I lost my grandpa. My relationship with my family is complicated but he was the only person who never hurt me. Some of my earliest and happiest memories include him. He was always excited to see me, we had inside jokes, we were bonded.
A lot of traumatic things happened in our family within two years and they always came to a head around my birthday. My family is also extremely religious and I have been a quiet atheist for a decade. We haven't openly discussed this.
My Papa died 3 days before my birthday. My family held his funeral on my birthday because of the church schedule. They asked if it was okay and I said yes, but what else was I supposed to say? They also included a memory at the end of his obituary about holding hands and listening to his dying wish to see his grandchildren in heaven again. They asked me to read a poem and I somehow made it through it. It was a hard day. The people who paid their respects at his viewing the day before were posting cheerful messages on my social media wishing me a happy birthday. I said goodbye to him.
I've repressed all of this. I feel guilty because being so upset about a birthday is silly in the big picture. I think what has been most difficult has been the passive aggressive cruelness of this all. The antidote in his obituary felt targeted; maybe I'm taking it personally when I shouldn't be.
His birthday was months later. I live almost 2 hours away. They told me about and invited me to the family get together they were having for it the day before.
I'm only just now beginning to process his death. I've lost a significant amount of weight and had to make adjustments to the medications I'm taking to manage my mental health. I've been dreaming of him. I want to hug every man that even slightly reminds me of him. He was my anchor to my family and I'm feeling really alone. I don't feel safe enough to process this with my family. And it feels too late to reach out to anyone else about it. I've never faced a loss this significant before.
I think I just needed to vent. I feel guilty for a lot of the feelings I'm having because I think they are selfish.

I’ve decided to rewatch every Amazing Race and rank them all.
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SEASON 24 (ALL STARS) gets a 6/10
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This is probably one of the most frustrating seasons! It looked like very little effort was put into the returnee cast, the route, the challenges, leg designs and even editing/storylines were inconsistent. However…it usually wasn’t boring! There was some drama (some of it a bit annoying though), there was the charm of seeing returnees (I do love the appeal of All Star seasons), and a season with Rachel Reilly is never boring! So I find it similar to the Family Edition in that it has lots of flaws but is generally entertaining enough to enjoy. So it gets a 6 because it was still enjoyable (but is obviously ranked near the bottom).
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Theme

• This is the 3rd returnee season (after TAR11 All Stars, TAR18 Unfinished Business and now TAR24 All Stars). An All Star season is meant to be the “best of the best” and this season consisted of returnees from TAR18-TAR23 only as well as some 3-time players. Also no winners and some early boots, so it actually feels more like Unfinished Business 2 rather than All Stars 2. I love returnee seasons and seeing entertaining past players interact and you feel invested in them in episode 1 (most seasons take a few episodes to become invested in the cast). However it was the weakest Amazing Race returnee cast by far.
  
• Now to judge the returnee cast. Out of the 2-time players, you had 4 fantastic choices (Natalie/Nadiya, Leo/Jamal, BoppeMark, Brendan/Rachel) and 4 terrible choices (Dave/Connor, John/Jessica, Joey/Meghan, Caroline/Jennifer, all from TAR22 haha). Dave/Connor more suited an Unfinished Business season. I wouldn’t even mind if they just slotted Dave/Connor into a regular season with 10 other newbie teams like Bruce in Survivor 45 (rather than wasting a precious All Stars slot). They’re nothing special - they just raced 4 legs and got medevaced so they wouldn’t be too out of place on a regular season. I even said Eric/Danielle from TAR11 could have raced on a regular season too. Not using an Express Pass (John/Jessica) is NOT a reason to be on All Stars (also not that interesting), Joey/Meghan were only back because of their YouTube fame (also not that interesting), and Caroline/Jennifer are there for the hot girl team quota (and AGAIN not that interesting). The main criteria should be ENTERTAINMENT and these 4 were NOT.
  
• Out of the 3-time players, Jet/Cord were a good choice being such a fan favourite (despite being very overrated), Margie/Luke are always a fascinating team to watch so they were fine, but Flight Time/Big Easy weren’t needed for a 3rd time. They were fine in TAR15 but were just okay in TAR18 so I don’t see anything new they could bring really. So many better 3-time choices. And lastly you have the Mark/Mallory hybrid which I’m actually not too negative on (Mallory is also a 3-timer). Ideally they should have put on an alternate team when Bopper couldn’t race but I think Mark/Mallory had potential for entertainment and a fascinating storyline. Very different from Eric/Danielle’s situation because Mark AND Mallory were both popular characters.
  
• I personally don’t mind 3-timers if it will improve the cast but I know many fans would prefer to stick with just 2-time players for fairness. But I don’t believe any combination of 2-timers would have made this a good cast, with fans suggesting Andy/Tommy, Jaymes/James, Pam/Winnie, Max/Katie, Abbie/Ryan etc. Let’s be honest - these teams would not have dramatically improved the quality of the cast! They should have either waited a few seasons or just go all out and try to replicate Survivor Heroes vs Villains (regarded as one of the best All Star seasons of Reality TV) - it had winners, lots of 3-timers, classic players and no weak links in the cast. While I believe TAR24 was too soon for an All Stars, Survivor Heroes vs Villains was also “too soon” (only 4 seasons after Fans vs Favorites) but good casting made it a legendary season. 3-timers and winners are not necessarily a bad thing!
  
• So this is who I would have picked (I believe just go all out and get the biggest stars and characters possible) = I would have only picked 4 teams from TAR19-TAR23 (Brendan/Rachel, Natalie/Nadiya, BoppeMark, Leo/Jamal). While Bopper would still have gotten sick, I would have picked another team to replace them rather than Mark/Mallory (maybe Bill/Cathi - arguably the best older team). I would then pick four 3-timers (Jet/Cord, Margie/Luke, Charla/Mirna, Rob/Amber). I would then fill the remaining slots with winners because it would be nice to have the equivalent of a Sandra or Tony from Survivor (2-time winner) - either Rob/Brennan, Chip/Kim, Nat/Kat, Rachel/Dave (if still together), Ernie/Cindy or Nick/Starr. Some other good choices (if the teams above decline) would be Colin/Christie, Eric/Jeremy, Oswald/Danny, Joe/Bill, Dustin/Kandice, Kynt/Vyxsin, Zev/Justin or any winners. Also Brook/Claire and Tim/Marie but they declined and could have considered Amani/Marcus who also declined.
  

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General Thoughts

• This season didn’t have many boring sections but felt like an unsatisfying mess. The choice of returnees was frustrating and then you had 2 of the “underwhelming choices” be the top 2, Natalie/Nadiya going 1st was a huge loss, Mark/Mallory damaging the reputations was disappointing (but good TV), the 3-timers didn’t do much this time and then mixed with the poor route and challenges. The Accidental Alliance vs The Brenchels was a big storyline at the end and while that drama was “better than nothing”, it also came across as annoying (similar to Brandy vs Caite in TAR16). I like returnee seasons, and I believe this would rank lower if they were all new teams. For example I enjoyed watching John/Jessica, Margie/Luke and Flight Time/Big Easy because I knew their history, but would be boring if I didn’t know their backstories.
  
• The editing and storylines also seemed off. You had multiple teams together at the Spanish steps challenge and then a foot race to the pit stop yet it didn’t feel as tense as it should have been. They also had Brendan/Rachel almost missing a flight in leg 5 as well as a train in leg 6 and they both lacked suspense (editing is the issue). Also while I liked Brendan/Rachel this season, their storyline was all over the place. Rachel started as wanting to redeem herself with a few positive moments (not stressing, helping Luke) but then later became hated by every team and had some meltdowns. The redemption storyline was just dropped. The same thing with Dave/Connor who were meant to be super sweet but the editing made them annoying and self righteous. Even the Accidental Alliance drama seemed to be dropped at the end where Brendan/Rachel were interacting with the other teams like nothing happened. This is also the first season to cut the intro for several episodes. So mostly entertaining but some unsatisfying storylines and editing choices.
  
• Dave/Connor are 2 of the more unique winners, as opposed to the “dull” Jason/Amy and Bates/Anthony type winners. The first parent/child winners, the oldest individual to win, and had a great story of being medevaced the first time and returning to win. Some find them likeable, some find them annoying, but I prefer them to a team we don’t care about at all. I probably would have preferred a Leo/Jamal win or the craziness of a Brendan/Rachel win…but it was an okay result but not great.
  

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Route

• This season had a terrible route! No new countries (besides 1 task in Wales), only 3 continents, lots of double legs in 1 country (first 8 legs were 2 legs in China, 2 legs in Malaysia, 2 legs in Sri Lanka, 2 legs in Italy) and lots of simple city legs that look like post-Covid routes (Leg 2 for example looked like it only took teams less than 2 hours to complete and the pit stop was like 20 mins away from the previous one). Apparently a lot of legs were designed last minute which I understand. Besides the Family Edition, I think TAR21’s route was worse though because TAR24 had slightly more iconic sites (Canton Tower, Petronus Towers, Coliseum and Spanish steps, Mount Titlus, first visit to Wales, Las Vegas strip) and a bit of a variety with snow, rainforests, cities etc. Terrible starting line at that college - a starting line isn’t a huge deal but it does get you hyped when it’s at an epic location (like next season’s Times Square).
  
• A lot of the challenges were also very cheap looking and simple for an All Stars. Challenges like operating a remote controlled chariot and shaving a balloon look very underwhelming. Not many challenges stood out besides pouring the drinks/DJ Detour (a fantastic Detour) and remembering the Welsh poem. They should have just resorted to Switchbacks of classic destinations and challenges as that would suit an All Star season. And some odd choices in regards to predetermined flights (lots of sign-ups for flights rather than flight searching) and Dave/Connor’s 5-8 Road Block distribution didn’t make sense.
  
• This season basically had the same format as the last few seasons which I don’t mind. It brought back the twist where the winner of the Express Pass gives a 2nd one to another team. It was unique this season because for the first time a team gave away the Express Pass at a challenge and basically “burnt it”. Besides that, this season also had 2 Double U-Turns and Speed Bumps. No Fast Forwards which is a shame because I think it adds something slightly interesting to those episodes. Only the 3rd season to not have a Fast Forward.
  

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Cast Ranking
1.Brendan/Rachel - they carried this season! Rachel started out as not wanting to be her old emotional self and was a lot less whinier than TAR20 (although I preferred her meltdowns honestly haha). She had a “heroic” edit where she prayed rather than getting stressed out - also supported Luke at the cocktails challenge and helped Brendan get through the plate spinning. However they are also responsible for the biggest drama of the season - U-Turning Dave/Connor and the “We hate the Brenchels” storyline. Once again Rachel has most of the cast hating her…and I love it! Rachel then reverted back to her old crying self in the last 3 legs with meltdowns at the bulls, crying at the Wellington toss and picking fights in the finale. So still crazy, still got her sequins, fell over a few times haha, bizarre lines (saying “I want to win to get a baby” over and over haha) and provided the drama and laughs that this season needed.

