State trait anxiety questionnaire

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/JazzlikeOriginal358. They posted in AmItheAsshole
Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia
Mood Spoiler: moving in a positive direction
Original Post: March 22, 2024
I'm having a bit of family drama and need a reality check about if I am being unreasonable here. I really need the perspective of LGBT+ sensitive individuals because the drama surrounds transphobia perpetrated by JK Rowling.
My step daughter is going through a pretty tough time. The last couple years have been really rough on her. She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. (We have been working on getting her a good mental health team of doctors and therapists to help her navigate all of this, please know we aren't throwing her to the wolves or internet to deal with it all herself).
I've been in her life since she was 7. We've always had a pretty good, though not terribly close, relationship. I have not taken on a parental role, but have always tried to make myself available for her.
Until last year, her mom had primary custody and her dad had weekends with alternating holidays. Last year due to the issues with her school and mom's house, my stepdaughter requested that custody arrangements be changed.
Since she came to live with my husband and I full time, there has been quite a bit of friction between the two of us. One of the biggest points of contention is my Harry Potter fandom, particularly "The Bookcase", and my supposed transphobia (due to my apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country)
I grew up in the hayday. So many of my childhood and teen memories are tied to the franchise. My friends and I were all really into it. We attend midnight book releases, dressed up in costume for movie releases, threw HP themed parties when we wanted to hang out, etc. In many ways it shaped the course of my entire life, those same friends and I joined our high school's botany club because herbology. That unlocked a lifelong passion of mine and my career is working with plants.
Over the years I've collected quite a bit of memorabilia, many of which are gifts, and they have always been displayed on my most prized possession. A monstrously large custom bookcase my grandfather, a former woodworker, built for me when I was a teenager. I love this thing. The shelves are live edge black walnut slabs. All around the casing my grandpa carved beautiful HP themed imagery. Owls, cauldrons, shooting stars, lightning bolts, an adorable little rat at the bottom and nibble marks from said rat, etc. It's both sentimental and valuable (the slabs of walnut for the shelves alone would be pushing a grand, let alone attempting to value the hand carved craftmanship). The bookcase has always been proudly displayed in my home. It currently lives in our living room.
During one of our family therapy sessions, my stepdaughter expressed that seeing my HP shelf made her feel really uncomfortable because of the author and that she was really disappointed in me and her father for being so supportive of a biggot. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable in her own home, and said that I would take down the HP stuff.
So I packed up all the HP themed merch off the shelves. Made sure I didn't have the books or anything on display that said "Harry Potter" anywhere. I bought some LED grow lights and converted the bookcase into a plant shelf to display succulents. I bought some witchy, but not overtly harry potter, themed pots for the little guys so they'd go with the shelf.
This was not an acceptable compromise for my stepdaughter and has remained a point of contention. With my stepdaughter hurling that I/we (referring to my husband) broke a promise by saying we would get rid of the Harry Potter stuff. I tried to explain to my stepdaughter that, while I do not agree with JK Rowling's political stance at all, the media has a special place in my heart because of my childhood association with it and that the shelf was very important to me because it was a gift from my grandpa, but she maintains that none of that should matter because in 2024 it is nothing but a symbol of transphobia and hate.
At first my husband was supportive of me and my desire to keep my bookcase, but lately the arguments are wearing on him and he asked me if I would reconsider keeping it in the living room. Suggesting we rent a storage unit to house it in.
After the most recent blow up about it, I kinda lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything, but I did very firmly tell my stepdaughter that this is my home and my bookshelf stays. If it is such a big problem for her, she can always go back to live with her mother.
I knew it was a low blow pretty much as soon as I said it. I quickly apologized but it was out there. My stepdaughter has been on an emotional downward spiral.
My husband and I have been arguing almost nonstop. I think it is mostly stress because he is at his wits end with how to help his daughter but he is becoming pretty mean and nasty towards me. Telling me to "grow up and just get rid of the fucking bookcase"
I know I was a dick for saying my stepdaughter could always go back to live with her mom (and I suspect that will be the main topic at hand in our next family therapy session).
But am I really being unreasonable in wanting to keep my beloved bookcase?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Honestly. Thank you for those who shared their insight and advice and thank you to the people who have asked me hard questions that made me think. Especially those who asked what matters more, a bookcase or a/my child?
I've been reflecting really hard on what my bookcase means to me an why it is so important. I'm hitting some deep truths I don't think I was ready to recognize about how I really feel about my relationship with my step daughter.
All in all I think we just need to shelf things until our next therapy session. (I'll see myself out...)
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Can you temporarily put it in storage until she’s off to college, then take it back out? That way it will be safe, and everyone can take a deep breath and calm down a little.

OOP: I looked into storage units when my husband suggested it, for the size and climate/humidity control we would need it would cost us approximately $7,500 to store my shelf until she goes to college.
It's cost prohibitive.

Commenter: Why can't you just move the bookcase into the primary bedroom?

OOP: It's 7' x 4' x 1', made of solid wood, and we have a L shaped stair case.
The only way it is going upstairs is if it is completely dismantled and rebuilt. I don't have the skills, knowledge or tools to do that and hiring out a task like that is cost prohibitive especially because it would have to be done again when moving the bookcase back out.

Commenter: NTA. You need to put that bookcase in a room with locks, because your husband is going sell it or damage it.

OOP: My husband isn't an emotionally unstable monster. I don't believe he would ever do anything like that to me. I wouldn't have married him if he was that kind of person.
(to another commenter): I have absolutely zero concern about my husband doing anything to it. He isn't that kind of person. He is incredibly stressed out about all of this and has said shitty things in anger but this isn't some tv show where he and my stepdaughter are going to have daddy and daughter bonding time with a sledge hammer.

Commenter: I think he was just frustrated and worried about his daughter. Hopefully you can talk it out with him and he will apologize for the "grow up" comment.

OOP: That is my impression in regards to him too.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your child suffering and not being able to fix that pain.
I've been doing my best to give him grace due to the circumstances.
It is something we will address when he has the spoons to do so.

Commenter: One question: who owns or rents the house you are living in? If it is yours you can suggest that your husband move out and get a place of his own to his daughter liking

OOP: My husband and I purchased it together. We are both on the mortgage.

Commenter: Then time to figure out who stays, who goes, and how the equity...if any...is split.

OOP: I don't intend to divorce my husband and throw away a decade plus long relationship because he said one shitty thing to me during a period of great stress for him.

Commenter: If he destroys the bookcase to show solidarity with his daughter, what will you do?

OOP: Have him pink slipped.
That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.

Commenter: I wonder if she made similar unreasonable demands in her mother’s home or at school that lead you to the conflict there?

OOP: Part of the issues with her homelife with her mother involved my step daughter demanding that her mother choose between her now husband and her because mom's husband's political views.
So, this isn't exactly left field behavior.

Commenter: Your stepdaughter needs a massive reality check and probably different therapists.

OOP: oof. We are on our 5th

More on therapy:

Yes. She meets with a psychiatrist as well as her therapists.
(to a different commenter) We are in family counseling already. Couple's counseling is likely to happen if there isn't a resolution to this current bookcase issue in the very near future.

Commenter: Info needed: what is your ‘wrong stance’ when it comes to trans issues?

OOP: I'm kinda middle of the road when it comes to the trans political issues, and mostly take the stance of "I don't know, I have my own feelings about the issues but as it is not my area of expertise I am not beholden to them and I will leave these big problems up to the people who have made learning about them their focus of study"
Like, I get my feathers ruffled when medically uneducated politicians try to interfere with any kind of health care. Like seriously ruffled.
I believe that people facing gender identity issues should have free and easy access to health care and therapy to navigate those issues.
I believe that society in general should strive to use preferred pronouns if only as a matter of politeness.
But when it comes to things like trans people in sports or having afab only "safe spaces" - I see both sides of the argument and refer back to my "I think this should be left up to the people who focus on this and not form a super strong opinion either way based on my lay opinion"

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 12, 2024 (1.5 months later)
Some one asked if I could update this situation, and I'll try my best to summarize the past several weeks.
My husband and I spoke about the situation. He apologized for being snappish with me, and agreed that SD was being unreasonable about the bookcase. He ultimately agreed to back me about it. He and I are just as tight as we ever have been.
I once again apologized to my SD for the remark I said out of frustration about her moving back with her mom. I reiterated that our home is her home too and she is always welcome here. That even though families sometimes fight and disagree we ARE family.
But the general argument about HP, JK Rowling, and my bookcase continued to escalate for a couple weeks. And then the discontent about that started to bleed over into complaints about me. She started to be more disrespectful and sarcastic.
During all of this we were still attending our family therapy sessions. Our therapist was pretty certain that the misbehavior was anxiety related and didn't suggest that we give in to the demands to have the bookcase removed and wanted to just keep working on the things we all have been.
Well, SD's disrespectful attitude hit a climax. She called me the c word and some other choice things within my husband's ear shot. My husband honestly kinda lost it on her. I don't think I have EVER seen him that angry before. He was bright red and vein popping angry as he marched her to her room and declared "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A WAY".
This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
But that incident lead to us having a break through. Her counselor invited my husband and I into one of her sessions, and she had a bit of a break down. Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
That ended up being an excellent opening for us to bond. This is gonna sound silly but I was able to pull up my social media timelines back from 2016 and I showed her some of the things I had written or had shared with me back then.
She was able to see that I shared a lot of the same fears that she has.
So we have all had some really big talks about things like feeling helpless when things are out of your control, about disengaging from the media machine for your own mental health, etc.
Things have been on the upswing since then. Before she left for her mom's this past weekend she even gave me a mother's day gift. An adorable little planter that says Caution: Mandrakes.
I love it. I put one of my favorite props in it and it is front and center on the bookcase now.
Relevant Comments:
To a downvoted commenter:

your continued support of JK Rowling through fandom will likely be an issue for other LGBT people in your life

The only other LGBT person in my life sent me bertie botts every flavor beans in my christmas package this past year...
Commenter: This poor girl is terrified of being kicked out from another set of abusive parents and is forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead to make her stepparent happy. This update is horrifying, for real.

