Poem highschool mom

Hello everyone, I'm gonna start this off by saying thanks to anybody who will read this as it will be a long one, and anybody willing to offer me any advice.
PS. This post started as a post where I was asking for college advice, but as I wrote more I realized any advice would be really helpful so I changed the title a bit, Thanks in advance again!
[[ Beware: My whole lifestory coming up combined with tired midnight grammar 😅 ]]
To get to the point, I currently live in Croatia and just turned 19 a couple of months ago and a time has come when I am again thinking about college. Some background on me, from when I was very little I was always interested in engineering and art, it all started when a teacher of mine in the 5th grade of primary school introduced me to programming and robotics. From then on I was in love with everything to do with electronics, robotics, mechanics programming, and fundamental sciences, maybe even math itself, but that's beside the point. During those years the passion for all of that really grew. I went to countless robotics competitions during my time at school there and even won lots of prizes. One time I almost came to world-level competitions but sadly missed the first place by a point. When I was home I sadly didn't have much equipment for any of these interests except a computer. It seemed limitless what I could do with it, whatever I wanted to do I could make it. It's not like electronics where as a kid getting parts was difficult except from old salvaged electronic devices. I could learn and make whatever I wanted, as long as the old family computer could run it. So I started learning a lot about computers during these times like basic algorithms and some basic games random Python scripts etc. In terms of computers, I was no genius, but for the age, I'm grateful I took the time to learn even the basics of it. Other than that I was a somewhat weird kid because I couldn't really take picking off some classmates as a joke and got annoyed at it quickly when they started interrupting me while I was drawing ( My dad was an artist in his youth so I picked that up from him, been scribbling every day in primary school when class was either boring or some kind of recess ) but even though they were picking on me, I to this day still really don't mind them, we were a pretty close class at the end of the day. And that's how most of my primary school went by, me being social with only a few friends and my informatics teacher as well. Other than that I was pretty sad during those years, I couldn't understand people and was contemplating the meaning of life as well, and that combined with me inheriting some stubbornness from mom, she and I were always fighting for homework, screentime, etc. Right now we are in a very good relationship so I'm greatful for that aswell. Seeing how I didnt really talk outside of school to many people expect a few friends ( I do live in a small village so if they were the same age as me they were in my class ) i basicly spent most of my time while not staying after school in a computer club we had for few hours every couple of days a week, i was cooped upped inside my house, playing with legos, being with grandparents or my cousins or being on computer and doing some programing, scripting, photoshoping and other things you can reasonably excect a child to do. And so passed most of my primary school.
When time came to plan for highschool, I originaly wanted to go to art school, but was quickly turned down by my mother because she thought it wasnt a smart idea. Personaly didn't like it at first, but she is a smart woman so in time i understood. Basicly other then liking to draw and paint, I wanted to go there bacause my best friend from class was going there and he also wanted me to come along. ( Funny how me the least popular guy and the youngest guy in class and he the most popular guy in class while also being the oldest were best friends, but thats a story for another day ) As my mom turned down my suggestion for art school she suggested I go to a school for a Mechatronics Technician. I didnt not like the idea as well I loved everything related to it. Other than that another option was Computer Technician ( basicly a programming oriented path ) but I decided mechatronics because i said to myself i can learn programing at home because the only tools i need are a computer, and mechanics, electronics and robotics is something I dont have at home so it will be really cool to learn all of that here and so, highschool started.
Oh how fast has the reality come crashing down as I understood what the whole mess of the education system actualy was. Most of the classes didnt have any equipment to actualy do anything practical, the other small portion that did the rest lf the 95% of class didnt understand anything so we couldnt do much or what was the more often scenario is that the proffesors just didnt really care at all so we would come to class and do absolutly nothing, like literaly nothing except waiting for the bell to ring. After i realised that I just started not coming to school most quite a bit. Mostly was not comming on fridays, some wednesdays etc most of the times I was actualy abit sick, but every time i was sick i exadurated it so my mom would let me stay home. Even though i was missing quite a bit of classes, if a class had something to do with math or logical thinking ( which most were ) i would usualy either be best at it in the class or almost the best for the pure reason I was actualy really interested and loved all the cool engineering stuff. On the other side if a subject was about 0 logic, full random name memorisation like the croatian literature class, I was almost if not the worst in class managing just barely to scrape by. Other than that there was one proffesor who I admired so much for his style of teaching, as he tought me so much during the only 2 years he lectured me ( my fourth year of highschool he was out because pention ). In simply half a year we went from 0 knowledge to designing, printing, creating and soldering a whole circuit on a pcb, I was always there for his classes. On the other time we were doing something else, he always had some cool stuff prepared when i was finished with work early, he was a great guy and still respect him alot. Other than that i was really disapointed how there existed zero after school activities that i could do that had to do anything with electronic, mechanics, robotics or programing.
On the side of my social life, the summer just before starting highschool I realised this was a great opportunity to redeem myself as i really didnt want to get picked on like in primary school. So what other kind of persona would somebody come up in this situation than one being supported by my pride itself, other than that i was basicly a "chameleon" aka adapting to every person around me which was probably the reason i made some friends but it usualy tired me out completly. And so it started really great actualy, nobody was picking on me, i was socialising ( only inside of my class usualy, other than the people who went to this town from my village that i already knew, but it was a big step up for me ) and learned how to shrug of others banter by pretending it didnt effect me. It was definitly in a better possition then primary school alright, but i did realise alot of people just moving away sometimes because of how i just increased pridefulness as i got more vulnerable. I think i was able to keep my pride to just below some overflowing point as i still managed to make a few friends.
And so some time passed, at home watching more videos about everything to do with engineering, getting a 3d printer and messing with it, programing some more and even trying to learn some business, economy and more about money. I even developed a game for the school as some special thing I got by talking to a teacher of mine. Other than that at the third year, thanks to a profesor i was able to get in touch with a software development company and was able to secure an internship for basicly the whole summer, which was a blast. I learned so much new things that opened doors to alot more things. After that i focused my random "Jack of all trades" learning to be mostly focused on modern used technologies, and the needs of possible job recruiters, and well it in general. That is the point i feel i truly started learning proper programing.
More on my development of pride, in highschool and in primary school i was actualy praised quite alot and being actualy abit good at something maybe was the thing that allowed me to get even some friends by being prideful. We can call that being lucky as the stars alligned, but anyways. During those years i also had two experiences with me falling in love for the first time. The first one didnt last more than a 4ish months maybe, it was basicly a crush thing that ended in a broken heart, but o boy it was a good waking called. I wonder what would happen to me without this realisation. Then the next one lasted basicly 7-8ish months in the 4th year of highschool, and this one was much more complicated and longer, but after it i learned quite a new few things. These two things really awoken me to who i am today, as i try to live each day with as much virtue as I can. I threw out the pride out of the window, and dont really care too much of somebodies bad opinions on me, if there are currently any. I came to terms with alot of things and am just able to accept things for what they are, without judgment.
As im writing this its quite late and am tired so sorry for bad grammar i want to shorten this abit. Basicly my whole life i loved scientists, engineers and the idea of colledge. Was always dreaming of becomingba "great scientist" like albert einstein or nikola tesla but the older i got, the more things i learned, the more that dream of going to colledge got shattered by reality. As i realised the giant flaws in the education system, after learning about money and realising colledges are just big businesses trying to earn alot of money, and that that is their main motivation, combines with seeing that scientists basicly to get any money and recognition these days need to literaly hop from trend to trend, research what is "in" currently or well no bread on the table just made the academia route of my life shatter before my eyes. Seeing how i knew quite abit computers i thought i could atleast land something, but after seeing people who were much longer in the industry praise me for a impressive knowledge on alot of fields and my ability to almost instantly grasp any concept thrown at me, i actualy got a job. Well this was how I decided to start working immediatly instead of going to colledge. After weighing the options combined with the additional knowledge i got about the job market, this was an obvious choice. I believe that my key to being objective is me being realistic, so sadly i know am not some do it all genious and know i need to rely on whatever i have to use as leverage to enhance my life, so learning from Warren Buffet that out of everything I got, my time was my biggest asset. Simply being young with the above average skills i have, I believe i have a reasonably good chance to have a virtous and fulfiling life.
But i still have that burning flame in my chest, i still love the idea i had of colledge, of becoming a scientist, an engineer. I tried looking for ways to convince myself otherwise and see that i was actualy wrong about it all, but each time i look, more and more i realise my initial assumptions were right. The world is slowly moving away from official education like colledges as everything can be learnt online, because of ai the next few years are going to be revolutionary in all of these fields so either the colledge courses are going to be very outdated or just some concept of a job will not simply be needed as a diffrent one apears. The posibilities and their volatility is just so high that i dont feel even 1% safe actualy going to colledge, seeing how devoting like 5 years to it will mean loosing the onlx advantage i can use, and that is me starting out young. And as a bonus because i have a job i actualy have more time than colledge to persume my other interest like mechanics and electronics as well as actualy funds.
Thanks for reading all of this, I can trust it was quite a journey reading everything i written basicly half asleep but i hope you were able to understand everything. Im really confused what to do, as I love both options but knowing that one has a much better chance of being useful to me than the other. Any advice you can give me will be greatly appriciated, be it about college like is there an actualy good colledge in europe thats is worth it in my place, or general life stuff, about work etc. Once again I cannot thank you enough for reading this and helping me. Thanks!
Edit: I havent said much about my job because this is more of a general reddit but for people who are in the field I am a backend developer, with some freelancing and opensource contributions on the side

