I love my brothers and sister to death.
That doesn't mean I don't envy them. They grew up in a normal imperfect family while I lived and grew up with our grandparents.
I'm their half sister but loved me whole-heartedly. Cheered me up when I'm sad, listened even when I talk nonsense, my constant cheerleaders and bestfriends.
Growing up, I was multi-talented and an over-achiever. Lahat ng pwedeng gawin ng isang estudyante, ginawa ko. Sports, quiz bees, beauty pageants, singing and dance competitions, student leader, school paper, lahat yan sinalihan ko and lahat may award ako, hindi lang participation. I'm always on top my class. Always.
Panganay ako. My siblings watched and cheered for me kapag kasama sila manuod ng kung ano mang ganap ko sa school. Because I live with my grandparents in a different town, madalas wala akong kasama. I always thought proximity was the reason.
I am now 26 years old and clinically depressed. I realized I was always alone kasi hindi importante sa lola ko ang proseso. Growing up, paulit ulit na sinasabi sakin ng lola ko na dapat lagi akong magaling. Dapat lagi akong panalo. May ibang pamilya na yung mama ko, my dad is out of the picture, and I am all alone. Lagi nyang sinasabi na naaawa lang daw sya sakin kaya nya ako inaalagaan. Kapalit ng pag aalaga nila sakin ng lolo ko, dapat lagi akong panalo. Dapat laging magaling. Dapat laging pinaka-magaling para daw end of school year, hindi nakakahiya. Nakakahiya naman daw kasi kung hindi ako first honor. Kaya lahat sinalihan ko. Siguro determination ko rin kaya lagi din naman akong nananalo.
I remember bringing home graded test papers na ako naman yung highest, di nga lang perfect scores. My lola would say, "bakit minali mo pa yung isa/dalawa/tatlo?" "Sinong highest?"
I grew up alone and scared of life. I didn't know why I existed. I still dont. I just thought, if I don't win in these competitions, my mom, step dad and siblings won't come to my recognition day/graduation day. I always thought they would love me less.
Today, one of my brothers graduate. I feel sad and envious at how my mom is so excited. She's been telling me these past few days "gagraduate na si my brother sa 29" kahit na alam ko naman na kasi ako yung umaattend ng mga meeting sa school nya.
I am incredibly proud of my brother. Hindi high honors but with honors. I saw how he studied and cooked para sa grades na meron sya. (SHS, TVL-cookery) kaya nagi-guilty ako na sobrang lungkot ko kasi inggit na inggit ako. I graduated high school na parang wala lang despite my awards.
For my siblings, competion is achievement. Awards are bonus. Proud na sa kanila yung parents nila. Para sakin, dapat laging panalo. My mom was advised to attend my HS graduation last minute na kasi my tita and lola doesn't want to attend kasi they were expecting na MAS MARAMI akong awards. Muntik na akong umattend ng graduation ko na mag isa. Naalala ko pa sabi ko noon, "wag na lang kaya, okay lang yun. Pwede naman pick upin na lang yung diploma next time". Im glad my mom showed up.
Ewan ko ba. Kahit alam ko na yung mga nangyari at maling mentality noon, ang hirap pa rin mag adjust. Ang hirap paniwalain yung sarili ko na enough ako tulad ng mga kapatid ko na enough just by existing. Ang hirap paniwalaan. Para pa rin akong nagsisinungaling sa sarili ko.
I now work and still have the constant need to be the best and be recognized. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hello, my first post on Reddit so pardon my poor english(not first language), first for some background I am a undergrad in engineering more specifically in control and automation and i in my second year, and I already have some knowledge on programming but never really got to study and use outside the projects for my grades(I have a technician certificate from highschool, pretty good in my country where I live, so I had to program some things), what I want to know is what I can do in Java, like what is the possibility of tools and things that I can create with java and if you have any advice for me to use in Java for the field of engineering I appreciate and if you want to ask questions about my life and others things like my college I will only give you vage details and if you have some advices in what programming language i try to study after java i appreciate.

