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Welcome to our fifth discussion of Leviathan Wakes. Hold onto your cool detective hats or your environment suits, because we finally get some answers to our mystery! This week, we will discuss Chapters 34-40. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here.
The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen (her dad’s company) has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).

• Holden’s position: Broadcast everything to everyone! (I know, I know, so out of character, right?) People will understand that they’ve been set up and will turn their wrath on Protogen instead of each other. Also, these are ancient conflicts. The Belt has always hated Mars and the inner planets in general. Mars and Earth have always had animosities secretly brewing and they do military training for the inevitable showdown. Or as Miller puts it, “Not my powder keg; I just brought the match.”
• Miller’s position: Stop and consider what people will do if they hear an Earth company did this. Every other data leak has been used as an excuse to shoot at someone the other side doesn’t like. Also, people suck. They aren’t going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya just because Protogen is the bad guy. They’ll move on to shooting each other so they can be the ones to control the protomolecule. Or as Holden puts it, “Maybe Protogen is a little right. People are too dumb to be trusted with big information so we should keep hard, scary stuff a big secret. That’ll totally work out.”

Holden’s idealism starts to fade as he takes in Miller’s hard truths about humanity. To be fair, Miller loses a little idealism over his perceptions of the inner planets’ relationship which, to the Belt, seemed stable and friendly enough (and united against them). Miller encourages Holden to use Naomi’s judgment as a measuring stick for whether something is right (similar to how he uses illusion-Julie as his conscience and sounding board) and then he goes back to the news feeds to watch Ceres slowly collapse into chaos. Holden decides the only person and place he trusts - or at least doesn’t completely distrust - is Fred Johnson on Tycho Station, so they head there. Holden also wonders why they don’t just destroy the safe and make sure everyone stays away from Eros and Phoebe; Miller admits it’s because the protomolecule might just be the holy grail.
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller to be discreet never contact him again so he doesn’t get killed for betraying his employer. Miller sends him an encrypted warning to quit his job ASAP and not take postings at any black ops sites, before saying goodbye for the last time to the only person that still respected him as a cop. (I may or may not be sniffling a bit at this.)
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.

Since knowing the story, Ian's family has been hunted and killed by the enemy. He did not die, but also discovered a shocking secret that his father had tried so hard to hide. He is the son of a werewolf, and powerful wolf blood is flowing in him. He learned how to control that power, as well as the werewolf's other special abilities. Ian now carries a lot of missions, revenge, finding his brothers, building a powerful werewolf army, building an impregnable space base ... But the truth is not always easy when Ian's brother is brainwashed by the enemy who turns him into the most outstanding fighter in the universe. Will Ian with his intelligence, intelligence, and deep family affection bring his brother back? Revenge old vengeance? Is it possible to fulfill the dreams that the father has yet to achieve? Invite you to watch. Read more

My wife’s best friend who I will call Sarah moved in with us about 1 month ago after her husband had her arrested for getting physical with him and scratching his face. I have been a mutual friend with both Sarah and her husband that I will John. Our kids are friends and we would often get the families together. We have been put in the middle of the feud. John has a restraining order out on Sarah and the only way she gets to see the kids is supervised visitation. John listed my wife as the person that has to be present while her kids visit in 3 hour time blocks. I thought it was weird that John only listed my wife on there considering I am the only one (between my wife and I) that directly communicates with him (text and calls). John and my wife were always cordial to one another but between all 4 of us, they are the only two that had no real friendship. My wife is prettier than Sarah, and I have caught John staring at my wife’s chest and ass in the past. It never bothered me. During one of John and Sarah’s last fights, he said that Sarah’s face looked much older than my wife’s (both are very into skincare and anti-aging, so this really pissed Sarah off). John is an incredibly controlling husband that treated Sarah very poorly and my wife has always said that he is such an asshole and that she can’t stand him.
This is where things began to get weird…
After Sarah moved in, John continued to call me to discuss his wife. My wife told me that I was being too kind to him after the way he has treated her so poorly over the years, and having her arrested. My wife told me that it was time to choose a side (Sarah’s) and to stop talking with John. She told me I was two faced for continuing to speak with him. She called him Satan because he was already running around with a few different women and their kids, all while taunting her in various ways and trying to destroy her life. Suddenly John starts reaching out to my wife to schedule visitations with their kids based on my wife’s schedule. He could’ve listed both of us on the supervision list but he only put my wife. I suspect that he felt like it would lead to an open line of communication between the two of them(previously my wife didn’t even have his number in her phone) My wife acted very annoyed that she was put in that position because he never asked beforehand.. basically if Sarah wanted to see her kids, my wife would need to be involved. Here is where things got weird…
We had a birthday party for one of our daughters and we invited his kids to her party. He brought the kids and oddly stayed in the area with his youngest and waited around, but didn’t join the party. Later that day I sent him a text thanking him for the gifts they got. The next morning(Mother’s Day), one of the first things my wife does is send him a thank you text that I felt was a “gushing” thank you. It was weird to me that he was not only the first thank you text that she sent, but she only sent 3 out of the 8-9 parents that were there.
Is this thank you a bit much?
“We had the gifts mixed up but Sarah later clarified the gifts with the flower wrapping paper were from y'all! But as you can see, she loved them. Thank you very much for going out of your way to get them and for bringing the kids out to celebrate with Tara(our daughter) and waiting so patiently with jane(his youngest daughter). It meant so much to us!”
Here was my thank you the night before …
“Thanks a lot for all the stuff for Tara. She loved it all. You got much more than you should’ve”
John’s reply to my wife’s thank you text and then wishing her happy Mother’s Day.
“You are so welcome, a bit sad we were not able to be there as a complete family. Praying next year is different.”
“Happy Mothers Day, the kids and Dave are so blessed to have you.” (Clearly a compliment to her and a dig at his wife)
My wife’s reply…
Sunday 1:56 PM Thank you! I am sorry for leaving you hanging about today. Would you like to plan for around 430-730? We are getting a slow start and I just hoped to go to the beach for a little bit.
(She just says thank you? I would’ve thought she would’ve also said that their kids are blessed to have her best friend as a mom as well)
-John’s reply- That sounds perfect. See you then. Sunday 2:58 PM
(Sarah then sent a screenshot of the family app that they are legally allowed to communicate on. She told him that he was intruding on my wife’s Mother’s Day, and it was stressing my wife out, which was true. After seeing what Sarah told John, my wife felt compelled to reach back out to John with the following…
“Hey John. I'm not stressed. It just took forever to get the kids ready and out”
Keep in mind that he has repeatedly verbally abused her friend, has been hanging out with other woman, kicked her out of her house without her belongings, reported her to the state licensing board for her “arrest” and caused her license to be suspended, told her that he hope she died during an upcoming surgery she was supposed to have, and insulted her by implying that she was a harm to her kids and her best friend needed supervision during the time she spent with her kids… I was called “two faced” and told I was betraying Sarah, simply because I would answer John’s calls and texts.
We get home and John brings his kids over with a Mother’s Day plant and card (same ones, for my wife and Sarah). I thought this was weird and another way of slighting at Sarah, putting the two of them on the same level. The next day, my wife (who doesn’t garden) was watering the plants and walking around with the plants looking for a place to plant them. (I mentioned to Sarah that my wife watered the plants and she seems very surprised and upset that she did that, considering it was intended to be a slight to her.). I was very surprised considering our 9-year-old got her a plant from Lowe’s a year or two ago and she simply let it dry out and die on the counter (never watering it) which really hurt our daughters feelings….
Two days later I looked at my wife’s messages with John and was very surprised. My wife knew I had looked at her phone and sent me a nasty text to stay off of it. I told her that I was surprised that she was being so chummy with John considering how he has been treating Sarah, and had previously called me “two faced” for continuing to talk to John. I told her that her thank you to John was “gushing” and clearly made him feel good as he gave her a compliment about how blessed we were to have her immediately after that. I told her I was also surprised that she didn’t just have me tell him thank you considering she knows we talk and are friends. My wife got really mad and said she did nothing wrong and called me a jealous psycho. She said she would show the thread to Sarah because she had nothing to hide and did nothing wrong. I told her that I would strongly advise against it because I think it would hurt Sarah’s feelings and cause her to be upset with my wife. My wife continued to call me a lot of mean names and told me I needed professional mental help. She then changed the password on her phone. She then told Sarah that it would prob be best for her and John to coordinate through the app because I was acting very bothered by her talking to John (implying jealousy).
My wife and I began talking about the situation again yesterday and I told her that I wasn’t dwelling on it but wish she would acknowledge the inappropriateness of the conversation, considering the circumstances. She refused and again began calling me a psycho that is destroying her life. I told her that if she felt like it was a completely appropriate conversation, then she should show Sarah. She refused. She then sends me the following :
“I deleted his thread and his contact information. Accidentally called his number while I was trying to figure out how and immediately hung up. I’m sure you’ll say I called him on purpose. I have a screenshot of the thread so you won’t accuse me of trying to get rid of evidence.”
As it turned out, she didn’t have a screenshot of the thread. I found it very odd that she deleted the conversation (she did it during this last argument we were having about the appropriateness of it and telling her to show Sarah..
The other things that bothered me was that I wrote a kind Mother’s Day message on her Facebook, which she saw but never acknowledged on Facebook or said anything to me, and she completely ignored my happy birthday post to our daughter on Facebook. She was so quick to acknowledge the person she called “Satan” but not to her husband. I am considering the possibility that I am overly sensitive these days. My wife just went through a real bad case of postpartum rage where she was verbally abusive toward me and I genuinely felt like she hated me. It has left me with what she believes to be ptsd and says she feels very badly about it. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced and it nearly ended our family. Am I over-reacting or was my wife out of line?
Why did she delete the thread when I pressed her to show Sarah?
Was her thank you “gushing” and a bit much, considering the circumstances?
Is my wife really the one that’s two faced?
What should I make of John’s actions with my wife? Should it rub me the wrong way!?
Was telling my wife that we were so lucky to have her flirtatious and should she have replied that they were blessed to have Sarah!?
Would Sarah be hurt by my wife’s conversation with her husband?
Why did my wife feel so anxious to be the one to thank him for the gifts directly and praise him for coming and telling him it meant so much that he brought the kids and waited around?
Thanks in advance

