd like to have is… is my friend a usemanipulator with a mental illness? Is she capable of being “happy”, or is she bad news? Sure, millions of people have broken up for a multitude of reasons. Maybe she genuinely just wasn't into the ex anymore… but people don't just fall out of love at random and discard someone they say is their soulmate for another man within a month’s time. I'm talking all-in on the relationship with this newer guy, yet she doesn't post it publicly like the previous one, and she keeps us at arm’s length sometimes from him and his friends. One of our mutual buddies, who is more outspoken and is about to end their friendship with her, thinks she's just “recharging her batteries” and will end up discarding this guy as well in a year or two. We're thinking about talking to her about all of this soon.
She's always seemed like such a great friend and an empath. But, given her behavior over the past two years, some of us are wondering if we should continue being friends with her. Breaking up with someone you're “soulmates” with and getting someone new within a month and going 100% all-in… to me just screams emotional immaturity and that she probably has unrealistic expectations of what she wants in someone. Like she traded the ex dude for someone who had a piece of what she thinks she's looking for. Or do you redditors think she likely got bored, and longed for the early honeymoon period of sunshine and rainbows again with someone else (which is selfish/narcissistic)
Please be nice in your responses. Thanks. :)

We have a lot of guys on the roster that carried over from Rivera where it's somewhat unclear if they're actually shitty players or if they just looked like that due to the circumstances they were surrounded by. I was wondering about some of them earlier:
Jamin Davis: We all know he was a reach, and we've been upset since he was drafted because there were better options and Ron Rivera is a moron. He has great physical traits though - he's huge for a LB and very fast/athletic. The question was always whether or not he could get properly coached up and "get it", which we assumed was happening because fucking Ron Rivera and Jack Del Rio were linebackers, and Ron coached one of the best linebackers in recent memory down in Carolina. His first two seasons were rough, but the entire defense was dogshit last season and Jamin looked actually pretty decent in a lot of situations. He was smarter in coverage, smarter in run support, and actually got to showcase his athleticism on a handful of occasions. He's going to be playing next to Luvu who is the opposite of him - a guy without major physical gifts who managed to grind his way to being a good NFL starter with high motor plays and intelligent positioning, and a future hall of famer in Bobby Wagner. We didn't pick up his rookie contract options, and that was intentional to motivate him to show this new staff something. I think that he has a chance to actually be used as a disruptive player and get him into the backfield where he belongs, I think he will have a surprisingly good season this year.
Forbes: He's been sort of talked to death. Does he even have the size necessary to play on the outside at this level? Does he have the skill? Can we un-do whatever the fuck that high school DB coach "taught" him last season and put him into positions where he can succeed, preferably where he can ball hawk and not where he's matched up with a 230 pound physical monster of a WR who kicks his ass all over the field? I'm not so sure on this guy. I don't think there's really a place for him at this level or with what I expect our defensive staff to want to do in the secondary. He's not nearly good enough of a tackler to use him as a FS and let him ball hawk, he's not big enough to play man coverage. If I had to guess, I'd say he's probably going to have a rough year and be a rotational guy, but I'd be ecstatic to be proven wrong about that. Dan Quinn's defenses have always screamed "physical" in the secondary, and this guy is the opposite of that. I don't know if they're expecting to use him as the 2nd CB and put him in those outside situations opposite St-Juste, but I don't really envision that going particularly well if they do. I don't know who you go with if it's obvious in camp that he's not panning out. Sainristil is a tad on the small side to put on an island outside (though I think he'd handle it better than Forbes at least). Maybe they see Michael Davis doing that and will only use Forbes and Sainristil inside? I have no idea.
St-Juste: I think this guy could have a better upswing than anyone else in the secondary because of his size and the way he plays. He's the most physical corner we carried over, and I expect to see him put in a lot of situations close to the LOS in man coverage, which is how a guy like him should be used. I don't know if he can actually lock a #1 WR down consistently, but I think with his traits he has the potential to have a much better season than we've seen out of him in the previous 3.
Quan Martin: I expect him to really take a step at safety. I really liked what I saw out of him, but I also hated the idea of taking a guy who was a very solid college safety and trying to turn him into a CB. I see him as the deep cover safety who roams and supports over the top vs. Chinn who is clearly here to get in the box and hit. I see him in the Kam Chancellor role vs. Chinn's Earl Thomas mostly because he has a good nose for the ball. I think he has a chance to surprise a lot of people.
Jahan Dotson: He's an odd case. His rookie season where he caught 35 passes for 523 yards and 7 TDs was seen as excellent, which it should have been. He really ran crisp routes and looked awesome in space. We all understood that he was doing especially well considering he was catching balls from Carson Wentz and Taylor Heinicke. Then this past season he caught 49 for 518 and 4 TDs and it's seen as a catastrophe outside the fanbase. I think that most of us believe that something weird went on with him and Howell and Bieniemy. His production was pretty much the same, in fact, contrary to popular opinion that Sam Howell didn't look for him, or Bieniemy neglected to design plays for him, in 2022 we threw the ball 531 times, and he was targeted 61 of those times (11.4% of all passing coming his way). In 2023, we threw the ball 601 times, and he was targeted 83 of them (13.8% of all passing). His receptions went up, his yardage and TDs went down. Was this because of poor play design? Did Bieniemy send him on routes that just didn't make a lot of sense for the type of receiver he is? Did he have trouble getting open? When he was open, did Sam Howell hold on to the ball or have a hard time finding him? I can't really say. I want to believe that he's going to progress into an 800-900 yard deep threat and or YAC machine, because he looked like he was going to become that guy after his first two seasons. He could just be a single competent quarterback or OC away from a breakout year, or maybe he's just that 500 yards and 4-6 TD kind of guy and that's all he'll ever be. I really have no idea. My wishful thinking and hope says he's going to break out and Kingsbury will utilize him correctly. There isn't a great analogue to Jahan's situation from his time in Arizona.
That's just the stuff off the top of my head, feel free to add, disagree, or fill in some blanks. I know it's all just pointless speculation, but what else are we here for?

According to things I’m reading today
…..
https://www.football.london/arsenal-fc/transfer-news/aaron-ramsdale-agreed-newcastle-transfer-29188821.amp
Goalkeeper - Aaron Ramsdale -

• in from Arsenal is a done deal, already agreed with player and his agent, much to the disgust of his club and their fans. Would probably come in as a no1 to fight for the role with Pope and Dubs (if someone doesn’t have another hissy fit). I can believe this one
  
• if he’s not been playing enough he/his agent can contractually according to the rules force a transfer potentially even on a free if he hasn’t hit the required %.
  
• would be likely replace Dubs, if Dubs stays (which I don’t see happening) it would leave us 3/4 very capable keepers depending on below he’s done quite well in Popes enforced absence, I don’t think he will want to stay.
  

Goalkeeper - Alex McCarthy - Free Transfer -

• likely to be in bound as a replacement for the likely to be outbound Karius.

…….
Central defence - right footer - Tosin Adarabioyo - Free Transfer

• if speculation about it is right Fulham’s player sounds like an odds on but who knows for sure, could be a great signing and a sure fire replacement in waiting for Schar with the potential to be even better.
  
• would probably free up for Lachelles to potentially move on if he so desires but he’s rated by Howe so he might just be kept around still depending on squad space.
  

…..
Central defence - left footer - Lloyd Kelly - Free Transfer

• a move for Bournemouth’s player on free sounds like it could be have substance given Howe previously signed the player he obviously fits with his ideals. Would also give us added cover at left back much like BDB does currently but probably arguably a younger upgrade with even more added potential to thrive under Howe and become a special player if he keeps from injury.
  
