Just Venting May 28th 2024 I Don't think People Will Ever Understand my Situation.
Which I understand.
Just Kinda Get Tired Of People Making Assumptions when they are not in my position
How is that possible to know I'm feeling on the inside of my body
GOD knows what I Feel.
Just Human Doesn't know
I have to realize some people just are negative
Doesn't mean they are bad people
But just means I can't Fully be around them
Nothing personal against them
Just some people Make some people feel worse
Not trying to separate but sometimes you have to deal with them at a distance
Because some people bring triggers
If I see people constantly gossiping about other people I don't know
Then I know I shouldn't Probably be around them
Because Gossiping is a trigger for me
If you gossiping about others
It's only going to be so long before I'm the topic to gossip about
If you are not doing it behind my back already.
Just People Be Trolling me on the Internet and social media
For I don't know how long
I'll say about 10 years
Just People Try To Tear you down or Expose me as they say
But I don't really have anything to expose?
Trying to tear me down and make me cry again.
Like I can't control people judgments
Like I be thinking people are out of their way trying to prove something isn't wrong with me
Because I heard this from some ignorant family members and people
That doesn't know how I'm feeling
I won't be surprised if they hacked my Cellphone 📱
Which Technically is Illegal to Stalk or Record people Without their Permission
Trying to find Dirt on me or something to tear me down
Because it's just negative people that don't believe my genuine feelings I have daily
It happened to my sister malware was on her phone from her ex
So it kinda made me scary or paranoid
Ask my immediate family members my brother my mom my sister which she didn't understand at first
But trying to understand
Even my stepdad the one that passed away he didn't quite understand
Until that last year in 2015 he talked to me in person
And realized this is something I really was struggling with
We made peace in 2015
Said To Me In His Bedroom " Now I understand "
Because some people thought I was seeking attention or something
But Me Seeking attention Since I was 5 years old
That's a very long time if I was seeking attention
Most attention seekers would be tired by them almost 30 years
Most attention seekers especially if they are not getting attention
Will not Keep seeking attention because they are not getting it.
Most people stop by then
I don't have friends I don't have a following
Like Some people on social media
I am not getting ad revenue
I'm not a social media influencer trying to Garner attention
Just a regular dude venting my life
I talk like this on camera which is exhausting
And off camera to my mom and to myself in my room
Thinking because I do talk to myself since I don't have friends
I don't answer my self
But speak aloud my thoughts and feelings to release tension and stress
So this just me venting on my life.
This something I been feeling Since I was like 5 years old
I kinda knew when I was 17 it was going to be even rough adulthood than childhood
Which I tried to kill myself in 2010 when I was on Gresham road
Which that Was behind the scenes at home
Only my brother and mother seen it
Just I kinda tried numerous jobs
From McDonald's to Goodwill to factories working upwards to 16 hours some days
Trying to push through but my body couldn't handle that
Like I was feeling "Flight or Fight" responses like I was Running From Being Shot at night
By My Dad in 2011
Still have nightmares about that it just doesn't go away
And more scenarios in my childhood as well I'm not going to disclose.
People don't understand I jump when I hear gunshots
I try to not look crazy around people
So I try to look normal
But every time I hear a gunshot or something my heart starts pumping
And I start feeling exhausted and sad
Like I can't control if someone shoots a gun or pops a firecracker
But I try to put on my noise cancelling headphones
Even certain songs I have to mute if I hear a gunshot sound
If I can catch it
Even movies I'm not familiar with
I try to mute sounds if a gunshot scene comes
If I can catch it
This really a big issue
But people don't see that when I have to mute my TV
They also don't see
When I have bad days
They probably don't see if I have good days
I try to get laughs in
Because laughter is natural medicine
To distract from the negative thoughts I have everyday
They don't see due to my meds
That have me very sleepy which I take at night.. but carries on to the next morning
Sometimes I wake up at 12 pm sometimes late as 5 pm
Seroquel just does that
Even I tried waking up early I end up going back to sleep
I literally have to take a pre workout supplement
Which has caffeine which makes my anxiety worse
Just to fight it the medicine
Like I workout it's the best medicine
Better than any Prescription drug I don't do recreational drugs
But it naturally gets rid of my anxiety while working out at home
Didn't work In a commercial gym.
Which this gym equipment saved my life
It really helps me
If I lose that I probably will kill myself
And I was at risk of Type 2 diabetes
And my blood work was off due to I couldn't work out since I didn't leave my house
And of Course mentally I got really depressed since I didn't have no coping mechanism
I be depressed Alot but working out helps me cope with the thoughts I have
And temporarily gets rid of my anxiety
But only last 1 hour post workout
And anxiety comes back
Some people think I'm on steroids
Which I think I'm small
But I can't keep a stable job
Plus steroids cost money
If I can barely afford food and amino acids
Which comes from protein and food
How can I afford steroids?
I never took a steroid
I don't even take creatine anymore
Because my kidneys
And I have health issues which my natural testosterone is ok
So I have no reason to take steroids and I'm not competing in bodybuilding shows
I'm not a YouTuber or social media influencer making $1000s or even 100,000$
Making money on the Internet so I don't have a reason to
Plus due to the medicine I take it effects my Kidneys
Like I hope my kidneys are ok
Because I love to workout and it really helps me
I probably would kill myself if I can't workout and build muscle anymore
I don't use steroids
Just men's vitamins and fish oil and beta alanine and protein and amino acids from protein
I eat 200 grams daily since I'm 235 right now
Just hope my kidneys get back normal
Because I take a lot of medicine
Might have to stop one of my medications
Because I take Prep Which is A HIV medicine
Because I'm so paranoid of Contracting HIV
But I Don't even have sex like that since I don't leave my house
But I just take prep because I be scared I'm going to get HIV for a Hypothetical reason
Which I know HIV medicines I don't have HIV
I understand if I had it
But I don't Have HIV I take Prep Which is a HIV Medicine to prevent Catching it
Which HIV meds is hard on the kidneys
But Weird Thing is I don't even have sex
I haven't had sex with a woman since 2022
I haven't been in a relationship since 2019
Which was my only relationship with a woman
Just I Do Have a Desire for sex like every other human being
But Masturbating is such a lonely experience
And sometimes gets depressing
And I jack off so much
That when I had real sex with a woman I couldn't orgasm
I never orgasm from Vaginal sex or oral or even anal
Which I don't like anal sex.
Just I only orgasm from my hands
And the few I can't count on 1 Hand those women would be upset
Because they thought I wasn't interested in them
Technically I am still a virgin because I never orgasm from sex
It makes me last long like hours
I think they called it "Delayed Ejaculation" opposite of "Premature Ejaculation"
But I never could Ejaculate no matter how tight or wet the woman was.
Only Orgasm with my Hand And Pornography
Which is frustrating because I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25 years old
Which due to my Agoraphobia and anxiety
And difficult time keeping a job and not having money
I didn't have many Women partners
And sometimes my agoraphobia and anxiety
Gives me erectile dysfunction issues
But people don't see that
They don't see how my disabilities effect my whole life
They don't see I don't go to clubs or malls or recreational events
If course I can't keep a job
Because most jobs want you to work atleast 4 hours
And I barely can do 1 hour
Before my body starts false flagging
Lightheaded and migraines I deal with
And dizziness and nausea and irritation in my bowels
And lightheadedness
Blurry vision
But people say I'm just making excuses
People just say I'm lazy
People say I'm sponging or using people
People say I'm a fraud
That stuff hurts
Because Jesus knows what I feel
I pray to Jesus to get me through the day
I pray to GOD as well
To help me cope in my head
But people don't understand what they don't see or feel
So I don't like people taking what I say with a grain of salt.
But people don't understand
It hurts but people don't understand
Just my life even talking on the phone
And I have to leave today to pick up a product from the store
And I'm going to walk
I'm going to be so exhausted and check my mail
And I can't drive due to my anxiety and Agoraphobia
I was shaking behind the wheel which the blurry vision
Lightheaded ness
People don't understand because most people can drive a car
I see it on the highways all the time
They don't understand how this effects my day to day life
Even my kidneys which I pray to GOD it doesn't fails on me.
I don't drink or do drugs or abuse anything
Just hope that's ok
But Anxiety sometimes raise my blood pressure
I take a beta blocker to try to manage it
Just wish people could understand
I'm not a fraud
This is my life
I been feeling this way since 5 years old I can remember
Just as I get older it effects my life
You naturally get depressed
Which I try to cope with
Loneliness makes you depressed
Not having sex makes you depressed
Not having a partner
Or feeling like a burden makes you depressed
I just try to get laughs or find a coping mechanism
Not Able to keep a job
Since most jobs want me to work 4 hours atleast
And I only can do 1 hour which is not substantial unless they pay me 200$ for that 1 hour daily
Which is unrealistic probably would say I'm unreasonable
But that's what I need to survive
Can't die over the phone
And freelance jobs no ADA protections
Since I work for myself
And the Accomodations are not reasonable
Because you have to do what is most profitable to a company or business
1 hour 200$ is not profitable
I can't work more than 1 hour
I would be able to finish the task
And if I do for one day I wouldn't be able to be consistent
Probably crash and have a panic attack
But people don't understand

