Example of autobiograhies

TLDR: After a life of feeling quite normal, a heartbreak led to me writing an extremely long obsessive letter to a girl, which led to a lot of self reflection. I am now noticing that my behavior falls in line with various mental disorders, but I'm not sure what. NO SELF HARM, NOT SUICIDAL
To be clear, I'm not expecting a self diagnose or magical Redditor to give me all the answers. But I'm very confused and quite disturbed right now, been taking personality tests and browsing personality disorder meme forums, and relating to a lot of memes from various subreddits, but never to a 100% level on anything. I've always considered myself very mentally stable (and never suicidal or self harming), but I'm seriously considering seeking professional help. I have no one in my life can talk to about my personal problems.
So basically I've always been a bit abnormal in some way or another, but never been able to acertain exactly what the problem is. In fact, I never thought I had any "problems". I fiercely denied the idea that I has any sort of "disorder, disability, or mental illness". Got diagnosed borderline autistic (specifically aspergers) as a teenager, told myself the doc were simply giving me that because she was friends with my mom (who was actually a teacher for special ed kids at school) who only wanted me diagnosed with something to belittle me for.
About me:

Was in foster care (switched between 5 families) until I was adopted at 13 I'm 24(M) now Divorced (8 month marriage, dated 4 month, I asked for divorce because she was "incompetent as a human being" as I summarize it) Dropped out of college due to procrastinating checking emails (was trying to be a pilot, and it's still my llife goal) Lived in my car for 4 months (best time of my life, total freedom) Joined the Army as a drone operator 4 years ago for a 6 year contract, it's made me depressed for many reasons, primarily because I hate it here and I can't leave (and no, I've never seen combat). I incurred a seriousy debilitating muscle imbalance while in in the Army (doing physical therapy for it right now) due to what I now believe was a form of 'body dysphoria' (was self concious about my posture, started comparing myself to other more fit soldiers while simultaneously trying to become ambidextrous, and essentially screwed up the right side of my body)

But here's what brought my situation to it's current state: a heartbreak of the most ridiculous kind. The Army took me to Poland for 9 months and I took a trip to Prague, Czech Republic. I met a local girl there and she was very interested in me. But I had to leave the next day, so I came back a month later and spent 3 days with her. She said she wasn't interested in romance anymore, but that we would be friends. But I was obsessed with her, and I desperately clung to the fantasy that we could start a relationship when I got out of the Army.
We texted for 8 months before she finally said she never even wanted to be friends, she was only still texting me because she felt bad about ghosting me, she even felt bad that she let me see her for those 3 days. She said she was trying to give me "hints" that she wasn't interested the whole time. The thing is, I saw the hints. I stressed so hard about what our situation really was, but made every excuse to continue hanging on to the slim chance that she liked me even just a little. But every time she texted, she was seemingly enthusiastic and friendly, even dismissed my worries when I asked her directly. At least until the very end. The heartbreak (3 months ago) was extremely hard, but what hurt most was that she didn't even want to be friends. But still, romance of the purest kind is what I dreamed of every day.
Since then, I've been out of my mind. Over the last 3 months, I've written a 190,000 word book (330 pages) titled "Analysis of My Time With [Her Name]: The Complete Narrative Perspective of [My Name]". I wrote compulsively at first, 10+ hours a day for a month straight, disregarding responsibilities (all but hygiene and eating). The compulsion has died down now, but I still write/edit every day until it's finished, at which point I will send it to her. It's extremely detail oriented, highly organized (sorted by 8 chapters and over 150 sub chapters, including a table of contents, many referals to others sections). It talks about literary everything relevant to her I can possibly think of (even including a mini-autobiograhy for context on "who I am"). I even made a spreadsheet summarizing our texts, and another 50 pages of my interpretation of lyrics to 200 songs of a curated heartbreak playlists I made.
It's not an angry letter, and it originally wasn't intended as love letter either, I avoided even so much as implying that I wanted her reconsider her opinion of me. But 2 months later as the pain of heartbreak subsided, I realized I realized I still want her desperately, so I added my "argument" for why she should give me a real chance when I'm out of the Army. There's details in there that surely make me look bad (open hosesty in a core theme), and I honestly don't expect her to take me back in any capacity. Hell, she probably won't even read it (although I'm sending a Czech translation copy for good measure). I know it's obsessive and absurd, probably to the point of being downright creepy. But I have to let her know everything I think and feel.
Anyway, what brings me here today is that writing this letter has been a coping mechanism of sorts to help me sort out my confusion. It's been a period of deep self-reflection. I recently began writing a section about my possible autism. In doing so, I started browsing aspiememes to understand what other aspies say about their condition. That led to me viewing the ADHD memes sub, where I found myself relating to the memes with greater frequency. And so on to the Anxiety, Depression, Bi-Polar, BPD, NPD, OCD, CPTSD etc. meme pages (even started taking online personality tests). In all of them, I related to a lot of memes (to various degrees), but never enough to fully say I certainly have one thing or another. And never to the extreme in any of them; It's like I have a mild form of everything.
But they also appear to have a lot of overlap. And the last thing I want to do is give myself a goddamm resume of mental conditions, or be someone who centers their personality around these things, or has to focus their whole life on managing it. It's an extremely hard realization I'm coming to and I don't like it. But at the same time, I feel like I'm tired of denying that I'm unwell. Maybe I want to embrace "the crazy in me" that I've repressed my whole life for the sake of social conformity. Maybe it'll get me a medical discharge from the Army. Maybe medications (or other form of treatment) will help me succeed in life. I don't know.
I'm not feeling like I'm a danger to myself or others, and Army Behavioral Health resources are just a hop, skip, and a jump away, I will likely seek it out soon. But I've noticed myself becoming more impulsive than usual, and I feel I'm becoming a bit unhinged. For example, I got in trouble last month for free climbing a 40ft rock cliff during a field event (I scaled it without incident, and starting going to a rock climbing gym afterwards). And bought a new VW Golf GTI last month, and I've always enjoyed reckless driving (once crashed a car trying to rally it, passengers frequently say they fear for their life, regardless I consider myself a good driver).
Anyway, just wanted to see what random interest strangers have to say about any of this.