I’m 14yr and my whole life I’ve been ugly. I’ve been told by my mom,brothers,friends, strangers who stare,laugh,and whisper to their friends. It’s affected my social life heavily, by the of time 4th grade the fact I was a unattractive female,so I tried making people laugh so I could make friends I always wanted to be one of the pretty girls,the teachers loved,the students loved and parents. I know my mom is embarrassed of me in general. I have a mental illness that I won’t get into because I tend to get off topic about it but I don’t act like normal teenagers my age. I am always told that my mom treats me differently because of my age and I’m female, but I simply don’t believe it’s true. The end of my 5th grade summer I told my mom I hated her,she’d grab me by my hair and throw me around because of my room being a mess,or I say something she didn’t like,even before that she’d fist fought me and pinned me to the ground to hit me in my face,as my step dad watched and smiled. (there was a mess in the floor,my mom told me to clean it the night before) this year she got her tubes untied so she could have another girl my mom already told me the reason she got pregnant to have another girl was for her to be better then me. I do understand where she’s coming from because she was 18 when she had me.
In 6th grade I was smoking because I felt better and I’d kinda forget everything at the time, this continued until 8th grade,the last time i smoked was back in december,I smoked to much and I panicked because I was afraid. Anyways let’s get back to the point tho, i don’t even thing I’m average but at this point I don’t even know what average is I’m Latina but not the ones boys like and the ones girls wanna be friends with. At this point of time I have 3 friends the 2 out of the 3 already called me ugly,and I wanna say I don’t care but i really do they’re all beautiful and there I am,not only am I ugly but I’m weird and a embarrassment to my culture.i never learnt Spanish because my mom or step dad wasn’t taught (I live where majority of white people live.) I’m sorry about this whole rant but i need to let some of this out because I’m trying to get over the fact I’m not attractive,and probably never will.

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs on the counter, soda cans wherever. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please” “thank you,” & we ate out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions causes us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

-3/+3 only
Giving this sub another shot. I just watched Casper, the friendly ghost and I was feeling lot of things when he got his body back and danced with Kat. I guess I miss having someone to love and vice versa. Anyways, the movie still slaps period lmao.
I'm actually GMT +8, so anyone closer to that timezone is better. I do gaming sometimes when I'm free from university, so I hope you're close. And it would be so better for sleep night calls, ykyk 🥺. So about me, I'm on my last year of university like few months till graduation. I would love to have someome accompanying me when I achieve that milestone. I'm 5'0, fairly long black hair, got chubby cheeks (as I have been told) and normal BMI lmao. I'm a homebody and introverted, I barely go out but when I do it's for uni stuffs. I always been a loner lmao, I do got friends but I do enjoy some me time. I go to cinemas, museums, mall, etc alone. I like taking my time observing people and stuff. But if you're around I definitely would send my whereabouts and share things I did ☺️.
I'm a professional yapper too. I spend my time learning or watching random stuffs. And I tend too share it even no one asked 😭. I just like telling stuff I guess. I mean I would also love to hear your stories about your life. Let's share our mundane life to each other 💓
I think I'm looking for, someone who is taller than me, normal BMI too I guess. Someone who is naturally funny, I like laughing so please please. Someone who is honest and would love to explore the world with me.
I would love to be part of your life. I would love to keep you in my life. Introduce yourself in my dms 💓

Hi,
I'm looking for a video remix that uses 3 distinct instrument instructional videos (Drum, Bass and Guitar) and together form a unique remix using all 3 to form one music video.
These Instructional videos are clearly from VHS, though the video did pop up around the late 2000s. The video uses only the source material. It moves the 3 videos around, intercuts them (following their own beats) and shows all of them when all "instruments" are playing. There's not other visual other than the source themselves. It was more a work of mixing the 3 sources together and using their own dialogue to form the new song.
As for the sources:
For the Drums, the source is this video from Louis "Louie Bellson"! Drum Course For Beginners (1980s) VHS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THhMrlsKFmk The intro of the remix uses the same intro as this video for a couple of seconds, then the remix being already mixing in the 3 videos!
The GuitaBass was a younger lady, long black hair and for the GuitaBass it was a 20-30s man with long hair (Rock & Roll type). The sources look to be from around 80s/early 90s max.
I remember it being originally on Vimeo but I did find versions/copies of it on YouTube. I thought I bookmarked or downloaded but I can't seem to find via Google or on Vimeo/YouTube, as adding any of the keywords (instructional, lesson, teacher etc.) return "How to" videos or current videos/remixes.
Much appreciated with the help ! Ask me anything that could help!
Thank you!

