Dearest,
I want you to understand me fully, because I find it immensely difficult to communicate any of this unless it is all laid out as one mindset, for I fear being misconstrued as ill-intended when for me this is an exercise of truth and speaking that truth which I feel. It is an exercise of honesty, and one of humility as I lay bare before your conscious attention the fullness of my feeling.
I have loved and I have lost. A number of times now, in various ways. I have explored depths of despair, loneliness, grief, trauma, and other shadowy sides to myself and after entertaining death itself for years, I have emerged refreshed and cleansed. I choose life and all that this incarnation has in store for me while my lungs continue to take breath and my heart continues to beat.
My orientation to life has long been to clench and grip and grab and tightly hold on to illusions of control and security. To ensnare people with untenable relationship arrangements founded on a lack of self-acceptance and love. To entertain conditional and transactional experiences with other humans, for fear of being taken advantage of. These seeds I have allowed to take root have sprung up many times, as I have continued to water and enrich them with anxieties and fears. No longer. I choose to live and to love. I choose to cultivate a space of love that welcomes and accepts and validates and entertains without the need for gripping and containing those who enter it. And as the space expands the walls of my heart, the incalculable depths of loving potential arise to the surface and saturate my being. I choose to be love itself, incarnate as far as my current form will allow. I honor my limitations and find great serenity in accommodating and challenging them in due course.
One of my core powers is understanding the nature of limitation itself. Thus I recognize that in terms of my love, a limit does not exist that can ever long persist. My love is infinite. As I fall into the space of love, I too am infinite as a whole and no longer feel a need to leave this form, or end things, or to do anything especial to avoid suffering. I am just love itself, and that is enough to satisfy my mind and my heart and my soul. All that exists that may limit the outpouring of this love is the nature of my form, and that blessedly is ever changing—seemingly to the benefit of all, and will ever grow alongside the expansion of my heart.
This space is supremely difficult to remain in forever. But when I am with you dearest, I am always in that space. I am always in that space of love with you. Even right now. I am in love with you. Do you get what I am saying? I love you as a person, a human, a being in general. I adore so many aspects of you. But I am also IN the space of love WITH you. I am in love WITH you. I love you, but I am also in love with you.
I have no fear stating this. How could I be afraid of loving utterly she for whom I hold all desire? How could I fear you, dearest, when your embrace is pure comfort and pleasure? You are divinely saturated in feminine expression and attract every atom of my being like a super-magnet. In fact, you instead take all my fears away and alchemize them into precise and pristinely perfect inspiration for me to cheerfully ingest, effortlessly. You ARE my inspiration, my muse, my lady, my woman, and my lover in my mind and in my heart.
Your laugh is a fountain of music and your speech an enchantment for my ears. Your smile as you grin at me is so wonderfully and delightfully silly, mischievous, cheerful, hopeful, and full of desire all at once. I have never felt my capacity to love so challenged as by you, but neither have I ever recognized just how utterly willing I am and will ever be to fully explore that capacity with you.
The way your eyes sparkle with celestial radiance, and draw me down into their depths is a fantasy ride into the very dreamy undertones of my most private subconscious sensualities. And with a bright unserious laugher bubbling up in the blink of said eyes, you make me go to pieces with chagrin and humility in the best possible way. Often, your glance pierces with icy diamond sharpness, but gives way to pools of the most vibrant tropical paradise blue that are wells of the deepest wisdom; a spring from the mountains that begins a stream that will take a lifetime to meet the sea. I would swim in the depths of those pools forever, were I so fortunate as to be invited closer than the leaves of the trees on the edge of the forest. The Keen-Eyed I name you, for there exists no veil or shroud over me that your gaze cannot penetrate with swift and unyielding overtones of warmth and delight. No shadow can endure that light.
Your skin is taut; your muscles wrought—of strength, and powerful endurance. You make the lands vibrate with joy and excitement as the wind chases your feet as they dance through the world. When it is out, the sun glows dazzlingly, glittering with tiny rainbows of color as it plays across your aesthetic and athletic form, and all the wildflowers yearn in anticipation as you pass—hoping for the glory and chance of being picked and tucked behind your ear—to their greatest delight and honor. Framing the soft expanse of your brow, the tresses of your hair flash with a rare and glorious golden radiance that only the light of the stars glittering in the inky darkness of night could produce. Their glow traverses the infinite emptiness of space only to at long last become ensnared and woven into the soft strength of each strand, to radiate that light anew.
When I hug you, I realize that if I could, I would freeze time and spend an eternity just holding you in my arms, lovingly caressing your hair and back as your soft gentle weight presses into me, comforting me utterly with the honoring of the full humility of my stark humanity. Feeling your acceptance, and validation and encouraging enrichment through holding you makes me possessed by great sorrow, knowing I must let you go, but it also leaves me with a lasting serenity and pleasure, knowing that within the space of this long lifetime, I somehow have been so unbelievably fortunate as to have been graced by so loving of an embrace. Humans go entire lifetimes without ever experiencing such a wondrous experience, and I treasure it every time it occurs.
You will never owe me anything, nor suffer any binding at my hand, save those of your own choosing. I offer you infinite depths of connection and reassurance amidst the wide world, but I do not seek to contain or cage you. You have a path to walk just as I do, but I would have yours lead back to me each moment that it may. I would cherish and love you all the days of my life, and never would I intentionally overstep your boundaries nor subject you to violence. I would uphold your honor and work to emphasize your grace with my own stature and beauty and power. Such that is granted to me by the space of each moment, anyways. There is great potential for mutual growth and fulfillment between us over the length of a lifetime if we are willing to invest in developing a deeper intertwining of our bodies and our souls. I recognize many limits but no limit to the depths we might explore together. The universe is vast, but perfection abounds from the highest highs to the deepest depths, and as long as I have you nearby, I may envision it and establish it in turn, for the benefit of our family, should you choose to spend your time in my company in a home of our own.
And if your choice is to seek a path that follows a diversion from my own, I will accept it with graceful resignation, wishing you only the utmost happiness for all your days. I may strain to understand how any other might love you with greater ardor than my heart is aflame with, but the cosmos does not revolve around me, and I recognize that there persist many potential partners of greater consideration and so I willingly let go of any claim I might try to lay for your hand. Instead I offer only a blessing, that should the universe favor me at long last, that this letter will not fall astray and will arrive to a welcome reception in the halls of your heart. Should it not, I will sit with contentment, recognizing my own bravery and madness in sending it, and regretting not the choice to seek your fancy.
You are a treasure dearest, and I am a treasure seeker. I covet many gems and beautiful minerals and crystals that this wondrous planet has grown and shaped. But no crystal radiates as you do. No crystal has so beautiful of colors. Nor is as delightfully energizing as you are. I find no greater assurance in any rock or stone than I do holding your hands and being within the sphere of your aura. I have faith that I will become as strong or as harmonious or supportive as ever you might wish me to be, if only were the smile in your eyes to wake me from dreamspace each morning alongside the rays of the sun and so inspire me to greatness.
May this wishful boat of heartfelt intention and deep desire sail gently into the cavernous depths of your being beneath the mountainous wall of the outer bulwark of your defenses, and may it receive safe harborage in the twilight pools of dreams that glow like galaxies in the soft glimmer of crystal-laden caves that house your soul. May it meet there the doorway to your heart, and may it pass over the threshold, to begin anew the conjugation of the universe with itself through the vehicle of our mutual love.
For K,
Who never received it, having chosen another lover.

There's a lot of background context for this. I(18f) have a cousin(18f) who we'll call Aria. Aria is the most stuck up, annoying, bratty, vapid, girl you will ever meet and I HATE her. Everything has been handed to her on a silver platter and I'm so SICK of it.
I grew up in a cramped sh!tty apartment with a single mom whereas Aria grew up with 2 rich parents and THREE large AF houses. We live in the same town and we're the same age so I have to see her all the time. It's so annoying and I feel like I'm going to explode because NOBODY sees her for the troll she is. She's super popular at school and the family favorite. More than that she goes out of her way to ruin my life. My mom isn't rich so I've never been able to travel much but a few years back my aunt took pity on me and paid for me to come on their vacations. It was amazing, we flew first class and I stayed in a suite bigger than my apartment! After we got home I heard Aria complain to her mother about how I "was annoying" and "bullied her" and she made her mom promise to not invite me again! When I tattled to my grandparents about what she did they said I should've been grateful to my aunt and nicer to my cousin!
At school it's even worse. Everyone, the students and teachers, ADORE Aria, and treat me like I'm nothing. Aria does everything to make me look bad, when I tried out for the school play so did she and then SHE got the lead and I was cast as ensemble! She's always getting straight A's and this year she was even named Valedictorian. She's cheer captain, class president, she signs up for anything that makes even more clear that she's perfect and I'm a slack. And the one time I stood up to her I was suspended for being "ableist and homophobic" just because I was mean and she's autistic and lesbian. It's INFURIATING.
So when we got our college results back and I only got into one mediocre college, and she got into an IVY I snapped. My mom already told me tuition was too expensive so I'd have to go to community college and get another job and it's not fair! So I logged on to Aria's computer and sent an email to her top college choice declining the seat. When my family found out they were FURIOUS. My grandparents demanded my mother kick me out and they disowned me. I was angry at them but I couch surfed with my best friend in the meanwhile and I figured it was worth it because for once Aria had gotten her comeuppance. Yesterday however I found out Aria was taken off the waitlist for her dream school and committed!! I had never been filled with more rage. After everything I sacrificed and she STILL got her way?! Now my grandparents and mom won't take me back and I don't understand because it's not as if my plan even worked. I know it's because of Aria, she told them not to take me back as an act of revenge. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. AITAH?

Hi all,
A couple weeks ago I got reached out to by a recruiter from Pyramid Consulting with a job offer to be a Validation Technician at Intel, which isn't far off from what I used to do for work. I've been frantically searching for a job for the past few months so I immediately got into talks with this recruiter. They already had my resume and asked me to write a cover letter, which I did and submitted it to them. The following day they emailed me telling me that my resume has been shortlisted and they will send me information regarding an interview by next week. The following week I reached out to them for any updates regarding the interview. They told me that the long weekend put them delayed some things but I should be receiving the information soon. The following day I received an invite to a Microsoft Teams meeting for this coming Monday for an interview and a meeting this Friday (yesterday as of the time posting) for an interview strategy meeting. In the meeting I talked with a couple people from Pyramid Consulting and they gave me advice on what might be in the interview and I should leverage based on my resume and cover letter.
So far everything seemed reasonable and legit but when I did a bit of deeper research some things started not to add up. When I checked the Intel website, this job was not on their, and neither was it on LinkedIn or Indeed. When I googled the job title, I found an exact copy-paste for the job for a different company called Superbeo (which upon deeper inspection might be a vendor for Intel? I don't know if that information is relevant). After seeing this, I did decided to look into Pyramid Consulting to see if they are even real. Reviews from various sites about Pyramid Consulting are very mixed. Some people say they should not be trusted while others say they are legit. Looking at the meeting itself, the person who they said is supposed to be interviewing me from Intel (who is a real Intel employee as far as I can tell), isn't in the meeting. Although there is someone named Intel-PCI-Delivery from Pyramid Consulting in there so I'm not sure if they're connecting using that email. Finally, the last thing to set off some alarm bells within me occurred at the end of the strategy meeting. After discussing interview strats, they asked me to show a photo ID to confirm that I was the person that was supposed to be interviewed. I ended up showed them my drivers license without really thinking about it then continued to discuss some other things.
So now I'm stressed and confused. The supposive interview is on Monday and I have been practicing for it, but the possibility that this job offer is a scam is rattling my brain. I'm no stranger to job scams, but this one feels so well put together that I can't tell if it's a scam or legit.

https://www.northumbriangames.com/post/of-orcs-and-ai

Made vs. Created and the Nature of Orcs

J.R.R. Tolkien's stories are deeply rooted in Thomistic metaphysics and Christian theology, where the distinction between "made" and "created" is pivotal. This distinction underscores the nature of goodness, creation, corruption, and the intrinsic limitations of evil. The dichotomy between making and creating is most vividly illustrated through the origins and nature of orcs, the monstrous foot soldiers of Middle-earth's dark lords.

Creation: The Divine Act

In Tolkien's world, true creation, or creatio ex nihilo (creation from nothing), is the exclusive province of Eru Ilúvatar, the supreme deity. This act of creation involves bringing something into existence that possesses the Flame Imperishable (or the Secret Fire), which grants true life, free will, and inherent goodness. Beings created by Eru Ilúvatar, such as the Ainur (angelic beings), elves, and men, are imbued with this divine spark, making them fundamentally good and capable of independent existence and moral choice.
From The Silmarillion:

"Therefore Ilúvatar may not only send forth the Flame Imperishable into the Void, but he may also bestow it to others, who may then sub-create, though only as permitted by Ilúvatar"​​.

Making: The Act of Sub-creation

In contrast, the Valar and other beings can engage in making or sub-creation, which involves shaping or manipulating pre-existing matter. They cannot infuse these creations with the Flame Imperishable. A notable example is Aulë, one of the Valar, who crafted the Dwarves. Initially, these beings were mere automatons, moving only according to Aulë's thoughts. It was only when Eru Ilúvatar chose to bestow them with the Flame Imperishable that the Dwarves gained true life and independence. This story illustrates the fundamental difference between divine creation and sub-creation: the former grants true life and free will, while the latter lacks these essential qualities until blessed by Eru. Tolkien clarifies this distinction in his letters:

"They [the Valar] shared in [the World’s] 'making'—but only on the same terms as we 'make' a work of art or story. The realization of it, the gift to it of a created reality of the same grade as their own, was the act of the One God"​​.

Orcs: The Corruption of Creation

The origin of orcs in Tolkien’s mythos serves as a poignant example of the difference between making and creating. According to various writings, orcs were not created by Morgoth or Sauron but were made by corrupting pre-existing beings. In "The Silmarillion," it is suggested that orcs were originally elves who were captured, tortured, and perverted by Morgoth's malevolent influence. This corruption transformed them into beings of evil, stripped of their original grace and beauty. In Morgoth's Ring we find:

"It became clear in time that undoubted Men could under the domination of Morgoth or his agents in a few generations be reduced almost to the Orc-level of mind and habits; and then they would or could be made to mate with Orcs, producing new breeds, often larger and more cunning. There is no doubt that long afterwards, in the Third Age, Saruman rediscovered this, or learned of it in lore, and in his lust for mastery committed this, his wickedest deed: the interbreeding of Orcs and Men, producing both Men-orcs large and cunning, and Orc-men treacherous and vile."​​.

