Graphing coordinate points to make a picture
What Should I Cook?
2019.04.04 18:37 Star_Dog What Should I Cook?
Post a picture or list of what's in your fridge, and other redditors will suggest meals to make
2011.06.21 12:42 noriyasuu Birds with Arms
It's birds... with arms.
2010.11.29 18:17 bsteinfeld Samoyeds: If you love these dogs then you're in the right place
A community dedicated to the wonderful Samoyed dogs. Post anything related to Samoyeds just please read the rules before posting!
2024.05.29 02:58 MuffinCrumblez Story Theory: Arkwright, the Most Wanted, and the Butterfly Effect.
SPOILERS FOR UG1, UG2, MW, Pro-Street, Rivals, Payback, Heat and Unbound
Recently, I'd gone and marathon a whole host of NFS Games, starting with Underground, and making my way up to Unbound. I had finished Payback, and moved forward to Heat when I realized the first set of Contracts from the Black Market was called: The Collector's Gambit. Initially, I thought of it as a simple throwaway line, or a callback to the most recent game at that time: Payback. But after going through Raziel's missions, noting the story beats of Heat, and doing the Tess/Yaz Delivery missions in Unbound, something just told me there seemed to be more going on here. It got me thinking about the other ridiculous story beats in the previous NFS games, and wondered if there were any connections.
It all started when I played Rivals again, and thought: "How on Earth do the Police and Racers get these cars? There isn't a single beater or Crown Vic in sight; the Sirens on that Charger are probably worth more than my apartment". Initially just chalked it as: Need For Speed's America could be like Dubai IRL, where supercars in law fleets are the norm; but couldn't put a piece of the puzzle down: The Racers. Obviously, it could be that the Racers get their cars from a number of shady/black market dealers, but who's giving the market their supply of LFA's and Pagani's? And why do both sides of the conflict have what seem to be military-grade weaponry on what should be, civilian vehicles at most?
I decided to move on to Payback, where there were three major story beats that caught my eye: Kobashi, Arkwright, and the NUMEROUS callbacks to pervious titles. The Curator name drops the Blacklist, the Run, and other NFS events, before selling Tyler on the Outlaw's Rush. We also know that the House had hired Cross to interrogate/torture Gallo during the House's initial takeover, which led to Silver Six, but Cross backed out. Even little nods, though unconfirmed, names such as Bull and Cooper are name dropped. Palmont City was also name dropped during the Speedcross DLC's, as it was the place where Speedcross got it's legitimacy in this universe, according to Rav. Aki Kimura also makes a full-fledged reappearance from ProStreet as DK in Noise Bomb. This game makes it clear that the Ghost games universe and the BlackBox universe's are within the same canon. Okay, so what now?
One MAJOR story beat that is often overlooked, is the role that the Brands play in Payback's narrative. To quickly refresh, Payback's parts are not only based on tiered performance, but specific brands give bonuses. One of the brands in-game we know was in-bed with the House: Chidori, as it was revealed by Charlie that Chidori custom parts had been transmitting data from Holtzman's C10, Nova's BC, and Valisev's GT-R. We also know that there were specifications for civilian cars too; alongside other technological developments, such as Skyhammer and the Jammers in Police Chargers being reminiscent of Rivals' and HP Police weaponry. As well, though not stated, due to the name, and the origami logo, it's very clear that Chidori has Japanese ties. We even meet a VIP from Japan in-game, who we pick up for the house: Kobashi. All signs point to the fact that Kobashi was the one outfitting House's cars with custom Chidori parts, and getting data from them. It wouldn't surprise me if Kobashi was the CEO, or at least, a Board of Directors member of Chidori. But why go through all this trouble for data from street racers? And why would data and a wager be so significant, that Fortune Valley's most powerful people: the Collector and the Gambler, would risk it all, just to appease Kobashi? The reward of all this hoop-jumping is joining "Arkwright", is that really it?
Heat's main story revolves around the Speedhunter's showdown, and the High-Speed Task Force stealing cars from the general populace. During "Follow the Law", Ana notes that the F40 we've been tailing had been wrongfully impounded, just like her Z, and other racers' cars. The climax of the mission hits it's peak when we go inside and see a whole operation of the HSTF dismantling the cars they impound, and shipping them off somewhere. At the end of Chapter 5, we even see Frank and Torres have a chat, and judging by Frank's tone, I don't think he was talking about the Police getting to him, but rather, who he would've shipped the cars to. Outside of the mascot cars from past games, the Collector is mentioned in Heat, through the first DLC's name, likely hinting the guy is still around. Because it's not like the House dissolved fully after Payback, the Collector still managed to irk out of Lina's mess; and likely has contacts like Raziel provide the tech needed to do his contracts. We never really grasp the full scope of the Collectors influence, so for all we know, he's the League member that contracts you and gives you the DB11 to find the people responsible for taking the DB5; he does like his cars after all.
Unbounds main story beat revolves around Alec somehow restoring the Lakeshore racing scene, after allegedly 2 years after Yaz stole our car and the LSPD stepped their presence up against street racing. But, when we find the LSPD, they aren't in the greatest of shapes either. Mayor Stevenson's foundation of her campaign is to stop street racing, and provide MORE funding to the LSPD. A detail I noticed about the LSPD was that, they don't have any variation of the Corvette as the "Ace"/Heat 5 car(s). Instead, LSPD's choice of Heat 5/Ace car is the Raptor, a more utilitarian choice, compared to other PD's in the NFS universe. And speaking of more utilitarian, it can be noted that Unbound is the first game in the series that actively TELLS you how to beat the Police. Chargers have this weakness, Camaro's have this weakness, CORVETTES SUCK AT GOING OFFROAD. Note that last part, as Payback and Heat's Corvettes didn't have much issue going off-road; likely signifying whoever was providing technology to LSPD was years behind other PD's. Sure, you could chalk it up to game mechanics, but I'd like to think that LSDP's weaknesses in their cars, and the lack of Rhino's in their fleet, show that the LSPD is eons away from the rest of the Need for Speed police forces. It should be also noted that Alex was a literal who nobody, until the story mentions that someone was sponsoring him and the Lakeshore Grand, but we never meet or hear from this benefactor. Plus, why would someone want to fund something as ridiculous as the Grand, while electoral campaigns to ban the sport of racing are at an all time high?
So, how does all of this relate to Arkwright, Most Wanted, and the Butterfly effect? I believe, that ever since the BlackBox protag showed up to the scene with the M3 GTR, it revealed the major weaknesses, of not only Rockport PD, but the rest of the countries PD's. If ONE guy can come out of nowhere with a then unconceivable car who put the fear of God into Porsche; and make a mockery of a PD, who at that point, was likely the most outfitted unit in the universe, whose to say it can't happen a second, third, fourth, or even millionth time? Hence, why we see the evolution of the Police in NFS Games, from their fleets, to even their weaponry, along with a noticeable downgrade as a benchmark in the form of the Lakeshore PD. Someone had to fund all of this, and that someone also benefits from street racing, legal or illegal, reigning supreme in the country. How else can we explain ludicrous scenario's such as the Run? That's where, Arkwright, enters stage left.
The legal definition of a Cartel is a group of independent corporations or other entities that join together to fix prices, rig bids, allocate markets, or conduct other similar illegal activities. I'd like to propose that, knowingly or unknowingly, the entire NFS universe is played out so that Arkwright can use the populace to make ill-gotten gains through data collection, with cars as the scapegoat. We know from Payback that Arkwright has their hands all over Chidori. Who's to say Carbon, Nextage, Americana and Outlaw weren't in on this either? At the very minimum, we know they have prominence in manufacturing. We also don't know how long Arkwright have been gathering data on racers. Sure we catch them in Payback, but who's to say they don't have our data in-lore, by events such as the Street Festivals in Pro Street or the legal street leagues/sponsorships all the way back from UG1 & UG2? It would make sense, if Arkwright is tracking us, and developing weapons based on the actions of the MC's we play as in NFS. And with all of the car-jacking Payback, Heat, and Unbound had gotten the MC's into, who's to say they unknowingly played into Arkwright's Mouse Utopia, of re-releasing those cars back into the economy for Arkwright to make more profit of these car-jackings? Tyler and his crew certainly didn't. What if Mayor Stevenson was another part of the Arkwright scheme that would be used to corner and monopolize the market, since they've already got Alec?
And who's to say other racers aren't fighting back, Charlie and Shift Lock have taken the fight to Arkwright, the Broker now also knows of Arkwright. Who's to say that the racers in Redview County were street racing out of rebellion? We only see the story from Zephyr and F-8's eyes in Rivals, meaning we don't even know current events in Redview County, as all they care about was what was in front of them. The VRT, the racer's, the weapons in Redview County, if not fully, I suspect Arkwright had a hand in it, and the racers either rebelled; OR unknowingly took the weapons that would provide their enemy with precious data; which could be used to make even more efficient weapons in the future to combat street racers. Hence, it could be an explanation as to why ex-criminals make up some part of the Vehicle Response Team in the RPD; what better guinea pigs than adrenaline-fueled hardened criminals fighting on the open roads with weapons and cars worth cities, with zero impunity to their actions?
All this leads me to believe that, ever since the BlackBox protag and the legendary M3 burst on to the scene, it created a butterfly effect that boosted the technological advancement of weapons and law-enforcement, which in turn lead to several economies, legal or illegal, being more than ready to meet the demands of what the BlackBox protag and his beloved M3 showed the 99% & the 1% of the bond between man and machine. And in both sides of the law, Arkwright would be ready behind the scenes, encourage and discourage where needed economically and technologically, while profiting off each and every event leading up to the NFS-verse's modern day. Hell, if my theory hold some water, the M3 could've been in Unbound because it was taken from Palm City, and being shipped country wide, with Yaz and the Unbound MC being just a link in the supply chain of Arkwright's shadow economy for profit and further technological advancements.
That's more or less what I've got, and I'd love to hear from any other lore enthusiasts out there with their thoughts. There's been a lot of "more questions than answers" with modern day NFS titles; and I know it's better to turn your brain off, and just enjoy the narrative for what it is; but this kind of theory-crafting is fun for me, and seeing the little coincidences you can find in these rabbit holes is the icing on the cake. TY for reading my ramble, and I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts!
TL;DR: Arkwright has been around before Payback, and controls the NFS Global Economies through Racing; and the world knowingly or unknowingly participates in their experiments and technological developments.
submitted by MuffinCrumblez to needforspeed [link] [comments]
Recently, I'd gone and marathon a whole host of NFS Games, starting with Underground, and making my way up to Unbound. I had finished Payback, and moved forward to Heat when I realized the first set of Contracts from the Black Market was called: The Collector's Gambit. Initially, I thought of it as a simple throwaway line, or a callback to the most recent game at that time: Payback. But after going through Raziel's missions, noting the story beats of Heat, and doing the Tess/Yaz Delivery missions in Unbound, something just told me there seemed to be more going on here. It got me thinking about the other ridiculous story beats in the previous NFS games, and wondered if there were any connections.
It all started when I played Rivals again, and thought: "How on Earth do the Police and Racers get these cars? There isn't a single beater or Crown Vic in sight; the Sirens on that Charger are probably worth more than my apartment". Initially just chalked it as: Need For Speed's America could be like Dubai IRL, where supercars in law fleets are the norm; but couldn't put a piece of the puzzle down: The Racers. Obviously, it could be that the Racers get their cars from a number of shady/black market dealers, but who's giving the market their supply of LFA's and Pagani's? And why do both sides of the conflict have what seem to be military-grade weaponry on what should be, civilian vehicles at most?
I decided to move on to Payback, where there were three major story beats that caught my eye: Kobashi, Arkwright, and the NUMEROUS callbacks to pervious titles. The Curator name drops the Blacklist, the Run, and other NFS events, before selling Tyler on the Outlaw's Rush. We also know that the House had hired Cross to interrogate/torture Gallo during the House's initial takeover, which led to Silver Six, but Cross backed out. Even little nods, though unconfirmed, names such as Bull and Cooper are name dropped. Palmont City was also name dropped during the Speedcross DLC's, as it was the place where Speedcross got it's legitimacy in this universe, according to Rav. Aki Kimura also makes a full-fledged reappearance from ProStreet as DK in Noise Bomb. This game makes it clear that the Ghost games universe and the BlackBox universe's are within the same canon. Okay, so what now?
One MAJOR story beat that is often overlooked, is the role that the Brands play in Payback's narrative. To quickly refresh, Payback's parts are not only based on tiered performance, but specific brands give bonuses. One of the brands in-game we know was in-bed with the House: Chidori, as it was revealed by Charlie that Chidori custom parts had been transmitting data from Holtzman's C10, Nova's BC, and Valisev's GT-R. We also know that there were specifications for civilian cars too; alongside other technological developments, such as Skyhammer and the Jammers in Police Chargers being reminiscent of Rivals' and HP Police weaponry. As well, though not stated, due to the name, and the origami logo, it's very clear that Chidori has Japanese ties. We even meet a VIP from Japan in-game, who we pick up for the house: Kobashi. All signs point to the fact that Kobashi was the one outfitting House's cars with custom Chidori parts, and getting data from them. It wouldn't surprise me if Kobashi was the CEO, or at least, a Board of Directors member of Chidori. But why go through all this trouble for data from street racers? And why would data and a wager be so significant, that Fortune Valley's most powerful people: the Collector and the Gambler, would risk it all, just to appease Kobashi? The reward of all this hoop-jumping is joining "Arkwright", is that really it?
