Funny and stupid poems

Just a funny thing that happened. Not really funny but it's funny to me bc it's stupid kinda but also I'm just not sure
So I was talking to a dude and he says 'also I only date trans men btw because they're cut like anime men' and I don't comment on it but note it bc that's like. The biggest red flag ever. Not sure if it's a fetish thing or a preference or what...
Not pursuing the relationship i just think it's funny and wanted to talk about it

I can still acutely pinpoint the exact moment my life changed.
I was 11 years old, about to graduate from elementary school. A few months prior, I had been accepted into a prestigious private school in the state. For my Asian immigrant parents, this moment signified that their struggles and sacrifices had paid off. They often reminded me that they were the smartest, most educated of their cohort back home, with lucrative jobs and high social status. They had given this all up to move overseas, where they did not understand the language or foreign customs. They had done this for me - to ensure I had a better life. They had sacrificed their dreams, ambitions and everything they knew for me to have this chance. For me, for me, for me. There was no choice but for me to succeed. To prove that their sacrifice had been worth it. To prove that even though they had been demoted to the bottom of American society, that they would live their dreams through their only child.
On that day, I arrived home from school to find a box of chocolates on my doorstep. It was from a boy in my class who I had never thought much of. Surprised, I brought it inside to show my parents. Growing up under the influence of my overly hospitable father, my first instinct was to buy him a similarly-priced gift. Not because I liked him, but because I must return the favour and could not be in his debt. However later that night, the boy called my home. When my father answered, he nervously hung up. He called again 30 minutes later, no doubt hoping to reach me. Again, my father answered. Again, he hung up.
My father became furious. Surely, I, at 11 years old, must have deliberately done something to catch his attention. I must have done something wrong. I must have asked for this. He sat me down, and ordered me to take out my yearbook. He looked through each page, pausing at every boy's profile to scrutinize his message to me. One boy (a friend) had thanked me for dancing with him at the end of year formal. Panicked, whilst my father was momentarily preoccupied elsewhere, I quickly scratched out his words. But it didn't end there. My father rang the boy's home and with hate-filled rage, screamed that he would call the police. He unplugged our phone and ordered me to return the chocolates and never speak to him again. From that moment on, my parents watched my every move. I was not allowed to speak on the phone, I was not allowed to speak to any boy, and every afternoon they called home at 3:15pm on the dot to make sure I came back straight from school. I was forced to constantly show them all my emails and messages.
That event changed my life. It broke all trust that I had in my parents. I could no longer view them as the safe haven that they were supposed to be. Instead, they planted seeds of fear, shame, guilt and self-loathing within me that would plague me for years to come. They taught me, through their actions, that women (even girls) were responsible for the actions of men and boys and should be held accountable for them. That women must somehow always invite the attention of men and furthermore, they must have asked for it. That no matter what I said, that I would not be believed. That I was someone not to be trusted, a naive stupid girl.
I decided on the spot that if I was to be responsible for his actions, then I would be responsible for his actions. I began to 'date' the boy. At 12 years old, I started partaking in sexual acts which were years beyond me, with a boy I did not like who was equally confused and equally not ready.
The situation did not improve when middle school started. My parents had purposely selected an all-girls school to ensure that I would not be distracted by boys. Little did they know, I fell in love for the first time with a female classmate. She was smart, funny, articulate and gorgeous. I could not stop thinking about her. It was a confusing, heartbreaking, but beautiful time. None of which I shared with my parents, having learnt my lesson.
As the years went on, I drifted further and further away from my parents. Communication was almost non-existent apart from the necessary 'time to eat' and the lectures about study and homework. I did not tell them about my first love, my first boyfriend, or even my second boyfriend. I did not tell them my dreams, hopes, and fears. I could not. Just as I was not to be trusted, they were also not to be trusted. This didn't stop them from trying to find out about my life through snooping and detective work. Never by asking me. One time, I found a piece of my diary in my parents' room - where I had written down the highs, lows and heartbreaks from a semester abroad. How I had slept with strangers on a path to discover myself. How I had fallen in love but was too careless with his heart. I should have been furious, but at this point I just expected it. I was numb.
In adulthood, my parents do not know me. We see each other every week because Asian filial piety demands it, but these meetings are meaningless. They do not know about my partner of 10 years. They do not know that we have bought a house together. They do not know that we are trying for a family of our own. And they do not know my deepest fear - which is for my child to grow up to be exactly as I am.

One thing i've found that most people do is tackle The Divide last, which does make sense in a narrative standpoint. However, if you're making a build that wants certain Divide items, but hold it off until you're much higher level, then there's no need to do this since Lonesome Road is actually designed to have a steady and surprisingly forgiving progression of gear and handy items that can be used to complete it like a mini-playthrough of a different, contained game. One thing that a lot of people find disappointing about a lot of the Divide's gear is that they come in with either better or build-centered things, so they ignore the very unsubtle number of convenient gear placements meant to be used for various areas.
For reference, this still works on Very Hard + Hardcore mode. You'll probably grab a couple of levels before entering just by virtue of there being some things to do in the Mojave on the way, so you'll likely be heading in at lvl 3-4 at the earliest, which is still doable albeit the first section in particular will be a bit iffy.
First off, upon entering you'll notice the very underwhelming Arc Welder. As terrible as this weapon is in the grand scheme of NV's kickass arsenal, its sole reason for existence is to allow for you to easily use EMP damage vs the Sentry Bots in the Missile Base Bunker. The main issue however is that Sentry Bots are bastards who spam missiles, so you usually have to sneak and wait for them to turn around, then kite their backs. Or at least, the first 2.
Once you reach the door that leads to Hopeville, where 2 Sentry Bots and a ring of laser turrets will gank you, you can make use of some presents left behind by General Retslaf, which includes 2 plasma mines, a pulse grenade, and a bad condition plasma rifle behind his de-activated personal sentry bots. The code to get these is in an Average locked desk on the way, which shouldn't be any problem because leveling up Lockpick ASAP is always a good idea. Don't forget to pick up the Bowie Knives from the various dead Marked Men (you can also use their armor if you have nothing better at this point). Don't forget the unmissable upgrade for Ed-E.
Before allowing Ed-E to open the door of death, place the mines there and back up. Depending on how clumped they end up during the entry, both Sentry Bots should be either very heavily damaged, 1 dead, or both dead if you got supremely lucky. Don't fight them if they survived until they start shooting at Ed-E (due to being immortal even on Hardcore because of literal plot armor), then jump out and Arc Weld them as Ed-E acts as your tiny floating aggro tank. If they weren't damaged enough, you can use your Pulse Grenade to finish them off or save it for the laser turrets to blast most of them in one go. Nearby will be a room that should give you US Army Combat Armor as a sweet reward for your troubles, and you're going to need it to not immediately get your sphincter turned inside-out at what comes next.
After Ulysses introduces himself and gives you sweet, sweet endgame-oriented quest completion exp to level up, get that Bowie Knife ready and get ready to sell that crap Arc Welder. The Marked Men are level scaled, but even in at their weakest they have mid-lategame weapons that are beastly for and against low levels, such as Marksman Carbines, Shishkebabs, Blades of the West, Trail Carbines, tri-beam laser files,12.7mm SMGs, etc. Exploit VATS to jump the nearest one for his weapon, then go into the Hopeville Missile Base Headquarters. Pray that you either grabbed a good gun drop from your first Marked Man victim, that your Bowie Knife's cripples will stunlock long enough, or that one of your incoming enemies will be wielding a crappy Arc Welder because you need to kill 2 Marked Men here. Depending on what weapons they have, you may need several attempts or none. The important thing is that this place has a Commissary and Auto Doc, which you're going to now exploit the crap out of. Also there's another ED-E upgrade here. It's also useful to have Atomic Cocktails on hand to deal with the Tri-Beam Laser wielding Marked Men since otherwise they'll kill you in seconds.
Sell any Marked Men armor and Arc Welders since they have very high caps value despite being garbage, and use your several thousand or may over ten thousand caps (once the Commissary reaches 200ish caps, exit the interface and re-engage for a full 6k cap restock) to buy stimpacks, chems, gear repairs, and ammo for whichever weapons you've obtained (or just ask Ed-E to repair a powerful melee weapon). Since all the Marked Men weapons are really kickass, that means now it's your turn to kick their asses in revenge. Take it slow because their weapons can still whoop your ass. Also use magazines to try to get Ed-E's check for obtaining Satchel charges. You don't need them persay, but the ones it can give you can help out a ton for an incoming portion of the DLC. In a table is also the passcode for the armory, which will give you some very good and likely very needed upgrades to your current kit.
For every fight you take major damage in (so basically every single fight), go back to the Auto-Doc to conserve on healing resources. Alternatively, you can at any time just go back to the Mojave, book it to the Gun Runners, and use your quickly obtained caps wealth to buy and/or mod a powerful gun and extra ammo. However, the Marked Men gear will likely be much better, just in bad condition and their gear will give you more than enough caps to just Commissary respair them so this is mostly for ammo.
Use the armory passcode to get access to a lot more ammo, and especially a nice stockpile of rockets. If you have high Lockpick and/or magazines, you can pick a Very Hard locked locker to get a set of free Riot Gear. Fight your way to the Laser Detonator on a rooftop but don't pick it up until you're ready. And by that, i mean pick up the Red Glare (there are 2, 1 from a Marked Man and 1 laying there, use one to repair the other or sell one for a bunch more caps), and have it ready. The moment you pick up the detonator, several Marked Men will spawn in so use your rooftop positioning to rain rockets on them.
Afterwards, upon reaching the wreckage wall with the warhead that will spawn in Blister and his group, don't blow it up just yet. Like before, hop up the left wall leading to this warhead to get a high ground position, then detonate the warhead with Red Glare immediately brought back out to fight Blister...whose a joke that you'll blow up because he has a looooong way to run with his Flamer to be able to attack you. Instead, the Marked Men behind him will be the real threat as you'll need to counter-snipe with the Red Glare after clowning on Blister and taking his knockoff Lanius hat.
After that is the first Tunneler section...where you have 2 options: either spam the generous number of Flashbangs provided to haul ass past the Tunnelers...or use said Flashbangs to exploit the fear state to kill the Tunnelers while they're not fighting back. The second option is obviously way riskier, but they do provide a lot of exp and Cave Fungus to make Healing Poultices if you're leveling Survival. Either way, the convenient Flashbangs are your saving grace here.
After Ulysses' next glorified exp reward in the form of words, you'll now face Beast. Depending on what weapons you've accrued, Beast can either be a complete joke or a painful roadblock. If you've gotten a Blade of the West (and perhaps enough levels for Finesse via fighting more than the bare minimum number of Marked Men and Tunnelers), the built-in knockdown on crits can more or less cheese every single other major Marked Man boss by just knockdown stunlocking them to death. If you want to use guns, then prepare to face his Shoulder Mounted Machinegun plus another Marked Man whose his cannibalism buddy or something. Either way, kill Beast and take his Lanius knockoff helm to then get your next restock since on the Truck is another Commissary. But that's not the real prize: that's the MANY mine boxes of Satchel mines just laying around the truck.
Use the Laser Detonator on the next warhead to insta-kill the next 2 Marked Men around it (don't forget to loot them), then climb up The Crow's Nest (watch out for 2 satchels, keep an eye on the flooring), where you'll get another armor upgrade in the Advanced Riot Gear as well as a good number of meds and a Sniper Rifle. All of these are useless for the next part, which is the Deathclaw Highway of Pants-Soiling.
Or, it would be if you didn't just conveniently get a bunch of instant-exploding giga-mines. Not only that, but the first 2 Deathclaws are hanging out next to a warhead which you can detonate at any range (even on the Crow's Nest), which will severely damage them without aggroing on you if you're far enough away. Just setting 2 satchels somewhat distant from each other then shooting the near-dead Deathclaws should lure them into the satchels, each dying to 1 satchel thanks to the warhead doing most of the work. For each upcoming Deathclaw, set a trap of 3-4 satchels which should very heavily damage and/or cripple both their legs which makes them easy pickings to finish off. If you were able to unlock Ed-E's satchel creation check, you should have more than enough when combined with Beast's convenient stash of them. I would not recommend risking the trailer of jumpscare Deathclaw Ambush for its huge special ammo stash unless you have enough Satchels to just set them up on top of the trailer to kill the ambushing Deathclaw on its scripted landing. You don't have enough if you haven't passed Ed-E's check, since you'll need them for the rest of the Deathclaws on the highway.
After the highway, don't bother taking the rightmost path because it just has Tunnelers and no loot, plus more Deathclaws will spawn on the highway and follow you to just kill you, but rather hug the rightmost side of the main road. You'll notice by watching the road itself that there are A LOT of satchel mines...which will kill you or almost do so instantly because these things detonate stupidly fast so just shoot them unless you are giga-practiced in pinpoint satchel disarming timing. Up next is Bonesaw who is either pants-shittingly terrifying with his chainsaw or a joke (either lure him into satchels, knockdown stunlock him with Blade of the West, or try to shoot him down with whatever you've got), and the SMMG is nice here for taking care of his goons. You can also just sneak and ignore Bonesaw if you don't care for his Lanius knockoff hat (but it's the most accurate one...) to reach the big shiny nuke lever for more quest completion exp, and a conveniently placed Industrial Hand.
Go into the railway of Tunnelers and use either the Industrial Hand or whatever else you've got to beat them down (Blade of the West is great for stunlocking these as well). Surviving this will get you to Sunstone Tower Roof, which is probably the most cheesable section of this.
Use the Laser Detonator on the warhead below to blow up 2-3 Marked Men, then use the Red Glare for long range counter sniping the 2 Marked Men on the nearby lopsided building. And watch out for a few more satchel mines. At this point, you should now be sufficiently geared and leveled to just play the rest of the DLC as normal, so there's not much else to elaborate on other than emphasizing the importance of grabbing the rest of Ed-E's easily found upgrades. The Elite Riot Gear is also here too for your final armor upgrade.
The only pointer after this as you'll now play normally with your endgame-tier gear is that once you reach the outside of Ulysses' Temple, just sit around and wait for the 2 Deathclaws to eventually wander into the Marked Mens' sight to then fight them. If you're lucky, they might even kill Blade for you with the final Lanius knockoff hat to collect, but at the minimum they'll clear out most of the Marked Men on the low ground. After that, deal with Ulysses how you want but the ultimate lazy cheese way is to talk him down via having all of Ed-E's upgrades then just let him and his infinite healing eyebots kill the incoming Marked Men hoard while you watch and just loot them for easy endgame weapons.
If you want to maximize content and long-term rewards, leave Ed-E in his pod and nuke everyone, since you came here at such low level you likely haven't received the NCR's or Legion's pardons so you can now annihilate Benny with DLC giga-gear to then be forgiven, now with access to Long-15 and Dry Wells to fight Royez and Gaius respectively if you want. Also the Lonesome Road perk is amazing for no-companion solo play.
And that's how you complete Lonesome Road at low level. Why the hell would you do this, you ask? Mainly, to rush certain pieces of gear exclusive to here very early and surprisingly without being as hard as you might think (Bitter Drink recipe, Advanced Riot Gear for explosive builds, Ulysses' Duster for Light Touch crit spam builds, Ed-E upgrades for resources and convenience, early access to the Armor of the 87th Tribe and Scorched Sierra power armor, etc) as well as a free Intense Training SPECIAL boost early for completing it. There's really no point in collecting strong gear if there's little to nothing left to use it against, so it's nice to get Lonesome's Road's stuff waaaaay before that point, even using it in other DLCs. It's funny wearing Gaius' armor while fighting the White Legs for maximum irony.
I also did this to put some more attention to the devs' design of gear progression which seems to have been made to allow for low-mid level completion purposes. A lot of thought came into providing players lacking in strong gear the means to bypass every single part of the DLC with a pretty cool progression of gear and tools to support the leveling experience, but the general consensus seems to have ignored this due to most choosing to do Lonesome Road as the finale or close to the end of their playthroughs. A lot of LR's exclusive weapons are generally considered subpar, but that's likely due to being designed as tools to fight Marked Men specifically rather than more bulkier, armored enemies. Either way, hopefully some of you decide to do this just to experience what it's like since needing to use a lot of convenient resources rather than ignoring or hoarding them makes this method a lot more fun than you'd expect after the "oh god please die quickly before insta-killing me" phase of the first few Marked Men.