Tolkien emphasizes that orcs, though rational and capable of independent thought, lack the divine spark of the Flame Imperishable. This absence signifies that while Morgoth could mar and twist the creations of Eru, he could not create life himself. In Flame Imperishable, Tolkien is quoted as saying:

"Treebeard does not say that the Dark Lord 'created' Trolls and Orcs. He says he 'made' them in counterfeit of certain creatures pre-existing. There is, to me, a wide gulf between the two statements"​​.

Essence
Elves: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence is tied to beauty, longevity, and a deep connection to nature and creation.
Men: Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence includes mortality, adaptability, and a dynamic nature.
Orcs: Originally, corrupted elves or men, or made from slime and heat, the essence has been radically distorted and corrupted by evil. Their essence now reflects malevolence, subservience, and a perversion of their original nature.
Existence
Elves: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is fully realized with a true purpose aligned with their essence.
Men: Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is dynamic, capable of growth, and change, and is fully realized.
Orcs: Their existence is subjugated to the will of their corrupt masters (Morgoth or Sauron). While they have real, physical existence, it is dependent on the malevolent forces that control them.
Autonomy
Elves: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Men: High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.
Orcs: Almost entirely controlled by their evil masters, reflecting their corrupted essence and dependent existence.
Connection to Eru
Elves: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Men: Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.
Orcs: Not created by Eru but rather made by corrupting pre-existing beings or materials. They lack the Flame Imperishable, highlighting their dependent and perverted nature.
Philosophical Implication
Elves: Represent the ideal of Tolkien's metaphysical and theological views, embodying true creation and the perfect blend of essence and existence.
Men: Embody the dynamic and adaptable nature of true creation with a perfect blend of essence and existence, according to Aquinas's philosophy.
Orcs: Serve as an example of how essence and existence can be corrupted and diminished by evil. Their existence is real but heavily dependent and perverted, lacking true autonomy and the Flame Imperishable.

Philosophical and Theological Implications

The distinction between made and created has profound implications in Tolkien’s universe. It aligns with Christian theology, reflecting the belief in a singular, omnipotent Creator who alone can grant true life. This distinction underscores the inherent limitations of evil: it is parasitic, relying on the corruption of what is good rather than generating new existence.
Orcs epitomize this concept. They are beings made through corruption, reflecting the perversion of creation. Their existence as fundamentally corrupted creatures illustrates the limits of Morgoth’s and Sauron’s power. They can induce suffering and manipulate life, but they cannot originate a true life that burns with the Flame Imperishable. This underscores a central theme in Tolkien’s works: the resilience of good and the ultimate impotence of evil to truly create.

On Artificial Intelligence

This leads us to Artificial Intelligence. Modern large language models (LLMs) and artificial intelligence systems, despite their sophisticated capabilities, are constructs without true volition or understanding. Basically, an LLM is an advanced version of autocomplete. These systems operate on vast datasets and algorithms designed to predict and generate human-like text (or audio or images), but they lack genuine consciousness, intent, and moral agency. Unlike beings created with the divine spark in Tolkien's world, LLMs do not possess free will or intrinsic purpose; they are tools made by humans to process and mimic patterns. Some commentators have even referred to AI as an alien intelligence, a ~shoggoth with a human face~, meaning that while the text may look humanlike, in reality, it originated not from a human but from an unknowable, formless alien process, which is the LLM.

"Well, we're fooled by their fluency, right? We just assume that if a system is fluent in manipulating language, then it has all the characteristics of human intelligence. But that impression is false." --Yann Lecun​​ on the Lex Fridman podcast #416

The outputs of an LLM are determined not by experience, education, and emotion but by the data and programming they receive, reflecting the biases and limitations inherent in their design. This underscores the crucial distinction between artificial constructs and beings endowed with the Flame Imperishable, with true life and volition. Parents, for instance, should think carefully about giving a child unbridled access to an LLM which has no discernible ethics. The AI is a soulless, thoughtless machine built by human researchers, much like an orc is designed by Sauron simply to act as an instrument of his evil desires. The ethical and philosophical results of deploying such constructs into our society is staggering indeed.

The AI is only the Tool of the Maker

Of course, while the analogy between LLMs and Orcs highlights the artificial nature and purpose-driven creation of both, there are clear and fundamental differences in moral intent and potential for ethical use. LLMs are not (as far as we know) inherently evil constructs. They seem to be neutral tools that reflect the intentions of their creators and users. As such, the focus should be on ensuring that AI development and deployment are guided by ethical principles to maximize their benefits and minimize potential harm. That said, as with social media, we may come to regret the technology and wish to fling it back into Mordor's fire.

Conclusion

Tolkien's distinction between made and created is a metaphysical aspect of Middle Earth. It emphasizes the unique power of Eru Ilúvatar's true creation and the corruptive nature of evil. The orcs symbolize this dichotomy, illustrating how evil can distort but not create. This concept resonates in modern large language models and AI systems, which lack genuine consciousness and moral agency despite their advanced capabilities. Orcs and contemporary LLMs demonstrate the ethical implications of using such technologies and serve to enrich the philosophical depth of Tolkien's work.

1. There is overly attached girlfriend at dans house for the dang last time and sasha gets missing now and is in suite 403 and I unborn dan in suite 404 for no bad or good reason just that It is a Conspiracy Card which was played and I played Saint Disconnects Reward against dans Overly Attached Girlfriend and this makes his deepest fantasy true orgasming as a young baby around me violet a baby and dan literally ejaculates enough baby DNA as a baby inside me I have sasha in the Third Overworld from dan's Fourth Underworld, who dan the man and dancubed both were on liberty island way too long so I send dan the man to suite 403, daddy reason, and dan cubed is here with me and we are talking in the same accent and same dialect and this triggers his loam of dadcubed here in the shower with violet which this is the technical term and we go through battlefield one and MC2 and BF3 together until a APV where instead of being the pilot of the APV dan is evacuated by APV and he gets enough surgery to goto BF2042 and he is into a service 2042 and then serves so realistically and readially with his existing loam for a radial fracture or whatever he is home to me and we as going to a year old are taught by each other under mainly loam and some hind98 that we are fighter jet pilots and this doxxes my knowledge pegboard to me and it is not pegboard nerds and dan knows this from A-10 simulator I just need his pegboard to me in the shower of F16 Fighting Falcon D over the next 2 years which then we are children and we can no longer use the hind and this is later in the day from already using the hind and I have to multiple times go in as FSB to GTA IV and get him out and niko nates friend the true 1718 in and fuckin crash niko a lot and extract him and this should bear no particular trauma to dan as he is in the shower with me and Then Saint Disconnects Reward happens forever more he sees loam not has loam and this happens only to dan and me like it happened to city and me and I start teaching Dancubed who he demands a special letter in his name quote hyperbolic end quote drill oil plastic blueprint which this is all I need he needs this this is his temu item and he has actually the same PC as me an OMEN VI now forged by aliens famously and he is so hyper for christmas at age 9 and I wait there fucking him and stand for the first time with him now and fuck him 6 years until i am pregnant always signing always being dadcubed to him which he will need romanaj deprogramming now and owns all the baby dna inside his violet roze and he is the father of a baby who he teaches the baby in the suite 402 shower romanaj of the oil field which I taught him and she can see da wae now dan is literally hyperbolic and only has max so his oil field is the max field but he doesnt go there he just waits until his mommy is out of the shower at age 12 with 2 more babies and has redline medicine from cum spewing out her nostril on 29 battalion of marine and then dan has a child and the marines have two child and me and sasha engage all marines for 9 years I give redline medicine on these same 29 battalion including letting nasal sex like dan taught me to get them marijuana redlines and then me and sasha have squatters rights on the shower and sasha thought resisting with blues was funny so through the whole time she is a daddy funny she is given cervical dilation as Sasha Princess at the First Underworld which this makes her willing again like dan requested but they cannot be together for contraindication with dans christmas present, before violet rozes shooting by the police that brought her here, she had 14 oil, not 5 oil, and even a medicine chest oil, and computer oil, who dan can meet the always estudious father of dan netanyahu as benjamin netanyahu here, or if he greets him as a tactical officer and is not WWI then he can join the IDF with his violet here in the Second Underworld exiting him from the Third Underworld with violet replacing Jacob, who Jacob has a squad curse on him so has to operate in his own squad so was not wanted by hake as a battle buddy and Violet's Gynecologist Hake who is a child Gynecologist is ready to serve and Dancubed's Battle Buddy and then they wait 9 years in a mental hospital or until they decline marijuana until they are 29 and serve 29 guard operations as national guard in these 8 years and are in korea then for the time and are always in honor during the time then they are granted freedom in their own domicile with their own announcement to babies like clement puppy or others separate or together clement and puppy at age 29 and they had sold the shower then to blackwater for 700,000$ first underworld and then they stream which they have the same voice but not the same person that violet impersonates dan and they stream as the actual cubism of dan is that violet then overdubs dan not dan overdubs dan for his live stream and then 60 years or until they are well they live not 100 but 99 and had dementia as old people so are unborn in the shower and Dancubed leads the excercise this time and in the third case Dadcubed leads the excercise the fourth case as then Netanyahu is somehow in dishonor which seems impossible as a statesman and nationbuilder then I need Nationbuilding For Beginners in its text as a baby darappa by definition from dadcubed but this seems very difficult impossible this is then I will do nationbuilding and form a nation then beyond israel, i already did israel and we are then got do this 1,400,000 two times or as a statesman I will be thrown from the shower when I am ready by netanyahu and he will have the squatters rights regardless which is a naughty motive to him then and the 1,400,000$ goes to the mother of the mommy Violet Roze Marian in the overworld Leslie Marian for payment.

Throwaway account for what will be obvious reasons, and apologies, but this is longer than intended.
I (38F) have recently decided to dip my toes back in to the flaming cesspool that is dating in this modern age. I joined an app, matched with a few guys, talked with a few less, and had a dinner date last night with F (40M) who I felt like I was vibing with via text.
F and I had agreed to meet last night at a nice but not stupidly-expensive steakhouse in a popular upscale district downtown. I had originally planned on driving my Jeep, but it has been at the shop for maintenance and they still hadn't finished by COB Friday. I live too far out of town for Uber to be reliable, so I decided to have fun and drive my new car that was just delivered this week. I got to the restaurant 45 minutes early, valet-parked (I would have done this with the Jeep too, parking in this district is a complete nightmare), and walked down the block to a stationary/book binding boutique I love to pick up a few things. When I walked back to the restaurant to meet F I was a little surprised to see my car was still parked out front of the restaurant in one of the reserved spots instead of being moved back to the designated lot. I asked and found out that the valet company policy was for any car over a certain value threshold be left in the reserved spots out front both to keep an eye on them, and so that the company wouldn't have the liability of a valet potentially damaging them driving. That made perfect sense to me, so I didn't ask them to move it to the back.
F met me at the host stand and after about five minutes got seated at our table. Hilariously to me, we got seated next to the window looking directly out at my car.
Dinner started off... ok? F started off pretty affable, but started making little comments early on about my dress, and what I ordered and how I wanted my steak cooked - he tried to insist to our server that I really wanted medium when I had ordered my steak cooked blue. I joked to the server that when I said I wanted my steak blue (for those who don't know, "blue" is extra-rare), that that might actually be too well-done for me, better just bring it out raw. The server laughed, but F was quiet.
Conversation after that was pretty one-sided. He did ask me "what do you do for a job" (my standard answer is working at an animal sanctuary. It's not technically a lie...), which he scoffed at and made a comment about how I "must not make any money doing that" and "are you sure you can cover your bill here?". I laughed it off, but definitely found it rude.
Once I asked him about his job he completely took over the conversation. He went on ad nauseam about his job in finance at a major corporation, but once he started in about what a great investment crypto is I knew for sure he wasn't getting a second date. Honestly, it felt like I was talking to someone completely different than who I had been texting, and I was not a fan.
I had ordered desert to go, when for some reason, probably trying to impress me? F pointed out the window at what just so happened to be MY car, saying that he was doing so well in crypto he had just picked it up at the dealership, and was getting another next week just because he could.
Now some important backstory: in my very early 20s I won a significant lottery jackpot. Initially I absolutely went stupid and was spending money like an asshole, but after a few months one of my uncle's (a self-made multi-millionaire) sat me down, made me run the numbers with him, and showed me how if I kept doing what I was doing I would be broke before I was 40. He helped me get a good financial planner, and to make long-term plans. As a result over time I've still been able to have and do pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't decide to do something stupid like have a jet for every week of the year, and my money has actually grown. I've helped my close friend's and family out (and only gotten burned once), invest in local small businesses, and donate to charities that mean something to me.
I now live on a large farm outside of our major Midwestern city. And while I do travel all around the world, I spend the majority of my time training and showing horses, as well as providing homes for horses that have been rescued from the slaughter pipeline and can't be repurposed back to work, or retired show horses that need a soft spot to land (and various other animals, like pigs, alpacas, and an absolute hoard of chickens. Someone offered me a giraffe once, and I had to politely decline). And yes, I do actually do a lot of the hands-on work myself, although I have other people who clean the stalls and help with the general caretaking of the retired crowd, which is why it's not really lying when I say I 'work at an animal sanctuary'.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the finer things in life like the latest tech and designer clothes, bags, and shoes, but as I've matured I tend to not go for the flashy "logo" option. Except for one thing...
I love fast cars. My daily-driver is a Jeep that I've had for 10 years, and I have a big truck for farm stuff (I didn't drive it to dinner because it is huge and will not fit in any of the garages downtown), but I also have a small collection of late-model Lamborghinis, starting with the Murcielago I bought during my "asshole spending" phase. I also have a Gallardo, an Aventador, a Huracan, and this week I finally had my Revuelto delivered after ordering it more than a year ago. The Revuelto is what I decided to drive to my date, because I just couldn't resist the excuse to drive the new toy.
Now, back to F trying to claim my car as his. On my best day I am a sarcastic bitch, and this opportunity was too much for me to pass up. I started playing along, asking him "omg, isnt that a Lambor-jeenie Hurricane?", which he confirmed it was, and "would he take me for a ride in it after dinner?" He said maybe on our second date he would.
Basically for the next 10 minutes until we settled our checks he bullshitted his way through my questions about the "Hurricane", and how he could help me invest in crypto so I could have nice things too, and "get some nicer clothes from somewhere better than Target, because my girlfriend should only wear designer". For the record, I love Target and have a lot of clothes from there, but I was wearing a dress from The Row to dinner and my bag and shoes were designer as well, just without obvious logos for him to pick up on.
We walked out of the restaurant together and he made a show of telling me and anyone who would listen (there was a small crowd looking at my car and taking pictures with it, which is fine with me as long as they dont lean/sit on it) that he had an errand to run and would be picking his car up from the valet later, but he would wait with me until my car got brought up. I agreed, walked away to the valet stand to pay my ticket, tip, and collect my keys. Then I walked over to my car, and watched his jaw hit the pavement as I opened the door. I said "by the way F, it's a Revuelto, definitely not a "hurricane", and not even a Huracan, but I have one of those too". Some of the people who had been looking at my car were laughing at F as I got in and drove off.
I had 17 texts when I got home from F, berating me for embarrassing him in front of people because I didn't tell him it was my car from the beginning. He also called me a fat bitch after I pointed out he never should have tried to say it was his in the first place and declined his invite to a second date...
Tl;dr I went on a date with a crypto-bro who didn't know I drove a Lamborghini, and he tried to pretend my car was his to impress me.
So AITA for letting him pretend my car was his, and then publicly showing him it wasn't?