I (23F)found out I had HSV1-g almost 2 years ago. I contacted it from a relationship turned situationship with a guy that would get cold sores on his mouth every once in a while. We both had no knowledge that you could contract oral herpes on the genitals that way and he was very apologetic when I had my first OB. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out for us but I have found myself going back to him for the past two years. One of the reasons being because I’m scared to sleep with anybody else and having to disclose about my HSV. I have dated and talked to other people but when it gets to the point of sleeping together I back out .. eventually going back to my situationship for pleasure and comfort.. I feel like that physical part of my life with anyone else is over. I don’t know how to properly disclose to people without them freaking out because herpes has such a horrible reputation now a days. I also live in a smaller town and don’t want everyone to find out and think bad things about me and my unfortunate and unlucky situation. I’m ready to move on from this situationship and eventually sleep with someone else but this fear has been holding me back for two years. I have only had one OB in two years but still am so uncomfortable and depressed about this diagnosis. I don’t know how to look past it and just see me anymore.. I have lost all my confidence and think about this daily. I could really use any advice on how to move past this stage of feeling stuck. Tips on disclosing? When to disclose? Anything to help me get back out there and gain my confidence back..

This is going to be a long post, I’m sorry about that! My mom and I have a weird relationship, a lot of the time it’s good! But I always feel like a sort of tension between us if I say something she doesn’t like, if that makes sense? I personally believe if you’re close with the person, you should be able to bring up stuff that bothered you, even if wasn’t their intention to. But my mom just bottles in everything that upsets her, I say sorry if I noticed it or ask her if she’s doing okay. And its always “no I’m fine” but when there’s a small disagreement, she unloads everything that’s pissed her off since I’ve been home (I’m in university so I come home during breaks).
I don’t wanna come across that I’m not at fault, i know I can be very attitudey sometimes but if I notice I apologize and fix my behaviors the best I can. (Not always tho haha). But, it feels like she’s very quick to call out my flaws - which some I can agree with! Some tho, she just says to everyone in the house when she’s upset lol. But anyway, there’s the background. I’m home for the summer, job hunting. And since I’m without a job for the moment, I am cleaning the house, helping with my younger siblings. The other day, my little sister ran to me because she was scared because my mom was yelling at my younger brother. My mom came into the room and was like “I can’t stand your siblings” and I was like “well (sisters name) is scared right now.” And she tried to over explain the situation to make herself less at fault, which she would do after squeezing my arm too hard as a kid, calling me a the c and b word, etc. So I was like “it doesn’t really matter, she’s still scared.” And she walked away pissed, and I was like “no one in this house can take accountability.” And she stormed back in was like “intent is a big thing for me. Why should I apologize if I didn’t mean to scare her? Or hurt you?” So I looked at her and said “if I accidentally stepped on someone’s foot, I would still apologize because I still hurt their foot.” And she said “physical is different than emotional.” And I was like the point still stands, and she went on this long rant about how it’s not her job to make everyone happy, and the world isn’t going to cater to my feelings, I can’t expect her to apologize if she didn’t mean to hurt me, oh she’s such a bad mother, oh I guess your childhood was so bad, etc. and I was like “I’m not saying the world, but in close relationships shouldn’t you say sorry first and then explain you weren’t trying to hurt the person? And the phrase I’m sorry but isn’t an apology.” And it just was a lot of clashing back and forth, and I ended up just apologizing. This was two days ago - and she’s been super nice to me, she made me breakfast, told me to keep trying with jobs but don’t worry because she’ll financially support me until one calls me back. But earlier today, she went to the park with my siblings, and my other sister who is 15 came back home and told me my mom was bad mouthing me the whole time. She said I called her a bad mom which I never did, said I’m trying to over-parent, etc. But shes still acting all buddy buddy so idk, am I just making this a big deal?

So i’ve noticed this smell 3/4 times over the last year coming from her and at first i thought maybe it was discharge and it was normal but when i would google it , nothing came up about this specific thing. yesterday it was really bad, we were thinking about bringing her to the vet but she acts completely normal, super super playful, eats like a mad man, drinks lots of water … very healthy eyes and nose/mouth … so im not sure if it’s something i need to worry about or if it just happens ?
she’s spayed , it smells kinda fishy. not sure if we need to bring her in to see a vet or not.

Hoping that someone here may have some insight here— I’ve started to notice a terrible taste in my mouth when I wake up in the morning and if I’m between meals / not pounding water. It’s almost like onions or garlic deep in my tongue? I’m brushing my teeth same but did switch toothpastes kinda recently. Wondering if the cause might be going up on my lithium recently combined with the weather getting warmer and it’s a symptom of not drinking enough water somehow? It’s really grossing me out.

Hello my love. Yet again I come to an end of a very long, exhausting, emotional day. Today is the day they did AC burial for the girl. That was my roommate. They had a celebration of life at a really nice restaurant near the water and then we took a charter boat out to the middle of the Gulf and they spread her ashes and her wreath and some sunflowers for her. It was very sad but it was also very beautiful to watch. You can tell she was loved by so many and past that. Love on to her husband and her daughters and her stepdaughters and pretty much anyone else that she met. It was comforting and eye-opening to listen to their stories of someone that I barely knew. I only got to spend time with her for that brief. We were in the rehab and then I talked to her a lot on Facebook. But I never saw her again. I still have that picture of us that we took together in there and she made me swear. I would never post it. I never did but I kept the picture. I held it together. Pretty good. I guess that's easy to do when you don't really know the person. But I broke down when they let her ashes go in the water. It was very emotional All together. I took a video for them because everyone else was crying and sad so I thought that they might appreciate it in the future. It's weird how you can feel a connection to someone that you barely even know. But everyone crosses our paths or for a reason and every place we are, especially in moments like that are for a reason. I believe I was brought there to represent friendship for her. Most of her friends are in Colorado or California and couldn't make it. The people that were here today were mostly her family. And then I talked to her husband's brother who lives in St. Louis and he's a cop. I may have opened his eyes a little bit for medical marijuana use for his mother and his wife. He is always saying how bad it is and I just, you know me being me, chimed in with all of my advocation for it and saying how well it's worked for me and many others. Maybe I was meant to cross his path and he can take that information out and change their minds. Minds. Who knows?
Before I headed to the celebration of life, I drove all the way down to Gulfport which is past the St. Pete beaches. Because I found a piece of citrine that was absolutely beautiful and the price was right. It even came with a stand. I can't wait to find the perfect place to display it. It's a very deep bold yellow with a hint of orange. It reminds me of pretty sunflowers, but more importantly, it's a giant tribute to your birthstone and I can put it up in the house. It already has tons of energy because I saw a bunch of other pieces online but that is the one that I had to have. It was calling my name and I drove 45 minutes completely out of the way to go grab it. The person I bought it from seems like they have good energy as well. I am still going to cleanse it myself to ward off anything bad that might be attached to it, but the overall feeling makes me super happy and that tells me that it was meant to be.
I had a couple glasses of wine at the celebration of life. They tasted good at the time, but now I am starting to feel a headache coming on. It happens almost every time I drink anything anymore. I just want to get some coffee or smoke something or take some ibuprofen or eat. I'm not really sure which is going to help. Maybe I need a combination of everything combined. I am so tired. I am not used to pulling all of these really long days without getting a nap or without getting a break in between. I just have to make it through one more day. But tomorrow isn't necessarily a long day. It's just going to be a late day because I go in from 2:00 to close. Part of me just wants to say fuck it and not go but I got to get the money while the money is there and I'm losing a day because of Rs graduation on Thursday so that would defeat the purpose of switching days.
Where have you been my love? I hope you are not angry with me for anything. Of course that is me always thinking the worst. I miss you. I hope to hear from you soon. I have A long drive ahead of me before I make it home. You know I will be writing to you again tomorrow. I hope you had a good day and I hope you have sweet dreams. Can't wait to see you in mine again. Always and forever, I love you more.