why does everybody talk the same way, use the same slang, and be funny the same way, its all internet prescribed bullshit. how come when someone says something comedically charged, yet its the same format you've seen hundreds of times online and only remotely funny, people respond with "LMFAOOOO" as if its a revolution in comedy, when being funny isnt even that fucking hard or big of a deal. all it takes is to talk the same way, and you're good. it feels isolating, almost sinister.
also why do people call things cringe if their not actually feeling that feeling from said thing. they just use it as a nasty insult. i never actually cringe at the things themselves, just the fact that others are seeing it and could feel whatever way from it, and thats just unfortunate on everyone elses part because they, i guess, lack empathy. like minecraft cringe compilations, never actually found the actions themselves cringe, just the fact others are seeing it. i recognize their human and humans do things like this, not sure why people should be shamed for not being a complete product of the internet and other peoples opinions all the time, and doing something kindve wacky instead, people being cringe, when its not harmful like stupid minecraft comps, thats just the human experience being enunciated, we're not perfect creatures, so whats even the point.
the only time i use cringe is when its used maliciously against people being awful and morally currupt, otherwise, i dont give a fuck, and i hate that its even a thing, it feels like a way to keep people in check

This girl and I have been talking for around 4 months. It didn't start off with like, flirting. But it got to it and I honestly don't fall for girls fast but idk for her I just did. She said that she liked me as well and it was going well and we agreed to take things slow since we live super far from each other. I told everyone Im close with including my parents about her lol, I feel like a complete idiot. Ig I was also slightly rushing things and I kinda ruined it for myself {I wrote a poem and she liked it but didn't like a few lines. And honestly i should have never written that stupid thing}. I'm just so tried. I really did like her. I finally felt like I like someone. I always doubt that I'm loveable. My best friend knows that and always tries to reassure me and nothing helps, I knew from the start this wouldn't work idk why I got my hopes up. I just hope that I don't end up lonely. I'm scared of that,I need someone who can ve with me through my journey and honestly that's rare but she was that.. im so tired of trying. Good day you all.

Need to have the AI randomized.
The fact these things follow you, camp Objectives, camp your equipment, camp dropped objective equipment... Etc
It's dumb. It's unrealistic. All it is, is artificial difficulty.
Clearly the community is done with these stupid things. If you look at every planet that these stupid tornadoes exist on, they are the most ignored objectives on the map. No one wants to play with these things on the planets.
They either need to be completely randomized which would be natural or completely changed. I would rather have little exploding geysers that randomly go off than these stupid follow you around. Screw up your game tornadoes.
And if you're going to have them, follow me around the flame trail, at least at the very least needs to go away. All it does is make objectives completely impossible to do once the tornadoes beset your target and hang out.
I can only hope that the developers see this. I don't know why this isn't complained about more. It's so dumb. It's not fun. It's not funny anymore. It's just frustrating and stupid.
If I'm already playing on helldive, it doesn't need to be helldive with sentient tornadoes trying to penetrate me while I'm trying to fight off the hordes of helldive difficulty.
Do better Arrowhead.

So I work for a fashion company where I do social media. The team is quite small, so there really is only one manageboss. Besides being a pretty good but strict boss, he is insanely funny, masculine and just so hot. He works a lot, is always worried about being a shitty boss (which is kind of cute) and has this stupid rule: So the other day we worked with a model and the model tried to ask him out on a date and he respectfully declined. I asked him why and he said: if he starts dating models, the models he works with in the future might feel uncomfortable. I do not know if this rule of his only applies to the models or if he also does not want to date anyone he works with.
Anyways I have so fallen for this man and I know he is too respectful to do the first move. But I fear that things might get really weird if he also rejects me. Would this be unprofessional of me to ask him out on a date? I honestly cannot stop thinking about this guy.
Also I feel we have great chemistry together. We joke a lot. He always gives me advice when I need it and is super patient with me.

This is my perspective on Shippuden, after binging it in 2 weeks, 5 years after I finished it.
Nobody probably cares enough to read all this, so here is an overall summary of what different I think of the show from my first watch. I think the three biggest changes between now and then are:

1. me understanding the idea of Sasuke more, especially in his goals to destroy the leaf. I think I used to see him as much more of a villain that was eventually going to be changed by Naruto, without ever thinking about if he could be right.
2. Paying more attention to the backstories of madara and hashirama. I don't think I fully understood what was trying to be said from their stories, the ideas about cycles of violence and the eternal nature of conflict.
3. A newfound hatred for flashbacks. Seriously, I don't need to watch the same 10 obito flashbacks every single time he "dies". Same with sasuke, naruto and gaara. I've watched them enough. I get their characters.

Anyway, here it is. I bolded the things that stood out to me the most. have at ye.

