I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

So I (now 23f) was dating my ex boyfriend (now25m) in Oct 2018 till Sept 2020 roughly 2 years. Let’s call him Blake. I had moved to a new country for college, where I met him. We had one of those relationships where everything was great, we were quite compatible and happy together. We rarely fought. But, we broke up because we wanted different things in life and it made sense to breakup then than later which would’ve caused us both more hurt. However, he changed completely after our breakup and became very bitter. He became very rude towards me and cut all contact. I was hurt and upset over this but thought it was his coping mechanism. We all returned to college in Sept’20 when social distancing protocols were in place. But I found out he had started dating my ex best friend, let’s call her Sarah. (Important Context: She was a narcissistic self serving person who couldn’t see me being friends with anyone but her and tried controlling me which I couldn’t stand. So I distanced myself from her. None of our friends liked her and kept their distance from her. Blake hated Sarah especially and even mocked her in front of all our friends.) So when Blake and Sarah started dating, all of our friends reached out to me and asked me what’s happening? I told them all if you find out, let me know as well. So after we broke up, I still had some stuff at Blake’s place (we had to head back to our country during Covid lockdown in Mar-20) so I sent my best friend to pick my stuff up from his place. He made her wait outside for 30 mins- mind you she had already told him a week in advance that she’ll be coming to collect mystuff and also pinged him the morning of for the same. I didn’t let it bother me and tried to move on.
It was in September-21 when Sarah reached out to me on WhatsApp with a huge text as to how evil I am and how I should stop texting with Blake. I just asked her what she was on about? I hadn’t spoken to him in a year? And I just blocked her because I actually forgot she existed, I was just so calm and happy in my own life that I wasn’t even interested in these two. That was actually the day I had a date planned and I instantly blocked her before she could further piss me off.
Fast forward to January 2022, Blake’s bestfriend randomly pings me on Instagram and makes small talk that lasted upto 3/4 days (I take a lot of time to respond to msgs). Then he told him to talk to Blake. I was surprised and asked him wasn’t he dating Sarah? He said I think he’s not happy and that I should please talk to him. I found it very troubling because Blake’s bestfriend is a “no-nonsense” kinda person and wouldn’t have texted if it wasn’t an emergency. So I reached to Blake on WhatsApp after Sept-20 for the first time. He sounded low and said it’s wrong that he’s talking to me because he’s still with Sarah but only and truly loves me. He wanted to breakup with her but she won’t let him and all sorts of “I only love you. I’ve only ever truly been happy with you. I still look at our pictures” and he also described a lot of things that I did for him that he loved and how happy it made him and at one point he cried and I just muted the phone and chuckled because I didn’t remember any of it because I kinda forgot all about him. I took a whole year to process this breakup and work upon myself and my mental health. He was hurt that I don’t miss him. And he even said that this means I didn’t truly love him. He was the one who started dating someone else in the 1st place. So what does that say about him?
He has mostly recently sent me an email (3page long) from his work address confessing his love for me. I don’t even know what to say. (This was yesterday)
Would I be wrong to just ignore it?

https://www.reddit.com/TwoXIndia/s/liPwhI9XlA
After our fight, I made sure to ignore my husband and only reply when asked questions. He didn't apologize but kept his tone normal with me and after that incident, whenever he used to say anything that would hurt me, I would straight away go out of the room or put headphones or else I would reply back to him.
When I posted the above mentioned post, I had already conceived and I missed my periods so I decided to take a at home pregnancy test. It came out positive.
I informed my husband about my pregnancy test and he was shocked, at first. Then kept on questioning if the child is his because this is something we weren't planning. I told him several times(mind you, I was practically shouting at a point) and I am not sure if he believes it or not but he doesn't ask any more questions.
I am still looking for a job and gave some interviews, waiting to hear back from them. I have decided not to abort the child. I cannot do that.
My parents are very happy and my mother strictly said me to take care of myself even if no one does. She also told me to not tolerate any BS and if things go rocky, then I should come to India.
My MIL is happy, this is what she told me but now is concerned about her daughter as my SIL is also expecting a baby. She is like, "who will help her. She will be all alone." My MIL wants to come here i.e. in the country we are living right now, but her visa gets rejected. She also told me to go find work at supermarkets. When I told her the news, she was more concerned about her daughter and me not earning rather than the happiness of having a baby.
My husband on the other hand told me to take care of myself and surprisingly, listens to me. He will make sure I am eating healthy and on time and not eating cold food. When we were visiting the doctor, he also asked the questions regarding my health. Yes, he does tells me to do certain things like talk to people ( I am very reserved type), engage in conversations but now he is not shouting at me but talking with me in normal tone.
Also, my MIL once told me that we want a boy child only at first, and when I asked the same question to my husband, he said that it didn't matter to him whether it would be a girl or a boy. It would be our baby.
I am sure I am a bad person for saying this but I don't want my MIL to be present here cause she have some weird notions about periods and pregnancy. When I was in India living with her, she would not let me come near when she was making pickles if I am menstruating. Now she is saying me that if two pregnant women live together, then one would loose their milk and would not be able to breastfeed. This is the reason my SIL and her husband will be living separately. She also says that if a pregnant women craves sweet, it would be a boy and many other things.
I have already heard these things and a guessing game of a boy child or a girl child at the time of my SIL and now, I cannot go through this again during my time. I am sure I will blast and say something to her.
For my sanity, I don't want her here. I am ready to face all challenges and do everything for my baby, but not this. This does make me a bad person but I can't help it.
I am for sure that having a child will not change the dynamics between my husband and I, and I cannot process things right now. I really need a sisterly advice please.

I (28F) have known my partner, David (29M) for 5 years now, which includes an 8-month period in which we were broken up and I was in a serious relationship with another man, Luke (30M).
Before I met Luke, my relationship with David was suffering from a ton of very textbook communication issues. I won’t go into too much detail, but here’s an example. Whenever I tried to do something nice for him, he would guilt me for trying to make him feel bad because he would not do nice things for me (he was depressed at the time so that’s why it made sense to him). Or rather than talk about our feelings in a healthy manner (I-statements), we would blame each other. It was messy and resentment grew in our relationship. I used to cry a lot.
This was exactly the time I met Luke, who is a relative of my stepmother through her late husband before she married my dad. My stepmom was renting out a portion of my dad’s and hers marital home to Luke and one night she invited me to dinner with all of them. Luke instantly drew me in. He was a child’s psychologist and since I also work with small children, we had so much in common. We had an amazing conversation that evening and I learnt he had a great insight into people. I could not put my finger on it instantly, but it felt so refreshing meeting someone like him. When I shared that I met Luke with my then boyfriend David, he accused me of cheating on him and acted extremely possessive about me which angered me because I didn’t do anything wrong.
Having Luke around was more frequent now since I am close to my stepmother. Maybe because my relationship with David was getting so bad, I projected a lot of my fantasy on Luke, unconsciously. I never meant to get emotionally close with him, and as soon as I realised I was developing feelings for another man, I ended my relationship with David. That very week, Luke asked me out and our relationship blossomed. At the time, it felt like destiny, like we were meant to be and we moved too fast. It was a whirlwind romance. He was incredible and after 5 months of dating, we moved in together. However, he does not want kids of his own and I realised we were incompatible ultimately and we broke up amicably. I should admit that despite our incompatibility, there was a lot of genuine love in our relationship and he is going to be one of the “great loves” I have experienced in my life.
A lot of you might also feel differently about this, but we cannot control our feelings, only our actions. And as soon as I realised I was falling for Luke, I did right by my then partner, David, and ended things with him. I NEVER wanted to lead him on, NOR am I the cheating type. I ended things when I realised my feelings. I never cheated on David and our couple’s therapist agrees with this
I remained single for a whole year, and David reached out. He was doing better mentally now and we went for couple’s therapy as well and are in a good place now when it comes to communicating maturely. However, he cannot seem to navigate his insecurity of how I “left him for Luke”, and he wants me to say that I regret being with Luke. As hard as it is on David, I do not regret meeting Luke. David and I were bad for each other back then and we were different people. I see that the way life lead us apart, and now together, we have grown so much. Yes, it’s true, that while being with David, I fell in love with Luke, and I do not believe in the concept of “love of my life”. David also feels insecure because I never moved in with him, but I moved in with Luke. However that’s an unfair comparison because no 2 relationships are equal.
I am committed to making my relationship with David work and I know a lot of you will want to know this, but I absolutely have no feelings for Luke now. He is a different chapter of my story and is in the past.
To answer a common question about why I wouldn’t admit I “regretted” leaving David:
I understand that this is sound advice, and initially yes, I did say I regretted meeting Luke, but saying and and internalising that made me feel like I did something wrong and I was constantly thinking about how nice it would’ve been to turn back time and reclaim all that I did with Luke, and do that with David instead.
It made me feel shit about myself and I felt like it was creating a power imbalance in our relationship where I had to suppress honesty and my personal truth to make David feel secure. When the actual truth was, there were problems in our relationship already which lead to the breakup. Luke just gave it an opening.
Our therapist says I never cheated on David, even emotionally. Because as soon as I realised I had feelings/crush on Luke, I did right by our relationship and ended things with him
I knew that this bias against cheating exists here and it’s Reddit, I managed my expectations accordingly. I was prepared for cheating accusations but they don’t affect me since I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I had only 2 realistic options, to end things with David or to ignore I had feelings for another man which would’ve been tough.
Yes, Luke presented me with an opening to finally end this with David, which I admit was wrong. I should’ve tried to figure out stuff by myself, but I was naive and I didn’t know better. However this doesn’t seem to help David, as he categorically believes that ending things with him , regardless of the circumstances was the wrong thing to do.
I do not have feelings for Luke, and I’m sorry if my post makes me look like I still do. That’s because I wrote about Luke like he’s a fantasy like he was on life. I projected a lot on him and that was wrong. There was a fallout with Luke as well, but based on how he communicated with me, I felt validated despite our breakup. He’s naturally more mature and in-tune with his own emotions and those of others. He is a psychologist obviously so that matters too
TLDR: I was in a rocky relationship with David due to communication issues, which led to meeting Luke and eventually leaving David for him. Despite our differences, Luke and I had a whirlwind romance but ultimately realized we were incompatible. Now, David struggles with insecurity and wants me to regret leaving him for Luke, but I don't. I ended things with David as soon as I realized my feelings for Luke, and while it was tough, it was the right decision for me. I'm committed to making things work with David now, but I won't deny my truth or regret meeting someone who was once a significant part of my life.