14th: Jud “Fabio” Birza (Nicaragua - Winner)

MOVIE STAR JUD \"FABIO\" BIRZA
u/SMC0629:
Fabio, my second favorite winner of the entire show, he’s just too much fun. He perfectly encapsulates the trainwreck that is Nicaragua, and is the best winner for it as well. He gets to the end by just being himself, a decent amount of luck, physical strength, and a tiny bit of strategy. I know there’s some who seem to think Fabio is brought down by this factor of the edit building him up to know what he was doing, apparently undermining everything before the endgame. If you ask me though, who’s to say he DIDN’T have a tiny strategic mind in there? It seemed perfectly reasonable and in character for me, and it only improved him for me. Love Fabio, so happy he made it this far.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
From the same editing program that watered down Mike Gabler from OTT weirdo to a CP-lite strategic player “hiding in plain sight”, we have his prototype - the OTT blond surfer-bro that the players literally changed his name from Jud to Fabio because of how he comes across that gets a watered down CP-lite strategic edit of “they don’t realize I’m actually really smart, y’all!” Quit being cowards CBS! Give us the Goofball Fabio winner edit! #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird
I stand by the Gabler-Fabio comparison, but despite how much I dislike how the CP-edit kills Gabler’s character potential, I think Nicaragua does somehow make it work with Fabio. I blame the cast itself; with people like NaOnka, Marty, Jimmy T, Jane, Shannon, Dan Lembo, and whatever the fuck a “Benry” is supposed to be, “Fabio” almost does come across sane in comparison. As such, he can get these confessionals about pretending to be dumb and it does almost work just because the people he is surrounded by just feel literally ripped from Loony Tunes.
But despite it kinda working here, I do think Fabio is hilarious when he’s just allowed to be this weirdo that no one takes seriously, that ultimatley ends up winning because he’s surrounded by two people who have truly pissed off the jury. He’s a fun character with a truly unique winner’s story, and ultimately, I just REALLY dig his vibe. I wish I had him Top 100. But I also just wish we got a full season with the “real” Fabio as opposed to the occasional cuts to CBS trying to water him down to his most strategically-presentable version. #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird #ReleaseTheFabioOTTWinnerEdit
Overall Rank – 115/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
While I’ve never been as big on Nicaragua as many in the rankdown circle, I still appreciate a lot of what the season does and represents. And I think that Fabio’s win is the perfect ending for the clusterfuck of a season that preceded it.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Fabio’s run on Nicaragua is simply iconic and is a great way for the season to end. Having this likable underdog beast his way to the end under all odds against him is so satisfying. I’m happy he made this endgame even if I personally don’t have him here.
u/Regnisyak1:
Fabio is cool. I have him probably lower than a lot of people comparatively, but he was a ray of sunshine on such a negative season, and his win coming out of nowhere was great. He played the surfer bro role correctly, and while I don’t think he necessarily had the greatest ability to lead a season, he is a necessary feature in making it thrive and giving it such a large cult following here. Glad he made it after a long gap.
Personal Rank: 77/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Jud “Fabio” Birza (1st Place, Nicaragua)
I love Fabio. He’s easily one of my favorite winners of all time. Every time I reevaluate my winners rankings, Fabio at worst will be the third best winner for me. Plus, as an added bonus, he also stars in my favorite B movie of all time, My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!, which I won on DVD (I’m not joking, who do you think got the screenshot of Fabio for this writeup?). I mentioned in my Colby 3.0 writeup how I consider Nicaragua the last true old school season of Survivor, and that’s because it feels like a big fuck you to strategy, and Fabio plays a huge role in it. Enough of simply stating my love for Fabio’s character, it's time to describe why he’s so great.
The first episode properly sets Fabio up as who he is as a character this season. He gets the first confessional of the season, talking about how dangerous it really is out there and how it's not like the zoo cause it's all real (the first hint of the winner for being the first confessional of the season). He then gets put on the young people tribe, which he says are his people. One of Fabio’s main characteristics gets shown right at the start, where he basically says that they could use a snorkel flipper to collect rainwater, and when Chase said Fabio looked like he would be good in the water, Fabio instantly gets a woodchip in his foot, making him rescind the comment. Shannon then has a confessional where he calls Fabio a dumb blonde, and it instantly cuts to Fabio getting pinched by a crab claw. He then starts calling Fabio his titular nickname…uh…Fabio. This quickly catches on in the tribe, and even at the first challenge where Jeff tries to talk to “Jud”, the tribe corrects him, saying that they only know Fabio. This is Fabio’s first characterization, that he’s a goofball that isn’t taken seriously. While that’s a big characterization, it's not the most important one. The important one is shown in his confessional responding to his new nickname. He comes off surprised that everyone is calling him Fabio, calling the guy a cheeseball, but then says that he doesn’t care what people are going to call him cause he’s going to win the million dollars (in the weirdest audio edit ever) so people can call him Fabio. This highlights his second characterization, and the most important one, he is aware of what other people think of him.