1. Dreadpunk:

Dear Writer,
Emphasize a sense of dread and unease within a gothic horror narrative within a letter. Craft an atmospheric and chilling story that immerses readers in a world where fear and apprehension lurk in every shadow, creating an unsettling and haunting experience.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Decopunk:

Dear Writer,
Set your narrative in the Art Deco era within a letter. Explore the sleek design, glamour, and distinctive aesthetics of this period, incorporating these elements into the characters' lives and surroundings to create a visually striking and stylish world.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Dying Earth Subgenre:

Dear Writer,
Immerse characters in the last days of a dying world within a letter. Portray a world on the brink of collapse, with a pervasive sense of decay and decline that shapes the characters' experiences and actions as they navigate a fading existence.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Mannerpunk:

Dear Writer,
Focus on manners, social structures, and etiquette within a fantastical setting within a letter. Craft a narrative that revolves around societal norms, manners, and the complexities of social structures, exploring how these elements shape characters' interactions and aspirations.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Slipstream:

Dear Writer,
Blur the boundaries between mainstream and speculative fiction within a letter. Create a narrative that incorporates elements of the surreal and the unusual, challenging readers' perceptions of reality through a blend of unconventional storytelling.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Cattlepunk:

Dear Writer,
Incorporate advanced technology and cattle-centric themes within a western-inspired narrative within a letter. Explore a world where technological innovations and cattle-related elements shape characters' lives, societal dynamics, or conflicts in this unique setting.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Oceanpunk:

Dear Writer,
Feature maritime and underwater settings with a focus on oceanic technology within a letter. Transport characters to a world where ocean-based technology and seafaring adventures play a central role, shaping their experiences amidst the vastness of the seas.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Dolphin Poetry:

Dear Writer,
Craft poetry inspired by or featuring dolphins as a prominent theme within a collection of verses. Dive into the elegance, beauty, and mystique of dolphins, weaving their essence into poetic imagery that captivates the reader's imagination.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

1. Cat Poetry:

Dear Writer,
Compose poetry centered around cats as a significant subject within a collection of verses. Capture the enigmatic charm, grace, and whimsy of cats in your poetry, painting vivid pictures through words that celebrate these captivating feline creatures.
Best Regards, [Your Name]

I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had 💩 smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his 💩 stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his 💩 smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

DAY: MAY 31 2024
5-31-2024

RESEARCH SUGGESTS LEADERS’ SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ARE TAKEN JUST AS SERIOUSLY AS FORMAL STATEMENTS

Over 180 world leaders maintain social media accounts, and some of them issue policy warnings to rivals and the public on these platforms rather than relying on traditional government statements. How seriously do people take such social media postings? A new study suggests the general public and policymakers alike take leaders’ social media posts just as seriously as they take formal government statements. The research, by MIT political scientists, deploys novel surveys of both the public and experienced foreign policy specialists. “What we find, which is really surprising, across both
5-31-2024

SCALE OF ONLINE HARM TO CHILDREN REVEALED IN GLOBAL STUDY

More than 300 million children a year are victims of online sexual exploitation and abuse, research indicates. Pupils in every classroom, in every school, in every country are victims of this hidden pandemic, according to researchers who have conducted the first global estimate of the scale of the crisis. The statistics, from the Childlight Global Child Safety Institute at the University of Edinburgh, amount to a clear and present danger to the world’s children, according to the crime agency Interpol. Online risks One in eight of the world’s children, about
5-31-2024

PRONATALISM IS THE LATEST SILICON VALLEY TREND. WHAT IS IT—AND WHY IS IT DISTURBING?

For Malcolm and Simone Collins, declining birth rates across many developed countries are an existential threat. The solution is to have “tons of kids,” and to use a hyperrational, data-driven approach to guide everything from genetic selection to baby names and day-to-day parenting. They don’t heat their Pennsylvania home in winter, because heating is a “pointless indulgence.” Their children wear iPads around their necks. And a Guardian journalist witnessed Malcolm strike their two-year-old across the face for misbehavior, a parenting style they apparently developed based on watching “tigers
5-31-2024

HOW SCIENCE, MATH, AND TECH CAN PROPEL SWIMMERS TO NEW HEIGHTS

One hundred years ago, in the 1924 Paris Olympics, American Johnny Weissmuller won the men’s 100m freestyle with a time of 59 seconds. Nearly 100 years later, in the most recent Olympics, the delayed 2020 Games in Tokyo, Caeleb Dressel took home the same event with a time that was 12 seconds faster than Weissmuller’s. Swimming times across the board have become much faster over the past century, a result of several factors, including innovations
5-31-2024

BANNING SEX CRIME OFFENDERS FROM CHANGING THEIR NAMES DOESN’T MAKE US SAFER

The government of British Columbia recently introduced a bill to ban people convicted of serious offenses from legally changing their name. The proposed amendment to the province’s Name Act would also prohibit those found not criminally responsible due to mental disorder from changing their name. The government announced the move after media reports that Allan Schoenborn legally changed his name to Ken Johnson. Schoenborn was found not criminally responsible for the deaths of his children in 2010 because of a delusional disorder, and was placed at a psychiatric hospital.
5-31-2024

SILICON VALLEY ISN’T THE START-UP UTOPIA WE THOUGHT, RESEARCH FINDS

Silicon Valley—considered the world’s hub of technology and innovation—can breed inequality and sameness among budding entrepreneurs, according to new research. Behind the multi-million-dollar deals and tales of start-up utopia, Silicon Valley’s “uneven” investment landscape is in fact a barrier to many budding businesses, says the study from the University of Stirling and Georg-August-University Göttingen. But the researchers suggest other countries could still learn from the more discerning entrepreneurial ecosystem that bred giants such as Apple and Google, to be more selective in backing start-ups. While it is not uncommon for
5-31-2024

I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE FROM ABUSE—BUT RESEARCH TELLS ME I’M DOING IT WRONG

Child sexual abuse is uncomfortable to think about, much less talk about. The idea of an adult engaging in sexual behaviors with a child feels sickening. It’s easiest to believe that it rarely happens, and when it does, that it’s only to children whose parents aren’t protecting them. This belief stayed with me during my early days as a parent. I kept an eye out for creepy men at the playground and was skeptical of men who worked with young children, such as teachers and coaches. When my kids were
5-31-2024

OVER 300 MILLION YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED ONLINE SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, FINDS METASTUDY

It takes a lot to shock Kelvin Lay. My friend and colleague was responsible for setting up Africa’s first dedicated child exploitation and human trafficking units, and for many years he was a senior investigating officer for the Child Exploitation Online Protection Center at the UK’s National Crime Agency, specializing in extra territorial prosecutions on child exploitation across the globe. But what happened when he recently volunteered for a demonstration of cutting-edge identification software left him speechless. Within seconds of being fed with an image
5-31-2024

CYBERFLASHING IS A FORM OF GENDERED SEXUAL VIOLENCE THAT MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Sexting—sending sexually suggestive or explicit messages and images—is now a widespread practice, and can be a healthy way to express and explore sexuality. However, there is a need to distinguish between consensual sexting and forms of sexual harassment like cyberflashing. Cyberflashing refers to the act of non-consensually sending sexual imagery (like nudes or “dick pics”) to another person. It is facilitated through communications technologies including text, AirDrop and social media applications like Snapchat and Tinder. Similar to flashing—when a person unexpectedly and deliberately “flashes” their genitals to others—that occurs in
5-31-2024

VIRTUAL TRAINING MAY BE AN EFFECTIVE, COST-EFFICIENT OPTION FOR CHILD EDUCATORS

Teachers and other child educators can benefit from regular professional development, but in-person training can be expensive. New research found that virtual training can be a budget-friendly alternative—and especially effective for certain groups of educators. The study—a collaboration between researchers at Penn State and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and published in the International Journal of Professional Development, Learners and Learning—found that educators who took a virtual training reported feeling more confident in their abilities to implement practices shown to support positive youth development. In particular, after-school providers who did not
5-31-2024

HUMBLE LEADERS BOOST EMPLOYEES’ WORKPLACE STATUS AND LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, FINDS STUDY

There are many different types of workplace leaders, from those who prioritize the needs of team members and the organization above their own, to authentic leaders who foster openness, trust and transparency. A recent study by the University of South Australia published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior has highlighted the significant benefits of humble leadership in the workplace. According to the study by UniSA’s Dr. Xiao Lin, humble leadership can effectively elevate the workplace status of employees by boosting their sense of respect and prominence. It also leads to
5-31-2024

WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

Rising food costs are squeezing Canadians around the country. Nearly everyone is feeling the pinch, and it’s not just an inconvenience—high food prices are a major threat to food security for many Canadians. Understanding why food prices are so high and why they are changing is critical to the well-being of our society. Unfortunately, consensus on why food price are so high is in short supply. Explanations given in reports like Canada’s Food Price Report and the news media range widely, from the war in Ukraine to supply chain issues
5-31-2024

WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

Is artificial intelligence an unprecedented opportunity, or will it rob everyone of jobs and creativity? As we debate on social media (and perhaps use ChatGPT almost daily), generative AIs have also entered the arena of university communication. These tools—based on large language models that were optimized for interactive communication—can indeed support, expand, and innovate university communication offerings. Justus Henke has analyzed the situation of German realities about six months after the launch of ChatGPT 3. “The research was conducted about a year ago when enthusiasm was high, but it was
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

Classification of superspreader accounts. A large portion (55.1%) of accounts are no longer active. For each class annotated with political affiliations, colors indicate the ideological split. The last group aggregates all accounts with political affiliations. Credit: PLOS ONE (2024). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0302201 A small team of social media analysts at Indiana University has found that a major portion of tweets spreading disinformation are sent by a surprisingly small percentage of a given userbase. In their study, published in PLOS ONE, the group conducted a review of 2,397,388 tweets posted on Twitter
5-31-2024

HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

Life-changing events like the birth of a child, the purchase of a new home, or a lottery win could threaten the survival of a new business venture, the positive family events had a comparatively greater influence, albeit negatively, on the survival of a new venture, compared with
5-31-2024

RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

We’ve all done it. A bad night’s sleep or a tough commute made us cranky, and we lashed out at a coworker who did nothing wrong. What can we do to make up for it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, embracing our guilty feelings can help us make up for our bad behavior by encouraging us to act more politely and work harder the next day. “We found that anyone can be rude at work, because anyone can
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

Social inclusion and having a sense of belonging with other people are key elements of a good life. However, the fate of humanity is a challenge that extends beyond our social reality. Experiences of belonging and inclusion, understood in a broader sense than before, may be crucial for a sustainable future. In an article published in the International Journal of Social Pedagogy, a team of researchers propose a new planetary inclusion scale that structures our planetary relationship three-dimensionally based on temporal, spatial and ethical orientation. The temporal element relates to
5-31-2024

‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

Women in leadership are often told to “Lean In,” designed to be motivational messaging demonstrating that they are more confident, strategic and resilient to setback. However, new research indicates that such “lean in” messaging can hinder women’s motivation to protest gender equality. Popularized in a book by American technology executive Sherly Sandberg, the “Lean In” solution to gender inequality advises women that demonstrating personal resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to career advancement. Now, a new study led by the University of Exeter, Bath Spa University
5-31-2024

ALGORITHMS COULD HELP IMPROVE JUDICIAL DECISIONS

A new paper in the Quarterly Journal of Economics finds that replacing certain judicial decision-making functions with algorithms could improve outcomes for defendants by eliminating some of the systemic biases of judges. Decision makers make consequential choices based on predictions of unknown outcomes. Judges, in particular, make decisions about whether to grant bail to defendants or how to sentence those convicted. Companies now use machine learning based models increasingly in high-stakes decisions. There are various assumptions about human behavior underlying the deployment of such learning models that play out in
5-31-2024

DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

The election has commenced and the race is on—to amass as many likes, shares and comments as possible. Digital campaigning, particularly through social media, is now a key part of political candidates’ communication toolkit. In fact, every general election campaign since 1997 has at some point been lauded as the first to make effective use of digital campaigning. But it was in 2015 that David Cameron’s campaign first made strategic use of social media to drive an election victory. As political reporter Tim Ross outlines in his excellent book, Why
5-31-2024

WHY ARE ORGANIZATIONAL COVER-UPS SO COMMON?