Heat's main story revolves around the Speedhunter's showdown, and the High-Speed Task Force stealing cars from the general populace. During "Follow the Law", Ana notes that the F40 we've been tailing had been wrongfully impounded, just like her Z, and other racers' cars. The climax of the mission hits it's peak when we go inside and see a whole operation of the HSTF dismantling the cars they impound, and shipping them off somewhere. At the end of Chapter 5, we even see Frank and Torres have a chat, and judging by Frank's tone, I don't think he was talking about the Police getting to him, but rather, who he would've shipped the cars to. Outside of the mascot cars from past games, the Collector is mentioned in Heat, through the first DLC's name, likely hinting the guy is still around. Because it's not like the House dissolved fully after Payback, the Collector still managed to irk out of Lina's mess; and likely has contacts like Raziel provide the tech needed to do his contracts. We never really grasp the full scope of the Collectors influence, so for all we know, he's the League member that contracts you and gives you the DB11 to find the people responsible for taking the DB5; he does like his cars after all.
Unbounds main story beat revolves around Alec somehow restoring the Lakeshore racing scene, after allegedly 2 years after Yaz stole our car and the LSPD stepped their presence up against street racing. But, when we find the LSPD, they aren't in the greatest of shapes either. Mayor Stevenson's foundation of her campaign is to stop street racing, and provide MORE funding to the LSPD. A detail I noticed about the LSPD was that, they don't have any variation of the Corvette as the "Ace"/Heat 5 car(s). Instead, LSPD's choice of Heat 5/Ace car is the Raptor, a more utilitarian choice, compared to other PD's in the NFS universe. And speaking of more utilitarian, it can be noted that Unbound is the first game in the series that actively TELLS you how to beat the Police. Chargers have this weakness, Camaro's have this weakness, CORVETTES SUCK AT GOING OFFROAD. Note that last part, as Payback and Heat's Corvettes didn't have much issue going off-road; likely signifying whoever was providing technology to LSPD was years behind other PD's. Sure, you could chalk it up to game mechanics, but I'd like to think that LSDP's weaknesses in their cars, and the lack of Rhino's in their fleet, show that the LSPD is eons away from the rest of the Need for Speed police forces. It should be also noted that Alex was a literal who nobody, until the story mentions that someone was sponsoring him and the Lakeshore Grand, but we never meet or hear from this benefactor. Plus, why would someone want to fund something as ridiculous as the Grand, while electoral campaigns to ban the sport of racing are at an all time high?
So, how does all of this relate to Arkwright, Most Wanted, and the Butterfly effect? I believe, that ever since the BlackBox protag showed up to the scene with the M3 GTR, it revealed the major weaknesses, of not only Rockport PD, but the rest of the countries PD's. If ONE guy can come out of nowhere with a then unconceivable car who put the fear of God into Porsche; and make a mockery of a PD, who at that point, was likely the most outfitted unit in the universe, whose to say it can't happen a second, third, fourth, or even millionth time? Hence, why we see the evolution of the Police in NFS Games, from their fleets, to even their weaponry, along with a noticeable downgrade as a benchmark in the form of the Lakeshore PD. Someone had to fund all of this, and that someone also benefits from street racing, legal or illegal, reigning supreme in the country. How else can we explain ludicrous scenario's such as the Run? That's where, Arkwright, enters stage left.
The legal definition of a Cartel is a group of independent corporations or other entities that join together to fix prices, rig bids, allocate markets, or conduct other similar illegal activities. I'd like to propose that, knowingly or unknowingly, the entire NFS universe is played out so that Arkwright can use the populace to make ill-gotten gains through data collection, with cars as the scapegoat. We know from Payback that Arkwright has their hands all over Chidori. Who's to say Carbon, Nextage, Americana and Outlaw weren't in on this either? At the very minimum, we know they have prominence in manufacturing. We also don't know how long Arkwright have been gathering data on racers. Sure we catch them in Payback, but who's to say they don't have our data in-lore, by events such as the Street Festivals in Pro Street or the legal street leagues/sponsorships all the way back from UG1 & UG2? It would make sense, if Arkwright is tracking us, and developing weapons based on the actions of the MC's we play as in NFS. And with all of the car-jacking Payback, Heat, and Unbound had gotten the MC's into, who's to say they unknowingly played into Arkwright's Mouse Utopia, of re-releasing those cars back into the economy for Arkwright to make more profit of these car-jackings? Tyler and his crew certainly didn't. What if Mayor Stevenson was another part of the Arkwright scheme that would be used to corner and monopolize the market, since they've already got Alec?
And who's to say other racers aren't fighting back, Charlie and Shift Lock have taken the fight to Arkwright, the Broker now also knows of Arkwright. Who's to say that the racers in Redview County were street racing out of rebellion? We only see the story from Zephyr and F-8's eyes in Rivals, meaning we don't even know current events in Redview County, as all they care about was what was in front of them. The VRT, the racer's, the weapons in Redview County, if not fully, I suspect Arkwright had a hand in it, and the racers either rebelled; OR unknowingly took the weapons that would provide their enemy with precious data; which could be used to make even more efficient weapons in the future to combat street racers. Hence, it could be an explanation as to why ex-criminals make up some part of the Vehicle Response Team in the RPD; what better guinea pigs than adrenaline-fueled hardened criminals fighting on the open roads with weapons and cars worth cities, with zero impunity to their actions?
All this leads me to believe that, ever since the BlackBox protag and the legendary M3 burst on to the scene, it created a butterfly effect that boosted the technological advancement of weapons and law-enforcement, which in turn lead to several economies, legal or illegal, being more than ready to meet the demands of what the BlackBox protag and his beloved M3 showed the 99% & the 1% of the bond between man and machine. And in both sides of the law, Arkwright would be ready behind the scenes, encourage and discourage where needed economically and technologically, while profiting off each and every event leading up to the NFS-verse's modern day. Hell, if my theory hold some water, the M3 could've been in Unbound because it was taken from Palm City, and being shipped country wide, with Yaz and the Unbound MC being just a link in the supply chain of Arkwright's shadow economy for profit and further technological advancements.
That's more or less what I've got, and I'd love to hear from any other lore enthusiasts out there with their thoughts. There's been a lot of "more questions than answers" with modern day NFS titles; and I know it's better to turn your brain off, and just enjoy the narrative for what it is; but this kind of theory-crafting is fun for me, and seeing the little coincidences you can find in these rabbit holes is the icing on the cake. TY for reading my ramble, and I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts!
TL;DR: Arkwright has been around before Payback, and controls the NFS Global Economies through Racing; and the world knowingly or unknowingly participates in their experiments and technological developments.
2024.05.29 02:58 Think-Rip-135 AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
Sorry. English is not my first language.
My wife wants me to stop being friends with my friend Mark. He has been my friend since I've moved here 15 years ago. He is quiet man. He has been here for me when I had no family anymore. He helped get me a job. He has always been the moral one in my friend group. He has calmed down situations that would have ended in violence. He is a good person.
He told me he cheated on his wife. I was shocked because he was always the one to do the right thing. He was crying when he told me. He never cries. I did not agree with his decisions. His wife took him back and has forgiven him. I did not expect this because his wife does not put up with that. I've talked to her and I see why she has decided to work on their marriage and continue. My wife does not agree and wants me to discontinue the friendship. She is worried I will be influenced by him and go and cheat. I don't believe this to be true. There are many factors to consider my friend and I believe he needs another chance to be a good person. Reasons why I think he's not like other cheaters. This is what his wife told me.
1.) He admited everything. He did not blame it on it being an accident. He took full responsibility for his actions. He told his wife everything and was even willing to help her if she decided divorce. He told her it was all his fault, he made a series of decisions that led him to cheat on her and he could have stopped at those points but was a bad man and didn't. Many cheaters I know don't take responsibility. They cheat and cheat and blame others for what they did. He blamed himself.
2.) My friend is very sick. He has schizophrenia. He lives on disability because of it. He did not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating but I believe it played a role. He told me there were times he wanted to confess and tell what he did, but spirits and demons would tell him not too and even give him advice on when and how to cheat. He does not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating because he says he made those decisions before the voices came, but I'm not sure. We did not know he had schizophrenia for a very long time. He was secretive of it and told no one. He said taking the pill for his schizophrenia was a blessing and a curse. He was free of the voices, but he was faced of all the wrong he had done to someone he loves very much.
3.) (I post this with his permission) He was sexually abused when he was younger. He does not consider this a factor but I do. I have seen him turn down woman before (he is good looking and ladies go to him). I have seen one occasion where a lady has touched him innappropiately and he freezes like a statue and is very distraut. He tells me when he was first cheating (he would go to massage parlors for his deeds) it felt very similar to when he was abused. It was both exciting and scary for him and it being wrong was addicting for him. He claims it wasn't abuse, but his wife and I and his therapist all claim he was abused. I think this played a role in his actions.
4.) Since telling of his deeds, he has gone and attended therapy every week to talk about why he did the things he did. They say he has sexual anxiety and other things I do not remember. He is faithful with his work and has been open and honest with his wife about progress and allows her in his work. A cheater would not go to this effort of money and time.
5.) He told his story on reddits before. It did not get any replies but people messaged him about killing himself and he took what they said as reality. He had to go to treatment because he believed they are right. Reddit is not forgiving of cheaters. They will forgive other things but will not forgive cheaters. I do not believe he explained himself well with his post. A real cheater would not have taken what others have said so hard. They would ignore it and continue cheating.
His wife is a wonderful woman. She says she can forgive him because he took responsibility of what he did. There was no evidence of his cheating, she would never have known about it if he hadn't said anything. A cheater would have hidden his secrets for the rest of his life. I have known cheaters before, I have a lot of them in my family. They do not share remorse, he does. He deserves a chance. His wife thinks so too. She is not shy or intimidated woman, she is strong woman.
My friend tells me I should not quarral with my wife over this. He tells me he has done terrible things and understands why she would believe her way. I believe that people can do bad things and work to be better. What is the point of life if you can't make mistakes and learn from them? I do not believe he will do these things again.
AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
submitted by Think-Rip-135 to AITAH [link] [comments]
My wife wants me to stop being friends with my friend Mark. He has been my friend since I've moved here 15 years ago. He is quiet man. He has been here for me when I had no family anymore. He helped get me a job. He has always been the moral one in my friend group. He has calmed down situations that would have ended in violence. He is a good person.
He told me he cheated on his wife. I was shocked because he was always the one to do the right thing. He was crying when he told me. He never cries. I did not agree with his decisions. His wife took him back and has forgiven him. I did not expect this because his wife does not put up with that. I've talked to her and I see why she has decided to work on their marriage and continue. My wife does not agree and wants me to discontinue the friendship. She is worried I will be influenced by him and go and cheat. I don't believe this to be true. There are many factors to consider my friend and I believe he needs another chance to be a good person. Reasons why I think he's not like other cheaters. This is what his wife told me.
1.) He admited everything. He did not blame it on it being an accident. He took full responsibility for his actions. He told his wife everything and was even willing to help her if she decided divorce. He told her it was all his fault, he made a series of decisions that led him to cheat on her and he could have stopped at those points but was a bad man and didn't. Many cheaters I know don't take responsibility. They cheat and cheat and blame others for what they did. He blamed himself.
2.) My friend is very sick. He has schizophrenia. He lives on disability because of it. He did not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating but I believe it played a role. He told me there were times he wanted to confess and tell what he did, but spirits and demons would tell him not too and even give him advice on when and how to cheat. He does not blame his schizophrenia on his cheating because he says he made those decisions before the voices came, but I'm not sure. We did not know he had schizophrenia for a very long time. He was secretive of it and told no one. He said taking the pill for his schizophrenia was a blessing and a curse. He was free of the voices, but he was faced of all the wrong he had done to someone he loves very much.
3.) (I post this with his permission) He was sexually abused when he was younger. He does not consider this a factor but I do. I have seen him turn down woman before (he is good looking and ladies go to him). I have seen one occasion where a lady has touched him innappropiately and he freezes like a statue and is very distraut. He tells me when he was first cheating (he would go to massage parlors for his deeds) it felt very similar to when he was abused. It was both exciting and scary for him and it being wrong was addicting for him. He claims it wasn't abuse, but his wife and I and his therapist all claim he was abused. I think this played a role in his actions.
4.) Since telling of his deeds, he has gone and attended therapy every week to talk about why he did the things he did. They say he has sexual anxiety and other things I do not remember. He is faithful with his work and has been open and honest with his wife about progress and allows her in his work. A cheater would not go to this effort of money and time.
