This is a headcanon of mine that only makes more sense to me the more I think about it but I wanted to run it by other lore scholars (hopefully with more knowledge than I)
I think the Emperor designed Vulkan and Angron to be his two most compassionate sons. Vulkan is Vulkan there isn't any explanation needed there, but Angron prior to the nails was actually a deeply caring and honorable individual, refusing to kill his comrades in the face of death, being deeply protective of those he called brother even after the nails, and even having empathic abilities that allowed him to soothe the anguish of his fellow gladiators. (before the nails killed that part of him)
If this is the case why is it that the Emperor praises Vulkan at every turn but seems to make no effort to help Angron at all? It is my belief that it is because Vulkan reminded him of Erda while Angron reminded him of himself.
In Vulkan he saw genuine humanity and compassion, something the emperor actually deeply values, and I believe it's something he valued in Erda hence why he never sought her out when she left (also because I think it would be nice if at least one primarch inherited something from their mom other than the necessary chromosome) and big E praises Vulkan for being genuinely human and humble, it's why the emperor had him craft the talisman of 7 hammers (aside from him being the only living loyalist with the know how to actually make it) because he knew the only way it's use (incinerating Terra should the emperor die on the throne) could actually be considered a good idea was if Vulkan agreed. If the nice primarch, the human primarch, the humble primarch, would agree that this horrific super weapon was acceptable than that's the only way to genuinely know it. More heartless and colder primarch's like Dorn or the Lion would look at it mathematically and pragmatically but would completely forget to even think of the ethics of it. Not Vulkan he wept upon hearing it's true function, it broke his heart to know the galaxy had been damned to such a point it might need this talisman, and the emperor knew that, and needed that emotion and empathy to the common people of Terra to aid his judgement. (Personally I think that if the Emperor heard Vulkan turned traitor he'd actually start thinking he's the bad guy because of how much he valued Vulkan's compassion and empathy)
But in Angron he saw the death of humanity, a being that was meant to be genuinely human and kind but had that part of them mutilated. Something that slowly happened to the Emperor himself he slowly lost his own humanity, becoming colder. And seeing that in his son caused him to subconsciously hate his son (for all of the Emperor's intellect he has a massive gap when in comes to emotional intelligence) it's why he didn't/couldn't fix Angron's brain in master of mankind. He saw in Angron the death of what would have made him human that happened in himself and because of that he didn't see Angron as worth saving. I believe that if he cared about Angron any more, even as a tool, he would have attempted something more that looking at his brain and giving up but because Angron acted as a mirror to all of the flaws of himself Big E didn't want to fix him. Even if it couldn't be done in that surgery I think he could have made more sophisticated and specialized tools to fix his son in a different surgery later. But all Big E saw was the dead humanity that was affecting himself, he saw a being that should have been compassionate, should have been empathic, should have been human but had all of that torn out by force, and in it he saw himself, the part of himself he hated the most. (And I my opinion him doing something like this makes him a much more interesting character) and this meant when Angron turned traitor it just affirmed to the Emperor he was right to hate Angron and therefore right to hate those parts of himself.
Tell me thoughts and corrections because I've been stewing on this for a while and want input

This is based off a post I saw somewhere else, and I thought it could make an interesting mental exercise where you'd have to think about what's the most important to you and how your goals would change based on the amount of time you had.
For the sake of this game, you'll know with 100% certainty that you'll be dead after your time allowance is up. There's no "but what if I only think I'll be dead in six months but then I'm not and I fucked up my entire life?" When your time is up, it's up. You'll be dead and won't have to live with the consequences of your actions.
So just for fun (and growth, maybe?) here's mine:
If I had 24 hours to live: Realistically, I'd know I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything of substance, so I'd just focus on pure pleasure. I'd go out and do something fun, maybe go to the nearby theme park in the city I haven't been to in a while or an expensive night club and wear my favorite outfit. I'd eat and drink whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. When I got back home I'd take something to keep me as calm as possible and call/text the people I care about who live far away to let them know I care about them. I'd spend my last hours in bed watching a comfort movie.
If I had a week: I'd go on a road trip with my entire family to somewhere I always wanted to go to, maybe LA or somewhere similar, and spend the rest of my days there. Probably my actions would be pretty similar to the above, I'd just have slightly more time to do bigger things and say goodbye to people in person.
If I had a month: I'd quit my job for sure (for the top two, idk if I'd even bother to formally quit, I'd just stop showing up) and again, probably act fairly similar to above. I might try going to another country like Italy or Japan to see what it was like and try their food, but I don't think I'd want to die there. I'd also try and maybe finish something creative before my death, even if it was just a short story or a few poems.
If I had six months: 100% quitting my job and putting all my energy into finishing my long term writing project and having fun. I'd use my savings and hire a cleaner to come in once a month to take care of boring everyday tasks so I have as few distractions as possible.
If I had a year: Same as above really, but I might also try and experience a brief romance before the end. Probably wouldn't be able to truly fall in love but hopefully I'd at least meet someone cool.
If I had five years: I wouldn't quit my job, but I also try and find something better and something that would be fairly undemanding. I wouldn't be making any big career or life plans, but I would try to write something and get it professionally published before I died. I'd want to leave having made my mark on the world in some significant way.
If I had ten years: I'd probably quit my job ASAP to go back to school, while trying to find a relationship and work on my creative projects when I had free time or after I was done. IMO ten years would be super hard for me because it's long enough to where I'd definitely want to build a life but short enough to where I'd really have to haul ass if I wanted to make that life come to fruition.
If I had twenty years: Honestly, I'd probably be doing exactly what I'm doing now just with even more anxiety lol.
So yeah, feel free to add yours!

