The Injustice Initiative and Megaverse Council did not grieve with their former leader for too long, due to the combined forces of Venessa and Velocity making swift progress in uniting dozens of Omniverses under their heroic banner. Velocity used her direct and demanding demeanor to influence the defenders of each Omniverse to join the Council and was brutally honest in her meetings with the current situation. She stressed that if they refuse to join then they will face extinction and the Council will not help them when they are attacked due to them only having priorities for attacking the demons head on. Venessa on the other hand focused her attention in strengthening the Injustice Initiative with rigorous training and firing incompetent people in leadership positions and swiftly replacing them with those that were far more competent and understood the severity of the situation. In the span of 16 days, the combined efforts of these two feminine leaders made great leaps in progress that equaled or surpassed Diamond's own work in the past three months.
While these two were on a mission together, The Researcher contacted them regarding a very important matter. When the two heroines arrived at the Council's headquarters The Researcher revealed to them two enormous discoveries. "We finally found them. The place where our foes call home, Omniverse 6,666,666. We do not know much of this Omniverse other than the Diamond from Omniverse 8 being aware of its potential and became paranoid of its existence leading him nearly wiping all traces of it from the Council's database. I happen to uncover the last fragments of his report that failed to be deleted. Furthermore, the Core of that Omniverse is deeply fractured, completely drained of all power. We can deduce with sound reasoning that the landscape of that Omniverse is something out of an apocalypse with everything that could have gone wrong, definitely went wrong. In addition, it is a very wide and vast Omniverse similar to the Main Omniverse. In fact, before its current miserable state, it was a near copy of the Main Omniverse. We are trying to scout and analyze the area as best as we can, but it is blocking all of our scanners. Our supernatural sensors can barely last four seconds before frying when they sense the amount of dark negative energy that shrouds that Omniverse." Velocity, "And the other news?" "We also found a very promising Omniverse that was elusive to our map, but just appeared and is surging with radiant energy from the Light." Venessa abruptly, "Light? Like The Light......... not just colorful lights?" "Correct. Would you care to guess what this Omniverse's number is?" "I would assume it would be the polar opposite of the other, so Omniverse 7,777,777?" "Bingo. Apparently, they have a hierarchy over there and their King requests your presence. His words not mine were King Alexander humbly requests the presence of Empress Venessa of the Main Omniverse and any companions she wishes to bring for a formal meeting in regards to the future protection of the Megaverse."
"Alright, message King Alexander and tell him I will adhere to his request. She accessed her communication com and ordered Tray and Cross to join her on the mission. She then turned to Velocity. I would have you join me on this mission, but I do not want to delay the progress you are making in convincing more Omniverses to join our cause." A short time passed as the three members arrived for their briefing with Venessa. After their meeting, they used their watches and traveled to Omniverse 7,777,777. Their eyes were blinded by the bright rays of the sun, before they could tell where they were at. At last, their eyes adjusted to their environment, which resulted in them being astonished at the shining city that was before them. They observed trains similar to bullet trains zipping back and forth through wind tubes and the residents there in very intricate clothing. The residents either had high collar jackets, dazzling shirts, and most importantly, Venessa could sense all of them having unusual levels of the Light inside of them. A loud voice could be heard behind them. "Are these the people who the King wishes to speak with?" The group turns around and sees two men standing a few feet behind them. One appears six foot and a few inches, he did not wear a shirt but was surrounded with gold and red armor, a long red cape, black pants, and long flowing blonde hair. The other was a little shorter around five feet and possibly 11 inches with black and purple hair, a black and purple cape, purple pants, and purple armor in the exact areas as the first man. The second one responded to his companion in a soft-spoken manner,"Yes, these are the three we were assigned to escort back to the castle." Venessa, "Hey, are you two like siblings or something? You two kind of look alike." The purple one, "That assumption is correct. I am Lucrest and this is my older obnoxious brother Leoped." Leoped, "We are two in a handful of select individuals, who serve the King by carrying out special assignments and investigations." Lucrest, "If you will please follow us, the King is eager to greet you."
The three heroes followed the two guards to the castle, during their walk Venessa teased her sibling, Tray. "It appears those two brothers have larger swords than you. I think they are far superior swordsmen if they can handle large blades like that. It fails to even compare your toothpick of a sword." "Shush! I don't want to hear it. I choose elegance and gracefulness over something flashy." The group finally reached the castle as several guards in colorful shining full body armor saluted the group as they stepped inside the large white crystal doors of the castle. Leoped and Lucrest led the trio right towards the throne room; no sooner than when the doors opened, King Alexander leaped from his throne and welcomed his guests. The King's outfit was composed of expensive black cloth with silver and blue crystals creating his unique armor with gold outlining around the edges and his crown. His hair was white as snow with a cape flowing from his waist with two metallic angelic wings attached to his back. He appeared as someone who was no older than their early 20's, much less muscular than Leoped, while possessing a staggering height of 6,7. "Greetings Empress Venessa, first adopted child of Diamond! A pleasure to finally meet you. Greetings to you Tray, second adopted child of Diamond! And a very warm welcome to Cross, the last member and headmaster of the Royal Guard!" Cross' attitude changed from being standoffish to one of utter shock. No one has addressed him as headmaster since the days of the Clone War. Tray whispered to Venessa, "Headmaster of the Royal Guard? I never knew that about Cross." "Yes, many years in Cross' realm he was headmaster of the Royal Guard, an elite group of warriors who protected his realm from malevolent threats under the orders of a man named the Keeper. This was brought to an end when.........Alastor manipulated him to massacre all of his fellow friends and the Keeper towards the end of the Clone War, mere days before order Kingdom Come was initiated."
King Alexander, "Empress Venessa please accept these gifts as a sign of good will. He signaled for four servants to step forward with bundles of technology and scrolls. The Alphaverse is more than ready to work closely alongside the Megaverse Council to defeat the fallen angels and corrupted souls of the Demonic Council! Please follow me to our war chambers." King Alexander led the heroes down several steps to a room that was protected by several guards. They were granted access and upon entering, the heroes were stunned to see holographic displays of plans and projects that were scattered as two male figures were debating with a female. The figures turned to the doors and quickly turned off the scattered plans and pulled up a file that said, "Propositions and explanation for the Megaverse Council." One unique hologram Venessa saw before it disappeared was a hologram of the Matrix of Eternity with a subject line under it labeled "Restore the Matrix to its former power?" As Venessa was deep in thought, King Alexander spoke to his guests who the other three figures were, "The lanky one with grey hair and a gas mask is our lead chemist, Lorenzo. The other one with him with the crimson operator hat, black and red hair, and basically black and red from his natural wings to his armor adored with many medals is our head of homeland security, Viciate. Last but not least is our lead scientist of technology, and weapons, whose brilliance I cannot put into words, Malissia." Malissia had medium length jet black hair that only left her left eye visible, yet it appeared she had unique facial marks that were long black lines leading up to her eyelids. She wore a long black coat that went just above her ankles with boots in the shape of heels. Nearly everything she wore was black except her shirt which was white with print that resembles computer chips. Malissia, "I prefer to go by M." Tray in a playful manner, "A little gothic in your appearance compared to everyone we've seen today!" "Simply a matter of taste and perception." Tray then noticed Malissia had white irises as the rest of her eyes were black, which created a sense of mystery behind them.
Lorenzo, "The disgraced Royal Guard is here......." King Alexander disappointingly, "Lorenzo......we talked about this." Venessa, "Hey what was that project regarding the Matrix of Eternity about? How would any of you be able to reload it?" King Alexander, "We have the source that originally fueled the Matrix. We were the ones who originally created it." Cross and Tray were shocked to hear such a revelation. Was the king bluffing or legitimately telling the truth? Malissia, "The reason you saw so many other projects scattered was due to these two knuckleheads trying to push these loose ideas my way, knowing full well we had a meeting today." Viciate, "Then Lorenzo and I should be going." Viciate and Lorenzo leave the room as King Alexander and Malissia start speaking with Venessa, Tray, and Cross. Lorenzo and Viciate journeyed far from the castle's boundaries and into the outskirts of the gorgeous city into a dark alleyway where a female was waiting for them. "Have you two finally reached a decision?" Lorenzo, "Yes, we have, Paradox." Paradox in a feminine form smiled while twirling their hair, with a snap of their fingers a contract appeared before Lorenzo and Viciate. "Both of you sign there. Viciate tried to sign with a pen, but Paradox stopped him. Nuh uh uh, in blood!" Viciate pulled a dagger and cut a piece of flesh off him and Lorenzo as they signed the contract that bonded them to Black Hat. See that wasn't so hard. Now I sense you have something to tell me?" Viciate, "The Empress, playboy, and ex-harbinger of darkness are here. They learned of the plans to restore the Matrix of Eternity." A sadistic smile appeared on Paradox's face, "Wonderful! Wonderful! Things could not be better! With your help we can kill those three now and you two will rule this Omniverse as the new kings only in service to Black Hat and the Council. Let them retrieve the remains of the Matrix, and we can either strike before or after they restore the Matrix, then steal it and place it within the treasury with the other dangerous objects that could pose a threat to our reign. Run along now and continue to play your parts like good little errand boys." Paradox gave them a wink. Lorenzo, "Freak! When it comes to your services, we work with you, not for you!" The two then leave as Paradox continues to smile in the shadows.
Back in the war chamber. Venessa, "Impressive. All that you are proposing will greatly benefit us. I can see your offers are sincere, but I must ask, why it took you this long to reveal yourselves?" King Alexander, "That is........simply because of an old law......that had been in effect for thousands of years. I wanted to honor my father and his father, but eventually my consciousness allowed me to overturn that old silly law." Loud footsteps could be running through the halls as a young teenage girl open the doors to the room with pieces of paper in her arms. She began to speak clearly out of breath, "I'm here sister. The documents you wanted." Mallisa, "A few minutes late like usual, Joan." "It's not my fault, military class went on longer than normal! Gosh, how many times do I have to tell you I hate it that mom and dad forced me to become a soldier!" "Everyone, this is my younger sister, Joan. Joan this is Empress Venessa and her two colleagues, Tray and Cross." Everyone exchanged friendly greetings except for Tray who stared at Joan. There was something about Joan that captivated him, it was either the childish way she speaks or the fact she had navy hair like he did. Instead of a handshake, he wrapped both his hands around hers and knelt down, "My fair lady, it is with great honor to meet you. I pray that you will accept my greeting as one of humbleness and may good health and prosperity follow you all the days of your life, my dearest madam." Everyone in the room stared dumbfounded at Tray's speech. Cross, "Where the crap did that come from Shakespeare?" Joan stood there blushing as she stuttered while addressing Tray, "Th....thank y...yo.....you." King Alexander, "Well this meeting is nearing its end, so why don't Tray and Joan spend some time with each other while the rest of us handle the closing logistics?" Mallisa, "WHAT THE?" "Alright it's settled then. Tray and Joan, you two are dismissed."
Joan and Tray stared at each other before she offered Tray some lunch, which he readily agreed to. Alexander turned back to Venessa, "Venessa, if you don't mind, I will like you and your party to stay here the next four days. The first two can be used to handle business regarding our technology and battle tactics as I introduce you to our greatest soldiers, warriors, and fighters. The last two days can be a sort of mini vacation." "Well..........I don't think such an offer will hurt. You have yourself a deal King Alexander!" At lunch Tray and Joan were deep in conversation. Tray, "You look much different than your sister. Your eyes are normal, you are much more cheerful, and just overall livelier." "My sister takes all the stress and responsibilities of the family upon her. That and her role in the kingdom just adds more stress to her. As for her eyes and facial markings, those came when she felt called to the Spring of Restoration." "What now?" "The Spring of Restoration grants those worthy unique properties or powers. Only a select few experience a change from the spring. It is not heavily protected because the spring prevents anyone unworthy from stepping foot in its waters." "Radical." "Mhm!" "So, I heard you fighting with your sister about you hating being trained as a soldier. Why is that?" "It freaking sucks! My parents do not want me to be an astronomer or engineer! They want me to become a Celestial Crusader. On top of that, I don't even get to choose what I want to do or what I want to eat a majority of the time! Eating lunch with you right now is a rare occurrence." "Have you brought your problems to the king?" "Yes, but I don't know if he is hearing my pleas or not. If he's not, I don't blame him, he has a lot on his mind and considering my parents are very influential in terms of politics, if the king makes a brash move, my parents will give him political turmoil." Tray abruptly received a message from Venessa stating their four day stay. He was excited and already made up his mind that he will spend these four days showing Joan the freedom she is missing out on.
The next two days, King Alexander did everything he said he would to Venessa and Cross. Among the strongest warriors and fighters were Ezekiel with his four angelic wings and star saber, Phonix with his ability to control time and fire, Ian with the ability to create things out of metal at will and his large sword in the shape of a key, Vivi with her ability of harnessing animal souls and acquiring their powers and abilities to her disposal, and with several other notable fighters. Yet, the group was slowly stalked by Lorenzo who reported all of their movements to Paradox. The next two days arrived where Venessa and Cross briefly parted ways in order to find some way to relax before returning to base. On the fourth day, Venessa contacted her adoptive mother, Selena, for a special request. She wanted Selena to travel to the Alphaverse with the Matrix of Eternity in order to restore it with wisdom capable of changing the tide of the war. As for Joan and Tray, the two traveled all across the kingdom from going to the beach, kayaking, visiting the aquarium, and art museum. Tray taught Joan how to properly duel and was deeply proud when she complimented him on his elegant sword. Unknown to them Viciate was also reporting their activities to Paradox. On one of their stops, Joan brought Tray to the Spring of Restoration just for them to sight see. Yet, she was startled when Tray stopped responding to her. His eyes were affixed at the spring as he slowly started to step towards it. Joan tried to stop him, but her petite body could not stop him.
Suddenly, he stopped on the edge of the spring and bent down scooping up the water as he started to drink it from his hands. Joan was confused at Tray's behavior, "Are you......alright?" Before Tray could turn around, he collapsed on the ground. "TRAY!" She ran to him, but when she arrived, his eyes opened wildly as his body started to glow with an unearthly light. Tray's body started to transform with his pupils becoming white similar to Mallisa but instead of the other part of his eye becoming black, it became a bright cyan color. His navy hair became white with a few streaks of cyan along with his olive skin changing to being white as quartz. His outfit even started to change around him with his clothes glowing with a clear like cyan substance with a hood gently resting on his hair. Gold embroidered his collar as a unique glowing cyan halo appearing over his head. "Joan.....please tell me I'm not dead." "I uhhhh you mmmmmmm I guess not? Here let me show you what you look like." Joan opened her camera and took a photo of him in order for Tray to see the photo. "Oh my gosh I became even more handsome." "Seriously, that's what you think about after looking like you just died on me!" "Hey, I'm sorry for zoning out on you like that. I just heard a soothing voice calling me from the Spring and I could not help but follow it." "The voice was more than soothing than mine?!" "Well yes...CRAP NO NOT LIKE THAT I SWEAR!" Joan started punching Tray as he let out a hearty laugh. From the shadows Viciate contacted Paradox on what happened and for Paradox to arrive swiftly to exterminate the couple.
The two continued on their walk after having their emotions die down. Yet, there was a sort of tension in the air between the two as one waited for the other to speak first. At last, Tray was the one to break the tension as he stopped Joan and decided to finally reveal to her the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past few days. "Joan, I don't know how to say this but, whenever I am around you, I just feel warm inside and what I could only describe as butterflies, erupt in my stomach." Joan blushed deeply before responding, "Oh Tray!" "Joan, if you do not want to enlist in the Celestial Crusaders, you don't have to. I'm offering you a choice. I see how much you care for your older sister and your eagerness for freedom. I encourage you to follow your heart and join me. I promise with every fiber in my being that my family and I will protect you and support you with whatever decision you make." Joan with tears in her eyes. "Oh Tray! Thank you! I want to briefly stay here so I can help my sister with any last assignments and join you on exploring the Megaverse and you taking me back to the Omniverse you call home! Thank you, thank you for being such a wonderful person to me these past four days. Truthfully, I can say I feel the same when I am around you. Your outgoing free-spirited nature is very cute and contagious." Tray extends his hand towards Joan, "Then what are we waiting for? Take my hand and I will show you all the wonderful places in my Omniverse! Obviously after you are done helping your sister of course." He gave her a big comforting smile as he waited for her to wipe the tears of gratitude off her face. However, just before she could place her hand in his, a gunshot went off as a singular bullet went through the right side of Joan's head and exited out of the left. Tray opened his eyes and was horrified at the pool of blood emerging from Joan's body as she lay lifeless on the ground. He was shaken as he heard a sickening laugh. He hastily turned his head to the direction of the laughter.
Tray's eyes widened in confusion as he saw Gadget Bandito emerge from the shadows. "What.....what are you doing here? How did you get here? Why have you done this after being a loyal member of the Initiative for many years?!" "Doesn't matter. Any last words kid?" Tray thought inwardly, "Wait......no......there is no way he is the real Gadget Bandito. The real one does not even know a lot of the Megaverse, much less keep up with any news from the Initiative." He finally spoke out loud. "My powers and senses are telling me you are Gadget Bandito. But my heart, mind, and soul tell me otherwise! WHO ARE YOU?" Paradox finally revealed himself to Tray as he morphed into his mechanical appearance. Tray finally spoke after being at a loss for words, "I know you. I know who you are. No, you are not even a person anymore. You have turned yourself into something unrecognizable. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE! YOU ARE THE CREATURE WHO MURDERED MY FATHER'S PARENTS ON THE NIGHT OF HOLY THURSDAY!" Paradox had a twisted malicious grin on his mechanical face as he spoke, "Aren't you a smart one." Tray began to channel his new powers granted to him from the Spring of Restoration. "I WILL NOT ONLY AVENGE THE DEATH OF DIAMOND'S PARENTS! BUT FOR JOAN WHO YOU SHOT IN COLD BLOOD! DIE YOU BODY MORPHING BASTARD!"
Filled with pure rage, Tray could not control his powers as Paradox merely toyed with him before using Tray's disorientation to his advantage. Paradox was able to overpower the young hero, but briefly underestimated his new power buff when Tray's halo pierced itself into Paradox's chest. This comeback was shortly lived due to the intervention of Viciate who incapacitated Tray and tied him up. Elsewhere, Venessa felt a disturbance in her gut and thus gathered Cross and met with King Alexander to ask where Tray and Joan were at. The King did not know of their location much to the dismay of Venessa, but suddenly in the throne room a thick green mist entered the room which knocked the guards and the heroes unconscious. Lorenzo did his best to pick up the bodies of the heroes and tie them up, "Now we just wait for the Queen of Asteria to arrive and snatch the Matrix from her by ransoming these hostages."
Meanwhile Selena took care of Diamond and would not allow him out of her sight. If he had to leave her house, she would go with him wherever he went, due to the public opinion on him fiercely divided. There were some who believed the attacks were caused by him while others knew that he would never do such a thing and it had to be an imposter. She would fiercely criticize any bystander who booed or tried to assault Diamond. Diamond on the other hand did not like how Selena was being overprotective of him, and her reasoning was that his mental state was not in a good place. Truthfully, it felt like he was on house arrest. One day the two of them took a nap on Selena's couch, when Selena was notified to embark on the mission to Omniverse 7,777,777. She did not have Diamond know what mission it was, but said it was important. "Don't do anything stupid or silly while I'm gone. And do not go on any adventures either! If I find out you left the town, you won't hear the end of it!" "Alright sheesh I got it."
Selena traveled to Sanctuary and entered one of the passwords a few of the elite members possessed in order to gain access to the broken remains of the Matrix of Eternity. She grabbed the pieces and created a portal to the Alphaverse. Once Selena teleported off to her mission, Diamond took advantage of this opportunity and decided to venture into town. He grabbed his Bluetooth earbuds and walked outside to his favorite coffee shop. While walking, he played Have You Ever Seen The Rain, by Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of his father's favorite bands. He could not resist but sing along with the lyrics, "When it's over so they say it'll rain a sunny day, I know, shining down like water. I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day." During his stroll a handful of protestors spotted him and began to yell, "Murderer! Thief! Crook! Liar!" One such protestor threw a pot of hot water at him, which nearly resulted in Diamond retaliated, but he bore these wrongs patiently and continued on his way. He turned a corner into an alleyway and started to dance and jump in the puddles. On the other side were a set of stairs where he slowly danced his way down each step to the closing parts of the song still singing with raw emotion. "Yeaaaaahhhhhhhh I wanna know have you seen the rain? I wanna know have you ever seen the rain? Coming down on a sunny day."
He turned off his music when he entered the doors of the small shop and waited patiently in line. After he finished placing his order and pulled out his wallet to pay, the cashier whispered to him, "It's on the house. You are still a hero to us who work here." "Are you sure ma'am?" "Yes. It'll be out shortly." He took a seat near a window and started reading the local newspaper in silence. Just then a little boy who was with his parents came to his side and started to speak with him. "Excuse me sir, but are you, Diamond?" Diamond chuckled to himself, "Well there is no use in hiding my identity. Yes, I am." "Can you tell me what it was like during the year I was born?" "Uh, odd request but yeah I can tell you, first I have to ask how old are you?" "I just turned four!" "Well happy birthday! Let's see four years ago was 2016.....wait no it was 2020. Gosh was 2020 four years ago? Man, all these adventures all start flowing together kid. So, around this time an old enemy of mine named......" Diamond abruptly stopped speaking as he felt a disturbance. "Named who, sir?" Diamond stood up and slowly walked to the doors as a giant explosion went off in the center of town. Everyone started screaming, running in all directions from the blast, as Diamond signaled his AI using his nanotech vision glasses. "HONEY what are we looking at? HONEY? Crap I never turned you back on." Diamond hastily had his nanotech grow on his left arm as he turned on the setting to activate HONEY. "I'm back! Are you ok boss, did you do anything brash when I was gone?" "We can catch up later HONEY, right now I need you to prevent traffic from entering this street and alert the local authorities." "Yes sir!"
While all of this was happening on Earth, Selena's portal finally brought her to the Alphaverse. She begins to mutter to herself, "Alright Venessa I'm here. Hopefully we can get this done quickly, because I don't trust Diamond being by himself." Selena was cautious of her surroundings, due to being greeted with an eerie vacant throne room. She suddenly heard a quiet "help me," this prompted her to locate the source of the voice which resulted in her finding Lorenzo lying next to a pillar. "Please help me." "Who did this to you, where are they now, and have you seen a young girl with pink and blue hair go by?" Selena used her powers to silently read the injured person's mind, but before her powers could alert her of it being a trap, she heard another voice which caused her pupils to shrink with fear. "Hello my precious doll." Selena turned to face the new voice and to her horror, she saw Paradox standing behind her, appearing the same way he looked the day before he died. The trauma from the mistreatment and terror she received from him overridden her senses and caused her to stand completely motionless. Behind her Lorenzo leaped and took off his mask expelling a strong toxin into her lungs causing her to faint and drop the pieces of the Matrix. Lorenzo, "Why did you change the plan to capture her instead of bargaining with her?" Paradox, "Because I want the last thing, they see is me holding the reloaded Matrix and handing it over to my masters." Paradox then switched back to his mechanical body and wrapped Selena in thick pairs of chains. He then took her body along with the rest of the heroes to the depths of the castle.
Simultaneously on Earth, Diamond slowly made his way to the source of the blast as he yelled at the pedestrians to head southbound. When he reached the center of the blast three figures emerged. A hulking lizard creature, a humanoid squid, and a tall figure wrapped in black cloth with piercing red goggles. "HEY! THIS TOWN IS CLOSED TO THUGS LIKE YOU TODAY!" The man in black cloth responded back, "We were wishing for a fight with Selena, but facing you is even better!" "I suggest you stand down before I rip a tentacle from your friend Squidward!" "Grok shut his mouth." The hulking creature lifted his axe from his back and started charging at Diamond. Diamond tapped his chest as his nanotech started to form around him as he created several large blasters from his back and fired at Grok. The blasts sent Grok flying backwards to his two other companions, but the man in black simply waved his hand to the right which sent Grok crashing into a local store. Diamond flew towards the humanoid squid and started punching him with unrelenting force that caused the squid to vomit quantities of ink. The man in black teleported behind Diamond and used his mystic powers to gain the upper hand by distorting the reality around them. The squid shaped his head into a spear and tried to pierce Diamond with his poison, but Diamond dodged it and sent him hurdling towards the man in black, breaking the reality illusion. He then had his suit create a sticky net which he shot to capture both the man in black and squid. Grok finally managed to get back up, but upon seeing his comrades captured, he clicked a button on his belt that resulted in him exploding creating a blast deadlier than the first. Diamond noticed there were a few people that were in the blast radius of this second explosion and flew towards them using his strength to hold the falling debris from the tall business building. The debris piled the streets with dust and papers, until the sound of sirens broke the silence. Law enforcement arrested the two other villains while Diamond was barely holding large portions of fallen walls, glass, and stone from crushing him and the civilians under him. The leading officer noticed Diamond struggling in the debris, but decided not to help him, he thought to himself, "Let's see if he can truly save others and be the hero the weak minded believe him to be." The crushing weight began to take a toll on Diamond as he slowly began to lose his footing until he was on his knees holding the debris up.
"I promise.....I will get all of you out alive!" Negative thoughts began to enter his mind as various voices began to call out. "You are not good enough. You couldn't save your own parents; how can you save these unfortunate souls? You are playing a fool's game. See how the law enforcement refuses to acknowledge your existence. Face it your story is over. Finished. You are nothing but a weak boy who thought he could have been a great hero." Diamond tried to block out these voices, but they began to take a toll on him, nearly causing him to give up, but then a quiet voice entered his mind. A voice smooth like honey but strong as thunder echoed in his mind. "You are something more. Look inside yourself, you are something far more than when you started all those years ago as a small-town hero. Do not listen to their empty words, listen to me. Do you renounce sin?" "I do." "Do you renounce the Devil, the sin whisperer, and all his empty promises?" "I do!" "Do you believe in the Faith of your fathers, the Resurrection, and life everlasting?" "I do!" "Arise my child." At that very moment Diamond felt the power of the Light course through him at greater quantities than before as his body began to glow with gold and white light. With a newfound access to the Light, Diamond felt it was only natural to change the wording when harnessing its power, "Through the power of Heaven's Light.......All things are possible!" Diamond effortlessly lifted the debris away from him as the civilians under his care ran to the rest of the crowd. The onlookers stared at Diamond's glowing gold and white body. They were baffled in amazement as a few murmured amongst themselves, "Truly this is the act of a selfless hero."
Diamond did not hear the crowd's cheers, whistles, and praises as he stood deep in contemplation. Deep within his soul, he was able to sense his family was in grave danger. With his connection to the Light restored, he made it his new mission to travel to the Omniverse where he sensed the disturbance. He quietly spoke to himself, "Oh yeah I'm ready to whip the person who is so bent on ruining my life! But first, I have to do it in style. He allowed his suit to create two large speakers; HONEY make sure the volume is on max. Time for us to go back into the Megaverse!"
To Be Continued In The Alphaverse Part 2