5.) He told his story on reddits before. It did not get any replies but people messaged him about killing himself and he took what they said as reality. He had to go to treatment because he believed they are right. Reddit is not forgiving of cheaters. They will forgive other things but will not forgive cheaters. I do not believe he explained himself well with his post. A real cheater would not have taken what others have said so hard. They would ignore it and continue cheating.
His wife is a wonderful woman. She says she can forgive him because he took responsibility of what he did. There was no evidence of his cheating, she would never have known about it if he hadn't said anything. A cheater would have hidden his secrets for the rest of his life. I have known cheaters before, I have a lot of them in my family. They do not share remorse, he does. He deserves a chance. His wife thinks so too. She is not shy or intimidated woman, she is strong woman.
My friend tells me I should not quarral with my wife over this. He tells me he has done terrible things and understands why she would believe her way. I believe that people can do bad things and work to be better. What is the point of life if you can't make mistakes and learn from them? I do not believe he will do these things again.
AITAH for still being friends with a cheater?
2024.05.29 02:57 Birdsinthehand Shuhu is in Luocha's Coffin: A theory
I believe that Shuhu, Emanator of Abundance, is not dead and is currently hiding in Luocha's coffin. When the trailblaze missions inevitably return to the Xianzhou, Luocha is going to pop the lid, reveal Shuhu in front of the Xianzhou Marshal and Generals, and everyone will lose their shit.
Ok, so I don't think it's necessarily going to happen like that. But I do believe that there are enough hints in the lore to suggest that Shuhu is going to return as part of the Xianzhou plotline, and that Luocha's sketchy connections to the Abundance may be a part of that.
The Background
Shuhu is an Emanator of Abundance. By all accounts, he is not a good guy. The Disciples of Sanctus Medicus revere him as a direct disciple of Yaoshi, per the Thousand-Handed Merciful Medicus' Salvation readable, he's led numerous battles against the Xianzhou Alliance-not surprising considering the Xianzhou's typical attitude towards the Abundance. The creepiest bit is found in Xueyi and Hanya's backstories.
Hanya Character Story III:
The second major clash between the Xianzhou and Shuhu that I'm going to mention is the one that occurred 700 years with the High Cloud Quintet. Shuhu ostensibly died in that one after Baiheng rammed him with a starskiff and a 'sun of absolute darkness', presumed by many fans to be a Stellaron.
From Dan Heng IL Character Story III:
Ten-Lords Commission Criminal Directory readable:
The last two points are compatible--it's possible that the Ten Lords Commission took Shuhu's remains into custody along with Dan Feng after he committed his crimes. But it's also possible that somehow, Yingxing and Dan Feng stole Shuhu's remains from the Ten Lords Commission, or that they took the remains from the battlefield before the Ten Lords even came into the picture, and the Commission's never had the remains at all.
Regardless, I don't think the Commission has Shuhu's remains right now at all, just because of the wording of that readable. They don't know if Shuhu is actually in the box and are too scared to check? This really seems like foreshadowing to me. It's the perfect setup--they go to check on the box, it's empty, dun dun dun, new plot hook.
At this point, it seems like we're supposed to assume that Shuhu is done and dusted. There are no more significant appearances-the Xianzhou's longtime antagonist has been defeated, killed, and (possibly) imprisoned. So why am I here telling you that Shuhu isn't dead? Well, it's highly likely that killing Shuhu isn't enough to end him.
Xueyi Character Story III, again:
And if Shuhu resurrected himself during the Sedition, he would have ample opportunity to escape. There was a lot going on and people would be distracted with the dragon monster rampage. Or maybe Shuhu was still restrained somehow, or still dead, and couldn't escape, but that Jingliu took his imprisoned remains at around the same time she took Yingxing to turn him into sword practice, and he resurrected later...but she doesn't mention nicking Emanator flesh in the Companion quest. On the other hand, why would she? Either way, Shuhu's location before and after the Sedition is unaccounted for, and there are a variety of ways he could have gotten off the Xianzhou and into a location where he could make a deal with Luocha.
So what reason do we have to believe that Shuhu is in Luocha's coffin? Admittedly, the evidence for this is more tangential and speculative than the evidence for Shuhu not being dead. But there are a couple of hints that could go in this direction. First of all, whatever is in Luocha's coffin is bound to be a major plot point in future Xianzhou quests. It being something related to the dubiously-deceased, potentially uncaptured Emantor of Abundance who happens to be one of the Xianzhou's worst enemies ties it into the broader Xianzhou arc.
Jingliu's Companion Quest:
Every time he's asked about the coffin in the quest, he says some variant of the following:
Pallbearing Merchant, Swordwielding Recruit:
Luocha Character Story III:
What really gets me is his lightcone text:
Whatever's in the coffin can control vines and branches, and Shuhu took the form of a tree in Xueyi and Hanya's memories. It also points to a somewhat antagonistic relationship, despite the mysterious deal.
Look, I have no idea why Luocha, who seems to hold anti-Abundance views despite having Abundance powers and saying things like, "The dead return" and "It's natural for short-life species to seek immortality", would willingly enter into a deal with an Emanator of Abundance who by all accounts is Yaoshi's #1 fan. But...it doesn't seem out of character. Luocha is a manipulative, sketchy bastard and maybe he thought he could get the better of any deal with Shuhu. Shuhu, if he's imprisoned, would naturally want to be freed, and if he already was free, might want access to the Xianzhou for revenge.
There's also a low outside chance that the Emanator of Abundance turned against Yaoshi the way Luocha seems to have, but this seems unlikely. I'd find it more likely that Luocha is actually on the side of the Abundance and working to secretly undermine poor mara-struck Jingliu, or playing both sides, before that.
All right, let me know what you think. There's just a lot of inconsistency about Shuhu's ultimate fate, and speculating that he's actually in Luocha's coffin because of a ~secret deal~ is just my best guess.
submitted by Birdsinthehand to StarRailLore [link] [comments]
Ok, so I don't think it's necessarily going to happen like that. But I do believe that there are enough hints in the lore to suggest that Shuhu is going to return as part of the Xianzhou plotline, and that Luocha's sketchy connections to the Abundance may be a part of that.
The Background
Shuhu is an Emanator of Abundance. By all accounts, he is not a good guy. The Disciples of Sanctus Medicus revere him as a direct disciple of Yaoshi, per the Thousand-Handed Merciful Medicus' Salvation readable, he's led numerous battles against the Xianzhou Alliance-not surprising considering the Xianzhou's typical attitude towards the Abundance. The creepiest bit is found in Xueyi and Hanya's backstories.
Hanya Character Story III:
A colossal, walking tree approached her amidst the chaos of the battlefield. Extending its myriad branches, it impaled all who stood in its path, including her comrades. As she gripped her fractured sword for a desperate struggle, she suddenly saw a smiling face blossoming upon the tree — a reflection of her sister's face.Xueyi Character Story III:
"It's me, my dear sister. Don't you recognize me?"
The branches and leaves rustled, and the faces of her companions sprouted like fruits from the treetops, emanating raucous laughter. "Do not succumb to death. Do not grow accustomed to it. Embrace me... become a part of me..."
She looked up from the blood and fire of the scorched earth. On the ground lay thousands of familiar but lifeless faces, including that of her sister.So yeah, not a good guy...tree-thing.
But she couldn't find her own face.
"I can save her. I can save all of you. All it takes is a wave of the branch and I can teach flesh to regrow from the mere bones or let petals rise up out of the dust to the flower once more. You know very well I can."
Underneath her, a strange tree with a thousand faces spoke to her, and to everyone. THEY waved THEIR branches, penetrating deep into the earth.
"I am Shuhu. I am eternal. From me, you shall gain true immortality."
The second major clash between the Xianzhou and Shuhu that I'm going to mention is the one that occurred 700 years with the High Cloud Quintet. Shuhu ostensibly died in that one after Baiheng rammed him with a starskiff and a 'sun of absolute darkness', presumed by many fans to be a Stellaron.
From Dan Heng IL Character Story III:
he observed himself turning into a dragon, entangled and fighting claw-and-fangs against that bulb of shapeshifting shadow of flesh and blood. In an illusion seen on the verge of death, the emissary of the god showed him an unsettling, beautiful scene — the stars pulsated and sang hymns like red blood cells, and the universe descended into an abyss of flesh and desires. The dragon heart beat to its limit, raising its fangs, breath, and fury — however, no matter how mighty it was, a "lifeform" cannot defy the true body of god of life's envoy.This same character story has someone-presumably Yingxing/Blade-telling Dan Feng, "Shuhu is dead". According to Jingliu in her Companion quest, Shuhu completely disappeared.
...Until a starskiff ran everything through like an arrow shaft. He saw that girl crawling out of the ruins with great difficulty, lifting a "sun" of absolute darkness in her hand. In that fleeting eternity, he saw her hand disappear, saw her face disappear, and saw HER disappear — That item had ground everything around it into the finest dust and dragged them into a vortex of raw power, including that girl.
Jingliu: ...still, all of that was erased. After Shuhu attacked the borders, he disappeared without a trace. There are no records of his remains, either.but that makes no sense because...
Jingliu: As smart as he was, he made the foolish attempt to use the flesh of the Abundance Emanator to aid Imbibitor Lunae in resurrecting his deceased companion.There was enough left of Shuhu for Dan Feng and Yingxing to presumably take Shuhu's remains and embark upon their ill-fated attempt at resurrecting Baiheng. It's also not true that there's no record of Shuhu's remains: presumably, they're also in the Shackling Prison under the control of the Ten Lords Commission.
Jingliu: His stupidity turned him into a monster, cursed with immortality. His soul was shattered and became the evil that he hated most. The irony...
Ten-Lords Commission Criminal Directory readable:
Remarks: At present, we are unsure if he is the one sealed in the box or not... We will keep the box in the lowest level of the prison for now. It must not be opened unless authorized by the marshal and the Ten Lords altogether.So it seems that in the official records, Shuhu disappeared, in the Ten Lords Commission records, the remains are in the Shackling Prison, but according to Jingliu, were also being used for Dan Feng to commit the Sedition with. That's three separate stories. I smell a cover up. (And given how destabilizing the events of the Sedition were, there's plausible reason for a cover-up.)
The last two points are compatible--it's possible that the Ten Lords Commission took Shuhu's remains into custody along with Dan Feng after he committed his crimes. But it's also possible that somehow, Yingxing and Dan Feng stole Shuhu's remains from the Ten Lords Commission, or that they took the remains from the battlefield before the Ten Lords even came into the picture, and the Commission's never had the remains at all.
Regardless, I don't think the Commission has Shuhu's remains right now at all, just because of the wording of that readable. They don't know if Shuhu is actually in the box and are too scared to check? This really seems like foreshadowing to me. It's the perfect setup--they go to check on the box, it's empty, dun dun dun, new plot hook.
At this point, it seems like we're supposed to assume that Shuhu is done and dusted. There are no more significant appearances-the Xianzhou's longtime antagonist has been defeated, killed, and (possibly) imprisoned. So why am I here telling you that Shuhu isn't dead? Well, it's highly likely that killing Shuhu isn't enough to end him.
Xueyi Character Story III, again:
The branches laughed shrilly, letting each head speak one word on THEIR behalf, stringing together a sentence, "Teng Xiao, what do you plan on using to kill me this time? I'm curious."This quote implies that Shuhu has been killed many times before, but it clearly didn't stick. Shuhu is the emissary of life and can grant immortality. Witness Blade, who has also died many, times, unsuccessfully. And Blade's immortality is somehow derived from Shuhu. His talent is called Shuhu's Gift, he used Shuhu's flesh trying to resurrect Baiheng...it's not unreasonable to assume that the Emanator has even greater powers of regeneration.
And if Shuhu resurrected himself during the Sedition, he would have ample opportunity to escape. There was a lot going on and people would be distracted with the dragon monster rampage. Or maybe Shuhu was still restrained somehow, or still dead, and couldn't escape, but that Jingliu took his imprisoned remains at around the same time she took Yingxing to turn him into sword practice, and he resurrected later...but she doesn't mention nicking Emanator flesh in the Companion quest. On the other hand, why would she? Either way, Shuhu's location before and after the Sedition is unaccounted for, and there are a variety of ways he could have gotten off the Xianzhou and into a location where he could make a deal with Luocha.
So what reason do we have to believe that Shuhu is in Luocha's coffin? Admittedly, the evidence for this is more tangential and speculative than the evidence for Shuhu not being dead. But there are a couple of hints that could go in this direction. First of all, whatever is in Luocha's coffin is bound to be a major plot point in future Xianzhou quests. It being something related to the dubiously-deceased, potentially uncaptured Emantor of Abundance who happens to be one of the Xianzhou's worst enemies ties it into the broader Xianzhou arc.
Jingliu's Companion Quest:
Jing Yuan: Hmph... as I expected. Your surrender is just the next step in your scheme. You wish to avail yourself of the Ten Lords' decree to enter the Xuling and stand before the six generals — even the marshal. That is your true agenda...Second, saying that Luocha is suspicious is like saying water is wet. Everything about the guy is sketchy and vague. He has Abundance related powers, but has teamed up with Jingliu on her quest to ultimately kill the Aeon of Abundance, and we have no idea why. Let's look at some of the coffin mentions.
