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Sonos Ace - Hard to Hate, Hard to Love (Review)
2024.06.09 08:44 Gizm0Guru Sonos Ace - Hard to Hate, Hard to Love (Review)
 | I took the plunge and pre-ordered the Ace, and I’ve been putting it through its paces for the last couple of days. I’m pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem, and I’m a big headphone collector, so I’m tossing in my thoughts here for those thinking about taking the plunge on these $450 cans. submitted by Gizm0Guru to sonos [link] [comments] TL:DR - the Aces come in at a high price point in the market at $450. At that price, these may be a tough sell for many. The overall sound is very good - but not definitively better than the category leaders in the market, many of which cost substantially less. Early/Gen1 bugs will leave some thinking that the product is half baked or leaves them out entirely, especially Android users. All that said, this is still a Sonos product, so there are enough things done well about the Ace that it could be a decent proposition - especially if you catch a sale and/or after upcoming software updates. Hard to hate, hard to love. Now to give some context and get into the deeper review. As mentioned, I am pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem because I’ve steadily added to my setups over the years. I started with a 5.1 system, Playbar + Sub + two Play 1s about 10 years ago (now in my kid’s playroom) and now I have Sonos in my whole home - another Arc-based 5.1 setup (media room), a Playbase 5.1 setup (living room), a Beam (bedroom), Move (outdoor patio) and a Roam (travel). I am also a headphone collector and have 22 pairs, ranging from “consumer” stuff like the Ace, AirPods Pro/Max - and all the way up to high-end reference gear from the likes of Audeze, Sennheiser, Meze, Focal, etc. I listen to many types of music, from hip-hop to classical, and I also do quite a bit of gaming. I have a young kiddo so have the need to use headphones for TV viewing pretty often. Starting with the overall design, comfort, control and included accessories - Sonos does a mostly solid job. The design isn’t overly striking in any way, but it is a well-refined “standard headphone” type of design with clean lines. The Aces are light while still feeling solidly built, have a smooth but appropriately firm sliding hinge for headband fit, have easily removable pads, and while they don’t completely collapse, they get compact enough to fit in the included zip-up hard shell carrying case. The respectable carrying case isn’t the only included accessory. A USB-C cable is included for both charging and USB-C audio (no included wall charger), and a USB-C to 3.5mm cable is included as well for plugging into analog sources. The inclusion of these cables and capabilities gives the Aces a lot of general versatility and are good things at this price point. The design lends itself to an overall very comfortable headphone. The band has a very soft cushion and connects to the cups in a way that distributes the weight very well. The cushions of the cups are a well-padded and very comfortable faux leather situation with a firm but not too imposing pressure on the head. These are easy to wear for hours without discomfort for me. I will note that while everything is fine for me, the cups are not particularly large, and the pads are angled, so people with large ears may find their ears touching the cups a bit. The controls are also well designed. Sonos chose to avoid any type of touch controls with the Aces and has just three buttons - one for power and Bluetooth pairing, one for ANC/transparency/on-device voice assistant, and one for volume and track/audio source/phone call control. It reads more complicated than it is for the controls to become second nature. It is a very good overall control scheme. It’s not quite as good as the Digital Crown design of the AirPods Max, but I’d give it a strong second to that. When it comes to hardware design and general ease of use, Sonos has always done well across its product range, and that continues here. Grade: A Sound is one of the most subjective/difficult things to review, and I’m going to try and be as neutral as possible and use some good points of comparison. Overall, the Aces perform fairly well for the product category, and while they bring their own approach to the table, it is very much debatable whether what they bring in terms of sound is worth the fairly high $450 entry point versus $450 for the AirPods Max, $299 for the Sennheiser Momentum 4, $328 for the Sony WH-1000XM5 or $379 for the Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra - all very mature and respectable market leaders with similar product features in this category. There are wireless headphones out there that are priced higher like the Focal Bathys ($799) or the Bowers and Wilkins Px8 ($529), though one could argue that those are catering to the luxury and/or audiophile market (all Amazon US prices as of this writing), where the sound expectations have a higher hurdle to overcome. Let’s first talk about tonal balance. The general tuning of the Aces is very similar to all of the other products I mentioned above, which is a version of a “V-Shaped” tune; bass is boosted, and treble is boosted, creating what has become commonly known as a “fun” type of tuning that I call warm and sparkly. While all of the products I mentioned do this in some way, each does it slightly differently, resulting in a slightly different overall sound presentation, the Aces are no exception. Let’s dive in. The bass on the Aces is very noticeably boosted throughout the entire band, and the biggest boost is in the sub-bass region. This means the Aces bring slam, boom and rumble to the listen. It could be argued that these get into bass head territory, and I believe those that like bass would be happy with the Aces in that department. While the bass is certainly very prominent, it is not overly loose and still maintains a decent level of control. It is a thick but fairly clean bass. It hits thicker than the AirPods Max but less so than the Momentums and XM5s. If you like to feel those big explosions and soundtrack moments in your TV viewing and gaming, the Aces will fit the bill, as the depth the bass can reach is impressive. The downside to the bass tuning is that since the entire bass band is boosted, if you are listening to a track that has a lot of action in the bass region, it can be overwhelming and lack detail. It can also lead to some bleed into the lower midrange on certain tracks. It is the midrange on the Aces that surprised me the most, though when I think about how Sonos likely dedicated as much thought to how these sound for TV as to how they sound for music, it makes sense. In a usual “V-shaped” tuning, it is the midrange that is the least present or gets a bit left out of the mix. This often results in vocals and many common core instruments and pieces of the mix somewhat veiled, and is the reason many audiophiles don’t like the V-shaped tuning. The Aces mostly avoid this. The midrange balance is pretty on-target with the exception of a bit of a dip in the upper mids. This means that you get a very full-bodied core sound when listening to the Aces, and that’s a very good thing. Male vocals are very often put on full display because of the added warmth of the bass boost. Female vocals can sometimes take a bit of a back seat, along with instruments like guitar, as a result of the dip in the upper mids, but to notice either of these, you’d really have to be a focused listener (more on why later). The story of the midrange is that it’s better executed than many in the category. This translates well to TV/gaming as well, as dialogue is typically easy to make out, even when there’s lots of other action going on. The treble on the Ace, as mentioned, is definitely boosted, but in a targeted way that overall, works. I mentioned that the upper midrange where female vocals and some higher instruments live is a bit de-emphasized. Well, the treble is boosted in the “sparkle” region, where sounds like symbols reside - as well as the “s” and “t” sounds in vocals. This boost makes details shine a bit more, and it also hides the under-emphasis of the upper midrange a bit because it still pulls forward the sparkle of all vocals. This upper midrange and treble boost combination is also seen in some well-regarded higher end headphones from the likes of Sennheiser and Meze Audio, just to name a few, so kudos to Sonos for pretty solid execution on the treble. The downside to boosting this region is that some people’s ears are sensitive to this frequency range, and can find sounds like snare drums, loud symbols and the like in this region to be grating to listen to for long periods of time. I don’t find the boost to be extreme, but it is there, so those that are treble-sensitive, just something to note. This is a good point to make note that this has all been related to the default tonal balance of the Aces right out of the box. Connecting to the Sonos app does allow you to adjust the frequency response - though it is a very basic EQ just like other Sonos products - a simple treble/bass slider. Most of the options at this price point offer greater level of control with a at least a 3-5 band EQ, but it’s better than nothing. Last in the sound department is a bit about the staging and technical performance. Again, the Aces do what they do fairly well for the category, but whether what they do is definitively better than their peers is debatable. The sound that comes from the Aces is crisp and clear, and one of the most immediately noticeable aspects of the presentation is the good horizontal spread of the pieces of the mix - everything is placed very well with pretty good separation. The sound stage isn’t overly wide by any means, and we aren’t talking about a 3D/holographic sound stage (unless you’re using Dolby Atmos, which I’ll come back to), but the sound does indeed go ear-to-ear horizontally. Even so, the focus of the Aces is always front and center. The stage is very center-focused and intimate, with the edges of the left and right channel wrapping around to the ears. It is a pretty in your face presentation that works well. The center position also has a small but distinct depth and separation from the mix, which is impressive for a wireless headphone (I had to wonder if the fact that the inside of the pads of the Aces are angled contributes to this). The fact that the stage is so center-focused also keeps the vocals and heart of the mix emphasized, and this pairs well with its midrange tuning. This presentation also is another testament to being well-designed for both music and TV listening. I am not always a fan of Dolby Atmos for headphones, as what the technology can do is often overhyped, but the Aces do handle Atmos mixed sources (or multichannel sources when using TV Swap) very well. It essentially makes the sound stage a bit bigger, along with more precise positioning of the pieces of the mix. I find it best for video content and hit or miss for music. The overall sound package that the Aces deliver is solid, well-executed, V-shaped listen. The sound is warm, crisp, clean, dynamic/lively and is presented very well, in a way that will work for many genres of music, TV and gaming. The aces definitely deserve to be in the conversation among the market leaders, but each of these market leaders also have strong overall presentations that are arguably just as good, if not better - and allow for a bit more control with more EQ personalization options. The Ace’s premium price relative to this competition has to be taken into consideration as a point of comparison in evaluating overall sound. Grade: B+ / A- I realize that when evaluating a pair of wireless headphones nowadays, the technology feature set is a big factor as well, and that’s where things get even more interesting for the Aces. This is because depending on your particular Sonos setup, mobile device setup, and general home listening setup, the technological features of the Aces are various levels of either lacking or unfinished. Let’s start with the good. Regardless of the device you’re using to connect, you get to experience the active noise cancellation and transparency modes of the Aces, and both are very good. The noice cancelling mode isn’t quite as good as Bose, and the transparency mode isn’t quite as good as Apple, but both are respectable compared to anything else, a good showing. You can also enable head tracking in the Sonos app when connected to any device audio via Bluetooth, which for Android users may be an added convenience, depending on your device (for Apple users, this is a feature built in option at the system level between any iOS device and AirPods). You also get a fairly good mix of codec support, including some lossless options if your device supports it. Now, the not so good. When Sonos announced the Aces, the company very accurately talked about how headphones were one of the most requested products of the community, and everyone in this sub can probably attest to that. But what has been released, at this point in time especially, IMO misses the mark by not doing the we want the headphones to do most - connect seamlessly to our larger Sonos systems, and on top of this, it highlights the challenge of forced obsolescence when dealing with home theater speakers and advanced technology in the same package. The best way to illustrate this is to state plainly that the Aces are first and foremost Bluetooth headphones. They connect to your Sonos system indirectly via the app on your Bluetooth device, not directly to the system itself via WiFi (mostly). This means a few things. If you’re envisioning using the Sonos app as a hub main hub for navigating your music library across sources and handing it off between your Sonos speakers and headphones, that’s not in the cards with the Ace (ha). As a matter of fact, you can only use the Sonos app to play and pause media playing on the Ace, not select and navigate. If your goal is using the Aces to listen to your TV, it can be done via a feature called TV Swap, but the situation isn’t exactly pretty for a lot of people. You can press a button on the Aces or within the Sonos app to trigger a direct WiFi connection between a TV-connected Sonos speaker, but at launch and of this writing, it only works on the top-of-the-line Sonos Arc soundbar. This support is coming via software update to the Beam and Ray at an unannounced date. This means that for folks like me that have been building a Sonos ecosystem for years, arguably the most loyal and valuable customers of Sonos (and the ones requesting this product for years), the usefulness of the Aces may be substantially reduced. Out of the four rooms that have Sonos sound bars in my home, again, all purchased within the last ten years or less, only two will ever work with the Aces. My Playbase and Playbar are forever excluded, and if you’re using something like the Sonos Amp to connect a turntable or other device to your Sonos system, you’re also out of luck. If you are an Android user, the picture is even uglier, as the TV Swap feature doesn’t work AT ALL, meaning that until an update arrives, also at an as yet unannounced date, the Aces are essentially a regular pair of Bluetooth headphones for Android users. For me, this is the most disappointing thing about the Aces. Unless you are a fairly recent inductee to the Sonos ecosystem, the Aces probably are really more general Bluetooth headphones that can connect to a Sonos speakeTV than Sonos headphones that also connect to Bluetooth devices. This is in a world where there are certainly other options for connecting headphones to your TV’s audio. Many smart TV’s and set top boxes now offer a direct Bluetooth connection, and if you have an Apple TV, using AirPods via AirPlay is a much more seamless experience. All of these things, combined with the recent revamp of the Sonos app that took away features and left many unhappy in the name of updating the app for future products (including the Ace), should make you think twice about if the Aces are the best way to get TV audio via headphones for you and your setup - and about the longevity of your particular Sonos setup in general. I realize there are technical challenges that make better Sonos system integration a challenge, and that for some, the issue about older products isn’t an issue at all, but it is worth bringing to light for those making a long-term purchase decision. The second most disappointing thing about the launch of the Aces is the continued trend of companies releasing products at full price that are essentially unfinished. I already discussed that for Android users at launch, there is no TV Swap at all, so these are effectively just regular Bluetooth headphones with no Sonos system integration at all. I also touched on the fact that TV swap support for the Beam and Ray is missing for all platforms. There is also a very cool-sounding form of TruePlay that Sonos is calling TrueTune. This will calibrate the room, so that when using TV Swap to listen to audio, you’ll get an even more “immersive” listening experience that takes Spatial Audio and head tracking to the next level by trying to actually mirror the acoustics of the room as if you had no headphones on at all. I can’t report on that because, you guessed it…the feature is coming at a yet unannounced date. On top of this, there are bugs out of the gate. Sometimes my Aces don’t show up in the Sonos app, and TV Swap sometimes doesn’t trigger or glitches out. All of this makes judging the technological features of the Aces difficult. On the side of being Bluetooth headphones - the ANC, connection possibilities/versatility, multi-device connection, head tracking/spatial audio support, and battery life, the Aces are a strong showing. On the Sonos side, your experience will be highly dependent on your current Sonos setup, source setup, how you like to navigate your music library, your level of patience to receive updates, and your trust/level of care for when/if Sonos will release an update that breaks something between your Aces and your existing setup or releases a new speaker that doesn’t work with the Aces. These are all considerations that again make the $450 asking price seem steep when there are other options in the market with equal or greater capabilities for a substantially lesser price. Grade: C- Overall, I view the Aces as a solid pair of Bluetooth headphones, and as Bluetooth headphones for day-to-day needs, they are worth considering, though arguably not the best value in terms of overall sound quality and features. The AirPods Max, Sennheiser Momentum 4 Wireless, Sony WH-1000XM5 and Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra all bring comparatively good sound and feature sets at the same or a substantially lower price. Whether that premium is worth it because of the Sonos interplay, well, your mileage may vary, depending on your setup. They have the potential to be pretty great for some, while at the same time being annoying for some - hard to hate, hard to love. I hope this review was helpful for those taking a look at these or building a Sonos ecosystem in general. Happy listening! |
2024.06.09 08:43 deeayen3 Unusual Orb on the screen
First thing I'd like to clarify, I'm very sceptical of visible anomalies and I'm also pretty sceptical of most things paranormal. The only unusual incident I've ever had was when I was drifting off to sleep as a kid and I heard a very clear but gentle woman's voice say "Hello Josh" in a very well spoken Australian accent it sounded as if it was a person right next to my head. I never knew anyone who spoke like this prior and after waking up properly I wasn't frightened by this but I was pretty confused so after mentioning it to my father he was pretty excited about the idea that it could have been his mother (who had passed away when he was 19 years of age, he loves and misses her very dearly to this day) as I mentioned how she spoke and he said that is exactly how his mother spoke she was a literature teacher and was very well spoken.