OOP: Hope you stretched before this reach.
SD was not kicked out of her mom's home. That was a choice she made. She is in no danger of being kicked out of our home either.

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Scroll down for the Character Questions and create a thoughtful and empathetic profile of your main characters for your projects!
As always please use these as sparks to create and feel free to post your responses and ideas in comments or separate post! This is YOUR subreddit so go ahead and post away!
Prompt: Imagine a dystopian world where an oppressive government has successfully erased all forms of personal identity and history. In this society, individuals are assigned generic roles and are forbidden from expressing their unique thoughts, emotions, or experiences. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who discovers a hidden underground community that encourages self-expression and reignites the importance of personal narratives.
In your response, consider the following:

1. Character and World Building:
   • Describe the protagonist's background, their assigned role, and their initial perception of the oppressive world they inhabit.
   • Develop the hidden underground community, including its purpose, structure, and the means through which it safeguards personal stories.
   • Create a contrast between the protagonist's initial world and the underground community, highlighting the impact of personal narratives on shaping identity and resisting oppression.
2. Plot Analysis:
   • Outline the protagonist's journey of discovery, including their initial skepticism, the influential encounters they have within the underground community, and the personal sacrifices they make to preserve their identity.
   • Explore the challenges and conflicts faced by the protagonist, both externally (e.g., encounters with government authorities) and internally (e.g., the struggle to confront their identity).
3. Deep Introspection:
   • Prompt the protagonist to reflect deeply on the uncomfortable subjects that the government's erasure of personal narratives seeks to suppress. These could include topics such as individuality, memory, trauma, and the power of storytelling as a tool for empathy and resistance.
   • Encourage the protagonist to evolve their thoughts and perceptions throughout the narrative, considering the consequences of silence and the potential for personal growth through self-expression and sharing.
4. Requirements for Responses:
   • Conduct research to explore real-world examples of societies that suppress personal narratives or attempt to erase collective memory.
5. Prompt: In a post-apocalyptic world, a devastating pandemic has wiped out most of humanity. The survivors are forced to live in isolated communities, each with its own set of strict rules and customs. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who questions the existing order and embarks on a journey to unite these fragmented communities. Consider the role of unity, diversity, and collaboration in rebuilding a shattered world.
6. Prompt: Set in a future where advanced AI technology has permeated every aspect of society, write a story or reflective essay following a protagonist who begins to question the boundaries between human and machine. Delve into the ethical implications of human-AI relationships, the erosion of human emotions, and the potential consequences of blurring the line between artificial and genuine experiences.
7. Prompt: Imagine a world where climate change and environmental degradation have irreversibly altered the planet. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of a character who is part of a group striving to restore balance and heal the damaged Earth. Explore the connections between personal responsibility, collective action, and the intersections of social and environmental justice.
8. Prompt: Transport yourself to a society where strict social hierarchies are based on a person's genetic makeup. Write a short story or reflective essay following a character who challenges this system and advocates for equality and inclusivity. Examine the role of genetic determinism, discrimination, and the power of individual agency in reshaping social structures.
9. Prompt: Imagine a world where art and creativity are considered illegal, seen as tools of subversion and chaos. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of an artist who risks everything to defy this oppressive regime and reclaim the power of artistic expression. Analyze the significance of art as a form of resistance, its ability to inspire change, and its impact on personal and societal transformation.

Remember to consider the following for each of the prompts to insure a well rounded and thought out premise that will engage the audience and allow room for growth in the plot.
Prompt 1 - Post-Apocalyptic Community Building:

• Consider the unique customs, rules, and societal structures of each isolated community.
• Explore the protagonist's motivation for questioning the existing order and their vision for uniting the communities.
• Analyze the challenges and conflicts faced in the journey of uniting fragmented communities and the potential benefits and drawbacks of unity.

Prompt 2 - Ethical Implications of AI Technology:

• Reflect on the protagonist's personal experiences and interactions with AI, including the blurring of boundaries between human and machine.
• Explore the ethical dilemmas and consequences of advancing AI technology.
• Analyze the impact of human emotions, genuine experiences, and the potential loss or transformation of human qualities in a society heavily influenced by AI.

Prompt 3 - Environmental Restoration and Social Justice:

• Consider the protagonist's role in the restoration of the damaged Earth and their motivations for taking action.
• Explore the intersections of social justice and the environment, including the disproportionate impacts of climate change on marginalized communities.
• Analyze the challenges of collective action, personal responsibility, and the potential for transformative change in healing the planet and addressing social inequalities.

Prompt 4 - Genetic Hierarchy and Social Change:

• Reflect on the protagonist's experience within the rigid social hierarchy based on genetics.
• Analyze the implications of genetic determinism and discrimination in shaping social structures.
• Explore the role of individual agency, activism, and the potential strategies for challenging and reshaping the genetic-based hierarchy.

Prompt 5 - Artistic Expression as Resistance:

• Consider the protagonist's personal experiences as an artist within an oppressive regime.
• Reflect on the significance of artistic expression as a form of resistance and its power to inspire change and challenge societal norms.
• Analyze the risks, sacrifices, and potential outcomes associated with defying an oppressive regime through art.

1. Chick Lit: Write a chick lit novel or short story following a relatable protagonist navigating the challenges of love, career, and self-discovery. Explore themes of friendship, personal growth, and finding balance in a fast-paced, modern world.
2. Young Readers' Adventure: Imagine a group of young friends who stumble upon a hidden portal to another realm. Write an adventure novel or short story as they embark on a quest to save a magical world from darkness. Delve into themes of friendship, bravery, and the power of imagination.
3. Historical Fiction: Set in a time of significant historical events, write a novel or short story highlighting a lesser-known figure or group of people. Research the historical context meticulously and emphasize the character's resilience, struggles, and contributions during that tumultuous period.
4. Fantasy: Create a fantastical world filled with mythical creatures, magic, and ancient prophecies. Write a novel or short story following a young protagonist who discovers their extraordinary abilities and must navigate a treacherous journey to fulfill their destiny. Explore themes of self-discovery, heroism, and the blurred lines between good and evil.
5. Mystery/Thriller: Write a gripping mystery or thriller novel following a seasoned detective or amateur sleuth investigating a perplexing crime. Develop complex characters, suspenseful plot twists, and an intricate web of clues and red herrings that keep readers guessing until the very end.
6. Science Fiction: Set in a future where technological advancements have transformed society, write a novel or short story exploring the ethical and societal implications of groundbreaking inventions. Examine themes such as artificial intelligence, genetic engineering, or virtual reality and their impact on humanity's future.
7. Romance: Craft a heartwarming romance novel or short story centered around two individuals from different backgrounds or opposing sides. Explore themes of love, forgiveness, and the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
8. Coming-of-Age: Write a coming-of-age novel or short story following a young protagonist's journey of self-discovery, identity formation, and navigating the complexities of adolescence. Explore themes of friendship, personal growth, and the challenges of transitioning into adulthood.
9. Psychological Thriller: Create a psychological thriller novel or short story that delves into the intricacies of the human mind. Focus on a protagonist who becomes entangled in a web of deception, manipulation, and paranoia. Explore themes of trust, perception, and the blurred lines between reality and illusion.
10. Family Drama: Write a novel or short story exploring the dynamics and complexities within a multi-generational family. Include themes of love, secrets, and conflicts that arise as family members navigate their relationships, face past traumas, and strive for reconciliation.

Considerations for each prompt:

• Genre-specific elements: Ensure your story incorporates the defining characteristics and tropes of the chosen genre, such as the tone, pacing, and narrative conventions.
• Character development: Develop dynamic and relatable characters who undergo significant growth or transformation throughout the story.
• Plot structure: Create a compelling plot that introduces conflict, builds tension, and resolves in a satisfying manner, adhering to the common structure of the chosen genre.
• Themes and messages: Select themes that resonate with the genre and explore them through the characters' experiences and narrative development.
• Reader engagement: Craft a story that captivates the intended audience, keeping them invested in the characters and eager to uncover what happens next.