1. The Kazekage’s Rescue (1–32)
   1. Pretty good, I remember almost all of it from when i tried to rewatch the show a couple years back.
2. The Long-Awaited Reunion (33–53)
   1. A little slow at the start, since all the Sai and Yamato stuff was pretty repetitive. Naruto going into 4 tails was pretty refreshing though, and what he said to sasuke when meeting him did regain my interest in the show.
3. Hidan and Kakuzu (72–88)
   1. I remember Hidan and Asuma’s death already, but it was still very interesting to watch. I didn’t remember his power’s exactly, so the reveal was pretty cool. I didn’t really remember kakuzu at all, and he was overall kinda interesting. I didn’t remember exactly what Naruto’s new jutsu was either, and I’m always a fan of the training parts, so that was fun. Of course, Shikamaru taking Hidan down was very satisfying, but what really got me excited was the rasenshuriken cutting the chakra paths of Kakuzu. That was really cool, and it felt like a letdown that we don’t really get to see it happen again after he learns to throw it.
4. The Master’s Prophecy and Vengeance (113–143)
   1. Sasuke’s new team was pretty meh, they’re all pretty annoying and I wasn’t that interested. What little we did get to see of killer bee was very fun, especially because of how powerful he is. At long last, tobi shows up. I didn’t remember much of him except for his powers. the second deidara fight with sasuke was pretty boring, it felt very ‘back and forth.’ Itachi vs Sasuke was amazing to watch, and I completely forgot the Itachi twist. That really shocked me. I did have Jiraya’s death spoiled when I first watched it, but the fight was still pretty interesting, especially because I didn’t remember the secret of pain.
5. The Two Saviors (152–175)
   1. Amazing arc. The training was super fun to watch. The decoding of the message (might have been the last arc) was also great, especially that joke. Naruto’s entrance was the most hype I’ve been for the show, as well as all the fights with the pains before it. When Kakashi died, I could not for the life of me remember any time he showed up, so I started to get nervous. I’ve always been a huge fan of Hinata, so her showing up was so satisfying. I had no clue that Naruto never knew his dad was the 4th hokage, but I probably should have realized it. Him showing up was great to watch. My only grudge is that the animation does get “sloppy” while naruto is chasing pain, and you can clearly see where they are reusing assets. Naruto talking to Nagato did remind me of the talk no jutsu meme, but the ideas were pretty interesting.
6. The Assembly of the Five Kage (197–221)
   1. It was okay. My favorite parts would probably the raikage fight and what Naruto said to Sasuke. I wasn’t that interested in Sakura’s thing, because it kinda made her look stupid. I remember Donzo’s reveal very clearly, but the battle was very interesting to watch.
7. War Arc part 1
   1. Naruto Training
      1. really cool to watch. I love the design of Naruto’s six path’s chakra partial form, and to be honest, when kushina showed up I cried.
   2. 7 ninja swordsman of the mist
      1. A little interesting, I guess it was fun to see guy and kakashi fight.
   3. Sasori, Deidora, and the other ones
      1. A little interesting, but for most of the war arc it felt like they were condensing the character development too much, making it feel cheap. Like Hanzo was a terrible person up until then, but in one fight he becomes good enough to turn into a ghost or whatever. also, flashbacks.
   4. Kinkaku and Ginkaku, plus white zetsus
      1. Pretty cool. I remember most of the beats, including Darui’s word switching. Choji becoming skinny and growing wings was very cool, and I was mostly tuned out until it happened. I knew that at some point a bomb blows up HQ, but I was worried the ghetto statue was going to show up and do it right away.
   5. 4 former kage
      1. This was a mixed bag. Gaara’s dad felt pretty cheap, and I was bored of gaara flashbacks at that point. 3rd(?) raikage was probably the best of the fights, but it didn’t feel like anyone there stood a chance. the particle guy felt overhyped a little, and the ___kage’s back breaking felt very repetitive. The bubble guy was absolutely hilarious, and the “I was aiming for the giant clam behind you” joke was probably one of the funniest jokes. When Madara got revived though, actually gave me chills, because I completely forgot the tobi twist.
   6. Itachi and Nagato
      1. Pretty cool to see both of them back. Itachi breaking kabuto’s control of him was hype, as well as learning about whatever power shisui’s eyes had (toto- something), and hearing itachi say that he can’t change sasuke’s mind was very moving. Overall, a nice sentimental break from the war stuff.
8. War arc part 2
   1. former jinchuriki
      1. a little forgettable, and ended pretty quickly.
   2. All the tailed beasts
      1. Pretty cool to see their powers, as well as more 8 tails. Naruto and Kuruma finally agreeing and opening the gate was an all time high of the show. The new design, as well as the 9 tails design were so hype.
   3. Sasuke and Itachi
      1. This was great. The conflict between sasuke’s goals and what itachi wants was very interesting. I didn’t care much for kabuto and his backstory. The izanami is probably my favorite sharingan power. Itachi’s final words to sasuke were such an amazing end to the character.
   4. Tobi
      1. Great gimmick for a fight. The connection of his two powers was great, as well as when kakashi kamoi’d a shadow clone. When Naruto asked why kakashi’s kamoi and tobi’s ability were linked, I was totally shocked. I think I maybe thought of obito once, but because he was such a different character, I ruled him out. Of course, then commenced the loooooong flashbacks of his history, which slowed down the pace a little.
   5. Kakashi Anbu Black ops:
      1. This is one of the few filler arcs I watched, and I have no clue why i skipped it last time. It really does live up to its reputation.
   6. Obito and Ten Tails
      1. Obito summoning ten tails with only the twins and the octopus arm was a huge shock. However, the first form of ten tails was pretty mid, and it didn’t look like a super powerful being. Naruto “summoning” everybody was okay, but it got overshadowed by the idea that they were going to take down the ten tails using effectively cement. Big surprise, it doesn’t work. Somewhere around here neji dies, which I completely forgot. Very sad. Also, headquarters finally gets bombed. rip. The sharing chakra was cool.
   7. The former Hokage
      1. Absolutely amazing. The designs all look so great, and it made me super hype to see them fight. It got a little slow with the backstory stuff, but them arriving was so great. Same with sasuke arriving, and finally seeing naruto and sasuke working together.
   8. Kakashi vs Obito
      1. This fight was pretty cool, but i’ll mark it here that at least 5 times they run the same 10ish obito flashbacks right before he “dies”. It’s so annoying, it feels like total padding.
9. Mecha naruto!!!
   1. Absolutely hilarious. almost every single joke lands, and its such a funny concept. I think I got the biggest laugh out of the mecha 9 tails being a vultron/power rangers style huge robot, which was so funny.
10. War Arc part 3
    1. Obito as the 10 tails jinchuriki
       1. great fight. I loved every part with Minato, he’s such a great character. I don’t really remember much of the fight, though. Again, the same exact flashbacks play when he’s about to die. I for a second thought he was going to renerebirth somebody, but the black zetzu controlling him was a heart breaker.
    2. Madara reborn
       1. Another great fight, this one especially makes you feel hopeless. The naruto and sasuke “deaths” were pretty shocking, same with the extraction of the tailed beasts. Madara is such a great character.
    3. Madara as the 10 tails jinchuriki
       1. About the same as when obito was it. Guy opening the 8 gates was absolutely amazing to watch, and it was part of the reason why I wanted to rewatch it. Somewhere around here, obito takes out the first, eighth, and yin 9th’s chakra and gives it to naruto, which was so great to watch. Them both talking to the sage of the 6th paths was also great. Same with their new powers, sooooo hype. I kinda knew it was coming, but the infinite tsukuyomi was pretty surprising. Somewhere here black zetsu reveals that he was secretly masterminding the return of kaguya, and changed the uchiha tablet, which was the coldest reveal in the entire show. So suprising.
    4. Jiraiya Shinobi Handbook: The Tale Of Naruto The Hero (432–450)
       1. This is the longest of the 3 dreams. It was pretty good, but a little hard to tell if it was all a story of jiraiya’s or not. idk. Maybe a little long, but that’s it.
    5. Itachi Shinden Book: Light And Darkness (451–458)
       1. ugh. one of my least favorite arcs ever. its sooooo slow, and we’ve already seen most of it. I was begging for it to get back to the fighting
    6. Kaguya Otsutsuki Strikes (459–468 & 470–479)
       1. Great final fight. amazingly designed final character, and the worlds stuff was super cool. Naruto’s “distraction” was so hilarious, it made me spit my drink out. I can not believe it actually worked. I was ready for kakashi to die when he jumped in front of the dust rod, but I also saw obito using kamoi coming. Again, it’s like the same exact flashbacks when he dies, and they do it at least twice in this fight. Kakashi using a susanoo was completely out of the blue, and I’m so sad he didn’t get to keep it. The final sealing felt pretty good, but could have been played up a little more.
    7. Naruto vs Sasuke
       1. This I didn’t really see coming at first, but then I remembered how it ended. Pretty good fight to end out the series, and the flashbacks after it was over finally felt like a fitting finale.
11. The last movie: The Last
    1. Again, I’m a huge fan of hinata, so I knew this was going to be great. The new designs are so amazing, especially kakashi’s. I didn’t even remember he became hokage at all. My only gripe was that sasuke shows up for one scene, and that’s it. like 20 seconds of screen time at most.
12. Final 3 Stories
    1. Sasuke
       1. Pretty decent. I loved seeing more of sasuke’s powers, but the plot of it wasn’t that good. I guessed that one of the two people that were following was likely the person causing the exploding people. Oh, and I had no clue why the guy was pretending to be fat.
    2. Shikamaru
       1. Pretty big fan of this character, but not so much the rest. The girl was so annoying, she didn’t feel like a member of the anbu at all. All the twists about pretending to be dead were very obvious.
    3. Wedding Gifts
       1. Probably the funniest streak of episodes in the series, and such a great ending. Team guy getting gifts was sooooo funny, such a great group. Orochimaru showing up randomly was also hilarious every time. I wish we could have gotten to see more of the wedding, but I get why they cut it there.

GUYS I SHIFTED TO HOGWARTS FOR A MINUTE AND IT FELT SO REAL HEAR ME OUT I DID NOT EXPECT IT. okay wait to contextualize I got into the whole shifting thing w/ a group of friends in 2020 and we were rlly into it. I still didnt shift to another reality so i stopped caring and took a long break
2 weeks ago i decided i would shift to hogwarts to meet the loml hermione LMAO SORRY
HERES WHAT HAPPENED

1. A dream: so usually i have extremely vivid dreams but this time around i didnt even dream abt my DR once so i was quite demotivated BUT about 4 days ago i went lucid in a dream and affirmed i was shifting and was counting to 100, and i was like wait let me imagine it in hermiones voice instead and then i literally felt insane vibrations and like a bright flash with patterns and then it went away in an insant and i could tell i was in the great hall and hermione's hand literally reached out to my shoulder. It was insane BUT SORRY GUYS it was SO FUNNY it was like a wonky ai generated version of hogwarts and i could tell it was just a dream. But i woke up so happy because i atleast got an idea of what it feels like, i mean my body could tell i was in the great hall i was IN THERE WTF. but this rlly motivated me and i knew i would shift soon
   
2. The actual shift: so i fucked up this lamp in my bedroom and it like flashes rapidly until it slows down to a half and works normally, usually i shift in the dark but i could care less and turned it on. i shut my eyes and it was flashing behind my eyes but i knew it was j the lamp. but i started gaslighting myself saying hmm im shifting rn this is literally what shifting would feel like, but then after a while i got rlly into and it started slowing down and my brain went FULL "IM FUCKING SHIFTING RN OMG" like i couldnt breathe, my heart started pounding and there were patterns in white and j like my dream it flashed white and jesus christ i swear on my family i was literally in the hogwarts courtyard. It felt so surreal holy shit, if i had to put it it's unlike ur imagination or ur dreams or anything, it felt like i was literally living in the movie and i was overwhelmed with this nostalgic feeling i get from the harrypotter series. my stupid brain started going oh that was j the lamp going still r u even there, and i think i shifted back because i started freaking out tm and my heart was going to fail.
   

the craziest part is, yk when youre imagining or dreaming of shifting u can honestly brush it off, but i freaked out because i was FULLY conscious, FULLY aware while that process took place and idk why im doubting myself still because it was so so real. I was laying down on the courtyard and the sky was so blue, and i could tell the hills were north of me and the castle was on my right. i need to HEAVILY EMPHASIZE about how aware i was and how real it felt. it didnt feel like a part of my fantasty or imagination i was j there
guys please motivate me cus i KNOW i shifted but im still doubting myself

I feel like I don't want to wake up anymore. I'm sleeping in the afternoons, staying up late and then being a total wreck in the morning because of it. But I need my naps, because 2h away from my family is what I need, not having to think about anything anymore. I feel bad because of it. They're good people and not abusive or anything really. My mom and my step father(whom I consider my 2nd father) are always arguing over dumb shit which is really getting too much at times. If there are more than 3 ppl in a room and talking I'm just so quickly.... overwhelmed? Idk. It's draining my battery and it's almost as if my brain is physically hurting from all the talking with each other, discussing, arguing, talking to ppl that are talking to someone else, and I'm starting to sometimes say that I don't want to talk to anyone because it's too much. Then I get funny looks and "haha she's done with us for today" or some stupid remarks. I can get pretty angry easily, and this is one of those situations. I'm trying to contain myself but if they say one more thing I'm prepared to yell a bit. I don't want to do that anymore. I know that I'm an AH for that, I've got that much self-reflection. (I'm trying to self reflect a lot because I take after my narcissistic father(not narcissistic myself tho), which my mother doesn't let me forget, but not in a mean way) So after all this I'm home, heading straight for my bed and just falling asleep. Then I wake up and I just want to be asleep again. I drown myself in mindless yt shorts until I can't handle the brainrot anymore, doodle a bit, read some stuff and go to bed. On schooldays I try to do it before midnight, but I sometimes just stay up, for whatever reason not being able to bring myself to go to sleep. It's not that I can't, I just don't want to. It's hard in general to get myself to do shit I should be doing, which leads to not doing it and feeling shitty in the aftermath. (This is kind of random, but I can't seem to figure out what I look like. I mean, I see myself in the mirror, try to think of how other people would perceive me and I just can't. Am I ugly? Pretty? Am I curvy or fat? BMI says normal, but do I look like that? I don't know) Anyways. I never postet before, not sure if I'm doing this right. (But I love reddit stories on yt) and English isn't my first language. Anyways, usually my days feeel like a daze. As if I'm there, but dreaming it? As if I was in my bodys shell watching another person controlling it in the meantime. The moments of clarity in between are beautiful, when I'm really truly aware of being there. In my mind, I'm talking to "the numbers". Not sure when I picked this up as a kid, maybe from inside out or a show about ppl wirth split personalities, but I started to have conversations with different, numbered versions of myself. It's fun and all, but I'm not entirely sure anymore if I can really shut them off forever. This was about it, there's stuff that's too personal to talk about that kind of fucked me up as a kid, which has nothing to do with my family or anything as bad as grape or assault or deaths, so don't jump to conclusions. I just wanted to say all this out loud for once, and calming my thoughts for a few minutes. I don't think that I'd actually kms. I thought about it, but can't actually see myself doing it. If I wouldn't wake up one day tho, I wouldn't mind. Eternal blackness may very well be what I need rn