To all guys and girls reading this and to the super Mom of 5 who lives near Selden who I once knew and saw intimately and dated for over a year. First out of respect, I wish your health and your wellbeing is good and all the best for your kids.
I mean this letter in whole heart, respect and honest of how I felt and I am man who admits when im wrong and I feel Im Right about all of this. I came across a nice facebook post real, where it showed a nice Love scene from the movie “The notebook. by angel alure. (Look it up)
Yeah, you are probably thinking im crazy for maybe writing about a woman I once knew. To the woman I once knew:
That fact is, I’m crazy about being in love with you.- I do miss you and im willing to “maybe” sit down with you , maybe and I consider it again. But not yet. your friend T******* was right when I saw her in april 2024 on a food delivery run, that “the heart wants what the heart wants”. After I surprisingly I delivered food for her. I guess that isn’t a sign right too? That we are not mean to be together and then hitting up your friend N**** in april 2024 who didn’t want to date me because she was friend with you. – Yeah both signs in my eyes that maybe we are meant to be together but I know you don’t believe in Love signs. – I do!
I wanted to let you know that our ultimate missed connection was not forgotten. This is the ultimate 21 year “missed connection”. I give you this story and a nice “song story” after this missed connection story to a woman I once knew and the “song story” is a song she once loved and grew up loving and she probably still does like the song below. I wanted to let you know from the facebook reel and the notebook that "This love does exist for a season or a year with a woman i once knew. I’m keeping her name private out of respect for me and her.
I dated a woman and was with her for off/on a year. Then she went back to her ex for the 4th time , in between me, and current fiancé per her FB post from 2017 lol ( i guess he was the whole time) like and you cheated on him. Like every girl i know and here does and plays commitment games with a guy. – Yeah I saw that old post you still make public for me and people to see , and way to rub it in to a guy who maybe still loves you.
For you and for everyone watch out for a woman like this. Sometimes, they use a guy to fill a void from the guy they hate, so she said, or the home life they are depressed from, used my good qualities for months to a year,, then go back to the guy she loved and has 3 kids with in the first place (and two others with a former exbf) after one little argument we had over edibles and nothing and trying to see you! She told me she loved me and then went to him "cause they worked it out for the kids" BS!.
The love existed for a season but when the love stress gets tough, women aren’t mature enough to find a solution to make it work! You say, you thought I was mentally ill or mentally retarted to not know your social boundaries, I knew your social boundaries and sometimes, I just didn’t care and maybe I would have respect you more if your life wasn’t an anxiety attack on me. I was sure as hell stable and good when we were dating from November to april 2023- oh well., - oh well , It didnt work out but we still have the future and its never too late to change :) She last told me she isn't interested in me anymore back in February 2024 after "calling me by mistake " according to her and just dialed me after i said goodbye to her in January 2024 to start a new chapter without you!. - I call bullshit and I’m right because according to dating experts, girls "will say they call a ex by mistake" to play games and see my reaction.
– Well this isn’t a game, it was true love and we messed up at it due to you not fighting for me. I guess everyone online that i read about is wrong and you are right? Pssh You just lied to me on how you really feel and you didn’t want the hard road and the transition to being with me over one argument we had back in april 2023 and December 2023. Ohh my god. Big deal. Guess what? people who love each other fight! and then they work it out! Good, I feel so much better now and not dealing with your toxic moments anymore.
By the way,- When we dated, even in June to august, then November to December 23rd 2024 while you were with your BF M***, I wasn’t mentally crazy was i? NOPE, Was i a mentally ill? NOPE i was not and you adored me when we dated. I was stable. - Maybe If you didn’t have your ex around, i wouldn’t have to feel anxious. Maybe I would not have texted you a lot and I would have felt comfortable dating you with him not around and I would have given you the space that you and I like. Yes, I liked my space too- Maybe if you didn’t hide me from your kids, If would have been special and stable for me to treated you stable. - Your actions created my instability and your home life affected both of us.
Simple You secreted dated me and him at the same time! - I’m not stupid! You made me crazy with your unstable life and not listening to my advice. I don’t control anyone but we could have been special and developed a possible long term relationship, leading to marriage. - I felt it and sorry you didn’t! You are just a user and woman who used men for your desperate time, and yes, I would have helped you watched your kids, in time, and changed my life for you and for the better. You just used me to get over your negative home life since Nov 2022 and lost the best guy that would love you until the end of time and your death, - I hope you are happy , Have fun being mentally happy with your award winning fiancé who you cheated on. Yup! (you know who you are) Life goes on! ""
To any woman that was with me and wants to be with me, in the future, they will get go with me to my 5 star Miami beach hotel getaway, like I did in march and share my beautiful 5 star new bathroom I have - Yup, I improved myself and will be better to improve my life.
Love will maybe exist one day again for me with a stable woman who knows how to commit to dating and not being shady! - I am so happy in my life , in at peace and back to being a cool confident person like I was in 2022.
So cheers to you and Im happy i let you go and so did you but only because i chose to walk away originally, - Don’t forget it, it was my idea to let you be in Janaury 2024 because of you choosing him over me. I knew it then and every time you left me. It was because of him and your kids driving you nuts.
– Admit it! I did everything I could as a good possible boyfriend to you. I cherished our memories but now I cherish my peace and maybe I will consider and be open to sitting down and having a positive conversation down the road with you when you are no longer with your ex or current boyfriend, whatever you two are, and no longer LIVING with him for good, not just sharing his bed for a month, and he moves back in like you did in NovembeDecember 2023.
Yeah I knew you were going to let him move back in after not allowing me over on weekends you had the apt to yourself and telling me you told him, Keep your bed here. Doesn’t matter right?. - If not, Im happy with or without you . Im not saying i will or will not ever date you and be with you again, but i "might" be down to having a nice catch up conversation with you one day when more times passes and maybe we both want that and maybe when I run into you again in life. Who knows? Small world as I connect with your two friends post breakup. - . Just "maybe" - like you always said to me and mess with my mind - Just one day....If not and .If we dont meet again for a open conversation IN PERSON like real adults doo. Not over the phone or social media., oh well, I guess you will never know what our love "could have been" and what i am and what i do on the side (That i never told you about) that would make you or any woman feel good about me and being with a husband who helps people and certain individuals you love, all over the country.
Too bad, I guess we will never know and you never got to see and date me in a healthy way, without your ex and fiancé "again" around you in your home. - Good luck until then or see you in the next life. Happy being happy with or without you! - At the end of the day, I truly do miss you and our time together but i dont miss our toxic times and it could have been positive if you wanted it to be. You wanted him over me, simple.
Admit and tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy as my grandma used to say, Just like your grandma used to tell you, "If someone doesn’t want you in your life, Leave them the F alone" – Well I did leave you alone 4 times and I was a fool in love with you and you came back to me as well. Four times over. Did you tell your dad and family you did continuing seeing me? Who cares what other people think and I only cared about seeing you and that’s it and trying to be with you. You just cared about how me or anyone helps our your situation because you were desperate and its all About you right??? . What do you expect me to do? With a woman I’ve known since 2002.
I guess you didn’t want your childhood crush and adult crush like I did.
You say, you cant force love? Well what do you call meeting you in 2002 at our legendary casino hotel?? What do you call talking to you over social media for decades? What do you call running into you again in 2012 at subway?
And chatting again on POF in 2014/2015 , which you never got back to me. yeah I remember “Ghost” - What do you call meeting you and reconnecting with you in 2017 at the very place we met in 2002? – what do you call re-connecting on tinder? Then we dated in 2022/2023 – Well I call it fate, you call it, taking advantage of a guy who YOU know always like you. You took advantage of my feelings. When we dated off and on - <- That why I hated you and miss you and was pissed at you in February 2024. – You used my feelings and energy to get back at your live in Ex boyfriend or finance now.
– Yeah, I still see your old post from 2017, I guess you always did love him while we dated. & you cheated on him from November to April 2023, June, July August 2023, Nov/Dec 2023. - Shame on you and you lied right to my freaking face. That you said “I hate him and I will never go back to my EX M*** in 2023 & end of 2022 - No, I cant get over you sometimes, because the heart wants, what the hearts wants.
Most of the time im good, but to be honest, whenever our songs come on, I have to let them turn off or I shed a tear and cry at work thinking of us. - However, I choose not to see you while you live with him and be with a unstable boyfriend and not go through what we went through again.
I choose my peace over us being toxic again. – IF you want it again, It could happen but it has to be healthy like IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SINCE NOV. 2022 AND IN FEBRUARY 2023 WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MOVE OUT? Did he really even move out by the way? Or was that another lie?
Now,. You said to me earlier this year, you don’t want to see me anymore, I call bullshit and I say you were confused. You wanted me in your life when you were with me, I just think you are confused and lost that loving feeling from you two exs or negative boyfriend. Im sorry you felt that way about me and you really lost out on a good and confident man! - Ohh well...and now I begin the process of becoming more confident and greater at loving myself and someone else then I ever did before! Have fun watching from a distance.
–P.S. I’m glad I didn’t date your so called friend N******A who you went to mall with in March. People like her need to give a guy like me a chance. Glad I avoided that train wreck and her thinking she is too good enough to date me because she is friends with you. – Who gives a fuck? Every girl and yes, I didn’t care about dating her either way, Tell her to stop showing her boobs if she wants a decent guy to respect her wishes lol. JK. See every girl has excuses to let love get in the way. .
Be well to you "super mama" Bella".. To give a happy ending, because I know you like one like a happy meal at McDonalds, and If you read this and got this far, I will now let you read a “song story” I wrote and tell you about a song that a woman I once knew grew up loving this song.
I will tell you a story about a little boy liking a girl he grew up with and fell in love with while he seen and was in love with her& did anything to just see her but with a twist……
.The song lyrics goes like this and maybe you know the song, not sure….but here goes…
“Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me "Go make yourself some friends, or you'll be lonely"
Once I was a seven years old and I started to learn about girls and wanted to make some friends.
“Once, I was 11 years old, my daddy told me "Go get yourself a wife, or you'll be lonely"
I was always dreamed when I was 11 years old of being and going down a wedding aisle with a beautiful brown skin girl and her kids but I couldn’t see her face after watching a lot of movies and love shows. – foundation of my love life 
Once I was 17 years old, and I met a beautiful brown skin Panamanian at a hotel party with friends who looked like Pocahontas and had the most beautiful face I have ever seen. – Ever! I wanted her like a hungry kid wanted McDonalds.
Once I was 18 years old and I heard she moved away from me. I asked a girl she grew up with me for her phone number but she didn’t give it to me or did not have it.I was sad and didn’t know how to contact her and wanted to be with her and going out on a date with her. I thought maybe we could be friends and maybe be in a relationship. I wanted love at that time and I loved her beautiful 1000 years and million dollar smile. – That move of her, was the start of the 21 year missed connection “Once, I was 20 years old, my story got told Before the morning sun, when life was lonely”
Once I was 20 years old & 21 years old and I thought about her in college and decided to write her on myspace or facebook. Don’t remember if she replied but I knew I wanted to see her millon dollar Panamanian smile. I missed seeing her in my college year. We chatted for years on social media or chatted through the years until my mid 20s and when I was 27 years old, Fated happen and we met again in October 2012
Once I was 27 years old and I met the beautiful brown skin Panamanian mom of two in front of and inside Medford subway sandwich restaurant, the same day I got out of the hospital in October 2012. I looked at her in surprise. She looked at me too but I don’t think she recognized me as she had her little girl and young son with her. I was too afraid to talk to her as I was feeling down that day. I watched her walk away from my life at that point and didn’t say a word. It just wasn’t met to be another “missed connection”
Once I was 29/30 years old and in 2015, I messaged her on a dating website called POF and I didn’t hear back from her for whatever reason, another internet “missed connection” we chatted for another 5 years until 2017.
“Soon, we'll be 30 years old, our songs have been sold We've traveled around the world, and we're still roaming Soon, we'll be 30 years old. Im still learning about life, my woman [I wanted a woman like her to bring] children for me [in marriage] So I can sing them all my songs, and I can tell them stories Most of my boys are with me, some are still out seeking glory And some I had to leave behind, my brother, I'm still sorry”
Once I was 32 years old and I met her again as a casino hotel where I shared a bed with her back in 2002. I had a talk with her and her boyfriend was somewhere there. She didn’t tell me that until after. I enjoyed reconnected and talking to her with her two woman friends, as she played the slots. – I certainly wanted her and I think she liked me then but didn’t wanted to say anything. We talked and then I left. We chatted all through the next 6 years until I met her again when I was 37 years old. – another missed connection or was it?
Once I was 37 years old, and I found out she “was single” through tinder. We dated in “sweet november 2022” and until april 2023. We broke up 2 times and then reconnected in July 2023 and then again in Sweet November 2023. I was so happy being with her off and on 4 times until the last day I saw her was in December 23rd 2024 to complete my Christmas wish. We also spend the days leading up to holidays together and I was so happy and in love with her.
Once I was 38 years old . I was unsure about her as I felt she used my feelings and she went back to her 4 times after she criticized my imperfections and made any excuse to just use my feelings since November 2022. I showed her good intent and her intent was to take advantage of me. throughout 2023, I was in love and hated our toxic times because of her home situation and her ex..
Once I was 38 years old and the beautiful brown skin woman saw me at night and slept over my place in November 2023 and December 2023. We had beautiful moments together and when we there for each other when times got tough for both of us. She saw me during the day when I was out of work and needed someone to talk to. I loved her as a friend , a possible dating girlfriend, a lover, a future girlfriend and maybe wife, but I think all she saw me was someone to make love to and use me for love and physical sex and love when it was convenient for her and she wasn’t getting it at home. I blame her and I don’t blame her. It was another truly good and bad missed connection at a shot at love that didn’t work due to whats written above this song story.
Once I was still 38 years old and once Im about to be 39 years old, I miss the woman I grew up with and miss the woman I want to maybe see one day over a conversation, when she doesn’t live with him or her boyfriend or ex finance anymore. If not, I will be happy and cherished our 21 year missed ultimate connection and cherish our times together. I will love you from afar, maybe, but only the good times.
Once I am 38 years old now, I am happy without you and maybe even happier if you find in your heart to realize how good I was to you, and how we had special times at C**** beach, Casino hotel, movies, restaurants, my place, your place a couple times. - I said goodbye to you in person on January 4th 2024, told you I love you . I was crying and looked at you as I was driving away. You then called me by mistake in February 2024 and we had our last argument. I wanted you so bad and to have another connection.
Once I was 38 years old and it now May/June 2024. – I haven’t seen you for real in over 6 months since 2 days xmas and for 5 mintues on January 4th, - I am really sorry, that me and you could not be together. It was not meant to be, because you didn’t want it to be and you didn’t see yourself with me. – I now realize you wanted him. So go be with you ultimate connection of your life with who you share 3 kids with. We had our time and I will cherish it..........
I am now happy without you but like I said, I “might” consider sitting down and talking to you in time If you would maybe want that after times, If that time comes and we run into each other again for another “connection” . – will it be a missed connection or a ultimate connection?
I last saw you on January 4th 2024, we average “running into each other” every 5 ot 6 years . so maybe see when Im 43 or 44 years old and I can say.
Once I was 44 years old…..To be continued Thank you for reading and Be Well to the super mama that lives near selden.
P.S. I do miss our times and our moments at the “selden post office” and our time together - Well see what the future holds for us and if we ever get to see what it would be like dating healthy and just us and no living with ex’s
Did you enjoy reading my story?
Do you see me and my story and what its like to be a boy being and wanting to be with a mom of 5? – do you see him?........
Now imagine it’s a girl chasing a boy she loved when was 17 and not 16 and now imagine it’s a woman chasing a guy of 5 kids when the guy was 37 years old and wanted it make it work What would you do B*******?
Would the girl continue to try and get that ultimate connection?
Time will tell and time heals all wounds. – Less is more right?
– How would you feel if the roles would be reversed. – Well See
To all : I hoped you enjoyed reading my “song story” – The real song is sang by Lukas Graham and it’s called 7 years. Feel free to listen to it. – I have to turn it off and aother songs that make me remind me of her. ..To everyone else and all of my single guys "this love doesn’t exist anymore, unless 2 people make it work and not make excuses! - simple as that. - Watch who you date and watch out for the narcissist two faced woman who I seen and dated. Love is sure interesting sometime in your life. Lesson learned. Good luck to all and thanks for reading.-
Would could have been B****? – Once I was XX year old and we will find out or we wont with us – Follow your heart and the rest we’ll figure out – I promise and I don’t break them. – simple 

Yes, I think there's more. The main arc of the movie is Signs. We have 5 memes in a row from Signs and this doesn't happen with any other storyilne. This arc is central to how we choose to see the meme movie. The entire movie can be taken two ways, just like each meme and the title of the movie Run, lol, a Run.
We can choose to see the signs or not. If we want to follow the signs, we end up following them to the three runs described in my previous post. The four signs I followed to find my narrative were: the "like" of the Run Lola Run Tweet, the pause in Seven Nation Army, the Rewind in Love Actually, and the Pay Attention arrow at the end.
But what if we don't believe in signs and miracles? Then we would watch from beginning to end in the order the Tweets came out. We don't need to look for hidden messages or codes. There's an alternative narrative this way. I personally like the Run Lola Run narrative better and it takes more effort to get there, but this is my loose narrative interpretation of what I see reading without looking for signs.
Get Ready (Pay Attention Meme)
There's a threat but RK is back and he's at full strength.
It's not over yet and we're still holding (the cat).
RK is posting on Twitter and we're back in the green, but it doesn't last long (Overture)
Time to get ready for battle (Gangs of NY)
We're doing something different than expected (car veering).
We found a way out and the dog days are gonna be over.
This time everyone's in (Avengers)
We're gonna win because we have diamond hands (Thor).
There will be a reckoning and law enforcement might get involved.
Once that's sorted out, RC can really take this company forward (Pirates, MIB).
No fighting!
We're getting ready to go out with a bang, but now Gamestop has everyone's attention (Pikey reaction).
We win the a battle, but the wars not over (Troy)
We're really gonna make fun of the bears now (Arrested Development).
This time, everyone's working together to get rid of our enemies.
We're done being nice and it's time to get crazy (Kingsman).
We've got a lot of security and the target is just up.
RK and friends have a loophole. Time to dance!
It's not just a call, its a warning to them. Fear is a tool.
We're all still holding (Mr Robot).
Everyone thinks there's gonna be a requel of 2021.
It scares the bears away! They doubted RK but they sure never predicted all these memes (Candyman).
The ATM happens.
We will never loose faith in Gamestop (Braveheart).
Gamestop's looking pretty confident.
And now Gamestop will do something extrordinary! (Prestige).
Everyone's trying to figure out what RK is up to! (Bourne).
And yet something is keeping the price down (Ozark, song lyrics)
Everyone's gonna follow us now (Star Wars, song lyrics).
Because we have Wu-Tang (Kitty keeping it real).
A fortnight will pass (Fortnite, 2 weeks).
Everyone will see RK/Gamestop as the good guy now (Mr. Niceguy).
And people realize that Gamestop is deep fucking value. (Fight Club).
The memes are gonna be better than ever! (Breaking Bad).
The public doesn't think AVOCADO-IN-MY-ANUS is running the show anymore.
RK is just making memes, but it's helping Gamestop's strategy (Rapid Fire).
Everyone knows who's in charge now - RC.
And RC is looking great.
Everybody's talking about Gamestop now! (Missy Elliott).
We're all getting a slice of the pie.
But now Kitty is turning into the black swan.
And's he's kind of enjoying causing all this drama.
We want to know where he's been though. He says it was all part of the plan.
All that matters is the plan.
It's been staring us in the face the whole time (Usual Suspects).
We're gonna have a comeback (the Zinger).
He's not dumbing this down for a mass audience. (Seinfeld).
He's gonna be on Twitter, so more people will see everything. (SNL)
He's bringing out all the freaks!
Kitty is haunting the bears (Red Right Hand).
The stock's still not doing great. (Me, Myself & Irene).
But they can't destroy it in front of a live audience. (Truman).
He's whooping some ass! (Furi).
How do we know this will work? Instinct. (Tenet)
He convinces everyone to go down the rabbit hole. (Alice).
And Gamestop is about to blow up. (Karma Police - he burns the car in the full video).
No one suspects RK, because he is playing by the rules, or at least seems to be (Shawshank).
We think we already know what the trick is, but we don't. (Wanna play a game?)
Someone is holding the stock price up and defending us from the bears (Kill Bill).
Listen carefully: CAT.
We're getting ready for another run! (Brittney).
RK is releasing some documents. (Goosebumps).
He's got a friend helping. (Possibly the activist mentioned in Shawshank?)
It's an Art Project! Kind of Crazy. (Urban Jungle)
It might be shocking. (Signs 1)
But there's no coincidences. Do you believe in signs and miracles? (Signs 2)
Two things are going to be working together. It won't make sense to us yet though. (Signs 3).
Because the signs are blurred (Signs 4)
Kitty's gonna be on the news! (Signs 5).
We probably don't know what any of this means, let him explain. (Cartoon)
He's just making memes (500 Days of Summer).
And he's really working hard on them now (The Shining).
Everyone wants to party with Kitty now.
We don't really wanna be a Sicario.
But you can't stop what's coming.
Gamestop is gonna have something to do with music. And there's no bears now (Punkrocker, bears edited out).
We're not gonna break the rules. (School of Rock).
The bears are scared and we are Catching Freedom. HOLD. (Catching Freedom was horse #3 and the Preakness winner on the date of this Tweet).
Everyone will see a great story here (Everywhere, Everything).
We don't have anything to fear (Don't Fear the Reaper).
RC is keeping his plans secret (Big Lebowski).
Some people will complain, but we're not doing anything illegal.
Everyone knows who RK is now. He might have to work some stuff out, but he'll come out looking good. (Bourne).
It just splits infinitely (Split).
The internet says RK is not the villain (its crossed out).
Everyone is sticking with him (Wilkos).
People might try to blame RK but he's a very sympathetic figure (Whatcha Say lyrics).
Because it's art!
And now the stock just keeps going up! (Seinfeld).
Kitty kept everybody safe and he wants to be seen as a good person. (Always Sunny)
But he really can't say any more. (Truman)
He's staying one step ahead. (Aladdin)
But it's his last dance (song lyrics).
He's back in court, but he was just making memes! (A Few Good Men)
Now we all look to RC. (Oceans 11)
The bear thesis is dead (Westworld)
Bears ain't gonna mess with us now (Dundee)
People look at Gamestop in awe now. (MIB).
What's in the box?
Something miraculous (and everyone hung in there)
And then then we just run!
We're out of the woods!
Is it for the best? We'll see - it might be a blessing in disguise.
I think the last one might be GME to the green planet, but RK is left behind. This is not a happy ending, but I think it makes the most sense in this narrative.