My husband and I have been married for 1 year, together for 4, and we have 1 baby (8Months). We are both very young. So young really, that I despise being here in this group already, let alone disclosing our age. He has a drinking problem. It was very bad for a while, he was drinking 1 L bottles of 99 banana vodka every 2 days. And he was a completely different person. After some rock bottoms times with him, he is no longer “allowed” to drink liquor, I do say I’m okay with beer because he feels like he is making the decision and I understand that trying to control him will only enable him, as I have found hidden bottles on multiple occasions. I rarely ever drink and I watch the credit cards as well because it easily goes unnoticed. He has not done this in a while, and I just want so badly to not be constantly watching, Listening, assuming, and snooping. It only hurts my feelings more most of the time. HOW do I stop feeling and acting like this? I want so badly to trust him again but I just can’t. Please any advice?

I'm not sure where to post this, but i need some opinions/validation/advice/whatever i just want to fix this and make my wife happy. This might jump all over, and I'm sorry but bear with me. I'm also going to attempt to describe the whole situation, but if theres questions i will be happy to answer.
I'll start by saying I(37m) have a high sex drive, and my wife(34f) has a low sex drive. I want/need an orgasm daily whether that be from sex or masturbating. I have been married for 16 years and always been faithful to my wife, and she has always been faithful to me, as far as I know and I have no reason to believe otherwise. To me, the orgasm that I need doesn't have to come from intercourse and i would never cheat on my wife. I'm attracted to her and the emotional connection is what fuels my desire for sex with her. Basically, what I'm saying is that I don't want to have sex with anyone else. I dont sleep well if I haven't had an orgasm, and i lie there in bed feeling bored and frustrated until I fall asleep and I dont feel rested when I wake up in the morning.
There's been some things lately that I'm uncomfortable with, and I don't really know how to describe how it makes me feel, but I'm going to try.
First, I'm a pleaser and my kink is making her cum. I try to be very self aware and i hear complaints about men who get in, bust, and get out leaving their partner unsatisfied and frustrated. I always initiate with foreplay, then i go down on her so she has an orgasm, then we have sex. I tried to have a conversation with her about her wants and i shared mine, and it seems like we both want the same thing. I want to be told what to do, I want to know what she wants me to do to her. I'm not a mind reader and she knows her body better than I ever could. She said she wants to be submissive and not make decisions because she makes decisions all day and doesn't want to in the bedroom. I get it, because that's how i feel as well.
When we have sex she always covers her face with a pillow, I'm not sure why. I've asked her and she says she doesn't know. When i ask her what she wants me to do to her, she shrugs or says I dont know. The only thing ive gotten out of her after years of basically begging her to tell me what she likes or wants is "the only thing off limits is any butt stuff". Got it. I'm not really the type that wants to do anal anyway, it's just not my bag. So it seems like we're compatible, i think. I mean, i dont have a need that's off limits to her, and she doesn't have a need that's off limits to me.
In the past my communication has been has been an issue, and I am aware of my flaws. I suffered an injury that caused sensorineural hearing loss. This has caused me to have a real hard time controlling my tone. Not my volume, but the tone in which I say things so sometimes things sound like I'm being sarcastic or rude when I'm not trying to be. I decided to see a therapist to learn some techniques to better communicate. I've been trying, but it it's not perfect. And hearing aids aren't an option because it doesn't matter how loud the sounds are, there are just some frequencies my brain cant interpret. Certain sounds just sound like im under water, or like im holding cups over my ears.
I told my wife about going to therapy for this and the response was "I've been with you for 13 years since the injury, I know you cant control your tone and I've learned to just listen to what words are said and not how they are said". That's great, but what about every other conversation I have in life? I want to learn skills to better communicate with everyone, because no one will know just by looking at me that I'm not trying to be a dick when I have a "snappy" tone.
During my therapy sessions we have uncovered other traumas that i want to address that have lead to trust issues that I have. And my trust issues are backwards from most peoples. When i was young, i was accused of lying all the time, even when I was being honest. I remember how this made me feel so I always try to trust people more than I probably should. So I've been going to therapy for about six months now.
Last week, my wife asks "are you cheating on me?" I was kind of shocked by this because, 1. I'm not and 2. I'm not sure what behaviors I've displayed to make her question my fidelity. I tell her no, and ask why she would think that. She tells me it's because I'm in therapy, and working on myself. I have referred to my therapy appointments as "going to the gym for my mind". She tells me that I'm perfect for her the way I am and the men that she knows that go to therapy without obvious flaws are either cheating or considering cheating or have some sort of guilt they're dealing with. I can see my therapists notes on the app, i have nothing to hide, so i downloaded them and showed them to her. I'm not sure if she read them, but i made them available to her if she wanted to read them. I know i didn't have to, but maybe this is because i was always accused of being deceptive by my parents and i could prove that i wasnt in this case so i took the opportunity to do that.
I'll add that she grew up in a dysfunctional household and was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by a close relative for many years. The other day she was complaining about a work colleague and their sexual promiscuity and infidelity. Her colleague was sexually abused when she was younger, and my wife says "abuse victims typically become hyper sexual or have little interest in sex at all. Very few have 'normal' sex lives like me".
Anyway, back to the bedroom parts. Like i said, I need to have an orgasm every day to sleep well, and to feel clear minded. Somehow it came up that I don't feel desired by her because she has never initiated sex. She says "I do too initiate sex, I know I've done it at least once." I told her "no you havent, I would remember it and it would probably be a life changing moment for me to feel desired". I try to initiate that night with her, and she turns me down so I decide to masturbate. I'm not going to the couch because I have kids that could walk in, and I'm tired of doing it on the toilet because it just feels weird to me. Plus, our bathroom is huge with the sliding barn doors so it's not really private anyway. I don't watch porn, i masturbate to thoughts about her. So, I thought to myself. If my wife wanted to have sex with me, and i turned her down, and she began masturbating, how would i feel? I think that would be hot, and perfectly acceptable. So I decide to do it in the bed. I'm not going hard and rattling the bedframe or anything, but she turns over and says "are you playing with yourself?" I brief moment passes where i try to decide if im going to lie, but i dont and say "yes" and she rolls over, climbs on top of me and rides me until i orgasm. A couple days later i try to initiate again, she turns me down, I do the same thing. I'm not doing it to pressure her into having sex, but I'm tired of doing it in the bathroom. This time she rolls over says "are you playing with yourself?" I say, yes and she gets fucking pissed. She tells me that she feels like it makes her feel like she's not loved. I tried to come up with something to say but all i could muster up was "I'm sorry" through the massive lump in my throat and the tears that were brewing in my eyes. I never wanted to make her feel that way, and i never want to do that again. How do i fix this?