Aside from this the only other unusual thing I've seen is in this video my sister made as a child. Right at the start of the video you'll notice what appears to be some kind of white spec move into the frame then exit the frame to the right of the screen towards a picture of my Grandmother, she used to be a very good classical pianist. I'm pretty confident it is just some kind of artifact produced by the camera or even just abit of dust but I thought I'd post it here anyways to get a more definitive answer the way it moves is pretty unusual. My dad's a strong believer in anything paranormal and he believes his mother has tried making herself known to him before he has a story involving himself and my mother in bed with all the lights off and a light appearing on his keyboard. My mother mentioned that he forgot to turn his keyboard off when she noticed it and when she said that, it slowly reduced in size until it was no longer visible. The unusual part about this was the fact that all lights on the keyboard were green, the keyboard was off and the light produced was a white colour. Again I'm almost certain that the video itself was just abit of dust close to the frame or just some kind of artifact produced by the video but what do you guys think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEKxquqWaIo
submitted by deeayen3 to Paranormal [link] [comments]
Aside from this the only other unusual thing I've seen is in this video my sister made as a child. Right at the start of the video you'll notice what appears to be some kind of white spec move into the frame then exit the frame to the right of the screen towards a picture of my Grandmother, she used to be a very good classical pianist. I'm pretty confident it is just some kind of artifact produced by the camera or even just abit of dust but I thought I'd post it here anyways to get a more definitive answer the way it moves is pretty unusual. My dad's a strong believer in anything paranormal and he believes his mother has tried making herself known to him before he has a story involving himself and my mother in bed with all the lights off and a light appearing on his keyboard. My mother mentioned that he forgot to turn his keyboard off when she noticed it and when she said that, it slowly reduced in size until it was no longer visible. The unusual part about this was the fact that all lights on the keyboard were green, the keyboard was off and the light produced was a white colour. Again I'm almost certain that the video itself was just abit of dust close to the frame or just some kind of artifact produced by the video but what do you guys think?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEKxquqWaIo
2024.06.09 08:43 kmrbuky One month of beading! (+ some newbie thoughts and questions)
 | https://preview.redd.it/w2uh2paxmh5d1.jpg?width=1178&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ea2ab09ded2350fb34eb01cdf018513fb306669 submitted by kmrbuky to Beading [link] [comments] It's been exactly 35 days since I've started beading! I was visiting my best friend in Japan when we came across some beading patterns. Neither of us have beaded before, but we thought it could be a fun challenge! Cue several all-nighters and utter frustration as we slogged through the first piece (the pink keychain on the very right). It's hard to see from the picture, but I had 0 tension on the string (because I didn't know what it was!) so the edges are a mess. That's why I decided to try again with blue, which is the fourth project! The tension was much more even. The pink strap took about 5 days (with a few international flights in-between), the second (dragon) took about 7 days, the third took about 11 days (took a small break), the fourth took about 4 days, the fifth (same as the first project, but with colours I chose) took about 2 days, and the very last one took about 2 days as well (and is my very own pattern!) I've gotten way faster with the last two projects. All in all, I'm amazed I'm not burnt out yet. Beading feels really good on my soul so I'm so excited to have found this hobby. I'm not huge on wearing beaded jewelry (...mostly because I don't really wear jewelry in the first place) so I'll probably just stick to these portrait-style charms for myself and friends/family. Some things I've noticed:
-Posture: I've been focusing on improving my posture this year, but I seem to have a hunchback when I bead. Is this just the reality for beaders? -Wrists: I feel like I'm getting carpal tunnel from beading (although, I did let it rest for 1-2 days and now my wrist is much better). Does this happen to anyone else? -Needles: this is less of a problem after using FireLine, but I've bent four needles and broken one (mostly when I was struggling with tension with my old thread). Does anyone have needle recommendations? I purchased a set from PONY Needles, but they were too thin and the eye(?) was too small for FireLine. -What is your favourite Miyuki 11/0 colour? Just curious personally! My favourite colour is pink, but I've really enjoyed exploring blue lately. As you can see, I've been very partial to the 257 at the moment :) I also really enjoy 202 for a fun white as it's very sparkly under the light. |
2024.06.09 07:36 FORESTER402 What type of keyboard should I get for college and gaming work? 60%/65% or full sized?
I am stuck between getting either this Corsair K65 PRO MINI RGB 65% Optical-Mechanical Gaming Keyboard which is 100$ USD here's a picture below:
https://preview.redd.it/4zjl8kxbfh5d1.png?width=1014&format=png&auto=webp&s=236fc6c4e737e76e530fcc2234d95f2309e3c218
Or the full-sized keyboard option: Corsair K70 RGB PRO Mechanical Gaming Keyboard with PBT DOUBLE SHOT PRO Keycaps — CHERRY® MX SPEED. It's 160$ USD here's a picture:
https://preview.redd.it/gicw9xpjgh5d1.png?width=794&format=png&auto=webp&s=48f582fc0638fa67ac01a4ac4033f41c0412ce23
submitted by FORESTER402 to Keyboard [link] [comments]
https://preview.redd.it/4zjl8kxbfh5d1.png?width=1014&format=png&auto=webp&s=236fc6c4e737e76e530fcc2234d95f2309e3c218
Or the full-sized keyboard option: Corsair K70 RGB PRO Mechanical Gaming Keyboard with PBT DOUBLE SHOT PRO Keycaps — CHERRY® MX SPEED. It's 160$ USD here's a picture:
https://preview.redd.it/gicw9xpjgh5d1.png?width=794&format=png&auto=webp&s=48f582fc0638fa67ac01a4ac4033f41c0412ce23
2024.06.09 07:28 Economy_Positive_484 Quick tips from a high volume store
I can't remember the last time I've used the scan sheets they've given to the furniture department. Ever since United went under, it's been a mess. The scan sheets have been inaccurate with the wrong skus, UPC codes, and many pieces aren't even pictured anymore. Additionally, many of the new sheets have UPC codes that are too close together. If your store has the new POS system, the scan gun will often scan the wrong UPC, even if your aim is correct. Also an issue with the patio furniture sheets.
My advice is to check your skus, and your signs. If those are correct, you can take a picture of any sign in the department, and manually enter the sku. The keyboard number pad is your best friend, and I highly recommend learning how to type on one properly. RTA furniture is constantly changing suppliers, so UPC's change faster than what marketing (heh, what's left of it) can keep up with. So, when you check stock for a customer, take a good picture of the UPC. Scan directly what's on the box that you're giving the customer. The upgraded inventory search is also useful as long as you remember that Tripoli, Hartford, and Parkdale still have their old United skus floating around in there. Tripoli also has an incorrect New sku for the RAF lingering in system. Once again, this is why having both correct skus on your signs is important. Once you know exactly where the correct ones show up in system, you should know where to find them easily. However, you want to make the department as easy to ring out as possible just in case you're not there, and someone else is running the shift.
We're getting a ton of knick knacks that are being built as "grab and go" items. For the love of God, sign the thing with the sku on the box before you throw that box into the bailer! Many of these pieces are closeouts, and you may only get one piece. If you throw out that box, before recording the sku, it's gone.
Don't be afraid to remind your MOD to check your work. Everyone's running around like a crazy person on busy days. You will want that fresh set of eyes to check that receipt with the product going out the door. The log sheets are there for a reason. Use them! I can't tell you how many times they've come in handy when a customer has an issue, but lost the receipt.
We're no strangers to the uphill battle that corporate has put us in, but doing these little things will greatly help your shrink, and will make the work week a bit more bearable. And yes, these tips work for busy stores. They're equally useful for those of you dealing with less foot traffic. I've worked in both environments.
submitted by Economy_Positive_484 to BigLots [link] [comments]
My advice is to check your skus, and your signs. If those are correct, you can take a picture of any sign in the department, and manually enter the sku. The keyboard number pad is your best friend, and I highly recommend learning how to type on one properly. RTA furniture is constantly changing suppliers, so UPC's change faster than what marketing (heh, what's left of it) can keep up with. So, when you check stock for a customer, take a good picture of the UPC. Scan directly what's on the box that you're giving the customer. The upgraded inventory search is also useful as long as you remember that Tripoli, Hartford, and Parkdale still have their old United skus floating around in there. Tripoli also has an incorrect New sku for the RAF lingering in system. Once again, this is why having both correct skus on your signs is important. Once you know exactly where the correct ones show up in system, you should know where to find them easily. However, you want to make the department as easy to ring out as possible just in case you're not there, and someone else is running the shift.
We're getting a ton of knick knacks that are being built as "grab and go" items. For the love of God, sign the thing with the sku on the box before you throw that box into the bailer! Many of these pieces are closeouts, and you may only get one piece. If you throw out that box, before recording the sku, it's gone.
Don't be afraid to remind your MOD to check your work. Everyone's running around like a crazy person on busy days. You will want that fresh set of eyes to check that receipt with the product going out the door. The log sheets are there for a reason. Use them! I can't tell you how many times they've come in handy when a customer has an issue, but lost the receipt.
We're no strangers to the uphill battle that corporate has put us in, but doing these little things will greatly help your shrink, and will make the work week a bit more bearable. And yes, these tips work for busy stores. They're equally useful for those of you dealing with less foot traffic. I've worked in both environments.
2024.06.09 07:19 donttrusttheliving Because 1 person asked; my dissertation of Ryder’s tattoos and how they tell you his story.
Marking as a spoiler in case y’all haven’t romanced him seriously lol.
submitted by donttrusttheliving to TooHotToHandleGame [link] [comments]
- Dagger: from that ex of his that stabbed him in the back by cheating on him.
- Snake: his distrust of others and his own decisions. Also can additionally bring up how he will strike first in order not to feel threatened or pain. Also can symbolize a possible future shedding of his old skin.
- Landscape: he likes to take nature pictures so this one was prob his first or one that he got sober, BUT could symbolize the mountains he needs to claim to conquer his past.
- Roses/thorns: he’s guarded and prickly. He will draw blood before someone will draw blood from him. Rose can symbolize how ge can open up to the right person and can grow into a beautiful thing.
- Moth: this was brought up if you go to the suite with him. He got this after finding out his kind distance partner cheating on him after he did this whole grand gesture of driving 16 hours to see them.
- Geometric prawn or ice/glass prawn: this can have 3 meanings for Ryder. One meaning is that a prawn can be a “fool”, how he felt after pouring so much into a relationship and being fooled by his partner. Especially when he found out they had twins 6 months after the official breakup and they were long distance before that. Second meaning for a geometric prawn is the fact he has a shell to protect himself(one chapter he said something along the line of being a “shadow of a shell”.) He bring sup multiple times how he is used to getting what he wants and only givens into meaningless flings-using armor or a shield to protect himself from anyone getting in to meeting the vulnerable real Ryder. Third is that prawns can be a meaning of strength and if this prawn was a glass or ice, it means his strength can be easily broken.
- Scorpion: once again he is always in the defensive and will strike a venomous blows to protect himself. Not only that, it also calls back to wearing a thick armor to protect himself as well. His attitude of preemptively striking is shown through out the game. 8 crow/raven: Ryder’s past relationship really impacted his ability to love and live. To him all relationships are dead to him. He lives for short term hook ups without any future for love. But, they can symbolize bad fortune or rebirth-which is the two outcomes for him in this game. Either a “bad outcome” of being kicked out for his behavior-killing any potencial relationships outside the villa, or rebirth, finding confidence and a new outlook with MC. Learning to trust, be vulnerable, and takes responsibility for his previous actions.