I'm a 21 year old female. My friendships with people are normally the type where if we don't talk for long periods of time it doesn't affect our friendship. I'm Pakistani and in our culture our parents tend to be a bit stricter so l don't have the typical routine of meeting friends every week or even every month. This is mainly due to the fact that our parents value the education side of our life a lot more than our social life, yes this can be depressing. But with the friends l've made this hasn't been an issue at all. That was until a few months ago.
Me and my best friend have been friends since year 9, I'm now In my third year of uni so it's been around 7 years of friendship. I actually got admission to a different college than my best friend so after year 11 we did not attend the same school. As much as it made me anxious for our friendship, it didn't impact our friendship at all. For around 2-3 years we only met up three times, and in terms of messaging each other we messaged every 2 months or so. However this increased to 4 months and then 8 until a whole year had passed. However regardless of how long it had been whenever we had messaged in the past it had always been normal and we would tell each other how we were, any gossip, life updates etc so I didn't actually think the talking gap was a problem. It was a two way communication, as in sometimes l'd be the first to reach out and sometimes she would be the first to reach out. The last we met was July 2022 and we had an amazing day out at Brighton beach. After that we messaged here and there every 4 months with the last message being March 2023. My second year of uni was very busy and hectic with a lot of assignments and deadlines hence the gap in messaging but this in no way is an excuse. So recently I messaged my friend January of this month. And normally we respond to each other instantly so when I didn't get a reply it did feel weird regardless of how long it had been. When a week had gone by with no reply I reached out to another mutual friend and asked her how my friend was and whether she knew why she wasn't responding to me, but my friend told me that she was probably busy and it's probably nothing. The same day my best friend replied to me saying 'hi sorry Ive been busy with uni and things. This was a weird reply from her, and that was the last message I got from her. I just replied saying that that's fine and she shouldn't worry, and she should rest and not stress and then when she's free we should catch up. I however did not receive a reply to this. In May it had been a few months with no replies. She posted a story indicating that she had finally finished her uni, and I replied saying congrats x, Even to this I did not receive a reply. At that point I got stressed because I have never been the type to make a lot of friends and I do value the friends that I do make. So when she was clearly distant from me I started overthinking and blaming myself for being a bad friend. For weeks I was overthinking and constantly tearing up to the thought of having lost a friend. During this time I wrote my best friend a long paragraph basically asking her to please let me know what l've done to make her upset, and saying how it was definetly my fault and that I apologise for not being a great friend. I will attach the screenshots of the messages. I also messaged her on Instagram as she seemed to be active on there a lot. I still did not receive a reply. I beat myself over this a lot, and as weeks went on I accepted that I did whatever I could from my end to mend this and that if it was not mendable then it wasn't completely my fault. I came to the realisation that yes I hadn't reached out to her for a year but she didn't as well, so we were both at fault and that there was nothing I could do. One random day she reacted to my BeReal with a heart, and the same day she deleted my contact on both her phone and BeReal so this confused me a lot (I could no longer see her WhatsApp profile pic and about indicating she had definetly deleted my number). She had also added on her Instagram note the song " I didn't change my number". Which has the lyrics "I didn't change my number, I only changed who I reply to". When she wasn't replying to my messages before I was concerned about her and if she was doing fine, but after this I found it bizarre and childish tbh. I still haven't gotten a single reply and tbh I don't expect one and even if I get a reply now I have decided that I will happily reply and keep no grudges but I don't think I would even want to continue this friendship as I need to prioritise my mental health as well, as the sudden distance had really affected me mentally. Am I the asshole and is her reaction to this situation reasonable?
P.s. it doesn't let me attach any images, if anyone would like to see the screenshots then I will happily send them to you.

Putting up a front is a slight hassle
Personality as real as nutrition in a white castle
On the outside looking prideful as a flag
But internally struggling like a straight married man doing drag
Real happiness start coming slow like the game when it lag
Bottle it all up until its explosive as a frag

grenade
damn im thirsty pick up some lemonaid
found em on the ground they might have some aids
but if quenching my thirst was money i got paid
…
i didn’t actually drink a half drunk drink
my bad if thats what you think
didn’t mean for it to be alarming
it was a metaphor for how people be self harming
while they think they cleaning they life like charmin
ultra strong
this mentality don’t help you live long
it make u act like a monkey, like king kong
outside sources so controlling like fent
tryna make everyone complacent
got our minds all twisted and bent

life would be better if we did what we meant

reap what you sow
don't be a sheep when you know
you gotta leap to the glow
understand why you wrong
dont get mad that take long
accepting your mistakes mean you strong
im not paying attention in chem writing this song
me and what my brains wants don’t always get along
head in the sky, neil armstrong
thinking bout lyrics, luis armstrong
mike tyson? yea his arm strong
cheech and chong just hit the bon-

can i say that? lemme not
let me get back to my thought
in life you gotta use what you got
and soley what you got, happiness cant be bought
well it can, but only for a lot

and in the process you lose your soul
all that takes a tole
so don’t hide like a mole
live life and set a goal

for better
feels more comfy like a really soft sweater
take lead of my life just like a header

our minds always change, this state of mind won't be my last
so many times my perspective exchanged in the past
I can remember when all I could think about was ass
now everything is about how life is fragile like glass
but in this moment i’m just trying to pass this class
never was religious never went to mass
I live by the fact that I can't act too rash
catch the Id thought like my name is ash
then take that shit into the trash

see from perspectives other than your own
take your face out from the depths of your phone
chasing pleasures like a dog and a bone

as a human race
we are at the place
that the comment amazon
doesn’t represent the extended lawn
now its digital like google dox
now its jeff bezos cardboard box
only way to get rich is by riding co-
-mpany ceos to climb the corporate ladder
oh you thought I woulda said something else latter? it was just a joke
but in reality theres no such thing as being woke
just do as you think is right, dont stutter dont choke
don’t question how fly is your kite because other folk

listen to yourself
unless your schizo and you see a lil elf
telling you to kill yourself
that’ll just be bad for your health

otherwise
just be wise
listen to jiminy cricket
and you'll see no unfortunate events unlike limony snicket

Illinoise

This review is of the musical Illinoise which is currently playing at the St. James Theatre in NYC. Please see the latter portion of this post for “Review Structure” and “Context” descriptions, which may add helpful background to this writeup.
Impression: This show takes the audience on whimsical journey of music and movement, all without a single line of spoken dialog. While not a traditional musical, the cohesive combination of dance, score, and tech provides for an engaging and remarkable experience. This show is a strong candidate to be added to my recent “Shows I love” list. However, I do think this show may not be for everyone, and that some may find that they do not connect with the concept of the show.
Watch check: Zero times. At no point during the show did I find my mind wandering.
See again: Yes. I hope I have a chance to see this show again. I believe in a second viewing I would catch more of the subtle aspects of the production.
Music & Lyrics: I was not familiar with Sufjan Stevens or the Illinois album) prior to this show. By the third song “Come On! Feel the Illinoise” I was completely hooked. I am listening to the album as I write up this review and am thoroughly enjoying it. After listening to the source music, I am even more impressed by the orchestration. I loved the interplay between piano and synth. The wind instruments were both showcased and provided ornamentation at other times. I loved the 4-mallet vibraphone action! I particularly liked the score coming full circle with a variation on the opening melodic theme at the end of the show. The score is undoubtedly the heart of this show.
Story & Book: This show does not have a traditional book, as the story is entirely told through dance and the singers’ words. I will admit that up until the first campfire scene I was a little lost. It then quickly became apparent that the show was about a group of friends sharing stories, from whimsical to heartbreaking. The story worked for me given that the integration was so tight with the music and the movement.
Set & Props: The set was simplistic and was almost entirely static, and the production had limited use of props. I liked that the orchestra and singers were elevated and on stage for the entire show. This is not the type of show that needs an elaborate set or props to effectively and engagingly tells a story.
Costumes & Makeup: I do not recall anything particularly notable about the costumes and makeup, beyond the butterfly wings worn by the singers.
Movement: Of all aspects of theater dance is the one area I know almost nothing about from a technical perspective. I feel at a disadvantage in my writeup due to this lack of knowledge. With that said, from this uninformed observer’s perspective the dancing was incredible. There were different styles of dance and I seemed to enjoy each of them. The combination of movement and music effectively told the story without dialog. To me that is an impressive feat.
Tech: As soon as I sat down, I noticed the sparse number of light fixtures above the stage. Only a few electrics were present, which is a striking difference from many other current productions (e.g., I think Hamilton has around a dozen, which I know is an extreme case). While the light design did not include as many lights as would be typical, the equipment present was used incredibly effectively. The nomination for best lighting design for this production is fully justified. Projection was used sparingly to illuminate the billboard; this did provide useful context for the current story being told. The sound mix was balanced, and the EQ was spot on. The tech was not the star of this show, it did everything possible to support the movement and music aspects.
Cast: There were absolutely no weak links in the cast. Rather than cover the entire cast I have listed a few that drew my attention for one reason or another, shown in no particular order.

• Kara Chan (Marion) – I noticed the incredible precision of her movements, yet it all felt so fluid and organic. She is a joy to watch. During the show I was hopeful that she would have a story to share (i.e., a solo dance), but unfortunately that expectation was not met.
• Elijah Lyons (Arctiini) – Elijah was one of the three singers on stage. His tone and an expression were next level.
• Brandt Martinez (Clark) – I particularly enjoyed his solo dance during The Man of Metropolis story.
• Byron Tittle (Cass) – Byron had a tap number during one of the stories that was quite memorable.

Seating: I suspect that nearly all the important action is viewable from every seat in the theatre, since the set is located mid-stage and corrals the dance downstage. There may be a few points where the far rear mezzanine might have an obstructed view of ensemble members, but I do not believe that would significantly impact viewing of the show.

Review Structure

I am systematic in my approach to assessing shows. During a performance I am in the moment, but at intermission and after the show I often write down an outline of my thoughts. Typically, I’ve used these notes to help me re-experience the shows long after the curtain call, but now these notes are the base material for the review in this post.
Each review is divided into categories, and each category is described below. I am a bit of a theater tech nerd, so don’t be surprised if those topics are emphasized compared to most reviews in Broadway (though I am not an expert and welcome corrections from the true experts here).
Show Name & Link: The name of the show with link to the show’s playbill.com page (if applicable) for quick access to cast, schedule, and host theater information.
Impression: This is a summary of my overall thoughts on the show.
Watch check: This is the number of times I felt compelled to check my watch during the show (don’t worry there is no backlight to distract/annoy others if I were to actually look at my watch). If the show drags or is uninteresting, I usually shift my attention to other things like tech or costumes, but eventually my brain subconsciously gravitates toward wanting to know the time. I've found this to be a reliable indicator for how engaging the show is for me. An engaging show is “0 times”, and a dragging/rough/bad show could be “6 times” or more.
See again: This section describes whether I would see the show again and how much I might be willing to spend on another ticket. However, this isn't always an indicator of show quality, since I tend to only want to see heavy topic shows just once, no matter how good it may be (e.g., Parade).
Music & Lyrics: This covers the music, lyrics, orchestra, and conductor of the show. There is overlap with the next category for sung-through shows.
Story & Book: This covers the dialog and story of the show. Comments about show pacing will usually appear here, if applicable.
Set & Props: The category is focused on the set components, lifts, rigging, turntables, stage wagons, drops, curtains, props, and puppets. There is often overlap with the “Tech” and “Movement” categories.
Costumes & Makeup: Here I would cover anything notable about what is worn on stage. Some shows have extravagant makeups/costumes and other shows do not. Both are okay, as long is it all fits the show vibe.
Movement: This section covers blocking, choreography, acrobatics, and scene transitions. Transitions can do overlap with the “Tech” section.
Tech: This covers tech aspects including lighting, sound, projection, displays, video, etc. One aspect I am likely to comment on here are missed mic queues (i.e., a performer’s mic was not unmuted in time, or less commonly left open too long). Few things take me out of a show faster than quite/undiscernible dialog or having the sound level jump mid-note.
Cast: This category covers the cast of the show. There will usually be a general comment about the overall cast, and then several cast members or roles will be specifically called out as being notable, for better or worse. Standouts here could be anyone that caught my attention, from Broadway royalty to the smallest ensemble role.
Seating: This is an attempt at indicating how "bad" partial view seating may be for the show. Sometimes I see shows from partial view seats, sometimes I pay for a prime center orchestra seat (and everything in between). Either way view restrictions can be roughly assessed based on where the action occurs on stage. My goal is to assist those that are on the fence about the potential drawbacks of typical rush, lottery, and TDF tickets.

Context

Approach: Since theater is subjective, like any art form, my goal is that by providing context my reviews might have increased meaning. If your likes and dislikes align with mine then perhaps what I write may help you decide between shows to see, for example. If your tastes are drastically different than mine my hope is that I do not mislead you into thinking you’ll like a show that you ultimately do not.
About me: I am a theater enthusiast, attending shows produced on world renowned stages but also touring shows, regional productions, and community theater. Musicals are my thing, but I also appreciate plays and operas. Many years ago, I did have amateur time on stage in plays, musicals, and one-acts. Later, I worked semi-professionally back-of-house as a stagehand, spotlight op, lighting designer, and sound/light board op for more shows than I can remember. However, my longtime profession since that time has essentially nothing to do with theater. Also, I do not live near the east coast but am fortunate to travel frequently to keep up with most new Broadway shows, as well as a non-trivial number of the productions in the Washington DC area.
Shows I love: This is a list of shows I’ve seen in the past few years that are standouts; the intent is not to gloat about all the great performances I’ve seen, but instead to give a rounded impression of the types of shows I gravitate towards. If this list does not resonate with you, my reviews may be of lesser value to you. All shows listed are the most recent Broadway production unless otherwise noted. * Aida (Sydney Opera House) * All The Devils Are Here (Off-Broadway) * Beetlejuice * Boop! (Chicago) * The Bridges of Madison County (Signature Theatre) * Come From Away * Company * Dear Evan Hansen * Fat Ham * Good Night, Oscar * Hadestown * Hamilton * Here We Are (Off-Broadway) * King Lear (Shakespeare Theatre Company) * Les Misérables (West End) * Little Shop of Horrors (Off-Broadway) * Macbeth (Shakespeare Theatre Company) * Newsies (Wembley Park) * The Outsiders * The Phantom of the Opera * The Rocky Horror Show (Melbourne) * Some Like it Hot * Spamalot (Kennedy Center) * Suffs * Sunset Boulevard (Kennedy Center) * Swept Away (Arena Stage)
Shows I don’t love: These are shows I’ve seen in the past few years that I did not particularly enjoy, for a variety of different reasons. For reference I have never left a show before its conclusion even if I didn’t like it. These shows are not necessarily bad, and in most cases, they just don’t align with my theatrical preferences. If this happens to be a list of your favorite productions, it is probably best to save your time and stop reading this post now. * A Beautiful Noise * Aladdin * Chicago * Funny Girl * MJ * Mrs. Doubtfire (US Tour) * New York, New York * Once Upon a One More Time * Perfect Crime (Off-Broadway) * Six * The Who’s Tommy

January 4, 2024
HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎊🕛🥳 I'd like to see how you all are feeling about the content that gets posted here. I sometimes post on my profile,🔥 usually longer articles from scholarly pursuits.
♈♉♊♋♌♍♎♏♐♑♒♓⛎ I have a newer subreddit based on my Tarot content, at tarotjourneys for the most recent content that I have been working on in that subject area. I'm not sure if I will have new subreddits for different subjects, or if I can keep it together here. I am going to be posting and cross posting so join both or don't, just read and connect with me here, or there!
Also next week will be the first contest in the annual anthology📒 that will be good for you guys to start getting involved in this community. Post will go up on the 8th and stay up one week. There is going to be a three week option for submitting and then we will be selecting the first winner 🏆 on February 7th. Announced on February 9th. Next month contest will be February 8th. And so on.🏆🪶🥠🥡
🌹🌹🌹Prizes for the short story and poetry is $100 cash and promotions, as well as a place in the annual anthology! Our artwork is going to be a prize of $50 and featured in materials and online, then it will be a 🌹🌹🌹Anthology chapter👀 introduction, and compete for the cover, with the monthly winners. The same dates apply to the three different contests.👀🌹
Anyone can enter, up to three submissions in each category! First entry in each category is free. Each additional entry is just $10 via PayPal or Cash App. If you don't have the ability to pay, we have a few waiver.
Our sponsors will be featured in the first post so even if you don't want to enter, read about us then!!!🕛❤️‍🔥
🔥This will be a great way to get published! I can't wait to see you guys enter!🔥
This is January 4, 2024 newsletter #2.
This is our featured subject for January. We are going to focus on getting ready for working towards sobriety, if you struggling with bad habits or are addicted to something that's causing you more harm than good - check out the resources, articles and readings that are designed to accomplish the initial assessment of getting clean 🫧🪥. No judgement, no mandatory participation, just some things that are designed to make it easier to start that process.
January 4, 2024
🏠🏡 JANUARY = CLEAN UP YOUR HOUSE MONTH You are the house!🏠🏡

Quotes from Individuals in Recovery:

1. Russell Brand:
   
   • "The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics are wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope."
2. Robert Downey Jr.:
   
   • "Job one is get out of that cave. A lot of people do get out but don't change. So the thing is to get out and recognize the significance of that aggressive denial of your fate, come through the crucible forged into a stronger metal."
3. Eminem (Marshall Mathers):
   
   • "I knew that my first thought was always negative. But now I have learned to just brush it off."
4. Demi Lovato:
   
   • "I had to learn the hard way that I can’t do parties anymore. Some people can go out and not be triggered, but that’s not the case for me."

Cited Readings on Addiction and Recovery:

1. "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction" by Gabor Maté:
   
   • This book provides a compassionate and holistic understanding of addiction, exploring its biological, psychological, and societal roots.
2. "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction" by David Sheff:
   
   • A memoir that chronicles a father's struggle to understand and support his son through addiction and recovery.
3. "Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions" by Russell Brand:
   
   • Russell Brand shares his personal journey through addiction and recovery, offering insights into the 12-step program and mindfulness practices.
4. "The Big Book" (Alcoholics Anonymous):
   
   • The foundational text of Alcoholics Anonymous, providing guidance, stories of recovery, and the principles of the 12-step program.
5. "Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending America's Greatest Tragedy" by David Sheff:
   
   • David Sheff explores the science of addiction and potential solutions, examining both personal and societal perspective.
6. Anthony Hopkins:
   
   • "I believe that we all have a basic need to feel safe. And when we don’t feel safe, we feel threatened, and when we feel threatened, we tend to react in various ways."
7. Nicole Richie:
   
   • "I have to be careful. I have to live in balance. I can’t stay up all night but then need to be on time in the morning. But I’m finding my way."
8. Elton John:
   
   • "I am a survivor. I’ve survived a lot of things. Life is full of pitfalls, even for someone like me."
9. Jamie Lee Curtis:
   
   • "I was the wildly controlled drug addict and alcoholic. I never did it when I worked. I never took drugs before 5 p.m. I never, ever took painkillers until 5 p.m."
10. "Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction" by Maia Szalavitz:
    
    • This book challenges traditional views on addiction, exploring the role of learning and choice in the development and treatment of addiction.
11. "Memoirs Aren't Fairytales: A Story of Addiction" by Marni Mann:
    
    • A personal memoir that offers a raw and honest account of addiction, detailing the author's journey from addiction to recovery.
12. "Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America" by Beth Macy:
    
    • This investigative work explores the opioid crisis in America, shedding light on the complex factors contributing to addiction.
13. "Clean: The Journal" by Chris Niosi:
    
    • This interactive journal provides prompts, exercises, and reflections for individuals in recovery, helping them navigate their journey.
14. "Ninety Days: A Memoir of Recovery" by Bill Clegg:
    
    • Bill Clegg shares his personal experiences of recovery in this memoir, offering insights into the challenges and triumphs of rebuilding one's life.

Remember that these quotes and readings reflect the experiences and perspectives of individuals in recovery, and different people find inspiration and support in various sources. Always consider seeking professional guidance and support in addition to personal insights gained from shared experiences.

More Quotes from Individuals in Recovery:

1. Matthew Perry:
   
   • "I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I've learned a lot from my failures, but the best thing about failure is you get to learn from it."
2. Drew Barrymore:
   
   • "Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles and you have to change it."
3. Rob Lowe:
   
   • "I'm nearly nine years sober, and there's a great quote I read about three years ago that had a huge impact on me. It's from the great Winston Churchill, who said, 'Success is never final, and failure is never fatal.'"
4. Kristen Johnston:
   
   • "I’ve been sober for over 14 years now, and the way I live my life is, I don’t think of it like I stopped drinking; I think of it like I started living."
5. "High Achiever: The Incredible True Story of One Addict's Double Life" by Tiffany Jenkins:
   
   • A memoir that provides a gripping account of addiction and recovery, exploring the author's journey to rebuild her life.
6. "Recover to Live: Kick Any Habit, Manage Any Addiction" by Christopher Kennedy Lawford:
   
   • This book offers a comprehensive guide to various forms of addiction and provides practical strategies for recovery.
7. "The Sober Diaries: How one woman stopped drinking and started living" by Clare Pooley:
   
   • A personal and humorous account of one woman's journey to sobriety, sharing insights and reflections on life without alcohol.
8. "Guts" by Kristen Johnston:
   
   • Kristen Johnston's memoir delves into her experiences with addiction and recovery, providing a candid and humorous perspective.
9. "This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, and Change Your Life" by Annie Grace:
   
   • Annie Grace explores the psychology of alcohol consumption and provides insights to help individuals change their relationship with alcohol.

These quotes and readings offer diverse perspectives on addiction and recovery, and they can serve as sources of inspiration, reflection, and guidance for those navigating their own journeys. Always seek professional support if needed and consider these resources as complementary to a comprehensive recovery plan.

More Quotes from Individuals in Recovery:

1. Craig Ferguson:
   
   • "I had a simple perception of success as getting things that I thought I needed to be happy. I thought that happiness was success. I don’t think that anymore."
2. Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers):
   
   • "I've made a lot of mistakes and I don't regret any of them. Sometimes those things take you to the most amazing places."
3. Jamie Lee Curtis:
   
   • "I know my limits. I know that if I drink again, I will die. Every morning I wake up, I make that choice."
4. Steven Tyler (Aerosmith):
   
   • "It’s not about how much you drink. It’s about why you drink. It’s when life gets good, do you celebrate? Or when life gets tough, do you drink?"
5. "In My Skin: A Memoir of Addiction" by Kate Holden:
   
   • A memoir that explores the author's experience with addiction and her journey toward recovery.
6. "Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics" by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden:
   
   • This book addresses the specific challenges faced by adult children of alcoholics and provides guidance on healing and recovery.
7. "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray:
   
   • A personal and practical guide to quitting alcohol, sharing the author's journey to sobriety and the positive changes it brought to her life.
8. "The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath" by Leslie Jamison:
   
   • Combining memoir and research, this book explores the cultural and personal aspects of addiction and recovery.
9. "Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir" by Lisa F. Smith:
   
   • Lisa Smith's memoir chronicles her journey from high-functioning addiction to recovery, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs of sobriety.

Newsletter Repeat 🔁 TL:DR These quotes and readings provide diverse perspectives on addiction and recovery, and they offer valuable insights for individuals seeking inspiration and understanding. Always consider these resources in the context of individual needs and consult with professionals for personalized support.
I'd like to see how you all are feeling about the content that gets posted here. I sometimes post on my profile,🔥 usually longer articles from scholarly pursuits. I have a newer subreddit based on my Tarot content, at tarotjourneys for the most recent content that I have been working on in that subject area. I'm not sure if I will have new subreddits for different subjects, or if I can keep it together here. I am going to be posting and cross posting so join both or don't, just read and connect with me here, or there!
Also next week will be the first contest in the annual anthology that will be good for you guys to start getting involved in this community. Post will go up on the 8th and stay up one week. There is going to be a three week option for submitting and then we will be selecting the first winner 🏆 on February 7th. Announced on February 9th. Next month contest will be February 8th. And so on.
Prizes for the short story and poetry is $100 cash and promotions, as well as a place in the annual anthology! Our artwork is going to be a prize of $50 and featured in materials and online, then it will be a Anthology chapter introduction, and compete for the cover, with the monthly winners. The same dates apply to the three different contests.
Anyone can enter, up to three submissions in each category! First entry in each category is free. Each additional entry is just $10 via PayPal or Cash App. If you don't have the ability to pay, we have a few waiver.
Our sponsors will be featured in the first post so even if you don't want to enter, read about us then!!!
This will be a great way to get published! I can't wait to see you guys enter!
This is January 4, 2024 newsletter #2.

As if I hadn’t already written three paragraphs too long for a copypasta on this topic, I have more to say about the dog shit that Ye Olde Horizon Boyz decided to name POST HUMAN: NeX GEn.
First thing, the name is moronic. Why are you doing this? The last one was POST HUMAN: SURVIVAL HORROR. Is this a continuing concept album or something? What is the concept? The lyrics are the exact same headspace as before: externalizing your negative worldview, projecting guilt and blame onto others, selfishly abusing narcotics. Does this character change at all in this story? Is that the concept: no one changes? Wow, bro. Good shit! Let me know when the movie comes out. And what makes it “_NEx GEn_” by the way!? Like, fuck you for even making me think about this.
My theory: some conversation in the mixing room went like, “Bro, this music is pretty bad, and the fans waited so long for it, how can we save this? Oh I know what we’ll do! Let’s pin this 16-song album to an earlier 8-song album so that people will assume it’s part of a bigger idea.” They just navel-gaze their problems away, knowing the fans will eat it up. How long are we gonna forgive this nonsense?
Lest we forget the unlistenable “mixtape” this band put out in Dec 2019, Oli admits—in a spoken word song—“I can’t sing well. I just have passion and lyrics. I beg and I borrow and I steal… And yeah, we subconsciously ripped [songs] off, I’m not a fucking genius or whatever” Is that not just the biggest fuck you you could possibly imagine? People still like this band? Like wtf is in this KooL-A1d!?!?
I mean, critics are eating this shit up like the Emperor’s toilet paper. Unbelievable reviews like this one from Metal Hammer: “Chaotic, confusing and nonsensical… it shouldn’t work – but, surprisingly, that’s also why it does.” So, you like it because it’s bad!? It works because it doesn’t work? Are you okay!? Do I need to call somebody for you? Because you’re not making any sense.
Honestly this has nothing to do with the way it sounds. This band has always had electronic elements, whatever. I don’t care about that. It’s in your face, I guess: the way metal should be. I wouldn’t want to concede too much there. Just from a metal/not metal who fucking cares standpoint, it sucks. And the band is just bad at being a band. They have no respect for their own fan base, they make brand-centered moves based on Oli’s cult of personality, and they treat their own members like garbage.
Last point, I promise: you’re really gonna trash the dude on track 12 of the record, who’s in there helping make the record? He did half of it! Actually more than half! He did 8 songs—almost all the singles, mind you! The rest of the band produced the even worse half, including:

• 1 single… barely
  
• 3 filler
  
• 1 Deftones cover
  
• 3 interludes
  

And interludes don’t count as songs. Y’all are just trying to catch Jordan’s streaming numbers, it’s so pathetic and obvious. Shit’s ugly and not in a good way. Fuck this band!
TL;DR: 1/10 stars

I’ve been sick with Covid and rebound Covid for the last 2 weeks. So obviously I’ve been laying in bed, listening to music, and binging the podcast.
I heard this song on TikTok. Loved it immediately. Added it straight to my playlist. And to me, it describes how Crystal Harris was Hugh Hefner’s karma.
I’m going to share the lyrics (emphasis mine)
—-
Hang up the chick habit
Hang it up, daddy (🤢)
Or you'll be alone in a quick
Hang up the chick habit
Hang it up, daddy
Or you'll never get another fix
I'm telling you it's not a trick
Pay attention, don't be thick
Or you're liable to get licked
You're gonna see the reason why
When they're spitting in your eye
They'll be spitting in your eye (👀all the backlash since GND)
Hang up the chick habit
Hang it up, daddy
A girl's not a tonic or a pill (QUALLUDES???)
Hang up the chick habit
Hang it up, daddy
You're just jonesing for a spill
Oh, how your bubble's gonna burst
When you meet another nurse
She'll be driving in a hearse (omg 💎)
You're gonna need a heap of glue
When they all catch up with you
And they cut you up in two (Secrets of Playboy season 1 they came for his neck)
Now your ears are ringing (everyone trashing him)
The birds have stopped their singing (they got rid of the aviary! 🦚)
Everything is turning grey
No candy in your till
No cutie left to thrill
You're alone on a Tuesday (They said towards the end Crystal restricted the guest list heavily. Was Tues a buffet dinner and a movie night?)
(and then it repeats)
—-
I guess it’s because the tale of the playboy getting played in the end is as old as time. According to Genius, this song is actually a cover of a ‘1964 French song titled “Laisse-Tomber les Filles” (“Leave the Girls Alone”) by Serge Gainsbourg.’ Whatever it is, I love it and in my head, I’ve been picturing a music video that is a montage of the end of the mansion after GND.