Jing Yuan: ...and the purpose of the contents of your coffin.
Every time he's asked about the coffin in the quest, he says some variant of the following:
Pallbearing Merchant, Swordwielding Recruit:
Wood Sprouts Anew, Fate Tilts AskewWhat's in that coffin?Luocha: Ah, a story of ill luck. I found myself embroiled in a conflict and ended up owing a favor... Now I must assist in delivering these remains back to the Xianzhou.
Luocha: Haha, miss, whatever gave you that impression? The individual in the coffin is neither friend nor relative — we met only once. By chance, I made someone a promise, and so I have to run this errand.He made a promise with an unknown person to bring these remains to the Xianzhou. But who? Was it Jingliu, his partner in crime? Or was it with whoever's in the coffin?
Luocha: Let's leave it at that, shall we? I think we've all had enough rest.
Luocha Character Story III:
"Tool of my trade... I hope I didn't offend you," Luocha stood in a pavillion in the Exalting Sanctum, murmuring to himself, "But then again, our relationship does count as a business relationship, doesn't it?"Luocha Character Story IV:
The coffin made no sound. It did not protest and had no right to protest. "When you keep silent, you are free."...He has a business relationship with whoever's in the coffin, pointing to a deal. Potentially promising an imprisoned Shuhu freedom?
"Go to the Xianzhou," the one who gave him the coffin said, "Don't forget your promise." "Never."
What really gets me is his lightcone text:
Under the watch of the white irises, he knocks on the coffin. "Sometimes I feel I underestimated you by proposing this deal." He receives no response other than a thorny branch piercing through his palm. Yet he smiles, and tightly grasps the thorn."Indeed. This is how it is. We wanted to use each other, and both ended up underestimating the other."
Whatever's in the coffin can control vines and branches, and Shuhu took the form of a tree in Xueyi and Hanya's memories. It also points to a somewhat antagonistic relationship, despite the mysterious deal.
Look, I have no idea why Luocha, who seems to hold anti-Abundance views despite having Abundance powers and saying things like, "The dead return" and "It's natural for short-life species to seek immortality", would willingly enter into a deal with an Emanator of Abundance who by all accounts is Yaoshi's #1 fan. But...it doesn't seem out of character. Luocha is a manipulative, sketchy bastard and maybe he thought he could get the better of any deal with Shuhu. Shuhu, if he's imprisoned, would naturally want to be freed, and if he already was free, might want access to the Xianzhou for revenge.
There's also a low outside chance that the Emanator of Abundance turned against Yaoshi the way Luocha seems to have, but this seems unlikely. I'd find it more likely that Luocha is actually on the side of the Abundance and working to secretly undermine poor mara-struck Jingliu, or playing both sides, before that.
All right, let me know what you think. There's just a lot of inconsistency about Shuhu's ultimate fate, and speculating that he's actually in Luocha's coffin because of a ~secret deal~ is just my best guess.
2024.05.29 02:56 Smloz3 I'm starting steroids, fuck it.
I want to start by saying I fully understand the risks I'm taking. I'm aware of how it can mess with my body's natural testosterone and the potential side effects, but at this point, I just don't care.
I'm a PWD, and I had a terrible upbringing when it came to diet and nutrition. I was bullied relentlessly for my body and abused as a child, leading to severe binge eating disorder. At 16, I was 5'4" and weighed 265 pounds. The weight put such a strain on my spine that I developed severe scoliosis, requiring invasive surgery that left my entire spine fused. Now, I can't bend my back for my life.
Two years ago, I lost almost 85 pounds in less than six months due to EDNOS, which left me with loose skin all over. This, combined with self-harm scars, made my body look even more disgusting. Depression made it hard to start going to the gym, but I finally did last year.
My workouts have always been good, focusing on heavy loads and proper form. But the constant comparisons are killing me. Just yesterday, a friend showed me his results after a single month, and it crushed me. No matter how hard I try, I'm getting nowhere. There are men in my social circle who have touched a dumbbell on their lives, yet if you put me and them side by side, I doubt there's a single fucker who would point to me as the one who works out.
I'm exhausted. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted by the stretch marks and loose skin. I feel like a failure standing next to other guys because we don't even look like the same species. While I admit I could have been stricter with my diet and cardio over the past 11 months, it doesn't explain why I still look the same despite working out harder than many of the lean, beach-bodied men at my gym.
It's depressing to think that nothing will change, no matter how hard I work. I’ll always look like Globglogabgalab (look it up; it might make you giggle after reading this depressing rant). I know I can change my habits and focus even more, but I don't want a mild transformation by 21—I want a good physique now.
And I KNOW I could do it. I KNOW that if I worked even harder, if I committed even more, I COULD achieve the same results an average guy gets by doing the bare minimum. I know more than anyone how romantic it would be. Look at him, they’d say, he battled and won despite all his drawbacks. How strong he is!
But I don’t want to be strong anymore. I’m tired of constantly fighting, of putting in work after work without seeing the slightest change. I don’t want to be an inspiration; I just want to be normal.
I'm 19 and have never dated anyone. Who would want to date someone who looks like me, someone with that many disgusting flaps and can't even bend during sex? I know my confidence would grow if my body were different. It did when I lost weight. This isn't one of those "if only" excuses people make. I genuinely believe my confidence would improve with a better physique.
With college resuming after a teacher's strike, I feel my EDNOS returning. I don't want to see my friends again and have them notice that nothing about my body has changed, especially when so many of them have used this time to better themselves.
So yeah, I'm starting them next month, that's true off my chest.
submitted by Smloz3 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I'm a PWD, and I had a terrible upbringing when it came to diet and nutrition. I was bullied relentlessly for my body and abused as a child, leading to severe binge eating disorder. At 16, I was 5'4" and weighed 265 pounds. The weight put such a strain on my spine that I developed severe scoliosis, requiring invasive surgery that left my entire spine fused. Now, I can't bend my back for my life.
Two years ago, I lost almost 85 pounds in less than six months due to EDNOS, which left me with loose skin all over. This, combined with self-harm scars, made my body look even more disgusting. Depression made it hard to start going to the gym, but I finally did last year.
My workouts have always been good, focusing on heavy loads and proper form. But the constant comparisons are killing me. Just yesterday, a friend showed me his results after a single month, and it crushed me. No matter how hard I try, I'm getting nowhere. There are men in my social circle who have touched a dumbbell on their lives, yet if you put me and them side by side, I doubt there's a single fucker who would point to me as the one who works out.
I'm exhausted. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted by the stretch marks and loose skin. I feel like a failure standing next to other guys because we don't even look like the same species. While I admit I could have been stricter with my diet and cardio over the past 11 months, it doesn't explain why I still look the same despite working out harder than many of the lean, beach-bodied men at my gym.
It's depressing to think that nothing will change, no matter how hard I work. I’ll always look like Globglogabgalab (look it up; it might make you giggle after reading this depressing rant). I know I can change my habits and focus even more, but I don't want a mild transformation by 21—I want a good physique now.
And I KNOW I could do it. I KNOW that if I worked even harder, if I committed even more, I COULD achieve the same results an average guy gets by doing the bare minimum. I know more than anyone how romantic it would be. Look at him, they’d say, he battled and won despite all his drawbacks. How strong he is!
But I don’t want to be strong anymore. I’m tired of constantly fighting, of putting in work after work without seeing the slightest change. I don’t want to be an inspiration; I just want to be normal.
I'm 19 and have never dated anyone. Who would want to date someone who looks like me, someone with that many disgusting flaps and can't even bend during sex? I know my confidence would grow if my body were different. It did when I lost weight. This isn't one of those "if only" excuses people make. I genuinely believe my confidence would improve with a better physique.
With college resuming after a teacher's strike, I feel my EDNOS returning. I don't want to see my friends again and have them notice that nothing about my body has changed, especially when so many of them have used this time to better themselves.
So yeah, I'm starting them next month, that's true off my chest.
2024.05.29 02:56 _bubblykat69_ Hi! I’m very interested in witchcraft, astrology, medicinal herbs & tarot card reading.
Like the title implies. I’ve had the interest in witchcraft, astrology & tarot card reading ever since I was a child. But I was never able to study about it. Due to my parents being religious. So me studying about witchcraft fully was considered a sin and a sign of a Satan. Even though I’m more drawn to the moon & oceans a lot. Even when I cannot swim at all. Anyways the point is what do you call if you want to major in witchcraft, astrology & tarot card reading? I did my research before hand. But some people says you need to major in Anthropology & Science to do this. I’m also interested in making medicine & the use of music to incorporate in witchcraft. However; is that possible?
submitted by _bubblykat69_ to witchcraft [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 02:56 Littleghostgirl04 How can I accept that I'll never find love?
I'm 20 and I've never been in a relationship. No guy has ever shown interest in me. Ever. At this point, I think I'll die alone. Guys have only ever shown animosity towards me. They make fun of me and laugh at me, and I know why. It's because of the way I look. I'm ugly. I've been told this since I was really young. I hate the feeling I get when I see other girls who can get boyfriends so easily when it's completely impossible for me. I'm so done with caring about it. I want to be able to accept my fate and move on. I probably posted this to the wrong subreddit lol. I just need some tips so that this isn't always killing me inside. Still, I don't think I'll ever be able to get over the pain I feel from being treated differently and ridiculed.
submitted by Littleghostgirl04 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 02:56 Casca_Kita List opinions please!
So, I'm struggling to make a list this edition so far, so I wanted some opinions on this. This is a total work in progress, so please bear with me!
CSM (2000 points)
Chaos Space Marines Strike Force (2000 points) Renegade Raiders
CHARACTERS
Chaos Lord (90 points) • 1x Daemon hammer 1x Plasma pistol
Chaos Lord in Terminator Armour (95 points) • Warlord • 1x Combi-bolter 1x Exalted weapon
Master of Possession (95 points) • 1x Bolt pistol 1x Rite of Possession 1x Staff of possession • Enhancement: Mark of the Hound
BATTLELINE
Legionaries (160 points) • 1x Aspiring Champion • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon 1x Plasma pistol • 9x Legionary • 8x Astartes chainsword 9x Bolt pistol 9x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon
Legionaries (160 points) • 1x Aspiring Champion • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon 1x Plasma pistol • 9x Legionary • 8x Astartes chainsword 9x Bolt pistol 9x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon
OTHER DATASHEETS
Chaos Bikers (70 points) • 1x Biker Champion • 1x Bolt pistol 1x Close combat weapon 1x Combi-bolter • 2x Chaos Biker • 2x Bolt pistol 2x Close combat weapon 2x Combi-bolter
Chaos Land Raider (240 points) • 1x Armoured tracks 2x Soulshatter lascannon 1x Twin heavy bolter
Chaos Land Raider (240 points) • 1x Armoured tracks 2x Soulshatter lascannon 1x Twin heavy bolter
Chaos Terminator Squad (370 points) • 1x Terminator Champion • 1x Chainfist 1x Combi-bolter • 9x Chaos Terminator • 1x Chainfist 5x Combi-bolter 2x Heavy flamer 2x Paired accursed weapons 6x Power fist
Havocs (120 points) • 1x Havoc Champion • 1x Astartes chainsword 1x Flamer • 4x Havoc • 4x Close combat weapon 2x Havoc autocannon 2x Havoc lascannon
Possessed (250 points) • 1x Possessed Champion • 1x Hideous mutations • 9x Possessed • 1x Chaos Icon 9x Hideous mutations
Warp Talons (110 points) • 1x Warp Talon Champion • 1x Warp claws • 4x Warp Talon • 4x Warp claws
Exported with App Version: v1.15.0 (43), Data Version: v397
Honestly, I thought about Veterans of The Long War or Fell-Hammer instead. So far, I'm having trouble since my main opponent runs 2 ctan and 3 doomstalkers in Canoptek Court. Terrain is the main issue since we don't have much, but what do you all think?
