Ipod.beastiality

Background: I live in an area where sexual education is very limited. I didn’t understand what sex, much less beastiality, was at this age.
I used to crawl on the floor a lot and sometimes the dog would jump up on my back. I thought this was funny and that the dog was playing. I didn’t understand why my parents told the dog to get off of me.
Later, maybe about a year, I am exposed to porn because some people in my 4th grade class were joking about it at recess and made fun of me for not knowing what it was. I looked it up when I got home on my mom’s iPod (how I got away with this, I have no clue) and watched my first video.
I didn’t really understand why the other kids thought it was so entertaining. A girl was making loud noises and her makeup looked ugly and an guy was sticking his “thing” in her and grunting. I didn’t really understand the appeal, but I felt left out of the joke. I wanted to know why it was so fun.
I realized shortly after this that when I got down on the floor and my dog jumped up on me, that meant it was trying to hump me. I realized that weird thing between its legs was it’s penis and then nine year old me had an epiphany: “I can see why porn is so fun if I get my dog to hump me!”
I literally want to punt my nine year old self off a cliff and stop them from ever coming to this conclusion.
In short, to avoid graphic detail, I waited until my family was outside busy with lawn chores before letting my dog hump me in the middle of the living room floor with my dumb gym shorts around my ankles awkwardly as the dog poked at my butt for about 10 minutes. Nothing ever went in, but I’m still ashamed that I ever got that close to actually having sex with an animal.
I went down a rabbit hole of looking up beastiality and zoophilia porn just to figure out if that event from my childhood meant that I was attracted to animals. I think my exposure in my early childhood desensitized me. It haunts me in my adult life, but I try not to think about it. Not a single soul knows except Reddit now, I guess.
TL;DR - I let my dog try to fuck me in the middle of the living room when I was nine because I wanted to know why people thought porn was so fun and interesting.