(Let's try this again and not so manic.)
Cool drafty air,
Calm fog, not so thick,
You fly to your next meal ticket.
Back stage, you paint your face, you say a prayer,
You think about her standing there.
The lyrics you write,
You write for her.
You play the music,
Hoping while she sleeps that she can hear it.
You have seen her in your audience a few times,
A country boy, singing.
The beauty in your dance,
Is simple. It's romance.
It's savory, it's free, it's diamonds in the sea,
They're all singing your lyrics,
You're not as moved,
As seeing her eyes, upon the gentle gazes, looking back
At you.
You're so beautiful to me,
What I wouldn't give to move you,
Inspire you,
Change you to loving me.
My self centered ways, my thick silence between our working days,
It's shared in your boredom.
The girls told me you weren't having fun, so you were back there talking to them,
But you're beautiful,
The expectation of whatever I say,
Is deeply taunting me, so quiet I stay,
You're intelligence is a thin white light,
Coming through the clouds of my brain,
And I forget who you are for a moment,
So I can be a woman, look back at you.
I don't know what to think anymore.
This is different.
I want my light to shine, but yours is stimulating,
My imagination and creations running through my mind,
My art, when I draw you, it's never perfection to my
Critical eyes.
I'm sorry that I judged you,
When I bring absolutely NO VALUE.
BUT I PROMISE YOU,
I'm not just sitting here.
I'm writing, in reading,
I'm crying and bleeding,
I'm worried that I know someone who is cutting,
I'm worried, she is the one who is stage two,
But you have more in common with her,
Than I do you, I guess.
You were really thrown off by her.
Just as you were V.
I'm not sure how to act anymore...
How to treat you with nothing but stiff silent respect.
I know you hate me,
In the way you talk to me,
It breaks me down,
But your breath forever makes me feel
Listless.
Like it's you,
I want so badly to impress,
Or inspire, catch the deepest part of your attention,
I swear every time I say your name,
God reminds the birds to sing,
And the warm rain to blow me away,
And the flowers to flirt with my sensual side,
And my heart to flutter, not just beat.
Your are the skies dancing colors,
You are the contouring of a peacocks feathers,
You are the melding of my inner beliefs,
And you are worth my hustle to show up for you,
But I know that you don't need me.
Why?
Why is your simplicity, so natural, so exposed,
So beautiful to me?
The desert tan sky,
The mountains cloudy, snowy tide,
The cabins in the Forrest green,
The heart of a lioness, protecting her King.
I know what it is meant,
When love is the way it makes me feel,
When I truly tap into it. .
I miss you.
Beautiful.
I miss you.
I'm gonna show up this summer, for myself,
Would that attract you if the gravity I hold for you,
Is met with interest?
I'll do anything to appeal to your likeness.
I guess it's rules I have to follow,
I want to check that long list off ....
I want to make the present with you, heavy with presence,
Humor and even a view.
A humble cuddle, a virtuous love,
I want to out shine the stars with you,
To have our own secret languages,
Our own various cues,
Our own gentle feelings,
And jokes that become a memory of what we both knew.
You are so perfect to me,
So beautiful, in your soul
And with a view,
I pray, to be, so beautiful to you.

This is going to be a loooong one, but I came across some similarities between But Daddy, I Love Him, Fresh Out the Slammer, and Florida!!! that I think connects them as a three-act story of her being forced into the closet (slammer), serving her time, and finding freedom.
But Daddy, I Love Him is Act I. Acts II & III are coming, but this took me forever, so it might be a min.
BDILH can be read as a play within a play. This is where she starts her time in the slammer (slammed the door on my whole world), but she’s not going without a fight. Her journey begins with her rebelling against what is forced on her by becoming a caricature and cliche of what she is told she has to be. The “dad running the guy off with a shotgun” trope is the perfect way for her to describe what’s actually happened to her (she’s told she can’t love this person) while still playing the boy-obsessed pop star. The first and second choruses of the song are essentially her self-written script for the performance she’s playing within the larger story that she's telling us.
^{(side note because it deals with being jailed: from her NYU commencement speech: "So I became a young adult while being fed the message that if I didn't make any mistakes, all the children of America would grow up to be perfect angels. However, if I did slip up, the entire earth would fall off its axis and it would be entirely my fault and I would go to pop star jail forever and ever. It was all centered around the idea that mistakes equal failure and ultimately, the loss of any chance at a happy or rewarding life." She ended up in pop star jail anyway.})
^{(side note #2: Hamlet is a play within a play and is referenced twice in this song})
The juxtaposition of criticizing patriarchal structures (which Sarahs and Hannahs can uphold and enforce just as well as men can) while also playing into them is too obvious to be anything but satire. At the end of BDILH, she decides to confront those who put her in the slammer which leads to her breaking free, essentially.
We've ended the play within the play and moved on to Act II. The next song is FOTS which opens with “Now pretty baby, I’m running back home to you”; running to someone being a theme in both songs. Now that she’s broken out of the slammer and done her time, she’s running back to something/someone. Without these two songs being a continuation of one another as part of a larger story, they’re essentially pretty repetitive and telling the same story.
The first thing that stood out as a possible connection between the two songs was the intro to FOTS. It reminded me of the western whistle that is typically played in western films during a duel between cowboys. It sounds like a very low and slowed-down version of that (idk shit about music, so if there's a reference I'm missing please let me know. Either way, it reminded me of music from Western films). It seemed like an intentional callback since BDILH starts with “I forget how the west was won” and the theme of running to someone. The western sound at the beginning of the song could also be implying that she’s an “outlaw” (From Hits Different: I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost / Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw / Freedom felt like summer then on the coast) and “running back home to you” could imply she’s running from the law. Act III is Florida!!! which is one of the songs on the album that I understand the least, but the themes are there. It opens with “You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too” which is a continuation of the “jailed/freedom” narrative of the last two songs. It’s an immediate callback to the previous song given that “the heat” often refers to the police. If I could guess, I think Florida!!! might be about her continuing to reflect on her choices to run from herself and “pack her life away”. I just can't quite figure out what Florida is symbolizing.
Here are some lyrical breakdowns from BDILH that led me to this conclusion and/or are relevant
I forget how the West was won
I am no history buff, so please forgive me if I get this all wrong. But one of the main goals of Westward expansion in the US was a promise of fortune (gold rush). How the West Was Won is a movie that took place in the 1830s and if the West is fame, fortune, and success, based on this line and "I Hate it Here" (We would pick a decade We wished we could live in instead of this I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid) I think she is trying to remember what she’s been fighting for all this time and if she could go back and start over again, she would
I also read that another reason for the Westward expansion was the opportunity to work in the cattle industry; to be a “cowboy”. So maybe being a “Cowboy Like Me” is another necessity of ‘winning the West’.
I think there is a further connection to "Gold Rush", but I haven’t figured out what that connection is yet.
I forget if this was ever fun
Here, "this" is referring to what she has had to do to “win the West”. It’s a continuance of her contemplating whether the path she took was worth it. She’s tired and can’t remember if she ever enjoyed this life.
I just learned these people only raise you to cage you
Using "just" here implies, to me, that this is the biggest lesson she’s learned from the choices she’s made and the path she’s taken. The people she trusted the most to help her “win the West” betrayed her and caged her. More mention of betrayal later.
Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best
This is a pretty clear reference to Christianity, specifically Southern Evangelical Christianity. The expression “Sunday best” alludes to reserving one’s finest clothes for going to church.
Clutching their pearls, sighing "What a mess"
To “clutch your pearls” is to act more shocked than you really feel to show that you think something is morally bad. Similar to “protesting too much”
I just learned these people try and save you
... cause they hate you
The “savior complex’ is very apparent in Christianity. Being a “savior” puts you on higher moral ground than the person you’re trying to save. People who have a savior complex are often more interested in fixing others than in loving them for who they are.
These two lines are essentially just another way to say “Love the sinner. Hate the sin”. This phrase is almost exclusively used against queer people.
Too high a horse
If you are on a high horse, you acting as if you think you are better than other people or that you know more than other people do. Someone who is on a high horse may “clutch their pearls” or "try to save you".
For a simple girl to rise above it
To rise above something is to not allow yourself to be hurt or controlled by something. In this instance, it’s the high horse mentioned above. She was too young and naive to rise above the judgment placed on her. (Reminds me of ‘too impaired by my youth to know what to do” in CoSoSoM)
**They slammed the door on my whole world
The one thing I wanted**
The first mention of the slammer. This was the event that started it all. She is a simple girl who is being controlled by those on high horses trying to convince her they know what’s best.
Chorus
**Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"**
These lines are the epitome of "boy crazy" which we know was her "image" or "reputation" at the beginning of her career and even now for some people. “Now” implies, to me, that there was a cause and effect. I think rather than fighting against those on the high horse, she is retaliating. She is overcompensating and becoming a caricature of what they want from her. She is essentially mocking them.
**I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces**
The mocking is reiterated here. She makes a conscious choice to break the fourth wall a bit and show you she’s messing with you.
Taylor Nation also posted a tweet a few weeks ago where they wrote the baby line as "I'm HAvInG hIs BAbY" which is clearly them mocking the line or the people who are reading it seriously.
**I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
I don’t think these lines are particularly important. They’re just adding to the role she’s playing.
The first and second choruses are essentially the self-written script she’s made to play the role they want her to play.
Verse
Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid
If you say someone is dutiful, they do everything they are expected to do.
Tendrils tucked into a woven braid
All of her messiness was tucked away to make her more palatable and acceptable.
Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all
Ok, this might go off the rails a bit but hold on. Looking up the specifics of being a precocious child led me to “The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in the Twentieth Century”. The author of the book introduced the term “growing sideways” to describe ways of growing that defy the usual sense of growing “up” in a linear trajectory toward marriage, reproduction, and the relinquishing of childhood. Growing sideways is irregular growth involving odd lingerings and wayward paths. In other words, not growing up. Reminds me of the line “But now we'll curtail your curiosity" from Robin. The book uses different films and books to explore childhood queerness and quotes the works of Henry James, Radclyffe Hall, Virginia Woolf, Djuna Barnes, and Vladimir Nabokov to the movies Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, The Hanging Garden (now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon), Heavenly Creatures, Hoop Dreams, and the 2005 remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
I can not vouch for this book, the author's assertions, or beliefs, because I haven’t read it, but I wanted to include it because I think it’s too similar to the lyrics.
(Side note #3: Plot of the Hanging Garden: Sweet William, a gay man named after the flower of the same name, had a difficult growing-up period in rural Nova Scotia with his alcoholic father, Whiskey Mac, nurturing their garden more than he nurtured the family which included forcing William to memorize the common names of plants and when they bloomed with the consequences for not doing so often being beaten, with his mother Iris trying to deny his homosexual orientation with a specific act, and with his devoutly Catholic paternal grandmother, who he calls Nana and he loves dearly, also reacting strongly against discovering his homosexual orientation. That family dysfunction was arguably the reason for William's obesity during his teenage years in not much liking himself. Since moving to the city ten years ago, William has flourished in life, including being in a loving same-sex relationship and no longer being overweight. Somewhat to his family's surprise, William returns home for the first time since moving away for his younger sister Rosemary's wedding to her and William's childhood friend, Fletcher. Beyond everyone now being ten years older including William, Rosemary and Fletcher's transitions into adulthood, not much has changed within the family dynamic except for Nana now suffering from dementia, and William meeting his precocious and tomboyish adolescent sister Violet for the first time, she who was born after he left for the city. Despite being a different person than he was ten years ago, William will have to reconcile his life back to his time growing up at the family home, especially the continual visions he and others have of something hanging in the garden that was there ten years ago. His family, including Fletcher, will also have to do the same to be able to move on successfully with their individual lives.)
He was chaos, he was revelry
So I think this line is either referring to her queer self or potentially a romantic partnership that she was pressured into that was supposed to be a distraction or a “remedy” as mentioned in the next line
This could also be referring to the fictional “him” that she created in BDILH. Revelry means merrymaking, but also implies rebellion.
Bedroom eyes like a remedy
A remedy is a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury or to fix an undesirable situation. Is this the consolation prize given to her by the people trying to save her?
Soon enough the elders had convened
Ok, another slight derailment. When I first heard this line, it immediately reminded me of “The Giver” which is about a society with citizens who have no memories of its past and are not allowed to make their own decisions. They are not given freedom or choice. Without choice, the Elders believe they can prevent negative events or situations. The Elders make all the decisions about matters concerning the community. They observe children to give them their appropriate Assignments. They also observe citizens to match them with appropriate spouses and assign them children. The community in ‘The Giver’ is void of all color and is depicted in grayscale.
(Side Note: Taylor played Rosemary in "The Giver". Rosemary was training to become the next Receiver of Memories, but she chose death over living a lonely and isolated life filled with painful memories.)
Down at the city hall
I wasn’t sure what the significance of the “city hall” was but it could potentially be referencing the Music City Center and the Country Music Hall of Fame, which are both located in Nashville, where her career began. These could just be representative of the decision-makers in the music industry.
**"Stay away from her"
The saboteurs protested too much**
Saboteurs are the ones who raised her and caged her.
Saboteurs practice sabotage and deliberately try to subvert or limit the full exercise of something.
Reference to Hamlet: Hamlet's mother replies, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks", meaning that the Player Queen's protestations of love and fidelity are too excessive to be believed. Pearl clutching Sarahs and Hannahs also protest too much.
Today, the phrase is used in everyday speech to indicate doubt of someone's sincerity, especially regarding the truth of a strong denial or to imply that someone who denies something very strongly is hiding the truth of it
So now we know that the saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, and the people who raise you to cage you are all the same people. This will be relevant later.
Lord knows the words we never heard
Just screeching tires and true love
Potential connection to Getaway Car or The Bolter or just more imagery. I'm not sure.
Chorus
**And now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"
I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces
I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Chorus
This is the turning point in the song where she decides to confront those who force her to be dutiful and slam the door on her whole world even if it means ruining her good name.
**I'll tell you something right now
I'd rather burn my whole life down
Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning
I'll tell you something about my good name
It's mine alone to disgrace
I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing**
I think this is pretty self-explanatory and I don't have much to add except to the last line
A viper is a snake that poisons others by biting them with hollow fangs that inject venom. Vipers are often used to describe spiteful, disloyal, or back-stabbing people. These are the saboteurs, but they’re dressed in their Sunday best.
If the vipers, the elders/saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, etc. are all the same people, she’s saying she won’t do what they’re telling her to do. The one clear demand that is mentioned is “stay away from her”. If she chooses to not cater to them, I think we could read this as she was told to stay away from someone else. This is written ambiguously so some people will read it as the Elders telling someone to stay away from her.
Bridge
God save the most judgmental creeps
I thought the use of the word “creep” here was weird because it’s typically used to describe weird dudes who won’t leave you alone, but one of the definitions of “to creep” is to move along with the body close to the ground, similar to how snakes move. I think this is just another clever way to tie all of these characters together.
**Who says they want what's best for me
Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see**
This line was hard for me to decipher. A soliloquy is typically the act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play, and can often be an opportunity for a playwright to clarify aspects of the character or plot to the audience, either directly or indirectly. So maybe the vipers/creeps/Sarahs, etc. are also a part of the play and they’re communicating what we should believe about the character in some way.
Hamlet’s to be or not to be (to live or not to live) is one of the most famous soliloquies.
**Thinking it can change the beat
Of my heart when he touches me**
I think this should be read as “they think if he touches me, it will change the beat of my heart” instead of “their soliloquies will change the beat of my heart that is caused by him touching me” because she won’t see or hear the soliloquies so how could they change anything? He is supposed to be the remedy with bedroom eyes.
And counteract the chemistry
counteracting something is to act against it to reduce its force or neutralize it
**And undo the destiny
You ain't gotta pray for me
Me and my wild boy
And all this wild joy
If all you want is gray for me**
The judgemental creeps say they want what’s best for her which she is telling us is “gray”. The mention of gray takes us back to “The Giver” where the Elders get to decide who you love.
Then it's just white noise
White noise is defined as a "heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range that has been used to mask out unwanted noise"
I had to look up the definition of heterogenous, but it means “different in kind, unlike, or incongruous.”
So the gray that they want for her is incongruent, or incompatible, with her but is supposed to mask out some unwanted noise.
And it's just my choice
I truly don’t know what she means by this, but maybe she’s saying if they’re putting limitations on her, she gets to decide how to work within those limitations.
Verse
**There's a lot of people in town that I
Bestow upon my fakest smiles**
If her boy-crazy character is a performance then she’s showing a fake happy version of herself.
Scandal does funny things to pride
Having someone catch you with a dude with your dress unbuttoned and them running him off is scandalous. The scandal is "performance" Taylor screaming “But daddy, I love him!” which is her way of retaliating because she was forced to hide her pride. She’s being facetious and fucking with people by creating a boy-crazy scandal. The phrase “the funny thing is” is used to introduce something unexpected or ironic that provides humor to a situation. I think she is literally calling out the irony of her writing in a way that convinces people she’s boy-crazy when she’s writing about being queer.
But brings lovers closer
The more you try to keep us apart, the closer we become
We came back when the heat died down
The phrase “the heat dies down” is often used in detective or crime stories to describe when someone hides out until the heat subsides, allowing them to move around without fear of being caught. To put the heat on someone often refers to trying to persuade or force them to do something.
**Went to my parents and they came around
All the wine moms are still holding out**
If you’re holding out for something, you refuse to accept something that you do not think is good enough and you continue to demand more.
But fuck 'em, it's over
If the two who were supposedly forced apart are now back together, what’s over? If the "wine moms" are holding out for her to leave this person they think isn’t good enough for her, but she’s saying it’s over, why would they still be holding out? Unless they’re holding out for her to find her prince charming, but she's telling them she's looking for something else.
**Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and
Even my daddy just loves him
I'm his lady, and oh my God
You should see your faces
Time, doesn't it give some perspective**
This reminded me of the lyrics to Peter: ‘As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return, With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you've learned 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned'
Masquerade means to be disguised or passed off as something else
She could also be saying “in time, you'll be able to see it for what it is” to the same people she’s telling they can’t come to the wedding.
**No, you can't come to the wedding
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Ending it here cause the rest is just outro
I hope this made sense and I'd love to hear other people's thoughts if you were able to make it to the end lol Also, I hope including the definitions of some words doesn't seem patronizing. The literal definitions of words help me with context a lot so that's why I've included them.