1. Dave/Connor - the rivals of the Brenchels and made the next biggest impact! They seemed very sweet and relatable like at the disco “We’re just 2 Mormon boys from Salt Lake City” haha and I liked their sweet bond with Caroline/Jennifer where they let them step on the mat in front of them. But they also feel annoying and entitled. Dave mentioned his achilles A LOT, Dave complained about his age A LOT ("Yeah outrunning an old man", “U-Turning a 60 year old man” and “This is a young person’s game”), complained about Brenchels A LOT and they seemed very self righteous over the U-Turn. Their involvement in the Accidental Alliance came across as childish rather than noble, “That snotty woman! She’s scary looking!” So I'm not sure if they were meant to be likeable or not - they sort of sucked a lot of the fun out of the season honestly. But a decent redemption for them and they made a decent impact and got us talking.
   
2. Leo/Jamal - still fun and likeable with some sneaky moments but more toned down than last time. A few cheeky moments like “We love you Connor, we love you Connor” when he finished the sewing (hoping for help), but then “I’m kidding, I don’t” after they left. Strategic again like when they wanted to lie to Jet/Cord at one stage but didn’t because they wanted to avoid the U-Turn this time. Made the smart decision rather than the emotional one when U-Turning the threats Jet/Cord. Unfortunately finished in 4th place again.
   
3. Jet/Cord - the cowboys are “back in the saddle”! Another likeable team but I found Leo/Jamal more interesting. They were “threats” again, “We’re like butter, we’re on a roll” when coming in 1st haha and also worked alone again “We’re used to being the lone rangers”. I sort of liked how they didn’t join in on the Brenchel drama. Still find them a bit overrated but I know a lot of viewers enjoyed seeing them again.
   
4. Caroline/Jennifer - were the sweethearts and underdogs who weren’t great racers but slid by each week (and saved by 2 non-eliminations). I thought they were likeable enough, “Who would u-turn Dave/Connor, they’re the sweetest guys…and have great hair” haha Were proud of their flirting again and used it to get an Express Pass off Jet/Cord…and were helped multiple times by Leo/Jamal and Dave/Connor. You don’t need to be a strong “girl power” team…the underdogs who get through by flirting are just as interesting haha But weren’t that great TV honestly….like last time.
   
5. Mark/Mallory - a fascinating dynamic even though most fans didn’t like this hybrid. In a way it did damage the reputation of 2 fan favorites (Mark/Bopper and Gary/Mallory) because they were very negative to one another (Mark refusing to race without the backpack despite having everything he needed, and Mallory seemed uncaring and not taking responsibility) but I enjoyed their drama. I liked how Mallory joked about losing their passport on leg 1…and the foreshadowing. I prefer their messy dynamic rather than them just being nice and boring for 2 legs.
   
6. Natalie/Nadiya - screamed at eachother through the whole 1st episode and I loved every minute they were on screen “It’s in Asian, I can’t read it!” haha They were such a hot mess in their 1 episode and possibly my favourite first boots! This season would have been so much better if we saw them involved in the Brenchel drama later, and I would have loved to see some more crazy moments and seeing them get to visit Sri Lanka.
   
7. Margie/Luke - the last 4 didn’t really contribute much this season. These 2 are ahead because I always enjoy watching their dynamic with their sweet bond and occasional bickering (nothing bad, just normal healthy struggles). Luke’s sexuality was finally brought up (a nice scene where Luke explains his coming out to Margie) and I liked Margie saying that when Luke pulls her this time, he has to be gentler because she’s older haha Felt very likeable this time, like when they were reflecting on the train ride in Sri Lanka.
   
8. Flight Time/Big Easy - they were fine but didn’t do much this season. They had a nice moment dancing with the locals in Borneo, joking about the Beekmans winning with roller bags, and talking to their wooden donkey when they couldn’t work out what they did wrong. So ultimately a few more fun moments than the 2 ranked below them. Didn’t feel like they wanted to be there as much as previous seasons.
   
9. John/Jessica - didn’t do much this time. They were at the centre of lots of storylines in TAR22 but I think that was just “lucky circumstances” rather than them being big characters. They were just a generic nice couple here. It was nice though seeing Joey/Meghan and John/Jessica helping each other again like last time (and Brendan/Rachel having a random final 3 alliance with them haha). Their only moment here was them working with other teams thinking Caroline/Jennifer were behind them, and losing a footrace.
   
10. Joey/Meghan - Also didn’t do much and the only difference is John/Jessica made it further. Joey just played up to the cameras like last time (screeching “White is not my color” at the wedding dresses) but they were still likeable enough. Their only storyline was Meaghan helping John despite the 2 of them being in last place. So not the smartest move but nice that they still have that friendship.
    

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Leg Rankings
1.Leg 8 - Italy (F6 - Flight Time/Big Easy eliminated) - the most entertaining episode of the season! So much drama going on between all teams and great scenery. Brendan/Rachel U-Turning Dave/Connor…with Dave’s irrational hatred for the rest of the leg plus Brendan/Rachel disagreeing over who to U-Turn. Then Dave/Connor helping Leo/Jamal (despite U-Turning them too and calling it a “blessed u-turn” haha). Decent challenges - racing donkeys (teams falling off especially Rachel, and the donkey struggling with Big Easy haha), building a wooden donkey (teams not using the box as part of it, many switches) and writing the Ancient manuscript (dull but some teams still struggled and was made better with Dave not accepting an apology and later mocking Brendan/Rachel). Rachel was hilarious “They can’t get me in a place of worship” haha Also had Dave/Connor and Caroline/Jennifer working together (with Dave/Connor accidentally losing them just like Bates/Anthony did) and just a good mix of fun and drama! Not for everyone, but I liked it.

1. Leg 4 - Malaysia (F8 - Non elimination) - fantastic, especially the Kuala Lumpur section at the end. The beginning in Kota Kinabalu had the trampoline challenge which had Jessica struggling and injuring her foot and Rachel having to take off her pantyhose because she was slipping haha But Kuala Lumpur had the Petronus Towers and Batu Caves, a night leg plus a fantastic Detour (if you ignore that it was impossible for Luke to do the DJ routine). Pouring the cocktails and the DJ routine had lots of teams struggling with placement shifts from the flights (one of my favorite Detours). Luke has a meltdown and smashes the glasses (Margie yelling like a mother to pick them up haha) and Rachel of all people calms him down. 3 hours later Brendan/Rachel pray and have a very positive edit and music (and don’t accept Margie/Luke’s offer for both to take a penalty) and a great ending between these 2. Loved the music and close up of Rachel’s cross haha Would be the best leg of the season if the whole leg was in Kuala Lumpur.
   
2. Leg 2 - China (F10 - Mark/Mallory eliminated) - it looked like a cheap Covid leg but pretty exciting overall. Some great drama with Mallory forgetting Mark’s bag and arguing about going back for it, “People from Kentucky don’t act this way” and Mark being like “I don’t have much and I mean nothing to her”. A trainwreck but can’t stop watching! Jet/Cord walk for a long time and lose their 1st place lead and some okay navigation drama at the start. Building the toy car at “Chuck e Cheese on steroids” was fun - a little girl annoying Flight Time, Meghan helping her ally John (despite being last), and especially Caroline struggling and Jen managing to get the Express Pass off Jet/Cord, “I knew I’d get it off him” hehe. The featherball was also fun with all teams so close together, and Mark/Mallory just not working well together at all. No team chose the massage, and I don’t mind watching teams in pain haha but I prefer skill based challenges so I don’t mind. 7 teams then check in together at the pit stop together. Very fun and fast paced!
   
3. Leg 11 - England/Wales (F4 - Leo/Jamal eliminated) - was decent and felt competitive enough but not as top tier as past final 4’s - mediocre tasks for a final 4 elimination and not many storylines but not too dull. Soccer task was ok but nothing special, shooting the clay pigeons/tossing wellingtons was terrible (still felt tense though at the end…and I guess it made Rachel crack), but I really enjoyed remembering the Welsh poem on the aqueduct (good scenery, cultural and challenging). The costumes and castle looked nice - “we’re in Downton Abbey” and Rachel finally has a TAR20 type meltdown when she picks the wrong size shoe and cries like a child (the foreshadowing at the start when Rachel says “I’m proud that I haven’t freaked out yet”). Placement shifts, self driving, Rachel meltdowns are always a positive for me, and actually had a strange positive edit where the final 4 were getting along. So still enjoyable overall and a sad ending for Leo/Jamal. Just needed a few better challenges, especially the Detour at the end.
   
4. Leg 7 - Italy (F7 - John/Jessica eliminated) - a good enough leg but would rank higher if it had bigger moments or storylines. It had the Coliseum, many teams together at the final puzzle (Roman Numerals) which is always a plus (Flight Time hilariously having no clue how to do it, Rachel not helping teams, and Leo/Jamal strategically helping last place teams)…and a foot race for last with teams thinking Caroline/Jennifer were behind. However the challenges were embarrassingly bad - remote controlled chariots seemed so silly and out of place (feels very inauthentic to the Ancient Roman theme), the gladiator routine was silly, and counting the Spanish steps wasn’t that hard as long as a local could tell you the Roman Numerals. Finding the site of the “unhappy Roman holiday” had some difficulties, Rachel thinking the “eternal city” is Ethiopia for some reason haha and while the detours were silly, they had some funny struggles with Leo “I watched all 4 seasons of Spartacus”. And of course a very close finish!
   
5. Leg 9 - Switzerland (F5 - Non elimination) - challenges were okay and nice Swiss scenery…but very big on the “We hate Brenchels” drama! I don’t mind it but can understand why some may find it annoying this episode. The “Accidental Alliance” is created on the train with teams mocking Rachel’s “I want to race around the world with my best friend” haha. And celebrate getting to clueboxes before Brendan/Rachel, helping one another “their family” and also complaining about them A LOT! Cleaning the room was okay as an attention to detail task and Jet was like “Now my wife knows I can clean”, and Helga “Figure it out!” was a great judge! Working out that the object is a drillbit for a tunnel plus the Mustang Puzzle were nice simple tasks - Rachel thinking it’s a wheel haha and Dave/Connor giving their allies answers. Delivering the milk through the snow at the end was a bit dull besides Brendan writing “TAR24 WINNERS BRENCHEL” on the gondola haha So just an okay leg but depends whether you like the “We hate the Brenchels” storyline.
   
6. Leg 6 - Sri Lanka (F7 - Non elimination) - another “okay” leg. Started strong with the tuk tuk Road Block - Rachel was fantastic screaming “GREEN GREEN GREEN” but her colours being wrong (her ally John eventually helps her). Lots of fun chaos with everyone manhandling tuk tuks “I was booty bumping rickshaws out of the way” haha But then there’s a train equaliser and delivering logs with an elephant/make paper from elephant dung was boring (and arguably animal cruelty making the elephant do that). “You’re only as fast as your big fat elephant”. They’re okay cultural tasks but not that difficult or interesting besides a few bubbles when making the paper. Nothing much happens besides some foot races - Jet/Cord vs Leo/Jamal “It’s Indians vs. Cowboys! And the Indians are WINNING!” haha and also Dave whining that John/Jessica outrun him “Yeah beat the old man”. The tuk tuk segment was a highlight of this season and it’s unfortunate that there was an equaliser and that the 2nd half dragged.
   
