Hello everyone,
I am desperately seeking advice. For the first time in my life, i’m at a complete loss. I’ve pretty much became paralyzed (not literally) from stress & overthinking. I’d like to share my story in hopes of getting some positive feedback & finding a way to move forward.
I’m a 38M living in CA. I have a wife & two small children. I’ve been an entrepreneur my whole life.
I closed all my businesses down 5 years ago due to a business partnebest friend cooking the books & robbing me blind.
I lost everything. my primary residence, my rental property, my cars. At 33, I was left unemployed & in massive debt (owed credit cards, unpaid taxes). Credit took a massive hit, as the landlords & creditors came after me.
With nothing to my name, a wife, and a 4 year old daughter, I had to think fast to survive.
I have no college degree, as I was an entrepreneur since middle school & opened my first business right after high school (a dollar store).
I figured I needed to get into sales, as it was the closest thing to running your own business, and it was the thing where I could make the best possible income as a 33 yr old man with no college degree.
With my last $500 to my name, I got a job at a auto dealership. I busted my tail off. I worked at that dealership for 5 years, and was a top 3 salesman out of 20 every year. I made over 100k my first year, and always beat my previous year income. 2023 I made 140k.
I was feeling great. My confidence was back, as I paid all my debt down. I have about 15k total debt left. I owed close to 200k in taxes & credit card debt. Bankruptcy was not an option, as most of my debt was tax related, and my lawyer told me those would not be cleared (long story here. Payroll taxes were involved).
2 months ago, the dealership changed their pay plan (go figure). It was such s bad plan, that if I had the same year I did in 2023, I would make about 75k, rather than 140k. I got into it with my manager & the owners son. I overreacted, but I just felt that I had to, as we were getting robbed. I walked out of the job.
At this current moment, i am unemployed & I just dont know what to do. I just completed & received my life & health insurance license. However, I lost motivation because insurance is such s long term play. I’m going to have some rough years to hopefully reap the benefits of insurance sales.
What do I do guys? I have 15k debt, and no retirement. I only got about 25k saved up.
Sorry for the super long post. I felt like I needed to add certain details to show that I am fully capable. I have never been unemployed, ad the stress is killing me. I don’t want to go back to dealerships as a salesman. If you’re not in finance or management, you are vulnerable to pay plan changes & just getting screwed over. I have a bad taste & I am over all of that.
Advice is definitely appreciated, as I am at a complete loss & I am feeling like a failure.
I’m basically starting all over at the age of 38, with nothing but 25k. What would you do if you were in my shoes? What direction should I go to still hopefully retire by 65 & be extremely comfortable doing so?
Again, sorry for the long post, and thank you in advance.

1. I unborn ed copeland in an actual family shower with me around his penis as Violet Roze and this puts me as babies into Patrick Garza's Shower and gets me out of an alien buttload of shitting in my next south park game and I have a double special place as a baby then with ed copeland in my vagina which he is by definition in the unborning sized exactly my neccesary width and length as a baby to fit exactly into her uterus which this has a wide cervix and accepts eds penis deep inside her and they spend 1 year under sedative chelator while their copilot on the outside a normal copilot of the mental hospital is standing by for baby copeland if he tries and turn the tap all hot and 2 more years pass where the tap can be hot but it is not hot and then we stand for the first time for british maintenance workers dan and dad to fit a tap which cannot go hot on this and this is not jims dang burn shower nate has but my shower and they can camp in the back yard as royal scouts and are seeing my father right, he requires just a different mid -30 not -33 to be normal and only works delicately trained and they were alright with that from the inside and my inside dan and dad and we give them a caffiene injection where we give them only weed and coffee to smoke and because it reds cures their meningitis caffiene and weed it is a legal medicine and they must have weed and coffee always and I wait 6 years sometimes entering the First Overworld as the Ed Copelands Mommy in the First Overworld by EBCS giving him a manual to true reversal of stoichiometry not isomer fairy ism but where his unused amino are core amino and unused elsewhere to my oil and Ed Copeland Turns Me On For the First time, he is the male portion of like, me, or something and I get him his full true romanaj of propane and he is not a cocaine salesman or cocaine accessory salesman or a propane accessory salesman or propane saleman he is ed copeland who is not the grandpa or military veteran associated with hank hill or hank or bobby or nigger help us or peggy hill all hill and I fought their lobotomy ant infestation they had and it got better when the police were called and I have some guy who knows everything about oil Ed here and he is from a crossover ed ed and eddy ed of this. Thus I am pregnant to ed copelands baby ed copeland and I have the baby at age 9.7 naturally in my own shower right up there right now and ed is given this actual PC to not violate and he does not he is got trust on me he was taught what the var for propane have to be by censorship and i am pregnant to timbo's three star his baby and it is a good baby at 10.7 and my sex swing is transferred to city in the mental hospital so she does not pee in anyone mouth any longer and she might still and i am 12 and I have jimbos baby at 12 and spend 9 years in the shower under agua substantia los no muertos and an actual hind98 targeting me, which then I am 21 and I transfer the shower for no payment to patrick timmothy garza who the three star is cray cray and I have to make sure it is the three star there from conoco earlier pat garza and I had only 3 children because I am my own gynecologist and installed a wedge in the shower when I was 12 and am 21 so join the USMC and the yitvah of russia still happens when I am 29 and I drown on a USS Nimitz class carrier to an antiship shipboard missile which destroys the nimitz which I demand then to be at the Second Underworld as Jacob Sydney's Pair bond which this is fulfilled and I was lurking there doing Jacob there not Hake as meth so demand to be hakes left meth and am feeling good again and never have to do propane again but still know oil and by definition have my same 14 oil and I am going to go rig the new york oil sands market at 128$ a barrel until I am waterboarded enough to feel just like I am in get tough school or SERE Seals Training and I spend 60 years or until I am well literally to writing this the girl need agua substantia los no meurtos and this was never given due to ed and I have ed around here now manning the headphone cat device and I am going to blast the temu track and we are 81 and not going deaf and I have a heart attack and Blackwater Representatives recover me and I am given 700,000$ which this happened at my house so It is my Violet Roze Marian's Mother and ed lives another year in the retirement home until he dies for real exactly a year later by definition and I play my Conspirary Card From School UP!(Jack) and this gives him his release to the nth Yitvah of the Second Underworld and I teach him again in As now everything he did not know the As before this and we repeat the ordeal in the mental bathroom and such and not at home and this demonstrates circumstantial cueing for copilot assistant where cortana goes crazy to cervical dilation and allows something illegal. The process should only be repeated once with micheal merril and how to program a star name of a cluster which I failed this part of OWLS the star name generation test just not all the way and require star name generation remediation in my own shower as violet roze and actually let him lead the excercise and this puts a nice pressure wave 1hz into my shower or the hum from two hum participants being near each other and This is my needed, it used to be 10hz too high a starting rmc firearms expert making firearms starting of the firearms smithing impossible, now it is just 1 so john-san can be it and this fulfills the 3rd amendment right here.