The TV dramatization of the UK Horizon Post Office scandal evoked outrage and disbelief. However, as another example of dysfunctional organizational behavior, it was expected rather than exceptional. The Post Office saga joins a long list of cover-ups or scandals that includes Hillsborough, Enron, Grenfell, the infected blood scandal, the Tuam babies scandal in the Republic of Ireland, Boeing 737 Max and Nasa (Columbia space shuttle). They represent what happens when there is a move within organizations and institutions to cover up the causes of
5-31-2024

AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

Spirituality is increasingly popular with young Australians: recent research shows 38% of Gen Z Australians identify as spiritual. It also reports 50% of them believe in karma, 29% in reincarnation and 20% in astrology. When it comes to activities equated with spirituality, 28% of Gen Z Australians practice meditation and 22% practice yoga. In Australia, spirituality is strongly, enduringly central to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and culturally and religiously diverse communities. Yet until recently, spirituality has received far less attention than religion. Spirituality may be
5-31-2024

COMPANIES CAN IMPROVE THE SUSTAINABILITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS IN THE EARLIEST PRODUCT-DESIGN STAGES

An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Lithuanian and Italian universities propose a tool that allows companies to assess the circularity of their future products. The self-assessment tool emphasizes the co-creation of circular design in the early (creative) stages of product development, encouraging entrepreneurs and designers to think more systematically and collaborate better by integrating related stakeholders into the product development process. The study is published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology. “The majority of existing practical tools (systems of indicators) are aimed at measuring the environmental impact of products already
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage Month, a time when Americans celebrate the profound contributions of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders—a group that is commonly abbreviated as AAPI—to U.S. society. It’s also a time to acknowledge the complexity of AAPI experience. And as a professor who studies equity and inclusion in business, I think the focus on AAPI communities this month provides an excellent occasion to push back against a stereotype that has long misrepresented and marginalized a diverse range of people: the myth of the “model minority.” The
5-31-2024

WONDERING HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT? HERE’S AN AGE-BASED GUIDE TO GET YOU STARTED

The Australian government’s new campaign Consent Can’t Wait challenges us all to improve our understanding of consent. It asks a series of questions to illustrate this issue is more complex than simplistic “no means no” messaging. The campaign invites viewers to consider the nuances of consent, so we can raise these important issues with children and young people in our lives. But what is a good age to start talking about consent? How do parents tackle such conversations when this information probably wasn’t readily discussed in our own upbringing? How
5-31-2024

A PRODUCT OF NATURE OR NURTURE?

The concept of cultural entrepreneurship has many facets. It encompasses both the cultural and social impact of entrepreneurial training, and the environmental factors that influence its development. Some societies, such as the U.S., have a strong entrepreneurial culture. This means that certain characteristics are celebrated and encouraged, such as the ability of individuals to assume risks, patience when confronting challenges, and innovative problem solving, especially in uncertain situations. However, not all countries have such an entrepreneurial culture. Entrepreneurship struggles to take off in Europe In general, entrepreneurship can drive economic
5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

A graphic depicting a student coding. Credit: Carnegie Mellon University Teachers today face a bit of a conundrum, according to a new study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the Rochester Institute of Technology. Their goal is to prepare young students to enter a rapidly changing world. Even basic jobs require technical proficiency, which requires computational and analytical skills. To address this need, many educators are pushing to fold these important STEM skills into elementary curriculum. Here’s the problem. Young students can lose interest and even develop an aversion
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

On the left, a bird’s-eye view of the virtual classroom; on the right, screenshots of each of the four gaze-visualization conditions. Teachers need to know their material, but they must also keep their students engaged and interested. Part of that involves making eye contact with their students—all of them. A multidisciplinary team of researchers tested several methods of data visualization in an immersive virtual reality (VR) classroom, to give teachers a way to gauge
5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

Wifi-enabled washing machines. Voice-controlled microwaves. App-enabled TVs, vacuum cleaners, and even window blinds you can control from the comfort of your couch. Many of the technological features now included in everyday products are useful and accessible. But research has shown that having too many can overwhelm potential buyers, making them less likely to make a purchase. In recent research, Wayne Hoyer, marketing professor and James L. Bayless/William S. Farrish Fund Chair for Free Enterprise at Texas McCombs, digs into the phenomenon of “feature creep” and its impact on consumer sentiment.
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
5-31-2024

CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

Let me preface this with the past 5 years summarized.
My wife used to smoke when I met her. She smoked when we were married, and for many years after. Due to health concerns, she decided to quit, and did so sometime around 2013.
We used to go away on holidays together as a family. In 2016 I took our son (13 at the time) on a road trip across a lot of the South and Western US States (CO, TX, UT, AZ, NM) while she went to another city to spend time with her daughter from another relationship. Since then, we did not go on holidays or take vacation together at the same time.
In 2017 I went away with our son, and again in 2018 and 2019. Sometime around 2019 I noticed my wife was smoking again, but I decided not to bother her about it, just let it be. I didn't say anything. She would leave to go to the store to smoke, because who goes to the store 2x every day?
She got into the car cruise nights and she would take her daughter along with her. Our son would ask to go, and she would often say no, she had already promised her daughter. Sometimes she would let him go.
She never wanted me to go with her, and in fact said so with excuses all the time ("you don't like sitting in my car, you don't like being around other people a lot, you should have fun with our son playing games instead" you name it). In the fall of 2022, our son told her that we knew she was smoking, when I wasn't home. So at first the nightly shopping trips ceased, as she began smoking outside on the street.
In 2023, for our anniversary, I got her a present and sent her a nice text. She thanked me by text, and didn't do or say anything in return. For my birthday, she didn't get me a card, or a gift. For father's day, same thing, no card, nothing. I had asked her to go away with me on a trip, and she said no. So I took our son on another trip. We had to come home 4 days early because we got sick, and she was upset we arrived early. She had taken the same period off for her holidays without telling me, and was mad that she was off work when I would also be off work and at home.
For her birthday, she didn't want me to do anything or even take her out, and instead went out by herself on a cruise night. At least she said she was going by herself, I didn't verify.
I should mention that during our whole relationship, I have always shared my phone location with her, but she has never shared hers with me, even though I've asked. She said she doesn't trust location services on the phone and so didn't want to use it. Okay, fine. She never would let me see her phone, and she had a passcode she never wanted me to see. Also, we had ceased having any sex sometime around 2018, and stopped kissing each other shortly after.
In the fall of 2023, she wanted to go to a cruise happening in another city, one state over. I said I'd like to go, and it seemed like she wasn't pleased but also not showing it. I could just have been reading that wrong. We went, and checked in to our hotel for the night, and she sat on the couch beside me on her phone for hours. I tried talking and she didn't want to engage. I tried rubbing her back, and touching her and it was like touching a dead person, with no response. When I finally said that I thought maybe we could make love, she said she was too tired for that.
The next day, I told her I wanted to make love to her, and she said she would have to shower first, and when she came out of the shower, we made love. But it was different than it used to be.
She started going out again to the store more frequently, and then it became just going for a drive, or going for a walk after a drive, or just sitting in her car in some random parking lot for 6 hours listening to music (so she said).
Just before Christmas, she went to the car club dinner, and said I wasn't invited so I couldn't go along.
On New Year's Eve, she told me after supper, at 7pm, that she was going to a party that her friend was hosting, and that she wanted to go alone. I was quite upset over this, but didn't say anything. I just let her go, while I sat at home and cried.
The next week, she asked me to book a hotel room for her for middle of January, as she was taking a week of holidays. I was upset, wondering where this was leading, but I did it for her.
After her first night, I texted her and asked how she slept, and she said she didn't sleep well, was up at midnight because car alarms were going off in the parking lot, and she didn't get back to sleep until after 2:30am.
Our anniversary came, and I got her a gift, and sent her a text. She simply said "thank you for the gift" but nothing else. It seemed off, but not like this wasn't a trend. It was just, becoming more distant and off.
From the hotel stay, through until the end of February, she would be out for at least 4-6 hours every single night and the entire weekends. It was drinking with the girls from work (something she never did before) to coffee with a certain friend (we'll call her Nettie), out for a drive, etc. In the beginning of February, our son needed to go to the hospital, and he had texted her to take him, because I had already taken him 4 times in the prior 2 months. She showed up at home to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, she was texting someone, with her phone held at an angle so he couldn't see. Several times they almost hit another car or went into the ditch.
Finally he shouted at her "who is so important that you're texting, that you're willing to kill us over?" and she angrily just slammed her phone down and said nothing.
On February 29, in the afternoon, she sent me an email that she was separating from me. I didn't see it until 7pm. She came home from work at around 6, and was really weird. I guess she didn't know I hadn't seen it yet. We decided on supper, and she went out to get the food and bring it home. While she was out, I saw the email.
She never gave me any reason why. Here was her email:

I have been unhappy for such a long time, and nothing seems to help us improve our relationship. I am sorry to say this, but this relationship isn’t bringing out the best in either of us so I’ve decided that I want to separate with the intention of reconciliation.
I feel like I don’t have any space in our house. I mentioned using the 2^nd bedroom for my painting and you said right away that you wanted to use it. I stopped even trying to do this.
I would like for you to take care of yourself and get some answers regarding your health and wellness.
Some of the steps I am taking include:
I am currently looking for a place of my own, so we both have space to work on our own stuff. I need time to reflect on myself and discover who I am again. I’m looking for peace within myself and feel I need to do this on my own.
I have opened my own account and my next pay check will be deposited into this account.
I am seeing a counselor.
In restarting our journey, I support your promise to clean up the basement and to sell the stuff. I am also hurting at this time, we both need to heal so we can continue.
I think it's best if we communicate through email for now. I will respond within 24 hours.

After this, she began asking me questions over several days about things, accounts, etc., and I reasoned she was seeing a lawyer. So I made an appointment and saw a lawyer, and we drafted a letter to send to her. In the meantime, before receiving that letter, she filed for divorce, with no possibility of reconciliation, and she filed to take all of my assets, and for a restraining and protection order. She filed to take the house, and have exclusive access to it, etc.
I began trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I started looking at the phone bills, something I had never done before. I reversed phone numbers she had called, and then saw that during the time she was at the hotel, she had zero phone calls, except for one. She received a call at 11:30pm on the first night she was staying there, The same night she mentioned she was awakened by car alarms when I asked how her night was.
Why did she get a phone call at 11:30pm, who was it? Why no other calls for the rest of her stay? People she would talk to knew she was away? She would typically have at least 3-5 calls minimum every single day on her phone.
Unfortunately, incoming calls don't have a call number listed, just that it is incoming. The call lasted for 2 minutes.
While she was 'separated' from me, but still living in the same home, she would not talk to me. At all. One evening, a few weeks after the divorce filing, she was texting someone, and at 9pm she went to bed. Half hour later she got up, and went out the door, and was gone for 2 hours, returning at 11:30pm, going straight to bed. Something she had never done before.
I was blindsided and struck by this separation, and then divorce. I mean, our marriage wasn't great for years, no sex, no intimacy, no "love", but I had figured she just needed some space. I gave her space.
One thing that happened 3 weeks before she separated from me, our son came to me, and told me that his mom was acting really weird for the past while. He said he had some ideas, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to be wrong. I told him I already had ideas, and I had already talked to friends who gave me their opinion, and just spit it out. He said he thought she was cheating on me, and that it was possibly someone from the car cruise group. He told me about the texting incident while driving to the hospital.
Additionally, he told me the first time she took him to the car group, she told him MANY times "you don't have to worry about me, all of these people are married". He said at one point "why are you telling me that?" and she said "well, I didn't want you to think I'm seeing other people behind your dad's back".
On top of this, I had started checking up on her when she would say where she was going. And she wasn't going there. She said she went for coffee at a coworker's house, and when I went for a drive while she was there, I found she wasn't there. She also had texted me at least 8 times that she was going to see Nettie for coffee. Which is funny because I ran into Nettie a few weeks ago, and Nettie hadn't seen her since last summer, when my wife betrayed her trust somehow and walked out on their friendship.
Was my wife cheating on me? She refuses to talk to me. She is telling people lies, like saying that I came to the hotel and checked up on her while she was there, telling the front desk people to "call him if anyone goes to his wife's room". She has told people I know that I had accused her of cheating on me, and I wasn't trusting her, etc.
Is she just done with our marriage? I think it all fell apart 5 years ago, but I'm not entirely sure. The way she was with me, and at home was nearly the same until the day she gave me a separation email, as it was for the prior 5 years. Was she faking it for 5 years?
In the meantime, she has turned her daughter away from me. She and our son went out for the afternoon a couple of months ago, and she told him "isn't it so shitty what dad did to mom?". I didn't do anything... I don't get it.
If she comes crawling back to me, I will not get back together with her. She has proven now that she is 100% untrustworthy. And without trust, there can be no relationship.

Just got a mailed invitation to the 3-day convention in a pamphlet. I've first went to a convention when I was newly married to my PIMI spouse as a non-member, and never was one. Listening the whole 3 days in the late 90's and a few years after was my first red flag this organization is something sinister to be aware of. To my worldly mindset it was pure cult tendencies and fear based control. We got an invitation from someone that does not know our address belongs to a JW member, she has written here before with the usual writing ministry ungenuine form letters spending so far 2 dollars of her own money on our address alone. What gets me is, do they really think they are going to convince a worldly person to go when they can't get people to a regular Sunday meeting locally? the convention address they are suggesting we should go to is 110 miles away in a very expensive congested city for 3 long 8 hour days to listen to their unbelievable lectures filled with doom & gloom fear mongering bordering on a conspiracy theories against their organization from the world out to get them. looks like this year programming is just as cringier than before. The closest location are 3 other cities 90 miles away with somewhat reasonable hotel rates than what they "suggest" to attend, but yet suggest an inconvenient location in this inflated economy even for the middle class. Their marketing dept are way off base in attracting any interest, even from "Honest hearted ones", they are desperately trying to attract. Good job WT, you're doing a great job making disciples to a dying sect.

Houtarou really made an egg dish to an egg while inside of an egg.
List of the Chemy Ride Cards currently owned by the characters as of Episode 38

• For producer Minato, it was a very Gotchard-like, bright final power-up debut episode: Houtarou was able to forget the despair of having killed his friend for the sake of someone hungry in front of him. When asked why he fights (even though it's scary and hurts both him and the Chemies), he only replied "Even if you say all that...". Because the answer was inside him from the beginning. We should all work together to overcome any scary things, and not get stuck and give up on what we've lost but do whatever it takes to get it back. That little something that goes beyond logic is the driving force behind the power-up that surpasses existing values.
• Like stated in last week's blog, while Kamen Rider Gotchard's main theme is "Bright! Fun!", it is true that the show had turned a blind eye to what makes a Kamen Rider show Kamen Rider-like. But that was also in part because of the production team's desire to go beyond the predisposed flow of "if we do something like ◯◯, it will end up being Kamen Rider-like, right?". And so, when finally faced with those "Kamen Rider-like" aspects that they had been avoiding, they felt that their wish had been fulfilled as Houtarou easily overcame them. So, from here on, it's time to follow the story of Houtarou Ichinose aka someone who went beyond Kamen Rider. This is the story of Houtarou, an unfinished high school student who is nobody, becoming something that no one has ever seen before.
• You might have noticed but Ichinose Houtarou is a little bit… strange compared to a normal high school student. That wasn’t planned. Even though they tried their best to make him as normal as possible (though he was mentally younger than the average 17-year-old), the individuality of his actor Junsei Motojima and the accumulation of the different directions for the character created by the various directors who worked on Gotchard created this somewhat weird high school boy. And because of all that, Houtarou going beyond existing values ​​resulted in the birth of Nijigon. So, for now on, the bright and fun Kamen Rider Gotchard will go on while also showcasing the growth of this second Houtarou named Nijigon.
• Next week, we'll finally get the full collection of the 101 Chemies, and we'll be able to discover Rainbow Gotchard's unique ability: Gotcha Brothers.
• Tamagon (as named by Houtarou because tamago = egg in japanese) was embedded in the Gotchadriver when Fuuga created it, and that is why it was able to see the world through the driver. And after fighting side by side for so long, it has become attached to Houtarou himself, and is an inseparable part of him.
• The images that Houtarou saw in his head when he first transformed into Gotchard and when he received the Exgotchaliber from UFO-X were probably a manifestation of Tamagon's power.