I don't know exactly when my pain started but it became worse as I began working in a huge hardware store. If you know anything about these stores it's that they have concrete floors. Standing on said floors for 9-12 hours a day and walking to and from work can really take a toll on the body. Especially if you have some sort of unchecked issue within. I would wake up in the middle of the night often not being able to stand on my left leg+foot for a while. This happened through out highschool and I thought my body was just trying to wake up. Then, when I started working I noticed it hurt worse and it often hurt to sit down.
This was taken care of through months of physical therapy. I learned it was my SI joint in the small of my back. This wasn't the only issue though. I also had consistent back pain. I could temporarily get rid of it with some pain meds and go on my way. But then the pain became a shooting pain. This would start in my hip and down my leg. As time went on, it spread worse to my other hip and leg. Then up my back and to my foot. The shooting is a extremely painful and quick sensation. It used to not linger.
I have tried to get this fixed ever since I went to PT. Everyone has made me been over backwards or laughed at me. My pain and symptoms are accelerating. I noticed a month or two ago that I was shaking more than usual. Normally this is caused my stress or anxiety. I chalked it up to that because my medicine normally takes it away. It gradually got worse though. I started to get pins and needles in my right arm. Shocks of pain down said arm and hand. Now, it uncontrollably shakes when I start feeling pain in that hand.
Today this has been the most pain I've ever felt in my 22 years on this earth. I've never felt more embarrassed in my life as well. I've always been okay with helping my mom out when her body hurts her as well but I've never had to almost carry her. She had to almost carry me to bed after asking me to squeegee the water out of the mop. My hands were too weak to hold them. My legs were giving out beneath me. All I could do was sob. It hurts so much. I just want someone to fix me. No one believes me because I'm 'too young'. I know I need the help. I have the insurance and want to use it while I can. I am so sick of waiting until things go horribly. I've almost fallen down so many times because of this pain. It hurts so much I can't even think right at times. Everyone in my life thinks it's a joke.
I just want someone to see me. I just want to know what's wrong with me. I don't wanna life my life in pain anymore. I've done that for years mentally. I don't wanna physically do this. It's gotten so bad it's started affecting my mental health just as it got good. I don't wanna fail myself. I know I deserve more than this. Anyone know what it could be?

When I was in high school I got asked out once by a girl who I knew of but did not know personally while I was in my free period. I tried to play it cool when I said yes but I remember my heart was racing and I couldn’t believe what was happening. That day I when I got home words couldn’t describe how excited I was. I mean someone asked ME out! Like that’s the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. I was so happy I remember telling my mom that a girl wanted to go out with me, and not only that she asked me too! She couldn’t believe it and was so happy for me. I was already planning what I was gonna wear, what we could do for the date, the cologne I wanted to wear, and the flowers I wanted to get her. I truly thought things were looking up for once cause my highschool experience had been pretty awful. She gave me her IG to text her when she asked me and I followed her but she never followed back so I figured she might not have seen it or was just busy. The next day however, I was told by a group of semi-friends that I had that they were told by the girl and her friends that it was actually just a dare and wasn’t serious and she had no intention of going out with me. I was devastated and when I got home from school that day I fucking sobbed. I wanted to get ahead of it cause I already told my mom I was gonna go on a date with a girl some time soon but that was obviously not gonna happen so I told her the girl that asked me was actually very nervous and asked if we could get to know each other more in the school setting before we meet outside of school just to buy myself time. But yeah it was awful and it hurts me all these years later to think about.