My boyfriend (23 M) and I (23 F) have been together for almost 5 years now- living together for 2. I love him to bits and we have a very good and transparent relationship. But I feel like this is breaking/ will break our relationship.
Here is the thing, I want to buy a house - but not just for myself, for my parents. I’m an immigrant who moved to the UK as a child, in search for a better life. We own nothing, growing up it was always renting, constantly moving houses, never feeling like I have a place that I can call “home”. I barely ever had my own room and have no place I can call my own when I visit my parents. Both of my parents have been working their lives off to give me and my brother the best life they could and I am very grateful for it. It’s been my life dream to buy a house that I can give to my parents and have a place where we don’t have to worry about being told to move out. I’m getting especially worried about it now as they are getting old- I don’t know how much longer they would be able to work for as the jobs are physical. I’ve been working since i was 17 - all the way through uni and by the time I graduated I already had enough saved for a deposit. I always made it clear to my boyfriend (who I met in uni) that this is something I want to do and was always transparent about it.
We have recently relocated together for full time jobs, we’re renting a Teo bed place and life has been great. But, now that I am finally in a full time job, I want to get on the property ladder ASAP and have been talking to him how my plan is to buy a house in the next year. However, this was not received very well.
You see, he really wants to buy it with me. Our recent chat revealed that he was under the impression that this dream of mine getting a house for my parents was something I wanted to do later in life, like in my 50s….so he is feeling betrayed that I don’t want to invest into our life and building our family, and buying a house together where we can start a family and etc…While I understand his feelings, I have tried to assure him that we can still do that.. in a year I will be fully qualified in my field and am projected to earn double of what I earn right now so I’m more than happy to get another mortgage with him where he’s the main share holder…but this was not received well.
He comes from a very wealthy background, went to a private school and his family is very well off - their house is gorgeous. I tried to explain to him that I have nothing, and I want something to be able to call my own, so to me it’s very important I do this by myself. I think he has the issue of me owning something so big by myself, where he is not involved, he is feeling left out…. But I also reiterated that at the end of the day when we get married; this is something that will become ours anyway. He never expressed a desire to own a house quickly before, his timelines were always far away like get a place at 28 marry and kids by 30… so I’m also frustrated as there is nothing preventing us from still doing that….
After many conversations, from his point of view we can get a house together now that we can give to my parents when they will need it and move out ourselves - but to me this is not the same. Firstly, I don’t want there to be any dependencies, I want my parents to have the ability to move into it whenever they want, do with it whatever they want with it and not feel guilty that half of it isn’t theirs - or like they are taking our place. Also I don’t want to create a situation where my boyfriend feels like my parents depend on him as well and vice versa. Second of all, this situation was never discussed with my in laws and I can’t imagine what their reaction to this is going to be nor do I want to. I want to be independent and not have anyone else involved so that if anything ever goes wrong - my parents don’t have to worry about moving out and again, have something that I can invest in and have something in this world.
My boyfriend says that he understands where I am coming from but but also I don’t think he is because there is so much tension; every time we talk about this, he gets very upset and defensive…I don’t know what else to do to or say make it better, it feels like every reassurance I give is being received with the same response…
So am I a bad person for wanting to do this myself….
TL;DR I’m an immigrant who wants to buy a house without my boyfriend because I want to have a place to call my own. He’s been very fortunate in life and him nor his parents will never have to worry about having a roof over their heads. This is not the same case for me, so it’s important I do this and I have been saving up for this ever since I could work. I was always transparent about my dream, but now that I am in a position to do this, I’m not getting a good response from my boyfriend as he feels betrayed and left out he is not involved… am I a bad person ..

i have:

• tmj
• hearing sensitivity
• tinnitus
• eye floaters
• clicking at back of head with chin tucks or sometimes when turning head.
• Tension at sides of head, and sometimes the back of head and at forehead.
• popping at back of pelvis when standing up from sitting
• popping/cracking noise at doing a shoulder squeeze behind the back, at shoulder squeeze.

Background: sit a lot on pc, didn't exercise much for years. Speculate tinnitus has been caused by poor posture or TMJ.
I've had tinnitus and some of above issues for 4 years, and i think below is the only thing thats been helping lately although might be too soon to say, however gonna share anyway coz so far it has 100% helped me with jaw clicking that i had for many years, a long with back of head clicking noises and is helping with my posture.
note -
When it comes to tinnitus i believe it has helped, however unsure if it will continue helping it or if its just a placebo effect; same for hearing sensitivity.
TINNITUS AND POOR POSTURE TREATMENT
----- working out twice a week or every other day.

• Exercise Tutorial Reps setsrest (mins)
• bulgarian split squat 5 2 1 (glutes)
• pistol squat(sat) 5 2 1 (leg)
• single leg calf raise 10 2 1 (calfs)
• hanging leg raise 10 3 2 (abs)
• pull ups 5 3 1 (back)
• Push ups 8 3 1 (chest,etc)
• pike push up 8 3 2 (shoulders)
• diamond push up 8 3 2 (triceps)
• ----- taking breaks from computer

Taking breaks every 60 mins from computer, to do following stretches OR stand up!:
https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/undo-the-damage-of-sitting/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9OQMBPrFgI&list=LL&index=2&ab_channel=JeremyEthier
so every 60 mins, u either stand up for an hour, or do the stretches, i personally stand up every hour and sometimes when going to sit back down i do a stretch. Do what you prefer best and suits you.
Note- when standing take note of your posture, such as your feet pointing outwards when standing, this is a sign of duck feet and correct the feet to be straight and aligned.
----- jaw stretch
throughout the day i simply open my mouth as wide as possible, like use all your face and mouth to open, and simply rotate my head around (look left, right, up and down), but dont over do the rotating head part whilst u have mouth open, just look around a bit, left right, up, etc.
Note - i dont have any jaw pain, my tmj could just be muscular and may differ from your tmj, so whether this may be of help to u idk. I noticed that sitting posture influences the back of head cracking noises and jaw clicking.
----- results after 1-2 days.
ive only done this for 1-2 days so very early to say, but i tell you what, it has done the following:
Pros:

• Less head cracking when rotating head.
• less head tension, but at same time i kinda feel like i still got head tension, so maybe not, but i feel like its helping idk.
• Smoother JAW opening, left jaw used to click a lot but now it feels smoother and less clicking.
• Tinnitus feels quieter, but can still hear it in the day but not too bad. In bed its more louder tbh.