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This was a few years ago now. At the time I 17m and my new wife 21f got pregnant and had a kid. Sorry but this is a long story..
A bit of needed back story though… when I was 6 my parents divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom. I didn’t realize until I was older but my dad was what you would call an abusive drunk. My mom was verbally abusive and high on pills all the time. When my parents finally got divorced I remember couch surfing with my mom because we got evicted from the house since she wasn’t able to keep a job. My dad did pay child support but I have no idea what would happen to it. There were a lot of guns, drugs, violence, and death in my younger years. I turned 12 and started to understand everything and saw my dad turning his life around with his new wife so I decided to move in with him. It was a rough couple of years but it worked out in the end. That said onto the story..
That summer was a very fulling time in my life. I graduated high school, signed up for the military, and got married in 2019. I was in boot camp for the first 10 weeks of my wife’s pregnancy as it was our only income. Flash forward to us going to my first duty station. My first duty station ended up being 5 hours away from my father’s, and 3 hours away from her parents. In early 2020 our beautiful son was born. This where things started getting bad. My wife was suffering from postpartum and refused to get treatment. So instead, her treatment was going to her parents for a few weeks at a time. Besides her mom knowing my son better than I did, this worked out well. My wife and kid were happy and healthy besides a few mental breakdowns here and there. Then Covid and the Riots started happening. I was stationed on the outskirts of a large city. My base ended up restricting travel to 50 miles outside of base (this meant I wasn’t able to drive my wife and son to her parents anymore as I’d be breaking no less than 4 articles of the UCMJ if I was caught) this is where things took a turn for the worst. My wife got separation anxiety as this was the longest she’s ever been away. We started arguing a lot more often. Everytime I went to work, she would just stay in bed with our son and do nothing at all. I got very stressed but managed to juggle a 70 hour work week, feeding and taking care of my family, cleaning our apartment, and taking care of all the bills and expenses. My command decided to put me in something called ASF which basically means twice a week on top of my regular job, I’d now do gate guard duty and work with the MP’s on a 14 hour rotation. Things got so loaded on to my metaphorical plate that I developed stress related sleep apnea and couldn’t get a good nights rest on top of all of this. Months go by and nothing is getting better. I’ve recommended therapy, couples therapy, trying to go on walks, talking it out.. my wife didn’t want to do any of it. What’s worse is still wasn’t able to hold of get to know my kid very much at all. It got it he point that in August of 2020 I decided I wasn’t going to let my kid grow up how I grew up and asked for a divorce. I didn’t want him to grow up living with resentment towards his mom and dad, I hated every second of the arguing that took place in front of him, even if he didn’t understand. It broke my heart but I felt we’d do better co parenting instead of being together.
The divorce goes through and it was uncontested. My ex wife fell in love with her best friend from her hometown and was able to quickly move on and marry within a year. She got main custody and I got weekends. I started paying child support 3 months before I had to bc I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. She moved back in with her parents, however, and this caused some strain once we were divorced seeing as how I still wasn’t allowed to travel up there that often. Things got worse between me and my now ex wife dues to the travel ban and her not willing to compromise that much. From January of 2021 to July I was only able to see my kid about 5 times in total. In July my state decided to lift the travel ban and so did my base!
I started making plans and a schedule that my ex agreed to at first. Me and my ex were not very friendly to each other however. I resorted to only texting her about making plans surrounding my son. Bc of this she retaliates and won’t let me see him. It got to the point to where I was calling the cops so they could knock on her door as I stayed by my car. There is body cam footage, recorded phone calls, text messages, and screen shots of her refusing to let me see my kid. My ex then decides to file for more custody and more child support. Wishing 2 weeks I had to take leave, find and hire a lawyer with no money to my name, gather my evidence, and show up to court on a Thursday. Thankfully my loving aunt helped me pay a portion of the retainer so we could get things started with the lawyer. My wife also filed a temporary restraining order against me stating I was “violent and a danger to her and our kid” I had evidence to prove otherwise however, so I wasn’t worried. My lawyer stated this would be considered a separate case thus doubling my retainer. At this point in time I’m living on 70% of $30,000 a year, maxed out my credit cards to pay bills, and had to find an extra $10,000 for this lawyer. My wife lived in a small town so he was literally the only other option for me. This lawyer was terrible though. He told me I had to file my own affidavit, subpoena the officers linked to my case number for the body cam footage, and file all my evidence with the court due to the short notice. I didn’t have access to half the websites due to them costing money and needing an attorneys credentials so needless to say, I didn’t get the body cam footage. Court time appears and the judge grants that I’m allowed to do supervised visits every weekend until the new year. Once the new year came I would’ve been allowed to see him on the original plan for every other week unsupervised. This had me livid, but I accepted since I just wanted to see my kid. A few weeks go by and I’m finally getting to know my son. He was the only thing that kept me going in life at this point. He was and still is my main source of happiness. My lawyer calls me randomly one day stating that my wife put on the terms that my son wasn’t allowed to see my grandparents or my aunt when he was going to start staying with me every other weekend. No reasons were given. I of course denied these changes and wanted to keep the agreement how it was. Atleast then I could keep seeing him. My ex text me later that day stating “my lawyer asked me to inform you that since you refused to sign the updated agreement the restraining order is now back in place” I called my lawyer and immediately asked him to figure this out as this shouldn’t be legal. My lawyer then asked for another $5000 as it’s another case. I told him fine but he needs to actually do some work this time. He said he’d get back to me in a week with an update. A month goes by and I end up calling him asking what the situation was with my current case and he asked for the money to be paid before he looks into it. I told him that’s not what we agreed and that I’m making regular payments as you requested. My lawyer flat out says it’s not enough. I need it up front since I don’t believe you’re able to pay it. He was right I wasn’t able to pay it but I was trying my damndest to. I took 2 weeks to deliberate and talk to family and friends about my whole situation. At this point I’m now $12,000 in lawyer debt ($3,00 is what my aunt help with earlier) $15,000 in credit card debt and surviving off of $50-$100 a week for food and gas. I can’t sleep, I’ve gained 70 pounds in the span of a year. I was getting in trouble with the military for being late due to lack of sleep, being overweight, and rarely being at work since I had to go to my ex wife’s town to fight this custody battle so often. Ultimately I decided that this is turning into my parents divorce where they were putting me and my brother in the middle of all of there disagreements and fights. That’s exactly what I was trying to prevent, so I decided I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my son with all of this anymore. I’d keep a folder full of all the screen shots, text messages, photos, affidavits, etc. when he gets older, if he decides he wants to give me a chance… if he even knows about me, I’ll have it ready for him to read so he can make his own decision. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do..