My wife and I have gone through a bit a rough patch, but both of us are committed, honest, and are trying to rediscover the safety and security we had with one another when we fell in love. Finances, children, careers, life - has been stressful, so we’ve been doing therapy for about 2 years and have been communicating better than ever. There has been some ups and downs but we’ve been really honest with each other and are working through our issues. I’m thankful for that.
One of the issues is my insecurity and depression over us having a dead bedroom - but I’ve learned that her past and sexual history led to her not really having the same associations with sex that I do. I want our sex to be fun, playful, enjoyable, and loving. But to her, these are difficult concepts, because her relationship to sex began with trauma - followed by a ton of hookups in her 20’s as she was finding herself and living her life. I’ve learned, through therapy together - that she is really regretful of this time, and she has hangups over sex because of it. Again, we are working through this. We are a classic example of anxious (me) and avoiidant (her) attachment. She is finding ways to step out of her comfort zone and be more reassuring to me, and I’ve learned to not place all of the pressure on her to make me happy. I have to do that myself.
I have struggled a bit with retroactive jealousy, in that its hard for me to understand that she would so willingly have sex with other men, yet sex with me is so difficult. She thinks I want her to be a version of herself that has long vanished, and was young, confused, and lonely. But I don’t want that version of her. I just want both of us to feel safe. I want to connect with her on a higher level.
All of this is important context, I promise.
So her, as the avoidant attached person, needs my help to create spaces for her where she can be herself. Be social. Go out with her friends. She feels like so much of her is wrapped up in being a mom, wife, and having a career, that she needs this time to feel like herself, and connect with herself. So I’ve been really trying to help create these moments for her. And encourage her to do it.
So, here we are - she’s going to a concert next week. Great! With her best girlfriends. Great! A band she really loves. Great!
And I’ve found out she used to sleep with the lead singer.
Now, I know she wants a night out. I know she can just go enjoy herself. But my anxiety over this is spiking hard. I feel insecure comparing myself to him, his success, etc. I talked to her about how I was feeling, but made it clear that I wasn't judging her or holding her past against her. I don’t care that she slept with him (once, 15 years ago) but I do care that she is going to the show. Its not her past thats bothering me, its her choices in the present. I just can’t wrap my head around how to feel about this, and why she would want to go. She assured me that she is not trying to reconnect with him, isnt planning on reaching out to him - and would do nothing to jeopardize our life together. I want to believe her.
I have 2 choices - 1) try to work on the safety and security that we’ve worked hard to reclaim. Encourage her to have a good time, reinforce that I do trust her. And deal with my insecurities by myself. She explained to me that she’s not trying to re-live her past, that she’s had no contact with him since and isnt trying to again. She just wants to go to the show and fun night with her friends, enjoy the music, and that’s it. I can take her word for it and try to be the confident and reliable partner she wants me to be.
Or 2) I can ask her to not go, but I can’t deal with feeling like I’m being controlling or needy, both for her sake and mine. I don’t want to hold her back, but her going to this show and watching a (very successful, famous, and well known) musician do his thing.
I don’t want to undo any of the work we’ve done thus far. Because honestly, things have been really great for a couple months. We’ve been trending upward, feeling connected, and have started to be sexual with each other again. I don't want to have an argument over this and set us back. But I feel how I feel, and my jealousy around this whole thing is very real.
That’s it. Sorry for the wall of text. I’d appreciate any new perspectives or advice around this.

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Life [2017] (MA + Sony points)
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Mary Poppins [1964] (MA + 150 points)
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Maze Runner: The Death Cure [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
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Mother's Day [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Mountain Between Us, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mummy, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Murder On The Orient Express [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (iTunes/ports)
Neighbors [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Noah [2014] (Vudu)
Non-Stop [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Norm Of The North (Vudu or iTunes)
Now You See Me 2 (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Nut Job, The [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Oblivion [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ouija [2014] (MA)
Overlord [2018] (Vudu)
Oz: The Great & Powerful (MA + 100 points)
Paddington (Vudu)
Pain & Gain [2013] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 2 [Unrated Director's Cut] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 3 [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 4 [Unrated] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Passengers [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (MA or Google Play/ports)
Pet Sematary [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Philomena (Vudu)
Pitch Perfect (iTunes/ports 4K)
Playing With Fire (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Predator, The [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Project Almanac (iTunes)
Prometheus (MA or Google Play/ports, no iTunes option)
Proud Mary [2018] (MA)
Purge: Anarchy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Ralph Breaks The Internet (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Red Dawn [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Redemption [2013] (Vudu)
Replicas [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Riddick [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Rings [2017] (Vudu)
R.I.P.D. Rest In Peace Department (iTunes/ports 4K)
Rise Of The Guardians [2011] (MA)
Risen [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Robin Hood [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Rock Dog (iTunes)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Roman J. Israel, Esq [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Rush [2013] (MA)
Saban's Power Rangers (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Safe House [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Savages [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (iTunes/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA 4K or iTunes/ports 4K)
Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, The (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
Seventh Son [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Sex Tape [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Shack, The [2017] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Show Dogs [2018] (MA)
Silver Linings Playbook (Vudu or Google Play)
Sing [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sinister (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Sisters [2015] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Skyscraper [2018] (MA)
Sleepless [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man 2 [2004] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Homecoming [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Split [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or MA HD)
Spy [2015] [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Star Trek [2009] (iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Step Up All In [2014] (Vudu)
Step Up Revolution (Vudu or Google Play)
Straight Outta Compton [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Super 8 (Vudu)
Super Buddies (MA without points)
Taken 3 [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Terminator: Genisys (iTunes 4K)
The Night Before [2015] (MA + Sony points)
This Is The End [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Top Five [2014] (iTunes)
Top Gun (Vudu)
Total Recall [2012] [Theatrical & Director's Cut] (MA + Sony points)
Tower Heist [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell (MA)
True Blood season 4 (iTunes)
True Grit [2010] (Vudu or iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Acrimony (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (iTunes 4K)
Uncle Drew [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Underworld: Blood Wars (MA + Sony points)
Vendetta [2016] (Vudu)
Venom [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Walk Among The Tombstones, A (iTunes/ports)
Walking With Dinosaurs: The Movie (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
War Room [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Why Him? [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Wolf Of Wall Street, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woman In Black, The [2012] (MA)
Wonder [2017] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Wonder Park [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woodlawn [2015] (MA or iTunes/ports)
X-Men: Apocalypse (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
X-Men: Days Of Future Past (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Your Highness [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Zootopia (MA without points)

🦝

💲2 SD

127 Hours (iTunes/ports)
12 Rounds [2009] [Extreme Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Aliens In The Attic (iTunes/ports)
Amelia (iTunes/ports)
Beasts Of The Southern Wild (iTunes/ports)
Black Swan (iTunes/ports)
Date Night [Unrated Extended Edition] (iTunes/ports)
Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears A Who! (ITunes/ports)
In Time [2011] (iTunes/ports)
Jumper [2008] (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson double feature [Lightning Thief & Sea of Monsters] (MA)
Ramona & Beezus (iTunes/ports)
Street Kings (iTunes/ports)
Three Stooges: The Movie, The [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Unstoppable [2010] (iTunes/ports)