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

My name is Jessica, and I live in a small central American city of about 80,000 people.Today I'm going to share a story about Korea.First, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my family.When I was born, I already had an older brother.I don't mean just a little sister with an older brother.My brother was adopted from Korea.It's an unusual situation, isn't it? My parents struggled with infertility for several years before I was born, and they ended up adopting my Korean brother.Then, a few years later, they got pregnant with me, and I was born.My brother had different hair color, skin color, and eye color than me, but we got along very well.Even though we knew from a young age that we were adopted because of our differences, we got along well, and we were a family that loved each other deeply.
We played the same games, read books together, and spent a lot of time together. He always took good care of me, and he was a good brother who made me laugh.
I would say, “Brother, let's read this book together!” and he would always smile and read it to me. I think I liked and enjoyed his warmth to me, rather than focusing on the content of the book.
When we left our cozy home environment, it was time to go to school, and during this time, my brother and I were asked a lot of embarrassing questions.One day, while my brother and I were playing together, a friend asked me, “Jessica, why does your brother look different from you?”The question gave me pause, but he smiled and replied, “Because we are a family, looks don't matter. His positive attitude had a good effect on me, and I'm sure he had a good effect on himself, too.Watching him grow up right, and our family became interested in Korea. If he was a troublemaker and always in trouble, he wouldn't have had the time to take the time to learn about his country of origin, Korea, but when he studied well, didn't fight with his friends, and was a good person who always loved and cared for his brother, we couldn't help but wonder about his roots.
I think my parents also had the will to share Korean culture with my brother and me, to learn what they could, to broaden our horizons and deepen our family's understanding.Many years ago, when I was in middle school, my family visited Korea for the first time, and the experience left a great impression on me.
We visited many tourist spots in Seoul and saw the harmonious combination of Korean tradition and modernity.And Korea, with its many dark-haired, dark-eyed people like my brother, was somehow not foreign to me.For Americans traveling to Asia for the first time, this could have been difficult because people look different and give off different vibes, but not for me. My parents, of course, were very excited to revisit Korea, the country of my brother's birth, and spoke so many blessings about the land of my brother's birth.Of course, there were many good things to see and many fun things to do in Korea, but the most memorable moment was when I suddenly developed a high fever.
It was a quiet night in Korea at the time, and I suddenly developed a high fever.This change was so sudden that my parents panicked.Eventually, with the help of the hotel we were staying at, they were able to get me to the emergency room in Korea, where I was quickly treated.Upon arrival, the medical staff quickly assessed my condition and ran the necessary tests.The whole process was organized, and thanks to the professionalism and quick response of the medical staff, I was able to get comfortable quickly. My situation was so serious that my head hurt like a rock and I could barely understand what was being said around me, but thanks to their quick response, my fever started to come down and I was able to return to my senses.The tests showed that I had a severe flu, which had been contracted in the United States and had incubated in Korea.I had to stop traveling in Korea and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, but thanks to the fast and efficient healthcare system in Korea, this was not a problem.
My parents breathed a sigh of relief and expressed their deep gratitude to the Korean healthcare system.“If it wasn't for Korea, I would have been in trouble,” my father said.Although my family had to stop our trip to Korea and spend the rest of my stay in a Korean hospital, looking back, it was also a unique experience abroad.
Many years later, as an adult, my relationship with my brother was still good. We enjoyed Korean dramas, movies, and music together, cooked Korean food together, and learned Korean together.
However, there was a clear difference between me and him: he seemed to be better at learning, even if he spent the same amount of time studying, and he went to a prestigious university, while I failed to get into college and became depressed.
He helped me with my studies every vacation, taught me how to study, and helped me to get into a prestigious university, but the results were not good. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to, and I was going through a very difficult time. After he graduated from college, he moved back home from the East Coast of the United States and helped me study for the college entrance exam, and with his help, I was able to get into college, albeit late.
Although I didn't get into a prestigious university like my brother, I still had a satisfying college experience and broadened my horizons.Naturally, I discovered that Korea has been on the global radar lately, which was very exciting.Korea may be the latest trend for Americans these days, but for me and my brother, it's like going back to our roots.I've always loved Korea, and it was very interesting and fond to reminisce about my trip to Korea when I was in middle school and look through my photo albums, even though half the time I was sick. So, my brother and I decided to visit Korea again, and this time, we had several goals for the trip: we wanted to make sure that we got it right this time, because we didn't get it right the first time, and my brother wanted to get to know his Korean roots better, even though he is now an adult, working as an American and living as an American, and I wanted to get to know my Korean roots better in relation to my major in college, and this time, I wanted to research more about the Korean healthcare system that I had experienced as a child.
Of course, I also wanted to have fun in Korea and enjoy the freedom to roam around the country unlike when I was a student, but I didn't take it too seriously.
Korea was so different from the U.S. It had the look of a big city in the U.S., but it had its own unique vibe. It was much more developed than the neighborhoods we live in in the U.S., and everywhere you looked was filled with people, and there were hundreds or thousands of stores selling a variety of things. If you were walking around and traveling, and you got thirsty and needed a break, there were cafes all around you that you could just pop into and take a break, and you didn't have to go far to find a restaurant that had one Korean food and sold it, because all the infrastructure was there.
Everything is around you, and everything you want or need is always right around the corner, which is why people call city life so convenient and love it.The public transportation system in Korea, which is light years better than the big cities in the U.S., helped us get around without any difficulty.It was also so much fun to get a T-money card, carry it around, and use it to get around Korea for a very low cost.
And when my brother and I would walk around, going to cafes, restaurants, and other places where there was something to do, many Koreans would tell us that we made a good looking couple.When I would tell them, in a pleasant and complimentary way, that we were actually brother and sister, they would look surprised and apologize.
But it's completely understandable, because even in the U.S., more people think of us as a couple or friends than they do as siblings, and there's not much of an adoption culture in Korea, and no one adopts and brings European or American children to Korea, so it's no wonder we get these funny misunderstandings.
To be honest, even in the U.S. nowadays, you can still encounter people who ask my brother and I questions about our relationship with unpleasant intentions to hurt us, assuming that we are not a couple or friends, but maybe even a man.A recent memory is of an American grandfather in his 70s who made a very rude remark to us, asking us what kind of father our father was to have two women give birth at the same time.
In the U.S., most people are friendly and kind to me, but the problem is that some people sometimes make fun of my brother because he looks Asian, but this was not the case in Korea at all.No one discriminated against me because of my different appearance.
And there's actually a story I wasn't going to tell in this article, but I'm writing it down because I had my brother's permission to do so.After arriving in Korea, we decided to search for my adopted brother's birth parents in order to trace his roots.My parents and I respected his decision to pursue this endeavor in Korea, and of course, we decided to support it. We visited the Korean adoption agency and requested my brother's adoption records.The representative provided us with all the information possible and was eager to help us, saying that efforts to find one's roots are ongoing every day.Together, we were able to find some important clues in the records.
My brother decided to visit his birthplace based on those clues, and of course, I joined him on the journey.We were always laughing since we came to Korea, but at this moment, there was more seriousness than laughter.We visited my brother's birthplace together and talked to the local people.
At the time, there was only a vague record of my brother's father and mother, but no proper records, so we only knew where he was born, and we had to go there and find someone who had lived there for a long time.But Korea is a very fast-developing country, and the sad thing is that the area where my brother was born and spent the first few months of his life was already torn down and replaced by a huge apartment complex. We felt that if we had come sooner, at least before these new apartments were built, things would have been at least better than they were, but there was no point in regretting what had passed.We visited the social welfare center and police station in the area, explained our situation, and asked for help.The Korean people were very kind, listening to my brother's story and letting us know what we could do.
We were told that when a new apartment building is built in Korea, new people who have no connection to the area move into the apartment, but that some of the people who live in these new apartments have been living here for a long time, most likely elderly people, and that the best thing to do is to find them and ask them about their past.We felt that this information would be very useful to us, as we were very confused and frustrated.
So my brother and I, along with a Korean lady who felt sorry for us and wanted to help, approached the elderly people who came in and out of the apartment and asked them questions.But despite all our efforts, we were unsuccessful in finding my brother's biological parents.We had many clues and information, but we were unable to find any conclusive evidence.My brother was disappointed, but we were comforted by the fact that we had done our best. Maybe if we could have spent a few weeks, maybe even a few months here to find and talk to an elderly person with memories of the past, we could have found a clue to the solution, but we couldn't stay in Korea, so in the end, we had to give up without proceeding any further.When I saw the look on my brother's face as he said that if he had the chance, he would visit Korea next time for this sole purpose, I felt a great sense of disappointment.“It's a shame that we couldn't find them, but thank you for trying,” he said to me.I couldn't say it anymore.
It would have been great if he could have completed his homework, but he didn't.Contrary to my initial expectations, the Korean adoption agency tried to be as helpful as possible, and I was very grateful to the government officials in the place of my brother's supposed birth, who were very sympathetic to his situation and actively tried to help him, and to the Korean lady who passed by.
Having been treated by the Korean healthcare system in the past, I took this level of care for granted and thought that it was something that everyone could enjoy, but then, when I was a high school student in the U.S., I was seriously ill and did not receive the same care as I did in Korea, so I remember suffering terribly and tried to understand why this difference occurred.
Before I came to Korea, I had already arranged to meet with someone, and although I didn't get to visit any specialized institutions, I was able to meet with Korean college students, and I learned a lot of information from them: medical students, pharmacy students, and I was able to get a lot of information from them.
The Korean healthcare system was different from the U.S. in many ways: it was fast, efficient, and provided a high level of care at a relatively low cost.The quick response and organized system for emergencies was especially impressive.The emergency rooms in Korea were very reasonably priced, allowing people to go to them for minor and mild symptoms.At this point, I thought that if there were a lot of people going to the emergency room for minor symptoms, it would be a problem if someone came in who needed emergency care, but the hospitals in Korea made it very easy to answer that question. I also learned that when a really urgent patient comes in, the emergency room prioritizes the emergency patients and treats them first, ignoring the minor ones. It's so simple and obvious: the doctors have the skills to determine the severity of the patient's condition, and they can prioritize the treatment accordingly.
Not only that, but it was very easy to get an appointment in Korea and the wait time was short. The Korean medical staff emphasized patient care and prompt treatment, and they utilized the latest medical technology and equipment to provide the best possible medical care.
In the U.S., medical care is often very expensive, complicated, and difficult to access quickly, and many people are unable to get proper treatment due to insurance issues.I also received prompt treatment in Korea when I was in middle school without insurance and had to pay a reasonable price, but the experience was a nightmare as I remember being very sick in middle school and high school, and I felt that the Korean system was far superior.I felt that the Korean healthcare system is not for profit, but is dedicated to protecting the health of the people.
Through my experiences in Korea, I learned about a much broader world than what my brother and I knew before.There are many factors that make Korea such a great country, but the culture and system that my brother and I experienced firsthand helped us understand why.And most of all, Korea is the country that made my brother.I have grateful feelings for Korea, which is also my brother's roots.
My brother and I could tell without speaking to each other that through this visit, we saw in each other a willingness to continue to love Korea more and more, and to strive to learn and understand Korean culture.
Korea is now a country that has special meaning to me as an adult, and I think it will be a great pleasure for me to honor my brother's roots and watch Korea develop and grow.I will continue to connect with Korea and try to help more people discover its charms.
And next year, he plans to visit Korea to find his roots once again. He plans to stay in Korea for more than a month, and he will continue his best efforts during that period.