Cons:

• Increased hearing sensitivity after jaw stretch, not sure why but will continue anyways coz fuck it and its helped with jaw opening and back of head cracking noises.
• Still feeling some head tension
• still get cracking noises behind back when i do shoulder squeeze.
• still get popping noises behind my pelvis/ at back of lower spine when standing up from sitting.

----- results after 5 or so days.
pros:

• noticeably less head cracking when rotating head left, right, and doing various circles with head.
• reduced tinnitus, its much quieter
• less head tension
• smoother jaw opening
• despite first 1-2 days my hearing sensitivity being worse, i think its actually slightly improving now.

cons:

• Somedays after waking up, tinnitus is reactive and louder, but that goes away after doing jaw stretches and exercising a bit, etc. Note on top of tinnitus being reactive, hearing sensitivity also worsens during these times.
• sometimes still feel some head tension

notes -- things may continue to improve if i remain consistent with the routine, i will update later if i am able to stay motivated with my workouts lol
sharing this anyway coz it probably will help someone out here struggling with finding something to help their tinnitus, tmj and poor posture.
----- notes for sitting on pc

• get an electric desk, so u can switch between standing, or you can raise table to a height that makes it easier to eat without bending the neck.
• knees at 90 degrees.
• elbows at 90 degrees.
• lumbar support.
• dont use arm rests, they are only for resting not for long hours of use on pc.
• middle of monitor screen at eye level.

----- notes for sleeping
thick memory foam pillows aren't good for me personally, they make it harder to breathe or almost block your breathing during sleep.
However slimmer foam pillows i think have helped.
I have tried shredded memory foam as well and not the biggest fan, but i still switch between the thin memory foam pillow and the shredded one.
I also make sure to always sleep on side.
And i do not mouth breathe.
I dont use masking noises during sleep either, even when tinnitus has been the most distracting simply because i have a feeling it would backfire and cause you to rely on a sound to sleep, on top of possibly accumulating hearing loss if its too loud by accident. That said perhaps my tinnitus isn't as loud as yours, so experience may differ.

Hey! I need some advice. My boyfriend who is 23 and I 20 have been together for 5 years now we definitely had our ups and downs but we had worked through it. Last year he has opened up his own business and it’s been going good so far. I recently wanted to start studying at uni but he wouldn’t let me because he feels like other guys will try and talk to me so he is very against it. I would be fine with not studying but it’s just that we don’t live together and he doesn’t even help me pay for anything or buy me anything not that he should but it’s why I want to study so I can get a degree and get a job so I’ll be able to pay for things myself. He is always like when his things are sorted he will take care of me and give me everything I want but I don’t know. I really wanted to move in with him because obviously when you love someone you want to to be with them together but that is definitely not his priority, he doesn’t want to move in with me but instead buy like three houses and put them on rent and make passive money. He feels like he can make more money if we don’t move in together but what is the point then? I feel like I’ll be wasting my years away for someone who doesn’t even want to live with me. Can someone give me any advice I don’t know what to do.