🦝

$1 Codes

💲1 HD

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (Vudu)
2 Guns (MA)
Alex Cross (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Bad Moms (iTunes/ports)
Battleship [2012] (MA)
Big Hero 6 (Google Play/ports)
Book Club (Vudu)
Bourne Legacy, The (MA)
Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Deadpool (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Divergent (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Divergent Series: Insurgent, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Duff, The [2015] (Vudu)
Dying Of The Light (Vudu)
Everest [2015] (MA)
Expendables 2, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Expendables 3, The [Theatrical] (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Fast & Furious [2009] (MA)
Fast & Furious 6, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (MA)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (MA)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA)
Fate Of The Furious, The [8] [Theatrical or Extended] (MA)
Fault In Our Stars, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Frozen: Sing Along Edition (MA without points)
Furious 7 [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ghost In The Shell [2017] (Vudu)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Vudu)
Girls Trip [2017] (MA)
Good Day To Die Hard, A [2012] [Extended] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hidden Figures [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hugo (Vudu)
Hunger Games, The [2012] (iTunes 4K)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (Vudu)
Huntsman: Winter's War, The [2016] [Extended] (MA)
Identity Thief [2013] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
I, Frankenstein (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Inside Out [2015] (Google Play/ports)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (Vudu)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain (Vudu)
Leprechaun: Origins (Vudu)
Les Misérables [2012] (MA)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (MA only/no iTunes option)
Lucy (MA)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Vudu) or both for $2.50
Now You See Me [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Parental Guidance [2012] (MA)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Pitch Perfect (MA)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (Vudu)
Red 2 (Vudu)
Ride Along 2 (MA)
RIPD Rest In Peace Department (MA)
Safe [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA)
Selma (iTunes)
Skyfall (Vudu or Google Play)
Snitch (iTunes 4K or Vudu/Google Play HD)
Star Trek: Beyond (Vudu)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (iTunes 4K)
Taken 2 (MA or Google Play/ports)
Ted [Unrated] (MA) or [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Terminator: Genisys (Vudu)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (iTunes 4K)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Vudu)
Trolls [2017] (MA)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Vudu or Google Play)
Unbroken [2014] (MA)
Warm Bodies (Vudu)
What To Expect When You're Expecting (iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu)
Zootopia (Google Play/ports)

🦝

💲1 SD

21 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)
Act Of Valor (iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Amazing Spider-Man 2, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Bad Boys For Life [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Big Mommas Like Father, Like Son (iTunes/ports)
Captain Phillips (MA + Sony points)
Charlie's Angels [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Concussion [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Dirty 30 (Vudu)
Dog's Way Home, A [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Evil Dead [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Family, The [2013] (iTunes)
Forbidden Kingdom, The (iTunes)
Glee: The Concert (iTunes/ports)
Goosebumps 2 [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Hangover, The [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Haywire (iTunes)
Heat, The [2013] (iTunes/ports SD)
Here Comes The Boom [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Hotel Transylvania 3 (MA + Sony points)
Hours [2013] (Vudu)
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (iTunes/ports)
Immortals [2011] (iTunes)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Last Key (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Red Door [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Interview, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Journey To Bethlehem [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Jumanji: The Next Level (MA + Sony points)
Knight & Day (iTunes/ports)
Looper (MA + Sony points)
Men In Black III [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Mirror Mirror [2012] (iTunes)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones (MA + Sony points)
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (iTunes/ports)
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Olympus Has Fallen (MA + Sony points)
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Overcomer [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Parker [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (iTunes/ports)
Perfect Guy, The [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (iTunes SD only)
Peter Rabbit [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Pixels [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Predators [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Public Enemies [2009] (iTunes/ports)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2010] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Safe Haven (iTunes)
Scoob [2020] (MA)
Shallows, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Sicario: Day Of The Soldado (MA + Sony points)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man: Far From Home [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Star, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Still Alice [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Taken [2009] [Extended Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Thousand Words, A [2012] (Vudu)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Tough Love (Vudu)
Underworld: Awakening (MA + Sony points)
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (MA + Sony points)
Vow, The [2012] (MA + Sony points)
When The Bough Breaks (MA + Sony points)
Zombieland: Double Tap (MA + Sony points)

🦝

Super Cheap SD & HD Codes

All movies are 3 for $1 each/must spend at least $1 on total order.
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu SD only)
Croods, The (iTunes/ports SD)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (iTunes/ports SD)
Expendables 2, The (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Expendables 3, The [Unrated] (iTunes HD only)
Fast & Furious 6 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Fast Five [Extended] (iTunes/ports HD)
Furious 7 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Hunger Games, The (Vudu SD or iTunes SD only)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (Vudu HD only)
John Wick 3 (Google Play HD only)
Jurassic World (MA ports HD)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports SD)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu SD only)
Now You See Me 2 (Vudu SD only)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (Vudu HD only)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Google Play/ports HD)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Vudu HD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Vudu SD only)

I (13M) feel like I should probably give some context before I start otherwise this post is just gonna sound weird. My parents divorced 4 years ago and they hate each other like in the whole 4 years they’ve barely spoke, they can’t really be in the same room without fighting. My dad also has a partner who he’s been with for 2 years. My mom and her like never speak because they also hate each other because my mom thinks that my dad cheated on her with his current partner idk if that’s true but I don’t really care.
Anyways yeah so my dad died just over a week ago so yeah that happened. I didn’t tell my mom because I didn’t really know what to say and like I didn’t know how she was gonna react. My dad’s partner didn’t tell her earlier because she probably assumed I already told her. She picked me up the day before the funeral because I was gonna stay over so It’ll be easier for me to get to the funeral. Anyways yeah so she came inside and like asked my mom how I was like dealing with all this or something like that and obviously my mom freaked out because she didn’t know that he died. She asked me what the fuck is wrong with me and we got into an argument. I tried to explain that I didn’t know how to tell her and like I didn’t want to upset. She told me that she wished I was never born and she said all that other generic parent stuff like being disappointed and whatever. I didn’t say anything until she started shit talking my dad I told her to shut the fuck up. As I was leaving she said some shit about me liking my dads gf more than her, which literally isn’t true I don’t really like dads gf but her partner has just died so I should probably be there for her. My mom also told me to stay at dads place since I hate her apparently.
It’s been 3 days since then and idk man like I probably should’ve told her but I just knew that she’d find a way to shit talk him and I don’t know man I just didn’t wanna deal with that but also it’s so annoying being with dads gf because she keeps talking about how it was such a tragedy and how he was so great and whatever. Like why do we have to talk about him so much can’t we just like move on now that funerals over and not think about him again. Anyways sorry for the long post I didn’t wanna miss out any info sorry if I did miss anything out though i’ve never done one of these before

My mom passed in 2007 when I was 9 years old and I occasionally have this dream where she comes home and I get so mad at her for pretending to be dead because I mourned her for so many years. She doesn’t apologize or anything like that. She just always has a reason for why she had to fake her death. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately and missing her as if she has just died. Is there any reason for this reoccurring dream?