I guess I'll start off by giving backstory. I am a (18F) college student in a relationship with my boyfriend (18M) who is about to graduate highschool next week. We originally met back in February on a dating app, and we are long distance (of an hour away from each other), and our relationship is a secret from my dad (strict parent). My mom is aware of the relationship however because she is concerned for me getting found out, she limits my hangouts with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I try to see each other every week, sometimes every other week.
I just want to make it clear: from the beginning of our relationship I have been the one to mess things up. Or that is how (him and me) mostly see it. I think I've come to realize it's because I have a lot of mental immaturity. From what I recall, one of the first arguments we had was my inability to communicate properly with my boyfriend. Such as: texting him small updates or, checking things he would send me on social media and not reply to his iMessage back. Very minor communication. The others were a bit more extreme. One of the more extreme ones stemmed from the whole strict parent thing. See, originally my boyfriend asked me out the first month in which we met. However, I turned him down because although I wanted to say yes, I didn't want to lie about the status of my relationship to my parents. Eventually, I wanted the two of us to become official after a few months of us talking, so I can then introduce him as my boyfriend to my parents. This created a big issue between us, in which he started developing a sense of not having security in the relationship. This would be the cause of many arguments. I think my fault in this was instead of reassuring him and making him feel heard; I would apologize over and over again trying to offer solutions. On his birthday I wrote him a long love letter and I told him I wanted to make things official, the truth is I felt pressured because a week before his birthday we had the same reoccurring argument. We've had a lot of arguments piling since then, many of them having to with me such as: making conversations about his feelings about myself, in which then he feels pressured to comfort me. Our most recent argument was completely my mistake and I recognize this.
About three weeks ago, one of my friends was preforming at my former highschool. It was going to be a concert like event in which students and their rock bands would preform. So I invited my Best Friend (18M) and my Boyfriend. (To clarify, my best friend has been my friend for 7 years and he is gay, this doesn't have to do with my best friend being a man; my boyfriend himself is comfortable with our relationship.) I had not seen my boyfriend for a week or so prior to this event and so I would constantly tell him about how I miss him and how I was looking forward to see him, hence why I invited him. Before the event started, the three of us (me, Boyfriend, and Best friend) decided to go to a cafe to get a drink since it was a 5min walk from my former highschool (where the event was being held). I thought I was giving him attention by being affectionate in holding his hand, trying to include him in conversation, and clinging to his arm would be enough: showing my boyfriend that I missed him. However, when we walked back from the cafe to line up outside the event, I noticed he was going quiet and even got out of line to sit down at a nearby bench. When we entered the event, us three sat down and my Boyfriend put his head down immediately. I knew from that, that this wasn't his vibe. After the first two songs, he got up and left (with letting me know) and went back to his car. I asked him if he was okay, and he just told me he wanted to lay down. The event was three hours, I stayed for the first hour almost two, before receiving a text from my boyfriend. In which he said "should I just leave", so I left the event and went to his car to talk to him. He told me that he felt unappreciated especially because I said I had missed him so much, that I didn't even say "thank you baby for driving an hour to be here". We ended up talking this out and we went to dinner after. The reason why I am bringing this up is because my best friend was actually quite annoyed at this. This week, me and my best friend went out to Koreatown which we were talking about my boyfriend. My best friend brought up his behavior from the event, and demonstrated the way my boyfriend had his head down expressing how annoyed it made him feel that I left early, and even missed some of my friend performance which was the reason why I went. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my boyfriend. He got extremely upset, and took my best friend as mocking him and disrespecting him, he got mad at me for not defending him. This was a very big argument. My boyfriend has expressed and even shown throughout the arguements we've had, that he is losing his patience and feels as though I am abusing him ;"Let me continue to beat you mentally and ask for forgiveness with no promise of a promising future for myself in change (he told me this)". Lately, although I should have been doing this from the beginning have been trying to put my best foot forward in changing attitude, I've been trying to be more supportive and not making conversations about myself, in making sure that he knows that I understand him, however I keep messing up and its very frustrating to me.
I've talked to my therapist and my own mom about my problems, because I really want to stay with my boyfriend and I really want to change. My last relationship I was sexually and verbally abused, and although me and my boyfriend have a lot of problems he really is the best and the first person I have seen a future with. I sometimes struggle with the trauma from my last relationship, which is why sometimes I get scared of expressing myself (my ex would call me stupid or a manipulator when I expressed myself so I get scared of retaliation). My boyfriend gets sometimes frustrated when I explain this because he tells me "well I'm not him and you know that".
Although I love this person, I don't know whether to break up with him or not. We have both stayed with each other because we want to work things out, however as he has expressed to me and I have noticed: this creating an unhealthy environment and he feels like he is in an unhealthy environment. I never want to keep my boyfriend in an environment in which he feels unsafe and not happy. To clarify, I am willing to work things out with him through and through. But, lot of the time I worry because of the several arguements we have had, that he is not happy but yet he stays. I cry a lot and I feel terrible. I never open to my mom about things ever but, I did the last argument because of how terrible I feel about it all. I feel like I'm not enough. I find myself trying but even I know my efforts aren't enough for this relationship. Any advice will help which is why I've taken it to here. I can't fully explain my whole relationship and timeline of events but hopefully this was enough information (if not I will try to update this) thank you if you read this.

Hey guys,
As of around an hour ago I ran into a tough situation. Back in high school ( currently M20) I was groomed multiple times and I ended up in a relationship with a guy who was 33 while me being 17. I didn’t realize I was potentially being groomed as you know all people in that time think they’re so mature and adult when they’re validated by an adult like that. Long story short regarding the relationship. We ended up actually being together for 2 years after that. A lot of fighting, I got cheated on, and the worst- being beat up badly on a street near where I was living in NYC.
That trauma alone and that doesn’t crack the surface of everything that’s happened and the trauma he put me through that resurfaced tonight. My two best friends F20 and 19 have been so excited about living together in a new apartment when my lease ends at the end of the summer and we’ve been planning housewarming, parties, etc and integrating our friend groups. Sounds like every young persons dream right? Well that dream completely was destroyed tonight.
These friends have been my best 2 friends for years ( we were friends for years throughout high school and ended up being our chosen family in a way) and I get a text tonight that neither of their parents will allow me to live with them. I am a good person, provided infinite support for both and we see each other every week. I even spent 1700 dollars to go see my friend who was doing a semester abroad and meet her and her new friends. I thought I could completely trust my friends but apparently a conversation in passing that one of the friends had with her mom regarding my age at the time and my ex who groomed me (this conversation happened with her mother was back in highschool) yet at the time her mother didn’t say anything about it. Once my friend made it official we were all living together her mom has been fighting for 2 weeks now, which I only learned about coming home from work tonight, and says she doesn’t want her to live with someone like me. Her mother called my best friends mom and told her about what I’ve gone through and how she can’t fathom her living with someone like me and said she doesn’t want her to be around me when me and ex have completely cut ties and will never see each other and it’s been that way for over a year now. My best best friends mom and dad who received a call from her mom and was spoken to and although they love me quickly took a turn with how they perceive me. Apparently one of the dads said “f*ck no” regarding the living situation just because of the trauma I endured during that time.
I know this sounds like a hasty choice but they came over and we talked for a little about everything but I truly don’t think I can be friends with people who’s parents feel some way about me which I’m still not understanding? I know people go through friends when they’re young but these people were my everything. Can someone explain what I did wrong? Without them my life feels empty and I don’t want to do this anymore as they are the only people I’ve ever loved this deeply and now their families don’t think I’m safe or something and it’s kind of hypocritical her dad can say such a thing as “f*ck no” when he was arrested for trading drugs for sex and divorced.
I don’t know what type of advice I’m seeking tbh but if anyone can just let me know their thoughts on this I’d appreciate it and why I’m being vilified for being a victim. I’ve opened up to my parents when I cut ties with ex about everything I’ve been through and had no judgment. Help please because I’ve lost any meaning for living a life without them. They still want to be my best friends but idk if i can do it being reminded every day that their immediate families feel weird towards me or feel me being around is safety issue when I literally have finally made a breakthrough in the past year and a half.

I'm 17 ftm a junior in Highschool, and planning on going to college after I graduate and my grandma has agreed to help pay my tuition. However, she's said she won't pay for dorms if I go to gender neutral dorms and due to my situation at home with my mom I can't get a job rn to help pay for dorms. Although I really feel uncomfortable going to girl dorms bc of dysphoria and feeling like I'm invading women's spaces, should I just go to avoid having to take out student loans? Or maybe is there some other alternative I could do to make it easier? If anyone has advice please let me know:).

