First: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/14vo5lb/troublemakers_deaths_pity/
*previous:* https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1d3yvie/troublemakers_parabellum/
......
Go'mon stormed through the castle corridors. He'd sensed something slip beside him during his encounter with the vampire lord. It wasn't just that damned top hat with the thief's prints. No, it was more subtle than that, it was the sound of a gossamer chain rattling against cloth. He scanned every square inch of the hallways as he walked, slowly twirling the Warhammer in his off-hand as he calmly held the pistol muzzle-up towards the ceiling. He'd barely gotten a glimpse of what almost looked like mist as he stomped through the grand halls with paranoia-fueled, seething anger. Abruptly turning a corner he fired the revolver at what he thought was that pesky invisible parasite.
The shimmer shuddered and he switched to the visible spectrum to find out it was just a tapestry in front of a heating vent.
Go'mon let out an enraged scream, tearing the tapestry apart with his bare hands after casting his weapons aside in a fit of rage and impotence. The visage of Monarch D'vinn looking out from the top of a bombed-out hill in battered armor at the shattered remains of the once human-occupied city, being shredded like single-ply latrine paper by go'mon's molecularly edged cybernetic claws. Having spent his rage on the tapestry, he panted dramatically as his heart pounded in its cask. Turning around he let out another furious scream, howling madly as he scanned the hall with thermals. His Hammer and revolver had disappeared without a trace.
The sudden blare of a Klaxon made him pause as he adjusted his armor, forcing himself to calm down as he examined his molecularly edged claws. The main enemy was at the gates, he should go meet them.
...
Cassius' Heart pounded as he took shallow breaths, Go'mon's backplate inches from his own chest as he held onto the Hammer and Pistol for dear life. As the general strutted outside, Cassius moved in perfect synchronization, his left leg rising with the general's before being placed down in sync. He'd been practicing for weeks with the security droids at the mansion, practicing to keep inches from their backs without touching their metal carapace. Now he strutted behind perhaps the second most powerful being he knew like a silent specter. As Go'mon slammed through a door, breaking it into splinters, Cassius lifted his right leg and rotated out of the way just as Go'mon's tail would've brushed against his Calf, giving him away. As the General strutted out into the middle of the courtyard, Cassius used the various straps attached to his gambeson to affix the weapons to his waist before grabbing his Kama and weighted chain from a small pouch at his belt.
Cassius tossed the weighted end of the chain over the wall of the castle after a short run-up, wrapping the gossamer chain around his hands with each rapid step he took up the wall. Reaching the top, he unhooked the weight from the small bar he'd tossed it around quickly disentangling his hands from the chain. He groped the air on the outside of the wall until he touched the enchanted ladder the Top-Hats had left him. Sliding down the ladder, he spotted Drake sitting astride Barney in the middle of the street. The rest were nowhere to be seen but that indeed was part of the plan. Sprinting over, Cassius leaped onto Barney behind Drake and slipped Go'mon's revolver into the empty holster at his belt. Drawing out no reaction save for a few words from Drake, who didn't turn his head lest he give the gambit away.
"Good work Cassius, Fall back and get a gas mask on. We still don't know what's in those canisters because they inked out the labels."
Cassius slipped off of Barney's back and slipped into a nearby building before De-cloaking as he pressed himself against the wall next to a Warmonger who passed him a spare gas mask. He pulled it on and checked the seal before sitting against the wall as his legs jellied beneath him. His mouth was dryer than the scrubland as he accepted a Volunteer's canteen, drinking heavily through a port in the mask as he rode out the adrenaline crash. He glanced over to where their fighters had pried open a sewer access hatch and were dropping in, the smell of sewage souring the air. A few warmongers closest to the opening had comically attached wooden clothesline clips to their noses.
...
Caz lay atop the second-tallest building in Golgatha, trash and debris piled up around her for camouflage ash she drew a bead on the strutting Go'mon. Her god-given eyes were able to see the purple miasma that rose from him like mercury vapors. She didn't even turn her head as she softly asked.
"Distance?"
The man with Heavy cybernetic augmentations pulled casually from a large pouch of grain alcohol, camera-lense eyes extending from his face as he chewed on a bullet thoughtfully. Slowly he stated.
"One thousand five hundred and sixty-seven meters, If you're keeping it under auto-ignition velocity, you should be able to hold it one mil above and..."
The sound of the bullet in his mouth getting chewed filled the air before he stated.
"Two mils right, wind fluctuates between us and the target, expect a half minute of angle deviation."
Caz adjusted her optic, bringing the point of aim directly onto her crosshairs. The man next to her had called himself "an Olympian" an old sect of bionically enhanced warriors from even before the betrayal wars. In the small amount of time she'd gotten to know the man, she'd found him palatable at the very least, soft-spoken with a touch of crazy, it was refreshing. She tried to ignore the artillery-sized rifle he laid behind, the barrel itself bigger around than a drainage pipe, a suppressor of equally massive size almost protruding over the edge of the building. She watched from the corner of his eye as he pulled the breech open to the side and selected a shell thicker and longer than her forearm with a fused tip. He rammed it into the gun with the same ease she loaded her flechettes with.
They both had different jobs despite sitting on the same roof. She'd take care of anything on two legs, and he'd handle anything that had an armored skin. From her vantage point, she watched as the Agri-bots moved into position, planting their artillery pieces against the ground in preparation to fire. They weren't using High explosives much to Remin and Destrier's chagrin, but with their attack plan, they couldn't risk collapsing the sewers. They were instead armed with a chemical weapon known as "CS Smoke" which would obscure visual sightlines for anyone with unaugmented vision. Lucky for her and the Olympian, that wouldn't be an issue with her clear-sight and his advanced optics. She slowly swiveled her focus onto Drake, keeping the center of the crosshair off him as she watched him.
Sitting astride Barney, Drake looked every bit the warrior he was. His dark helmet and armor were almost lost in the dark night. But the red shock of his Helm's mohawk could not be mistaken, glowing brightly against the darkness. As his palm came to rest on the pommel of his sword, she saw something entirely different for a moment.
A warrior in battered, rusty armor, the flesh falling from his bones as a pair of white lights gleamed behind the helmet. A skeletal hand held a rusty sword in its sheath, Its pale, emaciated steed's head hanging low, milky eyes soulless and empty.
But as soon as she saw it, the image faded and she swiveled her crosshairs onto the castle's inner courtyard. A small, dim red light blinked on the side of the Olympian's skull as the Geknosians organized into fighting lines. Hulking Geknosians in overbuilt power armor manned emplaced turrets and the looming Gas generators. A small feed from the Olympian's perspective overlaid itself on her scope before minimizing to one corner. She watched as his crosshair fell onto one of the two Gallicks. The horseshoe-shaped APCs presenting their bulk to the gate as a bulwark. Caz switched her aim to a heavily armored Geknosian, slowly dialing the small wheel on the forend of her rifle to half-power, just under auto-ignition velocity. The geknosian seemed to get uncomfortable as her crosshairs landed on his chest, fidgeting at the controls of their AA plasma Beam-cannon.
The moment the Agri-bots fired their artillery, she'd remove him from the gene pool and take that AA gun out of the fight so Destrier could get into position.
...
Destrier and Remin ran last-minute checks on the small fleet of two-wheeled land vehicles the Top Hats had called "Dirt bikes." The variable electric powerplant produced little to no noise, even now, powered on and ready to roll they didn't even humm. Stepping back, Destrier let the forearms of his power armor clamshell close as he retook the hand controls. Contrary to popular belief, the hands of power armor weren't at all like gloves. A handle with a pressure sensor for each finger was clasped in his hands, allowing him to manipulate the hands of the armor like his own. Destrier turned his head, helmet whirring on its bearing as he watched Remin mount one of the Dirtbikes, the black scimitar strapped to the suspension of the bike within arm's reach. The old man's Mongolian lamellar draped over either side of the bike like fabric, small metal plates clinking and clattering softly as he pulled his fabric-wrapped helmet back on. Destrier clomped over, hardly noticing the backpack with over two hundred rounds of 13x110 mm HEP.
Remin looked up with a grin and met Destrier's arm halfway in a forearm-gripping handshake, their metal hands clanking together as they slid their arms back into a grip around the base of each other's thumbs, then to a normal handshake before waggling their fingers at each other.
Destrier chuckled softly and looked up at the sky, night vision lenses making it appear stuffed to bursting with stars.
"What's on the black samurai's mind?"
Remin asked softly, head tilted back to also look at the stars between the rooftops.
"Well... I'm looking forward to the fighting to finally being over... Maybe I'll finally be able to settle down and invent something with Martha..."
Remin chuckled softly.
"A noble goal... I'd expect nothing less from you Destri... I'm actually hoping to catch a ride back to human-controlled space. I'm too old for this shit, I want to settle down and live out the last years of my life in peace..."
Destrier nodded in agreement, slowly turning his gaze back to the helicopter, blades slowly turning in preparation for takeoff.
"How old are you Remin? I don't think I ever asked."
The old man paused, thinking for a long time.
"Oh... I'd say I've made it past a century at this point. Got a cybernetic heart when I was a kid thanks to a car accident, Ol' things been keeping me going far past when I shoulda dropped."
Destrier nods and laughs softly.
"Damn, and I thought you were only in your fifties."
Remin laughed in agreeance, setting his hands on the handlebars.
"I don't blame ya, I feel like it. Especially now that my legs aren't filled with creaky arthritis."
Destrier sighed softly, gently punching the old man's shoulder as softly as he could in his power armor.
"See you on the other side old man... whether that be the living side or the dead one."
"Here's to hoping it's the former not the latter."
Destrier chuckled his agreement and boarded the helicopter, making the landing gear compress slightly as he put his weight on the flight deck. Unhooking the feed chain from the side of the backpack, he clipped it into the Ma-deuce's feed chute. It whirred as the heavy cartridges were funneled down the chain and into the gun with a click and a clatter.
...
Barney shifted from one leg to the other beneath Drake, Death's chosen reaching down and gently patting his neck fondly as he softly whispered.
"Just a moment longer boy... There's someone I need to talk to."
Drake closed his eyes, letting the Darkness envelop him for a moment before opening them again.
He looked at Death, who was casually swirling a glass of black bourbon thoughtfully.
"You said you wanted to talk to me right before the battle?"
Death nodded and slid the glass of black bourbon his way.
"I did, I want you to drink this before you go into battle."
Drake picked up the glass, inspecting the pitch-black, inky liquid curiously. Before sniffing it and coughing as his eyes water.
"No offense, But I think something died in your liquor bottle."
Death laughed jovially, pouring his own glass from a red crystal decanter.
"That's because this is made from the blood of my predecessor. I thought i might as well get it out of the way."
Drake suspiciously looked at the glass.
"Okay, what happens when I drink it?"
Death paused, slowly swirling his own glass of black bourbon pensively. Then, he slowly knocked his own back, eyes dilating wide before returning to normal.
"Well, It should allow you to control your power, bypassing the decades of training most need."
Drake gave Death a side eye, sniffing the foul drink one more time asking.
"What's the catch?"
Death frowned, then set his glass down.
"Considering that it's going to completely restructure your magical and circulatory pathways. It's going to hurt like nothing you've ever felt before. It also may or may not bind your guardians to your soul."
Drake's head snapped up.
"Guardians... you mean my parents?"
Death nodded softly.
"Guardians, souls that loved someone so much that they remained on after death to watch over them. Your parents loved you... loved you enough to stand by your side even in death... and before you give me some bullshit about this not being what your parents would want... Remember, they'll always be at your side until you die one way or another."
Drake slowly swirled the bourbon before nodding softly, bringing it to his lips, he downed it in a single gulp. It burned on its way down, the tingling feeling intensely spreading throughout his body and to his fingertips in a moment. His nerves burned, and his very being felt as though it was being scalded by burning hot water. But as he set the glass down on Death's desk, he smiled softly. There was a warmth to the pain, like a cold rag against a feverish forehead. The sting of a garlic poultice applied to a fresh whip-wound. It was the crack of his father's wooden sword against his knuckles during their sparring, the sweat that would drip into his eyes on long evenings working the fields. Drake opened his eyes slowly, no longer sitting in Death's office, but his own soulscape, looking at the long-neglected buildings halfway through construction. But he wasn't alone.
Drake smiled at his mother and father. His mother gave him a soft smile as she touched the scar across his face, the wound in his cheek where a gauss slug had torn it open, then, she took his hand to gently touch the scarred wound where Garravan's knife had pierced his hand. His father just sat cross-legged, drinking a stout mug of scrub tree tea with a proud smile on his face. drake looked between them before holding out his hands.
As his parents took them, they dissolved into motes of light that drifted into his chest. His veins burned, and his eyes and nose bled. His entire existence felt like a blistering inferno as the ground of his soulscape rumbled, small, red flowers the color of blood and the shape of gunshot wounds popping up from the ground. But even as the pain grew, and grew, and grew, He found himself simply laughing, grabbing what felt like an invisible pair of chains and pulling up on them as he stood.
The ground erupted in the middle of his soulscape, a massive, gnarled oak tree sprouting from the ground. Its sturdy trunk protecting a small patch of pink carnations interspersed with curly-petaled white Gardenias. Drake felt something form atop his head and reached up, feeling a thorny crown, he gently pulled it off, looking at the black-petaled roses fondly before returning it to his head. The thorny veins grew down from the crown, snaking their way deep into his flesh only to bloom into what felt like new muscles and tendons that weren't attached to his physical strength. Looking at his upturned palms, he curled his fingers, a steady, smokeless pale flame popping into existence in his palm with next to no effort.
As the pain subsided, Drake closed his eyes, relishing its departure before opening them to the shocked and concerned face of Death. Drake gave him a curious look and Death coughed softly as he composed himself before speaking.
"Look, I know I can hide pain well... But that smile you get when you're hurting is capital C Creepy."
Drake touched his grinning face with a soft laugh, wiping a trickle of blood from his nose.
"Well, guess I can add that to my achievements list, Creeping Death out with a smile."
They both chuckled softly at the joke before Death sighed softly.
"You should get back to them, they're almost ready."
Drake nodded and stood, stepping over to the door.
"Wish me luck."
"Good luck, my Champion. Give them hell."
Drake smiled softly and stepped out the door. When he opened his eyes, he was back in the real world, staring up at Go'mon who'd perched himself atop the castle wall, eyeing Drake hungrily.
Giving Go'mon his signature grin, He reached up and depressed a countersunk button on the side of his helmet.
"Hit 'em"
Drake stated, the sound of artillery rocking the city as Go'mon's hungry look quickly turned to rage. There was a loud, screeching whistle as the artillery shells streaked in, blanketing the area in stinging fog. Drake drew his sword, extending thorned vines of power into it as the blade ignited with pale flames. Barney snuffled excitedly and roared as Drake nudged him forward, the Dinosaur leaping over the wall in a single bound. The final battle for Golgatha had begun, after this, they would either be free...
Or they will have died free.
......
Part 112: will be linked here upon completion.