1. Historical Romance: Write a one-page historical romance set in a lavish ballroom during the Victorian era. Focus on the forbidden love between a spirited debutante and a mysterious gentleman from a different social class.
2. Science Fiction Comedy: Craft a one-page comedic story set in a futuristic space station. Follow the misadventures of a clumsy maintenance technician who unwittingly saves the day against all odds.
3. Paranormal Mystery: Pen a one-page mystery story set in a haunted mansion. Introduce a skeptical paranormal investigator who must solve the mystery of a ghostly apparition that has been terrorizing the inhabitants.
4. Literary Fiction: Write a one-page literary fiction piece centered around a character's contemplation of the fleeting nature of life and the importance of cherishing the present moment.
5. Action Adventure: Craft a one-page action-packed adventure story set in the jungles of an unexplored island. Follow a daring archaeologist's quest for a hidden treasure while battling against treacherous obstacles and rival adventurers.
6. Psychological Drama: Create a one-page psychological drama following the internal struggles of a troubled artist as they grapple with their inner demons and seek redemption.
7. Magical Realism: Write a one-page magical realism story set in a sleepy coastal town. Explore the extraordinary occurrences that happen when an enigmatic mermaid washes ashore and disrupts the mundane lives of the townsfolk.
8. Thriller: Craft a one-page thriller story involving a race against time. Follow a determined protagonist as they try to decipher cryptic clues and prevent a citywide disaster.
9. Fantasy Adventure: Pen a one-page fantasy adventure story set in a whimsical realm. Follow a young hero's quest to retrieve a stolen artifact and restore balance to the land, encountering fantastical creatures and overcoming obstacles along the way.
10. Historical Fiction Mystery: Write a one-page historical fiction mystery set during the Roaring Twenties. Follow a quick-witted detective as they unravel a web of deceit and intrigue surrounding a glamorous underground speakeasy in the heart of the city.

Considerations for each prompt:

• Engaging Beginning: Choose a compelling starting point that grabs the reader's attention and hooks them into the story from the very first sentence.
• Concise Plot: Craft a tightly woven plot that can be fully developed within one page, with an introduction, rising action, climax, and resolution.
• Strong Characterization: Develop distinct and memorable characters, even within the limited space, by providing key details that bring them to life and make them relatable to the reader.
• Descriptive Language: Use vivid and sensory language to paint a clear picture of the setting, engage the reader's imagination, and create an immersive reading experience.
• Resolution or Twist: Provide a satisfying resolution to the story or introduce an unexpected twist that leaves the reader intrigued and wanting more.

Protagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact:
15. Education and professional background:
16. Relationship status and dynamics:
17. Quirks or peculiar habits:
18. Psychological disorders, if any:
19. Familial relationships and dynamics:
20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.):
21. Traumatic experiences and their effects:
22. Coping mechanisms:
23. Emotional vulnerabilities:
24. Resilience and determination:
25. Personal growth throughout the story:

Protagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the protagonist to take action and pursue their goals?
2. How does the protagonist's childhood shape their behaviors and choices?
3. What values does the protagonist hold dear, and how do they influence their decision-making process?
4. What inner conflicts does the protagonist face, and how do they attempt to reconcile them?
5. How does the protagonist's education and professional background contribute to their strengths and weaknesses?
6. What traumatic experiences has the protagonist overcome, and how have these experiences shaped their worldview?
7. How does the protagonist cope with stress or adversity?
8. What relationships and dynamics are most significant to the protagonist, and how do these relationships evolve throughout the story?
9. In what ways does the protagonist exhibit resilience and determination in the face of challenges?
10. How does the protagonist approach personal growth and self-improvement?
11. What psychological disorders, if any, does the protagonist struggle with, and how do these disorders impact their thoughts and actions?
12. How does the protagonist's physical appearance contribute to their self-perception and interactions with others?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the protagonist possess that make them stand out?
14. What are the protagonist's primary desires and aspirations?
15. How does the protagonist's internalized fear drive or hinder their actions?
16. How does the protagonist navigate and resolve external conflicts?
17. What coping mechanisms does the protagonist rely on during times of stress or emotional turmoil?
18. How do familial relationships and dynamics influence the protagonist's actions and decisions?
19. What significant life choices or dilemmas does the protagonist face throughout the story, and how do they respond?
20. In what ways does the protagonist's support system impact their growth and resilience?
21. How does the protagonist's personal development and self-discovery contribute to the overall narrative arc?
22. How does the protagonist's background and experiences shape their perception of the world?
23. What are the protagonist's core beliefs and values, and how do these impact their interactions with others?
24. How does the protagonist handle setbacks or failures, and what lessons do they learn from these experiences?
25. What external influences or societal pressures affect the protagonist's decision-making process?

Antagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact $ Go on

1. Education and professional background: 16. Relationship status and dynamics: 17. Quirks or peculiar habits: 18. Psychological disorders, if any: 19. Familial relationships and dynamics: 20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.): 21. Traumatic experiences and their effects: 22. Coping mechanisms: 23. Emotional vulnerabilities: 24. Strategies for achieving their goals: 25. Methods they employ to antagonize the protagonist:

Antagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the antagonist to oppose the protagonist and act as an obstacle in their journey?
2. How does the antagonist's background and upbringing contribute to their negative behaviors and motivations?
3. What core values and beliefs does the antagonist hold that align with their antagonistic actions?
4. What personal goals or desires does the antagonist seek to fulfill?
5. What is the biggest fear or insecurity that drives the antagonist's actions?
6. How does the antagonist's internal conflicts manifest and impact their decisions?
7. What external conflicts arise as a result of the antagonist's actions, and how do they handle these conflicts?
8. In what ways does the antagonist exhibit strength and power, and how do these traits affect their interactions with others?
9. What are the antagonist's weaknesses or vulnerabilities that can be exploited by the protagonist?
10. How have childhood experiences shaped the antagonist's worldview and motivations?
11. How does the antagonist's education and professional background contribute to their methods and strategies?
12. What familial relationships or dynamics influence the antagonist's actions and choices?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the antagonist possess that make them distinct or memorable?
14. Are there any psychological disorders or conditions that contribute to the antagonist's behavior?
15. How does the antagonist cope with stress or emotional turmoil?
16. What strategies or tactics does the antagonist employ to achieve their goals and antagonize the protagonist?
17. How do the antagonist's actions impact their relationships and interactions with other characters in the story?

18.How does the antagonist perceive and justify their actions, even if they are considered morally or ethically wrong?

1. What external influences or societal pressures contribute to the antagonist's motivations or actions?
   
2. How does the antagonist's physical appearance contribute to their demeanor and portrayal in the story?
   
3. What significant life choices or dilemmas has the antagonist faced, and how have these shaped their character?
   
4. What is the antagonist's reaction to setbacks or failures, and how do they adapt their strategies?
   
5. How does the antagonist's support system or lack thereof impact their actions and decisions?
   
6. What past traumatic experiences or events have influenced the antagonist's worldview and behaviors?
   
7. How does the antagonist's emotional state or emotional vulnerabilities influence their actions and interactions with others?
   

Tw: suicidal attempt
I'm 28F living with my father and younger brother (19M) as the sole breadwinner. I've been diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and currently in a hypomanic, depressive state. I have cripping anxiety. My work is remote so that enables me not to have to leave the house. I also have very low self-esteem especially when it comes to my appearance. I've always been close with my brother despite the age difference; we play video games together and he knows about my medical condition and my self-esteem issues.
That's why when he told me, after I showed him a picture of myself ( I honestly thought I looked good), that I look like an average Filipina you can find on the streets (I am Filipino), I thought I lost the ability to breath. I acted like I didn't hear it because it didn't feel like a compliment but when he repeated it with emphasis on "average" and "streets", I knew he wanted to hurt me. I told him "why did you say that?". I immediately knew he didn't mean for it to be a complimenf because there was mischief and guilt in his eyes. I told him it was really hurtful. "You know I already have low self-esteem. So why?" He knows I have tried to kill myself twice before and my depression and anxiety stems largely from my feelings of inadequacy. So why.
He just said, "it just came to mind." He apologized and I sent him away from my room. And now, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Like I'm at the edge of the cliff. Like I can't breath and I want to run away like a coward. After bawling my eyes out like a pathetic ninny that I am, I started looking into apartments I could move into because I don't know how to face him. I don't know how I can stomach living in this house, paying the bills, and hearing those words in my head. But I can't move out just yet because I haven't been able to save money.
In the back of my head, I know I'm just trying to run away but unsavory thoughts of ending everything.