It started off like the most romantic movie you've ever seen. I (m, 50s, American) was on a solo trip through Europe in April 2023 when I met her (f, 40s, French) at a super cool neighborhood party I got randomly invited to during my 1-day visit to Austria. We exchanged glances, and got to talking. She was very cute and French. It was so random, seemed like kismet. We connected instantly and we spent the whole night together (very PG and very sweet at first). Have you seen Before Sunrise? Kinda like that.
I left the next day to continue my journey in Europe. But we started texting constantly. Then she wanted to come with me to Istanbul for a few days. It seemed impulsive, but I readily agreed. It was pure bliss.
She was stylish, cute, demur, fun, smart, and she adored me completely. She would do this "flashbulb eyes" thing that would knock me out. Even some random person came up to us in Istanbul and said, "you are such a cute couple" and took our picture. I had been divorced for a few years and the dating scene where I live in California is not so great.
I go back to California and she goes back to Austria where she lives. She told me she had to call her mom 6 times to tell her about how in love she was, but had to hang up because she was crying so much and couldn't talk.
Constant texting, pictures, love messages, calls. It was so nice. She even wrote poems and made songs (they were a bit frantic and weird, but anyway). I told all my friends. They were so happy for me. I was very in love with her.
Then about a month later, I made a casual comment that I admitted to be "demanding", ie., I don't put up with a lot of crap. I could feel the change.
Her nephew came into town to spend a few weeks with her. She started to ignore me. The texts and songs and pictures trickled down. She said she had no time. But she was going to concerts, etc. It was bullshit. When I raised my concerns, she said I was shouting (I was just angry, but did not shout).
Curiously, it felt like a previous relationship that I had. It felt like love bombing and discarding. Finally, when she did get around to calling me, I told her that she can't treat people that way and that this seems like a personality disorder. (This time I really was shouting). So I ended it and blocked her. I was really sad, but I moved on. I went on lonely solo trips and even got back into dating (I actually had some promising dates!)
In October of last year, she slipped past the blockade, reached out, and I responded. I asked why she ditched me. I got no real answer but I wanted to believe. My friends told me don't do it. I knew the risks. I just desperately wanted that love again. I desperately wanted to have my L. She adored me. She was everything I wanted.
We meet up in DC for the most romantic Christmas I ever had. I was finally with someone I really loved. It was lovely. I was still hurt though. I wanted her to "kiss my heart" and tell me that she was sorry. She told me to "let it go". I just sucked it up.
On this trip, she told me about her late husband. She said they were very in love and never fought. He was Mexican and they met in Vienna years earlier. On a trip to visit his family in Mexico, they all were kidnapped, the men were separated from the women, the women were let go a few days later, but all the men disappeared. She told me she looked for him for 3 years before giving up.
So I gave her lots of slack. We also had a language barrier. We spoke English together, but her native language is French. I attributed any miscommunication to that as well.
We agreed to meet up again in Austin. And this is where the cracks really started to show. It was the first episode of her losing it. Right before the trip, she blew up after some text exchange. I don't remember what happened as per usual ("bewildered" is how I felt with these episodes). She said she was devastated and that we shouldn't meet anymore in Austin.
So I stayed up all night talking her off the ledge. We made up and I was happy again. I totally ignored this and following episodes.
We had a nice time in Texas. So much that we decided that we wanted to be together. When we got back to our respective countries, she told me she was moving to California (no discussion with me, just a decision on her part). Shortly thereafter, she told me she was going to start studying to get her master's. Then she was going to apply for another job in Vienna (???) Then she realized that wouldn't be a good idea. Anyway...
I wanted her to be here in California with me but it's really tough to move to the US without being married. She didn't really think anything through, she just thought some company would give her a work visa. It don't work like that, honey. I was ready to marry her (but she still was technically married because she didn't have the death certificate of her late husband who disappeared).
Meanwhile, I had a ticket to meet her in Austria and spend 2 1/2 weeks together. I just wanted to experience "normal boring life" together. We got along so great when we did. She liked all the music I liked, even stuff that she really shouldn't have heard (obscure stuff from the 80s). (Looking back, maybe this was mirroring.)
Right before my trip, I got to worrying that she was coming to live here in August sight unseen. I was afraid I was building up an image of some idyllic life, when in reality California has tons of problems. So I made a video to show her the nice things, but also the bad things of my neighborhood. When I mentioned this, she lost it. "You don't want me to come. I hate you. You're awful. Don't come to Austria." She later called and we made up. Again. This was 12 hours before I got on the plane.
I went to Austria. The first 1.5 days were great. Then her aunt and uncle came to stay with us from France. They are all very close. But her 1 bedroom apartment made for close quarters, especially since I had never met them. Spanish was the common language (I'm fluent, so no problem). I liked them. They were a cute couple and they cared about her a lot. The uncle told me "you know what happened to her. She loves you very much, so please take care of her". I said I would of course. I really loved her.
But the next day her mood changed. She was happy and chipper with them (and her shitshow best friend) but cold to me. I wasn't included in the conversations really. She didn't try to bring me into the fold. Not everyone is a good conversationalist, I reasoned.
The following day, we were all supposed to go to Prague. Romantic Prague. But in the morning, she told me "you were sulking all day yesterday" and "you obviously don't like my aunt and uncle so why don't you just go your own way."
This is on my vacation, mind you.
I felt trapped. But we made up 15 minutes later and all went to Prague. She was still grumpy with me.
That night, on the river in romantic Prague, she called me a robot and said she didn't know who I was. She said I should leave.
So that night, I had to figure out a plan. I still had a bunch of my stuff at her apartment in Vienna. I also had her spare key. I felt the heebie jeebies, worried about my physical safety. I couldn't sleep.
My plan was to take the train to her place in Vienna, grab my stuff, leave her key, and peace out.
But the next morning, she realized I had the extra key, and threatened to call her uncle and the police if I didn't give it to her.
So I found myself walking around romantic Prague at 7am with just some of my crap, no plan, and no sleep. I felt like some refugee. Then she called. "Do you want to talk over coffee?" I had no other plan.
We make up of course. The next day we are hot and heavy in a church tower in a little Czech town. We were back, making out, holding hands, acting like teenagers. It was so nice.
Don't ask me how I could forget what had happened just a few hours prior.
We went back to Austria and had another nice day, making plans to go on adventures. Yes, we were now talking about me moving to Austria.
But the next night, right before the aunt and uncle were to go back to France and we were supposed to go to Budapest, she blew it up again.
She had a knack for blowing things up right before really important events.
I had left the bathroom fan on and she just lost it.
(By the way, all of these blowups where in whispers so that aunt and uncle could not hear. She's very sweet to her family and I guess she can do no wrong.)
We were in bed and now it was my turn to lose it. In a whisper, I said, "you're stupid and you have this ugly evil face".
Then she kicked me while in bed. She was LIVID.
Still in a raging whisper, she told me to get out (in my underwear I guess) and if not, she was going to "make a scene".
I was so scared.
Then she just got into bed. And I followed.
We talked it over. She said I deserved to be kicked. I told her no words should lead to violence.
Back to normal. We went to Budapest for a few days and then back to Vienna. Now we're alone together, at last. And guess what? We had a great time. We rode her bike in the park with her sitting on the back rack, like kids. We went shopping. I treated her to restaurants (I paid for everything on the whole trip, about $2k). We played guitar and sang together. We went to the Prater and rode rollercoasters. We made love.
On the last day, she took me to the airport. We had breakfast and we both were sad. But we had plans for the future.
She walked me to security and we said our goodbyes.
When I got to the gate, I get a text. "You didn't look back when you went through security. I'm so sad. Have a nice flight!" I had to talk her off the ledge again: "I thought you were leaving, I'm so sorry my love. I didn't mean to. I love you so much."
When I got back, I was so exhausted. I thought it was the jetlag, but I was on edge. I was angry and didn't know why. Snipping at my coworkers. My body hurt I was so tired.
But I was looking for jobs in Austria. I still hadn't realized anything.
I had an opportunity to go camping in Yosemite a few days later on Friday. Even though I was so tired, I knew I should take the opportunity (campsites there are hard to get). I called her Friday am, asked her how her day was. She knew I still hadn't packed and had a very important presentation to give too. I realized I need to get ready for that presentation that was starting in just a few minutes. "Sorry my love, I need to go. Got to get ready. I will send you a message when I get to Yosemite."
Then right when my presentation was about to start, I get a message. "You are so cold. You knew I was hurting but you ended the call so abruptly."
That was it. The last straw.
When driving up to Yosemite, I told my friend the whole story. I hadn't told anyone about all the explosions and breakups. I couldn't believe my own ears. Was I actually saying these things?
Then it hit me. I had to end it.
Later that week, I sent her an email to end it. I knew a phone conversation would end badly. Email is not the classiest, but I did what I could.
I got hateful texts, then texts trying to get me back, showing pictures of the stuffed animals I got her. Then her final one.
Then it hit me. This was abuse. The realization has been coming in waves. And this wasn't the first experience I had either. I dated M a few years earlier who actually ENJOYED abusing me. I could even see a little smile when she would throw insults or say things to shock me.
I don't think L is a narcissist. She couldn't help it. She even told me once that I could help her "heal".
EPILOGUE
Looking back, L told me on several occasions that I wouldn't like her once I got to know her. She was right about that one. She said she wasn't smart and that I wouldn't like her (but she spoke 4 languages and has a couple of university degrees and a good job). She said if we lived in Paris, I would leave her for a Parisian girl.
I see all these other things that I ignored. Like how she called herself a "party girl" and would go dancing with her girlfriends, but no guys would ever talk to her. Right.
No guys from the beach volleyball meetup group she organized would ever try to get with her. Right.
The guy who gave her a book of Sufi poetry (very romantic) wasn't hitting on her. Right.
The old guy who she met at the airport and wrote to her and signed off as "ton Ron" ("your Ron") was just some nice old guy. Right.
So right when I met her, she had just moved out of her old place with her ex, even though they had only dated for a couple of weeks and stayed as "roommates" for the remaining 5 years. Then two weeks later you get with me? Right.
I got her and her family a bunch of little gifts and she gave me whatever was in her cupboard and cheap socks with bears with 3 eyes. Meanwhile, she went to great lengths to get gifts for her people.
Maybe she saw me as a ticket to live and study for free in America.
I was a total fool. Maybe she never even loved me. Or am I just telling myself this to make it easier for me?
I wrote a second email telling her a lot of these thoughts, but in a polite tone. I asked her to get help.
I blocked her everywhere of course. But even though I set up a filter to delete any incoming email, I still check my trash box 5 times a day to see if she wrote.
How I wish that she actually got help and that she could actually be in a real relationship with me. I know, I know.
Why did you hurt me, L? I would have done anything for you. I was your bear, your prince, remember? I was perfect for you, remember?
I'm crying as I write this.
I hate this. I don't want to be alone again. You were the one for me.
I miss you.

