Leaving a cancer man

My roommates mum is dying of cancer right now and they’re handling their emotions about one of the most difficult situations in their life better than I am about stupid little things that I’m splitting on and they got to leave work early for obvious reasons yet I feel jealous and horrible because I’ve been crying at my desk all morning and I’m not allowed to leave. This is obviously fair and valid and I know this but it’s making me feel even worse like I’m just a stupid bratty child who needs to make things about themselves. I haven’t expressed how I’m feeling to anyone but my boyfriend because I’m genuinely not trying to be toxic to anyone but this is fucking killing me I feel selfish toxic and horrible

I (M42) and my spouse (F40)
I just had the shock of my life, and possibly the most dramatic upheaval imaginable. I'm scared, concerned and i wonder if anyone else has a similar experience. This is concerning my soon to be ex-wife. Not an easy read or even to type, but strap yourselves in. We were married for 13 years, had known each other for 23. She was a child that grew up in a war in her home country, and was effected by it more than she let on. During the last 4 years of our relationship, she started developing incredible anxiety and depression. She would become like an exposed nerve, and every perceived slight became something she would ruminate on for days at a time. We had some events in our marriage that were incredibly stressful. Our son was born prematurely, our daughter when she was born was also traumatic. She was always highly strung when i knew her. i was very much the calming influence to her and it was a role that developed in our dynamic. i would be her rock and safe place. Things started to change, and dramatically so. I travel with work and she would look after the kids. i would be home large parts of the year, but i would have to go away sometimes for 4 weeks at a time. When covid hit, we were both home for a better part of 18 months, and i started to notice things that concerned me. She began to become incredibly paranoid about neighbours. She was certain they were spyi ng on us somehow (even though they were 80, and not at all interested in us). This spiraled from the neighbours commenting on the length of our grass. It effected her, and she became fixated. Any new neighbours she instantly distrusted, and she believed they all spoke badly of her.none of it was true, but in her state of hypervigilance, she was misinterpreting signs. A strange look, or half glance was enough to make her feel unsafe and scared. This slowly devolved into her being fearful of being spied on in the shower, people who walked dogs the same time each morning past our house were doing it to spy on us, etc. I could see it was draining her, and making her very ill with stress so we discussed maybe going to therapy, which she did. During the years we were together, she had been on various anti-depressants to cope with depression. I always chalked it down to post natal depression and the stress being a mother brought to her, especially when i went away. She attended therapy, but would stop when it became uncomfortable. She then opened up to me one day regarding it. It turns out that she was molested as a child by a family friend, and had buried it. that coupled with seeing her childhood friend die from an explosion (which i knew about) had effected her more than we knew. The therapy seemed to make it worse, and since that point things took a massive nose dive. She was an incredibly bubbly, happy and cheerful person to everyone. or so i thought. She would sometimes drop the mask at home, and i could see the turmoil developing. I hate to admit it, but i was blind to it for many years. she had masked it from the very beginning. Her paranoia got worse and worse. she came off of her antidepressants and started using weed vape pens to be able to cope with the incredible anxiety. I watched her drift apart from me over the last two years, her kindness towards me vanishing and almost a resentment towards me. She would complain about the new house we had bought and that she hated it because of the neighbours. We discussed moving, but she realised in her more lucid times that the issue would follow her whereever she went. The last year together she would speak about moving to another country. I said i would, but after my parents, who are old, passed. i didn't want them to not see our children in their final years. We had grown apart, she had this strange push-pull dynamic with me. One day she'd love me and be this caring person, the next cold and distant. I tried incredibly hard to pull us back together whilst dealing with her delusions of paranoia that were still ongoing, but the more i tried (and at some points i was quite combative and forceful) to get her to communicate, the more she pulled away. There was hardly any intimacy, which i yearned for and would comment on. She would initiate it sometimes, but for me, i'm ashamed to say, i complained about it a lot. She would have sex with me on occasion, and then if we argued later say "i didn't really want sex, it was like rape". This hurt me to my core, and made me bitter about how we were. The arguments became worse and worse. She started resenting me for trapping her. That was her reality. i had trapped her in the relationship. It wasn't true, but she was upset i travelled with work and could escape when she couldn't. It was never escape for me, i travelled because i had to. Her and the kids were all i wanted to be with. Travel to me was a chore.
Slowly she withdrew more. The more i tried to help and talk, the more she withdrew. All the time she was still paranoid, and now believed the neighbours were spying on her with cameras in the garden. the "cameras" were garden lights.
After three years of constant paranoia and her anxiety, it was starting to effect me. We couldn't go out in the area as she hated the neighbours. Yet to their faces she was bubbly and happy, smiley and almost overly kind. Yet when we were alone, the mask would slip and all her thoughts about them would spill out. Our social life started to be affected,
Anything i said was misunderstood or taken in such a way that i was insulting her. If i said she was silly for thinking in a certain way, i was calling her stupid. Anytime i tried to logic something out with her regarding the neighbours (for example she believed they were watching her shower) it was dismissed. I actually showered and told her to ask if she could see me from the garden. She was confused when she saw she couldn't.
The delusions became worse, and she became more and more paranoid. The textured glass in the bathroom was the wrong way around in her eyes, so people could see in. The motion activated light at the bottom of the garden was a camera, for sure. things like this.She withdrew more and more. I had to go away on a work trip, and the day before i left she asked for a divorce. I was hurt, but said "we can talk about it when i get home" when i arrived at the destination i was working across the world, i messaged her. No response. I tried multiple times until eventually i got a text "The kids will be taken away from me, and i will be sent back to my home country" I rang my father who lived very close to us to find out what was happening.
She had asked him to take her to the police station. She said to report the neighbours for spying, which she did try to do. they obviously didn't listen. She was taken to hospital by my father as she was having a mental breakdown and behaving strangely. I told my boss i had to fly home as something was happening. he booked me the earliest flight and i flew back. I was arrested from the plane. She had accused me of Rape, Control and coercion and ABH. Things i would never do. I was arrested, questioned and told not to go back to my home or to contact her. In one day i lost everything. I was in shock and was an emotional wreck. Worst of all i was concerned and scared for my wife and kids. She blamed me for her emotional state. said i had caused everything and had abused her constantly for years. After a week of staying at my friends house, social services got involved as the kids were missing school. It turns out she was taking the kids to hotels because she was terrified of staying at home. The kids told me later that "mummy thinks men are after her" instead of telling any authorities this, she said it was because she was scared of me. Social services believed everything she said. I was under investigation for the allegations, although not charged. The investigations were ongoing for three months, and in that time i wasn't allowed to contact her at all. Unfortunately in my fear i contacted her repeatedly. She had me arrested for harassment, and i was charged and convicted. I wasn't ever abusive in the texts, but i did contact her a lot.
I secured access to my children through a rushed family court order. I also placed a block on her leaving the country without seeking my permission with the children, as she had taken my passport details to apply for the kids passports without my knowledge. I did this due to her erratic behaviour and i knew she wasn't stable. My father thought i'd over-reacted, but my ex was so good at masking she hid how she really felt even to him. Oscar level masking.
Looking back i realise how bad it was. She ran from her home country at 18 and always ran. she always wanted to move jobs if something went wrong. She would cut off long term friends in an instant if she felt any pressure form them. Her first instinct would always be to flee anything. Any littlle insignificant thing or slight would become something she'd chew over for weeks, often applying the worst case scenario that would then become her reality. The truth was she was constantly afraid. I think at the end i became something she was afraid of too. My determination to keep us together and keep her from falling apart became too much for her. I wasn't always kind and was exasperated a lot. I was too demanding on someone that was exhausted, anxious and clearly unwell. Unfortunately i didn't realise this until too late. I still see the children, but have zero contact with her. She filed a restraining order due to the harassment conviction which i will adhere to. I'm currently going through family court again to secure further rights. She applied for full custody and has said some very terrible untruthful things at court to almost destroy me and remove me from her life. I'm a broken man because of it all, but staying strong for the kids.
I hope there will be some sort of resolution in the future, but i realise that she's scared of me now as she is scared of everything. She told me near the end that she trusts nobody. This broke my heart. The court on the last visit realised that something wasn't right. they have ordered a investigation into our family, and it will hopefully be reported in June when we go back to court. Her medical documents have been re-visited and statements taken. My father witnessed some very strange behaviour and has reported it. We just have to see what happens. She has requested to sell the property we lived in, and i'm slowly watching the life we built implode. She also has asked for the order that stipulates the need for permission to leave the country lifted. June will be the crunch time.