Of course, just because he’s aware of his status doesn’t necessarily mean he has great strategic capabilities. This is shown in the first La Flor vote, where it's looking to be between either Shannon and Brenda, and Fabio was voting for Brenda with Shannon’s. However, Shannon has a huge meltdown at tribal, which clearly would be bad to stick with and would be better to switch sides. However, Fabio ends up sticking with Shannon anyways, voting for Brenda and going “I guess this is the vote?”, which put him on the outs. This would normally be an issue, but since everyone sees him as a goofball, he’s not near the bottom of the pecking order. It also helps that La flor will win every immunity from here on out until the swap happens, and while not happy at first that a swap was happening, he happy with the end result, as he ends up in the majority with the OG La Flor members, although some La Flor members aren’t too happy to work with Fabio strategically. Luckily though, Fabio would successfully make it to merge, where his true game would begin.
I would usually just talk about what Fabio did throughout the merge, but I would rather highlight his interactions with key people from the merge, as they all highlight Fabio’s main characteristics to varying degrees and also help add to his story.
Alina
Alina and Fabio don’t interact too much, as Alina would spend most of her time with Kelly B and then gets swapped onto Espada when the tribe swap happens, separating her from Fabio. But when they return at the merge, Alina ends up getting targeted for her involvement with the missing food fiasco. When she tries to pitch to Fabio to keep her around, he just flat out tells her that people want her out cause she’s dangerous and people think she always has a hidden motive. This does reflect back to earlier in the game, when they were both at the bottom but no one was worried about Fabio and wanted Alina and Kelly B out first. This would carry over all the way over to that moment now. Fabio has more on the pulse in the game than people think as shown here, and he’s able to avoid it due to how he plays up the perception of him.
Marty
On paper, it makes no sense for Marty to vote for Fabio as the winner. How could the most strategic guy on Espada vote for the least strategic person in the game? However, the relationship they develop over time is what really shines. When Marty gets swapped onto La Flor, everyone from OG La Flor either wants him out, or to use him for strategic gain. Fabio is really the only guy from OG La Flor that has his back. Fabio tells Marty about Naonka getting the clue, and when OG La Flor wants to split the vote and get Marty out, Fabio fights for Marty to stay. Even though Marty does trick Fabio by claiming he was a chess grandmaster, he does warm up to Fabio. They even work together at the merge, although that ends up being short-lived as Marty is taken out
Naonka and Purple Kelly
I have to lump these two together since they both highlight the one issue with Fabio’s story. Unfortunately, since both of them quit, they both get slaughtered by the edit, which in turn ends up hurting Fabio’s story since they’re both key to it. With Naonka, she is Fabio’s biggest adversary. She finds his antics way more annoying than funny, and actively yells at him when he complains to her about something, and pretty much dislikes him all around. The feeling appears to be neutral while there on La Flor, but not all is what it seems. When merge comes around Fabio and Naonka reunite again, they actually hug and get along. Even if that ends up being short lived when Naonka steals food, but when she gets cornered and comes clean about it, Fabio is the only one to thank her for doing that. Eventually, all that kindness pays off when at the F9 reward, Naonka is the one to fill him in on the Brenda vote. When FTC comes around, Naonka, despite everything that they’ve been through, calls Fabio her hippy friend and asks about how seeing his Mom gave him the strength to keep going, and Fabio gives a heartfelt answer, telling her about how much he misses his Mom and that it was the fuel he needed to make it all the way to the end of the game. Despite their rocky relationship, Naonka ends up giving Fabio her vote to win.
Purple Kelly is another important aspect of Fabio’s story that unfortunately gets buried due to the assassination edit given to Purple Kelly. Everyone knows that Kelly was miserable due to being given very little clothes to keep her warm during Nicaragua’s monsoon season, which led to her quitting. The only real time it gets acknowledged is when Fabio mentions that now Purple Kelly can sleep when they win the tarp, which is barely heard because it happens the same time that Chase finds a hidden immunity idol clue in the tacklebox. But it's interesting that Fabio is the one to vocally acknowledge it, as he’s the one who’s most involved in it. It's never mentioned, but you do always see it. Multiple times throughout Nicaragua, you can see Kelly wearing Fabio’s yellow jacket. He allowed her to wear it sometimes when she was cold to help her stay warm. Just that kind of gesture along from Fabio helping her out the best he could, led to her voting for Fabio to win in the end.