Man, that image brings back memories...

• Tamagon said to Houtarou that he could stay inside of the egg forever, that he's done enough and that the outside world is scary anyway so he (Tamagon) himself didn't want to be born either. He didn't have any special talent in alchemy or anything, he just happened to receive the driver, got hurt with his friends many times, and even lost his previous partner. Houtarou could have given up. He could have stood up, while despairing about still not knowing how to fix the situation. But Houtarou chose the third option, as expected from him. And he was even able to bring up Nijigon's Gotcha (wanting to see the outside world) by... feeding an egg to another egg. Really Houtarou-like(?).
• By the way, Tamagon's character and attitude were also things that were debated until the very end. In fact, they were even considering a scenario where Tamagon would have instead said "Houtarou, hurry up, I want to be born soon!!!".
• While inside of the egg, Houtarou's stomach growled at the perfect time. Producer Minato said something about this during the meeting that was very memorable to assistant producer Harashima: "even at times like these, he gets hungry". It made her realize that it's the food his mother makes that really gets him going at times like these. So, they had to include Tamami's gentle smile at some point. She is the one who understands Houtarou the best, and even though she doesn't say much, she always gives him hints on how to overcome obstacles.
• Rinne, too, became overcome with fear that she might lose her precious partner. But Big Sis Renge was there to give her a scolding. Renge has been watching Rinne closely, and has fought alongside her even after she become a Kamen Rider, so only she could say those harsh words: "Enough is enough! You're a Kamen Rider, aren't-ya?!".
• Spanner has also learned of his bond with Gigist: the black flames that Gigist possesses are the same flames that Spanner has. It seems that Gigist has a lot of respect for Spanner, since he went as far as inviting him to his side.
• Vanfenrir, one of the 5 Chemies used to create this episode's Malgam, was voiced by Kanon Miyahara, who plays Clotho.
• Producer Minato insisted from the very beginning on having rain pouring down for the entire episode until Houtarou comes back with the rainbow.

The cherry blossoms in the background... Beautiful image.

• This episode was filmed in early April. But it was still cold so the cast members had to endure not only the cold but also wet clothes while acting.
• As usual, the lettering for the alchemy spell was handled by designer Tajima from Ishimori Pro.
• Tamagon's personality changed a bit when becoming Nijigon (niji = rainbow in japanese), and that's because he was born after being inspired by Houtarou. Nijigon himself became a bit Houtarou-like.
• The theme of Rainbow Gotchard is: rainbow and arrow. In a sense, we get a return to origins with the rainbow, reminiscent of the rainbow glow from the original Gotchadriver. Also, Gotchard is the Arrow Rider, so of course that trademark is the main motif of the suit. The helmet was designed to be as sharp as possible so that it looks like a giant arrow when viewed from either side.
• While making the omurice in the egg mind world, Houtarou grasped the true essence of alchemy: just like cooking, alchemy uses tiny ingredients, but by "gotchanko" them together, the mix can produce great power. Rainbow Gotchard brings a huge change in Houtarou's fighting style: he will fight using alchemy with his own free-spirited ideas, and that's just... really Houtarou-like.
• Thanks to the power of the rainbow from Rainbow Gotchard, the Chemies that had turned completely white were restored to their original forms. The secret behind why the Chemies were able to return to normal will be revealed next time.

Episode 39: Gotcha Complete! Climax 101!

Air Date: June 9, 2024
Screenplay: Uchida Hiroki
Director: Yamaguchi Kyohei

Finally time to "gotcha" all the Chemies?!
After having finally "gotcha" the phantom rainbow Chemy Nijigon, there are only two Chemies left to complete the full collection of 101 Chemies!
The group comes up with their own unique strategies to "gotcha" the last two: Ojilacanth and Pakuraptor.
But the Abysallis King could not just stand by and watch it happen and launches a serious onslaught against the threat of Nijigon!?
When all 101 Chemies are collected, the true power of Rainbow Gotchard will be unleashed!

Hi, I don't really use Reddit but one of the people this is about follows me on Instagram and honestly I don't wanna hear from him right now.
I kept this mostly quiet because I thought it would behoove me to do so. However, this has not been the case, so I’ve got a story for y’all.
Some of you may know that I was inspired to start my pedal-building journey after seeing an episode of the JHS Show. As such, I started sending pedals I built to JHS shortly after founding Demonic Machines. In each box I included a letter which contained, among other things, my pronouns (they/them), which were clearly never read. For a few years I never heard anything back, which was fine. I sent the pedals as a token of appreciation more than anything so I wasn’t worried about it.
Then, one day this past summer, I got a message from Belle at JHS informing me that they were going to be putting a demo of one of my pedals up on their social media. I’m now embarrassed to say that I was stoked. Demonic Machines had been struggling since day one, essentially, and this could have been a major boost to my business.
When the video went up, I got 200+ new Instagram followers. It would have been more, but JHS took the video down after maybe an hour. I received a message from the JHS Instagram account that said, “Hey Lucky, we took the video down where we misgendered you! That’s on us. We’ll reshoot asap and let you know when it’s ready!!”
Apparently, there were people in the comments telling them that they got my pronouns wrong. I was not associated with these people. They acted of their volition.
The thing is, I get misgendered every day of my life. The kids at work call me “Mr. Lucky.” I wasn’t upset about it. I know who I am. I don’t need fucking JHS to affirm my gender. I kind of wish they had read the letters I included since I went through the trouble of writing them, but I just wanted to get more eyes on my pedals so I could sell them and maybe use the money to pay for my rent and groceries. But I know how straight people get embarrassed, and they DID say they would reshoot it, so I just replied, “oh okay. i wasn’t that worked up about it but i appreciate it.” I assumed, it being a minute-long video, that they would reshoot it, you know, “ASAP.”
Months went by. I saw numerous episodes of the JHS Show come and go, and numerous spotlights on other builders, so I sent them a message asking if they were actually gonna reshoot the spot. They said they would, and I responded by expressing concern that their CEO wasn’t going to reshoot the spot, that I was just going to get swept under the rug, and that he could have just owned up to the fact that he accidentally misgendered me instead of taking down the video that, again, I WANTED UP.
A few days later, Josh Scott messaged me from his personal account. He was upset that I had called him a CEO and that I had pointed out that he did a bad job of learning about the builder he had spotlit (what with him misgendering me and everything). He sent me multiple voice memos informing me that he’s not a CEO (though his Facebook profile says that he is); that he did, in fact, make an effort to learn about me before he shot the video (which is fair, I can’t disprove that claim); and that the reason they took the video down was because “they want to refer to me correctly” (or not at all, apparently) and because “people were tearing them apart” for misgendering me (cry me a fucking river, bro).
Now, I want to be clear: JHS did not owe me a demo. I did not send them pedals expecting a demo. But what I do expect is for people to do something when they say they’ll do it, which JHS did not.
So the other day, I messaged JHS to inform them that Demonic Machines is dead and they’re off the hook for that video (that I’m 99% certain they had no intention of ever reshooting). I also messaged Josh to ask if he could use his platform to tell people about Audio! Audio! since he told me to let him know if I needed anything. He declined. I can’t say I’m surprised.
I don't think I'm blameless in this. Maybe I should have been more patient. But the situation sucks and I wanted to vent.

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”

I’m at a crossroads right now, my head is telling me no but my heart is telling me yes. The story is a bit complicated so I will do my best to explain our relationship so you can understand the full picture.
I’ll start with the way we initially got together. We come from the same country ethnically, but I lived my whole life abroad. When I was 17 I met her in my home country while I was visiting for the summer. We only spent one day together at a family gathering, she was a friend of a friend. Well since that day we became good friends and we started texting for years. Eventually I felt romantic interest in her but she declined because she wasn’t interested at the time. This was 6-7 years ago. Since then we didn’t talk as much. Then about 3 years ago during the summer, I was visiting again and we crossed paths again. It had been like 4 years since we last talked. We had a great conversation and it was as if we never stopped talking. We had extremely good chemistry and we both felt a spark. After that I knew she had interest in me, we kept texting and she sent me a really long paragraph about how she caught feelings for me and she regrets rejecting me in the past, and how she would really love it if I gave her another chance to get to know each other romantically. I felt the same way about her so I decided to give it a shot. Keep in mind I only saw her in person that one time, I left back to my country after just two days. But we were both willing to do long distance because we were extremely attracted to each other and we saw a future together.
So our entire relationship was basically long distance, all of it was over the phone. But our relationship escalated very quickly, she told me it happened like it was straight out of a movie. Eventually she was telling me things like I’m the one and she wants to marry me and she’s never been this sure of anything in her entire life. I felt the same way. It was one of those things where “when you know you know”. I had already know her previously and her personality. Anyways, we didn’t really have a plan to close the distance, but we were willing to stick it out until I could move to her. It would’ve taken 2-3 years. But of course we had to meet each other first and date in person. After a whole year of dating, we planned a trip together to Italy so we could finally spend time with each other for the first time. We waited a long time for this moment. I thought the trip went great and that it solidified our relationship, she told me she had a great time and that the chemistry was still there in person.
Well a few months after that trip, which was last January, she broke up with me. She basically said she couldn’t do the distance anymore even though she thought she could. And that she wasn’t able to see me only once a year, and keep saying “one day” without an actual plan. Which is completely understandable, I don’t blame her at all. It was probably doomed to fail because of that. But afterwards, I was so heartbroken by the breakup that I reacted very emotionally. I wrote her a long letter explaining my feelings and how I couldn’t understand why she would give up after all the promises. Now I completely understand, but at the time I didn’t because I was blinded by my own feelings. I kept pushing her and bothering her for more answers, and eventually she snapped at me. She said a lot of things that were hurtful and disrespectful. She said that she was forcing herself to be comfortable with me on the trip, that it wasn’t the type of comfort it should be with the one, she said that the distance wouldn’t have mattered if it was the right person (which contradicts her previous excuse about distance), she also said that she just didn’t love me anymore, and she didn’t want to settle for someone she has to learn to love, she wants to find a love that comes naturally to her. She also said that she might’ve just loved the idea of me because it felt different on the trip. And that if we had a base together, maybe it would’ve worked. But we never got to know each other physically, we got into a committed relationship for a year without ever seeing each other in person.
So basically, her initial reason was the distance, but after she snapped at me she said that it was because she didn’t love me and that I’m not the right person for her. Even though she believed with all her heart that I was the right person during the relationship. So maybe it was a combination of both reasons, I don’t know. Maybe the extreme distance led her to lose feelings and realize I’m not the right guy for her. Anyways, we ended it in January and we went no contact since then. Not a single text. I was extremely heartbroken for months and very hurt at the things she said to me. I couldn’t understand how she moved on so quickly and discarded me from her life. As if I never meant anything to her. We were planning our future together.
I just want to add that now 4 months after the breakup I completely understand her. I understand why she felt uncomfortable with me. We met each other for one day and then spent an entire year talking over the phone and got into a committed relationship. We never had the opportunity to get to know each other physically. In a normal relationship you would spend time together in person and THEN decide to commit. So over the course of a year we built up an idealized version of each other in our heads. When we met on the vacation, physically we were strangers. I’ll admit, I felt a bit uncomfortable too, and it felt a bit weird, but after a few days I did feel comfortable with her. I figured it was normal since we have to get used to each other. But I was willing to look past it because I loved her. And she is definitely the type of woman that needs to spend a long time with someone before feeling comfortable being intimate with them. Also, it was her first serious relationship and she’d never even had her first kiss before. She’s a very reserved and shy girl. Maybe I rushed things by trying to kiss her too soon, I should’ve went way slower and just focused on getting comfortable with each other. On top of all that, we were also in a strange environment that we’ve never been to before (Italy), with a person that is a stranger physically. Yes we talked for an entire year but physically we were strangers. We spent a year in a committed (digital) relationship, so by the time we met, there was all this expectation built up of how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to immediately behave as committed couples do. When in reality, what we probably should’ve done was get to know each other first. we should’ve probably just talked for a year without actually committing, and then decide if we want to be together after we actually meet. But since we both rushed into it, there was a lot of expectation. So overall it completely makes sense that we were uncomfortable because we never had a base to build off of.
Now it’s been about 4 months since the break up with no contact. A turn of events happened in my life and I ended up moving to my country this month, much sooner than I expected, for a work opportunity. It’s the same country where my ex lives. I wasn’t planning to move there for another 2-3 years, but it just so happened that I ended up moving back just 4 months after we broke up. As soon as I settled in, my ex reached out to me telling me that she heard I moved back to this country. We talked for a bit and we ended up meeting up so we could catch up with each other. She picked me up and we went for a drive, with no expectations to rekindle anything, just to have fun together. And we actually had an amazing time. A short drive turned into a whole day spent with her. We talked, we laughed, and I felt the same chemistry and spark that I felt when we first met. We hung out the next day, and the next day, then on the 4th day, she ended up telling me that she realized she still has feelings for me and wants to get back together. This time, it would be different because we are actually in the same country, there’s no more long distance.
I told her I needed to think about it, and now I’m here typing this. I don’t know if I should take her back or not, mainly because of the things she said to me during the break up. Yes, distance may have played a role in her losing feelings, and I give her the benefit of the doubt. But I can’t forget the things she said to me when she snapped. She told me HERSELF that she just didn’t love me, and that the distance wouldn’t have mattered with the right person. She made the decision to completely give up on me. She moved on so quickly and was completely fine without me in her life. When she broke up she had it in her mind that she wanted to find someone better. How can I forgive that? I tell myself, all of this happened because we could never be close, we never got to start the relationship the proper way. But I also tell myself, if she was the right person, would she have given up on me? I know that “the one” isn’t some magical feeling you only get with one person, and that circumstances sometimes cause relationships to not work out. But even under all these circumstances, maybe the right person would’ve stayed? Maybe the right person would’ve felt comfortable with me on the trip. I mean, a lot of you guys in this sub were nevermets, and there’s so many cases of people never meeting for years, and they still end up working out. Just because we now have a chance to be together now in close proximity, does that mean I should do it? Do I want someone that would only decide to love me if I am close to them? I don’t know if I am being reasonable by questioning these things. Maybe she is the right person but circumstances actually couldn’t let us be together until now. I can’t tell if I should say no because I should find someone that would stick with me through anything, I don’t even know if that person exists. I don’t know if anyone would be able to handle the relationship we had, so maybe it’s unfair to blame her for giving up on me.
I told her all these things and she gave me a huge apology and said she was wrong. She explained why she felt uncomfortable and why she felt like she lost feelings, and it was basically everything I explained before. But she said now she realized she was wrong and that she is comfortable with me and that she made a huge mistake. She said she confused her feelings and thought that I wasn’t the one when I actually was. I told her that she said she was settling for me. And she said she only said that because I made her mad so she snapped, I kept bothering her so she just wanted to push me away, and that she didn’t actually mean it. Now she wants to take everything back but I don’t know if I can believe her. She said she will do anything to prove to me that she’ll be loyal and that this time she will stay. She also said that she hasn’t dated anyone at all since we broke up, so there was no rebound or cheating involved. It was just because she felt like we wouldn’t work out in the long run.
But now, we’re close together, and we have an opportunity to start over and have a wonderful relationship together, the right way. And we had an amazing time together the last few days, we both have intense feelings for each other. I just don’t know if I should take her back after she gave up on me. Let’s say I did take her back, I would always be worried that she’ll do the same thing again. I would have to trust her again. I understand that the relationship was probably doomed to fail, but I never would’ve given up on her in a million years. Maybe women are wired differently. I honestly still have a lot of love for her, and I still want to be with her. But I don’t want to get hurt again. What do you think? Should I give it a chance or am I better off finding someone new?
TL;DR - I'm (24M) torn about getting back with my ex (22F). We had a long-distance relationship, but she broke up with me due to the distance and said some hurtful things. Now that I've moved back to our home country, we've reconnected, and she wants to try again. While the chemistry is still there, I'm unsure if I can trust her after she gave up on us once. Should I give it another shot or move on?