Like, I'm just done with people making it their whole personality that they're cis. Just because you decide to keep your d*ck doesn't make you a man, lmaoo! It's all because of the conservative agenda and politics being pushed into every single corner of media. They are trying to cis our kids and make them fit into society like total normies.
Cis men will never be men. That's just a delusion which they decide to follow because nowadays, psychologists cannot be trusted due to the agenda! If you want to go around identifying as a normie, I won't stop you. Just leave the kids outta this mess!!
Don't even get me started on how insensitive those coons are. They literally don't give a fuck if someone hate-crimes them. Like, if someone seriously calls you by your incorrect pronouns, you should be SCREAMING and SHOUTING at them like a not-normal person. Your mental illness that you decide to embrace so badly is literally preventing you from having basic human emotions. It's all because of those calculated conservatives! This country will get so much better once Biden is re-elected in 2032. We need to ban straight media so that no one else can get indoctrinated into the agenda. We need to make sure that the kids stay "trans" (I know that word is a slur, but I have to say it in this case) so that conservatism is erased entirely, and every US state becomes like Commie California!
All hail Karl Marx and the communist woke gender movement!!

TL;DR: I feel stuck and unsure how to proceed with a breakup after my terminally ill parent's situation gave me an intense desire to go out and 'live'.
After my parent's diagnosis, I have been rather emotionally numb. Recently however, I have suddenly been hit with the realisation of my mortality that life is short. I have been crying, having anxiety attacks. I feel old, I want to be like I was back in university, following my dreams. In order to follow my dreams this will take a substantial chunk out of time I have with my partner.
Myself and my partner do not live together still. We refuse to rent, we wish to buy, but he hasn't saved for it, and honestly neither have I. Maybe because I don't want to move in or am scared too.
The problem is he is extremely lovely. A great person, kind, gentle, understanding. If I am honest, a very good man because he was raised around mainly women. He says all the right things and works hard to repair any issues or conflicts we may have. He is very smart and thoughtful.
I don't want to regret losing this, especially a big supportive family that he has, but I don't know if I can be stuck, looking at the same 4 walls of his room every other weekend. We both have our own jobs, see each other once a week, don't text much at all outside of that. I worry that I love him a lot, but might not be in love with him because of this. We had a major break through last year where we almost broke up, but didn't.
He has changed his mind about having kids... or at least said it would be nice to. He sees his sister with her new baby and feels the pressure from his family and this frankly medieval (?) notion to continue his bloodline. But that is his option and I respect that. I see his sister and I feel the opposite - makes me want them less, especially since his sister is in this terrible marriage (not just my opinion, the whole family thinks so too). I see them and I want to run, fast. I don't want that. I don't want a commitment like that.
Having a partner is fine, there is an out, having a kid... has complications and you can never leave. It's permanent. Permanency freaks me out.
If I do part ways, once my partner dies I will essentially only have friends left. I don't have a close bond with external family and an only child.
I feel I am stuck in a time loop of when I was 21 with him but I am aging rapidly and not following my dreams. There are times I want to do certain things, but my partner is protective of me and doesn't wish for me to go alone. But I can't wait around for him to have the time either, especially since we have differing interests.
I've never been clubbing, never lived alone, never travelled outside the country alone... I have been holding back from doing things because I have always been tethered to someone. I've never had a 'single era' and I'm terrified of it.
Has anyone experienced this and can you tell me how you went about approaching this?

Does anybody else with autism feel suicidal when relationships end? I’m trying to work out whether my borderline personality disorder diagnosis was a misdiagnosis (I was diagnosed with bpd at 21 and autism at 23. I’m now 25) I didn’t have any particular traumatic event growing up so it would appear that it was a misdiagnosis, however I still feel like I relate to a lot of the symptoms of bpd, but im unsure whether those are just autistic traits or bpd? The more I read about how autism presents in women, the more I feel like they are such similar diagnoses I really can’t distinguish the difference between them. I attempted suicide when I was 20 twice, mainly because I was in love with a man who didn’t love me back. But also because I was terrified of leaving university as I had no idea what I was doing with my life and I was very burnt out. My therapist seems to think my bpd diagnosis was a misdiagnosis but I feel very conflicted and confused? I experience such intense emotional dysregulation, switching between loving someone and hating them, explosive anger, self harm, suicidal ideation. But I can’t tell if that’s autism or the bpd! Anyone got any ideas?

Hi all f59,m58 in a relationship 4 years Had post while back as homeless is reality Knowing you been a placemat for a while is heartbreaking and frankly just leaves one self wanting to just curl up and die just end pain and hurt and not again face that lonely road once again Facing having to regime animals cos my bad choices does my head in and the constant abuse is grinding All I do and say is shit My job shit My love stupid chickens shit I switch off cos these my loves and nobody else’s and to be frank I know it shows what horrible person he is There is no good in this man This I know and I’m starting to slowly get my affairs into order cos the once girl that had confidence and love life is gone and I haven’t the energy to find her again but to just say that out for someone to hear takes a tiny bit of my mind and small bandage over a gaping hole in one’s heart Never believe a persons words ,believe in their actions they tell you who they are

I made a post a couple days ago here and it got alot more interest than I thought it would get. I have other experinces I would like to share but they don't fit as nicely into a short story like the last one so I thought I would just share a few of the more interesting things I've been told directly and leave out the smaller details leading up to it and stuff like that.
So in one experince I was again in this black void like space just like my other post if you happened to read it. I was in this void and this being had me create this object using my mind. The object I made was like a 3d triangle that twisted like an infinity sign at the corners and had a certain design on it. The details of the object is not really important but I made it by just simply imagining it like you would create and manipulate something in your minds eye. What the being told me was one of the most profound things I've ever been told by NHI. It said "just how you made that object there is a more evolved being that has made you and everything you know in the same way".
So the next one is from negative NHI that actually showed me around there ship a little. I never got to see them directly but I have good reason to think they were reptilian or at least they made it clear they had some kind of association. Just a little backstory there ship was one of the most surreal things I've ever seen. There ship from what I could see was massive and looked like it was carved out of one giant slab of some kind of polished black stone. It was so eerie and beautiful at the same time. So I'm familiar with computers I used to work as a programmer and this being I'm sure knew this and I guess just decided to tell me all this. He showed me this monolith looking thing jutting out of the floor next to a shallow pool of water that he insinuated was some kind of computer. He turned my focus to it and told me how there are some "high ranking officers" (as in US military) that they allow to roam freely on there ship. He told me how one of these military officers attempted to steal there operating system. He told me that there operating system has the ability to send a signal back to there ship if it is reproduced on another machine. Then he gave me a vision of a human sized rat scurrying though a dirty room and then of the rat being killed by a man with a knife(the man was an annunaki and I don't really know what to make of it) insinuating that that's what they did to the officer. There is more to that one but that was the most interesting part. I was also told "we don't want to kill you we want to enslave you" in this almost giddy tone while being showed there preffered future for humanity. It was bumper to bumper traffic everywhere and big families in little apartments lol He was serious but there was asense of humor to it.
To leave off with something positive when I was a kid I was raised christain so all I knew was christianity and that aliens were real because of my experinces. So I was visited by very small benevelont greys not the normal kind at all and a being made of light. Long story short at one point I asked one of the greys if I would go to heaven because I was terrified of going to hell at the time. It kind of snickered not in a mean way but like it had to think how to answer this loaded and ignorant question. It said "everybody returns to heaven" . Btw it was not endorsing christianity but it was more like acknowledgment that there was something to the idea of heaven and everybody returns at least eventually.
Out of everything that's probably the top three most interesting things I've been told personally not including my other post.