Hi everyone. I feel like my dad's diabetes is the source of many of my traumas.
He gets angry if he feels that anyone judges or wants to change what he eats. But the he has no self control and eats everything that is available, in the middle of the night. We went through harder times money wise and he ate big portions that were not only bad for him but also eating the portions that should have gone to others.
All my life we had to watch him be gluttonous over food, eating food that is obviously bad for him. My mom cooks really healthy but if there is carb heavy meal, we will cook a healthier option for him on the side. Even then it only leads to him eating two big portions, one of our carby food and one additional of the healthier option.
If I cook something and say beforehand that it is only for me, he will come and eat it anyway or ask for the rest of it. If I say no, he is visible disappointed and annoyed, saying I should be more respectful.
If someone buys food for the family and everyone gets equal pieces, he will eat mom's as well.
Then he has to undergo surgeries, expensive medicine, is unbalanced and only tired all day. He is mad at himself for his late night snack attacks but also mad if we restrict him by not buying snacks. We wouldn't mind and offer it , but he says he doesn't want to feel like a child. That he wants to make his own decisions. So all our live we had to hide the sweets away in secret cupboards and he got angry when he found out.
It just feels so heavy for the rest of the family.
Since he is eating himself to death and deeper into sickness and all we can do is watch.
Also, at least two of us children gained eating disorders from the unhealthy relationship to food. As a teen I was anorexic and my brother has a binge eating disorder. And everytime we eat together it has the potential of being a topic of discussion again.
Has anyone of you dealt with a similar trauma? I don't even know where to get resources how to handle it. It seems so silly to be angry at my dad for his sickness. I feel like the worst kid to even talk about it.

eFootball gameplay seem to be going in a bad direction for the past months. To much AI defending/assistance/game balancing, game adding input lag, interceptions, poor passing, fouls not called for, hot potato football not rewarding any type of skillful play. The gameplay feels like its on rails, freedom is gone, players don't respond to your inputs and chances are created by either teams AI players mistakes or incredibly stupid runs. It's just not fun to play anymore. Neither online or vs AI.
eFootball could be fantastic if Konami would listen to ideas, criticism and improve. Here is my wishlist. Feedback based on me and the kids playing on PS4, PS5 and mobile. Offline and online.