I have struggled with my Catholic faith recently. These are 20% of my reasons for doing so. 1. Few months ago, I considered priesthood in the Catholic Church. The answers and "support" I get from priests are not helping at all. I sometimes question myself, do priests nowadays get enough education for their role? 2. A number of priests I talked to resorted to priesthood just because they have no other option. I get the impression - "it's just another job" and they don't take it by heart. 3. I grew up with a friend who became a Jesuit. Pursued further studies in Boston University, and now has been following the footsteps of a weird bald Jesuit priest parading around with rainbow flags. 3.1 I did a little searching and came across some bizzare articles and social media profiles of Jesuits in the Americas. (See my post on Catholicism) 4. I remember at age 18, a Dominican friar once told me to be wary of the "wolves in sheep's clothing confusing other sheep in the same field". I didn't understand it at first, but I do now. 5. I stumbled upon an Orthox Church and felt some deep reverence in the place. I reflected in the Church for 3 hours straight.
*Other reasons are too personal to discuss.
For now, I decided to postpone the change and drag myself in attending the Catholic Church mass despite these struggles. I am already endlessly exhausted at work, but I continue to hope for a better tomorrow with God. As I continue my practice abroad in 2 months, I ask you to please pray for me as I embark on a new spiritual journey- that I may really find the true "home" and find God.

Are you currently studying agriculture science? Or graduated from a related degree in the last 3 years?
We’re an Australian market research company and we’re conducting social research on the experiences of uni students within agriculture-related courses.
This is PAID research where you will have a casual Zoom chat with a moderator about your University experience.
You’ll first need to fill out a short screening survey to check if you qualify and if you do, we will be in contact via SMS with more info and to book you in: Current students: https://www.rtr.com.au/projects/2882/online-interview--australia-wide/ Alumni: https://www.rtr.com.au/projects/2884/online-interview--australia-wide/
If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send an email to [christina.g@rtr.com.au](mailto:christina.g@rtr.com.au)
Note: data respondents provide in a screening survey is only used to check eligibility. Data is never sold or shared outside of this. We are ISO accredited and are a trusted partner of ADIA. You can see our full privacy policy here: https://www.rtr.com.au/terms/privacy.

I love my brothers and sister to death.
That doesn't mean I don't envy them. They grew up in a normal imperfect family while I lived and grew up with our grandparents.
I'm their half sister but loved me whole-heartedly. Cheered me up when I'm sad, listened even when I talk nonsense, my constant cheerleaders and bestfriends.
Growing up, I was multi-talented and an over-achiever. Lahat ng pwedeng gawin ng isang estudyante, ginawa ko. Sports, quiz bees, beauty pageants, singing and dance competitions, student leader, school paper, lahat yan sinalihan ko and lahat may award ako, hindi lang participation. I'm always on top my class. Always.
Panganay ako. My siblings watched and cheered for me kapag kasama sila manuod ng kung ano mang ganap ko sa school. Because I live with my grandparents in a different town, madalas wala akong kasama. I always thought proximity was the reason.
I am now 26 years old and clinically depressed. I realized I was always alone kasi hindi importante sa lola ko ang proseso. Growing up, paulit ulit na sinasabi sakin ng lola ko na dapat lagi akong magaling. Dapat lagi akong panalo. May ibang pamilya na yung mama ko, my dad is out of the picture, and I am all alone. Lagi nyang sinasabi na naaawa lang daw sya sakin kaya nya ako inaalagaan. Kapalit ng pag aalaga nila sakin ng lolo ko, dapat lagi akong panalo. Dapat laging magaling. Dapat laging pinaka-magaling para daw end of school year, hindi nakakahiya. Nakakahiya naman daw kasi kung hindi ako first honor. Kaya lahat sinalihan ko. Siguro determination ko rin kaya lagi din naman akong nananalo.
I remember bringing home graded test papers na ako naman yung highest, di nga lang perfect scores. My lola would say, "bakit minali mo pa yung isa/dalawa/tatlo?" "Sinong highest?"
I grew up alone and scared of life. I didn't know why I existed. I still dont. I just thought, if I don't win in these competitions, my mom, step dad and siblings won't come to my recognition day/graduation day. I always thought they would love me less.
Today, one of my brothers graduate. I feel sad and envious at how my mom is so excited. She's been telling me these past few days "gagraduate na si my brother sa 29" kahit na alam ko naman na kasi ako yung umaattend ng mga meeting sa school nya.
I am incredibly proud of my brother. Hindi high honors but with honors. I saw how he studied and cooked para sa grades na meron sya. (SHS, TVL-cookery) kaya nagi-guilty ako na sobrang lungkot ko kasi inggit na inggit ako. I graduated high school na parang wala lang despite my awards.
For my siblings, competion is achievement. Awards are bonus. Proud na sa kanila yung parents nila. Para sakin, dapat laging panalo. My mom was advised to attend my HS graduation last minute na kasi my tita and lola doesn't want to attend kasi they were expecting na MAS MARAMI akong awards. Muntik na akong umattend ng graduation ko na mag isa. Naalala ko pa sabi ko noon, "wag na lang kaya, okay lang yun. Pwede naman pick upin na lang yung diploma next time". Im glad my mom showed up.
Ewan ko ba. Kahit alam ko na yung mga nangyari at maling mentality noon, ang hirap pa rin mag adjust. Ang hirap paniwalain yung sarili ko na enough ako tulad ng mga kapatid ko na enough just by existing. Ang hirap paniwalaan. Para pa rin akong nagsisinungaling sa sarili ko.
I now work and still have the constant need to be the best and be recognized. 🤷🏻‍♀️

i'm a rising senior and trying to apply to M.S. programs for I/O psych this fall. I just took the gre about a week ago and got a 157 on verbal, and 148 on quantitative (will update when i get writing score). i want to mention that i did not study at all for the test, so i feel like i could definitely do better especially on quantitative. the type of math on that exam was math i haven't done in 3+ years minimum, & i heavily overestimated how much i remembered how to do, so i think if i study i could easily improve that score. i guess my questions are is what is considered a good score for someone who isn't trying to get into a competitive or super selective program, and how long in advance did yall start studying for it, and what websites/programs you liked to use for studying (i prefer something more structured). i especially wanna focus on relearning those quantitative concepts and learning some new vocab words. thanks yall😁

I’m a future History/social studies teacher and have a summer assignment due where I need to interview a HS or MS teacher -but my district is on summer break now and I can’t get in contact with the teachers I usually ask. I would really appreciate it if a current social studies teacher could answer these questions real quick (could just be a sentence each). Would really appreciate it :)
1) What is social studies?
2) What social studies is currently offered at your school?
3) What are your thoughts of the social studies standards?
4) Is your school doing enough in regards to social studies curriculum? If so, how? If not, how can it be improved?
5) What is the role of media and technology in the social studies classroom?
6) As looking to be a teacher for the next 30 years, what advice do you have for me regarding the utilization of technology and media in the classroom.