The dungeon master described the party stepping through the wizard's portal into the plane of Elemental Chaos. "Before you lies a tempestuous sea of ever-changing terrain and clashing elements. The portal has opened onto a planetoid floating in the sea of shifting energies. Standing a ways away is a giant humanoid figure that seems to be made out of some of the same energies."
"Giant?" Sara asked?
"Yeah, it's like fifty feet tall. Looking upon its face makes your gut wrench as its face is a pool of ever-churning distorted energies. Make a save versus fear."
The players snatched up dice bags. Twenty-sided dice were rolled all around the table, but Mary, sitting to the right of Sara, noticed that Sara hesitated.
"What did you call these things again?" Sara asked. "Primordials? I didn't really imagine that they'd be so ugly or terrifying... or big."
"Oh, fine," the dungeon master responded. "Ambriel the rogue can have advantage on this check. What is your roll?"
Sara picked up an extra dice, tossed them into the bowl on the table and squinted at them in the dim light of the basement. "I got an eight." she said, frowning.
"Sorry, Ambriel and anyone else that got below a ten is afraid of the figure and will be at a disadvantage for initiative. The figure lets out a scream that sounds like an avalanche in a hurricane. Roll initiative!"
"Nineteen!" the boy across the table said. "Fifteen!" said another after rolling some dice. "I have a plus two, and I only got a twelve." said Mary.
"What about you Sara?" the dungeon master asked.
"Um, I don't want to fight it. Can I try talking to it?"
"I guess so," said the dungeon master, frowning. "What will you try saying to it?
"Well first," Sara started, "Is it at its house?"
The dungeon master and the boys across the table erupted into laughter. The dungeon master managed to stop laughing and reply. "These things don't have houses. They just live outside in the chaos."
"Oh." Sara looked disappointed. "I thought they would have houses." and then quieter. "Maybe a family."
The dungeon master laughed again. "What are you going to say to it?"
"I guess I'll say: 'Greetings friend! Do you know which way it is to the Dark Wizard Malik's tower?'"
The dungeon master laughed yet again. "It doesn't seem to understand what you're saying. It screams again and then attacks. Do you have your initiative number yet?"
Mary had been glaring at the dungeon master. He finally noticed her expression and slouched down, a sheepish look crossing his face as if he knew he was going to be in trouble.
Sara frowned, rolled her dice, and then stated "Six."
The party proceeded to fight with the primordial and Sara participated but wasn't really enjoying the situation. After the beast fell the party raced to loot its corpse.
"What did we find?" the boy across the table asked eagerly.
"Nothing, of course!" the dungeon master announced with some glee in his voice. "The primordial's body has evaporated and merged with the endless chaos around you."
"Well that's at least one thing you got right." Sara said.
"What do you mean?" Mary asked.
"Oh, forget it." Sara responded.
The end of the combat signaled the end of the evening since it was already past eight. The friends scooped dice and character sheets back into their bags, cleaned up the snacks, and said their goodbyes for the evening. Sara walked up the stairs and into the front yard with the other two boys. Chris's mom was there to pick up him and Tyler. She waved at them as they drove away and then started toward her own house just down the street.
The walk was only five minutes, if she took her time, and she had walked this street a hundred times before. She was enjoying the breeze and the crisp night air and didn't notice when the footsteps behind her started. When she noticed them she'd picked up her pace but they grew uncomfortably close. Sara spun around and was faced with a figure in the shadows behind her. It was only a few feet away but she couldn't make out a face.
"What do you want?" She asked the shadow. It did not respond. It did, however, step forward into the glow of the nearby street light. Still, its form appeared like a pitch black hole in the world; a torn place in space the shape and size of a man. The shadow reached toward Sara and she knew that this was an undead being. It had been hoping it could claim the life force of a human this evening; to pull her into the shadow realm and keep her there till she had faded away and become another shadow. Unfortunately for the shadow, she was not a victim that could be claimed so easily.
Sara dropped her book back and grabbed the shadow's arm, glancing down the street to make sure it was clear. Then she released her human disguise and pulled the shadow closer. She stared into the colorless void where its eyes should have been and the shadow stared back into the ever-changing distortion that her face had become. Lightning arced across Sara's skin that now appeared to be made of a roiling mass of stone and waves of pure water.
Sara's outline blurred and her humanoid form faded almost completely, leaving a cloud of elements ever fighting for position, yet she didn't let go of the shadow. The shadow was in a panic now, struggling and desperately trying to free itself from her grasp, to no avail. Sara pulled the shadow inside her cloud and it was ripped and torn by every element until it was gone in just a moment.
Sara concentrated for a moment and reached a human hand out of her cloud of chaos, and picked up her book bag. She formed an arm and shoulder to put the bag on, then a head and some feet and finally squeezed the last bit of her cloud into the shape of a green jacket. "Was she wearing a blue jacket before or a green one?" she asked herself. "I guess it doesn't really matter." she answered, and changed the jacket to blue.
***************************
Sara, Chris and Tyler walked up the stairs out of the basement, leaving Mary and the dungeon master still sitting at the table. The dungeon master was shuffling some papers, his mind racing with ideas for the next session. Mary stared at him, arms crossed and after a moment she finally spoke. "That was mean, Brian."
Brian looked up from his papers. "What?" he asked defensively with a worried look on his face.
"The primordial we met tonight in the game. That wasn't cool." She mocked an imitation of Brian: "It just lives outside in the chaos. Its sooooo ugly and scary." She crossed her arms again and stared daggers at him. Brian was silent and just looked down at his lap.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought we were supposed to act like we didn't know..."
"You know she's not going to keep playing with us if you keep being an asshole, right?"
Brian frowned and was quiet.
"Don't you like her playing with us?" Mary continued. "She's a way better rogue than Johnathan was. If she leaves and Johnathan finds out we have room at the table then we might have to let him join the party again. Is that what you want?"
Brian shuddered. "No. I do like her playing with us. She is a pretty awesome rogue." They sat in silence for a minute. "I'll make it better next week. I have some ideas."
"Good." Mary stood up and walked to the stairs. "We'd better not be fighting a changeling or a dragon next week." she said with a laugh.
The outside air was cool and crisp; the twilight had faded already and the streetlights were on. Chris and Tyler had left already; their mom always picked them up. Sara lived at the end of the street. Mary looked down the street toward Sara's house and near the other end of the street she saw Sara, almost home. Mary shivered as she watched as a shadow approached Sara. Mary then watched as Sara discorporated into a chaotic mass of lightning arcs and flame over a roiling mass of rocks and water. In another moment she had absorbed the shadow and it was gone. Those shadows gave her the creeps and she was glad another one was gone. Mary's parents had told her many times how they were lucky to have the Smiths living on their street. "Good girl." Mary whispered as she watched Sara pick up her book bag and put on her human disguise for the rest of her walk home. Mary walked back into the house.
***************************
Sara reached the end of the street, hopped up the porch stair to her front door and walked inside, locking the door behind her. Inside, her mother and father were lounging on the sofa watching a reality TV show together. Her dad waved a friendly tendril of water at her and turned his attention back to the show. Sara's mom floated up and across the room, her pattern of fire and stone indicated concern.
"Is everything okay honey?"
"Well" Sara started slowly. "In tonight's game we finally met a primordial, but the party just killed it. The dungeon master thought it looked scary." Sara dismissed her human disguise, released a small puff of smoke and slouched a bit. "Are they ever going to accept us for who we are?"
Sara's mom wrapped her in a hug. "Your friends do like you dear. It doesn't matter that you don't look like they do."
"Yeah, I guess you're right mom. Thanks." She brightened up a bit, her waves of water crashing in a happy whirlpool. She started up the stairs to her room but halfway up she turned around and said "Oh yeah, I got another shadow on the way home." Her mom, who had already returned to the sofa, crashed a tiny avalanche of stone in approval and then returned to watching the show.