TW: This is about self doubt, anxiety and self hate.
i want to share another story of family and people who were supposed to be my safe space hating me and breaking me, hoping that they might be other people with similar experiences so that they dont feel alone.
Hey i am a medical student in germany, and only now i am realizing how massive my problems are. I am 21yo moved out 6 months ago and started therapy just recently. I lived my life accepting being in a constant state of awareness, rush and stress in every decision and thought i make, but particurlarly in social situations. i wake up anxious, i question every decision i make. i fear judgement and i judge and think about my actions all the time. I am trying to be better all the time and life was so hard. on the other side life is so beautiful and i dont want to live my life in this state.
During childhood, my family demanded obedience. Everything must be followed and everything else so as i was a child and never developed my self worth and confidence, i constantly was under obedience i had to listen and to follow. and never really developed my own thoughts. never really developed my own values. and my family hated each other. there was only judging and controlling each other and hating. i never felt secure and i still dont feel secure with my parents. i never had a safe space to express my negative feelings. they were always neglected and pushed away.
so when i was with another person, he told me manipulative things and i had to follow them, because i accepted and still accept every thought other people give me. he was at first a school friend i spent much time with, i trusted him we were best friends. i listened to him an trusted him. but suddenly he told me that other peobple hated me he told me that i am stupid and useless. he broke me. he knew that i would accept everything from others and continued planting this doubts and hate into me. that went over many years. everytime i was around him he planted these thoughts inside of me after evry interaction ih ad he said to me that the other person hated me. i adapted these kind of thinking patterns and until now i still think them and they are breaking me. i wake up anxious and think about every interaction i have with other people. judging every action and every thought i have. its exhausting and its hurtful. i cant enjoy being around people because i think i have to be funny or have to perform. its stress and its not being there.
only recently i discovored that this is not the state other people find themselves in, yes people think what they do and social interactions are alway somewhat scary. but i suffer so much and other people seem to be much more free than i am. only recently i discovered that some people actually have a safe space at home and are able to express their doubts and negative feelings etc. i never had that and i still interact the way i interact with my parents:

1. i always think that people expect something from me
2. i always think that people hate me

and thats all because that was demanded in childhood and with this former friend and manipulator
I know there is much potential in me. i know i am creative, sensible, have great capacity to think through situations. I want to change the world to be a better place as a physician. I am also working in a elementary school looking after kids and trying to give them every positive thing i can give them.
i want to feel better i want to connect with other people and there is so much pain and doubt and missed meaningful things in my life all because they are negative thinking patterns that were planted inside of me. and i am afraid to talk about it because its so absurd. its so absurd that i hate myself and that i have so much pain that i inflict to myself. this is illness. i am dissociating from conversations to judge and think about things that i said a minute ago. i am not free and i think and think and i hate conversations. i hate being around people because i feel obliged to serve them all the time.
I live in a privileged part of the world and i have everything. i have a home, i can buy quality food, have every entertainment i want, i have peace and freedom, objectively. and i hate that i am still not well. there are people with real objective problems like war and poverty, and i live here in peace, hating myself because someone broke me.
I think this is cPTSD, and my therapist is talking with me about it. We are talking about medication as well, and I am getting better at opening myself. about changing the ways i think. but still, life is very hard everyday. i try to tell myself that i am fine as well, and i pretend that i am fine and happy. but it slowly doenst work anymore.
i hope someone can relate and i can alleviate the fear of being alone with this sort of problem.

I know this is a stupid question but can someone please explain this joke to me. I find the scene hilarious but have never understood why this one line is so funny to people. To me it seems like a valid thing for Michael to ask and I think the joke has gone over my head cause I’m autistic.

It’s no secret that Disney isn’t doing well lately - they just laid off nearly 15% of the workforce at Pixar, their movie studio that used to produce guaranteed hits, but Pixar’s recent films “Elemental” and “Lightyear” were bombs, and the division hasn’t turned a profit in more than two years. People just didn’t go for the strained interracial/immigrant metaphor in “Elemental” or the same-sex kiss in “Lightyear,” or the rehashed, stale vibe of both projects.
Additionally, Disney’s much-touted “fully immersive” “Star Was”hotel called the “Galactic Starcruiser,” shut down late last year, after operating for less than two years - Disney had spent hundreds of millions of dollars on the project, apparently on the theory that people cared so much about the “Star Wars” brand that they’d be willing to spend thousands of dollars for the privilege of staying two nights in a windowless concrete building posing as a spaceship. That didn’t pan out; apparently people weren’t excited to stay in a hotel where the experience is seemingly designed to be as aggressively unpleasant as possible.
Now, that same quarter, Disney’s streaming service, Disney+, reported a loss of more than a million subscribers, and that’s not even getting into Disney’s decision to get involved in Florida politics, on the side of activist teachers who want to talk to kindergartners about “gender identity” and “sexual orientation.”
Faced with this brand collapse, Disney had two options: One option was to retool their content to focus on entertainment and family values instead of activism, which is what Disney used to do when it was a universally beloved and much more financially successful company - they can get back to their roots, in other words, and not in the sense of churning out more remakes, but in the sense of being a company that makes wholesome family films that capture a real sense of wonder and imagination.
But the other option was to keep doing exactly what they’ve been doing, and continue to shove the same agenda—the equity/representation/LGBTQ approach—that they’ve been pushing for years now.
Well, eight months ago, Disney’s CEO, Bob Iger, publicly pledged to pursue the first option: He declared that Disney would refocus its efforts on entertainment, not political messaging - that was the plan, or at least the plan that was shared with the public, but that’s not what has happened.
Disney, over the past eight months, has apparently decided to double down on agenda-driven content, to the point that they’re now openly attacking their own fans. It’s a remarkable turn of events, and it’s one that’s worth discussing because this development is not unique to Disney. And it suggests that “wokeness,” as we call it, may not be the best way to describe what we’re seeing at Disney and other major corporations like it. That’s PART of what we’re seeing, but there’s something else going on here as well. It looks a lot like corporate mediocrity run amok - the private-sector version of what we see across the public-sector bureaucracy. Unimpressive people with impressive-sounding credentials, who check the right demographic boxes, are taking the helm of businesses and products that they don’t understand. They’ve insinuated themselves into these companies like a cancer that’s evidently impossible to remove, and even when the company CEO publicly tells them one thing, they’re free to do another.
Now, to get a better idea of what I mean, take a look at this interview from the other day, featuring Leslye Headland, the creator of the new Disney “Star Wars” show, “The Acolyte.” Now, I don’t want to prejudice you in any way, so I’ll just play the clip with no further introduction: This is the showrunner talking about her show.
So don’t worry about the story, or the plot, or the characters—who has time for that?—instead, just listen to these two women call old “Star Wars” characters gay, and then giggle like schoolgirls. They are excited that this new “Star Wars” show will be the gayest “Star Wars” show yet - which is, in every way, the exact opposite of what the audience actually wants. NOBODY has watched the recent “Star Wars” films and shows, and said to themselves, “You know, this would be better if only it was even gayer.” No one has thought that, except for the people behind this show.
Now, the only thing you learn from that interview is that Leslye Headland is gay and has no respect whatsoever for her audience or her own show - this is how Disney is promoting the latest entry in a franchise they spent $4 billion to buy a decade ago, and that has a lot of fans wondering how exactly she was CHOSEN for the role of showrunner. If her role is to push some subversive woke ideology, she’s not being very subversive about it. She’s just angering as many fans as she possibly can, and that’s all this is.
And she’s not the only one doing this: the CEO of Lucasfilm—a woman named Kathleen Kennedy—just came out in defense of her showrunner - Kennedy declared that if you’re not a fan of how Leslye Headland is handling herself, then you probably hate women.

I think Leslye has struggled a little bit with it. I think a lot of the women who step into Star Wars struggle with this a bit more. Because of the fan base being so male-dominated, they sometimes get attacked in ways that can be quite personal. … My belief is that storytelling does need to be representative of all people. That’s an easy decision for me.

Yes, she really said that. “Storytelling does need to be representative of all people,” says the CEO of Lucasfilm, as she mocks her own fanbase. These people are so dumb that they don’t even understand the words coming out of their own mouths - “Representative of all people,” really? Are they gonna have eight billion characters in this show, one for each person on Earth? How exactly is this going to work? Is storytelling supposed to be “representative of all people”—whatever that means—or is it supposed to be representative of the distinct creative vision of the storyteller?
I was gonna show some more clips of these women, but it’s honestly too painful to subject you to - these are people who can’t even communicate without descending into valley girl nonsense, and they’re putting together shows that they expect millions of people to watch. Kathleen Kennedy was lucky enough to work with Steven Spielberg, and Leslye Headland worked on rom-coms with titles like “Sleeping With Other People,” so those are their credentials, and they’re considered impressive in the industry, I guess, so they get to continue butchering “Star Wars.”
By the way, “The Acolyte” was released this week and—as has become a new tradition for “Star Wars” films and shows—it has a very high critics score on Rotten Tomatoes, like, 88%, but a failing grade of 45% from the audience. That is the dynamic we always see now with these things.
Joel Berry, who apparently subjected himself to at least some of the show, offered this review:

The Acolyte is a queer, Marxist vandalization of the myth of Star Wars. In The Acolyte, the Force is a metaphor for cultural hegemonic power. The Jedi are a metaphor for cisgender white oppressors who hoard the power for themselves. Yes, it really is that obnoxious and stupid.

The account Wall Street Silver offered this viewer warning:

The Acolyte, Star Wars new series streaming, very woke. 1) main character has two mothers 2) main Jedi characters are all Black and Asian, no white men 3) only speaking role for white men in first episode is prisoners on prison ship.

So Disney has decided to right the ship by ramming it directly into another iceberg. And hat’s not to pick on “The Acolyte” too much, although it obviously deserves it. Because of the fact that Disney is now pumping out “Star Wars” shows on an assembly line, there’s another one that I can mock as well, it’s called “Tales of the Empire,” and this one is apparently geared towards kids, and I guess it features a nonbinary Jedi, based on how all of the characters use “they/them” pronouns to refer to his corpse - If you can get through it, here it is:

SITH 1: “They’re still alive. We need to get them to the ship. We can save them!”
SITH 2: “Forget it. Let them die. It’s not worth the trouble.”
SITH 1: “They were about to surrender!”
SITH 2: “Irrelevant! The Jedi are a threat to be eradicated wherever they are found.”

That’s the one where that bad guy KILLS someone, but then still respects that person’s pronouns after having murdered them. So that’s nice, at least.
This is the result of Disney’s big plan to focus on “entertainment” and not “messaging:” We have nonbinary Jedis and girl bosses making sure we get the gayest “Star Wars” ever,” and that’s not all.
As Bloomberg recently reported, Disney is now banking on the upcoming film “Inside Out 2” as the, “key to restoring the magic” - hey think this film—a sequel to a movie from 2015–is going to be a smash hit, to the point that they’re going to give it a 100-day run in theaters. As Bloomberg reports:

If families show up for Inside Out 2 in the kinds of numbers Pixar used to see, it will reaffirm the studio’s standing. But if the movie fails, it will fuel concerns about the company’s relevance.

And by the way, the whole article is kind of funny because it’s all about how Disney has come up with their brilliant strategy to get back on track, and their brilliant strategy is to do more sequels and remakes. And of course, anyone who reads that is like, “Isn’t that what you’ve been doing the whole time? Isn’t that the ONLY thing you’ve done for 20 years, now?”
Now, what is “Inside Out 2” gonna be about? It’s hard to say because it’s not out yet, but after some Googling, I came across this headline from an outlet called Pride.com, and here’s their assessment based on the trailer:

The long-awaited sequel to Disney and Pixar’s Inside Out isn’t hitting theaters until this summer, but the official trailer dropped this week…and it’s looking a little gay. … Fans think Inside Out 2 is going to be gay AF.