012.M42 On a bleak and dreary world caked with the ashes of thousands, a figure clad in black moves swiftly through the rubble and debris of the quiet battlefield. They trudged through No Man’s Land with the scrapped ruins of tanks both from the Imperial Guard and the Raven Guard. The figure was a part of this long lived chapter, yet they did not share the close bonds of brotherhood they’d drawn on for 10,000 years. The figure had spent many of these millenia frozen and preserved in stasis despite the gene enhancements given to them by the Imperial Genewrights on Terra. Preserved, but always knowing they were displaced out of time and should have passed on long ago. Duty to the chapter and to their Lady of Vengeance has kept them motivated to assist her Sons whenever they could, many called the figure a ghost, but those who knew them more personally called the Nightingale.
Nightingale surveyed the torn apart battlefield with their infrared goggles and binoculars for any survivors that might have held on until now. A fleeting pass time the cloaked figure did to update casualty reports, recover wargear important to the Imperial’s effort, and bring any memorabilia back to those waiting. Nightingale was however on a mission of utmost importance for the Raven Guard and that was to work with the other infiltration and scout teams sent out to survey and record any data or troop movements of the Word Bearers chapter that had come to this world to raze it to the ground. Nightingale was only ever awoken for dangerous and important operations like this. Dark Apostles and howling demonic creatures were seen in greater numbers than ever before amidst the large amount of Word Bearers. This had all the makings of a major Sector wide conflict that was to begin on this world and Nightingale wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
Suddenly Nightingale’s eyes perked up as they saw something on the thermal imaging of their goggles. A figure larger than any Space Marine, even one in terminator armor coming directly towards their position. A flash of fear overtook Nightingale and made them move with the tuned reflexes of a well trained infiltrator as they began to weave into a destroyed building. Yet before they could move deeper in Nightingale felt a telekinetic grip seize upon their chest and slam them into the side of a destroyed ash covered building. Nightingale felt their breath explode out of their lungs and spit coat the inside of the mask they always wore to cover their face. One goggle cracked and popped off from the force of the push to expose a focused and cold green eye that quickly met a pair of goatlike red eyes. A perfect smile crested the large figures face, her features were twisted far from the soft and warm glow she’d always presented during the Great Crusade, her Golden Tattoos written in Colchisian script were replaced with blasphemous and hateful script of an indecipherable maddening nature. “Looking for your lost Raven, Songbird?” Aurelia the Urizen asked in a prim and proper voice oozing with liquid gold. Yet any attempt for such honeyed words to elicit any response from the pinned figure was met with grunts of struggle.
“Oh don’t struggle so my dear friend, after all we wouldn’t want Corvess to be upset that I look like I’m causing you any discomfort now.” Her mocking tone gives way to show just how arrogant she’d truly become in the last 10,000 years. Nightingale wanted to spit venom at her, but knew that it would only fall on the deaf ears of this traitor. “Do you wish to know where she is? We’ve had the pleasure of meeting her and I over the last 10,000 years that you’ve been asleep and Corvess has been quite the frequent visitor to my realm. Our darling Raven Queen and myself have grown closer than ever now even since Isstvan 5.” Her words make the figure reach faster than a mortal could catch to a hip holster containing a plasma pistol. The bright ball of star fire exits the weapon and slams into Aurelia, though a telekine shield absorbs the blow distracting her for but a heartbeat. A distraction Nightingale used to hit a distress beacon in their toolbelt, broadcasting a radio signal that could be picked up on the Raven Guard’s channels and in their MK.6 Corvus Pattern helmets.
“You know striking out at your ‘Sister-in-law’ is most unkind. Then again I’d expect nothing less from a droll and unenlightened soul like yourself. Whatever Corvess saw in you, I will never see and she should have left you on your backwater homeworld where you belonged as the fool you are.” Her words didn’t even reach Nightingale, their attention was drawn to the jutting pieces of rebar, bent tank barrels, and other perches around the twisted and destroyed city turned battleground. An odd sight began to appear around the supposedly dead industrial center of this world, a murder of Ravens had appeared, each of them red eyed and subtly different to the Terran Avian. All of them had sharper metallic sheened beaks, razor like feathers, and they all turned a burning and hateful gaze towards Aurelia.
The Urizen’s attention was drawn to the gathering birds with a smile on her face as she hefted her Power Maul ‘Illuminarum’ high into the air to bring it down on the restrained Nightingale. “Such a shame you couldn’t see your Raven Queen one last time, though she’ll have to settle for your corrupted corpse when I lay it at her feet.” Nightingale prepared for death to come, the Maul to drop and their head to be pulverized without another word, their eyes however drew up to a larger raven traditionally Terran Raven from the other far more demonic ravens perched around. ‘Lenore…you are still with us.’ Nightingale thought to themselves as they smiled one last time and saw the mace swing down.
Yet death did not come, all they could hear now was the sharp screech of metal upon metal that erupted out of the ashen silence filling the air with sparking noise of metal and power fields meeting. Nightingale opened their eyes and beheld some kind of creature made of purest inky black, numerous large red avian eyes opened up throughout the entire pool of standing darkness itself as if to drink in its surroundings of all the meager light that dared shine on it. The eyes focused on Nightingale and Aurelia both, they glowed with hatred towards the Urizen, an old burning hatred that blazed into an inferno as the two large figures clashed. The eyes focusing on Nightingale didn’t have that innate malice in them though, they looked at their body and then they met that one exposed green eye. A spark of what could only be recognition lit up in them and the shadowy figure pushed Aurelia back with a swift boot of smoking shadow. With a growl Aurelia was sent back as the shadows took up a far more recognizable form, one which made Nightingale's twin hearts skip several irregular beats. A mouth that hadn’t spoken in 10,000 years finally opened and a voice uttered one name that hadn’t been spoken since their disappearance millenia ago. “Corvess.” Nightingale’s disused voice breathed out the words in a rapsy gasp. Raspy as it was, it carried all the weight and hollowness that the figure had felt since their Raven Queen’s disappearance, the longing to see her once more having driven an ice cold stake through Nightingale’s heart.
Jet black eyes like that of an empty void looked at Nightingale, softly drifting ash winds swept her longer black hair against her porcelain white features. Her face set into a marbled stare of perfection, like a statue had been brought to life by the Galaxies most skilled artisans. Yet the eyes and mouth moved unlike any statue Nightingale had ever seen and twisted into a face of cold rage. The voice echoing from her perfect lips speaking in a tone that Nightingale had almost forgotten. Yet each word from her reinvigorated their spirit and filled their 2 hearts with new life and purpose. “Did you think you’d be able to escape my talons Aurelia? I said I would hunt you down and take my revenge upon you for your betrayal…” Corvess said coldly.
Aurelia just laughed and raised Illuminarum high, her eyes blazing with witch fire as her psyker powers erupted from her demonic connection to the warp. “Bold of you Sister to think you’d be able to slay me.” Nightingale felt their body drop to the ground while the corrupted Primarch began focusing their psychic might on the black clad Raven Queen. Corvess looked back to Nightingale and tilted her head the slightest bit, the gesture showing the consort to the Lady of Ravens all they needed to know. This was not a duel for mortals to get in between, Demi Gods that could tear earth and sky asunder was about to take place and no one would want to be in the middle of it all. Corvess lunged at Aurelia, sweeping aside the downward swings of her corrupted sister’s power maul with one of her lightning claws. The second claw thrusted forward only for Aurelia to chuckle mirthfully as a twist of her foot sent the haft of her maul into the claw’s path.
The two primarch’s began to dance back and forth, faster than any mortal or gene enhanced eye could follow. Nightingale still tried to keep pace though and felt their head spin when all they caught was a brutal kick from Aurelia to Corvess’s side sending the Raven Queen into a concrete pillar. Aurelia pulled the cracked pillar down attempting to batter her sister with it, Corvess sliced it in half as it came on and rolled to the side when the Urizen slammed her mace into the pillar’s path to catch the swung arm. Claw and Mace scraped together in the ring of steel and sparking power fields, neither Primarch seeming to gain an advantage on the other while their blindingly fast duel continued.
Nightingale climbed out of the quickly crumbling building with all the athleticism and acrobatics their gene enhanced body was gifted with. The destroyed building entrance glowed faintly with the flickering remains of sunlight still shining through the layer of ash in the city as Nightingale ran towards it. They sprinted out of the entrance just in time for an explosion of dust and debris to come rocketing out with the force of a Krak missile. Nightingale spun around and saw Corvess standing tall, her black hair hanging around her in a messy mop looking as unkempt and disheveled as she had been when they’d last seen one another. Yet those solid black eyes of hers were clear, clean and serene with the certainty of purpose Songbird had never seen before even during the Great Heresy.
Out of the dust though a bolt of warp lightning burst forth with the smell of sickening ozone. Corvess was already dodging, weaving aside into the shadows of fallen rubble. It was always something to see when the Raven Queen called upon her innate abilities to become one with the shadow, like a swimmer diving into a pool with the greatest of ease. Yet now Nightingale saw it was something more, she didn’t just meld into shadow like she had always done before, it was more like she became one with shadow itself. Multiple bolts of warp lightning were hurled at the destroyed buildings walls and blasted them outwards to further shake the building. Aurelia growled in frustration, unable to find her black clad sister in the dust and smoke despite her demonically and gene enhanced senses.
Nightingale knew better than to just stand around, even as they knew Corvess wouldn’t appreciate any interloper coming between this fated meeting of two Primarch’s. Still despite the Raven Queen’s naysaying her Songbird wasn’t about to let her fight alone, not when they’d just gotten her back. No, something had to be done or reinforcements would have to be summoned in the least. Nightingale looked down and groaned in dismay to see their vox haler was broken beyond repair thanks to the psychic grip of Aurelia.
Fortune however seemed to smile on this mortal today as they spotted a broken down Rhino transport tank of the Raven Guard’s 3rd Company ‘Ghoststalkers.’ A smile crept across Nightingale’s lips as they ran into the tank seeing that it’s primary weapon was still intact. The infiltrator took a deep breath as their one remaining goggle began to scan over the damaged circuitry of the vehicle, sturdy as Astartes tanks were, Nightingale hoped that the machine spirit would grant one last request before the machine spirit was permanently silenced. Their black gloved fingers began hitting activation runes on the control panel, sparks flew up and down the circuitry as the Machine Spirit began to hum into life again. “Come on…” Nightingale whispered while they turned on the outer camera to try and begin the firing sequence and line up a shot.
The shadows coalesced again in a cloud of blades and metal beaks which began to peck at the demonically corrupted Primarch and slice ever more at the building around them. Rockcrete and steel were cleanly cut through by the shadow as the building began to shake more around them. Materializing fully once more Corvess and Aurelia matched each other blow for blow, psychic might meeting peerless skill while the two sister’s glared with perfect hatred into each other’s eyes. “When I’m through with you, your pathetic chapter, and your darling little Songbird will know terror beyond belief before I feed them to the warp.” Aurelia sneered as she tried to bring the unbalance of emotion into Corvess’s mind. Yet the Shadowed Lady fought coldly and without emotion despite Aurelia’s pithy barbs. “Save your idle talk for your fallen sons and followers. They’re more akin to listen and follow along with your blasphemous sermons.” Corvess slammed her boot into Aurelia’s leg to bend her low.
The mighty power armor of the Urizen buckled for a moment while Corvess raised her lightning claws dripping with shadow up to impale her sister. Suddenly the Dark Ladies ears perked up when she heard Nightingale activating the high pitched shriek of their distress signal to draw the Raven Queen’s attention. Corvess didn’t even look back as she brought a knee into Aurelia’s nose and shattered it with a sickening crunch of cartilage and sinew to stun her. Spreading her metal wings her jetpack silently roared into life and boosted upwards to get her out of the blast zone just as Nightingale depressed the trigger on the tanks main cannon.
A heartbeat later the tank shell fired and hit Aurelia dead on with its explosive payload, the shell shook the building around it dangerously as an eruption of smoke and dust billowed out of the ruined building. Nightingale knew that a trick like that would be more than enough to kill an ordinary marine or one clad in Terminator Armor, yet they knew better than to count a Primarch out like that, especially one with psychic and demonic tricks. The infiltrator got up from their seat in the Rhino in seconds to begin a full evacuation of the tank before Aurelia could recover. But they were far too slow and the tank began to shake and shudder around them. They felt gravity begin to give way around them when the Rhino began to shake violently around them while it was slowly lifted into the air by Aurelia’s psychic might.
The dust and ember filled cloud cleared to reveal Aurelia entirely unharmed with crackling psychic energy weaving around them while they covered the tank’s outer shell in their telekinetic grip. Bringing her hands together Aurelia began to slowly crush the tank in her grip like it was an empty can. Nightingale was hopeless to remain on their feet as they were thrown back and forth, unable to keep their footing while they tumbled back and forward before slamming their head into the cockpit of the tank, their vision grew blurrier by the second as they felt blood trickle down their brow. The metal of the tank began buckling inwards and crushed Nightingale’s left arm under the destroyed control panel. The semi-conscious Infiltrator growled in pain as they snapped back to reality and began to brainstorm wildly about how to get out of the tank.
Nightingale swore and used their one good arm to reach for the power sword at their hip, trying to draw it forth so they could cut themselves free of the metal vice before it became their coffin. Though the pain of the tank twisting and crushing their arm stopped any further struggle. Aurelia let loose a wild laugh before she looked up as her attention was drawn to something. A black clad figure fast approaching down on her with silent wings of metal, flame, and shadow. Legs extended, the Raven Queen slammed both of her booted feet directly into the Urizen’s face to send her flying back into the nearly wrecked building with the force of a wrathful storm. The tank fell from Aurelia’s psychic grasp as it slammed into the ground, Nightingale gritted their teeth so as to not yell out in pain knowing that it’d distract Corvess from her duty to hear them in pain.
The destroyed building began shaking violently from the impact and began to give way around the two Primarchs. Corvess weaved into shadow once more becoming bodiless once again as they disappeared before Aurelia’s eyes. The Urizen was far too stunned with the massive head trauma she’d just sustained and could only begin to crawl to their feet when a quiet barely audible slice cut through the last support beams of the building. Corvess watched as the building began to tumble down on top of Aurelia burying her under a metric ton of rockcrete and steel. She knew despite her sister Aurelia being the weakest of the Primarchs that she was never going to be a pushover. She knew it wouldn’t be easy at all to kill her, yet thanks to Nightingale’s distraction Corvess had gotten the upper hand.
The Raven Queen looked back to the smashed tank and felt her gauntleted hands tighten into fists and her hearts to beat with uncertainty. Nightingale hadn’t escaped the tank in time, otherwise she’d have seen her Songbird amongst the still standing ruins or scrapped tanks. No…they were trapped in the tank and possibly injured, yet Corvess still had her duty to attend to by slaying Aurelia and denying the Word Bearers this world. Gritting her teeth Corvess turned back to the rubble pile only to see a bright portal open up and Aurelia throw off a massive slab of building off of herself. She was covering her smashed face with one gauntleted hand as it dripped the brightly colored red blood all transhuman’s bled. The Urizen glowered up at her sister hatefully before stepping into the portal as it shut behind the fallen Primarch.
Corvess just growled in frustration, she’d been so close again…only for the cowardly Word Bearers to always employ their warp sorcery to run when the fight started to turn against them. “Don’t worry sister, I have eternity to hunt you down. Whether it be today or tomorrow it will make no difference to me.” The Shadowed Lady whispered under her breath while staring up at the smoke filled sky. Then Corvess looked back to the tank and began to silently walk towards it, her battle plate entirely noiseless as the Raven Queen felt those pangs of uncertainty in her hearts again. ‘How will they react when they see what I’ve become?’ ‘How will they resent me after leaving them alone for all these years?’ ‘Will my sons even believe I have returned after 10,000 years of absence?’ ‘What will I even say to them?’ These questions and more ran through Corvess’s mind quicker than a blink as her Primarch mind took in all the information in a second. She shook her head, she’d deal with that later. Right now the person she loved needed her more than anything, she also sensed they’d need to have a much needed conversation.
Nightingale felt the pressure alleviate off of their crushed arm as a large set of arms peeled the metal back. The infiltrator felt arms hauling them up as well, the barely conscious human opening their eyes to withhold a beautiful sight. She had the palest features hewn out of softest marble, her face was set in a grimly determined mask of duty, her black eyes shining like polished onyx orbs. Light danced across them and shined with the radiance of distant stars in the night sky. Nightingale felt themselves swallowing back words, emotions, and dread when she looked down upon their form. “I must look like a dreadful sight.” The operative said with a slight tinge of humor in their voice, though they found it shaking with nerves.
“No, other than the dust and broken arm you look fine my Songbird.” Corvess said, her mask of dark duty beginning to slowly melt from her face.
Nightingale felt their breath catch in their chest, it’d been so long since they’d heard those soft and gentle tones of the Raven Queen. So long since they felt comfort or warmth from anything since she’d left for parts unknown. “You always know what to say…to make my hearts beat like a youth in the Schola.” They felt their throat getting tighter with the nerves of it all, the questions wanted to come flowing forth all of the pent up emotion inside of the mortal infiltrator needed an outlet now that she was back. Yet when Nightingale tried to to reach for any questions to ask their dearest Raven Queen only one thing came to mind. “Are you well, my love?” They asked in Corspake the sign language of the Raven Guard. With the broken arm it was a slow and labor filled process, but one that needed to be communicated when words would not come to Nightingale’s mouth.
Corvess stopped walking for a moment and looked down to her Songbird and gently smiled. The Shadowed Lady felt herself smile for the first time in 10 millennia, a warm and soft smile that barely upturned her dark lips, one that would have been unnoticeable to the untrained eye. Nightingale saw it though and that smile was all they needed to see. “As well as I can be my songbird.” She replied in Corspake. “I’m sorry, for leaving you like this. For all these millennia, they’ve been hard upon you, and they’ve been hard upon my sons. I know this, I’ve been watching you all when I can. Your continued duty is still being done for the good of the Imperium of Man.” Corvess said softly in that tone of hers barely above a whisper.
Nightingale just drank it in and sighed softly after laying in her arms in silence. “But, where did you go? What kind of power let you transform in such a way? Why didn’t you come back sooner-?” A gentle armored finger was placed against Nightingale’s lips to stop any further questioning.
Corvess’s eyes looked down and gently shook her head. “Now isn’t the time for questions like that my Songbird. I’ll have plenty of time to explain that later. For now let us just enjoy the silence in each other’s company as we did back on Deliverance.”
Nightingale saw pain in her eyes now and wisely shut their mouth, preferring instead to lay their head against Corvess’s broad power armored bulk. Breathing deeply they began to alleviate the dull throbbing pain of their broken arm through the clearing of their mind and focusing on the soft rhythmic footsteps of Corvess Corax. The first moment of peace the two had truly shared since the Great Heresy 10,000 years ago now. Had it really been that long? 10,000 years of them not seeing one another? It’d only felt like a few weeks since Nightingale had said their silent goodbyes to Corvess as she boarded a shuttle to head towards the ends of space to hunt the traitors alone for attonement of past crimes. That was the last time Nightingale had ever thought towards the future, for 10,000 years they’d only thought about the mission at hand and the overall task of finding Corvess again. The black clad woman and the smaller mortal in her arms just sat in silence for a long while as she walked while the infiltrator began to think.
Nightingale’s thoughts looked towards the future of things. Seeing their Primarch returned would reinvigorate the Raven Guard and their successor chapters while bringing more hope back to the beleaguered Imperium of Man. A third returned Primarch would be one of the greatest boons for all. A hidden dagger for the enemies of the Imperium to fall before they’d even reached the Imperium’s doorsteps. Nightingale felt their deep thoughts break apart however when they felt themselves being set down by Corvess on a piece of rubble.
“I must leave you now. My duty is still undone and my wayward sister’s plans are yet to be unraveled.” Corvess began to turn around when they felt a hand close around theirs.
“I know you have to leave…but when will I see you again?” Nightingale asked, pain evidently clear in their voice.
Corvess felt an icy grip close around her hearts as she turned around to her Songbird. “Why…why would you want to see someone like me again? I abandoned you to chase my sister’s across the galaxy and further. I left the Imperium to its fate all to pursue my selfish personal vengeance. I’ve embraced what I was meant to be and I’m now less human than I already was. How can you still love a creature of shadow like me?!” Corvess asked, the long held emotions held back by a mental dam that was about to break. Yet all Corvess felt was Nightingale wrapping their one good arm around her in a quiet and warm embrace.
“Because you’re the woman I chose to love, no matter what.” Nightingale said simply, their hug only growing tighter.
Corvess was stunned now, her logical mind long lost amidst the emotional turmoil that’d bubbled to the surface after millennia of isolation and loneliness. The Raven Queen gently returned the hug, a single tear falling out of her black eye while the two exchanged a long awaited embrace.
After what felt like an eternity the two finally separated and Corvess looked down at Nightingale. “My Songbird. I’d hate to ask you to wait, but.” She choked back the pain in her voice and refixed her mask of duty onto her procelain features. “My duty is still not done, they’re still out there my traitorous sisters. I must take them down. For the good of the galaxy.” Corvess said softly, only to look down at Nightingale who was standing up on a piece of rubble to be head height with the Shadowed Lady. Looking her in the eyes now the stealthy infiltrator brought the Raven Queen in for a soft kiss under the setting sun. It was only an instant, a brief and tender moment between the two. Yet it said more than any words could say.
Corvess just nodded in agreement and held Nightingale’s hand one last time. “Until I see you again my love.” She said gently.
“May shadow hide your steps Corvess.” Nightingale replied to the Raven Queen lovingly.
Corvess turned around and in a blink she was gone into the darkness of the night. The only thing that remained of the Raven Queen was a single long black feather floating to the ground. With their one good hand Nightingale picked it up and began to head back to the Raven Guards main line camp with the feather twirling between their fingers. They’d need to give a detailed report to chapter command, get their arm fixed, and figure out what was next in the wider planetary war. Unknown to the infiltrator they were smiling despite all the upcoming work they’d have to do, smiling that after so many years they knew their Raven Queen still lived, that they’d finally found her. Now, all they needed to do was be patient and she would return. Return and be found Once More.