- Eye and hibiscus: eye usually means protection. Hibiscus usually means happiness and good luck. Knowing Ryder he more than likely got this in a time period he was probably happy, where all he wanted to protect was his happiness and luck. Yet, even after being cheated on, that was his goal-even when he used toxic measures to protect it. His end game was always to protect his well being-unless MC breaks through his shells and he want to protect MC’s well being.
2024.06.09 06:50 NaturalFlan5360 Glue/sealant in intake?
Crawled under my new Waverunner to pull out a few weeds that got sucked up at the ramp and noticed this white glue looking material that’s protruding out into the intake.
It’s brand new, I imagine this can’t be great since it must disrupt the water flow into the pump a bit? Is this something that needs to be fixed or is it ok?
Also, the weeds in the picture towards the pump that are tangled up, is that something I need to try to reach in with something and fish out or is it ok to run it and let it go through?
submitted by NaturalFlan5360 to jetski [link] [comments]
It’s brand new, I imagine this can’t be great since it must disrupt the water flow into the pump a bit? Is this something that needs to be fixed or is it ok?
Also, the weeds in the picture towards the pump that are tangled up, is that something I need to try to reach in with something and fish out or is it ok to run it and let it go through?
2024.06.09 06:19 jihiggs123 silk screen switch emblem
I removed this switch without documenting which way the parallel pins that are internally shorted. see the top circled symbol, does this look like the shorted pins should be at the end of the two white lines? I quesion it because the other two switches on the board, very top unmarked, are 90 degrees rotated. picture in comments https://www.reddit.com/AskElectronics/comments/1dbl87t/comment/l7rsydp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by jihiggs123 to AskElectronics [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 06:14 snarejunkie I made a custom macropad for Solidworks for $39, and uploaded all the files so you can too!
Image of finished product
Ok so, I've been getting older, and more and more noticing that long CAD sessions will give me a bit of a tingle in my fingers, and I'm doing all the exercise and stretching and getting up and walking, but it's a lot to manage, so I thought I should do something I feel like I've always wanted to do, which is build a custom CAD control attachment for my chair, so I cut out all the leaning forward, or at least I can still CAD without pain when I need the back support/rest.
Anyway so I started looking into how to do it, and I was surprised to find a pretty simple way, that required a bit of work on my part. And as I was doing this, I realised that all the work I'd done would make it pretty easy for someone to replicate this, so here's how I did it:
DISCLAIMER: To get everything to work, I had to do some not-so-secure stuff like enabling depreciated software functionality, and allowing this open source software to operate without uBlock and other security and control extensions. I don't know what the risk is of doing this, but I'm willing to take the risk because it's really valuable to me, and super cool)
Step 1: buy cheap QMK enabled macro Pad
Step 2: Get Macro Pad working with Via
This step was probably the hardest so I'm listing out detailed instructions here:
I used glue-on-a-strip but you can use double sided tape or whatever you want I guess.
Anyway, I hope this helps someone else because I was overjoyed to know that a completely custom macro pad for Solidworks was only $39 and a day's worth of work away!
Links:
submitted by snarejunkie to SolidWorks [link] [comments]
Ok so, I've been getting older, and more and more noticing that long CAD sessions will give me a bit of a tingle in my fingers, and I'm doing all the exercise and stretching and getting up and walking, but it's a lot to manage, so I thought I should do something I feel like I've always wanted to do, which is build a custom CAD control attachment for my chair, so I cut out all the leaning forward, or at least I can still CAD without pain when I need the back support/rest.
Anyway so I started looking into how to do it, and I was surprised to find a pretty simple way, that required a bit of work on my part. And as I was doing this, I realised that all the work I'd done would make it pretty easy for someone to replicate this, so here's how I did it:
DISCLAIMER: To get everything to work, I had to do some not-so-secure stuff like enabling depreciated software functionality, and allowing this open source software to operate without uBlock and other security and control extensions. I don't know what the risk is of doing this, but I'm willing to take the risk because it's really valuable to me, and super cool)
Step 1: buy cheap QMK enabled macro Pad
Step 2: Get Macro Pad working with Via
This step was probably the hardest so I'm listing out detailed instructions here:
- Open Via
- Enable the design tab
- Download the .JSON file for the EK21 USB connection from here
- Unzip the file somewhere, keep track of it.
- Check the 'Use V2 Definitions (depreciated)
- Connect the EK21 macro pad via USB cable (you can do it with the 2.4Ghz receiver, but I didn't trust it enough to start with it)
- You'll need to stop uBlock origin, PrivacyBadger, any extension that might interfere with Via connecting to the keypad
- Pair with the Via webapp
- At this point you should see this interface in Via
- So, this was by far the hardest (well, not super hard, just tedious) part, and I don't want to describe every step of the process, so instead I'm linking the .JSON file from my layout, which you can use as a starting point and modify as you see fit, and also my Excel sheet, where I tracked the connections between my chosen layout on the macropad back to Solidworks.
- The Solidworks keyboard shortcut registry file can be found here If you want to just copy my layout. if you want to make your own, copy the excel file, and modify the values there (don't forget to TRACK IT) (WARNING! Loading up this settings file will likely overwrite any shortcuts you might have defined earlier. I didn't remove any of the defaults, I think, but not sure)
- Hopefully, you can get this working faster than I was able to, with those files and that excel sheet.
- For those of y'all who want to map this completely custom, you need to map each key of the macropad to either a macro, or a less-used key or symbol which you can then use in SW. Some keys won't show up in SW (like "\" for example). characters like !@#$ etc will show up as Shift+1, Shift+2.. and so on in the Solidworks shortcut assignment interface
I used glue-on-a-strip but you can use double sided tape or whatever you want I guess.
Anyway, I hope this helps someone else because I was overjoyed to know that a completely custom macro pad for Solidworks was only $39 and a day's worth of work away!
Links:
2024.06.09 05:53 Sea_Illustrator8250 What is happening to my raspberries?
 | My raspberry patch isnt doing so well. Zone 8. Last summer i had a bad stink bug infestation so i cut back the canes quite a lot this winter. Weeded and mulched the patch and everything was going well until two weeks ago. I did fertilize around that time too. Im concerned its a disease. Couldn’t see any obvious pests dwelling. First picture is just of all the leaves i chopped. Any advice welcome. Thanks. submitted by Sea_Illustrator8250 to gardening [link] [comments] |
2024.06.09 05:50 SANshine92 **TW** DONT READ IF YOURE SENSITIVE* just a story of my effed up life. Looking for support mostly I think. And understanding
Edit: Sorry for so long post with literacy mistakes, im not feeling myself, but im pouring my soul out the way i never did, nothing even to my any closest friends I've ever had... anyone who read all this and understand it, thank you!
What the eff is wrong with me (f31). I've been through so much in my life as well, and people have been through a lot of shit because of me as I have put them through. As a child I have been wild and uncontrollable, rebellious whenever I was out of school, but when I was in school or even later in my years at job, I was very calm controlling person, well behaved, always smiled with loads of anxiety under disguise. I think I might have adhd and I'm waiting for diagnosis, but it will take years, unfortunately, for that. I'm impatient and very emotionally unstable (there are a lot more signs than just this, but that is main). Anyway, lately, I've been thinking or rather been triggered by people at work due to my child traumas that led me to think deeply about my parents and my childhood. I think I was unwanted child, as ive been treated just as a kid, just as if I'd be living in a foster home with someone who is forced to have you as ive never got so much love and attention from my parents, 70% of my childhood I can remember ive been told off, beaten and a child that needs alot of control (as I was very rebellious ever since I know about myself). It's hard to handle and always getting in trouble. I ran away multiple times, first time was when I was 4 years old, then I have been stealing other kids goods, their toys, I mean everything they had and I wanted, I stole and it happens since I was 4, didn't stopped untill I was 15. A lot of times, I've been caught and felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I still carried on. When I was 12 I fell into bad group of so called friends and started to drink, smoke, we stole from the shops intentionally and usually I was distraction in the shop for shop ladies who worked there, but even that, when I had chance I'd nip away a liter or any alcohol bottle or cigarettes. I was introduced to boys for intention to have relationship and sexual interaction but thankfully I was (according to my friends at the time) dumb and too shy to do anything or have guts to sleep with any of them. I felt stupid at the time because of that. Today, I can say thanks God I was the way I was, because only who knows where would I be if I'd started having sexual interactions at 13 years. Don't know where this came from, but a strong instinct didn't let me, or it is just the beginning of my anxiety of untrusting people. Anyways I'm glad I didn't. Although I was craving for any kind of touch just to feel loved and feel important in someone else's eyes, I knew that wasn't it. As long as I know myself, I always crave this satisfaction and love and attention. And these cravings came out later over the years. I had first sex when I was 14, and it felt like a must-do. I was "deadly" in love with some guy, and I even lied to him. I wasn't a virgin, just so I could taste how it feels to be loved in a physical way. This boy, he went through break up with his first love and I remember of my jealousy, the way he spoke about her, the way he felt about her, and I wished I had all this, I wished I was this person he was in love with. Anyway long story short, he didnt know I was a virgin and we ended up literally "fucking " somewhere unspecial, outdoors, literally just s3x, and I was also not crying but instead I was letting out pleasure voices just to go with it to make him feel good as well as myself but I failed on so many levels. And this cravings to have someone,to be someone's heart and soul and rock and have trust and everything... it never stopped. I grew into a bitter young lady, I was called a bitch multiple times and things (people) that was offered me on silver plate wasn't interesting enough, I ended up hurting them by using them or ghosting them, but I always fell for someone who needed a bit of challenge and chasing. I met a guy when I was 17, and he was a challenge, I was a fox, and he was a rabbit. It was such a difficult beginning due to my infidelity, but only because he gaslighted me for a few weeks. Anyway, strong force brought us together (I think it is due to challenges I felt over him, dopamine chasing, and going against my parents and everyone we knew in common that knew our story and didnt want to see us together, i wanted to prove them wrong). I got pregnant at 17, and by my 21st year old, I was pregnant with third child with him, meanwhile we gor married (think I was 20 or something), but I was awful partner I always longed for dopamine, extremes, adrenaline and infidelity gave me that. Awful wife and mother I was, deeply selfish and narrow looking. Hiding love affair for a year, chasing married mad as it was a challenge to me, tought I was in love but in reality it was just about adrenaline and secrecy, that made me feel alive in my so called marriage. It wasn't my only affair, there was plenty one night stands, I can't even remember, and it is embarrassing today. I hate myself for what I caused my ex-husband, and I can't imagine his emotional pain I caused to him. But after all, kept in touch, we kept each other close, like very good friends and we both put our children in first place. We raised them good and a lot of people admire us for that, knowing how bad this could turn out in the course but all we wanted is keeping our kids out of our drama and let them have best of both worlds-mom and dad on the other side. Today I'm thinking, the way I raise my kids, the way I listen to them and talk to/with them and advise them, making sure they are good, they are unique and that they are all I ever wanted, giving them everything I never had, support, thrust, safety... makes me feel very upset and angry as I never got that from my parents. And I will never understand them. I read goodnight books every night to my youngest child because she loves stories and she is a bookworm . I let my other daughter she is beauty in every single way, no matter how her bully feels. I lost my shit when the line was crossed with a bully, I went to school and even reported it (she is being bullied in school and iam not letting it slide through, but i wish when i was bullied my parents woulddefendme, the way i defend my daughter today) . I make sure my son is as weird he is. He is perfect to me(although I feel somehow I failed him as I was young and dumb when I had him). All that makes me think, I wasn't raised with those comforts, but I still give them to my kids. I love them more than anything, so why didn't my parents give any of this to me. I have a younger brother, and he was much more loved than I was, I can tell that, even he can. He was a golden boy, with great grades and good friends, unlike me. That, and comparing to how I feel about my kids and how I am raising them today, it is not fair for what I've been through as a child. Why is he wanted and I want at the time? It always and probably always will make me feel unwanted. Up untill today, my kids are happy, me and their dad forgot about our past, moved on and choose to put kids on first place, I've got partner (adhd as well of course) my kids love him and he is amazing. Our love story is pretty incredible and we mostly connected due to my mother's betrayal (she was trying to sleep with my boyfriend at the time which was few months before I met my partner) and we grew closer and closer. He was from another country but my untrusting instict was kicking off my mind and when we had long distance relationship, after all of betrayals in my life after all ground falls I've been through with opposite sex (not that I ever shower how much I care or put any effort into it) , after I told him, in 3d world country where I met him, I said, you can promise me everything but I'm not kind of girl who will fall for that or believe whatever BS you're saying, after having long distance relationship and talking and calling thousands times a day, after I betrayed him, got full on selfish drunk and black out cheated multiple times... we ended up stronger than ever, I ended up moving in his country and I was strong enough to convince my ex husband now and my brother (who was already looking for run out of the country-yes my golden boy bro who wasn't really golden but he was still perfect) to move with me. I was always thinking of my kids first, and I always wanted them to have their dad beside them always and forever! I remember at some point my mom wanted to take my brother and me to her national country to get us safe from our dad's fists and his anger, jealousy (related to mom-but I think jealousy was in the right place as my mom wasn't loyal- only I found this out when I had kid with my husband and she told me all about-basically I was her friend who listened amd not daughter, I think this infidelity from her side started sooner, I just don't know about it). She trusted me about her feelings about her infidelity and being in love with other man as I was her friend and at that point she broke my perspective of what family is (Note I was 18 years old and I just started my own family). Anyway my dad was abusive prick, always told me I'd never reach anything, I'd never be anyone, I'm worth of nothing amd mom never stood up for me, but my little golden brother whom I love very much today but didn't at the time, never got any of it. I love my kids, I love my ex husband in a very respectful amd father friendly way, I always put my kids first, I love my brother (even after I hated him so much when we were young I chased him with a bloody knife, for real) I love all of them, most of all I love my partner, he is kind of picture of myself I just never realised. He is a shadow of my self-sabottage side of me, and he taught me so much, and even from begging, he taught me how to think of other persons feelings before doing something that would hurt them. Never before him I never thought of other persons feelings but mine own only. Back to the story, infidelity, untrusting.. all of this happened because I didn't think we'd stick together as long as we did and still going strong after abuse, wether physical or verbal (mostly) ,manipulative games, depression, infidelity and betrayal from my side and his side after few years, toxic cycle all the way, but where we stand today, if we wouldn't stick together I believe I'd never find anyone that I would love as much as him, and he would end up dead in worst case scenario. But as we were really strong and went through a lot of things, we kept on going. Love made us keep on going. Usually, I wouldn't stick around with people who'd done these things to me, as well as he wouldn't, but it's something stronger, like a force from outer space that always broke us together. We help each other now, we listen (we didn't do that in past as noone knew how to so we always ended up fighting) we care, we consider, we understand, we absorb and we react properly. It went from a toxic relationship from me, making him jealous on purpose to him screaming and shouting for everything little thing I did wrong, to us talking, listening, and understanding each other. I am very much happy with this relationship and for the first time in my life I am putting all my effort in this relationship and not chasing anyone else for adrenaline or dopamine as I feel he is that! He satisfies me in every view, and I finally wish to settle with him as I don't feel any need for infidelity or any other side ways. He listened to me. He cares. He understands. He is love of my life. But he is my pain in the ass as well. And I like it. He makes it interesting as well, as I believe he feels the same about me. We have challenges all the time, but we always solve them together. I think if this would be normal couples going through the same shit, they wouldn't be together as they would see red flags in each other everywhere. But he makes me feel alive, he makes me feel to want to take care of him, to be his soul mate, even when I don't like something, I will fake I like it because his smile means everything and one thing I like to do is to satisfy people that means the world to me. Even tho I'm such a disappointment. And he is an addict. And having a partner like that, I will go through everything to prove myself and my worth to that person. I basically will become and addict myself just to be in the same level, just to support them and make sure they dont feel alone. Where does that come from, I dont know (although I was born and raised with alcohol abuse since birth (parents & family parties all the time)- but not drugs). I tried cocaine when I was 25. Think I should be happy with that as if I'd tried it sooner, my story would end up differently. I tried weed, and I always had panic attacks as I didn't have control over my feelings and actions whilst I was high. I tried extasy, same batch as my friends had ( 27years old?) And it literally put my muscles to sleep. But my true extasy was music and it always kept me going to parties. I tried speed but always gave me swolen lymbs, and it was awful. But when I tried cocain, it made me myself, I knew who I was. I was confident. I could focus, and I felt myself. I didn't like drugs out of party premises, but my boyfriend was a lot onto that, so I followed. And followed. And went with it. And went against it. And against . Think he had a problem. But because I loved him so very much (not that any of that had any effort on my kids or anything-it was always only about myself), I always went with it. And I think I have a problem now. After so long, all I want is to have a coke and be myself and relax, talk to people like I normally wouldn't due to my severe anxiety. I'm trapped and surrounded with antidepressants, alcohol and cokaine, but one thing is for sure, I dearly very much want to end my life to relief myself from all depression and anxiety, but I love my kids faaaar too much to leave them behind and just thinking of their disappointment over years when they grow older, thinking why did mom did to me, did she not loved me enough or tought that kids wasn't good amd worthy for me enough, that would of killed me even in the next 10 lives I'd live. Broken and forgotten. He was lied and tortured and tortured. Learning and hurting over knowledge. No one deserves what I've been through. It wasn't SA (maybe it was but I don't remember I don't knoe...it probably was when I was black out drunk, multiple times, but as a child, might of happened as well) but mostly it started with being an unwanted child with adhd and special needs, who craved a lot of attention and love but never got one. Who am I? I truly believe that if I hadn't had my kids, I wouldn't probably be here today.