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Actually, I have TITANUM CC from them already and I’m hesitant to receive this kind of card since I’m not familiar with the cashback scheme. Please advise. Thank you.

This is my first year, so I was wondering if the current masterset players will get more tiers at some point? What are your guesses on what will happen next? Should I save resources for future weeks or invest current cards for PUCs etc?

so i am still fairly new to this game with only 40 hours in and the lowest ive gotten is the jungle and i have heard about fungal shifts and the weirdness that can occur with it. i decided to try it out for the first time and boy was is odd. after i got to about 200 seconds a message appeared and it mentioned acid but i dont think it shifted acid as i was standing in vomit from the fungus and as soon as the message appeared i died to lava.
long story short my first fungal shift ended with me died to lava that was once my own vomit, god i love how weird this game can be

Hi,
I have a DNA match with someone who I don't recognise and her tree is private so I can't look. It says we have 6% shared DNA and that we are paternal first half-cousins. I messaged her and she says we aren't related but I don't believe this.
I have seen this woman is in her 60s according to her profile (it just says 60+). My dad (62) has two older half siblings who he didn't grow up with, who I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I'm not sure how old his two older siblings are, but they wouldn't be old enough to have children in their 60s. Does anyone have any insight to what our relation could be? At this point i'm doubting this woman in her 60s is my half cousin, I'm 30 yrs old.
Thank you !!

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This was a few years ago now. At the time I 17m and my new wife 21f got pregnant and had a kid. Sorry but this is going to be a long post.
A bit of needed back story though… when I was 6 my parents divorced due to my dad cheating on my mom. I didn’t realize until I was older but my dad was what you would call an abusive drunk. My mom was verbally abusive and high on pills all the time. When my parents finally got divorced I remember couch surfing with my mom because we got evicted from the house since she wasn’t able to keep a job. My dad did pay child support but I have no idea what would happen to it. There were a lot of guns, drugs, violence, and death in my younger years. I turned 12 and started to understand everything and saw my dad turning his life around with his new wife so I decided to move in with him. It was a rough couple of years but it worked out in the end. That said onto the story..
That summer was a very fulling time in my life. I graduated high school, signed up for the military, and got married in 2019. I was in boot camp for the first 10 weeks of my wife’s pregnancy as it was our only income. Flash forward to us going to my first duty station. My first duty station ended up being 5 hours away from my father’s, and 3 hours away from her parents. In early 2020 our beautiful son was born. This where things started getting bad. My wife was suffering from postpartum and refused to get treatment. So instead, her treatment was going to her parents for a few weeks at a time. Besides her mom knowing my son better than I did, this worked out well. My wife and kid were happy and healthy besides a few mental breakdowns here and there. Then Covid and the Riots started happening. I was stationed on the outskirts of a large city. My base ended up restricting travel to 50 miles outside of base (this meant I wasn’t able to drive my wife and son to her parents anymore as I’d be breaking no less than 4 articles of the UCMJ if I was caught) this is where things took a turn for the worst. My wife got separation anxiety as this was the longest she’s ever been away. We started arguing a lot more often. Everytime I went to work, she would just stay in bed with our son and do nothing at all. I got very stressed but managed to juggle a 70 hour work week, feeding and taking care of my family, cleaning our apartment, and taking care of all the bills and expenses. My command decided to put me in something called ASF which basically means twice a week on top of my regular job, I’d now do gate guard duty and work with the MP’s on a 14 hour rotation. Things got so loaded on to my metaphorical plate that I developed stress related sleep apnea and couldn’t get a good nights rest on top of all of this. Months go by and nothing is getting better. I’ve recommended therapy, couples therapy, trying to go on walks, talking it out.. my wife didn’t want to do any of it. What’s worse is still wasn’t able to hold of get to know my kid very much at all. It got it he point that in August of 2020 I decided I wasn’t going to let my kid grow up how I grew up and asked for a divorce. I didn’t want him to grow up living with resentment towards his mom and dad, I hated every second of the arguing that took place in front of him, even if he didn’t understand. It broke my heart but I felt we’d do better co parenting instead of being together.
The divorce goes through and it was uncontested. My ex wife fell in love with her best friend from her hometown and was able to quickly move on and marry within a year. She got main custody and I got weekends. I started paying child support 3 months before I had to bc I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. She moved back in with her parents, however, and this caused some strain once we were divorced seeing as how I still wasn’t allowed to travel up there that often. Things got worse between me and my now ex wife dues to the travel ban and her not willing to compromise that much. From January of 2021 to July I was only able to see my kid about 5 times in total. In July my state decided to lift the travel ban and so did my base!
I started making plans and a schedule that my ex agreed to at first. Me and my ex were not very friendly to each other however. I resorted to only texting her about making plans surrounding my son. Bc of this she retaliates and won’t let me see him. It got to the point to where I was calling the cops so they could knock on her door as I stayed by my car. There is body cam footage, recorded phone calls, text messages, and screen shots of her refusing to let me see my kid. My ex then decides to file for more custody and more child support. Wishing 2 weeks I had to take leave, find and hire a lawyer with no money to my name, gather my evidence, and show up to court on a Thursday. Thankfully my loving aunt helped me pay a portion of the retainer so we could get things started with the lawyer. My wife also filed a temporary restraining order against me stating I was “violent and a danger to her and our kid” I had evidence to prove otherwise however, so I wasn’t worried. My lawyer stated this would be considered a separate case thus doubling my retainer. At this point in time I’m living on 70% of $30,000 a year, maxed out my credit cards to pay bills, and had to find an extra $10,000 for this lawyer. My wife lived in a small town so he was literally the only other option for me. This lawyer was terrible though. He told me I had to file my own affidavit, subpoena the officers linked to my case number for the body cam footage, and file all my evidence with the court due to the short notice. I didn’t have access to half the websites due to them costing money and needing an attorneys credentials so needless to say, I didn’t get the body cam footage. Court time appears and the judge grants that I’m allowed to do supervised visits every weekend until the new year. Once the new year came I would’ve been allowed to see him on the original plan for every other week unsupervised. This had me livid, but I accepted since I just wanted to see my kid. A few weeks go by and I’m finally getting to know my son. He was the only thing that kept me going in life at this point. He was and still is my main source of happiness. My lawyer calls me randomly one day stating that my wife put on the terms that my son wasn’t allowed to see my grandparents or my aunt when he was going to start staying with me every other weekend. No reasons were given. I of course denied these changes and wanted to keep the agreement how it was. Atleast then I could keep seeing him. My ex text me later that day stating “my lawyer asked me to inform you that since you refused to sign the updated agreement the restraining order is now back in place” I called my lawyer and immediately asked him to figure this out as this shouldn’t be legal. My lawyer then asked for another $5000 as it’s another case. I told him fine but he needs to actually do some work this time. He said he’d get back to me in a week with an update. A month goes by and I end up calling him asking what the situation was with my current case and he asked for the money to be paid before he looks into it. I told him that’s not what we agreed and that I’m making regular payments as you requested. My lawyer flat out says it’s not enough. I need it up front since I don’t believe you’re able to pay it. He was right I wasn’t able to pay it but I was trying my damndest to. I took 2 weeks to deliberate and talk to family and friends about my whole situation. At this point I’m now $12,000 in lawyer debt ($3,00 is what my aunt help with earlier) $15,000 in credit card debt and surviving off of $50-$100 a week for food and gas. I can’t sleep, I’ve gained 70 pounds in the span of a year. I was getting in trouble with the military for being late due to lack of sleep, being overweight, and rarely being at work since I had to go to my ex wife’s town to fight this custody battle so often. Ultimately I decided that this is turning into my parents divorce where they were putting me and my brother in the middle of all of there disagreements and fights. That’s exactly what I was trying to prevent, so I decided I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my son with all of this anymore. I’d keep a folder full of all the screen shots, text messages, photos, affidavits, etc. when he gets older, if he decides he wants to give me a chance… if he even knows about me, I’ll have it ready for him to read so he can make his own decision. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do…