7. Leg 10 - Spain (F5 - Jet/Cord eliminated) - felt like a bit of a cheap and underwhelming final 5 elimination leg with some really silly challenges - shaving a balloon and running with bull costumes. A bit of the Brenchel drama (Dave saying the U-Turn was “kind of inappropriate” when it really wasn’t haha and “Dave/Connor are the sweetest guys on the planet”). Leo/Jamal decide to U-Turn Jet/Cord instead of Brendan/Rachel…but not that interesting “There’s only room for two cowboys on this race and it’s Leo and Jamal! Yeehaw!” Haha Shaving the balloon was terrible, nothing much from the flamenco dance, delivering the hams was a boring and generic Speed Bump, and the bull costumes were silly but at least had some fun moments - Rachel was hilarious as always getting knocked around like crazy saying the bulls were ”bullies”, Dave complaining “I’m an old matador”, Jet/Cord missing parts of the phrase, plus Jamal’s knee injury. It wasn’t necessarily too boring which is why it isn’t ranked lower.
   
8. Leg 1 - China (F11 - Natalie/Nadiya eliminated) - was terribly designed! The challenges were finding the Chinese symbols on the band members (very quick and forgettable starting line task), finding wedding dresses (had an okay navigational element and the only decent task), the Canton Tower bubbles (luck based and terrible) and summersaults (terrible, impossible to fail, too tame of a height challenge for All Stars, Caroline “Flight Time looks like a sexy piece of spinning meat”). Natalie/Nadiya were fantastic entertainment and saved this episode from being terrible by yelling “YOU IDIOT” and “I TOLD YOU” over and over (and even argue over who is doing the Road Block). “Those are Chinese flags, not race flags you lunatic!” It also had Bopper’s medevac which was a dramatic start and it’s nice seeing all the returnees bantering with one another (Brenchel army at the airport and Natalie/Nadiya joking about Rachel’s crying). But not much content besides Twinnie craziness, Jet/Cord dominating, and teams struggling to find the wedding dresses.
   
9. Leg 12 - USA (F3 - Finale) - for a finale, let alone the All Stars finale, the challenges were too easy - digging for a chest (boring), David Copperfield routine (impossible to fail and only designed to show off David Copperfield), putting lightbulbs in the Mirage sign (not challenging and only designed to show off Las Vegas) and looking for the neon sign in the helicopteskydive (didn’t look that hard to find). Very unsatisfying. But it wasn’t too boring with some minor drama with Brendan/Rachel and Caroline/Jennifer having a fight at customs (not caught on camera so just explained through talking) and there’s some arguing while digging for the chest (throwing sand in each other’s holes). Plus Brendan screaming at a taxi “We’re in a race so we can have a baby” haha plus Brendan/Rachel lost in a hotel that Rachel once worked at. And to be fair, it was very close between Dave/Connor and Caroline/Jennifer - sprinting to the final clue and waiting to see who skydived first. And a night leg in Las Vegas was a great idea…just terribly designed!
   
10. Leg 5 - Sri Lanka (F8 - Margie/Luke eliminated) - unfortunately a dull leg because Margie/Luke were an obvious elimination. It did have some great airport scrambles which is always welcome in the modern era (Brendan/Rachel taking a risk on a short connection and Margie/Luke failing to get on standby). Sewing the t-shirt had potential to be a tough interesting challenge…but needed to have all teams together. Several teams struggled, teams worked together (Jessica and Brendan, as well as Connor helping a struggling Jennifer) and Big Easy really struggled “If I have to sew something I’ll just ask my fiancé or my mother…or just buy something new” haha and Flight Time just shows off his basketball skills. The fishing had to be one of the dullest challenges ever and balancing the plates wasn’t much better (although Rachel is the one telling Brendan to calm down here). Printing the t-shirts was also a boring Speed Bump. Margie/Luke are way behind and have a nice scene enjoying the Sri Lankan train ride, but not much excitement.
    
11. Leg 3 - Malaysia (F9 - Joey/Meghan eliminated) - was terribly designed - boring challenges (repelling down a waterfall, delivering goods, blowdart) and separating the flights by 3 hours just didn’t make sense as there was little drama for the top 6…and then 3 teams far behind. And flight scrambles are always better than sign-ups. The top 6 just went through three tasks robotically, and even the bottom 3 had little drama or stress. I guess there was a bit of a storyline about the Brenchel army being the bottom 3 and facing the fact one of the friends will go. But Joey/Meghan are obvious boots after struggling to find a taxi. The only interesting parts were the rafts falling apart in the rapids and Rachel repelling in her underwear so her sequins don’t get wet “God forbid she lose some sequins along the way” haha The promos really hyped up the dangerous rapids and they were fine for that short segment but no drama came from them in the episode.
    

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Summary
Not a great season but I feel gets unfair hate (just like the Family Edition which also had bad leg designs, bad route, drama that some found annoying). I don’t think it was terrible as most legs had things happening that made each one interesting enough. Everyone vs Brenchels was similar to Everyone vs Weavers (had some interesting aspects, better than nothing, but was a bit annoying at times). The cast, route and challenges were unsatisfying but entertainment is most important to me and this season was usually not boring. TAR8 and TAR24 had similar weaknesses/frustrations so I’m ranking them together. I enjoyed TAR24 slightly more but I could see TAR24 getting a 5 or less if it wasn’t a returnee season, as it had some similarities to TAR16 (many teams were compelling because of their history rather than things they did on this season).
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So after each season I will place it on a ranking:
1.TAR5 - 10/10

1. TAR3 - 10/10
   
2. TAR12 - 9/10
   
3. TAR17 - 9/10
   
4. TAR18 - 9/10
   
5. TAR2 - 8/10
   
6. TAR7 - 8/10
   
7. TAR20 - 8/10
   
8. TAR11 - 8/10
   
9. TAR13 - 8/10
   
10. TAR6 - 8/10
    
11. TAR10 - 7/10
    
12. TAR22 - 7/10
    
13. TAR14 - 7/10
    
14. TAR1 - 7/10
    
15. TAR9 - 7/10
    
16. TAR21 - 6/10
    
17. TAR15 - 6/10
    
18. TAR23 - 6/10
    
19. TAR4 - 6/10
    
20. TAR24 - 6/10
    
21. TAR8 - 6/10
    
22. TAR19 - 5/10
    
23. TAR16 - 5/10
    

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I don't have the lyrics
Giving up my gift to write a chorus
Pushed through spaghetti strainer
I can't shake the exhaustion in my bones
All the weight in my soul
There is no poem
I don't have the muscle for a gesture
The mental for something clever
It actually is forever
This feeling
Consistent loss
Grieving every single day
Like it was only yesterday
And who wants to see the sad sack
Get a life he says to himself
Pull up yer bootstraps lad
And inside the saltwater spills over
"Why?"
Why wake up tomorrow
Why chase a dream or be someone
When all the blood and tears and sweat I'd shed
To be the promised person for the one I love
They won't be there
Look at these graduation caps,
Family and friends and colleagues and professors and lovers and animals and parades
Streamers balloons and champagne and accolades
I did it, I made it through
And not a soul to see it
Just one
I'd have done it all for just one
I should do it all for just myself
I realize how unfair it is to depend
On a love like this
To be codependant
Yuck
Except I am, I always was, I shit myself thinking its how it always will be
A lung I pulled out of myself to give to a stranger
While the love of my life, my entire world and destiny, my only,
Begged for oxygen and life
Is it a wonder I don't want to be alive
I don't think I'll survive
And how can I share this feeling of needing
Without hurting her sprouting above the weeds
Is she thriving, god I pray
I pray she doesn't turn those headlights around
How I wish to be run down by her obsidian blade
Just to see her behind the windshield
Held by another man
I'd say "there she is. There - there she is, on fire on fire on... (you get it.)"
There she is speeding at nine thousand million miles per hour
On her way to conquer andromeda and become its queen
The galaxy in her eyes transferred to mine
Where each speck in the sky belongs to her fingertips
Where constellations whimsical submit to her whim
Where as a starry ocean she carries all life inside of her
Where she'd tumble onto a mattress on a floor in a cheap apartment but it's hers, her own, master of her destiny
Freedom is better than love
Love is as often as a prison as liberation
Zoetrope
It was always unlocked
It was always waiting for me to fly away
Fall for the left hand, palm rising to support
I swallow, I choke
Gold circuit
Fried
Erase me whole turpentine
My shine is never as bright as that pricy diamond
In fact I'm due to wash out with the tide
Just Arcadian driftwood
Who needs second drafts just lie and let my cries fall softly to the ceiling
Little internal slave driver wresting control just to hurt himself but no more
Sleep blind all day and remember
No song sad enough to convey the shock on strange faces
When they learn I lost a long long time ago
The spark for all I'd do no
There is no poem

I tell myself every day
not to love you anymore.
I don't need you in my life.
Because of you, my heart's still sore.
There had been so much between us
and you threw it all away.
Even though I try not to,
I still remember what you'd say:
I was the “love of your life,”
you would never leave me,
“We'll always be together,
forever and eternity.”
I can't believe I fell for that;
I actually believed you.
I also believed you when you said,
“You're the only one I love,” too.
© 2024 Michelle the Poet
From my second book, A Collection of Love and Loss Poems

Hello redditors and fellow writers! I've written quite a bunch of poems over the past few years yet and I'm working on publishing my work. However, as the title states, I have trouble devising the verses.
Here's one example:
"I pick at scars laying on shelves To create wounds for myself I have a desire to burn and destroy I treat every new day like a rotting old toy
When I feel the storm coming for me Do I run or do I let it be?
I read with my eyes gouged out I speak with my mouth sealed shut Im hearing your words with my ears torn I feel you on me, skin to bone
The fires freezing but it grows Ice melts reason and Im left with none
There is no poetry about me in your journal Your camera shutters to capture but I disappear When Im gone, let them have no memory of me
Let my ghost be the shivers on your back The itching in your throat, the fever coming back
Let me be the villain, in all the books for children The reason you go to sleep, and also wake up from it Let me be the scary fable, Haunting and hunting for as long as Im able Let me pass my hurt to you End the niceties through and through
Ive had my battle and i fought But I cant see a merry ending, theres no growth My wings are not of flames, I dont rise from my ashes I create traces of blood and ruin in my pasing I am not a healer, dont let me in through the front door You better lock all windows, let me mourn
I'll disrespect your last dying wish If I cant see any benefits Im a burden you would have to carry I come with warning labels, yet people are not wary Youre being ignorant then complain But it was my purpose to have to see you fail
I havent a choice in my upbringing Responsability's in my hands, I'm fiddling The vase sits pretty on the table, I break it with my voice I try not to doubt the noise But how can I not if it only destroys?
If I hit and run, the loss is in your favour I can feed you dreams but they'll lack flavour I can build you castles but they'll crumble Ask me the reason why, I'll mumble
I can try to keep an image that the frame doesn't hold I can try to wash clothes that are impossible to fold Yet you know the story's ending tragic It still doesn't change when you try to mask it
Let me stay caged or let me be me You can throw away your life or just throw the key"
Could you provide some advice regarding that? I feel as if I were to publish it it wouldn't go through as it doesn't look "professional" enough.