One wrong turn.
That’s all it takes to completely flip what should be a routine, normal road trip on its head. I’m fairly certain most of you reading this have made the mistake. You’ll be driving along, not a worry in the world beyond what you’ll eat later on or where you’ll stay for the night, guided by a paper map, or, more commonly these days, by the GPS navigation in your car or phone. But then, you’ll look up and realize: Either the GPS routed you the wrong way or has lost reception entirely, or you lost track of which roads you’ve taken on a paper map. And that’s when you do it. You make the fateful decision to turn one way or the other, and end up in the middle of Nowheresville. Population: Who the hell knows?
Most of the time, it’s no big deal. You’ll realize you messed up, pull over and choose to turn around. All that happens is you lose a few hours, and at worst, you’ll end up reaching your destination late with a bit of a humorous story to laugh about for months and years to come.
But sometimes, just sometimes…the consequences can be far more terrifying.
My job requires me to travel all across the eastern United States to act as an in-person liaison for my employers. I’ve spent most of the last eight years behind the wheel, driving from state to state. I developed what I always believed to be an infallible sense of direction, and due to a distrust of most modern technology, I never used any electronic form of navigation. “Just give me a paper map and I’m golden!” That was what I always said. Never before had I any reason to doubt myself; after all, I had never gotten lost before.
That was, until that night.
I'd just finished up a meeting in Pittsburgh that evening, and after a quick supper, received word to head for New York. From the moment I hit the road, I knew it was going to be a rough night. After getting onto I-76, I found myself surrounded by slow-moving traffic due to a bad accident up ahead. By the time I was waved around the scene just outside Monroeville, the bright orange digital dash clock told me it was close to midnight. Great, and I’ve still got a good two or three hundred miles to go. Not wanting to deal with any more traffic, I consulted the tattered map on the passenger seat. I’ll hop on over to the 30, take that east to Breezewood, and then hop back on the 76. It’ll be slightly longer, but whatever. I’d rather deal with that than this jam-up.
My decision made, I found the interchange and put my foot down. Thankfully, it was far less packed than the 76, and I made it to the Breezewood by two-thirty. The town was tiny; according to the welcome sign with a population of just over a thousand people, and aside from the gas stations, all the buildings were dark as their residents soundly slept in their beds.
I felt a slight pang of jealousy at the thought as I stood under the buzzing fluorescent lights, leaning against the car as I watched the numbers creep up on the display. I sighed. “There are times I wish I didn’t have to go all over the gaff” I muttered, using the phrase I’d learned from a pal in London. It wasn’t the first time I’d felt it; I knew for a fact I couldn’t do this forever, and after almost a decade, I was beginning to consider seeking a transfer to a different department. When I get back to Boston, I’ll ask Hargrieve if there’s any openings I can jump into in the near future.
The sound of a rumbling engine tore me away from my thoughts, and I looked up to see what a black muscle car pulling into the station. As it slid under the lights, I caught a glimpse of the Pontiac logo adorning the grille, as well as the GTO badge on the quarter panel. I let out a soft, low whistle. Man, that’s nice. Either a ‘66 or ’67, by the look of it. The car stopped at the pump opposite me, and what I can only describe as two Greasers straight out of the fifties or sixties stepped out. They both wore black leather jackets, along with faded denim jeans and engineer boots, and their hair had been slicked back into place with what appeared to be a pound of pomade each. Almost instantly, I felt a sense of wariness fall over me. I could tell these were the kind of people that parents often warned their teenager children about growing up. The kind from the wrong side of the tracks. The driver turned in my direction as he slammed his door shut, eyes sliding over my car and lingering a few moments longer than I liked. My wariness increased. Even though my car was thirty-six years old, I knew the BMW logo on the hood and wheels often drew people’s attention, and not always for the best reasons.
I turned away from the pair, looking again at the readout on the pump. Come on, man. Hurry the hell up and finish. The numbers continued to increase. I tapped my foot impatiently on the concrete. Behind me, I heard one of the men walk away, no doubt heading inside to pay. For a few more seconds, all that could be heard was the buzzing of the lights, and the buzzing of insects in the grass around the station. Then, with a loud click that sounded more like a gunshot in the stillness, the pump shut off. Thank God, took freakin’ long enough. I pulled the nozzle from the car and replaced it in its cradle, turning back to screw the gas cap in. Flipping the fuel door closed, I stood up and cast a final look around the station.
And reflexively took a step backwards.
The driver was still standing exactly where he had when I’d seen him eyeballing my car earlier. Only now, his gaze had shifted to stare straight at me. The expression that adorned his face was intense and beyond unpleasant; it was not far off the same a cat wears when it spies a mouse darting around with no place to run. I felt a huge chill shoot up my spine, and for a split second, I swore something about his eyes changed. To this day, I couldn’t explain what, but I’ll never forget the sudden, bone chilling surge of fear that rushed through my body. Even though I stand at six feet tall and well built, I suddenly felt like I was twelve years old again, cornered by the school bullies in the locker room with a horrible fate in store for me.
I blinked my eyes a few times, shaking my head. For a moment, the feeling remained. Then it dissipated. I risked another look up. The man was still looking at me, but the expression on his face had gone. If it had even been there to begin with. Instead, he gave me a slightly amused and perplexed look. “You okay, man?” he asked. His voice was deep, the gravely tone in it giving him away as the two pack of Marlboro a day type. I let out a deep breath, then nodded curtly at him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long night” I turned away, giving my head another fierce shake as I rubbed my eyes. You were just seeing things, Michael. The combination of late night driving and the lights made you hallucinate. You didn’t actually see that.
“Maybe you should grab a coffee or something before hittin’ the road again, then. Seen far too many nasty wrecks from people who fell asleep at the wheel” The words the man spoke had been similar to the ones I’d been thinking, and I swung my gaze up again. The amused expression remained, but I thought I could see a trace of concern beneath it. For a moment, there was silence between us. Then I spoke. “Yeah. Yeah, that might be a good idea” I turned towards the gas station, then stopped, turning back to nod more pleasantly at the man. “Thanks” He had turned away to stare at the pumps, and in response, he raised a hand over his head. Maybe I made a mistake with my first impression. I still get the feeling he’s a dick, but he’s not the Stephen King-like antagonist I originally thought him to be. Just goes to show you appearances can be deceiving.
A few minutes later, I emerged from the store with a steaming Styrofoam cup in my hands. Crossing back to my car, I opened the door and slid behind the wheel. The hot liquid immediately snapped me awake, and after a few sips, I sat it in the custom cup holder I’d rigged up on the air vent. Sliding the key into the ignition, I twisted it, and the car growled to life along with a few sharp electronic chimes. Reaching over, I snapped the radio on; along with the coffee, music would help keep me focused. A low wave of static spilled out of the speakers, indicating I’d long since driven out of range of the station I’d listened to last. Figures. I stabbed the scan button, then settled back in my seat. After a few sharper bursts of static, the speakers filled with a loud radio stinger, followed by a man’s voice.
“Attention, wives! Win five dollars cash this Mother’s day on WWDS! May 12^th, when you get the signal, call WWDS and record your voice. If your husband or son can identify the sound of your voice when played on the air, you win! Now, on to number 28 on WWDS’ Fab’ Forty, up a notch over the past week, Roy Orbison!” The opening chords and lyrics of In Dreams filled the car’s interior. I let out a small chuckle and shook my head. Good song choice, but holy crap, this county must be stuck in the sixties with that kind of contest. Five freakin’ dollars. Continuing to laugh softly, I put the car into drive and pulled out of the station, noting vaguely that the greasers had already left. Approaching the road back to the 30, I reached over and picked up the map, unfolding it on my lap to see where I was, and more importantly, how to rejoin the 76.
My chuckles morphed into a loud groan. A large tear, one which had been hidden from me, took up a large space in the bottom of the paper. Directly through the area I needed. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me…” I shot a quick glance around. I had slowed to about five miles an hour, and though nobody else was merging back onto the road with me, I didn’t want to turn around and head back to ask for directions. I hissed through slightly gritted teeth. “Shit” Then I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. Just relax, man. There will surely be a sign indicating when the change will be coming up. Just keep your eyes peeled for it, and you’ll be golden. Nodding to myself, I pushed down on the accelerator, the V12 growling as it downshifted, and I flew out of Breezewood. Passing by a hotel and a few other gas stations, I stared intently through the windshield.
The low, looming shape of what had to be a church and accompanying cemetery was approaching rapidly on my left when I spied it. It was set far off from the side of the road, almost completely obscured by tall grass and reeds. But caught in the beam of my headlights, the numbers were unmistakable, as was the arrow that angled off to the left. “Yes!” I whispered softly. I slowed the car, flicking on the blinker as I saw what had to be the entrance, which angled slightly up a hilly incline. Making sure that nobody was approaching in the opposite lane, I gunned the throttle and merged onto the turnpike.
I found myself on a four lane highway, the two opposite lanes divided by a well-kept grass median. Streetlights were set along both sides in intervals of several dozen yards, the dull, orange glow of what had to be high pressure sodium bulbs seeming to shoo the surrounding darkness away and momentarily illuminating the BMW’s interior every time I flashed under one. In Dreams was ramping up to its climax, and Orbison’s falsetto was calming, allowing me to relax back into the seat and stare out the windshield. After a moment, though, something clicked in my brain, and I quickly looked around. With a sense of surprise, I realized I didn’t see a single other car or truck on the road. Well, it is getting on to close to three in the morning. Especially in a rural area like this, not many are going to be out driving. They’re all in bed.
The song ended, and the announcer’s voice came on again. “Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed that tune. As for me, I’ll be signing off for the night, but for you night owls and late-night travelers, stay tuned, because up next we have the dynamic duo of Elvis and Jayne, who will be discussing Pennsylvania’s spookiest events and taking your calls. We’ll see you tomorrow morning with the AM newscast!” I let out a snort. “This should be interesting. At least it’ll definitely keep me awake” I picked up the cup of coffee and took another sip, sparing a glance down at the speedometer. The needle sat almost dead on at sixty-five miles an hour. Hopefully I made the right call and won’t encounter any more accidents. Early morning Manhattan traffic is hell on earth.
My attention focused back on the radio as organ music began to spill from the speakers. I couldn’t help but let out another snort; it was obvious the music was meant to evoke a spooky atmosphere, but in reality, it sounded more like what you’d expect to hear in a low budget haunted house. After a few more moments, it faded out, and what I can only describe as the sultriest women’s voice I’ve ever heard began to speak. “Hello, all you late night listeners. To all the night owls, graveyard shift workers, wandering travelers, and of course, all the ghosts and ghouls tuning in. Welcome once again to Late Night Spooks. As always, I’m your host Jayne, and I’m joined by my eternal co-host Elvis. We’re here to fill the witching hour with tales that will leave you lying in your beds, blanket tightly tucked up around your chin as you gaze around. Wondering, what may be staring back at you from the darkness” Now I let out a full-blown laugh. “Oh my good God, this is so fucking cheesy, man!” I slapped the steering wheel a few times. “I already freakin’ love this!”
The man-Elvis-cut in. “That’s right folks. We’re here to tell you tales that will send shivers straight up your spine, and make you wonder just how real the supernatural truly is. And, of course, as the show goes on, we will be taking calls from you to discuss our topic tonight. Jayne, you want to tell that what that is?” The woman spoke up again. “Absolutely, Elvis. Tonight, we are going to be focusing in depth on some of the most unexplainable, eeriest disappearances of people in Pennsylvania. We have cases to share with you, ranging from long, long ago, to, well, shall we say recent memory. Up first, let’s discuss the strange disappearance of a judge in 1930-”
The woman continued to speak, but my attention was pulled away as the car rounded a slight bend. Ahead of me, I saw a small, white sign sitting next to the side of the road. Single Lane, Keep Right. Swinging my gaze farther up the road, I spied the unmistakable, gaping maw of a tunnel. Two lights set at the entrance by what had to be the air ducts illuminated lettering which spelled out the tunnel’s name. Rays Hill. I lightly tapped the brakes, slowing the car to about forty as I saw that the highway did, in fact, narrow into two lanes. Inside, I could see the tunnel was lit up by dozens more lights. I felt a slight sense of discomfort well up inside me; I always had a small case of claustrophobia whenever I had to travel through any tunnels, whether they went underground, or in some cases, underwater. Watching films like Daylight as a kid really didn’t help. It's fine, man. Just drive through it, and you’ll be fine. I took a deep breath, then with a loud exhale, I stepped back on the gas and entered the tunnel.
As I slid inside the concrete behemoth, the woman’s voice faded, replaced instead with the soft hiss of static. I caught a tiny snippet of what she was saying. “Elvis, would you provide us with some backsto-” I groaned. “Oh, what?! Come on, man! Just when it was getting interesting?!” I hit the button to raise the power antenna in a vain attempt to regain the signal, but it was no use. There was too much ground and concrete in the way to get reception. Of. Fucking. Course. Sighing, I turned down the volume but did not shut the radio off completely; once I made it out the other side, I wanted to pick up the show immediately. With nothing else to occupy my concentration, I focused fully ahead on the road. It was just wide enough for two cars to pass by each other, though I wouldn’t have been surprised if many a side mirror had met their end in here. I’m glad there’s no eighteen wheelers coming the opposite way. That would be a nerve-wracking experience in itself. I let out a soft chuckle at the thought, but the truth was, the silence that had filled the car’s interior with the absence of the radio was beginning to become uncomfortable. Wanting to have some form of audile stimulation, I hit the button to lower the driver’s window.
The sound of the tires humming along the pavement immediately met my ears, along with the soft hum of the exhaust as they bounced off the walls and ceiling. It relaxed me somewhat, and I felt the tension slowly ease away. A yawn escaped my lips, and I blinked my eyes at the sudden sense of fatigue that settled in its place. Coffee. I leaned over and picked up the cup, sparing one quick glance ahead before tilting my head back and taking a large gulp of the rapidly cooling drink. I returned my eyes to the road-
-And almost spit the coffee that remained in my mouth over the windshield. Sitting directly in the middle of the road was what appeared to be a man and a woman. They both straddled bicycles with handlebar mounted lights, their gaze fixated as they stared around and aimed flashlights at the ceiling. FUCK ME! I slammed both my feet on the brake pedal, dropping the cup and snatching for the emergency brake. The tunnel was filled with the sound of screeching tires as I yanked, the rear wheels locking up and the car beginning to slide sideways. “Shit!” I screamed, trying desperately to pull the wheel back straight and laying on the horn. For a split second, I saw the couple snap their heads in my direction as they involuntarily aimed their flashlights through the windshield, blinding me for a moment. Their faces filled with shock and horror, and they attempted to leap off their bikes and out of the way.
I jammed my eyes shut, not wanting to see them reduced to road kill, but kept my hands tight on the wheel as I felt the car begin to slow. A moment later, it skidded to a halt, rocking slightly on its suspension. For a few moments, the sound of my tires continued to echo in the confined space, and then it died away, replaced with an eerie silence. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt my breathing coming in short and shallow. Thoughts raced through my mind with all the speed of a Le Mans racecar. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I’m going to jail, man. I’ m going to jail and I’m going to lose my license and my job on top of the fact I probably just KILLED two people! Every fiber of my being screamed at me not to open my eyes. But I knew I eventually had to. Bracing myself for the scene that would be there, I forced my eyes open.
There was nobody there. No bicycles lay spilled and dented in front of my car. No bloodstains covered the hood and windshield. No crumpled forms lay in the beam of my headlights. For a moment, I simply stood there, shock numbing me as my eyes darted around. “I…what…?” Confusion joined the shock, and I stabbed at the seat belt release, yanking on the handle and practically kicking the door open. Leaping out onto the pavement, I gripped the top of the door as I peered over the hood. The road was empty. I spun around, looking behind me. Two long black marks which had been the rubber of my tires stretched away from me; back about eighty feet or so. Aside from that, though, there was nothing. No sign of any other living being.
That’s…that’s freakin’ impossible. I know I saw them there. I saw them look at me as if they hadn’t seen or heard me approaching. They should be here, either screaming at me or…they should be here. What the hell is going on?
A sudden, sharp chill shot up my spine, and on reflex, I shot a look behind me. A few hundred feet ahead, I could see the end of the tunnel and the darkness beyond. The soft sound of crickets chirping, punctuated by the sudden call of some nocturnal bird echoed down to me. Far from bringing me any sort of comfort, though, it made the sense of eeriness and paranoia which had suddenly fallen over me increase. I felt like a character in one of the books I loved to read as a kid, suddenly knee deep in something he couldn’t understand or comprehend. “Calm down, Michael. Calm down” I muttered to myself. As I stood there, still holding on to the top of the door, a new sound reached my ears, back the way I’d come. For a moment, I was unable to place it, then my mind connected the dots as I heard the rumble of an engine in the distance. A car. There’s another car approaching the tunnel.
Shooting a final glance around the tunnel, I quickly dropped back into the driver’s seat and swung the door shut. Sliding my seatbelt back on, I lowered the emergency brake and put the car back in drive. A moment later, and I was shooting out the exit into the night. Trying to calm myself, I reached up and hit the button for the sunroof, the panel pulling back and allowing more cool air into the car. As I settled back, I suddenly became aware that the radio had picked up the station again. The static had been replaced by the woman’s voice, almost inaudible over the rushing wind. Wanting to distract myself, I reached over and turned up the volume. “Well, thank you for your insights on that, Mrs. Clemens. That was truly a treat to discuss the case with you, thanks for the call. Coming up after the break, though, we’re going to discuss one of the stranger, more recent cases we’ve heard about, so stay tuned!” A commercial for a local amusement park began, and I tuned it out, vaguely aware of the amplified sound of the distant car behind me as it entered the tunnel.
There was something that had been incessantly repeating over and over in my mind since I’d stepped out of the car. It kept flapping around like the loose end of a film reel in my head. I shook my head. Knock it off, Mike. That’s beyond insane. You were panicking and your mind overloaded. Even if you…you just came across some unexplainable and terrifying, that’s still ridiculous. But it continued to gnaw at me. The image danced behind my eyelids when I blinked. Something I’d seen when the two had aimed their flashlights at me, blinding me. Just for a second, I thought I’d seen the tunnel…
I slapped the steering wheel, hard. “Knock it off! You didn’t see shit!” The irritation temporarily consumed the mental freak out happening in my head, and I looked out ahead of me. The turnpike had returned to four lanes, and I allowed my foot to press a little harder down on the accelerator, seeing the speedometer rise to seventy. Breathing deeply, I felt myself begin to relax a little. Outside of the tunnel in the open air, everything had rapidly begun to seem like a hallucination brought about by fatigue. I began to mentally chide myself. If they’d been real, you would be on the chopping block for involuntary manslaughter right now. Let this be a lesson to you: No matter what, if you’re tired, pull over and rent a motel room. Better to have Hargrieve chew you out than kill someone.
The commercial ended, and the sound of Jayne’s' voice returned, drawing my attention as I shot under an overpass of some sort. “Welcome back, listeners. I hope you enjoyed hearing about Hanson’s. Remember to get your butts up to Harvey’s Lake next weekend to take advantage of their two-for-one deal! Trust me; the Speed Hound is more of a scream with a friend! Now, let’s move on. Elvis, you want to introduce our next case?” The man spoke up. “It’d be my pleasure to, Jayne. Now, listeners, you know we love a truly spooky unsolved mystery here on our show. We’ve already covered some tonight. But this next one, is one that boggles my mind for sure. We’re going to discuss the disappearance of a man out near Breezewood!” I took my eyes off of the road for a second to glance down at the radio, letting out a strained chuckle. “Oh, boy. After what I just went through, hearing about something so close to where I’m at is gonna be freakin’ lovely” I ran a hand through my hair. Then I laughed a little more genuinely. “Wonder if it’ll be about any missing cyclists?”
The dark humor helped me relax further, and I reached down and flipped on the heated seat. A sudden bright stab of light reflected in my rear view mirror, and I cast a glance in my side mirror. A pair of headlights had appeared about a half a mile back, what must have been the car I’d heard in the tunnel. Feeling comforted by the sudden appearance of another person, I returned my attention to the show. “Now, folks, listener discretion is advised, because this is truly one hair-raising case. It begins at a gas station just off Route 30 in Breezewood. The time? Very close to right now, actually. According to authorities, the man showed up on surveillance footage pulling into the station and purchasing gas and a cup of coffee. The cashier stated that he seemed tired and a little frazzled. He stayed in the station for about fifteen minutes, before slowly pulling back out onto the road and out of sight”
At the man’s words, a huge chill ran up my spine, causing me to shiver. “Ugh. Jesus, this is quite literally hitting a little too close to home. I mean, I know that thousands of people do the exact same thing every day, even at gas stations like around here, but the similarity is eerie as hell” Off to my left, I saw the forest pull away, revealing what looked to be the darkened shape of a lake in the distance. The sight reminded me of better days; days of being a child and going for a swim in Walden Pond, watching my parents waving to me from the shore. Jayne spoke up. “That’s correct. Now, there are a few things that bother me about this case. The first is, after he left, he just seemed to drop off the face of the earth completely. Nobody recalls seeing him driving down the road after he left that night, and he never hopped onto the highway, either. The second is that according to the police, a second car was seen pulling in shortly after him and also getting gas. Let me just check my notes here…it says it was some sort of muscle car”
My eyes widened, and I felt the blood drain from my face. It felt as though I’d been hit by a truck, and a heavy pit had formed in my stomach. The paranoia and terror I’d felt back in the tunnel returned, but this time for a much different reason. Wait…a muscle car…that’s what those…oh, God. I spoke aloud. “Please, for the love of God, don’t say it was a Pontiac. Please, anything else” My prayers were not answered by Elvis’ next words. “I see here according to my own notes that the cashier claims it was a Pontiac of some sort. Either a mid sixties LeMans or GTO” The lump that had settled into my stomach rose into my throat, and for a moment I thought I was going to be ill. The fact I had seen, less than half an hour ago a car identical to the one being described in a missing person’s case was not just fear inducing- it was downright horrifying. I remembered catching the look the driver had given me, remembered feeling as though I were staring at a predator.
I might’ve locked eyes with a fucking murderer…
As Jayne began to speak again, I quickly flashed a look in the rear-view mirror. The car behind me had closed the distance, showing whoever it was, they had the pedal to the metal. It was still too far away for me to see anything beyond the headlights, though. I again focused my attention on the show as the woman continued to speak. “-and don’t forget that the cashier also mentioned how the man seemed more than a little disturbed by the two men in the Pontiac. He even said he felt something was off about them himself. According to him, the men were dressed in matching leather jackets, jeans, and boots. Both appeared to be in their early to mid-twenties as well” I was doing my best not to panic, but with each word the hosts were saying, my fear was compounding. Any doubt I’d been face to face with the same men had vanished with Jayne’s last words. A sudden, sharp stab of clarity broke through my mind.
I’ve got to call the cops.
Reaching down, I fumbled for my cell phone, which had slid across the passenger seat. Snatching it up, I tapped the home button, the screen flashing to life. And let out a massive groan. No bars were displayed in the upper right corner. “Fucking dead zone…” I hissed, throwing it back onto the seat. I pushed down harder on the accelerator, watching as the needle began to flirt with eighty. I began to mutter to myself “Okay, calm, Michael. Calm. You don’t need to panic and get yourself into an accident. Just get yourself out of the dead zone, and then call the police. Tell them you saw them back in that town, and what gas station you were at. They’ll be able to get the camera footage and nail these fuckers” I took several deep breaths, then focused back on the road. Elvis had started to speak up again, when the BMW jolted forward sharply. My head snapped forward, and I felt a sudden ache in my neck from the whiplash as it slammed back into the headrest. What the shit?! My eyes flickered to the rear-view mirror-
-And almost screamed at the sight that greeted me.
The car that had been far behind me had caught up to me somehow. It sat right on my ass, the headlights lighting up the interior as though it were suddenly daytime. The source of the jolt was immediately clear; they had driven straight into the back of me. That fact was terrifying enough. But it was the sight of the Pontiac emblem in the mirror that caused my heart to almost stop. I snapped my gaze to the side mirror, and felt another surge of terror as I saw the face of the man from the gas station behind the wheel. The expression adorning his face froze my blood in my veins, as did the shark like smile he wore. For a split second, it almost felt as though I were unable to look away from him. Then the car leapt forward with a roar again, bumping into me and causing my car to lurch forward again.
“Fuck me!” I shouted, the trance broken as I slammed the accelerator to the floor. For a moment, there was no response, and then the car downshifted, the V12 changing from a growl to a roar as the accelerator began to rapidly climb. To my relief, the car began to create some distance with the Pontiac, and I caught sight of the passenger finally. He wore an equally vile grin as his buddy, and he seemed to be gesturing for him to get after me. Not today, motherfucker, I thought. I kept my foot down hard, seeing the speedometer climb to ninety-five miles an hour. The wind from the open window and sunroof tore at my face, and I took one hand off the wheel for a split second to stab the buttons to close them. A second later, and the world outside became muted by the double paned glass. I returned my gaze to the road, occasionally sparing glances in the rearview. The muscle car appeared to falter for a moment. Then I saw it begin to close the distance again.
“Shit!” I’d hoped I’d be able to keep the gap between us, or even widen it. But the two must’ve clearly souped the GTO up, because it was managing to keep up just fine. I shot a glance down at the speedometer again. I felt my heart flutter as I saw I was now doing over a hundred and ten miles an hour. As I looked back up, I heard the muffled roar of the car behind me. A third jolt, this time a little less severe rocked the car on its suspension. I felt the back end step out slightly, and horrific images of sliding off the road to slam into a tree or rolling flashed in my mind. God, please let me survive this! Please let me escape these fuckheads in one piece! A flash of white suddenly captured my attention, and I looked up to see a sign zooming towards me. It flashed by a moment later, but I’d been able to see what it had said.
Sideling Hill Tunnel, 3 miles.
My grip on the steering wheel tightened. If I make one mistake in there at these speeds, I’m dead. I need to keep absolutely focused, and remember all the lessons from those defensive driving classes Dad forced me to take. As I began to try and formulate a plan that would help me survive until I reached civilization, I suddenly became aware that the radio was still on. Elvis’ voice spilled from my speakers, oblivious to the horror that was repeating itself mere miles from his broadcast station. “Oh, Jayne, before we begin to take any calls about this case, we almost forgot to mention the man’s name and what kind of car he was driving!” Realizing that it would be a distraction, one that could end up being fatal to me, I spared a glance in the mirror. The Pontiac was still far enough away. I began to reach out to snap the radio off.
But my fingers froze midway at the woman’s words.
“Of course, how silly of me! According to the police reports and surveillance footage, the man was driving a dark green 1988 BMW 750il, and had Massachusetts license plates”
The world seemed to slow to a crawl, as though somebody had hit a button on a VCR remote. I stared at the radio, feeling a sense of shock unlike anything I’d ever felt before wash over me. I….wait…what…?
All these weeks later, I can still perfectly remember the horror I felt at her next words.
“And it says here that the man’s name was Michael Goggins!”