Hi all,
My GRE Test is tomorrow, and while I believe I'm pretty ready with regards to verbal and quant, I don't know how I currently fare with my essays, and wanted to see what someone more experienced with the GRE would rate my essay. Attached below is the prompt, and the essay.
Greatly appreciate the help!
Conditions: Timed. Completed in 29m27s.
Time distribution:
Planning - 5min
Intro - 6min
Body - 4min each
Conclusion - 3.5min
Check - 3min
Prompt:
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Essay:
While we may often state that society is filled with varying cultures and idiosyncrasies, as the number of people we account for increases, these idiosyncrasies get lost in the hubbub of major cities as statistical noise, in favor for a set of united defining traits. It is hence apt to state that the most important characteristics of a society – the fundamental pith of what makes a society unique from other such groups - would be concentrated in major cities. To that end, I believe it is important to study major cities of a society to understand its most important characteristics, especially with their impacts in the fields of cultural shifts, technological development, and economics and manufacturing.
It can be said that major cities are in essence a hodge podge of the cultures of not only those native to such major cities, but also of outlying towns – migratory flows, for a pithier term. As such, it is important to take note of such migratory flows and how these affect the characteristics of a society – especially in the socio-psychological aspect of human interaction. The city of Madison, Wisconsin, for example, often accentuates the rather special mix of modern liberal values with conservative hospitality, and this is conferred to the metropolitan, major city of Chicago. In this respect, the effects of the city of Madison has had a pronounced effect on the characteristics of its surrounding cities, which in turn leads to ripple effects to society as more people migrate from such outlying cities onto more metropolitan areas.
However, we can certainly say that these effects can also be seen in the major cities as well. In fact, the concentration of cultural flows and the incidence of cultural Zeitgeists in major cities are often much more frequent, rapid, and integral to understanding society as a whole. Significant changes in lifestyle in major cities such as Seoul and Tokyo have strong ripple effects to the cultural mindset of young people even in cities outside of Tokyo and Seoul, and are hence significantly more reflective of society as a whole. For a more specific example, dating culture in Tokyo has recently worsened, with increasing ubiquity of egregious cases of compensated dating, and this has had ripple effects on young people dating less in say, Kanagawa Prefecture. In Seoul, an increased focus for feminism has resulted in a greater career thrust in young women throughout Korea. Changes we see in major cities often permeate into outlying cities, and are hence reflective of a society.
Additionally, advancements in science and technology are often developed in major cities, especially with the availability of infrastructure, the pool of talented people migrating to such major cities, and the general culture for science and technology. A local example of this would be California – the posthumous Silicon Valley – and Hsinchu, Taiwan – a semiconductor fabrication hub. These major cities pool talent and infrastructure, allowing for major developments in science and technology ranging from Lithium-ion battery and its applications in advanced consumer goods such as electric cars, to developments in Artificial Intelligence technology, to even the coveted membrane technology used for environmentally friendly separations and hyper-selective energy-conservative manufacturing. As major cities are often major science and technology hubs which significantly drive progress in society, it would be remiss to ignore the forest for the trees, and it would hence be important to redouble our efforts into better study major cities.
Finally, it is also important to recognize that major cities are often economic and manufacturing hubs. Cities like New York and New Jersey – with its long history of a robust financial district and historic manufacturing hubs alike – are often the backbone by which most of America runs. The stock market is an inextricable part of daily life in America – with the rapid corporatization of America, the stock market presents an opportunity for not only social mobility, but also business ventures one would normally not expect. New Jersey – as a major manufacturing hub – has many integral industries that it supports, ranging from the medical devices industry, to semiconductor metrology, and to even large volume manufacturing of general goods such as toilet paper, bamboo chopsticks, and metal and wood polishing. Noting the importance of such hubs and the societal implications of the fluctuations that affect such hubs, it would, once again, be putting the cart before the horse to focus on outlying cities with less of an impact on society as a whole.
In conclusion, while I understand that it is important to also study flows from outlying cities to understand the characteristics of a society as a whole, it is much more prudent to extract this information in its concentrated form, by examining major cities instead with a fine-toothed comb. With that in mind, I believe it is extremely integral that we study a society’s major cities to better understand what a society stands for.

3 years ago I met a man on tinder who I crushed on. We first met at target, went to the movies & then hung out at my friends place for a couple hours or so.
(I was out of state to hangout with a friend planning to stay for a couple weeks or so)
But yeah I invited him after the movies with my friends permission of course because I was so happy around him. He was cute, funny & kind. We hit it off really nicely.
He lived around 40-50 minutes away from my friends but still made the time to hangout with me frequently. But he was so sweet, always getting me Starbucks. Making me lunch from scratch. Really affectionate & complimentary.
When I went back to my actual home we missed each other a lot, face timed all the time.
I’m from Maine, my friend & him lived in Colorado. He was living with his brother at the time but they got in a fight where he was kicked out making him homeless.
I had pity for him & since I missed him + had enough money to go back I did. We hung out frequently, almost daily. But one day my friend had to travel to a different state to visit her close friend because she was having a lot of struggle in her life. & apparently that meant I had to leave her house? I didn’t have enough money yet to actually travel back to my hometown (I work remote so I was going to make money to eventually travel back).
She asked where I’d stay which obviously implies she doesn’t want me to stay at her house or maybe her partner didn’t.
Either way that meant I was homeless with my boyfriend (we eventually made it official after a 3-4 weeks).
At this point we’ve been dating for maybe 2 or 3 months and it was June. We found an apartment to rent & naturally moved in together. One of the most exciting times of my life. After settling we went to a gym together & he convinced me to get a membership together. We worked out now and then together which was fun!
One day on the weekend he told me he was gonna work out with a friend. I thought it was off he didn’t invite me so asked if he planned on just them hanging out or could I come? He told me he was planning just them but I could come. Which I thought was super fucking weird but told myself I’m maybe being paranoid.
Anyway, he was a great partner but as time progressed I started to pick up narcissistic tendencies.
He’d randomly say the most outta pocket things such as “ I feel bad for you that your parents don’t seem to care about you, they never call” to which I explained my parents know I call them frequently & don’t need to. But he would say this frequently almost like he wanted a rise outta me bc wtf that’s hurtful? And when I mention it being hurtful tell me I’m taking things the wrong way or being really sensitive which only got me more pissed which made him pissed.
Or back handed compliment as “you’re so lucky you get to sit all day for your job”.
He was also a bit controlling. He worked night shifts and if he called me to where I didn’t answer his first call he would scream at me such as “ why didn’t you answer??? You trying to ignore me?? That’s actually so rude and messed up. What are you doing?” He reeked insecurity.
And when I even mentioned visiting my family again he seemed upset at the idea of me going to visit them without him.
Anyway, this is a couple examples out of 100. I’m trying not to make this a novel.
Fast foward 3 months we were drinking a ton with the neighbors. We drank out in the back of our shared yard together. He asked me to charge his phone. He always asked me to do things for him like that which is fine whatever. But I thought to look thru his phone. Had a lucky guess with his passcode found out it was his PIN number lol.
Anyway, looked through his snap only to find that he cheated on me 2-4 times with his friend. The one he worked out with and he did during his night shifts. Broke my heart. I didn’t mention anything to him. The next day I told his sister that I’m moving back to my home town because of this while he was at work. She told him. He called me. Begging me not to go. Insisting he’ll go to therapy, he’ll talk to my parents, that he’s sorry. That it’s a dumb decision.
I asked him why to which he gave reasonings but he lied somewhat about the story. Cheating part didn’t hurt me, planning on not telling me hurt me. I caved in because his tears seemed to be real and he was in a state of severe depression for like a month. In any instance it’s hard for me not to have empathy for someone who’s sad. But I was too.
I found out he was subscribed to some of people too & watched porn!! Which honestly porn I wouldn’t care about if in the beginning of our relationship he didn’t tell me it was a deal breaker because it affected his dad horribly. And as for or paying to see someone nude in a relationship? Gross.
Fast foward a few months we’re still together but the relationship doesn’t feel the same as it used to. When we started dating he was the ONLY person I found attractive. But after finding out he did why should my eyes only be on him if he’s had eyes on others? Anyway I missed my family so much and friends. I couldn’t stand being with only him. I let him know that I need to visit my family, still he was scared of me being alone without him. So I told him well I’m either visiting them or you’re moving with me there. Couple months pass by he caved in on moving there with me. Which is obviously a huge decision to make leaving his good job and family. Surely he loves me and I convinced myself everything would be okay.
I don’t believe he’s ever cheated again. He’s grown so much mentally & emotionally even if he has bipolar.
Does a much better job at managing & discussing his emotions & thoughts. We’ve lived in Maine together for around 2 years. Which means it’s almost been 2 years 4 months since I found out he cheated on me at one point.
Every dang day I have anxiety about it. I just want to heal, man. I can’t stop thinking about missed opportunities of dates I could’ve had. People I didn’t give a chance to. And I can’t stop thinking what if he does it again when we’re 30? I wasted a decade of my life for nothing?
But thing is all his belongings are in my state. We’re not rich, moving is hard. He doesn’t want to ever let me go either. Plus I’ve grown attachment to his dogs which feel like mine at this point😭. One of his dogs comes to me every night as soon as I lay down just to cuddle me. Plus my partner provides so much for me financially and we have such a fun time being in each others presence. Not only does he work around 10-12 hours a day 5 days a week. He also usually cooks dinners for me as well.
I’m not asking for tips on how to leave. There’s no escape for me at this point. I’m depressed without him, I’m depressed with him. Some days are good but for the most part I live life in constant anxiety of being hurt again. I just want to know about others experience if they’ve dealt a similar situation. Does it get better?
I might’ve left some details out so if you have any questions just ask.

The diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is predicated upon the notion that those who suffer from it have aspects of their personalities which are problematic, self-defeating and dysfunctional so, in the first instance, it is useful to explain what is meant by personality.
In fact, there are several theories which attempt to describe what personality is rather than one, definitive theory and one of the best-known theories is called the five-factor model of personality.
The 5 factor model of personality proposes that personality comprises 5 main factors/traits/characteristics, represented by the acronym OCEAN.
These 5 factors are shown and elucidated upon below :
Openness To Experience (inventive/curious versus consistent / cautious). Conscientiousness (efficient/organized versus easy-going / careless). Extraversion (outgoing/energetic versus solitary/reserved). Agreeableness (friendly/compassionate versus challenging/detached). Stability/Neuroticism (sensitive/nervous versus secure/confident).
Because, as already stated, a diagnosis of BPD is based on the idea that aspects of the diagnosed person's personality are disturbed we would expect there to be some relationship between this model of personality and the personalities of those suffering from BPD.
In relation to this, researchers have posed the question: to what degree can a diagnosis of BPD be predicted from a description of a person's personality based upon the 5-factor model?
One study (Distel et al., 2009) that sought to answer this question, involving over 10,000 participants in total, found that, in terms of the 5-factor model, the traits that best predicted BPD were :
High Neuroticism combined with Low Conscientiousness
Another study (Kendler et al., 2011) came up with similar results, finding that the three factors which correlated most highly with BPD were :
High Neuroticism Low Conscientiousness Low Agreeableness
A third study (Terr, 1991) found that individuals who had suffered significant childhood trauma (extremely common among BPD sufferers) scored more highly than controls on :
Neuroticism Openness to new experience.
Research carried out by Gutierrez et al. (2000) suggested that seven fundamental aspects of personality that, when they become disturbed, dysfunctional and maladaptive (e.g. due to childhood trauma), make up the foundations on which personality disorders may develop. (though, of course, to be diagnosed with any one particular personality disorder not all seven aspects of personality need to be functionally impaired. However, which of the seven aspects are impaired, and in which combinations, will contribute to the determination of the particular personality disorder).
Antagonism Compulsivity Detachment Disinhibition Negative affect Psychoticism Submissiveness
The above is of particular interest as there is a growing feeling within certain sectors of the medical profession that, rather than labelling people with potentially stigmatizing labels (such as borderline personality disorder) it may be better from a patient's point for the therapist to describe his/her difficulties with reference to the above seven personality aspects. This also has the benefit of providing the patient with specific personality traits and behaviours that s/he may benefit from working on and giving him/her greater insight into the source of his/her difficulties.
Studies suggest there is a genetic component that contributes to an individual's chances of developing BPD during adulthood. This, in turn, suggests (but does not prove) that certain behavioural aspects/traits of BPD may well have been adaptive for our ancestors (i.e. helped them to cope with their environment, to survive, and, ultimately, therefore, to reproduce in certain situations). Let's look at examples of why this may have been the case.
EXAMPLE 1: SOCIAL AVOIDANCE:
One aspect of personality pathology can be social avoidance e.g socially avoidant personality disorder and BPD (during phases of withdrawal) This trait could have helped our ancestors survive if they lived in an environment in which there existed many dangerous strangers.
EXAMPLE 2: IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR:
Many individuals suffering from BPD are highly impulsive. If a person is impulsive, it means s/he tends to react very quickly to an array of stimuli. Thus, in environments in which danger could suddenly come out of nowhere (like being unexpectedly attacked by a predator), lighting fast reactions would help to increase the individual's chances of survival.
EXAMPLE 3: AGGRESSION
One main symptom of BPD is a propensity to fly into intense rages and become (usually verbally) aggressive. Again, for our ancestors, aggression helped them to survive and reproduce. Indeed, violence was necessary as there was no police force to protect people and food and resources could sometimes only be gained by the means of fighting. Even during the last century, anthropologists studied a tribe of very violent hunter-gatherers and found that those who had committed homicide lived longer and reproduced more than less violent members of the tribe.
It stands to reason that individuals who both inherit traits relevant to BPD AND grow up in a dysfunctional environment (constituting a ''double-whammy) are at especially increased risk of developing BPD compared to both those who inherit similar traits but experience a stable and loving childhood and those who do not inherit BPD-related traits but experience a traumatic and stressful childhood.
It follows, of course, that if a parent has BPD, the child is at significantly increased risk of developing BPD him/herself as s/he may both inherit predisposing personality traits and grow up in a harmful environment.

I'm getting my procedure on Thursday and I'm the type of person who likes to know exactly what is going to happen before it happens. It calms my anxiety. I've even gone to the extent of watching the procedure be done to understand it all. What I've learned about the procedure though is that it is widely up to your doctor to determine how to handle it. For example, my doctor is administering no anti-anxiety measures(valium, gas, etc). Some doctors prefer scalpel vs no scalpel, etc. I've come to terms with not knowing what'll happen until the day of, but now I'm concerned about the recovery.
I've talked to several people in my life who have gotten it before and the majority state that their recovery just included very minor pain for the first 24 hours or so and then they were back to 99% after that. Here on the subreddit though, I see people saying they're going into their second week and still too sore to do much walking.
What should I expect? Are the people IRL just understating their experiences or are the people on the subreddit being a bit dramatic? Or is this just another scenario where it varies wildly and you won't know h til you are in recovery?

Oklahoma City, OK – Mrs. Lauren Peck-Weisenfels, the drama teacher at Classen School of Advanced Studies at North East High School, has come under scrutiny for allegations of bullying and discriminatory behavior towards autistic and physically disabled students. The claims have ignited concerns about the treatment of vulnerable students in the school’s drama department.
A Troubled Past
Four years ago, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels was a teacher at Classen School of Advanced Studies Middle School. During a virtual class in 2020, she allegedly expressed disdain for teaching autistic and special education students, stating, "I hate teaching autistic & special Ed students!" This remark, reportedly overheard by the mothers of two seventh-grade students, prompted complaints to the school administration.
Despite these allegations, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels was later transferred to the high school, where she continued to teach drama. Concerns about her behavior persisted as students from her middle school classes advanced to high school and found themselves once again under her instruction.
Current Allegations
This school year, a sophomore student who had previously encountered Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels in middle school was placed in her class due to limited elective options. According to the student and their mother, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels continued to exhibit unkind and discriminatory behavior. The student, who is physically disabled, was allegedly ridiculed for their inability to keep up with costume-making tasks and was marginalized within the class.
In February 2024, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels emailed the student's mother, stating her intention to fail the student for wearing headphones in class, even though the student was not being disruptive. The email hinted that Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels felt slighted by the student’s lack of engagement, which the mother attributes to previous verbal and emotional abuse.
The Role of Headphones for Autistic Students
Headphones are a critical tool for many autistic individuals, particularly teenagers, to manage sensory overload. Studies show that about 87% of autistic individuals experience sensory sensitivities. Headphones can help mitigate overwhelming sounds, enabling students to focus better and participate in classroom activities more comfortably.
Despite this, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels reportedly expressed a desire to fail the student for wearing headphones in class. This attitude reflects a lack of understanding and accommodation for the needs of autistic students, who often use such tools to navigate their environment effectively.
May Incident and Unreported Bullying
In May 2024, tensions escalated further when Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels threatened to fail the student over a makeup project, despite the student attending their grandmother's funeral. This incident, while serious, was not formally reported at the time.
Additionally, another student, who uses a cane due to a physical disability, has been subjected to bullying by Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels and her entourage of students. The bullying has occurred behind the student's back and included mockery of their use of a cane and their social media activities, particularly on Tumblr. These actions were not reported until the evening of May 17, 2024, when the student with headphones informed their mother about the incidents.
The May 17 Incident
On May 17, 2024, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels and a group of students allegedly taunted the aforementioned student in her office, calling them "lazy," "deaf," "ditzy," "slow," "stupid," and "a hindrance to the drama department." Believing the student couldn’t hear due to their headphones, the group reportedly yelled the student's name mockingly. The student, however, overheard everything but chose not to engage.
The same day, Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels reportedly threw a tantrum, slamming items around the classroom in an attempt to provoke a reaction from the student, who continued to ignore her.
Perpetuating Ableism and Discriminatory Rhetoric
Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels’ behavior is not only harmful to the targeted students but also perpetuates ableist and discriminatory rhetoric among her student entourage. By encouraging and participating in the mockery of disabled students, she is teaching her followers to normalize and perpetuate these harmful attitudes. According to psychological studies, teenagers are highly impressionable, and the behavior modeled by authority figures can significantly influence their beliefs and actions.
The Psychology of Living Vicariously Through Teenagers
Research indicates that some adults feel the need to live vicariously through teenagers, seeking approval and acting like them to fulfill unmet emotional needs or relive their own youth. This behavior can be particularly detrimental when exhibited by educators, as it blurs the boundaries between professional and personal interactions. Statistics show that about 30% of adults who exhibit this behavior struggle with identity issues and seek validation through younger individuals.
For teenagers, witnessing an adult, especially an educator, behave in such a manner can lead to confusion, loss of respect for authority, and the normalization of inappropriate behavior. This can contribute to a culture of bullying and exclusion, as students may mimic the adult's actions to gain favor or avoid becoming targets themselves.
The normalization of such discriminatory behavior can have lasting effects, contributing to a culture of intolerance and bullying. Studies indicate that witnessing or participating in bullying can lead to increased aggression, anxiety, and a distorted sense of empathy among youths. It is crucial to address these issues to prevent the spread of abusive behaviors and to promote a supportive and inclusive environment.
Parental Actions and School Response
Following these events, the student with the headphones relayed the incidents to their mother after school on May 17. The mother promptly contacted Kendall Stills with OKCPS via text message, though no response was received. That evening, the mother filed a formal TIPS report with Oklahoma City Public Schools (OKCPS), detailing the history of bullying and including screenshots as evidence. She also contacted the parents of the student with the cane, encouraging them to email Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels and file a formal TIPS report. The mother included the names of the students in Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels' entourage and mentioned her own student in the report to help corroborate the incidents.
The parents involved are currently awaiting a response from OKCPS. Given that next week marks the last few days of the school year, it is uncertain when or if a resolution will be reached. The allegations against Mrs. Peck-Weisenfels highlight broader issues of inclusivity and respect for disabled students within the educational system.
Broader Implications
The situation at Classen School of Advanced Studies raises important questions about the responsibility of educators to create a supportive and nondiscriminatory environment for all students, particularly those with disabilities. As the community awaits the school district’s response, the case underscores the need for vigilance and advocacy to protect the rights and well-being of vulnerable students.