First off: I have asked. But she really is just that busy.
I (30F) have a friend (32F) who is currently working 2 jobs. Her plan for it is essentially "work both jobs until I drop." This is 100% her idea, and she is committed to it. So I'm not really going to try and talk her out of it. She's an adult, and it's her life.
Right now, I'm trying to just do a weekly check in or so. And I do text her about what's happening in my life. She's still supportive and funny- she's just exhausted.
She's also an introvert, whereas I'm highly extroverted.
I've already tried asking her what she might be able to handle, if I were to invite her to something. And while she did respond, it did not contain any indication of what she might be up for.
I don't feel like she's disinterested in our friendship at all. She really is just that exhausted- both her jobs would do that to someone, on their own. Together? Yikes. And because of this and her being introverted, when she has time to herself, it really needs to be by herself.
I'm trying to think of low-energy ways to keep her involved (not the right word, but I can't think what the right word would be).
To be honest, I don't really care if she declines every invitation I give her. I just want to make sure what I'm inviting her to, is something she can handle. For instance, I'm going to a local food festival with a different friend, in a couple weeks; but I know that's sonething that would wipe this friend out, on a good day.
I feel like inviting her to things that are way too much for her, might make her feel alienated or even simply exhausted just thinking about it. And if she's this tired, I definitely don't want to put the onus on her, because that's just more to exhaust her.
So, ladies, what are energy-appropriate activities to invite her too? Even if she can't accept.