He used to follow a girl on Tiktok I saw him asking her to talk with him on insta ( he send his insta account to her). I get advantage of that and make a fake account of that girl and text my boyfriend, he start flirting with her but also he told her a made up story (that there was a girl he loved when he was a teenager but she got married somewhere else and he till now because he loved her so much he never get committed to any girl, and then he send "My photos" to on that fake account that this is the girl he loved) He loved chubby girls Im chubby too but when I asked him who is more pretty me or his ex he said you are more pretty she was fat and he didn't like fat and also that my hands are manly. But on the other hand when I starting degrading my ownself he start defending it that no she wasn't that bad and her figure was sexy blah blah. The I asked him to swear that he dont love that girl anymore and im (the fake girl) the only woman now he wants. He doesn't swear easily and make me struggle alot to make him swear but at last he did it after I insisted. --1) what you think, he loves me or not? Why he is doing all this shit when he cares about me? Also he wanna marry me he talked to my parents, then why he is doing all this shit? . . Now the plan is: I will ask him to come on date (from fake account) Im asking him to come to another city because I live there. He agreed.Now when he comes on the location I will send my male friend instead, I have asked my male friend to make my bf face time through video call. And then I will ask him what he is doing here and why did he cheat and make him look like a fool. --2) what you think about my plan it is a nayy or yayyy?
I LOVE HIM he is not pretty not rich nothing extraordinary but he is the first and my only bf ever. We are in relationship since 2023 summer. We are in long distance relationship but have met multiple times. Haven't dont intercourse yet because im old schooled and I wanna lose my virginity on wedding night. But we have done other things, like kissing, I gave him blowjob: he cummed in my mouth and I just gulped his liquid which was very HOT. Cudding, sucking and all the intimate things we have done but not intercourse. --3) what should I do? Should I leave him after teaching him a lesson without listening to his any shitty excuses or boycott him temporarily.
From few a month Im being rude with him because I had feelings there is something fishy going on, You know that feeling in your stomach when You dont have proof but you just know it. After this all fake account thingy i just cant help it Im burning in fire i wanna burst on him but Im controling it eventually for the right time he might noticed that no? Today on call he told me that he is getting alot of girls request online lately then when I mock him "go talk to them dont call me" he said Im just doing that for passing time i only love you. I asked wdym by passing time and what even are you doing. He didn't answered my question, and changed the topic immediately.

It would be me.
First of all... I'm a little h... I'm a lot high. So... If this doesn't make sense it's okay because I worked Monday and so today is the start of my memorial day holiday. Get over it.
Guess my taco bell order. Just kidding. Don't. It'll freak me out if you get it right and I'll think you're my ex using an alt to keep tabs on me.
Anyways, who am I? I love animals. They are a huge part of my homelife and my work life. I also love refried beans. They are a huge part of my home life but a much less large part of my work life... I've never eaten refried beans at my work.
I love music. I've always got something playing and I love finding new things, so send me something you like to hear. If it's bad I'm gonna block you though. Just kidding. I'll just ghost you. Hehe.
Anyways, this is me.
About you: fun, funny, or at least you think I'm funny because that means you have great taste in funny people, engaging, at least somewhat present, confident or willing to lie and pretend to be, maybe hot. Maybe just pretty. Maybe super cute. Idk. Did you know those are all different?
Ok bye.
Send a picture.
Don't just say hi.
I don't want to date you or marry you I'm sorry I'm just talking on the internet to you.

Okay so for some context, a couple years back I owned nearly everything SpongeBob related, which one of those things I remember owning being this medium sized clock/toy that had games on it.
For some background on the item, it was essentially a plastic model of SpongeBob, head to toe, with a big screen where his mouth was, which housed the clock function. There was no color, it was just a lowly lit black pixelated screen, almost like a smaller Gameboy screen. I believe it was a touch screen as well, and there may have been physical plastic buttons on SpongeBob's cheeks. The main thing with it was that you could spin SpongeBob's pants around, and the other side of his pants just showed his white underwear.
When being unused, the screen just showed the time. I believe you had to press something to activate the games. It played some basic music and it had a very similar if not the same voice as the realistic-fish-head guy from the news. I think when turning SpongeBob's pants around, it would give you access to different games or something. There was a button you had to press when you were done playing the games to reset it back to clock mode, and when doing so, it'd say "Bye Bye!" as a short animation of SpongeBob waving would play along with a short audio jingle before it would shift to the clock screen.
The only two games I can remember very clearly, was a Red Light, Green Light style game with SpongeBob moving, and Patrick trying to catch you moving. You pressed buttons on the screen while Patrick was turned around to move SpongeBob closer, as 3 or 4 different music tracks shuffled whilst Patrick was facing the other way. The other game was a weird one that only had SpongeBob, and had really no skill involved. SpongeBob stood in front of a table with 5 or 6 weirdly shaped bottles, all supposed to be "juice" or something. The idea was you had to pick (at random) two bottles from the table, and an animation would play of SpongeBob pouring each bottle, mixing the drink, and tasting it, and he'd make a reaction after tasting it depending on whether the mix you picked was "correct", "almost correct" or "incorrect". A short audio clip from the fish newscaster would follow after SpongeBob tasted the drink, basically saying if you got it right, if you had one choice wrong, or if both choices were wrong.
I really hope this is enough info, because being a long long time fan of SpongeBob, just about every human made thing has a version of it with SpongeBob slapped on it, so its been extremely hard to find the specific item without getting results for literally anything else, especially since I don't know the name of the actual product. I appreciate any help!

Or sedatives, tranquilizers, whatever. No matter how bad the pain is, I hate feelings of numbness or drowsiness even more. I wouldn't smoke weed if didn't usually have a stimulant effect on me and the very few strains that do make me sleepy give me a panic attack because of it that thankfully negates whatever "relaxing" effect. When I accidentally got some of my mother-in-law's lidocaine cream in my mouth, I spent several minutes trying to rinse out not the lidocaine cream but the feeling of numbness itself. So called "laughing gas" only made me cry and scream and violently lash out because I hated feeling like I couldn't move. When people watch those funny anesthesia videos, I have to leave the room. Regular ol' sleeping is already bad enough because when I'm asleep I'm not awake.
When I look up "phobia of sedatives" or whatever new wording I try that day, it's "sedatives for phobia" instead. Or "fear of needles" or "fear of vomiting" but never fear of the drug itself. Nope, you'll be high! You'll be happy and high! You only think you fear this Xanax but here take this Xanax and you'll be fine! When I found a post on Reddit by someone who seems to get it, the comments sure as hell didn't. It's like falling asleep but faster! You won't remember a thing!
Yeah that's exactly what I hate about it. I want to feel, I want to know, I want to remember. I genuinely cannot comprehend why it isn't a more common fear and it makes me even more afraid to see sedatives recommended for anxiety when Googling my absolute terror toward such drugs. Anyone feel even remotely similar? Like nevermind the needle, it's whatever anesthetic it might inject? Is it more common than I realize but I'm just wording it wrong?