When I was younger I used to throw things a lot. When I was upset about the smallest things like not enjoying the end of a book, I'd throw the book across the room. Or if one of my siblings had something I wanted, I'd throw it away. My mother used to punish me for doing this by taking away my things. I remember once I threw my soft toy because it got an ink/pen stain on it, and my mum got very angry (she hates "disruption" and loud noises) and so she threw it across the room in the direction of the rubbish bin. I left my shoes on the doorstep a lot when I came into the house when I was like 5/6/7/8, and she'd always throw my shoes way into the garden so I had to go out and try to find them. When I was reading late at night, and she discovered it, she'd throw my book out the window and the next morning I'd have to collect it and explain to librarians that I had ruined the book (I don't know why I felt I had to lie for her constantly). I know realise, at 17 and unfortunately still living with her, that I got that from her. She still throws things, like a small child would, whenever she's upset by them. Even things that don't belong to her.
Another thing is my mothers sensitivity to loud noises. It's ironic because she used to scream in annoyance whenever her children made too much noise. If I wanted to listen to an audiobook, it had to be on headphones. If I was upset, and I screamed a bit (same as her), she'd put me in my room for hours. Now I'm extremely sensitive to noise, because in my head it feels like it's going to be followed by a punishment from my mother. Even at school, when it's loud, I get anxiety because there's an instinct that tells me it's terrible.
She to this day still tells me that "the world that does revolve around you"... I always reply in my head "that's right, it revolves around you, mum". I can't stand it. She calls me rude, but I know I got that from her. I'm not sure but I think she suffers from (undiagnosed) OCD and it makes her very particular about certain things. Not the stereotype, but more just about control. She needs to control everything, always has. And now I think I have very similar habits, that I got from her and her extreme reactions to losing control. It's resulted in me having anorexia, because I can't control things if she's the one controling things (and she is). I told her just an hour ago about the anorexia, something I've struggled with for about three years now. She told me it's something I "need to fight through" and that she won't pay extra for me to buy more muesli bars and simple snacks because she "refuses to indulge a fear that's just ridiculous". She then proceeded to continue researching online how to buy more security cameras for around the house, which again, is ironic.
I could go on forever listing things I've inhereted from her narcissism, but it'd be a whole book lol. No scrap that, a whole series, that would consist of at least 15 big books.
Living with my mum all my life and constantly being blamed for behaviours I learned from her has made me very worried I'm turning into her. It's made me more self-aware, but also has made me have all the same character traits as her. Does anyone else also feel that they were punished/shamed/blamed for things they learned directly from their nacissistic parent(s)?

I (21F) and my fiance (23M) who we'll call Zack have been together since the ages of 18 and 19. we got engaged a month and half after dating and are set to be married in October of this year. I'm a part manager while also attending school. He's unemployed at the moment. which would be fine to me but recent events have made me question if I should marry this man. a bit of backstory should be told first. we lived with my parents until my aunt was diagnosed with cancer in the brain. him and I and also my mom moved in with my aunt who also had my grandpa living there as well, to take care of her. after my aunts passing Zack and I stayed in the house with my grandpa since he's 90 and needs help with certain things. he also lets us live in the house rent free and wont let me pay for anything which i am very grateful for eveyryday, but sooner or later the house will be passed down to me and i cant pay for the house with my part time job and Zack not working if my grandpa passes within the next few years. Zack and my grandfather don't get along since they have really high egos. which I don't care, I get along with my grandpa fine and I do what I can for him when I'm not working. Zack doesnt realize how lucky he is that we dont have to pay rent or untilies or land tax, etc. His ego gets in the way alot. also Zack recently lost his job. he's been dealing with depression recently and I've done what I can to try and make his days better. I also have severe depression, anxiety and ADHD. so I'm trying to balance that as well. we also have a dog together who is like my son. recently Zack told me he doesn't think he can work anymore due to his mental state which I understand but we're both very young and just started our life together. that sent me down a loophole as he's also been losing jobs more then keeping him. I've thought about leaving him in the past but also said that relationships aren't perfect and stayed. I cook, clean, do laundry, clean his area as well as work and go to school. he rarely does anything. my sister who is my bestfriend is telling me that I deserve alot better which she is right. but I want him to just grow up. I see my life with him. I'm also scared of him taking my dog since that is my child. Zack has no where to go since he's cut off all ties with his family and I'm not that heartless to kick him out. this all over the place since my mind is is is shambles and this reddit is basically me ranting but I don't know what to do. my mind says leave him but my heart says stay. what should I do?

Sorry about format, as I'm on mobile. I'd get some snacks and a drink, cause this is gonna be a decent sized one. This is pretty much about my entire life. Also, I have mental health and sometimes add too many details to things. I kinda over share, so apologise if that happens. Me(F) my mom(F) sister(F)
My entire life, I have felt less than when it comes to my mom. It's pretty obvious my sister is the favorite child. Ever since she was born, I was put on a back burner. Then my brother was born, and it got even worse. (My brother is an amazing man, so I don't fault him for anything at all. He's pretty much my unofficial child. I will die for him.) When I was 3, my bio dad died. I did get checks every month for survivors checks, but when I turned 18, I never saw any of it. I understand that she needed it for me while I was a minor, but once I turned 18, it was supposed to actually go to me. I was still in my last year of high school, so it didn't stop til I graduated. If I would have gotten those checks, I would be way farther in life. My mom got with my siblings dad when I was around 4 or 5. That's where the abuse came in. She got pregnant with my sister, and pretty much made me the clown. My sister's dad was a Dr*g addict, and would go on binges, leaving me home alone to watch my siblings, while Mom was at work. I was 6 at this point. Granted, she did call the police and he got charged with 3 counts of child endangerment. (My brother was born at this point). Then, she stayed with him, even though he left us like that. When I was 9 was when I found out about my dad. She wasn't even going to tell me about him, but she had to, cause my grandma filed for grandparents rights. Mom didn't even tell me. Siblings dad is the one to sit me down. That's when my mental health started to really show. I was 9 and finding out the man that I called dad, wasn't actually my dad, and my real dad is never meet cause he's dead. My soul broke that day. Fast forward a few months and I get a puppy for my birthday. It pooped in the house, and G(siblings dad) was so irate, he left the puppy outside in the middle of the night, during the winter... He killed my dog. It was maybe 15° F that night. I woke up the next morning to mom telling me the dog ate paint off the wall ... She did, but the bite marks were there from a week prior. I was 9, not stupid. I saw through her lies. Fast forward again. They end up separating. He had gotten upset, then kidnapped my siblings taking them to a completely different state. He finally came back, and was in jail for 6 months. After he got out .. she got back with him. The final straw happened a few years later. When I was probably 8-10 can't remember exactly how old, I was having issues with my math homework. I have major dyslexia with numbers(can't remember the actual name) and math was my worst subject because of that. I was frustrated cause I just couldn't understand the math homework, so I crumpled the paper. (I was a kid. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did.) She got up, and started to hit me. She was smacking my arms, and had me pinned down to the couch. I turned my head and she hit my nose hard enough for it to gush blood. (Granted I could flick my nose and it'd bleed, but I digress). Then, I had "played" with a belt with her and G, and one of them(can't remember who) was hitting me with another one. I didn't understand at the time, but we was all smacking each other with belts, tryna hit the others the hardest. (My lord I just realized how bad that actually was.) I went to school the next day, and had a few welts on my arms. Went to the nurse for some ice, and got asked who did it. I explained what happened, and cps got called. I didn't know, but I got home and got screamed at by G. He was in my face, so close I could smell his breath and feel his spittle hitting my face. Then my mom said it wasn't them, but my sister who scratched me. (It wasn't a scratch. It was a welt clearly from a belt.) There's probably more, but my brain made me forget to protect my sanity. Fast forward, she is finally away from him. Then she gets with my now step dad. I was 12 at the time. He was an okay guy. He has 5 kids. Well, of course I was the built in babysitter. I am the oldest out of all 8 of us kids. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends as much as I should have been growing up, cause I was always the one to be the second parent to them. That's when my mental health started to get severe. I started self harming at 13. It would get so bad. Nothing of significance really happened between then til I was 16. (That I can remember. Thanks brain for protecting me.) I get into highschool. Freshman year. I'm finally able to start hanging out with friends more often. I end up having sex(I was coerced, wanted to wait til I was on bc, but I finally gave in. Shouldn't have, but it's whatever. I'm over it now.) Wasn't on birth control and didn't wear a condom. Had a scare I may have been pregnant. Mom finds out, gets a test and takes me to my grandma's to take it. She berates me in front of my grandparent and my aunt and cousins. Thankfully it was negative. Fast forward to when I was 16. Got my first job. Finally I'm old enough to make my own money. Well, I can't even spend my checks the way I wanted to. Majority of them went to her. I gave her prob 85 percent of my checks. I wanted to save for a car. Couldn't. (Not that it mattered. Didn't get my license til I was 23... I'm 27 now.) Kept getting my temps, only to never practice. Yet, when my sister is 18, she takes her out to drive and helps her get her license. But, whatever. Finally I graduate, and all I get is a gift card(I'm thankful of course. I'm not stingy, I just have envy from all the things my sister got, that I didn't.) Sister got a full blown party. Every single person I have been romantically with, she would put in my head that they aren't good enough. So much so, I thought I would never be with someone who genuinely loved me. (I have that now, so shout out to my amazing fiance.) I'm still cutting on a daily basis at this point. Cut from the ages of 12 to 20. I'd still be, if I wasn't with my fiance. (I was didn't sewer slide myself and actually did it right this time, anyway. Tried 5 times. Thankfully I failed each time.) I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression and ADHD. Not once did she take me to get health. She always dismissed me when I would try and talk to her about it, so I just kept to myself. It took my fiance's mom to take me and get me the help I needed. I barely graduated cause I just didn't care in 9th and 10th grade. I felt like I wasn't going to live past high school anyway, so why should I care? 11th grade comes up and working had actually given me motivation to keep going. (Plus I started smoking the devil's lettuce, so I was feeling better mentally.) Turn 18 and I move out. Ended up losing my job I had then, and go down a spiral. I got addicted to alcohol and pills for a couple of weeks. Not enough for withdrawals, but it was still bad. Thankfully I woke up one day and realized what I was doing. (I'll give her this, I called and she immediately came to get me so I could get out of that situation.) Fast forward more, I move out again, but just down the street. I'm now 19 and start dating my now fiance. We have been together 8 years and I barely talk to her anymore. Esp this past year. I don't really message her first anymore. I've gone 6 or more months without talking to her. Shoot, without talking to anyone in my family. Fiance's parents get me the mental health I needed. Get diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I've told Mom I have bipolar since I was 16 and she just dismissed me, saying it's my hormones. (Jokes on her) About 4 years in, she starts telling me I need to find someone else to be with. He isn't good enough for me. (Yeah, like the rest weren't. No one is good enough for her.) It gets to the point I had to tell her and my sister both to stop, or I was gonna cut them out of my life completely. (Should have, looking back, but we learn.) They stop for a while. Sister is now showing her true colors. She's a narcissist and gaslighter, just like her father. She cannot own up to her mistakes, what so ever. She gets into an accident, not her fault. She gets into a fight she started, not her fault. Can't hold down a job, not yet fault. (I've had trouble holding down a job as well, but I'm getting better. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and am in meds, so I'm not feeling impulsive as bad. Id switch jobs pretty frequently, due to the better sounding one. It's still affecting me to this day, but I'm seeing a change in my mind. Just gotta push through a bit more. Not blaming it on my ADHD, but the disease doesn't make it easier.) Mom has gotten sister a job with her at every single job she's had the past 4 years. Sister ruins it for mom, cause sister can't stand mom not paying attention to her, or doing everything for sister. Sister has bad anxiety, and uses it as an excuse to keep mom working. Sister wants all the pay of being a manager, without actually doing the manager duties. Sister always tells me I need to dress better. Says i "need to look more presentable and not like a slob". I wear skinny jeans and a Tshirt usually. Frequently, I'll wear sweats if I'm just going to moms and not going out. I like being comfy. Constantly criticizing me for every single thing I do. Finally mom says she realizes how bad she has treated me throughout my life. I forgave her a long time ago. Gets to the point mom says she wouldn't have anything to do with sister, if she wasn't her kid. Thought things were gonna change. Clearly not. Mom and sister both get another new job, the same job. Again. It's like nothing has changed since that conversation. Still barely talk to her, and everything. Last time I hung out with them, it was for only 3 hours. THREE HOURS. yet, I had anxiety and panic attacks from that small amount of time, for the next 3 days... I can't do this anymore, but I feel SO freaking guilty for even considering this. I love my mom and sister. I want them in my life, but I can't keep feeling like this. My mental health is always needing to be restarted after being around them. It's like I go back to that 12 year old me and want to self harm all over again. I'm now almost 10 years clean from it. There is no longer any scars, and I'm happier now. I just can't help but to feel I should just suck it up and "get over it". I know this is rediculously long, so if you've read this far, thank you. I just need some other people's perspective that isn't biased and I feel you guys are the best chance for that. I'm really struggling on what to do and feel so guilty for even typing this stuff out. My worst fear is disappointing her, yet I do every day. I also really hate confrontation. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid it, but I just can't anymore. I've always wondered how life would be if my dad was alive. I don't remember him, but I can still say I miss him. I miss the opportunities that I didn't get growing up.
Thank you guys. I'll take whatever you guys throw at me. I just want to see if my feelings are valid or not. This is literally causing me pain. I need help.