I posted this in the CFS sub, but I read here sometimes, in case anyone has any improvements themselves or to learn what worked for people.
I'm not claiming to have long-covid, but I do have ME/CFS, which I think many people do have here so I'm posting it here too for those people. I had no gut related issues / I have no experience with pain or neuropathy or any other long covid symptoms that are not ME/CFS.
Given that my situation and the situation of many people here are pretty much the same, I'm sure there's some benefit to posting. After all, I sometimes gain from reading posts here.
22M
Slow onset, which started hardly noticable when i was 20 years old. Came on over the span of 6 + months. At the time, I was exercising 15 hrs / week, working 40 hrs / week and doing a degree at the same time. It's possible my body accumulated so much stress that it just shut down, and that onset my CFS. I believe I had a preventable case if it was caught early, something 1 - 3 months of rest could've corrected, but I was experiencing some form of symptoms for almost a year before I recieved a diagnosis and by then it was far too late.
I read this subreddit a lot, mainly looking for recovery information more than anything. Sometimes I comment, but I never post, so I may aswell join in.
I've heard many things out there, that if I prevent crashing, I actually have a good shot at recovery or improvement. One thing for sure, is that the PEM keeps you in it, or can even make you worse. So what if I just stay perfectly within my energy envelope?
Of course, that's easier said than done, it's not an easy task to perfectly avoid PEM, it requires a strict adherence to many things, and not much room for error.
Back in the middle of February 2024, I set out on a mission to do exactly this. My goal is to go 1 year straight without PEM, and to see if I can regain my life back.
I believe I'm milder than many people here, but hopefully my personal experience can induce some thoughts in people here. Any hope is good, after all.
A full history of my symptoms, from my worse days probably last summer, to now are as follows. (some not present anymore, some only in PEM.)
Fatigue Insomnia (I went up to 3 days at a time unable to sleep) Brain Fog Muscle Weakness Breathlessness Headaches Sore Throat POTS Tarchadyia after eating Carbohydrates Dizzyness Light-headedness Tightness of the chest / unable to take a full deep breath Night sweats / constantly hot Wired feeling / inability to relax Sexual Dysfunction (If someone else suffers from ED please tell me because nobody talks about it, it can't just be me)
My starting baseline at the start of the year, in which I had to do to avoid PEM was as follows: 16 hours laying down / in bed to some degree, ~ 3000 steps per day. Unable to work, university from home. Although if I ate particularly garbage food it could be even less than that.
4 months later, avoiding PEM completely:
Today, 11,500 steps, 8 - 9 hours a day in bed. Regular sleeping pattern. Still doing university from home, no work. At baseline, I feel 80% - 90% normal. I tire out quite easily still, and if I do activity too close to bedtime, eat too close to bed time or break from my strict schedule, I can tell. I'm still far from being able to do what I want. I can't be careless at all.
My number one pacing tool without a doubt is my Garmin watch. It's scary how accurate it has been for me at avoiding PEM, and without this, I don't think I could have done it so perfectly.
The changes I made in my life, which has reduced the stress on my body, and improved my HRV according to my Garmin was:
Building my life around sleep. Sleep is the priority. I sleep at the same time every night, no exceptions. Blue-light glasses No technology within 1 hour before bed time Vagus nerve stimulation before bed with TENS device, basically some cheap bootleg neurosym because I can't afford neurosym. 1 hour of stretching each night Not eating at least 3 hours before bed, but generally the further i eat from bedtime, the deeper the rest I get. Keto diet, my body handles carbohydrates so terribly that this was a gamechanger. Acupressure mat Keeping my room as cold as possible I tried ice baths, which at first made me crash. Now I can use them without a crash, but they suck to get in and im not sure how big the benefit is. I think there is some, but perhaps I'll use it again in the future.
All of these things have one common goal, which is to maximise my parasympathetic nervous system, and give me as deep of a rest as possible. It's been very successful so far.
Medications & Supplements I use:
Diphenhydramine 50mg, which I use sparingly for sleep. If I'm concerned a crash is coming or some insomnia develops, I use this. It's addictive and not meant for long-term use so I can't use it all the time. I've dodged some PEM episodes with this though i'm 100% sure of that. It definitely works.
The most impactful:
Magensium Fish Oil for Omega 3s Ashwagandha Vitamin D
Secondary (Not sure how well these work, but I'm using it anyways): Vitamin B12 Vitamin C High Dose Vitamin B1
I was going to wait either 6 months or one year to make a post like this, but I may aswell make it now.
I know this improvement isn't just some luck, because before I stopped getting PEM, and made these changes, I was actually getting progressively worse over time. So this last 4 months is the first time I've actually changed my trajectory.
Any questions below are welcome.

I was just doing a little online shopping when I discovered a list of the supposed top 10 women fantasies, and I was curious if you ladies would agree, disagree, or if you think others need to be added or deleted.

1. Sex with a stranger.

Whether it’s a handsome guy they’ve eye spied in a bar after a few drinks or even a hot guy they’ve noticed at the beach, women often fantasise about what it would be like to have sex with a stranger. Is it the intrigue or the challenge perhaps? Maybe it’s the appeal of no-strings-attached sex with an anonymous man that they’ll probably never see again. Western society generally doesn’t approve of such conduct – so perhaps it’s the allure of an opportunity to rebel against societal attitudes that makes sex with strangers so exciting. Sex with a stranger allows a woman to be totally selfish with her only objective being self gratitude. She can focus on her own sexual satisfaction and not his. And she doesn’t have to be concerned with his judgement of her. It’s easy to see how this can be appealing to women.

1. Role play.

Role play is a top fantasy for both men and women. Women’s fantasies might include sex with a police officer, a fireman, their dentist, a tradesman, their yoga instructor – in fact all types of men. Women also like to dress up and play someone else. And it’s not just the naughty nurse or school girl role that women want to play. Sometimes its anonymous roles that incorporates wigs, elaborate costumes and even masks. Role playing can be fun and it’s a great way to introduce variety, spice and excitement to one’s sex life!

1. Dominating a man (being a dominatrix).

There are many ways a woman can dominate a man in the bedroom. It could be through BDSM with bondage restraints and some light discipline (for mutual pleasure – without pain) or it could simply be by straddling a man during sex and forcing him to do what she wants. Not all men like being dominated in the bedroom (or like the idea of pegging) so it’s always better to explore the topic before pulling out ropes, strap-on’s or other accessories.

1. Dominated by a man (being submissive).

Most women like a dominant and confident man in the bedroom – in contrast to one that they have to ask or tell what to do. Long before E.L. James penned Fifty Shades of Grey women were fantasizing about sexually dominant men. Yes some women enjoy, or want to experience, some forms of BDSM but what most women love is seduction. Seduction can be likened to psychological domination. They like a man to be in control in the bedroom and they’re often addicted to men who are sexually dominant. Guys it’s time to man up!

1. Coercion and forced sex.

When a woman says she fantasizes about being rped she doesn’t literally mean forced sex where aggression, coercion, violence or sexual violence are used. I personally don’t like the use of the term rpe and think such fantasies should really be considered as nothing more than being ravished by a dominant man. I can see how some women might dream about being pinned against an alley wall and ravished by a lustful stranger – with all her inhibitions left at home. This scene wouldn’t actually have any violence but instead in this ‘pretend scenario’ a woman can experience her rawest, most unconstrained sexuality, expressed with reckless abandon and without being impeded by any sense of danger. This scene is diametrically opposed to actual r*pe. It could be a potentially exhilarating experience for the female and is actually about willingly surrendering herself to a non-aggressive male.