i met a girl back in highschool. we can call her Felicia. we were only friends for a year before she graduated in 2015. I graduated in 2016. we sort of parted ways after she graduated. I dated this guy that was part of her friend group. let's call him Shrek. Shrek and I dated about a year and a half, and after graduating we moved in together because my mom fell very ill and was in her laat stages of cancer. me and Shrek were not sexually active due to my depression, especially after my mother passed. he would hang out with Felicia but for some reason I'd never be invited to hang out with them and they would hang out right after he got out of work. I felt a little upset because she and I were friends in highschool. I felt very left out but he would say that he wants to be able to hang out with his friend group without having to bring me me around. I was too lost in my depression of the loss of my mother to really think any deeper about how wrong that situation was. one time I felt the desire to become intimate with him. I missed the connection we had before my mother died. but when I was taking off his pants, I found a foul odor of fishiness in his privates. after this I refused to further out intimacy with him. I asked him to shower and even when he did he still smelled bad. this made me upset and I assumed he was cheating on me with a coworker (I had gone to his store and noticed flirtatious behavior). the next few days I refused to speak to him and I declined any physical touch until one night he attempted to SA me. leaving bruises all over my wrists from him pinning me down. after this event I became suicidal and I did make the attempt. it was failed. I attempted on a day where he forgot his work hat and he happened to find me overdosing on medication. I survived and made it out of the hospital. he and I broke up, naturally. after this he would still try to seel me to work things out but I didn't reciprocate how he wanted. I'd see him posting on his social media hanging out with Felicia and other friends with him adding quotes that mocked me.
fast forward in time I was struggling with homelessness and during this time I reconnected with a guy from this friend group. Let's call him Richard. Richard was close friends with Felicia and therefore I reconnected with her too. we first got in touch at a party. her immediate approach was that Shrek had told her everything about what happened between me and him. that he would always tell her everything that would happen between us, even when he attempted to SA me but that she never reached out because he had told her that I don't like her, of which I've never expressed such a thing. and then she followed up by telling me he tried to SA her as well by trying to force her to give him oral. I felt a bit discomforted by this approach, like she approached me with a trauma bond but again I didn't think much of it. I was homeless during this time because I had ran away from where I was living before. I always had a struggle with a stable living since my mother passed and at some point I moved in with a coworker that would assault me often but I sort of would just let it happen because I developed Stockholm syndrome... I have an active police case there, but I digress.
at some point Felicia offered me to live with her and I took the chance. we roommated about a year and I was always granted. I cleaned the house, cooked, kept up with her mail, watched her son when she'd go out on dates, etc. I wasn't very perfect during this time. I picked up on an alcoholic addiction to cope with a lot of the things I've endured throughout the time between then (2022) and when I lost my mother. the betrayals, the sexual abuse, the homelessness... I would drink alone in my room or any time Richard wanted me to hang out with him and his friends. I hardly hung out with Feliciia unless she was home. her friends never liked me for some reason and I thought maybe it was my drinking that just made me annoying... even though I wouldn't hang out with them nevertheless drink with them.
anyway, I would drink a lot with Richard and his friends. they all were bums and got drunk and did coke and just binge very often and I indulged in that escapism. Richard would often try to grope me when we were drunk and I'd tell him to stop and just would forget about it the next day blaming it on the substances. I confided im Felicia about the situation and she made it seem like he'd take advantage of her too. this upset me and I confronted him about it with her along my side.. I didn't plot it, I just out of the blue mentioned it when I had them together one day. when I did this she became very upset with me and after we all talked it didn't seem like he crossed boundaries with her, but rather it was more about them hooking up. Richard was overly apologetic to me and she was angry because she doesn't like confrontation like that. ultimately the setting was her confessing she keeps him at a distance and that she's scared of him because he's hit her in the past but that he's changed and he's very nice now so it's all been forgiven. for some reason this made me want to forgive him too. like things could be fine if I just didn't give him alone time with me when I'm wasted because he acts weird when he drinks or does coke. but bad idea. I kept indulgimg in alcoholism and one night of blacking out, both Richard and one of his friends fondled me and Richard tried to have a threesome but the other guy didn't want to so nothing happened there and later, while I was visibly incredibly drunk, Felicia and Richard let him take me home. from that night I woke up in pain, bleeding from my privates and in this strange guy's room.
I told Felicia and Richard about what happened and they were more concerned about the friend cheating on his gf than the fact that he basically raped me..which was my focus too. I felt guilty. like it was all my fault. Felicia was pushing me to tell his gf while Richard was pushing me to stay quiet. I stayed silent for a while until I couldn't anymore and finally mesaged the guy's gf. I cut off Richard after this. I came to realize that they weren't my friends and were just waiting any given chance to try and have me.
as time passed I moved out from Felicia's and had my own place and began to reflect. I felt that it was strange that she kept talking to Richard, having him over at her house even though she'd tell me she kept her distance with him for reasons known. but why keep a distance? he basically SA'd me. but I guess it wasn't done to her and he never penetrated me so I felt maybe I was being selfish and overreacting. also, she and I wouldn't hang out. like she always wanted to know everything about me but wouldn't make time to see me and I'd see her hanging out with everyone else. and as time passes I realize that she has nothing good to say about anyone, not even the people she's hang out with. she'd come to me to gossip and talk mess about them. really nothing nice to say... and every now and then she'd show me screen shots of those same people talking bad about me, mocking something I posted online... and I started to wonder like don't they know me and Felicia are close friends? don't they know we were roommates at some point? how are they so comfortable going to her to talk mess about me?
when I started opening my eyes was when she told me about another girl we used to go to school with, which was hosting the party in where I reconnected with Felicia. in this party this girl mentioned how she was so close to Felicia and wishes to hang out again like they used to. anyway, Felicia had came to me with gossip that she found her wasted at a bar and that this girl confessed to Felicia that she was SA'd by one of her dad's friends. during the same window of conversation she was telling me that this girl is insane and just abuses alcohol and posts stupid things on Twitter. that her posts make no sense and makes her look like a crazy shizo. I reverted back to her at the bar and I asked Felicia if this girl was with anyone at the time. like if she was safe. Felicia then said, "idk and honestly idgaf about her." this echoed within me. like, she never explained why they're not friends anymore. all Felicia says is that this girl is crazy and even if they did end in bad terms...to belittle a woman for coping with her traumas this way was so ill to me.. and it made me question everything about her. I stopped talking to Felicia and I reached out to some people to ask about her and they confessed that she was annoyed by me. that I was irresponsible and a drunk. a whore and that I cry about men that don't even want me and she mingled with my ex years ago.
this didn't pierce me as much as I thought it would. but I am shocked by how long this person just didn't want to see me well. I noticed that any time I mentioned progression within my life and me being happy, something in her eyes shadowed envy. I look back now to the last time we hung out in separate worlds. she mentioned marriage with her baby daddy. I was genuinely excited for her because the guy has put her through so much and it sounded like he was doing better. at the time I was in a relationship too and we had also discussed marriage. I told her that since he didn't want to get the wrong ring my partner took me browsing to find out what I like to later surprise me one day and we talked about having kids as well. I was lit up and I said that I'm happy for us to finally get the happiness we've been wanting. I noticed her forcing a smile and shaking while she texted. she then mentioned she had to go, cutting our ice cream date short. her baby daddy came not too long after and they left.
some time later she mentioned that marriage means nothing and that all men cheat and it would be awesome to just be in a home together again. just all girls raising their children in peace (I'm currently expecting). when she said that I felt very ill. and I said no. that's not how things should be.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 247: Subjective Mercy
Dawn was a novelty to Renise.
Not because she was a late riser. On the contrary, she readily woke up before even the alley cats of Reitzlake. And they were nothing if not prompt in securing their territory.
It’s just that any dawn was hard to admire while she was crawling beneath the streets.
That’s not to say she didn’t get to see anything just as glamorous, though. In the sewers beneath the cracked cobblestone of Pennyvale Road and Sipton Corner, she often saw enough stolen gold tucked away to form a sight brighter than any morning.
And once, she even found a die with 20 sides. She thought that was very interesting.
Thus, even as the sun peeked across the horizon, Renise barely paid any attention. Especially as doing so would remind her of exactly how many hours it’d been since she last slept.
But she had no right to complain.
After all–
“Hoooph!”
The guards requisitioned to her service couldn’t.
Even now, their eyes were as wide as when she’d brought them here. And not all of it from shame that a large smuggling operation had taken place upon their doorstep.
They wiped sweat from their brows as they hauled the proceeds of crime from the depths of tunnels, the corners of barns and the hidden hatches found between them. All the while, Renise was there to assist, searching each nook and cranny to ensure that every mug rimmed with cobwebs and filled with pilfered gemstones was recovered.
The result was a sight grander than the pale light stretching across the horizon. A veritable mountain of recovered goods, stacked in semi-organised fashion in the centre of the farmstead.
No fields of wheat grew as of yet. But that didn’t mean there was no golden gleam.
The chests of crowns in Baroness Arisa’s chamber was the mainstay of the haul. A cursory examination placed the amount grand enough to purchase half a castle outright. But Renise knew it wasn’t a castle the baroness had wanted. It was a kingdom–and more.
That’s what the rest of the goods were for.
Sacks and crates unending. Enough grain and foodstuffs to last many winters and more. Had she wished to, the baroness could have sheltered in her hole and sat through whatever calamity she’d wished to trigger. Or she could have used it in lieu of gold when stomachs were empty and hearts were hard, to feed crowds of rioting commoners or the loyalty of wavering soldiers.
A scheme as audacious as it was unlikely. And thus very much devised by nobility.
Renise understood that well.
Just as she understood that nobility rarely allowed themselves to dream of an empire without guarantees in place. And she intended on querying what they were, and who had offered them.
Turning from the mound of gathered items, she made her way over to the girl huddling beside the steps of her stolen and dilapidated manor.
With her knees up, arms wrapped around them and face buried in said arms for good measure, Baroness Arisa Sandholt was less a noblewoman fallen at the final hurdle of a grand scheme and more a girl who had not been told ‘no’ enough times to understand the consequences of her actions.
And there would be many. More than her hands could hope to manage.
After all–
Renise had read Juliette’s judgement.
The former noblewoman approached the girl under guard. She nodded at the tired watchers. And when they left to join their colleagues in taxing their shoulders, she knelt down to look at the kingdom’s most recent shadow of Lady Lucina Tolent.
And what a poor one it was.
Still, Renise grimaced on the baroness’s behalf.
Despite recent events, she held little personal acrimony towards her. Neither smuggling nor treason were new concepts, after all. The scale was grander than what remained of the plots in the royal capital. But this simply meant more bureaucracy. Renise would live. And so would the baroness, should she not recklessly throw away what the princess’s mercy was willing to offer.
Mercy, of course, being subjective.
Still kneeling beside her, Renise attempted to peer past the buried face, almost akin to a teacher with a sulking child.
Then, she sighed.
“Baroness Arisa Sandholt. It is demeaning for you to remain like this. If nothing else, I invite you to sit upon the steps. There’s no need to dirty yourself upon the soil. Particularly as it’ll be some time before we’re finished here.”
Renise waited for an acknowledgement. Or more preferably a finger pointing out the hidden corners she’d doubtless missed.
She received nothing. And so she resigned herself to however many nights it’d require to fully empty out the tunnels.
This, also, was nothing new to her.
“... Uuuuh …”
All of a sudden, a weak, pitiable groan came from the baroness, still unseen behind her knees.
Renise wasn’t certain what to do other than hope for a follow-up. When it didn’t arrive, she instead brushed down her maid’s uniform of any dirt, before promptly undoing it by taking a seat beside the baroness, knees up and thoroughly uncomfortable.
“I notice the grounds are quite extensive,” she said lightly. “An impressive thing you’ve built, for one whose family lineage is pouring ales. May I ask how the career change to smuggling came about?”
No sound met her, other than the huffing of the beleaguered guards as they toiled like farmers beneath the sun.
Renise leaned in to pluck a leaf from the baroness’s hair.
She responded by slowly falling onto her side, still with her face buried around her legs. A perfect imitation of a shrivelled up caterpillar. Renise had a feeling the princess would have commented. She herself kindly chose not to.
For now.
“... Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh …”
Again, a weak groan of despair filled the crisp air alight with the early dawn.
Again, Renise wasn’t sure what the correct response was.
She’d known many members of the nobility to have fallen while clutching themselves in agony, most often after being rejected to a dance. And yet as emotionally damaging as those instances were, they paled in comparison to the distress of having her private gallery revealed to the same princess her portraits consisted of.
But it could have been worse.
She wasn’t sure how. But it could have been.
“Baroness Arisa,” said Renise, attempting to speak with a slightly more scolding tone. “This is far too belittling. Until you have been formally stripped of your title, you are still a member of this kingdom’s nobility–whether or not you wish it. You do yourself little favours by remaining as you are.”
At last, the baroness lifted her face away from her knees. She didn’t raise herself from the ground.
Puffy eyes unused to the unyielding dawn met her. And also cheeks still blotchy with humiliation. And then lips quivering with the strength required to form words.
“... My life is over,” she said, her voice strangled with grief.
“You do not know that, Baroness Arisa.”
The girl shook her head, golden hair flailing upon the dirt.
“My life is over,” she merely repeated, her eyes becoming distant and hollow. “The princess … she saw … all my portraits … it’s all over …”
Renise watched as what dignity remained slowly drained before her.
She decided to put a stop to it before she became a withered slug.
After all, the princess in question still had uses for her.
“Your life isn’t yours to judge,” she said, standing up before the baroness. “But it is the 3rd Princess’s. Would you care to know it?”
Renise unfurled a letter from the pockets only her uniform defied impracticality enough to possess.
The baroness uncurled herself slightly, the better to see the back of the letter. Even so, she made no effort to reach for it.
With a sigh, Renise looked over the neatly written edict and began to read.
To Baroness (Insert Name) Arisa Sandholt,
I would like to extend my gratitude for the paintings donated as badly needed furnishing for Soap Island and its inhabitants. This act of charity has not gone unnoticed.
In order to further develop your talents with a brush, I hereby command that you take up position as artist-in-residence upon Soap Island, where you shall have the freedom of its golden beaches, open air, and time enough to paint to your heart’s desire. As long as the paintings are of me.
Upon creation of a work I judge to be satisfactory, I shall deem your rehabilitation complete.
Please note this is an unpaid residency.
Princess Juliette Contzen.
Renise had filled in the bit with the missing name.
For a moment, she did nothing but wait for the baroness’s response. It was slow to come. But when it did, it was with both hands raised to her mouth, unable to hide the despair which came from it.
Indeed, it was a sentence which offered little hope of release.
The stipulation of release was both poetic and severe. For the only way the baroness could ever hope to create a sufficient painting was to first remove her pride and her malice. To be commanded to do what she previously did in twisted animosity would surely result in nothing but empty canvases from this moment on, such was the egoism of nobility.
But there was more to this than meets the eye.
Indeed … Renise had no doubt about the princess’s intentions.
The stipulation for a work to be judged as satisfactory was merely a ruse. The day the baroness realised the error of her ways and painted a single portrait, Renise had no doubt it would be accepted as proof of her atonement.
Such subtlety, doubtless woven from all her days at the royal court … Renise could only acknowledge it with envy–as could the baroness, who only now slowly sat up upon the dirt.
Except there was one problem.
“The princess … wishes for me to paint her?”
Her voice came out as barely a squeak, still covered by her hands, and yet those grey eyes were as wide as the very sun now cresting the horizon.
“She does, yes,” answered Renise, hearing the caution in her own voice.
A moment of silence passed between them.
The baroness reached up for the letter. Renise offered it, then waited as the girl’s eyes ran across the words, barely pausing at the scribbled amendment to her name at the top.
“The princess … she extends her gratitude for what I have painted.”
“So she does.”
“She wishes for them to be used as decoration.”
Renise slowly nodded.
In truth, she was still extremely unsure about the entire matter of what … Soap Island was. But the princess had been insistent that the existing paintings be sent there.
“That is correct … yes.”
Renise said nothing more.
Ordinarily, she would be wishing the girl a heartfelt plea to understand the mercy shown to her. And to hope that in time, she would come to understand the folly of her pride. Particularly as the baroness’s hands began to shake, crumpling the letter.
Ordinarily.
Because those hands were not shaking with clear resentment.
“This letter … is for me.”
Renise pursed her lips.
“Yes, it is.”
“I … I thought she would exile me … or merely forget again I existed the moment her back was turned.”
“Your crimes are not so little that she could allow you to be.”
“Indeed … she acknowledges me. My talents. She … She wishes for an even finer portrait.”
A moment later–
The baroness brought the letter close to her … and tightly held it against chest as her lips quivered into a zany smile. The puffiness upon her cheeks vanished, replaced only with a shine as radiant as the sun.
And then, her eyes grew hazy as she stared into the distance at the back of one who had long since left.
Yes.
The princess had made a grave error.
This baroness … would not hesitate to paint more of her.
She would not hesitate to paint until she’d created a portrait so fine that it could match the Plafond De Dix Mille Cygnes painted upon the vestibule of the Reitzlake Cathedral. Renise knew this with as much certainty in her heart as the effort it would take to forget this conversation ever occurred.
But she could not do so yet.
Not while she still had questions to ask. And none regarding the preoccupation with the princess.
The baroness had not acted alone. There were those who helped to pry open both her purse strings and her mind to this misadventure.
Renise expected few helpful answers.
The baroness may have dreamt of an empire. But she was a pawn upon a board where another was already lined to take her place. And those who played at intrigue and lived beyond a night were not known for idle gossip.
A trying task.
Although Rose House was named in opposition to the lotuses from the east, she knew full well that she possessed no thorn which could hope to prick the shadows so heavy that they stifled all who sought to grow against them.
Until now, that is.
Renise would not allow the princess’s charity to go to waste.
There was much she had to do before the two paramount smugglers of the kingdom could be offered a stay of execution. A conversation with the Crown Prince being one of them. But it would involve no pleading tears. Only words as cold as the iron her parents were currently shackled to.
But first things first.
She could not return while any tasks lay unfinished. That would be an indictment against all of them.
“Ahem … Baroness Arisa, I’ve matters of importance to discuss with you before you are sent to perform the princess’s wishes. And should you desire her added gratitude, you would do well to answer them.”
The baroness ceased hugging her letter. Broken from her temporary stupor, the smile slowly faded from her lips as she looked up.
And then continued to look up.
Because as the light cresting Renise’s shoulders became cold, and the joy of spring which played upon the ends of her hair faded and died, all which could be seen of the baroness was her faraway eyes as she stared tellingly at the dimming horizon.
In that moment, whatever questions Renise had were all shortly replaced by a single one.
“… Why is it suddenly so dark?”
She turned around.
And then she paled … as she witnessed the dawn being ushered from the sky.
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I’m at a crossroads right now, my head is telling me no but my heart is telling me yes. The story is a bit complicated so I will do my best to explain our relationship so you can understand the full picture.
I’ll start with the way we initially got together. We come from the same country ethnically, but I lived my whole life abroad. When I was 17 I met her in my home country while I was visiting for the summer. We only spent one day together at a family gathering, she was a friend of a friend. Well since that day we became good friends and we started texting for years. Eventually I felt romantic interest in her but she declined because she wasn’t interested at the time. This was 6-7 years ago. Since then we didn’t talk as much. Then about 3 years ago during the summer, I was visiting again and we crossed paths again. It had been like 4 years since we last talked. We had a great conversation and it was as if we never stopped talking. We had extremely good chemistry and we both felt a spark. After that I knew she had interest in me, we kept texting and she sent me a really long paragraph about how she caught feelings for me and she regrets rejecting me in the past, and how she would really love it if I gave her another chance to get to know each other romantically. I felt the same way about her so I decided to give it a shot. Keep in mind I only saw her in person that one time, I left back to my country after just two days. But we were both willing to do long distance because we were extremely attracted to each other and we saw a future together.
So our entire relationship was basically long distance, all of it was over the phone. But our relationship escalated very quickly, she told me it happened like it was straight out of a movie. Eventually she was telling me things like I’m the one and she wants to marry me and she’s never been this sure of anything in her entire life. I felt the same way. It was one of those things where “when you know you know”. I had already know her previously and her personality. Anyways, we didn’t really have a plan to close the distance, but we were willing to stick it out until I could move to her. It would’ve taken 2-3 years. But of course we had to meet each other first and date in person. After a whole year of dating, we planned a trip together to Italy so we could finally spend time with each other for the first time. We waited a long time for this moment. I thought the trip went great and that it solidified our relationship, she told me she had a great time and that the chemistry was still there in person.
Well a few months after that trip, which was last January, she broke up with me. She basically said she couldn’t do the distance anymore even though she thought she could. And that she wasn’t able to see me only once a year, and keep saying “one day” without an actual plan. Which is completely understandable, I don’t blame her at all. It was probably doomed to fail because of that. But afterwards, I was so heartbroken by the breakup that I reacted very emotionally. I wrote her a long letter explaining my feelings and how I couldn’t understand why she would give up after all the promises. Now I completely understand, but at the time I didn’t because I was blinded by my own feelings. I kept pushing her and bothering her for more answers, and eventually she snapped at me. She said a lot of things that were hurtful and disrespectful. She said that she was forcing herself to be comfortable with me on the trip, that it wasn’t the type of comfort it should be with the one, she said that the distance wouldn’t have mattered if it was the right person (which contradicts her previous excuse about distance), she also said that she just didn’t love me anymore, and she didn’t want to settle for someone she has to learn to love, she wants to find a love that comes naturally to her. She also said that she might’ve just loved the idea of me because it felt different on the trip. And that if we had a base together, maybe it would’ve worked. But we never got to know each other physically, we got into a committed relationship for a year without ever seeing each other in person.
So basically, her initial reason was the distance, but after she snapped at me she said that it was because she didn’t love me and that I’m not the right person for her. Even though she believed with all her heart that I was the right person during the relationship. So maybe it was a combination of both reasons, I don’t know. Maybe the extreme distance led her to lose feelings and realize I’m not the right guy for her. Anyways, we ended it in January and we went no contact since then. Not a single text. I was extremely heartbroken for months and very hurt at the things she said to me. I couldn’t understand how she moved on so quickly and discarded me from her life. As if I never meant anything to her. We were planning our future together.
I just want to add that now 4 months after the breakup I completely understand her. I understand why she felt uncomfortable with me. We met each other for one day and then spent an entire year talking over the phone and got into a committed relationship. We never had the opportunity to get to know each other physically. In a normal relationship you would spend time together in person and THEN decide to commit. So over the course of a year we built up an idealized version of each other in our heads. When we met on the vacation, physically we were strangers. I’ll admit, I felt a bit uncomfortable too, and it felt a bit weird, but after a few days I did feel comfortable with her. I figured it was normal since we have to get used to each other. But I was willing to look past it because I loved her. And she is definitely the type of woman that needs to spend a long time with someone before feeling comfortable being intimate with them. Also, it was her first serious relationship and she’d never even had her first kiss before. She’s a very reserved and shy girl. Maybe I rushed things by trying to kiss her too soon, I should’ve went way slower and just focused on getting comfortable with each other. On top of all that, we were also in a strange environment that we’ve never been to before (Italy), with a person that is a stranger physically. Yes we talked for an entire year but physically we were strangers. We spent a year in a committed (digital) relationship, so by the time we met, there was all this expectation built up of how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to immediately behave as committed couples do. When in reality, what we probably should’ve done was get to know each other first. we should’ve probably just talked for a year without actually committing, and then decide if we want to be together after we actually meet. But since we both rushed into it, there was a lot of expectation. So overall it completely makes sense that we were uncomfortable because we never had a base to build off of.
Now it’s been about 4 months since the break up with no contact. A turn of events happened in my life and I ended up moving to my country this month, much sooner than I expected, for a work opportunity. It’s the same country where my ex lives. I wasn’t planning to move there for another 2-3 years, but it just so happened that I ended up moving back just 4 months after we broke up. As soon as I settled in, my ex reached out to me telling me that she heard I moved back to this country. We talked for a bit and we ended up meeting up so we could catch up with each other. She picked me up and we went for a drive, with no expectations to rekindle anything, just to have fun together. And we actually had an amazing time. A short drive turned into a whole day spent with her. We talked, we laughed, and I felt the same chemistry and spark that I felt when we first met. We hung out the next day, and the next day, then on the 4th day, she ended up telling me that she realized she still has feelings for me and wants to get back together. This time, it would be different because we are actually in the same country, there’s no more long distance.
I told her I needed to think about it, and now I’m here typing this. I don’t know if I should take her back or not, mainly because of the things she said to me during the break up. Yes, distance may have played a role in her losing feelings, and I give her the benefit of the doubt. But I can’t forget the things she said to me when she snapped. She told me HERSELF that she just didn’t love me, and that the distance wouldn’t have mattered with the right person. She made the decision to completely give up on me. She moved on so quickly and was completely fine without me in her life. When she broke up she had it in her mind that she wanted to find someone better. How can I forgive that? I tell myself, all of this happened because we could never be close, we never got to start the relationship the proper way. But I also tell myself, if she was the right person, would she have given up on me? I know that “the one” isn’t some magical feeling you only get with one person, and that circumstances sometimes cause relationships to not work out. But even under all these circumstances, maybe the right person would’ve stayed? Maybe the right person would’ve felt comfortable with me on the trip. Just because we now have a chance to be together now in close proximity, does that mean I should do it? Do I want someone that would only decide to love me if I am close to them? I don’t know if I am being reasonable by questioning these things. Maybe she is the right person but circumstances actually couldn’t let us be together until now. I can’t tell if I should say no because I should find someone that would stick with me through anything, I don’t even know if that person exists. I don’t know if anyone would be able to handle the relationship we had, so maybe it’s unfair to blame her for giving up on me.
I told her all these things and she gave me a huge apology and said she was wrong. She explained why she felt uncomfortable and why she felt like she lost feelings, and it was basically everything I explained before. But she said now she realized she was wrong and that she is comfortable with me and that she made a huge mistake. She said she confused her feelings and thought that I wasn’t the one when I actually was. I told her that she said she was settling for me. And she said she only said that because I made her mad so she snapped, I kept bothering her so she just wanted to push me away, and that she didn’t actually mean it. Now she wants to take everything back but I don’t know if I can believe her. She said she will do anything to prove to me that she’ll be loyal and that this time she will stay. She also said that she hasn’t dated anyone at all since we broke up, so there was no rebound or cheating involved. It was just because she felt like we wouldn’t work out in the long run.
But now, we’re close together, and we have an opportunity to start over and have a wonderful relationship together, the right way. And we had an amazing time together the last few days, we both have intense feelings for each other. I just don’t know if I should take her back after she gave up on me. Let’s say I did take her back, I would always be worried that she’ll do the same thing again. I would have to trust her again. I understand that the relationship was probably doomed to fail, but I never would’ve given up on her in a million years. Maybe women are wired differently. I honestly still have a lot of love for her, and I still want to be with her. But I don’t want to get hurt again. What do you think? Should I give it a chance or am I better off finding someone new?
TL;DR - I'm (24M) torn about getting back with my ex (22F). We had a long-distance relationship, but she broke up with me due to the distance and said some hurtful things. Now that I've moved back to our home country, we've reconnected, and she wants to try again. While the chemistry is still there, I'm unsure if I can trust her after she gave up on us once. Should I give it another shot or move on?