Keep Raiders, or should I switch it since most of the time I feel like I'm dying to shooting more than anything.
submitted by Casca_Kita to Chaos40k [link] [comments]
CSM (2000 points)
Chaos Space Marines Strike Force (2000 points) Renegade Raiders
CHARACTERS
Chaos Lord (90 points) • 1x Daemon hammer 1x Plasma pistol
Chaos Lord in Terminator Armour (95 points) • Warlord • 1x Combi-bolter 1x Exalted weapon
Master of Possession (95 points) • 1x Bolt pistol 1x Rite of Possession 1x Staff of possession • Enhancement: Mark of the Hound
BATTLELINE
Legionaries (160 points) • 1x Aspiring Champion • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon 1x Plasma pistol • 9x Legionary • 8x Astartes chainsword 9x Bolt pistol 9x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon
Legionaries (160 points) • 1x Aspiring Champion • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon 1x Plasma pistol • 9x Legionary • 8x Astartes chainsword 9x Bolt pistol 9x Close combat weapon 1x Heavy melee weapon
OTHER DATASHEETS
Chaos Bikers (70 points) • 1x Biker Champion • 1x Bolt pistol 1x Close combat weapon 1x Combi-bolter • 2x Chaos Biker • 2x Bolt pistol 2x Close combat weapon 2x Combi-bolter
Chaos Land Raider (240 points) • 1x Armoured tracks 2x Soulshatter lascannon 1x Twin heavy bolter
Chaos Land Raider (240 points) • 1x Armoured tracks 2x Soulshatter lascannon 1x Twin heavy bolter
Chaos Terminator Squad (370 points) • 1x Terminator Champion • 1x Chainfist 1x Combi-bolter • 9x Chaos Terminator • 1x Chainfist 5x Combi-bolter 2x Heavy flamer 2x Paired accursed weapons 6x Power fist
Havocs (120 points) • 1x Havoc Champion • 1x Astartes chainsword 1x Flamer • 4x Havoc • 4x Close combat weapon 2x Havoc autocannon 2x Havoc lascannon
Possessed (250 points) • 1x Possessed Champion • 1x Hideous mutations • 9x Possessed • 1x Chaos Icon 9x Hideous mutations
Warp Talons (110 points) • 1x Warp Talon Champion • 1x Warp claws • 4x Warp Talon • 4x Warp claws
Exported with App Version: v1.15.0 (43), Data Version: v397
Honestly, I thought about Veterans of The Long War or Fell-Hammer instead. So far, I'm having trouble since my main opponent runs 2 ctan and 3 doomstalkers in Canoptek Court. Terrain is the main issue since we don't have much, but what do you all think?
Keep Raiders, or should I switch it since most of the time I feel like I'm dying to shooting more than anything.
2024.05.29 02:55 Galactusyaegashi Do a lot of fans agree that Season 3 was when the show became awesome? Or do you think it was already at that point after Season 2?
I have been making my way through the Talking Sopranos podcast and they are currently reviewing the episodes from Season 3. Near the end of one of the episodes, there is a discussion between Steve Schirripa and Michael Imperioli where they are talking about S3 being the season where the show had started to gain significant momentum. They also talk about how good each episode was in S3. I thought S1 and S2 were fine, but I definitely thought the quality of the show became stratospheric in S3. It was firing on all cylinders by that point. There was also a big jump in viewership between S2 and S3.
submitted by Galactusyaegashi to thesopranos [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 02:55 amorgan1013 how do i ask a doctor to give me a script for an emergent mri
24F 150lbs caucasian 5’6
i am a (slowly) recovering hypochondriac and im having a little bit of a dilemma. for the past few days ive had a mild but definitely painful headache on one side of my head, but today when i woke up my vision felt bleary/tired. it was fine throughout the day like the pain and vision stuff was ok, but i felt kind of tired and slow despite having a decent amount of sleep last night (7 hours). just felt kind of weird and off. now im having the tired eyes again and mild pain in my temples. my pupils are the same size and reacting to light ok, no numbness, my speech isn’t slurred as far as i know. i live alone so i get really scared about something happening and there being nothing i can do. i kind of want to take a xanax (it is prescribed to me for an as needed basis) and go to sleep, but im scared if something is really wrong ill miss it due to being groggy.
now here’s the thing: my hypochondria is mainly around having a stroke/something head related. i was a very frequent flier at the ER for a long time and im trying to avoid that becoming an issue for me again because i’ve been really good the past 5 months about not freaking out and going to the er. that being said, i find myself particularly uneasy with my current situation, and tomorrow i want to go to this very very nice walk in place and ask if they can check me out and script me for an mra/mri to check for clotting. the thing is, i don’t know what to say to the doctor that will make them take me seriously. i don’t know why they would say no to scripting it- as its no skin off their back, but i also don’t want them to just wave me off and tell me to hit the ER. is there anything i can do or say to really drive the point home that my anxiety around this is debilitating/mortal terror and that i would really appreciate it if they could get me some imaging? thank you guys for the advice.
submitted by amorgan1013 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
i am a (slowly) recovering hypochondriac and im having a little bit of a dilemma. for the past few days ive had a mild but definitely painful headache on one side of my head, but today when i woke up my vision felt bleary/tired. it was fine throughout the day like the pain and vision stuff was ok, but i felt kind of tired and slow despite having a decent amount of sleep last night (7 hours). just felt kind of weird and off. now im having the tired eyes again and mild pain in my temples. my pupils are the same size and reacting to light ok, no numbness, my speech isn’t slurred as far as i know. i live alone so i get really scared about something happening and there being nothing i can do. i kind of want to take a xanax (it is prescribed to me for an as needed basis) and go to sleep, but im scared if something is really wrong ill miss it due to being groggy.
now here’s the thing: my hypochondria is mainly around having a stroke/something head related. i was a very frequent flier at the ER for a long time and im trying to avoid that becoming an issue for me again because i’ve been really good the past 5 months about not freaking out and going to the er. that being said, i find myself particularly uneasy with my current situation, and tomorrow i want to go to this very very nice walk in place and ask if they can check me out and script me for an mra/mri to check for clotting. the thing is, i don’t know what to say to the doctor that will make them take me seriously. i don’t know why they would say no to scripting it- as its no skin off their back, but i also don’t want them to just wave me off and tell me to hit the ER. is there anything i can do or say to really drive the point home that my anxiety around this is debilitating/mortal terror and that i would really appreciate it if they could get me some imaging? thank you guys for the advice.
2024.05.29 02:55 Jaun7707 Clarifying the NYT Next GPT Model Article
I've noticed a lot of confusion around the development of the next GPT model and the recent NYT article talking about the start of the training run for it. Take a look at this quote from their last release:
From what I can tell, GPT-3.5 was essentially a stepping stone. It was trained a year before GPT-4 and was released for free, allowing them to test and refine their system. Now, GPT-4o seems to be another “test run” for whatever the next iteration of the model will be. It appears to be trained a year before the next version and has already been released for free, just like GPT-3.5 was.
In the article, they mention that they could predict the performance of GPT-4 before they trained it based on the performance of their checkpoint model (GPT-3.5). This explains the fuzzy graphs we've seen recently about the projected power of the “next generation” model.
In short, it looks like OpenAI is using these "test runs" to refine their systems and accurately predict the performance of future models. GPT-3.5 set the stage for GPT-4, and now GPT-4o is setting the stage for whatever comes next.
submitted by Jaun7707 to OpenAI [link] [comments]
A year ago, OpenAI trained GPT-3.5 as a first “test run” of their system. This initial run helped them find and fix bugs and improve their theoretical foundations. As a result, the training run for GPT-4 was unprecedentedly stable, making it the first large model whose training performance they could accurately predict ahead of time.Source
From what I can tell, GPT-3.5 was essentially a stepping stone. It was trained a year before GPT-4 and was released for free, allowing them to test and refine their system. Now, GPT-4o seems to be another “test run” for whatever the next iteration of the model will be. It appears to be trained a year before the next version and has already been released for free, just like GPT-3.5 was.
In the article, they mention that they could predict the performance of GPT-4 before they trained it based on the performance of their checkpoint model (GPT-3.5). This explains the fuzzy graphs we've seen recently about the projected power of the “next generation” model.
In short, it looks like OpenAI is using these "test runs" to refine their systems and accurately predict the performance of future models. GPT-3.5 set the stage for GPT-4, and now GPT-4o is setting the stage for whatever comes next.
2024.05.29 02:55 InkAddict718 Assuming the Mavs hold on to advance to the Finals, where do they rank as far as less than stellar teams to reach Finals?
 | The Mavs are clearly a 2 man show. In the postseason, Luka and Kyrie are averaging 50 of the team’s 111 points. It shows how elite the two of them are, especially Luka. submitted by InkAddict718 to nba [link] [comments] But once you get past them, they’re not good. Washington is averaging 14/6 in the postseason, Derrick Jones 10/4, Gafford 9/6 and THJ plays 10 minutes a game. People used to complain about the Cavs from 15 years ago, but they at least were a top 5 defense. Dallas was in the bottom half this season. Where do they rank amongst the less than dominant teams to make the Finals? |
2024.05.29 02:54 BlueBirdBack The Weakness of Generative AI and Job Safety
 | Generative AI has a weakness: it's not deterministic. When it comes to tasks with clear right and wrong answers, generative AI's weaknesses are on full display. submitted by BlueBirdBack to ChatGPT [link] [comments] Let's give this prompt a shot ten times with ChatGPT-4o. A farmer needs to transport a sheep, a goat, and themselves across a river using a boat that can only hold the farmer and two animals at a time. What is the minimum number of trips required for all three to reach the other side?ChatGPT-4o gave me 6 different answers to this question. Here's how they shook out:
ChatGPT link: https://chatgpt.com/share/1f369cd3-8624-4841-b264-0e6c3b7d4912 I had ChatGPT-4o crunch some numbers to figure out what percentage of tasks in each job require clear-cut, right-or-wrong answers. Here's what I came up with.
ChatGPT link: https://chatgpt.com/share/6883461c-2378-4539-b45f-cfe618e629d7 |
2024.05.29 02:54 3-bromoaniline My ultimate list of what I dislike about the U.S.
I’ve been coming up with as many cons to America as I can think of, in order to identify what I want from living in a certain country as well as to summarize why I’m beginning to have a desire to leave. If anyone knows of countries I can possibly live in that might work based on these complaints I have, I would appreciate it!
So, here’s my ultimate list of complaints about America:
In all seriousness, I would love some recommendations on potential countries that have as few of these problems as possible, so that I can make an attempt to optimize my life. Any and all information is greatly appreciated.
submitted by 3-bromoaniline to AmerExit [link] [comments]
So, here’s my ultimate list of complaints about America:
- Extremely capitalistic, to the point where corporations and owners of them don’t have any morality and only care about benefiting themselves.
- Lots of people in America live in poverty, despite it being the wealthiest nation in the world. A big reason is due to the fact that many programs are designed to keep people in poverty rather than helping them get out of it.
- Don’t even get me started on the horribly unethical treatment of animals.
- Pollution is pretty bad and most people don’t give a Frenchman’s f**k, especially people working in industries that propagate it. Oh, as well as rampant use of pesticides and plastics that inevitably enter our bodies.
- The pharmaceutical industry is way too powerful and has devastated many lives. Not to mention the fact that they’re allowed to advertise. (That’s right, our drug dealers have style!) This ties in with my next complaint:
- Rampant drug use; not only recreationally, but also with unnecessary prescriptions. And don’t get me started on doctors.
- No encouragement of free thought. Critical thinking is a thing of the past.
- Do I even have to mention the politics?
- Terrible work/life balance. Go, go, go! Now, now, now!
- Oh, you want to buy a house? Where’s your multi-million dollar bank account?
- Horrible addiction to technology and obsessive materialism. Seriously, I see kids that are glued to tablets and freak out when the parents take them away. It’s like watching a severe drug addict in withdrawal.
- I don’t know anything about economics so I could be wrong on this one but oh man, our economy isn’t doing well. (I know the rest of the world isn’t in top notch shape either, but ours doesn’t seem to be heading anywhere.)
- People either love Donald Trump more than anything or want him dead. These two groups of people are probably going to go to war someday.
- Rampant mass shootings. Other crimes too, but that’s not really a big deal anymore.
- Do I even have to mention the disgustingly unhealthy processed food? Or the rampant obesity?
- Huge lack of ambition. Americans don’t want to do anything. They want to sit on the couch, watch Netflix, and stuff their faces with chips. Don’t believe me? Just look at what happened after covid when nobody wanted to go back to work.
- Everyone gets offended at everything. Freedom of speech is done here.
- Kids are being convinced by adults that they are transgender (when in fact, they show no symptoms) and are being prescribed puberty blockers. Am I insane? I must be, since nobody else seems to care that children's bodies are being mutilated.
- Although we don’t have extremely high taxes (especially compared to other countries) our tax money goes nowhere. It’s mind boggling how inefficiently that money is used.
- You got injured? Ah, that’s too bad. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you, this is America! We have the best medical technology in the world! Oh, and that’ll be $150,000. What’s that? You can’t afford that? Oh well… you’ll figure it out.
- Congratulations! You worked so hard to finish college and now you’ve obtained your degree! Now you can get a job and start working towards paying off that $112,000 in student loans!
- Very few people exercise. This one seems to be improving over time, but still, America is an extremely sedentary country.
- Americans are stuck up assholes and are very selfish.
- Maybe this is a post-covid thing, and maybe it’s primarily with people my age, but it seems that Americans aren’t social anymore. People don’t actually want to hang out. (Sorry, I’m busy, otherwise I totally would!)
- The entitlement that people have here, oh my gosh.
- Don’t get me started on the propaganda news.
- Excessive (and ever-increasing) homelessness. I don’t like living in a place that resembles a zombie apocalypse.
- Most Americans live paycheck to paycheck.
- Debt galore
In all seriousness, I would love some recommendations on potential countries that have as few of these problems as possible, so that I can make an attempt to optimize my life. Any and all information is greatly appreciated.