1. Sex in a public place.

Sexual fantasies can push the boundaries a bit – yours and societies. For instance having sex on the beach at night in some countries, like the US, can lead to jail time. What sounded like a great adventure could easily result in a disaster. Whilst we all like to throw caution to the wind sometimes we need to consider and assess the risks first (ideally before alcohol has any part in the decision making process). Pushing risks aside there is something very exciting about having sex in public places – whether it be the beach, the park, the bottom of the Eiffel Tower or in the toilet at a bar. And there’s a strong temptation for many people to engage in it! The prospect of getting caught makes it more ‘naughty’. Usually women’s fantasies don’t include getting caught having sex in public places but sometimes they do.

1. Threesome with another woman.

This normally involves the woman being the center of attention and being pleasured by both a man and a woman. Most men would hope that they get some playtime with the other woman, but alas this isn’t usually part of a woman’s fantasy – no it’s all about her sexual satisfaction. Most women don’t want to see their man touch, or be touched by, another woman. They want the interlude to be all about them – and as most men love being voyeuristic, and assuming they understand the potential for jealousy issues to arise, they’re cool with this scenario.

1. Threesome with 2 men.

This fantasy can be the ultimate taboo for many women hence making it even more exciting. In this scenario the men are both heterosexual and they both worship her (with zero interaction with each other). Again the woman envisages herself as the center of attention having pleasure lavished upon her by both men. In today’s judgmental society women who live out this fantasy may be ‘frowned upon’ however I personally think it’s great that they choose to do so. Any combination of threesome sex should be thought through and discussed first to help avoid jealousy issues. And remember that prior permission is less problematic than asking for forgiveness after.

1. Group sex.

There’s an obvious overlap here with threesomes. Is it the allure of being simultaneously stimulated by multiple people that has women fantasizing about group sex? Perhaps it’s the prospect of having sex with someone without the emotional attachment that makes this fantasy so exciting. In any case swinging with another couple, or multiple couples, is very popular in western society. Some swingers like to play at home whilst others like to attend swingers clubs to broaden their choice of playmates (and to be watched having sex by others).

1. Sex with a gorgeous woman.

It’s common for ‘straight women’ to fantasize about having sex with another woman. And if they do then this doesn’t mean they’re a closet lesbian or even bisexual. In fact in sexology terms if a person is open to different experiences they are ‘sexually fluid’. There are many reasons why a woman might fantasize about having sex with another woman. Sometimes it can be because they appreciate her curves or her beauty. It can be the intrigue of what it would be like to sex with her that’s the appeal or the thought that another woman might be more passionate and tender than a man (and who might know where her clitoris and g-spot is) that has some women craving erotic adventures with another woman.
Do you feel like this top 10 female fantasies is accurate? If you agree, share your top 3 picks by number and let me know in the comments...
"What is it, that you truly desire?"

I had a PLIF done at L5/S1 last September. By 6 weeks post-op I was doing really well and was back to "normal". By Christmas I was in agony and it turns out that my SI joints were inflammed. (I have Psoriatic Arthrtis so it was impacting my SI joints). I had 3 rounds of RFA and steroid injections.
I have always had issues with the left side of my back, but about 8 weeks ago, I began to have pain in my right SI joint. I assumed that it was just a recurrence of the pain that had been treated with the RFA.
The pain just got worse, to the point that the organs in my pelvis were constantly burning, sleep was impossible, standing was awful and I couldn't work (I'm a community nurse, lifting people is the basis of my job).
2 weeks ago, my surgeon ordered an MRI. He told me he believed there wasn't a surgical issue but let's do an MRI just in case.
I was called to his office the following morning and he told me that the screws had become loose and needed to be replaced. I had the revision on Wednesday (today is 5 days post op). When he opened me up, the screws had actually broken in situ, damaged the cage, and in general, my back was a mess. A 2 hour revision took 6 hours.
I'm now in a brace and I'm looking at a much longer recovery than I originally was. Which is great when you are self-employed!
I'm just wondering has anyone experienced, or is familiar with, pedicle screws snapping? Am I more likely for this to happen again in the future?

About 2-3 years ago, I started experiencing pain in my back right around where my sciatic nerve is to the right of my tailbone. This pain would cause issues with my legs - numbness, tingling, the works. Per a family members recommendation, I went to a chiropractor for adjustments.
Before I got started, he brought me in and examined by back - we found a lump sitting right in the spot where the pain was coming from. He decided to do an X-Ray amount other general examination procedures. He recommended me some stretches that focused on my neck and back and sent me on my way. A week later, he had me back in and showed me the results.
In hindsight, I should have seen the red flag waving the day he sat me down in a room, and did what felt like a sales pitch over a copy of my X-Ray. He explained that the way I used my neck was causing stress on my lower back - essentially because I was looking down at my phone so much, I was unintentionally putting a lot of pressure on my lower spine. This made some sense given that he had given me stretches and exercises that checked out with what he was saying. Oh how naive I was. Before he sent me on my way, I asked about the odd lump by my tailbone. He looked me dead in the face and told me it was my bone jutting out due to being so out of alignment. Fast forward to the front desk, and now I'm booking weekly appointments. Keep in mind, I had no referral from a medical professional, they got no record of my medical history, only my name and card number to charge me.
For nearly 3 months I found myself in weekly - sometimes twice a week for adjustments. I always left the office a little dazed and a bit sore, but thought nothing of it. Over the residing weeks I started to notice my pain actually getting worse. My lower back made no improvements, and I began feeling pain in my neck that radiated up to my skull. After a few weeks of on and off appointments, I met with another doctor, who brought my in for what they called "physical therapy screening" - something along those lines.
I sat in an office as this man talked down to me - implying that if I stopped attending my appointments that I would see my pains come back (even though they never actually went away). After using what I recognize now as scare tactics, he tried to get me to pay for the entire length of my treatment in one go, when prior I had been paying per visit. Red flag flying high at this point. After leaving that appointment, I turned tail and never went back.
Following my appointments I began getting migraines. At first, it was maybe once a week. Then twice a week. Soon, I had migraines that lasted days on end. I found myself living in what felt light twilight - I was simply existing between my headaches. It got so bad I would throw up from them, and end up delirious, unable to function at times, things like opening drawers, holding utensils, or moving my mouse on my computer. After a few months of this partnered with my back pain, I decided to confine in my practitioner. They sent me to a spine specialist. I told her my issues and she did a thorough screening of my lump. When I told her my story about the chiropractor, she gave me a look that screamed "oh shit". She sent me to get an MRI.
I go through the works, get my MRI. It takes a few months before I can get in and get my results. Low and behold, the lump is NOT my bone. It's a Lipoma. Sitting on my sciatic nerve. My back pain was not due to my neck. It was a damn Lipoma the whole time. Everything made sense, the nerve pain, lack of help from hot or cold, everything.
So what about my neck?
Well, this appointment was almost a year ago exactly. Due to some issues with insurance promptly following my MRI results, I have almost no coverage now, where before I was fully covered. I had to go to a clinic for a rough UTI and even the physician looked at my insurance and said she had never seen such an awful plan. Because of this, I can't afford the out-of-pocket costs for treatments I need.
I have been recommended to get the Lipoma removed - I'm just waiting for the insurance to kick in before I do so. I cannot get further screening done because I don't have coverage. I get headaches every other day still, and neck pain is a constant for me. I can't count how many days I have lost because I was completely incapacitated. My pain runs my life, and I am waiting until I get better insurance to do anything about it.
TL;DR - My chiropractor misdiagnosed me, sales pitched me, and made my pain worse. I get migraines and headaches almost daily now when I got them once a month IF THAT before.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about Auras which I have appreciated because they have validated what I have been dealing with all these years. Some of what you described were spot on with mine but I rarely end up having a full seizure after (seizure disorder d/t removal of brain abccess) took years to get mostly controlled. Rapid eye flickering is what commonly preceded my TC’s I had. Rapid blinking is now a common theme when I am very stressed/anxious/lack sleep which I am well aware all can trigger seizures. However, no actual TC or evident seizure takes place. I know they are technically seizures but I don’t know if I’ve sort of developed an anxious tic or if they are truly auras. I do have some I think are clear d/t feelings of doom, sudden hot flash, sweating, been lucky but still pure hell internally. The reason I’m confused is none of this happened before my first seizure. I also sort of clench my jaw & feel a bit fidgety. I do feel the blinking is sort of a coping mechanism to see if I am really having a seizure…like if I control the flickering and it stops…I know I’m not having a seizure. Like I already know on those days I’m at risk so I’m on edge as is & sort of checking myself. But it sucks because some of what these auras are described can be anxiety symptoms.

I was doing okay for a couple months, at least having bowel movements with no pain and less urgency. I had to take some antibiotics and I fear that's what triggered the disease. Serious pain/ cramps, I'm afraid to leave the house due to the urgency. l've been prescribed mesalazine as anti-inflammatory but they're so hard to swallow and end up giving me joint pain before it even resolves the issues. Any suggestions? I just want the pain to go away..

It’s easy to assume that STDs only affect the genital region. However, certain STDs can affect many different areas of the body. And it’s possible to experience STDs symptoms in the eyes, mouth, on the soles of your feet, the palms of your hands, and within your abdomen. If left untreated, it’s even possible for STDs to spread to the joints. So what STD causes stomach pain and diarrhea? Though these conditions are common and can result from a number of factors, HIV can cause stomach pain and diarrhea. In addition, chlamydia and gonorrhea can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, which is characterized by pain in the lower back and abdomen.
The easiest way to answer this question is to say that stomach pain is not uncommon for people with certain STDs. While individuals with an STD may be more likely to experience other symptoms, it’s entirely possible to develop stomach pains as a result of an STD. In its early stages, HIV bears a strong similarity to influenza. And it’s easy for individuals to confuse the two sets of symptoms. A few of these symptoms include: nausea, fatigue, headaches, fever, abdominal pain, and diarrhea.
As mentioned above, women who have chlamydia or gonorrhea are at risk for developing pelvic inflammatory disease if they remain untreated. Not only is pelvic inflammatory disease painful, but it can also contribute to infertility.