*Management style:
Not democratic/participative. Not transformational. Not Coaching. Very much Autocratic/Authoritative/Coercive. Sometimes Laissez-faire. Style depends on the department.
*Chain of command:
The ministry is seen as a church by top management. Top management are the “elders” and the CEO is the Senior Pastor. Then there is everybody else. So, confidence is put on their positions of authority. They are, in all sense and purposes, the “spiritual leaders”. They present themselves as having spiritual authority and, therefore, as being entitled to receive immediate agreement and unquestioned compliance.
Also, there are multiple management layers or chains which this quote sums up as well:
"When you become an admiral, you never have bad meals and you never hear the truth. there are all these layers of management and buffer layers and each one is afraid to tell unpleasant truth to the top levels.... “
Not a culture of authenticity where everyone on the team, including management, is encouraged, and expected to be who they are. There is a sense that top management puts up a false front, they seem to want to appear perfect. Illusions of invulnerability exist. They always lead well, they always make the right decisions, they never admit mistakes, etc. Want people to think they got it all together- all rainbows and lollipops. Do not exhibit vulnerability. Toxic positivity is also very much present: Everything is seen as “awesome”. So, there is judgment if you have a bad (not "everything is awesome") day.
The vertical chain of command, results in less collaboration, slow communication, lack of career growth, feelings of subordination, and decreased employee empowerment. Top management sets the rules and standards without any input from the “bottom” employees. Employee questions, concerns or ideas have to go up several steps of the chain of command so that upper management can address or approve. The bottom employees do not have the ability to make decisions related to their work or a particular situation. So, not everyone feels equal.
So, if you are not a spiritual leader, you are just basically told to submit and listen to those who are in authority over you because they are the people that “hear from God” and you are not and so whatever they say goes. And they set up a scenario where they basically kept those of us who were not spiritual leaders dependent upon them.
Many in management are overconfident and overestimate their abilities. They have a simple idea of how things are and how things work. Unfortunately, they make decisions that impact entire departments without gaining the needed knowledge.
The chain of command and lack of ongoing training also results in many employees being promoted so much that they max out their competence and will remain there until they leave or are let go. So, you end up with many in the role of management that lack the training and competence of the respective department. So, employees with the most authority are often not the most experienced and not adept in the particular field leading team members. And employees with the most experience and skills and knowledge and wisdom have the least (or no) authority.
Good leaders don’t always claim the “leader” title. Oftentimes, good leaders are those with more understated temperaments. Leadership is as much about listening as it is about telling. However, people with the most open and receptive personalities often do not have much authority.
Also, how the chain of command should operate when there is a unit that acted without proper authorization, it is not a junior authority who’s going to bear a responsibility for that, but somewhat of more senior status. And that’s true in any military or business or ministry operating by a code of ethics. So, if someone at the bottom of the chain is struggling, failing, or making mistakes, those at the top of the chain bear full responsibility. Everything stands or falls on leadership. Unfortunately, the chain at FCBH is not two directional.
There is also a sense that top management promotes employees who are least-competent but pose no risk to their own position (in-group bias) to management.
*Feedback:
Work environment or culture is not set up for employees to give honest feedback/opinions or to deliver bad news or to question or disagree with management.
Sample bias is also common. Management will send an email asking for feedback but they won't consider how only the people who are open to talking and sharing their opinions will participate while others won’t. Bias arises because employees with specific characteristics (e.g., extroverts) might be more likely to agree to participate than others, making the participants a non-representative sample. People with strong opinions or substantial knowledge about a specific topic may be more willing to give feedback than those without. Management does not follow up to determine why they are unresponsive or follow up frequently to reduce attrition.
Management claims they want to hear from employees, but they only want opinions and ideas on matters that are superficial or trivial. So, few employees give candid feedback on important and significant matters.
Top management does not involve employees in the change process when changes occur.
Management does not ask for honest feedback on their leadership or on decisions that are made that affect employees. Management will not ask how they are doing as leaders, what employees need from them. No regular check-ins or 1:1 on employees’ professional and personal well-being. Are employees stressed, disappointed or feeling burdened physically, emotionally or spiritually? No growth and career discussions.
Management will ignore most feedback, comments, suggestions even when it's common knowledge but will adamantly listen to employees who preface with "God told me to tell you..." Or “I felt God say …” or “God spoke to me and said…”
For example, management started focusing on Gen Z only after a few people claimed that “God told us that Gen Z are important for our future business growth.” In another instance, someone said “God gave us this word: we as a ministry need to really consider how everyone is wired, how each person is different. How people have different personalities.” Then, management affirmed this “word from God.”
If one employee brings something up to management it is often ignored and the employee is gaslighted. If two or more employees bring the same thing to management, then God is communicating something and they take it seriously (per Matt 18). Even if it is just coincidence or frequency bias.
*Groupthink/Conformity:
Groupthink, confirmation bias, in-group bias, illusions of unanimity, and self-censorship is very prevalent in the culture and especially in their meetings. There is a lot of direct pressure to not question, to conform, to agree with the views and personal convictions of the top management. Employees condemn those who disagree or question top management and they accept those who agree, creating immense pressure for conformity.
So, many employees frequently remain quiet, preferring to “keep the peace” rather than disrupt the uniformity. Employees are pressured to hide problematic information (especially from top management).
*Disagreements/Different perspectives:
Top management will also point out the working and living conditions of international employees to “encourage” local employees to not “complain” or give critical feedback or bring up legitimate problems (e.g., fumes or loud noises from construction in the building).
Management also often commits the "ends (or goals or vision) justify the means" fallacy: the work, the production and distribution of bibles (the ends) being done is more important, so employees shouldn't complain at all about the means or their working conditions (broken chairs, broken or inadequate equipment, poor work-life balance, bad management).
And, if management disagrees with you, with your observations, feedback, suggestions, or theology, they will often try to trump you with spirituality or vague meaningless spiritual terminology instead of using Scripture (properly interpreted), facts and reasoning.
In addition, top managers will take great offense when employees question or disagree with the directions and decisions they make. Dissent is not welcomed. Respectful debates/disagreement is not encouraged. Open discussion and alternative perspectives are not encouraged. Management does not value, support, or respect diverse opinions and ideas. They do not actively seek out different viewpoints. Do not allow people to speak their perspective, their thought of mind. So, there is no psychological safety. Employees do not feel comfortable expressing dissenting opinions without fear of retribution or judgment. Afraid of breaking the little glass image. People do not feel comfortable sharing setbacks, mistakes, failures. Management does not encourage open communication. Management often seeks agreement, instead of posing honest questions that challenge the status quo and provoke critical thinking and discussion. They do not encourage employees to challenge them. In fact, they are seen as a type of complaining or critical feedback and so are viewed as sin. This makes top management seem self-centered.
*Appeals to emotion: Guilt and Shame:
Top management often shares their personal opinions and convictions (e.g., spending money only when absolutely necessary, not accepting large gifts, not buying fancy items) as something everyone should do. It’s never direct. It's always through stories. Management loves stories. The personal convictions of management are presented as more than preferences.
For instance, top management encourages extreme frugality and poverty through their personal anecdotes #loudbudgeting and stories from international cultures. Think along the lines of: “we, here in America, have no right to be sad or to complain about things or to request better things or ask for accommodations or for more employee engagement because others (internationals) have it much worse.” Even wanting better equipment and supplies or asking for better working conditions is frowned upon (in some cases seen as a sin), even if your request helps you to do your job more effectively and makes the work better (a new whiteboard, a new office chair, better computers, etc.)
Example: “You should really try to come in to work even if you feel bad, even if you are snowed in and the roads are hazardous because people need to get our bibles. And our international employees work in much harsher conditions.”
You also get this feeling from the way they communicate that top management would rather not pay their employees. They would prefer it if everyone just worked for free because “we are on a mission from God. We are doing the Lord's work.” There is also a sense that employees should be more than willing to sacrifice their well-being, career goals, financial goals, personal goals for reaching people with their Bibles.
Leadership sets the example and expectations, so this all ends up making employees confused and feeling guilty and ashamed. Guilty and shameful about asks, spending money (even their own). Guilty and shameful about having nice things (new car, new phone, new tv), about making needs known, about sharing concerns regarding work, about asking for raises to keep up with cost of living, etc.
Example: An employee has continued to use an old whiteboard. It is so old it is hard to read and difficult to erase. Management likes to tell donors: “We don't spend money on everyday things like whiteboards…. Instead, we use that money for more bible recordings, for people to hear about Jesus.”
This also causes confusion. Every few months there is a meeting where management discusses how sitting on stores of money is bad, but spending it is also bad, but also not spending it is bad... "Being rich is bad. Money is bad. let's not accumulate money, that's bad. We must think about how people will see what we have. So we should look poor and not appear too frivolous." But top management is okay with receiving gifts from donors and other ministries. Management personally does not like to have nice “fancy” things, and as a ministry, they say FCBH should also not have nice fancy things, they should use the money for other more important things. They don't like when other ministries use their money for nice fancy things, but it's okay if other ministries give FCBH nice fancy things like tote bags, key chains, mugs, phone holders, lunch bags. Another example, it took them years to repaint the parking lot. It was at the point where people did not know where to park. Before repainting, management decided to remodel the hallways and install posters and multiple monitors with language stats.
There is also a subtle sense that producing audio and video bibles is the highest calling one can have. And it's implied that FCBH is the main means God uses to fulfill the great commission: “God needs FCBH to do these bible recordings or people (specifically unreached internationals) will go to hell.” So, top management hints that working anywhere else isn't really serving God (or at least, not serving God as well as one could if they worked somewhere else). They imply that working at this ministry is the only way to truly serve God and fulfill your calling. They also use this framing to guilt and shame employees into not quitting. Management implies that employees should not take opportunities to leave or take other jobs because getting the Bible to people is God’s highest calling for us as Christians:
“If anyone leaves FCBH, then they must not really understand the vision/calling. They are not committed to saving people. We should be willing to give up things to fulfill the calling. The apostles did not pursue better jobs and so God will provide if we need better pay, benefits, career. For those of us who join the ministry to hold true to get God's word to every person, it takes discipline because we have opportunities to do other things. I'm sure that Noah had problems with Builders because he probably had hundreds of people not thousands working on the ark. They started their own businesses and started side things going on. pretty soon they'll have no time to work with him on the ark. and you can have all kinds of diversionary things happen. and so we want to understand they focused in the ministry. and that's been one of the things that I've really tried to do is what did God tell me at the time this ministry began because I was not interested in this ministry. I was interested in living by faith and experiencing God through people and seeing people experience God. and when I was praying about that here in Albuquerque the Lord said bring my church together and make disciples. and then he also told me that when his people think the same they are one. so it's not a matter of getting rid of the buildings or the leaders but it's a matter of people thinking the same. They can go to different denominations, different buildings, have different teachers, and different preachers and leaders but once they think the same, they're one and that's what his objective was. and so that's when I felt like the Lord said get God's word to every person. So I'm challenging us to stay true to what God has called us to do. and every time somebody leaves the ministry there are reasons for leaving. but it startles me a little bit, because I think well we haven't, we haven't communicated the vision very well somehow because they didn't get it. like Noah building the arc. it it's a long project it's not a month or a year two years or three years. our immediate goal is 2033 and it means that we're committed to a cause. and that means some of us we give up something. I we've given up stuff we live in a small apartment and that's what we saw that God had us do and that's our lifestyle we we tone down our lifestyle to get the cause committed to the cause. and and I know that's difficult for some, in some cases maybe there's financial needs because of family growth and stuff there they just can't afford to work in the ministry. but sometimes it's a choice and every time somebody leaves it where it's actually a choice. I think we haven't communicated the mission very good the vision very good. I've been looking at is that could you imagine read reading the New Testament. and finding out that Peter about halfway through or Paul halfway through the ministry all of a sudden got a better job offer. and stopped their portion of the ministry they held the course no matter what happened. whether it was good or whether it was bad. Paul talks about this and sometimes we want to follow the Lord. but we don't impart on ourselves the same responsibilities that those disciples did. so when God Empower them is he empowering you in the same way. and you're making choices that maybe you shouldn't make that you will impart and say the Lord is leading me someplace else when in fact maybe it isn't. it's just a better offer. if the Bible in the New Testament was reading a little bit different than Stephen left the ministry at this point or James left the ministry at this point because of something I think we need to be very very careful and why I say that is that as we work internationally.”
SO, there is a lot of guilt and shame about leaving to pursue other interests or meet needs. Guilt and shame about wanting to leave to advance and develop professionally. For this reason, many remain “loyal” and stay at the ministry.
So there is lots of control and manipulation in the work culture.
*Weekly worship meetings:
These are mandatory and there are some legitimate concerns:
Top management seems to have misconceptions about true worship and worship experiences. They often reduce worship to singing by their communication, the way “worship” is used. Worship is seen as something we do on occasion - once a week, when we gather at work for the mandatory worship time. Top management, by ignoring other styles, seems to believe that there is a single style of worship which is correct for Christians.
And it seems like just about anyone can lead worship or be on the team: anyone that can play an instrument. Top management does not require a worship class or agreement to biblical principles concerning worship as a prerequisite for employees who desire to plan and lead worship experiences. So you end up with people who have different views/philosophies on the worship team. Unfortunately, many who lead do not take the time/effort to plan and lead worship experiences, to discern from songs that are better suited for individual or private worship from songs that are corporate or public worship, to discern songs that are controversial/questionable (have bad theology, weak theology), songs that are theologically ambiguous or songs that lean more towards “feminine” attributes. Most, if not all, of our modern “Christian” worship music is written at a simplistic level of understanding and comprehension. Most music tends to appeal to our emotions. Many songs appeal mostly to women. So there is a great need for teaching on the biblical principles concerning worship. Also a need to choose theologically balanced songs with music appropriate for the people. Unfortunately, many of the songs chosen are theologically incorrect (e.g., having elements from the Word Of Faith movement, New Apostolic Church, New Age). Songs are often not theologically balanced. Songs seem to be chosen for their emotional impact, to make employees feel good; many focus on just one aspect of God (e.g., love). Many promote self-centered worship.
Most of the worship leaders just sing the songs: They do not actually “lead” people into worship. They do not help people connect the lyrics of the song to where they are at in their personal life, to teach them something about God or help the people understand what this song means and what God wants them to get out of it, so they're not just singing songs and just doing, going through the motions or help them understand the depth and the richness of what lyrics mean and how it applies to their life. What matters to them seems to be whether songs are impactful, moving, and beautiful. (Whatever that means.) Whether songs make employees feel good. They don't seem to care whether the songs actually reflect truth: Do the lyrics line up with Scripture? Do the songs glorify self or God? How would new Christians or nonChristians interpret the song?
Theology is the study of God and it's very important doxology is an expression of praise to God so the point here is that all theologies should ultimately lead to doxology if theology doesn't lead to doxology then we've actually missed the point of theology so if you have theology without doxology you just have dead hold orthodoxy which is horrible. On the other side you have the people who say “forget about theology I just want to praise.” But if you have doxology without theology you actually have idolatry because it's just a random expression of praise but it's not actually informed by the truth of who God is so God is
concerned with both he's concerned with an accurate understanding of him and that accurate understanding of him leading to a response of praise adoration and worship towards him.
*Leadership quality:
Top management has more respect for donors and guests than their employees.
Management lacks basic core leadership principles/values:
Unfortunately, many employees are not given power or resources: Management just gives them the responsibility to get things done. Before responsibility is given, employees should be equipped: be empowered, have the authority, be given resources and have the experience. Employees are not empowered as individuals to solve their own problems using their own solutions. Micromanagement is often required every time the situation changes or problems arise. Employees are not inspired to act as leaders for themselves, delivering amazing performance without guidance. They have coaching sessions but only when there’s a problem. True coaching occurs regardless of whether the individual is crushing their goals or falling behind. Management does not seem to care about unlocking a person’s potential and getting the most of their performance. They seem only interested in producing more followers, not more leaders.
No method to hold management accountable to core values listed in their own Employee handbook. Employees are expected to abide by the procedures and rules described in the handbook but top management can choose to ignore it when it is convenient for them.
-Top management are NOT learners: No desire to develop and improve their skills.
-They do not ask employees: What’s one thing you see me doing—or failing to do—that you think I should change?
-They do not ask how they are doing as leaders. Or ask employees how they’re doing.
-They do not ask what employees need from management that they are not giving them.
-No performance evaluations for both management or non-managment.
-They often fail to emotionally connect with employees.
-They do not speak to employees' needs first.
-They do not focus on what they can put into people rather than what they can get out of them.
-They do not understand basic psychology, how people think and behave.
-They are often resistant to (and even hate) change: Perhaps because they fear losing control. In fact, new information, objective facts, research, stats, and even new ideas are often ignored in favor of what's easiest to do or because of tradition. If something has been done and “works”, top management does not see a reason to question it or to improve on it. If something was tried 5, 10, 20, even 50yrs before and failed, top management does not see a reason to try it again even if the exact circumstances have changed.
-They do not empower or give the means, the power or opportunity to do to employees.
-They do not trust others to follow through managing processes and performing tasks.
-They do not lead by example.
-They do not know when to move forward and when to back off, what to improve and how radical those improvements should be.
-They often fail to see options, and plan and prioritize.
-They fail to develop leaders around them.
-Their communication is often poor.
-Their listening is also poor: do not listen for more than facts, but also the feelings, meanings and undercurrents.
-They do not take the time to get to know the people they lead: no weekly check-ins which top organizations have to discuss how employees are doing professionally and personally. Management doesn't ask “what was good this week? What was not good this week? How is your well-being? How is your family?”
Competence in leadership skills is also poor.
-They are not teachable: not willing to keep learning, growing, improving in leadership and management practices: FCBH has a yearly “leadership” summit. But, the way it is set up, it reinforces weaknesses instead of challenging leadership growth.
The summit is also just for a select few in top management. Not every employee is seen as a leader so most employees are excluded.
Top managers attend the summit but there is no followup, no post accountability by other managers and especially by the employees that are under the managers. No discussion on how management will apply what was learned.
Some of the past speakers have had questionable characters and even questionable teachings (Judah Smith). Leadership qualifications and theological background seems to be ignored in favor of charismatics, dynamics, popularity.
-Top management does not take responsibility for their part of a disagreement or failure and apologize.
-They often embrace a victim mentality.
-They often limit yourself by your job title.
-They do not invest in better tools or processes.
-They are content with the status quo.
-They allow their past achievements to stagnate their desire to keep learning.
-There is a lack of discernment, finding the main cause of problems/issues.
-They do not anticipate problems.
-They do not accept the truth of the problem: Do not face up to the reality of the situation;
-They get bogged down in the details.
-They often avoid problems.
-They don’t deal well with problems.
-They do not have their team study all angles.
-They often do not value nontraditional thinking: Don’t embrace change, ambiguity and uncertainty well.
-They do not work well with differences.
-They do not have their own mentors or provide mentorship to others.
-They do not invest to improve their own professional or leadership skills.
-They are often insecure, constantly seek validation, acknowledgement and love.
-They limit employee's success and recognition:
-They do not seem interested in making people successful: Don’t attempt to remove barriers that prevent employees from being successful.