1. Reduce the heavy AI assistance / game-balancing / handholding / Auto defending / Dynamic Difficulty / momentum / whatchamacallit (scr...). I understand its for getting new players staying in the game, having a chance getting coins in the events and winning games. And perhaps make games more non-predictable "anything can happen, maybe". With the current AI handholding level its "anything will happen, constantly". So many chances are created by either teams AI players making mistakes or just making incredibly stupid runs, its like a badly scripted B-movie. The amount of goalpost hits and missed open goals is just silly currently, this goes on until the last few minutes of each match. Please reduce it, or even remove it from Co-op and other game modes where skill should be rewarded. I'd rather get smashed 15-0 and learn from a good player. Than having to play another game with: added input lag and your players turn, react with 0,5 sec delay / 1 team loses every header / 4 shots in goalpost / own goals / missed open goals from 2-3m consequently, instead you have to run the ball into goal!!! / hide n seek players with pass receiver running away from the ball positioning behind defender / every ball intercepted / misdirected passes / every pass straight to other team / passes goes through "invisible" player / player freezing or even running wrong direction vs your stick / opponent attacking with high punt or lofted pass but your defender running past the ball towards opposition goal / ball glued to opposite player in the box / every attempt clearing the ball goes short distance straight to other team, even goalie high punt / all stunning shots 3m over the goal before 85min + all the other crap that's in there. This gameplay on rails is so unrewarding. If I manage to do something skillfull the AI assistance just kills the opportunity with any means. When the AI assistance takes a break, I get an easy goal with no effort from a random through pass + tap in. Many times I can't tell if I am playing well or the game has decided I should win/lose, it kills the joy for me and it's just boring. If Konami could tone down all the weird punishments I'd be very grateful.
2. Passing and interceptions. Currently worst ever IMO. Game just decides your pass from a player in balance is 90-180 degrees of straight to opponent. Even on Beginner AI and no matter PA1, 2 or 3😂 And the constant interceptions. No flow in the game. Please work on this Konami.
3. Remove the artificial input-lag. (This is a controversial one, some players simply don't believe our experience it. For me it's obvious as it can be tested offline in several ways on PS5, on mobile I havent tried to confirm it) Stop punishing one side with artificial input lag which make the gameplay feel heavy, unresponsive and your players turn & react with 0,5 sec delay. This is not from server lag as it's there in AI matches and local Trial matches as well, just switch controller between team 1 & 2 and feel the difference. It might activate from beginning of game, or in 2nd half, usually when you are doing well. And vice versa it can dissapear in 2nd half. From my experience it can be reduced or removed by switching playstyle. When finding the right playstyle for that specific match, your players suddenly become responsive again, it can even happen after switching to lowest Manager profiency. I assume its part of the game balancing mechanics. For me this is one of the worst things in the current game, when it kicks in your players don't respond to inputs in time and gameplay just feels awful.
4. Fix the player freezing. Example: after losing a header to last defender suddenly your attacker just freezes. What's going on here? Have Konami added to much AI handholding and broken the game? 😂😂😂
5. Reward different playstyles like build up play. Currently most games seem to be high press, interception ping-pong, quick pass and no dribbles. Hot potato football. Holding the ball has become very difficult. Before the AI assistance and auto defending went berzerk, you could actually keep the ball for a second and do something creative. Without 3-5 guys surrounding your player with no options. Now the gameplay is boring with the lack of variety.
6. Create a game mode free from AI assistance & artificial input lag. Just pure skill. It could be beta, division free or whatever just let us play without the heavy AI handholding. And maybe eFootball will be esports ready 😉. To be honest if another football game is released without momentum/game-balancing /added input-lag and with gameplay based on pure skill. I think eFootball will lose a lot of players.
7. Add Dream team into Trial match. We have 2 kids who love the card collecting and building their team. But playing online is of no interest to them, and won't be in many years. They want to play local PvP or co-op but with their own Dream team. By now we are very tired of playing the same local play Trial match Argentina Vs PSG. The kids have almost stopped playing eFootball, since they cant play against each other with their own team. In addition this would be a great way to test out new players, builds and game mechanics together with a friend. Much more fun than training mode. This mode is what my family is missing most from this game. And if it would be a "pure" mode without any momentum/game-balancing things would be fantastic. Just pure skill, best player wins.
8. Please add Dream team to Trial match local co-op Vs AI. Would be so much fun to test your Dream Team against the AI together with the kids or a friend on the couch beside you. Would love this mode if it would become available.
9. Add local co-op in Events. Would be great if me and the kids could take on the events together. At least add it to the AI events. Then we would actually play them and not just sim them.
10. Myleague local co-op. Add both local and online co-op into Myleague please. A reason to play it and win the league together with the kids 😀
11. Make My League worth playing. 100.000GP for completing 38 matches and winning the league is very poor IMO. Add some skill trainers and raise the GP perhaps?
12. Add all Goal Scorers, Assists and Passes made to Half Time and Full Time game stats. So we can quickly get the overview of which player cards performed well in both teams. That information would be highly appreciated.
13. Contract renewal is way too expensive. Considering many players have paid plenty in real money to get the favourite players, and you only get to keep your player for 1 year. We are paying for this digital football Pokémon and we can't even use it as long as we would like. There should be more ways to get contract renewals, the periods should be longer, 3/6/9/12months and the price should be lower. Currently it's just irritating and another killing the fun factor.
14. Make each playstyle worth using. And reward playing different type of formations. Instead of everyone using META 4 defenders and no wingers/LMF/RMF.
15. Better & more expensive Point shop players. Can we please have some decent players? I'd gladly spend 50000-100000 pink points for a player if his stats are good. IMO there hasn't been an interesting player since Ferrer & Pires. Currently I don't see any use for points except contact renewal.
16. Remove the GP cost for player reset. Having to wait for 2-3 months and then stressing for a few free weeks to retrain and test new builds doesn't make sense. GP is too valuable for me, I use it for Legacy Transfer and Contract renewal, and the few occasional GP buys for Events or hidden gems. I enjoy training players and trying out new builds, if free it would keep me logging in even when there is nothing else to do in the game.
17. Reduce the cost for Legacy transfer. Getting your wanted skills and then transferring to your favourite player is one of the game aspects I really like. But 257,000 GP for one transfer is a lot and takes away much of the fun in Legacy transfer. You get 1 Mbappe for less than 2 Legacy transfer. I am always low on GP these days, and I think 100,000-150,000 GP would be reasonable for Legacy transfer for 1 skill.
18. Legacy transfer of skills to POTW cards. If we could add 1-2 skills to the POTW the cards would be more interesting and I'd spend more coins spinning. We would get more varied and unpredictable squads instead of everybody using the same players. Most players know the good cards, what to expect from opponents cards and how to counter. Lets say you add some strong passing or shooting skills to a player usually weak in that aspect. The unpredicability would be awesome!
19. Replace/delete added skills. Building players would be much more fun if I could replace a trained skill with another one using legacy transfer. Or just be able to delete an added skill. Perhaps my playstyle changes and I want Neymar to have Through passing instead of the previously added Long-range shooting.
20. GP an option for pack spins. But it shouldn't be easy. Hard grind should be rewarded as it gives a reason to play the game. I am thinking 7,5M GP you get 75 spins in a 150 pack. That takes perhaps 6 months to grind. And perhaps the remaining 75 spins is coins only. Lower thresholds like 10 spins för 1M GP would be great but I understand its not gonna happen, as it would hurt the coin sales.
21. Remove the 500 player cap or reduce cost of adding player slots. If you are grinding skill trainers with 0GP players and training players the 500 fills up quite easily. Or reduce the 500.000GP for an extra 50 players to maybe 100.000GP. This 500 player limit is very annoying and seems unnecessary.
22. Add skill trainers and position trainers to each match pass. Would make the Match Pass way more interesting and I would spend coins.
23. Make it worthwhile playing League / divisions. Currently I don't see much reason to play it. A few skill trainers and low GP reward can't motivate me spending the time.
24. Find a way to prevent players from forfeiting games, at least events and co-op. Maybe if you are down a few goals sometimes add a random bonus like score with player X to receive 1 skill trainer, 10000 GP or something. Just to motivate players completing the match. Or create a non forfeit streak, like 10, 20 or 30 games without forfeit and you get an free extra POTW spin. (Credit: Part of this idea is from eFootball Universe Youtube)
25. 1st celebration should also be skippable. It's just time consuming in online games. Not adding any value to except maybe noobs who scored their first goal ever.
26. An option to make Sub tactic clearly visible in Game plan if activated. I played to many games now without knowing I had sub-tactic activated 😂
27. Matchmaking. This was good for a while after the matchmaking update, but not anymore. There must be something seriously wrong here. When playing in Division 9 to 7, we constantly get division 1-2 opponents in the events. Had top 120 and top 200 in a row even. 750M downloads and nobody else playing. Really?
28. The daily penalty needs an upgrade. Suggestion: More fun If I could choose player from my Dream Team. And add random Epic goalies to spice it up 😉
29. Add statistics of headers, penalties and free kicks scored on each player card. This would add value and make it more interesting building squads. Konami you have the data, use it!
30. More variety in Events. BBVA, Turkish, Brazilian Italian, English, Japan league. Over and over and over... Cmon Konami create something different so we can rotate our squads more. Suggestion: An event where only max 4 star players are allowed? Or higher GP rewards the weaker squad you use? (Credit: idea is partly from Rockchok Youtube)
31. More Beat the Clock type of events. Both me and the kids enjoyed this one. Create something similar for skill moves. Example: Perform 5 Double touch + 5 Marseille turn across pitch with fixed dummies or defending players. Or a sequence where you have to perform skill move x and y before scoring.
32. Objectives with extra bonuses. Add weekly objectives or similar. Score a hat-trick, win on penalties or score 5 times using skill move. And get some type of rewards, GP, Skill trainers, Position trainers, avatars, whatever just variety and something to play for.
33. Co-op events. So much potential but the gameplay on rails, AI assistance and the constant random AI punishments kills the fun for me. You feel almost instantly if the AI assistance is on your side or against you. Either everything goes your way and it's too easy or Epics can't make a simple pass, the input lag kicks in and your player is even dragged out of position so the other team can score. Every game feels pre-decided with almost every touch being a mistake or fumble by the team who is supposed to concede a goal. Or its 1 goal back and forth with short sequences where the conceeding team can't touch the ball. In my experience the AI assistance is at its worst in the Co-op games. Quite easy to spot as players regularly just drop the controller. And game continues to auto defend like prime AC Milan, the non-active player is forcefielded holding the ball, every ball in the box is magically sucked to defenders feet and passes and clearings going 90-180 degrees off straight to opponent. Recent example which has happened in several co-op games: Goalie makes several stupid run outs to a perfect 4 man defending line, leaving the net wide open. Changing goalie doesn't help. Same thing with 2nd goalie until opponent gets his 2 goals. Sorry but when my player, gameplay and result is controlled by AI instead of me and my teammate I lose interest.
34. Add 2nd local player to co-op events. Why can't 2 players join the co-op events together from one Playstation? Me and the kids would play co-op events a lot if this was possbile.
35. Booster player forms. Wirtz card and several other are never on A-form. Whats the point of creating a booster card then? (credit: PES Pepe Youtube)
36. Communication. Info on gameplay changes in each update would be appreciated. Like before. (credit: PES Pepe Youtube))
37. Heavy first touch or fumble receiving the ball. +90 Ball control player cant receive a pass without starting to fumble or needing several seconds to gain control, then losing the ball, again and again and again. Does stats even matter when game balancing just decides anyway?
38. Don't launch Crossplay with mobile. I suspect the recent braindead heavy assisted gameplay is needed for upcoming crossplay console & mobile update. This might be what we are getting. Gameplay on rails, autodefend, no skill, unrewarding, boring. I hope I am wrong and the previous fun gameplay on console is not gone forever 😢.
39. Master League? Promised some years ago. I guess it does not generate enough coin sales?
40. Edit mode. Create a custom crest and kits for our dream team.
41. AI games are boring and inconsistent. Even on easier difficulties the dynamic game balancing makes you miss so many chances in 1st half, open goals whatever. Then in 2nd its just walk the ball into box and quick shot goal. But if you decide to pass the ball in the box then it's magnet to defender, why not reward passing in the box? The inconsistency in the AI is just bad. And the coding seems lazy. I watch our 11 year old play and do all the right things, but the game just kills all her self-created chances. On harder difficulties even if I read the play and position perfectly to intercept a pass, the pass goes straight through my defender. And adding to that the constant interceptions and not being able to hold ball more than 0.3sec. To my understanding the AI was better before without having to bypass game mechanics (cheat), instead it was actually playing smarter. For me playing the AI is either to easy once the early game "Thou shall not score" wears off or just boring on higher difficulties. How hard is it to develop AI gameplay which is both fun, rewarding and teaching how to play better?
42. Player speed is broken. The slowest defender will catch up in 2-3 seconds with any attacker running with the ball. No matter stats of players. You make a great pass but this broken game mechanic ruins the opportunity. This is both unrealistic and highly unrewarding.
43. Player switching. Another game mechanic which seems broken and with hidden punishments added. I have mostly been using semi-assist and player oriented switching, R stick to switch. Recently switched to ball-oriented. And in my experience. When the game is against you, it constantly punishes you with bad player switching and worst default player selection. Many times the game refuses to switch to player in front of ball when I am trying to defend. Instead I am flicking through the guys behind the attacking player, while I am trying to get control of my defender. When I have free kick against me, default player is always the worst possible option eg. my CF standing 10m behind the free kick taker. Why? I enjoy a challenge but having to fight with my controller is not one of them.
44. Sort player list by team name. Would help when choosing team for events. And a nice feature when browsing all my players.
45. Position trainers. This feature was a nice addition. But can be improved and made more interesting. (A) Remove the possibility of getting duplicates on full position slots. It's just stupid and annoying. (B) Add random playstyle rewards on the new position. So an AMF Hole Player could also be SS Deep Lying Forward after Position training. (Credit: efNuts YouTube)

Some of these are cosmetics and should be quite easy to implement, whereas others like new type of events takes more effort. Dream team in Trial mode and adding already existing local Co-op to more events/game modes shouldn't be that difficult. Gameplay affecting changes are likely hard and need to be tested so it doesn't affect game in a negative way.
I guess Konami calculates profits are better by pushing all players to online play. But at the same time they are neglecting the player group which prefers offline, and are willing to buy coins to get their favourite players cards. Hopefully Konami will reconsider, add a proper Master League and more offline modes with co-op and PvP.
All in all it should result in a more enjoyable experience for both ballers, casuals, squad-builders, card-collectors and those who just want offline couch co-op or PvP with their Dream team. More people having fun and spending time in the game usually results in praise, recommendations and growing user count = more coins spent. Konami keeps earning and customer base is happy. Everyone wins.
/ Cheers and thanks for reading
(This post is continously edited)
https://preview.redd.it/k4gl1sw8z51d1.jpg?width=731&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e99aba57f1ea3678f5d722365604e52ec97edfb4