2024.05.29 02:53 SubstantialGap7335 Stuck at 900-1000 elo, should I switch openings ?(italian to ruy Lopez)
My win rate for white is 66% for Italian and black I play the cow with 56% win rate.
For black the cow I feel like I still have a lot more room to grow.
For white If i maintain this obviously I will climb but I feel like I hit a ceiling with the Italian - I’m playing hope chess.
Every games goes like this
I’m aware it’s theory heavy but is it worth the switch now in the long run? (My goal is to reach 1500+ )
submitted by SubstantialGap7335 to chessbeginners [link] [comments]
For black the cow I feel like I still have a lot more room to grow.
For white If i maintain this obviously I will climb but I feel like I hit a ceiling with the Italian - I’m playing hope chess.
Every games goes like this
- Book moves,
- Opponent make a blunder or miscalculation/bad trade
- I’m up 4 points
- I start force trading to reach end game and win
I’m aware it’s theory heavy but is it worth the switch now in the long run? (My goal is to reach 1500+ )
2024.05.29 02:53 Top-Board-3513 sunny might be stronger then we thought
my glorious onyx eyed king is fully unhinged now and has become basically Mad prince. he uses the mountain king to spawn in an army of shadows, now there are many implications to this, can sunny basically farm shadows now??? that would be ridiculous and he’d have all his shadows at a higher rank by now or would have at least absorbed the weaker ones to become a titan right? so it can’t be that he’s farming them but making a giant awakened army assuming the larvae hatch at awakened which is still UNKNOWN sunny could legit have an army of ascended mountain king spawn he can call up. sunny might be sung jin woo at this point 😭im sure g3 has some nerfs on this and he prolly has to use up soul serpant jus to be able to spawn the mountain king and its spawn in but that means sunny with how many creatures he’s killed could legit have a whole army of awakened creatures plus the great sleepers making bro a legit powerhouse that NO ONE knows of as expected of my scheming glorious onyx eyed king 😭 🙏
submitted by Top-Board-3513 to ShadowSlave [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 02:53 curiousEmily14 Need advice- how to tell a friend who’s in the middle of infertility herself that you had success
TW: Success
I need to give a lot of background info. I come from a very tight knit community where we all grew up together and girls get married relatively young.
My close friend, who I will name A, has always been a bit of narcissist about things. My running joke amongst our group was that as long as she had the same or more than us, she was happy. I say this but I still do weirdly love her. Anyway, I get engaged right before COVID. She was upset that I was engaged and she wasn’t. She kept making comments saying “I don’t care to hear about your engagement I’m not into people getting engaged fast (under a year)”. I vent to her how heartbreaking it is to have my wedding canceled and again she just denies all my feelings saying I should really just be grateful to be engaged. I pull away a bit, as I really struggled to have my bridal and wedding canceled but since I wanted to have kids I was like f it and we got married. Most of our friend group also gets married and most get pregnant within the year. She gets engaged, has a crazy ring, and an abroad wedding two years later. Then, we’re on good bff terms again.
At that point I’ve been in the thick of infertility with MFI, trying two and half years, including 12 iuis. Both my sils who got married same time as me have two kids. I didn’t speak to friend A at all about my infertility. In the summer we have a small tiff and I tell her what I’ve been going through. She tells me she also has some fertility issues, has been trying for 8 months and she found out she has PCOS. She gets a cyst removed but no treatment. Says she wants to just take clomid but absolutely no trigger shot nothing beyond that. Then, this Feb I moved on to IVF. I don’t get great results on my first cycle and she asks me how I’m doing and I tell her. She says don’t worry everything will be okay. One of our other friends, friend B, in April, announces her pregnancy. This other friend B, in Jan, said to me “If me or A want to get pregnant it’s not fair we have to worry that you won’t want to be around us bc you can’t get pregnant”. That month, my friend A calls me and says she had a miscarriage and DNC that week. She’s devastated and talking about how hard it is to see friend B announce. We begin to be more open and vent with each other, I give her advice on how to navigate our community, etc. she says she’s very against doing more medicine (I think for ego purposes). At this point every girl in our 8 person group chat except us announces their pregnancy.
I do another ER in March, have a frozen transfer in May and thankfully have found out about my success mid May. The day after my success, I’m in the car with her and she is complaining again about friend B whining about how hard pregnancy is to her. She says “I never told her about my miscarriage and I’m not going to until the day it happens to her, then when it happens to her I’ll be like yeah I went through that while you were pregnant” That viciousness scared me. To think you’d wish a miscarriage on someone… yes I definitely in the thick of it I have wondered why the people around me couldn’t go thru a bit of pain (maybe waiting more than 2 months to get pregnant).
But anyway. She is still to the day venting to me about how hard it is to see all the announcements and stuff. I told her I was doing a transfer but I don’t think she even knows what that means. Currently, I’m 5 weeks 3 days and I just don’t know when would be the right time or what’s the right thing to say. To think that for years, I was on the other side of this, and I felt like no matter what anyone said, it still shattered me. I always thought I’d know the right thing to do and here I am on the side of privledge trying to figure out what’s best. I know I’m the only one left who she feels like she can connect to. On the other hand, I feel like I went through infertility for double the time and took the measures I needed to to get this far… and I don’t want to feel guilty for that. The ill wishes also scare me on her end.
I just want to say the right thing at the right time…. What would you do
submitted by curiousEmily14 to IVF [link] [comments]
I need to give a lot of background info. I come from a very tight knit community where we all grew up together and girls get married relatively young.
My close friend, who I will name A, has always been a bit of narcissist about things. My running joke amongst our group was that as long as she had the same or more than us, she was happy. I say this but I still do weirdly love her. Anyway, I get engaged right before COVID. She was upset that I was engaged and she wasn’t. She kept making comments saying “I don’t care to hear about your engagement I’m not into people getting engaged fast (under a year)”. I vent to her how heartbreaking it is to have my wedding canceled and again she just denies all my feelings saying I should really just be grateful to be engaged. I pull away a bit, as I really struggled to have my bridal and wedding canceled but since I wanted to have kids I was like f it and we got married. Most of our friend group also gets married and most get pregnant within the year. She gets engaged, has a crazy ring, and an abroad wedding two years later. Then, we’re on good bff terms again.
At that point I’ve been in the thick of infertility with MFI, trying two and half years, including 12 iuis. Both my sils who got married same time as me have two kids. I didn’t speak to friend A at all about my infertility. In the summer we have a small tiff and I tell her what I’ve been going through. She tells me she also has some fertility issues, has been trying for 8 months and she found out she has PCOS. She gets a cyst removed but no treatment. Says she wants to just take clomid but absolutely no trigger shot nothing beyond that. Then, this Feb I moved on to IVF. I don’t get great results on my first cycle and she asks me how I’m doing and I tell her. She says don’t worry everything will be okay. One of our other friends, friend B, in April, announces her pregnancy. This other friend B, in Jan, said to me “If me or A want to get pregnant it’s not fair we have to worry that you won’t want to be around us bc you can’t get pregnant”. That month, my friend A calls me and says she had a miscarriage and DNC that week. She’s devastated and talking about how hard it is to see friend B announce. We begin to be more open and vent with each other, I give her advice on how to navigate our community, etc. she says she’s very against doing more medicine (I think for ego purposes). At this point every girl in our 8 person group chat except us announces their pregnancy.
I do another ER in March, have a frozen transfer in May and thankfully have found out about my success mid May. The day after my success, I’m in the car with her and she is complaining again about friend B whining about how hard pregnancy is to her. She says “I never told her about my miscarriage and I’m not going to until the day it happens to her, then when it happens to her I’ll be like yeah I went through that while you were pregnant” That viciousness scared me. To think you’d wish a miscarriage on someone… yes I definitely in the thick of it I have wondered why the people around me couldn’t go thru a bit of pain (maybe waiting more than 2 months to get pregnant).
But anyway. She is still to the day venting to me about how hard it is to see all the announcements and stuff. I told her I was doing a transfer but I don’t think she even knows what that means. Currently, I’m 5 weeks 3 days and I just don’t know when would be the right time or what’s the right thing to say. To think that for years, I was on the other side of this, and I felt like no matter what anyone said, it still shattered me. I always thought I’d know the right thing to do and here I am on the side of privledge trying to figure out what’s best. I know I’m the only one left who she feels like she can connect to. On the other hand, I feel like I went through infertility for double the time and took the measures I needed to to get this far… and I don’t want to feel guilty for that. The ill wishes also scare me on her end.
I just want to say the right thing at the right time…. What would you do
2024.05.29 02:53 RogueDef Stats help
 | Hello, it’s my first time playing Elden Ring and my first souls in general and so far I’m loving it. I have a few doubts about what to level up after I reach 40 vig. submitted by RogueDef to Eldenring [link] [comments] I’ll provide a picture of my stats. So, I’m running with a bloodfang + 6 with bloodflame. When I reach 40 vig should I increase dex until what point? Or focus on faith and arcane? On the other hand I want to know if my stats are okay for my level or should I go through rebirth to distribute better my stats |
2024.05.29 02:53 Sunfloria Left Confused.
Hello! This is kind of my ramblings (sorry) on a situation I'm currently in. This is kinda long. I'm still kinda reeling from this and I'm trying to take a step back and look at it objectively. Any outside insight is appreciated.
This guy and I matched on Tinder around February 20th and things started great. We had a bunch in common; hobbies, interests, personality traits, things we liked growing up, stories about work, etc. We switched to texting fairly quickly and started talking on the phone for hours at a time. He and I would look at the clock and realize that over 5 hours went by. And we would text back and forth probably at least 50 messages a day. We had our first date the first week in March, it was great and we started planning our second date. He ended up getting hurt at work and he had to cancel our second date. I told him to let me know when he was feeling better and we can try again for another date.
Things were going fine up until Easter, where communication started to decline, less texting, maybe 10 a day, and no phone calls. I brought it up and he mentioned he was "in a funk" but seeing me would make him feel better. I asked him to hang out the following Sunday, but no definitive plans were made. I asked him the Saturday before if we were still on, but he just ignored my messages and ghosted me. I ended up sending him an angry message and calling him. He didn't pick up the call, but he did text me back, basically saying, "I'm worried I'm going to hurt you in the end, more than I already have. Because that's what happens. After everything I've done. You're too good for me." And he told me during this week he started doing overtime at his normal job AND picked up a second job. He told me he wasn't losing interest in me, he loved talking on the phone with me and said that the phone calls weren't enough. He said, "the way things are going, there's not a lot of time left."
I told him we could still try to make this work and was giving him options on how. He asked if I still wanted him and I said yes. I asked him if he still wanted me and he said yes, "but I just don't know how to go about it, I feel very lost, like I'm supposed to be alone." I reassured him at this point, but I told him to please let me know if he didn't want to do this anymore and that I didn't want to force him to do this.
Toward mid/end April, the texting dwindled down to almost nothing at this point, to where I was texting him and he just wouldn't reply back for days. I'll 100% admit, looking back, I was a little overbearing with my messages. But going from the consistent communication to nothing and being ghosted threw me for a loop. I did slow down my texting to maybe once a day, being supportive, sending jokes, hoping he was doing well, etc. Eventually, he texted me back saying that he missed me and told me he worked 60+ hours that week. He asked what my schedule was for the next week and I told him. We planned a phone call for that Sunday, where he ended up ghosting me again, which extremely frustrated me. I basically gave him an ultimatum where I said along the lines of, "if I don't hear from you, I'm assuming this is over." And he didn't message me back until I gave in a few days later and messaged, "I miss you, I wish you would change your mind." He said, "I didn't change my mind about you in that sense, like, I didn't stop liking you, so don't think that. I think about you a lot."
This was on May 10th. I texted him asking if he would rather put this on pause and be friends, or just texting buddies with no expectations. I tried bringing up previous interests we talked about, sending him news about said interests and I just didn't hear from him again. I sent a final message after another week of nothing that pretty much said "I hope you're doing well. Thank you for the past couple of months, I enjoyed it. Please feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to, even to just bullshit or vent. I would like to have you in my life at any capacity you could spare." I sent this on Monday and it's just more silence.
And then a few days later on Friday I saw he updated his tinder bio to something real fuckboy-ish, ie implying hookups. He was off of it until now, I was keeping an eye on it. I saw red for a little bit and reached back out to him, not accusing him or anything, just something friendly unrelated, to see what would happen. He eventually said, "(My name), I honestly don't know what I'm doing and I'm not in that headspace I feel, and I'm currently at job #2 so I'm sorry."
I mean, I know it's over. I'm just left so confused and it kinda hurts. I just don't understand why he wouldn't be upfront with me, tell me he lost interest or he doesn't want a relationship with me. Or why he doesn't want to be friends. I genuinely like him as a person. I know he struggles with his mental health and I know he's busy. And I'm not someone who gives up on a person, especially when things were so good. And he swore up and down he was still interested.
I realize now I probably overwhelmed him, too. I'm guessing the only thing I can do is give him space, right? I unmatched him on tinder. The only thing I can assume is that he's using tinder to fill a void, unless he lied to me about still being interested and picking up a 2nd job. But I don't know. Maybe it's denial, but I don't think he lied. I think he just avoids. Maybe he's protecting me from using me any further. Because he's going to do this same stuff to the next girl.