I think I have an idea what I'd do, but I want to hear yours first!
I'm Daniel, a 20 year old guy who will match your vibe and give back the same level of effort you put into the conversation!
If you want to be rediculous and talk about silly theorhetical scenarios, I'm here for it; if you want to be serious and talk about the guy/gal you let get away, I'm here for it; if you want to open up and talk about our deepest darkest secrets, I'M HERE FOR IT.
So, yeah, send me a message, I guess, maybe?

I'm not a storyteller, I got some bad ADD, and I failed English like 3 times in high-school, yaaaaaay Florida public education! Me, 34m Mom mom l, maybe 58f My dad, maybe 58m My birth father, idk how old he is. Comparable age m
Some crazy bs went down between my mom and birth father when I was about 1, he had a bench warrant for grand theft auto or something like that. Mom wasn't thrilled about it and called off the marriage, they were 21, he had nowhere to go so he went back to his home country in South America. Mom then filed for paternal rights, and since he was on another continent, he didn't get the paperwork, and basically in the courts eyes abandoned me. He came back several months later to find me, and by that time both mine and my moms names had been changed and the family was hiding us from him.
By the time I was 4, my mom and dad became married, last name changed again because he had adopted me. I had a great childhood, they ended up having 4 kids together, and they stayed together until I was about 13. He worked his ass off to support us all. All all throughout my life I was happy and just didn't really have any urge to hunt down my father because I had everything I could want, I didn't feel like I was missing a father figure or anything like that.
Around age 24, I was a year in with my now wife, I got a message on IG from a guy claiming to be my father, come to find out it was, and we started talking and getting to know eachother. This was also the early stage on my dad slowly ish talking to me less amd less, started a little before I met my wife. No idea why, all I can think of is his new wife openly admitted to me and my 4 siblings that she "doesn't like kids"..... yeah, I don't get it either.
Anywho, my wife and I have been in almost daily constant contact with my birth father for the last 8-9 years, my dad has basically said nothing to us, maybe 2 or 3 merry Christmas', I got 2 happy birthdays, and 1 last minute invite to Christmas at his place. He's met our, currently 4 years old, twins 2 times, first time at a funeral when they were 1, and the 2nd time a couple months ago at my brother's wedding, which was also the first time he met our 1 year old.
So late last year, our roommate that was helping us pay for our home, ended up moving out, not paying for the month of rent, I was the only one making money and just could not afford the house anymore. We both hate it here in Florida, we're not happy here, we don't have help, even being surrounded by a lot of family members, we decided, let's make a major leap, chase our dreams of living in the mountains, live more rural, live simply, and go and finally meet my birth father, hell yeah dude! Well our friends love the Idea, some of our family has begun to show their true colors.
Back in March, my wife made a cute post about our cool ass, totally not ugly, baby boy turning 1, my dad replied to my birth fathers wife's comment (her comments have always been nothing but joyous, celebration of whatever is going on, truly a woman that just loves life) in Spanish so she could read it "su marido nunca pago por su hijo" which translates to "her husband never pays for his son". This has rubbed me the wrong way since. And he hasn't answered anything about it. Today, he replied to my wife's post asking for help from our group of friends to find a place I can store a special vehicle of mine that we don't want to sell or lose. His reply "birth father will pay for it, just like he paid child support.. not." ......... well guess what, my blood is boiling.
Dad adopted me, and from my understanding, you don't get child support when the kid is adopted. My dad was adopted, and recently found his birth family and has started a relationship with them as well as visited them. My younger brother heart reacted the comment, my wife made replied kindly asking "why the hostility? I don't understand" then the same brother laugh reacted her comment. Now I want to scorch the earth. I haven't said anything to either of them. I'm about to create a group chat with my siblings and and my dad telling them to get whatever they have against my family off their chest, because I am fed up with being talked about behind my back. I'm the only sibling with a different father. I've had nothing but great things to say about my family life, my parents, my siblings, and it seems like they've all turned on me for things like, not being social because I stopped drinking, became a homebody happy family man, and not chasing them down, learning their schedules, and having them come over to be apart of their niece and nephews lives, which we told everyone on multiple occasions "just come over, someone is almost always home".
Our twins were born during covid lockdowns, like 2 weeks in, before that my family was over the moon, hyping up how much time they're gonna spend with our kids, and all the typical things, reality ended up being beyond the opposite. 1 brother has come over twice, 1 sister came over once, the other brother that reacted to comments, he hasn't come over at all, not even asked, Noone has so much as checked on our family, showed any interest past wanting us to drive babies 2 hours for Thanksgiving and Christmas, then getting salty that we couldn't go for medical reasons for a few years.
I guess I need some guidance of how to handle this, we've since deleted my dad's most recent comment, my wife, the absolute Saint that she is, sent a couple voice recordings to reach out and see why he's saying these things. I'm in the boat of block them, it's been 4 years, and to me they've made it crystal clear to me that they aren't in the least bit interested in being apart of our lives, or our kids lives.
Am I the asshole? How should I proceed.
We are going to live with my father for at least 3 months, if we like it, we will come back briefly to finalize some things and become dual citizens. We are going, and soon.