Week 1: Introduction to Poetry and Sonnets
Day 1: Overview of Poetry Styles - Activity: Icebreaker - Introduce yourself through a poetic name acrostic. - Lecture: Brief history of poetry, introduction to various styles. - Discussion: What draws you to poetry? Share your favorite poems.
Day 2: Understanding Sonnets - Activity: Analyze a classic sonnet together. - Lecture: Explanation of sonnet structure (Shakespearean and Petrarchan). - Discussion: Share initial impressions and feelings about sonnets.
Day 3: Writing Exercise - Crafting a Sonnet - Activity: Break down sonnet structure with examples. - Assignment: Write a sonnet exploring a personal experience or emotion. - Vocabulary Words: Quatrain, Couplet, Volta.
Day 4: Peer Review and Feedback - Activity: Peer review workshop for sonnets. - Lecture: Discuss common challenges and strategies in sonnet writing. - Discussion: Share insights gained from reviewing peers' work.
Day 5: Recap and Reflection - Activity: Reflect on the week's lessons and exercises. - Lecture: Overview of upcoming weeks. - Assignment: Write a short reflection on what you've learned about poetry and sonnets.
Study Guide Questions for Week 1: 1. What is the basic structure of a sonnet? 2. Compare and contrast Shakespearean and Petrarchan sonnets. 3. How does the volta contribute to the meaning of a sonnet? 4. Discuss the role of rhyme and meter in sonnets. 5. Explore your personal connection to poetry. What emotions or themes resonate with you?
Quiz: A short quiz assessing understanding of sonnet structure, key terms, and the historical context of poetry.
Week 2: Embracing Haiku and Villanelle
Day 1: Understanding Haiku - Activity: Analyze classic haikus. - Lecture: Explain the traditional structure and themes of haikus. - Discussion: Share thoughts on the simplicity and depth of haikus.
Day 2: Crafting Haikus - Activity: Write haikus individually. - Lecture: Discuss the significance of nature in haikus. - Discussion: Share and discuss individual haikus.
Day 3: Unraveling the Villanelle - Activity: Analyze a famous villanelle. - Lecture: Explore the structure and repetition in villanelles. - Discussion: Discuss the impact of repeated lines on the overall theme.
Day 4: Writing Exercise - Composing a Villanelle - Activity: Break down the process of crafting a villanelle. - Assignment: Write a villanelle on the theme of memory or loss. - Vocabulary Words: Tercet, Refrain, Envoi.
Day 5: Peer Review and Feedback - Activity: Peer review workshop for villanelles. - Lecture: Discuss the challenges and beauty of crafting repetitive forms. - Discussion: Share insights gained from reviewing peers' villanelles.
Study Guide Questions for Week 2: 1. What defines a haiku? Discuss its structure and thematic elements. 2. Explore the cultural significance of nature in haikus. 3. What is the structure of a villanelle, and how does repetition contribute to its impact? 4. Discuss the emotions evoked by repeated lines in a villanelle. 5. Reflect on the process of crafting a villanelle. What challenges did you face?
Quiz: Assessment on the understanding of haikus, villanelles, and the effective use of repetition in poetry.

1. Renga:

- *Definition:* A collaborative form of Japanese poetry, alternating three and two-line stanzas. - *Example:* Collaborate with a friend to create a renga exploring the changing seasons. 

1. Prose Poetry:

- *Definition:* Poetry written in prose form, blurring the lines between poetry and prose. - *Example:* Write a prose poem capturing the essence of a vivid dream or memory. 

1. Concrete Poetry:

- *Definition:* Poems that visually resemble their subject matter, often taking on unique shapes. - *Example:* Create a concrete poem reflecting the theme of unity or disintegration. 

1. Narrative Poetry:

- *Definition:* Poems that tell a story, often with characters and a plot. - *Example:* Craft a narrative poem based on a personal experience or fictional tale. 

1. Pastoral:

- *Definition:* Poetry idealizing rural life, nature, and simplicity. - *Example:* Write a pastoral poem celebrating the beauty of a countryside landscape. 

1. Elegy:

- *Definition:* A poem mourning the loss of someone or something. - *Example:* Compose an elegy reflecting on the passage of time and the inevitability of change. 

1. Aubade:

- *Definition:* A morning poem often focused on the parting of lovers at dawn. - *Example:* Write an aubade exploring the tender moments before sunrise. 

1. Ekphrastic:

- *Definition:* Poetry inspired by or describing a work of art. - *Example:* Craft an ekphrastic poem in response to a painting or sculpture you admire. 

1. Found Poetry:

- *Definition:* Creating poetry by rearranging existing texts or found materials. - *Example:* Create a found poem using newspaper headlines or fragments of a novel. 

1. Epigram:

- *Definition:* A brief, witty, and often satirical poem. - *Example:* Write an epigram commenting humorously on a contemporary social issue. 

1. Imagery: Prompt: Choose a setting (real or imaginary) and describe it using detailed sensory imagery. Imagine the sights, sounds, smells, and textures to create a vivid scene, just like a painter with words.
   
2. Metaphor: Prompt: Compare a personal experience to an everyday object or phenomenon in an unexpected way. For example, "My heart is a compass that always points to the north of your laughter."
   
3. Simile: Prompt: Write a series of similes to express intense emotions. For instance, "As brave as a lion facing the storm, as fragile as a petal in the wind."
   
4. Rhyme: Prompt: Craft a short poem or lyrics with a consistent rhyme scheme. Experiment with different rhyme patterns (ABAB, AABB, etc.) to enhance the musicality of your writing.
   
5. Meter: Prompt: Compose a poem with a specific meter, such as iambic pentameter. Pay attention to the syllabic beats in each line to create a rhythmic flow.
   
6. Alliteration: Prompt: Create a tongue-twisting line using alliteration. Focus on the repetition of initial consonant sounds to add a playful or musical quality to your writing.
   
7. Assonance: Prompt: Write a passage where the vowel sounds within words echo each other. Experiment with different vowel combinations to create a melodic effect.
   
8. Personification: Prompt: Choose an inanimate object and personify it. Describe its actions, thoughts, and emotions as if it were a living being.
   
9. Symbolism: Prompt: Select an object or element and explore its symbolic meaning. Connect it to broader themes or emotions in your writing.
   
10. Enjambment: Prompt: Write a poem where the thoughts flow continuously from one line to the next without a pause. Explore how this technique can create a sense of movement or urgency.
    
11. Repetition: Prompt: Repeat a word or phrase throughout a poem for emphasis. Consider how repetition can enhance the overall impact and meaning of your writing.
    
12. Free Verse: Prompt: Embrace the freedom of expression by writing a poem without adhering to rhyme or meter. Allow your thoughts to flow organically, exploring the beauty of formless verse.
    
13. Stanza: Prompt: Divide your writing into stanzas to create distinct sections with varying themes or tones. Explore how the organization of lines contributes to the overall structure of your work.
    
14. Theme: Prompt: Choose a universal theme (love, loss, freedom, etc.) and explore it through your lyrics. Delve into the nuances and perspectives associated with the chosen theme.
    
15. Tone: Prompt: Write a poem that conveys contrasting tones. Explore how shifts in tone can evoke different emotions and responses from the reader.
    
16. Connotation: Prompt: Select a word with strong connotations and use it in a poem. Explore the emotional baggage and cultural associations tied to the word within the context of your writing.
    
17. Irony: Prompt: Craft a poem with elements of irony. Create situations or lines that convey a meaning opposite to the literal interpretation, adding layers of complexity to your writing.
    
18. Allusion: Prompt: Reference a well-known song, book, or historical event in your lyrics. Explore how the use of allusion can enrich the depth and meaning of your writing.
    
19. Syntax: Prompt: Experiment with sentence structure to create different effects. Play with word order, sentence length, and punctuation to convey specific emotions or rhythms in your writing.
    
20. Diction: Prompt: Choose a specific mood or atmosphere you want to convey and carefully select words that evoke that feeling. Pay attention to the impact of your word choices on the overall tone of your writing.
    

So the EPIC "Dual of the Fates" has some random Sanskrit words that were translated from an ancient Welsh poem about a war between trees. The lyrics are essentially unintelligible, but they are awesome.
Because it's an epic piece of music. I decided to start with an ancient Mesopotamian feel, like the epic of Gilgamesh. John Williams used the word "Dreadful" (Khara) a lot. It is a pretty versatile word and has a lot of synonyms. So here is each verse, split into lines with my own interpretation underneath in quotations: (Bear in mind, I mostly study ancient Hebrew and Greek, so there are a lot of liberties taken with this interpretation:
Dreadful head dreadful speak give
Dreadful speak give battle dreadful
“The master of terror speaks words of dread,
His terrible battle-cry;”
Dreadful raging speak give purify going
Dreadful like taking separate going
“Terrible rage like a furnace purifies,
Terrible loss as they go their separate ways;"
Loss like taking dreadful speak give
Raging like taking dreadful speak give
“Words of grief and loss at the taking of life,
Raging words like a terrible spell are given”
Dreadful separate going dreadful speak give
Dreadful separate going dreadful speak give
"Dreadful the parting, dreadful the speaking,
sorrowful the separation, furious the cries of rage”
Loss like taking dreadful speak give
Raging like taking dreadful speak give
“The defeated one has suffered great loss,
He cries aloud in his rage, imprecations given, threats spoken”
Dreadful
Dreadful head dreadful speak give
Dreadful separate going dreadful speak give
“The master of terror speaks words of dread,
His terrible battle-cry;”
Loss like taking dreadful speak give
Raging like taking dreadful speak give
“Words of grief and loss at the taking of life,
Raging words like a terrible spell are given”
Dreadful"

Now I re-phrased it in the grand style of ancient Mesopotamian epic poetry:
"In the realm of terror, the dread Lord speaks,
His battle cry thunders, a furious tempest seeks.
Like a fiery furnace, his rage will purify all,
As he and his foe part ways, only sorrow's thrall.

Words of lament and loss, like a dirge, resound,
As life is taken, and fate's cruel hand is found.
The vanquished one, with anguish, cries out in pain,
Imprecations and threats, like a curse, remain.