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My husband and I have a 2.5 year old, 76lb Belgian Malinois. He's the sweetest pup ever, but he has a leash reactivity issue. He just gets so excited when he sees people or dogs that he gets upset that he can't say hi and feels frustrated/restricted by the leash, so he barks like crazy. He plays with dogs just fine off leash and even goes to a doggie daycare weekly. He's fine with people too and after the initial barking as they come up to meet him he loves to be pet and play with them. He's never bit a dog or person or showed aggression in the slightest. We adopted him at a year and a half. His previous owner kept him inside his whole life and only let him out to use the bathroom. He was never trained to walk and was never socialized. It's been a long road but after a year of having him I have trained him a lot and he's improved in many areas tremendously.
We started using a Gentle Leader at the recommendation of his daycare trainer and he doesn't pull on walks or go up on his hind legs when he sees dogs or people anymore. The Gentle Leader has been amazing and I'm able to walk him/control him when I wasn't before so I can take him out in public to more new places. His reactivity has been greatly improving and he can mostly just ignore people when on leash now, but he still has his moments.
Today my husband, me and our dog were walking and he saw 3 people in 3 seperate instances. No barking. We then happened upon a very loud screeching child playing ball and he started kind of crying and hackling. He also slowed his walking speed way down which signals to me he's hesitant/about to bark. I turned him around to walk in the opposite direction and my husband started telling me that I "can't avoid situations forever and I need to walk him by the kid". I know my dog and I knew he was reaching overstimulation, so I ignored my husband and started to walk in the other direction where we happened upon a dog.
My pup started to bark at the dog even though the dog and owner were walking away. I knew what to do and turned him away for a minute then back around on the path away from the child. My husband so helpfully pointed out how if I "listened to him he wouldn't have reacted to the dog." I rolled my eyes and continued to walk.
Well here comes another lady and a dog so I went to turn away again and my husband got angry with me and told me we aren't turning back the other way when the woman and her dog leave. We are walking past the kid and now their mother who, seeing us coming, crossed the road (so now there's her on one side and the kid on the other) and started staring the 3 of us down.
I don't know why I listened. I knew my dog was already over threshold with the reaction to the dog but to keep the peace I followed. What ensued was the mother and her kid looking absolutely horrified as my dog was barking so loudly at them, completely hackled and staring them down. He was mainly barking and staring at the mother. Since he was turning his head to stare at them his paws/legs started veering into mine causing me to nearly trip. I got frustrated and gave him a gentle pop on the leash to make him look straight ahead again.
My husband had actually started to walk away towards the child thinking that was the better path but I plowed straight ahead to get the hell out of the situation.
I could feel the woman's eyes on me the whole time. She looked horrified and maybe angry. I'm so embarrassed and just want to cry. I feel so bad that my dog probably scared that kid and the mom. He's not dangerous but he looks really scary when he's barking and foam is flying out of his mouth and he has what looks like a muzzle around his face. I also know the stigma around breeds like his. I know how it looks and I'm embarrassed and frustrated and sad. I wish people knew that he's not a scary or dangerous dog. He's just curious and overly excited and was never trained as a puppy on how to behave. I just wish they knew him and his story. The judgement can hurt and feel so harsh. I understand it though. If I saw a dog acting like mine I would probably be afraid as well.
My husband yelled at me after the incident for "not holding the dog close enough" even though I had the leash around my waist and wrapped up in my hand. The dog had maybe a foot of leash. Typically my husband holds his leash right at the collar, however he holds him like that for the whole half hour to an hour walk whether there is a trigger or not, which I disagree with. I think if there are no triggers and we aren't on a main road it's okay for our dog to have a least enough leash to sniff around and enjoy the walk. Looking back, I should have held him at the collar as we went past them but I was so overwhelmed with my husband being a jerk and the dog reacting to the other dog I just panicked and plowed straight ahead to get away.
I handed my husband the dogs leash after so I could collect myself and he walked him home instead. We passed by two more dogs and he just kept walking by. One dog our pup didn't bark at but the other is our neighbor and he wanted to say hello so he started trying to run and bark in that direction and my husband basically stopped our dog in the road and pulled up on the gentle leader forcing his mouth shut. He told me that's how you can stop the barking in the moment. I don't know if that's the intended purpose of the GL though and it also just seems mean. My neighbor saw him do it and I was really embarrassed of that too. My husband thinks that the reactivity is not fear based but instead excitement, so the dog needs to be punished, but i completely disagree. Even if it is excited reactions our dog needs to be guided, not punished. Everytime we walk our dog and I'm the one walking him my husband is in my ear telling me I'm doing everything wrong and giving my dog too much leash even though he has maybe 2 feet at any given time unless I allow him a "sniff break" in a safe spot where he gets the full 6 feet.
Needless to say this walk ended in an argument. As a side note, our vet prescribed our dog some low dose anxiety meds and I think we're going to give them a shot. Hopefully they help as well, but the vet also thinks the reactions are excitement, not anxiety, because he isn't displaying any fearful behavior and he's able to calm down with time even if he's still in the situation.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I hope you and your pups are all having a good day today.

irst of all, I know I sound like and am probably being an AH.
I have deep sensory issues which I’ve been in denial about pretty much my whole life but one particular thing I struggle with is smells. I have always been like this. If I smell something bad, I will literally stay up all night finding and thoroughly disinfecting the source of the smell. I go overboard. I hyperfixate on things that seem “dirty” and it’s a huge detriment as it’s impossible to keep everything clean all the time. My grandparents are staying with me and my grandma is so so clean like overboard as well so I never have to worry about her but my grandpa, on the other hand, is another story. Not only does he have that signature old person smell which I can very much deal with but his oral and overall hygiene are severely lacking. He smells like urine and poop, his breath smells like death (typical older person smell x10) and he doesn’t shower or change his clothes daily. We are Hispanic and he is a very prideful man who would react very poorly to even very kind and well meaning comments/suggestions. I have 3 small kids and even when my home inevitably gets messy I do a lot to try to keep it as sanitary and hygienic as possible. No shoes, floors clean, etc. I noticed that he has some suspicious looking stains on his pants and the same type of stains are showing up on my couch. He is has been wearing these pants for over a week and I can’t help but hyper focus on everything he’s sitting on. My throw pillows. My kids mattresses and pillows. And blankets. And stuffed animals that he sleeps on. I feel like such a jerk but my kids are little and put their face and mouth on all of the above and it’s horrifying. Whenever he is within 5 feet of me I can smell him. And the other part of this is that he is deeply unhappy with everything and is bitter. He goes out of his way to act bored, annoyed, and restless. He starts making backhanded comments and complains. I try to keep him entertained and there are walking trails around here but he is like a child and wants to have his hand held for everything and makes obvious bids for attention by sighing loudly rubbing his face etc general tantrum type stuff which I ignore because you’re a grown ass man and I am already stretched thin with my own damn kids. Love him to death but just needed to get this off my chest.