And how brave is that? They’re also gonna, I guess, gay-ify “Inside Out,” or maybe they will - which was kind of a middling Pixar entry in the first place. Is that the direction they’re going with it? Who knows, but based on the fact that they can’t make ANYTHING that isn’t gay, we can assume the answer to that question is probably yes.
And ALL of this is very woke. That’s true. It’s also incredibly lame and stale and unimaginative, and that would also be an apt descriptor for what Disney is doing with its theme parks. As the writer Peachy Keenan documented on X/Twitter, Disney is currently re-theming their famous “Splash Mountain” ride because the ride was racist for some reason, and they’re creating a politically correct version of the new ride—so they’re doing this even with the rides now—Keenan watched all of Disney’s promotional materials, and she put together a comparison of the old ride with the new one. Basically, the new ride won’t have Princess Tiana in a nice dress with a handsome prince, or even a storyline of any kind, I guess, because that’s too archaic and patriarchal:

Instead, you get a lot of dead space, repeated boring animatronic who look like zombies compared to the Pirates animatronics, and Tiana—incredibly—in ugly baggy pants, no makeup, no nonsense hair, zero glamour. … It’s Girl Boss Tiana and she’s dressed like a Jungle Cruise.

That’s the direction they’re going with their theme parks. Sounds thrilling. Now, I was trying to figure out why all of this is happening at Disney—why they’re sabotaging their own brand, despite what the CEO said they’d do—and it’s clear that, whatever’s going on here, it’s not unique to Disney.
Consider what just happened at Cracker Barrel. Their CEO is a woman named Julie Felss Masino, she took the job last year. Previously, she worked at Taco Bell, Mattel, Sprinkles Cupcakes, Starbucks, and Macy’s. And of course, the clientele of every single one of these companies is very different from the typical Cracker Barrel clientele, which skews older, but in general, her old jobs were mostly in the food industry, just like ”The Acolyte” showrunner’s jobs were mostly in the entertainment industry, and that’s good enough, so Julie Masino got the job.
Unfortunately, it’s not working out too well. Masino just announced on a call with investors that the company is, “just not as relevant as we once were.” Because, you know, when think of Cracker Barrel, you think of “relevant” - that’s why Cracker Barrel’s customers got there, because it’s so relevant. But now it’s NOT as relevant so they need to make it relevant again, she said. And, to “ignite growth,” she said, it’s necessary to “revitalize” the brand. She then outlined a bunch of generic initiatives like rewards programs that every other restaurant offers, and her announcement—because people know what that really means when you have one of these mediocre corporate people saying that “we’re gonna revitalize the brand and make it relevant again,” everyone knows what that means, everyone knows where that goes—and because of that, the stock went down 11% immediately, putting it down nearly 50% in the past year - and why WOULDN’T the stock drop? The new CEO clearly views Cracker Barrel as completely indistinguishable from every other place that she’s ever worked - if anything, she probably HATES the brand, and we can assume she hates the brand’s primarily blue collar, Christian clientele.
We saw something similar with that Bud Light VP, Alissa Heinerscheid, when she dismissed her own customers as “fratty” and said Bud Light needed a rebrand, and that’s when they brought on Dylan Mulvaney, and we all know how that turned out. So Alissa Heinerscheid, like Julie Masino, had great credentials—she went to Harvard and Wharton, and had worked at big companies like Listerine and General Mills—but she didn’t understand Bud Light or care about the customers—in fact, she HATED the customers and was very open about that—and so she destroyed the brand.
Now the same thing is probably unfolding at Cracker Barrel. And it’s a very slow-motion, preventable collapse. On social media, someone using the handle “Pine Barron” summed up the problem better than I’ve seen elsewhere - here’s what he wrote, describing an alternative to Cracker Barrel’s current CEO:

Imagine a CEO who actually loved Midwestern and Southern culture. What about pop up concerts and endorsements by Zach Bryan and Morgan Wallen? Why not lean into its heritage as an ‘after church’ spot and create programs for church groups including discounts and shuttle bus services. Grassroots evangelical support has made huge hits of movies like the Sound of Freedom and restaurant chains like Chik-Fil-A. … Imagine a public company with leadership that didn’t hate the blue collar evangelical population. There are so many obvious partnership opportunities with brands like NASCAR or country music stars. I don’t think this is wokeness or girlbossery per se, but rather typical corporate mediocrity. … They hired a generic MBA type who built a career on the massive brand equity of Yum Brands and Starbucks. … Just a cog in the corporate machine. I hope we will see titans of industry again but this is not how we’ll get them.

That does a fairly good job of putting into perspective everything we’ve been seeing over the past few years at Disney, Bud Light, and so many other major corporations. And I think it’s a more apt explanation than simply chalking all of this decline up to “wokeness.”
This trend of hiring interchangeable CEOs with resumes and trendy demographics has been an unmitigated disaster because it overlooks what the leader of every company should have, at a bare minimum, which is an understanding of their product and a genuine respect for their customers. Without that, you get shows like “The Acolyte.” You get Dylan Mulvaney and angry customers, and your stock collapses along with your brand.
All the combined efforts of feminism and diversity and equity and wokeness have brought us to this point, all of those things together. But it’s bureaucracy and inertia that keeps it alive, long after everyone’s tired of it. And that inertia is the reason why—whether you’re going to a restaurant or a movie theater—you’re now guaranteed a product that’s as mediocre as the people who created it.

I'm a month out from surgery, and I am dealing with post-op regrets. It all amounts to me wondering if I should have considered keeping the gyno. I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade. I'm not here to argue against the surgery in general. But what I am here to do is to highlight some things I wish I understood before doing the surgery.
There are so many pro-surgery posts on this subreddit. I think we can bear to have a few more that pump the breaks on the process and look at it more cautiously. It's okay to have the surgery, but I was too gung-ho -- this lead to me having gaps in my planning, and I failed to mentally prepare myself for certain challenges.
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have gotten the surgery. At the very least, I should've waited more. In retrospect, the psychological, financial, and recovery costs outweighed the aesthetic benefits. Other guys describe the surgery improving their lives immediately. That wasn't my experience. I saw my new masculine chest at the follow-up appointment, and to my surprise, I did not care that much even though I spent a year planning in earnest for the surgery. I wanted the surgery, but now that I'm living with the result, I can say that I made a mistake.
Those reading this may think I am a wimp and stupid, but lol, go right ahead. I just want to add my experience to help those on the fence about the surgery. Even if they still get the surgery, they can mentally prepare themselves better than I did.
1) How much do you really "hate" your gyno? Understanding this puts the challenges of surgery into high relief: A lot of posts on this subreddit are dudes asking if surgery is worth it. The typical answer they get is, "It's worth it if it's worth it to you." But that, imo, doesn't clarify anything. Even before surgery, I did not see eye to eye with guys who talked about their gyno in terms of hate. They really, really, really HATED the gyno. For me, I coexisted with it. Yes, I had anxiety about it; yes, I was once bullied in school about it; and yes, it affected my confidence in my dating life. But my discomfort was always brief and situational, if recurrent. Though I had anxiety about my gyno, that was a normal, incidental insecurity. Real anxiety, however, set in after the surgery. I've been constantly worrying about my results, deeply depressed over spending a chunk of my savings, and worried about my longterm health. That's real anxiety -- all encompassing, hurting my ability to sleep and work. It's the most depressed that I've been in my adult life. Gyno never ruined my life like this. The surgery did. (Fyi, I'm seeing a therapist right now, so no worries.) A lot of you can do recovery standing on your heads because you truly hate your gyno. Gyno gave you real anxiety. But I had a lot more difficulty with the surgery because I had a lot more reservations about the process, and because I failed to understand my own "anxiety" about gyno. Accordingly, recovery is way more difficult for me.
2) Consider the possibility of living with your gyno: I wish I considered this in earnest before my surgery. Now I'm learning about guys who've reported success in dating despite their gyno, and am learning that many, though not all, significant others don't care about the gyno (https://www.reddit.com/gynecomastia/comments/11s87ml/how\_unattractive\_is\_gynecomastia\_to\_women/, https://www.reddit.com/gynecomastia/comments/svvpbw/people\_with\_gyno\_do\_you\_have\_girlfriends\_and\_how/). Many guys get the surgery because the gyno was mentally crippling, but though my gyno gave me some anxiety, I believe that, with enough time, I might have found peace with it. I'm sorry that I did not consider this sooner. I'm sorry I did not have the courage to even think of trying.
3) If you pursue surgery, take your surgery fears seriously: I didn't consider surgery for years in part because of money, but also because the idea of surgery was so risky to me. I do not like the idea of giving that much trust to a stranger over my body. In time, however, I convinced myself to man-up. But those reservations leapt back up after my surgery. Fears of nerve damage, scarring, cratering, etc. I am often terrified.
4) Post-op numbness and sensitivity is frightening: I've seen Reddit dudes be flippant about about the post-op numbness, and I mentally downplayed nerve disruption before getting my gland excision and lipo. Now that I am a month into recovery, however, I can say that plastic surgery was a mistake for me. The numbness is absolutely frightening, can last months, and outweighs whatever "anxiety" I ever got from the gyno. With the benefit of hindsight, that alone is reason to avoid the surgery. Nevermind the sexual element of nipple sensation. Nerves are how we experience the world. Killing the nerves, if briefly, kills your ability to live on a base level. What was I thinking? The funny thing is, I was already worried about it, but decided that traditional gyno surgery was better than skin excision. This brings me to the next point...
5) Doing the surgery was EXTREMELY stupid for me: I decline to release pictures of myself because of privacy reasons, but I was a semi-substantial case. I did most of my consultations when I was obese, and two surgeons told me that my skin would NOT retract in part because of my age: I am in my mid-30s. Those two doctors heavily recommended skin excision surgery. The other surgeons I spoke to, including the one I hired, were not 100 percent confident that I would retract. Cut to the present day. My skin retraction is pretty darn good. I have some issues with my results, but I'm still relatively early on in my recovery, so I'll hold my peace about that for now. So why do I already regret surgery? Because I took a dumb risk. The worst possible result would have been to get surgery and deal with sagging skin. For all I know, my skin might to start sag after I remove my vest! This defeats the purpose of surgery! It's not worth the risk! Stupid, stupid, stupid! So why would I insist on getting the surgery? Because I'm bullheaded and because of FOMO!
6) FOMO -- fear of missing out -- is not a reason to rush the process: I don't want to understate my pre-op anxiety about the gyno. It was certainly there, if low-level, and it was recurrent enough that learning about skin laxity last year got in my head. I set an arbitrary deadline for this year to lose weight and get surgery. But that's a terrible approach if you still have reservations about surgery. Surgery is irrevocable. You cannot force the matter. If you fuck up, you fuck up forever. You have to be 100 percent gung-ho about it, and it was a mistake for me to do it when I still had reservations. Looking back, one of my biggest strengths as a person is that when I set a goal for myself, I stick to it. One of my biggest weaknesses as a person, however, is that when I set a goal for myself, I stick to it. I was inflexible about the gyno surgery even though I had serious concerns.
7) My research had blindspots: Like I said, I've been planning this surgery about a year, but looking back, I glossed over certain important things. For example...
8) Respect the months-long recovery process: Recovery comes in two phases. The first involves religiously wearing a recovery vest, sleeping on your back, and avoiding heavy weights. Many doctors recommend up to six weeks for this phase. Few people talk as much about the second phase, however. The second phase involves months of swelling, numbness, internal scar tissue, etc. You need to respect and understand this second phase before surgery. I personally glossed over it during my research. Accordingly, recovery became a lot more difficult and anxiety-ridden for me because I wasn't mentally prepared.
9) Bring pictures to consultations: When speaking to a surgeon, have printed before-and-after pictures of your desired results, and bring pictures of results you want to avoid. These should probably be pictures that resemble your gyno case. I never did that, but looking back, I think I could have communicated my concerns better. Do not have a "Jesus, take the wheel" approach with your surgeon, even if they're considered good at their job. Their personal aesthetics may not match your personal aesthetics. Guide them.
10) Research lipo!: I took lipo for granted because I was overweight, but I should've researched it anyway. If I did, I would have learned it results in nerve damage. Also, like another reddit user (whose post I cannot immediately find), I'm worried about the potential that my chest is now too flat for my body. Right now, that's just insecurities on my part. In any case, arrive at your consultations ready to discuss lipo in detail. Work together with your doctor in determining the correct amount of fat to take out. Would you even benefit from lipo?
11) Ask your surgeon about their revision policy, and accept the chance that you may need a revision: The stupidest thing I did during my consultations was that I never, ever asked my doctors about their revision policy. Will it cost the patient money? I naively came into the process ready to do only one procedure. But this subreddit is littered with posts from guys who are unhappy with their results, even from popular surgeons. Ask yourself if you're willing and able to do multiple procedures in the event that your first surgery didn't do as hoped. Are two surgeries -- and the related recovery periods -- worth it for you?
12) Once you get the doctor's cost estimate, wait at least a week before you agree to do surgery: Even if you and your surgeon are love at first sight, wait a while. Be cautious. It's just good life advice when making a huge purchase like this. Take that time to ask them any other follow up questions that come to mind.
13) And before you pay, think HARD about the cost: I did not really hurt myself by paying for surgery, but man, I would still love to have that money in my bank account.
Maybe I'll change my mind about surgery several months from now, but right now, I don't mind sharing these thoughts on it.
Tl;dr: I regret surgery because I did not understand my own mind before getting it. Living with gyno is a viable alternative if you're mentally up for it; read up on people who are happy with their gyno. And if you pursue surgery anyway, plan carefully and cautiously.