Why does nothing ever work out in my life? It’s like my whole life is against me. Honestly, I don’t see a problem with myself because I always try my best to improve my education, confidence, and skills. Despite working hard and planning everything perfectly, nothing ever works out. It's been like this ever since I was a child. No matter how hard I try and plan for my goals, the most random, unlucky events come out of nowhere and ruin everything.
You might think I’m just a negative-minded person from this, but trust me, I’ve always tried my best to stay positive. I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m not just an unlucky loser and that it’s all in my head. I’ve done everything I could to change my mindset: going to therapy, seeking God, reading motivational quotes, finding mentors, coaches, using positive affirmations, and self-talk. But in the end, I can’t hide the harsh truth. The truth always shows itself.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t name a single goal or plan that has succeeded in the last three years. I’m so tired, devastated, desperate, and burnt out. What’s the point of trying so hard if I’m just gonna end up failing? It’s the same with my relationships. I’m nearly 23 years old female,and I’ve never dated anyone in my entire life and I’m not even ugly I’m actually considered very attractive. I’ve talked to so many guys, but none of them succeeded.I might sound crazy and self centered but I can confidently say I was never the problem but trust me I’ve tried so hard to build meaningful connections,but another unexpected unlucky event always seem to tear them apart and boom another failed talking stage 😐.And these events keep getting worser.It got so bad to the point I almost succeeded with one guy, but he randomly got hit by a car the _DAY_before our FIRST date .I almost thought I finally found love of my life this time after this tragic event I stopped trying to be positive minded and my mental health got so bad all I can think about is how unfair and cruel life is to me like what did I do to deserve this??????????????
My life is like a fcking joke it reminds of me that “sever years had luck” movie I always ask god why am I born like this and why it’s not even getting better but worser.
I’ve been to countless therapy sessions, hoping to change my mindset. Every therapist tells me to focus on the positives and let go of control. But every time I try, another setback reinforces my belief that my life is against me. It’s exhausting and demoralizing.And my mental health keep getting worser but at the same time I can’t end up like this I can’t end up killing myself I didn’t go through all these just to kill myself in the end I’m soooooo tired and drained and feeling weak please PLEASE are there any way to change my unlucky life by any chance ?????

My fellow brothers, this is me[M23] writing my heart here to let you all know that whether we agree or disagree, life is difficult for us(men). I am currently on day 12, and after many failures, have had long streaks in past even for 50+ days. I am here to tell you all as a man, we should stop complaining about the difficulties we are having in our life, and also stop looking for a time when all of this will end because it never will . . .
Just accept this thing and start to embrace the pain, embrace the beauty of nature, the sunrise and sunsets, the fresh air flowing in our healthy lungs(say no to smoking), feeling of a warrior in the morning, taking cold showers, feeling of raging blood circulating in our body, the sound of birds, the abstract cloud, the beauty of our very existence the earth, the universe and stop arguing with people, let them think they are better, take your energy and time as currency, spend it wisely . . .
PASTE THIS ON YOUR WALL:

"have I accomplished the goals I have set for myself in this life"
"are my current actions taking me closer to these goals"

and then get back to work towards your purpose, because an aimless man is a woman
It is the same, we wake up, we fight, sometimes we win(1/10 or 2/10), and most of the time we lose(8/10 or 9/10), but remember brothers, stop waiting for someone who will feel pity for you(especially girls),
LIKE IT IS SAID IN BATMAN BEGINS:

"why do we fall sir... so that we can learn to pick ourselves up"

every day, repeating the same monotonous things.
Earlier I used to think about why and how people say that happiness comes from the inside, it is not necessary that you will be happy after coming in a healthy relationship, but now I have started to realize that if we are making our happiness dependent on some thing/person other than us, then basically we are giving control of our life in their hands, instead the truth is happiness is a state of mind, it is an attitude, at first start pretending, your subconscious mind will soon start to accept this, stop living in melancholy, stop watching rom-shit movies and similar songs, there are bigger purposes for you waiting, think about the bigger picture, god wants you to do the great things, you are not average, don't get yourself involved in basic things (matrix).
Also what I have realized, a good godly woman will stay if she is understanding enough that the universe doesn't revolve around her and we(men) have bigger purposes than her, she could be a co-passenger in our journey, in fact, if she will be the "one" she will not hesitate to understand this about you and will help you serve the bigger purpose.
Embracing pain and nature is the best thing we can do while being on nofap, meditation will work as a catalyst in your journey of healing, and for god's sake stop peaking, the best way to leave something is to completely cut it off.
Earlier I used to have difficulty while meditating, I came across this YT short of Gaur Gopal Das, where he said that as a beginner what we can do is instead of actually sitting quietly and meditating, we can start to focus on one thing at a time, for example - no youtube while having your meals, enjoy and feel the meals, basically stop multitasking, do one thing at a time with full focus.
Then, most of the people misunderstand the meaning of meditation, let me clarify it's not just about sitting and not thinking about anything or stopping our thoughts.
for example, suppose you are sitting on a train platform where no train stops, the thoughts are the train, they come and they leave you just feel yeah that train came and gone, you don't count the bogies it has, what color are they, nothing, and after the practice of a few days, you will realize that there will come a stage of thoughtlessness, just hold to that stage for a longer and longer period, that is the meditative stage.
all right fellas, enough for today, will write again later, stop complaining, man up yourself, Gotham needs you . . .

Hi all, I'm new to this phone and not sure how to get volume control in the "control center" like portion of this phone. It's the one thing from keeping me using it daily. (Silly, I know).
Also, I was looking on YouTube thinking maybe it would come in the android 15 beta when it arrives but apparently it's already in Android 14 according to this video comparison but apparently android 14 is on the right and already has it...so I'm very confused.
Any help would be appreciated

This is a new record for me at the age of 30. I have not gone a week without drinking for the past decade.
The hardest part for me was hanging out with the same peers and not drink. Peer pressure, ability to not control myself, etc.
These past 2 weekends, I’ve gone out with my friends. What clicked for them was a mutual friend of ours dying from alcohol. Another one, is already on the way.
I told them I am going taking a break for a while. This time they didn’t argue. They sure as hell love that I’m their designated driver. Even at the clubs, their friends (girls) feel much safer knowing one of the guys is completely sober just incase they get hammered and I can ensure they get home safe.
From going to 2 bottles of whiskey a day. Having the doctor tell me I’ll die in 2 years if I don’t slow it down. Makes me feel slightly embarrassed that I’m proud of myself and almost want to cry for not drinking for 20 days.
I’m back to studying 📚 after my shift is over. I’m back to YouTubing cooking videos to try a new meal for the weekend. The old me is slowly coming back.
The part of me that always over promised, never delivered, always said “I’ll do it another day”. Is slowly dying. I haven’t told any of my friends how I feel. I only feel comfortable with this community because some of you have gone through the same thorny path im marching through.
Like they say, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going”. Instead of feeling thorns on my feet. I’m slowly starting to feel the roses blossom.
IWNDWYT.