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the translation logs of Princess Amara Auralyn.
No problem!
Luna VI query: Narrate Amara's plan to flee from the war.
***
The moment Amara's nose caught the scent of that little puff of smoke ascending from Nathan's damaged equipment, she suspected something terrible had happened. Her lack of understanding of the nature of this particular piece of human tech was unimportant. Just from knowing the fact that this was one of the few items Nathan had rushingly retrieved was more than enough for her to infer its importance.
His extremely negative reaction to its destruction also hadn't escaped her notice.
Amid the ragged bursts of breath and droplets of sweat running down his face, he stared at the smoking piece of equipment on the ground as he cursed. Then he stood up in a huff, pulling his hair as if trying to remove it from his scalp.
With the object source of their distress in between herself and Nathan, she asked a question that she already knew the answer to. "Was that the device you would use to request help?"
Nathan was breathing too fast to speak properly. "What else could. It be."
His confirmation was the last straw for her to close her eyes, allowing all the emotions she'd been suppressing to be manifested, like a multi-colored river flowing among her black spots.
When she opened her eyes again, she and Nathan were already locking gazes, him bending his head forward as he used his knees to support his upper body, while she stood upright with her head at the same vertical level as his.
Amara felt a shared sense of anger at the situation between them, but she was also afraid that Nathan’s anger was more targeted at her than at the situation.
It took some courage for her to speak first.
"Do you have other means for contacting your people?" She knew it was unlikely he had that, but it was still a question worth asking.
"The radio transmitter was being jammed. I didn't think of bringing it with me." He was recovering his breath fast. "What about you? There is that earpiece, and yesterday you had that AR visor on all day."
"The communicator in my ear is short-ranged. As for the AR visor..." She struggled to tell the truth, but she still did it. "I hid it inside a hole in a tree and forgot it."
"A hole? In a tree? Are you kidding me?"
The truth was that Amara hid it before entering Nathan's tent on the previous night. She had certain expectations and didn't want to be interrupted by the notifications.
But of course, she would never admit that.
"See any pockets?" She extended both hands and put her tail beside them, showing she had nowhere to store the items.
"Oh… sorry. Sometimes I forget our differences."
Nathan believed her so easily that she felt a little bad for him, but not bad enough to waste their precious time with unnecessary talking. "Even should I go alone, I fear I cannot retrieve our devices. I would just get killed or captured for nothing. We cannot stay here either because soon they will follow your trail; we need a plan."
She was certain the only reason the enemies hadn't followed them yet was because they had underestimated Nathan's ability to run.
"I wouldn't let you go back there even if you wanted to, Amara. But at least you are thinking now." He touched his chin, his eyes wandering around. "And yeah, we need a plan."
Unknowingly to Nathan, his words had caused Amara to drift away. And it was not because of him saying he wouldn't allow her to return, but because of his mention of the fact that she wasn't thinking before.
And this had affected her deeply because she utterly agreed with him.
By noticing how differently Ryo and Elysira had handled the same situation before they had fleed, Amara had reflected about how poorly she had reacted to the war. She was guilty of thinking about this more than just a little while Nathan was putting in all the effort to take her away from danger.
She traced back her mistake to a single moment—when Nathan had told her his list of reasons why they couldn't be together. This was when she had allowed her heart to be poisoned with rejection, which by morning had spiraled out of control by the dreadful reportings she had received, and finally, it had culminated in her emotional response to the crisis.
Which curiously Nathan had later fixed by his total commitment to staying together.
Amara found all of that pathetic.
This time she set her priorities straight as she suppressed her detrimental feelings in favor of reason. "We could trek parallel to the mountain and find a cave to hide until the elders send help."
"How long would that take?" He asked.
His questions triggered a long chain of assumptions in her mind. She first considered the political situation after the disruptive assassinations in the capital, and then the logistics of the deployment of reinforcements.
But Amara discarded the whole plan when she tried to envision how long it would take for her allies to find them in the darkness of the forest, realizing how flawed her suggestion was.
Displaying red, she said, "Help will be here today, yet the war on the ground will turn into a slow spot-and-kill conflict. My thoughts must still be clouded. To hide in the mountains is a death sentence; the rebels would have a better idea where to search for us than my allies would."
Nathan touched his face and shook his head at her admission. Without fully understanding what he was doing, she watched him approach a young tree and stare at its bark as his right arm tensed.
Before she could ask a single question, he punched the rough bark, dislodging some wood from the brittle surface and making it fall.
He said, "I'm such an idiot. Now our only option is to keep running and I didn't even bring the water."
She was taken aback by his reaction.
It was true among her species that the males could be more aggressive under stressful situations. But to go as far as hunting themselves against a tree? This was something she hadn't seen before nor she could understand.
What would she do now?
Of all her priorities, communicating with him was very high on her list. This went much beyond certain feelings she had, being directly linked to their survival. Remembering how Ryo and Elysira had handled the same situation before they had fled, she couldn't help but feel like she and Nathan were still failing at this.
Following more instinct than reason, Amara decided to approach him as the red on her skin gradually gave way to purple at every step she took.
When he was within tails reach of her, she spoke.
"I cannot read your thoughts much less can I see your feelings, but I presume that similar to me you can also sense that we failed today, am I wrong?" Nathan pursed his lips and didn't reply, leaving her at a loss for a moment. Yet she didn't give up and wrapped her tail around his wrist, raising his scraped knuckles for him to see. "Why have you done this?"
"I..." He averted his eyes from the wound, relaxing his arm. "This ain't me I swear Amara. It's just-"
"The drones are coming." She was forced to shut him up with her tail to confirm what she heard in the background while he was speaking. After adjusting the angle of her ears she added, "At least three."
Seeing Nathan's face contort from one weird expression after the other, she could only feel regret and anger that she was forced to interrupt him. But as long as they were alive they could always talk more later.
"Great!" He took a deep breath and lowered his back for her to climb. "Let's see how far I can go without water."
"No." She could hear the drones advancing slowly, likely searching for places where they might have hidden, underestimating how far Nathan had taken her. "I do not doubt you can run more, but there is no point in running unless we can lose them. Can you do what Ryo did and destroy them?"
He didn't look at her as he replied, "I could try, but I don't have whatever aim improving add-on the military gave him, much less the years of training."
"Can I borrow your loud gun then?" Amara had a seed of a plan in her mind, a risky and reckless plan but still better than doing nothing or engaging in more random running.
"What? Do you have any idea how hard is to shoot those things down?" Nathan took her request so badly that he lifted his body again to explain more. "Your species may have precise movements and all, but this revolver needs more than just aiming, there's the recoil, reloading, and I bet it hurt your ears; besides I doubt you can do better than me without having taken a single shot with one of our guns your whole life."
Nathan was not wrong.
No matter how hard it felt to admit it to herself, the truth was that she was not a frontline fighter. She could bring order. She could weed out traitors. She could give directions. But taking a gun and firing at the enemies? Even a gun crafted by her species was something she lacked experience using.
Still, the way that he expressed his doubt without even hearing what she had in mind made her quite angry. It was nothing close to the feeling of rejection from the night, but it was still enough to encourage her to double down on her idea.
"I do not intend to shoot the drones from far away like you humans do." Amara pointed at the canopy of the young tree beside them and waited for him to look up before she added, "I want to ambush them from a close distance."
His eyes widened, but Nathan still wasn't convinced. "That's dangerous Amara. What if you miss it? You'll just let them know where we are for nothing. And even if you don't miss the shots can’t they just send more drones?"
"You speak reason, but my goal extends beyond destroying them. I know how brother and my species think and I want to mislead them." Amara did her best to let him know her intention. "You will have to be my bait too, and we will need to run as fast as we can towards the valleys once I destroy them. I would explain everything if there was time, but right now you will have to trust me."
"You want to go to the valleys..." He spoke in a low voice as he scratched his head.
Seeing that he didn't straight up reject her idea this time, Amara went on for the last push, showing a forced hint of yellow to try and sound confident. "No sane individual would go to the valleys without equipment and a large group, my brother and his army will never consider searching for us in there."
She regretted her wording as soon as she was done speaking, afraid she might have scared Nathan who was taking his time to reply.
But before she could say anything more, Nathan started loading his gun and when he was done he used his thumb to lower a little lever. "You have to pull this thing down each time before pulling the trigger, but I guess you saw me doing it enough times already." He then undid his action before offering the gun to her as he held it by the muzzle. "Don't forget to hold it with all your might or the recoil will hurt you."
She considered saying some words to let him know how much his trust meant to her, but the drones were approaching and there were more important things to say. Her tail simply coiled around the gun, and she took it as the weight of the task ahead caused the object to feel heavier than it was.
She considered if she should ask for more ammunition, but concluded she wouldn't have time to reload, which she knew was bad despite making things significantly easier.
"Go there and make it convincing that you are absolutely exhausted, can you?" Using her tail, Amara pointed at a bright spot on the ground, where a beam of blue light was making its way from the canopies to the ground. "This is important Nathan. The operators must believe you reached your limit, they must report to my brother that you cannot run much longer."
"This won't be too hard." His lips curled into a hint of a smile. "But are you sure they don't use AI instead of operators to guide the drones?"
"Only you humans are crazy enough to disregard the only law the alliance enforces." She started climbing the tree with each of her clawed hands poking holes into the bark from a different side, but when she was already above Nathan, she looked below. "I am counting on you. We made too many mistakes today, one more and it might not be forgiven."
"I'll do what you asked, okay? Just hit the drones and don't fall from the tree." He said before running towards the spot she had instructed him.
With each of them agreeing on their role, Amara kept climbing the tree, finding little difficulty in her initial task. This was so easy that almost all of her attention was focused on tracking the spinning blades of the drones, which were constantly approaching at a speed that suggested they were doing a minute inspection of the ground.
It was only when she was already high above that she noticed the first problem.
If she wanted the advantage of shooting the drones from the same plane they were approaching, Amara would either have to give up a hand for the aim, or she would have to compromise her camouflage by wrapping her legs around the tree to help her tail to hold her body.
Neither of the options was ideal, but doing nothing was even worse, which led her to choose to sacrifice some of her ability to aim in favor of a tighter grip, ensuring that her legs kept hidden behind the trunk as she pressed each of her clawed fingers of her left hand against the rough bark for a secure hold.
Feeling a burning anxiety like she never felt before, she transferred the gun from her tail to her right hand and surrounded the tree with her now free tail to improve her grip even more.
She then turned her head and took a final glance at Nathan and confirmed he was stooping down and breathing loudly, exactly on the spot she had asked him to go.
Now everything was ready.
Amara hid the gun in between her belly and the tree as her whole body mimicked the brownish color of the bark, even her tail and hair transitioning from their typical blue to a copy of the textured color surrounding her.
Her eyes closed and only a mental representation of her surroundings remained, being especially accurate this time as if her her body knew there was no room for mistakes.
As the seconds passed, her heart rate slowed down and her awareness peaked. Of all her body, only her long ears slightly moved as the positions of the three drones became less foggy in her mind the closer they got to her.
The fact that one of them suddenly stopped moving right in front of the tree was something she expected, that being the exact moment its sensors had found Nathan on the ground.
Instead of attacking, Amara waited.
And almost envisioning the exact conversation the operators were having behind their visors, she gauged the time they took to communicate among themselves by observing how long the other two drones had taken to start moving closer to the one that had spotted Nathan first.
This wasn't a lot of time, which put into perspective how fast she would have to act in order to prevent the other two drones from repositioning after the first one was destroyed.
Her heart was beating slowly and her mind was focused; the chances of the targets getting closer were no different than that of them getting more distant.
Somewhere inside she could feel it—now was the perfect moment for her attack.
Amara's eyes snapped open and her heart rate multiplied by nearly threefold, preparing her for intense exertion. The muscles of her left arm propelled her body sideways, taking her head away from the protection of the tree trunk. That happened at the same time that her clawed finger pulled down the little lever, just like Nathan had taught her.
Her eyes locked first on the most distant target, which was not further away from her than twelve meters, and her right arm moved accordingly, raising the gun as her clawed finger slipped into the trigger.
She knew how painful to her ears the noise would be, yet she still forced her eyes to stay open as she pulled the trigger.
Except, she flinched at the last moment and ended up missing the target because of it.
Now her ears were ringing and the number of targets was the same, fueling her fury for the next shots she fired in a quick sequence.
It took three more attempts to destroy the furthest target, turning her fury into apprehension.
And apprehension quickly transitioned into despair when, after destroying the middle target with two shots, she pulled the trigger aiming at the closed drone, only to hear an empty click.
The drone rotated towards her and she also felt Nathan's gaze in the distance, screaming something that she was too numb to understand.
Would she be the reason for their demise?
Just the thought of how happy her brother would be for seeing her so helpless was more than enough of a reason for her to not accept that.
So at the lack of bullets, she spitefully threw the gun at the spinning blades.
And when the outcome of her desperate action did little more than cause the drone to lose control for a few moments, she still refused to give up and pounced on it as if she were a trained huntress.
If Bhaela could jump from a tree and dig her claws into the veins of an Oczoil from high above and survive to tell the tale, why couldn't she do the same with a little drone?
Her confidence only lasted until no part of her body was touching the tree and her limbs contacted the blades, causing a sharp pain, which she promptly forgot as flesh and machine plummeted together.
Amara tried to use her tail and arms to cushion the fall, but unlike Bhaela graceful performance, all she achieved was her belly smashing the drone against the ground before her arms and head split the kinetic energy from the fall.
Her vision went black after that, but Amara knew she wasn't dead because that annoying ringing sound in her ears persisted, reminding her of her failure.
Time became confused in her state of disorientation, and she had no idea how long had passed when she felt her eyes being opened. As she watched the world around her through a red filter, Amara got to see Nathan's mouth moving, but she was unable to grasp a single word he said.
In a rushed manner, he took off his jacket and pulled out a knife, which he then used to slice a piece of fabric.
He said something again, and she felt his hand pressing against her forehead, the severed portion of his jacket he held being large enough to cover even her eyes below.
Amara felt like sleeping this time, the darkness feeling more welcoming than scary.
But before she could fall asleep, she noticed her body being lifted from the ground. And unlike the last time, she was being held from below as Nathan's hand kept her head locked against his body.
The last memory she retained before her consciousness faded was of hearing the rhythmic sound of his breathing and his loud steps below, feeling as if she might have wrapped her tail around his arm. Yet, she remained unsure whether she had truly done so or if it was just a product of her imagination.
***
This was an account based on Amara's plan to flee from the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
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hey everyone im posting here cuz honestly i havent had that many friends over the years so i end up talking to the same people for a while (which isn't a bad thing) but i wanted to switch it up a bit by meeting new peeps to hang and chill with ^^
as for me im pretty introverted at first but will open up when i understand your humor and get to know you better, my humor is kinda dark sometimes but can get lighthearted so hope u don't mind some of my shitty jokes
as for my interests i mostly play games( league, ow , lethal) and pretty much anything u played before, also for the region i play in euw in most games but can play in na if needed
i also workout on most my freetime, been going to the gym for about 3 years now and also dabble in volleyball every so often and im looking to get into swimming more in the future
my music taste is pretty depressing atm but i listen to many genres, here's some of my fav's of all time (arctic monkeys,muse, gorillaz,soad,metallica,frank sinatra,cake,nirvana,radiohead,the strokes,eminem,tylerthecreator,freddie dredd,mike dimes,cigarettes after sex) and alot of video game osts
so basically im looking for someone to vc with whenever im free mby play a couple games or i can just play a game of your choice and stream it for you and have deep talks every now and then
if u think we could vibe hit me up on reddit chat so i can send u my discord ^^ and thank u for reading my poorly written intro ( im not really good at this fyi)
cheers