TW: This is about self doubt, anxiety and self hate.
i want to share another story of family and people who were supposed to be my safe space hating me and breaking me, hoping that they might be other people with similar experiences so that they dont feel alone.
Hey i am a medical student in germany, and only now i am realizing how massive my problems are. I am 21yo moved out 6 months ago and started therapy just recently. I lived my life accepting being in a constant state of awareness, rush and stress in every decision and thought i make, but particurlarly in social situations. i wake up anxious, i question every decision i make. i fear judgement and i judge and think about my actions all the time. I am trying to be better all the time and life was so hard. on the other side life is so beautiful and i dont want to live my life in this state.
During childhood, my family demanded obedience. Everything must be followed and everything else so as i was a child and never developed my self worth and confidence, i constantly was under obedience i had to listen and to follow. and never really developed my own thoughts. never really developed my own values. and my family hated each other. there was only judging and controlling each other and hating. i never felt secure and i still dont feel secure with my parents. i never had a safe space to express my negative feelings. they were always neglected and pushed away.
so when i was with another person, he told me manipulative things and i had to follow them, because i accepted and still accept every thought other people give me. he was at first a school friend i spent much time with, i trusted him we were best friends. i listened to him an trusted him. but suddenly he told me that other peobple hated me he told me that i am stupid and useless. he broke me. he knew that i would accept everything from others and continued planting this doubts and hate into me. that went over many years. everytime i was around him he planted these thoughts inside of me after evry interaction ih ad he said to me that the other person hated me. i adapted these kind of thinking patterns and until now i still think them and they are breaking me. i wake up anxious and think about every interaction i have with other people. judging every action and every thought i have. its exhausting and its hurtful. i cant enjoy being around people because i think i have to be funny or have to perform. its stress and its not being there.
only recently i discovored that this is not the state other people find themselves in, yes people think what they do and social interactions are alway somewhat scary. but i suffer so much and other people seem to be much more free than i am. only recently i discovered that some people actually have a safe space at home and are able to express their doubts and negative feelings etc. i never had that and i still interact the way i interact with my parents:

1. i always think that people expect something from me
   
2. i always think that people hate me
   

and thats all because that was demanded in childhood and with this former friend and manipulator
I know there is much potential in me. i know i am creative, sensible, have great capacity to think through situations. I want to change the world to be a better place as a physician. I am also working in a elementary school looking after kids and trying to give them every positive thing i can give them.
i want to feel better i want to connect with other people and there is so much pain and doubt and missed meaningful things in my life all because they are negative thinking patterns that were planted inside of me. and i am afraid to talk about it because its so absurd. its so absurd that i hate myself and that i have so much pain that i inflict to myself. this is illness. i am dissociating from conversations to judge and think about things that i said a minute ago. i am not free and i think and think and i hate conversations. i hate being around people because i feel obliged to serve them all the time.
I live in a privileged part of the world and i have everything. i have a home, i can buy quality food, have every entertainment i want, i have peace and freedom, objectively. and i hate that i am still not well. there are people with real objective problems like war and poverty, and i live here in peace, hating myself because someone broke me.
I think this is cPTSD, and my therapist is talking with me about it. We are talking about medication as well, and I am getting better at opening myself. about changing the ways i think. but still, life is very hard everyday. i try to tell myself that i am fine as well, and i pretend that i am fine and happy. but it slowly doenst work anymore.
i hope someone can relate and i can alleviate the fear of being alone with this sort of problem.

A4A
Story driven script
Sfx/actions: ()
Male/female
Word count:1401 ………………
Masterlist version: https://drive.google.com/file/d/18Zagzo2liwtUR6iHA0HQpYunKwWOk09s/view?usp=drivesdk
(Fire crackling)
“ughh my head, that's the last time I have six shots in three minutes, its1 such a stupid bet why do I always take it up, it only ever leads to the worst hangovers the next day”
“Huh?, this isn't my house where the hell am I?”
“OK breath (name) breathe this could still just be a dream, I mean it must be right I've been drunk before but never drunk enough to end up in a cave that for some reason has those ancient torches on the walls “
(Pinches themselves)
“Oww…OK so not a dream, that's not good I'm gonna need to get up and find a way out of here before whatever calls this cave home either wakes up or comes home to find a nice tasty, and possibly still slightly drunk snack”
“Ugh OK standing up is not going to work right now, damn I really am in a mess, sitting in a random cave too lethargic and dizzy to stand up”
“This can't just be from too many drinks, maybe someone spiked my drink?...I mean it's possible and would make sense for why I'm in the middle of nowhere with no memory of last night”
“Well now it's even more important that I get out of here, for all i know they Could be coming to find me right now, or maybe it was them that put me here in the first place”
“Whoa…Ok still cant stand but i can crawl”
“There we go, that's better, the world isn't spinning and I'm making progress, at least I think this is the way out …up is out right?”
(Pause)
“Pant, pant, pant, that was a much deeper cave than I thought, i swear if I kneel on one more sharp rock I'm going to scream”
“But at least I'm finally at the entrance to the cave and it seems to be daytime so I can finally get back to some semblance of civilisation, how I ended up all the way out here i'll never know”
“AHH oww what the hell?”
“AHH fuck why does the sun burn …ahh that felt like I grabbed a hot iron”
“ok, ok breathe (name) there must be some kind of reasonable reason for why the sun burns, I mean there must be right?, it's not as if someone just becomes Hypersensitive To the sun overnight, maybe I'll head back into the cave and see if I can find any AHH WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?, GET BACK”
“RELAX…NO I WON'T RELAX YOU KIDNAPPED ME , STOP MOVING”
“Stop…telling me to calm down, I'm not going to …wait why did I calm down?...why can't I get angry?”
“I'm…in your thrall?, what do you mean that I'm in your thrall?”
“I follow your orders even if I don't want to ….the Hell is that supposed to mean, I'm like your slave?”
“More like a servant?...ok OK let's go back a minute, what The hell is going on?”
“Yes I think that at the very least I deserve some answers about what happened last night, why I'm in a cave and why every time I try and go into the sun it feels like someone has dumped acid on my skin AHH …STUPID SUN”
(Footsteps)
“OK, ok I'm calm again, I'm calm but I still want answers “
(Pause)
“ ok…so you're telling me that I got attacked by a group of vampires on my way home from the Bar and they pretty much entirely drained me of blood?I'm not sure that I believe vampires are real but let's ignore that for just a second. How did I end up here?
“Oh you weren't done, sorry ill be quiet , please continue “
(Longer Pause)
“ok well that's a lot to take in all at once, so there are a lost of rules that the more powerful vampires have put in place so that the risk of vampires being discovered and ultimately hunted is reduced as much as possible, so one of these rules is that you do your best not to hunt or harm humans if you have any other choice and you absolutely do not kill, turn or leave them unconscious but that group were young and thought they were untouchable, well young in terms of vampires but still they broke that rule and hunted me anyway”
“Huh, That makes a little more sense but it's still a lot I mean 5 minutes ago I didn't know that you guys existed and now there's rules and laws as well”
“OK well that does explain some stuff but it doesn't answer My question…why am I in this cave?”
“Because they didn't just drink from me they thought it would be funny to turn me into a ….no no you have to be kidding me there's no way that I'm a vampire now I mean there's just no way”
“Stop telling me to relax, this is a perfect situation to not be calm in , and now that I'm thinking about it why am I in thrall to you and not them if they were the ones that turned me?”
“Because they never performed the ritual to bind me to them so you did instead when you found me …why the hell would you do that?,I could have been free, I could have figured something out without being in a dark cave while having to follow some random vampires orders”
“Because when a new vampire Is bound to an older one it prevents them from turning feral…I um, didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I guess I'm sorry about that outburst…ughhh Can I have a minute?... i just need a minute to try and make sense of everything that you just told me ”
“Thank you…wait before you go. I do have one more question if that's OK?”
“Good um l, what happened to the vampires that turned me?, are they still out there?”
“Declawed and de-fanged?That sounds like a pretty painful experience, is it painful?”
“It is?...in that case good, fuck those assholes”
“thank you , I don't know why your being nice since I've been nothing but aggressive since I met you but, thank you”
“I know that it makes sense to be upset after all that happened to me but still, thank you”
(Pause)
In the speakers mind: “so I'm a vampire now, well that's just great and it had to be right after I managed to save up to buy my apartment, I wonder if I'll be able to go back after the sun sets, I wonder if they will let me go back”
In the speakers mind: “ I mean they seem nice enough, they never raised their voice or manhandled me like I'd imagine as an older vampire they could, I wonder if the movie thing about older vampires being stronger and more powerful is a real thing or just fantasy, i'll ask them when they come back ”
In the speakers mind:” Ugh well there's nothing I can do except try and come to terms with all of this and figure out if I'm spending an eternity in this cave ….hey I just realised I'm immortal now so that's one upside at least”
(Small pause)
In their mind: “I'm going to have to drunk blood aren't I?....well that didn't last long now its right back to sucking…I really hope I don't like the taste”
“ok that's enough wallowing it's time to find them again and see what happens now, hopefully nothing too bad because my head is still pounding , it's going to be because I'm thirsty I just know it ,, ugh I feel sick at the thought of having to feed on something…or someone, i honestly don't know which I think would be worst if i'm honest “
“Oh you were only over here, well then I guess you heard a few of the questions I still had but if it's OK can I ask you a couple more?”
“Ah good thank you, should i call you anything in particular?”
“Yeah I can't pronounce that name can I call you vamps instead?, no?, hmm how about fangs?...that's better?, good then fangs it is, oh sorry lord/lady fangs”
“Ok, first question is about whole drinking blood situation”
(Audio fades out)
(End)