• likely gives a replacement for Dummet who’s going anyway.
  

……
Speculation ? I could probably link lots of players but the interesting one is probably
Right wing - Raphina

• The Barcelona player has supposedly been listed as someone they want to move on and he’s one of Howe’s preferred targets. Also a target if Arsenal though I’m led to believe.
  
• would be a capable replacement for Almiron or Murphy and a world class one at that, if Minteh is not being loaned and is staying that would leave us with 2 very capable right wingers and with one able to learn as apprentice in waiting from the other. That would leave Gordon and Barnes fighting it out for the right side.
  
• Wages would possibly be the big crux.
  

Who have you heard ?

Hello! I am back with a request for recs! And of course I will add mine too.
I was wondering if anyone had any high angst books with arranged or forced marriage (or marriage of convenience) or arranged/force bond in case it is an omegaverse-type book or a biokink type of book. By high angst I am mainly looking for stories where there is some kind of distrust between the characters (for different reasons, any is fine!) that is overcome through the story!
Things that I absolutely (sadly) cannot read: mafia, incest.
Things that I would prefer not to read but it is okay if they are not very prominent: age gap, daddy kink.
Here are the ones I have read! And if there are no new recs for me I am just happy to share the list I have (this is my favorite trope!). I thought to divide them between arranged and forced, but I think the ones where both characters fully consented were very little (for angst reason!), so I will write in the description the status of consent too. Instead, I divided them in non-omegaverse/bond and omegaverse.
Arranged or forced marriage/bond (no omegaverse)

• {Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell} Sci-fi futuristic, probably my favorite arranged marriage novel. MC1 is the cousin of the prince, and after the prince's death he is quickly asked to marry the prince's windower. MC2 is cold and very devoted to his duty, while MC1 is more casual even if quite kind and well meaning. Some very high tension deriving from the fact that MC2's previous husband was controlling and abusive and MC2 prepares himself for the same treatment from MC1. A lot of focus on the political plot too.
• {Ocean's echo by Everina Maxwell} Sci-fi futuristic, forced bonding (no marriage). MC1 is a "reader" (of minds and space) and after angering the authorities one time too many he is sent to be bonded to MC2, a lieutenant on a ship. The relationship starts rocky and antagonistic, and the book focuses heavily on the plot. Also the bonding is actually fake, they just pretend to be bonded.
• {The High King's Golden Tongue by Megan Derr} Fantasy, arranged marriage. MC1 has been raised to be the perfect prince and study diplomacy, languages and etiquette. He joins MC2 (the king) at court to marry him but MC2 immediately refuses. MC2 has been previously married and his husband has died, he also would prefer to marry a soldier given his kingdom is at war. Still, aftet a bit MC2 does try to be kinder.
• {Vampire with Benefits by E. J. Russell} Contemporary, very low angst, more of a comedic adorable book. MC1 is a vampire who has to accept the match given to him by the Supernatural selection institute or he will be killed, MC2 is a werebeaver who is looking for a match after his old lover left him. Instant dislike but also quite a lot of attraction and yeah this was just hilariously sweet. Technically they are not arranged to marry (they are not each other's match) but given they marry because of the whole arranged deal I decided to add it here.
• {Wed to the Barbarians by Keira Andrews} Medieval-like world. MC1 is a prince who enjoys reading smut novels and saving birds. MC2 is the son of the chief of a northern kingdom just now opening its borders. MC1 finds out of the marriage a day before it and is not too happy about it, also MC2 treats him quite harshly as he despises the fact that MC1 looks so weak. In reality MC2 agrees to marry MC1 because of a political plot which really amps up the angst. The book has a bit of initial angst regarding the marriage, with the bulk of it then happening after MC2 falls for MC1. Also a lot of insta lust moments from MC1.
• {A strange and stubborn endurance by Meadows Foz} Fantasy, MC1 and MC2 marry for an alliance between nations. MC1 comes from a homophobic society and he knew nothing of the marriage until he has to leave to join MC2, while MC2 agreed to marry. The story is mainly revolving around an assassination attempt plot, and has minimal tension and angst between the characters. There is a bit of tension at the beginning because MC1 was sexually assaulted by his previous lover and afraid that the same would happen to him with MC2, but I think the tension only lasts for the first 30% of the book or less. Generally the relationship is quite low angst after the start, and sweet.
• {The replacement husband by Eliot Grayson} Historical (regency I think?) with magic, where some men are blessed by the Goddess, which means that they can marry other men and in return the goddess will bless their husbands. This is more of a marriage of necessity/convenience. MC1 is seduced by MC2's brother, and when MC2's brother leave him after ruining his reputation, MC2 decides to step in and marry MC1. I admit I did not finish it, it felt very sweet and low angst.
• {The reluctant husband by Eliot Grayson} Same universe as the one above. This one is one of my favorite and a beautiful angst-feast! The protagonist is the brother who ruined the reputation of the previous book's protagonist. MC1 is known to be a rake, he seduces and moves on, until he also falls in disgrace when the woman he married asks for a divorce. MC2 is an old school rival/enemy who finds out that MC1 is touched by the goddess and has been hiding it this whole time. MC2 asks MC1 to marry him so he can get the blessing and hopefully save his own sick cousin. Very high animosity, MC2 truly despises MC1, and mistreat him quite a lot.
• {Tournament of Losers by Megan Derr} One of my favorite novels ever. Fantasy (low magic), set in a kingdom where a tournament (of losers) is sometimes instated to decide which people among the commoners will marry some of the nobles of different ranks. MC1 is a dock worker and sometimes sex worker scrambling for money and he decides to partecipate, mainly because all partecipants receive a stipend. One of his clients is MC2 who is actually one of the nobles MC1 could end up marrying if he wins. So this is arranged in the sense that a tournament arranges it, but both the MC love each other's by the time that happens.
• {Quest of Fools by Megan Derr} Same universe as the book above, much lower angst and I admit I could never finish it because the focus was often away from the main characters. MC1 is a commoner with a big family (lots of children) who wins the hand of MC2, a nobleman, at the tournament of losers.
• {Force by Kiki Burelli} Contemporary with magic and werewolves. MC1 is a werewolf who has to marry a witch (MC2) as an old agreement to keep the peace. MC2 has been raised to be the perfect husband and is determined to be so, which ends up in MC1 finding out about the extent of abuse and training MC2 went through. MC1 does not want to marry at all, while MC2 marries thinking that is his only role. It is actually pretty sweet, it starts with some animosity and accidental carelessness from MC1's side but turns quite sweet.
• {Thrust by Kiki Burelli} Same universe as the book above. MC1 (of a close pack to MC of previous book) has been used by his father for a lot of failed matches, mainly as a way to get some gain from other packs and clans. MC2 is a witch who has been in an abusive marriage and is now forced by his family to marry MC1. I could not finish this one, sorry, but this is an enemies to lovers, with a lot of distrust from MC2 in particular.
• {The Infidelity clause by Lisa Oliver} Medieval like world. MC1 is a prince who agrees to marry another prince, MC2, because he knows MC2 is a known libertine. For this reason MC1 added to the contract an infidelity clause and he hopes he will soon see the marriage broken because of it (which will allow his kingdom many benefits). MC2 considers himself only attracted to women and had no idea he is to marry MC1 until the two meets. Extremely low angst regarding the relationship, in the sense that the book almost has insta-attraction and insta-love (literally within two days), I could barely keep up. I admit I could not finish it.
• {Lost and Bound by Eliot Grayson} Contemporary, werewolves. More of a bond of necessity/convenience. MC1 is a werewolf who has been locked up in an experimental facility. When the scientists are done with him they leave him in the cell of MC2, an aggressive werewolf who has been turned into something close to a half-vampire (he does drink blood). The scientists know MC2 will end up killing MC1, but instead MC1 manages to convince MC2 to bond with him. I loved this book, very high angst, so much tension, just wow.

