Well, I've heard if Cisco Easter Eggs, but this is a weird one.
I work at a local ISP for my region, and we have one of our employees working on getting the hardware ready for infrastructure upgrades. One of the devices he's working on is a Catalyst 3750.
Well, he sent us a copy of the startup config file and most of it is this strange conspiracy story.
Has anyone seen anything like this before?

POST: CPU MIC register Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC register Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Waiting for Stack Master Election...
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: No Cable found on stack port 1
POST: No Cable found on stack port 2
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Election Complete
Switch 1 booting as Master
Waiting for Port download...Complete
This product contains cryptographic features and is subject to United
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third-party authority to import, export, distribute or use encryption.
Importers, exporters, distributors and users are responsible for
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agree to comply with applicable laws and regulations. If you are unable
to comply with U.S. and local laws, return this product immediately.
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If you require further assistance please contact us by sending email to
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cisco WS-C3750G-12S (PowerPC405) processor (revision R0) with 131072K bytes of memory.
Processor board ID CAT1125ZKHZ
Last reset from power-on
1 Virtual Ethernet interface
12 Gigabit Ethernet interfaces
The password-recovery mechanism is enabled.
512K bytes of flash-simulated non-volatile configuration memory.
Base ethernet MAC Address : 00:1C:B0:2F:D1:00
Motherboard assembly number : 73-9678-07
Power supply part number : 341-0048-03
Motherboard serial number : CAT11255C25
Power supply serial number : LIT11140GE6
Model revision number : R0
Motherboard revision number : B0
Model number : WS-C3750G-12S-E
System serial number : CAT1125ZKHZ
Top Assembly Part Number : 800-26634-04
Top Assembly Revision Number : A0
Version ID : V06
CLEI Code Number : CNM81W0GRB
Hardware Board Revision Number : 0x06
Switch Ports Model SW Version SW Image
* 1 12 WS-C3750G-12S 12.2(55)SE10 C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M
This message serves as a warning to the US government that they cannot get away ^with having their own citizens
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stalked, kidnapped, tortured, brain damaged and murdered by foreign intelligence ^ agencies .
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Request an investigation by the German government and the Council of Europe!
^
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Location of Turkish President Erdogan's illegal black site for terror suspects i ^n G ermany: 48.345941, 12.137753
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Is the CIA stalking and murdering ISIS terror suspects?
^
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Microwave weapons, group stalking and harassment ("gangstalking"), neurotoxins, ^hitmen, an illegal Turkish black site, Delta Force, and an airport kidnapping: A
true story
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QUOTES
^
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"If you were in the US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will ^ commit you to a hospital instead" - Turkish police officer
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"When you get deported to the US, don't piss off the CIA officers like you d ^id with Erdogan (the Turkish president)" - Man at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"The doctors here are trying to protect us from the psychos up at the top" - ^ Woman a t KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"You're lucky that the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have b ^een wors e. The Turks usually don't kill" - Woman at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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NOTES
^
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Anyone with access to Europol or INTERPOL should be able to confirm that the ^ FBI se nt out a request/warning in 2017. You might not be able to view the detai
ls of this request unless you have the right handling code/password
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Nothing shows up for my name when it's searched in Law Enforcement Enterpris ^e Port al (LEEP). This is deliberate as the FBI is hiding my records to cover up
the terrorism investigation and everything else.
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The Federal Criminal Police Office (Bundeskriminalamt) and Bavarian State Po ^lice bo th refuse to start an investigation due to political reasons, despite the
fact that many other people, mostly Turkish citizens, were kidnapped within Ger
many by fake po
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ice and brain damaged at the black site.
^
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I (John Erin Binns / CIA code name RAVEN) have been an ISIS terror suspect since ^ 2017.
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It began when an FBI Confidential Human Source whom I met online (Azaiah Crosswh ^ite / moda) gave my Skype account to his handler. The FBI then sent an administr
ative subpoena to Microsoft and obtained my email address, which I had previousl
y reused on my
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S passport application in 2016. An alert was also sent through the Europol Infor ^mation System to 16 countries in Europe stating that I was a terror suspect.
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On October 11, 2017, Arthur Gong from the US Department of Homeland Security int^errogated me about allegedly travelling to Latakia, Syria while I was waiting to
board a flight from London Heathrow Airport to Chicago Airport. When my plane l
anded in Chicag
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, I was flagged for secondary screening (See Exhibit A) and asked more questions^. My citizen ship was questioned, and the CBP officer got angry after I told him
that not answering his questions doesn't make me inadmissible to the US.
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In early 2018, I left the United States and moved to Turkey. Soon after, strange ^ things s tarted happening to me. Kenneth Currin Schuchman (Nexus Zeta), a dual F
BI/CIA informant who was given a pound of heroin by federal agents to inform on
me, attempted t
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entrap me on child pornography and terrorism charges while I was drunk.
^
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Schuchman tried persuading me into buying Stinger missiles and guns from a Tor w ^ebsite wh ich would be shipped in "xray proof boxes" (those don't even exist) to
my location. When that failed, he tried getting me to open a website which likel
y had exploit c
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de on it (he specifically told me to open it in Chrome) and then told me that he ^ knew of some good "Tor porn sites". When I asked him what type of porn was on t
hese websites, Schuchman replied that they contained child porn.
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Then, Schuchman told me in a call that Dingle/Drake/Logan Shwydiuk was going to ^come to my house and kill me, and asked me what I'd do if he came to my house. I
was drunk at the time, and I told Schuchman that I'd kill Shwydiuk. I suspect t
hat Schuchman w
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s recording this call for the FBI so that they could use it as evidence against ^me in a fabricated terrorism investigation.
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Around this time, I noticed that two Western males wearing white shirts and sung ^lasses wou ld frequently visit an apartment building behind the one I live in.
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Several days after I reported Schuchman to the DEA for selling heroin and right ^after he t ried entrapping me on computer fraud charges, he was indicted in the D
istrict of Alaska.
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That's when the harassment started...
^
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My phone was hacked by Turkish intelligence/MIT using some type of 0-click SMS R ^CE and GPS tracking spyware was planted on it. My phone's GPS feature would turn
on without my consent, and several minutes later, a flash mob of "street thugs"
would be block
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ng the sidewalk and shouting death threats at me. Sometimes, they'd just walk up ^ to me hold ing their cell phone in one hand and screaming death threats at the s
ame time. (Street theateGangstalking)
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I received more death threats than I can count, probably close to 100 from diffe ^rent sta lkers over the course of a few months.
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Now about the Western males: I saw them wearing night vision goggles on several ^occasions, they'd constantly harass me and illegally surveil me on Turkish terri
tory up until I called the police.
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Harassment from CIA contractors:
^
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I woke up and a male was pointing a microwave oven with the door removed at ^my sl eeping body from my neighbor's balcony. I was actually half-awake with my e
yes open and I could see the guy bringing the oven out onto the balcony and plug
ging it into an
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extension cable. Another time, somebody pointed a microwave oven magnetron with ^a metal ho rn at my body to shock me (I saw this as well). The neighbor was on va
cation and the men were not authorized to be in that unit, so they likely broke
in using lockpi
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king equipment.
^
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A red laser pointer was shined into my room using a gun scope from my neighb ^or's first floor unit. I went out onto my balcony and saw a guy doing this. When
the guy saw me, he quickly closed the blinds and started laughing. The unit was
being renovate
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at the time and the men were not authorized to be there.
^
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A microwave weapon was pointed at my head which caused me to black out momen ^taril y and see white flashes of light. The same device would cause me to feel ex
tremely paranoid and make my heart rate speed up. I remember that it had buttons
and a cord. It
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was about the size of a small desktop computer.
^
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Somebody was pointing a laser microphone at my bedroom window from the same ^first f loor unit. I was in a telephone call with someone else, and Azaiah Crossw
hite started repeating parts of this conversation back to me over Snapchat as an
intimidation/g
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slighting tactic. Crosswhite also got private pictures from my bedroom and poste ^d them on h is Snapchat story.
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Window/door slamming: This would happen constantly whenever I was in my bedr ^oom or o ut on my balcony. Sometimes one of the guys would slam a window/door and
microwave me right after it happened.
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Sabotage: The phone lines in my apartment building and the entrance door cab ^le wer e both cut.
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Use of pulsed energy projectile weapons: I saw one of the guys holding a gun ^-shap ed device, when he fired it, a ball of energy came out of the weapon and ma
de the windows in my bedroom shake.
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Information: The microwave weapons that are used by intelligence agencies to ^day co nsist of: a millimeter wave amplifier, a transmitter with extremely low fr
equency amplitude modulation, batteries, and a horn antenna/waveguide. Using dif
ferent modulati
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n frequencies, effects such as tachycardia, panic attacks, epileptic seizures, p ^aranoia, REM sleep can be induced. They are the perfect tool for covert harassme
nt as they leave no trace. See Exhibit B for a picture of a microwave weapon.
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Azaiah Crosswhite would make comments over Discord such as "[the CIA] are going ^to send me a copy of your destruction video", "your name is Cock Sucker", and "y
our code name is RAVEN". He'd also encourage me to murder the people who were ha
rassing me, go
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n a mass shooting spree, or commit suicide.
^
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These are all goals of the government stalking program which I was a victim of, ^according t o an article by Julianne McKinney, who is a former US army intelligen
ce officer and member of the Association of National Security Alumni. See: https
://www.bibliote
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apleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_mindcon28.htm .
^
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I called the police a few days before July 1, 2019. When the officers came, one ^of them s aid that I "talk too much" and that I should "keep [my] mouth shut".
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Then, intense microwave harassment started. I would hear footsteps in the unit a ^bove mine a nd my sleep would be disrupted due to the weapon that Turkish intelli
gence was using on me.
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On July 1, 2019, a man I didn't know started asking me questions such as "If som^ebody was ca ught selling illegal alcohol, what political party would that person
be from?". He also made comments implying that I had been under surveillance by
Turkish intell
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gence for a while, and warned me that the Turkish government had prepared a trap^ for me.
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Several minutes later, an elderly man from my neighborhood named Ozkan came and ^asked me i f I was the "exit/cikis". (exit/cikis is a term for the illegal killin
g of a terrorist by Turkish intelligence). He took me to his apartment and told
me to visit Kon
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k Ferry Station. I went to Bostanli Ferry Station and boarded a ferry to Konak. ^After the ferry started going to Konak, I overheard 3 men in a row near me talki
ng about how they were hired to kill me and that they'd dump my body in the ocea
n because I was
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allegedly an ISIS member.
^
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Once the ferry arrived at Konak, I immediately got a random person to dial 112 a^nd faked hav ing medical problems. An ambulance came to the ferry station, and I
was taken to Alsancak Nevvar Salih Isgoren Hospital. I told the emergency room d
octors that the
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e was nothing wrong with me, they ran my ID card through the emergency room comp ^uter, and my name came up as a wanted terrorist.
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I overheard the doctors talking about the fact that Azaiah Crosswhite's name cam ^e up on t he emergency room computers and that my name was changed to "Cock Sucke
r" in some type of database which they had access to.
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Police lights shined into the emergency room and I heard sirens as around 5 poli ^ce cars came to the hospital along with Turkish intelligence. I was given 2 inje
ctions of haldol, and a guy next to my bed who worked for Turkish intelligence c
alled somebody
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n his cell phone whom he referred to as "Erdogan". Maybe it was the Turkish pres ^ident? I don't know..
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The doctors kept me in the hospital until the next morning and I was then releas ^ed.
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Several days later, I was in Gultepe, Konak, at a relative's house, and people w ^ere firing gunshots into the air while somebody would use a microwave weapon to
make me feel like my head was going to explode. I saw people on a nearby rooftop
, they had guns
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(which they were constantly firing) and camouflage clothing. Whenever I'd get mi^crowaved, my phone would lose cell service and the camera would blur.
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While this was happening, I tried to contact somebody I barely knew who worked a^t the US Dep artment of Justice for help.
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As soon as I had a mental breakdown due to the constant gunfire and microwaving, ^ the gunfir e and microwave attacks immediately stopped. Two street thugs then at
tacked me (I believe that Turkish intelligence paid them money to do this) and p
revented me fro
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going home in a taxi.
^
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I called the police and they came rather quickly. When one of the police officer ^s looked up the information on my ID card through a mobile app on his phone, he
saw something in the police database. I was told by a Turkish police officer: "I
f you were in t
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e US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will take you to a hospita ^l instea d". Fortunately, there were no beds available at the local hospital so I
was allowed to go home in a taxi.
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After I went home, the microwave harassment continued, and I went to Cesme a few ^ days later . The harassment continued there as well.
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I decided that I had to leave the country as the Turkish secret services were ag ^gressive ly pursuing me. On July 6, 2019, I boarded flight PC1019 from Sabiha Gok
cen Airport to Munich Airport. About 30 minutes after my flight took off, I noti
ced that the ma
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e and female in the row behind my seat were talking about me. The female was say ^ing that i t was sad that they had to kill me with a poison needle and that my re
al name wasn't given to them by MIT for security reasons. I immediately notified
a cabin crew m
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mber of their plot, and I was taken to another seat.
^
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The cabin crew member assured me that the German police had been notified, but o ^nce the pla ne landed, she grabbed me by my arm and told me to listen to my mothe
r while warning me not to contact the German police. I believe that she was affi
liated with MIT
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I gave a member of the Bundespolizei (immigration police) a piece of paper expla ^ining tha t I was being harassed with a microwave gun by Turkish intelligence, bu
t I was not given the opportunity to tell the Bundespolizei my full story. A fak
e Bavarian Stat
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Police officer then came and took me past immigration to the police station. I ^was pu t in a cell, and I noticed that all of the "officers" were speaking Turkis
h, ALL of them. I strongly suspect that an insider within the police force let T
urkish intellig
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nce into the station. I don't know if that insider is the commissar or someone e ^lse.
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One of them was calling me stupid in Turkish, and they were all discussing what ^they should do with me. "Ausganging"/killing me was discussed as an option, but
the fake police eventually decided to send me to a mental hospital. I was given
some forms to s
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gn, and I had no idea where I was being taken at the time. I signed the paperwor^k as I didn' t want to get ausganged/killed. I then heard the fake police discuss
ing in Turkish that I was lucky to be going to a mental hospital, as they usuall
y kill ISIS sus
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ects.
^
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A few minutes after I boarded the ambulance, I realized that something was wrong ^. A male and female who were in the ambulance with me started talking about my a
lleged cybercrimes and about somebody named Rosenberg who "wanted blood". Once t
he ambulance ar
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ived at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2 (48.345941, 12.137753), the same fake police ^officer who took me past immigration told the staff to fry my brain with gas and
that I'd then be transported to Anchorage International Airport.
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Then, four Turkish men came and forcibly put me in the neurotoxic gas room (whic ^h doubles a s a suicide watch room). My shoes were taken off (so that I couldn't
break down the door and escape), and a worker activated a metal fan. A gas which
smelled like f
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rmaldehyde then started to come out of the fan. I saw graffiti on the walls of t ^he gas roo m, all of the names that were carved into the walls were Turkish, and
I realized that I was at some type of illegal Turkish black site on German terri
tory. During th
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s time, Turkish intelligence was livestreaming the gas room camera to a group of ^ CIA i nformants (Azaiah Crosswhite, Jared Fazah, Justin Anglin) as a "destructio
n video". Azaiah Crosswhite had previously stated "[the CIA] are going to send m
e a copy of you
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destruction video".
^
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Jared Fazah had taken a $500,000 Bitcoin bribe to sell me out a few days before ^I was kidnap ped, while Justin Anglin is a CIA agent who has previously been to I
ran and other middle eastern countries. They were all talking about the livestre
am in a Discord
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server, sadly I don't have any screenshots as they were mysteriously deleted fro ^m my com puter (it may have been hacked).
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One hour after I was put in the gas room, a staff member came and turned off the^ fan in my r oom. This is the only reason why I don't suffer from brain damage to
day. I was saved by that staff member.
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About 3 hours after I was put in the gas room, I heard a helicopter hovering abo ^ve the fake mental hospital. This helicopter may have belonged to the US militar
y, but at the time I thought it belonged to the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Crimi
nal Police Offi
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e) and that they were coming to save me.
^
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I banged on the door of the gas room and screamed for the police to come and sav ^e me, but nobody came.
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In the early morning hours of July 7, 2019, a Turkish doctor came into the room ^with a f lashlight. She commented aloud in Turkish that "[I] was made to rot". Th
en, a female CIA agent came into the room with my mother while I was pretending
to be mentally
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isabled. The doctors brought me chocolate milk and pizza, and the CIA agent star ^ted talkin g about how I'd be indicted by a grand jury in the District of Alaska
and forced into a plea deal for over 10 years in prison. That I'd be found menta
lly incompetent
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and have no choice but to take the plea deal, sending me to prison for a long ti ^me.
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The CIA agent declined to give my mother her real name and talked about previous ^ly living i n Australia. She had an Eastern European accent and told my mother to
throw away any receipts or evidence indicating that she was in the town of Tauf
kirchen, and to
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keep her cell phone turned off.
^
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The lady also told my mother that a US senator (I don't remember the senator's e ^xact name) wanted to meet with her. In 2018, Kenneth Currin Schuchman had told m
e that "a senator can order the killing of a US citizen in some cases" and told
one of my frien
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s that a US senator wanted to kill me. Nobody believed him back then, including ^me. I sti ll don't know who this senator is or why he wants me killed. (Note: Ken
neth Currin Schuchman has been repeatedly thrown in mental hospitals, and his fa
ther Robert Sch
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chman currently has guardianship over him).
^
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The lady left and I slept for a few hours in the neurotoxic gas room/suicide wat ^ch room. Th en after I woke up, a staff member woke up and unlocked the door. I w
as allowed to leave, and that's when the torture started. An African lady was pl
aying back a re
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ording of me in the gas room on one of the hospital computers and laughing at it^. The same l ady would also play screaming noises and the Turkish word for mental
ly retarded ("gerizekali") over a loudspeaker connected to the computer, and use
a microwave we
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pon which looked like a stereo speaker to give me epileptic seizures. I do remem ^ber that t he weapon was brought to the hospital in a large briefcase by men work
ing for Turkish intelligence.
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I met other people who were being held at the hospital. One lady told me "You're ^ lucky th at the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have been worse.
The Turks usually don't kill". She also claimed to be a spy.
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I borrowed a cell phone from one of the other patients and called the police. On ^ce I told them that I was being held at a fake mental hospital run by the Turkis
h secret services, I was told that I "belonged in [the hospital]" by a German po
lice officer an
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they never responded to my emergency call.
^
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SETUP: new interface Vlan1 placed in "shutdown" state
Press RETURN to get started!
*Mar 1 00:01:17.242: %STACKMGR-4-SWITCH_ADDED: Switch 1 has been ADDED to the stack
*Mar 1 00:01:18.752: %LINEPROTO-5-UPDOWN: Line protocol on Interface Vlan1, changed state to down
*Mar 1 00:01:20.102: %SPANTREE-5-EXTENDED_SYSID: Extended SysId enabled for type vlan
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %PARSER-4-BADCFG: Unexpected end of configuration file.
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %SYS-5-CONFIG_I: Configured from memory by console
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-5-SWITCH_READY: Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01
Switch>
Switch>:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 1 Switch 1 has changed to state DOW N
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 2 Switch 1 has changed to sta te DOWN
*Mar 1 00:01:55.183: %STACKMGR-5-MASTER_READY: Master Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01:55.477: %SYS-5-RESTART: System restarted --
Cisco IOS Software, C3750 Software (C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M), Version 12.2(55)SE10, RELEASE SOFT WARE (fc2)
Technical Support: http://www.cisco.com/techsupport
Copyright (c) 1986-2015 by Cisco Systems, Inc.
Compiled Wed 11-Feb-15 11:40 by prod_rel_team
*Mar 1 00:01:55.511: %SSH-5-ENABLED: SSH 1.99 has been enabled
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PHY-4-SFP_NOT_SUPPORTED: The SFP in Gi1/0/8 is not supported
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/8, putting Gi1/ 0/8 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %GBIC_SECURITY_CRYPT-4-VN_DATA_CRC_ERROR: GBIC in port Gi1/0/12 has bad crc
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/12, putting Gi1 /0/12 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.719: %LINK-5-CHANGED: Interface Vlan1, changed state to administratively dow n
Switch>en
Switch#conft
Translating "conft"...domain server (255.255.255.255)
% Unknown command or computer name, or unable to find computer address
Switch#show run
Building configuration...
Current configuration : 988 bytes
!
version 12.2
no service pad
service timestamps debug datetime msec
service timestamps log datetime msec
no service password-encryption
!
hostname Switch
!
boot-start-marker
boot-end-marker
!
!
!
!
no aaa new-model
switch 1 provision ws-c3750g-12s
system mtu routing 1500
vtp domain Null
vtp mode transparent
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
spanning-tree mode pvst
spanning-tree extend system-id
!
vlan internal allocation policy ascending
!
vlan 61
name fttx
!
!
!
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/1
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/2
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/3
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/4
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/5
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/6
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/7
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/8
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/9
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/10
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/11
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/12
!
interface Vlan1
no ip address
shutdown
!
ip classless
ip http server
ip http secure-server
!
!
!
!
!
line con 0
line vty 5 15
!
end

Warbond Central
Lots of warbond CCU's, ships and paints available at reduced prices!
Buy any 3 upgrades and get further 10% discount!
💥💥CRAZY DEALS💥💥

From	To	Comment	Savings vs RSI	Your Price
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Cutlass Steel		$ 27.50💥	$ 7.50
Freelancer DUR	Vulture		$ 20💥	$ 20
Starfarer Gemini	Hull C		$ 95💥	$ 65
Prowler	Hull D		$ 45💥	$ 65
Prowler	600i Explorer	IAE 2953 (Purple Paint)	Not purchaseable	$ 30💥
F7C-R Hornet Tracker	Prospector	+ Mining Career Kit (Armor + Multitool + Backpack)	$ 7.50	$ 7.50💥

*The above are exempt from the extra 10% discount
Looking for something specific? Ctrl+F and search for it quickly!
💥💥Best in Show💥💥

From	To	Comment	Your Price
Vulcan	Scorpius	IAE 2952 (Red Paint)	$ 50
Cutlass Steel	Mercury	IAE 2952 (Red Paint)	$ 40
MPUV Cargo	C8X Pisces Expedition	IAE 2952 (Red Paint)	$ 25
Aurora LX	C8X Pisces Expedition	IAE 2952 (Red Paint)	$ 25
Prospector	Vulture	IAE 2953 (Purple Paint)	$ 35
Defender	Corsair	IAE 2953 (Purple Paint)	$ 45
Eclipse	Redeemer	IAE 2953 (Purple Paint)	$ 55
Prowler	600i Explorer	IAE 2953 (Purple Paint)	$ 65

Need any upgrades to reach any of those above? - Reach out, I have them available as well.
Special & Warbond CCU's (and other cost-saving CCUs)
Need any upgrades to reach any of those below? - Reach out, I have them available as well.