Benry
I don’t have much to say about Fabio’s relationship with Benry, but there are two things I want to highlight from it. The first is during the Marty vote, where Benry says that the best plan is to lay low and play stupid, while Fabio says that he hated playing stupid but it was the smartest thing to do. Fast forward to the F7, and the vote is between Fabio and Benry. The main alliance of Chase, Sash, Holly, and Jane are deciding who should go between Fabio, who everyone on the jury loves and could win, or Benry, who could go on an immunity run to the end. While Fabio is in general clueless at the vote and is still “playing stupid”, Benry ends up playing really hard to get the vote onto Fabio, which freaks out Chase and leads to the alliance voting out Benry over Fabio. And guess who ends up going on an immunity run right after F6 and makes it to the end and wins?
Jane
At the first merge immunity, it's a double immunity where the last standing man and woman would win immunity. When it came down to the men, the last two guys standing were Fabio and Chase. Ultimately though, it would be Chase that drops first, giving Fabio immunity. The only person that Fabio really had to compete against was Jane. This is a great foreshadow to the end of Jane’s store as well as the continuation of Fabio’s. Both of their stories are kind of similar overall, both of them end up on the outs of their starting tribe, they get new life when the swap happens, they're both overall well liked, and they were both screwed over by Chase during the loved ones visit. Both of them had strong cases to win the game just with overall likability, but one of them would have to go to allow the other one to thrive, and when Fabio comes in clutch to win F6 immunity, the majority alliance decides to cut Jane as a threat, allowing Fabio to fully harness Jane’s power to get to the end.
Sash and Chase
Once again I’m going to lump these two together because they are the ones that end up sitting next to Fabio at the end. You have big strategy Sash and country boy Chase. On paper, it should be one of these two that should win the season instead of Fabio. They were both in control for most if not all of the game, and the only reason why Fabio was there was because he won a couple immunities at the end. But yet, Fabio is the one to clutch out the title of sole survivor. Why? In my opinion, it's because Fabio is always himself, so people see him as a genuine guy, while the other two come off as terrible or fake.
Sash's main game is strategy, doing whatever he needs to get ahead of the game and make it farther. Any bond he has with someone is only on a surface level which makes him come off as sleazy and slimy, while Fabio is always genuine with his feelings and relationships with people. No one highlights this better than Marty. Marty’s main relationships involving La Flor were mainly Fabio and Sash. While Fabio always liked Marty and gets to know Marty on a personal level, Sash only really talks to Marty for strategy and cons him out of his idol on the promise of keeping him around longer. And when Sash no longer needed to keep Marty around anymore, he burned him and voted him out. Everything Sash does comes off as slimy to everyone, even his allies, while Fabio remains pure and genuine.
With Chase, it's a bit of a different story. Chase wants to be the good guy, but gets caught up in the strategy, and keeps ending up being on both sides. He always gets flip floppy and wishy washy when it comes to voting someone out or for rewards, which ends up annoying people. It's not a problem at first, but it definitely is when he starts making promises to people that he can’t keep which upsets them more, hurting his image and makes people like him less. The biggest example to this is the loved ones visit where he promised to take Fanio on reward with him if he won. However, Chase ends up burning both Fabio and Jane, who expect Chase to pick her. This leads to both Fabio and Jane being upset, and even Fabio telling Jane about the promise Chase made, which also pissed off Dan who was there. Chase always wants to maintain being the good guy while he is playing the game but struggles because of his indecisions and breaking of promises, while Fabio is actually able to maintain that status all throughout.
This all pays off at FTC, where we finally get to see Fabio speak out against the two guys, talking about how he actually got to play the game that Chase wanted to play. He talks about how played hard by being himself and being an open book for everyone, and never backstabbed anyone in the game which Sash could never do and Chase wishes he could do. He laughs when Sash calls him a wingman, telling him to take a backseat and take some notes. He doesn’t even let jurors who put him down get in his way, as when Alina says that he wants to vote for a man to win, not a boy, Fabio said he deserved to win, and when Chase said that winning three immunities didn’t mean he outwit, outplay, or outlast hi, Fabio points out that that’s outplaying him and he chose to bring Chase to the end and then says that Sash didn’t outplay anyone. I know people usually say that Chase had the better FTC performance since he flipped votes to his side, but that doesn’t matter (and is also wrong) as Fabio will end up clenching a 5-4 victory in one of the best endings to a season I could ever ask for, and that’s awesome.
SMC0629: 5
DryBonesKing: 19
Zanthosus: 20
Tommyroxs45: 15
Regnisyak1: 21
DavidW1208: 7
ninjedi1: 2
Average Placement: 12.714
Total Points: 89
Standard Deviation: 7.889 (3rd Highest)