I have recently just started using a sunbed and have a bit of a base but not super dark, my moms been using them since highschool (42 now) and hasn’t been in a few years so she’s more experienced. I want to know if this is good and won’t turn me orange because i’ve seen old pictures of her and she looked very trump-like (sorry mom i love you)

Sorry about format, as I'm on mobile. I'd get some snacks and a drink, cause this is gonna be a decent sized one. This is pretty much about my entire life. Also, I have mental health and sometimes add too many details to things. I kinda over share, so apologise if that happens. Me(F) my mom(F) sister(F)
My entire life, I have felt less than when it comes to my mom. It's pretty obvious my sister is the favorite child. Ever since she was born, I was put on a back burner. Then my brother was born, and it got even worse. (My brother is an amazing man, so I don't fault him for anything at all. He's pretty much my unofficial child. I will die for him.) When I was 3, my bio dad died. I did get checks every month for survivors checks, but when I turned 18, I never saw any of it. I understand that she needed it for me while I was a minor, but once I turned 18, it was supposed to actually go to me. I was still in my last year of high school, so it didn't stop til I graduated. If I would have gotten those checks, I would be way farther in life. My mom got with my siblings dad when I was around 4 or 5. That's where the abuse came in. She got pregnant with my sister, and pretty much made me the clown. My sister's dad was a Dr*g addict, and would go on binges, leaving me home alone to watch my siblings, while Mom was at work. I was 6 at this point. Granted, she did call the police and he got charged with 3 counts of child endangerment. (My brother was born at this point). Then, she stayed with him, even though he left us like that. When I was 9 was when I found out about my dad. She wasn't even going to tell me about him, but she had to, cause my grandma filed for grandparents rights. Mom didn't even tell me. Siblings dad is the one to sit me down. That's when my mental health started to really show. I was 9 and finding out the man that I called dad, wasn't actually my dad, and my real dad is never meet cause he's dead. My soul broke that day. Fast forward a few months and I get a puppy for my birthday. It pooped in the house, and G(siblings dad) was so irate, he left the puppy outside in the middle of the night, during the winter... He killed my dog. It was maybe 15° F that night. I woke up the next morning to mom telling me the dog ate paint off the wall ... She did, but the bite marks were there from a week prior. I was 9, not stupid. I saw through her lies. Fast forward again. They end up separating. He had gotten upset, then kidnapped my siblings taking them to a completely different state. He finally came back, and was in jail for 6 months. After he got out .. she got back with him. The final straw happened a few years later. When I was probably 8-10 can't remember exactly how old, I was having issues with my math homework. I have major dyslexia with numbers(can't remember the actual name) and math was my worst subject because of that. I was frustrated cause I just couldn't understand the math homework, so I crumpled the paper. (I was a kid. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did.) She got up, and started to hit me. She was smacking my arms, and had me pinned down to the couch. I turned my head and she hit my nose hard enough for it to gush blood. (Granted I could flick my nose and it'd bleed, but I digress). Then, I had "played" with a belt with her and G, and one of them(can't remember who) was hitting me with another one. I didn't understand at the time, but we was all smacking each other with belts, tryna hit the others the hardest. (My lord I just realized how bad that actually was.) I went to school the next day, and had a few welts on my arms. Went to the nurse for some ice, and got asked who did it. I explained what happened, and cps got called. I didn't know, but I got home and got screamed at by G. He was in my face, so close I could smell his breath and feel his spittle hitting my face. Then my mom said it wasn't them, but my sister who scratched me. (It wasn't a scratch. It was a welt clearly from a belt.) There's probably more, but my brain made me forget to protect my sanity. Fast forward, she is finally away from him. Then she gets with my now step dad. I was 12 at the time. He was an okay guy. He has 5 kids. Well, of course I was the built in babysitter. I am the oldest out of all 8 of us kids. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends as much as I should have been growing up, cause I was always the one to be the second parent to them. That's when my mental health started to get severe. I started self harming at 13. It would get so bad. Nothing of significance really happened between then til I was 16. (That I can remember. Thanks brain for protecting me.) I get into highschool. Freshman year. I'm finally able to start hanging out with friends more often. I end up having sex(I was coerced, wanted to wait til I was on bc, but I finally gave in. Shouldn't have, but it's whatever. I'm over it now.) Wasn't on birth control and didn't wear a condom. Had a scare I may have been pregnant. Mom finds out, gets a test and takes me to my grandma's to take it. She berates me in front of my grandparent and my aunt and cousins. Thankfully it was negative. Fast forward to when I was 16. Got my first job. Finally I'm old enough to make my own money. Well, I can't even spend my checks the way I wanted to. Majority of them went to her. I gave her prob 85 percent of my checks. I wanted to save for a car. Couldn't. (Not that it mattered. Didn't get my license til I was 23... I'm 27 now.) Kept getting my temps, only to never practice. Yet, when my sister is 18, she takes her out to drive and helps her get her license. But, whatever. Finally I graduate, and all I get is a gift card(I'm thankful of course. I'm not stingy, I just have envy from all the things my sister got, that I didn't.) Sister got a full blown party. Every single person I have been romantically with, she would put in my head that they aren't good enough. So much so, I thought I would never be with someone who genuinely loved me. (I have that now, so shout out to my amazing fiance.) I'm still cutting on a daily basis at this point. Cut from the ages of 12 to 20. I'd still be, if I wasn't with my fiance. (I was didn't sewer slide myself and actually did it right this time, anyway. Tried 5 times. Thankfully I failed each time.) I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression and ADHD. Not once did she take me to get health. She always dismissed me when I would try and talk to her about it, so I just kept to myself. It took my fiance's mom to take me and get me the help I needed. I barely graduated cause I just didn't care in 9th and 10th grade. I felt like I wasn't going to live past high school anyway, so why should I care? 11th grade comes up and working had actually given me motivation to keep going. (Plus I started smoking the devil's lettuce, so I was feeling better mentally.) Turn 18 and I move out. Ended up losing my job I had then, and go down a spiral. I got addicted to alcohol and pills for a couple of weeks. Not enough for withdrawals, but it was still bad. Thankfully I woke up one day and realized what I was doing. (I'll give her this, I called and she immediately came to get me so I could get out of that situation.) Fast forward more, I move out again, but just down the street. I'm now 19 and start dating my now fiance. We have been together 8 years and I barely talk to her anymore. Esp this past year. I don't really message her first anymore. I've gone 6 or more months without talking to her. Shoot, without talking to anyone in my family. Fiance's parents get me the mental health I needed. Get diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I've told Mom I have bipolar since I was 16 and she just dismissed me, saying it's my hormones. (Jokes on her) About 4 years in, she starts telling me I need to find someone else to be with. He isn't good enough for me. (Yeah, like the rest weren't. No one is good enough for her.) It gets to the point I had to tell her and my sister both to stop, or I was gonna cut them out of my life completely. (Should have, looking back, but we learn.) They stop for a while. Sister is now showing her true colors. She's a narcissist and gaslighter, just like her father. She cannot own up to her mistakes, what so ever. She gets into an accident, not her fault. She gets into a fight she started, not her fault. Can't hold down a job, not yet fault. (I've had trouble holding down a job as well, but I'm getting better. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and am in meds, so I'm not feeling impulsive as bad. Id switch jobs pretty frequently, due to the better sounding one. It's still affecting me to this day, but I'm seeing a change in my mind. Just gotta push through a bit more. Not blaming it on my ADHD, but the disease doesn't make it easier.) Mom has gotten sister a job with her at every single job she's had the past 4 years. Sister ruins it for mom, cause sister can't stand mom not paying attention to her, or doing everything for sister. Sister has bad anxiety, and uses it as an excuse to keep mom working. Sister wants all the pay of being a manager, without actually doing the manager duties. Sister always tells me I need to dress better. Says i "need to look more presentable and not like a slob". I wear skinny jeans and a Tshirt usually. Frequently, I'll wear sweats if I'm just going to moms and not going out. I like being comfy. Constantly criticizing me for every single thing I do. Finally mom says she realizes how bad she has treated me throughout my life. I forgave her a long time ago. Gets to the point mom says she wouldn't have anything to do with sister, if she wasn't her kid. Thought things were gonna change. Clearly not. Mom and sister both get another new job, the same job. Again. It's like nothing has changed since that conversation. Still barely talk to her, and everything. Last time I hung out with them, it was for only 3 hours. THREE HOURS. yet, I had anxiety and panic attacks from that small amount of time, for the next 3 days... I can't do this anymore, but I feel SO freaking guilty for even considering this. I love my mom and sister. I want them in my life, but I can't keep feeling like this. My mental health is always needing to be restarted after being around them. It's like I go back to that 12 year old me and want to self harm all over again. I'm now almost 10 years clean from it. There is no longer any scars, and I'm happier now. I just can't help but to feel I should just suck it up and "get over it". I know this is rediculously long, so if you've read this far, thank you. I just need some other people's perspective that isn't biased and I feel you guys are the best chance for that. I'm really struggling on what to do and feel so guilty for even typing this stuff out. My worst fear is disappointing her, yet I do every day. I also really hate confrontation. I'll do whatever it takes to avoid it, but I just can't anymore. I've always wondered how life would be if my dad was alive. I don't remember him, but I can still say I miss him. I miss the opportunities that I didn't get growing up.
Thank you guys. I'll take whatever you guys throw at me. I just want to see if my feelings are valid or not. This is literally causing me pain. I need help.