Hey, so I'm asking this because I need some kind of objective metric for what I do to help around the house. Basically I'm trying to work out if I'm A: Married to someone who makes unrealistic demands that I'm being punished for not meeting or B: Doing the bare minimum/not enough and need to get my act together.
This morning, I (M34) woke up early, so came downstairs so my wife (F34) could sleep in. We both lead busy lives and I figured a couple hours extra sleep would be nice for her. The vaccum cleaner was downstairs after we cleaned the house yesterday and needed to be emptied. There were a couple bits of tupperware in the sink which I thought i'd wash later so as not to make noise (I'm clumsy). I fed the cats, emptied their litter trays and decided to chill for a couple of hours until my wife awoke. Emptied the vaccum in the meantime.
she comes down, finds me watching some youtube (jerryrigeverything ripping apart an m4 iPad) nothing sus. We have breakfast and we're about to go out, I show her some photos on my laptop from a trip and she's stroking my head which made me a bit uncomfortable so i moved away, maybe a bit quickly and with a sigh because the photos weren't downloading off the photo lab website and I was a bit frustrated at that, and this vexed her because she then told me how whilst she's been asleep I'd not: loaded the washing machine, cleaned the french windows which had some dirt on them, i'd left some socks on the floor in the bedroom and not washed up and its on her again to do everything round the house.
I try extremely hard to be attentive and help out where possible- we clean the house together almost every week, top to bottom. (sometimes it's one of us if the situation demands- like someone's out or busy etc), I grab bits from the shops after work, get her little surprises, chocolate, flowers etc, we go grocery shopping together most weeks. Whenever there's some chores to do, I help, though soemtimes i whine about it but chores suck and everyone complains about them right? Admittedly, because she works from home and does housework during the day, cooks a lot, but this is because I work on-site and physically can't be home to do that labour. I would if the situation was reversed. I clean up after the cats, and feed them when I get a chance, I make her a morning coffee, set up her laptop, I cook when I can but again, not home all the time. I'm also quite absent minded and clumsy, so things genuinely pass me by, and having depression makes it extremely hard for me to even want to get out of bed at times because I feel so heavy- I do it, but sometimes it's hard to do all the things that need doing. Maybe it makes her feel like I don't care?
I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm not seeking pats on the back for being a 'good guy' or whatever but I'm genuinley unsure what to do as this feels like a consistant issue for her and I want to solve it, or if I know its me in the wrong, I can keep trying to improve. I've never had a healthy relationship before this one, so my own ideas of proper behaviour and stuff is fucked and I never know if what i'm doing is right or if i'm being difficult.
TLDR: Am I doing enough to help my wife and she's expecting too much or am I expecting gratitiude for doing too little? Or is there a deeper issue I/we need to address

https://reddit.com/link/1cuu91j/video/o5nda1htv51d1/player
In today's digital age, data privacy regulations have become a key concern for businesses, especially digital marketers. Understanding the implications of these regulations is crucial to ensure compliance and maintain trust with consumers. In this article, we will explore the various data privacy regulations that impact digital marketers and discuss how they can navigate this complex landscape to protect both consumer data and their own reputation.
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So I don't know if I have anhedonia or alexithymia, or maybe both, or worst case scenario... I don't have a "soul".
Whatever it is, I'm fairly certain I know where it started. Back when I was a child, ages 8-13, I was in an extremely abusive foster home. I won't go in to detail because I don't want to break any rules or anything.
But suffice it to say, I've only had maybe a couple dozen encounters with emotions. Most of which were jealousy and rage. At least, that's what I understand them to be.
I've only felt "good" 3 times in my entire life. The first was when I was going through Basic Combat Training, we were 4 or 5 weeks in and we were doing our morning routine and while I was stretching my arm behind my head, I felt my bicep push against my head. I could feel how solid it was and this sent a momentary sense of pride, physically it felt like a shock but it felt good.
The second and third occurred about a year ago. I was experimenting with cooking (first time I had ever done so), I was making jalapeño hotdogs with a roasted garlic whipped cream spread.
The third time I was making chicken enchiladas, which turned into burritos, in a heavy cream reduction sauce.
Both of these occasions I felt, the best I could describe is like an exhilaration, a natural high maybe. It lasted for only a few minutes.
Now, my experiences with jealousy and rage were far more substantial and lasted way longer.
My first bout with jealousy began a few weeks after I found out my first girlfriend was pregnant. It was constant, incessant all hours of the day, every day. I just couldn't escape the feeling that the child wasn't mine. We had been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years and then one day, poof!
I never expressed these issues to her though. I never accused her of anything. I kept it bottled inside and I just shoved it down as best as I could. The even odder thing is, the day our son was born, while he was getting his first shot. I put my index finger in the palm of his hand and he gently squeezed my finger when the needle went in and at that moment, all those thoughts just seemed to vanish.
A few years later she broke up with me and took our son out of state and I couldn't do anything to stop her.
2 years passed by and I found a new girlfriend, we git pregnant within 2 months. After 6 months, we moved in together and for the first few days everything was OK. But then I completely lost control of myself. I won't go in to detail but I know what all I did to her, and I can never take that back. It still haunts me to this day.
Our son died 1 week before birth, his umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck. And we only talked one time after that.
Then about 4 years later, I got with a girl I had met online. It was probably the most toxic relationship I've known of. We're talking like Eminem levels of toxic. Screaming, fighting, jealousy and rage. But when we were together it was like all was forgiven.
The truth is that after our fights, I would lay down in my bed and I just remember this physical sensation like the whole world was upside down. I tried to convince myself so many times that I hated the feeling, but in truth... I loved it and she knew I did.
After about 7 months or so, we got pregnant, what can I say? I guess I just didn't learn my lesson. And I've only seen him once since he was born. I tried to get her to let me see him, but she always had some excuse. I tried every day for 2 and a half years. And then I was just done... I couldn't do it anymore. So I walked away.
And you know, I was suicidal, had a plan and everything. But I ended up having second thoughts, so I did the most rational thing I could think of. I called for help. And God help me, they took me to the hospital my son was born in, and at first everything was OK. Just sitting there out in the hallway on a bed.
But then they moved me up to the psych ward and the second I walked into that room, tears just started flooding from my eyes. In my head, I wasn't feeling anything... but in my body, it was a sharp, burning sensation in the front of my throat. The room that they put me in looked identical to the room he was born in.
Bed in the same location, same blinds, same couch, everything. I wouldn't be able to tell you what I was feeling at that exact moment. Was it sadness? Was it rage? Was it sorrow? I don't know... all I know is I sat there and cried for 4 or 5 hours and then I just stopped, just out of the blue. And there was this new sensation in my chest that I had never felt before.
It felt warm, like a fire, a campfire to be specific. I could physically feel the warmth radiating in my chest. To this day, I don't know what it was, why it was there or where it came from. The only thing that was going through my head was that I was never going to let jealousy run my life again.
So after a few days they let me out and the first thing I did when I got home was I started searching on YouTube on how to control jealousy. Spent a few days watching numerous videos and I think I succeeded.
But that wasn't enough for me, oh no. That was just the beginning. I did this sort of made up meditation, I came up with it myself. I laid out all my memories in front of me, put them on the wall and I began going through them, one by one. Just kind of reprocessing each and every one.
At first it was rather easy, but it became excruciatingly difficult as I kept moving. I mean, physically, it felt like I was drowning. The burning in my throat, the feeling if needing air. And I just kept going and going. For 8 days I pretty much did nothing but this. I barely slept in those 8 days, hardly ate, hardly drank anything, hardly went to the bathroom. I just sat there for hours, just processing everything I had been through.
And you know... I'm not sure if it worked or what the intended outcome was or if I broke something inside my skull. But up until that point, my mind had always had several thoughts running through it. But the day that I woke up... there was nothing. Not a single damn thing was going in my mind. It was like everything just shut off and it's been that way ever since.
I had one major relationship after all this, but it just didn't pan out. But I had never accused her of cheating, even though there were several times where I really wanted to. So I'd say I was successful.
But more recently I've become aware of this emptiness inside me. I can't tell you exactly where it is, but it feels like there's something missing. Something important.
And at first, it ate at me for the longest time. And something changed inside my head. I've been being haunted by every single thing I have ever done, all the things I missed with my children, everything. It's been like a relentless tidal wave of sheer suffering, the worst it's ever been. It just keeps going and it doesn't stop.
To be honest with you, I've just become to numb to care anymore. I honestly feel like I'm dead already, I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.
Edit: you know, I'm not really sure what this is but I can you what it's not. It's not depression, or rather it's not JUST depression. There is something far, far worse going on inside me. I don't know what it is, but I know it's there. I honestly don't have the words to truly describe it.

My real event ocd is so hard to overcome because I have made some genuinely awful mistakes. I won’t go into it due to shame, but my past actions towards others have been abusive. My actions were a product of an abusive household, addiction, etc, and it wasn’t until I got therapy, quit drinking, and grew up more that I started to realise how fucked up my behaviour was. I know that’s no excuse though.
I just can’t forgive myself or move on. Memories of every bad thing I ever did play in my mind on repeat. All of it happened around ten years ago, and I still can’t let go. I can’t read a single AITA post without comparing the antagonist to myself, and I feel sick to my stomach knowing all these comments about how awful the person is apply to me The only glimmer of hope I have is that my boyfriend knows everything about my past and accepts me anyway. I told him before we started dating because I felt like I was “tricking” him if I didn’t.
I’ve tried exposure therapy, and it works to an extent. In the sense I can tolerate my own memories more. But my feelings of being unredeemable, unlovable, unworthy. They never go away. I have no friends anymore because of it. I can’t connect with new people because I feel like I’m hiding who I really am from them. I’m sure if people knew who I used to be, they wouldn’t want to be my friend. I Sometimes think it’d be great to start a YouTube channel for my hobbies, then I realise I’d be 100 percent cancelled if it ever got popular, and I’d deserve it honestly.
Anyway if you made it this far, I appreciate you reading this.