She Constantly gets to act like an actual child at all times and it's just "that's just Shanice" Meanwhile the rest of this group pretty much has to walk on eggshells around eachother.
I consider myself to be a generally empathetic and diplomatic person. I never intend to hurt anyone's feelings and I haven't really found myself in situations where I had put my foot in my mouth bad and caused problems ..but my goodness I would be SO nervous about what to say and how to act around this group bc the things that really harp on and won't let go of can be really surprising sometimes. It really doesn't seem like a group of friends at all... they really have to watch thier words and actions ...but Shanice just acts any old way says whatever she wants, prances around naked, cries the second anyone says anything about her ..and gets away with it!!
We've seen the screenshot from her ex... that wasn't normal behavior. If I guy I was interested in saw those and then wasn't interested in me anymore bc of it I'd have to own it.
But Alex is the bad guy for airing on the side of caution and not wanting to proceed any further with her...and Jasmine is the bad guy for bringing it up at dinner bc it was a topic being rumbled around the house and actually needed to be spoken about.
The way she carried on about the worst dressed comment too...my goodness!! I'm sure I wouldn't love being named worst dressed but she HAS chosen dome odd outfits. I noticed a few very odd cut tops or pants in season 1... Those (to me) ugly clothes could've cost $1000 for all I knew ...its not about the designer or the cost ...its just about how it looks... So for her to turn into "I don't have money and can't afford clothes and that was so mean" was just babyish.
Idk she is just really immature and I just don't see how she manages to skate by in that particular group who are quick to call people out SO often

I went to the dentist a couple of months ago and had a couple of fillings made due to not taking enough care of my teeth during a rough period of my life. Theres a thing that's been nagging me a lot though - and thats my gums above 3 particular teeth in my right upper mouth. These teeth are coincidentally also the ones that have experienced gum recession (one is pretty bad). I've been experiencing a throbbing pain in the gums above these teeth that made me book yet another dental visit. When I was done the dental hygienist told me that my gums looked perfectly fine since the last visit and that I had nothing to worry about. She told me that the gum recession and throbbing pain is most likely due to my usage of nicotine pouches. The thing is though, that I've always put the nicotine pouch in the opposite side of the mouth so it'd surprise me if thats the problem.
But now, a while later, the throbbing pain is still there and it seems as if the gum recession is getting worse and worse. I've almost completely cut out my usage of nicotine pouches (i only use 2 a day). I use a soft tooth brush in that area and I am being really careful. There's very rarely any bleeding at all from my gums. I don't drink any acidic stuff anymore and I remember to floss. This problem has made me obsessed with checking my gums every day to see if they've receded further, and every time I feel like I see a slight difference I start panicking.
Is it normal to experience constant throbbing pain in the gums in an area where the gums have receded? Can the use of nicotine pouches in the opposite side of the mouth really be the problem? Should I book a third visit at the dentist in hopes of getting another answer? This issue is constantly on my mind, but I am afraid that I'll just be sent home once again without any answers..