This is just picking up where part one left off.
Kendrick’s last album attached with his old label TDE was Mr Morale and the Big Steppers. I found it interesting that he chose to make it so divisive. Aside from the aforementioned Kodak Black controversy, it was a very raw and personal album. Unless you really enjoy getting to know the ins and outs of the psyche of your favorite artist, you’d probably have a hard time ranking the album higher than some of his much more accessible and relatable ones in the past. I think this could stem from his approaching independence. Some other options could be him achieving all his financial, career goals, or winning a damn Pulitzer.
He also may have wanted to go in this direction simply because he was comfortable enough in his career to really bare his soul and confess to his sins and most shameful moments. It seems to have come in handy during this year’s diss exchange, which we have reason to believe was being planned around the same time he began working on the album if not earlier. I’ve even heard a few people claim that this album was the prelude to things popping off a couple months later. Another possible motivation could be that Kendrick was taking a page out of Eminem’s book. He is known for predicting his opponents disses and turning them around on his opponents. Sometimes he even disses himself which makes his opponent’s ammo useless because he does it better than they can. After making them look silly he uses his superior skills to absolutely unleash on them, similar to the way Kendrick did against Drake.
As I mentioned earlier, if Kendrick was intentionally setting Drake up with some shitty ideas for a diss track it could also explain how he was able to record responses before Drake had a minute to breath and regroup. Side note if you haven’t seen 8 Mile please take a mental note, it’s probably the best hip hop biopic ever. Fuck the N.W.A or Biggie movies, I want them to do ODB’s life story next or maybe Doom if Flylo directs it.
If you start with Section 80 and end with Mr Morale, the latter was probably the least enjoyable album for me personally. It’s also the one I listened to the least out of all his other albums, so it could always grow on me later like TPAB. I know I’ve gotten roasted for saying this before, but I’m sure everyone has a Kendrick album they like slightly more or less than the others. This isn’t to dismiss his talent and musical ability. The music itself on the album was incredible as always, I just wasn’t as moved by the lyrics. While I empathize with Kendrick, we are so different I’m not even going to pretend to relate to him and just respect him and appreciate his talent. I wouldn’t consider myself a huge fan and part of it is because I really don’t think I fit the profile of who Kendrick is making his music for. Still I have a lot of respect for him for staying true to himself. The world doesn’t revolve around me and not everything is made for mass appeal. The best music is usually pretty divisive and often somewhat controversial. I think it was a calculated move on Kendrick’s part and agree it could have been the prelude to many of the recent events.
Considering he made fun of Drake for using album before he actually did it, it’s not unlikely he was setting up possible topics for him to try and weaponize when he couldn’t find any solid dirt to counter what Kendrick had collected on him. There are a few other rumors that can be connected to the album besides the likely true infidelity rumors and the Dave Free rumors. As I’ve said the biggest connection is the common trend of label owners or industry high ups using musician’s loved ones as leverage for negotiations. These connections alone, some random allegations, possible tensions in a friendship, and possible marital tensions, all seem like pretty common life problems. It’s probably just as likely Kendrick is hitting his mid-life crisis a little earlier due to the trajectory of his career and life.
The fact that anyone can go more than a decade in the industry without losing their mind, their soul, or their bodily autonomy and somehow still manage to stay unproblematic and make awesome music is a testament to that artist’s resilience and talent. The fact there are some decent people like Kendrick in the industry helps me remember no one is perfect, but some people truly are good to the core and some are much worse than others.
Another artist I’ve always had a lot of respect for is Andy Milanokis. The guy has always seemed chill as hell and I can’t recall him being involved in any serious controversies. Considering he has been in the tv, movie, and music industries for over twenty years, I can’t help but give him my respect. He easily could have used his disease to be a total weirdo, but he’s always seemed to handle it in stride.
Sorry again for all the tangents I’ll try to keep it on track. One of the songs that probably contributed to the physical abuse allegations involving Whitney was the song We Cry Together. While there may be allusions to physical abuse and anger issues, it’s also very possible the song may be a testament to how people’s relationships will often end up displaying characteristics of the relationships you witnessed while growing up. The song stood out immediately because these days most couples don’t fight so intensely or so casually or at least won’t admit it to the world. The end of the song where they get horny and fuck could be also be to show that things might appear one way, but not be a huge deal. It could also just be a testament that no matter how much they fight they still love each other, but they just enjoy angry or makeup sex and a little drama.
While any of these could be the possible, if Drake is to be believed, Kendrick is alluding to verbal and possibly physical abuse in his relationship. In my opinion it’s a metaphor for how him or Whitney’s parent’s behaviors carried over into their relationship and how toxic this can be. Since Kendrick often discusses the effects of generational trauma pretty regularly, other examples including Mother I and some other sections of the album, I think my theory has at least some validity. If we are to believe there really was tension between the couple and that it was based off arguments related to the Dave Free rumors, at the least it seem less likely than some of the other theories I mentioned.
At the worst Kendrick is admitting to past verbal abuse and infidelity. As far as I know there is no mention of him getting physical with her, but if I’m wrong feel free to let me know in the comments. Although these things shouldn’t be just written off, another thing that gets mentioned in the album is him being told he needed therapy. If he did take that advice it’s possible the making of this album could have been inspired by something he gained from it. Around the time of it’s creation, he also had his second child and was starting his label. This would be enough to stress anyone out to the absolute max. It’s obviously still not an excuse to take those emotions out on others, especially loved ones. However if him and Whitney were able to work through these issues, which I think is very possible with time, dedication, and love, they may have been able to salvage things. Hopefully the fact they still seem to be together is a sign that Kendrick has learned from his past behavior and mistakes. On the other hand it could also be part of his plan to play dumb until he gets full ownership of his label like I’ve suggested before.
Another source that was pulled up after the beef was an old random YouTube video by an account called Okliar. I might be mixing this up, but I believe the woman in the video claimed to be a Las Vegas hotel security guard. In the video she talks about about how she was at work when she came across a s. worker who had been beaten apparently by a famous rapper. She then goes on to claim that she found out later it was Kendrick Lamar. While we can’t write it off completely it’s been noted she was a second hand witness and apparently Kendrick and a lot of his crew had rented separate rooms on the same floor. I’m not sure when the video was from, but it would be interesting to see if he fired or cut ties with any close crew members after the incident was alleged to take place. If there were ten guys that night it’s just as likely it could have been any of them. If there is a repeated pattern of Kendrick overlooking his friend or crew member’s sketchy tendencies like Drake has been accused of, it’s definitely not a good look. It would also help support the arguments by Drake fans that he’s being hypocritical.
I found this Reddit post featuring a Kendrick interview where he’s asked about it. Obviously he could always be lying, but it seems at the least he learned his lesson, because it has been ten years almost and that was the only similar allegation in his long, well regarded career. (If there are more that I’m unaware of I’ll update this section as well.) https://www.reddit.com/KendrickLamacomments/1cnd4ux/kendrick_clearing_up_the_rumors_of_the_las_vegas/
The last thing I want to share is a fantastic NPR article I found from around the Damn! area. It’s not closely tied to the beef, but still an interesting read if you have a minute. A few sections of the article engage in similar discussions to the ones I’ve been trying to facilitate and I think many are important to help see the bigger picture in all of this. https://www.npr.org/2017/12/12/568748405/the-prophetic-struggle-of-kendrick-lamars-damn
At the end of the day besides cheating and verbal abuse, which he himself alluded or admitted to, any of the other allegations against Kendrick are rumors with little more than circumstantial evidence and minor connections. I thought it was important to really dig into all sides of the beef, as well as to try and connect it the the bigger picture of issues within the industry. I believe these issues play a major role in what’s gone down in the aftermath as well. I also believe the same people who helped initiate everything we’re currently witnessing are also benefitting the most from it (most likely the labels). At the least they seem to be been working to shape the narrative that comes out in the end. As with most things they do, this is most likely for financial gain and the maintenance of power.
To close out this collection, I just want to talk about an experience I had recently while researching. I ended up having to remove a lot of info from the second section and still need to remove a good amount because I have to be very careful about sharing some of it due the subject matter. I randomly came across a very scary rabbit hole and I’m only mentioning this because I really want to encourage people to STAY away from anything that seems like it could be even remotely sketchy. Even if there is a lot of good evidence it’s best to avoid because they seem very serious about keeping these sites online and their true purpose hidden. They clearly have some ties to powerful people you would not want as your enemies and posting even a mention here could be a mistake you might not be able to take back. I swear this is not a joke and could have some very serious implications for anyone involved. I’m honestly pissed I can’t share a lot of my findings because I think they could be very important. I also spent hours researching, but I have to be careful sharing this type of information with anyone who might not respect the magnitude of these types of things.
Honestly I’m scared even saying this much. They seem to take any type of reports to any media, government, LE, or other any other agencies very seriously. I’ve mentioned before that there are things you don’t talk about unless you want to pretty much guarantee you end up getting some unwanted attention. Unless you got leverage like Kendrick and Ebony you shouldn’t be touching these things with a ten foot pole. I’m sure I’m on a list already just for browsing some of these sites, but I’m pretty boring and vanilla in real life when it comes to this stuff and it’s pretty clear it was just part of my research. The last thing I’d want though is to get the sub or any of its users in trouble. As long as I don’t implicate or mention anyone involved in any way, I should hopefully be good, but I plan to stay vigilant regardless. Experiences like these make me even more grateful towards those who were brave enough to stand up when they had the ability to do so. I feel like a piece of shit and like I’m intentionally suppressing good info, but for my safety and the preservation of my legal defense fund, it was a decision I had to make.
At the least I highly encourage everyone to read certain websites user and privacy policies before sharing any info from those sites directly or indirectly. Unless you want to possibly get sued into oblivion by a donut shop or some five star swinger hotel, these subjects should be approached with caution. Considering the implications of being revealed publicly, the ones behind the scenes probably don’t want any rumors circulating involving these types of allegations. One group even promises in their guidelines, they will pursue the maximum criminal damages if you pretty much mention their business in a negative way. This is how you could end up in a decade long court battle and end up “committing suicide,” or “dying mysteriously or prematurely,” if you don’t roll over and publicly detract your claims. Just think of the recent Boeing whistleblowers before you consider leaking any potential incriminating evidence about a corporation or large business. Again the chances of things going bad are just too high.
I’m sure anything as blatant as I found on the clear web is most likely insider jokes, weird advertising, and consenting adults just being kinky as hell. Some of the sites I discovered even had wording in their fine print that sounded like something government agencies would have to write if they were trying to catch people doing sketchy shit, but didn’t want to be too obvious. They’re definitely playing it by the book legally speaking. That’s why the privacy and all the fine print stuff on these sites can be extremely interesting and terrifying at the same time. You’ll see more what I’m talking about on part two as I said. Thank you for reading if you made it until the end. I hope you were able to gain something of value. Again if any info can be proven false and isn’t just your opinion vs mine please let me know. Also sorry for spelling or grammatical errors I tried my best, but that shit takes forever.
More random links, write ups, outtakes, personal anecdotes, and a completely random megalist of artists I made to hopefully help people recommend new artists or songs for me. If anyone discovers someone new that’s cool too. As I said at the end of part two this one is slightly censored, but I still feel I was able to get a good amount of info on here that won’t get me in too much trouble, and might be interesting for some people.
Kendrick, Drake, and AK information and connections. https://www.complex.com/music/a/b-blanchet/kodak-black-yung-miami-apology-disrespect
https://rollingout.com/2024/01/18/yung-miami-dj-akademiks-heated-exchange/
Freddie Gibbs roasting AK on video leaked of him saying he was a prize 😂 https://www.xxlmag.com/freddie-gibbs-dj-akademiks-fight-video/
AK calling out Drake, Kendrick, and J Cole in 2023 for not wanting to have anything to do with his messy ass. https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/652079-dj-akademiks-calls-out-drake-kendrick-lamar-j-cole-for-avoiding-hip-hop-outlets
A few more recent UMG controversies: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/25/magazine/universal-music-fire-bands-list-umg.html
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/fans-react-umg-tiktok-artist-removal-taylor-swift-1234958807/
Did Ak help set up PnB Rock? How about the list of other rappers who died or were arrested. Maybe a coincidence, maybe not. https://www.popsugar.com/celebrity/pnb-rock-robbery-interview-48949135
Interesting articles about Kodak’s lawyer speaking about the Diddy trial https://www.complex.com/sports/a/brad-callas/kodak-blacks-lawyer-believes-diddy-is-about-to-be-charged
https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/803812-kodak-black-attorney-diddy-assault-video-leak-hip-hop-news
More examples of labels being evil and why it’s often hard to leave. https://www.ranker.com/list/rappers-who-went-broke/ranker-hip-hop
https://www.grunge.com/904521/musicians-severely-mistreated-by-their-record-labels/
Some More Bullshit From DJ Akademiks: Team Fed vs.The Real Ones https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.57060/title.akademiks-admits-he-called-police-on-meek-mill-for-green-lighting-him
https://x.com/Kurrco/status/1665424410830929921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1665459158412324864%7Ctwgr%5E65fa935bd80d465cc77b012cf14c41c6fcc3e184%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fhiphopdx.com%2Fnews%2Ffreddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://hiphopdx.com/news/freddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://x.com/Kurrco/status/1665424410830929921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1665459158412324864%7Ctwgr%5E65fa935bd80d465cc77b012cf14c41c6fcc3e184%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fhiphopdx.com%2Fnews%2Ffreddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://hiphopdx.com/news/akademiks-cries-saucy-santana-rape-threat
https://hiphopdx.com/news/akademiks-trump-ufc-287-photo
Kendrick connection, didn’t Drake have to remove that album cover from Slime Me Out recently? https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.43708/title.tde-president-punch-disses-dj-akademiks-for-his-comments-about-sza
Drake and Ye shit again https://web.archive.org/web/20211220234822/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.66573/title.drake-kanye-west-yikes-feature-pierre-bourne
Are Drake and Bruno Mars competing? Or is Drake money laundering? https://web.archive.org/web/20220208170702/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.67876/title.deep-pockets-drake-has-bet-over-1b-in-virtual-gambling-since-december
Related to TikTok, UMG could play a part in the government trying to ban it. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in my opinion that shit partially contributed to my last break up and I genuinely can’t see the appeal. https://web.archive.org/web/20240502190348/https://hiphopdx.com/news/drake-kendrick-lamar-eminem-tiktok-return-umg-deal
Another article on the Gotti v. Dolph beef and aftermath…it’s easy to make that kind of money when you kill the King of Memphis. https://web.archive.org/web/20240226130255/https://hiphopdx.com/news/yo-gotti-jay-z-college
What kind of dirt does Jay have on Gotti now? https://web.archive.org/web/20220710003239/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.71536/title.yo-gotti-praises-dubai-for-giving-him-the-royal-overseas-treatment
Atlantic records bot farm accusations . I wonder if Drake lent them his assistance l. https://www.tmz.com/2022/11/26/atlantic-records-accused-bots-juice-don-toliver-music-video/
Clone theories 😁 Kodak- https://www.capitalxtra.com/news/kodak-black-fans-clones-jail-photos/
Dave Chappelle- https://archive.org/details/dave-chappelles-cousin-said-he-was-killed-and-cloned-this-is-her-story-718p-30fps-h-264-192kbit-aac
Gucci and Gunna- https://atlantablackstar.com/2023/09/01/come-back-home-like-gucci-mane-fans-hit-gunna-with-more-clone-allegations-after-noticing-his-drastic-post-jail-weight-loss-in-new-viral-photo/
Part two is mostly bonus features and links to supporting evidence. It also includes a lot of random loosely connected issues I’ve been researching that I think are interesting and have been writing about. I should be done editing it all by tomorrow evening and depending on how long it ends up I might have to do a part three and four.
With gratitude,
The Randomest Moniker

i need a man’s perspective!! 25 F here interested in a 29 M. so, me and this guy are kinda friends - we met a few months ago and hooked up once after spending time together at a mutual friend’s party. it was fun for both of us, i think we’re pretty compatible in bed lol. he obviously finds me very attractive and expressed it multiple times before and after we hooked up. a couple things he’s said:
“you’re such a queen, you could have ANYONE you want and you chose to spend the night with me. i feel so special.”
“you’re a legend, you’re so amazing.” (talking about the work i do creatively)
“you’re so pretty/sexy etc”
“you’re the prettiest girl here.”
all nice things. we both run in similar creative circles and are well-liked. a lot of guys and women in our social circles have expressed either to me or to others that they find me really nice + cool + attractive as well. they also like my work, i’m well-respected in creative spaces. i only mention this bc i wonder if that has any effect on how he views me? he’s a singer and is pursuing his dreams even though he can only do it part-time i love his music!
i’ve complimented and shown a lot of support for his work as a singer which he’s genuinely been so thankful for previously.. i developed quite a huge crush on him which i doubt he’s aware of LOL i’m super friendly and bubbly with everyone so i don’t know if he’d catch on.
anyway, I MADE A MOVE KINDA. we made plans to hang out (no s*x mentioned, i just asked if he wanted to hangout and get food or something) he said Yes but plans fell through TWICE.😭
i had to cancel the first time bc of a friend emergency. he had to cancel the second time for work. he asked for a raincheck, i told him Yes and to hit me up when he’s free!
he never did… 😂🥲 and has since then made no effort to reschedule.
we both go out a lot and were both not looking to jump into a relationship right away but i’m definitely open to exploring good connections and seeing what blossoms. he got out of a very serious long term relationship a little over a year ago. (maybe important to note lol)
we have a lot in common and i really love and respect his artistry! also, i Do find him attractive even though many of my friends say i’m “too good” for him. i think he has a kinda.. charming personality and that got me even though i wasn’t initially attracted to him at all.
i traveled for a while and ran into him again a month later in a party setting twice.
first party: he came up to me to say Hi and gave me a hug. he barely made eye contact, gave me short answers, and abruptly ended the convo. but he asked me how my trip to Japan went and asked me how my writing has been (it’s my passion!) so i noticed he paid attention to what i was up to on social media.. i noticed him stealing glances at the party but not engaging with me. so weird. even my friends thought it was weird how much he seemed to be avoiding me. he’s normally pretty social and has no problem being friendly with guys or girls so i was confused by his behavior??
second party: we didn’t get to talk much. i complimented his latest work (he released music recently) and told him how much i love what he does. he thanked me nicely but still averted my gaze. he also avoided being in the same spaces on the dance floor as me, even though i was having fun with his friends. he did awkwardly ask if i dropped something but it wasn’t mine. i did notice him stealing glances again. we hugged and said bye before i left.
it’s weird bc some of his friends asked me if were a “Thing” at the second party. i said “no. not really.” because we’ve barely actually spoken since the night we hooked up.
since then he replies to my stories on social media sometimes but doesn’t really give Heart Eyes or anything like he used to. he watches ALL of my stories though and keeps me on his Close Friends list lol.
i know he’s pretty avoidant, protective of his heart, and has a lot of insecurities (i gather from his music lyrics lol)
i admit i haven’t openly said “i want you! i’m into you! let’s go on a date!😍” but i’ve been super friendly and supportive of him and his music both in person and on social media so i don’t see why he’s acted so weird when we interact.
agh is he emotionally unavailable? intimidated by me? or just genuinely doesn’t like me at all? did i do something? should i make a move or leave it alone?

So while everyone is wondering about if and when something new is going to be announced, I've been listening to the album on repeat and I noticed how often "time" is said in this album. on top of that, time seems to be an important theme of multiple songs. So let's go down the list and look at what I've found. I'm focusing on things relating to the passage of time, getting older, etc.
Overcompensate:
To start us off, we have a "time" mention in the chorus, as well as some other lines that caught my ear.

• "Don't hesitate"
• "By the TIME I catch in my peripheral"
• "I was born right here, just now"
• "Overtake your former self"
• The entire bridge section, "Days feel like the perfect length..."

Next Semester:

• "What's about to happen?"
• The song is about remembering a past event
• The important tag line, "Can't change what you've done, start fresh next semester"

Backslide:

• "Tendencies on repeat, innit?"
• "Strength enough for one more TIME"
• "Do you think that now's the TIME?"
• "Kinda wishing that I never did Saturday"

Midwest Indigo:
This one is packed pretty full of time references.

• "Running late so I didn't have the TIME"
• "Did you forget we're tight on TIME?"
• "What's your ETA? Two minutes! Chill out, man, we're right on TIME"
• I'm a bit too old to run away

Routines In The Night:

• "I've been here before, and I've got TIME"
• "Reoccurring, keeps coming around"
• "Reoccurring, days blurring"

Vignette:

• "Not sure when it started"
• "Tunnels cave, visions fade"
• "Man, it's been a long night"

The Craving (Jenna's version):

• The song starts with Jenna talking about getting old
• "She just wants to catch a wave, ride it out to the end of the days"
• "It's the fear of the unknown that cripples every step we take"

Lavish:

• "It's just the beginning of Lavish"
• "Welcome to the style you haven't seen in a while"
• "Try your best to look like this is not your first TIME"

Navigating
This one's what put me onto this train of thought, because it's the de facto title track for this theory.

• "Don't know how long it's been"
• "Pardon my delay"
• "I am wasting all this TIME"
• "How things change so rapidly"
• The whole bridge, "Everybody leaves..."

Snap Back:

• "Is it even good for my head to keep track?"
• "Running from a thing that I kicked in '17"
• "Fool you once, it's been 25 TIMEs"
• "Drove it till the engine died"
• "Welcome back to the show (Been a minute)"
• "For my elasticity to return to the way that it was"

Oldies Station:

• "Fear of the past"
• "Future's coming fast"
• "Embracing how things always change"
• "Add some years, build some trust"
• "You don't quite mind how long red lights are taking"
• The whole song, really
• The song ends with what sounds like a clock ticking

At the Risk of Feeling Dumb:

• "Nothing you can do this TIME"
• "Used to be you and me"
• "Check on your friends every once in a while"

Paladin Strait:

• "Waitin', expectations, that I'm gonna make it"
• "Here's my chance, TIME to take it"
• "Past the point of no return"
• A minute of bird noises
• Song is cut short

So here we've got 9/13 songs mentioning the word "time". And to make sure this is most likely intentional, I'll compare it to trench, where it's mentioned on 5/14 tracks (6 if you count the word "sometimes" in The Hype)
So what do you think? let me know if you think any of this is a stretch. I know everyone's looking for lore stuff and whatnot, but I thought it'd be cool to analyze the themes of the lyrics.

Hello everyone! I know, I’ve been away an extra long time and I apologize for that, but I’m back now! I don’t really have anything to say in advance, so let’s get right into this!
Episode 14- Tales of Ba Sing Se

1. Oh, there’s like a second title screen. That’s new. The Tale of Toph and Katara. Huh, so interesting to see how Aang shaves his head. I guess I never really thought about him being anything other than bald lol

Huh, a girl’s day out, huh? Yeah, I’m Toph lol I don’t really like manicures or pedicures or foot massages. Or makeup.
Over-the-top retaliation to hecklers. Nice lol
Aw, Katara called Toph pretty! That’s so sweet!
Wow, that’s it? I don’t really have much to say about that, guys. Sorry! It was cute though!

1. The Tale of Iroh. It’s an anthology episode! Iroh’s going on a picnic. Hey, I’ve heard that song before, but not with lyrics. Someone pointed out that it’s the music playing in the background during Lu Ten’s funeral in NATLA.

Iroh being a good or bad influence on kids, I can’t tell lol And him helping a mugger to be better mugger in the future! Or a masseuse. “While it is best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.” I love Iroh, man. I wish he was my uncle.
Oh, it’s Lu Ten’s birthday! Oh man, I’m gonna cry. And there’s a credit: In honor of Mako. Mako is Iroh’s voice actor right? I believe some of you mentioned he passed away before Avatar was finished.
I actually do have some thoughts on this segment. I know a lot of you don’t like it when I compare this show to NATLA but that’s just too damn bad. So, in NATLA, Iroh looked absolutely broken and lost at Lu Ten’s funeral. Everyone there (except Zuko) just spoke empty platitudes to him, and was mostly a pretty formal affair. It definitely looked like Iroh was bound by tradition or something, as evidence by the fact that he couldn’t really show emotion and had to thank everyone for their words. But here, alone, he’s able to sing to his son and let himself cry.
It’s almost like a release of pressure, you know? Like he had to bottle it up at Lu Ten’s funeral but now he can let it go. Even the music, which could only be in the background of the funeral is now at the forefront with him singing. It’s like the song is representative of Iroh’s emotions, muted and not sung when he’s controlling himself and sang aloud when he lets it all go. This little segment is the perfect “Part two” to NATLA’s funeral scene. I hope NATLA keeps it in season two, and I hope it’s exactly the same!

1. The Tale of Aang. Oh, Aang’s looking for Appa.

And Aang freed all the zoo animals and they’re wreaking havoc on the city! The cabbage merchant’s here! Well, it’s a good thing Aang’s whistle works on all animals and not just bison lol
Wow, look at how powerful an earthbender Aang is already.
Okay, cool. That was fun.

1. The Tale of Sokka. I’m glad that Sokka appreciates poetry, though it’s not surprising given how big a romantic softy he is.

Um… did Sokka just imply he’s gonna spank her?
I love that a bouncer throws you out if you use too many syllables lol that was a lot of fun though! Aside from Iroh’s tale, it’s my favorite one so far.

1. The Tale of Zuko. Aw, someone’s got a crush on Zuko! But hey, Iroh shouldn’t be making that decision for him. If he wants to go on a date with her, he’ll accept all on his own. Does Zuko even like girls? He’s never shown much of an interest before.

Omg, that hair lmao Iroh definitely did his hair! And I press play and he immediately confirms that Iroh did do his hair.
Erm… yeah, I don’t think Zuko actually wants to be on this date. But you’d think he’d be able to juggle better given how good he is with those twin swords.
That was actually really nice of Zuko. It’s good for us to see firebending being used for something other than combat. I’ve said before that fire can be so much more than the element of aggression and it can be. Fire is warmth, and cooking, and light. If Zuko learns to broaden his mind on the possibilities of his element, he might make a good teacher for Aang someday. Aang’s already vowed never to use firebending because he hurt Katara. He needs someone to show him fire isn’t just destruction.
Oh yeah, he doesn’t really want to kiss her. I feel for her, but like… Iroh definitely should have let Zuko turn her down when she asked him. Would have made this moment less awkward for both of them.

1. The Tale of Momo. Is this just going to be five minutes of Momo trying to kill small animals?

Appa! Oh, it’s a dream or a memory. Aw, Momo misses his buddy. So do we all! Seriously it’s been forever! I love that there are just packs of jaguars roaming Ba Sing Se. There’s definitely a missing kid or two on their account lol
Well, I guess humans have to eat too. Apparently not tonight though lol
Hey! That’s a footprint! Is that supposed to be Appa’s footprint?
Okay, that was a fun episode. Not much commentary to be had, but fun!
Episode 15- Appa’s Lost Days

1. Finally! Show us what happened to Appa!

Four weeks?! Appa’s been missing for a whole month? Poor guy. He fought like a champion, but there’s just too many of them.

1. The sandbenders sold Appa to merchants. Oh! He heard Aang blow the whistle! And those guys have shirshu spit darts. Think June sold those to them?

“I’m going to break you.” Uh… wtf? It’s a fire nation circus?
Oh cool, might as well add some child abuse to the situation while we’re at it.
I don’t like this.
I’m glad he got away, but that was hard to watch. Seeing Appa, or any animal really, done up in makeup and costume and forced to perform is horrible and undignified.

1. How is he going to get those chains off? And now he just tried to eat cactus and it hurt him. And those vulture bees are chasing him. His fur is all sticky now. He just can’t catch a break.

Aww! Those baby sky bison are so cute! Aw, he and Aang grew up together! Wait, so that means, biologically speaking (meaning not counting his time in the iceberg) Appa is only a few years old? Judging from how old Aang is, Appa can’t be older than five years.
Appa’s got ptsd from the fire.
Now he’s being attacked again by something that stuck him with a bunch of quills.
Some of you derided me for thinking Iroh might die in a children’s show, meanwhile you knew the whole time that there was an animal torture porn episode. Are you really going to tell me seeing someone die would have been more traumatizing than this?

1. Suki and the Kyoshi warriors! I’ve never been so happy to see them!

Goddamnit. This is probably the first time I’m not happy to see Azula.
Uh, I know Suki and her girls are great warriors but how the hell are they gonna beat Azula? “You’re not prettier than we are.” Nothing I’ve seen about Ty Lee so far suggests that she’s at all vain, so this is kind of a weird line.
Oh no, Suki vs Azula one on one and she immediately gets disarmed? Oh, they’re not gonna let us see the whole fight. I mean, it’s pretty clear Suki can’t win but what’s going to happen to her?

1. Hey! Those are water tribe ships! Was that Bato? Or Hakoda? It’s been so long since I last saw either of them I can’t quite remember what they look like but I know that water tribe guy looked familiar.

Oh… Appa went to the air temple. That is so freaking sad.
Uh, did this guru guy really lay there for a whole day and night? I mean, what else are gonna do when a giant animal is threatening to kill you? Lol but what if he needed to pee?
Okay, I want to know more about this guru. He’s clearly got some kind of spiritual awareness. Could he be a surviving member of the Air Nomads? He doesn’t seem to be able to bend, but all the other nations have nonbenders, so I imagine the Air Nomads had regular people too.

1. Oh! Maybe he’s not a nonbender. He can sense Aang’s location by reading Appa’s energy? That’s definitely not normal.

Damn it, I forgot about the Dai Li. I see my theory about Long Feng was correct though. And that was Appa’s footprint!
Well this was an amazing, beautiful episode and I hated it!
Episode 16- Lake Laogai

1. Toph’s blind jokes never get old.

I imagine Iroh getting his own tea shop is a literal dream come true for him. And good for him! I think this reinforces my theory about Zuko and Iroh going their separate ways soon. Iroh clearly doesn’t want to fight anymore. I think he’s going to open his own tea shop and then Zuko is going to leave and join Team Avatar.
Hey, Zuko just found a flier so he knows Aang’s in the city!

1. Joo Dee is back. She was somewhere called Lake Laogai, which is the title of the episode. Also, good for Aang. Don’t take shit from corrupt governments! Lmao Toph has been waiting for the moment when she can kick some more ass.

Uh… I think this is a hypnosis situation again. “The Earth King has invited you to Lake Laogai” seems to be the trigger phrase.
The cracks are showing. Zuko just straight up told Iroh that this isn’t what he wants out of life. But he doesn’t seem to know what he wants, all he knows is it involves the avatar, and since he can’t go back to the Fire Nation it’s only a matter of time before he realizes his destiny is to be Aang’s ally and not his enemy.

1. I love that Katara’s immediate reaction to seeing Jet is to attack! Lol “Katara, I’ve changed!” That’s what they all say, bud. But last we saw, Jet was being hypnotized by the Dai Li. Long Feng said he wanted to handle things quietly. If they let Jet go, he might be a sleeper agent.

“I’m here to help you find Appa” Yep, this is a trap. Toph says he’s not lying because he doesn’t know he’s lying. Hypnotized sleeper agent!
And by the way, Toph being able to tell when people are lying only gives more credibility to the badgermoles being able to sense emotions. If Toph is able to sense physical reactions in people’s bodies, they definitely can!
Yeah… clearly this is all Long Feng handling things quietly.
“Was this guy your boyfriend or something?” “What? No!” “I can tell you’re lying.” lol Katara, you floozy.

1. They figured out that Jet’s been brainwashed pretty quickly, didn’t they? Good for them. Sokka’s so smart.

Zuko just took a Dai Li agent hostage! Finally, some action for him lol
Aang is not amused by Sokka’s suggestion that Katara kiss Jet lol Using waterbending on his brain makes sense though. I mean, if waterbending can be used to alter body chemistry and functions to heal, then it should work on the brain as well. Our thoughts aren’t some intangible thing, they’re just signals passed between a certain type of cell.
But that raises some scary implications for waterbending though. If waterbending can be used to affect the mind to the point where it can help the user undo hypnosis and recall lost memories… what else can it do to the mind? Bending people’s blood and/or bodily fluids is nefarious enough, but affecting their mind? Could a waterbender make someone crazy, or a crazy person sane? Could they brainwash someone? Implant false memories?

1. Toph is so freaking handy to have around. How long would it have taken them to find that secret tunnel (“Secret tunnel! Secret tunnel!”) without her?

Oh yeah, I forgot the horror movie aspect of the Dai Li lol What is that? A bunch of Joo Dees? Creepy!
As a matter of fact, I was expecting someone else, Zuko lol But this is awesome! If Zuko rescues Appa, that’s his in with the group! Aang will forgive and trust him immediately! Toph doesn’t know him so she’ll probably be fine with him joining, Katara and Sokka may take some convincing.
Dai Li earthbending style is so cool! I’m loving this fight! Oh, I guess Katara didn’t undo the hypnosis after all.

1. Okay, I get where Iroh’s coming from, but he did jump immediately to the conclusion that Zuko was stealing Appa and not freeing him. This does give me chills though. Iroh never yells at Zuko! And he’s right, Zuko would have died at the North Pole if Aang and his friends hadn’t saved him. “Who are you, and what do you want?” Do you think anyone in Zuko’s life, apart from maybe his mother, has ever considered what he really wants? Probably, but has anyone ever voiced it aloud to Zuko?