• They often feel threatened by accomplishments by employees who are not management:

If an employee who is not management has a great idea to improve the work, management often does not support it and may secretly try to shut it down.
When a team succeeds, management will not give other people credit and instead take the credit themselves.
It seems like some of the people working there were given the title of management, the position, and that alone made them qualified. Management or leaders assume that their position alone qualifies them to make critical decisions where they may not have the best data, insight, wisdom, skill, experience. Just because one may have the word “manger” in the job title, does not automatically make them a great leader. Leadership is about dealing with people, and the dynamics between those people, and influencing people.
*Dead end career path:
For the most part, top management assumes that team members are fine and "settled", rather than taking the time to understand their true feelings and needs. They do not ask employees where they are struggling, where they are having trouble, what frustrates them the most?
Management does not seem interested in making employees better both personally or professionally. They do not have a growth plan or professional development plan for employees. No job related training. They do not provide what is needed to help employees to grow and improve. They don't provide opportunities for employees to apply their talents and expertise. They don’t ask how they can better support employees. Employees don’t check on each other.
One is expected to work until health deteriorates and skills become obsolete so you leave in a worse place than you started. For most employees, there is no long term future with the organization. Management does not let employees know how they are doing and what the future looks like for them. What the opportunities are. They do not take the time to learn from employees what they want to be. No honest conversations to understand employees goals and ambitions. So, because there is no growth or development plan, no career path, once your skills are outdated, they will probably let you go or they will keep you in the same position and your salary will max out.
Management does not coach employees on how to manage their time, priorities, and energy; no teaching on how to problem solve, or make better decisions, or how to set boundaries or how to minimize context switching and zoom fatigue.