Me on the bus
Drunk lady: eyefucking me "I like your rings"
Me: deeper masculine southern voice "thank you"
Her: visible confusion "oh I thought you were a girl are you transgender it's ok if you are" there are so many other fucking people around on this bus Jesus christ 💀💀💀
Me: wanting to be vague "I'm in the middle of things" (nonbinary and on HRT)
Her: still confused, "I think your hair is pretty I love a man with dyed hair" continues to hit on me 😭
I'm visibly uncomfortable
A cool dude interjects asking me where I'm from detecting a Southern accent and directing the conversation about my appearance and transness. Thank you kind stranger.
(Even though I have no disphoria from my voice this interaction has me reconsidering voice training)

So my coworker and I are both attractive to eachother . He is very sweet ,but we don't have lot in common / talk about. It is very hard to communicate due to language barrier and culture differences. He is learning English and is still in college. We both live at home and savings for cars. It is a nice distraction to be flirty at work. I usually just do a quick love tap ,but other day he put his hand on my shoulder to get my attention and then asked if he could play with my hair. Sometimes we text outside of work/FT but recently put a stop to it. Then he called me a week ago to check in on me since I had a work incident . It can b frustrating at times understanding eachother and explaining what things mean etc. It is very different in the us etc. I mean I guess it wouldn't go anywhere even if he left thr company . I'm always hesitant to hang outside of work even tho we live close by because I feel like one of us would make a move. Idk if it just sexual attraction or more ... he compliments me a lot which is nice and odd being he is younger then me and have different ideas of our future. He want kids and I don't at all and very different religions believes etc .f 28 I am obviously not gonna cross a boundary because I am dedicated to keeping my job. He acts very sarcastic and idk when he is joking or not. AlthoughI am like that with everyone yet he still jokes with me . Idk .the point of posting this but feels good to let out my thoughts.

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

Dear Firestarter,
Something you said makes sense now. There was more than one girl because the one I remember did not have a "fat ass", but one time you let someone in to use the bathroom and I never saw her face but when I ran in afterward I saw the back of her, she was almost at the front door when I darted into the bathroom. That person had a fat ass and seemed to not even stand up straight. like as in not very attractive but with a fat ass. This person had short blonde hair and a hat and looked like the one in the photo you showed me where you were so proud and had your shirt off. I'm not sure which of them was the one who got pregnant now, but I don't care. Something happened when I improved you and you threw me under the bus after that. I'm still under that bus, and it seems I am stuck there and can't crawl out. As such:
I think it's coming to a point where we have to let this go.
I can't help you with anything related to the child you conceived with someone else. I shouldn't have to deal with him, but mostly I shouldn't have to deal with his mother or hear the sound of her voice. I could go on, but he's just an infant and it would be inappropriate to say anything further.
I am at a stage where I want to enjoy the bit of life I have left. I don't want to spend it like this. It's not fair to me, and if you want to continue down the path you created when you slept with someone WITHOUT BREAKING UP WITH ME FIRST, then that path does not mix with the path you and I were on as a couple. You have done something that is irreversible and it's just not fair to me.
At the same time, I don't want you to be unhappy.
We have to let it go.
It's not easy. but it has to be over, and we must get over it.
It's the right thing to do.
You need me, clearly, but that's not my problem. I have helped you enough and received nothing for it.
I don't know how to cope. I don't. I wanted to be with you forever and did everything I thought I had to do for that to happen but I was wrong somewhere I did something wrong and I can't fix it.
This isn't helping us.
Me coming here and posting isn't helping us.
We have to let it go.

I remember being 13 the first time I used a tape measure to measure out my face and head. I had measured my philtrum to be too long, my lips much too thin and mouth too small. My eyes were far too deep set and hooded. My nose was too small for my face to look balanced. Jaw too wide. A lot of me was and is too wide feeling. My head is big. I was a big baby too. Came out at 11 pounds. Even when smaller physically I can never get the feeling of taking up so much space. I feel like I encompass a room the way bulky furniture does. And it’s painful. Because I’d cry and cry and argue with my mom how I felt. How wrong I felt. And she’d cry and get so mad with me. That I was beautiful and I’m comparing myself to things that weren’t real but they are. Little things like I was not as beautiful as my friend in an objective way. And my hair is so thin and fine I didn’t even have the ability to hide any of it or even pretend. Couldn’t do cool hairstyles. Makeup still sits awkwardly on my face no matter how I try to improve. I do a 8 step skincare routine every night and still can’t get rid of the red patch of white heads on my nose. It was so effortless for some people. And for a long time I tried to make up for it by being the kind of person who complimented others as much as possible. Every nice thing I had to say was shared. But no one had nice things to say about me if it wasn’t about my ass. Even my own family. I am so uncomfortable in my body. I hate being touched or desired. I hate being looked at.
The worst part is how consumed by it I am. How vain I feel. How ugly I feel on the inside. No one will love me for my outside and the inside is just as unsightly. Sometimes I feel so completely and utterly disgusting. I have such a hard time making friends because I feel so deeply and painfully poorly about myself. I don’t discuss it with others. Few to no people know how deep my self hatred goes. But I wanted to be beautiful so so bad. Not ‘ you’re so beautiful to me’. I wanted to just be ‘you’re beautiful’. The kind of beautiful that someone would stop to tell me in the bathroom or my social awkwardness got to be cute instead of off putting. The kind where I didn’t have to know how my extended family talks about me behind my back. I want to cry pretty. I want someone to be gobsmacked by me. But it’s not a reality. I’m never going to get to be like psyche or Helena or Eurydice. And I wish it was over. I’m so tired of being consumed by this. So so so tired.