For context, my toxic friend and I are both 15 years old. At the beginning of our friendship, she seemed pretty cool. I could tell she got comfortable quickly, but I didn't mind it since I also have attachment issues. However, I've started to notice her violent tendencies towards me both physically and verbally.
Firstly, she says a lot of slurs that she shouldn't be saying. I told her to stop saying them and she said that she didn't know that they were slurs. It was questionable since almost everyone knew what was a slur and what was not, but I didn't make a comment on it. She proceeded to say the slurs anyway and verbalized that she didn't care. Additionally, she seems to have no boundaries when she says certain things. For example, my relationship with my mother is something I keep private since it's a sensitive topic for me. Unbeknownst to my friend, she brought up my mom in a conversation one day. I told her I didn't want to talk about it, but she refused and persisted that I give her an explanation. I said no multiple times and she began to ask inappropriate questions like "is your mom a prostitute?" or "is she dead?" I'm not much of a cryer, but in this situation, I really was holding back tears.
Secondly, she has a short temper. This didn't bother me at first because I deal with short-tempered people daily, but with her, it escalates. A lot of the times when I say no to her, she strangles me from behind. Or if we're in gym, she deliberately throws basketballs at me. Obviously, it hurts like hell and once again I have to tell her to stop but she never listens. I've talked to my other friend about it (the three of us are a trio) and she agrees with me + stands up for me. I want to drop her, but I feel awful because she always apologizes to me for her actions and says she means no harm or is just joking around. Plus, we share mutual friends, so dropping her would leave an awkward gap and cause a lot of problems in the trio. I feel like my personality is also holding me back from doing what I need to do since I tend to be a forgivable person and brush things off, even when it's not worth forgiveness. Any advice on how to overcome being too nice? Also, how else should I approach this situation?

My mom gave me a car a while back, it belonged to my dead stepdad so meant a lot to me. I can’t drive so my bf took it since he could, but it was my car in the end.
He, although I didn’t want him to, sold it for a 20 y/o BMW. It’s even older by a couple months than us (F20 M20). He did it without my permission and I’m pissed at that. The only thing I had from my stepdad gone in a flash.
It’s been a while since and I feel like he puts more effort into this car he bought than our relationship. On the weekends, he works on it. When he comes home from work, he either sleeps or works on it. Just today, I told him “I know you’ll work on it until 9pm” and he told me it would be different. He worked on it until 9pm.
Most times we go out it’s to get car parts. His friend is a car fanatic too, so I know that if he is going out with him, it’s for car purposes. All he does with me is either play a game once a week for 2 hours or such, or watch a show HE wants to watch. I go along just to spend time with him.
I’m utterly pissed off at this car existing. He keeps doing things to it that make it absolutely unusable. He lowered it, for example, meaning that he can’t go over fucking speed bumps. I can’t even learn to drive in this car, so I’m personally fucked getting-a-license-wise.
I don’t want to leave him so I have to just fucking deal with it, but I have no idea how. I have no friends, I have no hobbies, and he is the only reason I wake up. I just sleep until he gets home, and knowing that when he gets home he chooses the car… it hurts.

10 years ago, my identical twin and only sibling put a gun into his mouth and pulled the trigger. We had a bond that I think only other identical twins would understand. It was like losing a part of me. I've never loved anyone like I loved him, and the pain and grief was so bad, and just going through the motions of the day and keeping it together was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Two days before he left, he called and left a voicemail. I'd listened to most of it that day, and it was about mundane stuff, so I figured I'd got the gist of it and hung up when I had listened to most of it. It was a few days after he left that I just wanted to hear his voice so I listened to the voicemail, but this time all the way through. At the end of it he said "Oh by the way, I only have two days to live. I love you and hope you'll call me". I never called because I didn't hear that part. If I did, I would have done any and everything I could to stop him. If there is anyone in the world who could have stopped him it was me. I wish so much I would have talked with him.
After he died, after the wake at my house when everybody except my mom had left, I let her have it. I mean really let her have it. I was drunk, and I told here it was all her fault. We were continually sexually abused from 5th to 7th grade from a neighbor that my parents had watch us after school and when they went on trips. He got us high and drunk before he did his thing, and I think that, and the shame around what happened led to us both struggling with addiction and that was a big part of the reason for his suicide. I said the most hateful awful things - it was her fault he was dead, she should have protected us, etc. She sat there silently taking it, and that made me say even worse things because I wasn't getting a reaction. started screaming for her to leave, but she said she wouldn't until we could talk it through. She was adamant that we talk more, but I was angry and very drunk, so I called the Sheriff and had them come escort her from my house. I never saw her again.
His death (and probably my words) hit her hard, so she moved into a RV and spent the next couple of years driving and camping around the country. Then one day, I got a call from the medical examiners office telling me that she had gone into a beach bathroom stall, poured gasoline on herself and lit it. She died in the worst possible and I feel that some of the reason why she chose to go that way was to show just how sorry she was and to burn off her perceived sins.
I still miss my brother so very much and still have good cries thinking about him / us, but I've come to see our time together as a gift, one that I wouldn't trade for anything. It only hurts so much because what we had was so good.
The thing with my mom, I still struggle with every time I think about her. I didnt mean so much of what I said - I was drunk and reeling from grief and pain. I feel like its largely my fault she did what she did. There is no way now to say I'm sorry. Its the biggest regret in my life and I can't change a thing. A friend recommended a medium, and I might even consider it. I tell her how sorry I am all the time (I talk to her out loud in case her spirit can hear), but I don't know if she can hear me.
I'm just writing here to get this off of my chest - I recently discovered this subreddit - I wish I would have known about it when I was in the depths of my grief. But if anyone else has similar circumstances of doing or saying awful things that they never had a chance to say sorry, I'd like to hear how you deal with that.