70k kapalit ng 7 years of friendship✨
Yung nanay ng bestfriend ko simula highschool nang hiram sa akin ng total amount of 70k.
I have been very patient and kind sa pag ffollow up sa utang nila na ito na supposedly October 2022 pa daw babayaran.
Sumasama na ang loob ko at na wawalan na ako ng gana sa bestfriend ko kasi wala din siya kusa magwork para magbayad. I get it if gipit sila or wala talaga silang means para magbayad pero hindi siya nagaaral or work, wala din siya responsibility sa kanila. I always see her post sa socmed na palaging nasa club/bar or Elyu, naka pag travel pa nga sa UAE pero di sila maka bayad ng utang🥲.
I am now considering taking legal actions para dito. Are there any cost effective options to do this or kalimutan ko nalang na utang nila at pagkaka ibigan namin?
Also, added info. Yung mom is ofw sa UAE. I reside in Australia.
Thanks sa sasagot❤️

I need to stop end things with my girlfriend, but I can’t bring myself to do it
Im 17, and I’ve been struggling with loneliness all my life so far. Not loneliness as in no partner, but I have no one. I’ve never been loved, I haven’t been told ‘I love you’ by someone that’s not my mom. I haven’t had anyone say to me irl that they love being around me. As a result, it affected me. Imagine no friends since elementary up until almost the end of highschool. I haven’t had made a single memory with anyone and I’m graduating in a month. I look decent, I shower, Im in sports(XC last sem and track this sem), my height is ok (5’11) but I still haven’t made any friends. I’ve been so desperate for friends, or just care from someone else that I’ve become rather desperate(I don’t show it though). My loneliness has become absolutely painful to deal with, and it’s a factor as to why I hate myself because I feel like no one wants me
However, this one girl saw me somewhere and she showed me interest. Also, this is online. But someone was still interested in me. Then she made it clear she wanted to start dating. However, I then found out that she’s been commenting on porn subs, and now I feel like I shouldn’t be in this relationship since it could just lead to sin potentially. Me as a christian shouldn’t be with someone like that
I feel like the right thing is to stand in my faith and not get with this person. But this is one of the first time someone talked to me romantically. She even complimented me on my looks and called me cute. And it’s really hard to let go because this is something I don’t really experience. I get attached easily and the fact that someone actually cares about me makes it feel impossible to pull away since I’ll just go back to getting 0 messages. What should I do?

Hello everyone. I am currently finishing my associates degree as a business major. Next semester will be my last and I want to apply to a prestigious school. I would like to know what my chances are. My current GPA is 3.84. I went to high school outside of the USA. Over there I did comunity service cleaning the botanic garden in my city and I also volunteered to an organization that took care of kids with down syndrome. My extracurriculars are not exceptional but the whole time I was at school I worked full time as a substitute teacher and a personal aide with special needs students. I forgot to mention I am a first generation student, my mom never graduated from college because she could not afford it so she had to drop out and my father did not even go to highschool. My dream schools are university of Pennsylvania, Princeton and MIT.However, I would still like to know if I have a chance of getting in a top 15 college. I would also like to go to UT Austin or Cornell university, Rutgers new Brunswick .