I am really struggling with a partner who is addicted to gaming, and I just want to say thank you ALL for being so vulnerable and honest about your own experiences. It gives me hope that perhaps my partner will reach the same realisations. That there is a way to enjoy the mundane, simple things in life and rebalance dopamine.
I am exasperated and finding it so hard to find constructive ways of expressing my concern for the amount of time he spends gaming. My partner is a wonderful, wonderful man, and I love him dearly. We are getting married next year, but the PlayStation causes rifts between us regularly.. I think he may be in denial, and I am putting too much pressure on it. I can't believe the situation I am in, and that I am scared of marriage, because of video games.
How can something so innocent cause so much grief. (I have been in severely abusive relationships in the past, so this issue really pales in comparison!) But it is still causing so many feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and worthlessness. I tried hiding the PlayStation recently, and we had the most wonderful week together. He was still using his phone to game, watch games on YouTube and surf gaming communities on here. He asked me for it back and promised to cut down (and honestly i felt a little crazy by hiding and withholding it anyway) so the PS was reinstated and the usage is creeping back up again.
I am so tired of broken promises and wondering if I should just give up asking him to change this behaviour in order to save myself the disappointment. I can tell that he desperately wants me to accept who he is as a gamer. He asks me what else he can do to relax, socialise, and let off steam. I ask myself, is it the worst thing in the world for him to have this problem?
But I can't resolve my feelings of pity seeing him work all day at his computer (he wfh) and then staying in the same corner to game during lunch breaks and in the evenings. I feel so alone when he is having a session.. but am I being selfish or too demanding or needy? We live together, both wfh, and do enjoy lots of quality time during our day. So is it the end of the world that he spends so many hours gaming? At least he's not down the pub, right...
I have lived alone for many years before he and i moved in together, and I really love my own company. I'm very independent and introverted. I am happy for us to do our own thing and be in separate parts of the house, and I feel that it is important to take time away from each other. However, I feel unable to enjoy my own down time in the house while he is gaming. Even the sound of the PS turning on brings on such strong feelings of resentment that I can't relax or focus on enjoying my own company as I feel so abandoned and neglected (This has been the case for the last 6 months or so. Being truly fed up with witnessing the attachment to the PS) I am so conflicted and worried for him and hurt for myself.
How can I be more supportive while helping him to see that there is a good life without needing the ps. I feel at this point that I am so hyperfocused on his gaming that it is ruining the chance of me handling this maturely and respectfully. I never knew gaming addiction was a thing, and it helps to see this community! I need all the advice I can get 🙌
I know that with any addiction, forcing the matter will just make it worse. I recently read "dopamine nation" which helped me a great deal! But I'm not a psychiatrist, I dont have the patience of a saint and I am not perfect myself. I make mistakes in how I am handling this conflict, and I desperately don't want him to feel criticised and shamed.
Please help me 🙌

Pokemon Rejuvenation is about Karma playing a game called Pokemon Rejuvenation.
Here's why.

• Karma was tasked by Variya to judge worlds as based or unbased and decide if they should continue or not continue. In each of these cases, each world can get some number of Interceptors who, effectively, get to compete against Karma, and can foil Karma's goals by choosing to destroy that world that Karma might think is going quite well. Even though the literal purpose of Karma is to get The Best Ending, Variya placed Interceptors in each world that effectively work for her, and might make contracts with her directly, outside of Karma. Why?
• Karma also notes his true enemy is World Shatterer, who is the one who's trying to destroy "all worlds"... but the way he says it makes it sound like that all worlds that get destroyed are because of World Shatterer. This would imply that whatever Madame X or Indriad are going around doing, somehow, this comes back to World Shatterer - that World Shatterer is responsible. How and why?
• In the Dev Q&A, Zumi was asked if there was enough information in the games to at least "make a guess" about who World Shatterer is, who Madame X is, and who Eden's real world counterpart is. And she said yes, for everyone but Eden. So whatever the answer to "who is World Shatterer", it's not some completely out of nowhere solution of "This character that hasn't yet been introduced", it's either "A character we're already aware of", or "Some concept we can easily guess at".

To that end, I think there's only one non-deranged answer - Variya. Let's go with that for a second.

• World Shatterer is, explicitly, a she. It's not Melia, because Karma talks about World Shatterer in front of Melia. How many female characters are there who could conceivably be a multiversal threat that's killing everything everywhere? We basically have Madame X, some non-M2 evil version of Melia (so, Madame X lol), Clear, The Sinnoh Trio, Melanie, Angie, a renegade Interceptor, some evil version of Erin, or some evil version of Alice.
• Clear and the Sinnoh girls can be ruled out pretty much instantly. Clear works for a higher power, so presumably any alternates she/Xara has are the same. The Sinnoh Girls, likewise, take all their cues from Variya. Melanie, even after overlapping with Melia, became basically a god, but never seemed like she'd have the power it takes to be World Shatterer - but maybe more importantly, Karma didn't seem to recognize Melia, even an evil Melia, as being close to World Shatterer at all. If World Shatterer is just some kind of M9001, wouldn't he show a sign of this? Maybe being less shocked that Melia was mean to him? Anything?
• I did say World Shatterer could be some kind of Renegade Interceptor - but then why specify a "she", if it's meant to be a known, named Interceptor? The only definitely canonical female Interceptors are Spacea, Tiempa, Crescent, and... I think V is Genderfluid? But we can rule out all four of those as World Shatterer very very easily. And it's not like there's any others... right?
• There are - Kieran, Clear and Eden are Interceptors. It's not any of them. I'll get back to that.
• But by process of elimination, the only real options are Angie and Variya, and of the two, come on it's not Angie.
• There's more evidence. Adrest is shocked to hear that Variya is still alive. She's not meant to be alive. That's going against the original plan that Variya had told Adrest. In fact, the realization of this appears to be what alerts Karma to Adrest and gets Adrest killed.
• Furthermore, Spacea and Tiempa are unequivocal - they call Variya "Her Majesty". They treat her like God. Effectively, she is. She's pulling a lot of strings. She's engineering things quite deliberately, and we know that because Spacea and Tiempa go out of the way to lay down the path for her Interceptor to follow since Crescent is barely interested in Intercepting.

Variya is the ONLY non-deranged candidate for World Shatterer, out of characters that have already been introduced. You could theorize it's maybe someone like Nymiera or Rune, Nymiera is still beneath Variya in the pecking order, and Rune was trying to save the world, not shatter it. And here's another thing.
Kieran, Clear, and Eden are Interceptors.

• The New Game Plus chessboard has specific pieces that appear to be only for Interceptors. Crescent and Paragon Interceptor each have a specific styled piece, labelled a star of hope. Team Xen has three Interceptor pieces - Kieran, Clear, and the Lumiceptor, which is what I call the Renegade Interceptor because I'm not playing that route myself I be watching the game footage on youtube, and Lumi was the name of the Interceptor I was watching and so that's the Lumiceptor to me now.
• Presumably, if Kieran and Clear are Interceptors, Eden must be one too, right? But KC are keenly aware of their own mortality, which is NOT very Interceptorly. We also KNOW they don't have access to Zeight or Zeight's Interceptor revives. Furtheremore, unlike the other Interceptors, they DON'T have access to the Core. That's kind of their entire goal!
• What's more, Kieran definitely goes on about how much he's NOT an Interceptor, doesn't he? He talks a lot about fate and wanting to be free of fate and how Fate Bad. If you Intercept him when playing as Ren by showing Interceptor knowledge you shouldn't have, he calls out The Interceptor, Singular, which would seem to imply... it's not him. So how can he be an Interceptor and not be an Interceptor?
• Because KC are attempts at creating ARTIFICIAL Interceptors without the need for Variya or Karma. Xara and Jean were the Interceptors in their homeworld - likely Madame X's homeworld - and Kieran and Clear were based on them for that reason. They were built on the moonbase lab and assigned to Madame X and Team Xen to help accomplish the goal of destroying everything everywhere - World Shattering.
• The moonbase lab does not work for Team Xen - it works for Variya, and represents an escaped fraction of the Original Humans who are totally outside of Karma and the system. The visor that Moon Lavender had resembles Kieran and Clear's. The moonbase is, primarily, a World Shatterer lab, working against Karma. To help Team Xen shatter worlds, they built Kieran and Clear, their Artificial Interceptors, but they still haven't quite perfected it - they can't access Zeight so they can't get Interceptor revives, and they can't fully escape Karma's ability to just control the timelines.