The dust from the search early in the week has found no place to settle on. Some aggrieved prisoners (likely the ones whose stuff were found and seized) made a very revealing and damning video about the prison and Authority. They told all in the video – how we're not fed, are extorted, have to pay to buy and fuel generators before we can use light, etc, concluding that they've made a merchandise out of us and we're the ones feeding them.
It went so viral that a national daily picked and published it and it has got the ranks of the correctional service running excited. The state comptroller has been to the yard three times this week alone after. He had a meeting with the key inmates here today and has informed us to get ready for another search. This time, they'd take our generators and cart away and burn our clothes, and would revert and enforce only the use of an official uniform for inmates. He said.
Imagine their hypocrisy! No denial of or addressing the issues raised in the video, but rather resorting to sublime threats. Not like they care to solve these problems, they're only concerned about people outside the four walls knowing what happens inside. That's why their only response would be to up and come seize all phones to rid us of cameras that can bring the searchlight on their crimes against us. Sinners! They deserve prison more than most in it.
On the parts of the inmates who recorded the video, I say it was stupid of them. Nothing good will come of it considering the country where we are. Rather they'd most certainly bring more hardships on us and make things more difficult. This is exactly the reason I'm always as careful as careful can be. One stupid post and I can cause problems for two thousand others. We don't want that.
Prison never settles is one of our sayings here. It's dramas upon dramas. One episode ends and another picks up from the very point where it dropped. The solution is to leave prison and its dramas. And this requires a good lawyer with the will to see you leave. Sadly, my attorney isn't such a lawyer. He seems to want me to remain or just doesn't care whether I leave or remain but just a swindler that goes about taking money from powerless inmates and doing nothing because he can…or thinks he can.
He did the same to an 84 year old man in my cell, also conspired with a complainant against his client, Ben, and got him a rip off of a settlement deal. And there will be others in this yard I don't know yet. God knows I'll make him pay when this is all over.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Church in prison seems like an alien concept now to me.
Goodnight Diary!

I will compare contracts by how much % of team salary cap player took in a year: a $10M player "eats more cap" when team salary cap is $100M than a $13M player on $200M team cap. All numbers are from overthecap.com
First some past contracts:
Player % of team salary cap in a year

1. P. Manning/Colts 20.5% in 2003, 17.2% in 2009, 16.1% in 2008
2. Mahomes 17.0% in 2022, 16.9% in 2023
3. R. Wilson 17.5% in 2021, 15.5% in 2020
4. E. Manning 16.9% in 2013, 15.4% in 2014
5. Cousins 16.7% in 2021, 15.1% in 2019
6. Brees 16.4% in 2015, 14% in 2013
7. Stafford 15.8% in 2019, 14.6% in 2018, 2013
8. Roethlisberger 15.3% in 2016, 14.2% in 2014
9. Rodgers 14.9% in 2019 & 2021
10. Flacco 15% in 2017, 14.7% in 2016
11. Ryan 15% in 2016, 14.6% in 2021
12. Rivers 14.9% in 2015, 12.7% in 2012
13. Suh 17% of 2014 Lions, 11.1% of 2017 Dolphins
14. Mario Williams 15.2% of 2011 Texans, 13.4% in 2015, 12.5% in 2014 Bills
15. Peppers 14.8% in 2009, 12.9% in 2007
16. P. Manning/Broncos 14.9% in 2012, 12.5% in 2013
17. Goff 14.3% of 2022 Lions, 14.1% of 2020 Rams
18. Fitzgerald 16% in 2011, 12% in 2012, other seasons 8-10%
19. Marino 14.5% in 1998, 13.1% in 1996
20. Aikman 14.2% in 1997, 13.2% in 1996
21. Palmer 14.0% of 2017 Cardinals, 12.7% of 2006 Bengals
22. Favre 14.1% in 2001, 12.4% in 2006
23. Brady 13.6% in 2006, 12.6% in 2008, 12.2% in 2020
24. Bradford 13.3% in 2014, 12.9% in 2012
25. Prescott 14.4% in 2020, 11.7% in 2023
26. Donald 13.4% in 2022, 12.2% in 2020
27. Steve Young 13.1 % in 1994, 12.2% in 1996
28. Elway 13% in 1994, 12% in 1995, 5% in 1997,1998
29. Calvin Johnson 14.3% in 2015, 11.6% in 2011, other years 7-9%
30. Wentz 13.2% of 2022 Commanders, 11.2% of 2021 Colts
31. Von Miller 12.9% in 2019, 12.0% in 2020
32. Cam Newton 12.7% in 2016, 12.1% in 2019
33. T. J. Watt 12.8% in 2023, 11.8% in 2024
34. Khalil Mack 12.5% of 2020 Bears, 9.7% of 2024 Chargers
35. Charles Woodson 12.3% in 2005, 10.9% in 2004 Raiders, 9% of Packers
36. Trent Williams 11.6% of 2012 Redskins, 10.6% of 2024 49ers
37. Moss/Vikings 11% in 2004, 10.5% in 2003, was cheap on Patriots
38. Romo 13% in 2016, other seasons 8-10%
39. Revis 12% of 2013 Bucs, 10.8% of 2016 Jets
40. Tunsil 11.5% in 2023, 10% in 2024
41. Warner 11.7% of 2003 Rams, 9.3% of 2009 Cardinals
42. Tyreek Hill 12.2% of 2024 Dolphins, 8.4% of 2021 Chiefs
43. Adrian Peterson 10.3%-10.7% in 2011-2015
44. Marvin Harrison 10% in 2003, 2004, 2008
45. Ray Lewis 10% in 2003, 2005
46. Mike Evans 10.4% in 2023, 9.4% in 2018
47. J.J. Watt 8-9% in 4 seasons
48. Travis Kelce 7.8% in 2024, 6.7% in 2023
49. Jerry Rice 7.3% in 2000, 6.1% in 1999
50. Gonzalez 7% of 2011 Falcons, 6% of Chiefs
51. DeMarcus Ware 6-7% of Cowboys, Broncos
52. Gronkowski 6% in only 2 Patriots' seasons
53. Zack Martin 5-6%
54. Antonio Gates 5-6%
55. Jason Kelce 3-4%