Here we are on the day that started it all, a year ago I did a small review on the Jay and Mikey Show’s first episode: The Boys Go To War.
It wasn’t that good, and had one decent joke but after the series ended, I didn’t do a review for the rest of the summer. Then Dhar shadow announced four series’s all of which I covered along with a few more series.
My style of jokes, recapping, and serialized reviews would improve over time, I say the reviews that cemented my style were Mischief Mikey Season 1, primarily the episode where Mikey lies about a bomb to get out of a test.
But one year later, I have a video that will blow your mind out the water, Girl Finds Out She’s Adopted. This remains Dhar’s only proper feature length video and his longest by far since the Christmas film is a combination of a few other videos.
I doubt Dhar will go through the trouble and budget to make another feature film but one must digress. After a teaser a few days before, the film aired live in two parts during Dhar’s second and last Thanksgiving Special along with Carl Jude’s last video.
It had a big premiere event as well and holds the biggest cast in a Dhar Mann video. They even darkened the video so we know this is a movie.
Without further deliberation, let’s dive in. We start with a candle being lit upon a 15, a mother and father, played by Katherine Norland and Colin Borden go to wake up their kid upon their 15th birthday.
The daughter is named Sabrina and is played by professional cryer, Sofia Serna, funny how only one of those three actors I mentioned still commonly shows up in videos. Apparently these parents want to celebrate the 15th at midnight with a cake.
A bit early for celebration if you ask me, let the kid sleep. Also 16 is a way more important milestone than 15 but Sofia was 15 when this came out so let’s move on. She also shares a birthday with Elon Musk, Henry VIII, and even fucking Markiplier which I just found out when checking her age.
Her rude ass parents crash in with a birthday serenade at midnight, not like I can eat a fucking cake and sleep right after can I? She also has school making this midnight caking even dumber if she’s getting up at seven in the morning.
Mom tells Sabrina that she has something to tell her, which bad timing, I know the parents wanted to tell her on her 15th, but this is just a bad time.
You know what is about to be said but telling your kid she’s adopted at this time at night isn’t good, she isn’t going to get much sleep.
Sabrina laughs it off as the gravity sets in, the truth is clear as day despite the lack of day. She’s in tears already with only three minutes of runtime. Sofia only seems to be the crying girl, crying and being sad isn’t really enough to be a good actor, Sofia has the emotions to bring out a good performance but yelling loudly, crying, and looking sad isn’t enough.
You have to feel the emotions of the moment to truly understand the gravity of this truth bomb, she gets the sadness before a single line trips her into anger without much buildup. Is it wrong for me to hate on a child actor? No, because I am a year younger than her.
The parents refuse to let her meet her biological parents as Crying Girl dips into anger, I get not wanting to let her meet them, but telling her that parents are criminals, yeah they are big shock.
If they just told her that her bio parents were criminals and couldn’t raise her, we wouldn’t have a movie now would we? And Dad saying “We didn’t lie, we just didn’t tell you” isn’t really helping either.
She goes into packing her shit as Colin sounds pissed, Kathrine also gives a great performance which I’ll go into later. Crying Girl is all about how they don’t share blood and Dad retorts with the message that family doesn’t require blood but love.
Am I annoyed this movie reused a message Dhar had used multiple times when this came out? Yes, yes I am. Crying Girl is trying to move out with no information as Mon tries her best to kill the conflict.
Crying Girl screams for them to get out, I don’t imagine this kind of reaction to adoption reveal but this is a movie so I’ll relax on that front.
We also see that the cake eating, reveal, and shouting match took up all of 20 minutes on the dot as she slams the picture of her parents dramatically she can put it back up at the end.
She posts to her instagram that she feels alone before getting a call from her Token Black Friend played by Brianni Walker. Weird seeing her here along with Colin after both were apart the protests but hey one must see some nostalgia from this older Dhar era.
Crying Girl tells Token Black Friend that she’s already sent in a DNA despite it still being the same night and we can’t just have a movie of her waiting six weeks. Token Black suggests she search her attic for potential papers as Token Black Friend hangs up.
It’s time for some sneaking, so it’s actually time for false tension baby! How she is able to get into the loud ass freaking attic without waking her people that adopted her up is beyond me.
Mom tries to go and talk things out so the conflict is over but is stopped by Dad. I know I’ve done nothing but give Kathrine Norland shit for the past year but honestly the real reason was her characters’ writing.
She does an amazing job here as she grapples with the emotions as the middle ground of the conflict. I have more to say later so let’s head back to the attic.
With Crying Girl making a bunch of noise with an old toy, we cut to see the parents immediately asleep following that conversation we just saw second ago.
Crying Girl finally strikes gold with a folder labeled “Important Documents” and a book with a hidden compartment with some old childhood pictures reminding her of the message.
Soon she finds the old slip she’s looking for, the papers are clear as day as we cut to day. Token Black Friend is shown the birth certificates.
It appears Crying Girl has found her father only 17 minutes in, Darius Mulgannon, with a name like that can you be surprised he’s in prison? Token Black loudly yells about him being in jail which get prepared for that joke being run into the ground.
The bio mom’s name is Candy Johnson as Token Black Friend loudly yells that she’s going to jail as a teacher walks by. He’s played by Sean Harris as they pretend to be acting which he buys somehow. There was a play last week as apparently he’s trying to get another play up and running already.
Talk about short rehearsal times between shows, but Dhar knows nothing of high school theater. Crying Girl’s plan to get into said prison is simple, emotional manipulation.
She spots a prison guard with his family and he’s played by Johnnie Mack. So she goes into a crying mood again as she creates a story about visiting her dad every year and being unable as her mom is sick.
This story works perfectly so I guess this guard is newly employed. Darius is a little shocked to learn his kid is visiting as it’s clear he’s probably been around as we later learn.
Darius is played by Daniel Salas, and he’s the best character probably because he doesn’t give two shits about the plot. Crying Girl tries to get the info out of him as Darius’s first reaction is that kid’s come by to ask for money from this imprisoned guy.
Crying Girl hoped he be excited as this harden criminal was expected to be a doting father. We then learn that the bio mom used a fake name on the birth certificate to avoid law enforcement.
Why didn’t Darius use a pseudonym either as he makes it clear that this search isn’t going to end well as her birth mom didn’t want her. Asking this guy who’s been locked up for years for info is crazy but thankfully she has an older sister.
With the name Bella, she does the easy thing that one is to do in this situation, find her personal address and info online. All the while woman who adopted her tries to leave some food.
Who learn Thanksgiving is tomorrow as the timeline is really weird. So it starts at midnight on Crying Girl’s 15th birthday, that night she finds her birth certificate and the following morning she says she visiting her dad later implying that it’s the same day.
In America we often have Thanksgiving break starting in the day before Thanksgiving meaning it makes no sense why she be at school the same day she visits her dad and finds out the truth about her adoption.
We are only half way done as Crying Girl just happens upon her sister’s address. Can I get a… bullshit?
You can’t just go tip tap typing and find an address without deep diving straight into the dark web. With plenty of viruses to boot, Token Black Friend puts the idea into Crying Girl’s head that bio mom gave her up and kept her sister.
Did she forget that her mother is a harden criminal with multiple names and false identities? Why assume she has a child with her? Woman who adopted her gets her name changed in her phone as Crying Girl is doubling down on this hunt.
Token Black Friend joins in on how this doesn’t seem like a good idea as Crying Girl literally just rolls up upon this mansion with no plan or way to get in legally.
She’s stumbling over her words, over correcting, and trying to come up with a story to get the maid to let her in. She didn’t plan for this? Well I get her not knowing her sister is an adult as we meet her fiancé. He doesn’t matter.
We eventually see Sister’s Woman who adopted her, IE: Her mom. As we get a pan shot, Sister’s Mom should know about her bullshit as she actually does. Yeah, she isn’t an idiot.
Once fiancé is gone, she goes into question her. Sister’s Mom is played by regular Amanda Klein as Sister is played by newcomer Kelsey Lee Smith. To my knowledge is her only role in Dhar Mann, correct me if I’m wrong but it feels weird to see a newcomer who never shows up again to get such an important role.
Back to chewing out the child, she goes into the questioning before throwing her out without answering a question. She’s caught in the lie as Sister shows up and exposes her.
Crying Girl does what she does best and cries before revealing the familial connection, she believes Sister’s mom is her mom despite criminal record with fake names and mansion ownership not really lining up.
Fiancé is calling for her as Sister pulls her out, we learn what I mentioned earlier as Sister feels a little guilty for kicking her out.
Sister herself was adopted and really doesn’t want her fiancé to know for some reason. She’s also expecting a child by now as Crying Girl tries to mention how she’s lying to her lover but she’s a hypocrite who gets called out.
Apparently Bio Mom visited only to ask for money, and she makes it clear that it isn’t a good idea despite giving her the address. Her real name is Sasha Whitlock, and is the third person to tell her that this isn’t a good idea.
We also learn that she’s been gone from her home all day as Man who adopted her downplays how their kid is missing. I’m with Woman who adopted her on this situation, if your kid is out of the house in the middle of metropolitan California then I’d be freaking out too.
Kathrine doesn’t get enough credit for this performance, Colin does great with what he’s given but Kathrine really shows the emotions of a parent in distress. For Dhar’s most loyal actress, you think he give her better roles.
I don’t respect Kathrine as a person for siding with Dhar, but I won’t say she isn’t a great actress.
So Crying Girl visits skid row and knocks only to be asked if she has drugs. Birth Mom is played by Nerisa Tedesco who decided to play an evil bio mom before playing all those evil foster mom roles.
This typecast of Dhar’s is kinda rude, why does Nerisa play all these terrible mom roles? I guess it’s because she looks mean and a little nasty, talk about dick move.
It turns out we’ve wasted the past 40 minutes searching for this woman as she’s demeaning, rude, likes oranges, etc.
Bio mom is really stupid, guess it’s from all the drugs since she asks if this child is a cop, or if she has pills, and pronounced Target as “Tar-Je” then she just up and leaves Crying Girl alone and without a phone.
Gee I wonder what message Crying Girl realizes while alone with thoughts. We cut back to the people who adopted her as we get a classy “we can’t declare her missing because it hasn’t been 24 hours”
I swear man who adopted her is far too nonchalant for this kind of situation. Cut back to Crying Girl as her bio mom returns high, she questions Crying Girl if she ate her orange despite eating it in an earlier scene.
Bio mom shuts her down again and outright admits to giving her up for adoption. Wow Dhar, I see a message you already have shown in less than ten minutes took 50 minutes here, I’m happy to have wasted my time here.
So Crying Girl decides to get her phone back as woman who adopted her is calling. So she leaves, not before changing her name back to mom in the phone.
We cut back to home as this is kinda Dad’s fault, had he just let Mom tell her the truth about her criminal parents none of this could have happened!
This entire film could have been avoided! I’ve wasted far more than an hour here typing this damn review! Whatever, Crying girl returns to apologize and repeat the message about family not calling just for blood, it calls for SACRIFICE!
We also see Sister went through an offscreen arc about accepting your past or something and explaining how she told her fiancé about said past.
Of course he was understanding, what were you expecting? She welcomed her to visit since she told her not it come back in that earlier scene which I just skipped over.
They invite her to have some dinner with some classy hospitality, Crying Girl is happy and content so she posts a new photo to her story showing how we all went full circle.
Oh and she puts her family picture back up because it wouldn’t be a share adoption video without it.
We see Token Black Friend being happy upon seeing the story as our time together comes to an end. Or does it?
Because we get three mid credit scene based on theee off hand lines, one I mentioned and one I didn’t.
First is of Ayden Mekus visiting Darius and asking for money just to get laughed at, a lot of stupid characters in this story.
Second is bio mom getting her already eaten orange eaten by her partner because funny?
Third is Token Black at her birthday guess her presents, how her family hasn’t realized she’s been looking in the attic by now is beyond me.
Then it’s over, well I went into this with not much expectations and came out with none of them filled. Some of the acting is kinda good, but a few good or decent performances isn’t enough to save bad writing.
Not to mention very little thought went into the writing process, the plot has several opportunities to stop in its tracks so they steer clear of those smarter and more level headed options.
I get avoided revealing her bio parents didn’t want her, but just say they are criminals who couldn’t raise her. The fundamentals of the plot and the setup we are given would have to be drastically different since this film is just a longer version of the family isn’t about blood but love message.
So I must do what I always do, what is my final score to this film which has a shit title. After much thought, I have this rating, 3/10. There’s not much you can expect from a film that refuses to take the smart option and forces itself to continue.
Well that’s it, one year of celebratory reviews in a row. I’m shocked what was to be a one off has blown out into a trend. Not to mention to common use of Fart Bucket as a nickname has gotten so popular even Dhar used it in a short.
As for the road ahead, well I might take a break, I’m not quitting at all but after six straight reviews it probably be for the best to let the over saturation of reviews die down.
I want to thank you for reading these reviews for the past years and for participating in the poll. Leave your thoughts on this review and the video in the comments, and Thank you.