I (24F) have been in full no contact with both my parents for almost a year. It was a necessary decision for me after years of different forms of abuse. The last real conversation I had with my mother was years ago during our last family trip together before she tried to kill me and told me she wouldn’t stop until I was dead. My dad and I were able to maintain some kind of relationship for a while, with him over the pandemic apologizing for the abuse my mother had put me through and for not being around to protect me. He let me know he didn’t realize how bad it had been for me and that he understood me wanted to distance myself from her. However, being the conservative Christian he is, he told me in order to keep a relationship with the rest of my family I had to forgive her and be civil with her. I am the oldest of 5 and love my younger siblings very much. I spent years of my life raising them and shielding them from my parents horrible relationship and the abuse. (It’s important to note my mother has always hated me and been horrible to me, but she actually tries to be a mom for my siblings and they have a different relationship with her than I do.) For a couple years I was able to make it work, just ignoring my mother whenever she tried to make jabs at me. Finally, I graduated college and moved to work for a large company. Since then, I’ve been successful in work and personal life and have been very happy.
After not hearing from my parents for a few months, my dad called me and let me know they were going to be in a city near mine and wanted to see me. Excited at the chance to see my siblings, I went and the day went as normal as you can expect it to go with narcissistic parents. My boyfriend and I went home pleasantly surprised my mother had left me alone. The next day I received a call from my dad while I was wrapping Christmas presents and he immediately starting going off on me telling me the normal I’m fat and ugly and then went into saying years down the road I’m gonna wake up and be miserable and regret my life choices. He said if I wanted to be their daughter and be apart of the family I had to admit I had lied about all the abuse I’d endured and I had to stop victimizing myself. He said I’d been victimizing myself since the day I was born and had always lied to create sympathy for myself. He said my mother had never tried to kill me and that I’d made it all up in my head. He also said she had “on multiple occasions” apologized to him privately and he heard her say it so that should be good enough for me and those were his conditions to stay in the family. I told him I refused to do any of that and he said this would be the last time we ever talked and then hung up.
Something shifted in me during this conversation, even though it wasn’t nearly the first time his temper had been unfairly distributed. It was like the last straw had finally been pulled out of a very large haystack. I felt completely numb and so frustrated that all my efforts to have a relationship with my parents had come to nothing and there was nothing more to do. I simply felt no love or emotion towards them anymore. I was done. Over the next few weeks, I received numerous harassing texts from my father, videos about why therapy is a waste of time, how people in my generation are lazy, and texts asking if abandoning my loving father is the path I really want to go down. I even received 31 texts one day detailing a payment plan of how I needed to pay him back for raising me, with the last message reading he “demands the first payment today” I didn’t respond a single time. I let it happen until one day it finally stopped and I haven’t heard from him since.
Now for the current problem, one of my sisters has a tournament where I live in June. I haven’t seen my siblings in almost a year and would love to have them visit for a few days. When talking to my sister, she’s let me know that because of the no contact, my parents are not going to allow them to see me unless I will meet up with them and spend time with them. My siblings are begging me to reach out to them and see if there’s any way I can convince my parents to let them visit. While I would do anything for my siblings, I really don’t want to have to play my parents game to see them. Do I agree to meet up with my parents in order to see my siblings, or do I wait until my siblings are older and able to make their own choices?

I am tired.
No sense in making this one complex.
I feel an invisible yet very tangible fogginess overtaking me each day.
“It takes more muscles to frown than to smile.”
Who the heck did the research on that one?
I feel like I exert every muscle in my body just to not come off as dead.
But yet I can still feel myself wasting and rotting away.
Moving one foot in front of the other feels like a marathon.
Spacing out in front of a streaming service show just feels empty.
Singing feels short of breath and dry.
My fingers slide on my keyboard, sticky with sweat.
My eyes cross and burn from staring at paper drawings.
Words in books blur together in clumps.
Sleep interrupted by nightmares or spurts of random anxiety.
My stomach is bottomless but also spins like a rollercoaster.
I am so hungry.
Is it food I’m craving or just a way to fill this void inside of me?
Is it actual hunger or just a desire to distract from nothing?
I am stuck in a cycle of wanting to lose weight but being too weak willed to cook.
And I’m also too broke to afford decent, healthy food.
So I order takeout.
Burger grease and salted fries surge me with short bursts of energy.
Like the spark of a fire lacking kindling to keep it burning.
I usually make these poems deep.
I toss in a metaphor, a connection to nature,
A thesaurus worth of adjectives and a million different words to say the same thing.
I don’t even have the energy to do that.
The fact that you’re reading this right now at all is a small miracle.
I dunno how to end this.
I guess I’ll just say it again.
I’m tired.

1 hour later "Mom!! wake up, maddy is dead!" said the little boy as he yells in agony.

Hello, I’m currently stuck in a bit of a moral dilemma. Let me preface this by saying I’m not like this with everyone, only the person in question. I (27M) recently found out that my aunt (70ishF) is dying of cancer and has it written down that I am to be one of her pallbearers.
Here’s where the question comes, this aunt in particular has been nothing but a complete bitch to me for most of my life. She constantly gave me death/go to hell glares for as long as I can remember, constantly overshadowed my accomplishments with another one of my cousin’s accomplishments, would scream and yell at me when I was 10 because I was crying during a storm (that’s a whole other issues, let’s just say there was a tornado involved).
However one of the worst comes from when I was 6 it was the first time I had been left alone with her and my Grandmother, when my grandmother left the room to go feed her dog outside she walked over and grabbed me “Your Mom and Dad must be thrilled to have a break from your whiny ass, I want my mama I want my dad, they aren’t coming until Sunday now shut up. They would be a lot happier if your dead sibling was born and you were the miscarriage.” It was no secret to me that had happened, my parents were very open with me about it when i asked why I didn’t have a brother or sister. Now I never told them any of that happened because both my parents would have “taken care” of her on the spot, she knew my dad had a temper when it came to his son and i didn’t want that on my conscience because some people in my family would say it was just my imagination when she knows she said it.
Flash forward to present day, my mom tells me that she has put me down to be a pallbearer and I immediately refuse. She says I need to forgive and forget 20 years of mistreatment from her to which I told her I would do no such thing, maybe forgive but never forget. This whole thing between how I act when she’s brought up is driving a wedge between me and my mom. Saying if I don’t do this then she’s not going to the funeral and I can deal with the fallout from her side of my family which knows we are not and have never been on the best of terms.
Now here’s where I may be the asshole, my mom who is a wonderful mom constantly wants me to go with her every weekend over there to which I have said I do not want to spend every Saturday/Sunday over there when I have my own life and I would rather this aunt be as far away from it as possible. If she wants to go over there then she can go by herself. I truly hate making her upset but I have my own life and friends that I would much rather spend my weekends with.
TLDR: My Aunt who’s dying of cancer wants me to be a pallbearer in her funeral. I have reasons for not wanting to have any part with it due to past verbally and emotionally abusive experience with her for the past 20 years and it’s causing a wedge between me and my mother.
So AITA