Dreadful the parting, dreadful the words that pass,
Sorrowful the separation, furious the cries that last.
The master of terror speaks, his dread voice booms,
His battle cry echoes, a terrible spell that looms."
Hope you guys like this :)

Being a mood reader is not for the weak. One day, you think you're starting your serious fantasy era but then you see a random WWTBC post about an intriguing MC romance plot ... and two weeks later, you can't stop binge reading every book the author has written.
So, lately I've been going DEEP into the {Ghosttown Riders Series by Amelia Shea} AND its sister series {Ghostown East Series by Amelia Shea} and y'all ... these are SO FUN. ✨
I'd describe these as "MC lite" - meaning that a lot of the most toxic parts of MC culture are smoothed over a bit. Dangerous things and violence happens ... but it's never that serious, nor is it ever really between the MMC and FMC. The MMCs (even the most slutty bikers of the group) fall HEAD OVER HEELS "one-woman for life" for their FMC -- and even those guys that resist it are instantly alpha-roll protector types. And these MMCs are so emo! In every book, the MMC either purposefully or accidentally does something that upsets the FMC (some of it very bad!) ... but oh boy, do these dudes pine and grovel about it immediately after. It's delicious.
Heads up: like a lot of MC romance, there's still a good amount of misogyny in the culture. Club girls are called "whores," etc. It's not as bad as some MC books I've read, but warning if this a trigger for you.
I LOVED the FMCs in these. The vast majority of the FMCs are not in the MC culture, but are working-class women living the towns with pretty interesting backstories. And the best part ... these FMCs ARE HORNY. Yes, even the shyer personalities. Every single book (even the more enemies-to-lovers plots) has a FMC who takes a couple minutes to eye-fuck the MMC when they meet and think about how attracted they are to them. I appreciate and respect a horny FMC -- because, GIRL, I would too.
For those who read MC romance, these felt more the lighter tone of Kati Wilde's Hellfire Riders Series (my fave!) vs Joanna Wylde's Reapers MC series (shades darker!)
✨ ALSO THESE BOOKS ARE SOAPY! ✨ In the best way. They can by read as standalones but I loved seeing how the larger soap opera background plot develops throughout each series.
Ok, so the first series, Ghosttown Riders - I'd describe as Sons of Anarchy meets the town from Gilmore Girls. It tells the story of a struggling outlaw Motorcycle Club who wants to go legit after experiencing some violence and loss. The MC President (who is an absolute asshole until he meets his FMC), has a big plan to buy up most of the property in this very small town to try to legitimize their dealings. The existing town residents (including the FMCs) are all so quirky and fun. But they aren’t sure about these bikers moving in. So, how Gilmore Girls-coded is this town? Well, there's a lot of funny town meetings where people share baked goods. There's a grumpy old guy that complains all the time. There's a very awkward young mayor who's giving Jessica Day from New Girl with secrets vibes (she's the FMC in Book 4). It has it all!
OK, now the second series Ghosttown East ... this is the story of a more dangerous rival club that are actually introduced as the VILLIANS towards the end of Ghosttown Riders. They have new President with a tragic backstory and they don't want to go legit ... they just want to be less bad. So, their new Prez makes plan to take over a different small town by calling in all of the shady loans and deals that their former president made. But instead of this town having quirky small town vibes, it's basically described as the most dangerous, run-down, and crime-ridden place in the country. The only businesses are a strip club and a gas station (both important to the plot). While this series goes a little darker and the FMCs are more accepting of the "non-legit" workings of the club, they are a still soapy sweet delight.
Anyway, I'm in love. If you've read any of the books in these series - I WANT TO HEAR YOUR FAVES IN THE COMMENTS (or similar recs?) If you have not read these, but are looking for some fun soapy drama, protective alpha-roll MMCs, and quirky FMCs with A LOT of found family vibes -- GIVE THESE A TRY!

. Cinquain: Whisper, Soft breeze, Rustling through leaves, Nature's gentle melody, Serene.
. Ghazal: Moonlight spills, a silver stream, Love's refrain, a poet's dream. Roses weep, their petals gleam, Lost in verses, shadows scheme.
Sestina: Moonrise casts its ethereal glow, Each night, a cyclical ebb and flow. Stars witness tales, both high and low, As time weaves stories, to and fro.
Tanka: Autumn leaves descend, A tapestry of farewell, Crisp whispers of time. Nature's brush strokes paint the scene, Seasons change, memories cling.
Pantoum: In the moonlit dance, shadows play, Shadows weave tales in the silvery night. Echoes of laughter, whispers sway, Night unfolds its magical light.
. Rondel: Sunset's hues in vibrant array, Paint the sky in hues of gold. Nature's masterpiece, bold and bold, A canvas where dreams hold sway.
. Rondeau: Joyful laughter, a sweet refrain, Echoes through the sunlit glade. Hearts entwined, a bond well made, Love's melody, a constant gain.
. Triolet: Whispers of wind through ancient trees, A tale told by the rustling leaves. Whispers of wind through ancient trees, Nature's song, a timeless tease.
Quatrain: Moonlight weaves a silken thread, Night unfolds in shadows' spread. Stars whisper secrets overhead, Dreams bloom in the quiet bed.
Elegy: In the quiet of the setting sun, Memories linger, stories spun. A solemn ode to what is done, Elegy for a life well-run.
. Ode: Sing, muse, of nature's wondrous grace, A symphony in every living trace. Ode to the moon's soft, glowing face, Illuminating night's quiet embrace.
. Ballad: In a valley where the rivers twine, A ballad echoes through ancient pine. Heroes rise, and villains decline, Tales of love and loss intertwine.
. Epic: A saga unfolds in realms unknown, Heroes clash with a thunderous tone. Epic battles in a world overthrown, A timeless tale, through ages, is sown.
. Narrative poem: Through the forest and over the hill, A narrative weaves, tranquil and still. Characters dance, their destinies fulfill, A poetic journey, a quill's skill.
Epigram: In few words sharp, a truth unveiled, Wit and wisdom in balance, finely scaled. Life's ironies, humor exhaled, Epigram, where truths are hailed.

I started high school in 2010. I would hear about Mac Miller from time to time, and I had seen a couple of YouTube videos, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan by any means. This changed the week Macadellic dropped. I remember scrolling across it on DatPiff. I was hooked instantly.
I went back and listened to BDE, Blue Slide Park, and K.I.D.S. He quickly became one of my favorite artists. My first paycheck from my summer job at 16 went towards buying a Most Dope sweatshirt. I remember when he dropped Watching Movies with the Sound Off the same day J. Cole and Kanye West dropped albums. Despite those being two of my favorite artists, I loved Mac’s album the most.
Mac Miller introduced me to my second favorite artist ever that same year, Vince Staples. I had heard Vince before on “Epar” with Earl Sweatshirt and just associated him with Odd Future. I was in for a pleasant surprise when I decided to give Stolen Youth a try because it was produced by Mac Miller. Vince Staples’ flow and haunting lyricism were unexpected, and as a 17-year-old from a similar background, I related to it deeply. I went back and listened to Vince’s other early projects like Shyne Coldchain and Winter in Prague. I was going through a bad breakup (funny enough, we rekindled and are now together 10 years later with a kid), and those projects got me through that summer.
I remember the day that Hell Can Wait came out. It was the first and only album I ever purchased. Apple Music came out a couple of months after this. I remember when Summertime ’06 came out and realizing that Vince might be the funniest person alive through his early Twitter days and interviews.
Around the same time, I discovered Jimmy Murton’s Twitter. I would see Friend of a Rapper across my timeline every once in a while, but I never paid attention. Once I decided to check his page out and follow him, my artistic life changed forever. I followed him to gain more insight into Mac Miller but soon found out he might be the most free-thinking and interesting person I ever came across on the internet. I still have screenshots of his tweets and poems. His FOAR merch, “Broke Til I’m Dead,” and drawings that he posted were some of the most unique pieces I’ve ever seen. His self-talk/loathing and honesty resonated with me on a different level. To this day, one of my biggest regrets outside of not going to a Mac Miller concert is not getting one of those hoodies.
Jimmy reminded me of a millennial Charles Bukowski. Those two are my biggest inspirations for the writings and art I create today. I have written a poetry book and am also a professional photographer. I don’t think I would be either of these without the influence of his art. To my knowledge, he has been without Twitter for several years. Realizing that Twitter no longer served me positively and was holding me back, I finally deleted mine earlier this year after having it for almost 13 years. I hope Jimmy has found his peace.
I remember being 22 at my first adult job in banking and finding out that Mac had passed. That is one of two moments in my life that left me at a loss for words. It still feels like I lost a best friend or brother. I still listen to certain songs and feel those same emotions that I did the first day I found out.
During the pandemic, I developed sleep problems, and my anxiety was at an all-time high. Almost every single night, I would play Circles until I fell asleep. I don’t think it’s his best album, but it’s probably my favorite for this reason. Something about it is very calming for me.
I recently turned 28 and realized that I am now two years older than he was when he passed, which hit me hard. He had so much life left, and it’s unimaginable where his music could have gone next. I’ve been celebrating him the last few days by re-listening to his discography in order. I decided that my first Reddit post would be to share my story on how Mac Miller played a part in so many different ways of my life.

Previous posts: TDI, TDA, WT, ROTI, AS, PI, RR, TDI23 (S1)
A couple of notes

• My opinions on this season are especially more fuzzy ATM, and I plan to do a rewatch for both reboot seasons as the episodes air on CN. So some of my commentary will be noticeably more wishy-washy (even though I usually try to make it more concise and ‘to-the-point’)
• Some of my commentary and points on Millie is inspired by u/JakeClipz