From	To	Comment	Savings vs RSI	Your Price
Defender	400i	120m Insurance	$ 2.50	$ 27.50
Prowler	600i Explorer	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2023	Not purchaseable	$ 65
Khartu-Al	A1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 27.50
Sabre	A1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 27.50
Orion	A2 Hercules		$ 10	$ 90
RAFT	Ballista		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Constellation Andromeda	Blade		$ 5	$ 30
Scorpius	Blade		$ 5	$ 30
Hawk	C1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 22.50
M50	C1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 22.50
Storm AA	C1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 22.50
Cutlass Black	C1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Freelancer	C1 Spirit		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
MPUV Cargo	C8X Pisces Expedition	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2022	Not purchaseable	$ 25
Aurora LX	C8X Pisces Expedition	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2022	Not purchaseable	$ 25
Hull D	Carrack		$ 10	$ 40
Vanguard Harbinger	Caterpillar		$ 5	$ 35
Vanguard Sentinel	Constellation Aquila		$ 5	$ 35
F7C-M Super Hornet	Constellation Taurus		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Sabre Comet	Constellation Taurus		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Defender	Corsair	120m Insurance,	$ 5	$ 25
Defender	Corsair	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2023	Not purchaseable	$ 45
Reliant Mako	Cutlass Black		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Nova	Cutlass Red	+ Medical Career Kit	Same	$ 15
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Cutlass Steel		$10	$ 30
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Defender		$ 5	$ 20
Vulture	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker			$ 32.50
Cutlass Red	F7C-R Hornet Tracker		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Nova	F7C-S Hornet Ghost		$ 2.50	$ 15
Reliant Mako	Freelancer	+ Cargo Career Kit (Armor + Multitool + Backpack)	Same	$ 15
Cutlass Red	Freelancer MAX		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Reliant Mako	Gladius Valiant		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Orion	Hammerhead		$ 7.50	$ 67.50
Avenger Warlock	Hawk		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Herald	Hawk		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Prowler	Hull C		$ 10	$ 50
Starfarer Gemini	Hull C		$ 65	$ 85
Prowler	Hull D		$ 25	$ 75
F7C-M Super Hornet	Hurricane		$ 5	$ 25
Cutlass Red	Mantis	120m Insurance	$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Cutlass Red	Mantis		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Freelancer DUR	Mantis		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Liberator	Merchantman		$ 5	$ 70
Cutlass Steel	Mercury	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2022	Not purchaseable	$ 40
Cutlass Steel	Mercury		$ 5	$ 20
Vanguard Harbinger	MOLE	120m Insurance	$ 5	$ 20
M2 Hercules	Orion		$ 20	$ 110
Carrack	Perseus		$ 15	$ 60
Perseus	Polaris	120m Insurance	$ 10	$ 65
Ballista	Prospector	+ Mining Career Kit (Armor + Multitool + Backpack)	Same	$ 15
F7C-R Hornet Tracker	Prospector	+ Mining Career Kit (Armor + Multitool + Backpack)	$ 7.50	$ 7.5
C2 Hercules	Prowler		$ 10	$ 30
Cutlass Red	Razor LX	120m Insurance	$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Vanguard Harbinger	Redeemer		$ 5	$ 35
Eclipse	Redeemer	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2023	Not purchaseable	$ 55
Prospector	Retaliator		$ 10	$ 10
Razor	Retaliator		$ 15	$ 15
Mercury	Retaliator	+ Torpedo Modules Bow + Stern		$ 60
Vanguard Warden	Retaliator	+ Torpedo Modules Bow + Stern		$ 60
SRV	Sabre Firebird		$ 5	$ 15
A1 Spirit	San'tok.yāi	120m Insurance	$ 10	$ 30
Hurricane	San'tok.yāi		$ 5	$ 25
Hurricane	Scorpius		$ 5	$ 25
Vulcan	Scorpius	120m Insurance	$ 10	$ 25
Vulcan	Scorpius	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2022	Not purchaseable	$ 50
A1 Spirit	Scorpius Antares		$ 5	$ 25
Constellation Taurus	Scorpius Antares		$ 5	$ 25
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Scorpius Antares		$ 5	$ 35
Razor	SRV		$ 5	$ 15
MOLE	Starfarer Gemini		$ 5	$ 20
Arrow	Storm		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Cyclone MT	Storm		$ 2.50	$ 12.50
Starfarer Gemini	Valkyrie		$ 5	$ 30
Mercury	Vanguard Harbinger		$ 5	$ 25
Vanguard Warden	Vanguard Harbinger		$ 5	$ 25
Retaliator	Vanguard Harbinger		$ 50	$ 65
Corsair	Vanguard Sentinel		$ 2.50	$ 22.50
400i	Vanguard Sentinel		$ 2.50	$ 22.50
F7C-M Super Hornet MK I	Vulcan	120m Insurance	$ 2.50	$ 17.50
F7C-S Hornet Ghost	Vulture	120m Insurance	$ 2.50	$ 32.50
Cutlass Red	Vulture		$ 5	$ 35
Freelancer DUR	Vulture		$ 5	$ 35
Prospector	Vulture	120m Insurance, Best in Show 2023	Not purchaseable	$ 35
Prospector	Vulture	+ Salvage Career Kit (Armor + Multitool + Backpack)	Same	$ 20
RAFT	Vulture		$ 7.50	$ 42.50
Razor	Vulture		$ 5	$ 25
C8X Pisces Expedition	X1 Force		$ 1	$ 9

Need any upgrades to reach any of those above ? - Reach out, I have them available as well.
Original Concepts
Standalone Ships:

Ship	Comment	Your Price
Pioneer	120 Months	$1100
Orion	LTI OC	$995
Starfarer	LTI OC	$290
Starfarer Gemini	LTI OC	$355
Banu Defender	LTI OC	$220
Caterpillar	LTI OC	$375
Freelancer	LTI OC	$130
Endeavor Discovery-Class	LTI OC	$675

CCU'd Ships (LTI):I can do all ships just reach out - the few below just reflects a few examples.

Ship	Comment	Your Price
400i		$215
600i Explorer		$415
A2 Hercules		$545
Apollo Triage		$215
Ares Inferno		$215
Ares Ion		$215
Blade		$235
Corsair		$225
Crucible		$285
Endeavor		$305
Hammerhead		$525
Hull C		$405
Merchantman		$455
Mercury		$225
Nautilus		$525
Polaris		$545
Scorpius		$205
Vanguard Warden		$225

All ships available - so just reach out for a price regarding anything else
Endeavor Components

Components	Comment	Your Price
Telescope Array Pod	LTI	$200

Add-ons

Paints	Comment	Your Price
Invictus Paints	All of them available	ASK
Lovestruck Paints	All of them available	ASK
Fortuna Paints	All of them available	ASK
Auspicious Red Paints	All of them available	ASK
Skull and Crossbones	Cutlass Black Pirate Paint	ASK
Meridian Paints	All except 400i	ASK
Concierge Paints	Most of them	ASK

Before you reach out please beware that:
* I only trade with Verified accounts and PayPal verified people
* You have to PM me to initiate trading. Please do comment with PMd in the comments
* I will send out a PayPal Invoice after an agreement has been made in dollars ($), I pay the fees
* The gift will be sent after payment is received
* I expect us both to verify the exchange afterwards with +trade/+verify (currently down)
Let me know if you are searching for something specific - because i might have it. Backer since 2014.

I was a damaged person. But I was on the mend.
I had a pretty traumatic break up with my childhood best friend, turned girlfriend. I had known her since we were 8 years old. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend since we were 13 and had been so for 9 years until my junior year of college when she cheated on me in a very cruel way. It came to light that she had cheated on me many times before as well.
I loved her so god damn much! I thought we were one of those stories where two souls were knitted together from eternity to eternity, or some hallmark card bullshit like that.
I was emotionally shattered and it took me a while until one day about 2 years later, I woke up and thought about her, but then realized that I hadn't thought about her at all the previous day. It was glorious and I knew then that I was on the mend. After that, my healing process sort of exponentially snowballed and I was back in the saddle as far as relationships went. I started going on dates and meeting up with women.
I was a software engineer working for a large corporation. Because I was good at my job, and because I didn't have a family, I was given the opportunity to move to Singapore and lead a project there for what would be a couple of years but turned out to be 7 years.
The great thing about Singapore is that they speak the "King's English" when they're not speaking "Singlish" (a patois of mostly English with funky grammar, but with Malay, Chinese, and Hindi thrown in). So I didn't have to learn a whole new language to fit in. I just had to learn how to translate Singlish to English, which wasn't too hard after a couple of months of trying. I even learned the lingo and it would amuse my coworkers a whole lot when I spoke Singlish. They thought it was hilarious.
I was a good looking guy (still am!!) but I really let myself go in my depression. I was a tall, muscular 210 pounds when I broke up with my ex, but I had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. I started a workout regimen and lost it all but the workout regimen became sort of an obsession. It was the one thing that grounded me. After I went to Singapore, one of my business perks was a gym membership at "Fitness First", a local gym franchise. I was down to my previous weight, but I had to practically camp out at the gym because the best thing about Singapore is the FOOD. The food is incredible! However, you WILL pack on the weight if you don't get your ass to the gym.
The meet cute
I was working out one day much later than normal due to some overtime on my project and I saw a girl on a treadmill. The treadmill was the one I usually use because it was in the back and kind of out of the way. The girl was stunning! The thing that stuck out to me was that she was had her hair in a pony tail through a ball cap, which is a look I find very attractive. I was a little nervous because, even though I was fairly confident about the way I look, I was definitely batting out of my league with this girl.
I went to her and chatted her up after she got off of the treadmill. She didn't look me in the eye and didn't really engage. I figured that I had acted like what is now known as a "gym creep" and I figured it was a "swing and a miss!" I apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore. I stuck out my hand and said "I'm OP, by the way. What's your name?"
She hesitated and looked at me for a bit and said "Lilly" (not her real name).
I remember this exactly because she later said that it was what intrigued her about me. At the time, she was an actress/model who had done some print/public billboard type ads, product demo booths at expos, and even a bit part in a local tv (Mediacorp) series. She had started to attract public attention because of these (mainly the TV show and the ads that were hanging all around town at that time) not just from men but from women too and it was super uncomfortable for her.
The fact that I had no idea who she was relaxed her and made her think that I was attracted to her for her and not because her face was everywhere at the time. After she told me about it, I did notice her face everywhere. But photoshop was a thing even back then, so I didn't recognize her from her ads and I really don't look at ads, tuning them out. I also didn't watch her TV show because it was in Mandarin Chinese and I don't speak or understand any Chinese, and I wasn't in a position where I was required to attend or arrange trade shows.
In the years prior to meeting me, Lilly had undergone a lot of plastic surgery (breast, eyelid, facial contouring, nose job, lipo, etc). She said it got to where she didn't recognize herself in the mirror and it disturbed and depressed her. She hadn't particularly wanted the surgery but she got the procedures done at the behest of her family who wanted her to bring in more money and the people in charge of her career development (don't know the term). It was all very expensive and she felt like she owed her family and the talent people who managed her.
Later, I found out that she hated the public recognition. Not just from men, but mostly from women who were really catty about her plastic surgery. The people in charge of her were pushing her to start singing but she didn't have a good voice and would need a bunch of training for that. She was depressed due to not recognizing herself in the mirror any more and didn't want to follow the career track that she had been on. They were pushing her to do more figure/body modeling which was why she was in the gym. She was SUPER uncomfortable with that and constantly hungry and pissed off.
She was afraid that she would do some more modeling and then get married off by her parents to some rich mainland Chinese man that she would be ambivalent about (she preferred Caucasian men) and she'd be forced to be a traditional pampered Chinese wife living in Beijing.(Doesn't sound that bad to me. Some of those Chinese businessmen live crazy luxurious lifestyles.
Since I was working a lot of overtime, I kept going to the gym later at night and we saw each other and I would wave and smile and she would smile and wave back. OK I was kinda hoping to meet her regularly. I spotted her on a couple of exercises and we began to chat with each other a bit. A couple of times I had to steady her because she was fainting from being hungry and working out at the same time. I used that as an excuse to take her out to a hawker center, which like a mall food court but with delicious local food (not chain restaurants). We chatted and got along really well. It became a regular thing until I confessed I had a crush on her. We started dating after that until it got to a point where she practically moved into my place.
She, of course, had her share of guys interested in her. She was on livejournal at the time (remember livejournal??) and she was doing that and posting pictures of herself for her career mostly, but I'm sure she did enjoy the attention. She had one guy from Belgium who was really after her. He actually bought her 800 thread count sheets, which is an oddly practical but vaguely inappropriate gift. He actually visited Singapore on business (he was a tech sales guy) and wanted to meet up with her in a public place, a hawker center. I still had trust issues from my previous "love of my life" betraying me. To this day, I cringe at my behavior at the time, but I laid down a clear boundary. She could absolutely go see and hang out with this guy if she wanted to, but if she did, she'd be doing it as a single available girl and we would be through. She said she saw my face "turn to stone" and it was clear that she would lose me if she went to meet up with that guy. That honestly gave her pause about our relationship and she really considered ending it at the time. I didn't know that until much later, though. Certainly, I'm glad that she didn't. She didn't go meet up with the guy. To this day, we call the incident "The Belgian Waffle". OK so I call it that, she thinks it's stupid.
Meeting her family
Eventually, Lilly asked if I could have dinner with her parents, saying that they wanted to meet me. I bought some gifts, basically Japanese cookies in really nice packaging, and then we met. I did the traditional thing and formally introduced myself and asked them about their family and history.
At the time, Lilly got some criticism from her extended family because I am a white guy. There was a certain stigma attached to local girls who liked white guys. They called those girls "SPGs" which stands for "Sarong Party Girls", a derogatory name for the prostitutes who would entertain British expats at after hours parties "back in the day".
Over the next few months, I won over her family mainly by eating their food and being accepting of their culture. I grew up in Texas, so pickled jalapenos were common in my house...like salt and pepper, we put them on everything. Later on, I was the kind of guy who put tabasco or sriracha on everything. So eating their spicy food was no problem for me. I remember us both going shopping at an open air market and seeing an older woman cutting up cili padi. I asked if I could try some. She looked at my pale face and then at Lilly and she said I could. I bit into one and chewed it up as the woman looked at me with an amused look on her face. She was waiting for me to jump up and down with fire shooting out of my mouth, I guess. I disappointed her, but she and Lilly were impressed. She later told her mother and she was impressed too. She wanted me to eat one for her as well. Oh well, trained monkey time I guess.
The real test came when I tried Durian for the first time. This is the same food that "defeated" Andrew Zimmern, the "Bizarre Foods" guy. I actually liked it. I had a D24 durian, which admittedly is like the "beginner version" of durians. There are like 16 different types. When you get past the smell and actually taste it, it doesn't smell that bad any more. It's very sweet and creamy. It's like the taste overwrites your disgust of the smell. I think that's what really impressed them to an extreme degree. They started calling me an "egg", because I was "white on the outside but yellow on the inside."
I would visit her grandmother with her. In true Chinese fashion, Lilly and her brother Johnny were raised by their paternal grandparents while their parents worked full time jobs, so her grandmother was like her mom. She was in an elder care facility at this point, though. She didn't like living there, but it was all they could afford. We would visit her every week and she'd be very happy. She didn't speak any English at all so she and Lilly would just chat speaking Hokkien Chinese while her grandmother would pet my hairy forearms like I was a dog. She was absolutely smitten with my hairy forearms.
Meeting my family
After a little over a year, I took her back to Texas to meet my family. It was quite the culture shock. Lilly was amazed by red barns and hay bales, black and white Holstein cows, things she saw in movies about the USA. She particularly was impressed by the cluster mailboxes lined up on country roads ("So cute, leh!") We actually had to stop the car and take pictures of her standing next to them, smiling goofily for the photo. I made sure to take her to the Texas hill country during spring, when the hills are covered with soft green grass and festooned with bluebonnets, sunflowers, indian paintbrushes, black eyed susans, daisies, etc. I had to practically hold her down to keep her from picking them. It's not illegal or anything, it's just frowned upon and tradition to leave them alone. OK, I let her pick some. Give me a break, I was in love with the girl.
Driving was also something that kind of boggled her mind. Texas is huge, and traveling from my parents' place to visit my brothers and their families was a seemingly endless trek. Driving from Houston to Austin, to Corpus Christi was crazy long, even with the stops to visit my relatives.
Lilly was practically agoraphobic at the big sky in Texas. She was used to being in a forest of tall concrete and steel buildings, with only strips of blue sky available at the top. In Texas that sky went from horizon to horizon. She was also amazed at the uncountable numbers of stars at night away from the city lights. She later told me it was like visiting Narnia or something.
In Texas, she got her share of looks from guys, especially in the bigger cities. I wasn't jealous. I've never been a jealous guy, although my experience with my ex "love of my life" really put my radar up, I still was proud that other guys were attracted to her. My attitude was "go ahead and eat your hearts out, she's with me!"
When she met my oldest brother, it was like a cultural thing with her, so she was very deferential and respectful. I knew that my oldest brother was attracted to her because he was stumbling and stuttering when he was speaking to her, looking at her but kind of avoiding looking at her. I wasn't too concerned because he was a married guy with 2 sons and not a scumbag, but it was still pretty amusing to see "Mr. Smooth-don't-let-em-know-you-want-em-kid" at a loss for words.
My parents met Lilly finally (she was super nervous but she did really well) and later my mom brought me aside and asked me if she should re-set her mother's diamond engagement ring. I thought about it a bit, and then told her "yes". My mom's eyes started sparkling with images of unborn grandchildren and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile (kind of unsettling actually). My dad later brought me aside and basically told me I couldn't do any better and I would be a "god damn fool" if I let her get away from me. I agreed. My dad then told me something that remains with me to this day: "She will make your life sparkle, son." (she has).
Before our time in the US was up my mom gave me the ring and I asked Lilly to be my wife in a field of wildflowers, which had become her favorite place to be in Texas. She said yes. Looking back, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was up there with losing my virginity to "the love of my life" (who turned out to be a duplicitous crazy person but at the time it was really special), my wedding day to Lilly, and the births of our children.
The Engagement
When we got back to Singapore we had to pretend we weren't engaged because I had to ask her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. I spoke with them and explained how my prospects in my career were good. I told them that I loved their daughter and that my family also loved their daughter. We had to schedule a phone call between my parents and her parents.
I had clued my parents in as far as the traditions go. In Chinese culture, the groom pays for the wedding rather than the bride. The groom also has to give the bride's parents certain auspicious gifts. My parents luckily had done a tour of China a few years before and knew all of this beforehand, having befriended their local tour guide who was saving up money for his own wedding at the time. On the call, they agreed upon a pinjin, which is basically "betrothal money". We started to plan the Guo Da Li ceremony which would take place in 3 months time, and 3 months before the wedding.
Unfortunately life threw us a curve ball and Lilly's grandmother died. It was bittersweet because, while Lilly missed her, her grandmother had become very old and infirm to the point where her quality of life was pretty low. All wedding stuff was put on hiatus until the funeral was over plus 100 days for mourning.
After that, we were able to do the Guo Da Li ceremony. I gave my future in laws a red packet of money plus special cakes and 12 mandarin oranges and gold jewelry. It all went very well.
Wedding planning started in earnest. I got some money from my dad (who insisted) but the lion's share was out of my pocket. During this process I was able to meet some incredible people. The stand outs were Richard and Jimmy. Rich and Jimmy were tailors and dressmakers. They were a couple and they gave my fiancée a really good deal on a wedding dress and cocktail dress if she agreed to do some print modeling for their business. They also made me a tuxedo and a suit. I offered to model for them as well and we all had a good laugh at that prospect (OK they were doing most of the laughing - ego still hurts from that one, guys).
The venue we were using was Chijmes. It's the same one used in the move "Crazy Rich Asians". It was back when they had first started offering it up as a venue so it wasn't crazy expensive at the time. Plus, it was a smaller venue for weddings. Usually weddings are held in large hotel ballrooms and are huge affairs (this is what I was told). The families both invite everyone they've ever met to come: Neighbors, business contacts, everyone. They all bring red packets filled with cash. We opted for the "small" wedding.
The Bachelor Party
We had planned bachelobachelorette parties on the same night (separate venues). Lilly's MOH threw hers while Rich and Jimmy threw mine. My best man was my dad (because he's the best man that I know) and so cigars and brandy would have been disappointing to my work friends and my future brother in law and cousins. I don't think anyone was prepared for what happened.
We had the party at the sushi restaurant of a friend of Rich and Jimmy's. It was after hours. We had some incredible sashimi and rolls. I even tried fish sperm. Didn't like it. I asked Jimmy are you sure it's FISH, sperm?? He said of course he'd never do that to me. To be fair, it did taste and smell very fishy. I don't know how human sperm tastes like (or maybe I do now, I don't know).
After the sushi was done, it was time for the entertainment, and oh boy. Rich and Jimmy hired a trans entertainer who sang show tunes. The thing is, she had an incredible voice. She was obviously biologically male, but she really carried herself with a lot more femininity than I've seen from biological women. She sang and told jokes and roasted me pretty thoroughly. My dad was there and he thought it was funny as hell. My friends from work, especially the Aussies and Brits, thought it was great, my future BIL and most of my future cousins did too. Other cousins politely excused themselves and left. I think the free flowing booze and beer kept most people there, though.
After her thoroughly entertaining performance, it was time for the dancers. This is kind of where it went off the rails. Rich and Jimmy hired exotic dancers...but they were all male or trans. Now, to be fair, it wasn't like they didn't tell me about it beforehand. They did. Personally, I thought it would be hilarious to announce that the strippers were here and then have male dancers come out. I have a twisted sense of humor, I suppose. I certainly wasn't going to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the world mere weeks before our wedding, so prostitutes and female dancers were completely out of the question for me. They jokingly suggested male dancers it and we laughed. I thought about it a bit and I guess I'm "take-the-joke-too-far" guy so I encouraged it. Lilly knew about it and thought it was funny as well and wanted me to video tape it while it happened. ("Yeah right you just want to ogle the dancers" "Of course, lah!")
What I wasn't prepared for was the PLATOON of banana hammocks that marched out into the restaurant. Smooth greased up Asian chests everywhere! My dad was of course shocked at first and then looked at me and we started laughing and the ridiculousness of it. My dad stood up and clapped his hand on my shoulder and put a mock serious look on his face. The people immediately around me witnessed my dad telling me that he loved me and accepted my life style choice and that nothing I could say or do would ever change the fact that he and mom loved me and accepted me. Thanks, dad. I was laughing during the whole thing and my future BIL and work buddies who were around me were laughing as well. My dad excused himself and said he had to go find my mom and tell her the "bad news about her future grandchildren" and left ("Can adopt, lah! Can surrogate, meh!" Thanks for the support, guys). My future BIL laughed and said that since all of the available male dancers were at my party, there were none available to attend his sister's party, so she was "safe".
Among the highlights of the evening is that I discovered that a few of my co-workers and future cousins were in fact gay. I was told to stay out of the ladies' room no matter what. I wasn't planning on going in but thanks for the warning. I was proud that we all only vomited in the trash cans and not on the floor (what a waste of some damn good sushi....and fish sperm). Rich and Jimmy stayed next to each other all night. I even saw them holding hands and looking at each other lovingly. To my shame, I was under the common misconception that all gay men were very promiscuous and I kind of expected them to pair off with the dancers. What I saw that night was a very loving monogamous relationship.
The Wedding Day
The day of the wedding came a few days later and I had the good fortune of being the first one in my family to experience the fun and interesting experience of a groom going through a Chinese-style wedding. I say "Chinese-style" because while we did do a lot of the traditions from a Chinese wedding, we did say vows to God before a Christian minister. This was something she insisted on as her family had converted from Taoism to Christianity (but still kept the Taoist traditions and festivals).
First up was the gatecrash. I went over to the her family's apartment and the MOH and bridesmaids stood at the door refusing to let me in unless I gave them $9999.00. Nine is a significant symbol to them. It means "longevity" I think. So the whole idea is for me to haggle the price down by doing challenges and games. I had to do a handstand and walk with my hands. I had to answer trivia questions ("What is her nickname for you?" "Cranky old man" "What is your nickname for her?" "Baby"). BIL and I had to do "the worm". I haggled them down to $99 which I paid to them in a red packet. My BIL and wife chided me for not going lower but my dad was there and was in his 70s and couldn't do any feats of strength.
After I "secured" my bride, we did the traditional tea ceremony with her parents and my parents. Lilly was dressed in a traditional red silk qipao, tailor made by Rich and Jimmy. I gotta tell you people, the qipao really does it for me! Not gonna lie, it was like cupid gut punched me when I saw her dressed in it . My parents were pretty stoic throughout but my mom sympathy cried with Lilly's parents when she tearfully did the tea ceremony with her mother and father. We received red packets from each set of parents. I was told the red packet her parents gave us had most of the bride price we paid in it. Her mom gave her her grandmother's jeweled antique watch and my mom gave her a sapphire ring (sapphire is my birth stone). As we left her home to go to Chijmes, I told her "we're keeping that dress, understand me??" She laughed.
We got to Chijmes, did the photos and she walked down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a small train behind it with sequins on it. My dad gave me the ring. He was my best man. He was my best man because he's the best man I know. After the wedding, she changed into a champagne colored strapless cocktail dress another Rich and Jimmy original. THREE wardrobe changes, people! THREE! All with different hair and make up and she did it super quick. I don't know what wizardry was invoked but we may be indebted to the hoary netherworld.
We honeymooned at the Fullerton Hotel. The old British colonial Post Office was converted to a luxury hotel in 2001. We stayed there for 3 days ordering overpriced room service ("Go to hawker center, lah! Much cheaper better food, meh!).
Emigration and Immigration
So a little bit before this time, a little event happened in New York. You might have heard about it. Anyway because some sexually repressed incels decided to murder thousands of people, USA's immigration was all jacked up. The INS went bye-bye. Then we had the BCIS for a brief moment, followed by the USCIS. I saw that my project was ending and my company helped me with her immigration. It was a pain, though. It seems like we had new forms to fill out every week while the old ones became obsolete. That's how I remember it, anyway. It was a pretty frustrating time and I almost had to leave her behind (it wouldn't have been permanent but it would be a long time). Luckily we were able to make it time.
For explanation purposes, we didn't get LEGALLY married in Singapore. We had the religious ceremony but no "government contracts" were involved. This is because, at that time at least, it was easier to bring over a fiancée than a wife, for some reason. So Lilly was a "90 Day Fiancée"!! We got married at the county courthouse when we finally were able to go to my new project. We didn't wait 90 days. We did in three (jet lag).
Unfortunately for her, we moved from Singapore, a 24 hour international class city, to a sleepy seaside town in the USA near a military base. Lots of fun was had with that. A total fish out of water story for another time (What is this "coin laundry"? Do you Americans have a place to wash your coins?).
My BIL got married to a beautiful girl and moved to Australia and opened a Bait and Tackle store in Surfer's Paradise on the east coast of Australia. He has 2 daughters. In 2012 he was caught cheating on his wife and lost everything. She moved back to Singapore with his kids, and he kind of struggled for a while. He got another bait and tackle store eventually and tries to see his daughters whenever he can. They don't have a good relationship.
Rich and Jimmy celebrated the decriminalization of homosexuality in Singapore in 2022, but they still can't get married. We still talk from time to time. Writing this, I find myself missing them. I had some really fun times because of them. I've never had better conversations in Singapore than with them while at Lilly's dress fittings (and my suit fittings).
We have been married for 21 years. She has never given up being a Singaporean citizen. She keeps her passport current. She's a "permanent resident" here in the USA. We have three kids, two boys and a girl. We are still married. She still wears her hair in a pony tail with a ball cap when she works out. She still wears that qipao on special occasions, which I try to achieve as often as possible. She's still my Baby and I'm still her Cranky Old Man.
Thanks for reading.