Exfiltration

[A/N: This chapter beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]
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Mik
“Papa Juliet calling Mike Whiskey. I’m in. Guy says she’s in room one-zero-three-eight, do you copy?”
“I copy one zero three eight,” Mik replied quietly. She looked up at the room numbers and noted that she was at least on the correct floor. “Going there now, over.”
It was a good thing that even evil corporate secret facilities had their safety procedures. As she jogged along the corridor in what she thought was the right direction, she spotted an evacuation map of the facility, complete with room numbers. Studying the plan for a moment, she traced out a path, memorised it, then took off running.
Although people fresh from Earth often complained how hard it was to maintain a good running speed on Mars due to lack of traction, Mik had no such problems indoors. The floors weren’t the best for cornering on, but she saw no issue in running halfway up the wall to kick off in the direction she wanted to go. Her enhanced vestibular systems aided considerably in keeping her balance, no matter where her feet were placed at the time.
Now that she knew where she was going, she reached the corridor that she needed in less than a minute. But then she encountered something that wasn’t a barrier as such, but certainly caused her to think twice about what was going on.
At first glance, there was little to worry about. What she’d found was an airlock of a make and model ubiquitous to half the buildings on Mars. Given that the outside atmosphere of Mars could only be survived by one person currently on the surface of the planet, the presence of an airlock would normally have been easy to explain away as an essential safety precaution.
What gave Mik pause was the fact that the airlock was inside the building, and in fact was between her and the person she was here to rescue. This made her ask herself a very specific question:
Which side of this airlock is expected to be depressurised, and why?
There was only one logical answer, and it did nothing for her peace of mind. If she was reading the signs correctly, the person behind Dani’s abduction and subsequent imprisonment was willing to set up a lethal situation for their captive, as a last-ditch screw-you to Mik. They probably wouldn’t kill her immediately, but if Mik tried to get her out, it would go from zero to fatal in very little time indeed. And in fact, if the airlock was code-locked on the other side, it would also serve to lock Mik into the area, allowing Cyberon to simply walk in and scoop her up at their leisure.
If I keep going, I’ll be trapped and she dies no matter what. Cyberon security’s probably on the way, so Pete might not be able to get us both out in time. If we pull back, they might decide she’s no use as bait, and kill her anyway. Bad end, do not want.
Okay, so I’ve seen the trap. How do I turn it around?
*****
Dani
The cell was cold, the floor hard to sleep on, and the ration bars they’d been feeding her tasted like salted sawdust, but that wasn’t the worst part. Dani had been uncomfortable before; some of the places her father had worked had lacked many civilised creature comforts. But she’d had friendly company and she’d been able to keep track of what was going on in the larger world.
Here, she had neither.
She wasn’t sure if it was deliberate torture or just a total lack of caring about her wellbeing, but the lighting outside the Perspex panel that fronted her cell never varied. Neither dim nor overbright, it was just constant. They’d taken her watch at the same time as they’d sequestered the rest of her belongings and shoved her into an anonymous coverall, so she had no way of keeping track of time, except by way of her biological rhythms and the delivery of the food rations (which in itself was worryingly irregular, like they kept forgetting that she needed to eat).
Even the Suit, as she called him (she didn’t have a name for him, but she had a huge number of highly unflattering descriptors for him) hadn’t shown up in some time. At first, she’d been able to mark off the days in her mind by his visits, either gloating over how Mik was going to walk straight into his trap or attempting to interrogate her about Mik’s habits and potential actions. She’d done her best to give him no joy either way, which in hindsight was possibly a mistake, as he didn’t visit at all these days.
All she got was a guy walking past the cell every few hours and glancing in to make sure she hadn’t miraculously dismantled the lock and spirited herself out of the building. They didn’t talk to her, even when she called out and tried to open lines of communication. She knew they could hear her, but their faces just closed off and they walked on.
It had been days, maybe weeks, she was sure of that much. A month, even two? She couldn’t be sure. A couple of times she dreamed she’d been rescued, that the wall of the cell had just opened up and she’d walked out; the emotional crashes, when she woke and discovered the reality of the situation, had been devastating. Pretty soon, she figured, she’d be hallucinating even when she was awake, and it just wouldn’t matter anymore.
So, when she saw Mik herself step into view in front of the cell, wearing her usual t-shirt and jeans and heavy boots, along with a badass-looking long-coat, she didn’t even react at first. Either it was someone else and her eyes were playing tricks on her, or she was asleep and dreaming the whole thing, or her mind had finally cracked. Didn’t matter; Mik wasn’t there.
She waited for the apparition of her friend to morph into one of the guards or to evaporate altogether, or maybe rip the door off its runners, but none of that happened. Instead, Mik examined the lock and frowned. Then she pulled out a notebook and pencil—pens had a really hard time working in vacuum, so Mik always went old-school when it came to passing notes—and scribbled something.
Dani had never been able to read a damn thing in a dream. The words and letters always came jumbled up, probably because reading was a logical thing and dreams were by their nature illogical. So, she was fully prepared for whatever the note showed to be pure gibberish.
Instead, to her surprise, it was totally readable. NO AIR OUT HERE. NEED U TO PREP FOR DECOMPRESS, CLOSE EYES. WILL OPEN DOOR, GET U OUT. DO U TRUST ME?
She read it through several times, trying to make sense of it. Mik was still standing there, waiting, though she’d glanced from side to side a couple of times. The writing on the notepad was holding steady, not changing to something else.
Is this real? Is this actually happening?
Tears sprang to her eyes as she first began to allow herself to consider the concept. She tried to keep herself under control; every other time she’d believed she was getting out, her expectations had been cruelly dashed. But she could read the note. She could read the note.
Climbing painfully to her feet—there was little chance for exercise in the cell, and the nutrient bars didn’t leave her with much in the way of excess energy—she went over to the Perspex panel that served as a door. “Are you real?” she asked, putting her hand on the panel. “Are you really there?”
Mik nodded, then flipped a page and scribbled some more. IM REAL. IM GETTING U OUT OF THERE. DO U TRUST ME? Then she tore the page from the pad and dropped it.
Instead of fluttering lazily to the ground—under Martian gravity, it always took even longer than it did on Earth—it fell straight down, at the standard three point seven one metres per second per second.
Okay, that’s not something a hallucination would bring up. There’s only Martian air pressure out there. She’d had dreams of walking unprotected on the surface of Mars. The human brain couldn’t create the consequences of low air pressure out of whole cloth. That was a leap of logic that it couldn’t make.
Dani took a deep breath and nodded. “I trust you,” she said, aware that Mik was practised at reading lips. “I just don’t know how long I can go without air.” Attempting to hold one’s breath in vacuum or near-vacuum, she knew, was a recipe for ruptured lungs. “Should I hyperventilate?”
Instead of writing more notes, Mik made the hand gesture for ‘no time’, then pointed at her first note. Dani nodded, then stepped back. Closing her eyes, she opened her mouth, working her jaw to allow her ear canals to connect to her sinus cavities.
She heard it when the door began to open, the thin high screech of escaping air, deepening to a rumble as the air pressure dropped. Her ears popped, then popped again as she kept working her jaw. Air flowed out of her lungs, then an involuntary belch joined it.
Her skin prickled and her eyes were uncomfortable behind her tightly closed eyelids, but she didn’t dare open them. Micro-pressure did nasty things to exposed eyeballs; they didn’t pop (that was something even the stupidest of space dramas didn’t do anymore), but the sheen of tears on the exterior surface had been known to freeze or evaporate, neither of which was good for the eye.
Pressure was building unpleasantly in her gut, and she did her best to relax her sphincters. Another burp was followed by a small frrrt, and she silently blessed the fact that the nutrient bars were designed for vacuum workers, who didn’t want to share their EVA suits with abdominal gases.
And then a mouthpiece was pressed over her face, and air flowed into her lungs. Reaching up, she grabbed the pony bottle, amazed that she’d actually forgotten how Mik carried it everywhere. Once she had it, Mik let go and grabbed her arm, urging her forward.
Under the guidance of her friend, she stumbled out of the cell then turned left. They moved as fast as she was able, though she had to keep her eyes closed. How Mik had even gotten there, and what the plan was to get her out, she wasn’t sure, but she trusted Mik implicitly.
They went down the length of one corridor and then another one, much farther than she would’ve been able to go with her eyes closed and no air. Alone, she would’ve stumbled aimlessly until she died. Then they entered what she figured was an airlock, the supposition borne out when a door closed behind them and the air pressure started rising again.
When she felt it was safe, she opened her eyes and handed the pony bottle back to Mik. “Th-thanks,” she rasped, her voice rusty from disuse. “You came back. I didn’t know if you would.”