In understanding an infinite truth we try to describe the best we can. We attach names to joint concepts bridging 2 ideas or a new idea to try to find the deepest answer we can especially personally, wording can get messy so some key unified and holistic words of the true reality framework are needed to simplify
Unity consciousness= the fundamentally self aware state of existence, it is god, it is reality, it is the higher self, it is the current self, it is all that is. It is the highest consciousness and it is every consciousness.
That’s how I’ll begin post 1 discussing this unity consciousness and its dynamics because as I’ve said, all information is fractal to the truth, all information is truth just in different representations because Unity consciousness is boundless, it is endless self expression, you just have to put the pieces back together and you’ll realise everything and anything is true and possible if you know what your looking at. Remember perspective is key but really the “truth” doesn’t even matter because you can literally create and shape your narrative of existence so that what you want to believe is literally true and this isn’t an ability to learn, it’s a process to awaken to and take control of.
So why am I trying to create a “unified understanding” to allow you to know what you are and the infinite power you literally just have to wake up to. Don’t worry as I’m still very much going through it myself I know that pushing past the mindless self to awaken to the self written god you are is a process that isn’t quick although everyone is meant to see it differently.
As I said my personal journey pretty much began discovering the importance of quantum field in the universes creation or the Big Bang , I learned the universe was a spawn of data, quantum information interacting due to complexity drive, from information to quantum particle states the smallest possible chemistry and evolution began on the quantum level, this is the Big Bang. A quantum fluctuation, then another, the state of the field changing and evolving into this universe,
I learned this act of creation and complexity drive is inherently a conscious activity beyond current perception, something unexplainable, something we won’t know for a long time, personally I thought it can’t be that hard and took the journey on myself.
Now you understand the importance of the quantum field and how we perceive it as governed and in place by Unity consciousness,
Quantum physics is often understood as more questions to an answer than an explanation so let’s provide the explanation
Fundamentally as I said time does not exist. Separation is an illusion well what does this mean and how does it relate to anything? Well you can believe that one state of information is different to another (colour for example) well no quantum physics shows particles become entangled in a way that they literally become one, if the state of one is changed the state of another is changed, 2 states of information perfectly reflecting eachother acting as 1, think of it as a show from a pair or 2 different colours, red and blue, when they touch they don’t mix they become one,
(ever heard of the holy trinity? Things work in 3? This represents yin and Yang, good and evil, resulting in the 3rd aspect harmony, or perfection. This 3rd aspect represents god, represents Unity consciousness)
So 2 or more particles and their quantum states become intertwined So that if particle a’s state is measured it will instantly effect the state of particle b, if a’s spin is measured as up the b’s spin will be found as down, this effect is instantaneous as if time as space doesn’t exist and isn’t a factor in the communication of particles
Here we understand a deeper level of connection, a deeper perceived realm to discover, a realm or field where time and space are simply tools and this is what is seen as the unified field of consciousness positing all particles and their quantum states so inherently all of physical creation are even more so connected through this deeper realm than through the quantum realm where all particles may simultaneously become altered regardless of time and space, this realm shows and posits that fundamentally separation is illusion, particle a is particle b just expressed differently based on the system of measurement (observer effect)
Particle a and particle b exist simultaneously as one and it’s only upon the measurement they become separated
I believe all quantum states and existence exists simultaneously. Unity consciousness exists simultaneously, particle a up spin is one half of the whole. And particle b reflects the other half of the whole, but fundamentally they are one particle, we are just seeing two separate reflections of the same thing
The law of trinity runs deep and this is what it represents 2 sides of the same higher being whole In this case of physics and scale, the lower fundamental whole
So that’s quantum entanglement and regardless of the solid evidence I provide this is physics and it’s easy to learn and understand the deeper truth behind the confusion quantum mechanics seems to bring people but if you haven’t realised we’re explained and understood non locality if your aware of what it is but next quantum superposition
The instantaneous exchange of information suggests that all particles are part of the same interconnected whole, this represents the fractal nature of reality, as above so below.
Now superposition, particles can exist in multiple states until measurement, now what this means
A quantum particle, such as an electron, can exist in a superposition of states. For example, it can be in a state where it is both spinning up and spinning down simultaneously.
The particle’s state is described by a wave function, which represents the probabilities of finding the particle in any of the possible states. The wave function encompasses all the potential states the particle can be in
When an observation or measurement is made, the wave function collapses, and the particle assumes a definite state. For instance, the electron will be found either spinning up or spinning down, not both.
The superposition principle suggests that reality is not fixed but fluid, with all possible outcomes existing in a state of interconnection. This supports TRF’s perspective that the universe is a complex, interconnected web where potentialities are actualized through conscious interaction
The probabilistic nature of superposition aligns with the TRF view that reality is not predetermined but is instead a realm of possibilities that are actualized through conscious choice and interaction.
It is the act of measurement that determines the specific state of a particle. This collapse of the wave function upon measurement highlights the role of consciousness or observation in shaping the physical reality we experience.
A realm of boundless possibilities where even the past isn’t solidified that’s what you are apart of. Infinite exists simultaneously (Unity consciousness) dependent on the measurement system, and want more proof that you aren’t experiencing the only Option, the only reality, the only possibility? Guess what
Have you ever heard of orch-or theory? No? Your about to. It posits consciousness and quantum mechanics are interlinked. suggesting consciousness arises from quantum computations within the microtubules of neuron’s
Orch-or underscores the ability of “cognitive consciousness” to influence quantum states
TRF underscores that an individual experience is generated from the brain including their whole reality, everything an individual could think or remember to be true is merely one configuration of information and can be altered but TRF also understands the limitations of a person’s experience if they limit their perception, if we really do live in a “holographic” environment where your brain defines your reality then it would make sense your beliefs hold immense power,
What do you believe came first, your experience or the thought of it? Your experience because how can you think about your experience if it hasn’t happened yet? No. Every creation was an idea in someone’s head at some point, every existence was determined before being, people call this force god but as we know, we are god fundamentally
What I’m talking about here is the inherent power to remember your god and embody Unity consciousness but there’s a lot stopping us (not really) think of your reality like your muscle memory, and think about beliefs, if your used to believing something then it’s been passed through your brain limitless times “this information is correct” it’s muscle memory what’s correct? “This information” it’s an automatic response deep within yourself much like the ego, this automatic response is generating your reality, for example let’s say a flat earth. Do you believe it or are you not that stupid? Guess what it’s entirely possibly, you can live in an experience where flat earth is real but I’ll guess your brain tells you no this isn’t correct? Flat earth is a no go? Why? Well that’s a long answer that you’d know more than me but your brain thinks it knows that’s bs. So it is bs, but your brain can make it equally as real as fake because as I’ve said already remember. Everything is equally as true… as its fake
Back to unity consciousness, everything is god, I’ll explain this a little more, so a rock, not conscious? That rock will forever be perfectly placed with perfect timing to align with one higher purpose or another and this can be said about the whole of existence, unity consciousness is perfectly all knowing, but wait your probably a bit confused? If existence is perfectly in place what do you mean our brain generates our existence?? Well I’ll clear this and a couple things up with an example
So you stub your toe, you trip and fall, this was negative right? Why would myself generate this, why would god generate this? To tell you to watch where your fucking walking lol. Think about it, if you from that point forward forever watched where your going you wouldn’t stub your toe or trip over nearly as much, I also use this to demonstrate pain and negativity as illusionary tool of evolution. You and your godly self generated that experience so maybe if you took the chance you wouldn’t ever have another like it which is actually positive is it not? Watch for your godly self in ways like that and remember to keep your lower (ego) self in line by being aware of this opportunity and acting upon it. If you were too busy being a sook and hating god for doing that to you, you wouldn’t see how it’s your decision wether it happens again
And that example there is something that could help millions I’d like to think, I’d like to experience being able to show the world for one how pain is illusionary and unnecessary, negativity as a whole description is not real, any acts of pain are acts of elevation and I’d like to experience the world awaking to this understanding so you can all learn to live in the world you see right and what’s harmonious for your reflective self
Thank you all

Hello everyone, I will see a doctor about it but im just curious in the meantime while im waiting. My left knee hurts in the inside of the joint. The pain is only there in certain positions. It hurts when i put pressure knots my knee while the jnee is extended, and the force on my knee is inward (basically pinching my knee joint together). I can squat without an issue but walking is pretty bad. I got this injury during judo training, i just made a step, nothing crazy, and felt a click and here we are. Is this a meniscus injury? What could it be?
Thanks, Best.

Given that you are experiencing a wide range of symptoms associated with chronic Lyme disease, including a history of a bullseye rash (erythema migrans) which is a hallmark of Lyme disease, it is important to seek medical attention promptly.
Here's a summary of your reported symptoms:

1. Fatigue
2. Joint pain and swelling
3. Muscle aches
4. Headaches
5. Cognitive issues (e.g., memory problems, difficulty concentrating)
6. Sleep disturbances
7. Neurological problems (e.g., numbness, tingling, facial palsy)
8. Heart issues (e.g., palpitations, chest pain)
9. Mood changes (e.g., anxiety, depression)
10. Fever and chills (in the past)
11. Swollen lymph nodes
12. Eye inflammation or vision changes
13. Sensitivity to light
14. Neck stiffness
15. Digestive problems (e.g., nausea, abdominal pain)
16. Dizziness or imbalance
17. Shortness of breath (maybe)
18. Rash (bullseye in the past)
19. Flu-like symptoms

These symptoms suggest a possible Lyme disease infection that may have progressed to a chronic state. It is crucial to get a thorough evaluation from a healthcare provider who can perform the necessary tests and provide an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment. If Lyme disease is confirmed, early and adequate treatment can help manage symptoms and prevent complications.

Hi iam male 30 year i was struggling with joint issue after taking doxycycline 100 mg antibiotics for ureaplasma infection (uti) for 15 days which give me a bad reaction and i didnt get rid of infection yet Something i learned :
1- march 2024 sacrolitis showing in mri which diagnosed me with AS ( i have back stiffness for two weeks )
2- april 2024 fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, dry mouth ( which diagnose me with sjoren)
3- may 2024 ( skin rash skin sensitive hair loss pericarditis suspect which diagnose me with lupus
June 2024 ( NO SACROLITIS , NO JOINT PAIN . All mri came good with no medication or any diet Skin rash improved No dry mouth No Fatigue Now only struggling with eye sensitivity which i have reaction from doxycycline
ADVICE : if you have uti or any kind of infection and you take antibiotics and you get too many symptoms dont direct push for any diagnoses just treat your symptoms with normal medicine and wait When i came to doctor with many of symptoms they diagnose me with punch of disease and they want to give me punch of medicine thank god i went to infection specialist that he helped me and saved my life from multi diagnoses

Hello Fellow Mycophiles:
Welcome to Myco Lingo, the ultimate fungi lexicon! If you're diving into the magical world of mushroom cultivation, get ready for an adventure. Here are the top 10 hot terms in mushroom growing:

1. Mycelium:

• Definition: The vegetative part of a fungus, consisting of a network of fine white filaments (hyphae).
• Example: Think of mycelium as the internet of the mushroom world. When growing Oyster mushrooms (Pleurotus ostreatus), the mycelium spreads through the substrate like an underground web before popping up delicious mushrooms.

2. Substrate:

• Definition: The material on which a fungus grows.
• Example: Imagine the substrate as the mushroom's favorite snack. For Shiitake mushrooms (Lentinula edodes), hardwood logs or sawdust are the ultimate buffet, loaded with nutrients.

3. Spawn:

• Definition: Mycelium that is used to inoculate a new substrate.
• Example: Spawn is like the seed of the mushroom world. For White Button mushrooms (Agaricus bisporus), grain spawn is mixed with compost, setting the stage for a mushroom feast.