These are contracts that i could find over 10% of cap space + some HOFers at other positions for comparison. Mario Williams probably got the worst, most expensive contracts compared to his production. T. J. Watt costs a lot more than his older brother. MVP RBs Faulk, Tomlinson, E. Smith were 5-9%. DBs such as Polamalu, Reed,... were always in 5-8% range, it's probably like that at all positions except for QBs.
These expensive contracts worked very well for Colts (Manning), Chiefs (Mahomes), Packers (Rodgers), Steelers (Roethlisberger, Watt), Broncos (Manning), Patriots (Brady), 49ers (Young, Williams), Vikings (Peterson), otherwise there are a lot of seasons around .500 record or losing in wild card as a low seed. Rarely was a contract of 13+ % of cap good. Flacco's contract sank Ravens, Eli's Giants etc.
Now current contracts:
Player % of team salary cap taken, projections

1. Watson 22% in 2024, 24.6% in 2025
2. Stafford 19.3% in 2024, 19.4% in 2025
3. K. Murray 18.2% in 2024, 18.8% in 2026
4. D. Jones 18.4% in 2024 + dead cap in 2025
5. Cousins 20.2% in 2026, 15.4% in 2025
6. Mahomes 14.7% in 2024, 25.5% in 2025 (can easily be lowered)
7. L. Jackson 16.8% in 2025, 26.3% in 2026
8. Allen 16.6% in 2025, 22.5% in 2026
9. Carr 19.8% in 2025
10. Burrow 17.8% in 2025, 17% in 2026
11. Herbert 14.4% in 2025, 16.3% in 2026
12. Goff 12.5% in 2025, 24.5% in 2026

What will happen with Precott's contract is unclear, currently he has last year in 2024 for 21.2% of cap.
Future salary cap may be higher than expected, so some projection of 22% in 2026, may end up being 20%. All these starter contracts are taking significantly more cap than old contracts of HOFers and starters listed above.
Teams are adding void years, to artificially lower cap numbers of such contracts, creating "dead cap" at the end of contract. Saints and Eagles are masters of this.
List of recent "dead cap" after contracts for players that weren't on team anymore:
Player % of team salary cap was dead

1. "dead Wilson" 20.8% of Broncos in 2024, 11.7% in 2025
2. "dead Ryan" 19.2% of 2022 Falcons, 8% of 2023 Colts
3. "dead Brady" 15.5% of 2023 Bucs
4. "dead Flacco" 8.5% of 2019 Ravens, 6.5% of 2020 Broncos
5. "dead Goff" 13.5% of 2021 Rams
6. "dead P. Manning" 13.3% of 2012 Colts
7. "dead Wilson" 12.5% of 2022 Seahawks
8. "dead Romo" 6.4% of 2017 Cowboys and 5% in 2018
9. "dead Brees" 6.1% of Saints in 2021, 5.3% in 2022
10. "dead Cousins" 11% of 2024 Vikings
11. "dead Stafford" 10.4% of 2021 Lions
12. "dead Palmer" 7.6% of 2013 Raiders

So teams are nowadays willing to have as large dead caps as any HOFers (except P. Manning on Colts) were taking on active contracts. Such huge dead caps are accumulating on contracts of Hurts, Prescott,... all because they have expensive contracts, teams are manipulating the cap, creating "dead cap".
Hopefully this can show how overpaid current QBs are: they take more cap % than in any previous era+leave "dead cap". This 15-20% of cap given to QB only works for MVP-level of play, carrying the offense year after year. There are 2-3 such players.

Two books, one premise: A princess prepares to take the throne in her own right as the first female ruler in a deeply patriarchal world.
It’s been done before. So so many times. But this time, I feel like it’s going to be done right.
The other book (which I’ll leave unnamed and I’ve complained about before) has the princess returning from a foreign court where she laments that all the other ladies lacked political ambition, enjoyed traditional feminine pursuits, and she’s the only woman ever to dare try and change things. Everyone is going to be against her. I DNF’d on the spot.
Reign & Ruin excerpts:
“Though she shared her father’s gift, and affinity, for plans and schemes, she could not treat the Council as he had. She was not a man, not a prince, whose temper would be seen as strength or whose unusual methods might be seen as visionary instead of disruptive. Neither was she a princess the way they believed she should be. They believed her indulged, spoiled, given too much freedom. Because she was also her mother’s daughter, a lowborn woman who had made her way to the top tiers of the University on her wits and tenacity alone. In so doing, Naime’s mother had attracted the notice of the most powerful man in Tamar.”.
“Today is a momentous day,” her father said, and a familiar spark of mischief lit his eyes, one that hinted he was about to announce something he knew would displease the Council. It was the same look he had worn when he watched her and her mother plot Naime’s rise to the Sultan’s seat. “
Both books acknowledged the struggles a princess would have holding the throne on her own which is historically accurate. But what I love about Reign & Ruin is that Princess Naime has female support. She acknowledges her mother’s abilities, ambitions, and support. (Bonus that the dad is also on her team.) I love women supporting women and acknowledging the trailblazers. I’ve read several other similar stories of women breakthrough’s (both fictional and real) and the well-written fictional ones always have a support system (as in real life). You need the cheerleaders, you need the role models. And it’s so refreshing to read a book that acknowledges it.
Just needed to get this out because the other book literally threw me into reading slump because I was so excited for the premise. It didn’t help that I started and DNF’d 3 series after. I finally have a book I’m excited to read so it may be several hours before I pop my head back out. 😁
Also because I did flair as discussion, what two books had similar premises but one was a hit and the other was a miss?

I’m a 25 year old trans woman dating a 26 year old biological/cis/whatever you wanna call it: man, long story short he keeps cheating or trying to at least. The relationship is absolutely amazing in quite literally every other aspect, I couldn’t ask for a better partner based off of that alone, but he keeps doing this. I love him so much and I don’t wanna leave but all I can think about is him cheating, I have bpd which I fight tooth and nail to regulate but it’s so hard. I’m at the end of my rope. How do I handle this? Am I better off alone?

So let's start where we are in real life tama Tonga vs randy Orton king of the ring semi final. Tama Tonga wins due to bloodline interference. After the match they beat down Orton he gets the john cena crown jewel treatment like 10 spikes. Then tama Tonga gets on the mic and gives his final spot to solo. King of the ring finals. Jey uso vs solo. Jey beat gunther after a distraction from vinci invades raw. Anyway whenever Jey uso looks like he is going to win bloodline interference. This leads to solo winning the king of the ring. Just as the bloodline are about to take him out. The usos theme fills the area and Jimmy uso runs out to help his brother. Jey just walks out no hug yet. Then on the next smackdown Jimmy uso challenges solo for a match at money in the bank. Solo accepts. Before money in the bank the bloodline line plan to injure Jimmy uso but randy Orton and Kevin owens save him and challenge tama Tonga and tanga loa to a tag match for money in the bank. The bloodline mange to beat Orton and owens after Jacob fatu debuts. And solo beats Jimmy uso and as randy and Kevin come out they get floored this brings out jet uso. The usos hug it out here. As the bloodline leave the rock comes out and announces that he is coming for Cody Rhodes. On the next smackdown we get a few big matches announced for Summerslam. Usos vs tama Tonga and tanga loa. Randy Orton and Kevin owens vs solo and Jacob fatu. The rock vs Cody Rhodes for the wwe title. The next few weeks are utter chaos just big time brawls each week rock is absent but helps the bloodline by banning people from the area. Also we want roman chants get louder. Anyway it's Summerslam. Tama Tonga and tanga loa lose to the usos after a brutal war. Solo and Jacob fatu beat randy Orton and Kevin owens. And then the main event bloodline rules Cody Rhodes vs the rock. All the interference but the rock gets on top and screams at Cody not old man going to save you this time. But then the crowd pops massively as rock turns into a spear from roman regins. This allows Cody to pin rock after three cross Rhodes to retain Summerslam ends with roman standing over rock.