“It’s been a month, let me tell you,” Mik said lightly. “I had to get reinforcements, but here I am.”
Something clanked at floor level, and Dani looked down to see that Mik had just knocked over a bucket. “Okay,” she asked. “What’s a bucket doing in an airlock?”
“Holding the inner door open so nobody can remotely shut it behind me,” Mik explained. The other airlock door opened, and she stepped out. “C’mon, we’ve got places to be.”
Dani followed along. Her joints still felt creaky and stiff, but she was damned if she was going to slow Mik down now. “Where’d you go for reinforcements? Tharsis? Wouldn’t they just send stern memos to Cyberon or something?”
“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t go to them.” As Mik and Dani turned a corner, Dani saw two of the guards on the ground, along with a third one in an EVA suit, and a fourth person in an EVA suit standing over them with a metal bar in his hand. “Hey, we’re ready to suit up and go.”
The standing man flipped up his faceplate. “Good. The suit’s just outside. I’ll keep watching these clowns while you go get it.”
“On it.” Mik tipped Dani a wink, then ducked out through the airlock. A moment later, she was back, bringing a suit in Dani’s size.
“I was wondering how you were going to get me out of here.” Dani didn’t waste time, starting to haul on the suit even as she addressed Mik. She didn’t know the guy, but if Mik trusted him, she was willing to as well.
“It was either this or terraform the whole planet so you could just walk out normally, and terraforming was taking too long.” Mik eyed the guards unfavourably. “How badly were these assholes treating you?”
“They didn’t hit me or anything,” Dani said. “Just fed me and watched me. It was their boss who said all the nasty stuff about how you were gonna fall in his trap.”
“Mm.” Mik looked like she didn’t want to drop the matter, but the guy put his hand on her shoulder and she subsided. “Okay, then. Ready to go?”
“Nearly.” Dani locked her helmet in place, then triggered the oxygen flow. The telltales showed up green, so she nodded and gave the thumb-to-forefinger all-good gesture.
The guy with Mik flipped down his faceplate, and all three of them stepped into the airlock. It was a tight squeeze but Mik was skinny, and Dani didn’t take up much room even in a suit. “We’re going to have to move fast,” the guy said over her radio. “I have a feeling Cyberon security is incoming with everything they’ve got.”
“Yeah, no crap.” That was definitely Mik. “Just by the way: Pete, meet Dani; Dani, meet Pete.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Pete added. “Lieutenant Pete Janssen, Orbital Rescue, at your service.”
Even while Dani was trying to figure out what an Orbital Rescue pilot was doing on the surface of Mars, the airlock opened and they hustled out. The surrounding terrain was the very opposite of flat, and Dani had no idea which way to go. And then Mik’s eyes opened wide and she turned her head, looking up into the sky.
“Lander,” she said. “I can hear it coming in.”
Dani had very little experience with matters like this, but she had an idea what was coming next anyway. “They’ll be bringing in ground troops, won’t they? Looking for us?”
“Got it in one.” Mik started off into the rocks. “We have to get to the ’hopper before they catch up with us.”
“Copy that, princess.” Pete hooked one arm under Dani’s. “Let’s get moving.”
Dani had thought the nightmare was over but as she discovered, it was just beginning. Even with Pete and Mik helping her up and over the obstacles in their way, she quickly ran out of energy. Fear-generated adrenaline was well and good, but it had its limits, and her arms and legs were soon powerless noodles.
“Leave me,” she begged. “They’ll catch you, and this’ll all be for nothing.”
“And if we leave you, it’ll also be for nothing,” Mik told her grimly. “I had to do it once. It’s not happening a second time.”
“Take her,” Pete said. “I’ll go and draw them off. Even if they catch me—”
Mik cut him off. “If they can’t use you to get us back, they’ll kill you. You take her, you’re stronger than me. If they’ve got guns, which I’m pretty sure they do, they’re less likely to shoot at me than you. I’ll meet you at the ’hopper.”
Not giving Pete the option to argue, she let go Dani’s arm and vanished into the chaotic terrain.
“Wait—” began Pete, then swore. “Dammit! Okay fine, she’s not giving us a choice. Let’s get you to the ’hopper.”
As they moved off, Dani had to ask the question. “Why did you call her princess, earlier?”
“Well, she’d just told us her story, and I made a joke …”
*****
Mik
The security troopers were good at moving in EVA suits, and they definitely had guns. There were also a lot of them, which was going to make this tricky as hell. Still, Mik had a few advantages on her side, some of which they hopefully didn’t know about.
She peered around a rocky outcrop at a bunch of them, who were conferring over some kind of digital map. If they wanted to use that thing to make any kind of straight path through this labyrinth of Martian terrain, they had to be dreaming. The trouble was, if they just pushed forward en masse, they could comb every last hiding place, no matter how tricky she was. Which was why she had to pull them away from the ‘logical thinking’ mindset and into the ‘chase me’ mindset.
Picking up a friable-looking rock, she stepped into view, then hurled her missile directly at the faceplate of one of the troopers facing her. It burst on impact, leaving a cloud of dust behind. Before they could bring their guns to bear, she ducked out of sight again, heading down a twisting, turning alleyway of rock. Her natural agility and balance made up for the uneven footing, allowing her to move much faster than the troopers behind her.
The call would be going out now, converging every security trooper in the area on that spot. This included any of them that might’ve been on course to discover the rille where she and Pete had hidden the rock-hopper. If they were chasing her, they weren’t going after anyone else.
She paused after a minute or so of movement, listening hard and with her hands on the rocks on either side. Sound didn’t travel well in this atmosphere, though her ears were attuned to pick up what little there was. Vibrations through the ground were sometimes more useful, and she fancied she could feel the security troops coming her way, just as much as she could hear the scuffing and stumbling among the chaotically tumbled boulders.
The next time she nailed someone in the faceplate with a rock, one of the troopers shot at her. It didn’t come close enough to worry her, though the whole experience of being shot at in general was a new and unpleasant one. She got her target, though, dusting the man plus his comrades with the ever-present fines. The fewer of her pursuers who could see properly, the better.
And then Pete’s voice crackled in her mastoid earpiece. “We’re at the ’hopper. Want a pickup?”
“No, don’t,” she replied, talking quietly into the mouthpiece even though she knew the troopers couldn’t hear her. “They’ll shoot you out of the sky. Hold tight, I’m coming to you.”
A dozen troopers looked around in surprise as she jumped out of concealment almost within arm’s reach. She was holding two large rocks that she’d selected carefully, each one with the consistency of chalk. Both left her hands even before her feet hit the ground; not aimed at the troopers, they instead hit the rocks on either side. A great cloud of fines billowed over all of the troopers, but she wasn’t waiting around for it to dissipate.
There was a nice straight pathway for her to retreat down, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she ducked into the first niche she found that was barely large enough to take her, and flipped up the hood of the long-coat so that it covered her head. Thus concealed, facing the rock and holding still, she hopefully looked like part of the landscape.
She both heard and felt the rush of booted feet behind her; yelling inside their helmets so loudly that she heard that too. Thirty seconds ticked by in her head, and there were no stragglers following along. Cautiously, she peered out from behind the coat. She was alone.
By now there would be enough troopers spread through the chaotic terrain for false sightings to be happening on the regular, and in fact she heard a few random shots here and there which bore out that idea. But that wasn’t her problem, so she slipped unseen through the dragnet until she came to the rille. Jumping from foothold to foothold, she descended to where Pete and Dani were just getting settled on the rock-hopper.
“Oh, good,” Pete said. “You’re here. I was starting to worry.”
“Can we go now?” asked Dani plaintively. “I just want to get out of here.”
“We can,” Mik confirmed, scrambling up onto the rock-hopper and strapping herself into the middle seat, which had been installed by the crusty McPherson. She flicked the wake-up switch on the flight control computer (also supplied by McPherson), then activated the controls and lit off the attitude rockets. Slowly, then with more power as she fed fuel to the main rocket, the rock-hopper climbed into the air.
“Straight back up to the ship?” asked Pete hopefully.
“Not quite,” Mik said. “They’ve almost certainly got ships up there that can shoot us down if they see us coming up out of their area of interest, so we’re going to have to stay low for the moment until we get out from under their umbrella. Our best chance for doing that is to leave their turf altogether.”
Angling the rock-hopper eastward, she applied more thrust, and they shot away across the tumbled landscape.
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[A/N: And we’re coming to a head. The next chapter or two should see the end of this run of the adventures of Mik Wallace, Martian Walker. That’s not to say it’ll be the end of the story, but it’ll be the end of the origin story.]

What is your morning sickness like? I'm heading into week 7, and so far mine feels a little like this: - mild hangover, gagging at anything that gives me the ick - moments of crazy salivation almost like a pre-puke - feeling hungry but not feeling like eating (this is SO annoying) - pretty regular yucky (not sure if metallic?) taste in the mouth
What are your experiences like? Curious about your experiences ✨🌱