Rematch Character Ranking
16: Nichelle (The Bland Girlboss) - Remember how we were all looking forward to seeing her develop more next season? Well that didn't age well. Nichelle develops completely off-screen and now just has a lot of physical prowess as opposed to her personal flaws actually getting fleshed out more. While I don’t like using the term “Mary Sue”, Nichelle might just be the closest to one. Virtually her entire character is her power-housing in challenges with no substance to go with it. We don’t see her struggle, we barely see her interact with others, and the way her humiliating performance in S1 affected her barely gets touched on. And this goes on for four episodes, only for her to be given some last-minute characterization that gets all resolved in just an episode. And even then, it was only focused on in the beginning and the end of the episode. I feel bad for people who actually liked her characterization in season one and was looking forward to her being expanded on, only to be slapped with this nothing-burger. So to speak, I’m not sure which iteration I prefer. Nichelle is almost like an inverse of Trent for me. She’s more interesting in season one but also annoys me more on a personal level. Though season two just makes her bland to a borderline painful degree. For as annoying and cringe as she was before, she at least made me feel something
15: Lauren (Abnormally Normal) - I still don’t care for her, but I prefer Scary Girl this season. They did something new with her, and I liked her punchline better. The twist and irony behind her trying to become normal in some of the creepiest ways possible, was actually quite funny. And her message about conforming to society's standards of “normal” was a nice touch
14: Axel (Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, What Were They Thinking With Ripper and You?) - My opinion on Axel is just about the same as last season, except she lasts for seven episodes this time. She has some occasional funny moments, but I still don't have much reason to care for her. Her romance with Ripper is very hit-or-miss. And even its funny moments are mostly on Ripper's end. It doesn’t mean Axel herself doesn’t have any moments I like. Some of her reactions were amusing, and she does catalyze some of Ripper’s funny moments. But I wish more was done to explore their relationship beyond them just being another troll couple, which even then was done far better by Chemma in season one. Speaking of which…
13: Emma (Reading People: TikTok Edition) - She has her moments, but man was she disappointing. Her elimination felt depressing and anticlimactic, and it’s a shame she couldn’t reconcile with Bowie or do a whole lot to branch out individually after Chase was gone. Also, I'm not trying to be a snowflake, but the episode low-key felt like it was making a mockery out of her personal issues throughout. Poking fun at her overconfidence with her ‘people skills’, I'm more fine with. But the fact it wound up tying to her issues surrounding Chase, really made it sting. I suppose her going try-hard mode and getting salty was kind of funny, as well as the ghastly irony behind her answer for Chase. I don’t know, I kind of flip-flop between thinking her characterization makes sense and finding it insulting. But either way, it just didn't do a whole lot for me even when I try to look at it more positively. Also, this is way more personal, but I didn’t realize her background as a TikTok star until the reference she brought up during her elimination. And boy was it depressing when that realization sunk in of what my favorite reboot character is associated with (even though I know Emma is not the most favorable type of person). With that said, she definitely peaked in episode two with how she got Chase eliminated
12: Ripper (The Beteta Male) - He’s surprisingly funny when trying to rizz up Axel, and it’s even kind of wholesome (like making a poem upon realizing she likes poetry). And even when they go downhill afterwards, they still have their occasional funny moments. Though they were just next-level cringe in episode 7. And Ripper’s elimination was genuinely pathetic. He still has his good moments. But he doesn’t reach the same heights as in season one, and leaves quite a bit to be desired
11: Damien (The Robbed Raltable King 2.0) - Ok so placing him this low might be a tad overkill. And I could consider moving him higher on rewatch. But for the time being, I found Damien quite disappointing and underwhelming this season. He had a more promising arc earlier on and had some pretty cool moments from episodes two through four. But after that, I recall barely anything else noteworthy he did. His storyline did not feel consistently prevalent, and a good portion of his achievements were more luck-based rather than through genuine skill. I'm rather miffed they barely utilized his scientific knowledge at all this season. Admittedly, him being a video game nerd is cool. Damien himself is still charming and has his entertaining moments. But despite lasting twice as long, he did not impress me nearly as much as his season one iteration. His elimination is also terrible for obvious reasons. But for as much as it sucked…I didn't find it as huge of a loss as some others did. With how much I loved him in season one, I was really looking forward to his run in this season, with him even being one of my top finalist picks. But sadly, the dude did not turn out to be the Action Harold 2.0 that I hoped for him to be (well, besides also having a crappy elimination and not reaching the finals). Though my expectations could’ve just been too high
10: Chase (Yo Yo Yo!) - The dude is still hilarious per usual, and I like that his YouTuber side gets touched on more. But he doesn’t do much to justify being any higher. Though I think he ran his course over the last season and made for a fitting early boot
9: Zee (Spilling the Soda) - I prefer Zee this season, and I respect how he was utilized plot-wise, despite being a comic relief. He managed to be funny while showcasing his way more likable qualities, at least before he couldn’t hold the secret any longer. And even then, it was understandable enough. I just wish his challenge blunder in episode four got acknowledged as opposed to just Priya and Emma being on the chopping block. But overall, I like his run, and I respect how he was utilized, even if he’s not one of my favorite comedic characters
8: Priya (Good at Everything but Romance) - The biggest issue I have with Priya is that her run is rather redundant given the screen time she already had. It also kind of miffs me that nothing is done about her parents. But overall, I still enjoyed her, and I actually liked her and Caleb’s relationship. She still has her moments, and pulled some especially cool feats both in and even outside of challenges (namely episodes seven and eight). And Praleb is actually quite funny when you don’t take it as seriously. Trying to yeet a whole boulder at Caleb, I probably could have done without. And her and Caleb’s storyline probably would’ve been a bit better received had it been compressed to an episode or two earlier. Not gonna lie, I feel like Priya is especially one of the characters this season in which I especially need to rewatch to form a more clear opinion on. But for the time being, I think her positives outweigh her negatives
7: Caleb (Too Perfect) - Next up, we have the other member of Praleb. Continuing where I left off when talking about Priya, Praleb is nothing too great. But they had their interesting moments. Normally, I don’t like the types of romance storylines where one is initially using the other but then “falls in love for real” in the process. But Caleb is an exception to this as his motivations proved to be sincere, and using Priya was completely unintentional on his part. I appreciate how their plot was intertwined with the strategic gameplay throughout the season. It’s also pretty impressive that he made the finale despite being the first boot in the previous season. On that topic, the twist of the previous season’s finalist dating the previous season’s first boot is pretty funny. Despite this, they are both highly compatible with each-other. His schtick as a ‘nice-guy protagonist’ had some nuances to it and added a layer to his personality. Despite seeming to be this perfect guy at first, he has some underlying flaws and wasn’t able to get people to really like him, especially given vast majority of his supporters in the finale were only on his side just because they wanted Julia to lose (although maybe focusing on an alliance with Priya only, didn’t help). Individually, he also has some surprisingly funny moments towards the end (from rewatching a few clips of the penultimate episode and the finale), and his conflict of having to choose between Priya and Julia was interesting. As I said with Priya, I think Caleb is especially a character in which I need to rewatch to form a stronger opinion on. But for the time being, I enjoyed him
6: Millie (A Push Too Far) - Despite not lasting as long, I slightly prefer Millie here over her season one iteration. Being unprepared with the manual is highly relatable, and she’s surprisingly hilarious with how innocently insensitive she can be. I also liked her brief subplot of making a mistake and feeling bad for it. And even though similar was done with her last season, it wasn’t repetitive either as it was a different scenario at play. And I like that despite her season one arc, she hasn’t fully gotten rid of her bad habits. And I think that’s a lot more realistic than her just turning into a faultless person. Admittedly, the stupid intern joke surrounding the challenge kind of makes her look a lot worse. And had I seen this about a year ago, I probably would’ve hated Millie. But luckily, I’m not inclined to take said moment that seriously. On another note, I like that Priya was quicker to forgive Millie this time. Overall, Millie’s time this season was pretty short and sweet, and expanded on her well
5: Julia (The Problematic Girlboss) - Julia kind of fluctuates between being a character I really like or dislike. Low-key, her strategies still have a handful of issues execution-wise, some of which even veer beyond just her plans repeatedly being carried out flawlessly (to an obnoxious degree) and off-screen. But at the same time, she just has far more moments that click with me than season one Julia. And her alliance with MK was one of the highlights from earlier on. Though just like Praleb, Julia is especially one of the characters in which I need to rewatch to get a better idea of what I think of her. But while her flaws prevent her from being higher, her good moments outweigh her bad this season
4: Bowie (The Middleman Dilemma) - Despite not lasting as long, this season expanded on Bowie well. The cheating plot challenged his morality and had a good resolution to it that brought out his better qualities. And his elimination was handled gracefully on his end (though Julia’s end yielded more problems). His fake apology to everyone in the beginning was also pretty funny. I’m not particularly attached to him, but I respect how he was utilized here
3: MK (Game Hacks to the Max) - MK was definitely one of the most engaging parts of the early season, even if she fizzled out in the merge. She had some especially cool and interesting tricks up her sleeve, coupled with a great snarky streak, and was the main catalyst of the cheating plot. As I said, Mkulia was definitely one of the highlights. And while I don’t absolutely ship them, they had some genuinely cute moments. I really like that MK genuinely felt guilty after backstabbing Julia. With that said, I would’ve liked to see her have a go as the main antagonist for a change, instead of Julia being a two-time villain
2: Raj (The Hockey Chads) - The Rematch is a rather mediocre season that had multiple disappointments. Though amongst this, the Hockey Bros are some of the biggest highlights and one of the most entertaining parts of the season. Their friendship is still just as endearing as ever, and I think they are some of the highlights humor-wise. Admittedly, they sometimes get pushed aside or dumbed down too much for their own good. But more often than not, I still enjoyed them. Although, I would have preferred Raj outlasting Wayne. He had a bit more involvement in the cheating plot with his ties to Bowie. And given his shy side when he’s not around Wayne, I was expecting him to be the one being given more screentime to branch out. Though I’m not totally opposed to Wayne going further either. Speaking of which...
1: Wayne (The Unpredictable Winner) - From an objective standpoint, Wayne could’ve been better as a winner. But I still enjoyed him a lot. He also rocked the penultimate challenge, and he didn’t really have any obnoxious favoritism in the finale. The challenge didn’t have any outside interference unlike the Island finale, and no characters were made more unlikable to make Wayne more rootable. He was a way more unpredictable option. And honestly, for as out-of-left-field as it was, it made sense in theory for them to go the route they did. With that said, Wayne definitely needed at least a couple more notable challenge feats to make his win more deserved. But overall, I still think him and Raj were some of the best parts of the season

This may be too niche but I’ve been thinking about this a lot today. I’m trying to remember a time when I wasn’t an angsty person but I can’t. Even as a young kid, I was extremely repressed and not allowed to watch or listen to anything my parents deemed inappropriate. That being said, I think that pushed me into a more emo/alt genre in high school. They never heard any of this.
Since then, I’ve been building a playlist where listening to it almost tells a story of my life phases. Most of the songs on here are heavily depressing. Some about addiction. A lot about loss. A lot of anger and resentment. I used to think that this music just felt deeper and more beautiful to me but then when family and friends share their music, I’m appalled at how happy it is just as they’re appalled at how melancholy mine is.
I’m not trying to be an edge lord. My music isn’t even particularly bad, some of them are more upbeat, it’s just not EDM or pop. I’m mortified by my music taste when I’m put in a position to handle the aux. I just love sad music. I relate much more to that than Pharrell’s “Happy”. I get that’s an old song but I shit you not, my mother loves it. Even when I’m happy, I have more peppy songs, sure but those are usually also pretty harsh in a lyrical sense.
Today, my boyfriend (newer relationship) begged to hear my music in the car. He likes EDM. I personally can’t get down to that sober and it reminds me of my ex who was also into that. That being said, it’s not something I listen to when I’m driving alone. So per his insistence, I play mine and I’m acutely aware of the difference in the vibe. It got very somber and I was so incredibly anxious the entire time that he was going to say something about how bad it was or that we needed to change it. We changed it and he couldn’t decide on a song and I snapped.
I genuinely love my music but never around other people. I usually default to some bullshit top 100 station on Spotify when I have passengers for this reason. Does anyone else feel this way about their music taste? It truly feels like an outlet for me and I just can’t stand to fake happy.

Walking amongst the living
feeling broken, alone, dead.
If only they knew the thoughts
traveling through my head.
Hardly trying to stay alive,
wanting nothing but to die.
My heart was shattered completely
under the weight of unsaid goodbyes.
Wondering why the world was still whole
the day your death broke me.
The sky was clear and beautiful.
Earth seemed so happy.
How ironic, how a day
appears to be in one piece,
while hearts are breaking
and a life has ceased.
© 2024 Michelle the Poet
From my second book, A Collection of Love and Loss Poems

I wrote this little poem, as part of my healing process to deal with everything I've been through after my ex cheated and left me at the end of last year. It might seem dark, but it filled me with hope writing it and I thought I'd share it here and see if it connects with any of you and might help you deal with your pain in knowing your not alone, we're all here together dealing with this as a community and no matter what, youll come through this.