Tissue
Polysemous title- Tissue • Tissue- paper + skin (human life is fragile [criticises arrogance, encourages us to protect]) • Also paper (not alive) + skin (alive)- criticises monotony of life, not really living • Tissue paper- found in bibles and holy texts, but fragile (overinflated importance of identity causing wars and discrimination, really it’s very fragile and identity isn’t real, we’re all just people (tissue as in skin)) • Tissue- used to wipe away tears, togetherness can reduce suffering • Tissue- medical term for deep skin- poem shows deeper nature of humans and our potential for goodness, can be wounded and damaged by outside influences but can always heal
"Paper that lets the light shine through, this is what could alter things" - reference to religious texts paper, light as Jesus and Allah (power of religion) - or coexistence with nature (Dharker is a Muslim Calvinist)
Enjambment- freedom, lack of control of humans, rejecting constraints
Free verse- same thing
"Let the daylight break through capitals and monoliths" - power of nature, criticism of authority, weakness of humans- “break” violent personification, destroying authority, daylight + break = sunrise + hope
"The sun shines through their borderlines" - nature overcomes human segregation identity, criticism of war, power of nature) sibilance shows power, “their” still shows separation, criticise that
"fly our lives like paper kites" - childish metaphor, mocking control of money over life (criticism of authority)
"the back of the Koran" - “the” repetition shows importance, “back” shows it is hidden/shunned by society, still holding onto identity
"Transparent" - repetition, criticism of dishonesty of authority
Exposure
"Merciless iced east winds that knive us" - personification of wind shanking people (first line not about war but nature- more significant) (power of nature)- subtle sibilance (just as dangerous as bullets but most people don’t realise)- Germans were in the east, but the only thing from there is wind
ABBAC rhyme, structure is built only to be taken down (tension of soldiers expecting fight but let down)
Pararhyme- unsatisfying for reader, reflects how the soldiers are always nervous but never get to chill
“What are we doing here?” Rhetorical question to criticise authority, or actual question to show PTSD confusion, can be asking what they are DOING or why they are HERE
"For love of God seems dying" ok 1. The soldier's love of God is dying 2. God's love for the soldiers is dying 3. To show love of God, you should die
"forgotten dreams" - juxtaposition, loss of hope, forgotten dreams on purpose to be less sad? war made them forget? “forgotten” disassociated from PTSD, “dreams” as happiness from the past that seems unreal
“a dull rumour of some other war" reference to the Bible and Armageddon, metaphorical end of the world for the soldiers be suffering "sudden successive flights of bullets streak the silence" - sibilance represents sound of bullets, jolting reader out of relative lack of noises, feel like soldiers
Epistrophe "but nothing happens" cyclical structure, stuck in suffering
“we” “us” “our” collective pronouns, shared experience, comradeship, loss of identity, relatable to all soldiers
Kamikaze
Title- single word, only military rank- only seen as a kamikaze pilot by others
Structure- 6 lines per stanza but free verse and lots of enjambment- conflict between control and freedom (military/social expectations/duty vs love for family/nature/memories/life)
Constant shifts between first person and third person- disconnect from family due to shame
“Her father embarked at sunrise” -sunrise as power of nature + Japan’s military flag- conflict
“a shaven head full of powerful incantations” -incantations are deliberately vague- orders from military? prayers? inner conscience against it? It’s “powerful” tho and influences him, and it’s “full” showing his distress, shaved head like most kamikaze pilots
“green-blue translucent sea” beautiful imagery, “translucent” shows how things are unclear but getting clearer- nature helps him decide what to do
Describes fishes “like a huge flag”- patriotic semantic field shows brainwashing, but reduces as the poem goes on, simile shows how he is starting to disconnect and change his mind,
also as “a figure of eight”- shows thoughts of pride and prosperity-
“The dark shoals of fishes/flashing silver as their bellies/swivelled towards the sun” - • sibilance shows ocean noises and beauty, “dark” -> “flashing silver” things get brighter and easier to see- knows what to do thanks to nature • “Silver”- medals he would have gotten for being a kamikaze pilot, but true reward is in nature • “Sun”- represents beauty of nature and also Japanese flag- conflict but now there’s also nature in the mix • Belly up- death on his mind
“bringing their father’s home safe/-yes, grandfather’s boat- safe” repetition of “safe” shows reason to come back- wants to return to family, memories
“a tuna, the dark prince, muscular, dangerous.” • first mention of danger = power in the whole poem, danger to the mission as it causes the pilot to have doubts, true power is in nature and memory • First full stop in the poem and lots of commas- makes us stop and think like the pilot about what he’s abt to do
“laughed” “loved” at the end of the poem- all in past tense- nothing left for the soldier
“we too learned to be silent”- “learned” should be positive but contrasts with what they learnt- criticises how they were taught shame by the older generations- but it’s said in first person, the daughter is criticising this and teaching her children not to think that way
Poppies
Title- honours and grieves dead soldiers, short single word title shows full intent of the poem and how the mother’s life is consumed by grief
Dramatic monologue- emphasis on the domestic impact and how the soldier isn’t present in the poem
Free verse, enjambment- chaotic, lack of control over the son, distressed
Domestic + military semantic fields- life has been ruined by war
“Spasms of paper red, disrupting a blockade of yellow bias”- mix between war + domestic • “spasms” and “red” is injury and pain- mother is worried or is hurt by letting go (spasms is involuntary muscle action- involuntary letting go), • “paper” is the fragility of the son • “blockade” is military language showing her worry abt the conflict, how she wants to “block” her son from going into the military • “disrupting” the fabric - the son becoming a soldier disrupts the peace or she is trying to disrupt him from going to war
“The dove pulled freely against the sky, / an ornamental stitch”- dove represents peace and grief- she and her son is at peace with death, “pulled freely” is an oxymoron- inner conflict with grief or letting her son go, the comma shows a pause to reflect on the grief, the “ornamental stitch” metaphor for the mother (pretends to hold it together)
“I was brave”- takes down ideas of just the soldier’s bravery but also the mother’s, but past tense shows current weakness from grief
“Sellotape bandaged around my hand” • Bandage shows wounds • Sticks them together one last time- cat hairs are removed, no more reason to stay • Claustrophobic feeling- stuck in the domestic role, can’t go and protect the son
“Blackthorns of your hair”- religious connotations of Jesus on the cross, sacrificed for the country- metaphor for the son
History Boys
"Enemy of education" war metaphor and alliteration, opposition between true understanding of literature and grades only used shallowly “Cheat’s Visa”
"a fact of life" indisputable and unchangable, in opposition with Irwin's views on history (truth does not matter to him until now?)
Drummer Hodge: Intertextuality, Tom Hardy (the poet) represents Hector, sympathising with the ordeal of the youth, Drummer Hodge represents the Boys, thrown into the chaos of life without proper guidance
"She's my western front" war metaphor objectifies Fiona, personal pronoun further expresses how women were seen as objects to be owned
“... all the other shrunken violets you people line up" [you people] segregates gay people, [shrunken violets] derogatory language
"Some of the literature says it will pass" looking to literature for solace and comfort during a sexuality crisis
"All literature is consolation" Dakin changes his mind on literature symbolising him changing to Irwin's side. No need to look for solace in literature when he can pursue Irwin
Parallels with "all knowledge is precious" from Hector - A.E. Housman, one of the first intertextualities and used in the intro to establish his character
“cunt-struck” “a cunt”- Mrs Lintott repeats the colloquialism “cunt” twice, to describe Dakin as “cunt-struck” and Headmaster as “a cunt”. This is the hardest swear in the play and is used show that it wasn’t a slip of the tongue, and to break down stereotypes of women being gentle and passive
“history is women following behind with the bucket” - her big scene about women in history at the end of the play (which is typical for Alan Benett’s plays such as “Kafka’s Dick”) so it would be recent and stay in the audience’s mind when the show ended
Irwin intro as politician in the future "etc., etc." while talking abt freedom- that man gives no fucks about freedom really, just waffling on (first impression for the audience too!!)
Parallel with Holocaust debate- Lockwood uses the SAME EXACT PHRASE while talking abt how the holocaust was bad, (dismissiveness of mass genocide? in this education system? it’s more likely than you think) then goes on to argue that they should be unique with their arguments- Irwin passed on thr mindset even on such an important subject
Hector is set up to be looking cool and all (motorcycle scene dramaticness, greek name connotations, fav teacher) but is absolutely uncool when we get to know him- purposeful? "studied eccentricity" and all. clinging onto youth?
Posner is actually rather helpful as the "dictionary person" bc i doubt the audiences know what "otiose" means
SCRIPPS IS THE MOST RELIGIOUS ONE AND CLOSEST TO POSNER it can dismantle the idea that religion is against queerness
Irwin didnt know how nietzche was pronounced bc from what we know of him he would call Dakin out on that