Hi everyone,
I'm a brand-new brokeinvestment adviser rep just starting out, and having gone through multiple exams and passing them all on the first try, I thought I'd give my 2 cents on how you can pass them, hopefully in a quicker time than me! I'll go through each test and my personal experience, then I'll explain the methods I actually used and how you can customize them to your needs.
SIE - I literally had zero experience in the securities industry when I started studying. I wasn't sure what to think after the first lesson, but I found it interesting! It took me a little over 2 months to prepare (I used Kaplan for all my tests). I studied for about 2.5 to 3 hours each day, and made sure to take plenty of notes. I found the real test was actually easier than the Final and Mastery Exams. Lots of questions of options, the primary/secondary markets, investment companies and the Acts; overall a good mix.
Series 6 - Immediately started prepping the day after passing the SIE; passed it about a month later. Suitability was the key point of emphasis; I memorized the suitability chart that they gave in the textbook and that helped a ton. Real test had a lot more scenario based questions asking you to pick the right type of investment for a customer. Tbh I was feeling a little nervous for this one since I had failed the second Mastery Exam, and this was three days before my test date. The key difference between this one and the SIE was that the latter had a broad amount of material, while the 6 asked you how products actually worked. I'd say this was the second hardest for me.
Series 63 - Again, started prepping the day after passing the 6. I'm being 100% honest here, it was almost pure memorization. I memorized the exempt transactions/securities, as well as the exemptions and exclusions for broker-dealers, agents, investment advisers, and investment adviser reps by writing them down over and over again (on my laptop to save trees lol). Also, knowing the legal terms was key, because this was a state law exam by NASAA (so don't confuse their rules with FINRA's). The Mastery Exams were a breeze, and the real test was definitely the easiest out of the bunch for me.
Series 26 - Here's where things start to get tougher. The info that I'd learned from the SIE and 6 (they're prerequisites for this one) came back to me, and I had to remember that it was important to look at it from a supervisor's POV, because a lot of questions were going to be based on this (i.e. "A rep commits X, what should the principal do to handle this situation?") The material itself was stuff that had already been drilled into me, but being a 110-question test, I had to time myself to keep pace on the practice tests. On the actual test, I was able to answer all the questions within 2 hours, and that gave me enough time to do a second-run through. Not too bad all in all; for me it was a tad bit easier than the SIE.
Series 65 - Oh boy. Let me tell you guys something that'll save you a ton of headaches later on: DO. NOT. TAKE. THIS. TEST. LIGHTLY. I just passed it last week, and if it hadn't been for the countless hours of studying I'd put in, I most likely would've failed. This literally had all of the material from the previous tests, including the entirety of the 63. On top of that, it also had federal laws that needed to be recognized from the state-level ones. The Kaplan course had 24 units to cover all the material, and a little over 4200 QBank questions. A huge mistake I made was not using all of them up. After taking the 2nd Mastery and all of the practice tests, I had answered around 3000 questions. After some debating on whether I should study some more or schedule, although I was still shaky in a few areas, I decided to go for it. The real test started out easy, and by questions 30-40, I was feeling like I might fail. But I stayed calm and focused on doing my best. I was super grateful for knowing those formulas, as a couple of questions didn't ask for calculations, but simply what they were. The ones that did ask to calculate tripped me up a bit, but I made my best picks/guesses. After answering all the questions with about 50 minutes left, I changed 2 answers; one because I didn't read the question properly and the other because I found another question that helped to answer. As you can imagine, this test was easily the toughest out of them all. I was more than thankful to see that "Pass" appear after clicking "Submit".
So there's my story! Sorry for the long paragraph on the 65; I actually cut out some more sentences to try and shorten it as much as possible. To cap everything off, I'll go through the main strategies I used, and how you can customize them to your will (Although I used Kaplan, they can probably work for other programs as well).
1) Do many practice tests. After each practice test, read the explanations throughly. Understand why you got the question right or wrong. The real test will almost certainly have different wording than the prep course you're using, so understanding the concept allows you to answer correctly regardless of how the question is asked. When I was using the QBank questions, I made sure to set the custom quiz to pull unused questions from the pool, so I didn't know what would appear next.
2) Make acronyms/phrases. They can be about absolutely anything (a movie, a life experience, etc). Anything that you can connect a group of bullet points or a concept to make it easier to remember is a good thing. For instance, I was having trouble with SEP IRAs, and it kept mentioning that only the employer contributes to this type of IRA. So to help me remember, I made the phrase "Solely Employer Puts In" (the first letter of each word makes SEP and I for IRA). Any silly way to hammer that point in means you won't forget come test time.
3) Record yourself saying concepts and phrases, and put it on loop. I started doing this a bit for the 26, and a LOT for the 65. Try to say what you want to say in a minute or less (absolute max of 1min30s). Once you put your recording on loop, you can listen to it over and over again, and this actually forces the info into your brain without you having to think or work too much. After listening to each recording however many times you like, try to write down what you heard. If you can't remember, just keep playing the recording until you've got it memorized.
4) Watch YouTube videos. Please be careful with this one, and make sure you use videos that are up to date (some videos were created years ago and thus pieces of info may not be current). Series7Guru with Dean and PassMasters with Suzy Rhoades are two excellent channels to look into. You never know, these videos may just help you snag an easy point or two on your real test ;)
If you're still here after getting through this humongous post, I wish you best of luck in not just your tests, but your future careers! Take care!

For context, I didn't grow up outdoorsy but in the last few years I have gotten heavily into hiking and climbing and it is all I want to do. However, I haven't camped yet. But I have a dream of hiking the CT. With enough preparation, is it doable and safe for me to plan and prepare for this? I would likely do it next year, so I'd have a whole year to plan and study logistics, buy the right gear (and test it out if need be), and read up.
I'm 27, F, and I am middle-ground fit. I hike, climb, lift, and long-distance run regularly. I have a remote job that could allow me to travel to do some weekend overnighter practice runs for camping gear beforehand.
I'd probably ask my job for 4 weeks off--is that doable? Is this whole thing doable or a pipe dream? I feel like this is a dream I really want to accomplish and I can't get it out of my head. No one in my actual life is interested in thru-hiking and camping, so I would not have a lot of in-person support or resources--I'd be heavily reliant on self-studying intensely. I'm sure many people in my life would object to me doing this and think it is extremely reckless and unsafe, even though I know thru-hiking the CT is not inherently unsafe.
But...I still want to know what you guys think. It may be stupid of me to ask reddit, but I genuinely do not have a single person in real life I can ask this question to, and even if I did, no one is knowledgeable on the subject and every person would undoubtedly think I am crazy. If I do this, I'd want to keep my planning and prepping as private as possible until I tell people irl.
Thank you in advance!

So I lived in Japan up to the 7th grade, but I studied at an American school and we weren’t so pushed to learn Japanese. I feel like I should have actually learned it during that time because now I really want to learn Japanese and start writing the JLPT exams. I know hiragana, katakana and probably N5 level kanji. Where should I start and what should I do. Any resources?

I am a foreign attorney who just started preparing for the Feb 25 CA bar exam, but I'm not sure how to best prepare right now since most of the courses are for an 8-10 week preparation.
I will take a leave from work in December and am planning to do likely Themis when the time comes. Since I have Barbri books, I'm preparing my outlines based on the mini-review, doing questions on Adaptibar, and writing essays + self-grading them based on the Barbri book.
Should I hire an hourly tutor to help me at this stage? I don't want to waste my time studying ineffectively since I only have about 15 hours per week to study now (I'll study full-time starting in December).

ADVICE NEEDED!
I’m in the 6 week zoom session of DiffEq with Biniyam Tibebu.
There’s almost nothing on the canvas page, and I haven’t gotten a response on any of my emails. We have a test on June 3rd, and all I’m going off of is WebAssign.
For anyone that has taken him before, how closely do the exams follow the WebAssign questions?
Apparently it’s a proctored zoom exam but I haven’t heard anything about it.
Also, does the math department usually create standardized exams? Does Tibebu have his own exams or does he maybe use another software like myOpenMath?
My friend has a different professor, but they shared some notes and it’s been super helpful. Just wondering if maybe those study materials are similar to what will be tested.
Any advice would be super appreciated! Also feel free to reach out if you’re in the same class, we can maybe make a study group!