I am not sure what has happened in the recent meta, but most ranked games when I pick Samira tend to devolve into the enemy team going full crowd control with a Xayah or Kalista as a mobile adc who either have good peel or have good cc (Xayah). One-shot builds with Viego or Lillia have also become more common to either counter all the cc or to capitalize from good early-game performance.
As a Samira main who needs good sustain to be able to get lots of damage in with my ult while also diving into the enemy center, These two meta developments have become a nightmare.
The top-ranked builds are too squishy and too reliant on support to be able to perform properly. So I made my own build and it has so far hard carried matches with good opponents and incompetent supports. Basically my build trades early game burst with extremely good sustain in the late game.
The build is
gluttonous boots (First boot: Buy asap for lifesteal sustain)
The Collector (First item: Good for getting kills early and snowballing)
Immortal Shield Bow/ Quicksilver Sash ( 2nd item/ Final boot: Depends on game state: If winning go shield bow for lifesteal and shield, if losing and enemy has heavy cc go quicksilver)
Randuin's omen (3rd item: grants heal, anti crit and reduced enemy atk speed. pretty good for when your team is losing and if you need to survive the cracked atk speed of enemy adc)
Black cleaver (4th item: Yes I know ranged gets a reduction, but with the tank cc meta nowadays its better than building a damage item that will get heavily negated by the enemy god tier support or the broken tank items running around nowadays)
Sterak's Gage (last item: grants shield and anti cc when lifeline is triggered)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All these make sure Xayah or Kalista players cant burst you down as fast and wth Steraks and quicksilver sash you get shield and quick peel from enemy cc. With all the hp you are getting you will survive long enough to press ult on enemy center while preventing one shot builds from killing you
Surprisingly it does very good damage late game and can beat most fed adc's except for Kalista because she can just run away. In that case run away from her and make her chase with the hope she will get caught in your dash range or to lure her to your own support or whoever can keep her down long enough for you to unleash damage.
Because you have lots of hp, healing, shield, anti-cc and debuffs to enemy attack speed, you can live long enough even without support and never again will a Darius pull combo take away half your hp. Also with such high sustain even if enemy adc builds anti heal, you are not as reliant on life steal as opposed to the traditional bloodthirster builds so it is more difficult to counter you that way
Beyond that, just play safe and don't be dumb. This build wont save you from 5 ults. This is more of a fighter build than the regular adc build so being aggressive is a bit recommended, you are not a squishmellow and can take a few hits before you go down. Though I recommend playing as a adc until your team gets some good cc on enemy team which is our opportunity to be the aggressive fighter adrenaline junkie you want to be.
If there are any Samira mains here, pls rate my build or try it out. Im open to comments and would love to see what you guys have to say

This has got to be one of my all time favourite Lady Gaga songs and songs in general. I believe it wasn’t released as an official single so just curious as to how many know of it. If you don’t you need to listen! Such a beautiful song and symbolic of her dark hair, lollapalooza pre-fame era. The lyrics and melody are great, but the way her voice comes into the background towards the end is my favourite part, so creative.

If you would like to buy, please check my thread on /gamesale.
  Photos upon request.
 

Storage Solutions	Condition
Thin Jewel Case for CD/DVD/Blu-Ray	New. Clear front, black back
Standard Jewel Case for CD/DVD/Blu-Ray	New. Clear front and back
Genesis/Famicom Retro Protection	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
Super Famicom Cartridge Retro Protection	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
SNES Cartridge Retro Protection	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
NES Cartridge Retro Protection	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector

 

amiibo	Condition
Tears of the Kingdom Link	Loose
Ocarina of Time Link	Loose
Majora's Mask Link	Loose
Smash Bros. Link	Loose
Skyward Sword Link	Loose
Zelda & Loftwing	Loose
Wind Waker Link	Loose
Wind Waker Zelda	Loose
Twilight Princess Link	Loose
Wolf Link and Midna	Loose
Callie	Loose
Marie	Loose
Inkling Boy [Neon Green]	Loose
Inkling Girl [Neon Pink]	Loose
Inkling Squid [Neon Purple]	Loose
Splatoon 2 Pearl	Loose
Splatoon 2 Marina	Loose
Splatoon 3 Inkling [Yellow]	Loose
Splatoon 3 Octoling [Blue]	Loose
Splatoon 3 Small Fry	Loose
Zelda Loftwing	New In Box
Sanrio amiibo cards	Sealed Pack
Mario Cereal Box	Cereal Removed/Flattened
Isabelle Summer Outfit	Open Box
Cyrus/K.K./Reese	New In Box/Damaged box
Tom Nook	New In Box
Mabel	New In Box

 

Digital Codes	Condition
SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD-STANDARD EDITION-US	Switch Digital Code

 

Figures	Condition
Chrono Trigger Chrono (Crono)/Robo/Eira (Ayla) Formation Arts Figure	Loose figure, most limbs are detachable by design, no missing parts
Pit Figma Figure	First Edition, Open Box, Contains everything but AR cards
Lillie (Pokemon) Nendoroid	Sealed. US edition from the Pokemon Center
Pixel Pal Mega Man	Sealed, damaged box
Pixel Pal SMB3 Mario	Sealed
Pixel Pal SMB3 Luigi	Sealed
Tracer Nendoroid (730)	Sealed
Tracer (Blizzard Entertainment Cute But Deadly Series 2 Vinyl)	Loose figure

 

Switch	Condition
Adventure Acedamia	Sealed
Atelier Ryza 3	Complete in Box
Azure Striker Gunvolt Striker Pack	Sealed
Bendy and the Ink Machine	Complete in Box
Ender Lilies	Sealed, Japan Import
Labyrinth of Refrain	Loose
Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom	Sealed
Monster Hunter Stories 2 Collector's Edition	Sealed
The Mummy Demastered	Complete in Box
River City Girls	Complete in Box, US Copy, Best Buy Variant
Shadowverse Champion's Battle	Loose
Shantae	Sealed
Shantae Risky's Revenge	Sealed
Shantae Collector's Edition	Sealed
Shantae Risky's Revenge Collector's Edition	Sealed
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cowabunga Collection	Sealed
Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap	Complete in Box
Yu-Gi-Oh Legacy of the Duelist: Link Evolution	Loose

 

Wii	Condition
Batallion Wars 2	Game and Case
Castle of Shikigami III	Complete in Box
Okami	Game and Case

 

WiiU Games	Condition
Batman Arkham City Armored Edition	Sealed
Disney Infinity 2.0	Sealed
Nintendoland	Complete in Box
Star Fox Guard	Complete in Box
Turbo Super Stunt Squad	Complete in Box, Art/Manual damage

 

DS	Condition
Animal Crossing Wild World	Game, Case, and inserts. No Manual
Chrono Trigger	Loose
Dragon Quest IV	Loose
Final Fantasy Fables Chocobo's Dungeon DS+	Complete in Box, Japanese Import
Izuna 2 The Unemployed Ninja Returns	Loose
Kingdom Hearts Re:coded	Complete in Box
Little Red Riding Hood's Zombie BBQ	Cart and Case, no manual. Cartridge label is stained.
Super Scribblenauts	Loose

 

3DS	Condition
Kid Icarus Uprising (Japanese)	Game, Manual, and Case (No Big Box)
Kid Icarus Uprising	Complete in Box, Includes Big Box, Stand and AR cards
Senran Kagura Deep Crimson Double D Edition	Sealed

 

GBA	Condition
Car Battler Joe	Loose. Label imperfections
Chocobo Land A Game of Dice	Loose
Lady Sia	Loose, EU import
Lady Sia	Loose. Label imperfections

 

GB	Condition
Alleyway	Loose
Kid Dracula	Loose

 

NES	Condition
Adventure Island II	Loose
Faria	Game and Box. Box has some wear
Kid Icarus	Game, Box, and Manual; Box shows wear; Protective case for box and manual included
Rainbow Islands	Loose
Super Mario Bros & Duck Hunt	Loose

 

SNES	Condition
Chrono Trigger	Loose, Bad Label Damage, damaged shell
Metal Marines	Loose
Secret of Mana	Loose
Super Punch-Out	Loose
Super Scope 6	Loose
Wild Guns	Loose, Bad Label Damage

 

Gamecube	Condition
Cubivore	Loose disc
Pikmin	Player's Choice, Complete In Box
Star Fox Assault	Loose disc
Resident Evil 0	Player's Choice, Case and Discs, no manual
Resident Evil	Player's Choice, Complete In Box
Resident Evil	Complete In Box
Resident Evil 4	Complete In Box, Disc 2 has label wrinkles
Super Mario Sunshine	Game and case, no manual

 

Sega Genesis	Condition
Jurrassic Park	Loose cartridge, Sharpie on Label
Phantasy Star IV	Loose cartridge, Label Damage
Quackshot	Complete In Box
Rocket Knight Adventures	Loose cartridge, Label Damage
Spider-Man	Loose cartridge, Label Damage

 

Sega Saturn	Condition
NiGHTS Into Dreams	Complete in Box, Not for Resale Edition
Night Warriors Darkstalkers' Revenge	Loose

 

Sega Dreamcast	Condition
Project Justice	Complete in Box, page 2 detached from manual.
Power Stone 2	Loose

 

PSP	Condition
Daxter	Loose, Greatest Hits, Not For Resale
Power Stone Collection	Loose
Silent Hill Origins	Game and Case

 

PS1	Condition
Castlevania Chronicles	Complete in Box
Chocobo Racing	Loose
Chocobo no Fushigi na Dungeon	Complete in Box, Japanese Import
Chocobo's Dungeon 2	Complete in Box, Manual is badly water damaged
Dark Stalkers	Loose slim case version
Dark Stalkers 3	Disc and Manual, no back art
Rival Schools	Complete in Box
Silent Hill	Loose disc, Greatest Hits
Valkyrie Profile	Discs and Case, no manual
World of Dragon Warrior Torneko The Last Hope	Loose
Xenogears	Complete in Box

 

PS2	Condition
Avatar The Last Airbender	Disc and Case
Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance	Complete in Box; Greatest Hits
Bully	Greatest Hits, game & artwork
Burnout 3 Takedown	Complete, Water Damage on back cover art
Burnout Dominator	Case and Disc, Disc has superficial scratches but still boots
Castlevania Curse of Darkness	Loose, Disc has light scratching
Crash Bandicoot The Wrath of Cortex	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Dragon Ball Z Budokai	Complete in Box
Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	Complete in Box; Greatest Hits
Final Fantasy X	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Final Fantasy X-2	Complete; Greatest Hits
Haunting Ground	Complete in Box, Water Damage on art and manual
Killzone	Complete in Box
Grand Theft Auto Vice City	Disc, Case, Poster, No Manual
.Hack Quaratine	Discs and Case, no manual
Marvel vs Capcom 2	Cracked Disc, won't boot for me. Comes with case, no manual
Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Naruto Ultimate Ninja 2	Disc and Case
Need for Speed Underground	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Need for Speed Underground 2	Complete in Box
Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 2	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Resident Evil Dead Aim	Game and Case, No manual
Scarface	Complete; Greatest Hits
Simpsons Road Rage	Loose, Greatest Hits
Valkyrie Profile 2	Complete In Box, some wear on the artwork and manual
Tekken Tag Tournament	Disc and Case, Greatest Hits, Full side Movie Gallery sticker on DVD face

 

PS3	Condition
Sports Champions	Complete in Box

 

PS4	Condition
APEX Construct	Sealed
Gravity Rush Remastered	Loose
J-Stars Victory VS+	Loose
SteamWorld Dig 2	Sealed

 

PS5	Condition
Battlefield 2042	Complete in Box
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Deluxe Eiditon	Sealed

 

XBOX One	Condition
Watchdogs	Sealed

 

Consoles	Condition
Monster Hunter Rise Edition Switch	New in Box (No game code)
Oculus Quest 1	Complete in Box
Playstation 2 w/FreeMcBoot	Original PS2 "Fat" system. Won't read PS1 or blue PS2 discs. Laser could be ready to go bad, or just need re-alignment. Comes with a Yellow PS2 Memory Card that has FreeMcBoot on it. Free McBoot will allow you to to play games off of a hard drive if desired. No cords/controllers included.
Pokemon Scarlet/Violet Edition OLED Switch	New In Box
SNES Jr.	Includes Deck, RF Coax Cable, Third Party AC Adapter, and Third Party Controller. Small crack on the corner.
Splatoon 3 Edition OLED Switch	New In Box