Btw: all this past with my childhood is chasing me up, I never talked about it with anyone and expressed my feelings about my parents regarding the way they treated me, so everything just cought up with me and it is making my anxiety so much worse than ever in my entire life
submitted by SANshine92 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
What the eff is wrong with me (f31). I've been through so much in my life as well, and people have been through a lot of shit because of me as I have put them through. As a child I have been wild and uncontrollable, rebellious whenever I was out of school, but when I was in school or even later in my years at job, I was very calm controlling person, well behaved, always smiled with loads of anxiety under disguise. I think I might have adhd and I'm waiting for diagnosis, but it will take years, unfortunately, for that. I'm impatient and very emotionally unstable (there are a lot more signs than just this, but that is main). Anyway, lately, I've been thinking or rather been triggered by people at work due to my child traumas that led me to think deeply about my parents and my childhood. I think I was unwanted child, as ive been treated just as a kid, just as if I'd be living in a foster home with someone who is forced to have you as ive never got so much love and attention from my parents, 70% of my childhood I can remember ive been told off, beaten and a child that needs alot of control (as I was very rebellious ever since I know about myself). It's hard to handle and always getting in trouble. I ran away multiple times, first time was when I was 4 years old, then I have been stealing other kids goods, their toys, I mean everything they had and I wanted, I stole and it happens since I was 4, didn't stopped untill I was 15. A lot of times, I've been caught and felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I still carried on. When I was 12 I fell into bad group of so called friends and started to drink, smoke, we stole from the shops intentionally and usually I was distraction in the shop for shop ladies who worked there, but even that, when I had chance I'd nip away a liter or any alcohol bottle or cigarettes. I was introduced to boys for intention to have relationship and sexual interaction but thankfully I was (according to my friends at the time) dumb and too shy to do anything or have guts to sleep with any of them. I felt stupid at the time because of that. Today, I can say thanks God I was the way I was, because only who knows where would I be if I'd started having sexual interactions at 13 years. Don't know where this came from, but a strong instinct didn't let me, or it is just the beginning of my anxiety of untrusting people. Anyways I'm glad I didn't. Although I was craving for any kind of touch just to feel loved and feel important in someone else's eyes, I knew that wasn't it. As long as I know myself, I always crave this satisfaction and love and attention. And these cravings came out later over the years. I had first sex when I was 14, and it felt like a must-do. I was "deadly" in love with some guy, and I even lied to him. I wasn't a virgin, just so I could taste how it feels to be loved in a physical way. This boy, he went through break up with his first love and I remember of my jealousy, the way he spoke about her, the way he felt about her, and I wished I had all this, I wished I was this person he was in love with. Anyway long story short, he didnt know I was a virgin and we ended up literally "fucking " somewhere unspecial, outdoors, literally just s3x, and I was also not crying but instead I was letting out pleasure voices just to go with it to make him feel good as well as myself but I failed on so many levels. And this cravings to have someone,to be someone's heart and soul and rock and have trust and everything... it never stopped. I grew into a bitter young lady, I was called a bitch multiple times and things (people) that was offered me on silver plate wasn't interesting enough, I ended up hurting them by using them or ghosting them, but I always fell for someone who needed a bit of challenge and chasing. I met a guy when I was 17, and he was a challenge, I was a fox, and he was a rabbit. It was such a difficult beginning due to my infidelity, but only because he gaslighted me for a few weeks. Anyway, strong force brought us together (I think it is due to challenges I felt over him, dopamine chasing, and going against my parents and everyone we knew in common that knew our story and didnt want to see us together, i wanted to prove them wrong). I got pregnant at 17, and by my 21st year old, I was pregnant with third child with him, meanwhile we gor married (think I was 20 or something), but I was awful partner I always longed for dopamine, extremes, adrenaline and infidelity gave me that. Awful wife and mother I was, deeply selfish and narrow looking. Hiding love affair for a year, chasing married mad as it was a challenge to me, tought I was in love but in reality it was just about adrenaline and secrecy, that made me feel alive in my so called marriage. It wasn't my only affair, there was plenty one night stands, I can't even remember, and it is embarrassing today. I hate myself for what I caused my ex-husband, and I can't imagine his emotional pain I caused to him. But after all, kept in touch, we kept each other close, like very good friends and we both put our children in first place. We raised them good and a lot of people admire us for that, knowing how bad this could turn out in the course but all we wanted is keeping our kids out of our drama and let them have best of both worlds-mom and dad on the other side. Today I'm thinking, the way I raise my kids, the way I listen to them and talk to/with them and advise them, making sure they are good, they are unique and that they are all I ever wanted, giving them everything I never had, support, thrust, safety... makes me feel very upset and angry as I never got that from my parents. And I will never understand them. I read goodnight books every night to my youngest child because she loves stories and she is a bookworm . I let my other daughter she is beauty in every single way, no matter how her bully feels. I lost my shit when the line was crossed with a bully, I went to school and even reported it (she is being bullied in school and iam not letting it slide through, but i wish when i was bullied my parents woulddefendme, the way i defend my daughter today) . I make sure my son is as weird he is. He is perfect to me(although I feel somehow I failed him as I was young and dumb when I had him). All that makes me think, I wasn't raised with those comforts, but I still give them to my kids. I love them more than anything, so why didn't my parents give any of this to me. I have a younger brother, and he was much more loved than I was, I can tell that, even he can. He was a golden boy, with great grades and good friends, unlike me. That, and comparing to how I feel about my kids and how I am raising them today, it is not fair for what I've been through as a child. Why is he wanted and I want at the time? It always and probably always will make me feel unwanted. Up untill today, my kids are happy, me and their dad forgot about our past, moved on and choose to put kids on first place, I've got partner (adhd as well of course) my kids love him and he is amazing. Our love story is pretty incredible and we mostly connected due to my mother's betrayal (she was trying to sleep with my boyfriend at the time which was few months before I met my partner) and we grew closer and closer. He was from another country but my untrusting instict was kicking off my mind and when we had long distance relationship, after all of betrayals in my life after all ground falls I've been through with opposite sex (not that I ever shower how much I care or put any effort into it) , after I told him, in 3d world country where I met him, I said, you can promise me everything but I'm not kind of girl who will fall for that or believe whatever BS you're saying, after having long distance relationship and talking and calling thousands times a day, after I betrayed him, got full on selfish drunk and black out cheated multiple times... we ended up stronger than ever, I ended up moving in his country and I was strong enough to convince my ex husband now and my brother (who was already looking for run out of the country-yes my golden boy bro who wasn't really golden but he was still perfect) to move with me. I was always thinking of my kids first, and I always wanted them to have their dad beside them always and forever! I remember at some point my mom wanted to take my brother and me to her national country to get us safe from our dad's fists and his anger, jealousy (related to mom-but I think jealousy was in the right place as my mom wasn't loyal- only I found this out when I had kid with my husband and she told me all about-basically I was her friend who listened amd not daughter, I think this infidelity from her side started sooner, I just don't know about it). She trusted me about her feelings about her infidelity and being in love with other man as I was her friend and at that point she broke my perspective of what family is (Note I was 18 years old and I just started my own family). Anyway my dad was abusive prick, always told me I'd never reach anything, I'd never be anyone, I'm worth of nothing amd mom never stood up for me, but my little golden brother whom I love very much today but didn't at the time, never got any of it. I love my kids, I love my ex husband in a very respectful amd father friendly way, I always put my kids first, I love my brother (even after I hated him so much when we were young I chased him with a bloody knife, for real) I love all of them, most of all I love my partner, he is kind of picture of myself I just never realised. He is a shadow of my self-sabottage side of me, and he taught me so much, and even from begging, he taught me how to think of other persons feelings before doing something that would hurt them. Never before him I never thought of other persons feelings but mine own only. Back to the story, infidelity, untrusting.. all of this happened because I didn't think we'd stick together as long as we did and still going strong after abuse, wether physical or verbal (mostly) ,manipulative games, depression, infidelity and betrayal from my side and his side after few years, toxic cycle all the way, but where we stand today, if we wouldn't stick together I believe I'd never find anyone that I would love as much as him, and he would end up dead in worst case scenario. But as we were really strong and went through a lot of things, we kept on going. Love made us keep on going. Usually, I wouldn't stick around with people who'd done these things to me, as well as he wouldn't, but it's something stronger, like a force from outer space that always broke us together. We help each other now, we listen (we didn't do that in past as noone knew how to so we always ended up fighting) we care, we consider, we understand, we absorb and we react properly. It went from a toxic relationship from me, making him jealous on purpose to him screaming and shouting for everything little thing I did wrong, to us talking, listening, and understanding each other. I am very much happy with this relationship and for the first time in my life I am putting all my effort in this relationship and not chasing anyone else for adrenaline or dopamine as I feel he is that! He satisfies me in every view, and I finally wish to settle with him as I don't feel any need for infidelity or any other side ways. He listened to me. He cares. He understands. He is love of my life. But he is my pain in the ass as well. And I like it. He makes it interesting as well, as I believe he feels the same about me. We have challenges all the time, but we always solve them together. I think if this would be normal couples going through the same shit, they wouldn't be together as they would see red flags in each other everywhere. But he makes me feel alive, he makes me feel to want to take care of him, to be his soul mate, even when I don't like something, I will fake I like it because his smile means everything and one thing I like to do is to satisfy people that means the world to me. Even tho I'm such a disappointment. And he is an addict. And having a partner like that, I will go through everything to prove myself and my worth to that person. I basically will become and addict myself just to be in the same level, just to support them and make sure they dont feel alone. Where does that come from, I dont know (although I was born and raised with alcohol abuse since birth (parents & family parties all the time)- but not drugs). I tried cocaine when I was 25. Think I should be happy with that as if I'd tried it sooner, my story would end up differently. I tried weed, and I always had panic attacks as I didn't have control over my feelings and actions whilst I was high. I tried extasy, same batch as my friends had ( 27years old?) And it literally put my muscles to sleep. But my true extasy was music and it always kept me going to parties. I tried speed but always gave me swolen lymbs, and it was awful. But when I tried cocain, it made me myself, I knew who I was. I was confident. I could focus, and I felt myself. I didn't like drugs out of party premises, but my boyfriend was a lot onto that, so I followed. And followed. And went with it. And went against it. And against . Think he had a problem. But because I loved him so very much (not that any of that had any effort on my kids or anything-it was always only about myself), I always went with it. And I think I have a problem now. After so long, all I want is to have a coke and be myself and relax, talk to people like I normally wouldn't due to my severe anxiety. I'm trapped and surrounded with antidepressants, alcohol and cokaine, but one thing is for sure, I dearly very much want to end my life to relief myself from all depression and anxiety, but I love my kids faaaar too much to leave them behind and just thinking of their disappointment over years when they grow older, thinking why did mom did to me, did she not loved me enough or tought that kids wasn't good amd worthy for me enough, that would of killed me even in the next 10 lives I'd live. Broken and forgotten. He was lied and tortured and tortured. Learning and hurting over knowledge. No one deserves what I've been through. It wasn't SA (maybe it was but I don't remember I don't knoe...it probably was when I was black out drunk, multiple times, but as a child, might of happened as well) but mostly it started with being an unwanted child with adhd and special needs, who craved a lot of attention and love but never got one. Who am I? I truly believe that if I hadn't had my kids, I wouldn't probably be here today.