I have no clue where to post this. Tressless is useless because they never answer questions.
So a lot of people use lash serums and whatever on their brows and lashes, but they don't give permanent results, especially on the eyelashes with things like latisse. I want long eyelashes, and for them to grow out to the same length after I stop using the products, and this isn't possible with serums.
Minoxidil is a hair growth medicine, but so many people say not to use it near the eyes because the alcohol will damage the cornea.
I want to know if I can apply it on my lash line after waiting 10-15 minutes for the alcohol to evaporate. I would be taking the product that is applied on the eyebrows and rubbing it onto the eyelashes. Is this a bad idea still? Or can I use it this way?

I want to be someone’s number one, ya know? I want someone to tell me I’m cute, I want someone who is as excited to see me as I am them. I’d like someone to see me, with all my flaws, my insecurities, my imperfections, my quirks… and say "I see so much worth in this."
Hello everyone! I’m a huge anime/manga/Japanese video games nerd, looking for someone who also shares these passions. I love art and creativity. I’m a shy, introverted guy, a total nerd and homebody, and I have so much love in my heart to give to another person. I always try to see the beauty in things, and keep from cynicism. Let’s lift each other up, let’s make each other smile, let’s make our days a little brighter ❤️
I’m looking for a monogamous relationship based on honesty, communication, and mutual respect. Let’s be each other’s cheerleaders and support one another! I’m also a pacifist, and very passionate about peace and nonviolence! ❤️🌎☮️ I want to make the world a better place in my own small way. I really care about helping others and being a good person.
My Physical Description: Brown hair, hazel eyes, pretty thin. More than comfortable sending a picture.
Don’t worry if I don’t reply to your chat immediately, I’m probably just away from my device or asleep. I look forward to hearing from you, have a nice night!

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ADHDabsurdity
TIFU by realizing I wasn’t washing my “hair” right for 20+ years
Originally posted to tifu
TRIGGER WARNING: depictions of severe skin conditions
Original Post Aug 2, 2023
Uh okay. So warning.. this is very much gross.
Over the past several weeks I have been feeling these weird skin-like but not fully-attached lumps on my head. I’ve been scratching and picking them off fully (or so I thought) and didn’t give it a second thought.
Well, today my boyfriend takes a good look at my scalp in one of those spots that I was scratching because he was curious as to what I was doing. Apparently I was really going at it without noticing.
He practically gasped and asked me if I had hit my head, or if it hurt. I was stunned for a moment (it only felt like a little dry skin) and that began my panic induced examination. As it turns out, my entire scalp is covered in ranges of flaky to thick lumps of dandruff. And because I have a lot of hair, it isn’t noticeable on the outside unless you start going through layer by layer…
I obsessively begin to scratch and scrape my entire scalp to the point where it’s now in pain. There’s flakes and chunks entangled throughout my hair.. I am freaking out. I start Googling, thinking I must be dying, all my hair is about to fall out, etc.
Yeah.. no. Apparently you are supposed to scrub your scalp when you shampoo… I never knew this. Also I immediately put my wet hair in a bun or braid every time I washed it so it didn’t dry for literally 24 hours and caused more dry skin buildup. I really hope that after years (plus scraping for hours today) I haven’t really fucked my scalp up.
TL;DR : I haven’t scrubbed my scalp for 20 years because I didn’t know you had to. I have been scraping chunks of dry skin off my scalp for the past few hours. I feel disgusting.
EDIT: Firstly I’d like to say thank you to everyone for your advice and kind replies! I also wanted to answer a few of the common questions I saw.
1) “How did you not notice this for so long?” - I don’t think it was this bad my entire life, as I’ve said I’ve only seen flakes sometimes. It got like this sometime recently. I don’t particularly make note of checking my scalp on a periodic basis. Also if you haven’t already noticed by my username, I have ADHD. Out of sight out of mind. I don’t even intend to be gross… but like many others with ADHD we can struggle with habit, routines, etc.
2) “Why did you not just go to a doctor?” - I’m in America and healthcare costs are high. I can’t afford to go see one at this time even with insurance.
3) “Where did you put shampoo then?” - I put it on my head (obviously) and throughout all my hair. I think since my hair is so thick that when lathering the shampoo in, I may not have been really getting it onto my scalp enough. I’ve made note of the shampooing twice to help with that though, so thanks to those who said that!
4) “Did your parents not teach you ‘xyz’?” - Apparently not. Not everyone has good parents. I definitely did not. I’ve had to figure out many things throughout life on my own.
Most replies were very positive/helpful though. Thank you! I will be getting a new shampoo as I’ve been using a very cheap brand. Hopefully that helps!
TOP COMMENTS
NovaHorizon

Go see a dermatologist! That doesn't sound like a pure hygiene issue.

obsidianbonefish

Sounds like psoriasis on your scalp. The flakes are thick and oily. A dermatologist can prescribe something for it.