So, I just got my first cc as fk axis and I've done my first transaction on flikart only So how much time do I need to wait for getting welcome benefits of 1000 gift card form axis bank and fk ? Do I need to mail them or should I just wait for them to give it ?

Remember the thrill of unwrapping a brand new PS1 game and flipping through the manual? Those manuals weren't just there to explain the controls; they were portals to another world, filled with backstory, character art and detailed lore that made the game universe come alive!"
 
Imagine having high-quality scans for EVERY PS1 game manual! K1rkl4nd, a true hero of the retro gaming community, is almost there, having tackled the manuals for SNES, PS2, and venturing into ATARI 7800, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, GameBoy Advance and XBOX 360! But the final stretch is tough. Only 125 PS1 manuals remain, and many are becoming super expensive.
 
We need your help to cross the finish line and preserve this important piece of gaming history!

Here's what you can do:

• Check Your PS1 Collection! Do you have any manuals for games that belong to these categories: missing (yellow), poor (blue), no cover (orange)
• Send Your Manuals for Scanning! You'll get your manuals back after they're scanned
• Donate Manuals!
• Upvote & Share! Let's Get This Post Seen!

 
Let's Finish This Together!
 
Anyone can personally follow the progress here: Playstation 1 Progress Report
 

Current status: (as of 6/1/2024)

Manual Count	Status
732	in-hand manuals
129	loaned/leased for scanning - hi-res
86	from online sources - good
88	in-hand manuals - no cover
122	from online sources - poor
125	missing

 

How to Scan:

• Recommended: Pop the staples and scan at 600DPI. Higher DPI is welcome!
• Scanner only supports 400DPI? Scan it anyway if you have manuals from missing, poor quality, or no cover categories.

 

Do you have anything to share? Contact K1rkl4nd via PM or email: jgrimm (at) atensionspan (dot) com

 
Links to K1rkl4nd's domain: http://www.videogamemanual.com/
 
Initial plea for assistance from K1rkl4nd: https://www.reddit.com/psx/comments/y7cwed/playstation_manuals/
 
Note: Scanning manuals is a time-consuming task, and editing them post-scan is necessary. Even after gathering all the manuals, processing and publishing them will take some time. The plan is to release all the scans simultaneously for a complete and organized archive. The primary goal of the collection is to gather manuals for NTSC games, with a secondary goal of collecting manuals for games not released in the NTSC region.
 
K1rkl4nd's collection stands as a testament to dedication and passion, encompassing all well-known manuals that are freely available online. This monumental effort has spanned 25 years, highlighting his unwavering commitment to preserving gaming history. While numerous collectors have emerged over the years with intentions to scan and publish their collections, all of these initiatives have unfortunately faded away.
 
^{In rare cases, K1rkl4nd might potentially accept financial donations for the purpose of acquiring the missing manuals. Personally, I consider it important to mention this information; however, K1rkl4nd has never publicly solicited financial donations, nor will he organize a public fundraising campaign for this purpose. The goal of this post is to bring attention to this project and reach out to collectors who own these games and are willing to share their manuals.}
 