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez." I say, warmly greeting an elderly Cuban woman in her sixties. She smiles sweetly at me as she asks me if I am the chef behind today's food, in Spanish. I smile and nod at her, and she excitedly begins to chatter in Spanish, telling me the latest chisme regarding the latest romantic escapades occurring in her son's life.
I lightly place some ham on the sandwich I'm preparing for her as she excitedly gossips with me. I cleverly practice my active listening skills, while occasionally chiming in to let her know that I am actively aware of what she's saying. The woman is one of the last people to arrive during today's meal hour. She seems to operate on a sense of punctuality that is uniquely hers, almost like a force of nature. I almost admire it, if I'm being honest. My fellow volunteers look at me and smile as they sense the passive patience I radiate in this minor interaction.
The day has been one of the more chill ones in the soup kitchen, especially since I started actively championing the place. At our most busy we've served hundreds of families in a single day, and today we've served a few dozen. There's something quite nice about this moment of normalcy. I wonder if I sometimes took this level of mundanity for granted during this jump...
To be fair to myself a part of me is almost acting like I'm guaranteed to send myself to some apocalyptic hellscape and that's just not happening. I'm almost guaranteed to go to a place more dangerous than "9-5; a white-collar simulator", but I'm picking my next destination and after the decade of serenity I've had here I've got no reason to act like a dumbass and jeopardize my odds of long-term success in this career by sending myself to a death trap. Ms. Lopez smiles as she walks away, clearly believing she's shared vital chisme with me. To be fair, she did share gossip plenty of people would find juicy, but since I'm not some gossip I was the wrong audience for her words.
My fellow volunteers look at me and glance at my phone with curious looks. I pick up the thing and see that I've been missing an exhilarating conversation in our group chat. I skim the thing, my perfected memory allowing me to instantly catch up with the conversation the small gaggle of brave volunteers who kindly donate our weekend hours have been having before I begin to text the group back.
The rest of the day passes by in a blur. We wait for the people who've come for a meal to finish their food up and then we get to cleaning. After that we do a few sweeps of the parts of the church we've used before going our separate ways. I make my way home, and I do some light meal-prepping as well as practice a few more of my skills. At this point in my stay I've perfected my routine and could do it in my sleep... If I ever slept that is. In the entire time I've been in this setting I don't believe I've slept once. That is a nice feeling, since it means I never wasted an hour of my time, much less six.
The work week is a bit of a slog, since I am eagerly anticipating the news regarding my final promotion. I was never the sort to believe that time felt longer when you were excited about something, or dreading it, but in the time since I came to this setting I've gradually become a believer in such ideas even if they still feel a bit silly. Nonetheless. I diligently work through the week, keep my team on track, and when Friday rolls around I get the news I've waited for.
Thanks to "Gamer's Mind" I am able to keep my face even as the office's general supervisor explains this news to me and not outwardly express my excitement, but internally I am more excited than I've been about anything since I first entered this world. This news means that I'll be getting right around $3,000 dollars every two weeks just for existing! This means that in future jumps working will be optional unless I get really greedy, which frees me up to decide what I want to do in most modern settings. In medieval settings this amount of money could be even more vital, though at the same time such a thing could just... not matter, since in such a setting I could easily just avoid civilization, but this money will certainly liberate me from a lot of the struggles of wasting vast swathes of a jump at a job I don't want.
At the time that I was being told the good news I almost began to cry. Thank goodness for Gamer's Mind, I guess.
Nine years ago I was down on my luck and down to my last dollars when I got the job offer that led me here and this news means that I am free from such things. The freedom and power that comes with making enough to get by, especially passively, is awe-inspiring, and it's quite difficult for me to find the words to express how excited it makes me feel even days after it. I spend... close to a week passively smiling and being just ambiently happy, as I begin to integrate a new set of responsibilities into my work life.
During this time my decision to fix the coffee machine in the office break-room by hand after it almost burns a colleague results in me getting a new class; "Handyman" and the initial ability I receive is a simple one that bolsters my agility a touch, agility being my attribute tied to fine motor skills. I skillfully use this class to actually fix various things by hand, and I begin to steadily accrue various maintenance skills. In days I gain class levels, and with each class level I am able to repair things faster, more cheaply, and eventually my ability to fix matures into an ability to improve things, which I instinctively know will lead to some shenanigans down the line. Before I know it days have turned into weeks, which age and turn into months. My skills with leadership and motivation have continued to improve and I lead my team with my full focus and skillful decision-making. Before I know it I am in the final leg of the final stretch of my first jump.
I've been here for 119 months. Nine years and eleven months. It's actually been... even longer than that. I'm at the beginning of the final week of my stay here, and my hands idly clean a dish as I passively listen to Pastor Charlie, one of the few guest pastors the church has invited in years deliver a sermon. He has the congregants enraptured and eating out of the palm of his hand as he speaks about a miracle that "Our Lord" once performed. His voice is a pleasant distraction and one of my twin trains of thought listens and takes notes on how the man delivers his sermon. Physically I seem to be engrossed in the man's sermon when someone, one of the church's assistants, taps on my shoulder and gestures for me to walk over to the pastor's office. I stealthy get up, activating "Rogue" and make my way out of the serving area adjacent to the kitchen. I relax a touch when I'm in the long hallway leading me to Tyler's, Pastor Rhodes's, office.
As I walk down the humble hallway I feel a strange sense of finality wash over me. There's something uncommonly... real about this trek. I feel more solid, more whole than I have in a while, and I suspect that it's because this is my last time in this soup kitchen, this church. I won't be returning here, at least not for a while, and that's sad. It's not the saddest thing that's ever happened to me, but it is kind of a bummer and I allow myself to feel a touch of real, genuine sadness at the sobering realization that when I leave this place I'll be leaving for a long time.
I eventually put that thought away, shelving it and compartmentalizing my thoughts so I can focus on better, happier things. My enhanced senses allow me to spot things like faint cracks too thin for normal humans to spot, and as I walk past them I cast my handy spell on them. I watch as the walls of the hallway repair themselves and I smile, sensing the powerful potential of the spell at my fingertips. I reach the office of the man I've spent plenty of weekends working alongside, and under, and I smile, even internally, when he looks up and spots me. He greets me with a smile and motions for me to sit down. When I do what he asks, he immediately begins to speak.
"Lucas, I apologize for calling out to you but I wanted to check in. Today you seemed... Out of it." The man exclaims, and judging from the way my heart jumps in my chest I realize that some people are just.... more intuitive than others. My acting skill gets a nice little load of experience when I mask my reaction to his words and let out a small, natural sounding laugh in response to his question.