Btw: all this past with my childhood is chasing me up, I never talked about it with anyone and expressed my feelings about my parents regarding the way they treated me, so everything just cought up with me and it is making my anxiety so much worse than ever in my entire life
2024.06.09 05:45 GuyIncognito252 My TF Separation
Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting here. I held back from saying anything but for some reason I was pushed to post this today. I am a male DF, and currently in separation from my twin. This might be a longer one, so whomever takes their valuable time to read this; I appreciate you and I hope you get the best in your life (this goes for anyone who might troll too).
So my journey started back in June of 2022. I met my TF at the gym. Same ethnic background, same age, and weirdly enough; when I showed my mom a picture of her, she said that we looked related. My friend literally was in shock when he realized that we have the same eyes. There was one problem though…..she was married. We kept it as friends for a bit but the more we communicated, the more we realized and agreed that this relationship between us wasn’t normal. On my end, I saw repeating numbers, animals following me around (specifically 2 crows), and even one time where she hugged me and I swear to God that I heard her say “I love you too” in my head. A few weeks later, she said the real thing in person. Things evolved quick…like super quick. And I found out the truth about her marriage. She’s from a different country, and the marriage wasn’t founded upon love. It wasn’t arranged, she just made a stupid mistake that she regretted. But, it was the reason she came to America. It was really toxic. Like every sort of abuse you can imagine except for physical. She wanted to leave, but she needed money and was afraid of how her parents would react back home. She needed a job, and she was trying to become to cop (ironically in the same city where my parents own a business and actually know everyone pretty much in the precinct). Our entire time together literally encompassed her initial academy test, all the way until the first week of her actual academy (10 months give or take). When I asked her if there’s a chance of us being together her response was “My biggest fear is that I keep you waiting because I don’t know WHEN I’m going to leave him”. This was very early on before she even had the job. I told her that I’d wait until I was 80 if I had to, and I meant it. A few months later, she told me that she saw a future with me.
We were so happy when we were together. We got closer and closer each week. There were times where I swear to God I would feel depressed out of nowhere and when I talked to her, she was too. We would find every excuse to hold a hand, give a hug, or even a kiss on the palms or forehead. We both got SUPER close to an intimate kiss many times, but we both had strong morals. Ironically enough, the very last I saw her, she finally caved and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. She was so embarrassed that she cracked, it was so cute lol.
We would communicate mainly through IG. Which is where in April of last year, she told me that her husband saw our messages. And to not text or call her anymore. No I’m sorry, no I love you, no good bye. I knew it wasn’t her who wrote that because she never used the word “husband”. It made her skin crawl when thinking of him like that. I know it was him who told her to write that or even wrote it himself.
Everything went dark. It literally was like that Homelander meme where all he hears is a ringing sound. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. I called my mom. Oddly and calmly she said “This is the beginning of the end for her marriage. Trust me”. Which was odd because she always told me to move on and don’t talk to a married woman.
This happened 2 weeks before I turned 33. The age where everyone says is the Age of Enlightenment….yeah. Yup. Oh yeah. And here is where the unexplainable stuff started to happen. So she didn’t block me, or unfollow me for weeks. Until my mom called one day and said the police captain told her that she was in the academy and doing a great job so far. This was the first news I got about her since the separation. My mom talked to them about her during the interview process so they remembered. Literally as soon as I got off the phone, I checked IG……and she unfollowed me during that call.
I’ll try to be less granular here; but over the next year, I literally changed on a spiritual level. And others noticed. I became a mode of support for others. My empathy was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And I started helping others in their spiritual journey. I have a friend who I train at the gym who started going through girl problems and I used my experiences here as a template to guide him. I’m different now….very different. In a great way. But I also feel like I’m legitimately going through a manic episode. Let me explain, here’s some more “weird” stuff that the ego cannot comprehend:
-Since last June, I’ve had vivid dreams about her. I would write down the dates of when they happened….nearly every single one of them took place during the 5 day windows of new/full moons
-Last June I got an INCREDIBLE pull in my heart. I started crying out of nowhere and my gut told me to go to the gym that second. I checked her IG and she had just deleted hundreds of followers (I was in the DNOTS and was checking every hour at that time). I think it was him deleted all her male friends, just a gut feeling.
-I’m seeing repeating numbers every single day. They would cycle as to what was the “hot” number at the time (the one that kept showing up the most). This includes 144 and her birthday especially since the Total eclipse in April (also, we separated the day after the last total eclipse in April 2023)
-I ask the universe/God for a sign to move on or stay, and within hours I get a weird sign that tells me to push forward. This happens like once a month
-Every bit of news I’ve gotten has come from the police officers. Back in April, my mom asked for a sign from God about this whole thingand they came in to tell us the first news in months just a few days after. Now she’s convinced this is all real and she’s coming back
-Speaking of, the news was that she moved to a different department in the force. One that was away from the field duties. Why is that weird? 2 days before we found out, I had an anxiety attack thinking about what if we get together and something bad happens to her. That fear was resolved with the move.
-There was a point where I would see multiple sets of butterflies every single day as I would drive around….in the winter here on the West Coast. I think I’ve seen maybe 2 since then. I guess symbolizing transformation
-Finally, right when I first met her I didn’t even get a feeling that she was my twin; I went to my close friend who reads and he said that I will be with a girl who is literally just like me, we will have a very quick and intense build-up, and I will know within a month that I want to marry her. The very next day I saw her for the first time in a week, and realized she was talking about her life almost exactly like she was telling me about mine. And 2 weeks later, I knew I wanted to marry her (this was before I found out the truth about her marriage, so it was a weird thing for me to think of)
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Idk what I expect from writing this post. My intuition isn’t letting me give up on this and I’m pretty much in a “well, I’ll make myself better for her and I and help others along the way until she returns” mindset. I don’t care for other girls anymore, and that’s…calming. If you want to give advice, use my post for motivation on your own journey, provide some words of encouragement, or just tell me I’m crazy; I appreciate you, regardless. Shit, maybe one of you are supposed to give me a sign today, who knows.
One last thing; being a TF isn’t easy. It sucks. This is fucking hell. But….nothing worth it ever comes easy. Follow your gut, never give up, and most of all; never lose hope.
Thank you
submitted by GuyIncognito252 to twinflames [link] [comments]
So my journey started back in June of 2022. I met my TF at the gym. Same ethnic background, same age, and weirdly enough; when I showed my mom a picture of her, she said that we looked related. My friend literally was in shock when he realized that we have the same eyes. There was one problem though…..she was married. We kept it as friends for a bit but the more we communicated, the more we realized and agreed that this relationship between us wasn’t normal. On my end, I saw repeating numbers, animals following me around (specifically 2 crows), and even one time where she hugged me and I swear to God that I heard her say “I love you too” in my head. A few weeks later, she said the real thing in person. Things evolved quick…like super quick. And I found out the truth about her marriage. She’s from a different country, and the marriage wasn’t founded upon love. It wasn’t arranged, she just made a stupid mistake that she regretted. But, it was the reason she came to America. It was really toxic. Like every sort of abuse you can imagine except for physical. She wanted to leave, but she needed money and was afraid of how her parents would react back home. She needed a job, and she was trying to become to cop (ironically in the same city where my parents own a business and actually know everyone pretty much in the precinct). Our entire time together literally encompassed her initial academy test, all the way until the first week of her actual academy (10 months give or take). When I asked her if there’s a chance of us being together her response was “My biggest fear is that I keep you waiting because I don’t know WHEN I’m going to leave him”. This was very early on before she even had the job. I told her that I’d wait until I was 80 if I had to, and I meant it. A few months later, she told me that she saw a future with me.
We were so happy when we were together. We got closer and closer each week. There were times where I swear to God I would feel depressed out of nowhere and when I talked to her, she was too. We would find every excuse to hold a hand, give a hug, or even a kiss on the palms or forehead. We both got SUPER close to an intimate kiss many times, but we both had strong morals. Ironically enough, the very last I saw her, she finally caved and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. She was so embarrassed that she cracked, it was so cute lol.
We would communicate mainly through IG. Which is where in April of last year, she told me that her husband saw our messages. And to not text or call her anymore. No I’m sorry, no I love you, no good bye. I knew it wasn’t her who wrote that because she never used the word “husband”. It made her skin crawl when thinking of him like that. I know it was him who told her to write that or even wrote it himself.
Everything went dark. It literally was like that Homelander meme where all he hears is a ringing sound. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. I called my mom. Oddly and calmly she said “This is the beginning of the end for her marriage. Trust me”. Which was odd because she always told me to move on and don’t talk to a married woman.
This happened 2 weeks before I turned 33. The age where everyone says is the Age of Enlightenment….yeah. Yup. Oh yeah. And here is where the unexplainable stuff started to happen. So she didn’t block me, or unfollow me for weeks. Until my mom called one day and said the police captain told her that she was in the academy and doing a great job so far. This was the first news I got about her since the separation. My mom talked to them about her during the interview process so they remembered. Literally as soon as I got off the phone, I checked IG……and she unfollowed me during that call.
I’ll try to be less granular here; but over the next year, I literally changed on a spiritual level. And others noticed. I became a mode of support for others. My empathy was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And I started helping others in their spiritual journey. I have a friend who I train at the gym who started going through girl problems and I used my experiences here as a template to guide him. I’m different now….very different. In a great way. But I also feel like I’m legitimately going through a manic episode. Let me explain, here’s some more “weird” stuff that the ego cannot comprehend:
-Since last June, I’ve had vivid dreams about her. I would write down the dates of when they happened….nearly every single one of them took place during the 5 day windows of new/full moons
-Last June I got an INCREDIBLE pull in my heart. I started crying out of nowhere and my gut told me to go to the gym that second. I checked her IG and she had just deleted hundreds of followers (I was in the DNOTS and was checking every hour at that time). I think it was him deleted all her male friends, just a gut feeling.
-I’m seeing repeating numbers every single day. They would cycle as to what was the “hot” number at the time (the one that kept showing up the most). This includes 144 and her birthday especially since the Total eclipse in April (also, we separated the day after the last total eclipse in April 2023)
-I ask the universe/God for a sign to move on or stay, and within hours I get a weird sign that tells me to push forward. This happens like once a month
-Every bit of news I’ve gotten has come from the police officers. Back in April, my mom asked for a sign from God about this whole thingand they came in to tell us the first news in months just a few days after. Now she’s convinced this is all real and she’s coming back
-Speaking of, the news was that she moved to a different department in the force. One that was away from the field duties. Why is that weird? 2 days before we found out, I had an anxiety attack thinking about what if we get together and something bad happens to her. That fear was resolved with the move.
-There was a point where I would see multiple sets of butterflies every single day as I would drive around….in the winter here on the West Coast. I think I’ve seen maybe 2 since then. I guess symbolizing transformation
-Finally, right when I first met her I didn’t even get a feeling that she was my twin; I went to my close friend who reads and he said that I will be with a girl who is literally just like me, we will have a very quick and intense build-up, and I will know within a month that I want to marry her. The very next day I saw her for the first time in a week, and realized she was talking about her life almost exactly like she was telling me about mine. And 2 weeks later, I knew I wanted to marry her (this was before I found out the truth about her marriage, so it was a weird thing for me to think of)
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Idk what I expect from writing this post. My intuition isn’t letting me give up on this and I’m pretty much in a “well, I’ll make myself better for her and I and help others along the way until she returns” mindset. I don’t care for other girls anymore, and that’s…calming. If you want to give advice, use my post for motivation on your own journey, provide some words of encouragement, or just tell me I’m crazy; I appreciate you, regardless. Shit, maybe one of you are supposed to give me a sign today, who knows.
One last thing; being a TF isn’t easy. It sucks. This is fucking hell. But….nothing worth it ever comes easy. Follow your gut, never give up, and most of all; never lose hope.
Thank you
2024.06.09 05:28 Leadership-Various (19m) being gay is making me depressed..