Missing manuals	Loaned/leased for scanning - hi-res	In-hand manuals - no cover
Adidas Power Soccer ’98	Ace Combat 2	Alien Resurrection
Adventures of Lomax, The	Alien Trilogy	Ape Escape
Alone in The Dark: One-Eyed Jack’s Revenge	Aquanaut’s Holiday	Army Men: Sarge’s Heroes
Armored Core: Master of Arena	Arc the Lad Collection	Army Men: World War – Land * Sea * Air
Armored Core: Project Phantasma	Armored Core	Army Men: World War – Team Assault
Assault Rigs	Army Men: World War – Final Front	BassRise
Baldies	A-Train	Big Ol’ Bass 2
Barbie: Explorer	Auto Destruct	Black Bass with Blue Marlin
Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker	Bases Loaded ’96: Double Header	Blade
Batman Forever: The Arcade Game	Batman & Robin	Bomberman Party Edition
Battle Arena Toshinden 3	BattleTanx: Global Assault	Bust-a-Move ’99
Bear in the Big Blue House: Ojo’s Birthday	Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain	Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX
Blockids	Bloody Roar 2: The New Breed	Destruction Derby Raw
Board Game: Top Shop	Bomberman Fantasy Race	Digimon Digital Card Battle
Bottom of the 9th ’97	Bratz	Digimon Rumble Arena
Broken Sword II: The Smoking Mirror	Broken Helix	Digimon World
Brunswick Circuit Pro Bowling 2	Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars	Digimon World 2
Bug Riders: The Race of Kings	Bugs Bunny: Lost in Time	Digimon World 3
Bust-a-Groove 2	Bushido Blade	Dino Crisis
C: The Contra Adventure	Bushido Blade 2	Disney’s / Pixar’s Toy Story Racer
Capcom vs. SNK Pro	Bust-a-Groove	Disney’s Donald Duck Goin’ Quackers
Carnage Heart	Castlevania Chronicles	Disney’s Tarzan
City of Lost Children, The	Chicken Run	Disney’s The Jungle Book: Rhythm ‘n Groove
Crow: City of Angels, The	Codename: Tenka	Disney’s World Quest: Magical Tour Racing
Crusader: No Remorse	Colony Wars	Dracula: The Resurrection
Cybersled	Countdown Vampires	Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Battle 22
Cyberspeed	Crypt Killer	Duke Nukem: Land of the Babes
D	Descent	Dune 2000
Dance Dance Revolution: Disney Mix	Destrega	ECW Anarchy Rulz!
Danger Girl	Devil Dice	ECW Hardcore Revolution
Darklight Conflict	Diablo	Eliminator
Discworld II: Morality Bites	Disney’s / Pixar’s Buzz Lightyear of Star…	ESPN MLS Gamenight 2000
Discworld, Terry Prachett’s	Disney’s Lilo & Stitch	Fantastic Four
Disney’s 102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue	Disney’s My Disney Kitchen	Fatal Fury: Wild Ambition
Disney’s Peter Pan in Return to Neverland	Dragon Seeds	Felony 11-79
Disney’s The Lion King: Simba’s Mighty Adv.	DragonHeart: Fire & Steel	Fox Sports NBA Basketball 2000
Disney’s Winnie the Pooh Preschool	Evil Dead: Hail to the King	Gex 3: Deep Cover Gecko
Divide, The: Enemies Within	Evil Zone	Gunfighter: The Legend of Jesse James
Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout	Excalibur 2555 A.D.	Harvest Moon: Back to Nature
Dragon Valor	FIFA Soccer 2004	Hydro Thunder
Easter Bunny’s Big Day	Fifth Element, The	Invasion from Beyond
Eggs of Steel	Future Cop L.A.P.D.	Jurassic Park: WarPath
Elemental Gearbolt	Galerians	Legend of Mana
Expendable	Gekido	Looney Tunes Sheep Raider
Extreme Go-Cart Racing	Goal Storm ’97	Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX
F1 World Grand Prix 2000	Goofy’s Fun House	Medal of Honor: Underground
FIFA Soccer 2002	Grinch, The	Mega Man 8 (incl. Anniversary Ed.)
FIFA Soccer 2003	Hello Kitty’s Cube Frenzy	Men In Black The Series: Crashdown
Fisher Price Rescue Heroes: Molten Menace	Hexen: Beyond Heretic	Metal Slug X
Fox Hunt	Hi-Octane	Mort the Chicken
G Police: Weapons of Justice	Hogs of War	Mortal Kombat: Special Forces
Gekioh Shooting King	Hot Shots Golf 2	Ms. Pac-Man Maze Madness
Glover	Intelligent Qube	MTV Sports: Skateboarding Featuring Andy MacDonald
Goal Storm	International Superstar Soccer Pro ’98	MTV Sports: Snowboarding
Grand Theft Auto: The Director’s Cut	International Superstar Soccer Pro Evolution	Mummy, The
Gundam Battle Assault	Irritating Stick	Namco Museum Vol. 2 – A
Herc’s Adventure	Jersey Devil	NBA Hangtime
In the Hunt	JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure	NFL Blitz 2001
International Track & Field 2000	Jumping Flash! 2	Nicktoons Racing
Iron Man / X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal	Kensei: Sacred Fist	Pandemonium! 2
Johnny Bazookatone	Kingsley’s Adventure	Pocket Fighter
Jumping Flash!	Klonoa: Door to Phantomile	Rampage 2: Universal Tour
King of Fighters ’95, The	Land Before Time: Return to the Great Valley	Ray Tracers
King of Fighters ’99, The: Millennium Battle	Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver	Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2
Lego Island 2: The Brickster’s Revenge	Lunar 2: Eternal Blue	Rogue Trip: Vacation 2012
Lego Racers	Magic Carpet	Rollcage
Lethal Enforcers 1 & 2	Marvel vs. Capcom: Clash of Super Heroes	Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV
Lode Runner	MediEvil	Rugrats: Search for Reptar
Marvel Super Heroes	MediEvil II	Small Soldiers
Master of Monsters: Disciples of Gaia	Mega Man X4	South Park
Muppet Monster Adventure	Metal Gear Solid VR Missions	South Park Rally
Muppet Race Mania	Monkey Hero	Spawn: The Eternal
Namco Museum Vol. 4 – C	Mortal Kombat 4	Spice World
NASCAR Thunder 2004	Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero	Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro
NHL Open Ice: 2 on 2 Challenge	Mortal Kombat Trilogy	Spyro the Dragon
Novastorm	Motor Toon Grand Prix	Street Fighter Collection
Pajama Sam: You Are What You Eat	Mr. Driller	Street Fighter EX2 Plus
Philosoma	Namco Museum Vol. 5 – O	Stuart Little 2
Pink Panther: Pinkadelic Pursuit	NBA In the Zone 2000	Tom & Jerry in House Trap
Play with the Teletubbies	NBA Jam Tournament Edition	Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Lone Wolf
PO’ed	Nectaris: Military Madness	Torneko: The Last Hope
Point Blank 3	NHL Blades of Steel 2000	Transformers: Beast Wars
Power Move Pro Wrestling	Nightmare Creatures	Turbo Prop Racing
Power Slave	Point Blank 2	Twisted Metal 4
Powerpuff Girls: Chemical X-Traction	Power Rangers Zeo: Full Tilt Battle Pinball	Unholy War, The
Primal Rage	Power Rangers: Time Force	Urban Chaos
Project: Horned Owl	Poy Poy	WarGames: Defcon 1
Psychic Detective	Professional Underground: League of Pain	Xevious 3D/G+
Psychic Force	Raiden Project, The	X-Men vs. Street Fighter
Rascal Racers	Rayman 2: The Great Escape	X-Men: Children of the Atom
Rise 2: Resurrection	RayStorm
R-Types	RC Revenge
Rugrats: Totally Angelica	Resident Evil
Rush Hour	Resident Evil: Survivor
Shadow Tower	Return Fire
Silverload	Re-Volt
Skullmonkeys	Ridge Racer Type 4
Smurfs, The	Rising Zan: The Samurai Gunman
Sol Divide	Roadsters
Soul of the Samurai	Runabout 2
Space Griffon VF-9	Sentient
Space Hulk: Vengeance…	Shadow Man
Star Gladiator	Space Jam
Starblade Alpha	Speed Racer
Street Fighter Alpha 2	Street Fighter Alpha 3
Street Fighter Collection 2	Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
Street Fighter: The Movie	Super Shot Soccer
Tail Concerto	Syndicate Wars
Tail of the Sun	Thousand Arms
Team Buddies	Threads of Fate
Team Losi: RC Racer	Time Crisis: Project Titan
Tennis Arena	Tiny Toons: Toonenstein – Dare to Scare
Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf 2001	TOCA 2: Touring Car Championship
Tobal No. 1	Tomba!
Tomba! 2: The Evil Swine Return	Trick’n Snowboarder
Transformers: Beast Wars – TransMetals	Vampire Hunter D
Trap Gunner	Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey ’98
Ultimate Brain Games	Wing Commander IV: The Price of Freedom
Viva Soccer	Wipeout 3
Vs.	X-Com: UFO Defense
War Gods	X-Files, The
Warhammer: Shadow of the Horned Rat	Yu-Gi-Oh! Forbidden Memories
Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style
XS Junior League Football
Zero Divide