 

Controllers	Condition
FortniteWildcat Joy-Con Set	Comes from the Fortnite Edition Console, never used
Joy-Con Grip	Bagged/Unused - Came with console
Oculus Quest 1/Rift S Left Controller	Used but very good condition. Comes with silicon case
Oculus Quest 1/Rift S Right Controller	Used but very good condition. Comes with silicon case
Platinum Gamecube Controller	Third Party, no nintendo logo, wired, good condition
Joy-Con (Left/Gray)	Good, no drift
Joy-Con (Right/Neon Red)	Good, no drift, Factory refurbished
SNES Controller	Third Party, no nintendo logo
SPIN Z WiiU Pro Controller	Black, Near Mint

 

Misc.	Condition
Chocobo White Mage Plush	Good
Chocobo Mystery Dungeon Everybuddy Pin	Thief costume
Chocobo's Dungeon Card Game Monsters Expansion Pack	Sealed
Black MagicGate 8MB PS2 Memory Card	Has Free McBoot loaded onto the card
Yellow Nyko MagicGate 8MB PS2 Memory Card	Has Free McBoot loaded onto the card
The Art of Splatoon 2	Sealed
Mario Kart 8 Target Pre-Order Keychain	Sealed. Cut in the film.
Nintendo Switch AC Adapter	Gently used
Nintendo 64 Memory Jumper Pack	OEM/Authentic Regular Pack, not to be confused with the expansion
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Pre-Order Coin	Sealed
Breath of the Wild Sheikah Coin	From BotW Special Edition, Good condition
Pokken Art Cel Pre-Order Bonus	Sealed
Blastoise New 3DS Plates	Plates are mint and unused
Nintendo 3DS Stand	OEM, Came with Kid Icarus Uprising
Kid Icarus Uprising Players Guide (Imported from Japan, no AR cards)	Shows a little wear
Kid Icarus AR Card Set (205/404)	Contains 249/402 different North American (AKDE) cards, no duplicates. An itemized list can be provided upon request.
Kid Icarus AR - Pit Rally Cry Sealed Pack	Sealed pack of cards that contains AKDE-403,014,086
Shantae Risky's Revenge 2 LP Soundtrack Vinyl	Sealed
Super Mario Wonder Framed Art Print	Comes from Best Buy, Sealed
Tears of the Kingdom Pin Set (The Legend of Zelda)	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Tears of the Kingdom Art Book (The Legend of Zelda)	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Tears of the Kingdom Poster (The Legend of Zelda)	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Portal 2 Wheatley LED Flashlight	Sealed

 

Cases/Boxes/Inserts	Condition
Chrono Trigger Manual	SNES, Slight Wear
Chrono Trigger Orange Border Map	Slight Water Damage, 2 Pin holes in the folds, frame optional
Chrono Trigger Green Border Map	Slight Water Damage
Disgaea 1 Rosen Queen Edition	Everything but the game
Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	Greatest Hits Artwork
Shantae Slip Cover	Limited Run Nintendo Switch 5 Game Slip cover with protector
Burnout Revenge	PS2 case and manual
Doom Eternal Steelbook	PS4 Sealed, no game
Dot Hack (.HACK) Infection	PS2 case and manual
Dot Hack (.HACK) Mutation	Empty Case only
Dot Hack (.HACK) Outbreak	PS2 case and manual
Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	PS2 Greatest Hits Case Only, damaged clips but artwork is in good shape
The Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom Collector's Edition	Includes everything but the game
Metroid Dread Special Edition	Box only, damaged from shipping
God of War Chains of Olympus	Case and Manual Only
Gran Turismo 3 A-spec	PS2 case only, 'Not For Sale' version
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch ConsoleBox Only	Empty Box, good condition
Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch Console Box Only	Empty Box, good condition
Pokemon Dialga & Palkia Switch Lite Box Only	Empty Box, good condition
Rival Schools Front Artwork	Just the front artwork
Fortnite Nintendo Switch Console Box Only	Empty Box, good condition
The Witcher III Wild Hunt	Empty Case, good condition
Tears of the Kingdom Steelbook (The Legend of Zelda)	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Empty Case, Mint
Witch's Wish Box	Empty Box, good condition

 

Freebies	Condition
Playstation 2 IDE Connector	Upgraded my HD Adapter to SATA, these are the old/leftover connectors.
Nintendo Switch Cart Caddy	3D Printed. Holds 16 carts. Can connect to an OEM dock.
Yoshi Mario Kart Keychain	Good
Small Jotaro Kujo Figure	3D Printed. From Jojo's Bizarre Adventure All-Star Battle-R
Large Jotaro Kujo Figure	3D Printed. From Jojo's Bizarre Adventure All-Star Battle-R
2 Cartridge DS Travel Case	2 Cartridge DS Travel Case
4 Cartridge DS Travel Case	4 Cartridge DS Travel Case
Wonderswan Display Stand	3D Printed. Does not fit Wonderswan Crystal
Lavos Figure	3D printed in PLA Wood Filament. Not my model, found on thingiverse.

 

Wants	Console
Kid Icarus Uprising AR Cards: AKDE-025 AKDE-039 (Will consider others)	None
Asheron's Call Memorabilia	PC
Game & Watch Devices (Excluding 35th Mario & Zelda editions)	G&W
Trip World	GB
Classic NES Series: Excitebike	GBA
Classic NES Series: Dr. Mario	GBA
Classic NES Series: Pac-Man	GBA
Kirby Tilt 'n' Tumble	GBA
Pokemon Puzzle Challenge	GBC
R.O.B. Accessories	NES
Yo Noid	NES
Pirates Of Dark Water	SNES
Chrono Trigger Box/Inserts	SNES
Marvel Super Heroes War of the Gems	SNES
Ribbit King	NGC
Mario Wonder Cards/Pins Pre-Order Bonuses	None
Metal Gear Acid	PSP
Racing Lagoon	PS1
Parasite Eve 2	PS1
Red Ninja (Art/Manual)	PS2
Night Warriors Darkstalkers Revenge (Case & Manual Only)	Saturn
Wonderswan Games	Wonderswan
DS Download Station 1-8,10,11,12,14,16,17,20	DS
Oni	PS2
Sega Master System Games	Master System
ROG Ally Extreme	PC

Prices are subjective, negotiable, and do not include shipping.   If you would like to trade, check out my thread on /gameswap.   Also accepting Cashapp and Venmo.   One Freebie per order.   Photos upon request.
 

Storage Solutions	Price	Condition
Thin Jewel Case for CD/DVD/Blu-Ray	1/per	New. Clear front, black back
Standard Jewel Case for CD/DVD/Blu-Ray	1/per	New. Clear front and back
Genesis/Famicom Retro Protection	1/per	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
Super Famicom Cartridge Retro Protection	1/per	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
SNES Cartridge Retro Protection	1/per	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector
NES Cartridge Retro Protection	1/per	New, PET acid-free plastic cartridge protector

 

amiibo	Price	Condition
Tears of the Kingdom Link	25	Loose
Ocarina of Time Link	25	Loose
Majora's Mask Link	30	Loose
Smash Bros. Link	20	Loose
Skyward Sword Link	20	Loose
Zelda & Loftwing	15	Loose
Wind Waker Link	20	Loose
Wind Waker Zelda	20	Loose
Twilight Princess Link	50	Loose
Wolf Link and Midna	25	Loose
Callie	20	Loose
Marie	20	Loose
Inkling Boy [Neon Green]	15	Loose
Inkling Girl [Neon Pink]	25	Loose
Inkling Squid [Neon Purple]	17	Loose
Splatoon 2 Pearl	20	Loose
Splatoon 2 Marina	20	Loose
Splatoon 3 Inkling [Yellow]	22	Loose
Splatoon 3 Octoling [Blue]	20	Loose
Splatoon 3 Small Fry	20	Loose
Zelda Loftwing	30	New In Box
Sanrio amiibo cards	12	Sealed Pack
Mario Cereal Box	15	Cereal Removed/Flattened
Isabelle Summer Outfit	40	Open Box
Cyrus/K.K./Reese	18	New In Box/Damaged box
Tom Nook	12	New In Box
Mabel	9	New In Box

 

Digital Codes	Price	Condition
SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD-STANDARD EDITION-US	10	Switch Digital Code

 

Figures	Price	Condition
Chrono Trigger Chrono (Crono)/Robo/Eira (Ayla) Formation Arts Figure	100	Loose figure, most limbs are detachable by design, no missing parts
Pit Figma Figure	90	First Edition, Open Box, Contains everything but AR cards
Lillie (Pokemon) Nendoroid	300	Sealed. US edition from the Pokemon Center
Pixel Pal Mega Man	30	Sealed, damaged box
Pixel Pal SMB3 Mario	30	Sealed
Pixel Pal SMB3 Luigi	30	Sealed
Tracer Nendoroid (730)	30	Sealed
Tracer (Blizzard Entertainment Cute But Deadly Series 2 Vinyl)	8	Loose figure

 

Switch	Price	Condition
Adventure Acedamia	30	Sealed
Atelier Ryza 3	90	Complete in Box
Azure Striker Gunvolt Striker Pack	40	Sealed
Bendy and the Ink Machine	30	Complete in Box
Ender Lilies	55	Sealed, Japan Import
Labyrinth of Refrain	65	Loose
Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom	60	Sealed
Monster Hunter Stories 2 Collector's Edition	160	Sealed
The Mummy Demastered	55	Complete in Box
River City Girls	120	Complete in Box, US Copy, Best Buy Variant
Shadowverse Champion's Battle	15	Loose
Shantae	50	Sealed
Shantae Risky's Revenge	50	Sealed
Shantae Collector's Edition	150	Sealed
Shantae Risky's Revenge Collector's Edition	150	Sealed
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cowabunga Collection	30	Sealed
Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap	40	Complete in Box
Yu-Gi-Oh Legacy of the Duelist: Link Evolution	18	Loose

 

Wii	Price	Condition
Batallion Wars 2	11	Game and Case
Castle of Shikigami III	75	Complete in Box
Okami	10	Game and Case

 

WiiU Games	Price	Condition
Batman Arkham City Armored Edition	40	Sealed
Disney Infinity 2.0	15	Sealed
Nintendoland	10	Complete in Box
Star Fox Guard	10	Complete in Box
Turbo Super Stunt Squad	200	Complete in Box, Art/Manual damage

 

DS	Price	Condition
Animal Crossing Wild World	35	Game, Case, and inserts. No Manual
Chrono Trigger	80	Loose
Dragon Quest IV	70	Loose
Final Fantasy Fables Chocobo's Dungeon DS+	25	Complete in Box, Japanese Import
Izuna 2 The Unemployed Ninja Returns	70	Loose
Kingdom Hearts Re:coded	25	Complete in Box
Little Red Riding Hood's Zombie BBQ	120	Cart and Case, no manual. Cartridge label is stained.
Super Scribblenauts	5	Loose

 

3DS	Price	Condition
Kid Icarus Uprising (Japanese)	40	Game, Manual, and Case (No Big Box)
Kid Icarus Uprising	120	Complete in Box, Includes Big Box, Stand and AR cards
Senran Kagura Deep Crimson Double D Edition	75	Sealed

 

GBA	Price	Condition
Car Battler Joe	180	Loose. Label imperfections
Chocobo Land A Game of Dice	15	Loose
Lady Sia	30	Loose, EU import
Lady Sia	50	Loose. Label imperfections

 

GB	Price	Condition
Alleyway	5	Loose
Kid Dracula	240	Loose

 

NES	Price	Condition
Adventure Island II	25	Loose
Faria	200	Game and Box. Box has some wear
Kid Icarus	180	Game, Box, and Manual; Box shows wear; Protective case for box and manual included
Rainbow Islands	35	Loose
Super Mario Bros & Duck Hunt	10	Loose

 

SNES	Price	Condition
Chrono Trigger	190	Loose, Bad Label Damage, damaged shell
Metal Marines	90	Loose
Secret of Mana	55	Loose
Super Punch-Out	25	Loose
Super Scope 6	22	Loose
Wild Guns	270	Loose, Bad Label Damage

 

Gamecube	Price	Condition
Cubivore	350	Loose disc
Pikmin	50	Player's Choice, Complete In Box
Star Fox Assault	30	Loose disc
Resident Evil 0	15	Player's Choice, Case and Discs, no manual
Resident Evil	25	Player's Choice, Complete In Box
Resident Evil	27	Complete In Box
Resident Evil 4	30	Complete In Box, Disc 2 has label wrinkles
Super Mario Sunshine	40	Game and case, no manual

 

Sega Genesis	Price	Condition
Jurrassic Park	10	Loose cartridge, Sharpie on Label
Phantasy Star IV	70	Loose cartridge, Label Damage
Quackshot	40	Complete In Box
Rocket Knight Adventures	37	Loose cartridge, Label Damage
Spider-Man	12	Loose cartridge, Label Damage

 

Sega Saturn	Price	Condition
NiGHTS Into Dreams	40	Complete in Box, Not for Resale Edition
Night Warriors Darkstalkers' Revenge	50	Loose

 

Sega Dreamcast	Price	Condition
Project Justice	225	Complete in Box, page 2 detached from manual.
Power Stone 2	90	Loose

 

PSP	Price	Condition
Daxter	10	Loose, Greatest Hits, Not For Resale
Power Stone Collection	30	Loose
Silent Hill Origins	50	Game and Case

 

PS1	Price	Condition
Castlevania Chronicles	165	Complete in Box
Chocobo Racing	55	Loose
Chocobo no Fushigi na Dungeon	20	Complete in Box, Japanese Import
Chocobo's Dungeon 2	70	Complete in Box, Manual is badly water damaged
Dark Stalkers	70	Loose slim case version
Dark Stalkers 3	50	Disc and Manual, no back art
Rival Schools	130	Complete in Box
Silent Hill	105	Loose disc, Greatest Hits
Valkyrie Profile	325	Discs and Case, no manual
World of Dragon Warrior Torneko The Last Hope	90	Loose
Xenogears	150	Complete in Box

 

PS2	Price	Condition
Avatar The Last Airbender	10	Disc and Case
Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance	17	Complete in Box; Greatest Hits
Bully	15	Greatest Hits, game & artwork
Burnout 3 Takedown	11	Complete, Water Damage on back cover art
Burnout Dominator	9	Case and Disc, Disc has superficial scratches but still boots
Castlevania Curse of Darkness	60	Loose, Disc has light scratching
Crash Bandicoot The Wrath of Cortex	10	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Dragon Ball Z Budokai	11	Complete in Box
Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	15	Complete in Box; Greatest Hits
Final Fantasy X	6	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Final Fantasy X-2	6	Complete; Greatest Hits
Haunting Ground	300	Complete in Box, Water Damage on art and manual
Killzone	15	Complete in Box
Grand Theft Auto Vice City	10	Disc, Case, Poster, No Manual
.Hack Quaratine	300	Discs and Case, no manual
Marvel vs Capcom 2	60	Cracked Disc, won't boot for me. Comes with case, no manual
Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty	10	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Naruto Ultimate Ninja 2	10	Disc and Case
Need for Speed Underground	10	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Need for Speed Underground 2	24	Complete in Box
Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 2	10	Greatest Hits, Used, Disc and Case
Resident Evil Dead Aim	50	Game and Case, No manual
Scarface	40	Complete; Greatest Hits
Simpsons Road Rage	15	Loose, Greatest Hits
Valkyrie Profile 2	40	Complete In Box, some wear on the artwork and manual
Tekken Tag Tournament	10	Disc and Case, Greatest Hits, Full side Movie Gallery sticker on DVD face

 

PS3	Price	Condition
Sports Champions	10	Complete in Box

 

PS4	Price	Condition
APEX Construct	15	Sealed
Gravity Rush Remastered	60	Loose
J-Stars Victory VS+	30	Loose
SteamWorld Dig 2	20	Sealed

 

PS5	Price	Condition
Battlefield 2042	20	Complete in Box
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Deluxe Eiditon	150	Sealed

 

XBOX One	Price	Condition
Watchdogs	15	Sealed

 

Consoles	Price	Condition
Monster Hunter Rise Edition Switch	420	New in Box (No game code)
Oculus Quest 1	180	Complete in Box
Playstation 2 w/FreeMcBoot	80	Original PS2 "Fat" system. Won't read PS1 or blue PS2 discs. Laser could be ready to go bad, or just need re-alignment. Comes with a Yellow PS2 Memory Card that has FreeMcBoot on it. Free McBoot will allow you to to play games off of a hard drive if desired. No cords/controllers included.
Pokemon Scarlet/Violet Edition OLED Switch	400	New In Box
SNES Jr.	120	Includes Deck, RF Coax Cable, Third Party AC Adapter, and Third Party Controller. Small crack on the corner.
Splatoon 3 Edition OLED Switch	400	New In Box

 

Controllers	Price	Condition
FortniteWildcat Joy-Con Set	120	Comes from the Fortnite Edition Console, never used
Joy-Con Grip	8	Bagged/Unused - Came with console
Oculus Quest 1/Rift S Left Controller	115	Used but very good condition. Comes with silicon case
Oculus Quest 1/Rift S Right Controller	115	Used but very good condition. Comes with silicon case
Platinum Gamecube Controller	20	Third Party, no nintendo logo, wired, good condition
Joy-Con (Left/Gray)	35	Good, no drift
Joy-Con (Right/Neon Red)	35	Good, no drift, Factory refurbished
SNES Controller	10	Third Party, no nintendo logo
SPIN Z WiiU Pro Controller	25	Black, Near Mint

 

Misc.	Price	Condition
Chocobo White Mage Plush	20	Good
Chocobo Mystery Dungeon Everybuddy Pin	5	Thief costume
Chocobo's Dungeon Card Game Monsters Expansion Pack	25	Sealed
Black MagicGate 8MB PS2 Memory Card	20	Has Free McBoot loaded onto the card
Yellow Nyko MagicGate 8MB PS2 Memory Card	20	Has Free McBoot loaded onto the card
The Art of Splatoon 2	300	Sealed
Mario Kart 8 Target Pre-Order Keychain	10	Sealed. Cut in the film.
Nintendo Switch AC Adapter	20	Gently used
Nintendo 64 Memory Jumper Pack	20	OEM/Authentic Regular Pack, not to be confused with the expansion
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Pre-Order Coin	15	Sealed
Breath of the Wild Sheikah Coin	25	From BotW Special Edition, Good condition
Pokken Art Cel Pre-Order Bonus	7	Sealed
Blastoise New 3DS Plates	200	Plates are mint and unused
Nintendo 3DS Stand	30	OEM, Came with Kid Icarus Uprising
Kid Icarus Uprising Players Guide (Imported from Japan, no AR cards)	30	Shows a little wear
Kid Icarus AR Card Set (205/404)	600	Contains 249/402 different North American (AKDE) cards, no duplicates. An itemized list can be provided upon request.
Kid Icarus AR - Pit Rally Cry Sealed Pack	20	Sealed pack of cards that contains AKDE-403,014,086
Shantae Risky's Revenge 2 LP Soundtrack Vinyl	55	Sealed
Super Mario Wonder Framed Art Print	25	Comes from Best Buy, Sealed
Tears of the Kingdom Pin Set (The Legend of Zelda)	20	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Tears of the Kingdom Art Book (The Legend of Zelda)	65	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Tears of the Kingdom Poster (The Legend of Zelda)	20	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Mint
Portal 2 Wheatley LED Flashlight	120	Sealed

 

Cases/Boxes/Inserts	Price	Condition
Chrono Trigger Manual	100	SNES, Slight Wear
Chrono Trigger Orange Border Map	80	Slight Water Damage, 2 Pin holes in the folds, frame optional
Chrono Trigger Green Border Map	80	Slight Water Damage
Disgaea 1 Rosen Queen Edition	150	Everything but the game
Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	5	Greatest Hits Artwork
Shantae Slip Cover	100	Limited Run Nintendo Switch 5 Game Slip cover with protector
Burnout Revenge	5	PS2 case and manual
Doom Eternal Steelbook	15	PS4 Sealed, no game
Dot Hack (.HACK) Infection	20	PS2 case and manual
Dot Hack (.HACK) Mutation	20	Empty Case only
Dot Hack (.HACK) Outbreak	30	PS2 case and manual
Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaichi	10	PS2 Greatest Hits Case Only, damaged clips but artwork is in good shape
The Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom Collector's Edition	100	Includes everything but the game
Metroid Dread Special Edition	5	Box only, damaged from shipping
God of War Chains of Olympus	15	Case and Manual Only
Gran Turismo 3 A-spec	5	PS2 case only, 'Not For Sale' version
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch ConsoleBox Only	90	Empty Box, good condition
Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch Console Box Only	20	Empty Box, good condition
Pokemon Dialga & Palkia Switch Lite Box Only	30	Empty Box, good condition
Rival Schools Front Artwork	25	Just the front artwork
Fortnite Nintendo Switch Console Box Only	20	Empty Box, good condition
The Witcher III Wild Hunt	20	Empty Case, good condition
Tears of the Kingdom Steelbook (The Legend of Zelda)	30	From the TotK Collector's Edition. Empty Case, Mint
Witch's Wish Box	50	Empty Box, good condition

 

Freebies	Price	Condition
Playstation 2 IDE Connector	Free with purchase	Upgraded my HD Adapter to SATA, these are the old/leftover connectors.
Nintendo Switch Cart Caddy	Free with purchase	3D Printed. Holds 16 carts. Can connect to an OEM dock.
Yoshi Mario Kart Keychain	Free with purchase	Good
Small Jotaro Kujo Figure	Free with purchase	3D Printed. From Jojo's Bizarre Adventure All-Star Battle-R
Large Jotaro Kujo Figure	Free with purchase	3D Printed. From Jojo's Bizarre Adventure All-Star Battle-R
2 Cartridge DS Travel Case	Free with purchase	2 Cartridge DS Travel Case
4 Cartridge DS Travel Case	Free with purchase	4 Cartridge DS Travel Case
Wonderswan Display Stand	Free with purchase	3D Printed. Does not fit Wonderswan Crystal
Lavos Figure	Free with purchase	3D printed in PLA Wood Filament. Not my model, found on thingiverse.