• A lament to the cheated :

It started so simply, With love and passion, And ended so swiftly, With agony like a thrashing.
Twists and turns, A pain that burns, A heart, empty and cracked, Begging to know what it was, they lacked.
The doubt, the questions, The unending opression, Hindsight and obsession, A disease and contagion.
Memories gushing blood, A wound reminiscing, Conscience so twisted, A headache so splitting.
Nausea haunting, Fists clenching, Rage building, Hate growing, Tears blissfully flowing.
Time heals all, But the pain remains, It will get easier, Failed dreams never fade.
Karma will come, Vengeance in love, A lesson so learned, This loss is not yours

So today I downloaded DDLC today and played it for the first time. It throws you into a harem like situation and being the loyal guy I am I decided to pursue Yuri as I like her whole vybe, the nerdy, shy, intense girl. And forgot about fing Sayori. I honestly thought that she is like those besties who try to get you laid or hooked up with girls she deemed worthy for me. Little did I know that her whole vybe would suddenly shift and throw me off course. She fing went from cutesy jolly girl to an emo chick who found out that knives and razors wont be able to inflict pain on her hands anymore. And that fing Monika. She and I are the only ones so far with english names which is honestly not a problem but when you read her poems. She writes about dark holes and supposedly goes to piano which I know is a lie and she is caught at one point by Natsuki but she brushed it off like that. And she is a fing cockblocker. Why interupt me while Im feeding chocolate to Yuri? Def suspicious! She def caused the shift in Sayori. She knows more than I think and she says it too before that incident. I think I'm gonna mourn Sayori's demise for some days before I can go cry on Yuri's laps. Im so fing depressed. How can she do that... Only because I told her that we will be bff's forever. Yup I would prolly hang myself too. But Damn... Im gonna light some spliffs to get this whole traumatizing event off my head. Gon post more if I play more😪😪😪

1. Sestina:

- *Definition:* A 39-line poem with intricate repetition of end-words in a specific pattern. - *Example:* Write a sestina exploring the challenges and triumphs of personal growth. 

1. Rondeau:

- *Definition:* A 13-line poem with a rhyme scheme and a repeated phrase. - *Example:* Create a rondeau celebrating the joy of creativity. 

1. Triolet:

- *Definition:* An eight-line poem with a specific rhyme scheme and repetition. - *Example:* Craft a triolet expressing the beauty found in simple moments. 

1. Kyrielle:

- *Definition:* A form of rhyming poetry with repeating lines and a specific structure. - *Example:* Write a kyrielle exploring the theme of resilience in the face of adversity. 

1. Ode:

- *Definition:* A lyrical poem praising and glorifying a person, event, or thing. - *Example:* Compose an ode celebrating the power of human resilience. 

1. Ballad:

- *Definition:* A narrative poem often with a musical quality, telling a story. - *Example:* Create a ballad recounting a mythical or historical tale of adventure. 

1. Epic:

- *Definition:* A long, narrative poem that tells the story of heroic deeds. - *Example:* Write an epic poem inspired by a contemporary hero or heroine. 

1. Blank Verse:

- *Definition:* Unrhymed poetry with a regular meter, often iambic pentameter. - *Example:* Craft a blank verse poem reflecting on the passage of time. 

1. Petrarchan:

- *Definition:* A sonnet divided into an octave and a sestet, often exploring conflicting emotions. - *Example:* Write a Petrarchan sonnet exploring the duality of love and loss. 

1. Terza Rima:

- *Definition:* A poetic form with interlocking rhymes, often used in longer works. - *Example:* Compose a terza rima poem contemplating the mysteries of the universe. 