Arranged of forced marriage/bond (omegaverse)

• {Unnatural by Alessandra Hazard} Sci-fi futuristic, omegaverse alpha/alpha, arranged marriage (bond is not an option at least at the start). MC1 is an alpha and a prince and he has to marry MC2 (senator of a nearby country) to keep the peace of the planet. MC1 has always preferred alpha or beta lovers so he chooses MC2, who is only pretending to be a beta (he is an alpha). The marriage is arranged, and there is an immediate distaste and dislike. Unfortunately the book ended up in a strange and weird place. It is revealed that MC1 was always an omega and has been genetically modified by his father in an attempt to make him an alpha. He still stays an alpha at the end of the book, but I felt like it went against the whole premise.
• {Omega required by Dessa Lux} Contemporary omegaverse werewolves alpha/omega, arranged marriage that is arranged between the two characters themselves. MC1 is a medical student who wants to work with humans, but because he is an alpha he can only do so if he has a pack or a mate. MC2 is an omega resting in a facility after his previous pack and mate abused him. They decide to marry for convenience, and it is a very very sweet, low angst book (as much as I could read). Insta-trust as well.
• {Honeythorn by Marina Vivancos} Historical (regency) omegaverse alpha/omega. MC1 is an omega who is sent into another country to marry MC2 (an alpha) who is known to be a bit of a recluse. They both are part of the nobility. The building of trust was pretty quick, so I did not manage to finish it, but I think if you are looking for a relatively low angst sweet story this might be it. Arranged marriage and both are pretty okay with it. Also if I am not wrong, in this omegaverse the omega needs constant care/attention from the alpha or they will feel sick.
• {Cherryvine by Marina Vivancos} Same world as the one before. MC1 is an omega whose husband died (and whose husband was absent, negligent and abusive) and he moves to marry MC2 who is an alpha and very patient in gaining MC1's trust.

So for context I go to the gym most mornings, on my days off, later. The later days there’s always this girl who LITERALLY stares at me during sets. She’s a much bigger build, covered in tattoos with a topknot.. bearing in mind we always say hi or she smiles at me etc. Not huge conversations because I’m focussed on my workouts so I don’t want to socialise, just do the thing and leave. But it’s such a regular routine that it does take away my focus.
Today she came into the showers just as I was getting out, I wrap a towel around my waist because I don’t really care who sees my chest but she just stood a bit taken a back when getting to her locker. I made eye contact and said ‘alright?’ And she smiled back.
As I’m drying off she asks if I’ve got much on today and I tell her I’m just running errands in town etc, ask her and she to is going to the same place as me. I take it as a ‘we’re both free today and alone’.
I ask if she fancies grabbing a coffee, my treat and if so maybe I could get her number to text her there?
She shoots me an awful look and says “look, I’m not gay if that’s what you’re suggesting and I don’t like coffee”
I played it off cool and just said I only suggested because it’s nice to have company when doing boring stuff plus I feel less guilty buying coffee if I’m treating someone as well (coffee has gone up in price man)
I feel stupid but I just thought there was something between us and I’m confident in making the first move 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've recently halfway come out of an episode and became sort of self aware of my actions, but I realized during this time that I've been trapped in the dreaded cycle of isolation basically my entire life at this point. I have always had an issue with being able to have uncomfortable conversations with people, and when that does happen or someone does hurt me whether it is intentional or not, instead of talking to them about it I will usually resort to something drastic like completely taking myself out of their life either online or even in person too. I have been doing this for so many years at this point even with people that I never wanted to lose simply because I was afraid of uncomfortable conversations or genuinely taking accountability for certain things I said or did when I was hurt and upset at everyone.
This cycle has left me with basically nobody left in my life because I will always go radio silent and never find my way back into their life, usually online where most times I'll usually never be able to find their username again because I delete my accounts to get away. I had never realized until recently how much this has only hurt me and the people who I loved and were close to, especially when I told them that I did truly love them, but I was so afraid of those feelings and closeness that I pushed them out of my life. I cannot express to anyone how much I miss a lot of those people that I pushed away and out of my life, but there isn't a way to go back to them because I can't find them and I can't imagine ever forgiving anyone if I was ever put into a situation like I put other people into when it comes to that.
I have always had an insecurity of being a selfish person my entire life, but I just wish I could go back and explain to them what was going through my mind and my reasoning wasn't entirely selfish and that I was doing it for them because I didn't want them to be miserable or hurt when they were with me anymore. I never realized that nobody was really miserable around me even when I was so scared of it, but the people who abused me were the ones who said that even though I did everything I could to keep them happy and entertained while with me. I just don't know what is real and what is fake anymore at this point, I have been struggling for so long to just forgive myself and forgive the people who hurt me and not let myself lose the new people who care about me right now like all the other times.
I recently got out of a difficult situation with someone who was abusive in some aspects and used me a lot for sexual favors, which led me to spiral when I realized afterwards and let myself feel that pain. I still doubt myself and that situation more than anything because they got me in a position to make me feel bad about myself when they knew what they were doing the entire time and I'm sure of it. I became really close with their friends too because they were all I had at the time, but I ended up confiding in them at that time and when I look back at that now I still feel like I was using them even when I know that it's okay to let people help me and that some people do actually care about me which has been hard to accept. When I look back, I realize now that I was extremely hurt at that time, and I did and said things that were not okay at all.
I tend to hurt people when I'm the most hurt myself, even when I know that isn't an excuse for my actions but an explanation of something that I continue to work on every day. I was hurting the people around me who were hurt as well by what that person had done because of my pain, and I know now that I need to do what is best and apologize for what I did during that time even when that won't make it completely right in any aspect. I caused the people I love to lose that other person who hurt me because I was hurt and that caused them more pain, which is never what I ever wanted for anyone to begin with and I just feel so guilty, but I know I should. Even at this point where I haven't been talking to any of them for a month at this point and I know they want me to come back, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to face that again and own up to how I acted during that time.
I want to apologize more than anything, and I want to be able to break the cycle and absolutely by any means not lose these people close to me again but I don't know what is better for me and everyone at this point and I feel stuck in this neverending cycle. In my mind at the time, I had every right in the world to be upset with these people and do what I did because that one person was abusive to me in some aspects and the other person I'm really close with was having a relationship with them behind my back while I was at the mental hospital. I have tried to find every excuse in the book for why they did what they did, but I still don't know if I'm allowed to be hurt by what they did or if I should just forgive and never forget. I still love them, but it hurts to be around them without talking about what they did constantly and asking them what they were thinking at the time.
Talking about it is tedious too, I have never liked talking about my own feelings because of confrontation, but I know at this point that I might have to if I want to break the cycle and keep these people in my life. I don't know how to go about putting myself back into their life because I fear that they might have become tired of waiting for me to come back, and I don't blame them for that. It has just been so frustrating and difficult, I don't want to lose that person, but at the same time I can't handle confronting them about anything at all in case I'm wrong or they feel like I'm stepping out of line and end up leaving me regardless. I just get so afraid at the same time that when I try to keep people in my life and work on our relationship, that I'm too much for them and I overwhelm them all while boring them at the same time. I will convince myself that they don't like me and they're lying, all while they're asking me over text to come back, and I just don't know how to feel or what to do.