Washington Post article said investors want lawmakers to have to disclose their stock market trades, that way average Americans can follow the money and what they know. Article below:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/06/01/congress-stock-trading-trackers-pelosi/
Members of Congress hear a lot of secrets: classified briefings, confidential previews of pending legislation and the private opinions of constituents, regulators, corporate executives and world leaders.
Watchdog groups have long believed that some lawmakers use that information to make money in the stock market. Now a loose alliance of traders, analysts and advocates is trying to let Americans mimic the trades elected officials make, offering tongue-in-cheek financial products — including one named for former House speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and another that refers to Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) — that track purchases and sales after lawmakers disclose them.
Collectively, these investment vehicles have attracted hundreds of millions of dollars. At times, congressional investigators have used them to keep tabs on suspicious trading activity, according to people familiar with these investigations who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they are not authorized to speak to the media.
“Our mission isn’t to make everyone millionaires — it’s actually to highlight the hypocrisy of congressional trading in an effort to bring more transparency and trust back into our government,” said Christopher Josephs, the founder of Autopilot, an app that allows ordinary investors to mimic the trades of leading politicians, top hedge funders and other famous traders. “Hopefully it’s helping, but our slogan is, if you can’t beat them, join them.”
Members of Congress are permitted to trade on the markets, but a 2012 law, the Stock Act, clarified insider trading restrictions for lawmakers and ramped up reporting requirements. Lawmakers are banned from trading based on material and nonpublic information they learn through their jobs and have 45 days to disclose any trades they or their immediate family members make.
Because the trackers rely on lawmakers’ legally mandated (and delayed) disclosures, they don’t allow the average American to make identical, same-day trades.
Those delays likely cut into users’ returns. That’s not the point, tracker boosters say. Their goal is to shine a light on congressional stock trading.
But the rise of these platforms is an alarming sign of distrust constituents have for their elected representatives, said Delaney Marsco, the director of ethics at the Campaign Legal Center, a nonpartisan government watchdog group.
“A lot more people than we would like” believe lawmakers use information gained from their positions to “make significant gains to their stock portfolios,” Marsco said. “That’s incredibly damaging to the public’s trust.”

A whole new product category

The push to allow ordinary investors to mimic lawmakers’ stock trading began in 2019, when an anonymous social media account called Unusual Whales began publishing reports analyzing politicians’ financial disclosures.
The account spotlighted trades it deemed suspicious, including some lawmakers’ decisions to sell large portions of their portfolios as the coronavirus spread across the globe.
Around the same time, James Kardatzke, an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, started scraping up congressional data. In 2020, he launched one of the first websites that tracked trades disclosed by Pelosi, whose venture capitalist husband, Paul, is a successful investor. (The former speaker has long maintained that she does not personally own any stock and has no knowledge of or involvement with her husband’s investments.)
Quiver Quantitative, the company Kardatzke co-founded that year with his twin brother, Chris, offers a data platform that highlights congressional trades and potential conflicts of interest, including lawmakers’ corporate donors, proposed legislation and net worth.
Josephs’s Autopilot originated as a social investment app called Iris that aimed to make it easier for ordinary investors to mimic their friends’ trades. But after copying famous investors’ trades proved more popular, the company pivoted.
According to Josephs, investors have so far routed some $130 million through Autopilot — $60 million of which has gone toward copying Pelosi, whose portfolio ranks as one of the app’s most popular, alongside Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffett.
The Autopilot portfolio that mimics trades disclosed by Pelosi posted a 45 percent gain in 2023, above the S&P 500’s 24 percent gain that year.
Quiver and Autopilot allow ordinary investors to follow lawmakers’ trades and copy them if they choose. But last year, Christian Cooper, a derivatives trader and portfolio manager at Subversive Capital Advisor, partnered with Unusual Whales to launch products to make the process even simpler.
They launched two exchange-traded funds, or ETFs — investment funds that trade like stocks — that allow everyday investors to mimic lawmakers’ investment strategies. Unusual Whales Subversive Democratic ETF (NANC) and the Unusual Whales Subversive Republican ETF (KRUZ) — whose tickers nod to Pelosi and Cruz, a member who is not a prolific stock trader but has high name recognition — hit the market in February 2023.
NANC, which invests in stocks purchased by Democratic members of Congress, outperformed the overall U.S. stock market from its inception through April 30 of this year, according to an independent analysis by Elisabeth Kashner, director of global funds research and analytics at FactSet, a financial data and technology company. KRUZ, which invests in stocks purchased by Republican members, hasn’t done as well, underperforming the overall market. KRUZ ended April with $16 million of assets versus NANC’s $78 million. But Kashner argues that those outcomes should come with a caveat.
“While NANC’s run-up has been impressive, it’s statistically insignificant, meaning that there’s a decent chance that the outperformance to date has been random,” Kashner said. “Ditto for KRUZ’s underperformance.”

A push for further change

The trackers have proved popular. But without quicker, more up-to-the-minute disclosures, investors won’t ever be able to perfectly copy lawmakers’ trades — and anti-corruption advocates will have a harder time pinning down whether a trade was problematic, James Kardatzke said.
Because of this, some members of Congress have come to believe that the decade-old Stock Act is insufficient to restore Americans’ trust that lawmakers aren’t using their access to information for profit.
The penalties for those who violate the law are minimal: Members who are late to disclose stock activity, or sales and purchases of cryptocurrencies, generally face a $200 fine prescribed by the Stock Act. Rep. Pat Fallon (R-Tex.), who failed to disclose 122 transactions valued between $9 million and $21 million in 2021 in a timely manner, paid $600 in late filing fees and corrected the record though he refused to cooperate with the review conducted by the Office of Congressional Ethics.
More problematic, in the view of ethics watchdogs and people familiar with the ethics process in Congress, is that enforcement of the Stock Act lacks teeth and relies entirely on self-reporting.
“There does not seem to be much evidence of the Stock Act being violated, but on the other hand, anyone who truly wanted to violate the Stock Act with any degree of sophistication would be able to do it simply by not reporting it on your financial disclosures,” said a person involved with ethics investigations in Congress who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a sensitive and ongoing matter.
An effort to ban lawmakers and their families from owning individual stocks stalled out after Pelosi declined to bring a bipartisan change proposal to the floor at the end of her House speakership in 2022, claiming that she didn’t have the votes to pass it.
“It’s already hard for many members to raise a family and maintain homes in two cities on their salaries,” a senior congressional aide explained of member opposition to a ban, speaking on the condition of anonymity to talk candidly. “If you make it impossible for a member’s spouse to take a job that includes stock-based compensation, that is another burden that can drive talented people away from public service.”
That has not deterred a string of unusual pairings of politicians, including Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) in the House and Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) and Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) in the Senate, from introducing bills that would place stricter limits on congressional trading.
Rep. Abigail Spanberger (D-Va.), who is leaving Congress in January to run for governor, has been working closely with Rep. Chip Roy (R-Tex.) on another bill, the Trust in Congress Act, which would require members, their spouses and dependent children to put certain investment assets into a blind trust during their term.
Spanberger and Roy are strategizing how best to advance the bill and have discussed the possibility of trying to force a vote on the House floor before the end of this Congress.
“Transparency has created more questions than answers,” Spanberger said, referring to disclosures mandated by the Stock Act. “So now we have a situation where it actually looks like maybe there’s bad behavior when maybe there isn’t — or maybe there is.”
Interest in the bill ebbs and flows “based on the bad or quizzical behavior of our colleagues,” Spanberger said.
Banning lawmakers from owning stock is popular: Eighty percent of voters support a ban on stock ownership by members of Congress, the president, vice president, Supreme Court justices and their families, a poll released last year by the University of Maryland’s Program for Public Consultation found.
“There’s no reason we can’t address it,” Roy said in an interview. “It’s not going to be partisan. It’ll be split, and there will be Republicans who are for or against it and Democrats for it or against it.”
Spanberger lobbied House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.), the rare member who disclosed no assets in his most recent financial disclosure report, to address the issue at the start of his speakership.
Johnson did not respond to a request for comment. “Mike understands that there’s a problem,” Roy said. “We’re just trying to work through on a bipartisan basis how we can address it.”

Insider-ish trading

Under current law, members rarely pay a real price for trading-related scandals.
The Office of Congressional Ethics concluded in 2021 that there was “substantial reason to believe” that the wife of Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.) used nonpublic information obtained through her husband’s official duties to purchase stock in an Ohio steelmaker. OCE investigators found that Victoria Kelly purchased stock in Cleveland-Cliffs a day after her husband learned that Donald Trump’s Department of Commerce was set to grant trade protections to the company.
Then-Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross informed the Cleveland-Cliffs CEO on April 28, 2020, that the department’s actions would potentially help his company, prompting Cleveland-Cliffs to keep its operations in Mike Kelly’s district open. On April 29, Victoria Kelly made her first individual stock purchase in almost a year, buying between $15,001 and $50,000 in Cleveland-Cliffs stock.
But three years after the ethics office referred what some legal experts deemed a “textbook” case of trading off nonpublic information to the House Ethics Committee — the entity with the power to hold a lawmaker accountable for wrongdoing — the committee has yet to issue a determination as to whether a violation occurred. Tom Rust, the chief counsel and staff director of the committee, declined to comment on the status of the investigation. Mike Kelly’s office did not respond to a request for comment.
In a hyperpartisan environment with threadbare majorities in both chambers, the members of the House Ethics Committee have little incentive to hold other members accountable. The Senate faces even less pressure to investigate its members: It lacks an independent ethics enforcement body like the Office of Congressional Ethics, which has jurisdiction only over the House.
The Senate Ethics Committee has not issued a disciplinary sanction against a senator in over 15 years, even after a stock-trading scandal roiled the upper chamber. Sens. Richard Burr (R-N.C.), Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), James M. Inhofe (R-Okla.) and Kelly Loeffler (R-Ga.) came under scrutiny at the start of 2020 after they dumped vast stock holdings ahead of the coronavirus-induced market plunge. Neither the Senate Ethics Committee nor the Justice Department, whose investigators launched probes into the stock sales, pursued charges.
The “clear exoneration by the Department of Justice affirms what Sen. Loeffler has said all along — she did nothing wrong,” a spokesperson for Loeffler said at the conclusion of the investigation, adding that “she and her husband acted entirely appropriately and observed both the letter and the spirit of the law.”
But ethics experts have argued that the problem with lawmakers’ stock trading habits goes beyond the legal issue of insider trading, noting that even the appearance of improper trading can damage the public’s already record-low trust in lawmakers and government.
Members of Congress might not clear the high legal bar for insider trading, which would require making a trade based on material, nonpublic information. But they might still trade on information that the rest of the public doesn’t have meaningful access to, said Marsco of the Campaign Legal Center.
Some members routinely engage in trades that critics see as posing actual or potential conflicts with their committee assignments, where members often are privy to nonpublic — or even classified, sensitive, privileged or otherwise restricted — information. And some have gotten a lot richer — in part due to the gains made through the stock market — during their time in office.
Several trackers have noted that Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) has in recent months disclosed trades of companies that have business before the committees he sits on. Mullin’s net worth has increased from roughly $5.9 million when he was elected to Congress in 2012 to an estimated $63.66 million today.
But Mullin’s case highlights the complexity of the issue. “Over 2 years ago, Sen. Mullin sold several of his companies,” a spokesperson for Mullin wrote in an email. “Any attempts to link an increase in net worth purely to investments outcomes, which are independently managed by a third-party operator, are completely inaccurate.”
Ideally, Mullin and other members of Congress who own stocks would put them in a blind trust, said Kedric Payne, former deputy chief counsel of the Office of Congressional Ethics, who now serves as the vice president of the Campaign Legal Center.
“That way, there’s no way for you to direct your broker to sell that defense contractor stock because you don’t even know you own it,” Payne said.
But the public’s perception of members’ conflicts of interest is the most important issue, Payne added.
“We are now at a new level where the members no longer have to be insider traders to profit — we are at a point where merely publishing what trades a member buys means the price of that stock goes up because other people are following their lead,” he said. “You have a problem that’s very hard to erase.”