 

$30 and it doesn’t even show up on my skin. Every other purple blush I’ve tried is too much for my really pale skin or looks pink. I’m tired of only wearing pink blush. Should I just give up? I’ve tried tarte maneater, another tarte one and the Nars one is such a pale lilac/lavender that it’s suited for dark skin. Again, also really don’t want something that ends up looking pink on me. I’m exhausted of the search. Pale ladies, do we just stick to pink blush instead of exhausting ourselves trying to find other blush colors?
Brown hair, black eyebrows, green eyes, blue veins that show through my face and body.

I'm currently in a streak of wanting to self harm, or just not be around anymore and it's caused by like the dumbest thing imaginable.
None of my partners have ever been physically attracted to me, they lie for a little while that they are and then they drop the act.
It's to the point that in the beginning of our relationship, I asked my current bf to go home and really think about if he was into me or not because I didn't want to get a few months in and be told he's not attracted to me again.
He promised that I was his type and he was attracted to me, a few months later he told me he wasn't attracted to me and had a crush on another woman we see almost everyday.
At this point I've given up, I'm only 22 but it's not possible that I'd just have 3 of the 3 men I've dated tell me the same thing in one way or another by chance.
To add, my appearance has never changed drastically in these relationships, I stay within 10lbs of my weight prior to the relationship and the only major change has been my hair color ( it's gone from blonde to black to brown and red for a while) but none of them have ever cited my hair as the problem.
But, I am fat and plain looking. I have a small ass and pretty bad love handles, the only positive feature I have are my boobs. I'm top heavy and muscular under the fat due to my work ( construction)
I've lost the weight before, got down from 200 to 120 and was still unattractive, I lost any definition I had besides slight muscle, I was still top heavy and would have needed extensive surgery to like how I looked.
I've always been bullied for my appearance by my family, and now my partners.
My current partner hurts the most, I have to go through everyday knowing he's not attracted to me, he's lied before and told me he is, but he's told me twice that he's not physically attracted to me and because of the conditions I was told in I believe the ladder statement.
I try so hard to be what he wants, but it's constantly changing, I've bought so much useless shit just to make him happy and then it changes.
I feel like it extends to other parts of our relationship too, we don't live together and usually just spend weekends together.
The last 2 days he's been more or less ignoring me, the first day he took literally the whole day to jerk off and ignored me, because he can't focus if we're talking the second day I think was the same.
It was our anniversary.
To be fair it wasn't a year or anything important just 10 months but it still hurt to have my messages ignored and my call only last 34 seconds.
That's not even to mention all I do that doesn't get reciprocated, I'm the one to make him go to work, he does doordash and won't usually work unless I'm there which just means we spend our weekends getting him paid.
I buy all of my own food and his 90% of the time, I clean everything because he refuses to, I cook everything because he doesn't know how to and refuses to learn.
I have to shower with him, because he won't by himself, I have to tell him not to argue with his parents, I have to make him pay his bills.
He does do something very important and I don't want to devalue it, I don't drive currently and he picks me up and drops me off when we go out to do what he wants on any particular day.
Which is a lot, but I pay for gas and never ask to go anywhere out of the way, I usually just walk wherever I want because it's never more than a few steps away from wherever he wanted to go.
I buy him small gifts alot and large ones pretty frequently, to which he's admitted he doesn't find as much value in what I give him as what he buys himself.
On the flip side him buying me anything is an extreme struggle, an example being for his birthday I spent $300 on all his gifts and we spent the day celebrating.
For my birthday I had to go half on my gift and we spent the day working and he bought me Taco Bell afterwards.
I just don't feel valuable in any way, I'm not attractive so I'm not valuable in that sense and pretty fucking obviously what I do isn't valuable either.
I used to beg the universe or God or whatever you want to call it to give me someone that loved me and now I'm realizing that it's not what I wanted.
I wanted someone who would love me and desire me, someone who didn't treat me like I'm their mother and they're a bratty child
Someone who would want me around for my presence, who wanted to touch me, to come to bed with me, to cuddle.
But that seems like too much to really ask for, so I think I should just settle for being loved and whatever way someone can love me, even if it's not what I view as love.
Just to add I don't really want to leave my boyfriend he and I have the same issues in a lot of ways and he understands me,
he doesn't get angry when I make random noises or say dumb things or make bad jokes,
he understands that I might have meltdowns and want to be alone, and he kind of understands what I need in those moments.
I can't lose that and be alone again.
I doubt anyone will read all of this, but I'm glad I got to rant about all the things I can't talk about.

So, I'd be lying if I said I didn't deal with depression a little bit most days, and anxiety most days. But I've been throwing myself fully into exercise and lifestyle changes to claw back as much control of my brain as I can, and now my energy levels are better than they have been since I was a teenager. I haven't had coffee in months.
Exercise
-Get a step counter and walk at least 8k steps a day. Try for 10k. this seriously does so much. If you live in a place with bad weather or walking infrastructure, get a walking pad.
-lift weights. Legs, chest, back, arms. I have a spare room where I stuck a cheap craigslist weight bench and about 200 bucks of barbells and dumbbells. Sure, getting a gym membership is more practical for some people, but for me I know I will work out more with a set at home. It's a nice feeling when I stick some protein in the oven and can just pump out a few sets by the time my food is ready.
-hike/spend time in nature. Aromatic turpentines in forests are shown to have massive positive benefits on emotional regulation.
Diet/lifestyle
-cut out alch, nictotine, weed, processed foods, soda, processed sugar as much as you can. For me, weed was fucking up my mental state, memory, and sleep cycle. I feel way more energy and mental clarity without it. And i can breathe easier without smoking. It's maybe made more of a difference for me than anything.
-focus your diet around getting as wide of a range of micronutrients as possible. Vitamin A (carrots/squash), Vitamin Bs (too much to go into for me rn) Vitamin C (citrus or lots of other fruit), Vitamin E (nuts), Vitamin K (lots of vegetables). Foods like kale are great bc they knock out a lot of your vitamin needs at once (it has A, C, and K I believe).
-avoid plastic if possible. Don't drink out of cans and plastic bottles, don't eat canned food (plastic apoxy). Ironically frozen vegetables in plastic packagaing often have less plastic in them than canned food.
-incorporate antioxidant rich superfoods whenever possible. I especially recommend purple (skin and flesh) Japanese sweet potatoes, blueberries, kale, avocado. Moringa is the healthiest plant I know of (and I am a horticulturalist by training), you might find it at a farmer's market but i buy it dried and drink it as tea.
-if you eat meat, supplement protein needs with plant protein like chickpeas.
-if you are going to eat processed foods, there is a big difference between pasta/bread/hummus vs. twinkees/hohos/etc
Supplements
-magensium glycinate for sleep
-b12
-d3 (maybe take half doses if you get decent amounts of sun, I tested a little high last time I did bloodwork)
Sleep
-find the gentlest lighting possible
-wear blue light glasses as much as possible
-get an essential oil diffuser with tree oils to lower your heartrate
-exercise will make things much easier
-air purifier
-black out curtains
Skincare
-sunscreen every day. avoid it out of plastic if possible bc plastic is not good for your skin
-wear a hat outside
-I make an aloe vera gel harvested from the plant and mix with green tea/moringa/Macha. Then i take the leftover stalks, soak them in warm water and pour it over my head in the bath. Did away with my dandruff overnight.
-ricewater, for skin and hair
-retinol
Hair
-gugo bark shampoo if you can get it is said to fight hair loss
-rosemary oil encourages hair growth
-rice water
-I wash my hair with squash water (yes, water I boiled squash in) before shampooing with gugo bark shampoo. Vitamin A contains retinol. After I did that my girlfriend said my hair had never looked shinier.
Tea
-for caffeine I go with green tea or yerba mate
-non caffeine mix (which I add to the green tea/yerb sometimes as well) is moringa, nettle, and stevia leaf
-if you have a sweet tooth, stevia leaf can be a great sugar replacement.
lmk what you think or if you think of anything

I know Reddx is trying to move away from neckbeard stories, so I decided to finally submit my short NeckBeard encounter in the hopes that our humble lord Reddx would grace my scribbling with his melodious voice.
A quick warning that this contains attempted schmexual assault.
This story takes place ten years ago, two months after I turned nineteen. I had spent the previous year interning with a well-known horse trainer. (To this day, it's the coolest thing I have ever done.) I left home for the year-long internship a healthy 112lb at 5’1” and returned 105lb. I also had brown hair down to my waist, and my eyes appeared large in my too-thin face, and I was mistaken for 13 or 14 on a regular basis. I think I could have been considered beard-bait
Now, back living with my parents, I needed employment. My options were limited in our small town. I didn’t fancy trying to work at one of the crumbling fast food joints, so I applied for our local cleaning company. Being a maid sounded perfect! It combined my love of cleaning and my intense curiosity in the lives of strangers. I loved the idea of peeking into people`s homes and getting a glimpse of what took place behind twitching curtains.
After convincing the owner that I was indeed an adult and not a small child with a fake ID, I was hired. The owner placed me with two senior maids who we will call, Laverne and Shirley. Lavern and Shirley were former chain-smoking meth Muppets that now resembled shriveled craisins in their mid-forties. They had given up smoking for vaping; specifically, banana nut bread vape.
Laverne and Shirley had one other notable idiosyncrasy. Laverne would say something apropos of nothing, like “yesterday was too sunny for me” and finish the thought with a sing song “♪Ya know♪.” And then Shirley would repeat “♪Ya know♪.” This would continue the whole drive, between puffs of banana nut bread vape. To this day, I can’t hear someone say ‘ya know’ without muttering a ‘♪Ya know♪’ under my breath.
One fateful Tuesday, I pulled into work, hopped out of my 1993 Skylark, and into our cleaning van just like I had done for the past three weeks.
Shirley: Hey there TwatWaffle, we’re goin’ to a new house today. It’ll be our first time there. We might be there longer than usual.
Laverne: Hopefully you packed a good lunch. We can't stop today, ya know
Shirley: ♪ YA know ♪
OP: Oh, cool! I love cleaning new houses. Yeah, I packed lunch.
We were off on a new adventure. The light babbling of Laverne and Shirley’s inane chattering belied the utter horror that waited for me. Laverne turned into a housing development of McMansions, huge houses with two square feet of lawn, all built about five feet apart. We unloaded our equipment, swung open the door, and revealed… a beautiful, almost immaculate home. Sweet, this should be an easy, quick job. We all took a brief tour of the house to snoo- I mean, familiarize ourselves with the layout.
Shirley: The order says downstairs kitchen, bathroom, and living room. Upstairs bathroom and basement bathroom.
OP: Do you know how to get to the basement?
Laverne: No, this is our first time here too ya know
Shirley: ♪Ya know♪
So, we continued to familiarize ourselves by opening every door in the house to find the basement. After opening doors to pantries, bedrooms, closets, and an office, Laverne finally found the door that led to the basement.
Leverne: TwattWaffle! Shirley! Over here!
The door Laverne found opened to cement stairs that disappeared into a dark abyss. Shirley pushed past us and flicked on the light. The stairwell, now illuminated, led to a brightly lit exercise room. We all made our way down and surveyed the numerous and expensive pieces of workout equipment as we wandered deeper into the basement.
The basement was narrow but seemed to run the full length of the house. An opening to another hallway was at the opposite end of the exercise room. The hall was lit by a dull bulb, which cast a yellow light on the awful carpet it oversaw. The center of the carpet was a deep brown, and the edges a sad dusty pink. The carpet’s pile had long since had its will crushed and now laid flat. Stains of all shapes and viscosity made parts of the brown depressed carpet even darker and crustier. To the left were two closed doors; the first door had light leaking out around its poorly fitted frame, and the second was completely dark.
The gym room smelled musty and a little sweaty but nowhere near bile-inducing. However, the smell emanating from the hall threatened to steal my breakfast. Laverne and Shirley stood at the entrance to the hall, not daring to step on the carpet.
Shirley: TwatWaffle go open the first door.
OP: Sure
On tiptoe, I went to the first door, grabbed the greasy knob, turned it, and pushed. A wave of ammonia slapped me like a-pimp-named-slick-back and face fucked my nose raw dawg. I stepped back into the hall, trying to get a fresh-ish breath. But it was too late; opening the door let the full force of rank smell gush into the hall. So, instead, I pulled my shirt over my nose, which acted like a condom against the assault on my olfactory senses.
Leverne and Shirley had been watching, but when I reeled back, they both came forward to chastise me for being dramatic.
Shirley: Come on, it can’t be that… Oh hell
Leverne: Stop being a pus… Fuck me sideways.
The smell had finally wafted to them as they came forward, and they, too, pulled their shirts over their faces.
The three of us stood in the doorway, surveying the horror. A sink to the left is covered in black, something… Mold? Dust? Curiosity made me take a step forward; peering at the sink, I saw hair. Short black hairs, curly black hairs, and long strands of black hair covered the sink in a fine layer. I looked at the ground and saw that it, too, was covered in an assortment of hairs. I willed myself to look up at the mirror which hung over the sink. The mirror was so thickly speckled with white and pinkish spots that I could hardly see my face. My stomach lurched and rolled; I knew too well what those milky spots were from.
Then, I went to the porcelain throne that was once a functional toilet but had become a biohazardous receptacle some time ago. Brown sludge filled the entire bowl. Thick yellow-brown stains colored the outer rim and ran down the base, pooling at the bottom. This sight and the overpowering stench finally got me, and I wretched.
Laverne: OK! I’ll knock out the upstairs pot, Laverne, you start on the kitchen, and I’ll help you when I’m finished. TwatWaffle, get started here.
Spinless people pleasing me croaked
OP: Yeah, okay.
Laverne and Shirley quickly walked away and booked it back upstairs. I went to my cleaning caddy, opened the bottle of bleach, and inhaled deeply. The bleach burnt in my nose, but it also gave me a little relief from the putrid smells gang banging my nose. Next, I pulled on my thick rubber gloves, summoned all the willpower I possessed, and headed back to the toilet. I pushed the handle, hoping to flush the fecal McSlurry, but nothing happened. I took the top off the tank and found that the pull chain had come undone. The chain reattached, I pushed again. Water rushed into the bowl, and the liquid butt fudge began to rise. Sheer panic ripped through my heart as I contemplated having to mop old stagnant shit off the floor. The slurry came level with the rim of the bowl when suddenly I heard a glop glop. Air from the pipes escaped, and slowly, the sewage oozed down the toilet drain and away from the rim of the bowl.
One crisis averted, I decided to start on the sink while the toilet’s tank refilled. It was going to take two or three more flushes to get it all down. I began scrubbing and wiping, letting myself get lost in my own head as I performed the familiar task. After about five minutes of ferocious cleaning, a sound cut into my consciousness—a heavy sort of breathing. I looked up and caught in the mirror a form filling the doorway. I jumped and spun around to face The Thing.
I hastily babbled
OP: Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. You scared me. Hi, I’m TwatWaffle, I’m here with Local Cleaning Company. Did you need to use this bathroom? I’ll be done shortly if you can wait.
The Thing stood silently, his mass filling the doorway. A light grey shirt with dark stains under each arm struggled and failed to contain the bulk of his abdomen. I could almost hear the cries of agony from the threads of fabric that made up his tortured navy sweatpants, which were being stretched to their limit. The flesh was so abundant on his face that it rendered it almost featureless. Angry red pimples dappled the entire landscape of his skin.
OP: I can step out now, if you can’t wait.
The Thing just stood there, staring. By this time, I had huffed enough bleach that the bathroom smells were bearable. But The Thing’s body odor had Billy Cosby-ed my defenses and was having its way with my piriform cortex. As nonchalantly as possible, I brought my bleached, soaked rag up to my face, like wiping sweat from my brow, and took another whiff of bleach. We stood just staring at each other for a long, awkward minute.
OP: Okay… Well, if you need the bathroom, let me know.
I turned and went back to cleaning. I flushed the toilet for a third time. Now, the toilet water was just cloudy with sediment. I scrubbed at the left-over streaks that had crusted and clung to the bowl. A fourth and final flush had the toilet looking as good as it was ever going to look again.
I might have been looking at this disgusting commode, but all my attention was on the figure lurking in the doorway. As I got on my knees, intent on cleaning up the thick, viscous yellow puddles, I heard The Things breathing increase and then fade. I dared a glance over my shoulder; The Thing was gone.
Finished with the toilet, I turned my attention to the shower. A glance at the drain revealed that, to Ramtides's query, The Thing was a waffle stomper. Clearly, with the toilet out of commission, The Thing had been using the shower to relieve themself. Hair was also sprinkled liberally over it all.
Giving myself a little pep talk.
OP: Okay, I’m almost done. I can do this. I’m almost finis-
Then, from the doorway, a voice gurgled
The Thing: Hello M’lady.
I whip around, slightly less startled this time but twice as confused. The Thing is talking? And it changed clothes? It now wore a black shirt and cargo shorts, which fit him only slightly better than his previous attire.
OP: Hi, Do you need the bathroom now? I’m pretty much finished; just need to wipe down the shower. I fixed the toilet, so it flushes now.
The Thing: Ahh, clever and beautiful. May I know M`lady’s name?
I was a little confused, considering I told him my name about fifteen minutes ago. But then I also struggle remembering names sometimes.
OP: I’m TwatWaffle, with Local Cleaning Company.
I noticed movement over The Things' shoulder, another shape in the dim hallway. And that is when everything clicked. I remembered seeing pictures lining the upstairs hall—pictures of a Mom, Dad, and two identical cherubic little boys—twins. This then was Thing2, and I had previously met Thing1. Dear god, basement-dwelling twin neckbeards.
Thing2: TwatWaffle, a lovely name for a lovely lady. M’lady, I need your assistance; I accidentally kicked my computer mouse under my bed. Neither I nor Thing1 can reach it. Perhaps M’lady would be willing to retrieve it.
OP: I’m not supposed to do anything that’s not on our cleaning order.
Thing2: But I’m not asking you to clean anything. I’m simply requesting that you do something for me as a favor. Surely, helping your client reach something isn’t against your rules. It’ll only take you a minute.
OP: I guess not, just let me spray down the shower and then I’ll help you.
Thing2: Excellent…
Thing2 lumbered back to their room. Thing1 stood for a moment longer in the hallway, staring before waddling after its brother. I finish up the shower, gathered the trash and used cleaning wipes, and put my supplies back in the caddy. I unscrew the bleach bottle one more time and inhale the fumes before walking to the next room and entering The Things’ nest.
What hit me first this time was a sweaty, musty smell, underlined by a salty, stale smegma. Then, as I stepped forward, the unmistakable stank of rotting food came edged in, joining the bukaki of smells in my nose. This room was also narrow and long. On the right and left sides against the wall were desks, each had two large monitors. LED gamer lights were hung on the wall, but the thick layer of dust that coated everything in the room dimmed their rainbow-light pattern. The only other lighting in the room came from a narrow window set high up in the wall and the glow from the monitors.
But scant light clearly illuminated dishes, pizza boxes, cans, and assorted bottles filled with suspicious liquids that lay in heaps around the desks. Stray bits of trash were scattered everywhere else. Beneath my feet was brown-crusted flooring that might have once resembled a carpet. On the back wall were two full beds set end to end. Thing2 sat on the right bed, and Thing1 sat in a chair, staring at something on one of the monitors.
Thing2: Here M’lday, it’s under my bed.
Holding my breath, I walked forward, knelt on the hard, stiff carpet, and peered under the bed. The mouse lay right there at the edge. Surely, Thing2 could have reached that far himself? I picked it up and held the mouse out to him.
Thing2: Thank you. You’re so kind and helpful. Perhaps you can sit with me for a moment and talk. It’s so rare that I get to meet such a beautiful lady.
OP: You’re welcome, but I have to go. Shirley and Laverne are waiting for me, and we have more work to do.
I turned to walk away when I felt something I will never forget. A pudgy, soft, and clammy hand gripped my wrist. It was so soft, like a baby's hand that had been enlarged. I’d never felt someone's hand before or since that was so fleshy and uncalloused. Sometimes, as I fall asleep, I feel that hand gripping my wrist again.
I froze and looked at this monstrous beast that grasped me. His fleshy acne riddle face smirked back at me in the dimness. I heard a groan and creaking metal as Thing1 exited his chair and stood behind me. Fear now engulfed me to my bones. I had been too distracted by the disgusting state of everything to consider Thing2 might have ill intentions. Or maybe I had inhaled enough fumes from cleaning supplies to cloud my judgment.
Thing1 took a step toward us as Thing2 began pulling me towards him. I braced myself, but the floor was slick, and I slid closer to Thing2. I wanted to scream, I wanted to say something, but fear had gripped my throat as hard as Thing2 gripped my arm.
Shirley: TwattWaffle! TwatWaffle! Where the hell are you, girl?
Shirley called from the hallway. Her raspy smoker's voice sounded like an angel's call to me, and her call gave me the strength to finally speak.
OP: Shirley! I’m over here!
Thing1 plopped back into his chair, and Thing2, startled by the sound of another person, loosened his grip enough that I could yank myself free. I picked up my cleaning caddy and ran from the room as Shirley’s head peaked around the door.
Shirley: Come on, lazy girl. We’ve been done for ten minutes already. You’re making us late. I’ve told you; you've got to go faster, girl.
OP: Yes, ma’am, sorry.
Back upstairs, I shakily helped load all our cleaning things back into the van, and we left. A week later, I quit and found better employment. Before that day, I had been rather naive, but I would never allow myself to get into another situation like that again.
I know my story is short and neckbeard-light, but I hope you found some entertainment in it anyway. Reddx, if you read this, thank you! And if you don’t, thank you for the hours of entertainment you’ve given me.