"Tyler," I begin, causing the man to wince. I'm an atheist, or at least I was pre-chain, now... well, now I'm a lot more curious about religion than I was before. I'm not sure if gods exist, but I sure as shit know the supernatural does and I'm not in the business of denying what I can see. I've made my vague religious position clear to the man long ago so he insists I call him "Tyler" which I've personally always found a bit awkward, but there's something a little funny about how it disarms him so cleanly during this interaction. "I'm doing... Okay. I AM bummed I won't be here next week." I state, calmly. This causes my friend's eyes to widen in surprise.
"You're missing a week? I'm sure some of our regulars will be disappointed. Is everything alright?" The man asks. His question is so sincere, so genuine that it's mildly disarming.
I'm... not a nice person. I'm far from mean, sure, but I've come to accept that there's a core of kindness in some people, even in many people, and I am not someone who has that core, that central, unconscious, guiding light that moves them towards kindness with the ease and naturalness of a heartbeat. At my core rests something else, something I don't know if I can articulate in just a few words.
I wouldn't say I'm mean or anything like that but I'm far more cynical than a lot of the people I've met are. In this world, especially, it seems like a lot of people are just decent at heart and I suspect that that was and is the case in the world I was born on as well. Tyler is one of the people I've met whose central guiding light seems to be centered around decency and kindness and I think in any world the man could find himself in he'd strive to be kind. It's almost like interacting with a real version of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons...
"I'm okay. I'm gonna be doing other stuff, and I normally prioritize the soup kitchen over my work or social life," I state, and this isn't a flex it's simply a very true statement. Tyler hears the remark and smiles faintly. "But I've been asked to help out with other stuff from friends who wouldn't ask if it wasn't something they really felt they could handle alone. I'm just gonna miss one weekend, and then I'll be back." I remark, and Tyler smiles at me.
"Okay Lucas. If you need any help you'd ask, right?" Tyler asks, and I consider the question. This is only somewhat an act, as I don't know if I'd ask for help if I needed it. I ultimately nod at the man and I can sense a touch of sadness as he studies my response, which I don't love but I also don't really feel right lying anymore than is necessary. The man makes some small talk and I quickly breeze through it. In minutes I am back in the kitchen with the others. And minutes after that I am cleaning with my fellow volunteers. Almost before I know it I'm stepping out of the church after we've cleaned out the kitchen. I glance at it one last time before I make my way home.
The next few days pass by in a blur, with only two minor oddities; the first being that I ask Hannah to come out with me on Friday night. I have got to see if I can stomach the idea of any sort of romance in a jump, and this is a consequence free way for me to do something along those lines. The second oddity is that I spend nearly all of my money purchasing... well, everything. Every night after work I go to various stores and spend the money that I really haven't needed all that much until now, purchasing things like weapons, food, and especially books. I buy boatloads of books, both ready and willing to use up something I won't be able to take with me into future jumps anyway in exchange for stuff I CAN take with me, thanks to the fiat-backed power of an infinite inventory.
The work week is, aside from what I do after work every night, pretty normal but Friday itself is weirdly solemn. The day passes by as quickly as any other day has, filled with minor encounters with glitches, and a few more annoyances with my small number of drawbacks but when five rolls around I clock out one last time and give the office a final look. I am weirdly slow when it comes to getting up and leaving my cubicle, in fact I'm actually one of the last office workers to leave the office but as I step out of the building I experience another burst of gratitude to Gamer's Mind, which keeps me from acting odd or even tearing up as I glance back at the place I've spent thousands of hours in.
I allow myself a beat to... honestly, grieve. I tell myself that it's okay to have feelings about leaving, even if those feelings are big and weird and are not the most fun. Nonetheless I don't linger here, at my place of employment, I have other things I both need and want to do. I use my inventory and change into a pretty casual outfit before I begin a brief walk. _________________________________________________________________________
​The park beside the office building is a rare example of a pristine location in the city. It is filled with natural greenery, and at the moment a stunningly pretty redhead glances at her phone waiting for someone to pop into view.
The redhead is wearing a pleasant looking dress and a jacket, as the weather is just beginning to take the seasonal turn towards the unpleasant. It's still warm enough that the clothes are mostly unnecessary but as she waits for her friend, a young man who has finally gotten the courage to ask her out on something vaguely approximating a date, she appreciates the wisdom of her decision to wear the slightly warmer than necessary clothes.
Her "date", mostly in her eyes though he is aware of her feelings and a part of him feels some happiness in the idea that this is a date, enters the park and spots her before she spots him. He reaches into his inventory and he retrieves something, a nice little bouquet he purchased earlier today and safely stored away. The flowers, prettily packed and all, appear as he walks towards the young woman.
Lucas is testing the waters here. He isn't testing the waters with Hannah specifically, but rather what it feels like to go on a date as a jumper. He has long had strange feelings about this, but he knows that he is going to leave tomorrow and so he wants to see if he can enjoy a date as a jumper, so he is doing a scientific experiment even if he feels... less than great about some aspects of all of this.
"Hannah!" Lucas says, calling out to one of his first, in fact one of his only, real friends in this world. The redhead excitedly turns and spots her longtime friend, waving at him and waving him over. She spots the bouquet and lets out a delighted sounding laugh, and when Lucas hears it the smile that alights his features is heartwarming.
In his day to day life some facets of Lucas's charisma-heavy build only rarely surface in ways that matter and his looks tends to be one such thing He is attractive enough that his looks can captivate and reside in one's imagination for a while after they first meet him, but right now, this early on along his chain his looks are only enough to make people have schoolgirl crushes on him and people can and do get used to his looks after a while. Still, in some moments this is enough to color the impression he makes on people. Right now, in a romantic context, his supernatural attractiveness is enough to change the sort of impression he makes on someone.
The handsome actor reaches his friend and sits down next to her. He hands her the flowers and for a moment a strange serenity washes over the two as they enjoy each other's company. Lucas looks inward and he realizes that he genuinely, well and truly, likes this moment. Hannah looks at him and eventually asks an important question.
"Lucas... how am I gonna hold these flowers?" She asks, and this makes him smile. He is quick to offer her a response.
"I'll take them when we get going but I saw them and I thought of you. I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't give you these." He says, and there is an odd, for him, level of sincerity and genuineness in his voice that makes Hannah giggle girlishly. Lucas right now is relying on his perk-enhanced instincts and the charisma he has honed through social encounters for the last decade, and he's enjoying how it feels.
Both of the figures on the "Date", though neither of them officially dubbed it that, enjoy the moment. Their passive delight and infatuation create an envy-inducing atmosphere of closeness and quiet joy that radiates outward. The park is nearly abandoned so there is no one to witness this moment other than Lucas's benefactor, and Lucas is simply at peace.
Eventually he lightly touches Hannah's hand, and asks her if she'd like to go and get dinner before they go to the movie they agreed on going to watch earlier this week. Hannah agrees, handing Lucas the bouquet and he, to her surprise, puts it in the bag he has on his person. When she asks if that will squish or hurt the flowers Lucas tells her, with a bizarre amount of confidence, that it won't. She eventually accepts this, having learned to trust that Lucas knows what he is doing, and the two of them begin a short walk to a mall they both know well.