i’m so sorry if this is rlly long, im new to reddit so pls let me know if i need to shorten it and how to do so😭
hi so this is kinda hard to explain fully so i’ll try to explain the most important parts.
this maybe a TW to a lot of ppl so please be careful reading this i don’t want to upset anyone! ⚠️
so i’m 20(f) and i’ve been with this guy (also 20)for about over two years. we met in highschool when i was going through a breakup and he was one of my only closest friends. as with all abusive relationships, it started off so amazing, it was my first in person serious relationship so i was fully heard over heels. so much so that when red flags started popping up i ignored them. it started off with him telling me to drop my closest guy friends, etc… and i did because he used him having no friends at all to make me feel like i had to do the same. he also got me into smoking weed, which i have nothing against btw, it was just bad for me because i used it to cope with a lot of my depression. since i smoked weed more often, i started gaining weight which i had no problem with since i had gone through a severe case of anorexia about 2 years prior, but it did make me a little insecure. slowly he started insulting my weight, my body, and so many other things, until it led to the point where he got physical after around six or seven months of us dating. i remember his mom walking in on him about to hit me with a belt and she had been abused by his dad and my bf witnessed it all, so she was very angry at him and she took my side, and i’ll never forget what she told me; “this isn’t love. someone who loves you would never even think of putting their hands on you”. i still feel guilty for not listening to her. i wanted to believe in him so badly, so i stayed and things just got worse.
everyday there was a fight, either verbally or physically (most of the time both), and i just felt so horrible. so i eventually wanted to adopt a cat, something i always wanted to do since i was a little girl. i adopted a kitten and unfortunately my parents did not allow me to keep him at my house because of my dog, and i asked my bf if i could keep him at his house for the meantime while i can work with my parents on how he can live with me (the kitten). i am not exaggerating when i say that that little kitten was my soulmate in a little cat body. he seemed to understand me and love me in a way no other human did. and i loved him more than anything. i eventually went on vacation with my family for a few days and when i came back i could tell somehow things were different. he wouldn’t let me see my kitten and when i pretty much forced him to let me see him, he started crying and begging me not to leave him. i of course panicked and agreed because i thought something bad happened to my kitten, and he showed me him and told me that he had broken one of his paws. i was so horrified, i felt so much pain at seeing my little buddy in that state, so i freaked out and i demanded and begged that he let me take him to the vet or anywhere else that wasn’t his house so that he can get help. but he refused, and even threatened me if i took him, saying it was his cat and just making me feel like it was my fault that this happened and not his. my biggest regret and the reason i feel guilty to this day is that i stayed out of fear, instead of taking my kitten with me and never looking back. he ended up killing my kitten one night that i went home (i have always lived with my parents), and he didn’t tell me until i came over the next day. it was the most painful and traumatic day of my life, knowing that i never got to say goodbye to my kitten, knowing how much my kitten loved me and how much i loved him, and now he was gone when he shouldn’t have been. i screamed and cried so much, and his (my bfs) only response was to aggressively attack me so i would be quiet, and blaming me that if i had taken him he would still be alive.
i felt so guilty and ashamed that i didn’t tell anyone until a month later, when i started having an onset of ptsd because of everything that happened, i decided to tell my therapist. she was horrified, saying that it was one of the most horrific things she ever heard, and honestly if it wasn’t for her help, i would’ve never survived that pain and guilt of losing my kitten. i know now that i was in a heavy denial that my bf would do something so horrible, so i continued on seeing him, but things just got worse and worse. he did so many fucked up things to me, physically, mentally, sexually, in almost every single way possible that you can imagine. i used weed as my coping mechanism for a lot of it, and it was the only way i could numb all the pain he was causing me. i was so depressed, i never felt suicidal with intentions of offing myself, but i did just want to go to sleep and never wake up. the guilt of my kittens death, combined with the horrible abuse this person that was supposed to love me was doing, was so painful. eventually i told my family what happened, but all they did was basically say that i “let it happen” and that “i should’ve left the first time he put his hands on me”, and that “why didn’t i defend myself the way i defended myself against them (referring to my family)”. it hurt but i understand they weren’t educated on it, especially coming from a minority family.
eventually a few months passed, and i found out i was pregnant. it was honestly one of the best days of my life, even if i was young, i still was happy because there was this little life in me. and i knew from the second i found out that i couldn’t stay with him. i couldn’t allow my baby to have that same life that i was living, but i didn’t know how to get out. he didn’t want me to continue the pregnancy when i told him, and even threatened to leave me and not support me at all, but i was determined to stand by my decision; he wasn’t going to take away my choice of having my baby. i stopped smoking weed the day i found out, and he always tried to make me smoke, which i refused, which would get him so upset. but i was determined to take care of my lil baby from the start, he had taken away too much already from me. i told my parents and they were disappointed but quickly became supportive, and encouraged me to leave him for good. it took a few months of me seeing him occasionally, but things not really changing, for me to leave him for good.
i left a few weeks ago due to me realizing that the only thing i was doing by going over to his house was putting myself and my baby in danger. and after a very scary traumatizing incident, i realized while crying and praying to God, that the only true love i’ve ever felt and feel at this point, is for my baby. my bf was no longer my whole world, it was my baby, and as a mother to be, i was going to do everything to protect my baby. i rather go through the pain of breaking away from my bf then something bad happening to me or even to my baby. not only does my baby deserve a happy and safe life, but i realized that i do too. and in order for my baby to be happy, i have to be happy as well. so i made a promise to God and to myself and my baby, that i was never ever going to see my bf again. so that day after i left his house, i never went back. i don’t blame other moms in these situations, because it is so incredibly difficult to get out, i know, trust me i do. but for me what has helped me stay strong in my decision, is seeing how much happier me and my baby are already. i only have a few more months until i give birth, and i can already feel him kicking so hard now and being much more active. i truly believe it’s because he senses that we’re truly safe now, that our nightmare is over.
it’s been really hard i’m not going to lie, i cry sometimes and miss the person i fell in love with, but my faith in God and my baby have helped me a lot, as well as my family! that person i fell in love with, left a long time ago, and was never truly there. i know that i’m doing the right decision for me and my baby, to be safe and to have a happy life together. i know i can be both mommy and daddy to him, and most importantly i’ll teach him that he has God as his father too, which is much much better than having a pos father tbh.
going back to the title of my post though, i realized in these recent days that i know it’s time to go no contact completely. i haven’t seen him at all which i know is good, but i know to fully move on i have to cut off all communication with him. i think he can sense i’m breaking away from him, because yesterday he begged me to come over, saying all the things he used to say before, like that he “wants to hold me”, he wants to get our favorite drink together and food, that he wants to feel our baby kick, which honestly made it so hard to say no but i stood by my decision as painful as it was 🫠i told him i will not see him because i know things are going to remain the same and i’m doing what’s best for my baby and for me. and that as much as i still have love for him and miss him, i will not put myself or my baby in danger any longer. he proved my point after i said that, because he basically said so many horrible things to me, including that i was a “dumb overweight bitch”, “fuck you”, and he got mad that i saved a video of MY kitten that HE killed, saying that “fuck you for saving a video of me and my boy”, and a bunch of other hurtful stuff. it was honestly so disgusting and it made me glad i stuck by my decision to not ever see him again. i left him on read so he spam called me and i only answered once to tell him to leave me alone, but he basically only called me to say “i rather spend money on drugs and alcohol than you and that fucking baby🥲”. i’m not going to lie and act like it didn’t hurt, it really did. it really really did. but it also strangely gives me strength and makes me feel reassured that i made the best decision ever by leaving, not only for myself but for most importantly my baby. i don’t need him in my life anymore, all i need is my baby, God, and my family.
ever since then i want to send him a message that i want to breakup with him for good and basically go no contact from there. it sounds stupid, but i’m still scared to do so, i’m scared i’ll regret it in a way, even though i know for certain i won’t. i also remember the “good times” and it makes me sad and feel guilty for “giving up on him” even tho i know he doesn’t deserve me at all🫠. i guess that’s the abused part of me being scared still. i know i’ve taken an important big step by cutting off physical contact, but i know i can’t keep talking to him because he’ll only find other ways to torment me and make me feel bad even from far away. i guess i just wanted to ask for reassurance that i’m doing the right thing? idk🥲 sometimes it feels like i’m not strong enough, but my baby always reminds me with his kicks (lol) of why i’m doing all of this, which is for him!! a mothers love is truly so strong, i never really knew that until now. i would do anything to protect my baby. the only thing that has kept me happy and strong enough to continue is him! :’) and i also want to cut off contact for good because i want to enjoy the last months of my pregnancy in peace lol, and once he’s born soon i def do not need my bf stressing me out nor do i want him to. i also do not want him to be apart of my baby’s life once he’s born, i made sure to collect evidence just in case he ever wants to ask for visitation rights, cuz there is NO WAY in hell i will ever allow him to be near my baby let alone be alone with him ever. it’s sad but it’s the reality of his actions, it’s my job to protect my baby first. i’m lucky to have my family’s financial support as well while i finish up college, so i def do not care if he threatens me with not paying child support. i just want him out of our lives for good.
so yeah im just looking for reassurance that im doing the right thing and any advice if anyone has some! 🥹🫶i just want to be a good mommy to my baby and i hope i’m doing just that already 🥲❤️‍🩹i haven’t really told many people about my story out of fear of judgment, so it’s really a big step for me to share, even if it’s anonymous in a way. im just focusing on trusting God and myself, and im so excited to meet my baby soon! 🥹and to do better in college since i’ve been slacking ever since i started due to all the trauma and problems my bf put me through. i’m excited in general, to get my life back and to start a new chapter with my little one! 🥹🥲🫶 i got in contact with my old friends which has been nice, i know i should try to socialize more so i won’t feel as depressed. i also am looking for a new therapist (i stopped going to my old one a few months ago due to it being out of pocket😭), which i’ve been procrastinating but i know it’s important to help me heal from my trauma and to help me with my ocd (which has gotten worse tbh and it makes me more anxious about my baby🥲 even tho i know he’s okay i’m just really paranoid always). i am sad, but not as sad as i was when i was with him. and while i don’t really want to find a partner in the future because my priority is my baby, i do hope i’ll one day find someone who can love me as i deserve. it feels impossible though, but i know that might just be because of all the effects of his abuse…
i hope even if you don’t have advice for me or anything to say (which is totally fine!) i hope people reading this can find comfort that all bad moments come to an end, and that you have the power to leave, as hard as it is ❤️‍🩹even if it doesn’t seem like it, i promise you will get through it. i’m still not over it completely, i def have a long way to go, but i know it’ll all be worth it, and tbh it already is worth it!
thank you for taking the time to read this, i send all my love and good vibes to all of you warriors! <3 :’)