Edit: Just realized it should be day 19

All of us have lived in our bubble till a specific age, but after a certain age or due to a certain incident you realize it's not all roses. When and how did it happen to you??
FILLER TEXT
Well let's keep the positivity going shall we, bored? Depressed? Happy? Wanting to kill someone? Hit me up!!
So I thought about posting this kind of post daily where people don't need to send me a chat but rather vent it out in the comments where others can help them out and eventually find actual friendships.
I'm doing this after seeing multiple posts about people being bored, lonely, disappointed with others on the sub here. And HEY! If the matters are too private anyway, you are always welcome to my chat.
Fingers crossed this works haha

So I've (35m) been with my partner (31NB) for about 10 months now (we've known each other for close to 8 years), and besides the first month or so it's been very unstable. I've never been in a relationship where I've experienced any kind of instability and constant arguing like this before, and when it's happening it's extremely confusing and exhausting. I should also say that I have had self esteem issues most of my life despite being kinda above average in appearance, and often have a hard time speaking up for myself.
That most common pattern I've noticed is arguments will frequently happen because I believe they are speaking to me in a way that a parent or teacher would scold a kid, and they believe that they aren't speaking in any kind of way at all "just asking questions" is often what they will say, or they'll accuse me of requiring a "female bodied person" of needing to speak to me with a cherry demeanour all the time. They call me names like nobody has ever called me before "fucking stupid" is a popular one, they have also told me that they hate me on several occasions, and when I tell them I don't like it they tell me that they don't feel bad about it and have also excused it by telling me that I made them mad.
They'll berate me like a child if I make a mistake doing chores, and if I take issue with any thing that they say while they are insulting me, mind you it would be to tell them that they are hurting my feelings in a very meek way, the argument escalates very quickly so I've learned not to say anything. I feel like I'm losing more of myself everyday, they need me to wait on them constantly, rub their feet, their back, make them lattes, bring their water etc. I'm naturally a very nurturing person, so I don't usually mind, but any time I want say like a foot rub, they seem to make it a point to give me as little attention as possible, they'll keep one hand on their phone and continue scrolling while like absent mindedly rubbing my feet for a minute or two before they go back to scrolling. But they demand my full attention and will get fussy with me if I don't get massage oil and give them all of my attention and effort for every massage.
I often feel very touch starved and emotionally abandoned with them, they'll spend hours on their phone every night and I have to beg them to give me attention and again it's always extremely one sided (I have to cuddle them if I want to cuddle, it's never them touching me when I ask), if I tell them I'm lonely they'll just say "me too". I've caught them flirting with other people on IG and asked them about it and they told me "It's just 'homie flirting" and I didn't know what that meant, and they explained to me that it's very normal to make sexual comments and "jokes" about having sex with each other "but never acting on it, so it's okay!" because they live far apart. They kinda love bombed me at the beginning of our relationship and it felt good so I went along with it, but it's been months since we've been in a phase where they show me affection a lot, it used to be every couple weeks they would be obsessed with me for a couple days. Just tonight I was asking for some attention and asked if they wanted to cuddle and they said "If you want" and I said, "Well I want to know if you want to cuddle" and they said "Ok" and then got upset when I didn't cuddle with them, it seems like they can't even admit to me that they want my affection even if they do, it feels like that even the admission that they like my touch is them ceding control to me in some bizarre way that they can't verbalize or aren't aware of. They also were very pressuring about us getting engaged (that's not to say that I regret it or don't want to marry them now), and constantly "forget" to wear their ring to work, and I know if I said it hurt my feelings it would cause an argument, I can already hear them "do you know how fucking stupid that sounds Matthew?"
Things haven't been good lately, but there was a stretch of time for a few months where things were stable, but even during our little arguments they get this voice that they claim is just them speaking, but I have not heard them use with any other person before, and it's very intimidating and belittling, and I can feel my heart race and my anxiety goes through the roof. But they claim I'm imagining it and just traumatized, and I really start to believe it really is my fault and that I'm crazy and a bad person for thinking they were upset with me.
They also say really out of pocket things to me that they tell me are jokes, but wouldn't be funny to literally anyone on the planet, and honestly I think if there was an audience to them they would feel embarrassed to have heard it. A couple of weeks ago we were getting ready to go somewhere and asked which hat I liked best, and I picked the "boring" one, so they said "You look milquetoast." with a straight face, no mirth whatsoever, and when I reacted they told me it was a joke. It's like I insulted them somehow by not picking the slightly different hat they preferred as on option, so they had to take a dig at me. They do this every couple weeks, making little needling remarks when we're otherwise okay that do way more to erode my self worth than anything they've said to me in anger.
Sometimes I truly believe they fabricate an argument in the morning, and I can't figure out why. We go to work at the same time, and they'll wake up in some kind of way and just nitpick every little thing I do. So much so that it feels like even breathing around them is upsetting. Last week they literally yelled at me for saying "babe, did you grab your croissant" as we were leaving the cafe in the morning. Sometimes it truly feels as if they loathe me and every move I make is seen as ungraceful and annoying (something they've also said to me), my voice is grating, etc. It makes me feel so devalued, especially when my feelings and demeanor towards them is so consistent and only deviates at all when we are actively arguing.
I feel so sad, unloved, valueless, and like a different person from when me starting dating. My sadness and fears when expressed to my partner without deviation will always start an argument, it seems no matter what way I gently try to bring them up, and by the end of the discussion I invariably realize that I was just being selfish for sharing my anxietys with my partner. They do this thing in every argument where they grossly misrepresent what I'm saying in a way that makes my intentions seem very malignant, and I find it very hard to believe that they genuinely think that what they are saying is what they believe.
I know the solution is to leave, but I honestly am not in any financial position to be able to, I would have to quit my job and move halfway across the state to live with family. I guess I just need someone here to tell me that I'm not crazy and worthy of love. It's so hard right now.
(Deleted and reposted this on a throwaway account)