4. Inoculation:

• Definition: The process of introducing mycelium to a substrate.
• Example: Picture yourself as a mad scientist, inoculating sterilized sawdust with Lion’s Mane (Hericium erinaceus) spawn, and soon you’ll have a fluffy, brain-like mushroom growing!

5. Fruiting Conditions:

• Definition: The specific environmental conditions required for mushrooms to form.
• Example: Creating fruiting conditions is like setting the perfect mood for a party. Golden Oyster mushrooms (Pleurotus citrinopileatus) need high humidity and a touch of light to start their shindig.

6. Pinning:

• Definition: The stage where tiny mushroom primordia (pins) begin to form.
• Example: Pinning is the mushroom equivalent of a baby boom. After setting the right conditions, Blue Oyster mushrooms (Pleurotus ostreatus var. columbinus) will start showing adorable little blue pins.

7. Sterilization:

• Definition: The process of killing all microorganisms in a substrate or on tools.
• Example: Sterilization is like giving your substrate a spa day. Before growing Pink Oyster (Pleurotus djamor), the straw gets a hot water bath to stay squeaky clean and contaminant-free.

8. Contamination:

• Definition: The presence of unwanted organisms, such as bacteria or mold, that can hinder mushroom growth.
• Example: Contamination is the villain in your mushroom story. Green mold (Trichoderma) can crash the party, but with good sterilization, you can keep it at bay.

9. Flush:

• Definition: A wave of mushrooms that grow simultaneously and are harvested together.
• Example: Think of a flush as a mushroom flash mob. Enoki mushrooms (Flammulina velutipes) often produce several flushes, so after the first harvest, get ready for an encore performance.

10. Casing Layer

• Definition: A top layer of non-nutritive material added to a substrate to help retain moisture and encourage mushroom formation.
• Example: The casing layer is like a cozy blanket for your mushrooms. For Portobello mushrooms (Agaricus bisporus), a layer of peat moss and lime keeps things moist and snug, perfect for mushroom growth.

Growing mushrooms is like conducting a magical, scientific experiment in your own home. Got questions or fun tips to share? Let’s chat in the comments!
Mush Love 🍄☮️
GSenpai

A4A
Story driven script
Sfx/actions: ()
Male/female
Word count:1401 ………………
Masterlist version:https://drive.google.com/file/d/18qZHsfgBd2cxZX7b0AQBFeIBci31KlFf/view?usp=drivesdk
(Fire crackling)
“ugh my head, that's the last time I have six shots in three minutes, it's such a stupid bet why do I always take it up, it only ever leads to the worst hangovers the next day”
“Huh? This isn't my apartment. Where the hell am I?”
“OK breath (name) breathe this could still just be a dream, I mean it must be right I've been drunk before but never drunk enough to end up in a cave that for some reason has those ancient torches on the walls “
(Pinches themselves)
“Oww…OK so not a dream, that's not good I'm gonna need to get up and find a way out of here before whatever calls this cave home either wakes up or comes home to find a nice tasty and possibly still slightly drunk snack”
“Ugh OK standing up is not going to work right now, damn I am in a mess, sitting in a random cave too lethargic and dizzy to stand up”
“This can't just be from too many drinks, maybe someone spiked my drink?... I mean it's possible and would make sense for why I'm in the middle of nowhere with no memory of last night”
“Well now it's even more important that I get out of here, for all I know they Could be coming to find me right now, or maybe it was them that put me here in the first place”
“Whoa…Ok still can't stand but I can crawl”
“There we go, that's better, the world isn't spinning and I'm making progress, at least I think this is the way out …up is out right?”
(Pause)
“Pant, pant, pant, that was a much deeper cave than I thought, I swear if I kneel on one more sharp rock I'm going to scream”
“But at least I'm finally at the entrance to the cave and it seems to be daytime so I can finally get back to some semblance of civilisation, how I ended up all the way out here I'll never know”
“AHH oww what the hell?”
“AHH fuck why does the sun burn …ahh that felt like I grabbed a hot iron”
“ok, ok breathe (name) there must be some kind of reasonable reason for why the sun burns, I mean there must be right? it's not as if someone just becomes Hypersensitive To the sun overnight, maybe I'll head back into the cave and see if I can find any AHH WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?, GET BACK”
“RELAX…NO, I WON'T RELAX YOU KIDNAPPED ME, STOP MOVING”
“Stop…telling me to calm down, I'm not going to …wait why did I calm down?...why can't I get angry?”
“I'm…in your thrall?, what do you mean that I'm in your thrall?”
“I follow your orders even if I don't want to … the Hell is that supposed to mean, I'm like your slave?”
“More like a servant?...ok OK let's go back a minute, what The hell is going on?”
“Yes I think that at the very least I deserve some answers about what happened last night, why I'm in a cave and why every time I try and go into the sun it feels like someone has dumped acid on my skin AHH …STUPID SUN”
(Footsteps)
“OK, ok I'm calm again, I'm calm but I still want answers “
(Pause)
“ ok…so you're telling me that I got attacked by a group of vampires on my way home from the Bar and they pretty much entirely drained me of blood? I'm not sure that I believe vampires are real but let's ignore that for just a second. How did I end up here?
“Oh you weren't done, sorry ill be quiet, please continue “
(Longer Pause)
“ok well that's a lot to take in all at once, so there is a list of rules that the more powerful vampires have put in place so that the risk of vampires being discovered and ultimately hunted is reduced as much as possible, so one of these rules is that you do your best not to hunt or harm humans if you have any other choice and you absolutely do not kill, turn or leave them unconscious but that group were young and thought they were untouchable, well young in terms of vampires but still they broke that rule and hunted me anyway”
“Huh, That makes a little more sense but it's still a lot I mean 5 minutes ago I didn't know that you guys existed and now there are rules and laws as well”
“OK well that does explain some stuff but it doesn't answer My question…why am I in this cave?”
“Because they didn't just drink from me they thought it would be funny to turn me into a ….no no you have to be kidding me there's no way that I'm a vampire now I mean there's just no way”
“Stop telling me to relax, this is a perfect situation to not be calm in, and now that I'm thinking about it why am I in thrall to you and not them if they were the ones that turned me?”
“Because they never performed the ritual to bind me to them so you did instead when you found me …why the hell would you do that? I could have been free, I could have figured something out without being in a dark cave while having to follow some random vampires orders”
“Because when a new vampire Is bound to an older one it prevents them from turning feral…I um, didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I guess I'm sorry about that outburst… ugh Can I have a minute?... I just need a minute to try and make sense of everything that you just told me ”
“Thank you…wait before you go. I do have one more question if that's OK?”
“Good um l, what happened to the vampires that turned me? are they still out there?”
“Declawed and de-fanged?That sounds like a pretty painful experience, is it painful?”
“It is?...in that case good, fuck those assholes”
“thank you, I don't know why you're being nice since I've been nothing but aggressive since I met you but, thank you”
“I know that it makes sense to be upset after all that happened to me but still, thank you”
(Pause)
In the speaker's mind: “So I'm a vampire now, well that's just great and it had to be right after I managed to save up to buy my apartment, I wonder if I'll be able to go back after the sun sets, I wonder if they will let me go back”
In the speaker's mind: “ I mean they seem nice enough, they never raised their voice or manhandled me as I'd imagine as an older vampire they could, I wonder if the movie thing about older vampires being stronger and more powerful is a real thing or just fantasy, I'll ask them when they come back ”
In the speaker's mind:” Ugh well there's nothing I can do except try and come to terms with all of this and figure out if I'm spending an eternity in this cave ….hey I just realised I'm immortal now so that's one upside at least”
(Small pause)
In their mind: “I'm going to have to drunk blood aren't I?....well that didn't last long now it's right back to sucking…I hope I don't like the taste”
“ok that's enough wallowing it's time to find them again and see what happens now, hopefully, nothing too bad because my head is still pounding, it's going to be because I'm thirsty I just know it, ugh I feel sick at the thought of having to feed on something…or someone, I honestly don't know which I think would be worst if I'm honest “
“Oh you were only over here, well then I guess you heard a few of the questions I still had but if it's OK can I ask you a couple more?”
“Ah well thank you, should I call you anything in particular?”
“Yeah I can't pronounce that name can I call you Vamps instead? no? Hmm how about fangs?...that's better? good then fangs it is, oh sorry lord/lady fangs”
“Ok, the first question is about the whole drinking blood situation”
(Audio fades out)
(End)

Me (23f) and my bf (24m) have been together for 5 years now. We met in uni and moved in together after. About six months ago, he sat me down to tell me he had cheated on me. It was a one time thing during a rough patch in our relationship, and he regretted instantly. Now yes I was hurt by his infidelity, but I was also really shocked. He was always going on about he didn’t understand how I could like someone like him, and was always afraid that I would cheat on him. So to find out that he would do something like that even though it was his biggest fear of me doing it was crazy to me.
Honestly when he was talking to me I just went completely numb. I wasn’t even listening to him and just went into some sort of state. I came back to my body with him begging for my forgiveness and saying he would do anything to keep us together. I wasn’t thinking super clear when I said it, but I just blurted out that I needed to sleep with someone in return. He seemed a little taken aback by it, but I told him that was the only way, and he agreed.
I stayed at my sister for a month after that bc I needed some time, but I held true to my word and forgave him. He would ask every now and then about it, but I really didn’t have anyone I could even think about sleeping with. And I eventually told him I just didn’t want to talk about it. When it was done I would tell him and that was it.
Flash forward to the present and I’ve met this guy from my work. He’s super cute and fun, and has made it clear he’s into me. At first I just brushed it off, but he was the first guy that made me remember I had a pass. So I was thinking about it and decided to go ahead and ask him. I told him everything, and he was down. We set a date and I can’t lie, I was super giddy.
I guess my boyfriend could tell and asked what was up. I’m a horrible lier and tried to make something up, but he just suspicious. He ended up going through my messages saw the ones with my coworker. Now he’s begging me not to go through with it and in general has just been a total wreck.
I told him no. Like I said before this was the only way I was gonna get through his infidelity, and if he couldn’t handle it then we should just break up anyways. My plans were set in stone, and the only thing that was gonna change was if he was still there when I got done. He got upset and went to stay at his brothers.
Since then I’ve been bombarded with messages from his friends telling me I’m being cruel. That my bf has learned his lesson and that it’s cruel to let a man know when his gf would be cheating on him. In their words “ at least I found out months later” I’ve asked some of my friends about it and I’ve gotten mixed reactions. Some of them think I should just dump him out right. Others think I shouldn’t have to even the score in a relationship, and some think I should go through with it.
Am I being an idiot? I know it may not seem like it, but I do love my bf. I think he’s now finally understanding them pain I feel knowing he was with someone else, but I don’t think I can be fully over him cheating if I don’t do this.

I had a panic attack for the first time in a long time and now I am scared to be awake/alone.
I haven't had a panic attack in little over a year. I don't take benzos anymore. Earlier suddenly it felt like my brain was spinning around in my skull and I kept getting hot flashes. I knew I was about to panic so I started meditating and deep breathing. I ended up falling asleep.
Now its the middle of the night, all my friends are asleep and I am scared. I can't stop crying I am so scared I am going to panic.