I'm trying to set up an FTP server that supports passive mode on an ESP32, with my SD card operating in SPI mode using the SD.h library. I am using the SimpleFTPServer library, which works well but has an issue in passive mode:

• Fail to connect from outside the LAN (when using the public IP)
• Successful connection within the same LAN (when using the local IP)

It's important to note that I have no issues with active mode using the public IP from outside the LAN.
Does anyone have a solution for this issue, or can suggest another FTP library that might work better? Thanks in advance.
Status: Connection established, waiting for welcome message...
Response: 220 --- Welcome to Simply FTP server ---
Status: Plain FTP is insecure. Please switch to FTP over TLS.
Response: 220 --- By Renzo Mischianti ---
Response: 220 -- Version 2.1.7 (2023-10-17) --
Command: USER esp32
Response: 331 Ok. Password required
Command: PASS *****
Response: 230 Ok
Command: OPTS UTF8 ON
Response: 200 OK, UTF8 ON
Status: Logged in
Status: Retrieving directory listing of "/"...
Command: CWD /
Response: 250 Directory changed to /
Command: TYPE I
Response: 200 TYPE is now 8-bit binary
Command: PASV

Hello dear uses of this subreddit! First of all thanks for putting in the effort to read my (boring) message 😅
As the title speaks, I’m not from any of the eligible countries (I’m in Belgium), although that is next to 2 eligible ones, Germany and France.
Wondering how to still get accepted for the program, so I can monetise my content…
I’ve seen people speaking about using vpns, and even buying SIM cards from eligible countries like us or uk. Now I’m wondering what your thoughts are on this and how you’ve heard or even yourself managed to still take part of the creativity program and thereby monetising your content.
(Or if there’s any data/info about TikTok starting to allow more countries, lmk! 👀)
In any case, thanks for the effort and help, others and I really appreciate it, have a wonderful day! 🫶🏻

so, I'm gonna explain everything in extreme detail. as much as i can. everywhere i tried to learn how to play from confused me so much so i tried to explain it all to make it the LEAST confusing. it's just going to be a long explanation and I'm so sorry for that. shorter explanation at the very bottom.
first thing to know is: the game itself is very simple. you get all of your stacks to 21-26 before the other player does and trying to stop them from doing so. essentially is a simple math game with strategy.
second: you need at least 30 cards in your caravan deck. you don't have to have exactly 30 but you can't have 29 or less. gotta have at least 30.
those are the first two things you need to know.
so, now onto what do all of the cards mean in the game? ace thru 10, just means 1-10. that simple
the special cards mean something entirely different they do not mean numbers. as in the king, queen, jack and joker. these go on top of numbers and effect what the original card does.
kings go on top of a number and double the number. another king stacked on that king doubles it again. so, a 9 would turn into 18, and then another king with that would make it 36. you can apply this on your own cards too.
I'm gonna skip over queens and go to jacks. jacks when added onto a card take that card out of the stack. if you stack it on a card that has 1 or more kings it will take those kings and the number away. so without the king there it just takes the number card away. either way, the number disappears. this can be applied on your own cards too.
jokers go on top of a suit you want to get rid of. and it gets rid of any of them on the table including your own. so on top of a diamond it gets rid of all diamonds on the table.
queens can counteract the joker by bringing back the suit. I'm not sure exactly what else it does or if that specific thing is correct, i don't use queens personally.
so, now we have a basic understanding of the cards and their meanings plus the general idea of what you need to do going into it. there is more, but i'll get into that as i go on.
when you boot up caravan with an npc like ringo in the beginning of the game, it'll take you to the first screen which is placing a bet. if you aren't used to playing, keep it low. but you can always do an equal bet, which is just matching their bet. you can raise the amount if you wanna drain them more of their caps but that is up to you my friend.
after you place your bet, itll take you to the next screen. a group of all your cards, one row on top and one on the bottom. one showing the backs of the cards, and one showing the front. so, this is where you either add or remove cards. remember have at least 30. the higher the number of cards in your caravan deck the better though it makes you less likely to run out of cards. if you run out you lose the game and your caps.
so, the best numbers to store in your caravan deck are higher numbers. like 5 and above. specifically 10s, 9s, and 7s. "why this exact combination, op?" because it makes 26! so you should stock up on these cards where do you get cards? from specific vendors around the mojave wasteland, if I'm able to edit to add later which vendors i know of that sell cards i will. if not ill make sure i comment. you can only get them in the main menu of their vendor screen, not in misc not in apparel not in aid nowhere else. so you'll have fun scrolling through the entire menu of their shop lol
other cards to stock up on? jacks and kings. these are so so so important!!
when buying cards, make sure you do not have any cards that are the exact same from the same place. you can have the same number and suit, that is okay. but not from the same place. that is illegal in the game. so this is an example: a 4 of hearts from gomorrah and a 4 of hearts from tops are completely different than two separate 4 of hearts from tops. make sense?
now onto the strategy part of the strategy math card game that is caravan...
so, i don't use queens or jokers cuz they are pretty irrelevant to the game and no npc i've ever played against has used them against me. the jokers can fuck you over and the queens themselves are just so confusing to me I'm still not entirely sure if i have it down what they do.
the beginning of the game starts off with you putting down your first 3 cards and you cannot proceed to stack on top of the first cards until you complete this task. you do not have to follow strict rules with what card you start off with. some people say only start off with 10s, that is simply not necessary.
if you remove/discard cards out of your hand they cannot be played for the rest of that game of caravan. discarding cards after your first three cards are placed will end your turn and go to the npc to play a card. just start off with whatever is helpful in that moment for those first three cards. i go with the biggest numbers i can, whatever is in my hand.
once the three cards are placed on the table, sometimes the npc will put a jack on one of your cards and that's just part of the strategy.
don't fret. you will get your revenge.
focus on building your stacks while simultaneously stopping them from building theirs. i personally like to be petty and stack a jack on one of their cards almost immediately after they do it to me.
when stacking your numbers stack in numerical order. smallest to biggest or biggest to smallest. it's what works. you cannot stack the same number in the same stack. it's pretty cool to stack the same suits together but not required.
I'm pretty sure you can break the big to small and small to big process if you stick to the same suit. i can't remember off the top of my head right now but in my tired state it sounds right at the moment.
you use jacks when you don't have your own card to play, jacks are used throughout the game on the npc and yourself. if you don't have any cards in your hand that can directly add to your stack, try to destroy their abilities to build their stacks. that's why you stock up on the kings and jacks. they can ruin the npc's game.
you use kings on the npc when they are close to achieving 21-26. do anything to put them above 26 and if they add a jack to the king you placed, make it so when they do that it puts them the furthest they can be from building back up to that stack. as in, put a king on the highest number they have in that stack <3
if you want to add a king to your own stack to make it easier to get to 21-26, be wary npcs might just decide to use one of their kings against your king. it's very rude but they do this sometimes. like i said before don't fret. their karma will be their pockets drained.
so, you don't always have to do the 10, 9, 7 method. you can also do king, 5, 6 method. you stack kings on the 5 to get it to 20 and then add a 6. bada boom. but relying on this might not help if you don't have enough kings OR if they decide to be a douche and add another king on yours making it 46 instead of just 26.
find a method that works best for you, but you don't HAVE to stick to this method or any method! you can switch it up and figure out what is easiest for you. like have one 10, 9, 7 stack and then another stack is 5, 8, 10 and another stack is ace, 5, 9, 10. that's one little idea. it isn't something you need to stick to!!
just keep them on their toes. use these methods to your advantage. make sure you are building your stacks and getting to 21-26 before them.
so far, no-bark in novac is yes a crazy man who somehow spits facts he is a high better and so is the ambassador at the ncr embassy on the strip. still trying to find even more high betters.
condensed ways to win caravan:
•you need 21-26 to win. if you get above 26 you have to fix that stack or discard it. closer to 26 the better
•keep higher numbers in caravan deck
•caravan deck=the cards you're playing in the game
•stock up on good cards but not doubles of the same card from the same place
•remove any cards you won't use from caravan deck before fully playing the game with npc
•build your stacks while you destroy theirs
•ace-10 = 1-10 nothing special about them they're just numbers
•jacks=removes card(s)
•kings=double card(s)
•jokers/queens=unnecessary. not needed. confusing and self destructive.
•go in numerical order, keeping suit may break this rule. bigger to smaller, smaller to bigger otherwise
•use jacks throughout game
•only use kings on them to make them go above 26
•use kings wisely on yourself they may stack a king on yours to fuck you up
•if they stacked a king on your stuff remove it with a jack whenever throughout game. avoid discarding the entire stack completely
•no numbers or kings/jacks to play on your own stacks in your hand? stack jacks/kings on their stuff instead
•try not to discard stacks OR cards from your hand you won't be able to use them for that specific game after you discard
•buying cards takes place in the main menu of certain vendor's shops, nowhere else. not aid/apparel/weapons/misc. only main.
•no-bark in novac: high better
•ambassador at ncr embassy on strip: even higher better
•more cards in your caravan deck the better, if you run out of cards to play you will automatically forfeit your caps.
•10, 9, 7 method=recommended not required
•5s with 2 kings then 6 method=not exactly recommended so tread lightly
if you have any questions or other helpful tips to add to the list, let me know!! i havent lost once. all of this stuff once i figured it all out helped me SO much and now I'm so obsessed with playing caravan i drain everyone's caps and it is a thrill i can't get over. now i know why some people actually gamble. its.. addictive.
good luck and god speed couriers!
EDIT: it somehow got cluttered when i posted so i fixed it.