La forêt silencieuse. It simply translates to the silent forest. An eerie description for what has become the grave of many beautiful souls and probably many more in the future.
We were a group of three friends, huge science enthusiasts or big-time nerds if you prefer, visiting a foreign country on our annual leave. During a night at a bar, Esperanza, who could understand the local language overheard a conversation about the nearby forest and the fact that it was devoid of fauna. There was a little touch of superstition to it, but our scientific and rational spirits could not subscribe to that. Therefore, to spice up our stay, we decided to investigate the next day.
Not a single soul wanted to take us to the forest without really explaining why according to Esperanza, so we decided to go on foot since it was a little bit visible from our accommodation. Near the entrance, one man ran after us shouting things I could not understand. That was the scariest thing our group of girls could witness so far, so Esperanza told us to run and so we did, entering the forest, giggling like little girls going on an adventure.
From a very young age, I always loved nature. Even after what has happened, I still do to a certain extent. It saddened my heart to see multiple plants and flowers, crushed on the ground, leading our way and fueling our curiosity, as strange marks and patterns also decorated the semi-dry soil. The trees were very tall and shielded us from the late afternoon sun. We took a few pictures and soon realized that the rumor was true. We could not spot one small bird or even a butterfly, and the only sounds we could hear were the ones we made, and those from the wind and rustling leaves. That was at least until we heard it for the first time.
It seemed to come from underground, like the sound of a voluminous tree being uprooted, accompanied by more rustling leaves noises. We looked up and could not spot anything. That was the time we decided to head back to the accommodation, after all, evening was fast approaching.
"Girls please hurry." Ines kept on saying during our walk back to the entrance, constantly looking behind her.
"Don't worry kiddo, we did not go too deep inside anyway. We'll soon be out." Esperanza spoke, reassuring her little sister. "The scariest thing that could happen now is another Raquel's lecture." She added, prompting her sister to chuckle.
"At least, she can't bore the locals with those." Ines added to the mockery.
"What that crazy dude was saying?" I asked Esperanza, ignoring their teasing.
"Oh, that guy, I didn't get it well but, something about disappearing and—"
The same noises interrupted us, but that time, they were coming from multiple directions around us. The rumor was then proving absolutely false. Something was definitely in that forest. We started jogging, looking around us and especially above us without seeing anything suspicious, and that for maybe over an hour, till evening and darkness found us. We had to stop at some point, after the noises stopped, because we were tired and out of breath.
We could no longer find our way out.
Finally thinking of contacting help, none of us knew what the right number could be, so instead, Esperanza found the number of our accommodation owner in her call history and phoned the gentleman. The communication did not really go well as there was some kind of interference, and suddenly, once again, the noises startled us. That time however, we could see that something high up in the trees, apparently sped towards us, as branches and leaves from afar were agitated by a moving force.
"Run, RUN!" Esperanza shouted, pushing Ines and I to lead the way.
All of us ran for our lives and for countless minutes since the strange noises would not stop. However, the moment we stopped because we were out of breath, Ines and I noticed that Esperanza had disappeared. At that point, Ines had reached her limit and just started screaming her sister's name desperately. I had to hug her to calm her down, and like a symbol of hope, we then saw the emergency flares in the sky. Esperanza did pass the message successfully and help had arrived somehow. They were showing us which way to go.
None of us wanted to abandon Esperanza but we needed to get help and assistance. After I made Ines understand that, I took her hand and we started running towards the flares, still escorted by the noises. They grew louder by the second but we did not stop, we could not stop if we wanted to survive. We ran until the ground suddenly caved in and we fell into a hole. It was not really deep, so I could quickly regain my senses, shaking my head to remove the sand, especially after hearing Ines scream at the surface. The screams were brief, quickly replaced by squelching sounds that grew louder as I climbed up. I did not even exit the hole when it came into view. Its branches morphed into two gigantic arms covered with leaves, it held half of Ines in one hand while its other one helped it chew and swallow the rest of my friend's body. A tree next to it then transformed, its branches regrouping to form two arms, while a bald head with two luminous white eyes and a large mouth, emerged from the top of the trunk.
The threat was not a predator hiding in the trees, it was the trees.
Ines remaining half was soon coveted by the other tree as a scuffle soon erupted. They started to move away from the hole, their roots sliding on the ground and making those underground sounds we have been hearing all that time. They mangled what was left of Ines while I seized the opportunity to attempt an escape. As soon as they noticed me, their branches moved up to cover their heads as if they reverted back to being normal looking trees, and they chased me, swerving between other trees. I ran, sobbing as I knew I could not escape them because of their incredible speed. Soon, other trees imitated the monsters as soon as I passed them, transforming behind me and joining the chase.
At some point, everything stopped again plunging the whole forest into a dead calm only disturbed by the emergency flares noises, my steps, my heavy breath and sobs. All the time, I tried looking around and behind me, unable to tell the difference between those monsters and normal trees, not even knowing if there were some normal trees in that forest or if all of them were monsters. Something then grabbed me from behind and lifted me up. It was one of them. It quickly directed me to its mouth while I screamed in fear and despair. At that moment, I really thought it was the end, but it suddenly stopped in its track. I remained in its massive hand, hyperventilating with my mouth and eyes wide open, having a good look at the piercing white eyes of the monstrosity.
"Em pure" I apparently heard it say, which I later discovered to be exactly 'impur' a word that means impure. It then tossed me away so violently that I only remember hitting something and falling unconscious.
Upon waking up the next morning, I discreetly looked around, surprised to be alive, then just stood up and dashed in a random direction. There was no noise, except for my panting and steps, the wind and the leaves. I ran without stopping for one second, my sight disturbed by the blood covering my forehead, determined to seize that last opportunity to stay alive. I then exited the forest and found myself in a field from where I could see a farmhouse. It was the end of the nightmare.
I became a curiosity for the locals as nobody ever made it alive out of the silent forest before. The authorities extracted all the information they could from me about what had transpired in those woods. Some believed me, others just could not, but we agreed on an official version about my friends and I being attacked by wild boars. I was then diagnosed with a condition that affected my blood, something I never knew I had, which they believe is what made me impure to the eyes of those things.
Traumatized to the core, I went back to my country, unable to really leave that nightmare behind as to this day, I am scared of trees. Despite that, I really try to cherish my life even though I feel guilty for having survived. Also, I have come to accept that science does not have the answers for everything, and that leaving certain mysteries alone is a wise choice.