I remember being 12 and looking up unclaimed bodies around my area because I called my dad for 2 years straight and he never picked up.
My mother used to tell me that I’m worthless anytime I did something that she didn’t agree with. It could be over the stupidest things too. She was always deliberately cruel.
Like when my job promoted me to another store, and I was bragging to her about my accomplishments, she said “they’re just doing that to get rid of you. Nobody likes you”.
I’m turning 24 soon and it just sort of hit me that I could never be like either of them. It’s hard to be a good parent, but it’s not that hard to just be an ok one.
I want to reconnect with them so bad, because what am I doing that’s so bad that I don’t deserve parents?? I never argued with them as a kid/teenager. I never drank/smoke/ snuck out or talked back to them. I got excellent grades in school. But it’s like I got dealt a shitty hand.
I got a job at 16 and i was apparently deemed good enough to parent myself. My mom stopped grocery shopping so I had to spend my paycheck to buy groceries/food and then when I got home she would yell at me for hours because I didn’t “get the right food” and I must hate her because I didn’t buy the organic stuff she wanted. But I was only working part-time at a restaurant for $9 an hour and couldn’t afford it. She also gave me $600 a month bill that was also my responsibility with the rest of my paycheck.
Or when I graduated high school and needed to go college, she wouldn’t fill my Fafsa out (she did the same thing to my brother and he had to drop out and go to community college) and kept pushing it back. I had to get a 2nd job to pay my tuition, so I was going to school full-time, and then had a full-time and part-time job.
She figured out the days I got paid, and would drive me to a check cashing place and take most of my money. I couldn’t keep that life up of working 12+ hour days every day and flunked out of my college. I reenrolled in my local community college, but I was just so lost that I ended up quitting.
She brought a new house when I was in college that had a run-down in law suite. She told me if I fixed it I could live in there and pay rent and have some more privacy. I worked extra hours and got a 3rd job, found a plumber and electrician, and would spend hours every week to fix the place, and wouldn’t you know it as soon as I was done she sold the property and took all the profit. She did the same thing to a broken down car that she had, I paid $4k to take it to a mechanic and when we got it back, she “never said that” and still drives that car to this day.
When we were moving (again) i decided to just get an apartment with my boyfriend because I was getting sick and tired of being used. She found out and hid the leasing information that I got from a complex, and guilt tripped me by saying she wouldn’t be able to afford things on just her paycheck and would starve. So I quit looking, just for her to scream at me a week later that I was a useless burden and that I was the one financially abusing her.
So I packed my bags, slept on the dirty floor of my boyfriend’s parents trailer for 2 weeks, got a round of the stimulus checks, and moved out to our own apartment. When I went back to her place to pack the last of my stuff she was snatching things out of my hand, threw my boyfriend’s laptop and tried to choke him/throw him out.I pushed her away from him and she told the family that we both were hitting her, so they don’t talk to me anymore. She was also insulting him for his family bring poor, and making fun of his dead grandmother.
And as I’m getting older and my prefrontal cortex is developing I just don’t understand them. I can understand hurtful things being said in the moment, but to continually be like that means you are making a conscious effort to be a terrible person.
But I miss them so much. I want a mom to talk to about my day and complain about my co-workers with. I want to watch movies at her place again and eat junk food. But she doesn’t deserve it, and I feel like I do. I don’t know what to do. There’s plenty of more terrible and down right weird things that she does. Like she used to beat me and my brothers with electric wires as a kid. Or recently, she was renting out one of our old homes and my partner and I moved in and we were paying MORE THAN market rent. And she forced us to move out after only 6 weeks because I said no to helping her on a side project because I was busy. But I “owed her” because she could’ve “charged me more”.
Which I should’ve known it would end this way honestly.
My parents are divorced and my father lives in a different city. He only calls me when he needs something and honestly I have stopped answering.
I’m not sure what to do. Advice?
TL;DR: my parent’s are terrible, I still want a relationship with them.

Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"

My mom and I (26F) have always had a rocky relationship. She cares about me deeply, but is so anxious and controlling. She lashes out when she feels like she's losing control over me and isn't good at expressing her emotions. We're in a better place now, but it can be difficult to open up about my life without her getting jealous and insecure.
I've been involved in a great relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 months now. Things are still very new, but we're pretty serious about each other and have been having casual conversations about a future together (how long we'd like to wait to get engaged and stuff like that). My parents like my boyfriend, so I mentioned that we had been talking about future plans. My mom seemed excited for me and I felt like things were good.
The next day, I was in the other room and my mom had her housekeeper over. I heard my name mentioned and started listening in. They were talking quietly, but I was able to catch a lot of what was being talked about. My mom made it sound like we were getting engaged immediately and were moving way too fast, which isn't what she told me at all. Her housekeeper started saying how suspicious that was and how I better have an escape plan because something wasn't right. I thought my mom would speak out in my boyfriend's defense, but instead she started agreeing with her housekeeper and saying that she was going to have private conversations with him to make sure everything was alright. They spent a lot of time talking about how worried they were about me and it all really rubbed me the wrong way.
Afterwards, I tried to talk to her about it, saying that I didn't appreciate her talking about my relationship behind my back. She denied it all, saying that the only reason she didn't speak up about my boyfriend was because her housekeeper was a victim of DA and my mom didn't want her to feel like she was arguing with her. She also told me that I didn't understand the situation because I hadn't been abused. This really hurt because I'm a victim of SA, which my mom doesn't know about. I've been through therapy for a while and know what red flags to look for, so it hurts that my mom doesn't trust me enough to make my own decisions.
I kept trying to tell her that it's possible to speak up for others without invalidating the experiences of victims, but she didn't listen and started going on about how she can't say anything anymore and will just leave me and my boyfriend alone. It makes me sad because my boyfriend really wants to have a good relationship with my parents and I don't want him to be affected by this. It just hurt me so much the way they were talking about him like he's abusive. He has been more kind, loving, and respectful to me in the 2 months that we've been together than my mom has been to me for a good chunk of my life.
Both of my parents are saying it wasn't a big deal and I'm just overreacting, but I feel like I'm allowed to stand up for the people I care about. AITA?

In a big deliveroo user, I regularly order twice a day, sometimes three times a day. I send meals to friends and family for treats. Last year I think I spent over ten grand on the app. Last week ordered burgers for family, says twenty mins delivery so all good, after fifteen mins the order is collected but didn't move, like the rider is showing as stationary at the resto so I try and call him via the app, no answer, text, no answer, so eventually call deliveroo, girl takes the call, listens for about two minutes to the issue then the line just goes quiet, she just muted me I guess as didn't want a tricky call, anyway I just start walking to the resto instead to find out what's up, once I get there I call deliveroo again, explain that not only do I not have my food, I've now had to walk to get it and place a whole new order. The guy actually listens this time, and offers me a five pound credit. I'm like mate, I spent literally multiple thousands of pounds with you, I don't have my food, my family is going mental, and I've now had to walk to resto, and will walk back, and you're offering me a fiver? He's like yeah I'm like fine I doubt this is company policy, so I DM the twitter account to check, and the guy responds with like 'so sorry, you're a valuable customer etc, so we credited your account with compensation of £20.40' I'm like yo, you liar!!! That wasn't compensation, that was literally a REFUND for the food that was NEVER DELIVERED. lying scum. So I replied saying that wasn't compensation that was refund, and the agent just says 'sorry you had this experience no further action'. I'm like fine I am done with deliveroo. So then I go look at my vouchers and credit, and there's like £300 credit there with loads having expired, I'm like wtf why isn't it using credit automatically?? So I try to spend some of it, and you have to scroll way way way down on the payment screen, to find the cunningly hidden bottom to use credit, so I switch that on and pay with that. Next order to just get rid of the credit, I had already decided to use uber eats instead, I just assume the button to pay with credit is still switched on, why wouldn't it be right? If I've got credit that is gonna expire, what possible reason would I ever have to NOT use credit that is gonna expire, so I click through and get charged for the order, so checked it out and you have to MANUALLY scroll down and click the button every. Single. Order. That is just dirty, cheating, underhanded tactics, so I'm done, gonna use my credit and then go permanently to uber eats and from what I've seen, it's just a better service, better app, with better selection of restos. Goodbye deliveroo, you will not be missed you cheating, lying scum.

Im working and the audio hallucinations are interrupting my day I feel as though it wants me to submit to it and be a product of a anxious disfunctional mental illness patient while using me as the stepchild that was never wanted. Its so hurtful with all the things going on in life and this just seems like abuse unecessarily being bashed for everything to fit thier own accusations according to their own laws cause it not subsequent with the law of the land or God's law while they are the ones going against my mental stablity doing whatever they want. I try to be mindful of my mental stability and not follow up every thing that it says cause if I do they get really mean. The uncertainty of real and unreal still lies a slight factor especially since the audio hallucinations are so lifelike and appear to be from some judgemental statues only a a Spiritual being could posses even its its from the opposing side insisting that I be this perfect human which is no possible way things go wrong, things donot always work the way I plan or want it to be, life is not put together like that there is always gonna be ups and downs and in betweens. They are so rude and unpredictable before I can take care of my hygiene or personal business they have already announced bluntly in a way that others co-sign (appearing to be freinds, family, enemies) and keeps me so embarassed and very uncomfortable. I always have to tell the truth or they go on and on until I almost go back on my word that I told someone to keep myself level headed smh ,Both of these things have been going on forever its no relief to this. I really feel like a stepchild that the parents didnt want and is always looking for something to go wrong to abuse and beat me for. This illness for me has been isolated with people revolving around doing whatever they please and im on accountability status everyday. I wish it was only my anxiousness that makes this occur but I think that its not only that. Cause I dont feel as though my hygiene and bills makes me anxious enough to go into full blown crisis mood. Usually venting helps but I may have to go to another level to get piece of mind. If you did read this and I know its long winded I apologize if it was to much but I needed to appease my mental stabilty. Please tell me if you go through the same thing. It will be helpful to know others are. Thank you in advance.