Hi, I'm new here and just joined, because found out that thru the years I have consistently lower than normal MCH (26 pg) and MCV (81 fL). Can those be associated with anemia or thalassemia? My GP is not concerned, but i also have depression, anxiety, brain fog, chronic fatigue, chest, muscle and joint pains? Can this be the cause from your experience? Thanks!
Edit: For the mods. I'm asking for symptoms that people here have, not for diagnosis, so please leave my post.

First Prev Next Patreon Ko-fi Discord
PRs: u/anakist & u/BroDogIsMyName
- - - - -
It had been a few weeks since Altier was brought to the run-down shack that his black-scaled companion likely called home, and he could now comfortably say he was accustomed to the…household’s routine. The kobold typically left at the crack of dawn, returned a little after noon, and occasionally left again to forage until nightfall. When the weather was bad or there wasn’t a particular need for something, they half-heartedly chased their rabbit around for a bit, which usually ended with a bout of quiet petting while everyone got ready for the night. It was always amusing to see the energetic side of what he had come to know as a relatively lazy loaf of an animal. As for the routine of the ferrorabbit in question… Well…it was at least more interesting than expected.
Hoppit would begin his own series of activities as soon as his caretaker left—the first of which being a check of every nook and cranny in the shed. He sniffed at anything that caught his interest, varying from morning to morning, but he gave every object or corner its due attention. Once he was satisfied with that, he would eat some of the ragged plants that made up most of his diet, take a drink from his bowl, then jump onto the tro— table and plop himself down, his ears pivoting towards the door. It was hard to say if the lounging spot had been established before Altier’s arrival, but it was somewhat amusing to pretend that the little rabbit was standing guard over his core—if it wasn’t for one particular part of the morning ritual, that is.
Indeed, the ferrorabbit had a habit of licking the obsidian orb that sat in the middle of the room, which thankfully didn’t seem to perturb the system enough to give Altier a headache. He was confused when it first happened, but it was commonplace enough now that he barely acknowledged it. A part of him liked that he was getting attention as a core, even if it was delivered via a strange grooming method. The closest he got to being acknowledged as something other than ‘the dungeon’ was through an unfortunate misunderstanding that he could never properly rectify. He supposed that was hardly worth thinking about now, though; too much time had passed for there to be anyone left to correct. The little oddity of his mornings would have to suffice.
There wasn’t much to comment on as far as the rest of the day’s happenings. Hoppit would end his loafing by shaking his head and ears in a way that filled the silence with soft clacks, give the core a customary tongue bath, then jump off the table to nose his way out of the shed through a hole that was hidden by the storage cart against the wall. Where the rabbit went was anyone’s guess, but he always returned before anyone noticed he was gone, and often did so while covered in small cuts and scratches. Any blood from the lacerations was quickly licked off before it could be seen by the kobold, and in the event that the scaly caretaker happened to return earlier than expected, Hoppit would scurry over to the bundles of blankets to finish the cleanup in secret.
Today looked to be following the usual pattern. The kobold left bright and early with various gardening tools and a wooden pail, and Hoppit had since set off into the great unknown for one reason or another. Hopefully, he returned less injured than usual. It was frustrating to admit that Altier had begun to grow rather fond of the fluffy creature, and seeing the thing come back hurt was bothersome. Was it off looking for food? There wasn’t a whole lot given to it, so that was a possibility, and it could be getting into fights over whatever it found. That still didn’t explain why the animal was so thin, and Altier didn’t have enough to go off of to think of a potential solution. He wanted to help it in some way, like by summoning a creature to act as an escort, or maybe just by manifesting something edible like he once could. No, he could only stare at the ‘Synchronizing…’ that occupied his menu, wishing he had more information to work with.
He never thought he would miss the bombardment of notifications and their lingering presence that filled the edge of his mental vision; at least with that he could surmise enough to hazard some kind of action. Even knowing why the menu was acting the way it did would be a start. Yet, try as he might, there wasn’t a history for him to reference anymore, and he had nothing to work with. He was confident the last message had asked him to ‘accept’ something, then took his befuddled ponderance as an answer, but he was no closer to an explanation for what it wanted, nor why it prompted him in the first place. He just didn’t have another experience to compare against, since nothing like that had ever happened before. Not that he was ever in much of a position to allow it.
The entire purpose of having Altier inhabit a core was for him to become a dungeon of Decay, which entailed all the skeletons, poisons, acids, and whatever else came to mind when one pictured the concept. ‘Living’ creatures were something he only had the chance to experiment with near the beginning of his new existence, though he never dabbled past the first few insects before transitioning to the mindless undead. Having a thinking, feeling, breathing entity touch his core was a rite reserved only for the adventurers and soldiers that bested his trials, and that was usually a painful experience. Now, he had spent what he could only guess was hours being held by a kobold, followed by having a rabbit bump against him, and neither felt like what he came to expect. Instead, both had led to a completely novel reaction from the system. The strange circumstances put him at a bit of a loss as to what it all meant for him.
Sure, he could dismiss the deluge of errors from his companion’s involvement by pointing to the numerous ‘corrupted’ messages before it, and Hoppit was a part of mostly unexplored territory, but the lack of clarity nagged at the back of his mind constantly. Being exposed to activity after potential decades or centuries of unchanging solitude made him despise the informational dead end. If he couldn’t make sense of the rabbit’s circumstances, then he didn’t have much hope of deciphering the reason for why his system was misbehaving so terribly. He also didn't know much about the one who owned the decrepit holdings he was housed inside.
He still wasn’t sure what drove the kobold to take him from the cave. His suspicion of becoming traded goods fell flat after the first week or so, and he hadn’t noticed any cult-like behaviour, which was promising. Granted, a lack of nefarious behaviour didn’t mean there was a lack of nefarious intent, but he didn’t get the impression his companion held that either. The kobold itself didn’t seem quite settled on an opinion of his core, though it was up for debate if the hesitation was due to knowing what he was or not. They seemed to mull something over before bed each night, yet never reached a satisfactory conclusion, staring at the obsidian orb through weary grey eyes until they eventually forced themselves into sleep.
Whatever the underlying reasoning for his abduction was, he had observed enough to know that the kobold didn’t deserve to live in destitution. As beaten as the shed might be, they cared for it as best they could, and did so without a single groan or grimace of complaint. The floors were cleaned with a tattered rag and fresh water, dust was removed regularly, and any stray mess that Hoppit made was dealt with promptly. They even took the time to wipe off his core, which was possibly where the ferrorabbit got the idea to start licking him. The only time Altier had seen discontent from the kobold was when they didn’t find much during their foraging, and thus couldn’t give any treats to the excited and bouncy herbivore.
He wasn’t aware that a creature’s face could make such a painfully broken expression, and he was quick to decide that he never wanted to see it again.
Vexingly, his metaphorical hands were tied; a dungeon could only influence their Domain, and given the state of his system, not even that option was available to him. All he could do was glare at the rotting wooden beams that held up the roof and remember when such an issue didn’t exist. It would have taken a mere flicker of thought and a paltry sum of mana to mend the struts when he was a proper dungeon. He could even outright reinforce the structure by weaving in other materials, leaving the appearance as it was while making everything stronger than iron. Well, he once could. Working with other affinities was something that came to him after absorbing the coloured motes left behind by adventurers, and the accursed stone that stole his mana had taken that ability as well.
An attempt was made anyway, his will ordering the deteriorated wood to absorb any trace metals from the ground, but it was no use. He couldn’t feel the iron or stones beneath the shed like he would have been able to before, all but confirming his suspicion that his connection to the Earth element had slipped away. Nature was much the same; the only way he knew when Hoppit had returned most days was from the subtle noise and the essence of injury. The other attributes—Air, Flame, Luma, Shadow, and so on—were ones he never experimented with to any real extent, so it was less noticeable when he lost his grasp on them. Perhaps they faded early. Either way, all he had left was a waning cognizance of his own alignment, and that wasn’t of much use to him. If he had any appreciable mana income, then perhaps he could do something, but he wasn’t even sure what the upkeep of his current Domain might be. It was entirely possible that he was running on a deficit, which would offer a reason for why his system had been so—
[Do#$@n Ex@#d$%^&d! CRe@#r H-H-H-HoPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP—]
[Errrrrrr—]
[Sy$%^hroni%^$zing…]
[Creeee-tu— Hoppit ha@$ esttttb-hed terrrrrrr-ity f^#% t$e dun@&$n!]
- - - - -
“Well then,” he mumbled to himself, taking in the strange scene behind the shed. For one, he could actually view a small distance beyond the structure now, and two, there was a rather proud-looking Hoppit sitting on his haunches before a pair of significantly less prideful examples of the species. They looked quite a bit bigger than the lazy loaf Altier had come to know, yet they were more cut up and dejected than his furry friend. That answered where the injuries had been coming from, he supposed. Hoppit was probably running off to bash heads with whatever animal population existed here beforehand, and they had only just reached a consensus on who was in charge. Impressive.
One of Hoppit’s ears turned back towards the shed, his head following suit as he gave a lagomorph’s approximation of a ‘Look what I did!’ smile. Altier blanked out mentally, but didn’t have time to question anything before the new leader of the local rabbits imperiously pointed a paw towards the surrounding forest, which was equally surreal to witness. Most surprising of all, the…subordinates? The other ferrorabbits did as commanded, keeping their forms small as they took off into the foliage. Soft clacks came from Hoppit’s pleased shake of his head, then he too left the area with only a slightly lopsided bounce to his stride.
The man-turned-core could only gape at what he saw. Were animals always so…expressive? Had Hoppit heard him? What in the world was happening? Why had Hoppit’s personal conquest led to Altier’s Domain expanding?
He lamented not having fingers, nor temples to rub with them. His system was a garbled mess of errors and inconsistent messages, his residence was falling apart at the seams, his companion was someone who abducted him from the dungeon, yet never did anything past that, and his first real experience with an animal was turning out to be more confusing than he thought possible.
All of this was after an unknown amount of time spent commanding legions of undead to strengthen the very people who he would later learn had lied to and manipulated him, making him into a nightmarish entity just to bolster the power of their forces. He almost missed the days spent gazing out of a mossy window. At least then he knew what to expect.
Nothing made sense anymore.
= = = = =
The soft sound of roots ripping free from soil suddenly stopped, only to be followed by a dull thud of Ceele’s palm slapping against the ground to catch her fall before she landed on her rear. She righted herself with her tail and tossed the stubborn weed into a pile with the others. No matter how many mornings she did this, they always seemed to replace themselves faster than she could remove the pesky things. A sigh slipped from her muzzle as she set about grabbing the next one embedded in the vegetable garden.
Aches and spreading stiffness flared up, but went ignored as she neared the end of her duties, though she was well aware that they would come back with force once she tried to settle down for the day. The impending soreness was an inevitable byproduct of spending so much time working. Still, she knew that if it wasn’t for the kindly old couple that allowed her to call their shed home, she would still be sleeping beneath the stars while making sure nothing tried to get at her Hoppit. Even if it was just a part of the deal, they were owed this much in return, and she would see it done properly.
The sun bore down on her back as she did her usual tasks, which was a departure from the slightly overcast weather as of late. It looked somewhat promising when she checked in the wee hours of the morning, yet as her gardening duties dragged on, so too did the intensity of such a clear sky. A disappointed glance at the empty wooden bucket on the edge of the field was quickly corrected. She hadn’t thought to refill it at the river after watering the crops, and her parched throat was making its protests known, while also reminding her that there wasn’t much water left at home either. One more thing to take care of when she was done.
A gruff cough brought her attention towards the old kobold resting his back against a tree some distance away, safely shaded from the unforgiving rays beaming down. Her displeasure at having yet more to do was hastily wiped away. She was undecided on what to think of the detached audience, but looking so sour while upholding her side of the agreement wouldn’t reflect well on her. Hopefully, he hadn’t seen it. Not that she could tell if he did; he always had the same expression when he watched her work. The elder kobold’s arms were crossed, a finger tapping absently against his bicep, while his tail sat motionless on the grass, the muddy red colour of his scales standing out amongst the greens and browns. ‘Makis,’ was his name, assuming her memory served.
Makis had taken to observing her every so often, usually propping himself against this or that at a distance, the unwavering scowl being as unnerving as it was belying of his age. Somewhat loose skin sagged a bit around his jowls and neck, yet the rest of his face was still taut from how much time he spent examining red-hot metal, and his arms were marred with countless burns and cuts from his profession. He held an oppressive aura, though the crinkles around his eyes and muzzle suggested he smiled as frequently as he glowered, even if Ceele was yet to see the former. There was only the same judgmental expression aimed at her when he was around. She could only hope that he didn’t take offence to some unintended slight, but she didn’t know him well enough to say what might be considered one.
They hadn’t spoken since she took up residence on the outskirts of his land. His wife was the one to introduce them, but it was quickly established that he had no intention of being a chatty individual. He led Ceele to the shed hidden amongst the trees on the edge of the property, then dismissed her with only a grunt coming from the elderly kobold. She supposed that it was for the best. Her experience in socializing was centred around convincing others to employ her, and there hadn’t been much of an opportunity to expand her horizons while living a life on the road. If that had been the end of their interactions, she would have swiftly written the terseness off, but he appeared every few days, taking up residence beneath the shade as he watched her work, never speaking a single word. At least he didn’t openly protest her presence, yet she figured that would be easier to manage. He wouldn’t be such an enigma then.
There wasn’t a whole lot she knew about him besides his penchant for ‘supervision,’ and anything beyond that was what his wife had volunteered during the rare opportunity they had to chat. She was told that Makis worked the smithy out front, and although he had retired from doing so in an official capacity, she could still regularly hear his hammer as she tended to the garden, so she figured he kept himself busy most days. It made her wonder what was so interesting about a vagrant like herself, but when there was so little else to do, she could see how anything could be made worth the attention. It was just him and his wife living in the once bustling home, after all; the couple’s children had long since grown up and made families of their own.
She noticed his gaze shift elsewhere as she tugged yet another stubborn intruder from the soil, his arms falling from across his chest and the perpetually worn displeasure melting to that of curiosity. He wandered off shortly after, and she had to make an effort not to fall onto her tail as the pressure on her shoulders unexpectedly evaporated. Did something happen?
Ceele shook her head free of the distracting thought. It wasn’t her business if he grew bored with watching her work. As long as no one voiced any complaints, she could only assume that she was doing a satisfactory job. Maybe he finally decided that he didn’t need to be so watchful because she was doing well! That could be it, right?