La forêt silencieuse. It simply translates to the silent forest. An eerie description for what has become the grave of many beautiful souls and probably many more in the future.
We were a group of three friends, huge science enthusiasts or big-time nerds if you prefer, visiting a foreign country on our annual leave. During a night at a bar, Esperanza, who could understand the local language overheard a conversation about the nearby forest and the fact that it was devoid of fauna. There was a little touch of superstition to it, but our scientific and rational spirits could not subscribe to that. Therefore, to spice up our stay, we decided to investigate the next day.
Not a single soul wanted to take us to the forest without really explaining why according to Esperanza, so we decided to go on foot since it was a little bit visible from our accommodation. Near the entrance, one man ran after us shouting things I could not understand. That was the scariest thing our group of girls could witness so far, so Esperanza told us to run and so we did, entering the forest, giggling like little girls going on an adventure.
From a very young age, I always loved nature. Even after what has happened, I still do to a certain extent. It saddened my heart to see multiple plants and flowers, crushed on the ground, leading our way and fueling our curiosity, as strange marks and patterns also decorated the semi-dry soil. The trees were very tall and shielded us from the late afternoon sun. We took a few pictures and soon realized that the rumor was true. We could not spot one small bird or even a butterfly, and the only sounds we could hear were the ones we made, and those from the wind and rustling leaves. That was at least until we heard it for the first time.
It seemed to come from underground, like the sound of a voluminous tree being uprooted, accompanied by more rustling leaves noises. We looked up and could not spot anything. That was the time we decided to head back to the accommodation, after all, evening was fast approaching.
"Girls please hurry." Ines kept on saying during our walk back to the entrance, constantly looking behind her.
"Don't worry kiddo, we did not go too deep inside anyway. We'll soon be out." Esperanza spoke, reassuring her little sister. "The scariest thing that could happen now is another Raquel's lecture." She added, prompting her sister to chuckle.
"At least, she can't bore the locals with those." Ines added to the mockery.
"What that crazy dude was saying?" I asked Esperanza, ignoring their teasing.
"Oh, that guy, I didn't get it well but, something about disappearing and—"
The same noises interrupted us, but that time, they were coming from multiple directions around us. The rumor was then proving absolutely false. Something was definitely in that forest. We started jogging, looking around us and especially above us without seeing anything suspicious, and that for maybe over an hour, till evening and darkness found us. We had to stop at some point, after the noises stopped, because we were tired and out of breath.
We could no longer find our way out.
Finally thinking of contacting help, none of us knew what the right number could be, so instead, Esperanza found the number of our accommodation owner in her call history and phoned the gentleman. The communication did not really go well as there was some kind of interference, and suddenly, once again, the noises startled us. That time however, we could see that something high up in the trees, apparently sped towards us, as branches and leaves from afar were agitated by a moving force.
"Run, RUN!" Esperanza shouted, pushing Ines and I to lead the way.
All of us ran for our lives and for countless minutes since the strange noises would not stop. However, the moment we stopped because we were out of breath, Ines and I noticed that Esperanza had disappeared. At that point, Ines had reached her limit and just started screaming her sister's name desperately. I had to hug her to calm her down, and like a symbol of hope, we then saw the emergency flares in the sky. Esperanza did pass the message successfully and help had arrived somehow. They were showing us which way to go.
None of us wanted to abandon Esperanza but we needed to get help and assistance. After I made Ines understand that, I took her hand and we started running towards the flares, still escorted by the noises. They grew louder by the second but we did not stop, we could not stop if we wanted to survive. We ran until the ground suddenly caved in and we fell into a hole. It was not really deep, so I could quickly regain my senses, shaking my head to remove the sand, especially after hearing Ines scream at the surface. The screams were brief, quickly replaced by squelching sounds that grew louder as I climbed up. I did not even exit the hole when it came into view. Its branches morphed into two gigantic arms covered with leaves, it held half of Ines in one hand while its other one helped it chew and swallow the rest of my friend's body. A tree next to it then transformed, its branches regrouping to form two arms, while a bald head with two luminous white eyes and a large mouth, emerged from the top of the trunk.
The threat was not a predator hiding in the trees, it was the trees.
Ines remaining half was soon coveted by the other tree as a scuffle soon erupted. They started to move away from the hole, their roots sliding on the ground and making those underground sounds we have been hearing all that time. They mangled what was left of Ines while I seized the opportunity to attempt an escape. As soon as they noticed me, their branches moved up to cover their heads as if they reverted back to being normal looking trees, and they chased me, swerving between other trees. I ran, sobbing as I knew I could not escape them because of their incredible speed. Soon, other trees imitated the monsters as soon as I passed them, transforming behind me and joining the chase.
At some point, everything stopped again plunging the whole forest into a dead calm only disturbed by the emergency flares noises, my steps, my heavy breath and sobs. All the time, I tried looking around and behind me, unable to tell the difference between those monsters and normal trees, not even knowing if there were some normal trees in that forest or if all of them were monsters. Something then grabbed me from behind and lifted me up. It was one of them. It quickly directed me to its mouth while I screamed in fear and despair. At that moment, I really thought it was the end, but it suddenly stopped in its track. I remained in its massive hand, hyperventilating with my mouth and eyes wide open, having a good look at the piercing white eyes of the monstrosity.
"Em pure" I apparently heard it say, which I later discovered to be exactly 'impur' a word that means impure. It then tossed me away so violently that I only remember hitting something and falling unconscious.
Upon waking up the next morning, I discreetly looked around, surprised to be alive, then just stood up and dashed in a random direction. There was no noise, except for my panting and steps, the wind and the leaves. I ran without stopping for one second, my sight disturbed by the blood covering my forehead, determined to seize that last opportunity to stay alive. I then exited the forest and found myself in a field from where I could see a farmhouse. It was the end of the nightmare.
I became a curiosity for the locals as nobody ever made it alive out of the silent forest before. The authorities extracted all the information they could from me about what had transpired in those woods. Some believed me, others just could not, but we agreed on an official version about my friends and I being attacked by wild boars. I was then diagnosed with a condition that affected my blood, something I never knew I had, which they believe is what made me impure to the eyes of those things.
Traumatized to the core, I went back to my country, unable to really leave that nightmare behind as to this day, I am scared of trees. Despite that, I really try to cherish my life even though I feel guilty for having survived. Also, I have come to accept that science does not have the answers for everything, and that leaving certain mysteries alone is a wise choice.

mga 2.6years na kami ng bf ko. in the last few months, he would ignore me every little time we had together and reply to me with the most exhausted sigh then walk away saying kaya ko na kung ano man nangyayari (g12 kami non and entrance exams yung sinabi nyang reason so i complied and understood him). he would reply 30 mins after i text him, never answer my calls, and be nowhere to be found when i needed like when i didnt pass uplb for chem(dream school, life planned since birth) despite 7k of the reviewcenter, whereas every little rant nya kailangan andon ako.
i got really depressed. i thought my attachment issues i started getting my shit together and got a therapist and psych meds about 8 months ago. within the first few months getting treated, depression made me hit rock bottom. i would get mad at every little thing and he'd say he's here and will always be here to support me pero di ko sya makausap nang maayos unless may kailangan sya or bored sya. he will deny any quality time to talk or watch a movie or go on a date or something, be overly clingy then cold as fuck. he doesn't acknowledge any issue i am having or even anything i enjoy like fucking gonan grey songs. he wouldnt talk to me about anything serious or take me seriously. literally couldn't talk to me about anything other than ml skins or some issues he's having. i talked and talked and talked about him all the time he'd say it is all in m head and he is always there and he loves me and shit
with the picture gradually becoming less muddled by my psych issues, i first thought na effect lang yon ng meds, moodswings, pagkaoa ko ganern. now, however, with me off the therapist (medically and professionally concluded na treated/stable na) and taking meds not more than twice a month, i still feel this way. sorry if i come off as papansin, I just feel like nothing i say is interesting to my bf unless it is about ml or some gossip he wants to get involved in.
he says he's there but replies 30mins to an hour at hindi na sya busy by the time na chinachat ko sya. after classes and work, he eats, and sleeps 7 hours and i talk to him after. 2-3 hours lang klase nya, 4 hours work. i spend most days waiting for him and when i do initiate a convo, he is well rested and has eaten so neither would be the reason for the coldness. i checked his acc one time. just once. i messaged him then waited for a reply for about 2 hours saying "slr busy what?" for something i said in the message was extremely urgent emergency (not verbatim but you get it). within the first 20 mins of those 2 hours, he has replied and joked and laughed to most of his friends' gcs and gossip (i know how wrong it was to do, pls dont judge). i stopped after 20 mins becos all the time i waited, nabasa na nya message ko. he ignored it, continued the gossip and joke. when i talk to him parang tamad na tamad na pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa, like what i am saying is the most boring uninteresting thing ever.
i voiced all this shit out to him, he said he'd change, i said i would try to be more positive too but then he'd revert back after a couple of days and at some point napagod nako. ayoko na tang ina, all those work and therapy for fucking nothing