I had a dream (22M) where I was in this hotel with people from a program I’ve know in the past. I was also with staff from a different program as well. The hotel was very red from the walls and had very gloss black finishes to the furniture. This blonde girl shows up around our age (22F) and everyone else had left and the girl, another friend and I stay in the room. The other friend eventually leaves and that girl and I start making out and doing things (I don’t know if this helps the dream, in any way shape or form but it’s what happened lol)
The girl and I finished with what we were doing. The staff from the program comeback and I’m trying to greet them and as soon as they get closer the door shuts on both of us, very abruptly. Then, everyone from our group is back in the room and we’re having fun. Then, I find my self at the dining room area. I start feeling this strong force trying to pull me and I was trying to fight it. As I was trying to fight the force, I start yelling for help. Some of my program peers come to help and we’re all on top of the stairs now.
Now, all of people in the program are in this hall, and we all can feel this force. We all battle to join our hands and then this random lady with a baby appears, her arms stretched, one arm below the baby’s head/neck and the other on the baby’s back. The lady was white, with blonde hair, light colored eyes, around middle aged, and had this black dress that came to her knees with a little white trim at the bottom and with black tights. She starts saying something and then her eyes begin to change a very black color, her voice changes to this very deep voice, her face starts getting cuts and black pus starts coming out. I think she was getting possessed. She starts looking at me and I started reciting the “our father” prayer in English but I didn’t know because I only know it in Spanish ( I tried in English, so the others could join since they were English speakers). I recited it in Spanish and then told whatever that was “leave, leave, leave” and woke up saying leave leave leave

In the movie Benedict Cumberatch plays a man named Benjamin. The newly-rich Benjamin buys a "makeover": under the dirt, he is a long-haired white man who resembles conventional portrayals of Jesus. Benjamin traipses around, throwing money to people, and Romans believe he is another "messiah". why couldn’t this be a possibility of how things actually worked, especially with Russia coming up with evidence the Jesus was black.

Inda by Sherwood Smith 4 stars
This is the first book in the Inda series. It follows the main character, Inda, who is sent as a boy to start military training at the Royal Academy. The book is well written, introduces many great characters, and sets up the next three books well. Inda's story is gripping and I liked the political intrigue. I ended up reading the entire quartet. I probably would have liked this series more back in high school. I did like them though and would recommend this series to anyone looking for a political fantasy. Counts for: First in a Series (HM), Multi-POV (HM), Criminals (EM), Dreams (HM), Prologues and Epilogues (EM), Character with a Disability (HM), Survival (HM), Reference Materials (HM), Book Club or Readalong Book (EM)
The Fox by Sherwood Smith 4 stars
A great sequel to the first book. New characters, new political plots, and new locations await Inda as his life changes in ways he never imagined. I liked the world building and watching Inda grow into his own. Counts for: Entitled Animals (EM), Multi-POV (HM), Criminals (EM), Dreams (EM), Character with a Disability (HM), Reference Materials (HM), Book Club or Readalong Book (EM)
The King's Shield by Sherwood Smith 4 stars
Inda has become the right hand of the king. War threatens and Inda must lead his country to battle. This book made me realize that Inda's journey can be split into two parts. Books one and two are part one and books three and four are part two. Counts for: First in a Series (HM), Multi-POV (HM), Criminals (EM), Dreams (EM), Character with a Disability (HM), Survival (HM), Reference Materials (HM), Book Club or Readalong Book (EM)
Treason's Shore by Sherwood Smith 4 stars
Inda is now an adult and has been given more responsibilities by his king. He must learn to carry out these responsibilities using the knowledge he has gained through his own life experience. When the enemy threatens again Inda must unite the kingdoms to defeat their common foe. This is the last book in the Inda series and I thought it concluded India’s story nicely. Counts for: First in a Series (HM), Multi-POV (HM), Criminals (EM), Dreams (EM), Prologues and Epilogues (EM), Character with a Disability (HM), Survival (HM), Reference Materials (HM), Book Club or Readalong Book (EM)
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke 4 stars
This is a very long book about two English magicians: Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Mr Norrell is a magician who decides to enter London's high society with the goal to bring magic back to England. It vanished sometime in the past along with one of England's kings known as The Raven King. Jonathan Strange is a budding magician who becomes Mr. Norrell's first pupil. These magicians are not likable characters and it's the side characters like Lady Poe, Stephen Black, and Arabella Strange who are the more sympathetic ones. The main antagonist is The Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair. He is an ancient eldritch fae creature who along with his Kingdom is uncanny and brings madness to those he encounters. The book reads like a social commentary on industrial England with stories told about various people and events rather than a straight narrative. I would recommend this book to those who like long fantasy novels, dark academia vibes, and poetry like William Blake. Counts for: Eldritch Creatures (HM), Dreams (EM) Multi POV (HM) References (EM)
The Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo 5 stars
Another great entry in the Singing Hills Cycle by Nghi Vo. In this novella the cleric Chih is accompanying a young bride on her way to marry the lord of Doi Cao. This book has a bit of a gothic vibe to it and is now one of my favorites of the series. If you haven't read The Singing Hills Cycle yet and you like ancient history and mythology, I highly recommend them. Counts for: Alliterative Title (EM), Criminals (EM) Dreams (EM) Bards (EM) Published in 2024 (EM) Author of Color (EM)
Can't Spell Treason Without Tea 4 stars
This book is about Reyna, a Queen's guard who decides to abandon her post to open a bookstore/tea shop with her partner Kianthe the mage. It's a cozy fantasy very much like Legends and Lattes with more of a focus between the relationship of the two main characters. I enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone looking for a cozy fantasy. Counts for: Alliterative Title (EM) Criminals (EM) Romantasy (HM)
Prisoners of a Pirate Queen Marshall J. Moore 3.5 stars
This is another cozy fantasy book, but with pirates. Complete with a talking parrot, pirate ships, treasure, and of course a murderous mermaid. This is the sequel to Marshall J. Moore's first book, Son of a Sailor. We return to Captain Quint and his crew, who escape with the crown jewels until they are caught by the pirate queen, Margherita. Events are made more complicated by the return of Navy Commander Vanessa. Through Margherita, Quint, and Vanessa we examine colonization and the different ways it can be viewed depending on your perspective. I liked the characters but wished for a little bit more complexity in the plot. However, with all that said, this is one of the few self published books with less than 100 reviews on goodreads that was enjoyable to read. That is saying a lot as I have such a hard time finding something enjoyable when searching for a self published book to read for bingo. I would recommend this cozy book if you liked Our Flag Means Death and want something light to read. Counts for: Criminals (HM) Prologues and Epilogues (EM) Romantasy (HM), Character with a Disability (HM), Set in a Small Town (EM), Reference Materials (EM)
Floating Hotel 4.5 stars
This is an excellent sci-fi mystery set aboard the Grand Abeona Hotel, a luxurious ship that travels across the galaxy. With many POVs, this book focuses on crew members and guests, each with their own story and history. I loved how the author was able to juggle so many narratives while weaving them into a larger narrative. I did find the ending a bit abrupt but everything else was really well done. I would recommend this book to all space opera mystery fans out there. Counts for: Criminals (HM), Dreams (EM), Multi-POV (HM) Published in 2024 (EM) Space Opera (HM), Author of Color: (EM), Judge A Book By Its Cover (EM)
The World We Make 4 stars
In this sequel to The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin we are brought back to the city of New York and its avatars. The battle against the Enemy continues but this time the Woman in White (who has a great new nickname) is using politics to destroy New York. I liked the characters, particularly Padmini, the fast pace, and the look at other cities and their history. While I really liked the first book, the sequel was a bit too “current American politics” for me. When I read a book I want to escape from real life, not read about a fantasy version of the world I’m living in. Especially a simplified one. I would recommend this duology to anyone looking for a fun beach read this summer. Counts for: Dreams (EM), Prologues and Epilogues (HM), Multi-POV (HM), Author of Color (EM), Survival (HM), Eldritch Creatures (EM), Reference Materials (EM)
So Let Them Burn 3 stars
This is another YA book featuring dragon riding but this one takes place in a Jamaican inspired culture. The two main characters are sisters Faron and Elara. Faron is an avatar of her gods while Elara bonds with a dragon of their enemy. The two must journey to discover the history behind their nation’s past. While I enjoyed the Jamaican setting, this book fell flat as it felt like a repeat of other similar YA books. It didn’t seem to be able to offer anything new to the genre and it also wasn’t very well written. I would recommend this book only to those looking for a Jamaican inspired fantasy. Counts for: First in a Series (EM), Published in 2024 (HM), Author of Color (HM), Judge A Book By Its Cover (EM), Reference Materials (EM)

 I never thought I would find myself needing to recount the events that transpired during my childhood. 

When the idea of typing this came about, I didn’t think I would even be able to find the words to describe them. However, maybe due to recent contact with the government, the memories I had long buried in the dusty recesses of my memory have dug themselves up and crawled back into the light of my mind’s eye in vivid detail. Now that I am free to speak, and now that I have summoned the courage to, my message to you, especially the parents among you is this, do not leave your children at Sunny Smiles Daycare.
I was about 4 when my parents divorced. It was a long, arduous process, full of broken promises and uncomfortable truths. My mother had left a year prior, off to Vegas to be with her lover who would fly over on weekends and destroy my parent’s of holy matrimony. It took quite a toll on my father. He was never very present in the going on of my life, and while he tried, an awkwardness had formed between us, a chasm that made it difficult to do much of anything. It was ever present, both of us trying to cope with the tender void left in the wake of my mother.
We tried to fill it with each other, but our relationship wasn’t strong enough to bear the weight of my mom’s departure. Adding on to this was that most of the day he was gone, working to keep the roof we had over our heads. He hired a slew of nannies to fill the empty days his job made, but I always complained about them. I felt like a stranger in my own life, with people I didn’t know making themselves at home in the house that felt foreign to me now. I really just wanted my mom and dad back, for them to come together, forgive each other in a heartfelt bout of passion, and make time for me in their lives again. But as a child, I quickly learned to stifle my hopes and stopped believing in such silly fairy tales.
My father felt guilty about the whole thing, I could see it in his eyes. Even back then I knew the look of someone trying their best and failing. It was the look my mother gave me every time she came home late on a Saturday night, a crestfallen look of disappointment in not me or my father, but herself. She had promised me that everything would be okay, that the fighting wasn’t anything but grown-up talk. “A family,” she said, “always stays together”. But soon, all I got was promises that didn’t lead anywhere. The two of them made so many promises that if they were worth anything, I’d have been the richest kid in the world.
But all I got was a trip to a daycare, a way for my father to remedy this guilt, to distance himself from the reminder of all the promises he had failed to keep.
According to his searches from the time, he stumbled upon Sunny Smiles Daycare in his search, seeing it was new, very close by. It had only been open for a month and had nothing but five star reviews, with no justification as to the rating under any of the comments. When looking at their website, it is described as a “government owned amenity here to serve families in need. We are expanding everyday, and with the help of certain patrons we have expanded to the national level”. According to the FBI, whom which I have spoken to at length about my experiences, no federal or state funds from any agency were allocated to construct a national daycare system. However, there is documentation from congressional records of a meeting of the Committee of Education and the Workforce passing an anonymous bill into Congress to be voted on. When interviewed, none of the members of the committee recalled voting on such a bill, and no record of whether the bill was ratified or not was found.
One night, my father called for me from the ground floor. I cautiously maneuvered down the long, spiral stairs, gripping tightly onto the railing so as not to tumble down the treacherous staircase, my fear of heights taking hold even at such a young age. As I rounded the stairs, I saw my father standing in the living room, hands on his hips, tapping his foot rapidly. He had come home in a gray suit, tailored to his filled out build, with neat, dark hair combed over to hide his large, reflective forehead. As I completed my descent, my father turned to me, a smile so wide that the strain was practically audible on his face. I didn’t think much of it then, if anything I was happy that my father finally showed me something other than his inner struggles.
“Hey buddy, guess what we are gonna do tomorrow?” he said, his smile practically bursting out of his face.
“What?” I asked, his excited expression acting as a pathogen of enthusiasm.
“Tomorrow, you're going to go to a new place. It’s called Sunny Smiles Daycare. It’s a place where you can make tons of new friends. Isn’t that exciting?” he led me on in the way that parents do. I was confused.
“Sunny Smiles Daycare,” I repeated hollowly, spitting the words out due to their funny taste in my mouth.
“Will you come with me?” I asked tentatively, bracing for disappointment.
“No buddy, they don’t let grown-ups like me in. It’s just for you kids. But hey, I bet you're gonna have so much fun that you’ll forget all about me. I bet you won’t even want to leave,” he promised, trying to redirect the impact of his answer. I had heard the same speech often. Every time he laid down some shiny new thing at my feet, hoping to placate me with sacrifices like I was some bloodthirsty deity, he tried to convince me that this time, the hole bored into my heart would finally be filled with this cheap, flashy toy. And for the most part, I went along with it, both to find salvation in something frivolous and to ease my father’s own guilty demons. And this was no different. In as excited a voice I could muster I replied “I can’t wait!” The smile he wore shrunk a bit, but in turn, it looked much less plastic, and more real, a warmth returning to his features.
“I’m glad little man. You hungry?” I nodded vigorously.
“Great, what do ya want?”
“Dino nuggets,” my favorite.
My father nodded, before rushing off to the kitchen in order to prepare a gourmet serving of dino nuggets. I followed, clumsily running to catch up to him, desperate for the warmth of his smile once more.
“How your day go?” I asked rather clumsily. I had learned the basic abcs and enough words to speak, but the construction of sentences was something I had struggled with. I rarely talked at all and didn’t get many chances to do so.
“It was great, bud! I talked to a lady at the daycare we are gonna go to tomorrow, and she said they have over 50 kids there! They’ve got coloring books and dollies and even a playground inside! They’ve got books and paint an-” I started to tune out. He was still trying to sell me on the whole daycare thing. That was all he talked about the rest of the night, describing every detail of the place to me. Looking back, even then, I felt a deep sense of restlessness each time he mentioned the name of the place. The feeling only grew more exacerbated the longer the night went on, chasing away sweet thoughts of sleep. Some of it was nerves, going from 1 stranger a day to 50 was certainly a big leap. But part of it was something I can’t explain in any other way than a premonition, a warning from a natural instinct that laid long dormant in me came screaming to the surface. I did not sleep well that night. The morning of, my father woke me up early, saying that he needed to get to work, but would drop me off at the daycare on the way. I obliged, changing out of my Lightning McQueen onesie into tiny jeans and a brown and white striped shirt with a large smiling monkey face on the front. Monkeys were my favorite animal, mainly because they liked bananas just as much as I did. I did my daily duties of brushing my teeth, and messing around with my hair until I was happy with the ratty mess I had made. I once again fearfully journeyed down the stairs. My dad was tapping his foot at the bottom of the stairs, annoyance instead of excitement being the cause.
“Come on bud, we gotta get going or I’m gonna be late,”. he says, as if his meaningless deadline would incentivize me to overcome my fear and move faster.
I reach the bottom step, where my dad promptly scoops me up in his arms, and with his briefcase and a backpack in hand, we speed out of the house. We fly down the stairs leading down from the large wooden porch, my father gripping onto the black metal railing so as not to slip on the cliff-like stairs. He snaked through the cobblestone pathway that led from our stairs to the driveway. Both were in rough condition. Crabgrass riddled the grooves in the path, and the asphalt had long, outstretched cracks that had formed due to the roots of a nearby sycamore tree undermining the pavement. The lawn was an unkempt jungle of overgrown grass, weeds, dandelions, and mushrooms. Dad used to mow it once a week in the summer, but the habit had fallen off in the past year.
Dad threw open the back door of the red minivan, and quickly strapped me into the ragged, stained car seat. He clumsily struggled with the seatbelt, his inexperience with morning procedures on full display. He finally resigned himself, tying the belt straps together into a tight knot that compressed harshly on my chest. I remember my breathing being shallow during the majority of the ride. With me secured, he threw the backpack over next to me, closed the door, and got in the front seat.
“Dad, I don’t go,” I said. “I don’t like,”
“Why buddy? We haven’t even gotten there yet,” Dad asked, his voice rising in pitch, as he started the ignition.
“I don’t like,” I repeated, louder and firmer this time.
“Why don’t you just give it a few days, just two or three days, and if you truly hate it, then we’ll find a different place okay sweetie?” He asked, forcing his voice to smooth out, as we turned out of our bumpy driveway and started off. There wasn’t much I could do after that. He did not respond well to temper tantrums, and I knew that it would not end well for either of us if I started yelling. He was too jumpy, and didn’t have the long fuse constructed over many long nights of staying awake with your kid.
Once, I dropped a glass of orange juice. The glass shattered in a loud crackle, like thunder mixed with pop rocks, and they scattered away from the initial blast, in fear of the storm that was barreling down the stairs.
“What happened?!” my father yelled as he stomped through the house. I realize now that his shouting was out of concern more than anger, but as a child, it’s hard to tell the difference when someone is screaming at you. I looked up at him, fat watery tears streaming down my face as I bawled loudly, practically shouting myself.
My dad grabbed a handful of paper towels, and started roughly padding my fuzzy blue shirt.
“Are you hurt?” he yelled again, voice wavering. This only made my cries louder, bordering on hysterical now as I continued to blubber.
My dad grunted in strained frustration. He combed his hair frantically, eyes darting around wildly, completely overwhelmed by the scene before him. Unable to take my wailing any longer he leaned down, grabbed me by the arm, and shook me violently.
“Are you hurt!” He screamed, shocking me into silence.
I stood stunned. My dad quickly removed his hands from me, purple bruises welding up along my arms like bad tattoos.
“I’m sorry bud, I thought you were hurt and you wouldn’t answer me and I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”. It was all he could say. I made sure not to scream or cry around him from then on.
We drove for about 10 minutes, before a large, pastel building of soft blues, yellows, and greens came into view. I knew about 5 minutes before it came into view where it was, my face retracting further into the car seat, as if bracing for a bomb to fall.
It was a massive building. The front looked normal enough, a box almost entirely made of windows aside from the wiry wooden frame separating them, and the large fluorescent red door surrounded by a black wooden outline. This was partially obscured by large red brick pillars that held up a concrete awning. Behind that, stood a massive dome, like an igloo made out of yellow snow. Sun patterns covered the dome-like orange polka dots.
The building unnerved me. Something about it wasn’t quite right, like my father’s own strained smile. It looked like it was trying too hard, trying to look like what all parents wanted to see when they dropped their kids off.
“See?” My father said from the front seat, fake excitement dripping from his voice.
“It looks so fun!” he said. He was fishing for an enthusiastic response, but all I could muster was quiet indifference.
We turned into the lot, navigating through the crowded rows of cars, parked haphazardly. Every spot was filled. A long line of cars slowly advanced next to the concrete curve, advancing toward the dropping-off points. Other cars, though, stopped where they were, and removed their kid from the car seat. Some didn’t even have them in car seats, and simply stopped while the kids got out themselves. The kids looked scared, sad, and hurt, the latter of which I could identify with. It was the look I often felt myself giving when I was being forgotten or I was alone. The former two, I would soon come to know quite well.
As soon as the door closed, the car would speed out from the line and out of the lot. Even strangers were kids who walked from the parking lot. These kids all had filth-splotched faces, torn-up rags for clothes, thin hair, and hollow eyes. They walked slowly, without regard for the honking cars and disapproving looks from parents who had almost hit them. They didn’t even look up as they filed into the daycare. My dad chimed in.
“Oh poor kids. How can a parent watch their child go out into the world like that? Is no one feeding them?” He muttered under his breath in an angry tone. He hated seeing the cries of those who were suffering go unanswered, especially children. It was why he became a doctor.
The cars slowly moved, dropping their kids off one by one, some making more of a ceremony of it than others. Stifled tears, verklempt looks, and the all too familiar fake smiles were all congregated at the entrance to the daycare. Guardian to said entrance stood two women, garbed in an all-white dress, apron, and gloves with silver hair and peculiar white hats. It looked like one of those paper hats kids made, but it was made of cloth and like her, stood at stiff attention and bore an opaque smiling face. They were surrounded by a flock of frantic parents, each desperately commanding their attention with little facts about their special angle. Allergies, snack preferences, and in the case of some, medication were all conveyed with deathly urgency. Dad stopped the car, turning to me and smiling. Not an insincere one, but one of sympathy and comfort.
“It’s gonna be okay sweetie. I know this has all been so much for you, so thank you for being so brave with me,” he promised. I smiled back in turn, meaning it this time.
He then exited the car, came around to the backseat, and untied me from the car seat. He grabbed the backpack and carried me over to the cement awning that shaded the walkway.
He carried me over to the two ladies, past the line of fellow downtrodden children, and dropped me a few feet away from the crowd of squawking parents.
“Hold on just a second now sweetie, I’ll be right back,” he said. I stood awkwardly, trying as much as I possibly could to fold into myself as the limp bodies of my peers stumbled past me, all light-looking to have long left their eyes. One was different though. A young girl in a pink and red polka-dotted dress with an accompanying bow in her soft ginger hair to match. She was holding a small, beaten-up brown patchwork teddy bear with its left eye missing. The back of it was torn open, stuffing flopping out of it. Around her neck was a collar of raspy, raw skin, like some wild animal had tried to tear out her jugular with its claws. She had pretty green eyes which continued to glance at me as she passed. Right before she went through the red door, she hesitated, turned around, and quickly waddled over to me. She placed her face incredibly close to me, and I recoiled out of shock. I could still make out her whispers though, “When they ask, don’t tell,”.She quickly turned away, glancing back at me with worried eyes. I looked after her, confused and more scared than before. As my eyes wandered, I looked up to one of the women answering parental questions, and she continued to do so. However, her eyes were transfixed to the polka-dot girl, and once she entered the daycare, they shifted to me. It was what I could only describe as a friendly stare, or at least, one that appeared to be. She looked like she was sizing me up. I held her gaze for only a second, and wished I hadn’t even done that. I commanded my eyes to look anywhere, anywhere but the woman’s shriveled, pit-like eyes that begged for my attention. My eyes traced out the outline of the red door, slowly taking in each groove and scratch that thick coats of paint weren’t able to cover. As I looked above the red gate, I was greeted with words scrawled at the top in shaky black letters. I didn’t know what I said then, but looking back I do now. They read “Welcome to Home”.
“Calvin, come here!” my dad said, snapping me out of my awkward stare. I shuffled over to my dad, reaching out and clinging to his arm. Both of the silver-haired women turned to look at me, moving through the crowd of parents with polite “excuse me’s” and “let us pass for a moment’s”, all while not taking their eyes off of me. They strode over to my dad, one addressing my dad and the other bending down to my level, still staring at me. She bent perfectly straight at the hips, but went down no further, her face mere millimeters from mine. I shrunk closer to my father, who was seemingly too preoccupied talking about my peanut allergy to notice the creepy woman staring at his kid.
“What is your name?” She asked. I pressed even further away from her due to her voice, which scratched at my ears like sandpaper. I remembered what the polka-dot girl said, and did everything in my power to not give her an answer, instead tugging on Dad’s pant leg, pleading for his attention.
“What is your name?” She probed again, this time her voice only a supple whisper. I almost couldn’t stop myself as my name rushed up my throat like hot vomit I needed to choke back. It was like she had reached her hand into my brain and was massaging it, hoping to coax out an answer. I knew she knew already, she had heard my dad call it only a few moments ago. But she wanted me to say it, to hear the word escape my lips. I was afraid to speak at all because if I did, I knew my name would come out. I didn’t even know what would happen, but the visceral fear I had of what might happen kept my lips sewn shut.
I tugged more and more desperately on my father’s leg, but he didn’t even look at me. He was still talking to the silver woman about who knows what. Who knows what he was telling her?
“What is your name?” the lady asked again, this time grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I tried to yank my hand away, but her grip was vice-like. She clamped down hard, I was sure a bruise would form. Looking back now, she likely knew that out of what she could do then, that would hurt the most. My eyes darted around, my brain overwhelmed by a gut-wrenching fear that poured into me from the woman’s touch. It was so cold I couldn’t feel my arm anymore, and the numbing sensation was spreading quickly. I looked for anyone, any adult who could see what was happening and put a stop to it, but everyone seemed to be conveniently occupied with something else. Time seemed to slow down and warp, leaving just me and the woman in our pocket of isolation. Voices faded out into warped chirping. I couldn’t tell you what they were saying, but with every passing moment, they got louder and louder. Numbing fear spread all throughout my body, reaching up and crawling into my mouth and swelling my tongue, pushing back the scream that was clawing its way up my throat. My eyes began to go numb, and the tears that welled up froze over my eyes blocking my vision. They were being squeezed like oranges being juiced. My arms and legs froze and turned weak, brittle enough that a gust of wind would shatter them. Slowly, I could sense my heartbeat getting slower and slower.
“You ready buddy?” My father’s coarse hand tapped my shoulder, and the glass bubble of nightmares that surrounded me and that woman shattered. Time came roaring back and all the pressure inflicted on my feeble body vanished, and the woman hastily stood up. Tears sprung free from their icy barrier as I turned to my father and looked up.
“Hey, woah, buddy what’s wrong? What’s going on?” he bent down to me, clumsily wiping away my tears. All I could do was shake my head vigorously, lips still quivering. I tried to speak but I knew the woman was still staring at me. I could feel her gaze honed in on the back of my head like a laser. As long as her eyes were fixed on me, I didn’t dare speak. Even now, I feel dizzy, my name on the tip of my tongue.
“We see this type of display daily. Children and caretakers alike are so rarely prepared to be separate. It’s an emotional moment, but we have found that adversity only ends in growth and prosperity for the pair” one of the women says, a sugary sweetness now oozing from her demeanor.
“Don’t worry buddy, your guardian will be back, and while he is attending to his duties, you will have the honor of being a part of our family,” the other silver-haired woman says, turning to me with a toothy grin. Most of her words were too big for me to understand. Though, I doubt I would need to hear her speak to understand. The stares they would give us were all we needed to know what they were saying, and yet they still put us through the torture of their scratchy speech.
“We are extremely excited to meet you!” the pair said in unison.
“You sure you're okay, bud?” Dad asked again, still not convinced. With both of them looking at me now, there was no way I was saying anything. I sent a pleading look to my dad, hoping that my covert correspondence wouldn’t go unnoticed. But apparently, my own father didn’t know me well enough to see how shaken I really was. He gave me a final look of sorry, before he bent down, gave me a tight hug, stood up, and handed me the backpack. Then he began to depart
“Listen buddy I’ll see you tonight. I put all your favorite stuff in that bag okay? I love you so much.” His voice wavered a bit, coughing a bit to try and regain composure. He looked at me, torn, between what he wanted to believe and what he could see. All I could do was stand there and watch my father throw his only son to the wolves. He walked back to the car, buckled in, and gave me a final look of a wide smile with conflicting, tear-soaked eyes, before exiting the line of cars and driving off.
An overwhelming wave of dread washed over me as I watched my lifeline drift away. Questions raced through my head, “When would he come back? Would he forget to come? How long can I not say my name for?”
I could feel them loom over me, like unwanted shadows creeping through the night.
“Come, it is time for you to enter,” the lady said, the sweetness now draining from her voice and face. A reproachful look now adorned her face. She stiffly pointed to the door, likely knowing that the meaning of her words was lost on me. I turned and made my way into the line of children still marching towards the gateway, dragging my feet. The gate itself seemed to pull me closer like death reaching its hand out from a coffin. The two ladies returned to their posts beside the door, dutifully tending to the needs of apprehensive parents. They made a last call, saying “All parents must deposit their offspring to the daycare. Activities are about to begin”.