~
3pelican

Tbh it sounds more like you could have developed psoriasis or something on your scalp. I don’t ‘scrub’ my scalp when I shampoo my hair - sure I get the shampoo to the roots but I’m not actively trying to exfoliate my head - and I don’t have this issue. You should see someone about it.

TIFUpdate by realizing I wasn’t washing my “hair” right for 20+ years May 20, 2024 (9 months later)
Hi. It’s me again. I posted nearly a year ago about my “disgusting” scalp. Most comments were super helpful & positive. Others… called me a gross human being.
Anyhow, as it turns out, many of you were correct. I have psoriasis. I wasn’t washing my haiscalp wrong like I had thought. (I thought you had to scrape it basically.. like many other commenters had me believe.) but I am not an unhygienic person. Quite the opposite.
After posting that, I started to develop dry patches behind one of my ears, and around my eyebrows. No amount of washing, or lotion, makes them go away. So yeah. Turns out I wasn’t washing myself incorrectly. I just have psoriasis… I guess even this update is basically another “TIFU” by thinking I was not washing myself correctly; when I just had a skin condition.
Thanks to everyone who gave tips for dealing with psoriasis! And I’m glad my post called light to an issue that is more common than people think!
TL;DR: My real fuck up was not that I was washing myself incorrectly. I have psoriasis.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Sarcasmiron

I hope you got the psoriasis diagnosis from a dermatologist. Don't rely on reddit diagnosis. See a dermatologist if you haven't already, if you want a guaranteed plan of action.

OOP

Yes. I’d never just rely on a “Reddit diagnosis” . I’m not insane lol. People on here can give good advice but I know they aren’t doctors. I saw a dermatologist (again). I already had been living with a minor skin condition; keratosis pilaris. And my brother has eczema. But now I have been diagnosed with psoriasis.

~
dano5

do you have the nail-pits? it looks like someone took a needle to my nails on my hands.
that's how I found out... and going bald once in a while helps me and my scalp a lot, but that's not for everyone :p

OOP

Yeah I actually do.. I never considered anything of it though. And was always told it wasn’t a cause for concern. They were just “marks that meant you’ve survived trauma”. So that is really interesting that you brought that up. As for the going bald to help it part, idk if that’s something I could ever do. My hair means a lot to me. As a female/fairly feminine person, I can’t imagine myself without my hair.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I have 3c curls and so I’ve only recently learned more about styles and treatments for straighter hair types. One of my friends got airtouch highlights recently and I went down a rabbit hole because it is S T U N N I N G. It gives the most beautiful, natural look I’ve ever seen, and the technique seems to be no more involved or require more from the stylist and babylights do. Since then I’ve been looking at what people have going on and the highlight landscape is looking unfortunate to my untrained eye. I get that chunky highlights are a thing, and I like that look because it’s specific, but a lot of smaller highlights and babylights look streaky (to me.) My question is, is everyone aware of this technique and just not using it? Is there a reason someone would choose babylights over airtouch when going for a rooted look? Is the current trend of highlights a more high-contrast look? It’s not really for my hair type so I want to understand better.

First time reading through this run and I'm loving it, but there's serious inconsistency in the art style from issue to issue, and even sometimes within the same issue. Like one issue has that more gritty grounded look, and the next is super clean and more cartoony.
It also changes the character's features and appearance. In the last issue, Ganke had a man bun and a beard, and in the next issue, he has no beard and shorter hair. And sometimes Miles' suit changes in terms of eye shape and even design /emblem design. I understand these were hand drawn (digitally) and it's never going to be exactly uniform but when the artsyle changes so much from one issue to the next, it's just kind of jarring. Not a huge thing, I just thought it was odd and wondered if anyone else noticed it?

First time reading through this run and I'm loving it, but there's serious inconsistency in the art style from issue to issue, and even sometimes within the same issue. Like one issue has that more gritty grounded look, and the next is super clean and more cartoony.
It also changes the character's features and appearance. In the last issue, Ganke had a man bun and a beard, and in the next issue, he has no beard and shorter hair. And sometimes Miles' suit changes in terms of eye shape and even design /emblem design. I understand these were hand drawn (digitally) and it's never going to be exactly uniform but when the artsyle changes so much from one issue to the next, it's just kind of jarring. Not a huge thing, I just thought it was odd and wondered if anyone else noticed it?