Maybe I was wrong about Zuko going there to free Appa, maybe he did want to capture him for leverage against Aang or something, but I still think he’s going to free Appa after Iroh’s speech. It’s taking time, but he’s going to realize that his real destiny is to join Aang and teach him firebending.

1. Damn, Jet got knocked out lol oh no, he’s still awake.

“He’s lying.” Maybe he thinks he is, but he’ll be fine. He’ll probably pop up in the finale to save someone at the last minute (probably Katara).
Hah! I knew Zuko was gonna free Appa! Lmao he just skipped Long Feng like a stone!
Good for Zuko! He’s one of the good guys now!
Concluding thoughts: Wow, there’s only two episodes left in the season? It’s all gone by so fast! Well, I’m very happy that Appa’s back, after that horrifying standalone episode of his. Seriously, writers, wtf? Amazing episode, but damn. It’s cool to see Jet get a little redemption (and kind of ironic that he started his arc being a villain willing to sacrifice his own people and now he’s a hero fighting against his own people but actually corrupt this time). I’m especially excited to see where Zuko goes from here. If Iroh’s voice actor passed away this season, then this will likely be Iroh’s last season. He’ll probably stay behind in his tea shop while Zuko goes off on his own (and that may have been foreshadowed with the ‘Zuko Alone’ arc).
Next post I’ll be finishing up Book 2, then onto Book 3, and then Legend of Korra! The movie may make an appearance somewhere lol See you next time!

Hello everyone! I know, I’ve been away an extra long time and I apologize for that, but I’m back now! I don’t really have anything to say in advance, so let’s get right into this!
Episode 14- Tales of Ba Sing Se

1. Oh, there’s like a second title screen. That’s new. The Tale of Toph and Katara. Huh, so interesting to see how Aang shaves his head. I guess I never really thought about him being anything other than bald lol

Huh, a girl’s day out, huh? Yeah, I’m Toph lol I don’t really like manicures or pedicures or foot massages. Or makeup.
Over-the-top retaliation to hecklers. Nice lol
Aw, Katara called Toph pretty! That’s so sweet!
Wow, that’s it? I don’t really have much to say about that, guys. Sorry! It was cute though!

1. The Tale of Iroh. It’s an anthology episode! Iroh’s going on a picnic. Hey, I’ve heard that song before, but not with lyrics. Someone pointed out that it’s the music playing in the background during Lu Ten’s funeral in NATLA.

Iroh being a good or bad influence on kids, I can’t tell lol And him helping a mugger to be better mugger in the future! Or a masseuse. “While it is best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.” I love Iroh, man. I wish he was my uncle.
Oh, it’s Lu Ten’s birthday! Oh man, I’m gonna cry. And there’s a credit: In honor of Mako. Mako is Iroh’s voice actor right? I believe some of you mentioned he passed away before Avatar was finished.
I actually do have some thoughts on this segment. I know a lot of you don’t like it when I compare this show to NATLA but that’s just too damn bad. So, in NATLA, Iroh looked absolutely broken and lost at Lu Ten’s funeral. Everyone there (except Zuko) just spoke empty platitudes to him, and was mostly a pretty formal affair. It definitely looked like Iroh was bound by tradition or something, as evidence by the fact that he couldn’t really show emotion and had to thank everyone for their words. But here, alone, he’s able to sing to his son and let himself cry.
It’s almost like a release of pressure, you know? Like he had to bottle it up at Lu Ten’s funeral but now he can let it go. Even the music, which could only be in the background of the funeral is now at the forefront with him singing. It’s like the song is representative of Iroh’s emotions, muted and not sung when he’s controlling himself and sang aloud when he lets it all go. This little segment is the perfect “Part two” to NATLA’s funeral scene. I hope NATLA keeps it in season two, and I hope it’s exactly the same!

1. The Tale of Aang. Oh, Aang’s looking for Appa.

And Aang freed all the zoo animals and they’re wreaking havoc on the city! The cabbage merchant’s here! Well, it’s a good thing Aang’s whistle works on all animals and not just bison lol
Wow, look at how powerful an earthbender Aang is already.
Okay, cool. That was fun.

1. The Tale of Sokka. I’m glad that Sokka appreciates poetry, though it’s not surprising given how big a romantic softy he is.

Um… did Sokka just imply he’s gonna spank her?
I love that a bouncer throws you out if you use too many syllables lol that was a lot of fun though! Aside from Iroh’s tale, it’s my favorite one so far.

1. The Tale of Zuko. Aw, someone’s got a crush on Zuko! But hey, Iroh shouldn’t be making that decision for him. If he wants to go on a date with her, he’ll accept all on his own. Does Zuko even like girls? He’s never shown much of an interest before.

Omg, that hair lmao Iroh definitely did his hair! And I press play and he immediately confirms that Iroh did do his hair.
Erm… yeah, I don’t think Zuko actually wants to be on this date. But you’d think he’d be able to juggle better given how good he is with those twin swords.
That was actually really nice of Zuko. It’s good for us to see firebending being used for something other than combat. I’ve said before that fire can be so much more than the element of aggression and it can be. Fire is warmth, and cooking, and light. If Zuko learns to broaden his mind on the possibilities of his element, he might make a good teacher for Aang someday. Aang’s already vowed never to use firebending because he hurt Katara. He needs someone to show him fire isn’t just destruction.
Oh yeah, he doesn’t really want to kiss her. I feel for her, but like… Iroh definitely should have let Zuko turn her down when she asked him. Would have made this moment less awkward for both of them.

1. The Tale of Momo. Is this just going to be five minutes of Momo trying to kill small animals?

Appa! Oh, it’s a dream or a memory. Aw, Momo misses his buddy. So do we all! Seriously it’s been forever! I love that there are just packs of jaguars roaming Ba Sing Se. There’s definitely a missing kid or two on their account lol
Well, I guess humans have to eat too. Apparently not tonight though lol
Hey! That’s a footprint! Is that supposed to be Appa’s footprint?
Okay, that was a fun episode. Not much commentary to be had, but fun!
Episode 15- Appa’s Lost Days

1. Finally! Show us what happened to Appa!

Four weeks?! Appa’s been missing for a whole month? Poor guy. He fought like a champion, but there’s just too many of them.

1. The sandbenders sold Appa to merchants. Oh! He heard Aang blow the whistle! And those guys have shirshu spit darts. Think June sold those to them?

“I’m going to break you.” Uh… wtf? It’s a fire nation circus?
Oh cool, might as well add some child abuse to the situation while we’re at it.
I don’t like this.
I’m glad he got away, but that was hard to watch. Seeing Appa, or any animal really, done up in makeup and costume and forced to perform is horrible and undignified.

1. How is he going to get those chains off? And now he just tried to eat cactus and it hurt him. And those vulture bees are chasing him. His fur is all sticky now. He just can’t catch a break.

Aww! Those baby sky bison are so cute! Aw, he and Aang grew up together! Wait, so that means, biologically speaking (meaning not counting his time in the iceberg) Appa is only a few years old? Judging from how old Aang is, Appa can’t be older than five years.
Appa’s got ptsd from the fire.
Now he’s being attacked again by something that stuck him with a bunch of quills.
Some of you derided me for thinking Iroh might die in a children’s show, meanwhile you knew the whole time that there was an animal torture porn episode. Are you really going to tell me seeing someone die would have been more traumatizing than this?

1. Suki and the Kyoshi warriors! I’ve never been so happy to see them!

Goddamnit. This is probably the first time I’m not happy to see Azula.
Uh, I know Suki and her girls are great warriors but how the hell are they gonna beat Azula? “You’re not prettier than we are.” Nothing I’ve seen about Ty Lee so far suggests that she’s at all vain, so this is kind of a weird line.
Oh no, Suki vs Azula one on one and she immediately gets disarmed? Oh, they’re not gonna let us see the whole fight. I mean, it’s pretty clear Suki can’t win but what’s going to happen to her?

1. Hey! Those are water tribe ships! Was that Bato? Or Hakoda? It’s been so long since I last saw either of them I can’t quite remember what they look like but I know that water tribe guy looked familiar.

Oh… Appa went to the air temple. That is so freaking sad.
Uh, did this guru guy really lay there for a whole day and night? I mean, what else are gonna do when a giant animal is threatening to kill you? Lol but what if he needed to pee?
Okay, I want to know more about this guru. He’s clearly got some kind of spiritual awareness. Could he be a surviving member of the Air Nomads? He doesn’t seem to be able to bend, but all the other nations have nonbenders, so I imagine the Air Nomads had regular people too.

1. Oh! Maybe he’s not a nonbender. He can sense Aang’s location by reading Appa’s energy? That’s definitely not normal.

Damn it, I forgot about the Dai Li. I see my theory about Long Feng was correct though. And that was Appa’s footprint!
Well this was an amazing, beautiful episode and I hated it!
Episode 16- Lake Laogai

1. Toph’s blind jokes never get old.

I imagine Iroh getting his own tea shop is a literal dream come true for him. And good for him! I think this reinforces my theory about Zuko and Iroh going their separate ways soon. Iroh clearly doesn’t want to fight anymore. I think he’s going to open his own tea shop and then Zuko is going to leave and join Team Avatar.
Hey, Zuko just found a flier so he knows Aang’s in the city!

1. Joo Dee is back. She was somewhere called Lake Laogai, which is the title of the episode. Also, good for Aang. Don’t take shit from corrupt governments! Lmao Toph has been waiting for the moment when she can kick some more ass.

Uh… I think this is a hypnosis situation again. “The Earth King has invited you to Lake Laogai” seems to be the trigger phrase.
The cracks are showing. Zuko just straight up told Iroh that this isn’t what he wants out of life. But he doesn’t seem to know what he wants, all he knows is it involves the avatar, and since he can’t go back to the Fire Nation it’s only a matter of time before he realizes his destiny is to be Aang’s ally and not his enemy.

1. I love that Katara’s immediate reaction to seeing Jet is to attack! Lol “Katara, I’ve changed!” That’s what they all say, bud. But last we saw, Jet was being hypnotized by the Dai Li. Long Feng said he wanted to handle things quietly. If they let Jet go, he might be a sleeper agent.

“I’m here to help you find Appa” Yep, this is a trap. Toph says he’s not lying because he doesn’t know he’s lying. Hypnotized sleeper agent!
And by the way, Toph being able to tell when people are lying only gives more credibility to the badgermoles being able to sense emotions. If Toph is able to sense physical reactions in people’s bodies, they definitely can!
Yeah… clearly this is all Long Feng handling things quietly.
“Was this guy your boyfriend or something?” “What? No!” “I can tell you’re lying.” lol Katara, you floozy.

1. They figured out that Jet’s been brainwashed pretty quickly, didn’t they? Good for them. Sokka’s so smart.

Zuko just took a Dai Li agent hostage! Finally, some action for him lol
Aang is not amused by Sokka’s suggestion that Katara kiss Jet lol Using waterbending on his brain makes sense though. I mean, if waterbending can be used to alter body chemistry and functions to heal, then it should work on the brain as well. Our thoughts aren’t some intangible thing, they’re just signals passed between a certain type of cell.
But that raises some scary implications for waterbending though. If waterbending can be used to affect the mind to the point where it can help the user undo hypnosis and recall lost memories… what else can it do to the mind? Bending people’s blood and/or bodily fluids is nefarious enough, but affecting their mind? Could a waterbender make someone crazy, or a crazy person sane? Could they brainwash someone? Implant false memories?

1. Toph is so freaking handy to have around. How long would it have taken them to find that secret tunnel (“Secret tunnel! Secret tunnel!”) without her?

Oh yeah, I forgot the horror movie aspect of the Dai Li lol What is that? A bunch of Joo Dees? Creepy!
As a matter of fact, I was expecting someone else, Zuko lol But this is awesome! If Zuko rescues Appa, that’s his in with the group! Aang will forgive and trust him immediately! Toph doesn’t know him so she’ll probably be fine with him joining, Katara and Sokka may take some convincing.
Dai Li earthbending style is so cool! I’m loving this fight! Oh, I guess Katara didn’t undo the hypnosis after all.

1. Okay, I get where Iroh’s coming from, but he did jump immediately to the conclusion that Zuko was stealing Appa and not freeing him. This does give me chills though. Iroh never yells at Zuko! And he’s right, Zuko would have died at the North Pole if Aang and his friends hadn’t saved him. “Who are you, and what do you want?” Do you think anyone in Zuko’s life, apart from maybe his mother, has ever considered what he really wants? Probably, but has anyone ever voiced it aloud to Zuko?

Maybe I was wrong about Zuko going there to free Appa, maybe he did want to capture him for leverage against Aang or something, but I still think he’s going to free Appa after Iroh’s speech. It’s taking time, but he’s going to realize that his real destiny is to join Aang and teach him firebending.

1. Damn, Jet got knocked out lol oh no, he’s still awake.

“He’s lying.” Maybe he thinks he is, but he’ll be fine. He’ll probably pop up in the finale to save someone at the last minute (probably Katara).
Hah! I knew Zuko was gonna free Appa! Lmao he just skipped Long Feng like a stone!
Good for Zuko! He’s one of the good guys now!
Concluding thoughts: Wow, there’s only two episodes left in the season? It’s all gone by so fast! Well, I’m very happy that Appa’s back, after that horrifying standalone episode of his. Seriously, writers, wtf? Amazing episode, but damn. It’s cool to see Jet get a little redemption (and kind of ironic that he started his arc being a villain willing to sacrifice his own people and now he’s a hero fighting against his own people but actually corrupt this time). I’m especially excited to see where Zuko goes from here. If Iroh’s voice actor passed away this season, then this will likely be Iroh’s last season. He’ll probably stay behind in his tea shop while Zuko goes off on his own (and that may have been foreshadowed with the ‘Zuko Alone’ arc).
Next post I’ll be finishing up Book 2, then onto Book 3, and then Legend of Korra! The movie may make an appearance somewhere lol See you next time!

There's way too much stuff in this subreddit about magnetism in a purely arrogant way, about walking around and all women dropping before you. This is absolutely against the goals of retention. I get that is aimed at folks with poor self-esteem that have never been looked at with desire by a female, but I think it's not healthy for them either, since it'll cause an objective focused retention and, frecuently, the consequent desillusion and falling deeper into dispair. This sort of "I'm an absolute beast and everybody falls before me" should be pursued ONLY when you aim at being a sort of super warrior who will give his life to fight for the good of his people. Then there's this mysoginistic retention where you just believe yourself to be a DemiGod who is just "above women", not above lust. This should only be pursued if you search a truely spiritual path, and if it is so, you should aim all your energies at being ordained a priest/monk, not at being smug on the Internet. On both those cases (warriomonk), SR is, albeit essential, only a small part of what you need to do, not a be-all-end-all that will by itself and maybe ginger tea and cold showers magically "manifest" your destiny.
Now, for the average folk, we all should learn from great warriors and monks, we should be prepared to both sacrifice ourselves to fight the forces of evil in the material world and be spiritually unaffected by their deception. No matter your worldview, I think we can all agree that the world is turning more evil everyday. But these forces are not new and there are many examples before us to continue their struggle.
Now, why do SR, then? Not because of seeking benefits, however true this is. Doing Adderall has many "benefits". Doing opioids has many "benefits" for people with certain illnesses. Drinking has "benefits" for creative writing. Of course, SR benefits are blessed and not a "borrowing", but it can manifest its downsides (even if they're just a "test") a few months, even weeks in, whereas many people abuse other stuff for years before it catches up with them. And, specially in current society, if we trick our monkey brain with this incentives we can fail, ajd it's most likely.
Why, then? Two reasons:
Masturbation, even without porn, is an insult to nature. When I first tried it after a kid at school told me, I felt absolutely disgusted. And no, I had been told NOTHING moralistic against it, neither am I a kind of "restrained" person, as a kid I did many things others would punish me for just because I thought I was right or it was fun. This was a true defilement. I've never felt comfortable looking at a woman lustfully in the street, or sneaking at a friend's... or whatever (and I've never been precisely a left-wing or feministic person). I feel repulsed by friends who can't stop making sex jokes and, when someone says they would ... a girl that walks them by I get an instinct to slap them. I feel nausea when a girl talks about their sexual habits or vulgarly describes their sexual organ as mere animalistic stuff in the college dorm eating room. The only time I had a one-night-stand I felt the whole next day crying desperately, not for moral reasons, as an uncontrollable reaction, like YOUR BODY JUST PUKES when you drink too much. Mind you, all this before SR, so all FreudoMarxists with their subversive theories on how we are sexually repressed and that causes us to seek masculinity and be imperialistic and stuff can go fuck themselves. This is not a "Christian society" repression. Ancient Greece understood the beauty and glory of the human body and its eroticism like no other culture. It's not about sculpture. If you read the Iliad, the beauty of a great warrior just lifting a sword, weeping before the beach, being taken by a dream... is seen in the divine splendour it truely has. Now, Greece was no puritan society, of course you had the Dyonisiac rites, but they had a sacred function. Plato talks in the Symposium (and this view was shared by many before and after him but he expressed it in perfection) how the Eros is the most beautiful for in nature, it moves beehives and waves, lovers and gods. But if it's reduced to a purely animal instinct, a mere frotting of organs of high sensitivity, it turns into the biggest sin because it spits against a force that moves to the higher deeds. Funnily enough, Nietzsche, who despised everything Plato represented for humanity and was himself a chronic masturbator (at least when young) ONLY agreed with him in this. Back to Plato. He talks about how, before the fall of men, in the ideal realm, humans were androgyn, we were one whole being and, the gods, envying us for being in such harmony with ourselves, nature, and beauty, fearing we might overcome them, split us in half and condemned us to seek reunion. This myth is shared in many pagan traditions (Hinduism, Aztecs, Siberian Paganism, pre-Buddhist Tibetanism, Buddhism, &c.). It is compatible also, in my view, with the deeper meaning of Genesis. Whether you believe it's an alegory or holds a deeper truth is barely relevant. The thing is, there IS a perfect supreme state in which the masculine metaphysical force and the feminine converge and ascend into a supreme form of being. Unmoveable, untouchable, ethernal.
That leads me to the other reason. I don't want every woman to look at me in the street. I don't cashier's voices to tremble at me. I've always been quite fit (now many people ask me if I'm on roids, and I'm not even two years into lifting, I just have privileged genetics in that sense) and I was "gifted" as a kid, so I've always had a lot of attention, whether good or bad, and it's been mostly bad (crabs bucket, &c.). I want to purify myself because, beside loving truth and beauty above all else and feeling animalistic lust defiles it, I don't want to hurt my anima. There's a perfect other soul out their who I'm destined to join to become one till death do us part. A girl created just for me and me for her. A girl who, when I look at, I will feel, as the Divine Commedy says, "the love that moves the sun and the other stars". A girl who I'm destined to spend my life helping grow spiritually and being helped by. Whenever I descend into lower states of being and defiling myself, I hurt her spiritually, same goes for her. This exchange has been happening since our conception and maybe even before, and it will continue at least after death. If we turn ourselves into lower beings, we sink into deeper and deeper distance from that which makes us perfect, and we waste our lives in a loveless marriage, in endless hookups, seeking material possessions, as drug addicts, &c. Monks, like Seraphim Rose, are destined by God to have their Anima in them since birth. This will cause deeper struggle but also a supreme state none of us otherd will reach. As Nicolás Gómez Dávila said "The only thing that can console us of being men is that there were monks". I think I've met my Anima yesterday. That's the reason for the long post. I've lurked here for a long time and I wanted to summarize the best I could all my thoughts on this practice that I don't often read here, but I'm signing off this account in a few days, if any of you have any questions or want me to go further into some matters of the post I'll stay around before logging off.
But yesterday I felt in my heart not just "love" but that my search was over, that I was home. With the world being how it is now, I can't but thank God. God bless you anon. There is a divine force in you destined for true heaven.

There's way too much stuff in this subreddit about magnetism in a purely arrogant way, about walking around and all women dropping before you. This is absolutely against the goals of retention. I get that is aimed at folks with poor self-esteem that have never been looked at with desire by a female, but I think it's not healthy for them either, since it'll cause an objective focused retention and, frecuently, the consequent desillusion and falling deeper into dispair. This sort of "I'm an absolute beast and everybody falls before me" should be pursued ONLY when you aim at being a sort of super warrior who will give his life to fight for the good of his people. Then there's this mysoginistic retention where you just believe yourself to be a DemiGod who is just "above women", not above lust. This should only be pursued if you search a truely spiritual path, and if it is so, you should aim all your energies at being ordained a priest/monk, not at being smug on the Internet. On both those cases (warriomonk), SR is, albeit essential, only a small part of what you need to do, not a be-all-end-all that will by itself and maybe ginger tea and cold showers magically "manifest" your destiny.
Now, for the average folk, we all should learn from great warriors and monks, we should be prepared to both sacrifice ourselves to fight the forces of evil in the material world and be spiritually unaffected by their deception. No matter your worldview, I think we can all agree that the world is turning more evil everyday. But these forces are not new and there are many examples before us to continue their struggle.
Now, why do SR, then? Not because of seeking benefits, however true this is. Doing Adderall has many "benefits". Doing opioids has many "benefits" for people with certain illnesses. Drinking has "benefits" for creative writing. Of course, SR benefits are blessed and not a "borrowing", but it can manifest its downsides (even if they're just a "test") a few months, even weeks in, whereas many people abuse other stuff for years before it catches up with them. And, specially in current society, if we trick our monkey brain with this incentives we can fail, ajd it's most likely.
Why, then? Two reasons: 1) Masturbation, even without porn, is an insult to nature. When I first tried it after a kid at school told me, I felt absolutely disgusted. And no, I had been told NOTHING moralistic against it, neither am I a kind of "restrained" person, as a kid I did many things others would punish me for just because I thought I was right or it was fun. This was a true defilement. I've never felt comfortable looking at a woman lustfully in the street, or sneaking at a friend's... or whatever (and I've never been precisely a left-wing or feministic person). I feel repulsed by friends who can't stop making sex jokes and, when someone says they would ... a girl that walks them by I get an instinct to slap them. I feel nausea when a girl talks about their sexual habits or vulgarly describes their sexual organ as mere animalistic stuff in the college dorm eating room. The only time I had a one-night-stand I felt the whole next day crying desperately, not for moral reasons, as an uncontrollable reaction, like YOUR BODY JUST PUKES when you drink too much. Mind you, all this before SR, so all FreudoMarxists with their subversive theories on how we are sexually repressed and that causes us to seek masculinity and be imperialistic and stuff can go fuck themselves. This is not a "Christian society" repression. Ancient Greece understood the beauty and glory of the human body and its eroticism like no other culture. It's not about sculpture. If you read the Iliad, the beauty of a great warrior just lifting a sword, weeping before the beach, being taken by a dream... is seen in the divine splendour it truely has. Now, Greece was no puritan society, of course you had the Dyonisiac rites, but they had a sacred function. Plato talks in the Symposium (and this view was shared by many before and after him but he expressed it in perfection) how the Eros is the most beautiful for in nature, it moves beehives and waves, lovers and gods. But if it's reduced to a purely animal instinct, a mere frotting of organs of high sensitivity, it turns into the biggest sin because it spits against a force that moves to the higher deeds. Funnily enough, Nietzsche, who despised everything Plato represented for humanity and was himself a chronic masturbator (at least when young) ONLY agreed with him in this. Back to Plato. He talks about how, before the fall of men, in the ideal realm, humans were androgyn, we were one whole being and, the gods, envying us for being in such harmony with ourselves, nature, and beauty, fearing we might overcome them, split us in half and condemned us to seek reunion. This myth is shared in many pagan traditions (Hinduism, Aztecs, Siberian Paganism, pre-Buddhist Tibetanism, Buddhism, &c.). It is compatible also, in my view, with the deeper meaning of Genesis. Whether you believe it's an alegory or holds a deeper truth is barely relevant. The thing is, there IS a perfect supreme state in which the masculine metaphysical force and the feminine converge and ascend into a supreme form of being. Unmoveable, untouchable, ethernal. 2. That leads me to the other reason. I don't want every woman to look at me in the street. I don't cashier's voices to tremble at me. I've always been quite fit (now many people ask me if I'm on roids, and I'm not even two years into lifting, I just have privileged genetics in that sense) and I was "gifted" as a kid, so I've always had a lot of attention, whether good or bad, and it's been mostly bad (crabs bucket, &c.). I want to purify myself because, beside loving truth and beauty above all else and feeling animalistic lust defiles it, I don't want to hurt my anima. There's a perfect other soul out their who I'm destined to join to become one till death do us part. A girl created just for me and me for her. A girl who, when I look at, I will feel, as the Divine Commedy says, "the love that moves the sun and the other stars". A girl who I'm destined to spend my life helping grow spiritually and being helped by. Whenever I descend into lower states of being and defiling myself, I hurt her spiritually, same goes for her. This exchange has been happening since our conception and maybe even before, and it will continue at least after death. If we turn ourselves into lower beings, we sink into deeper and deeper distance from that which makes us perfect, and we waste our lives in a loveless marriage, in endless hookups, seeking material possessions, as drug addicts, &c. Monks, like Seraphim Rose, are destined by God to have their Anima in them since birth. This will cause deeper struggle but also a supreme state none of us otherd will reach. As Nicolás Gómez Dávila said "The only thing that can console us of being men is that there were monks". I think I've met my Anima yesterday. That's the reason for the long post. I've lurked here for a long time and I wanted to summarize the best I could all my thoughts on this practice that I don't often read here, but I'm signing off this account in a few days, if any of you have any questions or want me to go further into some matters of the post I'll stay around before logging off.
But yesterday I felt in my heart not just "love" but that my search was over, that I was home. With the world being how it is now, I can't but thank God. God bless you anon. There is a divine force in you destined for true heaven.