June 2020 naalala ko, chariz!🤌 nakita ko lang kamakailan sa history ko sa lazada sa panahong yun ko binili ang first ever vibrator ko and lipstick vibes. Naalala ko when i chose that vibe, naalala ko talaga yung sa magazine ng tatay ko dati. As in sa adult magazine tapos may ad ng vibe. Maybe not exact pero ayun nga. It was a black wand na de saksak while use then de-scroll yung intensity nya. Yung lipstick vibes, Tiktok made me buy it, because of a girl talking about it. De battery naman yun. One AA battery. Delayed yun mga ladies and gents. Nakakahiya na the courier had to go back here sa bahay to deliver my little secret of a package 😆. Excited na kabado ka agoy andun pa lola ko ng nareceive buti di natanong kung ano yun. 😬. Nung itatry ko na, tried muna sa likod, yun sabi ko sa review "no more back pains" 🤭 pero irl pang kiffy pala pero yeah, sa lakas nun, sarap din sa likod. Cons for me, de saksak na short chord, maingay,(ako din umiingay pag gamit), walang variations ng vibrations, masyado mabilis makareach ng O, oo 10 seconds seeing stars ka na(bobo ko direkta kasi agad sa bean, atat), lastly kalaunan na use yung cup na rubber sa head at nagloosen. Pero masarap sya gamitin. Multiple Os nga. Yung pag lagay ko sa bean, overvthe clothes pa yun, tried ko i direct finish agad. Just realized nung time na yun na there are more to hands and how sensitive i am down there. 😄. Lipstick vibe, kebs lang. Bought three only used one. Nakatago na 😆. Utrong makafinish agad ih. Atat so yun lang.
-🤌🖤

Hello! I keep seeing many posts around many other Black Ladies who feel alone & alienated from our community. I personally am mixed [half-mexican & half-black] but I rarely meet any other black friends & constantly have to suffer being the token black person that explains why nonblacks shouldn't use the n-word & also reiterating, yes this is my real hair, no you can't touch it w ya dirty hands 😩🥱 & i'm so tired!! Lol. I need a fried who gets me, & I think a lot of y'all feel the same way 🤗😂
So I figured I should make a post for us to comment our hobbies, interests, & general area of location [[Please no specifics or overly-personal details - there's no way of vetting people who join the sub & better safe than sorry!!!]] that way we can find out if there are other, similar-minded girlies out there!
Please comment your interests, what kind of friendship you're looking for [[irl/penpal/discord/etc]] & just a few points about yourself that you think others would find interesting!! I'll make a comment myself too 😎✌
Btw, one of our lovely Black Ladies on here made a sub called alternativeblackgirl for those of us who also enjoy alternative music!! It's brand-new, if you enjoy that sort of stuff please join & comment to help get our alt community going 🤘🖤🎼
Have a blessed day, & good luck!! 💌🕊🖤🍀 ciao!!

DC Next presents:

Suicide Squad

Issue Forty-One: Boogie Nights
Arc: A New World
Written by Deadislandman1
Edited by Predaplant
 
 
“I mean, I never expected anyone to come after me, but then again, I haven’t had my… talents for a while now. Can the illustrious double act tell me who’s backing them?”
“...”
“Oh, right! I gotta give you permission to speak!”
With the snap of his fingers, Harley and Mayo felt like they could finally breathe. They broke their flash pose, returning to a slow and undemanding dance in which they twirled around each other. The rest of the room assumed similar positions, dancing in a circular manner around what had now become the central pair. The mustached man in the suit tapped along to the music, doing his own solo act alongside the pair before continuing, “C’mon now, spill your secrets to the Music Meister?”
“Oh, a musician, eh? You sing too?” Harley asked, her voice beginning to peak. “Cause if you do, you’re gonna have to do it through a tube when I’m done with you-”
The Music Meister snapped his fingers once again, and Harley’s eyes widened as she was silenced once again. He chuckled before shuffling next to Mayo, continuing his dance to maintain eye contact with the one-eyed villain. “Oh, she’s wonderful. Great pick, my good man. Wish I was that lucky.”
Mayo didn’t speak, instead taking the time to glare at Music Meister. Even with the eyepatch, he didn’t have much of an intimidation factor. Rather, he was trying to buy time so that he could pick up on anything the Meister had up his sleeves. For the moment he was helpless; he didn’t have much control over his body, but he was still aware. He could still figure out how this guy worked, how his control worked, and how to stop it.
“We’re self employed as it were, hoping to get an edge on the market,” Mayo remarked. “We’re Gothamites; we know Mad Hatter’s tech when we see it.”
“Oh, that weirdo? I’m a little insulted with the comparison, even if my innovations give his tech actual flavor,” Music Meister mused. “He has his… unhealthy obsessions. All of this? It’s more of an… invested hobby.”
“You’re taking control of a nightclub full of people, making them dance to your whims… for fun?” Mayo exclaimed.
“Oh, my good man. There’s no shame in putting in the effort to fulfill the simplest of pleasures! People like dancing, I’ve liked to dance for as long as I can remember? What’s the harm in sharing that gift with everyone else? They hear my music and voila, magic!”
Mayo squinted. Whoever this man was, he had an ego, like most villains. He also gave away that whatever this was was rooted in Mad Hatter’s tech, meaning that it wasn’t rooted to him, though that didn’t explain why he was immune. Most importantly, whatever controlled Mayo and Harley was sound based. They had to hear it first.
Before he could think more on the matter though, a voice chimed into his earpiece, “Mayo, what the hell is going on? Why haven’t you reported back?”
Mayo clammed up, but it wasn’t enough to stop Music Meister from picking up on the fact that something was off. Snapping his fingers again, he forced Mayo and Harley to stay still, tapping his feet as he made his way to Mayo’s side. Spotting the earpiece with ease, he plucked it out of Mayo’s head, inspecting it, “Self-employed, are you? Not sure I believe you anymore.”
“What the- Who the fuck is this?” Lok barked.
Mayo’s eyes widened, “It’s the music! He’s controlling us with the Musi-”
Music Meister snapped his fingers yet again, and Mayo’s jaw slammed shut. He wanted to grunt in pain as his teeth slammed into one another, causing a shock to run through his whole head, yet he was denied even that by the music. Music Meister put the earpiece up to his own head, only to find static emitting from the instrument. Disappointed, he dropped the earpiece and stamped on it, crushing it under his heels before turning back to Mayo and Harley.
“Now, Now! Who, might I ask… was that?”
 
 
“Shit. Shit. Shit!”
Lok threw his headphones across the van, stumbling out of his chair. His labored breathing quickened, paired with bullet sized sweat droplets that ran all the way down his scarred face. Only a few missions back in the saddle, and now his operatives were captured, all under his watch. Their lives were in danger, and he needed to do something about it, even if they did their best to piss him off.
Racing to different parts of the van, Lok began to arm himself, a plan coming together in his head. If what Mayo had said was true, the music was the villain’s main avenue of control, so earplugs would be crucial. It helped that he only needed one. If he could block out the sound, he could block out the control. He’d be immune. Picking up an earplug, he stuffed it in his left ear, not bothering with what was left of his right ear.
Secondly, he needed a weapon. He had no guarantee that whoever this was didn’t have some kind of combat training, and he’d need every edge he could get. Opening a locker near the back of the van, Lok gazed at a small armory of guns, scanning the armaments for something good. It was a packed nightclub, so a rifle of any kind wouldn’t fare well in that scenario. People could get hurt. Instead, he reached for a pistol, confident that he was still a good enough shot to make it quick. Looking down at himself, he got the sense that his casual clothing was the best fit for the job. The better he blended in, the higher the likelihood he’d go unnoticed. Confident, he reached for the van door, only to stop dead in his tracks.
What was he doing?! All gung-ho, just like the old days. This was how he almost got blown to smithereens. He’d already been thinking on how to salvage things himself, with a bullet in the head of whoever had control over his teammates. That’d just leave a body, a whole lot of witnesses, and a failed mission. He had to be more methodical, free his teammates so they could take this bastard down together.
He took a grenade to save his fellow soldier. He could certainly take a risk to try and save his squadmates. The only question was… how was he going to do that?
Lost in thought, Lok absentmindedly hung his head, his gaze drifting the loose pair of headphones on the ground. In his rush to get them off, he had broken them against the van floor, the speakers poking out through the headphone’s fabric. They were broken now, unusable, and as Lok stared at his work… he smiled.
He knew exactly what to do now.
 
 
“Don’t stop now. Vamanos! Vamanos!”
Harley felt nauseous as the music intensified, a vibrant and energetic salsa beat flooding through the speakers. She and Mayo danced with grace and rhythm, forced into a fast and furious set of spins and wiggles that stretched their ability to stay upright. They did a lot of running and a lot of fighting, but dancing was somehow an entirely different beast. The rest of the room followed their example, with the same terrified expressions written all over their faces, having firmly realized that they were not in control of their own bodies. Only the Music Meister didn’t follow suit, tapping along in a much less strenuous motion.
As they hit another freeze pose, the Music Meister sighed, “Alright, come on now! You can be subjected to more salsa, and at this point I think your feet are gonna start bleeding… or you can spill the beans. What’s it gonna be?”
Mayo huffed and puffed, doing everything he could to get air back into his lungs, “You’d… You’d like bleeding feet, wouldn’t you? You seem like that kind of guy.”
“Ooh, a nasty insult from one-eye. Why don’t you take a second and buzz off?” Music Meister waved his hand, and Mayo found himself compelled to separate from Harley, forced to dance with someone else. He wanted to hold on tight, to refuse to go. He’d rather lose his hand than let go willingly, but his body just wouldn’t listen to him. As he disappeared into the crowd, the Meister himself took Harley’s hand, and began to dance with her, moving at a much slower pace to a much slower song.
“He seems nice… if a bit awkward,” Music Meister chimed. “Could always do better.”
Harley sneered, “I thought you wanted to know who we worked for?”
“Priorities change, especially with a lovely lady such as yourself in front of me!”
Harley grimaced. This guy was just annoying her with his lame lines, but she quite literally couldn’t do anything about it so long as the music was still playing. This guy didn’t seem to really know what he wanted either, jumping erratically from topic to topic. It made it hard to gauge what kind of weaknesses she could exploit. Lost in thought, she was taken off guard as Music Meister awkwardly swept her leg, forcing her to fall backwards in order for the Meister to catch her. As she hit this freeze frame, her head swung back from the sudden stop, and as Meister forced her to hold the pose, the blood rushed to her brain.
This sucked. This really sucked.
However, just as hope seemed lost, Harley spotted a figure creeping at the edge of the crowd, despite being held upside down in a sense. Even with the hood on, she could see the scarred side of Lok’s face as he snuck along the perimeter of the crowd, making his way across the room. Following his potential path, Harley spotted the DJ booth behind a particularly large group of people, neon spotlights whirling around from behind frosted glass.
If Lok could stop the music, the Meister would be finished. She’d make it so, but to do that she had to make sure Lok wasn’t spotted. The Music Meister pulled her back to her feet, locking eyes with her. “What’s wrong Babe, something got your tongue?”
Harley searched his face for any sign of weakness. If he looked away from her, he’d see Lok. He grinned, bearing a smile full of bravado, ego, and misplaced confidence. He had power over her, he had dominion.
And he needed the Music to do it.
Harley smirked, “Why do you need it?”
“Need what?”
“The Music,” Harley asked. “Why do you need the music?”
“Well…” The Music Meister smiled, hiding his sense of confusion. “You need music to dance, silly!”
“You know I’m not talkin’ about that. I mean the way you use it to control people!” Harley said. “Hatter always used it to fulfill his sick fantasies, the stuff he couldn’t convince people to do of their own volition. I’m thinking maybe you’ve got more in common with him than you think.”
“What? What are you talking about?!” Music Meister tried his best to keep his composure, but the cracks were already showing. “I’m just getting them to dance! They were doing that already!”
“To your whims, and that’s just it,” Harley remarked. “I’ve noticed something. We’re all dancing our keisters off, doing crazy spins and twirls, and you’re just tapping your feet. You and me don’t compute when we dance; you throw me around like a bowling ball. I haven’t seen you do half as much as everyone else, and I think I know why.” Harley grinned. “You can’t dance.”
Music Meister’s eyes widened, “You- Wha- I can dance!”
“Sure, but not like the rest of us. Ain’t no shame in that, but there is shame in forcing people to dance with you.” Harley began to giggle. “I mean, the hair grease, the suit, the mustache, you’re trying so hard because you wanna boogie down with someone, but you don’t have the sauce! People don’t wanna dance with you, so you force ‘em!”
“No! I can dance. I can dance!” Music Meister shouted.
“Then prove it! Turn up the music! Let’s tango! Prove yourself!”
Gritting his teeth, the Music Meister snapped his fingers again, and the music shifted abruptly, returning to the upbeat, fast, and furious tunes that set the stage for salsa. Taking Harley’s arms, the Meister began to speed up, forcing Harley to match his speed. However, as the music sped up, and Harley with it, Meister began to slip up. A trip here, a slip there. He began to fall behind, unable to keep up with the intensity of the dance. Eventually, he attempted to do a slide, only to twist his ankle in the process. Yelping in pain, he fell, taking Harley down with him in his hubris.
“Agh! Fuck!” Music Meister yowled, clutching his ankle. Harley picked herself up, almost spirited to a standing position by the music as she rose above Music Meister. She smirked, “Knew it. You’re just like Tetch… a damn creep who tries to cover up his own insecurities.”
Music Meister growled before forcing himself to his feet, wobbling in the process on one leg. Pulling back his fist, he swung at Harley, hoping to crack the helpless villain right in the face, only to stop dead when her hand shot up to meet it, catching his punch in midair. Eyes wide, he realized in that moment that music had entirely cut out. Glancing up at the DJ booth, he spotted Lok exiting the chambers, a smile on his face
“H-How?!”
“Just a little help from my friends, not that you’d know what having friends is like.” She nodded to someone behind the Meister. “You wanna do this on your own?”
Meister turned around, only to come face to face with Mayo. The one eyed villain cracked his knuckles, “Nah, let’s do it together.”
Before Music Meister could respond, Harley and Mayo both cracked him in the jaw from opposite sides, knocking him out instantly.
 