Hi all, I used to work for a mid size boutique consultancy as a Senior Consultant (now Consultant level) that got bought by a much bigger player and we got integrated into it a couple of months ago.I had been on one project for over 12 months which then dried up and it took me about 3 months to find another one in my area. I've just finished that challenging project. It has lasted for a couple of months but I'm going to start my 2nd week on the bench on Monday. I've always gotten positive feedback from the clients and AD-level (e.g. I documented about 15 pages of the feedback, the actions I took and outcomes I achieved over the last 24 months). I didn't have a chance to find any time and uncover new processes and expectations such as training, goal setting and creating my profile when on the most recent project. I was hoping to give myself some breathing space, decompress and think / work through these 3 topics for some time whilst networking and finding more about the new company. I'm also actively contributing to the development of 2 practices and supporting a potential opportunity that is non billable but has a potential if the client likes my approach within the area of my expertise. I'm also trying to meet other people / introduce myself but I'm obviously a newbie in the organisation and I haven't built any meaningful relationships anywhere outside my "old" company yet. This obviously puts me at a disadvantage.
Now, here's where the fun begins - all consultants got an email from the head of consulting in my region on Friday. The email contained information about the bench policy only. It basically states that a person will be "consulted by HR" after staying on the bench for longer than 60 days. This info has fu**** me up big time in the last 2 days as my skillset is niche and i know i will struggle to find a project within a 60-day timeframe. It's been causing me a lack of sleep and constant anxiety shaking since Friday. Do you think I'm screwed and should start looking outside (which i already did on Friday afternoon)? What next steps should i take?

I 29F have been with my husband 29M for 12 years. We have 3 children together all under the age of 11. I was a stay at home mom most of my kids lives while my husband worked and provided. When I did argue about being home with me or spending time with us, he would say things like who pays the bills? I work hard and I’m controlling, etc. I’m not perfect. I have anxiety, depression, and anger issues that I been going to therapy for a year. I been getting better and have been expressing my thoughts and feelings in a healthier way. The problem is my husband is a gamer. He goes to work at 6 and comes home between 2-5pm depending on when they finish and goes straight to his game. He doesn’t get off until we sleep or I go up to the room at 9-10pm. I been working for 3 years. I don’t make as much as him but I have been moving up. I wake up my kids, take them to school, and thank god for my dad he picks them up after school, cooks dinner for me and watches them until I get home. I ask my husband to spend some time with us on Thursday, since he’s been playing the past 4 days right after work. I ask him about this and he says yeah later. I’m already upset, stressed because not only do I clean this house and take care of kids I’m going back to school for my masters. So I’m trying to juggle kids just starting sports, picking them up and coming home to tend or take care my kids while I try to find time to do homework. My husband does barely cleaning. If he sees crumbs he’ll vacuum. He washes his own clothes. He says he communicates with us, but he plays game with his friends and communicates with them? If his family ask to spend time with them, he’ll want to go because he hardly sees them. He sees us and comes home to us everyday but he doesn’t even eat, talk or spend time with us. It’s frustrating. He makes it seem like I’m the problem being controlling or demanding him when I try to ask for something simple as quality time. I love my children and appreciate all the hard work he does. But I pulled my weight and got help just so I can provide, make money and work on myself. I don’t know what to do. It’s hard and I just sink into my depressed state while my boys ask me what’s wrong and I try to teach them and be there for them. Feeling like a shit mom and wife. I don’t have friends because I take my children with me. I don’t ask anyone if they can watch my kids unless it’s emergencies or if they ask to go I let them. I give money because I feel bad those are my kids and for them to have them I feel I need to give something just so I don’t owe anyone anything. (I have bad experiences with this in the past 11 years so I am a fricken broken ass person). If it’s my husband going he goes alone and I have to leave him alone. Because we end up arguing about what time he’s coming and that I don’t like him drinking (he can’t handle alcohol because of his behavior) I’m just like everything I did work wise, and at home sacrificing working or my career to stay home with my children because no one wanted to help me and this is what I deserve? And before anyone ask, I am so thankful I got to spend time with my children, to teach love and grow along with them. Hearing great things about them at school feels so rewarding. But saying I dont make as much, I didn’t pay for this or get that breaks me. What else do I need to do? Like I don’t deserve love, care or anything. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

So I submitted a few new claims last week (degenerative disc disease, worsening of arthritis in multiple areas, anxiety and depression. All of these claims are backed up by treatment from the VA. I received a call from the VA yesterday saying that my records show that I should file a PTSD claim associated with the anxiety and depression and the sent me a form to complete for the application. I am looking for advice on how to write up the explanation of the stressor. My record from the VA states I had been involved in mortar attacks but nothing direct. I was also on a lot of patrols, ECPs, and guard duty (towers) which I feel is the source of hyper vigilance. Just looking for some guidance on how to properly word this. Thanks guys.

Please don't interpret this as judgemental, as I'm long term out of work, due to Depression, anxiety and PTSD.
I worry every day for my future, from finances, possible homelessness or having to live in a HMO.
So I am curious

1. What are your work barriers? As in stopping you from working.
   
2. Where do you plan on your future going/what do you plan on your future being?
   
3. In your current state, what is your life going to turn out like?
   

And

1. For those who don't have their own home or a mortgages home or a possible future inherited home, where do you see you will be living/where do you currently live?