I’m feeling so down. I’ve been studying every day for at least 5 hours a day for the past 6 weeks, almost entirely on LR, and at this point, I feel like I’m now completely confusing myself and making the questions out to be way more complex than they actually are. My diagnostic test score in LR was better than how I’m scoring now.
Has this happened to anyone else? Am I reading too much? Should I take a break?
I’m starting to make things way more complicated than they are, scoring lower, losing confidence, doubting myself more, and I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how to reroute my studying to get back on track.
Any advice would be really appreciated. Hope you all are having more success than I am.

Last week, when I was on a very rare vacation from saving guys from lives of loneliness, someone posted a question asking if AFA is a scam.
I am just going to answer it here, because my answer is long and detailed.
Romance Is HARD!
First, the dating industry is simply impossible, because it is trying to help people, often deeply flawed people, find love. This is the most personal, most private, and most deeply emotional journey in someone's life and it is a challenging journey for everyone. Most first dates don't lead to second dates and most second dates don't lead to people becoming a couple, and most couples do not get married, and over 40% of American couples are not married ten years later.
But if at any point in this chain an AFA client ends up angry and disappointed - including decades later - he very well might rage that AFA is a scam.
And the Romance Industry Is HARDER Than Regular Romance!
AFA is not just an electronic introduction app like Tinder or other dating apps. They actually introduces thousands of men and women in person every single year.
They employee dozens of matchmakers and have scores of affiliated dating agencies in Ukraine, Thailand, Colombia, and roughly a dozen other countries. That is complicated. They have something like 30k women in the database. That is a huge logistical challenge.
In fact, if you really think about it is amazing how successful they have been.
But lets look closer at the overwhelming proof they are not a scam:
AFA Has Been In Business Almost Thirty Years.
If they were a scam they would have been sued out of existence long ago. They are based in Phoenix. They are not some mysterious site with an office in Malta. They can be sued or even prosecuted under US law.
AFA Is Almost The Only American International Matchmaker Left In Business
IMBRA has a whole slew of requirements, including inspections by the US State Department, and most other matchmakers either collapsed under the pressure or moved off-shore. AFA didn't. That alone speaks volumes for their integrity.
AFA Has Introduced Tens of Thousands of Happy Couples.
Take a look at the testimonials. They have hundreds of testimonials and on this sub they have numerous defenders who actually have used their service.
AFA Has Been Relentlessly Investigated By the Media Over and Over
Reporters love breaking big stories of crime, corruption and scandal. Most of the journalists who have looked at AFA over the last thirty years have thought they were going to break a big story because of the urban legends about international dating. But take a look at their media page. It is almost universally positive, and if its really a scam all of these people have to be in on it too.
AFA Has Been Studied By Academics In More Detail Than Any Dating Company
But my favorite source on AFA are the numerous academics who have studied them - often for years on end - over the years. These scholars were often certain they were going to uncover a worldwide criminal conspiracy. Instead, most of them become openly supportive.
You can read an entire article about academic research on international dating,but here is the conclusion of Dr. Julia Meszaros after studying the company for several years, attending numerous socials, and interviewing scores of participants. She wrote: “…AFA is a completely legal, legitimate marriage introduction agency....”
Are they all in on the scam? Well, I can assure you if they had discovered it was a worldwide criminal conspiracy they would have gotten tenure faster and sold more books.
Joking aside, the academics are in the best position to determine what AFA's operations and motives are, because they are intelligent, driven, and often spend years studying the company.
AFA Is NOT Perfect
AFA has problems. Their letter system is loaded with issues, but it also allows men to contact women they could never meet otherwise. I have discussed these issues in scores of posts.
And, unlike any of the large dating apps, AFA does vet its women. That is incredibly rare, because most dating apps are loaded with fake profiles and bots.
A few years ago Ashley Madison's female profiles were over 99% fake, and most studies find at least 10% of profiles on the big domestic apps are fake. The owner of one small app, Findmate, who spends a lot of time vetting profiles claims about 75-80% of profiles he receives from the main international dating countries are from sophisticated scammer gangs.
So, AFA does try to vet everyone, but it cannot see into a woman's heart. Yes, she could just lie to them throughout the process about her intentions, and guess what? Even the CIA and MI-5 have failed to catch every bad apple and they really vet their applicants. Some liars get through. That's life.
Evaluate The Evidence Yourself
I purposely leave up posts, because Reddit is FULL of power crazy mods who delete everyone who disagrees with them and bans many users regularly. I have been banned many times and I find it incredibly annoying, so I almost never ban anyone and rarely remove comments.
I am trying to encourage guys to do their own research and decide for themselves what is best. So, take a look at the evidence and decide for yourself what you believe is the best approach.
Best Wishes!

I'm testing this July first time and I am getting really worried. My FL scores are as follows:
Blueprint Diagnostic Exam (taken last January): 483 AAMC Full Length 1 (March 2024): 480 AAMC Full Length 2 (March 2024): 484 Blueprint Full Length 1 (May 2024): 490 Blueprint Full Length 2 (May 2024): 495
I still have a lot of AAMC Q pack and secrion bank questions to go through (and 2 more AAMC and 2 more BP FLs). Before getting to those, I decided to spend a couple of weeks revisiting content. Also, I have the 4000 BP Q pack w/ AI (came with exams).
I'm 67% through the Miledown deck.
I only got through about 24% of UWorld before it expired for me (school at the time). Don't know if I should spend another $300 to work through the rest. I've been studying for what feels like an eternity and I am feeling a little lost on how else to raise my score.
I'm not giving up on this test. I know I need to do better, and I WANT to do better. Thoughts anyone???

[CW: talk of ableism and trauma]
——————————-
TL;DR: My dad said to my mom when I took out my new fidget toy after a fairly traumatic day: “he’s (not my preferred pronouns) just going into ‘Autistic Mode’”. He said that he would look into group homes tomorrow again because I “treat them like shit”. I shut down around them, and have been doing so for at least a week or more. I don’t have a job, freshly graduated from college as of December, and I have been struggling to get interviews. I have been using my university’s career services and got accepted into Vocational Rehab, but my parents keep threatening to kick me out of the house and be done with me.
——————————
For reference, I am highly confident I am Autistic and ADHD, but I have not been officially diagnosed. I have a referral and am in the process. My med manager is treating me with non-stimulants which work well and have increased executive function. I have also been exploring my being queer over the last few years, but only recently tried to explain to my parents in totality last November.
I knew they are queerphobic, and I knew that I annoy / upset them when I don’t talk and engage, and that when I talk it’s too much and not about the right thing. I just wanted to believe I was wrong. I wanted to believe I was reading into things because I’ve had so many past experiences where what I felt and what I thought turned out to be false. And they say they love me, and they love me so much that they hate to see me in pain, and so I wanted to believe that it’s true.
The last few days have been hard. My parents had family friends over (that have known me since I was a baby, and they have two adult children that didn’t come this round) for memorial day weekend from out of state. Since seeing the friends last, I have been doing a lot of self-discovery and further accepting the queer parts of myself. I hadn’t been planning to change my name, until by happenstance I found one online that I wanted to be mine due to it's simplicity and androgynous nature. But my parents (and my brother, though he has trans friends) have not been supportive. I just thought they raised me and gave me a name they picked out and so didn’t want to use a new one. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s something.
But they have made it clear in past conversations that it would be unfair for me to tell family friends and extended relatives. And so I spent all of last week before the weekend trying to debate whether I should tell the family friends that were coming over in a text message before they arrived. I tried to summon the courage, but I ended up not doing that. So when I first saw them, I shut down when their first words were “Hey, ”. I decided that I would make myself scarce because I knew I would just keep shutting down and having trouble speaking with them. Literally, it would be the same as with my parents where either the words don’t come or I don’t have the energy to get them past my throat.
So, I tried to be polite when I saw them and just didn’t engage in extensive conversation. When they left, my dad told me I was rude and selfish, and that I need to write them a letter to apologize. I ended up sending them a text today to apologize (didn't explain everything), but I didn’t want to send a letter because I am tired of using my dead name, and I would need to sign it.
I have been trying to avoid my parents even though we live in the same house because I don’t have a job yet. I recently graduated from college in December, but I have not been able to get interviews. I have been making use of my university’s career services and made appointments with the head of engineering to make my resume more appealing in terms of software engineering. I graduated with Interdisciplinary Studies focusing on Computer Science, Creative Writing, and Linguistics. I just want a job right now, and computer jobs pay well. I am hoping to figure out something beneficial in Creative Writing later, maybe Ghost Writing or something that might pay better than that. I also got accepted to use Vocational Rehab, and so I have been working with them.
But, since I am avoiding my parents, they believe I am trying to make it clear that I hate them. They consistently say that I “treat them like shit” and I am “lazy and just want an easy life”. Today has been a hard day after all the turmoil over the last week, and so I have had very little energy. I thought I could be experiencing depression, but I know what that feels like and where it leads. I am not there yet. So, I think the best word to describe it is probably dejected. Like the people who are constantly in my life don’t want me. In the late afternoon, I decided I didn’t just want to sit up in my room anymore, so I drove down to my bookstore to browse, and then checked to see if I could refill my meds. I had about an hour where I started feeling happy and enjoying myself, especially being able to browse the books and look at the descriptions on the back and recording the ones I want to read for later.
When I got home for dinner so my parents didn’t get mad, it was like all that happiness disappeared the moment I saw them. I could not move my face even if I wanted to, to pretend like I was cheery and all right. We got dinner out, and then I sat down. The counselor I like seeing at career services is also an ADHDer. I saw her last week to go over more plans for jobs, and she showed me the various baskets of stim toys she keeps on her bookshelf to hand out to students. She gave me one that’s a tightly knit, long rectangle and has a small glass ball inside. You squeeze it and the ball moves back and forth.
I haven’t used stim toys much growing up because I thought I was supposed to bear all the frustration and anxiety. But I have been trying to treat myself kinder over the last few months. So, I’ve been taking that stim toy with me, and had it when I went to the bookstore. With dinner set up, my parents were trying to get me to interact and “be better”. Without thinking, I took out the stim toy. My dad said I was going into “Autistic Mode” and that they can’t do anything. He will look at group homes again tomorrow.
…
Up until that moment, I had doubts. I thought that they really were trying to accept me and it was just hard, especially with all the queerness and years of mental health management (since 2019 when I broke down). But over the last month or so, I’ve had various times where I needed to record my mental health history for intake and I started talking about my parents and how I am starting to recognize the gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I have also been trying hard to remember the good moments. But I can't remember a moment where I was showing signs I am clearly Autistic or ADHD, and that they genuinely enjoyed and loved it. Especially as I've gotten older. I remember them expecting me to get good grades in school from the beginning. If it wasn't "A"s they were upset, and if I failed a test they told me to study again and took me down to school to convince the teacher to let me test again. If I couldn't prove I knew the material and the teacher didn't let me retake it, then I was shunned on the way home.
I want so much to be wrong. I want so much for them to be right and that it's me who is abusing them like they say it is. I don't know why--I don't really feel any emotional love for them and I don't think I ever did, I just don't want them to suffer--but if I am the one who's hurting them then maybe I can change and stop. Maybe I can get better and show them love and be nice to them like they deserve. I wouldn't need to make a plan to estrange myself from them when I am on my feet to better take care of myself. I wish it was me.
I don't know why I am writing all of this. You all have your own problems and don't need to load on mine, and I am not going to pretend I have it the worst even just in my own city. I also feel manipulative, like I am only writing the bad parts and that I should try to remember and describe the good parts.
I just don't have anyone I can talk to right now. I have been out of therapy for a few months. I have been on wait lists for more experienced therapists dealing with gender-affirming care, since that has become a bigger problem. I have something scheduled for the middle of next month with a more general therapist and a referral to a specialized therapist as well.
But I just want to talk to someone who understands. I don't have that in my life. When doctors ask me if I have anyone I can just vent to or trust, I can't think of anyone. I have one friend, but since graduating we only meet up once a month. I can share a lot with her and she is supportive, but then I feel like that one meeting is filled with me trying to vent and seek therapy from her. I don't really want more social interaction, but I want to feel like someone sees me, the real me, and they actually like what they see.
I plan to call the suicide hotline tomorrow. Not because I am suicidal, but because I was told I don't need to be suicidal to call. I know my parents will hear me on the phone if I call tonight, and I don't really want to spend a long time writing out the words in a text to the text number to explain everything when the person on the other end might not be able to fully understand, and so they would just tell me what they think I need to hear. But I guess I'd get the same from the phone call.
I don't know how to wrap this up, and it sounds when I read this over like I am quite lucid and therefore being petty by putting this here. I am lucid, but it doesn't really help me feel better. I can't lie to myself anymore; I've been trying so hard to not lie to myself when I spot it. I am sorry for the long rambling and various tangents. I just want to put this somewhere where people might understand.