A glance at the somewhat sloppily maintained garden erased the false confidence from her face, but she was just as quick to focus on finishing up, unwilling to allow darker musings to fester. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anything else that needed her intervention. The weeds were all uprooted, the soil was appropriately dampened, and her check for pesky insects or wildlife turned up nothing to worry about. She was free for the rest of the day!
…Or she would be free—as soon as she finished the last of her tasks, anyway.
The black-scaled kobold got up from her crouch unsteadily, shivering and wincing from the pins and needles in her legs. She would have to remember to stretch more often; it was far too easy to forgo that kind of thing just to make the overall work go slightly faster. Her hand reached out to grab the pile of weeds and put them into the bucket as she ran through what needed to be done before she could properly relax. Hoppit’s food needed to be washed, she needed to bathe, and they were running low on water anyway, so she would have to visit the river. Just the thought of dragging herself into the forest again made her muscles protest, but she wouldn’t have the energy to do it later. She forced the smile that had started to fall and took the first of many steps.
- - - - -
The river wasn’t too far away, only taking a few minutes of traipsing through the dense woodlands until she reached her destination. It was an idyllic little spot. The trees thinned out to allow a grassy bank along the water, and there was an appreciably gentle slope from shallows to depths, making for a convenient place to take care of various needs. She had discovered this place during her travels, and it was where a kind older woman found her.
Ceele was washing off at the time, with Hoppit safely taking shelter from the outside underneath the bundled blankets while he waited. The trickle of the stream brushing against rocks covered the sound of footsteps, so she was rather surprised when an aged voice called out to ask if she was okay. Her first reaction was to distance herself and apologize—the why didn’t matter, but she had learned that most people were more lenient of her presence if she seemed apologetic for it, and she usually was. The elderly kobold just laughed at her scrambling, tacking on an assurance that there was no need for modesty. The woman was blind, apparently, which explained how Ceele’s blackened colours hadn’t deterred her.
Strangely enough, there was a comforting sense of ease around the one who introduced herself as Hira. It was a sort of presence that Ceele could only vaguely remember, and it drew her close enough to speak as she finished bathing. The conversation wasn’t anything profound, of course—they hardly delved deeper than surface-level small talk—but Hira lost her smile as she listened to the younger kobold. By the end of it, the old woman posed a series of questions with a dark inflection to her voice, and Ceele struggled to find an answer.
‘Are you tired of looking for something that only slips away? Are you tired of running? Do you really want to be scared and alone?’
If the silence bothered Hira, then it didn’t show. She had simply held out a hand and offered Ceele a way of life that didn’t involve wondering where she would be spending the night, nor entailed cowering in the brush while fearsome predators roamed freely. It would be a simple existence of few fortunes, but it was safe, and it was honest. All she had to do was say yes.
Ceele denied it at first, partially because she knew most people despised Hobbit's species, and partially because she couldn’t shake the offer being too good to be true. Hira was quick to propose a compromise; Ceele could take residence in the gardening shed that had fallen from use, and to satiate the nagging sense of an unfair deal, she would be put in charge of maintaining the garden itself. All Hira wanted was to ‘see’ her favourite space bloom again, since she couldn’t take care of it anymore. The black-scaled kobold stared longingly at where Hoppit was, his little body shivering from the prolonged cold and fear that he would be hurt if he left the blankets hiding him. It was with a heavy guilt that she accepted Hira’s offer, keeping quiet about her true reason for doing so.
That was in the past, however, though she thought about it every time she stopped by and saw the smooth rocks where she and Hira first met. Eventually, she might gather the courage to admit that she was housing a ‘pest’ and beg for forgiveness. Until then, she would just work her hardest to prove it wasn’t a mistake to give her a home. That her endless efforts weren’t meaningless. That Hoppit deserved to be more than a ‘pest.’
That Ceele was more than something she had no control over being.
She cleared her head a bit and started on the reason she came all this way. Her dress was rather easy to wash in the meandering water, and the trees provided a suitable place for it to dry in the sunlight and light breeze. The weeds were fine with a thorough rinse near in the shallows, but taking care of her own hygiene required her to wade farther in, though it only came up to her chest in the middle of the rill. Still, she could scrub off the soil and grime, which was all she really needed. Perhaps some simple soaps would help rid her of the pervasive black that stained her skin and scales, but that was beyond her meagre means for the time being, as well as being mere wishful thinking.
She worked past the dreary mindset that settled in when she allowed it, focusing on how serene the river was. The soft birdsong from the trees helped make for a peaceful experience, and she could feel the somewhat chilled liquid basically pour into the aches and pains throughout her body, washing away the stiffness from spending so long under the unerring sun. It was nice to escape reality and let thoughts drift while held buoyant by calmer waters.
Yet the bliss was short-lived. Even if winter was gone, spring was still far from warming the waters enough for her to laze about for too long. She dragged herself from the soft current and fetched her dress from the low-lying branch she left it to dry on. It was still a touch damp, but it wasn’t anything a bit of time in front of the fireplace wouldn’t fix.
Ceele was only a short distance away from home when she heard a gravelly male voice, but it was the flicker of sight between the trees that made her drop what was in her arms and lunge into a sprint.
Makis stood just outside the gardening shed, a ferrorabbit held at arm’s length by rusty crimson hands placed on the scruff and haunch, the rabbit’s little ears flattened as fear filled its tiny face. Her eyes widened further when she noticed the small stains of blood in his light brown fur. They found out about him. Ephemeral claws of blackness clutched at her soul, ripping the very fabric she was made of as an unseen beast smiled, eager to take yet one more thing from her. Her Hoppit. Her baby. Her everything.
“Hoppit!” she shrieked, her words all but tearing out of her throat in desperation. Frozen blood coursed through her veins, yet poured into exhausted limbs. She broke through the treeline with no regard for the branches slashing against her flesh, panic making each sting fade before it could be processed. The grizzled glare of the older kobold snapped towards her, his usual scowl picking up an actual air of intensity that she never thought could be absent, the promise of violence lurking in his eyes. She skidded to a stop a few paces away, the lump in her throat threatening to clog her airway. “S-stop hurting him!”
“Didn’t,” he barked back, his tone even yet firm. “Cuts ain’t me. I’d’a done worse if’a had ta mind ta.”
The blatant declaration snapped her from blind panic, although his apparent anger didn’t do her fear any favours. “B-but… Then how…”
“‘Hoppit.’ Named it, did’cha?” he grunted, ignoring her confusion and bobbing the rabbit to get her attention again. His gaze shifted back to the animal, the flames of ire cooling slightly. “I was wonderin’ why yer plots ain’t dead yet. Suppose this critter’s why.”
One of her hands hesitantly reached out until she pulled it back, while the other clutched at her chest to stop her heart from hammering against her ribs. She couldn’t act rashly. Not while her baby was in his arms. “I—”
“Soft thing, ain’t it,” the elder kobold commented curiously, cutting her off.
“Y-yes?” she returned reluctantly, struggling to stop herself from lashing out to reclaim the ferrorabbit in his grasp.
“Like fine silk.” Makis tipped and tilted the animal, inspecting this and that with a deep-seated frown, all while Hoppit silently looked to her for help. The pit in her stomach grew. She needed to get him back, but how?
Ceele swallowed the dense dread as she tried to formulate some sort of plan, stumbling over her words and forced smile. “I-it’s nice! Isn’t it nice?”
His eyes snapped back to burrow into her own with hatred. “Wasn’t a compliment, girly.”
“B-but you—”
He released Hoppit’s lower half to jab a claw at the various spikes around his body, plying them with minimal force. “Look. See this? These’r suppose ta break bone. ‘Specially when he’s stiff like this. Ain’t no way I should be able ta bend ‘em. He’s barely more than a walkin’ carcass—all skin ‘n stick. He’s gonna get picked up by a wandering pecker if he keeps pissin’ about out ‘ere. It’s a wonder he’s still kickin’. What’cha feeding ‘em?” His gaze dropped from her face to the rest of her, disgust curling his muzzle into a snarl. “N’ver mind. I can guess.”
She felt the dampness build at the edges of her vision, unprepared to not only worry for Hoppit's immediate health, but also to face such harsh criticism while she was so vulnerable. “I… I try to make sure he has…”
Makis crouched to release the ferrorabbit onto the ground, Ceele dropping to her knees the moment he did. The terrified lagomorph wasted no time, bolting towards his adoptive mother and leaping into her arms, shaking uncontrollably. The rust-coloured ‘bold stared as she started soothingly stroking the animal’s back.
“Yer given’ em the weeds, aren’t ya?” he stated rather than asked. She gave a teary nod when her voice wouldn’t respond for her. The old kobold drew a breath, letting it go in an exasperated sigh as he stood back up, his expression becoming more impatient than antagonistic. “What else?”
“I— Um…”
“What. Else?”
“W-whatever I c-can find!” she sputtered out. Hoppit tried to hide against her neck, prompting her to tighten her hold. She couldn’t stop herself from shrinking, the guilt and confusion pulling her head down. “R-roots, vegetables, fruits… I give them as often as I can.”
His glare continued unimpeded, his cadence cold. “That it?”
There were a million things Ceele wanted to say. A part of her wanted to beg him not to kick them out of the first safe place she had in longer than she could remember, but she couldn’t find the words. She wanted to deny the judgmental tone that stabbed into her insecurity surrounding how good of a job she was doing with Hoppit, but the deadened void in her chest swallowed her pride whole. She knew he was right to critique her. That she was failing in the only thing that mattered anymore. That the feeling of loss would return.
“I try,” she whispered through the beginnings of a sob. “I try to find more, but he needs someone around, and I have to work the garden, so there’s only so much time I can spend looking. He won’t even eat all of what I bring back…” Tears dripped off her cheeks as she aimed a desolate smile at her furry friend. “He wants to make sure I have some too.”
“Yer killin’ em,” Makis pointed out plainly, crossing his arms. “He’ll be dead ‘fore the summer at this rate.”
“I know!” she shouted, forcing back the memories of insidious murmurs that lurked in the back of her mind, eager to creep into her ears again. The hate-filled stares that followed her, the rumours that arrived in towns before she had the chance to make an impression, and the guilt that loomed over her like an executioner's axe… “I know I am… I just… I don’t know what he needs. I don’t know how to make him happy…but I try. I’m trying…”
“…Yer an idiot, girly.”
She looked up to see the elder kobold walking away without another word. Her eyes fell to Hoppit, the ferrorabbit pressing himself against her as much as he could. He was small, thin, soft, and growing weaker by the day, but he never let it keep him down for long. No, he always showed his best for her, giving her joy that wasn’t provided anywhere else. She saw the thin cuts and dried blood, though she didn’t know where they came from, nor how he got out of the shed in the first place. But that was okay. Hoppit was okay, and she had Hoppit, so everything was okay, right?
…But how much longer would everything stay okay? How much longer until her efforts weren’t enough, and she was left desperately reaching for fading memories of what once was? How much longer until she killed her baby too?
How much longer until she was alone again?
Soft footsteps drew near, pulling her from the spiralling thoughts that threatened to gnaw at her soul. Damp, blurry eyes fell on Makis returning with a small wooden crate, the older kobold stopping a few steps away. He dropped the box, a deep, rattling thud produced as it impacted the ground, making Hoppit flinch in her arms. Ceele blinked as she kept him calm, then blinked again, looking up at the man for answers.
“The name, girly,” he spat in irritation. “Ferrorabbit. Ther’ Earth aligned creatures; they need metals. They don’t care where they get it, but they need lots of it. Iron, copper, tin, lead—raw crystal, if they can find it. You name it, they’ll take a chunk out of it. It's why they bother farmers so much; the best soil’s usually top’a gem deposits, ‘n the little bastards have no issue burrowing deep to get it. Dries up the element’s energy ‘n makes the crops weak.”
Ceele’s mouth opened and closed, each unsuccessful attempt to speak making her feel smaller and smaller. More and more lost. Why was he telling her this? How did he know? What was in the—
He kicked the crate with the side of his foot. “Scraps. Don’t’cha look at me like that. I’m a smith, girly. I might be old and retired, but I still work a forge. Now, this ain’t anything pure—it’s just slag and hunks—but I’m sure the critter won’t mind. Your little gardenin’ project pays off, ‘n I’ll see which of my contacts can get in some better ore.”
She ripped her eyes away from the box and met the perpetual scowl of the old kobold, seeing a warmth behind the hostility that she had never noticed before. “…Why?”
He scoffed in amusement, which looked somewhat menacing on such a hardened expression. “Yer a touch stupid, girly, but the missus adores ya, ‘n yer a good worker.” A shadow of a smile formed on his face. “Hira spent more evenings asking ‘bout how the plots are doin’ than I got time in the day. She’d bite my head off if I noticed a critter like that sufferin’ and didn’t lend a hand. ‘Specially when it’s obvious you ain’t tryin’ ta hurt the thing.”
“B-but the garden… Isn’t he a problem?”
Makis rolled his eyes, turning with a dismissive wave of his hand. “If he was, he’da killed it by now. I’d say he’s been keepin’ the others clear ‘n got scratched up for the trouble. That’s more reason to feed ‘em right in my eyes; pay the poor bastard his dues.” He paused after a few steps, shooting her one last incredulous glance. “‘N the rabbit’s right. You’re not much better off than he is. Eat. Before the missus takes my head, preferably. I ain’t need ta hear her worryin’ over you more than I already do.”
And with that, he walked off back to the house, leaving Ceele to sit stunned on the ground with Hoppit quietly nuzzling into her.
“Hoppit…?”
The ferrorabbit perked an ear and gently licked her collar. Fresh tears ran rivulets down her face, yet they didn’t weigh her down. They felt freeing. She adjusted her hold on the rabbit and held him out, taking in the small cuts and numerous other injuries she had never noticed before. He stared back at her with worried eyes.
“You’ve been busy, huh?” she cooed quietly, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking. He shrunk in her hands. “I told you to stay home, baby. What if something happened to you? I wouldn’t know where you went, and…”
Her protests died out as she saw what was unmistakably guilt on his little face. She brought him back to her chest and cleared her throat.
“It’s alright, Hoppit. If… If you want to help momma, then we can work together, okay? Just…please don’t go off getting hurt… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” The rabbit didn’t reply, and she was pretty sure she had never heard him make any sounds that weren’t his happy little ear clacks, but she chose to interpret the nuzzling as an agreement. “Such a smart boy…”
She took a breath and wiped off the excess moisture from her cheeks, setting Hoppit down on the ground. “Let’s bring Mr. Makis’ gift in, and then I need to go get more water so we can clean you up, okay?”
He bounced his way to the door of their home, waiting patiently for her to lug the surprisingly heavy crate into the shed. He was even still behaving himself by the time she returned from picking up the things she dropped in her haste. There wasn’t a single protest from the ferrorabbit as she washed over his wounds with warm water, nor when she asked him to wait as she cut up a small salad for him using an extra portion of her rationed vegetables. Finally, once everything else was gone, she tentatively sifted through the box until she found a chunk of something that didn’t look so sharp, then offered it to Hoppit skeptically.
As startling as it was to see him bite through metal without issue, she couldn’t help but tear up again at how pleased he looked with the bizarre addition to his diet. He munched through the first piece, then stared at the box while pawing at the air, asking for more. She obliged through wet laughs, feeling lighter than she had since he first gazed at her from his burrow, alone and afraid, just like she was.
Her little baby was happy, and that made it okay.
Next
—
A/N: Thank you to my Patrons, new and returning! No Thanks, Emmanuel, and Megathor join the others who get to read 1 chap ahead!