Some think of the Palestinian-Israeli dispute as a clash of nationalisms. Others stress religious antagonism, while others yet see an East-West power struggle. But it is roundly agreed upon that a key element of the conflict is land. That land, for many years by many people, was called Palestine.
Yet few people—including Middle East policy makers, journalists, historians and even lexicographers—know much about the history of the name “Palestine,” or what territory it has at one time or another encompassed.
The ancient Romans pinned the name on the Land of Israel. In 135 CE, after stamping out the province of Judea’s second insurrection, the Romans renamed the province Syria Palaestina—that is, “Palestinian Syria.” They did so resentfully, as a punishment, to obliterate the link between the Jews (in Hebrew, Y’hudim and in Latin Judaei) and the province (the Hebrew name of which was Y’hudah). “Palaestina” referred to the Philistines, whose home base had been on the Mediterranean coast.
It is widely thought, as reflected in my 1976 New College Edition of the American Heritage Dictionary, that the term Palestine refers only to the land between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. Countless books and maps say that Israel, in conquering the West Bank and Gaza in the 1967 Six-Day War, took control of “all of Palestine.” But that is not correct.
The term “Palestine” was used for millennia without a precise geographic definition. That’s not uncommon—think of “Transcaucasus” or “Midwest.” No precise definition existed for Palestine because none was required. Since the Roman era, the name lacked political significance. No nation ever had that name.
The term was meaningful to Christians as synonymous with the Holy Land. It was meaningful to Jews as synonymous with Eretz Yisrael, which is Hebrew for the Land of Israel. As noted by the Palestinian scholar Muhammad Y. Muslih in The Origins of Palestinian Nationalism, Arabic speakers sometimes used the Arabic words for “Holy Land,” but never coined a uniquely Arabic name for the territory; Filastin is the Arabic pronunciation of the Roman terminology. “Palestine was also referred to as Surya al-Janubiyya (Southern Syria), because it was part of geographical Syria,” wrote Muslih. In the pre-World War I-era, scholars also sometimes said Palestine was the region just south of Syria.
Since biblical times, Palestine was understood to span the Jordan River. It was common to call the one bank Western Palestine and the other Eastern Palestine, as evidenced by such works as Edward Robinson, et al., Biblical Researches in Palestine and the Adjacent Regions (1856); Charles Warren, Underground Jerusalem (1876); Frederick Jones Bliss, The Development of Palestine Exploration (1906); and Ellsworth Huntington, Palestine and Its Transformation (1911). The Israelite tribes of Reuben, Gad, and Menasseh, the Bible said, all held land east of the Jordan River. Before World War I, no books described that river as Palestine’s eastern boundary.
Eastern Palestine was also known as Transjordan, meaning “across the Jordan.” In other words, the Jordan River did not bound Palestine; it bisected it. Referring to the Jordan Valley in his book Sinai and Palestine (1863), the Oxford University scholar Arthur Penrhyn Stanley said, “It is around and along this deep fissure that the hills of western and eastern Palestine spring up.”
The terminology of Western and Eastern Palestine appeared universally in 19th- and early 20th-century literature. In George Adam Smith’s influential study, The Historical Geography of the Holy Land, Book II is entitled “Western Palestine” and Book III “Eastern Palestine.” The famous works of Britain’s Palestine Exploration Fund—the first coauthored by H.H. Kitchener, later Field-Marshal Earl Kitchener, when he was but a lieutenant—were titled The Survey of Western Palestine and The Survey of Eastern Palestine.
No one in the pre-World War I period ever needed to specify how far eastward Eastern Palestine extended. As the 1911 Encyclopedia Britannica stated, “The River Jordan, it is true, marks a line of delimitation between Western and Eastern Palestine; but it is practically im¬pos¬sible to say where the latter ends and the Arabian desert begins.”
“Palestine” applied vaguely to a region that for the 400 years before World War I was part of the Ottoman empire. In that empire, it was divided among several provinces and governates and never composed an administrative unit.
During the Great War of 1914-1918, the Ottoman empire, which included Palestine, fought alongside Germany and Austria-Hungary against the Allies. That made the Holy Land enemy territory from the British perspective, and Britain took the lead in conquering it. When the war ended, the victorious Allies divided the formerly Ottoman Near East into new political units. In April 1920, they assigned to France the mandate to govern Syria, including Lebanon. They assigned two mandates to Britain, one for Mesopotamia (now Iraq) and one for Palestine. Borders for the three territories were not yet defined.
How did British Mandate Palestine get its borders? The line in the north emerged from Anglo-French negotiations in 1923. The one in the south was fixed by treaties in the mid-1920s between Britain and the new nation of Saudi Arabia. The border between Mandate Palestine and Mandate Mesopotamia was of little immediate importance, given that it was in the middle of an uninhabited desert and Britain controlled both sides. That line was finally fixed through an exchange of letters in 1932.
What particularly interests us here is how Britain handled Eastern Palestine. The short answer is that it remained under the British Mandate for Palestine until 1946, when it became the independent kingdom of Transjordan, later renamed Jordan. Western Palestine remained under the Mandate until May 1948.
The longer answer requires us to go back to World War I.
In November 1917, the British government issued the Balfour Declaration, a promise to help create in Palestine a Jewish national home. The promise, motivated by a combination of strategic and moral considerations, was controversial, including within the government.
As Britain (with a small bit of help from French forces) was conquering Palestine and Syria, its military commander, General Edmund Allenby, chose to view Eastern and Western Palestine as distinct areas. A practical man, he had no interest in Jewish nationalism, nor any sympathy for it. In 1918, he combined Transjordan and inland Syria into a military occupation zone that Britain allowed the Arabian Emir Faysal to administer from Damascus. Allenby assigned Palestine west of the Jordan to a different occupation zone, with its own military government based in Jerusalem.
Allenby hoped Faysal would reign over a Syrian kingdom that included Transjordan. That would give London influence over the whole area, as Faysal was understood to be Britain’s man. But French leaders were hostile to Faysal, and, when they took control of Damascus in July 1920, they ousted him. (Britain soon consoled Faysal with the kingship of Iraq.) British officials, not wanting France to control Transjordan, quickly made clear that Transjordan was not part of French Mandate Syria.
What, then, should be done with Transjordan? Britain’s high commissioner in Palestine had said it should be recognized as part of Palestine under his supervision. He stressed that it could help Western Palestine meet its future food, water, and electricity needs. Britain’s new foreign secretary, Lord Curzon, however, disagreed, primarily because of his concerns about the costs of administering Transjordan. At the same time, however, he saw Western and Eastern Palestine as a strategically valuable “land bridge” connecting British Egypt to British Mandate Mesopotamia. His dilemma was how to retain control of that “bridge” while limiting Britain’s responsibilities in Transjordan.
Curzon suggested that Transjordan might be given “some form of independent Arab Government.” One option, he said, was to recognize Transjordan as belonging to Palestine or Mesopotamia. Another was to divide Transjordan between those Mandates. And a third was to leave it “for future arrangement.” Curzon preferred to wait, “leaving the eastern boundary of Palestine . . . for subsequent definition when the situation as regards Arabia has developed further.”
In February 1921, Winston Churchill became secretary of state for the colonies and responsibility for the Middle East was transferred from Curzon to him. Churchill promptly devised a set of policies of huge importance and lasting effect. They created kingdoms and put men on thrones. They drew new maps. And, it can be argued, they partitioned Palestine for the first time between Arabs and Jews.
High on Churchill’s agenda was Eastern Palestine. Churchill shared Curzon’s view that an Arab administration of Transjordan could help keep down British expenditures. Churchill also agreed to maintain the ban on Zionist settlement east of the Jordan River—originally put in place by Britain’s military administration, which claimed to lack the resources necessary to protect Jews there.
Zionist leaders argued that Britain should not exclude Transjordan from the Jewish national home. In a communication to a senior British official, the U.S. Supreme Court justice Louis Brandeis said that Palestine needed access to water resources in Transjordan for irrigation and power and also to Transjordan’s “fertile plains . . . for food and sustenance.” (Upon joining the Supreme Court in 1916, Brandeis had resigned his chairmanship of America’s principal Zionist organization, but he remained active in the Jewish national cause.)
The leader of the Zionist Organization, Chaim Weizmann, argued to Churchill that Transjordan, from earliest times, was “an integral and vital part of Palestine.” Its plains were the Holy Land’s “natural granary” and the climate was “invigorating.” The area was “scarcely inhabited and long derelict,” Weizmann said, and severing it from Palestine “would be scant satisfaction to Arab Nationalism, while it would go far to frustrate” Britain’s Jewish-national-home policy. “While Eastern Palestine may probably never have the same religious and historic significance as Western Palestine,” he wrote, “it may bulk much larger in the economic future of the Jewish National Home.”
Churchill knew that it might not be possible diplomatically to arrange a separate British mandate for Transjordan. His staff therefore proposed acknowledging the territory as part of Mandate Palestine—a decision comfortably within the time-honored common understanding that Palestine straddled the Jordan River.
The ban on Jewish settlement in Eastern Palestine, however, created a legal conundrum. How could Churchill maintain the ban when one of the chief duties of Britain, as Palestine’s mandatory power, was to encourage “close settlement by Jews on the land?” Churchill did not buy his staff’s argument that the Mandate, as then drafted, gave Britain the necessary authority. Amending the draft would be awkward, but Churchill feared a legal challenge. He sought help from lawyers. If it were “absolutely necessary” to change the Mandate to keep Transjordan out of the Jewish national home, he wrote, then he wanted the new authority couched in vague language: “to specify areas affected without referring in detail to proposed difference in treatment.”
The result was an artfully muddy amendment that was added to the Mandate as Article 25. It stated, “In the territories lying between the Jordan and the eastern boundary of Palestine as ultimately determined, the Mandatory shall be entitled . . . to postpone or withhold application of such provisions of this mandate as he may consider inapplicable to the existing local conditions.” The words were framed, a senior official explained, to enable Britain “to withhold indefinitely the application of those clauses of the mandate which related to the establishment of a National Home for the Jews.”
After the League of Nations eventually approved the Mandate in 1922, the British representative Arthur Balfour submitted to it a memorandum, citing Article 25, that listed all the clauses about Jews and said they were “not applicable” in Transjordan. Balfour told the League’s governing council that the memorandum’s object was “to withdraw from Trans-Jordan the special provisions which were intended to provide a national home for the Jews west of the Jordan.” France’s representative said he understood that Balfour’s memorandum “only aimed at maintaining in the area to the east of the Jordan the general regime of the Mandate for Palestine.” Balfour said he agreed.
On March 23, 1921, Churchill had traveled to Jerusalem to persuade Emir Abdullah, Faysal’s brother, to content himself, at least for the time being, with a position in Transjordan. Having decided that Transjordan “should be constituted an Arab province of Palestine under an Arab governor, responsible to the High Commissioner,” Churchill suggested that Abdullah take responsibility there for six months with British help. Abdullah agreed.
Nothing is so permanent as the provisional, the adage says. That six-month arrangement has not ended—it has been in operation for a century. It gave rise to the emirate of Transjordan, which existed under the Palestine Mandate until 1946 and then evolved into the kingdom of Transjordan, which changed its name in 1949 to the kingdom of Jordan, which exists to this day under the kingship of Abdullah’s great-grandson, Abdullah II.
Zionist leaders of all stripes were unhappy with the British government’s policy on Transjordan. Vladimir Jabotinsky would demand reversal of the territory’s exclusion from the Jewish national home, making a rallying cry of the slogan “Two banks to the Jordan—this is ours, and this too.” The words, which rhyme in Hebrew (Shtey gadot la-yarden—zu shelanu, zu gam ken) were from a poem by Jabotinsky that, put to music, became one of the anthems of his political movement’s youth organization.
Although the idea that the Jewish national home should include Eastern Palestine became associated mainly, if not exclusively, with the political right when Jabotinsky’s Zionist Revisionist movement adopted it as a tenet, in 1921 it was a consensus view among Zionists from right to left.
Some British officials likewise looked askance at the Transjordan policy. Colonel Richard Meinertzhagen of the Colonial Office said he “exploded” when he heard Churchill “had severed Transjordan from Palestine.” In his memoir, A Crackle of Thorns, Alec Kirkbride, a British military officer in Transjordan who became Britain’s first ambassador there, commented wryly that, after Britain chose to put Abdullah in charge, “In due course the remarkable discovery was made that the clauses of the mandate relating to the es¬tablish¬ment of a National Home for the Jews had never been intended to apply to mandated ter¬ritory east of the river.” Leopold Amery, a former colonial secretary and one of the drafters of the Balfour Declaration, criticized the Transjordan policy for “taking out of Pales¬tine the larger and better half, the half more suitable to large-scale colonization.” Years later—in a May 22, 1939 House of Commons debate—he described the decision as Palestine’s “first partition.”
In early 1921 Colonial Office officials mulled the question of terminology and proposed that “‘Palestine’ and ‘Eastern Palestine’ should be brought into use for the territories lying respectively to the west and east of the River Jordan.” Their recommendation was only partially adopted. Palestine became the term used for Western Palestine. But the territory east of the Jordan would commonly be called Transjordan.
The common use of “Transjordan” rather than “Eastern Palestine” had consequences. After the 1948-49 Israeli War of Independence, it allowed supporters of the Palestinian Arabs to describe them as “stateless.” After the 1967 Six-Day War, it allowed people to say plausibly, if inaccurately, that the Jews had taken control of all of Palestine, leaving none to the Arabs.
Numerous books—for example, Rashid Khalidi, The Iron Cage: The Story of the Palestinian Struggle for Statehood (2006)—now contain maps that attach the labels “Palestine” or “Mandate Palestine” only to Palestine west of the Jordan. Writing that the Zionists “were ultimately able to take over the entire country,” Khalidi endorsed the common but ahistorical assertion that Palestine extended no further east than the Jordan River. By way of contrast, it is notable that another leading American scholar of Arab origin, Princeton University’s Philip K. Hitti, in his History of Syria: Including Lebanon and Palestine (1951), dealt accurately with this point of geography. After identifying Palestine as “the southern part of Syria,” Hitti wrote that Palestine was “amputated” from Syria, and then, “In 1921 Transjordan, with a biblical name but no real historical existence, was in turn amputated from Palestine and placed under the Emir Abdullah.”
Would the world now perceive the Arab-Israeli conflict differently if British officials had adopted that proposal from the Colonial Office to continue to use the term Eastern Palestine, rather than Transjordan? Would world politics be different if people generally understood that the kingdom of Jordan is in Eastern Palestine and Israel is in Western Palestine? Would the conflict have been different if no one had ever contended that the Palestinian Arabs are “stateless?”
Such questions have been excitedly debated over the years, including within Israel. Early in his political career, Ariel Sharon, who became Israeli prime minister in 2001, made famous the slogan “Jordan is Palestine,” using it to counter demands for Israeli territorial concessions to the Palestinians. Of the various arguments advanced in favor of such concessions, one was that Israel should agree to divide the land it controlled because the Arabs deserved a state in at least part of Palestine. Sharon’s answer was that an Arab state—Jordan—already existed in Palestine.
Sharon’s slogan became a hot button in Israeli politics because it sounded dismissive of concerns about how Israel should deal with the rights of Palestinians living west of the Jordan River. Anyone who heard it that way had good grounds to object. Those concerns are serious and the slogan is not at all the end of the story. But, as much as one might dislike its political implications, the simple statement that Jordan is Palestine is factual.
The distinguished Anglo-American historian Bernard Wasserstein clearly did not like the slogan’s political implications. Rejecting the view of Jabotinsky and Sharon that Palestine was partitioned in 1921 as a “myth,” he wrote, “In fact, what occurred [when Britain decided that Transjordan would be part of the Palestine Mandate, albeit outside the Jewish national home] was a huge addition to the territory of Palestine, not any subtraction.” He added, “Zionist disappointment at the loss of what they had never been promised and never possessed led to the idea that they had been somehow cheated out of their birthright. The legend persists.”
Wasserstein’s point is supported by the view of Allenby and his officers. When they spoke of “Palestine,” they generally meant only Western Palestine. From their perspective, Transjordan’s inclusion in the Palestine Mandate was an addition. But Jabotinsky and Sharon were not wrong. As is clear in any library of books of history and natural history from before the Great War—including, as we have seen, the massive British military surveys of the Palestine Exploration Fund and the widely-read work of the scholar George Adam Smith—“Palestine” had a western part and an eastern part that were separated by the Jordan River. From the viewpoint of the established experts in geography, declaring Transjordan out of the Jewish national home was a subtraction.
Wasserstein’s statement that Transjordan “had never been promised to the Zionists” is true in that it was never explicitly promised to anyone. Britain, however, did promise to help create a Jewish national home “in Palestine,” and all the parties involved understood that the boundaries remained to be specified.
For their part, Zionist leaders and top British officials understood that the word “Palestine” in the Balfour Declaration included Transjordan—in other words, that Eastern Palestine, or at least part of it, was included in the promise to the Zionists. That is clear from the Brandeis and Weizmann letters. It is evident from Amery’s remarks. And it is shown conclusively by Churchill’s agreement to accept Article 25. If the Balfour Declaration had been limited to west of the Jordan, Churchill would not have felt compelled to add in Article 25 to make the Mandate’s Jewish-home clauses inapplicable east of the Jordan.
Wasserstein is correct that the Zionists never “possessed” Transjordan, but it is unclear what that signifies. Jews in ancient times had lived east of the river, but Britain banned the Zionists from settling there.
To sum up: “Palestine” was long universally understood to include the land on both sides of the Jordan River. Eastern Palestine is now the kingdom of Jordan. Its eastern border was not finalized until after the League of Nations approved the Palestine Mandate. Maps of Mandate Palestine that include only Western Palestine are misleading because the emirate of Transjordan was part of Mandate Palestine, governed under Britain’s Jerusalem-based high commissioner for Palestine from 1921 until the emirate became an independent kingdom in 1946. Amery had a firm basis for saying that taking Transjordan out of the Jewish national home in 1921-1922 can properly be called Palestine’s “first partition.”
This examination of the term “Palestine” is not an argument about what Israel should or should not do to try to make peace with its Arab enemies. While it refutes the contention that there is only one state now in Palestine, it says nothing about whether Israel should be willing, in pursuit of peace, to relinquish control of various parts of Western Palestine.
The value of this history is not in how it relates to anyone’s preferences regarding the two-state solution or other ideas about peace. Its value inheres in its accuracy. A true account of history justifies itself.
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The Forgotten History of the Term "Palestine" Hudson