A bit of info before I start, I am F(28) and my partner is M(39), we aren’t the same nationality and come from two different countries in Europe. We’ve been together for well over 4 years, are planning to get married and have kids. For the past year my partner has been incredibly ill which prevented him from working (he had a very well paying job), it has been very difficult for both of us. My moms side of the family never truly got to know my partner well as they do not speak English. Sorry for this being a long post, I’m not great at storytelling.
About a week ago, I’m visiting my grandparents along with my mother. Me and my mom are planning a trip to another country which we are very excited about so obviously the conversation starts there. My mom goes off about how great it’s going to be, what we’re going to do there and so on, when my grandma suddenly interrupts to say to me “oh and maybe you can meet a nice man when you’re there there.”
Me being obviously shocked by the comment as I already have a nice man, I say “I don’t need to find a nice man there, I already have a nice man.”
This is when she starts this big speech about everything that she believes to be wrong with my partner. Her main points were to say that he is ugly, sick and old. Me not knowing how to react I asked her if she’s serious - she was. She basically said that us not being married and not having kids made our relationship a failure. That because of my partners illness I “never leave the house” - which is not true. That I need to find myself someone better, who is not sick, because he is just bad.
At one point during her speech I decided that I am leaving, I could not take the belittling of my partner much longer, the only thing o said back to her is that I hope that if she is ever sick, people will stick around and not leave her because she’s a burden.
As soon as I walk out, my mom follows me trying to convince me to come back inside and we can all talk. At that point I’m in tears, trying to get an Uber back home. At one point my grandmother approached me, I honestly thought she’s came to apologize - nope! She tells me to stop it and get over it.
Since then I have been completely ignoring her. She sent a text message apologizing but I ignored it. In the text she said that she’s sorry but she just wants the best for me - to me that means that she still stands by what she said. She has made a few attempts to talk to me on the phone but each time I’ve ignored her.
My family believes I should accept that she’s “an older lady” and doesn’t know better so to let it go. I on the other hand have no clue what to do. I feel that even if I do forgive I cannot forget and it would be so Wierd to bring my partner around her at any family events. I told him the whole story and he also doesn’t really want to be around her any time soon and I can’t blame him. From what I have heard from my mother, my grandmother is now complaining that I’m not giving in and that I am making a big deal out of nothing.
So AITAH? What should I do?

About a month ago me and some of my friends went out for a night on the town. Over the course of the night I had at least 9 drinks, and I ended up running into one of my previous hookups, which is the last thing I remember. That is until I came to having sex with her, unprotected, which is something I never do. On top of this, she wouldn’t let me leave for about twenty minutes after I freaked out and told her this wasn’t okay. I just don’t know how to feel about this. Of course I have blacked out before, but this night it was almost like I just jumped through time about 45 minutes- so I think I might have browned out. Regardless, the minute I came too I felt a deep pit in my stomach, wanted to throw up, and sobered up immediately.
To make things worse, this woman attends the same university that I go to, and I often see her around. I’ve thought about going through title 9, but I’m afraid that they won’t take my case seriously as I’m a man. To make matters worse, I told my boys about this, and they all shared similar experiences with different woman, and said that it unfortunately just happens. So now I’m more confused.

What happened to me was fucking hot. I don't have much of a sex life outside of my marriage, but when I'm out of my home area, I log into grinddr and feeld to see what guys or couples are in the area.
Last Thursday, I was at the mall, which is more than 20km from home, and I started chatting with some guys, for a while, until I ended up chatting only with a young and versatile guy. First he sent me some photos of his penis, ass and body, and I sent him mine. Until then, everything was normal, but then, I gave him access to my private photos and he accessed mine. That's when I realized what a mistake I had made. He was a boy who lives near my house in the same street, with his parents, with whom we have exchanged a few words, and surely he would also know me and my family. I didn't know what to do, so I just wrote sorry F...(his name) and he replied Hello M.... (my name) I apologized to him, and asked him to forget this, to which he replied that now who had seen me was more interested in us meeting in person. I froze for a moment, because he is young, because he knows my wife, and because then I would be forced to see him almost always. But on the other hand, I thought about the photos that he had sent me and I liked that ass with little hair and that long, thin penis. In the end I told him to come home on Saturday morning since my wife has a class with activities for her and our baby.
I am 46, I was excited but afraid. He is 19 years old, he arrived that morning also a little nervous, it could be seen in his voice, I invited him in and then I told him we should go to a TV room, I asked him if he wanted something to drink and he was speechless. , I told him that I was nervous too, I took his hand and put it on my penis, over my pants. This was the key that unlocked everything, he began to rub me harder and his mouth kissed me, his tongue searched for mine and I let myself go. My mouth also kissed him and I liked how his tongue tangled with mine. My cock was already feeling his grip and it was already hard but rolled up under my pants. While we were kissing, I took out my cock and his. My cock was already erect, pointing towards him, colliding with his flaccid cock, I hugged him so that our bodies made complete contact and I kissed him. I felt his mouth on mine, our tongues together, I felt my hands on his buttocks, gripping them tightly, his hands on my buttocks, our breasts were in contact, our bellies, our penises, our feet... it was an incredible sensation. . Then I kneeled down and put his flaccid penis in my mouth. I licked it, sucked it, and jerked it off. His cock was getting big and hard but after a few inputs and outputs of my mouth he moaned and cumed up inside my mouth. He apologized, but I caressed his buttocks and I continued sucking his cock while I swallowed his cum until his cock stopped pulsing.
I stood in front of him and we kissed again. This sensation is very strange, I have kissed very few men and in general I have not felt anything. This young boy's mouth was different, it excited me. After kissing his lips, I guided him down with my hands until he was kneeling in front of me. He just looked at me, this made me get even harder. I grabbed his head with one hand, my cock with the other and brought it closer to his mouth, he opened it a little and part of my cock went in. Now both my hands were holding his head while the tip of my cock was in his mouth. Little by little I was sinking my cock deeper into his mouth, although part of it didn't fit. I fucked his mouth for a while and then I released his head and sat on the living room couch. He didn't waste any time, he walked on all fours towards me and continued sucking my cock.
After a while, I told him to lie down on the couch, I sucked his cock and balls again, but they were still flaccid, I raised one of his legs and then the other, and licked his ass, this one is clear and has little hair along her slit and around her ass hole, it was delicious, I licked it, I kissed it, I put my tongue in, then I put a finger in... My cock wanted it, it was very hard. I put on a condom and lube while I continued licking his ass hole.
I felt how his ass hole throbbed and opened with my tongue. I brought my cock closer to his ass hole and inserted the tip and a bit more. I felt how his anus tightened and imprisoned 1/4 of my cock inside. At this moment he told me "slowly, it hurts, it's the first time I've been fucked." "Calm down baby" I told him, I brought my face closer to his and kissed him while I let my cock out. I put the boy on his side and I behind him, I caressed him from behind and I put a lot of lubricant on his hole, until I felt that he relaxed and was opening to let my fingers enter with lubricant. I put the tip again at the entrance of his anus, and this time I went very slowly, millimeter by millimeter, I found no resistance, he moaned while my penis little by little was already more than half inside, then until his buttocks were completely leaning on my lap, with my entire penis inside her beautiful ass.
One of my hands held his hip while the other grabbed his head and leaned it towards me, to kiss him while he fucked him. I fucked him slowly at first and increased the intensity, I felt how his buttocks were hitting my legs, how the walls of his anus were squeezing my cock. I didn't last long, I cummed on her ass intensely, we stayed in that position for a while, until my penis came out, with the condom a little loose and hanging. I sat down and he settled down, staying next to me, lying facing me. I was captivated by the way he looked and his young body. His penis was still flaccid, I leaned over to caress it. He apologized for not having an erection and he told me that he was nervous, he also said that this was his first time being fucked by a man and that he had been incredible, that he had liked it a lot. At 46 years old, I had had the honor for the first time in my life of taking someone's virginity. While we were getting dressed, I told him that if he liked it, we could do it again another day. Before leaving the house, he came up and kissed me, with his tongue searching for mine, I opened the door and he left. Should I do it again? Until now this game with other men was just that, a game. This boy has something that attracts me. On the one hand he scares me and on the other hand he excites me should