Just ranting needed to get this off my chest life’s just been eating me up recently
My stomach and intestines will not shut up and any slight movement they bubble and gurgle and whine it’s been so long dealing with this 2 months of hell I finally had bms daily for 7 days and now this is my second day without one I’m tired of taking miralax I wish my doctor would give me a diagnosis for fucks sake I still don’t know what’s wrong with me and it’s a constant issue I don’t have a life anymore I’m pissed I reckon whatever it is it’s probably gonna get worse and kill me im assuming it’s colon cancer that’s spread to the intestines I chew tobacco and use to swallow the spit when I was in tech school cause they didn’t allow it on campus I’m not getting any better if anything slowly worse each day idk what to do my doctors worthless he’s done one ct scan and just says it’s constipation I’ve taken miralax every single day for 2 months ate entirely clean and all the bullshit they tell you nothings even got the slightest bit better life sucks I’ve lost everything I wish I could drink or smoke away the pain but in fact it makes it worse I’m lost man I’ve been Christian for 2 years as well and even that feels pointless I’m just dead inside the only joy I have left in life is tobacco how sad is that the only time I feel somewhat happy or normal is when I put a dip in and I was even planning to throw that out before all this but now what’s the point my health’s fucked apparently wether I get mouth cancer or not he’ll I wouldn’t even be typing this if I had someone to talk to but i don’t I’ve got one freind left and he’s busy bros got his own life and I’m hella proud of him for it I was on track to do the same finally bought a vehicle got the job I trained for now I lay in bed listening to my loud ass gut and minimize symptoms I really miss life I’m thinking about just going back to work and saying fuck it just let it get worse maybe then my doc will actually take me seriously probably not but yeah my life sucks I feel like god genuinely hates me I take a step forward and he smacks me 7 steps back with a right hook I’m tired of pretending to be happy for people around me I’m tired of pretending that my cursed and all this is a blessing and I just haven’t found the lesson yet I’m starting to doubt everything and I’m going crazy sitting in my room all day I’m sure no one’s gonna read this or care even if they do I just need this shit off my chest everyone around me acts like I’m fine cause I’ve always been the type of person to laugh shit off and try to just man up my way through every problem but I can’t do that anymore there’s no more jokes and I’m half the man I was I use to have goals that were possible and I was reaching them I was doing good but here I am worse than I started but fuck it as is life I guess some people got it worse than me and I’m truly sorry that they have to go through any of it but life’s a bitch and this is a cruel ass world it really makes me struggle with my faith if gods all loving why would we be down here suffering even if we followed all the rules and did our best just doesn’t seem right but it’s whatever I guess

Luka Doncic has done things at his age only MJ, LBJ, Wilt and the like have done. We have all witnessed him do things in the playoffs and regular season few men will ever touch.
He is by no means perfect, but the fair weather fans calling him a lazy fat baby and all this bullshit need to get the fuck out of here with that shit.
This is his first season with a proven #2 and championship level pieces around him. Despite a multitude of injuries since the end of the regular season he has led us to a playoff series win and are in a position to reach the WCF. He has one leg right now guys! No one can shoot without legs.
Give this man some respect and a fucking break! This sub sounds like a bunch of ungrateful bastards, he ain’t Kawhi or AD. He’s the most injured he’s ever been and fighting through like a motherfucker. He ain’t perfect, but if you don’t think he’s fighting his ass off getting tripped elbowed and thrown around for two series with already fucked legs nothing will ever seem like fight to you. He’s had one bad playoff series ever!
Yes. Luka needs to control his temper better and grow as a leader and I 100% believe he will. This whole team needs to mature. We all saw last night. Have you not seen the leaps and bounds his defense has grown in 2 years? We are only beginning to see what Luka can do, we are only beginning to see what this fantastic Mavs core can do.
If Luka was his healthy playoff self right now we’d be in the WCF in 5 games and probably cooked the Clips in 5 too. This seems obvious to me whether we win this series or not.
And if we do lose, I’m ready to run in back with the fucking dawgs we got on this team, the MF Don, and the third eye guru we’ve come to love so well!
But as long as there is a chance. ITS MAVS IN 6!!
I believe in the Mavs and I believe in Luka Doncic.

I (F30) found inappropriate messages between my partner (M38) and my younger sister (F22). There were a lot of sex and cheating related memes and actual messages they were writing to each other, they even made fun of me with my sister sharing “my sister” memes of an ugly animal in the meme and the both of them laughing at the “my sister” memes… my sister says “I sent the memes because it was funny but I wasn’t making fun of you, I swear”. When I asked my partner why he was posting memes about cheating when you have a wife and family at home he said that he just thought it was funny, the character in the meme looked funny.
When I confronted them about the messages I found they both said that they sent the messages and memes to each other because it’s their sense of humor and they never meant anything more than what was sent in the messages.
My partner has barely taken accountability for his actions and how it’s affecting me. He actually minimized his inappropriate interactions with my sister by saying things like “it’s not like I was explicitly telling your sister that we should hook up or that we were in love behind your back or anything like that”. He has also said “my crime was a misdemeanor but I’m being charged for a felony”
I told him that this is the final straw (he has done plenty of damage throughout the 11years - lots of previous issues with his alcohol consumption) and that I want to separate.
After telling him I want to separate I’ve been treated poorly by him because he is upset that I want to end things over something that is not that big of a deal. He said that I should accept his apology and forgive him because he learned his lesson from the hell I’ve been putting him through for being so upset over this. He wants to move on with our lives because it’s not like he actually cheated on me.

Earlier today my dogs were barking so I decided to see what was going on thru my bathroom window I stuck my head out and as I’m about to say anything this guy pushed the fence on my dog that she went back I yelled out saying “what the f is your problem” and he stayed quiet and I followed up by saying “I just saw you push my dog” he said “it was trying to bite me” mind you my dog is not even 6 month old pitbull who’s extremely friendly to everyone but tends to bark. I was like “she doesn’t fing bite I will call the cops on you’re for that s” and he said “well call them”. I was like I need to see him face to face because he left real quick so I go over and I see him and I press him in front of his relatives because he started saying “I was fixing the fence and she was grabbing on my glove and I lightly pushed” (the fence is Diamond Wire Fence) that fence is one that can’t be “fixed” and was never broken since I said “you literally pushed it hard enough to make her go back and he was denying saying “your full of shit” I was like “let me catch you doing that s*** and the cops will be called “ he said “I’ll do it again if she goes out to bite me” and I just said “ Bett that watch”. I forgot to mention he comes a lot to do yard work. I’m 19 (F) any advice on how to go about this.

Very long bc I can’t keep 10yrs of friendship simple, nor can I constructively explain without being all over the place :)—we 39f and 39m have 10yrs of friendship. 6yrs has been from a distance although we would meet up every year until 3yrs ago. When we first met, we tried to date but realized we’re better friends. We’d hook up in between relationships bc we’ve always been attracted to eachother and we’re bored/lonely. That finally stopped about 4yrs in. He dated a girl for 5yrs and 2yrs into that, him and I had an unhealthy friendship which led to inappropriate acts behind his gf back bc he was unhappy and I was bored(nothing physical). I knew he wasn’t taking the relationship serious so I didn’t care about our actions—until I did. I didn’t like contributing to bringing that side out of either of us and we stopped talking completely, 2yrs ago.
2 months ago he finally had the balls to walk away from the relationship and text me. We caught up life/families, I apologized for my part in everything a couple years ago, he did the same. Mentioned he’s not happy being single but it was for the best and he’s trying to figure his life out and plans on starting therapy for some issues he deals with. Backtracking—in the past, we’ve had differences of opinion and he’s been so quick to go off and insults were his go to. It was clear he can be uhinged sometimes but does pretty well keeping that side under wraps. Ive always thought of him as a narcissist, but as long as im not a target, I dont see a problem with a friendship. (He can be an extremely ugly person to people and his mom history of mental issues so I recognize he has been affected).
Anyway. We were texting on Mother’s Day about random stuff and he brought up the govt/eptein thoughts and I told him I don’t waste my time on investigating stories and building an opinion—he made a comment about me being like his ex and how we just turn a blind eye to bad things that are going on. It’s not untrue but I don’t spend time looking into stuff like that in order to have an opinion when the topic comes up. The conversation went from common interest to him telling me I’m like his ex and turn a blind eye to bad things going on. Literally tells me to take care and blocks me. It made no sense and I couldn’t believe it. I emailed him and told him we’ve now eachother too long for such a random act without explanation. I also acknowledge he’s going through alot and asked him to unblock me so I can better understand him. 2 days later, he texts me “ok”. Clearly in response to my email. Wtf do I do? He’s so quick to shut people out and it hurts my heart when people do that while going through emotional times in life. It’s so unhealthy to be alone and isolate—I know first hand. But wtf do I say? Or do I just let it be and tell him I’m here if he needs anything and leave it at that? Bravo if you made it this far lol