My sibling, we’ll call James, WAS borderline abusive throughout my childhood. It was always brushed of as brother things but whenever I bring up something he’s done people get an alarmed look on their face. He suffered from ADHD and anger issues and took it out on my sister and I. I’d say this took place from the time I was 8 to the time I was 13 or 14. (Trigger warning) He would do things such as take batteries out of the phone so we couldn’t contact anyone, pick us up by our hair, spray cleaning chemicals on us or in our eyes, push us down the stairs, hit us, etc. He’s the main reason I flinch to say the least. After he turned 17 things significantly changed, he would still yell at us but there was way less physical violence.
Now we’re both adults in our early twenties, he’s married and really working on himself. I still really care for him and I’m incredibly proud of what he’s accomplished. We live in different states and are LC for the most part but we see each other for holidays and family trips/gatherings.
I’m not sure he realizes the extent of the damage he’s done to my mental and physical health but he still does everything he can to improve our relationship. That all being said I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, this is where I think I may be the asshole, I have the hardest time being around him. It not only triggers flashbacks but my anxiety gets so bad I become physically ill, hurling for hours and freezing up. I have expressed this to my parents on several occasions and they say I am over reacting and I need to let go of my “stupid grudge”. Multiple therapists have told me I need to avoid PTSD triggers when possible but I still can’t help but feel like I’m in the wrong especially with what my parents have said. AITA for not trying harder to work things out?

I like to view ceremorphosis as a metaphor for the (full) transition from affectual to cognitive empathy. And I also like to believe the completion of this process is what is commonly referred to as "losing one's soul".
Affectual empathy would make you feel sad when someone is suffering. Cognitive empathy would first only make you recognize someone's suffering and then determine what the best response from you is in order to get what you want. This is not necessarily "evil", as what you want often enough is simply for the other person to (continue to) like you. But yes, it is also a trait heavily associated with autistic, as well as narcissistic and sociopathic behaviour.
So, essentially, by becoming a Mind Flayer you "eliminate" your shortcut reaction to anything you see or sense and put a rational evaluation process in between observation and your response action. To an extent, this is a very natural and needed process for all humans growing up, you wouldn't want adults to throw a tantrum every time they don't get what they want, like a toddler. But if you strip every emotional shortcut response from a human, what different are they from a machine.
In that sense, it doesn't actually matter if the Mind Flayer is still you, or a new entity with your memory as there isn't really a difference anymore. However, it's quite understandable that some people might call this state of mind some form of transcendence if their experience with their own shortcut responses was overall more detrimental to their life than it was beneficial.
So if anything, our stance on ceremorphosis is a self-evaluation of our own emotional response cycle. As a result we might tell ourselves that we would sacrifice our souls in the process. Or we'd be convinced that it isn't that bad, especially if we have a chance to retain some form of self because of magic. To which the correct answer probably is: Yes. It is whatever we want it to be.

I got the seven of wands, the two of cups and the Ace of Wands.
I think it's telling me to demonstrate strong character, so include strong character traits? Or include things that demonstrate my character like hobbies or something. I also think it might've been telling me to calm down because I'm anxious about getting accepted. Anyways!
I honestly don't know how to interpret the two of cups, aside from maybe including how I'm looking forward to working with my professor or being a part of the research team.
I think the Ace of Wands is telling me to just go for it and submit it. I've been working on it for a few days and the deadline is coming up. My anxiety has been the only thing stopping me so I think this card is telling me to have confidence, know I can do it, and go for my dreams. So yeah.
Any other interpretations?

I am 40 years old. Wife is 34. Married with 5 kids (ages 10-1). I have been saving pretty diligently my entire life and live a frugal lifestyle. We spend around $4,500 a month on living expenses such as our mortgage, car payments, utilities, food, etc. We save roughly $8,000 a month today after paying bills most of which goes into retirement or taxable brokerage accounts. The only debt we have is two new cars for a total of about $35,000 at 3-5% aprs and then our mortgage. House is valued at $600,000 and we owe $240,000 with a 2.75% 30 year mortgage.
My income: $130,000 Total household income: $240,000
Investments: Roth IRAs combined: $70,000 401ks combined: $200,000 Taxable brokerage accounts combined: $325,000 529s for kids combined: $60,000 Cash/EF: $30,000
Edit: Forgot to state all of the above is invested in general overall market index funds such as VTI or target date funds in the case of the 401ks.
My question is - if we were to both lose our jobs tomorrow and have to take new jobs at significantly less pay that results in us being unable to put another dollar into saving for retirement would we still be able to retire? I am very conservative with my calculations and using 6% expected return it looks like we'd have around $1,500,000 - $1,700,000 in 20-22 years if we never added any more money. From that we could safely take out around $60,000 a year.
Just looking for confirmation this is accurate and also any tips you have.
I am an oversaver and constantly live in a state of fear and anxiety that we will lose our jobs and be unable to find equivalent work.
Thanks for any help or advice.

help me i'm really stuck in a weird cycle of thoughts
hello everyone , this is my first time posting here i'm usually here just to read posts and occasionally interact. first i want to apologise if my english is bad its my 2nd language. secondly i want to introduce myself i'm a 22yo(M) medical student 1 more year to go so i can graduate. i have ocd and i deal with perfectionism a lot which in the early years it was benefitial for me it got to where i am i was always praised by my teachers and family but deep down i felt like i didnt do enough work to be having all this good feedback and that i needed to do more so i stayed on this mentality of doing everything perfectly to avoid judgement / failure and feelings of inferiority. moving forwards this mindset became toxic for me as i started med school [ which for context : its a journey where you get tons of informations in a short amount of time and you have to learn the best you can from it and the reality is that its impossible to be able to be perfect in it; yes thats what i think .. me the perfectionist... words easy to say but very hard to apply and internalise in my mind] it started giving me anxiety in the first years but i managed to keep holding on thru it without burning out which means i did the best work i can so i can shut down the voice of "you didnt do well" ... i worked hard in the first years i was so productive but this didnt stay like this over the years i started running out of energy and started losing interest and my perfectionism started to manifest as procrastinating my tasks because in my mind ; if u start it i won't be able to give my best in it ; i will feel bad for not understanding it from one take or i will forget it anyway or i won't be able to understand perfectly the whole chapter for exemple and i won't be able to be good in it and therefore i will be "mid" "judged" "inferior" comparing to my peers who i percieve as ppl who are productive and loving what they are doing and they are hard working and deserves the scores they get. and somehow with all of this i manage to buckle up in few weeks and work hard to get a score that will satisfy the inner perfectionist in me. BUT so to sum it up : its like this procrastination made my feelings of "you don't deserve those scores and this places" even worse cuz if i had it when i was ACTUALLY doing efforts and working hard ... then automatically i still have it ... but even worse than before when i'm a chronic procrastinator.
these thoughts didn't let me enjoy the med school experience i don't feel like i satisfied the "little kid me" who always dreamed abt it.
perfectionism is a hell of a personality trait it gives you what you need in early stages of your life but as you move forwards and you meet the real life it becomes your enemy and destroy your self-esteem.
as for now ; i'm in a freezing mode i have 4 weeks left to study for an exam and its been 3 weekq that ive been planning to start studying it but i couldnt cause of this problem i did well all year long but i burned out and i can't bring myself to do anything but i NEED to pass this exam and my brain won't stop criticising me abt how i wasted 3 weeks (again the perfectionism shit).
please if there's any medical student who relate to me. comment or dm me and tell me how do you cope what solution you found for yourself or at least lets have a conversation about this.
also my final exams are in 3 weeks and i have A HUGE AMPOUNT of lectures to study and i'm having so much anxiety because ik once i start studying i will get more anxious about not doing it effectively and start the loop again !!

I've seen this question asked before, but my particular situation is different than what I've seen asked here before. If there's a thread with the same situation with good answers, please direct me there. (Long post, beware.)
To preface, any of the positive things I'll say about here is not meant to be bragging. I don't think I'm some big tough guy, and I fucking suck at a lot of things. I've failed at a lot of things trying to figure out what I'm good at. (EDIT) People seem to be not believing me when I say this. Again, I don't think I'm some super cool ninja gun wizard guy. I think with proper training, I would be good at the job in the military. That's it. I don't have an ego, I just believe some people are better suited for things than others. Some people are good at working in an office, and that's for them. That's all I'm trying to say.
I am a 20 YO male living in the US. Moved from Texas to Oklahoma for a job I thought I wanted, and now hate. No degree. Love learning, hated school. I've debated enlisting since I was 16. I don't want to join to get a degree, travel, or for the pay. I would join to fight, to make military my career. I thrive under intense pressure, I'm competitive; fighting and winning is one of the only things I'd say I'm good at. I push myself to be better constantly, and I do my absolute best to be a team player and help others. Shooting, martial arts, and working out is what I love to do, what I'm good at, and I don't want to feel unfulfilled working a 9-5 doing something mundane when I could be doing something important with the traits I was given. All of that makes me want to join. But. The current state of the US scares me. The President, my big boss man to be, is a senile, frail old man. Whatever your political opinions, it is a fact that President Biden is not a strong leader. Being sent to fight and die for something you don't believe in is always a risk joining any military, but right now in particular I don't like my odds. From what I've heard from some active duty guys I've met, the leadership in the military is the weakest it's been in a long time, and my generation is the weakest we've had in a long time as well. I met a career para guy who was getting out because he didn't like the new guys. He didn't trust them enough to go on a combat deployment, so he left. I don't like any of that shit. The question in my mind is whether I should let the current climate affect my decision. The wise part of me thinks I should wait, but the part of me that wants to serve my country doing what I feel I'm good at, says otherwise.
Whether you're active duty, citizen, retired, former, whatever, I just want opinions and advice. I'm a young guy; I want to learn from the rest of you who know.
Thank you all for your input.