Hi everyone! I’m an incoming freshman (F17). I applied undecided into the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences. I have a few questions about Villanova. If anyone can answer even one of them it would be a huge help. Reddit seems to be the best forum regarding Nova I can find.

1. CLAS: I know CLAS is gets a bit of a bad rep compared to the business school, engineering school, and nursing school. How significantly does a student feel that on campus?
   
2. ASL: I want to take American Sign Language for my language requirement. I’ve taken Spanish from elementary school to junior year, and it’s always been my worst subject. I can’t take another year of it. Has anyone here taken the ASL course? How was the professor? How difficult is it? If I end up hating it- what is a language you recommend?
   
3. Professors: Please give me any / all teacher recommendations - who to stay away from , who will give me an easy grade , who makes their class borderline impossible with workload and grading , etc.
   
4. Mathematics requirement: I didn’t take any AP/IB classes (my high school doesn’t offer them) but I did take Calculus in my senior year and got a 98.78 in the class (I dropped from AB Calculus and am pretty good at Math). If you are in CLAS - what math did you take? I don’t really understand what some of the options are (discrete math for the social sciences, Mathematics of Fairness, Calculus 1 for Liberal Arts, Calculus 2 for Liberal Arts, Regular Calculus 1, Regular Calculus 2, Logic something or another). First of all if anyone could give me any insights on any of these that would be amazing. Secondly, what is the difference between Calculus for Liberal Arts versus just the normal Calculus? Also, is it worth it to try Calculus 2 even though I didn’t take the AP? Does it matter at all? If I decide to transfer out of Villanova will other colleges care if I take what sounds like bs math courses? What teachers should I try to get for any of these courses?
   
5. Housing: I didn’t apply for Communitas, but I was reading a lot of posts and comments here that said you want to be in the South Campus as a freshmen. I’m also not in the honors program. Which are the best buildings for a freshman. I had to rank my choices in the Housing application and said Good Counsel, St. Katharine, St. Monica’s (I think). But I really didn’t have any information and am kind of scared. Any insights?
   
6. Social Scene: I’m definitely not going to join a sorority. I’ve seen posts here from like the 2000s that say if you are a girl you won’t have trouble getting into parties. Is that still applicable? Also where do people get alc? I have a fake (or should in abt 2 weeks). Are there any go-to bars or convenience stores to bring drinks back to dorms.
   
7. Advice: Any specific tips/recs for succeeding at Nova besides the generic make relationships with your teachers, go to office hours, study, read the syllabus, etc.?
   

Hello, I’m 24 years old and recently I finally understood what had been happening to me all my life, what kind of sensations I experienced and why I didn’t understand much of what people do.
I recently found out that I have Asperger’s syndrome in its pronounced form, and honestly, at first I didn’t understand how my loved ones and those who surrounded me all my life simply didn’t notice this, but then I also learned about this, about masking.
I took a separate masking test, which I think showed a fairly high score, where I had to choose between true or false and there were statements such as:
-I watch my body language and facial expressions to appear relaxed.
-I will repeat phrases that I have heard from others, just as I heard them for the first time.
-In social situations, I feel like I am “performing” rather than being myself.
-In my social interactions, I use behaviors that I have learned from watching other people interact.
-I train my facial expressions and body language to make them look natural.
I noted exactly these questions because this is exactly what I did when I was among people, that is, almost always, I realized that NTs do not do this consciously and it happens naturally to them, I also do not understand human emotions and do not understand when they are shown others, they don't use the resources to do it the way I do it, after which I'm exhausted and need rest.
But now that it’s clear to me what’s wrong with me, I can’t appear in public and can’t leave the room for weeks, it seems to me that people look at me as if I’m naked in the middle of the street. It seems to me that I have lost the mask that I always wore and I don’t understand how to put this mask back on and at the same time I don’t understand whether I want to put it on again, because all the time I wore it I suffered and felt pain. But even without her, it seems to me that I will not be able to live normally.
I think that the word PAIN is more suitable to describe what I am experiencing than the word DISCOMFORT which means that something is wrong but it can be tolerated, in the case of the first word it means that you cannot tolerate it for a long time, which means that you need to stop do what you do. It seems to me that human language is not able to convey what autistic people experience; it seems to be completely unsuited to make another person different from you understand what you are experiencing.
Therefore, it seems to me that isolation is the best way out.