It's really not going to look like anything special tbh. The Vocab cards would just be the Spanish word on the front then, answer on the back with an example sentence and a contextualizing image or clip on the back... if relevant.
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But I wasted alot of time curating a personalized example sentence for (almost) every single vocab word I discover. Key word is discover imo.
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Right now my example sentences contain a simple concept I already comprehend, atleast within the context of that sentence, for the word that I am learning to be applied to. Like my lunes card is ´´lunes es antes martes´´. As I create the vocab cards I try to keep main vocab word part as the primary focus in usage and less that of the sentence itself for the sake of simplicity which means that the vocab card usually ends up as the first word of the sentence unless I personally see no reason actually care. Like another card I have that was luckily easy to make for desde is ´´el imperio de mongol duró desde a 1206 a 1368''. Every example I create is with words I already know or do not feel a remote need to understand - to understand the sentence. but IDK. Also I'm more concerned with audio than I am with imagery though. But If I could make the back into a really simple clip and very quickly that would be nice, but I dont care about imagery too much as most of it is going to end up in immersion anyways. Sound matters for me though. Sound is really so i can read something out loud before I hear what it sounds like, which helps me make comparisons and judge myself while I flag cards to make filtered decks out of later. And of course, for words that I already knew before starting studying I do not even consider making vocab cards out of as it will be fluff. completely random words like mañana or lanzar are weirdly glued to my head specifically because I have a specific memory with them. like for lanzar I watched a little game trailer and a text prompt showed up saying ''lanzar roca'' for this fucking kid to just launch a whole ass rock at a dude across a bridge. which is goofy as fuck. the game was called pedros adventures btw.
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Also on the back of one of my vocab cards for the word 4th... I literally just put ''cuarto y cuarto'' fucking 10 times. because if you say cuarto 10x fast, it sounds like Squidward in Japanese which is fucking HILARIOUS.
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But if I could imagine imagery in a specific way it would really just be for nouns and numbers... and anything that has a very concrete meaning with just an image. like for example, you could have a game where an image flashes on the screen and you need to translate that image in your head or if you want by typing it or speaking it out loud. And you get feedback for elements of the image relayed... but I haven't spent much time thinking about that kind of thing cos its not on any to do list, but it would be pretty cool.
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its quite easy to curate examples as I'm watching these dreaming Spanish videos which is why id like to make some kind of sentence cards out of the clips. this is really because there is like a mix in my head between a sentence card and an example sentence on the back of a vocab card. Vocab cards are really the gateway for sentence cards imo. For any vocab card that has multiple definitions I need only create 1 vocab card for its primary use, and create sentence cards for its primary use and its different usages as I discover them through immersion. I can work out the nuance as I watch, read and write. and then as i immerse and gain enough vocabulary i will eventually bury more and more vocab cards and instead replace them with sentence cards. But of course, still using both in a balance.
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And ideally, all of this comes from something I highly associate with in my head. As in English; for any single word and phrase and etc., I have in my subconscious a lil smth-smth associated with that word in so many ways that I do not even realize. But I do not care to understand the little neural networks, just as I do not care to actually develop some stupid ass grammatical understanding before I even begin speaking or listening. but only to just create a 24 7 immersive study environment conducive to an almost gamified consumption that gradually improves my abilities over time. Right now it feels like i'm just trying to make a build, and I cant even start grinding the way I want to. I have tidbits here and there but I haven't worked it out entirely.
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And I do apologize if I seemed like there was friction between me and watching the dreaming Spanish videos when you had brought it up. it was just that as of now; everything I've been doing is just thinking of how to make this situation fairly seamless without needing any weird in-between steps just to do a single repetitive task. Like tagging and flagging cards is something you dont want to do manually, you want to do it with a key stroke or command. Books are easy to get, and I will be consuming the dreaming spanish videos now that I'm feeling how helpful they are compared to what I was doing before... Spanish dubs... alot of scrolling in tiktok... ALSO that one Spanish youtuber for chess called rey engima. He's like gotham chess but for Spanish which i absolutely love because I love chess and I needed a spanish way to consume it. Ive made alot of Spanish accounts for things and translated alot of UI into spanish. and I also downloaded urban VPN but i think that part was unnecessary asf.
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But really the annoying thing was how to approach anki. also, that 4 hour video I linked is really just an oversimplified text book to just get a general idea of a concept. Which is all I care about. Things like grammar are terribly taught in classrooms and that video just goes about it in a way I really like, atleast compared to every other explanation ive seen. I planned to just do just 30 minutes per day on that video as I focused on other things. but I got caught up with other random shit and then I kind of just set that video to the side... which is why i only watched 20 minutes of it.
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I am a really slow thinker, and things get to expedited when I get a foundation.
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In regards to what I mean when I said 'gamified element'. I don't mean to say things like grind and such like this is some MMORPG. I mean gamified in the sense that I get some kind of gamified feedback or feeling in a dopamine inducing form that encourages me to do really weird things to lock in that I dont anyone actually does. Like if im at the microwave and the numbers are going down, im literally saying those numbers in Spanish as they go down because in the end the main goal is to entirely quit using English as a crutch for the language and reach a point where you need only convert your conceptualizations into language and vice versa i.e., other Spanish speakers. But gamified elements provide for me an extremely significant way for me to engage with the language that I also really enjoy... cos im a weirdo. Being able to see how long I've spent on each card and other visual inputs about the outputs of my efforts are also cool, especially if displayed in a consumable manner to increase my receptivity.
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Anyways, hopefully I could at least give you an idea of what's going on in my head and what my goals are. This process has been poopoo stinky, and my brain is very poo poo stinky.

I grew up with an emotionally unavailable mother who laid in bed all day and was addicted to prescription pills. Then she drank herself to death which didn’t affect me because I had cut ties long before. I watched my dad quite literally beg her to just act right, she could never do it.
Now, I have a daughter of my own who is now 3 and I love her so much. My husband is severely emotionally unavailable and indifferent towards me. I have communicated in every form possible that something needs to change. He has betrayed me in multiple ways. He’s never been soft or tender towards me. I’ve never received a gift from him— ever. I have no family and no friends. My husband plays the role of the happy go lucky fun dad with not a worry in the world— undermines my parenting. Like allowing my daughter to color on the wall because she was sad and she wanted to. But has never done any real parenting. Bedtime routines, making meals, general parenting. I am a single mom living with a man child. He signed his rights away to his ex girlfriend’s husbands (his son.) I’m just think we need to separate.. but the crazy thing is, every time I tell him that even tho he’s the one who clearly wants other women and to do whatever he wants he tells me he swears he’ll do better etc. all the while plays the victim at the same time. I feel trapped because I have no where to go. His family is wealthy, he has several paid for homes he can go to.
Anyway, I just feel like everyday I am failing my daughter. I feel like all day I am correcting her and I hate it :( every night when I go to bed I feel the weight of the world on me… so much that I can’t even cry. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like she will grow up hating and resenting me too. She’s so forgiving when I lose my cool and yell. I always tell her that I’m sorry for yelling and that even if I was upset that yelling isn’t ok. I’m just so so overwhelmed. Is my overwhelm partially because of the stress about the future of my marriage or am I just a super shitty mom. I don’t want there to be an emotional disconnect with my daughter and I but I feel like I’m just trudging through everyday :( I feel stupid because I only have one child.. it shouldn’t be this hard. I’m also coming to realize a lot about how shitty my upbringing was.. and although I feel like I am triumphing things my mother could never give I still feel like a massive failure to my daughter :( I’m too hard on her. Do you think separating from my husband would help this? I feel a cortisol raise when he is simply in the same room.
Please don’t say therapy.. I’m well aware. Right now I don’t have any child care or family to watch her but my plan is to start when she starts school. I just feel like I need to separate from my husband and just breathe. I’m so sick of having my feelings undermined. He’s very much the type “women are over emotional” when he has neglected me emotionally this entire marriage.
Anyways… I’m just hurting please be kind. I pretty much hate myself. I feel like my daughter would be better off with a normal mom… I hate that I have to struggle through life because of the neglect of my parents when I was a child. I’m with my daughter 24/7 but I feel so disconnected like I’m just holding on :(