Fuck you instagram, you sack of human waste, garbage people creating garbage product
I wish I can leave this shitty site, but all the people I love, friend and family are here, fuck I wish there was a better alternative, fuck zuck
I left facebook, but stuck with this shitty site
US govt should force meta to make instagram an independent company again, meta is THE cancer
Fuck the downvoting fucks here too

Salaam,
I (18) have been speaking to a guy (22) for 3 months. I would like to do nikkah so I do not fall into zina. However as I am still young I do not believe my father would agree to this, as he wishes for me to complete my education first.
Of course, I do understand that I am young and I haven’t known this guy for a long time to make a accurate judgement and yes, I also understand that I shouldn’t have spoken to him in the first place but what is done is done and I want to rectify my sin. I want to make this halal and do it right. I trust Allah and I believe the idea of marriage was planted into my head for a reason.
I also understand that it would be wise to consoled with my father first, but like I have said it would be extremely difficult for him to agree, I am the eldest child.
To be honest, even writing this I feel extreme stupidity. I shouldn’t have got myself in this situation in the first place and the most wise desision would be to leave him, and when my father is satfistfed with my amount of education then consider marriage. But, I know how I am and no amount of advice will allow me to stop talking to him, I think after a certain point you become attached to a person and even now if I wanted to leave him I could, but mentally I think it would be too much for me to bear. Which is why I am trying to find a way to rectify this situation, in a way that Allah will be pleased with me.
I’ve read about the Hanfi school of thaught. I don’t want to get a nikkah done and it not be valid because then it would still be zina.
For the nikkah, dosent the whole of society need to know that these two people have came together? I’m not sure, maybe the whole concept of a secret nikkah is wrong?
These days, it has been made so difficult for nikkah and there are so many expectations on the man. I read somewhere, if you do not have a lot you should still get married and Allah would give you more via blessings and barakah.
It’s not something I really want to do, I would rather have a wedding and invite everyone but with my current circumstances it would be too difficult to do, which is why I have started to consider this option.
Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
Jazakallah.

Salaam,
I (18) have been speaking to a guy (22) for 3 months. I would like to do nikkah so I do not fall into zina. However as I am still young I do not believe my father would agree to this, as he wishes for me to complete my education first.
Of course, I do understand that I am young and I haven’t known this guy for a long time to make a accurate judgement and yes, I also understand that I shouldn’t have spoken to him in the first place but what is done is done and I want to rectify my sin. I want to make this halal and do it right. I trust Allah and I believe the idea of marriage was planted into my head for a reason.
I also understand that it would be wise to consoled with my father first, but like I have said it would be extremely difficult for him to agree, I am the eldest child.
To be honest, even writing this I feel extreme stupidity. I shouldn’t have got myself in this situation in the first place and the most wise desision would be to leave him, and when my father is satfistfed with my amount of education then consider marriage. But, I know how I am and no amount of advice will allow me to stop talking to him, I think after a certain point you become attached to a person and even now if I wanted to leave him I could, but mentally I think it would be too much for me to bear. Which is why I am trying to find a way to rectify this situation, in a way that Allah will be pleased with me.
I’ve read about the Hanfi school of thaught. I don’t want to get a nikkah done and it not be valid because then it would still be zina.
For the nikkah, dosent the whole of society need to know that these two people have came together? I’m not sure, maybe the whole concept of a secret nikkah is wrong?
These days, it has been made so difficult for nikkah and there are so many expectations on the man. I read somewhere, if you do not have a lot you should still get married and Allah would give you more via blessings and barakah.
It’s not something I really want to do, I would rather have a wedding and invite everyone but with my current circumstances it would be too difficult to do, which is why I have started to consider this option.
Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
Jazakallah.

I (16M) found out that my dad (44M) has been having an affair with his step-sister and my family is devastated. My parents have been married for over 20 years, and I always looked up to my dad as a role model. But now, I’m unbelievably disappointed and disgusted.
When my mom and Grandmother(Dads mom) confronted my dad about the affair, he didn't even try to deny it and instead chose to leave our family home to be with his step-sister, claiming they were always meant to be together. He even went as far to introduced her to me and my younger siblings as if she wasn’t our literal aunt for the past 16 years!!! As his "new girlfriend," which was a punch in the stomach to all of us.
I was angry and humiliated and decided to just focus on supporting my mom and being there for my siblings, but I couldn't and will never condone his actions. I chose to stand by my mom and cut off contact with my dad and his girlfriend/step-siste my aunt. It was a difficult decision because I still do love my dad, but I couldn't bear to see my mom hurt and betrayed.
After a few months of no contact, my dad reached out to me and begged for a chance to make things right. He told me that he misses us and wants to work on rebuilding our relationship. He wants us to visit him and his new wife(his STEP SISTER OUR FREAKING AUNT) and stepkids/ my cousins to spend more time with me and my siblings.
But I can't and will absolutely not, what he did is absolutely disgraceful and not something you can just forgive. I told him he’s a fool to think I’d ever want to see him and he’s must be the stupidest man on earth to totally ignore the fact he cheated on mom to bang his sister! I blocked him but now he’s trying to take mom to court for custody, i don’t want mom to go through the embarrassment again,
So, Reddit, should I visit him to shut him up? Or am I justified in prioritizing my family's well-being and standing up against my dad's betrayal?