At least going through this made me realize I can get anxiously attached 🫠 and I can work on that now.
submitted by Sunfloria to BreakUps [link] [comments]
This guy and I matched on Tinder around February 20th and things started great. We had a bunch in common; hobbies, interests, personality traits, things we liked growing up, stories about work, etc. We switched to texting fairly quickly and started talking on the phone for hours at a time. He and I would look at the clock and realize that over 5 hours went by. And we would text back and forth probably at least 50 messages a day. We had our first date the first week in March, it was great and we started planning our second date. He ended up getting hurt at work and he had to cancel our second date. I told him to let me know when he was feeling better and we can try again for another date.
Things were going fine up until Easter, where communication started to decline, less texting, maybe 10 a day, and no phone calls. I brought it up and he mentioned he was "in a funk" but seeing me would make him feel better. I asked him to hang out the following Sunday, but no definitive plans were made. I asked him the Saturday before if we were still on, but he just ignored my messages and ghosted me. I ended up sending him an angry message and calling him. He didn't pick up the call, but he did text me back, basically saying, "I'm worried I'm going to hurt you in the end, more than I already have. Because that's what happens. After everything I've done. You're too good for me." And he told me during this week he started doing overtime at his normal job AND picked up a second job. He told me he wasn't losing interest in me, he loved talking on the phone with me and said that the phone calls weren't enough. He said, "the way things are going, there's not a lot of time left."
I told him we could still try to make this work and was giving him options on how. He asked if I still wanted him and I said yes. I asked him if he still wanted me and he said yes, "but I just don't know how to go about it, I feel very lost, like I'm supposed to be alone." I reassured him at this point, but I told him to please let me know if he didn't want to do this anymore and that I didn't want to force him to do this.
Toward mid/end April, the texting dwindled down to almost nothing at this point, to where I was texting him and he just wouldn't reply back for days. I'll 100% admit, looking back, I was a little overbearing with my messages. But going from the consistent communication to nothing and being ghosted threw me for a loop. I did slow down my texting to maybe once a day, being supportive, sending jokes, hoping he was doing well, etc. Eventually, he texted me back saying that he missed me and told me he worked 60+ hours that week. He asked what my schedule was for the next week and I told him. We planned a phone call for that Sunday, where he ended up ghosting me again, which extremely frustrated me. I basically gave him an ultimatum where I said along the lines of, "if I don't hear from you, I'm assuming this is over." And he didn't message me back until I gave in a few days later and messaged, "I miss you, I wish you would change your mind." He said, "I didn't change my mind about you in that sense, like, I didn't stop liking you, so don't think that. I think about you a lot."
This was on May 10th. I texted him asking if he would rather put this on pause and be friends, or just texting buddies with no expectations. I tried bringing up previous interests we talked about, sending him news about said interests and I just didn't hear from him again. I sent a final message after another week of nothing that pretty much said "I hope you're doing well. Thank you for the past couple of months, I enjoyed it. Please feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to, even to just bullshit or vent. I would like to have you in my life at any capacity you could spare." I sent this on Monday and it's just more silence.
And then a few days later on Friday I saw he updated his tinder bio to something real fuckboy-ish, ie implying hookups. He was off of it until now, I was keeping an eye on it. I saw red for a little bit and reached back out to him, not accusing him or anything, just something friendly unrelated, to see what would happen. He eventually said, "(My name), I honestly don't know what I'm doing and I'm not in that headspace I feel, and I'm currently at job #2 so I'm sorry."
I mean, I know it's over. I'm just left so confused and it kinda hurts. I just don't understand why he wouldn't be upfront with me, tell me he lost interest or he doesn't want a relationship with me. Or why he doesn't want to be friends. I genuinely like him as a person. I know he struggles with his mental health and I know he's busy. And I'm not someone who gives up on a person, especially when things were so good. And he swore up and down he was still interested.
I realize now I probably overwhelmed him, too. I'm guessing the only thing I can do is give him space, right? I unmatched him on tinder. The only thing I can assume is that he's using tinder to fill a void, unless he lied to me about still being interested and picking up a 2nd job. But I don't know. Maybe it's denial, but I don't think he lied. I think he just avoids. Maybe he's protecting me from using me any further. Because he's going to do this same stuff to the next girl.
At least going through this made me realize I can get anxiously attached 🫠 and I can work on that now.
2024.05.29 02:53 principedepolanco Got some exit strategy questions for yall : NVDA
In January of this year i bought "the nancy special" and got myself some $650 20 Dec NVDA calls for about $33 each. Needles to say, my gainz meter has been tingling and by gainz meter I mean my D.
As good as all this sounds, I have never had such a successful play and its gotten to the point that I need to start thinking about the tax implication this will have for me next year. Im hoping to get some perspective on my current situation and also to ensure I do understand the tax implications properly. Any constructive comment is appreciated.
Assumptions:
submitted by principedepolanco to options [link] [comments]
As good as all this sounds, I have never had such a successful play and its gotten to the point that I need to start thinking about the tax implication this will have for me next year. Im hoping to get some perspective on my current situation and also to ensure I do understand the tax implications properly. Any constructive comment is appreciated.
Assumptions:
- No tax event occurs if I exercise the options at any moment in time.
- Capital Gainz tax goes from regular income to 15% if i hold for a year regardless of overall income.
- I will exercise if stock returns to $1000 regardless of when.
- I am soooo deep in the money that theta decay means very little at this point.
- No need to sell until at least the stock split in a couple of weeks.
- At this point even if NVDA stays flat from now until December my gainz will remain about the same.
- If i do sell not just exercise that income will be taxed at 32%~
- I bought these calls on margin i owe $20k on them
- I can pay off the margin over a 8 month period, not ideal but it may make sense
- I do believe NVDA is gonna stay strong for the foreseeable future, I am considering using my brokerage account as my retirement account at this point.
- It seems that because of the income tax differential it may pay off to wait for at least one year to sell and use those proceeds to pay of the margin.
- The intrinsic value between now and Dec 20th is very small been so deep ITM. Waiting is better than 17% tax
- Would it be better to exercise (not sell) now and stop worrying about theta? if so then the question is more about selling stock not Options.
- As Don quiñones says to closeted racists, What would you do?
2024.05.29 02:52 MisterSquidInc 24 hours before his death, Gus Scott wrote this heartfelt account of a 115mph lap at his first TT. (From Performance Bikes magazine August 2005)
 | "24 hours before his death, Gus Scott wrote this heartfelt account of a 115mph lap at his first TT. We couldn't think of a finer tribute to our friend than to publish it." submitted by MisterSquidInc to iomtt [link] [comments] "As I funnel towards the start line in a big group, pushing my bike slowly forward, it's weird but I'm calm. I was so nervous on the ferry over, thinking, 'Is this going to be one of those one-way trips?' I didn't sleep last night. I was getting annoyed with myself because I wasn't picking up the whole lap - there were certain sections that I still didn't know. I was frightening myself in some blind, flat-out sections. i ended up watching a DVD of the track, rewinding certain sections again and again. down on the start it's not like a normal race. there's no mass start. It's just you, the bike and the road. That's a nice feeling. They set you off individually. when I get to the front there's a bloke in a white coat who puts his hand on my shoulder and looks up to the box. He counts 10 seconds as the rider in front disappears down Bray Hill. Then he lifts his hand and I think, 'He could be the last person to touch me.' Bray Hills fast, fast as fuck, but you've got time to think. You aim to go under the bush on the right, then come to the crossroads and you've got to pull on the bars to jump or it'll load the front. You apex at the lights, in top gear flat-stick. The bike compresses so much that you scrub off loads of speed. then over Ago's Leap. The bike naturally lifts. I try not to roll the throttle, just let it come down. There's a rise before Quarter Bridge. You have to go down a gear and accelerate to wheelie over it. One lap I didn't and it went into a massive slapper. then you've got to slam on the brakes to go through slippery Quarter Bridge. Second, third, fourth, towards Braddan Bridge. Aim for the junction on the right, brake, back down two gears, follow the white railings that jump out at you. Gingerly through here because this is the first time the tyres have been on their left side. Full tank of fuel, new tyres - these bikes feel awful at low speeds. Flick it over, into a dip - bah, bah, bah, bah - flat-out through two terrifying blind kinks hurtling at Union Mills. Coming out there's a garage on the left, you've got to have the thing absolutely pinned. There's a kerb on the left you've got to skim with your wheels as the bike bucks and weaves. On to a long straight toward the campsite. people sit on a green bank. Their feet are so close I'm sure I'm going to hit them. Then you peel away towards one of the fastest corners on the track - Ballagary that's also called Glen Vine. people call it Ballascary because there's been a few fatalities there. There was a massive crash here in one race - bikes and carnage everywhere. Next lap there's shit all over the road, fuel spills, I slowed right down to 50 and still got a massive slide. then the next lap there are fewer flags, then the third lap it's up to you if you want to keep it lit through there. I start to relax, I'm glad I got that right, but there's a hump on the way out. The bike's still leant over so you've got to get it right. You pull on the bars to do a crossed-up wheelie. Up to Crosby and DJ's [David Jeffries] corner which is a hard one for me. I greet him every time I go through, saying 'this one's for you Deej.' At the start of the week I didn't think I'd be able to flat it, but then I though, 'Fuck it, I know it's only a kink.' You've got to commit to these corners early, otherwise you'll just pussyfoot through them all week. This is a learning year, I've put no pressure on myself and told everyone that right form the start. I've never had any interest in doing the Manx [Manx GP] and because I've got an international race licencee I didn't have to, so this is my first time on the Island's closed roads. the idea is to keep coming back until I start getting podiums. On to Crosby. The Fireblade hates it. it's done some awful things all week. I was speaking to Michael Rutter last night and he said, 'You've got to roll off', there's no point getting in a silly mess or you'll be off the throttle for too long. Greeba Castle has a rollercoaster dip, you've got to go slower than you think to get the drive out. There's an off-camber right that would be easy to highside out of. then the left-right-left-right skimming the kerbs, before a nasty left. Greeba Bridge, flat-out on the 600, back two gears on the Blade, down a rollercoaster hill. I've already been into teh fast right that follows too fast, hit some little potholes, the front tucked, all my weight on my kneeslider, and then it just flicked back. scary. It took me1 0 miles to get my concentration back. Up to fifth, then another fast right. It would be kneedown but I keep it up because it's so fast it would drag. Look for the 30 sign to brake into Ballacraine. Boot it down to third, nice and easy, through Ballaspur, then just kick it up the box weaving towards Glen Helen. I'm going too fats but I don;lt brake, just drop a gear. This is where you see the flowers. I've lost a few friends around here. When you're flying round you see bouquets of flowers and purple ribbons stuck in the wall. it's a bit off-putting. Ronnie Smith suggested that people should respect the riders who were still racing by putting the flowers just over the wall. there'd be no harm, but the racers wouldn't have to see them." I'm on the climb to Sarah's Cottage. Third gear uphill, I ran out of road here before and thought, "I'm in the bales." You don't want to look at what you're going to hit, so I looked up the road. I was lent over at full tilt, I had my knee down, boot on the ground, everything, then I felt the wheels hit the bales, flick me up, and I was still going, so I just kept racing. this place gets you like that. My heart was trying to pound out of my ribcage, I had eyes like frisbees. That could've been it. Get it out of your head, get it out of your head. You think about pulling over, then just keep building up speed top Cronk-y-Voddy. It's hard at the end of there. I had some nasty slappers, lock-to-lock with loads of people watching. On the video it looks like DJ just rolls it off, but I've found it better to pull on the bars to take the load off the front. The funny thing about this place is you accelerate in to a lot of the corners before you see them. that lifts the front end and you wont believe how smooth it makes it. Into top gear, towards the big bottler at the bottom of Barregarrow. what's going to happen this lap? Back a gear, brush the brakes, and accelerate into it. you've got to do your turn beforehand because everything bottoms out and you can't turn it, everything compressed, the bike won't go anywhere. Then into the 13th milepost. the first time I went into there I thought it was straight. it isn't. It's bumping all over the road, a kerb on the right pops out right under your