This is a follow up to https://www.reddit.com/movies/s/lTqQHe2lUx
My mom has memory issues and describes movies poorly. See if you can figure out these six movies by her description. Keep in mind sometimes she gets facts wrong. Answers in comments.

1. There was a blue guy and the girl had a weird haircut. All that shit.
   
2. The mom was really mean to her daughter.
   
3. The guy lost his hands in a car accident and they replaced them with scissors. (Hint: It’s not Edward Scissorhands. She was just confused. This description is very inaccurate.)
   
4. They were crying and I saw that coming that he would turn good and they had that stupid song.
   
5. It was a sequel. Like after that guy’s family was dead. Dead dead dead, everyone.
   
6. The little guy goes WAAAA.
   

My mom died too. I can’t tell one grief from another. I honestly can’t tell if I’m grieving my mom because I’m still grieving my husband. Every bit of progress I made feels like I’m back at zero. I thought I was past wanting to die myself but now I just want to go where my family went. My cats are 15 and 11 and I just know I’m going to lose them soon too. I went back to work, going numb and faking my life through 35 hours a week. I have only my cats I come home to. I keep the doors closed to half the house and live here as if it’s a one bedroom apartment. My mom’s room is still full of her stuff and I found her dead in my husband’s music room that still has a lot of his stuff. I have my long distance boyfriend and a couple family members and friends who are checking in on me but I’m so moody all the time it’s hard to get along with them. I’m pushing them away. All the grief counselors around here are Christian and I’m not going to sit for anyone else to pray over me. I’m pissed at god right now.

I have one cat and am about to move him to a new apartment. After the move, I have debated adding another cat to our family and would like advice.
​
Background: Last year I inherited a wonderful cat, Ginger, from my mother.
When I was a kid, we often had cats, mainly because my mother worked hours too long for dogs. When I went to college, I left the two cats who had been "mine" with my mother, and the summer before I left, we found another cat. As in one day my mother went out and there was this cat meowing at her. Ginger was always my mother's and I feel like he found her because he knew she needed someone when I left. The other two cats - one was very much mine, and the other - well, she wasn't anyone's. After college, I moved around too much to have pets, and frankly, my mother needed the cats more than I did.
Eventually both "my" cats died and my mother retired. It was just her and Ginger because she refused to get any more cats. She said she was just at a place in her life she didn't want more things to take care of.
I came home a couple years ago to take care of her when she got sick, and during that time, Ginger was better than Lassie. Like seriously. He would come wake me to get me when she needed help, he would be very protective when nurses or physical therapists came in that she didn't approve of, and he would always be with her.
When she came home from the hospital the last time, he barely acknowledged her, somehow knowing she was going to go soon, and so spent his time with me. In the past year, he has been my rock.
​
So now we get to the problem:
First of all, I am finally moving, and I'm worried about that because Ginger has lived in this apartment for 15 years. The change will be a shock to him, but for my own mental health, I need to leave my dead mother's apartment.
Secondly, my mother was retired and before that, he had siblings. I simply have not been able to give him all the attention he needs because I have to work. I do a lot of remote work, which helps, but I still can't give him my full attention.
So I had considered getting him a brother or sister when I move. Here are my pros and cons:
Pros:
- He is getting older and I am hoping a sibling would keep him "young" longer. He is at least 17 (vet said he was at least 2 when we got him in 2009).
- For days I do need to be out of the house, he would have company
- He has been playing less lately, and sleeping more, and I'm worried that this might be at least partially boredom and partially loneliness. The time he does play - a lot of it is spent in front of the window watching the birds. Also, when he sleeps, he often sleeps next to me while I work, making me think he might be lonely. He even wakes me up in the night sometimes wanting to play.
- I'm also selfishly worried about when he does pass. Again, he's at least 17, and he has been such a rock for not only helping Mom but helping me with her grief. I am worried about not being able to handle it when I lose him, and if I have already have had another cat for a few years at that point, I think it will help.
​
Cons:
- He depends on me so much for his comfort, I'm so very worried that he will be too jealous or hurt if I split what attention I can give him with another cat. I don't want him to feel in any way pushed aside.
- I also don't want to play favorites with another cat, and I can't not feel specially towards Ginger after the loss of my mother.
- With the upcoming move, I don't want him to have too many changes. No matter what I will wait until he is settled to decide, but I worry that if he adjusts okay to a new location, adding another cat might be a final straw.
- He has had siblings before, but not for a while. He has been the only cat for a long time. I worry how he would react to another cat, especially given his age.
​
Advice?????
​