Im so sorry for a long post but I just don't know where else to get this off my chest.. For years i've harbored so many thoughts and bad memories, seen so much hatred in the LGBT community and felt so disconnected from everyone, I genuinely feel like there is no path for me to take, and no future where i'll ever be happy. I wake up everyday and hate the fact i've told my family about my sexual orientation, I hate the overzealous, flamboyant gay media icons representing the community and twisting everyone's perception on how and what a gay person should be like. I hate being associated with the LGBT movement when anyone discovers i'm into men. I hate developing romantic and sexual feelings for guys i will never have a chance with. I fucking hate the fact that this is something a part of me that will never change no matter how hard i try, and i loathe myself every night knowing I never experienced the teen love and first romances that every straight couple in school had. But when it comes to the gay community, it just seems the entire culture is just about quick hookups and sex based relationships. It's absurd how easy it is to get sucked into the void of grooming and need for validation in the more mature side of the community, but This isn't at all what i want. The past 5 years i've been single, aside from a few sexual encounters because i wanted time to reflect on my identity and work on myself as a person (gym, making an income). But whenever i would see a straight couple in public, I can't help but be reminded of how toxic the LGBT community is, and will never experience the feeling of being desired romantically by someone for something other than sex. I daydream so often about different types of dates i would take my partner on, the interests and hobbies i would show them, the meals and treats i would want to cook when they feeling sick or down..To be there for them when they reach low points in life. I just don't understand why it's so difficult to find a person who would reciprocate the love Id give them. And this feeling of isolation, enviousness, and self hatred combined with drinking and smoking weed every night has driven me into suicidal tendencies which are unfortunately not new to me.
Since i've been a little kid, i had somewhat known i was different becuase I would find myself having a lot more.. interest in men's physiques on magazines and different websites due to unrestricted internet access many of us unfortunately had at such a young age. In middle school was when I started discovering my sexuality and identity as a whole. And for some god forsaken reason i thought it best to come out as gay, which word had eventually spread throughout school. looking back now, I was probably in the most confused point in my life. Shortly after, one of my best friends at the time had found out i had a crush on him, which once he confronted me he gave the typical straight guy "Ew what the fuck?" response. From then on he never talked to me again, which started the downward spiral into body dysmorphia and self hatred i'm sure all of us are familiar with. It was then I started mingling online with people who considered themselves part of the LGBT community in order to try and find people to help guide me in a sense. This would come to be one of my biggest regrets.
High school might have been the worst part of my life. I would, once again, lose my best friend after finding out i liked him. At this point too, i'd already spiraled into depression and feelings of isolation. It was then that i started talking to someone online that i met through some connections, and led to a mostly online relationship. We "dated" for nearly a year which was not much more than exchanging love messages and sending pictures to eachother. Yet the betrayal and abuse he would incite not only on me, but other people within our online circle led to everyone understandably hating and distrusting him. But i was so desperate for a relationship that i was blinded by illusion of love, and even though everyone tried to advise me to leave and stop talking to him i would just refuse. from talking to other guys behind my back to breaking up other people's relationships for his own amusement, i was stupid and desperate enough to love him through all of it. Eventually we would meet up. And i'd thought to myself that this was the happiest moment of my life, finally being able to meet the person i'd been in love with.. We even exchanged a kiss that night. But the morning after i would come to find pictures another guy in our circle sent to me of him getting f*cked by the same person i fell in love with. And in that moment, deep down i don't think i had ever felt lonelier and helpless in my entire life. In Junior year i switched to another high school. And I thought to myself that maybe I would have somewhat of a clean slate here. I would lie and tell everyone i was straight, make up fake scenarios of past girlfriends, and trying my best to make everyone think i was straight.
My entire fucking life has just been about hating my sexuality and existence. And Ever since this ordeal, everything has been a blur. I've no close friends to talk to any of this about. I feel so disconnected from my family which is an entire fucking can of worms on its own, and out of pure fucking unluck the only friend i do talk to, i've developed a crush on. He knows nothing of my sexual orientation and should he find out, i'm so scared to lose the last remaining person in my life who i can call a friend. I feel unworthy of life, and life is not worth living
I'm just gonna cut this short before it gets too long..
submitted by Leadership-Various to offmychest [link] [comments]
Since i've been a little kid, i had somewhat known i was different becuase I would find myself having a lot more.. interest in men's physiques on magazines and different websites due to unrestricted internet access many of us unfortunately had at such a young age. In middle school was when I started discovering my sexuality and identity as a whole. And for some god forsaken reason i thought it best to come out as gay, which word had eventually spread throughout school. looking back now, I was probably in the most confused point in my life. Shortly after, one of my best friends at the time had found out i had a crush on him, which once he confronted me he gave the typical straight guy "Ew what the fuck?" response. From then on he never talked to me again, which started the downward spiral into body dysmorphia and self hatred i'm sure all of us are familiar with. It was then I started mingling online with people who considered themselves part of the LGBT community in order to try and find people to help guide me in a sense. This would come to be one of my biggest regrets.
High school might have been the worst part of my life. I would, once again, lose my best friend after finding out i liked him. At this point too, i'd already spiraled into depression and feelings of isolation. It was then that i started talking to someone online that i met through some connections, and led to a mostly online relationship. We "dated" for nearly a year which was not much more than exchanging love messages and sending pictures to eachother. Yet the betrayal and abuse he would incite not only on me, but other people within our online circle led to everyone understandably hating and distrusting him. But i was so desperate for a relationship that i was blinded by illusion of love, and even though everyone tried to advise me to leave and stop talking to him i would just refuse. from talking to other guys behind my back to breaking up other people's relationships for his own amusement, i was stupid and desperate enough to love him through all of it. Eventually we would meet up. And i'd thought to myself that this was the happiest moment of my life, finally being able to meet the person i'd been in love with.. We even exchanged a kiss that night. But the morning after i would come to find pictures another guy in our circle sent to me of him getting f*cked by the same person i fell in love with. And in that moment, deep down i don't think i had ever felt lonelier and helpless in my entire life. In Junior year i switched to another high school. And I thought to myself that maybe I would have somewhat of a clean slate here. I would lie and tell everyone i was straight, make up fake scenarios of past girlfriends, and trying my best to make everyone think i was straight.
My entire fucking life has just been about hating my sexuality and existence. And Ever since this ordeal, everything has been a blur. I've no close friends to talk to any of this about. I feel so disconnected from my family which is an entire fucking can of worms on its own, and out of pure fucking unluck the only friend i do talk to, i've developed a crush on. He knows nothing of my sexual orientation and should he find out, i'm so scared to lose the last remaining person in my life who i can call a friend. I feel unworthy of life, and life is not worth living
I'm just gonna cut this short before it gets too long..
2024.06.09 05:15 Ashamed_Ball_3239 I (33M) just broke up with the love of my life (32F). It’s a long story. Did I do enough? Did I make a mistake?
Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, unbeknownst to my friends and family (other than my brother) I (33M) told my girlfriend (32F) we can no longer be together.
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’
submitted by Ashamed_Ball_3239 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’
2024.06.09 05:04 Ashamed_Ball_3239 I just broke up with the love of my life. This is my story. It’s bloody long.
Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, unbeknownst to my friends and family (other than my brother) I (33M) told my girlfriend (32F) we can no longer be together.
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’
submitted by Ashamed_Ball_3239 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
I am from England and now reside Los Angeles California where I work as a waiter (no I don’t want to be an actor I just want to be happy). I am from a working class but new money background who had a good up bringing despite the separation of my mother and father when I was born. I moved to the USA ten years ago to see what else life had to offer. I have always been care-free, happy and, I’d like to think, nice to be around. I have many friends in the UK and here and have an excellent(and fought for) relationships with both sides of my family.
My ex-girlfriend is French Tunisian, Jewish and was schooled in Taiwan, the US French School system and France. She is from a fairly dogmatic Jewish family and her father is an internationally recognised entrepreneur, one of the most successful in France (and no slouch in the US). Her family home is in Bel Air and her family split time between a few different countries.
We have been together for nearly two years after meeting through a shared friend. Our love of dancing, dining and pseudo intellectualism led to a chaotic early relationship where we would argue furiously, but enjoyably, about a myriad of topics and found our vast chasms of differences to be great pools of shared interests. Despite not having been in a relationship since I was left by my girlfriend in 2014 and having dated many women she was the first time I’d felt love in a long time. A feeling I thought might never come back.
As time went on we settled into a rhythm that would occasionally be disturbed by what I can only describe as moments of mania in my partner. She eventually told me she suffers from BPD and has an anxiety disorder. As I grew up with a step-father who suffered from depression who loved my mother and helped raise myself and my brother with dignity and care I knew I could separate the disease from the person and have worked to help her rise to the challenge of her illness. Eventually we reached a point where she realised she needed medicine to fight this battle and sought help and she has emerged the best version of herself.
This all took place as she, a chef, sold her business, struggled with stress induced hair loss, irrational temper, misplaced feelings of betrayal (she once found a pair of underpants that were not my own or hers and accused me of cheating to the point that I started to question what I actually knew to be true. I have never cheated on anyone and never would) and would occasionally act in a way that would reduce me to tears. I have always had an argumentative streak, but I am not aggressive. I once remarked that I had more arguments with my partner in a few months than I’d had in my entire life. This was a difference in upbringing in my mind, I saw rage and love to be separate roads but my partner saw them as natural, converging parts of love and passion (French!) I was willing to believe I could learn to understand those differences and grow. I knew we could overcome these things. I believed I knew.
There were certain differences that were insignificant in the face of love so I learnt to change. I am not keen on public displays of affection or at least her style of it, this is something I tried to change despite my discomfort. She would happily kiss me passionately and furiously and touch me in a way I felt was sometimes…mistimed.I was happy to exchange love, to kiss briefly, to hold her, to be by her side, I did all the things I felt were right, she was never without affection (naturally these things are from my perspective, I would hope she never felt unloved or ‘sexy’). I eventually relented in these hang ups and began to act in public more as she would want, I’m still unsure, due to her unbelievable conviction in her beliefs if this was the first compromise of many in who I was.
She did have hang-ups about her looks, she had been bullied when she was younger and in some small way by her family. I thought she was absolutely beautiful, she was so different from anyone I’d met, the way she moved and danced, the way she sang in French in the shower(she was an incredible talent in many things, spoke 3 languages fluently and understood many others). She did however believe that I, physically, was out of her league and I could never convince her otherwise, I could never give her enough confidence in our aesthetic compatibility and whenever she did see us as equals it was fleeting, quickly replaced by her anxieties about her weight (she had an a world beating physique, a body most women would have to buy).
Now for me.
I have suffered with a lifelong issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and the shame and distress it can cause, including poor treatment by certain women that has worsened my anxiety around sex which I treat with viagra and heavy pot smoking in the evening (I do realise this isn’t exactly ‘doing the work’ but I felt i’d found a structure). My partner helped in my growth in this issue and treated me with care and love bringing me to a point where occasionally I could make love without assistance. This was one of the greatest feelings in my life, to feel respected and loved, to be seen as a man. I felt like I didn’t have to avoid sex anymore. This took a great toll on her and in some ways I think my issues, despite her denial, made her feel unattractive. These issues still persist today and may last the rest of my life, I hope to keep working on them and plan to seek therapy.
This journey, for both of us, was stressful but she started to shine outside of her illness, finding a peace with herself. I should mention that she is a very forceful, powerful and demanding woman, while also being, serene, calm and kind. It is an intoxicating blend and I always found her company wonderful, though occasionally, as my father once put it, it would be like “standing too close to the sun” (I told her about this and we both found it funny. In fact there was very little I wouldn’t share with her, I am honest to a fault).
There are however some caveats that I must be clear about, or as clear as I can understand them. I had a nagging sense that in order to allow my partners ‘light to shine’ so to speak that I must diminish mine (she never asked this of me or implied I must change). This led to my , normally extroverted , personality to start to fade and be replaced with this sometimes timid, sometimes briefly extroverted behaviour, but always with a concerned mind to how I’m behaving, or how she was behaving. I felt, particularly when she had too much to drink , I was concerned about her behaviour, her slight habit of dominating conversations. , sometimes she would go overboard in the way she spoke to other people and I would feel embarrassed (I started to defend these behaviours rather than confront them - another weakness in me not her).
I was frequently unable to stay out late on nights and out and find myself wondering if my partner is okay if she were at home alone, if I should be with her or if I would disrespect her by speaking to other people. I began to actively ignore platonic conversations with women in order to retain some outsized idea of ‘honour’. I suppose I had started to absorb her slight Co-dependency.
Side bar: My partner had come from a myriad of failed previous relationships that involved infidelity on both sides, sexual violence, addiction in her partners, a cancelled marriage in her twenties and various other things I imagine would destroy a lesser person. She has no real friends in the USA and has no girlfriends preferring, from what I understand, the company of her partners male friends. She likes being ‘one of the lads’ so to speak.
This is not the person I saw, nor did a person’s past concern me. I have loved many people in my life who had made mistakes and I judge people by their treatment of me. I suppose a result of a ‘colourful’ upbringing.
Un…side bar?
My partner is a jealous and possessive person, sometimes in jest and occasionally with an air of seriousness, and I am incredibly relaxed and do not experience real jealousy. I once joked that if I came home to find the plumber shagging her I’d ask if he’d like a cup of tea and when he’d be done with the plumbing.
As my partners star rose in our relationship, as she shedded the skins of her past I think I started to pick them up and wear them. I became a sort of low-rent Jesus. A rubbish bargain-bin Jesus. I started to become quieter and more anxious, I began to smoke weed with more frequency and began bottling my problems and hiding behind video games (my first love). Looking back I think this was the onset of my depression.