wheels, brushes your footrest. Then you're onto the nice smooth tarmac towards Kirk Michael. In the first practice I floated round and thought this is the next best thing I've ever done in my life. Next time I went a bit faster and had some big scares. I got lost, I nearly ran into some walls and then a Swedish lad I was out with on Saturday night was killed. He got lost and ran into a wall going into Kirk Michael, a tight, third-gear right-hander. Spectators said he went on full tilt, he just got caught out. I know how it felt. He was over here for all the right reasons. He was 39 and wanted a bit of a ride. It really fucked my head up. Into Kirk Michael and I brake just after the 30mph sign. Strangely enough, they put in 300m brake markers after Kim died the other night. Ian Lougher broke down here and said I looked really good through this section. He's been helping me with my suspension all week. Then accelerate like mad, but this is where something strange happened. In the first few races I was only passed by three riders and I've only caught a few. I went through the Superstock race without seeing anybody. It's quite lonely. It was my fifth lap and my head started playing tricks on me.I went through Kirk Michael and saw a copper and thought, 'What am I doing?' I was flat-out, so I shut off because I'm used to riding on roads. Then it clicked that I was racing. There's nothing to tell you the you should or shouldn't be doing it. It's a really weird situation. The buildings are tall on both sides. Kerb to kerb to kerb. Apexing yellow line, yellow line, yellow line. You can hear the bikes noise rattling off the buildings. It's bumpy, hairy and scary but an awesome feeling - full-tilt through a 30mph village, throttle pinned, kicking up to sixth. Hard-ish left, hard over the bumps, back a gear and then accelerate over Rhencullen. Right-left, wheelie so it doesn't go into a tankslapper, then a quick right, down to fourth, down a dip and get the bike absolutely straight over the next rise or it'll tankslap. It's taken me all week to get that right. Pin it through Alpine Cottage and off towards Ballaugh Bridge. Brake at the 30 signs - bang, bang, bang - down three, then another and accelerate and pull on the bars in the centre of the bridge, but at an angle to get your line right. No one tells you how to do it. I was landing my front wheel at first. I haven't got experience of jumping bridges and I haven't raced motocross like some of the top guys. You hear the front clonk and you've got to get on the gas immediately. hard up the box to this bit of worn-out road where the surface is like tar. You can feel the wheels moving through the long left-hander, towards Ballacrye - which is scary. You jump about 160 feet, a foot or so off the ground. It's like a little skip and everybody's had a nasty moment here. The bike twists slightly in the air and you get a whip when you land. The other day John McGuinness broke his screen off and his steering damper snapped it was such a nasty slapper. then there's Gwen's Cottage. Little Gwen is over 80 years old and she comes out shaking her fist at you, to will you on towards the the awesome Quarry Bends. There's a bump on the way in that unsettles you, roll in in top, then back a gear to drive through. get it wrong and you know it. I came out of Quarry Bends and thought I was on Sulby Straight and could relax, but I wasn't. I was heading straight towards a wall. I was trying to turn the bike at 180mph with the throttle pinned. It was a nightmare. the bike's screaming it's head off down Sulby Straight, but I take the chance to give my fingers a bit of a waggle around. In the 600 race the bike in front hit a bird and it was like a pillow exploding. Then you apex off the houses, before going down into second to wheelie over Sulby Bridge. Just there my mate, Kenny Munro, was killed a few years ago. I say hello to Kenny every time I go past. Then all hell breaks loose. I've never ridden a road as bumpy as the one between Ginger Hall and Ramsey. The bike's lock-to-lock through Milntown. Down a hill, through the bumpiest corner, then you start building up to a horrible jump where Rob Frost crashed. Pull on the bars to wheelie. then keep it pinned until I see a little fence. I call it Fast Fence, to remind myself not to roll off through the blind kink. The sunlight coming through the trees distracts you. I'm not getting used to animals on the track. In the 600 race I came through Milntown to see a massive black cockerel in the middle of the road. It looked at me and I looked at it. I thought 'I'm going to hit this', before it casually walked to the side of the road. It's really bumpy, but the faster you go, the smoother it gets. Bumpy right, back another gear. there's a tree with a big 'K' carved into it. Aim for that and you miss the kerb. Ramsey's a nightmare to get round so you may as well just pootle. Up towards the Waterworks there's a lot of nice short circuit scratching stuff. Waterworks is a tight right with loads of people shouting into your ear. It's great. Do a tiny wheelie before the climb up the Mountain. Three corners taken as one into Guthries, a nasty little bastard that can easily have you off. fast left, keep climbing, over a tiny bridge where you nearly hit your shoulder on a bale, then you start the Mountain Mile. It's not a straight and easy to get wrong. Everything's a blur, but it's a nice feeling. The bike's labouring, but I feel great in the fresh air and sunlight. Up the top I get a pitboard as I go over the tramlines telling me if I have to come in for fuel or not. On to Brandywell and Windy Corner, past where Simon Beck died, two apex left-hander that can catch you out and a lovely right... I'm missing out chunks because it's all constantly left-right up here. You can't compare this place to anywhere else and that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted a completely new challenge. It doesn't even compare to other road circuits because it's such a length. In one race I'm only going through a corner four times. On a short circuit I'm going through 20 times. Even the longest race you're only going through six times. And the conditions could've changed, someone could've fallen off. Accelerate through Kate's, through the damp patches. I always think I'm going to lose the front here. down to Creg-ny-Baa. Down three, gentle kneedown for the punters, close to their feet to give them a proper buzz. through Brandish in top, right up close to the spectators. I love it. Into Signpost. My team-mate Nigel 'Cap' Davis crashed here the other night and broke his femur in half. I think the bike landed on him. It's blind in second, then into another nice corner that's off-camber, aim for the gatepost, then turn away, accelerate towards the horrible Nook, then a whiff of throttle to Governor's then bam-bam... Governor's is awful. It kicks your arse-end all over the place. Through gently, I nearly topple off I'm going so slow. Short-shift into second, there's a nasty little rise so I stand up and accelerate like fuck, skim the kerb and that's it, on to the start/finish for another lap or five. |
2024.05.29 02:52 H1ghV0ltage007 Do subscribers even really matter after getting monetized?
I’m just curious becuase I found and extremely effective method for getting Subs to get my 2nd channel monetized but once I hit 1k subs I stop focusing on subs and start focusing on Long-Form views. My last short took me 5 min to make and got me from 500 subs to 1000 in 2 days and it didn’t even feel good becuase I literally put 0 effort in. I could easily drop 1 short a day and rack in subscribers but do they even really matter? I see accounts with millions of subs from shorts but their long form is trash and gets 10-100k views..
I guess you can say subs help with views from notifications but if you Thumbnail, title and vid is on point your video will be pushed weather you have 1 sun or 100,000 subs. I feel subs can be good for selling a product tho but am I missing something? Why do people are so much about subscribers?
submitted by H1ghV0ltage007 to PartneredYoutube [link] [comments]
I guess you can say subs help with views from notifications but if you Thumbnail, title and vid is on point your video will be pushed weather you have 1 sun or 100,000 subs. I feel subs can be good for selling a product tho but am I missing something? Why do people are so much about subscribers?
2024.05.29 02:52 Dillon123 Those who study the Zen stream should understand the essence of the seat
Instead of studying Zen, some people like to sit around and make posts about how sitting meditation has nothing to do with Zen. Why this is nonsense does not need to be repeated.
But, let's look to a collection of various verses by Chan Patriarchs called "禪門諸祖師偈頌" which seems to be composed between the years 960 to 1279 AD. This collection of verses was placed on two scrolls by Zisheng 子昇 and Ruyou 如祐 (at least those are the names attributed in the field on CBETA). If you wish to find the source text, it is labelled as X1298.
The collection features some zen fan favourites such as Gaocheng, Zhaozhou, Guishan, Yangshan, Xuedou... though they were not responsible for the verses I am sharing below.
I really enjoyed both passages.
"Those who study the Zen stream should understand the essence of the seat."
While true, one obviously need not remain there... nor do they have to obsess about the seat, or sitting!
submitted by Dillon123 to zen [link] [comments]
But, let's look to a collection of various verses by Chan Patriarchs called "禪門諸祖師偈頌" which seems to be composed between the years 960 to 1279 AD. This collection of verses was placed on two scrolls by Zisheng 子昇 and Ruyou 如祐 (at least those are the names attributed in the field on CBETA). If you wish to find the source text, it is labelled as X1298.
The collection features some zen fan favourites such as Gaocheng, Zhaozhou, Guishan, Yangshan, Xuedou... though they were not responsible for the verses I am sharing below.
密禪師坐禪銘(大陽明安禪師註并序)There is also a second writing on Zazen (as we call it around here) which was found on the same scroll. It too is below:
Master Mi’s Inscription for Sitting Meditation (Commentary and Preface by Master Dayang Ming’an)
伏以先德垂範。事理不孤。諸法空寂。以之為座。禪非意想。道絕去來。情與非情二俱弗顧。假名詮座。禪豈定亂。是知坐禪三昧發慧全該。參學禪流應曉座體。余因入室請益禪銘。略而釋之於後者也。
Humbly, I follow the exemplary conduct of our predecessors. Matters and principles are not isolated; all phenomena are empty and tranquil, thus I take them as my foundation. Meditation transcends intention or imagination; the path cuts off coming and going, disregarding both emotion and non-emotion. The term "meditation seat" is but a convention; how could meditation be about stability or chaos? Therefore, it is understood that the samadhi of sitting meditation fully engenders wisdom. Those who delve into the Zen tradition should grasp the essence of the seat. I have entered this space to seek enlightenment through this meditation inscription and will elucidate it briefly thereafter.
來時不入門(無門可入)。去時不出戶(去不從來)。正座座不座(不端正座)。正去去不去(去不正。來不福)。不是情無情(二俱無體)。都緣顧不顧(都無異顧)。返本不還源(還源守住)。歸根無道路(歸根路不過)。若唱胡家曲(肯不全。知不齊)。聲聲句不觸(聲聲不聞。句在藏鋒)。每念雪中吟(雪中有曲。和者何分)。寒燈不假燭(寒燈不照燭。凝然雪路分)。坐來石笋生(大坐無異發)。那用將釿斸(用處不當功)。為報參禪人(語密須明旨)。行玄不動足(切忌當風)。應須不恁麼(通身終不住)。恁麼却成局(事理莫教滯所執)。放下勞把捉(把捉來不著)。撒手還拘束(放曠絕所知)。步步不將來(展手不當今。行時無說路)。促延無斷續(步步無間斷)。不全座中人(座中不守全。終無座相)。太陽那巨旭(太陽無意。照不當今)。
When arriving, one does not pass through a gate (as there is none to enter). When departing, one does not exit through a door (for leaving is not from coming). Sitting upright, yet not truly sitting (the posture is not correct); leaving properly, yet not truly departing (departure lacks correctness, arrival lacks auspiciousness). It transcends emotion and non-emotion (both lack inherent existence). All actions are neither regarding nor disregarding (there is no distinction in attention). Returning to the origin, yet not returning to the source (returning to the source is to abide). Returning to the root, there is no path (the path to the root does not exist). If one sings the song of the Barbarians (willing but incomplete, understanding not uniform), every sound, every phrase does not resonate (every sound is unheard, phrases conceal the point). With each thought of chanting amidst the snow (there is a melody in the snow, who divides the harmony?). The cold lamp does not rely on a candle (it doesn't illuminate, clearly delineating the snowy path). Sitting, stalagmites emerge (profound meditation yields distinctions). Why wield a pickaxe (its use is not productive)? To convey to those engaged in Zen practice (words are cryptic, intent must be clear). Moving in the realm of mystery, yet feet remain still (beware of being swayed by external influences). One should not remain in such a state (the whole being ultimately does not linger). However, remaining thus becomes a trap (principles and reason should not impede progress). Release the effort to grasp (efforts to grasp yield no fruit). Let go completely, yet remain bound (release all, sever ties to the known). Step by step, moving forward without reference to the past (extend your hands, not for the present, walking without a spoken path). Urgency or delay, there is no interruption (step by step, without pause). Not entirely the individual in the seat (within the seat, completeness is not maintained, ultimately devoid of seat-like qualities). The great sun, where is its vast radiance (the sun shines without intent, illuminating not just the present)?
天台大靜禪師坐禪銘My discussion:
Inscription on Zazen by Great Tranquility Zen Master of Tiantai
每當夜坐。心念紛飛。但將紛飛之心。以究紛飛之處。究之無處。則紛飛之念何存。返究究心。則能究之心安在。能照之智本空。所緣之境亦寂。寂而非寂者。蓋無能寂之人也。照而非照者。蓋無能照之境也。境智俱泯。心念宛然。外不尋知。內不住定。二途俱泯。一性怡然。此乃還源之要道也(天衣愍云。坐禪切忌瞌睡。默運自[A53]己靈智)。
During each night of meditation, thoughts scatter and fly incessantly. Yet, when one investigates the place of these scattered thoughts, it is found that there is nowhere for them to settle. Where then do these scattered thoughts abide? Returning to investigate the mind itself, one finds that the investigating mind abides in tranquility. The inherent wisdom that illuminates is fundamentally empty, and the objects of its focus are likewise silent. Silence, yet not silence, for there is no one who can be silent. Illumination, yet not illumination, for there is no object that can be illuminated. With both subject and object erased, thoughts and the mind are like reflections in a mirror. Externally, there is no seeking knowledge, internally, there is no fixation. Both paths of seeking and fixation are obliterated, leaving only a serene unity of essence. This is indeed the essential path of returning to the source. (As Master Tianyi Min warns, in zazen, beware of drowsiness. Silent operation is guided by one's own spiritual wisdom.)
I really enjoyed both passages.
"Those who study the Zen stream should understand the essence of the seat."
While true, one obviously need not remain there... nor do they have to obsess about the seat, or sitting!