Variya is World Shatterer, and Kieran and Clear are Artificial Interceptors built by a moonside lab that supervises Karma from the outside and works for her as well. But Variya built Karma to save and protect everything. Why would she be fighting Karma too?
Because it's a game.
Karma could sit down and just create worlds of happy sunshine joy joy forever and be satisfied with that perfect ending being achieved in every world, and just strategically not make worlds that have certain types of people in it. To prevent Karma from doing that, the worlds need outside elements beyond just the Interceptors. Those outside elements are Team Xen and other threats to the world, all of which are supported by, or come from, the moonbase lab, which operates under the supervision of Variya and understand her true nature. Beyond just letting the system do all the work with the singular failsafe of The Interceptor, Variya has an entire faction of her own that exists to compete with Karma.
And Karma kind of enjoys it.
The way Karma talks about World Shatterer isn't like someone who's deeply concerned with all the people who are going to die. It's a competition. Karma makes "new versions" to really show World Shatterer who's boss. Karma kind of talks in a whiny and childish way, which for the record is awesome for this kind of character, but it again suggests someone who's not in an existential struggle for the soul of everything - it's someone who wants to win. Because playing this game is part of what Karma is supposed to do.
Karma was built to take the Pokemon world that was destroyed, and to... revive it. To make the new world, the best possible world, or the best possible, flourishing worlds, as would be approved by Variya and the Overseers. Karma is playing a game, of restoring the Pokemon world. A game of...
Pokemon Rejuvenation.
Wait, why would it be so meta? Why would Karma's game be called Pokemon Rejuvenation? Because that was the password to the secret files about Karma that Adrest was holding onto. The words "Pokemon Rejuvenation" are already right there for Karma and Adrest.
Except.
What if there's something else that Variya is after?
It was either Spacea or Tiempa who said that the boundaries between alternate selves was collapsing. We keep seeing this happen when Mosely and Amber remember Chapter 12. Let's circle back even further. Jan has said the actual purpose of Karma in the game is to prove there can be no True Ending. How can Karma's existence prove there's no True Ending, and why is Tiempa saying that the breakdown of the barriers between alternate selves is by the will of the Interceptor - and implicitly, by extension, Variya?
And what if, this is actually the key to beating Karma - beating Karma meaning not just freeing every world from Karma's control, but even freeing past worlds and past people from Karma's control?
Karma has overseen countless worlds filled with alternate selves, but the boundaries between these alternate selves are breaking down. I think this is Variya's win condition. She made Karma thinking that at some point, Karma would have to be shut down after enough blooming, flourishing worlds were created.
Here's my theory: When the barriers between alternate selves breakdown, if Karma isn't online, they won't overlap. But they won't just coexist either. Instead, they'll start to merge, and in a very fluid, weird way, that allows them to pick and choose which aspects of their history they want to be true.
All of a sudden, all those past histories that were fixed and chosen only by Karma are now in the control of all the characters freed from Karma's control, who now have the ability and power, in this weird fucked up non-overlapping state to pick and choose what they wanted their past to be too, and by extension, their future, and what worlds they'll fit into, and what the new worlds that exist after Karma will even be. Because for this to happen...
The old worlds will have to be Shattered.
You know, by some kind of, World Shatterer.
This would lead to all the characters not just gaining their freedom, but because they'll have so many different pasts and alternate selves to choose from, they'll have in some sense, never lost it in the first place. It will also lead to a fracturing of the timelines as new ones take shape, making it impossible to say any ending of the timelines is "more canonical" than the other. And this is the end that Variya is trying to force now that she believes Karma is no longer needed.
You know what I'm not done being deranged. Either Anathea and the Theolias are the descendants of MISSING.EXE, or Melia was created by MISSING.EXE, and MISSING.EXE is absolutely named Zed and probably looks a lot like Zetta.

• The New Game Plus Chessboard has Zetta labeled as the descendant of Zed. We've never heard this name before.
• Zetta doesn't HAVE human ancestors. So any humans he's descended from, or humanoids, have to come from Melia's side.
• Melia is explicitly Erin, Alice and Allen's sister. Even though she has some other freaky origin shit going on being 75 and everything, and her body rejecting the Archetype, we're told in no uncertain terms that Anathea is her mother. The weird thing is she says that she's Maria, that she knows she's Maria, and keeps feeling Maria's memories, but then later tells us she's not Maria like two minutes after.
• This means one of two things as far as I'm concerned - either Anathea's family is descended from Missing.EXE, who is Zed, or Melia's origin specifically comes from Zed and MISSING.EXE.
• As for why I'm identifying Zed as Missing.EXE - I mean come on. It's in the name.
• Zetta's name is very close to Zed. For that reason, and family resemblance alone and knowing it would make Impact when you see the resemblance in the game, I'm going with the assumption that Zed actually looks a lot like Zetta, which is a good way to have an impactful, shocking reveal, but also for it to be a character we've never met.

You know what I'm still not done. Rune was Madame X once. Fuck it let's go wild. Why does Madame X have such a weird, irrational attachement to former Axis High Students? Who could she be to have those wild attachements while also possessing a weird, mysterious amount of knowledge? Who else fits that bill? Of course it's impossible for current Rune to be Madame X, but then again, Rune was found in the Voidal Chasm where your history and past are eaten and everything goes weird about you, and everyone assumed she came from Miera directly from her past, instead of being in some freaky Timey Wimey situation - or it's a Rune from a past timeline, like I said in my other unhinged theory.
The Madame X armour carries her memories over to whoever becomes the new Madame X. Why not. Let's go apeshit.

• Indriad's goal is to find a way to resurrect the original Arceus and remove the worlds created by Karma.
• Ren kisses boys but he's not very good at it.
• Madame X's Yveltal is missing Indriad's Soul, which got separated from it and placed in Angie.
• Angie is also partly the result of attempting to turn a human into a servant like what Kanon is. Angie is to Anju... as Melia is to Maria.
• Melia is the result of attempting to do this to Maria and it ultimately failing.
• Madelis likes men.
• Erick secretly likes Brawl.
• I've got nothing for Lord Xenadin. He's Huey. Fuck it. Huey is a devolved aged down Lord Xenadin from the Voidal Chasm. What the fuck. Let's go.
• Valarie can't read.
• Aevium has not been accepted into the Poke-European Union.
• Anju is based.

Anyway I still can't compete with the person I remember seeing on rebornevo who said World Shatterer is Ame but I did my best.

I (20f) am struggling with my step mother… for 3 years I’ve been out of the house and states away and things have been great the past year or so for me. Recently I’ve been planning to go to a graduation of a cousin of mine and I have heard my parents will be attending and I wasn’t very nervous about it at first since I heard she was going to play nice. Until last night… my sister (14) got her phone confiscated and I guess her phone got looked through and she discovered everything we had talked about. She accuses me of teaching her to buy ‘toys’ In secret and for teaching her how to hide stuff and secrets, and she keeps calling her ‘her child’ and how I shouldn’t be telling her about my sex life or anything and how I shouldn’t be talking to her like that or I’ll ruin what’s left of her innocence that my brother took from her. The thing is, my sister is a teen basically, she knows what sex is, she comes to me to talk about it in a comfortable space, she comes to me with these discussions and as an older sister I do what I can to make her feel heard and have proper discussions instead of doing my hardest to keep her holed up in a controlled space where she can’t be able to talk and instead be put down or punished for her curiousity. I’d rather her come and ask me these things. But now I am fearful for the upcoming graduation and what may play out in front of my extended family.. she says to talk to her like a grown ass woman but also rubbed it in my face that my father chose her over his parents and implied he would chose her over me again any day, and sadly I know it’s true. She says she’s changed because she’s off meds but she’s acting exactly how I remember her acting. She gives me anxiety and for my life with her had me trained to be a yes man for her whims, and I’m scared if I snap or even try to defend myself she will find a way to twist it and turn it into a weapon against me like she used to before. Any advice for how to handle this would be great because we will be staying in cousins state for 3 days and it’s a decent amount of time for stuff to go crazy… we leave for it in roughly a week.