 
As far as Suicide Squad missions go, this one was actually pretty low-key. The crowd was easily dispersed, with Lok passing the three of them off as undercover cops, and Music Meister and his tech were easily locked away in the van. The automobile rumbled along the road, making its way out of the city and into the country on its way back to Belle Reve. As the tall buildings and flashing lights of urban sprawl were replaced with rolling fields of apple trees and cow pastures, the three squadmates settled into a more relaxing routine. Lok found himself comfortable in the driver’s seat, paying close attention to the road. At the same time, Mayo and Harley sat next to each other in the back, leaning on each other for support.
Mayo sighed, gingerly taking Harley’s hand, “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“Aw, don’t worry, Mitch. He was creepy, but he didn’t leave me with any shiners. Just a stiff neck, the guy can’t catch a gal like you can,” Harley replied.
“Hey, I’ll always be there to catch you,” Mayo smiled. After losing an eye and a bit of his memory, the back of a van was paradise so long as he shared the space with the woman of his dreams. Tired, he began to rest his head on Harley’s shoulder, who returned the gesture by resting her own head on his. However, before she nodded off, her eyes drifted over to Lok, who kept his eyes firmly ahead of him.
“Hey,” Harley said. “Lok?”
“Yes?” Lok didn’t turn back to regard her, but he did adjust the rear view mirror so he could see her. “What is it?”
“Listen… I know I was really egging you on back there but… you came through for us. Just wanted to let you know I appreciated that.”
“Well… don’t worry about it. It’s my job.”
Harley chuckled, “Wow… you sound just like him.”
“Like who?”
Harley smiled, “Colonel Flag.”
With that, Harley drifted off to sleep, leaving Lok alone in the car. While it was a long drive back to the swamps of Louisiana, Lok didn’t feel much in the way of shame or anxiety. No… he felt pride.
It was good to have brothers and sisters in arms again.
 
Next Issue: Heavy Hitters!
 

Rolling onto Marcus’ bare chest, the sight of our clothes scattered everywhere had my cheeks burning a bright scarlet. Swinging my feet over the edge of the bed, the door swinging open had me tugging on one of my oversized t-shirts over my head. Tarot floated into the space, his boots touching the floor. A pocket watch shaped envelope fluttered in his palm, my shaking fingers curling around it. The time council had a task set for me and there was no way out of it. Ripping it open, the image of a time worm had me chewing on my lips. The odd thought of Tarot delivering this to me had alarm bells going off, his pensive expression far from his usual one. Fishing around his pocket, his quaking hand pressed a photo of a demon witch with wild neon waves and matching neon green eyes. Noting her tall but flawless hourglass figure, a matching smile had me putting two and two together. Packing a bag with supplies, the image of her neon green flaming motorcycle flashing in my head. A pale hand reached for me, her inky lips mouthing the word help.
“One can assume that is your daughter.” I pointed out simply, his eyes averting to the floor. “Consider your daughter found, Tarot. If my friend needs me, then my assistance will come swiftly.” Fighting tears in his eyes, my brow cocked in disbelief. An abrupt embrace had my eyes rounding with surprise, my fingers peeling my pendant off my neck. As snarky as I was, the desire to save people is what kept me going. Stepping back while scratching the back of his neck, a flurry of tarot cards whisked him away. Rolling my eyes, his lack of information wasn’t unusual. Creating a line with my pendant as I tugged my socks and boots, the underbelly of time hummed to life. Crossing into the swirling colors, the simple ivory path met the heel of my boots. Shutting the opening behind me, Marcus could exchange harsh words with me later. Besides, the rules strictly banned his presence. Dropping my pendant over my neck, the scent of the worm had to be somewhere. Draping my bag over my shoulder, the time thread weighed a ton. Walking along the path, the plan went through my mind. First thing first, find the worm and kill it. Second, the culprit had to be hunted down and executed. Thirdly, his daughter needed to be brought back home. A quiet voice had me spinning on my heels with a twitching smirk, Saby bouncing up to me with a big smile on her face. Stifling my initial frustration, the hole she fell through had the shimmering worm I was looking for. Ordering her to stay, my dagger expanded from its charm form. Floating over my head, my dagger flipped over my fingers. Aiming for its heart, violet energy built around my palm. Flicking it in the direction of a vital organ, another blast of magic had the dagger sinking into the heart. Shriveling while screaming out in pain, a sea of holes greeted my irritated grimace. Drying into a sparkling powder, problem number one was solved. Catching my fallen dagger, the damage had to be repaired. Putting Saby on my back, a quick warning had her arms hugging my neck. Building energy around my boot, a big ball hummed to life. Pushing off the ground, her real smile never left her face the whole ride back to where she fell. Setting her on her bed, I had work to do. Summoning my slumber powder, a quick blow had violet dust glistening around her face. Collapsing back onto her pillow, cool air lashed at my cheeks the moment I jumped back into my original destination. Whistling sharply, a clear bubble caught my feet. Shifting through my bag, my fingers curled around the glowing needle and thread. Threading it with ease, these attacks were becoming more common. Moving the five foot needle with ease, a secure knot granted me permission to move on to the next one. Cutting off the end with my dagger, the bubble carried me to the next one. Working for several hours, the mistakes had been corrected and the holes were sealed shut with the finest of thread. Lowering me to the pathway, my empty footfalls echoed in the big space of time bubbles. Coming into the city, one person would be able to help me out. Marble homes lined the street, a scarlet Victorian home sang out boisterous swing music. This guy had given me issues before, a low growl rumbling in my throat. Marching up to the door, a swift kick had the door flying across the room. His guests scurried out, my dagger spinning in my palm. A golden haired man with golden hourglass eyes approached me, his arms folded across his shimmering emerald suit. His waves floated around his shoulders, my own fingers running through my snarled waves. Fixing my bangs, his hourglass irises flipped several times. What an asshole!
“You have looked better.” He teased cruelly, a haughty fit of laughter exploding from his lips. “I can feel your mental health decaying. Did you have to see your filthy past? I could erase it for y-” Pressing the sharp edge of my dagger into his neck, my patience was wearing thin. Hissing a few curse words, he had no right to bring up such a thing.
“I may not be able to kill you but I can hurt you real well.” I promised with a sarcastic smirk, punching him in the gut with a ball of built up energy. Doubling over, golden blood painted my boots. The Warden wasn’t my nickname for no reason, the council sending me to clean up their messes all the time. Kicking him in the stomach, the sickening crack of his spine snapping in half had him crumbling to the floor into a heap. Crouching down to his level, his rounded eyes met my tired expression.
“Where is the culprit and where is this woman?” I demanded hotly, pulling out the picture of the green haired woman. Noting his body quivering in fear, something was off about the situation. Shaking his head, his fingers clawed at the worn wooden floor. Mumbling something about the slave trade, the hilt of my dagger creaked in protest at my increasing grip. Dropping a healing potion by his hand, the bastard would be okay by tomorrow. Sprinting onto the pathway, the doorway to the lower realm of time creaked open. Sprinting down the ancient stone stairs, screams and groans had me cursing under my breath. Darting around the cages of trapped monsters, a cloaked figure a few inches shorter than me floated by. Sniffing the air, I began to chew my lip out of a nervous habit. Sensing Glanda’s energy, the pieces all came together. That wicked witch had sent a worm into the realm of time. The poor monsters crying out for help, my heart shattering into pieces. Too tired to fight her, her death was on the chopping block anyway. Sneaking through the shadows, a crumbled up version of the woman in the picture had my heart breaking. Most of her hair had been cut off, no life remaining in her eyes. Hitting the walls of keys, Marcus sure would create a fantastic distraction right about now. The colors drained from my cheeks, Glanda snapping her head in my direction. Sucking in a deep breath, her neon green eyes followed me throwing all the keys into her rusty cage. Getting down inches from her face, her numb gaze frightened me. Sliding my hand through the bar, my hand cupped her cheek. Please don't be so broken that I can't get you out of here.
“I need you to let yourself out and then help the other monsters out. I have a problem to deal with.” I begged with my genuine smile, her shaking hands grabbing mine. Glanda snapped her fingers, several masked demons gathering behind her. Dropping her hands, my dagger spun in my palms. Violet flames flickered to life around me, Glanda commanding them to kill me. My hair floated up, hers doing the same. When was she going to go head to head with me?
“Quit being a bitch and fight me yourself.” I challenged her with a wicked bout of laughter, my eager dagger ready to cut her into pieces. “Oh, I forgot. You aren’t heathen.” Charging at me, flames devoured my dagger. Dodging their attacks, a swift cut had three them screaming in crackling flames. Placing my feet out, two of them met the floor. A flick of my wrists sending the sharp edge of my dagger through their necks. Heads decayed to ash before they could hit my boot, horror rounding my eyes at the monster of a demon picking me up by my hair. Summoning my dagger, the hilt met my slick palm. Cutting my hair, my body smashed onto the marble floor. Too shocked to move, the beast of a demon tossed my hair to the side. A motor revving had me turning my head slowly, his daughter grinning sadistically. Neon flames covered the motorcycle, her shouting move had me rolling out of the way. The monsters ran back into their own dimensions, Glanda joining them. Popping to my feet, she wasn’t going to get away without a bruise. Switching the plant part of my powers, a thick vine shot from my palm, the thinner tip whipping her back towards me. A triumphant grin lingered on my defiant expression, a fit of cruel laughter bursting from my lips. Tossing her about, it was her turn to feel the other side of what she did. Pausing for a moment, our jaws dropped at the bike flying into his head. Tapping her neon green pendant three times, a flaming ball of fire shoved its way down the demon’s throat. A cloud of smoke obscured her landing, her arm scooping me up. Driving up the stairs, the wheels squealed in protest as a jet of flames cut off my connection to Glanda. Hugging her waist, she had to have a couple of inches on me. Smiling back at me, the freedom in her eyes was infectious. Light returned to her neon green eyes, the glow reminding me of fireflies on a cool summer night.
“Get us out of here!” She shouted over the rumbling of her engine, a confident smile illuminating her features. “Glanda will retaliate at any moment.” She wasn’t wrong, an army of demons were heading our way. Plucking my pendant off of my neck, curiosity twinkled in her eyes at me spinning it around clockwise. The pendant spun around faster, a blast of energy knocking us back into the day my mother was murdered. Panicking at the light dying down in my pendant, my powers had been drained. Dragging into the alleyway near my home, a snap of her fingers had the bike going invisible. My three year old self watched out the window in her bright overalls and striped t-shirt with her hands pressed against the window, the color draining from my cheeks for the millionth time today. A clammy sweat drenched my skin, every breath growing shorter. My piggish father dragged my mother out by her dark brown hair, her face facing in the opposite direction of us. My younger self banged on the window, my father slamming her fist into her head until her desperate pleas quieted down. Ruby pooled around her body, my father snapping his furious gaze in her direction. Ripping the door open, his daughter buried me in a hug. Listening to her screams had me trembling in her arms, her chin resting on my head. The wet sound of blood splattering the window had her emotions soaking the top of my head.
“No wonder you are so strong.” She whispered in a deflated tone, her finger lifting into the air. “How about I treat you to a wonderful meal several states away from her. Snapping her fingers, both of us had bell bottoms and white flowing shirts on. Lifting up my chin with her finger, a pair of scissors glistened in her hands. Spinning me around, the scissors moved a mile a minute. Pieces of my hair floated to my feet, her other hand holding my head straight. Seconds from snapping at her, she moved onto her own. Pouting in a rebellious manner, her snarky words had me liking her instantly.
“Don’t kill me but you cut your hair like a blind person. So I gave you an inverted bob with layers.” She teased sarcastically, a stifled laugh tumbling from my lips as she shaved the left side of the head. “Nice to see you laugh. So I heard you have a coven. May I join? Witchcraft has always interested me. I know the basics but I am a bit stuck.” Hesitation had me stepping back as I played with the hem of my shirt, her puppy dog eyes winning me over. Cutting my palm with my dagger, she slid the sharp edge of her scissors along her palm. Cupsing our hands together, an inky pocket watch tattoo poked out of the collar of her shirt. Fishing around my bag, tears welled up in my eyes at my mother’s silky handkerchief grazing the tips of my fingers. Standing on my toes, her kind smile never left her face at me tying the blue and orange handkerchief around her head.
“Take good care of it. That is the last thing I have of my mother.” I spoke with a mixture of sincerity and sternness, her head nodding once. “Keep being funny. Your sense of humor is refreshing. Now take me away.” Climbing onto her bike with her, my arms snaked around her waist. Revving the engine, adventure glowed in my eyes at the bike standing on one wheel. Several states passed by us, the hands on the neares clock moving a mere five minutes. Parking in front of a worn restaurant in Maine, the ocean waves crashed nearby. Turning a couple of knobs, the flames died down to reveal a normal black motorcycle. A vacancy sign blinked at a colorful motel across the way. Fishing round my bag, a wad of seventies dollar bills felt heavy in my palms. The witch who helped me grabbed my wrist the moment I hopped off, fright haunting her eyes. Cupping her hand, she had nothing to worry about.
“Get us a seat while I get a room. I can’t travel for a few hours at the least.” I comforted her, her mind fighting between being tough or vulnerable, a silver necklace catching my eyes. Reading the name Lightz, it didn’t take much for me to put it all together. Lightz was her name and a beautiful one at that. Spinning her towards me, my hands cupped her face. Abrupt tears told me that I shouldn’t leave her alone.
“Bring your bike over while I get us a room.” I caved, a lovely smile met mine. The right corner of her lips hanging over the left slightly, dirt crunching underneath her wheels as we crossed the road. Waiting outside, the bell announced my presence. A young blonde haired woman looked up from her magazine, her hand sliding over a ledger while smacking gum in her mouth. Fishing out the amount of money plus a bit extra to ensure our rest, a key hitting the tip of my finger. Wonderful personality, I thought sarcastically to myself. Taking a second look at her, her ice blue eyes met mine in a chilling stare.
“Watch your mouth in my motel or a punishment will be served.” She spoke coldly, running her hands through her perfect waves. Leaning onto the desk, a souvenir box caught my eyes behind her. Pretending that it didn’t affect me, a case had fallen right on my lap. Guiding her to the room, the key slid in with ease as she parked her bike outside. Locking it behind us, my pensive expression had her asking if I was okay. What made that woman tick? Thinking back to her nametag, Loretta flashed in my head. Lorretta had to be caught, an idea coming to mind. Maybe the locals knew about any disappearances, my brow cocking at a bottle of water hitting my face.
“Maybe you could be Sherlock Holmes after we eat. I am starving.” She joked with a biting tone, her hand resting on her hip. A long sigh drew from my lips. Huffing out a quick fine, that would give me the opportunity I desired. Locking the door behind us, her cold gaze met my defiant grin on my determined features. Bars would soon keep her in her new home, the orange sure to look lovely on her. Crossing the street, another bell announced our presence. Taking a seat at the worn wooden bar, the walls were lined with pictures of missing persons. Asking for a napkin, the similar brown hair and brown eyes spoke of a type. Borrowing a pen from the friendly but rather hairy bartender, eyes tracked me walking up to the missing people. Scribbling away, certain jewelry underneath their names would help me identify who was who. Plopping down at the bar, Lightz had ordered for me. The bell rang once more, Loretta finding her way in. A lovely summer ivory summer dress floated over her hourglass figure, the stool groaning as she took a seat next to me. Refusing to look her in the eyes, her next word sent a shiver up my spine.
“Mice like you get devoured by the cat.” She chuckled heartily as if it was a normal thing to say. “The mouse doesn’t find her way out on her own. Such lovely hair and eyes.” Playing with my hair, Lightz slapped her hand away. Rising from her stool, she towered over Loretta. Leaning down by her ear, my ears didn’t pick what she said. Loretta rose with a huff, the door slamming behind her. What the hell did she say? Crashing down next to me, a couple of hot burgers got placed in front of us. We didn’t order anything, something feeling fishy. Bringing it to my nose, a rancid smell had me whacking it out of her hands. Slamming my money on the counter, a sedative had been blended with the meat. The cook had to be an associate of hers, my hand snatching her wrists. Dragging her out, two black bags were dropped over our heads. Tossing us into the back of a van. Leaning onto the side of the van, a darkness swallowed us. Turning my head towards her, we would need her magic.
“Pretend to be knocked out when they open the door. She should bring us to the bodies.” I whispered loud enough for her to hear and her alone. “Punch your way out and find a neighbor. Call the cops and bring them to me. Am I understood?” Shaking her head, she didn’t want to leave my side. Whatever would come my way could be dealt with by one of my many healing potions. Driving through the hours, my powers began to return slowly. The brakes squealed in protest, another scream giving hope of me not being found out. Pale moonlight flickered through the holes of the bag over my head, chaos erupting next to me as Lightz smashed her way out. Ordering them to let her go, her gloved hands ripped me out of the van. A trail of neon energy had me sighing in relief, grunts pouring from her lips as she hooked me up to a meat hook via chains. The years of execution trained me for this moment, no pain starting yet. Ripping the bag off of my head, a tarot card floated by her head. Floating upside down behind her head, a temporary time pass hung around his neck. Knocking her out with a kick, a dull thud announced her landing. Lowering me down, his steady hands went to work chaining her up in my former position. Helping the other woman down, cuts covered her face. Tearing at the hem of my shirt, my steady hands tied the material around the deep cut on her arm. Wet eyes met my gentle smile, her lips parting to speak several times.
“Who are you? I want to send you a thank you note.” She inquired in a hoarse voice, red and blue lights bathing the area. Too concerned with messing with time, forget me powder appeared in my palm. Blowing the iridescent powder into her face, her body collapsed into a heap. Snatching Tarot, his protests fell on deaf ears as I dragged him out the back door. Freezing at the sight of Lightz on her motorcycle, silent tears stained his cheeks. Yanking us onto her bike, I was more than happy to be on the very back. Riding away from the scene, enough power had been restored for us to go home. Pulling off my pendant, my pleas for them to hold on had me. Spinning my pendant counter clockwise, the energy built in the air.
“I call upon the sands of time to whisk me back home and to set this timeline in place. “ I chanted tiredly, the pendant spun faster. A blast of energy shot us into the grand hall of his castle. Flying off the back of the bike, a fuming Marcus caught me. Seconds from berating me, the motorcycle engine died down to reveal Tarot and Lightz hugging each other with uncontrollable sobs. Saby skidded downstairs, only to stop in awe at the witch taking off my mother’s handkerchief. A bond formed between them, inky tattoos of phoenix's appeared around their necks, her father noticing as well. Approaching each other cautiously, Saby’s ears pinned back with her rich blush. Lightz bowed in front of her, her genuine smile enchanting Saby. That smile could enchant anyone if I was being honest.
“I am your mate, Lightz. Let me make you a meal to steal your heart.” She flirted shamelessly, placing her on her back while passing me my scarf. Marcus let it go the moment Tarot bowed in my direction. Pressing his palms together, his fraying nerves had been eased. Thank goodness. Today may have been hard but it sure was worth it.
“Many thanks for your bravery. If it weren’t for you, my daughter would still be trapped.” He choked out oddly, his nature not leading to him having such an air. Waving around my hand to calm his down further, exhaustion weighed heavily on my eyelids. Bobbing my head up and down, sweet slumber stole me away.