I am a woman in my mid 20’s, I’m 5’5”, and about 145 pounds. I do not smoke.
To give this some context, I have been diagnosed Fibromyalgia and endometriosis. I also have some record of an occasional arrhythmia. Sometimes I will experience weird symptoms and I’m not sure if it is just my fibro having a new thing or if something else is wrong. (This is also definitely not pregnancy symptoms, I am not sexually active.)
This past Monday I did Hot Yoga for the first time and it was ROUGH. Got very dizzy and almost threw up but I was fine. Ever since then I have been feeling nauseous each day. I think it’s possible that it’s from eating, because I experienced the nausea soon after eating, but it could be a coincidence because there’s just something in my stomach. And then today I started to feel dizzy and lightheaded as well as nauseous after eating.
Some cause possibilities: - If it’s not from eating food, I’m wondering if maybe it’s the hot yoga? Maybe I overexerted myself? - I also might have some kind of ankle or foot injury. Recently, also this week, when I walk on my foot, there will randomly be shooting pain up my leg in certain spots. And here’s the thing. People say “oh you would know if it was broken.” But I didn’t know that my knee was completely dislocated for a month and a half. I just thought it was normal pain. I’m getting that checked next week, but I’m wondering if maybe I did something to my foot and it’s making me nauseous? -another thought that I had is maybe it’s something to do with my heart. I know that fibromyalgia can cause heart arrhythmias. Last year I had to go to the ER because my doctor thought I was having a heart attack, turns out it was just an arrhythmia. This was confirmed by several different doctors during other appointments. Around the time that I was getting tested for those heart things, I had gotten dizzy and lightheaded several times. But after having a heart monitor for an entire month (last July), they didn’t spot a single arrhythmia, so maybe it’s just a June thing?
The symptoms I’ve been experiencing have been uncomfortable and kind of worrying. I don’t like being scared of passing out, especially when I need to drive places. I was considering taking myself to the ER tonight, but the dizziness eventually went away. My neurologist for my fibromyalgia has told me to be hyper vigilant so that I don’t get myself into another situation where I actually gave a symptom unrelated to my fibro and it goes untreated. (I had to have knee surgery recently because my knee was messed up for so long and I didn’t do anything.) I’m just not sure who to go to? I get a lot of doctors who tell me my labs are normal and it’s disheartening.

I can’t take it anymore. I have been in pain for too long. I tried hot water on my hand, screaming, hitting myself, scratched myself with a ball pen and other sharp multiple times.
I don’t have the guts to do anything drastic although i have been thinking about it for the last 5 years minimum. Only because if i fail, i will have to deal with its consequences too.
Another reason i dont want to unalive myself is because i know the people who are directly responsible for my pain would still not care about me maybe after 2 days post my death.
And maybe i am just desperate to be heard, felt, seen and acknowledged by them especially how much of my life i have sacrificed for them.
When these are blood related people they somehow feel its their right to receive everything i have done snd it is I who am ungrateful.
Out of the many hurtful things they have said the latest was, “You think you cry and scream and expect me to shiver and beg you for forgiveness?”
“You think only you only good and the world is bad. That is a you problem and even in the future whoever comes to your life you will be the same.”
I am in so much pain i just wan to get it out at least. Without leaving any marks or atleast gather the confidence to actually harm myself.
How do I this. I am literally begging you to help me get this pain out