As a result of these feelings my sexual problems returned and I looked to testosterone therapy to try and change who I was for her. Once again - she did not ask this of me, but my inclination to please her led me to believe I must. Eventually, after some short term successes, (two months or so of a high sex drive and a feeling of real, raw, masculine power, something I’d never felt before) the medication I was taking pushed my oestrogen so high I began to experience huge bouts of anger and sadness, losing my temper quickly and crying with abundance. My drug induced personality changes reached a point where my hair began to fall out, a combination of stress, increased testosterone/an adverse reaction to the medicine. This combination of symptoms resulted in me immediately, after conversation with my partner, stopping the drug.
Since stopping in March my mood started to become more erratic, my feelings of perpetual happiness disappeared leaving thin wisps of who I was before. I lost my hope, my love of life and my feelings of freedom, in who I was and how I felt. In some ways I felt I had become my partner when I met her. Fractious and broken, despairing and resentful, suspicious of my friends.
There was also the issue of the war in Gaza. I never believed a political/cultural issue could drive a wedge between two people who loved each other, mostly because being English boils down to a few interchangeable stereotypes. I am, however, an outspoken and staunch atheist, a lover of Christopher Hitchens, a pacifist and someone who believes people are inherently good. Despite our shared atheism she did not share my positive outlook on humanity and she had very strong, somewhat ‘fundamentalist’ beliefs about Israel and their enemies (her brother was an ex-IDF sniper who, despite this unusual vocation, I liked and enjoyed the company of, we are all products of our environment after all).
I found myself burying my disgust with the ongoing conflict, stifling my beliefs about the war and adjusting my own opinions. I even allowed her father (who would not speak to me other than a ‘hello’) to hang religious symbols in our home. I did this because I wanted her to reforge the fractious relationship she had with her family. I was however, despite these concessions, never truly welcomed by them, particularly her father (family is incredibly important to me) I would always be an outsider regardless of how much I loved her or how well I treated her. Only being Jewish would be enough. This hurt me but I buried it as deep as I could, believing I needed to earn THEIR respect. This was a mistake.
She would sometimes laugh or rejoice in the pain of Gaza’s civilians, there was a blood thirsty element that I couldn’t comprehend fully. I, from what I now understand of American culture, believe it is born of fear - I must destroy them before they destroy me. And I do not deny that both sides are wrong in their, ironically (and historically) similar beliefs and that given an exchange of opinions power Hamas would do as to Israel as Israel is doing to Hamas. I felt I was baited into debates where no ground could be given, I would find myself screaming and angry, our arguments would reach huge, borderline dangerous (never physical) crescendos. She would recover from these quickly. I would feel like a piece of me had been carved off, chipped away.
I suppose at this point I’ve written enough to explain that these buried feelings, these differences, these arguments, my extinguishing personality and my weakened mental state led to me, in a moment and after a small argument surrounding her feelings of anxiety over our relationship led to me snapping.
I told her I could no longer continue the relationship as the road we were taking would lead to assured mutual destruction. Or at least it would lead to my destruction. Or that’s how i felt (this is what I’m trying to reconcile).
I do not know whether I should have asked for more of her, been strong enough to not change (but then would we still be together?) or communicated more honestly about my feelings. I feel like I did everything I could to help her and hurt myself.
I am left a less sure person, a less confident person who cannot remember how to be who he was before. And now I am without the person I loved, despite all our differences, and I feel I have hurt her beyond measure as an act of self preservation. I feel selfish, wounded and victimised. I feel cold to what I have done, I feel distant from who I am and now for the first time I am seeking validation from the faceless snake of the internet. I am concerned I will be judged, I fear people will see through me and tell me I’m weak and wrong. But I need clarity, I need to understand.
I’m sorry for how confused this story is, i’m sorry the timeline is Nolan-like and my grammar variable and inconsistent. I’m sorry I can’t stop saying sorry.
I still love her but I know I have to let her go.
I hope, like Don Henley crooned, ‘it wasn’t really wasted time’
2024.06.09 05:04 Ehlicksur [US-NY] [H] White 7V Bundle with Extras / GMK Striker R2 Base + Deskmat [W] PayPal
CONUS Only:
Timestamp
7V with a ton of extras + GMK Striker R2 bundle
Looking to sell my White 7V with a load of extras included. Listed price does include shipping.
-White 7V with silver weight. Light micro scratches on the rims of the weight and a protective film on the back of the weight which can be removed. Protective film has been sitting on the 7V for years now and the back of the weight does not have any scratches or marks.
-Will come with 2 OG PCBs. One GoK PCB is soldered with Lubed and Filmed Alpaca V2’s that have seen years of use and are broken in along with Lubed and Tuned White Gateron V2 Stabs (205 on rails / BDZ on wires). The other PCB is also an OG GoK PCB millmaxed with 7305 sockets.
-The board will come with 3 plates, the OG Aluminum and PC plate as well as 3rd party custom cut POM plate. Will come with all original foams as well as SF foam + PE foam.
-Comes with the original box / cloth / accessories / inserts / etc. as pictured in the timestamp. Box does have some wear but nothing serious.
-Would be looking to do $800 shipped for the 7V bundle alone
-If you would like to also purchase the 7V with GMK Striker R2 Base Kit + Deskmat I would be looking for $900 shipped I am open to negotiating prices as well.
-GMK Striker R2 Base has seen some use from myself but there is no serious or noticeable shine / wear on the keys and the deskmat has been routinely cleaned by myself.
If you have any questions / concerns / interest, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I can also split between the keycap set and keyboard as well to be shipped on their own. All included items will be shipped in a proper box + bubble wrap with insurance attached to the shipping label.
submitted by Ehlicksur to mechmarket [link] [comments]
Timestamp
7V with a ton of extras + GMK Striker R2 bundle
Looking to sell my White 7V with a load of extras included. Listed price does include shipping.
-White 7V with silver weight. Light micro scratches on the rims of the weight and a protective film on the back of the weight which can be removed. Protective film has been sitting on the 7V for years now and the back of the weight does not have any scratches or marks.
-Will come with 2 OG PCBs. One GoK PCB is soldered with Lubed and Filmed Alpaca V2’s that have seen years of use and are broken in along with Lubed and Tuned White Gateron V2 Stabs (205 on rails / BDZ on wires). The other PCB is also an OG GoK PCB millmaxed with 7305 sockets.
-The board will come with 3 plates, the OG Aluminum and PC plate as well as 3rd party custom cut POM plate. Will come with all original foams as well as SF foam + PE foam.
-Comes with the original box / cloth / accessories / inserts / etc. as pictured in the timestamp. Box does have some wear but nothing serious.
-Would be looking to do $800 shipped for the 7V bundle alone
-If you would like to also purchase the 7V with GMK Striker R2 Base Kit + Deskmat I would be looking for $900 shipped I am open to negotiating prices as well.
-GMK Striker R2 Base has seen some use from myself but there is no serious or noticeable shine / wear on the keys and the deskmat has been routinely cleaned by myself.
If you have any questions / concerns / interest, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I can also split between the keycap set and keyboard as well to be shipped on their own. All included items will be shipped in a proper box + bubble wrap with insurance attached to the shipping label.
2024.06.09 05:02 Ok-Common5451 I parent on ‘hard’ mode so my partner can parent on ‘easy’ mode
I parent on ‘hard’ mode so he can parent on ‘easy’ mode
I’m so tired of being the ‘default parent’, the ‘household manager’. I plan the meals, I buy the groceries, I cook the meals, I most often clean up from them. I make the doctors appointments, I keep track of things to do and not be forgotten. I water the plants, pull the weeds, keep the house looking nice, clean the bathrooms, pick up the toys, sweep the floors. I do our babies laundry and my own (I got my own hamper bc I was tired of doing my partners laundry, his is currently overflowing).
We have a 4 month old. I am so tired. I pump exclusively which is a chore in itself. I keep track of the baby’s milestones, rotate out her too small clothes, print out pictures for her baby book. I make sure she does her tummy time.
My partner just exists. Head empty. What would he do if I weren’t here to do these things? Would the house be a mess, would she not be able to hold her head up, would she be shoved into too small clothes?
This evening I gave the baby a bath at 7, put her to bed, washed her bottles and prepped for tomorrow, then sat down to pump (an hour behind on and about to leak btw) and she starts crying so I ask my partner to go check on her. After I’m done I go in to check. He is asleep on the bed with her next to him. I’m infuriated. We do not cosleep due to the dangers. The weaponized incompetence kills me. I understand we are tired, but I have not ONCE fallen asleep in an unsafe sleep position with her. I know when I’m dangerously close to falling asleep and will do things to either wake myself up or put her back in her bassinet.
I’d love to parent like my partner, sit back and magically have everything that needs to be done be done. Not have to think.
submitted by Ok-Common5451 to Mommit [link] [comments]
I’m so tired of being the ‘default parent’, the ‘household manager’. I plan the meals, I buy the groceries, I cook the meals, I most often clean up from them. I make the doctors appointments, I keep track of things to do and not be forgotten. I water the plants, pull the weeds, keep the house looking nice, clean the bathrooms, pick up the toys, sweep the floors. I do our babies laundry and my own (I got my own hamper bc I was tired of doing my partners laundry, his is currently overflowing).
We have a 4 month old. I am so tired. I pump exclusively which is a chore in itself. I keep track of the baby’s milestones, rotate out her too small clothes, print out pictures for her baby book. I make sure she does her tummy time.
My partner just exists. Head empty. What would he do if I weren’t here to do these things? Would the house be a mess, would she not be able to hold her head up, would she be shoved into too small clothes?
This evening I gave the baby a bath at 7, put her to bed, washed her bottles and prepped for tomorrow, then sat down to pump (an hour behind on and about to leak btw) and she starts crying so I ask my partner to go check on her. After I’m done I go in to check. He is asleep on the bed with her next to him. I’m infuriated. We do not cosleep due to the dangers. The weaponized incompetence kills me. I understand we are tired, but I have not ONCE fallen asleep in an unsafe sleep position with her. I know when I’m dangerously close to falling asleep and will do things to either wake myself up or put her back in her bassinet.
I’d love to parent like my partner, sit back and magically have everything that needs to be done be done. Not have to think.
2024.06.09 04:51 Ok-Common5451 I parent on ‘hard’ mode so he can parent on ‘easy’ mode
I’m so tired of being the ‘default parent’, the ‘household manager’. I plan the meals, I buy the groceries, I cook the meals, I most often clean up from them. I make the doctors appointments, I keep track of things to do and not be forgotten. I water the plants, pull the weeds, keep the house looking nice, clean the bathrooms, pick up the toys, sweep the floors. I do our babies laundry and my own (I got my own hamper bc I was tired of doing my partners laundry, his is currently overflowing).
We have a 4 month old. I am so tired. I pump exclusively which is a chore in itself. I keep track of the baby’s milestones, rotate out her too small clothes, print out pictures for her baby book. I make sure she does her tummy time.
My partner just exists. Head empty. What would he do if I weren’t here to do these things? Would the house be a mess, would she not be able to hold her head up, would she be shoved into too small clothes?
This evening I gave the baby a bath at 7, put her to bed, washed her bottles and prepped for tomorrow, then sat down to pump (an hour behind on and about to leak btw) and she starts crying so I ask my partner to go check on her. After I’m done I go in to check. He is asleep on the bed with her next to him. I’m infuriated. We do not cosleep due to the dangers. The weaponized incompetence kills me. I understand we are tired, but I have not ONCE fallen asleep in an unsafe sleep position with her. I know when I’m dangerously close to falling asleep and will do things to either wake myself up or put her back in her bassinet.
I’d love to parent like my partner, sit back and magically have everything that needs to be done be done. Not have to think.
submitted by Ok-Common5451 to beyondthebump [link] [comments]
We have a 4 month old. I am so tired. I pump exclusively which is a chore in itself. I keep track of the baby’s milestones, rotate out her too small clothes, print out pictures for her baby book. I make sure she does her tummy time.
My partner just exists. Head empty. What would he do if I weren’t here to do these things? Would the house be a mess, would she not be able to hold her head up, would she be shoved into too small clothes?
This evening I gave the baby a bath at 7, put her to bed, washed her bottles and prepped for tomorrow, then sat down to pump (an hour behind on and about to leak btw) and she starts crying so I ask my partner to go check on her. After I’m done I go in to check. He is asleep on the bed with her next to him. I’m infuriated. We do not cosleep due to the dangers. The weaponized incompetence kills me. I understand we are tired, but I have not ONCE fallen asleep in an unsafe sleep position with her. I know when I’m dangerously close to falling asleep and will do things to either wake myself up or put her back in her bassinet.
I’d love to parent like my partner, sit back and magically have everything that needs to be done be done. Not have to think.
2024.06.09 04:36 a_oxxo_a Salvation's Edge Secret Puzzle?? [possible red border?]
So apparently there's this secret room with a monolith and 3 different resonances before 1st encounter.
I have a theory about this, and it might lead somewhere. [just needs more testing]
I was guessing maybe this was the red border puzzle for the raid, and we were looking for an order for the red border, so far we noticed something in the beginning, in a room full of ads with shapes at the wall.
As we reset the raid, one specific column would change every time, this is the 3rd column from the left, and the reading should be from bottom to top (image a, image b). Every other column stays the same, and doesn't change, no matter how many resets were done.
https://imgur.com/O0xXFxL : In this first picture, we read the 3rd column from bottom to top, CSCSC
https://imgur.com/8NZl4r6 : on the second picture we read it as, STSTC, again from bottom to top.