Well well well, isn’t this a tale. It is long, but it is really funny imo. Me (ftm14) and my friends (m14), (nb13) and (nb14) were hanging out in town. We’re gonna call them Paul, Printer, and Leaf. We got chips, we chatted, and we were enjoying a nice weather Sunday after a week of it being cold and raining (southern hemisphere).
Anyway, it’s around 3:30pm and we are playing in the playground because we are still techinically children and it’s a climbing frame, who wouldn’t want to climb it. When a "friend" of ours we hadn’t seen for two/three years (f13) we’ll call her Ginger, shows up at the park with two boys who look her age or younger, we’ll call them Green Shirt and Black Shirt. Ginger comes and says hi to us, acting all nice and friendly. We chat for a few minutes, then she goes on the swings with Green and Black shirt.
After about 15 minutes, my friends and I decide to go do something else because Paul had to go very soon, this is where the annoyance begins. As I’m getting off, Green Shirt comes up to me and asks if I’m a furry (in the derogatory way kids are asking that these days) of which I am not, I politely respond no. He then asks if I have a Fursuit — of which I don’t — and I politely respond no again. He keeps pestering me about it so I tell him to piss off and my friends and I walk to another part of the park to hang out.
Paul leaves to go home, and Leaf and Printer — who are both furries and therians or something, I’m not up on the lingo — decide to practice doing quads(running and jumping on all fours). I let them do their thing and scroll on my phone, until Green Shirt comes back. (Paraphrasing because we swear a lot) “Hey I have an interview!” He asks, “What do you want?” We respond. “What’s it like in the furry world?” He asks, in a derogatory way. Us: “What do you mean? We’re in the normal world” Him: *snickering* “oh my god I didn’t know animals could talk!”
We very impolitely tell him to go f*ck himself, and he goes back to spread gossip to Ginger and Black shirt. We notice as we walk off that Green Shirt has a scooter, he also looks like he’s nine. Oh, and he’s wearing a helmet. Of course safety is nice, but he looked so funny becuase he was wearing a motorbike helmet. On a scooter. The scooter wasn’t even electric, it was a normal scooter.
As we left the part to walk through the towns main street, he came up to us on his manual scooter with his motorbike helmet, calling us furries, calling our genders not real (we hadn’t even told him our gender) and other things like that before repeatedly going back to talk with Ginger and Black shirt. I commented to my friend that while he is mocking our gender, he looks like a child and I probably have more testosterone in my body than him (I’m still biologically female, he really did look like a child).
This was when my friends had an idea, they discussed it and I listened, but I didn’t think that green shirt was gonna come back. ..then, Green Shirt came back.
Green shirt: “you guys are furries!” My friends: (high pitched, annoying and patronizing) “OH MY GOSH YOURE SO SKIBIDI SIGMA! I LOVE YOUR HELMET POOKIE BEAR SAFETY FIRST LETS GO! SLAYYYY WE LOVE YOU OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE SO MUCH GYATT, YOURE SO SKIBIDI!!!”
His confidence shattered, but he didn’t just stop there, oh no no, he tried ignoring them first. I still wasn’t saying that to him, I was just laughing. He asked me, “what’s your gender?” I ignored his question, “what’s your gender?” I asked him back. He said in a less and less confident voice, “I’m a man!”. “How so?” I responded. He said smugly, “I have a pole”.
..I genuinely misheard him and thought he said he was the hulk, so I said “you’re the HULK?! I really don’t think so you’re arms are twigs,” Him, getting increasingly exasperated as my friends are still screaming that he is sigma; “NO! I said I have a pole!”. …I proceeded to gesture dramatically at a metal pole that was conveniently near where we were sitting, I was yelling “OH MY GOSH ITS YOUR POLE! NO WAY I GUESS THE POLE IS A MAN TOO! I GUESS ANYONE NEAR THE POLE IS A MAN! YOU HAVE A METAL POLE SO YOURE A MAN WELL DONE!!”
My friends joined in. It was chaos. He couldn’t think of anything to say, all of his insults were unoriginal from the beginning, but all he said to us as he went back was that we had mental issues, we were mentally r*tarded, and he called as f*cking furry c*nts in frustration. He went back down the hill, but then Ginger and Black Shirt came walking up with Green Shirt.
My friends proceeded to continue calling them skibidi sigmas, while I was there for the witty one liners I all of a sudden happened to have. Green shirt literally scooted on his scooter to the other side of the road to get away from us (we were just sitting on a bench), his motorbike helmet and metal pole and all.
Black shirt called us mentally r*tarded, while I yelled at Ginger; some context: Ginger and I had been friends since preschool, we drifted apart after like year 5, but we still texted sometimes until I went to high school. As Ginger and Black shirt crossed the road, I yelled; “Ginger, GINGER! I thought we were friends! Why are you being mean?!”
Ginger replied defensively, “I’m not doing anything!”. ..by this time you could tell all three of them were thinking /we/ were harassing /them/, green and black shirt looked legit terrified even from the other side of the road. They were also feeling embarrassed now, because we were yelling things to across the road in a busy street. My friends and I didn't care about public humiliation, they were in for it.
I yelled to ginger, “ginger! Ginger! GINGER!” I had her attention, “We’ve been friends since preschool! We’ve been friends since we were four!” I could see green and black shirt look at her almost disgusted, I continued, “WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR FRIENDS BE MEAN?! WEVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE WE WERE KIDS!” (Please note this all happened in about three minutes, so my friends are still yelling about them all having rizz and being pookie bears)
…they don’t respond. They just continue walking up the hill and I tell my friends we should walk back down near the park because I needed to start walking home.
As we walked down the hill — still quite shocked we had used our collective braincell to get back at a bully — we could hear Ginger, Green shirt and Black shirt arguing with each other, but they were too far away we could only guess what about.
It’s been an hour and I can’t stop smiling, I found this sub through The Click and I hope my story fits here.

You're gonna lurk this page let's be real so let's get acquainted. the back of you're mind wonders what those galaxies and roses really go towards but you send them anyway cause you see a needy boy. The thing is you don't see a needy boy, you see a thirty something year old man that one point had a family. You see a thirty something year old man with his second account because he gave tossing44 to a hacker. You see a thirty something year old man that abandoned his job for no real reason and masking it under the thin veil of "the adventure". You see a MAN who is an expert at making you feel sorry for him.
You see trolls such as myself in the chat yes, you've probably blocked me once or twice even but you see the trolls talk about the same thing and ask the same questions.. basic questions at that. Why did you leave the job in Edmonton? What happened to the camp job you talked about the entire way to Toronto? What happened to the music grants that supposedly sent him to Edmonton in the first place? Why are you walking okay sometimes but you're ribs hurt when you need money? Why did the original Supports that got him to Toronto leave him?
He just talked about how this subreddit is here to talk about his days in Vancouver, and I personally can not give a shit about it. Boohoo I did coke, Im more pissed about how you lie about saying you physically cant take drugs but lie about it like tonight. But take a step back and think why would he think that is the issue when the issue is multiple things? This subreddit doesn't ONLY post from the Vancouver days. The first Tik Tok I posted was from him in Saskatchewan.
Josh, ik you're reading this. the live tonight pretty much confirmed you lurk. I can't speak for others here but I personally don't wish harm upon you. I liked you and was a fan, was able to see us getting a beer or something but now I hate you lmao, It pisses me off seeing people send their money to you when YOU know YOU LIE. It pisses me off seeing you play gullible people into thinking you are so hurt when in reality you're just waiting for the cheque to drop. Treaty 6 is getting that cow and plow soon (you've talked about you're rez before also on tik tok) don't drink it all up like you did with youre PCDs (talks about that on his page) I just want you to tell the truth and stop masking mental illness as an excuse anytime the going gets tough. You aren’t an advocate for mental health if anything you're the DO NOT DO book. And if it is actually mental health, get the fucking help. 70 dollars for a blanket is a slap in the face for mental health. You say "indigenous people gotta stick together" but you wouldn't listen to an elder if he came to battle you on tik tok.
Tiny seen it tonight, D seen it earlier, you have beef with Jordan L now but not before you got the cash And now people are seeing it everyday and you wonder why more and more trolls are coming. Soon I hope you see it. You raised enough to get back to Winnipeg in an alley. Congratulations on that you lil bitch. But the trolls are coming in hotter, you're slipping up more trying to avoid the spiral and it's becoming harder to sell yourself. Sooner or later another bridge or 2 will burn. You've started a cycle Joshy and it's worked but people are catching on.
P.S I was ready for that call lil bro ;)