I know this redit is not for, but I do need help:
Let's start that I can't be independent and my boyfriend neither. I came out some years ago and it wasn't something cool, my mum almost sent me to a Magic Camp where gay boys became "normal" and it was a huge drama. On the other hand, my boyfriend's parents are REAL catholics and they don't know about being a "sinner".
Since we start dating we had a lot ofproblems, more because he didn't wanted to came out. It was some months ago. Today he send me a message telling me that some bitch told his mom that we were too close and they "investigated" me. So they know my Name, Last name and that I was gay. That bitch probably is from out Highschool. On our classroom we kiss and all but I'm sure that girl wasn't of our class.
His parents PROHIBITED him to see me again before I turn him gay (which he is, he was the one that asked me to date) and they threatened him that if he dont they will kill me. We are from the Taco-Shit-Land and most of People here are VERY homophobic. It's like being in Texas...I'm not sure if tell this to my parents or what. Also I'm worried of what can happen. I don't feel safe and the police here is bs.
I dunno what to do, in the past I had su1cis4l thoughts and I'm feeling like. l'm too stressed. Someone have been through this? How it end? Anything to suggest me? I really need help....

Okay, so, I'm 17 in highschool and it's my final year—my senior year. I'm graduating next month, go me, it's been really hard but who hasn't it been hard for.
Anyways. My whole family is attending the graduation, and then some, including my grandma. A few days ago, she gave me this little gift for graduation—a clip on keychain pendant with her face in the middle. It's not ugly, there's not anything necessarily wrong with it—but I don't wanna wear it on my cap. Of course, when I received the gift, I told her it was beautiful and thanked her for it.
Today, my mom brought it in from the car and asked me why I left it in the car. The truth was, I forgot it, but she started accusing me of not wanting to wear it on my cap. And that's true, but not because I don't love my grandmother? This sounds so ridiculous, but I just want a sleek look for graduation. I don't wanna customize it, or anything. And I understand I should probably just suck it up, but I feel this sense of defensiveness. It's my graduation, I paid my own graduation fees, and I don't wanna alter anything.
She didn't take it well? Apparently she told my grandmother, and she's been pretty upset. I'm willing to wear it anyways if she's really that hurt, but would I be the asshole if I get defensive over this?

This is a really long story, me 19m and my ex gf 19f were madly in love in highschool. We had a decent relationship it was both our first real one so it was a little rocky at times we had our fights but nothing we couldn’t get over. That all changed one day. Spring break of my junior year she went on a trip to the beach while I was in Mexico. She had told me it was just her and her mom and 3 of her friends. Little did I know she invited 3 of our shared guy friends out to it as well and they kept that secret from me. She ended up cheating on me with one of them and it completely destroyed me. I couldn’t stand to be with her as I still loved her but she hurt me to deep. 2 years later we end up at the same college and are still very in love with each other. We had a fling and it was very intense in love and hate. I was still so frustrated and there was night where I was very drunk we were arguing and the cheating was brought up and I was really angry about it still and I hit her. I blacked out after I slapped her and I woke up thinking it was just the one slap but according to her it was much worse. I slapped her multiple times and shoved her. I feel awful tilll this day. We still stayed togethor kinda and one day she said she needed time to heal and I understood. We srilll love each other and she wants to talk when she is ready. I want my life with this woman but maybe we r not meant for each other. We bring the best and worst out of each other. Do I wait for her or give up. I’ve made multiple post about my abusive behavior Ik I need therapy and plan on reaching treatment. I don’t need to be bashed about it anymore as she doesn’t need to be bashed about her cheating anymore. Just need advice on if this is worht working through as we both believe we are each other love of our lives. It’s just really complicated. Her parents worked through cheating and my parents worked through abuse. So we both know it is possible but is it worth it ?

A, B, C and D.
I want to start with the one I want to kill or beat up the most: A. He is a pro football player, and that's kind of where the problem begins. When we were in the same class my whole life, he always yelled at me whenever we played football, ever since elementary school. He is also (for some reason) the highlight of the class, like for every single girl. He even had his first kiss under a desk in kindergarten. Not that I have a problem with that; the girls are all his, I don't even want a girlfriend. But what I don't get is how every single girl STILL likes and praises him despite him always humiliating, teasing, and sometimes even hitting some of them, yet none of those girls can even stand sitting next to me (especially B, but I'll get to her later). It's like it has become a standard for every girl to not like me. They say they don't hate me and I'm just being dramatic, but I'm pretty sure of the truth; most of them dislike me, don't even respect me. Anyways, back to A. Its almost a part of his daily life to make fun of me or swearing at me. All i did was wear a lumberjack shirt on top of my school uniform and he still sweared at me about it. (Something like ''fuck your clothing'' as the google translate says) he occasinally pushes me out of the way, my fatass ''friend'' pushed me so i leaned against a side to avoid hitting his GF (not that i care that she is his girlfriend) and he still yelled something like ''stay away'' like some fucking dog protecting his mate. He always cuts me off when i ask something to the teacher and almost the whole class joins him like some hiveimind. The girls are so OK with him he always had girls following him like some kind of animal's harem before he had a GF ,they even made fun of THE WAY I THOUGHT(like,my hand was on my chin.), i also call the ones on his tails whores. My hate for him is so strong i get past kill/torture him, i sometimes want to push him to the ground and r@pe him so i can give him a trauma that he will never forget, ruining his life and maybe even suiciding if im lucky (or unlucky). Im trying not to give in,but if i ever did something like that and if someone asked if i regret it,i would probably say ''i would do it again if i had they gave me the chance to go to the past''. Everytime i see him walking down stairs,i want to kick his back,slam his head against the wall until his face bled. İ want to put him down on his knees and hold him by his hair on the streetcar rails,because that way,i would both suicide and also kill him,it would be pure bliss for a few seconds. But i get sad every time i remember that murder is obviously illegal,and it wouldnt be worth burning my life...i also think about if its actually worth it cause, i dont have much dreams,i want to be a simple cashier,not much would change the world if i died,but if i killed him or he died in some way,i would be eternally happy. He is probably one of the,if not the worst, of this list of people,i wanna strangle him to death.
Now for B, she has blue hair and trains in muay thai, she even joins tournaments, but she is half my height and weight, im pretty sure i could beat her up,but i dont want to let my ego get in the way. Anyways now for why i hate her. She is fucking annoying. She ALSO cuts my sentences to make fun of me, she would never sit down with me, she calls me weird, she mentions that has nothing to do with the topic while arguing with me, like the time she made fun of the pose i made for the school album where all the boys are in a single pic.(The pose was me leaning one one of my waist while putting my hand on the opposite side o fmy waist while doing the peace sign, which,sure,its funny,but not an excuse to make fun of me) I always regret the time when she punched my stomach and ran away to her desk. All i did was just raise my leg and slowly ''stomp'' her on the chest,which only just leaved a print of dust on her. If i could go to past,i would definetly beat the shit out of her. She also almost punched me just because i called her adolescent (everyone calls her that btw,she tried to hit JUST me) but i thankfully caught her fist in the air. The teacher of course warned her,but im sure as hell they wouldnt *just* warn me if i hit her,its just general teacher treatment. Anyways long story short,i hate her as much as A,if somehow not more. The things i wanna do to her are the same as A, torture,murder,beating up and rarely even r@pe blah blah.
Now C. He is...a bit egoistic, he will point and laugh at me, but uses force even if i call him a nickname everyone calls him. He even threatened me in elemantary school to join him in being naughty. The intimading about him is well,he is pretty muscly and also grew up in a bit of dangerous streets. He is usually cool but he is one of the people who always keep up with the making fun of me everytime i get a random boner trend (everyone in this list,except B keeps this up btw). Overall i still wanna kill him etc etc, the same.
D. D is...also loved by everyone but me.He also makes fun of me, like saying they will beat me up in highschool for random fucking reasons thats none of his business (Dumb shit like me liking old things btw). I think he is probably the weakest out of this bunch (or maybe B, idk). He studies all day (his mom kinda forces him to) but that doesnt justify his actions like slapping my cheeks (both kind of cheeks,yes). He is also weirdly handsome and kind of a soft. The same thing goes for him too. Murder, beating up, torture, r@pe etc.
Anyways,long story short,these are people that i wouldnt be sad at if they died or got hurt. Also the people who i would love to hurt if it was legal. But, yknow, my hate for A,or any of these people, teaches me something. No matter how much of an asshole you are, no matter what you do,if you are popular for a good reason, you will always be the one winning, its just the way society works. And honestly,classmates like these make me understand some school shooters and why they do it, of course, im not saying its justifyed at all, its one of the stupidest things to do,but i kinda have those thoughts too. Last words: I hope every one of these people i counted above a very unpleasent life and death,they ruined the most active moments of my life,puberty,and further boosted my sadness and p*rn addiction.