I’m doing a rewatch of the shows and finished season 4 of Buffy last month or so, and I’ve just finished season 1 of Angel and here’s my review.
Note that I have seen Angel before, but I’ve only seen it probably two or three times and don’t really remember everything that happened, compared to Buffy which I’ve seen probably around 100 times and know like the back of my hand. So please, no spoilers of future seasons.
Firstly, the intro is amazing. I totally forgot the intro and had a very big squeal moment when it started and had shivers running through my body coz it was so cool to listen to again and remember.
Moving on, I love Cordelia. I absolutely loved her during Buffy but I adore her now and how much her character is elevated in this show. She still very much Cordelia but I think that’s what I love the most about her. She hasn’t really changed too much, but she’s definitely matured so much in just the span of a year.
I was sad to see Doyle gone, but at the same time I wasn’t really loving him as much as I feel like I should’ve. I remember from my past watches that I absolutely loved Wesley, so Doyle leaving to make room for Wesley wasn’t that big of a deal to me.
Another big character that I absolutely love is Dennis the ghost. I was thinking about how much I love him the other day and found it funny that I could love a character so much when we only ever see him once. And then I realised, hold on a second, he’s in every single episode – he’s in the intro! It took me a long time to realise this…
One thing I wasn’t really a fan of with this season was just the fact that there was no real Big Bad the way that Buffy has in every season. In the first season, her Big Bad is The Master. Whereas for Angel, there’s not really one Big Bad – it feels more like an introduction to where this show is heading, without really having a specific heading in mind.
You’ve got Wolfram and Hart as a Big Bad this season, but again they don’t really do much; it’s more of an introduction into who they are and what they can do, and what they can be in the future.
In a way, I kind of like that there’s no specific one-way direction that this season was going other than being an introduction, but it did also feel like most of the episodes were filler episodes, and I got a little bit bored of that.
Kate was also really cool, and she’s so pretty, I can definitely see why Angel would have the hots for her – other than the fact that he’s just into blondes. I love that she’s strong and proud and independent, and it was very sad when her dad was killed. I like that she was sceptical at the beginning, and then she just accepted everything (well kind of) and became the occult cop. It sucks that the other cops made fun of her, but I guess that’s just gonna happen.
Sidenote, imagine all the weird shit you would see as a cop in LA – I’m sure that she would’ve come across weird stuff in the past but I feel like she would’ve been sceptical and unaccepting of it all – until she meets Angel that is.
Special mention to a few great episodes, Lonely Heart (creepy and believable tbh), I Fall to Pieces (wtaf), I Will Remember You (my heart was torn to shreds), I’ve Got You Under My Skin (the twist that the demon was scared?!), Five by Five (Faith begging Angel to kill her, I was so sad for her), and Blind Date (blind woman was badass - until the kids, anyway).
I’m super excited for season two and seeing Darla again. I remember in my previous watches that season two was one of my favourite seasons from the entire Buffyverse. I don’t entirely remember what happens, but I’m so excited to get into it.
But next stop on my watchlist is Buffy season five, and I am so excited! Give me Glory, give me Ben, give me Spike being completely obsessed, give me the magic shop, give me Dawn, and give me “Out - For - A - Walk….. Bitch.”
What are your thoughts and feels on season 1 of Angel? Please don’t spoil future seasons coz I’m watching this as if it’s new and don’t want to remember things if I’ve forgotten them (:

Please be gentle, it's been bouncing around in my brain forever.
"Good morning class. as we continue our lecture on our war like members of the Federation. This week we will be discussing humans." Hand raises, sigh. "Yes Twicx." "But humans are not warlike they didn't even post scores during last year's fleet wargames." "Well, if you let me continue with my lecture you will find out that answer. Sit down."
"Why is one of the Federations most friendly races at the top of this list of war races? The Grog are 1000 kg and can lift some races tanks. The Sevetm are so nibble that they are unrivaled at close quarters battle and fighter craft."
"Humans evolved on a hell planet with the highest biodiversity of any planet found in this galaxy. And probably any other. More species go extinct on their home planet Earth a day then some cradle worlds have ever had. They have become the super apex predator of this planet where every biome has animals that will hunt and eat humans. At one point there were 5 different species of humans competing to survive. Put your hand down Twicx. To this day the planet is home to no less then 13 pre-sapient species."
"This crucible of evolution has created a super predator that most of the galaxy often finds cute and cuddly. They have evolved 3 traits in my humble opinion that set them above other species in the theater of combat. Yes, Twicx I see your hand put it down or I will remove you from class. These traits are as follows and will be on the test."
"1) Pack bonding: Humans will bond with almost anything, some cases even inanimate objects and will swarm like hive drones if a bond partner or child is harmed. Not just their own children either. whole villages would endanger themselves to find one lost child that was not even from their village."
"2) Combat Drugs: When a human is stressed just like many other species from Earth, they release a combination of hormones that most super soldier programs would be scared to even administer. In fact, most of these chemicals are illegal and considered war crimes to administer to troops. Adrenaline, Cortisol, and several Catecholamines are released from a gland attached to a part of their digestive system. This reduces pain, increases the bodies available strength, increases nerve response, increases blood flow, and adds more energy molecules into their blood stream, I think it is called Glucose, a form of drink sweetener. Look up their properties tonight as your homework then discuss on the class forum. I expect 3 posts of no less than 300 words this week. Where was I? Oh yes."
"3) Tenacity: A purely human concept. Humans are what is called a pursuit or persistence predator, they are slower and weaker than even most of the pray species on Earth but what they could do was run their pray to exhaustion and death. Human elderly are known to be able to run 42 kilometers without stopping to rest with minimal training. This ability has created a psyche that does not stop due to adversity. Thier history is full of examples of soldiers that fought to the death and at time won when surrounded just because they refused to bow to their enemy or to give others a chance to escape. This tenacity influences every part of their lives. From technological research: Don't tell me it can't be done. To their combativeness with authority: I will not wear green on Friday, I don't want to, and you can't make me. A human Marine I once met summed it up as: Because fuck you make me!""
This evolution has created a species that thrives in adversity. In fact, most humans do not like living on gaia class worlds because they find them too boring. In fact, studies have shown that humans without some competition or conflict in their lives show increased mental instability and have a severely decreased life span. This is why they scare just about every other military in the Federation. Thank you class and have a good day."
"Oh, Twicx, to answer your question you should really lookup who the red force during the fleet games is. It's their reserve fleet, their part time volunteers. And you know that Red Force usually wins, even in very disadvantageous scenarios. Now get out."

Hi guys!
I posted this over at TheGearPage as well but figured I'd post is here as well just to get some more insights.
I've been using the Helix Floor for a few years now and absolutely love it! I'm mainly using the Floor as a very fancy pedalboard/multi FX unit into real tube amps. Since the Helix has four external FX loops I want to include some of my favourite analog drive pedals. Since each FX loops introduces a few ms of latency, should I worry to much about latency when stacking no more than 2 drive pedals at once?
Thanks!

Hello,
So my gf (26) prefer sexually anime characters over me (m 28). Before you comment that "they are fictional so there is no problem" I have to tell you that she is obsessed with them to the point that she does not want to have sex with me (and even when we have sex, she always seems bored) but she keeps masturbating with anime characters.
She also will tell me "I got this hot character on this gatcha game" etc etc. Also she has crushes on characters from anime as well, that she will give likes on artworks of them in social media almost every day.
This thing hurt so much to the point that I would actually prefer she would cheat me with a real person rather than some sketches...
What would you do in my position?