First time reading through this run and I'm loving it, but there's serious inconsistency in the art style from issue to issue, and even sometimes within the same issue. Like one issue has that more gritty grounded look, and the next is super clean and more cartoony.
It also changes the character's features and appearance. In the last issue, Ganke had a man bun and a beard, and in the next issue, he has no beard and shorter hair. And sometimes Miles' suit changes in terms of eye shape and even design /emblem design. I understand these were hand drawn (digitally) and it's never going to be exactly uniform but when the artsyle changes so much from one issue to the next, it's just kind of jarring. Not a huge thing, I just thought it was odd and wondered if anyone else noticed it?

Please note that this concern is regarding specifically to logging into FFXIV through the unofficial XoM launcher, on a device that you are not the owner of (i.e. you go to your friend's house and login through their computer for whatever reason)/
Title.
Why: As of writing, the XIV on Mac launcher automatically saves your Square Enix ID and Password on the device when you attempt to login, whether you want it to or not. This is not ideal when using someone else's device. Your username and password can be made visible in plain text by using the device's login credentials (basically by the owner of the device).
This is never told to the user. In fact, the ability to save your password is conveyed as a secure opt-in feature in their FAQs: "If you choose to save your credentials, XIV on Mac makes use of the macOS Keychain to securely store your password."
It seems that there are people that think enabling Auto-Login is what saves your credentials. It is not. To clarify, the Auto-Login toggle is literally nothing but an option to auto-click the Login button as soon as you open the launcher. It has absolutely nothing to do with saving your password.
To make matters worse, the launcher itself has no option to delete your saved credentials (how to manually delete them below).
To be fair, this is an unfortunate circumstance in how both macOS and FFXIV handles login credentials. If you want the ability to save your password for FFXIV, this is seemingly the only secure way. It is also a non-issue if you are the sole user of the Mac, and never login through XIV on Mac on another person's Mac. However, the problem is obviously concerning whenever you or someone else logs into FFXIV through this launcher, on a device they do not own.
I also found it very concerning that when I raised the issue to the XIV on Mac Support through their Discord, I got a weird mix of not understanding my concern in the first place, and willfully ignoring it. I was basically told that it was a non-issue because you should be using OTP. Which would in fact circumvent the issue, provided that you are not also using your FFXIV credentials elsewhere. Not to mention that there are inevitably going to be people that do not use OTP, since it is not mandatory.
After some more back and forth and understanding the unfortunate circumstance of the macOS and FFXIV login systems making it this way, I recommended that an easy removal of credentials inside the app and/or a disclaimer, notice, or warning for the user was warranted. However, in the end, I was told that I'm being absurd, trolling, insulting, and ignorant. For some reason, they seemed to be hyper-focused on the device owner effectively being the only user, which again, is then a non-issue and completely secure, but also completely irrelevant to the concern I raised.
So, take this PSA how you will, whether or not it will even affect you, or anyone at all. Figured that I'd post this just in case that this is applicable to you, which is realistically an extremely small chance. So maybe this entire thing is pointless.
The real PSA: always use unique login credentials for all your accounts, and turn on two-factor authentication (OTP). If everybody always did this, I wouldn't be making this post.
TL;DR: XoM by default saves your credentials without telling you, no simple way to delete it, which can be an issue when using another person's device. Raised the concern to XoM support, was told that I'm crazy, while ignoring the key part 'when using another person's device'.
.
How to manually delete your username and password for XIV on Mac: Open "Keychain Access.app" (not to be confused with iCloud Keychain) that is found in your Applications -> Utilities folder (or just spotlight search it). Go to the Login tab on the left menu bar. Find secure.square-enix.com for your account and delete it. Deleting the entry can be done without the device credentials.
An alternative method is to just reattempt to login with a nonsense password, as a failed login attempt will still save and update your credentials that are saved on the device. However, this does not remove the Square Enix ID that is saved, if that matters to you.

So, my idea was create a strong and unique companion to fight with us. I wanted a way to do this without harming the creature. Then I was thinking, what if i used speak with animals to make some deal or anything else with the specimen. If I succeed, the creation starts. I would the use polymorph to reduce Int, then a friend immediately would cast Awaken. Now awakened and sentient , we would tell him to attune with the headband of intellect. Now the ape is a 19 int creature, which can potentially learn things from the party members, like read and fighting techniques given the right amount of time. At least in theory. He could attune to other items and become even more powerful. Items like spell storing ring (DMG) and the eldritch claw tattoo (TCE). The Elven chain (DMG) was a solution for his low AC too. It's even possible? Is there anything I can do to improve my idea?