I (21 F) am the oldest of 7 siblings with the same mom and dad. For the purpose of privacy im going to replace the names of each sibling with their birth order number and my parents as mom and dad.
My family are west african muslim immigrants. Growing up I was mainly responsible for my siblings #2,3,&4. I picked them up from school, made their food, and responsible for their general wellbeing since my parents were rarely home from work. When my parents were home, they were physically and verbally abusive.
My sophmore year of highschool #5 was born and me and my sibling called acs on our parents. I also came out as athiest at this time. The next few years were rocky but my parents had to take therapy and counseling. Currently, they are better parents and no longer abusive. #6 and #7 were born after the acs case.
Current situation: #3 is heading off to college and my parents want her to stay close to home, i am encouraging her to go out-of-state. #4 wants to go to culinary school and my parents dont like that but i am encouraging her to stay. They also want to send #4 to a religious school in Egypt which is am completely against because #4 is currently a sophmore in high-school.
Today my mother had a discussion with me saying that i needed to stay in my place as a sister and not interfere between my parents and my siblings. She also said that my discussions with my siblings were giving them anxiety. None of my siblings have mentioned this to me as of yet. I see from her pov how this would make me the AH.
From my pov, i understand that my siblings as individuals are different from what my parents want in terms of religion and practice and what they want for their future. Additionally growing up I was raised where i was punished for my siblings mistakes as the eldest and was constantly told i was responsible for them. It hurts being told that i am a detriment to my siblings however i do know that my parents are pretty close minded when it comes to the things my siblings want to do. Like my siblings want to go out of state for college, do study abroad summer programs, and go out during the summer. All things my parents disapprove of.
In conclusion, AITAH for giving my siblings that contradict what my parents want for their kids.

I’m (18M) strongly considering outing the double life I’ve been living to my parents. I’m going through a rough time, in which my ex broke up with me because of mistakes I made, I apologized and tried to get her back, and asked to take her out on a date in 3 months to which she said she’s open to it, but I wrote this poem (about how it’s admirable to love even though heartbreak is common) that I put on my story for her to read (story instead of directly to her because she said she wants to keep her distance), and she had a negative reaction to it given that she removed me from her private instagram. She also was reposting stuff about how niggas ain’t shit and love-bombing. I messed up by even trying to indirectly say how I was feeling to her. I should’ve just kept my distance, but I can’t take back the past. In addition to this, my sister stopped attending meetings, and my parents don’t want me or my sibling to go to her house anymore or keep more than basic contact with her. I’m at a crossroad in which I don’t want to be a part of the religion, but I also don’t want to hurt anymore people I love. I hurt my ex, and I don’t also want to hurt my mom, who feels like she’s basically lost my sister. I know I need a therapist, but I struggle to bring it up to my parents. It hurts, and I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing my ex made me realize that I need to stop being so dependent on others. I felt like she was the only one who understood me, but I was wrong. I feel like just pouring out everything to my parents, but I don’t want to lose them, or make them tighten their grasps on me and try to force me even more to be a JW. I used to rarely cry, but now I cry in the shower often. I feel like I lost one half of my life, and I’m not happy in this half of my life that I’m currently in. It feels like if I got my ex back everything would be alright, but I know that even if she did (not likely), the mindset I currently have isn’t right.

For some background on her amd our relationship: My mom is 40 and I'm 22yo. She didn't take much part in raising me and dropped out of highschool (I'm blamed for this) even though she had more support than most from friends and family. She cheated on my father and refused to let me have any relationship with him until I was 13 and she went to court for child support. She has never kept a steady job and tends to just stop showing up which ultimately gets her fired. She has very bad credit because she won't pay off her cards or loans properly, would scam insurance agencies for car insurance, and has had many cars repossessed after refusing monthly payments. She is a drug addict and never lives alone, always mooching off some new "boyfriend" of hers and then leaves them when they no longer benefit her. She was kicked out of my family's home when I was 16 for threatening my family on Christmas. Fast forward to the identity theft portion. I started receiving a couple of letters from 2 different banks saying that I had opened up accounts with them. I had not and when I called they didn't really offer me any solutions. So I forgot about this. Months later I received mail saying one of the accounts had closed due to inactivity. I recently got rejected from a job based on my credit report and found that on 2 separate occasions in the last 6 years that my SSN was reported with addresses that were not mine, but HERS. On my credit report there was also another separate address that was reported with no seeming credit inquiry, but still listed with my name attached. I also never lived there, but she did. I was able to call TransUnion and have them remove from my report and add a ledger with my address so no credit could be linked or approved unless the mail was sent to my family home. I'm at a loss. I have good credit and the last thing I need is her screwing it up or connecting me with whatever credit crimes she could/will end up committing.
So am I the asshole if I call the social security administration and file a case against her for identity theft and fraud? I cant deal with her messing with my life more than she has already. She commits crimes left and right and is a narcissistic manipulator but expects nothing to ever happen to her. I'm tired of her being free to do this to me and others.
Another note: I have 2 younger brothers she claims as dependents on her taxes for more money even though she has never taken any care of them and claims her legal address as mine, though it hasn't been in 6 years. I'm afraid one day she's going to take advantage of them the same way she's done to me.

I have these doc martins my mom got in a thrift store in Highschool! She’s 33 now but we can’t find them anywhere! I’d like some help :) these are not the original laces!
Boot image 1 Boot image 2 including the tag
We think it’s from the 90s but not too sure! I wear them daily and I’m just itching to know >:)