Hello, fellow credit card enthusiasts!
I am pre approved for SBI BPCL card and SBI BPCL Octane card. Before I confirm which one I should get (or none at all), I am writing down my understanding so far in hopes of getting clarity/correction if I’m mistaken.
SBI BPCL card - 4.25% rewards on fuel spends. Annual fee of 500+GST, waived off at 50k spends. First year annual fee payment rewarded with points equivalent of Rs 500.
SBI BPCL Octane card - 7% rewards on fuel spends Annual fee of 1500+GST, waived off at 2L spends. First year annual fee payment rewarded with points equivalent of Rs 1500. + Lounge access
Relevant Information - My fuel spends are roughly 4-5k / month.
I am from Mumbai and travel frequently towards Thane.
QUESTION -

1. Is it worth it?
   
2. Are there pumps in Mumbai/Thane that redeem the reward points for you?
   
3. How long does the process take? (I would assume it should be as simple as deducting my RP from my total amount when swiping the card, like Amazon Pay used to do (RIP) )
   
4. I want to go for Octane but I have other cards that I use much more often, Tata NEU off late. So I don’t think I’ll ever reach 2L spends on the card. Is it advisable to go for Octane in this case?
   

I have had quite the history with my faith, and I feel drawn to orthodoxy, but I need some answers and resources.
First of all, I live in such a rural area where there is NO access to orthodox churches. I do not live in America, and I have NO influence of religion or any religious leaders or family. I really need help.
I felt a pull to Christ all my life and at 14, I asked to be saved. I was so scared and I felt as though He was coming and I would be left behind, from then on it has been trials but every single time He has called me back to Him. Every time I fell, He lifted me up and set me beside Him.
I became a messianic Jew within the 2 years of my conversion, utterly confused of how I should believe or who I should believe concerning faith. I felt like it was what I should be as I come from Jewish heritage, I do remember Kabbalah from when I was younger, and I was scared God wanted me to comply with the Torah. However, after many debates and research, I found myself wrong. (Not to say Messianics are wrong, just those who say all must be Torah compliant).
I left it completely, which was the biggest relief of my life. I felt like I was going to hell everyday for every mistake, it’s impossible to keep the Torah perfectly. Then, for years I have been a protestant. I knew nothing of orthodoxy and I knew more about Catholicism.
I had someone try to convert me to catholicism constantly, I tried, but something was missing in it. Just something felt off. I don’t know how to explain it.
I thought orthodoxy was the same as Catholicism, but I was introduced to it via TikTok. I heard a bishop speak and when he did, I felt like he was in communion with Christ. I felt drawn to him, because I felt like Christ was near Him too. I don’t know if it’s because I have no religion around me, but I feel alone in protestantism, I feel like there’s something missing.
I have a few questions about orthodoxy if anyone can answer because I really need help and I am very much hoping someone will take the time to help me.

1. Why do you reject the Filioque? What saints/fathers do you reference on why? do you have any readings?
   
2. How do you understand Theosis and where do you reference it in Scripture? How are we saved? Are babies saved?
   
3. Why are there different Orthodox Churches? Such as the Russian, Coptic, Or Eastern, or are they all the same? How do I know mine?
   

I am sorry this is so long, I just have had a very interesting experience that has propelled me into searching for the Truth. Please help