We did multiple trials and resets, charging the monolith conductor with the first symbol as read, and it succeeded, the monolith accepted it. We aren't able to test out the 4 other symbols yet as we cannot do the first encounter with the 3 of us in contest mode, but we'll be testing out the rest once we do a run after day 1. We aren't sure either if there will be a monolith in between all encounters, but in my theory, since there's 5 symbols when reading, if a monolith to bank a resonance exists in between all encounters, that would be a total of 5 symbols to bank, as it follows: [1]before 1st enc, [2]mid 1st and 2nd enc, [3]mid 2nd and 3rd enc, [4]mid 3rd and 4th enc, [5]mid 4th and 5th enc = 5 monoliths/symbols = possible red border
Here's a picture of our 5th trial with the theory, banking the first symbol as read from bottom to top, and it got accepted: https://imgur.com/s0VNWEl [the reading of the 3rd column from bottom to top was TSCTC [triangle, square, circle, triangle, circle] [the monolith should close, like in the picture and not stay open if the resonance banked is correct]
We'll be testing this theory out on our full run after contest mode, so I'll try to update if i can afterwards if it's actually correct or not.
submitted by a_oxxo_a to raidsecrets [link] [comments]
I have a theory about this, and it might lead somewhere. [just needs more testing]
I was guessing maybe this was the red border puzzle for the raid, and we were looking for an order for the red border, so far we noticed something in the beginning, in a room full of ads with shapes at the wall.
As we reset the raid, one specific column would change every time, this is the 3rd column from the left, and the reading should be from bottom to top (image a, image b). Every other column stays the same, and doesn't change, no matter how many resets were done.
https://imgur.com/O0xXFxL : In this first picture, we read the 3rd column from bottom to top, CSCSC
https://imgur.com/8NZl4r6 : on the second picture we read it as, STSTC, again from bottom to top.
We did multiple trials and resets, charging the monolith conductor with the first symbol as read, and it succeeded, the monolith accepted it. We aren't able to test out the 4 other symbols yet as we cannot do the first encounter with the 3 of us in contest mode, but we'll be testing out the rest once we do a run after day 1. We aren't sure either if there will be a monolith in between all encounters, but in my theory, since there's 5 symbols when reading, if a monolith to bank a resonance exists in between all encounters, that would be a total of 5 symbols to bank, as it follows: [1]before 1st enc, [2]mid 1st and 2nd enc, [3]mid 2nd and 3rd enc, [4]mid 3rd and 4th enc, [5]mid 4th and 5th enc = 5 monoliths/symbols = possible red border
Here's a picture of our 5th trial with the theory, banking the first symbol as read from bottom to top, and it got accepted: https://imgur.com/s0VNWEl [the reading of the 3rd column from bottom to top was TSCTC [triangle, square, circle, triangle, circle] [the monolith should close, like in the picture and not stay open if the resonance banked is correct]
We'll be testing this theory out on our full run after contest mode, so I'll try to update if i can afterwards if it's actually correct or not.
2024.06.09 04:33 Actual-Switch1676 Saint of the Day series!
Saint of the Day series!
I'm thrilled to introduce you to the latest installment in our journey of faith: the Saint of the Day series! 📿✨In this brand-new series, we'll dive deep into the lives of remarkable saints, exploring their teachings, virtues, and timeless wisdom. Today marks the inaugural post, and I'm bursting with excitement to share it with you all.
But before we delve into the saintly wisdom, let's take a moment to reflect on the beauty of God's presence in our lives. Have you ever felt like an instrument in His divine orchestra? Like a harp finely tuned to His will, or a flute filled with His Spirit? It's a profound sensation, isn't it?
💫 Reflecting on "The Harp of the Spirit"
The words of Saint Ephraem, often referred to as "the Harp of the Spirit," offer a glimpse into this divine harmony. His poetry paints a vivid picture of our souls as instruments, crafted by God's loving hands to sing His praises. Just as the strings of a harp vibrate with the touch of a plectrum, our lives resonate with His presence, His love, and His peace.
🍞🍷 The Bread and Wine of Jesus
In our daily struggles and triumphs, we find solace in the symbolism of the bread and wine, transformed into the body and blood of Christ. Like a sacred melody, this sacramental grace infuses our lives with meaning and purpose, turning our struggles into songs of gratitude and praise.
🌺 Becoming Instruments of Grace
As homeschooling parents, we have the incredible privilege of nurturing our children's hearts and minds, shaping them into instruments of God's grace. Through prayer, education, and example, we guide them as they discover their unique melodies in the symphony of life.
🎶 Embracing the Rhythm of Life
Life as a homeschooling family is a beautiful melody, filled with laughter, learning, and love. Together, we dance to the rhythm of God's grace, knowing that He is the ultimate conductor of our lives.
So, my dear friends, I invite you to join me on this journey of faith and discovery. Let's explore the lives of the saints, reflect on the beauty of God's presence in our lives, and embrace the melody of His love. Together, we'll create harmonies of faith that resonate with the heavens above.
2024.06.09 04:30 imthedrama1 30 [F4M] South Carolina or USA - You left the light on when I had a broken heart
PLEASEEE be over your ex before messaging me.
PLEASE be 28 or older. Do not send pointless messages saying "Good luck" or "I wish I were single". Do not message me if you're taken.
Facts about moi:
* I work with smol humans for a living.
* You don't have to WANT kids of your own. But, if you don't like kids...you're not for me.
* One of my favorite past-time activities is trying to put together legos high.
* Listening to music high is also an experience (I do Delta since that’s what’s legal. If you’re anti-weed, then we aren’t a match. I don’t do it allll the time. I’m too broke for that life).
* Seriously, doesn't music sound different when you're high?
* Green Day used to be one of my favorite bands. I started listening to them when I wad ten.
* The obsession was real. My ten-year-old self had a binder about the members with all the facts and pictures of Billie (Yes, I was a weird child). I don´t listen to them much anymore. That was practice for my obsession with Panic! at the Disco. I only like one album, though.
* Now my obsession is more towards bands like AVOID, Dayseeker, The Used, etc. I'll listen to the same songs over and over until I can't stand it. I even have a Playlist for that. I recently found a band called Dark Devine, and I dig them.
* I love going to concerts. So, it'd be cool if you liked them too.
* I love love love traveling.
* Please don’t be a giant grouch on vacations. Coworkers complain about their spouse being a shitbird on trips. No thanks.
* I also like staying in, of course! But I’m not a homebody. I struggled during the COVID shutdown. Being cooped up SUCKED. I do not want to beg you to get out of the house. Again, I am NOT a homebody. If you are, we are not a match.
* I have a spicy brain.
* I’m super duper ADHD. Fun times! I’m also like an anxious puppy. Woop woop.
* The most organized thing in my life is this list
* The Office and Parks and Rec are two of my favorite shows. I also like Bob’s Burgers and Avatar The Last Airbender.
* I don't watch a whole lot of TV, honestly...my ADHD brain enjoys the short videos on Tiktok.
* I talk to myself out loud in public.
* I promise I'm only a little crazy...depends on who you ask.
* I like things like tarot (NO I cannot do a card reading for you. I don't know how, I just think it's cool!My friend does readings for me) and other spiritual stuff. If you're into that too, cool!
* I like men with facial hair. I also like men who are more alt-y (think piercings and tattoos...singer of Dark Divine)....but that isn't a requirement! It's just bonus points.
* We can listen to emo bands together whenever you want
* Emo music can mean many things and I’m OK with that.
* You won’t get food poisoning from my cooking
* I can make more than Hamburger Helper and frozen pizzas. Though, the ranch burger hamburger helper is my fave.
* The velveeta skillets are better, though.
* I’m suuuper short. So, if you’re insecure about your height, I gotchu. I’ll make you feel tall..or taller!
* I don’t care about height and it makes me sad that people feel insecure about something they can’t change.
* I’m a great small spoon…but I guess if you REALLY insist, I can be a jetpack. Buuuuutttt it isn't my first choice...but please don't cuddle all night. I want my space and I need to sprawl out and become a blanket burrito...with one leg out because otherwise, I'll get too hot! We just can't have that.
submitted by imthedrama1 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
PLEASE be 28 or older. Do not send pointless messages saying "Good luck" or "I wish I were single". Do not message me if you're taken.
Facts about moi:
* I work with smol humans for a living.
* You don't have to WANT kids of your own. But, if you don't like kids...you're not for me.
* One of my favorite past-time activities is trying to put together legos high.
* Listening to music high is also an experience (I do Delta since that’s what’s legal. If you’re anti-weed, then we aren’t a match. I don’t do it allll the time. I’m too broke for that life).
* Seriously, doesn't music sound different when you're high?
* Green Day used to be one of my favorite bands. I started listening to them when I wad ten.
* The obsession was real. My ten-year-old self had a binder about the members with all the facts and pictures of Billie (Yes, I was a weird child). I don´t listen to them much anymore. That was practice for my obsession with Panic! at the Disco. I only like one album, though.
* Now my obsession is more towards bands like AVOID, Dayseeker, The Used, etc. I'll listen to the same songs over and over until I can't stand it. I even have a Playlist for that. I recently found a band called Dark Devine, and I dig them.
* I love going to concerts. So, it'd be cool if you liked them too.
* I love love love traveling.
* Please don’t be a giant grouch on vacations. Coworkers complain about their spouse being a shitbird on trips. No thanks.
* I also like staying in, of course! But I’m not a homebody. I struggled during the COVID shutdown. Being cooped up SUCKED. I do not want to beg you to get out of the house. Again, I am NOT a homebody. If you are, we are not a match.
* I have a spicy brain.
* I’m super duper ADHD. Fun times! I’m also like an anxious puppy. Woop woop.
* The most organized thing in my life is this list
* The Office and Parks and Rec are two of my favorite shows. I also like Bob’s Burgers and Avatar The Last Airbender.
* I don't watch a whole lot of TV, honestly...my ADHD brain enjoys the short videos on Tiktok.
* I talk to myself out loud in public.
* I promise I'm only a little crazy...depends on who you ask.
* I like things like tarot (NO I cannot do a card reading for you. I don't know how, I just think it's cool!My friend does readings for me) and other spiritual stuff. If you're into that too, cool!
* I like men with facial hair. I also like men who are more alt-y (think piercings and tattoos...singer of Dark Divine)....but that isn't a requirement! It's just bonus points.
- I prefer men who can lead in the relationship
* We can listen to emo bands together whenever you want
* Emo music can mean many things and I’m OK with that.
* You won’t get food poisoning from my cooking
* I can make more than Hamburger Helper and frozen pizzas. Though, the ranch burger hamburger helper is my fave.
* The velveeta skillets are better, though.
* I’m suuuper short. So, if you’re insecure about your height, I gotchu. I’ll make you feel tall..or taller!
* I don’t care about height and it makes me sad that people feel insecure about something they can’t change.
* I’m a great small spoon…but I guess if you REALLY insist, I can be a jetpack. Buuuuutttt it isn't my first choice...but please don't cuddle all night. I want my space and I need to sprawl out and become a blanket burrito...with one leg out because otherwise, I'll get too hot! We just can't have that.
2024.06.09 04:09 Silly_Translator_262 Dichotomy between Stay Here and Finally, Peace (lyrically)
I was listening through swans and when I got to finally peace I remember that for a while it was thought that it was going to be the last swans album. Finally, Peace the last song and Stay Here the first (out of a Swans album).
Lyrically Stay Here is commanding and violent
Be strong Be hard Resist temptation Stick your hand in your eye
The way it is structures is like you are being commanded or listening to people being commanded by a tyrannical dictator.
Gira is giving orders with tyranny.
On the other hand Finally, Peace is questioning and angelic
With glittering hands, on collapsible land We're praising the sun for the damage he's done A ruinous eyesore, oh, what is a mind for? (Eyesore, mind for) Just a knife in a lake, just an arrow in space All creation is hollow and a picture's a shadow (hollow, shadow) Just a symptom of love with a lack of a cause Now, the city's dissolving and Heaven's inhaling (dissolving, dissolving) While the ocean is thinking of a surface reflecting
The questions are now being asked while you “witness”. But you hear no answer and eventually a narrative of the end of… something. The way I see it a symbolic showing of the end of all things.
And the whole time you hear another voice occasionally echoing words until we get the most divine sound I’ve ever heard in music.
Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind
With your glory is mine being echoed behind by the voice as you hear Gira’s voice make what sounds like attempts to cling onto his voice as the second voice repeats.
Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine
And eventually the composition of the song starts to blip out and the last thing you hear is a a few more piano notes before silence.
Gira resigns to something beyond him and finds peace.
I’m really tired as I write this up but I thought it was cool.
submitted by Silly_Translator_262 to swans [link] [comments]
Lyrically Stay Here is commanding and violent
Be strong Be hard Resist temptation Stick your hand in your eye
The way it is structures is like you are being commanded or listening to people being commanded by a tyrannical dictator.
Gira is giving orders with tyranny.
On the other hand Finally, Peace is questioning and angelic
With glittering hands, on collapsible land We're praising the sun for the damage he's done A ruinous eyesore, oh, what is a mind for? (Eyesore, mind for) Just a knife in a lake, just an arrow in space All creation is hollow and a picture's a shadow (hollow, shadow) Just a symptom of love with a lack of a cause Now, the city's dissolving and Heaven's inhaling (dissolving, dissolving) While the ocean is thinking of a surface reflecting
The questions are now being asked while you “witness”. But you hear no answer and eventually a narrative of the end of… something. The way I see it a symbolic showing of the end of all things.
And the whole time you hear another voice occasionally echoing words until we get the most divine sound I’ve ever heard in music.
Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind Your glorious mind, your glorious mind
With your glory is mine being echoed behind by the voice as you hear Gira’s voice make what sounds like attempts to cling onto his voice as the second voice repeats.
Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine Mine, mine
And eventually the composition of the song starts to blip out and the last thing you hear is a a few more piano notes before silence.
Gira resigns to something beyond him and finds peace.
I’m really tired as I write this up but I thought it was cool.