Feel like i'm done with life almost
Cant take it anymore.
I've started living alone with the help of my dad so I can live away from my stepmother who verbally abused me. Don't have a mom since she also abused and manipulated me as a child. Feeling like i'm losing contact with my dad and brother since I feel so disconnected from day to day, like i'm trying like survivaly meet them 1 or 2 days a week, but can't rely on them cause they still can't comprehend me (and sometimes my dad is speechless or can give me anything sadly). I have diagnosed from a physchiatrist that I have an emotionally inestable personality disorder. Last monday when to my therapist from the same center and ended up being so frustrating since I wasn't able to speak that I want to kill myself again, but can't go hospitalized again since Its expensive + if I don't study I won't be able to have the economic finanzes given by studing. Unable to sleep properly, already on meds but feel like they take no effect in these moments of crisis. Lost all contact with my group, feel disconnected.
Excluded due to a rape situation that I had in the past too due to the abuser accusing me of doing it to him while myself was already with suicidal tendencies, very low selfsteem and on meds that night, unable to say no due to the strongness that my meds felt and was scared since I was blank while he touched me, justifing himself cause he was drunk. Everybody believed him and I had to changed carrera cause the things they told about me almost made me literraly kill myself by getting hitover by a car and varios self cuts with even non cutting made tools (like some piece of plastic and non sharpened scissors). Batltling a lawsuit against him since 2 years but the university counsil still takes too long, and also says that my case was "out of the limit" due to being moments after 2 years, which the rules from that part says that they can't take cases if evidence that happened is over the 2 year limit. Still battling for it but is tiring.
Don't know if I will be financilly stable since my body is not capable of doing this anymore. It is not guarantted yet if I will be able to get more financial support for my studies since dad only compromised to pay me an student room if I maintin studing (and need to so I can earn money after I graduated, I want to but now I feel worthless). Felt like a waste of money and sure my abusive pasts will agree. Also my stepmother told me several times that I am someone fucked in the head, and at other moments that people fucked in the head should kill themselfes or be killed. I want to report her to authorities but she still living (and still married) with my dad who Idk how he feels about this anymore. There are even hospital records from my pasts psychologist that she told me that I'm fucked in the head. Feel like i'm financially abused in someway due to that if I report her, my dad would feel like to cut of my 1 of 2 only financial support that I have, since I "escaped" from my old house due to her abuse. I've even been hospitalized 2 times last year due to problems with her by base.
Also trying to appeal financial support for months, since I'm scared I'll end up homeless with no money to support my university carrer anymore. I don't want to come back to that old household i'm very scared of her that I tremble and I'm speechlees if I see her again. Want to avoid her at any cost.
Also ended up with no friends since my household problems ended up affecting me with my group, ending up relying on them too much that now they are gone. I almost see or talk with just 1 but the distance is there for me. Like I just want to be burried and get a funeral since I don't want to be a waste anymore. Want but can't sleep cause if I sleep I sleep like 15 hours, which scares me. Going to the medic takes like 2 weeks if I don't get hospitalized, and I don't want to and can't afford it. Last time I got hospitalized I was sacred for life when I heard the shouts of pain from one of the patients who had dementia and made me really scared, remind me of my own screams too.
Idk, I'm even poor and dont 3vent have motivation to kill myself properly. I just cut myself my upper legs and thats all I can do since i'm scared that if they discover in my residency i'm suicidal, they'll exclude me like all the people in my life that I met told them, since even i'm being told from other people that i'm being manipulative when i'ts just me who is on the border of life and death. Even dreams are more lively than real life.
I feel even worthless that the only joy that I have is seeing art of my favorite character who is also dead but is alive to me. Sometimes i would like to be with him by his side. Even tried it with character.ai at one point but lost motivation too.
I can't help myself anymore. And idk why my therapist said that i'm not like this and always telling me that I have all this things ahead, when my complete present is a boiling water that burns and eats my braing like i feel like i'll be like a vegetable by getting eated and eated mentally i can handle it anymore. There are no even painless methods to die since i would like to just sleep forever, since its the place that I feel mostly joy, not even real life...

tl;dr Hey everyone, so for context me and my girlfriend live 2 hours away so I cant be there all the time so sometimes she hangs with her best friend that shes known since a child which is also her cousin. When she goes to the smoke shop she always tells me how the owner tries flirting with them and hes 30 and how it gives them discounts.
So last night she told me her cousin and her were going to go to the smoke shop and going to get something to eat and go back home which is normal. They then left the house at 9pm and arrived at the smoke shop then stopped at the casino instead of getting something to eat and got kicked out since her cousin is only 16. They then went back to the smoke shop parking lot which is in a small town that is dead at night time and proceeds to just sit in the parking lot until 10:30 (1 hour and a half). If she didnt want to get caught smoking with her friend I can understand that but her mom was away and they would have had the house all for themselves but decided to sit and do it in the parking lot. Then when i text her to see if shes alright she just leaves me on open which is think shes probably high and dont think too much on it. After they leave they go to 2 separate gas stations and just sit there for another 1 before going back home.
Today this morning instead of being being mad or upset i kindly asked her why was she in the parking lot for so long and she proceeded to tell me how her and her friend went back to the smoke shop to sit in the parking lot so they could smoke. And the blunt she bought she was having trouble so she was stuck there trying to roll it. Then at 10:30 once the smoke shop closes the owner who flirts with them drove past their car asking if everything was alright and started bragging about how much money he made off sports bets. Then my girlfriend told me she asked him if he could roll her blunt for her and she went to his car so he can do it and they all ended up smoking together for an hour. She then told me that before he left her friend the 16 year old gave her number to him and right after he left he started calling trying to hangout with them at the middle of the night.
Am i in the wrong for being upset that my girlfriend decided to wait in the parking lot of the smoke shop until it closes knowing that person likes her and then proceeded to ask him to roll her blunt and go to his car after he asked. Mind you they only know each other because she goes to the smoke shop nothing it lmao.