“Incredible!”
The rebel reeled from the punch, the fist slamming through his protective helmet and cracking his jaw. He choked out a sob at the pain and the feeling of several of his teeth being knocked down his throat.
“This? This is what you send to try and rebel against the Imperium?! THIS?!”
A harsh kick was sent into the rebels stomach, making him cough up the rations he had that morning and a few of the once missing teeth. He grabbed his stomach and his body made to tilt forward and lay in the dust.
Only he was stopped as an armored gauntlet grabbed him by the throat and forced him to stand. His hands came up and grabbed at his attackers wrist as he stared into his own grim reaper.
Said killer wore the helmet of the Macraggian Auxilia, his faceplate being that of a stylized skull. His rank was shown proudly in the form of a centurions plum, blue and white horsehair picked out atop a gilded mount on the top of his helmet.
“Incredible. It’s truly incredible what passes for rebellion these days hm?”
The soldiers behind the centurion laughed or smiled as they watched their leader hoist the rebel up as if the rebel was some game beast that was just recently hunted. Pressure in the form of steam shot out of the centurions wrist, betraying the hidden augmented limb under the armor. The rebel tried to speak, scratching at the Centurion’s arm.
“What? Speak up damn you, and speak clearly. I have no time or patience to hear some long speech about tyranny or whatever else. We have your city to burn insurgent.”
And burn it would. Two large tanks with massive flamers could be seen in the back, protected by infantry and assault vehicles. The main force would break the walls, the infantry would kill the people, and the tanks would burn the rest to ashes.
“Aghh….thill….you….thasard!”
The rebel said, spitting blood and bone fragments from his shattered jaw through what was left of his faceplate.
“Ah. Nothing interesting to say. Oh well.”
The rebel tried in vain to speak again but was silenced as the centurion forced a power gladius through his mouth. He was then unceremoniously dropped to the dust, choking on blood as he watched the Macraggian soldiers march on his home. The last thing he saw before dying was his killer, taking his helmet off and smiling in a wide, cocky manner. ————————————————————————
“Don’t spare the body men, he was a rebel. March over him.”
Tiberius Victor, Centurion of the 3rd Macraggain Legion, yelled as he wiped the grim that had built up over his helmet. He scowled at the filth that adorned his armor and sighed.
“Bloody rebels will pay for more than just rebellion. Look at this! They scratched my faceplate! And that bastard I just killed dared to spit blood at me! Oh they will pay tenfold.”
He chuckled and shrugged as he replaced his helmet. He rolled his head and drew the lapistol he had holstered at his side. He examined it for a moment before shaking his head.
“Ugh….to easy.”
He holstered the pistol again and flourished his gladius as he grabbed the handholds of a Leman Russ tank that was about to pass him by. He climbed up until he stood on top of the tank and crouched down, using his newfound height to look over his army and the objective.
The city was massive….but so were the last three he had burned. Both Imperial Army and even Ultramarine Legion Command had told him he was too far ahead and that he needed to slow down. But where was the fun in that? Besides, the campaign has been far too easy thus far. He had suffered very few casualties, his men were never hungry and his tanks never ran dry on fuel, and the enemy bled. Oh how they bled.
He sighed.
“Easy. Far too easy. Captain?”
The command hatch the tank he rode popped open and a woman in the dirty coveralls and goggled helmet of a tank commander. She looked around, rubbing her eyes before turning and smiling widely. She gave a crisp salute, one which he lazily returned, before nodding.
“Aye my Centurion?”
“Do we have any more wine about? I’m parched from all these victories we keep piling on.”
The captain cringed then turned towards the city.
“Uh….my centurion? Wouldn’t you rather have some water?”
Tiberius turned his head towards the captain, the tilt of his head betraying the cocky smile hidden beneath that the captain and the rest of the army had come to love and hate.
“Captain….are you questioning me?”
“I-no! No, of course not my centurion! But uh….well….”
He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hand, not bothering to stand up from the relaxed position he had taken. He had laid down on his side, his sword hand having sheathed his gladius to prop his head up.
“Well….shouldn’t uh….shouldn’t wine be saved for victory?”
The centurion stared at her for a moment. A very long moment. Perhaps….to long of a moment.
“I….I apologize my centurion! I will-“
Laughter. The centurion was laughing, something he rarely did outside of combat or when around the campfires at night. He laughed loudly and caught the attention of several other Auxilia soldiers.
“True! Haha! I knew I kept you around for something Captain. Fine, me and you shall share the first bottle of wine after that….excuse for a city burns. Return to your duties captain.”
He waved the captain off then turned his head back to the city, not moving out of his relaxed position. She knew better then to consider him lazy or incompetent, she had seen him in action.
She saluted and quickly went back down into her tank. ————————————————————————
He held his helmet in the crook of his arm. He breathed in deeply, smiling as he watched the city burn. Something grabbed his boot and looked down, only to scowl in disgust.
A woman, her lower half aflame with one leg missing, held onto his boot and shin guard.
“Please….mercy! We surrender!”
He raised an eyebrow and followed the trail the rebel left in the dust to see several more wounded and scared rebels. One held up a white rag on a piece of rebar as a white flag.
Several of his auxilia aimed their rifles at the rebels as a sergeant began to moved forward with a pair of restraints.
He was stopped by Tiberius’s sword.
“Sergeant? What are you doing?”
“Uh…taking prisoners sir?”
The centurion tilted his head and smiled widely.
“Prisoners? I don’t recall ordering anyone to take prisoners.”
He lifted his boot and stomped on the wounded woman’s head, smiling wickedly at the crunch he heard under his foot.
“Uh….no my Centurion but legion command has-“
“Legion command? You are taking orders from Ultramarines instead of telling me that such orders have come through?”
“There was no time sir! The orders came fro-“
Tiberius put his helmet on and shoved the sergeant to the side, ripping the rifle from the soldiers hands.
“I see no space marines here soldier. I see soldiers and I see rebels. We kill rebels because we are soldiers.”
He took aim at the closest rebel, put his finger on the trigger and-
“Thats enough Centurion.”
He stopped. He slowly turned his head towards the new, feminine voice behind him.
“Excuse me troo-“
He stopped again and stared. She had to have been 10 feet or at least close, this goddess in blue and gold. Her short, cropped hair was golden blonde and a green, metallic laurel wreath was wrapped around her head to add to her noble features. She came with several ultramarines as an honor guard in tow but he was sure she could handle anything thrown her way with ease.
“The Lady of Macragge.”
He whispered in awe before looking around. Those under his command had shared his awe but where he shook himself free, the rest still stared.
“Damn you all, our Lady is here! Bow damn you! All of you bow!”
He paced up and down the line, ensuring his auxilia bowed. He then turned towards the rebels and pointed at the guards who stood over them.
“Them too, cmon now. Bow!”
The rebels resisted the guards orders and movements. The centurions rage grew as he stormed over and pulled his gladius from its sheath.
“I command thee BOW.”
He sliced the back of the knees of one of the captives, the man yelping in pain before yelling in agony from his nearly cut tendons. The rest fell in line quickly.
Tiberius marched towards the Primarch, her honor guard bringing their weapons to bare only for him to kneel down and stab his gladius into the dirt.
“My Lady. Centurion Tiberius Victor of the 3rd Macraggian Legion reporting.”
The Primarch stared down at the Centurion before her eyes went up and around. She took note of the rather large number of prisoners and the burning cityscape around them.
“A good campaign Centurion?”
Tiberius nodded, smiling widely under his helmet.
“Yes my Lady. I only wish it weren’t so boring, so easy! But it is done.”
It took every ounce of self control to not scowl at his arrogant and cocky nature. He spoke as if he had stomped on a bug rather than a rebels skull. Yet….something about him caught her attention.
“Remove your helm centurion.”
He did so without delay, removing his helmet and setting it at her feet. His hair was cut in the traditional military ‘high and tight’ fashion and he was mostly clean cut save for a well trimmed mustache that went no further than the corners of his mouth.
“I recall telling my command staff to recall you back as you had pushed to far ahead. Yet we stand here at the city we were meant to take, the one we were meant to hold. The one….that is currently burning to ashes around us. What do you have to say for yourself Centurion?”
He said nothing for a long time. Then, to her surprise, he laughed. The auxilia around them slowly looked at each other, their faces hidden beneath their helmets but all were worried or tense.
“Hahah! Ah….I say mission accomplished my Lady. I also say that this light really brings out the color of your eyes.”
He laughed again and slowly stood up while extending his arms out wide.
“I say I give you the best gift this galaxy can offer to someone like you from someone like me.”
His smile grew into the same cocky, full of himself grin those under his command knew so well.
“I give you victory, my Lady Juno.”
He held his gladius up and flourished it, letting the blade catch the firelight of a dying city.
“Victory.”